#i picked these dudes on random. what a coincidence

[hoshinokaabi-secretsanta]

It's officially one week until sign-ups close! Everyone's preparing for the big event, but it still seems a bit empty around here, doesn't it? You ought not to be late, like our dream friends are!

Check out our masterpost for information, rules, and more here!

#kirby #waddle doo #bouncy #bonkers #chilly #bio spark #bronto burt #scarfy #whispy woods #i just realized how many b names there are #i picked these dudes on random. what a coincidence #promo art #by mod panda

[mrrharper]

A Real Jock's Supposed To Be Dumb

Mike had a problem. And that problem was Tyler Grant.

Tyler Grant and Mike were both juniors studying finance. Mike was, according to the commonly used way of stereotyping people in college, a nerd. He studied, read books and academic papers, didn't posses good social skills. A nerd.

Tyler Grant was a college athlete, a wide receiver on their university's football team. and at a first glance he was very much a typical jock. He was muscular, his clothes always made that clear. He was popular with everyone, a bit cocky. Everyone knew that type.

But this wasn't the whole picture. For a football jock Tyler had surprisingly good grades. He spent at least some of his free time studying for exams and projects, he was active during classes, and he made an effort to get to know everyone who was present in the lecture hall alongside him.

And that meant Mike was... not frequently, but consistently approached by Tyler. The athlete usually exchanged a few words with him whenever the two bumped into each other.

And Mike was infuriated by this.

Because of course Tyler wasn't doing this because he was a genuinely nice person.

For sure he was doing this out of pity.

He probably laughed all day about Mike, that sad little nerd.

And all that pretending, which was definitely what Tyler was doing, made Mike fuckin' annoyed.

One day Mike was walking through downtown and he stumbled upon a thrift store. Lead by an impulsive thought he walked in and moved through countless racks and shelves. Then he saw it. A random golden chain, similar to the ones jocks like Tyler wore on a daily basis. Again driven by a strange impulse Mike picked it up.

"When you wear it, your word will be reality" A voice, belonging to some older man, whispered into Mike's ear. He quickly turned around but saw no one standing next to him. His eves went back to the chain. He had to have it.

So he bought it. What happened next was pure magic. The golden chain, when hanging form his neck, allowed Mike to alter reality. Which was insane. The chain's power was limited, but clearly visible and Mike was amazed.

He knew what he wanted to do with that power.

A week later Mike had to do a project for a class. The project required working in pairs and, what a coincidence, Tyler was sitting close to him and suggested they work together. Mike put on a fake slime, deep down sure that this was some new plot to make fun of him.

The next day they met in the university library to work on the project. As Tyler looked through some data on his laptop, Mike made sure the chain was under on his neck, hidden by his t-shirt and hoodie.

"You will treat everything I say as normal" Mike said. Nothing changed, Tyler just nodded after hearing these word and continued working. Mike smirked. Perfect.

"You will start behaving like a real jock. No more talking to me out of pity and then laughing at me behind my back. Be a real jock bro."

"Yeah, bruh" Tyler muttered to himself. His position shifted, his upper body more relaxed on the chair, his legs spread out. He swiftly removed his hoodie, revealing a white tank top.

"And let's not kid ourselves, deep down you know you are a dumb idiot. A jock like you will always end up with a brain that can only understand football plays." Mike grinned. He felt real good saying those words. Getting rid of academic competition, putting Tyler where he belonged.

"you callin' me a dumbass, fuckin' nerd?" Tyler stopped typing on his laptop. He looked at Mike, a dumb, cocky grin now clearly visible on his face. Moke could now see the arrogant dominance in his eyes.

"Yes, and you won't do anything about it, because you listen to everything I say, you dumb jock." Mike said straight into Tyler's face. The jock chuckled dumbly and flexed his arm. He put his hand on the bulging muscles and squeezed them.

"duuuuuh, dude" he drawled "wha' were we doin' even bruh? muh brain foggy dude..." he looked at his still opened laptop. "shit, nerd, what is that fuckin' nonsence!"

"I'll take care of that" Mike said as he closed Tyler's laptop. "You have other things to care about."

"fuck yeah i do, nerd!" Tyler barked at him. "Gotta get these guns pumped bruuuuh!" He flexed his arms again and laughed out loud, attracting attention of other people in the library.

"Okay, my jock, we gotta get you out of here" Mike stood up and waited for Tyler to do the same.

"oh fuck, nerd, we gotta get out of this fuckin' nerd central, am i right huhuhuhuhuh" He chuckled loudly as they left the library, Mike's hand on Tyler's biceps. After they were outside Tyler stopped for a moment, got his phone out and took a photo of himself flexing his arm.

"gotta keep the chicks on insta hot n' bothered, nerd" Mike smirked as he heard that. Oh yeah, his plan was going great.

#jock #jock tf #football jock #personality change

[traegorn]

Hey-o! Tis the season for people to talk about how the holidays were "actually pagan" and I'm on the hunt for sources about how that's really not the case, if you have any you'd recommend!

Okay, so the problem is there are so many weird "Christmas is stolen!" bullshit memes going around, it's so hard to just give you a comprehensive list of sources. Christmas celebrations have evolved as the religion has spread, and different things come from different times...

The key here is to go for academic sources. This is a question of history, and a well supported historical research is going to tell you whether they're operating from primary, secondary or tertiary sources.

So while I can't give you a simple list, let me give you a couple of examples off the top of my head and give you tips on how to investigate any the dumb claims that get passed around.

Christmas being in December: So a lot of people go for the "Christmas is in December so it can steal from [INSERT SOLSTICE CELBRATION]" is ahistorical... because we know exactly why Christmas is in December. Because the guys who made the decision argued with each other and left behind written documentation. The two big names you need to look up are  Clement of Alexandria (who pitched January 6th) and Hippolytus of Rome (who proposed December 25th). This is around the turn of the third century, and you can find both of their writings. Some folks have questioned the authenticity of some of Hippolytus of Rome's writings, but Clement of Alexandria's seem well supported. These were internal arguments about when the birth of Christ took place within the early church, and when they settled on late December. There are reasons for this, and you can read their arguments (it largely has to do with the importance of when Jesus was conceived -- they wanted that to be an important date and then added nine months to it). Importantly though, because linear time is a thing, this means Christmas was set in December before the Christianization of the Germanic and Norse tribes... so anyone who says Christmas was set to December to correspond with Yule doesn't understand the concept of "coincidences."

The Christmas Tree: The Christmas tree was invented in 16th century Germany. That's... that's just written down all over the place. Now, there are legends about Martin Luther being the first who did it -- but I'm pretty certain that's just an embellishment that got added on. There are preceding traditions where part of an evergreen was brought into the home as a part of solstice traditions (though some will claim the Egyptians did this? Which is wild -- likely misinterpreting their use of palm fronds as the same thing), but the act of taking a whole ass tree, cutting it down, putting it in your house, and decorating it? That's 16th century Germany all the way. You can rabbit hole so many sources on that one, but honestly just pick apart the citations on the Wikipedia page. Putting a branch in your house and dragging a whole tree in are very different acts.

Jesus's story is copied from [INSERT RANDOM GOD]: There are so many of these, and some are just downright disrespectful to major world religions (the Krishna version of the meme especially). The answer is... just see if what the meme is saying about the god is supported by the mythology. Like I've seen ones that says Dionysus was "born of a virgin." If you know anything about the Greek gods, you're probably already laughing on the floor. Horus gets dragged into this too, because Gerald Massey was trying to pull a "White Goddess but with Dudes." But any serious research on Horus will tell you the supposed parallels aren't supported by the mythology.

So sorry, this wasn't so much sources you can use as it is how to look for them to begin with. Because there's just so, so much. This isn't even covering cases of syncretism, where pre-existing cultural traditions got continued post-Christianization. Because it's almost always the case that if a pre-Christian practice endured post Christianization, it's because people decided to keep doing it -- not because the church was trying to "steal" it. The latter means there was some mustache twirling plan behind it, when the former means (usually) the church went "Well, they're paying their tithes and saying it's for Jesus, so who gives a shit?"

I'm just going to finish this off with linking to my podcast episode on this, along with Ocean Keltoi's great Yule video on the topic. Hopefully that helps.

