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xelasrecords · 3 months

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Locus of Pain

Kim Jihyun x MC

NSFW

MC doesn't tell Jihyun she's hurt. He finds out anyway.

I'm back with smutty and messy ambiguous relationships! With GE Jihyun's personality. I will forever campaign for his GE personality until it becomes mainstream in fics and I don't have to put a disclaimer anymore.

TW: discussions on adult child abuse, self-destructive thoughts and actions, brief mild gore imagery, self-harm

Words: 4.5k

Masterlist Read on AO3

She stumbled into the apartment with a pained grunt.

She ought to feel bad for staining the floor with her blood, but she had more important matters to attend to. Her back was burning with lacerations and every step she took was straining the bruises that had burrowed into her muscles.

She tried not to swing her hands too much as she headed for the bathroom, disposing of her jacket at the foot of the bed. For once she was thankful for Rika's cramped apartment. It could be suffocating at times, but it was easy to live in. Jihyun said Rika had a taste of unassuming minimalism. She thought building a gilded emerald cult with thousands of followers was pushing the definition.

Gripping the edge of the sink, she clenched her jaw and started peeling off her blood-crusted shirt. The injuries shouldn't be too deep since the blood had stopped flowing down her back like a free-flowing motherfucker. But as she pulled the shirt over her head, it tore the barely knit skin apart, and warm blood started to trickle down again.

She cursed her thin epidermis. It was not supposed to tear over a mere picture frame thrown at it, even if the frame was large enough to cover half of the bedroom wall.

Her father had excellent aim and strength. He had proven that to her many times.

Sometimes she fantasised about breaking his skull in with a scorching hot pan, wondering if his hair would melt from the heat or if his eyes would bulge out of their sockets. Would he scream for her help? Would he plead for mercy or curse her for being a demon spawn? Then, she could blame him for fathering such an evil inside her.

Her stomach curdled with guilt. The resentment was hers alone, and he had loved her despite her selfishness. She couldn't shed away the primal care she had for him. She was her mother's daughter, after all.

Twisting her body in the mirror, she made a quick work of cataloguing her injuries. Two long gashes that dipped into her flesh but wouldn't require stitches, one blackening bruise near her ribs, and several cuts and bruises that stippled across her back. She tested her breathing. No wheezing. No punctured lung. An improvement from the last time. Jihyun wouldn't need to know.

She stepped into the shower and washed off the blood. The cold water chilled her bones. But it had to. It was better to feel all of it. She had asked for his wrath and now she dealt with the consequences. Besides, it helped with closing the wounds.

After she put on a pair of shorts, she reached for a bottle of alcohol from the medicine cabinet. Sharp gasps escaped her mouth every so often as she tried to pour just enough. Medicine was costly and she shouldn't waste it. The burn blinded her vision white and she hunched over the sink, focusing on the cold ceramic under her fingertips and the slicing of tiles beneath her bare feet.

When her sight had stopped swimming, she took a deep breath and bent her arm behind her in awkward angles to slap adhesive bandages to the wounded area. She grunted in frustration. It was tougher than she'd thought. She was nauseous from constantly looking up to check her reflection, the evening autumn draft was pricking at her exposed skin, and the plasters kept sticking to the wrong place.

She glared at the mirror. Do not faint.

How many nights had she spent patching herself up? And yet she still struggled. Her lack of progress was almost laughable.

She didn't think there were any glass shards embedded in her though. One good thing that came out of this. She tried not to think about the larger shard she had pocketed when the picture frame glass shattered, now buried under the bloody heap of clothes.

She froze when she heard someone punching in the door passcode.

She was about to kick her bathroom door close when Jihyun entered and switched on the lights from down the hallway. Their eyes locked, and he stopped in his tracks. Her throat constricted.

This was not how she wanted him to ever see her.

His face grew horrified, and he dropped his satchel in his rush to get to her. She had a fleeting worry that his satchel might have dropped onto the blood-stained floor and she might have ruined his fine leather bag.

Jihyun stood before her, his mouth opened and closed. She schooled her face into indifference and waited.

"You—" he started, "what happened?"

The impulse to lie was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't find a good reason to when he had caught her like this. She doubted he would believe her excuses. The day had been long and she was so tired.

"A jolly good ol' catch-up with my parents." Her tone was casual.

Jihyun watched her with a worried frown, then squeezed into the small space and ran the tap water through his hands. He was moving with a surprising efficiency as he lathered his hands with soap before scanning her injuries and her first aid supplies.

"Please let me help." His teal eyes were desperate. She had forgotten how luminous they were from up close. "You can't do this alone."

"You shouldn't have come here tonight."

"I'm well-versed in healing people," he urged. "I used to heal my own injuries when I was with Rika. I treated hers as well. I know enough, so you can trust me." His fingers twitched, almost reaching for her before dropping to his side. "Please."

More than the fact that she was found out, she hated that she had made Jihyun worry about her. The only thing she excelled at was to instil negative feelings in people who cared about her. Always wrath in her parents, sometimes concern in Jihyun.

Jihyun had never lost his head at her, but she was waiting for it to happen. No one had the patience of a saint, not even him.

It was a pity she had condemned him to another relationship where he had to play the caretaker. Letting him treat her would be an appropriate compensation for his scare. "Go on," she said. "But I should probably lie down."

Relief flooded his face. "That would be the best. Can you walk on your own?"

She nodded, but he held her arm and assisted her to the bed. He sat her down, slowly, and helped her settle into a comfortable position to lie prone in. She buried her face into the pillow that smelled faintly of mint leaves. It was Jihyun's side of the bed. It comforted her that he was permanent enough in her life that she could find traces of him in her private space.

"Has it always been this bad?" Jihyun asked quietly. The feeling of his lithe fingers inspecting her skin with clinical precision was unfamiliar. His touches were always loving, adoring, not stiff with anxiety. He had never seen her with weeping wounds. She had never let him into the truth.

"Only when I deliberately provoke them. Mother goes off the rails, father blames me for not caring about my own parents, I try to save myself before things escalate." She raised her head and smirked at him. "I don't always succeed though. Got a picture frame to my back, as you can see. Took being backstabbed by your family to the next level. They were supposed to hang it where their guests could see, but I doubt they'd hang it without the glass now. People would ask."

There was a brief silence before he spoke. "That's terrible." His voice was soft, barely a murmur. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know they are violent."

She shrugged. "You're not the one who should apologise. And they will anyway, once they think I've iced them out for too long. Not that it means anything."

He shook his head, and strands of aquamarine hair fell across his forehead. They softened the distress that wrought his features. "You're not a mouse they can play with."

"No, I'm just their daughter they can hurt," she said. Jihyun pressed a bandage against the grisliest gash across her back and she winced. "Do you think it'll scar?"

"It most likely will. Had it been any deeper, you would have needed stitches." He paused, his palm resting on her spine. "Why didn't you call me?"

"It didn't occur to me," she lied. She wanted to lay down her defences and curl into his arms. She didn't want to keep fighting for herself. There were times when escaping was better than fighting for nothing, but it wasn't something she could ask from him. Her cage was her own.

Jihyun's fingers curled against her skin, and she could sense the waves of sorrow unfurling around her. "Can you think of me from now on? It doesn't have to be all the time, moments when you are hurt will do. If you call, I will come."

"I think of you all the time, Jihyun."

"Oh. I didn't know that." The surprise was evident in his tone. He applied another bandage to her back, smoothing it cautiously over the raw wound. "But I know no one is meant to bear their burden alone. You have been through so much."

"So have you, love. I'm not special." She gave him a bitter smile. "Now, why did you come here unannounced?"

Jihyun studied her for several seconds. "I wanted to see you," he said. "You've been withdrawn lately, so I thought something had happened."

She chuckled. "I suppose this counts as something."

"I never had to imagine you in my position before," he said. "I thought you'd confide in me when you're hurt. It's what you always urge me to do. You taught me to be more trusting. But seeing you like this makes me realise how much fear you and Jumin must have felt when I took matters into my own hands." He let out a ragged sigh. "I don't know how I would cope if I came here one day and saw you unconscious on the floor."

Lucky he wasn't here when she blacked out from a concussion a few months ago.

She made a dismissive gesture. "Do as I say, not as I do."

"Only if you let me do the same thing."

She levelled a glare at him. "Definitely not."

Jihyun snorted but worked silently after. The stinging pain was dulling into low throbs. She had lost count of the bandages he used, but it must have been more than necessary. She felt the adhesives even on the spots that didn't require them. Jihyun was being excessive. After everything she had gone through, she was confident that a small, uncovered cut wouldn't be her reason to die.

He should know. He had been stabbed and was still alive fretting over her.

She heard him uncapping an ointment and felt a cool sensation on her skin. He carefully massaged the salve into the bruises, sending shivers throughout her body. How nice he was. How patient. How kind.

When he pushed her hair aside to tend to the base of her neck, her breath caught. His fingertips sent fire down her synapses. It had been so long since they did anything. The distance she put between them was growing taut. The farther she pulled, the harder she would crash back into him.

Her arm moved on its own accord when she grabbed Jihyun's fingers and pressed her lips to the back of his hand. The strong herbal scent from the salve burned her nose, but this smooth hand was his. Hers.

Jihyun was always there for her to come back to.

He was not home. Home, to her, was not something that she ever longed to go. It was the misery that strangled her into obedience and shrunk her world into a dark, bleak place to survive in.

He was her sanctuary on a far-off island. Nothing could get to them when they were together.

Jihyun let out a light chuckle that sang to her heart. "Let me wash my hands. I don't want to make you any more ill."

She squeezed his hand. "I missed you too, you know. I'm glad you're with me."

He stilled, then crouched beside her head. He tucked the hair that obscured her face behind her ear and kissed her temple before gently wrestling his hand out of her grasp. The shape of his lips was just as she remembered it.

She watched him rinse the blood from her clothes and exhaled in relief when he didn't stray to her trousers' pocket. She watched him clean his hands with water trickling down his forearms, the brown sleeves of his sweatshirt pulled up and collecting water at the elbows. She watched him storing the first aid kit and medicines in the cabinet to her preferred arrangement. She watched him doing useless things for her.

