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opinated-user · 7 months

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Something that I've been thinking about since seeing Lily go, "When's the last time you read a fanfic with themes?" is that I'm sorry no fanfic spoke to her like one spoke to me.

There's a Shazam! movie fanfic called Drown The Echoes Out by Khrysoprase. In it, Billy is a survivor of CSA, and it is impacting his ability to integrate into a normal family, make friends and have a healthy relationship. And it is a thing of beauty. Themes? You want themes? How about the theme of goodness and badness not being inherent states you come born with but instead being something you can choose to do or not do, exemplified in how multiple main characters act and how Billy tries to process who he is? How about the theme of how trauma alters you but it doesn't make you unlovable, with every member of the main cast having been through something and still being able to find a better tomorrow? What about the theme of extending kindness and empathy towards not only others but yourself, which is what hauls multiple characters out of their downward spirals? What about the ongoing theme that it's normal and natural to have conflicted, sometimes contradictory feelings about your abuser and it doesn't mean you wanted the abuse or did anything wrong?

That fic got me to admit to myself what I went through was abuse. It got me to try therapy. And the ending fucking had me bawling because even the anger of victims is not depicted as villainous, you are not obligated to forgive, and someone having been abused before they abused you doesn't absolve them of guilt. It wasn't a Lily-style "kill your abusers!!! it's the ONLY WAY!!!", it was, "I understand why you would want to, but you don't deserve to live with the consequences of that crime, you deserve a good life" and it hit like a ton of bricks.

I'm sorry that the only fanfic Lily ever read with CSA in it were ones she wrote and not ones where victims find healing and love. It could have helped her a lot. Seeing someone be a CSA survivor whose partner loves them, is willing to wait and respects their boundaries? Beautiful. Seeing a CSA survivor's entire family come together to support them? Kept me alive in my moments of darkness. Finding a happy ending after all the pain and trauma and the long, hard process of healing? It was everything to me.

I wish she'd read something that hauled her out of her downward trajectory. I wish fandom had been to her what it is to me.

But because she's an anti and her whole thing is "if you write it you endorse it! never mention dark topics!", although that's a public facade, it resulted in her never giving fanfics like that a chance. She never sat down and read something like that because she never would allow herself to admit a fanfic that addresses CSA could have literary worth. Smut worth, sure, but not worth as a story where we only glimpse the abuse and we bear full witness to the aftermath, because that anti mindset is "depiction = endorsement", and on some level, like how many Puritans were sexual predators, she believes her bullshit even as she does the opposite.

Fanfics have themes, Lily. But you'd have to put a toe outside your comfort zone in order to find them.

she doesn't read, that's all there's to it. she has even bragged about this in more than one ocassion as if it was meant to be a good thing. she's a profoundly ignorant person who barely enjoys the art of literature as it is, but still wants to believe like she has any authority to speak on it. that's why i say any take she could have about fanfic, writers or readers, is completely moot.

#lily orchard

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miraakulous-cloud-district · 1 year

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I was tagged by @bougainvillea-and-saltwater to do this amazingly cool tag game and share the "theme songs" of my fic, all instrumental!! You had such a wonderful idea with this tag game, dear 🥰🥰 **Edit, since this has been in the drafts, @shitty-drawer also tagged me💖💖 Thank you so much, and I actually tagged you in this game 🤣 You were faster than me in posting it.

I thought it was going to be easy, as I listen to a ton of instrumental music, because I also like to always have music in the background! But going off of vibes, this is how I associate music to my fic "Wherever you go, there you are":

"Miasma" by Ghost. This is Ravonna’s theme song. This one, I feel like, it encapsulates Mage!Ravonna perfectly. And that saxophone solo? Groovy! Just like her and her bard side. It also feels like a beautifully threatening song, in a way, and I think it fits her perfectly. The second song for her, because I simply cannot only choose one is "Faronell's Division" by John Playford. This one represents her sassyness as well as her impulsiveness, with all the changes in rhythm

For Miraak, I'm going with "Gnossienne No.5" by Erik Satie, because of the ✨️gentleness✨️ and this song heals the soul, and he's a healer, sooo yeah. The second one I choose for him is "A watering hole in the harbor" by Adam Skorupa; this is such a joyful song, and I feel like it really encapsulates the "I have no idea what y'all are doing, but I'm joining in and I'm so happy to be here" vibe that Miraak has once he gets more comfortable and lets go of the Miraak persona and embraces his true self <3

Now for the WYGTYA as a whole and general vibes:

I find myself listening to "Thunderbrew" by David Arkenstone a lot while writing, and since it has such a tavern-y vibe to it, this could be the theme for the fellowship whenever they are at a tavern having fun, drinking, eating and being in their natural habitat 🤣

"People of the land" by Jan Valta is the absolute perfect song for showing beautiful landscapes of both Morrowind and Skyrim, while also being the perfect song for Ravonna’s inner struggles to figure out whether she feels more at home in Skyrim, the land of her people, or in Morrowind, the land where she grew up. This is also the Civil War storyline theme, in my heart :')

"City of Sails" by Inon Zur is a theme that I don't know how to explain, without giving away spoilers :)))) It has ties to Ravonna's family, but will also represent the land of High Rock (yes, the story will go there too🤣) Also this one is one of those songs that I am kind of emotionally attached to, for some reason. I just wish I lived within this song, in a way.

And for the extra ocs:

For Endryn, I have "Tavern" by Jason Hayes, this one is pretty obvious, he is my beloved innkeeper dunmer oc who adopted Ravonna. He was very friendly, kind, stressed and quite funny, dad joke expert.

For Hjaldir, my other beloved oc, the nord bard that worked at the Inn where Ravonna grew up, because he is an ex-pirate, I'm going for "Moonlight Serenade" by Klaus Badelt. I don't associate him with the character Jack Sparrow all that much, but this song draws the perfect image of a charming and charismatic pirate, and the tune is incredibly melodious, so it really fits his bard persona well! Also, the intense part is perfect for his adventurous and danger-filled life. He's got many, many stories from his pirate days 😉

If you made it until here, I literally love you so much! Thank you for reading my ramblings. I could talk about songs and music all day!

I'm tagging my usual favourite mutuals @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @thelavenderelf @nerevar-quote-and-star Y'all already know you don't have to do this if you don't want to 💖💖 just ignore me and if I'm being annoying with the tag games, do let me know. This is not my intention at all! I will stop tagging you if you don't want to participate.

#skyrim #skyrim fanfiction #wygtya #wygtya stuff #miraak x ldb #miraak x dragonborn #oc: ravonna #miraak #oc: endryn #oc: hjaldir #Spotify

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ratcandy · 3 years

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Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

#clamtalk #VERY long ramble #a hat in time #snatcher #ahit snatcher #subcon forest #vanessa ahit #ahit #analysis #the prince ahit #goes crazy. goes insane #ask to tag #i'm frazzled I can't add more tags I'll do so later

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances. (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good” Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased, then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right? If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #GREAT EPISODE #satisfied paper #final season #Part 1

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dandylion240 · 3 years

Note

All of the story asks please :) (Character specific ones I'd say up to you, but would love to have them be Jonah/Cecil or my usual favorites ;) )

what’s the last screenshot you’ve taken for your story?

2. describe your story in three words or less

Family, Angst, Drama

3. describe (insert character here) in three words or less

Jonah - unassuming, brave sensitive

Cecil - insightful, supportive, caring

Evan - self-sacrificing, helpful, innocent

Jayden - protective, stubborn, active

4. how did you choose the name of your story?

I try to use titles that is kind of thematic of the story I'm writing. It takes me forever to come up with a name and sometimes the name changes multiple times before it gets posted.

5. how do you choose your characters’ names?

It depends upon the story. For my Reagan family stories (TS4) I use the parents names. It's kind of a family tradition. For instance Jonah/Ethan. All boys will start with E and the girls will start with J. In my TS3 stories I sometimes choose a theme for names and use that. Like next gen of NSQL the theme is nature.

6. how long have you been working on your story for?

Well it depends on the story. With my Reagans I started writing for them in the summer of 2019. For my TS3 legacies I started in 2014 I think.

7. whats the biggest risk you’ve taken with your story? did it pay off?

I think my biggest risk is my current story Into the Depths of Darkness. I wasn't sure I could pull it off and the story has changed from what I thought it would be and the hero of the story has changed from first conception. I'm happy that Jonah is the hero of his own story and it's given him so much character growth and he's becoming more of what I always invisioned him being. I owe a lot to @mahvaladara to how the story has progressed and the ideas she has contributed. It wouldn't be what it is without her.

8. what about your story are you proud of?

There are many things I'm proud. Mostly that I continue writing even though sometimes it feels like I'm ripping my heart out to write some of things I write about and also that I don't quit even when it's hard.

9. what about your story are you looking to improve on?

There's always things that can be improved. Writing is a process that the more you do it the more you learn and get better. I could say pictures but I'll admit the storytelling will always come first over pretty pics and sometimes I just can't find the right pose to fit. Maybe one day I'll be able to make my own poses but I'm not there yet.

10. is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? is there a definitive end?

It's a work in progress. I start writing from an outline of how I think the story should go but it's loose enough for me to rearrange things or remove/add things to it as the story evolves.

11. why have you decided to tell this story? are there any messages or meanings within it?

