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songbirdtales · 7 months

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Keepsakes (AstarionxTav)

Author's note:

The more I'm writing the more this is turning into the slowest of burns. IDKY I'm eating up Astarion and Gale rivalry but its fueling me lol. Enjoy!

Tav sat by the fire with a ragged stuffed bear. The tattered toy had tears in several limbs and had been partially decapitated. Tav has some rags and a needle set aside as they examine the damage, mentally calculating their supplies.

“You’ll kill your eyes like that.” Gale stood over their shoulder, his arms crossed behind his back as he surveyed the scene.

“Good thing I’ve darkvision, yeah?” They offered him a fanged smile, the levity of conversation welcomed.

“Still, if you’ve need of, you’re welcome to use my tent. I keep it well lit for late night reading.” He was doing it again, this dance they’d been at the last few days. This dance of over generosity met with deflection when Tav would probe at his intentions. Sure, perhaps it was simply friendly companionship, but the dissonance in his words and actions made Tav feel there was something Gale wasn’t telling them.

“I wouldn’t want to keep you awake, we need you fresh tomorrow.”

Gale held his hands up as if he’d been caught in a crime. “No need to worry, I’ll be sleeping by the fire tonight. It’ll be empty regardless of me.” An arm opened to gesture back towards his tent. “You’re welcome to it as you please.”

And again they went. “Thank you, Gale. I’ll keep it in mind.” He couldn’t say much to that. Tav looked to their rags, then back up to the wizard. “Gale, could you help me with something actually?”

“Of course!” He was so eager. “How can I help?” Tav almost found themself pitying him. He wanted them so bad, and although Tav couldn’t deny there was a physical attraction, they didn’t want him like that, and they respected him too much to play with his heart.

“Do you have any scrap cloth?” Tav held up the moth worn rags, some had holes in the center with very little usable fabric, it made for a rather limited stock.”I’m trying to mend this toy I found in the village we passed through.”

“The goblin infested one? I hadn’t even noticed.” That’s what he was growing to like about Tav. They were thoughtful, even if they weren’t exactly a hero. They were a chaotic neutral soul from everything he’d seen. He didn’t mind that, but he found it unfortunate how they seemed to attract the worst kinds of characters, himself included. “I think I have a few pieces I can spare.” He nodded towards his tent. “I didn’t know you liked dolls.”

“I’m not sure I do, but mending things like this is familiar, and I could use something familiar right now.” Their eyes had turned back to the toy in their hands. They grabbed their supplies and stood, ready to follow him back to his tent, which is exactly what they hadn’t wanted to do. Still, they could keep this from escalating in a direction they didn’t want. Everything was still fine.

“I understand. I’ve been grabbing every book we pass. It’s the most I’ve read in ages. It’s comforting.” Gale said as they walked side by side to his tent. His strides were longer and quicker than Tav’s, Gale actively having to alter his pace and path to keep at their side. His body language betrayed his excitement, and Tav felt nothing at the sight but anxiety. Tav paused beside his sitting cushion as Gale stepped forward, kneeling into the tent and gathering some slashed clothes. “There you are,” Gale beamed as he handed the cloth to Tav.

The cloth was good quality, heavy and strong, but it had been brutally cut up in battle to the point it wasn’t much worth repairing. The blood had been mostly washed out but the reminisce of stains lingered. All in all, there was more than enough good fabric for their bear.

“You really took a beating the other day…” Tav mused as they looked over the torn robe. They’d not really thought much about how brutal the Gnoll on the road had been.

“You should have seen the other guy.” He joked back, laughing a little until he noticed Tav wasn’t laughing back. He quickly tamped the laughter down to awkward silence.

Tav offered Gale a soft smile. “I’m glad you’re ok Gale. You’re a valued part of this party, and I don’t know how we’d fare without you. So, do try to be more careful, yeah?”

“Of course.” He said with a nod, his eyes struggling to keep contact with Tav’s demonic glow. His gaze only turned up when Tav spoke again.

“Well, I better get started if I want to get some sleep tonight.” Tav said as they switched spots with Gale, his body naturally following their movement as if they were both being pushed by opposite currents. Tav got down and crawled in, sitting in the pile of cushions Gale had amassed and formed into a reclined seat. They curled their legs up, propping their supplies on their thighs as they began to tear the gifted cloth into smaller segments.

Gale didn’t leave, sitting down on the cushion outside. He grabbed something nearby to seem as though he had a task himself, but it was truly just an excuse to watch Tav work. Tav didn’t mind, even if they saw his act for what it was. Eventually he actually did become fixated on his task, the two working silently, fueled by the other’s presence. It was peaceful, familiar, like working in a library. Gale had no idea how long they had been at this, but as he pulled himself from his work to speak to Tav, he paused.

Inside the tent Tav was passed out in his pillows. The bear had been noticeably mended in parts, but it was not yet done. Gale got up from his seat and kneeled into the tent. His hand reached for the blanket, pulling it across the tent to gently drape it over Tav. A warm smile bloomed on his lips as he let them sleep. Only then would Gale leave, heading back to the fire.

“There you are,” The annoyance in Astarion’s voice was palpable as he approached Gale at the fire. “Where have you been off to?”

Gale knew the smell of jealousy well, and Astarion was worse than he’d like at hiding it. “Just doing a little late night carving.” Gale reached in his pocket and produced a small wooden figurine. It was crudely carved, but even Astarion had to admit it vaguely resembled a cat in a cat’s most basic shape.

Astarion stared at the deformed wooden cat for a moment before looking up at Gale with the least amusement Gale had ever seen from him. “Do you know where Tav is?”

Gale had to actively resist smiling but the faintest glimmer of a triumphant grin couldn’t help but pull at his lips. He’d cross his arms over his chest. “I do.” He said simply and curt as if he had no intention of elaborating. Anger twitch to Astarion’s face, and just as he was just about to speak, Gale spoke again, cutting him off. “They’re already asleep for the night. Poor thing, utterly exhausted. I’d let them be.”

Astarion’s face had more warmth to it than Gale had ever seen, the heat of his anger barely contained. “I asked you a question. Do not make me repeat myself.” That normally beautiful face was twisted and sharp as Astarion glared daggers into the human wizard.

The grin grew broader across Gales lips at Astarion’s posturing and he’d nod back over his shoulder. “I thought it best to leave them be.” He was so smug about it, as if he’d won some unspoken competition.

Astarion glanced over in the direction Gale had gestured quickly at first before realizing Gale had nodded to his tent. His gaze came back to Gale as a glare. “No need to make things weird, Gale. We’re all adults here.” If his tongue wasn’t so sharp, Gale might have noticed the projection in Astarion’s words, but both men were preoccupied with their egos. The condescension in his voice was cutting, leaving Gale speechless long enough for Astarion to turn sharply away and saunter off.

Gale sighed as the Elf departed, a wave of relief washed over him that his jugular was still intact. “Dramatic.” He finally scoffed.

Astarion was at Gale’s tent in a matter of strides. Still fuming, he knelt beside the opening of the tent and pulled the flap aside with his arm. The sight of Tav, fully clothed, dead asleep, with a partly repaired stuffed toy was not what Astarion had been expecting. Instantly the wind was knocked out of his anger and the fire of it died, leaving Astarion frozen. Any action he’d thought to take was now wildly dramatic if not inappropriate… for a moment he was almost aware of his jealousy, until Tav stirred.

A soft, sleepy sound came from Tav as one eye struggled to pull itself half open. Their arms were just about to start pushing themself up when Astarion reached out a hand. He didn’t touch them, but his hand hovered just overtop their back. They didn’t push up into the hand, they didn’t have the strength. They were exhausted from the near daily feeding.

“Hush, go back to sleep.” He urged in a sweet whisper as his eyes turned about the tent. Gale had this packed with all sorts of magic nonsense, but his eyes fell back to the stuffed bear. He was fascinated instantly, not because of the toy, but because of the magic radiating from it. They had pulled apart Gale’s bloodstained shirt for thread and stitched it in a way he’d seen before from the witches of Baldur's Gate, a way of hiding protections and curses in the stitch and weave of clothing. Though in this instance it was very rudimentary, Astarion couldn’t help but wonder how a tiefling bard knew such magic.

“Are you hungry?” Even half asleep, Tav’s mind was preoccupied with the camp, making sure everyone was safe. He almost admired that about them, if only for the wrong reasons. He was impressed that someone could have the willpower to keep all of this together.

“Not tonight darling.” His hand reached for their hair, gently shifting some loose strands from their face. He’d lean over to their ear and whisper, “Sweet dreams,” as Tav’s eye fell shut once more.

