all star weekend | 2.2.23
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Every date I've had with a Christian man (here specifically in this Midwest cesspool) had just been like
*45 minutes to the restaurant boasting about how much he respects females followed by wistfully condescending ex bashing*
*orders a steak at lunch then sends it back*
*pouty lip frown of manipulation 'aw, you have a lot of opinions, don't you?'*
*I had a hard time convincing my late wife to convert initially, too*
*'I'm a shepherd of the earth' throws cigarette butts on the ground*
*Just read John 3:18 and it will all be clear to you, I can explain everything you don't understand. But only me. Not any other Christian man in existence or from your past can show you the truth like me."
*bUt WhEn ThE rApTuRe CoMeS*
*I respect trans people, but let me spend 30 minutes telling you about their mental illness*
*loving Jesus as an excuse to be blatantly anti-semitic*
*You're just deluded and in pain and a dirty filthy sinner, but I can save you just like my ex*
*but I totally respect all religions haha I'm not racist we've had such a great time today*
*it's your way or the highway so you'll never find a man if you don't pick me*
*I'll pray for you* *respectfully* *after whining to you about how hard it is not to masturbate to you*
Like what the fuck is in the water around here
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
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this was a good read
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I am once again pondering the fact that Marty McFly is just such a fantastic character. Like, especially when you look at other male protagonists in the 80s, they all follow a similar trend. A lot are uber cool and suave, with the added side effect of also being a jerk. Many are popular jocks or whatever. Big flirts. Edgy and troubled or sleazy, etc.
And Marty is sort of in his own category entirely. He's cool, but he's not? He skateboards and kills it on guitar but has 2 whole friends--his girlfriend and a disgraced scientist--and crippling self-doubt and can't go a day without falling down or tripping over his own feet or nearly being killed by a car.
He's polite. He's respectful. Won't let anyone mess with the people he loves and doesn't let a moment pass by where he can thank somebody or apologize for a wrongdoing. (seriously, Marty has beautiful manners. Like, it is quite noticeable how often he says, "please," "thank you," "excuse me," or "sorry".)
His emotions are all SO BIG and he doesn't hold back on them. He gets all animated when he's excited and yells when he's scared and cries when he's sad and pulls his friend into big ol' hugs.
He literally never knows what is going on. Marty exists in the constant state of confusion. Between asking Doc to "wait a minute" every other sentence and his ever-changing, scattered thoughts, Marty is just out there trying to survive. Just slow it down, alright? He's a smart guy, but he's also got elevator music playing in his head. Really really fast elevator music.
Time means nothing to him. His watch is broken. He's racking up tardies like it's nobody's business. Stopping by the garage to look for Doc and play some guitar when he should be at school. He's got to get out of that stupid suit RIGHT THIS INSTANT even though he's got one shot at the lightning strike at the clock tower.
Marty just. Does things. There is zero impulse control. A synapse fires and Marty's brain goes "!!!" and that's that. Punch the bully who's twice your size, buy that sports almanac, just Walk Away while Doc is talking to you. Buy that sweet leather jacket. Ignore ALL instructions you're given! Marty, you need constant supervision and I love you for that.
He's just. Marty is the most character. Look at him.
They really knocked it out of the park with this guy.
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Depature terminal.
Inspired by this shot from ed 3 ofc
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LEON KENNEDY
Resident Evil 4 Remake (2023)
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Okay! Obviously, I love Wolf 359. The available scripts for Wolf 359 are recording scripts, meaning they're inaccurate in a ton of places when it comes to finalized or improvised dialogue, and don't function well as transcripts (especially since the scripts for the live show and some of the mini episodes were never made available.) That said, I think everyone should read the scripts; the sheer amount of physical description that you can feel in the show, even if you can't see it... I guarantee it will enhance your listening experience. Most visual show to ever be an audio drama. So, in pursuit of both of these goals at once, I went over every word in the scripts, and wrote up new scripts for the unavailable ones. Some of the sound effects described - especially in early episodes - might not line up exactly, because I didn't want to mess with the non-dialogue portion of the show, but I hope this strikes a good balance and can be a useful resource.
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not to be insane but
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bruce didn't take the cowl off even in steph's final moments. not even then did he trust her with his face. he didn't give leslie any way to contact steph's mother, either -- presumably because the writers forgot she even had one or didn't think anyone would care. but i remember and i care. so in her final moments, steph was with a man in a mask whose lack of trust in her messed with her head and ruined her life, still begging to be acknowledged by him, to be called worthy, to be called real. and she deserved her mother to hold her hand or tim but bruce deserves to sit with that moment the rest of his life.
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Hey, gentle recognition for the people who are taking care of themselves in "not aesthetically-pleasing" ways. To the people who have to do things they don't want to because they know they would suffer more if they didn't, to the people who have to brush their teeth with their fingers, to the people who have to use washcloths to bathe, to the people who need to punch pillows or scream into them to express their intense emotions, to anybody ashamed about the way they need to live and take care of themselves.
You are doing the very best you can with the hand you've been dealt. It's not easy, it's not pretty, but it sure as fuck takes so much to do these things. You are doing what is best for yourself, and I, for one, think you deserve to be proud of that. Self-care isn't easy. It isn't pretty, often, but it's something you shouldn't be ashamed of or hide away because it's deemed "grotesque" or "not really self-care (because self-care is pretty and non-threatening to 'normal peoples' senses)"
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