I just like to write. If there's any message in my stories it's that family is important and no matter awful things you might face in life if you have people who love and care for you that you can endure it. But mostly that you can rise above your circumstances and still be a healthy, functioning person despite everything even if you have a mental or health problems, you can still be happy, loved.

12. do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium?

It's mostly a storytelling medium for me. I do play it sometimes but tbh though TS4 lacks so much depth and gameplay I find it boring after a while. I've gotten into playing TS3 again now that I have a better computer that it doesn't lag as much.

13. from basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you?

I don't honestly know. I've never stopped to consider how long it takes.

14. do you have any regrets about your story so far? if you could go back in time, how would you fix these?

No I don't think I have any real regrets. Sure I go back and think I could have written that better or edited that picture more but for the most part I'm happy with my stories.

15. what have been the highlights of creating your story?

The highlights have always been the people who become involved in my characters lives.

16. what about the process do you enjoy?

Seeing my stories come to life. How my characters change as the story progresses.

17. what about the process do you hate?

When I struggle to write a scene and it doesn't flow the way it should. It's generally because I'm coming at it wrong. Once I figure that out than it flows. Sometimes the seeming lack of interest in what I write from the readers is hard to overcome and I feel like quitting. But the few who comment I thank because that always revs up my motivation to continue.

18. choose a song that reminds you of your story

Just one song....that's really difficult say. There are so many songs out that fit my current story. This song fits Into the Depths of Darkness because where there's a lot of darkness there's still hope to be found.

19. choose a song that reminds you of (insert character here)

Ok I'll do this for Jonah - Fight Song

20. choose your favourite shot from your story so far

21. choose your least favourite shot so far

22. choose a favourite character from your story so far

Jonah is my baby. It may not show it by I love him.

23. choose your least favourite character so far

Hmm this is difficult because there were characters I created purely to be hated. Currently my least favorite is Ethan but it's not because I don't love him but it's because of his roll in the story.

24. are there any characters who remind you of yourself?

Not really. There are certain aspects of me in all my characters or people I know in them but none are an incert of myself.

25. what inspirations have you drawn on for your story?

There are so many. I draw inspiration from people around me. From movies and TV shows I watch. The books I read. Sometimes from the people I interact with on here mainly @izayoichan @mahvaladara @jenpants and @legendofsim They've let me bounce ideas off of them and their input helps me in my stories.

26. have other sim stories inspired you?

Yes they have. See above. All their stories have inspired me.

27. what genres would you describe your story as?

Modern fantasy drama??? I have no idea if that's a thing but it best describes what I write.

28. if you could reproduce your story in another medium (movie, novel, comic, etc.) what would you choose and why?

Hmm I'd say novel or maybe series. A movie would be cool too.

29. what would your story’s rating be? (G, PG, M etc.)

Hmm interesting I'd like to say its somewhere between PG-13 and mature just because of some of the topics.

30. if you were leaving simblr and had to choose another creator to continue the story for you, who would you ask?

I think either @izayoichan or @mahvaladara for my TS4 stories since they've helped me write some of them and they would keep true to the characters as they love them as much as I do.

For my TS3 stories I would say @legendofsim since for a long time our stories had been intertwined.

31. drop some random trivia about your story

Ethan was supposed to die trying to save Jonah

Caiden was supposed to have played the part of the hero instead of Jonah

Cory was going to heal Jonah's broken heart over the of Ethan.

But as they say the story changed...

32. give a light spoiler

Someone will be heartbroken at the end of the story.

33. recommend another creator’s story!

There are so many: @izayoichan @mahvaladara @nikatyler @justkeeponsimming @amuhav @legendofsim @simlit @lilyshadowwriter @wannabecatwriter

Please don't be upset if you weren't listed on here. I love everyone I follow but these are my favorites. I have others but some aren't active anymore and stuck with the ones I'm always waiting for the next installment, even if I'm behind on a few of them.

Thank you for asking!

#storyteller asks

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ggukkiereads · 3 years

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hi i'm just vv curious (it's a weird question 😅) sooo, do u have preferences when reading? like maybe you can be immersed in the story more if other character names used are korean (jihyo/taewoo) or american/english (jane/clint)??? and other stuffs

🌷 Hmm interesting question. I assume this question is for fanfics? On name choices? No thoughts, really. I just think they're names to indicate location of the story too. If the story is set in Korea, it's just right to see Korean-named characters. If it's in other location or even a different world (say Fantasy), then having non-korean names also fits the setting. Reader inserts vs named OC, I don't have preferences since I always think of the character as OC (not as 'myself' the reader). Same way how I treat books/novels, which are mostly named OCs (even if the pov is in 2nd or 1st like The Lovely Bones or The Catcher in the Rye).

I guess what's cringey for me is the use of 'oppa'? I get that in Korean context, it's meant to be used by a female for an older male (can be brother or non-related). But I've seen 'Oppa' used in some vids or posts that make me cringe (like the term is used to mean a hot, thirst-inducing male haha or dilf-y but make it slightly older brother vibes). So every time I see the term used in fics, I have to stop myself reacting 😬. But that's just me and my experience seeing how it's been used.

More thoughts about reading preferences under the cut (can't guarantee they're coherent lol)

I also like balance and progression? 'Balance' seems to be a favorite word in my life. Progression - a well developed plot/characters/relationships would be nice. Like don't just add smut as a resolution for the sake of having smut in the scene when the characters clearly have so many issues to resolve that moment. I'd also rather read a smutless fic if it doesn't really need one (sometimes it feels like the smut is forced to be included in the story because I understand a lot of people like smut). Or it's weird if it's hurt/comfort fic and we're in the middle of seeing their development then suddenly it's all smutty/kinky? I'd feel like smut was just forced in the story but end of day it's at the expense of the characters/relationship development. The momentum of healing suddenly feels disregarded too. I understand it must be difficult to develop the story while ensuring that the growth in the plot/characters/relationships is also at the right pace. So, it's not a deal breaker and I'd still read and find things I like/love about the fic.

I guess, same way with slow burn? Like I've read one slow burn that felt like it was so forced to be slow that at one point it almost felt so unnatural or intentional because I'm not seeing any growth in the characters or even the relationships (and the author actually received a lot of comments about this too). So, I call it gratuitous slow burn 😅. Well, I still read it because I still love the story but I had to agree that it felt forced at times to be that slow for the sake of torture lol. On the other hand, I think I posted a rambling about a slow burn fic I'm reading on ao3 where we're already at 260k words and the characters haven't even kissed 🤭. Now, that fic is just perfect 👌. Because the progress of the characters and relationships was just right. We really see character development and we know that once the OC achieved certain level of comfort/safety, things will unfold naturally. So, it doesn't matter to me (if it's really slooow or too angsty or too smutty) as long as there is balance in the story elements (again, it just throws me off a bit when: there's smut for the sake of just inserting it, or making it slow but it's not making sense anymore, or too fast just to race it to the happy ending finish line, or killing characters just to make it angsty even though it's not needed).

I also dislike romanticized concepts on topics which shouldn't be romanticized. I read any genre (even yandere, crime, thriller, infidelity themes), but the feeling I should have after reading should be scared or creeped out. Even with infidelity fics, I read because one, I like angst; second, I want to understand from the characters' pov. It shouldn't feel like 'ooh cheating looks fun' or 'oh he's so hot!' (even though he abused and killed some characters 😅).

I said a lot but honestly I still read even if there are snippets of these in the fic. First, these are just free stories that the author still painstakingly took time to plan, develop and write. Not easy, folks! Second, I feel like I'm being too harsh if I demand these personal 'preferences' of mine over something I'm not even paying for. The least I can do is to show appreciation or 'share' with others (because maybe it's not my cup of tea but it'll end up as someone's favorite.)

It also doesn't mean one can be harsh just because you purchased the book or commissioned it. End of day, let's choose to be kind and focus on good over bad.

If you've reached this part, thank you for reading these ramblings of mine 😂. I actually want to hear other's preferences too when it comes to reading. I know others are nitpicking on grammar or misspellings but I don't really mind these. I feel like people don't have time to edit and that's okay.

Anyway, thank you for this ask, anon. I actually enjoyed answering this. I feel like I put more thought into this vs my responses to my boss' questions about reports hahaha 😂🤣.

Sending you love and hugs wherever you are 🤗.

#🌷 chats #anon #about ggukkiereads

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bootlegsymphony · 4 years

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Being Hopeful [a *personal* Komahina writeup]

*major Danganronpa 2/2.5/3 spoilers ahead*

Someone told me to gather my thoughts into a post so here it is.

Note: Unless you’re up for a challenge to potentially reshape your opinions towards certain ships, if you think Komahina is by default a toxic ship in anyway shape or form, or if you firmly believe that Hinanami is “bestest Hinata ship OTP owo”, it’s not in your best interest to read this post. I’m not suggesting you are invalid or wrong, but you’re likely not the group of people I’m looking forward to having a constructive and evoking conversation with.

First off, I might have been recognized as an avid Komahina shipper, and my opinions towards Hinanami could be generally summarized as ambivalent/mixed/minorly favourable. I was able to acknowledge Hina/Nami’s relationship as of roughly equivalent significance in regard to DR2’s theme.

But it was impossible for me to consider the two relationships narratively equal, I was able to notice that Koma/Hina was a “meant to be” endgame relationship right of the bat, yet Hina/Nami reads as this transitory experience of an obscure puppy love, or “yeah that happened” that’s melancholic and beautiful. Evidently, the narrative strongly favoured Koma/Hina in terms of screentime, development, complexity, compatibility, and endgame potentials.

