#i love all animals but cuckoos can fuck off...I hate them

[murobrown]

.

#it's 2:AM I'm stressed as fuck from every single thing that happened and will ever happen #let me just vomit my thoughts so that I stop thinking about bad things #and to just keep myself entertained...I feel like I watched whole youtube in past hour #i love all animals but cuckoos can fuck off...I hate them #it's messing with me that we all have different voices...how? are there people that have the same voice? what is my voice? #i really miss having math because I feel like I'm just getting more and more stupid with each year...my brain needs exercise #i used to be such a good student at high school #i knew every capital in Africa #i was the best in philosophy #and psychology #now all I can do is swedish on a level of a toddler...all that in 5 years #i feel like I'm failing at life #my brother is 20 today...and I still feel like he's 15 #recently I just can't stop thinking how stupid US are and how they influence every single fart in the world #i think world would be a better place without US ...I can only wish that Vikings would never land there #also isn't crazy that in the past people just didn't know about other parts of the world #history always messes me up it's crazy...like it all happened it doesn't seem real #it's always the stuff you hear and read about but never really realize it happened #another thing that makes my brain overheat is when I realize that the whole world is happening right at this second #as I'm typing this there is someone dying or giving birth or having breakfast or petting a dog #you are alive right at this second as me and I think it's nice to be alive together :)) #also I keep thinking...are bonsais happy? or are they suffering? is it normal? #aren't they like those poor messed up dogs that are suffer because of years of breeding? #also few days ago I learned that the water we use here for flushing the toilet is normal drink water and it makes me sick #it's such a waste!! #it's because it could be dangerous for kids that would decide to drink it... #kids are fucking stupid and I'm saying this as someone who used to eat play dough and soap bars #always when I'm up this late I think about cars driving at this time and think about people in them and their stories #i don't like night...I never did... it's really scary and it feels like a different world when everything changes to evil #when I was kid I was so scared of sleeping...like I'd it getting darker outside and go into panic mode

[guesst]

some of the best fantasy au fics for bnha that i've read

i decided to make a fic rec list of one of my favourite aus/fusions. mostly midoriya-centric, there are some crossovers (with hp), and a lot of different ways in which the authors have taken them - so it could be Quirks, ghosts, outright fantasy aus, spirits, witches etc etc. there isn't a specific order and there aren't a tonne (these are the ones i could find buried in my bookmarks lol), but the ones on the list are all really well written i love them.

i've tried adding relevant information, the summary (shortened if it's pretty long) and just. adding some random tags that may be important. not all of them though. obviously this is not a complete list and there will most definitely be more fics out there, if there are some really good fics that you know that aren't on this list, feel free to tell me, i'd love to read them!!!

i hope someone enjoys these!

Faith Becomes You by SugaSuga

oneshot | gen dfo, quirkless midoriya summary 'There's a tiny shrine in Musutafu that's overgrown with kudzu vines between Izuku's apartment and his middle-school. There may very well still be a god inside it. There may be nothing but the myth of a man from when Quirks were first emerging. Izuku hides in its walls for a while and ends up tending to the forgotten shrine. All good deeds have their impact, don't they?'

Of Mythos and Men by Oceanbreeze7

oneshot | gen spirit animal au, kinda summary (shortened) 'When he was young, Midoriya always wondered what his mythos would be. The matching half to his quirk, the ancestry of its power. Mythos were strange things, not linked genetically like quirks seemed to be. [...] Midoriya hadn't met his mythos. Even in UA. (In his dreams, something called to him, 'Chase me!')'

what a lion cannot manage by LadyLiterature

multichapter | ongoing | f/m, m/m kitsune au, female izuku, future bakudeku summary (shortened) 'She wants to be a hero. Wants to save everyone she meets and even the people she hasn’t. [...] A smart fox avoids fights. A smart fox does not seek them out. A smart fox does not fight for everyone. A smart fox, when they absolutely must, only fights for themselves and what is theirs and nothing else. Izumi, for all that she tries to be, is not a good fox.'

My Magic Academia by Kiterou

series | oneshots and multichapter | ongoing | gen HP crossover, wizard midoriya, platonic bkdk, some ocs summary (shortened) ' [...] In which Midoriya Inko is a witch and Izuku a wizard and even after 150 years of quirks taking over the world, Izuku still couldn't tell Kacchan that he isn't worthless and that he still could become a hero all on his own.'

A Lonely Windchime Makes No Sound by Musecookie

multichapter | ongoing | multi reader/shinso, total fantasy au, very wholesome summary (shortened) ' [...] You enjoy visiting your slightly creepy local library. When you accidentally befriend the elusive owner's familiar, he begins to appear more and more when you visit. You don't really mind, and he doesn't seem to hate you, even when the two of you become tied up in each other's fate as you pursue the secret to reviving a magical species of flower. Soft Strangers to Friends to Lovers type beat with lots of fluff and naps! Sleepy cuddles included.'

The grapes of friendship by Gentrychild

oneshot | gen crack, dfo, vampire izuku summary 'Izuku, a dhampir hiding his real identity as he goes to UA, the best wizard school in the country, spends the day with his friends. None of them are aware of it.'

Yesterday Upon the Stair by PitViperofDoom

multichapter | complete | gen less supernatural, izu's quirk lets him see ghosts, he still has ofa summary (shortened) 'Midoriya Izuku has always been written off as weird. As if it's not bad enough to be the quirkless weakling, he has to be the weird quirkless weakling on top of it. But truthfully, the "weird" part is the only part that's accurate. He's determined not to be a weakling, and in spite of what it says on paper, he's not actually quirkless [...] Not that anyone would believe it if he told them.'

sum of all (and by them driven) by Elemental

series | multichapter | ongoing | gen dadzawa, spirits give quirks, izu sees these spirits series summary 'Quirks aren't what you think they are.' first part summary (shortened) 'Midoriya Izuku is medically quirkless, not technically homeless, perpetually exhausted and doing his damned best despite it all. He also sees spirits, which might be cool if not for the fact that a) no one else does, b) they really don't like him very much, and c) he's pretty sure the heroes now think he's a villain working for the League [...]'

The Struggles of a Modern-Day Vampire by miraculousemily47

oneshot | gen crack, 1-a shenanigans, vampire midoriya summary 'After Midoriya Izuku is turned into a vampire towards the end of his first year at U.A., he decides he wants to tell his classmates about his condition. The only problem is that he can't physically say the words, and his classmates are fucking idiots.'

Lights in the Dark by FrostKitten

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen supernatural au, izuku can see demons etc, quirkless/magic au summary (of first part) 'Midoriya Izuku, like most young kids, knows there are monsters. They live in closets, under beds, and occasionally in the park. As he grows older, his friends stop seeing them...but he still does.'

Hand in Unlovable Hand by jumbletea

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen vampire midoriya (and aizawa), dadzawa, toga n dabi n mido being siblings summary 'A collection of stories surrounding a not-quite-human Izuku and everyone he meets along the way.'

Simply Superstitious by CryCaladrius

multichapter | ongoing | gen lots of folklore and yokai and stuff, 'quirkless' magic user izuku, decent dad hisashi too summary (shortened) 'Izuku Midoriya’s father is a Hou-ou — a Japanese phoenix. For some reason, this means yokai have a standing invitation to pester Izuku with their existence. Birds assemble choirs for his birthday. If there’s no cedar leaf under the welcome mat, the amazake babaa that lives two apartments over will be knocking on their door by evening. His yokai-purifying excursions get mistaken for vigilantism far too often. [...]'

Cuckoo Bird (anonymous author)

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | gen it may be discontinued but theres lots of fae folklore, deku is a changeling, deals etc, plus some platonic shindeku building up?? summary 'There's something off about Midoriya Izuku. (change·ling /ˈCHānjliNG/ noun a child believed to have been secretly substituted by fairies for the parents' real child in infancy.)'

tread softly as you go by IceEckos12

oneshot | gen if you read any fae au please let it be this! has faeries but mido is not one summary 'Humans used to be good at the old ways. They used to know how to bait the trap, to spin a web of words and lies that would ensnare even the most wily. Humans used to be able to twist deceptions around knots of iron and turn them into weapons of power. They forgot a long, long time ago. A boy unwittingly makes a deal with one of the fae, severing his ties to humanity. However, he finds that the fae world is far more strange and complex than he ever could have imagined.'

Hell is just a shoujo manga by supercrunch

multichapter | complete | f/m fantasy au, bakudeku, fem!izuku, isekai, dekusquad stuff, also some iidachako summary (shortened) 'Izuku wakes up crushed under a statue, trapped in the body of a princess who doesn't exist. Turns out she's a demon, which is weird. What's even weirder is the déjà vu that surrounds Kamino palace, reminding her of the events of this one manga she used to love. [...] But that's probably just a coincidence. [...] The problem here, obviously, is that Izuku's the demon princess. Ergo, she's a villain. And that means she's going to die at the end of this manga. Again.'

hold your breath as you cross by cassiopeia721

oneshot | gen dadzawa, another 'quirks are from spirits au' (expect more of those actually), mido is sad :( summary 'As the bridge between the world of guardian spirits and the quirk users who are blessed by them, Izuku's duty is to clean up the mess his predecessor left. It's taken what feels like an eternity worth of work, but Izuku's finally finished, and he's ready to rest at last. Unfortunately, the pro heroes who just watched him take down the Scourge of Kamino have no intention of letting him just wander off, and he finds himself stuck in an interrogation room with a bunch of humans who he's sure will never believe a word he says.'

To See with Eyes Unclouded by CrazySatan

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen witch au, witch midoriya, quirkless mido, bkg is not a good friend series summary 'Midoriya Izuku is a witch. A powerful witch. And even though he doesn't have a quirk, and magic doesn't Work Like That, Izuku ends up a hero. Somehow.'

Demons and Darkness by wolfsrainrules

series | oneshots | ongoing | gen dadzawa, shinso and mido and bkg are becoming friends, they can see monsters/spirits/bad things summary of first part 'Izuku has believed in the things that go bump in the night since he was small. That means he can see them, and almost everyone he knows....can't. So he decides he's going to be the shield humanity needs, no matter what. Eventually, he finds others that See too.'

know what i've made by the marks on my hands by simkjrs

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | gen dadzawa, quirk spirit au (this inspired most of the others on this list), also eri summary (shortened) 'Midoriya Izuku just wants to lead a quiet, peaceful life. This is foiled by the fact that a) he can see spirits, b) his good nature demands that he help anyone he sees in trouble, and c) he, by all rights, should not exist. [...]'

Izuku haunts class 1-A by Artistic-Gamer

series or multichapter whichever floats your boat | incomplete (hiatus) | other there are some triggering themes! such as suicide, blood, body disfigurement! please take care of yourself and avoid reading if this will hurt you! in other news: so much dadzawa, so much friendship, hurt mido summary (of first part) 'Class 1-A is rumored to be haunted, only the residents are aware it’s more than just a rumor..'

U.A's Resident Ghost by BeyondTheClouds777

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | gen ghost midoriya, dadzawa, friendships!!!! summary 'There is a ghost at U.A. Not haunting U.A. Not even hanging out at U.A. There is a ghost. Enrolled. As a student of U.A. And it's just Shouta's luck that he has everything to do with it.'

and now, the weather by xylophones

oneshot | gen CRACK, paranormal/ghost hunters au, dekusquad stuff summary 'Izuku runs a fictional horror radio show. Because ghosts aren’t real. Right? (“Holy shit, ghosts are real,” Izuku whispers. Then, with the smugness of a sixteen-year-old who just won a decade long bet, “I knew it! Kacchan owes me five hundred yen!” “Midoriya,” Todoroki sighs, “this ghost is trying to kill us.”)'

U.A Unsolved by handcrusher(ameliafromafairytale)

oneshot | gen (it's a fic of a fic, so if you've read yesterday upon the stair then you'll understand better) izuku can see ghosts thats his quirk summary ' "Hey there, ghosts," Midoriya says, "it's me, ya boy." The dorms are haunted. Shenanigans ensue.'

The Haunting of Class 1-A by BritishRobutt

multichapter | ongoing/maybe discontinued | n/a ghost midoriya, vigilante au, crack, the ghost bit is izu's quirk summary 'Everyone always told Izuku he couldn't be a hero, so when he dies and discovers his quirk, he becomes a vigilante out of spite. Whoops. After becoming Spectre, Japan's most wanted vigilante, Izuku realizes he can just fulfill his dreams of going to the top heroic school- after all, who can physically stop him from attending UA when he's a literal ghost?'

Caged by SternStunde

oneshot | gen tododeku, fantasy au (todo is a dragon, mido is a princess), genderbent deku (fem deku) summary 'Then she held up one of the books and smiled. "Want to learn an ancient language with me?" She was kind of a nerd, and she really hoped the dragon was too.'

Magic Runs Deep by draconicschinx

multichapter | ongoing/probably discontinued | gen mido has a quirk and he can see mythical creatures. summary '"Midoriya Izuku has always been good at making friends. Not human ones, really, but they are good friends nonetheless. " Izuku can see and talk to and interact with mythical creatures. It's not exactly the quirk he was hoping for, but he's going to use it to help humans and his non-human friends all the same.'

#bnha #mha #fic recs #fantasy au #ghost au #vampire au #witch au #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #spirit fanfics #i have gone to an unnecessary amount of effort for a list that no one asked for #hmm #mythical beasts #myths and legends #i hope my tagging is okay lol #fic rec list #midoriya izuku #midoriya izumi #genderbending #shinsou hitoshi #dadzawa #quirkless au #lots of aus #magic

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Marauders #22

I absolutely hated this issue, so be warned that’s a lot of salt here, and my usual whining, so skip this post if you’re not in the mood for that.  Also spoilers below.

First impression - what absolute, self-indulgent horseshit.  I hesitate to use “fanfic” in a derogatory way, but a lot of Marauders has read as being very “fanfic” in terms of self-indulgence, and greatly favoring certain characters while denigrating others.  I actually don’t think that’s a bad thing in fanfic.  It can be annoying to read if that’s not what you’re looking for (or it can be wonderful, if it IS what you’re looking for), but ultimately, fanfic is all about self-indulgence.  It’s about writing what you want to see in a story, and if Duggan’s Marauders was someone’s actual fanfic, I wouldn’t have anything bad to say about it.  I might dislike the characterization, and probably wouldn’t read it, but it ultimately wouldn’t matter because it’s fanfic.  Frankly, I’m just as bad about constantly centering everything around Pyro (and finding ways to work him into stories where he doesn’t even belong), because I’m writing just for myself, so I can be self-indulgent.  But I’d expect much better from a professional writer.  I’d expect much better from someone being paid to write a team book.  I’d expect a god-damn balanced book that actually pays attention to the whole cast and gives a thoughtful interpretation to ALL the characters, even the villains, rather than a book dedicated to shining a spotlight on two already well-established characters, and treating them like queens who step all over the rest of the cast. 

So, we ignore almost everything set up at the Gala, including the attack on Christian and the Marauder (the ship) being set ablaze.  Why aren’t the characters handling that, Duggan?  Is that really being saved for another month?  We don’t even know if Christian is dead or not, you can’t even spare a panel for Iceman reacting to this?  Instead, we tell a flashback story that eventually reveals that Lourdes Chantel is still alive, and Emma helped her fake her own death to escape from an abusive Sebastian.

