#it is. the amatonormativity

[dullahandyke]

and like sidenote if i can make a post with a target audience of zero. i feel like fhsy was to d20 what aa3 was to ace attorney but aa3 pulled it off better for reasons i cannot explain

#it is. the amatonormativity #^ guy who was REALLY pissed about the sandra lynn stuff #like yknow that bit in the first ep where brennan is like 'oh this drama is going down' and so like the pcs investigate it #probs bcos they think itll like kick off their new quest #and then it turns out to be like. petty romantic drama. #thats kind of a microcosm of the entire season for me #not to say there werent parts i liked (looks at the picture of baron i printed out and hung on my wall) #(and most of the leviathan stuff was brilliant and ayda is a role model for me) #but its all so tied up in the rest of that shit that i dont rlly wanna rewatch it the way ive rewatched fy 6+ times #likening this to aa3 bcos of the rlly noticeable uptick in romantic content in it compared to the rest of the trilogy #like prior to that all that rlly comes to mind is like. 2-3 and pearl's shipping shenanigans and larry existing #but in aa3 both mia and phoenix have past lovers who play big parts #theres a married couple theres tigre and viola (who sidenote i ENTIRELY missed as romantic my first playthru. i am dense) #there's the business with fawles #like it felt like romance played a large part in every case in aa3 #where even when it came up in 1 + 2 it was usually ancillary (2-3 excepted but like. ppl regard that case as a fluke in most regards) #you COULD argue that maggey and adrian also inject some romantic presence in the story #but idk it just doesnt feel as central or prevalent as in aa3 #like i saw a post abt adrian and celeste being cousins in the aa anime being not just the sailor moon 'best cousins' thing #but like. reinforcing the themes of familiar devotion as aa2's core. and that was rlly foundational to my understanding of the game #even tho its a change that comes from an adaptation #whereas you Couldnt make that change in aa3 without it changing A Lot of shit #where was i going with this. shrug. #the zelda and tracker relationship drama was entirely manufactured as punishing the pcs for not centering npcs #whose relationship issues were ancillary to the overarching plot they were focused on and which hadnt rlly been brought up beforehand #'why didnt gorgug call zelda :/' do u want zac to pause the kalina mystery to roleplay good relationship communication with the dm?? #like its one thing looking at sy as a narrative but looking at it as a ttrpg campaign with limited time and a need to split character focus #i dont see what it did for the story besides give gorgug something to angst abt. didnt rlly feel like there was character growth or an arc #sigh. MANDATORY DISCLAIMER its been at least a year since i watched sy and longer before that since ive played aa3 #but at the time my feelings were strong and have only calcified. romance as a theme in something not generally abt romance

[killingmyselfbutnotdying]

"Friends dont look at friends that way" COWARD. I look at my friends with awe in my eyes, my chest is filled with love, im glowing because i get to be near my friends. I look at my friends and i would give them my everything. SO SKILL ISSUE, look at your friends with all the love that you have

#i hate this phrase with burning passion #platonic love #platonic #platonic relationships #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #amatonormativity my beloathed #there are multiple songs i dont listen to bc they have this phrase in it

[daybringersol]

fun fact (not fun at all fact actually) :

aromanticism and asexuality are still treated as issues to be fixed in most therapy settings, at least in the western psychiatric institution. i cannot fucking mention my aromanticism or asexuality to a therapist or it’ll immediately become their primary concern and goal to fix. whether or not i have a partner/am trying to have a partner is actively being used as an indicator of my wellness, regardless of if i WANT one. i cannot have access to needed mental health ressources because of fear of conversion therapy. aro and/or ace conversion therapy is the norm in most psychiatric institutions and we are getting told by the rest of the queer community that our oppression isnt real and that there is no link between our struggles and theirs.

more thoughts on the medicalization of asexuality and/or aromanticism

answers to common notes

aplatonic perspective

ressources

background information

tips to avoid aro and/or ace conversion therapy

#aromance #arospec #aroace #aro pride #aromantism #amatonormativity #aromantic #asexual #asexuality

[descendant-of-truth]

Shipping is fun and all but I swear every single time someone makes a comment, whether as a joke or in a legitimate analysis, about there being "no other explanation" for a pair's interactions, I lose just a bit more of my sanity

Like, no, you guys don't get it. Romance is not about the Amount of devotion, it's about the COLOR. the FLAVOR of it all. a character can be just as devoted to their platonic friend as they are to their romantic partner, and they don't love either of them more, just differently.