I wasn’t too confident about why Komahina screams an ultimate destination of a Hinata relationship to me, yet Hina/Nami never convey a remotely similar message. In many aspects, I didn’t ship Komahina in the past for the sake of “I want Komaeda to savour happiness” but placed more emphasis on “it would be wise for Hinata if he could ascertain that his future is with Komaeda”. However I couldn’t elucidate why I thought so.

But due to some unexpected changes in my personal life, it was so effortless for me to reach an epiphany why Hinanami couldn’t quite be the same Hinata-OTP as Komahina. And now I’m kicking myself for not being able to be more adamant about it earlier.

In short, I had a brief taste of how “true bond” or “true connection” functions. It was an estranged, uncharted experience to me prior to that “sudden change”. And in retrospect it’s unimaginable how I survived that bitter life of pure bleakness without it. But since I was able to discern the characteristics of a “true bond”, Koma/Hina, while being excruciatingly complicated and bitter in canon timeline, had a great foundation for that nonetheless, while Hina/Nami was, fundamentally “deficient” in this specific department.

Hina/Nami, either the DR2 or DR3 iteration, doesn’t go beyond being a fine relationship. It’s not bad, as adolescent crushes are typically not bad. It’s functional and somewhat sweet if Hinata was just some normal shy boy who at some point met a nice caring pretty girl. But a great, monumental relationship doesn’t come from being just fine, and Hinata is much more messy than a such-and-such average joe as what a part of the fandom preferred to project him as.

But Hinata wasn’t an adequate rival and foil for Komaeda, that ridiculously multilayered character likely in all fictions for nothing.

For starter, Hinata committed Izuru Kamakura and countless war crimes, for fuck’s sake.

I had this pessimistic outlook that humans aren’t truly designated at birth to understand each other unless they are. Real life Nanami being the talented, worthy Ultimate Gamer she was, even if she could acknowledge and validate Hinata’s struggles as a talentless person, and brought him some temporary comfort and solace, she could not understand the full spectrum of complications the struggle itself entails. Being the kind and somewhat compassionate person she was, she’d try to understand Hinata if he ever decided to open up, but she’d likely just go “yeah talent doesn’t really matter you should just be confident in yourself” as long as she’s not some Ultimate Empath like Makoto (or Junko) all at the same time. To her, Hinata’s decision to Izuru-fy is unfavorable, but not particularly tangible.

It’s somewhat similar to a moderately affluent person not knowing what an impoverished/economically-challenged life entails, they could never understand why it’s necessary for anyone to opt for crimes and prostitution and shit, if you could just “yeah money doesn’t matter you should be happy” your way out of it. Why is it necessary to choose a life path of crimes and prostitution? Why is it necessary to Izuru-fy oneself? It’s the perpetual predicament of mutual understanding in humankind. No matter how sweet and wholesome on the surface that ship appeared, Nanami would hardly ever reach Hinata’s soul beyond skin-deep, if the talent/worth debate, the rigorous societal expectations, the everlasting emotional quagmire of being under-loved and under-appreciated...everything which gradually carved out Hinata’s pivotal character (that we know of) from his embryo, was a non-issue to Nanami at core.

If there was a portion of Hinata yearning for true connection in an intimate relationship (which I doubt he didn’t), his relationship with Nanami would eventually turn insufficient or dissatisfactory, despite feeling nice on the exterior.

Normally, people don’t realize they’re empty until they’re fulfilled.

But who else struggled immensely with the entanglement between talent and worth throughout their life? Who else once resolved to obliterate their own precious being in pursuit of an almost delusional ideal of hope as Hinata did, so that they could potentially speak to Hinata on the deepest, hidden stratum of his soul?

Komaeda.

It always pains me to read Komaeda’s first FTE where he suggested Hinata’s ultimate talent could be “Ultimate Serenity” because Hinata granted him some inner peace “just by being there”. Knowing Komaeda’s mind it’s a nearly impossible feat to make him feel peaceful. Komaeda likely didn’t even consider that a legitimate talent, he inwardly viewed Hinata “being there” as inherently valuable but he couldn’t even tell. Yet Hinata failed to just, be there, be existent.

And, I always considered Komaeda sustaining himself being alive to be a monument on its own, yet 2-5 happened, for Hope, I believed.

I once had a mentally stimulating talk about how emotional and intellectual transparency lead to a solid foundation of “true love” among people with someone before. They even expressed, months ago, that if Hinata could just speak up about his problems with Nanami he wouldn’t have necessarily Izuru-fied himself.

Yet even being the aloof and reserved fucker he was, Hinata wouldn’t camouflage himself in front of Komaeda. Komaeda saw through him even if he was having a hard time deciding on how he should have felt himself. He voiced, various times throughout DR2, that “we have similar scents” “I thought you would understand me” “we’re both miserable bystanders” “I couldn’t see you as completely separate from me”. On the surface it seemed like Komaeda was being cryptic and dragging Hinata to his level, but given how we knew Hinata took even more drastic measures as escapism, were they even that different?

It was why exactly Komahina dynamic was so embittered and resentful in the canon timeline. It was not hatred, but involuntary intimacy. Hinata was emotionally stripped naked (sorry, not to evoke any erotic visualizations, just a convenient metaphor) when it’s not even Komaeda’s intention, and Komaeda’s always emotionally naked. It didn’t turn out well not because it was a fundamentally dysfunctional dynamic, but they simply met each other in the worst, most despairful and unluckiest timeline possible. With continuous manslaughters ongoing, it’s only palpable that baring your soul to someone as dangerous as Komaeda would be intimidating, but it still had that mesmerizingly entrancing aura, especially in Komaeda’s last FTE.

They had no choice of not knowing each other well.

Unless either of them died, which they both did. But an ultimate future was born and they were granted a second chance to finally reach the destination they deserved.

In a post-HPA scenario, Komahina was not only somewhat contextually implied as Hinata’s endgame, but it was deliberately set up as a generally hopeful relationship as well. Kodaka once suggested in an interview that post-HPA Hajizuru inherited Hinata’s emotions, so that he was able to sort out his considerably complex feelings for Komaeda as it left off; meanwhile with Izuru’s analytical skills and insights into human psychology, it would likely become not as cumbersome. With Hinata’s determination and persistence it would hopefully not only cure Komaeda’s terminal illnesses, but also “heal” Komaeda from his hope fetish and other cruddy coping mechanisms, with all the support and dedication Hinata could provide. Hinata, being emotionally identical to his past self, would likely occasionally experience insecurity and low self-esteem as well, and it could require Komaeda’s weird little method of presenting challenges/creating minor inconveniences for Hinata in order to help him build up self-agency and develop infallible self-assurance.

It’s kind of the Ultimate Love that survived all the trials and tribulations, and to think of that the Ultimate Tragedy gave birth to the Ultimate Love, huh, seems about right for our two Ultimate Lucks.

#nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #komahina #komahinawriteup #Komaeda Essay Club #dr2meta #danganronpa2

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mprosperossprite · 3 years

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I Made Stuff in 2020

Shoutout to @nevermindirah for the tag

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2020. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

In 2020 I re-watched Leverage, which led me to tumblr, which led me to seeing these posts about this movie The Old Guard, which led me to watch one of the best films I’ve ever seen, which led me to AO3, which led me to discord. Before falling down The Old Guard rabbit hole, I hadn’t written fanfiction since 2012. Unsurprisingly, a lot has changed since 2012 for me and for the internet. For the first time since my participation in internet fandom, I feel like I’ve found a community online and that is probably the big theme of this post: making for each other has been an absolute joy in an otherwise pretty shit year.

This is not really a year in review, so much as a last two months review (my first fic of the year was published on November 2nd) but it’s been a utterly delightful and impactful couple of months, so here we are. On to the fics!

1. The Sport of Bright Steel - This was the fic that started it all. Someone on the Old Guard kinkmeme prompted a Joe/Nicky fic from the POV of their swords and I sat down on my couch one Saturday morning and an hour later had a lil piece of fanfiction all written out. And then I panicked that it was terrible and weird and so posted it anonymously to the kinkmeme. And then someone in the discord rec-ed it in the fanfic channel and then I dusted off my old AO3 account and posted for the first time in 8 freaking years.

2. Our Toil Shall Strive to Mend - This was my second foray back into fanfic (once again, inspired by a kinkmeme prompt), and the first multi-chaptered fic I ever wrote. Big manly man with tiny human? I am weak. I love all of the Old Guard characters, but I think Booker will forever be my favorite to explore in fic. Unlike the others, Booker is a reluctant soldier and much of his pain comes from losing his identity as a husband and father. This fic asks what if Booker’s path to healing comes in the form of fatherhood? Writing the last chapter made me cry happy-sad tears for him.

3. The Perfect Shot - From the idea that both snipers and photographers are in search of “the perfect shot” came this delightfully silly little fic. Nicolo di Genova, sniper and international man of mystery, knows one damn pun/pick-up line and just so happens to find the one man (Joe, photojournalist) whom it works on hook-line-sinker. Everything about this is fun and makes me happy. Never in a million year would I have written this, if not for a very silly post on this website that someone on discord suggested as a Joe/Nicky prompt. Inspiration strikes in the most unexpected of ways. And I fucking love puns, y’all.

