#i’m also born in spring and i just feel like spring is so fitting for me > < | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bvidzsoo · 23 days

Text

Cherry Blossoms

🌸Student!Mingi🌸

TW: nothing, just a lot of crack imo, and mentions of murder sorta lol

Word count: 1.9k

Genre: university!au, stranger to lovers!au

A/N: Wellll, hi? hehe, idk either what this is other than a super random drabble that I had to write or else it would've haunted me for the rest of my life LOL (it also might be another excuse to not write my thesis *dies*) Apologies if the humor is not humoring, I usually don't write in this style (at least imo). I hope you enjoy, and let me know your thoughts about it! (divider)

Have you ever had a moment of clear confusion? So profound that no matter how hard you tried making sense of it…it just started making even less sense? That the longer you moved your mind around it, the stronger the headache became. Well, that’s how I felt staring up at the scarily tall guy looking down at me with the softest eyes, which were slightly shaking if I looked close enough. His plush and red lips pulled into the sheepiest grin I’ve ever seen and nose tall and straight, probably sculpted by some God the second he was born. I knew his face, I mean, it would’ve been hard not to when I’ve spent half a year staring back sometimes as I have caught him looking at me numerous times. This guy standing in front of me right now, placing his weight from one leg to another, hands behind himself, and cheeks very slowly flushing, was a predicament I would’ve never even thought I could’ve dreamed of.

“Come again?” I found my voice at last, eyebrows threatening to go past my hairline.

“Are you free right now?” The question sounded innocent enough, but I couldn’t put myself past the graveness of his voice. I would’ve never imagined it could go so low and hold so much rasp, but again, I have barely heard his voice before as he rarely conversed with people around himself.

“Depends why you want to know.” I answered, pushing my hands inside the pockets of my striped spring jacket. The weather was finally warm enough to allow us to wear our lighter fabrics without freezing to death at any given point of the day. The guy standing in front of me hesitated for a second, and then ran his fingers decorated with heavy rings through his silver-blonde hair. The change to it was new, and I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t taken aback by it when I saw it. But it fit him, in a very handsome way, If I must admit that.

“I was just wondering if you’d like to hang out with me…” Oh, well, that was another twist to the plot I had not been expecting. I chuckled, not because I found him funny, just because I knew my two best friends would be hollering on the sidelines hearing this guy’s words. Half a year spent staring at me from the shadows, avoiding eye contact and aggressively watching me when I wasn’t looking, now stood in front of me, looking just as nervous as I felt on the inside, asking me to hang out with him. What sort of alternate universe have I accidentally entered this morning?

“Okay, sure.” He didn’t need to know I actually had one more class. He had finally approached me, was talking to me, looking at me, and acknowledging my existence as one should normally do. That sounded like a good enough reason for me to skip my last class, I’m sure anyone would understand.

“Oh, that’s…” The flush on his cheeks became more prominent now, and he bit his plump bottom lip to stop his lips from spreading into a huge smile, “nice.”

I hummed and offered him a small smile, actually feeling excited about how things were turning out. Even five minutes ago if someone would’ve come up to me to tell me that he’d finally approach me and even ask to hang out, I would’ve laughed in their face.

“Oh, I’m Song Mingi, by the way.” He clumsily reached his hand out, staring at me expectantly. I was so used to his sharp gaze on me that I found myself holding his gaze with a wider smile now, grabbing his hand, and giving it a firm shake. Song Mingi didn’t have to know that I already knew more about him than I should’ve, considering the fact that we were strangers until now. Really, before you start calling me creepy and a stalker, social media exists these days. And let’s be honest, if a mildly attractive guy keeps staring at you every chance he gets, wouldn’t you also be even just a little bit curious about who he is? Call me a magician or simply skillful when it comes to finding people on social media, but it’s been over three months now that I have known his name, and, well, birthday. I might be one of those crazy astrology girls, huge emphasis on being sarcastic right now, astrology girls are awesome when they aren’t fighting demons and regretting every life choice upon one glance at one’s birth chart.

“Lovely finally knowing your name, Song Mingi,” I chuckled, releasing his hand, watching as his eyes widened a little bit, “Oh, you certainly can’t think I haven’t noticed you staring—”

“Oh, I’m sure you have!” Mingi cut me off, chuckling awkwardly, “I didn’t make it very subtle, to be fair.”

“Not at all.” I chuckled amused, flashbacks of his other three friends huddled around, as if we were in kindergarten or something, staring me down while I walked by with, of course, with Mingi in the middle, watching me with a blank face, fierce eyes boring into the back of my head, “I’m Y/N.”

“You have a beautiful name.” Well, perhaps that would’ve made me choke if I had been drinking something, but to my luck I wasn’t, and so I straightened my back, trying to fight off the shyness threatening to cage me in. So far, at least the very little I knew about Mingi by observing him back when he, miraculously, wasn’t paying attention to me, was that he was quiet. Withdrawn and a little even shy, perhaps, but mostly just content in his own world, unbothered by those around him. He rarely spoke, but when he did, I have noticed his friends fighting demons to not die from laughter. And if he turns out to be a funny guy, bingo, isn’t that what every girl wants?

“Thank you,” You have a beautiful face, but I can’t go saying that to him right away, right? “What do you have in mind? I mean, where do you want to hang out?”

And now let’s hope he’s not some dodgy psychopath who hates my loud laugh and made an elaborate plan to slaughter me the second he gets me alone.

“Would you like to go to a coffee shop or would you prefer walking?” Mingi proposed with a gentle smile, his rather sharp features looking dangerously soft and warm as another blush threatened to flush over his cheeks. If he kept on blushing, I might just die from cuteness aggression, “The weather is really nice today…”

It is, but not nicer than you, Song Mingi, “It is, let’s go for a walk, maybe?”

“A walk it is, then.” Mingi sealed the deal with a firm nod of his head, and I couldn’t help but giggle, trying to remind myself that this was really happening and I wasn’t in some alternate universe, or even in dreamland. Wouldn’t be too surprising if this interaction was just a fraction of my imagination; my mind is a scary place when it becomes delusional.

“Would you like to go to the park up on the hill?” That was the nicest park in our city, and well, at this time of hour it was littered with just the perfect amount of people to not become bothersome, but neither scarce. Not that I have trust issues—I do—but this is a complete stranger I just accepted to hang out with, and quite shockingly, I do not wish to become the next true crime topic of some youtuber.

“It’s a lovely spot, but…” Mingi suddenly looked slightly embarrassed as he ruffled his silver-blonde hair, rings glinting deliciously under the sunlight, “it’s a bit far from our university and…I don’t have a car.”

I quickly waved the ridiculous words away as I watched Mingi become more embarrassed, “Don’t worry about it, I have one. We can still go.”

“But…I don’t want you to use fuel just for us to—” I reached out as I grabbed his arm, the sudden physical contact stunning Mingi into silence. Oh, did he also feel the charged spark and instant butterflies taking off in my stomach? Or was I starting to like this guy without actually getting to know him first…

“While fuel is expensive, I love to drive.” I smiled sweetly at him as Mingi licked his tasty looking lips; I can’t seriously think they are tasty when it’s our first time talking, “So don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” His eyebrows furrowed just slightly as he nervously chewed on his lower lip. I nodded and grinned at him, probably doing something no sane person would’ve done. But I have stopped caring a long time ago about what others consider sane or not. Rising on my tiptoes, I slung an arm around Mingi’s shoulders and yanked his head down, just a little closer to my face as I nodded enthusiastically. The way his face became red shouldn’t have made me feel so giddy.

“Extra super-duper sure, Mingi.” He chuckled and poked my cheek, I guess it was my turn being taken by surprise. We stood like two idiots grinning at each other as I released him and he took a step back, running his fingers through his silver-blonde hair again, drawing my attention to it once again. Oh, how could I have forgotten? He was a Leo, was he waiting for my compliment? But before that, I was curious about one thing, “Hey, why do you always stare at me?”

Mingi’s face went blank for a second and it made me think that perhaps now is when his psychotic side comes to light, meaning I would dodge a bullet quite early on, but no, he rubbed his lips with two fingers nervously and averted his eyes, “Uh, well…obviously I’m into you. I mean, you know, why else would I stare at you so much?”

Oh, and he’s blunt. Don’t you just love a man who gets straight to the point?

“Because you’re a psycho who hates my guts and imagines how to kill me any time he sees me?” I offered another option, and watched as Mingi’s eyes widened to the point they would pop.

“No!” He exclaimed, almost looking scared himself, “God, no! You’re pretty, and attractive, and you caught my eye a long time ago, I was just too much of a chicken to approach you before.”

“Well, what changed?” I raised an eyebrow, and Mingi scratched his nape awkwardly.

“Uh, my friends threatened to tell you if I didn’t do it myself.” I chuckled and motioned for him to follow me as I started walking towards the parking lot of our university.

“Took them long enough,” I muttered under my breath, but Mingi’s eyes fixated on me as he heard me, “Well, Mingi, I also must admit you’ve caught my eye. Mainly because you staring so much made me feel uncomfortable until I got used to it, but…you’re quite handsome yourself upon a closer look, I must admit.”

Mingi chuckled, shooting me an amused lopsided smirk, “Means I’ve got a chance.”

“Means you’ve got a chance.” I looked at him with a grin, our gazes locking for a few seconds.

To date or not to date a Leo, is today’s question.

Masterlist

↳ Perm. taglist: @jjoongstar @tinyelfperson @thestarskiller

❀ complete the forms if you're interested! ^^

118 notes · View notes

ateriblewriter · 1 year

Text

Not Like This {2} (q.h)

a/n: im sorry. i dont feel like this is my greatest. prove me wrong. please let me know if y’all want another part. i have maybe 2 more parts.

warnings: sad. sickness. possible looming death.

Enjoy!

part1 part3

“There’s not much more we can do right now. It’s a waiting game. We always knew there was a possibility this day would come Quinn.” The doctor informed Quinn that the inevitable was coming sooner rather than later. Dr. Pete had been there with the couple through this whole ordeal that started just before baby Theo was born.

A month before baby Theo was born Y/N had a cold. Or what she had thought was the cold. After a week of coughing and fatigue, her heart would start rapiding racing with a constant pain in her chest. After all the tests and scans that had been ordered Y/N had been diagnosed with a heart condition that should have cleared up weeks after the baby had been born.

But of course nothing was ever that easy in life.

“What about that transplant you mentioned last time we were here? Is that still an option?” Quinn ran his fingers through his hair. This couldn’t be happening, not yet at least.

Looking through the window of your room, he watched Y/N holding a giggling Theo on your lap, the most beautiful smile dancing around her face. Quinn hated how fast everything was coming to an end. He needed his family, Theo was going to need his mother. He had to have more time with her.

“We talked about this at the last appointment. Y/N isn’t exactly at the top of the list. If we would be able to get our hands on a viable heart, with how weak her body is there is no telling if it would even actually take.” The doctor reminded him of the meeting they had a couple of months ago.

“My heart is getting worse isn't it?” Y/N asked her boyfriend when he entered the room. Quinn had just gotten done speaking with the doctor again, about their options to slow the damage to being done to it.

“The medication is working anymore, and they don't know if your body would withstand the open heart surgery that you would need for a transplant.” Quinn wanted to hit something. He had all this anger built up inside him and he needed a release. If he was anywhere but here he would hesitate to take something out.

Y/N tried not to get worked up in her current state. Y/N weakly raised her hand to cover her cough that sounded pretty bad, but that was normal for her condition. Once the small fit was over Y/N tried speaking again.

“I just want to go home, I don’t want to be here. Please Quinn. I. I.” Y/N wheezed, breathing heavily. Quinn grabbed the baby out of its mother’s arms. Y/N was struggling. He hated watching her like this. But how are you supposed to react when you’re dying?

Looking anywhere other than at his girlfriend in bed, Quinn noticed the time was getting closer to Theo’s naptime. He grabbed a bottle to feed to the child and sat on the opposite side of the bed. He knew what she was asking. He also knew it was going to spring her from this joint. “Maybe we could visit Michigan, get the gang together one last time.”

“Babe, you need to stay here. What if a heart becomes available. What if.” Quinn looked Y/N up and down in her sweaty state. He didn’t like this. They were supposed to have more time. She was supposed to be there for his hockey career, and when Theo took his first steps on the ice. They were supposed to get married one day, have more kids, and grow old together.

“Be realistic. Someone is going to be dying and giving me their heart anytime soon. Quinny I’m going to be the one dying” Y/N cut him off, her breathing even more ragged as she was still pretty worked up. Her chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace, trying to calm herself down.

“Hey, hey, hey. Breathe.” Quinn held Theo in one arm and ran his other hand up and down Y/N’s back trying to soothe her with another coughing fit over taking her. This time a pink colored flem made its way up.

“I don’t want to die here. Quinny please.” Her voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear her as the tears streamed down her face. He wasn’t the one with a heart disease, but watching the one he loved the most breakdown broke his heart.

Any treatment they tried now was most likely not going to work and maybe it was best if they just went home. With it being the middle of the hockey season, Quinn was positive that he couldn’t get all their friends to Vancouver much less Michigan. It would be an impossible feat. But for you he would do everything in his power to get you what you wanted.

“Alright, Babe. I’m going to go talk to someone about getting you released.” Quinn got off the bed and walked over you. He kissed the top of your sweaty forehead. “I don’t think it’s the best to travel right now but maybe they can come here. I’ll make some calls to my family and your brother. Maybe some of the guys can come out.”

please let me know what y’all think. i’d love to hear any thoughts, comments, or complaints.

