#ive never been successful and ive always been a failure

[reemieme]

SUCCESS STORY! (w photo proof)

story:

ive been in the LOASS community for around a month now, so ive been wanting a vinyl record player for like a few months and last week i was looking through amazon like “oh these are so expensive..” and then i was like im literally a master manifestor why dont i manifest it??? like i completely forgot ab the law 😭😭

anyway so that week i was just affirming to myself a few times a day like “oh yea i have a vinyl record player now!!”, i did SATS bc its fun, i talked to myself pretending i was talking to my friends bragging about my vinyl player, i searched online for new vinyl records to buy to play, and just STAYED IN THE STATE of having my record player. i didnt affirm 10k times, just everytime i thought of it to REMIND MYSELF i have it.

i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT waver. i did NOT get nervous about not seeing it in the 3d, bc i reminded myself i already have it so its fine. the law NEVER fails. so theres no room for failure. i lived in my imagination ion playing songs on my vinyl record player, (bc i LOVE visualization, if you love affirming then affirm for it instead!!) everytime i was like “i cant wait for my vinyl player” or “is it gonna be here?” or “hows it gonna come?” ECT i IMMEDIATELY flipped those thoughts with WHAT? i already have my record player wdym

tldr, i convinced my subconscious that i HAVE a vinyl record player, and since i lived in the 4d (imagination) where i have it, it reflected in the 3d bc thats the LAW. anyway, i wake up and theres a package at the door addressed to my name and i was so confused bc i dont order things. my parents had no idea where it was from and when i opened it, IT WAS A RECORD PLAYER RAHHH!!!

i literally SCREAMED yall i was like NO WAY. but i was also rlly confused so i looked at the address it came from and it was my aunt who lives a state away. (but we r REALLY CLOSE) so i called her and she was like “surprise!!! i know you love music so i decided to buy one for you because it was on sale.” and i was like OH ,Y GOD!! keep in mind she had NO CLUE i wanted a record player bc it never came up, and she NEEVR buys me gifts unless its my birthday or smthn which is in like 2 months. CIRCUMSTANCES DONT MATTER!

anyway here it is!!

i put a piece of paper w my @ next to it bc alot of bloggers r being called out for lying, and i dont want people to lose trust.

(the second pic is on my floor, first on my bed.)

if u guys have any questions feel free 2 ask!! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH TO @coquetteprincesss @nakedbibi333 @fleurlx @miracledarling @aphrodieties @blushydior @cinefairy @gorgeouslypink @heliosoll @hhtpsjup1ter @oonasempire @piercedblunt @remcycl333 @voidprincessblog YOU GUYS ALWAYS HELP ME SO MUCH!!! i love all ur blogs tysm for ur help w the law ❤️

#success story #loa blog #affirm and persist #law of assumption #neville goddard #states of consciousness #manifesting #loa success #states loa

[simp4konig]

König finding out that you are hard of hearing

Gender-neutral Reader

*Slow burn

Word count: ~4265

Always ignoring your Colonel, König takes it into his own hands to finally turn your attention on to him.

What he doesn't anticipate... is that you have actually been hard of hearing all along.

*‼️Mature themes**‼️ (mostly in the form of König's overly sexual[ised] fantasies and downright delusional thoughts of you). König is a MAJORRR pervert, and you're oblivious. 😋💅✨

I AM BACK!!!! 😳😳FROM THE *DEAD*!!!!! ☠️💀🧟‍♂️And ive fot a lil smth planned for you Ghost lovers ;)

*Many thanks to -—>@trepaika<;—-🤭💖✨💓💞🩷💕 for proofreading this !!😇😇 I had no energy whatsoever to read it afger typikg this out so i am so honoired that you took time out of your day/night to help mw out and it rlly means alot 🥹🥹💙💙🩵🫂💙🩵 you better do yoir fucking biologu work afterthis 😡😡

*Thabk you so much to @reyner-lee for this request!! 🥰💖💖💕 Initiallt, i was aiming for a "idiots in love" plot where König and reader are both oblivious😩😩😩 . .... made König veey mentally unstable and psosessive instead ☠️☠️💀, mb broski😇💁🏼‍♀️🧚✨🌟💫💕💞💞💕✨

no but seriouslh i didnt mean to mwke this so mature it was meant to be a FLUFFY(mayb a little bit angsty 😳) fic as ALWAYS😡😡 so im SO sorry for dekivering something COMPLETELY different to what u probs had in mindbc lets face it this is completely diffetent to whay i initially hwd in mind too LMAO😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

*Part of the KönigxKing series (drabbles with loose plot, no world-building just a collection of one-shots)

*Edited 14/10/2023 for typos

Tag List ♡ @simpforkonig ♡ @abysslovesyou ♡ @puff0o0 ☆ @rustic-guitar-notes ☆ @happy-mushrooms ♡ @reyner-lee ☆ @lotionlamp ♡ @trepaika

...

You couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when your hearing worsened.

As a soldier, heightened senses were something of a blessing, especially in high-pressure situations: a 20/20 vision, a gut feeling, or even just the ability to distinguish the most indistinguishable of sounds that others would miss was something of a life-saver.

Literally.

Hairs standing on end and goosebumps running down arms could alert a soldier — you — to an assassin sneaking behind them, hand with a knife glistening under reflected light in the dark, poised ready to slit their neck.

Instead, you could save yourself in the nick of time by executing them before they had the chance to do so.

Stealth on missions was a lifeline. To sneak in and out, to extract intel, evading all detection all the while, and to disappear when you hadn't even appeared on the enemy's radar in the first place made you breathe easier on the journey home.

The ability to hear footsteps in enclosed spaces and pinpoint the exact location of someone through a mis-step on a creaky floorboard or a squeaky door hinge was vital. Crucial. An important distinction between life or death, between success and failure.

Obviously, you were no super-soldier. In fact, your eyesight was below average — having to wear contact lenses specifically designed to be as discreet as possible so you weren't a walking lighthouse sending a signal to your postion always — and you could never separate the feelings of foreboding from the foreshadowing of what was to come, the fine line between imagination and intuition blurred.

However, hearing shuffling that others wouldn't, muffled footsteps upstairs that others couldn't, hushed voices around the corner that others would miss, gave you and your team the upper hand.

You weren't the best, but you proved damn useful, more useful than someone that could see in the dark or a person that had some omniscient sixth-sense.

At least your hearing used to be put to good use. Could have been put to good use.

Up to the point when a grenade blew off right beside you on a mission.

No time to realise, no time to react, and no time to recover from the shock, let alone alone to dive for cover, a blast flung you to the side, arms and legs flailing mid-air like a lifeless ragdoll. Time seemed to slow down, and for what felt like an eternity — mere seconds in reality — you were suspended in the air.

Body suddenly thudding on solid ground with a deep thump, you hit your head so hard against the pavement that you had thought you cracked your skull. Debris toppled over your stomach, dust making your eyes tear up and cough painfully, collapsed brick all around you.

You groaned in agony as an ear-splitting ringing inside your head nearly broke your forehead in two.

You couldn't raise your limbs, body limp and weighed down by what felt like a tonne, but could feel the thick waterfall of blood through the open wound on the side of your head; staining your uniform, streaming into your mouth, the metallic taste and smell on your tongue and in your nostrils.

Confusion, disorientation. Bewilderment.

Seeing double, figures running to and fro looked like a dozen, and panic stiffened you.

Desperate blinking eyes squinting to try and make sense of the scene before you, head spinning and unable to think clearly, struggling to lift the limbs that each weighed a tonne, all you did — all you could do — was lay there. Limp.

No one was nearby to help you, and your anxiety intensified: it was just you, and broken debris to keep you company, all noise muted aside from the high-pitched screeching.

Not much is clear from that incident after that. Memories are hazy and unclear.

All you remember are hands tapping your face, tugging your arm and willing your eyes to focus. Then, those same hands suddenly lugging you up by the scruff of your collar and slinging you over their shoulder. Finding yourself being lifted off by a helicopter, and ultimately passing out in the end.

