#i refuse to read a single fic that's been shared around like this. i feel so bad for the writers man.

[peachsayshi]

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ blessings ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

↬ summary: nanami kento tries to be the perfect husband and father but when a tough night fighting curses ends badly it results in nanami snapping at his daughter. 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ minors / ageless / blank blogs (dni) ↬･tags: nanami x female reader; hurt/comfort; nanami has a daughter; domestic drama; being a jujutsu sorcerer is hard; momotarō is a famous Japanese folk tale :c ↬･ wc: 3,383

↬ notes: hi, everyone! I'm currently not really active at the moment so please don't feel disheartened if I haven't been responding to your messages or tagged posts. I'm taking a small break and only coming online for a bit to catch up on some messages, read fics or queue posts. I'll be back to properly posting and interacting soon but in the meantime I wanted to share that I finished up this draft over the weekend. I was actually debating if I should post this but then just decided to go for it! sending all my love xx

nanami’s head is heavy, completely clouded with despair, and it tints his brown eyes a shade of murky gray. the walls of his beautiful home feel narrow, almost claustrophobic, which explains why he’s struggling to catch his breath right now. stepping into the hallway, he instinctively peeks into the dining area to find you and his daughter eating dinner together. she’s sitting on the chair, her legs far too short to even touch the ground, holding a half eaten onigiri between her small hands. you are by her side, sneakily tidying up after her as you brush away the stray beads of rice trickling onto the table. 

a little glow blooms in nanami’s heart at the sight of you both but there is a vicious creature residing in the pit of his stomach that veils the bright light away. 

he quietly takes off his jacket, his bruised fingers loosening the tie around his neck. he clears his throat before announcing with exhaustion to you both that he’s finally home. 

your eyes meet his, the muscles on your face falling immediately. he can practically feel the blood rushing through your veins as worry washes over you. the reaction makes his chest uncomfortably tight, but he knows that he can’t hide his expressions around you like he used to. 

you both move together so fluidly now, like a single body of water that ebbs and flows to its own natural current. 

he escaped the night’s fight with a few cuts and a couple of bad bruises, but there is currently a student on shoko’s table who barely made it through. the young man arrived at jujutsu tech only a couple of weeks ago, but his naive and charismatic qualities turned into fatal flaws in the world of sorcery.

he bit off more than he could chew by trying to take on a special grade curse.  

shoko promised nanami that she would heal the boy, but admitted there was only so much she can do in regards to the aftermath of his injuries. the sorcerer couldn’t bare to leave him behind, but gojo refused that he stay and insisted that he return back home to his pretty wife and adorable daughter immediately. 

“I’ll handle things from here,” is what his superior said, while nanami’s guilt climbed up his throat. 

that student was his responsibility... 

...and he failed him entirely. 

“papa’s home!” his daughter chirps. the pitch of her voice ringing in nanami’s ears to pull him back to the present and far away from the scene where life and death were dancing together in a tango.  “papa, look, look...mama and I made onigiri!” 

her feet bounces up and down, and there’s a touch of a pink against her cheeks when her mouth stretches into a beaming grin. the innocence in her eyes makes nanami falter and he can feel himself falling deeper into the abyss. for a minute he resents himself for selfishly bringing such a beautiful thing into this world, only to gamble with the fact that she may potentially be in his shoes one day. 

he begs for that outcome to never happen, beseeches whatever higher power above him that exists to spare her from this life. she should never have to go through this, never have to experience these heartbreaks that only wither a person down. 

“I can see that,” nanami replies in a low voice before shifting his attention to his feet. 

right now, he can’t stomach an ounce of her purity, and it radiates around her like a halo. she's so unbothered by his presence, so completely unaware of the sudden change in the atmosphere around her... 

“we made tuna, salmon, and veggies...” she babbles on. 

“how nice...” nanami curtly interrupts, before anxiously running his fingers through the strands of his messy blonde hair. 

“which one do you want, papa?” she questions eagerly, pointing her sticky hands at the plate to show off the selection of triangles. 

“sweets,” you interject just as nanami turns on his heel to walk in the other direction, “how about we finish up eating our dinner, and we can save some for your daddy tomorrow...”

“nooo!” she whines far too loudly, which forces nanami to stop dead in his tracks. he glances over his shoulder to see her puffing out her bottom lip with disappointment, “you said...you said we make it so we eat together!” 

she’s only six. 

she can’t perceive that her father is struggling to hold himself together. deep down inside nanami knows that, but it isn’t enough to keep his cool. he doesn’t know why his daughter’s insistence causes him to pinch the front of his brows with annoyance or why he shoots a frustrated look in her direction. 

he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly picturing shoko calling the student’s parents to deliver the news that the man who was supposed to protect their child was unsuccessful in his duty. 

he doesn’t know why he feels at fault for everything that happened, even though the circumstances of the events were completely out of his control.  

he doesn’t know why he’s imagining himself on the receiving end of a very similar call, or why he can’t stop picturing his precious daughter on that table instead…

all of this pummels into him, and the monster emerges out from it’s cave.  

“be quiet and stop making such a fuss.” 

his voice comes out sharper than expected, and the expulsion of his frustration allows him to see the crystal clear picture before him. 

the room is dead silent. 

your face is in full shock at the hissing tone of your sweet husband snapping at his darling baby girl who he only ever speaks to with a gentle voice. 

what truly unravels nanami is the look that his daughter is giving him - her angelic features are sullen, but her eyes remain wide with surprise. her bottom lip is slack, and the only sound he can hear is her uneasy breathing. her eyes, the most beautiful gems in existence, twinkle as tears begin to form and she tries to quickly blink them away before turning her attention back to her plate.  

nanami doesn’t know he managed to stop time itself but the three of you remain frozen in place. 

he regrets his words immediately. 

he wants nothing more than to pull his precious girl close into his chest and smother her with apologies. the part of him with sense tells him to follow through and make things right with her, but instead he begrudgingly continues to wallow in his own self pity as he walks over to his room. 

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

the house is unusually quiet now, the music of domestic joy morphing into hushed murmurs and whispers outside your room door. you settle your crestfallen daughter into her bedroom before moving to check on your husband next. 

fresh out of the shower, nanami is seated on the edge of the bed with his exhausted eyes pressed firmly into the palms of his hands. he exhales a heavy breath, his dirty work clothes still piled just outside the bathroom, and your heart nearly collapses seeing him in such a state of disarray.

you kneel before him, two hands sliding across the soft material of his sweats as you brush them along his thighs before carefully bringing them up to circle around his wrists. 

“kento?” 

he allows you to pull his palms away but your throat constricts when a band forms tightly around your neck. you swallow the lump with an upturn of your brows as you are greeted with red, exhausted eyes. you cup that handsome face in your hands, your thumbs sweetly motioning back and forth across his cheeks as you try to soothe the tension away. 

after all this time together, it hurts you to see that he still tries to hide his tears. nanami constantly holds himself to the highest standard, always ensuring that he can solidify himself as the rock for you and your daughter to depend on through thick and thin. it’s so rare for you to see him crack, to watch him crumble under the overbearing weight of the things that he is burdened to carry. 

“you had a rough night,” you point out in a low, sympathetic voice and he simply just nods his head in acknowledgement. 

his eyes flutter close again when you lean forward to press a tender, reassuring kiss on his brow. “you want a talk about it?” 

the way his voice shakes makes you shiver, but you tentatively listen as he relays the events of the night before finally concluding that satoru called him only a few minutes ago to reassure him that the student in question is alright. 

“he lost an eye, but at least he’s alive...” he concludes somberly, the warble in his final statement prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck as you pull him in for a protective hug. 

nanami receives it with gratitude, strong arms circling around your waist as he buries his nose into the crook of your shoulder and breathes in.

your scent is a reminder of his permanent sanctuary.

a safety, a reassurance of home.

you stroke his blonde locks between your fingers until he exhales, "i'm so sorry," he breathes, "I...I didn't mean to snap like that..."

a tiny smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and you unravel yourself to cup his jaw into your palms once again. "I appreciate the apology, but I don't think I should be on the receiving end of it..." you hint sweetly.

nanami closes his eyes guiltily. "I'm a horrible father."

you click your tongue with disappointment, your face falling as your disapproval pinches between the space of your brows.

"you're just human," you remind him defensively, "you're a wonderful father, the best man that our daughter can look up to"

"did you see the look on her face?" he replies, his voice unnaturally small. the tender expression he gives you is filled with regret, and it's enough to make your heart ache all over again.

"kento," you contend, "don't do this to yourself. we're both going to have days where we mess up, but that doesn't mean that the problem can't be fixed."

you thread his hair between your fingers, like your brushing through rays sunlight. "she's waiting for me to read her a bedtime story," you explain, "but I'm sure she would rather be with you instead..."

"I doubt that," your husband replies as he reaches for your hand to kiss the inside of your palm.

"we will always love you, kento," you answer back, "unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"

he didn't even know how desperately he needed to hear that, for your certainty to remedy away all his sorrows, until they actually left your lips.

your husband's throat tightens, tears pricking his eyes once more but he hides them away when he leans in to seek out a kiss from the woman whose heart he deeply adores.

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

nanami leans his shoulder against the frame of his daughter's room. his heart patters lightly, making him realize that he might actually be nervous. it's strange, he thinks, that he would feel hesitant to approach his own child considering that he was her guardian but nanami had never allowed his professional life to fracture into his personal one like this before.

she's seated on the floor next to a pile of books and her stuffed rabbit secured tightly underneath her arm. there's a warmth in his chest when when he makes note of the soft toy, because he purchased that himself the day she was born and the pair have been inseparable ever since.

he clears his throat, bringing his scuffed knuckles to gently knock on the door.

"my love?" he calls out to her.

his daughter perks up, her breathing changing slightly as it rises and falls with a hint of apprehension. she glances over her shoulder to see him.

"where's mama?" she asks, her question shattering the man into a million pieces at her subtle dismissal.

"taking a shower," he answers cooly, "but I'm here to get you ready for bed..."

her lovely eyes refuse to lock into his own, and she simply tucks her lip between her bottom teeth to avoid giving nanami a reply.

she looks so much like him when he was a child. he remembered when his parents used to scold him too, and how he would also hide away in his room. the only difference is that nanami's parents were far more traditional - a time where elders were never submissive to young hearts.

"may I come in?" he requests politely, ensuring that his daughter knew she had a choice if she wanted to speak to him.

her nostrils flare slightly while she considers him, but to his relief she nods her head eagerly.

nanami steps into her room, always feeling largely out of place amongst her things. "did you find a story for bed?" he asks.

she again quietly nods her head and picks up her favorite book; a compilation of japanese folktales with beautiful illustrations. you both have been reading one for her each night ever since she got it it as a present from her grandparents.

he crouches on his knees to meet her at eye level. "you've really been enjoying this one, haven't you?" he carries on, hoping to coax more words out of her.

“yeah,” she replies in the same mousy voice of uncertainty. she shifts her attention away when she stands on her feet, clutching onto the stuffed bunny tightly while her other hand swings the book by her side.

“and what tale are we reading tonight?”

she shrugs her shoulders with indifference, a hint of pink blushing her cheek. “I dunno. I…I can just until mama is ready…”

nanami visibly slumps. her rejection an entirely new painful experience that he's never endured before. he scratches the back of his head anxiously, finding himself at a loss for words. the seconds pass, an awkward bubble surrounding both father and daughter. it’s only broken when nanami exhales a sigh, and reaches his hands towards her waist to draw her into his frame.

“darling,” he addresses tenderly, “can you look at me?”

“no, you were mean…” she blurts out, her bottom lip trembling slightly.

nanami’s heart sinks.

that’s the first time he’s ever heard those words from her lips.

“I know,” he murmurs shamefully.

her mouth forms into a tiny button of a pout but she meets his eyes for the first time as he acknowledges his behavior.

nanami arches forward to kiss her forehead, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, sweetheart. I’m so sorry if I upset or scared you”

she fidgets with the book in her hand. “did you not want onigiri?” she asks, her innocence tugging the corners of her father’s lips into a small grin.

“it wasn’t the onigiri, my love,” he reassures, “daddy just…had a bad day at work…”

“why was it bad?”

nanami sighs once again.

she still doesn’t know that he’s a sorcerer. you’ve both reduced his position to her by simply explaining that nanami “helps and protects people".

thankfully your daughter doesn’t pry too hard to ask any further questions.

“someone I know got hurt. so, daddy was a little shaken up when he came home…”

"shaken up?"

"scared, my love"

his daughter shakes her head in disbelief, “nu-uh, you never get scared, papa” she rebuts.

nanami huffs out a laugh, flashing her a full grin now as he brings his fingers to his chin to to ponder her sweet statement. he quirks his brow and cheekily replies, "we can't all be brave like you," in an attempt to lighten the mood.

his daughter narrows her eyes towards his hand, her mind instantly distracted with other things already. "you got hurt too papa!" she gasps, dropping the bunny by her side to point at his knuckles.

nanami glances at his fingers covered in red marks.

"wait!" she exclaims as she places the book by his side. "I have something!"

she spins on her heel and rushes towards one of her drawers. meanwhile, nanami just takes her in with his love soaked eyes, watching as she rummages through her stuff with determination until she scurries back his way.

"got it!" she squeaks with a smile, and to his surprise she jumps right into his arms with such nonchalance it nearly make him crumble on the spot.

your voice echoes in the back of his mind: "we will always love you, kento. unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"

"mama bought it for me," she explains, regaining her father's attention once more.

nanami rests his cheek on her shoulder, and inhales her powdery scent as he keeps one arm warmly secured around her waist. he watches her peel off the plaster of the band aid, lbefore grabbing his hand and placing it unevenly over his knuckles.

"now a kiss!" she adds, as she brings his hand to her mouth and exaggerates a loud "mwah" sound for emphasis. "mama says the kiss is what makes it all better"

nanami instantly feels significantly better from this remedy of love. he extends his digits out, and looks at the hot pink "hello kitty" band aid that now rests comfortably on his knuckles.

"thank you, my darling," he coos and peppers her cheek with a few kisses before turning her to face him once again. "you made me feel a lot better"

she flashes him an equally large smile in return, showing off her missing teeth.

"I did?"

nanami chuckles as he scoops her up in his arms to give her a well deserved bear hug. she laughs as he stands on his two feet, and sheds away any lingering thoughts of apprehension that may have stuck.

"you always do," he reassures, his soul vibrating back to life when he feels her return his embrace. “you think you can forgive me for how I spoke earlier?”

“yeah,” she confirms and squeezes him just a little tighter. "I love you lots, papa"

"oh, my angel," he hums, "you have no idea just how much I love you too..."

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

after winding down from your evening pampering session, you decide to pass by your daughter's room to check on your little family. you peer through the cracked door to find nanami spread out on your daughter’s bed, with your daughter curled into side and her head resting on his chest.

“did I come from a peach too like momotarō?” you hear her ask, but your heart flutters at the sight of your husband’s pearly whites.

you’ll never get over how much you love seeing him smile with such genuine emotion.

“no,” you hear nanami reply calmly, his finger lightly holding the page open. “you remember your mother explaining how you used to live in her stomach first?”

“oh yeah,” your daughter replies with a hint of disappointment over the fact that she was not birthed from a piece of fruit as mentioned in one of her favorite folk tales.

“shall I carry on?”

“uh-huh,” she answers and she readjusts her position to get even more comfortable. "I think if we look hard enough we might find momotarō..."

"you think so?" your husband wonders with honest curiosity.

"I know so, papa!"

"how many peaches do you think we need to check?"

"hmmm," she mumbles, "maybe a million?"

"a million?" your husband dramatically replies, "that's a lot of peaches don't you think,"

"I mean, it's less than a billion..." she responds quite matter of factly.

you catch his gaze from between the door that’s ajar. his expression fully relaxes, and you smile knowingly in his direction at the sight of father and daughter making up.

“papa?” his daughter questions upon his sudden silence, but your husband keeps his focus on you as he hums in acknowledgement before replying, "you're not wrong, but it'll still be quite a challenge to cut through a million peaches..."

"we might need some help," your daughter adds on.

you blow him a secret kiss as to not interrupt further, and quietly close the door before heading back to your bedroom.

#[peach is away.💌] #[peach queues.🧡] #nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami x female reader #nanami x ofc #nanami kento x you #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento angst #nanami angst #nanami hurt/comfort #jujutsu kaisen angst #nanami fluff #jujutsu kaisen fan fiction #jjk fluff

[back2bluesidex]

Where Do Broken Hearts Go - Chapter 1 (18+)

Pairing: Model, ex-boyfriend!Jungkook X Child psychologist, Fem!Reader X Lawyer, Single Dad!Hoseok. 

Summary: Jungkook stripped your emotions naked, left you bare in the chilly wind of despair and self-doubt with an unending heartache. You tried your hardest to move on from him, to live for yourself but failed miserably. Each night you had to come back to your empty home where memories and broken dreams were scattered all around the floor, until one day a little angel and her unbelievably beautiful father came into your life. Finally, when you find yourself healing, maybe falling too, Jungkook had to show up! Again!

Theme: Angst, pining, heartbreak, break-up, SMUT (MDNI)

Warnings: lots of crying, reader is broken, she is suffering so bad, a flashback explicit sex scene, big-dick Jungkook, kind of size kink, he hits it from behind, shower sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up), creampie, Jung Hoseok enters the scene, he is so attractive that you might faint, subtle and flirty Hoseok, an adorable little girl, Namjoon makes an appearance.

It's not really mentioned but just so you know, Hoseok and reader has a slight age gap like 5 years. (which is not at all an age gap to me because my first boyfriend was 8 years older than me. haha. you didn't just read that.)

Word count: 4.2k

Taglist requests are closed.

Minors and karens are not allowed in this blog

A/N: First chapter is here. I wrote 4k+ words for a single fic and that's unbelievable. Anyway, I hope you guys like it, and I hope it's worth the wait.

Main Masterlist

Chapters:- 

Prologue/Masterpost || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 - Finale

“Reaching in 10 minutes” 

That’s what Jungkook texted you half an hour ago. 

It’s nothing new. He has always been late to your every date, every plan, every meetup. What is new is the lack of explanations and excuses following his delayed arrivals. He only apologizes and you hardly hear any sincerity in his atonements. 

You sigh, staring out of the huge window of the private cabin. 

Jungkook can’t meet you at your (supposed to be shared) home due to his “privacy” issues. So, you had to reserve this private cabin of an over-expensive continental restaurant. It’s funny how all of these feel so formal. It feels as if you are meeting one of your wealthy clients and not your boyfriend. This is how far Jungkook has drifted from you. 

Your feet bounce on the floor, reminding you that you are indeed very nervous. 

It’s a “leap of faith” situation for you today. If it works out then everything will start afresh, if it doesn’t… you will have to fall and break without having any idea on how to mend yourself. 

“Sorry. I’m late.” Jungkook’s muffled voice rings behind your ear. 

You were so lost in your thoughts, or fear, that you didn’t even hear him entering the cabin. 

He heads towards the seat opposite of yours, without any further greetings, any kiss or even a hug… not even a single glance.

“As if it’s the first time.” you scoff. Jungkook chuckles nervously, removing his mask and snapback. 

“Let’s order something. Heard their soy sauce chicken is a hit-” 

“Y/N, I can’t stay for long. Can you make it quick?” Jungkook cuts off your words. His tone is so curt, so foreign that you doubt if it’s actually him underneath his skin or not. 

“Jungkook… What's wrong? Why are you making things so formal? For fuck’s sake it’s me. Your so-called girlfriend.” Your voice quivers but you scream nonetheless. 

“Y/N! Quit being dramatic and lower your voice. We are not at home.” Jungkook hisses, teeth gritting, eyes narrowing. 

“Home? You mean the apartment you left because your agency said it’s risky to share a space with your girlfriend of three years? The same place you refused to meet at because paparazzi are keeping tabs on you as you are rumored to be dating someone else?” you reply with the same ferocity. 

Jungkook closes his eyes and rubs his face with both of his palms. Taking a sharp inhale, he says, “Can you please tell me why we are here? I don’t think you called me all the way here just so we can fight?”  

You roll your eyes, less in sarcasm, more in an attempt to make your tears disappear.

You sit straight as if being prepared for the sword that is going to pierce through your heart, “Jungkook, do you.. do you love me?” 

Jungkook visibly stiffens. His eyes go wide as if someone has asked him to jump off of the building. You see him collecting himself and clearing his throat only to lie, “O-Of course I do. But suddenly why?” 

Even though you want to believe his words, you know those are as hollow as his eyes and maybe his heart as well. 

“Then..” you pause, reaching for your purse. Pulling out the pitch black velvet box, you look at him. Jungkook’s eyes are wide again, filled with horror and confusion. He probably knows what you are doing and he does not seem to be the least bit happy.  

You stand up from your seat and round the table to reach Jungkook, “don’t you think it’s the high time we get engaged? It’s been three years since we started dating, our families approve of each other and” you pause, being unsure of whether you should say it, “and we have always wanted a future together.” You open the box for him to see, a tight-lipped smile lingers on your face only to punctuate your proposal.

Jungkook looks up at you with his big, doe, mystical eyes and then looks down on the ring you have spent a fortune on. Your heart hammers in your chest, but it is not the flattering kind. Your heart races in a fear that you are not ready to face yet.

Jungkook’s face falls and he looks away from you. He plays with his fingers and avoids any kind of eye contact with you. You stand there like a doll made of steel, staring at him holding the ring. 

“Y/N. This is not- I can’t. I mean, this is so sudden. I am at the peak of my career and I can’t think of getting engaged or married at this point of life.” he runs a hand though his dark hair out of frustration, “Why are you rushing everything like this?” Jungkook’s eyes are still trained on the table, not on you. 

“Because I am afraid, Jungkook. I am afraid you might leave me behind if I don’t try to hold onto you now.” you finally let your tears fall. Uncontrollable sobs leave your mouth. 

Jungkook whips his head towards you and then stands up slowly. He holds you by your arms and opens his mouth to say something, “Y/N. I-”

“But I guess it’s too late now. You were long gone. You were gone far before the day you were seen with her. I should have understood Jungkook. I should have…” you run out of breath but still continue, “now please answer me honestly, you love her. Don’t you?” 

Jungkook starts avoiding your eyes again. His grip on your arms loosens and you somehow know the answer already. 

“I never cheated on you, Y/N. I never lied to you.” He offers with eyes shut tightly. 

“But you never told me the full truth either.” your voice comes out weak. 

Jungkook remains silent for a while and then he continues with a frail voice, “That night. I mean, the photo that went viral, I was sending her back to her hotel. She flew all the way to the States to confess to me.” This is a new revelation to you, since you never really demanded any explanation from him. Honestly, you didn’t have the guts to face the truth. Rather you decided to try one last time. And that is what brings you here, defeated and rejected with a truck load of pain burdening you down. 

“And? What did you say?” you press on, being determined to end your suffering today even if it means you will have to return home with a broken relationship and a broken heart.  

“Nothing.” Jungkook gulps.

“You could not say no because you feel the same and you could not say yes because you still had me, is that right?” You know you awfully sound like you are in a session with one of your patients but you don’t care. You need to get to the root of this unbearable pain and cut it off for once and for all. 

Jungkook nods. Even though his eyes are hidden from yours, you know, those are full of guilt and shame but not a single speck of love and affection for you. 

You close your eyes, let the tears fall unbound, shut the box tight and take two steps back from your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. 

“I know this is a stupid question but I- I’m just confirming” another sob leaves your mouth unintentionally, “do you want to break up? With me?” 

Jungkook pinches the bridge of his nose. He is probably finding a way to say yes without having to hurt you more than you can bear. 

“Y/N..” he murmurs. This is most likely the last time you are hearing him call you by your name. 

“Jungkook, please, just yes or no.” You take another step away from him.  

“Yes.” Jungkook breathes out. His eyes are still shut tight. 

Even though you knew what his answer would be, it still hurts much more than it did in your imagination. 

You feel as if your head is underwater, you can’t breathe, can’t fight, can’t scream. You need to be saved but the person you want to reach out to is the same person who pushed you into this unfathomable water. 

Your vision gets blurry with tears again, you can’t see Jungkook anymore. And you guess it’s better that way. 

“Okay. That's all I think. That’s all for our three years of history. I hope you lead a happier life from now on. Goodbye….. Jungkook.” and with that you left without waiting for him to say anything. You left him and a part of yourself with him. 

You are again sitting at your dining table, holding your phone tightly in your hand. You are again re-reading a headline just like you did a month and two days ago. You are again trying not to cry but you are failing miserably. 

“Calvin Kline fame Jeon Jungkook confirms the rumors by kissing rumored girlfriend actress Han Jiwon at a club downtown - The agency is yet to provide a statement.” 

It's cruel, how you have to wake up exactly at 7 in the morning despite crying for the better part of the night. 

It's even more cruel, how your vacation application (which you have been pursuing for more than a week now) was declined harshly because there's a "priority client" and you, arguably the most competent child psychologist of the clinic, have to take over the case. 

