#i say this as a pretty attractive person

[potuzzz]

frankly attractive people are no different as a class than rich people, white people, etc., i do not judge or like to judge anybody but when a pretty person earns my contempt i am rarely surprised

#i say this as a pretty attractive person #like daily average 7/10 give or take 1.5 depending on your taste and if i showered or worked out within the last 96 hours #yt people #suburbanites #yuppies #eat the rich #suburban #middle class #upper middle class #intersectionality #intersectional social justice #low expectations #bullying #top 40 #npcs

[tariah23]

This is such a harmful sentiment to push considering that you don’t necessarily have to be “attractive,” (beauty is subjective, yada yada) in order for men to want to harm you in the slightest… like man, what…

#the lady talks about being followed and harassed and so on as if every woman and girl in the world regardless of their age and #‘good looks’ #hasn’t experienced this and will continue to #I hate when these girls especially ones who are conveniently attractive talk about stuff like this under the guise of speaking for all #women while x-ing out most women #this easily leads into the realm of ‘you’re too ugly/fat to be assaulted ANYWAY-‘ #talk that I see spread by misogynists and bird brained women like it’s such a natural thing to even say it’s actually rly scary #especially when it comes to the assault shit which is usually about power and control anyway #they don’t care what you look like #you could be covered up head to toe and someone would try to hurt you just because #I hate when women like this go online thinking that they said something open their mouths I really do #rambling #tw assault #got dudes in the comments going ‘she’s not even pretty anyway she’s like a 4 out of 10’ #completely missing the message (as if they care) and see #these are the kinds of people that stuff like this attracts #stuff like this coming out of a woman’s mouth especially is so dangerous #I don’t think I’m the most good looking person in the world and I’ve been followed sm times I had to run away from a guy once and luckily #my bus was right fucking there!!! #then the guy who was harassing me years ago at a bus stop and forced me to hug him and touched my butt and no one else was around to help #me… #and he kept on trying to get me to go back to his apartment around the corner like that was so #the man who followed me into the store as I was shopping and I noticed that he kept on staring at me #then tried to holla and he looked way older than me and I think he was a pastor or something too he had a nice car and tried to get me to #come with him #sm more incidents over the years like this is crazy pls don’t say stuff like this and act like it’s normal #someone in the comments said that people like the woman in the video think that being pretty will free them from the patriarchy and like… #YEAH 😭 #it’s so obvious too lmfao #these be the same women calling themselves ‘girls girls’’

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

#i still dont really understand how they got away with this kind of thing honestly #female VAs i get that - but first m/m kiss in an anime in episode THREE????? #theres also the maraich/thomas episode where they are *Both* voiced by women....advanced yuri #patalliro #i love how bancorans gender expression is pretty much explicitly to attract only bishounen #you blushed - so you must not be a girl #etc #i also love how joyful it all is #theres never anything sad or tragic about being gay - only that bancoran is forced to kill the bishounen spies/assassins/etc #when bancoran finds out that gay sex feels good after demian; in the manga he is elated. its basically a positive thing #he awakens to his true power...lol #also notable is that while bishounen youth is glorified maraich is still 18. #besides making the show more palatable; this means it portrays being gay as an adult as normal #according to the NYT japan's psychiatric body called homosexuality a mental illness until 1995 #im not going to say patalliro changed that or anything lmao but its just significant to me that banmara get to live their lives happily #especially contrasting that with kaze to ki no uta and other manga of the time (no shade intended) #yaoi #<- for tagging purposes #obviously it also got away with a lot by being a gag manga. but still! #months later edit: want to say im not intending to moralize BL manga from the 2000s either. like gen. no hate on them. #as a gay person i just appreciate when characters who act gay are considered gay textually #and its kind of disheartening how gay-as-identity was treated as something incredulous in those manga a lot of the time #even the mere suggestion of attraction to men as a whole and not just the other male lead...yknow

[localthumbcache]

hes pretty or whatever

#sims 4 #ts4 #sims #simblr #the sims 4 #i like using some of my vamps as a way to represent things #blake here represents how society thinks that beauty is a marker for good #we live in such a aesthetically-focused society that whenever pretty people do bad things its often ignored/not taken seriously #he knows that his looks (and money and vampire allure) give him power #and people will continue to give him that power because hes attractive and one of the top male models in the industry #hes a shitty person. he says bigoted things whether he believes them or not and often contradicts himself. hes manipulative and has #destroyed the lives of others - rich or poor/celeb or not #ts4 screenshots #s4 #the sims community #my sims #ts4 simblr #ts4 cas #the sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 screenshots #*blake petrov

[jay-wasreblogging]

"What do Sherlock and John actually look like though?"

