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shoppingcartshells · 9 months

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I’ve been really enjoying the turtle fic, violence and pizza to me is one of the fics that is essential to my personal enjoyment of the rise turtles, so thank you for bringing it into existence :D

I’m still really interested in your interpretation of the way the Hamato Ninpō works, would you mind going more in depth on your thoughts on it?

ohohoh....hamato ninpo... fuckk . chews on an ikea establishment IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!

for starters, i suppose, i LOVE writing it as not just "thing that gives them powers" but "thing that is also Them and they just have powers" if that makes any sense? bc the hamato ninpo, in essence, is connection to their family. it IS their love and care for each other, and that Connection is intrinsically tied to it — its how they got their ninpo, and its how they broke their ninpos free in the movie. they were connected, and they were there together, facing off their greatest enemy yet.

and, as such, i build off of this Connection and Them-ness to sort of make it an empathy link? because their ninpos are THEM. its their soul, which grants them their inherent powers, guided by their Connection with each other. their own ninpo is Themselves. as such, when there is that Connection, it carries with them emotions. its just a natural result of how it works; they feel, and they are connected, so they feel each other.

their ninpos are also not just their soul, but also sort of an aura? its the most noticeable with mikey, especially in the future timeline where hes the most powerful, but they have the ability to affect the real world around them beyond just using their powers—easiest seen in the way that spaces they linger in have a sort of lingering Scent that they were there. again, their ninpos are Themselves, and as such where they go, their ninpo goes. meaning that emotions will linger too with the traces of their ninpo—but not in the exact sense like their true ninpo, but rather a general presence of their most common emotion.

for example:

mikey loves his family. he is Very powerful, to degrees he isnt quite aware of. as such, the whole lair has a passive feeling of love, because when hes home, mikey, happy or sad, loves his family. and he feels safe when hes home, because he knows theyll protect him, and he knows that He will protect them

donnie also loves his family. donnie typical loving his family So Much. meaning, when hes in his lab, oftentimes hes working on something to protect them (especially after the shredder and then kraany fiascos). as such, when in his lab, his siblings can expect to feel that passive feeling of protection and love

much like mikey and donnie, raph loves his family, and he wants to keep them safe. as such the training room room carries that feeling of protection and love and saftey. are you sensing a theme here yet?

and leo... hehe... well, in tqiv&taip, he hasnt been all that present, so its not particularly relevant... but id imagine that, if one were to crawl into his bed and really focus, there would be a lot of anxiety, stress, and Upset :)

following the theme, i imagine post invasion the lair was just Filled with upset. its like being an empathetic crier but Worse

all that to say, it is VERY tied to their emotions. that was why leos speech WORKRD to burn off the kraang infection

jumping off of that in a very smooth segue yep, THEIR WEAPONS!! ohh their weapons...

theres always that saying that your weapon is an extension of yourself, and in this case it is Extremely literal.

the weapons arent their own beings, of course, but theyre sort of like a clone of their souls in a way. its still them just separate—their subconscious made tangible. (mystic weapons make a sort of bond similarly to how the turtles feel, but it is nowhere near as intimate compared to the fucking hamato ninpo).

and!! since ive sort of run out of things to say: some exclusive insight to our favorite blue silly :)

we all remember how leo struggled with portals? well, in this AU, thats because the mystic weapons that they had were catalysts, not their own full, separate things—if they had been fully fledged weapons with their powers, it would have been much like having to tame a wolf. because the weapons would have been their own type of subconscious, separate from both creator and user.

all that to say: because their weapons were essentially placeholders for the onces they create with their ninpo, the reason leo struggled in this au wasnt Just the inherent difficulty of trying to figure out how portals work, but because of his insecurity. he was struggling, and it Showed—and the more he struggled to fix it, the more insecure hed feel, and, well.... something something leos vicious cycle

(ALSO why his ninpo is so Distant now. because he feels, both consciously like he deserves to be disconnected and he IS disconnected from his family because he isnt talking to them and it shows. so in one way, hes consciously pulling away, but its also subconsciously.

and, those feelings could be made worse by the fact that one of his swords is still in the prison dimension—a piece of himself, lost, that he'll never get back.)

#bonbon-lover #ask #tqiv&taip #rottmnt #thank you for coming to my ted talk #i LOVEEE MAKING SHIT UP!! ABOUT THE HAMATO NINPO!! RAHHH!!!#also dont tell anyone but i have a whole arc about their ninpo planned hehe #but thats towards what i have planned for the End of the fic so its a bit of a ways away lol #also im very glad you enjoy the fic hehe <33

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woodchipp · 5 months

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seems like I'll have to try and dissect Omocat's motivational speech myself because clearly no one seems to believe the people who actually worked with her for some reason

here goes nothing

"In a sense, [burn out] makes you lazy and unproductive."

IMO, starting off your Motivational™ speech by falsely equating burn out with being lazy is quite the huge red flag.

"I can vouch that you are all, for the most part, nice people."

Note the unusually passive-aggressive "for the most part".

"If you find yourself not being able to focus or that your productivity is getting really slow, it's probably time to take a break."

Which is why you suddenly became "uncomfortable" with the prospect of having to pay MelonKid royalities four days before the game's launch after they have overworked themselves to get your game out and took a break.

Makes sense.

By the way, how do people explain this, then?

"Things like working quickly and efficiently are like. What you're supposed to do."

idk about people who side with Omocat but to me, it seems that overworking themselves is what Omocat expects of her employees. and to me, that seems kinda shitty

"Instead of thinking of things that I should have or deserve, think of all the things you already have."

This is quite literally Cartoon Evil Corporation-tier rhetoric. bruh

"Think of deadlines as a demon you have to continually give nourishment and sacrifice to or else it will destroy our game. And every time you work on the game, finish something, you're saying fuck you to that demon."

What in the actual fuck are you talking about. Is that supposed to be motivational?

Also... how is giving this hypothetical "demon" nourishment saying "fuck you" to it? what a brilliant metaphor

"Something you can all use is I get to work with my friends on a video game, which I think is pretty cool."

girl these are not your friends you're discussing headcanons about your favorite fictional characters with in the wee hours of the night. these are your employees, and I think there's a pretty big difference between the two. the fact that some of them may have a certain amount of passion for the work they're helping to shape is undeniable, but I'd also wager that your employees expect to be compensated for their work. they're not doing all that shit for high-fives and pats on the back from you

and given that a member of the dev team who sided with Omocat was apparently perfectly willing to call MelonKid, allegedly one of their own "friends", a "demon", I have to question just how "friendly" the dev teem actually was with each other

"I believe that this game has to be potential to be something really great. And new, and fresh, and even classic."

Black Space is Yume Nikki with the serial numbers filed off. The entire plot twist is Silent Hill 2 with the serial numbers filed off. There are multiple indie RPGs that have executed the plot beats (and, in some cases, the general premise) OMORI features way better than OMORI itself did.

With all due respect, your game ain't shit.

"You are here and you believe in OMORI, a game that is full of thoughtfulness and meaning for its creators and for its audience."

1) Ah yes, isn't trivializing the act of suicide into a gameplay mechanic (that is required for progression) and setting the main protagonist's final suicide in the bad ending to a pop song just so Thoughtful™ and Meaningful™? Fuck off

2) Whether your work is actually thoughtful and meaningful isn't really up to you. You don't get to decide how your audience reacts to your work.

#omori #omori game #omocat #idc if you call me unemployable or whatever lmao I wouldn't want to work with someone like omocat anyway

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gurggggleburgle · 1 year

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Hi allow me to give another unhinged headcannon about pidw meta if it existed.

Ahem* if there were any gay✌ 'ships'✌ in the PIDW fandom they would be ugly bastard doujins in a similar vain of those few breath of the wild or SAO doujin ect where Bingge my boy gets topped among many other things (if you know you know) or people would 'ship' (saying ship feels wrong but it's the closest available word i have. the nature of fandoms for things like what PIDW would be irl doesn't really ship in the manner that tumblr users tend to think. It's more like they have abstracted an extra step away from the source material and the characters are exceedingly there to exist as dolls. We do this in our everyday fandom interacts but I notice in these spaces it never really feels like a connection to the character beyond vague surface traits and tends to focus more on physical body types and character archetypes. But with this in mind when it comes to shipping it means nobody is using Luo Binghe as a character just as a surrogate for themselves with the waifu they've chosen that week.) Mobei-Jun because he's the only actual male in the series with any credible screen time and even then it's like one of them gets turned into a girl or drawn overly feminine and girly because the primary straight cis male audience of a book like this isn't ready to ask that question about themselves yet. That or its futa stuff with a preestablished wife but there is a fair chance he's still topping.

Basically what I'm saying is if there are any Shen Qingqui and Bingge things that would exist they'd be like... Dead dove do not eat. Either some shen jiu shouting some phrases that only exist in hentai related to dicky wicky and being objects of sex (again if you know ya know). Or you may get the rarest of all a dark introspection sfw one that likely was written by one of the 2 existing hardcore female fans.

This my long winded way of saying while i enjoy the jokes in fanfic that Shen Yuan has read PIDW fanfic and knows there is BL shippers it would be even funnier for him to complain about the fact that anyone writes Bingge getting topped content at all (there is a favorite he's not admitting it). Or that people ship Mobei-Jun and Bingge. As that's ridiculous and doesn't make sense. They're just BROS bro. God don't make it gay.

Or, and I do think this is the funniest one, nobody is writing deep introspective fanfic or making comics about Bingge's emotional needs and is focused on the sex. Man is mad the mostly cis heterosexual (and probably incel laden) audience is too busy focused on the porn to think of the protagonists emotional needs. Or even just art of this broken man.

All of them losers focused solely on them tiddies while Shen Yuan is over here asking the real questions. The fanbase is busy making content meant to cater to their specific wants and fetishes with one guy in particular who just shows up all the time asking for such a niche thing. Enough that it's almost a meme. And they are all clowning on the guy who's claiming to hate the novel and asks them to take the book seriously.

also there is no way he would not review all of the fan content he stumbled on in great anti fashion. And getting a positive-ish comment from cucumber is actually considered by fandom a mark of shame. I just don't think the internet could resist clowning on this man further by not treating a cucumber approved work as a meme joke of shame.

#svsss meta #svsss #scum villain self saving system #shen yuan #sqq #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #scumbag system #pidw #luo bingge #i feel the most interesting thing about the meta narrative around pidw is how specifically male and toxic it would #by the nature of the book it just wouldn't cultivate a fanbase largely focused on that element #most people are probably there for the collecting women like pokemon because introspection on the power fantasy #is not a thing they are ready for

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galarfiend · 1 year

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Homie, if you have your basic premise for your Chosen AU, I would love to read it!!

I will take crumbs and suck it up like an overpriced vacuum(/lh, /hj)

thank u!!!!!!! oooh so i dont have much in the ways of plot figured out, but the main focus is definitely the galar kids because they’re my favorites ksjdksj.

i have something of a magic/weapons system figured out at least- something between a magical girl anime and the infernal arms in hades. in terms of that, for some reason im thinking of it from like a video game moveset perspective

the chosens (they’re technically gonna be called paladins in my au but eh i dont wanna figure that all out rn) all have weapons that correspond to their choosers and their own traits. special moves/status effects usually copy the powers of the chooser, and then the type of weapon itself will have more to do with the chosen.

then of course its not just weapons, the chosens also get some powers on their own and little physical changes. e.g.: hop (zacian’s chosen) gets sharp teeth and grows super tall, serena (xerneas) makes plants grow where she steps and has antlers, calem’s (yveltal) blood is poisonous and , barry (palkia) can put things and himself in his own pocket dimension, etc.