He lingered, hesitating, his eyes shifting back to the bear before deciding it was best to leave what questions it gave him till the morning. Astarion would wait until he’d gotten a few steps from the tent before letting his real thoughts catch up to him. He was hungry, but a boar would have to suffice. It would look bad on him to drink Tav’s blood while they’re passed out in another person’s tent, and he needed to keep appearances up if his very simple plan was to succeed.

The next morning Tav woke up early. Gale had aligned some objects in his tent to take the first light of dawn and amplify it and wake him, Gods did it work, Tav almost wished it hadn’t. They were groggy, vision fading in and out of focus as they crawled out into the sunlight. They sat on their knees and stared at the horizon in silent reverence for a time. Their thoughts swam with everything that had happened leading up to the blighted village; the abandoned temple, the grove. It all came back like recalling a vivid dream, surreal and fragmented, yet so clear.

They let their eyes close as the still cool air washed over them. Tav’s breath fogged in the morning chill as they let out a deep, tired yawn. Their fangs snapped as they closed their mouth and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. As they crawled back in the tent to retrieve their craft, they noticed something shine in the morning light. A single white hair. Tav cocked a brow but gathered it with the rest of the fabric and the bear.

Everyone was still asleep as Tav ted lightly towards and past the fire. Even Astarion was still in his trance from what it seemed so Tav went towards the river. As soon as their back was turned, a sanguine eye popped open. Astarion was silent as he followed Tav towards the water. He watched as Tav washed their hands and face in the running water before settling on a rock and pulling their bear back out.

“Good morning, Darling.” He watched them closely, the breaking of the silence practically made Tav jump but they didn’t hide their work. They’d been threading their needle and paused, tucking the needle into the bear so as to not stab themself with it on accident.

“Good morning,” Tav sighed in relief, a soft smile pulling across their face before their hand twirled in a flourish towards him. “You dropped something in Gale’s tent.” They held out the single silver hair between two fingers, offering it back to him. “You should be more careful with a wizard.”

Astarion scoffed and looked between Tav and the hair. “How do you know that’s mine?” The two stared silently at each other for a long moment, Astarion set in his flimsy denial as Tav’s hair was much longer, much more yellow, and much less curly than the strand in question. He’d groan a little. “Fine, yes, it’s mine.” A hint of irritation simmered in his tone before shifting into that arrogant sarcasm. “I’m surprised you’re giving it back instead of using it in your little curse doll, make me fall in love with you.”

Tav choked on laughter, doubling over as their cheeks puffed before their lips burst open. Their hand clapped over their mouth to muffle the sound so as to not wake the others. “I don’t need magic to steal a heart.”

They turned their hand down, ready to flick the hair away towards him but Astarion reached out to snatch it before they could. He didn’t keep it, brushing it off his hand on his trousers. Tav looked back down to the bear and held it up a little.

“Besides, these are for protection. It’s something my mother taught me to do. When I saw this in the rubble, I thought I might give myself something familiar to do. This one’s for Gale, since it’s got his blood and all on the thread.” Those blue eyes turned up to Astarion curiously. “I can make one for you next time I find a stuffed animal.”

“Don’t expect me to give you my bloody drawers.” Astarion huffed.

“No need for that.” Tav was still chortling as they picked up their needle to resume work. “I'll be honest the blood was dramatic of him, but I’m thinking of making one for everyone. Give my hands something to do while we travel.”

“Really?” His tone shifted as he leaned just a little closer, that perfect, sly smile on his lips. Tav knew a performance when they saw one, and this was well rehearsed. “Nothing else to busy your hands with?”

Tav knew this game, bored flirtation. It was one of their favorites, and considering there was nothing else to do besides fixate on the imminent fear of death, why not play along? Their hair swayed as they tilted their head, strands still caught in their horns and loose down their back. Their hair was long, past their shoulders and with a hint of a wave. “Yet.” They hummed in response, a curious look on their face, studying his reaction.

Astarion recoiling as a very confused “What?” come from him before he’d clear his throat. He wasn’t used to someone flirting back, normally they were too intimidated. “I mean, What about your uh, violin? Or is it a Lute?”

Tav backed off, their smile growing wider at his stumbling words. “I’m fine playing classics by the fire, but I’m a bit reluctant to work on my own stuff around the fire with strangers. Besides, most of them want to sleep as soon as we get back to camp. I'm not gonna keep them up.”

“Oh come now,” He’d put the charm back on, gesturing to the camp. “I’m sure Gale would be thrilled.”

Tav’s face soured, their nose scrunching a little as their lips thinned. “Yeah…” They didn’t seem excited by the idea. “You… never heard me play in Baldur’s Gate, did you?”

Astarion laughed and found himself a seat on a nearby stone. “Darling, I have no idea who you are beyond our time together with the rest of our companions.” Tav squinted as they caught sight of a glimmer of honesty. When he didn’t care about something, he had no filter, and in that they could see just a hint of what hid behind the mask.

An easy smile grew across Tav’s lips. “What kind of music do you think I make?” They asked with pure amusement.

Astarion stared blankly at Tav for a moment, blinking a few times as the gears in his head turned. “What other kind of music do bards make besides adventure ballads?”

Tav instinctively covered their mouth as they laughed again, truly amused by his ignorance. It drew Astarion’s eye instantly. “I mostly sing about grief and death, heartbreak and vengeance. It’s not exactly the mood I want to bring to camp.”

“It can’t be that bad.” He said as he crossed his arms. “Come, let me hear some of this emotional music. It can’t be that much of a downer.”

Tav rose a brow, his challenge wordlessly accepted. They reached into their back for a small book where they worked out their lyrics. “Here’s something I’m still working on.” They cleared their throat and began reading the lines like poetry. It was an eloquent verse, and very clearly described having dreams of murdering their own father.

Astarion was thrown off in a completely new way. The longer they read for, the more his expression contorted as Astarion tried to mask his concern. They only got two lines in before Astarion held one hand out and averted his gaze. “Th-that’s enough. I get it.”

“Yeah,” Tav was holding back laughter. “I don’t need to be playing songs like that at a time like this. I’ll get my musical fix by playing their favorites by the fire, but I figure it’s better to save the heavy stuff.” Their eyes turned to the sky, the sun was just about to peek over the trees, the morning star fading as the sky lost its pastel hues. “Never gets old.” They sighed, as the sun came up and the warmth of its light washed over them both.

Astarion flinched instinctively before letting out a deep sigh of relief. “No, it does not.”

They sat in the silence of the sunrise for a moment before Tav’s voice gently broke it. “I know everythings scary right now, but I truly believe that if we stick together, we can survive this. And if not, at least we’re free, for what it’s worth.”

“I think freedom’s worth everything.” His eyes were fixed on the water, watching the river glisten as it ran. The flashes reflected in his eyes, making them sparkle like rubies.

Tav let themself stare for longer than they should have, taking in the contours of his features, the shapes of his shadows, the lines in his skin. They didn’t care if he caught them, though he seemed too fixated on the water to notice. “So do I.” Tav’s voice melted into the sound of the river, so soft Astarion barely registered they’d said anything at all.

By the time he’d looked back to them, Tav was standing, holding the now fully mended bear in their hands. They tilted their head as they gazed at the bear, checking their work. They bit their lower lip in thought, as if trying to remember a forgotten step. Finally, they went to the river crouched beside the edge. With one finger, Tav reached to wet their nail, holding the drop in the carved point of their nail before bringing it to the forehead of the bear. The toy looked a little cleaner, Astarion could even feel the magic of it was more pure. The protection charm was complete.

“I’ll try to find you a different animal. Maybe a goose?” They said with a joking smile.

Astarion clicked his tongue, squeezing his still folded arms as he pouted. “Take your time.” He had no desire for a hagcraft charm.

Tav shook their head as they left Astarion at the riverbank. The elf glanced back towards the fire to see Tav giving the now well awake Gale the bear. He seemed more fascinated with the magic than the bear itself and began to info dump about thread based magic.

Astarion’s face felt relatively hot as anger gathered in him. He covered his face with a hand as his mind still raced from that one word. He didn’t like this, whatever feeling this was. He didn’t recognize the feeling as it gathered in his core, this twisting in his guts, as if he’d eaten something rotten, yet still starved. Was it really hunger? He’d fed that night and this felt different. He’d already made them his mark, so why was he starting to panic?

It was then that a new thought came to Astarion, what if Tav can see through his game? How well could he really wrap them around his finger if they knew it was fake? And what did that mean for the security of his simple plan?

