#in reference to that one post I did with little thumbnails of them in different fits

[st-hedge]

It doesn’t feel like winter until I’ve drawn link in a big ol green coat

#loz #legend of zelda #loz oot #ocarina of time #ganlink #link #ganondorf #in reference to that one post I did with little thumbnails of them in different fits #if anything is weird and skewed #I blame the beer in my hand

[dorkfruit]

i put this together using my computer's trackpad so the new year is already starting out . bad .

posts: J | F | M | A | M | J | J | A | S | O | N | D

template

reflections on the year, my plans for the future, some studies i did, and wips for the next year all down below for those who are interested

tldr; we will be ianthing next year so watch out!!

oh dear lord it's been another year. 2024! can you believe it! i don't talk much on this blog because i have a tendency to talk too much, but it's my little new year's treat, so here we go.

RECAP

i started taking drawing "seriously" in December of 2020, starting to do studies and stuff, and each year since i've ramped it up more and more. this year, i did. a lot of studies. there's probably like at least 200 more in my folder now (not including the 300 days worth of gesture drawings i did), with things like painting, faces, feet, poses, etc. anything i was struggling with, i went right into studying it. my art has been mediocre for a pretty long time now, and it's only the past few months where i feel i'm starting to get the hang of it, which is exciting!

more importantly, i started posting a lot more on this blog. i really like documenting my progress, looking on where i was before and seeing how i've improved. everytime i draw some fanart, im like, oooghh i can't wait to show my (: followers (: !! lots of locked tomb art of course. i've been trying to nail the energy of the different characters, which is why i enjoy books so much, because you get a lot of creative control. drawing ianthe is my fav of course, cause she's my lil nasty, but also i enjoyed doing designs for characters i hadnt thought about before, like judith.

in addition to the locked tomb, we had some new fandoms that got brief moments in between iantheposting: Fear and Hunger, Postal, Faith The Unholy Trinity, and a couple of old ones too, like We Have Always Lived In The Castle and The Merciless.

i posted about 115 times this year, although most of those are shitposts LOL i love posting stuff on my blog and showing people my stuff <3

THE FUTURE

my plans? do more ianthe art, of course. ill be working on more studies, probably going to work on developing a style, and figuring out how to paint. i'd like to do more actually finished pieces, but let's be honest, it'll still be mostly shitpost doodles. i'd like to do more weird stuff. i've been messing around with some gore and NSFW near the end of the year, and it's fun to draw for me. i like idk art that evokes some type of emotion, especially discomfort, and so i find that type of art fun to do, so if you don't enjoy what i've done thus far in that direction, perhaps this isn't the blog for you. i really like horror media, and so i want to do some stuff like that too.

for specifics, i like western type art, a comic book-esque style i'd like to aim for. but i'd like it to be a little more. weird with it. i find comic books often draw all the characters the same, and make all the characters traditionally attractive, and that's boring to me so i'll have to work on finding a way to keep things weird, while also appealing in a graphic sense. the worst thing my art could be is bland and forgettable.

locked tomb wise... more tridentarii art. need to be really weird with it. i have lots of wips planned, like i have a whole page worth of just thumbnails, so i wanna get some of those done. also i had a few animatics i wanted to do. mostly stupid shit, once i learn how to do animatics, then we'll do actual serious ones. id also like to do more comics. i have some comics storyboarded out with my girlies, i like telling a story so, need practice on that. id also like to develop a way to consistently draw them, for convenience sakes, so i'm not fighting for my life every single time i draw these characters. oh and i wanna do some outfit stuff. i draw them in like. generic clothes everytime but i'd like to come up with a few actual outfit designs, that i can just reference back to. and, of course, more shitposts. lots of stupid shit in 2024 for sure. there was something else i wanted to say here but i can't remember.

ART

oki enough rambling, here's some IMAGES for yall to look at i know everyone loves to look at images.

began this year by warming up with gesture sketches (almost) every day. i started with 20 poses (30 seconds each), and then in november i was like. ugh my hands suck i need to get better at hands, so i switched to doing 10 hand sketches (60 seconds each). i want my art to be very energetic so it's important that i do these !!

anatomy studies of extremities because i'm flopping at those -_- ive gotten better with hands but they're still a struggle. i hate feet tho still

need to get my painting game up. i joined an art forum to get advice, and the biggest suggestion i got was working on my values, so i did various value studies. also lots of faces because my faces flop !!

random doodles to work on drawing from imagination. on my "sketchbook" pages, as i like to call them, i'm usually pretty loose and messy, since the point is just to be drawing so often these will suck, but that's fine. i don't think very much when i draw faces on here either so they end up being in my Instinctive Style i suppose you could say

ianthe wip. i was planning to do a few drawings based on the idea of her having Missing Arm nightmares, but the lineart was intimidating to me so i haven't worked on this one more yet /: also there was going to be a toontown gay homosexual toxic yuri comic that i was gonna put here with it but the page is way too long so umm guess that'll have to wait.

...

anyways. thank you for reading if you got to the bottom of this! i appreciate all the support that i've been getting lately (extra big kissies for the same like 5 people who always reblog my posts youre the best). and we will be ianthing soo hard in 2024 so watch out!!

#and god bless. there is not a single background in any of these images. sketch on a white bg foreverz!! #my art #art meme #ianthe tridentarius #really got to tag her here bc . all this art is of her LOL

[fly-sky-high-arts]

i found you through your work on skurry's thumbnails and i really admire your art! i was wondering if you have any tips for blending/shading in your painting style since i struggle with that and you're pretty good at it. have a good day!

Hey thanks! I can try explain the best I can without loosing myself in what I'm trying to explain or confusing you in the process XD

I will be honest, and this isn't me being modest it's a general self critique but I am not very good with colors? (or backgrounds lol)

It's still something I'm trying to get to get a bit of a better hang of as well as do so in the way I will enjoy it and not make it too complicated and so far the simple rendering style seems to work out for me personally. Maybe something else could sit with you better but that's the joy of exploring the steps and methods in art, right? :3

Details bellow~

I'll try explain bellow what my general process is when making the slugcat paintings, as they seem to be the topic. I use different brushes for my other commissions and mix them around as I go but for slugcats specifically I used one brush (if not counting the pen tool I used to draw out and fill in the base color)

Detailed sketches help visualize the shape of what's being put down in base color but I'll use a simple one for this example:

With the base color in place, what I usually do is either: -Lock the layer like in this example and work on that single base where all the shaping and color will go on this layer -Create multiple layers of the base depending on what's closer to us or further (I used this for Gourmand and Spearmaster thumbnails), imagining segments like the arm closest to us as its own layer, then the body, then the back arm and so on, if the base shape has depth like that. (lock these as well)

The flat color then gets a gradient (gradient tool) that is worked with me shifting the hues and saturation on the color wheel to get more dark and colder shadow as well as warmer lighter highlight. You can play this in reverse and have cold highlights and warm shadows, depending what you feel like using for the piece

you can have the color palette somewhere visible if you want to reference these later on as you start to render shapes

Now, I have no way to personally explain shapes in detail so I will link a video on that, lighting and some more helpful stuff bellow the post.

What you have to think about is where the light is coming from. Based on the gradient made, here I kind of made it seem it's coming from the left upper corner or above the slugcat but how drastic it is will depend on stuff like what is actually around slugcat, where is it and how much light there is at all (if you look at the Artificer thumbnail, that is an example of little light but the source is also very dramatic red light of the ID drone thingy)

Note that you're allowed to make separate layer to make like a little guide I did above here on where the shadows will go and try base the render off of it.

This is the brush and its setting I'm using for slugcats. What's fun about this brush is that it's very soft but depending on the pressure means how much selected color it will apply to the area. (if you use paint tool SAI, the watercolor brush there applies this effect AND blending much better)

The brush works the way it blends depending where you set the tip and drag lightly. It took me a bit to get use to it but it will drag out the colors bellow it instead of applying color if not pressed too strong. You can use that to both add and blend colors BUT changing the size of the brush while doing so helps a ton.

What you mostly do next is "sculpt" the shape: You use darker color for depth and lighter to make things pop out.

You start of with most basic application on where the shadow and light are dropping by color picking the palette colors that were earlier applied for the gradient. The brush strokes should follow the shape itself (best way to think here is the same direction fur grows on cats and follow that haha)

COLOR PICK TOOL IS YOUR FRIEND~

You want to not just rely on the base palette colors but also color pick from shades and lights on the slugcat itself. Sometimes adding hues and tones between the already applied colors makes them feel more natural instead of using straight up shadow color. But this brush, as I mentioned earlier, is handy with blending stuff in, even if it's not super smooth.

Once you get the overall shadow and lighting done, you can start rendering with the same. What comes of the process is here is depending on how much time you want to spend shaping the look of the slugcat. I didn't had a lot of time but I got the gist of the slugcat down. Funny thing is that you can simplify this even more (and make it resemble cel shading haha)

What you can do after that is get more colors in, add more darker shadows and lighter highlights and like for this slugcat example, you can mix it up a bit. It's easier to stay consistent with colors but playing around by adding purples in blue shadows and light blues into warmer green highlights makes them pop out a bit more because now there are fresh colors in the mix.

(side note: You can use very dark and very light colors but it's prettier for the painting to not use any 100% black or white for anything like shading or highlights UNLESS you really want to have dramatic colors and negative space or such)

From this point on, you can basically adjust, shape, add, remove, work out the details etc. and mess around with how it looks. For practice purposes it's nice to keep it simple but trying to make more depth. I'm not the best at it, my work still feels rather flat but here is a tip that can help: Adding a layer above all layers, coloring it black and setting the layer option to saturation will make you see the colors in values. If you feel like they're too close to each other and too flat you can return to the base layer and add more depth with values to them, then recheck with the black saturation layer again by turning it on and off as needed.

(as you can see from my example, I am missing more darker colors around the neck and back arm haha)

What you come up with at the end again depends on you, what tools you trust using and how far you want to go with it.

At the end, I usually do adjustments to colors if needed. Say, the quick fix I can do to make up for missing shadows is to use one of the tone correction option, tone curve AND/OR color balance.

I usually use and play around with any of these (and sometimes level correction but not as often)

I adjusted base color (color balance and tone curve) and the background (desaturate it in shue/saturation/luminosity)

So uhhh

this isn't really like a tip of a sort, I can't really properly advice how to render since it's about tool preference and the personal process but I hope this was a bit insightful!

Here are some helpful videos that go into detail I could not work out via words or this process because they are multiple separate subjects that can help you learn about rendering colors:

#ask #about art #there is a bit more that goes on for the thumbnails themselves #like stuff about composition etc. #but hope this basic gist of the process is helpful still #as well as the videos linked

[wander-wren]

got another bot-spam comment on ao3, but this one is extra weird. let’s do some investigating!

for those not in the know, The Haunting is my dark whumpy “todoroki gets adopted by aizawa” fic. it’s also 60k words long. so right away i’m doubting this person read it. that plus the generic vibes? bot comment. but i’m also pretty sure i’ve heard of this channel before, specifically because it wasn’t crediting authors. hm. so i go check it out: http://www.youtube.com/@DnWhatIf

first of all, these are the videos i’m greeted with:

now, i don’t want to bash anyone’s taste, but this is so extremely not my thing. nooooo way. some of these read more like crackfic, which is fine, but tonally the difference is SO much. and just makes it even more glaringly obvious that they aren’t reading the fics they’re spamming or even giving them a cursory once-over (or putting strong filters on the bot? i’m not clear how bot comments work)

because this is the first thing you see about The Haunting:

i’m guessing, if it wasn’t completely random, it’s the fact that i tagged izuku as a character. and really it’s just lazy, the whole thing. it’s all bots. ai art in the thumbnail, ai voice reading the fic, bot making comment spam for you. zero respect. if this was an actual podficcer i would consider it! hell, i might even accept ai voice readings (MAYBE), if it was obvious there was a human person who cared behind them. it could certainly be a tool for good, since podficcing isn't very common (we love you podficcers. if i had a little bit more confidence i would be one of you).

but anyway, hang on, lets back up a step, because the whole reason i looked into this was the credits issue. the video “what if deku became a teacher at ua” (ugh) (i hate the title gimmick also) is going to be my guinea pig.

so in the little intro (also done by ai), it says “all credits to their respective authors” which, yikes. however, they do link to their permission statement and the fic in the description, so it….could be worse. but also, these are the comments

(and it continues like that for a bit)

the channel name also has a 4.0 after it [edit: it did when i started this post, then i got distracted for two days, and now it is gone. hm], which implies they’ve had a lot of trouble with keeping it up. so it seems likely that this is the channel i heard about stealing fics, they just finally learned to get permission and give credit to try and keep it up this time. the permission statement on this video is real (i wondered if they would just link to something else and assume no one would check), but even THAT author references being “freaked out” (positive?? unsure) when they heard of people finding their story on youtube. before giving permission to upload with credit. so that’s not great

also this sludgepit of content is absolutely the thing that attracts people with no patience clamoring for updates literally one day after the video goes up. go figure. bad vibes all around.

also, if you’re wondering about the quality of the reading (i’ve stumbled on some pretty good ai voices as of late!), it’s, uh. i don’t actually know about how all this works, but i feel like when you pick a voice to read a story it should at least be able to approximate character name pronunciation. and flow.

but alas.

i also don't want to bash the authors in question but the truth is from the very minimal poking around i did (not giving this channel any more of my time than absolutely necessary), the writing featured is....mediocre at best. which is fine and good for the fandom ecosystem and i will NEVER be anything but happy that people are writing and posting less-than-perfect works, especially since some of these premises are pretty unique and i think it's better to have the fic than not. we all start somewhere, fanfic is an excellent way to practice and get feedback at the same time, etc.

but these channels, these kinds of operations, they're going to prey on new and young authors and that's who is going to be saying yes to them. because they want the exposure, they want to be told their work is good enough for someone else to care to record it for youtube, they haven't been around long enough to recognize this for what it is: someone taking extreme shortcuts to get views and likes and a bit of notoriety off of other people's work. and that's shit.

and remember that youtube videos can be monetized!

now, i doubt this channel in particular has been monetized, although it does meet the minimum requirements as far as numbers go:

it shouldn't meet the requirements for the monetization policies, specifically these ones:

especially with the disclaimer in the beginning that the content is not their own--which might be why previous versions of the channel did not give credit. who knows.

however, youtube DID just have some scandals about people making videos that were pretty much entirely plagiarized, which were monetized, so i don't have the highest hopes in the world. still, it doesn't seem monetized, so no strikes against this particular creator for that, at least, but defo something to look out for if anyone ever brings up hosting podfics on youtube.

so yeah, bot spam, not a complete scam this time but definitely really sketchy, bad vibes all around. and i still kind of want to give them permission to use my fic just to see what would happen, lmao

#wren wrambles #ao3 #i probably shouldnt someone tell me not to #what i SHOULD be doing is writing the last chapter of haunting huh #AHHHHHHHHHHH #anyway. wren investigates really random shit pt 182326748

[rainingskeletons]

Hi I hope you're having a good day. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

I've been working on an OC for a while now and, I was wondering... How did you decide what design you wanted for slumber-sans? Was there a process?

I've been struggling with mine for a few months, so...

I feel like I'm in a hole, and I was hoping for some advice??

Heya, that's so exciting, it's fun to make OCs but I know it can be frustrating when you hit a wall!

I'll attempt to explain my process! Slumber-Sans changed a lot over the years and I think that's an important part of the development of an oc. Let them evolve over time!

To start, I designed slumber Sans way back in 2017 and it was a combination of things! At the time I had a pintrest board filled with clothes with like celestial/star patterns that I loved.

I also had a different original story I was working on at the time, that followed a hero who fights in the world of dreams. So combined with my love of Undertale I got inspired to draw this AU Sans :p

When approaching design, I want to reflect the character's personality! Emphasise his sleepy personality with a sleeping robe and sweat pants. I left him shirtless so you could see the space patterns in his robe more and tried to use a photoshop brush to make a pattern that would be easy to replicate. I was also playing with the idea that Sans' magic is tied to the "third eye", so I gave him one very literally (which I chose to change later)

Here's how I first drew him! (the Lilakrain watermark is the account I posted it to at the time)

Back then his style was really based on the game sprites. I drew him really square, I remember at the time I was trying to give him some kind of shape language that was cool and angular but still friendly. That changes over time as I saw how other artists drew him and was inspired by other shapes that I liked. For a few years I had to leave the design but when I started thumbnailing the comic and made the blog, I chose to update his design. My style had really simplified and streamlined over time, so I played around with an interpretation of that design with my new style. and thumbnailing the same character over and over shows you how you like to simplify them.