AND THEN HERES WHERE I HAD MY LITTLE STROKE OF GENIUS i made the chosen weapons work like infernal arms, where each chosen wielder of the chooser’s weapon has their own Aspect of it that can be channeled by other chosens via a waking phrase. these phrases know no bounds from time or space, and chosens from the future can be channeled by chosens from the past and vice versa. They can activate each other’s aspects in order to speak with each other.

my main examples that i have all figured out are Hop and Gloria channeling the original kings. they hold a very confused conversation and then they tell their tips for using each other’s aspect, as well as giving each other their best life advice

and (pre-game) Volo channeling (post-pla) Dawn’s aspect: they get into a screaming match and are of little help to each other. however, Dawn yells “FUCK YOU IM COMING TO STOP YOU MYSELF” and then her past self appears in hisui the next week. its all very trippy for Volo and giratina won’t stop laughing at him.

also some of the legendaries can disguise themselves as things other than their True Forms when they need to (i.e.: common pokemon or humans) Though Zacian, Zamazenta, and the Galarian Birds do mostly speak Old English and Professor Magnolia has to translate. She’s ecstatic her fluency finally gets to come in handy, though. Calyrex is the only one who can speak perfect english, but a drawback is that he can’t take any form other than slight variations of his True one (floating rabbit/rabbit riding a honse)

I also think the Kalos legends mostly speak in Old French as well, and there are a lot of calls to AZ to translate for them

And also the ultra recon squad members are all chosens of Ultra Beasts, but the ultra beasts don’t have as much power or sway over anything so they kind of just supply reasonably strong powerups to the company-issued weapons + companionship from a cool pokemon

aaaand thats all i can think of rn! if i come up with more/figure out the plot beyond what’s just swimming around my head rn, i’ll post it- knowing me it’ll probably be concept art or a joke comic teehee

#mailbox #chosen au #legendary paladins au #sorry bout all the parentheses. all my statements come with additional commentsry #i think im probably going to write/draw and post my concepts for all of the chosens being chosen and getting used to their powers #i have the outline and first halfpage of a fic where hop is officially chosen at 16 and has to deal with that

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thetaekookcloset · 2 years

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I love reading your love. Can you suggest other blogs, youtube, Twitter, any source who analyse and write opinion pieces on taekook?

I will be thankful:)

Thank you so much!

As far as blogs go, you probably know the same ones I do. The two TK blogs I keep up with regularly are @taekookgotjamz and @alottamoney. I think they both have well-reasoned takes and I enjoy reading their stuff!

I’m not on Twitter much because that place is a hellscape. I mostly just check out the posts it recommends to me, so I don’t really have specific accounts I go to for TK stuff, with the exception of sometimes checking TheTKGlobal for updates. I feel like they’re reliable to get a sense of what’s going on: they’re quick and thorough, keep to the facts, and if they make a mistake on something, they correct themselves.

YouTube is actually where I get most of my news, updates, and general content. There’s a lot of fluff to sift through that’s mostly nonsense, but it’s also the place I’ve found that has the best stuff all together too, once you find it. Here are a few of my favorite accounts:

Peachlesslyyy - May has a great mix of fun compilations and analysis, all of which I find to be pretty well-reasoned. She doesn’t over-analyze or exaggerate, and her compilations speak for themselves. She has a really genuine love for Taekook which comes through in all her content, and her timeline and translation work is really informative. I especially recommend her video “Taekook Being Uncomfortable With Each Other for 14 Minutes” and also “Taekook Videos that Make Me Happy” but really all of them are well worth a watch.

Me, Myself, and BTS - Lucy’s channel is also, like, invaluable. She does translations of V Lives and themed compilations, like compilations of Taekook with different members, moments it’s easy to miss from official content like In the Soop, and different ways TK show their affection for each other. I love this channel and I watch everything she puts out.

Taeggukstime - This channel doesn’t have very many videos, but the ones that are there are super interesting and informative. A lot of it is theorizing, so watch it and make your own opinions, but in particular the video on the 2018 disbandment talks, with a focus on Taekook, is fantastic. It really just presents all of the information with its context and lets you draw your own conclusions.

bluebelly taekook - This is another channel with just a few videos, but I think their “Guide to Taekook” video is so much fun. It does a good job of pretty succinctly showing what makes TK different, but it’s also really funny and cute. I’ve watched it more than once just for the dopamine.

Imagine Us - This channel has a lot of really good, but also fun, content. There are some good compilations, but what makes this one special is that there are specific videos addressing a lot of things that come up in TK spaces often: what makes them different, what is there to TK beyond skinship, their chemistry, that sort of thing.

Those are probably the biggest ones for me, the accounts I return to over and over again. Of course there’s also ansitless for some classic TK analysis, and lately I’ve been on KookV a lot. I don’t agree with all of the points made on that one, but it’s quick with updates and responses to things, and for the most part, I think the person running it is reasonable and not inclined to exaggerate things.

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to peruse, and thank you again for your kind words!

#ask #taekook

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avissapiens · 3 years

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Avis' Subject Symposium

A Crash Course in Trance Pt 1: Files.

(Art by Acro @sodalite96/https://twitter.com/sodalite96 Used with their permission. Go check them out!)

So often new subjects come to me and they don’t know the first thing about trance. None of its mechanics or methods, and so it can be very daunting for them; to step into such a wide abyss without knowing what to expect and what is expected of you. Many of them, even experienced subjects, expect that 100% of the work is and should be done by the Hypnotist. In truth both parties, the hypnotist and the subject, must be willing and able. But while it’s more readily apparent what must be done in order for a tist to be successful in their endeavors, many subjects/potential subjects can have a hard time understanding what it takes to get the most out of their trance, both from pre-recorded files, and from live sessions with a hypnotist. So, I’m here to give you what is in my opinion, the essential Crash Course to Trance, starting first with trancing to files.

Location

Find yourself somewhere nice, darkened and quiet, where you know you won’t be disturbed. This is already a hard task for a lot of subjects, living with other people always increases the chance that one might barge in on you, eyes glazed over, drooling all over yourself. Or that someone’s reckless pounding from above might shake the abyss so thoroughly that it takes you out of trance. But here is the thing I will stress. While physical quiet is a good idea as it allows you to focus on the words and suggestions streaming into your head. What matters so much more is internal peace and quiet. A location where you can feel at ease and safe and secure in yourself. A locked bedroom surrounded by mountains of pillows. Your favorite plush armchair that threatens to swallow you almost as well as the Abyss of Trance. The peaceful morning route on the train whose path you know so well that you can be lulled into trance just by the rumbling vibrations of the tracks beneath your seat. Wherever you can be comfortable.

The ideal location for trance I'm sure does exist in some government facility or therapists office somewhere, where you can be dropped into an isolation tank and be brainwashed clean. But most of us will never encounter that. So what matters then is the ideal mindset for trance, which is one of peace, safety, trust and assurance.

Equipment

This is one of the reasons so many love using files. Because its barrier to entry is so low. All you really need is something to play the file on and a place to listen. This is in contrast to working directly with a tist where you need, at the very least, A good internet connection, maybe a camera, Another person who you trust and who might be wildly inconsistent. Or working in person which probably will require a whole location and time-table to get set up. No, Files are relatively simple and they are no better or worse than live sessions for certain purposes. However, like all simple things, they can be elevated by improving its ingredients. A box cake from the store and a home-made chiffon are functionally the same, but their difference comes in the ingredients and technique.

So for trance I recommend spoiling yourself a little, at the very least buy yourself some decent quality over-ear headphones. Many file-makers (myself included) add frequencies and binaural beats underneath the main track. These serve the purpose of training your own brain’s waveforms to a certain frequency, thus more easily taking you into trance. But they can only be detected and properly registered with some good headphones. Additionally, The encapsulation of headphones provides a more immersive experience, isolating you and transporting you through the trance experience like you are in your own little world. Trust me. $600 studio headphones aren’t needed, But a good quality wired $40 headset goes a long way and is multi-purpose. A decent quality chair or mattress also will serve you well, not just in trance but in life.

Focus

Trance is a very tricky state that, like all things, requires practice and patience to master. Staying in trance is like a tightrope walk, teetering gently between the realm of consciousness and awareness, and the oblivion of total subconscious and sleep. It is the liminal space between the two, that subconscious space that makes trance and hypnosis possible. It is the state where your mind is most open to total suggestion and where magical things can happen. So how does one walk the line between these two modes of being? The answer is focus. Or rather Half-focus. Focusing without focusing. With descriptions like that it can sound like some kind of Zen riddle, but that is often what it feels like sometimes. Now this is not a laser focus like you would expect in a classroom setting, no one is being tested here. It's a more gentle and subtle focus. Like focusing on the world around you. Focusing on the wind on your face, the rise and fall of your lungs; On the way your body just goes loose and slumps over. The trick is to go in and to follow along, to listen and pay attention and try to comply with the suggestions given at first. Suspend your disbelief and engage with it unironically and without pretense. If you notice yourself drifting, don’t try to force it back to focus. Simply let it explore where it wants and to carry on organically. Nothing in trance needs to be forced. Simply focused on and allowed to happen.

Many subs oscillate in trance, their minds ebbing and flowing like a Sine wave; wavering in and out of trance, one minute aware, the next minute completely blank and asleep, and then for a brief moment in bliss. But it averages out to trance at the end of it. One must also not fear dropping out of trance. Focusing too much on that eventuality makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Just Focus-not-focus-half-focus and enjoy yourself.

Apprehension

So many subjects look at files and their mind begins to spin with endless questions and anxieties. Worries about “losing themselves” or “changing too much” or “doing things they don’t want to do.” It’s a valid set of concerns for a new subject, uninitiated in the true mechanics of trance and only knowing of hypnosis what is shown in the media. Evil villains and monsters brainwashing our heroes to do horribly enticing and arousing things. So ingrained is this idea that it even crossed over into the allure of hypnosis files. And while I won’t say it's impossible for that to happen, I have 3 comments on it to ease your mind. First, with Files, one of the best things about it is that the subject gets to control practically every single aspect of the experience. When you do it, how many times you listen, and whether you listen at all to begin with. While all files should be clearly labelled with Content and trigger warnings and given an explicit summary of what they are and what they do, we know that is not the case. The amount of “Mystery files” I've seen on various forums irks me to no end. But it appeals to some people. However, for those who are not particularly fond of surprises you have the absolute power to review the file before you trance to it. You can give it a fully aware walk through, or just jump through segments to look for anything that doesn’t suit your taste.

Once you’ve done that however you might still be conflicted about some content. Not openly averse to it, but unsure. Dumbing down and IQ reduction are probably number one on this list. People are so terrified of somehow losing everything when they learn to stop overthinking things. For these concerns my second point suggests Introspection. Ask yourself “Why do I/Don’t I want this?” “Is it really as bad as my anxiety is making it out to be?” Because if you like something a lot, and really want it, then why should you deny yourself it out of fear? Even aside from dumbing, many desires are tinged with this air of guilt or fear. Terrified to acknowledge or grab hold of what we truly want and own up to it. In my estimation Hypnosis can be one of the best ways of dabbling with those desires because in trance there is no shame or judgement. Finally, my 3rd point says you don’t have to worry. If you really don’t like a suggestion you can always leave it behind. Your mind has built in fail-safes to reject suggestions you haven’t agreed to. A file cannot make you do something unless you want it, at least subconsciously. The old cliche goes “All Hypnosis is Self-Hypnosis” and what that fundamentally means is that as a subject you are the one who decides what happens. You consent and go along with things and allow them to happen to you. It is your desire, your focus, your arousal and your own subconscious that allows hypnosis to work. Subjects have more power than they know. I really hope it assists some people in vibing better with trance and files. I’ll be putting out another version for Live hypnotists later this month.

Thanks again to Acro for letting me use their Art, definitely go and support them on twitter. And If you want to support the creation of more hypnotic experiences that might help you practice that balance of focus then you can do so by subscribing to my Patreon, or to my Youtube channel. And if you want to interact more closely with me and my supportive community you can join my Discord server.