#witch #witchcraft #witchblr #yule #christmas #christmas tree #pagan

[lorcandidlucienwill]

Lorcan and Elide's relationship: A summary

Lorcan: jeez that bitch smells funny she must be a monster in disguise *decides to follow her for days* Elide: Dude I'm just trying to get to my queen I'm a normal human being leave me alone pls. *ilken show up* Lorcan: Oh dear what's the point of stalking her if she dies now? Let me kill those ilken for you. Run girl. Elide: *runs* Lorcan: Damn this bitch slow af. *ilken split up and catch Lorcan and Elide separately* Lorcan: *kills ilken* Elide: *tricks ilken* Lorcan: Jeez wtf she survived? Smartass. She must be a monster. Elide: I'm literally not. I'm escaping Morath Lorcan: Whatever, let's go. *scoops Elide up like a sack of potatoes and runs* *once they're safe* Lorcan: Yooooo you came from Morath? I'll protect you and in exchange you tell me everything about the place. Elide: Deal. Later on... Elide: So let's sneak into that tavern in disguise. Follow my lead. Lorcan: ...fine *overhear a carnival group discussing how to get across the plains* Elide: So you're my husband now. Lorcan: Are you crazy, woman? Do I look like a male who can be tied down? Elide: To me, yes. Lorcan: ...Yes ma'am. Elide: Hey circus babes! Do you have any availabilities? My husband here is an expert sword-thrower and I'm an oracle. Circus troupe: What a coincidence! A sword-thrower is exactly what we need! Lorcan: 👁️👄👁️ later on... Elide: Actually fuck you I don't want to tell you shit. Lorcan: ... *washes her clothes, draws her a bath, brings her dinner* Elide: My uncle locked me in the dungeon in Morath and abused me in Perranth long before. Lorcan: *cracks knuckles* Somebody has a death wish *repeatedly saves Elide from ilken* Lorcan: Not my wife you dicks! Later on... Elide: *picks up his axe and starts wielding it like a badass* Lorcan: 😍 Later on... Lorcan: *shields Elide from the might of Aelin, Dorian, and Rowan's magic* Elide: Damn, my queen and her court are terrifying. Lorcan is just my smol teddy bear. Lorcan: I aM nOt I aM lItTeRaLlY dEaTh HiMsElF- *proceeds to put a tiny shield over Elide to keep ash from clumping in her hair* Elide: Uh huh. *Gavriel and Fenrys try to kill Lorcan and Elide jumps in between* Lorcan: I'm going to kill BOTH of you assholes. Gavriel: Let me heal the girl at least. Lorcan: ...fine. Elide: NO- Lorcan: I wanted to go to Perranth with you. *random army approaches them* Lorcan: DUDE WTF WE JUST ESCAPED 500 ILKEN I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT *tries to help Elide escape* *turns out Aelin had called for that army but she was too stupid to tell anybody and it was too late because Lorcan had instinctively called for his queen* Elide: I choose you, Lorcan. *Aelin gets kidnapped by Lorcan's queen* Elide: ...nvm *proceeds to destroy Lorcan's will to live over the next few months* Lorcan: I'M SORRY ELIDE! I SWEAR! Elide: Actually die, monster. Lorcan: *about to die* Elide: ExCuse me, he's MY emotional support monster. *proceeds to save him in a legendary scene* Lorcan: I LOVE YOU ELIDE! Elide: *quietly* I love you too. Lorcan: WHAT WAS THAT? Elide: I SAID I LOVE YOU LORCAN SALVATERRE *fade to black sex* Later on... Lorcan: Ask me to marry you. Elide: Will you marry me? Lorcan: I'll think about it. Elide: *doubles over laughing* Lorcan: What? Elide: Is it truly worth it to become Lord Lorcan Lochan? Lorcan: I will marry you, Elide Lochan. And proudly call myself Lord Lorcan Lochan, even when the whole kingdom laughs to hear it. And when we are wed, I will bind my life to yours, so we will never know a day apart. Never be alone, ever again.

#lorcan salvaterre #elide lochan #lord lorcan lochan #elorcan #elorcan trash #lorcan stan #lady of perranth #lord of perranth

[lmk-aus-galore]

Season 4 Specials spoilers

I find it incredibly odd that Nezha doesn’t question MK’s presence at all? Like

Nezha to Tang: Monk, the scroll, have you repaired it?

He obviously knows something about the original pilgrims since he recognizes Tang as Tang Sanzang. He knows Mei is Ao Lie’s descendant because of the Samadhi Fire so there’s that, but then, there’s one random boy with the powers of the monkey king and he just glosses over him?

Like he probably thinks that the pilgrims and Mei coming together is a coincidence or some great plan the Heavens have for them, but MK is just one random dude that Wukong picked as his successor.

Nezha doesn’t question why, Why does Wukong have a successor? Why does this random mortal have Wukong’s Powers? Why did Wukong choose a random delivery boy as a successor? Surely not because it fits the because the pilgrims and Ao Lie’s descendant came together?

And Nezha KNOWS Wukong, as much as the two have some sort of rivalry, Nezha shows that he still very much cares and knows Wukong on a deeper level than just ‘Sun Wukong, bringer of chaos! The guy who reached to far into the sun’

Nezha: I’ve known Sun Wukong a long time, he’s not the loner he pretends to be. He seems important to you, so I can only assume you’re equally as important to him.

The fact that he knows Wukong to a certain degree means he knows that there’s literally no reason for Wukong to even give someone his powers. Sure Wukong is careless but he knows better than to give his powers to someone random. Especially someone who doesn’t seem to be any special than being a delivery boy.

So here’s a small theory I have, that maybe Nezha knows what MK is?

I mean he knows the Pilgrims obviously and Wukong already explained Mei, so maybe he knows what MK is?

And I’m basing it off of @imminent-danger-came’s Eldritch MK theory, but what if Wukong wasn’t the only one called to subdue MK?

What if Nezha was also there to help, or at the very least also had some kind of connection with dropping MK off to Pigsy.

Since Nezha obviously recognizes Tang as a monk, he could have had a hand on dropping MK off at Pigsy’s since he’s aware of the Pilgrims’ identity.

what ifs in that situation:

If Wukong didn’t know about MK, then probably Nezha was the one who dropped MK off at Pigsy’s and Wukong just felt a surge around MK that gave him a sense of familiarity. Idk why Nezha would be at MK’s birthplace alone, but he could’ve known where to drop of MK so that he doesn’t cause trouble like Wukong, and who better than the Pilgrims that allowed Wukong to change his ways?

If Wukong knew about MK’s existence then Nezha would have had a hand on where to drop him off, Wukong believes the Pilgrims are dead, but I really doubt that he’d spend centuries looking for their reincarnates. Nezha who somehow knows Tang as Sanzang, would have had a hand and suggested to drop MK off to the Pilgrims’ next lives.

Anyways that’s just a small mini theory I have, since I don’t really see Nezha questioning MK’s existence and questioning Wukong about MK.

#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk sun wukong #lmk monkey king #monkie kid #mk lmk #lmk mk #lmk qi xiaotian #lmk nezha

[iovesia]

WIRES PULLING AS YOU'RE BREATHING.

❥⠀masterlist. ⠀:⠀ ( keanu reeves masterlist. )

synopsis : what it would be like to date evil ted logan.

warnings: toxic relationship. mentions of death & murder. brief nsfw. lowkey robot kink. lying. manhandling. slight fluff.

pairings : evil!ted logan  𝒙  gender neutral!reader.

josie's note .⁺ ˖ ⌒ this is so random, but icl.. evil ted has me acting up 🤭 ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes it's like 3am as i'm writing these oops. quick reminder, your media consumption is your own responsibility, read the warnings and enjoy! — reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated !! ♡

⠀

⠀

HOW YOU FIRST START DATING / "MEET"﹕

You two definitely started dating after Evil Ted killed his doppelgängers (or technically the original Ted).

Ted hadn't been answering the phone, so you decided to wait at his apartment. Picking at your nails, you waited anxiously for him to walk through the door. So when Evil Ted had come back to Ted's apartment to find you sitting there, it was pure coincidence.

You looked so relieved to see what you thought was Ted, that when you wrapped your arms around him, you ignored the quiet humming of an engine from Evil Ted's chest— thinking it was just your imagination.

However, a few days pass by and you slowly began to notice something off about Ted. His stiff movements, his new and unusual cruel tendencies, and you swore one time you saw one of his eyes popping out his skull.

Finally the day came when you confronted him about it.

"Ted, you've been.. acting weird lately. I don't know what happened, but something's changed," you murmur, cringing as you watch him grossly down another Twinkie down his throat. "Ted" stifled a chuckle as looked over to Evil Bill who was tampering with items on the shelf.

"Dude, she's dumber than you!" Evil Bill sniggers under his breath, and an equally condescending laugh escapes Teds lips. You glanced between the two giggling friends, before letting out a scoff.

"Screw this, I'm not doing this anymore," you stand up from the couch, hooking your bag over your shoulder. Suddenly, a strong grip pulls you back. You turn and see Ted's hand wrapped tightly around your wrist. "Ted, let go!" You huff, trying to your hardest to pull your arm back. But, his unhuman strength kept you firmly planted in your spot.

"No can do, babe," Ted grins. That mechanic, sinister smile on his face, along with the blank, darkened look in his eyes was enough to set off the red flags in your head.

It's safe to say you passed out once Evil Ted revealed his true identity to you (by ripping his stomach flesh open, exposing the set of wires and spinning cogs).

WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE ONCE YOU START "DATING"﹕

After the reveal, you're pretty much stuck with him. Now that Evil Ted had you, he intended on keeping you around for a while. Plus, there's no way he could convince De Nomolos to make an evil clone of you, so he'll stick with what he's got.

Somewhat possessive. Although he's a robot and doesn't technically feel things, he can't stop the cogs rapidly spinning in his chest when he sees you getting friendly with someone else.

"Beat it, loser," Evil Ted abruptly appears from behind you, interrupting your conversation. He drapes his arm around your neck, roughly pulling you closer against his metallic chest.

Will lie to you about almost anything. Like.. literally even about things that there's no need to lie about. He'll tell you it's gonna rain a lot later today, just to see you stand in the California heat looking ridiculous in a raincoat and boots. You roll your eyes as he just snickers under his breath.

