#it’s fucking debilitating as shit

[talkethtothehandeth]

Here’s a reminder that you don’t have to faint to have pots, and your pots is literally just as valid as anyone else’s, even if you never faint.

I always dealt with presyncope, never ever syncope. But my body decided to change it up this year, and now I’ve been dealing with the ✨ fainting episodes ✨ that have happened both in public at at my home.

I never ever thought I would actually faint, I always thought that it wasn’t “that bad” because I never fainted, I never went unconscious so what’s so bad about it, right?(/s)

Pots is pots, it’s not called postural orthostatic tachycardia fainting syndrome. It is what it is and whether or not you faint doesn’t determine the diagnosis! Fainting isn’t a prerequisite to getting diagnosed! Some pots patients have it bad, and some have it better. But either way, someone who faints 5 times a day, or faints occasionally (bonjour, it’s me) or never ever faints at all, we all share the same diagnosis!

Your presenting symptoms don’t equate the validity of your disorder.

#personal #also I need other disabled people to stop saying pots isn’t bad #it’s fucking debilitating as shit #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #pots #dysautonomia #disabled #chronic illness #cripple punk #ehlers danlos syndrome #potsie #chronically ill

[an--artistic--autistic]

love it when im having a flare up and make a joke to my friends only to be met by unsolicited "advice" for something completely unrelated to my pain

#disability #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #like no drinking less coffee isn't going to magically cure fucking neurological health problems I've had since i was 2 thanks though #tried really hard to not lose my shit but goddammit it was hard #during a flare up while in debilitating pain - I don't want to have to explain how my disabilities work when im barley able to move #very frustrating -10/10 would not recommend #i cant even talk to this specific friend about it because if i try i will immediately start crying #mostly because im still flaring and i dont have the energy for this #anyways :)

[smute]

big epiphany you guys. big. huge.

#cliffnotes for context: smute almost finish masters. smute think oh‚ maybe phd not crazy wacko shit‚ maybe i can try #but smute also low self esteem. with any small setback - smute think oh what is point. smute bound to fail #problem is: smute genuine self doubt = smute quotidian frustration #ok normal english now #so thats what i realized today. a lot of the ''small'' things i dream of (financial independence‚ a nice little apartment etc) are #expressions of some low level frustration with my nomadic broke student life #rather than genuine desires. and as dumb or as #duh #obvious as that may sound rn #its actually huge for me that i was able to recognize the difference today #this question of what i will do after i graduate has been haunting me for the past year #and i am now realizing that a lot of my own arguments have nothing to do with what i want #just because they're things i don't currently have doesn't mean they would be fulfilling #and #again. duh. #but like. between this debilitating self doubt and certain external pressures 🤨 it was hard to see the difference #anyway i basically just explored some alternative scenarios today #like specific scenarios. went on indeed found some really good stuff and tried to imagine my life a year from now if i took this or that jo #and the end result was that i fucking hated it. they were all great options on paper but the takeaway was that i would never forgive myself #if i didnt give this a try. if i prioritized some vague notion of independence or this idea of ''settling down'' or whatever the fuck #over the one thing that ive got going for me #like i still don't know if the academic path will be any more fulfilling than some other job #god knows my entire academic career so far has been an insane uphill battle. but it's also been so fucking rewarding. like nothing else #and i also still dont know how genuine this wish is #if it's not maybe still about proving myself to some imaginary authority #but like. how long can you psychoanalyze yourself before your goddamn head explodes #no matter how pure my motivation is im beginning to understand that i dont want this to be the end of the road #and maybe that's enough #&

[j4r-of-flies]

I’ve had the worst day ever I came home early because I was dying all I need is a big hug from my moots in these trying times ❤️‍🩹

#r posts 🦝 #personal #I love love love my moots sm #been thinking abt u 😘 #anyway let me tell u abt my day #I had a terrible nightmare about a blue atomic bomb trying to kill me #I was in a state of crippling fear and anxiety #towards the end I thought of Lord Hanuman and woke up #JAI HANUMAN #so then #because of that I woke up late #then when I got to the tram stop it was delayed by 30 mins #I had to wait it -6°C for 30 MINUTES?? #it made my fever 10x worse #my classes were shit today too #ppl @ skl don’t even like me anymore #idc tbh fuck them #anyway #so I came back early because of the debilitating pain #now I’m home chilling #hope u guys had a better day than me #jai shri ram #😭🫶🏽🫶🏽