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #quinn hughes fic

177 notes · View notes

carpetbug · 7 months

Note

what are ur fave songs for each character and WHY. ANALYSIS

omg thank u we’re in love now 😽

I have not updated these playlists in a while so a lot of them are songs i listened to in like 2020 lmao, heres a few from each :)

Marinette

Into the unknown (frozen 2) - original and cristina vees cover make me think so hard about marinette its crazy. her initially refusing to be ladybug, insistent that she couldnt do it but always coming back because she desperately wants to test those waters, see what shes meant to do and how it could change her.

Ladybug

Ribs (lorde) - how easily overwhelmed marinette gets and how her anxiety and stress almost force her to overthink every aspect of her life. I can see her getting this extreme tunnel vision where she cant see all the progress shes made, all the victories shes already had, and instead can only focus on how shes not doing enough, and its not fast enough, and its not good enough. it just really reminds me of how badly she wants to prove herself to be this strong and trustworthy hero, but she feels like shes losing herself as she grows and isolates herself more and more in the role of guardian and ladybug.

Adrien

Mamas boy (dominic fike) - he literally IS the mamas boy. what more can i say. also alludes to him being a sentimonster with the lines "when i was born, you were produced", "i wish i was a toy", "youre made from plastic im just blood".

Chat Noir

First love/late spring (mitski) - ok hear me out. how chat compensates for his family life with devoting himself to ladybug. "one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge im on" is exactly how he operates with her, being ready to throw himself in front of her, literally die for her if she ever said so. and she never does! she gets upset with him for doing it over and over! i just think this song depicts really well how chat noirs goal was always "do whatever I can to help ladybug, no matter what i may lose" while she had to watch him leave his life in her hands like it was nothing.

also including ships because obviously i have playlists for all lovesquare sides + other ships i’m silly about

Ladynoir

Show Yourself (frozen 2) - both the original and cristina vees cover (WHICH IS SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT RN) remind me so hardcore of ladynoir. the whole idea of ladybug finally coming to terms with showing chat who she truly is and being ready for the same from him, idk i can imagine an entire movie in my head of ladynoir reveal to this song. [fav lyrics: "I can sense you there, like a friend ive always known", "I have always been a fortress cold secrets deep inside. you have secrets too, but you dont have to hide", "you are the answer ive waited for all of my life"]

Blame (air traffic controller) - this is probably one of my all time favorite songs like fucking ever and tbh i can see it with all lovesquare sides but i feel like ladynoir is the best fit! Chat picking ladybug up when she falls down and constantly being there to remind her she was to get up and fight, theres no time to sit and pity and blame herself, and he wont let her. him being her voice of reason as she copes with losing almost everything to monarch, him grounding her and being one of her biggest motivations to go on! with how severely marinette overthinks and doubts herself, he just becomes a mantra of 'dont blame yourself' which she desperately needs [fav lyrics: "Dont blame yourself cause you tried as hard as hell with the hand that you were dealt", "get on your feet, enough 'poor me', if you got time to bitch and whine then theres still time to try again", "And the vultures they are circling overhead, theyre reminding me of choices from my past"]

Peach Scone (hobo johnson) - makes me think of early seasons ladynoir ;-; chat just being head over heels for ladybug, struggling with keeping his love platonic when he wants to be with her and know her. Also getting to kinda hear his side of ladybug saying shes already in love with someone, how he respects that but still is a bit of a flirt, and hides how much it hurts him. also i love hobo johnson. [fav lyrics: "She kinda loves him back, but not really, theyre just really good friends and thats fine, he understands, its rational", "Oh, you got a man? are you in love? so, what type?", "So i fall to the ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart or atleast your spare time"]

Talk to me (cavetown) - i am such a sucker for ladynoir comfort. the idea of them being there for each other at their lowest points, holding each other together. This whole song just makes me think so strongly of chat comforting ladybug when shes breaking down and needs someone. [fav lyric: "ill be here until youre okay, lets your words release your pain, you and i will share the weight"]

Could have been me (The struts) - GOD. THIS SONG. ITS SO LADYNOIR CODED TO ME. them hyping each other up!! keeping each other going!! being each others motivation to keep getting back up and fight!! i just love the idea of them constantly being there to pick each other up and remind them of what theyre fighting for. i could listen to this song forever i love it. I can also really hear "I cant hear you, I wont fear you" being a supportive call and response thing with them <3[fav lyrics: "I wanna taste love and pain, wanna feel pride and shame", "Don't wanna live as an unsung melody, i'd rather listen to the silence telling me i can't hear you, i won't fear you"]

Understood (leith ross) - i am a huuuuuge fan of leith ross so obv i love this song for ml. it just makes me think so much of a worn down, tired, sad chat just gushing and crying to ladybug about how he doesnt understand love, how his family dynamic impacts him, and just letting himself fall apart in her arms. and her relating! her feeling that same tiredness and guilt and ache about love and family and friends, how much invisible pressure is hanging over both their heads and only they understand it. [fav lyrics: "ill visit my family in living rooms that dont get cold cause blankets and body heat cant be compared when it only took you a week to grow old", "Im sick of attachments I recently learned I cant relax and im scared of myself, scared for my health, tell me youll take me back home", "im sick of the feeling that nothing will ever stand still"]

Struck by lightning (sara kays, cavetown) - this song just really makes me think about ladybugs devotion to chat. i just imagine chat being out in the middle of a storm at night and marinette seeing him from her window and joining him as lb to comfort him. her knowing hes not going to go inside, so she just sits and stays with him, insisting if hes going to get soaked and cold and possibly hit by lightning, shes going to do it with him. [fav lyrics: "If you don't respond, I'll put my shoes on and lay down on the pavement next to you if we get struck at least we'll make the news", "What a way to go out something this town will forever talk about the two kids who were laying down and struck by lightning in front of your house"]

She wants me (to be loved) (The happy fits) - literally early seasons ladynoir. she wants me! (to be loved). i think it just perfectly fits how in love with lb chat is and how its clear she cant give that to him. [fav lyrics: "so, you say you love me, but not the way I need, things are so close to what i want to be", "I cant stop feelin, i want her love but all my dreaming is not enough. so in the morning the sun will rise and ill wake up and she wont be mine", "why cant you love me here tonight?"]

Adrinette

I do adore (mindy gledhill) - marinette being head over heels for adrien and being her normal clumsy self. Falling over, rambling, making a huge fool of herself while adrien watches, completely oblivious to her crush. this song just really reminds me of how much marinette struggles with keeping herself calm around adrien, how shes always messing up words and doing the wrong thing, but he never freaks out at her and he never shames her for it. [fav lyrics: "when youre near i hide my blushing face and trip on my shoelaces", "Ive noticed youre remarkably relaxed and im overly uptight, we balance out each other nicely" "Tongue-tied, twisted, foot in mouth, i start to stutter ha-ha-heaven help me"]

Just a friend to you (meghan trainor) - early seasons adrinette <3 adrien being so painfully oblivious while marinette is struggling with balancing being his friend and her overwhelming feelings for him. [fav lyric: "so it breaks my heart when you say im just a friend to you cause friends dont do the things we do"]

Silly girl (chloe moriondo) - listen to this song rn! its so perfectly adrinette! its crazy! how marinette romanticizes adrien and kind of puts him on a pedestal at the beginning which leads to her ignoring how he doesnt fit into that idea shes molded of him. Her having to deal with the pain of being in silent love with him while he seems so far away, and turning that back around to use against herself. i just think it explain really well how marinette saw him in this perfect, unattainable bubble before they got closer and she realized he was nothing like his public image of perfection [fav lyrics: "im just a silly girl in a stupid dumb old world and he is perfect cause hes supposed to be", "he is perfect, unlike me, and how could i ever think that it was meant to be? and how could i ever think that anything was made for me?", "I made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be"]

Small (chloe moriondo) - this was originally intended to relate more towards marinette, but listening to it now with season 5 in my head it just screams adrien! how suddenly he falls for her and he cant get her out of his head! how in just a blink of an eye he is getting flushed when talking to her, hes wanting to be near her and talk to her, he wants to be with her! but shes pulling back from him and hes sort of unable to balance these new feelings AND respecting her boundaries because shes just the only thing he thinks about. i love simp boyfriend adrien. she fell first but he fell harder and no one can convince me otherwise [fav lyrics: "but im not used to dealing with feeling like im waisting your time", "ive never cared so much about avoiding overstepping, and when i think about you i forget about my hands" "endlessly try to make you smile cause whenever i see it my knees always get so weak"]

The one that got away (acoustic version - katy perry) - I am a mess over this song. i always imagine it as a post-reveal scenario in which something happened and ladybug lost chat in the fight against hawkmoth and found out he was adrien right as he died saving her. how badly she misses him and cant stop thinking about how he was the love of her life! having to go on living the rest of her life without him! shes unable to move past it and just spends her time thinking of all the things shed do if she still had him. in another life, they could still be happy together [fav lyrics: "we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world", "talk about our future like we had a clue, never planned that one day id be losing you"]

"Do you wanna be friends?" (leanna firestone) - Marinette breaking her own heart by having such a close friendship with adrien while being in love with him and knowing she cant do anything about it. Her desperately trying to convince herself she can be okay with a life with him as a friend and nothing more when obv she cant bc ouchie! her heart! [fav lyrics: "Do you wanna be friends? i mean, i wanna be more, but if friends is how i get to have you then sure", "The world wont end if you dont love me even if it feels that way"]

Marichat

If i could tell her (dear evan hansen) - i feel like this is a classic marichat song. like its been a marichat song for a hot minute but its still so them. chat comforting marinette about feeling like adrien doesnt notice her! and listing off things adrien 'told him about' and slowly realizing he does actually pay attention to all those small intimate things marinette does! he feels such a strong need to make sure marinette understands how important she is to adrien, and realizing how deep the disconnect between them two is [fav lyrics: "If i could tell her how shes everything to me but we're a million worlds apart and i dont know how i would even start", "And what do you do when the distance is too wide?"]

Drive (halsey) - i love this song for the idea of marinette and chat suppressing their feeling for each other because theyre 'supposed' to be in love with adrien and lb. for me it kind of paints a mental image of hangouts and games and memories between mari and chat that slowly become these intense, almost upsetting silences and tension. Just them desperately ignoring how deep their feelings for each other truly go and insisting everything remain surface level [ fav lyrics: "All we do is think about the feelings that we hide, all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign", "Your laugh echoes down the hallway, carves into my empty chest, spreads over the emptiness. its bliss", "Overanalyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed?",]

Comfort crowd (conan gray) - this song just really makes me think of chat being at a really low point and trying to hide it from marinette so he doesnt burden her with his emotions and baggage, and her just seeing right through it. Like hes smiling and trying to wave it off and she just knows hes not okay, and he just breaks. Ultimately it makes me think of chat turning to marinette for such deep and intimate comfort that purely comes from him being with her. just knowing hes safe to hold onto her and cry and shell be that company for him. [fav lyrics: "this hurt that im holding's getting heavy, but imma keep a smile on my shoulders til im sweaty", "my breaths getting short and im unsteady, welling up in tears as i lay upon your belly", "Telling you im fine I dont really need nobody, but you say through a sigh that i said that lie already", "and even if i cry all over your body, you dont really mind say you like your shirt soggy"]

Lost in you (khai dreams) - i love the mental image of just such relaxed, fluffy, soft, marichat dynamic in this! chat slowly realizing hes in love with marinette and getting lost in every aspect of her. maybe not being able to entirely admit its love, but still being able to admit he has such a deep and sincere admiration for marinette that he feels is returned in a way he doesnt feel from ladybug [fav lyrics: "Im just looking for some mutual love but all i get is unrequited", "Cause i dont even know I dont know why, all your love im trynna find im so lost in you, in all that you do"]

Something there (beauty and the beast) - i enjoy a good disney song every now and then! its just so marinette and chat slowly falling for each other and being like "nuh uh... wait.. wait a minute.." and then falling headfirst in love with each other, and unable to communicate it. But both of them feeling this sudden new and strange spark between them, things slowly changing, becoming more and more personal and slowly beginning to accept that things have changed [fav lyrics: "And now hes dear, and so unsure, I wonder why I didnt see it there before", "and when we touched she didnt studder at my paw, no it cant be, ill just ignore, but then shes never looked at me that way before", "True that hes no prince charming but theres something in him that i simply didnt see"]

I'd have to think about it (leith ross) - another leith song bc THEYRE SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO ALL THEIR MUSIC RN anyways some angst a lil :) a future where marinette/lb and adrien/chat somehow got torn apart after the reveal and lost contact for. a hot minute. and when they've found each other again its chat finally finding marinette, in a new home, with a new family, and a new life. but they both know who each other are and marinette having to cope with knowing she would drop everything to be with him again. anyways. brain food. [fav lyrics: "but if you come to me, in my home with my three kids, if you asked me to leave, to be with you and split, well id atleast have to think about it", "and if you come to me when ive promised to commit, if you told me that you loved me and asked me for a kiss, well id atleast have to think about it", "you are my achilles heel, the weakness only I can feel"]

Come around (peter mcpoland) - THIS SONG MAKES ME SO GIDDY FOR SOME REASON!! makes me think of like chat picking marinette up from her balcony and taking her on rides, showing her (what he thinks shes never seen) a brand new side of paris and getting to bask in the warmth and light she radiates with him. 'shes looking at the pretty lights, i cant stop looking at her eyes' type shit. just him being so so down bad for her. [fav lyrics: "Ive noticed you pull the blinds back when you hear that im driving round", "i dont mean to cause any trouble, well maybe a little if thats allowed"]

Animal (neon trees) - this song also makes me so !! the vibes are so playful and fun and flirty while the lyrics are more intense. just really reminds me of how surface level marinette and chat keep things, flirting and teasing and just enjoying each other, and then as soon as things get more serious it comes down to a life/death type feeling. but still longing for each other! they know it just hurts and they cant but they want to! they both love and hate the way their relationship feels suspended in the air, in that it gives it a rush of uncertainty and playfulness but it also brings serious fears and pain. i love this song a lot for them [fav lyrics: "I do it everytime, your killing me now and i wont be denied by you, the animal inside of you", "hush hush the world is quiet, hush hush we both cant fight it, its us that made this mess, why cant you understand?"