But because the majority of people still have it stuck in their minds that romance exists on the highest tier of love, I'm stuck seeing endless takes that boil down to "these two care about each other too much for it to NOT be romantic" as if that's the core determining factor to how literally any of this works

In conclusion: stop telling me that I don't understand the story if I don't interpret the leads as romantic, I am TIRED

#analysis #meta #miscellaneous #fandom #shipping #media discussion #amatonormativity #lgbtq #I feel like tagging any of the fandoms I was thinking of when writing this would be a little mean-spirited potentially #Disclaimer: no one has actually been telling me personally that I don't understand any story in particular #It's just that the way people tend to phrase their analyses feels unnecessarily targeted at the reader and that's just. not great #even if I agree with every other point they make

[yardsards]

i hate you "pair the spares"/"everyone must be paired" tropes, i hate you forced last minute romances, i hate you implication that a happy ending means a romantic partner, i hate you amatonormativity

#eliot posts #aromantic #aroace #amatonormativity #biting biting biting biting

[redysetdare]

You can help an aroace this Valentine's day for the low low price of 1 billion dollars sent to me.

#text #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aroace #pls give me money as compensation for the bs i will experience this holiday #100 dollars added for every amatonormative thing that happens on valentines day

[abookwasallittooktomakemeacrook]

"and historians said they were bestest of friends" they were. they were both aro/ace and in a qpr

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aroallo #alloace #queerplatonic #qpr #tired of the amatonormatively #gonna queer all the relationships #queer

[amalgamezz]

#aromantic #actually aromantic #relationship anarchy #amatonormativity #humour #1k #as this gets more reblogs i now start to realise how much more widespread this issue is than i previously thought fjdhhfj lmfaooo #merry 6666 on 12/25 <2

[antikosm]

Aro/Ace Terms Masterlist

Please let me know if I forgot anything

NOTE: There is a distinct difference between someone's personal orientation versus how they feel about sexuality/romanticism as a whole. Someone who's sex/romance repulsed may be in favour of open sexual/romantic expression or even vice versa (shoutout to @sowearecleariamhere for informing me of this!)

Types of attraction

Sexual - I wanna have sex with that

Romantic - I want to date that

Sensual - I want to hug that

Platonic - I want to be friends with that

Platonic crushes do exist. They are called “squishes”. You go through the same process of having a romantic or sexual crush but instead of landing them in bed, you’re on the floor at 2am with pizza rolls, Shrek in the background, talking about eldritch monstrosities (or whatever your shared interest is)

Aesthetic - that looks so heckin’ cool/pretty I love it

Intellectual - the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, i.e. having a conversation, picking their brain, and finding out how they think

Terms describing degree of attraction

Aromantic - lack of romantic attraction

Asexual - lack of sexual attraction

Aplatonic - lack of platonic attraction

Aroace - lack of both sexual and romantic attraction

Demi - attraction only forms once a strong emotional bond has been formed

Grey/gray - rarely/seldom experiences attraction

Allosexual - someone who experiences sexual attraction

I think I’ve also heard/seen it referred to as ‘arosexual’ but that’s honestly a bit confusing

Alloromantic - someone who experiences romantic attraction

I personally shorten both of those to “allo” (pronounced ‘aloe’)

Apothiosexual - sex-repulsed

Apothioromantic - romance-repulsed

Apothiaroace - often shortened to just ‘apothi’. In addition to being aroace, apothis are repulsed by romantic/sexual scenes, items, displays, etc. to varying degrees

Sex-neutral and sex-positive/favourable aces exist as well

Not all of us have the same level of comfort with sexual and romantic activities so please check. I mean that applies to everyone anyway, but please check and don’t assume that just because someone is aro/ace, that doesn’t mean they are sex/romance repulsed

Queerplatonic - Queerplatonic typically refers to a relationship that bends the lines between a romantic relationship and a non-romantic relationship. A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) often goes beyond what is socially acceptable for a platonic relationship but does not fit the typical notion of a romantic relationship.