That's the beauty of audio dramas, the characters will look however you believe them to look!! Go wild. Go calm. Go imagine whatever.

Personally for me, novels and audio will always default to Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.

#ppl unsure of the 'fandom canon' listennnn its whatever you thinking until they say something different but even then its what you think #not like its projecting images into your mind - it's your imagination doing it!! you envision bbc sherlock? granada sherlock? #its all valid i mean when you read novels or smt I'm pretty sure we all envision our own characters or real life attractive person or smt #my sherlock & co characters are a mix of bbc sherlock - rdj/jude law sherlock - Sharokku (japanese) sherlock - acd sherlock #sherlock & co #sherlock and co #john watson #sherlock #sherlock holmes #johnlock #goalhanger podcasts

[anghraine]

I’ve been thinking about the development of Elizabeth’s feelings for Darcy in P&P, and one of the things I find really intriguing is how incredibly careful Austen is in her handling of their physical attraction to each other.

A lot of takes on Darcy’s initial attraction to Elizabeth focus entirely on the physical element, but Austen’s description of it folds together his attraction to her intelligence, her expression, her body, and the “easy playfulness” of her manner. Of these, the earliest mentioned is his realization that her face is “rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes” and her eyes are the physical feature that he seems to dwell on the most.

At any rate, Darcy’s attraction to Elizabeth is established early on (Ch 6) and continues as a thread from that point on. And—I mean, even in 1813, it’s one thing to show a man in his twenties being attracted to the pretty heroine. Austen is a lot cagier about Elizabeth’s feelings.

The narrative is structured so that we know Darcy is physically attractive from his entrance in Ch 3, when the narrator refers to “his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien” along with his wealth. But we’re not in Elizabeth’s head at that point, and iirc, she isn’t shown as saying or thinking anything about his physical attractiveness until she blushingly agrees that he is very handsome forty chapters later.

Even there, Austen leaves the dialogue to stand on its own and tells us nothing of what Elizabeth actually feels about it. The conversation moves to Darcy’s personal virtues, which reveal the critical fact that Darcy is consistently kind and good-natured in the domestic sphere. So Elizabeth’s concession that Darcy is physically attractive is narratively linked to the suggestion that he would make a safe husband, emotionally speaking (although her concession comes first, which may be significant).

Between the initial, omniscient narrator-type description of him and Elizabeth agreeing in Ch 43, we do get references to his looks a few times, but during the period of Elizabeth’s dislike, it’s always either through implication or through someone around Elizabeth rather than Elizabeth herself. So Bingley, for instance, jokes about how Darcy is so much taller than he is, but the narrator only remarks on Elizabeth’s assumption that Darcy is offended by this.

We know that Elizabeth looks for a resemblance to Darcy when she first sees Lady Catherine, and finds it, but this isn’t explicitly linked to her conclusion that Lady Catherine might have been handsome in her youth.

Then there’s the introduction of Colonel Fitzwilliam, when he arrives with Darcy, as “about thirty, not handsome, but in person and address most truly the gentleman.” Obviously the contrast is with Darcy, who is handsome but has less gentlemanly manners, but this isn’t explicitly spelled out. Austen simply says that Darcy “looked just as he had been used to look in Hertfordshire” and moves to the manner of his compliments to Charlotte.

We do get an explicit contrast later, when Darcy, Georgiana, and Bingley come to Lambton (so, after the critical revelations):

Miss Darcy was tall, and on a larger scale than Elizabeth; and, though little more than sixteen, her figure was formed, and her appearance womanly and graceful. She was less handsome than her brother; but there was sense and good humour in her face

Austen breezes past this to Georgiana’s manners and Bingley’s arrival. There are a couple of discussions of Darcy’s appearance earlier at Pemberley, but entirely held between Mr and Mrs Gardiner, who admire his figure while Elizabeth is consumed by embarrassment. She mentions that it was obvious that he had only just arrived via horse or carriage, but not how she knows this or what she feels about it beyond repeatedly blushing.

