#it isn't something i would ever try to write about personally though... i am very cautious when it comes to depictions of grief | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 11 months

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so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

#writeblr #the book....#coming soon #hey so if ur someone who has ever said “you need to write a book”#i wrote the book #it's ... probably the best thing ive ever written #this is maybe too honest lol #okay to reblog thank you for asking i love u i am in love with u our wedding will be in may

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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 2 months

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omg this just popped into my head and i desperately need it like i literally will not be able to stop thinking about it about it till it is written but, ethan landry x reader fic based on gods and monsters by lana del rey oml like it would be phenomenal… i don’t want it to incorporate the lyrics i just want it based on the idea of the song? but not about them being actual gods and monsters like to her ethan is a god. especially the lyrics “this is heaven, what i truly want. it’s innocence lost.”. basically reader is super innocent and ethan sees her as an angel and feels the need to ruin her and she sees him as a god and is obsessed with him. super smutty and him praising her and talking her through it. i know this was a lot but i am obsessed with your writing and i think if you wrote this it would be amazing, but only if you’re comfortable 🫶☺️

HI! I hope this was what you wanted. 💕

Gods & Monsters - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: You're obsessed with Ethan and he's obsessed with you, but he'd dying to destroy your innocence.

Contains: Fluff-ish moments, Smut - Oral(m and f receiving), fingering, p in v, riding, rough-ish sex. Reader isn't a virgin but doesn't have a lot of experience.

A/N: This was one of the fics I lost the other day, and I'm so sad because I liked what I'd already written before. BUT I was determined to get this done lmao

You didn’t expect to fall so hard for Ethan Landry. What started as a small crush on one of your friends led to full-blown infatuation. Once you found yourself hanging off every word that slipped past his perfect lips, always making sure you were beside him whenever you’d go out with your friends, and even letting your grades slip a little just so you’d have the excuse to be alone with him to study, you realized how fucked you were. You didn’t care, though, because he’s everything you wanted.

He was tall, and very attractive. But what really sucked you in was the way he lit up whenever he talked to you about the things he was passionate about. The way his voice sounded first thing in the morning when you’d all spent the night at Tara’s. The way he ignored any other girls that looked in his direction, at least when he was with you.

Ethan was just as caught up in you as you were with him. The first night you walked into Tara’s, he could’ve sworn you were literally glowing. He thought you were the most gorgeous girl he’d ever seen, and once he talked to you and realized how sweet you were, he knew he had to make you his. He found himself daydreaming about taking you on dates, holding your hand, kissing you. But sometimes, his thoughts weren’t so innocent.

He knew you weren’t a virgin, but after a drunken game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ turned sexual, he learned that there were a lot of things you hadn’t done. He wanted to be the first, and hopefully only person you’d do those things with. He even went as far as wondering how you’d sound, the faces you’d make, how much of him you could take in your mouth before it was too much. He felt a little guilty from time to time for thinking about you in that way, because you were just so sweet. But the desire to destroy your innocence just kept getting stronger, no matter how hard he’d try to push those thoughts about you to the side.

The two of you shamelessly flirted with each other, so much that the rest of your friends thought there was something more going on than there was. It wasn’t uncommon for Ethan to pull you into his lap whenever there wasn’t an empty seat available beside him, or for the two of you to be so caught up in your own conversations that you’d forget your friends were even there. He wanted to take things to the next level, but he’d always get nervous and shut down whenever he got close to kissing you.

You lived down the hall from Tara, which made it so convenient for you and Ethan’s study sessions. Whenever you had plans with your friends, Ethan would come to your apartment to study with you before. With exams coming up, Ethan couldn’t stop thinking about how he needed to get over his nerves and finally make a move. He knew he’d still get to see you, but he wouldn’t have the excuse to spend alone time with you.

As Ethan sat on your bed, his fingers moving against his keyboard, you started to get bored. He kept peaking over his laptop screen to see you stretched out on your stomach at the foot of your bed, scrolling through your phone.

“That’s not homework,” he said, playfully scolding you as you sat up to look at him.

“If I have to keep looking at anything school related, I’m going to go crazy.”

“We still have over an hour before we have to go to Tara’s. What would you like to do?” He asked, closing his computer to give you his attention.

“We could watch a funny movie. I need to laugh,” you suggested, as he shook his head.

“We don’t have enough time for that…but,” he said, sitting his laptop on the bed beside him. “I know how to make you laugh.”

He smirked as he crawled closer to you. You knew what was coming, the slight look of panic in your eyes making him chuckle before his fingers dug into your sides.

“Ethan,” you whined, trying to grab at his hands to pull them off you. You were starting to tear up from laughing, and your breathing was getting heavier. “Stop it! You’re going to make me fall off the bed!”

“I’d never let that happen,” he said, his fingers not letting up.

“Seriously, Ethan!” You were starting to wheeze from laughing so hard, so he finally pulled his hands away. You placed one of your hands on your chest as you tried to take deep breaths, as Ethan settled back into the spot he was in before on your bed. “That was so mean.”

“I think it’s funny that you’ve never tried to get me back,” he said, a smug look on his face. “Is it because I’m stronger than you?”

“Knowing you, you’d have me pinned to the bed so I wouldn’t be able to move while you tickled me.”

Ethan got a little caught up in the idea of that. He wanted to have you pinned to the bed, but not to tickle you. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice you were moving closer to him, the only thing bringing him back into the moment was when your fingertips started to move against his sides.

“Hey!” he said through his laughter as he grabbed at your hands. You weren’t going to give up easily, so you moved to straddle him, pulling your hands away every time he reached for them. “Please, you gotta stop!”

“No,” you said, your hands moving further up his ribs, making him laugh even harder. He knew it wasn’t meant to be sexual, but the way your ass was rubbing against him as you moved was making him hard.

“Stop!” he yelled, finally grabbing your hands. Your face dropped as you looked at him, and he immediately felt guilty for yelling at you like that. “I’m sorry…you’re just,” he said, letting out a gasp once you started to move off him, your eyes going wide once you felt how hard he was underneath you. “That. You’re making me hard.”

“Oh,” you softly said, staring at the bulge in his jeans. “Is it a bad thing that I did?”

“No…I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he sighed, before he sat up. “Does it make you uncomfortable that you do that to me?”

He watched your cheeks turn pink at his question. This wasn’t how he planned on making his move, but the door was wide open for him to have the conversation.

“No,” you said, “have I made you hard before?”

“I get hard just thinking about you,” he confessed, the sexual tension in the room getting stronger as each second passed.

You were starting to get nervous as you sat there. You didn’t have the most experience in the world, your previous sexual encounters with your ex mainly consisted of you just laying there and waiting until he was done, so you didn’t know how to give a blow job. But you wanted to learn. You wanted Ethan to teach you.

“Can I…suck it?” you asked, his eyes growing wide. “Sorry, stupid question.”

“No, it’s not stupid…do you want me to tell you how to do it?” he asked, as you smiled and nodded. “Okay, uh, I’ll just get these off.”

He slid off the side of your bed and unbuttoned his jeans before shimmying them down his legs. You gawked as you saw the tent in his boxers, wondering if you were in over your head for even thinking you could do this.

“I hate to ask this…” no he didn’t. “But would you want to get on the floor? It’d be easier for you.” You nodded as you slid off the side of the bed and stood in front of him. “Wait,” he said, once you started to drop to your knees. You stood back up to face him, as he leaned in to kiss you. You needily kissed him back, your hands on his cheeks as he started to rub your hips. Once you pulled back, he smiled at you. “You don’t feel like you have to do this, right?”

“No, I want to do this,” you said, looking at him as you sank onto the floor.

“Fuck…eye contact like that is good,” he said, running his fingers through your hair. “I guess I’ll just slide these down.”

His fingers hooked under the waistband of his boxers as he slid them down his thighs, his cock springing free right in front of your face. He let out a sweet laugh once he noticed how wide your eyes got.

“Do I just put it in my mouth?” you asked, as he groaned at how innocent you were.

“Let’s start with just touching it,” he suggested, as you nodded and reached your hand up. “Wrap your hand around it…just like that, baby,” he said, taking a deep breath as he tried to contain himself. “Now move your hand back and forth, but not too fast.”

You did as he said, your eyes glancing between his and his cock. You weren’t sure if you were good at what you were doing, but he was breathing heavier the longer you did it.

“Do you want to try to put it in your mouth?” he asked, as you nodded and leaned forward. “How about you just do what you think is right and I’ll tell you if it’s bad or good?”

“Okay,” you shyly said, hoping that you would get it right.

Ethan’s biggest fantasy was coming to fruition. His head was spinning as you took the head of his cock in your mouth, your hand still stroking him. Even though you weren’t a virgin, he still felt like he was devirginizing you, at least in this way.

“That’s perfect,” he said, his eyes looking into yours as you sucked on his sensitive tip. “Try to take a little more.”

You did as he said, easing a little more of him into your mouth. His hand tangled in your hair, his grip loose. The last thing he wanted was to push you too far and make you want to stop when you’d just started. He was about to ask you for more, when you boldly took as much of him as you could in your mouth, to the point that you were gagging around him. You quickly pulled your head back, refusing to make eye contact like you’d just done something wrong.

“Hey,” Ethan said, his hand that was in your hair moved to your chin. He tilted your head so you’d look at him, your eyes already watery from the gagging. “If you want to keep going, there’s a little tip that helps with that.”

He showed you the thumb trick, and talked to you about bobbing your head too, along with moving your hand. Once you felt like you had a better understanding of what you needed to do, you leaned forward, taking just as much of him in your mouth as you did before.

You were still gagging a little, but not as bad as you did the first time. Your mouth kept getting more and more wet, the feeling making Ethan groan. His hand snaked back in your hair as he fought the urge to thrust in your mouth.

“You’re doing such a good job,” he praised, “Twist your hand a little…oh fuck.”

You were catching on quickly, and Ethan was so proud of you. Your eyes stayed on his, even when tears started to slip past your lower lash line. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, his grip on your hair tightening.

“Can I try something?” he asked, his eyes pleading with yours. You hummed around him to let him know he could, because the last thing you wanted to do was pull him out of your mouth.

He started to thrust past your lips as you gagged around him, your free hand gripping your thumb as hard as you could. Big, fat teardrops were flowing down your cheeks, but you were loving it. His eyes were fluttering as his jaw dropped open, but he still stayed focused on you, not wanting any of this to be too much.

“I’m gonna cum,” he said, his voice a little raspy from his panting. “Can I cum in your mouth?”

You hummed around him again to respond, the vibrations around his cock sending him over the edge as his hand tensed up in your hair, tugging on it harder than he wanted to. You just kept moaning around him, so turned on as his salty cum coated your tastebuds. He gave a few more weak thrusts as his hand in your hair relaxed before he slowly slid out of your mouth.

“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching down to take your hand. He helped you to your feet before wiping the tears off your cheeks.

“Yeah, I liked that,” you said, your voice raw from all the gagging. “Can we do it again?”

“We can do anything you want to,” he said, placing his hands on your hips to hold you close. “But right now, can I eat you out?”

“Oh, Um,” you mumbled, your cheeks getting rosy at the idea. “You want to do that?”

“I’m not your ex,” he said, smirking at you. “I bet he never made you cum.”

“He didn’t,” you sighed, as Ethan backed you towards the bed.

“I will,” he said, as he started to lift your shirt.

Ethan got you out of your jeans and shirt, leaving you in just your bra and panties. He hovered over you, his mouth moving against your neck as his hand roamed your body. You were squirming as you tried to patient, but it was getting harder for you, especially when his hand reached in between your thighs and rubbed you over your panties.

“So wet,” he mumbled against your neck, his breath giving you goosebumps. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

He pulled his hand away as he sat up, grabbing your hands for you to sit up, too. His hands reached around you to unhook your bra, his mouth not leaving your neck as he slid the straps down your arms and threw it to the other side of the room.