Being a robot, he basically has super strength and tends you man-handle you quite a lot. He'll drag you towards him, pick you up over his shoulder or when he's feeling a little nice, he'll give you a piggy-back ride.

Lowkey a horn-dog. He loves touching you; the feel of your soft, warm skin against his cold, metal hands almost makes him feel alive. (Random side-note, he loves when you tug his hair.)

He doesn't get jealous, except it is of a certain, air-headed lookalike. Sometimes, he'd catch you looking at old photos of you and the original Ted, and that's when it really starts to click that, even with the same looks and dumb sense of humour, he'd never be better than the original.

It's with moments like those, where he tries to act a little nicer with you.

"You're looking most excellent today, babe," Evil Ted grins, as he takes a comfortably close seat next to you on the couch.

Even though he's programmed to be pure evil, and do evil deeds; he still has his soft moments. I mean, he's a copy of Ted, who is was the sweetest person you knew. Sometimes, when you're already deep in your slumber, he'll inch closer to you and wrap an arm around your waist.

Over the duration of your relationship, he does eventually grow to genuinely care about you (rather than just keeping you around just to spite original Ted).

⠀

#ted logan x reader #evil ted logan x reader #ted logan imagine #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #evil ted logan

[cookii-moon]

Guys focus on the important questions

OK OK so new trailer. No Cole, Jay, or Zane this time, people are freaking out about the Krux and Lilly lookin guys, but I'm here to ask.

WHO ARE THESE GUYS

I mean the obvious answer is that they're just the generic villain faction with little to no importance or depth BUT they look cool and I wanna know what they are OK like where did they come from the little skrunklies.

ALSO while all the mechs are doing their race thing there's just this guy cruising along at the back

Just some random neon futuristic cyclops chilling and just for that frame I love them already like look at them they're so silly

I feel like this guy is just some oni or dragon or smthn. Like... the purple markings... that or some newly introduced species. Or they'll pull a Benthomaar and just never explain it. Also I find it hilarious how we already have Cole using hammers and stuff and then this random guy comes in and not only flexes on him by actually appearing in the trailer but then one ups him by whipping out a massive warhammer with more gold abd over the top accents like dang bro he's not even HERE. (I'm sorry)

Honestly I just saved this for personal use if I end up drawing Sora. Also give them cat claws for weapons. I don't really have any particular reason except for it'd make for awesome action scenes and be thematically fiting.

Okay everyone is focusing on "Oh it looks like Lilly" but are we gonna talk about the puzzle dice thing the magician dude is holding. That looks like something plot relevant.

Okay so this kinda looks like the realm of madness what with the grundle (they're called smthn I CAN'T REMEMBER IT craglings??? ) looking guys, the purple mist, the atmosphere... which If so is awesome because that place kind of just vanished after season 1. That, or it could be the spirit cove, what with.. yknow.. the dragons... or it's some random other realm that will never be seen again. That too.

Also, I will say, seems like a pretty odd choice to have two random ice dragons in Cloud Kingdom.

Honestly I'm going to point out that these ice dragons and the big dragon at the end of the trailer have the exact same color scheme - especially on the wings - as Zane and Cole's dragon forms, respectfully. (But I will also point out that both ice dragons have this color scheme so I'm like 99% sure that's just a coincidence and they just wanted to give them cool gold accents.)

I WILL say, this is probably the most excited I've been for a Ninjago season ever since Master of the Mountain 👀 and to those worrying about Cole, Jay and Zane - Cole and Jay are in the first trailer, don't worry about it. It'll make more sense when the season comes out, I'm willing to bet that the new characters are going to take the lead and the Ninja are gonna have side plots.

Also personally I don't think that's Lilly - or at the very least, not the Lilly we know - primarily because I don't really see why they'd bring her back over literally anybody else, since out of all our dead characters she never really was intended to have any sort of story or arc, she had her story a long time ago when she was a ninja. She already did her thing. Her role is entirely in the marks she left on the world. If they were gonna do something with a Ninja's parent I don't think she'd be the go to pick. But that's just me.

It'd be interesting if she WAS, because that'd mean another Cole arc which YES PLEASE, but I don't think it's likely.

I'm not gonna touch up on the krux guy because it'd make a lot of sense but like why hide his face with nothing more than a tiny visor if you're gonna make some sort of reveal. I mean if it is Krux then this is the guy who disguised himself as Dr. Saunders but now he can't even fathom changing his hair style. I feel like if it is krux then the whole thing is a red herring to get the community talking when really we'll just be told "Oh yeah that's krux" when the episodes come out, or it'll turn out to be a completely different guy.

Okay Byeee

#ninjago #ninjago united #ninjago trailer #ninjago sora #So... #On a side note #The trailer looks gorgeous #Props to wildbrain #Also can we stop talking about wildbrain when it comes to the newer seasons being “bad” #Like it's not their fault D: #They don't have much to do with the writing #They're just animating the show #And you gotta admit it looks great #I dunno it's a personal pet peeve of mine #Genuinely curious where this is going #The trailers are doing a good job of keeping things vague I will say #MIGHT!! Do some sora art?? #If I have the motivation #Cookie’s thoughts

[noahtally-famous]

happy halloween to all who acknowledge it! 🎃

enjoy this random halloween drabble? oneshot? I thought up two days ago lmao since I didn't have enough time to plan out the other shawnpher halloween idea

_______________________________________

potential title: in my defense, you scared me; a shawnpher halloween au

"Happy week of Halloween, wonderful viewers, tuning into my brand new video, hosted by the one and only amazing me, myself, and I!" Topher gestures at himself, turning the phone down so that his viewers can get a full look at his dazzling autumn outfit. "For a treat--or a trick--your one and only Tophman will be going into--" he turns around so that the looming corn maze is in perfect view of the camera. "This! Totally haunted, scary as fuck, maze filled with spooktacular frights that this guy is not going to fall for at all! Pretty swell idea, right?"

Stopping the recording and covering the camera with one hand, he leans to the side and hisses, "this is the worst idea ever."

"You wanted something spooky and cool for your Halloween video," Scarlett replies without looking up from her phone. "This is as spooky and cool as all the Halloween lovers can get."

"But I'm not a Halloween lover," Topher whines. "That maze is, like, ginormous. I could get lost in it! My perfect face can't get lost!"

Scarlett rolls her eyes. "You're the one who agreed to it. Seriously," she casts Topher's phone a disdainful look, "is there anything you won't do for your damn vlog?"

Then, as though she said something truly earth-shattering, she strides toward the maze's entrance where several other people are converged.

Topher aims his famous puppy-eyes to the third person of their little group.

Beardo makes a sympathetic wamp wamp noise before shrugging and ambling after Scarlett.

"Come on, man!" Topher calls. Is his puppy-eyes getting old? Impossible!

Hurrying over to them, he huffs. "Rodney would have had my back one-hundred percent if he were here."

"Which he's not. What a coincidence," Scarlett retorts dryly from the front.

Topher gasps. "What is that supposed to mean?!" He turns to Beardo. "Scarlett's done something to Rods!"

"Fucks sake, no--god, I meant he wouldn't be caught dead hanging around one of these scare-traps."

"Rods wouldn't leave me hanging like that, Brainiac. Something's gotta have happened to him. Did you hire a hitman or someone? My man just won't ditch me during my time of need. Scarlett!"

He's too busy wallowing the extremely important chance of him dying via publicity backlash after getting scared on camera by some crazy guy in a costume that he misses the exasperated look his friends send each other.

"It's just an hour, Prissy, don't get your hair in a knot," Scarlett grumbles. "And you dragged me for this too, so you better not flake."

Because Scarlett can be fucking terrifying when she's glaring like that behind her glasses, and Topher doesn't feel like getting his innards pulled out, he says resignedly, "Yes ma'am."

Dealing with jumpscares in a fucking corn maze while on camera is enough stress.

She gives him another one of her glares-from-hell before turning back to her phone. "Ella wishes you good luck, by the way," she says, poking at the screen--probably typing a hasty response back to the only person she ever replies quickly to: her girlfriend. "Says something about you doing fine and shit." She scoffs.

Beardo snickers.

"Dude!" Topher says, betrayed. That's the second time tonight! Man, he wants Rodney here so badly. He just knows the big guy would have his back.

"Sorry, Toph," Beardo mumbles sheepishly.

Easy for him to say. He's just in it to get quality footage for his and Ella's duo-videostream; he can walk away with a paycheck because apparently some fancy smancy producers like their videos enough to promote them.

Topher really wishes he was famous.

They assemble in front of the maze as the sky grows dark and a chill picks up in the air. Surprisingly, there are a hell lot of people, jostling for room; kids ribbing each other, couples already snuggled up or making out, even people videoing their experience like they're doing. Topher scoffs, watching them from the corner of one eye; their etiquette is so wrong, how do they even have subscribers?

"Why would anyone want to unironically do this shitshow in the first place?" he mutters, pulling his thin fleece-jacket tighter around him.

"For fun?" Beardo offers helpfully.

"Thanks, man. This is totally the classic definition of the word fun."

"Topher," Scarlett says, "what have we talked about the world not revolving around you?"

"That it's bullshit?"

