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safely-in-vhagars-belly · 10 months

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Fire and blood chapter 4: Jealousy

OC X Aegon, oc x Aemond and slight oc x Jacaerys.

WARNINGS:

Aegon and Aemond and you havent slept together for a week. They have been very subtle about it in public life, and part of you just knows they dont care about you now they both have had you.

Tonight, you are invited for a feast thrown by the king to celebrate Lucerys as the future lord of the tides. The princes are seated close to you, within reach so you can hold proper conversations. The other side of the table is for Rhaenyra and her children.

You are here on invitation of Princess Helaena. She usually gets very overwhelmed and even sick during feasts like this and you know how much a good and kind friend will help her cope with this. It won’t be entirely enough, Helaena will still experience it as unpleasant but it would be even worse if you weren't here at all. She has no clue that her brothers fucked you. Well, two of them.

Your heart breaks for the poor sick king who just wanted a nice dinner with his family. You feel very out of place at this sacred moment. You feel unnatural and interrupting.

You enjoy your dinner quietly when chatting with Helaena over her favourite hobbies. Bugs, puppies, kittens and of course reading. You share some laughs and gossip a bit with her and recommend some forbidden books for her. She laughs at you.

A hand taps gently on your shoulder when the music plays. You expect Aemond or Aegon but Prince Jace looks at you with a Smug smile before whisking you away with him. The king smiles touched and you know it's too late to reject Jace now. His girl, Baela looks on like she has just been stabbing in her back.

You accept his hand happily and walk with him to an open spot away from the table. You begin the dance. You grin and jump up and down like he does as well. Aemond meanwhile eyes his brother and Aegon throws back his drink as the song continues, a peaceful melody that sounds to you like the last song of a bird.

Prince Jace and you twirl, your arms intertwined with one another. He gives you a charming smile and you grin, as the song reaches its beautiful heartbreaking bridge. You see that the food keeps coming, so you interrupt the dance yourself and hurry back to your seat, taking in all the delicious food. Helaena mutters something to herself, but you can’t hear what.

You grab a bit of chicken and a few potatoes. Its an symphony of smells and colours on the table. Aegon sometimes picks up a piece of chicken to devour, but Aemond’s plate is empty. He just sits there, drinking. Aegon does the same and you give them both some hidden glares before starting conversation, something to bring them together. ‘So, Aegon. Are you happy that your nephew now is the Lord of the tides?’ You ask, smiling at a bright and proud Lucerys.

‘I couldn’t care less what my nephews are up to. As long as they keep from touching what is mine by right.’ He grabs the extravangt glass pitcher they putted on the table and fills his cup once more with wine. You know it’s not good for him, but you won’t act like his mother here. If he was alone with you in the libarary, you would’ve hit him with a book.

Luc gets a little confused by those words but you know what he means. He is talking about that dance. ‘How is Driftmark yours, Uncle? Are you Velayeron perhaps?’ He jokes lighthartedly. It falls very flat and you sip your wine uncomfortable.

Aegon scowls. You remember that face from when he had trouble with his lessons but this is something else entirely too. Something like a wolf being mad that his toy is being taken away. ‘You can keep your smelly seahorse shit throne. I am talking about something else entirely. I don’t expect someone of your natural origins to understand. I heard you lacked common sense-‘

‘Aegon,’ you hiss at him, when Lucerys tears up a bit. ‘Be nice. This is a family dinner. For your father, the king. Put up some apperances and act nice.’

‘You really think you can control us, hm Lady Beespring?’ Aemond growls.

You open your mouth to snap at him but change your mind moments later. Softly you add. ‘Someone has to.’

Aegon shoots daggers at you. You look to Aemond for support but he does the same. They only drink and are spectators to this feast. The king doesn’t care about his sons, you can very much tell. He speaks with Jace, with Luc, his daughter and his wife and friend. The others are left out completely and only drink, eat and become more and more resentful torwards their family.

You need catch some fresh air. You excuse yourself and get up and walk out of the room. The moment you have left the room you calm down instantly. Its much colder but much more peaceful outside. You walk to the nearest window and open it, letting the fresh air in.

A hand suddenly grabs your wrists and pins you against the wall next to the window, rather harshly. You stutter in fear and look at your attacker. You gulp. Aemond. He has a twisted smile on his thin lips and wets his lips with the edge of his tongue. ‘Lady Beepspring. How unbefitting of you to leave our little social gathering before it had properly ended.’

Relieved, you relax. 'Hello. We talked about you sneaking up on me.' You say. He softly touches your body, still with you pinned against the wall. 'Hm. We talked but you didnt listen or did you?' You are a bit confused and tilt your head. Aemond leans in and whispers something in your ear when sucking on your earlobe. ‘Punishment, remember?’

'What is that supposed to mean?' You croak out softly and try to escape Aemonds grip. He presses you further against the wall and grins. 'You danced with him.' He bites out and you huff when chuckling.

That stupid little dance? You let him do worse things to your body. 'Come now, dont tell me you are jealous of an stupid little dance. I humoured him, and the king. It was unbefitting to say no.' You say, and try to break free. He only pressures you more into the wall like he wants to push you through it, out of the castle.

‘You should've said no.’ He says. Your heart beats unregularly.

You could not have. You know it. He knows it. It would be inproper. 'I couldnt do that. He is to be the future king-‘ Aemond gets a annoyed look in his eyes and wants to say something but stops himself before he can.

This possessive behaviour has to stop before someone noticies, or you are both in trouble. 'You didnt court me. Neither did your brother.' You didn’t receive any pretty gifts or special treatment. Just two grinning silver haired madlads who grabbed you by your arms and claimed you as theirs.

He touches your face gently, softly and carefully. Touching you like one wrong move could shatter you into thousands pieces. His voice is deep and low and you feel something familiar happening to your body. 'No, we did fuck you. And you liked it very much. How about we skip this shitty party and have our own feast? With you as our very tasty meal?' you flush. He grins. ‘You still have much to learn and to experience. I’ll get Aegon notified and we can go to my room and teach you side by side. How does that sound?’ Very tempting, but you force yourself to be the bigger person.

'Aemond, please. it would break the kings heart. Stay for your father.' But you know he never would alone for his father. So you add, softly. 'Stay for me, please?'

-- It all goes well until a big pig is presented to Aemond. Luc laughs and Aemond becomes the killer.

You dont know what that is about but for reason, he snaps. And he snaps very hard like a branch in the woods being snapped in half. He raises his cup skyhigh and starts talking. ‘Final tribute. To the health of my nephews. Jace, luc, and joffery. Each of them handsome, wise…’ You hold your breath. He grins at you before continuing. ‘Strong.’

Hell breaks lose. - You sit on the bed, your mouth dry and your eyes focussed on the two still drinking men. You assume they would be drunk by now, but they are not. Maybe lightly affected, but mostly they are angry. After the feast, you were summoned to the library where they ordered you to come with them to Aemond’s room via a secret passagewy.

Aemond paces through the room. 'That was a disaster.' Aegon says casually before filling his wine cup. Again. Aemond nods. He agrees with his brother. 'They should have never returned here. They dont belong here. They should burn in Harrenhal like their father did.' That sounds like treason, to you. But you don’t say so. You let them be angry. They don’t know what they are saying.

The older prince gives you a caculuated glare as you slowly eat a piece of cutted apple from the little bowl of fruit they gave you. 'That bastard was looking funnily at her. If I see him look too much, what will we do about it?' He asks, his younger brother. You feel very confused feelings. Shame, because you are not supposed to like these darker sides. Fear, because you know they are not kidding or messing around. And eventually something confusing you can’t quite place yet.

He already has a plan. 'Make him blind.' Aemond suggests, making you nearly choke on your fruit. You put the bowl down and make yourself known again, as they have been ignoring you on purpose since they dragged you in and threw you on the bed.

That is too far. 'You dont need to blind-'

Aegon grabs a cherry from your bowl. 'Quiet.' He puts the cherry in your mouth, silencing you. ‘You still are in trouble. Defending the little bastards, dancing with them…’ You eat the cherry obediently but you are furious they dare to command you like this.

Aemond grins. 'Hm. Enough talking. We have company.’ he says.

Your feelings all over the place. 'Who do you want first tonight?' It's up to you this time. They won't flip a coin like last time. You don't like that bit of freedom they have granted you.

You huff at Aemond. 'Aegon. You clearly dont know how to behave. You don't deserve a reward.' You say with a sweet smile.

Aemond groans threatening when Aegon Laughs at you, happily. He is like a walking time bomb. His emotions are everywhere at once.

The one eyed prince glares at you. 'Hm. I'll remember that.' You feel something bad happen when he says that ominously and the reminder of your first time and how he would fuck you rough during your second time is very fresh in your memory.

‘Aegon, she is yours. Be sure to punish her for her misbehaviour tonight.’

Aegon runs a hand through his silver hairs before getting his shoes off. ‘Oh she will be.’ He grins darkly at you and you swallow.

Aegon climbs on the bed and you back away in instinct. Aemond struts to his desk and starts picking out a book to read when his brother roughly rips your dress open, exposing your breasts. He undresses himself very quickly, touching your breasts gently and running his fingers around your hardened nipples.

Aegon rips of your skirts as well and turns you on your back. You groan as he lifts you and puts you in a familiar kneeling position. 'She is wet.' He says after bending you and showing off your body and entering your insides with his finger.

'She always is, somehow. Our little naughty girl loves getting her cunt fucked.' Aemond comments reading but you sometimes see his good eye stare and look at you. He is pretending to not care about you but you know differently.

You groan. 'I can hear both of you. You will-' Aegon flattens his hand and pushes you torwards him before hitting you several times on your naked exposed ass. You shiver in confusion as pain and pleasure mix inside you.

'The only thing I want to hear from you is how sorry you are for your behaviour and that you'll never even consider doing this again.' He hisses darkly in your ear. You cower.

You are so confused. 'It was a dance. Why do you care?' Aegon forces you to lower your head and you feel him feel you up a bit before he roughly shoves his cock inside you and you groan in pain and whine softly at this rough treatment. You are wet so its easy and nice. It feels good and wrong at the same time but you let Aegon do this. You softly buck and let him have his way with. He fucks out his anger on you.

Aegon is nearing. You are too. You turn around and look at his stiff erection. 'We should teach her how to pleasure us with her mouth.' Aemonds eye twitches a bit. His voice dark and possessive.

Aegon ignores him, grabbing you by your legs and dragging you over to him. You get it once more on your knees much faster and rougher. You pant and close your eyes before Aegon comes inside you and lose it as well.

Aegon kisses your sweaty forehead and tells his brother that he can have you. Aemond slams the book shut and grins. He first does a small inspection of your body. 'Quite wet for us, aren't you?' He mocks you. The son of a bitch.

'Get on all fours.' You obey him. It's best to do so anyway. The sooner you have him inside you the sooner this miserable longing goes away.

'Hmm,' Aemond moans.' Such a tight little fit.'

'So wet too. My brother fucked you nicely but still that's not enough for you, is it?' You shake your head, feeling a blush creep on your cheeks. Aegon growls from across the room. 'Punish her for that. She is such a ungrateful girl.' You want to protest but you see Aegon grin at you. He is only joking.

