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oliverreedmasterass · 11 months

Text

Words: 7.6k

Warnings: smoking, sexual innuendos, some head trauma, cops, brief mention of v*mit, Led Zeppelin comparisons, Sam’s bare feet

Synopsis: Because I’m trying to not get my hopes up that we’ll get a second part to arguably the best video on the internet, this is how I’d imagine it would play out

Notes: An EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE thank you to @starcatcherkiszka, @jmkho, @writingcold, @collecting-moons-downstairs, and the anons for the submissions! Hopefully you (kinda) got your questions answered...

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The scene opens in an interrogation room that is empty, with the exception of a hooded figure in the corner. Chatter can just barely be heard beyond the large, metal door. The camera is steady. After a few beats, SAM enters the room, his head hung low and his arms in shackles. He shuffles over to the interrogation table and plops into the uncomfortable chair with a sigh, carefully removing his oversized sunglasses and tossing them to the side. He kicks his bare feet up onto the table, revealing a glimpse at his short shorts and dress shirt. He doesn’t seem to notice the hooded figure. Sam is wearing a fake mustache over his real facial hair.

SAM: Whoo boy, whatta day.

The door opens once more and DANNY enters, his hands also cuffed. He looks like he just came off the stage from one of their shows, wearing one of his sparkly tops, black pants, white sneakers, and stage makeup.

DANNY: Hey, Sam.

SAM: They got you too?

DANNY: We were brought here together.

SAM: Come here, old pal, let me hug you.

Danny scrunches his nose like that’s the last thing he wants Sam to do, but he cautiously approaches Sam’s side and lets Sam awkwardly lift his handcuffed hands over Danny’s head and past his shoulders to engulf him in a tight embrace. While this is happening, JOSH kicks the door back open with a loud shout and thunders into the room. Sam and Danny turn back and watch Josh step up to the interrogation table, putting his hands on his hips. Josh is wearing a spacesuit that was very obviously purchased from Party City. He removes his space helmet and poofs back up his curls.

JOSH: Sorry folks, I was caught in the holding cell because my suit latched onto the prison bed. I got into a really invigorating conversation with a self-proclaimed pyromaniac about the burning of Notre Dame and managed to sneak a swig or two of gin from the police chief when he wasn’t looking. My head is spinning a little because I think the ABV was above 80% but that just means I can’t tell left from right, which is no matter since I normally can’t tell the difference anyways.

SAM: Where are your handcuffs?

Josh looks down at his hands, which are entirely freed.

JOSH: I Houdini’d my way out of them.

Josh scans around the room.

JOSH: Is Jake here yet?

SAM: Nope.

DANNY: I haven’t seen him.

JOSH: Huh.

Josh turns in a circle looking for his twin, to no avail. The door opens again and the three men turn to see a detective enter the room. DETECTIVE ACE is a hard looking man who has obviously seen some shit over the years. He’s carrying a steaming cup of coffee and an especially delectable donut that Josh can’t help but lick his lips at. Detective Ace motions for them all to sit back at the table. Sam and Danny struggle to untangle themselves from their complicated hug.

DETECTIVE ACE: Morning, gentlemen. Let me lay down some ground rules here: I’ve got a lot of questions that I’m gonna need you to answer. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, which I’m sure you understand, but I want you to know that we’ll all be better off if you answer openly and honestly so we can crack down on this. Capiche?

Josh, Sam, and Danny all silently shrug. That seems to be enough for Detective Ace. He looks across the table at the three and then squints.

DETECTIVE ACE: Isn’t there supposed to be another one of you?

JOSH: He’ll be here, he’s usually late.

DETECTIVE ACE: Where could he possibly be? We’ve been keeping you all in a holding cell for the past twelve hours.

SAM: Jake’s never been on time in his life. We should get started. He’ll come when he comes.

DETECTIVE ACE: I feel like I should be more concerned about that, but okay. Let’s get this thing going.

JOSH: Yes, why don’t we have a ball, huh? Let’s have a ball.

Sam reaches up and strokes his fake mustache, which Danny notices for the first time. Danny lets out a short choke and quickly holds his hands up to his mouth to suppress his laugh. Sam beams at Danny’s reaction.

DETECTIVE ACE: First things first, do you prefer tea or coffee?

DANNY: How kind of you to offer.

DETECTIVE ACE: Just answer the question, son.

DANNY: Coffee.

SAM: (leaning to whisper to Danny) Less talkie, more coffee.

DANNY: (under breath) Don’t remind me.

JOSH: I actually prefer to mix the two together to see how much caffeine I can fill into my fleshly form in one go.

SAM: Caffeine gives me the shits. I prefer kombucha.

JOSH: Dude, kombucha is tea.

SAM: No way.

DANNY: What did you think you were drinking?

SAM: (whispering) Spicy water?

Danny holds his head in his hands and shakes his head. Sam looks between Danny and Josh, his eyes wide.

SAM: How do you both know what kombucha is?

DANNY: Have you really never read the bottle?

DETECTIVE ACE: (clears throat) Next question. This one is for Daniel: the chaos of the Kiszka brothers must get to you. Have you ever reached your limit? If so, what was the event that caused you to break? And finally, what was your retribution?

DANNY: Hmmm.

JOSH: Don’t say anything too incriminating, Daniel.

DANNY: I’ve definitely come close. Especially when we were younger, you know, in the garage band days, they would butt heads a lot. There were times when I was tempted to storm back to my house after hearing Jake and Josh argue for what felt like hours on end. But I don’t know, I’ve spent a lot of my life with them, I guess I’m kind of used to it. Even when they’re being absolute menaces out in public, it’s never made me break.

SAM: What about Amsterdam?

DANNY: Oh, wait, yeah, I did reach my breaking point in Amsterdam.

DETECTIVE ACE: What happened in Amsterdam?

Danny winces and looks at Sam and Josh to see if he should keep talking. Sam nods. Josh is too busy messing around with the straps on his spacesuit to notice Danny’s glance.

DANNY: It was a few years ago. We were going to play at a festival, but before the gig we went to one of those, uh, coffee shops and got our fill, I guess you could say. Jake and Josh got pretty cocky after that and started to hound me about how I needed to put more force into my hi-hat or some shit like that, which I really didn’t want to hear. That was tearing me down, but then I turned around and saw that Sam was jumping into the canal, entirely clothed. After I ran down to the side of the canal to try and help Sam, Jake pushed me in as well. When I got out, I immediately told them I quit the band and stormed back to our hotel.

SAM: He was on stage with us three hours later.

DANNY: Yeah, so they really didn’t face too much retribution there.

JOSH: We deserved it, though. Poor, poor Daniel.

DETECTIVE ACE takes a sip from his coffee and then looks down at his notepad.

DETECTIVE ACE: Okay, I need a statement on your friend, Oliver Reed. Is he really dead?

The hooded figure, who has been standing in the corner entirely motionless, quickly stirs and then leaps forward with a loud “YAR!” making everyone in the room jump. The hooded figure tears off the cloak in an impressive swoop, revealing OLIVER REED with his beard longer than ever.

OLIVER REED: OLIVER FFFFFUCKING REED LIVES IN THE SPIRITUAL REALM NOW, BUT HIS SOUL IS STILL ALIVE AND WELL. THE DEVIL HAS GRANTED ME AN HOUR ABOVE GROUND TO VISIT OLD FRIENDS, ENEMIES, AND LOVERS.

SAM: Oh my god, Oliver Reed is alive!

OLIVER REED: (growling) What did eye jus say, boy? Yew got no fffffucking ears on you? I’m fuckin dead, my bleeding ghost is here to tie up some loose ends.

JOSH: How much time do you have left before the devil takes you back, Oliver?

Oliver Reed grunts and reaches into his back pocket to study his phone.

OLIVER REED: Six minutes, it looks like.

DANNY: What were you doing in those other fifty-four minutes?

Oliver Reed grabs a cigar and matches out of his vest pocket and lights it, taking a big puff. Then, he starts to laugh at first softly, and then louder and louder.

DANNY: Nevermind, I don’t want to know.

OLIVER REED: Yew know, I talk a lot with Ernest Hemmingway down under, he’s a class act, he is. He can nearly outdrink me. Nearly, though. Ay’ve still got ‘im there. One time we ‘ad a drink off with this shit the devil brews, it’s called a Soul Sucker, aye think. It’s straight shit and maybe a little motor oil. Well, I rolled me sleeves up, rubbed me hands together, and grabbed ‘at big ol’ bottle and chugged it like it was a glass o’ water. And Ernest told me, he said, ‘Oliver, boy, you need to slow down’ to which I said, ‘actually, when yew go too fast, don’t slow down, yer gonna crash.’ Ernest said that was a bloody brilliant quote, and he was going to add it to his new novel, about sexual pleasure and the majesty of the seed.

SAM: Okay, thank you, Oliver.

OLIVER REED: I’m not done yet.

DANNY: (to Detective Ace) Please ask us another question before he starts talking again.

DETECTIVE ACE: Oh, um (clears throat) Okay. Would you rather be locked in a room with one cockroach the size of a medium dog or 100 regular cockroaches?

Oliver Reed pulls off his sunglasses and bends over to be at eye level with Detective Ace, who is still sitting at the interrogation table. Oliver’s eyes are piercing, and they are terrifying. Detective Ace recoils back in his seat a bit.

OLIVER REED: Wot the bloody ‘ell kind of question is ‘at? Cockroaches? Cockroaches?! Well, aye know a thing or two about cocks and I know a thing or two about roaches -

SAM: (cutting Oliver Reed off) Oh GOD.

OLIVER REED: So aye guess ay’d ‘ave to say the giant cock would do fer me. I don’t think aye could wrap me head ‘round a hundred o’ those peckers.

Sam slams his head into the interrogation table with a groan. Danny is quick to make sure that Sam didn’t give himself a concussion.

DANNY: (to Sam) How many fingers am I holding up?

OLIVER REED: HE’S HOLDIN’ THREE, AYE ‘AVEN’T HAD ‘AT MUCH TO DRINK YET, I CAN STILL SEE STRAIGHT.

Danny: I wasn’t talking to you, Oliver.

SAM: Three.

Danny throws his hands in the air, giving up. Josh is silent, thinking especially hard about the cockroach question.

JOSH: I think I would take one hundred small ones.

OLIVER REED: Go and gettem, boy! That’s what Ernest says. If yew’ve got the stamina, by all means.

JOSH: I think I could domesticate them and get them to follow me around. Think of how cool it would be to have a hundred cockroaches near you at all times.

SAM: (peering up at Josh as his head still rests on the table) Literally no one would find that cool. Except you, apparently.

JOSH: I’d give them all names and take care of them.

DANNY: Well, that makes me feel bad. I was gonna say I’d take a big one because it would be easier to kill in one go. Sure, it would take some muscle power and probably be traumatizing, but I’d rather know where the cockroach was at all times than be guessing where all the tiny ones are.

SAM: I ate a cockroach once when I was a kid.

DETECTIVE ACE: Moving on, Danny, I need to clear something up with you: which Hogwarts house are you in?

SAM: Oh shit, yeah, we never found that out in our last video because you didn’t want me sitting on your head in my underwear.

DANNY: Can you blame me?

OLIVER REED: HUFFLEPUFF!

JOSH: (to Oliver Reed) No, buddy, we’re talking about Daniel here.

OLIVER REED: Did I fffffucking stutter?

DANNY: I would say I’m a Ravenclaw.

SAM: Not Gryffindor?

DANNY: Nope, I never felt like I would fit in there. I was always pretty studious in school while you guys were the ones causing trouble.

JOSH: You call it trouble, I call it freedom.

DANNY: You call lighting a trashcan in the teacher’s parking lot freedom?

JOSH: Absolutely.

DETECTIVE ACE: Are you afraid of the dark?

DANNY: Yes.

SAM: No.

JOSH: (squinting) Why?

OLIVER REED: When yer dead, the darkness becomes yew. It’s somethin’ yew can’t fear unless yew want to fear yerself, which I wouldn’t recommend, because then yew start to lose yer sense of self and decay into a shell of who yew once were.

JOSH: Okay, yes, I am afraid of the dark.

OLIVER REED: Don’t be, it can’t hurt yew.

Oliver Reed’s face suddenly pales and he throws his hands up to cover his head, letting out a terrified squawk.

JOSH: (abruptly standing to his feet) What? What’s wrong?

OLIVER REED: My time is up. The devil is here for me. He brings the darkness.

Oliver Reed is staring directly at Sam.

SAM: Dude, I’m not the devil.

OLIVER REED: Tell yer mother I said ‘elloooooooooooooooooooo

Oliver Reed crumples into a ball on the floor Wicked Witch of the West-style, out of sight of the camera, presumably back down to hell. Some smoke rises from the floor.

JOSH: You know, for all of his flaws, he is a fun guy to be around.

DANNY: He stresses me out.

A knock sounds on the door. Detective Ace springs to his feet and opens the door, revealing JAKE, who is wearing his infamous straw hat, paired with a black t-shirt that reads “babygirl” in an italic font.

JAKE: Sorry I’m late.

Jake steps into the room and grabs a seat beside Josh, giving him a hearty pat on the back.

JOSH: You just missed Oliver Reed.

JAKE: Really? Darn, that’s too bad. We can never seem to cross paths. Maybe one of these days.

SAM: You probably just have to say “shit” three times and put a bottle of whiskey out to get him back.

DETECTIVE ACE: Speaking of shit, is there any chance you guys will do a ‘Behind the Shit’ series for YouTube?

JAKE: (whispering to Josh) Wait, why are we in the slammer?

JOSH: (whispering back) Identity theft.

SAM: We do have the title trademarked, but we’re unfortunately legally barred from sharing any insider details about our upcoming promotional material for our new album.

JAKE: What a mature answer to that question, Sammy Boy. The media training is finally sticking.

Sam blows Jake a raspberry.

DANNY: We’re lucky to have a great social media team that catches some of our best and, well, not-so-best moments to share with our fans. I think it’s important to let our audience see that we have depth to us beyond our stage personas.

DETECTIVE ACE: Fair enough. What do your fans have to do to hear “The Barbarians” live?

JOSH: So, what they’re gonna do is they’re gonna grab their checkbook, write me a number with a lot of zeros in it, and sign their name at the bottom.

JAKE: We played Barbarians not too long ago, didn’t we?

SAM: I think there’s a high demand that we make it a regular.

DANNY: It’s that guitar part, Jake. They can’t get enough of it.

JAKE: Well, that’s more than enough to stroke my god complex. I say we play it every show, boys.

Sam notices Jake’s shirt for the first time.

SAM: Babygirl??

JAKE: Huh? (looks down at shirt) Oh, yeah. Like it?

SAM: I thought I was the baby?

JAKE: You’re so baby. It’s different.

SAM: Wha- how?

DANNY: He’s right.

With a grunt, Danny removes his own shirt, revealing that he’s wearing a babygirl shirt as well. Sam gapes at his friend.

DETECTIVE ACE: Is Daniel a Sephora VIB Rouge member yet?

JOSH: What’s that?

SAM: I think it stands for “Very Important Bitch.” In which case, yes, he is a VIB member.

DANNY: (softly) I do have a Sephora member card.

JAKE: Wait, really?

DANNY: It made a lot of sense financially. Plus they send me cool stuff every month, so it’s something to look forward to.

JAKE: (throwing himself back in his chair) Huh.

DANNY: I got an eyeliner pencil I think you’d like. You can have it.

JAKE: (softly, to Danny) Yes please.

SAM: Can I get something?

DANNY: Sure.

Danny fumbles around in his pockets like he’s looking for something. Sam watches him with interest. Danny lifts his hand back up from his pocket, shooting Sam the bird. Sam immediately pouts.

DETECTIVE ACE: Can we expect any new musical instruments on the album?

JOSH: You can anticipate a lot of evolved sonic elements. With Starcatcher, we wanted to challenge ourselves and expand our sound into something that somehow feels even larger than life than The Battle at Gardens Gate. Each song should transport you to a different time, place, and frame of mind.