“We have to go to Tara’s soon,” you reminded him, as he pulled away and started to laugh.

“We’re probably going to be late.”

He leaned down, taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You started to whimper as he sucked, pulling off it with a soft pop before he moved to the other side.

Once his lips trailed further down your body, you were trying so hard to be in the moment, but your mind started to wander. You practically worshiped the ground Ethan walked on, and all he wanted in that moment was you, but you still didn’t know if this was going to anything more than a friends with benefits situation, or if he wanted to be with you like you wanted to be with him.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, pulling you from your thoughts as he started to kiss your inner thighs.

“Mmm, it’s nothing,” you moaned once he started to suck your flesh into his mouth.

He pulled away to look at you, “No, tell me.”

You sighed in frustration, both from him stopping and you really didn’t want to pour your heart out to him in that moment. But he just kept staring at you, waiting for you to say something.

“I’ve…fuck,” you sighed, taking a deep breath. “I want this…but I need to know how you feel about me.”

He smiled at you as your blush spread across your cheeks. “You haven’t realized that I’m in love with you yet?”

“In love with me?” you asked, as he slid your panties down your legs.

“Mhm, I’m fucking obsessed with you,” he said, before he buried his head between your thighs.

“Shit,” you gasped, as his tongue licked fat stripes from your entrance to your clit.

He started to focus on your clit, giving all the attention to your needy bundle of nerves. You looked down to see that he was watching you, taking in all the little faces you were making. He was alternating between swirling and lightly sucking, the stimulation making your entire body feel hot.

He slid one of his fingers inside of you, your legs feeling shaky as he moved it against the spot inside of you that you weren’t even sure existed. He watched you start to fall apart over just one finger, and once he added another one, you were a whimpering mess. He licked your clit a few more times before he pulled away to talk to you, his fingers still moving.

“You never told me how you feel about me,” he said, curving his fingers to apply more pressure.

“Unfff, fuck,” you whined, your hands tightly gripping the comforter underneath you.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll stop,” he playfully said, smirking as his fingers brought you closer to the edge.

Your brain was turning to mush, but you pulled yourself together for a second, not wanting him to stop. “I’m in love with you, too.”

He leaned back down to your clit, sucking on it a little harder than he had before. Your whines got louder as the euphoric feeling washed over you, his free hand holding down your bucking hips. It felt so good that your eyes started to water, your entire body tingling as he worked you through it.

Just as you came down from your high, you heard a knock coming from your front door. You were too fucked out from Ethan’s fingers to even care, as he started to laugh.

“I bet that’s Tara,” he said, as he laid down beside you. “We’re late.”

“Fuck,” you groaned, lazily sliding your naked body off the side of your bed, landing on your feet.

You grabbed your robe and put it on, your legs still wobbly as you made your way to the front door. You looked out the peephole to see Tara and Mindy.

“Hey,” Tara said once you opened the door, her smile dropping once she noticed you weren’t dressed. “Are you still coming over?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” you said, noticing both of them staring at something. “What?”

“Is Ethan here?” Mindy asked, a smirk playing on her lips as she realized what was going on.

“Yeah, we’ll both be over in a few,” you said, still not understanding what they were looking at.

“Okay…you might want to cover that up before you come over,” Mindy said, gesturing to your neck as Tara started to giggle.

You bit your bottom lip as the embarrassment hit, realizing that Ethan sucking on your neck earlier must’ve left a hickey.

“No, you know what? You guys finish whatever ‘studying’ you’re doing, then come over. We’re sorry for interrupting,” Tara said, fighting off her laughter as she and Mindy walked down the hall to her apartment.

You sighed as you closed the door, knowing that you and Ethan were definitely going to be grilled once you did go to Tara’s.

“Why didn’t you tell me you put this on my neck?” you said, glancing at it in the mirror after you walked back in your room.

“Are you embarrassed that they know you’re mine?” he questioned, walking up behind you. He rested his head against your shoulder, but your mind was in a haze once you felt his hard cock pressing against you.

“You know how long I’ve wanted to be yours? I’m definitely not embarrassed,” you said, making him laugh as he moved your hair to the side the place more kisses to your neck.

“Well, I did hear them say we should finish studying,” he said, as his hand reached over to untie your robe. “I’m not done studying you yet.”

“Fuck,” you gasped, when his hand started to massage one of your breasts, gently pinching at your nipple. Your back leaned against his chest as you relaxed into his touches, your breathing getting heavier as his hand trailed lower. “Can I be on top?”

“For a little bit, yeah,” he mumbled against you as his fingers rubbed across your still-soaked pussy. “Is that okay?”

“Mhm.”

You had so many things you wanted to do with Ethan, so many things you hadn’t experienced yet. Any nerves you had about your inexperience faded, your confidence showing as you got on top to straddle him.

“Take your time, I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, as you grabbed his cock that was resting against his lower stomach. You lined him up with your entrance and started to sink down on him. “So tight,” he groaned, as you tried to get used to the stretched-out feeling. He wasn’t all the way in and you already felt so full.

“Mmm,” you moaned once you’d taken all of him, your ass meeting the top of his thighs.

You took a minute, trying to adjust your legs to the most comfortable position as his hands ran up your sides. Once you started to bounce on him, his hands went to your hips to help you move. Your bottom lip went in between your teeth as you held eye contact with him. Once he started to thrust up into you, your hands went to your breasts, massaging them as he helped your hips meet his.

He loved having you on top, and he loved watching the way your tits bounced, but he needed to be in control. He needed to push your limits a little until you were falling apart underneath him. He held your hips in place a few seconds before he flipped you over, a squeal flying out of your mouth. He smirked down at you before he grabbed the back of your thighs, pushing them toward you with his hands.

“Stop me if anything hurts, okay?” he said, as you smiled and nodded. He slid back inside of you, his hands right below the back of your knees as he started to pound into you.

Your mouth fell open as he fucked you, every sound that built up in your throat flying out. He was so deep, but the tip of his cock hit your g-spot with every thrust.

“That feel good?” he asked, pushing your legs closer to you. You babbled in response, the new angle making him go even deeper. “Look at you, so cock drunk, so perfect.”

All you could do was whimper as you felt yourself getting close. You were fighting to keep your fluttering eyes open, because you didn’t want to miss a single second of watching him. The beautiful boy that you’d fallen so hard for had a thin layer of sweat on his forehead that his curls were starting to stick to, his bottom lip was in between his teeth. You felt so submissive as you just laid there and took it. You were okay with him using you in whatever way he wanted, because you’d do anything for him.

“You gonna cum, baby?” he asked, as he felt your walls start to flutter.

“Yes!” you cried out, your hands shakily gripping the comforter again as the wave crashed into you so hard your vision got fuzzy. You kept trying to talk as he fucked you through it, his teeth showing as he smiled at your babbles.

“I’m almost there, baby. Can you take it a little longer?” he asked as your eyes peeled open to look at him.

“Yes, it feels so good,” you moaned, as he sped up, chasing his orgasm.

Your body kept jolting like little aftershocks from the intensity of your own orgasm, and you were feeling a little overstimulated, but the last thing you wanted was for him to stop. He was going so fast and so deep as he panted, mumbling your name as his head started to roll back.

“Gonna…fuck. Cum,” he said, pulling his cock out and shooting his release all over your tummy. He caught his breath as he looked at you through his hooded eyes. You smiled at him as he moved to lay on the bed beside you.

“I think we need to shower,” you said, glancing down at his cum on you. “I don’t really have anything that has a manly scent, though.”

“That’s okay. I’ll get to smell like you,” he said, his fingertips brushing against your arm.

After your shower with Ethan, you concealed the giant purple mark on your neck and took the walk of shame over to Tara’s. Your friends got quiet as you walked in, glancing back and forth between you and Ethan.

“Sooo,” Chad said, noticing Ethan’s wet hair, “Did you two finally realize that you’re meant to be together?”

“Oh yeah,” Ethan said, as Chad walked over to dap him up.

“It’s about time. It was getting exhausting to watch the two of you,” Mindy said, as Tara nodded in agreement.

You, Ethan and Chad walked over to sit on the couch as Mindy pushed play on the movie she was waiting to start until you got there. After a few minutes, Chad looked over to Ethan.

“Dude, this is a little blunt, but you smell so good right now.”

You started to giggle as Ethan laughed and wrapped his arm around you, holding you close.

“He’s right, you do smell good.”

#ethan landry #scream smut #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry smut #smut

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luveline · 4 months

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Ahh I’m so obsessed with stripper!reader and Spencer!! Do you have any more thoughts about them you’d be willing to share, maybe just a snippet of their life together? So so in love with them and your writing in general

i got a different request for them that I lost about reader struggling to afford essentials and so I thought I’d combine them, I hope that’s ok!! <;3 fem, 1.1k

cw food insecurity/ poverty

You attempt to save money, but the ten dollars you don't spend on shampoo and conditioner gets used on painkillers. You hide fifty dollars in a book and try to forget about it, but your shoes split open on the walk to work, and it takes all afternoon to find it again. You try so hard to stretch your paycheck and something new makes it impossible.

So it's a cold night in late December and you spent all your money for food on the gas bill. Your stomach hurts, but at least your nose isn't that horrible stiff cold that distracts.

It's not just that your stomach hurts, though. You feel miserable about everything, and you know you need to ask someone for help. You've thought about selling something, but you already pawned your watch, and everything else is inconsequential.

I could sell my phone… but how would I talk to Spencer?

It's the stupidest thought you could've had. More importantly, how would you communicate with work? How would you call your electric and gas company, or talk to your landlord?

Spencer would be so sad if he knew you’d sold your phone to pay for food. He’d probably be upset knowing you considered it. And you won’t get paid for another three days, so unless you can somehow live off of olives and cherries from the club bar, you have to ask Spencer for money or get a loan. With your credit score, one situation is more likely than the other.

You bring your phone across the pillow and sigh before clicking on his contact. He’s practically the only number you call.

“Hello?” you ask.

“Hi, Y/N.”

“Hello, handsome,” you murmur, staging an affect of someone who couldn’t be more unbothered by the world.

“Yeah, hi. You okay?”

You don’t want to butter him up. It feels dishonest. You should be straight forward. “Spencer. You know I hate asking you for things.”

“Yes, it’s the only bad thing about you.” He sounds like he’s smiling. You can imagine him on his couch reading something obscure, or watching one of his sci-fi shows, curls in his eyes, grey pyjamas too short for him riding up his calves as they tend to do.

“But I need– um. I don’t have any money?” You don’t mean to phrase it like a question. “Like. Okay, so, I promise you I am not an irresponsible person, just, my gas bill went up and I didn’t know, but it’s so cold I paid it anyways, and now I have three dollars. Um. Total. And I haven’t eaten all day and I’m sorry I’m asking, but I just need like twenty dollars until I get paid on Tuesday. Could you let me borrow twenty dollars, please?”

“Do you want to get takeout?”

You cringe. “No, like, twenty dollars for groceries, Spence.”

“No, I understood. That’s fine, I’ll happily give you twenty dollars. But you said you haven’t eaten today? And I miss you, so it’s an excuse?” Now he’s the one making questions out of statements. “I can get us Thai food.”

Your stomach pangs at the thought. No matter how much you hate this, you know he loves you enough to want to bring you dinner, and you really will pay him back, so he might as well. “Yeah, please. I’d love to see you, Dr. Reid.”

“I’ll be quick,” he promises.