Scarlett rolls her eyes so hard he's impressed she doesn't get a headache. Before she can respond, there's an announcement counting down the seconds before they're free to enter the maze, alongside the usual warnings of there being scary ghouls and flesh-eating monsters ready for tasty victims. The shiver that runs down Topher's back is fully due to the breeze, nothing more.

"Aaaand...three...two...one...scram!" the gravelly voice laughs sinisterly as everyone dashes into the maze. "May the best survive this Halloween night!" Paired with a cliche organ sound effect that Beardo can totally do better.

This whole thing is such a scam, why is he even doing this?

Oh yeah, for the views.

After three or four turns, he starts to hear the screams. He's clutching Beardo's arm before he can think about it. His solace is that Beardo did the same, squeezing him to his chest, his video camera bumping uncomfortably against Topher's spine.

"Simple scare effects, and people being scared of superficial ambushes by people in costumes," Scarlett scoffs, hardly flinching. She gives the two boys an unimpressed look. "Come on, or do you want to hang around here when it really gets dark?"

That gets them scrambling away from one another and hurrying after her.

Several feet later, they reach a crossroads--diverging into three parts. Which Topher thinks is convenient considering there are three of them.

"Split up?" Beardo asks nervously, his voice hardly a whisper.

Scarlett nods decisively. "Seems like it. No objections?"

Topher has plenty of objections, but he doesn't want to seem like the scardey-cat of the bunch; not when his friends are up to the idea. Plus he does need footage for his video.

When no one says anything, Scarlett nods. "Splendid, meet you at the other side." She takes the path to the far left, muttering as she does, "thank goodness Max isn't here, he would have lost his mind and his bowels."

Beardo pats him heavily on the shoulder--like that is supposed to be reassuring!--and takes the one on the far right, leaving Topher with the path at the center.

The dark, winding foresty center-path that...was it that dark five seconds ago? And were the trees really that tall?

Okay, deep breaths, Toph. It's just a silly maze, surrounded by a bunch of silly people in scary costumes ready to give you a heart attack. None of it is actually real so get your head screwed on and do it for the 'gram!

He fumbles for his phone, switching it on to recording as he creeps to the start of the path. Videoing himself helps; it emphasizes the idea that nothing else matters except for him and the screen. No creep can jumpscare him into public humiliation when he's in full record-mode.

"Here we are, amazingly beautiful yous. The dreaded dangerous path of the maze I must take alone. Will I survive? You bet I will! God won't kill off a face this perfect and an ass this gorgeous so soon--" a crunch of leaves "--what was that? I mean, that is nothing I can't handle! Leaves? Pfft! What can a bunch of leaves do to, holy fucking shit!"

He's turning the corner when a large shape leaps at him from behind a particularly large tree.

(Okay, so the shape wasn't really large--actually it was a tad shorter than Topher himself, and more so on the leaner side.)

But when Topher takes one look at the thing's masked face, covered in distorted scratches and horrifying renditions of flesh ripped off its face, all rational thought flies out the window. Scarlett's words of the jumpscarers being people in costumes? No recollection. Especially when something long and silver glints in the sky as the figure raises its arm.

Topher screams, all high-pitched and utterly terrified, flailing and stumbling back. His phone flips out of his hand and he curses himself for it because there's a fucking maniac in front of him about to slash him to ribbons. All he can think is not the face!

Like a godsend, a coherent thought hits him, and he puts to use the few self-defense classes his parents had forced him to take due to being related to popular photogenic people.

One leg kicks out, connecting with something.

The figure goes down with a yell that's drowned by Topher still screaming his head off. Dropping to his knees, he gropes the leaf-strewn ground until--aha!--his hand closes on the familiar shape of his phone.

Adrenaline is the only explanation for how he manages to turn the flashlight setting and shine the light on whoever the fuck had accosted him.

"What. The. Fuck?!" is all that comes out of his mouth.

The guy--because for fuck's sake, obviously, it wasn't a creature from the dead, it was an ordinary guy dressed as one--lay sprawled on the ground, clutching his groin.

Huh, guess those self-defense classes Topher barely listened to did pay off--always go for the face or the groin. The only takeaway he got from the experience.

"Dude!" groans the guy who literally jumpscared him, and he's acting like Topher did something wrong! "What kind of a reaction is that?"

"Um, hello?!" All the fear melts into annoyance. "You're the one who thought leaping at me with a--what the fuck is that thing on your hand?"

"A hook!" The guy displays it--in other words waving it around with too little care to be healthy. Topher leans away from it. "It's a prop! Haven't you been jumpscared before, man?"

Not by lunatics who stay too in character, Topher thinks mutinously, because that dumb reaction was filmed and thank god, this isn't a live stream or he would never have heard the end of it...

Fuck.

"Fuck! My video!"

"What?" asks the guy confusedly, still groaning on the ground and clutching his groin. "I almost got incapacitated in a way I never expected to, and you're worried about your video?"

Topher hardly hears him. He swipes at his screen, brushing aside the dirt and leaves, relieved that the screen isn't cracked, and, yes!, the video was intact too. He hates refilming stuff--and he sure as hell wasn't planning on stepping foot here a second time.

"Okay, everything's safe, we can hold the fire! Now..." he focuses back on the guy who should literally be filed for criminal assault after this fiasco. "What were you saying?"

The guy stares. "I was giving you shit for braining my privates, but I guess your video or whatever was more important than my bits?"

Something about 'braining my privates' sounds off, but Topher had gone through a traumatic event, he isn't about to start analyzing grammar. That's Scarlett's job.

Speaking of Scarlett...

"Dude. Dude, dude, dude, chill the heck out," Topher interrupts whatever tirade the other guy is in the middle of. Ignoring his affronted look, Topher sighs. "Okay fine, sorry or whatever, even though it should be me you should be apologizing to--"

"Me? Apologize to you? That's like a zombie asking politely for some brains!"

Oookay...talk about weird.

But unfortunately, Topher needs this guy. He isn't going to spend another second alone in this blasted maze. Not with his nerves so frayed. Plus he deserves an escort after all this shit.

"Cool, great, awesome, uh, zombie-boy." He holds a hand out. "Now are you willing to listen to me?"

The other guy frowns at him. He shrugs and accepts the hand. His fingers are bigger than Tophers, and rough and calloused--probably from doing this goddamn job and scaring shit out of poor innocents.

Topher hoists him up harder than intended. Yeah, he's got a bit of pettiness in him, but can you blame him?

The guy groans, stumbling a bit, his legs joining together at the knees as he winces. "Damn, for a typical streamer, you sure kick hard."

Wow, this guy is seriously gunning for worst conversationalist ever.

Being the bigger person, Topher doesn't deem that with a response for all of five seconds. Then, to satisfy the itch, while picking at his nails, he corrects, "vlogger, actually. And I'm a very popular one, might I add. You should check out my videos, you'd learn a thing or two. Or several."

The guy blinks, adjusts his beanie. "Uh, what the hell are you talking about?"

Standing next to him, Topher sees that he is right in his initial assumption that the guy is shorter than him. He's got maybe an inch. His off-blue beanie is ruffled with leaves and grime and tilted to one side, exposing wayward brown hair; his face still has that absurd makeup on but some of it has rubbed off from the kerfuffle that Topher can spot a faint scruff and startling hazel-green eyes peering at him through the flesh-ripped artistic rendition. His costume looks generic--vest, sweater, jeans, boots--save for the strategically painted rips and tears and blood on them. When he shifts, his hair nudges the back of his neck, stuck to it with sweat and dirt.

Topher has to admit, scares and annoyances aside, he can acknowledge a solid makeup job. And this guy definitely has it.

Also those eyes. Totally photogenic. His heart beats a little faster--probably still from the adrenaline.

"Hey? Are you listening to me? What're you staring at?" the other guy grumbles, shooting him a suspicious side-eye.

Topher wills his face not to burn. Come on, it's not his fault if a photogenic feature catches his eye--he's been scared to half-death, for gods sake, let him salvage a little familiarity!

"Trying to guess a name to that grime-infested face," he retorts instead.

"Infested?" asks the other guy, wide-eyed.

"Your face, idiot. It's covered in dirt."

The other guy touches a hand to his face as though just realizing it. Topher pointedly clears his throat. The air has turned chillier, he wants to go home and park his ass in front of the fireplace.

“Oh.” The guy looks up. “Shawn.”

Shawn. Finally.

“Topher.”

They don’t shake hands, just eye each other warily.

“Say Shawn,” says Topher conversationally. “How about as compensation for nearly killing me, you get me out of this place?”

“You’re kidding,” Shawn shakes his head incredulously. “You’re the one who kicked me in the nuts. If anyone deserves compensation for anything, it’s me!”

“You’re the one who’s such a shit scarer.”

“You’re the weirdo whose first reaction is to kick someone!”

“Right, I’m the weirdo here.” Topher eyes him skeptically.

“Uh, duh, clearly. You were scared, dude, admit it.”

“Not a chance.”

On cue, a series of maniacal laughter and screams ring the air. Topher jolts.

“Yep, not scared,” snickers Shawn.

Topher flips him off.

But Shawn’s on a roll. “I get that you were scared of my getup—hook-handed ghouls are the perfect type of scare—but those screams? They weren’t even on our path. Damn you do scare easily.”

“Oh, is that what you’re supposed to be?” Topher shoots back. “I was thinking a zombie given how dumb you look—like a pile of rags.”