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itsravenbitch · 2 years

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lmao i just remembered this was in my drafts😂 i wrote this on the 21st of july when i was on break i believe

- -

so i got an industrial piercing on july 15th [in the morning] and it was cute i was feeling it. cool. and for whatever reason, i kept telling myself lowkey as a “joke” that what if it got infected that’d be funny cause why would i do that to myself right? so anyway i got the piercing and the area was red and a little sore but yk that’s normal. later that night, it was no longer red, but still sore. and i still kept telling myself “what if?” idky don’t even ask, cs i honestly do. not. know. 😭😭

so then about 2 days later on the 17th, i wake up and my ear is just THROBBING & i’m like wtf is goin on ?? i touch my ear and it just didn’t feel right so i hop out the bed and look in the mirror….. yall i damn near lost my mind . my fucking ear. my helix was swollen, red, and where the piercing enters and exits, yeah those areas were like … eww i’m not gonna explain it. but anyways i’m freaking out cause why is this happening rn? then i sit there and think what thoughts i was having. and that’s when i realized the “jokes” i was telling myself. so anyway, i was still pissed tf off cause, yes i can manifest it away but ugh . man i was just mad. but anyway.

i went back to the shop and my piercer wasn’t there so i talked to some one else

i had to leave it in cause you can’t take it out if it’s infected cause one, that would hurt & two, it’ll close and trap the infection. and that right there was exactly what was making even more mad. the fact that it HAD to stay. the piercer was like it’ll take about 2 weeks to heal.. so anyway she treats it and i leave.

as i’m driving home, i’m affirming “i never even had an infection” “my piercing is fine” “it’s okay rae” and i’m also like vaunting about how i’m a master at manifesting & stuff like that. then i started CUH-RY-ING YALL! like real human tears. and my period was starting soon (and i’m a real emotional bitch on my cycle) so i knew that’s why i was crying. but i’m literally in the car, driving, screaming & yelling my affirmations while crying. ik i was looking dumb as fuck at the light 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💀💀.

anyway my sister calmed me down when i got home. she said “yeah. keep affirming” very sarcastically bc she still thinks the law is “illogical”, ain’t got time for her. but anyway the infection literally was gone the next day. 2 weeks my black ass. my piercing was fine and it looked normal, like nothing ever happened. and it felt fine too. (it actually felt better than it should have for being such a new piercing). i was looking in the mirror laughing to myself like “you really did that to yourself huh?” 😭😭 i felt so stupid.

#success stories #loa

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hoonhrt · 3 years

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PLUTO PROJECTOR

: paring — lovers to exes! jake x reader

: genre — angsty :(

: song recc. — pluto projector by rex orange county

: a/n — idky i listen to this song and think of jake and i cri

and we're on our way to glory, where the show won't ever end, and the encore lasts forever.

things seemed like forever bliss with him. the lightest of his touches felt like the heavens had graced upon you. every waking moment spent with him felt like running through grassy fields barefoot. the wind swooping the hairs on your head back as you both giggled loudly in the vast emptiness. the way he held you in his arms created a sense of comfort. a sense of home. a sense of love. these were the moments you wished had lasted forever.

spendin the years together, growing older every day [...], i feel at home when I'm around you.

walking alone at night on your elementary school grounds was a reoccurring place you would visit. a place of simpler times. where the only thing that mattered was who could run the fastest. the recollection of your child like screams could be heard in the far distance, you imagine. you were laughing so hard because he was making funny faces, trying to distract you from your scraped knee. from day one, he was like home.

taking care of you when things didn’t seem to make sense. you watched each other grow. stressing now about your acne, grades, and the cute people in your classes. the glances you took between each other lasted longer than they should’ve. gazing your eyes towards his lips when he spoke to you. dreaming countless nights on what it his lips would feel against yours. what waking up to his alluring visage would be like. wondering if your hands fit each other like puzzle pieces.

this right here still feels like a honeymoon, when you say my name, nothing's changed.

being with him was euphoria. everything was so exciting. young love they call it. where the smallest show of affection was something you’d scream about into your pillow. awkward silences filled a large portion of your dates. shy looks you shared with him. when you kissed his cheek for the first time, his heart dropped, unaware of what this feeling was.

butterflies. they were butterflies my dear jake.

oh how he fell in love with the way you pouted when you were focused on a task, and how you fell in love with his selflessness. putting everyone before himself, including you. the spontaneous 2 am trips, sneaking you out of his house to watch the stars at your childhood park. you watched the stars, while he watched at you.

his puppy like eyes staring at you when you refused to something he asked for. of course, he immediately got it afterwards. sharing your firsts with each other. the way he confessed his love for you every night. you promised each other that you would be together forever. through thick and thin. through rain or shine. it would always have been you and him together.

old enough to understand,

stay forever, you know more than anyone.

it was another on one of your spontaneous trips where jake broke your heart. you kept trying to peek at him, each time you did he would look away, staring into the night sky to avoid your gaze. timidly, you grabbed his hand, rubbing your thumb against the back of it. you stayed silent, in the hopes that he would speak for himself. minutes prolonged before he admitted: “i’m leaving tomorrow.” he loosened his grip on your hand. shifting his hand away from yours and into his lap. he continued to look away, afraid to see your reaction. you were overwhelmed. ‘we could make this work, right?’ you thought to yourself. so you begged. you begged over and over and over again to him. you tried your hardest within those few hours you had together that this could work. that he could leave the town but not you. he began to explain that he was leaving for korea. that he would work his ass off to become an artist. to find his truest self away from here. that he would leave this town with 0 traces of jake sim. you could see the determination on his face and realized there was no point.

so you let him go. you blocked him on everything he could possibly contact you as soon as you got home. you refused to visit him before his flight. you sobbed until the sun rose, trying to forget that fact that you let your best friend go. the one person who knew you more than anyone. the fact that you let the love of your life out of the grasps of your arms.

years had passed. you hadn’t thought of him since, forced to erase jake from the memories of your mind. the tv turned on, switched to a unknown channel. lo and behold, sweet jake sim with his puppy dog eyes danced across the screen. the screams of millions of fans overpowering his own voice. 6 others behind him as they giggled with each other.

you understood now, you just wished he stayed forever.

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noritoshiikamo · 3 years

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game over

pairing: noritoshi kamo + fem!oc genre: angst tags//warning: established relationship, wild gojo appeared // blood, character death, emotion distress, mention of shibuya note: the obligatory trio of mine: not well edited, lowercase intended, english isnt my first language im sorry if i murder it. note that i put descriptions of the characters i write so it would be easier for me, you’re free to imagine the character the way you seem fits! okay listen imma be honest i dont like this part that much dhhdbdjksncjddiem and im sorry if it sucks bcs istg i cant compete to part 1 and 2 of it so IM SORRY tagging @unabashednightmarepizza @sassyeahhhh @dok-ja @sukirichi [bold means i cant tag u idky :( lemme know if wanna be tagged in the next part] read the first part | second part | third part | bonus

few years ago;

“you’re fucking ridiculous!”

“you’re injured, how the fuck is it me that’s being unreasonable?”

she contemplated stabbing him straight to his chest. “i’m fine, leave me alone,” she hissed, holding on to her arm as she tried to limp away. second year jujutsu student noritoshi kamo wondered how the hell one could be this stubborn. with blood caked up on the side of her face, lips busted and bruising in the corner, not to mention the broken arm and probably twisted ankle, he could not understand how one could be this reckless and stupid, it’s almost ridiculous.

but here she is standing in front of him.

“you could’ve let me handle it,” he said, coldly.

she never turned that fast in her life; her limping leg suddenly worked fine as she hauled her ass, throwing both fists to his chest. the force put was enough to threw him back a few steps, he caught her wrists holding her from falling down. “stop acting like i’m so fragile. i can exorcist the curse just fine. you make me hate you so much,” she spitted, pure rage etched on her face, “just because i’m a girl, because i’m your girl, i’m weak. please, i am as good as you are, kamo.”

their faces were so close, he could count the freckles spread on her nose and cheeks. he loves her eyes the very first time he caught glimpse of it; one is a dull brown while the other looks like it carries the secret of the bright blue sea. this time, the eyes he loves looked hopeless, lack of the burning spirit she carried with tears threatening to spill. letting go of a wrist, his trembling hand brushed the hair coated with the blood back, carefully not to hurt her. “i never said you are bad,” he clarified, fingers busy brushing the hair back. his sudden reaction surprised her, and her body betrayed her thoughts as she eased in his arms.

he tilted her chin, his head was panicking as he realised that his brain was no longer controlling his movement as he leaned down and kissed her.

she tasted like blood.

she winced, pain aching on the swollen part and he apologized so quietly as he deepened the kiss. “nori-” her voice croaked as she swallowed his moans. he hummed, satisfied by the kiss. their foreheads rest against each other, the tip of their noses touched as they struggled to catch breath.