#Hypnosis #trance #gay hypnosis #brainwashing #caption #hypnotized #hypnokink

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matthewbeilschmidts · 3 years

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It’s been a long while since I’ve posted but I’m so glad that I am :’)

This is for Day 1: of @prucanweek - Ordinary

Apologies for spelling errors, it’s a little short but I hope you enjoy 😭💞

Matthew doesn’t mind that he’s living an ordinary life. Really.

He grows up near the coast, two parents, a fraternal twin brother, and their gangly hairless cat, Tony (picked curtesy of Alfred). Their parents take them everywhere they can during their childhood, the beach, museums, sports game. They focus on their interests, figuring out what the two like and dislike, as they encourage them both to be themselves and do what they love no matter what. Alfred debates between whether he likes wrestling or football more, while Matthew settles into hockey. In between family get togethers, community festivals, and endless sports training, they somehow have time for homework. (The two share answers a lot.)

He and Alfred each have their own rooms when they enter their teen years, a space to decorate and fill with their own mementos and awards. The sports continue, but later their parents find themselves a little bit busier than before. They do though, give them as much time as they can during the school year, never wanting them to go without someone by their side.

Matthew fades into the background a little bit as they get older, while Alfred puts himself front and center. Matthew watches once with a hand over his eyes as Alfred auditions for the school musical, and surprisingly he read and sings the lines well. “It’s always the rowdy ones!” their theater teachers says after he’s finished performing, a mix of anticipation from planning on putting Alfred on stage and dread at the thought of having to manage him.

Matthew silently supports him, after all he has his own things to do.

He’s the co-caption of the hockey team, the coach giving him the position to give him a little more of a voice, and his teammates verbally agree, considering on the ice Matthew has a lot more to show than he does in person. He accepts, albeit hesitantly.

By the time graduation comes by, Matthew can barely believe how the time has passed. His team even wins a championship under his watch. Some of his fellow classmates look so ready to go out and experience the world, and it’s scary to him because weren’t they all going at the same pace?

His parents talk him through picking his college of choice, and he decides to go. He needs to do what everyone does and experience the world.

And if he decides he wants to come home, that’s okay because at least he tries.

He’s in his first art class during his third year at university. The time has been going well, he’s got pretty decent grades and has managed to join a few clubs. But he’s not done yet. Extra curriculars, can’t finish without them. He prioritizes his general education first, and even slips himself into a few major classes early on, but humanities is on record now and has to be completed no matter what one’s studying.

He can get through one semester, he hopes.

Next to him, a student is snickering and the professor doesn’t look amused.

“Gilbert.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“If you’re done, I can introduce myself now.”

The professor goes in with complete, in-depth introductory slides with her name and credentials, and a briefing of all they will overcome this semester.

He’s never been an artist, at least not one that picks up a pencil and creates a realistic masterpiece with nothing but that and a pad of paper. Maybe some poetry contests in high school, if that counts. The written word has its own impact, its own set of colors to breathe out for the world to see.

There’s another snicker, interrupting his internal monologue.

He doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t know the student, and it’s not his place to control others. But, if it starts to hinder the class, maybe he’ll tell him something. He’s paying to be there, too.

The man catches him staring.

“Yes?” he asks Matthew without being spoken to in the first place.

“Oh,” Matthew flushes at being caught, not that he was trying to hide it anyway. “Well, she didn’t say anything funny?”

The guys waves a hand, making a “psssh” noise as he does.

“I’m just laughing because of how formal this all is. She won’t be this dignified later in the semester that’s for sure. She’ll be ripping her hair out.”

Matthew glances back, he doesn’t want to say anyone looks mean but, he would believe it if she was.

“You look scared,” the guy laughs, which is rude because isn’t he the one that just put the thought in Matthew’s mind? “She’s not too mean just a sticker to the rules. Will get real pissy if something doesn’t go right.”

“And you still set her off knowing that?”

The man laughs again, but this time around he’s actually trying to contain it behind the thin art easel. He’s not very hidden.

“She’s my cousin’s wife.”

Ah, that makes sense then? Messing with family is normal, but also he shouldn’t be bothering her at work.

“It’s no wonder you seemed casual.”

“She taught both of the lower division figure drawing classes, too. This is my third semester in her class. She’s the only one teaching this specific class I didn’t have too much of a choice.”

“Art major?”

“Yep! And you?”

“Psychology major. I have to get in some cultural classes.”

“Ever taken art?”

“Actually no, not even in high school. I got through that stuff by working backstage in the theater department.”

“Well not to worry my friend, because you picked the best one.”

“Is it easy to pass?”

“Nope. Well, maybe if she likes your work,” Matthew deflates at the blunt response, “but don’t worry because I’m here to be your guide.”

Matthew perks up, but it takes him a moment. This guy’s gonna help him?

“Are you any good?”

“Am I good?” He looks perplexed Matthew would even ask. Matthew has to cover his own amusement. “I may not look it but charcoal and I go way back. I’ll show you my work later as proof.”

“Deal.”

“Gilbert, since you’re adamant on talking, you can be the first to introduce yourself.”

Even if his name wasn’t said, Matthew feels just as guilty. Caught, for talking on the first day of all things.

“Gilbert Beilshcmidt. Fourth year. I’m an art major and my favorite breakfast food is pancakes.”

Matthew looks surprised that he was paying attention, even to the last addition of their introduction. Matthew’s not sure he would have known considering he was distracted.

And so their friendship starts.

Gilbert sits next to him again. And again.

Where ever Matthew sits in the art room, Gilbert follows not too long after.

Some days they take the sitting desks, some they stand and lean against the stools.

And despite not even talking much, Gilbert treats him like a friend.

“Do you have any plans this afternoon?”

“Nope, this was my last class.”

“Do you want to get some coffee and work on our sketch books.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Matthew finds himself meeting Gilbert in his downtime. Every Thursday after drawing for three hours becomes the day they meet. At first, all they do is draw, little more.

Gilbert is animated in all moments, but he has short spurts where he focuses exceptionally on his work. Matthew is no art critic, but he thinks Gilbert expresses himself quite well on paper. Graphite, charcoal, and pastels, all the utensils glide easily without a single stroke missing its mark.

Watercolor though, could use some work, which actually happens to be Matthew’s favorite. Even if the intention is to guide the colors with a brush, it’s okay for them to take a life of their own spreading across the thick paper.

They share snacks, art supplies, and their time.

Gilbert proves himself very useful as he promised. Matthew though never planning to be the next Van Gogh, has to pass this class. And it would be nice to pass it with flying colors, but some concepts are harder to grasp than others.

It’s obvious to tell he’s a beginner, while Gilbert excels. Matthew finds out he only now needs the intro class since it’s the first semester it became a requirement.

Gilbert helps him find the shapes he’s comfortable with, explains the processing for hatching and how it relates to shading. And while he’s no expert, he sees a subtle improvement over the next few weeks that makes some pride swell within himself.

“Do you want to come with me and my friends to this cool bar for dinner on Friday?” Gilbert asks about a month into the semester.

It’s the first time Gilbert and him will have spent time off campus.

“Yeah, I’d love to.”

Gilbert’s friends are just as animated as he, it’s almost hard to keep up. Overwhelming as they are, they’re extremely welcoming. Matthew eases into the atmosphere, joining in when he can but mostly pleased to be out and doing something different.

He’s made friends during his time, but like him they’re a little more reserved and pick quieter places on the town.

It’s fun. And he wants to go out again.

Matthew invites Gilbert and his friends to watch his next hockey game.

After their shock in finding out he plays such a violent sport, they’re all agreeing and planning to find the best seats in the arena.

“Are you serious. Are you hiding muscles under that red sweater?”

Gilbert pokes at him, it tickles when he gets closer to his biceps, but he knows he’s only teasing.

“You think I’m playing but I’m serious! You should have been there, well you were there. On the stands, I mean. We all screamed after you sent that player flying against the wall.”

Gilbert recreates the motions, but only slams himself into the wall and whines after he bounces back. He then plays it off like it doesn’t hurt. Gilbert’s not a very good actor.

People tell him it’s so much different watching him on the ice, but it’s still him. He’s always wondered how much different, he feels like himself. He just knows he goes into the zone when he’s in his gear. He just wants to win. And he will.

“It’s like night day,” Gilbert continues. “You were ready to kill a man down there.”

“You’re not the first to say that. I guess maybe, I could be a little more out there in real life, huh?”

Gilbert stops walking.

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“You’re perfectly fine the way you are. I like the way you are, so don’t go change. I don’t want to be at risk of dying during art class.”

And as silly as it sounds, he’s pleased. He likes Gilbert a whole lot, too. Just the way he is.

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” Matthew takes the initiative.

“Dinner?”

“Yeah, just you and me. I want to take you out.”

“Like you did to that guy on the court,” Gilbert laughs nervously.

“On a date. Gilbert, would you like go out with me?”

He says yes.

Later that evening when he’s heading home, Gilbert starts running through the courtyard cheering that “I have a date with the cutest guy I’ve ever met!”

Matthew’s window is open, he’s face is bright red and he slams head first into his pillow. He needs to plan the best first date ever.

Three months into dating, he’s finally heading home again for a school break. He wants to take Gilbert with him, who is waiting for the next major holiday to go back home. But isn’t it too soon? They haven’t been dating that long, after all.

But Gilbert surprises him, and jokingly says he wants to go with him because he’ll miss him too much while he’s gone. And then, Matthew asks if he seriously wants to go.

“I do.”

So they ride the 3 hours train down to Matthew’s childhood home. He’s a little bit nervous, because he’s had dates to school dances, and brought friends over, but this is entirely different. This is someone he wants to take a serious step with, even if the time hasn’t been that long. They’ll never get anywhere if they don’t, so they’ll both take the leap and pray it works out.

“Mom, dad, Alfred, this is Gilbert.”

It’s the most timid Matthew’s ever seen him.

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Matthew’s boyfriend.”

After he shakes all their hands, he takes his hand back to link pinkies with Matthew.

There’s not an once of regret in his mind as the long weekend passes.

Gilbert graduates the next year, and the year after it’s his turn. They’re going to move in with each other. Gilbert really has no irresistible urge to go back to his home town, satisfied with just visiting a few times a year. And Matthew thinks he would like to go back closer, just to figure out his next move. So, they go together.

It’s only a one bedroom, but is more than enough space for them both. Gilbert finds work as a docent while Matthew works for a second degree in education.

He still plays hockey for a local league, Gilbert becoming their number one fan. They find their own rhythm, a pace that works for them both, where they can settle down or speed up when they agree with each other. Dewey mornings, warm summers, chilly evenings they spend them altogether.

They decide move up North closer to Gilbert’s hometown. Matthew’s more nervous meeting his grandparents than he was introducing Gilbert to his own family, but Gilbert assures him again and again they’re just a stuffy old family who actually really care about each other a lot more than they let off.

Gilbert’s grandfather towers over him, despite being a hair above 6 feet. He’s silent, eyes boring into Matthew as he introduces himself. And to end all of Matthew’s worries, the elder man pulls Matthew into a hug and tells him he’s glad him and Gilbert are home. Gilbert, just as perplexed as he, stares, but he melts into a pleased laugh.

Yeah, this is his and Gilbert’s home now.

They stay, for a long while, contemplate moving a few times, but they’re satisfied for now.

Gilbert and him always make time for each other, continue their own respective interests with complete support of the other. They’re never afraid to complain, because they always work through it rather then let it simmer.

Gilbert’s vivacious spirit keep them going, and Matthew’s heart keeps them grounded.

His life at first seem a little bit ordinary, but how can he complain when the pieces of the puzzle fit themselves in and stayed locked in tight.