“A zombie?” Shawn’s eyes open wide. “You’re kidding me, man! The only time I’d willingly pretend to be the undead is when they destroy the world and humanity in it.”

Of course that’s what Shawn fixates on in Topher’s response. And he’s not even going to think about how Shawn had said when. Makes sense that a guy like him is also obsessed with something that’s only in the movies—not that Topher watches those kinds of stuff; thinking about the apocalypse leads him down a troublesome path of lack of hair care products, facial scrubs, and cameras. Talk about drab!

“You’re super mega weird, dude,” he tells him.

Shawn gestures around them, encompassing their entire situation. “No offense, dude, but my concerns are justified. I’m not the guy freaked out by people in costumes.”

For fucks sake.

Honestly, being the stubborn shit he is, Topher could’ve gone on for hours, but at that moment, the light from his phone screen catches his eye and he remembers that he’s still recording. What will his viewers think of him arguing with one of the staff members when they expected a spooky Halloween video?

“Okay whatever, you’re this super stoic guy that Halloween can’t come near to, that’s awesome. Now can you fucking get me out of this maze?”

“Dude, I can’t just leave my job and go with you—“

“Man, you could’ve killed me. I’m pretty sure you’ll be doing those people a favor.”

Shawn frowns, opening his mouth to say something that Topher knows is not a yes Topher I would love to and Topher really doesn’t want to deal with that.

Bribery. People like bribes, right? What can he give in return—something Shawn won’t be able to resist.

“I’ll get you apple cider?” He offers. The only autumn-themed drink he can think of that this place will sell.

Shawn’s expression doesn’t change and Topher resigns himself to a solitary trek in the maze filled with more jumpscares. He tries not to look too disappointed—plays it up for the camera—and rubs his arms as he goes to turn back the way he came when Shawn speaks up.

“That’s the wrong way.”

Topher scowls, turns to face him. “Well the expert isn’t being much help here. Guess I’m gonna have to wither away and die here surrounded by cornstalks. My viewers will hunt you down, mark my words.”

Shawn rolls his eyes, mutters “jeez you’re so dramatic” which Topher is about to take great offense to, if not for what Shawn says next.

“Fried dough too.”

Topher pauses, bewildered. “What?”

“Apple cider and fried dough. This place has the best ones. You should try one too, my recommendation.”

And, well, this is really one of the most absurd situations Topher has ever been in.

But as long as it means getting the hell out of here, he’ll pay for anything Shawn wants. He’ll even give him a shoutout and cameo in his video.

“Fine. Once we’re out, apple cider and fried dough are on me.”

Halfway turned again, he sees Shawn squinting at him.

Oh, what now?

“Are you sure this isn’t a date or something?”

Topher chokes, the cold air burning down his esophagus as he wheezes. Shawn, the bastard, doesn’t even move to help despite being the cause of Topher’s current predicament; only watches in puzzled suspicion.

“What? No of course it’s not! Why are you even—that’s ridiculous—I mean—I don’t—you can’t just say that in front of the camera—“

God, his face feels so red, he sounds deranged. Is he suffering from a stroke?

He should definitely edit this part out.

Shawn watches him for a second longer before nodding. “Cool. ‘Cause all the secrecy was giving me the wrong impression. Kind of an odd first date, eh? That’s what Jasmine would say if she were here.”

Wait.

What?

What is even happening right now?

And then, as though everything isn’t confusing enough, Topher thinks, is this a date?

Does he want it to be one?

Hell no! Not with zombie boy and his mismatched clothes, his shitty scare tactics, his absurdly detailed makeup, his apish social skills, and his stupidly photogenic eyes.

Never. Of course not.

Then why was he stuttering and stumbling around like a baby foal? Topher is never out of control, no matter what the circumstance. He’s had to reject countless admirers before. Why is this any different?

Is it the adrenaline? It’s got to be the adrenaline. There’s no way he’s having a…crush. On someone so...opposite.

He’s overthinking this. Shawn was just messing around, and Topher’s reading way too much into it.

"This is not a date," he hisses at the blinking red light on his phone. Just in case his viewers aren't aware.

Amidst his dilemma, Shawn pushes aside a branch that’s in the way of the opposite direction Topher had been going, calling over his shoulder, "I'll protect you from the big bad ghouls hanging around,” he flashes his hook, “but if there are any zombies you’re on your own, man.”

Okay, yeah, no.

That's fucking it.

This guy.

Topher has no idea if he's serious or not; ribbing around or being sincere; either way, if none of the other creepies in the maze kill them first, he'll kill Shawn himself.

Once he gets out of this maze.

And, he supposes, once he gets Shawn that fried dough and cider.

Because there's no way Topher's going to ruin his public image thanks to some zombie-obsessed guy preaching shit about this entire ordeal.

Buy his silence or whatever.

#i might write a part two for this but idk lmaoo i feel like this is a silly thing i came up with and idek if it's that good hdjkhfk #and maaaybe i might post it on ao3 depending on if i write a second part or not #total drama #noahtally-famous #kit stuff #kit writes #td topher #td shawn #td scarlett #td beardo #shawnpher #shawn x topher #background scarella #td fanfic

[charliekellysbitch]

Ryan dunn x f!reader

A/N: im sorry you’re about to read this, its not too late to scroll away :) also I wrote this in a state of awe after I had a dream so idk if it even makes sense but we’re here now

Word count?: 1.6k lol

It was no secret that being a jackass meant more fights than the average person. People had some convoluted idea of what you guys were, thinking that they could come up and hit one of you, or slap you, hell someone even stabbed Knoxville once. Having those kind of fans show up on a night out can turn an already crazy night into a blood bath.

You and Pontius were the scrappers of the group, anytime someone tried to start something the two of you came to the rescue. For one, Chris is truly a wild boy when he fights, just headbutts and right hooks over and over til he looks like Carrie. And second, none of these “hard men” ever wanted to hit a girl, so you kinda had free reign on getting rid of those assholes. You can’t deny though, your favourite part of a fight night was Dunn playing nurse for you when you got back to the hotel room. Years of him getting into fights himself meant he knew his way around a first aid kit (as did all the boys) but he just made you feel safer after a fight. He was just so gentle and he would brush your hair behind your ear, and kiss the grazes on your knuckles, god the man knew exactly what to do to leave you craving more. But no, he’d always just patch you up and leave you alone in your hotel room with too much pent up energy.

You guys were on tour in some random city and you just wanted a chill night out with no craziness. But then again, you had a tendency to hope for nights like that which would never come.

“Y/N get your ass out here right now or else we will drag you to the bar in whatever state of undress you’re in”. Chris was giggling as he hammered on your hotel room door so hard you thought it was about to bust in.

“Yeah yeah yeah give me two seconds I’m just putting my shoes on”. Looking at yourself in the mirror one last time you’re once again in awe of how you can clean up so well. It was barely two hours ago that you were covered in blue paint and red feathers, (some bit that Knoxville came up with called the woodpecker) but now here you were, in a pink mini skirt and a black tank top that hugged your curves so well. And yeah sure, you picked the tank top that had cky bedazzled onto it, that was purely a coincidence and not because you wanted to draw Dunns eyes to your chest. You don’t need to resort to tactics like that….

Wolf whistles greet you once you leave the room and you do the obligatory twirl to show off your outfit. “Dude you look so fucking hot, you planning on bringing someone home tonight huh?” “Steveo I was planning on it being you but if your too busy” you say fake pouting until the Knoxville cackle breaks through the silence.

“Christ y/n don’t be flirting with the guys when your all dressed up like this, their brains will short circuit” he continues laughing as he leads the charge out of the hotel to a street full of bars.

Then there’s someone whispering in your ear, “Steveo was right though, you do look ridiculously hot”. Swallowing, you turn to look at Ryan, because who else could say the same thing as Steveo but make it so heated?? His eyes keep flicking down to the cky on your chest and you can’t help but feel a smirk appear on your face. “Like what you-“

“HEY Y/N, how the hell are you gonna fight in those shoes?”

If looks could kill Chris Pontius would be 6ft under already. “Chris babe, we’re not gonna get into a fight tonight, that goes for everyone here” you say pointing at all the men around you, “I want a nice night out where I can drink and flirt and look sexy. I don’t want to have to bail your asses out when you bite off more than you can chew. Okay?”

With a mocking salute from Steveo and Chris you push on into the first bar you see. “I’m serious guys, no fights”.

Now if there was a book entitled “Famous Last Words”, ‘I’m serious guys no fights’ would be the first goddamn entry.

You weren’t in the bar more than 45 minutes when a group of guys come up to the booth you were drinking in claiming it was theirs and that you had to move.

“Listen guys, we’re sorry we didn’t realise someone had ownership on this booth, we’ll move out of your way once we finish this”. Tremaine was always trying to be the peacekeeper, and you definitely would’ve moved sooner but Bam and Steveo had started some sort of arm wrestling bet and even god wouldn’t move them from their spot right now.

“I don’t give a shit what you pussies are doing, get the fuck out of our booth right now” the guy was practically growling his demands and his little entourage were cracking their knuckles as if that was to strike fear into your hearts. Normally, fists would be flying already but the guys had promised no fights and they were trying their hardest to stick to that.