“stop being stupid. let me help you okay?”

“okay.”

slipping his arm under hers, he helped her walk, leading them out of the abandoned building they managed to exorcist. nothing major, a couple of pestering level three and four curses that them both handled well but their supervisor missed to tell them about the hiding level two curse that took them by surprise. she had become the curse’s main target.

if she would’ve just listened to him and stay close. he sighed.

“ouch, ouch,” she cried, clutching on her left leg, forcing him to stop. impatient, he slipped his hand under her knees, lifting her up in his arms. she apologized profusely, embarrassed to be such a burden to him. he brushed it off immediately.

“did you call them? told them that we are done?”

she gasped, “wait, i thought they’ll wait for us.”

he huffed, “you’re not that important, y/n. give them a call, please. i want to go home.”

kicking the door open, the moonlight shone on them as he carried her down to the bottom stairs. settling her down on the steps, he sat beside her, letting a long sigh. he watched as she took the call, letting them know that she was slightly injured, and they need to go back asap. she was visibly tired, and he was the same too.

he couldn’t help but to sigh at the way the moonlight enveloped her. he had loved her from the very first moment he caught his eyes on her; she caught him staring, called him out publicly and ignored all his advances. it took him a lot to court her. she’s a gojo, she can have anything and everything with the sky is the limit.

but one thing money could never buy is affection.

it started with little stuffs; noritoshi waiting for her with her lunch readied every day. it annoyed her but momo (who was secretly rooting for him) forced her to just do it. “it’s just a lunch,” momo said sheepishly. noritoshi would have them paired all the time for the missions. she’d accepted it with open heart. noritoshi would also teach her how to weld a bow and shoot arrows. she promised that she would go out on date with him if he taught her.

by the end of their first year, they became inseparable.

the idea of being apart from her hurts him physically and mentally. she took a sharp breath when he laced his fingers between her own, quickly telling the other person on the phone that she was okay. “it was just noritoshi,” she replied with a small laugh. their hands fit each other; his skin contrasted her slightly tanned skin. while his hands were rough from welding the bow and he kept his nail short and clean, hers were slightly softer with her nails painted prettily. this month she had her nails painted in pastel. all the girls’ day out with momo and mai had proven its importance. he was happy to provide her with his black card despite her discontent.

“analysing my hands now?”

he smiled slightly, “it looks very pretty. i guess i got my money worth. are they coming?”

she leaned on his shoulder, his own wrapped around her as she closed her eyes, “they are around the corner. i would definitely need another round this week,” she teased. kissing her forehead gently, he didn’t mind that his uniform was stained with her blood; he was glad that she’s safe.

“i’ll happily take you there.”

few years later;

noritoshi kamo almost lost his mind. the stadium was half destroyed, huge craters on the pitch with the sight of his wife nowhere to be found. he looked up to the black pitch curtain encasing the stadium area from the sky, a curse escaped his lips.

“where the fuck are you?” he grunted, scanning the area.

she is gone, his stubborn little wife. she could’ve just wait but annoyed that their dinner date was interrupted and eager because this was their first mission together as a married couple; she escaped his supervision. as they were dealing with minor curses outside, she decided to head on forward, leaving him to deal with whatever is left. he beat himself inside for letting her come, he could easily do this himself and send her home safely, but she blinked her eyes and he was weak. she always has her way with him.

his step stopped when he realised there was a shadow ahead.

“she’s pretty,” the thing said.

his blood ran cold, “what did you do to my wife?”

the curse let out a laugh. it was sinister enough to send chills down his spine. especially when he realised the head it was stepping on was his wife. her eyes were fluttering back and forth, struggling to stay awake. a howl shocked him, shivers down his spine at the painful whimpers her shikigami making. cursed spirits were devouring it alive, overwhelming it and chewing every part of its body. his wife was too weak to dispel the shikigami; it’s dangerous as the devoured wolf shikigami will drain her cursed energy by a second.

all shikigami linked directly to the owner; everything inflected to the wolf, she could feel it too.

he needed a plan.

hidden in his wedding ring was a retractable knife. he rarely carries blood bags anymore as his power solidified itself. the older he got, the better he was at using and controlling a small steady flow of his own blood straight from the tap. with a clap of his hands, the knife cut his hand enough to send blood shooting like bullets. the blood hit the curses straight to its cores, died out instantly on impact, but the shikigami was beyond salvageable. it let out one last howl, one last goodbye before dropping to the ground, half of his snout gone. she will be devastated, it’s her only shikigami she managed to tame at such a young age, but at least it has stopped the shikigami from stripping his wife’s cursed energy to its core.

the fire burning in his eyes only made the curse laughed. he kicked her body away, spurting blood out of her mouth. she was halfway close to death’s doorstep.

“i will fucking murder you,” he hissed.

“my blood is my power. it’s supposed to rot human, stripping its meat from the bone like acid. however,” the curse nudged her body, “your wife didn’t. humour me, did your blood tainted hers? tell me, i’m curious how.”

“are you going to chit chat because i don’t have whole day.” his blood dripped on the pitch.

the curse grinned, shrugging his shoulder. he kneeled, running his bloody fingers on her cheeks leaving trails of flowers pattern that dissipated immediately, “i’m not here to fight. i’m here to serve a warning,” he looked up to the tensed sorcerer, “for gojo satoru. tell him, we’ll be waiting for him in shibuya.” noritoshi’s face scrunched in confusion.

“we have no business with the gojos.”

“but she is. she could change her name, married you, but it doesn’t erase the fact that she carried gojo’s blood in her vein. she’s the bridge to your two clans. i’m just killing two birds with one stone. ruin the kamo clan’s relationship with gojos and hurt gojo satoru. all thanks to her,” the curse turned his back on him, his laugh echoed as he walked away. the dark curtain disappeared slowly as the ground rumbled. a perfect chance for noritoshi to strike if it wasn’t because of the cursed spirit’s words gluing him to his spot, “oh, kamo, i believe a congratulation is overdue. let me know when’s the baby is due, i would love to drop by personally.”

the pillar holding on to the roof collapsed sending wave of dust all over the place. noritoshi covered his face, coughing as he sucked some in, removing his coat as a shield. the cursed spirit was no where to be found.

“the place is going to collapse! i’ll get the curse, you go get her!”

a voice echoed and he caught a glimpse of blond hair running past him and noritoshi didn’t think twice as he sprinted around the cracks and holes. who was that voice or who was the curse, he couldn’t give a single fuck, he just wants his wife back. he was shaking when he got to her, arms immediately scooped her up in his arms. her chest was raising slowly, blood dripping on the side of her lips as she struggled to exhale.

“you’re going to be okay,”

he told her, but he wasn’t sure if he will ever be.

“can you turn down the stupid light, it’s hurting my eyes.”

the voice laughed melodiously, the light moved to the other eye repeating the same thing.

“as you can see, she’s awake, slightly weak, but she should be okay.”

another voice interrupted, “are you sure?” she gasped, excited to hear a familiar voice. “nori?” she called out, unable to open her eyes, relying strictly to her hearing as she reached her shaky hands out for him. “her senses might be slightly off, just let her do it herself,” the woman’s voice noted, and she felt annoyed. how dare you underestimate me, her mind scoffed.

“my senses are fine. see?” she claimed as she held noritoshi’s hand up. he smiled, gently rubbing her hand with encouragement. “thanks, shoko, we are fine.”

“i’ll leave you be then. call me if you need anything.”

she listened to the clacking of shoko’s heels, followed by the door opening and slamming shut. she jumped, but he held her hand tighter, reassuring her that it’s alright. “so why can’t i see?” she asked, confident that they are alone now. she felt the bed sunk a little on the left side, “you were high on anesthesia, i’m surprise you could even move your jaw to speak.” she felt a finger brushed her hair aside, breath loomed on her face and she could feel her own face reddening up.

“are you going to kiss me or are you just going to tease me?” his heart swell up, despite her shaky voice almost made him laugh.

“do you trust me?” his hand cupped her cheek gently.

she nodded eagerly, “always.”