Ladrien

Dixie boy (april smith and the great picture show) - i have to admit i dont think a whole lot about ladrien but! i am a sucker for jealous/posessive ladybug like claiming adrien for herself and adrien jsut being like. yep. okay. i agree. cause her ass is petty enough to like makeout with him in front of chloe just to really rub it in and adrien is like yippe!! my super hero bug gf loves me! while ladybug is so >:) do not ever touch my man [fav lyrics: "Cause like a soldier defends his land well i stand up, i get up, i defend my man", "Well i know the way that you girls operate so keep your hands to yourself and your eyes on your own plate. Its not nice to stare, dont make me come over there", "Im a lover, not a fighter, and i dont want to have to get rough. just warning you ahead of time I can be a bitch when it comes to my stuff"]

Bad ideas (tessa violet) - both adrien and ladybug just being such lovesick nerds for each other <3 ladybug trying to fight the urge to kiss him when theyre together, and adrien doing anything he can to keep her near him. they both know its a bad idea, to just stop trying to keep it all contained, but its so tempting to just say fuck it and indulge the bad ideas. atleast for a little [fav lyrics: "But i just wanna see the grooves between your hands, your teeth, oh, tell me do you think about me?", "So why'd i wanna kiss you even though i miss you, guess i just wanted to know what it would feel like"]

Her (eery) - how much adrien thinks about ladybug. just all the different ways he dissects her personality, their memories, every little bit of information he knows about her. i just feel like this song, while simple, just really encapsulates how constantly ladybug is on his mind. i miss that dynamic damn

YOUTH (troye sivan) - ladybug and adrien running away together. fuck it. literally think about it. them just being in love and together and adrien finally getting out of that HOUSE and getting to be with his LADY and be happy. How deeply devoted to each other they would be, and although naive, they would be so sincere and literally ride or die for each other.

Roman holiday (halsey) - i love the idea of ladrien having those small, important firsts together. putting aside not being able to be completely honest with each other, adriens entire family dynamic, everything, and just saying screw it and dating and doing couple things! theyre both too scared of what might happen if they slow down and face reality, so they ignore everything outside of themselves. they both have that ache of knowing its not real, its not how they can actually live, but for now they get to be happy. and in love. and with each other. and theyll deal with all the heartbreak later [fav lyrics: "didnt know where we were running to but dont look back", "and we know that were headstrong, and our hearts gone, and the timings never right"]

and my other playlists

Chat Blanc

ANTI-HERO (SEKAI NO OWARI) - i will do my best to put my emotions towards chat blanc into comprehensible words but i make no promises. i love him so much. anti-hero gives like him turning his back on being a hero just for marinette, being okay with being viewed as evil hated because hes doing it for her! his distaste for the rest of the world in comparison to mari/lb ! how he lost his moral compass and doesnt understand the ways hes hurting her and himself by turning his back on being chat noir! god its so good [fav lyrics: "im gonna be the anti-hero, feared and hated by everybody, im gonna be the anti-hero so i can save you when the time comes", "cause there are people that ive got to protect and if you get in my way youre dead"]

I am damaged (heathers) - you caught me im a theater nerd but literally this song is so good for chat blanc! him coming to the realization the only way to save mari/lb is to destroy himself. him saying goodbye and making sure she understand that she was his everything! and he trusts her to fix the mistakes he made because shes his lady! and her not being able to talk him out of it and just having to say goodbye [fav lyric: "wish youd kiss me then youd know i worship you, ill trade my life for yours and once i disappear clean up the mess down here"]

Blah blah blah (the oozes) - reminds me of the trauma marinette gets from chat blanc, how she suffers nightmares and just cant stop being reminded of the horrible fate her partner suffered through. how marinette just cant go back to 'normal' after fighting him but also cant confide in anyone about it [fav lyrics: "you couldn't care less for the people youre hurting, there no excuse", "youve ruined the color blue for me, im surrounded by a deep dark sea"]

Anytime you smile (JT music, Andrea storm kaden) - kind of how i imagine chat blanc kept himself going while being isolated for all those months. coping by pretending ladybug was still with him and nothing was wrong, but slowly feeling uneasy and letting reality creep in. it shows how desperately he fights against his loneliness and pain with day dreaming, but still loses his mind. [fav lyrics: "anytime you smile baby you know you drive me wild, crazy! thats why you got me screamin, i think i might be dreamin", "believe me if im sleeping, i wanna keep on dreaming", "Someday soon this honey moon might be gone though, i hate goodbyes. I might not love you still, youll find no tougher pill to swallow (open your eyes)", "I stepped into a nightmare when i woke up from utopia starting to remember my depression and my phobias, why is everybody looking at me like i lost it?", "How can i be happy here? guess ill just pretend to be!" "no more sadness in this beautiful world, in love with happiness shes a beautiful girl!")

Mr bright side (the killers) - IM SORRY?? "it started out with a kiss how it did end up like this?" AND YOU DIDNT THINK THIS WOULD BE ON MY CHAT BLANC PLAYLIST?? thats really it for some reason this song is just so chat blanc to me. i love it.

Bad bad things (ajj) - im also a big fan of just bonkers insane scary chat blanc, him losing his humanity and only being able to see it reflected in mari/lb and not being able to stand it. him not being able to control his more violent ideas and losing himself in hurting others [fav lyrics: "So i looked into your eyes and i saw the reflection of a coward that you and i both hate very much", "If i dont go to hell when I die i might go to heaven but probably not"]

Akumanette

Dumb dumb (mazie) - i love the idea of an akumanette that just LOSES it on her friends after lila does some real stupid shit. none of her friends standing with her or supporting her and marinette getting so so upset and frustrated that they would be dumb enough to fall for it! which, being akumatized, of course wont come out the wrong way and is warped into this monstrous idea that marinette sees them as these morons who have disappointed her time and time again [fav lyric: "disappointment takes us by surprise even though by now i think we should have realized everyone is dumb"]

Class fight (melanie martinez) - god I LOVE AKUMANETTES THAT LOSE THEIR SHIT. lila putting distance and uncomfort between her and adrien (pre relationship) before marinette catches them kissing and get akumatized, and then marinette wrecks her shit :) her inner voice of reason feeling so horrified with the brutality and trying to get herself to realize but being able to deny monarchs voice encouraging her to act on her worst instincts [fav lyrics: "she had a boy wrapped around her finger tight, i fell in love with him but he wasnt in my life", "Her face was fucked up and my hands were bloody, we were in the playground things were getting muddy", "my one true love called me a monster"]

Bust your kneecaps - johnny dont leave me (pomplamoose) - i think this one really works well with an akumatized ladybug! her being so soft and scary to chat, chat blanc style, while promising to do horrible things to him. akumabug trying to convince him to 'just stop fighting' and 'hand over his miraculous' and then 'everything will be just the way it should be' and finally giving up and working instead to defeat chat rather than convince him

Therefore i am (billie eilish) - cold, angry akumanette FOR THE WIN OGH her just being such a silent but deadly akuma, her voice devoid of all the love and kindness it used to have when she was with adrien/chat, and him having to fight her while she shows no mercy. I just love the idea of chat doing anything he can, crying and begging marinette to fight it and come back to him and she has no pity for him [fav lyrics: "Get my pretty name out of your mouth, we are not the same with or without", "Did you have fun? i really couldnt care less and you can give them my best but just know im not your friend"]

Pretty privilege (blegh) - marinette being shown time and time again that the worst people will get away with horrible things, while she has to suffer beneath them and getting fed up. her letting all her feelings rise to the surface about how ugly she thinks people can truly be [fav lyrics: "Its crawling from underneath the surface nobodys first choice kind of ugly", "just because somethings pretty the laws dont apply to them have you noticed this shit its so ugly"]

Other friends (cristina vee cover) - i live for crazy akumanette losing her mind on everyone! what can i say! i love the idea of her confronting her friends and lilas lies in such a angry but playful way before losing her shit! and the added bonus of it being MARINETTES voice?? im screaming [fav lyrics: "What did she say about me, what did she say?", "Im the loser of the game you didnt know you were playing", "life on the line, winner takes all, ready or not lets begin!"]

Marigami/Kagaminette

She (dodie) - kagami fighting against her feelings for marinette because of their friendship, because of adrien, because of her mother, and because shes scared to admit she loves marinette far beyond how friends should. I love her just gently pushing that line, asking herself that question of "what is so wrong about it?" and working to accept that the pain and heartache are real because her feelings are [fav lyrics: "Could it be wrong when shes just so nice to look at ?", "id never tell, no id never say a word and oh it aches, but it feels ugly good to hurt"]

Sophie (black polish) - marinettes feelings for kagami! wanting to freeze her time with her, relive every moment they've been through and just experience the world by kagamis side. just how desperately they both need each others time and space, how comforting it is to just be with her. [fav lyrics: "youre impossible to read and thats fine, i dont even understand my own mind", "I just wanna escape the world sophie with you, with you, with you, with you"]

and an added bonus: i LOVE the song Bruno is Orange for kagami. reminds me of her so much.

36 notes · View notes

the-ayakashi-in-me · 6 months

Text

If Spring is here, can Winter be far behind?

Summary:

"I may not be chosen by God. But I have been chosen by fate."

The disappearance of Crown Prince Satoru Gojo, all but leaves the Empire in disarray. With no one else fit to inherit the throne, Princess Shiyori Gojo must now take on the challenge of finding her brother and being the Emperor chosen by fate.

Starring: SatoSugu, Nanami x OC, Naoya x OC and practically everyone from JJK.

Genre: ANGST, isekai au, drama, fluff (eventually), and whatever genre you use to feed your delusions.

Warnings: JJK is a warning on its own, toxic relationships, violence, a little gore, probable eventual smut, MANGA SPOILERS, established relationship, ANGST, mental illness, characters might be a little OOC. (Lemme know if I've missed anything)

A/N: Did I just re-emerge outta nowhere? Kinda. Did I finish my previous series? No. Will that stop me from starting a new one? Also no. Anyway, welcome to my new series, which is basically my delulu isekai version of JJK where everyone is happy and more importantly ALIVE. As always constructive criticism is always welcome. And reblogs are highly appreciated.

Series Masterlist:

Gloom

Yuta wondered if this was a funeral. Because it certainly didn’t feel like a coronation. What else could it be? In the empire’s defence, the citizens were all in mourning. The loss of their beloved Crown Prince had come as too much of a shock. No one could have ever foretold, that the preeminent Satoru Gojo would just altogether cease to exist one day.

After all, he was the child of prophecy, the child of magnitude; that sanctified the Akutami Empire by just being born. The one, Goddess Utahime herself had endowed with greatness—the one drowning in quintessence.

Naturally, next to him, Princess Shiyori paled in comparison without a doubt. She had no unique gifts, no particular talents, no extraordinarity. Worst of all, she was a woman. The only thing she had going on for her, was that she was born into royalty. However, that too, along with everything else was attributed to her impartial luck.

When someone like that, was suddenly proclaimed the next Emperor, anguish and opposition were all but expected. The whole kingdom was in protest. “She’s not strong enough. She’s not tall enough. She’s not man enough.”

Yuta gracefully rolled his princely eyes. Of course, she wasn’t man enough. She was a woman, after all. And she was the most resilient woman, he had ever known. It was stupid, selfish and rude to expect her to be a man. But, how and where do you even begin to explain these sentiments to this brainwashed crowd? You can’t, simply because they won’t listen.

But, Yuta wasn’t here for that today. He wasn’t here to sway the hearts of his people. He was here for his sister. This was her coronation now, her ascension. Yes, this coronation was meant for the Crown Prince, his questionably beloved teacher. But the Crown Prince was not around and someone must ascend the throne today.

Princess Shiyori, with tear-stained eyes, had pleaded with him to take on the role. “Even if you are an illegitimate child, our people will always have far more faith in you, than they will in me.”

Yuta didn’t remember much that had transpired that day, after all the whole kingdom was set a buzz with the disappearance of the Crown Prince. He too had been a part of the search party. The tremendous exhaustion and anguish of losing someone precious had him reeling on his own two feet.

However, even in that state, his conviction did not falter. “Yes. I know. But…I’m sorry Shiyori. I cannot bring myself to do it.”, and that tore down the walls he so carefully built while growing up in the palace. That day, he wept over the loss of a brother, a mentor and a friend. He wept over his incompetence, his disappointment, his selfishness, for it only burdened his venerated sister. That day he wept till he could weep no more, all the while, Princess Shiyori held him together in her gentle and warm embrace.

“I’m sorry I asked you to do something so arduous. I won’t ask again.”

“No…I’m sorry for putting you in a quandary.”

That day, Yuta mourned a lot of things. But not even for a moment did he grieve over the fate of the empire. After watching that kind smile spread over her face that day, he knew the empire was in good hands. For he knew, Shiyori Gojo was far more capable than he and him combined.

Fifty-seven years. That’s how long High Priest Gakuganji had been in service of the great Utahime. All this time, and yet he was farther than ever, in comprehending the divine. He had previously crowned two monarchs. Today he was supposed to crown the Crown Prince. But, “Utahime works in mysterious ways, your Majesty.” he attempted to console the previous Emperor.