You reach for your phone and turn off the alarm. 

Opening your eyes, you stare at the ceiling blankly. It's been two weeks since you last saw Jungkook at the restaurant. It's been two weeks since your relationship came to an end. And it's been four months since you are sleeping on your own but you still crave for his warmth beside you. 

Love can be a funny thing. At one moment it's fulfilling you, injecting your heart with a sickening sweetness and at another one it's ripping off your urge to continue living, it's stuffing you with insecurity and self doubts that you hardly knew the existence of. 

You wonder what Jungkook is doing now. Is he sleeping by himself or is he waking up beside Jiwon? Is he kissing her shoulders softly like he used to do to you or is he hovering above her, spreading her legs and inserting his large shaft inside. 

Your thoughts are shaken off with the vibrating sound of your phone. 

It's Miseon. The receptionist of The Mindscope ( the clinic you work for) and probably the only person you can call a friend in this entire world. 

"Morning." You greet.

"Hey. Heard that your application was declined?" Miseon chrips from the other side of the line. 

"Yeah. For some priority clients. Kim asshole Namjoon will be deep-fried in burning oil in a giant ass frying pan in hell." You grumble.

"So you are coming back to work today I guess." 

"Yes I have to."

"Will you be okay tho?" You can hear concern in your friend's voice. She's the only person apart from your family to know about your and Jungkook's relationship. So, she called you immediately after seeing the tabloids twelve days ago. You cried on her shoulder when she visited you. 

"Yeah. I guess. I have to start doing the actual work anyway. My eyes are in pain for the prolonged hours I spent staring at Microsoft Word for these two weeks. Ugh. Now I hate documentation even more." 

Miseon chuckles, “Okay, see you at the clinic then.” 

“Yeah. see you.” 

You drag yourself out of the bed and head towards the washroom. If this is a new start, then you better accept it. 

As soon as the warm soothing water touches your body, memories come rushing back, flooding your mind with despair in the process. 

“Jungkook… I’m gonna get late” you whine, head tilting back with pleasure. 

Jungkook’s hand snakes around your waist, fingers reach for your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“Five minutes won’t hurt, baby.” he whispers in your ear as his index and middle finger draw slow circles on your wet clit. 

His other hand teases one of your wet nipples, twisting and tugging it as harshly as he wants. 

A pool of slick gushes out of your hole making jungkook groan at the feeling. He dips his middle finger in your hole and collects some of your wetness, he then uses that to rub more smooth circles on your clit. 

You choke on thin air, moaning his name again and again you start to roll your hip on his naked cock. 

His giant cock fits perfectly along your ass crack, as if it was made to fit inside you. 

You roll your hips harder to elicit a reaction from your boyfriend. 

“Such a dirty girl, huh? All for me.” Jungkook’s husky voice pierce through your sober mind and you find yourself dazed with love and pleasure. 

Jungkook increases the pace of his fingers and you get more and more wet each passing second. 

“Kook.. I- I need you.” you manage to breathe out. 

“Don’t be vague, Y/N. Tell me what you exactly need.” Jungkook replies smugly. 

“I need your giant cock to ruin my pussy, daddy.” you reply, squeezing the tit that has been deprived of your boyfriend’s attention.

“Whatever my baby says.” and with that jungkook slips inside you in one go. You barely get any chance to adjust because he starts moving right away. 

He fucks you slow. His fingers never stop teasing your clit and soon you two reach your climax. He fills you with his cum and you coat his cock with yours. 

“Let’s get cleaned now, hm?” Jungkook places a kiss on your shoulder as he turns on the shower. 

Your back slides down the shower wall. You shake violently as loud sobs leave your throat one after another. 

“You are so cruel, Jungkook. You are so fucking cruel.” you scream. Your throat hurts but your heart hurts even more. 

You should have read the signs. When he kept on talking about Jiwon, aka his new friend from the agency, you should have perceived that shine in his eyes. 

You should have confronted him more when he said he would have a drink with her after his shoot. 

You should have asked his whereabouts when he ignored your calls and texts because he visited her in one of her drama sets. 

You should have done a lot of things but most importantly, you should have loved him a little less and loved yourself a little more. 

Counselee Information: - Name: Jung Sua Age: 7 (seven) Gender: Female (F) Guardian: Jung Hoseok  Relationship with the guardian: Father of the counselee  Reasons behind seeking help:  1. Changes in behavior  2. Quieter and more reserved than before 3. Frequent nightmares  4. Mild panic attacks 

“So, what do you think?” Namjoon questions, leaning on the plush chair, placed at the end of your table. 

“Nothing complicated. You could have handled it yourself. There was absolutely no need of rejecting my vacation applications again and again.” you spat, being very unimpressed with the dimpled smirk on your boss’ face. 

“Oh my god. What’s wrong?” he dramatically leans forward. Placing a hand on his chest, Namjoon continues, “I thought you will be in a better mood after two weeks of work from home. But you seem even more annoyed than before.” 

“For your information, I asked for a damn holiday not work from home aka  prolonged hours of documentation. I really need some time off, Namjoon. I am not kidding.” Your voice sounds so defeated that Namjoon has to sit straight. 

A serious expression takes over his features as he replies, “I know, Y/N. You are definitely not the type to take leaves for fun. But I am helpless here. The client has asked for you personally. He has done his own research and concluded that you can help his daughter better than everyone else in this clinic. I could not do anything.” 

You nod understanding his point of view. 

You are always more than ready to help these little, innocent souls out. It pains you to see these babies experiencing something as horrific as panic attacks. 

But this time you need therapy more than anyone else under your radar. Even though your exterior doesn’t show the unbearable pain your interior is going through, you still need some solace. You are really unwilling to work at this moment and you doubt if you can help anyone else when you are not mentally fit yourself.  

But you hardly have a choice. And maybe, just maybe, you will get a chance of distracting yourself from Jungkook's thoughts. Maybe you will be able to take a breather. Maybe you will heal in the process. Maybe? 

“The appointment is at 11 am, right?” You ask the man sitting right in front of you.

“Yes,” he answers. 

“It’s 10:49 already. Get out and let me prepare myself.” you mutter, closing your eyes and leaning back on your chair. 

“Okay okay. Don’t be so aggressive.” Namjoon chuckles before leaving you alone in the cabin. 

You go through Jung Sua's records once more to verify if there's a health condition you should be aware of. But there isn't anything. 

Just when you close the file, a knock rings on the cabin door. 

You sit straight. Ready to welcome a new friend. 

Yuna, your assistant, knocks once more before pushing the door slowly. She walks in first and then holds the door open for the guests. 

And the cutest seven years old, you have ever seen, walks inside. She's so small that she can be easily mistaken for a five year old. Her chubby cheeks and immaculately done pigtails makes her look like a doll. 

You almost coo at the sight. 

Even though you mostly work with kids, for the past year you were working with only teenagers. It's been long since you had the pleasure to serve yourself for a kid less than ten years old, let alone a seven year one. 

"Hello there, Miss Sua. How are you doing?" You say in a jovial voice, trudging towards the baby. 

Sua tenses a bit and looks behind her, looking for shelter from her father. He stands right behind Sua, offering her to hold one of his hands. Sua takes that readily.

You come forward and sit on your knees to maintain an eye level with your new friend. 

"Don't worry. I'm your new friend. My name is Y/N." You offer her your hand. She hesitates a bit and then looks at her father for confirmation.

You follow her cue and tilt your head up to take a look at the father of your counselee.

Only if you weren't the embodiment of damsel of distress these days, you could very well have a love at first sight. 

The man flaunts a pair of incredibly beautiful yet intimidating eyes, a chiseled jaw that can cut you into pieces, perfectly styled dark hair that falls on his face, and a pair of heart shaped lips which enhances the overall beauty of his face. The fitted dress pants and the black dress shirt give hints of the lithe, well-structured body that lies inside. 

He smiles at you, you do the same. And then you feel a softer, smaller hand wrapping up your fingertips lightly. 

Her cuteness makes you giggle. 

You stand up, taking her hand on yours, you start walking towards a cozier corner of your cabin, where you usually counsel kids. Her father follows you closely behind. 

There's a small and round glass table along with three chairs. One is meant for you and two others are meant for the counselees and their guardians. 

You turn towards Sua’s father. Smiling a little and you say “You need to take the seat first, so that she can be assured it is safe here.” 

“Sure” he replies. His voice is smooth and light, a contrast to his dark and manly features. 

He sits down on the bigger chair and pats on the smaller one, “come on Sua, com ‘ere.” 

Sua leaves your hand and wiggles towards her dad. She easily plops down on her seat. 

“Yuna, can you prepare the game room please?” You ask your assistant.

“Sure, Y/N” She says before closing the door as you get comfortable in your own chair. 

Sua regards you with her big, round doe eyes. She looks at you so intensely as if you have grown two horns in your head. 

You chuckle a bit, “Sua, don’t you like your new friend? Don’t you like me?” 

Sua stays silent. 

“Sua is very friendly. I am sure she will like Y/N very soon. Isn’t it, baby?” Sua’s father chimes in, squeezing one of her little hands with his bigger, rougher ones. 

You are so accustomed to your patients and their guardians to address you as “doctor”, that you had to take a moment after your name rolled out of Mr. Jung’s mouth. 

The change is welcomed anyway. 

You divert your eyes from Sua to him, only to find him smiling at you warmly. You mirror his smile. His smile is so damn gorgeous that you can’t help but feel contaminated with it. 

“Sua, what do you like to play the most?” you focus on Sua again.

“Mario kart” she replies briefly, staring down at her feet. 

“Okay. That's a great game. But what would you like to play outside? For example with your classmates during lunchtime?” You place your next question. 

“My classmates don’t play with me.” She was quick with her answer. 

Your smile drops instantly and you already start mapping out all the possible sources of the issues she is facing. 

Nodding to yourself in understanding, you proceed, “Okay, let’s not talk about games anymore. You tell me what you like more, oranges or mangoes?”

“Mangoes.” she replies. 

“Okay” standing up from your seat, you walk towards your table and call Yuna. She comes within a few seconds. 

You instruct her to take Sua to the game room and treat her to some delicious mango juice. Even though Sua hesitates for a bit, her father’s encouragement works really well. 

As soon as Sua leaves the room, you find yourself quite nervous under the intimidating gaze of Mr. Jung. 

This setting is nothing new. You have been into one-on-one conversations with your counselees’ parents for more times than you can count. But none of them were as young and attractive as Mr. Jung. 

You inhale a long breath before continuing, “so, Mr. Jung, since when did you start noticing these changes in Sua?” 

“Almost a month ago. I can’t pinpoint an exact date but she has gradually become very quiet over this last month. She used to be very chatty. She used to tell me every little thing in detail about her day, her friends, what she had for lunch, what colors she used in drawings and so on. Now-a-days her answers have become vague and insignificant.” Mr. Jung sighs.

“Hmm. and the nightmares?” you ask, scribbling on the ipad. 

“Around the same time. She woke up at 2 in the morning, ran to my room crying and breathing heavily. She didn’t tell me what it was about but kept on saying she was afraid. The same thing happened two more times.” He completes. 

“Umm. The next question might be a little personal but the information is required for future counsellings. I ask for your understanding.” you sit straight. He nods. 

“You said she came running to you when she had nightmares. Hence, I assume you were alone in the room. What about Sua’s mother?” 

“I am a single dad, Doctor. Sua’s mother and I were in a casual relationship when she conceived with Sua unexpectedly. Both of us were just starting our careers so it was tough for us to think of getting married. On the top of that we didn’t like each other enough to proceed with that option. So, we decided to co-parent. But…” he pauses, takes in a long breath and then continues, “she disappeared after giving birth. She left a note behind as an apology, saying that she is not ready to be a mother, asking me not to contact her anymore. My mother and sister helped me in raising Sua so beautifully. They are the only ones to become something close to a mother figure for her. That’s all.” 

You feel something warm flooding in your chest. You don’t know what it is, it can be respect, can be sympathy, can be even admiration for this man who you don’t even know properly. 

A genuine smile takes over your face as you mutter, “You have done a great job Mr. Jung. You have raised a beautiful daughter all by yourself. You have worked hard.” 

Mr, Jung’s dark eyes flood with some emotions you can’t quite name. He stares at you intensely, so much so that you feel he is reading you inside out. You can’t help but stare back at him. 

“Call me Hoseok. So that I can call you by your name too. Is that okay, Y/N?” his voice is deeper than earlier, his smile is lopsided, more like a smirk. 

You find yourself easily smiling along with him, something that has been quite tough for you to do for the past few months. 

“Sure. Hoseok.” Your reply comes out without any further thought.   

Taglist:-

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @xjoonchildx @justmewondering-recs @cuteipat @miakey98 @purpleanchorcrown @chimmisbae @ane102 @junniesoleilkth @terjeonbebas @kookssecret @appleh4ad @kayleeshinee @whoa-jo

#bts angst #bts smut #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #hoseok angst #hoseok smut #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #hoseok x reader #bts fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #hoseok scenarios #jhope angst #jhope smut

[oomfvia]

come destroy my fragility

pairing: astarion/gender-neutral paladin tav/reader + the emperor/gender-neutral paladin tav/reader (kinda)

spoilers for act 3 + vampire ascendant astarion

sfw | established relationship | angst | hurt no comfort

this fic is not very nice towards both ascendant astarion and the emperor for the sake of storytelling. don't take it personally please!

also posted on ao3

likes/comments/reblogs always appreciated!

Turning your head, instead of The Emperor, Astarion sits beside you. Immediately, your body stiffens. But then, slowly, it releases its tension when he smiles at you. You recognise it as a smile of fondness — affection, rather than self-absorbed satisfaction. It was the Astarion you had woken up to just this morning, before everything was reduced to a putrid red. Your Astarion.

You allow your lover to become the Vampire Ascendant, and are forced to watch him grow delirious with a rush of newfound power. That same night, you find yourself in the Astral Plane in your dreams. You already miss him dearly.

word count: 3,490

You love Astarion, unwaveringly so. Your romance may not have had the best start, but it only made the fall that much more meaningful. Sharing the same tent, you wake up with your arms wrapped protectively around him every morning. Every evening, the two of you were now accustomed to reading quietly side-by-side, shoulders pressed together. You cherish the mundane routine of it all. Loving Astarion comes as naturally to you as breathing.

It’s in Cazador’s palace that you learn of the fact that you love Astarion so much, you would do just about anything for him. Even the most repugnant things.

You grimace in sheer, utter pain as your tadpole connects with Astarion’s. Both of your minds become one, sharing memories of runes marring pale skin in multiple flashes. For the first time, Astarion sees the Infernal poem detailing the conditions of Mephistopheles’ profane pact etched across his bare back.

A hint of a smile appears on the spawn’s face, and it brings a shiver of terror down your spine. The illithid connection is severed, releasing the two minds. It leaves your stream of consciousness to yourself, filled with a resounding thought: What in the Nine Hells have I done?

You vividly remember how the rogue had described the process of attaining his scars. Cazador had carved them into his skin painstakingly slowly, not missing even a single detail. In comparison, Astarion slices into his defeated master’s skin with urgency. Rather than savouring every scream, he only smiles, as if refusing to acknowledge them at all.

Even in a moment like this, Cazador calls Astarion a child. A wretched one, sure, but a child nonetheless. It causes you to forget the sting of guilt you feel for allowing Astarion to deliver such excruciating pain in front of your eyes, if only for a moment. You simply watch in silence as Astarion grabs the quarterstaff controlling the ritual, raising it above his head. It sinks into the centre of the floor, covering it in Infernal script that glows red.

“Ecce dominus!”

Leon, Aurelia, Violet, Petras, Dalyria, Yousen — they were the closest thing to family for Astarion. You remember how he had called them his siblings, and how it gave you a sense of relief. Even if said family was attained through cruel, corrupted means, it was a small bit of consolation that Astarion had not been truly alone all of those years. Now, they were all being reduced to a mere collective sacrifice. An obscene offering in exchange for the promise of power.

And yet, you cannot find it in yourself to lift even a single finger.

“Nunc volo potestatem quam pollicitus es mihi…”

You adore Astarion’s voice, in all of its velvety and rich tones. However, now that it was echoing loudly in the chamber, it only inspires feelings of dread, overriding any instinctual passion. Every single sacrificial spawn, including Cazador Szarr, bursts into thick puddles of blood. Astarion lowers his arms, breathing heavily as the ritual’s light slowly dims.

“I…I can’t feel it. That ache in my stomach, that hunger — it’s gone.”

Astarion smiles, unmistakably drunk on his newfound power.

“I’m free. I’m finally free! Oh, it feels delicious .”

You watch Astarion’s eyes gleam uncomfortably, opting to look downwards to your hands. Since when did your fingers start trembling? Since when were your hairs standing on end? You look back up at the newly emerged Vampire Ascendant, bitter regret coursing through your veins.

What remains of Astarion’s family is only a sickening shade of red, pooling all over the floor. You can only stare wide-eyed at the gorey scene, a wave of nausea threatening to rise in your throat. Suddenly, it’s also coupled with a heavy spasm within your chest. What was this feeling of devastating loss? Clutching at your chest, you shudder as your eyes sweep the room, only to notice that you’re the sole person undergoing such physical pain.

The pain then manifests itself into an armoured figure, its hands resting on its greatsword’s pommel. You swallow thickly, as the pain slowly subsides. While the pain was starting to leave, the ominous presence in front of you induces something else: fear. Metal shifts against metal as the armoured figure starts to speak in a gravelly timbre.

“You have broken your oath, paladin.”

The days of travel since the illithid abduction had been trying. Despite everything, you have always tried to be true to yourself. To your oath. Despite your best efforts to be righteous above all else, it all led up to this. Vows of higher morality, honour, and duty that had sworn years before were being turned to mere specks of dust. For a moment, you wonder if you were face-to-face with an executioner, who would deliver your lifeless body back to your deity. Instead, the armoured knight delivers nothing but a promise:

“At the close of day, I will be waiting for you.”

Astarion approaches you with heightened zeal, bringing you back to the harshness of reality. The consequences of recent events sink in, and you might even mourn the loss of that sinister knight’s presence. The newly crowned Vampire Ascendant speaks, and you attempt to listen. It’s no good — your mind is far too overwhelmed, far too dazed to digest every word. Astarion’s words only register as fragmented phrases about greatness, servants, and obedience. Even as your blade cuts through the Gur people, you sense yourself being swallowed up by numbness.

Outside of the dungeon, the rest of the journey back to camp is a muddled, disjointed blur. Midway, you turn to your left to see Gale, whose expression can only be described as crushing disappointment. On your right, you see Karlach. When the both of you meet eyes, the tiefling frowns, averting her gaze. You walk in front of their party as always, but your joints seemingly move for you automatically rather than being willed to. It’s only when you catch a whiff of the salty air of the harbour that the mindless trance you were under breaks. You were already back at camp.

You don’t want to speak with any of your companions. You don’t have it in you to face any of them — not even your lover. Instead, your slow, aimless footsteps find their way to the mysterious knight, tucked in a corner of the campsite.

Speaking with the Oathbreaker Knight is as intimidating as the first time. You listen to his words with a heavy heart, being reminded of what you had sworn. What you’ve now betrayed. With a slow turn of his head, the knight faces you with an almost scorching gaze.

“Tell me — why did you abandon your oath?”

“Out of…love.”

It’s a plain and simple phrase, and yet it’s uttered at a volume barely louder than a whisper. Your reasoning now sounded so silly and so immature to your own ears. The result of your misguided love makes it all seem so meaningless.

“An understandable sacrifice,” the Oathbreaker responds, contrary to how you were internally admonishing yourself for said sacrifice. Was it understandable to be so witless? So frustratingly naïve?

The Oathbreaker Knight continues to detail the greater implications of your actions, or your lack thereof. Halfway through, he mentions something about a new power slumbering within you, and it’s the exact moment when his words start to fall on deaf ears. The way things are, all you know is that you don’t want to hear any more of “power” and “strength” for the rest of the night.

“What’s past is past. We are here to discuss your future.”

“I don’t want any part of this. Let me remain pure. Please,” you answer with an almost desperate sense of haste, now afraid of what a future of unknown power could hold. Parting with a couple hundred gold coins is nothing in comparison.

Pacing as far away from the Oathbreaker as possible, you feel deeply on edge. The anxiety of it all is unbearable, and your instincts naturally seek out a source of comfort. Before you know it, your feet lead you to Astarion. Except this time, when looking into his eyes, you find someone else. Someone so incredibly similar, yet so incredibly foreign.

“I can’t believe you let me kill all those people…A pleasant surprise.”

You answer through gritted teeth. “I wanted what was best for you.”

“You sweet, sweet thing. I want what’s best for you too, of course. And one wicked turn deserves another.”

No, you don’t. Stop. Where is Astarion? Where is he?

“So, tell me what you desire. What can I do for my dearest pet?”

There was no need for any further words, your body reacting faster than your mouth ever could. You turn your heel, refusing to end the conversation properly. As you practically run back to your side of camp, your chest heaves and your breath escapes in shallow huffs. No, no, no, no, no. Whoever this is, he’s abhorrent. I hate this. I hate it all. You feel absolutely sick to your stomach, because you didn’t leave the conversation out of hatred for Astarion. You had left out of fear that you would be swayed by whatever he could’ve said next.

You know, in the back of your mind, that you have nobody to blame except yourself.

Lying on your bedroll, you shake off your feelings of disgust and self-hatred. You have an elder brain to deal with, and it wasn’t going to wait for you to figure out your relationship, of all things. All you want for the rest of the night is a restful, peaceful slumber. A sleep so deep and tranquil that none of your doubts and regrets can infiltrate your thoughts.

Of course, even then, you’re asking for too much. Even in your dreams, your loathsome love cannot seem to leave you alone. You find yourself among the stars, under a lilac sky. Turning your head, instead of The Emperor, Astarion sits beside you. Immediately, your body stiffens. But then, slowly, it releases its tension when he smiles at you. You recognise it as a smile of fondness — affection, rather than self-absorbed satisfaction. It was the Astarion you had woken up to just this morning, before everything was reduced to a putrid red. Your Astarion.

The last time you found yourself in the Astral Plane, you were faced with The Emperor, along with a choice that was all too easy. No matter the reward, you weren’t going to consume an astral-touched tadpole. The risk of it consuming you in return was far too likely, and you’d sooner fall on your longsword than have it take you. You had resolved yourself to speak with the mind flayer, sternly reaffirming that you had no intention of embracing any illithid potential in the slightest.

At the exact moment your eyes meet Astarion’s, all of those preconceived notions dissolve in an instant. You scoff in disbelief, blinking rapidly. Despite your expectations of him disappearing after every blink, his figure remains.

“Astarion,” you call out through the lump emerging in your throat.

“What has made you so sullen, my dear?”

What an unbearably loaded question, you think to yourself. Was it the overall gloom of Cazador’s dungeon? Was it those pitiful fools who had waltzed right into their deaths, who had loved a vampire spawn in a way that you understood far too well? Was it the way that Astarion looked at you after his ascension, devoid of any of the respect and trust that you had shared throughout your journey? The answer is a combination of everything.

But it doesn’t matter, does it? What matters now is that Astarion was here with you.

“I love you so much it hurts, Astarion. But now that I've doomed you, I’m…I’m so fucking scared.”

Except you know that this is too good to be true.

“I love you too. There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m with you, aren’t I?” Astarion says, with a tilt of his head. It’s so charming, so inviting, so comforting.

Astarion said many sweet things, but he's never proclaimed his love for you outright in this way. He was always too afraid, and knowing that, you never demanded it from him. So why was he saying this now? Something feels wrong, terribly so.

“I…I missed you,” you respond with a hesitant voice.

Something about this feels wrong to the point of perversion. Apprehension courses through your body, and you look into those familiar scarlet eyes, searching for an answer as to why. He stares at you in a way that pierces through your soul, boring into your flesh.

“But darling,” Astarion says, a warm smile on his lips. “I’ve never left.”

And then, it clicks.

Lies. Lies, lies, lies, LIESLIESLIESLIES —

You clench your fists, squeezing your fingers together momentarily. Gradually, your dull, broken sadness paves the way for unbridled anger. Heat rises in your stomach, reaching up to your chest. With a scowl, you raise your hand, slapping your palm against the man’s cheek.

“Who do you think you are, trying to fool me again? You’re deplorable.”

You watch with an icy glare as Astarion’s figure seamlessly transforms. Pale skin is dyed back into a piercing purple. Bulging veins emerge across his skin. The lower half of his face is covered with appendages. All of it reveals a hideous aberration.

“I thought you would have appreciated that form over this one. It seems that I was mistaken.”

“...You aren’t.”

Truthfully, as much as you are angry at The Emperor, you’re also angry with yourself. During those few initial seconds, you had allowed yourself to hope. Even if it was only a dream, you wanted to believe so badly that it was the Astarion you had helped to erase at the Black Mass. Even if it was for only a couple of hours, you wanted to see the Astarion who you’ll never get back.