Aemond however, is not. 'I agree. A punishment is certainly due. How do you wish we punish you, girl?' 'Shall I maybe fuck you? Or maybe you like to suck us both off. We could also try something else out.' You dont like the sound of something else.

'Fuck me,' you breath out. He grabs your hand and lets you rub him. It's been inside you but it's still so foreign and strange to you. 'She is such a scared little thing.' Aegon groans. 'I want her after this.' He says.

You freeze. Aemond uses that and pins you down before kissing you roughly on your mouth. You feel his tongue slip in and get a little bit of a reflect to puke. 'You just had her. It's my turn. I will make the girl scream and cry.' He vows and you whimper in fear.

He seems to like that. 'Present yourself for me. On your knees and spread them nicely.'

'Good.'

'Do you like it that we share you? Do you like having two men to fuck you bloody and to squirt in as much cum as that little cunt of yours can handle? Do you like getting stuffed and stuffed until you can't have it and eventually come when one of us is deeply rooted inside you?'

You nearly grunt. 'Yes what?' He demands.

You keep sighing. 'Yes, to all of that. Please...'

He laughs. 'You wont dance again. You wont even glance at other boys again. You are ours. Is that understood?' He trusts a bit deeper and harder. Your eyes roll in your head.

'Yes! Yes please I'm sorry.' You quickly blurt out.

He groans. 'Apolgise to my brother as well.'

You quickly mutter your apologies 'Aegon I'm sorry.' The fucking intensifies.

You cry out and come soon after. Aemond notices and roars when rolling up against you and fucking you deep. 'I didnt gave you permission for that.'

'Sorry,' you dont know why you apologise to him. You dont. Aemond chuckles warmly before taking you fast and steady. He comes and drops you with a groan after nearly having his way with you for a long and slow time.

'Let me see.' Aegon inspects you. He knows you need him. Deep and hard. Rough and fast. 'Stil wet. You want it two times tonight?' He asks, for your consent. Very unusual.

You nod, softly whispering. 'Yes, please. Very much.'

They both chuckle at that. 'Such a polite little girl when she needs to be. I will have her after this a second time as well.' Aemond pets your hair before backing away and letting Aegon have his fun with you again.

You are dirty, cum on your legs and on your entrance. You are wet and feel feverish and tired. Aegon laughs before climbing on top of you again. You and the princes have sex one more time before they finally decide it's been enough for you for today. They softly wash away the blood and the cum off your body and dress you in a night gown.

You are sore and tired. 'Good girl for fucking us. I want to hear one more time how sorry you are.' Aegon says strictly.

'Very much, my prince.' You answer politely.

'Let's grant her some rest. She must be tired.' Aemond interrupts your playing.

You are indeed. Exhausted. 'You will need to keep awake. The tea will soon come. Unless you want a child with one of us.' Aegon jokes.

You grin. 'They would be adorable.' Both of them share a brief horrified look. 'Yes. I suppose.' Aemond blurts out.

Aegon takes a cup of tea from a maid. 'Here. Drink.' He pushes the drink in your hands.

You are not a spare wife. You are just a object to fuck and to have fun with. 'Can I return to my rooms?' You ask, a bit saddened by their extreme reactions.

Aegon grins at you. 'No, you'll stay here.' He tells you. You dont like that. 'But these are Aemonds rooms-' you protest but the second prince already smirks. 'I dont mind sharing my bed.'

'What if someone comes looking for me?' You wonder. 'What if a servant saw us?' This will only end badly.

Aegon shrugs. 'I'll tell them to hang themselves.' He says casually.

You growl and throw one of Aemonds pillows to him. 'Aegon!' You scold.

He groans. 'What? You are better off with my brother when I take in the city. He might even let you in a nice bath so you can clean up properly. You should be fresh for us.' He wiggles his brows.

You groan and huff. After finishing the tea you enter the bathroom and make a bath. After it you return to Aemond. He is on his bed reading. Aegon is still gone. Subtly you take the book away and grin at him.

'We cant have sex now.' Aemond says, reading your bloody mind with his demon powers. What the hell?

You pout. 'Aren't you ready for it?' You rub him. 'Does your body hurt?'

He grabs you and flips you over his legs so you are on your back like a helpeless kitten. You Yelp, scared. He grins and smacks you again. 'No, you silly goose. I am beyond ready to fuck and to fuck you until you cant walk. But our agreement was that we fuck you when the other is present or we wont fuck at all.' He says and picks up the book again.

''You know; I quite like the way you order me around. I don't know what that is. I dont have it when we are not being intimate.' You softly confess when he runs his hand through your hairs.

He smiles at you. Sincere and gentle. 'It's good you like that. Me and Aegon are used to being obeyed. And you proved us that you serve us very loyally and richly.' He chuckles and you roll your eyes grinning as well.

He continues. 'I shall pass it to Aegon as well. He is careful and holding himself back. I can tell. But if you like getting it rough, getting scolded and punished well who are we to deny yourself and ourselves such pleasures?' Pleasures.

You think. 'Can I ask you something personal?'

He laughs. 'I think we are past that but go on.'

You take a deep breath. 'Do you think you could ever forgive and forget what happened to you? Your nephews-'

'No, I can't.' He abruptly says.

'Sleep, girl. Sleep.' And you do. You do.

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sanchoyo · 7 months

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aaaa

today on my lunch break I was trying to clean up my old bookmarks on my browser and started getting all nostalgic looking at how much RV stuff I had bookmarked a few years ago. Like …I don’t know if I’d realistically want to live in one at this point (or rather if I COULD even prices and cost of living allowing, given my …anxieties…to put it mildly) but having fantasies abt it got me thru a whole lot of shit in 2019-2020… its still a cute concept even given my . um. apprehensions after thinking abt it more lmao

then for funsies I looked up apartment costs and got real depressed lol. Like I know my job isn’t livable wages (part time and all) but living w parents can be hell sometimes. And the kicker is, the area I’m in is one of the cheaper ones in the country!!! Like it’s NOT a big city!! My mom complained our landlady raised the rent a few years ago and now the rent is ~almost 500$~ for a three bedroom house and I’m like. You are so out of touch (respectfully) if you saw the prices of studio apartments that are like 250 sq ft being 800-1000$ u would faint. (Granted our house sucks and has a ton of problems that are kinda Bad but…LIKE…) when our landlady kicks it I just know her son is gonna match our rent to the standard too and idk how my parentsll deal w that 😭

idk. Just made myself kinda depressed bc I do want to move out. I do wanna be independent. But with this job (that’s already kinda…not steady or dependable on hours or even just firing ppl at random lol) I def could not afford it if I consider vehicle payments and food and stuff. I just. Agh… watching cute living alone vlogs on my lunch break didn’t help either 😥 the longing is real today 💔 I’ll never be a grindset work all the time person and ik I prob can’t do too much without burning out severely, but I really do want to try to up my income thru-out the next year… (and like, ik im not in a BAD position rn, not everyone even CAN live with their parents up to this age and most ppl have to pay their own bills, etc, where im only paying part of that, so maybe I should try being grateful yk. I Try To Be)

& I know roommates are a Thing but that also makes me nervous 4 a lot of reasons too. I just. Want to live alone to see if I can!! I want to decorate my own space and listen to music and not be told when to do things or worry someone will let my cat out!! I want to be able to go places without having to ask permission to use someone’s car or explain where and have time limits!! I’m almost!! 27!! Next year!!! I shouldn’t have to do all that im Tired of it!! And Sad a lil bit. Idk. At least my job is offering overtime this week again so that’s kinda nice…(also the reason I havent been on a lot lol, trying to make Money and feeling a ll drained) I think I’ll get myself a lil treat at the end of the week to make myself feel better and as a reward for being Good and actually Working. Like. A donut or smth… 🧍🏻

#under a readmoré on account of this being a lil long ramble. it’s not too bad it’s just seasonal sadness probably #the very day of daylights savings and im like. oooh I’ve never been so sad LOL #sanchoyorambles

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toomanyfandoms-help · 8 months

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some of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions ive been experiencing lately. merely needed a place to write this down and get it off my chest, so please feel free to scroll on

not fully sure exactly how to describe. depressive spiral? self-fulfilling prophecy? simply an unhinged, unhealthy person chattering away and scaring those close to them? something along those lines.

cant pinpoint where exactly it started either. i can give guesses, but its definitely something thats been building, rather than something that snapped.

im thinking somewhere in june. too good to be true, too much going right that i got suspicious. or maybe i was picking up on stuff i shouldve picked up on, did pick on earlier, and ignored.

it certainly started to crumble, starting with the trip. havent spoken to one of them since. its been 2 months. never really liked him though, and im quite assured in assuming the feeling's mutual.

then everyone got busy. and work got worse. and more busy. and even worse. hyperbolic, maybe a little. even still.

i dont push. i hate pushing. whenever i do even a little bit i hate myself for it. i take up other's offers gladly, but it gets further between. it feels less like friendship and more like im merely the person these people vent to every few weeks.

the one time (several times, i just stopped asking) i did ask, it got cancelled severely last minute with a half-assed apology. well, no. it was understandable. but still incredibly frustrating.

been spending more time with my family as a result. its familiar, in a tangy, bittersweet way that nostalgia is. we're closer than most, i know that, given the unique circumstances my and my sister grew up in. she knows me well.

everything took a turn when i quit though. on a whim (stressing all week and all day the day-of) setting my key down and leaving with head held high (shaking like a leaf and turning my music up too high on the drive home). combined with the stress of the previous day (shit going wrong with the house and my sister telling me she was probably minutes away from killing herself several years ago (something i already knew but somehow it hit harder (i can guess why))) it all just hurt

i also was with a friend. the day before i quit. kinda.

he helped me, sure. as in he helped with the house issue. but he didnt really talk to me. he tried to show me tiktoks on his phone (i spotted a groupchat with my friends without me in it (the old one with me hasnt been touched since june)) but they were all so. mindless.

we havent hung out since. he tried, twice. the first time i asked how many people he asked before me (its been a reoccurring problem, actually, where i am the last thought of) and he said i was the first. i didnt believe him. he tried again the next day, but i was actually looking forward to hanging out with my family so i declined.

he hasnt reached out since.

i sometimes think about how it makes me upset i cant be angry. im not really allowed to be. which is a weird thing to think about. what do i mean i cant be angry. but i think i mean it in a way like. my anger burns so deep and hot and fast, and its never good. its never for a good reason. being angry feels good, sometimes, but i cant revel in the feeling because i should not have been angry. i did things i regret.

i dunno. anger is a good emotion to have. i know that. it feels good, to feel your blood boiling just a bit and steam clouding your vision. its the one way i can really lose myself.

but its aimless. im usually angry at things i cant counteract or control or do literally anything against. it builds up. i cant release it. and when i do get angry at something i can do something about, well. it usually gets much more than deserved.

but how do you apologize for that. im not sorry for my anger, i was rightful to be angry. but my actions were maybe over the top. maybe i let out too much. maybe im not communicating at all. i dont know

how does one just. stop. not in a suicide way, but also not not in a suicide way.