Medics told you your ear drums were inverted, turned inside out from the force, and ear canal blocked by dust. Thankfully, all you required for the head injury were a few stitches, and you wouldn't suffer any brain damage.

Still, the news of becoming hearingly impaired made your world come crashing down.

Yes, you'd still be able to process sounds, they assured, but not as well as you used to.

An official diagnosis was made, and condolences were given to you, for there was nothing that could be done to fix your hearing. You were practically inoperable as the risk was too high, and you could go permanently deaf if the procedure was to go wrong.

You didn't reveal you having a hearing impairment to anyone — why should you, anyways? Things like this happened, and there were people in your faction that have had it worse.

Besides, it wasn't like you would be permanently deaf or anything, you reasoned, so the only thing to do was keep working.

Like you used to. All things considered you were a good shot, with good aim, with good spatial awareness and reaction times.

You could keep working, keep serving your country.

Yet you didn't work like you used to.

How intensely you stared at people, their face, eyes darting from theirs and their lips, was passed off as you being attentive.

No one would have considered that you were desperately trying to keep up with everyone else, and feeling like you were left behind. To fend for yourself as the world moved in triple speed, while you were still processing your new circumstances.

Of course, no one noticed the change.

And König, for one, sure didn't.

Completely enamored by you, he thought it foolish, really, to be so taken by a soldier, one below him in ranks and younger than him.

Yet, he admired you, was your secret admirer, and let his feelings blind him to what could have been so easy to see.

Well, to onlookers, his admiration for you was far from secret. In fact, it was obvious. Very obvious.

Initially, people joked that you were going to be reprimanded by the Colonel, taught a valuable lesson for some mishap you had committed, when you'd be pulled aside. Not a single one could have forseen König's behaviour towards you.

Stares, only strategically turning his head when you looked in his vague direction. An aura of threat, had it not been for the way his eyes sparkled. Held a particular glint that no one could pinpoint his intentions, and his needing to excuse himself to go to the restroom and not return for half an hour.

Walking behind you, guarding you at all times. Making sure he figuratively — and literally — had your back. A hand that would roam, explore, and push its limits, figuring out how low he would have to go before you broke, before you'd beg for more.

Demonstrating combat moves to you under the pretence that it would help fix your reaction times, all an excuse to be near you, to touch your mid-section and rest his hands on your body for seconds longer than necessary.

Touches that he would commit to memory, that would help him reach his climax behind closed doors at the thought of feeling your bare skin, and the feeling of your clothed body having to suffice.

No, none of it showed intent to humiliate you like they thought he would; rather, it was evident that their Colonel had taken a liking to you. Favoured you among the rest.

Obviously, no one saw the perverted nature behind your interactions, the side that König revelled in.

You always seemed to appreciate the gestures, albeit hesistantly, and would blush up to your ears and would flash him an uncertain yet award-winning smile, one that made blood rush up to his face and lower half as he wondered what other sorts of facial expressions you could be making, and whether that smile would stay if you saw his most intimate self.

However, you rarely paid him any attention afterwards. Would go on about your day, as if he wasn't even there.

Ignored him, as if he wasn't worth your time, or even your acknowledgment.

He'd attempt small-talk with you when you were on your own, trying all he could to find common ground, to keep you interested —or, butt in the conversation when someone else diverted your attention from what should have been on him — but, throughout it all, your facial expression was blank. Like you didn't even recognize him.

Eyebrows furrowed, wondering why your colleague stopped talking, you'd only come to realise that König existed when they'd nudge your side with their elbow, whispered frantically in your ear, and when you turned back around you'd jump up with seemingly exaggerated fright, blushing.

Stuttering and sputtering apologies to your superior with a bowed head, eyes avoiding his, König thought that there was a triumphant smirk that you were hiding, a strut as you walked, back turned as you flaunted your way out of the room in a mischievous manner.

Teasing, testing the waters to see how long you could go on without admitting that he was there next to you, to see how long König would last before he broke.

Oh, the things that you were doing to him.

Fury brewed in König, and he'd stew over your (his) one-sided interactions, your blatant ignorance of him, your complete disregard of him. Regarding him as not worth your time, and seemingly ignoring him with an air of superiority.

So imprudent, so rude, and such a daring little thing. So fucking naughty.

Contradicting urges of wanting to yank you by the collar into a passionate kiss in front of anyone and everyone and marking you as his in his private quarters became near impossible to contain. To put you in your place, and prove that you weren't all that that you made yourself out to be.

After all, brats like you had to be tamed, and König would not stand you demeaning his ego like that.

Reprimands from unsuspecting soldiers got harsher. Spitting at others in a rasping voice, barking commands loudly from the background. Drills became a living nightmare — everyone a target for König's relentless bullying. Sparring became relentless, and damn-near a deadly duel as he was unrelenting, remorseless.

König needed to release his pent-up frustration somehow.

König hated that his love was unreciprocated, and would be in a bad temper, stomping around the grounds looking for an inferior to abuse.

He loathed how you made him feel, yet loved what you made him feel, his feelings intensifying when you were in eyesight, and the knuckles of his fists turning white, shaking with rage as you frolicked off with some dummkopf, some piece of shit saukerl that didn't pay attention to you like he did, not considering the higher-ranking alternative.

Figuratively speaking: as, let's face it, König was the full package; and literally speaking, as he had a full package of his own to satisfy your every need, and would convert you to his lover in an instant.

You were an enigma. König couldn't read you at all, and was in internal turmoil.

Why couldn't he win you over? Were you really that high-maintenance, or playing hard to get?

You had to like him back. There was no way you weren't doing this on purpose.

Were you really that unbothered? Unbothered by his advances, not caring at all?

Or, were you really just proud, too full of yourself to pay respect to your superiors?

Really, König should have taught you a personal lesson if that had been the case, one so personal you'd learn to never disrespect him ever again, and be as respectful as a little darling as ever.

...Yet you? You couldn't have been more oblivious.

Sensing a presence in the background as you scrolled mindlessly on your phone, you only became vaguely aware of something off about König when you realised the intensity of a stranger's stare, bearing down on your neck.

Glare. König's glaring at you from afar, camouflaged in the corner by the shadow of the dimly-lit room, the few flickering light bulbs all the more unnerving.

Only in close proximity did you become aware of your Colonel, imposing even while sitting down, tall even with his being hunched over.

Accidentally meeting the eyes behind the veil draped over his face, he unapologetically took up as much space in the room as he could, back straightened to his full height and long legs wide spread apart in an act of dominance.

Those eyes pierced yours, and made you shiver, all intentions of small-talk drying in your throat and, in fear of becoming tongue-tied and losing your cool, you said nothing.

Why was he just... staring at you like that? Did you do something wrong?

It made you shudder, and you shivered, trying to shake off the ominous feeling.

Never in a million years would you have thought that König had any sexual romantic interest in you — if anything, with that grim expression you'd have thought he'd had a bone to pick with you.

He looked absolutely terrifying. A beast of a man, with penetrating eyes.

Unbeknownst to you, König was undressing you with those same eyes. Penetrating, yes, but imagining scenarios where he himself would he penetrating you.

He made himself so inviting, with the spot on his lap reserved as a seat especially for you, reclining on a chair with a head in his palm as he gazed at you in interest.

He even considered making a gesture with his hand, a beckoning finger signalling for you to "Come here", just to make it loud and clear that he was welcoming you, and wanted you exactly where he had positioned himself.

Until some soldier entered the room, saw you and hit you up, starting casual banter and exchanging sarcastic remarks, which made you laugh. The tension melting in your body, you allowed yourself to relax, and forgot about what was looming in the very same room.

To König, the man was flirting with you, and with the way you had a hand clasped over your mouth, practically swooning over the guy, it was solidified.

Grinding his teeth in frustration, he jolted upright, and the chair he was sat on was nearly flung backwards from his sudden action, a deafening screech echoing in the room.