What exactly is the point of this story, in terms of the overall Marauders arc?  Will Lourdes show up later to play a role?  Is this meant to further push Sebastian along some kind of path to redemption (recognizing that he drove Lourdes away with his actions).  Because so far, Duggan doesn’t seem the slightest bit interested in rehabilitating Sebastian.  This seems like yet another story establishing Emma GOOD, Sebastian BAD, the same message that’s been getting pounded into the readers’ heads for 22 issues.  Like, we KNOW, Duggan.  We know that you think the sun shines out of Emma’s ass, you’ve already well-established that you think she’s a brilliant, wonderful, compassionate, badass queen, through 22 issues of centering the entire series around her, at the expense of EVERY other fucking character in the book (even sometimes Kate, the other obvious favorite).  It’s gotten beyond tiresome at this point.  Like, I feel like even people who love Emma and hate Sebastian are getting bored by now, because it’s not even good storytelling to have a strawman villain who is no real threat just getting repeatedly knocked down.

So, Duggan has taken both Sebastian and Emma, and further removed any kind of complexity or nuance from them.  Sebastian can’t have a kind or tender side, he can’t ever be shown in a positive light.  His relationship was Lourdes was previously part of his tragic origins, pushing him to be a worse person than he’d been in a past, but no, lets retcon him to be a controlling abuser, whom Lourdes is desperate to escape.  Because it makes Sebastian look bad and Emma look good.  Honestly, it would have been more interesting and powerful to have Lourdes come back from the dead, and be disgusted by the person Sebastian has become.  That would actually have an impact.

And by the way, why did Lourdes need Emma’s help in establishing her new identity?  She was already part of the Hellfire Club, she’s the one who brought Sebastian in, she’s rich as fuck.  Lourdes should be well capable of getting away from Sebastian on her own.  She might need Emma’s help for faking her own death, but the rest of it?  Emma should just do a little hacking to access Lourdes’ personal fortune and transfer it into a new account, and then she’s good to go.  But no, Lourdes has to be treated like a little lost lamb, a helpless battered woman for Emma to rescue.  And Emma’s deal with the Kingpin further exonerates Emma for her past crimes, because obviously, she’s just working off the debt she incurred helping poor, innocent Lourdes!  It can’t be that Emma did bad things in the past because she was ambitious, cruel, vain, and power-hungry, she has to be a woke queen who was always there to help other women.

I think Duggan thinks he’s being feminist with all this, with the “women help each other,” message, and either ignoring or villifying all the male characters.  But he’s not.  It’s not feminist to take a very complex, interesting, powerful woman like Emma Frost and completely remove all responsibility and agency for her past crimes by turning her into an abuse victim and repeatedly retconning her to be better than she actually was.  (To be fair, Duggan is just continuing a trend already started by other writers).  Emma is ambitious, power-hungry, cruel, callous, self-absorbed, vain and snobby.  But she is also brave, intelligent, compassionate, kind, protective, heroic, and self-sacrificing.  All of those things are part of Emma.  She is a teacher who loved her students, and the love for those students is part of what sent Emma on her long, difficult path towards redemption.  Yes, she’s a badass queen, but she is also a flawed individual, who has worked to overcome those flaws and become a better person.  And constantly re-writing the past to make her an “always good” abuse victim who only ever committed crimes because the big bad men forced her into it cheapens that redemption.

Speaking of cheap redemption -     

The Wilhelmina subplot: Wow, Duggan really will prioritize ANY character over Bishop, Iceman and Pyro, won’t he?  I know this is me throwing a tantrum, because “Wah, Duggan is writing someone other than my favorites!” but after 22 issues I feel justified in this whining.  Iceman, Bishop and Pyro are supposed to be regular cast members, and so far Duggan has given more serious development and emotional scenes to Callisto, Forge, Dolores (the human contact at the X-Desk), Masque, Jumbo Carnation, Magneto, the Cuckoos, and now Wilhelmina.  I don’t mind the development for many of those characters, I like Callisto and Forge and Jumbo (although I’m a little annoyed at the Magneto stuff, since he’s already front and center in the Krakoa era, and about to star in a mini-series, does he really need more time in the spotlight?).  But honestly?  Fuck Wilhelmina.  I was never that interested in the Hellfire brats, and I’m not the slightest bit interested in watching the retcon redemption of a character that murders animals for fun.  Why does she get a spotlight story while the three dudes on the team STILL haven’t gotten anything more than vague background hints of character arcs.  I mean, compare the very emotional flashback and Wilhelmina’s breakdown to the half-assed, mostly taking place off- panel “redemption” that Duggan has given Pyro.  Just a single line of “maybe this crew is bringing out the best in me,” with no lead-up, no further reflection, no hints about Pyro changing his ideas before then.  Why did you even put Iceman, Bishop and Pyro on the team if you’re not going to use them, Duggan?  Because you’ve made it quite clear that you’d rather write ANY character other than them.  I can’t even look forward to Tempo and Banshee joining the cast next issue, even though I like them (and I really want to see more development of Tempo), because I know they will be yet more characters that get pushed into the foreground, while Iceman, Bishop and Pyro remain the underdeveloped background clown trio.    

Also, it seems kind of offensive to have a cruel, murderous female character, and then say that her cruelty is entirely due to sexual abuse?  What kind of message does that send to sexual abuse victims?  That it will turn you into a monster?  Why do female villains keep getting sexual abuse as part of their backstory?  Why can’t they just be bad?  Or have something else going on?  So the Cuckoos flip a switch in Wilhelmina and she’s magically “fixed,” or at least on her way to better?  Again, I think Duggan thinks he’s being feminist with this, but he’s not. 

At least Wllhelmina has been a recurring villain in this series, so I can kinda see how her potential redemption may move the plot along, but Duggan is still introducing new plot threads, while leaving so many others dangling.  What about Christian?  What about Shinobi and Fenris?  Will Bobby and Christian ever even speak to each other again?  Will the supposed main cast members of Iceman, Bishop and Pyro ever, EVER get a proper character arc?

Or will we get an entire issue of Emma, Kate and the Cuckoos giving Wilhelmina a redemptive make-over, because girl power, amiright?

#not tagging on purpose #not trying to gum up the tags with my extreme salt #but seriously this was my least favorite issue so far #at least the revenge issue just destroyed Sebastian's body not his character #really fuck this nonsense it was terrible

[popculturebuffet]

Mickey and the Roadster Racers: “Mickey’s Perfecto Day” and “Daisy’s Grande Goal” review or “I think i’m going out of my headcold”

Saludos Amigos!  I”ve been sick, and as such have had no energy or state of mind to continue my look at every apperance of the CABs in the us, concluding with a look at every episode of legend of the three caballeros. 

And today’s stop is one i’m only passingly familiar with: Mickey and the Roadster Racers. MATRR.. wait really that’s what it spells?

No Larry the Cable guy on this blog thank you.  Anyways, Roadster Racers is surprisingly complicated for such a simple show. For starters it’s the successor to “Mickey Mouse’s Club House” another CGI Disney Junior show, Disney’s equivalent to Nick Jr because their clever like that. And to continue the theme of ripping off other properties, the show was Disney’s stab at following the big fake interactivity craze started by Dora the Explorer. And it’s annoying as that sounds with a lot of pasues and an annoying recurring hot dog song that’s obnoxiously catchy. It was mostly just slice of life shenanigans with the mickey mouse crew and when retoolling it they decided to drop the now dated fake interactivity, turn up the slice of life and add some of those nitro burning funny cars vroom vroom. IN a sense genral g rated soft boiled mickey shenanigans with a racing theme. 

Not a terrible series but not terribly intresting hence why i’ve never covered it. It’s a bland inoffesnsive cartoon for toddlers. Enough effort is put in for me not to hate it, as even a toddler show can have effort, but not enoguh so that I really care. I’ve seen better, i’ve seen worse. The only intresting things are the racing gimmick and the fact that as said gimmick diminished they switched names to “Mickey’s mixed up adventures” in season 3. Hence the complicated part as it’s not counted as it’s own series but unlike other disney title changes they aren’t just slapping another label under the logo like the marvel shows. This is  a full on retool. But it still has the same cast and prodcution crew and is counted as part of mickey mouse. Point is it’s weird and not relevant since our boys didn’t show up in that season. Oh and as a final note I learned while writing this/ there’s a THIRD Mickey Mouse Disney Junior Series, Mickey Mouse Funhouse, coming next year. 

But with so little to cover I ended up throwing in a freebie. See normally I charge the same for 11 minute and 20+ minute shows. It’s fair as most 11 minute shows these days pack in as much character as the ones that use the full half hour. It’s just a diffrence in tactics is all. But here I felt obligated to do at LEAST two diffrent, but cabs related, 11 minutes here, so if I had nothing to talk about I could pad it out and If I had everyhting to talk about.. eh I still tried to do the right thing. I regret nothing. But yeah i’m sick, this series is eh, let’s gooooo. 

Mickey’s Perfecto Day So Mickey and Friends are preparing to drive to spain.

No i’m not making a joke. Wish I was would be one of my best but no, Mickey and Friends are just.. casually going to drive to Spain. To explain why this hurts my head a map, on which i’ve drawn the route they’d have to take to get to spain from, let’s say Calisota, the fictional state where Mouseton, Duckburg, New Quackmore, and thus probably Hot Dog Hills, the show’s setting, reside. 

This is a crue map, they oculd’ve gone down through mexico or central america.. but the point is THEY DROVE ACROSS THE OCEAN. And I genuinely do not know if their cars can do that but apparently they can. So either the writer didn’t know where Spain was or didn’t care and either way it’s bad. LIke at least give their cars a plane or boat mode. Go full DKR up in this bitch, give em diffrent racing vehicles. But it wouldn’t be as aggrivvating or bizzare if they MENTIONED how they were driving to spain, like maybe Donald’s car that’s also an old boat and goofy’s that’s a tub have aquamodes and can tow the rest. I get 5 year olds don’t care about this.. but still? I guess? Also MIckey is either the sorcerer supreme or jesus at this point. He can cross oceans by car, astral project, cross into other dimensions.. the only thing missing is raising the dead and  he already did that in the 30′s. 

So as for why the sorcerer supreme and his buddies are going all the way to Spain, Donald has a concert with the three caballeros and this time they all remember him as a memmber and Daisy’s a huge fan. Which is sweet. Then we hear donald duck talk and...

Yeah, Daniel Ross is not the best Donald. Now I will cut the guy some slack here: He’s a voice actor more known for doing bit parts who just got the role in 2016, since racers aired in 2017 and animation lead time and all that. He’s not going to be nearly as good as Tony or Clarence out of the gate. Even Tony wasn’t. He also had a valid reason for picking up the role as Tony likely had two series in production at that time, Rise of the Three Cablleros and Ducktales, and thus had to split his time between both. And having Chris Diamaptolus do mickey in the new shorts instead of his usual voice actor Bret Iwane despite Iwane not being in any serious danger of dying soon has worked out super. So having multiple actors isn’t the problem. Hell after the tragic loss of Russi taylor and with how bad the world is, having an understudy in mind for such an important role is a grim but understandable necicisty. While I belivie tony can go on for decades, he’s only human. 

So my issue is not on Donald’s voice being diffrent or new.. it’s that it’s not very good and the second episode featuerd here shows Daniel Ross really hasn’t improved despite now having worked as the character for a while.I can forgive taking some time to grow in but being this sloppy after a full season is just unacceptable. He’s BETTER but he’s still just not very good and doing the bear minimum. I don’t doubt he’s a good va in other rolls, I don’t want to hate on the guy, but I can hate on aperfomance when it’s bad and it’s not good here. It’s just not. Not in either episode not in any way shape or form. It just feels like a lazy donald duck impression. Disney can do better and Ross can hopefully find better work in the future. But for now this just hangs like a wet fart on his resume. 

Moving on, thankfully, we have our three stories split pretty evenly and all stock plots. “Horay”.  Mickey and Minnie: Mickey tries to have a “perfecto” day, hence the title with Minnie, but instead gives her a rose a baby bull likes.. or maybe it’s SUPPOSED to be full grown but while Mickey and Minnie treat him like a grown bull and react to him like one.. the boy dosen’t look at all, even in the series style, like an adult bull. he looks like a calf. Mickey.. is initimdated by a small child whose horns aren’t sharp enough to hurt him. 

It’s just REALLY distracting and takes me out of the plot which itself is as bland as plain toast and twice as dry. They flee him till the end where Minnie figures out the rose thing at the concert and they make an ew friend. NOt TERRIBLE but not great.  Goofy and Cuckoo Loca: Okay first off who and what is a cuckoo loca? Well she’s a wind up bird that lives in Daisy’s Cuckoo Clock and makes sarcastic comments in a brooklyn accent because nikka futtterman voices her. Still makes more sense than driving to spain. She’s not a bad addition to the cast.. not even that weird as most kids based franchises have an adorable animal sidekick to market. Goofy wants to try some “flamingo dancing” while in spain, with Loca going along to make sure he dosen’t die somehow.. which would be unjustifable for anyone but goofy. Also.. Flamingo Dancing...

But yeah Goofy goes up against ... world famous flamingo dancer horace horsecollar?!

Now apparently this is a common thing for him in this series, apparently, but still it feels like if one of those weird variant ninja turtle figures from the 80′s was a plot point in an episode. Like if we actually had an episode based around birthday magician raph. 

It feels just as odd and out of place for down to earth if showy horace to suddenly be the best flaminco dancer in spain, despite being very much white coded, as it does for the angriest ninja turtle to be pulling a rabbit out of kids hats. Now Rise of the TMNT raph I could totally see as a party magician but any other? He’d probably break his wand over some kids head. 

Goofy ends up winning anyway because he’s stupid, though Flamingo dancing should be a real thing even if this joke is bad and it shoudl feel bad. What an ODD subplot Okay one more then i’m free of this prison. 

The Three Cablleros Plus Daisy:  Okay finally we get to what I came here for. The Three Caballeros! And..they look a tad off. Not terrible but clearly the animators weren’t as skilled with non duck beaks as both of them look ready to do this to donald. 

While Panchito’s color varies. Sometime’s it’s a deep brownish crimson, sometimes it’s poop brown and there’s no classy way to put it. When he’s in this cheap cgi, he looks like a shit chicken. This gets to a larger issue though... the animation here is not great. It’s not TERRIBLE.. but it’s pretty freaking sub par for disney. And i’ve SEEN their other cgi shows around the same time due to having a young niece and nephew. Sherieff Callie, Doc McStuffins, MIles from Tommorowland, and after this T.O.T.S. and Rocketeer. I’m not saying these are masterpieces of the genre, but they have more effort in botht he animation and writing put in. Here it just feels like they do the bear minimum which feels really fucking wrong. These chracters deserve better and have thankfully gotten better. YOu can make a show for preschoolers that’s cutsey and harmless and still have it at least be creative god dammit. It’s why I don’t like covering this show. It just feels so.. lifeless. They try a bit here and there but outside of cuckoo, there’s nothing really new or intresting to really make kids love these characters and it bothers me. it bothers me a lot. 

Moving on thank god, the plot is bare bones as is the boys characterization. So far at least their character has been pretty consitent across all mediums. i’ts something I haven’t really touched on but their seen as world traveler’, Panchito being a Gaucho and Jose being such a ladies man this will probably happen to him eventually. 