“Look fellas, let the guys finish their arm wrestle and then we’ll get out of your hair, no harm no foul” you say trying to placate them. And it would’ve worked, you would’ve gotten a night free from violence if it weren’t for the next words that came out of that smooth brained bastards mouth. “Sweetheart there’s no way these guys are paying you enough to use your mouth for talking, so quit while your ahead, otherwise we can take you outback and show you what a good time really is, bet a slut like you would enjoy that.”

You barely had time to clench your fist before Chris was on him. That’s when the entourage jumped in and Bam was abandoning the previously vital arm wrestle in favour of elbow slamming into the guys from the table. You started to get a few hits in too. Then one of the guys grabbed you, clearly assuming that you wouldn’t be much of a fighter, and with your wrists held in his hands he was almost safe. Until you practically broke his nose with a headbutt and put your knee so far into his balls you’re convinced he’ll have heartburn when he wakes up the next day. That’s when you hear the sirens and from the filthy windows of the bar you see the hints of blue and red flashing lights “GUYS COPS QUICK GO” you scream trying to warn the rest of the guys to run. Ryan grabs your hand and drags you out, the guys all following behind but when you get outside you quickly realised that you’d have to split up.

Running for a while, and winding through backroads you and Ryan eventually come to a stop in the middle of some neighbourhood. It was completely silent, no sign of cops, or in fact of anyone awake at that hour. Still holding your hand the two of you start to stroll in the direction of nowhere in particular.

“You have blood on your face” Ryan says pointing at your forehead, “don’t get me wrong it’s a good look on you, the whole bad girl thing, but the thought of that dudes blood on you is super gross”. He’s right of course, it was gross, but all you were thinking about was him saying he liked the bad girl thing.

“Hmmm so you’re into me being the fighter of our little group?” smirking up at him when he starts laughing.

“I guess you could say that, but I like patching you up afterwards more” with that he takes your knuckles and kisses them. This wasn’t unusual but with all the adrenaline from the night you just can’t take it anymore, you grab his face and shove your lips against his. When he starts kissing back with as much desperation as you, you moan into his mouth.

So that’s how you ended up here, at the side of some random house in the middle of god knows where with your skirt hiked up around your waist and Ryan goddamn Dunn whispering things you couldn’t have dreamed up in your ear.

“You’re so fucking hot like this, whimpering for me out in the open” he’s kissing up your neck as he’s whispering all of this to you. You want to say something sexy and cheeky back but all you can manage is a pitiful “please”.

“Please what baby? Tell me what you want, use your words or I’ll leave you here high and dry”. You know he’s teasing, that he’s as turned on as you and won’t be able to leave you but the way his fingers are barely ghosting over your underwear is killing you

“Please Ryan please fuck me, I need you, I need you inside me right now”

And god the smile on his face when you say that could’ve melted you, “well since you asked so nicely”.

Your panties are pulled off and shoved in his pocket and he’s lifting you up to wrap your legs around your waist. “You ready baby?” He says as he lines himself up. And just as you’re about to get what you’ve been dreaming of for months, the lights on the house your pressed up against come on and some dude is is screaming out the window that he’s calling the cops on the two of you.

“FUCK SAKE” Ryan screams, letting you down and for the second time that night grabbing your hand and leading you away from the sirens getting closer.

#this is like paraphrasing of a dream I had #except in the dream it was 3 old ladies catching us in their garden #and screaming that they were going to call our grandparents #and lamenting about what the parish would think hahahahahaha #anyway pls ignore this is for the one anon that asked for it #you brought this on urself anon x #ryan dunn #Ryan dunn x reader #jackass

[danpuff-ao3]

What’s your favorite headcanon of Draco/Remus?

Ooooh!!!! Dremus, my beloved!! 😍

When chatting about the concept of Dremus a while back, I realized that this ship makes me feel like my IRL relationship. I see Draco being a bit bratty and using said brattiness to hide a lot of hurts. Then Remus having come through all his various traumas just this incredibly patient and steady and respectable person. I love just thinking of them in domestic bliss with Draco being a little brat and Remus just looking at him fondly. Remus can handle any tantrums with grace and let him pout and whine, but also not putting up with bullshit. And Remus providing this sense of safety and reliability but also comfort that Draco never really had and really clings to.

So idk there's just this sense I guess. Of people just being super confused and having 0 understanding. And Draco's family + friends being like "wtf dude." And Remus' people being like "are you okay? do you need help? blink twice if you need to be rescued." But they just smile because no one else understands but THEY know how special what they have is. And it doesn't matter much what other people think because THEY'RE so dang happy and content in what they share. They KNOW what they provide each other and they KNOW it's magic between them. (I might be projecting idk.)

But that's just this really big vibe so I feel I should give some more specific but random stuff 😂 Such as:

Draco roasting Remus' fashion sense but secretly wearing his cardigans when he's away.

Remus sweeping Draco up into a slow dance randomly because it makes Draco blush and giggle even if he fusses about it and/or mocks him, because Remus knows the truth and knows what it means to him. And Draco deserves to be ROMANCED, dang it!!

Cuddle time MUST happen EVERY DAY but Draco refuses to call it what it is. Draco Malfoy does not cuddle, thank you.

Draco weirdly gets all acts of service-y but pretends he's NOT. "Oh I made your tea just the way you like it? COINCIDENCE." "Oh I brought you your favorite biscuits? Well I was already snacking on them but don't want to finish them, so here you go." "I have nothing to say about the fact that I've brought you a blanket/slippers/etc. but I strongly discourage you making any sort of commentary about it."

Remus spoils Draco ROTTEN but like with affection. All the praise (words of affirmation) and cuddles (physical touch) and small cheap gifts he can afford and pick up that make him think of Draco. Or even just like....a flower he saw and picked for him. And it touches Draco more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. And he legitimately gets so mad about how soft he is for this man.

Okay I really need to write more Dremus clearly. Thank you for giving me the push to chat about them more!! 😄

#asked & answered #dremus #draco/remus

[an-atlas-or-other]

So I’ve seen a bunch of people annotating movies and stuff so I thought it’d be fun to do myself. Here we go, Battle of the Supersons (2022). I’m… worried.

Why does Krypton look like a green hellscape?

And why are we going through Superman’s origin story? I thought this was a supersons film

Oh that’s why

Does that mean Starro was the reason Krypton was destroyed in this universe?

Ooo comic book art

Martha and Johnathan Kent are dead?

Speaking of, they really can’t pick who lives and dies between them. I’ve seen versions where they’re both dead, where they both live, and in that old as balls Superman film I’m pretty sure they only killed John. The only combination I haven’t yet seen is one where only Martha dies

Jesus Christ Jon’s hair is so messy, it puts mine to shame

Oh here comes the theme of the movie

Why are they always out for video games, leave them alone

Not just of the year, Lois has won the Pulitzer??? Why didn’t they mention that instead

Okay so Jon clearly doesn’t have his powers yet

They’re on the farm? I thought they lived in the city?

COSPLAY LMAO

Yess hide the evidence boy

CLARK WHAT THE FUCK

His voice is so wrong and he looks so weird, everyone else has normal proportions and there he is using cartoon logic to have a Dorito shaped chest and a tiny ass head and legs

Father-son bonding, adorable

Oh nice shoes

Yeah he even looks weird as Superman also why is the ISS falling out of orbit

Nevermind it’s the Watchtower

Yeah let’s just ignore that that’s nothing like a debris entry hole (on that note, something jarringly similar happened with the Soyuz capsule on the real ISS a while ago and now like three astronauts are stranded there for another six months waiting for the replacement to get there, which is a weird coincidence)

Why does every version of Arrow look so different like seriously

I like his design though, he looks cool

Do they really announce who’s batting at baseball games? That’s so lame, no wonder he’s getting bullied

SWING MY GUY JUST SWING THE DAMN BAT

Clark’s packing some mad man-tit game

Dude where are you running to it’s your dad’s property for miles out

The boots pft

Jon’s so cute omg

Yes just let random people see your son flying with you in public Im sure that’s fine /sar

I would be going insane rn I would not be as elated as he is

Sideburns

Superboy’s taken? Does that mean Kon exists in this universe? Why isn’t Jon asking about him?

GOTHAM STINKS LMAO

Batman looks cool also Penguin has a ponytail and it doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would

The Cave looks awesome wow

Damian why are you so immature?

Rah’zz? RAH’ZZ??? THE OL’ RAH’ZZ’L DAHZ’LL?? NO it’s pronounced RAY’SH like from the Hebrew word resh do you really think the (most likely white, let’s be honest here) creators of the Al Ghuls knew about Arabic anything? They probably just went with Hebrew and said “eh, it’s close enough.”

Damian you’re so cruel

NURSING MY BAT-WOUNDS

Oh Cassie she’s so cute

The eye twitch

BAT COW

Small-town hick

So he did let him milk her (also its a bat-bucket with bat-milk- WAIT NO-)

Well at least South America exists in this universe

Batman and Superman look like mini figurines omg I want one

Nerrrrrrds with good grrrraaaaaaades

Ooo great burn Kent he really felt that one (I’m lying)

That’s mildly horrific

Well its better then that one fight scene in Batman v Robin which isn’t saying much but at least it’s average

Ooo long knife

He ded

Melvin don’t deserve shit

I love how scandalized Jon looks

Damian should have punched him

Starro’d Lois is kind of creepy

Should have done that earlier Einstein

Why does he know about STAR Labs? Actually his mom is Lois Lane nevermind

How’d he turn it if he can’t fly

Krypto?????