#hetalia #prucan #prucanweek #APH Prussia #APH Canada #.txt post #I forgot all my writing tags #will fix later HAHA

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everythingthemoontouches · 3 years

Note

Hiii Jahn!🌙 I’m just a new follower. I discovered you while searching for D9 asks. I was amazed by your in-depth explanation on each placements. 🤍 I’d like to send in my D1 & D9 charts also for future spouse reading to understand more about it.Thank you so much!!🤍 Please take your time. I’ll patiently wait. 💕 Hoping you’ll have a lovely day/night! 🌹

Hello there

This, my love has been a longtime coming. First off I'm gonna introduce you to an intuitive read and then present it in a more formal, bulleted manner. You seem to ha e chosen quite a challenging path in this lifetime. Props to you for bravery. And a hug + some tea to help you brave it 💕 your life could be a beautiful movie on love, healing, growth, spirituality and personal power.

Future BAE seems to be stable, practical reliable with service being his love language. He is down to grow together, and help you walk in your power.

Taurus rising.

Scorpio 7th house. + Pluto + moon.

Wow. Lots of shadow work involved when it comes to close personal relationships. You need to turn that critical eye inwards.

Untill you work at managing or integrating your inner child issues, any partners you end up with will continue to trigger you. At its best, this is someone who helps you work through your feelings. Breakdown. Confront reality. Breakdown and rebuild yourself stringer than ever. A hades and persephone kind of love. Lots of sexual allure. Strength, protectiveness, passion, push and pull, makeup sex? Specially since the ruler of the 7th house (Mars) is in the 5th house. You're not the kinda person who'd be happy to marry just for stability. Passion and mutual attraction, love is a must.

Mars and rahu. Service. Over exerting for those you love. Days spent in bed. Service kink. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.

You're definitely attracted to people who help you better your place in the world. They have to have a little bit of ' I wanna do good / change the world in them'. A friendly leader kinda figure. Disciplined.

Your darakarka Mars is retrograde. Controlling. Dominant. Future BAE is definitely gonna overthink themselves into a worry when it comes to dating and wooing. Or they could think that only their way is the right / best way to do soemthing. Poor lil baby( I say baby, but as a Virgo Mars they're probably the person who takes charge, plans, overanalyzes things has a set way of doing things.) this could be someone who is an advocate for universal free education, teaches children for free or some such. Could second guess themselves when it comes to taking action.

Mars Rahu conjunction: sub kink. They'd want a lot of adulation. Could be from a different culture from you or have studied in a very different environment.

I think your fs gets better at dealing with overthinking after you guys tie the knot. They learn to be more at peace with themself, letting their intuition guide them instead of focusing too hard on trying to do the logical thing. Okay with being messy. May like to act and arrange things behind the scenes. Imagine coming home tired to find that they've already called the restaurant, arranged for your favorite food to be dropped off, warmed, alid out on the table. Gives me the vibes of a puppeteer(katputli - a rajasthani folk dance)pulling the strings. You can't see them, but the show goes on.

From being ficusssed on accumulating wealth your focus goes towards doing things that boost your sense of Self confidence. You could also grow more tactful as you learnt to seek out harmony. You probably become more direct and assertive as a result the peopep you attract are more easy going / Libra like.

I'm seeing a house for a wedding present? Or moving into your spouse's ancestral home. They could also come from a matrilineal lineage.

Your household could be supported by one or both of you working in tax, insurance, financial industries. There could also be soemthing related to life insurance.

Pluto and Saturn in the 7th is a tad concerning. There's a very heavy sense of some kind of karmic duty. Saturn is exalted in Libra.

Way too controlling. Narcissism. Moon Mars mother. Karmic ties. Moon 8th house.

U must learn to stand up for yourself.

If you're meant to have any babies in this lifetime, they'd probably visit you in a dream or a psychic trance before they come down to earth. Call it mothers intuition. This is just a gut feeling wrt your moon in 8th house in Scorpio in the D9. I say this because the moon rules the 4th house of home, and children are an important part of the house if you're a mom. The 4th house is also the home/ heartland what you'd protect.

You suppress your emotions. Emerges as a volcano. But a cold one. U turn to ice and grow aloof.

Out of body experiences

You need to learn to be more dominant and combative. I'd suggest watching the teal Swans video on creating a zero sum game in relationships. Strengthened by Aries ascendant in d 9. This life u gotta learn to fight for yourself, and not sit quietly because people attacked u or kept u under their thumb when u were younger by a strict dad.

OK, now let's look at the placements and aspects

D1 lagna (ascendant) VS D9 lagna

You go from comfort stability minded to taking more risks and initiative. Self Confidence increases. Assert your needs better.

Vargottama Moon

The moon is quite dominant as it does not change signs between d1 and D9. You're super cooperative and hate to disappoint people. I'd suggest reading up more on Anuradha Nakshatra.

Moon - Pluto - 7th house

Could indicate karmic ties or past life connections to FS. You work through a lot of your own inner insecurities, self doubt, lack mindset related issues in close romantic relationships. There could be some mother wound related issues. You can only love as deeply as you allow yourself to love yourself. In order to attract people who inspire positive growth in you, you must first sit with your shadow, examine why people trigger you, and make peace with yourself or, perhaps your mom?

Mars Rahu - sextile moon

Mars and Rahu are both impulsive action oriented Planets. Them sextile your Pluto and moon could lead you to feel quite triggered and attacked by the slightest hint of advice or suggestion from someone else. Sex with the wrong people can really mess with you. In a better manifestation good sex has you feeling liek you can change the world and also that you're super safe and secure.

Venus combust - 10th house

You need to feel appreciated for your uniqueness. Ego battles could arise and get in the way of finding, expressing love.

Saturn- Ketu Pisces

The ruler of your 7th Nakshatra this is someone who loses themself to community service, could do too much for the wrong cause. Money could come in from fish farming. Seduments or other aquatic culture.

Anuradha 7th house

This is a Nakshatra that focuses on achieving success by working with a group. Your fs is collaborative and good at managing people. Someone who shares success. And is hence likely to go far ahead in life. Major success may come later in life.

Mars 7th house

Expect healthy amount of frank, direct communication. Some arguments with FS. But there's also protectiveness, concern, and the will to do the best by someone. Mars and moon aspects indicate a healthy sex life. They're probably enamored by you. You in turn would find them super sexy.

7th Nakshatra lord and Ketu

Your fs and relation with FS is a highly spiritual one. You could both be looking for a soulful connection. There is love, there us duty there is a need to help each other value time, focus on the future. They could have been a strict disciplinarian figure Ina past life. You both probably have a knack to look down at your phone just in time tos ee an email / message alert from them? Perhaps you two run or help/volunteer at an institution for the mentally challenged.

7th house relation to pieces

OK, so this is where we have a lot going on. Mars opposes saturn. And is placed with Rahu. Mars here feels restrained. Your fs could feel blocked in their creative gifts. In the sense that all they want to do is focus on it, create, post, gain fame but saturn and Ketu try to restrict their creative time. They could be perfectionists. Having to redo things. Since Rahu is also in virgo there's a focus on creating things with the hands and fine tuning every single detail. Directed towards you, this is someone who is always encouraging you while trying to micromanage a lot of details because they think they're being helpful. This is sosmrhtinf you two could have in common so

Mars Darakarka: they teach u to fight for you. Opinionated. Honest. Perfectionist. Service before self. Hardworking. Have integrity. Very active mind.

Mars conjunct Rahu-venus D9 creativity

The 5th house rules creativity and with your venus in the 9th house in D9 your fs is someone who encourages u to be more creative and follow or take up a course to be better at your hobbies. It's like full creative freedom to be you and do you.

D9 Exalted Saturn

Justice. Duty. Not very affectionate but they make sure you have everything you need. Balanced approach. Someone thoughtful. They're fair in a fight.

Libra, venus ruled 7th house

Beauty, peace and harmony in thr relationship. You're not gonna feel like you're being taken for grated. They will treat you to nice things and probably have a schedule for dates and other such romantic leisure activities.

Jupiter rules 9th, in 2nd house

Philosophy. Art. Culture. Museums. Travel coudk be a key focus in your married life. This is something you two bond over. Could also strike God fortune when u do travel or go on pilgrimages. Luck and money via foreign sources.

Rahu in aquarius

Social media influence or you get better at making friends just make sure that they're not provoking you into taking uncalcukated risks or actions that are wya too bizarre. Could denote some kind of breakthrough with technology, a love for a high end gadget driven spaces. An interest in Photography. Any couples pictures posts would be well received. Like you're the couple that looks exotic in their photos. Radiant. Aloof, intellectual, stimulating and even more appealing together.

Jupiter Taurus in 2nd house of D9

Debilitated Jupiter 9th house- religious issues - venus 9th house - conversion?

You may have struggled with religious ideologies being forced on you, or the one you were born into didn't quite feel right. Your fs may follow a different religion or show you that being religious does not mean you feel bad about some of your lifestyle choices.

Pisces Mars d9: he is either tactful and charming or a bit manipulative. You may feel like you prefer to act behind the scenes. It may be a little hard to be recognized for the things you do untill you get really really angry.

D9 Cancer 4th house: the home is a serious source of pride. Beautiful interiors and you'd be quite guarded about who you invite over. The best meals. Soothing interiors.

Pilgrimage within the 1st year of becoming a mom ( Jupiter's aspect on the 9th house)

Venus in Sagittarius D9: future BAE is gonna love his freedom. He could be a workaholic.

Alrighty, that's all I've got today. I hope this helps. I wish you the best on your healing and integration journey

#Shadow work #Mars saturn Pluto 7th house #Future spouse astrology #Future spouse reading #D1 and D9 analysis #Navamsa analysis

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bellakitse · 3 years

Text

part of the deal (of loving you)

Carlos reminds TK that worrying about him is part of loving him.

Written for @carlosreyesweek - Day 1: “I love you, but stop talking” + fluff

Carlos Reyes has learned many things about himself in the year and a half of dating one Tyler Kennedy Strand.

He’s learned that he’s capable of having more love in his heart for one person than he ever thought possible. He’s learned that soulmates are real and that his, is a brave, cocky, tenderhearted, often bratty firefighter. He’s also learned that TK’s health and safety are vital to his mental state. Unfortunately, given that his boyfriend is all the previously said things – brave, cocky, and a damn brat – Carlos’ mental health is continuously getting tested.

He gets the call from Judd. The deep, aggravated sigh the cowboy lets out when he says hello, tells him what kind of call it’s going to be. “Man, come get your idiot boyfriend. Michelle says he might have a concussion, and someone needs to watch him.”

Carlos isn’t sure what sound escapes his throat, but it causes Judd to mutter under his breath.

“He’s fine,” he assures him. His tone tells Carlos that the older man is looking for patience and finding none. “But he took his helmet off before the all-clear in a house fire earlier, and a bit of the house fell on him. Michelle says he doesn’t have to go to the hospital, but he needs a sitter.”

Judd stops for a moment, and Carlos can hear someone shouting in the background.

“Yes, you do because you’re obviously an accident-prone baby!” Judd yells back, making Carlos wince, both at the comment’s volume and the words themselves. Knowing who they’re directed at, he knows they aren’t well-received. “Seriously man, come and get him. Cap is still out of town on that conference of his, and I already have an infant at home. I don’t need one at work too.”

Carlos sighs as he hears more grumbling from the other side of the call. “I’m coming,” he says, already heading for the door. “Stop antagonizing him.”

Judd chuckles, his petty amusement clear. “But he makes it so easy.”

Carlos rolls his eyes, praying for patience himself. That’s another thing he’s learned to have more of since TK Strand came into his life. “Don’t make me call Grace on you.”

The silence he’s met with makes him smile for the first time since the call started – and when Judd calls him a dick, he’s finally calm enough to enjoy it.

