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patchesnpins · 2 years

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ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴀʟꜱᴇᴇᴘ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇᴍ...

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: it's okay to let those weary eyes of your's have a rest, there's always someone around who would happily be your own personal pillow... (ft. steve harrington, eddie munson, billy hargrove & robin buckley)

☾⋆*:｡ a/n: another post, this time much more soft and fluffy <33 my meds have been making me incredibly sleepy and I've fallen asleep on my gf numerous times already. I just think this is the cutest sort of cliche, also please feel free to request more characters

☾⋆*:｡ details: SFW//w.c: 1.5k// warnings: gn!reader, cigarettes, weed & smoking, not properly proof read

ꜱᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʜᴀʀʀɪɴɢᴛᴏɴ

Steve was already blinking sleep away in his eyes, listening to the bland sounds of a movie he had watched one too many times yet it was once again decided on as the movie of the night. He was almost sure he could recite it out loud from beginning to end from all the times he had heard it in family video

You didn’t seem to be much more interested in the movie playing on the small and boxy television, eyes locked on the screen but not truly focussing on the things happening. A glossy look glazed over your tired eyes, watching but not actually taking information in, your mind too tired to process the flickering images

You’d already been pressed up against him, squishing onto the small and old couch alongside The Party who were much more excited to watch this movie, pushing and shoving their way onto the crowded sofa alongside you leaving you with little to no personal space

The sounds of the children's laughter and obscenely loud special effects started to fade into the background as darkness began to envelope yoru sight, slowly leaning more and more into the warm embrace you were seated next to. His cologne was like a sweet anesthetic to your tired mind

Steve felt your relaxed form pressed against him, no longer stiff and trying to lend him some space on the cramped sofa. Through the soft illuminations of the movie screen he peers down at you to find you calm and sleeping face buried into his side, chest slowly rising and falling as you nestle closer

He couldn’t imagine falling asleep in the midst of a movie night, with the kids flinging popcorn and talking loud enough to be heard over the loud booms and crashes yet you were fast asleep against him. Fingers coiled lightly around his arm, clutching to the soft fabric of his sweater and nuzzling closer

He shifts a bit, careful not to move you too much as he reaches at the edges of the blankets, tugging them around you both securly. He can’t help but sling his arm around you, muscles a bit tight to avoid waking your but carefully herding you closer into his side to rest peacefully, suddenly thankful for the dark room hiding his blushing face

ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴍᴜɴꜱᴏɴ

He’d never considered his bed all that comfortable, he kept forgetting to change out the old sheets and if you sat down you could feel the plenty of things he’d thrown into bed without care. An old guitar pick and capo, a magazine or two, forgotten pencils and pens and plenty more

Yet you insisted on smoking in his bed with him, he’d been left confused for a little bit but now the puzzle pieces were beginning to click into place as he watched your eyelids droop more and more as you continued taking hits from the blunt, his nerves sparking when as he watched you hold it between tired fingers

He whisks it away from the hand that was slowly falling, pressing it between his lips and just about to ask if you were okay before he felt the light thump of your head hitting his shoulder. You were still a bit awake, eyes fighting to remain closed but when he didn’t dare to move they finally fluttered closed

A smile plays at his own lips, chewing at the end of the blunt as heart seems to pick up in beat inside his chest. He should’ve been able to pick out you were getting tired from how it seemed to take you a bit longer to answer him and how you weren’t really hearing the music he was playing

Taking a slow drag from the blunt, he finally leans towards his bed stand to place it in an ashtray, fingers brushing lightly over the knobs of his radio and turning it down till it’s barely louder than a soft hum, much too quiet to possibly wake you from your sweet slumber

Ever so slowly and calmly he moves you from his shoulder, the bedframe was already digging into his back and he can’t imagine how much yours would hurt if he left you. He lets your head rest in his lap, his fingers stroking over your hair and pushing it back to avoid any tangles or cowlicks in the morning

If you needed rest then so be it. Eddie wasn’t against becoming your personal pillow for the night, especially how warm and soft you feel against him. He swears he can fall asleep to the soft sound of your breathing, the weight of you against him felt like a weighted blanket draped over his own tired body

ʙɪʟʟʏ ʜᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ

Stargazing on top of the hood of Billy’s car was always such a tranquil experience, the soft sound of the flicker of his lighter mixed with the lullaby of chirping crickets singing their goodnights, the sharp but almost relaxing scent of a lit cigarette and the cold metal of the hood against exposed skin

Your eyes were calmly closed, just feeling the bitter chill of the breeze wash over your skin covered with goosebumps. You could feel your own weariness creeping up on you, the shuffling and feeling over Billy glancing over at you was one of the few things still keeping you awake

Besides the subtle noises of nature around you both it was so quiet, chirping and hooting fading away in your mind to just a fuzzy noise as your head began to grow heavy, dipping down a few times as you tried to fight off impending sleep. You were too tired to notice Billy scooting closer and the smell of nicotine becoming stronger

The velvet of his shirt was smooth against your cheek, your weight slowly leaning more and more into his side as tiredness washed over you and whisked you away into an ocean of sleep. He didn’t care to move, arm wrapping tightly around your waist to prevent you from falling backwards

Wisps of smoke are blown in the opposite direction to avoid any of it getting in your face, your expression too peaceful and gentle for him to disrupt even if it meant holding a mouthful of smoke when the winds would pick up. His heart stirred in his chest when you would cuddle closer into his embrace

He’s hit by such a sudden twinge of lovesickness at you pressed so tightly against his side, seeming so safe and secure beside him, enough that you could comfortably fall asleep against him without a worry. So vulnerable, cuddled in his side as if he’s all the protection you need

He’d been planning to get home but with you asleep so calmly against him, he can only light another cigarette and let his tense body chill out. It’s a pretty night outside, he doesn’t mind a few more hours underneath the twinkling stars...

ʀᴏʙɪɴ ʙᴜᴄᴋʟᴇʏ

There was nothing more that she hated than long car rides, her long limbs cramped up in the back of the old van because someone else had insisted that he had called shotgun first. She wasn’t into the idea of arguing, or at least it was stolen away like a gust of wind when she saw you climbing into the backseat

Robin’s eyes are glued to the passing shapes rushing by the window, slick with fog from the early morning of the road trip, the dark clouds outside making the bright little dew drops stick out more. She whispers in hushed tones to you, checking if you’re warm enough or pointing out the cows grazing among the rolling fields

She doesn’t look at you much, too enveloped in her own rambling and the fact that her skin would start tingling when she’d see you leaning in so closely to look out the window with her. But when you start not responding her heart plummets, glancing over her shoulder to see why you suddenly started to ignore her

Your eyes are screwed closed, mouth slightly agape as you breath in and out so slowly, the turns and bumps in the road rocking your frame and eventually knocking you off your balancing act. Your body bumps against her, head tumbling onto her shoulder and you don’t even wake

The softness of her sweater is like a pillow against your skin, just as warm as her and smelling faintly of the sweet perfume and outdoors you’d just been hiking through. Fresh and alive like running waters and shivering leaves, but just as comfortable as grass against your cheek or the warm sun

She can feel her face warming up despite the almost frigid temperatures outside, her skin suddenly aflame at just how you were just curled up against her without a single worry. Just caught up in a deep slumber your body had been begging for and Robin just seemed to be the most comfortable thing in the world to curl up against

She gently rests her hand on your thigh, making sure that you won’t be flung around in the backseat as the car rolls over rocky dirt roads. Almost subconsciously you lean into her touch, entangling yourself with her and despite how much her heart races she just adores it

#stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things headcanons #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #robin buckley #robin buckley x reader

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mychlapci · 4 months

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Im a sucker for messy past relationships and I was thinking about dratchrod with past megalock. Drift never talking about it because that's part of his whole decepticon past he'd rather forget till perhaps one day he's getting tipsy with Rodimus and admits he misses getting knotted (bc it absolutely HITS for his suppressed feralness kink)

"Knotted?? By who? 👀"

"Megatron 😭"

And Rodimus had only ever heard of knot mods, never seen one irl, and of course he ends up blabbing to Ratchet about it too.

"Huh... haven't been knotted since my med school days"

And so of course Rodimus ends up with massive FOMO and manages to rope Drift into seducing Megatron for "old time's sake" (not at all hard since dratchrod hit all of Megatron's types).

Drift and Ratchet get to feel like they're young and dumb again on Megatron's knot and Rodimus is SO sure he'll be fine because he's seen his own share of wild spike mods, but the feeling of Megatron's knot just absolutely blanks his processor. Makes him whine and cry like he's getting his seals broken for the first time again.

Drift and Ratchet forgot to give Rodimus a heads up that the point of a knot mod is to encourage breeding protocols to come online - and Megatron assumes they told Rodimus too.

Really, they've got no one else to blame but themselves when Rodimus ends up sparked and a knot addict

i LOVE dratchrod taking Megatron to bed dude. Obviously there’s a lot of emotional ups and downs to be involved here, with Drift having to reconcile with yet another part of his past that he doesn’t like too much, Ratchet unraveling his deep-seated hate and fury for Megatron, and Rodimus… is just in it for a good time.

No matter what, though, they all love Megatron’s knotting mod. i think Drift gets to go first, to break the tension in the room which mostly stems from his and Megs’ weird past involvement, shouting out when Megatron’s knot inflates inside of him, spreading open his valve to its absolute limit. Ratchet and Rodimus coo at him, tell him how well he’s doing.

Ratchet definitely handles the knot like a pro. Rodimus… does not. He would have liked to say he did, but he was already overwhelmed by the sheer size of Megatron’s spike, so when the knot swells you know Rodimus is screaming. He turns into a puddle, completely melting at the mercy of Megatron’s knot. It’s easily the biggest thing he’s taken and fuck, it’s literally pulsing inside of him, grinding into his nodes until he doesn’t know when the last overload ended and the next one starts.

Rodimus ends up really, really liking the knotting mod and they get Megatron involved a lot more.

also, okay i love Rodimus getting himself knocked up because he’s too horny and dumb to think about the consequences, but if Megatron gets to knot all three of ‘em, and knotting helps kick reproduction systems back into gear, then… can we have Megatron’s three pregnant girlfriends? and no, they don’t smoke weed, it’s bad for the babies.