He isn’t. You wonder if he’s forgotten you and your rumbling stomach, curled into a c-shape under the sheets. It’s warm, at least, nearly too warm, the blade of your hunger threatening to drive you mad. It’s not a nice feeling, depending on the kindness of a friend to see you through, nor is it very pleasant to be this hungry. You’ve gone hungry a hundred times, and this is the only time you’ve ever had someone you trusted enough to turn to during that time to ask for help. What if Spencer’s decided he isn’t comfortable with your lending after all and he doesn’t come over tonight?

You’d been looking forward to seeing him again. It’s almost worse than the hunger.

Just as you’re thinking he’s decided he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, he lets himself in.

Your apartment is small, consisting of three rooms. The bedroom, the bathroom, and the living room kitchen combination. He lets himself into the living room with a cacophony of rustling and a called, “Hello!” followed soon by a muttered swear.

You laugh under your breath.

“Are you coming out here, or do you want to eat dinner in bed?” he asks.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

It’s quiet enough besides his arrival that you’ve no need to shout.

“Well, stay there if you want. Have you been drinking anything? I brought iced tea and some stuff for you to have breakfast tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” You force yourself to sit up. One moment you’re looking at the closed door and the next you’re squinting against the light of the kitchen, Spencer in the doorway like a silhouette against it. “Hey, Spence. You’re taller than last time.”

“I’m the same size as always.”

“You’re still wearing your shoes. That must be it.”

Spencer takes off his shoes and crosses the short distance to you. “Hi,” he says, taking your hand as he sits down. His fingers are freezing. “Sorry I took a while.”

“Sorry for asking you for money.”

“It’s okay. It’s not something to worry about. Everyone has to ask a favour sometime.”

His hair is wind blown, his eyes watery. The cold weather has nipped his pert nose a rosy pink and he’s smiling at you with chapped lips, unaware of or uncaring about his own circumstances in the face of yours. “You okay?” he asks, his pretty brown eyes narrowing, eyebrows pinching together at the starts. “You can’t just not eat all day and not tell me.”

You nod tightly. It’s humiliating to be in this position.

He softens. “Did they tell you the rate was rising? It’s illegal in Virginia–”

You take your hand from his. “They sent me a letter I didn’t open. I knew it would be bad news.”

Spencer looks down at your knees. “I know that you’re used to doing things by yourself, but you don’t have to anymore.”

“‘Cos you look after me,” you say quietly.

“I’m trying to.”

You laugh and jog your joined hands to make him look up. “Okay. Look after me some more then and give me a hug. I’m too warm, and you’re freezing.”

He hugs you tightly, quick to rub your shoulder blade with his thumb. “Stay here, okay? I’ll bring you a plate.”

You cling to him for a few seconds, until hunger wins, and you send him off into the kitchen again.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer and stripper!reader

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ghouljams · 4 months

Note

hi!! helloo!!! you're writing is simply AMAZING and i LOVE the way you headcannon the guys!!!

i just had a quick coupla thots and i wanted to share them so i hope this makes sense!!

the first thing i thought of when reading "a letter from your future husband" was johnnys reaction to a return letter

maybe it's too much wine and dancing after a party, maybe it's just too stiflingly hot watching other people in the castle, maybe it's a particularly scandalous letter and reader is just feeling impulsive, but when johnny gets his hands on that letter? by GOD he's drooling and tenting his pants and booking it to his chambers because he won't let anyone else in the castle look at your handwriting before he gets the chance to

when johnny finally sees your handwriting? he's hooked. when he actually READS it? he's FERAL. one of the first lines is something like "I am very thankful for the instructions in your letters, without them, I would have never known personal pleasure before we are officially wed" he nearly cums in his pants but is also SO UPSET that he didn't get to see your corruption in real time- he'd foam at the mouth the first time he sets his eyes on you

you can barely make out the writing in the letter he sends back, because he starts writing it the second he cums all over his hands after reading your letter to him

(ps- have a good day!!)

Soap getting a letter in return?? Oh my.... Well he'd certainly have trouble controlling himself with it.

It's truly unfortunate that he had to rush back home to Scotland without you, his poor bride sitting, wasting away without him in (ugh) England, but certain matters had arisen that needed his attention, his in-person attention. Nothing that would prevent him from writing you though. He's tugging his riding gloves off when the butler hands him a letter with your pretty red seal. Soap takes in a sharp breath through his nose. You only write him when you are truly mad, sending him the sorts of letters that make him sure it isn't anger that guides your hand. The sort of letters he'll punish you for when he sees you next.

He takes it to his room. Cracking the wax seal and palming himself through his trousers at the first glimpse of your neat loops. He hums to himself, bringing the letter to his nose, smelling your soft perfume with a smile. Christ he misses you, sweet thing that you are trying to scare him off. He knows you want nothing more than to melt for him.

"You are a wicked and horrible man," You tell him in your opening line and Soap thinks about digging his teeth into your neck, marking you where someone proper might see, "Never in my life has a man talked to me like you do. I don't even know if I can call you a man, an animal is more appropriate. You do nothing but attempt to lead me to ruin. God only knows the thoughts that you inspire in me, and he will surely condemn me for them.

'Don't call me 'wife' as if that absolves you of the sin you send me. Though I suppose I should thank you for one thing; now that I know I can pleasure myself I have no need for you. You're free to move on to your next plaything and have fun tormenting her. I will welcome the reprieve from your letters."

Soap smiles to himself, he can almost hear your pouting. As if he'd ever want anyone else. Poor thing, who told you you weren't enough for him? It certainly wasn't Soap. It's good knowing you're touching yourself to his letters. He pauses, smells the letter again, imagines he can smell the wetness on your fingers when you wrote it. Naughty thing, did you roll off the bed just to talk to him?

"How would you like receiving obscene letters? No love in them, no politeness or care. You hardly treat me like a woman set to be your wife. If you can't say you love me, why should I do the same? You only want to talk about sex, fine.

'It is unbearable to have you in my thoughts. I never know if I'm upset or pleased, but my skin grows hot and my shift sticks to me. I can't think of anything but your awful letters and your stupid smile and every other terrible part of you. I lay awake at night with my hand between my legs because you have encouraged, no, insisted on such debauchery. I am utterly ruined because of you and I know it must only bring you pleasure to hear that. So stroke your cock to whatever you like, only think of me while you do it.

Imagine me like I imagine you, think of my fingers and my mouth and [scribbled out] Why do your letters make me feel like this, why do they make my heart pound? What power do you have that makes me keep them? Why do I miss you when I despise you so? Why did you have to leave me, I'm sor

I wish I wasn't thinking of you."

Oh, his sweet lass. He kisses your signature, pulls his aching cock free of his pants and groans. He shouldn't have been so cruel to you, poor thing. Of course you're upset, he left you all alone and is teasing you so terribly. Fuck he loves how passionate you are, how your handwriting grows sloppy before you cross it out; loves the slight discoloration to the paper beside the edge of your text where the paper dried.

You are the object of all his desires and yet you write to him like he could have anyone else. He could. He wants you. Wants you in every way he can have you.

Soap strokes his cock and reaches for a pen.

"You think I don't imagine you in every way I could? Your fingers wrapped around my cock, your lips against my throat, your voice in my ear? Do I need to show you for you to believe me?"

He already knows. The next time he sees you, he'll take your hand and place it right where it should be.

"It's just you my bonnie wife, it's only ever been you."

#cod x reader #x reader #x oc #cod x oc #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #soap mactavish smut #soap mactavish x reader #soap call of duty #soap x reader #soap mw2 #soap cod #regency au #courting letters #sort of

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python333 · 5 months

Text

déjà vu — python333

— — — —

synopsis you and ghost are more similar than the two of you realized.

relationships platonic!ghost & gn!reader.

characters ghost.

word count 2.88k

warnings 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [call sign/code name], ghost's backstory [yes that is a warning within itself], kind of badly written.

note holy shitttttt i'm so sorry i haven't posted in two months. to everyone who is disappointed this isn't a req they submitted—i am very sorry but i have like. no motivation. please take this small fic as a peace offering after being silent for two months. also yes i said alej fic but i only had motivation to write for ghost LMAO

“So…” Ghost can hear Price next to him, creating an echo as he speaks through his earpiece, “Doesn’t it get hot, always wearing that mask?”

“Not when it’s made of the right materials,” Your voice crackles through, the wind blowing by slightly distorting your voice, “It’s also winter, captain, so no, it doesn’t get hot.”

The corners of Ghost’s lips twitch upwards when you answer, but he otherwise doesn’t say or do anything, simply leaning against the wall parallel to Price. For you, maybe your mask doesn’t get hot, but his certainly does—though, he doesn’t voice that, simply listening.

“Oh really?” Price hums, looking around the corner of the wall he’s leaned up against, spotting a few enemy soldiers walking by without a clue of who they’re in the presence of, “What’s yours made of, then?”

“Polyester,” You answer.

From what Ghost understands, you wear a mask for the same reason as him—anonymity. As much as he can respect that and understand the want to remain anonymous, he can’t help but wonder why you would want that. Is it for reasons similar to why he wears his? Have you gone through things similar to what he’s gone through? Did a fellow SAS soldier also murder your entire family and attempt to pin it on you, to which you responded by killing him, stealing his dog tags, and burning your own house down? He had many questions, but didn’t ask any.

He doesn’t think you’d answer them, anyway. He certainly wouldn’t. He’d maybe try to divert the conversation with a bad dad joke, or simply not dignify the question with a response, anything but an actual answer. He strangely expects the same of you.

He vaguely remembers a conversation he had with Price when you first joined maybe two months ago, specifically a comment Price had made about your file; “I had the same conversation with Laswell about their file that I did when I first got yours. She said the same thing when she saw their file, too, word for word.”

It turned out that they had the exact same exchange that they did when they saw Ghost’s file, verbatim. Laswell had pointed out that you had no picture, and Price said, “Never.” Ever since then, Ghost has felt an inexplicable connection to you, despite not having talked to you that much.

He’ll admit, he tried to initiate a conversation with you more often than he did with the others when he first met them. Maybe one or two times a day, he’d find you and make small talk, something that made his skin crawl with discomfort but something he still forced himself to do, just to try and make sense of the invisible line that seemed to tie you both together.

This small talk started off as anything from a question about the weather—yes, Ghost asked about the weather, unfortunately for the both of you considering how awkward and stilted that short conversation was—to asking about training and skills. He didn’t normally initiate conversations with anyone else, he was typically the one that was walked up to and barely even had to carry any conversations he was in.

Every conversation the two of you had always ended the same way, though; with you cutting it short the moment it got anywhere near your personal life, or even just your life outside of being a part of the 141, and walking off elsewhere. Ghost could see the tiniest bit of himself in you everytime you did that, and an annoying voice in the back of his mind always asked, Was I always that much of a hardass? … Am I that much of a hardass?

“Ghost,” Price’s voice snaps Ghost out of his train of thought and he grunts, looking over at Price. The man in question nods his head towards the now clear path to the building they needed to get into, and Ghost nodded back, taking his SMG out of the sling and moving out of the small alleyway they’d camped in, following after Price.

They quickly rush over to the building, the doors thankfully unlocked and the soldiers guarding it stupid enough to not be right beside the front doors, and lock the doors behind them once they’re in.

“Are you guys in?” You ask, the wind no longer distorting your voice, the background of your audio now relatively silent except for your faint breathing.

“Yeah,” Price replies, the darkness of the building making him squint as he scans the walls for some sort of light switch, “Anyone notice we got in?”

“Not that I can see, no,” You answer, your sigh audible through the comms, “They’re pretty far from the building, actually.”

“Perfect,” Price hums, patting his hand along the wall for a moment before finding a large lever. He hesitates to pull it, and ultimately decides against it, deeming it too risky. Instead, he searches his tactical vest and goes through a few large pockets that sit around his lower midriff before finding a relatively small flashlight.