[dirtytransmasc]

this post is gonna seem so fucking random, and its really not at all important, tiktok is just being tiktok, and I have something to say that really doesn't mean shit but would get me flamed on that hellsite, and I hate not saying whats on my mind, even when its in my best interest so I'm saying it here, cause I can, just ignore me.

there seems to be this devote group of people in the SoC's fandom (*cough cough* I've only seen them on tiktok, and they're always those types of fans, that just like, care way to much about others opinions. *cough cough*) who hate people who see the dynamic of kaz and wylan as a father/son-esque relationship, like getting all types of mad about it. again it was like 5 or 6 people, but it was enough to make me really think about it and then proceed to get pissy, cause I'm a stubborn asshole at heart who can't just drop something once it's pissed me off, and it really only pissed me off cause someone said interpreting them like that was "infantilizing gay men" and I just... no, please no, that's not at all whats happening, I promise.

so here's my unnecessary two cents, cause I can't just move on;

what would you like me to call their dynamic hmm? kaz is only a bit older in age, but forced himself to mature and take on burdens that make him much older then he is, burdens he won't let anyone take off his shoulders. while he is very much like a mentor or older brother to wylan, trying to be who he needed after losing jordie, his role within the group as a whole puts him into much more of a caretaker role. he's the dad of the group, he is provider and protector, he is the brawny brains so to speak, a very paternal energy as head of the 'family'. he is the protector of his crows, he takes care of them, all of them, in his own fucked up ways, being what they need him to be. he would do anything for them, even if he tries to hide it, and this typically ends up with him in one way or another taking on a nurturing role of sorts (describing this man is so hard, cause his internal vs. external actions are so fucked by his mental state. going above and beyond for him and like bare minimum to the average person, and I don't know how to verbalize it). factor that into the fact that wylan lacks a father figure, a good one at least, he naturally plays that role in a very similar way that an older brother or mentor would fill the void of a younger sibling/mentee. wylan also looks up to and takes after kaz a lot, which points into the father/son-esque vibes. all in all, no they aren't your traditional father/son dynamic, but like, that's the closest simple term I can slap on them, cause I'm not giving this little speech a million times. their dynamic is messy and layered and complicated by both of their metric tons of trauma, paired with the overall found-family/trauma-bond thing those littles shits got going on over there. let them be messy and let me just sat father/son for my sanity, I beg (if someone tells me I'm infantilizing wylan cause he's gay/dyslexic/autistic-coded I'm gonna have a stroke, I just want my boys to be vaguely happy and have some semblance of family alright, and sure, maybe my daddy issues play into it, but that's none of your goddamned business)

please say I'm not the only one to encounter those fans, and please tell me this makes sense to someone, I beg of you.

#I'm new to this fandom #thats why I am so apologetic/weary #i've seen some shit in other fandoms man #I don't know what y'all are like yet #I don't know how light I need to tread #bare with me #no but seriously #as someone who relates to both kaz and wylan on a spiritual level #cause hot baddies have debilitating trauma lol #I can confidently tell you #the weird middle ground between big/little brother dynamic and father/son dynamic is so superior #and its where people like us thrive #we don't know whats going on #we just know everything hurts. god is dead. love is scary. but we got each other so fuck it we ball #im tired #im also not okay #good night #SoC #six of crows #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #shadow and bone

[dreamlogic]

...

#chronic blogging #shit chat #well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have #upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been #told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively #haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site) #it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better #at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?' #they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op #sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes' #she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches #book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent #lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me' #drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches #said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek #no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is. #the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving #but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious #'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT #i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something #like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this #and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound #(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off) #but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry #and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function #are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor. #was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3. #i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it. #i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back. #i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.