#valveplug #pregnancy mention

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healingheartdogs · 1 year

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Whenever we have weed consistently for a while -- which is a lot more often lately since it's recreationally legal here in NY -- I'm like "hm I smoke too much, I don't need to smoke as often as I do, I should smoke less and try to keep it only for pain and sensory problems" and am always worried about being mindful of smoking for no reason and it just becoming habit. (It just took me a day and a half to finish one small bowl Selene packed for me for reference so no I don't really smoke too much lol). But then whenever we run out of weed and end up taking a t-break for a few days I am quickly like "OH my GOD I forgot the chronic physical pain and sensory overwhelm is literally ALL THE TIME, everything hurts"

Anyway don't just stop taking your meds because they're working so well you forget why you need them lol

#drugs #ndr #not dog related #legal drugs #but still #literally sat in pain for over an hour yesterday because i was like “eh its not bad enough for me to need to smoke again yet'#and yet i still hear the voices of family members in my head talking about family history of drug addiction and telling me i smoke too much

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milo-is-rambling · 5 months

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Couldn’t sleep so I went to get up thinking oh I’ll have to grind weed so I can fall back asleep and then I thought no I’ll take a a dab but I thought no that’s too much I’ll just smoke flower and then I went to get up and I accidentally lifted my blanket too high and knocked over the little jar I had on my bedside table that had ALLL OF THE INCENSE STICKS IVE COLLECTED FROM THE LAST TWO YEARS IN IT. So I breathed. And I breathed. And I turned my light on. And I got really annoyed and picked up small sticks that blend in with my floor for five minutes and then I breathed some more and couldn’t fit all the sticks back in the jar bc they’d been placed meticulously so they all laid perfectly against one side so there was still room to put more and I was not about to individually put all those sticks in that jar when all I wanted to do was to smoke and take off the heavier blanket and pass out. So I moved the incense sticks to my skull jar that I haven’t used in a while and now it looks like this.

But I did earn a dab being allowed from my brain in the process. So yay me. Also funk has been absolutely SCREAMING at me at the top of his little bird lungs bc I turned the light on to smoke and play accidental pick up sticks for twenty minutes and it’s giving me a headache and it’s just like godddddd how can everything go so wrong so fast not just me knocking over a jar of sticks but like. Life. Something about me collecting all my incense sticks and ash since I first moved into this house two years ago and then accidentally dropping the sticks like two days after I accidentally spilled incense ash all over my bed and didn’t even tell anyone cause it made me so annoyed and ashamed for some reason and I can’t even explain why I’m collecting the sticks or the ash. Like I have no fucking clue what I’m doing or why. I started collecting incense ash like three years ago when my friend and I went thru a ooo witchcraft phase and I just never stopped dumping the ash from my ashtray into a cheese container with a small plastic spoon like I don’t even know why I’m doing it I just set myself down this path and now I’m here and I’m attached to a jar of fucking kindling at this point like why did I cry over knocking over a jar of sticks what is wrong with me does it ever get easier why have I been taking my meds for almost 100 days and I still lose my shit over little things I feel like I will never be normal I will never get to be the person that will make my parents proud I feel like I’m constantly gonna be finding myself making one wrong move and ruin the thing I’m doing just to pretend I’m doing something with my life like I don’t even know what I want to do in the future there’s so many options everything is so scary forever I went to Walmart and I wanted to crawl into the squishmallow display and just die like if one more person looks at me and acknowledges I have a body I feel like I’ll lose my shit like oh my god I know I’m mentally ill but fucking hell. Just give me a break (I say while not having a job not doing school not even doing theater rn I’m just sitting at home in my brain and losing my mind waiting for therapy on the third) I’m so close to having someone to help me untangle my brain I really want to open up I want to feel like I can I want to remember shit I always forget I want to avoid crisis modes and be normal I want to get a job I want to shut up. Literally ever. If I could ever at any point learn to shut my fucking mouth and brain mouth up at the same time. Would be fucking fantastic. It seems impossible. Either I’m not thinking when I’m talking and then I’m an asshole or I’m not talking bc I’m thinking so hard about how I’m an asshole. Like either way in my head I am a shitty person forever and like I know I’ve been shitty like I know I’ve done shitty things but like I’m not broken forever I know there’s food in here but I need someone else to force me to see it bc I can’t find it on my own and I don’t trust it when it comes from my family or friends and a part of my brain says oh ur paying ur therapist to say that

But i want a therapist who will call me out on my bullshit and would tell me if I was being the asshole in the situation yknow. Anyways this is a lot of text and I’m not going to reread it all have fun going to the internet rambling blog void block of text goodbye gonna smoke a bowl and pass the fuck out hopefully my back and neck will stop hurting and I will stop being too hot and too cold at the same time and I will not have nightmares about past relationships or future relationships or picking incense sticks up for forever and they all match the color of the carpet and also it’s fine cause they look better in the skull jar and it’s fine and it doesn’t make me irrationally mad still even tho I picked them all up but I don’t know for sure if I got them all but I think I did but it’s going to bother me if I find them on my floor tomorrow. Okay bye

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am-i-real1102 · 2 years

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—mindless—

I can't find a single way to describe what I feel

Especially right now

I feel sad now

Depressed a bit

Might be the alcohol from a couple of days ago

Or the weed I smoke every day

Or the meds I take

Or it's just me

Which is logically unlikely

But ya never know

I certainly dont

I feel like I have almost nothing to say to anyone

I have no words or interests

No questions

I don’t seem to care too much

I want people to think I care

And talking to people is so exhausting

Caring for people can be so exhausting

And draining, and I’ve already drained so many tanks

I don’t have much gas ever

And when I do

I use it up

And then it's gone

And I have to function without it

And you know what they say about operating on empty

I’ve been struggling with words for some time now

I dont know how to converse properly anymore

So many days I’m riddled with uncomfortable silence and I can't seem to break it

It pisses me off

My brain is so fast

It forgets about my existence a lot

Who I am

I don’t recognize myself

Almost ever

I do but I don’t know

Who am I

Every day feels so mindless sometimes

Days can be so dead

I feel so dead

But I’m there

So I have to do something

I don’t fucking know

I hate my body still

Kinda

I hate my boobs

They feel so useless

I can't wait for them to go

I’m so confused

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ciarapsychedelic · 3 years

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Ciara why do you smoke pot?

- I wake up really sad some days. Like some days it's really hard for me to desire to get up and out of bed and "do" things, small general things, let alone big life things or daily life requisites! And inhaling that smell....I'll admit it totally, the whole ritual of weed, even dab culture, I love it! Breaking, grinding, scooping things into devices, beautiful, artistic glass pieces, to smoke it and get a head change, yea, wow, I'm into it! Muchly satisfies my oral fixation and figity tendencies, with a mellow psychological effect. Weed makes me feel happier some days. The whole thing brings small joys into my life daily. Other things do too....you have to keep a balance always! Over consumption of anything, or it being my only coping mechanism, the singular thing I turn to for relief to do life, would be unbalanced. Everything works in tandem together. Mind, body, spirit....I'm working on leveling up more in the mind and body departments in order to really do deeper spiritual work. It feels like I've hit a plateau there, I'm also completely out of whack and working on striking a much needed balance... Spirit is where I've spent most of my time and dedicated a lot of my mental explorations and energy, even my purely academic pursuits have always ended up in the humanities. It's just who I am. Always searching and asking questions of ourselves...I believe in order to go any further in my spiritual pursuits I need to make a solid af foundation to return to because this shit isn't easy, as many who take it upon themselves to dabble deeper into their subconscious than say, maybe their mothers and fathers have before them, find out along the path. I forget exactly why we brought this all up. Maybe it's because sometimes I feel guilty for being a weed smoker. I grew up with DARE, and Jesus ha. I never really got involved in hard drug use..I think I got really lucky. Anytime I felt pain, I was always so curious about it. I think a lot of people want to numb pain out, especially when you're young... It's the first time it comes, how would we know to sit with it? Especially when you don't have anybody giving you a good example of how to do it...in positive, effective ways. I'm just painting a picture here...so yes, I think I got really lucky that weed worked for me that way it did. It helped me become more meditative. It helped me find out things about myself. But it has always been really hush hush for the most part. People who didn't understand it gave me alot of shit for it back in the 2000s. Ha wow, it's crazy that that was 20 years ago now! And weed has gotten so mainstreamed since. It's more socially acceptable and on its way to full national legalization, fuck yeah. I think all of this is positive. What I'm getting at is that I have some internalized shame around needing a medicine daily to enjoy my life more, even if it's not the singular thing that I turn to.... and I shouldn't feel that way. I'm done justifying it. Even though this whole conversation is me justifying it ha. Life can be so beautiful, we shouldn't beat people down for when they say, hey this helps me do human things everyday better, be that people who are sick with addiction or taking behavioral meds...we should be celebrating you advocating for yourself and trying to survive in this really fucked up place that can sometimes be the world we live in right now. There's no shame in any of it. Because we're all just humans trying to get by and we all get stuck, we all fall on hard times. We shouldn't shame people for needing help but rather build each other back up stronger and all the better for asking for help doing it.

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amelialincoln · 3 years

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“And a rather unfortunate scare in high school.”

Could you write about this please (Addison and Amelia)

2 Much

After dating Derek Shepherd for years Addison was used to his youngest sister’s outbursts. Derek had four sisters. This terrified Addison from the moment she found out, which was out of the ordinary because she wasn’t intimidated by much. Addison hadn’t grown up with sisters so she wasn’t surprised when her first encounter with each of them didn’t go as planned. Kathleen, Liz and Nancy had immediately taken a disliking towards her. They idolized their older brother and the idea of another girl finding her way into his heart was in no way appealing. Amelia, however, was different. Addison ignored the fact that Amelia initially only chose to get along with her to piss her sisters off and eventually the two became closer than neither of them expected. Amelia was like the sister she’d never had and always wanted and she had no problem taking advantage of the soft spot her brother's girlfriend had for her. Whether it was ear piercing, alcohol buying or pretty much anything, Addison couldn’t help but comply and slowly the two became closer and closer. She remembered getting home one night after being at Derek’s and realizing Amelia had called Addison her sister. She knew from that day on that she’d always protect Amelia, no matter if she were dating Derek or not. Amelia’s outburst of the day happened at dinnertime. The family, including Addison, were sitting around the dining room table - they all ate dinner together every night, which was very abnormal to her - when Amelia burst through the front door.

“Always one to make an entrance,” Kathleen nudged Lizzie and the two of them laughed. Addison could tell that something was wrong as Amelia glanced at them.

“Are you joining us for dinner?” Mrs. Shepherd asked. Addison could hear the impatience in her voice. Amelia was never timely. The brunette shook her head in response and stormed up the stairs. Their mother sighed, setting her napkin on the table and began to get up from her seat.

“I got it,” Addison found herself assuring her. She motioned for Mrs. Shepherd to sit as she went to exit the dining room.

“Addie,” Derek complained. “Let’s just finish dinner.”

“It’s okay, I’m not that hungry.” She gave him a quick smile before following Amelia up the stairs. She found the youngest Shepherd cocooned in a pile of blankets on her bed, tears falling from her eyes. She entered the mess of the bedroom quietly and went to sit beside the shaking teenager.