He presses the button on the end of the handle with a small click, and the flashlight flickers for a moment before the light becomes consistent and a small buzz begins to sound. Price looks around for a second, scanning the area for any immediate threats, and motions for Ghost to follow him.

“See anything?” You ask curiously, some rustling heard on your end. Ghost looks around for a second, footsteps echoing eerily through the building.

“Nothing important,” He replies, voice quiet, “Just dust and old furniture.”

“His office is just down there,” Price interjects, nodding towards the hall to their left, making Ghost look in that same direction, “I’ll head down there, you stay here, let me know if anyone’s coming.”

The echo from Price talking to Ghost both through comms and being right beside him, as well as the echo from being in such a large room, starts to irritate Ghost. He rolls his shoulders and puts his gun back in the sling, looking back at Price.

“Turn off your comms,” His suggestion sounds more like a command, but he’s sure Price understands it’s more of a request than anything else, “You’re echoing. If anything happens, I can just talk to you without them.”

Price pauses before nodding, and pressing the small button on his earpiece to turn off his mic, and the piece entirely. He trusts Ghost wholeheartedly, and it shows. He takes one last look around before walking towards the office he pointed out.

The office belonged to the man who had stolen vital intel from the 141—not intelligence on the task force itself, but rather a separate team that had recently allied themselves with the task force. They couldn’t risk that data being taken, as it would not only expose the other team, but several other similar teams and task forces.

Ghost waits until Price is actually in the hall before speaking again, “You still there, [c/n]?”

“Yeah,” You answer almost immediately, “Need something?”

“No,” Ghost hums, leaning against the wall behind him, “Just wanted to talk.”

“Please don’t ask me about the weather again,” You sigh, almost exasperated, “Or about how my training is going, or about how my CO is, or—”

“I’m not,” Ghost interrupts you, not sure whether to laugh or cry at your examples of past conversations.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” He says, before asking, “How long were you apart of the army, before joining here?”

“Before the 141?” You pause, thinking for a moment, “Sounds kind of personal.”

“You don’t have to answer,” Ghost offers, voice almost reassuring, “Just curious.”

“Aren’t you always,” You mutter, a comment Ghost promptly ignores, before you properly answer, “Just a year. Maybe a year and a half.”

“American army, right?”

“Mhm,” You hum, “Would you believe me if I said we sang Yankee Doodle before going on any missions?��

“Oh, sure I would,” Ghost chuckles, before countering, “Would you believe me if I said that song was made to mock Americans?”

“I’m not sure if I should be offended that you believe that,” You say, a lighter lilt to your voice as you do compared to a few moments ago, “But yes, I believe you. I think that almost every American has reclaimed it as one of the most patriotic songs, though.”

“Almost every American?” Ghost questions, growing more amused as the conversation goes on. It confuses him, making him wonder why he’s so easily drawn into conversations with you, no matter how small or dry.

“I’m sure there’s some here and there that don’t like it,” You elaborate, “But I haven’t met any. Not yet.”

“Alright,” Ghost nods even though you can’t see him, before asking another question, “What branch?”

“The Navy,” You answer, now without questioning Ghost which brings him a strange sense of relief, “I flew planes around and stuff. Didn’t really like it, though.”

“Oh yeah?” Ghost sounds more interested now, “Why not?”

“The soldiers there aren’t the best people to be around,” You hum, the sounds of you moving audible, “One mention of any sort of mental issues, even if it’s just something like feeling anxious or being sleep deprived, and suddenly everyone’s on your ass pressuring you to be better or just… being weird about it. It gets draining after a while.”

“I bet,” Ghost murmurs, “Is that why you left?”

“Partially,” You answer honestly, “Half of it was that, the other half was that I just didn’t like flying planes. I was also eighteen and couldn’t really control my impulsive thoughts, so a majority of the time I was fighting myself trying not to crash the plane on purpose.”

“Makes sense,” Ghost considers what you said for a moment, before his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he asks, “Isn’t the enlistment age for the Navy nineteen?”

“It is,” You assure him, “I was an exception, ‘cause I was a month or two away from turning nineteen.”

“Hm,” Ghost hums, “And you’re twenty now?”

“Twenty, almost twenty-one,” You confirm.

“Did you wear the mask back then?” Ghost asks, praying that the question isn’t too personal to the point where you stop responding. He’s been dying to ask the question, always worrying whether or not it was too personal—it was pretty personal, to be fair, but he wasn’t used to worrying this much over another soldier, much less one he only met two months ago. Sure, you both wore a mask and remained somewhat anonymous, but that didn’t mean you two were automatically best friends who braided each other’s hair.

“...” You don’t respond for a moment, making Ghost’s worry increase, before you reply, “No.”

Your simple answer makes Ghost more curious, and he can’t tell if he should ask why or not. He stays silent for a few seconds, weighing his options, before he ultimately says, “Alright.”

He tries to leave it up to you whether or not you want to tell him about your own story, of if you’re comfortable with that, which you probably aren’t, considering that—again—the two of you only met a couple months ago.

“Did you wear the mask?” You ask quietly a moment later, catching Ghost off-guard, “Before this?”

“Before the 141?” He echoes your question from earlier, nodding to himself, “Yeah. For some time before this, I had a different mask, but it was still a mask.”

“Was the skull always there?”

“Mhm.”

“… For just aesthetic purposes, or?” Ghost feels the corners of his lips tug up in amusement at your question, and at how genuinely curious you sound.

“Eh. Not really,” He answers, taking a deep breath in and out through his nose. He doesn’t say any more than that, not being able to as his mind takes him back to a time a while ago, when he was being held hostage and was in the same room as some kids who heard him spill his entire background to the men holding him hostage.

He remembers one kid in particular, a little girl with blonde hair, who had listened to every detail that he’d said. When he was telling the story of why he has the call sign Ghost, in hopes of distracting the men so that the 141 could rescue him and the kids, she had clung to every detail and later asked him if what he had said was true, her tone of voice eerily similar to yours.

He remembers when he was carrying her out of that room, the questions she’d bombarded him with, and how he answered every one with as neutral of an answer he could muster. He debates doing that now with any questions you ask, but decides against it almost instantly—something that shocks him, even though it was his own thought—considering that he wanted to ask you those same questions. Not about your call sign, only about the mask.

“It’s a long story,” He says after you’ve been silent for a while, your curiosity somehow palpable even through just the comms, “But it has to do with some family members.”

“Yeah?” You hum, “I know a thing or two about that.”

“Do you?” Ghost asks, slightly ashamed at the small jolt of excitement he feels at the opportunity of hearing more about you.

“Mhm,” You pause, staying quiet for a moment, before continuing, “About family members. Dead ones.”

“Ah,” Ghost nods, the discomfort he originally felt sharing some of his own story starting to melt away, “Dead ones. I understand.”

“Can’t tell if I should be glad or not,” You snort, “Like, I’m glad you understand, but also sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ghost grins under his mask, “I was wondering the same thing.”

“So… dead ones,” You think out loud, before asking, “That’s why you have that call sign and mask?”

“Yeah,” Ghost looks around for a moment, reminding himself to keep watch while talking to you, before cautiously asking, “Are yours the reason for your mask?”

“Not really,” You answer honestly, with a little less resistance behind your answer to Ghost’s relief, “Well… I mean, kind of. But they’re not the reason-reason. I didn’t really like them, so I’m not gonna give them all the credit, but I’ll give them… maybe twenty-five percent of it.”

“A quarter’s still a lot,” Ghost points out, “What’d they do to earn that?”

“They died, and…” You’re doing more pausing and hesitating now, making Ghost wonder if he’s going to personal every second that you stay quiet, before you finally answer in a more guarded tone, “I almost got blamed for it. Almost.”

Ghost gets hit with a pang of mixed emotions, like a weird sort of uncomfortable nostalgia. They almost got blamed for it. He lets out a breath that’s slightly shaky, and thinks for a moment before saying, “Almost?”

“Almost,” You confirm, tone a little less guarded, presumably at Ghost’s more calm reaction, “Then I handled it the best I could, and the guy who killed them got what he deserved.”

“Which was?” Ghost feels more of that uncomfortable nostalgia bubble up, giving him an uneasy feeling in his gut, as if he knows where this conversation is going.

“Death,” You answer softly, “And the nameplate on his uniform stolen, which I replaced with mine. I would’ve taken his dog tags, but we didn’t really wear them on missions ‘cause our drill sergeant didn’t care too much.”

Ghost can put a name to the feeling now. Déjà vu. He takes a deep breath and considers your words for a moment.

“And the body?” His lips move before he can think.

“Burnt.” You answer simply, “The whole house. It was mainly drywall, so it took a moment to actually completely catch on fire, but it was quick enough. It also smelled disgusting.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Ghost swallows, vividly remembering the smell of his own house, before continuing, “He was a soldier for the Navy, too?”

“Mhm. He was… a Private, I think,” You reply, “I wasn’t too close with him. I wasn’t with anyone.”

“And so the reason you wear the mask is…?”

“I didn’t really exist anymore after that,” You hum, “At least, not to them. I was dead in a burned down house, my own house, and was far gone. I like wearing the mask; it keeps me as just another soldier, not as the person who died in that house.”

“But you didn’t,” Ghost points out, trying to ignore the eerie feeling that only grows stronger the more you talk, “You’re here.”

“… Yeah, I am,” You say after a moment of thinking, smile evident in your voice, “Doesn’t mean I can take that back, though. ‘s not the best feeling, doing something like that.”

“Trust me, I know,” Ghost chuckles, “If anyone here, I’d be the person to know, kid.”

“Really?” You ask, voice more curious like it was before, “Why’s that?”

“I’ve… weirdly been through almost everything you said,” Ghost admits, “Word for word with the house burning down, actually.”

“… Huh,” You huff out a small laugh before saying, “I’m wondering if I should feel happy or sad again.”

“Me too, again,” Ghost smiles, eyes flickering up at Price’s footsteps sound through the hallway, his silhouette slowly coming into view, “One last question.”

“Shoot.”

“How’s the weather?”

“I’m not answering that, fuck you.”

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the-modern-typewriter · 6 months

Note

Hello! I've been reading through your blog for the past few days and everything you write is so amazing. I was wondering if maybe you would consider writing something about an aro high schooler who gets asked out by this person they've convinced themselves that they like, but when they're actually asked about it, it just feels wrong? (Bonus points if they think kissing is gross because imo it is) - sincerely, an aroace teen writer who is very inspired by you

"River kissed you!?" Their best friend shrieked, with all of the excitement that the protagonist had expected to feel.

They managed a weak smile. Their stomach squirmed.

It was supposed to be great, wasn't it? A first kiss. People wrote novels about them. It was the epic climax of the episode. It was fireworks and a fluttering stomach, it was the whole world narrowing down to a single moment, it was heart pounding love.

It was gross.

"...was it bad?" their friend asked, catching their expression. Their face fell. A smashed plate of disappointment.

The protagonist swallowed. "It was...wet."

"I mean, it takes a bit of practice to get good at it. Even with the right person. Did they stick their tongue down your throat?"

"No. I don't think so? I mean - it was fine." It would be fine. It would definitely be fine. Maybe their first kiss hadn't exactly been what they were hoping for, but it would get better. Wouldn't it? Their throat suddenly felt horribly tight. They pressed their lips together to keep their voice from wobbling and took a breath. "You're probably right. I mean, I don't know if they've ever kissed anyone before either. Maybe I was really bad at it."

"No!"

"It's okay." At least, if they were bad at kissing, that was something they could improve upon. At least it wouldn't always feel so...

It wasn't like it was all some elaborate ruse the whole population was in on, anyway. That would be ridiculous!

It had been a nice night otherwise. The movie had been good, and their hands had touched over the popcorn, and they'd got into a great discussion about the plot after.

It would get better.

...it did not get better, though.

They started to find excuses not to kiss River; "Let's take it slow."