However, there is little that can console a father mourning the loss of his oldest child. Not that he was the best father. No, he’d been too selfish for that. But he was always proud of his children.

He was proud of Satoru, he had every chance to become like his father, but he didn’t. Every day he lived up to all the lofty standards the prophecy had burdened him with. He reigned victorious in the War of A Hundred Demons. He even took his illegitimate brother under his wing. He was the empire’s hero, his ancestors’ pride.

He was also proud of Yuta. Yes, his mother came from a humble background. And yes, he suffered an unsurmountable amount of grief at a very young age. However, once he was able to overcome that, he fit right in the palace. Honestly, when it came to royal etiquette, he left Satoru far behind. Truth, be told, the empire would be far from distraught if he were to become the Emperor. But, Yuta never wanted the throne. He was happy being appointed as the Viscount of Okkotsu.

And Shiyori, he was proud of her too, wasn't he? Satoru was eight when Shiyori was born. She was frail since birth. Born under a Heavenly Pact, her cursed mana was insanely high, however, as is with most pacts, her weak body wasn’t built to handle the power. She nearly died when she was ten, the first and last time she used her power. After that incident, both he and Satoru forbade her from using cursed mana. So she didn’t, she was home-schooled. To top it all she suffered from chronic respiratory illness.

His majesty heaved a heavy sigh. No, he couldn’t remember a single instance where he was proud of his daughter. He was always worried, always apprehensive when it came to his middle child. Shiyori could topple over with a strong breeze, and yet (despite the two sturdy ones he had), Utahime deemed this child to be fit for the throne? Well, he could now empathize with his citizens.

22 notes · View notes

falsemortal · 11 months

Text

Grow 🌱

“You ready to get mama’s coffee?” Travis leaned over his young daughter in the backseat of his SUV, quickly unbuckling her and carefully hoisting her up to carry her against his chest. His heart was delightfully warm as her small hand poked at his cheek.

“Uh huh,” the almost five year old replied, her curly mane of blonde hair springing back and forth as she nods, their dark eyes mirror each other as she meets his, “Mama needs coffee.”

“She does,” he smiled softly, using his shoulder to close the car door before heading towards the cafe. He flips the hood of her brown bear onesie on top of her head so that her body heat gets trapped as they make the brisk walk inside.

Travis has been going to the same coffee shop for the last 10 years, it was out of North Kill by about thirty minutes, which made it feel somewhat special to him. He used to take his niece and nephew here, and he’s also taken Laura here on casual dates. He’s seen baristas come and go, same with the quality of coffee depending on who was in that day.

He mentally sighed when he saw the elderly woman behind the counter. Helena.

“Morning, sheriff,” The chipper voice only got brighter as she turned her attention to the toddler, “Hi there sweetie, how are you today?”

“Mornin,” He drawled, adjusting his hold on BB as the little girl wiggled and waved at the woman behind the counter, saying her own little “mornin” as she mimicked her father.

“The usual?” The woman already turned around, readying the three to-go cups.

“Yep, thank you,” Typically, Travis got a black coffee with a splash of whatever seasonal creamer they had for himself, BB got a steamed milk with rainbow sprinkles spattered on top, and Laura’s current order craving was the salted caramel frappé with extra whipped cream and syrup. His stomach flipped when he was reminded of Laura's pregnancy craving of those caramel apple lollipops, they'd been hard to find but he got them for her anyway.

His eyes wandered around the glass case of baked goods before gently setting the little girl down on the tile floor, “BB, do you want to pick out a treat for you and mama?”

The girl giggles as she approaches the case a little too quickly, her little fingers touching and smearing lines on the glass. Travis looked apologetically at the woman, knowing she must’ve just cleaned it.

“Daddy,” BB grabs Travis’ finger and pulls him along the case, “Daddy gets one, too.”

“Okay, okay,” he smiled, following her, “Daddy will get whatever you want, sweetheart.”

She giggles and stretches as she points up at a fresh stack of chocolate fudge with pearlescent sprinkles. “Mermaid chocolate.”

Travis snorts out a laugh, “Yes, ma’am. We can get mermaid chocolate.”

“Someone’s got you around their little finger,” Helena chuckles, watching the two. “I’ll wrap those up for you in a second.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he shakes his head with the hint of a smile on his lips as he lifts the girl back up, pressing an exaggerated raspberry of a kiss to her cheek to get her to squeal into a giggle fit, “Can’t say no to that little face.”

“How is Laura, by the way? I haven’t seen her since… just a little after BB was born.” The woman starts arranging everything in a doggy bag, grabbing the fudge and gently wrapping it up.

“Busy,” Travis hands over some cash, he hesitates as he continues, “Ever since she finally took over as the head vet at the NKCAH, she’s been working almost nonstop.. but she loves it.”

“Ah,” Helena nods, “And everything is good at home, I hope?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Travis runs a hand through his hair, “I’m proud of her for achieving what she’s always dreamed of, just wish.. we saw her more, y’know? I get it, after being sheriff for so many years, being constantly on-call. Guess it might be karma.”

It's not like they don’t see each other. Laura just seems exhausted all the time when she gets home from her rigorous shifts. Despite this, He still showers her in all the love he can muster, and they frequently reunite when they both know BB is sleeping soundly a few doors down and won’t interrupt them.. again. (They had to have a long talk about why mama had daddy tied up to the headboard of their bed.. and now have to lock the door.)

“Sorry,” He sighs, “Therapy’s been too good to me, got me babbling like a fool-“

“Why don’t you let Laura know how you feel?” The older woman smiles, nudging the bag towards him, “Women like to know these things about their partner’s.”

BB wiggles in his grasp, her hand fisting the front of his green flannel, mentioning Laura got her interested in the adult’s conversation. “Mama is a aminal doctor.”

Travis smiles, “That’s right, do you remember the big word for that, sweetheart?”

Helena glances encouragingly at the small girl as she attempts the word ‘veterinarian.’

“Ve..vuh…” she pouts, “Too big.”

“That’s okay,” he presses a soft kiss to her cheek, “Veterinarian is a big word. You can also just say ‘vet’ and most people will know what you mean.”

“Veh?” It almost sounds like a question, “Vehht?”

Helena covers her mouth with a hand, concealing her smile at the little interaction.

“Vet.”

“Good girl,” Travis squeezes her lightly, “You got it.”

Helena hands him the bag, smiling at the two of them. The chime above the door rings, signaling another customer.

“To continue our conversation, I don’t want to make her feel bad,” he bites the inside of his cheek, looking down at his daughter with the softest of gazes, “She’s already given me the most perfect being in the world.. but.. I’ll bring it up when I have the chance. Thank you, Helena. I’ll see you.. next week?”

“Possibly,” she laughs, “Summer’s here.”

He nods, and exits the coffeeshop.

---

As he’s setting BB in her car seat, she grabs his finger. “Are you sad, daddy?”

“Why d’ya say that, sweetheart?” He cocks his head to the side slightly, adjusting her seatbelt.

“You look sad,” she pulls his finger, “When I’m sad, you and mama hug me and give me kisses.”

“I’m okay,” he smiles, thumbing her chin. ”But… I wouldn’t mind a hug from my favorite girl.”

She opens her arms up wide and Travis just grins as he leans down. Her little arms wrap around his neck, she squeezes lightly. “Love you, daddy.”

“Love you too, sweetheart,” he kisses her cheek and back up, “Thanks for the hug.”

“No problem.” She grins, and Travis rolls his eyes, knowing she got her mouth from Laura. He definitely knows he’s in for it when she gets older. “Can we go see mama now?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he nods, “Just gotta stop for gas and we’ll go see mama.”

------

Laura exhaled loudly as she dropped into her desk chair, which squeaked underneath her. She had two back to back surgeries this morning and she hasn’t had the time to take a breather until now.

She clicks through her email, then switches over to her calendar to see what’s next on her schedule.

A passing headlight from outside gleams off of the picture frames on her desk.

She glances at a small picture of her and Travis, from their first actual date years ago. Then moves onto their wedding photo of them both absolutely glowing, then finally to the professionally taken photo of BB wrapped up jokingly in one of Travis’ flannels.

She sighs as she gently strokes the photo with her finger.

She knows she’s been a bit distant as of lately. She’s been trying to balance out her work and family life.. but it’s just left her feeling depleted by the time she hits the front doorway of their home.

Travis has been ever so devoted, making sure everything runs perfectly at home and hasn’t brought up the fact that she hadn’t been at her best these past few months.

She does see his worried glances every once in awhile, and she definitely feels it when it’s his turn in bed. The way he slowly, agonizingly slowly, makes love to her. The way he makes sure she knows she’s loved entirely, his sweet praises and comments… she feels awful that their lives have changed ever since she took this position.

She likes her job, it’s what she studied endlessly for. She likes the people here, too.. but.. it’s taking her away from her growing family.

She’s missed BB’s first big milestones.. her first steps, her first word.. gone… because she was called into work due to there not being enough staff on the clock. (Even though Travis recorded the moments and sent them instantly to her, it just.. wasn’t the same.)

Laura’s also felt off for the past week and she has a feeling of what it is… she just hasn’t.. checked.

She’s jolted out of her thoughts as her desk phone goes off. She answers dutifully, “North Kill County Animal Hospital, this is Dr. Hackett speaking. How can I help you?”

“Mr. Hackett and your daughter are here, doc.” The meek voice of her assistant, Margaret, replies. “Want me to send them in?”

“Please,” Laura’s heart flutters, she totally forgot. “Thank you, Mar.”

“Of course, doc,” the call ends and there’s a knock at her door.

Laura gets up quickly and opens the door, but is soon bombarded by a super excited preschooler jumping into her arms. “Mama!”

“BB! I missed you!” She squeezes and swings the girl in a tight hug, spinning in a circle, making her squeal and giggle. “How is my baby girl?”

“Me and daddy brought you coffee,” she chirped happily, “And mermaid chocolate!”

“Mermaid chocolate?” She laughs, making a soft noise when she feels Travis embrace her and press a kiss into her hair.

“Fudge,” he brings the bag up, making it crinkle. “It has those shiny sprinkles on it. The colors look like her mermaid doll’s tail.”

“Ah,” She smiles, leaning into Travis’ chest. “Good to see you too, Trav.”

He hums, leaning in to kiss her on the lips. She meets him gently. “You too, sweetheart.”

BB makes an impatient noise, making them both laugh as they look at their daughter who's trying to get her hands into the bag of fudge still in Travis’ grasp.

“Little lady, what do you think you’re doing?” Travis chuckles, taking the bag out of her reach.

“You’re taking too long, daddy!” She whines, making grabby hands at the bag. “You can kissy mama at home!”

“Briar..” Travis takes the bag even further away, setting it atop the filing cabinet that sat against the wall. “You’ll get your treat later. Right now we’re visiting mama, okay?”

“Yes, daddy..” She pouts, stiffening at the mention of her name. She changes her tune, however, making her dark brown eyes glisten, “Mama, I need to go to the potty.”

“Of course,” Laura nods and smiles, “Trav, you can sit at my desk if you want while we go to the bathroom.”

“Take your time, Laur,” he smiles, grunting as he sits in her chair, “I’ll be here.”

As they’re washing up, BB turns to look up at Laura. “Mama, did you know daddy is sad because you work so much?”

Like someone just grabbed her heart and squeezed, Laura’s eyes widened, “..did daddy tell you this?”

“He was talking to the lady at the coffee store earlier,” she dries her hands with a paper towel, “Daddy is very quiet at home when you’re not there.”

Her heart squeezes again, “Briar, you know I love you and your daddy very much, right?”

“Uh huh,” The girl nods, “I love you too, mama.”

Laura smiles softly, “…mama is also sad that she works so much,” she admits hugging the small girl closely, breathing in her hair as she presses kisses to her head, “I’m going to try and fix that, okay? I want to see you and daddy more.”

“I would like that,” she smiles bigger, “Daddy will too.”

Laura chokes back tears as she pulls away, and kneels down and takes her daughter’s hand. “I’m sorry for not being there for you all the time, but I’m going to be there for you no matter what after I figure this all out, okay?”

BB nods.

“And, hey, what do you think about being an older sister?” Laura smiles. “..if you had a baby brother or sister?”

The girl’s mouth opens and closes, looking at Laura with bewilderment as she brings up her index finger to her lips and shushing with a slight smile. “Don’t tell daddy, okay?”

She nods again, but more vigorously.

—

It’s late when Laura arrives home.

It’s well past sunset, the moon shining brightly on the driveway as she walks up to the door. She’s spooked slightly when arms wrap around her as soon as she steps on the porch, but then melts, “Hi sweetheart, BB is sleeping already. I kept your dinner warm for you.”

“Travis,” she sighs, dropping her bag and wrapping her arms around him. She breathes him in, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he kisses her temple, “How was the rest of your day?”

“Tiring,” she turned her head so her ear was over his heart, she listened to the steady thud, “How was your day?”

“Stressful,” Travis exhaled, “I.. did research on some preschools in the area.”

“Did you now?” She smiles, “Anything look promising?”

He shrugged as he joked, “You sure we can’t just keep her here forever?”

“Trav, she needs to go to school at some point,” she takes one of his hands, and can hear his heart go faster at what she says next, “..I do need to talk to you about something important.”

“Is something wrong, Laura?” He wet his lip, looking concerned.

“I.. I think I’m going to step down,” she bit her lip, “Or.. if I can, I want to cut my hours. I can’t keep doing this, I feel so guilty leaving you and BB alone all the time.”