When Jihyun climbed into the bed and rested against the headboard, she asked, "Do you know what the worst part of this is?"

He stared down at her, eyes carrying a heavy sorrow. "That your parents don't know how to love you?"

"Not even close." She rolled her eyes. "I've known that all my life. Not being able to lean against anything is the real tragedy. Look at me, I can't even sit comfortably beside you."

"But you can come closer," he said slowly.

She raised her brows but let him guide her to lie on his chest, his fingers resting on her bare shoulders.

He was clothed and she wasn't and it was something she needed to rectify.

She tangled her leg around his and relaxed her head against his beating heart. It was thrumming to a rising tempo that mirrored hers. She toyed with a loose thread on the neck of his sweatshirt. "I wish you weren't so good at fixing up injuries like mine. I wish you never had to learn."

"It's all in the past now." He slipped his fingers into the gaps between hers and clasped them. "I'd go through it again if I had known it would help alleviate your pain."

She snapped up at him. "Your martyr streak needs to stop."

"I have stopped. Just allow me this one exception." He planted a chaste kiss on her mouth, then cleared his throat. "Will you meet your parents again?"

She tightened the thread around her forefinger until it looked like diagonally dissected blocks of meat and she could barely feel its existence. "I know they do horrible things sometimes, but I can't cut them off. It's not that easy. I still love them. When they're not mad, they can be easy to love."

Jihyun frowned at her finger and gently untangled the thread before snapping it off. "That's what makes leaving harder, isn't it?" The haunting in his face revealed the extent of horrors that he had experienced. An angel with a darkened, torn soul who was still rising high above. He was not her. She liked that about him. "It's easier to hate someone when they have only been awful to you. It's their residual goodwill that gives you hope that they will change. When I look back to how stubbornly I stood beside Rika, I understand. Left in the dark, we cling to the light. We forget who trapped us there in the first place."

She didn't want to admit that Jihyun was right. That he was right, yet it would not change anything.

She wondered if she had been drawn to him because the subconscious part of her knew he would understand. Jihyun knew how to make her feel less alone in the guilt and resentment and twisted love that she couldn't untangle herself from. Most people were not like him. She learned from a young age that if people found out about the abuse, they would either urge her to leave—which added unnecessary pressure on her because it was never an option—or give her pitiful looks while stumbling over their words.

"Jihyun," she said.

He drew his thumb over her chin. "Yes?"

"Don't go." She pushed herself up and crashed her lips into his.

It was fervent, maddening, and she poured all the tension from their time of separation into it. The yearning to see him. The stress from her parents meddling with her happiness. Everything she had been missing after being alone for so long.

Jihyun reciprocated with more caution, treading her lips like they were a treasure trove. He gave in eventually when she didn't show a sign of discomfort, his kiss matching her intensity.

She bit his lower lip and slipped her tongue into his mouth. He gripped her shoulders, pulling her closer until she was pressed against him. His hands were not sliding down her waist and everywhere else like he tended to. He kept his hold staunchly on her arms even as he deepened the kiss.

It hit her what he was doing. He was being considerate of her battered body.

She let out a sob into his mouth. Nobody had ever cared for her like this. She could stand all the violence flung at her, but one act of kindness felled her to her knees.

Jihyun pulled away in an instant, his glazed eyes searching across her face and body. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head. "I was just thinking about you. You're wonderful. I missed you." Jihyun's expression was guarded, appraising her, and she let him. She had spoken the truth. She offered the truth so rarely that she would not omit more of it if it concerned his regard for himself. "I'm fine, Jihyun."

He gave a slow nod, and she tugged off his cashmere sweater. With a tender touch, she ran her hand through the ragged red patches of skin that stood out against his pale torso. Burn scars from a house fire. Both of them had childhood wounds woven into their very being. The past was made permanent on their skin.

Jihyun squirmed, seemingly self-conscious, despite her being familiar with the scars, but he made no attempts to stop her. He was beautiful, body and soul, she thought. He had more love and forgiveness in him than anyone she had ever known.

She trailed kisses along his jaw and sucked on the juncture behind his ear. He moaned and curved his body against her, and she smiled into his neck. It was amusing, the reactions that she could elicit out of him. No one could touch him as she could. He did not let anyone else know him intimately like this. He was only for her.

She suspected all of this played into his pleasure as well.

She twined her fingers around his hair, marvelling at the softness of it, and pulled it back to bare his throat. He had such a beautiful throat.

She didn't apply much pressure as she wrapped her hand around it, but his breath hitched. Her lips curved into a sly smile, her other hand wandering down his hard bulge. "I don't know why being choked always turns you on."

Jihyun held his gaze on her despite his reddening complexion. "I can feel you wanting me when you hold me like this."

"I do want you." She swung her leg astride him, straddling his hips and rested her forehead against his. The hard-on beneath her was hard to ignore. "It drives me out of my mind when I can't be with you."

"You shouldn't have pushed me away," he murmured. "I'll still want you, however you are, whatever condition you are in. You're always just you to me. Nothing can make me want you less."

"I'm sorry," she said. Jihyun closed his eyes, and she kissed his eyelid with a gentleness that she reserved only for him. "I'm sorry I left you alone."

He cradled her cheek, and she basked in the warmth of it. The safety of him. He was here and she couldn't fight the temptation to lose herself in him. "You didn't leave me alone. I belong with you. Anywhere you run to, you take me with you. I'm yours."

She tightened her hold on his throat to see his reaction. "You're mine," she whispered.

A slow smile graced his delicate face. "I am. I'm yours."

Jihyun drew her closer by the elbow and peppered kisses on her mouth, her chin, her throat, and her collarbones. He palmed her breasts and sucked her nipple while tweaking the other with his fingers. They hardened at his touch and she moaned his name, demanding him to be harder, rougher.

She needed to feel everything.

He bit her nipple and her hand slipped to the base of his skull, grasping at his hair. He was hers. His action and devotion were hers. It sent a deluge of pleasure down her core. Jihyun could be gentle, but he was also earnest to give her the satisfaction she sought.

She wanted him. She wanted him. She wanted him more than the freedom from her wretched life.

"I love you." She tipped his chin back. "I love you, Jihyun. Remember it."

He smiled up at her, his pupils blown wide with lust. "I love you, too."

She reached down and unbuckled his trousers. She had done more strenuous activities in a worse state, so fucking him wouldn't damage her already mangled body. But Jihyun stilled her wrist when he saw through her intention.

She narrowed her gaze. "I'm on the pill."

"You're hurt," he said. "I don't want to worsen your injuries."

"Have you not treated them?"

His grip wasn't loosening. "You need more time to heal. The wounds may open again."

"Then go slow."

Jihyun hesitated.

"Please," she croaked.

As soon as she uttered the word, she knew she had him. He sighed, but let go of her wrist. "You'll have to be careful. I'm stopping this if you push yourself too far."

"Brilliant."

Jihyun pulled down his trousers while she discarded her shorts. She lowered herself into him, relishing in the feel of him filling her. He ran his hands up and down her waist tentatively until he was sure that he wasn't touching any of the injuries on her back. Only then did he allow himself to move into her with practised ease. She held onto his shoulders and rolled her hips in tandem, burying her face into his neck and letting him control the pace. Jihyun had meant his warning and she was not eager to risk it.

It felt new. It felt familiar. It was what she had yearned for. His low grunts, her body slanting forward to hit the right spot, their skin sticking to each other in sweat and slick wetness.

Jihyun was slow, unhurried, with faint caresses down her back. His concern for her was easy to read. He was tracing back the pain that he couldn't protect her from. He might no longer bear a debilitating guilt, but she didn't think he could ever eradicate his need to shield her from misfortunes.

She couldn't blame him. It was the same with her, though the abuse done to her wasn't something that anyone could simply take away, and they both knew it.

She bit his earlobe, mumbling, "It's not your fault."

Jihyun tilted his face, and his lips brushed her cheek. "It's not yours either."

She stopped caring whose fault her source of agony was and thrust into him, picking up the pace while she dug her nails into his arms. He didn’t stop her, his hand snaking down to find her bundle of nerves instead.

She gasped and arched her back when he rubbed her. She was vaguely aware of the sharp jabs of pain in her back, but she welcomed them. Pain grounded her into him.

Jihyun's fingers were vigorous, and his thrusting was getting rougher that it twisted the coil in her lower abdomen. She writhed with need, whispering to him not to stop, and he listened, and it brought her higher and higher until the coil snapped.

She cried out in ecstasy.

Jihyun kept to his pace as she rode out the climax, not stopping despite her trembling legs and clearing haze. She focused on him overwhelming her in a way that annihilated her need for anything else. The alkaline tang of paint that lingered on him. His tightening grip on her bottom as she felt him reaching his climax. Him twitching inside her when he finally did, his muscles tensing as he came inside her. His pleasure-struck face that entranced her every time.

He was a marvel to look at, to have. He was hers. He had proclaimed it. He was the forest that shrouded her from the vultures circling above, the soft sand that sank her deeper into him with each pull of the waves, the hearth that kept her warm through the barren cold. With him, she could breathe.

She would give him everything he wanted. She would not let him go.

She slumped against him, their mixed fluids seeping down her thighs. He slipped out of her and she kissed the underside of his jaw. "I love you."

Jihyun's breath was still racing as he drew circular patterns on her shoulder blades. "Your parents didn't hurt you because you provoked them. They hurt you because they're abusive. It's not your fault."

She sighed. She had hoped he would let it go, but nothing could stop him once he made up his mind. "Knowing it doesn't make it any better."

"Do you really think so?" He ran his thumb up her inner forearm. She flinched and tried to jerk away, but he held onto her. The deepest scars had faded to silver, but the fresher ones were raised ridges along her skin. She had been careful, small cuts scattered on an easily hidden spot. She didn't realise he would notice. "Isn't this your form of penance?"

Her chest tightened. "It's the only thing I have control over. If I blame them and direct all my anger at them, I will hurt them. This way, the only person I hurt is myself. I'm not a weapon. I'm not a threat."

"Don't you think you've been hurt enough?"