I like to mix soft curves and sharp angles to create contrast and to give energy/personality. And then finally when I wanted to draw the comic for real, I took a little more time to perfect a reference sheet for myself (but even this is just a suggestion! Some small details of the design have naturally evolved even now)

So tldr:

-Don't be too hung up on the final design, It's ok to let your OCs evolve naturally over time! -Ask yourself what kind of personality traits you like about your character and explore them (in my case with doodles)

-Combine the things/artists that inspire you! Mix and match as many things as you like and have fun✨

#awesome ask! #slumbertale asks #sans #oc art #oc design #how to design a character

[angeliqueshelleyartist]

Further Development Project 1

Of Myth And Notoriety/Lycanmancer

Post #2

I've started exploring gravestone designs that would match my necromancer character concept. The necromancer has natural/druidic (through the wolf skull and fur cape) and Gothic (through the Gothic window-style armour) elements. Using the parameters from my alignment chart, where lawful should have Gothic elements, and Neutral should have druidic elements, I would say that my character is Lawful Neutral.

Concept 1 (below), although it uses sharp shape language, comes across as good and worshipful. Concept 2 was leaning toward Lawful Good again, but it is still too 'holy' with it's seraphic motifs. In concept 3, I used the Druidic and Gothic elements of my character, but the squareness is too stoic, it seems to be in conflict with the delicate glass of his armour. In concept 4 I decided to lean more toward the Druidic element by creating something not at all Gothic and more of a Good or True Neutral alignment through a memorial henge. I feel that these concepts are still relevant for the idea as these are props in motion that can change based on the character's choices in-game.

I incorporated the above concepts into thumbnails exploring composition, as well as a couple of new design ideas. I used some compositional types to help guide me in their creation.

I feel concept one is too unbalanced and too generic. The leering mausoleum in concept 2 is epic, but I couldn't figure out a way to incorporate the character in a way that would make them a focal point. I really liked the composition and angle of 3, I felt it was dynamic and intriguing, but I also think it's too cliche. I liked the character pose in 4, but with such a close up shot, I would struggle to show more of the environment and gravestone prop. I went with a diagonal composition in 5, the circular portal acts as a focal frame for the character, I really like the natural henge design for this one, and an amphitheater element makes it unique. In concept 6, I wanted to carved the mausoleum directly into a cliff-side with some intimidating angles and lighting, coming across as more evil and imposing. I really liked number 6, but felt it was a composition similar to another of my portfolio pieces. Taking these explorations into consideration, I've decided to pursue the concept of the Druidic henge, number 4 above, and composition 5 below.

The henge design is simple, but its angles can be easily miscalculated if drawn free hand, so I modeled a basic mock-up in Maya to use as an underlay for further exploration. The accuracy of the 3D model helped elevate my concept sketches and also provided me with a little lighting information to inform the values. I rendered the angle based on the image I chose for the background by Tomas Robertson.

I incorporated the 3D model as an underlay to further conceptualise details of the henge design. There are subtle differences between the type of decoration and level of vegetation. I wanted to add more elements of my character to the design since I didn't include Gothic architectural elements, I did through his wolfish cape design and the wolf statues surrounding the henge. This also adds to the character's unique influences. I like all of the elements of concept 4 the best.

I made a start on the final concept through photobashing and manipulating pieces of Stonehenge (see stock images below) onto the 3D mock-up to ensure correct perspective.

These are the stock images I used. The photograph of Stonehenge by Jonathan Ridley was particularly useful as the foreground stones contained similar lighting information that I need for my amphitheater. The Scottish highlands at sunset set the mood perfectly for my necromancer's summoning.

Image References:

DAZ STUDIO. (2015). Genesis 3 Male. [3D Asset]. DAZ 3D

Rawpixel. (n/d). Abstract gold sunburst effect background. [Photograph]. https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/abstract-gold-sunburst-effect-background_15559471.htm: freepik.

Ridley, J. (2020). gray rock formation under white clouds and blue sky during daytime. [Photograph]. https://unsplash.com/photos/gray-rock-formation-under-white-clouds-and-blue-sky-during-daytime--ZLDp: Unsplash.

Robertson, T. (2018). brown pathway near grass and stone. [Photograph]. https://unsplash.com/photos/brown-pathway-near-grass-and-stone-0kKcSc4dD7o: unsplash.

Spindler, S. (2016). gray building interior. [Photograph]. https://unsplash.com/photos/gray-building-interior-ippIhSrimC8: Unsplash.

textures.com. (n/d). 3D SCANNED STONE SURFACE - 1X1 METERS. [Online].  Available at: https://www.textures.com/download/3DScans0467/133923

TEXTURES.COM (2023). INKSMOKY0052 Image 3. [Photograph]. CC BY-SA. Available at: https://www.textures.com/download/InkSmoky0052/28558 [Accessed: 11 October 2023]   

#practice 1

[jacobfiel]

Children Song Booklet

I started this project by drawing some thumbnails in my book and giving some annotation as to what I was going to try and achieve.

I moved onto researching some of my favourite nursery rhymes and putting the text from the stories into a document. I also researched other nursery rhyme books and found lots of them had crazy boarders and lots of imagery. I thought a boarder inspired background shape behind all the imagery I drew could be something I use to bring all my pictures together.

I then looked at images online that I could use as references for the vector drawings I was going to add around my nursery rhyme text.

The next thing I did was find a text for the Titles of my book.

I then started drawing my first image, which was going to be on the front cover. This image was going to be a child positioning the last letter of the cover's title. I started this process by looking for a reference image. Once I got a reference I put said reference into Adobe Illustrator (AI) and set it to 'dim images'. This meant that I Could drawn the outlines of the character and still be able to tell the difference between my outlines and those of the reference image. Once all my outlines were drawn I pulled in a colour wheel I got online and used this asset combined with the eyedropper tool to colour fill the outlines I had drawn. I also added some minor details to the characters shoes. When doing this to speed the process up I copied the outline layer of the shoe and kept it as just a stroke so I didn't have to perfectly align the inside details with the edge of the shoe. I could make sure it just went over the previous outline and then used the copy and 'pasted in place' copy of my shoe outline overtop to cover up the imperfections. I then saved my vector image into my 'assets' folder.

I then started on my Humpty Dumpty pages imagery which had a very similar process. During the Humpty process I also worked with tools such as reflect and using the path finder to cut and splice things together and or out of each others way. I also have had the idea to print some copies of this booklet and give them to my baby cousins and sister. I have 2 cousins under 1 years old as well as one thats still being cooked... On top of this I have an 11 month baby sister and just thought for that reason I'd chuck a little bit of extra personal spice in. One of my baby cousins is lucky enough to have 2 older brothers who are around 3 and 5 that are obsessed with skateboarding. So because of this I went online and downloaded a Thrasher font, (popular skate company and magazine) and then sent added this text to the hat I put on Humpty's head to look like it was made by this brand. My cousin has a hat just like this so I am assuming he'll notice. With this extra touch complete I saved out my Humpty image to my 'assets' folder. (images in next post)

[calyxestra]

End of year questions for writers and artists

Tagged by @heartoferebor​, thank you! Answers under cut. Anyone who would like to answer the questions, please consider yourself tagged! :) (If you work on projects that don’t fit neatly into writing and artmaking, feel free to apply the questions to your work as well)

Questions: 

1. What project are you most proud of and why? 2. Which project did you have the most fun making? 3. Which project was the most unexpected and/or challenging and why? 4. Which project would you like to receive more attention? 5. Is there a project you intended to work on but couldn’t find the time? If so, what is it? 6. Have you noticed an improvement in your skill this year? Did a specific project help? 7. If you could remake any project you’ve created this year, which one would it be and why? 8. What project would you like to make next year?

These are hard questions. When I have time to draw I blurt out so much stuff almost on autopilot and with barely any forethought that I rarely consider any particular drawing to be a “project.” That said...

1. most proud of

This was actually planned and executed over more than one drawing session. I hadn’t figured out how to color the figures until I filled in the background, then chose the colors for the figures based on that. Also, this was done in GIMP, so many layers (because of the way I work in GIMP, nothing inherent to the program). It’s not the prettiest drawing I’ve made in 2021, but I certainly put effort and care into it and didn’t give up, so I’m proud of that.

2. most fun

Everything under the tag “silliness” and especially “reblog with a drawing” is fun (hooray for audience participation, you all leave very entertaining tags which inspire me—sometimes I have to hold the idea for a response in my head for hours and can’t wait to sit down and doodle it out). 

3. most unexpected/challenging

I already had the base painting but animating it with the changing hair and eye colors and sparks and lighting was challenging: not because it was inherently so but because I took so very long to figure out how to animate things in Clip Studio Paint. Had already done some simple blinks/flickers/fades in previous animated illustrations, but forgot everything and had to regoogle it all. I was thinking I’d be done animating this really quickly and instead sat there clicking around the animation tools in CSP going “???” for quite a while.

4. would like to receive more attention

Geoffrey McCullum from Vampyr. I should draw him more. His facial structure is interesting and, like with Regis, I just can’t get it right intuitively.

5. wanted to work on, couldn’t find time

I want to learn to draw comics (the whole shebang, backgrounds and figures and lettering and everything) and do a couple of comic-style pages for ideas I’ve held onto for a long time. Unfortunately I love drawing the same faces over and over again too much to have the motivation to put brainpower towards learning new stuff in my downtime.

6. improvement? specific project?

Yes, I’d gotten more comfortable with ArtRage then switched to Clip Studio Paint in mid-October and am finding my footing in that. I’m not sure how to quantify the improvement except that the art (most of the time) looks nicer (closer to ref? more coherent in thumbnail?). There wasn’t a specific project, just a lot of drawing the same faces over and over again, looking at different kinds of references (paintings, photos, video stills, game screencaps), and being very lazy (and hence finding shortcuts to do a reasonable amount of stuff within short drawing sessions, like my color blob way of starting color portraits; I could do a whole little post about how being lazy has shaped my way of drawing digitally).

7. remake?

Interesting question. Since most drawings are just a spur-of-the-moment thing, there are few drawings I’m invested in enough to want to improve them. I know just about as soon as I post something where the major flaws are that need fixing, but usually I just leave it be and move on to the next drawing. But I actually just redid Book!Dandelion (Oct 2020 vs. Dec 2021):

First one was in the Calyxestra Copies series (i.e., pastiche), done on my old drawing tablet and in ArtRage. Second one was done with reference to an Artbreeder pic I generated last year; drawn as the first complete piece on my new tablet (with a screen!), in Clip Studio Paint. Fabrics are still out of my comfort zone, and that poor hand looks so muddy, but at least the face isn’t so blurry this time, ha. I think drawing directly on a screen where I can see where the pen tip is going on the picture itself is going to result in a lot less imprecision and fluffy edges :)

8. next year?

I would really like to make those two little comic projects that I have in mind at some point. But again, I’d have to learn to draw more than just faces reliably... One "project” I’ve been keeping for when I got my new tablet is tracing some penciled lineart and turning it into a complete piece digitally. Nothing big, just have to remember to do it.

#about my art #ask game #end of year asks #I don't know how to tag this

[gagmebucky]

hiiii i wrote this awhile ago but took it down because i was 👉🏼👈🏼 embarrassed about it (because i do not have the skill to pull off peter parker) and sorta still am but everyone’s been so nice to me about it i thought the best way to repay the kindness by posting it for those who did like it 😅 (originally inspired by spider man 2 with andrew garfield but loosely set in the 2018 issue of the amazing spider-man.)

in which the guys are making fun of peter and accidentally see a video of him fucking you. (includes avenger!peter x girlfriend!you, peter’s pov, voyeur!steve and voyeur!bucky, a sex tape featuring d/s dynamics, bondage, praise kink, exhibitionism, unprotected sex.) 

do not repost.

—

Despite being twenty-one years old; a proper adult who lives with his high school sweetheart, a photographer doubling as a seven-year veteran vigilante in the dangers of New York, Peter Parker is still considered as a super-powered amateur to his seasoned peers. 

Nonetheless, given his success in countless battles in the state, country, world and even galaxy-wide, he more than qualifies to hold the title of Avenger; it’s official now. A laid-back induction ceremony and his very own identity card: a sturdy rectangle, shiny with full clearance and all. Yet, as an official member, his teammates still treat him like he’s that same goofy, out-of-his-depths sixteen year old.

To be fair, yes, his style of heroism isn’t the most serious. He favors levity in the face of danger, a cheeky flare with smart quips and an infuriating grin. Even after taking a beating from the worst of foes, his demeanor never wavers because in the end, he wins. The villains are slayed and the people are saved, even comforted by the boyishly confident way he works. 

But beyond that persona, he has grown into a skilled warrior. On that note, he wants to be regarded as such—at least, to a certain extent. The jokes and teasing, poking fun at his age or the shenanigans he gets himself into, don’t bother him. No, his playful wit handles it with relative ease, and he’s a good sport about it. The only thing that he’d want to see change is some recognition that he isn’t a naïve kid anymore and is fully capable of taking charge when needed.

With his recent acceptance into the gifted pantheon, he’s intent on making that known. The jesting can continue but he wants it to be with an understanding of his capabilities. Luckily, a perfect opportunity has presented itself to showcase his abilities: a training session. 

He’s late. And yes, he knows that’s probably not a good impression to make.

In his own defense, it isn’t technically his fault. He forgot that you, his personal alarm clock (amongst other things), left early this morning because you volunteered to help his aunt move. Four years of mornings and nights, he’s gotten used to—and prefers—your languorous wake-up call.

Without your reminder, he regains consciousness fifteen minutes after the scheduled time and ends up scrambling to the compound. In a flurry, he throws on his suit—unknowingly backwards, he realizes later—trips at least three times over his own footing before he finally springs out of the balcony with webbed bursts.

When he reaches his destination, Captain America and the Winter Soldier are unimpressed; mid-simulation, it powers down. Both super-soldiers whirl around to face him, fixing raised eyebrows at his disheveled arrival.

He adjusts his now front-facing suit and shuffles forward into the space with as much confidence as an interrupter can have. “H - hey, guys,” Peter greets sheepishly and manages what he hopes is a charming smile, absentmindedly fidgeting with his phone. “Lookin’ good for a couple of geezers.” 

Unfortunately, Steve Rogers is not charmed or disillusioned from the tardiness. “You’re late, Parker.” His arms fold, and he shakes his head when punctuating his disapproval with an echoing, “Again.” 

Thankfully, to his right, more relaxed and cool, Bucky Barnes steps up. “C’mon, Stevie. Y’can’t be that surprised,” he chimes in matter of factly, contrasting against his friend with amusement sparkling in his blue eyes. “What’d you expect with Parker?” He gestures at the younger superhero. “Kid’s gonna be late to his own wedding.”

(Beside the point, but worth noting, he will not be late to meeting you at the altar. That is, of course, if you accept when he pops the question. Which is going to happen relatively soon, considering he has the ring in his nightstand drawer.)

The consult seems to relax him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right and—Peter, you—seriously, man?!” Steve sputters the last bit when he glanced over to see him blatantly check the notification that’s vibrated in his hand (on the device that is ruled to be stowed away during training). “Now the phone?!” 

Even though he shouldn’t, being on thin ice with Cap and all (pun not intended), Peter’s gaze flickers down to see your contact name appear on the screen, and he can’t resist. While Bucky guffaws a laugh at his audacity, he’s swiping up to pull up your text thread. 

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:37AM: spider boyyyyy you’ll never guess what i found in a box labeled ‘peter’s junk’ ;;;)

peter, 10:37AM: those magazines are NOT mine and i don’t know how they got there.

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: not quite but close, naughty boy

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: for a man who depends on keeping secrets and a penchant for home movies, you might ought to keep a lock on your phone unless you want someone to see me like this...