֍֍֍

He arrives at the firehouse fifteen minutes later, shaving off at least eight minutes of his usual time by turning on the extra light bar he keeps on his Camaro. He parks at the side of the building, hurrying out of the car in his need to get to his boyfriend. As he makes his way through the firehouse’s bay doors, he spots Nancy first. He gets a knowing smile from the pretty EMT, and, with a finger towards the station’s common area, she shows him where he needs to go. Carlos flashes her a grateful smile of his own before heading in the direction she pointed at.

He finds the usual suspects lounging around in the living room. Paul, who is to the side eating a banana, sees him first. He gives him a smirk around his mouthful, jerking his head towards the couches.

There, in the middle, with Buttercup on his lap, sits his boyfriend. He seems determined to focus hard on the dog as he pets him, ignoring the mean look Judd is giving him from the sofa across from him. Marjan sits next to TK, stroking his hair the way TK is doing with Buttercup, while poor Mateo sits a little farther away, looking anxious the same way the poor kid always looks when someone from the team gets hurt.

He clears his throat, drawing their attention while his focus goes to TK. He looks okay, at least physically. The thundercloud that is currently his face is a whole other story.

Marjan gets up from the couch, leaving the space open for him, and Carlos squeezes her arm in thanks as he passes her. Sitting down next to his boyfriend, he finds his pretty green eyes already watching him. The frown on TK’s face causing a wrinkle between his brows.

“Judd shouldn’t have called you,” he says, shooting his friend a dark look before turning back to him. “I’m fine.”

Carlos lets out a deep breath. It’s echoed by more than one person in the room, causing TK’s frown to deepen further. “TK, I love you,” he starts to say, hoping the declaration will lessen the sting of what he says next. “But stop talking nonsense.”

Judd lets out a snort at his words before getting up from the sofa, silently signaling everyone to follow him out of the room and leave them alone. Sensing TK’s turbulent mood, even Buttercup gets up from his special spot on his favorite person’s lap, also going away. Smart dog.

Once alone, they’re left in silence as TK stews. Carlos studies his boyfriend, taking in his shoulders’ tight lines and the way he clenches his hands.

“Hey,” he whispers, getting a little worried by TK’s strange mood. “What’s going on?”

TK doesn’t answer. Instead, he bites down on his bottom lip hard enough that it looks painful, making Carlos wince. He reaches out, pressing his thumb on it, pleased by the gasp TK lets out at the touch. As a result, his mouth parts, finally releasing that poor lip.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” he says, hoping his voice is calm and reassuring. Patience, he remembers, is the key to TK.

TK looks at him; those green eyes of his are thankfully clear, as Carlos also remembers that Michelle checked him for a concussion. It takes him a moment to notice the blush working its way over TK’s face. His eyes distracting Carlos as usual.

“I’m embarrassed,” TK finally tells him in a low voice. “That was such a rookie mistake,” he continues, rolling his eyes at himself. “I know I’m not supposed to take my helmet off before we’re clear. It was stupid of me.”

“No,” Carlos shakes his head. He just hates the downtrodden look on TK’s face. “Sometimes mistakes happen, baby, but you’re an amazing firefighter. Okay?”

TK shrugs his shoulders, not agreeing but thankfully not disagreeing either.

Carlos looks at him again, the first thing TK said when he came in coming back to him. “Why didn’t you want Judd to call me, Ty?” he questions quietly, concerned.

TK lets out a sigh before he reaches out, touching his hand. There is a small smile on his face when Carlos turns his hand to intertwine their fingers. “You already worry so much about me,” he says, not adding anything else.

He doesn’t have to; Carlos can hear the rest of the thought without TK speaking them out loud.

Almost two years into knowing him and it still breaks Carlos’ heart that TK thinks he might be a bother to him. But unlike when they first started, he understands now where it comes from. Growing up with loving but often absent parents and then later a boyfriend that ignored him has conditioned TK to think he’s too much to deal with. When they first started, Carlos didn’t know how to fix it. Now, he understands it’s not about fixing it but helping TK realize it isn’t true for himself.

“Do you worry about me when I’m at work?” he asks, biting down on the urge to smile at the wide-eyed look TK gives him.

“Of course,” he rushes to say. “I always worry about you.”

“Hmm,” Carlos hums, all-consuming love for the man in front of him coursing through his veins. “Why is that?”

TK frowns deeply. “Well, I love you, of course, I–“ he trails off, eyes narrowing as Carlos finally grins, amused. “You think you’re slick, don’t you?” he says with a grumble that makes Carlos laugh.

“I think that I love you,” he corrects him, smile still in place as TK gives him a soft, almost shy look. “As much as you love me. I think we have jobs that involve risk, and I worry about you every time you clock in. Something I think you’re familiar with.”

“Yeah,” TK whispers, letting out a breath. “Yeah, I do.”

“Yeah,” Carlos agrees softly. “We’re always going to worry about each other, baby. It’s part of the deal of loving someone. But we’ll both worry more if we try to keep things from each other, right?”

TK nods, looking remorseful. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Come here,” Carlos says with a small tug on TK’s hand, letting out a content sound as TK immediately turns his body towards him, tucking his face into the crook of Carlos’ neck as he hugs him. He holds him tight, running his hand through TK’s hair the way Marjan had been doing earlier. Smiling into it as he feels TK all but melt under his touch. “How about I take you back to my place? I’ll make you something yummy to eat, and we can relax with a movie as I try to keep you awake for the next few hours, hmm?”

“Throw in some fooling around, and you have yourself a deal,” TK mumbles against his skin, giving his collarbone a quick bite when Carlos laughs.

“You drive a hard bargain, Strand,” he says, still chuckling. He leans in to kiss the tip of TK’s nose as he pulls back to look at him with a silly grin on that face Carlos loves so much. “So, home?”

TK’s smile grows as he nods once more. “Yeah, babe. Take me home.”

#911 lone star #tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star fic #carlosreyesweek2021 #tk x carlos #my writing

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pangtasias-atelier · 3 years

Text

Taking it Natural

Well I can never fully stick to an outline lmao. But, I did manage a lil fic involving just some simple stuff between Cormag and Artur.

Kink stuff is more on the lesser end, cause I wanted to focus a bit more on dialogue and also wanted to write something on the smaller scale of sizes. Also was just fun to write a shorter, simpler story and also one not set in Askr which I need to do more lol

"I am perfectly fine doing the dishes," Artur lightly hums to himself. He scrubs away at the bits and remnants of the day's finished meal. A few pots and pans already on the drying rack alongside the ladles, said dishes preemptively cleaned before dinner had even been eaten, he washes the clutter of used dinnerware. His back facing Cormag, his partner currently sits at the couch.

"I'll go check on Genarog then," His voice comes out strained. Completely leaning against the couch, Cormag's stomach continues its prolonged harassment towards its owner. His stomach is a cacophony of churning and gurgling noises, the overworked, stuffed gut letting it's discomfort be known. Despite his declaration of performing a chore, he simply remains seated with his head leaning back. His lips are parted as he languidly recovers enough energy to catch his breath.

"I already fed him and made sure he's comfortable in his stable," Arthur places a plate on the drying rack beside the just washed cutlery and glassware. His still soapy hands reach for the next plate to scrub at.

"Ah," Cormag's strenuous breathing remains the same. He keeps his eyes closed as a way to block out any possible external discomfort besides his tumultuous tummy. "Then I'll…" Cormag trails off with a groan. A few extra pants and wheezes come out as his gut seems to give him an extra angry complaint. "Then I'll-"

"You can wait on the couch. I am fine, Cormag," The last plate cleaned and set aside to dry, he dries his hands on a dish towel, the damp cloth adorned with miniature wyverns. Turning around, he smiles as he gets an eyeful of Cormag's sorry stuffed state.

Cormag retiring from being a soldier, he had instead taken up woodworking once he and Artur decided to live together. His new line of work requiring a different, less intensive set of skills, the sudden change of constant routines and fighting to meticulous, long periods of time sitting while carving was a sudden change for his metabolism and appetite. The lack of much activity affecting his physique was only compounded by Artur's task of taking care of the house's chores. Cormag had already been aware of Artur's proficiency in the culinary arts through their occasional picnics back when the two had first begun a relationship, yet the latter's constant practice through cooking everyday left his prowess in the kitchen to something to truly be proud of. Cormag having a generous fill of food every meal of the day, his indulgence of Artur's cooking hadn't moved quite past an extra helping or two every go around. Although, even those generous extra helpings helped plump and widen his waistline to a body type rather past stocky and into fat guy territory.

Clothes upsized just as his body upsized, his maroon t-shirt does a sufficient job in covering Cormag’s sun kissed skin. His compact yet soft pile of squishy fat for a stomach curves outwards as it ever so gently slots itself on top of his doughy thighs. Pressed up against his shirt, the malleable tummy barely covers any of Cormag’s lap, enough space for Artur to be comfortably seated atop him still. The two fleshy legs seem even wider as he sits, the bunched up fat splaying a slightly extra amount from resting on the couch. Cormag’s pants do their best in perfectly covering the two, the waistband even widened as well to not uncomfortably squish against Cormag’s hips. The center of his gut juts out more than his squeezable love handles, Cormag’s rotundness more pronounced. The stuffed mass seems to taunt Artur, his eyes finding themselves often drifting back towards the perfectly rubbably surface. Cormag’s sizable chest makes itself comfortable on top of his stomach, the handful of breasts splaying a bit to the side from the accumulation of fat. His pronounced chest only helps make Cormag seem extra wide, Artur always feeling rather twiggish next to his plump teddy bear of a husband. Though the lightly tanned moobs are offered enough room from Cormag’s spacious shirt to not be so confined and pressed up against the fabric. Cormag’s biceps are no more, the somewhat, albeit nicely, defined biceps coated in a plush, warm layer of fat. The plump appendaged perfect for a nice, crushing yet comforting hug, Cormag’s arms had always been a secret favorite of Artur’s. Cormag rests his arms on the cushiony back pillows, the bottom heft of his arms squishing ever so slightly against the surface. His face at the very center of his arm span, Artur can only see the fleshy double chin connected to Cormag’s lovably wonderful kissable face. Though he can very much hear his love’s taxed breathing even over the angered grumbling coming from his gut.

“Oh, Artur,” Cormag’s arms wobble for a few moments; the two doughy appendages struggle as he tries to push himself up despite his body’s protests. “Give me, hah, a minute,” His rotund body expands with each great, deep breath he takes.

“No worries,” Artur sits himself beside Cormag. His lap calling to him, he’d feel like a monster causing him anymore discomfort. “I’ll wait beside you,” Artur pats Cormag’s thigh.

“Heh,” Cormag lets out a small chuckle, the only response he can give before he has to take a few more breaths to help relieve the heavy pit of pain resting in his gut. “I really ate like a pig,”

The faint warm onset of a blush on Artur’s face blossoms on his face, the healer always getting a tinge of embarrassment whenever Cormag even offhandedly mentions his size or eating habits. “Perhaps. But, I should learn to stop cooking so much. I just think of something nice for us to share and so I kinda just make it,” Artur tosses a noncommittal shrug at the end, a few awkward laughs thrown in as well as if he hadn’t confessed his unique admiration in the way Cormag’s body plumped out. A few extra pounds looking rather dashing on his tall figure which would only look more handsome if those few extra pounds swelled into a dozen or perhaps even a hundred before Cormag was resting at a sizable 300 pounder of a man.

“Maybe. Guess we both should learn some restraint,”

“Perhaps,,,” Artur nearly reaches for Cormag’s aching gut to soothe the beast before thinking better of it. “I have a salve that should help,” Without waiting for any confirmation, Artur goes to the closet full of his supplies. Herbs able to help cure maladies unlike staves, he rummages through the several jars and boxes he has. Though only Artur would consider his neat, organized setup a mess requiring rummaging, Lute always interested in his tidy organizational skill. Having fetched the ointment, he stands in front of the seated Cormag. “This has to go directly on your skin,” He tosses the lower hem of Cormag’s shirt up. Applying a dollop of the ointment on his hands, he wastes no time in getting them all over Cormag’s stomach.