JAKE: Yeah, there is a lot more experimentation happening for this album, extending even beyond the instruments we use. A lot of it lies in the production as well, which we put a lot of thought into. We’re at the point in our musical journey where it’s almost like we’re at a crossroads: do we continue developing a sound that we’ve already created, or do we move in a new direction? It’s an exciting question to face, and I guess you’ll learn the answer soon.

SAM: You guys are talking all big about new sounds and shit, but we never reached the Beach Boys-level of experimentation, using celery as a musical instrument.

JOSH: Sam’s still upset that we didn’t let him play the zucchini on one of our tracks.

SAM: There was potential there, and you know it.

DANNY: Not when you’re using that zucchini as a bow on your bass. It sounded like ass.

SAM: You shut it down before I could figure it out. I was onto something, I swear!

Jake, Josh, and Danny all turn to Detective Ace and very evidently mouth to him at the same time, “he wasn’t.”

DETECTIVE ACE: (scans notes again) This one looks like something my colleague wrote out. Ummmm, Sammy, when will you shave off your facial hair? Frowny face.

Sam furrows his brow and stands to his feet, slamming his hands down on the interrogation table with a loud BANG! He glares at Detective Ace and proceeds to rip off his fake mustache, revealing his real mustache underneath. He discards the fake mustache and it lands on the side of Josh’s face so it’s almost like he’s got a single sideburn. Josh’s face contorts into a look of utmost disgust.

SAM: Does that answer your question?

DETECTIVE ACE: It definitely doesn’t.

Sam retrieves another fake mustache from his back pocket and carefully places it on his face. It’s a lot more crooked than his previous fake mustache, and notably bright red. Seemingly content, Sam takes his seat once more. Detective Ace awkwardly clears his throat and shuffles his papers.

DETECTIVE ACE: This one is for Josh. Would you ever want to pursue acting or directing again outside of your music videos?

JOSH: Mayhaps.

JAKE: You did not just say “mayhaps.”

JOSH: Mayhaps I did.

Jake shakes his head in disbelief.

JOSH: I’m genuinely distraught that I didn’t get a casting call for the new Barbie movie. But I am relieved that Christopher Nolan didn’t reach out about Oppenheimer. I don’t think I could work with Josh Peck.

SAM: Right, you couldn’t handle there being another, more successful, Josh on set.

DANNY: Is Josh Peck really that successful?

SAM: (gesturing back at Josh) More than this idiot.

JOSH: (ignoring Sam) I’ve tried writing some stuff over the years and, I don’t know, there are some projects I’d like to pursue, but right now music is in the forefront of my mind. We’ve got some momentum that I don’t want to tamper with.

JAKE: Thank god for that.

JOSH: I do want to make a loose adaptation of The Wizard of Oz though, where they join a cult in the woods with the apple tree men. Maybe they’d sacrifice Toto or something, I don’t know. I think it could be a good opportunity to provide commentary on the People’s Temple Church. Is that controversial to say? I don’t know.

SAM: It’s stupid to say, that’s what it is.

JOSH: Some people just aren’t ready for big ideas.

DANNY: (under his breath) The last thing we need is another Wizard of Oz adaptation. No one can beat what the Muppets did.

DETECTIVE ACE: I think I’ve heard enough about the cults. So, why do you all hate Tumblr?

JOSH: What’s a Tumblr?

JAKE: I think it’s that thing that you put drinks in.

JOSH: Oh.

SAM: It’s a social media site. And no, we don’t hate it.

DANNY: I thought it wasn’t around anymore.

SAM: (a little too quickly) No, it’s around.

Danny whirls around to study Sam. Their eyes dance about as if they’re having a telepathic conversation. Danny leans closer into Sam’s side.

DANNY: (just barely audible) Why are you on Tumblr?

SAM: I like reading fanfiction on the bus. It’s really entertaining.

DANNY: About us?

SAM: We’ll talk about it later.

JOSH: (repeating himself) What’s a Tumblr?

JAKE: I don’t hate anything.

DANNY: You hate geese.

JAKE: Oh shit, yeah. (through grit teeth) I fuckin hate geese.

DETECTIVE ACE: Are you going to revive your band’s Tumblr account?

SAM: (perking up) We have a band account?

DANNY: Based on that reaction, I think it’s safe to say there will be some activity there soon.

DETECTIVE ACE: (nodding) What is your go-to cereal?

JOSH: (giving his signature chuckle) I’m sorry, uh (looks around at his band members) Why is this relevant?

JAKE: (thoughtfully) You can tell a lot about a person by the cereal they eat.

JOSH: So, what’s your go-to then, Jakey?

JAKE: Honey Nut Cheerios.

JOSH: So basically you’re boring. You’re boring, Jake.

DANNY: And concerned about his heart health. What about you, Josh?

JOSH: Easy. Fruit Loops. Raw.

JAKE: So you like holes.

JOSH: I could say the same about you, Honey Nut Cheerios are the same shape!

DANNY: Wait, raw??

JOSH: I don’t need milk. Actually, I can’t have milk with my cereal because it builds up phlegm around my vocal cords. So I eat my cereal raw.

SAM: I like Lucky Charms, but only the marshmallows. Wait, no, I don’t like cereal. I’m more of an oatmeal guy.

JOSH: You’re a weird fucker.

JAKE: So you like to eat vomit?

SAM: It’s delightful with a bit of fruit, you don’t know what you’re talking about!

JOSH: What’s your choice cereal, Daniel?

DANNY: I gotta go with Frosted Mini Wheats. They’re a classic.

JAKE: That’s actually, yeah, okay, that’s a good answer.

JOSH: I can’t find any faults there.

SAM: I’m gonna force you to eat oatmeal when we get home.

JAKE: I’d like to see you try.

DETECTIVE ACE: What do you do when you can’t sleep at night?

SAM: Eat oatmeal.

JAKE: I usually can’t sleep at night because I’m so disturbed by the image of Sam eating oatmeal.

JOSH: I go out and look at the stars and ponder life, death, and the history of time. Usually a nice cup of tea helps me too. And some other, uh, let’s call them supplements.

DANNY: I listen to my comfort albums.

SAM: What? Like Billy Squier?

DANNY: No. Like Rumors and Abbey Road. I’ve had some pretty nasty insomnia over the years, but there’s nothing quite like Fleetwood Mac or the Beatles to ease the mind.

JAKE: When I can’t sleep, I get so frustrated that I start punching shit.

JOSH: I once caught him punching the refrigerator at 4am.

JAKE: It’s cathartic, but it also makes me tired enough that I can fall asleep. I’ve even come up with some guitar riffs over the years while doing it.

JOSH: Jake wrote the “Built By Nations” solo while he was punching a lawn mower in the middle of the night.

DANNY: I wish they were joking.

SAM: One time Jake started punching me when he couldn’t sleep.

JAKE: I’ve told you, it wasn’t a direct attack, it was just a convenience thing. You were the closest to me and I was half-awake.

JOSH: This isn’t making us look very good, is it?

DETECTIVE ACE: You’re a bunch of characters, I can tell you that. Another question, specifically for Sam: did you meet your crush, Hozier, at Shaky Knees? And who has better hair?

SAM: I feel a little bit attacked by that question, Ace. First of all, he’s not my crush.

DANNY: He’s my crush.

SAM: That’s right, Danny is head over heels for the guy. He called dibs. Secondly, it’s not fair to compare our hair.

JAKE: That’s Sammy’s way of admitting that Andrew’s hair is better.

DANNY: We did get to meet him backstage, even though it was really brief. He’s a great guy, it would be incredible to collaborate with him on something down the road.

JOSH: His voice is like an angel. And his lyrics? Perfect. He can do no wrong.

DANNY: Sam’s knees nearly buckled when he first saw him. I had to hold him upright.

SAM: I thought we agreed that was going to stay between us.

DANNY: Sorry, it felt relevant to mention.

JAKE: I met Jack Black. It was probably one of the best days of my life.

JOSH: Did he play you the greatest song in the world?

JAKE: No, he couldn’t remember the greatest song in the world, he could only play a tribute.

Jake and Josh share a goofy smile.

DANNY: Andrew, if you’re watching this, please do a song with me.

Sam nods his head rapidly. Across the table, Detective Ace’s phone starts to ring.

DETECTIVE ACE: Sorry, excuse me for one second, I need to take this.

Detective Ace gets up from his seat and hustles out of the room while answering his phone with a quick, “yello?” The members of Greta Van Fleet sit still in silence, listening to Detective Ace’s footsteps grow softer. Finally, Josh springs to his feet.

JOSH: Think he’s gone?

Jake stands as well and peers out the window in the door.

JAKE: I don’t see him.

JOSH: Okay, good. We’re breaking out of here.

SAM: What? Why? He seems nice.

DANNY: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

JOSH: I’m like a bird, I need to be free.

JAKE: I just want to see if we can pull it off.

DANNY: How do we know there’s not someone behind that two way mirror?

Danny turns to point at the massive two way mirror that lines the wall in front of them. Jake and Josh study the mirror and then shrug.

JAKE: If someone’s there, let’s see if they can stop us.

DANNY: What? No.

Josh joins Sam’s side and grabs his spacesuit helmet.

JOSH: Hold still, Samuel.

SAM: Huh?

Josh slams his helmet down on Sam’s handcuffs, hitting more of Sam’s hands than the actual handcuffs. Sam starts to holler out in pain, but Josh clamps a hand over his mouth.

JOSH: Ssshhh, don’t blow our cover, okay?

SAM: MMMmmmrmph???

Josh reaches the helmet back up to give it another go, but Danny grabs his hand to stop him from inflicting anymore pain or damage on Sam. Sam breathes out a sigh of relief.

JOSH: So maybe we can get the handcuffs off you guys after we escape.

Behind Josh, Jake grabs a chair from the interrogation table and chucks it at the two way mirror with a shout. The chair comically bounces off the mirror and lands on the floor, shattering into what looks like a million pieces. The mirror is unscathed.

JAKE: (out of breath) Shit, I really thought that was gonna work.

Now it’s Josh’s turn: he puts the helmet back on his head, taps it a couple of times for good luck, and hurls himself at the mirror head first. At this exact moment, Detective Ace comes back into the room.

JAKE: Quick! Everyone act normal!

Josh is flattened out on the floor. Sam is tending to his hands. Danny is shaking his head in disbelief. Jake tries to block the view of the chair that he absolutely decimated with a wide stance, awkwardly putting his hands on his hips with a large, fake smile.

DETECTIVE ACE: What the hell is going on here?

Danny crouches down next to Josh and carefully removes his helmet.

JOSH: (softly) Did we make it out?

DANNY: Definitely not.

JOSH: Damn. Better luck next time.

Danny helps Josh back up to his feet and Josh holds onto him briefly for support before regaining his balance and composure.

DETECTIVE ACE: Do you want to join me back at the table?

DANNY: Yep.

Josh and Danny return to the table and grab their seats again. Detective Ace also sits, leaving Jake standing around, lost, since he destroyed his chair. Jake looks unsure what to do, and then finally opts to try and hold a squat at the table, mimicking sitting in a chair.

DETECTIVE ACE: (nodding towards Josh) Are you okay?

Josh shrugs.

SAM: You wouldn’t believe how much head trauma he’s had over the years.

DETECTIVE ACE: No, I think I would. Are you all ready to continue on with the questioning? I’m sorry for stepping out, the police chief needed to check in about something.

SAM: Everything okay?

DETECTIVE ACE: Nothing I can disclose.

SAM: Fair enough.

DETECTIVE ACE: Alright. I want to talk about your “Meeting the Master” music video: is there any lore going on there?

DANNY: Yes.

SAM: Yes.

JAKE: Yes.

JOSH: Esyay.

Everyone abruptly turns to face Josh, who looks back at them in confusion.

JOSH: Isyay erethay omethingsay ongwray?

SAM: Oh god, he’s speaking pig latin.

JAKE: Not again.

DETECTIVE ACE: Not again?

Jake stands from his squat with a grunt and a few pops and then shuffles to Josh’s side and turns him around in his chair so they’re face to face.

JAKE: You gotta snap out of it, Josh. Snap out of it!

Jake snaps his fingers in front of Josh’s face a few times. Josh has a delayed reaction.

JAKE: Shit.

JOSH: Iyay eelfay inefay.

SAM: I think we should keep him this way. It’s kinda funny.

DANNY: No one’s gonna know what he’s saying.

JAKE: Does anyone know what he’s usually saying?

Danny purses his lips. Jake has a point.

JOSH: Owhay antsway otay alktay aboutyay ouryay usicmay ideovay?

DANNY: I got it. There’s definitely a story being told in our “Meeting the Master” music video. I don’t think we should hand you the answer on a silver platter since there’s a lot of rewards that come with analyzing it and forming your own perspective on the message, but we definitely drew inspiration from specific art pieces, old literature, and key pieces of history.

JAKE: If you look closely, we do a few callbacks to earlier music videos and songs as well. There’s a lot of easter eggs in there.

SAM: The main lore is those red gloves were really hard to get on and take off. I was about ready to accept that they were going to become a part of me.

DANNY: That’s not really what lore means, Sam.

Sam looks like he could care less and focuses his attention on stroking his fake mustache. Detective Ace can’t stop staring at him.

JOSH: Ethay usicmay ideovay isyay illedfay ithway agicmay, evilyay, andyay ethay owerpay atthay omescay ithway omisingpray impossibleyay ingsthay. Iyay eallyray eelfay ikelay it'syay oneyay ofyay ouryay ostmay ignificantsay andyay elevantray usicmay ideosvay etyay, eoplepay ouldshay aketay isthay asyay ayay arningway andyay asyay anyay opportunityyay otay eflectray onyay eirthay iveslay andyay ethay ecisionsday eythay akemay eachyay ayday. Inyay actfay, iyay ouldway ecommendray atthay -

JAKE: I can’t do this.

Jake grabs Josh’s helmet, secures it back on Josh’s head, grabs him around the waist, and chucks him into the mirror once more, head first.

DETECTIVE ACE: Oh.

Danny springs to his feet in shock.

DANNY: Jake!

JAKE: (down to Josh, who is on the floor again) Better?

Josh groans and rolls around so he’s on his back and pulls off his helmet.

JOSH: Je ne peux pas croire que tu viens de me jeter comme ça. (I can’t believe you just threw me like that)

Jake hoists Josh up once more and slams his helmeted head against the mirror.

JAKE: (out of breath) Now?

JOSH: I think so.

JAKE: Thank fuckin god.

Josh and Jake return to the table. Jake swoops in to steal Josh’s seat before he can sit, leaving Josh standing behind Jake, Danny, and Sam while scratching at the back of his head.

DANNY: (to Josh) Are you okay?

JOSH: I’ve had worse.

DETECTIVE ACE: I’ll ease you back in with a simpler question. How many pairs of shoes do you have?

SAM: None.

Sam leans back in his chair, kicks his feet up, and slams them down on the table, revealing his bare dogs. Detective Ace’s cup of lukewarm coffee is spilled in the process, forming a puddle around Danny’s discarded top that he shed earlier.

DANNY: Aw man.

Beside Danny, Jake is counting on his fingers while staring up at the ceiling in deep concentration.

JAKE: I would approximate about six. But I really only wear three pairs on the regular.

JOSH: (teasing with a callback) He keeps his pumps in the back of the closet for special occasions.

Jake scowls in Josh’s direction.

DANNY: I probably own too many shoes. I should donate some.

JOSH: Yeah, donate them to Sam, please.

SAM: I lied, I do own a pair of shoes. Actually, maybe two. Or three.

JOSH: Will there be any consequences if I give an incorrect answer? I genuinely don’t know.

DETECTIVE ACE: You can give an estimate.

JOSH: Between 0-50.

JAKE: He is a diva, you know. And divas need their shoes.

JOSH: I mostly have sneakers, nothing fancy. I need something that’s easy to slip out of, you know, not too confining.

SAM: Gotta let the dogs breathe!

DETECTIVE ACE: Moving on from the feet, would you ever consider doing meet and greets again?

DANNY: Ummmmmm…

SAM: I don’t really like the idea of people paying to meet us. I mean, we really aren’t that great.