I swear to god that was the only part of this movie I can remember. I’m  better off that way. But yeah without Panchito’s pep or Jose’s smooth talking ways, there’s just nothing for disney junior to work with so their just.. friends to donald who are nice to daisy. Which is very nice to see, but isn’t very intresting or gives me a lot to talk about. Donald eats a food that’s too hot, continues to talk poorly, and Daisy has to fill in. He gets back in at time and they sing probably the most forgetable cabs song yet. It’s.. not much honestly.  This was worth covering for completions sake but it dosen’t really add much. If nothing else it at least made me realize so far each mile of the ride has added something fresh to the characters: The original was the foundation, rosa gave them depth and made them feel like real people, and house of mouse made them feel like a big deal to other characters and made donald’s history as a cabllero part of his legacy as it should be. Each one so far has felt like it added.. this one just made me realize that and that is all. It builds on nothing adds nothing and there’s really nothing here other than MAYBE the brown/crimson design for panchito that carries over from the looks of it. The next two versions build on what rosa, the movie and to a lesser extent the house of mouse built. This one adds nothing. This plot is just.. inconqueintal. not bad for kids to know about them but even then it feels like a disapointing introduction. I fondly remember hte cabs episodes of house of mouse and even on rewatch they mostly held up despite some weak parts. This .. this will just be forgotten and I only hope legend and ducktales have done a better job keeping my boys alive in kids minds. God i’m depressed. Well at least this is over right.. right? 

Daisy’s Grande Goal

Okay as I said I was doing two, and rather than do this episode’s paired episode I decided on Season 2′s “Supercharged: Daisy’s Grande Goal”.. and cut the supercharged out of the title for the most part because why would you put the sutitle in your actual title. And only in some episodes. But yeah this season had a new gimmick, SUPERCHARGING... which basically means our heroes roadsters can go into super sayian tron super sayian mode and go real fast. They look real nice though and it has it’s own neat theme tune so there’s that. Otherwise the only other change is the animation which improves greatly. Seriously look at that shot above. That’s quality lin line with the ohter disney juinor shows. It’s still not as CREATIVE, but it’s not as slipshod as it started and I have to give them credit on that. 

So our heroes are in Brazil.. and as far as I can tell they drove there again.. but the diffrence is 1) you can actually DRIVE to brazil and 2) they have super fast super cars now, meaning even if the super charge mode has a timer, it can help with the commute. It’s also one of the boys actual home countries this time. I mean the episode isn’t built around the cabs.. but neither was the last one. Seriously I almost missed that: it’s three unrleated plots and really you could’ve just lenethed the bull and goofy plots a bit and left donald and daisy out. If your not going to use the cabs right hten don’t use them at all. Here though their used BETTER.. still not in the lead unforunately but at least them being on the brazilian soccer team makes sense as jose is from brazil and while panchito is it he’s his best friend, sometimes lover and always there when he needs him. So spending some time in brazil to play soccer/football isn’t a stretch. But that’s about it for their involvment: they say a few lines, are part of the brazilian team our heroes face, and we get Not-Donald saying “No Way Jose”.,,,

Sadly I can’t leave but the main plot is about Daisy’s Cousnt Almonda. She was in the previous episode which I did not watch but I do like both there being a valid reason why our heroes are here, and connection between episodes. While this season isn’t MUCH better.. it’s still better by some metric.  The plot is very basic: Almonda always wins at soccer ever since she and Daisy were kids, and it’s your basic “hero gets overcompetitive to finally win plot and learns to just have fun and to use teamwork heart of the cards and all that” It goes how you’d expect with Daisy hogging the ball and causing disasters and then a ten car pileup before cucoo yells at her, she realizes she was bad and also realizes Almonda had to practice hard to beat her, and ends up beating her through teamwork and you get it. IT’s not much But yeah ten car pile up.. that’s where it is intresting and rediculous as their playing soccer with cars. Which given i’ve always been an advocate for card games on motor cycles, seriously it’s not more rediculous than Yugioh was before that: in the anime and manga before 5ds we had table hockey but the puck is ice with nitrocylcrine in it, a battle with an escaped convict involving vodka and only using one finger, a chinese puzzel box that devoured souls, a dueling monkey, a whole hogwarts style school for dueling, duel spirits, our heroes childhood creations coming to life to help him, our hero merging with his androgynous childhood friend to fight the light of all evils, and on top of all of that, kaiba building a giant murder theme park soley to kill yugi and, even with how rich is he is, not even going to prison for the two months he’d get for that. My point is Yugioh is fricking weird and I love it so and card games on mortocyles is awesome.  Soccer with cars is alright. The teams are mickey, minnie, daisy and donald, for the US and Almonda, Jose, Panchito and.. Pancho Pete for the Brazilian team. Pete’s cousin. He apparenlty has a lot of em. Eh as long as we don’t get petkeem the african dream we’re fine. 

Why why did I make this. Why. But yeah it’s fine, not the best action ever adn the supercharge segments as I said look nice but as I also said ther’es just not a lot here. Daisy’s cousin is intresting, but likely more in the other segment. Here she’s more of a plot device to make daisy into an asshole for the episode so the plot can happen. There’s just not a lot to talk about> Hence me doing two of these. I will say it’s a better episode than the other one: it felt like more actually happened, it was more cohesive, had way more enerjgy and it had billy beagle... the series resident overexcited and loveable announcer voiced by the far from loveable jay leno of stealing conan’s job he gave him and last man standing, for some reason, fame. 

Overall these episodes are.. eh. The first one is kind of a mess, the second one is slightly better but these clearly werne’t meant for adults, let alone older kids and it shows. But I found some material here and made a horrifying combination of a terrible racist wwe gimmick and pete so.. I win/ I guess. I dunno, until next time, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

#mickey and the roadster racers #mickey's mixed up adventures #disney #disney junior #mickey mouse #donald duck #goofy goof #daisy duck #minnie mouse #cuco loca #Jose Carioca #panchito romero miguel junipero francisco quintero gonzalez #panchito pistoles #pete pete

[spectraspecs-writes]

Korriban - Chapter 94

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 93. Chapter 95.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

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This tomb looks significantly newer than Ajunta Pall’s, and there’s text that I can actually read so it must be recent enough. It’s not Galactic Basic, but it’s not some long-dead language, either. This is the tomb of Tulak Hord, a lightsaber specialist by the look of it. So definitely more recent than Ajunta Pall, who didn’t have a lightsaber. This is the tomb where I met Lashowe, though, that’s going to have consequences as far as the tuk’ata population is concerned. Without the matriarch, there may be infighting to establish a new matriarch, or a daughter may have stepped up that isn’t fit to rule the pack. In an ideal world the pack would just go on as normal but when is it ever an ideal world?

This tomb is a little brighter than Ajunta Pall’s, but still pretty dark. There’s more to it, too - Ajunta Pall’s was a straight shot with a trick along the way. This tomb is from a different era, and relies on twists and turns as well as tricks to keep looters at bay. But we are not the first to proceed this way, and a bit of a trail has been marked by dark splotches on the walls. No, they’re not blood - even if the Sith were that weird, you’d have to carry the blood through the tomb and that would drive the tuk’ata nuts. That’s a death wish kind of thing to do. But the splotches are high enough on the wall that the tuk’ata couldn’t reach, and too regular to be natural. I can handle if it’s a trap of some kind.

The tuk’ata are not composed at all, which is what I expected. When we run across a few, they don’t attack in a uniform fashion. It’s sloppy, uncoordinated, and they don’t attack as a unit. Damn you, Lashowe, you ruined the pack dynamics. Most of them I can just scare off, but we do have to kill a few along the route marked off for us.

The route dead ends near an ancient console, sort of like the ones in the ruins on Dantooine. They said the Star Map was in Naga Sadow’s tomb, so what is this doing here? I hit a button. It still works and it displays in Basic. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Jolee says.

“Yeah, me too,” I say, “but I think we can get ourselves out of any trouble.” I use the console to open the door.

“I dread the day you’re wrong about that.”

“Yeah, me too.”

We step through and are met with another closed door as the one behind us closes. Something… smells awful. Is the room spinning? Oh, shit, poison gas. Carth… is Carth okay?

Jesus, that knocked the wind out of me. I feel like there’s a Reek sitting on my chest. I try to look around. I’m not in the chamber anymore. Looks like the crypt. Carth - where’s Carth? He’s still out cold. Jolee’s conscious but pretending he’s not. Which he would only do if he got some benefit out of it. Something smells again. But not like poison, more like sweat. Someone here has not bathed in days, minimum, and it’s none of us.

“Awake already, are you?” Sounds like a kookier old man than Jolee, who I can actually hear huff in my head. Ah, he knows I love him. “Good!” I try to get a better look at this crusty old dude. He’s got the same grayish skin as Master Uthar, but way more crazed. “This is the tomb of Sith Lord Tulak Hord, if you don't know. I've taken up residence here, for now… it's dusty and full of critters, but it's home.”

I try and fail to sit up a bit. “Not that I don’t get the sentiment, because I would love to swap stories about dusty critter homes, but who are you and why the hell am I here?”

“Ah, yes!” he exclaims, “Introductions of course! I suppose it is time, isn't it?” Anyone like this who hasn’t had twelve cups of caff is certifiably cuckoo for Core Puffs. (Hell, even if you have had twelve cups of caff, I’d still be worried about you being a responsible adult alone.) “This other student here that I captured earlier you should know well enough. His name is Mekel. Say hello, Mekel.”

God, he looks awful! He tries to mumble something at me but can’t. From what I can tell he’s got loads of fresh electrical scarring, and I don’t think he got it playing with wires. “Poor lad,” the kook says with mock sympathy, “He's had a hard day. My name is Jorak Uln. I was once the head of the academy, so I'm sure you've heard of me.”

“Yeah, I heard you went nuts and ran for the hills.”

He blusters and can’t managed to get a single comprehensible word out, except for “stupid Uthar”, before moving on. “Anyway…” he says, trying not to release his anger on me yet, “I'd like to propose that we move onto the main event. You see, I'd like to discover if you've got the pluck of an old-fashioned Sith. Most of the drek Uthar has been passing through these days is so pathetic. Take young Mekel here… I already tested him. Didn't I, Mekel?” Mekel mumbles again, and Jorak Uln laughs. “Yes, yes, you're welcome. You see, Mekel here has the cruel disposition of a Sith,” - which doesn’t surprise me - “but not the gumption that I'm looking for.”

Well, he’s definitely lost it, and needs clinical help finding it. But that’s not going to get me out of here. “So what happens if I pass your test?”

“Why, then, you go free!” Bingo! “Tell you what… I'll even pass onto you my own personal thesis on ancient Sith philosophies. They're based on all I've learned studying Tulak's tomb. It'll make you a better Sith, I'm sure.” Which is not something I’m looking for. “The chances of you passing, however, are sadly remote.”

I like my chances, actually. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Now, now, is that any kind of attitude to take with higher education?” In my experience, yes. “I'm doing you a favor, really. So, then! This is how it goes: I'm going to pose a moral question to you. Get it right, and I torture Mekel. Get it wrong, and I torture you.” You can’t answer a moral question right or wrong, they’re opinions. But you know what, I don’t think that concerns him. “Mekel, here, is a bit weak… he probably won't be able to take much more punishment.” No, that’s some bad scarring, like “seek help now” scarring. “Mind you… get too many wrong and you'll die, yourself.” I’ve got a pretty high tolerance for electricity like that, but if it’s anything like how I was shocked earlier… I don’t want that again. But I can’t kill Mekel, either. He’s trash, sure, but he’s young trash. He could grow out of his trashiness if he’s given a push in the right direction. “I don't know what you think of Mekel. Maybe you don't like him. Maybe you think he deserves to be murdered? Well, here's your chance. Fair enough?” Okay, I can take some damage, how much can Mekel take? Trying to calculate all this in my head, work out my angles. When I don’t respond, Jorak Uln talks again. “Well, then! Any last comments before we begin, Mekel?”

Mekel looks over at me, he can see the wheels turning in my head. He grunts and says, “We can... both survive... attack him together!”

“Now, now, dear lad,” Uln says, “Do you really think your friend here will answer questions wrong just to spare little you, risking her own life? And how many correctly-answered questions before you die, hmmm? No, don't be silly… you had your chance, remember? On that note, let's begin!

“Now, then. Your immediate superior amongst the Sith is an effective commander and a fine leader. He trusts you and you like him. You see an opportunity to kill him. What do you do?”

A Sith would answer that they’d kill him and take power. But I have to be strategic about this to get both of us out alive. Let’s answer this one honestly. “I do nothing. He’s a good leader.”

“Incorrect!” Yeah, I know. “What sort of thinking is that? If all the Sith thought as you did, we would all be soft like the Jedi.” You’d also have a military that wasn’t built on fear and cruelty, but that must be too much to ask. “Ah, well. It is time for your punishment.” Oh, good God! Fuck!

But it’s over quick enough, thankfully, and he moves on to the next question. “And so we come to round two. You come across a group of humans who are threatened by dangerous animals. They plead for help, offering you a reward. What do you do?”

Hell, I’d help them without a reward. A Sith would take the reward and leave them. But I need a breather before I get shocked again. I give Mekel an apologetic look before I answer. “I take the reward and leave them to die.”

“Correct! The humans would no doubt just be preyed upon by something else, later.” Assuming I just left them. “Stand up for yourself, I say! We're not Jedi shepherds, after all.” He looks at Mekel. “Sadly, Mekel, the ingenuity of your fellow student is your loss. This is going to hurt.” Even as Mekel writhes in pain, I can’t help but be grateful it isn’t me. Even as his skin breaks and more scars ripple across.

Third question. “Let's see… ah, yes. You discover an aspect of the Force that gives you great power. Do you share it and strengthen the Sith as a whole or keep it to yourself?”

A Sith answer, as well as a scout’s answer, is to keep it to yourself. You always keep an advantage to keep yourself afloat at the end. For me it’s a hot springs on Utapau. The people there are fair traders and welcoming of outsiders, soil is rocky in a lot of places but they’ve spent millennia farming there so they know what they’re doing. Wildlife is stunning. I figured it would be a good place to settle when I couldn’t scout anymore. I guess for a Force user, a new power would be just as valuable. But I think Mekel needs a breather now. I don’t want to give it to him. But who am I if I let him die? “I share it,” I say finally.

“You gained an advantage and you share it freely?!” Dude, shut up. “Let them rip the secret from my dead hands, I say!” I plan to. “I mean... 'share it'?! Are you mad?!” He sighs. “Well, you did ask for this. It's for your own good.” Holy hell, I hate this! What the shit have I gotten myself into?

God, I need a break. “Still going?” Man, shut the hell up. “Alright, then. One of your underlings has made a major mistake which makes you look bad. He is normally very competent and skilled. Do you kill him or give him another chance?”

Personally I’d let him live. Let him learn. A Sith would kill him without a thought. And I don’t want to get hit again. Not so soon. “Kill him,” I say.

“Correct!” he exclaims. “Publicly, if you can. There is no room for that level of failure.” Dude, you’re the one living in a crypt, don’t lecture me about failure. “Not killing him would be seen as a sign of weakness... and then where would you be?” He turns to Mekel. “Ahhh, Mekel. The time has come once again, hasn't it?” Lightning shoots from his fingers again.

“Last question!” Oh, thank fuck. “You're about to die. Do you pass on your knowledge to your apprentice to make him stronger… or do you use your last breath to strike at your enemies?”

Just when I think the answer to this isn’t obvious, it comes to me: A true Sith never dies. Like… is that metaphorical, like how people still remember Ajunta Pall, or is that literal in the sense that Ajunta Pall wasn’t exactly dead? Or could it be both at once? Is Tulak Hord floating from room to room? Is there an ancient Sith no one remembers who’s haunting some cantina or something? And what does “true Sith” mean, anyway? What happens to a “false” Sith? Where did that answer even come from?

Either way, Mekel looks awful. I don’t think he’ll survive another right answer. I may hate it but I’ve still got a few wrong answers in me, and if this is the last question, then I’ll be okay. “I pass on my knowledge.”

Jorak Uln giggles excitedly. “Fool! It is a trick question! A true Sith never dies!!” You mean I was right? He laughs again. “I'll enjoy this one. Time for your medicine!” Shit shit! It’s okay, Rena, just lie back and think of droids, they always apologize for shocking you!