4. This Rough Magic - Nicky is a selkie who accidentally get himself married to unsuspecting, marine scientist Joe and it might be my favorite thing I’ve written all year. It’s a story about identity and the unexpected and being willing to take a leap of faith. This fic would not have happened without the discord, and made me so so grateful and happy to be creating with other people and as part of a community. The joy of fanfic is that it is freely created and given, and I never would have dared to write this story without the inspiration, support, and enthusiasm from internet friends.

5. Bring the World Back into Tune - aka my Book of Nile opus, still a work in progress. Technically it’s a Hades/Persephone fusion, but really it’s about finding family, finding healing, and finding love, about making meaningful choices despite whatever fate or the supernatural has in mind. I fell into Book of Nile because who they are beyond being immortal has so much in common: growing up basically ghettoized in a country that doesn’t give a damn about you, fighting for an imperial army because there were no other viable choices, knowing the pain of missing 1st families. In Bring the World Back into Tune I love that I get to explore what it means to be fated for something (they’ve become Hades and Persephone without realizing it, in addition to the whole immortal thing), and also what it means to still get to choose how you arrive at and cope with that fate. Very few people are reading this on AO3, but it’s something I love working on and through because the characters and ideas are so compelling.

Honorable Mention: Leaving AO3 Comments - One of my greatest joys this year has been in giving to others the kind of love and support I’ve received as a person who makes stuff on the internet. I love leaving AO3 comments, and applying my English major brain to what I’m reading. The things we love most are deserving of our critical attention, including and especially fanfiction. I’ve met fandom soul-mates in the AO3 comments and befriended authors. In response to a shitty anon comment on another fic, I crafted what might be my fanfic manifesto: why fanfic is the heir of western storytelling moreso than our popular media and why the “expectedness” of fanfic is in fact its greatest feature, not it’s biggest flaw. It is A+ work, if I do say so myself.

None of this would have been possible without the internet (the kinkmeme, tumblr, discord, and of course AO3) and, perhaps more importantly, without the great, supportive Old Guard fan communities. Thank you for the beautiful fic and stunning art. For the thoughtful meta and funny headcanons. For the cheering and screaming and encouragement. For the kudos and comments. We make for ourselves and each other and that’s a truly remarkable thing.

Thanks to @hyper-fixate @sweetlyenchains and many others for being so lovely and kind and making my 2020 better with The Old Guard fic and art and thinking and community. If y’all are inspired to do this year end recap too (whether tagged or not), please tag me! I’d love to read about your triumphs too!

#the old guard #fanfic #writing #fandom friends #tog #tog fic #fic rec #book of nile #joe x nicky

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jimmyflemion · 3 years

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Hi everyone. The Spiritual album is here. Damaged Goods / Sinned in Reverse. Out now! Finally. Our album that has been talked about in interviews & the works for the last 30 years. Today digitally available everywhere. Always had it in mind for this to come out as an album in album form (who knows, maybe someday?) but now that it has been finished this seemed the perfect time for its release. Over the last 9 years all the song versions were listened to meticulously, chosen, vocals & instruments added & recorded, the theme of the story & running order placed in a schematic theme, mixed, mastered & the artwork went through several renovations until today as it stands in its completed form. Whenever it seemed like it was finished & patience had given out, there was that voice saying that when the time was right it would be ready. Why are any of us here? Our spirits, our souls, the learning, the forgetting, the remembering. What is my purpose? Is it something other than what I think it is? Am I supposed to be helping in some other way? I often ask myself these questions. Music always has given me hope to figure out these things & be good with myself & my choices, helping me to make sense. I often think of my sins & sins of omission words I feel I should have said or shouldn’t have said. The life I’ve led, previous lives. Being honest with myself & others & communicating my feelings freely & openly. Reflecting how my life would have changed dramatically. Often pointing the finger & not owning up to my own part in things. We all play a part in the communion. I’ve judged so much in my life. Through my own faults perceived through my own judgement, I become more & more conscientious & conscious & not so much on autopilot. For those I’ve hurt through my own neglect, I offer my sincere apologies. To be good with yourself & your pure refection brings peace. Myself & my brother were The Frogs. We grew up together, played & wrote songs entwining a world revered & a world despised & quickly scribed them with quill, in the end giving you the listeners your own choice in choosing where your heart aligns. From seeing both sides of characters as well as taking an honest look at ourselves, there began an introspection as to who we are as humans & it made its’ way into the work. We uncovered a society of depravity we had no intention of joining. Although given somewhat of a view of the music biz here & there from a ringside seat, in fact we were never invited to the party for we posed a threat in seeing through your false idol’s bullshit. We were different, we didn’t fit in & in retrospect a very good thing to be, working in our favor. But alas however cool or punk or whatever someone might think that might feel it took on an aura of loneliness. We were outsiders, who still in a way wanted for our ego’s sake (remember this is show biz, it takes some sort of ego to continue on, year after year) to be appreciated or make some sort of a living at this game. However, looking at things now, there really was never anything we missed out on, knowing how proud he was of me & I of him & what we set out to do through our creativity. I am reminded by a beautiful princess who once upon a time told me, we are all frogs. We are God’s children that keep getting turned into frogs & under the spell of the witches. The Frogs, the band represents all the frogs of the world. The Frogs, the band are the narrator, the storyteller as in the fairytale. The Frogs have their sweet revenge by flipping, showing the people thru song their own judgements of what beauty, evil, cruelty & perception of what is truth or not. You are the judge. It’s always been up to the listener of the message what they were to receive from it to learn or unlearn. Like a lot of music itself, it’s multilayered, multidimensional, the listener gets to decide what it means. We are all frogs, right & wrong, good & bad, ugly & beautiful, loving & hateful, mean & kind. We have a choice. Thru our own experience, we can heal & help to shine our light or to stay in the darkness & continue to judge all of it or accept & return to all that is within us which is love. & somewhere within all that we must not forget what they do to frogs in school’s biology class, cutting them open, dissecting removing parts showing children that it is ok in the name of science & men who eat & destroy the lives of children. Becoming comfortable with these ideas as if it’s cool or gross, not really understanding what they are doing. That which was once life, God’s creation lie there on the table, it represents us thru the fairytales. Being manipulated, being blinded from the day of our birth that we should be okay with all this and yet that is the great big lie too. The world you, we know/knew & the people of it that revel & cling to darkness remain at that vibration until they subscribe to the light. The light is for all yet some have an allergic reaction to it due to their disposition & judgement of the collective creation. The Frogs, myself and my brother spoke the truth about everything the 3rd dimensional world holds & ascending dimensions above. Together we were not puppets, poseurs, plagiarists or frauds, follow the long lost line of money, our trail is short. Those who hijack the heart will find & attract those of like. There remains nothing to be taught or learned for the kingdom of heaven is within, pretty simple. It’s easy to innerstand, if one makes a concerted conscious effort to spread love as opposed to their fascination with fear & pornographic obsession with death, which spoiler alert walks hand in hand with life. The music we created has nothing to do with “satire”, in fact at times there is no rhyme & reason & in times needed there is rhyme & reason. A fool auditions for a song, a wise man dresses up in costume, the world’s zoo comes to life & appears & disappears in illusion or what some call magic or a critic appears on notice to define art. There is a floodgate of material & songs to peruse & at times it makes the most sense to corral them conceptually. I used to be so concerned on being comprehended correctly to my liking but matters not. If I must spell it out, see how the Phoenicians, use their created language & words in plain sight, with the word spell to cast spells. In conclusion, the words with respect to the music are laced with wisdom. There is no other way. The goal, the direction, the soul purpose being co-creating beautiful sounds, energy & vibrations with the maker. In appreciation of creation. The heart beats, the world turns, the divine nature of the soul is changeless, without wavering, it answers the call of protecting & nurturing the mutual life force. Love avoids competition as it stands in its own sovereignty. ‘Tis the very common ground we all share & vibrate to. No one else can control our destiny, that which we were put on this plane, planet earth to fulfill. There was a shared mission only Dennis & I shared. The understanding & meaning that music in the right hands transforms the soul. Caging people, labeling, putting them in boxes, thinking these monsters own you is the absolute antithesis of love. The angels provide the roadmap, speak to them, I’ve spoken in song about freedom, having loved the show “Born Free” growing up under the Leo sign. I pray someday people that are real will find like minded humans & the fake actors satisfied with their empty empathy will have a true awakening. Judge much, yes but ‘tis a lonely world full of ghosts. So on a lighter note, as we float higher, what have I learned in all these years later 9 since Dennis has passed. What I’ve always known that I am so beyond blessed & grateful to have had him as my brother, how much love, care & detail he put into every moment of his life, how much he gave & how everything was a gift, how much he cherished life & being in everyone’s presence. His heart was always in the right place. An angel. Finally this album is the final Frogs album (the spiritual album that has been promised for years) 32 tracks, (number 5) Dennis & I were both number 5’s in our life paths. “damaged GOoDS / sinneD in Reverse” Damaged Goods / Dennis in Reverse In reality this album could not have been completed without the help of our dear friend Bjorn Thorsrud (additional production, mastering & editing) Dennis always wanted to have Bjorn work on this album & when he offered to help it was a GODsend. I devoted my heart & soul into this record & when I finally completed it on the final playback, I broke into tears, my only wish was for Dennis to be proud & happy with this record as a testament to The Frogs legacy. This album is in 432 hertz, the highest energy that governs the universe, vibrates with the earth’s heartbeat, the golden ratio, divine proportion. We made music because it brought us joy & made life such a wonderful experience. The telepathic musical communication Dennis & I shared is innerstood, felt inside. With regards to words they would have you say understood, but none of us is beneath or under where any other human soul stands, we are all equal & equally divine. I love Dennis with all my heart, always have & always will. I am so happy & thank creation so much that I was able to be here on this day to fulfill Dennis & my dream for you to hear this our final Frogs album. This album is for you all the fans who drove all over the country to come to our shows, stood in line, supported us at our merch booths. We started out having fun playing music together in the garage, writing songs in our bedrooms, had absolutely no idea any & all of this would have happened, well it couldn’t have happened without you our fans, we love each & every one of you for showering us with your love all of these years. This album is dedicated to the fans. Love, Jimmy

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ourlifeology · 3 years

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HERE'S HOW I SUGGEST YOU TRAVEL WITH YOUR KIDS

Few extra steps to your vacation routine to reduce the likelihood of catching or spreading the virus. Here's my advice for traveling more safely while enjoying vacation with family.