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: (video attached)

Immediately, he recognizes the pornographic thumbnail. One glance, and he’s remembering the first couple of times you guys explored the exhibitionism side of things. It was at the end of his freshman year of college and taped on a phone he thought he had lost. But he must've forgotten it at his aunt’s house, and she tossed it in the box until you came along. 

Although there’s been plenty more made, he recalls that one being a shared favorite, his especially. When long-distance duty calls, it was his go-to media. The angles, your face and body beneath the lights, the sounds it caught, you once asked if he considered switching to cinematography instead of photographer

Subconsciously, his teeth run over his bottom lip, feeling that blazing spark of desire igniting in the pit of his gut, partially at the memory and partially at what’ll happen once you guys can re-watch it together; his thumbs start typing away with that message.

“Peter!” Steve’s exasperated voice snaps, but to no avail—the real gall of the youngster, or the effect of you. His weight shifts toward his best friend, and he nudges him with his elbow. “Kids these days!” The hundred-something year old’s gaze cocks a brow back over. “Is that why you were late? Blowing off training to text your girlfriend?”

The text delivers with an audible bloop. Finally, his concentration gives, and he can look up, though his expression is clueless from the last minute. “Huh?” His brain registers what he missed, and he winces. “Sorry, Cap. My bad.”

Bucky chuckles. “Give him a break, Steve,” he faux comes to his defense, a teasing quality underlying his tone. “He’s young and in love. It’s not his fault he’s pussy-whipped.” He cracks him an antagonizing grin as Peter rolls his eyes. “He can’t go an hour without sending those little weird pictures with heart eyes, or she might not know he’s thinking about her.”

“As if you know anything about romance, old man,” he fires back and presses past them with squared shoulders, correcting him quite seriously: “And they’re called emojis, by the way. But that’s not what I was doing, if you want to know so bad.”

The brunette tilts his head thoughtfully, and small hackles arise for reasons he doesn’t understand, or pay attention to. “You know, I do want to know really badly,” Bucky decides and poses a question to his left, “Wouldn’t you, too, Steve? Aren’t you curious what his girlfriend sent that was so much more important than training?”

The blond mimics his actions and clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I am.” 

Peter’s eyebrows pinch while his skin tingles and the hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. “What—” Before his senses process it, one of the super-soldiers plucks his phone out of his hands and darts back beside his best friend. His jaw drops as he tries to follow after him. “Bucky, you asshole—”

“Some spidey senses, huh?” The Winter Soldier lifts it high over his head, utilizing his six-foot stature against his five-ten like elementary school bullies do and older siblings to their juniors. “Haven’t ‘cha heard about sharing with the class?” He laughs and practically stiff-arms him to squint up at the screen. “Aw, he can’t wait to see her. What’s it been, more than two hours since you two saw each other last?” 

Conceding to the height difference, Peter stops his physical efforts and diverts it to someone reasonable. “Cap, you gonna help me out here?” he addresses the entertained onlooker in the most friendly voice he can manage. 

“The kid’s got separate anxiety not just from his girlfriend but phone too, Buck,” Steve drawls with a lopsided curve of his lips. He side-steps Peter to stand next to Bucky, and for a second, he thinks he’s on his side despite the tease, but he simply adds a stern, “So be careful. You don’t want to break it, or Parker will have a fit.”

Peter crosses his arms and scowls. “Ha, ha,” he retorts dryly, only somewhat amused by their banter. He tilts his head up at them, and the duo look thoroughly pleased with themselves. “You know, you guys are kind of dicks.”

“No, we’re your mentors, kid,” Steve corrects with a wink and rests his arm on his friend’s shoulder. “This is a lesson. No phones—” He jabs his thumb back in reference to the device’s unlocked screen: “—when you’re supposed to be training.” 

“Yeah,” Bucky chimes in upon glancing up from his phone. “And a little advice, women don’t like clinginess. Try being a little more stern and see how that works for you. If you’re able to manage that. But I won’t hold it against ya if you can’t.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter patronizes with a bob of his head, biting back a response pointing out the hundred-something year old’s inexperience. Instead, he focuses on the electronic readily loaded up with some private content. With that, he decides to do the rational and mature thing and ask nicely. “Noted. So, uh, can I have my phone back now?” 

To his shock, Bucky merely flashes a smirk and his thumb scrolls half-heartedly over the thread. Thereafter, he leans toward Steve and raises his cell for him to see. “Oh, look, it’s a video,” he teases. “What could Y/N send that would take priority of training?” 

There’s an unspoken let’s see then a metal finger taps the play button. Before Peter can think, much less react, Captain American and the Winter Soldier are watching how he effortlessly renders his pretty little girlfriend into a cute nonsensical yet eager mess— 

In his point-of-view shot, the ratio holds in portrait view in a bid to capture every bit of you. Above you, the camera focuses on you and your beautifully debauched state beneath warm lighting where it’s unalienable that the camera was made for you. 

Your eyes are dilated brightly, desperate with desire as your lashes flutter up at him. A sheen coats your features and glistens like glitter at the highest points of your face while the shape of your face is framed by your stretched arms. 

Your wrists are bound over your head, splotched with expertly sprayed strong, white webs. The mesh sticks them together in a criss-cross, comfortable but nearly impossible to break out of, fixed in place atop his headboard. The tautness tugs a mild strain on your figure so your breasts are jutting out like an offering, and it’s obvious he’s taken advantage of it. Darkened marks adorn your glowing complexion, peppered across your décolletage with imprints of his teeth; including your nipples, sucked swollen and tender. 

The angle trails down until it reveals the sight of him mercilessly pounding inside of you. His better-than-average girth is sliding in and out of your tight channel; slicked in shared translucent essence, creaming around the base, your inner walls visibly clinging to his cock with every backward stroke. His hand splays on your mound, using his thumb to abuse your engorged clit. He easily keeps the sensitive nub pinned under his control despite your wildly twisting hips. 

Like the display, the soundtrack is equally obscene. Loud, your stuffed depths gush and squelch as skin slaps rhythmically. Your breathy, wanton moans overshadow both, drawn out whimpers, almost nonsensical other than the syllable of his name. A melody of neediness, you sound so fucking pretty, (depraved, like a whore, you once told him during your little film marathon with a sly smile), and for him specifically.

The frame pans upward and confirms you look just as good. A perfect mess, unhinged by the skilled ministrations of your boyfriend. Passion beads on your forehead like reflections off of a diamond. Panting, your lips are plumped from kissing parted with mewls of pleasure. 

“P - please—I need to—can I - I please—” You’re begging like the sweet little thing you are, incoherent babbling the result of his excessive edging. Of course, you know better than to give into the sensations ravaging you; instead you ignore your visceral desire and ask him for your release. “Peter, please!” 

A deep chuckle vibrates behind the camera as his big hand slides into view, trailing over your jiggling tits to the slope of your throat. “Maybe,” he says breathily and grasps the line of your jaw between his fingers. “Open your mouth first, babe.” 

No more preamble necessary, you follow his direction, your pink tongue flat over your Cupid’s bow. Immediately, a long string of his saliva drips into view and onto your taste buds; the vulgar act is accepted with a swallow and a quivering moan of, “T - thank you.” 

“Good girl,” he praises huskily, and the voiced approval has you visibly shivering. “Alright, then, pretty girl. Make it good for me, and c’mon—”

Before your otherworldly reckoning washes over you and his teammates can watch your bliss immortalized in film, Peter snatches his property back. 

Not much force is necessary as Bucky’s grip has been stunned loose. A dark expression permeates on young hero’s face but not because of embarrassment; if he was still nineteen or eighteen, he would’ve been mortified that his titular superiors caught a depraved glimpse of his sex life, on both his and your behalf. Rather than, there’s just a flit of annoyance when he folds his arms.

“Shit,” Bucky is the first to speak, exhaling the swear raggedly. His blue pupils have widened in obvious attraction, dilated dark, blinking rapidly as if it’ll help calm him down from the clip of you, his innocent seeming girlfriend, all ruined and begging. “Parker, fuck, I - I didn’t know you got down like that.” 

There’s a swell in his chest, pride beating steadily while he remains reticent-faced. He prefers you keep your bedroom activities secluded there. Yeah, he likes to be in control and you like to be controlled but it’s only in a sexual nature. Yet, their reactions—stunned, embarrassed and viscerally affected—surges smug satisfaction he’s never known before through his veins. 

Even the prestigious Captain America is bothered, though he may try to hide it. He clears his throat, a flustered pink coloring his cheeks. “Peter, uh,” he says, barely maintaining the confidence to look him in the eye after witnessing his girlfriend like that. “We - we shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.” 

“Uh-huh,” is Peter’s response, a hint of a smirk curling on one side of his lips. “Why don’t you guys call me after you’re finished with your cold showers, and we can actually train. Until then, I’m gonna go to my girl who’s more than eager to handle mine.” He pauses. “Maybe if you guys ask nice enough, I might let her show you how well I’ve trained her.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #marvel smut imagines #spiderman x reader smut #marvel smut #heh I am going to pass out #I.. #goodnight im off me ass sjdjjsxj

[cadence-talle]

Moonlight Burst Into the Room

Pairing: Marella Redek/Linh Song

Wordcount: 2,203

TW: mentions of transphobia 

Notes: For @marellinh-week-2020​! Doesn’t totally fit any of the prompts besides First Kiss/Confession so let’s just pretend I posted it then instead of several days late 

Taglist: @everyonehasthoughts, @clearlykeefitz, @loverofallthingssmart, @a-lonely-tatertot, @enbies-and-felonies, @molly-sencen, @lemontarto, @appalyneinstitute1, @ruewen-and-rising, @silver-snow, @linhamon-roll, @hyperlollypop, @never-ever-too-many-fandoms, @keeper-of-the-lost-queers, @impostertamsong, @vibing-in-the-void, @yeetersofthelostcities, @mistythegirlfluxmess, @diamond-dreamerr, @we-have-no-bananas-today, @an-absolute-travesty, @callas-starkflower-stew

Linh has never had a nickname. 

When she was younger, still living with her parents, names were a point of frustration. Her parents never used pet names, which meant they always referred to her by her given name- the wrong name. Always the wrong name, until Linh had to tell them to stop. 

(That conversation was quiet, hushed, like her parents couldn’t quite believe it. They had simply stared at her when she said I’m a girl and then shared a long look.)

Her parents had called her Linh from then on, but it still felt strictly impersonal. As if a wall of water had sprung up between them and drowned any hope of parental affection. 

Once they were banished, names were hardly ever used. Elves at Exillium weren’t considered to have names; they were referred to in a group or not at all. So Linh grew accustomed to turning at a simple shout, to only hearing her name spoken by her brother. Lonely? Sure, but at least she didn’t have to hear that disappointed sigh of Linh whenever she messed up.

(The way Tam said her name wasn’t disappointed, not ever. But it was resigned, like he knew he was the only one who would ever say it. Like he had come to terms with the fact that they were going to fade into oblivion.)

Then Sophie turned up and ushered them into her friend group, into warmth and belonging and people talking to Linh. People saying her name.

Sophie’s group didn’t use nicknames much- besides Keefe, of course, who seemed to be in a competition against himself to come up with the most ridiculous titles for Sophie- but just hearing her name said in a way that told Linh people wanted her here was enough. 

And then Marella Redek becomes a bigger part of Linh’s life, her fiery temper charging into arguments and her endless vocabulary of pet names filling the air, and Linh doesn’t know what to do with herself. 

-/-

“Hey, sweetheart, could you grab me that box?”

Linh turns just in time to see Dex hand Marella the small wooden box in question with a confused look. The blond girl grins at him and opens the box, digging through its contents. “Ooh, a necklace! And… Prattles?”

She holds up the package for all to see. The three of them are the only kids at Havenfield today- the others are all off on various errands. Even Sophie’s out in Atlantis, shopping with Biana. Linh doesn’t mind much, though, even as they embark on the laborious task of sorting through the stuff in Edaline’s cluttered office. She’s still marveling at the fact that she has friends now. 

“They’re probably really stale by now,” Dex says. Marella shrugs, ripping off the top and popping a candy into her mouth. She makes a face.

“Oh, ew. Why did you two let me eat that?”

Linh giggles and Marella smiles at her. There’s a strange flush on the other girl’s cheeks, and Linh wonders if you can get sick from eating old Prattles. She hopes not. 

“He did warn you,” Linh points out. Marella puts a hand over her heart in mock insult. 

“Betrayal! I thought we were friends, sweetie.”

Linh shrugs nonchalantly, trying to hide the warmth she can feel creeping up her neck. Marella does this all the time, she reminds herself, and Linh just needs to get used to it. “Sorry. All’s fair in lov- in war and stale Prattles.”

Dex snorts, shooting Linh a knowing look. Linh blinks and he shakes his head. “We should get back to cleaning. Marella, put the Prattles down.”

Marella, who is apparently a three-year-old in the body of a fifteen-year-old, shoves two more Prattles into her mouth and pockets the drawstring bag that holds the pin. Dex rolls his eyes and turns to a huge green chest. Marella nudges Linh’s ankle with her foot. 

“You know, hon, this stuff really isn’t bad. You wanna try?” She holds out the box. 

Linh shakes her head and Marella puts the package away. Linh’s thoughts, though, can’t be dislodged so easily, and the word hon echoes in her mind for the rest of the day. 

-/-

The transition from Exillium to Foxfire was a hurried one, a few busy days of reading schedules and getting used to being around normal people again. It felt almost too fast in the moment, too quick for even the little they were leaving behind.

Linh has left a lot of things behind in her life. She doesn’t miss them most of the time, but on days like this- days where it’s quiet and cool and the winds whipping past her sound eerily like the whispers in her head- it’s hard not to remember. 

She wanders outside of Solreef, settling down under a tree where she won’t be directly visible from the house. The grass around her is still slightly damp with dew, and Linh tugs a few blades out of the ground to fiddle with. 

Tiergan’s house is very different from anywhere she’s ever lived. The rooms are large and sprawling but still cozy, perhaps made so by the various pillows and classified scrolls that are scattered across nearly every surface. It’s not the rugged landscape of Wildwood nor the smoothed edges of Choralmere, and Linh is glad. Things are calm here, but not so calm she’s afraid to walk on anything but tiptoe. 

She broke a vase, once. One of her mother’s heirlooms. Tam had been chasing her through the house and Linh hadn’t had a chance to slow down in time. Quan had shouted louder than she had ever heard, too angry to even call Linh by the right name. 

It’s been years since that event, but the disappointment still presses on Linh’s skin. Covers her like a heavy blanket woven from sad sighs and ignorant comments and constant dissatisfied looks. The idea that Linh would never be enough. 

Will never be enough, no matter what she does. 

(There have been too many conversations for her to ever disprove that.)

“Linh?”

Abruptly, Linh realizes she hasn’t been breathing. She breaks away from the fixed point she’s been staring at and pastes a smile on her face. 

“Marella! Hey, sorry, I must have forgotten you were coming today.”

“You didn’t,” the blond girl responds, sinking down next to Linh. “I wanted to surprise you. Are you okay?”

“What? I’m fine. Why?”

Marella gives her an utterly unimpressed look. 

“Hon. You looked about five seconds away from crying when I showed up. And that’s not a bad thing,” she hurries to add when Linh opens her mouth to apologize. “I just want to help, if I can.”

“I-” Linh trails off, staring at the ground. “I was just thinking. About… stuff. Names. Memories.”

“Huh.” Marella doesn’t press, which Linh is thankful for. “Names can be weird sometimes,” she says carefully, turning to face Linh. “My mom- on her better days, she calls me Ella.”

Linh blinks. “I thought you didn’t like being called Ella.” Marella had almost taken Keefe’s head off when he had called her that once. Marella shrugs. 

“I don’t know. It’s different when Mom does it. It tells me… she’s there, I guess. She’s there and she loves me.” Marella worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “It’s hard to see, sometimes. What she’s going to do. What I’m supposed to do when she gets frantic or starts crying.” 

“I get that. Well. Not the ‘frantic and crying’ part, but I get not knowing what to do.”

Marella smiles, a tiny, crooked thing. “I thought you would, sweetie.”

Linh turns back to the landscape, staring out at it. Next to her, Marella shifts so she’s facing the same direction. Her eyes are still fixed on Linh, though. Maybe it’s that, or maybe it’s the sweetie, but Linh speaks up a few moments later. 