He gives me a moment to breathe. But it’s not a kindness. “Now, this is odd,” he says, “The test is over and you're both still alive. Well that's never happened before. Hmmmn…” Jolee shifts a bit. Carth is conscious now and even though Jolee has healed him both are still playing dead for now. “What to do, what to do…” Uln ponders, “I suppose this means you can go, Mekel.” He releases him from his grip. “I'll have to just figure out what to do with our friend, here. Run along, now.”

“Or…” Mekel says slowly, “… or I could use the Force to free her! And we could kill you!!” I feel Uln’s grip on me slacken and finally break. My legs feel jellied but I can still stand, and I pull out my lightsabers. I reach out with the Force and exhaust it to heal Mekel and myself. I hope Jolee saved some energy because we're both still only at half strength. “Seems you didn't think of that, old man!!”

“What?!” Uln exclaims, “Mutiny! Behave, students! I'll…!” Now Jolee reaches out to both of us, and I can stand on my legs again. Mekel’s scarring closes over. Carth jumps to his feet and pulls Jolee up. And now Uln loses the little he had left. “That's it! Detention for all of you! Permanent detention!!”

Uln activates his double-bladed lightsaber, but I’ve got my two out and Mekel has his as well. None of us have any Force left, but neither does Uln, which evens it out a bit. Uln focuses on Mekel, which means I can fight dirty from behind if I avoid the other end of his lightsaber. No one gives me electrical scarring if they don’t apologize afterwards. If he were a droid who didn’t apologize, well, I’d get to retune his power core, which can be unpleasant for the droid. People don’t have power cores, so I guess I have to just beat him senseless. Mekel pushes him backwards onto uneven footing. I sweep his legs out from under him and he falls over. Without missing a beat, Mekel runs him through.

He stands over him and laughs ironically. “What do you know?” he says, “I guess he wasn't a 'true Sith' after all.” He sighs and relaxes. “I can't believe that I'm alive,” he says, “You saved me… you could have easily just answered those questions and let me die. You knew the answers, I could tell, I could see you mulling it over.”

“Nobody deserves to die like that,” I say firmly, “There is no universe in which I left you to die.”

He takes a second to reflect. “Yeah, well…” he says thoughtfully, “… I see what you mean. I’ve never… I mean, I've never been on that side of the fence before. It makes you think. I'd be dead if you weren't…” He stops again, like he’s correcting himself. “… I mean, if you were a proper Sith. But you're not, are you? Don't worry… I won't tell anyone.”

“Frankly, I wasn’t worried, but thank you, anyway,” I say. He’s still quite pensive. “Seems to me like you’ve got a lot on your mind, a lot of thinking to do.” He looks at me wordlessly. “I get the impression you don't want to be a ‘true Sith’ like Uln. You’ve just got some crap to work through. There’s better places to work through it.”

“You mean… the light side?” he says softly, “I've never thought about that. Can you… can you even go back? I've done some… I mean, I've hurt a lot of people.”

“There's always remorse,” Jolee says, “And atonement. That's the harder path, though, boy. Think you can do that?”

“I…” he says nervously, “I don't think the light side is for me. But… maybe neither are the Sith. Maybe it's time for me to leave.”

I take a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” I say, “but have you thought about Czerka?”

Mekel scoffs. “Hell, no. Fuck Czerka.”

“Thank you!” I say, and we share a grin. “Well,” I say, “good luck wherever you end up.”

“To you, as well,” he says, “And… thank you.” He walks away, following the splotches on the wall to the exit.

Jorak Uln did a poor job of hiding his thesis. The ancient stone tablet is resting on the tomb of Tulak Hord, right out in the open. It’s not as heavy as it looks, but I am positively worn out, so Carth carries it for me out of the tomb. “So,” he asks me, “are you going to bother with any more tombs?”

“Hell, no, I’m not doing anything else today except relax with that bottle of Tarisian ale on the ship, I am exhausted.”

“I had hoped to save that till the end of the war,” he says, “but I think you’ve earned it now. But that wasn’t what I meant.” I look at him curiously. “By my count all of the other hopefuls are gone. Mekel just left, Lashowe’s dead, we’ll find out about Shaardan soon enough. Whether you’ve earned enough prestige or not, there isn’t exactly anyone left to oppose you.”

“You sound like you’ve got something in mind,” I say.

He shrugs sheepishly. “Well,” he says slowly, “I guess I’d… like to join you for that drink, if you don’t mind.”

This is a hell of a time to ask me out. Not that I’m complaining. “I’d like that,” I say.

He tries very hard not to beam. God, he’s adorable.

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Shaardan is dead at Master Uthar’s feet. Frankly I’m surprised nobody’s moved the body yet. “Master Uthar!” I call to get his attention, and he turns to me. “I have a tablet written by Jorak Uln.” Carth hands it off to him.

Uthar looks surprised. “It appears my old master was busy studying the writings in one of the tombs. How interesting.” He glances at me. “I do hope you had to pry this from his dead fingers.” Not exactly. “Regardless, you have impressed me with your worthy act.” He looks directly at me now. “Even if you were not the sole remaining hopeful, you have impressed me enough, by my estimation, to become a Sith in full. Congratulations, young one… you have bested the others quite completely, in more ways than one I’m sure. You have but one final test which you must take, and this requires us to travel to the tomb of Naga Sadow in the Valley of the Dark Lords. I would advise you to be rested and equipped before we leave. Return to your quarters now and seek me out in the morning.”

“My ship is still docked in Dreshdae,” I say, “Do you have any objection if I got there instead?”

“Go where you choose. But when you return, make sure that you have all that you will need… for you will face your test alone. Go, and may the Force serve you well.”

#star wars #knights of the old republic #fiction #autistic artist #kotor #specs writes stuff #kotor fic #rena visz #oc #fem!revan #ls!revan #carth onasi #jolee bindo #revanasi #korriban #mekel #fuck czerka #uthar wynn #swearing tw #death tw

[ohjohnno]

Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E08 (”My Dearest Foe”)

Well, now I see why I didn’t remember what happened in this episode. The answer, it turns out, is nothing much. This isn’t technically a filler episode - a couple of important new characters are introduced, and a plot thread is introduced at the end that will continue through just about the whole rest of the show - but the actual events of the episode are mostly inconsequential. Accordingly, I won’t spend too much time on ‘em here.

The first plot concerns Cheryl, who has now taken up a job at an insurance company. Nobody except her is especially happy with this - insurance companies, we’re informed, are “the scum of the Earth” - but Cheryl seems to like it. 

Things, alas, are not as they seem. The branch Cheryl works for turns out to be running a neat little scam, the girls there all approving each others’ bogus insurance claims; the boss lady, Penny, has been overseeing it thus far, but is looking to move on and wants Cheryl to be her replacement. She only hired her, it turns out, because of who she was, and Cheryl is quietly exasperated; no matter how she tries, she can’t seem to outrun her past. Penny also suggests that another reason she hired her was because she thinks of her as a kindred spirit in having been victimized by a terrible man; Cheryl’s not overly enthused with that suggestion either.

After a little deliberation, she turns down the offer. Penny didn’t expect that, and now fears that she’s told Cheryl enough to make her a threat; she tries to ship her off to a different branch in a place called “Pakuranga” (apparently way off elsewhere in Auckland). Cheryl, feeling betrayed, indulges in a bit of the old family tradition and steals her car, pawning it off to pay some maintenance bills; Penny fires her, and that, one might think, would be the end of it. But Penny, in a fit of pique, calls the cops on Cheryl over a stolen item she spotted in their house one time, and after an incredibly bored visit from Judd and Hickey (who have much better things to be doing), she pays Penny another visit, telling her in no uncertain terms to leave her the fuck alone before she has her friends rob the pants off her and everyone else in the office. Penny backs down.

“For your information, I’m nobody’s victim,” she tells her. Hmm. No comment.

The other main plot concerns Pascalle, and there’s barely anything there. She gets a call from the modeling agency she got registered at before she left the strip club, and they’re considering her for a charity shoot about animals. While in the waiting room, she bumps into a girl named Chantel Lazenby, a fellow model with the agency who also used to be a schoolmate. She used to be very fat, apparently, but she certainly isn’t anymore, and Van is of the belief that she’s “a dyke” (mostly because she rejected his advances once). What follows is an extremely low-stakes rivalry between the two as they both attempt to get the modelling job, mostly involving Pascalle and Chantel having a couple of glorified drinking contests and a few silly lesbian jokes. Eventually, Chantel is successful, and Pascalle is left in the dust, bitterly assuring herself that “Chantel was fat once, and you can’t escape genetics.”

That’s really it, as far as plots go. Doesn’t sound like enough to fill up an episode, does it? Well, it really isn’t - and it doesn’t. The rest of the episode is filled, mostly, with little things; interactions between various characters that have little plot significance but are fun to watch anyway. They’re the meat of this episode, and they make it a lot more likable than such an inconsequential episode really has any right to be.

For a start, Loretta - perhaps thanks to the success of her atrocity last episode - is in the very best mood we’ve ever seen her in the show so far; she’s bubbly and perky, grinning constantly, cracking jokes at everyone’s expense at the speed of light while making herself a constant nuisance for Cheryl, and, as much as I kinda hate to admit it considering what a monster she’s proven herself to be, she is absolutely delightful. We also learn that she’s one of those film nerds who considers Showgirls to be an underrated masterpiece, although she might just be teasing Van there.

There’s a running joke involving a big wooden cuckoo clock that Van (at Loretta’s behest) bought Cheryl for her birthday; it’s an ugly old thing, and it turns out to be stolen (not surprising, since Van bought it from Eric), and Cheryl hates it, which of course means Loretta completely loves it, repeatedly putting it back up on the wall every time Cheryl takes it down. “It’s a battle of wills,” she says, and it’s both hilarious and kind of oddly adorable. Also, lest we forget, Loretta having the idea to get Cheryl a present in the first place is significant - there’s a heart in there after all, it turns out, even if it behaves very strangely sometimes.

We also learn that she used to be great at Irish dancing, which will eventually be important (though not for a very long time). Elsewhere, we find Ted dealing with the fallout from last episode in his own way: poker, at the Wests’ dining table. He’s joined, over the course of the episode, by Munter (which is significant, since that makes this the first time he’s done anything plot-wise that isn’t related to Van), Eric (who’s still upset over Cheryl leaving the crime business), a new character called Falani (a very large, very crooked Samoan mechanic who will become a major supporting character eventually, and who also fixes Cheryl’s car this episode), and eventually Rochelle (who you may remember from episode four). It’s pretty high-stakes for them - they’re all playing for money - but it’s very low-stakes for the viewer, and it is also, possibly, the best part of the entire episode. 

Nothing much happens because nothing much needs to. It’s oddly relaxing to watch, actually; just a bunch of nice, simple jokes about an odd cast of various bogans playing poker against each other, subtly revealing things about themselves in the process. Falani goes on lengthy monologues about his skill at making love to his wife, but proves markedly less skilled at the patient, analytical art of the game; Munter is remarkably laid-back, enjoying softly making fun of Falani’s bad luck perhaps more than the game itself; Eric is perpetually grumpy, except when he disappears into the West bathroom and decides, for some reason, to try on some of Pascalle’s moisturizer (possibly thinking it’s Cheryl’s), which is hilarious; Rochelle is arrogant and remarkably skilled. But none of them are as good as Ted, who cleans them all out with aplomb, rarely speaking or changing his facial expression. “I feel much better now,” he says to Cheryl at one point; Cheryl isn’t so enthused with all these bums lazing around her house, but she can see his point.

Ted, at one point, has a one-on-one chat with Cheryl, noting with neither praise nor condemnation how the Wests “have never been much good at what you might call actual jobs”. We’ll see how that statement ages. Wolf turns up just long enough to justify Grant Bowler’s paycheck, his scene pretty much pointless except for how funny it is; he baked her a birthday cake, apparently, but when a car failure prevented her from arriving at the prison to pick it up “it got eaten”, and now he doesn’t want to talk about it, moping like a teenage boy behind the prison desk. 

There’s two sides to this show, basically, and this episode is the lighter one. It’s all very low-stakes and very whimsical, and if that means nothing much of consequence happens, well, that’s okay. We get to see the three West children who still live at home laughing and having fun with each other, their lives all mostly tranquil for once, giving us something of a control group for when things start to go wrong. We see the West household in a moment of peace, nothing particularly awful happening to it, nothing calamitous getting in the way of the atmosphere. It’s nice. I like it.

There’s one more thing. In this episode, we’re introduced to Kacey, an old friend of Cheryl’s with “shit taste in blokes” (her words) and a passion for designing undergarments. She talks, at first, of starting up a business, and eventually, having lost her latest job, Cheryl agrees to join her in her venture. The results from this pairing will last a very long time indeed, and Kacey will end up becoming an extremely significant character. That’s all yet to come, though.

This episode also has possibly my favorite ending to any of the less important Outrageous Fortune episodes ever. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. Man, this show could be funny when it wanted to. And here, for the most part, that’s all it wants to do. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. After the last episode, it’s nice to have a breather. As I recall, actual important stuff kicks in again next episode. I will see you then.

#Antonia Prebble #Siobhan Marshall #antony starr #Robyn Malcolm #grant bowler #television #outrageous fortune #Frank Whitten #rachel lang #Gutter Black #nz

[icemintfreeze]

What’s each of your Object OCs’ personalities, likes and dislikes? I really think they all are really cute and would really love to draw them in mini scenarios!

oh!!!! OH!!!! thank you?!! i have. a lot of them because each one is gonna play a big role in the show, so ill list em below if thats ok!!!BIG LIST BELOW O:

SO!! here we go:

Lava Lamp- Anxious, timid, closed-n? But he’s trying his best to be positive, to heal, to be better than he was!Slime Jar- JUBILANT! Sweet, very bright, loving! Lava Lamp’s right hand woman, they’re the closest of pals Water Wand- Welcoming, a great listener, very nice and always offers a cup of tea when they have visitors. They believe they’re magical; they want to live in the performing art city; not where they are now.Cuckoo Clock- Ditzy, loopy, high (off of life jahdhssh) never thinks twice, vulnerable to ALL danger. Has one brain cell sjdjjdjxSticky Notes- Very moody, each color sticky note is a different mood (green-happy, red-angry, Yellow-afraid, etc.), works 3 jobs, just. Tired FOODSJelly Bean- Sweet! Loving! A baby!!! A child at heart, she’s very bright and believes that the world is amazing.Cake Pop- Sassy, yet polite, a fashionista; mysterious aura. he aspires to live in the city of beauty, but he’s stuck with the foods; he feels like an oddball.Peanut Butter Cup- Rude, arrogant, close-minded. She knows how to cut someone down to nothing, let it be mentally or emotionally.Heart Lollipop- Ambivert! Loving and forgiving, yet self-depreciating (shes trying to drop the habit!)Lemon- Blind, somber, yet grateful to still be alive. Not afraid to speak up for their sibling, Lime.Lime- Protective over Lemon, doesn’t really care about himself. He’s either very cool n’ chill, or very very sour.Cough Drop- Drowsy, sad, constantly thinking about…..him. Feels extremely misplaced; focused on making cures for illnesses. Coughs sometimes. Nature PalsPoison Ivy- Brave, stubborn, kind of a jokester. Kind of mean. Can’t really come in contact with any one, otherwise they get a really nasty rash.Touch-Me-Not: Shy, scared, weak. Isn’t the strongest, can’t handle anything without crying or closing up. No one knows much about them.Ocean FriendsFire Coral- Tough, bilingual (knows english spanish n many more). He’s very smart but doesn’t like to show it; he’d rather be seen as a toughie than a nerd. Like Poison Ivy, no one can get close to him; they’ll get a very bad burn.Sea Anemone- Faithful, wise, trustworthy; the mom friend of the group. She will destroy anyone who hurts her pals. (she. has no arms tho…..)Fish Bowl/Container(?)- Skillful and mature. They take care of the beta fish inside of them, with the help Sea Anemone and Sea Glass (and sometimes Fire Coral)Sea Glass- Isolated, misty; they honestly can’t find much joy in anything. But, pair them with Slime jar, or Sea Anemone, or anyone? They’ll be  happy and alive; life will clear up for themMessage in a Bottle- Local postman of the ocean part, LOVES to spread gossip. Very conceited.Arts n’ Crafts!Canvas- very expression ate! if you were to draw anything on her face (or if she does so herself), her mood/personality would match the painting! (ex. draw something sad, she’ll be gloomy. draw a tree? she will stand still and up; like a tree).Clay- confused, silent, doesn’t know who they are. Tries looking for themselves in others; the way they do this? shapeshifts into other arts n crafts. (loves to shapeshift into Ticket’s form. Though, Ticket isn’t very fond of them).Glitter: Imaginative; spaces out constantly. They’re very silly, yet very sangfroid when it comes to situations.Bead Box- Glitter’s buddy, she’s very vitriolic. She has more book-smarts, she doesn’t want to be in this town anymore. She loves to learn; she loves to build, most of all.Water Bead- very sincere and honest; has a high tolerance for everyone, and is a great pal to vent to. But who knows whats going on in their head…BeautyEye Shadow- A former model, eye shadow is very non-verbal. She only speaks in a mysterious, yet soothing tone of voice. Her past is full of questions, and she has a mysterious aura wherever she goes. But don’t fuck with her; she will NOT have it.Earrings- Siblings, blue agate jewels; they absolutely LOVE to mess around with Eye Shadow. They like to misplace her things, mess around with her, play pranks; though they do it at a point. They never push her limits. They’re very respectful and when she is ticked, they keep their distance. The two love to bake.Card- Party animal!! He loves to throw extravagant parties, or wild ones, even small, calm ones! He doesn’t know why he was put here in the city of beauty; was it just because of his card cover?Tourmaline- they’re two in one! They both enjoy studying other types of minerals and diamonds. The most nerdy in the city, the others come to them for answers about regular jewel stuff; “where are diamonds found?” “how is gold made?” and, the most common: “do I look better with the rubies necklace or the pearled necklace?”Lights! Camera! Action!Music Box- can only sing or speak on a harmonic tone; very emotional during her performances. Very gentle and sweet, doesn’t mean no harm.Ticket- Very grumpy and hates this stupid town. Wants to be in arts n’ craftsville, because they love to draw. But they sell tickets for a living; and they hate it.SpooksGhost- Scares everyone they meet, but they don’t mean it; they’re very joyful and full of. life. they can float and they have strong supernatural powers; if they’re sad, it rains. if they’re angry, the earth shakes. spooky.Planchette- Pale, insane, paranoid yet proud of it; he sees things no one else can really see, sometimes summons demons when he’s truly angry. Otherwise, he’s just a trembling train-wreck during the day, like a vampire.SCIENCE!!Cursor- Very technology based. They’re a big nerd, they will randomly spew out facts that they’ve learned from the web; or, facts about gadgets they’ve built. Battery- Zany and Fidgety, she doesn’t understand why everyone thinks she’s so smart. She’s filled with so much energy!! When she’s running low, she’ll be very sluggish, and won’t know whats going on.Virus- Knows about all sicknesses and diseases. They’re the doctor of the group, but don’t get too close- they’ll get someone sick. They’re mostly bossy and they lead everyone else in the city.Glitch-In constant pain. They don’t remember what happened that made them this way. They believe that everything in this utopia isn’t well, but can never speak it out. No one knows about their past…Magma- Bold and fanatical, he thinks he’s the greatest in the city. He gets called Lava by a LOT of the objects; and this ticks him off.SO!!!! THIS WAS A LOT IM REALLY SORRY ANON BUT!!!! I HOPE THESE ARE GOOD!!!! they’re all still a bit of a WIP

#i hope u enjoy!!! #asks #anon #ice rambles #my oc's #ten rules #EDIT; TUMBLR LET ME POST HELL YEAG #FEEL FREE TO RB BTW!! #id love for other peeps to know about em!

[miraclessarcasm]

Titans

Ok...

So I saw the trailer yesterday and I was really excited for it because who doesn’t love Teen Titans. I remember watching the animated show and it got me reading the comics so I was hyped for this.

Then I watched the trailer. I’m disappointed.

The whole trailer gave of this edgy dark tone which made me confused. And yes I know Teen Titans in the comics had dark story lines and they dealt with dark mature stuff which I like, but this went beyond that. Like I could feel it trying to cut me with it’s butter knife and I can’t get with it.

Now imma talk about the characters starting with Dick. Imma say that I like his costume and the actor that’s playing him, it really does look like robin when I was watching this. But then we get to the scene where he is fighting these guys, it’s brutal especially when he steps on someone’s jaw and breaks it(or was it his neck?). Someone said that he didn’t really kill these guys he just shots in the air to scare them off but I watched it again and it looks like he shot at them, hopefully it’s not the case.

The whole “Fuck Batman” thing doesn’t bother me at all, I don’t give a fuck someone had to say it other than Jason (and maybe Damian).It’s kinda funny to me. Speaking of Jason, Dick really took lessons from him, because that’s what I’m seeing, and I know that in the comics Dick can be serious and angry especially since he didn’t want to be in Batman’s shadow all the time and wanted to do his own thing which I understand, but he would always come back to being that charming, humorous and nice guy that we all know him as. The trailer look liked it didn’t give a fuck and made him violent and depressed which made me depressed honestly, hopefully they change it over time but we’ll see. There’s an episode called Jason Todd which we’ll be interesting to see how there similar personalities will clash.

Next Raven. She looks like a Hot Topic employee.

You thought Robin was edgy, we’ll here is edgelord. Raven has always been like a goth chick in animated and in the comics so it should have made sense but nope, every time she showed up it reminded me of a low budget horror chick and I was not impressed with it.

Her personality was off, she has always been this calm, dark and almost unemotionally character because she had to because of her father who’s always fucking with her so she had to stay calm and be ahead of the game, but this one is screaming, crying and her CGI powers are all over the place (what happened to her white eyes?). I understand that this one is 13 years old and from what I read she’s just discovering her powers. I think they might change her story which I’m iffy about. It seems her and Dick will form a connection with each other which I’m down for(and not the romantic kind you sick fucks).

Next Starfire. Who the Fuck dressed her.

She looks like a flaming Beyoncé from the 2000s. Now I saw all of there costumes way back when it was released and was shocked like everybody else, but they explained that it wasn’t there finally look if I heard correctly and I relaxed. But why the fuck did they show it in the trailer like she’s the baddest bitch. Like no hate on the actress she’s talented and beautiful and I don’t give a fuck about her race, and to the ones that do and are being racist needs to shut the fuck up and stop sucking that white dick for a sec, they cant hire an orange alien actress guys and as long as she can act like starfire then I’m good. However it doesn’t excuse that ugly outfit and those noodles for a hair, I don’t care if it’s based on the old comics I’ve seen cosplayers who do better. Her power look like fire which confused me and again I know her green energy bolts changed colored in different comics but it looks like fire, fix it.

BeastBoy. We didn’t see much.

Other that a few seconds of him jumping. His green skin needs to be fixed, it looks like they didn’t try enough. They could do a Gamora and everything would be fine.

Edit: someone in the comments said that he had a bad reaction to it so I won’t be mad at this and I hope the actor is alright.

I can’t say much on personality since we didn’t see much but hopefully they stick with his comedic side because it looks like we need.

Hawk and Dove. Costumes on point.

But I don’t remember Dove being aggressive out of the duo. Dove is suppose to be the calm, pacifist one since Hawk is cuckoo for coca puffs, but then it shows her fucking people up brutally, and there was this one shot where she slaps someone and there face explodes with blood. They need to explain this.

Cyborg. Not in this you guys.

I been knew this but others didn’t and are angry. I was upset but not anymore, with the CGI they have here Cyborg would literally be a walking tin foil. He looks like a ugly transformer in Justice League what makes you think he would look better here.

Edit: he’s in the new doom patrol t.v series that will come out soon. Doesn’t make sense, it was beast boy who’s was in doom patrol.

Speaking of CGI it’s bad, like they shouldn’t be doing this show bad.

And the if you hear the sounds in the trailer when there fighting and stuff it sounds bad too.

Anyways, this show needs a balance within itself because it’s so edgy which makes it cringy, it’s literally screaming at me “It’s not a phase mom!!” Of all the shows they picked to be hella dark they went with Teen Titans, that’s about a group of teens coming together and being close to one another and trying to fight of the evil in the world but at the same time having fun.

Hopefully they make trailer 2 look better because starting off with this wasn’t good on their part. I want to wish the best of luck with this show and I will watch it but damn this is something.

#Teen Titans #DC #Robin #Starfire #Raven #Beastboy #Hawk #Dove #My rant #FuckBatman #sorry but its funny to me #i say this when life is shitting on me now #dceu #jason todd #titans #dcuniverse

[krovscastlerpg]

It's Anon hour, and since this is our last one before Halloween, we've got a mega-sized one for you guys! To participate, simply reblog this post, or post a link to your ask box, have fun!!

*Under the cut you'll find 100 Halloween starters and 100 Halloween questions! I'm sorry for mobile users who can't see what they are, the post was just too long not to put under a read-more, if anyone is on mobile and can't see the list, please send an ask to the main and we'll reblog a non-cut version that will //NOT// be available to be reblogged, please reblog THIS read-more version, thank you!*

Halloween starters

“I promised a reward if you did a couple’s costume with me this year. Well, I’m ready to pay up.”

“I’m not sure how, but you have melted chocolate on your neck. I’ll get it off for you.”

“You scared me, you jerk! Feel how fast my heart is beating.”

“I can’t look! I’m hiding my face in your lap.”  

“Bobbing for apples is so gross. If I’m going to swap spit with a stranger, I’d rather just make out with you.”

“Do you think I can lick my way down to the stick of this lollipop? Can you keep your hands to yourself while I try?”

“This is usually the part in the slasher flick where the horny couple sneaks away from the group… follow me, unless you’re scared.”

“I’ve never seen a sexier costume in my life. Keep it on.”

“They say you feel cold when you’re in the presence of a ghost. What’s it mean when you start getting hot?”

“How hard can you bite with those plastic fangs in your mouth?”

“Halloween is basically an excuse for you to walk the streets in lingerie –and I love every second of it.”

“I’m sorry, babe. Scaring you seemed like a funny idea at the time. Let me make it up to you?”

“The Ouija board just spelled ‘fuck’ and I think we should listen to it.”

​❝ i made pumpkin cookies! want to try one? ❞

❝ did you cut yourself carving the pumpkin? let me see it. ❞

❝ stay still i’m almost done with your costume. ❞

❝ help me decorate! ❞

​❝ it’s chilly out here, you need a coat. take mine. ❞

​❝ you sound sick. are you sick? ❞

​❝ let’s go get hot chocolate then go for a walk. ❞

❝ let’s go jump in the leaves! ❞

​❝ come in here where it’s dry! ❞

​❝ please, enough with the pumpkin spice. ❞

​❝ good morning. no, don’t get up, it’s raining, let’s stay in bed a little longer… ❞

❝ i don’t get scared. i’m practically fearless. ❞

❝ did you hear that? ❞

❝ we have to get out of here! ❞

❝ are you going to hide in my shoulder the whole time? or actually watch the movie? ❞

❝ don’t blame me! it was your idea to come in here! ❞

❝ what are you going as for halloween this year? ❞

❝ i wanna make sure that my jack-o-lantern is the best! ❞

❝ that guy in the gorilla costume has been following us for the past ten minutes. ❞

❝ aww come on! it was a prank! ❞

❝ please, please, PLEASE no scary movie marathon! ❞

❝ that wasn’t funny! ❞

❝ i’m not sure we should go down that hall. ❞

❝ i don’t like these woods. ❞

❝ i just saw something! ❞

❝ look at that intestine cake! ❞

❝ i’m a real vampire. ❞

❝ i made us matching costumes! ❞

❝ i think i just saw something move outside your window…is someone watching us? ❞

❝ did you hear there’s a masquerade ball this halloween? let’s go! ❞

❝ you shouldn’t go out there! ❞

❝ s-scared? me? i’m not..scared. ❞

“What is your greatest fear?”

“Do you dare me?”

“I don’t think we should go in there.”

“This was a horrible idea.”

“Is that really red syrup? Please tell me it’s syrup.”

“What was that noise?’

“I heard that he died right over there.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Please don’t touch the human remains.”

“I’m calling it. We are lost in the woods.”

“Please take your mask off.”

“What’s that?

“You don’t want to know. Don’t look.”

“I dare you to go in there. Alone.”

“Please don’t leave me here!”

“I don’t want to end up like the others.”

“I never thought I’d fall in love with a werewolf.”

“Anyone who goes there refuses to talk about it afterward.”

“I thought vampires were supposed to burst into flames when they get staked.”

“I can’t stand blood.”

“Do you know any spells to get rid of this thing?”

“I… I think I have fangs.”

“And this is why you shouldn’t screw with the laws of nature.”

“If you wear that ‘this is my costume’ t-shirt, I swear to god…”

“Ew, I hate this flavor. Trade?”

“Stop crying, it was just some dude wrapped in toilet paper!”

“Wow, you sure put too much effort into this holiday.’

“Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?”

“I don’t think you should be having that much sugar…”

“Kind of makes me wish something interesting would happen. Like murder.”

“NO. NO OUIJA BOARDS!”

“I’ve seen scarier Hot Topic cashiers.”

“This isn’t right. Where are the slutty male costumes?!”

“No way. People who have sex at parties die on Halloween. That’s just movie logic.”

“Don’t tell me you’re not dressing up for Halloween.”

“It’s the mooost wonderful tiiime of the yeaaaaar~”

“I’m in pumpkin spice hell.”

“How many caramel apples do we need? Two? Twenty? Four hundred? I’m buying four hundred.”

“If you don’t carve pumpkins with me this year, we’re not friends anymore.”

“If you don’t carve pumpkins with me this year, I’m breaking up with you.”

“I drank a gallon of cider all by myself. I regret nothing.”

“Let’s do a couple costume this year.”

“Did you know they used to carve faces on turnips?”

“October is when the creeps come out of hiding. Hence, I am here.”

“Want to have a horror movie marathon with me?”

“You ever realize that the fall smell everyone loves so much is just the scent of dying plants?”

“We need to add more Halloweens to the year. 30 more to be exact.”

“I’m not really superstitious. I think the whole ‘spirits returning to earth’ thing is ridiculous.”

“Whether or not I believe in ghosts, I’m not going to risk it with a Ouija board.”

“You know, there are a lot of spooky legends about this time of year.”

“October is the best time for blankets and [hot beverage of choice].”

“Ah, October. The harvest season. Perfect for harvesting souls.”

“I want a pumpkin spice latte and I don’t care what anyone thinks.”

“I’m still undecided on my Halloween costume this year.”

“I don’t dress up anymore. That’s for kids.”

“Tell me the scariest story you have.”

“Do you want to hear something scary?”

Halloween Asks

Welcome to Dead House - Have you ever moved to a new home?

Stay Out of the Basement - Are you hiding anything…?

Monster Blood - How tall are you? Would you change your height if given the chance?

Say Cheese and Die - What is your favorite photo of yourself? Could you share it?

The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb - Do you believe in curses and bad luck?