“good.”

his kiss hit her like a waft of fresh air. every kiss felt like a first kiss to her that she couldn’t help to react so eagerly to it. his tongue slipped through her defense, overwhelming her taste buds with such strong taste of iron. it didn’t stop her. she knew what he was doing from start. he peeked a little, didn’t stop a second from kissing her as he watched his blood marking appeared on her face. her hands went up around her neck pulling him closer and he obeyed, deepening the kiss.

heal; his mind commanded.

after a while, she pulled back, being the one to break apart from the kiss first, her chest raising up and down as she struggled to catch her breath. her eyes were wide open now, fluttering lazily as she leaned back on the propped-up pillow. he wiped the corner of his lips, eyes on her as he watched the open wound on her face and arms slowly closed leaving the fresh healed red marks behind. he relaxed when he heard a thank you coming from her, as she checked her healed arms.

“i’m disappointed with you,” he finally broke the silence.

“really?” she frowned. he always does this thing where he will immediately go into lecture mood every time she does something that pisses him off. it’s almost like a game to her as she waited for him to explode, “right now? not even going to wait until i’m discharged. this is a new record, toshi. like shoko said, i’m fine.” he shook his head, “it doesn’t make it right. you always disobeyed me. ignored my orders, going about with your goddamn big head, you could’ve been killed.”

she rolled her eyes, noritoshi is being noritoshi, what a drama queen, she mentally rolled her eyes, “but i’m not,” she pushed her hair back, twisting it easily into a simple loose knot, “i told you, i am not weak.”

“your shikigami was destroyed, your blood was poisoned, 70 percent was already circulating to every part of your vein, i had to beg for the higher up to help purify your blood,” her smile died down. this game no longer feels fun for her. noritoshi was really mad this time. “you think it’s fun and all game but game over, y/n. you need to stop doing this. if you can’t do it for me, do it for yourself.”

“leave me alone, nori, if you just going to nag, please i don’t want to hear it. i’m tired.”

it made him angry that she was taking his word lightly. running his hand in his messy hair, he felt like hauling his head to the wall.

“you don’t understand-”

she slammed her hand on the bed, interrupting his words, “no YOU don’t understand me, i’m tired of you babying me. i’m an adult, i am your wife, stop treating me like a fucking child! we have been married for months, but god you’re suffocating me.”

“i will when you stop endangering yourself. i will stop treating your like a child when you stop acting like one. you’re pregnant, for the love of god!” he threw his hand on the wall. the wall cracked from the force. “i’m what?” she felt the world stopped spinning. she was hundred percent sure that her ears and head were deceiving her. he removed his hand from the hole he made on the wall, his body shaking from the amount of anger building up.

“noritoshi, answer me! what do you mean- i’m not pregnant, i had my period this month.”

“you are,” he shrugged. he felt something hit him in the back; looking down he saw the fluffy white pillow sitting by his feet.

he pointed to the bedside table where a sonogram perched up against a tissue box. she was about to lose her mind. “this is not funny, if this is your mean way of fucking me up because i won’t listen to you then this is just fucking cruel.”

he marched towards him, his hand went down on his chin, forcing her eyes on him, “until you stop playing your stupid games, until you stop treating your life like it’s nothing, until you consider my feelings and my worries, as your husband is valid, i do not exist in your life,” tears fell down her cheeks, “like you, i’m tired too.

“nori i-“

he left her before she could say a word. she broke into sob; her chest was pounding so hard that the blood pressure monitor was beeping. the door burst opened but it was not the face she wanted to see. she was immediately hysterical. satoru managed to hold her wrist down before she ripped the tubes and needles off her arms. “no, no, i want nori. where is he!” she screamed as satoru held her down. “you need to calm down, it’s not good for the baby,” satoru cooed, but she was not having it. he turned to shoko, “her cursed energy is skyrocketing, she’s going hysterical, do something!”

“let me go!”

shoko held out a syringe, “hold her down.”

she screamed, thrashing so rough that she almost slipped out of the strongest sorcerer’s hands. she managed to get a needle out before she felt another sharp pain on her back. shoko pulled the empty needle out and they retreated away as she fell on her butt backward. she was reduced to a babbling mess, her eyes drooped as she struggled to fight the waves of sleepiness hitting her one after another.

“tell him i’m sorry,” she croaked out, before everything turned completely dark.

the blood pressure monitor returned back to normal.

three days later;

“are you still going to ignore her? it’s been 3 days.”

“she needs to learn her place.”

gojo satoru disagreed. he eyed the head of the clan, shaking his head before standing up. he thought he could convince noritoshi kamo to visit his wife, but the man was as stubborn as- huh, her.

“i think she have learned enough, she’s miserable. you’re miserable.”

the man glared at the blonde man child, raising the cup of tea up for a sip. the tea doesn’t taste as good as the way she made it. he left her for 3 days and he found himself struggling to do everything alone.

he, noritoshi kamo, 23 years old and the head of the kamo family, could not make a cup of fucking tea.

she always said that the best way to make tea depends on how long you let it steep. “too early and you won’t get the right amount of flavour,” she explained, her back facing him as he watched from the counter as she loomed over the stove, “but if you steep it way too long you going to burn the tea leaves and it will make everything taste bitter.” she turned around, a huge smile on her face that made his heart skipped a beat.

he frowned; the tea tasted bitter.

“she’s pregnant, she’s supposed to be crazy. you are supposed to be the wise one. she is going to carry your child for 9 long months, i can’t explain to you how long that’s going to be but she is allowed to be crazy.”

he dropped the cup on the floor when gojo’s hand grabbed him by his collar, pulling him up from his chair.

“now please, see your goddamn wife before i deck you in the mouth.”

“i will.”

satisfied with his answer, gojo’s demeanor changed and he was again the man child they all know of him. noritoshi could no longer focus on the report in front of him; not when his mind is full of her and only her.

would she forgive him? he wasn’t sure.

but he would spend his lifetime making up to her and the baby if that’s necessary.

#I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE IS JUST AINT IT AND I MIGHT REMOVE IT #jjk #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi x y/n #jjk y/n #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo satoru #wild gojo appeared #tw blood #noritoshi x reader #i already have part 3.5 have written tho loool #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #writing: fics

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vyvesvi · 4 years

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i don't mean to annoy by being in your inbox every time ytsn breathes but any thoughts on we are young and super a warning ahead?

omg i’m never annoyed by this stuff, esp bc i usually don’t get to talk about them much!

let’s see... (warning: i tried to stay positive but failed. also this got long afff no pressure to read all of it lmfao)

we are young - controversial opinion: this is their best concept (to me in this moment, i could decide something else tomorrow lmao). the choreo isn’t bad and the song is catchy, even though the production quality of the studio version leaves a bit to be desired (it sounds tinny and not super full to me?). my main disappointment is with the live stage (...this is becoming a trend) where they messed up...kinda a lot. i feel like mistakes are normal but the ones they made were just incredibly noticeable and it’s telling to me that the camera angles couldn’t really hide them. the styling was awful for the most part but the concept was cute and i feel like zy is a lot more comfortable with long hair tbh.

super a warning ahead - i actually really enjoy the song! i think the way that they draw out some of the lines sounds a bit odd but the production and everything is much better than we are young. the reason why i put we are young above this one is because of the concept idea is general. like this song...doesn’t really go anywhere? like its...sweet? but not really interesting. the styling is sooooo much better, but the choreo is pretty boring, very give and take. I don’t mind a simple point dance because they have the potential to be iconic, memorable, and easily imitated, but the rest of the dance could’ve been a lot more interesting. but then again, they weren’t in sync in the dance performance video so like...idk. i feel like live performances are one thing, but prerecorded content should theoretically be better because they can do it in multiple takes? i don’t want to judge them *too* much but that is one are where i think they have been struggling (and i didn’t really expect it at all?)

so nothing that’s gonna make me unstan but it’s clear to me that their preparations were rushed. i wish they would like. take a month or two to regroup. i don’t want them gone for that long but if these are the performances that we’re getting on their current preparations i think it’d be for the best.

i also don’t think they’re making use of their strong vocalists (xilin, wyj, znx, and czx). like 4/7 are main vocal material and they could be doing a lot more with that. of course the issue is that the remaining members aren’t really comfortable with rapping and are (comparatively) weak singers, but they don’t make use of xiening or yifan’s dance abilities well either. i’ve said this before (and i’ll try not to hammer it in too much because it’s a pretty biased opinion) but watching zy do dance breaks with or after xiening is like...tragic. like idky they’re setting her up so bad but they need to stop TTTT

as a group they also kinda lack stage presence together. like individually most of them have pretty solid presence but idk what happens when they’re together bc they don’t really sync up?