The mind flayer hums in acknowledgment, as if he already knows. “We share the same mind. It is only natural that I know who you yearn for, more than anyone else.”

You take in a deep inhale, exhaling heavily with an open mouth. It was in the subtleties during times like this that you found yourself unable to fully trust him, regardless of his protection. Ultimately, The Emperor made you feel as if you were nothing but a mere pawn. Briefly, you recall Astarion as the newly rebirthed Vampire Ascendant. Suddenly, it all felt so awfully ironic. During that short conversation at camp, he, too, made you feel the same way.

“You’re repulsive,” you spit out. “What if I hadn’t noticed?”

“Then it would prove my point even further — that your current form comes with limitations.”

The realisation that dawns upon you only serves to fuel your disdain further. You were two individuals burdening the same brain. The Emperor knows everything that’s happened on this miserable day, and now he is using it against you. In your most fragile, most desperate moment, he was going to give you another sermon about abandoning your feeble form.

“Fuck. You.”

With another quick flourish, you’re met with Astarion again. It disturbs you how easily your heart can shift to feelings of familiarity and adoration, simply with a small reminder of the partner Astarion used to be.

“Now, now, darling. That’s very rude of you, don’t you think?”

The corners of the vampire’s lips curl upwards sweetly, the smile on his face just barely narrowing his eyes. You hate to admit it to yourself, but this form softens your heart, no matter how aware you are that it’s just a disguise.

Astarion takes your hand in his, tilting his head lovingly in a way that registers as equally seductive and sickening. He leans in towards you, soft breath brushing against your ear.

“You failed in preventing the corruption of your lover, despite your every intention to do so. Not only that, but you failed in protecting your oath. That moment of weakness leaves me with no choice but to presume that your present self is far from sufficient to deal with the elder brain.”

Cold and calculating words escape Astarion’s lips, making them sound like the most beautifully crafted prose. It’s so fucking unfair.

You wish you had your longsword at your side. If you could, you would unsheathe it from its scabbard, drenching the blasted illithid’s body in its own blood. But more than that, you wish you could rewind time back to when you were at Cazador’s palace, with Astarion’s dagger against Cazador’s throat. You want nothing more than to go back to when you could have cried out, ran forward, caused a fuss — anything to stop the Rite of Profane Ascension from completion.

In less than even a second, the Emperor returns to his illithid form, his appendages swaying as he speaks. With a flick of his wrist, he unfurls his fingers and presents you with an astral-touched tadpole. The same one you had rejected before. And yet, this one was much harder to refuse. You stare at the tadpole's faint, ephemeral glow.

What The Emperor says isn’t exactly wrong, and it frustrates you to no end. He was simply telling you what you had been trying to avoid telling yourself the entire day. What has happened has shaken you to your core, and you feel the seeds of doubt settling in the pit of your stomach. Astarion’s ascension aside, did you have the strength to surpass this setback and vanquish the Absolute? Could you assure that no cruel fate like that would befall upon your other companions?

You think of the worst. You imagine Wyll being consumed by his pact with Mizora. You imagine Lae’zel watching helplessly as Orpheus perishes, fulfilling Vlaakith’s wishes. You imagine Gale losing himself out of blind devotion to his goddess. They’re all things that you would never wish on your dear friends. Not after all that’s happened.

With a heavy, audible sigh, you let your shoulders run slack in resignation. You recognise yourself as an incompetent fool that has condemned your lover to a fate of single-minded lusts for power, and now you are going to pay the price.

“...Fine, you win. Have it your way.”

It takes only a moment for the tadpole to welcome itself into your body through just the smallest opening of your mind. You writhe and twist in anguish as you feel its essence coursing flooding into you. Every single bone in your body screams as your flesh contorts inhumanly and your veins turn a horrid black. Soon after, it settles. It’s so unnatural how natural it feels, once the wretched tadpole settles into your body.

“Are you happy now?” You ask, glancing up at The Emperor accusatorily.

“You are…exquisite.”

You don’t want to hear those words from that monster. You want to hear those words from him . If you still loved him ardently after his transformation, would it be such a stretch to hope that he would love you after yours? There must be some remnants of the way he had loved you before somewhere deep inside that unbeating heart. Tucked away secretively, so that it’ll never be fully erased. It’s somewhere, or so you tell yourself.

The Emperor must have picked up on your wishful thinking because in the next moment, you're once again eye-to-eye with your vampiric lover’s image. You know it’s all sheer delusion. A product of nothing more than your deepest regrets. The coldness of his hand against your cheek is heart-wrenchingly familiar, making you flinch slightly before your skin starts to adjust. When it leans in closer, you find yourself habitually meeting it in the middle.

When your lips meet, the illusion of Astarion gently holds your trembling arm, slowly tracing downwards until its hand rests on top of yours. It’s only when you feel a wet drop roll down your cheek that you realise you’ve started to cry. Shortly after, your lips part, leaving you with a devastating loneliness. You recognise it as the loneliness you’ve left buried under adamant denial, resurfacing after a single kiss.

“I love you, Astarion,” you whisper in a choked sob, trying but failing to convince yourself. Your declaration of love is out of a pathetic and pitiful need to reassure yourself, rather than spontaneous passion.

Memories of the Astarion you miss flit back into your mind. You had held him when he was at his most unsure of himself, lost about his place in the world. He had been the one to love you unconditionally, when you had thought you were nothing without your oath. Gazing into the imitation’s eyes makes it painfully obvious that you’re the only one still carrying such fervent affections.

“...I’m sorry,” the illusion whispers back. You don’t know if you have it in you to forgive it. You don’t know if you have it in you to forgive yourself.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 fanfiction #bg3 fanfiction #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion fanfic #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #oomfvia.txt #oomfvia:\bedtimestories

[swabsandcream]

No Ordinary Fan [Part 2]

Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N and Jeffrey become more involved with one another since their initial encounter.

Warnings: Sexual content (18+), minors dni

A/N: Jeffrey is portrayed as a single man in this fic.

It had been a week since Y/N met her favorite actor for the first time and somehow managed to catch his eye all in one day. It was impossible to describe the barrage of emotions she felt afterwards. She even found herself bursting into a fit of hysterics once she got home that night, jumping around and screaming as if she had won the lottery. It went on for quite some time, and like Jeffrey had promised, he gave her a call that same day. All the way up to this point, their conversations had consisted of them trying to get to know one another. They shared their interests like their taste in music, favorite foods, and even the tv shows they were currently watching. Jeffrey enjoyed talking to Y/N just as much as she liked talking to him, despite their age differences.

Both of them had agreed to keep their relations private, refusing to tell anyone that they’re talking to one another. Jeffrey wanted to keep anything from leaking to the press prematurely, and Y/N didn’t want to be bombarded by his other fans on social media. They were enjoying the talking stage so far, but since Jeffrey had finished up his meet and greets, he decided to take things a step further. After texting Y/N back and forth a couple of times since the day started, he eventually asked her if she would like to come over to his house for dinner that night. Turns out he lived in the country area located right outside of her city which was about an hour away. This would be considered as their first date, so Y/N was feeling indecisive about the matter. Jeffrey assured her that she could decline the offer if she didn’t feel comfortable with it, but after taking a moment to think and consider the possibilities, she decided to join him after all. 

Shortly after accepting the invitation to her dream man’s house, she found herself in front of the bathroom mirror once again for a quick pep-talk. “Ok. You got this. You’re gonna go over his house and treat him like you would treat any other guy. God, it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. Just breathe, and please don’t be weird.” 

She only had a couple hours to get ready, so she used her time wisely. She showered and shaved in every single place she so much as suspected there might be hair. Then she went to assess her wardrobe, carefully selecting her outfit in accordance with what she feels could possibly happen that night. She wanted to look sexy, but not too provocative to where he may think that she only came over for one thing. She shuffled through her clothes and found a white, long-sleeved dress that draped down to her knees. She hadn’t worn the dress in a while, but it still fit perfectly, and went well with the light makeup she had put on before she headed out to reunite with Jeffrey.

Roughly an hour and thirty minutes later, Y/N arrived at Jeffrey’s multi-million dollar estate in the country. She felt like she was in a movie, having to stop in front of a huge gate and wait until she was granted entry, then pulling in front of the most beautiful mansion she had ever seen. In fact, it was the only mansion she had ever seen up close and in person, being from the city and a part of the working class. She was taking in the view as she got out of her car, and before she could even make it up the stairway, she was greeted by an ecstatic Jeffrey while he stood in the doorway to his home. 

“Welcome! I’m so glad you- oh my.” He paused, watching Y/N as she walked up the stairway and stood right in front of him. “God you’re beautiful.” He said with a soft smile. “I feel like I might be underdressed.”

His outfit was very homey, a plain white t-shirt with black jogging pants. He also had on what’s presumed to be his reading glasses. Y/N had only seen him wearing them occasionally on the internet but seeing him like this in person felt like a dream to her. 

“No, you look good to me.” Y/N’s comment only made Jeffrey’s smile grow wider, his dimples becoming more visible in the process. He then took Y/N by the hand and brought her inside of his expansive house.

As they walked through the foyer, Y/N was captivated by the interior design of his home. Jeffrey on the other hand couldn’t take his eyes off of her, finding amusement in her wide-eyed expression as she continued to look around. As they proceeded through the hallway, they were greeted by two barking dogs, each of them choosing one of the humans’ legs to paw at. 

“I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to tell you about my babies.” 

“Awe they’re so adorable! What are their names?” Y/N asked as she squatted down to pet the overly excited dog in front of her. 

“This is Bandit.” He lifted up and held the dog that stood at his feet. “And that’s Irwin you’ve got right there.” 

Y/N proceeded to introduce herself to his pet and allowed it to give her a couple of kisses before standing back up. Jeffrey took note of how well she handled being around his excitable pets and how much they enjoyed being around her as well. The two then continued down his lengthy hallway, the smell of food growing stronger as they made their way into the kitchen.

"God, that smells amazing! You didn't tell me you were actually going to cook. I thought you might've ordered takeout or something." Y/N went straight for the sink to thoroughly wash her hands, Jeffrey following behind her as he lowered his dog back onto the wooden floor.

"Suprise, suprise!" His voice was cheerful as he took his turn at the sink. "It's already done, I put it on the table and everything." He finished washing his hands and guided Y/N over to the dining room next to them. He had a long, rectangular dining room table made of marble. On it were two plates of a meal that the two of them mutually enjoyed, along with two stemmed glasses of white wine. The effort and the time he spent putting this together did not go unrecognized by Y/N, referring to him as a true gentleman that knows how to treat a lady.

The two sat across from each other and began to enjoy their delicious meal. They had a detailed conversation about his memories of playing Negan and the on set shenanigans, especially with his good friend Norman Reedus. Y/N didn’t have nearly as many interesting personal stories to share, but Jeffrey listened intently regardless. She particularly loved the way he looked at her whenever she was speaking, like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Although they had finished having dinner, they continued to talk while sitting at the table.

“Perfect.” He muttered, keeping his gaze on her as she told a story about a funny moment she had at work. She cut her story short, not quite hearing what he had said.

“What did you say?” She asked. 

“I said you’re perfect. Everything about you. You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now.” Jeffrey’s voice was deep and sultry, sending chills down Y/N’s spine as she finished her glass of wine. She didn’t have time to respond before Jeffrey got up out of his chair and made his way over to her on the other side of the table. He stood behind her and gently placed his large hands onto her shoulders, leaning down to whisper into her ear. 

 “Come with me. I want to show you something.” His seductive tone combined with the grip he had on her shoulders was a lot for Y/N to bear at the moment. She could feel a buzz coming on from the wine she drank, along with the growing arousal in between her thighs. He took his hands off of her and allowed his lips to brush against her ear as he stood straight up, stepping back from his date’s chair. With no hesitation, she stood up and took his hand as they made their way out of the dining room and into the movie theater he had built inside his home.

She gasped at the sight of the massive screen surrounded by an extra-long sofa that extended from one side of the room to the other. After listening to how much she loves watching films and tv shows, he knew that this room would be her favorite room of them all. He brought her over to the sofa, and they sat down next to each other, leaving a small space in between them. Y/N started lightly bouncing on the sofa with the intent to further entice the man beside her.

"Hmm comfy. Good for...a lot of things." Y/N's flirtatious behavior was definitely working at this point as Jeffrey's lips slowly curled up into a sinful smile.

"A lot of things like what exactly? Could you be more specific?" He placed a hand on her thigh, being covered by her dress, slowly rubbing it with his thumb.

Without a second thought, Y/N grabbed his hand and slid it underneath her dress, allowing his fingers to travel up the bare skin of her thigh. He exhaled deeply, taking in the feeling of her warm and delicate skin all the way up to the dampened cloth covering her warmth. Jeffrey used his free hand to adjust the protruding bulge in his pants, leaning in so close to her face that their noses were touching. She didn't say a word, allowing her unstable breathing to speak for itself.

"Tell me you want this." He whispered.

"I want this." She cooed, granting him permission to press his lips onto hers. From there, the two lovers were entangled with one another on the massive sofa with nothing but the sounds of their acts of pleasure.

#jeffrey dean morgan x reader #jeffrey dean morgan fanfiction #jeffreydeanmorgan #jeffrey dean morgan #jdm

[liaaacantwrite]

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

Jonathan Byers x Reader (Explicit)

Summary: Jonathan really tried to keep his feelings to himself, but he’s almost reached his limit. Especially when Steve starts interfering.

warning! this fic contains pining, best friends to lovers, jealousy, very emotional sexual situations, 2 virgins going at it, oral (m and f receiving) and sub jonathan. also, this is set between season 2 and 3 but they’re both 18! :)

•••

The road had too many fucking potholes.

Jonathan tried his best to avoid them as his best friend, (Y/N), slept in the passenger seat of his car. It wasn’t easy, since the town of Hawkins clearly didn’t care about road maintenance, at least on this side of town.

“Jonathan?” She stirred in her sleep, slowing opening her eyes as she adjusted to the sunlight filling the car.

“Good morning,” he glanced over at her as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “You were out like a light.”

They’d been driving for awhile at that point, returning from a daytrip to Indianapolis to fill Jonathan’s photography portfolio. He’d snapped a few images of her, as well, and even taught her how to use the camera in order to take some shots of him.

“We walked around the city for like four hours, I was exhausted.”

“Yeah, okay. Still had to drive in silence for like two hours.”

“Literally no one made you do that.”

He didn’t have a rebuttal, so he just kept driving. She turned on his car stereo and Blondie quietly filled the car. It was music that she had gotten him into a few years ago. She hummed along to the song and he smiled to himself.

He really wasn’t sure when he’d started having feelings for his best friend. If he absolutely had to decide on a moment, it was when they were 10. She had come over, like she did almost everyday, and hung out with him and Will while Joyce was at work. They were watching some cartoon Will had picked out when she turned to Jonathan, put her hands on his face, and stared deeply into his eyes.

“I need you to promise me something.” She looked deadly serious.

“Yeah?” He pulled her hands off of his face.

“When we go into middle school next year, you can’t abandon me for anyone else. Ever.” Her eyes were misty, as this was something she’d clearly been worrying about. Her older sister had confided in her that once middle school starts, friends change and grow apart. She’s absolutely die if that happened between her and Jonathan.

“I would never do that!” He seemed almost offended at the notion.

“Promise me?”

She held out her pinky, her nails painted green. He didn’t even think as he wrapped his pinky around hers, never even doubting for a second that they would be best friends forever.

“I promise.”

Looking back, he realized that it was her fear of losing one another, a fear he also shared, that made him really begin to crush on her. He’d kept his secret for 8 years now, and he was not about to blow it anytime soon. He’d rather be with her as just friends than risk losing her completely.

“Are you hungry?” She pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” He actually wasn’t that hungry, but she wouldn’t have been asking if she wasn’t, so he decided he’d eat anyway.

“Pizza?” It was their go-to food, honestly.

“It’s like you read my mind.”

•••

Jonathan picked her up every single morning on the way to school. It brightened his morning to see her stumbling out of her house, still sleepy. He loved getting to spend extra time with her, and he would do pretty much anything for it.

One of Jonathan’s absolute favorite things about his best friend was how well she got along with Will. The three of them had grown up together, and so Will had honestly viewed her like an older sister. He’d come to her for advice pretty often, and sometimes they would hang out just the two of them. She even got along amazingly with Joyce!

“I’m just saying, you should really try it.” Will had been begging her to try playing D&D, his latest campaign needing one more party member. Max had downright refused, saying she didn’t ‘care about that nerdy shit.’

“Will, I would, but I’ve got so much schoolwork lately it’s ridiculous.” She’d joined one too many AP classes that year and was really suffering for it.

“Fine. Dustin said he would try to get Steve to join, anyway.” Will sat back in his seat, accepting her answer.

Steve was a hot topic between (Y/N) and Jonathan. She’d had a crush on the boy with amazing hair a few years prior, which had crushed Jonathan. He couldn’t help getting annoyed every time Steve was brought up, but he always made up excuses like ‘he’s just an asshole’ or ‘that guy? I bet he spends more time on his hair than he lasts in bed.’ Her crush had actually cooled down for a bit while he dated Nancy Wheeler, a good friend of hers, but ramped right back up when they split.

“Where are you guys having this campaign?” Jonathan really hoped Will would say anywhere but the Byers house.

“Our house. First part is today!”

Shit. She came over everyday to study in Jonathan’s room (and to hang out, too) so she was bound to see Steve.

Jonathan pulled in front of Hawkins Middle School, letting Will out. No one really liked for him to ride his bike anywhere after the events with Hawkins Lab.

“Be smart!” Jonathan called.

“Make good choices!” (Y/N) waved.

It was a little tradition they had with the younger Byers. They’d said it everyday when the dropped him off, much to his chagrin.

“Ugh!” He walked away.

Jonathan drove off, his mind racing with possibilities of (Y/N) and Steve together. Would he kiss her the way Jonathan wanted to? With one hand wrapped securely around her waist, the other entangled in her hair? Or would Steve have ways he hadn’t even considered?

“What’s bothering you?” Again, she pulled him out of his thoughts. He reminded himself that she was in his car right now, not Steve’s.

“Worried about that physics test.” He quickly lied. He actually was pretty worried about it, though.

“I’ll let you copy off me if you give me the English homework.” She smiled as he parked in the high school parking lot.

“Deal.” He smiled back at her. She always had a way of making him feel better.

But even as they walked through the halls, he kept thinking about Steve coming over that night. He tried to think of ways he could tell her not to come over. He couldn’t say he was feeling sick, as they were literally together all morning. He couldn’t say he didn’t want her to, as she’d see right through that. He just had to hope that Dustin wasn’t as good at convincing as Will hoped.

“—which is absolutely crazy, right? Jonathan?” He tuned back in, catching the end of what she was saying.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay today?” She put her hand to his forehead, butterflies filling his stomach.

“Didn’t sleep well last night.”

“I could stay over if you want. You know my mom’s okay with it.”

Another perk of being best friends literally their entire lives—sleepovers were a regular thing. As weird as he felt about it, Jonathan liked seeing her in her pajamas, seeing her in a way no one else did. He liked having her all to himself.

He really had an issue now. She would be so suspicious if he turned down a sleepover since he’d never done that before. In fact, he was usually the one suggesting them.

“Sure, yeah. I’m gonna head off to class.” He awkwardly mumbled, shooting off in the other direction.

She stared after him, wondering what his problem was. Anxiously, she bit her lip as she ran through all the possible things in her head, walking to her class. Maybe Joyce was nagging him about his grades? But that wasn’t very likely, as Joyce didn’t care about shit like that. Was he being bullied again? He would have told her, she hoped. (Y/N) froze, her thoughts coming to a complete stop.

What if he realized she was in love with him?

That would explain why he was so awkward with her today. God! She felt her stomach tie up in knots at the thought. There was no way, she’d been so careful. She’d been distracting herself with Steve Harrington, for fuck’s sake. After all, it was much easier to pine after someone she barely knew than face rejection from her lifelong best friend.

She tried to ignore those thoughts as she went through her classes, her anxiety building as lunch approached.

Jonathan was annoyed as he walked into the cafeteria. Steve had approached him in the hall just before to make sure it was okay that he was playing with the kids and if they would like him to bring pizza. It was even more frustrating that Steve was actually a pretty cool guy.

He made his way over to (Y/N), who sat reading a book. Taking a second to admire her before he sat, he really started to get nauseous at the thought of her and Steve.

‘Maybe he could actually treat her well. Maybe she deserves someone better than me.’ He thought as he slid into the seat across from her.

They didn’t speak as they both read, sharing large a bag of potato chips. It had been that way for years, a daily tradition they wouldn’t dream of breaking. There was just something so intimate in the silence, the comfort of it all.

Jonathan wouldn’t trade moments like these for all the money in the world.

•••

Steve was annoyingly on time with 5 pizzas. Cheese, pepperoni, supreme, meat lovers, and veggie. He was also frustratingly considerate, not really knowing who ate what.

Lucas, Will, Mike, and Dustin, along with Max and Eleven, who just wanted to watch, all sat sprawled across the Byers’ living room floor. The table was all set for the campaign, but being kids, they were all starving.

Jonathan and (Y/N) were studying in his room when Max came knocking.

“Harrington’s here with pizza!” She spoke through the door.

“Thanks!” (Y/N) called, closing her textbook.

Jonathan stayed still. He really didn’t feel like watching the love of his life fawn over someone he thought was so much better than him. He couldn’t help but compare himself to Steve. Harrington was taller, richer, conventionally more attractive, more athletic. He was more popular, and definitely more experienced when it came to women. Jonathan felt as though he was less than Steve in every aspect.

“Come on, Jon.” She pulled his arm, straining to lift him off the bed. “I’m hungry.”

“Ugh.” He groaned as he stood up. “Let’s eat in here.”

“I want to talk to the kids for a bit.” She walked out of the room.

When she entered the living room, Mike and Eleven were practically sitting on top of each other on the couch. Max and Lucas were sitting at the kitchen table, laughing and making jokes with Will. Dustin sat eating on the floor with Steve.

“(Y/N)!” Dustin smiled, pointing to the pizza. “Take your pick.”

She walked over to the boxes, taking two of the untouched veggie slices.

“Perks of liking your vegetables? You get a whole pizza to yourself.” She smiled as she sat on the floor with Dustin and Steve.

“I don’t know how you eat that crap.” Dustin scoffed.

“Compared to your meat monstrosity? I feel sorry for your toilet.” She laughed and he threw a piece of sausage at her.

All the kids looked up to the cool older girl that made an effort to spend time with them and understand them. She’d had special moments with each kid, but mostly Will and Lucas.

“I don’t know, I’ve always been a plain cheese guy.” Steve spoke up, finally. He’d been a little nervous.

Truth be told, he was kind of into (Y/N). She’d saved his ass from the demodogs a few months prior and he just hasn’t been able to look at her the same. Especially now that he and Nancy had broken up.

“Because you’re boring.” Dustin had become a lot more snarky lately.

“Rude! Just because he’s boring doesn’t mean you have to say it.” She teased, knocking her knee against Steve’s.

He ran his hand through his hair, practically preening for her attention.

It made Jonathan, who was watching from the kitchen table, sick to his stomach.

“Are you ever gonna make a move, man?” Lucas rolled his eyes at his best friend’s older brother.

“What are you talking about?” Jonathan looked absolutely perplexed.

“Come on, Byers. You’re so obvious it’s making me nauseous.” Max groaned as she put her pizza slice down, dramatically crossing her arms.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He shook his head at the trio of annoyed children.

“Your crush on (Y/N).” Will quietly spoke.

Jonathan shushed him anyway.

“You guys are crazy.” He stood, retreating to his room.

He wondered if he was actually that obvious as he slumped back onto his headboard. Grabbing his history homework, he tried to immerse himself in the assignment.

After about 10 minutes, (Y/N) entered his room.

“Hope you didn’t miss me too much” She grinned as she flopped on her stomach next to him on the bed.

“I almost died waiting for you.” He not-so-sarcastically replied.

“I’m here now. What’s going on in that big dumb head of yours?” She stared at him, head propped up by her palms.

“Nothing. Why do you keep asking me that today?” He shyer away under her gaze.

“Because you’re acting all weird. I’m allowed to be concerned about you.”

“Stop. I’m fine.” He didn’t look up from his homework.

She grabbed it from his lap, placing the paper on the floor.

“Jonathan. Talk to me.” She looked at him sternly.

He sighed, putting his head in his hands. She really was persistent.

“I wish you would just drop it.” His voice was muffled.

“Well, tough shit, Byers. I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me.”

He peeked out from behind his hands. Her eyes poured into his, full of concern. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Can you just drop it? I’ll tell you when everyone leaves, okay?” That would give him enough time to come up with something, right?

“Fine, but the second that door closes, you’re gonna spill.” She smiled and rolled onto her back, closing her eyes.

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

•••

(Y/N) had wandered into the kitchen a while later, fetching a glass of water, when Steve popped up behind her.