“My parents… didn’t always remember to call me Linh.” She says, testing the waters. Marella’s head inclines a tiny bit, encouraging her to go on. 

So Linh does. She tells the whole story, all those lonely years in Choralmere and then the too-free years in Wildwood. She’s never had to tell anyone that before- Tam has always known, and neither of them needed to say it out loud. 

When she finishes, Marella is silent. Linh worries she’s made a huge mistake. 

“Sorry,” she says quietly. “You don’t have to- I mean, I know this changes-”

“Hey, darling.” Marella shifts to sit on her knees in front of Linh, leaning forward and grabbing her hands. “This doesn’t change anything, okay. I mean, obviously it does,” she says thoughtfully, “but you’re still Linh, okay? You’re still Linh and you’re still beautiful. And I totally understand if you don’t want me to make a big deal out of this, but if you do, I happen to throw legendary parties.” 

Linh laughs, a half-choked sound of relief. Marella settles back against the tree with a grin and they stare at the horizon again. 

“Thanks,” Linh says after a moment. Marella gives her a thumbs-up.

“What are friends for, right?”

“Yeah.” Yeah, Linh reminds herself. Friends. 

-/-

“Whoa. Hon, look at this.” Marella pulls a tiny marble out of a box, glittering pale yellow and about the size of her thumbnail. Linh would almost mistake it for a Councillor’s cache if it weren’t for the absence of tiny jewels inside. 

They’re back in Edaline’s office, digging through piles of junk, but this time it’s just the two of them. Linh is halfway sure that’s intentional, actually- even Grady and Edaline suddenly decided to take an impromptu trip to Mysterium today. They have Havenfield all to themselves. 

(That sentence seems to fill Linh’s stomach with the mechanical butterflies they accidentally unleashed earlier. She doesn’t think about that too hard.)

(If she does, she knows she’ll find out something very odd about why she always feels warm when Marella calls her a pet name.)

“What is it?” She asks Marella. The other girl lifts one shoulder. 

“I don’t know, but it’s pretty. Let’s see...”

She taps the marble with two fingers and the lights cut out. They come back a few seconds later, Marella grinning sheepishly.

“Whoops. Sorry, sweetheart-”

“Stop calling me that.”

The words are out before Linh can stop them, and she flounders. “I mean- I just-” She shakes her head. “I can’t. Not when I know…” You don’t mean them, she finishes mentally. It hurts too much to hear you throw them out that easily. 

Marella’s expression shutters and she looks away. “Right,” she says, sounding oddly defeated. “Of course.”

She turns around, muttering “of course you would have figured it out” under her breath. Linh frowns and, since her mouth and her brain seem to be operating on different planes of existence today, says,

“What? Figured out what?” Her tone is almost challenging, but even Linh isn’t entirely sure why. Marella turns back around, arms crossed defensively.

“Really. You’re really gonna make me say it?”

“Say what?”

Marella throws up her hands. “Fine. I like you, okay? Is that what you wanted?” Her voice drops lower, less frustrated and more finished. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be weird. I’ll get over it.”

“You. You like me?” 

Marella doesn’t respond, already sorting through another pile. Linh takes a deep breath and uses what’s left of her courage. 

“I didn’t know that. I wanted you to stop calling me pet names because I thought they didn’t mean anything to you.”

Marella pauses. Straightens up. 

“They did,” she says, so softly it’s almost imperceptible. “They all did.” 

“They meant something to me too.” 

Edaline’s office is quiet. Linh doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, tries not to even think until Marella turns her head. 

“I hear there’s a really good restaurant in downtown Atlantis,” she says. It’s a question, an outstretched hand. Linh smiles and takes it. 

“That sounds amazing,” she responds. “Honey.”

The marble slips from Marella’s fingers and the lights turn off again. Marella’s smile, though, is enough to brighten the room. 

-/-

When she was little, Linh never had a nickname. 

They were too frivolous for her parents, too unnecessary for the people who sometimes forgot to even call her Linh. Nicknames weren’t needed for someone who barely had a name at all. 

Nicknames are never really needed, but they’re used here. 

“Mare,” she calls across their small kitchen, “we need to go.”

“I’m here! I’m ready,” Marella responds breathlessly, pecking Linh on the cheek as she rushes to pull her coat on. 

“Bi is going skin us alive if we’re late to Sophie’s party.”

“Good thing we’re not late then, sweetie.” Marella grins at her and moves out of the door. They are late, actually, but neither of them really care. 

It hits Linh sometimes, how very different her life is now. She has friends, and family, and a wonderful wife who deserves the world. 

(The ring on her finger seems to shine. That conversation was feather-light and delighted, a gasped yes and cheers from all their friends.)

“Hon, come on!”

She has a nickname now. Dozens, in fact. But she also has a name.

Linh Redek steps out the door. 

#kotlc #marellinh #marellinh week 2020 #marella redek #dex dizznee #linh song #my writing #lynn rambles

[mimi-cee-hq]

A Pikachu for You - Kenma x Reader

Getting together headcanon stories from match-up requests

Summary: Ever since Kenma saved you from your freak-out in class, you had a crush on him. He noticed you often glancing at him playing his video games and then you started to get to know each other.

Genre: Cute fluff

Words: 805

A/N: This is from an anonymous match-up request. I know this anon loves Kenma so I tried to see if I could come up with a story with him and it worked.

Match-up stories taglist: @nxlx96, @nagichi-kenma, @muffins-puffins (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

When you freaked out over the buzzing near your ear, everyone in class stared at you. Now you were both embarrassed and scared.

Nobody else knew what was going on and you couldn't get the words out to explain what happened. But then you heard a "whack" behind you. "I got it," Kenma told you plainly. And then he gave you a small and soft smile.

That was when you started to have a crush on him.

You started to steal glances at him and would sometimes peak over his shoulder to see what video game he was playing.

Kenma obviously noticed so he told you he was playing Pokemon.

Because you were interested, he started teaching you about different strategies you could use and which moves were the best to keep for each pokemon.

With all the information he was sharing with you, you suggested he should make a tutorial video and maybe even post it online.

He had never made a video of himself playing and explaining things before. So you helped him out a bit because you had some experience with video edits. You even drew thumbnails for his videos.

You both had fun with this new project and messaged each other often to collaborate on his videos. You accidentally showed your sassy side because it was easier to talk to your crush when he wasn't right beside you.

Kenma was slightly surprised and commented on your sass at school the next day. When you got embarrassed about it and became flustered because he was standing right in front of you, he started to consider the possibility that you liked him.

After a couple of months, you got more comfortable with each other. One day you commented on a hoodie he was wearing, mentioning that it looked really comfortable. When he offered to give it to you, you got flustered and tried to refuse. He smiled, now fairly certain that you liked him.

You got anxious that Kenma's videos weren't getting a lot of views. He mentioned that just because the number of views were low, it didn't mean the video was bad. He continued to explain that it depended on the video platform's algorithms and that they just started out.

You were discouraged because the two of you worked so hard. But you knew he wasn't sugar coating his words to make you feel better. Kenma said things as he saw them.

One day, Kenma invited you to come to an amusement park with him, knowing you liked them. But when you found out that Kenma didn't like roller coasters, you felt bad. He told you he invited you anyway, knowing there were other things you could do together.

You both walked past the carnival games and Kenma saw you eyeing the stuffed animals. He usually wouldn't try the games because he thought they were rigged, calculating the probability of winning in his head. But of course you eyed the large stuffed pikachu, reserved for the most difficult games.

So as you two ate some ice cream together he watched the various people playing the carnival game. When he finally thought he understood how to improve his chances of winning, he approached the game area. He knew his chances were still slim but he wanted to try anyway.

After losing a few times, he started getting competitive. You told him he didn't have to keep trying but he said he was using the small amount of money he earned so far from the videos' ads. When you complied, he got really focused at trying to figure out how to beat the game. You thought it was cute and you liked seeing him like this.

He continued to play while you went to buy some drinks. As you walked back to him, you saw him suddenly turn around, looking for you. When your eyes met, he said with a large grin, "Y/n! I won!"

That wasn't a sight you saw too often so you froze in place and felt your cheeks heat up. When he got the large stuffed pikachu, he placed a necklace over its head. The necklace had a large pokeball as its pendant. He walked over to you and you were shaking for some reason.

"Here," he said. "This is for you." You took the pikachu and he gestured at you to open the pokeball pendant.

There was a little note inside: "Are you an HM move? Because I can't seem to forget about you."

So now you felt like dying, wondering if this was really happening. But then Kenma saw the note and muttered Kuroo's name.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Kuroo must have put it there. That was not how I wanted to ask you out."

That was the killer blow for you.

"Y/n? Are you okay?"

I hope you liked it. (Please don’t die on me, anon. lolll.) Fun fact: my s/o used to do pokemon strategy videos at one point so he was my reference for that part of the story. lol.

If you liked this one, check out my other stories in my masterlist.

*****

Match-up Request:

Hey, I'd like a HQ matchup plz! I'm a 5"4 straight female who is a little on the chubby/curvy side. I have longish blonde hair and blue eyes. In terms of personality, I'm a depressed and socially anxious little bean, but with the right people I can be sassy and fun. I like to play video games and watch anime (provided I'm in the right mood). I also like to make edits, write and draw sometimes. I'm okay with some physical contact like cuddling and hand holding, but PDA should be limited.

I like to wear hoodies and graphic shirts because I don't feel comfortable in "fashionable clothes" (I think I look like a potato). I have a lot of weird quirks like my phobia of pretty much any flying insect (but especially bees/wasps/flies bc I hate the buzzing noise they make). I love plushies and cute things. I'm the type who likes to do something if they go out (e.g. I'd prefer to go to a theme park rather than sun bathe at the beach). Ran out of things to say, hope I did okay ^^;

I love stuffed toys a lot - most of mine are Pokémon plushies.

So because I accidentally told this anon that I didn’t get her request, she had two versions. lol. The last line is from her second version.

#haikyuuwritersnet #kenma kozume #kozume kenma #kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader #hq kenma #haikyuu kenma #kenma fluff #kenma imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu matchups #mimi's fanfiction

[carmenxjulia]

Showrunner Duane Capizzi did an informal Q&A session with some fans in a CS chatroom. There are several question askers, all marked by name. Get some insider knowledge on the show, after the break!

Duane Capizzi:

Just checking things out! Feel like I'm poking my head through a door at a party I'm crashing haha.

Fun to see everyone hanging out and talking all good things Carmen

Can't stay long - I should have taken the code name "Crimson Phantom"

Crimson Phantom - I like the sound of that (if it's not already taken haha)

Carmen:

It's an awesome nickname! Personally I'm more of a Scarlet Santa Rosa person myself- I love that little interaction with Jules and Carmen in the special

Duane Capizzi:

Scarlet Santa Rosa! Yes, that was really cute between them. Too cute in fact.

Coach Brunt had some names for her too if i recollect

Arden:

Lambkins

Wren:

Didn't Brunt also call her Monica Santa Monica once?

Mage:

Yeah in the Boston episode

Also Josie San Jose

Arden:

I personally prefer Fedora the Explora

Duane Capizzi:

Josie yes hahaha

I can't believe we got away with Fedora the Explorer! I thought that would be noted but I'm glad we did. So funny!

Carmen is amazing! She "owns" whatever she wears, doesn't she?

Carmen:

She definitely owns Carmen Brand Outerwear

Duane Capizzi:

I'll share another tidbit though (along the lines of Carmen being a love story where everyone is in love with Carmen).

It was important for obvious reasons that the show be (among other things) about female empowerment. And we wanted to celebrate fashion of course. But it was super important to me to not fall into the "male gaze" trap. That was something I imparted to the storyboard crew and directors. It's a fine line, I know, but I think we succeeded.

Arden:

You sure did. What I adore about Carmen Sandiego is how unsexualized all the characters were while still being inclusive to different body types and races

Duane Capizzi:

Well artists love to sneak things in! So it was a little rule I had

They were mostly great about it - in all the 32 episodes, I think I asked to change only two shots for that reason. Where I had to go "ahem"

"Outerwear" sounds so peculiar but I think that's what made it work. I kept changing it back and forth and sometimes I'm surprised to see/hear it in the show. For the longest time it was "Carmen Clothiers." Did I make the right decision? Sometimes you can rework things too much and lose sight - it happens!

The one shot that leaps to mind was Shadowsan carrying her fireman style at top of 202, as they were escaping through the tunnels. Her, um, fundamentals were just a little too front and center to not fall into the "male gaze" trap. Nothing awful! It was borderline. We just adjusted the angle a bit

Julia:

My favorite most definitely has to be her formal wear from the "need for speed caper"

Duane Capizzi:

I'd have to think about my favorite outfit or top five. All her evening gowns of course!

Maybe "witch." We couldn't make it red because it would not have been a very good disguise (plus, you know: "Scarlet Witch" haha).

But let's not underestimate her signature hat/coat - I continue to be enamored with how we updated her look from the old trench coat thing.

Arden:

Not me suddenly motivated to draw Carmen in a scarlet witch outfit

Duane Capizzi:

Then you have to draw Zack as Pietro!

(or Player? Only his fingers are speedy)

Arden:

Idea: what if player (or Shadowsan) was Pietro

Duane Capizzi:

Shadowsan IS Pietro. He's so quick you never see him move.

Wren:

Shadowsan's fight with Brunt where it went slowmo and he moved fast was so cool!

Duane Capizzi:

Hey, Shadowsan is quite the fashion plate too - am I right?

I love the outfits on the show. So good! So perfect! But, I'm not being very modest am I

I really love SS in the dark trench coat. So. Bad. Ass.

Carmen:

Any thoughts on the Fashionista memory thing?

Duane Capizzi:

Fashionista, sure! What do you want to know?

Carmen:

Give me a second-

Duane Capizzi:

Thank you for noting the aesthetics on the show! Much effort, passion and vision from all involved - Chromosphere, our directors, animators, composers, sound mixers - everyone gave it all they had, it was so inspiring for all involved.

Carmen:

Was there any significance to that specific memory- Carmen defending Julia in the Fashionista Caper- being chosen as the first memory she remembered when she went outside? Like, why that scene specifically over any others for example?

(referring to the finale)

Duane Capizzi:

Oh, that! To be honest, not from me: we were just trying to do the "swirl of confused memories" like we did with Gray earlier in the season. We wanted to show that the ACME device had jostled some old memories loose and that "the girl agent with glasses" was now taking root in Carmen's rush of memories/emotions

But that specific memory, not necessarily from my POV - it could have been any number of Julia moments, like their first meeting on the train (for instance)

The director Jos Humphrey must have picked it. It worked for me!

Carmen:

We all loved that it was that specific memory that was chosen out of all Julia and Carmen moments, the fact that she remembered defending her was an added emotional experience to the already emotional finale

Duane Capizzi:

Well let's talk about the original scene in 204! On the surface just a light fun episode, but so many things came together there: Shadowsan connecting with Player; SS getting his new clothes; but the key thing was switching Julia back from doing Chief's bidding back to Carmen's side. The episode was built around the moment that Carmen pulls Julia on stage with her (I'm not kidding). That was THE moment

Carmen:

We have MANY questions... we should probably set a limit

Duane Capizzi:

Ask away - I don't mind. Honestly, Carmen is my favorite topic! I've been living, breathing, dreaming Carmen for the last 5 years! I don't think there's much to say, I think it's all there on screen. But happy to talk about it because I love to

Cam:

I have a question, what about the color theory in Carmen Sandiego? What do you think certain colors mean as in, blue, yellow, green, and red.

we have our own ideas about the colors but it would be interesting to hear from your perspective

Duane Capizzi:

Color theory! Well chromosphere color scripts every episode (!). If those haven't been shared publicly yet remind me, maybe I can get permission to do so or have them do it. They are lovely to behold.

But basically Carmen = red (duh); Vile = green; Acme = blue. That's the simple version. We started talking about that early on.

color scripts = they do thumbnail art of key scenes to share mood/emotion

we tried to NOT use red for non-Carmen scenes; and scenes where she was significant the color red would be dominant or sometimes symbolically precede her (for instance).