JAKE: That’s your opinion.

SAM: I’d rather meet fans naturally, while we’re out and about. It’s a lot more intimate that way, a lot less pressure. If you see me, buy me a drink and I’ll be your best friend.

DANNY: I do agree with that. I mean, I value my privacy, but I don’t want to have some super commercialized meet and greet where you take a picture with me, give me a hug, and then walk away a hundred bucks poorer.

SAM: At the end of the day, we’re just human. Treat us that way.

JOSH: I have nothing to add to that.

Josh reaches into a pocket in his spacesuit and retrieves a bag of red rhinestones and a bottle of glue. Detective Ace eyes him cautiously, but Josh doesn’t notice. He’s too busy tearing into the packaging and opening his glue.

DETECTIVE ACE: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Josh places dots of glue on his cheeks and quickly covers them with the red rhinestones, looking as if he has a case of extra sparkly chicken pox. He doesn’t stop there though: Josh continues to mindlessly add the rhinestones to his face until it’s becoming challenging to see his bare skin.

JAKE: (sincerely) I think it does.

SAM: I fell in love with my bass the first time I saw it, does that count?

JOSH: (while still adding rhinestones to his face) Love is a delightful, innocent, beautiful thing. You really never know where it’s going to take you, but it’s around us all the time. Sure, it can be challenging to spot out at times, but I think it does have the power to strike you immediately, without necessarily knowing someone. It’s a part of human nature to love, and be loved.

Danny is too busy watching Josh turn himself into the personification of Dorothy’s slippers to answer the question. Detective Ace takes Danny’s silence as a cue to move on to his next question. Before he can, though, Josh clears his throat and nods towards the door. Every square inch of his face is now covered in rhinestones.

JOSH: Can I use the gents?

DETECTIVE ACE: By all means.

Josh hustles out of the room.

JAKE: He’s all about his theatrics, never a dull moment with that one.

Danny ducks underneath the table and seems to be fussing around with something. Sam leans over to ask if he needs help, and then Danny motions for him to join him under the table, which Sam does with a laugh. This leaves only Jake sitting at the table, staring at Detective Ace with a blank look. Detective Ace looks back at him. Jake doesn’t appear to be blinking. After a frankly unnerving amount of time staring back and forth at each other, Sam pops his head back out from under the table, no longer wearing his red mustache. Danny comes out as well and is wearing a long, straight, brunette wig, a fake beard, and a bucket hat, his stage makeup entirely wiped off. His babygirl shirt has been swapped for a button up top that looks straight out of the seventies. He takes a seat back in his chair and pulls out a pair of drumsticks, which he twirls around. Shortly afterwards, Josh re-enters the interrogation room with his face scrubbed clean of the rhinestones. He’s wearing a long, blonde, curly wig and his Elle Fernanda glasses.

ELLE FERNANDA: The line in that bathroom was a-trocious!

SAM: Elle Fernanda? To what do I owe the pleasure?

ELLE FERNANDA: I was just in town, looking around for a new chunky candamera, and I wandered in here. I saw some nice donuts in the window from the street.

DANNY: (in a jarring British accent) Would you like to join us?

ELLE FERNANDA: Well, you seem like a very polite gentleman. I’ll happily take a seat and settle for a little bit to rest my feet.

Elle Fernanda approaches Jake and clears her throat. Jake looks up at her and Elle Fernanda motions that he get out of her seat. Jake looks like he really doesn’t want to, but he stands and backs away from the table.

ELLE FERNANDA: Thank you, darling.

DETECTIVE ACE: We were answering some questions, if you don’t mind.

ELLE FERNANDA: Oh, please, go ahead, I’ll try not to be a bother.

Elle Fernanda adjusts the glasses on her face and reaches into her purse, retrieving a nail file which she starts using on her fingers.

ELLE FERNANDA: I wish I had some sticked-ons with me. They’d make my hands look really nice today.

DANNY: (still British) Red would look pretty.

ELLE FERNANDA: This young man gets it, he really does!

DETECTIVE ACE: Returning back to the questioning, if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

ELLE FERNANDA: Are you offering? If you pay, I’d get one now.

DETECTIVE ACE: No, it’s a, uh, hypothetical question.

ELLE FERNANDA: Shame.

JAKE: Easy, “Cream” above my buttcrack.

Elle Fernanda raises a hand up to her chest in shock.

ELLE FERNANDA: My word!

SAM: I’d probably get my dog’s paw print somewhere, I don’t know, maybe on the bottom of my foot or something.

JAKE: That sounds fucking painful.

SAM: It would be sentimental.

ELLE FERNANDA: A little bit cliche too.

DANNY: (still British) Maybe the Ludwig logo. Or the Borromean rings.

Detective Ace squints at Danny. Danny is unbothered by this.

ELLE FERNANDA: I would get something sweet, like a flow-ah, or, or, maybe a strawberry or something.

SAM: Where would you put your tattoo, Elle?

ELLE FERNANDA: A lady never tells.

DETECTIVE ACE: Now, will the sword make more appearances?

JAKE: I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask!

Jake hops on top of the interrogation table with ease and, seemingly out of nowhere, unsheathes his infamous sword, holding it up towards the ceiling in a pose very similar to Luke Skywalker on the Star Wars: A New Hope poster. Elle takes one look at the sword, lets out a shrill shriek, and books it out of the room. Jake seems to be energized by this since he swings the sword around a couple of times, calling out with glee.

SAM: Jake, get down from there!

Jake is unbelievably lost in the moment.

JAKE: Land ho! Treasure ahead, me hearties, we’ll be rich in no time! All we have to do is cross the crocodile-infested swamp and sneak into the cave of shadows and then we’ll be in piles of gold up to our elbows! Yarrrrr!

DANNY: (still British) Will we run into Moby Dick on our way?

JAKE: Argh, no whales with phallic names, me boy, only reptiles with a bloodlust like you wouldn’t believe! But we’ll cut and slash through them like they’re jelly!

Jake continues flinging the sword around which causes Sam to finally step in, carefully joining Jake on top of the table and snatching the sword out of his hand.

SAM: (scolding) I thought we agreed to keep this thing locked up.

JAKE: (snapping out of his pirate fantasy) Sorry I want to have fun from time to time.

SAM: (under breath) No need to go shanking people at a police precinct.

Josh returns back to the room, still donning the long, curly, blonde wig. From the doorway, he carefully steps out of his spacesuit, revealing a blue floral mini-robe that’s open to expose his chest. He’s also wearing an impressive pair of flare jeans.

JOSH: (also British) Sorry, this older woman was making quite the fuss in the front, going off about someone with a sword? She was in hysterics.

JAKE: Oops.

Josh takes a seat beside Danny and gives him a quick fist bump.

JOSH: John.

DANNY: Robert.

DETECTIVE ACE: (looking increasingly skeptical about the scene unfolding in front of him) Can you tell me the song that was most popular the year you were born?

DANNY: Twelfth Street Rag.

JOSH: Same.

SAM: (now also British, albeit with a poor accent) Prisoner of Love. Great tune.

Everyone looks to Jake for his response, but he is no longer at the table. Detective Ace rises to his feet to scan around the room. After Detective Ace turns in half a circle, Jake pops his head out from under the table. He’s wearing a dark, curly mane of a wig on his head and his dragon suit.

JAKE: (British, but a bit different than Oliver Reed) Swinging On A Star.

DETECTIVE ACE: Okay…What’s a conspiracy you believe in?

SAM: The moon landing was a complete hoax.

JAKE: (British) Well, detective, you see, this might come across as a bit outlandish, but I believe that there is a band of young men out in Michigan who are copying our every move in order to find success as rock musicians.

Detective Ace springs to his feet with a new surge of energy.

DETECTIVE ACE: Aha!

Detective Ace fumbles around with a walkie talkie in his euphoria.

DETECTIVE ACE: Sergeant? Yes, I got them.

JOSH: (to Jake) Nice one.

JAKE: It was bound to slip at some point.

Four cops hustle into the room and secure handcuffs around Jake and Josh’s wrists. Sam and Danny each get an additional pair of handcuffs around their wrists just because.

DETECTIVE ACE: You four are charged with identity theft, for posing as the original members of the band, Led Zeppelin.

SAM: That’s absurd! We’d never!

DANNY: Yeah, that’s bogus, man!

DETECTIVE ACE: Take them into processing, I’ve got a lot of paperwork to fill out.

JOSH: This is all just a big misunderstanding, we’re our own people! Are we not allowed to take inspiration from a revolutionary band? Maybe we just have similar interests and perspectives about things!

DETECTIVE ACE: Save it for the judge, buddy.

JOSH: Wait until my lawyer hears about this!

JAKE: (whispering) We don’t have a lawyer.

JOSH: Shit!! How have we made it this far?

JAKE: Luck. A lot of luck.

The cops escort Sam, Danny, Jake, and Josh out of the room. Josh is the last to leave, but he sticks his head back into the room one last time.

JOSH: AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS!

The cop drags Josh back out into the hallway and the door slams shut, leaving Detective Ace alone in the room. He studies the discarded chairs and mess in front of him and shakes his head in disbelief. In silence he lights a cigarette and takes a long drag, looking thoughtful.

DETECTIVE ACE: Were my questions addressed? Yes, but at what cost?

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kpforpresident · 2 years

Note

Clexa #46 please

~out of envy or jealousy~

“Clarke, wait,” Lexa calls out desperately behind her, sighing in slight frustration as the mane of blonde hair whipped around the hallway of their apartment building. Fading footsteps pounded furiously up the slightly tilted stairs that lead to their cozy third story apartment. Keys rattled in the door, and then the resounding sound of that same door slamming echoed in the hallway.

Lexa slumped against the very bottom stair, pinching the bridge of her nose tiredly. Letting her head fall back with a thump against the wallpapered hallway, she dug her phone out of her pocket with a weary hand and pressed two on her speed dial, waiting.

“Hey, kid. What have you done now?” An amused voice blares out of the small speaker as Lexa presses the speakerphone mode and taps the phone against her forehead, holding up her head with a weary finger to her temple.

She wiggles uncomfortably in her suit, undoing her jacket with one hand as she tries to sit without wrinkling it more. She had only worn this particular green one, slightly tight as it was, because she assumed that Clarke would be peeling it off her as soon as they had gotten home from the law school gala. Preferably with her teeth. Clearly, she muses as she looks up at their very shut front door, that was not happening tonight. She scrubs a tired hand over her face, remembering at the last moment that she had put on eye makeup tonight. Damn, double damn.

“Ahn, why do you assume that I am the one who has fucked up,” she snarls slightly, looking with betrayal at the phone. As if Anya can see her through the speaker, all the way out in sunny California.

“Because,” the knowing voice on the other end of the line says, “you wouldn’t be calling me at-” a shuffle as Anya leans over to peer at her kitchen clock- “two am New York time if you hadn’t fucked up in some manner.”

Lexa nods slightly. Then, remembering that Anya can’t see her, says quietly, “yeah, I mean you’re not wrong. The problem is, I don’t think I’ve done anything. But Clarke clearly thinks I have, and now I am locked out of my own apartment because she has the only set of keys we brought out!”

A tinny laugh oozes out of the speaker and Lexa rolls her eyes as she smiles slightly, waiting for Anya to get her kicks. Then a crackly sigh pours out of the speaker, followed by the whoosh of what Lexa assumes is Anya’s fridge opening. The bubbly crack of a beer can follows as Lexa can hear Anya getting settled again. She can picture her, slinging herself onto her kitchen counter as she gets comfortable, long legs dangling off, beer in hand.

“Ok, Lex. I’m ready. Hit me with whatever fuckery you’ve managed this time.” Lexa rolls her eyes for real this time as she wiggles out of her jacket fully, draping it carefully over a higher step as she toes off her favorite dress shoes.

“I don’t know what happened, Ahn. The night was going well, we had been having fun. Clarke was wearing this insane midnight navy dress that I was honestly losing my mind over-”

“Ew, Lexa,” Anya interrupted, sounding horrified. “I’m really glad you've been sickeningly in love since you were like, eighteen, but I do not need to hear how badly you want to bone your girlfriend. Believe me, we all know it.”

Lexa smiles for real as she conjures up a vision of Clarke’s dress- strapless and shimmering in the soft lights of the ballroom, clinging to her legs and generous curves as she moves and dances. Lexa had barely been able to keep her hands off Clarke, the liquid silk appearing as it had been simply painted on her girlfriend. Clarke had topped off the look with strappy black heels that made it so she was able to look Lexa squarely in the eyes as they danced.

Lexa had had visions of those shoes in particular throughout the night, them falling into bed after, light off of expensive champagne and tiny plates of appetizers supplied by Lexa’s law program to celebrate the end of their third year. Clarke wearing only those shoes, creamy alabaster legs wrapped around Lexa’s shoulders in their bed.

Lexa shakes the image out of her head as Anya’s inquiring, exasperated “Hello, earth to Alexandria,” blares into her eardrum.

“Sorry Anya, I’m here,” She says as a faint blush steals across the tops of her ears. “Anyway, everything had been going so well, we had been having fun. Clarke had sat for a little while because her feet were hurting, and Costia and I were dancing-”

“Wait, wait wait,” Anya cuts her off, sounding decidedly less amused. “You were dancing with Costia? Lexa, anyone with eyeballs and a pulse can see how badly that girl has it for you, she practically makes up excuses to come talk to you at your internship. You know it bugs the hell out of Clarke!”

The friendship between Anya and Clarke wasn’t one that Lexa completely understood, as they teased the hell out of each other. But at some point over Lexa and Clarke’s six plus year relationship, Anya had become as protective of Clarke as she was of Lexa.

“I know Anya,” Lexa growls back, wiggling down completely now to lay on the rickety wooden step. The accusing face of her watch reads 2:45 am.

“But Clarke needed to sit, and Costia’s date Echo was off schmoozing up one of our law profs, and she asked and I felt like I couldn’t say no. It was one dance, Ahn! We talked about Clarke the entire time! We were talking about her latest exhibit!”

“Does Clarke know that??” Anya demanded through the speaker, pitch of her voice stepping up incredulously. Lexa’s arm that isn’t holding the phone shoots up into the air, gesturing in exasperation as she clamps the phone between her jaw and shoulder.

“I didn’t have a chance, Anya! Clarke was so pissed after that dance that she barely said another word to me as we cabbed home, wouldn’t listen to me. Then she sprinted off in those damn heels and now I’m here, talking to you while my girlfriend fumes inside. What do I do?!”

Silence.

“You know what to do, Lex,” Anya’s unamused voice said. “Go up there, and fucking grovel. Tell her exactly what you told me. Relationships are based on trust and mutual love, but Clarke has communicated to you clearly that she’s uncomfortable with Costia, and you danced with her anyway. Your intentions were good but your execution needs a lot of work, little sister.”

“Love you too, Ahn,” Lexa snarls, but there is no heat behind it.

“Bye, Lexa. We’ll talk tomorrow?”

Lexa murmurs an affirmative before hanging up, dropping her phone on her chest as she sits, thinking, for a long moment. She hoists herself up, tucking her phone into her back pocket as she grabs her shoes with her right hand, slighing her jacket over her left shoulder as she slowly walks up the meandering staircase. Before she can hesitantly knock on the door, it creaks open.

Liquid blue eyes meet her apologetic gaze. Clarke’s face is scrubbed clean of makeup, the skin around her eyes slightly red. Golden curls tumble around her shoulders, the glamorous waves from the event falling slightly. She’s dressed in one of Lexa’s oversized Columbia sweaters, the sleeves rolled so that her hands are free, legs and feet bare. It’s Clarke’s go-to comfort item when she’s upset. It hurts something in Lexa’s chest to see how sad this made Clarke. Lexa drops her shoes again as she reaches for Clarke, instinctively wanting to comfort her.

Clarke lets herself be folded into Lexa’s embrace, tucking her chin into Lexa’s shoulder. They stand in silence for a moment in the doorway.

“I heard everything.”