i cant just go. not right now. my birthdays in 2 fucking days and i cant do that to my family. so maybe after. but we've got a vacation in 2 weeks and i dont want that to be canceled because its supposed to be the last family vacation we have.

but i cant last that long. im in limbo right now, and every single second is tearing at me and i just cant fucking feel anything anymore.

theres things i want to experience and be around for but the price of being a human being is just so fucking high that i cant fucking do it anymore. why do i exist on this miserable mortal coil and drag people down with me. why am i here

can it just stop, please

#personal #vent #suicide mention

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gorematchala · 1 year

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People will get mad and reject my message but at this point I think PLA is the best Pokémon game

I touched a few games this past week cuz when home updated I played Violet a little bit and something about the battles felt off, and then I saw screenshots of Brilliant Diamond battles and I almost fell asleep, and I was like oh no! Have I grown out of older Pokémon? But then I played Emerald for a bit and no I still love traditional Pokémon games. Every time I play Lets Go Pikachu I have a great time because that game has Mega Evolution and everything is so clean and beautiful visually. But yeah theres something off about BDSP and SV

In the case of SV they did intentionally make the animations quicker so battles would feel faster, and generally I think it worked, but they're also just better in PLA is the issue. Doing Ceasless Edge and Triple Arrow back to back in both games was jarring. All the player and Pokémon animations in SV are great, but then throwing the ball outside of battle feels really fucked up after playing PLA where you can have all 6 Pokémon out of their balls picking up items and shit, and be riding a mount at the same time and its smooth and the game doesn't die

I attribute a lot of the issues with BDSP to gen 4 just being kinda mid in general. I really dont think Platinum is that great, and I havent made it very far in Soul Silver cuz every time I try to play that game I'm just like man, gen 2 is really great, and then I go play Silver. I also dont like the gen 4 sound font. But on top of all that BDSP is just like totally fine, in direct parallel to Legends Arceus which is this amazing pure single player experience where the story is actually legitimately engaging, you can catch 100% of the dex in the game by itself with no fucking Let's Go controller $45 Mew bullshit, it has the best final boss in a Pokémon game by far, the music is unbelievable, the battle system is fun and interesting, you get shinys all the time and they make the most satisfying sound ever when they appear, you can move around during battle which makes you feel like an active participant in it, battles just occur wherever you are in the field seamlessly, all the HM type ride Pokémon function fluidly and conveniently, like I have nothing but good things to say about that game. And then next to it is the game of all time Brilliant Diamond. It's unfortunate

But my credentials are scuffed I guess because I think the best games in the series are PLA, ORAS, LGPE, SWSH, and GSC, I dont think XY were bad, and I absolutely despise gen 5. So I typically dont discuss Pokémon games with people anymore because it just turns into me defending the games that are obviously superior in every way, which sucks cuz I love talking about them and I'm so cool and smart about stuff

#pokemon legends arceus

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hellotherepaul · 3 years

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Nfjdjdjdjjsjsjsjsjsjjakakaka lots of personal rambling in the tags

#this is dumb I know but I'm proud of myself #trying to cut back on weed esp in terms of ive been using it as an avoidance tactic a lot #so like I'll be anxious about stuff i have to do so ill get high for 'just a bit' before i do the thing and suddenly its hours later #and ill talk myself out of it #so instead im hitting a 1:1 cbd to thc that still helps immensely but since its not all thc im functional #tho like.....im pretty functional stoned another reason i need to cut back #but also i do use it for self medicating its not just recreational hence the 1:1 #its how i did school last year without losing my mind tbh i did most homework hitting a 1:1 #anyway yeah this vape cart rocks and I'm genuinely trying to do things today #gonna try really really hard to contact some therapists cause i probably only have one more 'emergency' session with my old therapist #and tbh im super lucky she's been able to do one of those already for me since its like an exception to cross state teletherapy laws #getting a therapist again and going back to weekly should hopefully help with all the other shit #anyway this is rambly and the bar is so low but giving myself a gold star for not doing a dab yet #also trying to actually start using my planner app again i fell out of using it #but like ok A school starts in less than a month and i need to be organized by then but also B i really really need to be doing things #and C i actually have more than like 2 things going on this week and im in danger of losing track of shit #one of those is getting coffee with a good friend who i havent seen since i moved back im super excited ive missed them :-)#theyre one of the few people i knew in pdx from last time who A doesnt have ties to my ex and B ive stayed vaguely in touch with #i love them known them for years and despite not always talking regularly we've stayed friends which is really nice #i really really dont have many people like that #anyway yeah :-) trying to have a /relatively/ sober morning where i do things like i had coffee #took my meds and now im hitting my cbd cart listening to the moldy peaches working on my planner #so far having a really good morning mental health wise i /might/ try and use my weird AI therapy app i have #its actually a great app its run by actual mental health professionals somewhere in the Midwest i think #its a little ai that basically walks you through basic coping strategies/mindfullness and allows you to track thoughts/moods #im mad its fantastic but it costs money for most people i just got it free cause i downloaded the beta in HS and so get it for free #but yeah anyway....ugh i should use it i just know the ai is gonna be all like 'oh wow!! its been a while!' and that just makes me feel bad #rjjdjfjfjdjdjdjdkskksjdjsjsjsjjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjjsjsjsjs this is all over the place hey as always like if you read #personal

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closetedotaku01 · 4 years

Note

thank u for taking my request!!! it is: so where i work (a front desk job) guys come in who are rlly flirty n shit, usually its harmless, like last week some guy just walked by & gave me a note w his number & i havent stopped thinking abt how akaashi would react to that happening to his gf o_o but sometimes it gets...rlly creepy...i jus wanna read abt akaashi w a gf who gets hit on a lot & how he’d react/comfort her 😔 cuz i wish i had him to make me feel better when men are creepy to me 😔

I’m just happy you trust me to write your request, Em. I’m more than happy to take it on <3. I hope it lives up to what you expect. And I’m very sorry you have to deal with what you’re dealing with it’s... disgusting. But I admire your strength for powering through it every day. And Akaashi would too. He’d be so mad at the situation, but so proud of you.

~~~~~~

Fem!Reader x Akaashi

-When it’s harmless flirting, Akaashi usually brushes it off.

-He’s not fond of the situation, but he understands that beautiful girls often get flirted with, and that you can’t really help being so gorgeous, and having such a beautiful smile. Even when the smile is feigned solely for the purpose of doing your job.

-But he trusts you completely. Akaashi wouldn’t even be in a relationship with someone he didn’t fully trust, so it’s never too much of an issue.

-At most he’ll feign a little jealousy so he can tease you and you can tease him back. He loves the cute little batner when you try to reassure him.

-You came home one night, and while you were taking off your shoes Akaashi came up behind you and gave you a hug. He had really needed you that day. Needed to be near you more than anything. And as he whispered a greeting in your ear, his hands slipped into the pockets of your hoodie as he held you. They went in with the intention of holding your hands which were tucked in the pockets to shield them from the cold, but instead he found a note. With some guy’s phone number. He smiled deviously, before having his face fall back to its usual expression.

-He started walking away and reading the guy’s name out slowly, “Really?”

-You laugh, “Oh. That was just some guy at work, Keiji. He was really sweet.”

-“Sweet?”

-“Yeah, he just slid it over on the desk when he was checking out,” you say, following him as he goes to sit on the couch, still examining the paper like it’s an important document that needs to be reread.

-When you’re in front of him he takes your wrist, and tugs gently, pulling you onto the sofa next to him. “Sweeter than me?” Akaashi teases, kissing your hand gently before lifting it over and around his head so your arm is slung around his neck. You lean against his body looking at the creased piece of paper, an uneven heart next to the nine digits written on it.

-You purse your lips to the side, eyes going to the corner of the ceiling, “Well…”

-His arm is suddenly thrown around your waist, and pulls you close to his chest so you’re almost lying on top of him, “Come on, kitten, you can’t just say that!” His voice is slightly whiny before he leans in and kisses the crown of your head, hand cupping your cheek gently and then slipping below your chin and guiding your face to look up at his.

-“Okay fine, Keiji. You win. You’re sweeter,” you huff, annoyed at the effect he has on you. The way his eyes are so peaceful and full of love just for you that you can never resist him.

-He kisses your nose lightly. “Good,” his voice is deep and intense. You lift your head and kiss his lips, before tucking your face into his neck.

-Akaashi loves knowing that he’s the one who gets your kisses and your eyerolls. Your soft touches and your playful hits. Your love and your teasing. You are his, and he will never understand how he got so lucky.

-However when things go too far… his reaction changes.

~~~~

You come home late. Later than normal. Later than the nights when your shitty boss makes you take on extra shifts. Later than ever before. No texts. No calls. No warning. And the second Akaashi hears the keys, he’s at the door. He’s been pacing the length of the apartment the whole night, waiting for you to get home. Needing you to come home and be with him so he could be certain you were okay.

He just wants to pull you in close and hold you, hold on tight to you, and fall asleep easily.

But when he sees you, he hesitates. Your hair is a mess, your makeup completely gone, your eyes rimmed red, your body closed off to him, your lips swollen.

“Kitten?” he asks softly, approaching you slowly and cautiously like approaching a wounded animal, “Is everything okay?”

You shake your head. You can feel all of it still. The disgust and grime all over you. There’s nothing clean. Nothing safe.

Akaashi knows you too well, “Want me to run a bath for you?” You nod and he gets straight to it, setting up candles and a bath bomb quickly and warming the water to your perfect comfort level. He lets you be alone while you bathe, letting the warm water melt away the day. Melt away the touch of that man’s hand on yours when he took the key to his room. Letting the steam and scented candles fog your mind, separating you from your thoughts, hazing the memory of his sleazy grin and crude remarks. You let your eyes flutter closed, and let it all disappear.

It doesn’t.

You get out of the tub, and squeeze your hair out, just enough so it’s not dripping. Akaashi sitting on the sofa in the living room. His head is leaned back over the back rest, eyes closed in thought. He’s playing with his fingers the way he always does, bending them back slightly and rubbing them up and down before moving to the next one.

You know it’s killing him. He needs to fix it. Wishes he could know what’s wrong and solve it the way he always does, clear the problem and move on. But you’re not ready to talk about it. And there’s no way to really fix it anyway. You spent hours of your shift, and beyond your shift talking to HR. It was the whole reason you were out so late. And they’d only reminded you of precautions you were meant to take. Because there was nothing they could do. Nothing anyone could do. Especially not to undo the damage that had already been done.

You walk around the sofa and he sits up straight, eyes flashing up to you. You know he needs it, and the world always feels a bit safer with Akaashi, so you take one of his hands in yours. You let your eyes meet his and you can see him analyzing you.

It used to bother you. Used to get on your nerves that he didn’t just talk to you. But in moments like this, in the moments when the words seemed impossible, you were grateful he knew you this well. He scoots over slightly, giving you an easy way in, and you take it. You curl up next to him. Your head rests on his shoulder, your hand cupped gently in his as he plays with your fingers now. He sees the way you relax at his gentle touch, and it brings him some peace knowing he’s at least being helpful.