Two pairs of eyes on him, he beckoned the man over to him:

"Come here. I have a duty for you, sergeant."

Only this time, he wasn't at all inviting, and even the man beside you knew he was in for it big time with how König's fury was seething.

"Toilettendienst, weil du ein Stück Scheiße bist."

Cackling, and a sly, venomous smile under his veil. "I'm sure you'll love it, seeing as you can't mind your own business."

Your encounters with König were terrifying, but you tried with all your might to keep them out of your mind. After all, you were still struggling to get by, so to be so on edge would only make matters for you worse.

Having people repeat what they said to you over and over again was passed off as bad signal or static over walkie-talkies, yet without being able to read their lips you were practically deaf and couldn't interpret the gargling, speech drowned by the feeling of your head being underwater.

However, you managed. Managed to keep afloat, somehow. Clung on to your life raft, despite the crashing waves of the tide that flung you from side to side.

And, lulled into a false sense of security, you were contracted for another mission.

Just like before, and on all the other missions before all the ones before your injury, all seemed to be going smoothly.

No sudden movements, no noises out of the ordinary. Nothing amiss.

Except, suffocating silence had shifted and pushed its weight down against you, swirling and following your movements as it had slowly tied a noose around you and your crew's necks, making it difficult to breathe.

But you shrugged it off. You rationalised your nerves as post-morbid jitters. No way was it a gut feeling.

It was unusual how well things were going, and was second-guessing yourself after not having had been deployed in ages.

Your guessing proved to be true, and it was a shame that you realised this too late.

Ambushed out of nowhere, bullets and blood were all that you saw; blasts and bangs were all that you heard.

No one escaped unscathed. Every single one of the operators had sustained some sort of injury, yours minor scratches compared to gaping bullet wounds, stabs in the abdomen, and broken bones.

Intense guilt plagued you for hours, days afterwards, and you were unable to look those colleagues in the eyes for days, weeks afterwards.

How could you let that happen?

Clawing up the ranks until you were finally trusted, finally deemed worthy, it shook you to your very core that you failed to forsee any of this. Failed your colleagues. Failed.

No one blamed you, because they didn't connect the dots that you were the common denominator behind both incidents, the one that catastrophically failed your allies.

König, seeing you in your most vulnerable state, pounced at the opportunity to finally confront you once and for all. To settle the doubts in his mind and come to a solid conclusion.

He wasted no time in hunting you down as you were walking, alone, a predatory look in his eyes.

At last, cornering you in a remote area where no one would interrupt, nor allow you weasle your little way out of it again:

"King."

You dropped your head, avoiding his gaze. Readying yourself for the severe scolding, being berated by König, you dropped your head, cowering below him.

"Before you say anything—" mumbling under your breath, "—I will admit this myself first."

"I... I messed up. Messed up completely on this mission. I'm— I'm so sorry for endangering your men, for nearly getting the entire crew killed. It was my fault."

König's eyes widened a little. This was the most you had ever said to him in one conversation. And you sounded so... sincere.

...Could he have had the wrong perception of you all along? Were you just... Timid? Shy? Maybe a little bit introverted even, and not one for socialising?

No, that couldn't have been right.

He needed to interrogate you, press you for information, put you under pressure. You'd break then, and he'd finally figure out the truth for himself.

"Ja," he spat shortly, voice unwavering and eyes betraying no emotions. "You did mess up. My men are all injured."

You were mortified when all you could interpret was harsh gibberish. None of the words made sense to you, and you couldn't differentiate any consonants from the syllables.

You breathed in deeply, feeling so foolish for thinking of asking this, and prepared yourself for the worst:

"Sorry, sir? Can you repeat that?"

König was the one to be bewildered this time. For a few agonisingly long moments, he needed to process what you had just said. Your request.

Finally, it sank in.

Oh, you were in for it now.

What did you mean "Sorry, sir?"?

You ignored him, have been ignoring him for all this time, and you had the gall to give him attitude?

Worst of all, to fail to pay attention when he is was scolding you?

No. König wasn't having it.

Both hands slammed against the wall above you, with such a force that even you could hear a deep crack of splintering brick.

With you trapped, he wasn't about to let you go until you learned your place.

"You're not going to say anything anything more, maus?" He leans in closer, steel-blue eyes betraying no emotion baring into yours. "Pip-squeak has lost its voice, has it? You really should learn manners."

Understanding "...going to say anything more, maus?... Pip-squeak... should learn manners" it was enough for you to understand what he was implying, and you were confused. In disbelief. Bewildered.

"S-sir, I—! "

Eyes wide, you shook your head vehemently, hands held up in protest. "—It's not like that at all! I swear!"

König quirked a brow, leaning in closer. Licked his lips inquisitively, curious to hear your defence.

"I've not... been ignoring you, sir. Never. I wouldn't ever do that..."

You trailed off, averting your gaze. "...Or, at least, consciously..."

You bit your lip. Shifting uncomfortably, your fingers fidgeted, fingernails digging into the palm of your hand. How were you going to explain this?

"Y-you see, I'm—"

Bracing yourself, you breathed in deeply.

"—I-I'm— I'm actually hard of hearing."

König blinked twice. It was his turn to be confused, and he pulled away a few inches, concentrating hard.

Seeing the blank look in his eyes, you immediately clarified:

"N-not deaf, obviously! — I suppose I can still hear, in a way — but my hearing is not good. I struggle to understand people."

A defeated sigh. "Communication is tough enough because I'm not good at reading lips yet, and..."

"...with you, it is — would — have been impossible, because of the—"

A weak gesture towards his face covering "—mask..."

An awkward pause.

"L-look sir, I'm sorry for ignoring you. Honestly, I never meant to. It's just I—"

"Never heard," König said, nodding faintly. "I understand."

He understood, alright. Understood what a moron he had been all this time.

God, what a fool he was.

All this time, concocting scenarios of finding a way to prove himself to you, of asserting his authority, of sexually frustrated evenings considering all the possibilities, all personality traits... was all one-sided pining.

Poor thing, you were just oblivious.

He couldn't blame you, and was kicking himself for viewing you as anything other than a pure soul.

If he had known this, known of your condition earlier, perhaps he wouldn't have been so frustrated, so confrontational.

Now, he had ruined all his chances with you by intimidating you out of nowhere.

God, he was such an idiot.

Embarrassed, and not knowing what to say, he sheepishly slid his hands off the wall.

Coughing twice, he cleared his voice, and projected his voice so it was clearer and louder:

"King."

You looked up, face showing shame and genuine guilt.

"Gut. Keep looking at me."

To your surprise, König's hand was reaching up to his veil, fingers hooking under the the hem.

In a prolongued but fluid movement, the fabric was pulled up, and, slowly, slowly, he revealed his face.

His white chin and stubbled jawline came into view first. Only slightly defined, not modelled after some Greek God, yet not lacking definition, either.

Then, thin lips, pale pink and pressed into a tight line.

A hooked nose, crooked likely from it being broken more than once before, neither long nor large nor flat. Perhaps slightly off-center.

Keeping the fabric in place, he would not raise it higher.

After a few seconds of silence, you saw how his Adam's apple moved when he gulped, his lips quivering as he breathed in deeply.

Even seeing the half of his face, he looked handsome to you.

"Well... is this better?"

Mouth moving to reveal white teeth, some misshappen and others crowded, it looked as if he had never worn braces before.

He swallowed thickly, then his hot breath fanned your face, mouth partly-open as he panted in increasing agitation.

Blue-gray eyes looked into yours, no longer domineering. Instead, pleading.

Wanting your affirmation, to be reassured that you would appreciate him partly presenting his identity to you, the most vulnerable part of him.

To be told that you truly did appreciate this gesture after all.

A smile tugged at your lips. "Yes. Much better, sir."

You were touched.

To think, that your commander, your Colonel, the big, beefy, burly man, the masked soldier of towering stature, would go out of his way to be sensitive. To be at the mercy of you.