Don't Overdo It

The first rule of thumb is to resist the urge to double book and do everything. As the pandemic waxes and wanes, things will start reopening. We are going to be bombarded with all kinds of advertisements encouraging us to do everything. Resist the urge! I continually remind myself to stop feeling like I need to make up for missing out this past year. It's more important to keep a balanced itinerary, especially since increasing stress actually decreases your body's ability to fight infection. So do yourself and your family, a favor and leave some white space on the agenda.

Plan Ahead

Traveling is getting easier, though it remains tricky in some places. Research places you are heading to well in advance by checking state and local territory/county websites for up-to-date COVID-19 information and continue to monitor them. The COVID-19 hotspots can change in just a few days.

Also, some states and other countries require you to take a COVID-19 test which will need to be scheduled in advance before your flight (you can contact the airline you are flying with for more information). Some places may require a quarantine period once you arrive, which may defeat your purpose of traveling there. Be in the know to reduce the likelihood of last-minute vacation cancellations, which probably won't be well received by all family members.

Decide on Transportation

Planes, trains, and cars are OK to use for travel, but they come with varying COVID-19 risks. The safest of those three is in your own car with members of your same household. Regardless of the transportation used, take precautions when traveling through public places. I call it the "packing up and masking up" approach. No matter whether it is required or not, I recommend wearing a mask, social distancing as best you can, and hand-washing or hand-sanitizing often. Implement this approach even if you've had the vaccine. You don't want you or your family to end up with any kind of illness, especially while on vacation.

Keep in mind that some places may require masks when you get there, so be prepared. On shorter flights, try to avoid eating or drinking to keep from removing a mask—though with toddlers this might be mission impossible. On a positive note, a wonderful fact about the majority of commercial airlines today is that they are equipped with high-grade HEPA filters to help remove airborne particles and viruses.

Choose Your Destination Wisely

I suggest ditching theme parks, cruise ships, and other activities that might be overcrowded or require lots of time in close quarters.

I recommend heading out into nature with the kids and going wild for the wild! Scientific studies reveal the healing benefits of spending time in nature even just breathing it in gives your immune system a boost. And it's best to avoid the indoor dining scene. Instead, if wishing to dine out, pick food up and head to the great outdoors or back to your hotel for an impromptu picnic. You'll probably be stocked with wet wipes already.

If going to visit vulnerable family members (like Grandma and Grandpa), rethink the trip if they haven't had the COVID-19 vaccine. You want to keep your loved ones safe, especially those who may get extremely sick if they catch the virus. For parents not comfortable traveling yet, listen to your intuition and go when and where you feel comfortable.

Once You Book, Keep an eye out for symptoms

If you or any of your family members show any kind of COVID-19 symptoms before your trip, change your plans. Yes, it may cost you money for a canceled trip, but you just might save someone's life. If you purchased trip cancelation insurance or refundable tickets, that'll help you recover costs.

If you come down with symptoms while on your trip, don't go out visiting places. Stay put. You don't want to expose anyone. In your suitcase pack decks of playing cards, small board games, and art supplies that are inexpensive and lightweight, just in case you get stuck in a hotel.

Have a Different Mindset

While on the go this summer, you probably will experience a wide range of emotions, whether from other travelers, service attendants, or even your own children or partner. Let things slide and exert extreme patience. This year, start your travel with a different mindset even traveling to the destination is part of the adventure. Ironically though not an illness, grumpies are contagious too. Help kick them to the curb with abundant acts of kindness.

Stay Health-Conscious

No matter your travel arrangements, make sure to include daily plans to stay healthy. My excellent advice for parents, to help you thrive in the face of the pandemic. They encourage staying hydrated and eating more plant-based foods both fruits and vegetables, not just the former. Bacteria in your gut support the immune system, so it's important to feed your inner friends and keep them healthy. A wonderful bonus for parents, if your family eats this way regularly—it helps boost the likelihood of success, from academics to athletics and beyond. So happy planning and enjoy your vacation!

The Bottom Line

If you want to travel with your family, plan ahead and take time researching where to stay and how to get there, depending on what makes most sense for your family's safety. And remember that vaccinating, masking, and hand-washing are not 100 percent effective, so the key is to practice multiple risk-reduction techniques to greatly reduce the likelihood of catching or spreading COVID-19.

Follow OURLIFEOLOGY : Instagram / Twitter / Facebook

#child development #parenting #child education #momlife #family #modernmom #motherhood #parenthood #children #life quotes #travel #travelwithfamily #travelwithkids #travelideas #covid19

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aspoonofsugar · 4 years

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Hi! How are you doing? Not sure if it's already been asked, but what are your top 10 favourite canon couples?

Hello!

I am doing fine, thank you! How are you doing?

It is alright, nobody has asked this before, so I can answer! That said, I am not really a hardcore shipper, so I am not sure I will come up with 10 pairs :’‘‘). I’ll do my best though! Also I have interpreted the term “canon” very freely.

As usual, here they are in no particular order:

1) Claire Stanfield and Chane Laforet (Baccano!):

I love their dynamic because they are fundamentally two almost opposite individuals who end up together in a surprising way. On one hand Claire thinks that he is the protagonist not only of his own story, but of the whole world. As a matter of fact he believes that the world is nothing more than a dream of his. Ironically, it is because of this selfish delusion that Claire is able to embrace the whole world:

“So what if I'd spare him? In my mind it's the certainty in myself that I possess which allows me to have that kind of mercy or compassion. There's no wavering on that point. It's fixed like the stars. The fact is I'm never gonna be killed! So remember this: mercy and compassion are virtues that only the strong are privileged to possess. And I am strong.”

On the other hand Chane has chosen to be nothing more than her father’s puppet. She is a satellite character in her own life and can’t absolutely think to live as a protagonist. If Claire’s world is too big, Chane’s too little because it has only her and her father in it. What is more, Chane has gone out of her way to make sure that it stays that way. For example, she asked her father to take her voice away and has not learnt alternative ways to communicate (like sign language).

Given this premise, it is interesting that a person so self-centered like Claire puts a person with such a frail sense of self like Chane at the centre of his world. Claire makes Chane, who is not even the lead of her own story, the heroine of his huge world. Claire instead plays a support role in Chane’s story. It is precisely because of this contradiction that their dynamic works. All in all Chane gets to get in contact with the world through Claire. Because of this, she is challenged to grow. This is another interesting difference between them. On one hand Claire is basically like Peter Pan and can’t really grow psychologically. On the other hand Chane is a character who has changed, but who is scared of this change. This is why she tries to actively regress, but she can’t really go back to who she was.

2) Komugi and Meruem (HxH):

I have explained here what I love about them. Their relationship conveys the themes of the chimera ants arc beautifully. I especially like it because it would have been easy to have Meruem grow fond of Komugi because of her kindness and goodness. However, this is not really what happens. The reason why Meruem is so attracted by Komugi is her prowess as a Gungi player. Komugi is not a character who coddles Meruem, but one who challenges him. As a result Meruem’s attraction for her is rooted in respect. Meruem brings out from Komugi her talent and stubborness, while Komugi brings out from him his caring and kind side. Meruem becomes interested in her because of the traits they share and grows to love what makes her different from him.

3) Ash Lynx and Eiji Okumura (Banana Fish):

I like their relationship, but I would have loved for it to be explored even more throughout the story. All in all, they are attracted to each other because they want something the other has. Eiji wants Ash’s initiative and daring personality, while Ash wants Eiji’s freedom and soothing personality. Eiji wants Ash’s ability to fight for himself, while Ash wants Eiji’s talent to heal others instead of hurting them.

Despite this, they are not fully able to grow as they could have because of the violence of the conflict they are in. Eiji makes some steps in the right direction, but the moment a wound incapacitates him he goes back to his more passive behaviour. When it comes to Ash, he is not able to take fligth like he would like because of self-hate. Their ending is tragic, but I wonder if it could have been different. For example, after a meaningful conflict the two of them decide to avoid fighting and to simply enjoy the time they spend together. This is a relatable choice, but a series of things are left unexpressed and because of this they are not really able to overcome their flaws. Maybe, if they had fought a little more and had called each other out more, things could have been different in the end.