Lexa’s shoulders slump in silent relief. While she doesn’t exactly love that Clarke was listening to her phone call with her sister, if it has turned the angry lioness back into her pliant and loving girlfriend, she’s willing to let it slide.

Clarke tugs her into the apartment, door closing behind them. After Lexa has changed, shedding her beautiful but impractical suit for a threadbare Artists Do It Better tie dye t-shirt that they had found while thrifting, they curl up in bed together.

“I get jealous, Lex,” comes the quiet admission into her shirtfront as Clarke’s arms twine around her for comfort. Lexa stamps a loving kiss to her hairline, waiting for her to finish as she smooths an encouraging hand down her spine. Clarke props her chin up on Lexa’s sternum so they can lock eyes.

“It’s hard for me to feel like I compare sometimes, with Costia being in your law program and your internship, and you’ll probably work at the same firm after graduation, and I know I’m good at what I do, but it’s just hard to feel like I fit into your world,” comes out in a shaky whisper as those heartbreakingly blue eyes fill with a ream of tears.

Lexa grabs her tighter, rolling them so they are facing each other on their sides.

“Clarke, you are it for me,” she states honestly as she smooths her tears away. “You are my world.”

Clarke nods into her shirtfront. She doesn’t say anything for a moment before she lunges at an unsuspecting Lexa, their mouths clashing together. They kiss heavily for a moment, lips and teeth and tongue battling for dominance. Clarke eventually pulls away first, breathing heavily. Lexa’s eyes are still zeroed onto her lips, eyes dark and wanting.

“What was that for?” she asks huskily, running a lustful hand over Clarke’s hip.

“Because, you’re mine,” Clarke snarls back, somehow rolling them so she pins Lexa underneath her. She reaches behind her to pull the baggy sweatshirt over her head, preening slightly as Lexa’s eyes zero into her chest.

“And I intend to show you that.”

#this somehow took on a life of its own #i just really love this little stupid mid twenties clexa #kiss prompt #clexa #thanks for asking anon #anya is two on speedial because the assumption is clarke is one #kpprompts #ny au

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perfectpaperbluebirds · 1 year

Note

Can I request a Shane and Molly holiday sickfic where they’re trying to celebrate but then they both get sick?

Words: 1367

Title: We'll Share A Cup Of Kindness Yet

Hey hi hello anon and thanks for the request. This suited my current, continued need for small drabble prompts perfectly, and as soon as I read this cute post by @sickromancer, I immediately thought of my favorite medical couple and this prompt, and here we are. Glad I could get this out before the end of the official holiday season. Sorry if you guys are sick of Christmas stuff. That was the holiday that worked best with my vision for this. This may not quite be what you asked for in the prompt, but I think it speaks to the intention anyway. I wrote this in like an hour and it’s barely proofread, so forgive any errors, and also forgive the ending since I couldn’t figure out where to stop it. It is also so sappy and sickly sweet, but that’s all I ever want to write for Shmolly. So warning for that I guess lol.

This house party was standing room only, so everyone was forced into a perpetual state of milling around, snacking and small talking. Events like this were Molly’s worst nightmare, and it was so full here that there was no hope of finding a corner in which to hide even for a little bit. To make matters worse, Molly was also sick. It had been coming on for a few days, but only those who knew her best had been able to tell until recently. It had progressed to being visible to the rest of the world less than eight hours ago, and the timing of this fancy Christmas party couldn’t be worse in that regard.

Sarah, Molly’s best work friend, lingered near the dark-haired woman, ready to swoop in and intervene if Molly started to get that uncomfortable, panicky look her friend knew all too well. Sarah was only here because Molly had asked her to be, and Molly was only here because Shane had asked her to be. However, since Shane was busy playing the role of ‘charismatic up-and-coming young doctor’ elsewhere in the house, someone had to keep an eye on Molly and keep her from going crazy. Molly was fine for now, though, chatting with the hostess about books. In fact Sarah wished someone would swoop in and save her instead. With nothing better to do, she listened idly to Molly’s conversation, nibbling the food from her tiny plate.

“I’ve actually been on a classics kick lately, reading and rereading those books from those ‘Books You Need to Read Before You Die’ lists. I just read The Alchemist for the first time and found it really interesting,” Molly was saying happily, though Sarah heard her audibly sniffling. “I really loved– sorry, just a moment…” Molly turned away awkwardly, dabbing at her nose and giving a half-hearted blow in an attempt to do damage control while doing her best not to spoil her makeup. “Sorry, I think I’m coming down with something. Me and the rest of the world, right? Just in time for Christmas.”

The hostess laughed merrily. “Jim just got over a cold a day or two ago too. It’s that time of year unfortunately, and health care workers take the brunt of it. But back to the classics, I also loved the Alchemist. Such a simple story, yet he managed to impart so much depth and meaning.”

Sarah sighed, tuning out again. Molly was clearly settling in for a long chat, rhinovirus and all. Good for her. It was dull to listen to people talk about books you’ve never read, however. By now her plate was empty, so Sarah began to maneuver her way back to the kitchen for something else to snack on, and maybe some punch.

In the kitchen, she ran into none other than Shane, almost literally. He was standing in the doorway, talking loudly to some other young doctors, all of them holding cocktails. Shane of course had the floor, and Sarah didn’t have time to catch what he was talking about before he paused suddenly, then lurched forward into a muffled sneeze, crushed into the napkin he was holding. He sprang up as the others chuckled, scrubbing at his nose.

