#it’s hard to see it but like Louis said— all part of the experience

[1d1195]

Ding - Round 3

Read Ding here | ~6.5k words

Warnings: scummy man appearance, angst involving the frustration/grief/sadness of the last part regarding her shitty experience with said scummy man, fluff

Summary: Harry wants to know what happened to Cupcake. She really isn't sure she wants to tell him. Until she has to.

From me: NEW DIVIDER BY @babegoals THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CREATIVITY AND SUPPORT AND JUST EXISTING 💕

Harry was mad.

Fuming. He had thought about nothing else but seeing her for the last two months and now that he had seen her, he was pissed to see her at his self-defense class. He asked her the same question about ten times throughout the instruction. He was furious and irritated that everyone else needed his help (even though it was literally what he was being paid for) when all he wanted was to talk to her.

He was all for helping women feel empowered. But he was mad she needed it. He knew she was feisty. The fact that she was there said a lot in its own right. The way she bantered with him until three in the morning texting him the other night made him smile more than he could describe. It was flirty and sweet. But always had him guessing if she would suddenly stop messaging for one reason or another.

Someone like her needed someone—maybe even someone like Harry—to make sure nothing bad ever happened to her. And he knew. He knew why women went to self-defense classes. He had been teaching these classes since before he owned his own gym.

He knew.

"Why are y’here, Cupcake?" He asked gruffly. The other women nearby were all but forgotten. One was mid-sentence, asking to clarify something Louis had said. Harry was practically rude to just ignore her question in favor of his own.

“Umm... for self-defense,” she muttered trying to focus on Louis’ answer.

Harry didn’t want her banter right now. (As cute as it was to him, despite his irritation.) “Right. But usually everyone has a story that... convinces themselves t’sign up. So what’s your story?” He repeated.

He watched the way her cheeks warmed at his assessment, and she folded her arms protectively in front of her. Guarding herself. “That’s kind of personal, Harry.”

Once Harry’s anger took hold, it was hard to backtrack. “Listen,” he shook his head. The annoyance that clouded his eyes and covered his face was so obvious, she felt the slightest bit bad about interrupting his lesson with her own issues. “M’not good at this kind of thing, Cupcake. Being subtle. I punch people for a minimal living and work the rest of m’time here, teaching people how t’punch.”

Part of her wanted to break down and tell him. Because as much as she was willing to do this on her own, she was so scared. That nervousness made her feel even weaker, and she wanted to tell Harry, she realized. She wanted someone to know and to help her because this wasn’t something she wanted to deal with on her own—it was too much.

But she couldn’t do it right in the middle of a self-defense lesson, surrounded by strangers. “I’m here to learn how to punch,” her voice was even and final.

His nostrils flared and he stalked back to the front of the room, a trail of anger coming off him as he did. He wasn’t going to get anywhere with her.

The remainder of the lesson went by without incident on Harry’s part. He watched her the entire time. The way she flinched when they practiced moves made him nauseous. But he couldn’t help but notice how good her stances were. Almost natural. “Hey, love,” Louis smiled at her kindly as he geared up to practice more tactile moves. “You liked his match so much you wanted to try on your own?” He asked.

She smiled, but it didn’t fully reach her eyes. “Something like that.”

“It’s good skills to have,” he assured her gently, because even though Harry’s infatuation annoyed him at the time, he knew Harry liked her. A lot. Knew just as well as Harry did why women signed up for a self-defense class. “You have a very natural stance,” he noted. “We should get you in the ring,” he winked at her.

She laughed lightly. “I don’t even know how to make a fist,” she snorted.

Louis chuckled giving her a gentle shoulder squeeze and moved onto the next person.

Harry moved in front of her next and he looked at her footing. Aligned near perfectly and practiced as if she had been doing it her whole life. He was still steaming with anger. It rolled off him and demanded to be felt—and she felt every bit of it. “S’like you’ve done this before,” he muttered.

“I haven’t,” she answered. “I’m just good at following directions. Like a recipe, you know?”

He was staring at her feet and trailed up to her hand where he carefully took hold of her delicate fingers. Instantly, it felt like her whole arm was made of jelly. Her heart took off about the speed of an airplane and she was lucky she could hear anything over the sound of it. Harry touching her skin made her feel faint. Carefully, he bent her fingers and tucked her thumb below the flat of her knuckles. It felt so intimate it seemed wrong to be doing this in a class put on for the public. Holding her wrist, he brought her fist to his cheek and tapped it against his skin a few times. “Like that,” he murmured.

She wanted to be cute and smile. Say something like, I’ll keep that in mind for strangers in dark parking lots when I ding their car. But instead, she was overcome with gratitude for the knowledge and a bit of awe. She was speechless without meaning to be. He released her wrist, and she wanted nothing more than to grab his hand again and never let go. “Thank you,” she whispered. He nodded sullenly.

Harry felt defeated—something he didn’t enjoy at all. Rarely did he feel it, but he wished he felt defeated after a match more so than he did right then. All he could do was walk away from her and finish the lesson without chatting with her again.

*

In hindsight, confronting her in the middle of a self-defense lesson wasn’t his wisest choice. The following morning, he had a renewed spirit and was once more determined to chat with her and figure out what made her join a self-defense class.

What he hadn’t anticipated was how stubborn she could be. He should have known but he was willing to dig his heels in as long as she was. Harry went to the bakery morning, noon, and night—literally—trying to figure out her schedule. “Again?” The girl behind the counter asked suspiciously when they returned at four in the afternoon on the third day of waiting. She had been there all day and hadn’t said anything up until their third arrival.

Niall shook his head and sighed. “Sorry, darling. He’s being super creepy, yeah?” Niall elbowed him with irritation. They sat at a table as they had the last few days. They didn’t stay long, only fifteen minutes to half an hour. (And they only stayed half an hour once because Niall had to get one of the cronuts that he had been pining for since he saw them.)

Harry was looking at their text message thread. The last message was from him. Are you working now? C’mon, Cupcake, you’re killing me here :(

It went unanswered since yesterday afternoon.

“He’s trying to talk to Miss Cupcake,” Niall rolled his eyes. He missed the back and forth between the girl behind the counter. “But I think he’s being a bit ridiculous.”

“Oh, were you her bad date?” She frowned.

Harry was still looking at his phone, checking his schedules, and making sure he didn’t miss anything in his email or messages from his mum or sister. But the moment the girl behind the counter spoke, his head snapped up to meet her gaze.

“What bad date?” He asked, his voice low, menacing.

The girl behind the counter blanched. Feeling bad she revealed something she obviously wasn’t supposed to and quite honestly, if he was her bad date, that was a horrible thing to announce. It was a reflex. “I don’t know, actually,” she tried to backtrack. “I don’t know why I said that out loud.”

“We won’t tell, darling,” Niall assured her. “Do you know when Miss Cupcake works, it would save Harry—and you—a lot of trouble.”

“OH!” She shook her head and went around to the front of the counter. Her eyes widened. “You’re Harry. Context clues, I didn’t recognize you without gloves,” she smiled excitedly. “Thank goodness, I almost closed this place down.”

Harry turned to the girl again feeling a warmth pass over him at the idea that she talked about him to her friend. “Oh brother, so she does like Harry?” Niall grumbled.

“I’m Maeve,” she announced.

“Maeve,” Harry stood up and held his hand out to her. “Nice to meet you.”

“You have a very cute niece.”

Now Harry really couldn’t help but smile because that little girl was practically his own pride and joy. And she was very cute. Plus, it meant she really was talking about Harry to her friend and that had to mean something. “Thank you, she’s perfect,” he agreed. But then he refocused on why he was haunting the bakery. “Does she not work during the day?”

“She pops in,” Maeve shrugged and fiddled with the cupcake display. He noted there was a raspberry filled one on the top tier. He recognized that cake and frosting pair anywhere. “But she’s been mostly coming in after close,” she admitted. “She’s been a little...stingy with details about everything. She gets like this sometimes. Compartmentalizes things so she can deal with it when she needs to,” Maeve bit her lip. “She’s visiting her dad right now.”

Harry realized there was very little he really knew about her. Most of their chatting had surrounded the bakery, boxing, and Harry’s niece. There was a little bit of information about their education and some books and hobbies they liked. But there wasn’t a huge depth of knowledge of her family.

“Oh,” Harry felt defeated again. “Uh... I guess we’ll go then,” he mumbled. “Try later.”

Maeve sighed. “She really likes you, Harry. Really,” she promised with a sad smile. “She’s just...a little stubborn and careful with her heart.”

Harry nodded. “Got it,” he could handle that.

*

She parked as close as she could to the bakery in the parking lot. Thinking about all the steps and stances that Louis and Harry had told her during her class. She took a deep breath and opened her car door. As she went to the back of her car to grab supplies from her trunk, she noticed a plethora of other cars parked in the lot—most people were probably at the restaurant near the waterfront. But there was no way she could miss the car she had accidentally dinged with her door just a few spaces down and across the row from her.

Once more, her gaze met the intense green gaze in the driver’s seat. She sighed knowing there was no escaping this talk anymore. Harry put a bookmark in the novel he was reading while waiting and set it on the passenger seat beside him. He locked his car and hurried to her side, taking the heavy bags of flour and sugar she bought to tide her over until the delivery came to the bakery in the morning. He didn’t speak to her as they walked to the storefront. She was overwhelmingly aware, once more, how safe she felt with Harry beside her in the nearly deserted parking lot. She unlocked the front and held the door open for Harry to enter. “Were you waiting long?” She asked.

He shrugged, putting the supplies on his now regular table while she fiddled with the display case and cupcake display once more. The raspberry one was missing from the top and she went behind the counter to get another. Harry closed the door and locked it, so she was safe inside. It was dark, the only light was a low soft glow coming from the case of treats. It had the glow of a candle, and he wondered if there was a way to keep it that way during the day because it was so warm it made him want one of everything that was in the display. “Yes,” he nodded. “S’okay.”

That felt worse. If he was willing to admit it, it meant he was there a while.

“I’m sorry,” her cheeks felt warm. “I should have just told you when I was working,” she was willing to admit when she was wrong. Harry watched in fascination as she placed the raspberry filled cupcake on top. He wondered if it had always been the one she put on top. He would have imagined the chocolate ganache one was a fan favorite, or the vanilla sprinkles one with the little toothpick and label of A Pinch of Sprinkles on it.

He shrugged again, nearly indifferent. “S’okay,” he repeated. “Read most of my book.”

“Is it a good read?” She asked and grabbed the bag of flour Harry had settled on the table and started for the back. He grabbed the bag of sugar and followed behind her.

He nodded. “Yeah...it’s,” he sighed. “S’a little darker than I expected,” he shrugged. “Was hoping for something lighter.”

“I only read rom-coms in book form,” she smiled. “It’s very light reading, but probably not what you want.”

“Rom-coms?” He repeated. She nodded. “Y’don’t strike me as a rom-com kind of girl.”

“No?”

“Y’seem more like a film noir or suspense.”

“I’ve had enough suspense for a while,” she muttered and turned to her ovens to preheat. Harry placed the sugar beside the flour bag and sat in the same chair he sat in when he fell asleep a couple months prior. He watched her in the same way he had before as she flittered around the kitchen, humming to herself as she worked. “How’s the baby?” She asked.