It made you tear up a little. No one had ever gone out of their way to accommodate you like this, and it left you at a loss for words.

"Sir, I—"

"Nein. Call me König."

Cleared throat. "König, sir—"

A devillish smirk formed on his face, and he shook his head.

"Gott, such a sweet little thing," he cooed, purposefully slowing down his speech so you could interpret it on your own. "Will need to have you getting used to you saying my name, ja?"

Those steel blue eyes had melted. Were warm. Held a fondness in them that he hadn't had before — or, maybe they had, but you had never noticed it until now — either way, you felt at ease with him. With König.

One of your biggest mistakes.

"Thank you, König. Really. For being so patient."

Rubbing the back of your neck sheepishly, you shot him a bashful, lopsided grin.

"I'm sorry that you had to be patient in the first place! I wish I could make it up to you, König. I really do."

König's mind flashed with blasphemous images of you.

Images that he had visualised in vivid detail, when he had been longing for you, longing to have you around him.

He was almost regretting what he had on his mind, yet, he reasoned, it was only fair you gave him a reward.

For his patience.

The smirk on his face became broader. Serpentine.

"Don't you worry, meine liebe. I know of a way."

A cackle, sounding forced and a little too loud to be genuine.

"I'll make sure that you'll be loud enough so that even you can hear it for yourself."

...

Note: i promised yesterdag id get thus oit today ... 🥹Bit late cuz at the time im typimg this ntoe its 22:33 (gonna be later once i proofread this for the final time😫😫) Edit: its 23:25 and i have a test tmr hahaHHhahahahAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA 😍😍😍😍

Hope yoi guys like perverted König 🗿 i for one do 😇😇 (fyi, it was NOT MT INTENTION to write him in this wau I PROMISW😭😭😭😭😭it just sorta happened and i rolled witj it ☠️💀)

#aking10592_ ≛彡 #könig #konig #könig cod #konig cod #könig call of duty #konig call of duty #könig mw2 #konig mw2 #könig mwii #konig mwii #könig modern warfare #konig modern warfare #könig fanfiction #konig fanfiction #könig x you #konig x you #könig x reader #konig x reader #könig x fem reader #konig x female reader #könig x male reader #konig x male reader #könig x gn reader #könig x gender neutral reader #konig x gn!reader

[blueopinions49]

Healthy/ Unhealthy Type 3

Healthy Social 3

Johnny Cage MK1 (3w4 so/sx)- While obnoxious at first Johnny is a great example of a 3 who's integrated to his 9 perfectly. He doesn't shy away from others and stops indulging in his sense of vanity. Usually tryin to keep the group together

Cordelia Chase (3w2 so/sp)- Outgrew her mean girl status and became a force to be wrecked with. Her development in angel is probably my favorite thing about her. Great example of a E3 moving to E6.

Elektra Abundance (3w4 so/sp)-Yes she's mean, BUT she has always retain a strong voice in helping others out in the later seasons. Her sense of competition has always been about self improvement and becoming a better version of herself.

Unhealthy Social 3

Pearl (3w2 so/sx)- Desire to be accepted and love by the masses paired with her circumstances makes her ideal self a frustration for her eventually lashing out at everyone that reminds her of her failure. In X we see a fully disintegrated 9 Pearl.

Sally Reed (3w4 so/sp)- Oddly similar to Pearl in the sense to have a desire to enter a career in acting HOWEVER Sally sadly gets met with the reality of Hollywood; eventually seeking emotional refuge in Barry. However in the end of the show we see a fully realized Sally.

Draco Malfoy (3w2 so/sp)- Brought up in a life of privilege and bigoted opinions made him on of the most obnoxious charcaters In the series. While we see some remorse In the later books in the majority of the series we see a Draco who would use cruelty in look for validation from his superiors.

Healthy Self Preservation 3

Gary Prince (3w4 sp/so)- I was a bit confused with this typing at first however ive settled for this . Gary's desire to be at a master at his own craft and have his own personal bakery? come into question when he is met with the reality of business. Eventually choosing to stick to his own values.

Nancy Wheeler (3w2 sp/so)- Idk why I ever typed her as an SP1. very clear example of an SP3 who grows in each season wanting to use her profession as a reporter to do good. Rewatching the show I can see how she might look like a SP1 however her core desire was never perfection.

Dick Grayson (3w2 sp/sx)- Ive finally settled...His core desire to separate from being on Batman's shadow gives us one of the most honest arcs about the E3s shame+image conflict. Eventually settling for a new identity as Nightwing. Idk why people type him as an SO2, SO7 or SO6.

Unhealthy Self preservation 3

Molly Carter (3w2 sp/sx)- Love her but sometimes her own personal desires seemed mixed with her view of others specially with Issa. Sometimes being unnecessarily cruel to her because she doesn't have her life together as if she herself has hers together.

Miranda Priestly (3w4 sp/so)-The believe that no one can do her job better than her makes her a menace to whoever crosses her. Yes, Andy wasn't the best at her job however Miranda wasn't a good person either and allot of people seem to ignore that. Even cutting her friends off when it comes between her and her profession.

Mima Kirigoe (3w2 sp/so)- Her struggle to fit into what is expected of her as an idol makes her struggle with her personal image and who she is at her core. In the end of the movie we see a Mima who proclaims she is the real Mima. Asserting her own identity without the outside perspective.

Healthy Sexual 3

Emma Frost (3w4 sx/so)-She does all for her student and finds success through knowing she did something to help them in life. She sometimes dances between villain and hero however when written by someone who understands her character we can see why she is the way she is. Cold but caring.

Hercules (3w2 sx/so)- His desire to find success in relation to others makes him struggle a bit at first however we see him grow out of it as the movie goes on.

Sansa Stark (3w2 sx/so)-When young her desire to find the perfect prince and move away from her culture. I hate what they did to her the series and how she got to her end BUT I do think seeing Sansa as queen and embracing her culture made sense for the most part.

Unhealthy Sexual 3

Lady Dimitrescu (3w2 sx/so)- Her desire to be Mother Miranda's selected favorite makes her own personal goals be ignored. Her view of success is through mother miranda's eyes and no one else's.

Dennis Reynolds (3w2 sx/so)- Identifying through what others deem successful and attractive makes him have an identity crisis every episode.

Azula (3w4 sx/so)- Her desire to fulfill all of her father's wishes and see all of his ambitions met drives her to her own self destruction. Even in the comics we see an Azula who is trying to push Zuko into Becoming a worst version of her father.

Honorable Mentions-

Kung Lao 3w2 so/sx (you aren't anyones #1 but still)

Shiv Roy 3w4 sp/so (Girlfauilres pray to her everyday)

Lestat Di Lioncourt 3w4 sx/so (You are hot but toxic)

#mbti #zodiac #personality types #zodic signs #16 personalities #ennegram #mbti personality types #enneagram #typology #personality typology #enneagram 3 #type 3 #3w2 #3w4 #johnny cage #cordelia chase #elektra abundance #pearl 2022 #draco malfoy #gary prince #nancy wheeler #nightwing #dick grayson #sansa stark #princess azula #alcina dimitrescu #resident evil alcina #miranda priestly #sally reed

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

Hey if it's okay can I have a conversation with you about a post of yours Ive recently commented on? I'm pretty ignorant on how to talk to someone on here but the post regarded demonising people for referring to abusive people with things such as "sociopath, narcissistic, crazy " and the like and I wanted clarity on the meaning behind the post, just for someone who has gone through very specific things and whether you think I'm abelist for saying those things I've been through, I'm always willing to be told I'm in the wrong and I mean no insult.

As a victim of emotional and verbal abuse.

I feel like people who use language like "crazy, narcissist, psychotic, etc" have never taken the time to sit down and actually mentally process what they've gone through.