She wore a thin smile and looked away. "Sure."

Jihyun's hands slid up her jaw and tilted her head back to him, his fingers resting on the pulse points on her neck. "You can be angry around me. It's natural to want to express your emotions. They're not something you're supposed to keep to yourself. Talk to me when you feel like turning to self-mutilation. I'm yours, remember? My ears are yours to talk to. My shoulders are for you to lean on."

She surveyed his pleading gaze with a twinge of pity. Jihyun was asking for more than he was supposed to receive. In time, he would see it.

Another waiting game had begun. She almost did not want to see the ending.

"All right. I'll do that."

Footnotes:

I went with Jihyun because I thought he'd be an interesting choice. The role reversal and all. He's forced to confront how he is seen through MC's eyes when he's involved in dangerous situations and refuses help.

MC's relief for living in Rika's suffocating apartment at the beginning parallels her feeling trapped in the familial cage that she doesn't want to leave. There's a reason why she doesn't move out of the apartment even after the cult drama is over. She's a bird caged too long that she can't take flight even if the door is open. She's not capable of leaving things behind, so she hoards everything she can (Jihyun) to herself.

MC thinking that her father "had loved her despite her selfishness" is the product of her parents' manipulation. Her belief that she's selfish if she feels negative emotions and wants anything at all is what drives her self-destruction, and ironically, her possessiveness.

With Jihyun, it's easy to make him fall into the rescuer role when the partner self-harms, so I was very mindful of depicting the discovery scene. I didn't want to romanticise it and make MC feel like if she got hurt more, she'd get more attention from him. Since this is GE Jihyun, he wouldn't default back to his old enabling methods.

I was dubious about making MC self-harm since I don't want this to be a gratuitous checklist of trigger warnings, but it makes sense for her to turn to cutting. If she has to be hurt, it might as well be by herself. Might as well be on her terms.

The nature metaphors are to show Jihyun's and MC's common interest in nature.

Are they actually in love or is it just oxytocin and loneliness? Who knows?

I felt pressured to write a romantic fic, but I haven't been able to these days so I turned to this. It brought relief somehow. This was cathartic.

I used to think I'd never write a possessive character in a non-antagonising light yet here we are. I compared this MC to the one from Wedge the Knife Under My Skin, but this one is blunter with her words and well, more possessive. She's bitter and sarcastic and resigned to her suffering. Fortunately, Jihyun is secure enough to see through her sharp defences.

The title is a twist on the locus of control concept in psychology, which is about a person's degree of belief on how much of their internal force governs their external life.

I don't know why I like to throw Jihyun into ambiguous relationships either.

Header Corner:

A quick process breakdown! Add a directional blur to the base footage > duplicate the footage, slightly shift the position and change the blur direction to get the hazy look > add a red filter overlay to fit the fic's bloody mood but retain the magenta in the background to resonate with the romance aspect > choose the appropriate angsty text and font!

Buy me a glass of something that's definitely not coffee because I can't stand it but it is the website's name if my story touches you in some way? No worries if you don't. I'm still grateful you've read all the way through here.

#jihyun kim #mystic messenger #mysme #jihyun kim angst #jihyun x mc #jihyun kim smut #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger v #mystic messenger imagine #tw abuse #tw self harm #xela writes #jihyun kim fic

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mys-me-stuff · 3 months

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requests?

hi friends, i'm hella late to the party but i grew up on mystic messenger and fanfic, and recently rediscovered a love for both of these things. with that said, i'm also very unsure of where to start.

will not write: anything that is socially unacceptable, pls don't even make requests like that. that's a wide range of things, i'm aware. just be normal, i beg.

will write: angst, fluff, (bad) smut, anything else within the realm of normal people requests that someone smarter than myself may come up with.

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breaddwoo · 1 year

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-Reset Button-

pairing: jumin han x mc

desc: events after jumin's bad ending where mc drumps out of a window ;(

warnings: suicide 💀

a/n: anyone who plays this game is depressed and a masochist

jumin's happiness is gone. it had fallen out the window and splattered 60 stories below.

he didn't even want to look. he was going to puke. vial acidic liquid crawled up his throat like a demon as he fell to his knees.

it was all v's fault. he distracted jumin. no. you know why this happened. it's all because she couldn't understand the tangled threads inside him. it's because i didn't know how to love her properly. it's all v's fault. it's my fault. if only she understood him. if only i'd let her go.

jumin wiped brown fluid that dripped down his chin; the stain forever imprinted on his thousand-dollar suit. he would never get it cleaned.

v was yelling and people were screaming outside, but jumin understood none of it. the sounds phased together, his eyesight went fuzzy. tears? have i ever cried?

as a child, maybe, but this was different. those tears were shed for broken toys; these were for a vanquished love.

he began to stand, wobbling. v tried to help him up but jumin slapped his hands away, as if they burned him. he couldn't even look at v, or her, or anyone.

as he stumbled his way to the nearest elevator, he began to cry. first it was a few silent tears, then salty streams slid down his cheeks until he was sobbing.

heavy, throat filled sobs that made him choke on the saliva bubbling in his mouth. the elevator music felt patronizing. he sobbed harder.

when the elevator made it to the lobby, he could already see the crowd outside. how dare they make her a spectacle?

he began running for the automatic doors. they opened far before he made it close, as if a small gesture of pity for what he was about to see.

his vision was blurry and he saw red. red on the sidewalk, red on the plants outside. red on her clothes.

jumin crudely shoved people aside. he could already hear the wailing sirens of the vehicle that would pronounce her dead.

his first thought upon sight of her was: she's beautiful.

he could not see her face, and he did not want to. jumin knew it wouldn't be the face he fell in love with. it probably wouldn't be there at all.

he felt the threads that she had unraveled begin to fester and tangle once more; only this time they were so entwined that he felt they would snap.

the memories of what happened next were hazy. crying, sobbing, weeping, wailing. petting skin that was dangerously cold. threatening people with a stretcher.

v watched jumin cry, his expression unreadable as jumin could not make it out through his tears.

once the people had stolen her away and jumin was sat back in his penthouse, the world felt deadly quiet. everything he looked at was grey. grey bed, grey closet, grey hands. these grey hands held hers only a day before, when her skin was warm.

if only there was a reset button.

#jumin han #mystic messenger #mysmes #jumin han imagine #jumin han bad ending #cheritz #jihyun kim #v mystic messenger #jumin mysme #jumin mystic messenger #jumin x mc #mystic messenger angst

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itomiu · 1 year

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Even when I know you don't like me, I still like you. So, for the first time in my life, i'm going to be in unrequited love. CHEER UP, EP. 09

#imagine confessing to the girl u like when she's awake !#kim hyunjin #han jihyun #cheer up #sbs cheer up #kdramadaily #kdramasource #♡

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anas-tasiaa · 2 years

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Saeyoung: *Made a proper plan sneaking out from the agency for a while, rushing to get back to Korea, risking his life just to give a Christmas present for Saeran through V*

Meanwhile V and Rika:

I still didn't forgive them for that yet, you know.

#mystic messenger #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #Jihyun kim #Rika #like how could you???????#at least just give it to Saeran and don't mention Saeyoung??#imagine the effort #care and love #that Saeyoung put to prepare for Saeran's gift????#to only be discard right away through them????#he risked his life for that gift you two shameless buffoon #🤡🤡🤡#Well I don't hate V much but really #this scene made me furious

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whymustyoube · 11 months

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they drop that Jihyun vapes but we never see him do it. probably cause vaping makes you look like a loser… vaping community don’t jump me

#the eighth sense #kim jihyun #korean bl #yeah but imagine him lighting up some peach ice vape #jaewon also barely even smoked in the show #would make him too hot?

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onlinekitsune · 1 year

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Reactions to MC confessing their feelings first ◛ ♥︎

tis the season for writing sweet confessions!!! i just wanted an excuse to write some cute stuff with some of the mysmes characters! might include a tad bit of angst but it’s worth it i promise!! also some minor route spoilers, nothing direct

JAEHEE KANG ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

honestly was pretty hesitant to give an answer, not because she didn’t like you, but because she was completely enamored by you, was so shocked about her feelings and how you made her feel, it was a good feeling but so very new, after thinking on it she said yes, she didn’t want to lose you nor this feeling, she was a bit intimidated and timid about dating, but knew with you she’d be okay, she’d apologize for her delayed answer by gifting you flowers on your first date, you couldn’t help but noticed how bright she was with you

JUMIN HAN ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

being a ceo of a multibillion dollar company it wasn’t odd to be confessed to, jumin had grown used to it and thought of them to be annoyances, however when you confessed and asked him on a date it was so very different, jumin couldn’t recall the other confessions leaving him this way, his heart fluttered and he felt the heat rise from his collar, the way your voice sounded saying his name echoed in his head, he was stunned and was lost in his thoughts, when you tilted your head he snapped back and immediately said yes, he planned your date for that very night

SAERAN CHOI ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

thoroughly convinced that this was a dream, but after blinking three times you still were stood there smiling, his heart ached, on one hand he loved you dearly, you made him incredibly happy and made his world blossom, on the other he was still dealing with the guilt, he dragged you into a not so pleasant situation, that could of gone incredibly wrong, he didn’t deserve you, you knew him too well to know what was going on in his head, you added reassurance that you wanted to be with him and what happened was more complicated than what he thought, sorting out he feelings he decided on a yes, he wanted to make it up to you

SAEYOUNG CHOI ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

when you confessed to him, he couldn’t help but to laugh and give you a little pout, he was planning to confess to you first, and was a little upset (in a funny/not serious way) that you done it first, accepted but pestered you to let him plan the date since you “ruined” his confession, he made sure the date was very dramatic and as extravagant as he could make it, it was clear on how much you meant to him just by that alone

V / KIM JIHYUN ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

half surprised half filled with guilt, after everything that has happened he was convinced that he wasn’t worthy of love, but after meeting you, after getting closer to you he couldn’t help but fall hard for you, he admitted his mutual feelings but shared his feelings that he didn’t feel worthy enough, you of course told him he was absolutely worthy, you didn’t want anyone else, you wanted to show him what true love really was, and you did, he didn’t know how freeing and beautiful true love actually was

YOOSUNG KIM ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

he couldn’t believe it, you actually shared the same feelings as him, it was like a miracle or a blessing, you couldn’t imagine someone who had more of a golden retriever energy than yoosung at that moment, you could almost see his imaginary tail wagging at incredible speed, he was very excited and eagerly wanted to plan your first date asap, would be the type to plaster the date you asked him everywhere he could, also would brag to the chat immediately, even though everyone but him had seen it coming

ZEN / HYUN RYU ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

two words: reverse uno, it was quite ironic that you two confessed at the same time, but it was exactly on brand for the two of you, you both laughed it over and obviously said yes, it was a no brainer for either of you, you both brought out the brightest sides of each other, you two were bound to be together, soulmates one could say, zen would love to tell anyone who asked about how you two goth together, he thought the both of you confessing at the same time was incredibly adorable, you couldn’t help but agree

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shxtodxroki · 6 months

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𝚂𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜

Summary: You’re cuddling with Jihyun, but he’s oddly quiet, as if he’s listening to something specific. And when you eventually ask why, you learn about your boyfriend’s biggest joy in life (aside from you, of course).