The increasingly late hour makes everything feel oddly calm. Like the events that happened…. didn’t. Like your mind falsified the event, like in a few hours you’d be able to chalk it all up to a dream or being wasted. Of course, every time you think about it, it hits you, all of what he said, what he did, and the terrible realization of what he must have been thinking.

You speak with calculated words, like the story isn’t yours, “It was bad today, Keiji.”

There was no prompting, but Akaashi acts like your words didn’t just come out of nowhere, “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

He nods, lightly bobbing his head, “That’s okay. We can just stay like this. Or I can put on music, or a movie to distract you. But if you want to talk… I want to hear it.”

“Okay,” you say, finally turning your head to face him. He puts on a slight faked smile for you. You know he’s waiting. And you know it’s better to talk about it, to vent, then to let it keep consuming you. Get it out of your head, and then it’ll stop taking up every corner of your mind.

“There was … a really creepy guy at my work today. He …,” with being so mentally distant from the situation, and having already told the woman at work your situation, you thought it’d be easy to say. There was something about telling Akaashi that makes the whole thing real. It makes you realize how sickening it was. Forces you to take in the fact that that man had made a decision. A conscious decision proving that, to him, you and your comfort and boundaries, were not worth respecting. That you were something he believed he had a right to have access to. And the thought makes your mind open, finally accepting what happened, and you can’t go on. Your voice is caught under the lump in your throat, you can feel your eyes welling up.

Your lips press into a line, an attempt to hold in the whimpers threatening to fall out.

Akaashi’s eyes are patient and concerned, but once he realizes there won’t be more he doesn’t know what to do. You take the first motion, needing him closer as you cry into him, and Akaashi scoops you up into him, pulling you as close as the world will allow two people to be. “I’m so sorry.” He lets his large hands care for you, one rubbing up and down your back, pressing your slightly farther into him, the other scratching the back of your head gently.

You nod as you let the tears fall, gripping tight onto his shirt, letting yourself take him in. The smooth, gentle, welcomed feel of his skin as his body surrounds you. The clean, calming smell of him. The faint memory of cologne stuck to his shirt. His body wash, cologne, and detergent, filling your mind with pleasant memories. The warmth radiating off his body into yours. He feels warmer than the bath. You can feel the steadying control he has over his body.

“I’ve got you, Kitten. I’m right here,” he pushes you back only slightly so he can take your hands and loosens your grip on his shirt, instead letting his fingers intertwine with yours, “I’m not going anywhere.” He releases your hands, and his to your back, pressing you into him gently.

You bring your hands up, looping them around his neck and playing with the soft hair at the nape of his neck. You let yourself fall apart, let yourself tumble down and crack and weep, let fractured sentences slip out between sobs, unconcerned that you always leave them unfinished, because you know, no matter how far you break, Akaashi is there holding you together.

He never wavers. His breathing, his heartbeat, the calming strokes of his hands, all of it is steady. And he stays like this until your tears stop flowing, and your hiccups and sobs cease.

“Do you want to tell me the rest or do you want a distraction?”

“Distraction,” you barely manage to get out.

“A movie? A song? Do you want to hear about my day? Or have me tell you a story? Or---?”

“Just wanna hear your voice, Keiji.”

His heart doesn’t know what to do. You hear the way it thrums in his chest. Caught between melting apart at the sweet way you love him, at the knowledge that he can ease you, and breaking apart at how broken you sound.

“Alright, kitten. Let’s see… once upon a time, in a far off kingdom, there was….”

Akaashi continues to tell this little story. It’s mostly nonsense, but you love how his mind works. How he can spin beautiful stories for you whenever you need them.

When you hear him lose his thought, you chime in with a quick detail, your voice soft and raspy. It’s nothing like the stories he writes. These stories are far more special. He usually tells them to you when you’re having trouble sleeping, and you love the calm way he speaks, and the slight voices he does. You’re especially fond of the gentle way he pauses, waiting for you to name every character, or to say which creature the protagonists run into on their quest.

Tonight’s story was about a beautiful princess who, as always, shared your name or some variation of it. The story isn’t one you pay too much attention to, instead focusing on his heartbeat and the way his voice sounds deeper and garbled as it reverberates through his chest. Focusing on the way his body is wrapped around yours, and how safe it feels.

And after a little while, after a few twists and turns in the story, Akaashi manages to lull you to a peaceful sleep in his arms.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #Haikyuu fluff #Akaashi #Akaashi Keiji #Akaashi x Reader #Akaashi fluff #Akaashi comfort #I simp for Em #no one has any right to make you feel uncomfortable #and I’m sorry that some people think they do #I hope your situation improves #I hope this brings you some comfort #Lila Writes💫

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diamondcamefromhell · 4 years

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Cane

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

A/N: play “guess whos back” on me because ayee, i am back, this time not with jaskier fic [sorry bby] but with... kaz brekker? whaa? so i am super late to the fandom but i read six of crows a couple of weeks ago and wanted to write an imagine with kaz x reader so.... vuioula?

oh and also HAVENT read crooked kingdom yet so no spoilers plz <333

Summary: y/n is part of the dregs, on good terms with kaz but when kaz gets a bit hurt things take a turn

Warnings: swearing and leg injury [not grpahic at all]

word count:

FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT I MIGHT TAKE AWHILE TO GET TO THEM [open for all witcher and six of crows characters btw]

Kaz slipped on his gloves looking at me like I was a disgrace, but I began to wonder if that was is resting face. He seemed to look like that at nearly everyone. I flashed him my teeth in return.

“No need to glare, pretty boy.” He clicked his tongue at my nickname, which I knew for a fact he hated. Or pretended to hate.

“Get off my fucking wardrobe, Y/N.” I lift by brows in question, laying back down, or trying to do so as much as I could in the small space.

“I like it here.” I shoot a glance at Kaz, who just rolls his eyes, but I see a small curl forming on his lips. “I may be no Inej, but I like small spaces.”

“I know.” Kaz says almost softly, before he picks up his cane and pokes me in the legs. “But terrorize someone else, please.”

“Oh did our great Kaz Brekker just said please?” I tease, but however jump off his wardrobe. Kaz towers over me slightly, looking down now, leaning on his cane.

“Next time I will beat you with my cane.” I narrow my eyes, grinning.

“Ooh, scary.” I pat him on the shoulder, moving away before he actually beats me with his cane. His expression grows cold at the touch, but I ignore it. “Where are we headed?”

“I am going to see some friends.” Kaz says through his teeth, making it pretty clear I am not welcome.

“You don’t have friends, but alright, pretty boy.” I wink, heading for the door, but I stop for a moment before leaving. I shoot a glance at him and he raises his eyebrows. “Be careful, please.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He says nonchalantly.

“You know I always will.” I whisper, leaving the room and slamming the door.

I decide to make my way to Jasper, jumping down the stairs to catch him gambling at the table. I glance at the group, already guessing he will lose. He sees me approaching and flashes me a smile. I wink in turn, looking around the room for more familiar faces.

I wish Nina were here. We got along great, even if she was relentless and insisted I have a crush on Kaz.

She may be right. But it wasn’t about that. It was about respect. Gratitude. It was about family.

Kaz makes his way downstairs, limping more than usual. Inej appears from nowhere and they exchange a few whispers before he leaves and the Suli girl looks at me.

“He’ll be fine, you know.” She says, approaching me. I believe her, but still feel uneasy.

“Do you think he would kill me if I followed him?” Inej laughs because the answer is blaringly obvious. I flush red.

“He would one thousand percent catch you. And be angry.” Inej takes my hand in hers. “And he will be fine. You don’t have to worry. It’s Kaz.”

“Bastard of the Barrel.” I mutter, pulling away. Inej’s face shadows but she forces a smile. I don’t respond. “I’m going to sleep.”

“It’s early.” I glance at Inej, already walking away.

“I’m tired.” I respond, stepping two steps at a time, rushing into a room they got let me stay in, falling face down on my bed.

Moments later I roll down off it, in the small tight space between the bed and the wall. Tight places make me feel safe. Not exposed. Hidden.

I had to hide too much as a child. It’s now forever in me.

You only wont get hurt if they don’t find you. If they don’t see you. If you make yourself so small, you disappear.

I slip into sleep, not sure for how long, until my door flies open. I instinctively lower myself underneath my bed, until I recognize that the voice.

“Y/N!” Jasper. I roll from under the bed, meeting his gaze as he gets startled. Our eyes lock and he opens his mouth to speak. “It’s Kaz…”

I don’t wait for him to finish. I am on my feet, practically flying out of my room, my heart a few steps behind, lungs on fire, I go to his room, but he is not there. I slam the door behind me, sending myself flying down the stairs.

I lose my footing, falling ungracefully on my knees. My ankle seemingly catches fire but I don’t care, jumping on my feet, looking around, white noise ringing in my ears.

Kaz. Where is he?

I see Inej rush from the furthest corner of the room. Our eyes meet.

“Here.” She points, but as I try to rush past her into the other room, she catches me. “You need to calm down first.”

“Let me go.” I practically growl, but she holds me. I feel Jasper approach too.

“Breathe, for fucks sake.” Jasper says, shaking my shoulders from behind, and I let out a breathe that I didn’t even realize I was holding in.

“Kaz is fine.” Inej says, forcing me to look at her. “Just his leg got busted a little bit more. He will be fine. Nina is on her way.”

“Let me in.” I hiss, freeing myself from her grip, but she stands in front of the door.

“He said-“ I slam my hand next to her face. She doesn’t flinch and doesn’t move. We lock eyes.

“I don’t care.” I know she understands. I know she knows why I have to see him. She moves out of the way.

“Knock yourself out.” She says coldly. I give her a nod, before I twist the handle, pushing the door.

The room is lit up and I see Kaz in a chair, his leg lifted on another one. He has his eyes closed, holding his cane over his midriff. He doesn’t look at me when I close the door.

“I thought I made it clear I don’t want you hear.” Ouch. I cross my arms, glaring at him, even if he cant see.

“I thought you said you will be fine.” I respond and he looks at me, cold faced.

“I am fine.” I shake my head, approaching him. I sit on the ground, pulling knees to my chest. A comfortable distance away, so he doesn’t kick me if I piss him off.

“That scared the shit out of me.” I whisper, closing my eyes. “When Jasper came in my room and just said your name and when Inej stopped me. I thought you died.”

“Why should it matter if I died? It doesn’t change your debt. Your life.” I snicker at his words.

“Yeah. My life would totally be the same if you died, Kaz.” I hate that I cant hide the shaking. I hate that he probably sees me as a weak woman. As a weak person. Someone childish and immature. But I cant stop acting like that. Even now, when he is hurt.

“People would still take care of you.” I glance up at him just as he looks down to me. “If that’s what you worried about. The Dregs have your back.”

“There are no Dregs without you.” I say, but he scoffs.

“Whatever.” I sigh, standing up. My ankle kills me suddenly, and I grab his chair to steady myself. “Are you alright?”

“Whatever.” I say, looking at him. “Why should it matter if I am hurt? Your life is the same.”

“Not if you don’t pay your debt.” He says and I am taken back. I stare at him, stone faced, sitting there without a care of the world. Only kruge. All he needs is kruge.

“Fuck you, Kaz.” I breathe out, stepping back, limping.