And responding to these posts have resulted in an unreal amount of trauma dumping on my part, but I want people to know that I'm not just some random person telling victims of abuse what language they can use. I'm a victim of abuse that's informing other victims of abuse that using abelist language to describe their abuse is harming other victims of abuse (Cluster B personality disorders are usually the result of abuse and trauma)

You can like legit just describe what you went through. The amount of detail you go into depends on the level of trauma dumping you want to go through.

Example. In my previous post I said "He had no emotional regulation and took my successes and failures as a reflection on him." Minimum trauma dumping.

But if I want to trauma dump. I can talk about how I was yelled at until I learned to disassociate as a coping mechanism. How he threw shit when I wasn't doing good enough. How I never felt motivated to do good enough because every time I reached his standard, he'd move the goalpost. And now that I've mentally processed it all. He either gaslights me like "that never happened" or whines like "why you keep bringing up the past". Yeah, it's the past for him, but I've got an entire trauma disorder surrounding it.

He's not narcissistic, crazy, or psychotic. He genuinely thinks he's doing his best. He just doesn't know how to admit he's wrong or regulate his emotions.

And I really do suggest you take a minute to process what really happened to you. Because using mental illness to explain what your abuser put you through only frames all people with that mental illness as abusers, and mentally ill people aren't inherently abusive.

-fae

#abuse #emotional abuse #verbal abuse

[helioselene]

HELIOSELENE -> A WRITEBLR REINTRODUCTION;

your hunger bleeds into my skin seeping into my veins as if it's my life force;

psd credit; @cavalierfou

about me;

hi! im molly, 22, she/her. ive been on writeblr for a few years now but i figured its about time i throw myself back into the tumblr writing world !

when im not writing im a student specialising in human rights and global politics

if you ever want to yell about enemies to lovers (the best trope) im always here !!!

my favourite book is the song of achilles; however, im also quite partial to pride and prejudice, the picture of dorian gray and also the seven husbands of evelyn hugo :)

uhh im also a basketballer if that's cool hehe

main wips;

graces to the grave;

wip page (x) | wip tag (x) | pinterest board (x)

 Juliette allowed herself to breathe, to pretend that, even for just a moment, she wasn’t consumed by a legacy born in bloodshed. Victorian London is on the precipice of destruction. As civil war breaks out between the city’s most formidable gangs, Juliette Edevane finds herself with a daring mission: kill the leaders of the Bonellis and secure her position as heir to London’s underworld. But orchestrating the deaths of Ruth and Cassius Granville is not as simple as it may seem. 

Juliette is swept into a world of murder, magic, and marriage - where a wedding between her and a long-time rival may signify the line between success and failure in her mission. Armed with such an alliance, she must navigate the dangerous waters of a London built on the blood of gang rivalries, where betrayal and death hides around every corner. And yet, with her own heart on the line, she must confront where her true allegiances lie: with her gang, with her husband, or with those she once thought to be her greatest enemies.

the further we fall;

wip page (x) | pinterest board (x)

It was at that moment I realised just how much of a tragedy love could be. To have loved without hope or comfort, to be separated by a metaphorical chasm of social class and indignity. Love had only ever caused my slave-born mother to feel great heartache, to reach and yearn for something she would always, and forever, be but a fingertips breadth from.

Icarus is a boy made of fire and brimstone, destined to never live up to his father's legacy. Growing up in the Cretan palace was everything a commoner like him could ever dream of; but night after night he falls asleep listening to the sounds of poor Asterion in the Labyrinth, another son born from cruelty, who screams and hollers for the love of his parents.

When the opportunity to help Ariadne and Theseus to break into the Labyrinth arises, Icarus throws himself headfirst into the task. He vows to be something more, something better, and yet his own traitorous actions threaten to come to light.

All little Icarus wanted was his father's approval. But how can a gods-cursed boy like him ever be someone worthy of love?

backburners;

mermaid wip [high fantasy little mermaid x sleeping beauty]

elemental wip [high fantasy political intrigue]

redacted wip [co-written secret work in progress]

other links;

wip page (x)

mutuals page (x)

about me page (x)

asks (x)

find me;

writing twitter (x)

ao3 (x)

welcome to writeblr [as a mod] (x)

the writeblr garden [as a mod] (x)

ask for my discord

tagging;

@seasteading @sourrcandy @veneritia @mortallynuttyqueen @scaevolawrites @wordsbynathan @songbirdii @lasbrumas @moariin @serpentarii

any boosting (especially reblogs) is helpful! thank you so much :)

#IM BACK BABY #wtwcommunity #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writeblr introduction #introduction #writing #spilled ink #writers #writers and poets

[ninegoattails]

self criticism

i've always measured my self worth by how successful i am or how good i am i cant just exist like everybody else i have to be the best its my means of living but that makes it hard for me to truly enjoy anything. everything to me is another means of becoming successful i cant allow myself to leisure unproductively it has to serve purpose. but me always searching for purpose defeats the point in living at all if im always working and i view everything as work what is relaxing? i feel as though ive never relaxed in my entire life. for me relaxing is reading a book or watching a show but when i do that its like how can i use this to push me forward in my made up hierarchy. i always shamed people who view everything as a competition but i realize now im being a hypocrite. i cant love myself unless im working and i feel worthless if im not working and that work has to be perfect. the most common advice i received is to pick up a hobby that i cannot weigh in numbers but even then i manage to turn that into a competition with me and the history of the world. "If I cannot be the best what is the point in *doing* at all?" is a question i have repeatedly asked myself, and to that i answer "There's no other choice but to be the best." whether its the best in my house, the best of my school, the best of my country my desire to be the best is my driving force of nature. but this isn't really healthy but im working on it something to do with shame and being a failure something like that. the thing with me is i know what i need to do in order to succeed, and i do it and ive been doing it but the rewards for my work and effort have yet to sow. but maybe im not doing it good enough. this next project should get my masterplan to success started then everything else will be nothing short of masterpieces. i feel like this methodical way of thinking is a product of capitalism and is prided in capitalism but as many as many have said before me, "it's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism." my solution to this problem will be to cheat the system or work on top of it. attempt to rid myself of the constraints of failing, let myself fail again and again until i inevitably succeed. and when i do itll be like fireworks.

#♱rejected♱

[remcycl333]

Hey Rem, I just wanted to thank you so much for introducing states to me. I was an a&p from you know who 💀 and never could manifest anything no matter how hard I kept persisting and affirming. I felt like such a failure like damn, maybe the law doesn’t work for me and all that changed until I found your post about states. Like everything literally clicked and the way you explain things so easily and perfectly *chefs kiss*. I’ve recently been applying states and testing the law so I can build my confidence due to my trauma from that girl (you know who LMAO) and I’ve manifested something within 15 minutes. I was so shocked and surprised like girl states was really THIS easy 😭 all I did was imagine and moved on and then BOOM! You and @fleurlx are such an inspiration like omg. The most, sweetest, and kindest bloggers who genuinely understand and have empathy towards others. All y’all did was encourage me and motivate me to get the dream life I so deserve! You waking up in your dream apartment? W 😍 I love how limitless you are and I’m doing the same thing with waking up with my dream life, thank you so much babe 🫶🏻 I wish we could be friends 🥺 love you so much and have the best day ever my darling, you deserve ALL the good things life has to offer, I mean it. I’m wishing you an abundance of success stories in your inbox! You matter, your a loved, and highly valued 💕 you are amazing in every aspect. I have never seen you be rude, mean, or aggressive to anyone wanting to know about the loa. You keep up what your doing, you are literally changing lives 🥹

aww this was the sweetest thing ive ever read 🥺 im so happy i've had such a positive effect on you!! i was so nervous to change to states content bc i was an a+p girly for YEARS and thats what i used to always post on my page but im so glad everyone has been so receptive of it and benefited from it!! 🤍 i hope u have an amazing day/night and im so excited for you to manifest all your desires and live the dream life you DESERVE!! <3

[scattered-winter]