4) Claire Nunez and Jim Lake Jr (Tales of Arcadia):

I have talked about them here. They are two very similar people to the point that they have basically the same flaw. They both feel responsible for bad things happening to them and to their friends. This is why they end up trying to fix everything by their own and fail spectacularly. It is nice to see them find help and support by their loved ones. And it is heart-warming that they keep being there for each other.

5) Chidi Anagonye and Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place):

Eleanor and Chidi are completely different people and this is why they are perfect to challenge each other. Chidi inspires Eleanor to be more selfless and to open up to others, while Eleanor inspires Chidi to be daring. This is obvious since season 1 and it is a constant throughout the series. Their relationship is a good example of a relationship which is conflictual, but enriching. In order to stay together they (other than escaping hell) must overcome their respective flaws. Eleanor must be vulnerable and let Chidi in her life, while Chidi must be decisive and actively choose Eleanor.

I also like that this is true even in those timelines where they do not develop a romantic relationship. The fact that their relationship is the same, but also slightly differs in each reboot makes it gain a very nice thematic meaning and enriches it. All in all, what Chidi and Eleanor represent for each other is always the same and what changes is the platonic/romantic aspect of the bond.

Finally I like the motif of them leaving messages to their future selves about the other. At the end of season 1, Eleanor writes to herself: “Find Chidi”, while at the end of season 3 Chidi writes to himself: “Eleanor is the answer”. This is a very cool motif which conveys their respective growth thanks to the other. Eleanor who only trusts herself chooses to trust Chidi’s ability to help her. Chidi who has spent his whole life searching for answers and failing to write them down decides that Eleanor is all he needs to find meaning in his life.

6) Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye:

Their relationship is my favourite of the whole series. Their characters are beautifully intertwined to the point that they can barely function without the other. This aspect of their bond is not excessively romanticized, but it is presented as a dreadful consequence of the traumatic past they share. At the end of the day Roy and Riza are too highly idealistic people whose ideals were shattered before they could evolve in something more than childish dreams. Despite this, they were able to put the fragments of those great dreams back together and have chosen to sacrifice their personal happiness to realize them.

All in all, Riza and Roy want redemption for their crimes and they find comfort in each other while they try to obtain it. In order to make things better they are ready to sacrifice their own existences and they have given up on the chance of living normal lives as civilians. However, they still have each other.

Roy gives Riza someone to protect, so that she does not fall apart and remains functional, while Riza restrains Roy’s most negative instincts. They make each other better even if they can’t completely overcome the pain of their past. They can just share it with the other.

Finally I especially like the scene where Roy chooses not to transmute humans even if it means Riza will most likely die. As a matter of fact, despite it all, that act is not framed as a betrayal of Riza, but rather as the only thing he can do not to betray her. I love both relationships where a character fixated on an ideal lets go of it because of people and relationships which make a person realize the importance of an ideal. They are both beautiful when well written. Here we are in front of a bond where both aspects are present. On one hand Roy must let go of his desire of vengeance not to lose Riza. On the other hand Roy must let go of Riza not to betray the ideals they share.

In the end theirs is a very tragic and strict relationship, but also a very warm and human one.

7) Kokomi Teruhashi and Saiki Kusuo (Saiki Q):

They are not properly canon since they are not together by the end. However, I think there is enough in the series to support the ship. Anyway, it is still a ship I enjoy a lot (and it is one of the few I feel strongly for, so I am adding it to the list no matter what).

I love their dynamic because it is hilarious, but it could also be surprisingly deep if the narrative wanted to explore it more. Teruhashi is my favourite character of the series because she is a nice subversion of both the yamato nadeshiko trope and of the alpha bitch one. She presents herself as an incredibly beautiful and yet innocent girl, but she is actually very aware of her looks and of others’ reactions. Despite this, she comes along as likeable mostly because she often genuinelly means well despite her being self-centered. Saiki instead projects the image of an average person, but he is actually the most powerful being of the world. In short, Teruhashi and Saiki are both opposite and the same.

They are the same because they both wear a carefully crafted mask. They are opposite because the masks they were are opposite. On one hand Teruhashi’s mask of the perfect girl attracts attention. On the other hand Saiki’s mask of the average guy is meant to make him invisible.

The difference between their two personas is the reason why Saiki wants to avoid Teruhashi at all costs. He wants to be average, so he can’t stay close to a person who attracts so much attention. At the same time, it is clear that Saiki grows to admire Teruhashi specifically because of her ability to always keep her mask up. He knows how difficult it is to realize such a feat and he recognizes Teruhashi’s dedication. Basically Saiki is the only person who knows the real Teruhashi and appreciates her for who she is and not for who she pretends to be.

In short, the series could have done a lot with them if it had wanted to go deeper in their dynamic. Saiki ends up coming to the spotlight multiple times to help Teruhashi, while Teruhashi breaks up her image of perfect girl when close to Saiki.

Unluckily this is the end of the list :’‘‘) I tried to think of other canon couples I enjoy, but even if there are some, I would not call them proper faves. At the same time, there are some ships I enjoy, but they are not properly canon/confirmed to be romantic, so I am not adding them.

Thank you for the ask!

#baccano!#baccano #clairexchane #hxh #komugixmeruem #bf #asheji #trollhunters #clairexjim #royai #fma #chidi x eleanor #the good place #saiki x teruhashi #saiki q #asksfullofsugar #eurekapendragon

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queenangst · 4 years

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Ok so i have many favorites but the ending scene of Leftovers where Aizawa gets back and home... the good dadzawa kush there, if you want to talk about the director's cut

yeah, i’d be happy to!!

A few hours later she’s still sitting there, every light but one shut off. She curls with her legs up on the chair, half-draped over the table and tired.

I think I might have said as much in the original author’s notes, but I have to start the scene here because when I was coming up with the concept of this fic, this visual is what came to me. Eri sitting alone in this kitchen at a table, with all this food in front of her, but completely alone.

Keys in the lock. A footstep.

“Eri?”

She wills sleep away and sits up, scrubbing at her eyes as Aizawa slips into the kitchen and finds her. He’s dressed in black, but that doesn’t hide the bandage poking out from under his sleeve or the split lip.

He crouches down in front of the chair. Eri feels like she’s ten again.

This is, of course, set in a nebulous future sometime (after 1A has graduated, evident by the earlier phone call) and years after Overhaul. Eri feeling like she’s ten again is not a particularly important number more than it is referencing her younger self.

“You’re hurt,” she whispers, reaching out to touch his face.

“I’m fine,” Aizawa says, voice gruff. He sighs. “Eri, don’t—”

She activates her Quirk, and feels her power hum through her veins. Aizawa’s lip heals over.

Couldn’t help myself. Eri is a little older now, has a little more control over her Quirk, enough so that she can reverse Aizawa enough so his wounds disappear. I just had to include this in here as a little sign of how far she’s come from how we know her in current canon.

Aizawa’s still protective of her, and he doesn’t think small injuries like a few scrapes is enough to warrant Eri using her Quirk.

“Thank you,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

Her chest cracks open. Eri slips out of the chair and throws herself into his arms. Aizawa wraps her into a hug, his hands reassuring along her back and relieving the ache that’s lined her shoulders.

(Though to the above point, he recognizes her capability and just moves on to thanking her.)

And... now it’s time for readers to get (more?) emotional! Eri cracks after Aizawa apologizes. And an apology is the first thing Aizawa actually says to Eri, because he knows she was waiting for him and totally felt guilty about it the entire time he was away.

“I was— alone,” Eri whispers, and he strokes her hair. The touch is so gentle it almost hurts.

“I’m sorry,” Aizawa murmurs, “I’m sorry… it’s alright. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

They stay there for a moment. She holds onto him, clinging to the fact that he’s real—that he hasn’t left her, that he’s come back to her, because he wants to. He chooses to.

Eri might be older, but she’s still Number 1 Baby Girl. She hasn’t forgotten at all what it’s like to be alone, nor has she forgotten how being touched could lead to immense pain. But Aizawa is always so gentle to her, and in a way even now she’s so starved for that it almost hurts. That’s what I try to convey.

And, of course, me sprinkling on a generous dose of the comfort that Aizawa comes back. And not just that he comes back, but that he chooses to because he loves Eri.

You are not worth it, Overhaul says.

“I’m here,” Aizawa says.

One of my favorite things in writing is juxtaposition. Eri’s fears and her memory of what Overhaul would tell her (that she isn’t worth loving), compared directly with tangible proof of Aizawa defying that by being present.

“I made dinner,” Eri says. Her voice sounds so small. “It- it’s all cold now, but…”

Aizawa shifts. He looks at the table, and something unreadable enters his eyes.

“You made all this?” He reaches out and touches the corner of a plate. “For me?”

Aizawa is dying inside. He’s going to cry. He can’t do that in front of Eri, but the work that she did for him, going to the effort of making dinner (when he was planning on reaching for a jelly packet, though living with Eri as implied in this fic meant he got back into a healthier habit of cooking)... it’s extremely touching to him, this.

Eri nods once. She’s never cooked an entire meal before, like this, but they’re all ones Aizawa taught her to make.

Tag onto the earlier note, this sort of expands on a look into their lives together. Eri’s never made a meal like this before, but she has cooked with Aizawa and he’s taught her to make these dishes.

“I wanted to surprise you,” she admits when Aizawa turns his gaze back towards her. “I- since you were working hard, I thought, maybe, I could… make something. For you.”

“God, Eri, ” Aizawa says, and his voice cracks.