They were ignoring the elephant in the room, it seemed. But it was the first time he’d seen her since the self-defense lesson. In between his visits to the bakery (his stalking grounds, as Niall was calling it) he had been splitting his time between training, teaching, and ensuring Driven, his gym, was working as expected. He had to call an electrician because the lights in the men’s bathroom kept going out despite the fact, he had already replaced the circuit and lightbulbs a handful of times. But he had gone to see Gemma and his niece two days prior to get his fix of the sweet little girl who made him feel so much better about all the frustration he felt about his favorite Cupcake.

He couldn’t help but smile. “Perfect.”

She grinned back and nodded. “Good, and your sister?”

“Good, thanks for asking,” he thought that was polite of her—he always noticed when people asked about his sister. It wasn’t often. Once the baby was there, it was like they forgot about the mum.

“Does your mom live nearby?” She asked.

“Yeah, especially with the baby. Mum sold her house the moment she found out Gem was pregnant.”

She laughed. “That’s sweet. You’re all close?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Mum’s m’hero,” his voice was filled with admiration so thick it made her feel wobbly on her feet. She wished she had that kind of admiration for her mother. “How ‘bout you? Maeve said y’were visiting your dad? He lives nearby?”

She nodded, guarded. “I feel the way about my dad, the way you feel about your mom,” she explained. There was a pause in conversation that seemed to stretch farther than it needed to. Maybe he was trying to get her to break first. Perhaps she did. “You talked to Maeve?”

He looked at her, tapping his fingers lightly on the table. “Didn’t leave me many options, Cupcake,” he reminded her.

She swallowed thickly, nodded. “That’s fair,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Can you please tell me?”

She shook her head. Harry felt so agitated, so defeated. “Not yet,” the bit of hope creeped back in. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she admitted, her voice cracking slightly. She swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat and turned away from him. “Sorry,” she sniffled. His heart broke. Quickly, he realized it wasn’t her wanting to hide it from him. It was painful to watch that frustration fall on her face.

“Oh, kitten,” he frowned. He stood quickly and made it to her side. He put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly not wanting to touch more than she wanted or needed in that moment. His imagination could only guess what went wrong on her date and it was painful to think about for him. He wanted to comfort her, but it had to be at her pace.

At once she melted into his touch. She turned quickly, almost reflexively into his embrace. Her face pressed against his shoulder, her arms wrapped up around his back, and she inhaled shakily. It felt awful to see her sad, feel the anxiety coming off her in waves. But Harry was grateful to hold her so close to him. “M’here, Cupcake,” he promised. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, nodded against him.

Harry could live with ‘not yet.’ For now.

*

Over the next week, they went back to texting throughout the day and chatting well beyond bedtime on the nights she wasn’t at the bakery. Additionally, Harry walked beside her from her car to the bakery when she arrived and back through the dark parking lot. Not once did he ask her what went wrong with her date even though it was killing him. She wasn’t budging. She knew Harry was waiting for more details, but she couldn’t. It hurt and she didn’t want to think about it—even if she actually did want to tell him. It was overwhelmingly kind that Harry appeared beside her car—especially at night.

“I’m still really sorry about Clay,” she frowned. Harry didn’t park far away from her like he did the other night. But she was very mindful of her opening the door and not bumping into his car.

“S’okay,” he smiled and rubbed his fingers on the little indent. “Reminds me of you,” he winked at her.

Her heart fluttered and she looked away briefly before smiling back at him. “Like you need more reminders of me,” she murmured.

“Can never have enough, Cupcake,” he assured her. “Can I kiss y’goodnight?” He asked on the third night he walked her though the dark parking lot. Her heart literally skipped a beat. Speechless. He tapped his cheek. “Jus’ the cheek, kitten. Need a proper date before I really kiss you,” he acknowledged and smiled shyly at her. That boyish grin that made her weak in the knees. Breathlessly she nodded. His lips swept across her cheek. It was brief and soft. Like a piece of her hair had brushed over her face and tickled her skin. “Thank you,” he grinned. “Been dying t’do that,” he admitted and once more tucked her safely in her car.

Harry mentioned it only twice more. He never pressed or demanded she reveal the facts of her bad date. It was more of—what he hoped was—a gentle reminder. He was waiting for more information. All he wanted was to assuage her worries and fears. She attended the second class for her self-defense lessons (dropping off a box of blueberry scones at the front desk had everyone in the class asking if they could go after the lesson to pick out their own sweet treats). Harry continued to boil with anger just thinking about her using the moves he and Louis taught her. But it was obvious he was much less angry than the previous week. More so, his anger didn’t extend to her. He was mad, but he understood her choice to keep it to herself.

Louis was going over demonstrations using Harry as the attacker. Everyone watched with rapt attention. “Your goal is to get away,” it was repeated about a hundred times and Harry had the hardest time watching her every time it was repeated. Each time it was said, she flinched. He wasn’t sure she knew it or not—it was a reflex. But she did get away. It terrified her still.

Harry couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t pushing him away. Every night, she thanked him profusely for coming to the bakery and walking her to and from the car. She could see his anger growing beneath the surface. He wanted to know. She was trying so hard to brush it off. It wasn’t a big deal. Now she had two classes under her belt, and she promised herself she would never be in such a vulnerable position again.

“Can I watch you at work?” She asked randomly. It was a morning shift this time. She was covered in flour, and she had frosting streaked in her hair leftover from when she put it up after icing four dozen cupcakes. Harry didn’t think she could look cuter if she tried.

“Watch me?” He repeated.

“Not this again,” she smirked.

He chuckled. “Y’want to watch me train?” He repeated anyway.

She shrugged. “You always watch me bake and stuff.”

“You’ve attended the class, Cupcake. S’pretty much the same thing,” he reminded her.

He noted her cheeks turned pink. “Um...if you don’t want me to hang around then—”

Harry nearly gasped. “Oh, no. No way, kitten. I want y’around. I promise,” he assured her. “Jus’ don’t want you t’be bored.”

“I won’t be,” she shook her head.

That was how she ended up sitting beside the ring, Louis padded and guarded while Harry punched and punched and punched for over an hour. His breath was heaving, and his body was slick with sweat. She watched intently examining his form and his moves like she would one day repeat them.

When he came for water at the end of his training session, he was heavy breathing and smiling at her. He struggled to get the towel he had from his bag beside her with his gloves on. “Bored?” He asked.

“Not even a little,” she assured him, grabbing the little towel and swiping it across his forehead. It felt intimate and made Harry feel warm all throughout his body. “Can I try?” She asked with an impish smile.

He chuckled and nodded. “Come on,” he held the ropes open for her to enter the ring. She wasn’t wearing the right shoes or equipment. Louis rolled his eyes discreetly at Harry and held the pads out for her to hit. “Make the fist I showed you,” she did for both hands. “S’all the balance in your legs,” he promised. “No balance, no punch, no follow-through. Punch through the pad,” he explained and guided her hand to the pad slowly so she could see how it would look and feel to go through it.

“Pretend it’s Harry,” Louis suggested. “That’s what I do.”

She giggled. “I don’t think I could throw a punch if I thought it was Harry,” she admitted and gave her best attempt. It was honestly exhausting. She only threw a dozen or so punches and was breathless as she answered Louis.

“You’ll get there,” he assured her.

Harry scowled at him. “Take the pads off.”

“No, you lunatic.”

“Coward.”

She giggled, thanked Louis, and twisted herself out of the ring again. “That was fun,” she told him. “I can see why you like it. Plus, you’re really good at it.”

Harry was staring at her, the way that sent all the butterflies in the world directly to her stomach and began to flutter as if they were trying to escape. His gaze was firm but gentle, his eyes almost glowing somehow as he looked her over. “Please tell me, Cupcake. I want t’help,” his voice was quiet, begging ever so gently.

She looked at the floor, their shoes were nearly toe-to-toe. “I can’t,” she whispered back.

He nodded, defeat did not come easy to him, and she knew that. “I have t’shower, do some office stuff. Get ready for some lessons and classes,” he told her, his voice the slightest bit disappointed.

“Want me to watch you in the shower too?” She asked hoping to alleviate the mood. It worked, his smile returned to his pretty lips, and he chuckled.

“Hell yes, Cupcake,” he shook his head at her cuteness. “Maybe next time. Not here,” he winked.

Even though it was her that was forward it still made her blush. Plus, joke or not, she agreed here was not a good idea. “I have to do some errands anyway,” she admitted.

“I’ll walk you t’your car,” but she knew he would. It was like a safety blanket being wrapped around her.

She really liked it.

*

After her third self-defense lesson she was feeling more confident. She even showed Maeve some of her moves in the back kitchen. Shadowboxing the same way that she saw Harry do to Louis the night she met him. “I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to give the Queen of Sugar boxing lessons,” Maeve rolled her eyes.

Honestly, she was feeling better. More confident. Plus, she was enjoying her not-so-date-dates with Harry. There was one night when Harry wasn’t around, and she realized she missed him so much. Not only because the dark parking lot seemed more foreboding but because his presence made her happy. Happier than she had been in a really long time. It felt undeserving to be so happy but it wasn’t something she thought about when he was actually there. I missed you.

Oh? 😍

Sorry, I know that’s...

A lot...

I miss you all the time, Cupcake. Think about you all day.

The message made her warm and she wished she could explain how simple it seemed to just have Harry fit in her life. They were busy people, but he always managed to come by and see her. She enjoyed watching him train or sitting with Sarah at the front desk and chatting while he taught classes and lessons. Maeve teased her every time he arrived and she wasn’t there. Can’t you just give him your schedule? The poor guy is going to have to train twice as hard to get rid of the extra cupcake weight.

I like to keep him guessing a little 😉

Today, she was up front on her own—one of her employees called out sick and she didn’t mind in the slightest. Working up front was one of her favorite tasks. Interacting with customers and sharing her gift was something she enjoyed thoroughly. Her other coworker was out back, working on inventory and prepping the bagels for her monthly bagel sale.

Ding.

The bell attached to the front door signaled whenever customers arrived or departed. It was a busy morning. So busy that it took her a minute to realize Harry was sitting with Niall at one of the tables. Niall gave her a wave as she finally got caught in his gaze. She waved back, smiling brightly and paused the customers that were at the counter while she ran to the back and then to the table as quickly as she could. She pecked Harry on the cheek without thinking and deposited a raspberry filled cupcake and a personal sized loaf of Irish soda bread.

Harry felt as gooey as the filling on the inside of his cupcake. Her soft little kiss made him crazier for her. Watching her made him happy. Being around her made him happy. Happier than the little kid that was bullied could have dreamed.

Niall was making noises that would have embarrassed the porn industry while eating his bread. Harry snorted at him, tried to steal a piece, only for Niall to slap his hand away. “Eat your cupcake,” he nearly snarled.

“She could make more, m’sure.”

Niall shook his head stuffing his face of the treat made specially for him.

Harry liked watching her. He wondered if it was the same way she felt when she watched him. People obviously fell in love with her the moment they spoke to her. Unironically, she was so sweet. Of course she was. It was like she was a sprinkles-fairy. This ethereal being that passed out sweet treats to everyone.

Ding.

With her back turned to get another bag, she didn’t notice the influx of new customers. When she turned back, her heart leapt to her throat. She was lucky she didn’t drop the dozen cookies she was packaging.