ON THE DATE OF THURSDAY YOU MENTIONED OCS THAT YOU WANTED. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM. PREHAPS EVEN DODDLE THE LITTLE GUYS MYSELF

sorry im rattling around in my enclosure again and my autistic ass forgot how to soclize for the fifth time this second

(i'm in an art block so I've resorted to harassing random people on the internet I find cool)

-rubixcubeanon

GBSLKDJGLKSBDGSLKG ITS LIKE 11 PM FOR ME RIGHT NOW SO THIS IS KIND OF UNHINGED BUT IM ALWAYS DOWN TO RAMBLE ABOUT SOME LITTLE GUYS

one of them is a werewolf pack leader and he's like. fundamentally he is a silly little guy. like what I'm thinking is he's kind of like the lovable rogue archetype (han solo-esque) but with a Twist being that. he actually has a LOT of responsibility as a pack leader and he actually takes it VERY seriously, but you just. wouldn't know that by looking at him. he tends to turn things into jokes and generally seems to not take anything seriously at all, but it's all a Carefully Constructed Facade (tm). because i go nuts for that <333 anyway here's a rough picrew

(i do NOT know his name yet. ive been calling him wolf boy in my head but that will not be what i actually call him LMAO)

and the other guy is a hunter/ranger type of character (TENTATIVELY named luka bc i love that name but truly. i have no fucking clue.) he basically lives and travels in the wilderness at the outer edges of the kingdoms and hunts monsters that prey on the outer villages. he's a very straight-laced no-nonsense loner, so when they have to team up for some reason (IDK YET!!!) they have a fun dynamic (he cant STAND wolf boy because he cant take anything seriously. and vice versa because luka has a stick shoved all the way up his ass. but they slowly begrudgingly gain respect for each other and maybe they kiss about it). anyway luka has a hunting bird named nova (cross between a peregrine falcon and a gyrfalcon and theyre BEST FRIENDS<33) and he has the bona fide Tragic Backstory (spoiler alert he wasn't always a loner). another rough picrew

the markings on his face is face paint BECAUSE!!!!!!!! he is from a community of hunter-warriors. and before every hunt, they would paint their faces, and wash the paint off when they came back with something for the group. and in fact they WOULDN'T come back until they had something because failure isn't tolerated when they depend on every hunter being successful. but anyway he gets exiled (for SOMETHING OR OTHER. DONT ASK ME WHAT BEACUSE I DONT FUCKIGN KNOWWW) but he keeps the hunting paint because he sees his lifestyle as One Big Hunt. and he's wearing the paint in the hopes that he can someday return home and be welcomed back as a successful hunter. (spoiler alert: he will never be good enough for them).

the plot is literally just vibes and shenanigans but there IS lots of whump and angst involved. because y'all know me.

#THIS IS SO INCOHERENT IM SORRY IM VERY TIRED #hopefully i will be able to cobble something more tangible together. unfortunately most of my ocs are like this #vibes. gayness. animal companions. trauma. #thats all a character needs TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST!!!!!!!!! #oc tag #rubixcubeanon

[superaznchick]

life update #16

ive been meaning to sit down and rant for the past few days so im finally just doing it now

idk how to best articulate this but i think what im feeling right now is maybe some sadness that i've grown up.

i realized this at work this week, where everything's been piling up with multiple things going on at the same time, and me being in the center of it with little support. i was definitely stressed at first but in the moment i felt so serene navigating the whole thing. like, i remained relaxed and not anxious, most of my moodiness was just from being annoyed that the deadlines were coming up so soon instead of properly spread out

and i think this is what's triggering my weird lingering sadness. even rereading some of my previous life updates my brain has always been soaked in anxiety, sometimes for no reason. but i'm so different now. if this were my situation just 2 years ago i'd probably be having panic attacks

i think growing up is a bittersweet thing, because you see that things aren't so bad. but then, you also see, like yeah. things were never that bad. they were only bad for reasons irrelevant to your higher purpose. but then that makes me feel sad for all that time lost, like oh, i could have been living like this the entire time, so all those past years spent bumbling around with all my anxiety and missing all those opportunities were just years scattered in the wind i guess

when you grow up you also lose a bit of magic i suppose. you've been around long enough to see how most things work, and will unfortunately start to be right a lot more of the time just due to sheer experience of watching things play out. you can still be wrong, but if you're aware and reflect often, things don't come as much of a surprise anymore. hence less anxiety, but also less magic

magic can be created though. it's just a lot more intentional, and requires conscious effort. like yes, i will be spending 3 hours tonight consciously putting effort into my hobbies and getting the magical result i desire. sometimes i succeed and sometimes i fail. magic is a choice, and i have to choose to participate in it every day

i have mixed feelings about all of this, but overall i think it leans towards the positive. being in the driver seat of your life is exhausting and sometimes gives little reward, but the times that you are rewarded feels so just and deserved. and it humbles you. like yes i found great success, but i've also found great failure. sometimes success is predictable because you're doing the calculations, not leaving the result to fate. you are backstage handling the props now, not on the other side watching the show. you wrote the script, and you know how it ends.

#personal #life update

[justalia]

I know I've been asking this but it makes no sense because I've probably enter my undesired state 1000 times and its my dwelling state , so do I have to enter my Desired state 2000 times to make it my dwelling state because ive been in a BAD state for almost 5 years, so do I have to frequently go back into my Desired state for MORE then five years , cuz neville said Frequency matters , I rlly want to manifest my desire super fast, because it's very important and I'm filled with anxiety

dude you’ve just said you’ve been in a bad state for 5 years, you clearly are never been in the state of having, if you had believe me you would’ve seen it reflected in your world. I Am is always expressed so even “failure” is a successful manifestation of your I Am.

do yourself a favor and pick up a book and study the law for yourself instead of asking the same question for a thousand times.

[devilsflowermantis]

i think the other times i’ve failed to lose weight were because of my eating disorder. i feel unhealthy at the weight im at, so ive tried many times, but it always turns into an obsessive thing where i have to control my weight and lose lbs as fast as i can, because it feels good to see it get lower and lower on a scale. basically trying to actively lose weight triggers my disordered eating habits. i’ve never been one to eat a lot, but i have pcos and i haven’t been able to get much activity lately due to my fatigue, so i was probably eating more than my body needed. on top of that, it was like a cycle where i would 1. be eating too little, 2. feel shitty emotionally from not eating. and 3. when i eat, feel like a failure, and then binge eat (because of an “im a failure anyway” type of thinking)

i’ve been really good about avoiding all of that this time. i’m trying to be truly healthy, not just trying to feel like i’m successful and in control of something in my life. i don’t like being overweight because im uncomfortable physically. with that as a goal instead, i’ve been working WITH myself, not against myself. no failure, no success, just taking care of myself better

#eating disorder mention #i have been battling the ED thoughts every day #it’s been worth it! hard but it’s for the best

[saihyou]

i did a top 10 sidem songs tag that i saw going around on twitter~ cant believe we're finally in our tenth anniversary year!!

meet the world

this song is really significant to me for a lot of reasons. as a kaigai P, world tre@sure was a super important time in sidem history where the gap was really bridged between the japanese fans and the rest of us. 4th live tre@sure gate was a must-attend for me because of this and it was my first time attending a imas live locally ever! i'll never forget the feeling of the lights dimming and meet the world beginning to play with every seiyuu's voice together in a huge powerful harmony. it was the first time id ever heard my 4 tantous voices in real life without a screen and thousands of miles between us and it was one of the most important moments of my life. i knew in that moment i could never miss another live again no matter how hard it is and how many hurdles i have to jump over to get to japan for the events. every time i travel again for imas, i listen to meet the world on repeat and think about how my passion for the idols can 空を海を夜を越えて <3

2. reason

reason is THE sidem song. every time i listen to it, the memories from the anime and lives and games all flood back to me. i've been a P since 2011 and AS has always been my home, and the reason i got into sidem at all is because i love AS and i've always felt that sidem and AS are the most connected and spiritually similar branches of imas. i always felt this way, so when sideani was released and we heard the full version of reason for the first time and realized that it was a love song to all of imas and everything that came before sidem... wow. im still so grateful to this day. and not only that, but AS themselves performing reason at moiw last year.... 😭 ill never be the same....