Flufftober Day 8 Prompt: Rainy Day

Warnings: Mentions/hints towards depression, mentions of V slowly losing his eyesight

Pairing: V ( Jihyun Kim) x Gender Neutral! Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Check out my full Flufftober masterlist here!

The room is silent, almost eerily so, as you sit beside your boyfriend with curious eyes and a mind full of wonder. You’re cozily cuddled up to his side, the fireplace running as you wrap both of your arms around one of his and press your cheek into his sweater. But for some reason, neither of you have said anything at all for the past ten minutes, your lover silently staring at the roof as if listening for something, or perhaps listening to something? You’re not particularly sure, but he seems more at peace than he hardly ever does, leaving you hesitant to disturb his clear serenity and risk wiping the soft, barely-there smile clean off his face.

Though you don’t wish to interrupt the silence of the room, you do slowly begin to sneak one of your hands down towards his palm, carefully linking your fingers with his. He lets you without a second thought, always open to your touch even when he’s not particularly paying attention, though your movements don’t seem to draw him out of his thoughts or his listening in the slightest as he remains quiet and stoic. Your cheek nuzzles against the fuzziness of his wool sweater in search of warmth despite the fire going at the other end of the room and the blanket currently being shared across your two bodies, as his warmth is like none other to you. A blanket and a fire can only warm your surface, but he’s able to get rid of the chill in your bones, able to make your soul feel light and airy to your core even with his own demons.

The fingers of your free hand slowly begin to dance up his sleeve, mindlessly playing with the soft fabric in your hands as your eyes turn up to his face. You could study him all day, you really could. He’s a living work of art, a being somehow painted perfectly, or photographed by an eye even more meticulous than his own. There’s not one feature of his that you don’t love, from his striking, vibrant hair to his soft, plush lips to his short, gentle fingernails that he lets you paint whenever you ask. He’s more precious than diamond or gold to your aching heart, and as he stares at nothing at all and finds himself lost in sounds unbeknownst to you, you find yourself thinking that he looks even more statuesque and gorgeous than usual as he sports one of his increasingly rare grins.

Though you’re desperate to hold his peace, to let him ruminate in this happiness that he’s so visibly experiencing for once, your curiosity eventually wins out as you ponder what could possibly be enrapturing him so much. Your hand gently squeezes his as you silently plead for his attention, gently snuggling into him once more as you look up at him and meet his gaze with soft, questioning eyes.

“What are you thinking about, love?” You ask quietly, careful to keep your voice low in hopes of preserving this moment’s serenity. “You seem really lost in something, but I can’t quite figure out what.”

Jihyun can’t help but let out a soft chuckle to your words, his free hand gently moving to trace along your knuckles as he responds. “....Can you hear that, angel?” He asks with a soft smile, and when you stop to listen, you can’t seem to hear much aside from a small, distant pitter-patter.

Tink. Tink. Tink. The sound barely echoes through the room, and for a second you think that can’t possibly be what your boyfriend’s referring to. You have no clue what it even is, how could it be significant enough for him to comment on?

But then, like a strike of lightning in your neurons, you realize that the sound is the soft patter of rain against your roof, your eyes glancing towards the window as you watch the droplets race down the glass panes and fill the sky with a grey smog. You had never known your lover to be particularly fascinated with the rain, but many people enjoyed the sights and sounds of fresh rainfall, though you were still curious if there was a deeper root as to why he seemed so utterly lost in the echoes of the downpour.

“The rain?” You ask for confirmation, your fingers squeezing his hand once more as he wordlessly nods in response. “I suppose I can, it’s pretty quiet though. I didn’t know you liked the rain so much….” You mutter, prompting him for further elaboration, if there was any to discuss in the first place.

He doesn’t answer right away, simply giving you another soft smile as he pulls you closer than before. He was being awfully generous today, showing off the beauty that is his smile more frequently than he had ever since you had met him, and the mere sight makes your heart swell to the brim. You suddenly find yourself incredibly thankful for the rain, your gratitude for the way it’s brightened your lover’s attitude pouring out of you and rivaling the steady downfall outside even if you can’t understand it. Until he finally explains it to you, the best he can, and gives you a window into his mind.

“Well… my eyesight is nearly gone now.” He starts with a sigh, though he doesn’t sound as melancholy as he typically does when the topic is brought up. That mention instantly piques your curiosity further, however, and you listen with rapt attention as he continues as the pads of your fingers mindlessly grip his sleeve. “So I can’t enjoy many of the things that used to calm me down before. The sight of flowers in a vibrant garden, the fireplace flaring up on a cold night, the thrill of getting to photograph a precious sight… honestly, I was starting to think I had nothing besides you that made me feel relaxed anymore.”

Of course you knew he had been suffering as the deterioration of his eyesight progressed. Anyone in his position would, and you had witnessed firsthand the simple pleasures of nature in his life slowly decreasing as his vision went more and more. But you hadn’t realized just how bad it had been mentally wounding him until this moment, and your heart aches for him as you patiently wait for him to continue at his own pace.

“But…. I can still enjoy the rain. Rain has never been about the sight for me, unlike most things that soothe my mind. It…. it’s more about the sound of the rain hitting the house, the smell of the mist in the air…. I guess I’m just happy that I haven’t lost all of my favorite parts of nature. That I can still enjoy things like this with the senses I do still have.”

Though your heart still holds a crack in response to his troubles, you feel tears of relief begin weighing down your waterline as his smile grows wider than it’s been all day. You suddenly shift your weight to meet him eye-to-eye after taking a moment to compose yourself, taking your sweet, fragile man’s precious face in your hands as you stare at him with a cheesy, lovestruck smile.

“You know, I think you’ve made me love the rain too.” You whisper, before leaning in and connecting your lips in a tender, gentle kiss. It’s brief, a few seconds at most, but he’s able to understand without words just how thankful you are for this moment. How thankful you are that he’s smiling again, that he’s found something besides his lover that still brings him joy. You’ve had to watch him lose so much along with his eyesight, sticking by his side through all of his worst moments along this journey, and through this kiss he realizes that you dream of him never losing joys like the rain ever again.

You’re unable to resist the urge to brush your thumb against the soft skin of his cheek as you pull away from this kiss, your finger slowly tracing along his sharp jawline as you press another peck to his cheek. “If it makes you happy, then I hope it rains every day. Anything to see you smile. “ You tell him with a voice full of fondness, and right then Jihyun knows that he could lose every other pleasure in life - rain included - and still be perfectly satisfied, as long as he still had you to love and hold throughout the rest of his life.

Request - Anonymous said: hello, darling! how are you? for your flufftober could you write something for v from mysme, please???

A/N: Ahhhh so sorry for my absence during my school-related slump, but I am STILL going to catch up these next few days because I REALLY want to see this event through to the end since I’m having tons of fun with it! Honestly I don’t know much about V (haven’t been down his route yet, and there’s been very little about him in the routes I’ve been down so far) so I hope this is okay! I think it turned out really sweet at least, I’m pretty proud of this so I hope you guys enjoy it as well! :> Also my requests are currently open, so if you have any requests for any fandoms I write for feel free to send them my way!

Taglist: @flufftober

If you’d like to be added to any of my taglists, you can fill out this form here! Thank you for your support <3

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marshmallowprotection · 4 months

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It’s been a hot minute since I’ve played MM but I was thinking of ray’s ae today. Specifically the scene where V drugs them with the sleeping gas.. it’s a little funny to think about it with my oc. She’s been trained to hold her breath for a long time. I can imagine V feeling awkward if she were in the scene just glaring at him as the rfa drops one by one (held her breath when Saeran told her to) bc this wasn’t how it was supposed to go??? lol

Jihyun Kim is trying so hard at that moment to be a villain. He thinks he has no choice but to commit himself to Rika, to that promise he'd made to her long ago, and even if he doesn't see himself as capable of loving her again, he did love her once, and he told her he would do whatever he could to take the brunt of her devil... alone. As long as he was the only one to burn in the end, he saw that as the path he had to take for their promise. Even though, he was close to realizing that the promise he made served neither of them any good.

He knows he can only "protect" Rika if he goes along with her plan to have a family that can never leave her side. He knows that means he's got to turn the boys over to Saejoong Choi as pawns, for all of them... to become pawns. He wants to protect everyone without stopping to look in the mirror and realize, "I'm not protecting anyone, I'm hurting all of us. Rika and I are hurting ourselves and everyone else by doing this."

He doesn't stop to think it through, he just goes for it, and there are tears in his eyes in that CG with the smoke bomb. He thinks he can be a villain but he's a horrid liar. So, God, if you were able to hold your breath AND open a window while Saeran is unaffected, you might be able to inform the guards and get someone to grab his butt and talk some sense into him before he tries to go beyond how far he's fallen at that point.

The story would have a different angle if we could hold him down and make him confront his demons right away. It'd be great if the RFA... no, if you were able to protect Jumin from passing out, he'd be the one to wrangle Jihyun just as hard as you or Saeran could. All three at once would overpower Jihyun's desire to bury his head in the sand.