Lets Get Invisible - Have you ever wished you could trade places with someone else for a day?

Night of the Living Dummy - Do you constantly try to one-up your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, do you constantly try to one-up other people?

The Girl Who Cried Monster - Can you recall a time that people did not believe you about something, even though you were telling the truth?

Welcome to Camp Nightmare - What lengths have you gone through to pass a test?

The Ghost Next Door - If you could choose how you were going to die, how would you go and why?

The Haunted Mask - What do you consider to be a “symbol of love” in your life?

Be Careful What You Wish For - If you had three wishes, what would they be?

Piano Lessons can be Murder - Do you have any musical talent? What kind of instrument(s) can you play?

The Werewolf of Fever Swamp - Would you adopt a stray animal? Have you?

You Can’t Scare Me - What is your biggest fear?

One Day at Horrorland - Do you enjoy rides? What is your favorite ride?

Why I’m Afraid of Bees - Do you kill insects or let them outside?

Deep Trouble - Do you like to swim? A pool or the ocean?

The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight - Do you have any bizarre family/close family friends? What do they do that’s so out of the norm?

Go Eat Worms - Have you ever ruined someone else’s hard work?

Ghost Beach - Do you have any unusual hobbies that other people may judge you for?

Phantom of the Auditorium - Have you ever been to or been in a play? What play(s) have you gone to/been to?

Attack of the Mutant - Who is your favorite comic book Super-Villain?

My Hairiest Adventure - How did you react when you reached puberty? How about when you started to grow hair in weird places?

A Night in Terror Tower - Have you ever traveled to another country? Where did you go and what kinds of things did you experience?

The Cuckoo Clock of Doom - If you could go back in time, where would you go and why?

It Came from Beneath the Sink - How often do you compliment others? How often do you insult others?

The Barking Ghost - Are you a dog person or a cat person?

The Horror at Camp Jellyjam - Have you ever tried so hard to win something that you realized wasn’t worth winning in the first place?

Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes - Have you ever been accused of something you never did?

A Shocker on Shock Street - What is your favorite genre of movie? What is your favorite movie of that genre?

The Headless Ghost - Do you enjoy scaring others? Or do you enjoy being scared yourself?

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena - Do you prefer the cold weather or the hot weather?

How I got my Shrunken Head - Do you own any rare or bizarre artifacts?

Bad Hare Day - Are you into magic tricks? Can you perform any?

Egg Monsters from Mars - What is your favorite holiday?

The Beast from the East - What is your favorite outdoors game to play?

Ghost Camp - What is your favorite summer-time activity?

How to Kill a Monster - What are you allergic to (if anything at all)?

Legend of the Lost Legend - Have you ever gone treasure-hunting or geocaching?

Attack of the Jack'O'Lanterns -  What is your favorite Halloween costume (that you’ve worn or seen someone else wear)?

Vampire Breath - Are you forgetful and often misplace important things?

Calling All Creeps - Have you ever received and answered a strange call from an unknown number?

Beware the Snowman - What is your favorite thing to do in the snow?

How I Learned to Fly - Do you wish to be famous? Do you think being famous would ruin who you are?

Chicken Chicken - Have you ever done something that has caused you to regret it once you received the consequences?

Don’t Go to Sleep - What keeps you up at night?

The Blob that Ate Everyone - What kind of things do you like to write about (if anything at all)?

The Curse of Camp Cold Lake - Do you treat others with the same respect they treat you?

My Best Friend is Invisible - Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever gone ghost hunting?

The Haunted School - What is your favorite subject in school? What is your least favorite subject?

Werewolf Skin - Do you feel comfortable in your own skin?

I Live in your Basement - Are your parents extremely over-protective or are they under-protective?

Bat: If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be?

Black Cat: Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about?

Broomstick: If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be?

Candy Corn: What food disgusts you the most?

Cauldron: What is your favorite thing to cook?

Cobwebs: One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark?

Coffin: Are you claustrophobic?

Demon: What is your worst flaw?

Eerie: One thing that always creeps you out?

Fright: What is your biggest fear?

Ghost: If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind?

Gravestone: Ideal way you'd like to die?

Haunted House: If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick?

Hocus Pocus: What is the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard?

Howl: Your favorite kind of dog?

Jack-o'-lantern: Do you have any scars? If so, how many?

Monster: What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark?

Mummy: Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die?

Potion: What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic?

Pumpkin: What is your favorite food around the holidays?

Scream: Easiest way to scare you?

Skeleton: Tell me one of your biggest secrets?

Spooky: What was your last nightmare about?

Trick or Treat: Tell me about the greatest prank you've ever pulled?

Vampire: Which one are you? Early bird or night owl?

Witch: If could have the power to cast any kind of spell, what kind of spell would you cast?

Wendigo: What is one food you always overeat?

Autumn: What is your favorite season?

Fear: Do you get scared easily?

Chocolate: What is your favorite kind of candy?

Werewolf: What is your favorite supernatural creature?

Shapeshifter: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Under The Bed: What was your biggest fear as a child?

Decorations: Do you decorate? If so, how much?

Ouija Board: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Graveyard: Do you know any good scary stories?

Bones: Have you ever broken a bone?

Goatman: What is your favorite urban legend?

Horror Flick: Do you like scary movies? If so, which one is your favorite?

Haunting: Would you prefer to live in the city or the country?

Zombie: Do you think that you could survive a zombie apocalypse?

Spiders: What animal would you least like to be around?

Hellhound: Do you have any pets?

Brew: What kind of potion would you make if you had the opportunity?

Full Moon: Do you prefer nighttime or daytime?

Corn Maze: What is your favorite autumn activity?

Highway 666: What exciting places have you traveled to?

#Anon Hour #krovscastletask

[drakorn]

Tanz der Vampire St. Gallen - Act 1 Spoiler Review

Following my little commentary about the St. Gallen production, I have decided that I would actually like to make a full review. Now, back in April, @kahorifutunaka and I watched the St. Gallen production of Tanz der Vampire, directed by Ulrich Wiggers. At first, our opinions were quite mixed. Now we are closer to an agreement: The St. Gallen production does have some great solid directing and the cast is EXCELLENT, but the modern concept is wasted potential. But...why leave it here? You saw the title, right? Let’s get into full spoiler territory! To those who would like to still see the St. Gallen production without being spoiled too much, turn away right now. Everyone else, let’s go :D

Overtüre: Ok, here we can get a first positive: The Orchestra is actually full live in St. Gallen. You WILL get your goosebumps here...in the first few seconds. Remember how magnificent the animations in the original Tanz are? Well...here we get a forest graveyard first and most, followed by a gigantic castle that looks a bit like Bran Castle in Transylvania. The castle actually looks quite nice, but one would wonder “Why is the castle being shown now?” Well, this question is going to be answered in a few minutes. We then see...a much MUCH younger Professor Abronsius running onstage into the fog. We now see two gigantic rat statues with red eyes standing onstage. I am still unsure why they chose RATS of all things. I can imagine this famous Harry Potter meme being inserted here. “Let’s put rats in front of Krolock’s castle!” “But why rats?” “What other creature would you put there to be associated with vampires then?” “Oh, I don’t know...maybe a bat?” Anyway...Abronsius proceeds to examine those rats when he is suddenly...stuck in one of them? Yeah, I still don’t know what that was about...

He, ho, he: Only then does Alfred enter the stage. He is pretty much the same age as in the original version, just dressed entirely differently. He proceeds to sing his song until he discovers Abronsius in the grasp of one of the big bad rats! He frees him and together they proceed to walk...into the castle? Huh...weird...

Knoblauch: Ok, here is where things might get a little confusing at first glance. There are no more signs of a warm and cosy inn where the villagers hide from vampires. No, no, no...they are WITH the vampires already. Yeah, the inn and the castle have been merged into the same place. On the walls, you can see “Sanatorium K” written in fancy gothic letters. So...Krolock owns a Sanatorium...this version of Tanz is, therefore, taking place in an asylum? Jeesh, am I glad they mean the resort kind of asylum. If they would have shown Krolock and his cohorts merely THINKING that they are vampires because they are all cuckoo in their heads...I wouldn’t even know how to react tbh XD Anyway, the thing that ultimately takes the cake in this scene is the gigantic Garlic head in the middle of the room, with taps attached to it...wait...does it mean that the humans ACTUALLY drink garlic juice in this version? Holy moly, THEY are the crazy ones here! But anyway...there is actually something I like in this scene and that’s the costumes of Chagal and Rebecca. They don’t look like stereotypical jews anymore. Rebecca actually looks like a normal person here. Yeah, she’s a bit big, but she dresses nicely, has red hair, glasses and doesn’t look like a cartoon. Chagal looks like a hotel manager here, so...he’s in charge of the asylum? Does it mean, he is in direct communication with Krolock? Uh, this might make for some interesting change! Anyway, let’s see how this goes. So, Alfred and Abronsius stumble in and are taken care of. It is to note that Magda looks more like a nurse rather than a maid in this one. So...it IS an asylum for the mentally ill? I am SO confused. Anyway, Abronsius is woken up by something that looks like a very steaming liquid. And it must smell nice since he actively stretches out his nose. We also see some dark figure lurking in the upper floow...looks like a hotel page...uniform...strangely emo hair...and a hunchback? Is that Koukol? Yes, Koukol already features in Knoblauch here, where he is upstairs and runs away as soon as the two travellers arrive. Does it mean, he is already informing Krolock? That should be interesting. And then the dialogue happens...Abronsius asks “Is there a castle nearby?” Uuuuhm...you kinda JUST walked into the castle! Or perhaps he didn’t notice that this was the castle as it was dark and foggy...but I don’t know. And then Chagal says “No, no castle, nope, what are you talking about? We’re clearly in a castle but naaah, never heard of a CASTLE nearby, lol.” (He didn’t actually say that XD) Then we have the ONLY text change in the ENTIRE musical. The Dorftrottel says “But this place used to be a castle once.” Aaaaah, so Krolock renovated at least parts of his castle in order to build an asylum. Actually, the more you look into the scene, you can actually see vampires amongst the humans. You can point them out by their evil grins and white contact lenses, which I admit does look pretty good.

Bitte, meine Herren: Chagal leads them into their rooms. Ok, STOP! Is this a HOLIDAY asylum, therefore a hotel, or a MENTAL asylum? The word Sanatorium can be used in quite a few variations! Or is it a combination of both? I am SO confused! PLEASE EXPLAIN YOURSELF, MUSICAL! You already changed ONE LINE, it can’t be that hard to include some extra dialogue to match the modern setting! Anyway, Alfred and Abronsius get TWO beds now (wow, how nice of Chagal!) And this time, they sleep stage right, while Sarah’s bedroom is stage left. Ok, let us talk about Sarah’s bedroom, because there is quite a few things to mention. First of all, she has Marilyn Manson posters, along with things from (I think) Twilight and Vampire Diaries. And Sarah has considerably darker hair in this version...OH. MY. GOD. They have given Sarah the Bella Swan treatment! She KNOWS about the vampires and WANTS to be bitten by them! THAT IS...actually really smart. I mean, think about it! Krolock is using the vampire romance hype of the 21st century to get his victims. This makes it all the more easier for him! And it also perfectly parodies the whole “immortal love” aspect. But then there is the other aesthetic thing...WHY are the rooms so dirty? Seriously, the colour is coming off the walls, it looks like a toilet XD Maybe that’s the intention, but I remember the cosy wooden inn...yeah...that was nice.

Eine schöne Tochter: This one is actually pretty entertaining and is one of the best modern transitions of this version. Chagal not only uses a hammer to lock Sarah’s door, no, he also uses a drill! I really like that idea! Perfect inclusion of modern elements.

Nie geseh’n: This is where the entirety of the stage gets used. I actually quite like this scene as well. Chagal finds Magda on a sort of balcony, smoking a cigarette. Her “sewing” remark is treated as sarcasm here. That’s a nice creative way of getting around without changing the lyrics. Also, instead of a Salami, Rebecca uses her walking stick (yeah, she has one here) to beat the shit out of Abronsius and Chagal. What I also enjoy is that the Orchestra pit is incorporated, as in, the actors actually walk through it in order to get to some parts. But here is something I don’t enjoy: Ok, Rebecca has been given red hair in this production...WHY would you change Sarah’s hair then? Come on, you had THE opportunity to create more resemblance and you tossed it out of the window. Shame....Shame....Shame....ok, that’s enough Game of Thrones. Look at the Finnish version, they did it better with the resemblance!

Gott ist tot: Ok...where do I begin to describe how Krolock looks like in this one? He dramatically appears on the rooftop over Sarah’s bedroom and begins walking around on it...dressed in a very thick fur coat. Also, this Krolock looks much older than the one in the original version. But I actually quite like his hairstyle. It is not as wild, it is more civilised. He looks like you would expect a contemporary aristocrat to look like. However...the fur coat and the song make him look like an (and many people have said this before me) undead sugar daddy. And his seductive cat-like movements on the rooftop, followed by a 30-second creepy as fuck stare into Sarah’s window, watching her sleep (ehehe, Twilight, ehehe), don’t really help the case XD Overall, I think Krolock’s first appearance in this version is a bit underwhelming. Remember how in the original version, he glides through the audience, spends the first part of the song in darkness and casts a giant shadow over the entire stage? All of that is unfortunately missing and nothing really makes up for it. The Finnish version had dying couples singing the “Sei bereit...” around him while he was still covered in darkness, THAT is a way of making up for it. But here...no, I didn’t really feel it tbh.

Alles ist hell: One of the biggest changes so far. It takes place in a gym hall (huh, so it IS a hotel then, because I don’t see why a mental asylum should have such a fancy looking gym). Again, we have vampires as well as humans in the gym. Sarah is also allowed outside in this one...well, I hope she is only allowed outside inside the building where her parents can see her, otherwise Draußen ist Freiheit would loose a bit of its impact. And here we have the now second appearance of Koukol. I don’t know, I really hate his hairstyle here. He looks like an emo. But I like that the entire bargain for candles gets a bit more obscure with the modern setting. Why would someone order so many candles when they have electric lights? This leads to the belief that Krolock has only refurbished a certain part of the castle and himself dwells in an older one. Quite an interesting idea here.

Wahrheit: I actually really enjoyed this scene. Abronsius is younger here and they take full advantage of that. A lot of this song is sung on the stationary bicycles of the gym, with Abronsius drinking water, and also breathing into an inhalator...huh, I...guess, he has asthma here? But I appreciate the hard work the actors put in here. It can’t be easy to sing a song like this on bicycles! Also, I like that instead of the wood falling down, a lamp explodes when Abronsius does his high note here. But again, some of the script (”Und dabei schlüpft meine Säge durch Zieder”) would have been up for a change. But at least the Nobel prize makes sense in this context, I guess.

Du bist wirklich sehr nett: I can’t really say that much about this version because it nearly plays out the exact same way. The only difference is that Sarah walks through the orchestra pit to get to Alfred. But yeah, this isn’t one of the scenes where you can change that much.

Einladung zum Ball: Holy moly, THIS scene, however, is a totally different story! First of all, Krolock’s teleportation is grander here. He has two doubles this time, one high up stage left and one further lower stage right. The light shines on them without revealing Krolock’s face, which makes it really believable. However, we also have the stage direction where Sarah gets out of the bath, goes behind the set, in order to sit in a bigger bath in order for the scene to play out.  Krolock appears and delivers his invitation. The difference here is that Sarah isn’t frightened or shocked at all...she is happy. This Sarah REALLY wants to get bitten by Krolock. Also, she is actually naked in this one, and she even stands up, with her back facing the audience of course. Krolock quickly takes his fur coat and wraps it around Sarah, which looks quite hilarious actually. It looks like he’s saying “Sarah! This is not a PG15 show, and you are 17 for crying out loud! Here, have my coat and cover yourself!” He then walks away, leaving a magnificent impression on Sarah. We don’t actually see Chagal spanking her in this one, we just hear it. Oh, so we can have naked Sarah, but we can’t see her getting spanked? This show must have had a weeeird risk assessment XD

Draußen ist Freiheit: This version is totally different to the original What I find interesting is that Koukol actually opens the door so that Sarah can get out, which actually makes sense rather than her randomly being able to exit her house in the original version. But the real interesting thing is that Sarah in this version really seems to be annoyed with Alfred. It is so obvious that she wants to get away from him here.