“You okay, Amy?” She’d picked up Derek’s nickname a couple of weeks ago. Amelia said it was fine but if anyone else other than she and Derek started calling her that, she wouldn’t be too happy.

“Yeah, I’m great.” She rolled over, obviously not wanting to be bothered.

“Is this about that teacher again? You’re a month away from finishing grade eleven, it’s doubtful you’ll have him again next year.”

“I went to the counsellor and got him in trouble, that’s not an issue anymore.” She shrugged. There was the Amelia she knew so well.

“Well then what’s wrong?” A pause between them lingered for a while before Amelia started sniffling again. “Look, Amelia, you know I don’t judge--”

“I think I’m pregnant,” the brunette blurted out, surprising her. She whipped around to meet Addison’s slightly stunned expression. “See, you’re judging.”

“I’m not.” She tried to look less concerned. “Is this with that senior?”

“Jack,” Amelia confirmed, placing her head in her hands. “I wanted to break up with him. He got all mad so we took a break for a couple days. I saw him on Saturday night at Isaac’s thing. We were drunk...and horny. Apparently he did stuff to the condom? Why would he...I don’t understand...I trusted him,” she began to sob heavily.

“Oh, babe, I know you did.” Addison wrapped her sister in her arms protectively, trying to conceal how furious she was. She knew Derek could fuck that pathetic kid up but also knew that Amelia would kill her if she ever told Derek she was even seeing the guy. Derek had heavily advised against dating Jack from the beginning and, of course, had been very right. “Do you have any symptoms?” Amelia groaned, she hated when Addison and Derek went all “first year medical student” on her. “Amelia, I’m serious.” Addison found herself raising her voice.

“I dunno,” she yelled. “You’re supposed to be on my side. Why are you getting mad at me?”

“I’m not getting mad,” Addison sighed, arguing with her sometimes was impossible. “Are you on birth control?”

“My doctor said if I was on birth control I couldn’t smoke. Blood clots or something?” She glanced at Addison who nodded. “She said condoms would be fine if we were careful.” She refused to look at Addison. “I trusted him.”

“You need to take a test.”

“My mom tracks all my bank statements after she caught me e-transferring that guy for weed, I’m not buying a pregnancy test.”

“I’ll buy it for you.” Addison stated it as if it was obvious. “Let’s go now, my car is here and you can take it at my apartment.”

“What if Derek comes by?”

“I think you’re forgetting that your brother does exactly what I tell him to do.” The med student laughed despite the situation they were in and Amelia started to giggle as well. “Now get your ass out of bed and let’s get out of here before your sisters start asking questions.” She extended her hand and breathed a sigh of relief as Amelia let her lead her out the front door.

Amelia followed Addison into the pharmacy nervously. She was surprised when Addy walked directly to the isle she was looking for and wondered if she’d had a similar experience. Her brother’s girlfriend was too smart for that though, she’d never get herself into the mess that Amelia was in. But by the amount those two fucked, (the room that Derek was in before he moved out was unfortunately right beside her’s) she couldn’t help but wonder if they’d ever had a scare. Addison held up two tests, breaking her from her train of thought.

“Do you want anything else? We could grab some snacks and watch a movie or something tonight?”

“We could stop by the liquor store.”

“Amelia,” Addie sighed, trying to hide her disappointment. She felt guilty in a way, Amelia had been getting a little out of hand lately and she couldn’t help but think that she was the one that started buying her alcohol in the first place. “You have school tomorrow.”

“So do you and you were having wine with dinner,” Amelia taunted back. Addison could tell she thought she was going to convince her.

“Amelia, it’s different. I don’t have class until eleven. Your school starts at eight.” She shook her head as they made their way to the cashier. “And one glass of wine is not the same as your heavy drinking.”

“Addison Montgomery?” A familiar voice called from behind them.

“Mrs. Hastings?” Addison grinned as she recognized her former teacher from undergrad. “It’s so good to see you!” The physics professor leaned in for a quick hug. Addison had idolized the woman from day one. She was the youngest professor she’d ever had. Her success had comforted Addison. It made her feel confident in such a male based profession.

“You’ll be a great mom.” She squeezed Addison’s hand. Amelia suppressed a snort as Addie glared at her.

“Uh, thanks!” She held up the tests awkwardly.

“You’re still with the Shepherd guy I assume?” Addison had never wanted to leave a conversation more. “That will be a stunning kid.”

“Hope so!” She laughed awkwardly.

“Just don’t let anything get in the way of your success.” The professor warned. “You’ll go on to do amazing things, Addison.”

“Yes...um, that’s true,” she coughed. “Well it was great running into you.” She tapped her credit card as the cashier handed her the plastic bag. “Have a happy holidays.”

“Happy holidays?” Amelia was wheezing by the time they left the store. “It’s September.”

“Shut up.”

Addie had ended up giving in to Amelia’s requests for alcohol. She poured two small glasses of wine as she waited for her to come out of the bathroom. Amelia finally came out holding both tests. She set them on the counter and they both waited.

“How long is it supp--”

“Like two minutes,” Addison shrugged, trying to hide her nerves. She really hoped she wouldn’t be driving her sixteen year old boyfriend’s sister to the abortion clinic tomorrow. Amelia let out a sob, bringing Addison back into reality. “You’re kidding.” Her mouth opened in shock as she grabbed the two tests. Negative.

“Sorry,” Amelia choked. “I just really thought…” she brushed off tears of relief. Addison wrapped her in a long hug. Silently thanking god. “This doesn’t mean I’m like unfertile or something right?”

“No, honey.” Addison sighed. “This just means you were very lucky.”

“Well that’s a first.” Amelia grinned.

#amelia shepherd #addison greys anatomy #addison montgomery

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sunflowersunshinevol6 · 4 years

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My Way

Chapter Four

Warnings: kidnapping, substance abuse, psychological abuse, stockholm syndrome, physical abuse, violence

A/N: this chapter is pretty dark. Fair warning

Clara was propped on her elbows, head in hands, feet locked together, as she watched Harry lay out his ‘tools’ on the opposite bed. He had lifted a floorboard in the van, to reveal a box, filled with tons of weapons, some she didn’t even recognize. The tv played commercials in the background, neither of them were paying attention. Harry touched the tools gently, almost affectionately. It was strange to her. He began putting them, one by one into a duffel bag.

He had explained to her that sorting his tools was like pregame for him. Looking at them and thinking about what he'd use them for amped him up. It made her shudder.

“Keep the door locked. Don't answer it for anyone. I'll be back in a few hours,” Clara rolled over onto her back, sighing.She counts the tiles in the ceiling, she hasn’t had her meds in days and she can feel the tide coming in, the anxieties slowly creeping up, ready to drag her down again. “Clara?” Harry came to her, he leaned over her face “Princess,” he said gently, “what's wrong?” She wrinkled her nose.

“I'm not a princess,” she insisted. Harry chuckled.

“What's on your mind?”

“Its my meds,” she swallowed down the lump forming in her throat, “I've been off my medication for too long…..”

“For anxiety?” She nodded.

“And other things.”

“Are they over the counter or?”

“Doctor scripts.”

“What happens when you go off them?” Clarafurrowed her brow, she doesn't know how to describe it.

“It's not good,” she can see the wheels turning, as Harry tried to find a solution to Clara's current problem.

“I have a suggestion….but before I give it, I want to know what you want me to do.” Clara was taken aback by Harry's sudden thoughtfulness.

“I want you to stay,” she said honestly.

“Clara-” Harry warns.

“Please.”

“You know I can't.”

“Why not.”

“Because.” He was getting irritated. She continued.

“Because why?”

“You know why .” He growled.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I have a job to do.”

“Killing innocent people isn't a job, it's murder.”

“If I killed innocent people I would have killed you in that gas station a week ago.” he hissed standing up. He walked away from her, dragging a hand down his face, the room was silent, his words hanging in the air. “I don't kill good people. My family , doesn't kill good people.” He clarified, “We kill the scum of the earth. The evil fuckers that walk around free. Pedophiles, murderers, rapists, people like that. And you can say I'm a hypocrite, or whatever you want. But this is who I am. It's who I've always been. And I like it.” He glared at her, daring her to say something.

“So you’re like Batman.” she said after a while. He gave her a confused look, she sat up, turning to face him fully. “Like Batman. A Vigilante. You know, someone who takes the law into their own hands, cuz they think the law officials can’t or won’t do it.” Harry chewed on his tongue thoughtfully for a moment, before nodding.

“Batman….I like that. Yeah. We’re like Batman…...So since your idea isn't possible, would you wanna try mine?” she shrugged. “You ever smoke weed before?” he asked her. Clara shook her head. “figured,” he went into the bathroom, Clara heard him rummage around and when he came back out he had a little ceramic bowl in his hand and a lighter. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her. “If you're okay with this and you want to try it we will. It might help you relax, it works different for everyone. But it’s been known to treat anxiety and depression…..We can’t just go out and get your medicine so, this would be the next best thing."

“I want to.” Clara said in a small voice.

“We’re gonna do something called ‘shotgunning’. That's where I inhale the smoke and then blow it in your mouth, you inhale and hold, then release. Since it's your first time I don't want you to get too fucked up.” he raised the bowl in his hands, she didn’t like the way it smelled. It stunk. “If we do it my way I’ll be able to atleast kind of control the amount you take in. And since you’ve never done it before you won’t need much. Just a little hit to take the edge off and see how you like it. If I just let you straight up hit it you might go too hard and end up sitting in a corner too high to move.” she looked at him in horror. “It’s cool. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen to you, like it did to me my first time.” she nodded in understanding. “I’m only offering because I can’t have you running around here having a panic attack and drawing attention. You’re almost home free. Don’t want to ruin that now do we?”

“I guess not.”

“Good. Give me your hand.” Clara held out her hand and Harry took her thumb and first finger making an ‘o’ shape. He intertwined her three other fingers with his own and made the ‘o’ shape with his fingers. “When I start to lean in, you do it too, and I’ll blow the smoke through my hands into your mouth. Inhale as much as you can. Hold it for like, thirty seconds I guess, and then exhale. I’ll go slow.” Clara adjusted herself, sitting up on her knees. Harry brought the lit bowl to his lips and took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving Clara. She watched him, fascinated as he made a squeaking, sneezing sort of sound and closed his lips, holding his breath.

He leaned in and she pressed her fingers to her lips.

His breath was cool as it hit her parted lips, she inhaled, eyes beginning to water, and almost choking, it sort of burned. Harry breathed slow and she expanded her stomach until she couldn’t take anymore. She pulled away, releasing their hands and held her breath. Harry stood, going to the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water just as she began coughing and sputtering. She felt like her throat was bleeding, it really hurt. Her ears felt like they needed to pop. But as she coughed, she felt the pain beginning to fade, like she was stepping outside of her body, she knew it was happening, but the pain was becoming distant. The waves of anxiety were pulling further and further back. Harry walked back over, handing her the bottle of water. She took it gratefully.