A kiss on the head or the cheek wasn't so bad, or like a one second peck on the mouth. It was all the other kisses.

When it didn't feel wrong, they felt nothing. They counted the awkward seconds for it to be over, then vowed to do much better next time when they caught a glimpse of the confused sort of hurt in River's eyes.

"I know you're shy," River said, one day, in a trying-to-be-casual voice. "But you like...never kiss me. It's always me kissing you. Did I..." Their voice dropped, agonised, "am I really bad at it or something?"

"No, no!"

"Oh, good."

"I just - I don't now." Their stomach squeezed. "I'm not sure I really like kissing," they confessed. "It's - I don't know." It felt rude to say ew.

"Oh," River said, in a tone of less good, but trying to be chill and non-judgy. "Okay."

"Sorry."

"It's okay." River took their hand, squeezed. "Kissing isn't everything, I guess. There are other things."

For a second, just a second, they were sure they'd never loved anyone more.

They liked River. Didn't they? They certainly thought they had. They had those cheekbones, and those pretty eyes, and they were always nice to everyone. They made the protagonist laugh, at least when there wasn't kissing involved.

It should have all been perfect.

They'd always wanted to fall in love.

In the end, they broke up after about three months.

The protagonist didn't ask what they'd done wrong, because it felt obvious, even if River wasn't cruel enough to say it. Maybe they should have ended it themselves, instead of forcing River to do it. Probably.

But what could they possibly say? It's not you, it's me. Nobody would believe that even if it was true. Oh, I know I said yes to dating you, but I'm just not that into you. That felt far too mean. It wasn't like River had done anything bad.

Their best friend held them while they cried, wracking things that choked up in their chest.

"What if I die alone?"

"Don't be stupid." Their best friend hugged them hard. "Of course you're not going to lie alone. River wasn't that great anyway! There's clearly something wrong with you if they don't want you."

The protagonist didn't quite dare say that wasn't exactly how it happened.

They kissed a few other people over the years, normally around the time when everyone else did. New Year, at the strike of twelve. If there wasn't any fireworks in the kiss, at least they were popping and fizzing outside and a new year was a new slate. They tried once after a few too many cocktails, with a friend, because maybe it would feel a little better when they were tipsy. With someone who definitely knew what they were doing.

It wasn't, though.

"You'll find the right person," their best friend said. "It's different when it's the right person, you know? Like me and Willow. I didn't think, but then..." They were happily in love; exuberant on it, nonstop on it.

The protagonist didn't want to resent it. They didn't want to be that person, spitting bitter like the villain in a fairytale.

"Romance novels are very exaggerated," their best friend said. "It's not always butterflies. It doesn't have to be butterflies to be real, you know? It's just someone you really want to spend time with."

But, the more the protagonist thought about it, the more they weren't sure that was quite true. There were plenty of people that they liked being around. It still didn't make them want to kiss them.

They weren't even sure they wanted to fall in love anymore. It wasn't like they spent most of their life miserable or anything. It was just...sometimes, when everyone else in the room had someone, or their parents asked them yet again if there was anyone they'd been seeing. Even in the height of drama, it all seemed so much easier for them.

They were twenty when they first came across the words.

Aromantic Asexual.

It was the second time they'd cried over the whole kissing thing.

That time it was relief.

"Oh my god," they left their best friend a message, vindicated. "It is an elaborate ruse!!! I'm going to bite something!!"

It got better, after that.

#aro #aroace #aromantic #bit different to my normal style hope it's okay #ficlet #story

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chronicbeans · 1 year

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Wally Darling with a Villain Reader (part 2)

I saw some people request this so here you go! OwO

TW: Kidnapping, Possessive and Obsessive Behavior, Unwanted Hugs/Cuddles

🍎 You have been sitting in the basement for a long time, now. Well, at least you THINK it has been a long time. It is pitch black, besides the candles, which only light a small portion of the basement. Wally said that, for whatever reason, electricity doesn't work in Home's basement. He also said that, since the candles use flames, it would warm you up more than electric lights, anyways.

🍎 Either way, it is dreadfully cold. You are wrapped up in a million blankets, with pillows surrounding you to work as a mattress or sorts, yet you are still cold and uncomfortable. Is this your punishment for annoying people? You really don't know. Wally hasn't explained anything to you, yet.

🍎 Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. Look who's walking down the stairs to see you! It's Wally Darling, the star of the show! You don't even try to run anymore, because he always closes the basement door too quickly to give you a chance. Once that door closes, it is always pitch black, again. Not only that, but you are also pretty sure Home is working alongside him. Once, when you said something bad about Wally keeping you locked up, a pipe above you began leaking in response, some weird, black substance staining your blanket.

🍎 Wally walks over you, with you only being able to see him again once he is right in front of you. His grin is as merry as ever and his eyes still holding that unnerving look as when he first brought you here. He pulls up a pillow, sitting cross legged on it as he speaks, his voice holding his signature monotone "Isn't this so fun? I get to see you everyday, you get to sit back and relax in here. I also get to watch how our neighbors are reacting to you disappearing! How exciting!"

🍎"Wally... this isn't fun. Please, let me go! I don't know what I did to make you so upset, but-!" He shushes you, placing a finger to your lips to keep you quiet. "You did... nothing. Nothing to upset me." You can tell it's a lie everytime he says it. His smile always grows a bit darker when he does, almost like he is straining to keep it together. However, he then pulls away, continuing "Why is it fun when you whisk me away, but not the other way around? That doesn't sound very fair, neighbor. I am having fun. Home is having fun, too! Are you still cold? Do you need more blankets?"

🍎 You don't answer his question, instead asking "Is... is anybody even looking for me? Do they care?" He pauses, seemingly thinking. He then shakes his head "No. I don't think they are... Let me tell you a secret, little villain." He crawls over, grabbing a hold of your upper arms, saying "Don't let Home know this, okay?" You weakly nod, at this point just wanting him to get away from you as soon as possible. You aren't going to lie... As much as you like to seem brave, Wally looks a bit frightening in the glow of candle lights.

🍎 He leans close to your ear, whispering "I don't think our neighbors have even noticed you are gone, yet... it is kind of like... you never existed." Your heart sinks. You watch as he pulls away, still holding your arms as he says "I'll be here, though! We can play games. I can show you how to draw. I can give you some paper to write on. The others don't matter, right? You'll be safe and happy here, I promise. A good neighbor never breaks a promise. Pinky swear!" He grabs your hand, linking your pinky to his in a forced promise. "I can even keep you warm and safe, here. If the blankets don't work, I'll come down every hour to give you a long, warm hug!"

🍎 As if to demonstrate, he wraps his arm around you tightly, burying his face in the crook of your neck. To be fair, he is surprisingly warm, but it is still extremely uncomfortable. You have made it very clear to him, numerous times, that you like to have personal space. Usually whenever you took him to the forest, you just grabbed his hand and dragged him there, then sat next to him on a log with a foot between you two. Meanwhile, he grabbed you from behind like some horror movie villain, dragged you into his basement, and now won't stop finding excuses to hug you close.

🍎"Get off of me... I'll be fine on my own. These blankets are cozy enough." They really aren't. You just want him off of you. "Nope! You are my captive, now! You gotta do as I say, and I want hugs! Just a few more minutes." Your eyes widen. That is a very... uncharacteristic thing for Wally to say. Then again, he has been acting strange ever since he took you here... but he usually still listens to you when you say to let go.

🍎 You get an explanation once he says "I love playing villain! I can see why you like it, now. You get to be mean and not listen to people. While you like to break things, say mean things, and trip people... I like to keep you here and cuddle you for as long as I want! After all, from how you spoke to me during the times you took me away, you seem like you really need them. If you won't accept them or ask for them yourself, I'm going to make you. Nobody else is willing to give you them, after all, because you are MY villain."

🍎 He finally pulls away, causing you to instinctively scoot away from him. "You are crazy. Like... There is something WRONG with you. Why won't you just let me go home? Even if people do start looking for me, nobody is going to even THINK to look inside your house! Much less your basement, which people don't know about! What even is this place? It's so dark. It seems to go on forever..."

🍎 Wally lets out a small "humph" noise, tilting his head "That's just another little insult, isn't it? Kind of like you saying my paintings look bad. I'm not crazy! If I am, I'm crazy for you! I don't seem to act like this around anyone else and you won't leave my head. As for this place... I honestly don't know. It came with Home. I haven't seen all of it." There is a muffled knock from upstairs, followed by an equally muffled "Wally! I gotta delivery for ya!"

🍎"Oh! My paints must have arrived! I'm working on a gift for you! How about you just get some sleep, okay? Oh, and don't try screaming. I've found that nobody can hear anything from down here, for some reason... I really picked the jackpot with this hiding place!" He then hurries upstairs, leaving you in the darkness, once again.

#welcome home #welcome home arg #wally darling #wally darling x reader

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 1 year

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Hello! I’ll start off with I hope you’re having a good day! And then I’ll dive into my weird head cannon suggestion: How would the Main Six react to an mc that gets nose bleeds. Not really like they get hit, more like… they’re sitting there minding their business and there their nose is just ~fwooosh!~ blood and the LI = 😟

The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC gets a nosebleed

~ dear anon, this is exactly the kind of unusual, delightful, and very human request I started writing headcanons for XD thanks for the prompt, I hope you enjoy! - brainrot ~

Julian

Briefly freaks out for like 2.5 seconds

"Ah, right, I'm a doctor. Let me take a look at your lovely face, my dear, I'll take care of it. Oho! A nosebleed! I know just the cure for this, excuse me while I ah ... pull you a little closer ~"

Continues to keep you calm and distracted while he treats your nose

Nonstop flirting while he takes advantage of the proximity

Will kiss you afterwards as payment for his services

Said kiss will send him into a dramatic, poetic monologue about how he would kiss your blood-soaked lips and your ability to be at once wounded and beautiful and -

You get the idea. He'll continue for as long as you let him or until something else demanding his attention appears (like an irritated Malak)

Asra

Mildly panicked, does a very good job of hiding it

They can tell it's a nosebleed right away, but there's always that extra sensitivity in the back of their head about whether you're in pain or if it's a symptom of anything worse

He'll pull you somewhere secluded and grab his scarf or a handkerchief if he has one to press to your face

They'll hold your hand and tell you silly stories to keep you (and themself) distracted until it's over

He will tease you about it afterwards

"I've heard that nosebleeds can happen when you think about something too heated for too long. But we know that would never apply to you, MC. It certainly couldn't have been that you were thinking about me."

Faust will scold them for teasing you when you were bleeding minutes ago

Nadia

Shocked and startled at first

Immediately taking your face in both of her hands to get a closer look at what's going on

She'll grab handfuls of her sleeves or skirt and press it to your nose, completely focused on you until the nosebleed stops

Slightly shaken afterwards because it was just a nosebleed, but it was still blood, on your face, and she didn't really expect it to be there

This is a good time to joke around and relieve the tension

You might also accompany her to change her clothes. She doesn't regret caring for you at all but she certainly isn't comfortable spending the rest of the day wearing something bloodstained

She'll study up on nosebleeds later. If it happens often Chandra now carries a clean handkerchief on her leg at all times

Muriel

Oh no

This *will* trigger him. It's blood, it's on your face, and it happened out of nowhere, which means it might be his fault oh god

Of course it doesn't help that you're more concerned about his oncoming panic attack than you are about yourself, so now you're both trying to take care of each other while ignoring half the problem

Inanna doesn't know who to take care of first, she's whimpering and running between the two of you and it's not helping

You're going to have to pull and turn away where he can't see the blood and hold his hand instead while you wait for the mess to stop

You'll both be fine, it was just a nosebleed and Muriel's getting better at grounding himself, but you'll need a nap and cuddle session afterwards

Portia

Genuinely unconcerned

It's a nosebleed. Nosebleeds happen all the time

Besides, you're MC! You're the coolest, strongest person she's ever known, there's no reason to be worried unless you give her a reason to be worried

She'll hand you her handkerchief and laughingly ask if you're okay

"Are you good there, MC? Is the weather getting to you or am I just too hot to handle?"