“You’ve never needed an excuse to do this stuff before,” The salve immediately begins to work its magic on Cormag. His labored breathing slowly begins to take on a more natural pace and the evident discomfort on his face washes away. “You sure do know your way around there,” Cormag even shifts around on the couch, his stomach no longer threatening to self-destruct from the slightest jostle.

Artur drops his head in mirthful laughter, Cormag’s surprising silly teasing always getting to him. “I have rubbed your stomach how many times, Cormag?” His hands drift on over to Cormag’s love handles. Standing above Cormag, he grabs on to the chunky handles as he leans down for a kiss.

“Not enough, knowing you,” Cormag whispers as they part.

“Then you truly do know me,” Artur retorts. Cormag’s stomach is no longer a ticking time bomb, so he figures it’d be fine to sit in his favorite spot. He gently lowers himself down onto Cormag’s lap. His soft squishy, tummy rests comfortably against his back.

“If you had this kind of stuff laying around, why use it only now?”

“Well- I,,,” Artur considers his next words for a moment. “I felt bad with how much I stuffed you tonight. I may have gone overboard so-”

Cormag promptly cuts him off with a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You didn’t force me to do anything. You’re cooking is great. I tell all my clients about your cooking. They kept hounding me about your recipe for those cookies you always make to butter them up,”

“Ah,” Artur turns bright red as he recalls the high praises from all of Cormag’s clients, a few even inadvertently referring to Cormag’s weight upon said praises. “Well, I also didn’t use this because I didn’t want you to feel like I only cared about stuffing you and getting you fatter,”

“I’m gonna have to get up for this one,” Rising up, Cormag makes sure to help Artur up first. “Look at me,” He grabs Artur’s shoulders. Artur shorter by a few inches, he feels miniscule right now. “If I ever have any problems with my weight, you are going to be the first person I tell. We’ve known each other for years before I started gaining weight,” Cormag brings Artur to him, wrapping him in a bear hug. Artur’s arms are ensnared by Cormag’s own doughy arms. Though he knows his arms wouldn’t be able to wrap around him regardless. His feet rise off a few inches from the ground as Cormag holds on to him. Cormag begins to chuckle, his heart always aflutter with Artur in his arms. The ring of laughter catches onto Artur, the two laughing together. They remain like so for a few minutes, neither speaking.

Eventually, Cormag lets Arthur back down. A hefty sigh escapes his lips from the minimal amount of activity. “And if you ever have any problems with my weight, then let me know,” Cormag holds onto Artur’s hands, rubbing the palm of them with his thumb.

“Of course. But I don’t think I could ever have a problem having such a handsome husband.”

“Unfortunately for you, my husband is more handsome than yours,” Artur snorts from Cormag’s reply. His hands find their way to Cormag’s arm for a light slap.

“I guess you win then. But, thank you. Neither of us have done this, so I wanted to make sure we’re going at a natural pace for the both of us,”

“Taking it nice and slow is my preference. Enjoying the travel is just as important as the destination or however you say it,” An idea sparking in his brain, Cormag devilishly grins, his plump cheeks dimpling. “Let’s enjoy the scenic route some more,” Cormag leans slightly down. He gently whispers in Artur’s ears before resting his lips on his partner’s.

Artur grinning, he merely murmurs in hushed agreement as Cormag kisses him, the crackle of joy feeling just as natural as their first kiss, the two ready to indeed enjoy Cormag’s current size and take things naturally, wherever it might lead.

#Cormag is kinda hard to write but I hope this is somewhat close #I just imagine him eing actually kinda dorkish with someone he's comfortable lol #my writing #fat fiction #fat!Cormag #fat!Sacred Stones #maleweightgain #male weight gain

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classpect-crew · 3 years

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Classpects as Real-Life Magick: Forces and Wills

I’m going to talk a bit today about Forces and Wills in the Homestuck universe. More specifically, I’m going to speak about my translations of the Classpect system into a functional magickal system that can be drawn upon in real-life practice. (I use the term “magick” to invoke Crowley’s definition—complicated as my feelings are about him and his tradition, it’s a useful distinction.) Bear with me, because this may get complicated.

In the comic, reality is not something that’s being done to the characters. Rather, it is something that they are constantly creating. Terezi said it best: “If you see what’s in your mind clearly and understand the power your thoughts have, then you understand reality while everyone else is running around confused and angry and upset because they think reality is something happening to them, rather than something they are making every moment with every thought.” What’s really happening is that there is an interplay, defined at large as a matrix of sorts, of Forces and Wills that determine what happens at any given time. Such Forces—defined by their incredible power or importance to the foundation of the universe—include the Aspects, Skaia, the Horrorterrors, and even Paradox Space itself. Some of these Forces seem to have Wills of their own, such as the Horrorterrors, while others seem more passive, like Skaia or the Aspects. Because the possession of Will implies a certain level of sentience, I typically also ascribe this property to smaller-scale entities that I don’t describe as Forces. This includes anything from the omniscient, such as Doc Scratch, to the impotent, such as the consorts of the players’ Lands. Of course, it also includes the players themselves, which is what I’ll be focusing on today as I explain how this translates to real-world magick.

Remember our favorite Terezi quote? Well, if you’re familiar with many Western magickal traditions, this concept certainly rings a bell. Michelle Belanger puts it well when she says “Magick is 99% psychology.” This form of modern magickal practice hinges on focusing one’s intentions and power through the use of tools, sigils, ritual, and the like to impart one’s Will on the universe and cause change. It also comes with the understanding that your Will can be limited by things like probability. It would take a lot more power, focus, and even circumstances further from your direct control to magickally draw a winning lottery ticket, for example, than to use magick to increase your chances of catching a fish at the lake—provided you still use bait, of course. You are also limited by the Wills of others that run counter to your own, especially if they are numerous and backed by a good deal of power, and most real-life “Forces” are simply too big for any single Will, or even a collection of Wills, to push back against. No practitioner, no matter how strong their Will or how focused their intent, is going to turn a hurricane away from a coastline—the storm system carries too much power and too much chaos through its many variables to be meaningfully contested by one single human.

So, now that we’ve established the real-life connection to the concepts of Forces and Wills, I’m going to next expand further into how we can use the Aspects—and, indeed, the Classes as well—as a magickal system to enact change. If the concept of borrowing symbols and archetypes from fiction in order to work magick seems silly, I’d encourage you to read up on Chaos Magic, the foundation of which posits that everything we use when working magick is an extension of and focus for the Will, therefore virtually anything can be used this way with sufficient intent. (That’s a vast oversimplification, but it works for the point I’m trying to make here.) I’ll stick to the real-life implications of the Aspects in the next post, then delve deeper into the Classes as archetypes for working with the Aspects in a following post. Each will be linked sequentially and compiled in a new tag (likely Classpect Magick) I’ll create with a hyperlink in the bio. In future posts, I’ll expand upon the historical equivalent of Forces like Skaia, such as the Welsh concept of Awen, and the idea of God Tiers as the “awakened” magickal Self. This post is getting long enough already, so I’ll end this one here and give you all something to chew on.

#classpect #classpect analysis #homestuck meta #homestuck #magick #chaos magick #classpect magick

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princip1914 · 3 years

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A few thoughts on writing longfic

I’ve had this post brewing for a while and I figured since today is a Friday I might as well let it out into the wild.

First off, this is not writing advice. I don’t feel qualified to give writing advice. This is a few observations I’ve made over the course of trying to write something that feels, well, long. Fandom is full of excellent authors writing long chaptered fic, but I don’t see a lot of people talking about how they go about producing such fics. I remember feeling like long fic was really out of reach for me when I started writing again in the summer of 2019 after not writing for years and years and I wanted to talk a bit about how that changed for me. Of course, this post comes with all the caveats that there is no need to ever write long fic if you’re not feeling it. Some of my favorite authors write mostly or only oneshots! But, if you are interested, here’s my lengthy, self indulgent, and entirely personal take on ~the longfic process~ below the cut.

First, to get this out of the way: long fic is anything that feels long or complicated to you, the author. “I’m working on my long fic” can mean that you’re branching out from microfiction to write something that’s 2k long, or it can mean you’ve got a multi-part 800k epic. There’s no objective measure of if something is “long fic,” Your own personal definitions can also change as you grow in confidence or change your focus as a writer (a little over a year ago when I finished Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire topping out at 31k, that felt very very long to me. Now it feels….still long, but not very very long.)

Here are a few specific things that helped me write something long. I don’t know if they will be interesting for anyone else, but at the very least writing these down has been a fun way for me to reflect on my own process.

Practice exercises. Ok, this is going to sound exceedingly obvious, but writing one shots prepares you for writing chaptered fic. Here’s what I mean more specifically: if you know you want to write (as a totally hypothetical example) a chaptered fic set in America in the summer that relies heavily on a nature metaphors, is written out of chronological order, and features a melancholy tone--it helps to write a few one shots like that before you embark on the Big Fic. Just like artists tend to do sketches before starting a big piece, it’s very helpful to write something small that gives you a feel for the ~vibe~ of what you’re trying to do in the long fic. It’s helpful for all the usual reasons--you get to know a specific version of the characters which helps plan out a character driven plot for the long fic--but it’s also helpful because you will learn if the tone and mood of the fic has enough staying power to capture your interest for the long haul. For instance, I have a few unfinished chaptered fics that have a humorous tone. I wish I had done more short humorous fics before starting them, because I would have realized that I don’t currently have the mental stamina to hold up a humorous tone for the length of a chaptered fic (hopefully that will change and I will finish Last Days some time this century!).

Plan it out ahead of time. I used google sheets for The False and the Fair. I do not think God intended google sheets to be used for fiction, but that was not going to stop me. On a more serious note, I think the best tool for planning fiction is the one you’re the most comfortable with--the notes app in your phone, handwriting, word, google drive, sheets, chalk board, summoning circle, the blood of your enemies, etc. The reason I chose to use sheets is that I knew from the very beginning that I wanted certain things to happen at specific places in the story--for instance, I wanted the first kiss to happen at the end of the first third of the story and I wanted the “reveal” about the mine accident to happen at the end of the second third of the story. But, I didn’t know what was supposed to go in between those elements. A traditional outline for a story at this point in development might have looked like:

Meet cute

Kiss

Reveal

Ending

But, what my brain needed was to preserve the blank spaces in between these story elements, and specifically to preserve the right amount of blank space between these story elements so that it didn’t end up, for instance, that the first kiss was halfway through rather than a third of the way through. In this way, I found google sheets an invaluable tool for pacing in the early parts of the planning process. I simply made 30 rows assuming 30 chapters, and started plugging in the elements I knew I wanted in the locations I wanted them. Then I filled in the blank spaces by asking myself “how do we get from X plot element to Y plot element in Z amount of chapters.” I’m not a mountain climber, but I’ve often thought about the first things that go into the spreadsheet in terms of mountain climbing terminology. In climbing, a crux move, which can be anywhere along the route, is the most difficult move of the route: if you can’t do it, you can’t do the route. I think of the first things that go into the planning spreadsheet as the crux moves of the story, the most important pieces around which everything else turns. It was not an accident that those were also all the first scenes of the fic that I wrote; if I couldn’t do those scenes, I couldn’t do the story the way I planned it so I wanted to know early on if I needed to make changes.

Make changes if you have to: even though it helps to have things planned in advance, don’t resist the story if it tries to change on you while you’re writing it. Usually the feeling that you have to make changes stems from having a plot that is not entirely character driven. As you write the story, the characters reveal themselves and sometimes the plot has to change to change with the characters’ motivations. Here’s an area where fanfic writers have a leg up on everyone else: if you write fic, you already know the characters really well. That means, (in my experience anyway) it’s less likely that you’ll have a surprise character development which leads to a rethinking of the whole plot. Less likely, but not completely unlikely, unfortunately.