Well he can float now

Yeah, why did you come here?

Good boy

How’d their noses change so much between two generations

Why does Damian only talk in whispers it’s kind of weird

Jimmy is so cute 100/10

MONOLOGUES LMFAO

Oh he’s got his complete costume now

WHY WOULD YOU SEND THEM OFF WITHOUT TELLING THEM THAT SOME GRANDPAPS YOU ARE

That spaceship is so adorable why is everything so cute omg

Hacked? It’s your computer, you just looked it up (I bet he just said that to look cool)

Oh yeah Luthor’s the president for some reason I got it in my head that it was her father

Also his voice is so wrong again

“Nah you ticked me off you can die instead”

Awe Dami that’s sweet

She said bitch on live television

OH SURE SAY YOUR SON’S FULL NAME ON A NATIONAL ANNOUNCEMENT I BET THATS NOT GONNA COME BACK TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS

Poor Wally, ran straight into a wall

MMH looks awesome

I love how you can see the small differences in their fighting straight away

Awe Dami watching his friend’s back

Tall bat ears

That’s not how Kryptonite works but whatever at this point

I’m debating whether or not the writers even knew much about the comics to begin with at this point if they got something to basic wrong

That was an interesting editing choice

Also what happened to Alfred they didn’t even show if he got Hive Minded or what

Why does Damian’s hair stick up like that can he even put on the hood or is it just for decoration?

There’s a subtle but rather jarring change in how Mama Starro is animated and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one irked about it but still

Thats not how things fall out of orbit

Also the perspective makes the station look about the size of Argentina and how did no one notice this during production

Yas stab the president with the flag

There’s symbolism in there somewhere but I’m not bothered enough to dissect it

I would have written this “resigning to death” scene differently but it’s a kids movie so I’ll let it pass

I love how Batman’s face doesn’t change at all when he spoke to his own child (who almost fucking died)

Awesome but also nooo don’t bat it randomly into space throw it into the sun or something

How do all the adult men look so weird and then Bruce looks so… normal

OMG HIS HAIR IS COMBED BACK AND HES IN A SUIT THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS

Oh and now that Damian’s actually in full lighting you can see he’s been whitewashed (again)

At least it’s not as bad as Ian

That’s not how physics works but whatever

HAHAHA poor Jon

At least Damian’s got the perfect sort-of indestructible friend for him to bully

Overall, good movie. I enjoyed it thoroughly even if the story seemed a little off at times. Sometimes I wondered if the writers even knew much about the DC universe to begin with save for surface level knowledge. 7/10

#dc #batman #bruce wayne #superman #clark kent #kal el #damian wayne #dc robin #robin #superboy #jon kent #jonathan kent #battle of the super sons

[tranquilspot]

John: Open Pesterchum.

I don't have much to say about this page, except that it's well animated, the chat window is minimalist and the app design is realistic and nice.

I used to have Pesterchum installed on my computer, but I got bored.

There was (is?) an option that allowed you to encounter a random user. It was pretty neat but other than that I didn't know anyone so I ended up deleting it. I think they disabled that option too.

John: Open message.

Our first pesterlog, how exciting!

I mean I know by heart its content but regardless it is pretty cool. (sorry, I can't put the text both in indented and chat I had to pick one)

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 -- TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright. ————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I really like how the conversation keeps diverging and converging back together, it's funny ans realistic. Never saw that movie, I saw Beetle Juice though! Why is Dave so obsessed with the idea of having piss in his juice? I guess with the environment he lives in, he's gonna be wary of everything and anything. I think his room is Bro free. "why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like", the same reason I know what cat food tastes like: kid self-experiment. Though it could have been a mean prank or an accident, the piss one I mean. The cat food was on purpose. Tried recess grass too. Pretty meh. "try using your brain numbnuts" *chuckles* kids when they try to insult someone.

"his reaction was nigh instantaneous" acting is hard dude, especially when you're a kid. I can testify, I participated in my bro's short films. No I won't share them, those worms will stay in their can. "fred savage has a really punchable face" I have not enough info to give any opinion on the matter. I usually suck at identifying/knowing actors in my own country, but american ones? Forget about it man. By the way pretty pompous to call yourself "americans" like you owned the whole continent. Do I look like I call myself "european" on a daily basis? Starting now I'll call you "statians" or something like that. No hard feelings~

"but who cares about this lets stop talking about it" Homestuck if its characters stopped rambling.

*roll credits* (You guessed it, I don't recognize any of those names either xD)

"man i got two copies already" Dave is smart so I don't think he's talking about the server and client discs here, but rather his copy and his bro's. "but i dont care im not going to play it or anything" hmmm not sure if he genuinely doesn't care or if he's trying reeeal hard to play it cool and keep down he's looking for a chance to stick his nose in the Sburb session. Kinda hard to know for sure, 50/50.

"game bro is a joke and we both know it." I third that. "why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now" The boy, is on a quest. And ooooh man a long one since he won't acquire the other half of his mail before a long time. So this is my first post with a Pesterlog formating. Lemme know in the notes or via message what you think about it: Do you want me to keep this format, the whole pesterlog + quotes? Or only quotes + the page so you can follow on your own device the conversation in parallel. —>

#homestuck #act 1 #homestuck reread #reread blog #john egbert #dave strider #eb #tg #b movie #howie mandel #fred savage #self experiment #pesterlog #pesterlog formating

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 01x21

Salvation

“Was this show ever at risk of being cancelled in S1? I like the show but the backstory is a little frustrating” “They haven’t done the eye shutter click thing yet” “goddamn. Semantics.” “John has such a distracting personality. The boys always do research and stuff, but they’re just waiting around for John to talk. He has very anxious energy around him. He’s probably good to have before a fight, but to have before a fight and doing research, he seems a bit extra” big man truck

“Are you ready for judgement day? Also the lottery is at 1.7 million. Nothing like having Jesus and the lattery on the same sign. Murica” “What kind of truck is that? Sierra Grande” “See what I mean? John gets a call. He pulls off the road in some sort of rage-fit, and he hits the back of the truck. He’s not handling this well. I feel like you’ve been hunting for years; you’d think he’d be able to handle this kind of grief better. He’s making the boys guess on what happened - he’s making them go through this whole song-and dance.” “Creepy” “Check ALL the kids” “John is so emotionally driven or whatever. It does not mix with the militaristic style very well. Plus, he’s got the crotch stimulator steering wheel cover.” “What a fkn mess”

“Yeah like an EMT would get out of this truck? Maybe off-duty but idk” “Gotta lay off the shrooms bro” “heavy breathing train” “What a fkn coincidence” “Let’s just be creepy and ask her how old her kid is” “that wasn’t weird at all” “fkn Toyota commercial right there” “hey look a doll! Oh it’s a real baby. Never mind.” “Such a look of doubt there” “As if you’re going to pick up you asshole” “Got him” “idk what you’re talking about” then laughed

“That was a good joke” “Doesn’t she shoot the demon next to her with the fake gun and then say nice fake gun?” “I guess they haven’t worked with demons much yet” “Talking like an already-dead man” “Awful lot of wet inside of your gun case, buddy. I wonder how many times they had to take that shot. They spend all that time cleaning guns, and they’re wet rusty and crusty just like John’s attitude” “brown baggin’ a colt. Nice” “4 left now” “So wait they’re so excited to fight together, but this demon is going to come around midnight but John has to go see Meg?” “That was a quick drive” “There’s gotta be something on the lore somewhere about the demons knowing about the markings on the gun, because John is giving them an unmarked one” “Two dudes sitting in a car. Alone. Outside of a house. No big deal.” “Nice red backlighting. Clever use of lighting” “He was inside. Now he’s outside climbing the ladder” “Do you have to leave your crucifix in the water?” “Talking like you’re already dead again” “Was the quip about his good looks supposed to be a joke? I don’t see it” “It’s the other way round from what I remembered” “Except it was a real gun. Maybe that’s why she said it was funny” “Why isn’t John running? What a cocky SOB. He’s gotta get a reaction out of them? Goddamn” “You already know what that means - move the fuck on” “Didn’t have slash proof tires of your prepper truck? Goddamn” yellow eyes!

“See that was a more appropriate reaction from the family. You had 2 random dudes in your house so what do you do? You run to get the baby and fight the intruders” “rarwaewrra. Sam gets his little pit bull syndrome then Dean pats him on the head to say it’s alright bud” “So they have 3 bullets left. I intend to keep track” “I feel like Dean’s normal reaction would be to slap Sam but he just take it and talks Sam down a lot” Maybe if it was anyone other than Sam “Maybe I just don’t understand the brother thing”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural #supernatural s1 #supernatural rewatch

[squeakygeeky]

I don’t know why I feel the need to recap this episode of Unforgotten Night because nothing happened, but here we go.

For those participating in #whiskerwatch2022 (not to be confused with #faucetwatch2022 which I did not come up with) it was there:

I didn’t add it in my explainer, but this giant chin hair has appeared in multiple episodes. You can basically figure out the shooting schedule by checking for The Hair.