She is oddly quiet on the way home

It's not about you, though, she's just apprehensive about how much work it's going to take to get the bloodstain out

Pepi has an odd intuition for when one is about to happen and will start batting at your nose in advance when she feels one coming

Lucio

Hey, you two have been walking for a while, it might be time for a break soon and WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING

Oh it's a nosebleed? Oh, okay.

He'll suggest you go ahead and take that break. He'll find some shade and a comfy place to sit and lead you over there

Very excited to see you heal yourself with some badass magic, disappointed but understanding when you don't and choose to wait it out instead

Seeing the blood inspires him to tell you about all the injuries he's accumulated from his years on the battlefield

There's no chance of you getting bored with his loud and dramatic reenactments happening in the middle of the road

Mercedes and Melchior will take turns sitting at your side and barking at his antics

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana fluff #the arcana shitpost #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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edgeray · 2 months

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"Arlecchino is a person." Blurb Series Masterlist (Arlecchino x Reader)

In which Arlecchino is a person with many traits, and somehow, you surprise her by revealing something new about each one.

Author's Note listed under the cut.

Each blurb can be seen as a standalone or one story altogether.

Day 1: Arlecchino is a cold person.

Day 2: Arlecchino is a patient person.

Day 3: Arlecchino is a selfish person.

Day 4: Arlecchino is a greedy person.

Day 5: Arlecchino is a cruel person.

Day 6: Arlecchino is a corrupt person.

Day 7: Arlecchino is not a person.

My favorite one is probably "Arlecchino is a cruel person." (Day 5)

Haha this Author's Note is long... there's a TLDR at the bottom.

I just wanted to say, thank you guys for reading my silly little blurb series, whether you've stuck for all 7 or just 1, I hope you guys enjoyed it. If you want to see more Arlecchino content from me, have an Arlecchino oneshot here.

I have a lot to say, just because this is the first time that I've done this and also the first time I've really invested into a platform that I can post my works in. I didn't think I had the commitment to write something per day, but hey I did it :D. The word count for the blurbs altogether was 5k words. I really enjoyed writing this series, even though this isn't my best writing. I don't know when my next school break is, but would you guys want another blurb series like this on the next one?

Also, I am very sorry, but that oneshot I mentioned I was trying to get done? Yeah, I don't think it's going to be done nor will it ever see the light of day. 5 days of procrastination should have been enough to tell me I wasn't actually going to have the motivation to complete this. I'm really sorry 😿.

On another hand, I got a good amount of responses for my Arlecchino Oneshot Poll, and I'm really excited to write these ideas! Given how long and how much work I put into my oneshots (and my busy school schedule) oneshots are not going to be frequent at all. (The Arlecchino oneshot took me at least 2 months to write). That means I won't be posting as often, but I do use Tumblr a lot still. So feel free to interact with me in anyway! :D

TLDR: Thanks for reading, looking forward to writing more Arlecchino content in the future!

#arlecchino x reader #arlecchino x you #edgeray.blog #edgeray.rambles #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact fanfics

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inkskinned · 4 months

Text

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

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rat-cannibal · 3 months

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i have no idea if you write for adam, but here i am

i am the ultimate angst asker, if you're okay with that

adam or lute(ilovewomenbumpersticker) x reader who does in the extermination without them knowing.

- FEED ME A BONE,

carcass

aaaa thank you so much for the request!! i am a fellow lover of women, so I will do Lute at a later date. i wasnt too sure about what you meant by 'does in'. i did give you a sad ending though, so hopefully that makes up for it!

how would adam or lute react to the reader finding out about the exterminations? Part 1

- Adam -

you and adam started dating before he started the exterminations

you're an amazing person - kind, sweet, innocent, everything an angel should be. and also everything Adam isn't.

adam is already so insecure about anything that has to do with hell bc lucifer stole his wives (cue pussy eating hand gesture)

so he doesn't even mention it when he starts thinking about the exterminations

you're suspicious, obviously, because he's going off on so many meetings and is becoming more distant

but you dont say anything because you love adam, and he would never lie to you.. would he?

when adam finally gets his extermination team approved, he's overjoyed

he comes home and immediately kisses the shit out of you

You whine as he pulls away from you, your lips swollen and your face flushed. You try to catch your breath. "Not that I'm complaining, but, uh, what exactly was that about?"

Adam grins widely, squeezing your hands. "What, am I not allowed to kiss my beautiful partner hello?" You sense a hint of deceit in his voice, but choose not to question him about it.

you and adam always sleep in the same bed at nights. you have practically since you started dating.

so when one night he doesn't come home, alarm bells immediately go off in your head

is he cheating on you? maybe he found someone else, someone better

no, you reason, surely he's just held up at work

your suspicions only intensify when he returns the following morning, hair tousled and clothing ruffled

he looks exhausted, like he didn't get any sleep. usually this would indicate a long day at work, but theres a smile on his face that paperwork could never cause

dread grows in your stomach

he greets you happily, like nothing's wrong, and you play along, not wanting to fight with your boyfriend about something that could very well have been a misunderstanding

next year, though, when he disappears again and comes back looking thoroughly satisfied, your suspicions are confirmed.

adam is cheating on you.

you're a very conflict-averse person, so these yearly meetings go on for nearly two decades (time works different in heaven ok just roll with it. 1 year = a month to them basically)

eventually, though, you come home from a hard day of work and Adam isn't there.

that pushes you over the edge. you pack a bag and store it in the closet before going back to your room.

you would look for an apartment in the morning. for now, you just want to sleep.

you wake up and join adam in the kitchen for breakfast. he looks like he always does after these meetings - ruffled, yet satisfied.

"Adam," you say simply, "we need to talk."

"Uh-oh," teases Adam, "am I in trouble?"

"Where were you last night?"

Adam swallows thickly. "What?"

You glare at him. "Where were you last night?"

"I was busy with a work thing - you know how it is, babe, they work me to the bone. It's ridiculous."

"Why do you look so happy, then, so fulfilled?" You sigh. "Look, Adam, I know you're cheating on me. I've known for years now. I guess I just hoped you'd have the balls to admit it."

adam tries to frantically explain that he's not cheating on you, that he's been leading a yearly extermination

he would never cheat on you, he loves you

you demand to know what an extermination is, and he tells you in more detail than you ever would have wanted

you listen in silence as he describes the joy he gets from killing demons - from killing human souls

you retrieve your bag and leave your shared apartment for good

adam begs you to stay, says he'll change, that he'll do anything

but you can't be with a murderer

#hazbin fanfic #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x reader #gn reader #x reader #reader #reader insert #angst #heavy angst #sad ending #no happy ending

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stedefxckingbonnet · 5 months

Note

hello hello! i don’t think i’ve seen anything like this yet, so may i request izzy x gn!reader who’s a bit insecure?

maybe they struggle with body image or something and izzy is basically like “how are they so blind??” but he struggles to express it because he’s never had to be so soft for anyone?

of course, ignore it if you’re not comfortable with it! :)

Hi, everyone!!

So, it's been a while. And I mean, a while. Longer than I wanted to step away from writing, and I never really wanted to step away from it in the first place but some stuff happened and yada yada. But I'm truly, truly hoping to be back and writing again to some capacity, I have truly missed writing for Izzy and for you all and I feel as though the world needs Izzy Hands content now more than ever! I truly do hope to be back.

I hope you don't mind that I put my own spin onto this, anon! You provided the lovely central plot and idea, and I simply provided an atmosphere and story to go with. Body image/insecurity is something I struggle with too, no matter how many times people tell me that I am beautiful, and I tried to channel that in this one. I am also not trying to send the message that other people's validation is what can make a person feel better about themself! I am more so trying to convey that the one(s) we love can often show us things about ourselves that we didn't know were there or didn't see before, and that they help us to love and appreciate these things about ourselves, and ourselves in general. You all who are reading this are so, so wonderful and beautiful and extraordinary even if you have a hard time believing it, and maybe your comfort character can help you to believe it a bit more in this little fic♡

Anyhow, please, request! Don't hesitate! My messages are also always open for anyone who needs anything but also just to say hi or talk about anything really. Thank you all for your everlasting support, patience, and kindness especially through my sort of absence ♡ Also, please, if I have used your gif or you know who created it, please credit yourself or them! I am not always good at figuring that sort of stuff out, but I want to give credit where credit is due. Have a wonderful day (or night), everyone!

Love,

Lavinia

What I See | Izzy Hands x Reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, slight swearing, struggles with body image and insecurity, very direct izzy (in a good, affectionate way but may be inaccurate ish? but i believe it isn't)

Word Count: 2525

"I just don't understand it!" the first mate angrily threw his hands up in the air. "I just don't understand why Bonnet is dragging us to one of those stupid...fancy people gatherings."

You couldn't help but laugh at such a sight, seeing Izzy Hands so distraught, though his usual cloud of anguish didn't seem to surround him. This was different, something you couldn't exactly place, but it was endearing nonetheless. "A ball, you mean?" your lips curled into a playful smile.

"I don't care what it's called," Izzy grumbled. "All I know is that I don't want to be there."

"It could be fun!" you suggested, your smile growing larger.

"Has Bonnet brainwashed you somehow?" Izzy rolled his eyes, but for just a moment, maybe, you could have sworn you saw a smile on the first mate's visage.

"If worse comes to worse, there'll be plenty of alcohol to drink," you laughed, softly squeezing Izzy's shoulder. Subtle touches like these between the two of you were second nature, almost instinctual, yet you were certain Izzy didn't make much of it and plainly saw them as something friendly. You almost sighed at such a thought.

And perhaps you had your own motives for wanting to drag Israel Hands along to such an event. Perhaps it gave you an excuse to hold him close to you without him suspecting a single thing, just that it was all custom meant to be followed in such a setting. You thought maybe, just maybe, it would be the opportune night to spend some more time with Izzy, just the two of you in the moonlight, dancing and chatting the night away, cheek to cheek...

"Fancy people alcohol," Izzy groaned in response, snapping you out of your daydream, to which luckily, he didn't notice you had slipped into in the first place.

"It's better than nothing," you rolled your eyes playfully. "Now, come on. Bonnet's got some fabrics for us to borrow, he says. I've come to fetch you," you now smiled teasingly.

"Oh, joy!" Izzy exclaimed sarcastically, yet he still followed your lead.

The only reason he was even remotely tolerating the night ahead was to be able to find himself closer to you, away from the chaos of The Revenge and all else it had to offer. Spending a night with you wouldn't be dreadful in the slightest for Izzy, and had you not been attending at all, he wouldn't even hesitate to let Ed and Stede go off to this awful event by themselves. But even Stede knew that your presence was enough to get Izzy to agree to such a thing, and really, what could be more convincing than you?

Before Izzy could comprehend it, your figure was wrapped in an ethereal ensemble. You studied yourself in the mirror, a frown naturally falling upon your face, though it quickly faltered as he came into view.

By the sea gods, you looked astonishing. Izzy already knew you would be the most bewitching of the ball, and that perhaps he would have to compete with other awful suitors of high society to even just get a moment alone with you. He almost became troubled at the thought, but your unmatched beauty was enough to distract him from such a notion. You had taken his breath away and this wasn't exactly a feeling he was used to, though it wasn't one that he disliked. No, not at all. In fact, he could get used to this, and he wanted to. Even though his own reflection stood right before him, he couldn't take his eyes off of you. He never could have fathomed until he met you that someone could be so breathtaking, so...alluring.