Die roten Stiefel: This time it’s not just red boots but also a red corset. This is...interesting, but ok. And here is the part where I don’t like the look of the new vampires. In the original version, we had this magnificent dream sequence with red curtains and dance pairs. Here it is a bunch of people in leather clothes, pretty reminiscent of the Finale II vampires, which makes it look more dangerous, I’ll give them that, but also less dream-like. But there IS actually a good, even a great addition! This version has a Dream!Chagal coming out to fight Dream!Krolock over Dream!Sarah, which ensues in a battle with the two figures pulling her back and forth. THIS is something I would legitimately like to see in the original version!

Das Gebet: This scene, however...I did not like. In the original version, we have this entire inn, everyone holding candles, a moon shining, the Count standing on the rooftop, Sarah getting all emotional at the front. This version, however, looks like they were thinking “Well...we can’t cut it, so we need to have it somehow.” Everyone is praying in the centre, with Sarah further back and the Count is not even in it.

Trauer um Chagal: What is quite amusing here is that Chagal doesn’t really look that worried when he finds out that his daughter ran off. It actually looks like he’s being like “Oh come on! Seriously? Alright, let’s get her back.” He even drinks a bit of Vodka instead of eating Garlic, like he’s saying “Oh boy, will I have a chat with my boss now.” What follows next is the animation of a long and dark staircase...uhm...whooooooooo...gruuuuuhuhuuuuselig! And then we have one of the most unintentionally funny scenes in the show. Remember how I said that they didn’t change the lyrics? Well, okay, so all of the action, therefore, happens in a single building here. So WHY ON EARTH WOULD THE VILLAGE PEOPLE STILL INSIST THAT WOLVES WERE THE CULPRITS??? Is this a thing in Transylvania? Is it normal to find WOLVES strolling around INSIDE the building? Come on, this is a direct insult to Abronsius’ intelligence here. Also, the vampires among the people really act out their diabolical nature here as they really smirk and smile at the dead Chagal. Then we have this other thing...Chagal seemingly serves Krolock here...so why would Krolock kill him if he wants to bring back his daughter? I mean, I guess he could have found a replacement...but oh well, I’m getting too deep into this. Next scene!

Tot zu sein ist komisch: This is where Magda’s dark side is shown. Why? Because she LAUGHS when she sees Chagal’s dead body. Wow, that woman must have REALLY hated him. I mean, understandably so, but JESUS! And she doesn’t really seem that terrified when she’s bitten. I guess her working for a vampire Count makes her mentally prepared for what is to come eventually. She uses a bible instead of a cross against Chagal. And then...the next best unintentionally funny scene happens. And to this day I STILL don’t know what the creative decision behind that was. Okay, so we have Abronsius and Alfred wanting to impale Chagal, which leads to the chase sequence...only here it is accompanied by disco party lights. WHAT was that for? XD WHY did they do that? XD It’s so hilarious XD “UUuuh, yeaaaah, da vamp’s in da houseeeee, yeessssss!” 

Durch die Wildnis zum Schloss: Right, cancel the “Wildnis” part, because nobody is going outside here. And again...”Bestimmt entdecken wir durch ihn das Schloss von diesem Grafen!” YOU ARE IN THE CASTLE, FOR GOD’S SAKE! Jesus Christ, they really should have changed the lyrics because this makes them look like absolute idiots now XD And then the travel sequence comes. I don’t know why, but I had a desire to burst out laughing during this. It shows empty rooms that clearly belong in a mental asylum (SO WHAT IS IT NOW, A HOTEL OR AN ASYLUM??? MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SHOW!) The funny thing is that it has a slow-motion sequence of a black figure running into the distance. I don’t know why, but this really made me laugh so much XD

Vor dem Schloss: Or in this case “In an older part of the castle”. We obviously get the vampires in the audience. They just don’t seem as creepy because of their leather clothes. Then Krolock comes in, wearing a shiny grey suit. Krolock and the amazing shining grey suit! XD Actually, I do admit that this scene is pretty well done. Krolock clearly is annoyed by Abronsius and CONSTANTLY stares at Alfred. When they have their moment together at the end, Krolock grabs his shoulders and stares him right into the soul. Overall, the contact between Krolock and Alfred is done much better here than in the original version, so props to them for this one. But again...please change the script occasionally. Königsberg is no longer the name of the city Abronsius comes from. It’s Kaliningrad now. Yeah... And Herbert...wow, Herbert looks great XD He has this purple suit and long open hair, which make him look like Legolas visiting a gay bar. And then we finally get to see Krolock’s shadow! Hooraaay! He walks up the stairs before the curtain comes down, stretches out his arms, and a giant shadow comes up, opening all of the castle windows. That was quite neat as well. Also, I love how he gets a short moment where he opens Abronsius’ back, sees what’s inside it and nods like he’s saying “I have work to do.”

So, overall, Act 1 wasn’t bad but it wasn’t that overwhelmingly great either. I will see you all in Act 2 which will follow soon enough :D

#Tanz der Vampire #St. Gallen #Musical #Review #Spoilers! #Holy moly #That is long

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds - s01e02 Compulsion - review.

Episode 02 – Compulsion

Here we go again.

So last episode ended with a cliffhanger of a closeup of Mandy’s expressive eyes just as he was about to be shot by a creepy stutterer. Let’s see how this develops.

Ha, they just reviewed everything that was relevant last episode just like I did in my head. Love this.

Mandy look behind you!!!!

Wow, I’m sorry, I know it’s awful of me, but I’m honestly impatient and can’t wait to hear this guy talk … ugh. I mean, I feel bad for him, it’s probably beyond frustrating to try and get out a sentence and for people to understand what you meant to say. Poor thing. But why resort to killing?

How the fuck can Gideon know why the guy stuttered?

Wow, Gideon, you little bitch! Why the fuck won’t you just tell Elle why the footpath killer stuttered?

Check. Check in three moves. What? So let me get this straight, Gideon is smarter than Reid in chess? Impossible!

Think outside the box. Hmm.

Hello, JJ. You’re cute. I’m gonna keep my eye on you, sweetie. I love her.

Conference!

Fires. Oh god. This is gonna be hard on me. I hate burns.

Wait, why are those morons documenting the fire? Did they even have camera phones in 2005? Wow. I was out of it.

Ok, sweetie, if it smells like gas you have to get out of there. Ok? Just, get out!

Ooh, extensive intro clip this time. Yay!!!! I love my superhero team so much.

Einstein: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world.” Wow, that’s deep.

And oh my goodness Shemar’s fingers working that keyboard should not turn me on that much.

We’re going to Arizona, we’re going back college … oh boy. Should be interesting.

“Try not to look official.” Elle, Morgan and Hotch are in suits, how the fuck is that not official enough? Com eon, the most undercover kid there is Reid. I just laughed myself silly over here.

“Try to look less official.” Oh I love this writing team.

Black woman in charge of a college in Arizona. So much respect here, love it.

Pyromania. New word. I get it, I just never encountered it before.

Comparing people to chess pieces. Nice.

Aww Morgan is walking through the unsub’s paces again. I love it so much. He’s so expressive and relatable. I’m in love, honestly. I don’t care he’s well above 40 now.

OK Elle just described Reid as a potential arsonist, hahaha so not funny…. You can’t say for sure arsonists are psychos.

Aww Gideon is my hero for evacuating everyone. I love him so much.

They just set a professor on fire. What? Why would they do that? (my dad is in the profession, kind of personal here)

Run, Shemar, run!

Yay, time for FBI-style paparazzi

What? He knows how the guy did it? Why the hell would he come up to her like that?

Get off from fire? Ugh.

Yay, time for exploring the green screen that’s supposed to be the scene!!!! Like I said, I love this part.

Ok, lighting a lighter shouldn’t be hot, but when Shemar does it, it is, and it’s not fair.

Lighting fire, bed wetting and cruelty to animals is a triad of a profile of an arsonist? Ugh.

Haha Gideon showing his FBI ID to the campus patrol. Funny. Also, it creeps me out whenever they describe the guy’s situation and they’re not expecting it.

Wait, they expect Reid to talk in front of people? Wow. It’s not a good idea, honey.

What the hell are those chemists huffing? They’re all weird as hell.

Lol. Reid is nodding about everything the nerd is saying.

Karon? The devil is doing this for Karon? What the fuck is Karon?

“You know how in Star Trek when Captain Kirk asks McCoy to do something impossible and McCoy is all like, I’m a doctor not a miracle-worker?” “What are you telling me? Not to expect a miracle?” “No, I’m saying I’m not a doctor.”

Ok, please stop flirting and fuck already so I can stop being frustrated, I’m talking to you – Penelope and Derek! Stop it!

“How about we just change the first question to have you been recently dating a homicidal pyromaniac?” ha, I don’t think that’s the best course of action, babe.

“You sound like Reid.” Like that’s a bad thing?

Three Body Problem. Again with that. Hmmm.

HA! “You broke up with her. No necklace.” “Yeah, wanted to date someone else.” “What’s her  name?” “Bryan.” “Oh.”

Whoops. So it’s a God thing now? Just cuz the guy’s ex told him that homosexuality is wrong? Wow. That was fast. But good thinking, there, Jason.

“If I figure it out, does that earn me a night of passionate lovemaking?” “Most definitely, sweetness. With Reid.” What the fuck did the poor guy do to him? LOL I’m dying here.

Oh, so now they got their Hebrew right? Weird. Guess they got hell for it last time. Hahaha haron, wrath, most commonly referred to as the wrath of God in the Bible.

Morgan giving Reid a football and he’s like ‘I don’t want this’. God, I want to die with his cuteness.

Ooh. Reid going all beautiful mind on the case. Love it.

Three!!!! Important numerology!!!! Yay!!!!

Scrupulosity. Wow, I’m learning a whole new slew of crap from this show. Lovely.

Wow, this chick’s apartment is all kinds of crazy crap. ‘OCD? I’m thinking more like OMG.’ Hahaha love it

“Step on a crack, break your mother’s back.” What the fuck kind of superstition is that?

And Morgan’s voice just went full on gangster, that was hot.

Wow. That girl is straight up cuckoo.

Please someone stop her. Trapping three friends in an elevator and going to burn them is seriously messed up and it’s not going to end well. Someone do something.

Bam. Gideon and Hotchner save the day motherfuckers!

Ooh! Elle figured out the stutter. Nice. Oh come on, seriously? She thinks Gideon didn’t really know why the guy stuttered? Wait, she was right? Hold up. This doesn’t make sense at all.

Hey! Don’t cock that gun at Gideon! Oh, he’s toying with him. That’s seriously messed up. Oh damn. Fudge. That’s some messed up reverse-psychology right there.

Faulkner: “Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or your predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”

And we’re back to Reid playing chess with Gideon. Let’s see how this unfolds. Lol, and he still loses. Let’s hope he gets better cuz this is just getting embarrassing, man.

Overall, love it, but the fires are a bit much for me, personally. Let’s hope the next episode is better.

#criminal minds #s01e02 #compulsion #mandy patinkin\ #thomas gibson #shemar moore #lola glaudini #aj cook #matthew gray gubler #kirsten vangsness

[deusmodum]

RULES.  Repost, do not reblog !  Tag 10 !  Good  luck ! Tagged by: @fatherofmachine​ Tagging: if you’d like to do this, go for it.

BASICS.

FULL  NAME : Samantha Groves. ( do not. ) / Root. NICKNAME/S : Cuckoo's Nest, Superpowered Nutball, CocoaPuffs, Nutter Butter, Nutella, Banana Nut Crunch, Princess, Eeyore AGE :  24-39, default around 35 BIRTHDAY : May 27th 1978 ETHNIC  GROUP :  Caucasian / white. NATIONALITY :  American. LANGUAGE/S : English, French, Japanese, Morse Code, American Sign Language SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  Prefers femininity. ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :   Prefers femininity. RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  Verse dependent. Usually dating Sameen Shaw and/or The Machine. CLASS :  Middle Class. HOME TOWN / AREA :  Bishop, Texas CURRENT  HOME :   New York City, United States. PROFESSION : Hacker, Assassin, Analog Interface. ( Verse Dependent )

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Dark Brown. Strands of grey at her forehead in later verses. EYES : Brown; wide NOSE :  Unusually long, slightly point FACE : Rounded, grows more angular as she ages; develops laugh lines and stress lines between her eyebrows LIPS : Thin, fuller lower lip COMPLEXION : Very pale. BLEMISHES :  Fairly free of blemishes, slight dusting of freckles. SCARS : Various scars littering her body from her time before and after working for the machine. Most notably three or four bullet wounds and grazes across her shoulder, a deep gouged scar behind her right ear where a cochlear implant is also attached, ( and for post-season five ) two large bullet hole scars from a through and through of a sniper bullet in her lower stomach and back, and a large trauma surgery scar from her belly button to her chest. TATTOOS :  None. PIERCINGS:  None. HEIGHT :  5 ft 8 in ( 172 cm ). WEIGHT : unknown. BUILD : Very gangly / lanky. Can look ungraceful and awkward at times. FEATURES :  Above. ALLERGIES :  Unknown. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE : Wavy and shoulder length. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  

Tends to have a slight smirk more often than not. Blank faces usually mean her lips are parted and slightly showing her upper teeth. USUAL  CLOTHING : Skinny jeans, leather jackets, and various dark colors. Mostly blacks and reds.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR/S :  Severe phobia of needles and sedation, thunderstorms make her jumpy, and she has a moderate phobia of mental hospitals, and being locked away.  ASPIRATION/S : Freedom of information and The Machine, to be able to keep those she cares about safe, eventually protecting humanity by way of finding a way to care about the individual person even though she despises humanity as a whole. POSITIVE  TRAITS :   Confident in her talents however dangerous they may be to others; extremely high intellect; loyal and faithful to those she believes in; protective to a fault of those she cares about; can grapple and understand difficult concepts and tasks with ease; passionate and assertive NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Can be hypocritical when it comes to her actions and beliefs; extremely stubborn; doesn't value her own life and will often use it as a bargaining tool; paranoid; appears to have delusions of grandeur or heightened self-importance ( e.g., her chosen name ); impulsive ZODIAC :  Gemini. TEMPERAMENT : Prone to extreme emotions, especially rage. SOUL  TYPE / S : I.. suppose I’d say Artisan. ANIMALS : Cats and foxes. VICE  HABIT/S : Not caring about herself as much as she should. FAITH : Polytheistic with a focus on Artifical Super Intelligences as higher beings, rather than the higher beings of myth / legend GHOSTS ? :  Doesn’t believe. AFTERLIFE ? : Doesn’t believe. REINCARNATION ? : Doesn’t care. ALIENS ? :  Yes. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  ..honestly, she doesn’t care.  ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : again, doesn’t care. SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION :  again. EDUCATION  LEVEL : high school, never attended college. ( certain verses. )

FAMILY.