#mod kait #ask #mystic messenger #anon #mysme #saeran choi #mysticmessenger #mm #choi saeran #ge saeran #saeray #saeran

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married-to-google-translater · 2 years

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I write this now for V and Ray.

Yoosung and Zen are here

Jeahee and 707 are here

Jumin and Saeran are here

Yandere V/ Jihyun kim

Oh, our yandere boy would be really sad.

V just can't accept this.

He really needs you.

You are the new light in his life.

His new reason to live.

His undying love is real.

V really thought that of course you accept his feelings.

He just can't understand why you wouldn't accept.

Did he do something wrong?

V would need reasons.

It's time to do something that every person whose feelings are rejected does.

So start hinting that if you don't love him, he has no reason to live.

Completely normal and nothing to worry about.

( This was sarcasm. )

If this doesn't work V might kidnap you.

Of course, being kidnapped is not nice.

He just can't live without you.

V is sure you understand him.

Eventually.

He makes you understand.

Yandere Ray

Ahahahahahaha.

Did you think v had a bad reaction.

You really haven't seen anything.

Ray would be really upset.

He can't understand why you don't love him.

Who could fall in love with their kidnapper?

Ray really wouldn't let you leave him.

This man could literally hang on to your leg and beg you not to leave him.

Please.

He does almost anything.

However, if you try to leave, Ray is forced to act in a "desperate" way.

Most likely he will stun you and chain you to the bed.

Ray later apologizes.

He hopes you understand.

Don't cry.

He would bring you lots of flowers.

If you want, you can also get hugs.

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xelasrecords · 1 year

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Haven Burning

Jihyun Kim x Reader

NSFW

Jihyun is sorry that he keeps wanting more from you while you're sorry that you can't give him enough, so both of you try to make up for it in your own way.

Words: 3.7k

Masterlist Read on AO3

Jihyun left the front porch light on for you. From up close, you could hear the faint clinking sound of moths bumping into the yellow beacon that shone through the dark. They would shed their wings and die eventually. Already there were husks of the fried bodies on the ground, but more would come still. They never learned. You swiped them aside with your foot and stepped into the house.

The living room was just as dark. You saw the silhouette of Jihyun first, his slouching figure nodding off in the armchair. Strips of moonlight that washed through the windows accentuated the elegant slope of his nose, the delicate swoop of his lashes, and the lustrous turquoise of his hair that stood out like a halo amidst the room's earthy tone. The whole space was a mess, but Jihyun preferred it to look lived-in instead of clinically neat. He liked the comfort of feeling at home, but your personal observation was that he could only feel complete when you were here. He was more himself with your presence. Why else would he give you a spare key you never asked for?

You waded through the scattered pillows and tabbed art journals to get to him. The blanket he used had slipped down the hardwood floor, so you bent down to cover him with it.

Jihyun started awake as you tucked in the corner of the blanket. "You're home," he mumbled, his eyes heavy-lidded.

You stayed in your crouching position and looked up at him. "I'm here."

Jihyun gave you a slow one-over, taking in your frazzled hair and unkempt clothes. "You really are." He offered a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and a hand that you took as he rose to his feet.

Jihyun was still holding your hand when he entered the kitchen. Absentmindedly, you brushed your thumb against the back of his slender fingers, the warm hand you were becoming familiar with. He was uncharacteristically quiet—not that you would know much about his character. He was as elusive to you as you were to him, but your habitual visit here had taught you enough. This was where you always met him. Not outside where anyone could catch you, but here, in the safety of his mess.

When Jihyun released your grasp to hand you a glass of water, you immediately accepted and gulped it down.

"Thank you, I was parched," you said. The liquid hitting your throat was lukewarm, the perspiration around the glass dripping down the floor. It must have been cold when he set it up for you hours ago.

"I'd thought you would be," said Jihyun. His tone was not unkind, but there was an edge to it as if he was holding back from saying more. He kept tugging on his cardigan's sleeve.

"Are you mad?" you tested.

Jihyun blinked, then said with caution, "I don't think there's anything I should be mad about."

"I didn't tell you I would disappear for a while."

"I can hardly get angry at you for doing the same thing I've done before."

You peered from behind the glass. "So you don't have any questions?"

Jihyun looked at you with fleeting sadness that you wouldn't have caught had you not paid attention, but you did. Everything about him was subtleties, so you had come to learn to read between the lines. "Not if it would hurt me."

"Then I will not tell," you said softly.

What hope that he had against all hopes vanished from his eyes. It wasn't clear what you and Jihyun were and neither of you saw the need to define it. You got tangled up with him when your life was in disarray, and he was willing to live in your chaos. He found comfort in your discomfort, so you could not come up with a reason to take it away from him.

The feeling was reciprocal after all. An unreasonable desire for Jihyun locked your knees in place. His love for your destruction became your love for his. There would be nothing left of you if he left, and he couldn't stand to leave you to degrade into ashes. You liked that he was so bound to you that he could not stay away, so the curse went around and around until you couldn't tear his thoughts apart from yours.

You wanted to possess him. No, more than that, you wanted to make a home right behind his sternum and cradle his ideologies in your hands and say, yes, you understood him because he felt like your own skin. You were made of him as much as he was of you. You were the Galatea he chiselled to obsessive perfection, a statue pervaded with the very essence of him that you were compelled to follow him wherever he went.

With the jug that Jihyun had left on the table, you poured more water into your glass and extended it to him. "Here, have one," you offered. "I'm sorry for making you wait up."

Jihyun shook his head but drank the water regardless. "Don't apologise. I did it out of my own volition."

You eyed the puddle pooling around the jug. "Did you prepare this for me every day?"

"I did."

"But what if I never came back?"

"I don't know, I just believed that you would. You never gave me a reason when you leave, so you don't need a reason to come back." Jihyun smiled, and sighed. "At least that's what I tell myself. I don't want to think about the day you stop wanting me."

You hummed noncommittally, eager to end the topic. "Would that day come, I wonder."

Without waiting for his response, you trudged back to the living room and threw yourself across the wide rug. You covered your eyes with your forearm as the steady ticking of the grandfather clock unwound the tension in your body. The last few days had been exhausting; you had been surrounded by people who only sought you out when they needed something. Your favour, for example. Your body, for another.

You heard a rustle as Jihyun knelt beside your head. "You shouldn't sleep here," he said. "You'll wake up with a backache if you do."

"I hate that word. Should. I should mind my health more. I should find a proper place to sleep. I should appease my work partners for everyone's sake. I should be nicer. Don't you think I'm already nice enough?"

Jihyun chuckled wistfully. "By your standards you are."

You lowered your arm and found him looking down at you, his turquoise hair falling languidly across his forehead. He was beautiful in the way the angels told in mythical legends were. All delicate angles and incandescent gleam even when doused with exhaustion. He had an air of perpetual sadness about him, almost as if it was his nature to be melancholic and other emotions were simply passing through.

Your heart twisted at the sight of him. "I know I'm not nice to you, I'm sorry."

"You're nice in your own way. You still came home to me."

"I give you so little."

"Yet it is all you can give, so I understand," Jihyun said. You gently held his cheek and he leaned into your touch by instinct. His eyelids fluttered close and he exhaled, sending shivers up the inside of your arm. "You give me this too. This is enough," he murmured.

There must be something more you could do. "Would you like it if I kiss you?"

"Can I kiss you instead?" Jihyun muttered against your wrist.

Making the first move was a way for him to assuage his guilt for always wanting more from you. Being on the receiving end discomforted him, so if he was the giver, then he couldn't be the beggar. It made him feel less pitiful begging for your attention, and you wanted to put him at ease however you could. All the better if it could also loosen your guilt for not giving him enough.

So you nodded.

At your cue, Jihyun trailed kisses along your inner arm and came up to your lips, placing an elbow outside your shoulder as he bent down to close the space between you. The lips pressing against yours were soft but desperate, kissing you with more force and fervour than he normally retained. He must have missed you, you thought. Though you were aching for more, wanting to arch your back to feel his body on you and to roam your hands free, you would not go further unless he did.

You ran your hands through Jihyun's hair and settled behind his neck. Without breaking the kiss, he swung one leg over and straddled you. His calloused painter fingers grazed the back of your ear and down your neck and collarbone. How many times had he touched you with an artist's delicate appreciation and given more than you had asked?

Yet you could never have enough.

A moan broke free from you as you gripped Jihyun down hard, tongue battling his as you locked your ankles around his hips. His movement grew more urgent, fingers shakily jerking your shirt buttons open before pulling your bra down. He sucked on your nipple while kneading your other breast, his breath harsh against your skin. He held on to you like you were his lifeline and explored your body like you were his. Sometimes, you liked to pretend that you were.

You slipped your hands beneath Jihyun's shirt, covering the planes of his back and the rungs of his spine, down to the waistband of his trousers. His bones were more defined than the last time you touched him, the dip between his ribcage and pelvis more pronounced. The guilt of you being the cause of his lost appetite was too agonising that you ground your hips against his, urging him to take more. Whatever he wanted at this moment you would give.

Your stunt elicited a groan from Jihyun. His hand skimmed down your stomach as he captured your mouth again, each kiss more fervent than before. Every touch of his sent out a line of fire in its wake, intensifying your need for him to plunge his fingers between your legs, to pull out screams from you that only he could. You raised your hips for him, his hand disappearing into your pants and rubbing circles on your clit—before he pulled away with a sudden gasp.

You instinctively chased for his mouth, lifting your head high enough that your foreheads touched. You cradled his jaw and searched his face, but he turned away, though it was not without extreme effort.

Jihyun was breathless when he spoke. "I can't do this to you."

You stared at him, incredulous. "Do what? Something that I want you to do to me?"

"I feel like I'm using you."

"Jihyun." You tipped your head back, your heart still pounding in your chest. "Does it matter if I want it just as much as I want you?"

"It does. I'm sorry, but it makes me feel perverse—like I'm hurting you." Jihyun hung his head low. "You overwhelm me sometimes."