Lie to yourself: The False and the Fair was supposed to be 90k words. I thought that sounded reasonable, a little less than 3x the longest fic I had ever written. Now it's 161k and will probably top out a little over 170k. Ooops. But I never would have set out to write something that long. I wouldn’t have thought I could do it, even though anyone more experienced looking at my plans for the fic probably would have laughed at the idea I could cover all those plot points in 90k. Ignorance is bliss. Protect your ignorance.

Scrivener: Long fic for me means “fic that is long enough you can’t hold all the parts of it in your head at once.” That’s where Scrivener comes in (or another app if you’d rather, but I really like Scrivener for the ability to see the project either linearly or as condensed notecards). You can put together an organizational scaffold in Scrivener that allows you to move back and forth between the forest and the trees. So, for instance, you might be going for a jog and come up with the perfect line of dialogue for chapter 27 when you’re only up to chapter 5 in terms of writing progress. With Scrivener, you can go home, and put that dialogue in the “bucket”/index card/whatever for chapter 27 without compromising your ability to see chapter 5 clearly or muddying up your google doc. You can then use the fact that you’ve started writing bits and pieces of the later chapters in conjunction with the tool of lying to yourself that, actually, you’ve written a lot more of the fic than you realize and that when you get to chapter 27 it won’t be as hard as chapter 5 because you’ve put in the groundwork already. In my experience, this lie turns out to be true about 50% of the time, which is better than 0% of the time.

Digestible mini arcs: The False and the Fair was originally broken up into thirds. I thought it would be 90k and 30k was the longest I had written, so thirds seemed to make sense. Also, 3 is a nice, time honored storytelling number. I think it’s good to give yourself seemingly achievable milestones along the way to completion. These milestones (for me anyway) lined up well with the “crux moments” I’ve described. If you’re someone who likes to write out of order, writing your way to an already written milestone can feel like sailing to an island where you get to rest for a bit from the stormy seas before setting out for the next island in the archipelago.

“It's all part of the process”: I’m categorically incapable of describing things without resorting to running metaphors, and so I apologize in advance, but I am now going to do the insufferable thing of comparing writing a long fic to running a marathon. Here’s the thing with a marathon. You are not going to feel good every step of the way. We all know this. It’s a marathon, it’s supposed to hurt a little bit, especially at the end. In the same way you literally cannot write something novel length or even novella or long short story length without, at least at some point, feeling bad about yourself and your writing. But you also can’t run a marathon if the whole thing is agony, and for most people, it’s not--your meat sack shuffling along the course is subjected to the slings and arrows of all sorts of weird body chemistry that only happens when you push it to its limits. So, you’ll be in agony and then the endorphins will kick in for a while and you’ll be thinking “this isn’t nearly as bad as everyone said,” and then you’ll drink some water at a rest stop and feel like a God for half a mile before you crash and you’re in agony again until that one perfect song comes up on the playlist...and you get the idea. Writing something long, for me at least, is a bit like that. There are massive ups and downs. The key for me is to just understand it’s all part of the process, a necessary step on the way to the finish line. If the fic is 10 chapters long, at some point you have to write chapter 5. Just like you have to write chapter 5, at some point you also have to go through a bit of despair before reaching the end. It is unfortunately non-optional. In fact, despairing is something you can check off your list each time you’ve done it. Cut dialogue tags, check. Feel awful about my writing for thirty minutes, check. Write ending section, check. Often I feel that the stress and shame and fear that come with bad emotions while writing are worse than the bad emotions themselves. It really helps me to remember these emotions are all part of the process and nothing to worry about. If I didn’t have them, then I would worry!

I certainly have plenty more to say about writing, but this ramble has gone on long enough. If you’re interested in any of this stuff, please feel free to send me an ask.

I would also love to know more about everyone else’s writing processes, so feel free to pop into my ask box to talk about your own approach too! I am very interested in this stuff!

#long post #writing #fic #princip's fic #princip writes #princip's musings #longfic #how make words go

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soupthatistohot · 3 years

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Why do I write primarily mlm fanfic?

This was something I asked myself the other day. I am a girl, I think I'm queer (but I am attracted to men, whatever I am), so why do I fixate on mlm relationships? Why do I never feel compelled to write wlw or even just some good 'ol straight stuff? I brought this up to a few friends of mine who also watch anime. One of them said that it’s because lots of popular media only really focuses on developing their male characters well, and I think this to be a very suitable explanation (as well as the fact that I’m queer and thus gravitate towards queer stories).

Take Sk8 the Infinity for example. I could count the number of female characters in this anime on one hand, and one of them is a robot. The others are supporting roles who only serve to support the male main characters. I love Sk8 very much, and with the possibility of a 2nd season I’d love to see a prominent, well-developed female character (but if they make her Reki’s love interest I will literally stab someone). But as the anime stands right now, there are no female characters that aren't just basically plot devices.

Another show I love dearly, Yuri!!! on Ice, is much the same. While there can be more of an argument made here because 1) competitive figure skating is split up between men and women, and 2) I believe that the story Yuuri and Victor is absolutely meant to be a romance, so having the two men as the focus is somewhat necessary, there's an overwhelming lack of fleshed-out women in the story. All the female characters are supporting members that only exist for the benefit of male characters. Yuuko and Minako support Yuuri, Lilia exists so Yuri P. can improve, Mila is just... kind of there, and Sara's whole character is centered around her brother being overprotective of her.

Okay, so let's look at something a little less... fruity. Horimiya. I've only watched the anime, so if there's stuff I miss from not having read the manga (yet), please forgive me. I still think this is a valid perspective, though, because if there's female development that the creators decided was so unimportant that it could be cut, that still supports my point here. In my opinion, Miyamura is a lot more developed than Hori. He has his tragic backstory of being a loner, and having his secret piercings and tattoos and all that. A lot of the story ends up focusing on his side of things... despite the fact that Hori is the protagonist. The story follows her perspective for the most part, we learn things about Miyamura as she does, yet I feel like she's a bit dull. She has a uncommon home life and has to take care of her younger brother, that's her big bad secret? I get that it's kind of unexpected since she's the pretty, perfect, popular girl, but I still feel like it's a tad anticlimactic. It's hardly ever addressed beyond the first few episodes, too, and it just kind of exists as a fact within the story. Even beyond our main couple, it seems like the other female characters development and stories are all focused on the boy they're interested in (except for Sawada, but she's there for like a couple of episodes and then doesn't really show up all that much again... and her crush on Hori is handled really weird, I didn't exactly love it). Remi's entire character is pretty much centered around her boyfriend, and Sakura and Yuki are basically competing for Toru. Meanwhile, the guys have story beats themed around the girls they're interested in, but I feel like it's not as obsessive or dramatic as how the girls are depicted.

So, we're given these female characters, who are really watered-down and honestly kind of boring, and we're not super compelled to write about them. When we are given flat female characters, there's nothing to work with. It's more fun to use the characters who have had development and play around with the "what ifs" and our own personal headcannons. The characters who get this special treatment are primarily male. And while I commend a lot of shows for developing their male characters in such a way that doesn't exactly fit with society's idea of masculinity (ex: Reki's insecurities and depression, Yuuri's anxiety and femininity, Miyamura's isolation and depression), in the end these characters are still boys, men, males.

I also think mlm is so prominent because of both straight girls and queer people. For straight girls, it can often be fetishization (forgive my generalizing, I'm sure not all straight girls are like that, but an overwhelming amount definitely are). I think one of the best examples I can give for this is Phan. This is a bit different since it's not anime, but instead real people, but if anything that really drives home the point even more. The way Dan and Phil were (and probably still are) treated in the fandom internet space is disturbing, to say the least. Their audience, while much of it was queer, was also made up of an overwhelming amount of heterosexual girls who not only shipped them intensely, but also often sexualized them. And look, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a straight girl and writing smut, but it gets to a point where it can be kind of weird if its excessive. Like, if that's all the relationship is really about, and if the people you're writing about are real human beings, that's definitely overstepping. I will admit that I had a Wattpad and that I wrote Phanfic way back when, and this is something I'm not exactly proud of. Granted, I did not write anything explicit, it was still super weird, whether or not I was queer. And I'm not saying all the problematic aspects of the Phandom were because of straight girls, because what I contributed was arguably problematic, and I did not identify as straight at the time. At the same time, though, there were straight girls who wrote exclusively smut (or "lemons" as they might've been referred to at the time). There were those who analyzed every post, every bit of information they could find about these men on the internet. They obsessed over the fact that they occasionally shared clothes (which is fairly common for roomates of similar sizes to do), and gathered evidence to support the theory that they shared a bed. It was bad. It was invasive, and it got to the point where it wasn't about the people, it was about the fetishized fantasy these girls made up in their heads about these real, actual men.

Dan and Phil's online presence kind of disappeared for a few years... and I don't blame them.

Getting back on track, mlm is prominent for queer people because it's the LGBT representation they so desperately want to see actualized in media. If a show doesn't make their favorite queer ship canon (and they often don't), they'll do it themselves! That's what fanfic is for! I also know that queer people project onto these characters a lot, and that writing about them is almost like a form of therapy. They see these characters as queer, and they see themselves in these characters, so they write about these characters experiencing similar emotions to them. The thing is, the most compelling characters are male, so those are the characters they end up focusing on, even if the person in question is strictly sapphic. My best example is how I project onto Reki. Personally, I end up thinking of him as (and thus end up writing him as) having some internalized homophobia around being bisexual. That's literally what I am currently going through. I can't project this onto any of the female characters in Sk8, because I couldn't see them going through this experience because they're not developed enough to.

Despite all of this, I still enjoy all of the shows I mention a lot. I think it's just an interesting topic that I was thinking about. I'm not trying to bash anything that I used as an example, these were just my personal observations based off of what I know about these shows and their fandoms. I do, though, believe shipping real people isn't super cool, and I stand by that as someone who used to do it. I'm not going to stop you... I just think it's intrusive and inappropriate to pretend like you know enough about influencers to dictate who they should be involved with romantically. Their love life is, frankly, none of your damn business.

So, long story short, we should make anime (and popular media in general) less misogynistic.

(Also, please leave Dan and Phil alone, they deserve privacy)

#fandom #anime #mlm #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia #sk8 the infinity #yuri!!! on ice #yuri on ice #horimiya #kind of an essay #kind of a brain dump #I hope I got my point across #I spent a little bit too much time of this probably #yes I was a phannie a little while ago #don't judge me #I didn't want to tag this as phan for fear that they would attack me #I don't need the wrath of the phandom

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browncoatparadox · 3 years

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That’s the Highway That’s the Best

The Murderbot discord talked about a modern road trip AU for MB & ART and I ended up writing 1.7k when I was supposed to be doing homework. Title from “Route 66″ because why not.

I’m travelling across the desert in my van and I am completely and utterly bored. The radio cut out a couple miles back, and I’ve listened to every CD in here with Iris about a thousand times. I would look over some of the data I’ve collected, but I need to keep my eyes on the road even though there’s no one else around. The only thing that adds any variety is the occasional interesting rock formation, which doesn’t really catch my attention. I’m not a geologist, and even if I was stopping to study these would only make this trip take even longer. I sigh as I adjust my mirrors for something, anything to do, and see another figure by the road. This one’s closer, almost on the pavement itself. I idly wonder how long it’s been there. Was the road built next to it, or was it deposited later? It takes me an embarrassingly long time (about five seconds) for me to realize that the rock is moving. Specifically, it’s holding out a thumb and waving with its other arm. A hitchhiker, out in the middle of the desert, absolutely covered in dust, wearing a battered backpack and an irritated expression.