Alterous attraction - a type of emotional attraction to someone that isn’t entirely romantic or platonic.

Chastity - actively refraining from sexual activities. This is NOT part of the ace/aro spectrum, though it is a common assumption when someone says they are ace/aro. Thankfully we’re getting a bit more representation in media now so it’s not as common of an assumption as it used to be, but it’s still there, especially in those communities.

An absolute FANTASTIC addition by @heyftinally in case anyone doesn't see the repost

Gonna expand on sex favorable/neutral/repulsed, since this is a masterlist after all: - Sex favorable - regardless of your sexual orientation, you personally want to engage in sexual activity with someone (significant other, one night stand, friends with benefits, etc) - Sex neutral - if you're with someone who wants to engage in sexual activities then you may or may not, depending on a variety of factors, but you have no strong inclinations for or against engaging in sex itself as an activity. Basically it's "alright" Sex repulsed/averse - the idea of personally engaging in sexual activities makes you want to hurl/cry/claw your skin off/spontaneously combust. If someone suggested doing sexual activities together, you would probably vehemently say "No!" before they even finished the question. You would rather do anything else - Sex positive - refers to your attitudes about sex in general. Regardless of where you fall in the above three terms, you recognize that other people want to, and should have the freedom and right to, engage in consensual sexual activities, even if you personally don't like or want those activities. Essentially shorthand for "I respect the right of other adults to have gay sex, have gender-weird sex, have sex with multiple people in and out of monogamous relationships/marriages, and have weird, wild, freaky kinky sex, so long as all participants and consenting adults". You can still personally want zero sex for yourself or think a particular kink is weird/ick, but you can, in tumblr speak, be normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult stuff - Sex negative - conservative purity culture, basically. You think nobody should have sex ever, or at least not until marriage, and when they do it should only be the "right" or "good" kind, as arbitrarily decided by you/society/some collective. You think badly of, look down on, and may even treat badly anyone who doesn't have the "right" kind of sex in your opinion. You are not normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult activities (even though they don't involve you in any way)

A wonderful addition from @overlord-of-chaos Sex aversion is not the same thing as sex repulsed.

If you are sex adverse, you personally have no desire to partake in any of those actions but seeing or knowing other people partake in that doesn't bother you.

Sex repulsion is when you can't stand doing it yourself, seeing/hearing about/knowing that others partake in it, or even just the idea of it.

Microlabels/Terms describing flavour of attraction

Note: -sexual is used for many of these so we don't have to deal with duplicates confusing things. All of these prefixes can be used with -romantic, -sexual, -platonic, and I imagine -alterous as well

Abrosexual - orientation fluctuates between a variety of orientations

Aceflux - similar to abrosexual, but orientation is contained to asexual spectrum

Acespike - someone who is asexual but may experience intense, brief, and random bouts of sexual attraction

Aegosexual - disconnect between oneself and the target of arousal

Amicusromantic/sexual - only experiences romantic attraction to those who they have formed a platonic relationship with (subset of demi)

Angled aroace - the same as oriented, but for those who are demi, grey, flux, etc.

Anthrosexual - someone who is attracted to humans and alterhumans regardless of gender identity/expression

Bellussexual - has interest in the aesthetic/aspects/certain sexual actions, but does not experience sexual attraction or want a sexual relationship

Caedsexual - previously allo, but now ace due to past trauma

Cupiosexual - wanting a sexual relationship but not experiencing sexual attraction

Finsexual/gynesexual - attraction to femininity

Fraysexual - opposite of demi. Attraction dissipates once an emotional connection has been formed

Linsexual - attraction to androgyny

Lithosexual - experiencing sexual attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated

Loveless Romantic/Lovelessromantic - those who cannot feel love or feel disconnected from love but can feel romantic attraction/don't feel disconnected from the concept of romance

Minsexual/androsexual - attraction to masculinity

Orchid - the opposite of cupio; experiences ____ attraction but has no desire for a relationship of that type

Placiosexual - not wanting to be on the receiving end of sexual activities but wishing to perform them on others

Quiosexual - unable to distinguish between sexual attraction and other forms of attraction

Qui(r)oromantic - inability to distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction

Reciprosexual - not experiencing sexual attraction towards someone until you discover they experience sexual attraction towards you

Requiessexual - similar to caedsexual, but rather than trauma, ace identity originates from a state of emotional exhaustion, usually from a past sexual experience

Oriented aroace -  an aromantic asexual (aroace) individual who experiences a form of tertiary attraction, that they feel is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. (i.e. gay aroace, bi aroace)

Angled aroace - someone who is on the aroace spectrum (grey, demi, fray, etc) who experiences a type of attraction significant enough to stand alongside their aroace orientation

Examples of mixed orientations

Heteroromantic asexual biplatonic

Poly greyromantic pansexual

Apothi abroplatonic

Placiosexual aromantic finplatonic

Aroace cupioplatonic

Pan lithioromantic

Fraysexual biromantic aplatonic

You can get WAY more specific than what these cover, but just to give a general idea

Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity is the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance, especially by means of a monogamous long-term relationship. The term was coined by Elizabeth Brake, in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law (2011).

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #microlabels #apothi #litho #cupio #demi #recipro #aego #autochorissexual #greyromantic #greysexual #platonic intimacy #platonic crush #squish #alterous attraction #amatonormativity #anthrosexual #ace spectrum #aro spectrum #acespec #arospec

[greenteaandtattoos]

i love that aromantic and asexual are trending because of the surge of positivity thanks to that stupid aphobic poll. we're going into 2024 with the blatant proof that aspec individuals are here, we're queer, and we're not going to disappear.

#lgbtqia #queer #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #fuck amatonormativity

[loveless-arobee]

It's always "aros can still date!" "aros can still be in (any type of non-romantic or romantic) relationships!" "aros aren't heartless!" "aros can still love in different ways!"

Well, sure, you do you.

But not all of us. A lot of us are *completely* non-partnering. There's loveless aros. Aplatonic aros. Hell, even heartless is a label some aros use!

We don’t need to do anything to "replace" the romantic relationships we don’t have. People can be completely happy alone! Without a partner! (Shocking, I know!)

I'm just a bit tired of all the amatonormativity I still see under some of the trending aro-positivity posts...

#aromantic #loveless #queer #amatonormativity #heartless

[abhainn35]

I was going through my health textbook and someone wrote "fuck that" under the lines about ending friendships because dating is more important and if that is not the most aromantic/aroace thing ever, I don't know what is.

#asexual #aromantic #aroace #aromantic positivity #asexual positivity #asexual pride #lqbtq #lqbtq pride #aspec #arospec #aromantic asexual #amanormativity #aromantic pride #fuck amatonormativity

[aroacemisha]

My brain gave me this image.

#misha's edits #aspec posting #amatonormativity #relationship anarchy #aromantic #aro

[algolithium]

hey it's feb 14. Love is in the air. So I turned some of the aspec flags into plague doctors.

because is love in the air? No. Miasma.

here's my tribute to the aspec community, to make this day a bit bearable, I guess. :))

#Aromantic asexual #Aroace #Aromantic #Asexual #alloaro #alloace #Aro #Ace #arospec #Acespec #Aspec #aro pride #ace pride #aromanticism #fuck amatonormativity #plague doctor #plaguecore #plague doctor mask #algolithium #digital art #art #drawing #Algol-zeroedge

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍 #hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well. #obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it. #realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway. #so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct! #and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want... #best case scenario. is what i'm saying. #every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day. #fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :) #aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself. #FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

[uncanny-tranny]

Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

#amatonormativity #ask to tag (genuine) #i honestly *wish* conversations like this were things i was exposed to when i was younger... #...maybe then i'd've felt less of a need to surpress my aromanticism and asexuality... #...the feeling of brokenness still trails behind me sometimes because so many of us are taught that this all WILL happen... #...we WILL fall in love. we WILL have a nuclear family. we WILL be satisfied with this... #...and that this is the IDEAL for cishet patriarchal structures... #...and that /any/ deviation to the SLIGHTEST degree is that fault of the *individual*. who WOULDN'T want this life? #there's this idea like i said that maturity is gained as you almost... adhere to expectations... #...and that's genuinely dangerous to associate maturity with that and i hope you can fill in those gaps because it can get dark fast