You thought about how his careful passion was what came to your mind when you were in strangers' arms. How he denied himself from feeling pleasure through you, how that frustrated you yet it could never drive you away from him. You could feel the warmth vibrating from his body, his chest still heaving with need. You could smell the faint trace of tobacco that always seemed to linger around him. He overwhelmed you all the time.

"You can't hurt me if you mean well, and I know you do," you said.

Jihyun caressed your parted swollen lips. "I wish that were true."

It was impossible to get to the crux of him, to understand why he felt what he felt. A part of you thought it was unfair that despite his elusiveness, you could only feel your existence validated when you were with him. But here was someone so lovely that he would break himself to savour another day with you. You knew he would take every hurt you inflicted on him, but precisely for this reason that you wouldn't hurt him. He would just take it because he thought it was what he deserved. It made you want to fling yourself over the cliff, but even that you wouldn't do for he would simply follow in your footsteps.

"It's all right then," you reassured him with a smile. You knew how stubborn Jihyun could be, so you stopped trying to convince him. Satisfied, he moved to lie beside you while you rolled sideways to face him.

His eyes flitted to your exposed breasts and gently pulled your bra back up. "I'm sorry, that must have been uncomfortable."

You swatted his hands away when he tried to button your shirt. "Oh, leave it," you said, then reached out to twirl the vibrant strands of his hair. They were soft around your finger. "Your hair is growing longer."

He winced and combed through it self-consciously. "I'm overdue for a haircut."

"I wasn't complaining. You look good like this."

Jihyun seemed taken aback by the manner of someone who had never received such a compliment before. "Is that really how you think of me?"

"You are beautiful. Surely this isn't a surprise for you?"

"It does surprise me. I think of your opinion as sacred, for who am I to be regarded as highly by you? But selfishly, I want to believe you. I can feel your sincerity in your every word, and I want to cling to it," he confessed. "I didn't like myself until you liked me."

What a responsibility on your shoulders. Jihyun's entire worth and sense of belief hinged on someone as unworthy as you. Every time the conversation veered to a personal matter, it was like he pushed a camera up close to your feelings, feelings that you didn't want to pay attention to, feelings you would rather abandon than be overwhelmed with.

You opted for an ambiguous response. "I do like you," you allowed.

Once again, his eyebrows drooped and you could tell it wasn't a response that Jihyun hoped to hear. Why was it that you were this influential to his happiness? The more power you had over him, the more you feared it, but somehow even before you realised what you did, you had already done it to him. You had already broken him, and that broke you.

You lapsed into silence, flipping to your back and clasping your hands on your stomach. Staying at Jihyun's place felt a little like being suspended in time. The grandfather clock was still ticking, and the crickets outside were still chirping. When all the sounds were incessant, they ceased to be noticeable. When you kept doing the same thing, they gradually became meaningless.

That should be the case for everything, but every time you met Jihyun, you felt rejuvenated, new. It was as if he injected something vital into you and suddenly you knew how to be happy again. He didn't even have to do anything to make you better. Simply by existing, he made you solid. Perhaps his whole existence was to make you more of a human and less of a discardable pawn.

After a while, Jihyun propped himself up to his elbow. "Did you know," he asked, "that you're like a controversial artwork that always stirs up discussions because no one can quite figure you out? Even when you're with me, you feel abstract. Sometimes, I wonder if you're real."

You tilted your head sadly. "I feel like an unrealistic concept if you describe me like that."

"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you. I know you have feelings, but have you ever reserved any for me? I don't mind that you don't think of me often." You wanted to interrupt but he waved it away. "No, don't. You don't have to convince me otherwise. I know there's no right answer when it comes to you. I always feel like I'm doing things wrong, yet I can only feel right when I'm with you." He ducked his head. "I don't suppose I make much sense."

"No, I think you make too much sense," you said. Jihyun had crawled into the hollow of your ribs and made a living there without you knowing. It was equally fearsome and ridiculous. "How did you know that's what I'd been thinking too?"

"Did I? Perhaps we were made from the same soul."

"Nonsense. You're a better person than me."

Jihyun hummed while tracing a line down your nose. "Was I the first person you kissed tonight?"

You frowned at his train of thoughts that didn't seem to connect. "I thought you didn't want to hear hurtful things," you finally said.

"Then I'm no better," he stated. "I keep telling myself this isn't right, that I shouldn't be compelled to accept a loveless kiss from you, but when I see you like this, I can't help but feel greedy that only I get to see this honest part of you."

Loveless. It was one thing to deny the truth, but another to have the person you wanted to protect it from to have known all along. You did harbour some feelings for him, but you couldn't admit it was love. Love was not supposed to be this muddled and unsteady.

"Earlier I was abstract and now I'm honest? Do make up your mind," you attempted to tease him. "That person sounds exhausting to be liked."

"Don't worry. I'm doing all the hard work, so you just stay here." After a moment, he hesitated. "You do want to stay, don't you?"

You caught his finger and kissed it. "I come here almost every day, Jihyun."

"I'm constantly anxious that one day you will stop."

You knew what he expected you to say, that of course you wouldn't stop. That he was too dear for you to just quit on him. But how could you know what the future would hold if you couldn't even figure out your feelings towards him? Though you liked his company and the feeling of being liked by someone so full of devotion, how could you truly love him if he never even bared himself to you?

A lot of times, Jihyun felt more like a malleable clay than a person. He would say what he thought you wanted to hear and do what he thought you wanted him to do. He would become every other person on earth except his true self. Perhaps he could only be sure in himself if he was certain that you wouldn't leave, but you could only make up your mind if he could be firm with his. It was a special hell for a codependent pair.

"You'd do well without me," you told Jihyun, but before the words left your tongue, you already knew they wouldn't be true.

"Don't tell me you believe that."

You stared past his shoulders where the bookshelf mounted on the wall was crooked, weighted down by worn-out photography books. He still had art to turn to. Was what it that people say about artists? The more tortured they were, the more soul they could pour into their work? "It's more of a hope than a belief."

Jihyun's expression was stricken. "You hope to get rid of me?"

"No, you got it wrong." You briskly sat up. "Have you ever thought that the person you care about is better off without you? And yet—and yet, I don't want you to leave me." Your voice lowered with your admission. Honesty was what he wanted, so it was what you gave him now.

"Can't you see? I'd be hurting without you." He pulled himself up and sat facing you. "For better or for worse, you've enriched my life in ways that I can't do alone, so please don't leave. This is the one thing I will beg of you. Nothing else, just this." He clasped your hand in his chest, desperation seeping into his words. "If you can't bear to leave me, and I the same, then why should we try? We need each other. I'm fine with being tormented, but not if it means you would be suffering as well. I won't put myself through pain that puts you in more of it."

Jihyun had never demanded anything from you. He never thought he had the right, which made you feel worse for giving him less than he deserved. Nothing about you would ever be enough for his happiness. "You can get better people to fall in love with you out there," you whispered. "People who can actually fall in the first place."

"I don't need you to fall and injure yourself. You don't have to love me, just stay."

You gripped his shoulder. "Don't say that. I care about you too." You wished you could say you loved him, but it was the one word that you couldn't dislodge from your throat.

The smile Jihyun gave you was full of condolences. "All right, I'll believe you," he relented. He must think you were fooling yourself, and he was merely playing along to protect your blissful ignorance.

You knew then, that what you said didn't matter. Jihyun wouldn't believe he meant more to you than a simple passing attachment, that you still wished for his happiness above yours. But did it matter when he most likely felt the same? You never kidded yourself that it was love, but it was something, wasn't it? He made you feel less alone and you made him believe that his life was worth living, and that was enough to hold on to.

You buried your head into the crook of Jihyun's neck and he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms warm and safe around you. You did not want to let him go—not that he had any other place to be.

It was you, it was always you.

Moths to a flame, the both of you.

Footnotes:

This story is a concentric catch-22 where every layer of the story is cyclical and no one can get out.

Both sides harbour an unhealthy obsession for the other, hoping that they could love themselves through this idealisation.

Light-related descriptions regarding Jihyun, his physical home, and metaphorical home—which is the reader whom he sees as a part of him—are a motif for the "moths to the flame" idea. The same applies to the reader's flowery narrative. They are both the moth and the flame.

I kept asking myself "is this too mean?" when I wrote this because it's Jihyun and I don't want to make a Rika 2.0. I wanted to give him someone with a softer personality than how I tend to write my MCs, someone who truly wants the best for him but is helpless from getting better. Someone who loves him the way they know how without deluding themselves that this is healthy.

Reader romanticised Galatea from Greek mythology but my personal favourite is the version by Madeline Miller titled "Galatea" where she breaks away from the obsessive Pygmalion. If you like Greek myth retelling, you should give it a try.

#jihyun kim #jihyun x reader #jihyun x mc #mystic messenger jihyun #mystic messenger v #mystic messenger #mysme #jihyun kim angst #mystic messenger fanfiction #jihyun kim x you #mystic messenger imagines #mm #xela writes #jihyun kim smut #jihyun kim fic

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honey-buddha-kiss · 2 years

Text

HC’s on how the RFA & Saeran would react to MC being a fashion designer/someone who loves to sew

Kim Jihyun (V):

his mc wanted to challenge themselves by sketching out styles they usually didn’t use

they were thinking about nice and calm colors, but didn’t know how to get it on paper

they remembered v used to paint and asked him if he could teach them how to use watercolor

he was a little hesitant at first because he thought a professional would be better for them, but they insisted

during his break from selling his work, he’d be one of the many photographers taking pictures at mc’s fashion shows

FRONT ROW SEATS

he offered to be the photographer for some of mc’s photoshoots and the pictures he takes often make it to the cover page

let’s face it, he’s a genius

all of the models in mc’s fashion house that have worked with v have all said it was a great experience

mc is eternally grateful for his help

“Oh my gosh, Jihyun thank you so much. I love you I love you I love you” ;u;

sometimes he recites random poems to help mc think of new designs

he feels inspired by mc’s works and vice versa

they keep each other motivated during /artists/ block lol

Han Jumin:

mc had been quite busy lately and their maid had caught a cold

he had jaehee hire a temporary maid that would come the next day

so that evening, he was putting his and mc’s clothes away, but noticed mc didn’t have any tags on their clothes

he confronted mc when they got home and asked if they’d like the tags cut off for them whenever they got new clothes

for a moment mc was confused, but laughed and shook their head, telling him that they sew their own clothes

“Wait, then what about that dress you wore to the company party last month? I didn’t buy that one for you.”