Travis is silent, making her look up at him. She tries to read his expression, “I’ll do it if it’s okay with you. I don’t want to make this harder for our family.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t need my permission, if that's what you're seeking,” he thumbs her cheek, “I just want you happy and healthy.”

She closes her eyes and sighs as she leans her forehead into his chest, “Even.. when our family.. grows?”

He stills, his voice thick as he chokes out, “Laura, are.. are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I don’t know yet,” she speaks quietly, “I picked up some tests on my way home.”

Travis shudders, his hands smoothing up and down her back, “Yes. I’ll support you no matter what you choose, you’re the love of my life and I want nothing more than your happiness.”

“You’re too sweet, Trav,” she pulls away enough to look up at him again, “I love you.”

“Love you more,” He smiles softly before leaning in to kiss her, his hand gently squeezes her ass as he leans back. “I can’t wait to see what else our future holds, Laur.”

She takes his hand and brings it up to her lips, she kisses his knuckles, “I can’t either.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

This ficlet was inspired by @fortheloveofwii's art that can be seen here. Her art absolutely kills me each and every time!! Go send love!! 💕

(But not too much love, or I'll have to bat you away with a broom. 🌝)

Small edit: HAPPY FATHERS DAY, TRAVIS

#hackearney #travis x laura #travis hackett #laura kearney #the quarry #hackearney ficlets #i love them i love them i love them #travis hackett x laura kearney #cw pregnancy

42 notes · View notes

spinnysocks · 4 months

Text

young tlg crocodiles aus

i didn't realise i couldn't save ask answers as drafts! :( but anyway, @devilsrecreation asked: So what exactly are your ideas for the baby crocs in The Lion Guard I’m really curious 👀 so here's my response!!

as she already established in her hcs, pua is basically everyone's adoptive dad! in this context to makuu, kiburi, tamka, nduli and neema! he has different relationships with all of them but he's closest to makuu and kiburi for sure

i like to think that makuu is older than the other four; i was going to say don't question me on ages but i just found out it takes ~12-15 years for nile crocodiles to reach full adulthood! so it checks out that makuu could be a year older and still hang out with them. there's probably so many non-mature members of the float that they have younger groups within it

speaking of that, i actually think makuu didn't get along very well with the other crocodiles his age. but, one day, he briefly interacts with the younger kiburi's group and gets to know them really well. he kind of becomes their secondary charge behind pua. no danger was gonna get close to those four lmao

i think crocs are pretty wholesome & innocent when they're babies but get more into the crocodile way as they mature. it's just really cute to think of baby kiburi, tamka, nduli and neema innocently interacting

there's this song i fell in love with while coming up with the mjuzi nduli au called little fang by avey tare! for me personally it fits my ideas for that au, i think it's also sweet as a lullaby/poem that pua sings to the five kiddos. i really recommend it it's an adorable song

i'm a sucker for crack/uncommon ships, i saw pua x basi once and it kinda stuck with me. i'd just enjoy seeing their dynamic as two leaders who work together when it's the time of year for the crocs to share with the hippos. because of their bond (platonic or romantic idrk), i imagine one of the reasons beshte is so friendly is bc he grew up around and got to know the crocs when they'd share big springs with the hippos. he says "I know it's crowded, Kiburi. But it really is a good spot" because he remembers the crocs' younger years and knows they can be reasonable, but things changed that weren't under his control and he couldn't do anything about it.

he feels kinda dissapointed about how things changed, cuz to him the crocs were like the neighbour's family you get to know really well. to stir up some more sadness, it's almost always beshte who's kicking out kiburi's float. beshte sends them back to the outlands himself so they don't hurt his friends, even though he remembers when they were 'good' or more understanding/just before makuu and kiburi's rift in general

since it takes so many years for crocs to mature, i imagine the younguns would spend ALL THE TIME playing. pua has a soft spot for the five of them so their playtimes and adventures become kind of like a bluey episode where they learn something valuable. kiburi listens to him more than anyone, while makuu's a bit more like "Yeah, yeah" bc he thinks being older means he doesn't need to learn anything new

one of pua's lessons would be not to judge or underestimate someone for being different, such as neema for being mute or nduli for not being born in the float (my own hc is that he's from an outsider float that was really struggling which is why he's so small. he was found by pua really young and his parents agreed he'd have a better life in the pridelands)

pua taught the five a lot of good lessons but obviously not all of them stuck. i haven't come up with what caused the rift between makuu and kiburi exactly, but i think kiburi's float would still want to be friends with makuu, and even more so after he redeems himself. despite being fully grown now they still kinda see him as a cool older brother that they can learn from but they'll always stick with kiburi because, at the end of the day, it's them four against the world lol

whew. that's it for now! i could write for days about these guys. and i probably will make a follow-up post at some point

#the lion guard #tlg #tlg outlanders #tlg crocodiles #pua #makuu #kiburi

16 notes · View notes

chibishortdeath · 9 months

Text

So uh, first actual post I guess. This is all random dumps (taken from my instagram stories, so they’re formatted weird lol) of symbols and things associated with Simon. I’ve never seen anyone do this for him before so mwahaha I guess I’m the first >:3c. Sorry if this is kinda just a random stream of words, I’m just getting a bunch of thoughts down and anyone can use this information for theories, art, story analysis, and etc later d(^^ ).

The first one is a bunch of possibility important references, primarily things from HoD, but also a couple from OoE and the Hanged Man Skeletons, which are explained a bit more in the second and third image. There’s a couple details I didn’t have the space for oof (T_T ). If I remember correctly, the Smiling Statue is found in the area where the Hellmont enemies are. I’m not exactly sure if there’s any significance to any of the statue placements, but they’re definitely supposed to be a Carmilla and Simon reference, not sure on who the Sage statue is supposed to be tho. My best guess is maybe Death since he’s the other Simon’s Quest boss lol, but the statue really doesn’t look like him. It’s interesting. The Hero statue is very obvious, Juste gets the little flavor text that “that’ll be me someday” kinda referencing how Simon looked up to Christoper in a similar way (yes, Christopher, he is mentioned in the first manual in Japan I believe, I should talk about him eventually). The whole Hellmont/Shimon thing is nuts and idk why it’s just never mentioned again. Like the name Simon has the ability to be a pun in Japanese on “Death Gate/Gates of Death” which is 1. Badass and 2. Ominous as heck! I also didn’t get to fit in the random family heirloom clock that’s in ghost Dracula’s castle for some reason in HoD, the one that has the nice description of having been “bought on the day your grandfather was born” (not an exact quote word for word but yeah). It feels significant to me idk, why would family heirlooms end up in there? Also didn’t mention the Bullet Tip (called “Christopher’s Soul” in Japan), but that one’s interesting too.

Also I wasn’t able to fit the OoE and Simon’s Quest maps on there so I might make a post about comparing them later :3. That Anna girl could be talking about someone else, but considering the similarities and references to Simon and his games in the rest of OoE (which I also should explain if I can manage to get it all together) it’s safe to assume she’s having nightmares of one of Simon’s fights against Dracula. Which is also interesting in the context that her whole side quests revolve around helping her cat protect her from dark spirits.

I know this wiki isn’t the most reliable source, but I’ve seen other sources that claim the skeletons on the outer wall of SotN and DoS (I believe) are supposed to be a reference to the whip swinging in CV4. It’s really interesting that they’d make a reference to Simon by having the skeletons be hung by one foot like the hanged man is commonly depicted considering the meanings behind that card, but since the position of the skeleton is pretty much the same in both, it’s probably intentional.

The last Chronicles one is kinda based on the assumption that these are rose thorns, but when looking up thorn symbolism a looooot of the specific red rose symbolism kinda started to line up really well. Roses also have a lot of religious significance too so I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a stretch to say they were rose thorns. Chronicles is not the first time flowers have been mentioned with Simon in mind however, I couldn’t fit it anywhere, but the Japanese text for the fastest Simon’s Quest ending mentions he “brought full blown flowers in next spring”, just a fun fact tho, idk how to add it into anything here tbh (-w-; ).

What was the most interesting about this dive into random symbols and other details was how often things ended up symbolizing “self sacrifice” and/or “martyrdom”! Usually twice or thrice wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but considering the vague nature of all the Simon’s Quest endings in all versions of the game and the general lack of focus on Simon’s story aspect, it’s pretty cool to see some things that line up like that :O! Also I am thoroughly aware that I might just be looking to deep into things and connecting things and aren’t there, but I don’t really care cause I had fun!!! :3 Anyway, do with this knowledge what you will, hope you guys like it.

#simon belmont #castlevania #castlevania games #not art post #harmony of dissonance #castlevania sotn #dawn of sorrow #order of ecclesia #Simon’s Quest #castlevania chronicles #theory posting #dump #I’m such a sucker for random symbolism #Simon is so so so fun to speculate about #please imagine a massive cork board with a ton of strings pinned to pictures of Simon on it #incoherent rambling #so uh yeah

18 notes · View notes

nmzuka · 10 months

Note

So like, what is Arms about anyway?

I know it's a game, and I think I always assumed it was like Smash Bros or something, but it sounds like there's a storyline? Lore? Plot??

Also please talk about the two characters you always draw. I wanna know about them individually+as a couple (even if it's not a canon thing, I still wanna hear about why you ship em, what their dynamics are, what makes the relationship interesting etc)

Oh boy this is gonna be a long reply lol but appreciate the ask! Im gonna put this under a read more cause it got really long even tho I feel like there is a lot more I could say ^^;;

So yeah ARMS is a fighting game but I would kinda compare it more to Punch Out! then Smash? your pov is behind the character and you’re more or less boxing but the gimmick is that the characters have extendable arms so it’s not like as close quarters as boxing haha You’d think with how invested I seem to be in it that there would be some deep and engaging plot but there isn’t really? There is a “story mode” where you just play thru the Grand Prix to win the ARMS League Championship You do get snippets of character lore from this in the form of dialogue from the announcer Biff (who like… might be a god or something from one of the Fighters cultures??) but it’s all just kinda random fun facts As for like game universe lore it’s all very vague The ARMS gene has been around for a looong time (where it came from we don’t know) but it causes people’s arms to become spring like This usually manifests in teen years (tho it can happen at any time), usually the person wakes up with their arms changed, and it’s typically something the person was around a lot that their ARMS takes on the material of (sometimes it affects people’s hair as well) ARMS can be hard to control and will randomly uncoil at times and that’s why people wear the masks as control of the ARMS are connected to the eyes (people with ARMS also have spiral irises) There’s very few like concrete things… there was suppose to be a comic that would expand on the lore and explain things (like the fact that Spring Man is technically the 3rd “Spring Man” as its a title passed on) but sadly they quietly canceled the comic after making us wait like for years with no update about it :////

I could go into more details about things but that’s like the broad strokes of the world at least

I do think the vagueness of it and the bare bones of the Fighters tho is kinda why it still has some very dedicated fans? Everyone is more or less able to take it and make it their own by filling in the blanks of the characters and the lore so we’ve all just kind of made it our own (why I’ve thought many times to just take the characters and make them ocs because at this point they really feel like it haha)

As for the two I’m always drawings…Ribbon Girl is a famous pop idol singer and Kid Cobra is a streamer/video maker and snakeboarder (an in universe sport like skateboarding) he’s also one of the rare people born with ARMS and he keeps his identity secret They are only canon in my heart as I just think they are perfect together haha they fill my love of the “bad boy/good girl” troupe (shipping them at all started out as a joke but damn if it didn’t progress quickly) This will start going more into my own hcs for the characters but I think how well they fit together. They’re very opposite but also similar and bring out better parts of each other Ribbon is very much a people pleaser and has been fairly sheltered, unable to do much of her own things because of breaking into the idol role at a young age (and also a bit because of her mother directly…) KC is very much the opposite haha he does what he wants But they’re both living under a public persona and part of the dynamic I enjoy is them breaking thru each other’s persona in a way I don’t see them able to with anyone else KC helping Ribbon learn to do things for herself, that she doesn’t need to be what others want her to be and should be living her life how she wants Ribbon helping KC open up, to know he doesn’t have to hide who he is from others They’d help each other become better versions of themselves and I just love that for them hhhh Their relationship would be a tender and hesitant one (their personas again get in the way) Ribbon as an idol isn’t supposed to date and KC worries his reputation (as a streetsmart skater punk) will be bad for her reputation. Ribbon worries about the attention she’ll bring to KC (he obviously wants a certain amount of attention but also tries to be very secret) Just a lot of uncertainty from both of them about trying to date but damn the feelings are there and can’t be ignored! They’ll figure that shit out as they go and if it all falls apart in the end well at least the highs were good while it lasted (not that it does they’re gonna be together forever!)

I also enjoy thinking of the dynamic of them being playful and silly together hhgghg KC loves to joke around and shit which does make Ribbon laugh a lot but also makes her be like “omg why are you like this??” Aaaa this reply is truly a ramble and so long even tho I feel like I’ve hardly gotten into any details. I’m not great at explaining things with words that’s why I try to draw Ribbon and KC as much as possible to show people what I see in their relationship I think they are perfect and really just can’t picture them with anyone else hhhh

#zuka replies #nintendo arms #ribboncobra #I wish I was better with words hhhhh #to be better able to articulate what I see in Ribbon and KC #but i cant... so I must draw them instead!!

14 notes · View notes

salmonseagull · 7 months

Text

This is what I think the Wilderlore character’s birthdays and zodiac signs are!

Disclaimer: I am not an expert about zodiac signs at all so a lot of this is purely just vibes.