“Shit,” she whispered mostly to herself. He hadn’t seen her yet. Fortunately, it was crowded enough to hide behind her wall of customers. All the progress she had made, the classes thus far, all seemed for naught at that moment. Her gaze darted to Harry and Niall. They were unaware of the turmoil she was facing while she packaged treats for the next customer. Her stomach churned uneasily.

If Harry just looked at her, she knew he would know. “Hey Lexi!” She called toward the back room. But Harry was chatting with Niall. Niall was focused on his soda bread. Neither of them noticed the anxiety that swept over her. Lexi doesn’t answer at first. Making her more anxious and scared. It shouldn’t be that way. He shouldn’t ruin the one place she loved most.

Niall now had crumbs on his cheeks, but his head tilted curiously in the direction of her main display. “Harry, something’s wrong,” Niall’s voice was quiet.

Harry’s gaze snapped up defensively. Sure enough, her whole demeanor had changed. Harry could see it. Her smile was tight, and her eyes darted toward the door and the customer in front of her more times in ten seconds than Harry could ever begin to count. Harry wanted to kick himself. How long had she looked like that?

After an eternity, Lexi finally appeared. She mumbled something to her employee and headed to the back kitchen. Not even a glance in Harry’s direction. Without fanfare, without permission, Harry marched his way into the back almost as soon as she left his view.

“Excuse me,” Lexi said. “Hey, that’s employee—”

“He’s fine, Lexi,” she answered quietly.

Harry found her in the kitchen, hand clutching the front collar of her shirt, her eyes lit with anxiety while she paced back and forth. “Is he here?” He asked lowly, while she moved quickly across the kitchen.

She tried to remember the last time she felt safe. It was her dad, right? Her dad before...before everything. Before she moved her shop here. Before she uprooted her life.

But there were those brief moments where she was overcome with how safe she felt in Harry’s presence. Walking to his fight for the first time. Each time he walked her to her car. How his hand felt when he pressed her fingers into a fist.

She nodded, her eyes watering.

He spun almost immediately to do who knows what. He didn’t know and she certainly didn’t know.

“No, don’t leave me!” She practically shouted before he could hardly take a step further. She started to follow him but he stopped at the sound of despair in her voice.

Harry groaned lowly; it came out nearly as a growl. He turned back to her immediately as if it pained him. “M’never leaving you,” his eyes were so dark and desperate—her whole body felt heavy at the seriousness of his words. Breathless again. “Please don’t ask me that,” his eyes darted back toward the front of the bakery.

“Harry, please,” she whispered.

His hands were already balled into fists. He shook his head. “Cupcake,” he grumbled. It was such an oxymoron in itself. Harry was calling her one of the sweetest things in the world and it sounded downright terrifying.

“Please, Harry,” she begged, grabbing one of his closed fists. “I need you,” she whispered.

Groaning again, he rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “Fine,” he snapped.

She felt bad making him stay. She knew she was forcing his hand, but she was scared. To soften the blow, she threw herself at him. Arms around his neck, face buried in his shirt. She sighed with relief with the feel of him: solid, warm, protective against her body. Harry was safe. He proved that already and she still hardly knew him. It wasn’t hard. It shouldn’t have been hard for her date to make her feel safe.

Harry was momentarily shocked before he returned the hug, one arm looped around her back, the other cupping the back of her head. It was like the antidote to an disease she didn’t know she had. Another loud sigh escaped her. Like the feeling of Harry was cause for another wave of relief.

“What did he do?” He mumbled into her hair. She ignored him and scrunched her eyes shut. “Please, Cupcake,” he begged. She realized she wanted to tell Harry.

“I’m so embarrassed,” she whispered. “I don’t even know why I went out with him...I had met you and—”

“Doesn’t matter, kitten,” he shook his head. “He doesn’t get t’make y’feel unsafe,” he reminded her.

“It was such bad judgment.”

He shook his head again. “No, Cupcake. He doesn’t get t’make y’feel that way. S’not you. S’not asking a lot t’feel safe on a date. S’not even the bare minimum. Y’don’t have poor judgment. Your judgment got y’out of there that night. S’why y’signed up for classes and—”

It poured out of her at that moment. She told him everything. In the middle of the story, she tried to downplay it sensing the way his body tightened around her with every word. Explained why she signed up for the self-defense class. Every detail and emotion she felt for the last few weeks. How scared she was that very night. Why she requested Harry and chatted with him until three in the morning. How he made her feel better when she didn’t think she could. How safe she felt around him in general.

At the end, Harry pulled away from her.

Her heart felt heavy. Now he wouldn’t like her. She was broken and hurt. Harry didn’t want to be a bodyguard, nor should he have to be. “I need t’go to the gym,” he started toward the front, and she thought that was it. It was the last she would see of him. He was too overwhelmed with how stupid she was. This wasn’t what he wanted. Someone who couldn’t defend herself or be smart enough to see the signs earlier.

“Harry, I’m sorry—” She managed to croak with tears thick in her voice and vision. Right as he reached the threshold back to the front of the bakery. He was shaking. Every inch of him. She wondered how he wasn’t a blur from how much he shook. In the moment it took for the apology to form in her mouth, he was back in front of her.

He grabbed her firmly but still softly by the chin, held her sweet face between his palms. Gazed into her eyes and shook his head slowly. His eye contact was overwhelming but still felt so good. “You are to never. Ever. Apologize.” Her eyes welled with more tears. She couldn’t do anything but nod at him. Her heart felt so heavy and broken. But Harry was looking at her. Taking in every inch of her face and he sighed. “M’sorry, Cupcake; m'angry. But s'not something you need t'apologize for. Y'didn't do anything wrong. M'jus' mad I wasn't there for you,” he whispered and brought her back in to hold her against him once more. Her body felt relieved it was ridiculous for him to feel bad--he didn't even know she was going on a date. She didn't want him to feel bad.

"It's not your fault either," she whispered. Harry sighed with relief and he kissed the top of her hair.

She lost track of how long they stood there. It could have been two minutes or two hours. All she felt was Harry’s warm body against hers and reveled in how good it felt. “Call me a half hour before you’re ready to leave here. I’ll come walk you t’your car.”

She smiled softly, hoping to alleviate the tension now that a significant portion of time had passed. “Even if it’s in the middle of the night and—”

He didn’t think her joke was funny at all. “If y’call,” he repeated, interrupting her, his eyes were hard and serious. No room for joking at all. “I’ll be here.”

He was rapidly making her fall in love with him.

*

“Hey Dad,” she smiled softly sitting across from him at the dinner table. He grinned at her.

“Hey sweetie. How was your day?”

“Good! Did you see the game?” She asked. He nodded.

“Your guy did well, don’t you think?”

She laughed, shaking her head and blushed a bit. “Max Kepler is not my guy, Dad.”

“I didn’t say his name, honey,” he reminded her with a chuckle.

She rolled her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek. “I think I met a guy, actually,” she rushed out quickly.

“Oh?” He looked at her curiously, tilted his head ever so slightly and smiled. “That’s nice, sweetie. You haven’t had a boyfriend in a while. You need someone to...chat with, depend on,” he said knowingly. “I want to know you’re taken care of.”

“Dad, that is so 1950s of you. I don’t need a guy to take care of me.”

“Oh honey, I know you don’t. But I want you to have someone,” his voice was gentle.

For a moment she just looked at him. Thought long about all the things that had happened since she met Harry almost three months prior. It was a big deal to tell her dad about Harry. She wanted to make sure it was the right move especially after she was feeling poorly about her gut feeling. But she thought of Harry, the reassurance he gave her that it wasn’t her poor judgment that caused her bad date.

“His name is Harry. He’s a boxer,” she shrugged. “The raspberry filled cupcakes are his favorite.”

“Well, then he’s perfect. Right?”

She laughed, nodded, then bit her lip. “I mean...he’s...” she sighed forgoing all the details about how she was insane to let him steer her to his boxing match. How he helped her with self-defense classes. And why she was taking self-defense classes. No. She would tell him how they met another day. When Harry and she defined more of what their relationship was... if there was a relationship to be had. “I like him,” she admitted. “Then that’s all that really matters, honey,” he assured her. It felt like a blessing.

She couldn't wait to see Harry.

--

taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach

@straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals

@angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams

@summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland

@lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles

@tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter

@kissitnhekitchen @kittenhere @stylesfever @harryscherri @indierockgirrl

@michellekstyles @just-another-reader1098 @hermionelove @tiredinwinter

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist here

#harry #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #harry styles blurbs #harry styles imagines #harry styles x y/n #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #ding #boxerry #boxer au #boxer!harry #one direction #one direction writing

[zyxwl2015]

Excerpts from Lando Norris biography - part III

(There aren't too many behind-the-scenes stories anymore — mostly stating things everyone knows, F1 was postponed due to Covid, online racing happened, F1 resumed, Lando did this in this race, Lando had a new teammate, Lando moved to Monaco, etc etc)

Every one was extremely happy for Lando after his first podium at Austria 2020, including Trevor Carlin: "He is doing everything right and the results are coming and I am very proud of him" and "Lando is the nicest person you could ever meet"

Charlotte recalled in Eifel GP 2020, the marketing team's office was right next to the drivers' room and the walls were paper-thin, and —

We were working in the marketing office and we could hear this giggling from the drivers’ room next door… I went into their drivers’ room to speak to them and they were both lying on the massage bed watching YouTube or Instagram videos together. We all started pissing ourselves laughing at first, but I then said to them, “What the fuck are you doing? Why aren’t you in the garage? Everyone is looking for you!” I was like an ogre telling them off all the time. But that was the point where I and some others in the team realised that they actually enjoyed spending time together.

(Oh my Carlando heart 🥰)

Going into the 2021 season, he started to become more strict with certain things, especially diet and training: he stopped eating pizza, started to do more training and running (even though he "still hates it with a massive passion"), etc, to step up his performance. By summer break there's a noticeable change physically from when he first entered F1

Charlotte on Lando at that point:

When Carlos left, I think Lando got a bit nervous again, because he was a bit like, “Well, this guy’s obviously won seven races. He’s a known quantity, and he’s got a really good reputation.” I felt like Lando’s confidence had grown so much over the two years he had with Carlos. When Carlos left and we signed Daniel, Lando was a bit like, “I’ve really got to step up.” That was when I noticed that Mark, his manager, and Jon, his trainer, were building a positive environment by explaining that Norris had all the tools and experience and should not be putting pressure on himself… I used to call him kiddo, in fact I still do, but that was the time when I thought this guy actually could be really good and it will be really interesting to see the comparison. Some thought Dan would just come in and absolutely smash him, but he didn’t. You could certainly see a change in Lando, just the way he carried himself, the way he spoke, his whole demeanour. He was just so much more confident in himself while being self-deprecating.

(I love Charlotte 🥹)

Charlotte on Lando and Daniel's relationship:

At first, they were both definitely trying to suss each other out. We never thought they would not get on, but they just didn’t spend any time together… There was never any animosity between them, it was just they didn’t hang out. Andreas Seidl would have a meeting with both drivers before the race every Sunday. It’s called a “pre-race objectives meeting” and he would basically lay the law down and tell both drivers they are in it together. You drive for the team, no driver is better than the other, no one gets preferential treatment, you do what’s best for the team result, that kind of thing… Both drivers were team players and we needed that because we knew we were struggling and that Ferrari would be back up there again. Both of them then started spending more time together in engineering meetings and worked really hard on it. I can’t fault either of them. Both their work ethics are just unbelievable … but they started to work together quite a lot and from then, their relationship started to change and they started to get on really well.