“How are you feeling?” he asked her. Her eyes felt heavier, almost as though she were squinting at him.

“Good. The waves are gone.” Harry looked at her for a moment, opened his mouth, then closed it again before turning to grab his duffel bag.

“I’ll be back in a few hours. You’ll probably be sleeping. I’ll try not to wake you.” Clara waved her hand at him as she fell back against the bed. She felt light, like she was floating. Her legs tangled and her body felt pain free. It was a nice feeling.

Harry shut and locked the door behind him.

And it led him here. To this shitty motel in the middle of Bumfuck,Egypt.. He had watched them for the last day, his damsel and her captor. He looked like a dick. He was the tall, athletic, frat boy type. Definitely a fuck boy. But he was bigger, and Alex was smart, if he couldn’t take him he would wait until he left. And when he saw him climb into that shitty van and drive away, he knew it was his chance.

Alex had been searching for Clara since the news broke she was missing. He was angry. Someone else had gotten her first. And at a fucking gas station! Really?! But that wasn’t going to stop him. He would rescue his damsel and she would be grateful, loving even. Happy to share her life with him. He scoured every news report he could find, made a special website dedicated to finding her and sorted through tip after tip, focusing on only the most logical ones.

He stepped out of the bushes, knife in hand and duplicate keycard in the other. He smirked, thinking of how gullible the front desk clerk had been. She hadn’t even asked for his I.D. Too busy on her phone. You can’t get good service anywhere these days. He stalked up to the door and pressed his ear to it. He couldn’t hear her, but he knew she was in there. The smell of marijuana wafted through the door. He inhaled deeply. God was smiling on him today. That was sure. This would be way too easy.

He looked so different. He was pale, gaunt and had dark circles under his eyes, light stubble on his cheeks. His hair was even more shaggy and unkempt, a wild look in his eye as he held up the knife in his hand. He looked like he hadn’t changed his clothes in days. Alex. Collins. Had found her. She sucked in a sharp breath.

Clara was flushing the toilet when she heard the door open. She rolled her eyes, hiking her pants up and buttoning them, before swinging the door open. “Did you forget…..some….thing….”The words died on her tongue when she saw him.

“It’s all right.” he said, holding up his hands, talking to her in a calm voice, like she was a scared animal. “Everyone’s been looking for you. We’ve all been worried.”

“How did you-”

“Come on Clara, you know me,” he rolled his eyes, stepping closer to her, she took a step back in reflex. “You know I’ll never let you go. You can run, you can hide. You can move three or four fucking states-leave the country even! And I will always find you. I’ll always be here.” he smiled at her, “And you know why?” he tapped the knife against his temple, “cuz I’m in here. I’ll always be in here.”Clara felt a hard surface behind her. Shit. Alex grinned, stepping closer still and placing the knife against the base of her throat. “You’ll never be rid of me.” Something sharp poked Clara in the side, she reached up, trying to hit him, but he blocked her hand with his arm. Her eyes widened as she saw the tip of the needle he’d had hidden in his sleeve. She grabbed at him, her legs suddenly felt like jello, he backed up and she fell forward, onto her knees. “Nighty Night.” the floor came rushing towards her, but darkness met her first.

Clara was standing at the beginning of a long pier. Ahead of her she someone. A woman, in a black dress, long brown hair flowing behind her. Leah. She began to run. Calling out to her lost lover. The more she ran the further Leah seemed to get-

One. She wasn’t in the motel room anymore.

“Wake up.” Clara groaned, someone was shaking her shoulder, making her brain bounce around inside of her head. It hurt to open her eyes, but when she finally did, and they adjusted she realized two things.

Two. She was chained to a mattress, Her arms hanging from the headboard.

She looked over to see the face of her nightmares. Alex stood over her, he had been the one shaking her, Clara tried to scream, only to feel a gag covering her mouth. Panic began to snake up her body, lighting her on fire with adrenaline. Alex walked around to the front of the bed. Towering over her like the boogeyman.

“Now, I understand if you still don’t trust me….I’ve done some things that….You might not agree with.” Clara snarled, her eyes narrowing. Alex ignored her. “But you’ll see soon enough, that it all came from a place of love. I mean look at you!” he shouted, pointing at her, “I saved you! That man! He would have killed you! Or left you to die! I would never! I found you! I saved you!” He came back around toward her, and sat next to her on the bed. He looked at her with a tenderness that made her want to puke, she was repulsed, disgusted and her heart ached. She couldn’t look at him without thinking about Leah. What he had done to her.

“Now I love you. And I hope you see….I hope you see what I’ve been trying to tell you all along. That you love me too.” he pulled the gag down off of her mouth. Clara sighed in relief, her jaw ached. “Tell me. Tell me you love me.” she hawked a big loogie, and spit it at him.

Rage flickered over his face, it passed quickly, before he stood, scratching the back of his head. “I hate you. Fuck you.” she spat again. He tsked, shaking his head.

“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do this. But I can’t have you trying to run away.” He pulled a thick board from beneath the bed, and something else, that dangled from his arm, just out of Clara’s sight. She glared at him, resilience conquering her fear. “You ever see the movie Misery?” Clara had. She hated it. But she didn’t answer him. “This kind woman saves her favorite author from a snowstorm and he’s ungrateful. So she punishes him. So he’ll see that she loves him. She just wants him to be happy with her and make things right.” They must have seen two very different versions of that movie. “You know what she does when she finds out he snuck out? She hobbled him.” And it was that moment, that Clara realized just what he was intending to do. She squirmed, trying to get away, only then did she realize her feet were chained too. He sets the board between her ankles. “Don’t squirm or I’ll miss and it’ll be worse." Tears streamed down Clara's face, loud, broken sobs escaping her throat. Alex lifted the sledgehammer over his shoulder with both hands.

“Alex! Please!” Clara cried out for mercy. He shook his head, face unchanging.

“You’ll learn to like it here. Or at the very least, you’ll learn to see things my way.”

He brought the hammer down.

Harry felt good. Blood splattered his shirt and his chin, his hands were covered in the dried substance. But he felt relief, a good kill was kinda like sex. It released the tension. He could focus all of his anger. All of his hate. All of his rage. That’s why he was so good at it. He could focus and then disassociate quickly when it was over.

But this time was different. He worried about Clara. He’d called the hotel room a couple times, she didn’t answer, so he figured she fell asleep. But that didn’t sit right with him. It wasn’t as late as he’d expected, surely she’d still be up. He shook his head. He didn’t even know why he was worried, what did it matter, tomorrow he’d be leaving her at a bus station with a ticket and going to his own home.

He did feel kind of bad for lying to her. But he didn’t know what else to do. If she knew that the real reason he took her was to use her, in case the cops caught him, she could freak. So he shouldn’t feel bad for wanting self preservation. But he did.

And he couldn’t stop thinking about her life. About her anxiety, and how she, like him, had lost someone who meant the world to her. He shook his head, trying to get her out of his mind. She was nineteen and he was twenty five. Not to mention he kidnapped her! There was no way anything could ever come from that. Nothing good anyway. He was the bad guy. The bad guys never get the girl.

He pulled up to the motel room and parked the van, slamming the door as he stepped out of it. But when he saw their room, he dropped his keys and ran inside.

The door was standing open, and when he went in Clara was gone. All of his things were there, everything was in order. She was just….. gone. He cursed and ran a hand through his hair, jogging outside to pick up his keys and come back in. Maybe she took off on her own. He thought. Saves me a trip to the bus station. He tried to feel some sort of relief, but it didn’t come. There was a feeling of dread in the room, and when he almost stepped on the syringe on the floor, he knew. He knew Clara hadn’t gone of her own free will. What the fuck happened? He fell back onto the edge of his bed, holding the syringe in his hands. There was a bit of liquid still inside. He watched it move as he tilted it back and forth in his hand.

Clara learned fast early on. Just submit and she wouldn't be punished.

Six Months Later:

The hobbling wasn’t even the worst of the things Alex had done to her. He completely stripped her of her identity. Bit by bit. To the point that she no longer even spoke. Just limped around with her head down and her mouth shut. The abuse she faced was almost always psychological, only getting physical when she really infuriated him.

If she screamed or fought he drugged her. If she cried out he would hit her harder, if she didn’t do what she was told he’d cuss her up and down until he was blue in the face. Only to turn around and tell her how much he loved her, and how he just wanted her to be happy with him. She tried to be strong, to be brave at first, but he learned of her phobia and her anxieties, and he would often play on those to keep her in a submissive, and docile state of being.

Alex had forced her to watch as slowly, little by little, news coverage and search parties dwindled. He told her her parents thought she was dead, that no one was looking for her, and eventually all the hope left her. She shut off, and became even more of a shell of herself.

The more docile she became, the more freedom she had. She was never allowed outside, but she could peak out the window. She was no longer chained to her bed at night, but he did lock her door. If he needed to leave she could wander about the house, but was locked up if he had guests. This was her life now, and her week as Harry's hostage, faded into obscurity.

Clara. Leah. Harry. Alez. None of that was real anymore. She had completely dissociated from who she had been. She was beyond numb. She had become hollow.

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #solo harry #hs fandom #hs imagine #hs fanfic #hs2 #hs1 #imagine harry styles

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sevenwonderwitch · 4 years

Text

Unholy Bonds

Chapter Four ( one, two, three)

Pairing: Michael Langdon x Fem!OC

Warnings: drug usage, violence, serial killer Michael, kidnapping, assault, Stockholm syndrome, hobbling, torture, shot gunning

A/N: this chapter gets dark. Reader discretion advised

@rocketgirl2410

Prudence was propped on her elbows, head in hands, feet locked together, as she watched Michael lay out his ‘tools’ on the opposite bed. He had lifted a floorboard in the van, to reveal a box, filled with tons of weapons, some she didn’t even recognize. The tv played commercials in the background, neither of them were paying attention. Michael touched the tools gently, almost affectionately. It was strange to her. He began putting them, one by one into a duffel bag.

He had explained to her that sorting his tools was like pregame for him. Looking at them and thinking about what he'd use them for amped him up. It made her shudder.

“Keep the door locked. Don't answer it for anyone. I'll be back in a few hours,” Prudence rolled over onto her back, sighing.She counts the tiles in the ceiling, she hasn’t had her meds in days and she can feel the tide coming in, the anxieties slowly creeping up, ready to drag her down again. “Prudence?” Michael came to her,he leaned over her face “Princess,” he said gently, “what's wrong?” She wrinkled her nose.

“I'm not a princess,” she insisted. Michael chuckled.

“What's on your mind?”

“Its my meds,” she swallowed down the lump forming in her throat, “I've been off my medication for too long…..”

“For anxiety?” She nodded.