“Hey, there.” He smiled, slightly posing with his hands on his hips.

“Hey. How’s the campaign going?” She took a sip from her glass.

“Well, I made a character and Will explained the basics of the game. That took like, an hour and a half. And now we’re setting up the actual world. That took another half an hour. So, pretty great?” He looked so confused, but he was really trying for these kids.

“I’m sure they really appreciate you trying, Steve. I know I certainly do.” She smiled ever so softly at him, the small action giving him heart palpitations.

“Listen, you need a ride home? I can take you. Maybe stop for a sundae or something?” He looked hopeful.

“Sorry, I’m staying the night. I really appreciate your offer, though!” She turned and walked out of the kitchen, feeling slightly guilty.

Steve Harrington had just asked her out and she turned him down.

She stepped into the bathroom, heart beating fast. As she stared at her reflection, she had a few realizations.

1) She would never be able to go out with someone while she had such strong feelings for Jonathan.

2) If Jonathan truly didn’t like her, she needed to get over him and put herself out there, and who could be better than Steve?

3) She needed to find out Jonathan’s feelings. Tonight.

She gently splashed some water in her face and tried to muster up some confidence as she concocted a plan. She’d listen to what was bothering Jonathan so terribly and then confess to her own bothersome issue. He’d be so willing to help, and she’d say outright ‘I’ve developed romantic feelings for you and I need to know if you feel the same.’

Easier said than done.

•••

Dread filled the older Byers boy as the kids all filed out of the house. Steve had decided to drive them all home since it was so late and it had begun raining, and they could come fetch their bikes later. Even annoyed with him, Jonathan had to admit Steve was pretty cool.

“Go to bed, dork.” (Y/N) was talking to Will, who was trying to help her clean up all of the pizza. “I’ve got this.”

“Okay. Goodnight, guys.” Will yawned as he wandered into the bathroom.

“What time is Joyce getting home?” She placed the pizza into tupperware, discarding the boxes into the trash.

“I think she’s working a double, so probably around 3AM?”

She nodded and he began helping her clean up after the kids. Soda cans, napkins, and paper plates were cleaned up slowly, Jonathan trying to extend the time as much as possible.

He still hasn’t come up with a good enough excuse.

“I’m going to change and then I want to hear all about what’s bothering you.” She walked past, heading into his room.

He had a drawer of her clothes, and she had one of his at her house. They were so entangled in each other’s lives that she began to second guess her plan. What would she do everyday without Jonathan? He drove her to school, drove her home, sat with her at lunch, stayed up all night talking to her. He was such a major part of her life that she really couldn’t picture what life would be like without him.

She pulled on her pajamas, some old sweatpants and a t-shirt, and opened the door. Jonathan was standing on the other side.

They followed their usual sleepover routine, him closing the door and changing while she went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She stared at her reflection again, scrutinizing her appearance. She was typically so confident, but so close to making a life-altering confession, she felt so undeserving of the love she was about to beg for.

‘Get it together!’ She internally battled with herself. ‘This is Jonathan you’re worried about. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.’

She took a few deep breaths, tucked her hair into a slightly more suitable fashion, and walked out of the bathroom.

“Okay, Jon. Spill.” She closed his bedroom door behind her, moving to sit on the bed next to him.

He hadn’t been this anxious in a while. Everything had paled in comparison to Will going missing, and while this wasn’t nearly as encompassing as that had been, he was still on the verge of a life-changing moment.

He had finally decided on just being honest. He couldn’t lie to her, and honestly he was dying to tell her his big secret anyway.

“Look, it’s embarrassing.” He tried one last time to get her to stop.

“More embarrassing than the time you pissed yourself in my bed?”

He blushed at the memory. He’d been around 8 at the time and he was dealing with a lot of nightmares about his father. Unfortunately, one was just so terrible that it caused him to have an accident in her bed.

“Oh, god. Stop bringing that up.” He covered his face with his hands in shame.

She grabbed his wrists, gently pulling them away from the face she adored so much.

“You can tell me, Jonathan. There’s absolutely nothing you could tell me that I wouldn’t accept you for.”

He took a deep breath, steeling himself as he made eye contact with her.

Memories of their years together flashed through his mind. Swimming at the local pool together, going to the movies with Will, sharing an ice cream cone when they could only afford one, dancing along to Blondie in the car, countless nights in each other’s rooms, holding each other as they cried when they believed Will was dead, and fighting literal monsters from another dimension.

They’d been together through everything.

“I don’t know how to say it, but just let me talk and don’t interrupt me, okay?” He avoided eye contact, opting instead to stare at his lap.

She nodded, signaling for him to go on.

“I really like you. And obviously you know that, you’re my best friend in the entire world, but it’s more than that. I like you, and it’s for a million reasons. It’s the way you’re always there for me, even in the worst moments of my life. It’s the way you just understand me, and how I never have to explain myself around you. The way you snore, even though you swear you don’t, and it keeps me up at night but I don’t even mind because it’s you who’s doing it. It’s the way you laugh, and how I can be having the worst day, but you make me laugh, too. It’s how you laugh at your own jokes harder than anyone else does, even when they aren’t that funny. How you’re so unbelievably smart and kind and interesting. It’s not just because I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and it’s not just because I’ve known you since kindergarten. I’m not saying this because I expect you to like me back or whatever, this has just been building for so long, and I think I might have exploded if I didn’t say something.”

The silence that followed was earth-shatteringly loud. His thoughts ran a million miles a minute as he waited for her response, too anxious to risk glancing up at her.

If he had, he would have seen the tears looking in her eyes and the saccharine grin on her face as she tried to think of a response as poetic and sweet as the confession he just gave her.

“Jonathan—”

“Don’t feel like you have to say it back. I was just—”

“Jonathan.”

He finally, finally looked up at her, and he saw the pure joy etched onto her face.

“I really like you, too.” She grabbed his hand and he felt relief flood his veins.

“No way. You’re not fucking with me?” He couldn’t help but doubt her, as this would be the best thing to happen in his life if she was serious.

“Not at all. Can I ask you a question, though?” She inched slightly closer to him.

“Anything in the entire world.”

“How long?”

“Since we were 10.”

Nothing on the planet could have wiped the smile off her face. A demogorgon could walk in at that exact moment and she would tell it that her best friend was in love with her.

“You win. I think I was like 14 when I realized. You started keeping pads in your locker just for me and I knew that no one else would ever compare.”

He felt like he was floating. He honestly hadn’t expected things to work out in his favor. A large part of him had figured she would demand to be driven home and never want to speak to him again.

“Can I ask you one more question?” She looked down now, seemingly shy.

“Of course.”

“Can I kiss you?” She looked into his eyes now, a glint of something he had never seen before lurking.

He nodded eagerly, his hands coming to rest on either side of her face as she mirrored his actions.

They leaned in synchronously and if Jonathan thought he was overjoyed before, his heart almost burst as their lips met. Soft, tender, and eager, their kiss was passionately sweet. It was years of love finally coming to fruition, both lovers tasting like toothpaste. She slid one of her hands into the hair just above his neck and his mind went completely blank.

Although he could feel his need for air growing, he didn’t want to part from her mouth for even a second. Luckily, she valued air slightly more than Jonathan’s lips and pulled apart for the both of them.

“Is this a weird time to ask if you want to be my girlfriend?” He let out a soft laugh as she shook her head.

“Not weird at all. I was just about to ask you the same thing.” She played with his hair, running her fingers through the strands as their foreheads rested against each other.

“If I wanna be your girlfriend?”

She giggled and nodded.

“This is not how I pictured this night going.” She leaned back in to kiss her new boyfriend.

The angled was slightly awkward, his legs hanging off the side of his bed as she sat cross legged facing him, so she moved to straddle his lap. He gasped at the new position they were kissing in, something he hadn’t expected in the least.

“Is this okay?” She asked, concerned she had crossed a boundary.

“More than okay. God, this is like a dream come true.”

He softly pulled her face back to his and kissed her cheek, beginning a trail down her jaw. One arm wrapped firmly around her waist and he settled in a malleable spot on her neck, kissing and lightly sucking as her mouth hung open above him. She whimpered slightly, only egging him on.

“Jonathan!” She moaned, arching her back into his touch.

He’d never heard something as beautiful as the way she said his name, her voice full of need.

As he moved back to kiss her mouth, neither of them could really say how long they’d been making out for. The storm raged on outside as they continued to explore this new element of each other.

Spurred on by lust, (Y/N) gently rocked her hips against Jonathan’s, the untold amount of kissing igniting primal reactions.

He stilled, growing hard and embarrassed as she pulled away from his mouth.

“Sorry! I don’t know why I did that.” She rested her head in the crook of his neck.

“No, no. It’s fine, just…unexpected.” He ran the hand that wasn’t holding her pressed to him through her hair now. “It was pretty hot.”

Her cheeks grew hot as she took in what he said. Hot? She could definitely work with that.

Bringing her face back to his, she paused just before connecting their lips. Rolling her hips once more, she relished in the soft groan Jonathan let out.

“I like that sound.”

She pressed her lips to his, continuing the movement of her pelvis against his. He could feel himself growing harder at each rock, the pleasure shooting through him. He’d never felt anything down there besides his own hand, so this was completely new to him.

“(Y/N), please.” He wasn’t sure what he was pleading for, but he just felt so damn good under her that he would take anything she gave him.

She grinned into their heated kiss, pushing him onto his back as she continued to grind into him.

They stayed like this for awhile until Jonathan ever so gently pulled away.

“Jonathan, I really want to fuck you right now.”

He could’ve sworn he heard her wrong. He was already lucky enough, kissing her and finally being her boyfriend after all these years. Now she wanted to have sex? With him?

“Is that okay?” She was anxious that she’d crossed a line now, that he wouldn’t want her anymore.

“Is that…yeah. Yeah, I want to fuck you too.” The words were choked out, his head spinning.

“Okay. That’s gonna be tricky with all these clothes on.”

She reached down to the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off as he sat up slightly to assist her. This was the first time she felt she could really admire him shirtless as he laid bare in front of her.

Jonathan had always felt like he was way too scrawny. He’d shied away from the mirror every time he found himself in front of it, but here? Now? With her looking at his chest like that, with so much love and lust in her eyes, he felt beautiful.

He shyly placed his fingers just under the hemline of her shirt, not daring to actually take it off. She giggled at this, and actually removed the shirt.

Since she was planning on going to sleep, she obviously hadn’t been wearing a bra. Jonathan’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as he realized her breasts were right there, fully exposed to him.

“Holy shit.” He breathed, admiring them.

“You can touch me.” She smiled, grabbing his hand and bringing it to her chest.

He might have sound a bit perverted, but he had been dreaming about this moment since he first started having sexual feelings. He massaged her gently, the flesh between his fingers much softer than he had ever imagined.

In an act of boldness that he didn’t know he possessed, he sat up, using this new angle to latch onto her nipple. She gasped, both out of shock and arousal, and ran her fingers through his hair.

Emboldened by her sounds, he brought his hand to her other nipple and began to play with it, the action slightly clumsy but overall pleasant. She moaned above him and reached down to undo the tie on his sweatpants.

“Off.” She ordered, causing him to lift his hips as she pulled them off of him.

She noticed how his dick strained against his boxers, a small stain of his arousal forming. It just turned her on more as she stood to slide her own pants off.

He took this moment to admire her naked, something he had never seen before. The curve of her hips, the round of her stomach, the indent of her waist, the stretch marks that expanded all over. He’d never seen anyone so beautiful.

“Jesus, (Y/N). You’re the most gorgeous girl in the entire world.”

She grew more confident with his words, twirling around for him. He felt like the luckiest guy in history to be here with her in this moment.

She crawled back over him, grinning when his hands flew down to the swell of her ass.

“Do you have a condom?” She cocked her head to the side.

He immediately groaned in shame, knowing he didn’t have one, as he’d never needed one before this very moment.

“No.” He began to detach himself from her until she shook her head and moved his hands back to where they were.

“There’s stuff other than penetrative sex, y’know.”

He nodded, bringing her mouth back to his. Even with the prospect of oral sex looming, he just wanted to kiss her until his lips hurt. Even then, he’d probably still want more.

She sat on top of him, straddling his hips in nothing but her underwear. Warmth radiated from both of them as she pulled away from the kiss to look into his eyes.

“Can I just say that this might be the happiest I’ve ever been?” She placed a loud, comical kiss on his cheek.

“I know for a fact that this is the best moment of my life.” He was breathless as he held her tighter.

“I know a way to make it better.”

His feet were still planted on the floor as he sat horizontally on his bed. This position made it much easier for her to slide onto the floor between his legs, her hands coming to rest on his thighs.

“What are you doing?” He sat up halfway, resting his weight on his elbows.

“Showing you my appreciation.”

A soft, surprised exhale left his lips as she kissed him over his underwear. It was a foreign sensation that he never knew he needed so badly.

“Appreciation for what?”

The mischievous smile she wore faded slightly as she began to look very serious.

“Always being there for me. Loving me for all these years, caring about me. I never figured you’d care for me like this,” she rubbed her hand slowly over his dick, making him close his eyes in pleasure. “And now that I know it’s mutual, I wanna treat you right.”

He just nodded, her hand still moving. He wished he could have some sweet reply, but her hand just felt so good that it was all he could register. She brought her fingers to the elastic band of his underwear and leisurely brought the fabric down.

“You’ve been hiding this from me for years?!” Her eyes widened at the sight of him, much larger than she had anticipated.

He was confused. He didn’t think he was really that big, honestly. He’s definitely seen bigger in the boy’s locker rooms at school, but hearing her reaction really stroked his minuscule ego.

(Y/N), on the other hand, was clenching her thighs together at the cock she now held in her hand. It was a little above average but she’d never seen one in person anyway, and it certainly looked like it would still hurt going in. She brought her mouth to it, placing a soft kiss to the pink tip, and began swirling her tongue around as she placed him in her mouth. He groaned again as she began to bob her head, sucking slightly.

He tasted salty as she continued and he couldn’t believe how amazing her mouth felt. Her mouth, that constantly called him a dumbass, was enveloped around him. His dick was hitting the back of her throat.

She was fucking blowing him.

“Oh, god, (Y/N).” If just her mouth felt this good, would he actually ascend to heaven when he fucked her?

“So pretty.” His hands gripped the comforter below him and he tried to keep his eyes open, tried to cement the sight of her on her knees for him to memory.

She kept moving her head, sucking and licking, while her hand worked to please him when she couldn’t reach the base of his cock.

“I’m really close.” He murmured, voice dripping with lust. He was practically whining.

“Come in my mouth.” She pulled off of him for a moment to speak, and then continued pleasing him.

Just the thought of her swallowing his seed, the lewdness of it all combined with the fact that the love of his life was giving him a mind blowing blowjob, sent him over the edge. He clapped a hand over his mouth as he came, stifling his moans as she swallowed around him.

As she clambered back onto the bed, Jonathan tried to remember the article he’d seen a few years ago about giving a woman head. He could remember a few key points, like focusing in the clitoris and how to find the g-spot, but there was so real explanation of how to ask.

“(Y/N), I really want to…uh…” He felt so stupid as he pulled at the band of her underwear.

“You tired?”

“No, I want to…eat you.”

“Eat me?!”

“Eat you out!”

Her already soaked underwear stood no chance now as she laid back on his bed, on her best friend’s boyfriend’s bed and spread her legs. He settled himself between them and kissed the inside of her thigh as she ran her fingers through his hair again.

“You ever done any of this before?” She looked down at him, already knowing the answer.

“You were my first kiss tonight.” He blushed as he buried himself in the crease where her pelvis met her leg.

“Oh, god. That’s really hot.”

Fingers coming to wrap around the fabric, he readied himself to actually see her most vulnerable parts. This was a hard line they were crossing and he couldn’t be happier.

Thunder rumbled loudly as he pressed a tentative, unsure kiss to her core. She giggled and he used his fingers to spread her labia as he looked for the little bundle of nerves that was soon to become his buddy. Finding it, he used his thumb and began to rub circles around it, knowing he succeeded as she squirmed under him in pleasure.

“That feels good.” She usually just played with herself, as no one had ever gone down on her before. It was a lot better when someone else was doing it.

He continued his movements, licking a stripe up her love box and truly beginning to eat her out. He was pretty eager for his first time, literally tongue fucking her as his thumb continued it’s grueling pattern of circles on her clit. Her hips rolled against his face, slightly skewing his rhythm, so he wrapped his arms around her thighs, pulling her legs onto his shoulders. This leverage really worked for him, his tongue travelling deeper as she melted into a puddle under him.

Her hands never left his hair, pulling wildly as she crumbled underneath him. She tried to keep quiet, as Will was sleeping in the next room, but Jonathan felt so good that she had to bite her lip to keep it down. Looking down at her new lover, she couldn’t hold back the moan that left her lips when he looked into her eyes.

“Jonathan, I’m really close.” She whispered, her voice absolutely sinful.

“Come in my mouth.” He repeated back to her, speeding up his thumb.

She had to pull one of his pillows over her face as she came, unable to keep quiet from the pure pleasure he’d given her. They were both lightheaded as he pulled away from her legs, climbing up to cuddle her.

“I know you have to go pee so you don’t get a UTI, but can I just hold you for a minute?” He wrapped an arm around her waist, still shocked at the entire night.

“Yeah. This was really fucking fun, by the way.” She turned to face him, her hands on his cheeks.

“We should do this more often.” He placed a sweet and quick kiss on the tip of her nose.

“Okay. But I really have to piss, Byers.”

He watched as she pulled on his pajamas and left the room.

•••

The next morning, Joyce woke up to the usual routine. Jonathan cooking breakfast while Will and (Y/N) sat at the breakfast table doing some last minute homework.

“You guys, I can’t find my keys.” She was bustling around the house looking for them when (Y/N) held them out in her hand.

“They were in the pantry.” She smiled at Joyce, who just hugged her in return.

“Are those Jonathan’s pajamas?” She pulled away and looked between the two nervous seniors.

“Uh, yes. They are.” She nodded nervously.

“We’re together now, Mom.” Jonathan turned away from the stove to look at his mother.

“About time! I was wondering how many night shifts I needed to work before you guys talked about your feelings.” She laughed and kissed Will’s head as she left for work.

The three of them looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Jonathan couldn’t have been luckier.

#jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers #stranger things fanfic #stranger things #charlie heaton #jonathan byers smut

[the-traveling-poet]

hullo!!! i just wanted to say i really enjoy your writing and i was wondering if you'd be so gracious as to write a levi x nonbinary reader, in which the reader is asexual and gets overwhelmed by physical touch so levi tries to comfort them. you can make it as angsty as you like

thank you so much in advance ε>

Ace

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You’d always stood out.

Never taking a partner, never seeking one. Out of spite to those who jeered your way, you refused to acknowledge them when they attempted to address you as ‘Ma’am” or “Sir”.

It didn’t matter that they didn’t, or rather wouldn’t, understand. Because at the end of the day, he understood. And he loved you all the same.

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Pairing: Levi x Asexual!NB!Reader

Warnings: language, bullying

taglist: @21aurora @deepzombieyouth @braunsbabe

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A/N: Oh my god anon this is a blessing of an ask like-

Being ace myself, i really appreciate this ask. Finding ace related content is a strUggle. I’ve only ever read ONE ace!reader x AOT fic before and I literally teared up. So in a way, writing this request was like actually writing MYSELF into a fic. And a Levi fic at that. Well, except I use she/her pronouns, and per your request this is non-binary, so I’ll do my best!

Since being ace is a different experience for everyone under the ace umbrella, I’m writing this from my own perspective on the matter(s), as this allows me to speak my truth :)

(N/N: Nick Name)

Hope you enjoy!

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All your life thus far, you couldn’t help but to feel disgusted by at least fifty percent of the people around you. Both as a teenager making your way through bootcamp away from your controlling home, and even after you’d joined the Survey Corps and surpassed the cadet rank to become a Captain despite the jeers.

One comment after another; “faker” “liar” “prude” “confused” and so many more followed you around like a dark cloud whenever you turned someone down from their advances. And many there had been.

You’d have loved nothing more than to retaliate and lash out at them about how they were wrong about you in the moment, but you’d learned long ago it was a waste of breath.

It was around the time you were promoted to Captain that you’d given up on any chance of finding anyone decent that would respect your boundaries, and kept to yourself and your duties. Sometimes, you’d even had to cut friends out of your personal life for trying to push and pull you into directions you weren’t comfortable going.

But it wasn’t until you’d been selected by Captain Levi to participate in his squad that you began to think maybe, maybe…another shot at friendships was okay.

Your Captain treated you with respect, despite your hesitance to open up in the beginning. With the experiences you’d had thus far, you weren’t all too keen on making another friend to let you down. And somehow, he seemed to completely understand that without either of you uttering a single word on the subject.

As time went on, you both grew closer as teammates, and the idea that you could find a real, valuable friend within the brutality that was the Survey Corps sparked into your mind once more.

Many a time you’d accompany him for tea late into the afternoon. Idle chitchat would follow, perhaps even a soft laugh or two as the candle between you two melted past the wick and melted in its tray.

It became a routine of sorts, checking in on one another throughout the day and sharing tea by night. These days, your steps were lighter. You mind, less bogged down with negativity. He was certainly the first thing you looked forward to when you awoke, and the final thought that soothed you to sleep every night.

This provoked a realization within you, with a feeling of both dread and excitement making your heart plummet to your stomach. Despite having never felt this deep of a connection with someone before, you’d known exactly what you then realized you felt.

Which led you to now, standing before the only other friend you had accompanying you through this mental struggle.

“Well if you like him, go tell him!” she encouraged, grinning ear to ear as she squeezed your hands in excitement.

Pulling back slightly, you internally cringed. She knew how you felt about physical contact, yet always brushed it off with a simple ‘that’s just who I am’. And at this point, with this being her only way of overstepping, you decided to just deal with it. She was really the only one who didn’t judge you otherwise, anyways.

“I-it’s not that simple…You know I don’t have a lot of experience admitting what I feel. And to someone I like? I don’t know how.” You sighed, once again letting your hands slip out from hers.

Her exasperated huff made you raise your eyes and take in her perplexed expression.

“Now how in the hell do you think you’re gonna pursue a relationship with that hunk of a man if you can’t even handle holding hands? Relationships are a lot more physical than that, N/N.”

Immediately you froze, trying to find the right words to say next. “You know how I feel about that. I’m not comfortable with any of…that.”

“Psh, you never are. So what’s the point of even liking anyone, anyways? Anyone can be polite and understanding, but everyone has needs yknow.” She chuckled, patting a hand onto your shoulder.

You started to tense up, feeling your breathing shallow out. Not only for touch she laid onto you, but for the words she spoke that sank your heart further into your chest. For so long you’d overlooked this one trait of hers; being touchy and clingy, and this is how she would repay your tolerance? By ending up on the same road as everyone else had with you?

Feeling your heart pound in your chest, you averted your gaze and scooted away. Maybe she was right…

“He’s nice to me. He’s never hinted at anything more than being my friend…And he certainly has never laid a hand on me; friendly or other.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” She scoffed, furrowing her brow and retracting her hand. “I’m just being honest. You told me yourself once; you prefer honesty over a sweet lie. Should I lie to you and say ‘Oh don’t worry N/N, this guy’s different than anyone else on earth. He’s got no human emotions or desires; your perfect match!’ ? Cause I won’t lie to you. That’s the truth.”

Taking another step back, you fought to keep control over your shaking. But little by little your composure was breaking away.

“That-that’s not true. Not wanting to be touched doesn’t equate to being emotionless or having no desire, innocent or other.”

“Oh so now you’re not “ace” or whatever it is? This asexual thing you explained to me means no desire or attraction!” She chuckled exasperatedly.

“That’s not how that works for everyone-“

“No. You. That’s not how it works for you. Because there’s no one else out there who thinks up this bullshit like you do. You can think whatever you want for yourself, that’s fine. Just don’t confuse it with the truth.” She cut you off, crossing her arms over her chest with a sigh.

“Listen, I’m just saying that, as a woman, you gotta expect these things, yknow?” She continued on, using a softer tone paired with a sympathetic smile.

“I don’t go by woman, or man. You know that,” You cried out in exasperation, hugging your arms tightly.

“And that! First with the contradicting ‘sexuality’ and always with the in between gender! You cant just stay in between these lables and expect to live a normal life anyone could understand!”

Tears brimmed your eyes as you watched her storm out of your dorm room with her last insult stinging your heart, and your wanted nothing more than to run and hind when you heard her continue to mutter to herself as she paced down the halls. Now left alone, you contemplated your choices.

She could be right about him; he could simply be someone who knew how to hide his intentions and you’d end up trapped in a situation your rather die than be in.

But…

Who were you to trust? The woman who never quite accepted your request for physical boundaries, or the man who had applauded you for keeping to yourself out of self-comfort?

The man who had been your comfort these past several months.

With your mind made up, you left your room in a hurry. Though your tears kept you from seeing exactly where it was you were stepping, you knew this rout by heart and could follow it blind.