“... and I have a fucking cold,” he groaned, clearly playing up his misery for the laughs. Sarah couldn’t help but laugh too, slipping past them on her way to the punch bowl. So that’s where Molly had caught her cold. Or had it been the other way around? That was one of the few benefits of being single, Sarah thought to herself as she loaded up another tiny plate. At least there wasn’t anyone to swap germs with constantly.

~~~

The party had ended, they had dropped Sarah off at her apartment, and Shane and Molly had made their way back to the condo. Shane had gone immediately to the bedroom to remove his tie and stiff shirt and shoes. He expected Molly to be right behind him, but when he had fully changed into pajamas and she still hadn’t joined him, he went in search of her.

His lovely wife hadn’t made it out of the living room and was instead sitting on the arm of the couch, staring at the Christmas tree, the twinkling lights illuminating the otherwise dark room, sparkling and shimmering off of everything, especially her glittery red dress. It was a breathtaking sight, and Shane had to be a part of it. He padded to her side and looped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his embrace willingly, though she didn’t take her eyes off the tree.

“Whatcha thinkin’, love?” he murmured, his lips brushing her hair.

“I’m thinking that I’m actually starting to like holidays again thanks to you,” she said, her voice almost as hoarse and gravelly as his. She turned to look at him with a tired-eyed smile, the dim light somehow accenting her red, chapped nose, which also matched what he had seen in the mirror. “I’m thinking I love string lights. We should put them up year round. And I’m thinking I really, really hate colds.”

How could she say so much in so few words? Shane could only marvel at her, unsure whether to laugh or cry. He settled for a soft chuckle, but the sound caught in his throat and became a cough instead, which somehow covered both bases nicely. “Yes to the year round string lights. And I’m sorry I gave you my cold.” In a fluid motion, he pulled her onto his lap and took her place on the couch arm, wrapping his arms around her securely. “And I’m honored that I get to spend the rest of my life helping you like holidays again. It’s a responsibility I will never take for granted.”

The last part was whispered into her ear as she nuzzled her cheek against his. They remained just like that for a long time, their breathing in sync, letting the peace of the moment wash over them.

However, eventually their shared cold demanded attention once more. Shane freed one of his arms to dig in his pocket for a tissue, pressing it to his nose just in time to stifle a sneezing fit, taking great care to avoid sneezing directly on the woman in his lap.

“Bless you, hon,” Molly murmured once he was finished, kissing his cheek.

“Thanks,” he sniffled, scrubbing the back of his hand under his nose since the tissue was now useless. “I hope we didn’t pass this along to anyone at the party.”

“I hope so too,” Molly sighed. “It just figures. This is the first time I’ve gone to a Christmas party in years, and I have a cold, which I probably ended up giving to the hospital CFO’s wife.”

“If you did it won’t set in for a few days, meaning she won’t be sick for Christmas. Unlike us.” He checked his watch. “Speaking of which… Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Merry Christmas.” They shared a tender kiss.

When they broke apart, Molly was smiling mischievously. “Whatever Christmas present you got me better be pretty damn good to make up for this awful gift you already gave me,”

“First of all, I always get you amazing presents. So yes, your Christmas present is pretty damn good. But secondly, you knew I was getting sick a few days ago and you still kept kissing me like you always do. I think that means the blame falls totally on you. And this gift isn’t all bad anyway. We get to cancel all the plans we want to for the next few days and stay home in our pajamas. Sounds pretty good to me.”

“You know what… you make a good point.” Molly dug out her own tissue just then, wiping and blowing her nose thoroughly. “I miss being able to breathe through my nose, though.”

“Me too. Maybe Christmas hot chocolate will help.”

“Hot chocolate always helps. And I can’t think of a better way to spend the midnight between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's very Auld Lang Syne.”

“All for you, my dear,” Shane murmured, brushing his lips over her ear once more.

#my ocs #shmolly ocs #answered asks #prompt fill #sickfic #tooth rotting fluff #holiday sickfic #idk why I can't do long form right now but whatever #I'll keep writing drabbles as long as I have prompts for them #kinda love how this came out especially with how little time it took #but then again I always love shmolly stuff #ask box story

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piqued-curiosity · 1 year

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What would you say being GNC is? I saw your post about butch/femme and I do agree that many people treat it like some sort of gender role but for lesbians.

I've seen people talk about GNC lesbians but I haven't really seen people explain? Can you be GNC if you don't wear make-up and don't shave but do wear earrings and comfortable dresses?

Personally I only wear comfortable clothing and shoes. Whether those are hiking shoes or shoes with a small square heel, or trousers or a comfy dress. I don't wear foundation but I have tinted lipbalm and when I still used make-up I only ever used a bit of eyeshadow. I used to have very short hair but now it's long because I constantly had to go to the hairdresser, and it's less hassle to just let it grow for me.

Like, I understand wearing dresses and having long hair is considered gender conforming... but do you get what I mean? Can you only be GNC if you dress "masculine"?

I think it’s a very relative term that’s going to vary based on personal experience.

For example, a woman who grew up in a family and community that wasn’t so strict about gender roles, might not feel like she’s not conforming when she doesn’t wear makeup, doesn’t shave, and wears a suit. If she’s gone her whole life never being challenged for this, it makes sense that it would just be normal to her and she wouldn’t consider it GNC.

On the flip side, a woman who grew up in an environment that harshly enforced gender roles, might feel like she’s not conforming by doing even the smallest thing, like not wearing makeup, or wearing pants instead of a skirt, or cutting her hair. Because of her upbringing, any one action that rebels against what was enforced will feel like an act of non-conformity, and she might refer to herself as GNC because of that.

I also think it’s a hard thing to measure, because there’s so many individual things that can be considered GNC, and then mixed and matched. On the surface; not wearing makeup, not wearing “feminine” clothes, having short hair, etc. Below the surface: being assertive, being confident, not making yourself small for others, etc. So what do we do with that? Do we treat it like a DSM diagnosis and say “you need to be doing at least [X number] of these before calling yourself GNC”? Do we not do that, and call even the most gender-conforming woman GNC because she wore pants?

And yes, I absolutely get what you mean. Personally, I’m kind of like you where I conform in some areas, but don’t conform in others. I’m comfortable in tights and a t-shirt, which I consider very neutral, I can’t really call it “feminine” or GNC because it’s just what I’ve always been comfortable in, with no gender roles attached. I don’t shave, I don’t wear makeup. Everyone can agree those aspects of me are GNC (especially my mother who is not happy about it lol). I’m loud, confident, and I at least try to be assertive. That’s considered by most to be GNC. I’m working on other similar areas, like the habit of saying “sorry” too much or being the one to move out of the way for another. But I keep my hair very long (around butt length). So does that cancel everything out? Or is it just one area I’m conforming in?

So I guess I don’t really have an answer to what “GNC” is…because I don’t really think there’s one single way to be GNC. I think the line is drawn at the impact the non-conformity has. So to use the example of the hyper-feminine woman in pants again…she’s not GNC, because those pants have such a little impact when they’re being overshadowed by her conformity in all other areas. But an unshaven, barefaced woman in a dress and sneakers, I’d consider that GNC because the rejection of shaving, makeup, and impractical footwear overshadows the dress. And then bonus points for short hair, “masculine” personality traits, etc.

#asks #anon

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therickedkid · 6 months

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The Morning Routine( broke Edition)

Makeup and skin care have been a hype amongst the gen z and the millennials these days.

Both of them are equivalently important depending upon your point of view

Makeup has been perceived very inappropriately by the consumers because of some false internet trends and indirect beauty standards which haven’t been scripted anywhere

For me makeup is

Tools for enhancing an individual’s natural glow by applying products matching their skin tone using Color theory .

Skin care on the other side is important for maintaining your natural skin with respect to the environment we live in . And it’s an essential investment to be done for a healthier skin in long term .

Why have I named this routine THE BROKE EDITION?

Skin care and makeup is for all and thanks to social media people are breaking the barriers .

But makeup for all should be ‘For Everyone’ in economic sense too !

This is a fact that quality and brand name goes hand in hand in the beauty industry but nobody talks about the price point in India .

500 rupees if you spend for your makeup and skin care you barely get any good products.

So does this mean everyone should stop having a routine if it doesn’t fit in the budget?

NO !

In this routine I’ve picked out products that are budget friendly and effective quality wise

And this routine is simple and time saving .

Note - my skin type is Dry and blackhead prone so I’ve used the products accordingly. Before following any kind of routine you see online beaware of your Skin type !

STEP 1

Take an ice cube and gently apply it all over your face in circular motion for 30 seconds

This will tighten your skin and prep it for the steps ahead and wake you up ! It also helps with the puffiness under the eyes

STEP 2

Washing your face or cleansing is really important in order to keep your skin clean and clear free from bacteria and clogged pores

For this step I’m going to use

Nivea Face wash

This face wash is good because it comes in different variants according to your preferred skin type and it has micro beads in it which gives mild exfoliation to your skin

Take a pea sized amount of the product on the palm of your hand

Mix it up with a drop or two of water

Rub it between the two palms

It will form a lather

Gently apply it on your face and neck and massage it in circular motion for about 30 seconds

Rinse it off and pat dry

STEP 3

Moisturising your skin is important to keep it hydrated and soft

I use the Nivea crème moisturizer because it’s lightweight and non sticky

Step 4

This step is optional but necessary if you’re a person who often gets sunburns

I apply this Himalaya Aloe Vera face gel to prevent sun burns as I’m out for a longer period of time and sometimes I do tend to forget to reapply my spf and this really helps with that

You can also use this step other way around

You can cut the aloe Vera leaf from the plant you grow at home or somewhere nearby if you find

You can extract the get from the leaf by cutting it in cross section

You can directly apply it on your skin

Or freeze it up and apply on your skin as a prep just like the first step !

STEP 5

Living in India most of the time we’re exposed to the sun and its harmful UV rays . Our skin is vulnerable to it and therefore it’s important to protect our skin with SPF or sunscreen

I use the Photostable sunscreen because it suits me . You can use the one which suits your skin but make sure the sunscreen does not leave a white cast on your face after application

STEP 6

As I mentioned earlier for me makeup is enhancing your natural skin

So I’m gonna use a tinted moisturiser of maybelline newyork in shade 05

Shake the bottle really well and take a pea size amount of the product

Use your fingertips and gently blend the product in your under eyes or wherever you feel like

STEP 7

I’m gonna take my liquid lipstick or you can use a drugstore tinted lip balm like this Lakmé lip balm

Take a little bit of product on your fingertips and apply it on your cheekbones and nose you may apply on your eyes and lips too !

STEP 8

I really love putting mascara on my lashes but all of the mascaras I have used till date be it the high end or drugstore , at a point when you sweat , it spreads across your eyelids and under eyes

So I’m gonna take some Vaseline and apply it over my lashes

This naturally adds the lifting effect on my eye

STEP 9

Hydrating your lips is super super important so a lip balm or something as simple as coconut oil can be applied on your lips

I use the Nivea lip balm for it

STEP 10

Voila the routine is complete almost…..one last thing , affirmation !

Just look in the mirror say it out loud

"I’m Enough , I’m worthy and beautiful"

Hope you enjoyed reading my routine !

#followme #positivity #loveyourself #self care #skincare #im broke

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sensitiveeeeee · 11 months

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Quietly Acknowledging my Accomplishments

It has been 9 years and really my whole life working for this. This program was so transformational, and I am so glad I got to experience it with such amazing people these past 3 years. And it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through it.

This graduation means a lot to me because it isn’t just about getting to the end of this really difficult clinical psych program. It’s about finally having the career I want. I didn’t even feel like celebrating my undergrad graduation at the time because I was still so far from my goal of being a psychologist and helping people in a way that best suited me. But more than that, it’s about getting through everything that I had to do beforehand to be able to even be in school.

I think back to the very beginning, being 18 and going to a community college because it’s all I could afford for myself (no shame in that at all) and being in a miserable job where I was treated like a dumb kid (because I was a dumb kid, to be fair), having no idea who I was, losing/distancing from friends because I couldn’t have “the fun college experience” with them, and most impactful, getting into jobs in the psych feild where I really had to see and hear some shit and sometimes literally take punches from people experiencing something that was beyond their control, trying to protect them from themselves and from each other.

I’m thinking back to my black eye from years ago because it’s important to me to remember the ugliness that had to come with the good. There were a lot of ugly, terrifying moments that are too much to talk about, but that was probably the best physical reflection of it that I could capture.

There were beautiful moments too, like seeing a girl’s face light up from looking in the mirror after doing her makeup for fun in that inpatient facility that was often so sad and scary, other girls asking me to do their makeup or “getting in line” for me to draw them a picture, being able to keep them company and provide words of encouragement or coping skills to overcome urges to self-harm, laughing at things they said because so many were the funniest, brightest people, laughing and crying with coworkers and being inspired by their strength to lead and continue in that amazing work. People in that particular job and the one I had before continue to inspire me. I don’t really have pictures of the priceless moments that made me stay for years, but they will always be in my mind.

Confidence has always been my weakest area, and I had a lot of growing pains that really sucked, but I can say I’m proud of the person I am now as I come out on the other side. Looking back, I did THAT. I started out at 18 knowing absolutely nothing. I paid my way through school. I got out of this notoriously rigorous program with a 4.0 all semesters and got honors in undergrad while working very intense jobs because I wanted to do something meaningful in the field as soon as I could, while also fighting my own battles with mental illness and learning how to treat them myself. Ironically, I have never been helped by therapy, either because empirically supported treatments weren’t being utilized or I simply couldn’t afford it. But this program was like therapy. By learning from it, I slowly learned how to heal myself.

Pride feels very eventful when shame has been your default for so long. It’s very weird to say, but soon, once I pass the licensure test, I will be a psychologist. I am forever grateful to the psychologists and professors who guided me and told me they believed in me, and my classmates who struggled and grew with me. I’ll never forget how we leaned on one another.

I’ve changed over and over again throughout the years in my perspectives, beliefs, and opinions and still am. While I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting myself, I can say I am so proud of my grit and my open mind. I’m proud of going through everything while being a very sensitive, soft person. I’m proud of doing this despite not believing I could, knowing I’d have to work harder because of my ADHD. And I’m proud of that thing inside me that made me do all this, the desire to help people find what is in them to ease their own mental suffering.

I almost cried when my professor, a pretty stoic man, who I consider to be a genius, said to me a couple weeks ago, “It has been really rewarding to watch you blossom into a more confident version of yourself. You are smart and talented, and I’m glad future students can learn from your written work and you can help so many people.” That was kind of a full circle moment for that little girl who was in title I and struggled with a learning disability. This has been one giant full circle. Even if things are still hard, I think just the act of doing this for myself was worth it.

I thought of writing this as “self-aggrandizing” in the beginning. To be fair, this is a giant self-congrats. But it feels like it’s time to openly give myself credit for once after almost a decade, never stopping to take it in and allow myself to consider all I’ve done. I have always been a skeptical person, and I feel like, over time, something broken inside me healed by proving my shame wrong with evidence.

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theemanyfacesofeve-blog · 2 years

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Are you missing the most important step in your makeup routine?

The most important step in Makeup

As with most things in life it’s all about being prepared and makeup is no different. The Number one thing you need to do before you start your makeup application is … Skincare/skin prep.

You may have seen that meme that says the best foundation that you can wear is good skin, well it’s actually true. One of the most important parts of makeup application is the skin prep you do before you even start putting on the makeup.

First thing is to start with a clean face. I like to start with a freshly cleansed face meaning that even if I’ve been out and about with no makeup on and then decide to do makeup later, I do a fresh cleanse with a good skin cleanser first. You’ve been out around cars, pollution etc. so you want to make sure you remove all the impurities and start with a freshly cleansed skin.

Next for me is toner, not everyone likes to use toner (you don’t have to) but I like to use it to help restore the PH of my skin so that’s always my second step. I use a mattifying one because I have combination/oily skin but obviously you use one that’s right for your skin type. If you use special treatments serums etc., this is the time to layer them on, making sure to give them a bit of time to be absorbed into your skin, a minute or so will do.

Then its time for a good moisturizer. As far as your skin is concerned moisturizer keeps moisture in, but for makeup moisturizer is also important because it helps your makeup go on smoothly. You can test this by putting some moisturizer on the back of your hand and then apply foundation to the part with and without moisturizer, the difference is night and day. if you have mature skin like me, you really need that moisture to help the skin look soft and supple and and also to reduce the chance that product is going to settle into the fine lines on your face and accentuate any lines and wrinkles. We definitely don’t want that!

NO matter what skincare you use the final step should ALWAYS be Sunscreen. Sunscreen is the number one antiaging skincare. Sunscreen reduces your chances of skin cancer, helps with hyperpigmentation and helps reduce the rays’ effects on your skin so you get less fine lines and wrinkles. Yay Sunscreen! Remember to use sunscreen every day and not just when it is sunny, even on overcast days the rays still affect your skin.

Other skin prep can include face primer which also helps make your makeup go on more smoothly and gives a professional look to your foundation. Now these come in all different types like mattifying or hydrating, they even have primers that help reduce the look of large pores as well, find one to suit your skin type that addresses your concern.

And last but not least is eye primer. You apply eye primer on your eye area to help eyeshadow adhere to your lids, makes the area smoother for eyeshadow application and it also helps make your eye shadow colors pop. You don’t have to use one but I suggest you try doing your makeup with and without one and see if you see the difference in the color payoff of your eyeshadow; eye primer was a game changer for me when doing my eye looks.

I know it sounds like a lot but it literally takes about 5 minutes to do and it’s worth it. You’re probably thinking I have to do all that to put on makeup? Lol But honestly when it comes to make up your skin is your canvas so the better you take care of the canvas and the smoother it is the better the art, or in our case the makeup is going to look. Plus, you’ll have great skin and who doesn’t want that?

I hope you find this information helpful

#makeup #makeup routine #skincare #makeup tips #makeuptips #skinprimer #skinprep #makeup application #howtoapplymakeup #eyeshadow #skin cleanser #moisturizer #makeupsecrets

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earlgreydream · 3 years

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time for us.

| loki x reader | angst | fluff |

anon requested. loki has been working a lot lately and hasn’t really had anytime for the reader and he completely forgets about their anniversary and she doesn’t tell him for a couple of days but then he snaps at her and they have a huge argument

a/n: this doesn’t have any spoilers for the show— just mention that Loki works for the TVA (which isn’t canon at the time of me writing this)

You loathed Loki’s new job, working for the Time Variance Authority.

Ever since Loki began at the TVA, they’d managed to occupy nearly all of his time and energy, leaving little to none left for you. Your relationship was strong, but only a few weeks of work had put a strain on the two of you.

He’d become more short tempered, and easily agitated. You tried to be patient, but little things seemed to antagonize you, and soon every small thing was becoming huge.

Above all, you hated to fight with Loki. You bottled up your frustration, shoving them down inside of you and keeping them hidden and locked away. Your limited time with Loki was precious, and you didn’t want to poison it with your annoyance. However, it was doing damage that you hadn’t yet comprehended, building a pressurized weapon that was bound to explode.

It took weeks, but the explosion came.

Loki had been so caught up in work that he missed your anniversary. It had escaped his mind entirely, passing like any other day. He was distracted by variants running wild, and the need to please his new boss. He felt responsible for things that were going wrong, and he had put your relationship on the backburner.

You’d been certain he’d take you out during the night, or at least do something to acknowledge the anniversary of your love, but you’d been dead wrong. You waited at home as hours passed, and when his normal arrival time had long passed, the pain in your chest grew until your entire body was throbbing with hurt.

You took your makeup off, along with the pretty dress you wore-- the green one that your husband adored.

Loki had stayed late at work, taking overtime and showing up just before ten. You were so hurt you could hardly speak, but Loki’s mind was too muddled with work to even notice. You were already in bed when he returned home, and he’d kissed your forehead and gone to sleep with less than five words leaving his lips.

You laid awake in bed that night, staring at the wall. You should have told Loki you were angry, said something then and at least gotten it in the open. But you shoved it down with everything else— every other hurt and grievance and annoyance that poisoned you.

“Can you set that down, please?” You asked, four days later. You tried to keep your tone even, but you were impatient. The bite in your words was all you could do to keep from tearing the file from his delicate hands.

Loki was in the kitchen, his face buried in a variant case file. He was supposed to be helping you make dinner, but you were dismissed and cast aside once again as his work outshined you.

“I’m working, Y/N! It’s important. Don’t you want me to get paid so you can have your pretty things?” Loki snapped, shocking you.

“No!” You screamed, slamming the cabinet door shut.

He stared at you, turquoise eyes wide in shock at your outburst. He dropped the file on the counter, a harsh glare adorning his stunning face.

“No, Loki! I don’t fucking care about the pretty things. I don’t even know that I care about YOU!” The words were coming out before you could stop them.

“You don’t care about me?! All I ever do is for you!” Loki met your anger, matching your energy and only fueling the fire of rage that was building in your stomach.