But all you were thinking about is how your clothing seemed to accentuate all of the wrong features, in your eyes.

'And the color—it washes me out, doesn't it?' you thought to yourself, almost fighting back tears.

Finally, Izzy spoke, though he immediately regret doing so. "Will you be comfortable?" He almost began to scold himself. 'That's all you have to say? This attractive person is standing right beside you and that's all you can manage to say?'

"Oh, yes. I've got plenty of moving room," you assured him, doing your best to step out of your own head for a moment. You even tried to shoot him a convincing smile. "I'll be just fine."

Finally, your eyes wandered over to his image, instead of focusing either at your own reflection or onto the ground. You felt your face becoming warm as you caught a glimpse of the man before you—how he was transformed, yet, still the Izzy Hands you knew and loved. Only elevated, and even more enchanting than usual. Your jaw almost dropped to the ground.

"What? I look fucking dumb, don't I?" Izzy laughed annoyedly.

"No! No, Izzy, you look..."

Before you could finish your statement, Stede rushed in. "You two ready to go? Oh, look at the two of you! You look divine!"

You looked over at Izzy, sending a supportive, yet spirited smile his way. Izzy couldn't help but return the sentiment as the two of you were ushered off of the ship and into another realm unbeknownst to the both of you.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Some of the sweetest melodies you had ever heard began to surround you as you stepped into the ornately decorated room. You could hardly believe how much space there was in just one part of this residence, and that it was dedicated for dancing and other sorts of happenings similar to these. Before you knew it, for just a moment, you succumbed to your wonder of what having a life like this would entail, though you were quickly reminded of your distaste towards it when you saw a woman weeping and being chased out of the room by a man screaming extreme obscenities toward her. You and Izzy slowly looked toward one another in disbelief, the both of you fighting off laughter.

"It's not too late to get out of here," Izzy whispered.

You rolled your eyes with that same familiar grin this action always seemed to come with. "We're hardly even here."

Defeated, Izzy sighed and slumped against a wall, though quickly coming off it as soon as he spotted Stede glaring daggers at him from across the room. Another sigh escaped his lips, and you burst into a fit of laughter, unable to contain yourself. As annoyed as Izzy was at what just happened, your laughter was an antidote, and he was certainly taking it in.

Though, his newfound smile quickly faltered when he noticed a handsome stranger eyeing you from a few feet away. But you didn't even notice that someone else had noticed you—you only cared if the man in front of you had, and he seemed to be occupied by something else.

"Iz?" you asked in confusion. "What is it?"

Without another word, Izzy motioned his head to the side, to which you finally noticed the attention of another that you had captured.

"And?" you shook your head, unsure of what Izzy had been insinuating.

"He wants to dance with you," Izzy pointed out, rolling his eyes without realizing. "And you should have some fun. Don't let me hold you back."

You opened your mouth to speak in protest, but quickly closed it once again. How would you admit, in the midst of a stuffy room with a plethora of people you don't know who are all dancing and speaking at the top of their lungs, that all you had looked forward to this evening was to sharing a dance with Izzy Hands and no one else? That it was the only reason you even considered forcing yourself into an outfit that made you feel bad about yourself, even worse than you already do, and surrounding yourself with a million strangers whilst doing it? The thought alone sounded like a nightmare, but with Izzy by your side, it sounded like a dream come true. But Izzy was pushing you toward this stranger before you could comprehend it, and then you watched Izzy's figure disappear slowly into the distance as you were whisked away.

"I've never seen you here before," the stranger pointed out. "And if I had, I think I'd remember a beautiful person such as yourself."

These words made your insides twist. Your companion spoke with sincerity, but you couldn't bring yourself to believe it. 'He's just being polite,' you told yourself, brushing it off.

"It's been a few years," you lied, not wanting to blow your cover, or especially Stede's cover, as you were sure he wasn't exactly welcomed back into an environment such as this. "I don't usually speak to many."

"Well, isn't it my lucky day then?" he laughed. "No one here even compares to you. You are something special. What did you say your name was?"

But before the perhaps unlucky stranger knew it, you were nowhere to be found. You kept running until your environs became darker, and the moon was your only source of light. You leaned against the railing of a balcony, your vision blurred by tears. You flinched upon feeling a hand on your shoulder, but quickly relaxed once you noticed out of your periphery that it was none other than Izzy's touch.

"Did he offend you? I swear, I'll have his head before he can even fucking think of using it again—"

"No, no. He didn't. It's fine, really," you shrugged, blinking back tears to the best of your ability. But even the darkness of the night failed to hide your misery. Izzy softened upon noticing your state.

"What is it?" he asked, concern dripping from his voice as he looked at you intently. You stared at your hands gripping the railing, but you quickly tore your eyes away from that sight and stared out into the night.

"I—This is why I didn't want to come tonight!" you exclaimed.

"You—but you were so—"

"Excited? Yeah, right," you laughed sadly, shaking your head.

"What is it?" Izzy repeated, worry written all over his face. "Are you sure I don't need to behead anyone?"

Another laugh escaped you. "No, Izzy. He—he said I was beautiful. That's not a crime."

"He wasn't wrong," Izzy shrugged, a small smile making its way onto his face. With this, you couldn't help but meet Izzy's eyes, and you couldn't help but return a smile. Though quickly, it vanished, and your original demeanor overtook you once again.

"He was though," you protested. "This is why I don't like coming to these things. Squeezing myself into these clothes."

"I know these clothes are a bit ridiculous," Izzy laughed. "But yet you still manage to be so...beautiful."

Your heart began to do pirouettes inside your chest. For once in your life, part of you believed such a statement could be directed toward yourself. But Izzy could see the plagued expression on your face.

"You don't believe me?"

You shook your head as you finally allowed tears to fall down your face and drip onto your chest. Izzy frowned and took a few steps closer to you so as to gently wipe away your tears with his thumb, though his hand lingered for a moment longer, caressing your cheek as he was about to speak.

"You could be covered in dirt and I'd still find you beautiful," Izzy assured you. "You know, when I first saw you, I knew even then that you were. And you become more so every single day. You are the most enchanting person I've ever crossed paths with and laid my eyes upon. And there's so many things about the world I find are awful to have to experience and look at, but not you. You're the opposite of everything that's wrong with the world."

Sobs escaped your chest as you fell into Izzy's arms, to which he instinctively caught you, engulfing you carefully in his arms. He softly wrapped his fingers in your hair as he held you. 'I am holding the world in my arms right now,' he thought to himself, and thank the sea gods your face was buried into the crook of his neck and you couldn't see the grin that conquered his lips.

As for you, you never believed it when anyone else said these sorts of things to you. You found it impossible to believe these things about yourself; there were even days where you'd purposefully avoid any sort of reflective surface just to ensure that you don't break down. Sometimes, you couldn't even bear to look at yourself. But hearing Izzy declaring all of this to you—for the first time, perhaps you would actually be able to believe it.

Your silence made beads of sweat form atop Izzy's temple, but he didn't dare let you go to wipe them away. You clung onto him tighter, which only thawed Izzy's heart even more. He couldn't believe all that he just said, even though it was all true, and your lack of a response made his heart race even more.

"You are beautiful," Izzy repeated as he melted into your embrace, and embraced the shared silence. Something about it was comforting in a way he had never experienced before. If he could, he would exist in this moment forever.

Finally, you slowly pulled away, though your hands still clung onto the first mate's arms, and your faces were a short distance away from one another. At the same time, the two of you leaned in to close said distance between the two of you, and all bits of yearning, desire, love, and desperation poured out into this moment. Even without Izzy's words, he had already managed to make you feel lovely in every way even just by him being around. He was the one person who managed to help you see what was so amazing about yourself. You quickly melted into the sudden collision of your lips and he kissed you with a fervor that you had been craving from him for as long as you could remember. You smiled against his lips, and once air became scarce, the two of you simultaneously sought it. Once you both pulled apart for air, a collective joyous laugh filled both of your ears.

"I only wanted to come to this stupid thing because you'd be here," you admitted, and you were sure your cheeks were as red as the roses in the garden that surrounded you.

Izzy couldn't help but smile. "I wasn't going to come until Bonnet mentioned you would be. I meant what I said, you know. You are beautiful, and I'm sorry, but you're fucking dumb if you don't see that."

You threw your head back as you laughed before meeting Izzy's gaze once again. "You are so beautiful," Izzy repeated once again, all teasing aside to show his sincerity. You reached for his hand and squeezed it tenderly as the two of you looked out into nighttime, but all Izzy could focus on was how even more ravishing you looked as the moon illuminated your face.

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #ofmd season 2 #x reader #izzy hands my beloved #izzy hands x reader #fanfic #ofmd izzy hands #renew as a crew #guys i still have hope for a season 3 because of the petitions and renew as a crew stuff on twitter okay #there is still hope #or else i will cry every day #requests are open #request #please request #anon request #im back bitches #and i missed you all so much

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hollyhomburg · 11 days

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No is I am crying about the packs pups and how adorable they all are. Though to be fair it’s been a crying evening

okay but i do wanna talk about the packs two girl pups, the older alpha one (who i picture with the prettiest red hair for some reason) and the younger little omega one- whose blonde and curly haired like i was when i was little, and how the older one would be all skinned knees and sneakers until it came to dress up with the youngest and tae- like please imagine the little one being so excited to try on her big sister's baseball caps and the older one all the way up in a tree wearing a giant tutu getting it muddy- but then when she comes down they all get muddy and grimey makeing mudpies in the front lawn (jk lowkey hoses them down before letting them inside for some very thurough grooming and scenting) in my mind they are pretty different personality wise but they're very very close.

i think when the older one leaves for college she gives the younger one her pink pocket knife and maybe a pink baseball cap to match hers but backing up a bit- maybe when they're younger- around 11 and 6- the older one convinces the younger that something is safe when it isn't, accidentally leading to the younger one getting hurt- like a broken wrist or something,

And it's not that the others suspect that the older sister pushed the younger or encouraged her to do something that would deliberatly get her hurt- that just is their first reaction since they do tend to bicker alot and clash- but any doubt that they had in their mind is quickly extinquished when the older one sobs louder than they've ever heard her- which is suprising, different than they've come to expect from their stoney minded oldest girl.

like this is the same kid who has fallen 10 feet down from a tree without even batting an eye- who straight up got bitten by a neighborhood dog and laughed- an alpha girl that for all intents and purposes- is probably the toughest alpha in the family- they always joke that she has too much wolf in her- always walking barefoot and getting knots in her hair.

Who is now crying over their little siblings broken arm. sobbing big big tears and hiding her face, crying out "i'm the worst alpha in the whole world!!!" and of course she's quickly scooped up and shushed and comforted by the others- especially jin and the m/c who all but scent her silly and reassure her that they are not angry with her at all- that things happened and next time everyone just has to be careful-

and it's mostly fixed when the younger one comes back in namjoon's arms, yoongi close behind- and the little one is really okay! she's got wet cheeks and her face is tucked into namjoon's neck but she excitedly asks their older sister if they want a lolly pop too! because the really really really nice nurse gave her a whole lapfull of them for being brave and she got one for everyone!!! but her older sister gets two!!! and could she be the first one to sign her cast?

and maybe the older one asks her "why did you get it green instead of pink? thats your favorite color" and the little one is all shy but so happy because she got it in her older siblings favorite color instead, because pink and green are the same color as watermellon and really- watermellon is like the best best food so (in my mind- the littlest pup inherits the m/c's penchant for food really- please imagine her walking around with a little chubby belly the way that little kids walk, she's very food obsessed in like- the best most healthy way)

i know i said that i didn't have names in mind for them- and i know they're not traditional korean names but i do think that maybe the pups get korean names and american names because jin and namjoon would probably want to make sure they all could speak and write it. in my mind- the older sisters name is Magnolia (maggie for short) and the younger one is Lily. imagine if the pack called them "our little flowers" 🥺 i also think that hobi plants a big magnolia tree in their front yard when Magnolia is born and that's the one that she likes to climb so much <3

(i just looked it up and both of these names actually do have a korean equivalent that might fit the sylabic name structure of korean names, someone who speaks korean should chime in! lily in korean is Baeghab and magnolia in korean is Moglyeon)

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hina-hina · 1 year

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Task force 141, Alejandro and Rodolfo making their emotionally stiff s/o softly giggle and snort at one of their jokes/comments/attempts at flirting.