If you google color scripts I'm sure you will see some come up. Try Pixar color scripts for instance. There's a great Art of Pixar book with their color scripts.

Arden:

Do you think Julia is blue or purple?

Duane Capizzi:

Haha, Jules definitely purple! Cute.

Mage:

You've just confirmed the whole color theory these guys have been working on for a while.

Duane Capizzi:

I was actually being funny - is she actually color scripted purple in the series? Wow, my mind might be blown

Garfield:

Now I have a question!

Julia has great admiration and respect for Carmen. Do you think Carmen has as much respect and admiration for Julia as Julia does for her?

Duane Capizzi:

I think Julia might just be a little infatuated with Carmen (even if she hasn't fully articulated how to herself - remember, the show may be sophisticated but it's still a kids show). But mostly Julia just knows/intuits/deduces Carmen's a good guy, pretty much from the beginning. I think the two have a connection that defies space and time in some ways - look at how much they work in tandem without being in the same scenes together much of the time. I love that!

As for Carmen, of course she respects Julia: she knows Julia "gets" her, and respects Julia's smarts and mutual love of history/respect for cultures.

I love how Chase is the ultimate buzzkill for whatever might be stirring in Julia as she's watching Carmen fly away in the Pilot. She's like, "whooaa ..." Then Chase falls onto the windshield. Hilarious!

Nina:

I was actually wondering if Carmen and Julia were meant to have opposing color schemes? With Julia's original outfit I mean

Duane Capizzi:

Oh, good question about Julia's original outfit: I'd have to think about that or ask Jos or Chromosphere. J's colors ARE sort of a drabber distant cousin to Carmen's, aren't they? I think mostly we just wanted "drab workaday" colors for Interpol, knowing that both of them would eventually be slicked up as ACME Agents.

Nova:

Devineaux is immune to injuries it is the only reason why he has lasted so long in ACME and Interpol

Duane Capizzi:

Devineaux, one of my favorite lines: "I did not know you two kept in touch."

Am I right?

SelinIndigo:

I have one question:

Will we ever know Carmen's given name? Also, if you don't mind when is her birthday in this reboot?

Duane Capizzi:

Carmen's given name: never say never! But for where our series ended, I thought it would just interfere. That's not how I wanted you to remember her. It would have just been a label and spoiled her mystique IMO

Player, however: we totally messed with you! "Mr. Bouchard."

Carmen's birthday?

Hmmm.

Maybe month and day but not year: would hate to date the show

I also don't like naming ages in shows because it just gets weird with timelines and such. Or can be.

Carmen:

I made a post about this a while back— how did Carmen end up getting Julia's apartment address? did she just text her for it or straight up ask? did she find out on her own in the least stalker-y way possible? I just have so many theories- do you have any thoughts on it?

Duane Capizzi:

The apartment in the IA special? Oh that whole story was like one big dream sequence ;)

Arden:

What does the wink mean? Does Julia even live in an apartment?

Nina:

Does that mean Carmen dreamt she gave Julia roses or-

Duane Capizzi:

We played things faster and looser for fun there

Okay, I just saw what time it is. Yikes! Time flies when you're having fun. Well THANK YOU EVERYONE (for loving the show, for building this site, for being you.

#Carmen Sandiego #Duane Capizzi #CS Crew #Interview #Transcript

[goneseriesanalysis]

Caine Soren

Hiya guys, so here are my thoughts and opinions on Caine from my re-read of the first book. I was planning on writing this quicker but my ADHD told me no. I’m prolly gonna write up a bunch now though because I’m ✨in the zone✨ Also, apologies but this is another long one because I am physically incapable of being concise 

Spoilers for Gone down below

Original Opinion: Most of my criticism on him as a character came as a result of later development so I’m not quite sure whether that will change as of yet. But as far as his role as a villain, I really enjoyed his character and what he brought to the story.

New Opinion: I still maintain that Caine is a good main villain for this book. I found him to be waaaaay different and way less competent than I remember, but boy is he interesting. I have so many thoughts on Caine and it was a real struggle getting them all down.

1.) CAINE’S APPEARANCE:

Ok so we are first introduced to Caine in chapter 14 through Sam’s POV. We see him standing apart from the other Coates kids “wearing a bright yellow V-necked sweater instead of a blazer.” This is obviously done to set him apart from the other Coates kids, and (forgive me for going all English teacher on you) the colour yellow has connotations of corruption and deceit, which fit in pretty nicely with Caine as a character. Sam then goes on to give us a more detailed description:

“He was handsome, even Sam noticed that. He had dark hair and dark eyes, not much different from Sam himself. But this boy’s face seemed to glow with an inner light. He radiated confidence, but without arrogance or condescension. In fact, he managed to seem genuinely humble even while standing alone, looking out over everyone else.”

This is one of my least favourite descriptions in the whole book because it simultaneously manages to tell us almost nothing about Caine’s appearance whilst making me cringe so hard that my muscles start to atrophy. Seen as we get very little description of Sam, telling us that Caine looks like Sam is pretty much useless – although it nicely sets up the brother twist – and dark hair and dark eyes could mean anything. Are his eyes blue, brown, black?? Is his hair black or brown?? Who knows?? Not me. And don’t even get me started on his face glowing with an inner light. Because no. I hate this line so much it actually hurts. I thought at first it may be in reference to his connection with the gaiaphage. But that makes no sense. It reminds me of the scene in The Great Gatsby where Nick describes Gatsby’s smile for about half a page and he just sounds ridiculous. I will admit the last two sentences give a good example of Caine’s ability to charm and manipulate those around him but the rest is just aaa

We also learn that he is handsome, which is then followed by what I consider to be a writer’s greatest sin. “He was handsome, even Sam noticed that” – Every. Single. Time a male character describes another male character who just so happens to be attractive in any given book from any author, we get this line. It is the writer’s equivalent of saying no homo and I’m going to make it my personal mission to call them all out on it.

Ok moving on – sorry about that. Rant over.

Sam then says that “His voice was clear and just a little higher, maybe, than Sam’s, but strong and determined. He had a way of looking at the crowed before him that made it seem he was meeting every person’s eye, seeing every person as an individual.” This is good at further establishing Caine as a leader, and shows his relationship with crowds, it gives the reader some indication of his ability to control. He is able to easily win over those of Perdido Beach with his charm.

Caine gets referred to as being attractive by a few other characters throughout the book, but the last main description we get of him is from Drake’s POV in chapter 20:

“Caine sat in his over-large leather chair, the one that had previously belonged to the mayor of Perdido Beach. It made him look small. It made him look very young. And to make matters worse, he was chewing on his thumbnail, which made it almost look like he was sucking his thumb.”

This description is kind of reminiscent of the scene with Sam and the shirt that I talked about in my Sam Temple post. He has taken over the mayor’s chair but he is not fit to take on the position of mayor. Whereas Sam’s weakness in leadership stems from his insecurities and doubts, it is Caine’s narcissism and over-confidence that make him unfit to lead. Michael gives Caine the compulsion of biting his thumbnail when he is nervous. This is a habit that people often pick up to deal with challenging emotions is a less destructive way (as opposed to having a meltdown or getting angry) and works nicely for Caine’s character. It shows that while he does have his moments where he loses control, he is capable of controlling himself to a certain degree, making it seem more likely that someone like Diana might align herself with him. This also helps to further the idea that despite his narcissism and delusions of grandeur, he is still just a kid. And of course sets up the idea that Drake is somewhat resentful towards Caine.

2.) CAINE’S PERSONALITY:

Caine’s personality is a difficult one to analyse as there are two main aspects to it – the personality he projects in order to manipulate people and his actual personality – and sometimes the line between these blurs to the point where it becomes unclear which one we are seeing. One thing that I did notice is that in this book we don’t actually get a Caine POV until the Thanksgiving battle, so we mostly see him through the eyes of Sam, Jack, Drake and Diana, who all have very different relationships with him.

As I mentioned before, we first see Caine through Sam’s POV, where we are introduced to what I’m gonna call his fake personality. Michael uses phrases such as “Caine appeared interested” alongside Astrid’s commentary, which lets the reader know that Caine is not what he appears to be, but of course the general population of Perdido Beach are not aware of this. One criticism I had towards the way that Caine’s character is portrayed is that it is initially hinted that the reason he is able to gain such control over people is because of his proficiency in manipulation and his superficial kindness (such as when he comforts the kid who asks for his mum). And yet he manages to fool almost no-one?? Astrid, Sam, Edilio, Albert, Mary and Howard all immediately see through his façade, which makes it hard to believe that this is how he gained such influence over people. (And of course all the kids at Coates who were cemented saw through it too). In fact I found myself to be kind of confused as to why anyone follows him at all?? Is it just a fear of his power?? That’s… a little disappointing. He doesn’t become mayor because he charms the population. He becomes mayor because no-one else wants to do it, and no-one can be bothered to oppose him. And even when people start to become more afraid, they aren’t afraid of Caine. It’s Drake. Although, you of course have to take into account the fact that these are just children who want someone they can look towards for help and guidance. Perhaps Caine’s persuasive abilities are less about using his charm to completely win people over and more about him being able to take advantage of situations that are presented to him. He has just enough superficial charm and makes just enough beneficial changes (such as laying down rules and protecting the food) that people are willing to overlook some of the more sinister things that he does.

That being said, I think my main issue with so many characters being able to see through Caine so quickly, is what it says about or “hero.” Sam doing nothing to stop Caine, despite him clearly knowing that Caine is bad news makes him seem a little selfish?? His insecurities stop him from doing what is right, and while it is good to have a flawed hero, his willingness to allow Caine to terrorise Perdido Beach up until he threatens Sam personally seems less like a small character flaw and more like a pretty big lapse in morality and compassion. Would Sam have ever taken control if Caine hadn’t kidnapped him?? If Sam had been fooled by Caine’s manipulation that would imo have made both of their characters better fit their respective roles of protagonist and antagonist.

That being said one of my absolute favourite lines regarding Caine is “Then let’s go in together,’ Caine said. He turned and marched purposefully up the church steps. The rest of the chosen fell in behind him.” in chapter 14. I think this perfectly captures the contrast between what Caine says and what he does, and I really love it.  One of Michael’s strengths is adding little throw away lines that can perfectly sum up a character and their intentions. And this idea of Caine saying something but meaning something else is pretty central to his character – the biggest pay-off we get from this in book 1 is him promising to protect the little’s and then (horrifyingly) feeding them to the coyotes in the final battle. This was a scene that I did not previously remember and man did I feel some emotions when reading it. There wasn’t even a second thought, absolutely no indication of remorse. I know a few times it’s mentioned throughout the books that the difference between Caine and Drake is that Caine only does what is necessary – but the scene with the coyotes really contradicts that idea.

Caine’s ‘real personality’ imo is shown in little moments throughout the books. By Caine’s real personality, I’m referring to the part of him that we don’t really see at all in this book, the part of him that is only really hinted at by Diana, and occasionally Drake. Even when Caine is around Diana and Drake, he still tries to keep up a persona – this time that of a cold and detached boy with little to no emotions. But this isn’t really who he is. I think the ‘real’ Caine is an extremely emotional person (although I would like to clarify that by emotional I mainly mean angry and sometimes scared) and there are a couple of moments where this does shine through. There are a few times where Caine loses his temper with both Drake and Diana, using his powers to injure them and to reiterate the power he has over them. I think this shows how insecure Caine truly is, despite what he would have others believe. He only ever breaks character when his authority is mocked or threatened, even if the threat holds no real intention (such as Diana’s jibe after he kisses her). I do find it interesting that, at the core, Sam and Caine are quite similar. It is how these insecurities manifest and project themselves that really define them as different. Caine’s insecurities also shine through in these quotes from Diana:

“Yes. Sam is a four bar. And Caine would freak.” – Chapter 29

“Caine, despite his over-sized ego, his looks, his charm, was terribly awkward with girls.” – Chapter 39

Caine needs to be in control. He needs to be the most powerful person in the room at all times, and the only two people who can really be considered a threat to him in this way are Diana and Sam. Sam is his main threat and Diana, of course, holds a certain amount of power over him due to his feelings towards her. However, any time that Diana seems to be gaining or trying to gain more power (most notably when she makes fun of him for kissing her and when she tries to make him call off the coyotes) he reacts with violence. But I’ll go into that more when I make a post about their relationship.

Another thing that I noticed about Caine that I hadn’t previously remembered is that, he’s a bit of a coward. We first see this in chapter 34 when Little Pete frees the Coates kids “Caine was quick. He backed away, turned, and ran for the building.” The one thing that really got me about this is that he didn’t wait for Diana. He just turned and saved himself. Which kind of brings into question why Diana stays with him. Does he offer protection?? He certainly didn’t here. He literally abandoned her and ran for the hills. The other time we really see this side of him when he uses Astrid as a human shield in chapter 45. Diana even comments on this, telling him to “be a man for once.” I don’t have much else to say about this, but I think it’s an interesting aspect of his personality that certainly makes it easier to dislike him.

Now the last thing I want to talk about in regards to his personality is chapter 36 (the chapter where Drake gets his arm cut off). Caine gets in three good moments during this scene, the first one being:

“It’s not Diana or Chunk or even me,’ Caine said. ‘It’s none of us, Drake. It’s Sam. It’s Sam who did this to you, Drake. You want him to get away with it? Or do you want to live long enough to make him suffer?”

This is one of my favourite Caine moments in the book, and it’s really one of the only times that we see his manipulation actually work on someone. He knows exactly what to say to Drake in order to shift the blame in the direction he wants. Forget that I left you behind to deal with Sam and the escaped kids yourself. Forget that Diana is sawing your arm off. Just focus on Sam. And I think this line had such an effect on Drake’s psyche (which I will explore more in my Drake post) and really excellently shows off Caine’s ability to take advantage of a pre-existing situation in order to benefit himself.

The next two moments are where I really think the lines between Caine’s persona and the ‘real’ Caine blur to the point where it’s unclear which side of him we are seeing – and I think there is an argument for both although imo I feel like it’s his persona that we are seeing.

“It’s the only way to stop the pain,’ Caine said, almost showing some emotion, some pity. ‘The arm is done for Drake-man.”

“Don’t cut off my arm,’ Drake cried. ‘Let me die. Just let me die. Shoot me.           ‘Sorry,’ Caine said. ‘But I still need you, Drake. Even one-handed.”

So, we first get the idea that Caine, at least somewhat, feels sorry for Drake. Drake’s injury is horrific and it’s clear that other characters, such as Jack and Diana, who are usually nothing but hostile to Drake (and rightfully so) feel some sympathy towards the situation. Now it’s also important to note that this scene is from Drake’s POV so we don’t actually know if the sympathy Caine is showing is real, is part of his attempt to manipulate Drake, or isn’t there at all and is just something that Drake wants. (I think the last option is entirely plausible as Drake often seeks praise from Caine, so in a situation like this it makes sense that he would seek some empathy). However, Caine then goes on to refuse Drake’s plea for death… because he needs him. Not because he’s a friend – or even just an ally. Not because he doesn’t want him to die. But because he needs him. That’s cold. And it’s really cold to tell him that – which leads me to believe that the almost sympathy Drake sees earlier on was never there, or at the very least was just a manipulation tactic. Caine cares so little for the people around him and I find it quite funny that it was his treatment of Drake (the person probably most deserving of it) in this scene that really showed me how much of a villain Caine can be.

3.) CAINE’S MOTIVATIONS:

Why does Caine do the things he does?? Why does he need to be in control?? And while we don’t really get much insight into Caine’s head in this book, there are a few good moments which allowed a reader to speculate as to what his motivations are. The first moment that really stood out to me was in chapter 39, where Caine tries to open up to Diana about his parents:

“I always had the feeling, you know? That my family wasn’t my real family. They never said I was adopted, but my mother – well, the woman I thought was my mother, I don’t know what to call her now. Anyway, her, she never talked about having me. You know, you hear moms talking about going into labour and all. She never talked about that.”