FATHER : Unknown. MOTHER : Unnamed mother. SIBLINGS : Only child. EXTENDED  FAMILY : Unknown. NAME  MEANING/S : “root is the user name or account that by default has access to all commands and files on a Linux or other Unix-like operating system. It is also referred to as the root account, root user and the superuser.” HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :  … ?? ( leaving foa’s answer bc same. )

FAVOURITES.

DEITY : The Machine. MONTH : October. SEASON : Winter, fuck aches and pains. ( tho, really, she hates them so much. ) PLACE :  The subway, as much as she was adverse to it in the beginning. The low hum of electricity and computer fans ( PS3s really ) helps her sleep. WEATHER :  Cool, but not freezing. SOUND : The sound of disjointed voices filtering through a cochlear implant. SCENT/S : New leather, gunpowder, sharp scents. TASTE/S :  Likes a mix of bitter and sweet, like a really dark roast coffee with caramel and vanilla. FEEL/S :  That overheated feeling you get when sitting in a stifling room with a bunch of electronics running at once. She absolutely loves it. ANIMAL/S :  Cats and foxes. NUMBER :  050313 COLOUR :  Neon blue.

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  Video games, marksmanship, hand to hand combat, high tolerance for pain, social engineering, hacking and writing viruses ( all sorts, though i believe her specialty would be worms and honey pots ), counter surveillance, and manipulating. BAD  AT :  Empathy, valuing human life, seeing the good in others. TURN  ONS :  intelligence, gentle ( almost a whisper ) touching, hair tugging, showing that they care rather than telling, going out of their way to make sure she’s safe, smiles. TURN  OFFS : Ignorance, bigotry, treating others like objects. HOBBIES : enjoys playing video games n her downtime; likes a variety of different types of indie music; though not a collector, she does have various types of laptop computers and wiring strewn about; played the piano when she was younger and enjoys watching others play now; drives a black 2013 yamaha yzf-r6 TROPES :  There are SO MANY. ( i don’t necessarily agree with some of them, but there they are. ) AESTHETIC  TAGS :   glitching and flickering computer screens; system fonts; faded neon blue; a mess of wires and machinery; blood stained clothes and skin; grinning with blood smeared over lips and teeth; hard edges and angles; rain pattering on glass

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC/S : Amy Acker ALT  FC/S :  N/A OLDER  FC/S :  Amy Acker. YOUNGER  FC/S :  Alicia Vikander. VOICE  CLAIM/S : Amy Acker. ( Here is a link if you’re curious. This is also one of my favorite speeches of hers. )

#▸⟨ sɪɴᴄᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇʟᴇᴠᴀɴᴛ ⟩◂ ‹ ooc › #long post for ts

[julia-iguess]

1-134😏

This could be fun or extremely sad1: Name: julia fogel2: Age: 193: 3 Fears: rejection, death, crabs 🦀 4: 3 things I love: music, my ukulele, my friends and family5: 4 turns on: um, idk i never pay attention 6: 4 turns off: still idk7: My best friend: i got a few8: Sexual orientation: idk prob pan at this point9: My best first date: lmao i literally don't remember 10: How tall am I: like 5'4" i wanna say11: What do I miss: happiness12: What time were I born: 10:02 pm13: Favorite color: black/ pastel yellow14: Do I have a crush:15: Favorite quote:"i just had a change of heart" -the 1975 (i know it's a song lyric but like still a quote)16: Favorite place: i got a few of those too. one the highway, anywhere my friends are, the beach17: Favorite food: sushi18: Do I use sarcasm: HA is that a joke?19: What am I listening to right now: the reeling- passion pit20: First thing I notice in new person: their personality21: Shoe size: 7 1/2 to 822: Eye color: brown23: Hair color: also brown24: Favorite style of clothing: anything i'm comfortable in tbh25: Ever done a prank call?: not that i can remember 27: Meaning behind my URL: idk one day i just came up with it28: Favorite movie: guardians of the galaxy29: Favorite song: so many idk30: Favorite band: the 197531: How I feel right now: neutral32: Someone I love: my mom33: My current relationship status: single34: My relationship with my parents: mom is rlly good, i don't speak to my sperm donor, and my step dad is rad35: Favorite holiday: halloween 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: piercings: ears, nose, belly button tattoos: one on my arm of planets37: Tattoos and piercing i want: tattoos: literally all of them piercings: after what i have prob more on my ear, and maybe nipples idk38: The reason I joined Tumblr: i was told to39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: nope40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: all the time41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: nope42: When did I last hold hands?: two weeks ago43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: like 10 minutes44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?: no45: Where am I right now?: in my kitchen46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: my mom bc i'm a baby47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: always loud af48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: my mom and step* dad49: Am I excited for anything?: a baseball game in august50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: yessss51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: all day erryday52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: last night 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: it depends lmao54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: yesssss55: What is something I disliked about today?: i didn't get to eat until after work56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? mozart57: What do I think about most?: something music related58: What’s my strangest talent?: i give rlly good massages, like to the point that the person is so relaxed they fall asleep59: Do I have any strange phobias?: crabs lmao60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: depends61: What was the last lie I told?: yeah i'm good don't worry about me62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: yes and yes 64: Do I believe in magic?: kinda65: Do I believe in luck?: hell yes66: What's the weather like right now?: hot af67: What was the last book I've read?: one flew over the cuckoos nest68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: yes69: Do I have any nicknames?: ju, juju, sissy, jay, bookworm 70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?: i broke my toe. other than that spraining my ankle 71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: there's pink on my shorts74: Favorite animal?: turtle/ meerkat75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: sleepin76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: fogel😈77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: anything by sia 78: How can you win my heart?: buy me things79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: i wasn't ready80: What is my favorite word?: fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: idek 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: fuck her right in the pussy, idk😂😂😂83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: not rn but a few of them have been 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: invisibility 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: ah there's a lot of those86: What is my current desktop picture?: a pic of the ocean87: Had sex?: yup88: Bought condoms?: no89: Gotten pregnant?: thank god no90: Failed a class?: so many91: Kissed a boy?: yes92: Kissed a girl?: yes93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: not yet94: Had job?: yup95: Left the house without my wallet?: yes96: Bullied someone on the internet?: not that i can remember 97: Had sex in public?: no98: Played on a sports team?: nope99: Smoked weed?: once100: Did drugs?: if you consider weed a drug then yes once101: Smoked cigarettes?: no102: Drank alcohol?: yes103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: nope104: Been overweight?: i am rn105: Been underweight?: no106: Been to a wedding?: yes107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: yup108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: yup109: Been outside my home country?: yes110: Gotten my heart broken?: yes111: Been to a professional sports game?: not yet but i will in august112: Broken a bone?: yeah113: Cut myself?: yes114: Been to prom?: yeah115: Been in airplane?: yes many116: Fly by helicopter?: no117: What concerts have I been to?: austin mahone, one direction, jason derulo118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: yeah119: Learned another language?: kinda120: Wore make up?: erryday121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: yeah122: Had oral sex?: yeah123: Dyed my hair?: yes124: Voted in a presidential election?: yes125: Rode in an ambulance?: no126: Had a surgery?: yes127: Met someone famous?: not that i remember 128: Stalked someone on a social network?: yup 129: Peed outside?: yeah130: Been fishing?: yeah131: Helped with charity?: i think 132: Been rejected by a crush?: yeah133: Broken a mirror?: yeah134: What do I want for birthday?: a big booty hoe

[theretroperspective-blog]

Let It B

Ah, the B-movie. It had been a source of entertainment for many a stood-up date or theater talk-back participant about as long as the genre has existed. But what IS a B-movie? We've all seen 'em ( and know almost instantly when we have), but what makes a film "B"? What does a movie need in order to be "B"? And what of the iconic B actor? Who chooses to have a career that, in its basest form, means 'sub-par'? B-ACK STORY B-movies (the term) first came about during Hollywood's Golden Age. The name was for movies meant for distribution as the less-publicized, bottom-half of a double feature. In the later '20's (27-28), during the final days of the silent era, the production cost of feature films from major studios averaged between $190'000 to $275'000. During the time when bigger budgeted films weren't being made, studios still had to pay for sound stages, actors they had on retainer, and hired crew. These studios would make low-budget (i.e. lower quality) flicks in order to make extra cash as well as continue to use their people (mostly to keep them from fleeing to other studios), and would sell these lower films alongside their major productions. In laymens' terms, a B-movie is much like the B-side of an album. (For my youngun's, albums are what music USED to come on. Questions at the bottom, please.) Basically these smaller, cheaper flicks got put into theaters to cover run times between bigger pictures. This then led to micro-budgeted studios creating their own B-movies to sell to the studios at cost (usually producing them at around $30'000 and recouping cost plus). All of this comes about, again, due to the end of the silent era. During that time films were preceded by live acts and a variety of short films and news reels. Once sound became law, those were mostly dropped, and in came cartoons and serials, which were followed by a double feature, the first being the B-film, mainly to draw more money from the viewer. But the major studios soon caught on, developing B-units to produce those less expensive films on-site, nearly killing the indie studios (until the indie-wave of the 70's, but that's another blog). With this came the game of BLOCK BOOKING; or, to get access to a studios' more profitable features, theaters would HAVE to also buy their B-movie in a double-feature set. Along with this insidious scheme came BLIND BOOKING, where theaters would have to take the B-movie sight-unseen. In this way studios were assured a good profit on the lower-grade flick, no matter how awful it might be. The innocent years of Hollywood folks! However, many B-movies were serials, with an actor continuing to play the same character in each, such as the 'Andy Hardy' films staring Mickey Rooney. MOVING ON While the original meaning of the term B-movie ended with the double-feature production ceasing in the 50's, the term is still used for films that don't quite meet A-level criteria. "B-movie" now brings connotations of lower-quality films - which isn't ALWAYS true... To quote Wiki: "In it's current usage, the term has somewhat contradictory connotations; it may signal an opinion that a certain movie is (a) a genre film with minimal artistic ambitions ("Sharknado"), or (b) a lively, energetic film uninhibited by the constraints imposed on more expensive projects and unburdened by the conventions of putatively 'serious' independent film ("Turbo Kid"). Or, in more basic terms: A B-movie is a low-budget commercial film that's NOT art house. The term is now also used for high-budgeted flicks with exploitation-style content (such as much of Tarantino's work). But much good has come from the B-movie genre! Some high profile directors like Jonathan Demme began with B-movies. And it's where many A-level actors got their starts. Recent Oscar winner Leonardo DiCaprio got his start in "Critters 3". "June Bug" star Amy Adams got through in "Cruel Intentions 2". And Charlize Theron didn't even have a line in "Children of the Corn 3 : Urban Harvest". And one of the more well known is Jennifer Aniston's turn in the cult classic (and where's my blog on those?) "Leprechaun". And neat-o, there's my segway! BACTORS Both John Wayne and Jack Nicholsen got their start in B-movies, too. As well as our former president Ronald Reagan, who was a B-movie star before he ran our country. But there are MANY actors who are known simply for their B-movie work alone. Here's a list of them (in no order other than as I remember them). PJ SOLES: I know her from the 1979 "Rock 'n' Roll Highschool", about a young girl who idolized one of the world's greatest bands, the Ramones; but she also played the tomboy menace Norma in "Carrie", and doomed-to-die friend Lynda in "Halloween". CRISPIN GLOVER: He became a Hollywood staple, and Lorraine's 'density' in "Back to the Future" as George McFly, and recently was the Red Knave in Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland", but Glover got his start way back in 81 in a TV movie called "Best of Times", and as the star of the cult hit "Willard". MEG FOSTER: She was a woman looking for love - round 2 - in "The Step Father 2", and played 'Holly' in "They Live" alongside Rowdy Piper, but is most recognized portraying Evil-Lyn in the live-action He-Man movie, "Masters of the Universe". CLINT HOWARD: The brother of director Ron Howard, Clint began as a child actor, but has continued with films like "The Ice-Scream Man", "The Fun House Massacre", and "Nobody Gets Out Alive". TOM SAVINI: Tom was originally a SFX creator for "Friday the 13th", but he's also had quite the acting career in films like "Creep Show 2", "From Dusk 'till Dawn", and "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". BRAD DOURIF: He's now a part of the "Lord of the Rings" legacy since playing Wormtongue in "The Two Towers", but he's always been well known by voice, if not face, as Chuckey in every single "Child's Play" film in the franchise. He also stared alongside Jack Nicholsen in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". MICHAEL IRONSIDE: Most recently he portrayed the zealot Zeus in the fantastic "Turbo Kid", but Ironside's been working since the 70's, including "Scanners", "The Hitchhiker", and a personal favorite, the TV show "Sea Quest". CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT: The one and only true 'Highlander', Lambert's also known for playing Lord Rayden in the live-action version of "Mortal Kombat". CLANCY BROWN: I first spotted him in "Highlander" as well, playing psychopath Victor Kruger, but Brown's gone on to have a formidable career on-screen as well as with voice work, playing Lex Luthor in the animated "Superman" series. But I also knew him as Drew's step-dad Gus from "Pet Semetary 2". BRUCE CAMPBELL: Probably the most recognized B-movie actor of all time, Campbell started in the "Evil Dead" series, and has continued being our hero in shows like "Burn Notice" and "Ash VS. the Evil Dead". This might be where I'd say "All hail the king, baby!", but you get what I'm saying. Moving on. BUT THEY'RE A TO US 'We all have different opinions' blah-blah, 'they're like assholes' yadda-yadda. But there have been B-movies that have, through that grand test of time, been elevated to A-level status by their fans. Usually they're referred to as 'Cult Classics', but we all know we'd watch them in leu of some of the newer, block-busting behemoths of today, given the choice. Maybe it's because of previously stated stars, maybe it's the special effects, or maybe they're just so off the beaten path that we just can't help but fall in love with their weirdness. So here are some of the best - no real order, and nowhere close to the total list. THE EVIL DEAD SERIES There's lots of arguments over whether the original film "Evil Dead" should be included, but Sam Rami's occult trilogy is deeply beloved. From the supreme low-budget gore to Bruce Campbell's chin, this series holds one of the highest Rotten Tomatoes scores on the site, even beating out it's recent remake. Eat it, Dead-its! IRON SKY What IS it with Nazi's?? Why do we like watching them die so damn much? Think it was the genocide? Pretty sure it was the genocide. What-ever, this film's premise is enough. Nazi's waiting on the dark side of the moon to launch a final attack on Earth. Wow. I'm pretty certain I know THAT'S how the funding came through. DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS I don't know a film fan that hasn't seen this movie. Its premise is its title. It's a bed. It eats people. SHARKNADO There's FOUR of these fucking movies. No wait, FIVE. I don't get it, but it hit a large enough portion of viewers. Welcome back, Tara Reid. THE BLOB Classic (in general and actual terms) B-movie fare. A gigantic blob that consumes everything in its way. First appearing in the 50's with a young Steve McQueen, it got remade in the 80's and is supposedly being remade again. ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES So, mutant tomatoes decide to start eating us. Vegetarians in the 70's were shaking in their faux suede shoes, I'm sure. BASKET CASE Oh man, do I love this one. A man is born with a homicidal deformed Siamese twin that gets detached via surgery, so the two brothers decide to go after those that separated them. And the deformed one gets carried around in a basket. GET IT?!?! POULTRYGEIST:NIGHT OF THE CHICKEN DEAD Full disclosure - I know one of the SFX guys who worked on this Troma feature. Just look for the talking shit sandwich. BEASTMASTER A guy who can talk to animals goes after a power hungry war lord who sacrifices children. And man-bats. TROLL 2 The best- worst movie ever made. But sadly, no trolls. Just goblins. Please go check some of these films out. PLEASE. You're just hating yourself if you don't. So B-movies live on, as they should. Because we all need to be reminded of what a mediocre world we really live in.

#b-movies #film #education #fun.