“And other things.”

“Are they over the counter or?”

“Doctor scripts.”

“What happens when you go off them?” Prudence furrowed her brow, she doesn't know how to describe it.

“It's not good,” she can see the wheels turning, as Michael tried to find a solution to Her current problem.

“I have a suggestion….but before I give it, I want to know what you want me to do.” Prudence was taken aback by Michael’s sudden thoughtfulness.

“I want you to stay,” she said honestly.

“Prudence.” He warns.

“Please.”

“You know I can't.”

“Why not.”

“Because.” He was getting irritated. She continued.

“Because why?”

“You know why .” He growled.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I have a job to do.”

“Killing innocent people isn't a job, it's murder.”

“So you’re like Batman.” she said after a while. He gave her a confused look, she sat up, turning to face him fully. “Like Batman. A Vigilante. You know, someone who takes the law into their own hands, cuz they think the law officials can’t or won’t do it.” Michael chewed on his tongue thoughtfully for a moment, before nodding.

“Batman….I like that. Yeah. We’re like Batman…...So since your idea isn't possible, would you wanna try mine?” she shrugged. “You ever smoke weed before?” he asked her. She shook her head. “figured,” he went into the bathroom, Prudence heard him rummage around and when he came back out he had a little ceramic bowl in his hand and a lighter. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her. “If you're okay with this and you want to try it we will. It might help you relax, it works different for everyone. But it’s been known to treat anxiety and depression…..We can’t just go out and get your medicine so, this would be the next best thing.”

“I want to.” She said in a small voice.

“I guess not.”

“Good. Give me your hand.” Prudence held out her hand and Michael ook her thumb and first finger making an ‘o’ shape. He intertwined her three other fingers with his own and made the ‘o’ shape with his fingers. “When I start to lean in, you do it too, and I’ll blow the smoke through my hands into your mouth. Inhale as much as you can. Hold it for like, thirty seconds I guess, and then exhale. I’ll go slow.” Prudence adjusted herself, sitting up on her knees. Michael brought the lit bowl to his lips and took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving hers. She watched him, fascinated as he made a squeaking, sneezing sort of sound and closed his lips, holding his breath.

He leaned in and she pressed her fingers to her lips.

His breath was cool as it hit her parted lips, she inhaled, eyes beginning to water, and almost choking, it sort of burned. He breathed slow and she expanded her stomach until she couldn’t take anymore. She pulled away, releasing their hands and held her breath. Michael stood, going to the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water just as she began coughing and sputtering. She felt like her throat was bleeding, it really hurt. Her ears felt like they needed to pop. But as she coughed, she felt the pain beginning to fade, like she was stepping outside of her body, she knew it was happening, but the pain was becoming distant. The waves of anxiety were pulling further and further back. Michael walked back over, handing her the bottle of water. She took it gratefully.

“How are you feeling?” he asked her. Her eyes felt heavier, almost as though she were squinting at him.

“Good. The waves are gone.” He looked at her for a moment, opened his mouth, then closed it again before turning to grab his duffel bag.

“I’ll be back in a few hours. You’ll probably be sleeping. I’ll try not to wake you.” Prudence waved her hand at him as she fell back against the bed. She felt light, like she was floating. Her legs tangled and her body felt pain free. It was a nice feeling.

Michael shut and locked the door behind him.

Kai had been searching for Prudence since the news broke she was missing. He was angry. Someone else had gotten her first. And at a fucking gas station! Really?! But that wasn’t going to stop him. He would rescue his damsel and she would be grateful, loving even. Happy to share her life with him. He scoured every news report he could find, made a special website dedicated to finding her and sorted through tip after tip, focusing on only the most logical ones.

And it led him here. To this shitty motel in the middle of Bumfuck,Egypt.. He had watched them for the last day, his damsel and her captor. He looked like a dick. He was the tall, athletic, frat boy type. Definitely a fuck boy. But he was bigger, and Kai was smart, if he couldn’t take him he would wait until he left. And when he saw him climb into that shitty van and drive away, he knew it was his chance.

Prudence was flushing the toilet when she heard the door open. She rolled her eyes, hiking her pants up and buttoning them, before swinging the door open. “Did you forget…..some….thing….”The words died on her tongue when she saw him.

He looked so different. He was pale, gaunt and had dark circles under his eyes, light stubble on his cheeks. His hair was even more shaggy and unkempt, a wild look in his eye as he held up the knife in his hand. He looked like he hadn’t changed his clothes in days. Kai. Anderson. Had found her. She sucked in a sharp breath.

“It’s all right.” he said, holding up his hands, talking to her in a calm voice, like she was a scared animal. “Everyone’s been looking for you. We’ve all been worried.”

“How did you-”

“Come on Prudence, you know me,” he rolled his eyes, stepping closer to her, she took a step back in reflex. “You know I’ll never let you go. You can run, you can hide. You can move three or four fucking states-leave the country even! And I will always find you. I’ll always be here.” he smiled at her, “And you know why?” he tapped the knife against his temple, “cuz I’m in here. I’ll always be in here.” She felt a hard surface behind her. Shit. Kai grinned, stepping closer still and placing the knife against the base of her throat. “You’ll never be rid of me.” Something sharp poked Prudence in the side, she reached up, trying to hit him, but he blocked her hand with his arm. Her eyes widened as she saw the tip of the needle he’d had hidden in his sleeve. She grabbed at him, her legs suddenly felt like jello, he backed up and she fell forward, onto her knees. “Nightly Night.” the floor came rushing towards her, but darkness met her first.

Prudence was standing at the beginning of a long pier. Ahead of her she someone. A woman, in a black dress, long brown hair flowing behind her. Lexa. She began to run. Calling out to her lost lover. The more she ran the further Lexa seemed to get-

“Wake up.” Prudence groaned, someone was shaking her shoulder, making her brain bounce around inside of her head. It hurt to open her eyes, but when she finally did, and they adjusted she realized two things.

One. She wasn’t in the motel room anymore.

Two. She was chained to a mattress, Her arms hanging from the headboard.

She looked over to see the face of her nightmares. Kai stood over her, he had been the one shaking her, She tried to scream, only to feel a gag covering her mouth. Panic began to snake up her body, lighting her on fire with adrenaline. Kai walked around to the front of the bed. Towering over her like the boogeyman.

“Now, I understand if you still don’t trust me….I’ve done some things that….You might not agree with.” Prudence snarled, her eyes narrowing. Kai ignored her. “But you’ll see soon enough, that it all came from a place of love. I mean look at you!” he shouted, pointing at her, “I saved you! That man! He would have killed you! Or left you to die! I would never! I found you! I saved you!” He came back around toward her, and sat next to her on the bed. He looked at her with a tenderness that made her want to puke, she was repulsed, disgusted and her heart ached. She couldn’t look at him without thinking about Lexa. What he had done to her.

“Now I love you. And I hope you see….I hope you see what I’ve been trying to tell you all along. That you love me too.” he pulled the gag down off of her mouth. Prudence sighed in relief, her jaw ached. “Tell me. Tell me you love me.” she hawked a big loogie, and spit it at him.

Rage flickered over his face, it passed quickly, before he stood, scratching the back of his head. “I hate you. Fuck you.” she spat again. He tsked, shaking his head.

“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do this. But I can’t have you trying to run away.” He pulled a thick board from beneath the bed, and something else, that dangled from his arm, just out of Her sight. She glared at him, resilience conquering her fear. “You ever see the movie Misery?” She had. She hated it. But she didn’t answer him. “This kind woman saves her favorite author from a snowstorm and he’s ungrateful. So she punishes him. So he’ll see that she loves him. She just wants him to be happy with her and make things right.” They must have seen two very different versions of that movie. “You know what she does when she finds out he snuck out? She hobbled him.” And it was that moment, that Prudence realized just what he was intending to do. She squirmed, trying to get away, only then did she realize her feet were chained too. He sets the board between her ankles. “Don’t squirm or I’ll miss and it’ll be worse. Tears streamed down Prudence’s face, loud, broken sobs escaping her throat.” Kai lifted the sledgehammer over his shoulder with both hands.

“Kai! Please!” Prudence cried out for mercy. He shook his head, face unchanging.

“You’ll learn to like it here. Or at the very least, you’ll learn to see things my way.”

He brought the hammer down.

Michael felt good. Blood splattered his shirt and his chin, his hands were covered in the dried substance. But he felt relief, a good kill was kinda like sex. It released the tension. He could focus all of his anger. All of his hate. All of his rage. That’s why he was so good at it. He could focus and then disassociate quickly when it was over.

But this time was different. He worried about Prudence . He’d called the hotel room a couple times, she didn’t answer, so he figured she fell asleep. But that didn’t sit right with him. It wasn’t as late as he’d expected, surely she’d still be up. He shook his head. He didn’t even know why he was worried, what did it matter, tomorrow he’d be leaving her at a bus station with a ticket and going to his own home.

He pulled up to the motel room and parked the van, slamming the door as he stepped out of it. But when he saw their room, he dropped his keys and ran inside.

The door was standing open, and when he went in She was gone. All of his things were there, everything was in order. She was just….. gone. He cursed and ran a hand through his hair, jogging outside to pick up his keys and come back in. Maybe she took off on her own. He thought. Saves me a trip to the bus station. He tried to feel some sort of relief, but it didn’t come. There was a feeling of dread in the room, and when he almost stepped on the syringe on the floor, he knew. He knew Prudence hadn’t gone of her own free will. What the fuck happened? He fell back onto the edge of his bed, holding the syringe in his hands. There was a bit of liquid still inside. He watched it move as he tilted it back and forth in his hand.

Six Months Later:

Prudence learned fast early on. Just submit and she wouldn't be punished.

The hobbling wasn’t even the worst of the things Kai had done to her. He completely stripped her of her identity. Bit by bit. To the point that she no longer even spoke. Just limped around with her head down and her mouth shut. The abuse she faced was almost always psychological, only getting physical when she really infuriated him.

Kai had forced her to watch as slowly, little by little, news coverage and search parties dwindled. He told her her parents thought she was dead, that no one was looking for her, and eventually all the hope left her. She shut off, and became even more of a shell of herself.

Prudence. Lexa. Michael. Kai. None of that was real anymore. She had completely dissociated from who she had been. She was beyond numb. She had become hollow.