A short moment that seemed to last forever with how hard your shoulders and sides shook and your heart pounded, you came at last to his door. Knocking quickly, you found it hard to find the patience to wait for his monotone voice to call out for your entry.

Pushing the door open quickly, you all but slammed it shut behind you with a stifled gasp. Immediately Levi’s gaze left the paperwork before him, shooting you a once over look of concern.

“The hell happened to you?” He muttered softly. While he might not be so soft with his words, his tone was never anything but gentle with you.

“M-my friend. She…She said…That I can’t do this-I can’t…” as you struggled for both your breath and train of thought to return, Levi stood from his desk and approached you slowly.

“Oi, you’re shaking like a damn leaf. Take a seat on the couch, I’ll get some tea for your nerves.”

He stood close, but didn’t try to reach out. Somehow, he always knew how to approach you, no matter the state you were in. Instead, he just stood beside you for a moment, letting you see he was only a pace away and listening. You could have cried from relief right then and there had his offer not reminded you why you were here.

“Yeah…Yeah, thanks,” you mumbled, shuffling over to his couch and plopping down in the corner seat. After a moment, he joined you with two cups of tea. He sat yours on the coffee table, then took a seat on the other side of the couch to observe you. After you’d downed a couple of sips from the warm mug, you sighed and closed your eyes.

It was now or never.

“So, your friend. Do you want to talk about it, or keep guzzling down the drink like a horse in their troft and rob me clean of tea?”

Nearly coughing over the chuckle you tried to suppress, you showed him a thankful smile.

“If you have the time, I’d like to get it off my chest.” You admitted, deciding to keep your eyes fixed on the mug in your hand rather than meet his inquisitive stare.

“I have the time. You think I poured us both cups if I didn’t?” He mused. To others it would have sounded like a scoff, but you knew him well enough to know he was only attempting to lighten your mood with crass humor.

“Well, I’ve told you before how she…oversteps my boundaries often.” You started slowly.

“And I’ve told you before you should kick her ass to the curb. You let one get away with it, and suddenly there’s a line of people demanding ‘their right.’ “

“Okay, firstly,” you chuckled, setting your tea down. “I have. She walked out, and I’m done entertaining her. Secondly, you’re one to talk. You let me get away with all kinds of things.”

“…That’s different,” he muttered from behind the rim of his cup, switching his gaze from your face to the window on the adjacent wall.

“Well, I uhm…She’s gone now. But, didn’t leave without a few harsh words. I’d hoped so hard she wouldn’t be like the rest, but in the end…A simple difference in preferences had her changing her attitude. I’ve always respected her decisions, I’ve always addressed her by she or her, and I’ve always respected how she feels about partners. But she can’t do the same for me? Because I’m not like her?”

You took in a deep breath, shuddering as you reached for your mug once more. Levi watched on in silence as you drank your fill and slowed your breathing, mulling over your words.

“Well, for starters, it’s a damn good thing you aren’t like her. She sees everything at face value; doesn’t dig deeper for any sense of meaning or value, and couldn’t even if she tried.”

You chanced a glance his way, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over yet again.

“She told me…She said that I can’t stay in between lables and expect to live a normal life anyone could understand. And maybe she’s right. Either way I’ll stay myself. But to think there might be some truth to what she said…”

“I’ll stop you right there. There isn’t.” He stated in a tone so sure and confident you nearly believed it yourself.

“Who gives a fuck if you’re a man or a woman? Or neither? Or both? Or what’s in your pants? Or whom you sleep with, and who you don’t. You don’t truly fall in love with one’s body or gender. Real love is seeing that person’s soul and understanding it. Learning with it, growing with it, healing with it, and all that other mushy shit.”

You took a moment to really absorb his words as your tears flowed freely now. You couldn’t be sure which emotion was running strongest through you at the moment; sadness, or relief?

“I…I never mentioned to love?” You whispered, chancing another glance his way.

With an expression similar to a child being caught in a wrongdoing, Levi’s eyes widened slightly and his lips were quick to close tightly.

“I…Just meant that, either way…Whom you love, whether they be a friend or a partner, shouldn’t be based on their preference of your identity.” He muttered softly, his eyes trained back on the cup in his hand. If you hadn’t known any better, you’d have sworn you saw the tips of his ears flush a slight pink hue. Then again, maybe you didn’t know any better just yet.

Again your heart stopped, but this time not out of grief or fear. Turning to the side so as to face him better, you brought your knees up to your chest and cradled your cup close to your chest.

“Well…Since you brought it up…” you swallowed nervously and cleared your throat. “That’s what I was talking about with her. As much as it scares me…And excites me…I think I’ve finally found that.”

“Found what?” Levi asked slowly, eventually meeting your gaze with curiosity.

“Love,” you replied softly, feeling your face heat up and your hand begin to shake once more.

“I was telling her…Maybe I’m ready to take that chance, now that I understand what I feel. She was telling me that…I have to expect that every guy has needs, and while that’s not something I’m comfortable exploring…Love is. Romance, and affection found through things other than touch.”

He listened to you intently, looking deeply into your eyes as if searching for a question he hadn’t yet asked. But of course, you knew it was there. Eventually his silence made you worry, and you tucked in on yourself a little tighter.

“M-maybe she’s right, that any guy would get tired of waiting for something that may or may never happen but…I’d like to think she’s not.”

“She’s not,” Levi finally murmured, never breaking eye contact with you from across the couch.

“Not everyone feels or acts that way. Some of us feel the same way you do.”

“ ‘Some of us’? “ You asked, your tone just as quiet as his. He only nodded, giving you all the answers you needed with a simple gesture.

“So then…you…” A crack in your voice halted your question as your throat seemed to dry out.

Could he really, truly understand?

“Never been interested, never cared. Not after everything I’d seen growing up.”

Normally he would have closed off more when the conversation drifted to his life down in the slums, but it seemed he truly wanted you to understand something now.

“The things I’ve seen, and heard…The things they forced my mother into doing for table scraps…It was a deterrent from something I didn’t want any part of to begin with.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to drag the conversation here-“ He cut you off with a shake of his hand.

“No, it’s fine. I want you to know I understand, in some way or another, that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. And that…I won’t ever judge you for any of it.”

Uncurling your legs and loosening the grip on your mug, you fully faced him with a warm smile.

“And neither will I, to you.” You promised him softly, wiping away the tears that had fallen down your cheeks.

He turned too, so that he could face you fully from across the furniture.

“So then…What you said about love?” He asked cautiously, and you could practically feel how he sank further back against the armrest.

“Yeah, I may have been talking with her about you,” with an embarrassed chuckle you drained your mug and set it back onto the table.

“If-if that isn’t something you were thinking about before I won’t-“

“Would I be gripping the armrest with worry for your response if I hadn’t? I didn’t just open up for nothing you know,” he muttered, averting his gaze once more. And this time, you were sure of the color that filled his cheeks.

Relief washed over you, filling you with the courage it took to scoot a little closer to his stiff figure. Looking back over to him from only a cushion away now, you smiled.

“In that case, would it be too much for me to admit I like you a little?”

“Only if it’s not too much for me to confess I return those feelings, Y/N.”

#lynn’s requests #lynn’s oneshots #asexual #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #snk #aot #aot x reader #aot fluff #aot x y/n #aot x you #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman x gn!reader #levi ackerman x asexual!reader #levi fluff #aot levi #levi x gn!reader #levi x you #levi x y/n #levi x reader #levi x asexual!reader #asexual!reader #aot x ​asexual!reader #snk x asexual!reader

[seriowan]

family ties - dad!hunter x mom!f!reader (AU)

main masterlist ao3

⭒ summary: Five years have passed since Crosshair's betrayal. Five years since Omega's last step on Kamino. Five years since the birth of your and Hunter's son. In these five years, the past was nothing more than a whisper. Forgotten history. A stain that lingered ever so faintly, but never acknowledged. Yet even you are aware that history never stays hidden for long. One way or another, the past would resurface and your son would know of it all. Until then, you and Hunter decided that while you had the power to choose, you would do what was best for your child... including the long overdue meeting with his outcasted uncle. ⭒ word count: 4,8k ⭒ pairing: dad!hunter x f!reader ⭒ cw/tw: angst, fluff, parenting/motherhood, talk about having more children, au - i know i said this is a dad!hunter fic (which it is) but all the batchers have scenes in this because i love them all ⭒ a/n: hunter is legit a dad(dy) so this was soooo easy to write; i will say that it is 3 a.m and while i was determined to finish it, i was also falling asleep at multiple points during this writing so be aware that there might be mistakes cause i don't beta read :) have fun reading!

Underneath the control panel in the cockpit of the Marauder, Tech wiped his grimy forehead with the back of his forearm before resuming the tedious crank of his wrench. His wrist ached, eyes burning from staring at the bolt that was less than an inch above his head. Everything smelled of metal, so much that Tech could even taste it. 

   When he worked alone, Tech often became dead to the outside world. He fell into his own bubble of concentration, blocking out any distractions that would hinder the efficiency of his task… until Koda came around. 

   Koda was only five but the older he grew, the more he presented himself as the not-exact-clone of his father. While he certainly had Hunter’s looks and long frizzy locks (which he refused to cut), Koda was half as much of you as he was his father - talkative, temperamental, and undeniably curious. 

   “Uncle Tech?” 

   “Yes, Koda?” 

   “What’s that?” 

   Tech had to crane his neck at an awkward angle to see the little boy in the pilot’s seat. Usually, Koda would have been sporting civvies that were too big for his small body, but today his mother dressed him in gray overalls and a red t-shirt. It was one of the few clothes that they bought to associate Koda with Clone Force 99, right alongside your own gear. 

   “What is what?” 

   Koda’s feet kicked back and forth as he pointed to the wrench in Tech’s hand. “That.” 

   “This is a wrench.” 

   “What’s it for?” 

   “Tightening nuts and bolts.” 

   “Why?” 

   “It is a tool that I frequently use for my repairs,” Tech prompted, turning his attention back to the panel. It took every ounce of self-control to refrain from using the correct jargon. Even so, Tech had a feeling that the young toddler was smarter than he led on. Since they were essentially sharing a percentage of identical DNA, there was some hope that Koda would end up an exceptional, intelligent pilot like his [favorite] uncle. 

   “Uncle Tech?” 

   “Yes, Koda?” 

   “Can I fly the Madara when I turn six?” The five-year-old pushed his hair away from his eyes and held up a single finger. “I turn six in one month.”

   “One year,” Tech said, though it came out as a grunt when the wrench wouldn’t budge. “Technically, eleven months and sixteen days. In standard time, of course.” 

   “I said that.” 

   Tech lowered his hand with a deep breath and wiped his face with his grease-stained palm, smudging it across his face. He slid out from underneath the control panel and sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. With his hands in his lap and his back as straight as a board, the little boy looked like a perfect angel. Tech could only narrow his eyes at the clear deception. 

   “If you memorize the specifications of the ship before you turn six, then I may let you copilot.” 

   Koda let out a whine. “That’s in so-o-o long.” 

   Tech rolled his eyes, hiding a small smile as he muttered, “I would argue it is not long enough.” 

   As he leaned back to resume working, Koda huffed a dramatic sigh and looked around the cockpit. He kicked his feet and played with his fingers in his lap, brown eyes flickering across the colorful buttons and bright blue flashes on the center control panel. He licked his lips as a thought began to develop; a thought that snowballed as Koda’s attention settled on the steering helm. 

   With a sneaky smile, he scooted to the edge of the too-big chair and wrapped his small hands around the sides of the helm. Sucking in a deep breath, Koda closed his eyes and began to fly the Marauder in his imagination, blowing raspberries to mimic the ship’s roaring engines. 

   Tech spared another glance and smiled, watching with the slightest look of fondness as Koda pressed various buttons and yanked the helm left and right. In the fluorescent lighting, with his hair down and scattered over his face, with his lips pulled back in the widest grin of childlike excitement, Koda looked so much like his father that Tech found himself sentimental over their childhood. They were once just as happy. Under different circumstances, of course, but he could vaguely remember Wrecker laughing like that when they were cadets. 

   It was a peculiar thought that he found himself pondering more and more as the months went by and Koda continued growing. He wondered how their pasts would have been, had they been raised like normal children. 

   Well, as normal as a clone could be. 

   But Koda was not a clone, and Tech believed that was what made his nephew particularly unique. Koda was only half clone. Only half of the DNA that made him identical to millions of others. The other half belonged to someone else entirely. He had your tenderness and empathy. Your kindness and affinity for helping others. He put bandaids on Echo’s prosthetics and showered Wrecker’s scars with kisses, but only after watching you gently kiss Hunter on the forehead when he was overwhelmed. Now, Koda looked like Hunter in fluorescent lights; like Wrecker whenever he laughed; like Echo when he pouted; like Crosshair when he glared; like Omega when he was too curious for his own good; and like Tech, full of joy and concentration when he flew. 

   Tech could only smile to himself as he resumed working. 

   Heavy footsteps echoed up the gangplank before Wrecker walked into the ship, turning his head left and right in search of something small. When he glanced toward the cockpit and saw Koda playing in the pilot’s seat, Wrecker’s face instantly brightened with a grin. “Hey, little guy!” 

   Koda forgot all about Tech and piloting the ship as he leaped out of the seat and sprinted right into his uncle’s open arms. He instinctively braced himself, shrieking with laughter as Wrecker tossed him up in the air and set him back down. 

   “Hi, Uncle Wrecker,” the boy grinned, reaching up to grasp a single finger with his small hand. “Can we play outside?” 

   Wrecker apologetically frowned as he crouched to a knee. He ruffled Koda’s long hair, muttering, “Can’t. Sorry kiddo, but your mom’s been lookin’ everywhere for ya’.” 

   Koda’s lip jutted in a pout, his gaze softening until he looked like a pleading pup. Wrecker groaned with guilt, cupping his hand over his eyes. “Don’t do that or I’ll end up sayin’ yes to everything and your mom and pop are gonna be mad at me.” 

   “But they can’t put you in time out.” 

   “Oh, yes they can,” Wrecker chuckled.

   Koda’s mouth fell open in shock. “But you’re too big!”

   “And you’re too small,” Wrecker growled, grabbing the boy by the back of his overalls to hoist him up in the air. Koda laughed the entire time as he was seated behind Wrecker’s head, legs hanging over his uncle’s shoulders. He placed both hands on Wrecker’s shiny head, stuck his nose up in the air, and dutifully cried out, “Spin, Uncle Wrecker, SPIN!” 

   When little Koda asked, Uncle Wrecker answered. How could he possibly say no to his nephew if he could hardly say no to Omega? They were the only two that could bend him to their will without even raising a pinky. Wrecker might have been the biggest, but he was certainly the softest when it came to the kids. 

   If only he had the energy for them. 

   It only took a few minutes of spinning and pretending to be a spaceship before Wrecker paused to catch his breath. Koda continued pretending to guide him, only pausing when he heard Omega’s voice coming from behind the ship. His eyes lit up as he craned his head to see her. “Is that Auntie Meg?” 

   Wrecker nodded and set out to find Omega. He walked around the ship, instinctively observing the forest around them. It wasn’t really a unanimous decision when they decided to land on Alderaan for repairs, but Tech assured them that the Empire wouldn’t bother looking for them on a planet that was so viciously protected by a previous senator of the Republic - and a devout one at that.

   You only allowed it because you didn’t want Koda to be in a faulty ship any longer than he already had to be. The trip back to Ord Mantell was long enough as is and the ship had taken some damage during its last mission. There was no time to fix the ship the last time they were planetside, so you did some persuading the moment the ship landed on solid ground. As always, your argument was won by a landslide against Tech’s meager, “The ship’s integrity is adequate enough to make it to Ord Mantell without any further complications.” 

   The moment you gave him a motherly glare, he sighed and got ready to work on the repairs.

   While Tech was inside the ship, buried underneath the control boards, Echo and Omega were outside to fix the few bumps and cracks in the Marauder’s underbelly. Omega stood by the ship with a flashlight in one hand and a long metal tool in the other, patiently waiting by the cybernetic legs that stuck out underneath the ship. Echo’s hand suddenly appeared, fingers curling as he said, “Spanner wrench.” 

   Omega placed the tool in his hand just as Wrecker and Koda approached. The sound of crunching branches and leaves caused her to turn her head. Whatever fatigue she felt from the labor suddenly faded, replaced by excitement as she cried out, “Buggy!”, and ran towards Koda with her hands raised. 

   Wrecker leaned over to let Koda slide right off of his shoulders and into his hands before resting him gently on the ground, only to be picked up moments later and placed on Omega’s hip. “Oh man,” she grimaced, struggling to adjust his place on her side. “You’re huge now, little bug. I think I’ll have to start calling you big bug from now on.”  

    Koda turned towards Wrecker with a smug expression, and Wrecker could only bark out a laugh when the boy mumbled, “Uncle Wrecker said I’m small. ”

   Omega rolled her eyes. “Uncle Wrecker likes to be mean sometimes.” 

   “Hey!” 

   Koda smiled as Echo rolled out from underneath the ship and stood. He wiped his hand free of grease with a nearby rag before playfully pinching Koda’s cherry-red cheek, greeting him with a warm, “Adi’ka.” 

   “Ba’vodu,” Koda grinned. “Are you helping Uncle Tech fix the ship?” 

   “Yes, I am.” Echo sighed, scratching at his head as he skimmed over the mess of ship parts and tools. “But it’s a lot more than I thought it’d be. Thankfully, Wrecker’s here just in time to help me. Right? ” 

   Wrecker furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to object when Echo suddenly tipped his head towards Koda and Omega. He warily glanced at them, sagging his shoulders when he saw just how happy Omega was to be holding Koda. Defeated, he begrudgingly agreed to stay. 

   Echo smirked, satisfied. “Good. Omega, why don’t you take Koda to Hunter and the Missus? They should be by the lake.” 

   Omega visibly relaxed, melting into her shoes with relief. She nodded and glanced at Koda with a grin. “Ready to see your parents?” 

   Koda hastily nodded. Initially, he wasn’t too happy about giving up his time with his uncles to go to his mother and father, but the longer he thought about them, the more he began to miss them. Even if it was just a few hours since you and Hunter departed, Koda felt as if it had been a lifetime. 

   “Bye ba’vodu Echo!” Koda waved as he and Omega walked into the forest. “Bye Uncle Wrecker!” 

   Wrecker and Echo grinned and waved. The moment the kids were out of earshot, he leaned over and muttered, “He knows he’s comin’ back… right?” 

   Echo’s face twisted into an are-you-serious-right-now expression. Wrecker just shrugged. The two turned back to the ship and put their hands on their hips at the same time. 

   “This is gonna take a while.” 

   “Aw, man.” 

In the woods, Koda walked alongside Omega with his hand in her own. She happily pointed out the bugs and different trees that she researched on Tech’s datapad during her brief breaks. Koda listened intently, hanging onto every word that she spoke. Out of the many reasons why Omega loved being in Koda’s company, his desire to learn was definitely one of her favorites. No matter the subject, Koda always seemed happy to not only listen while Omega went off on a tangent but he was quick to dissect and understand everything she said. 

   “-and this is a Brigsby Beetle.” They both crouched by a boulder, watching the black beetle that slowly crawled over the moss. Koda reached out to touch it but Omega gently seized his wrist before he could be pinched by the beetle’s massive pincers. “We don’t want to touch this one, buggy. It has something called venom and venom doesn’t feel good.” 

   Koda furrowed his brows. “Venom?” 

   Omega nodded, briefly thinking of an explanation before she settled on,  “Like a nasty tummy ache, but a lot worse.” 

   “I don’t like tummy aches.” Koda shuddered and took a step back.

   “Ko-o-o-da!” 

   The two children perched their heads up at the sound of your sing-song voice. Koda grinned, excitedly bouncing on the balls of his feet at the thought of seeing his mother. 

   “It’s mommy!” He whispered happily, clenching one of Omega’s fingers to give it an excited shake. With that, Koda took over and began leading her to the lake, following the sound of your voice and the splash of water. It was his enhanced hearing that led him to the rocky shore of one of Alderaan’s beautiful lakes; his sharp vision that noticed you and Hunter long before Omega even thought to look.

   While she took a moment to gape at the gorgeous view of mountains and trees, Koda let go of her hand and ran toward the two silhouettes sitting comfortably on a log. You were wet from head to toe having just gotten out of the river. A woven basket of gutted and cleaned fish lay in front of you and Hunter like a testimony of your teamwork. 

   The sound of Koda’s giggles had Hunter standing on his feet before you could even acknowledge it. You turned just in time to see Koda barrel into his open arms before being hoisted up to Hunter’s chest. Koda’s arms wrapped around his neck while Hunter cupped the back of his head, the two savoring a second just to squeeze each other tightly. 

   “Hi, daddy,” Koda murmured into his neck, melting into his father’s arms with relief. He pulled away to shyly tuck his chin to his chest, cheeks flushed red. “I missed you.” 

   “Not me?” You faked a pout as you joined them, poking Koda’s red nose with your fingertip. He held out his arms and Hunter wasted no time shifting him over to you, giving you a chance to hug your son while Hunter greeted Omega with a ruffle of her hair and an affectionate smile. 

   Koda pulled away to kiss your cheek.

   “I missed you too, mommy,” he said like it was a well-known fact. “Always.” 

   “Me too, buggy,” you said, kissing his temple. “Me too.” 

   Hunter pushed back Koda’s hair from his face, frowning. “Where’s your bandana, adi’ka?” 

    Koda innocently shrugged. 

   Before Hunter could even ask, Omega held up her wrist, offering her hair tie with a knowing smile. He thanked her and slipped it off, shifting behind Koda so that he could pull his long hair back and tie it up in a loose bun. “There, that should do it.” 

   “Thank you, daddy.” 

   You shut your eyes and softly exhaled through your mouth. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. He’s just cute. You don’t have to cry. Seriously- 

    “So,” Omega hummed, placing her hands on her hips. “Why are you two still here if you caught so many fish? Echo, Tech, and Wrecker are all working on the ship and I think repairs would go by faster if we all helped.” 

   For just a moment, you didn’t know what to say. In that second, Omega sounded and looked so mature that you felt like you were talking to a mix of all the guys. Even Hunter, who paused for a moment, seemed to have this revelation as he stared at her. The two of you shared a sentimental look before he glanced toward the other side of the narrow lake, observant eyes narrowing ever-so-slightly. 

    Hunter wanted to tell her the truth but you could see that he was hesitating. Neither one of you wanted to hurt her or the others, but now that she was here, you had no choice but to be honest. Handing Koda off to Hunter, you gently took Omega’s hand and walked her to the lakeshore. 

   “Omega…” You bit your lip and she frowned. “We didn’t tell the others because we didn’t know how this would go… but we didn’t land here just for repairs.” 

   Her brows furrowed and for a brief moment, you saw Crosshair in her facial expression. “What? Why are we on Alderaan then?” 

   As if waiting for her to ask that exact question, the sound of footsteps and crunching branches echoed from the treeline. Omega didn’t miss the way you defensively tensed, locking eyes with Hunter as he carried Koda to you. Gently setting him down on the ground, Hunter took a step in front of his son to hide him behind his legs just as a charcoal silhouette stepped out of the forest. 

   Omega immediately went still. 

   Crosshair looked just as worn and tired as he did five years ago on Kamino, albeit the scar on the side of his head had faded into nothing and his face was greyed with stubble. That damned toothpick was still in the corner of his mouth, right where it belonged. But there was something different in the way he walked, as if a phantom limp was slightly deterring his balance. Regardless, he kept the same sly confidence when lifting his shadowy gaze up from the ground.

   “When I got your message to meet here, I thought you were joking.” 

   Five years. Five years and that was what he had to say? After you, Omega, and his own brothers, saved him on Kamino just for him to turn his back once again? 

   Your anger suddenly outweighed the grief of his absence. 

   “You prick-” Angrily taking a step forward, you moved with the determination to choke him alive when a meek little voice made you stop and crash back into reality. 

   “Mommy?” 

   Koda looked just as confused as he was afraid. He was too small to understand anything other than the fact that you were trembling with anger, Omega looked like she’d seen a ghost, and Hunter was silent yet rigid with the protectiveness of a bear. You could only imagine what was going on through your little one’s head. 

   Taking his hand in your own, you pulled Koda in front of you and crouched, bringing his cold fingers up to your lips for an assuring kiss. “It’s ok, buggy. This is Crosshair.” 

   Koda nervously looked at Crosshair, who stared at him with a blend of shock and disbelief. Just as quickly as it came, the surprise faded and Crosshair’s expression hardened when it shifted to Hunter. 

   “I see you’ve been busy.”

   “This is a mistake,” Omega immediately interjected, reaching out to grab Hunter’s tense wrist. He ripped his attention away from his brother to glance down at the worried blonde. “We can’t let him see Koda. He’ll mention it to the Empire and they’ll know about him and-” 

   “Relax,” Hunter advised, his voice surprisingly steady. “He’s not here to hurt us.” 