I pull up. This person doesn’t look like much of a threat, and even if they are I can take care of myself. That’s why my parents let me do the four-day drive back to the University on my own. Well, that and the fact that they were busy with some of their… “extracurricular” activities. I roll down the window, taking in the figure before me.

“I need to get to RaviHyral,” the person says, and- holy shit. Upon closer inspection they’re tiny. I know I’m big, but this kid looks like they weigh less than a helium balloon. They’ve clearly been out here for a while, drenched in sweat and sand. There’s a bandage wrapped around their leg, and their long hair drapes over their eyes. In short, they look like someone’s who’s had a rough time lately. They look me over skeptically, glancing each way as if they’re checking for someone else. I’d know better than anyone that, at least in the direction I’m coming from, I’m all they’ve got if they want to get out of the sun.

“Hop in,” I say, unlocking the passenger door. The kid slinks in, hugging their backpack close as they buckle their seatbelt. I reach into the back and rummage for a water bottle. When I turn my focus back, the kid’s hunched against the door. They shake their head when I offer them the bottle, pulling a canteen out of their bag. I shrug and turn the engine back on, sighing as I feel the air conditioning kick in. The kid exhales a bit as well (and I should probably call them something else, but there’s no way they’re older than me and it’s not like I know anything about them). The van starts moving back down the road, and I look over at my passenger.

The kid puts on headphones and starts listening to… something. If I really focus, I can make out music, something melodramatic, and people talking over it. I’m concentrating so hard on trying to make out the words that I don’t realize I’m leaning towards the kid until the kid shoves me. The kid glares. I glare back. The kid shrinks into the seat. Fuck. I didn’t mean to do that.

“What are you listening to?” There, hopefully that will clarify my curiosity. And make it so that I’m not just sitting in silence again, but this time with a mystery right next to me.

The kid says, “Episode 373 of The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon. The colony supervisor…” The kid’s voice trails off. “It’s kind of complicated. If you want to listen, I could put on a new show? Then we could start from the beginning?”

I nod enthusiastically, rummaging through the compartment in front of me for an aux cord. If the kid doesn’t want to talk, then at least I’ll have something new to listen to. I hand it to the kid, who plugs it into their battered iPod and presses play for something labelled as Worldhoppers. A bombastic horn flourish plays out, and I notice the kid start to relax as the characters begin to talk. It quickly becomes less of a concern to me, though, because apparently the kid has fantastic taste in media. The kid smiles a little when I look at them after the credits roll. “Next episode?”

We listen to four episodes of Worldhoppers in between where I picked up the kid and the nearest gas station. I pull over, enjoying the chance to stretch my legs. The kid sits on the hood of the car, legs kicking, as I go to refill the tank. “So, what are you doing in fuck-knows-where, ART?”

“Art?” I ask. I have no idea where that could have possibly come from.

The kid shrugs. “Short for Asshole Road Tripper. You didn’t give me your name.”

I wince a bit. In my defense, I’m not used to introducing myself to people. Most of the people I hang out with have known me since I was adopted, and those that don’t have talked to Iris first. Anyways, it’s not like they’ve given me their name either. “ART works. Just don’t talk about me with binary pronouns- it/its preferably, but if you’re uncomfortable with that they/them is fine.”

The kid startles a little bit, opens their mouth like they’re going to ask a question, and then shuts it again. I’m hoping that means that they aren’t going to start anything with me over my gender. Good. I’d hate to kick out the kid in the middle of the desert, even if they didn’t have what was quickly turning into my favorite show. I give the kid five dollars to get something to eat while I wait by the van. If they want to ditch me, they can. Even with the shelter of the gas station, they’re miles from RaviHyral and night’s coming. I doubt the kid’s going to want to be out when it starts to get cold, especially with the shorts that they’ve been wearing.

The kid comes back. I pretend not to notice them pocketing the change. They scramble into their seat as I close the fuel tank. By the time I settle into place, the intro to Worldhoppers is already playing. I turn the ignition, patting the wheel as my van rumbles to life, and head back onto the road.

The sun sets. I roll down my window and look out at the sky, even though the air has become frigid. I love the stars out here. They’re the best thing about the desert, so close that I can almost touch them. The kid looks out too, eyes widening as they take in the Milky Way splayed above us. It almost feels like flying through space, like my van is a starship travelling between worlds instead of a beat-up camper travelling to a nowhere mining town.

We ran out of episodes an hour ago. The kid had put the finale episode back on after we finished it (which I, for one, greatly appreciated, considering the sheer amount of chaos in that episode), but now we’re just sitting together in silence.

“How’d you end up out here?” I’ve been thinking about this in between Worldhoppers episodes, and while I have a hypothesis of my own I want to know what the kid’s going to say.

They hesitate for a moment. “The last car I was in broke down. I ended up going ahead while the driver waited for a tow truck.”

I look at the kid. “I meant before that.”

They grimace. I think about the news alert that was on the radio right before the signal began to deteriorate, about a group of scientists who had found traces of radioactive waste during their biological survey, and a local teen who had helped them find evidence linking the materials to the GreyCris Mining Corporation. About how said local teen had disappeared after being checked out from the hospital, having been shot by GreyCris’s guards.

The kid sighs, and explains the story. It lines up with what I know. I notice that they don’t mention the injury on their leg, but decide not to push it now. I’ve got a full medical kit in the back that I can use to fix it up when we stop for the night.

I’m really not liking the situation. I didn’t like it earlier, when I just thought they might be a kid travelling alone through the desert. I ignore the part of me that points out that I’m technically also a kid travelling alone through the desert. My family knows, if not specifically where I am, my general itinerary, and they know that I can look out for myself. Plus, I’ve got a van. This kid has no one, and it sounds like they may be in the kind of trouble that my family can help with. If they need a new identity, a place where they can hide from GreyCris, I can help with that.

I don’t want to press them, but I’m this close to passing by RaviHyral and taking them back to the University with me.

“What do you need to do in RaviHyral?” I ask. I’m not planning on leaving them there alone. If they’re just headed to the nearest town, I can take them somewhere safer.

The kid looks at me, really looks, their eyes taking in everything about me and tallying it all up in their head. They make some sort of mental calculation, nod to themselves, and take a shaky breath.

“I need to find one of my old foster homes,” they say quietly. “I need to figure out what happened to me there.”

My brain runs through all of the possible meanings of that statement. This kid isn’t trying to hide their identity. They’re trying to find it.

Fuck it. My family won’t be too upset if I show up a few days late.

#my writing #murderbot #the murderbot diaries #fanfic #modern au #fun facts #ART is 6 foot 6 and broad #its family are all astrophysicists at the UoMaNT but also make fake passports/visas for immigrants #both MB and ART are nonbinary #MB is figuring out its name and pronouns #MB is a runaway teen that pretty much accidentally got involved with Preservation #everyone wants to adopt MB #it's a problem (according to MB)#ART does roll up to University five days late with its medical supplies depleted and tells its family about its new friend

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marvel-starwarsfangirl · 3 years

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Bad Batch Season 1 Review

Overall, I give this season a 7/10. Out of all the Star Wars shows that I’ve seen, this is definitely weakest so far. However, this is only season 1 and as I recall, Rebels and Clone Wars didn’t start off that strong either. In fact, season 1 Ahsoka was very annoying but she got better as the show went on. I hope The Bad Batch is the same way.

Personally, I did enjoy this show. There are some really great things about this show, which I will discuss. On the other hand, my criticisms are pretty big and I hope the second season does a better job with handling them.

What I loved:

The animation is absolutely stunning. Some of the backgrounds looked real and were gorgeous to look at. The expressions on the characters were so detailed and I really enjoyed the attention to detail. Although some of the character models need work, I still loved the designs. Cad Bane probably was the best updated character model. Yes, his hat needs to be larger, but I loved how detailed his face was with all the scars. This was really crisp animation and it was awesome.

The music was beautiful to listen to. The Kiner brothers are amazing composers. I really enjoyed the soundtrack. Star Wars has always had epic music, no matter what movie or show you’re watching. My favorite track has got to be “The Bounty Hunter is Back.” Hearing the western theme while Cad Bane made his grand entrance was epic! I love how he finally got his own theme song. The final episode’s music tugged at my heartstrings. This is the end of the clones and the music tells us that.

The voice acting is superb. Dee Bradley Baker is so talented and I have no idea how he does it. He’s voicing 5 main characters who all have slightly different accents. To add to that, he has to portray a lot of emotions while being two different characters at the same time. How he always hits the emotional moments or doesn’t forget which voice to use is amazing. I loved Michelle Ang’s work as Omega. She does a great job portraying her and her voice is very unique. And yes, Corey Burton as Cad Bane and Ming-Na Wen as Fennec Shand were awesome.

I also really loved the parallels to other characters like Kallus and the action sequences. There are some really thrilling moments in this show. Cad Bane’s standoff with Hunter was amazing and visually stunning. Our space cowboy finally got his big western moment. Now, we need the Boba Fett standoff and it’ll be perfect.

The cameos were fun as well. Seeing Cad Bane and Cut again were great. Young Fennec and Hera were also enjoyable. We see where they began their journeys and I’m here for it. I also like how the cameos weren’t just for fan service but tied into the story. We know now how Rex and Gregor found each other. Cad Bane and Hera were probably my favorites out of all the cameos.

As for the Bad Batch themselves, I did enjoy watching them. Omega is great addition and Crosshair worked his way into my heart. What can I say, I love tragic villains.

What I didn’t like:

Now, for my criticisms. I still love the show but it isn’t perfect.

I feel like this show is unfocused with its plot. When it’s allowed to explore the main story like with Omega’s purpose and Crosshair, the show is at its best. However, the filler episodes do get in the way and don’t offer much except for fun side quests. I think if they cut a few of the filler episodes or rewrote them to develop the characters, then they would have worked. However, as they stand right now, they do drag the show a bit. The plot, from what I gathered, is the Batch trying to survive in a changing galaxy. However, I wish they showed more of the Batch struggling to fit in. I wish we saw more of the Empire’s presence affect things. The Batch seem to be doing just fine for most of the episodes. Perhaps a shorter season with a more focused plot would benefit this show.

Secondly, the character development needs to be worked on. Hunter and Omega got the most followed by Wrecker and Crosshair. Tech and Echo received very little. They touched on Echo’s PTSD and I wish we explored more of that. Seeing how he adjusts to his new life after months of trauma would be great storytelling. I’m glad he at least got to be the focus of one episode. I feel like the filler episodes should have developed the Batch instead of focusing on Omega or Hunter. I hope in season 2, we get more development for the Batch instead of just learning how to be parents. Tech and Echo deserve more. I want to know these characters better but it’s hard when some get left behind.

Finally, Crosshair. He’s still my fave but the show didn’t do him justice. When Crosshair is allowed to be the focus, he really shines and is easily one of the most compelling characters. However, he’s only really in the last few episodes. I definitely think the show should have explored his time with the Empire more. Then, we’d really see what he’s feeling. I think the show did a major disservice by portraying the Batch as if they didn’t care about him. They do, but it’s not shown very well. Hunter especially because he came off as being very uncaring at times. I think Crosshair deserved a lot more. Under his cold exterior, he’s really hurting and still cares for his family. I hope season 2 explores more of his feelings because he clearly feels a lot. The pain of being abandoned is something he feels strongly. I want to see him heal and eventually find his place where he isn’t hurt or forgotten. The Empire doesn’t care and I hope he realizes that. I also think the chip is still in because of his occasional headaches. And I need more scenes with him and Omega. Going forward, I want more Crosshair because he’s such an interesting character.

Anyways, that’s all folks! I’m looking forward to the second season. I hope that it does fix the problems I mentioned above. See y’all later!

#the bad batch #star wars #the bad batch spoilers #bad batch crosshair #bad batch hunter #bad batch wrecker #bad batch tech #arc trooper echo #omega #Crosshair needs a hug #justiceforcrosshair #dave filoni

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