Anyway, Kamol and Kim got shot at so Kamol sent Kim away to stay with De and Ich in the Stairs of Death, house which has made an appearance in uncountable Thai BLs. Kim is not happy, hence why when Kamol finally gets around to calling him, he has to involve everybody else’s phones in their business.

This is all extra weird because De is the guy Kim was in love with and by sheer coincidence one of Kamol’s employees (past employees?). I don’t think Kamol knows about Kim and De. Ich knows and De and Kim keep reassuring him there’s nothing between them which just makes it more awkward. Meanwhile Ich is 100% jealous and just inexplicably invested in the latest Kim/Kamol developments, which like same dude, right there with you. Also, De and Ich have their nephew with them. What is this, a Vietnamese BL? Maybe that’s why Kim was so ready to adopt Baiboon--he couldn’t risk a random baby being assigned to him if he didn’t choose his own child-figure.

In the worst possible costuming choice, Kamol is in his bathrobe while talking to Baiboon. Again, this is his housekeeper’s teenage nephew. Or possibly grandson. The subtitles are super random about this.

This looks so bad, but Kamol just wants Baiboon to know he’s allowed on the furniture and to and call Kim on speakerphone, because he correctly assumes Kim will always answer for Baiboon. However, Baiboon is too honest and Kim is not quite stupid enough for this to work. Poor Baiboon very much did not want to get drawn into Kamol and Kim’s marital issues and flees to go hug his crush, the head bodygaurd Khom. After about 5 minutes of hugging Khom seems to finally realize what is going on/work up the will to resist, and manages to disengage from the clingy teenager. Oddly that scene is actually worse than it looks, since the actors are like 3 years apart in age and the same height.

Then Kim gets kidnapped again because De left the house and said ‘whatever you do, don’t open the door’ and then when Kim was like ‘someone is at the door’ Ich was like ‘okay, definitely open it.’ But I don’t blame Kim because we already know he has no survival instincts, so how else could he be expected to behave if someone else was encouraging his brainlessness? But I’m not sure if the kidnappers will even make it of the property with Kim because he’s clearly fine and back with everyone in the preview for next week.

On an actually analyzing the show note, I’ve seen a few people mention Kamol and Kim as having a misunderstanding or communication issues, but I don’t think that’s really the case. Kamol genuinely thinks Kim is safer away. Kim just wants to stay with Kamol and sees being sent physically away as being emotionally distanced which isn’t really wrong either. And when Kim says he’s not mad it’s not like everyone can’t tell that’s a lie and when he won’t pick up the phone for the 5 millionth time, I don’t think actually talking would have done them any good. They have an actual disagreement so someone has to actually DO something, and it’s probably going to have to be Kamol because Kim's ability to deal maturely with his own emotions is on par with his ability to take safety precautions. Put that boy on a leash already, he will like it.

(Although I can only picture Kim in one of those toddler harnesses, not a Sexy Leash.)

#unforgotten night

[bornfromchalk]

I feel like I should explain the whole ‘blorbo’ situation to you… I had to do a little bit of research but I don’t mind if it at least means a little less being lost on this site for both of us.

The term blorbo is a newer term on here and it came from a post talking about how someone can make a more generic post about a fandom- like talking about the character but not naming them in the post but in the tags? Anyways, they were talking about how people bring their own favorite characters from entirety different shows and make it about that character instead of the original poster’s character? Blorbo I’m guessing is a random word they made up for this but it stick and now blorbo essentially translates to a character someone deeply loves or appreciates and will bring up to a point of being potentially annoying. For example, let’s say I deeply like this one character from A Legend of Sword and wouldn’t stop bringing them up, or somehow the most random of things makes me think of that character (like rice or something, I’m making stuff up here)- that I guess could be my blorbo.

Eeby deeby is a replacement term for a strange destination of some kind. That one came from some post about going up an elevator, but having no idea which floor because the screen eeby deeby. Some reason it’s implied they’re going to a purgatory of some kind as denoted by ‘eeby deeby’ which is from what I’ve read is supposed to be like a robot sound. I think that one gained traction because it tied into the superhell joke that a lot of supernatural fans were making when two dudes confessed to liking each other in the show and one got killed pretty much right after and went to the empty- aka, according to fandom, is superhell. I don’t know, I didn’t watch the show.

Glup Shitto apparently is a little joke to jab at the Star Wars fandom for how the names of a lot of the characters sound like gibberish. But also it’s also used as a fake name for a returning character in the series (usually the more obscure parts of the media like a small book trilogy rather than the mainstream films) and praised by hardcore fans but practically unknown to those who are more in the mainstream media of that universe rather than the more obscure portions. It picked up more speed when a new show for the franchise was released that was pretty mainstream brought back a lot of more obscure characters from like the animated shows aimed at a more older kid to young teenage audience.

Plinko horse apparently came from a video of a series of animations. The animations were being used as a visual on how things are projected to move and interact I suppose? Plinko horse was specifically from the Real Time Collision section, with a horse being dropped through a plinko-like board and going through the pegs, biting different ones on the way down. Apparently it made rounds on other sites first (https://youtu.be/Slt4z55PBhI, this is apparently a catalyst for its popularity). Gifs were made and those all had jokes made about them and it just kinda spread. Somehow this amuses us and it’s just now a thing.

Still no idea what scrunglo means, but if I find that one out, I’ll tell you! Hopefully some of this explains a little about tumblr slang.

Ah... you didn't have to go that far for my sake. I am grateful as always.

I think I understand now. So blorbo is somebody's favorite character one can't stop thinking of. And the word is just a placeholder for their name as the maker of the original post wanted to make a statement about the phenomenon without going into a specific fandom or character. It is actually quite smart. This is, essentially, how new words are introduced to a language.

Well, eeby deeby is a... quite funny sound I would say. That being interpreted as "superhell" however, is a little peculiar. Though the contrast itself between the funny and the serious sounding might be exactly what's making the comparison comedic. That, and the timelines coinciding with the surgence of each meme, that is a recipe for an internet gag indeed.

Glup Shitto... another combination of comedic sounds and inside knowledge of a certain fandom. I'm starting to see a pattern here.

The plinko horse seems to be an excellent demonstration in movement, velocity and contact. Why they chose a horse as the subject... might not be relevant to the experiment itself.

Thank you for this holy grail of information once again. This helped me understand certain things and aided me in forming hypotheses about internet culture.

~Albedo

#inquiries #genshin impact #genshin roleplay #albedo

[femalebookworm]

Okay, then, this is Vital Secrets series (bundle of book 1-3, but as you can tell, reviews will be separate!) is my first read for 2024 (started Jan 2, ended Jan 3, 8pm sharp), picked this set at random after seeing cover with dude holding a gun and some words like, crime, thriller, suspense, detective work etc attached to it. All that, set my mindset for CSI, NCIS; set the standards too high, but the coincidences were piling up too hard and too fast, I just followed the letters on the e-page.

Yeah yeah, I kept the same intro used for the first book, sue me. List of Secrets is about 32% into this bundle, and while I have the separate book status being marked on Goodreads, I could definitely NOT review 3 books in one go; my brain wouldn’t let me. It would also be super long, and I know Goodreads and my blog have limits. Bear with me, I’ll keep the bundle review simple, just one more book guys, gals and inbetweens. NOT SPOILER FREE, read at your own risk.

Oh man, finally got into the groove of this author. They didn’t disappoint. While the first book was detailed enough for the reader to put it together before the main characters, List of Secrets kept the cloak until almost the last chapter. From the-go you have two serial killers, two siblings (in fact), and they both kinda fall in love with target and target adjacent. So many deaths, so many hearts destroyed. So many lies. The last page kinda gave me the feels that the target and target adjacent has something in common to bond over, and maybe it’s twisted to think the author meant they would become friends — or maybe even something more? Don’t know, the sneak peek suggested Joe would join in win the rest of the OG characters for the next book. Not all complaining. Enjoying it, actually.

Oops, my bad, the characters names - Lizzie, a cop from Seattle whose life changing betrayal of bestie and fiancé took her on a trip where she meets a guy she clicks super fast, Landon. Likable characters, I might add. But they soon return to their lives - Seattle vs Texas. They kinda have a long distance relationship. Cool. Normal. Then we have Samantha (was that her name? Cannot remember. Sorry. I suck with names, and this time I didn’t take any notes) hitting a skii class with a retired athlete, Donny, they fall madly in love within three dates or so, same as Lizzie/Landon. However, they do spend a lot of time together before hell breaks loose. While these couples go about their lives, murders are happening all across the globe, some to people who kinda deserve and others, well… leaving you with a question mark on how they were/are important to begin with. Shit happens, and suddenly the puzzles are put together with the joint efforts of Nathan (whose baby was born somewhere along the crazy murders and relationships growing speedily) and Joe (Lizzie’s godfather, and her dad’s old partner). Some other characters were introduced from other districts as well, and wondering if they will return on book 3 (the final one I HAVE) or even later on.

Hmm, what else can I say? I think this is it. The plot twist I didn’t see coming was the family bond. Familiarity, yes - at one point - but not this. Onto the next book as soon as my headache leaves me alone. Maybe will start it tomorrow only and give my brain and eyes some much needed rest.

#List of Secrets #D.F. Hart #book review #bookworm #review #mystery #Vital Secrets Series #criminal #romance