Then they meet again, he interacts with the Gardiners for awhile, and Elizabeth and the Gardiners leave. The Gardiners discuss the encounter including Darcy’s appearance, and Mrs Gardiner—who at this point, still thinks Darcy has mistreated Wickham—first concludes that Wickham is handsomer, then immediately re-considers and decides that Darcy has perfect features, but not Wickham’s angelic countenance. She (Mrs Gardiner) goes on, “He[Darcy] has not an ill-natured look. On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he speaks.”

Elizabeth does not opine on Darcy’s mouth, lol, and instead defends Darcy’s moral character as far as his financial dealings with Wickham are concerned. We don’t hear much more of it apart from that, and in general, we see Elizabeth’s reactions to Darcy more than we hear about them:

Their eyes instantly met, and the cheeks of both were overspread with the deepest blush.

She blushed again and again over the perverseness of the meeting.

The colour which had been driven from her face, returned for half a minute with an additional glow, and a smile of delight added lustre to her eyes, as she thought for that space of time that his affection and wishes must still be unshaken.

Darcy had walked away to another part of the room. She followed him with her eyes, envied everyone to whom he spoke, had scarcely patience enough to help anybody to coffee; and then was enraged against herself for being so silly!

The colour now rushed into Elizabeth’s cheeks in the instantaneous conviction of its being a letter from the nephew, instead of the aunt

She had only to say in reply, that they had wandered about, till she was beyond her own knowledge. She coloured as she spoke

I do not personally think there can be much reasonable doubt about whether Elizabeth is attracted to Darcy during this phase of the book. But the narrative does dance around it enough (for understandable 1813 reasons, I suspect, given that Elizabeth either dislikes or hates Darcy for a significant portion of the book) that it’s not at all clear when she begins to finds him attractive, especially given that she does not actually see him between receiving the letter and acknowledging his attractiveness at Pemberley. So I think there are multiple valid interpretations or headcanons one could come up with for that.

#fun fact: i started writing this bc i was like 'i want to make a post about something trivial i can be concise about' #rip me i guess #but tbh my personal headcanon is that elizabeth /is/ attracted to darcy for a lot of the book but NOT remotely 'secretly in love' or w/e #people will be like 'if the attraction is mutual then what about her dislike are you saying-' #nope! she hates him. in fact she only hates him more bc he's smart and hot and complicated. #in addition to her conviction that he's a terrible person morally #and then she finds out he's actually okay and then that he's actually GOOD and then that he's made himself even better #elizabeth: i tried infatuation at first sight with wickham. now i shall try grown-up feelings like respect and gratitude #three days later: alas... i could have loved him... #some indeterminate amount of time without actually seeing him later: ...oh. fuck. #(i paraphrase. but honestly while elizabeth's realization that half her sleepless nights are darcy's fault is sad it is also very funny) #but yeah i think elizabeth is extremely wary of where attraction to emotionally unsuitable people goes and just buries all that #but once hte brakes go off she falls FAST #also she's genuinely attracted to three different men over the course of one pretty short novel and i love that for her #anghraine babbles #anghraine's meta #austen blogging #elizabeth bennet #fitzwilliam darcy #otp of otps #pride and prejudice #jane austen #long post

[chloeseyeliner]

another afternoon goes by. another evening is coming soon. another day is already inviting us to get lost in it; yet, i am still stuck on the same torturing question.

who is one of the most beautiful men you have seen in your life and why is it omar rudberg?

#it sucks that i don't have photo evidence #but there are plently omar photos around here #just fyi #i am not attracted to omar because i am ✨asexual✨ so i naturally cannot lol #aesthetic attraction is going places with this man though #if someone asks me about my sexuality every i'll just say #i am romantically attracted to wonderful girls i become close with #black cat and golden retriever boys #cool people with amazing personalities in between #and ALSO aesthetically attracted to omar rudberg in moving like that mv because DAMN i wanna be this pretty #and he is so beautiful and talented and confident #so yeah thanks for reading this rant if you did #sometimes i wonder #should i have a podcast? #because i have too many words inside my head that never come out and i want them to ugh #lol #i mean not just for fandoms #words as regards life and the sociology analysis behind things and politics and books and- #omar rudberg #young royals #*plenty of (for the first tag)

[fleshdyke]

hchkvgjvfj

#csa warning for tags #goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination #i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out' #absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus #by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys #which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me #being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do #but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me #it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way #they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything #and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man #like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive #there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever #like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im #the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks #you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it #i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop #and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again #being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex #but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way #like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little #and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me #i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone #i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted #it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am #im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing #and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me #and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to #rambles #vent