“You too, Y/N.” Doors behind my back open and I can only assume it’s Nina.

I don’t say a word. I turn around, not even saying hi, I leave the room. I limp past Inej and Jasper. They don’t try to stop me. I limp out of the building into the dark streets of Ketterdam.

I breathe in the air, not sure where to go. I needed to air out my emotions. To be away from everyone.

I wanted to be alone. To hide. Make myself feel small. Invisible.

Seemed that is what I will always be. Only seen for what people need of me, not who I am.

But then again, who am I?

I go to the Fifth Harbour. I know its not safe. I know its dumb. But I don’t care.

Luckily, I get there without any trouble. I go behind some crates and fishing nets stacked against one of the buildings. I squeeze myself in, make myself invisible between two crates. I throw the net over the top.

Sky looks like its made from puzzle pieces now. Nothing is connected. All scattered, all a mess.

I close my eyes.

“Im such a fucking child.” I say to myself, quietly. “I cant handle rejection like an adult.”

I lean back breathing in the salty air. I can barely move. It makes me feel safe. I focus on that. How I am squeezed in. How I feel.

How it proves I am alive. I am real. I matter.

I don’t realize how I fall asleep, softly crying, but when I wake, the sun is already high in the sky. My entire body is stiff from being squeezed in one position all night. Everything hurts and I can barely open my eyes.

I try to stand, but the pain in the ankle stabs me and send me back to the ground, with the net tangling around me. A wave of panic rushes over me as I try to get it off, only making matters worse.

I stop and breathe, trying to calm down, until I hear someone knocking on a crate nearby. Something towers over me, blocking the sun.

I open my eyes to see Kaz looking down to me. A smallest hint of relief runs past his face for a moment, but then he is back to being cold.

“Need a hand?” He asks, tapping the cane on the crate again. I glare at him, tears burning my eyes. I shake my head. “Alright.”

He moves away, the sun blinding me again. I don’t hear him walk away, so I know he is still standing there. Probably mocking me. Great.

I get the net off myself this time. Lift myself despite my body screaming at me. Just a moment later I am standing in front of him and our eyes meet again.

I limp past him, he silently walks behind.

“Told you I am fine.” He speaks, and I hear him double tap his cane. “As good as I was before.”

“Good.” I say, not slowing down. “Glad to hear that.”

“Nina is back at Crow Club to help you.” Kaz says again and this time I glance back. He isn’t looking at me, but more at the people passing us.

“Okay.” I slow down as my ankle is killing me now, limping even more. I don’t want Kaz to see me like this. Everything hurt. “I know the way.”

“Just keeping you safe.” He says calmly, and I know he expected me to protest.

“I don’t need you to keep me safe.” I say quietly and the man just sighs.

I stop for a moment, next to some other crates, leaning against them. Kaz catches up to me, blocking the sun again. I look at him.

“Am I really just walking kruge for you?” I ask, breathing heavily. “Not a walking, breathing and feeling human being?”

“You are barely walking.” He says, glancing at my ankle.

“Don’t ignore my question.” I say harshly.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” We glare at each other, and I push myself up and walk again, though visibly way more slowly than before. This time Kaz stays by my side.

“At least I wont bother you anymore. I wont be able to climb that fucking wardrobe anytime soon.”

“Nina will patch you up and you will be there in no time, Y/N.” Kaz doesn’t sound fazed yet again, as if he thought all of this out already.

“I’m clearly not welcome.” I whisper, looking ahead. Tears prick my eyes but I will break another ankle before I let Kaz see me cry over him. “And I need to work harder to pay my debt off.”

“Not being welcome never stopped you before.” I glare at him.

“Thanks.”

We walk in silence. Or move at a snails speed. I try to fasten myself, but it seems like I will eat dirt before that happens. Kaz doesn’t seem fazed.

He also doesn’t seem to be limping as much.

We make it away from the docks, and he stops, and I follow suit. I sit down on the ground, breathing heavily. He stares seemingly into the abyss.

“Why do you care about me?” He asks and I scoff.

“Not here to boost your ego, pretty boy.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“It’s not about that.” He responds with sadness in his voice.

“Because you are the first person who cared about me. Even if it was out of kruge. You are the first person who made me feel not small.” I say in one breath as he looks at me, his expression unreadable. “I want you to do that for yourself too. You wont allow anyone else to help you, I want you to help yourself. I want to be here when that happens. I want to make sure you are here to see that happen.”

“Thank you.” He says so quietly I almost don’t catch that.

I smile to the ground until his gloved hand reaches out to me. I take it, standing up. Then the unexpected happens.

Kaz gives me his cane. I stare at it as if it’s a bomb.

“You need it.” I say, but Kaz shakes his head.

“You need it more, Y/N.” When I don’t move, he shoves it in my hand anyway. “I insist.”

I use his cane, wondering if this is the closest I will ever get to him. His cane feels like an extension of him. And he lend it to me.

We make the rest of the way without stopping or talking, once we enter the building a few pairs of eyes shoot to the cane in my hands and to the empty handed Kaz next to me.

Everyone is smarter than to say something, though.

Nina rushes to me, getting me to sit. Then she proceeds to scold me for walking on my hurt ankle. I sit there, apologising and nodding and thanking her as everyone watches us.

I glance at Kaz who is grinning at the sight.

He leaves though, going back to his room. Nina finishes and only then I realize I am still clutching his cane. I excuse myself from her and go up the stairs while grisha stares at me.

My ankle is way better but I’m still limping and she told me to rest.

I don’t bother knocking, I just limp in and he lifts his head from the table, looking at me.

“Your cane.” I say, putting it on the table.

“Oh right.” He says, looking at it. “How’s your leg?”

“Better now. Thank you.” I say, smiling. “And sorry for being a child.”

“I am glad you are like that. Means you are more than just kruge.” I flush. “You are a person.”

“Does that mean when I get better I can climb your wardrobe?” He rolls his eyes, though smiling.

“Fuck off.” I laugh.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows #kaz brekker angst #heart emoji times ten #kaz brekker is daddy #i love him #the dregs #six crows #criminals #i love them all #i am so gay fr the girls

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

Text

Wilfords Demands: Who Do You Belong To?

Summary- 5.2 k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Written for @mcudarklibrary Kink Challenge- April. You’ve been in Curtis care for a few weeks now. He has no hesitation in reminding you who you belong to. Warnings- Dub Con/Non Con situations, punishments treatment, drug and alcohol mentions.

Chapter One- Just Another Prisoner / Masterlist

“So Curtis, how are you liking your new girl?” Wilford asked curiously as he flicked some crumbs off his luscious red robe, frowning as he rubbed at what looked like a smudge, under his breath he complained. “Those fucking cleaners never do anything right. Useless the lot of them.” The older man chose to ignore it for now, turning back to Curtis sitting opposite of him, Claude pouring fresh tea into two delicate china mugs. “Isnt she something, as soon as I saw her on camera, I knew you would like her. Yes, shes a bit thin still, but get some meat on her, and she will have all those nice curves to keep you occupied.”

Curtis nodded his thanks to Claude and reached to take the cup, contemplating what Wilford was talking about, you were rather lovely in your innocence. All Curtis had to still do was look at you a certain way, and your cheeks would turn pink and your glance would look away from him, sometimes a tiny whine would issue, making him grin. “Im liking her quite fine. She was an innocent you know? I was surprised.” Wilford winked over his cup while he added generous amounts of honey comb to his cup, swirling his cup a bit before taking a sip.

“I had hoped she would be, How the fuck I know, pretty little thing like that. I am a bit disappointed she isnt pregnant yet though, but in due time I know. I just get impatient.”

Curtis kinda shrugged a bit, he never really cared what Wilford did with the kids they made him, but this time it kinda rubbed him the wrong way. He didnt seem to pick up on it, or chose to ignore it, falling into another subject that Wilford used them for. Entertainment for the front enders for a couple months a year, a sport.

“Also, its about time for the games, and Im putting my goods on you Curtis, Do not disappoint. Once you get in that ring, murder the sons of bitches.” The true purpose of the games, weed out the weak. So far only three of the original group still survived, Curtis was one of them for his brutal approach to all of it. He was a survivalist first, and had no issue getting blood all over in the process.

“Yes I know, trust me, I dont want my ass fucking dead.” Curtis growled out and grew impatient, ready to get back to you. “We done shooting the shit Wilford, or you ready for this months supplies?”

“God your always so fucking impatient to leave my company.” Wilford rolled his eyes and sighed as if hurt, Curtis just stared at him waiting for him to get on with it. “Okay, my boy... let me know what you want.”

Curtis wasted no time, filling out his demands and leaving straight afterwards. There was only so much time he could stand being in that mans presence. His spirit uplifted a bit knowing he would be seeing you again. You were still quiet in his presence, trying to remain unnoticed, but he was always aware of your presence unlike any other woman he had ever been with. Sometimes he would draw out conversation from you. But your answers were usually short, clipped, or you shrugged not knowing how to answer. Seeing how you lived in the tail end all your life, there was simply things you didnt know about. That was okay, you would learn about these things soon enough.

Opening the door and stepping in, you were curled in the seat near the window, a book resting on your knee and gaze out the window watching the speeding landscape. You jumped slightly when Curtis entered and pulled your legs up nervously to watch him. Always so observant his girl was. "You havent seem to gotten to far while I was gone." nearby he sat down some bags of stuff he brought back with him, the items he had asked for from Wilford.

Your fingers trail down the spine and you slide it to the table, shaking you head softly. "Cant concentrate Curtis." Wary was how you were of this man, who stalked around his room till he moved to sit on the edge of the bed nearby. "Hmmm, do you not like it?" How brow arched and a your voice rose in a rush, as you clutched at the book. "No no, t-thank you... Its not that." You didnt want to loose a gift he brought you. Already reading through the few he had, you had gotten bored being unable to leave the small room. Curtis had requested a book for you with Wilford, and as you were finding out, Wilford accommodated Curtis requests typically.

"I was tested again, and still negative... " your voice dropped, admitting to your distraction. At first the news would cause Curtis to curse, drag you back to bed to try again.

So your head dropped, waiting to be yanked onto the mattress, but these past few weeks, he changed. Sometimes your news didn't cause any reaction, he would leave you to what you were doing. You trembled a bit, waiting to see what today would bring.

Curtis isnt sure when it changed for him, that he actually liked this one, it was something more then what was required of him, having any interest in his charge. You, a little tail ender was so innocent in to what he did to you, that he found it endearing. Her little surprised mewls when he taught you some new sense gave him satisfaction. He patted his knee. “Come over here Y/N”

The tension raised between the two of you when you hesitated, curling your hands together and your face wanted to defy him, he could see the flash in your eyes and the way your breathing flared your nose. Curtis arched a brow daring you to tell him no. Oh would you? He almost wanted you to, that primal part of him loved overpowering you beneath him. You were so defeated when he first got his hands on you, but he felt that you had a bit of fire somewhere still, it just needed to be ignited.