She doesn’t know what that means, the way he says her name. But a moment later Aizawa comes back and pulls her into his arms again and whispers thank you fiercely into her hair.

Eri doesn’t really understand why it means so much to Aizawa, but it really, really does like I’ve said above. To him, this is an incredible gift and a sign of her care for him. She’s grown a lot, but he remembers times when Eri could be withdrawn or wouldn’t do things independently so his heart is going “asgdlkanwnwgngn.”

Food is love, and family. They eat most, if not all, of their meals together. It’s important to him.

“Will you eat?” she asks.

A part of her expects him to say no, but Aizawa circles the table to the other seat. He’s smiling, the sort of soft smile he only directs at her.

“You’re so kind to me, Eri,” Aizawa says, taking a piece of tamagoyaki, and it’s enough to make her eyes burn with tears.

A part of Eri is still always waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? But Aizawa just loves her. I can’t say this enough. He just loves her.

And he takes the tamagoyaki! The one Eri was worried she messed up.

“You taught me kindness,” Eri replies, and knows it’s true.

Aizawa eats. He stays. This is the difference, Eri thinks, that one person can make to a little girl, sitting alone.

This is a direct reference to an earlier line about kindness in the fic:

She always used to eat alone. Overhaul had meals delivered, and Eri would curl in the corner between her bed and the wall and eat quietly from the tray. She was contaminated. She was not to know the word kindness, because kindness had no place in a world confined to white walls.

Overhaul ate with her, once. That, Eri has since learned, is not kindness.

Aizawa teaches Eri kindness simply by being kind to her. By eating with her. By spending time with her, and caring. She’s learned what Overhaul did was not kind by example of Aizawa being kind. It’s all too much!

And the last line of the fic... that’s the crux of the fic, and what I really wanted to get through the story. This is the difference that one person can make to a little girl, sitting alone. A theme that I like exploring in my works is the scale of heroes. How can we be heroes? How can we be heroes in smaller ways, that isn’t saving someone, or fighting a villain?

What if you just stayed with someone? The simple act of staying can make a difference in someone’s life, too. And that’s what Aizawa does for Eri.

Other commentary:

You guys are kind of lucky, I would say. When I was writing, there were actually a couple different outcomes that could have happened, which included: villains breaking into the apartment who hold a grudge on either Eri or Aizawa for Overhaul and attacking Eri, Aizawa being more injured than he was, or Aizawa not coming back at all. But I decided to go with what you see above, haha.

send me your favorite scene/chapter from one of my works + i’ll write commentary on it!

#asks #ask games #commentary asks #friends #pocketramblr

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anchoredtether · 3 years

Text

2020 Writing Roundup

Stolen from Rue! This was fun to reflect on!