//edit: okay at this point i decided that i was maybe being too harsh so i started analyzing the debut stages and mvs for rocket girls/hjsn and the9. it didn’t help and ended up being a ramble so feel free to skip lmfao

ytsn & hjsn: bc hjsn debuted with 8 members (minus already debuted meiqi and xuanyi & main vocal zining) and not their full 11 they’re kinda comparable to ytsn as they are now. while ytsn’s styling is somehow better, hjsn’s sync and energy, even taking into account their members who aren’t great dancers, is kind of on a different level (partially biased though, despite that fact that i’m not fully a stan they’re my number one pick for most balanced gg of all time). i’m going to guess that even though they’re produced by the same company that their teams and company philosophy regarding management is completely different. the choreo quality is quite different and ytsn seems to favor debut rank a lot more. of course, meiqi and xuanyi were featured very prominently when they came back but the formations weren’t as stagnant as ytsn’s seem as of now? both groups are similar in that their main dancers (mengjie and xiening) ranked relatively low and therefore didn’t get to show their full ability very often. also an important difference between hjsn and ytsn is that hjsn’s main rapper is kind of legendary and was well known for her ability before the show so. there’s not really a comparison there (for the record though, i like curely’s rapping i just think 1.) it’s a waste given her vocal ability and 2.) she hasn’t been given really long verses because while she has talent she’s not “a rapper” in the typical way).

the9 & hjsn: idk if u watched qcyn2 but i decided to watch a bit of it since i thought it was kinda interesting that the two final groups would be debuting at the same time. to compare the two...ytsn’s vocals are stronger and i think that’s generally accepted as fact. like yuyan is really good but they put so much pressure on her (personally i think anqi and shaking could share the burden but idk). other than that everyone else is a subvocal and/or rapper, so by default the9 wins the rap category. oddly enough, because there are so many rappers they can’t have those longer satisfying verses because they have to share the lines, which impacts their....impact for lack of a better word. there’s kinda no other way to do it without everything being super uneven so i get it though. that leaves dance and stage presence. i think that individually anqi and xiening eat everyone else alive, but comparing group to group...the9 wins for their sync alone, but notably ytsn has performed more and have one more song with choreo. i don’t know i would say that they’re super uneven in presence, but i do feel that because of the number of members with previous stage experience in the9, they are more comfortable performing.

for fun i once took the 16 members of the9 and ytsn and redistributed them into more balanced lineups of 8

team one:

yuxin - vocal, lead dancer 2, sub rapper 1

anqi - lead vocal, main dancer

yuyan - main vocal 2

keyin - main rapper

keran - lead rapper

curley - main vocal 1

yifan - vocal, lead dancer 1

zhaoyue - vocal, lead dancer 3, sub rappper 2

team two:

yijin - main vocal 2

zhuoxuan - main vocal 1

xiening - main dancer, sub vocal 2

nene - lead vocal 1

xueer - sub rapper, lead dancer 1

esther - sub vocal 1

jiaqi - main rapper, lead dancer 2

xiaotang - lead rapper

i lowkey stacked the first team with both centers, anqi, and keyin but whatever

anyways based on how i feel about the other debuts i kinda think im being mostly fair to ytsn? especially because i think they’ll grow a lot as a group over the next two years. i’d be a lot more concerned about their vocals if that was the problem because that’d be the hardest thing to fix but they don’t have to worry about that!

anyways i’m gonna cut myself off here because this has turned into...a lot but if you have thoughts definitely share them, i’d love to hear!!!

#ytsn #vague-80s-bongo

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http-lovecult · 5 years

Text

BTS Scenarios; How You Met pt.2

a/n: idky it took so long to get this part uploaded cus i’ve had it written for a while but here it is. pt3 will be the final pt and it’ll be maknae line. i wanna get it uploaded tuesday or wednesday :)

JOON

Summary; y’all met in the book store.

You were sitting in a little nook at the local bookstore, that you always go to in your free time. You were reading your book that you’d been reading for quite some time, and were coming towards the end of it. It was a really interesting book romance novel-your favorites-and when you were just about to turn the page-

“He dies at the end.” an unknown voice said, towering in front of your sitting frame.

You looked up and-oh shit. It was that fine ass nigga, you always saw in the store and y’all would even make eye contact.

You always wanted to talk to him, but you know when somebody is like...too fine? Well that nigga is three fine. So long story short, you never got the guts to approach him.

But that did not mean he could just waltz his fine ass into your nook (wtf? lol), and ruin the book for you.

“Wha-” you said in awe. This man really just spoiled the entire book. “Who gave you the right?” you exclaimed waving the book around.

“Im kidding~!” he laughed.

“Oh.” you whispered putting the book down.

“Damn. Almost hit me with that book.” he said wiping his shoulders.

“Good.” you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

“You come here often?” he asked sitting down beside

‘you‘yOU cOme HeRe ofTEn’ is really what you wanted to say. He knew damn well he saw you all the time.

“Do i come here often?” you asked hinting around the fact he knew you did.

“Well- i mean- of course you do- I’ve seen you around here a lot” he said awkwardly.

“I mean, yeah i like it in here. It’s pretty chill.” you sighed. “I’m guessing you come here often? I see you around.”

“You don’t ever say nothing to me.”

“You never say anything to me” you clapped back.

“Fair point.” he said and you both laughed.

“I never got your name.” you said turning around towards him more.

“Kim Namjoon. You?” he stuck his hand out.

“y/n l/n.” you returned the handshake.

“Oh, that’s pretty.” he said smiling, making your face and ears all tingly.

“Thank you~” you said a little shyly .His phone started to ring

“Oh- I’m sorry, i gotta go. I hope we can talk more from now on, though.” he said getting up from the floor.

“Oh okay. Bye!” you waved him goodbye.

“See you around, y/n.” He smirked walking away.

After that day, you and Namjoon started to talk more at the bookstore. Then y’all started going on dates to the coffee shop, trips to the park and things like that. You guys are still in the “talking” phase and both agree to take it slow. :)

HOBI

summary; Hobi pretends not to know the dance so you’ll stay longer to teach him.

“Hobi. I‘m gonna show you again. Look at my feet this time.”

You had been teaching these boys this dance for so damn long. Everybody was getting it, except Hoseok.

People kept telling you he was the main dancer. Why wasn’t he getting the simplest part?

“5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8“ you pointed down at your feet twisting over each other, slowly so he could pick it up.

You looked up from your feet and at Hobi in the mirror, who was standing behind you. He was literally staring at your ass. Again. You didn’t take any offense to it, though-I mean he is around men 24/7. You actually thought it was funny.

“Hobi!!!” You chuckled and walked backwards where he was.

“I’m so sorry. Oh my god. I just can’t get this part.” he said shaking his head.

“Well you would if you kept your eyes from veering off.” you said hinting that you saw him.

“Okay, okay! i got it this time.” he said clapping and getting ready for the music Que.

“Okay! from the top everybody! 5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8” You said getting all the boys to practice the dance together.

Hobi was doing really well until the part where you had to keep teaching him over came up. It was like he completely stopped himself. As if he wanted to mess up.

“Stop! Stop! everybody stop.” you said waving your arms walking to Hoseok. “Hoseok, you’re not even trying.”

“I am~! This part is really tough though!” he pouted.

“Sure.” you said dryly. You picked up on what he was doing.

There was NO way in hell this man, Jung Hoseok, main dancer of BTS, couldn’t pick up a simple dance step.So you played along. This time, being more flirty while teaching him the dance. Over and over, you taught him the dance, pretending not to know what he was up to.

When the dance session ended, Hobi was still up to his little act. You agreed to give him extra practice for his little dance move that was just sooo hard to get. During the sessions, you two became close and Hobi ended up asking you out, you said yes, blah blah blah y’all lived happily ever after.

a/n: i haven’t been having many ideas and it shows TT and this was maybe one of the wackest pieces i’ve ever written ‘94 line deserved more :’(

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just2bubbly · 2 years

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Selection

Thanks for the ask Rita!!! I had no idea you have read Selection!! And I have answered with respect to the 1st 3 books only, so my bad if you were looking for 2nd gen answers!!!

ilysm for sending the ask <3

The first character I first fell in love with: well, I'd say America- I'm not even sure right now, it had probably be Aspen or America- but I did dislike them later for a while so who knows- does Maxon count here? cuz, yes he is THE ONE (no pun intended lol)

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Celeste Newsome, I never thought I had love her and hard-core stan her in the books, like at first I thought she was an absolute bitch only in the group for the crown and then damn, my darling goes on to be a absolute love to America... she didn't deserve to die like that.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Marlee, idk but I just didn't like her much, nothing wrong with her- she is great but I guess she is sorta a little bit too hyped. I had choose Celeste over her for multiple reasons, still no hate to her- she went through a lot but the way she is portrayed later in the last 2 books I don't like it, especially not how she treats Kile.