   As if to reinforce this statement, Hunter locked eyes with Crosshair. 

   Crosshair only grunted, shifting his toothpick from one side of the mouth to the other, eyes flitting back down to you, then to Koda. Unbelievably, his cold stare softened. 

   “Does he know about me?” 

   “No,” Hunter responded gruffly, dismissing the stinging betrayal that briefly flashed across Crosshair’s face. “Wasn’t sure if you wanted him to know.” 

   Crosshair’s shoulders dropped just slightly. If the comment stung, he hid his facial reaction well. “Hm. Good call.” 

   “I asked you to come here so I could give you a chance.” Hunter glanced back at you before giving Koda a small smile. He held out his hand and like a magnet, Koda took it, allowing Hunter to pull him up to the front.

   You took Omega’s hand in your own and she squeezed it tight, hoping to ease your own nerves. 

   Crosshair moved his toothpick again and Koda watched it with confused fascination. The boy’s expression was so similar to Hunter’s that for just a heartbeat, Crosshair looked as if he’d seen a ghost. 

   “You know I won’t go back,” he murmured after a pause of silence. “You know I can’t.” 

   “That’s not what we’re asking, Cross,” Hunter muttered. “I just don’t want to keep my son away from you any longer.” 

    My son. 

   By the look on Crosshair’s face, you assumed that the words had barely just settled in his mind. This wasn’t just another child; not another clone to look at with annoyance. This was Hunter’s son. Your son. Crosshair was just another stranger to him. Crosshair, the brother that once was his closest confidant; the one who’d have his back in every battle across every star system. Now he was a no-one, both to Hunter and his son. 

   Gathering your wits, you took a step forward. “Crosshair… you know how important you are to this family. Something like that isn’t so easily forgotten. Don’t let the Imperial be the man that we introduce to Koda. Let him know the friend that I once had when we fought for the Republic; when we fought for good in this galaxy.” 

   The toothpick snapped in half. Crosshair discarded it but didn’t retrieve another as he flitted his gaze between Koda and Hunter. The resemblance was uncanny. Crosshair took another moment to stare before slowly exhaling through his nose. He finally moved, opting to sit on a large boulder. 

   Slowly as to not make any sudden movements, he removed his pack and set it down, unsheathing his knives and hidden blasters. When he was left in nothing but his bland charcoal armor, Crosshair stood and walked towards you and Hunter. Even weaponless, you couldn’t help but feel unease.

   Crosshair stopped just an arm’s length away from Hunter and Koda, and with a glance towards his brother, he crouched in front of his nephew. 

   “Koda, huh?” 

   Koda nodded nervously, shrinking into Hunter’s side. Hunter kneeled, gently palming the boy’s jaw to turn his head towards Crosshair. The moment he looked, Koda returned to the safety of Hunter’s neck, burying his face there as if he could shrink his whole body and disappear. Hunter soothingly rubbed his hand up and down his son’s back. “You don’t have to be shy, Koda. This is Crosshair, he’s your…” 

   He hesitated, cautiously meeting Crosshair’s eyes. . 

   “...Uncle,” The silver-haired clone finished with the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

   Koda unfurled from the shelter of Hunter’s body. He nervously looked between Crosshair and his father, only moving further after receiving an assuring smile and a little nudge. 

   “Go on. He won’t hurt you.”

   Crosshair watched with a peculiar expression as Koda timidly approached him. The boy’s hair was up in a rough bun but a few strands fell in front of his face; Crosshair had to clench his jaw to refrain from calling him Hunter by mistake. 

   “Go on, adi’ka,” you encouraged softly. “Crosshair is just like Uncle Wreck and Ba’vodu Echo.” 

   “He’s family,” Omega finally spoke, meeting Crosshair’s gaze for the first time since he arrived. He lowered his chin but held her stare and in that brief second, the two had an exchange far more powerful than words could ever describe. A silent apology and its silent forgiveness. Not that she really needed time to consider it anyway. A piece of Omega would always find forgiveness for him, regardless of how many years they spend apart.

   This seemed to ease Koda’s nerves. He looked more relaxed as he walked right up to Crosshair, stopping just a few inches in front of his wayward uncle. Crosshair uncomfortably refrained from making eye contact but before he could keep it that way, Koda’s small hand cupped his cheek, holding him in place. 

   “You look like daddy,” he curiously whispered, soft enough for Crosshair to hear and Hunter to detect. The two of them shared a sad glance before Crosshair cleared his throat. 

   “He’s my brother.” 

   “I don’t have brothers,” Koda stated smartly, his chipper tone easing the noticeable tension. 

   Crosshair arched a brow and looked at you, giving you a familiar smirk that made your chest ache. “Maybe you might one day. Or somethin’ else. You’ve got options.” 

   Crossing your arms over your chest, you snorted and rolled your eyes. “Yeah let me just get accidentally pregnant again.” 

    The brief banter made Hunter smile. You and Crosshair used to be like this all the time, from the day you were assigned to their team to the day that the war ended. Bantering was your form of friendship and now, even if the moment was short, it felt so right. Like nothing had changed and the two of you fell right back into step with one another. 

   Crosshair opened his mouth to add something else when Koda held up his hands with an expectant smile. 

   “Pick me up?” 

   Crosshair paled. “No, I don’t think-- I can’t-” 

   Koda jutted his bottom lip. “Please?” 

   Crosshair’s evident discomfort made you giggle. Nonetheless, he gently scooped Koda up by his armpits and held him out with his arms extended and his elbows locked. “You’re a funny-looking thing.” 

   Koda’s brows furrowed. “Mommy says I’m the handsomest.”

   “Mm. She would say something like that.” 

   You leaned against Hunter’s side as he put his arm over your shoulders, holding you close enough to press his lips against the shell of your ear. While Crosshair had seemingly accepted Koda and vice versa, you could feel the tension still lingering in Hunter’s guarded stance and weary stare. 

   The last thing he wanted to do was get his son attached to his brother, only for Crosshair to deal the same cards as he did on Kamino. The galaxy would surely burn if Koda’s heart were to ever break. 

   “Did I make a good decision?” 

   Now that he’d been a father for five years, Hunter was better at voicing his worry. When it came to his son, he’d never shy away from concern or worry, even blatant overprotectiveness. 

   “You made the best decision for today,” you murmured, turning your head to kiss his cheek. He exhale and leaned into your touch, soaking in the assurance. “We’ll worry about tomorrow when we get there.” 

   Omega’s small hand wrapped around Hunter’s, squeezing tight enough to make his head turn her way, brows furrowed in worry. 

   “You promise you can trust him?” 

   Hunter hesitated. He couldn’t make an empty promise like that, even if his son was now standing by Crosshair’s side, holding onto a slim finger as he led the unwilling sniper toward the lakeshore in search of bugs and shiny rocks. In an odd, messed up way, Hunter always felt willing to trust his brother, to die for him, but that was just years of habit. He’d always felt that way, so when the time came for him to prioritize his wife and son, Hunter had to unlearn this instinct. His brothers would always be equipped to keep themselves safe but you? Koda? He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he made the promise only to have it broken in the future. 

   So you decided to make the promise for him. 

   “I trust him,” you assured, brushing a strand of hair out of Omega’s eye and behind her ear. “I trust him with Koda because Koda?” You met Hunter’s eyes. “ He is evidence that there’s a future for us beyond smuggling and running jobs for Cid… And I think he is helping Crosshair realize that.” 

   Maybe Koda could successfully warm Crosshair’s heart. Maybe the boy’s love of rocks could somehow chip away the cold walls that Crosshair had built. Or maybe, after the sunset, when Koda would climb into the cot with his parents, Crosshair would report to Rampart the news that Hunter,  the leader of Clone Force 99, had a son. One with enhanced hearing, at that. A product of a clone, surely to be taken and examined or eradicated entirely for being seen as nothing more than a nuisance. As if the Empire needed more children born with rebel ideology. 

   Or maybe, just maybe, the sound of Koda's giggle and Crosshair’s light chuckle was a sign that something had already begun to change. 

   And now it was simply time to wait and see. 

author's note: yes, koda's name was inspired by cody 🥲❤️

taglist form

@corona-one @maulslittlemeowmeow @misogirl828 @theclonesdeservebetter @frietiemeloen @pinkiemme @torchbearerkyle @witchklng @ivela3 @kaminocasey @daddykin-skywalker @sunflowerrex @twistedstitcher27 @moonstrider9904

#hunter tbb #dad hunter #dad clones #the bad batch #hunter the bad batch #sargeant hunter #bad batch #bad batch hunter #dad batch

[jessamine-rose]

◈ Housecat — Author’s Note ◈

ଘ(˶╹̆ ▿╹̆˵)੭່ﾟ Read Housecat here!!

(づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ Read Alea Iacta Est here!!

Sndksnsajaja thank you so much to everyone who read my work!! Your feedback means the world to me and I hope you all suffered from enjoyed my yandere version of the Regrator

This post is just me sharing my Yandere! Pantalone headcanons, my characterization of his darling, the creative details in both fics, and bonus content from the rough drafts. I hope you all don’t mind this behind-the-scenes look into my work :>

“Your entire life has been a gilded cage. The gods refuse to grant your greatest wish, and so you have resigned yourself to the will of destiny. But what happens when the red string of fate is severed and replaced with the silver chains of the Regrator?” (AO3 Summary)

⬩Introduction⬩

♡ First of all, I must give credit to @bye-bye-sunbird and @ddarker-dreams for inspiring me with these posts from their blogs!! I rlly liked the idea of Pantalone pursuing a darling who grew up with everything he wanted but couldn’t have. By claiming her, he achieves what was previously unattainable to him and gains control over the divine ψ(｀∇´)ψ

♡ I was originally going to write a single fic from the darling’s perspective, but the word count for i. scarlet quartz convinced me to split the story into two fics. Which, in turn, enabled me to incorporate Pantalone’s POV and more facets of his character!! While Housecat focuses on his charming manipulative side, Alea Iacta Est reveals the full extent of his ambition and cruelty :>

♡ Before I continue rambling, I want to say a big thank you again to @diodellet for another peer review!! Aside from providing feedback, she motivated me with her brainrot <3

⬩Pantalone⬩

♡ My version of Pantalone is a possessive and manipulative yandere. He likes to refer to his darling by “my [nickname]” and dress her up in his choice of clothing and jewelry. He is extremely cruel and ambitious in pursuit of his desires, so he will stop at nothing to own his Kitty darling completely.

♡ Wealth and authority aside, he mainly utilizes his intelligence, social skills, and friendly facade to manipulate how others perceive him. In taking note of his target’s wants and weaknesses, he presents himself as someone who can fulfill those wishes.

♡ This is the reason why Pantalone gives Kitty quality time and words of affirmation more often than material gifts. He knows that she wants something which wealth and prestige cannot buy, so he adjusts his love languages accordingly. He also consistently includes her in conversations, stands up for her, and makes time for her unlike Kitty’s other relationships.

♡ Given his character design and backstory, I think Pantalone indulges in his newfound wealth but remains mentally affected by poverty. The easiest way to set him off is to express ingratitude towards his luxurious gifts as shown in ii. fool’s gold. I wanted to depict his wealth as “different” from that of high society, in the sense that his extravagance is only limited to his preferences. He doesn’t follow trends or feel the need to prove himself to aristocracy, because he is already confident and superior in terms of authoritative power.

♡ Askdnkdendkw I hope you all liked his soft moments in vi. noctilucous jade and vi. diabolic waltz. I hc that he dislikes being seen without his material riches or “perfect” appearance, so when he is forced to be genuine and vulnerable around his darling?? It was a nice break from his deception and cruelty (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)

⬩Kitty Darling⬩

♡ Once again, in order to feed my love for docile darlings and twisted happy endings, I put myself through the pain of giving Darling her own detailed personality and backstory. To start, I made her a cat-hybrid for the housecat/ stray cat theme and because it was cute to write about her feline features. That is all  ^•ﻌ•^

♡ Kitty grew up with the privileges of high society, but it is that same upbringing which makes her lonely, insecure, codependent, and resigned to her fate. I chose fashion and dance as her aristocratic interests, since they align with her desire for attention and participation. Given her internal conflict, it is inevitable that she falls for Pantalone before his proposal.

♡ My own name and appearance for Kitty &lt;3

⬩Other Characters⬩

♡ 赖 Lài family – Hahaha so here is the source of Darling’s issues!! Because of work and favoritism, she grew up ignored and babied by her parents. They did the bare minimum in raising her and only recognized her potential as a link to other important families. As a result, her sister also looks down on Kitty and is bitter about her lack of productivity. Their surname ironically means “depend on; trust in; rely on."

♡ Chairman 金 Jin – I wrote him to be someone whom Pantalone would view as a worthy challenge given their opposite upbringings. Symbolism-wise, his surname means “gold” to contrast with Pantalone’s silver accessories. His Dendro Vision foreshadows how his downfall is caused by his association to Kitty (Pyro Vision).

♡ Kitty’s brother and friends – These characters do care about her, but they can’t prioritize Kitty over their own responsibilities. This enables Pantalone to take full advantage over her loneliness and self-esteem, because he is the only person who actively seeks her company and sets aside his work for her.

⬩Literary Motifs⬩

♡ Housecat/ stray cat – At this point, the parallels don’t need to be explained. Kitty is the housecat, a pampered child who doesn’t know any practical skills beyond what is expected of her in high society. On the other hand, Pantalone is the stray cat whose destitute past made him cunning and self-sufficient.

♡ Red string of fate – Given his view of the gods, Pantalone probably scoffs at beliefs pertaining to destined/ forbidden love. Even if his darling or destiny refuses him, he will get what he wants through his own ambition. I'm also simply fond of that motif :>

♡ Fire – Sooo Kitty’s Pyro Vision was chosen to represent her codependence on others. Her Vision is her only source of self-esteem, being the only object which she was able to attain on her own. Alas, its warmth and light cannot compare to what Pantalone provides for her~ On that note, I’ll point out a narrative detail repeated in i. scarlet quartz, v. shivada jade, and v. the die is cast:: When Pantalone opens the door, he brings “warm light” into Kitty’s dark world.

♡ Love and contracts – Yeahh so Pantalone and Kitty are both cynical towards the concept of love. Similar to the former, Kitty views love as a give-and-take contract and refuses to use that word. So her “I love you” in the ending marks her complete descent into Stockholm Syndrome </3

⬩Chapter Titles⬩

♡ Jewels – For the most part, I referred to Genshin lore and irl symbolism. The jewels chosen with the most consideration were Smaragdus Jadeite, Shivada Jade, and Electro Crystal due to their lore, symbolism, and function respectively.

♡ Figures of speech – I didn’t know what else to use for Pantalone’s section dividers, so I just name-dropped a bunch of motifs or phrases lol. The last title vi. diabolic waltz is the title of the Kuroshitsuji ost which I described as the orchestral music for the dance scenes.

⬩Deleted Scenes⬩

♡ Fun fact, Kitty’s old life used to be angstier!! Originally, the distance with her friends was because Yinji was Chairman Lai’s mistress. (Cue a more dramatic reveal during the wedding) I scrapped that idea for the “too busy to hang out” tension in order to put more focus on Pantalone and worsen Kitty’s anxieties over being “more of a pet than a wife.”

♡ Pantalone adopts the stray cat from Yujing Terrace. I didn’t find the time to write that, sadly, plus I didn’t want to risk a “Pantalone dislikes cats” from Genshin canon lol. But yeahhh for now, the cat currently lives a comfortable life in the Regrator’s Liyue estate.

♡ I entertained the thought of writing a crossover with my Yandere! Capitano fic Herbarium, but I scrapped that idea because it didn’t contribute much to the story. Additionally, an interaction between Kitty and Damsel felt forced, given their conflicting personalities and the latter’s asocial nature.

⬩My Favorite Scenes⬩

First Kiss, Wedding Night, and “Stress Relief”

♡ Ansksnajaajahw I DIED writing those scenes. Compared to Capitano’s chivalry and comfort in Herbarium, Pantalone is more greedy and passionate with his physical affection. He strikes me as the type to take pride in tainting and overwhelming his darling during intimacy~ Honestly, I was just rlly thirsty for him and I think it shows in the sexual tension throughout Housecat  (〃▽〃)

Aftercare Scene ft. Hand-holding

♡ I’m quite happy with this scene!! I wanted to cool down from the wedding night with fluff aaand it became a rare glimpse into Pantalone’s vulnerable side. Yes, it was necessary for me to add that final dash of dark spice~ That bitey ending was inspired by a scene from the manga “The Villainess and the Demon Knight.”

Pantalone Says No to Baby Trapping

♡ Honestly, this scene was quite self-indulgent. Aside from the Fatui’s ongoing mission, I tried to rationalize my Pantalone’s “I don’t want kids yet” speech with the fact that Kitty actually wants children due to her lack of wifely responsibilities. Hopefully, the scene played out well?? I was afraid that it would turn off some readers, but I hope it provided some dark wholesomeness and reverse-psychology-esque manipulation. And hahaha Pantalone’s greedy last line—

Diabolic Waltz: Reprise

♡ *sobs* Pantalone being vulnerable with his darling again……realizing that she has truly given herself up to him……comfortable enough to let his hair down and have fun dancing, because there is no crowd of partygoers to judge them…….just the stars watching them……Pantalone allowing himself to be genuine and to say “I love you” for realsies skdwkfwewnkww

♡ But yeahhh I’m rlly happy with how I ended the fic. Aside from the last waltz being a direct contrast to the beginning of Housecat, I wanted to show how Kitty isn’t the only one who is acting “differently” in this scene. I just wanted to see Pantalone all happy and victorious. And so they lived happily ever after ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

⬩Pantalone x Kitty Playlist⬩

Songs which motivated me throughout the writing process. Istg why are these so perfect for Pantalone and Kitty’s story  ˭̡̞(◞˃ᆺ˂)◞

♡ Diabolic Waltz — Kuroshitsuji ost

♡ Tricologe by Niru Kajitsu ft. flower

♡ il by Anna Evans golden folks

♡ Gensou no Kyrie — Dance with Devils song

♡ The Slightly Chipped Full Moon — Kuroshitsuji II ost cover by Lollia

♡

Aajsndjedj but yeahh that’s all for the twisted tale of the Regrator and his darling!! I was concerned about cramming too many ideas into this fic, but aahh I rlly wanted to exhaust all of my brainrot. And so we ended up with 15.8k words of my blood and tears~

I hope that more readers will enjoy Housecat and Alea Iacta Est. Do share your reactions and feedback with me—it truly warms my heart when you compliment my work!! Same goes for brainrot bc your keysmashes and suffering are a delight to read ლ(｀∀´ლ)

#pantalone #yandere pantalone #yandere pantalone x reader #pantalone x reader #yandere genshin #genshin x reader #fatui x reader #yandere fatui harbingers #tw: yandere #fem reader #jessamine-writing

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Otona Blue TEASER

Yandere Kang Yeosang x fem reader

a/n: this is a long fic and i'm not quite done but i just can't wait to share it i'm so excited !!

Getting involved with your pretty senior may have been a big mistake.

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ (ಡ‸ಡ)genre

yandere, college au, angst

ಠ_ಠwarnings/contents

for teaser: ~600 words, short read, yandere behavior, yelling, hints at violence(not towards reader), forehead touches(what can i say, i'm a whore), pet names, cheek kiss, age gap(19-23), yeo is mean&unstable&manipulative, not edited

for chapter: LOTS

update: full story out now !! check it out here :)

MDNI

"My beautiful flower," he hums, cool knuckle sliding down your cheek and across your jaw.

"Yeosang." His name is whispered like that of a devil, so quiet that he can barely pick up on the emotions lacing your voice. "We shouldn't... we should stop before we get too involved. I'm too- I'm too-"

"No," he grumbles, pushing off the wall and going to pace around the music room. "You don't get it," he yells, kicking one of the sheet stands. You yelp involuntarily, backing into the chalkboard as his cold gaze finds you. "You don't get it," he begins to laugh, raking a hand through his hair.

"Sunbae-"

"Don't fucking call me that!" His conscience is filled with guilt as he hears the word, but it's quickly overwhelmed by the butterflies that fill his gut as he sees you cowering against the wall. "Don't call me that," he repeats in a soft, whining voice. As he approaches, you scoot behind the teachers piano, using it as a barrier between the both of you.

"Why are you scared," he asks. Wether it's genuine or teasing, you can't seem to tell.

"Please, stop. Lets just go our separate ways."

He places his hands on the top of the wooden piano, smirking as he unlocks the wheels with the tip of his sneakers. He pushes it to the side harshly, making the keys clang and echo around the room as it collides with the double doors. "Yeosang, please! You're scaring me!"

"Don't worry," he purrs as he crowds you, taking your hands in his and holding them between you: pressing his body against yours and effectively trapping you.

"Oh, Petal," his voice is truly mocking now, but it goes away as quickly as it came. "We are already involved. Do you have any idea what I did for you? Huh? Any idea what I'm willing to do? What I did to that bitch is nothing compared to what I'm willing to do..." He places his forehead to yours, breathing in the smell of your sweet conditioner and listening to your ragged breaths. For a single moment, he feels like he's in heaven.

Then, the sirens come into ear shot.

Eyes wide, filled to the brim with tears that you refuse to let fall, you search his cold gaze. "What did you do?"

"I told you that I would protect you, yeah? That's exactly what I did." He leans his face impossibly closer to yours, "I have a feeling she won't be bothering you. Not as long as I'm around."

You turn your head to the side, avoiding his eyes as your tears fall. "Hey!" The grip he has on your chin is rough, probably rough enough to bruise.

"Yeo, please," you sob, subconsciously wrapping both your hands around his free one: which is still perched against your stomach.

"Look at me," he all but begs, shifting his weight around anxiously as you slowly turn your eyes to face him.

"I didn't do anything wrong, you know that right? She may have got hurt, but... after everything she did to you? That cunt had it coming. Okay?"

"Mhm." You bite your lip, nodding tightly in his grasp. "I'm sorry, Yeo."

"I know, baby." He places a chaste kiss to your cheek. He releases his death grip and taps your cheek gently with a smile. "I just want to protect you. You'll let me, won't you?"

The sirens are full force, ringing through the school. The lights flash through the tall window.

"Won't you?"

#kang yeosang #yeosang fanfic #yandere yeosang #ateez fanfic #ateez #ateez yeosang #yandere ateez #fanfic teaser #yandere #otona blue #related to: otona blue

[noodyl-blasstal]

please... b f h u ? thank you 💕

Ooooh, thank you so much for these!

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience? In a shocking turn of events... yes! Generally, a lot of my fics have themes of misunderstandings around dating (e.g. Scamming Me; Scamming you; Moonlight to Sunrise; I PHDo). I have been on so many accidental dates because people just aren't explicitly clear about what they mean when they say stuff like "let's go for a drink" because how on earth is anyone supposed to actually know that's somehow "let's go and get a drink and talk about whether we should get married."

Conference Buddies bears a homage to some of the terrible packed lunches I've had (shout out to the place that decided to combine every single dietary requirement into one horrifying lunch.)

Astrology for Horse Jugglers was a mix of silly ideas and some of the times I've met people who yes anded their way into my heart. Once I was with someone who met an old friend of theirs who was also with someone else. During their conversation we constructed a story so beautiful, so elaborate, that my friend was convinced we also knew each other.

Ten Years Ago Today is about long-term grief and the way it can hit you. Old wounds can feel pretty fresh, even when you think they're healed over.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

So this is something I'm currently working on. I enjoy this so much because I think it sets up a lot of dynamic and it's fun to play with a one sided conversation like this.

“Mags! Hey! Quick question… cool, oh, yeah, another new puppy? That’s great, when do we get to meet th…” Taako’s going to kill her, he’s going to kill her dead and no jury could convict. He settles for nudging her gently with his elbow instead because he’d miss her eventually. “... sorry Mags, actually, I have to be quick, you know how <i>some people</i> can be… Yes, I will, Magnus says hi.” Taako’s going to eat them both. “Uh huh, look, it’s about the library books, was there one which they didn’t take? … Oh, uh huh, you, you told him he must have made a mistake and that he needed to take it? … and… uh huh… uh huh…  then refused to take it back… uh huh… and after that you just left… even when he shouted at you to come back? … uh huh… Magnus! ….uh huh, yeah, gods… fine. Gotta go, love you bye.” Lup hangs up the phone and looks solemnly at Taako. “So, I have some news.”

H: How would you describe your style? I'm not sure I have a good answer for this. "Silly" is probably my overwhelming descriptor. The stories are usually daft and I usually pour a little bit too much of my heart into them.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much. Ooooh, okay. So. This is tricky because there's so many great people!

@ceilingfan5 of course, I ploughed through your Ao3 back cataogue when I started reading TAZ and it was banger after banger. I love your brain noodles, love the way you embody the characters, and the way your wording is so creative and fun. Your style's just super engaging and lovely and your stories are delightful.