McLaren keeps the Monaco 2021 trophy (as always), so Lando keeps the presentation box "because it is the coolest thing, a bespoke Louis Vuitton number" (😂)

Charlotte on Lando's relationship with McLaren team members:

He had worked with the boys for a long time by now, but he knew everyone, not just them by name, but their girlfriends, their wives, their kids, their families, their situation. He’d take the team out bowling or for dinner. I think he really understood the value of trying to galvanise people around him and that made him part of the furniture.

After the accident when he got mugged at Wembley Stadium, Charlotte messaged him saying she's so sorry. The whole McLaren team was being very supportive as well. When Lando went to the factory, he was really subdued, "he was worried because he thought he was going to be in trouble because of the watch getting stolen." Ofc Charlotte gave him a big hug

Charlotte described how different the mood was post Monza vs post Russia, especially during the last few laps, "It felt like the slowest time of my entire life, like watching a slow train crash."

[rumour] Ben Hunt says according to rumours, the contract he signed in mid-2021 (just before Monaco GP) was worth £6m a year, the one he signed beginning of 2022 (current one) was £50m for 4 years

[The End]

#lando norris #carlos sainz jr #carlando #daniel ricciardo #dando #charlotte sefton

[pop-punklouis]

the way the boys have slowly talked more and more about the one direction experience with more honest flares proves to be incredibly fascinating to me. you all know how intriguing the boyband machine has always been to me. so to see parts of that inner dynamic and the arc of that dynamic shift as they grew from normal teenagers to fleshed out young adults with their own interests and friends and goals and purpose etc. is not very unfamiliar with how friendships work as a whole as you get older. they were such wide-eyed teenagers struck with this pop cultural zeitgeist that sucked them up so feverishly as their fame skyrocketed that all they had was each other. they didn’t know anyone else and no one else knew what they were going through. as they grew older and fame wasn’t as fresh, they started becoming their own people who had unique influences and friend circles and hobbies that not only gave them dimension as a group but also separated them from the group in an environment where it’s so hard to lose yourself to being one instead of finding your own footing as an individual. it gave them healthy breathers between work and breaks, and i think as much as we love their dynamic together and their is always genuine love and friendship there, if they continued to only be stuck with each other like they were in the early days, they would’ve came out of the band absolutely hating each other instead of finding peace and comfort with this open-ended break. and ultimately, that’s the best case scenario to watch each other grow up as people. as friends. as kindred spirits. and encourage that even if splitting and going your separate ways means it’s an end of an era and you all won’t be the same as you were together. it’s not really outgrowing friendships it’s just knowing these people were significant in being the vessel to help you become your own person and you’ll always be made up of pieces of them.

regardless of how often they talk or how much the band felt like work near the end and a coworker dynamic overtook some of that space— creating a certain environment like louis touched on, there’s something to be said about clarity and honesty that i think they all have within one another to know it was time to go on especially after zayn’s departure instead of running themselves into the ground and tainting friendships and community that mean so so much to them and will always sit there between their chests. it’s never a goodbye with friends and bonds like that. no one will ever, ever be able to understand their coming of age story like the other four. there’s still such love there, but people are people and life happens to us all. i’d much rather them be where they are now than being locked into something where they end up tearing down the happy moments they found within each other back then through the dark times of the fame machine. so i think no matter what else happened on the surface. they’ve all come to a place where they can say it isn’t goodbye. it’s a see ya later. and with what they all went through, that’s the best case scenario to preserve their love for one another and the band as a whole.

#not me waking up and immediately making this emo ass post lmfaoooo

[mediocrevideopodcast]

Request: I don't really know where to request stuff, but what about Zib x Nervous Reader? Like how a slow-burn romance would go, how Zib would feel and how he would treat them, romantic gestures, and comfort.

Unsurprisingly, it can be a little  hard to get to know Zib. Sarcastic, blunt, and usually under the influence, Zib isn't exactly the most approachable member of the Lackadaisy crew. That doesn't mean he isn't friendly, not by any means. In fact, he's one of the most level-headed, caring people in the bunch. He's just learned to hide it a bit. Tender hearts often go sour in this business. A bit of courage and effort goes  a long way with Zib. 

Although if you're part of the crew, there's a decent enough chance he'll warm up to you on his own, too. If Mitzi thinks you're good enough to add to the family, then he won't question it too much. Although he can't help but wonder what it is you do, considering your skittish demeanor. It's part of what draws him closer -- part of him likes the mystery. But truthfully, the other part of him mistakes your nervousness for naivety, and there's a quiet voice within him that doesn't want that kindness to go out. It's a shitty life they run -- you should be able to keep your light. 

When Zib cares for you, it's obvious, yet subtle to outsiders. He keeps an eye on you in the bar, stays close to you when walking down the streets. He's also more lax with his affections, leaning on you a bit more, both physically and emotionally. But you know he's invested when he really starts to speak. Not quips, not sardonic interjections or jokes, but actually talking to you. He's a deep thinker, and not just because of the booze. He's well-read, and deeply intelligent. If you can get  him to talk about his favorite books, or his music, or even philosophy… it should be taken as a point of pride. 

Actually falling in love with Zib is a gradual process, though. One of those romances where you wake up, and suddenly you realize you've been married for the past 7 years. 

He doesn't believe in hard-and-fast traditions like his parents did, but his quiet attempts to grow closer really stand out considering how well you know him at this point. He leaves little room for worry or question, and yet, it rarely feels overwhelming. He's casual, yet straightforward. And damn if it doesn't make your heart flutter. 

The brush of a hand, a pointed glance during a slow set, honeyed words spoken effortlessly yet earnestly… If he didn't have a warrant out for his arrest, he'd be the type to serenade you from your balcony. Maybe he would have, had you met when you were younger. 

(Some nights, when he's lain up in bed in a drunken stupor, he imagines that exact scenario. He'd be lying if he said it didn't make him soft.) 

Despite what some may think, Zib is a very devout romantic. If he had the funds, he'd love to treat you to a night out, like all the wild records sing of. Good food and good music were two of the things that kept Zib going for a long time, even if only one of those things are still within his means. But, as a self-proclaimed nomad, his greatest wish would be to travel the world with you. There's so much to see and experience out there, away from dreary St. Louis. But it's only half as good when you're alone -- it's so much sweeter with someone by your side. 

Funnily enough, he's one of the best possible partners of the Lackadaisy bunch for a nervous partner. He's straightforward, rarely sugarcoating things or telling white lies. As such… there's not much to worry about with him. You won't have to worry if he's telling the truth, if he thinks you're too quiet or too loud or strange. If he has a thought, he'll say it. He's honest like that. 

If he's ever too blunt with you though, he picks up on it quickly. He's a master of reading body language, and he knows how to apologize properly. He's very sweet when it comes down to it. Genuine. 

He's also not above navigating you away from anxiety-inducing situations, when need be. Again, he's fantastic with body language, and he knows how to lie his way out of an event or gathering. People generally don't question how many smoke breaks he's taken per hour. 

He can't fix everything for you -- he knows that. But you'll never have to worry about whether or not he loves you. He might not say those exact three words on the daily, but there's never a moment of doubt within you. He'll make sure of it. 

#divider by @cafekitsune #lackadaisy x reader #lackadaisy zib x reader #dorian zibowski x reader #lackadaisy imagines #lackadaisy imagine

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- The End Of The X-Factor Journey

2010

Part 6

We stand side by side, Simon stood behind his with his hands on Liam and Zayns shoulders

“Ok here it goes. The public have voted and I’m about to reveal the 2 acts that have received the most votes and will go head to head. Good luck to everyone. In no particular order the first act through the next stage of the final, is…. Matt” Harry takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze “the next act still in the final is…. Rebecca” and with that we come 3rd. We head over to Matt and Rebecca to hug them both and congratulate them when Dermot asks for us to come back “guys I can see by your faces that your gutted, but how’s this experience been for you? What are the highlights”

“It’s been absolutely incredible. The highlight for me was when we first sang together with YN and you know what we’ve worked hard and done our absolute best” Louis says into the mic

“Zayn, what’s going to happen with One Direction?”

“Errr we’re definitely going to stay together, this isn’t the last of One Direction”

And Zayn was right, because that night Simon offended us a record deal with Syco even though we didn’t win. Obviously we said yes, excited to work on an album together.

The following day I arrive back home in Shrewsbury. Shutting the taxi door behind me my front door opens and out runs Emma. I run over to her and hug her tightly

“I missed you”

“Missed you too” we stay like that for a few more seconds before she helps me with my bags and we walk into the house together

“Dad!” I run over to him and hug him

“Well done. You did do well”

“Thank you” I pull away and look around the room “where’s James?” I ask frowning

“He said he’ll be here later” Emma says “so tell us are you going to make music with the boys?”

“I don’t know how much I can say, but yes. We are going to be making music. Just hope it does well”

“I’m sure it will. Now let’s get some food into you, you’ve gotta be hungry”

“Starving!” I yell laughing.

“Hi guys” I smile waving at the screen in front of me with my dog sat on my lap

“When are you coming?” Liam asks sat in a hotel room with the others. Simon asked us to start writing in America and so they all got a flight 2 days ago, but mine got cancelled

“Me and dad are getting a flight in 2 days”

“Simon wants us to start writing as soon as we can” Zayn says

“I know. Why don’t we throw around some ideas now?” my bedroom door opens and my dad brings me over a cup of tea “thank you”

“We may as well” Niall shrugs

“I have a few notes in my book hang on. Cookie down” I tell my dog, but as soon as she’s on the floor she starts whining

“Cookie is so needy” Harry laughs

“Like you?” Liam chuckles. I roll my eyes and open my suit case and rummage around for my note book

“Hey I’m not needy”

“I beg to differ” I say “YN can you play with my hair? I want a hug” I laugh walking back to my bed and sitting down. Cookie jumps back into my lap

“Hey havin’ someone play with ya hair is very relaxing”

“I’m not saying it isn’t, but I seem to be doing it every time we’re together. Any way let’s get to writing some lyrics”

#6th one direction member #one direction x reader #sixth one direction member #one direction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles masterlist #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles x oc #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction

[faith--in-the-future]

Now you got me curious lol so which questions would you ask Louis if you were able to do an interview with him (on camera, not on paper)

ahh honestly so many ! and most importantly I would ASK HIM TO ELABORATE!! it drives me CRAZY when he says a hint of something bigger that he thinks and people LET IT DROP!! like UGH go deeper! ask him for examples etc etc and don't let him get away with vague answers lolol

in specific idk exactly bc I'd try to follow the flow of conversation and also it depends on what he's promoting at the time ! but guessing it was for an album I'd start with general questions about what was the "drive" for this album so like which concept(s) started it, is there something in particular you tried to communicate etc etc then asks about sounds, the production, specific choices he made etc (it's hard to do this based on an imaginary album lol)

more in general I'd want to ask him stuff like

- how come do you enjoy and support artists like the snuts or Sam fender or stone etc which like to make political and social commentary but you don't seem to want to make that kind of music yourself? (then elaborate based on his answer)

- love is such a central theme of your music and often it's portrayed in its most impervious and hurtful aspects, would you say that that comes from an abundance of experience in those aspects from you or is it more because that side just inspires you more ?

- what would you say are the most difficult parts of love/relationships for you? what have you encountered most that was hard for you?