[not-poignant]

hi! this is “better aspects” anon!! i’ve given your reply a lot of thought, because i think i just really appreciated how academic efnisien was and how he continued to cultivate his knowledge in constellations and thought that him going out of his way to do that was an admirable aspect that i thought even a person like crielle could respect, and wanted to know if that was a factor in her continuing to raise him because that would have been a relatively “better” factor than the other reasons she continued to raise him for (like seeing a murderer in him i guess), though i guess she could’ve seen that and thought of ways he could use it to be a murderer. (and i won’t even defend mentioning “beauty” there because there is no defense i might have just been running my mouth/hands?)

anyway, your reply was food for thought for days for me. and it really challenged how i thought about things, and i found out how much i’ve been ‘tiering’ the world in unfair ways unconsciously, and i hope awareness will be the first step in changing that. so thank you!! and since this is an ask box i might as well ask: have you ever leaned toward an educational role? i think not only your reply has explained an alternative way of thinking clearly but in your fics too. and i wonder if you’d ever write a non-fic about kink one day? i really respect and appreciate all your work even more so now!

Hi hi anon!

A big thing here is just that Crielle doesn't really recognise Efnisien as a fully three-dimensional human being and she doesn't really want him to be one anyway, and she gets annoyed when he shows a capacity for that.

If he's not existing for her, doing things for her, slaving away for her, worshipping her, anticipating her needs, and sublimating his entire existence for her, suffering for her, begging for her mercy and love, and crying for her, she's not interested.

When Efnisien cultivated his knowledge outside of Crielle and not for Crielle, he was punished for it. When he showed an interest in things that had nothing to do with her, he was punished for it. If he showed any sign of independent thought that she couldn't use, find useful, find entertaining (like him tormenting Gwyn, or learning to play piano), then he was punished for it.

In fact Crielle is the one who canonically tells Efnisien to only do accounting at university, so that he flies under the radar so he could more successfully be a criminal and/or serial killer. She literally squashes his academic talent and curiosity, to a point where he has to get straight A's but not dream of doing anything that's not directly connected to her. As a result, he doesn't know what his dreams are by the time he sees Dr Gary, because he's not allowed to have any to belong to him and he's still literally learning how to be a person, because Crielle didn't want him to be a person.

It's often hard for people to understand Crielle if you've never (knowingly) met anyone like her. But people who see other people as objects, dolls, and empty spaces to fill with their own desires exist, and they do not admire independence, free will, or a person making choices beyond their control.

Crielle loved Efnisien most when he was trying to perfectly do everything she wanted automatically, and she loved him least when he was trying to be a person with his own personality.

You and me, anon, we get to appreciate the things about him that Crielle tried to destroy, or found tedious or annoying, or found a good reason to punish or torture him over. We get to cheer him on in therapy when he realises he likes working for an anthropologist, and when he researches different subjects on his own, and when he finally realises he can leave a job he doesn't like.

Efnisien's profound learned helplessness comes from someone with no capacity to appreciate Efnisien when he wasn't being a two-dimensional sycophant, and so we get to cheer on every moment he finds things out for himself, or asks questions, or learns more about the world. In a way, we get to go on that journey with him, and be proud of him at the same time that Dr Gary is, or smile at him at the same time that Arden does, or feel vindicated when Gwyn finally notices that Efnisien isn't just what Crielle turned him into.

Crielle never respected Efnisien in general. She only respected him in moments, and only when he was most like her, and most reflecting her desires for him. But an adult who sexually molests a child does not respect that child. She never believed in his rights or his right to personhood.

There's nothing Efnisien could have done to win that, even if he did do everything perfectly, unless he like spectacularly killed 50 people or something, and then she'd never speak to him again to protect herself, and probably admire him from afar, an imprisoned statue that she'd probably try and send little coded love letters too, which was probably part of her twisted fantasy in the first place.

Abandonment was high on the cards for Efnisien whether he got everything right, or tried to be a person and therefore got everything wrong. This is something Dr Gary knows. And it's something Efnisien will take a long time to realise for himself, because it will hurt him so much when he does. There was never an outcome where they could have been happy together, because she didn't want it.

Anyway the tl;dr is that sadly Crielle had some major issues seeing people as people and felt so entitled to Efnisien that any qualities or traits he possessed that weren't directly in service to her (with her approval) all went in the 'nope do not approve' list.

have you ever leaned toward an educational role?