After a few seconds though you went back to your resigned manner and unfolded your legs approaching him, moving to stand in between his spread thighs. “Dont worry about the negative, it doesnt always happen right away.” His fingers snapped at your pants buttons and slid them down with a jerk, your hand bracing against his shoulder to keep from loosing balance and lifting your feet to loose your pants. He pushed your shirt up. “Get rid of all this to.”

Lifting your shirt and tossing it aside, that deep blush he admired so much spread down from your face and neck, flaring over your collarbone. His mouth smirked until he lashed his tongue over a nipple, teasing the other with pinching fingertips. “But how long till they get impatient Curtis?” you took a shuddering breath feeling the warmth of his mouth tease you to a peak, rubbing your thighs together as heat pooled faster then you expect it to in your core. “Im ready to be done and go back home.” He growled at this, biting enough for you to yelp, and try to pull away but his legs have you trapped in between them.

“What makes you think your going back Y/N?” He growled deeply, whipping you around, and pulling you back into his lap with one muscled forearm circled around your waist. “I already told you, you were given to me to use.” your hands were grasping his forearm pressed around your midsection, and you whine softly at his words. “But once Im pregnant you wont want me in your space, why wouldnt they send me back till birth?”

“Cause, Im keeping you. Open your mouth.” He demanded and grabbed a hold of your jaw, forcing your mouth to open, his other arm loosened around your waist and moved two fingers to your mouth.“suck, get them good and wet Y/N” his fingers pressed against your tongue and you immediately started to suck on his digits. doing your best to do as he asked. “As I told you a few weeks ago, your issued to me for at least the next few years.” Shifting his legs to hook yours over his knees and spread his legs so your thighs spread apart wide for him, the rush of cooler air hitting your aroused flesh made you moan around his fingers pressing against your tongue. “Your here till your used up or Im tired of you.” His voice, was so final as he yanked his fingers out from your mouth, tracing your bottom lip with one of the drenched fingers. “And then your still not going back there Honey. He wont let you go back home”

Before you could fully register what Curtis was telling you, he dropped his hand to your cunt, his fingers warm and wet from how you worked them traced your pussy lips, soft under his fingertips, his biting kiss on your neck was a stark contrast, making you attempt to pull away, but he once more clamped his arm around your waist to keep you in place, his long middle digit dipping in between the folds, tease your sensitive flesh. “N-never? even if I was useless to have children?”

“No, never. Have you ever seen anyone return to the tail end? Your not an exception. Trust me... You could be in a worst place then with me.” Continuing to rub your cunt, circling your aroused bud but never quite touching when he would return to stroking and teasing her entrance with slight dips of his fingers, collecting your arousal to spread. “I am not the only man who does this, and plenty are cruel to there partners.” It was getting harder to focus on Curtis as he started finally touching where you ached, his arm tightening when you would arch and let your head fall back to his shoulder. Pressing his lips to your temple. “Curtis... Its,,,”

“Feels good right? Most the time it will if Im doing my job right,” Assuring as he let two fingers fill your wet heated entrance, making you open your thighs wider, his own adjusting to help you keep them spread. You were panting, rocking your hips to meet his thrusting digits. If you werent so caught up in the moment, you would have been embarrassed of the squelching sound your wet cunt was making the faster he pumped his fingers. Your walls started to clench around him, and that little firey coil started to tighten in your lower belly.

“M-most of the time?” You managed to utter, and Curtis chuckled while biting lightly on your earlobe. “Well your a temptation, this tight little body.” His fingers hooked when he said that, come along with me baby. He would stroke your walls to comply with his wishes, fighting against his hold, and you were crying out when you pushed back into his chest, locking and shaking, flooding his hand. “Wouldnt be hard for me to loose control and just fuck you into the mattress”

Your thighs are trying pushing to close, aching from being stretched open, and fighting through your orgasm. He shoved you forward slightly to undo his pants, and you lean forward to brace your hands against your knees, your head dipping forward to catch your breath. It wasnt long you felt his cock pressing against your back. God you fucking hope he never lost control with you, You could barely handle him now, and everything he did was measured calculated. Curtis did nothing without giving it some thought, you knew this.

Hands at your hips, lifted your ass enough so he could fit himself into your core, and eased you back, slowly so he inched in, making you stretch around him but it still made you hold your breath till you were full of him, every movement you made, made you groan, his thrusts were quick upward angled jabs, pressing deeper and you still braced your hands while arching your breasts forward, this angle was so fucking full, concentrating was impossible. There was just rushed thrusts and grinding your hips back down.

Somewhere it registered his cussing against your neck, as his thrusts pressed forward longer in your clenching pussy. “Fuck your so good, just gonna fill you till your dripping with cum.” He grunted against the back of your neck, his fingers digging into your hips and started to move you faster, bouncing you, and you just rode it till he roared and warm jets of his cum started to fill you. Your channel flexed around his cock, milking him for the last of it, and you collapse back against him, covering your face with your hands and giving a soft sob from your second orgasm within a short time.

Pulling himself from him, he swiped his fingers through your cunt and scooped his cum back into you, making you quiver slightly at the sensation. Curtis gave a possessive nip to your neck, and shifted your legs back to a close. Fuck the muscles ached, all you wanted to do was lay down, the muscles in your thighs screaming with a burn. Curtis tapped your thigh to stand. “Dont be letting that run down your leg Y/N,” You nod and go to stand, your legs shaking enough to look like you might wipe out, Curtis hands shot out and grasped your hips to draw you back and sit on the bed. “Probably need a moment to get your legs back.”

Tucking himself back in his pants, he let you claim the bed and went to where he had ditched the bags he brought back from Wilfords. You dragged a blanket over your naked body and watched with curiosity as he pulled out some clothing for you, nicer then the stuff youve been wearing. “Whats that for?” you asked curiously.

Curtis brought the skirt and top over to let you inspect them. “They are for you. There is a entertainment car, and I figured your ready to meet others. I trust you to remember who you belong to” Your eyes brightened at the idea of seeing others, even if they were front enders. “Hows your legs? If you can stand, were going in half an hour.” He took the rest of the bag and turning his back to you, stored away a few books Wilford gave him, a treat for you later if you got to bored and deserved them. Curtis hoped there would come a time where you wanted to please him, not had to please him.

While he was doing this, you tested yourself, and gathered the clothing to your bare chest. “they are fine... I will go get ready Curtis.” You escaped quickly into the bathroom, easing the door mostly closed. You rubbed your face in the soft long sleeve, it was the softest thing you could remember feeling and when you tugged the clothing on, braiding your hair to sweep straight down your back well past your waist, you couldnt remember feeling this way, like you were being showed off,and you kind of liked it. Stepping out, your clear your throat a bit and Curtis looks up from where he had been reading the spot you left in your books.

Fuck you look good. Curtis nods his approval, and you nervously pick at the shirt, biting back a grin in your excitement. A warm rush tingles Curtis seeing you so damn happy for the first time since he brought you back a book, and unlocking the door, he held it open for you, beckoning you to step out. Going to step out the door, your hand braced on the door frame as you peeked out, it was empty, which your heart sunk a little and with a gentle ease of Curtis’s hand in the small of your back, you step into the wide looking hallway. He slung his arm around your waist, a steady hold on your hip and in the belt loops of your pants, he led you towards the front, the way you were dragged down to his room. “Now you stay with me Y/N unless I tell you otherwise, understand? Your free to talk to people that are in this car, but remember your place. You are mine, if I find out you are disrespecting what we have going on, or me, you wont like the consequences.”

“Yes Curtis” you reply, feeling your mouth go dry with nerves and anticipation, would you know anyone there? You hoped so, you were desperate to find out how your friends were in the tail end. You two reached a gate, and your bouncing a bit at his side, the music on the other side is thumping loud and you can see flashes of lights through the cracks. Curtis smiles a bit to himself at how obvious excited you are to get out of the room, but there are rules, and he had to be sure you knew them. Turning you to face him, he grabs your chin and makes you look at him. “Remember what I said, do you understand? do you have any questions before we go in?”

You nod probably a little harder then you should and you glance at the door once more before back up to him. “Am I allowed to ask about the tail end if I see anyone I know? That wont make you upset with me?”

Curtis thought about this for a few moments, it wouldnt hurt and you so desperately wanted to know, probably still had your hopes up about one day seeing your friends again. “You can, but dont expect to see anyone from before in there Y/N” His fist thumped against the metal door, and it popped open enough for Curtis to slide through and he took your arm, bringing you through. It wasnt quite as you remembered, but last time you came through, you were being dragged, and didnt exactly have time to admire the setting. This time you did though, and your eyes widened before you.

People, gyrating all over each other, among the flashing lights above them, it was extremely distracting and made you want to shut your eyes. First the people were laughing and dancing, then they would turn and a clash of teeth and lashing of tongues inhaled one another in open mouth kisses, moving from one person to whoever was closest. You leaned more into Curtis, not wanting to get caught up in the orgy. It was something you didnt enjoy from him, and you knew you wouldnt like it here either. With a push of his hand, Curtis broke past the group, and the car opened up to show more people dancing, some with one another, some off poles placed in what looked like a seating area, people lazing around, high from the kronoles scattered in the sunken seating booths. Curtis led you past these as well until you two were near the other side, and he directed you to sit. “Just wait here, I will be back.” A simple nod was efficient enough for him, and he went to the small bar set up.

“Kronoles, rum and coke?” The man asked Curtis while he pulled out to glass jars to pour the alcohol into.

“Just the rum and coke.” Normally Curtis would part take in the kronoles, chase that mindless high that came with it, but not this time with you accompanying him. He would come back another time without you. The rum and coke though, rare treat, doing some calculations about the occasion for the rare indulgence. Wilford had announced it was new years. Collecting the drinks, he came back to where you were half in and out of your seat, curious to your surroundings. Twisting back into your seat, your nose wrinkled as you sniffed your drink, used to only water. “What is it?”

“Try it and find out.” Was all he said, and you cautiously brought your mouth to the edge, taking a sip. It burned and was sweet at the same time, and you took another sip that stung its way down your throat. The dart of your tongue wasnt missed by Curtis, and his cock twitched at the very notion of how sweet your lips would look stretching around his shaft, your head tipped to meet him with your eyes rolling up to meet him. Fuck... It was gonna have to go on your list of necessary teachings. No it wouldnt benefit what you two were striving for, but it was a damn sweet thought, your mouth sucking him off. To cool off, he to took a bigger swallow then your sip, appreciating the burn as it went down to settle in his gut.

“what is it?” You repeated and he looked at you and swiped his thumb over your lower lip to dry it off. “Rum and Coke, we only get it once a year, usually its homemade shit or cheap ass beer thats long since gone stale. Its new years though, another year living on the train passed.”

“Oh! I never heard the announcement.” Your gaze again falls to looking around the room, and you got bolder in your drinking. Soon, your eyes were brighter then usual and there was a flush to your cheeks. Curtis watched you get caught up in it all and he finally leaned over to whisper in your ear. “You can go dance you know, just dont stray far from the table.” He knew others would pick up on your innocence right away, target you for your weakness, typically it was a game. That is until people learned that your were his, and he was never one to share.