- hope is another central theme of your music, do you feel like it can be hard to make hopeful songs without bordering on cliches or just empty optimism ? (and I'd reword the question also in reference to what seems to be his life motto too)

- in terms of hope, would you say that you were more cynical when you were younger ? and if so why do you think that is ?

- in your music and your life you seem to deeply appreciate and protect your friendships, but there's also a lot of longing for a partner in your music, do you think that friendships alone could be enough for you or are you someone who is happiest when they're with their significant other too? ( if he says the second option ) and what specifically do you find in a partner that other forms of relationships don't give you?

- your music is at times referring or hinting at sex, often with very effective and imo interesting metaphors and symbolism, but I wanted to ask is it a deliberate choice for you to be more symbolism rather than explicit on this topic?

- as a woman I have often felt objectified or sexualized by male singers and directors etc so I am always grateful that with your music there never are contents that make me or , from what I've heard, any of your female identifying fans feel that way, is that also something that u consciously decide to do or is it just subconsciously part of your work bc that's how you operate in life in general?

- speaking of these topics, you have said in the past that when you make music you take into consideration what that music will leave to the listeners, for example you try to leave them with hope and resilience rather than despair, do you ever feel like this ideal limits you while making music? like for example you'd write something but then discard it bc in your opinion it's not something that you'd want the listeners to be left with after listening?

- if that answer is yes then what would be some examples of things you avoid bc of that reason?

and I'd have MANY MORE QUESTIONS honestly I could go on all day especially if I had a whole new album to base them on!

then I'd also ask questions about his opinions on other things like

- in your opinion what is the worst characteristic of today's approach to music making?

- what do you think is lacking most in today's music and that you'd hope to see in the future?

- do you think that music fans sometimes also have a wrong approach to music too?

then I'd ask like

- you always talk about your relationship with us fans and how much you treasure it but it is no secret that you've had issues with certain aspects of fandom too, how do you juggle with contrasting feelings? knowing that those behaviors you have issues with (rightfully so) might be coming from the same fans that you feel loved by at concerts?

- in your relationship with fans I know you get comfort by our closeness and our comradery but do you ever feel like those aspects of it might be a double edged sword sometimes? bc fans might feel like they're entitled to doing and knowing more things than what is actually appropriate?

I'll stop now bc it would be too long but ahh ... so much to know!!

#ask #anon #imaginary interview

[juneviews]

my precious's first premiere

hi everyone, this is gonna be a post to condense all of my thoughts about the my precious premiere! I will also give my full review, first without spoilers, and under the cut, with. enjoy :)

BEFORE THE MOVIE:

so I didn't really get what I expected from this premiere, simply bc I didn't know what to expect, except for my own experience with premieres in france, and also imo gmmtv didn't give enough information about it.

I arrived at 5:45 pm at siam paragon's cineplex (2h15 before the movie), and already knowing where to withdraw my ticket was hard, so I had to ask a gmmtv staff, but after that it was easy. there were SO MANY people waiting for the actors, it was a bit overwhelming tbh & didn't help me know where to go lol.

I immediately understood that the press conference that is usually done inside of the movie theater, was done in front of the entrance hall, meaning a lot of people without tickets came to see it, whereas a lot of people with tickets were pushed far from it. since the conference was livestreamed, imo people with tickets should've been front row. the time of the conference wasn't announced either, so I missed it coming down to get dinner before the movie. when I came back, the conference was half over, and I could barely see bc there were too many people. I think it's a cultural difference, but I did expect to get to see the conference by paying for the premiere ticket which is twice as expensive as a regular one. but whatever lol, I had other good moments.

first of all I accidentally ran into winny which was insane lol, he literally came put of nowhere & I was in his way lmaoooo. also, I chose a seat in the first row thinking it would be close to the stage (as indicated on thaiticketmajor), but there was no stage so I was just too close to the screen. I ended up moving seats before the movie started bc a lot of the seats were empty (I'll talk about it later.)

ALSO! I got a poster of the movie & photocards, I got chimon, euro and the one person I didn't want to get... ohm 😂 (I already knew I would get him tho so it's all good haha)

but then I saw film's face peak out from the emergency exit, and realized the cast were gonna come greet us. as we were waiting for them, the other gmmtv actors that came to the premiere came from the regular entrance, and sat at the back. here's everyone I saw clearly apart from the my precious cast:

winny (duh, he ran into me lol)

louis <3

prigkhing <3

force <3 (with his cute glasses!!!)

ciize <3

jan <3

jane <3

phuwin <3

joongdunk

aun napat

tui from project alpha

then it was time for the main cast to come & there were SO close!!! but they stayed very little, and barely said anything. since there were 3 different theaters with the premiere, I'm not surprised or mad, though.

and then, it was time for the movie to start! after the movie, I literally passed by the actors who were leaving the theater at the same time as me 😭🫶

MY PRECIOUS REVIEW (NO SPOILER)

I really liked this movie. in fact, I absolutely loved the first part, but imo the second one dragged a little bit. though I'll say this: because this movie is set during y2k & the 2000's, it incorporates some thai specific events which I always love to see! the acting was very, very good, as expected, and nanon imo was perfect for the role!

also this is not a spoiler bc it says nothing about the movie: I SAW NANON'S ASS!!! like, his entire backside!!! everyone was screaming so fucking loud hahaha, I find it very bold bc I've never seen this type of scene happen in a thai movie before, especially not from the main lead!

there's also a lot of nanonchimon crumbs, and it made me realize how much I would've actually wanted them to play a ship. yes, THIS is when I realize it lmao.

the acting was so good, and especially nanon was made for this role, he was so lovable in it! I'm such a fan of the nanonfilm ship, they have amazing chemistry together & are just adorable <3 everyone else did an amazing job, but I especially loved chimon in this more comedic role I've never seen him in before, he was so cute (yes I'm slowly becoming a chimon fan shhhhh) :')

the cinematography was beautiful & overall the writing was very good, creating so many high impact scenes that I will remember for a long time for either being hilarious (it's a very fun movie, gosh I love thai humor), adorable or very touching. I laughed, I smiled like an idiot, I was touched, I almost cried...

I especially loved the depiction of friendship in this movie, it was very believable & cute! what's nice is that even though the side characters aren't that developed, they all have such recognizable traits that they stood out a lot.

so yeah overall I really loved this movie, even though the ending does lower its note for me.

MY PRECIOUS MOVIE REVIEW (SPOILERS):

warning: once you click "read more", you will be spoiled!

NANON KISSED FLUKE PUSIT!!! NOT A SMALL PECK EITHER!!! HE MADE OUT WITH HIM!!! THREW HIM ON A TABLE!!! AND SAT ON TOP OF HIM!!! THEN NEO KISSED HIM TOO!!!

I AM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DEAD LMAOOOOOO I'M NEVER GETTING OVER THIS 😂😂😂

context: film ends up marrying fluke pusit, and the friend group (nanon, chimon, neo, euro & ohm) who were all in love with her, go to tease the groom to ask to kiss film once. fluke answers yes, but they have to kiss him first. all of the guys complain, and give up. but not nanon!!! he goes for it, and once he does, all of the other guys follow, and poor fluke is attacked from all sides 😂😂😂

this is so fucking funny on so many levels, first of all this would be an iconic scene no matter what, but the fact that I'm a fan from everyone involved makes it hilarious 😂

now though, if film is married to fluke, that means it's not a happy ending, and it's not. the whole movie ends to show what could've been, with nanon & film marrying each other, but instead they fight for a dumb reason & never see each other again until the wedding.

in my opinion, that sad ending felt too forced. from the beginning, lin & tong's relationship (that's their characters' names) advanced smoothly bc they both put in effort & clearly showed that they like each other.

there's an adorable scene (one of my faves from the whole movie, probably the one after the nanonfluke kiss lmao) where lin invites tong to sleep in her bed, and they almost kiss, but tong pulls away because he's too shy. AND IT'S THE CUTEST SCENE EVER!!! nanon is so adorable in it, he did so good I wanted to squish his cheeks!!!

so for them to be so committed to each other, even when they were long distance, and then break it off for a dumb fight... doesn't sit right with me. it always annoys me when couples who clearly love each other & are meant for each other don't end up together bc it feels so forced. but tbh idk if a happy ending would've hit as hard.

all of that to say that I still really liked this movie & I loved going to this premiere as the only non asian person there lmao, and also ohm's character always has a boner & neo's character always scratches his balls & ass 😂 thought y'all should know, this movie is very dumb but adorable at the same time!

anyways good night, I'm drained!

#my precious #my precious the movie #my precious the first premiere #nanonfilm #nanon korapat #film rachanun #ohm pawat #chimon wachirawit #neo trai #euro thanaset #winny thanawin #louis thanawin #prigkhing sureerayet #force jiratchapong #ciize apichaya #jan ployshompoo #jane ramida #joongdunk #project alpha #phuwin tangsakyuen #gmmtv #thai actors #bypiningbisexuals

[starshine-shimmyshufflesmile]

The Devil's Minion meta analysis

It was as though Armand feasted upon the feast, drinking in that part of life which he could not share any longer except with his eyes...

...and he watched as the boy drank deeply ...consumed it slowly, his eyes fixed on Armand.

"He was busy with his human boy, who was dining at the desk on silver plates of meats and fish. A decanter of white wine stood next to him, and though he was feverish and weak from last night, his skin was florid and his heat and fragrance were a torment to me. Not apparently to Armand, who sat in the leather chair by the fire opposite me, turned to the human, his arms folded on the leather arm. The boy filled his glass and held it up now in a salute. 

"My master," he said, his eyes flashing on me as he smiled; but the toast was to Armand. 

"Your slave," Armand whispered with a deep intake of breath that was passionate. 

And he watched, as the boy drank deeply. I could see him savoring the wet lips, the mobile flesh of the throat as the wine went down. And now the boy took a morsel of white meat, making that same salute, consumed it slowly, his eyes fixed on Armand.

It was as though Armand feasted upon the feast, drinking in that part of life which he could not share any longer except with his eyes"  

Louis telling Daniel what he witnessed of Armand watching Denis in Paris, 1870. IWTV p248-9 Knoff

If Armand could possibly arrange it

he watched from a chair nearby

a dark-eyed Cupid with a tender approving smile. Hot, nerve-searing, this witnessed passion, Daniel working the other body with ever greater abandon, aroused by the dual purpose

    ...If Armand could possibly arrange it...

Armand watching Daniel watching him with Louis.

and he watched as the boy drank deeply

consumed it slowly, his eyes fixed on Armand.

...consumed it slowly, his eyes fixed on Armand...

Yes, watching is their thing.

And when you're a telepathic vampire, you are also 'watching' from inside the human's mind.

Consider: The mechanics of vamp/mortal lovers presented in a more explicit way in TVA is the most significant insight Armand's relationship with Marius sheds on TDM. A&D can, and do, make love the same way M&A did, with mouths and hands and emotional intimacy and blood for Armand and orgasms for Daniel.

"Daniel loved the feel of the hard gleaming white hands moving over his naked flesh, rather like satin gloves. And the brown eyes that seemed to draw Daniel out of himself; ah, the delicious disorientation, the certainty that he was being carried downwards, out of all things physical, and finally the hands closing on his throat gently, and the teeth breaking through the skin. He closed his eyes, his body heating slowly, only to burn truly when Armand's blood touched his lips." Armand and Daniel, circa 1980. TQOTD p89 Knoff

Yet A&D also pick up thirds for sex when they get cruised.