Barclay:

Birthday: June 9th

Sign: Gemini

His birthday was kinda confirmed in the books, so this was easy. Also I’m a Gemini, so when I realized he would probably be one, I was overjoyed lol

Viola:

Birthday: September 4th

Sign: Virgo

She just really seems like a Virgo to me.

Tadg:

Birthday: March 27th

Sign: Aries

This one just makes sense, he is such a spring baby.

Shazi:

Birthday: April 30th

Sign: Taurus

This one took me a second to figure out. I knew I wanted her to be born in April and Taurus sounded like her kinda so that’s why I picked this.

Hasu:

Birthday: July 13th

Sign: Cancer

I almost picked May but this works well too (since she didn’t seem like a Taurus or a Gemini)

Cecily:

Birthday: February 5th

Sign: Aquarius

Again, this just feels right.

Runa:

Birthday: November 23rd

Sign: Sagittarius

Omg this was so hard to figure out! I could not for the life of me pin point what her personality was like for any of the zodiac signs. I read the Sagittarius personality and it worked the best I think? Please tell me if there is one that fits her better, but this is pretty spot on I think.

Cyril:

Birthday: August 23rd (I swear I didn’t mean to put his and Runa’s birthdays on the same day lol but it’s funny so I’ll keep it)

Sign: Virgo

I didn’t have much input on this one. Uda, the number one Cyril fan, told me this had to be his birthday so here you go lol (I agree with her) also he’s on the cusp because he definitely has Leo tendencies.

Yasha:

Birthday: December 24th (Christmas eve baby!)

Sign: Capricorn

He is such a winter baby it’s insane.

Audrian:

Birthday: October 18

Sign: Libra

I don’t have much to say about this one, Libra just fits him well.

#wilderlore

7 notes · View notes

ghostwise · 10 months

Text

Self-Rec Tag Game 🌹

Rules: share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.) Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made.

Tagged by @palipunk and @isayashai thank you sm ;v; 💞 I will tag @s1ithers @coldshrugs @arcann @vlwv @ruushes if you like!

Something you absolutely adore:

Four Little Crows off to Meet the Maker :: This is chapter 1 of my Antivan long-fic, Quinta de Talpa, and it sets up Zevran and Hamal's quest to oppose the Crows while also serving as a 'marriage proposal' fic. I think it's a punchy start to a really long project, and I adore it! It motivates me to continue. :)

The door to their room opened before he could knock, and Hamal looked at him, brow furrowed, eyes heavy with lack of sleep. In one quick sweep, he took in the blood-stained clothes. Zevran shook his head. He pushed his way in.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I may have… underestimated things.”

2. Something that was challenging to create:

For Suffering is Such a Part :: AO3 :: This is the first long-fic I finished, and it took me years to complete. I found it incredibly daunting to work on anything longer than 1k, but I was deeply attached to the story and couldn't get it out of my head; I dedicated myself to completing it for several months after picking up an old draft. It's set during the Nature of the Beast quest in Origins. I uh still think about it a lot o_ o;

“My! Aren’t you a poet!” Zevran exclaimed, laughing into his wrist. “Am I just a hunk of meat to you?” Grinning broadly at him now, Hamal settled down on one knee, amid beams of sunlight. “Vhenan, to me you are the spring thaw, and all that comes with it.” Zevran looked at him. He blushed to the tips of his ears. He would definitely have to think of sweet things to tell Hamal in revenge—but he was far more poetic in Antivan, and had been caught off guard, so for now he acquiesced. “The things you say,” he told him softly. “Fine, you win. I’m a spring thaw.”

3. Something that makes you laugh (or smile, if that fits more comfortably):

The Reading Stone :: AO3 :: I love writing silly banter, but I often worry it goes too corny. I fear making anything too tonally dissonant. With this one I just had fun with it, and wrote some ensemble goofiness in Orzammar. :)

“And as I said, there is no need,” Hamal retorts. “You all sound like Ashalle. I can get by just fine without glasses.”

“Not if we go by all those bruises you’ve collected, walking into corners,” Alistair tuts. “How do you manage in a fight?”

“An enemy is just a big shape. I simply hit it until it stops moving!”

“Maker…”

4. Something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.):

All That Matters is That You've Kept on Living :: AO3 :: This was a sweet short piece between Zevran and Isabela. But it felt unpolished and I almost didn't post it! The response was very positive, I was happily surprised. I still feel I can expand on it. Maybe one day. :)They deserve so much love, two of my favorite characters.

Yanking her legs back she tucks them beneath herself and tackles him with a hug, affectionate but very much exasperated.

“You talk about your husband too much, Zevran! No one will ever want to sleep with you!”

Zevran draws in a sharp breath, then he collapses into laughter.

5. Something you want other people to see:

Not a Homecoming, But Something Like It :: AO3 :: Another fic set in Antiva. This one comes very close to being part of QDT, but ultimately it is able to stand alone. Adelmar is mentioned in FSISAP, too, but only through flashbacks. She's an important part of my extended worldstate, as she helps Zevran heal past traumas, and vice versa (she was a prostitute at the brothel he was born in).

“I’m so glad you’re doing well. So tell me,” she scoots closer and looks at him eagerly, “What sort of life did you have, after you were adopted?”

“Adopted?”

By the kitchen counter, Hamal catches the subtle edge in Zevran’s tone. He pauses, holding the knife in his hand as a lull falls over the kitchen table, but he doesn’t know enough Antivan to guess what’s happened.

What’s happened is this: Zevran and Adelmar came from the same place, and know enough about that life to instantly understand that a lie has been told.

“Oh,” Adelmar breathes after a moment. “You… you weren’t adopted.”

Zevran lets out a laugh. It’s his ‘stalling’ laugh, and now Hamal is looking over, arms crossed, searching his face for clues.

“I was not adopted,” he says.

#this is a fun tag game bc it encourages artists to hype up their work AND gives us a personal look at what creators love to make #giving you all flowers rn 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹#edit: just noticed the buggy text editor cut off the last section ough. fixed.

14 notes · View notes

saintsenara · 1 month

Note

Hi! First of all, Happy Saint Patrick’s day! Second of all, I have been binge reading ‘One Year in Every Ten’ this past week and I have been absolutely captivated by it. In particular, I’m interested in your characterisation of Delphini, I liked the parallels between the portrait of Bellatrix as a young girl and the photo of Delphini on her birthday. I’m curious as to what your characterisation of Delphini would be if she was to appear as a more prominent character in a work of yours, things like her temperament, feelings towards her parents (particularly in One Year on Every Ten with a dead-but-not-actually Tom), interests etc. She’s a character I typically don’t have great interest in, since I’ve never been particularly interested in The Cursed Child, but you’ve piqued my interest!

I’d also be curious as to how you think interactions between Tom and Delphini would go down, and what you feel Tom’s feelings would be towards her? I think you’ve mentioned before that he wouldn’t be a particularly hands on father, but his behaviour at the end of Chapter 28 makes me wonder about that apparent lack of paternal nature.

anon, thank you so much! i am absolutely delighted that you’ve enjoyed one year in every ten, and i’m particularly thrilled that you’ve managed to do so while being a member of delphini nation. it will come as a shock to nobody that there are plenty of readers who are having to grit their teeth and suffer through the concept of a bellamort baby - and even more, i’m sure, who have dipped altogether at the first mention - and so it’s very refreshing to meet someone with taste…

the hill i will die on is that delphini’s existence makes sense not only in contexts such as this - which you will never find me claiming feature one-hundred-percent-canon-accurate representations of its stars - but within the canonical voldemort and bellatrix’s character arcs. the big theme of the series for voldemort is that his attempt to outrun his humanity is ultimately futile, and so him fucking around [literally] and finding out that even his body - cobbled together from snake blood and dark magic - is capable of getting his mistress pregnant fits that in a really interesting way. the canonical voldemort also has a really quite profound sense of honour - the most striking example of which is that he detests wormtail for having betrayed james and lily, even though that betrayal was literally what he wanted to happen - and i think this provides an explanation for why he wouldn’t just kill bellatrix [or give her an abortifacient against her will] when she refused to end the pregnancy.

[and i do think he’d be under no illusion that delphini was his - not least because the most canon-plausible time for her to be born is at some point in spring 1997. bellatrix appears in half-blood prince once, in a scene set in early july 1996, and then doesn’t turn up in the text again until the opening scene of deathly hallows, which takes place in early july 1997. if we say she’s born in march or april, this would have her conceived in summer 1996 after all the evidence of canon suggests that rodolphus is back in azkaban. voldemort’s not wheedling his way out of that one!]

this does not - obviously - mean that i think he’d give a solitary fuck about the progression of bellatrix’s pregnancy or his daughter’s early life. as he tells us in one year in every ten, he has never actually seen delphini in person - rodolphus forcing that photograph on him in c.21 is the first time he’s ever laid eyes on her, and i think he was genuinely quite surprised to discover that she had turned into something he could think of as recognisably human rather than just a potato that screamed.

because i don’t think he’ll ever stop hating babies - the trauma of his childhood runs too deep, and a spoiler i’ll give away for free is that there’s no way on god’s green earth that harry is getting a riddle child of his own - but i think he won’t find it particularly difficult or traumatic to interact with a delphini who’s eleven and can, therefore, speak at a reasonable volume and sit still when required. i’ve written in a meta about the canon voldemort’s capacity for fatherhood that i think his relationship with delphini is best thought of as akin to the relationship a child might have with their parents’ family friend, and i think that applies to the tom of one year in every ten too.

[not least because this is exactly how i imagine his relationship with rodolphus and rabastan…]

which is to say that i think they will absolutely get along - i am committed to the idea that they are very similar personality wise, that delphini shares lots of his little quirks [marzipan and crosswords coming in clutch], and that the parts of her which remind him of bellatrix are something he refuses to let bother him because he’s never going to be able to properly acknowledge that he misses her - but that their relationship will always be cordial and superficial rather than resembling anything actually familial.

and i think that’s fine! it’s obviously a damning indictment of tom that he’s been beaten to a pulp in the paternal role-model stakes by… rodolphus lestrange, but it’s also better for everyone if he isn’t expected to assume sole responsibility for delphini’s welfare and if she isn’t expected to have to rely on him for any sort of emotional guidance. she can accept that he’s not dead any more [which i think she probably won’t find too hard - she’s inherited her father’s canonical predisposition towards mysticism], he can have his fortnightly trips to see her - not not something he’s keen on because he can lie on the terrace of roddy’s safehouse like a snake on a big, flat rock - and they can make fun of harry in parseltongue and that can be that.

and yet…

tom is of the opinion that he is very much lacking in paternal instinct and that he and delphini will never have a normal father-daughter relationship. he is also a hypocrite, a pathological liar, and a human being incapable - no matter how much he hates that he can’t - of going through the world as an automaton. the tom of one year in every ten has also obviously had some… experiences which have given him a slightly more stable sense of self than he had when harry blasted him in the head with his own killing curse [which means, i think, that he is able to not resent the fact that delphini wasn’t dragged up in an orphanage, as well as to find it faintly amusing, rather than rage-inducing, that she looks exactly like him]. and so he has found himself - while, of course, he would say that this doesn’t indicate anything at all - invested in the idea that his daughter is safe and happy, and vaguely aware that this is something it’s his responsibility to contribute to.

and maybe - although i think it might take quite a while - he might one day actually be able to interrogate that feeling…

stranger things have happened.

when it comes to delphini herself, something i really like that you can do with her as a character is show how both bellatrix and voldemort’s traits can be read much less negatively than they are in canon in someone who doesn’t doom herself in the narrative’s eyes by continually trying to murder its hero. i like her being just as single-minded and sly and brittle and prone to monologuing as her father and as haughty and loyal and hot-tempered as her mother - and i also like her being as clever and [and this is something i feel gets left out of a lot of fanon versions of bellamort] funny as both of her parents - and this being something which just makes her a fully-rounded and interesting character rather than an irredeemable villain.

but something i’m really wedded to in her characterisation is the idea that the person she’d remind harry of… is tonks.

it seems to be really common for andromeda to be written in fanfic as quite cold - and, sure, the only time we see her in canon she’s not exactly rolling out the red carpet for harry and hagrid - and for all of tonks’ personality to come via ted. i’ve never really vibed with that - and so i’ve always preferred to imagine andromeda [and bellatrix] as being, in their youths, very much like the tonks we see in canon: bolshy and rebellious and messy and cheeky and possessed of a very eclectic fashion sense. i think it’s a really important counter to the black-and-white divide between good people, who are nice, and bad people, who are horrible, in the series for harry [and ron and hermione and ginny etc.] to have to realise that someone who unleashed as much destruction on the world as bellatrix could have been so similar to a woman they all adored; and for tom to have to confront the fact that delphini’s only living cousin is draco - who we know he takes quite a dim view of - and it’s entirely his and bella’s own fault.

[and - some shameless self-promo - i’ve actually written a fic on this topic - everlasting ink.]

of course, the other interesting one year in every ten question is what's going to happen when tom meets harry's children. and the answer... is coming sooner than you think...

#asks answered #delphini riddle #i am a delphini stan account #so love that for me #oyiet answers

4 notes · View notes

sardinesandhumbugs · 2 years

Text

A Weasel’s Will: How I Became the Chief of the Weasels

By Crispin Weasel

[Hello! As I promised ages ago here is the transcribed version of the Chief’s letter from the West End programme! This was something written by the Chief’s actor, Neil McDermott, as a bit of character flavouring, and it is. a bit of a wild ride from start to finish. Let me know what you think of it!]