“I made it myself.”

how had he not seen mc’s name in the list of the best designers he was given?????

makes mc his personal tailor

probably has them make Elizabeth 3rd clothes too

like cute little bows, booties, and dresses

mc even made the three of them matching outfits and they honestly looked like an adorable family omg /clenches heart/

“MC, how do you feel about creating a whole clothing line for cats?”

when he picked up cross-stitching as a hobby, he asked mc for advice

mc personally put the threads through the needles he planned to use

Kang Jaehee:

a bit surprised since around her, mc is always wearing casual, comfy clothes

she imagined designers dressing either formal and professionally or bold and colorful

sorry mc looked like a plain regular person like everybody else

mc does little things like repairing buttons and stitching up tears in her business attire and it just Warms. Her. Heart.

mc actually teaches jaehee the basics and they have fun sewing stuff together during their free-time

eventually when jaehee opens a café, mc surprises her with a bunch of wrapped gifts at the grand opening

flowers are overrated sorry

the boxes had table cloths, cleaning rags, oven mittens, aprons, curtains, and so much more all made by mc themselves

this darling almost cried

when did mc even have the spare time to sew all of these

it must’ve taken up so much time and energy

is forever grateful for the wonderful gift and all of mc’s hard work

Ryu Hyun (Zen):

one time he asked if they could design the costumes for one of the musicals he was starring in

the two of them would bounce off numerous ideas with one another, so the sketching phase wasn’t as stressful

he even tried sketching out a few designs himself

they had a bit of trouble choosing between ten, yes ten, different outfits because he LOOKS GOOD IN EVERYTHING

“Can’t you just wear all of them.”

“It’ll take too much time to change between scenes, plus the character doesn’t wear that many different outfits in this play. I’d love to wear all your designs though.”

zen wears the ones he doesn’t use in the musical, at home lol

not that mc minds tho cuz eye candy

he felt jealous when his mc had to take the other actors’ measurements and when they had costume fittings

he couldn’t help it. those guys were too close to them for his liking

he didn’t say anything about it, although he did get a little more clingy

enjoys being mc’s “mannequin” for sewing projects

“You can use me as your model any time!”

Choi Saeyoung (707):

he found out it was their career when he did the background check

would totally ask mc to sew outfits for cosplaying and his missions

when he notices mc stressing because of deadlines, he gives them silly and ridiculous ideas to make them laugh

is really helpful when mc needs to make important presentations for team meetings

he drew a few sketches in crayon and slipped them into one of mc’s folders lololol

at mc’s workplace, they were having a bad day and ended up bumping into one of their coworkers

mc happened to be holding some folders and a few of saeyoung’s sketches fell out

bending down to pick them back up, mc felt a smile tug at the corner of their lips

“Choi Saeyoung.”

uh oh mc’s holding his drawings and he panics

“MC, I’m so sorry. I was just joking around and-”

“Thank you.”

"What?"

HUGSSSSSSSSSSS and mc snuggles their face into his chest

O///////////O

error error Agent 707 has shut down

Choi Saeran:

one day, mc dragged him along with them to go out shopping for fabrics, threads, and all that

all the big bulks of fabric were making his nose itchy, but he didn’t mind if he was able to see mc happy

the elder ladies often pointed out how cute the two of them looked together and even teased them, asking when he was planning to propose

gaaaaah we’re just here to buy fabric

this precious marshmallow had this loving look in his eyes the entire time as he watched his precious squishy mc ramble on and on about different types of fabric, patterns, and colors

they sounded so cute and that little twinkle in their eyes had his heart racing

mc gave him a handkerchief as a gift before

it was a simple, white handkerchief with his initials and his favorite flower embroidered on one of the corners

it’s very special to him and he always makes sure not a single speck of dirt gets on it

Kim Yoosung:

when he finds out that mc is a famous designer, he starts to feel a little bit self-conscious about what he wears

he even debates on how he should style his hair, but mc reassures him that he looks fine just the way he is

when he doesn’t know if an outfit looks good or if he doesn’t know what to wear, he’d ask mc for advice

he loves it when they give him clothes that they had sewn as gifts

asks if mc could teach him how to sew and they start with hand-sewing

their apartment feels like a home ec class lmao

mc suggests they should start with sewing machines next

but yoosung's like nOPE sewing machines are for Professionals

tbh he’s just scared he might end up sewing his shirt and the fabric together and getting stuck

this little squish tried sewing a puppy stuffed animal for mc, but it turned out a little misshapen

he was too embarrassed to give it to them and hid it somewhere, but of course mc found it by accident and asked him what it was

he had no choice but to tell the truth. curse his luck hdhjshdj

mc thanks him and kisses him on the cheek

they now sleep with it whenever they go to bed, which makes yoosung kind of jealous lol

“MC why don’t you cuddle me instead?”

#mysme headcanons #mystic messenger headcanons #kim jihyun #han jumin #kang jaehee #ryu hyun #choi saeyoung #choi saeran #kim yoosung #mysme #mystic messenger #mysme hcs #mystic messenger hcs

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sheepsdreamworld · 1 year

Text

~ MYSMES CMC CHARACTER PROFILE ~

Full Name: Min Eunjoo

Name Meaning:

- Min: Cleverness

- Eun: Kindness, mercy, charity

- Joo: Precious

Nickname(s) and Why:

- Eunie (a shortened version of 'Eunjoo' - originating as a typo of Saeyoung Choi whilst laughing so strongly at something said in the chatroom that his hands shook. The name briefly became a playful tease, until settling as a very affectionate nickname for her. It's used almost only by Yoosung, Saeyoung and Zen.)

- Candyhead (by Saeyoung, inspired by her curly, 'cotton-candy-like', hair)

Age: 19

Birthday: 20th December

Gender: Female

Romantic and Sexual Orientation: Heteroromantic, demi-heterosexual

Nationality: South Korean

Languages Spoken: Korean (native)

Occupation: Freshman at SKY University, majoring in music theory and composition, but petrified of the inevitable aspect of performance.

~ ♡ ~

Height: 152 cm (5ft)

Build: Small and thin; frail, almost.

Skin Tone: Fair

Features:

Eyes - Although tenderly pink in colour, it is important to note that their appearance is innately startling.

Whilst the right is clear, bright and focused, the left is faded, glassy, partially closed and entirely blind. It moves independently, unable to look in unison with the other - forever slightly 'off', and forever an unsettling, mismatched gaze.

Nose - Long and thin

Smile - Although awkward, it is endearing, and surprisingly contagious.

Ears - Round and slightly prominent in shape. They tend to turn very pink when in cold weather, or simply when embarrassed.

Hair - Eunjoo's hair is jaw-length, naturally white, and often likened to a cloud for her soft-looking ringlet curls and how they bounce around her head and face when she moves, almost in every way imaginable.

Posture - Often hunched and with her head ducked when moving, standing and even sitting. This is attributed to not only her meek and unassuming nature, but her strong anxiety of being gawked at and 'pointed out' as an oddity amongst peers.

Gait - Depending on mood or situation, her speed can vary between a slow yet light, comfortable pace and a quickened, very anxious glide.

Typical Attire:

A lover of pastel colours, soft materials and comfort, Eunjoo's entire closet consists of hoodies, sweaters, fleeces and jackets, all of which are either plain or with gentle patterns. She wears sweatpants and jeans from time to time, but most often likes to wear comfy shorts, and in every weather, even bitter winter. Saeyoung Choi questions the safety and well-being of her poor knobbly knees.

In autumn and winter, she searches her messy bedroom until she finds the woollen hats, scarves and gloves which always seem to go missing as soon as winter ends, and her trusty sneakers are replaced with her pair of age-old boots and her beloved long overcoat.

Accessories:

- A pair of large circular glasses she must always wear, no matter how annoying. She does like their design, however, white with a pink rim.

- A straw sunhat or canvas bucket hat for the summer or particularly bright days. She loves these hats.

~ ♡ ~

~ FAMILY ~

Mother - Lee Ailiseu

Relationship - Unknown, absent.

Father - Min Seohyun

Relationship - Close and loving, yet somehow detached by the ever-present wall of his ambition and devotion to his growing company.

~ NON-FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS ~

- Kim Yoosung (first friend and unknowingly, is his crush)

- Choi Saeyoung (so-called comedy partner)

- Zen / Ryu Hyun (brother figure)

- Kang Jaehee (mother figure)

- Han Jumin (good-natured advisor with a side mission to convince her that dogs are, in fact, mightily imperior to cats.)

- V / Kim Jihyun (compassionate supporter, yet oddly elusive...)

- Ray...? (charming...)

~ ♡ ~

~ PERSONALITY ~

Temperament: Timid, passive

Most Common Mood: Anxious

Positive Traits:

- Kind

- Fair

- Considerate

- Loyal

- Devoted

- Compassionate

- Trustworthy

- Empathetic

- Helpful

Negative Traits:

- Sensitive

- Forgetful

- Cowardly

- Indecisive

- Hypervigilent

- Scatter-brained

- Clumsy

- Indiscreet

- Naive

Most Prominent Personality Trait: Kindness

Other Personality Info:

Although naturally very timid, Eunjoo is earnest, appreciative and genuine. Innocent is her demeanour in a single word; she is a sensitive soul with a pure heart, and struggles to take her own and others' emotions lightly.

Yet, by valuing feelings over logic in any dispute, she presents herself as one-sided - and even gullible, for consciously failing to accept other solutions.

However, and surprisingly, if she feels she must or even as an impulsive blurt, she will lie to cover her mistakes - to simply have her forgetful self seem productive; say if Jumin asked if she'd emailed a party guest, she might say yes if she hadn't at all, and then in a whirl of panic would catch up on the task. Or perhaps wouldn't. She might forget again. Jumin is known to probe her constantly with annoyed reminders to keep up with her duties, but in...a good-natured way.