3. platinum mask

platinum mask!!! PLATINUM MASK!!! beits long awaited growing signal song. the memories attached to this song are so incredible. being in tokyo when the platinum mask event was announced, getting to experience platinum mask in full for the first time by hearing it performed live by all of beit at yokoari in that same week, platinum mask's cd releasing the week of moiw, platinum mask having the honor of being performed at moiw, and platinum mask being the song we got to finally see animated by sublimation for beits 3d mv. this song has given beit so many opportunities and been used to promote beit in ways id never even dreamed of before as their producer. not to mention the beautiful grand, royal aesthetic is something ive been waiting for my tantous to get forever, along with the lyrics perfectly fitting beits themes of secrecy and gaining/losing power.... this is truly the perfect song in every way.

4. hyper believer

i have so much to say about this song its unreal but ill try and keep it condensed. hyper believer was part of the first cd in the huuugely important and long awaited 49 elements series. there were 5 years in between shikis first solo and second solo, and much like the rest of the songs in 49ele, the jump in quality and huge level up for the idol is super tangible. hyper believer is shikis love song to highxjoker, to his friends his family producer the rest of 315pro, to life itself. it's about being self aware that hes in the awkward, incomplete period of his teenage years but going through every day knowing its temporary and fleeting so enjoying it anyway. every lyric is perfect and i still cant believe shiki got a song like this that takes him as a character so seriously. i havent felt so emotionally impacted by a song since chihaya's saihyou.

i love shiki more than anything in the entire world and i want to spend the rest of my life producing him. thats why when april 4th 2023 happened, it became impossible to listen to this song. theres a line in hyper believer that goes "millions of failures, successes, and brilliance are waiting for me" and i became unable to even face shiki when, in the real world, it seemed like there was no future waiting for him at all. all i could feel was my regret, my shock, my failure as a producer, my anger towards the situation sidem was put in. i carried these heavy feelings with me for months and didnt listen to the song for almost a year. until 8th live.

i attended sidem's 8th live at k-arena with nervous apprehension, careful excitement. very guarded. 2023 was the worst year of my life because of sidem, but also the best because of sidem. the idea of this being the final live and the end of the roadmap made me sick to my stomach and i sat in my seat on level-5 on day 2 with the idea that it could be the last time, ever. however, after a perfect baton touch from chibasho, nogamin came out on stage and performed hyper believer. "with tears in my eyes, i know i cant let this end". i was blown away. every single line hit me like a truck, only amplified by how long itd been since i heard them. after it was over, i was so stunned i didnt even register different songs had begun to play until 2-3 songs later. with that one song, every worry that clouded my life since april was blown away and my love for imas that had dropped to a 10% raised back up to 100%. along with platinum mask's b-side being performed, go for it, the surprise appearance of rairai meishi, and all the announcements afterwards that proved that sidem not only wasnt stopping any time soon, but revving up more than ever for the 10th anniversary made hachisu my favorite live of all time. i felt like everything id worked up to actually meant something and now i can face shiki with more love than ever because of this song.

thank you shiki, thank you nogami-san.

5. go for it

everything about go for it is very quintessentially "sidem" to me. being able to see minori as the center for such a fun shuffle unit is so precious. the unit originating in moba and then getting a song together through saisuta feels like staff very carefully considered how to bridge the gaps between both worlds and im very grateful for how much care was put into creating this project for them. not only that, but the lyrics are so fun and positive in a very sidem way and im so happy our oldest idols could sing this together since the age range of the idols being so wide is another charm point of sidem.

i also really love how sidem-like the music itself is too. sidem music is inherently instantly recognizable among other imas music because its men singing, but i think its really commendable that even if the vocals were muted, most people could still probably tell this was a sidem song. i also love love love how the music is ... tastefully dated? it matches the silly goofy aesthetic of over30 so much. its so playful. i love this song so much

i really hope i can own a proper go for it cd one day..... :(

6. summertime graffiti

not only do i think this is just a really really fun, catchy song that everybody should listen to, but this is the song that all 4 of my tantou sing together... <3 having tantou in different units means i dont get to see them together that often, and although theres 全体曲 and other songs like 315 steelo and welcome to japan that feature a mix of my 4 tantou, but this is the only song with kyoji pierre minori AND shiki singing together. beit and highxjoker combined with the energy and cuteness that yusuke and kyosuke add makes this the perfect song that i cant help but smile while listening to! hearing it performed at masters of idol world last year was so incredible i still cant believe it actually happened.... :'D

7. sunset colors

sideani 315. thats all i can really say. highxjokers songs are usually more idol-like in line distrubition and style than band-like, but for the anime they went full in on highxjoker being a band and it was so beautiful. shikis lead vocals throughout the entire song with everyone else backing him up feels like the most true to form highxjoker song ever. an entire episode of sideani being dedicated to this story and the build up to jun yelling out shikis name during the role call.... ;---; not to mention highxjokers seiyuu learning their characters instruments to perform it at 3/4 legs of the 3rd live tour... its such a huge honor to have my idol be the center of such an important song.

8. red hot beat

another song i just simply love to listen to and makes me really happy. super upbeat and high energy, perfect for all the physical members ❤️ i really really really adore the line distrubition in this song. seeing all of the combinations is so fun and i really like how most of them pair the idols up with more unexpected duos, which makes it really fun. shiki and minori are my physical tantous, so getting to hear asselin and minoris duet followed by shiki and suzakus duet is just so fun!! those combinations could only happen in this song so i tresure them deeply. the lyrics are so adorable too... theyre filled with such a deep love/affection that only idols ive produced for 10 years now could sing, yknow? if that makes sense. this song and its lyrics can only work because the sidem idols have been active for such a long time. cries.

also, minori was the event sr for the red hot beat event in saisuta which i had a lot of fun running. i think i hit 500,000 points? it really was fun....

9. secret ornament

theres not really a super deep reason for choosing this, but i just really love this song. theres something so endlessly magical about getting to hear kyoji pierre and minoris voices harmonizing together. a more orchestral song like this that relies on their vocals more shows that off perfectly. the violin solo after minoris solo gives me goosebumps no matter how many times i listen to this song on repeat. i love them so much. i cant wait to hear this song live one day ;-;

10. voy@ger

this might be cheating but theres no way i couldnt include voy@ger. voy@ger is my favorite thing the idolmaster franchise has ever done. ever. i cant say it enough. every single part of it is perfect. absolutely perfect. ive talked about it so much and gone over every possible detail and frame and milisecond of the song so many times that i wont repeat it all here but i just want to mention specifically that...

obviously i love the choice of sidem idols that got to participate because kyoji got to take part in this project but because... well... for a long time the reason othermas Ps would give that they didnt want to hear our sidem idols perform with their girls is because their voices are too deep and they would sound weird or bad or disruptive to the girls. i really hate this. not only is this super disrespectful to the song writers and sound producers, but also for more importantly the idols and seiyuu, both male and female. for nanwara and poplinks tune and even cryst@loud later on, only the main trio idols were used, but they were the "obvious choices" and only drastars members sang with the girls. but voy@ger didnt go that route and used idols outside the main trios. and for sidem in my opinion it wouldve been really easy for them to just choose. like. idk. kanon saki pierre ie the idols with the highest pitched voices and thrown them in the group so they could sing on the same octave as the girls but they didnt do that at all. and thats my favorite thing about voy@ger. kyoji genbu chris are probably the 3 idols with the LOWEST voices in all of idolmaster and im so happy they were given that opportunity to prove the weirdos who hate sidem wrong. they killed it so hard. im so in love with every decision made about voy@ger i could literally talk about this forever but this is probably my time to wrap this post up....!!

thank you 酒カス☆ボンバイエ and 黒川 for organizing this project! its been so fun to read other Ps thoughts on so many different songs. i had a lot of fun filling out my own version ^^