[riverofrainbows]

Need some affirmations so: in 27 days i will be able to go on testosterone and i will become super hot and finally stop looking like a prepubescent teenager and my voice will go deeper and my vocal cords will not only thicken but also get longer and i will have fat redistribution and my face will get beautiful and i will have an easier time building muscle and my disability will get easier to manage with that and my shoulders will get broader and my boobs will deflate even more, and my hips will get smaller and i will not put so much weight on on my belly and won't look as pregnant anymore when I'm bloated and gaining weight, and my arms will get bigger, and my face will get gorgeous and how it was always supposed to look, and my skin won't be as dry anymore, and i will recognise myself in the mirror and i will become drop dead gorgeous because i finally look like a man, and I won't have people treat me like a minor anymore, and i will feel more connected to my body, and my dick will grow and i will feel much more comfortable, and once i pass and can be somewhat stealth in public women won't feel so possessive over me and what i want and need anymore and that i should feel comfortable with whatever they feel comfortable because we're both women, and i will like my own voice and i will sing so beautiful and it will finally feel natural when i sing and maybe i won't have so much trouble finding the right pitch anymore, and my ribcage won't be as small and round and i will grow more hair on my body again, and I won't have to lie about my identity and pretend I'm a woman anymore, and i will just be me, and i will meet people who didn't know me before and who won't know my deadname and who will always call me by my name, i will become known under my name,

#own post #trans #trans man #testosterone #also i will become a further bit less fertile bless me #and I won't be on fucking estrogen hrt anymore (the pill) #i was put on it for my periods but i was put on a feminising one without my knowledge or consent because they just assumed that everyone #with pcos will want to look less masculine and i didn't find out until last year and it has undone a lot of what my natural testosterone #levels had given me #fucking shit show #and I can't really go off it because my periods are pretty debilitating and changing pills for a few months isn't worth it because of the #side effects of having to adjust to new hormone stuff #such a fucking shit show

[eclecticopposition]

we don't want to get up and go to work tomorrow. we do not want to go to work

#getting texts that set off that Manipulative Bullshit sense. detecting some bullshit behind the scenes. #would love to leave but haven't found another job #everything pays like shit around here #hhhhmmmmmmm #whatever it's. fine. #we are at least recovering from an ear infection instead of debilitated by an ear infection. #and our phone is restarting for no reason constantly. which kills its battery. #and we just #do not #want #to go to work #whatever whatever whatever #filled with hate. four hours of sleep incoming. have been dreading going back all week. #fuck having a job we all hate having a job

[fooltofancy]

this headache has been so eternal, idk where it came from or why but it will Not Go.

#had like. a DAY. of no headache. #after two of serious migraine #but then it came back and has just been hovering for like five days and idk how to kill it! #it's not a caffeine headache 'cause i've TRIED that and it doesn't even make a dent #meds+sleep don't work #weeps #most of the time it's not like #debilitating #but also can't really do the shit i want to 'cause noise and flashing not great #.... i am. doing those things anyway. #but my focus is absolutely shot #so like drawing? not happening #dissociating and euphrosyne only #which is probably not great for the headache but if it's gonna fucking BE HERE ANYWAY i might as well. do something.

[waywardtrek]

when i tell you that that level of observing your surroundings + weaving said surroundings into maladaptive daydreaming/intrusions/delusions + controlling and willing the narrative of your body into doing things based on fundamental abject fear is me to the fucking core, and that i have (actual, diagnosed) OCD and have always suspected glennis dennis presents many classic symptoms of OCD too, what then?

#iasip #iasip spoilers #dtamhd #dennis reynolds #what then? i will write a fic - that's what #i think this is part of why opinion is very split on this one - perhaps a mindset thing of being able to understand this level of obsession #maybe i'm projecting #but i don't fucking think so bruh #i reaaaaally don't like talking about my ocd #not even a little bit #it's THE most misunderstood disorder of all the disorders #and usuall misrepresented af across all media - fiction AND non-fiction #so when i see it potentially portrayed like this i gotta say SOMETHING dude #because it's a win #ps i think mac and frank have it too btw #which leads me to believe that there is at least ONE ocd person in that writers room lemme tell ya #and when i tell you it is THE most all-consuming debilitating disorder... whew... #dennis might have ultra-violence in his mind but he is a sad little guy who's probably afraid of his own shadow lmao #and wants to live forever in perfect health #and is willing to take shit to emulate opiods #and is trapped in a web of COMPLETELY his own making even though it started elsewhere #...okay maybe i'm projecting a little now #anyway the point is #ocd sucks #but it is also a gift #and that is why we love and understand these characters and humans #thank u for coming to my ted talk #if u be reading these tags then u ought to seek therapy too bruh <3 #also my ask box is open #ily <3

[agayconcept]

.