Greetings, friends! It is I, Crispin Weasel, Chief of the Weasels. And yes, Crispin is my real name. Apparently, when I was born a packet of Chicken flavoured ‘crisps’ was dropped ‘in’ our home. My (if I’m honest) slightly simple parents saw the crisps as a sign that I would bring them a change in fortune. You see, we didn’t have much. We were poor, hungry, dirty, and scared. So, needless to say, they scoffed the crisps and my father, often the bad joker, thought it would be funny to name me Crispin. After the crisps that had just dropped in. Could have been worse I suppose. They could have called me Chicken.

As you can imagine, my rather unusual name caused many problems in the schoolyard. At the time, the Weasel Chiefs encouraged the youngsters to all be the same. They believe this was the best way for us to be strong. The pack would all look the same, and HUNT the same. Which was a pity for me, as I just wasn’t the same. Not only did I have an odd name, I also had an odd voice. It was higher pitched than all the other Weasels. Squeakier. Still is. Not only that but I looked different too. I was skinnier than the rest, as my family could never feed me. And I also had, what was considered, an unfortunate taste in fashion. It seemed whatever I wore, however I styled my hair, whichever music I listened to was wrong. And thus, I was constantly bullied. Every day of my childhood. I had no friends. I was an outcast. And I was angry. Not angry as in shouting and screaming, thumping and scratching. But hidden, deep inside. For now.

Now, like many creatures that are forced to live a lonely existence, I had to provide my own entertainment. This I did by focusing on my one joy in life. Dancing. Unlike the other Weasels I had an appetite for shaking my booty. I would spend all my spare time finding a quiet part of the Wild Woods perfecting my art of dance. My own individual style that came from all that anger I was holding inside, bursting out in a surge of energy. It was the one thing that not only made me smile, but made me feel powerful. It may sound like a useless hobby, but it became my greatest friend and deadliest weapon…

So yes, my childhood was all rather wretched. But the most devastating tragedy was yet to occur. One Spring afternoon, the Weasel Chiefs came home with their biggest ever prize. They had managed to capture a Mrs Badger. It was unheard of for a pack of Weasels to bring home an animal as large and dangerous as a Badger. The party that ensued as we feasted on the badger was like nothing I had witnessed before. The screeches of delight could be heard all through the Wild Wood. In hindsight, it may have been wiser to have held the party in silence. A Mr Badger heard all the squealing and shrieking and charged into the soiree, avenging his mate, massacring any Weasel that stood in his way. The Weasels all scattered like wildfire, myself included. I wasn’t the fastest but I did know lots of hiding places in the Wild Wood. I was spared. But many weren’t. My own parents included. Now as much as my parents were simple, often selfish, unbelievable foolish and terrible hunters, they did love me very much. They always encouraged me to express myself as I saw fit. They were the things my parents loved most about me and I loved them back because of that. If I thought I was angry before it was nothing to the overwhelming feeling I now had of despair and fury. The carelessness of The Pack had caused the death of the only family I had in the world. I ran away. As fast as I could. The pack had no longer any leaders and we would all have to fend for ourselves.

They say, it is often in our lowest moments that you find out the most about yourself. Never was this more apparent than after my escape. I sat in woods, sobbing in anguish, when I looked up to see a hare staring at me. I couldn’t be sure if the animal was feeling sorry for me or about to consume me. But I had been taught to always expect the worst. To attack before being attacked. The problem was I didn’t know how to. I was the weak, spineless Weasel I had always been told I was. I would run before I fought. I was my father’s son. And I was petrified. So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I danced. Like I’d never danced before. Like it was the last time I would, which it most likely would be. Eventually I paused. And the hare… was frozen. In a trance. Unable to move. I slowly moved towards the animal. It seemed, somehow, my dancing had debilitated it. It couldn’t move a muscle. It was mine. My prey. My food. I would survive.

I lived alone for some time as I perfected my skill on different prey. Don’t think badly of me. It is the circle of life. An animal has to eat and a Weasel cannot survive on shrubs and berries alone. After a period of time I returned to The Pack. What I saw disgusted me. My kind was near extinction, living in squalor. I released I had a greater duty. And so I brought them food. Brought them hope. The Weasel that was once thought of as being the lowest of the low, the feeblest of the feeble, was now treated as a hero. It wasn’t long before I took my rightful place as the sole Chief of the Weasels. And it felt good. Those differences of mine that once made my life hell were now the very reasons that I was looked up to. I shared my new found hunting style, saving a few of my most fearsome moves so as not to be overthrown, and it became known as The Weasel War Dance. The deadliest weapon a weasel would possess for generations to come.

So, life was complete. I was happy, for the first time in my life. But with power comes pressure. And so I started to formulate my plan. As usual I thought outside of the box as to what would make us even stronger. And here it is.

In the future I plan to join forces with the other smaller predators, the stoats, the foxes, whoever wants to join our crusade. Together, in larger numbers, we can become the most feared of all the Wild Wooders. One day, perhaps, I can create a super predator. Half Weasel. Half Stoat. An all-powerful crossbreed. We have always been considered a weak breed, but in time The Weasel will rule not only The Wild Wood, but The Riverbank and The Wide World too. And as for the Badger. He will eventually feel my revenge!

(Just don’t tell him that, just yet… I’m not quite ready… he is quite the force of nature… I’d certainly need an army… please. This is just between us, friends.)

Yours Weasely,

Chief Crispin Weasel

By Neil McDermott

#the wind in the willows #wind in the willows musical #chief weasel #cast and crew #witw programme #am I impressed that neil wrote all of this for his character? sure #am I going to USE any of this for headcanons? ehhhhhhhh #it starts with the crispin thing #goes quite normally for a bit #abruptly makes a right turn with the badger thing #detours with the dancing bit #and then. and then just as you're thinking it's nearly done #throws in the weasel stoat hybrid thing #I just #this is so much and I love it but kinda in the same way I love the broadway witw

19 notes · View notes

sailforvalinor · 9 months

Note

9 and 25 for ALL OF YOUR OCS!!!! >:D

EEEEEEP

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with an OC?

DO I EVER

Gerda:

From “Barefoot Kid” by The Arcadian Wild:

“She came from a distant land where/

Spring rose, summer never fell/

And that barefoot kid’s been calling you/

She ran into the woods and saved him too”

Alternately, just the entirety of “All I Wanted” by Paramore.

Kay:

I honestly have so much I associate with him, but from “Second Child, Restless Child” by the Oh Hellos:

“See, I was born a restless child

And I could hear the world outside calling me

And heaven knows how hard I tried

But that devil whispered lies I believed”

Just that whole song, honestly

Estella:

“I just want such a humble, murderously simple thing: that a person be glad when I walk into a room.” —Marina Tsveraeva

Gael:

Agape by Bear’s Den:

“I’m so scared of losing you/

and I don’t know what I can do about it, about it/

So how long, love, before you go/

And leave me here on my own, I know it/

I don’t wanna know who I am without you”

Or, though I don’t know where this quote comes from:

“Here you come with a shield for a heart and a sword for a tongue.”

Kyelle:

Warriors by Imagine Dragons:

“As a child you would wait/

And watch from far away/

Cause you always knew you’d be the one/

To work while they all play”

Sage:

Miles (whoops, forgot him on the last one):

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

Oooooooh this is a fun question…

Gerda: Gerda is a character I’m still kind of trying to get a feel for, but with her I’m loving learning how to write an extrovert who isn’t necessarily loud. She wasn’t even meant to be an extrovert—she just ended up that way!

Kay: As a character he is a DELIGHT to write—his dialogue can be so unhinged yet earnest, which simultaneously make it a bit of a challenge to nail down that balance.

Estella: She! Is! So! Kind! And! I! Love! Writing! Kind! Characters!

Gael: I don’t know what it is but overprotective characters are like crack to me, and Gael fits that description to a T (though not in an annoying clingy way). He is also generally just one of my favorites, other than Estella he’s the character who’s been with me the longest and possibly one of the most complex characters I’ve ever written.

Kyelle: She fits the tough-girl archetype in some ways but also doesn’t reject her femininity at all.

Sage: He is so much like me, and I didn’t even do that intentionally—I just love him very much.

Miles: He has the ability to help people lighten up in tough times, and while he gives the impression he can’t be serious about anything, this is very much not the case.

Thanks for the ask!!

#this one was difficult!! but very fun #how to spell eternity #Val’s ocs

3 notes · View notes

acdsbff · 2 years

Text

title: hoodie strings (1/4)

pairing: Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring

summary: Charlie relapses after a stupid and insignificant argument with Nick. Nick puts him back together.

Hi! This may be a fairly heavy read so please take care of yourself and read through the trigger warnings.

This piece is close to my heart as I’ve recently celebrated my third year self harm free and am only too aware of how relapses feel. I hope I’ve done this some justice as most of it is really borne from my experience.

This is a story about Charlie’s relapse after his hospital discharge in chapter 6 and how everyone in his life helps to glue him back together.

hoodie strings (on ao3)

They say that recovery isn’t linear.

They say that recovery takes on different meanings for different people and that it couldn’t possibly be a one size fits all process. There’s no how-to guide. It’s tricky and slippery, unforgiving most of the time, and so painful.

At least, that’s what Geoff, my therapist, tells me.

I think I’m supposed to find some comfort in this, knowing that my journey (the word he uses, by the way, not me) isn’t set in stone and can go one way or another. It all depends on me, how I choose to heal, who I choose to surround myself with, and how I deal with my brain when it goes on a mad one.

It’s all very easy on paper. I spent much of my time away forcing any harmful thoughts to the back of my mind and trying to pretend everything was fine despite not being able to look at a plate of beans on toast without wanting to cry. I knew this wasn’t helping - after all, I’d said yes to the admission because the look of fear (and sound of fear in Nick’s voice when I called him) on everyone’s face was too much to bear on that October night in A&E - but taking over the reins on an otherwise uncontrollable brain was easier said than done.

After two weeks of telling my inpatient therapist ‘I’m fine, it's all a big misunderstanding!’, I broke down.

All was not fine and there was no misunderstanding. I was simply unwell and trying to be unwell on my own without being a burden on anyone else, something I learnt in group work was more damaging to me and the people around me.

From then on, I tried to engage myself. I had to get better so I could go to school and watch films with Tao and listen to music with Elle. I had to get better for my mum and dad, for Tori and Oliver. God, most importantly of all, I had to get better for Nick and me.

Nick visited a few times a week alongside my mum, dad, Tori, and Oliver, always holding Olly’s hand as they walked into the common area. I fell more in love with him each time he came, to be honest. Each time our eyes met across the room, there was a reassurance that warmed me deep to my bones, knowing that this boy (who somehow loved me too) was prepared to stick this out alongside me.

Every week Nick brought a gift - the first one was from my friends and included movies and photos and everything that reminded me of home.

The gifts then turned more personal and more us, like a little jar of pebbles from our beach, pictures of Nellie wearing a pair of my socks, and CDs of playlists he had curated because I couldn't use my phone.

Nick also made sure he left me with a fresh (well, not fresh, it was always always worn) jumper of his, his smell weaved into in the fabric, and took an old one away to wash and re-wear, ready for the cycle to begin again.

The first time he had left a hoodie with me, the residency coordinator, who had such a kind and apologetic face, had taken the string from the hood. That was the part that smelt the most like Nick, where his notes of soap, cologne, and the faint smell of his sweat hid. I suppose it was a harsh reminder of where I was. I cried for hours after he left until my face was puffy and sore. Full-body sobs racked through me. Catharsis. He rang, like he always did, once they were home and I used my entire phone allowance just listening to him breathe at the other end, a soft reassurance that life went on. He is just so good at that.

It was a balmy day towards the end of May, the first time I ever cut myself. I had stayed at school for an hour after the final bell to make sure the coast was clear, hiding out in the art room, opening and closing my lunchbox but never quite willing myself to take a bite of my sandwich. I dumped the contents of the box in a bin on the way home though I’m not sure Mum would ever have noticed. Some Year 10s were loitering around after their rugby practice and left just as I did typically.

They never hurt me enough to leave bruises. It started with spiteful words about how I’d probably eye them up during training and that I should be banned from the changing rooms. They punctuated each point with a swift dig to the ribs or a rag of my hair. “Why are you even here?” they would ask and although I’m sure they meant here at school at this time I began to ask myself the same question in a much broader sense. Bloody hell, that sounds dramatic, doesn’t it?

I got home from school and my ears rang with their words. Looking back, they were pathetic and weightless jibes that Oliver could have come up with but at that point in time, it felt like their words wriggled under my skin. It’s like I could see them darting around just below surface level. I sat in our bathroom for ages with my back against the bath and knees brought up to my chest. Dad kept spare blades for his razor in the cupboard and I’d only try it once, just to see if there was any release of pressure or to see whether those words, spat at me so fucking horribly, would just leave. I used my thighs - easier to hide - and that was that.

Geoff tells me that self-harm is a control thing too, just another facet of the OCD. I could control when it happened, on what day and with what instrument, where on my body, and exactly how deep I could go. It was my little secret and even when thin angry wounds moulded into flat red scars it still felt like a release. In that moment where blood followed blade, I was the one who could control what pain I felt.

I hated it. I still do hate it. My body is littered with hundreds of little scars now & Nick tells me they’re beautiful. It’s hard to believe him sometimes but becomes easier when he presses his kisses against them. There is a small one on my forearm, milky white now and slightly raised compared to the rest of the skin there, and Nick especially takes care of that one. It’s like our touch base - he presses his nose there as if to say “alright?” and I nod yes or curl my fingers around his to say no. Our own language that I wish we didn’t have. God, I don’t half love him.