From this, we can see that Caine always felt like an outsider within his own family, he always felt like he didn’t belong. And this seems to be a pretty big motivator when it comes to Caine’s need to take over, to have power over everyone else. If he has control, then he will always have a place. He will always belong because the world will be his. Caine never fit in in the real world, his narcissism (and probably psychopathy) distanced him from other people right from the get go. But in this new world, in the FAYZ, Caine has a chance to be important, to be a ruler and he’s willing to do pretty much anything to get that. I think this idea, of his need for power and control stemming from the lack of acceptance and belonging he felt with his family, is emphasised in chapter 46, during the poof:

“Caine seemed spellbound, unable to tear his gaze away from the gentle, smiling face, the piercing blue eyes.                                                                        ‘Why?’ Caine asked in a small child’s voice.                                                             […]                                                                                                                          ‘Why him and not me?’ Caine asked.”

This is the only time I felt the slightest bit of sympathy for Caine during my re-read of this book. He is 14. A kid. He spent his whole life feeling like and outsider and now he knows that a woman he knew, a woman that he saw almost every night is his actual mother. That she also knew this and yet never tried to talk to him, to explain, to do anything. And now he’s looking at ‘her’ and all he wants to know is why. Why did she give him up?? He lacks empathy and many other emotions that allow healthy relationships with others, yet he still wants people to have that connection with him. He needs him and rely on him. So his solution is to gain enough power, enough authority and control so that people have to listen to him and have to rely on him. He doesn’t care how many people he hurts or pisses off, because in the end, if he gets what he wants, that won’t matter. He’ll be too powerful for it to matter because they’ll still need him anyway. And that’s why “All that matters is winning. So save it.” – Chapter 45

4.) CAINE’S INTENTIONS/ HIS ROLE AS A VILLAIN:

Caine’s intentions are pretty obvious from the very first time we meet him in chapter 14. And, of course, it is these intentions that really define his role as a villain. Now, in chapter 14, it never outright says that Caine’s intentions are to take complete control over Perdido Beach. In fact, Caine tries to make it seem like he wants to make a collaborative effort to help them all move forward. But once again, his actions contradict his words, most notably in these lines:

“Orc grunted, shifted the bat from right hand to left, and stuck out his thick paw. Caine grabbed it with both his hands and solemnly looked Orc in the eye as they shook hands.”

“But Caine grabbed his elbow and manoeuvred him into a handshake.” [Referring to Sam]

“Caine had moved confidently towards the altar.”

These lines subtly show that, whilst Caine talks about working together, he is really the one in charge. He is the one dictating what is happening and when it is happening, forcing Sam and Orc to shake his hand. Giving them jobs so that he can keep an eye on them (Orc) or keep them out of the way (Sam). And of course, he won’t stand with them in the church. They don’t sit around a table and talk as equals. Caine has to be up at the front. He also gets extremely angry when other people make demands, or give an idea that he can’t take credit for. The most obvious example of this being in response to Howard telling him that they wouldn’t be working for Drake.  “Sam saw a coldly furious expression appear on Caine’s handsome face, then disappear as swiftly as it had come.” This is then followed up by Caine ripping a 12ft cross off of a wall and launching it at them, so it’s safe to say that he doesn’t appreciate his authority being challenged.

Later in the book we then get more obvious examples of his intentions, as his role as the villain is fully unveiled:

“Caine, to the surprise of no-one who knew him, had taken over the mayor’s office.” – Chapter 15

“Number one says Caine is the mayor of Perdido Beach and the whole area known as the FAYZ.” – Chapter 16

After Caine basically walks into Perdido Beach, tells everyone what to do, and gets away with it, he begins to be more outright with his intentions. He immediately takes over the mayor’s office, and makes his new title of mayor the very first rule to be enforced. He isn’t really all that secretive about his intentions, at least not after the initial meeting. I think this is a measure of his confidence – he doesn’t feel at all threatened by the people of Perdido Beach. I think one of the reasons that Caine is such a good villain, is that when he is in control, he isn’t that bad?? I mean sure, having Drake as sheriff is less than ideal, but Caine himself is not a bad leader. He comes up with rules that both make sense and do actively increase the quality of life of those in Perdido Beach (minus the no magic tricks rule). It’s only what Caine is willing to do in order to get that power that actually makes him the villain. Once he has it, he’s not really a threat?? And then of course, we get Caine’s fantastic little speech in chapter 42 that really just sums up all these ideas in much less words:

“What was I supposed to do? Coates? That’s it? How do you not see what an opportunity this is? We’re in a whole new world. I’m the most powerful person in that whole new world. No adults. No parents or teachers or cops. It’s perfect. Perfect for me. All I have to do is take care of Sam and a few others, and I’ll have complete control.”

Because if it wasn’t for his ego, if he hadn’t attacked Sam, if he hadn’t used Drake to cause fear and enmity, he would have had it. He would have gotten his complete control, because no-one else really wanted to be in charge. The fool is his own worst enemy.

5.) CAINE’S POWERS:

So, the last thing I wanted to discuss about Caine, is his powers. To me, it seemed whilst reading that his powers are almost an extension of his personality. Caine is naturally a very domineering person, and so it makes sense that his power is the ability to control things with his mind. The first time we see Caine’s powers (also the first time we see anyone purposefully use their powers) is in the church:

“Caine sighed, raised his hands, and used both palms to smooth back his hair.                                                   There came a rumble, up through the floor and pews. A small earthquake…                                        […]                                                                                                                                                                   But then came a rending sound, steel and wood twisting, and the crucifix separated from the wall. It ripped free of the bolts holding it in place, like an invisible giant had yanked it away.                              […]                                                                                                                                                             The crucifix toppled forwards. It fell like a chain sawed tree.                                                     ��                                                       As it fell, Caine dropped his hands to his sides. His face was grim, hard, and angry.                                                                                                 The crucifix, at least a dozen feet tall, slammed with shocking force down onto the front-row pew. The impact was as loud and sudden as a car wreck.” – Chapter 14

I like how, similarly to the way he talks, the first time we see a display of his power, he is hiding it – his body language is suggesting one action whilst he is actually doing something else entirely. This again makes me feel like the powers are an extension of personalities (and I will give other examples of this is later posts).  I also noticed that the use of his powers is almost always as a response to his anger, something that Sam also learns to do thanks to Astrid’s guidance. These two scenes are great examples of this:

“Caine’s smile was cold. He raised his hand, palm out. An invisible fist hit Sam in the face. He staggered back. He barely stopped himself from falling, but his head was reeling. Blood leaked from his nose.” – Chapter 21

“Caine reached back over his shoulder with one hand, not even looking back. He spread his fingers, bared his palms. The fallen portion of the wall came apart, brick by brick. One by one, as though each brick had sprouted wings, they lifted off and flew. The bricks hurtled past Caine’s head and through the open door as fast as machine-gun bullets.” – Chapter 31

Unlike Sam, who often uses his powers as a defence strategy, Caine always uses them as a method of attack. He attacks Orc’s gang, Drake, Sam and Andrew – not as a last resort, but as a warning. He likes to make a big display of his power in order to deter people from actually engaging in a fight. Although when it does come down to an actual fight, he tends to be a little less confrontational and a little bit more of a coward. I mean come one. Hiding behind Astrid was low. At least this is the case in book 1.

Next, is the development of his powers. Unlike Sam, we know that Caine did not discover his powers alone:

“Several of us developed strange powers, starting a few months ago,’ Caine said conversationally. ‘We were like a secret club. Frederico, Andrew, Dekka, Brianna, some others. We worked together to develop them. Encouraged each other. See, that’s the difference between Coates people and you townies. In boarding school it’s hard to keep secrets. But soon it became clear that my powers were of a whole different order. What I just did to you? No one else could do that.”

The Coates kids formed a sort of support group for each other, which is why they have such a good understanding of their powers, as opposed to Lana and the Perdido Beach kids, who either hid their powers or else didn’t discover them until the FAYZ began. One thing that I do find interesting about this, is that the Coates kids all seemed to develop their powers pretty late. Caine says that the powers started a few months ago, and yet Sam first used his 14 months before the FAYZ began. I think that goes to show how the Coates environment really gave Caine the ability to experiment with and foster his powers, which is why he has such control. He achieved in a few months what is took Sam over a year to do. (One thing that I think would have been nice to have is perhaps in a later book some flashbacks on the Coates kids working together to do this. But oh well)

Thank you so much again for reading, and please feel free to add your thoughts. Next up is Diana and I have a lot to say about her. :)

#the gone series #caine soren #Gone

[jeongahn]

Fallin’ Flower: Dissecting the Imagery By Member

*Note how each scene happens on generally the same platform - the circular epicenter, the rooms, ect. How the portals that enlightened all of them bred from one another and lead them to this epicenter which was once depicting struggle - but now depicts freedom. When you keep this in mind, it’s easy to see how this MV came full circle. Much like the first scene of the MV where the choreo has Jeonghan in the center, and his “blooming” motion sets off this reaction of others like a domino effect. This seems to be the concept.

image credits: @sunnie-dk / @qvyen

- - - - 

Joshua: Healing

Joshua is trapped inside a room, similar to Vernon’s in trauma. Both Vernon and Joshua have ties to America - Joshua living most of his life there, Vernon being constantly referenced as “American” due to his ethnicity. This is vague. But the similarity of the scene was so apparent, and this was the only connection I could draw. There is webbing on this massive hole in the wall that may serve as Joshua’s escape. But due to it’s weak threads, it seems as though it wouldn’t be strong enough to hold Joshua back. Instead, it seems like Joshua himself put the web up in an attempt to keep things out. A way to distance himself between himself, and whatever is behind that wall. This can also be interpreted as his attempt to patch up a wound. He’s still staring at this gaping hole, despite his efforts.

Later on in the MV (which is also the thumbnail) you can clearly see a bundle of flowers held against his face using a bandage. This same idea is shown once again on Vernon’s (?) hand, baring the a similar  bundle of flowers adhered to his “wound” with flowers. There was this concept I recalled where artists would piece together a broken artifact using gold, called Kintsugi. This represented the idea of finding beauty in your broken pieces. That wounds, scars, flaws - are beautiful. It represents your fight, and your healing. He’s surrounded by broken objects that he could hurt himself with if he’s not careful (which are also in Vernon’s scene, but unbroken). Hell he even has thorns on his hands. His scene represents how easy it is to get hurt. How healing doesn’t have to be an ugly process. And how your battle scars are not flaws - they’re made of gold.

The hand covered in thorns may represents how easy it is to hurt someone with your actions, even yourself. It’s a fearful thought. One that may make you want to isolate yourself from others. But later on, we see this sole hand connect to another thorned hand - by the unthorned palms. If you are careful, you may not cause the hurt that you fear. Alternatively: while Joshua healed Vernon (as shown by the flower bundle on his arms), Vernon broke Joshua (as shown by the statues shattered on the floor; a bust is also seen in Vernon’s scene). This could be a representation of miscommunication. The pain after an argument. OR Vernon taught Joshua how to care for himself (bandages) and Joshua taught Vernon about self expression (the statues).

- - - - - -

Minghao: Empathy

Minghao showcased emotion so beautifully in this MV. I could feel this sense of tire, almost to say “I’m so exhausted, and I have to go on. I must go on,”. It’s the type of exasperation that reminds me of when a friend is venting their situation to you. There’s this sense of determination despite a lack of energy. It’s subtle. 

But while he and Hoshi dance in chains, he looks over to Hoshi. And the look felt like he could feel what Hoshi’s frantic fight for freedom meant to him. The expression was almost...like he is determined to save him. Full of understanding, and almost apologetic. He could sense the under current of Hoshi’s emotions: frustration, tire, and desperation. And it pained him to feel this. 

We see Hoshi stare up at Minghao’s extended arms which seem to depict the image of a bird spreading it’s wings (or as another pointed out, a blooming flower)  - Hoshi seems to like he is in awe. It feels as though Minghao is both soothing Hoshi’s intensity, but also motivating him by showing him a clear depiction of what he’s fighting for. With Minghao’s understanding, it seems like Hoshi is able to free himself.

This exhaustive dance between the two could relate to how this struggle of empathy effects Minghao directly. He feels as though he’s fighting against something that wont let him go. The chains that bind both Hoshi and Minghao are pulling them in opposite directions. This type of resistance will wear you out - quickly. In this context, it seems like the burnout could relate to taking on the burden of your friend’s emotions. Suddenly, their chains becomes your own. 

Minghao is exhausting himself to keep Hoshi’s flames both contained and alive. If you’ve ever done this with fire, you know how exhausting it can be. Couple this with fighting to keep his own mentally clear - its no wonder he seems so worn out.

- - - - - -

Hoshi: The Fighter

Hoshi is chained, kicking out and lunging as the anchor of the chain shifts on the floor. He looks desperate. He’s so close to being free. But you can tell he’s worn thin. He’s fighting, and he’s too close to breaking these chains. He can be free, but how long does he have to fight? Does he have enough left inside him to fight? (The answer is yes)

Later on in the MV, we can see Hoshi looking through a hole / portal in the way - which I refer to as “the portal” in later in the post. He broke through not only his chains, but the walls around him. This causes a surge. Couple this with the alternate tempo of the song - the vibe begins to change in several scenes.

The portal appears in Vernon’s scene, then this shifts to Joshua (through the statue* a common item between the two scenes) who stares challengingly at the web that obscures his escape, which then leads into Jun waking from his trance to stare down at the ground beneath him, then to Wonwoo who stands to his feet and scrutinize his bound hands. The portal is seen linking all the members together. Towards the end of the MV - its this same portal that leads them all to the epicenter where they look at the flowers in gratitude.

Hoshi’s will to fight against his chains is represented in the portals. They appear to everyone, and urge them to do the same. His fight reminded everyone of that if they can’t give in, they can be fight to their own freedom.

Off topic - the portal seems to be a mirror. Self reflection? Idealization? It can mean a lot of different things.

- - - - - -

Jeonghan: The Dangers of Comfort

Jeonghan is chained to this bed. At first glance - he looks comfortable. The bed has a fluffy duvet and blanket. He’s wearing a feathered shirt that looks so soft and dreamy. He even appears content in some scenes. Sleeping in this luxurious comfort. 

But as the scenes draw outward - you see how isolated he is. There is nothing but him and this bed that he cannot escape. Nothing but him and his comfort. He can only stare up at this hole in his ceiling, wistfully. There’s this saying, that people don’t change when they are comfortable. Knowing what we do from Jeonghan, not improving scares him. 

He stares tiredly at his chains. He looks as though he’s given up. It’s like he accepts it. There’s no one there to help him, and he feels weak on his own. He can’t do this alone. He’s trapped in his comfort, unable to take the chances that he longs for.

Later on in the scenes, we see Jeonghan unchained - moving around in space. Almost like a bird who has been set free. The feathers begin to make sense. He is a caged bird, he needs help in order to be set free. This relates to Jeonghan’s own idea that on his own, he is “weak”. Which is why the members serve as his form of comfort, together they are “strong”

- - - - - - Mingyu: A Garden of Opportunity

Mingyu is seen sitting horizontally among several flowers, atop a closed doorway. Doorways often times relate to opportunity, “opening new doors”. For Mingyu, he has been given the most opportunity of the group. He’s been an MV, an actor, a model, a variety show guest more often than the others. But juggling so many opportunities at once is hard. He is still Mingyu of Seventeen, while doing all of these things. Being that alone is tiring as is, and although he should and probably is grateful for these opportunities - they may drain him. The door remains shut as he seems to struggle with the idea of taking these opportunities. On one hand,he should be grateful to be considered. On the other he’s exhausted, and maybe even a little guilty on having to take on so much.

Flowers are often offered in congratulations to someone’s achievements. There is a scene later where Mingyu stares up with this...expression. It’s so hard to describe. He looks like he’s about to cry out of happiness. Then flower petals shower onto him like he’s in cleansing rainfall. He is receiving praise for his efforts. And it means so much to him. 

- - - - - - 

Jun: Stagnation / Rejection of Reality

Jun is suspend in air, close to the flowers we see in the final scene of the MV. This represents how close he is to freedom. But Jun is in this peaceful trance like state, dangling in the air with no sign of consciousness. This could relate to the idea of distancing himself from reality. When we distance ourselves from reality, it’s often times a coping mechanism. It may seem like we’re free because we are not at the mercy of the reality. But this doesn’t mean the trauma did not occur. Jun is caught in the middle of reality (the ground) and freedom (the flowers). But he is not moving forward, nor backward. He is not aware of where he is. In a sense, he is trapped between the two and has almost fully disconnected from the either of them. Later on, when Hoshi’s surge passes through the members - we see Jun looking down at the ground (reality). Perhaps he saw Wonwoo rise to his feet, and noticed the state Wonwoo was in. Jun is later seen staring down at Wonwoo, who stares up at Jun. They both have similar expressions that both seem to say, “I’m saved,” “Welcome back, my friend,”.