“You’re such a selfish liar! You don’t give a fuck about me, Loki! You’re in a relationship with your bullshit job, you don’t give a damn about me! All of your time and your energy... and fuck, even your kindness goes to the stupid fucking TVA!! There’s nothing left for me, and I don’t want your scraps!” You shoved him back when he took a step toward you.

“I’m selfish? You’re needy and dramatic! You’re a spoiled brat, acting out when not every ounce of my attention is being given to you. What, you’re mad that I didn’t help you make this salad? Grow up, Y/N!” Loki’s hateful words poured out, tasting like acid in his mouth.

“No! I’m mad that you forgot our anniversary and that you haven’t seen how much you’ve hurt me!” Tears burned as they streamed down your face, blurring your vision that was bleeding at the edges.

Loki’s lips parted, and realization suddenly crossed his features. He took a step back, recognizing his anger had spiraled out of control, and that your anger was justified.

“I didn’t mean it… I do care about you, I just want you to care about me.” Your voice broke, and shaky hands went to your mouth, stifling a sob. Guilt swelled in Loki’s chest as he saw you fall apart, unable to bear the weight of your anger.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know how I’ve forgotten. Please, my love, forgive me,” Loki’s tone softened, and he knelt down to his knees before you.

He didn’t care about the messy floors ruining his perfect suit, nothing mattered to him then except for you.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, I just miss you,” you were weeping, unable to hold the sobs at bay.

“It’s okay, scream and cry if you need to, but know I love you more than anything and I am terribly, terribly sorry.”

Loki gently pulled you forward, closing his arms around you. His forehead rested against your stomach, and you laid your hands on top of his head.

“I know. I know,” you stammered in shaky breaths. Your fingers trembled as you dragged them through his hair, overwhelmed with every emotion that washed over you all at once.

You got home from work, a couple of days after your fight. You had both apologized, easing the tension over. Loki hadn’t stopped apologizing, even when you promised him it was okay. It had been better since-- you weren’t keeping secrets or harboring anger, and you felt exceedingly better in the aftermath of your fight.

You walked into your master suite, considering a hot bath or a shower after your day. You were lost in your thoughts as you kicked your shoes off, before turning to the bed. A dress was laid out on the end of the bed, glittery heels and jewelry in a box beside it. Loki wasn’t home, but a note was attached, telling you to get dressed and he’d meet you.

You smiled, lifting the black cocktail dress. You changed, fixing your hair and makeup in the mirror. Your day at work had been long, and you didn’t know what Loki had in store for you, but you were excited.

The lock clicked open on the door, signaling the arrival of your husband. You stepped into the foyer to greet him, met with Loki in an all-black suit. A grin spread across his expression as he noticed you, making warmth bloom in your chest.

“You look-” you both started at the same time.

You smiled and tilted your head, letting him speak.

“You look beautiful,” Loki spoke softly before giving you a kiss.

“Thank you. You look sharp. What’s the occasion, what are we doing?”

“I’m so sorry I missed our anniversary. I thought we could celebrate us tonight.”

You broke into a grin, nodding excitedly.

“Yes. Yes, let’s do it.”

“Of course. Let me set my things down,” he kissed your cheek and stepped into your master, cleaning up and dropping his bag.

You were driven to a fancy restaurant, one hand in Loki’s as the other smoothed over the wheel of his black sports car. He dropped the keys with a valet, and you were escorted to a table in the back of the place.

“Wine, Mrs. Laufeyson?”

“Please,” you nodded, and the waiter poured you a glass of sparkling pink moscato.

“I’ve gotten us a suite at the resort in the city. I have a bag packed for you in the car, I thought we could enjoy a weekend away. You deserve it,” Loki brought your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

“You’re spoiling me,” you giggled, sipping your wine.

“As I should be.”

Elaborate French dishes were brought out on gorgeous plates, looking like something from a food blog. It tasted divine, and Loki told you some history about the dish from some time he was living or traveling in Paris. You listened to his animated stories, thinking about how you were so in love with him.

“Why’re you staring at me like that?” Loki laughed softly, spooning sorbet into your mouth.

“Because I love you. And you’re charming and cute when you get excited,” you confessed with a grin.

“I love you too. I’m sorry about everything,” he apologized.

“It’s okay. We’re past it. Time moves forward for us.”

Loki nodded, leaning forward and smearing a kiss over your temple before retrieving your car from the valet.

“To the hotel?” he asked, sliding his hands over your hips and kissing your neck as you waited.

“Okay,” you giggled, squirming in his arms.

He squeezed your bum, making you gasp before opening the door for you, helping you into the passenger seat.

When you arrived at the hotel, there was a bouquet of roses on the table, and candles burning around. He kissed the back of your head, setting your bag down for you.

“Let me make this up to you,” his voice was deep as he unzipped your dress.

“Please,” you smiled, turning in his arms and pulling him into a heated kiss.

#earl grey loki #loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki angst #loki fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki imagine #loki oneshot #loki disney+#marvel #marvel au #avengers #avengers au #female reader

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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Mine Again - Harry Styles

a/n: this is something i just thought about after my nap today lol, so enjoy this treat, a classic exlovers to lovers fic!

pairing: Harry x Famous!Reader

word count: 3.4k

masterlist

Seeing an ex is never easy. Whether it’s by your choice or not. Working together with an ex is even harder and now you brought a situation on yourself where this is your reality.

Arriving to the studio of The Late Late show you immediately get escorted to your designated dressing room where a hair and makeup artist are already waiting for you. Today you are here to promote your new movie, Don’t Worry Darling with your onscreen lover, Harry Styles, however, what no one else in the building knows is that once the two of you were real life lovers.

Your romance blossomed during filming, having spent so much time together on set, it didn’t take long for a relationship to form between you and him, the chemistry you shared was immense and undeniable, anyone could see that and you felt like you were burning in a bonfire of the most intense feelings you’ve felt for any man. It was passionate and intoxicating, it felt like something that could only happen in movies, but it was your reality.

However filming ended and you were forced to go your separate ways, you both tried hard to keep what you had and though your feelings never changed, distance brought the worst out of the both of you. Six months after you became an item, you mutually agreed to break it off.

You haven’t seen him since then, meaning that it’s been five torturous months without having any contact with him and now that promo has officially kicked in, you are forced to travel around and make appearances with the man you love, yes, still love more than anyone on this Earth. Not even five months and absolutely no contact could change your feelings for him, however he might already be over you at this point, having forgotten about feelings and memories you still hold close to your heart.

How has he been doing? What is he like now? Has he been thinking about you? Does he miss you? What is it going to be like to see him for the first time?

The questions flood your mind as you sit in the chair and let the professionals work their magic on you, covering up the dark circles under your eyes that formed due to the sleepless night you had the day before, nonstop thinking about Harry and what it’ll be like to see him for the first time again.

After careful elimination, you choose a dress for the appearance, it’s tight and short, the fabric is covered in glittering sequins down your body and the long sleeves as well and while the dress covers a lot up from the waist, it makes up in the lack of length on your legs as the end of it barely reaches the upper part of your thighs, ending it black feathers that tickle your freshly shaven legs. The nude heels add even more to them, making you appear like you could hit the runway any moment when in reality you are not high enough to be a model.

There’s still some time until the taping starts, James drops by to say hello and tell you how excited he is to have you and Harry on tonight and you chit-chat for a little before you go to take a quick business call outside. When you’re done with that, you head back to your dressing room to take a few quick photos to post later, but right as you near your destination, a door swings open down the hallway and Harry steps out, wearing a black suit, of course, head to toe Gucci. The crispy grey shirt’s first few buttons are left undone, allowing you a glimpse of his toned chest and his necklace with the tiny cross pendant on it.

He looks good. No, he looks absolutely stunning, just like he always does and just the sight of him takes your breath away, forcing you to stop in your tracks when you lay your eyes at him. He spots you as well, stopping to take a look at you before you see a small smile on his perfect pink lips.

“Y/N, hi! You look… gorgeous,” he speaks up lowly, his eyes raking your body up and down.

“I, uhh—Thanks!” you breathe out, feeling already flustered. How are you gonna survive the interview, sitting next to him, talking about what it was like to play a married couple?!

His hand moves a bit and there’s a moment of awkwardness, neither of you really knowing what to do, last time you saw each other you kissed as your hellos, but now it’s not an option, obviously. At last, he moves forward and goes for a hug.

He envelopes you in his arms as you wrap yours around his neck, the warmth of his body bringing you a sense of home and it hits you hard how much you’ve missed him in these five months.

You swear he holds you just a second longer than what would be appropriate before his arms fall from around your frame and you force yourself to let go of him, though every fiber in you is protesting against it.

“How—How have you been?” he asks, his beautiful green eyes finding yours.

“I’m good. I’m good,” you nod. “What about you?”

“Same. Just the… usual stuff.”

“Writing music?” you ask with a soft smile. You still vividly remember those nights you spent together after a long day of filming, crashing at either his or your place and you often found him strumming his guitar in a corner, scribbling words down into his notebook. Sometimes he sang you the songs he came up with, sometimes he kept them to himself.

“Yeah, I’ve been writing a lot lately,” he admits with a shy smile.

Someone calls his name down the hallway and his head snaps up before looking back at you.

“I gotta go, but I’ll see you soon, right?”

“Yeah,” you nod, stepping aside so he can walk past.

“And you really look amazing, Y/N,” he calls after you one last time before jogging down the hallway.

You walk into your dressing room and shutting the door you lean your back against it, huffing heavily as you try to recollect yourself. Somehow, this encounter went really well, because the two of you were civil and respectful, but it was also a painful shock to see him in the flesh again. It was one thing to see pictures of him here and there, but actually meeting him, hugging him, talking to him… you need time to process it all.

Unfortunately, you don’t have much of that. Twenty minutes later you are walked to your spot behind the curtains from where you’ll walk out when James calls your name. Just as you arrive Harry appears as well, casually talking with one of the camera guys, having a laugh and just as he sees you, his eyes fall down your body again and you swear you see him gulp hard before turning his attention back to the man.

“Ready?” he asks upon walking up to you, a hand coming to rest on your lower back. Glancing over your shoulder you look down at his hand, lips parted at the feeling of his welcoming touch. He sees your glance and pulls his hand back quickly. “Sorry, it’s a habit, I guess,” he mumbles, blushing softly.

“It’s fine,” you smile. Of course it’s fine, for what you care, he could throw you over his shoulder like a cave man and run out of the building, you wouldn’t say a word. You want his touch on your body, you’ve been craving it since the moment you last saw him, but are you even allowed to admit it? You have no idea what he is thinking or feeling, you can’t just come right at him like that.

Harry fixes the lapels of his suit jacket, but what he doesn’t see is that the collar of his shirt is kind of stuck under the jacket.

“Your shirt is… let me fix it,” you breathe out and he turns to face you, letting your delicate hands fix his outfit, perfecting the look to the tiniest bit. “There, you look great,” you smile, your hands sliding down his chest before they fall to your sides again.

“Thank you,” he nods smiling back at you before offering an arm that you take gladly. He knows how much you hate high heels and that you are always scared of tripping and falling and being the gentleman that he is, he’ll be the support you need.

The taping soon starts and the two of you stand patiently behind the curtain as James introduces you.

“And now, please welcome the stars of the upcoming hit movie, Don’t Worry Darling! Ladies and gentlemen, Y/N Y/L/N and Harry Styles!”

The crowd starts clapping and cheering as the curtain moves and the two of you walk in, arms linked and Harry makes sure to slow down when you walk down the few little stairs. James welcomes the both of you with two kisses before everyone takes their place, James behind his desk, you and Harry sitting on the couch.

“Thank you so much for dropping by tonight, guys!” James smiles at the two of you.

“Thank you for having us,” Harry nods with a soft smile.

“You both have been guests on the show separately, but tonight you are here as a pair, since your latest movie, Don’t Worry Darling is hitting the theaters this weekend. How are you feeling about that, excited to see the film finally?”

“Very excited,” you nod with a smile. “I can’t wait to see the final version, because obviously we only know the version we envisioned while filming, but the actual movie is going to be something else.”

“Y/N, your role in the movie was originally handed to Florence Pugh who had to step back because she broke her arm,” James points out and you nod.

“Yes, I stepped in her place just about a week before production started and if I’m being honest I was scared that people would prefer to see her in the role, but I had a talk with her actually and she said she helped Olivia, the director to pick out the person to take her place and she said she instantly knew I would be perfect for it, so I trust her.”

“That’s amazing to hear, that the two of you didn’t have any rivalry going on,” James enthuses.

“She actually visited set a few times,” Harry chimes in and you nod.

“Yeah, we had a great time together.”

“Sounds like a lot of fun, the three of you together,” James chuckles. “So, the two of you play a married couple in the film and if I’m not mistaken you didn’t know each other beforehand. Was it hard to get into the roles with not much background on each other?”

“We met up a few times before filming started to get to know each other more and I think we hit it off right away, so it wasn’t hard for me,” Harry speaks up and you nod along.

“It was obviously a little different situation than when you meet someone and become friends, because as we got to know each other more, we had to go through scenes that were meant for a couple that was already years into their relationship, but I think it strengthened our friendship,” you answer, hands laid flat on your bare thighs.

No lie has been told, everything you said was the truth. You just left out the part where you become real life lovers and started dating a month into production.

“Y/N, you’ve been acting for a while now, have quite a few roles under your belt, what did you think of Harry’s acting?”

“I think that he is a wonderful actor and I hope people will give him his much deserved credit for it. He is often still seen as just a silly singer from a former boy band and they don’t take him seriously when he really is a very talented man. You’ll see in the movie as well, his role was a tough one, needed a lot of work and a wide range of emotions, but I think he did an amazing job.”

You dare to glance at him at the end of your little speech and for a moment you forget about the audience, James and the cameras. He is looking at you with so much gratitude and thankfulness. You remember every talk you had where he opened up to you about wanting to be taken seriously in the acting business, that he is not trying to be just a joke and another failed attempt of a singer to try himself out in movies. He told you how scared he is of not being good enough when you saw him every day on set and you were blown by his eternal talent and special take on his role. He deserves to be praised, he deserves every bit of it.

“It was easy, I had a great partner to learn from,” he smiles softly and you feel the heat crawling up your neck.

“You two really have the chemistry we’ve heard so much about, I can’t wait to see it on the big screen!” James sighs. “Tell me a little about what it was like to film? You guys spent a lot of time together, must have made a lot of memories.”

You take a deep breath as all those memories mentioned flood your mind. You had the best time of your life not just with Harry, but with the whole crew. Leaving after production was wrapped really broke your heart.

“It didn’t even feel like working,” Harry starts. “We always joked around, had lunch or dinner together, we were like a big family. It was so nice to have so many amazing, talented and hard-working people around you all day.”

“The jokes never stopped,” you add chuckling.

“I wish I could have been on set!” James laughs wholeheartedly. “That didn’t happen, but we have a little something. The crew has put together a short BTS video of the filming, so let’s have a look at that,” he announces and the video starts playing on every screen in the studio.

It’s a short little montage, but it captures the vibes of filming just perfectly. Clips shown from set are not just of you and Harry, but all the other cast and crew members. Goofing around, having lots and lots of laughs, dancing on set, which happened quite often and just all of you having a great time. Some of the slips however pain your chest, the ones of you and Harry.

This was very early into your relationship, no one on set even knew you were together, but seeing yourself on the screen you can’t deny the sparkles in your eyes every time you were around him.

A clip shows the two of you between two takes, doing a goofy dance in the kitchen of the home that was used as the set of the house of your characters, you are both wearing your costumes, Harry looks great in his suit and your long retro dress is flowing around you with every movement you make. He grabs you by your waist and spins you before you end up in his arms laughing crazily, you were so happy, so carefree. You wish you could go back to that moment…

Another footage was taken in your trailer when Harry took the place of Clare, your makeup artist and tried to do your eyeliner but miserably failed. In the video, he is gently clasping your chin, angling your face for himself as his other hand is working on the line, but it’s wobbly and way too thick, so you both end up just laughing when you check yourself in the mirror.

And there are some small moments of the two of you, moving around on set, lying in bed between takes, sitting in your chairs while eating, just tiny memories you still cherish so much and wish to live through again, but it’s the past. And it wouldn’t hurt this much if you knew Harry from the video was still yours.

When the video ends you need to blink a few times as your eyes have watered a little. You catch Harry’s gaze and he looks worried, he clearly wants to ask if you’re okay, make sure it was just the sentimentality of the moment, but he doesn’t have the chance, the cameras are still rolling.

“That looked like so much fun! Next time make sure to invite me on set too!” James jokes and you force a laugh out of yourself.

A few questions are asked about future plans and just generally about your careers before the taping finally ends. You thank James for the invite again and a photo is taken of the three of you, you standing in the middle with the two men on your sides. When everything is settled, you head to your dressing room, using the chance to slip away silently while Harry is still chit-chatting on the set.

In the comfort and silence of the dressing room, you lean onto the vanity, staring at yourself in the mirror, finding it ironic that on the outside, you look perfectly fine, healthy and pretty, but on the inside… you could scream. You miss Harry so much, you hoped that your feelings for him have toned down a little over these five months, but it was just the same if not even worse.

A faint knock is heard on the door and you quickly fix yourself before calling out to the person outside. The door opens and for your surprise, Harry steps inside, closing the door behind him.

“Hey, you disappeared so fast,” he softly says.

“Yeah, I’m just… a little tired,” you lie, though you know exactly he can see right through you.

“Y/N, I saw that look in your eyes after the video…”

“What look?” you ask with a huff. “What do you want me to say, Harry?”

“The truth,” he answers. “I’m not James, don’t bullshit me.”

“You want the truth? I’ll give it to you, but don’t blame me if it’s uncomfortable for you,” you chuckle bitterly, throwing your hands into the air. “I’ve been miserable, Harry. I miss you so fucking much, seeing you today was like Hell. I really thought it would be easier, but now I’m stuck with going from one interview to the other with red carpet events all around the world, seeing you every day when I terribly miss you and it fucking sucks, because you might not even feel the sa—“

You don’t get to finish, because Harry crosses the distance between the two of you, his hands grab your face and pulls you into a hard and passionate kiss. His lips move perfectly against yours and it feels like he is trying to squeeze every missed moment from the past five months into the kiss, making you melt into his arms completely.

He is everywhere. He is all you can taste, you breathe him in, his hands are everywhere on your body and your chest is pressed tight against his as you wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into your embrace. Your tongues dance, teeth tugging and pulling on lips, it’s a whole mess, but it’s the most perfect mess you’ve ever been. He takes your breath away completely and you don’t even want it back if it means you can’t have him.

Harry pulls away first, both your chests heaving wildly from the heavy make-out session and he looks down at you with hooded eyes.

“If you think I haven’t missed you like crazy… you can’t be more wrong, baby. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I wanted to call you a thousand times and beg for you to come back to me, but I thought you already moved on.”

“Moving on?!” you huff with a tired smile. “Harry, I could never…”

“Alright, then I’m not letting you go again. No way you are walking out of this building without being mine again.”

A shiver runs down your spine at his words as you pull him down for another kiss, needing to feel his lips on yours.

“I never stopped being yours,” you whisper against his lips and he moans weakly before crashing his lips against yours again.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles x famous!reader #harry styles exlovers to lovers #harry styles blurb

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wh33zy · 2 years

Text

random SanUso headcanons I have for no reason (pt. 4)

-Sanji’s over-the-top doting and compliments eventually get bestowed upon Usopp not too long after they started dating. Usopp can’t tell him to stop because he finds out that he actually means it when he says stuff like “you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I would slay dragons for you”. Usopp thought they would end after a while, but no, at 50 years old, Sanji is still like “nothing brightens my day more than seeing you smile, not even the sun”.

-The equal exchange for teaching Usopp how to cook was teaching Sanji how to hunt. Sanji also has to play it cool so it doesn’t seem like it’s an excuse to hang out one-on-one. If there’s game out there, Usopp will find it, which has always been VERY useful. Most of it was learned through trial and error, as it was Usopp’s main source of food before/after his mother passed.

-Their major love language is making stuff for each other and you cannot tell me anything else

-Usopp’s artistic talents extend to facepaint and makeup, which is endlessly great for disguises. However, it has created this conversation every time it’s Sanji’s turn to get his face done: “You absolutely CANNOT kiss me while I do this. I will poke you in the eye!!” and “it’s just your waterline, stop being a baby.”

-You could insult Usopp and he’s like “tell me something I don’t know” but if you have something bad to say about Sanji, THEN PREPARE TO BE TAKEN TO JESUS. (This is frustrating to Sanji because he’s like “get mad at both!!!”) This also extends to Sanji's toxic family because Sanji is too good for them and how DARE they treat his man like that???

-Speaking of the previous one, when Usopp says something bad about himself, Sanji is like, “Don't talk about my friend like that, or I will kick your ass.” It works a little, Usopp is stubborn so it takes time.

-Sanji felt like Usopp understood him because Usopp’s impression of him was so spot-on. (And admittedly funny)

-Usopp has never had a traditional suit before, so Sanji helps him buy one and shows him how it’s supposed to fit. What he did not prepare for was how great Usopp looks in a suit and he just CANT get over it and crushes on him SO HARD. Dude nearly walked into a wall because he just can’t stop looking.