Nervous, you hesitate a moment, and then push up to go up the stairs, and dont wander to far away, but mingle. Soon your drawn into a group of women who were just dancing, and the rush of the alcohol in your system swept you away in the motion. Curtis caught sight of you laughing and swaying your hips, deeming that you were fine. He collected your glasses to go refill them with just straight soda this time, and a pair of steel grey eyes crinkled at the corners, smirking watching Curtis, whom was unaware of the threat. About time he left his girl alone was the mans thoughts, pushing from where he been sitting with a group of friends and his own toy.

You were unaware of any change happening, until a pair of hands slid along your hips, and hot breath against your neck, a lash of the tongue over your ear, you wouldnt doubt it was anyone other then Curtis so you didnt fight it. You were his after all, and your buzzed state, you couldnt tell that this was a slightly smaller set of hands on your hips, and that the person gyrating behind you certainly wasnt as broad as Curtis. Your time in the tail end, you were used to never having personal space, you simply fell back into the person behind you, getting lost in the tempo and rush of the alcohol.

When he came back, he glanced through the crowd again as he set the drinks down, and Curtis couldnt fucking believe what the hell he was seeing. You pushing your sweet little ass of yours into Grey of all the fucking people. Quick, he snapped up to the dance floor, and your eyes sprang open to see him pushing people to crash into one another so he could get through, frightened you looked over your shoulder to see someone youve never seen in your life, and you stepped forward to meet Curtis. “Curtis! Im so-”

“Get on your fucking knees now and wait!” He roared at you and your scrambled to fall at his feet like he told you to, your eyes welling up at your mistake. Curtis stepped around where you knelt, your hands wringing together.

“Curtis, we were just having fun to.” Grey sighed with disappointment. “I had to see what the fuss was all about. I can see why Wilford got interested in her, she is cute for a cum slut.”

“What the fuck makes you think you could touch her?” Curtis crowded Grey, who didnt back up but he to crowded back, smirking in Curtis’s pissed off face.

“Wanted to see if they were as fucking easy as they come. I would have had her sucking cock in a few minutes with how she was grinding her ass into me like some horny bitch. Cant satisfy them Curtis? Why Wilford had to give you a tail ender? Not like they know any better.”

Curtis didnt even bother with that jab, it was clearly meant to push his buttons. Drawing up to his full height, Grey albeit smaller, was not at all intimidated by Curtis, and leaned in a bit closer, smirking “dont worry Curtis, when I get her, and I will cause the winner takes it all, I will teach her how to properly behave.” You were pushing to a stand to try and explain to the two men, when Curtis caught sight of you “Did I fucking tell you to stand, get back in your place.”

“But Curtis, it wasnt... “ You try once more, and he has to deal with you defying him, you gave him no choice. Ignoring Grey who watched this all with interest, he stalked forward and fists his hand in your hair, yanking you back to your knees. “What did I tell you?”

“On my knees” You twist and cry out, your hands going to your hair to try to get him to loosen his grip.

“Do I want any fucking sass coming from you?”

“n-no.” You cant help the tears that are rolling down your cheeks and the way your head bows to him.

Lowering closer to your level, his next words were so low it was hard to hear, but they held deadly promise should you not listen. “Start crawling to the door Y/N” Releasing his hold and shoving you to sprawl back.

You look at him like he cant be serious, crawl? His face though, was all serious anger storming his blue eyes and you back away from him, the crowd parting to allow you passage.

“Please Curtis...”

Nothing, no softening or taking pity on you, you do only thing that you can, and start to pull yourself away on your hands and knees, Curtis watched your heart shaped ass sway back and forth, and then turns back to Grey, whos watching with an amused look.

“Sure you dont want me to break in your little sweetheart? Ass like that good for alot of things, wouldnt be any trouble at all.”

Curtis growled lowly “Dont fucking lay a hand on her anymore, shes mine. I have no problem shoving your dick down your throat should you think shes yours to handle.”

Grey grinned at the challenge. “No, course not. Better not let her out of your sight again.” With that Grey turned back, and hoped back down into the seating area he had been occupying previously, yanking his own girl back in his lap, and slapping her thighs to spread, ready to share her with his current company. Curtis didnt waste any more time with them, and followed where she had crawled away, getting to the door, you were waiting this time, in a subdued position, on your knees, head bowed, palms up, trying not to look embarrassed or scared of it all. Made his cock twitch again, Fucking Christ, bad timing. “Get up” He yanked on your arm and hauled you to a stand. You stumbled, but did it all quietly, averting looking at him.

It was silent going back to the rooms, and you tried to keep up best you could to his long stride. The train walls kept dipping as if off kilter and you stumbled into Curtis a few times. Finally though you two reach his room again and he gets the door to open, pushing you to fly in first. You stumble and grab a hold of the wall, trying to get everything to stop spinning.

“Curtis, please I didnt know.”

He doesnt care, more pissed off then he was before at your attempt for an explanation, he drags you from your grip off the wall and over his knee. “You knew better Y/N, and yet you fucking undermined me.”

His knee is hard in your stomach, and you could feel him lifting your skirt to pool around your waist. You try to look over your shoulder but he shoves your head back to look at the wall and floor. Struggling, again a waste of your energy, hes holding you pinned over his knee with no more energy then he would give to a mild inconvenience in his day. Yanking down your panties to, he smacked your bottom hard, hard enough to jar you forward in his lap.

“Dont worry I plan on marking your ass so hard, your not going to be forgetting who you belonged to.” Curtis gives no time to adjust, its one hard spank on one of your cheeks after another, its a fire burning you now, and your crying into his leg, arching once in a while when its a particular had slap, those sharp stinging ones that you swear are going to break your skin. Curtis hand prints popped up in welts, and you sobbed for him to stop. “Pl-please Curtis, I wont do it again. I swear... I thought it was you. “ He growled and started to come to a stop. He reached to take a fistful of hair and jerk your head back so he could see you even at this angle.

“Who do you listen to?”

Sobs crack your voice. “You Curtis...”

“Thats right little one, next time be aware of who the fuck is behind you. Accident or not, if I catch it happening again, it will be worst.” He just as quickly put you in a stand, and stood up himself, gripping your chin so your tear stained face couldnt defy him and look away. “Next time it will be a leather strap and you will bleed for it. Get to bed now.” Dropping his hand and you are quick to move out of his way while he went to take a shower.

Your ass, burning hot and every step screamed red hot through you, you peel away the clothes that you had been so excited for and folded them into the dresser, getting into an over sized tee that Curtis had given you to wear. Crawling in close to the wall, you lay on your side, waiting for him to come back out. He finished and didnt bother with clothing, snapping off lights as he came, he stretched out on his side, and yanked you over to him, hiking a leg over his hip, there was a unprepared thrust into your core, and you yelp into his chest, pressing your face there till the pain dulled, your breathing coming and going in shallowly as you braced for him to start moving he never did though, his arm just caged you in close.

“You can sleep like this tonight, full of my cock so you dont forget who the fuck you belong to.”

You sniffle in the darkness, trying to adjust to the full sensation hes stuffed you with. Now, you were even more homesick for the tail end.

Tags- @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @ozarkthedog @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @nsfwsebbie @imanuglywombat

#mcudarklibrarykinkmonth #snowpiercer #curtis everett #curtis everett x y/n #chris evans #dark fic

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rosecoloredwriting · 3 years

Note

Hi there! I wanted to request some headcannons! Of our good bois bakugou, izuku and Todoroki ( or if it's only one character the Izuku definitely)

They're pro heroes and Reader is one too. She's making her debut. Or rather this is her defining moment. She's fighting so hard, only she can take down this villain and she does...and just getting our bois reaction of being so proud of her as they help her to medical?

Sorry if its too specific!

That’s My Boo!

A/N: Please excuse the fact I took so fuckin long to post this. I will be honest here and say i forgot I had this account. I havent been on tumblr at all for the past few weeks so I hope you enjoy this anon. Sorry for the wait.

Summary: When the main 3′s s/o kicks ass

Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x GN!Reader, Katsuki Bakugou x GN!Reader, Shoto Todoroki x GN!Reader

Izuku Midoriya

At your agency, you met Midoriya, someone with who you clicked well easily

Always being partnered up when the time arises it was fun working with him

Only problem is that he overshadowed you

You don't hold anything against the guy but everyone would only give him credit for both of the work you guys did together

You gained your place as a hero but no one seems to notice you

It's so bad that even izuku noticed and feels sorry for

The challenge arises when Izuku isn’t around to take down the villain

Stuck in the agency building filling out paperwork, you did patrol alone this time

Just your luck a villain makes a ruckus

On your hands you had to deal with one of the biggest fights you've had to do

As the sidekicks did their best to evacuate the area you fought the big boss

Trying your best to keep minimum damage and keeping the civilians safe news camera started to flood the area

With deku always stuck somewhere else it was a bit odd

But thrilling nonetheless

Everyone screams weather in fear, support, or excitement they were all watching

Nerve racking but also confidence boosting

In complete control of your quirk you fought the villain

With ever single bow the villain weakening and seeing how much more he will loose

The villain having enough aimed a fatal blow at you but you countered

The attack not only returning back to him but doubling with your force

In a second he was down as silence hit until an uproar of screams by the crowd

Pushed from the blow but not so fatally hurt your were blown across

Opening your eyes as you lay in the rubble you open your eyes to see curls of green

Izuku arriving at the scene and holy shit he had a waterfall in each eye

Did not let you go and did not let the nurses touch you

“You know Midorya that you don’t have to do this”

“No, I have too! I'm sorry for not being there to help you!”

“It’s not your fault that they gave you that pile of paperwork to do out of short notice.” Only fuming more like a mother as he tends to your wounds. Softly gripping your wounded hand wrapping it up in bandages.

“You were amazing out there!”

“I was nothing you probably could have beaten the villain way quicker than me.”

“Doing anything with you makes me wanna work harder.” The tips of your ears heat up slightly at his comment. Looking away embarrassed you hear Midorya make a small squeak. Embarrassed he turns red and wraps his arms around his head. “I mean who wouldn’t you're really hardworking are great at what you do!” Laughing nervously he tries to avoid your gaze. Reaching out for his hand you clasp yours over his.

“Then why don’t we go out and celebrate this victory with dinner?”

“Together? Like alone?” You hum in response as he turns an even brighter red. With a big breath, he finally looks at you in the eyes. A blush still evident on his cheeks “That sounds amazing.”

Katsuki Bakugo

He was on his day off as you went to the agency

Using his day to the fullest he spends the day mindlessly watching t.v

Shutting his brain off to chill himself from the strain of his job

Until he switches to the news channel

There you are bloodied and bruised attacking the shit out of the villain

Tensing up he's on the edge of his seat watching you defeat the villain

As everyone watching is in awe

Watching as you take down the villain that everyone was having so much trouble trying to stop

Quickly grabbing his phone and keys he speeds off to the scene

Watching the live feed on his phone

you were favorited among a niche group of people but rn everyone finally kept their eyes on you, a moment where everyone watches you

Speeding off katsuki gets in his car trying his best to reach the scene and watch your well being

When getting to the scene he sees the glorious moment of you standing over the defeated villain as everyone erupts into screams

Everyone chanting your name and being the one to shine amongst the other heroes

A feeling of admiration and love for you spilling out of his heart

The next few moments blur past you before you in the hospital

When I tell you this man broke so many traffic laws for you I mean it

Lucky you were not severely injured and could be taken home

He busted into your hospital with a nurse trying to stop him as you and the nurse tending to you jump

Luckily you were not severely injured and could be taken home

Let's just say Katsuki was pissed and did not let you do anything when you made it home

He was on your beck and call but like he’ll ever admit it

#midoriya izuku x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #Katsuki Bakugō #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #my hero fanfic #rcw's writting #ask #nonnie

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years

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tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that.