This is so sweet of you anon. I sadly think I wouldn't be a great teacher because I get impatient and because I can really struggle to articulate my thoughts sometimes outside of stories. I think that's why I have to write these very long and rambling responses, and I don't think most teachers need this many words to say 'Crielle's a psychopath' sdlkfjas :D

In all seriousness, I really like sharing things through my writing. It frees me from having to get everything 'right' because it's fiction, and it allows people to engage with it on any level they want to. I'm really lucky that I can share some of my research and thoughts, and also some of a character's thoughts (I don't agree with the way all my characters think and in all the things they believe), and that a reader can sort of...I guess pick up what they need at the time?

As for kink, there are far fare better people suited to that! I'm not saying that to be modest, but like, a rope friend of mine has literally put thousands of hours just into studying and learning about kinbaku and semenawa (shibari/rope) and even she doesn't feel qualified to teach it. There's so much around physical safety and also communicating compassionately and with openness that I think would be really difficult. It's hard to capture a lot of that in books (and maybe secretly I think it's more fun to not have to be focused on safety in my writing in the same way lol)

Plus it gets to be entertaining and fun and sometimes relaxing or painful or cathartic and I guess that's something I really...feel strongly about? That's important to me in a different kind of way I think?

Honestly you're awesome for just giving a different perspective a try, I really struggle to do that, it's hard to sometimes be like 'oh this thing I used to think / currently think is maybe not how I always want to keep thinking about it.' Just the other day I realised something I thought about owning cats was actually incorrect and it was like 'oh whoops' lol. But it's the only way we keep growing. And it's cool that you're doing it!

#asks and answers #personal #falling falling stars #crielle ferch fnwy #efnisien ap wledig #pia on characterisation #the beauty + intelligence thing = good is something so entrenched in us anon #a lot of people think this way #and most people never get opportunities to challenge it because sadly like #the beauty industry is invested in making you constantly believe beauty is good #so you keep paying money to look beautiful #(i mean obviously most of us want to look beautiful or handsome or attractive or pretty) #(it's just that) #(it doesn't say anything about us and there are people who will like us regardless) #i had another thought to add here but i forgot it #hope you have a good weekend anon

[jonny-b-meowborn]

People are being very weird about Käärijä online which doesn't really surprise me but still is disappointing

#saw a video where he was trying to speak english #and like yeah hes a very endearing person but why are people calling him a baby or a puppy #that is a grown man #also i often see people being like #wow hes so brave for showing his body!!! #and my brither in christ that is not a compliment #like people trying to say that hes attractive by pointing out hes not super buff or super skinny but being pretty despite that #as if not being those things normally automatically makes you unappealing and he manages so pull that look off #so fucking annoying why cant people thirst over someone normally lmao #käärijä #bee buzz

[aziraphale-protection-squad]

right. so. i'm taking the angel and i'm wrapping him in a soft blanket and i'm telling him that NO ONE has the right to touch him without his consent.

no matter how well they know each other and got along previously.

or how angsty the person feels about possibly never seeing him again.

or how much Aziraphale might even possibly WANT to be intimate with that person on some level, someday, when they're okay again.

there are no ways around this:

if he's not READY for it, or if he's not in the MOOD for a kiss, then NO ONE SHOULD BE KISSING HIM. PERIOD.

#pretty sure this is not a controversial statement but the things i've seen some folks say today has been. um. #disheartening to say the least and alarming at worst. #please fucking tell me i'm not the only one who knows assault when they see it even if they find both characters attractive. #like. holy fuck. i love(d) crowley too but what the fuck. #how is THIS being overlooked while Aziraphale is taking all the blame for how shit went down in the finale. #~ooh they finally kissed!!!!!~ ugh but STUPID ANGLE!!! >:( doesn't he know how sexy and emotional crowley is??? he should ENJOY this!!!! #<- some of y'all's apparent attitude and it Concerns me deeply. #call it what it fucking is even if it sucks. it was a violation. period. it's 2023 we don't tolerate Blurred Lines bullshit here. #goddamnit this was my safe fandom and now i'm like. y'all scare me tbh. #i hate fandom drama but the way the majority have elected to ignore a literal assault so they can UWU Sad Demon Puppy their blorbo is just. #what is this? spn??? #he was my blorbo too but holy fuck i have lines. i have boundaries. and he crossed them when he crossed Aziraphale's. #if u think u know who this is no u don't #i am conflict avoidant leaf me alone lol #i just need to know that i'm not the only person here who um. respects boundaries and consent and all that. because y'all got me Concerned. #like. i wanna rant about this in my fandom friend groups but they're all UWU CROWLEY DESERVED BETTER so um. i no longer feel safe there tbh #good omens spoilers #go2 spoilers #go spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers

[losergendered]

what does pro-para mean?

means that you support/dont stigmatize people who experience paraphilic attraction (any attraction deemed outside of the norm. this ranges from things like the big three to things like foot fetishes to things like latex. its a huge huge huge huge range). many of these types of attractions are disordered.