The character I love that everyone else hates: I don't think I love any 'villainy' character, I might have someone like that but I don't really remember everyone from the book rn

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: Amberly, no disrespect but really she could have been a lot more, I did like her at one point especially after that camera scene with the girls and the Queen but really she could have and should have done something for Maxon and about the way Clarkson treated her. I just feel that she could have done a better role, an active role in both her personal and professional life

The character I would totally smooch: Celeste, no doubt there ;)

The character I’d want to be like: Maxon, like my man, he is so good and nice and hot too- I can't forget that yk!! But no fr is too forgiving and kind, I wish I could have a bit of his generosity and forgiving and caring nature- he is a bean of sunshine, no doubt!!

The character I’d slap: A lot of them, Clarkson first tho

A pairing that I love: Maxamerica <3 - these two are so smitten, idky America waited for so long to marry Maxon.

A pairing that I despise: Kriss and Maxon... c'mon everyone knows she is in only for the crown and he didn't really love her.

#rita supremacy #ask game #ty for the ask <3 #:)))

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running-from-demons-inside · 3 years

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I’m in a place in life where I’m happy but I’m not truly happy. I feel like it’s just going to be ruined by something I always have that fear I’m on the verge of breaking and idky...well I kind of know I am surrounded by people 24/7 I feel like I have to hide my emotions. At work I have to be happy and bubbly, at home I have to put on a face for my bf y idk I just have to and at my partners’ place I put on a face so they don’t have to worry about me. I don’t like when people worry about me I’m not important to be worried about there’s a lot of people and things that are more important to worry about. I truly wish I would have died last year a lot of things would have been better if I did..... sometimes I think I should end it but I go against that trying my hardest to fight but it’s hard the thoughts are loud and only getting louder it’s so hard harder than it ever has been; and I don’t think I can survive them much longer I’m tired so tired....

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myinnerwasteland · 5 years

Text

I hate that there’s

not enough time in the world to do everything.

Theres not enough hours in a whole day to do all things I want to do man. It’s sucks extremely. Everything’s just lined up and I wanna do all them things I can and want to do but I can’t because of me ultimately minus the other factors in life. It’s me. Now I have a job. Finally. But it’s taking up all my time even on my scattered couple days off I relax because it’s literally needed and it goes by so quick like my do nothing days. I don’t know how to go about it. How shall I do things? And what the fuck on Earth are these feelings man. Gotta find a way to pause them but it’s fucking relentless and the off buttons mia. There’s vibes at work, people everywhere, mindless heavy work and sad little me walking about making mistakes and fixing them and putting in work and talking to people without wanting to really and i just can’t tell if I’m putting up a front or not. I don’t know if that’s the jolly me I brag about and that I know myself as or if I just do it because I don’t know how else to behave but nicely and highly energetic and enthusiastically. Just honestly what the fuck do I do with all this life? Shit its 7 minutes past midnight. And it’s clicked. Happy fucking birthday to my ass. God I can’t say in words how this day coming around makes and has made me feel for months. The big ass bitchin 20. Idk why I’m complaining like it’s a fat three zero bc to most people my life’s just started. To me it literally really and truly is dooming and I hate the whole idea of it. When I was 17 I wanted it to last longer. When I was 18 I wanted it to be permanent. When I was 19 just moments ago I wanted to settle for it. I didn’t want to be an age I was no longer a teen. When you’re not that people expect you to act your age and it’s a serious thing then. It’s still expected at teen years but not as surprising bc your still in your adolescent years doing dumb and reckless shit. And yes I spent 19 doing just that. For multiple reasons going as me being a natural fuck up to just not caring with what ever I do to actually wanting to also do dumb shit. 18 was a good age to stay permanent because I was legally an adult and could accounting the law roam with a piece of ID and qualify myself as my own person. 17 was just a golden age to be. That was the mid point of comfort. Dumb and smart and old enough and young at the very same time. Immersing into adulthood yet equivalently latched to the past 16 years of innocent youth. As you get older youth stays but increases with some venemous symptoms. It is no longer sunsets and rainbows full of more laughter and ignorant bliss. It gets darker, wilder, mature, things like welcome to the real world, make do and diy. You start to get your hands dirty and make real messes out of things and be the people who are parents taught us not to be. We become the inevitable damage content of this world like every other adult who was also once young and carefree. We’re all so innocent then boom as we get older we become dangerous. Every age shapes us and makes us a version of ourselves we were once different to not long before. Mad that. We also become smarter each passing year so what makes us a danger is exactly that. We know what to do, how to go about things, we are sane and have sense and real firm control of our words and manoeuvres and with that we purposely cause problems even through subliminal moves. That is being older. Being an adult. It’s where “act your age” kicks at you. Bc you’re no longer futile and brainless. You’ve now officially become something artificial like anyone else is. Nothing new, nothing special. Just older.

I’ve said this before but I’m gonna say it again.. I tend to usually drift of topic and continue into a subject of something relative but not the point I should be sticking to. I always do this and I get more ongoing content out instead of what else I might have wanted to say regarding my original point. I jump from one thing to another and I can’t help it but at least I say things that are real right? Whatever comes to mind it just spills on here despite the point. That can be talked about if I remember it again or not

(00:20)

Rn I’m tired mixed with shitty feelings and watching some Justin timberlake movie on tele. (This is me coming back to say it wasn’t that great and dad pestered me to go up to bed so I never saw the end, wasn’t worth it then) God it’s always been forever when I come back to watch tv. It’s like I got to make time for it even though I don’t really. But when I want to it’s usually at night at a time like this and I hope anything is on from a good block buster movie down to anything like gogglebox even. Just want some of that tv nature to bring me back to something normal (I think I meant to say that as the reason idky it just got typed). I love tv or so I did. I barely spend time with the sofa and the big screen in front of me since I got lazy and sad over a year ago. Funny how among all the hundreds of interlinked factors does it shape a new lifestyle. Every facet of life and me and exisitance plays a harmless yet powerful game. It’s mad how I used to be not a year ago and how I am months down a line compared to the old me. It feels like years and years in between but it’s not. This is me. Everyday it’s a new me. Everyday I change exponentially with my moods and infiltration of hella sadness. I can’t get away from it. I’m immersed into this new me whose no longer definitive to the new term anymore. It’s quite old now but always the latest version seeing as I haven’t changed the persona of me since it came forward and consumed me. Let’s talk about consumption? Kay lets. Like I always say I know myself. Knowing yourself doesn’t mean shit to nothing else alive but to you. You’re a different you in every other mind of every pair of eyes that’s seen you. Even if it was a stranger walking by. They saw you. Mindlessly they saw you in mere sight and that’s it. Quick glance and take in of appearance or sometimes a little more with a minor thought upon you. You’re seen nevertheless as versions you will never know yourself and never of the version you really are. You don’t even know the real version of you. You only know most of you bc you know your interest and hobbies and things like that. Other people say won’t know all of that but only some and the way they see you because they’re literally outside of your body and seeing you through their eyes and not from your own mind. So yeah me knowing me I can’t say why I’ve allowed myself to get like this and be so caught up in feelings that are unpleasant and disturbing. My reasons would simply be things like bc I wanted to bc I didn’t care to close any doors I was meant to close in my head. Bc I wanted to be sad really. Bc I’m also alone but that’s minor bc I only figured that out recently. Other pointless reasons may occur too like not taking care when I really was being pushed to help myself but I don’t take growing hands. I have a problem with saying yes to things that’ll harmlessly benefit me. I just say no politely like don’t trouble yourself for me. Like I don’t want that. Who am I? I mean I know who I am and my worth. It’s fucking up there bro. But people don’t see me and shouldn’t see me as worthy of taking help. Like I can’t put it in words so I’ll give up on that. But my pint is I can’t justify in explaining as to why I say no to any simple help. A guy offer me a bag to carry two heavy bottles of coke? Na it’s alright really fast and I zoom out and away like what was the reason for a mini nervous breakdown and say no for? Am I okay? It’s really like I cba you should never have opened your mouth bc really and truly it would be a great help if these bottles can be bagged and carried instead of it cradled in my arms but I cba for the excerion. That’s it! Mental and physical effort. Like without even thinking this. It’s just a feeling and I literally can’t deal with that. So I automatically say no. I’ve gone off topic agains nd forgot my point smh