"Men and women fell in love with Armand, of course, "so innocent, so passionate, so brilliant!" You don't say. In fact, Armand's power to seduce was almost beyond his control. And it was Daniel who must bed these unfortunates, if Armand could possibly arrange it, while he watched from a chair nearby, a dark-eyed Cupid with a tender approving smile. Hot, nerve-searing, this witnessed passion, Daniel working the other body with ever greater abandon, aroused by the dual purpose of every intimate gesture. Yet he lay empty afterwards, staring at Armand, resentful, cold." Armand and Daniel, circa 1980. TQOTD p86 Knoff

Why?

1st rule of VampChron: read between the lines

Daniel loves that Armand is a monster. Armand loves that Daniel is human. These two are deeply romantically and erotically in love with one another as species as well as people

Daniel wants to be a vampire with Armand. Armand wants to experience as much of a human life as possible with Daniel

Becoming a vampiric predator is Daniel's greatest wish. Yet Armand is so vigilant over Daniel's humanity he will not let him see him kill even when he begs

This is the fundamental dynamic of their lives together between 1977 and 1985

The 'flight gap' that Daniel inserts into his story to tease Lestat simultaneously with a 'sex gap' - leaving out the method by which he and Armand journeyed from Pompeii to Rome just as he leaves out what they were doing in that hotel bed he awakens in next morning- is an effective device, to cause the reader to compare Armand to Pandora and the other vamps revealed to be able to fly for the first time in this volume, think about what other vampiric powers Armand is logically using- and intentionally inserted by Rice in that sexual context

Riceian vamps cannot possess humans, that is beyond them, but Akasha speaks in detail to Lestat of using mind gift to enter human minds and psychically know their experience and senses secondhand. Other vampires speak of it in other volumes

Just as he did with Denis, Armand can share, can savor Daniel's sensual experiences in his mind

Or Armand can go into the mind of any third who is in their bed

Any strong vampire could do this. Armand himself is particularly talented with mind gift 

Armand is excited vampirically by human physiological responses to sexual pleasure- canonically Riceian vampire bodies don't have libido and they don't have orgasm- but the ecstatic peak from blood, and erotic pleasure they get from their vamp senses of touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste, make orgasm seem trite. Witnessing human sexual pleasure can be temendously eroticly satisfying to a vampire

The context lends itself to the opposite question- why not? They are living a life together in NYC, involved in the real world of 20something culture surrounding them. They are a young, horny, bisexual couple during the 1977-81 zenith of the sexual revolution when swinging became mainstream, and both are getting something out of encounters with thirds

Daniel tells us "I am the Devil's minion and he gives me my every wish." Armand showers him with satisfaction of human desires: plentiful and varied entertainment and intellectual pursuits, fine food and drink, safety, freedom and adventure, luxurious properties and beautiful possessions, novel and plentiful sex is naturally on this list of good things. Armand confirms "tell me what you want, Daniel, and I'll get it for you"

Daniel feels "passion" for these thirds, loves the "Hot, nerve-searing" sex

Armand loves it too. It's the sexiest virtual reality game ever and playing it was his idea

Armand genuinely being "tender", him genuinely "approving" of Daniel's "passion", this affirmation sends Daniel in "ever greater abandon" the intensity is enormous, more so for "dual purpose": being shared by his telepathic lover

And then the sex is done and Armand's mind is back on his vampiric body and Daniel is left looking at him sitting cool and unaffected across the room, Daniel feels empty and cold, of course he does: it's sub drop, and he's resentful of the unfair imbalance that Armand can play at this but Daniel is totally shut out of vampirism, and more inescapably human than ever in these post-coital moments

Daniel describes their thirds as "these unfortunates" because as a fellow human he knows they can't really consent to being used as Armand's virtual reality avatar. They are taking up a role similar to Denis's silver plates of meats and fish and they can never understand that because they don't believe in telapathic vamps

Thirds are also "unfortunates" because Daniel is just as uncertain as we are- as with so many thing with TDM, grasping Daniel's uncertainty is crucial- if they may end up Armand's dinner once they are out of his sight. No matter how many roomfulls of humans Armand seduces with a twitch of his finger, no matter how "in love" they feel with Armand, Armand loves only Daniel. And you can bet your ass that kicks Daniel's pedal. He's no lamb, our Daniel. That hard vampire kink is a serious kind of darkness

The fact that Daniel is bisexual: feeling "passion" for both the women and the men, not a hetero/homo/ace lamb suffering rape on the regular by Armand-as-depraved-bisexual-nasty-stereotype isn't a matter of 'how the reader would prefer to headcanon Daniel'. It is crucial understanding

Crucial in understanding Armand's development from suffering because he had selfishly manipulated Louis to respecting his lover and giving him self-determination, to learning to love selflessly even at cost to himself. TDM is Armand's redemption story. Any comprehension of his character arc is lost with misreading of Daniel's genuine "passion" for both the women and men

And crucial understanding of Daniel, who is slammed with surprise horror at his bloodlust and murderousness once he is a vampire. He thought he was proving he could be a bit predatory with these thirds, as with joining in Armand's exploitative billionairism, but even as Armand shared the adventure of robbing and looting he would not let Daniel see him massacre narcotic traffickers. Armand let him maintain his romantic delusions that feeding on human death was not horrible, a horrible price to pay for immortality. This understanding is lost with misreading Daniel as humiliated in the encounters with thirds

Daniel describes Armand in this context as a "tender" "Cupid". Passion is not a synonym for rape. Tender is not a synonym for assault. Cupid is not a synonym for rapist. Listen to the text. Take the text at its word

The Devil's Minion does not exist in isolation. It exists within and is illuminated by, and in turn illuminates, other parts of TQOTD story, and other volumes

In a way this paragraph is the key to understanding The Devil's Minion thread of TQOTD, and all the nuance between the lines can only be unlocked with the illumination of *all* the lore in the first three books

Against-text headcanons are wonderful, fun, personally beloved and the indispensable fulcrum for transformative fanwork. No one wants to stamp on anyone's personal straight, transmasculine, strictly gay, asexual, enby, victimised, or other Daniel Molloy. Because VC is a series, a grasp of the actual textual canon of each volume is necessary to other volumes and understanding the characters arcs developed across volumes

And it's a bit disingenuous to accuse the TV show of 'straightwashing' Daniel into bisexuality. A good working definition of bisexuallity is feeling sexual passion for men and for women. Bisexual is and has always been Daniel's textual orientation.

#daniel molloy #armand #devils minion #vampire chronicles meta #amc iwtv #vampire chronicles #amc interview with the vampire #devil's minion #armand x daniel #armand/daniel #iwtv 2022 #interview with the vampire #tvc #vc #vc meta #anne rice #vc fanart #iwtv meta #Armand/denis #Armand x denis #The Devil's Minion is constructed as intricately as the freaking taj mahal

[camillabanilla]

The "death"/rebirth cycle of the Ever After; it's chekhov's plot device now. Like it HAS to come into play, somehow. To that end, we have three characters that have forgotten their "purpose" aka identity crisis island.

Ruby: does NOT have it in her to fight. If she does, her heart won't be in it, and I can't see her fighting since she can barely look at crescent rose without a panic attack. She no longer considers herself a hunter. Her identity is eroding, and no one is any wiser. Honestly this is kinda scary, like this kiddo is keeping this depression to herself and she needs to ask for help, but she won't and everything comes out all at once in a Very Bad Way. Too close to real life.

That being said, ideally Ruby discovers that it's okay for her to have bad days, to ask people for help, and feel her emotions. Honestly she reminds me of Riley from Inside Out. She takes the "bad" parts, and makes them a proper part of her self. The spectre of Summer no longer haunts her and Salem's taunts lose their effectiveness. You can even say, her painful memories and emotions "temper" her resolve. 👀

Jaune: my baby boi is a mess right now I don't even know where to begin. Yeah he was doing so great for volume 7-8 but maybe that just means he had the furthest to fall (get it lol)? Like he finally feels okay with himself, he's the team healer. He's not the type of guy to think of a mercy kill as heroics and it's literally the opposite of a heal so that entire cornerstone of his personality has been smashed. He's regressed to a place of self doubt. Except this time the stakes have risen and it's not that he can't become a hero, it's that he briefly was a hero and failed miserably (in his eyes). God even his angst is mature.

I feel like his trauma is different from Ruby's trauma in the way that hers is very psychological and deals with things that have happened to her, and Jaune's trauma deals with the things he's DONE or not done.

Shout out to the weirdness of him being super old now, but aside from becoming grumpy has moved on/changed on the least of all the characters. Like just look at the guy, he's literally rusting, even his new armor! His hair is long and unkempt compared to his previous fresh cut, and his broken ass sword is still....a broken ass sword.

He needs to forgive himself. Accept that all he can do is his best and it might not always be enough, but the world would be worse off without him. Sometimes being a hero involves doing the really hard thing, so that other people won't have to suffer. Like, reminiscent of Ironwood minus the paranoia and bullheadedness. Maybe he learns that he truly did help Louis and Alyx. Perhaps even, the tree requires Jaune and Ruby's help in resetting itself and he learns the benefit of a figurative rebirth. That sometimes death is necessary. That last one is icky.

Neo: our little murder goblin. Her sense of self is harder to pinpoint since we know her less well, and it seems like most of her motivation is "do crimes" and "do crimes with Roman". So I'm going to treat her like a villain for the most part. I do think she'll get some kind of closure on how Roman died: that if you fuck around, you find out/get eaten by a Grimm. I do find it interesting that we haven't seen diddly of her since she landed, like she's almost disappeared. Her semblance is wack and even though semblance evolution is a thing, I get the feeling that something about the Ever After is doin it for her. I don't think she has a good shot at coming out of this alive tbh.

But back to her "losing herself", she doesn't seem well. Maybe she thought Cinder would be her new partner in crime and she's super not taking that well? That could solidify that Roman was her one and only person, and she'll never experience that again

She won't go out in a blaze of glory without her either becoming a cautionary tale for not letting go of someone, or realizing for herself that she and Roman only have themselves to thank for their fate. Either way, I think she goes down with the tree. As much as I ship her and Fox, she's way too Chaotic Evil. I feel like there should be more to her story, but I can't pin it down.

#rwby volume 9 spoilers #rwby volume 9 #ruby rose #jaune arc #neo politan #rwby vol9 #huffing my own thoughts here like farts in a jar

[28whitepeonies]

Hi Bea, hope it's okay for me to ask this, being part of the spectrum it's quite hard for me to understand things and evaluate them. Been IA for a past few months and I finally got to hear the new Louis' Zach Sang interview!! and I'm quite confused on why some people here said that Louis confirmed that he indeed have a choking kink but I've replayed it several times and I never heard him said yes about that? Am I just stupid or ? All I've understand that he's an andrenaline junkie. Help me out?

Hi friend

You are welcome in my inbox any time.

You are not stupid. If I think anyone is stupid, it is the people listening to that interview and coming away saying that Louis confirmed anything of the sort. I went back and listened again to remind myself exactly how that part of the convo went and because I want to be really clear about what Louis said, and for ease of reference, I've transcribed that section and put it under the cut.