This can relate to WonHui’s differences. While Wonwoo is tied to the ground by his emotional turmoil that he rarely expresses, Jun rejects his emotions and instead floats high above ground. This might be why they’re in the same scene.

- - - - - - Wonwoo: Pulled In Opposite Directions

Wonwoo is seen kneeling that the same epicenter that many others are seen in. Ropes are attached to either end of the circle’s center - connecting to Wonwoo by either hand. This could represent Wonwoo feeling as though he’s being pulled two different ways - that there is a part of him that is in distinct halves which are failing to connect. This blocks integration, the necessary communication between the two halves.

He’s caught between what he feels, and what he must do. It’s rare that Wonwoo expresses his emotions. He says that he bottles up often. This can tear you up inside. He’s stuck between wanting to scream because he is so frustrated, and needing to maintain composure because it’s his duty. This suffocating feeling is further shown in how condensed Wonwoo’s atmophere is. The clouds are so close to the ground he’s kneeling on, so much so that it becomes apparent when he finally stands. These same clouds that were above his head, are now at his waist. He has lifted himself out of the fog. Wonwoo has mentioned that the members ease this turmoil. But in this scene, Wonwoo is alone (save for a suspected Jun). When Jun appears, we get this feeling that Wonwoo is going to be okay because he is no longer alone with his disjointed halves. He’s reminded that is he is whole.  - - - - - - Woozi: The Artist In a dark room we see a painting with a hole punched through it. Adjacent to this painting is an image of a person with their face blanked out by paint. We then see Woozi, a pristine man with paint covering his hands and arms. It’s clear that he is the artist who is acting out these frustrations against his art. I feel that this goes without saying - Woozi (the artist) creates the songs (the art) and essentially holds Seventeen’s future in his hands. We know from 17Project alone what this pressure does to him. When you’re so busy being something for other people, you lose sight of yourself. Which is why the image of this unknown face is blanked out by paint - why he retaliates against the picture he painted. In this scene, light streams into the dark room. Woozi approaches the light, and peers at it. I’m going to assume this is the portal from Vernon’s scene - which is depicted as a mirror, and Wonwoo’s lights flashing across this mirror into Woozi’s room. Woozi has mentioned how Vernon’s thoughts amuse him, and how he’s always amazed by what Vernon comes up with. Vernon is the change of pace Woozi needs in his routine. 

While in this light, Woozi lifts an arm to inspect the paint coating it. Perhaps he’s reminding himself of why “paints” (makes music) in the first place. He had lost site of his reasoning, in that dark room (stress).

- - - - - - Vernon: Stuck In His Own Head

Vernon’s scene is really interesting to me. He’s literally inside his own head, but at first glance we don’t notice it. He’s in this room with a projector, staring straight ahead at a wall where distorted images are flickering onto the surface. Later on, we see Joshua and Jun appear among the images, along with another image relating to Seungkwan. He’s recollecting memories, or seeing a possible outcome for the future (Jun in awake in these photos; as opposed to being in a trance). From the lens of his own mind. The interesting part is that Vernon isn’t acting nor reacting to anything at all. Even when Hoshi’s portal appears to him in the form of a mirror on the floor, Vernon does not react. This is where things become a bit clearer: we see Vernon in that portal. Not anyone else. No change in his scenery at all. The person that Vernon is on the outside, is who he is on this inside. Vernon paints his world in his own colors. This is why I think Vernon’s portal reflects light onto Woozi - who is struggling with his identity. Vernon has a clear vision of himself, and everyone else around him. It’s like he knew everything would be okay, and that’s just Vernon for you - the optimistic visionary. - - - - - - DK: The Sun

DK appears at the epicenter a band of round objects rotating around him. This seems to depict planets circling a source - namely the sun. For years we’ve known DK to be our sunlight. His shine chases away darkness, and warms our spirits. This is his role in SVT as well. But why is the area around him devoid of light? Why is he looking to these planets in slight exasperation? As if there are too many for him to handle at this time? Because it’s impossible for someone to always be “light”. He is the moodmaker, but his mood may not always be bright. Perhaps he might feel the pressure to be well and lively because of how heavily the atmosphere revolves around him. This can also relate to his role as a vocalist. His voice lifts the song up and almost carries it in the direction it needs to go. He always has to be “on”. And that can be a lot to handle. - - - - - - S. Coups: Solitude This one is simple. I almost overlooked it because it was that simple. S.Coups is in this void of some sort. All we can see are whirling drapes, and his own shadow with him. This can represent what it means to be leader. This self-isolating feeling of putting yourself underneath the responsibility of others. We’re aware of what’s been going with S.Coups mental health. Much like Woozi, you can lose yourself when you’re busy being something to someone. Perhaps it could symbolize being stuck, or being lost. Or even a peaceful, empty space. There are many ways you can think of this scene. But all seem to point in the direction of a much needed halt. - - - - - -

Seungkwan: Connection

At first glance, Seungkwan’s scene didn’t seem to register any thought for me. When I thought about the blues in his scenes, and the flowers he was holding - it reminds me of the blue scene with scattered flowers projecting onto Vernon’s wall. The drapes in his scene reminded me of S.Coups void. And the camera he held directly correlated with Woozi’s scene, which then correlates to Vernon’s imagery of recorded media. Seungkwan is the connecting factor between these three. In general, Seungkwan is the character that connects Seventeen to the world. When people talk about Seventeen, they talk about how much they love Seungkwan. Seungkwan is usually the member that stands out in variety. He’s great at communicating and setting the tone for these types of things. That is his role, and at times, his burden. But he seems light. Content almost. 

It’s because he enjoys this role more than it burdens him. - - - - - - Dino: Undetermined Dino’s scene elicits virtually no thought from me. And maybe that’s the point. Dino is the youngest of the group - the member with so much potential and talent, but the most “green” member as well. In Dino’s scene, he almost seems lost. He’s literally just there, in darkness. Almost confused, but in a way...it’s like he knows something we don’t. He isn’t scared. Nor is he hurting. But he’s also not content. He seems to be searching, if I’m not mistaken? In this interpretation, it’s like Dino is wandering and searching for whatever it is that he’s searching for. What that thing is, only Dino knows. But does he? It seems almost like a coming of age concept. He’s moving forward, with no direction. But full of intent. And I think that reflects a side of Dino that we rarely see - but can totally conceptualize.

- - - - - - - This MV seems to revolve around the idea of vulnerability and how susceptible we are to the world. There are many ways in which our vulnerability is compromised, and how the consequences of this may manifest. We can feel locked in. Or shut out. Or even relish in this safe sphere our minds develop. But we can grow from it. We shouldn’t be afraid of standing up and fighting our way out of our walls. And we also shouldn’t be ashamed of needing help. All in all, the idea is how falling isn’t a bad thing. You have the potential to get back up.

#fallin' flower #i posted this to the wrong blog #*tp #the amount of domino effects in this mv is stunning #its like each struggle is so unique #but then relates to anothers #and another person's victory #causes waves that help others #which causes another wave that helps others #and then we're back to square one #if i made typos let me know #i big brained ALL OVER THIS POST #please read at least one excerpt lol #its SO interesting how they did all of this #and i want people to NOTICE it #i might make a gfx out of this #but honestly i have no ideas thus far #but the concept is there

[beyondconfessor]

Principle Decisions [7/24]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Lilith/Zelda Spellman

Summary: She had engaged in dominatrix services from Sabrina’s principal. It was enough to make her light-headed. 

N.B.: Also posted on AO3. This is pure fantasy, please suspend your disbelief. Chapter ends angsty with mentions of self-harm (nothing explicit or overt, just a Lilith advising Zelda that she was pushing her limits to hurt her self)

Zelda chewed on her thumbnail, looking across the expanse of lingerie she owned. She was suddenly finding herself indecisive over what set to wear––something she usually wasn’t.

Usually, she’d go for the ivory and black set (a favourite), but Lilith had seen that. There was a ruby set, but Zelda wasn’t sure she liked how it went with her hair. Maybe the emerald, she wondered, or the black (also a favourite).

She sighed, standing in her dressing robe. She never fussed this much when dating any man, outside of the occasional birthday. It’d been some time since she was nervous over the idea of what to wear, which only further set her in a state of unease. Was it because Lilith initiated her enough that she felt a need to impress the woman, or was it something deeper?

Was she perhaps so lonely, that she’d projected a romantic fantasy onto the woman? It wasn’t unheard of.

But that didn’t solve her current issue: the choice between lingerie.

It was hardly as if she had anyone else’s opinion to ask. She’d never been one to have close female friends. She had a group of girlfriends in school, a long time ago, but she wouldn’t ever refer to that as being close friends. There’d been far too much backstabbing and bitching of one another to be anything but rivals masking as friends.

Perhaps that said something about her more than she liked. The closest person she could refer to as a friend was Constance Blackwood, and that was only because Constance had once advised, while drunk at a mixer, that everyone was a bunch of cowardly bitches and Zelda was the only person she trusted to tell the truth.

But she couldn’t contact her about this.

Sighing, she drew away, grabbing at the ivory set. It was an old favourite and would just have to do for now. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t already had sex with the woman (though both times had been impromptu) and Lilith had seen her in lingerie before. So what did it matter what she wore? She was showered and clean, and in the end, it was all that mattered.

She switched for the emerald.

And then she dressed in a simple black dress, smoothing the arms down. The dress was simple, casual, and acted as a disguise for her as she came down the stairs.

“Ohh, you look nice,” Hilda said. “Off to somewhere?”

Zelda looked at the time. It was still early in the morning at least. “The office, my laptop is in the computer shop, and I have work I need to get done by Monday.” Not entirely false. She did plan on going to the school’s library afterwards.

Hilda seemed to frown at her but didn’t say anything. “Well, I’ll be off to Doctor Cee’s, did you want me to drop you off.”

Zelda paused. There was no way in hell she’d allow that. “There’s no need. I’ll be at University for some time.”

“Are you sure, I finish at four, I could pick you up again?”

Zelda pressed her lips shut. “Quite,” she said. “What time are you leaving?”

“Oh, well Doctor Cee’s opening so I’ll probably wander off in about fifteen minutes.”

Zelda nodded. She’d leave a little later; otherwise, Hilda was likely to see her going the opposite way to the University, and she honestly didn’t need that. Besides, she usually ended up fifteen minutes early.

Zelda realised her mistake too late when she realised that Saturday mornings were quite busy with the weekend markets, causing the streets to be busy with pedestrians, leading to arrive on the other side of town late.

Dreadfully late.

She was an entire ten minutes late. Tardy by all accounts, and when she rang the doorbell, Lilith opened it up with raised brow. “I believe I warned you that I don’t appreciate late clients,” she said, blocking the door.

“Believe me. It was not by choice. I had forgotten about the Saturday mid-morning traffic. I don’t usually drive to this end of town, as you can imagine. Or to town at all on the weekend.”

Lilith’s eyebrows rose, “Perhaps I should buy you a GPS, and then you can listen to its advice on traffic? Or perhaps I should have you read the clock face on the wall until I’m satisfied that you can tell the time?”

Zelda flushed. “It won’t happen again.”

“Mm, odds are now in the favour that it will occur again,” Lilith said, before pushing away from the door to allow her entrance. “But you can make it up to me. Get inside before someone sees you, Ms Spellman.”

Zelda shivered, stepping into the hallway. Though she expected Lilith to lead her up to the bedroom, the woman instead led her down the hall, past the kitchen, to the garden.

Zelda swallowed. The garden was outside, and it was a Saturday. Having parked her car, she was aware that the businesses on either side of the building were open. The streets were not busy by any stretch of the definition, but the garage door had been open, and the mattress store had its lights on.

She trusted that they weren’t aware of what Lilith’s business was, given that it was unmarked, but felt nervous nonetheless as Lilith opened the door to the patio, leading her outside.

“Yesterday, I admit I was deliciously surprised by the reaction you had,” Lilith said, as she continued to lead her from the concrete to the stone path leading underneath the great tree. “And I have the strangest suspicion that you are an exhibitionist.”

“Exhibitionist?” Zelda said. “I hardly think so.”

“Mm, and if I fucked out here with the sound of the mechanics working on cars, you wouldn’t get off on the idea that you had to keep quiet?”

Zelda flushed. She could hear the sounds of hammering on metal, the odd chatter and laughter from the garage.

“I bet if I even just told you to get undressed right now, you’d be in a quivering mess at the idea of kneeling on the grass, naked as people were next door going about their lives.”

Zelda shut her eyes, looking away. Admittedly, she could see the point that Lilith was getting at. There was every possibility that, perhaps, she wasn’t entirely against the idea of outdoor sex. “Isn’t exhibitionism the idea of being watched?”

Lilith shrugged. “For some people. For some, it’s just thrill that they might get caught.” Lilith’s hands were slipping over her waist, and suddenly Zelda was finding herself back up against the great tree. “If you’re very, very quiet, no one will know. But if you’re loud, and I know you’re loud, the man will go out of their way to peak over that great big fence and see what’s going on and we don’t want that, now do we?”

Zelda looked to the fence line. It was rather tall, difficult to see over. They’d have to get a stepladder to do it. Which given that they’re a mechanic, was not entirely impossible for them. Likely they had one lying about or boxes, or some sort of implement they could use to peak over if they were curious enough.

“Do you think you can be quiet?” Lilith enquired, and her hands were already tugging up the skirt of her dress, fingers raking over her bare skin. “Or will I have to gag you?”

Zelda scoffed. “I can be quiet,” she assured. “I do live in a house with three other people.”

Lilith drew over her skin, playing with the lace on her hips as she leant forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. Zelda sighed into her mouth, drawing her lips over hers as she wrapped her arms around Lilith’s shoulders.

There was something about the way that Lilith kissed. A tenderness in how she first started, drawing over her, before she would deepen the kiss, drawing more and more passion into it until it was teeth and tongue and Zelda felt as if she was drowning in rapturous delight.

And then Lilith’s mouth was drawing down her neck and shoulders, kissing there as she unzipped the dress and shoved it down her arms, leaving it to bunch around her waist as she moved to draw her mouth over her shoulders, her clavicle, down over her breasts peaking from teal lace and silk.

Lilith drew the straps of the bra down her shoulders, allowing the cups to slip down over her ribs, exposing her breasts.

“Give me your hands,” Lilith said, before kissing her again so dizzily, that Zelda forgot to ask why.

She dropped her hands from Lilith’s shoulders and felt the woman slip what felt like a leather cuff over one hand and then the other. And then Lilith was pulling back and drawing Zelda’s cuffed arms up into the air, over a branch.

Looking up, Zelda watched as the woman attached a double-ended snap hook on a metal clap on either cuff, over the top of a rather sturdy branch, leaving Zelda to stand awkwardly with her arms in the air.

“Much better,” Lilith said, raking her eyes over Zelda.

And then Lilith’s mouth was descending again.

Zelda’s hands grasped at the branches, trying to hold onto something as her legs became unsteady. It was divine and sinful at the same time. She could hear the sound of drilling, of hammering, of men talking and laughing to each other and as she became more and more aware of them, she felt a tightness tugging low in her belly, a need to gasp and swallow back the building sounds.

It was different to when she had brought long-term partners home or had masturbated in the depths of her sheets. Here, there was an absolute desire to want to get caught. To have the men intrigued, trying to peak over the fences and see nothing, knowing that something was going on.

Zelda whined low, biting her lip to prevent it from escaping as Lilith laughed, her tongue and teeth working on once breast as her hand worked the other.

“I once made someone orgasm from this alone.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Zelda responded breathlessly, eyes squeezing shut as she leant back against the tree.

“Usually, you argue with me. And here I was, all ready to prove my point,” Lilith said before dropping her mouth again against the nipple, teeth drawing over as she did something with her mouth that caused a sudden spike of desire to shoot straight through to Zelda’s core.