Everyone is welcome to use this same format if they’d like to do the same!

~~~~~~~

S T A T S

Words written:

A whooping 232,867 - which is more than half of all the words I’ve written on Ao3 in the past seven years LOL. I guess I wrote to keep myself sane this crazy year.

O N G O I N G: S T A R T E D / U P D A T E D

AN UNORTHODOX APPROACH (21,586 words)

First new fic of the year, this is my Shrek AU! I really adore this fantasy AU and it’s fun to explore such a crack concept and treat it seriously. It’s also a Pikelavar AU of sorts.

DEFENDERS OF AURITA (62,538 words)

Only updated my fantasy AU epic with one chapter this year, and I’m actually kind of sad I didn’t work on it more. It’s been hard to find muse for it when it hasn’t gotten nearly as much traction as other projects.

PARADISE LOST (13,013 words)

Another new fic started in June, this is a Zootopia AU! Heavily inspired from Zootopia, Beastars, and The Last of Us, it’s an apocalyptic future involving hybrids, people who have animal traits in order to combat a deadly strain of cancer. Plus I just love fox!Lance and rabbit!Pidge.

SCALING BACK (6,041 words)

New fic started in March, this is one I’ve had stewing on the backburner for quite awhile actually, and decided to start. It’s basically canon but Lance is actually a merman and hiding it from the team. It surprisingly fixes a ton of plot holes and fits with canon narrative.

SHATTER AND TESSELLATE (19,661 words)

This new project kind of took over my life if you couldn’t tell from all the art I’ve cranked out this past year for it. Oddly enough the idea just kind of hit me one day in March. I think Rue’s “worst timelines” got me thinking along those lines and I came up with the idea of Honerva seeing into the future and kidnapping the future paladins and turning them galra to prevent Voltron from defeating the Empire. So it’s a Galra AU but in the worst way possible.

SIX IMPOSSIBLE THINGS (7,243 words)

Another new fic started in August, this Wonderland AU I’ve had notes and ideas for since 2018 or something. And it’s hilarious because I thought of Lance being the Cheshire cat long before Pike existed. Thanks to lots of brainstorming on Discord I’ve figured out a lot more worldbuilding for this AU and I can’t wait to expound on it.

SLIDING LEFT MAKES MR. RIGHT (2,788 words)

Crack Tinder AU which says I posted in 2020 but I think I wrote it in November/December of 2019. This is a oneshot and it’s taking me forever to finish because it’s hard for me to write short things lol.

THE VACANT ETHER (31,121 words)

This is from the Stories in the Dark bang back in October 2019 and I’m still working to finish it. Post s8, horror, cosmic Reaper AU. This is a favorite AU of mine because of how nicely it fixes and explains all the plot holes of s8.

WHAT TIDES MAY BRING (20,704 words)

The Mer AU that Rue and I started writing last year! I really adore this AU and the Plance family feels it has, and sadly I’ve been slacking on my end with writing the next chapter but I hope to get more content in before MerMay this year.

WHERE SAPPHIRE ROSES GROW (31,101 words)

I wrote a lot this year for my Beauty and the Beast AU. I’m quite pleased I finally got to the part where Lance learns Pidge is a girl because that’s when things start moving into motion (and obviously the romance starts developing, but still not for awhile yet because I’m a sucker for slow burns).

WHERE THE SUN MEETS THE OCEAN (8,620 words)

I barely touched my Atlantis AU this year. This is another AU that doesn’t get as much love so it’s hard to find muse for it at times.

R E F L E C T I O N S

Best title

I am really fond of Shatter and Tessellate. Not only does it sound pretty and gives great imagery but it’s symbolic of how the paladins are broken and put back together.

Worst title

Probably Paradise Lost. It’s unoriginal (I stole it from the book by John Milton) though it fits the themes of the fic. But I also couldn’t think of anything better and I do find it funny that shortened it becomes PL which is like Pidge/Lance.

Best/worst last line

Best: from Where Sapphire Roses Grow:

She opened her eyes to see Lance looking up at her with his captivating irises as brilliant a blue as the very sapphire rose that cursed him, eyes that were still human.

“I swear to you Lance… I will figure out a way to break your curse.”

Worst: from Paradise Lost:

“Please…” she says in a muffled voice between sobs. “I can't - I can't do this alone."

“You won't have to,” he promises softly as he holds her close. “I'm here. I'm right here..."

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I wrote uhhh.... way more. Than I thought possible considering all the stress that happened this year. I started six new fics and progressed a ton in others.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

This is a hard one to choose... but based on the content I covered this year for the fic as opposed to the fic itself, I’d have to say Where Sapphire Roses Grow. It’s so fun writing feral Lance and him protecting Pidge from the wolves was one of my favorite scenes to write this year.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

By a freaking landslide, Shatter and Tessellate. This really caught me off guard - I never thought this fic would be so popular, especially considering it starts out as a kid fic of sorts (paladins are all early teens at first) and most people don’t like kid fics. It’s also quite dark and highkey horror? So I’m shocked it’s so well loved.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

By far The Vacant Ether. I thought it would gain a lot more traction considering everyone and their dog wants a s8 fix it fic, but then again TVE covers really dark topics and is technically a horror fic. So I shouldn’t be surprised it isn’t for everyone. But I am really happy with how it has turned out, even if less people read it.

Story that could have been better?

All of them Hmm. I feel like Scaling Back could have been more imaginative, considering the second chapter mostly follows the events of a canon episode with little divergence.

Sexiest story?

None of them have really gotten to that point yet... though I have been working on some future steamy scenes for some fics. If I had to pick one though probably Where the Sun Meets the Ocean because Pidge ogles Lance in that one.

Saddest story?

Yikes this is a hard one. I think I have to say Shatter and Tessellate, because not only does that one cover death and kidnapping, but metamorphis and body horror. And it’s all the more sadder because they’re just kids.

Most fun?

I think the one most fun to write is Where Sapphire Roses Grow. I love the time period, I love monster!Lance, I love Pidge and Lance bickering, there’s just so many good points to it. Plus BatB is a classic I loved and grew up with as a kid so it’s really fun to write out the themes I love.

Story with single sweetest moment?

I think Lance comforting Katie in Shatter and Tessellate when she asks him to call her by Pidge from now on fits this one. Lance and Pidge have a lot of little moments like this in this fic but this one in particular is very tender.

“Pidge is cute,” he finally says as he nervously rubs his wrist. “Reminds me of Pokemon.”

She makes a small sound which he thinks is an attempt at a laugh and turns her head to face him, tucking her hair behind her ear. “That’s where Matt got it from, actually.”

He smiles at her. “Is Matt your brother?”

She nods. “I’ve always loved owls, but I had a hard time saying it when I was learning how to talk. I watched Matt play enough video games that I could say ‘Pidgey’ though, and so I started calling any owl I saw as Pidgey. At some point the nickname Pidge stuck.”

Hardest story to write?

Easily The Vacant Ether. It covers a lot of heavy and dark topics and it’s hard to really nail the horror vibe sometimes. But also Sliding Left Makes Mr. Right solely because I can’t write short one-shots to save my life LOL.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Not really? Aside from just... cranking out a ton. I suppose starting 6 new fics can count as taking a risk. Keeping up with all my projects is also a project but I somehow manage to do it.

Proudest Achievement:

I think Shatter and Tessellate reaching so many kudos and hits. I seriously was not expecting that.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just keep writing I guess. I do have two ambitious plans, to finish Not All Pain Heals, my Teen Wolf fic that is long overdue to be finished, as well as The Vacant Ether which is the fic I have planned out the most and would be easiest to finish.

#fanfic writing roundup #2020 stats #Ao3 stats #my fanfics #plance

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msbluebell · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday Dimitri

Dimitri is an important character to me.

I didn’t expect him to be. Not to me, personally. When I went into the game, I expected that he wouldn’t be my favorite. I figured he’d be the tragic fallen hero, but I didn’t think he’d hit so many buttons for me.

People like fallen heroes, and I do too, but they’re not usually my favorite characters. When I picked up this game on my way home from a trip, I looked at the cover and thought, “Claude is going to be my favorite.”

But somehow, someway, this boy hit home for me.

Maybe it’s because we get to see him before he fell apart.

Well, alright, this isn’t accurate. He was never all that put together when we meet him in game. He already had a darkness in him, and he already experienced tragedy that would lead to his downfall later. We met this boy, and I didn’t think too much of him. He was the most polite, and sweet, and those were my thoughts. My first playthrough was of Black Eagles house. Now, you all know I nearly didn’t pick the game up again I disliked Black Eagles so much. But Dimitri wasn’t why. When I killed Dimitri in the game all I thought was, “What a shame. I’m sorry guy. You seemed nice enough. I’d spare you if I could.” I’m not going to lie, I felt like his anger in CF was justified even before I cared about him. But I didn’t expect the sheer depts I would come to care for him when I was playing that first route. I obviously played church route next, since for the most part I had half got through the playthrough. And in that one I wanted to help him, but couldn’t and I thought again, “Ah, what a shame. Can’t save you here either.” Except this time we got a little more. The ghost scene got to me. It showed me his guilt, and that’s when I started paying more attention to Dimitri. I had intended to save Golden Deer route for last, but after CF and SS, I thought I deserved self care, and went with Claude. Though this time I was a little regretful I’d leave Dimitri behind. Because I understood what tragedy befalls him when you don’t choose him. Because I know that this sweet boy becomes so angry, and so regretful, and I wished there was a way to save him. Claude was a great character, and I adored him, and I adored Golden Deer. It was the break I needed after CF and SS. I loved them, and I loved their themes, and I loved their energy. I was convinced that they would be my forever favorites. My only real regret was that Dimitri died again. By this time it seemed almost horrific what was going on with Dimitri, and he somehow seemed worse off in this route than the other two. He was crazy, downright insane, and somehow lost an eye. And it was a shame. Something had obviously happened to him to drive him even further over the wall, but I didn’t feel too bad, because while it was tragic what happened to him, there wasn’t anything I could do. So I decide to finish up the game, and I’m not over invested. I like it, but I don’t think it’s going to be my fandom. It’s fun, I enjoyed it. That’s it. I’ll just finish it off and move on. Then I played Blue Lions. Dimitri had no right to do this to me. He had no right to come in and hit all my personal buttons, and make me care so much. I went into Blue Lions already caring a bit about Dimitri, but I didn’t expect him to claw at my heart the way he did. There’s a tragedy to Dimitri that spoke to me more than Claude, or Edelgard, or Rhea. It was more personal, it was more rough, it attacked a raw nerve in me I thought was healed but I suppose never did quite go away. Some people have asked me why I don’t like Edelgard, considering she’s an abuse survivor and I, also, am an abuse survivor. I think, with people who ask me this, they’re looking more at what caused the need to cope rather than the coping itself. Edelgard and I have suffered more similar abuses than Dimitri and myself, though I wouldn’t say my abuse and hers are the same at all. Still, for me, I think it’s the way we deal with the aftermath of our trauma that speaks to me more than the trauma itself. I didn’t like Edelgard, because even before the twist that she was the invading force in the game, I found her abrasive, dismissive, and unintentionally cruel where she was trying to be empathetic. I just don’t like people who are sharp, I suppose. I never have. I think that’s ultimately why I warmed up to Dimitri so quickly. He was kind. He is kind. He is so kind, and empathetic, that I adored him right away. I warmed up to him even more quickly than Claude, who I went in wanting and expecting to be my favorite. He’s kind, and trying to be kind. But it doesn’t always work. I’ve got something called Hyper Empathy Syndrome. It’s a think, and it’s not really federally recognized, but my therapist says it’s a good way to describe what my issues are. I empathize too much. And you wouldn’t think that was a bad thing, but it is. It causes me untold anxiety, and I hyper empathize with people to the point where it’s almost hard to get mad at them, and I keep not wanting to let them down, and I feel guilty if I say no to them and it upsets them even a little. And, overall, it’s a huge hindrance on my life. I think Dimitri may be the same. Or maybe I’m projecting on him because I see so much of myself in him. Looking at Dimitri, and the way he developed. It was like looking to a mirror at some points and getting a glimpse into the shitty person I used to be. Now, I’m not going to pretend I went through even half the bad shit Dimitri did. His sufferings just kept piling on and on and on over the course of the game, to the point I wondered how this boy was even alive. I wasn’t at all surprised at how bad off he was in Azure Moon, but sad. Oh, he was shitty. He was terribly shitty. But I got it. Because I’ve been there. I was younger than Dimitri was when I was shitty, so I’ve got that “middle school preteen hormone changes” excuse, but I was shittty. I wasn’t as bad as he was; I’ve never murdered someone, or nearly tortured a man, or obsessed over a death, but I was just as unpleasant to be around. I was shit, because I wasn’t dealing with myself well. I had bad coping, and I felt alone, and used, and I couldn’t stop being angry no matter how hard I tried. My head kept telling me it was my fault, and everyone around me didn’t know how to deal with me, and they kept trying to drag me out of my comfort zone. And I lashed out against everyone around me, even though I knew it wasn’t their fault, and that only made me feel more guilty and alone and like I needed to be alone. And it was all only made worse by the Hyper Empathy. It was a cycle of self hate and misery that I put myself through, and I saw that in Dimitri. And it hit home a little harder than I could have ever predicted. I was rooting for Dimitri because I already loved him. I love him. He means a lot to me, and as I would come to find out her personifies everything that I believe about humanity; that no matter how bad we get we can still come back. Dimitri is someone that suffered, fell from grace, brainwashed himself into suffering more, all while suffering from a mental illness, and was still able to come back with some help and a whole lot of work and self reflection. Dimitri is someone that was surrounded by loved ones who wanted to help him but mostly didn’t know how to, people who supported him, but it wasn’t enough. He had to pull himself out, with support. and it wasn’t easy. Hell, it wasn’t easy to support him either. There was a point where he got so low I legitimately thought there would be no going back for him. I almost gave up. But I didn’t want to, and I didn’t, and it’s because despite it all I still loved who he was and wanted him to get better. And he did. And I guess that gave me hope. I guess it made me hopeful that if he could get better from all that, then maybe it wasn’t impossible for other bad people to get better. It made me happy. It made me appreciate him. It made me thankful. Dimitri gave me hope that people could be better than they were, and I’ll forever be thankful for that. It’s actually not all that often a character affects me this much. And maybe it seems dumb to others that a fictional character could affect my life so much, but then again, no one has a right to judge me for where I find hope. Dimitri isn’t just a character I liked, he’s a character that gave me hope. He’s a character that came back from that bad place. He’s a character that basically looked at me and said, “You can come back from this.” And I’m trying so hard to be better. Dimitri and I have a lot of the same issue. The guilt, the self hate, the blame, other things. And he still has people that love him, people that don’t give up on him. And, yeah, them being there isn’t always helpful, heck, in some case it makes his issues worse. But they’re there for when he comes back, and they help him, and that gives me more hope too. But nothing gives me more hope than the fact that he came back. And when he came back, he worked to be better. And he forgave. And I feel like that makes him so much stronger than me. Because I don’t think I could have forgave to the same level that he had. I couldn’t look the woman I thought ruined my life in the eye and forgive her. I don’t think I could face a man who did ruin my life in the eye after he told me he’d do it again in the name of justice. I couldn’t forgive to Dimitri’s level. He’s come a long way, Dimitri, and I am so proud of him. Happy Birthday Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, thank you for showing me I can be better.

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #dimitri fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #happy birthday #character study #analysis #self relection #favorite character #meta #getting better #Blue Lions #Blue Lion's route

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alo-piss-trancy · 4 years

Note

Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).

You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.

I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.

Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.

Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.

Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.

This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!

Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.

There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?

What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?

This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.

So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.

~~~

I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.

In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).

These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.

Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.

With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.

~~~

Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:

There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.

What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.

There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.

There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.

And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.

One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.

Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.

It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.

If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?

No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.

Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.

Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.

~~~

I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.

#bear gets a letter #not omo #tw knives #tw knifeplay #tw cutting #tw self harm #d/dlc spoilers

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