Next thing I wanna put out here is that my music hasn’t been very obliging past three nights. Two nights I dunno I didn’t even put in and sleep bc I really wasn’t for it them couple nights and I felt like it was causing my head to feel some way. So I left it and slept freely when the moment came. The third night and a night after also too which was last night I plugged in my earphones at some point bc I could not not do it, it being such a habit. It still wasn’t gratifying as it usually is. The music was fine and great with what played. I was entertained nonetheless but my body and head was more worked out and tired than the past three months and I’d been drinking and smoking so I feel that also defo had some affect and influence on whatever I was feeling. It wasn’t good I tell you that. Aaaaaand I keep waking up incessantly every morning for time now. I can’t even remember when there was a time I woke up feeling good. These days and last year I’ve been waking up not pleasantly. It’s always something man. Literally. I have no soul to exaggerate any of what goes on with me on here. Here lies the truth. My blog. My sweet pretty blog. So yeah I wake up and it’s an ache in my head, remnant music echoes which are fine but make me wonder am I causing something in me? Things like bad dreams and I have like 50 in one night and the bad ones make me unhappy as I wake. There also this weird weird feeling I get just as I’m waking and it’s one I really can’t explain. It’s so bad like I’m half way conscious and half way not at all awake. I’m literally both and I get this feeling, it’s heavy and I wouldn’t say painful but it causes some kind of light hurt? Idk but I feel it immensely and it does come to my attention in the moment and I am not okay as to why this happens many mornings of when I wake. Like after it is over not that I pay attention but it does go away and I am either gone back to sleep or have woken up somehow now I just am not happy bc of the wake. Like your/my wake literally matters. I don’t like these numerous sensations I feel in my moment of waking. I want to be woken with ease and calmness and slowness like just how a breeze comes pleasantly on a hot summers day. I wanna be woken softly and beautifully like that.

Okay I’m not done talking but I’m tired so gonna tap out now (02:59)

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girls-are-fucking-pretty · 7 years

Note

1-30

1. describe your idea of a perfect date ⁃ mm i haven't put too much thought into this, but I think it would be really cute to take a girl to the beach in the evening, and then buy her gelato, and theennn after we'd walked a bit we would like lay back on the sand by a fire pit or somethin, and watch the moon and the stars and talk about life and trivial shit2. whats your “type” ⁃ um I always find myself hella attracted to people with short hair, especially if it's dyed some crazy color. Idky but that seems to be more successful at getting my attention. Also if you have freckles,,, or tattoos oml. But I find all kinds of people attractive, and I would never limit myself in that department:)3. do you want kids? ⁃ One or two probably. But I wanna make sure I take care of myself and do all the things I can do in my youth before I commit myself to something like a family.4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth? ⁃ Honestly, I love the idea of adoption, so I'd probably do that with one of the kids, but then I also think I'd wanna experience childbirth or have a child with some of my dna in them. So I guess adoption and artificial insemination are what I'm looking at 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on ⁃ mm well I've only been on like three dates ever, but I'd have to say the first one I've ever been on was the cutest. We went to kerbey lane (which is like a cafe that serves pancakes at night; it's fuckin awesome), and we basically opened up to each other about how much we'd stalked each other in the halls for like the past year (she was a senior, I was a sophomore, so we didn't share any classes). We got to know each other a bit, and then we went and got frozen yogurt. I was a nervous, awkward mess throughout the entire thing, but she was really sweet and comforting about it, so I still felt like. Special:). It was nice 6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?) ⁃ Um. I would need experience having sex to describe my first experience having sex 😂 NEXT QUESTIOOOON, BEFORE THE LONELINESS HAS TIME TO SET IN7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay? ⁃ oh definitely a night time gay. That's the best time to stalk my prey, ya know? How tf a bitch gon catch her hoes in the daylight?(see it's funny because I'm forever alone)8. opinion on nap dates? ⁃ you mean like a date where all you do is sleep and cuddle???!!! UMTHAT SOUNDSFUCKIN AWESOMEBitch I need to go on nap dates more often with myself thooWith another person tho? AMAZING9. opinion on brown eyes? ⁃ Gorgeous af. Whenever the light hits them, they turn gold or like a deep red, and sometimes they have a bit of green in them, and idk I think they're beautiful as helll. They also have this really warm, inviting quality to them.10. dog gay or cat gay? ⁃ Doggo gay. Their only desire in the entire world is to make you happy, and honestly I love dogs so much more than people because they have the purest, most beautiful and loving souls on the planet. Although I wouldn't be opposed to cats 🤷‍♀️. I've never owned one before, but I think they're fucking cute, and also me as fuck. Who knows? we could get along.11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles? ⁃ Hell yeah. Why not?12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone ⁃ If they're not interested in you, your family, how your day went, your wellbeing. . . Basically I want someone to care about me as a person. I don't want to date, or really even be friends with, someone who only likes to talk to me because I'll listen to all their problems and care about them unconditionally, without really showing the same type of (or any) interest in me.13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one? ⁃ Lmao I've always known I was into girls, but I didn't know what a lesbian was until I was like in 4th or 5th grade. So once I figured that out, I was kinda just like "oh shit dat me", and uhm didn't really have preconceptions of what lgbt people were before I found out I was one. But I heard people talk about it being immoral a lot, and I didn't understand why, so I used to have this really dumb obsession with looking up YouTube videos of religious people debating activists and scientists about the morality of sexuality. And it would make me so upset, because I would always feel so frustrated and hopeless afterwards. I felt like I needed to change just so I could be appreciated and live a normal life. And I felt so alone, because as far as I knew, I was the only lesbian in my vicinity, and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. So those were my feelings about being gay in the beginning 😂 not good14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self-You're gonna try to like guys in sixth grade. Don't, it's a waste of your fuckin time15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders? ⁃ lmao not applicable ✌️ 16. who is an ex you regret? ⁃ Uhm if you're only counting ex girlfriends, I've had none of those, soooo 😂 But I've had a lot of "things" where I opened up a lot to the other person because I have a severe condition known as U-Haul Lesbo™, and I regret pretty much all of those because I ended up caring a hell of a lot more about them than they did me, and it was really just a waste of my fuckin time. Not to say it wasn't my fault that I got so attached tho; I'm just a hella clingy bitch, and it comes back to bite me. But idk they also helped me grow a bit, so I guess that's good? I don't let people step on me as much?17. night club gay or cafe gay? ⁃ Night club gay all the way, nnts nnts nnts nnts18. who is one person you would “go straight” for ⁃ UHM EW. NO ONE. NEVER. Penii are gross af19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay? ⁃ video game gaaaaaayyyyyy SO HARD. I used to read a lot of books, but school has kind of ruined that fun hobby for me, plus I can't stay awake whenever I read anymore 😂 my attention span has shrunk to the size of an apple seed thank you v much20. favourite gay ship (canon or not) ⁃ Wayhaught, and I haven't even watched Winonna Earp. That's how much I ship it.21. favourite gay youtuber ⁃ Ari Fitz probably. She fine as hellChanging my answer to question 1 to Ari Fitz 👌 22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person? ⁃ I've never asked out anyone so, nope. I have had a couple straight crushes (sexualities pending, some of them), but gay people are infinitely more attractive imo 😂 23. have you ever been in love? ⁃ I thought maybe a couple of times, but nah24. have you ever been heartbroken? ⁃ Yeah, but who hasn't? 🤷‍♀️ that's just how the ball rolls25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone ⁃ If I find myself wanting to be held by them or eaten out by them or kissed by them or whatever, then logically they'd have to be . . . Not me. So I guess that's how I determine whether i want to be them or be with them. It depends on whether I see them as competition or game. 26. favourite lgb musician/band ⁃ Mm I don't know of many, but Hayley kiyoko 👌 Also Halsey's a gay too, right ? Idk, but I also really like her stuff:)27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays ⁃ Have patience. You live in a world where fellow gays are relatively few and far between, so it may take a while before you can really put yourself out there. Also your parents most likely will not understand what it means to be gay, nor will they probably treat you like they should in the beginning. Have patience with them, and remind them to treat you in the ways you want to be treated (if it's safe). Eventually, it will be okay when you leave to find your own way in the world and get in touch with your fellow gays, and won't have to suppress your gay any longer :). Or that's what I tell myself lol, I have yet to actually leave the nest 28. are you out? if so how did you come out ⁃ I'm out to my parents, my sister, anyone who asks, anyone who figures it out, and anyone I'm interested in. I don't really "come out" to people, because I don't typically feel like that's something they need to know about me. Unless they're curious. Or cute. Or tryna hit me up and they got a dick. But yeh, I was forcefully removed from the closet when my parents found out I had a girl in middle school 😂. I had this chick in my phone as "*insert name here*

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