-Usopp can be a bit awkward and very shy when it comes to receiving/showing affection, especially when Sanji being super cool makes him a lil nervous, but he tries REALLY hard when he realizes how much Sanji is a giver. All that energy to make someone else feel good or special, but no one does that for him? Not on his watch! So cue the flowers, princess carry’s, and cheesy oneliners.

-Sanji struggled at first when he developed feelings for Usopp and found himself attracted to him (because he be straightening). This made him VERY moody for a while, especially when he was getting kinda jealous of Usopp always hanging out with Zoro more (for advice to keep the muscles and a workout buddy) and Sanji less. He hated the way he was feeling, so there were more snippy comments in Zoro’s direction than usual became normal until “what are you, jealous?” Silence. “wait- YOU ARE?? LOL-". It is THE WORST when your mortal frenemy finds out that you have a crush on the longnose and how you almost hate yourself for it.

-Sanji became over confident in being able to tell when Usopp is lying or sarcastic but still falls for the ones that have been done at his expense, for example, “OMG SANJI YOU DROPPED YOUR POCKET!??” | “DUDE WHER- oh. I hate you.�� | Another example, “Yeah, I can’t! I have to mop the ceiling and fold the dishes later.” | “Oh sure, I understa- NICE TRY! NO, SHITTY TRY.”

#one piece #vinsmoke sanji #usopp #sanuso #y'all really got me feeling sanuso again

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heytherejulietx · 3 years

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43 from the hand hold one with Jasper🥺

Send in some requests.

Jasper Hale - Raising the other’s hand to their lips to kiss it softly.

“Alice!” Y/N yelled, fighting against the smaller girl’s hold, though it was no use. Never in a million years would she be able to get out of a vampire’s grip; though especially not Alice’s. When she wanted something done, it was done.

“Will you stop squirming, I’m not going to kill you.” Alice snapped as she hauled Y/N over her shoulder causing her to scream, before she proceeded to carry her into the Cullen’s household, using her free hand to push open the door.

Y/N knew what she was up to. Alice was trying to get her to go to prom, which she had sworn against doing for ages. She’d told Jasper that they could just go and do something together instead of going to prom. It sounded horrifying; having to dance with her effortlessly elegant boyfriend whilst she stumbled and tripped around, making herself look foolish in front of the entire school and his family. She’d even told Alice hundreds of times that she didn’t want to go, but clearly she wasn’t having it.

“Y/N, what a lovely surprise.”

From where she was dangling over Alice’s shoulder she caught a glance of Carlisle stood by the doorway and glared at the doctor when she could see the amusement over his face.

“Can’t you get her to stop!” Y/N groaned, hitting Alice’s back, though clearly it did nothing to affect her.

“Sorry, we’ve been sworn not to help.” Carlisle held his hands up in surrender and stepped back into the living room, and Y/N cursed as Alice sped up the stairs, finally letting her down into the seat at her vanity.

“I hate you.” Y/N glared at Alice, who started moving around her bedroom to get different beauty products for her.

“No you don’t, you love me,” Alice responded in a sing-song voice as she started brushing through her hair, and Y/N didn’t even bother to make a run for it. She just knew she’d get carried back upstairs until she stayed there. “Besides, you won’t be with me very long. Jasper gets to keep you for the night.”

“Keep me? I’m not his pet.” Y/N rolled her eyes and sunk down in her seat, ignoring Alice’s laugh as she started to pull her hair back into a bun.

After almost a whole hour of Alice using her as a human Barbie doll she finished, walking Y/N over to the floor length mirror that she had on the other side of the room once she had let her step into her prom dress which Alice had bought her and refused to tell her the price of. She had to say, despite her reluctance for Alice to get her ready - and the amount of times she’d tried to duck away from her when she brought a makeup brush near her face, which ended in Alice holding her face still with another glare - she did look somewhat beautiful. Her hair was pulled back into a bun with a few loose strands framing her face, a dark blue flower clip holding it up that matched the colour of the dress she wore; a floor length dress that wasn’t too flashy, though still managed to have some sort of wow factor. Her makeup wasn’t as heavy as she thought Alice had made it, either, with just enough glam to match the style of the dress.

Alice had already gotten ready before she’d gone to kidnap Y/N, so she was stood behind her by the mirror in an equally glamorous dress which only the Cullens would show up to a high school prom in. Sighing Y/N fiddled with the lace of her dress, meeting Alice’s gaze in the mirror.

“You’re going to have fun, Y/N,” Alice told her, and when Y/N opened her mouth to protest she merely rolled her eyes and tapped the side of her head. “I’ve already seen it. I can see the future remember?”

“Thanks Alice.” She grumbled, and Alice tutted as she shook her head.

“I’m going to pretend that wasn’t sarcastic because we need to get going. Your Prince Charming is downstairs waiting for you. And don’t even try to run away, Y/N, because I will carry you the whole way there." Alice threatened, and Y/N believed her. She was scary when she was determined on something.

“I’m not going to run away. There’s no point trying in these stupid heels.” Y/N huffed, looking down at the shoes that could snap her ankle if she wasn’t careful. She’d definitely be holding onto Jasper all night so she wouldn’t fall.

Y/N took one last look at herself in the mirror, almost insecure at the thought of herself in comparison to her boyfriends effortlessly gorgeous family, before she turned and walked out of Alice’s room with the smaller girl right behind her.

Jasper was stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her, and how was she supposed to compare to him? He was absolutely flawless, a creature made to be that beautiful, and she was just his plain human girlfriend. She wasn’t even sure what he saw in her really. He was wearing a suit that didn’t even seem to have one crease in it, a dark blue tie that matched the colour of her dress around his collar. Alice must’ve picked it for him.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs she didn’t hesitate before stepping into his open arms, and sighed as she relaxed into the cold embrace. Never did she think that the cold would be so comforting.

“Stop it,” Jasper mumbled into her hairline, and it caused a blush to form over her cheeks when she realised her could feel her insecurity. He let his hands rest on her shoulders and pulled her back enough to look at her, her head having to tilt upwards to see him due to the height difference. “You’re beautiful, darlin’, stop comparing yourself.” Her face was flaming when his cold hand rested on her cheek, and she sighed as she leaned into the stone touch.

“Sorry, it’s kinda hard when my boyfriend looks like he’s been sculpted by the gods and I look like a child’s clay figure.” Y/N mumbled, causing his thumb to tap her cheek in reprimand to her words, shaking his head.

“What did I say?” He raised his eyebrows, and she rolled her eyes, though kept her mouth shut.

His hand left her cheek and not a moment later was he holding a corsage out towards her; the same colour as his tie and her dress. “Y/N,” Jasper started, a slight smirk over his lips as he knew what her answer would he already. “Will you go to the prom with me?”

“It’s not like I have any other choice,” She sighed, though yelped in surprise when Alice was suddenly beside her to pinch her arm. “I mean yes of course.” She corrected, and satisfied with her answer, Alice smiled and was gone again.

Jasper chucked at the interaction as he gently lifted her hand so he could gently slip the corsage into her wrist, securing it gently, before his cold fingers were grasping her’s and he lifted her hand to gently press his cold lips to the soft skin of the back of his hand.

She knew that he was still pretty reserved when it came to physical affection. Hugs he could handle, and gentle touches on her arm and back, though she knew his struggle with bloodlust so she knew that actual kisses were few and far between. Which she really didn’t mind, because touched like that, a kiss to the back of her hand, meant so much more - and sent butterflies fluttering through her stomach and a pink tint to settle over her cheeks.

Jasper must’ve felt the shift in her emotions because he smiled fondly and gave a gentle squeeze to her hand before he let it go again.

“Shall we?” He gestured to the door, which was now open as Alice left the house, sending Y/N a warning look as she did.

“We shall.” Managing a smile she linked her arm with his and allowed him to walk her out of the house towards the Cullen’s many expensive cars, managing to forget about any of her insecurities to just enjoy the night with her boyfriend. And not give Alice a reason to actually kill her.

#amber’s writing #twilight #jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #jasper hale x you #jasper hale x y/n #jasper hale fluff #jasper hale twilight #twilight jasper #twilight fanfiction #twilight imagines #twilight oneshot

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woos-lil-oreo · 3 years

Text

Love Scene

Pairing: Song Min Gi x Female! Reader

Word Count: approximately 3.1k words

Warnings: Slight Voyeurism???, Mentions of alcohol consumption, cursing/swearing, biting, spitting, Reader is a slight pillow princess, UNPROTECTED SEX (plastic wrap your peenie weenies), oral sex (fem receiving), fingering, slight use of pet names... I think that's it.

Author's Note: Most of this is a BIG self-indulgence XD and that Mingi gif always get me going... AnYwAyS, This fic is NSFW!!!! If you are uncomfy, do not read! If I miss anything, please tell me. If you wanna join the taglist, send me an ask and let me know. Don't steal... all that ✨ jazz ✨ music. Drink your water and enjoy my dirty lil harlots 😉

Taglist: @shusan @woowommy @ceopjy @joongsprincess @yunhofingers

Intro and Masterlist ✨

This is the happiest day of your life. You are dolled up in a beautiful snow-white dress decorated in speckled sequins and intricate rhinestone designs.

Your makeup is simple yet glamourous with a simple natural smoky eye with a shimmer in the inner corners. There is this aural glow of happiness around you, and you genuinely feel like a princess.

You are standing in front of your handsome fiancée with your hands holding each other, who is decked out in a simple black suit with a white dress shirt accented with a deep royal blue tie and shiny black Oxfords.

Hongjoong’s friend, Maddox, recites the point in the script where the vows would be repeated by you and your soon to be husband.

The vows. A spiritual binding of words that will connect the two of you until the end of eternity… or until you two get tired of each other, whichever comes first.

As you repeat after Maddox, Mingi’s eyes glisten with tears of joy. As much as he willed himself not to, one little miscreant of a tear dared to fall. You drop one of your hands to go wipe the tear stream off of his cheek.

The guests proceed to awe in adoration. Seonghwa fans his eyes to prevent his tears from falling, while Hongjoong is sporting a runny nose and a giant crocodile tear down his cheek, clinging to Seonghwa’s shoulder.

As you listen to Mingi recite his vows, tears start to well up in your eyes. You grip Mingi’s hand a little tighter to calm yourself because your makeup is beautifully done, and you’d be damned if you let a teardrop and a dried tear stain appear on your cheek. Jae-hee would have your ass. You got through the ceremony without tears!

“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” Maddox proclaims. You turn to Mingi, who now has one of the brightest smiles ever on his face, and he leaves a nice, sweet, lingering peck on your lips, still holding your hands.

“Oh, come on, you can do better than that!” Wooyoung screams out, earning himself a nice smack to the forehead from Yeosang. Wooyoung winces and rubs the spot while the guests laugh at their interaction and turn back to you when Mingi lets go of your hand and smirks.

Mingi pulls you to his chest, grabs you by the waist – pulling you close to him – and kisses you. As the kiss gets deeper, he places his hand on your cheek – steadying your head, and your hands work their way to the back of his head.

The crowd begins to root the two of you on, and Jae-hee screams out, “You guys are literally about to get a room!” You both pull away from each other and look at your husband. Mingi has a very thin layer of shimmer lip gloss on his mouth, and his cheeks and the tips of his ears are red.

A now very flustered and blushy boi Maddox quickly recollects himself from what he just witnessed and mutters, “They don’t pay me enough,” with a chuckle before he announces, loud and proud, “I-I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Song Min Gi!”

Everyone stands up from their seats and creates a round of applause as the newlywed couple leads the processional to the area where the wedding party, which is beautifully attired in soft peach pink dresses and deep royal sapphire blue accented suits, is to take pictures of one of the most important days you will never forget.

~25 minutes later~

The host has completed the introductions for the most chaotic wedding party that has ever existed, and everyone is getting to their seats in the venue.

The reception hall is absolutely stunning! The same colors of the wedding party are accented with gold. Diamonds are loosely scattered across the table, tealight candles alit floating in water vases, giving the room a soft glow in addition to the dimmed lighting.

The caterers are dressed in a clean white shirt, a black vest, and slacks. The guys have a royal blue sleeve garter, and the girls a soft peach one.

Once everyone has settled at their tables, Jae-hee and Yunho approach the front of the makeshift stage to make their toasts as Maid of Honor and Best Man.

Jae-hee grabs the microphone first, and she is already tearing up, and she is usually not one for emotion often. “Y/N, we have been friends for so long… we are practically sisters. I’ve watched you grow into a beautiful and confident woman… and even though I put you through some shit….” All of ATEEZ shakes their head and groan in agreement, and the rest of the guests laugh in response.

Jae-hee rolls her eyes and continues. “I’m so happy that you have found the love of your life and that I wasn’t the first to get married.” You roll your eyes and get up to hug her, and she meets you halfway. While in her embrace, she whispers, “I love you, baby girl,” and you respond with the same hushed tone, “I love you, too,” letting one measly tear run.

You two kiss each other’s cheek, and you return to your seat, and Jae-hee returns to the stage. She grabs Yunho’s handkerchief to dab away her tears before they fall through mascara. “Mingi, I officially welcome you into the messy integration that is our family.” Mingi chuckles and nods in response.

The mic is passed to Yunho. “Mingi, you have grown into an immaculate young man who is decorated with accomplishments and people who love you. I’m really proud of you, and I wish you two the best of luck. Y/N, I have watched you become each other’s yin and yang. You may be a bit of a handful,” you roll your eyes and chuckle. “… But we love you so much, and we welcome you into our quote – end quote ‘messy integration that is our family.’” Yunho walks over to give you a kiss on the cheek, and bro hugs Mingi.

“Cheers!” After an emotional toast from Hongjoong and Seonghwa, it was time for the party to begin, and I mean both aspects of the term. Which explains why you are now seated in a chair in the middle of the dance floor. Mingi is standing across from you with a slightly evil glint in his eye.

Hope You Do by Chris Brown blares through the speakers in the venue. You immediately cover your warm cheeks with your hands to conceal the blush and warmth there, knowing what is to come. Mingi starts to remove his suit jacket… and Yeosang, Yunho, and surprisingly, Jongho remove their coats as well.

As the trio wines and grinds on the floor behind the Groom, Mingi moves closer towards you to go and remove your garter.

When he reaches you, he does not even take the time to bunch up your dress and goes straight into hunting for the garter. His big hands rub around the top of your knees to find it.

When he does, he drops his hands to the floor to give himself leverage. He proceeds to leave a speckled trail of kisses up your leg and bites right below the garter, causing you to yelp in surprise and the crowd to holler out.

Mingi drags the garter down your leg to your ankle and removes it from your foot. At this point, there is a tension between you two that begs and pleads to be relieved.

Mingi stands to his feet, grabbing your hands to guide you straight up off the chair. You two make eye contact, and you can see the tension. “Alright young bachelorettes, come out to the floor and catch you a bouquet!” The host says in the mic, and all the women move to the floor, ready to start drinking, the actual after-party, and the real fun.

When all participants are on the floor, you pretend to throw the bouquet to keep them on edge. After a few false turns, you finally throw, and Jae-hee sprints to the front to catch it effortlessly.

“Yeahhh bitches, I’m next to get married!!!” She jumps up and down as you laugh and the other ladies leave the floor.

The host announces that it is the fellas’ turn to come out on the floor. It was not as many males as females, but there was a good amount present. Mingi played the same card as you: pretending to throw the garter until he did.

In an ironic twist of events, Jongho caught it on the top of his head like a flower crown. When he patted his head to confirm he sort of caught it, he made eye contact with Jae-hee.

They both quickly look away with a bright pink flush on their cheeks, which causes you and Mingi to laugh together. He wraps his arms across your shoulder blades and squeezes your shoulder. You look at him questioningly, and he nods to the door. You nod and grab his hand, running to the back door with your husband.

Seonghwa will have your ass for running out and leaving him and Hongjoong to clean up your mess, but that is a tomorrow problem, and you have more… pressing matters to deal with.

Mingi is flying down the street with you in the back seat to compensate room for your dress. As he tries to get to your home without getting a ticket, you untie his tie and proceed to rub down his chest, slow and meticulously popping one button after another.

Before you could decorate his neck in pretty little hickeys and love bites, the car jerks to a stop, and he power strides to your door and opens it. He grabs you in his arms bridal style out of the vehicle.

You were surprised at how easy he made that look, especially with all of the extra fluff on your dress. He carries you into the threshold with ease, kissing you as if his life depends on it.

When Mingi blindly finds your room, he puts you down on your feet, spins you around, and begins to unzip your dress. He kisses under your ear and down your neck as your dress pools around your feet. He breaks away to rest his forehead on yours.

“As much I would love to pound you into the mattress right now, I would like for our first time as a married couple to be gentle,” he breathes out. You nod your head, and he slowly turns you around to unclip the black strapless bra, allowing your breasts to drop.

He returns his mouth back to your neck and softly twists your nipple between his fingers, eliciting tingles to run all over your body. As good as the feeling was, you remove Mingi’s hand and spin around to face your husband. You walk backward until the back of your legs hit the mattress and lean back.

MIngi crawls on top of you and slowly kisses you. You can feel the passion and love through it, causing you to shiver. Mingi, once again, pulls away from you to drag your black lace panties down your legs. He throws them across the room and stands from the bed, peeling away the dress shirt you opened in the car.

The shirt drops to the floor, and he begins to unbuckle his belt, dropping it to the floor. The pants come next, along with the boxer briefs, and they pooled around his ankles. You bite your finger and lick your lips with lust-darkened eyes as you are being blessed with this private show.

Mingi returns to your V of your legs and brings your ankle to his mouth, leaving delicate kisses down the inner side of your leg until he reaches the inner thigh, where he leaves a bite – causing you to giggle and squirm a bit.

He lifts himself to where his penis grazes your labia. He rubs the tip along your slit and teases the tip inside of your core. “You ready, baby?” He sticks the reddened tip inside, just to pull it back out, and repeats this a couple times until you are a whining and moaning little mess. He finally pushes his dick past the tip and slowly moves into you, allowing you to feel every vein and ridge of his cock.

You moan in relief and very, very, VERY slight pain due to his girth, and Mingi doesn’t stop until he is at the hilt, meeting you pelvis to pelvis. He doesn’t move for a second, trying to collect himself before he busts in you from the tightness of your honey pot. You shiver as he pants in your neck, leaving goosebumps wherever his warm minty breath hits.

You grind your hips around, signaling that you have adjusted to his size, and he moans out at the action. He begins to pump inside very slowly in and out of you, with his brows scrunched and his bottom lip being bitten.

You hear the squelching noises from his slow pace. When you started getting louder, Mingi moves a bit faster, seeing that you are slowly reaching your orgasm, and frankly, so is he. “Baby, I love you so much,” he mutters like a mantra as he helps you both reach new heights.

You two have made love before, but never to this extent. After every mutter, your heart from knowing that this is the man you will spend the rest of your life with. You place your hand on the back of Mingi’s neck to kiss him, but before your lips could make contact, Mingi stops.

He licks the base of his thumb and places a firm pressure on your clitoris, and then kisses you, his tongue swirling around your own. You two are seeing specks of light under your eyelids from cumming so hard. It may not have been anything degrading, rough or intense in that sense. Still, it was absolutely beautiful joining souls with your lover.

~The Next Morning~

You wake up feeling floaty, like you are lying on a cloud. Your husband is asleep with his arm draped around your waist. As you face Mingi, his features are soft, and it looks like he is in bliss. You place your hand on his cheek and caress the apple.

When you are done admiring your husband, you carefully move his arm to his side to make breakfast. You are successful in not waking Mingi and hop out of bed, still naked from last night’s escapades. “Wow, it feels nice to say that,” you think as you grab your husband’s dress shirt and run to the bathroom to clean Mingi’s cum that has dripped down your leg.

~A few minutes later~

You are now in the kitchen, whipping up some waffle batter. The table is decorated with a nicely plated array of bacon and a bowl of freshly washed and cut fruit. You finish plugging in the waffle iron when your husband wraps his arms around your shoulders and spins you around.

He quickly lifts you on the counter. “Good morning, Mrs. Song.” He says huskily from his morning voice. You try to reply with a greeting, but Mingi catches the words in your mouth. Your lips are smashed together from Mingi’s fervency, and his long and slender fingers start to move down to your hole.

“Oh my goodness, babe. You’re so wet for me.” He teased. You moan out while he rubs your entrance, spreading your slick up and down. “You like this, don’t you?” He asks when he pushes a finger in, causing you to scream in response. “Those weren’t proper words, but I’ll take it.” He responds while adding another finger in and drastically changing his pace. You cry out due to the incredible speed. Mingi looks up at you.

Your head is tilted back, tiny pants coming from your mouth, and hands grabbing the counter as if to ground yourself. Mingi lets a drop of spit fall from his mouth and adds another finger to add more lubrication and bring you closer to climax.

You start to squirm on the counter, which is now soaked in your fluids, and whimper softly. A telltale sign that you are almost there; you just need that one little push. Mingi kneels down to be face to face with your cunt, and he stares at your dripping core as if he was hypnotized by how well you are taking his digits.

A loud moan from you knocks him out of his trance, and he adds one more finger and starts to apply suction on your button. A blinding white light flashes behind your eyelids, and a fuzzy warmth roams all over your body.

You breathe heavily from your high, and Mingi slows his speed, allowing you to ride out your orgasm. He slowly removes his fingers, causing you to whimper from overstimulation, and brings them to your mouth.

You immediately open your mouth to welcome in the appendages and begin to suck them as if your life depends on it. The spit dribbles from your mouth down your chin and along Mingi’s forearm. He gently pulls at your jaw to open your mouth and spits in your mouth.

“Swallow.” He growls, and you do not think twice about disobeying him. He returns to kiss you, mixing your natural taste with your juices and his tongue.

He pulls away, and your fucked out state is adorable: your eyes are dilated from here to Hell, saliva glistening your chin, your cheeks are heavily flushed, and your ass is drenched with your cum.

“If this is what I wake to every morning, I’m not complaining.” Mingi chuckles. “You didn’t even get to have breakfast yet.” You laughed. He looks with an eyebrow raised… “Oh, you meant actual food?” You nod your head.

“As long as I have you, I don’t think I’ll need anything else.” He cheesily says. “Yeah, sure, that’s not what your body will be saying.” You retaliate as you jump off the counter, cringing when you hear your butt peel off the corner from your juices.

Mingi laughs, grabs some paper towels to clean that. When he’s done, he washes his hands and proceeds to help you cook so you two can build the stamina to christen the rest of your home together. Well, christen is not the right word… more like fuck like rabbits until the morning light returns.