#michael langdon imagine #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon one shot #michael langdon fanfic #michael langdon fanfiction #michael langdon x you #michael langdon #american horror story 1984 #american horror story #cody fern #ahs: 1984 #ahs apocolaypse #ahs one shot #ahs fanfic #ahs fanfiction #ahs imagine #cody fern fanfic #cody fern x reader #cody fern imagine

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #283

“if teardrops could be bottled, there’d be swimming pools filled by models”

How much would you tip a waiter or waitress for good service? I honestly don’t even know the proper etiquette of tipping because I almost never ever have been in a sit-down restaurant where I’ve paid because of the whole “I don’t have an income” thing. If for whatever reason I did, I would have asked the person with me how. I do (maybe…) believe however that there should be a baseline for how much you tip, even if your experience is somewhat unpleasant. You don’t know what that person is going through that day. If it’s just pure awful, then I might not tip at all, but I think I’d honestly feel way too guilty. Who is your favorite character from the television sitcom Friends? I don’t watch it. Whose name might you have tattooed on your body? None. Well, I guess if I had hypothetical kids, I might, especially as a tribute if they died. What is something that you always need to leave plugged in? I always at least have my laptop charger plugged into the wall, but not always into my computer as to not totally kill the battery. I just need it a lot because I’m only always on it. Who might you send a selfie to? I don’t send them to anyone, really, save for specific occasions. I just take selfies once in a blue moon to change my Facebook picture, honestly. I feel weird just sending people pictures of me because I feel like I’m screaming, “HEY LOOK AND COMPLIMENT ME!!!!!!!!!”, so it makes me uncomfortable. I only did semi-recently because my friend did my makeup for a Halloween shoot and for once in my goddamn life I felt really pretty so sent it to Sara. Name an item in or on your bed every night. My phone is on the right upper corner of my bed so I can check it when I wake up; I always wake up throughout the night and wanna know what time it is. Out of your work shift, how much time do you spend doing “actual work”? Well one, define “actual work,” but odds are almost zero because I don’t have shit to do. How long do your New Years resolutions typically last? I don’t make ‘em. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Most likely Mom. What’s the song that reminds you of the person you like?Okay so deadass I listened to NSP’s “Wish You Were Here” cover recently and kinda cried lol. Are you good at holding back your tears? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? My goddamn sanity. How many jobs do you have? None. Do you have any memories you want to erase? There’s one occasion with Jason I wish I could forget so, so badly. Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? No. I don’t believe in pre-determined destinies and such, and thus I don’t see anything as “meant” and “not meant” to be. Do you believe in destiny? Wow, good timing lmao. Do you believe that things will get better? I like to think so. Have you ever drunk dialed someone? No. Have you ever worn a tiara? Haha, I think on my 18th birthday maybe, my friend Summer came with us to dinner and brought me a birthday tiara. If someone offered to take you out for your birthday, where would you decide to go? I almost always go to Olive Garden for dinner. But, after trying the Cheesecake Factory for the first time… *eyes emoji* If you plan to have kids, what will you tell them about Santa Clause? I’m not having kids, but hypothetically, I’d let them believe it. It’s so magical as a kid and brings so much excitement. I’d tell them the truth when it feels appropriate, and if I know they’re not the type to go telling other kids for no reason “HEY MY MOM SAID SANTA’S NOT REAL SO UR DUMB.” I’d be damned if they ruined it for other children. If you have ever been employed, have you ever been attracted to your boss? What about a co-worker? Not that I remember. Do [would] you avoid kissing your [possibly hypothetical] significant other when you or they are ill? Look man I made out with my ex while he was recovering from bronchitis before we knew it wasn’t contagious so OOPS yeah because I am 110% the “if you’re sick, I’m sick” dumbass all the while going FULL Mom Mode taking care of the person. What was the last thing you bought, other than food? With my own money, that is a daaaamn good question. I only really use it/am given it for food. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? Do you know what that person is doing at this moment? My mom. She’s in the living room watching TV, probably. Think back to the last time you cried, or felt like crying. Who or what helped you to feel better? My mom. Do you own any accessories with your name or initial on them? No, they don’t appeal to me. Is there someone of the opposite sex that knows everything, or almost everything, about you? I would say Jason, but we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for almost four years, and I’m a much different person by now, and I’m sure he is, too. Do you remember the last time you cried because you missed someone? A few weeks back I had a breakdown over Jason again. My PTSD was and still is being pretty rough lately. Are your eyes the same color as your sibling(s)? Just my brother. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents, or someone else? No. What’s your most noticeable flaw? Thinking about it, probably my extreme aversion to conflict. I will BOLT from confrontation. And what’s your best feature? I’m extremely empathetic. Have you ever hallucinated? Yeah; I would see shadows move when I was coming off a certain med. Do you have fangirl-ish tendencies? ………………. Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you? Wow, no. Either admit reciprocated feelings or gently turn them down. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles? OHHHHHHHH BUDDY. Led Zeppelin, I think… but maybe the Stones. Idk. What would you do for immortality and infinite youth? Nothing. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub? A pool. Is your handwriting legible? Yes. Well, some people find it slightly difficult because it’s kinda fancy. Have you ever held a baby chick? Yes! Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting? I’m not a fan. Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? No. What did you last get upset about? How incredibly fuckin weak my body is. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry? I don’t know. How many more people do you think you’ll kiss before you die? Hopefully only one. I do NOT want to deal with anymore heartbreak, nor do I want to waste anymore time with someone I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with. Are you more spiritual or religious? Spiritual. Ever been to a rave? Nooooo, most definitely not my scene. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? No. Song playing right now? I’m listening to “PRESIDENT X” by 3TEETH rn. Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that’s incredibly rude. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? They’re not all “stupid”…? There are some beautiful names I’ve heard. It’s none of my business why others’ children are named what they are. Do you get car sick easily? I don’t. Do you think you’re a good conversationalist? Why is that? NO. I’m just awkward and don’t know what to talk about or what to say back to people a lot. Awhile back though my friend Ian told me I was actually a really nice one and it meant a LOT to me. Hearing someone say that reassured me a little bit. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Who is your favorite animated character? Oh boy that’s hard man, idk. Maybe Ninetales, at least aesthetically. Idk about as characters themselves. Is it easy to make you gag? Yeah. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Scar. Would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus? I deadass kinda want a caiman lol. It’s something I doubt I’ll actually do, though. Do you like Ritz crackers? Yeah. Do you have any designer clothing? If so what brand? No. Were you afraid of the dark when you were little? Not very, no. What are your opinions on war in general? It’s fucking awful and could be avoided if people weren’t so goddamn hasty, selfish, and uncompromising, among many other adjectives. Do you like pretzels? Yessss, especially soft ones. Have you ever wanted to be a writer? Yeah, tons of times in my life on-and-off. Did you even vote? This is the very first year I actually did. I felt really bad for not acting, only complaining about my government, and “silence speaks” was heavy on my head. Did some research to educate myself, and I felt amazing afterwards. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Usually watermelon. Are you wearing any bandaids? If so, where and why? No. Do you currently have any bruises on you? No. Do you/did you like or dislike school? I always hated it. Are you currently wearing any lotion? No. Do you ever make recipes found online? What was the last one? I don’t cook, so… but there sure are some that look good. If you smoke weed, what do you usually do after you get high? If you don’t, what would you do if everyone around you were smoking? I never have, so I wouldn’t know. Haha, for the second half, sit there awkwardly… been there once. What’s the last thing you ordered online? The next Wings of Fire book. Starting Sunny’s story now. Tell me about your favorite dress. I had this spring dress in high school that was white with purple skulls on it in a floral design… It was really cute and just has a special memory tied to it. Have you ever slept in a waterbed? If so, what was it like? Yeah, that used to be considered “fun” as a kid. They’re not awful, but not that comfortable either, and if I remember well, it’s easy to get sweaty because of the material. How many floors does your house have? Just one. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Hell yeah I do. Do you ever buy the same shirt in different colors? Simple tank tops, yeah. Ever made out on a rooftop? Damn dude no I’d be paranoid of falling off lmao. One place you will never eat at? Arby’s. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a "bad" one? Nope.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

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mental-health-advice · 4 years

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Submissions from 🦚🌺

So took me a while to scroll through to my last tagged ask (for some reason searching didn’t work). So much about staying consistent and actually tagging my stuff from now on. Gosh uff. The one where sibling found possible drugs and the one about mom being xenophobic almost causing shut down as in passing out were me too. I usually either tend to forget to tag or I guess am kinda scared since I feel I send in A LOT? I really don’t know. It’s just a lot going on and I feel bad always (1🦚🌺)

I feel bad always throwing all my stuff at my friends. Especially as one friend a few years ago was diagnosed with depression. Idk what her current situation is tho except that she seems to do better. I won’t ask her since I feel weird about that stuff. Plus really unless she wants to tell me it’s none if my business. But yeah that’s that I guess. Now… I’ve been rejected from the art college/highschool unfortunately so that’s out the window. My therapist suggests volunteer year 2🦚🌺

Whivh we have a social and economic one of I think? Idk. I know social won’t work because of my likelyhood of social anxiety which kinda self explanatory I guess. Economic I’m just scared I wont be able to pull the whole tear through, scared to do stuff wrong etc. Hell I spent 2 low sleep nights crying after the rejection and mom forced the answer out of me when I clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Turned into an argument about how I got forced into abitur/regular highschool 3🦚🌺

And OBVIOUSLY she blames dad for it. Which like… great whatever he told her. My point is HE was more supportive in front of ME than she was. She just tore me down 2 years ago. Next week I dont have a therapist appointment since she will be moving. So I’m praying this week will go by smoothly. Well as smooth as it can go with all the arguments around here I guess. I’m still trying to process everything since March 4🦚🌺

1? 2? I’ve lost track of time … weeks ago she and her bf fought very badly and she essentially ran away for an hour, he claimed he is leaving but then stayed. My younger sisters were all crying, my brothers were just not surprised and I had to try call family members (which calling others is a physical challenge for me) trying to find a way to deal with what happened. My therapist knows about this incident. She now also knows moms bf smokes weed but not about what 5🦚🌺

else we found. I’ll see if I can bring it up soonish since it still worries me… my brother also later confirmed again he caught them snorting it so yeah most likely we are right about it being cocaine. I feel uncomfortable looking up the effects of it but my cousin said that could explain a lot of moms behavior. Shes always been this way I think.I right now dont even remember where I was going with this ask chain hhhh frick.I’m loosing track of myself once again please send help 6🦚🌺

(Have to switch to browser because app again refuses to let me send stuff wtf) My mom also is back onto “oh you just have split personality!” … I have informed myself on DID and OSDD, I have symptoms yes. But I doubt it’s that. In fact my therapist even talks about that stuff with me! I have different parts but mom doesn’t know they exist so idk. I tried to literally tell her how DID is made and she didn’t want to listen. She claims she did almost everything right and I’m making up 7🦚🌺

My trauma. So you would think that she would stay away from assuming such a trauma heavy diagnosis. Welp she actually doesn’t know anything about mental health either way and legit took my brother off his adhd meds years ago because “they changed him too much” and then refused to take him to appointments when we noticed signs of tourette in him because she felt like she fucked up as parent?? Wat?? I can’t make sense of this woman anymore tbh 8🦚🌺