Despite these rushed little lies, in difficult situations, Eunjoo will blatantly lie to protect her friends, excluding herself entirely.

In fact, in stark contrast to her passive nature, Eunjoo would not be the type to shrink away from sacrificing herself. But why would this need to be included in this profile, I wonder...

Talents/Hobbies: Music, a gifted pianist.

Biggest Fears:

- Social Isolation

- Being unwanted, unloved; feeling worthless to others.

Hopes/Wishes: Simply to love and be loved.

~ FAVOURITES ~

Favourite...

Possession: Her beloved electronic keyboard. It's almost purposefully not set up anywhere in particular in her apartment. It's on the move so often that it's comical - Eunjoo puts it in any and every room depending on her mood, or to rekindle inspiration for what to play. She longs to one day have her very own grand piano.

Person: An infuriating tie between Kim Yoosung and Choi Saeyoung -

Yet...

In another time and place...

Eunjoo may have no clear answer to this question - other than perhaps finding herself flustered, blushing, and wondering when would be the next she'd see her sweet...mint-eyed host...

Animal: Dogs

Food: Lollipops, cupcakes and chocolate

Flavour/Taste: Sweet

Pizza Toppings: Cheese. Just cheese.

Drink: Milk, oddly.

Colour: Pastel pink

Flower/Plant: Sweetpeas (kindheartedness, bliss and innocence)

Game Genre: Cute and caring (hundreds of hours have been spent farming, island-running and pet-keeping)

Movie Genre: Heart-warming, comedy, romance

Music Genre: Classical, occasional pop and acoustic.

Place: Her bedroom, specifically her bed.

Time of Day: Afternoon, and sometimes night.

Weather: Sunny

Season/Time of Year: Summer

Holiday: Christmas

~ ~ ~

Least Favourite...

Possession: Her weird set of talking kitchen scales.

Person: Strangers, anyone unknown - although she is only just uncomfortable.

Animal: Cats, rats, snakes, ostriches (shudder)

Food: Fish, soup

Flavour/Taste: Sour, spicy, honey

Pizza Toppings: Peppers, chillies, mushrooms.

Drink: Coffee (too strong and bitter) and energy drinks (she chokes ferociously on the fizziness)

Colour: Purple

Flower/Plant: The plants with weird but hilarious names. ('Eunie! What do you mean?! I thought you loved my herrieanus!' - Saeyoung Choi)

Game Genre: Horror

Movie Genre: Horror, suspense

Music Genre: Metal, rock

Place: Anywhere unknown.

Time of Day: None in particular

Weather: Rain and/or wind, stormy

Season/Time of Year: Winter

Holiday: New Year’s

Intelligence Level: High

Self-Confidence Level: Low

Self-Esteem Level: Extremely low

Optimist or Pessimist: Pessimist, no matter how much she tries to be positive.

Introvert or Extrovert: Highly introverted

Impulsive or Cautious: Cautious

Logical or Emotional: Emotional

Night Owl or Early Bird: Night Owl

Energy Level: Average, though rises or falls depending on situation.

General Sociability: Low

Sense of Humour: Vast, but silly and inoffensive - puerile jokes and slapstick will never not make her erupt with laughter.

Typical Sleep Routine: Awful

Skills: Efficient in organisation, planning, management and problem solving.

Handwriting: Messy

Memory: Good

Virtue Levels: (1-10)

Adventurousness: 1

Caring: 8

Confidence: 2

Co-Operation: 5

Courage: 3

Creativity: 8

Flexibility: 2

Generosity: 10

Honesty: 6

Loyalty: 9

Patience: 8

Perseverance: 9

Respect: 8

Responsibility: 5

Reliability: 7

Trust: 5

~ ♡ ~

~ BACKGROUND ~

Eunjoo believes she was odd from the moment she came into the world.

It was like she wasn't ready yet...and sometimes even in the present, she still feels like she isn't at all ready to face the world.

This is because Eunjoo was born far, far too early.

Months premature, her birth resulted with expected difficulties. Her eyes had not yet fully developed - they had not even opened yet in the womb.

Complete blindness was feared, but Eunjoo was blessed, her father claims, with only an impairment.

Her left eye is completely blind, and in the right, although with an average area of clear focus, she has no peripheral vision (sides/edges in the field of view), poor balance and near non-existent depth perception - she's unable to determine distance in how near or far something is, and is confused with changes in level. Eunjoo, for example, hates stairs, because if she looked down a flight, it would just...look like a floor with weird stripes across it.

She also has nystagmus, which is the involuntary and uncontrollable flickering/shaking of the eyes, which to anyone seeing for the first time can be startling, and even...disturbing.

When she was little, she never understood why people looked at her face so weirdly. Her loving father was always there to comfort her, but she never grew out of this feeling of shame - because it was a sense of hurt she was always reminded of, whenever she so much as glanced to a mirror. She is wordlessly and deeply embarrassed of herself.

And so, Eunjoo almost always wears sunglasses.

She needs them, anyway, to protect herself from the sun and its piercing rays...and excruciating artificial lights, which were everywhere...

They were both a 'cool accessory' and a disguise. They allowed her to hide, and shrink away from gawks at her freaky, jittery eye.

As Eunjoo never knew her mother, her father was all she had as a child, and he doted on her. He fast became and continues to be her hero and her guardian - but over the years, somewhat began to slip.

Her sense of balance and security began to fall, as her father's ambition and business began to rise.

Cheolsook Min is the head of Min Counselling, a company which has become successful both nationally and internationally.

Her father's successful company made them constantly move, uprooted from place to place around the country - and ingraining in Eunjoo, never a 'forever' sense of stability.

No home ever stayed nor fit; no school, no place - no friends.

School...

She was picked on, bullied - of course she was. She was different and dissonant and crudely stuck out, like the frizz of her cloudy hair on a rainy day.

Middle school, high school - ever-changing prisons; escaping bullies only to be confronted by more, wherever she and her father moved next.

But they were quiet bullies, hidden bullies, who muttered about her under their breath - who deliberately nudged her left side when passing, who tapped her left shoulder, who clicked their fingers to the left of her face - and laughed.

It was all like a game.

And it was rather ironic, for her father to be the famous face associated with therapy and compassion, to be largely unaware of his daughter's anxieties.

All of these things culminated to the present.

For the past few months, Mr Min has been abroad, meeting with his company's international ties, by which leaving Eunjoo to live alone.

Well, she was a college student now.

She should be living alone now...shouldn't she? That was normal...

But before he left, of course, her father gave her easy lessons on how to do so - on...how to live - and also to peel her from her childhood and teenage cling of co-dependence.

She had always gripped to the life-line that was him, in order to live with ease. But this now was to change.

Room by room, her cramped apartment became nicely organised, and her kitchen even got (what she thought of as) a shiny makeover. High cupboards were kept to a minimum, and all cutlery, cups, mugs, plates, glasses, bowls and even cluttered utensils were all neatly arranged on shelves, easy cupboards, drawers.

But she continues to be scared of the microwave, oven, dishwasher...and - wherever the washing machine was.

Her father taught her as basically as he could, his crabby and reluctant daughter, how to clean and cook alone...and to face all of those accessible gadgets she hated.

Technology...

It was annoying and unnerving, like the horrible talking weighing scales which lived in a corner countertop of her tiny kitchen, and its stiff robotic voice which still weirded her out.

Saeyoung kept offering to be its new star voice, but she refused each time with laughter, because that would be even...weirder.

''Ah! You have summoned me for service! Oh, yes. The Spectacular 7-0-7! Your favourite kitchen appliance!' Isn't that perfect?'

'No! I'd - never be able to cook with a straight face!'

'That's the point! Cooking is meant to be fun ~!'

~ ♡ ~

~ BEHAVIOUR ~

When...

In Public/Around Strangers: Eunjoo never sticks around any longer than she would ever need to be. She rushes each place and back again, forever trying to move as invisibly as possible - though she knows that it would never happen.

Of course people would want to approach her...and ask if she needed help - she was a slight-looking girl, who used a white cane.

They were always kind, well-meaning people, but the awkwardness of rapidly assuring she was okay (even though she more often than not, was not), her deep, burning blushes of embarrassment were painful...every time.

In Private: Totally relaxed. Eunjoo's apartment is her safe place and sanctuary. She is free to do whatever she likes, be it playing on her little keyboard, wandering her apartment whilst mumblingly humming or singing to herself, watching videos on her phone of funny fails, baking cakes, puppies (and sending the odd photo of a cute puppy to Jumin to prove that they were so very cute)...and her favourite of all - babies farting.

Around Friends: Happy, playful and kind, although never losing her characteristic timidity. The RFA were her first friends, and she was always there, somewhere, in the chatrooms; for texts, calls. She was always, simply, on her phone.

She was devoted to them...they had her heart and soul.

?#%!?)#!@?? NO.

T@he RFA are not%#?(!permi?%@tted to/@/?*)@%#!have her hea#rt o?%r her s?&!%oul.

Only I am.

?#%!?)#!@??

When Happy: Big smiles and big blushes. Her face glows.

When Upset: Silent, distant, withdrawn, an inward lament which would fast be released with a long bout of tears.

When Scared: Freeze.

When Angry: Any build up of emotion fills Eunjoo with a trembling sensation, but anger wasn’t one she knew well. She would not explode, but simply burst into tears.

Flirting: Absolutely clueless to the matter - yet - the enthrallment of Eunjoo's shyness with the eagerness to befriend could be easily confused, to some, perhaps, as flirting. (COUGH Yoosung)

In Pain: Eunjoo often feels physical pain. Her poor depth perception makes her bump and into bang things every now and then - and she was no stranger to concentration-induced migraines, by the evil glaring blue light of her phone and laptop...both of which she used far too much.

In Love: Freeze in confusion and terror, because what...was this?

When Valued: Total disbelief - shocked to a silent stare with eyes as wide as moons. She would feel pure bafflement, and tears.

~ ~ ~

Role in Story: Main Character, Narrator

%#?(!Toy.

~ ~ ~

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mystic messenger oc #mystic messenger cmc #mysmes oc

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