#assuming this is a genuine question btw and not a 'gotcha' where you try to get me to say that i support something that i dont #basically its a broad (imo flawed but its the psych system so obvs its flawed) category #that includes pretty standard fetishes/kinks more niche fetishes/kinks and then paraphilic disorders as well #which. AGAIN. not the fault of the person who has the paraphilia #in fact most are completely harmless. like people always think of the big three but like. it literally just means 'abnormal attraction' #anyway DONT drag me into para discourse. most of the time the discourse is just anti-sex or anti-mad #or its people trying to argue that minors can consent (they cant) #IN ANY CASE sorry im codifying this so much i just dont want people putting words in my mouth #ask to tag #asks #discourse #?

[crookedfivefingers]

Me: Why aren’t there so many more TenMartha shag-or-dies? Let’s write a simple one!

Me, later: Let’s base it on Ten being required to bring Martha to orgasm X amount of times in X amount of ways

Me, several thousand words into new fic whilst actively ovulating: Let’s make Martha a virgin+have Ten be super empathetic and gentle about it because they’re best mates/he knows she fancies him/he wants her to be comfortable+enjoy herself as much as she can

Me, falling apart: Over and above all of that, let’s channel obscene amounts of energy into ensuring it’s in character/realistic/feels like an actual [NC-17] episode

#tenmartha #ten x martha #tenth doctor #martha jones #doctor who #just shouting into the void - don’t mind me #honestly I’ll be happy if ONE person enjoys this smutastrophe #I know the bulk of TM shag or dies are handled with pretty heavy and consistent angst #and I’m not saying this is angstless #but I really want to highlight the trust+affection between them #their friendship is so often tragically overlooked #of course there’s an emotional imbalance between them but he still adores her #and finds her attractive - which certainly doesn’t hurt #and obviously they’ve got chemistry in spades #anyway idefk why I’m using tumblr as a diary but it feels good to write it down

[depresseddepot]

trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once

#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate. #anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day #i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'') #and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on'' #and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat #but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand #first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well. #secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex #thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds #i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at #so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well ! #i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me #but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time #so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex? #is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance? #or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous #did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes #but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute #this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty'' #which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!! #and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this #i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive #and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually #i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other #and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive #which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!! #how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much #but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me #i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me) #i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

I WISH I was more confident with giving ppl compliments irl like. I WANT you to know that ur that your hair color is epic or that I love your sweater or your freckles are beautiful or or o-

#IM SO SCARED THO #I don’t wanna come off as creepy bc like #they’re strangers they don’t know me #I just wish it was more socially acceptable to give strangers compliments #like if I were not socially awkward as hell I would just be complimenting everyone #I’m so serious when I say I think most people are pretty attractive in one way or another #be it their earrings or their nose or their platform boots or or you get the point #I just want ppl to know that they are soooo beautiful to meeee #obviously nobody’s self worth should hinge on whether or not ppl find them physically attractive #but so many ppl truly are and they just don’t realize it I’m so serious rn #idc if anyone calls it ‘my standards being low’ or something #try seeing the beauty in the common person and then maybe you’ll feel better/ref #sorry for rambling hopefully none of this comes across as weird or objectifying 😭😭

[14fucks]

flirting with a blind girl i met on hinge i might actually have a chance this time guys

#crying shitty farting throwing up #it's been almost two years #i literally dont know how to flirt at all #and i suspect that im not necessarily conventionally attractive #so in addition to being hopelessly awkward im ugly #im in a real pickle #i want a relationship so badly but it's so hard where im at to meet girls who want that too #lots of the gays on campus are bi women who just want to hook up #which is fine but im really getting tired of constantly being a third wheel #i was a seventh wheel one time #fucking seven #ugh #im going to sleep on the ground #yamcha death pose #tears spilling out #FOR THE RECORD: im not saying that her being blind is bad at all i am saying i am ugly #but my personality is better allegedly #people with pretty privilege you are so lucky i would love to have a fraction of your power