Sorry that this is all over the place, it’s 1am for me rn, I cant sleep really, still am trying to process I won’t see my friend who I was looking forward to seeing this year for 2-3 years and who would have been a temporary escape from this hellhole until at least another year or 2 depending on the situation, being in the top 10 corona countries and in fact second most infected state in germany and really just switching between sliding down to a kid and /or almost passing out 9(?)🦚🌺

almost passing out when trauma responses shut me down and I just can not describe my emotions of the past months other than I just want someone to hug me and to feel safe and to feel like this mess at home and the world isn’t happening. My mind is all over the place and I feel like at this point I’m going insane and I’m not making any sense anymore. Again sorry for the probably stupid rant/,vent that probably made no damn sense idek anymore - final🦚🌺

So much about what I sent in yesterday hoping for the best. 3 hours ago I woke up to a message chain about how we (me and my siblings. We are 6 in total) apparently abuse her and use her. And basically just complaining about the tiniest things regarding chores. For example yesterday I completely cleaned the kitchen and she complained because some dishes stood around since people still ate AFTER I did the chores. Like tf. My friends say it seemed like from the screenshots that she is 1🦚🌺

using us as tools? Idek anymore. She also completely ignored me sending her and asking her stuff about the valounteer year last night since the school rejected me and I need that alternative. Apparently a clean flat is more important than my literal future. On the other hand I for once had a normal conversation with my almost 15yo brother (I’m almost 19, however not mentally and also not in the position to move still especially with the virus and all) and it turned out that he shares 2🦚🌺

Moms views on therapy whivh I’ve mentioned in the past aren’t really the best views on it. So yeah that’s just great. He basically just thinks it’s stupid. Either way. Currently my only way of possibly getting away would be a psychiatric /mental hospital stay. THING IS while I’m bety aware it isnt like in the movies I am deadly afraid of the thought. Not having my freedom to come and go when I please, not being able to meet up with friends or something etc. I would not feel safe and 3🦚🌺

it would just expose me to a lot of stress and anxiety which wouldn’t be any better than being yelled at constantly at home and having mom shit talk my friends. Everything is just kinda a mess with her rn and my siblings don’t see it from my perspective. Like YES we mess up and don’t do things right. She has a reason to be mad. But NO she doesn’t have the tight to essentially abuse us and no her behavior isnt parenting this is manipulation. 4🦚🌺

They only see the first half and think she’s in the right… I myself struggle to differentiate right and wrong and am unable to read situations well, which is why it took me 17-18 years and my friends calling it out to realise this is wrong. But I at least listen… they don’t. I sometimes just wish I grew up in a stable functioning family. Or honestly that she never even had me since she was VERY young when she had me so that’s probably why she never learned how to 5(?)🦚🌺

Act properly towards us. As she had me when she was just my age (18) and then the following 8 years had 4 more of my 5 siblings. I feel she never had time to grow up and learn herself especially considering she was abused herself…. final🦚🌺

Hi 🦚🌺,

It's good to hear from you again! There's absolutely nothing wrong with messaging us often, so feel free to tag all of your asks that you send in! I think that will actually make it easier on both of us, as you'll be able to find responses easier and I can look back on your previous asks easier to make sure I'm not missing anything or repeating myself :) Also, the search function on tumblr is quite picky, so unfortunately it can be hard to find posts. I've run into the same issue with locating old asks on the blog as well!

It's understandable that you don't want to bug your friends with your problems, especially if they have some mental health struggles of their own. However, it might help to think of it this way: mental illness is so common that chances are most people you meet will have some sort of struggle with their mental health, which means you wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about your struggles if you don't want to bother someone who struggles with their mental health. That doesn't seem fair to you! While everyone needs to have boundaries, especially to protect their health, I think it's reasonable to share things with your friends when you're struggling. You deserve that support, especially with everything else you have going on in your life!

It must have been devastating to not get into art school and I'm so sorry that happened! It does sound like volunteering could be a potential route for you to go down, even if it's just until you figure out what you want to do in the future. It makes sense that certain volunteer options can be rolled out based on the nature of the work and the things you struggle with. Perhaps there is something you could do from home that wouldn't trigger your anxiety. For instance, I volunteer for a text-based suicide hotline, which I do from home. I'm not saying you have to do something exactly like this, but it might spark an idea that you or your therapist maybe haven't thought of yet. It's just something to think about.

What's going on with the drugs in your house is definitely concerning and I think it would be a good idea to bring that up with your therapist. It's really dangerous to have these kinds of drugs around with younger kids being there. Not only is it possible for kids to accidentally get into it and harm themselves, but it's also dangerous for them to be around adults that are high because of their erratic behaviors. This is why I think it would be wise to talk to your therapist about this to see what input she has.

It's great that your therapist has talked to you about your diagnoses as well as what you don't have that your mom has tried to say you have. I'm sure it's frustrating to have your mom make those accusations, but I think it's good that you at least have your therapist there to reassure you that you don't in fact have those diagnoses.

It's so disappointing that your friend won't be able to visit as you guys had planned because I know you were really looking forward to that! Unfortunately, coronavirus seems to ne ruining plans for most people all over the world. Hopefully you guys will be able to come up with another plan for meeting up, though it likely won't be able to happen until the pandemic is more under control. Still, at least making tentative plans for meeting in the future may give you both something to look forward to once travel is finally safe again.

I'm so sorry that your mom treats you and your siblings this way. It does sound like she may use you guys as tools, as your friends put it. This is sometimes another sign of abuse/neglect, which honestly isn't surprising considering all of your mom's other behaviors.

What you mentioned about getting out of the house makes sense and I agree that an inpatient stay might not be the best way to go about it. Not only will that be more restrictive, as you mentioned, but most hospitals won't allow inpatient stays unless the person is incapable of keeping themselves or others safe while receiving outpatient care (though I obviously don't know whether this is the case for you). I still think it's a good idea to keep thinking about potential ways of getting out of your mom's house once you're ready for that. One option I'm wondering about is a group home (I think these may be called something else in other countries but it's basically a house where several adults with varying physical and/or mental illnesses live together and there are usually various types of staff who also stay there). These can sometimes be a bit restrictive, but much less so than a hospital would be. I believe they typically have a curfew, otherwise you're allowed to leave during the day. Although I'm not sure if this would be a viable option for you (and it probably wouldn't be anyway until after the pandemic is more controlled), it's just something that popped into my head when thinking about other ways of eventually getting you away from your mom's abuse.

What you said about your mom's parenting vs. manipulation is 100% accurate. It's very common for someone who was abused by parents to go on to abuse their own children unless they put in the effort to change, but know that you still don't deserve to be abused and manipulated. It's not your fault that your mom was abused and never unlearned the negative behaviors she saw experienced as a child. You and your siblings all deserve so much better than this!

-Samantha

#abuse #abusive parent #drugs #drug use #family #🦚🌺#advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mhasamantha

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thecrypticqueer · 4 years

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June 29-2020

Okay so this is my first journal entry on my blog, if you wanna know why im doing this go check out my last post i guess.

So one of the main things that has been kinda hard to grasp os the fact that there is a possibility i have DID or OSDD. It takes a long time to diagnose but i’m working on that stuff with my therepist. But I have had alters for a while now i guess and i know at different points i have been aware of them but then i guess i end up forgetting. for example like 4 years ago i told my friend i had alters and she reminded me of that yesterday when we were talking, and i honestly don’t remember telling her. an then same thing with my other friend a year or two ago i told another friend but i only barely remember telling her and in between those times from each other and now i have basically been in the dark about having alters. which i know is normal since the disorders are designed for you to not know you have it. But its still so disorienting and i feel like im faking it, but then why would i be faking it in a room alone where i feel extremely dissociated and like im not n control of my own body. I have also been working with a psychiatrist because im on depression meds too. and i smoke weed occasionally for migraines and when my anxiety is at it’s peak. but ive been afraid to smoke because i don’t want either of my mental health doctors to think that all of the things i am experiencing is due to weed. And so even when i have migraines that last weeks i haven’t been smoking for fear that they wont take what im saying seriously and it hella hurts. And ive been getting more and more anxious and it’s just annoying that i have to stop partially taking care of myself in order to be taken seriously.

And I have a few friends who are systems who have been helping me out and shit especially with coming to terms with the fact ive been through trauma( some of which i remember some of which i don’t but i can remember some strong feelings). But I still feel like nothings real.

And it is especially hard when i told my parents and my dad dead ass asked if it could be possession............ like are you fucking kidding me? Idk it’s just been really weird learning all of these things and trying to work through them while not really having much of a support system. ( mostly because im shit at reaching out to people who do actually support and care for me) but im working on it.

#crypticqueerjournalentry #feel free to interact #osdd #did

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purple-verse · 5 years

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Extremely detailed character sheet for Randall

Template found here

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Randall Gaspar Purpura

Reason or meaning of name: My characters tend to name themselves. When I first designed Randall the name just kinda echoed in my head.

Character’s nickname: I call him Rand. NEVER RANDY. dont do that please.

Reason for nickname: Randall is a long name lmao

Birth date: 12/13/73

Physical appearance

Age: 23

How old does he/she appear: i think Randall looks a lot younger and could probably be mistaken for 17-19. he definitely gets carded whenever buying anything adult.

Weight: 95-100 pounds

Height: 5′3″

Body build: Emaciated but with wide hip bones

Shape of face: rounded heart shape?

Eye color: brown

Glasses or contacts: he needs to wear glasses, but can’t find them.

Skin tone: pale yellowish tan with lots of freckles

Distinguishing marks: freckles, rope burn scars on neck, wrists and ankles, deep scars all over body. he has a tattoo in the middle of his back of an eye

Predominant features: biiiiig nose and shark teeth

Hair color: black with a purple sheen (mostly because of grease)

Type of hair: super curly and fluffy if clean, straight with slight curls when dirty

Hairstyle: usually shoulder length and choppy, but sometimes cuts it shorter or grows it longer.

Voice: i always wanted him to sound like Danny Elfman, but I do his voice acting.

Overall attractiveness: not very. I’d give him a 4 outta 10 maybe? higher if you like weird looking guys

Physical disabilities: ulcers, anemia, jaundice, chipped teeth, scoliosis, a mild muscle twitch and migraines

Usual fashion of dress: over sized sweaters (usually striped), black skinny cut jeans, black converse, knee high socks.

Favorite outfit: blue striped sweater, acid washed grey/black jeans, black low top converse, periwinkle knee high socks.

Jewelry or accessories: he sometimes wears a black necklace with an eye that matches his tattoo design and he wears a small black hoop earring in his right ear.

Personality

Good personality traits: He’s rather smart and clever, he gives pretty good advice, hes very loyal and will go out of his way to do whatever he can for friends.