@holdmecloser-gandydancer also has so many great fics. I think about Say it with Flours, The Only One On Your A.M. Radio, A Baggage Claim Candlenights, Rode Hard And Put Away Wet, and some of the works in progress so often.

@mmmarty (spot the theme here) also has so many wonderful fics. Have I seen pacific rim? No. Did I love No Such Thing As Cold (Only The Absence of Heat)? Absolutely. I also think of Magic Club and By The Book often.

But that's not counting @barry-j-blupjeans (endless amazing one shots), @liltaz-asatreat (so many thoughtful, emotionally impactful fics), @taakosleftshoe (aquarium AU!), @jerreeeeeee (incredible world building), Tanacetum (my phone broke mid of faeries and fungus and I was so upset and tracked it down so fast to zoom through the rest), and of course Weevilo707 (also endless great fics).

There's definitely lots of other people I've forgotten too, but I've got a brain like a sieve.

#Sorry I wrote you an essay but thank you so much for your ask!

[mariaofdoranelle]

Golden Tattoo — Part 4

Rowaelin Month 2022 — Day 7: Holiday Celebration

Parts 0-3 are here

THE FLUFF HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!

This is the last part of this fic so thank you for reading! Never thought I’d say this, but seeing you all rage against me was the highlight of my week 💗

Warnings: language

Word count: 2,6k

⨯ ⁺ ✦ ･ ｡ﾟ ⊹ ( ^-^)_旦 (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧* ･ﾟ･｡

Rowan woke Aelin up as soon as she could be discharged from the hospital, and their journey home was rather uneventful, mostly because they didn’t speak anything beyond the extremely necessary. He couldn’t look her in the face, and she didn’t blame him.

She didn’t tell Rowan she was in love with him for years because she chose to. She was the one too scared to propose a real relationship when they first got together. At last, Aelin was the one who delayed the pregnancy reveal until she couldn’t anymore. As heartbroken as she was, Aelin knew she brought this upon herself.

The conversation escalated so much before she could utter a proper apology earlier that day, and since things were maybe fucked up beyond repair, she decided to just spill everything out without overthinking the consequences.

Right after leaving the bathroom, Aelin found him leaving a snack on her nightstand.

“I was scared of how you were going to react,” she blurted before she could lose track of the conversation again.

He was visibly tired and refused to look her in the eye. “Scared of what? You thought I’d leave my child stranded?”

“That’s not it. I didn’t want you to be present out of responsibility.”

Jerking towards her, Rowan gaped before saying, “But it is my responsibility, and I’m beyond pissed that you tried to keep me from it. You don’t want me to be there? Is that the case?”

Aelin groaned, frustrated that he just assumed she didn’t want him. “I failed to tell you because your being there matters too much! Rowan, I have feelings for you. I’ve been in love with you for so long I can’t even remember when it started.” She forced her eyes on the ceiling, wiping a few tears as she tried to control her breathing. “I was afraid to tell you because...” Aelin swallowed down the pain in the back of her throat before continuing. “I want you to stay because you want to, not because you have to.”

Rowan hadn’t moved in a while now, completely frozen. They were both standing and staring at each other, panting. But then he ran a hand through his head. “I can’t talk about us when I’m like this.” And left her room.

He left her.

Aelin laid down on her bed alone and wondered about how she let things go south so quickly. Replaying the night in her head again and again, she cried harder every time her thoughts landed on either of their fights. Aelin bared her soul to Rowan, the thing she was scared to do the most, and was left hanging. But she deserved that, didn’t she?

Her pillow was too wet, so she turned it around and forced herself too sleep on the other side before crying too much on it again. If Rowan heard her sobbing, he didn’t show a sign of it. Or maybe he just didn’t see it as his job to comfort her anymore, she tortured herself with the thought before falling asleep.

˜˜˜˜

Sadly, Aelin woke up while Rowan was home. Sadly, there was absolutely no way they could have their old friendship back after months of sex, a baby, hiding the baby and then discovering it was all one-sided love for her. Sadly, Rowan saw the meme she sent in the chat group with their friends, because that was the only trace of her Aelin left for him since waking up.

Twenty minutes after sending said meme, he knocked on her door and showed up with the biggest breakfast tray she’d ever seen. Whoever said people can’t hit all nutrients in a single meal clearly haven’t met Rowan Whitethorn.

“Are we sharing? There’s no way I can eat all this,” she said in a forced lighthearted tone. After yesterday’s fiasco, she would do nearly everything to at least keep their friend group intact.

“Don’t worry, just... you know.” He gestured to the food, clearly uncomfortable.

She ate in silence, and Rowan snatched a few grapes after the second or third time Aelin offered to share the food. So many carbs in this tray, not one of them was chocolate cake. She could feel the joke forming on the tip of her tongue, but their relationship still seemed way too fragile to tease his food choices. That didn’t stop her from squinting her eyes to examine the toast, though. Was this whole wheat bread? People still eat those?

“I’m sorry.” Rowan sounded as tired as she was.

Focusing her gaze on the food tray, she fiddled with the fork. “Don’t be. I know I fucked up.”

“I agree, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Even if I was mad. Still am, actually.”

Aelin recoiled. “Then why are you doing all this?” The food, making amends. It didn’t make sense.

Rowan failed to hide a nervous smile. “Because I’ll still love you when the anger passes.” Then he looked up at her, finding Aelin’s now watery eyes.

She blinked, making a rogue tear fall down. “Yeah?”

They were both beaming so much it made Rowan’s job of kissing her a bit hard. “I’ve been crazy about you since the day we met.” Caressing her cheek, he said, “I love you, and I love our baby. I can’t say I’m used to the idea yet.” Rowan looked thoughtful when his thumb stroked her lower belly. Until he smiled again. “But I like it. And I love that I get to do it with you.”

Aelin rested her head on his shoulders and explained her week to him. Discovering the pregnancy through Elide, the symptoms, the ever-changing nicknames for the baby, everything. He just held her close and stroked her hair, listening intently and making a few questions until she ran out of things to update him.

After a small stretch of silence, she said, “So we’re a couple now?”

He raised an eyebrow, sensing she was trying to get somewhere.

“We’re a couple with a baby on the way. Don’t you think there’s one thing missing?” Aelin smirked.

Rowan stilled. “Nope. Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Aelin, we’re not getting a dog.”

“How can you accept a toddler and not a dog?” she whined.

“Are you really asking me this?”

Aelin straightened her posture so she could look him in the eye. “Kids are the epitome of messy. Your neat freak tendencies are no longer an excuse.”

He pointed out, “Will our child chew on the furniture?”

“Big chance, yes.” Rowan’s eyes went wide, probably remembering his cousin’s toddler stories. Aelin sighed affectionally. “If I can’t convince you to adopt a dog, I’m sure Shortcake will.”

“Is that so?” he challenged with a confident smirk.

“Yes. We’ll team up against you until you yield.”

Despite the threat, Rowan was beaming so wide it was a rare thing to see. “I really don’t doubt that.”

˜˜˜˜

Rowan was absolutely losing his mind, and Aelin was afraid she’d lose her boyfriend after only two weeks of officially dating.

He prepared all of her meals and a spare one before going to work, also sending texts reminding her to eat every two hours.

He did prenatal yoga along with her every day after coming back home.

He had multiple spreadsheets that grew each pregnancy book or article he read — one for baby budget, one for Aelin’s pregnancy diet, one for doctor’s appointments and vaccines — and she was afraid he’d never stop until the kid left for college.

After dinner, when their daily obligations were done, they had quality time together. Usually just lazing in bed or doing other nighttime activities. Rowan made sure she’d never worry about a thing during her pregnancy, and one of those things was definitely Aelin’s hormones increasing her libido.

However, last night Rowan held her while she pretended not to feel tired just to sleep 15 minutes into their favorite TV show, Aelin remembered with a guilty smile.

Still a bit groggy from sleep, she followed the soft kitchen sounds to find Rowan working on the counter and hugged him from behind. Turning around without breaking her embrace, he pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Morning, Fireheart.”

She hummed and nuzzled her face on him. “Happy Samhuinn.”

Holding Aelin’s chin to tilt her face towards his, he asked, “Are you ready?”

She nodded, even if the reminder made her stomach flutter. It was a good kind of nervousness. Today the Whitethorns were having a Samhuinn barbecue, and if everything worked out, a pregnancy announcement as well. Being 12 weeks pregnant, they decided to start telling people today.

She eyed the counter behind him. “Uncle Ellys asked you to bring food?”

Rowan eyed her carefully. “No, these are just... trimmings.”

That was one way to sugarcoat his scheming. Gawking at the overbearing bastard, she argued, “Absolutely not! You know I live for those barbecues.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “And you’ll eat them. Just along with more nutritious things.”

Knowing the fight was already lost, she crossed her arms and pouted. “You’ll eat too.”

He eyed the counter and quickly returned the asparagus to its box. “Sure.”

“Buzzard,” Aelin grumbled.

Rowan shook his head. “You know exactly what I am.” And smugly pointed at his apron’s design. The one she gave him as a joke a week ago, but he decided to wear every day. DILF: Devoted. Involved. Loving. Father.

Just like that, her annoyance vanished and they were laughing together at his terrible attempt to joke. Sometimes the 24/7 fussing could be a little tiring, but Aelin knew he did it out of love. And a bit of anxiety too.