#imas #txt #SideM

[wednesdayday]

For the ask thingie: 7, 14, 24? 😌

7. what scares you the most and why? failure. ive always felt like im not good enough, smart enough and i need success as a validation i guess

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do? right now to give up school. i love the topics and the lessons but (which is connected to the first question) i feel like im not smart enough and as clever as my classmates, but im scared to do it cause ive wanted to study this for so long and it would be a failure to give up, also i would have to get a full time job and idk what i would like to do, and i feel like i would dissappoint my parents and my grandma, cause they have always been really supportive of my education

24.what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for? (this one suggested naty @follivora) for getting help with my depression, anxiety and bpd. i've wanted to kill myself my whole teenage years and it got to a point i almost couldnt function and i didnt think i would even live to graduate high school. so finally after years of this i sought help of a psychiatrist and i´m much better. i never thought i could be happy and content again, and that´s what i am right now

thank you so much for these and sorry for it being so serious haha

questions I think would be fun to be asked

#asks

[alicelikesnothing]

i hate everything i am and everything ive become.

i've always had an idea of success in my head, i've always wanted to be the best. i wanted to get the top of the class in every paper, get the highest mark in every exam. i've always wanted to feel special. i've always wanted to be special. ive always wanted to give people a reason to like me. by my own definition of success, i am a massive fucking failure. instead of acing every exam and going to some prestigious school, ive ended up at a bottom 10 polytechnic university studying a degree with no progression oportunities and no career prospects. as of wednesday, i work part time in the kitchen of a pub, microwaving baked beans for coffin dodgers and perverts. my dirty shared accomodation in my so called city of choice will never be my home, but my childhood bedroom has been stripped of the child who once lived there, and thus will never again be my home. my few friends from college think ive changed since i moved away, my parents think i've grown. the truth is i've grown to hate the changes i made when i moved to that place, so that the people i'd chosen to surround myself with would think im special.i hate the choices ive made that have got me tothis point in my life, and i hate that evenif i could go back in time to change things and do better for myself, i'd probably be too lazy to care.

#poem #poetry #text post #original poem #poets on tumblr #mental health

[olivia-sementsova]

Adhd Artists Have Lists Of Forgotten Projects

You know you're an artist with ADHD when you have lists of neglected projects...

Over the last couple of months, I've been slowly adding to a list of all the places where I sell my work online. And I realized this list is kind of long, and I've neglected every single one of these. I honestly forgot they existed until I was reminded.

Etsy Shop

Creative Market Store

Spoonflower Store

A Shelf I Codesigned with CoFo

A Society6 Shop

And to add to that, these are just the places that are active RIGHT NOW and don't include all the online shops I have closed over the years. (I've had a Redbubble shop, a Fine Art America store, a StoreEnvy shop... and those are the ones I remember) Or the social media platforms I've given up on.

Being able to see this lack of consistency in myself is really frustrating, mostly because the underlying goal has stayed the same: To make art and to find a way to share it.

And when I think back on this, it’s always the same pattern. I’ll start something and be really excited about it. I think to myself "Ive finally figured it out! This is how Ill share my work with the world!" I’ll pour my whole heart into it. I may or may not have some success at it. But inevitably a point will come when I think I've either failed at it (like not making enough sales) or I hit a roadblock that makes it harder to work on it (like having to work a full-time job) and I feel completely dejected and hopeless and think "I will never be good at this!" and I close the shop, or stop posting about it, or otherwise give up. Some time will pass, and I will again have some free time and Ill do It all over again, but I won’t go back to build on what I've already done. No, no. I will do the harder thing and start something completely new. And repeat the whole thing again until another roadblock.

Even though I consistently want the same thing, I’ll pursue it inconsistently.

Even as I write this I feel frustration at myself. "Why couldn't I have just stuck to one thing!? I could be so much farther now!"

I'm in my late 30's and finally have a diagnosis and treatment for ADHD. I wish it had happened in my childhood. I wish I could have known why I struggled so much, even with the things that I love to do. And I wish I could have had some tools and support to make my goals more accessible. But there is nothing I can do about the past. I am glad to have this knowledge now.

Now I am able to step back a little and see that there is an underlying consistent goal, and that there is a way forward. I need to build a structure for myself to follow each creative interest as it comes. A place to gather everything together. I think this will be my website. Though I really don't know the specifics of how Ill do it.

Most importantly I want to stop thinking of each of those shops as individual failures, but instead see the underlying goal. And support myself in accomplishing it. I hope you do the same for yourself.

Do you have any long-term goals that you pursue in a haphazard manner? Share that with me.

#Artist Journey #ADHD Artist #Indie Designer #Wallpaper #furniture design #illustration #line art #Spoonflower #Etsy #Society6 #small business #artist business #moody art #indie fashion #artists on tumblr #my art

[passionextraction]

i remember needing something to love from a very young age; something that was mine and mine alone, something i could carry. it’s always been much easier to care about anything else but myself. some of my friends did art, but my kindergarten teacher tried holding me back for not coloring inside the lines. quite frankly, i just didn’t have the time to give. it was boring. some people could play music but there was no one around to teach me or even hear my interest. in the panhandle, you basically had two choices: play sports or be nobody. at the time, i don’t really think i grasped the idea, but my mother did so i played sports from the second i was old enough to.

i played soccer and hated it because it gave my bullies an excuse to kick me in the shins and push me down. my mother made me do it for four years anyway. i could ride a horse decently well, mostly everyone could, so i rodeoed. i really enjoyed it but could tell that i was not the type to be successful long term in that lifestyle. i don’t know how or why i was able to recognize that so early on. i was good at running because i could go on forever and recover in under a minute, until i started smoking cigarettes. by that time id already decided basketball was what i would commit to.

in the summertime, i didn’t have school to escape to and summer camps don’t really exist in keyes so we had to do it old school and just play outside. barbarian, i know. my grandpa, my step fathers father, was one of the most genuinely sweet men ive ever met. he taught me to drive and how to be kind. he also installed a basketball hoop in my driveway so i would have something to practice on.

i spent nearly 8 hours a day on that basket for several years, even moving it to boise city with us when we left. i shot on that basket until i graduated high school.

i still remember being 8 years old and coming in after a long, hot summer day. i was thrilled because i had made a shot from the furthest i’d ever been from the goal and had perfected some dribble move. my mother was depressed, and uninterested in my enthusiasm. attempting to give her some of my own joy, i told her treat when i made it to the wnba, we’d never have to worry about anything ever again. my mother laughed and said “yeah right.” the concept of failure hadn’t really entered my realm yet, especially with all of the high standards i made sure to meet. puzzled, i asked for clarification, “well do you think ill at least be able to play in college?” her demeanor changed as she realized i was being serious. my mother has always insisted on telling the truth, even though she often chooses which truth to believe. a look of calm washed over her and she looked me deep in the eye when she said “no, i don’t think you will.”

for the next ten years i dedicated myself to the game of basketball and it loved me back. i made friends, learned valuable lessons about hard work and success and working together with other people. my dry mannered basketball coach paid me a compliment in my senior year that i will never forget, and embarrassingly sometimes shout out at parties when im winning a game of beer pong. “bratcher didn’t call me the best three point shooter in this half of the state for nothing!” i know, it doesn’t seem like much, but you have to understand the type of encouraging i was accustomed to receiving— none. it would be several years before i realized how much she had impacted me as a human being.

anyway, i got the scholarship. one day after my 18th birthday, and the most traumatic event of my adolescence, i signed to play basketball at southwestern college. this was my chance to show everyone exactly what they’d been missing, including my mother.

i was suspended twice and overdosed after being on the team for a year and two months. i played maybe 5 junior varsity games, for two minutes at the end of each half. i was more worried about losing someone who could’ve cared less than even thinking about what i had really cost myself. i’m often worried my life will play out in the same way, and wonder what i would be like if things had been different when i was 8 years old.