Bad personality traits: He has anger issues, night terrors, delusions, gets VERY possessive of people he likes, can get violent, has violent alters he can’t control.

Mood character is most often in: if on meds hes usually in a dissociative calm state. off his meds hes quite irritable unless he’s smoking.

Sense of humor: he’ll tell corny jokes or puns sometimes, but has a hard time picking up when others joke with him.

Character’s greatest joy in life: eating pizza while watching a romcom and listening to his favorite music.

Character’s greatest fear: being yelled at

Why? bad childhood

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? uuuuh? i guess going off his meds didnt go great coupled with a new friend and having a crush on someone.

Character is most at ease when: listening to his headphones and writing

Most ill at ease when: people are yelling at him or he has a lot to do in a day

Enraged when: woken up badly, when he thinks the people around him hate him or are ignoring him

Depressed or sad when: being ignored or nothings on tv

Priorities: just getting through life

Life philosophy: reincarnation might be real and he hopes itll be better next time

If granted one wish, it would be: not being ill and finding love

Why? it causes most of his turmoil and its really hard for him and he just wants to be loved like he never was

Character’s soft spot: people being nice to him, being asked about his hyper fixations (hes usually too shy at first to talk much, but if he trusts you and you get him going he doesnt shut up)

Is this soft spot obvious to others? YES

Greatest strength: he has a lot of surprising physical strength (it wouldnt look like it), he has a pretty strong will too all things considered

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: his own mind, overthinking, moths (the guy)

Biggest regret: he missed his chance with someone he was really close to before he went to the hospital (Leon)

Minor regret: burning his pizza in fall of 1992

Biggest accomplishment: he used to write and actually wrote some small short stories that were published in magazines

Minor accomplishment: not burning his pizza in the winter of 1993

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: he was removed from school a lot growing up til he was expelled and “homeschooled” (it was just him reading all the curriculum himself).

Why? because its embarrassing to him

Character’s darkest secret: he keeps clothing and (if theyre killed) body parts of people hes infatuated with

Does anyone else know? mya does now

Past

Hometown: LA, California

Type of childhood: very badly neglected and abused

Pets: he had a cat as a child, but they died in an unfortunate accident and it really affected him. his plushie cat was name after her.

First memory: his mom yelling at him

Most important childhood memory: getting his plushie cat

Why: it was his number one comfort item. he still has it but shes really old and worn so he keeps it under his pillow or in his dresser

Childhood hero: he didnt have one

Dream job: when he was little wanted to be a vet, then when he got older he wanted to be an artist, now he wants to be a writer

Education: in and out of elementary, half of middle school and then self homeschooled on his own.

Religion: agnostic

Finances: very very poor

Present

Current location: [REDACTED FOR FUTURE GAMES]

Currently living with: he lived alone til he died

Pets: n/a

Religion: agnostic

Occupation: n/a

Finances: n/a

Family

Mother: Paloma Purpura

Relationship with her: very bad. She was extremely abusive to him in physical and mental ways. Randall was an accident and she blamed him for “ruining her life”. She was a severe alcoholic and would leave him home alone for days at a time sometimes. She had schizophrenia and would take out delusions on him. Moths waited til she was passed out and set the house on fire, using cigarettes to make it appear as an accident.

Father: Byun Ji-hwan

Relationship with him: He died while Paloma was 7 months pregnant with him. He got in a car accident. Paloma loved him a lot and his death made her spiral into a depression, most likely being a big factor in Randall being born premature and with many health problems.

Siblings: he’s an only child.

Spouse: He was in love with his neighbor and only friend, Leon, but he moved away and he never told him how he felt.

He was also briefly involved with his boss, Mort, at the pizzeria. He stalked him and was obsessed with him, but lost touch after he went to the hospital.

He had a crush on his neighbor, Tom, who Moths murdered and kept in his bathtub til mya stopped him.

Other important family members: He has an aunt and uncle on his mothers side who adopted him when his house burned down. They were mentally abusive to him and would have to tie him to his bed when he had night terrors cause he would hurt himself and others otherwise. thats why he has rope burn scars on his wrists and ankles.

Favorites

Color: Red and Blue

Least favorite color: yellow

Music: he listens to a lot of different genres, anything floaty and dreamy or kind of weird. his favorite band is radiohead, he also loves oingo boingo and the talking heads.

Food: pizza. pizza anything, he loves all pizza stuff. he hates burgers though.

Literature: horror novels

Form of entertainment: he likes to watch infomercials on TV

Mode of transportation: he has a purple Ford Escort. he keeps losing the keys so he tends to walk everywhere. does NOT ride the bus if he can help it

Most prized possession: His plushie cat, Shadow.

Habits

Hobbies: watching tv or doodling/writing

Plays a musical instrument? he cant play any instrument, but he likes to sing

Plays a sport? no one would play sports with him as a kid and he doesnt have the stamina, but he enjoys watching winter sports.

How he/she would spend a rainy day: He’d open the window so he can listen to the rain and just relax or write

Spending habits: he barely has enough money to get by as it is, but he likes to buy gas station pizza or candy when he can. sometimes he’ll treat himself if hes really depressed and by some silly little toy or something

Smokes: started smoking at 14, chain smoked until he worked and was irritable alot because the breaks werent enough and then he quit after staying in the hospital. Moths still smokes and Randall will have one if he gets really stressed.

Drinks: Used to drink when he was 16, doesnt like how it makes him feel. Triggers memories of his mom.

Other drugs: experimented with lots of drugs as a teen. tried pills, speed and weed. Stopped doing drugs after 2 years., never did them to excess, just to deal with PSTD.

What does he/she do too much of? drinks a lot of soda and caffeinated beverages.

What does he/she do too little of? eating anything. he tends to forget or is just not up for it.

Extremely skilled at: is actually a really good shot with a gun, surprisingly even without his glasses. hes also really good at rhythm type things

Extremely unskilled at: anything involving other people

Nervous tics: chews on his shirt, picks at his nails or bites his nails, covers his face with his sleeves

Usual body posture: slouches, puts his hands up to his chest with his sleeves covering them. tends to walk fast when in public to get home as fast as possible. (virgin walk)

Mannerisms: shy, twitchy, sweaty, has a stutter when nervous. tends not to be able to make eye contact and looks down or away mostly

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? very pessimistic

Introvert or extrovert? EXTREME introvert

Daredevil or cautious? cautious (moths is a daredevil with no impulse control)

Logical or emotional? tries to be logical usually, but ends up becoming emotional

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? it really depends on what. his self care is messy, but his living space is usually kept pretty clean and minimalist, except for maybe some food wrappers but he picks them up weekly.

Prefers working or relaxing? likes relaxing, but working gets his mind off things.

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? very very unsure of himself

Animal lover? yes, loves all animal esp bugs, rabbits and rats or any creature hated by most people (he relates)

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: hes very self loathing and takes what happened to him personally, feeling like he did something to deserve. that carried on to adulthood and now when something bad happens on accident he thinks he must have done something to deserve it. he finds himself very unattractive and has a hard time looking in the mirror. hates everything about himself.

One word the character would use to describe self: bad

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? he doesnt think he has any

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? shyness

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? eyes

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? scars

How does the character think others perceive him/her: he thinks people see him as a gross person, someone you wouldnt want to go near. and smelly.

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: everything

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: scary and would rather be alone, but wants love and friends

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? absolutely

Person character most hates: his mother, his aunt and uncle and tom

Best friend(s): mya and leon

Love interest(s): leon and sort of tom (it wasnt really reciprocated so hes dead)

Person character goes to for advice: mya

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: himself

Person character feels shy or awkward around: everyone

Person character openly admires: mya (he likes how outgoing and nice she is)

Person character secretly admires: mya

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: leon

After story starts: mya

#ive been working on this on and off for a very long time #randall purpura #purple game

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resonance-of-libra · 5 years

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Welp. Things have hit a breaking point with Wolfboy's family being here. His brother is off his meds (anti seizure & mood stabilizers) and was going on about how it was too much work to take them and raise a kid plus he smokes weed and forgets in the evening, and I said "Whether you take your meds or not isn't my business, but you do need to find a way to stabilize your mood yourself if you are off them. This isn't just your place, so when you fly off the handle, it affects all of us, including the tenants upstairs who pay a lot of money to live in a peaceful neighbourhood."

His jaw drops, and he stomps down the hall to tell his mom she needs to text his ex to tell her to get their kid and keep her until he finds his own place, then slams the door as he leaves, screaming about how he knows we hate him because he's a freak. Wolfboy peals out too and then comes back saying that I need to apologize for being too harsh and his mom comes out saying he couldn't afford his own place and we can't be giving him too many rules because he needs time to adjust and I start feeling like maybe I'm in the wrong here. Wolfboy says he's tired of making excuses for me.

So I go for a walk and call my mom and explain everything - including how this guy will tell his 2 year old it's bedtime and when she says no, he literally immediately goes red in the face and screams at her about how she's so fucking rude no wonder her mom doesn't want her he should put her up for adoption because he can't handle her fucking attitude and so on and so on for 10 minutes straight before slamming the door on her and leaving the house. She's fucking 2, by the way. So my parents let me know that by their standards I was totally reasonable and he'd be out the door in the morning if they had any say in it and my boyfriend was being a jackass for not immediately being on my side.

I come home and they are all fucking living it up, drinking and looking at memes and I go straight to my room. Wolfboy follows me and I let him know that I absolutely can not live under the same roof as his brother and I can't feel like I need to walk on eggshells when setting ground rules in my own house. He's freaking out because apparently I'm giving him an ultimatatum to choose between me and his family, but I'm like... See them as much as you want? I just can NOT live with his brother. He keeps saying we'll find a solution but really, the solution is his brother finds his own fucking place.

#The other rule that I was being to harsh with #Is don't smoke outside my bedroom window #By the way #They were like oh we can't tell him that #He's got too much going on as it is #He's too stressed #Fuck that shit #They done fucked up and got evicted #And I opened my doors to them to keep them off the street #And have had nothing but grief for it #The stress of them and their untrained yapppy dogs and 2 year old #Definitely contributed to my cats heart failure #My landlords only want to increase rent because they are here #And I'm gonna have to keep paying that once they are gone #And my understanding on the whole situation from the start #Was that this was temporary #A stopgap while they found their own place #And they treat it like this is their place #Not like they are guests in my home #Plus the kid #Was supposed to be here only every other weekend #She's here every other week plus a couple of extra days because the mom wants to go on a bender #And wolfboy's mom goes to the states nearly every weekend #Leaving the dogs with the terrible brother to take care of #Which he doesn't #So I'm stepping over literal dog shit in my house #He needs to fucking go

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sikereviewdotcom · 4 years

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wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood

tg, out

#wilfred #review #series review #wilfred review #wilfred 2011 #furry #sike reviews

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