Honestly, she wasn’t even in a place to complain. All the tension of being one scary step away from having what they wanted ceased, giving space to a much lighter version of themselves. Aelin had a feeling they were finally where they were meant to be, and just the thought made her burst with joy.

~~~~

The four food containers she found Rowan packing became eight now that he was tasting his own medicine. When his mother opened the door and noticed the bag, her eyes went wide.

“What the hell did you bring?”

He scratched his neck. “I’ll explain later.”

She looked confused, but turned to greet Aelin anyway. “Happy Samhuinn, dear. You look gorgeous in that sundress!” Rory’s expression had something open and tender about it that never failed to make Aelin warm inside.

Most likely, his mom hadn’t noticed her minuscule bump. Aelin’s clothes definitely felt tighter, but she arrived at the barbecue looking the way she’s used to do when she’s leaving. If someone noticed it before she told them about the pregnancy, they’d just assume she gained weight, which was perfect for the reveal.

“Meat for the anemic lady!” A very pregnant Sellene shouted from her chair as soon as Aelin entered the backyard.

“Happy Samhuinn for you too,” Aelin greeted. She didn’t need to ask how she knew that information, the news ran fast between the Whitethorns.

There was a table filled with food to accompany the meat Uncle Ellys was grilling, and Aelin was a tad surprised when she noticed the small bonfire on a corner. They weren’t religious, so everyone knew the holiday was just an excuse to make a huge barbecue.

After catching up with everyone, Uncle Ellys dragged one chair close to her and Rowan, and then brought her plate. With medium rare meat.

She looked at it affectionately. Aelin and Ellys teamed up to defend medium rare meat a few years back, during a huge argument about steak doneness. After this, it kind of became their thing, since he always cooked a plate for her exactly the way she described her ideal steak that day.

Rowan mention for her to give him the plate. Raw meat was written in bold and highlighted in orange in his spreadsheet, and Aelin also knew better. Still, the idea of cooking that flawless-looking steak broke her heart a little.

He raised an eyebrow, waiting. “Let me cook it, please?”

“I know I have to, but I don’t want to.” she whispered with a pained look.

Leaning back on his seat and frowning, he said in a soft, quiet tone, “I know, Fireheart, but—“

“Is everything alright?” Sellene’s husband asked as he passed by them, carrying the dessert to the table.

Just like that, there were a few sets of green eyes staring at them.

“Um.” Rowan scratched the back of his head. “I’m just going to cook Aelin’s steak a bit more.”

Uncle Ellys frowned. “What happed to my medium rare bud?”

Bloody Hellas. That was definitely not how she wanted to tell people, but there she was. Waiting for the perfect moment didn’t do her any good two weeks ago, so Aelin cleared her throat.

“I’m pregnant.”

She was adding more of Rowan’s salad to her plate, pretending to be nonchalant when the room went silent. Too silent to a Whitethorn gathering.

Looking up, everyone was staring at her. Some were darting worried glances at Rowan, his dad being one of them. Rory was somewhere between thrilled and pained, probably because she failed to notice how hard her son was trying to hide his amusement.

“Good. Sellene’s son is a little terror, we need some good influences for when my kid arrives.” Endymion said with a genuine smile. He was in the adoption process.

“I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” Enda’s husband inquired, clearly curious.

“I’m very much taken, yes,” Aelin smirked.

When she glanced towards Rowan, he was already beaming up at her. Aelin’s smile turned shy and—

“YOU SNEAKY BASTARDS!” Sellene shouted before they could say anything.

Aelin just sat back and watched the chaos ensue with a huge grin on her face.

“Dear Mala—“

“Fucking finally!”

“I knew it!”

Enda was blinking, frowning at the mayhem. “What the hell?”

Getting up from her seat for the first time, Sellene slapped his shoulder. “The baby is Rowan’s, you birdbrain!”

“Oh...” He was gaping, but his rounded mouth slowly became a smirk. “I knew it!”

His husband snorted. “No, you didn’t.”

Sellene gripped the arms of her chair and blurted, “You should blend it!”

“No!” Rowan shouted, startling even Aelin herself.

She was the only person in Rowan’s life — apart from his family — that knew one of his biggest secrets. His name was mostly blended. Rory and Owen named their kid Rowan, and Sellene’s greatest joy was to tease him about it.

“Row...in. Rowin!”

“Drop it, Sellene.” Rowan’s voice was taut, but his cousin didn’t seem to care.

“Olin sounds better!” Enda chirped.

Rowan wasn’t having it. “I’m not blending my kid’s name!”

“Oh, come on!” Sellene whined.

Rowan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “Why? So your kids can bully my kid?”

His cousin put a protective hand against her huge bump. “Of course! I’m a good mom. I need to guarantee them some fun.”

Aelin’s attention diverged when she watched Rowan’s parents come to congratulate them. Rory was crying, and Owen had a silly smile to his face.

“I don’t know if I should welcome you into the family or not, you’ve practically been a Whitethorn for years now.” Rowan’s mom said while hugging Aelin.

“Not officially,” Owen intervened and gave Rowan a light slap on the back of the head. “Where the hell is her ring? I taught you better than this.”

Unfazed, Rowan grinned. “Don’t spoil my plans to her, that’s rude.”

They haven’t really talked about this, so Aelin hoped her face wasn’t as mushy as her insides.

As the four of them chit-chatted, it was easy to overhear parallel conversations of how everyone just knew it would happen someday, when they knew it, when they thought it would happen. Apparently, the two of them were a never-ending family topic.

“I love you,” Aelin whispered on his ear.

He wrapped a hand around her waist, tight enough to have his fingertips reaching her belly. “I love you too.”

Rowan gave a chaste kiss on her lips, but that was enough to make his family cheer further.

“We need more beer!” Someone yelled in the background.

A/N: This fluff part was maybe the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever wrote.

TAG LIST

@autumnbabylon

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@elentiyawhitethorn

@leiawritesstories

@rowanaelinn

@thegreyj

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[hexiewrites]

on eddie not apologizing in carve your name:

I got a comment on carve your name into my chest that really had me buzzing (in a good way!) with thoughts about character development, and I wrote out a whole reply explaining where I was coming from and figured it may be worth sharing too.

I've seen the take that eddie gets off 'easy' at the end of carve. he never really apologizes to steve for how he's treated, and at the end of the fic doesn't really have consequences for this. steve has grovelled and apologized and done something on a huge public stage, and eddie... well. he's been a little shit.

I love seeing people pick up on that, because it was something I did with a lot of intention! when you write from single character POV interactions like this can often feel unbalanced, especially if we feel connected to one character more than the other. but all of carve was written with both of their ongoing development and feelings strongly in my mind. the sequel is going to touch on this a lot, and there are hints as to what's to come in my answer to the comment I got, so stop here if you don't want any inkling (but still want to know that yes, eddie is going to have a lot of his own making up to do). otherwise, enjoy this unrestrained ramble on my character choices.

(oh, and also: serious spoilers for carve your name below! read at your own peril!)

off the bat: Eddie needing to apologize for how he treated steve is definitely going to come up (more than once) in the sequel. we're going to get some insight into the character development steve has gone through (and if you read the prequel, i hope you can see how much he's a different person in THIS fic compared to that), and these boys are going to need to spend a really solid amount of time working through where they are as people and how they've treated each other (on both ends). eddie definitely has a lot of apologizing to do and is going to really need to prove to steve that he has grown and changed, and is still growing. steve definitely still has wounds from the way eddie has treated him (aka: as disposable), though steve has also made choices in this fic that are going to have serious repercussions.

ultimately, eddie absolutely makes a bad call here when he kicks steve out and refuses to listen to him, and he focuses so hard on all of steve's faults that he really ignores his own (as we often do when fighting with someone who riles us up). but the thing is: he mades a bad call because he has been hurt over and over, and he is STILL hurting with the fact that steve just kind of wants to gloss over everything and go back to their previous arrangement, when it has substantially changed eddie's life. don't forget he's also got brenner over his head and he is terrified of losing his career, so he's trying to take brenner's warning to heart, he just isn't very good at communication (all characters in this fic need therapy should be a tag, huh?).

at the end of the day, we have two characters here with their own faults, insecurities, and struggles. steve (as we'll get into in the sequel!) has his own self worth problems and has always been one to try to smooth over problems and just 'get back to normal' even if it's no longer working for the people around him (see: his breakup with nancy in canon). he is going to need eddie to prove that he's in it, that he wants this as much as steve did. eddie's got faults too, he's a hair trigger who's quick to jump and slower to think through the way his actions read. his original plan here was to sit down and talk to steve after the game but when steve changes things with the kiss, well, he gets caught up.

for me this was a good stopping point because it marks a solid conclusion of eddie's arc (from their first encounter where he still thinks he hates steve, through all these issues of his interpretation of steve's sexuality and fear of being outed, working through what it means for eddie to be queer and out in hockey not on his own terms, etc). steve taking the steps to fix it, to prove to eddie that he's all in, is what eddie needed to conclude this arc, to know that steve is going to stick it out even when it's really really hard.

but it's not the end of their character development, and in a lot of ways this marks the beginning of a huge change for steve. in the background of this fic he's spent a lot of time coming to terms with his sexuality and he thinks that this is going to "fix" it and solve their problems, but he's just opened himself up to a lot of issues and he's going to need eddie to reassure him and support him as they deal with the (absolutely massive) problems that coming out like this is going to cause them.

anyways, phew. tldr: eddie absolutely has apologizing to do, and a lot to make up for and to prove to steve that he is as in it as he is in his head. but steve has more things to overcome too, and they will hurt each other again (as humans do!) before they figure things out. they have a lot to get through as a couple in the sequel, from BOTH sides. I've tried to write this whole verse as balanced as I can (though having single character POV can often make things feel less balanced, even if they're not!) and that's going to continue to be a theme in the sequel.

#carve your name into my chest #steddie hockey au #steddie hockey fic #PHEW this was a lot #i was just so excited to have someone catch this and i wanted to go through where i was coming from with this choice #hex is writing #hex writes stuff #meta analysis of my own fic #i loved getting to write all this out haha

[sol-consort]

Greetings Shepard Commander or would it be Pathfinder Ryder?

How are you doing and/or how has this week been going? What ever you feel comfortable sharing?

I've claimed a paracetamol pill as my personal desk pet because I got too attached to throw it out. I pet it on occasion.

It's the end of the day, one hour away from my bedtime and fuck I am so tired and exhausted and sleepy. You really just wake up tired one day as an adult, and stay this way for the rest of your life, huh?

I've written a bit today, working on the salarian hug post and polished the Thane fic a bit more. By "writting" I mean debated for half an hour if I should make it a female salarian since I made the krogan a male to balance things out.

Which led to a looking up info about salarians and finding out their population is 90% males, leading to females having only the most important jobs. Also that Andromeda throws a bowling ball at the delicate champagne glasses tower that is the mass effect word building by making a single salarian woman work in a warehouse.

How their population stay alive, you ask? Their females birth clutches of eggs.

I decided to make it a guy in the end, might make the turian a woman then. Drell def guy bc I don't know what female drell are. Or maybe make it all guys? I want there to be a balance but I don't want to force it when I really wanted to write a guy so ehh.

I try not to talk about my writing process too much, it muddies up the final product. It's like magicians refusing to give up the secrets to their tricks. It's a very messy and clumsy process here back at the writing kitchens and I rather you think the finished piece was definitely well-thought out and made by a sane person.

Anyway so back to my pet pill.

I was cleaning my desk and apparently a pill fell out of a paracetamol sheet that I didn't notice until the next day. It's been open too long so it's contaminated by now and shouldn't be consumed. I was about to throw it away but I stopped and stared.

It's so...adorable?

The endearing oval shape, the lovely white colour. Flawless like a sheet of paper or a white daisy in a field. How much these little pills helped me through headaches. The cute cut in the middle of the pill to help you split it.

I have a vivid memory of the first time I have ever took paracetamol. I was young, around 7 years old and I had this migrane that wouldn't go away thanks to my dad passing me the genes.

My brother who was studying in med school at the time, gave me half a pill. I didn't know how to swallow pills yet, I choked on the first one and spit it out, only by the second time did I manage to get it down with so much water.

Look at me now, so used to meds I easily swallow 3 at a time with a small sip of juice through a straw. Sometimes down them with monster energy.

Anyway, so I took the half pill, which must have been like what? 250mg? If not less, because he might have just given me one quarter of a pill. 20 minutes later I'm fully out, slept through the entire day.

My blood was so pure back then, and resistance low. It was a fond memory, I got many headaches as a kid but I always suffered through them with a brave face and that was the first time I realised something as small as a couple grains of rice can bring so much relief.

I still suffer through the headaches, I try not to depend on pain killers too much since I don't want to build up an immunity and have to move on to stronger ones. I keep a balance yk? But today was unbearable and I gave in.

So that memory flashed through me when I saw that stray pill on the desk. I'll keep it there just to look at it, it feels like a friend.

I've been reading about the medicine and its history. Apparently, it targets different pain receivers than Ibuprofen, so the two of them could be used together for better pain relief. Also,

But it was very different at first and even toxic! It literally choked your body tissue cells by preventing the hemoglobin from binding oxygen and causing cyanosis. It was known as Antifebrin.

So, in 1877, it was officially synthesised as paracetamol, but it was only during 1887 that it was used on humans by Joseph von Mering.

funfact, to prevent your cells from choking out, all your body cells must be at least within 100 micrometers of a blood vessel for their oxygen to be delivered in time.

Funfact. This info is qouted directly from my memory and I'm currently factchecking it to try and find If it's actually accurate but no relevant results so far.

Funfact. Okay, I found this research paper that actually goes in depth about this and supports my funfact.

Also your red blood cells do not require oxygen! The only body cells that don't need oxygen are the same ones delivering it. HA.

Cells are the same size right? So an ant and a human have the same size cells, just different amounts. Correct so far.

So the thing with cancer is, it happens by probability. All of us get cancer multiple times a day and our immune systems take care of it. It's only dangerous when it slips by long enough to become a tumor.

Now, based on the laws of probability, the more cells the higher risk of an error in cell division aka the higher the cancer risk? Right?

Wrong.

For some fucking reason, bigger animals than us with so many more cells, have very very veryyyy low cancer rates when they shouldn't. Take elephants or whales for example. Something in their genes either overcame the cell division error prone OR made their immune system much better at detecting stray cells that refuse to self destruct.

Analysing elephant genomes like TP53 gene showed that elephants developed a suppresser to stop damaged cells from dividing and ending the hydra before it could grow another head. As side effects, it lead to elephants having more cell deaths and low DNA repair mechanisms.

Elcors come to mind. Is the fact they still communicate by phormones rather than sounds related to some bargaining chip they had to cash in order to accommodate for their big sizes? Like we humans, paid a shit tone of gene money and got in gene debt for our brains that took so many years to pay off. That's why only the homosapians are left.

Where did the elcor genomes cash in all the saved up unused evolution points? And how did they exactly evolve to be self aware when most animals with their line of evolution end up as herd animals with survival and procreation as their only goal? Was it a mutation that lucked out or did natural evolution actually saw it benfical for them to develop self awareness in order to survive?

Are elcor just immune to all diseases, maybe? Do they have an especially naturally high success birth rate without the need for surgery or medical intervention? Are their stomach biomes simply superior, and they never get stomaches?

And why do Krogans have tails?

Okay, I'm going off topic.

What was the main topic?

Ah yes me.

Uh.

I really appreciate you btw, and the way you refer to me as "commander Shepard" in these asks.

The first time it happened, I was caught off guard and I loved it so much I didn't want to answer the ask because it meant I won't be able to see it in my inbox anymore. I wanted to keep a copy and frame it just to save my happiness, I was literally this picture.

Fjowjfkwsb

It's just so?????? Validating? Like YES I AM COMMANDWR SHEPAPRD YES THANKS JDQKJD <333

Then it happened a second time and I was oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!♡!!♡♡♡♡♡

It's been a while since you dropped by so It completely left my mind. I opened my asks yesterday and I saw this and AAAAAA i love you so much.

Like for I moment I was like twirling my hair and giggling. Especially the addition of Ryder at the end. dude I am saving this ask. I've been opening my inbox just to look at it and feel happy. Like you noticed that I'm playing andromeda now? Kdjqojdakndos <33

Oh and I've been playing helldivers 2 lately! It's so much better than I expected. I never imagined a day would come where I'd willingly touch a coop fps, nor the day where I don't suck at fps. Dude all i knew before mass effect was far cry 4 and even then I used a bow! Dude I am not built for fps bc honestly mass effect is not the training you think it is. I played with a controller.

And yet...I'm actually good. It's like legit good! I am useful and my aim is good and I've helped people so many times. Plus, I have more to show up for than just aim like attention to details plus support capabilities, so I'm great in teams. At this rate, I might get deep rock galatic and join the public servers without fear of having shit aim while playing with strangers.

It feels...nice. Weird but nice. Almost like I'm invading someone else's community, even in mass effect I feel like I'm an outisder and it shows yk? Something in me just seems off in comparison to the rest of the community...but I want to stay and I want to keep writing for it. I want to keep trying even if no one is there because I genuinely love it. The mass effect universe and I'm starting to love shooter games.

I played moba like league a lot, I have experience with toxic coop so nothing fps games throw at me could compare.

I'm

I will carve myself a place in this fandom if I have to.

For every vent post I share, 10 go to drafts and 50 end up unwritten. There is so much emotions and I care more about reception to my writing than I let on. I read every reblog and post, I notice everything. I compare the numbers always.

I wish I cared less. I wish I cared like you guys cared. You all seem so happy, so unaffected. Do you just not show it, or is this your reality?

Anyway.

I'm better now anon. I was worse before I wrote this, and now I'm much better. Thank you for this chance. I can't repay your kindness, I just hope life gives it back to you in some way soon.

My mom's birthday is soon, I'm preparing for it. I'm a little sad because I bought her handmade knitted flowers, a full bouquet of them in her favourite colour. And she loves knitting but can't anymore. I thought she'd love them but she didn't, my plan was to buy her a bouquet every major celebration until the house is full of them. I don't know how to knit but, it stings less that it's not me who made them at least.

And the page had very cute knitted dolls! I might order one for myself. They make it by hand and sent me pictures of the wool before they made it, their prices is too good too! Like knitting is super hard and time consuming, yet they sell it as the same price as regular flowers? They should charge more for it, I was prepared to pay much more, double their asking price even because I understand the luxury of handmade stuff.

I refunded a steam game recently because fanatical added it in a bundle and it's cheaper there. It's the third game I refunded this week yet steam were very understanding! It's a nice surprise.

I want to write more but I don't have the time or energy. I'm afraid I'll lose my readers attention. I also feel guilty whenever I see my regulars reblogging and liking older posts because it meant they came to my blog looking for updates and found nothing so they reread past stuff instead.

Oh and I wanted to name my ship in helldivers 2 after destiny ascension :( they didn't let me :(

It was either dream of destiny or song of peace so I went with song of peace.

To DELIVER PEACE WITH MY SHOTGUN RIFLE YEEHAW THAT'S TRUE DIPLOMACY BABBYY.

I got stuck under the map once, good times, good times.

It took me 2 hours to write this. Most of the time was spent factchecking the information I claimed above but still.

I'll go sleep, listen to some music. Fkhwkfns look at my title as commander shepard in you ask again and listen to some music while imagining fake scenarios where I am commander Shepard and I WIN!

I hope you sleep well anon! Take care of your.

#☆other

[johnnys-green-pen]

E! fic: Rainy Day Revelations

Johnny/Roy, rated T, first kisses, fluff. 2k-ish words. For @hitchcock-winter Johnny and Roy get stuck in the squad together due to weather and technical issues - but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. [read this fic on AO3] (normally I don't do fics on tumblr if I can't help it, but since the Archive is currently getting DDOS'd, I'll make an exception. Consider reading the fic over there too once AO3 is back up again!)

Roy had found his own personal, petty version of hell. He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d done to deserve this, but clearly he’d committed some kind of dire transgression against the powers that be. Divine punishment for slacking off while filling out that report about the dumpster fire earlier, maybe.

The situation he’d found himself in wouldn’t have been all that great even under normal circumstances. They were stuck – in the squad, on the wrong side of a hill, down a narrow access road that was currently turning into a river of rust-colored mud. The wind was howling around the side mirrors, tugging at the boxy metal frame. It wasn’t like they were in any real, immediate danger, but the squad had stalled about half an hour ago and was now stubbornly refusing to turn on again. They’d managed to alert dispatch – and even that had been a little dicey, what with the hill between them and the HQ, but this one thing hadn’t gone wrong at least – but they’d also been warned straight away that it would probably take a while until someone got around to them. Inclement weather, and all that.

And, well, normally that would’ve been pretty annoying already, just on principle – they definitely had something better to do. Helping people, for example, doing the work they were actually getting paid for, eating lunch… but Johnny’d gotten dumped yet again yesterday, and that alone was turning this minor setback into a major catastrophe.

It was a strange mixture of emotions that Roy was experiencing as he listened to Johnny prattle on about his first date that had been “really not that bad, honest,” explained at length how he didn’t understand why the girl in question had just left him hanging and refused to explain herself when he’d tried to ask her out on a second date. Annoyance, both at the endless stream of words and Johnny’s painful obliviousness and refusal to ever take a hint or learn his lesson. A certain amount of pity, because Johnny really was doing his best, probably, even if he was horribly dense about anything related to romance. And, well, a nasty, gnawing sense of jealousy that he’d never truly forgive himself for. Johnny wasn’t his to love, he knew that, obviously, but knowing that and feeling that were two different things entirely. It was nearly physically painful to be sitting here with the dim, cloudy sky casting soft shadows across his partner’s stunningly pretty face, gently accentuating those long, dense lashes, the graceful swoop of his cheekbones, the soft lips, and hear him go on and on about how he’d tried to make this one work out but clearly still hadn’t done enough.

Roy could hardly blame the girls that Johnny insisted on going out with; he had this horrible habit of only ever picking the ones whose personalities clashed with Johnny’s own the most, the ones who didn’t share a single interest with him, like he had this image in his head of how a relationship should look; man and woman, clearly delineated, off in their own spheres. Like being unhappy was part of the relationship package. They’d be foolish to keep him around. Roy knew that. Clearly, so did they. Maybe Johnny knew it, too, but he’d never be able to admit it; he was too much of a sore loser. Painfully insecure, maybe. So, no, Roy didn’t blame the girls, and he didn’t really have it in him to blame Johnny, either, but having to listen to a play-by-play of yet another failed relationship was rapidly driving him all kinds of nuts.

“We even kissed!” Johnny’s petulant voice pierced the veil of his thoughts. “And then I call her on the weekend, and suddenly she’s telling me to get lost!” Johnny paused and cocked his head. “Do you think I’m a bad kisser?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Roy replied, miraculously managing to sound casual, “I’ve never kissed you.”

Johnny sighed, all sad brown eyes and miserable slouching, and it was all Roy could do not to lean over and try out Johnny’s kissing skills for himself.

“I wish you could tell me what I’m doing wrong,” Johnny said. 

“What good would that do?” Roy asked back. “Shouldn’t you ask the girls you’re going out with?”

“Well, maybe I just trust your opinion more than theirs,” Johnny replied, like that didn’t perfectly sum up at least half of why his dates never worked out. “Besides, I did.”

“Did what?” 

“Asked the girl,” Johnny said, an edge of impatience coloring his words.

Roy huffed. That question must’ve gone over well.

“So, what’d she say?” he asked, curiosity winning out over common sense.

“That if I didn’t know by now, there’d be no point in telling me,” Johnny said, his puzzled expression mirroring Roy’s own. “And that was just really unhelpful.”

Despite his better judgment, Roy wanted to know more. Besides, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do right now anyway.

“Well,” Roy said slowly, “what’d you do on the date?”

“I already told you earlier,” Johnny huffed, and Roy had a feeling that his partner didn’t just mean his off-handed mention of a kiss. He must’ve tuned out Johnny’s ramblings a little too successfully.

“Well, let’s go over it again in more detail,” Roy suggested, “and maybe we can figure out just what the heck she was on about.”

Johnny nodded eagerly.

“So, I met her at the restaurant, right? Cute little Italian place, great spaghetti, nothing fancy but I swear it’s a perfectly decent place for a date. Pretty popular too, I think.”

“You did ask her if she liked Italian food, right?” Roy asked.

“Yeah – well, no, she suggested it before I could ask, but I mean… what’s the difference, right?”

“Right,” Roy replied, knowing perfectly well that the difference could be enormous, but also not really wanting to get into it, at least not yet. “And then?”

“Well, then we went inside, got a table and ordered food.”

“So, what were you talking about?” Roy asked. 

“Oh man… work, traffic, food… I told her about your Beef Bourguignon from a couple months ago, remember that?”

“‘Course I remember,” Roy replied. “Why were you talking about me on your date?” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Johnny asked back. “I mean, we spend one day out of three together, you know? That’s a pretty major part of my life, and I figure that’s worth talking about with a prospective girlfriend.”

That’s not at all how that works, Roy thought, but held his tongue for now. 

“Well,” he said instead, “what else did you talk about?”

“Oh, this ‘n that,” Johnny replied. “You know, the usual. Hobbies, workplace anecdotes, weekend plans… I think I told her about our fishing trip next week.”

And there he was again, taking up conversational space during Johnny’s date. No wonder she’d refused to go on another one, if Johnny insisted on turning every conversation into the Johnny-and-Roy-Show. 

It was gratifying though, knowing that Johnny was failing to get dates because of him, however indirectly. That wasn’t a thought he was particularly proud of, but then again, he had plenty of thoughts involving Johnny that he wasn’t particularly proud of, thoughts of the kind that he’d had for ages. Thoughts he’d chalked up to his hormones running awry when they’d first shown up, back when he was still an acne-ridden teenager with a voice that wouldn’t stop cracking at the worst times. Thoughts he’d blamed on the stresses and frustrations of basic training afterward. Thoughts he didn’t really have much of an excuse for now, except that Johnny-and-Roy-Show. 

Damn it all.

This whole situation was dangerous and alluring, sitting alone with Johnny in the grey twilight, off in their own world, the curtains of water still pouring down outside locking them in place inside the squad; that oddly intimate space that had always lent itself to heartfelt conversations about things that would’ve remained unspoken anywhere else. 

They were alone. No oversight. Nobody who could judge them beyond the two of them and the big guy above – and Him, Roy’d never had a particularly close relationship with.

Johnny was still looking at him, innocence personified, seemingly not even realizing that he kept constructing his entire life around their partnership. Not realizing how monumental that was. 

Roy sighed.

“Johnny…” he slowly said, “has it ever occurred to you that the girls you’re going out with don’t want to hear about some other guy on their first date with you? That it makes them feel… I dunno, inadequate or unimportant or something like that?”

Johnny mulled that one over for a while, before catching Roy’s gaze.

“So… you don’t think it’s my kissing that’s scaring them off?”

Johnny was still looking at him, holding eye contact, and Roy was starting to get the distinct impression that Johnny wasn’t nearly as oblivious as he was trying to appear. Not even Johnny was that utterly clueless.

It almost seemed as if…

but no, it couldn’t be.

Except…

“You know…” he said. “Maybe I should put your kissing skills to the test.”

It was a leap of faith, but maybe he needed to take a risk for once, one that wasn’t related to his job – or at least not in the usual sense. Besides, he could always brush the whole thing off as a joke if he’d misread the situation after all.

Despite everything, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears, like he’d climbed up too high without a safety line and caught a glimpse of what lay below.

Johnny’s relieved half-grin and clear lack of shocked disgust did a lot to reassure him. 

“Would you really do that for me?” he asked, caught somewhere between playful and something deeper, something yearning.

“Beats talking to you about your dates…” Roy muttered, delighting in Johnny’s playfully offended ‘Hey!’

“C’mere, then,” Roy said, trying to mask his nervousness and anticipation with a gentle challenge, “and show me what you’ve got.”

He could’ve sworn he heard a whispered “oh, finally,” but it was hard to be sure as Johnny practically pounced on him, slightly chilled fingers finding the back of his neck, his lips suddenly on Roy’s. It was good – heated and perfectly and admirably shameless, making it easy to respond in kind. Johnny moaned against his lips, and Roy reached out and slid his hands into Johnny’s hair as he deepened the kiss just that little bit more, getting lost in the moment, their noises mixing with the patter of the rain against that trusty metal roof.

When they finally separated, they were both breathing hard. Johnny looked at him, flushed and fond, and giggled, kiss-drunk and heady.

“Not…” Roy began, pausing to catch his breath. “Not that it matters, I think, but I have a hunch that your kissing was the only reason you ever got any second dates.”

“An interesting theory,” Johnny gasped out between heavy breaths, and his grin broadened, “but what if the last kiss was a fluke? I think this requires more testing.”

“Well,” Roy replied, “the rain’s still pouring, so I think we have time–”

“Extensive,” Johnny interrupted him, and something in his eyes told Roy that this one was serious, more so than he let on, “and long-term testing.”

Ah.

“You know…” Roy said, “I’m free on Wednesday, so if you’d like to continue this then…”

“An excellent start,” Johnny replied, with a clear emphasis on the ‘start’. “Your place or mine?”

Roy shrugged. “Mine? I’ll cook dinner.”

“Ooh, I knew I picked the right guy.”

Roy huffed. “You’re insatiable,” he said fondly.

“Just making up for lost time,” Johnny replied, sounding more than a little wistful. “I’m glad you caught on, I was really startin’ to worry that I’d been wrong about you after all.”

“How long have you known?” Roy asked.

“Oh, about since you conveniently showed up in my paramedic training class for no good reason, but this isn’t the kinda thing you act on without being really damn sure about it, you know.”

Oh boy, did he know.

“You’re aware that we’ll have to talk about all of this eventually?” Roy asked. “Properly, I mean.”

“Eventually, yeah,” Johnny replied. “Now, you said something about having time for another round earlier?”

“Insatiable,” Roy repeated, but he happily obliged.

#emergency! #fanfic #penworks #johnny gage #roy desoto

[kitchenisking]

Author Appreciation Fic Rec Part 1😍

Hello everyone! This rec series is going to be 10 fics written by an author who I love and have read their stories multiple times!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope that you like them as much as I did and go read their another stuff that I didn't post.

this specific author wrote one of the very fist fics that I read in this Hamden and I loved it so much I went and read all their other stuff! I had a really hard time picking my 10 favorite to rec for you guys!😝🙈

Please remember to show love to out authors❤️

So without further ado here we go!

You drive me crazy... But it feels alright. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 8796, sterek)

“Wait... Why exactly are you avoiding me?” Stiles jabs a finger at Derek’s chest.

Derek growls and grabs his hand.

“Because I embarrassed you. Because you came to me to keep you safe and because of how I feel about you, I couldn’t do the one thing you asked. I couldn’t handle it,” Derek says and he looks down to the floor again.

Stiles breaks a little inside and he takes Derek’s chin in his hand.

“You’re an ass.” Stiles says softly.

“You’re the ass.” Derek mutters, refusing to look at him.

“Look. Let’s just go back to a week ago. Popcorn on the couch, friends having fun, no feelings involved,” Stiles offers. 

It might just make his heart shrivel up and his dick fall off but he will take Derek any way he can have him.

“I don’t know if I can,” Derek looks destroyed when he finally looks at him, “Smelling you like that... I can’t get it out of my head. It’s driving me crazy.”

Stiles colours, blush creeping up his neck and Derek tracks it with a groan. 

Derek’s traitorous mind supplies a vivid image that it probably creeps down his neck and right down his body.

Anything you want. Always. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 7084, sterek)

Derek is unprepared when Stiles wraps his long arms around his torso and buries his face in his neck, a gesture so wolf like it has Derek’s eyes flashing. Stiles is freezing cold, soaking wet from melting snow clinging to his coat. Derek instinctively hugs him back, wanting to warm him up, protect him. Stiles must realise what he’s done, how close he is and goes to pull back. They’ve never hugged before. Derek growls softly, involuntarily and hugs him tighter.

Perfect by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 6067, sterek)

Derek stands frozen when he enters the house for the second time that evening and he inhales deeply. The smell of Stiles both soothes and enrages him again.

Not on my watch. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 4795, sterek)

Derek spots Stiles at the bar. He walks over to him, trying to be calm, but when he sees the other Alpha with his hand on Stiles’ leg and Stiles’ stiff posture, he loses it. He growls low and the Alpha looks up smirking and very slowly takes his hand away, squeezing Stiles’ knee.

Two single Pringles, ready to mingle. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 16334, sterek)

“That was the longest shift of my life,” Derek complains, voice low, rubbing his stubble.

“Yeah, what are you on now, thirteen hours? You must be beat,” Stiles sympathises. 

“It’s not because of the long hours,” Derek pins him with a look. “My mind’s been... elsewhere.”

“Oh? How come?” Stiles whispers flirtatiously and he leans over the desk.

“You know how come,” Derek murmurs back, leaning over and running his hand up Stiles’ arm.

“No clue,” Stiles smirks.

If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as hell. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 14365, sterek)

Derek tries and fails to shut his gaping mouth as Stiles arrives at his desk, heartbeat rabbiting a little faster than usual.

Stiles grabs a file out of his desk, muttering something about forgetting to mail it yesterday and needing to get it down to filing by Monday. Derek’s barely paying attention, unable to concentrate with the scent of him right under his nose.

He leans over Derek to grab an empty envelope from their shared stationary tray and Derek knows he’s absolutely fucked when he sees how his trousers are moulded to his perfect ass.

“So.... how do I look?” Stiles asks casually as he stands back up, as if his very presence hasn’t just given Derek a very sudden and uncomfortable boner.

He looks like he should be on the cover of GQ.

What Derek wants to say, what he really means to say, is that he looks fine. Quite nice, even.

What comes out of his mouth is so far from that, it’s almost ridiculous.

“You can’t go out looking like that!” Derek manages, sounding choked.

Stiles pales.

Geek on the streets, freak in the sheets. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 9396, sterek)

Derek looks at him like he’s a complete idiot.

“You’re a complete idiot,” Derek growls. 

Good to know Stiles is still well versed in deciphering Derek’s facial expressions.

“Don’t talk to me like that. You don’t get to just act like Mr Alpha badass whenever it suits you, controlling me like I’m sixteen again. I can do what I like, see who I like, fuck whoever...” and Stiles doesn’t get to finish that sentence because he’s being shoved back into the door.

His head bangs softly against it and Derek is far too close to him. Stiles can feel his breath on his face.

Stiles licks his lips nervously and the way Derek’s eyes follow the movement makes him feel exposed. Stiles shudders.

He pokes Derek in the chest.

“Bad wolf. Der, I need... I need some space to get... to get over... just to find where I fit, now I’m back here for good,” Stiles says.

“I know where you goddamn fit,” Derek growls.

I’m leaving you behind, but it’s not the end. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 5510, sterek)

His Dad had sent Derek to fetch him from the plane and Stiles’ jaw had hit the floor when he came around the corner in the airport, clutching his rucksack. 

Deputy Derek Hale in full uniform had been standing waiting for him, looking surly as ever and his brain was not computing.

Stiles still hadn’t recovered from it, if he’s honest. You think you’ve put a silly teenage crush behind you and wham, suddenly it’s in your face, stubblier and grumpier than ever, dressed in your Dad’s clothing. 

It was super confusing for him, thank you very much.

So when Derek had refused to let him leave after the meeting, it didn’t bother Stiles as half as much as that realisation had.

“You smell so bad,” Derek had growled, folding his arms.

“Well I must say if you’re trying to get into my pants, your charm could use some work,” Stiles had rolled his eyes.

Derek had stalked toward him, backing him up against the wall and leant into him, absurdly close.

When Stiles had tilted his head without even thinking about it, he knew he was screwed. Damn his pack instincts, and damn the sheer sexiness that was Derek Hale.

Maybe you left your mark. by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 12144, sterek)

Derek nods and as Stiles walks away, he can’t help but follow him to the doors. He pulls on a spare scrub top as he goes, to cover the destroyed one.

He watches Stiles go to where Scott’s waiting in the police cruiser and Derek gets this insane urge to follow him outside.

Stiles gives him a big, dopey grin and a little wave and Derek can’t help but smile back, something in his chest loosening. Something that feels a lot like hope.

Derek really doesn’t want to let him out of his sight. 

When Melissa comes up to him and puts an arm around his shoulders, Derek faces her and he wonders if he looks as lost as he feels.

“I like him...” Derek offers, quietly.

“Oh sweetie,” Melissa says, giving him a little squeeze and a smile. “Don’t look so surprised. That boy’s adored you since he was twelve years old, I’m shocked it took you so long to notice.”

Cookies, coffee and shut the fucupcakes by DropsOfAddiction - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 26236, sterek)

“Ok. I’ve got a few shirts with me because I came here straight from work, but I think it’s going to be a tight fit. I know I’m not as skinny as I used to be but I’m not exactly the same hunky physique as you, oh grand macho werewolf,” Stiles shrugs.

Derek runs his eyes blatantly over Stiles’ chest.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Derek mutters, and he slams his mouth shut, teeth audibly clacking together, as if he really hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Stiles flushes but he heads upstairs to grab Derek a spare dark shirt. When he gets back to the kitchen, Derek’s already shed his dirty shirt and he’s helping himself to Stiles’ half empty mug of coffee, neck thrown back as he drinks.

Stiles literally looks to the heavens because he must have done something really good in a past life to be awarded with the sight of Derek Hale’s naked, very firm, slightly hairy torso parading around his dad’s kitchen before eleven in the morning. 

Drinking his coffee. Stiles’ mouth had just been on that mug. Right where Derek’s mouth is.

By elementary school rules of dating (ie sharing a bottle, your mouth touching where someone else’s mouth was just touching, sharing cooties) they’re now married.

#sterek #derek hale #stiles stilinski #fanfiction #stiles x derek #ficrec #fanfic #kitcheniskingficrecs #author appreciation

[kitkatt0430]

F and G?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Oh, really? So you all didn't manipulate me into being the one who convinced Master Ansem to make that special lab for running experiments on hearts? I wanted so badly to prove I was one of you, that I could be taken seriously despite my age and you all… you used and lied to me. Every single one of you. Because Xehanort had us all so caught up in his cult of personality that you told a child that his guardian… his only remaining family had abandoned him. And that it was my fault for helping hide our experiments from him. You made me think he'd gone mad and I was to blame. I knew our experiments were wrong, but you were the adults. I followed your examples because I thought I could trust you to do the right thing, to protect me. I shouldn't have needed protecting from you!"

Part of Ienzo going off at Aeleus in Hearts in a Void

The full scene is that Aeleus started teasing Ienzo about his 'girlfriend', who was a friend who'd read into Ienzo's friendliness the wrong way since Ienzo is aromantic and instead of accepting she'd made a mistake and staying friends with him is now giving him the cold shoulder. It's sort of a 'straw the broke the camel's back' moment. Ienzo hasn't been feeling respected by Aeleus or Dilan as a coworker already and he's been stressed over realizing he isn't interested in romantic relationships and the way he was treated as a child was very manipulative and abusive - something Aeleus and Dilan were a big part of. And they never really apologized for any of it.

It was really cathartic to write, really. When I was first figuring out that I'm aromantic, my sister wasn't taking my refusal to sign up for online dating seriously - she never signed me up without my permission, but only because my brother-in-law convinced her that'd be a bad idea. Thank goodness for him, really. In retrospect my parents didn't really realize I was telling them I was queer when I came out to them the first time around. And my dad has a tendency to treat verbal arguments like he's won if I tear up - guess who stress cries easily?

Writing a character confronting someone who'd wronged him and wasn't listening when repeatedly corrected was something I really needed to write out. And while things have improved for me over the years - my sister is now a big supporter despite our differences and my parents actually understand that me being aromantic and asexual are my queer identities now (though dad's still a dick when we argue about something - he doesn't like to be told he's wrong and absolutely moves goalposts mid argument, multiple times, if it means 'winning'). I think the feelings I got onto the page for that fic are still with me and have influenced other fics as well. But there was just something particularly special about writing for Ienzo in that fic that I come back to when I'm struggling with my family over something.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

So I usually write start to finish. But not always, which would frustrate me a lot before I started treating my ideas as something that could stretch across a series of fics. That way I can write a single fic, start to finish, but in terms of its placement within the larger story, maybe it's way down in the timeline and the next fic I write could be at an earlier point. I still mostly tend to write the separate fics within a series in chronological order, but I'm a lot more comfortable writing things out of order than I used to. It doesn't lock me up or frustrate me which has definitely shown itself in how much I write and post these days.

Send me an ask about my writing :D

#kitkatt0430 answers #writer ask meme