I think it is reasonably clear what Louis is telling us here, and I think anything fans are saying about how this proves he has a choking kink is them justifying their behaviour. He talks a lot in general about how much he loves the energy of live shows, and the way that he almost feeds off that. What he described in Zach Sang was why he loves going down to barricade so much - that feeling he gets stepping out on stage is amplified, it's ten times stronger and better when he's down there with fans. He describes that as being the best part of the performance by far. I think it is clear this is a part of the show that Louis really loves.

None of what he loves does he describe as being related to the way fans behave and he does talk about it getting too much when a fan put their hands on his genitals. To suggest that anything Louis said in that interview, or elsewhere until now, means he consents to it, never mind that it signifies his enjoyment of it, shows a blatant disregard for what consent actually means and is genuinely quite terrifying. And every time a fan says something like "oh but look at hime he loves it" or "omg he's got a choking kink" they contribute to the environment where someone feels they can put their hands on his genitals without his permission.

I want to also take a second to focus on what he said about that Burberry shirt which was ripped and he said that wearing a button up was his 'first mistake'. I think it's quite likely Louis won't wear a shirt like that again, and that's an example of him being faced with a choice over changing what he wears to avoid fan's being able to pull his clothes off or wearing what he likes and being faced by that behaviour and I think that's representative of the bigger issue here.

Louis clearly loves the experience of being in the pit but being in the pit means fans touching him without his consent in a manner that could be quite harmful (whether that's a hand round his throat or a hand on his genitals). But I want to be really, really clear about this - Louis going back to barricade does not equal consent. I’d also like to be clear that whatever kinks Louis might have aren’t relevant - that wouldn’t make this a consensual interaction.

[The transcript is below.]

Zach: I see photos of you on the barricade... you allow people to touch you

Louis: Yeah, oh yeah man sometimes it gets pretty crazy

Zach: Oh you've been choked

Louis: Yeah do you know what that happened at like one show and then I swear like every other show now someone's got their hand on my neck. It got a little bit weird when someone grabbed my dick one show and that was a little bit extra, that was a bit too much.

Zach: A little bit?

Louis: Yeah, yeah, but I'm not going to lie, and without going into specifics about whatever they do when I'm down there, the feeling that I get when I walk out for the first song and I see the crowd for the first time, that's like one-tenth of the feeling when I go down into the pit. It's like that feeling kind of bottled up and thrown over you, and there's so much energy and so much intensity in those moments that it is by far my favourite part of the show.

Zach: It is gross, seeing people stick their fingers in your mouth

Louis: That was weird!! Did you see that yeah?! I watched the video and I think I thought that was the mic or something, I looked a little bit confused in that video. I don't even remember it, that's the other thing, once you're down there it all happens so quick and it's so chaotic. Like I remember watching that video back and I don't even remember it happening.

Zach: That energy does make you think, it changes perspective, as it relates to music and impact and really understanding who you are performing to

Louis: Definitely, definitely, not quite got round to fully immersing myself in the crowd. Maybe next tour.

Zach: To be honest, they're getting very personal and handsy. [To the camera] Like watch your hands.

Louis: It gets intense I will say that. Across South America, different gravy that. It was amazing/scary at the same time. Incredible. I had a shirt ripped off me, a nice Burberry shirt, a button up that was my first mistake, I went with a button up shirt. I went down and they literally just pulled it from me and just completely ripped it to shreds.

Dan: That must be a weird experience though? Because with One Direction you guys never got to get that close to the crowd did you?

Louis: No, I feel like there might have been in the earlier days, I personally did do a bit of that. I don't know on what song, you're hardly going to go down to WMYB and immerse yourself in the pit, but yeah it is. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I had an experience even remotely similar to that. It is by far the best part of the show and I've seen some of my fans speculate like 'Why does he like that? It looks scary and intense or whatever' but that's kind of why it's exciting. There is an element of danger to it that makes it feel really amazing. Like I said before, if you understand what a feeling of adrenaline is, it is like times ten in that moment. It's unavoidable, it is on top of you almost.

#anon #Louis and barricade #consent #I have zero tolerance for the kind of shit from fans #where they say #oh but look at him he loves it #also anon #I meant to say I hope you enjoyed the interview

[writteninthesewalls28]

The most amazing sunset

A "Family" one shot

A/n: This work is part of the "be my valentine challenge" by @bemyvalentinechallenge for the day 8 prompt. This is also a one shot from my own fanfiction series that I've been writing for quite some time now.

Summary: Milly and Calum watch the sunset together and get really emotional.

Warnings: mention of death, not proof read

The sunsets during the summer months in Sydney are truly beautiful.

Me and Calum always travel for at least one week to Sydney in December to go and visit all the old places where we made history together.

And one place was the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the place where he first said "I love you". It was always something special to see the sun go down and just experience the moment (and yes, take some photos and polaroids, because… well. I want something to feed my instagram with).

"Isn´t it beautiful?" I said, looking to Calum, who stood next to me, staring at the sun.

"Yeah, this place never fails to make me happy." He responded, not once looking away from the sunny light. "It always makes me feel so emotional. This is kind of where everything started, isn´t it?"

Yeah, it definitely was.

Just 3 years ago, we stood here and I was crying in Calum arms. My mom had died just a few weeks ago and I couldn´t cope with it. He and Louis were the only thing keeping me together at that point. The year before, I went here alone because Calum had been on tour and couldn´t travel to Sydney with me. Probably the most sad and disappointing moment for me during our relationship. This place just doesn´t feel the same without him.

And well. Then there was our first time actually sharing this moment together, our first "I love you", the words I had waited for during the last whole year to hear from him, but didn´t have the courage to say it. We were teenagers. Silly, little teenagers.

But it had been amazing.

"yeah, exactly." I said, responding to his question.

"You know, I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." He suddenly said, looking at me from the side.

I gave him a confused look. Does that mean, he had wanted to be parted from me once?

"I´m so scared, I could loose you one day because of a stupid little misunderstanding or something and I just couldn´t live with the fact that we could not be looking out for each other some day." he explained and I started to understand what he meant.

Most people take the people they love for granted and don´t feel grateful enough for them. As soon as you start working as a lawyer, that often changes because you learn about all these terrible situations some people are stuck in, often involving friends and family. It´s pretty sickening sometimes.

"Yeah, I get that. But you know, it wouldn´t be that hard for you to find someone new to love. You are a famous superstar, women love you." I said, too scared to look at him.

This place does something with you, it makes you reveal secret thoughts you never knew you would ever share with someone.

"no, no, no, no. Please never say that!" Calum said, touching my chin and gently pushing it over to him so I had to look in his gorgeous eyes. "You are the most beautiful woman, I could ever meet. Look at you, your hair, your cutely imperfect skin I love so much… I could maybe get other women, but none of them would be as amazing as you. I wouldn´t want to live without you by my side, Milly!" He sighs and adds: "And by the way, you are also the most brave person I´ve ever met. No one would just go and search for their biological parents on their own. But you do."

He wrapped me in a hug and I immediately felt a lot better.

"I couldn´t live without you, Calum. It feels like I can´t breathe when you´re not around me or I don´t know where you are right now. You make me feel like myself Calum Thomas Hood."

And with that, we enjoyed the last few minutes with the stunning sunlight shining over the Sydney Harbour Bridge and stood there, arms wrapped around each other.

Yeah, I´d never want to be parted from him ever again.

#bemyvalentine2024 #bemyvalentineno8 #quote #reader x niall horan #original character #not proof read #tw character death #maddys writing #maddys fics

[statementlou]

BTW Love the growth from OTB, where it's about reassurance and realization, to BTM, where it's about acceptance and growth. God, Louis' queer-coded lyricism should be talked a lot more also

I sat on this for a minute cause I didn't think I was going to answer it, cause if I did it might just be to say, I don't necessarily think it's that simple, and what does being a grinch add to anything! But I realized I do actually have something to say, although it isn't what you were looking for anon, so, sorry about that. See, what I have been thinking is amazing about Louis' lyricism (and has shown big growth between Walls and FITF) and needs to be discussed more is its versatility, its prismatic blank slate qualities even while being so specific. What I mean is: his signature style is to write lyrics that are straightforward and easily understood as telling a clear story (certain trippy dance numbers excepted obv ;). But what's remarkable is that despite their seeming simplicity and easiness to read, a LOT of his songs can be perceived in a practically infinite number of ways, with every different interpreter absolutely confident in the rightness of their read. So yes, I personally happen to believe Bigger Than Me (and some other songs such as All This Time) are in part about Louis' queer experience. But every lyric that I think that about can also very easily mean something else- they can pass as generic radio songs about nothing, or as songs about experiences non queer listeners have had about any number of things, or as being about his career generally, or in most cases as boilerplate love songs. In the lead up to this album Louis talked about how he wanted people to come up with their own interpretations of the songs a lot, which I laughed at because he then kept saying what they meant to him anyway, but I think I get now why he said that so much just now in particular- I think the way it's possible to make almost any meaning from them is something he did knowingly and with great skill (and put hard work into), and deserves to be recognized. Like maybe one thing he was writing about was the queer interpretation, but then he also made them be about the fans generally and his life and love and 5 other things, while shaping them to be malleable and universal enough that all that fits into these extremely simple lines. And I think that people insisting they know what his songs are about and that it can only be one thing actually erases that work and skill that he, I believe, is rightfully proud of, and that deserves appreciation. Also it doesn't fit anywhere but I would like to add two other thoughts: one, sometimes part of a song can be about one thing or be literal but other parts can be made up or from something else sometimes for as little reason as to make it rhyme, and two this is a whole essay probably but I'm thinking a lot lately about how Louis talks about being honest in his writing and how people think that means the same thing as being literal (writing about his exact life) and actually something can be HONEST, like can talk about feelings and thoughts that really happened while depicting made up events (see: fiction/ literature generally), without being LITERALLY TRUE (this is a thing that is exactly how it happened in my life) so just throwing that in here also.

#there are a lot of reasons I find it hard to believe Land H are still together #but ISTG there just keep being more in the 'by god they really are??wtf' column against all odds! #so I simply have to shrug and be like damn. those crazy mfers. they really are huh #and one of them for me is them having these conversations (with a friend!) that they both talk about #and say the same things #and then go and do the exact same fucking things #and one of those things that they haven't explicitly said #but both started doing at the same fucking time #is being like oh you know what I'm going to do now #I'm going to write about stuff that isn't relationships #just...other stuff. where I'm from and how things change and how change is hard #friends' heartbreak. yknow just stuff. that happens to be the same as someone elses stuff #anyway I have all these thoughts about them writing less about their relationship/s and how much it feels to me like a thing telling me #that they are still together. but that's a whole other post probably #also #there's no point in making a fuss about it so I just left it out like whatever who cares #but Only The Brave is not inherently queer like... it just isn't #it can be read that way!! (as can literally everything apparently I saw someone saying OOMS was obviously queer the other day for example) #but its not obvious or inherent or inarguable #louis songwriting #blah blah blah #honest but not literal #thinking about how one of the most impressive things louis does is get a lot into a tiny number of words #and how bad I am at that 😂 #genuinely its so much easier to use 1000 words to get a point across then to distill it so its one sentence

[cowboyjen68]

dear jen, i'm in a little bit of an impasse.

i grew up in the deep countryside and moved to the city for grad school. i've been there for two years now and i can't take more, the big city is too overwhelming and i know i'd be happier back in the countryside.

the main problem is that there's basically no rural queer community in my country, and i'm afraid of being constantly lonely and having to deal with bigoted people all around me- for example, i could never have come out around where i grew up. how did you make the jump away from big cities (if you ever lived in one?)? how do i make peace with the fact that my physical and mental health needs are so distanced from my social needs ?