Group sessions at the hospital often dealt with things like self-harm and I was asked to share my story with everyone else in my group. I’d told them there wasn’t much to say as if I was a fraud to even be sharing anything considering what some of the other residents had been through, but the lovely staff member there gently ushered me along. It was reaffirming to hear that I wasn’t on my own, I suppose. I had felt so on my own before going there.

I also had one on one sessions with the eating disorder team whilst I was there and I think I will be forever grateful I was given that chance. They were patient when I wept at the sight of a jacket potato at lunchtime and consoled me when I couldn’t finish my bowl of cereal at breakfast. They told me that, although my brain might think it, the world would not end if I ate. It would take some time to reprogram how my brain works, they said, but eventually, they thought I was capable of overcoming that panic that turned my mouth to cotton wool.

It took a few weeks but I was eventually able to sit at the communal dinner table with everyone else and slowly but surely finish two slices of pizza. I was so proud of myself that I promptly burst into tears, and the other residents all congratulated me with pats on the back and high fives. I’ll never forget that pizza (Emma, the super sweet residency coordinator, later told me they were from the pizza counter at ASDA and I made it my mission after discharge to get my hands on more).

On the day I was discharged from the hospital after a long seven weeks away from home, Nick was waiting on my front doorstep with Tori and Oliver. It was just like coming home when I saw his big hand clasping Olly’s tiny one.

He picked me up and swung me around like we were in one of Tao’s old black and white movies, and my body ached with how much I loved him. This boy, only months after going through his own little crisis, was so willing to stand alongside me, always holding tightly onto my hand. How lucky I was. We unpacked my bags together and I told him about the ASDA pizzas which he obviously brought to the front door the next day, the romantic fool. Was that romantic? I think so.

Being back home for Christmas was very good and very hard in equal measure. My mum and I argued, can’t remember what it was about (though I suspect it had something to do with not eating the sprouts she’d put on my plate and I had screamed at her that even without an eating disorder I wouldn’t bloody eat them) but it was bad.

I’ve tried explaining to my mum and dad that being out of hospital doesn’t automatically mean I’m cured. In fact, as Geoff says, this is only the beginning. I go to bed each night not knowing how tomorrow will be and whether I’ll smile all day or whether a bowl of Cornflakes will knock me off-kilter. I’ve learnt that mental illness is unpredictable and therefore I’m unpredictable. I don’t think my mum can get her head around that.

I’d been back home for a few weeks before I relapsed. All the residents told me it was inevitable, that everyone slipped up at some point when they were discharged, and when I brought that up to Geoff he didn’t know how to react. I took that to mean that my friends in the hospital were telling the truth and I waited for it. I did all of my exercises (writing in my journal, grounding techniques, cooking from my meal plans) but still knew it could (would) happen at any point.

I didn’t expect it would be after an argument with Nick.

Tuesday nights were ‘date’ nights for Nick and I. We’d go to each other’s house, we’d watch movies or watch trash reality TV programmes Netflix had dreamed up and we’d cook. The nutritionists at the hospital were a dream and sent me home with a binder full of meal plans and recipes we’d discussed in a session that I’d be comfortable eating. So Nick and I would walk to Tesco after school every Tuesday, buy our ingredients and cook. It was a precious routine for me and I was so grateful Nick took the time to make sure I was comfortable, but then again I always knew he would. He’s so good like that.

We had made something simple, a spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread on the side. Nick had learned somewhere that nutmeg added ‘dimension to the dish’ (his words, not mine) and it smelt delicious so maybe he was right after all. Nothing felt right though. My t-shirt felt strange against my skin, the noise of my fork on the plate went through me, it was too warm in the kitchen. I’d felt particularly shit all day - it was taking me a while to adjust back to sleeping in my own bedroom with my own stuff around me rather than the rooms with no curtain rails and soft-close doors in the name of safety.

Geoff had said that lack of sleep could likely lead to spiralling and I’d nodded, biting my lip and keeping it to myself that I was struggling. I was tired and on edge and the thought of eating weighed heavily on my mind. I would do it because I knew that was what I needed to do, but I didn’t want to and I told Nick that.

He had bitten his lip and creased his eyebrow in worry. I hated being the cause of that look on his face. “Alright,” he murmured with a stroke of my cheek in that tone of voice that gave me goosebumps. “We’ll just do what we can manage then.”

He always said ‘we’ when he met ‘you’. It made my heart hurt.

We started to eat, in silence bar the radio in the background, and even that kept fading in and out of service. It was fuzzy and loud and it felt like too much. I chewed because I had to and swallowed because I needed to and that was it. I broke the silence and asked Nick how his day had been as we’d barely seen each other at school.

He had smiled, a genuinely lovely smile that I could never tire of, and told me about a girl in Year 12 who kept asking him out. “I’ve told her loads of times I’m taken but she keeps asking, I wonder why she’s not taking the hint!” he had laughed but I couldn’t laugh.

There was a pause, too long to be comfortable.

“Maybe you should just go out with her then,” I said coldly, not recognising my own voice, and stabbing at my garlic bread left on my plate. “Might be easier for you, rather than this,” and I gestured between us, at our plates, at the folder on the table full of techniques to get me to eat.

Nick’s face fell and he seemed to be frozen in place. “Don’t talk stupid, Charlie. I’ve just said I’ve told her loads of times I’m taken,” he said calmly.

I scoffed. I didn’t mean to, it was just an impulse reaction to a totally bizarre situation that I’d managed to fabricate.

“What is that meant to mean, Charlie?” Nick leaned forward and asked, a little more forceful this time. The crease was back in his brow. I hated that.

Nothing. It’s not meant to mean anything, but I’m tired and stressed and I feel like my brain is going haywire. “I don’t know, Nick. You can admit your life would be easier with someone else.”

Nick pushed himself away from the table and threw his napkin on the plate. “No, Charlie. You don’t get to do this because you’ve had a bad day.” He got down on his knees next to me, his face so beautiful and sad and I couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Maybe you should go, Nick,” I said and the words felt sticky and poisonous in my mouth. They burnt my tongue as I said them. I’d never said anything like that to him. I always wanted him around, no matter what, and the thought of him leaving even at that moment made me nauseous.

I couldn’t even look at him. I stared at my plate and tried to count the number of spaghetti strands I had left, giving up when they became entangled together, cold and rubbery and unappetising. I felt him get up from his knees and the space next to me was so cold and empty. Well done Charlie, I thought. Fucking well done.

Nick did leave. He left, his brow furrowed, and no kiss on my cheek.

He had never left me before.

I sat at the table, frozen in one spot until Tori found me with my knife and fork still in my hands. He had never left me before and it was my fault for telling him to go.

The night was a blur of stainless steel and spilt blood from then on. I locked myself in my room, sitting with my back against the door for extra security, watching the blood on my thighs collect and turn maroon as it dried. I hated it. Hated that I still had an urge to do it, to make sure I remained in control of whatever pain blossomed in my chest. I hated it.

Tori knocked on my door over and over, a consistent rat-a-tat that felt like it was against my skull. She knew exactly what was going on and before I even had time to get up from the floor, she had called Nick back ‘round. I could hear his voice under my door, so quiet yet so frantic talking to Tori, and I felt sick again. I got up from my knees, slowly as not to disturb any scabbing wounds, and unlocked the door. I wasn’t sure what I would face on the other side. Would this finally be the tipping point for Nick? I really fucking hoped not.

There he was, looking just as gorgeous as he ever did. He looked at me with a blistering intensity and I felt myself blush under his stare.

When he finally spoke, it was calm and soft and it sounded like he might cry. “Let’s get you to the bathroom, Char.” He took me by the hand and sat me on the side of the bath, my joggers pulled around my knees, and for once I couldn’t feel self-conscious despite the fact I was sitting in my boxers in front of Nick. Wonderful, sweet Nick.

Nick seemed to know what to do and I hated thinking about how he knew. Knowing Nick, he had researched how to support someone through a relapse and kept the information locked away in his head desperately hoping he’d never have to use it. He filled the sink with warm water and sank to his knees in front of me, gently swiping a soaked flannel over the cuts. I winced slightly - you never get used to that sting - and he withdrew his hand, his face so soft. It wasn’t pity on his features and I was glad of that.

I had been crying without realising it. I think he had been too, judging by the red rims of his eyes. Nick reached forward and used his thumb to wipe my tears away, cupping his hand around my face. I nuzzled his palm and my eyes fluttered shut. How exhausting. Nick continued to work one-handed to clean my thighs, the other hand still clutching my face so tenderly. So tender and mine.

“Put some pressure on this one please, babe. I don’t want to hurt you,” Nick said in a quiet voice as he wrung out the flannel in the sink and pressed it against the worst of the damage. He lay a hand flat against my other thigh and stroked the downy hairs there with his thumb, a moment of intimacy in what must have been a nightmare for him.

When he led me back to my bedroom, legs clean of crimson and bandaged, we fell into another silence but it felt entirely different from the one at dinner. It was comfortable, there was no tension. It felt like us. We sat next to each other on the edge of my bed, close together like we always should be, and I had a million words on the tip of my tongue for him. I leaned against him, grateful for the warmth his bare arms radiated against my own.

“Nick-“ I started with a raspy voice that betrayed me.

He shushed me gently and traced his finger along the ski slope of my nose, the rim of my jaw, the folds of my eyes. It was like he was trying to memorise every inch of my face as if I would disappear if I wasn’t embedded in his brain. Maybe he thought one day I would disappear.

There were a few seconds where it felt like we had stopped breathing, looking at each other so intimately and closely that it felt like there was no one else in the world. Just us, Nick and Charlie, starting their night again. Nick moved suddenly and I was being held tightly, so tightly against his chest that I couldn’t breathe. He repeatedly told me how much he loved me, over and over again like a mantra against my scalp, and I knew he did. I only had to see the way he looked at me. I stole glances of his brown eyes softening at the sight of me sometimes and wondered how I managed to bag the softest rugby lad alive.

I tried to speak again. “I’m sorry,” I cried, a sob bubbling in my throat. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, it’s okay, I’m so sorry about earlier.”

“No, I’m sorry…”

“No, Char, I’m sorr-“

You can imagine how long this went on. Nick was so gentle with me and the poisonous little voice in my brain told me I didn’t deserve it though I knew I did. Emma, the residency coordinator, had told me I deserve anything that made me happy and Nick, tall floppy-haired gentle Nick, made me happy.

Nick fervently whispered his apologies for what felt like hours, little promises against my hairline to protect me and wrap me in cotton wool. My head swam with the heaviness of the evening and I suddenly felt exhausted, Nick’s heartbeat under my ear counting me into sleep like a metronome.

“You’d better go,” I whispered with heavy eyes and I hated saying it again. This time was different. “Your mum will be worried sick and my mum still thinks sleepovers are illegal.”

Nick snorted softly through his nose and squeezed his grip around me. “Your mum and dad said I could stay tonight, my mum already knows. She sends you her love. There’s not a chance I’m leaving you on your own, Char.” His lashes clung together, dark and wet with tears. My sweet Nick, crying tears for me.

He said that my mum wanted him to sleep on the floor but I couldn’t bear the space between us. So, instead, Nick slept underneath me in my tiny bed and the pulse in his neck steadily dragged me to sleep, all warmth and light.

Some of the books I was told to read in therapy tell me that I’ll never be Charlie pre-breakdown and I think that’s probably true. In our weekly sessions, Geoff makes sure to reiterate that I’ve suffered trauma and pain and that my illness is a response to that. I couldn’t bear to agree with him at first as if nodding along would make me another victim, but the more I hear it, the more sense it makes. Being forced out of the closet, being bullied, having Ben Hope push against me after I’d said no - they were all valid reasons for my brain to respond as it has, and it’s taken me some time to believe that.

I tell Nick this, that I might never be ‘old Charlie’ again. He smiles, the kind of smile I dream about when I think of him, and his eyes crinkle. I run my fingers over those wrinkles and tell him how gorgeous he is to me. “You’re New Charlie. You’re my Charlie,” he says finally and my breath gets stuck in my throat when he rubs his thumb across the healing cut on my thigh. “As long as you’re happy and at peace, I don’t care what version of Charlie you are.”

I love Nick so much. We know it’s probably weird considering how young we are, but I just…love him and I’m so comfortable with that.

Every relationship in my life feels stronger since coming home. I love Nick and he loves me, but I also love my brother and sister, my mum and dad, and my friends who have all been there to pick up the pieces of my tattered brain. I’m so lucky to be so loved.

I’m lying on the couch with Nick, my head in his lap and his fingers dragging over my scalp. I’m wearing one of his jumpers and it has the string still in the hood, and I bring the string to my nose and take a big deep sniff. Smells exactly like him.

He turns my head and holds my face, a little smile on his lips, and asks if everything is alright seeing as I’m sniffing hoodie strings. I laugh and it bubbles in my chest. Feels odd, like my body isn’t used to it anymore.

“Yes,” I reply. “They’re just the parts that smell most like you.”

Maybe the books are right and I won’t be the same again. Maybe Geoff is right and relapse is inevitable. Nick shifts underneath me and threads his fingers through my hair once more as he takes a drink from his mug of tea (his cup says C for Charlie). We’re the image of domesticity, all soft fabric, and tongues that taste of sugar and milk, arguing about what episode of Real Housewives we’re up to. I turn my head to kiss his bare thigh, the skin so perfectly freckled. I count the freckles sometimes to ground myself and the number is never the same. A new one must appear every day.

I think I can do this with him by my side.

I love Nick so much and he loves me too. Everything else feels like it will slot into place now that I know that.

I think I’m going to be just fine.

#heartstopper comic #heartstopper tv show #charlie spring #heartstopper #nick and charlie #heartstopper tv #heartstopper fanfic #fanfic

30 notes · View notes