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

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neverheardnothing · 4 years

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rewatching joe iconis and family lincoln center performance at 4 am instead of packing or sleeping just to feel something and i have so FEW and so MANY thoughts and yall are gonna hear em all. no i will not put this under a cut. im going to be an absolute bastard about this.

i love the story joe tells about why he's singing mitb as the first song so much. like. the spite of it all. the defiance of it all. the pride of it all. the dig it or fuck off and disappear of it all. the joe iconis of it all.

“i know exactly the song im going to sing as my first song at the american songbook series.” i love that he highlights the fact that this is the american songbook series.

then immediately jumping right into broadway here i come with molly hager, the other song he is most known for!!!

every time i think about this performance i think about how this was the first (?) time this song was performed by them since the closing of bmc.

and then lance rubin comes up to sing try again. which is the only time that i know of that anyone but joe has sung this song.

i remember a remark made during watching it live that having someone else sing the song made it seem so clearly more about joe and his career. but also having lance sing it immediately makes me think of bbh closing early which yeah is part of joe’s career but also lance’s.

and also the line “if you’re an actor and another actor gets the part you auditioned for” reminds me of how lance found the auditioning process of acting and the whole [not acting part] of an acting career to be terrible which is why he quit to then become an author and the juxtaposition of him singing try again is Something. but also he DID try again he is just applying his efforts to a different creative field and it’s working out great for him. good for lance rubin.

lol i haven’t even talked about the actual performance aspect of this song anyways it’s very different from the two versions ive seen of joe doing it. he plays it a lot more comical. i love it.

sidenote not specific about this performance, but i love love LOVE the line and the music at “use the stairs, walk to the street. see the people, feel the heat, and apply yourself again.”

and also the line “when they cast you out to sea, there’s a lifeboat manned by me called try and try again” will never not make me think of bsol/last on land and bonus lance was also in that show! it just keeps circling around.

everything about these past 3 songs performed at this venue in this set list order in this moment at joe’s career is honestly so wonderful. like you had a songs about an anxiety attack, a suicide/loss of self in success, and repeated failures before this song all sung by individuals. two of these songs were written at points where joe felt frustrated/sad with his career. one written in the aftermath of specific frustration about the first closing of be more chill. one an actual song from bmc. like what a SETLIST for your first three songs! fucking michael in the bathroom, broadway here i come, and try again. truly something.

THE WHISKEY SONG!! i love hearing joe sing so much. while i think we can all agree he’s not the most skilled singer there’s something special about hearing a composer perform their own work. he adds like 3 levels of charm to make up for lack of singing skills lol. just a very charismatic guy.

lance rubin back on tamborine for the next bit of the song and he’s like laughing through it. not completely sure what he’s laughing about honestly but this Is a comedic song (after 3 real downers of songs) and also joe was playing it up.

jared weiss down on the floor with his guitar playing along. that’s its own bullet point.

audience cheering as more family members start coming on stage! i love that the band is getting cheers. love that!!!

the camera isn’t on him but from the audio, nick blaemire is presumably running around giving high fives to people in the audience.

i can’t exactly tell with the camera angle and the lighting but i think that more family members get up from different seats in the audience or at least enter in the back and walk through the audience to get to the stage during this instrumental break. reminds me of how joe loves theater that physically touches you. giving you high fives in this case.

love liz lark brown. she plays it pretty like. frenetic and frazzled. love it.

amara, badia, danielle, will, and nick are just chillin sitting on the steps of the stage. 100% contributes to the vibe of this song. top fuckin notch.

SOMEONE screams AH during the drunk part of the song and i cannot figure out who but it gives me so much life.

jared pulling lance down to the floor with him.

jason going “man.... this place is a dump” like i LOVE the irreverence.

everyone actually getting back up and also converging On the stage during the (kind of) acapella break.

and now your whole gang is up on the stage at the fancy ass appel room singing your what sounds like a mostly upbeat fun song but is actually about self medication with alcohol and it’s a fucking jam. i love the 3 solo songs and then bringing in everyone for a big group number.

sidenote not about this specific performance: the lyrics “i’ll pour some more and then—AND THEN?—i’ll pass out and then—AND THEN!” the and thens were not on the things to ruin album and i wonder why not ALL the time. was it just deemed extraneous? or was this an innovation after the album was recorded?

i love that you can see the band singing along.

yesterdays / i can’t relate. i love this song i fucking love it. i love the synthy keyboard that was an active choice made. which means that joe is not the one accompanying jared in this song.

jared: i hate today. joe: *snorts in the background*

“i like music you can hold” -> old records black suits, susannah’s obsession with music which was of course in vinyl format back then

will once said hearing lgw was very exciting because he’s first and foremost a fan of joe’s so he was hearing a new joe song for the first time and the world got just a bit larger and i think about that quote a lot in relation to this song because i was like Oh i Get What He Means now because this is the first new joe song i heard since like getting into his work and i felt that world getting a bit bigger.

jared’s monotone chorus on top of the girls underneath is so good. it’s so fucking good i cannot.

liz lark brown velociraptor fuckin classic. specifically in this performance the weird ass electric guitar noise at “there’s a dinosaur” is SO good. i love it.

i know people say Trans Vibes from next song (jeff) but this song also gives me trans vibes. i think joe inadvertently writes stuff trans people relate to because of his propensity to write for People Who Are Different.

people cheering as will takes off his jacket hell yeah.

i am way more used to the jeremy morse version of this song and really consider it more his so it’s so fun to hear will sing it.

i love the canon of the “oh”s so much.

after will sings “i go to the window looking out and what do i see? myself just staring back at me.” and someone in the audience AUDIBLY goes “oh.” like what a MOMENT. way more subtle than when someone screamed “WHAT” at the “naked korean girl” reveal during the pipe night performance but on the same tier of Great Audience Reactions.

smooth fuckin gliss bro i love it. arms out by side. i love it.

Classic Jason Sweettooth Williams Singing Helen. but this time they added like some REAL like. oh god i have no idea how to describe it. electric crunchy electric guitar noises. and it’s so good.

i havent mentioned this yet but in the background of every song people who are not in it or are backup vocals are just sitting and jamming along and it’s so nice because me fuckin too.

honest to god just have to give a timestamp for this but bullet point for whatever the fuck eric is doing in the background here.

will and katrina circling each other singing directly into each other’s faces. so good.

the Unexpected dynamic change and following crescendo i am Living.

katrina rose dideriksen riffing up top. yes. YES.

joe starting to play helen sharp and then forgetting part of his introduction to the song is so good.

the inevitable laughter at any performance of this song at “it is not lost on me you’re all here at my show”

i know nothing about the movie death becomes her so i honestly always just think about joe when this song gets performed. also thinking about how in the youtube premiere of this song, joe was talking about how lauren was shouting out the names of all the musical theater composers joe is jealous of.

right place/wrong time. i read a bsol review a while ago about how katrina rose dideriksen was underutilized and gotta say i Agree holy Shit let her sing More.

i also remember how joe once said this song felt the most personal to him and that he cried when writing it

police siren piano.

the first time in this entire song they sing in sync is at the line “i wonder if his/her life is just like mine” and i just start screaming.

when eric and katrina turn to each other for the first time and start singing At each other!!!!!!!!!!!

honey! thinking about jen ash tep talking about how Each performance of this song gets Wilder and Wilder.

love it when nick just gets off the stage and starts singing to people in the audience. apparently one of the people was will’s mom lol.

ACAPELLA BREAK!!!!!! joe just fully gets up from piano and starts WILDLY clapping along!!!!

woman of a certain age! i remember when the live show happened the album had not come out yet and then when the yt premiere of it happened it Had been out for a week or so.

piano note elevator bell

the electric guitar is doing some fucking weird ass things in this song and i am living so fucking much for it.

the riffs badia does are so fucking incredible i immediately paused this video to go and watch her sing big fat ruby again just because i wanted more badia content.

the story behind old flame is so good and joe waiting until the last fuckin moment to give her the song is so fuckin funny.

i love love love these types of joe songs that are like 7 minute long story epics like right place/wrong time and the actress and ammonia and old flame.

“the best way to get past the past is to shoot it in the head” and then the audience cheers and i fucking love it. my commentary is getting shorter. it’s 6 am and i’m tired can you tell. i also just had a lot of thoughts about this early on and less thoughts about later on.

revolution song. the deep ass fucking electric bass is So good i Will go apeshit. like honestly that might be my favorite smaller detail of this song. like i imagine if i were in the room it might be loud and deep enough that i could feel it In my chest. like you can Feel the revolution coming.

i love the faster tempo revolution song has in the cabaret version.

i also love the cabaret specific lines of “evolution in the institution”

joey is a punk rocker was honestly not ever on the list of songs i thought would get performed here but im so glad that they did. like the obvious choice would have been veins for annie golden but they went this route. obsessed with this choice. obsessed with the fact that amphibian replaced this song as the act 2 opener. obsessed that annie is the one singing this.

i am never not screaming about wave and yall know this. just throwback to me losing it in the tags in a reblog of picture of the wave passage going on about how it really does mirror joe’s career and bmc specifically. and again this song being performed for the first (?) time since bmc closed makes the “so today on a hill in las vegas” and onward part SO fucking sad i literally just started crying. the entire song being in past tense up until that part. i will just go die now.

will in the yt premiere talking about texting the line “our energy would simply prevail” in the leadup to bmc coming back.

find the bastard. for some reason when this happened live i thought it was gonna be outlaw that was performed.

i swear to god it is literally physically impossible for me not to AT LEAST mouth along to “what’s your name, what’s your name” during this song

NAMES ARE FOR ACCOUNTANTS.

MY NAME IS AWFUL LONG AS IT’S THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.

the goodbye song. it’s never not sad. i love love love that this song is the final song every concert. i also love the recent lore of finding out that penny dreadfuls was the encore song at concerts before they became too long and it had to get cut.

finally gonna mention the background car lights. what a beautiful backdrop.

also since im always on my wrol bullshit i love how fucking clearly you can hear him at the end

accelerando accelerando accelerando. insert [joe iconis peaked when he wrote the accelerando in the goodbye song post of mine].

katrina singing an octave up is always SO fucking impressive i am so impressed by her voice she is so fucking good i love her so much

the bows are so fucking sweet i love them.

goodnight it’s 7 am.

#teresa talks #also as my life gets Increasingly busier i decide to come back #social media truly a cesspit i can never escape #many no thots head empty full yes no <3 #im very tired #iaf #joe iconis

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theokotrain · 3 years

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Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

#story #novel #interlude #writing #novel writing #vestige #town #coming of age #lgbtq #gay #furry #wattpad

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