Ah.. country mouse in the big city. I grew up in a mid range town Cedar Rapids and moved to sort of a suburban rural community between Cedar Rapids and Iowa City in 4th grade. We had kind of a "best of both worlds". Not totally isolated but definitely rural.

I had friends from isolated small towns and after lots of experiences boiled it down to The Theatre. Yeah. Movie theaters. If a town had a movie theatre they had a small grocery store. Those two things meant they never HAD to leave town. Having food and entertainment nearby meant isolation from larger populations. If there was no theatre or grocery the teens and young adults were exposed to larger towns, other people, just out of necessity to get groceries and see movies (which in the 80's were the biggest form of teen enertainment next to malls and roller skating).

I did not go to the University of Iowa. Iowa City seemed WAY too large and distracting. I chose a small college in Kirksville Missouri. My parents (probably knowing I was a lesbian) were like "ARE YOU SURE?" Lol. Yep and off I went.

I did move to Iowa City for grad school (didn't finish) and that is where i met my first girlfriend and the bulk of my lesbian friend circle. Some people will laugh at me thinking Iowa CIty was BIG city. For me it was. In college I took road trips to Chicago, Minneapolis, St. Louis and Kansas City. And in my 20's travelled to New York and Washinton DC for gay prides and protestes so I know a "big" city and I Know I would miserable there.

I chose my house on a whim. That whim being my ex found it and loved it and when my femme girlfriend said "I want this house. Well, we got this house. LUCKILY it is fairly close to CR and IC. While I have only one neighbor (just the right number) who I can see and I live 2 miles from my town of 400 and some I can get to the bigger city in 20 minutes. I work in Iowa City. Isolation is something I can break if I need to or want to.

My suggestion is to seek out employment where you can own rural property but live with in an easy drive to a mid sized city. There is a lot to be said for not so huge metropoliton cities. The midwest, mid sized cities work incredibly hard to create a vibrant social scene. They sponsor art galleries, Artsy Fartsy parts of town for locally owned businesses. Down town enertainment venues etc.

Small town or rural living does not have to mean isolation. It can offer the best of both worlds. When I am done peopling I can drive the 30 or 45 minutes home and see no one from the outiside world if I don't want to. I can sit in silence of my front deck and watch the stars come out.

The internet has opened up the ability to search and explore areas to settle without visiting until you have narrowed the field.

IF my only choice was the big city I think I would seek out neighborhoods where they have an investment in their area. If there are neighborhood gatherings or a clear attempt to share the space as more than just individual homes. In other words, a place where everyone is connected as neighbors and puts time into making it a community. Sometimes pockets of neighbors can create a small town feel within a larger city. It can be nice to know that Carol next door will check on your cats or that Bob down the street waves hello and snowblows the whole side walk just to be nice.

American big cities definitely have these but I don't know how other countries work. Sometimes it is based on sharing an ethnic background but sometimes it is just a lucky gathering of the right types of people.

I know of a few other lesbians in my county. But beyond that all of my friends live within a decent driving distance with two gay bars with in 40 miles. Finding a balance is possible. But it takes research.

Facebook has some pages for rural LGBT+ people to connect and they can be helpful in giving advice on where they live and how it is for them. I bet discord or tumblr might have similar places to "meet" and find out about different regions in your country.

#rural life #country living #rural lgbt

[whatiwillsay]

hi cam! before i say something i just want you to know i absolutely adore your blog and pod and all the work you put in it! i have recently come across it in the past months while deepdiving gaylor and its been a wonderful experience(your blog is the most level headed and rational + well researched) so thank you for making the experience so nice!!!

while i was looking at all the tswift posts i realized you do more than just gaylor takes, it's a lot of popculture so out of curiosity i searched up larry on your blog. i was a tiny bit deflated to see you don't believe in it despite all your researching and that's okay! we all have different opinions! (im a hardcore larry truther though) i know you've said you've researched larry to the bone but i've also seen that you're always open to a different pov and change in opinion so maybeee :D im not here to ruthlessly convert you but i just wanted to drop a suggestion! if you ever have the time, please check out cosmicleeds larry timelines on youtube! they are just like your timelines, well researched, debunking of the over the top things, and very comprehensive, backed with solid proof! a lot of larry stuff is hard to believe when you weren't personally there but arden does it very well! there's also other videos on them for more context and debunks so just watch them see what happens, give it one more shot who knows? :D otherwise, happy gayloring and camcaking!

i'm glad you enjoy the pod and community! i have researched larry extensively and also talked to a lot of people in the industry that have worked with harry and the other 1d guys, my girlfriend is even friendly with lottie (they collabed on something once i believe) and never in my life have i heard anyone with any connections ever say larry was real.

i put most of my thoughts on the matter into this episode:

long story short larry is probably never something i'd believe in unless harry and louis told me to my face they were together. could i see a crush on harry's part? maybe! i do know he's queer. could there have been some experimentation when they were young? yes definitely possible.

but as far as i know, louis and harry weren't even friends anymore by the end of 1d and certainly were never boyfriends and most of what larries have as evidence is coincidences, fan service from the guys, and harry's expressions of his own queerness that had nothing to do with louis.

i have seen just about every larry video on youtube (me and @thatskepticalbitchcara use to watch them when we were losing it in the depth of quarantine) and have seen a lot of cosmicleeds' stuff.

no hate tho, i know how enticing ships can be. larry will never be that ship for me though i know too many people who have debunked it to me.

[dictee]

what are your thoughts on the bit of the ep5 DV scene where claudia is running upstairs and we hear lestat's voice from upstairs saying to louis 'cheri let's stop this, you don't want to fight like this anymore, i'm trying to restrain myself'. bc it seems like an odd dialogue choice that kind of contradicts what we were shown visually, and makes me a bit uneasy for what the writers might be setting up in season 2 :/

to be honest i'm not really worried about them retconning the fight or being like actually it was somehow mutual or warranted on lestat's part because (1) it doesnt make logistic sense when we very clearly see the immediate aftermath from two perspectives, three if you count lestat's whole i'm so ashamed of myself speech, and (2) every discussion from the cast + writers says otherwise. plus it would be egregiously bad gimmicky writing to tear out a keystone of the plot and themes like that. AND everything in the assault scene is very much built up to by the rest of the show. like lestat's capacity for violence + their fundamental emotional disconnect + the insane power dynamic that has been built into their relationship since day one.

that's definitely a moment where i remember being like i would kill to know what exactly is going on here right now like that + when claudia is sitting down and louis says it's okay claudia stay where you are it's over. it's not a stretch that we might be missing something that they might revisit in later seasons. but i think it's well established that like. literally the most egregious vicious thing louis could have done or said in that moment could not have warranted what we see happen immediately after. "i am trying to restrain myself" is such a Line. it's clarified when he's pulling Louis down the alley and he says "i fought myself a million times, fought my nature, controlled my temper." i think it's very characteristic to this kind of abuse too like from the controlling patriarch with anger issues to say "you MADE me do this." he's not trying to restrain himself from parrying too hard in self defense. he's trying to restrain himself from going into an all-encompassing sadistic rage. everything after they go outside is not part of a fight. louis has already lost the fight at that point. it's punitive. also i think this post is correct in saying that the incongruity and the broken mirrors don't mean claudia is lying. it's more about the experience of spousal abuse from the perspective of their child. desperately afraid not just because of what's happening but because you don't know what's going on. similarly like. "was it raining louis" isn't about or isn't JUST about louis lying to himself and to daniel. it's about how trauma shatters memory.

#abuse / #domestic violence / #iwtv #i had a whole thing breaking down each beat of the fight but im actually deciding i dont want to think about it more rn LOL #man. 😐

[if-i-had-a-voice-i-would-sing]

TBC 30 day challenge

Day 21: fav 1:1

As many others before me have said, this is a hard choice to make simply because of how meaningful every 1:1 I was lucky enough to get was to me. All of them felt profoundly intimate and personal, and all of them left their mark on my heart.

In terms of emotional significance, I’d find it very hard to rank them! However, in terms of bonus content, so to speak, of secret parts of the set and hidden character facets, I cannot deny that Kronos wins.

My Kronos 1:1 was in the evening show of my first double, back in June of this year, with Louis; it was absolutely breathtaking, and I was so thrilled to be experiencing it all that my face actually ached from smiling so much after the fact!

I’ll add a more in-depth discussion of the 1:1 itself under the cut, if anyone is interested.

First off, I’m obsessed with the set & mechanics that go into this 1:1. Exploring a hidden room by torchlight was exciting enough, but laying down under a car, being wheeled under it, only to find yourself looking at a labyrinth? That’s some next level detail! The plastic sheeting labyrinth, the Minotaur head, all of it was just so thrilling to experience.

And, of course, even with an incredible setup like that, it takes an equally wondrous performer to guide you through a 1:1, and Louis was that performer! I’ve read many accounts of this 1:1 as being a softer side of Kronos (at least from Louis), but for me it was as though he could tell that I could take the scares, and was testing me.

From the jump, he was very stern and severe, staring at me and growling whilst I tried the door, and continuing to glower at me even as I giggled at my foolishness - silly me, the door needs a key! Even whilst teasing me with the key, dangling it for me to take and then snatching it away at the last second, he never broke this deeply intimidating gaze that he’d locked me in, even as I giggled more and more until I finally caught the key.

As we sat down and prepared to lie under the car, he told me about someone he’d lost. It was confusing and vague, and mostly has been lost in my memory due to the general excitement of that day, but I know that he told me “I’m going to save her this time. I’ll do it right. This time I can keep her safe.” Apparently this little character detail is only present in Louis’ interpretation of the role, so I feel extra lucky to have experienced it! Who is this mystery woman? Who does the stone-faced Kronos care for enough to actually emote?

As though to make up for this flash of vulnerability, once we were under the car he gripped so tightly to my shoulder, and began making a shrieking, growling, hissing sound. Quietly at first, but growing, moving closer and closer as we journeyed under the car, until I could feel his lips against my ear, getting louder and louder until that rasping rattle was all there was. Just his inhuman screech and the labyrinth above us, foretelling my doom.

Then darkness. Hands gripping me, whirling me to my feet and beginning to push me through a labyrinth of transparent plastic sheets. The disorientation and flickering lights, all a perfect primer for the final jumpscare - Kronos has become the minotaur.

I got the feeling throughout that because of my early giggling, and my persistent grin, Kronos (or perhaps Louis) was testing my bravery, pushing me to see how frightening things could get before I broke. And break I did not! As a very hardened horror fan with no regard for my own safety, I was delighted the entire time, and even moreso when things got especially intense and spooky.

I’ve heard people say they full-on screamed at the minotaur jumpscare, and honestly I’m a little jealous! Instead my reaction was to stare up into those big dark eyes, and smile as widely as I could until the lights went out again. Then, after having my white mask placed back on my face, I stumbled out into the border of Mycenae.

While other 1:1s have felt more emotional, there is no doubt that Kronos’s 1:1 is a whole adventure, and it’s one that I wish I could be swept away by again.

#the burnt city #immersive theatre #punchdrunk #tbc 30 day challenge