-🍁

Hello again!! This was such a good request and I had a lot of fun writing it. Thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoy!! (●'◡'●)

Second late night post today (with more content). Now we are back on schedule!!

→ COD Masterlist

|| Task Force 141 (+ Alejandro and Rodolfo) With an Emotionally Stiff S/O ||

Tags: Pre-Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, Some Military!Reader, Jokes, Cute, Humor

Warnings: None

Gender-Neutral!Reader // Romantic

(I am running out of new Ghost gifs)

|| Ghost

We all know that Ghost himself is a bit emotionally stiff as well

But we also know he likes jokes

He knows you as being this very stiff character that, like him, wasn't ever phased by the other 141s jokes

But, one day he is feeling quite outgoing and sets out to make you laugh, if only to subtlety rub it in Soap's face

So, he throws one of those silly "military humor" jokes out one day

And if it has flirty undertones, that's his business

He doesn't expect much, but when a sudden, surprised laugh erupts from you he is enthralled

He is shocked at how cute he thinks it is

You glance at him with a smile, pat his shoulder and tell him "Good one." before walking away

He places his head in his hand, muttering, "Bloody hell..."

He starts thinking of more jokes just to hear you laugh again

|| Soap

When Soap sees your stiff and unlaughing disposition, he sets out to be the first to make you laugh

He tries for a long time, no joke he utters really works though and most of the time, it ends with you rolling your eyes at him

He starts to be more open about his attraction to you during this time, beginning to mix flirts in with his jokes

It's one of these flirty jokes that makes you let out a small snort

He is like "Was that a laugh? That sounded like a laugh!"

He is just cheering himself on as you try to calm him back down

He would playfully be like, "What is my prize?"

He is immediately shocked still when you give him a kiss on the cheek, if only to get him to stop gloating

|| Gaz

He is used to working with stoney people and wouldn't push you to be more emotional

At first

When the two of you begin to get closer, he does start getting more playful with you

This is just because it's in his nature and that he really likes you so he wants to joke around with you

And, upon realizing his attraction for you, he starts making subtle flirty comments

When one of these flirty comments makes you let out a soft laugh, he immediately smiles and makes a comment on how cute your laugh is

He then starts flirting and joking more and when you ask why he says its so he can hear your laugh again

|| Price

He is very respectful of your unemotional personality

He would never ask why or try and make you show more emotion

But, unlike Gaz, he would be less likely to try and get you to laugh at all

He does joke, but he has a more dry sense of humor that's less likely to spark laughs

I imagine you would laugh after he got pranked by one of the 141,

He would realize his feelings for you after hearing your laugh

He would start joking with you once he is more comfortable,

You joke back in the same dry manner

He isn't the type to outwardly flirt, more like do small nice things for you

And, eventually he would ask you to dinner if your both going on leave at the same time

|| Alejandro

Alejandro is a very passionate man

I also see him as being a hopeless romantic

So when he knows he is attracted to you (and if it's not a high-stakes situation), he would immediately start flirting with you

However, your stiff disposition does not discourage him

Quite the opposite, actually

He becomes determined to make you laugh

But also he strives for you to be comfortable enough with him to be able to loosen up around him

I imagine he hears you laugh one day after he starts cursing something out by stubbing his toe

And on one hand he is so disappointed that you didn't laugh at one of his flirty jokes

On the other hand? he is now addicted to your laugh

He now strives to get you flustered

|| Rodolfo

He would be a bit more fearful to joke around you

Mostly because of what happened when he tried to joke with Ghost

And, even though he is attracted to you, he doesn't outwardly flirt either

He would much rather do nice things for you and eventually work up the courage to ask you on a date

However, after one day you let out a little startled laugh at a comment he made at Alejandro he is in shock

When you ask him why he's staring, he would blush a bit and say that he liked your laugh

Please ask him out after this

If he doesn't first, that is

Thanks for reading!

⇣Taglist⇣ @scarlettprooff @unabashednightmarepizzaza @kk007897 @cl0udii-m00n @polar2oidsworld @meepsters-world @uwu-i-purple-you @punziesworld @heaven-angels-world @crystalliebling

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williaml0ver · 5 months

Text

☆ <3 Naib Subedar General Dating Headcanons ☆ <3

[🖇️] word count: 1423

[🖇️] warnings: g/n reader, talks of ptsd, miscommunication, not proofread wdgaf!!!!!

[🖇️] author's note: I don't really know how big the IDV fandom is since i am still quite new to both the game and tumblr itself. I have no experience in writing so i am sorry if my work seems tacky, i will be working on it 😭 Like i said I don't know if this fandom is active here so someone will either read this or i will be feeding myself self delusion for these sweet characters. I'm confused but i got the spirit id love to make some mutual followers!!!!

I love Naib. He's so precious i want to cuddle and take ibuprofen with him. I'd like to write more about him if i stick around.

☆ ☆ ☆

-You are his soft spot.

-Everyone in the manor would notice that his attitude changes when he's alone with you.

-He is going to absolutely always have his eyes on you when you're near. It's his love language.

-Naib's life has been forever stained by his early years in poverty and fighting during war, after so many hardships he would definitely try his best to make his loved one feel safe. He couldn't stand losing someone close once again. Showing you that you can feel protected near him means the same as saying "i love you".

-Naib is a mature person but you may sometimes hear flirtatious compliments from him.

-He sometimes questions himself why do you love him. While he doesn't necessarily understand he doesn't need any answers - he will cherish the moment as long as it lasts, making sure you know he is devoted to you.

-Naib may be a little insecure, but he'd like you to think he actually isn't. Whenever you'd praise him he would answer "I know".

-He's not afraid of showing you affection in public. And while he's not going to make a big show out of it, he would simply kiss your palms and hold them. Or hold you by your waist, sending death glares. That's enough for everyone around to understand that you're his and if someone messes with you they better start running.

-If you ever tell him you feel threatened by someone, he will tell you to go to his dorm and take matters into his own hands. You can beg as much as you like, but he will never tell you what he did.

-When someone hurts you, someone attempts to hurt him too.

-A lot of people may consider his ways rather weird, but to him, as someone who was forced to be the head of his household, defending his significant other is something very important.

-He would stand up for you every time.

-If no one is paying attention to what you're saying, he'd quickly tell everyone to let you speak.

-When he comes back injured from a match, if it's not something life threatening, he prefers when you take care of him. He's capable of bandaging himself etc. but the fact that his dearest one worries about him makes him feel loved.

-While Naib is protective it doesn't mean he believes you are defenseless. He will respect if you want to be individual, he hopes you understand that you are free to do whatever you desire, though if in need, he will instantly be there. If you are scared or anxious, please come to him.

-He may not be the tallest, but he is still strong, he wouldn't mind carrying you if you're tired.

-If you ask him to teach you some self defense moves, he would proudly instruct you.

-He may not always read you properly. But he's not doing it on purpose. Tell him about your mood and he'll do anything in his power to cheer you up.

-His protectivness may lead to some arguments. He is not going to hesitate to scold you for doing something rather dumb.

-He could come out as mean sometimes.

-If you are injured, he is going to take it very seriously. That moment pulls a big trigger. Naib becomes very aggresive.

-He worries. A lot. He is afraid of hurting you because he is aware of his mental struggles. He may even raise his voice at you - but while it seems scary please be understanding. He's never had a lover before and he wants to shield you from danger. He tries to quickly apologize to you.

-He just needs you to be safe.

-Communication is key in your relationship.

-Early in your relationship, there may be some misunderstandings. At first glance, Naib may seem closed off. He is not the best with his words.

-He TRIES for you.

-As a soldier, he developed an unhealthy habit of keeping every emotion to himself. It will take a lot of time for both of you to open up. You promised to Naib that if anything ever bothers you, you will immediately talk to him. And vice versa.

-He's a man of few words, he may struggle with talking you through it, however he's going to make sure his partner feels comforted and heard.

-His advices are always well thought and wise.

-You spend a lot of time together just talking about your worries, thoughts or hopes. Sometimes in his bed, sometimes on a peaceful walk. He may make a few comments, or give advice if you ask him, though he mainly just listens carefully and holds you. He wants you to feel like he's a boulder that stabilizes you.

-While supporting you, he has issues with opening up with his worries. He fears you would call him weak.

-Naib struggles with PTSD, therefore he's also in need of comfort and reassurance. He likes when you ground him, by covering him with your body, your face hidden in his chest. But there are also times when he may push you away during one of those times. It's important for you to keep talking to him. Not shaming him for who he is.

-He desires honesty.

-He'd like you to sing him to sleep.

-He is a considerate lover. While he rarely initiates any touches without reason or words of affirmation, Naib shows his love by being with you.

-But when the touches or kisses ARE initiated, you know he absolutely means it all.

-Speaking of which, he doesn't have a need to take you out for fancy dates. But don't take it wrong. He thinks all you need is spending time together, simply in bed or on a walk in solitude. If you don't feel like talking - that is fine too. You can sit on the grass and watch him train. Those are worth more than the most expensive restaurant. That doesn't mean he will never take you to a more lively place though.

-Naib isn't also keen on huge, extravagant gifts. Roses, necklaces, love letters are his favourite of showering his lover with romance.

-He is a good listener. He remembers several small details about your interests or preferences.

-Extremely supportive. He may not word it directly, but he worships you. Your inside and outside. He would very indescretely check you out when you wear something pretty.

-If you ask nicely, he is going to give you some of his clothing. He feels absolutely proud of the fact that his love wants to wear something that is his AND he could smell them when wearing it later.

-He would keep a photo of you in his pocket, along with a photograph of his mother. He captioned it "My treasure" in his native tongue. He never tells you what it means.

-His favourite photo of you is a picture of you wearing his elbow pads.

-Pet names are not his thing. Though on rare occasions he will refer to you as his love, or his treasure.

-A treasure he worships and is willing to die for. Naib may be very reckless when it comes to your safety. You have to make sure he is well taken care of as well. He enjoys taking baths with you, when you wash his hair and cuddle.

-Although enjoyable, he sometimes may push away your need for physical closeness. He just sometimes needs to be left alone. It's always good to ask if he would like to be touched. Consent is very important for Naib. He doesn't mind it if you are very clingy. In fact, it makes him feel appreciated. He himself though thinks that intimate contact is meant only for special situations.

-One of the few ways into his heart is, of course, through his stomach. He loves waking up to breakfast made by his lover. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just the fact that you cared enough to prepare something for him is enough.

-He would love to show you some traditional nepali dishes and guide you while preparing them!

-As cliche as it seems, he'd like it if you'd directly feed him.

-I feel like he swears a lot, both in english and nepali. You'd unawarely pick up a few of them because of him. He would feel surprised that you paid so much attention to him you even managed to memorize a few words in a foreign language.

-He'd teach you a few sentences in nepali if you'd ask.

☆ ☆ ☆

This took longer than expected to. The way i had to post this once again because of a certain issue. Ijbol... i'm kind of intimidated by this fandom. By the way if anyone's reading this i'd love to do William headcanons next omg

#idv #identity v #naib subedar #naib idv #idv hcs #idv headcanons #idv naib subedar #naib subedar hcs #naib subedar x reader

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