#oh for fucks sake #if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g #she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up #which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares) #so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc #and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.' #she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things' #bitch WHAT THINGS ????? #exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ???? #do u Hear urself ?? #now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up) #and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour #'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!' #ma'am... #a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest #b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt #c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit. #whaT ????? #god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit #not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her) #jesus fUcking chrisT #i gotta get out of here #this woman is so immensely hateful #ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times) #fuuuuuck me. #anyway. #negative #ableism #verbal abuse #ask to tag

[androcola]

if you could see that you’re making excuses for yourself instead of opportunities we wouldn’t be having this conversation whatsoever. you post shit online and then when people try to help you avoid it. grow the fuck up and get a spine.

give me $9000

#asks #anon #bitch im not fucking making excuses did you Just Read My Post you dumbass???? #i just GAVE YOU REAL REASON. why i DONT DUCKING HAVE THE MONEY OR RESOURCES!!!!!! #im glad youre so fucking privileged!!!!!!!! #also im fucking VENTING!! im not asking anyone to fix my problems!! im just blowing hot air!!!! #god DAMN i cant stand people #i DONT have thw money. i DONT have the resources. i DONT have the support system. i DONT FUCKING HAVE ANYTHING!!!!!! #WORST OF ALL. I SUFFER FROM FUCKING DEBILITATING ANXIETY AMD AGORAPHOBIA!!!!!!!! #ALSO every god damn apartment complex in my town will just put me on likw a 5 fucking year waiting list!!!! #you dont understand not SHIT about my fucking situation!!!!!!! stop acting like you fucking know #wanna donate to me? i can make a fucking cashapp. put your money whwre your mouth is #no??? no????? pipe the fuck down then #there is NO available housing in my area. i DONT have the money for a car. i CANT afford to move out of town. I CANT DO SHIT #want me to work a fucking miracle or something???? leave me the fuck alone i didjt ask for your input in the first fucking place #literally the only real way to make any money thats actually enoigh to live off of is fucking sex work atp #and foe my own mental health im not doing that shit #whatever guess ill get on my andrew tate sigma chad grind or whatever. grindset. i dont fucking know

[volivolition]

what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??

#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least. #skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act. #and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here #lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this. #and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also: #empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for #empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this? #you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable #still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand. #i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy'' #but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known #urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3 #i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat #hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao #i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying #the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!! #oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!! #chemi chats #task: swept up

[oldestenemy]

…

#i’m so tired of having too much shit going on #i am the one who has to hold it together because i am objectively the least fragile #i haven’t got a debilitating chronic illness. my dog isn’t currently dying. i didn’t owe $2k in taxes for no reason. #i’m not homeless anymore. i’m just unemployed full of debt and absolutely fucking TERRIFIED of the future #i don’t know who or what i am anymore #i don’t know what i want or where i’m going or what i’m doing #but i have to be stable and calm and at bare minimum emotionally neutral #because everyone in my immediate vicinity is more fragile than i am #i’m just tired #selfish bullshit rambling #i want to be able to have a breakdown and move past it #i can’t go anywhere like this #still tapping. less murder.

[fallingtheseus]

“bastard son of a bastard son of

a wild eyed child of the sun”

i posted a speedpaint talking about this character, so if u wanna here abt that here’s the link :b

#hazbin hotel #hazbin art #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel oc #original character #GOD im so obsessed with this art #it took me forever tho #and i think the wings look wack #but idc it ended up REALLY GOOD and its FINE #anyways my oc is so silly #(he has experienced debilitating trauma) #bro is the epitome of fuck around and find out #“he has main character syndrome #DIDNT ASK #hes just a SILLY GUY #let him LIVE let him LAUGH let him love :( #yk that one writing prompt #*is kidnapped* *spits on the ground* I AINT SAYING SHIT #bro what the fuck we didn’t even touch u are you okay?? #that one? #ya thats him for real #literally what happened when he got to the hazbin #bro broke in #tried to fight vaggie #got his ass kicked and strapped to a chair #and then spat SOMEONES blood on the floor #crazy shit happening at the hazbin hotel everyone