~~~~~

And there's the fic ✨ hope you enjoyed the read ✨ leave an ask and say hi or even follow me or reblog if you did

#mingissoggywaffles #ateez #ateez smut #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #atz smut #song mingi smut #mingi smut #ateez x reader #mingi x reader #mingi x y/n #kpop smut #song mingi x reader

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azenkii · 4 years

Text

A Long List of Trash Fire Lord Zuko Headcanons

...that i couldn't get out of my head:

(warning: SUPER LONG POST i havent figured out how to trim posts yet)

he's the one who unchains azula despite iroh's protests. she doesn't even try to fight him, just cries into his shoulder and keeps mumbling about how father's going to be so disappointed in her. he takes her to her rooms and has her drink a sleeping draught, then stations the best guards he has left outside her chambers.

his first council meeting takes place literally a day after sozin's comet. he hobbles into the council chamber shirtless with his entire torso covered in bandages and every council member just looks at him like '...what'

he does NOT sleep for like,,a week after sozin's comet and then another two weeks after his coronation. katara, aang and suki try to persuade him to sleep and he doesn't listen. eventually sokka, toph and mai team up to literally drag his ass to bed and tell him he's not allowed to get up until he sleeps (does mai pin him to the bed with her knives? yes. is it kinky or sexual in any way? definitely not.)

he drinks So. Much. Tea. at this point it's practically tasteless to him but he drinks it anyway because he just needs something to do and tea is something familiar. he keeps iroh on his toes because he's constantly asking for new tea blends, uncle, i think i actually tasted the last one,

he flat-out refuses to grow his hair for at least a year after ozai's defeat. the second it starts getting close to his chin he shears it off himself, with his knife, and his stylist has a heart attack every single time

when he's tired he'll occasionally jump up when one of his guards moves. it stops after a bit, but for the first month and a half or so he's really twitchy. when sokka asks, the only explanation he can come up with is that he's not used to having people stand behind him silently and not want to kill him, much less want to protect him (sokka immediately takes him out for a shopping trip and makes a point of walking behind him the entire time, but only on zuko's right side, where he can clearly see it if sokka moves towards him)

when the healer declares azula mentally unstable and in need of an institution, he shuts himself in his office for the rest of the night. no one's allowed in, not even iroh. he finally emerges in the morning, eyes red from crying and sleep deprivation, and tells the librarian that he'd like a list of the best mental institutions in the country, please, the best in the world if you can get them

he loves theatre (is this even a headcanon?). unfortunately it practically died out in the fire nation along with the rest of the creative arts, leaving nothing but small troupes like the ember island players. one of zuko's personal goals (meaning things he wants to accomplish that aren't as important as restoring his country) is to bring back theatre; he finally manages to do it after about eight months or so of being fire lord, along with other arts like dancing, music and sculpture

he establishes a national day of mourning, on the first day of autumn every year, to commemorate the genocide of the air nomads. from 100AG onwards, every calendar printed in the fire nation has it marked. at first it was called the day of repentance, but aang persuaded him to have it changed (by arguing that he didn't want guilt to be a literal staple of fire nation culture)

he introduces literally So Many educational reforms, plus a mandatory class that teaches students about the cultures of the other nations (air nomads included) and how some of their traditions overlap

he turns down the offer of having a statue put up of him in the capital. toph ignores him and does it anyway.

he visits azula regularly, makes sure she's (relatively) comfortable and well-fed, and sometimes just sits down outside her door and tells her about everything that's going on right now ('some of the far colonies have developed their own standardised writing, azula, you wouldn't believe it, and i've asked the fire sages to come visit more often—but you never liked them, did you? oh, well; i'll make sure none of them go into your chambers by mistake')

(he doesn't know it, but when he does this azula sits by the door and listens. she wonders what kind of writing the colonists have developed, and whether or not the fire sages have taken on some new recruits.)

he hates being above anyone else. never sits in the throne if he can help it, nor does he sit on the dais in the council room. when he talks to people shorter than him, he finds himself stooping a little bit to talk to them on their level (the exception to this rule is sokka, who he mocks for being shorter all the way up until sokka grows taller than him, the bastard)

the first time he visits the earth kingdom, the earth king's ministers call a toast. he ends up being the only one who has to sit out, because he's too young to drink by earth kingdom law

once his servants figure out he won't kill them for talking to him, they start becoming a lot more bold, telling him off when he doesn't take care of himself. at one point, they force him to let them take care of him so much that he literally just bolts into the gardens and hides there until the staff rope in mai and ty lee

when he needs to escape, he does one of two things: (a) he dresses up as the blue spirit and does some parkour until he calms down, or (b) he goes to work at the jasmine dragon. (b) happens less often bc the jasmine dragon's in ba sing se, but there's been a few memorable incidents when an earth kingdom diplomat walks in and yells, 'LEE?!' when they see the fire lord

the first court artist who draws him also happens to be the one who drew azulon and ozai. he draws zuko without his scar. zuko takes one look at it and tells him, very calmly, that he'd like him to leave, please.

zuko burns the portrait. he doesn't fire the court artist, but he never calls on him again unless he has to. a second court artist is called, and can't help but be a bit confused when the fire lord tells him to be sure to include the scar

he forgets the crown. a lot. sometimes he walks into council meetings in his sleepwear with his hair tied up in a messy ponytail and a bunch of scrolls tucked under his arm. none of his councilmen have the guts (or the heart) to tell him that this is not, in fact, formal council wear

he goes to feed the turtleducks when he's stressed. he thinks he's being subtle. he's not. the entire palace knows, and they consciously give him space when they see him in the turtleduck garden

most of his staff are older than him, so they look at him and see this teeny tiny fire lord who is So Small and who Must Be Protected. the day after zuko's coronation, the head chef holds a meeting where they commence Operation Do-Not-Let-That-Boy-Turn-Out-Like-His-Father (subsection He's-The-Only-Good-Thing-We-Have)

one night he wakes up to find suki sitting in his room, decked out in full kyoshi warrior garb and makeup, and just about screams blue murder. suki tells him there are suspicions of an assassin in the palace, and would you please stop yelling it's very distracting, we won't be able to hear anyone coming over that racket

zuko gets very, very paranoid of random spirits after that. yeah, suki looks like a possibly malevolent spirit when she's wearing her makeup, what about it? (when he tells sokka he's highkey terrified of spirit shenanigans, sokka just looks at him and says, 'man, the stories i could tell...', and THAT'S when zuko remembers sokka spent like six months more than he did travelling with the avatar)

on his first visit to the southern water tribe, he removes his boots and leg guards, rolls up his pants and kneels barefoot in the snow. even though chief hakoda immediately starts trying to pull him up, he's stubborn as hell and stays kneeling for the entirety of his very long, very sincere apology-on-behalf-of-the-fire-nation speech. he nearly loses his toes to frostbite after that, and both sokka and katara never stop giving him shit for it

the first time he grows a 'beard' is completely accidental. he's stressed over some trade miscommunications with chief hakoda, hasn't slept in a few days...and then when sokka arrives as water tribe ambassador to help smooth things over, he takes one look at zuko and says 'man, facial hair does not suit you'

zuko: facial what now

he checks a mirror to find that he's got stubble covering his chin, dark enough that it almost looks intentional, and holy gods how the fuck did he not notice this before

'UNCLE WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME' 'i assumed you were doing it on purpose' 'WHEN HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING ON PURPOSE'

he shaves it all off immediately, of course, which prompts a lot of teasing and rib-poking from sokka until zuko finally snaps that he's scared it'll make him look like his father. sokka stops after that.

(the day after sokka leaves, zuko finds that a mysterious someone has scribbled all over ozai's royal portrait, giving him a frankly ridiculous beard and moustache that literally CANNOT be grown in real life. oddly enough, he can't bring himself to care about the defamation of royal property. he's too busy laughing.)

his paths cross with toph and sokka more than any of the others, because sokka is ambassador and toph is technically still a beifong. most of the time, at formal functions, he ends up sequestered in the corner with toph and a hoard of snacks, and they talk and swear much more than they usually do (zuko's ministers once heard him when he was drunk with toph, and the servants swear the older ministers' ears started bleeding)

he restores fire nation cultural festivals, and in doing so subjects himself to learning a lot of complicated dances

during one memorable week, he wrote so many letters and drafted so much legislation that he ran out of paper. he had to go visit the nearest school and ask for some

he keeps up with his firebending and sword training even though it's hard to fit into his schedule. his ministers refrain from reminding him that he has guards to protect him now; it's still hard for zuko to trust his safety with anyone but himself (team avatar is the exception).

he started sleepwalking about two months into his reign. no one knew why. one time, he nearly sleepwalked right off the edge of a balcony, and one of his guards had to grab him by the back of his robes.

the sleepwalking stopped after around a month and never happened again. at this point it's practically palace legend.

after freeing the war prisoners, he went around collecting every single earthbender-proof wooden cell he could find in the capital and surrounding areas. when he'd gotten most of them, he gathered them into a huge pile in the city square and set fire to them with his own hands.

unfortunately he couldn't do that with the waterbender metal cells but he did get toph to come in and bend them all into pretty shapes (well, toph thought they were pretty shapes. everyone else thinks they're meaningless squiggles)

he learned how to write with both hands at the same time out of sheer necessity (he refused scribes until it became clear that he'd be putting some people out of a job; that was when he started letting scribes write very, very minor things, but all important documents/drafts/letters are still written by him)

he once put the wet end of an ink brush in his mouth instead of the wooden end by mistake. didn't even realise until he bit down to keep it in place and ink went oozing everywhere

when his guards rushed in to find him coughing and spluttering black liquid all over his desk they thought he'd been poisoned but no he's just stupid

on his 17th birthday, his first one after being crowned, he got tackled by team avatar in the middle of the ballroom and ended up at the bottom of a cuddlepile for like ten minutes

this cuddlepile happened at an event that was very much public and very much formal. it was a scandal for weeks

just. fire lord zuko, guys. so much potential

#holy cow this ended up so much longer than i intended #atla #avatar #zuko #firelord zuko #headcanons

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