“God! Lilith I…” she rocked her hips, a whine pulling from the back of her throat. She wanted more. She was so close already she could feel her legs trembling.

Lilith pulled back, eyes staring up at her and Zelda clamped her jaw shut, trying to stand strong. “You will need to be careful,” Lilith warned. “If you can’t be quiet, I might have to find something else to do with you.”

Zelda swallowed and nodded, head rolling back to look up at the tree and the dappled light. She felt a hand squeeze over one breast and then felt Lilith tug at the bunched dress, dropping it down her legs to spill around her feet.

“If you’re quiet, I’ll give you a reward later.”

Her head dropped down, eyebrows rising “What kind of reward?”

“Be good, and I’ll let you know,” Lilith said, as her fingers played with her breast and nipple, squeezing with enough pressure that Zelda bit her lip, holding back the whimpers. “Can you be good for me?”

“Mmhmm,” Zelda managed to say, under certain in how the woman knew how to do what she did.

“Good,” Lilith said, and then her mouth was kissing down, between her chest, over her ribs, and down and Zelda was pressing her hands back against the tree, listening to the sound of mechanical work and idle chatter fill her as Lilith reached the scrap of emerald between her thighs.

She expected it to be pulled down or pushed to the side, or whatever, but Lilith’s tongue drew over it prominently as she drew a hand down Zelda’s waist, nails dragging over the skin, across the hip to thigh and then she was tugging at the back of Zelda’s leg, bending the knee until Zelda had a leg thrown over Lilith’s shoulder.

Her shoe fell off onto the ground, and Zelda didn’t care. Didn’t care if it got muddied or grass stains, not when Lilith was doing whatever that was.

Grasping at the bough of the tree, Zelda pressed her back against bark, feeling it scrape over her body as she rocked her hips over Lilith’s tongue.

If Lilith wasn’t careful, she was going to make her climax in her underwear, likely ruining them.

Who was she kidding? She could feel how wet she was already; it was slick and sticking, sliding with every movement. Her underwear was ruined already.

What she really wanted was the woman’s fingers inside of her, fucking her like she had yesterday.

Zelda bit her lip and made the terrible decision to look down just as Lilith looked up. Her eyes were bright, a smirking pulling at her lips as her tongue slid over, firmly pressing as her hand continued to squeeze and pinch.

It wasn’t enough sensation, and as Zelda’s hips jerked, her bare heel digging into Lilith’s back, she felt a string of curse words leave her mouth. There was a brief sound of mechanics stopping, laughter dying with a curious lilt of conversation as the men needed to pause in their work.

And then Lilith's fingers were tugging the underwear aside, and her tongue was sliding over her sex, and two fingers were pressing inside of her, and Zelda knew she needed to keep quiet. She knew she couldn’t say another word.

Tilting her head into her bound arms, she tried to muffle the moans spilling from her. And then, like relief, the orgasm came, and she was whining into the flesh of her bicep, focusing on the way that she was squeezing around Lilith’s fingers…until they slipped away and Lilith’s tongue gave a last lick.

Zelda drew in a breath, eyes going skyward to focus on the sun before she dropped down to look at the smirking woman as Lilith slowly eased Zelda’s foot onto the ground. And then she was rising, her hands holding Zelda steady as she kissed her.

Tenderly, softly her lips moved over hers, and Zelda felt herself quiver with the touch. An ache building in her chest.

“Look at you, you almost managed it,” Lilith said.

“Almost?”

“Oh yes, you were rather noisy just before the end. A passing grade, I suppose.”

“Passing grade,” Zelda nearly yelped, eyes narrowing. “What in God’s name does that even mean.”

Lilith hummed, her hands drawing circles over Zelda’s torso. “It means that you’re all mine, and I get to inflict all sorts of punishments to you.” Her hand came up, cupping under Zelda’s jawline, her thumb stroking over her cheek. “Don’t worry. I promise that you won't enjoy this as much as I will.”

Zelda shivered, standing up as tall as she could as she adjusted her grip on the tree. There was nothing she wanted more than to touch Lilith right now. Stroke her hands over her skin and run it through her hair. The most she could do without looking to wanton was lean back against the tree and hoped she looked as seductive as possible.

Lilith’s eyes darkened, a slow breath pulling into her lungs, and Zelda knew she had her for the moment. That if she said the right words, she could do the very same things to Lilith that she’d done to her.

And right now, the idea of tying Lilith up and going down on her until she was pleading, was exactly what she had in mind.

Lilith laughed, looking away. “Oh, I don’t think so,” she said. “Whatever naughty thought you have in your head if you want our roles to reverse, you’re going to have to ask me very, very nicely.”

Zelda considered asking to be untied, to act as the dominant one in this situation, but it defeated the purpose. She didn’t want to ask. She just wanted.

“Now be a good girl and wait here for me,” Lilith said, her hand dropping away. Zelda watched as she stepped back, and then made her way down the stone path, back to the house. It left Zelda tied up, her bra still around her waist, underwear sitting uncomfortably to one side, and her hands bound above her in the tree.

Zelda shivered as a breeze brushed through the garden, making her all the more aware of her undressed state, even with the warm light coming through the trees.

She ended up kicking off her other heel, uncomfortable wearing just one shoe, and standing on the balls of her feet, leaning back against the tree as Lilith finally returned with items in tow.

“Don’t you look good enough to eat,” Lilith proclaimed, setting her tools aside. Zelda eyed them with interest before Lilith’s brow rose, and she used her frame to block the view of whatever was brought out. “No peeking,” she said, before bending back over her assortment, seeming to hum to herself as she chose between them.

Zelda pushed on her feet, already growing tired of waiting, before Lilith picked something up and turned around, holding whatever it was behind her back.

She tucked it in the back of her skirt and then walked up, hands drawing over Zelda’s body, her nails raking over her hips to the dip in her waist, and then up.

“I’m going to turn you around, and then I’m going to mark your back, and you’re going to take it like a good girl because you were late. Do you know how many minutes you were late?”

“Ten.”

“Fifteen,” Lilith correct. “You should have arrived at least five minutes before your allocated session.”

Zelda nodded, feeling the haze of endorphins slip over her still as Lilith reached up and unbound her before having her turn around and binding her up again.

The woman pressed against her back, and Zelda sighed as she felt how warm she was. “Do you remember your safe word?”

“Music box,” Zelda confirmed.

Lilith’s hand combed through her head, nails bluntly rolling over her scalp and Zelda sighed into the touch. Sometimes it felt like Lilith was conditioning her, that when she combed her fingers, it was a reminder that she was safe. And then Lilith pressed a brief kiss to her back, and Zelda sighed at the touch.

If it was the case, she didn’t mind a single bit.

“Let’s begin then, shall we?”

The flogging session drew over her back, and Zelda felt the mixture of endorphins acting as a somewhat effective numbing agent. Lilith’s strikes were strong and firm, and Zelda felt the leather strike down her skin and around her breasts. When the nipples were hit on the very edge, she hissed, pushing up on her toes. She’d taken eight strikes so far––halfway there.

Lilith paused, stepped forward to press her kiss down her back, unclasping the bra to it drop away.

Zelda exhaled, her heart beating fast as she felt the woman’s hands hold her steady. Her skin felt hot, and the cool hand drew over her, soothing. Zelda could feel her nerves running raw, building pressure in her chest. If she pushed too far, she was going to cry again.

But if she was honest…a part of her wanted to.

Work had built to new capacities of stressful, and there was so much she needed to do––with her computer out of action, she was doubling her work.

She would never allow herself to break in front of her family. But Lilith wasn’t family.

The strikes came again, and Zelda gripped at the bough of the tree, holding onto it firm as she felt one, after another. The sound was loud and sharp. There was a different feeling of the strikes than it had been in the office and the bedroom.

By the twelfth strike, she was biting her lip, feeling the emotions build inside of her, and suddenly she was in doubt that she did want to break. The sex had been wonderful, and the bondage was soothing, but this…she wasn’t sure she liked this.

Thirteen, Zelda gasped. It hit hard over her shoulder, ringing through her body. There was a masochistic want growing inside of her, a need for the strikes to be harder. She wanted it to hurt. She wanted them to burn across her back and mark her skin. She deserved it. Need it.

Fourteen. Zelda’s nails dug into the palm of her hand. One more, one more was all she had to stand and then it was all hers.

Her eyes were pricking as she stared at the tree, studying the grooves, and then Zelda could feel her mind receding away. She could feel the sting against her back, hear the sound of weapon, but all she could think about was––

A hand touched her and Zelda flinched, feeling anger grow inside of her as she turned over her shoulder to look at…

…at Lilith.

Her arms were undone, and she was falling against the woman, and Lilith was pulling her back to stand up again, eyes searching over her. “Where did you go?” she asked, and there was a firmness to her voice. She was displeased with her.

Zelda felt that harder than any strike and pulled herself backwards, onto her feet as she leant against the tree and crossed her arms, covering her chest up. “Unless I suddenly developed the ability to teleport, I didn’t go anywhere.”

Lilith’s eyes narrowed at her. She picked up Zelda’s clothes and then made a gesture to her head to get inside. This wasn’t the place to discuss.

Zelda followed her into the house, the door shutting behind her as she was lead to the kitchen. On the wall, Zelda could see they still had another hour of the session left.

But Lilith didn’t move to make tea. Instead, she directed Zelda to sit down in one chair, as she sat across from her, setting the clothes carefully to the side of the table. “I’m going to ask you a question, and I need you to answer me honestly.”

Zelda looked up at her feeling a curtain of red hair cover half of face. Jaw clenching, she nodded.

“Are you using these sessions as a way to punish yourself?”

“As opposed to what?” Zelda inquired. “Aren’t these sessions meant for punishment?”

“Let me re-phrase the question then,” Lilith said, unimpressed by her response. “Are you using me as a proxy to self-harm?”

Zelda stared at her. Perhaps once upon a time, long ago, she’d been partial to such a thing, but that had been years and years ago. So far ago now that she could barely recall. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, but the venom wasn’t in her voice, and Zelda found herself looking away, feeling the words claw at her.

Lilith’s hands reached out, covering her own and Zelda looked up, swallowing a painful lump in her throat. “You need to be upfront with me about this.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head, and then “Not at first…”

“But today?”

“Today I…” she didn’t know how to admit it, that a part of her had sunk into the scene, needed to feel the hits hurt and sting, past her limits. Well past her limits. She should have stopped at the twelfth hit.

Zelda drew her hands away from Lilith, pulling them into her lap. She bit her tongue, trying to shove the rising emotions back down her throat.

Lilith sighed before her, her own hands dropping away. “This is as much my fault. I should have checked in with you sooner. But I can not and will not be that proxy for you. We can engage in sex, and we can engage in BDSM if it’s truly a sexual exploration or kink that you enjoy, but I will not hit you just because you want to scratch at your trauma.”

“Trauma?” Zelda yelped. “This is not an ill-attempt to hurt me for the sake of trauma.”

“Are you so sure? Because I think you came here because you wanted to feel something, and instead of hurting yourself or using drugs, you came to me.” Her head tilted at her, and Zelda felt as if she was cutting through every barrier Zelda had. “You’re drowning, and I will not participate in that destruction.”

Zelda scoffed, looking away. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“No, but I know people like you. Burying themselves in work and family obligations, burning themselves out until they can’t feel anything, getting off on a well-placed pat on the head. You don’t need a dominatrix. You need a therapist.” She stood up then, and Zelda watched as she went into one of the many cupboards, pulling out a card before she came over and handed it to her.

Zelda looked at the card. It was white and blue, simple, with a little embossed ocean wave in the corner. “You’re giving me the card of a therapist.”

Lilith nodded. “Get help before you destroy yourself. Believe me, I’ve been down this path, and you won’t find salvation at the end of it. You’ll just sink further and further until you’re letting men do things to you that you’d previously never allow.”

Zelda took the card, her expression tightening. “It wasn’t just about that.”

Lilith’s face softened as she sat back down. “I enjoy engaging in your services, Zelda. But I also have a duty of care to you and myself.”

Zelda bit her tongue, pulling her hands away. She didn’t like the way the woman was looking at her. She didn’t like how she’d peeled back her skin and peered underneath, seeming to touch at the core of Zelda that she, herself didn’t want to acknowledge.

How dare she? She didn’t come here to seek counselling services. She asked for a simple transaction of labour, and now that was being refused.

“Well,” she clipped. “I suppose a thank you is in order.” She rose to her feet, suddenly feeling far more naked than she liked as she snatched at the clothes on the table and began pulling them on. “And, I suppose that’s the end of it, then?” she inquired.

“You don’t have to pay for this session. And don't leave, you should––”

“No, I insist. We engaged in services, and you were apart of them,” Zelda said, hearing the coldness in her voice. “It’s only fair that I pay you what services were rendered. Don't bother about anything else, I hardly need any alleged aftercare since, apparently, I'm only engaging in this as some sick attempt to hurt myself.”

Lilith’s face drew tight, her lips pressing shut as she seemed to bite back a comment. Zelda thought about pushing at it, prodding at the words beneath the surface, but knew it wasn’t worth burning any more fuel onto whatever fire had grown inside of her.

Instead, Zelda zipped up her dress as Lilith took out her receipt book, signing the paper over.  Zelda reached into her handbag and pulled out her wallet, handed the cash over.

That was the end of that, she thought, fixing her hair. Like Hell, she would attend a therapist. She’d sooner return to attending confession at the local catholic church.

#zelda spellman #lilith #zelith #madam spellman #caos fanfic

[interludesugas]

hey. you know those youtubers that react specifically to nerdy things like star wars and marvel stuff, etc.? some of them are really enjoyable because they make commentaries that make you go "oh? why didn't i think of that" or even like "i disagree but i get why they might think that in the moment". all of these are great.

some of these reactors split their reactions into 2 parts, and for different reasons. some post the parts on different channels, or because they want to clock in more reaction time.

i noticed that for the mandalorian season 2 finale (chapter 16), the reactors who did eventually upload 2 parts received an interesting number of views on each video. just take a look here:

these 2 are one of my favourites because (1) they're adorable and (2) the way they get excited is so infectious.

but take a look at the difference in views.

here is another example:

the reel rejects have been around a little longer and are thus more well-known, hence the much higher viewing count. they are cool dudes who have great chemistry and are all for getting into the depths of pop culture. if you look closely though, the same pattern can be seen for their videos as in the previous case.

what is this obvious pattern? the part 2s have significantly higher views.

as someone who did not love the finale, i could only guess that it was the luke cameo that racked up those views (i was totally okay with it but the execution... um that's for another time). hell, look at the thumbnails. when i got to the comments, my suspicions were confirmed. interestingly, they were from different angles. one would go "they redeemed luke". another would go "he was the jedi that made the most sense". they are in fact two different feelings (not mutually exclusive; nevertheless different). it got me to wonder about whether the perspectives i have been reading of those who loved the finale are similar at all. of course it can't all be identical, but luke’s appearance has been the dominant factor from almost every video reaction, tweet and text post. i am certain others have personal and deep cut reasons, or totally unrelated ones. 

through my observation and hours of scrolling through the inter-webs for the past few days since the finale aired, the people on here and other platforms who weren't satisfied with it have one common reason for it: the gap in the emotional logic, and hence a lack of emotional payoff. sure, i might be generalising — but we are in the minority who disliked the finale. like... a seriously small number of us compared to the almost 90+% who loved it. so i would argue that my “generalisation” is quite justified, and not harmful to make.

i am genuinely curious about those who did in fact enjoy the finale:

(1) what is ONE standout from the episode if you had to pick? it can be ANYTHING (e.g. character arcs, references)

(2) have you seen another person who enjoyed the finale, but for a different reason that you did not agree with?

please go ahead and sound off in the notes!

[!] i want to highlight that this is not meant to belittle those who liked the finale. i 100% respect your opinions and your thoughts, which is why my questions never pertain to "why did you not NOT like the episode". i am just an odd and invisible sociology student who gets fascinated by almost trivial phenomena like this. i also apologise for any unclear syntax. it is one of my weaknesses as an academic. working on it everyday!

#aisha says words #the mandalorian #my sociology geek side jumped out while scrolling through social media and reading reviews #i have a hypothesis but its really not that deep #din djarin #grogu djarin #baby yoda #star wars #sw