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#like eve is alone in a mental sense in the start and she’s alone in a literal sense in the end
merevide · 7 months
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thinking about killing eve again. thinking about eve. and her inhabitions and how she was so repressed and unfulfilled and her only true escape from that was her extensive research into female assassins and through that and getting fired and then rehired she meets villanelle and they basically bring out the worst in each other obvi but that’s also kinda their best selves because all villanelle wants is to be understood and that’s also what eve wants but she denies and denies and denies and she basically keeps denying everything until it’s too late and she’s left alone, again, screaming out in the water.
#like this shit is tragic IF ONLY IT WAS WELL WRITTEN. my god#i haven’t even rewatched this show ever since the last episode aired how do i have all of this just stored away in my brain#eve is such a wasted character because she’s literally so interesting#and then they just kinda fuck it up because they couldn’t really commit to her and her desires#which is also reflected in the show through her character bc she denies and denies and denies until it’s too late#too late being villanelle ending up dead and villanelle was basically the personification of all of eve’s dark desires#like villanelle kinda fucked up her life and killed her best friend and hurt so many of the people eve loved#and eve still was in her orbit because. BECAUSE!!!!!#i’m literally ranting right now and i don’t even know why#like i could go on and on but none of u wanna hear that#like eve is alone in a mental sense in the start and she’s alone in a literal sense in the end#like lol. this isn’t even talking about the romantic aspects of it either#don’t even hit me with that their obsession went deeper than romance sit they wanted to fuck each other let’s get real#i kinda need a reboot of killing eve but with good writing all the way through#i dunno. i dunno why i’m even talking about this#like i’m gonna be 80 and still babbling about killing eve and toxic yuri madness in the nursery home#this show wasted literal years of my life i’m never gonna get back….#BLEGH. sick sick sick sick sick sick sick SICK#killing eve#my text
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seresinhangmanjake · 3 months
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The Favorite
dad!Jake "Hangman" Seresin x reader
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Summary: The Daggers meet your and Jake's baby girl for the first time and arguments over who will be her favorite aunt or uncle quickly follow.
Notes/Warnings: part of the Oh, Baby Universe, but can be read alone. Based on a suggestion from @tgmreader
Words: 1288
Between the ‘She’s like your clone, Jake,” from Nat, the ‘Is anyone else surprised Hangman beat us to the baby train?’ from Bob, and the offended ‘Wait, you two were hooking up and you didn’t tell me?’ from Javy, Jake is clearly exhausted. Not that he didn’t anticipate being worn out after introducing his daughter to his team, you both did, but the last forty-five minutes have far surpassed expectations.
Being confined in a room with the Daggers historically proves to have its drama—whether in the form of unnecessary argument or playful teasing—but with your new baby girl at the center of everyone's attention, drama has started to take on new meaning in the form of obsessively watching Eve as if she might start doing tricks or giving you both grief for not spilling every detail of your ‘sneaky, secret relationship’ before this moment. To your relief, though, they’ve steered clear of asking questions about your absence over the majority of the past year. They don’t push, knowing that information will be revealed with time.
“It’s just…” Mickey begins as his eyes snap back and forth from the baby to Jake, “...so weird.”
When you chuckle, Jake rolls his eyes. “It’s not weird,” he counters. 
“It’s pretty weird, man. You’re, like, a dad.”
“Lots of people are dads,” Jake says as he runs his knuckle down the cheek of the infant in your arms—his new little love. 
“Yea, but you’re the dad of Y/N’s baby.”
As Bradley snorts at the obvious, you look to Jake to check on the effect of Mickey’s unfiltered words. His eyes are on your face and you smile to soften the sudden twinge of uneasiness speckled amongst the various green flecks in his irises. 
Though Jake has expressed mental security in his place within the lives of you and your child, you fear what might occasionally be running through his mind. The last thing you want infecting his confidence is the consideration that maybe this situation is weird, that maybe he isn’t meant to be the father of your baby because he wasn’t intentionally chosen for that role. 
Eve wasn’t planned. You can’t change that. And the choices you made when you discovered your pregnancy are enough to have any man reasonably questioning himself. But there is no other man you want as your baby’s father. Jake is it. You’re pretty positive he was always meant to be it, because your brain refuses to picture another in his place. 
Jake’s stare breaks when Bradley starts to speak. “We all knew how these two felt about each other, even though they were doing nothing about it,” he says, shooting you and Jake a smirk so quick it’s barely acknowledged before he looks back to the group of pilots. “I promise you guys, once it fully sinks in, it won’t feel so wild that they accidentally made a tiny human.”
Nat’s head snaps up from Eve, but her finger remains wrapped in the infant’s smaller ones. “When, exactly, were you given enough time for it to sink in?” There is suspicion in her tone. Then her eyes go wide. “Did you already meet the baby?” she asks before turning to you and Jake. “Did Rooster meet her before the rest of us?”
As if sensing the shift in the room, Eve lets out a little whine and starts to wiggle in your hold. 
“Yes, Nat,” Bradley answers for you. You can feel the sass bubbling around him as his arms cross over his chest. “By a whole three days.”
“Three days matters,” she retorts. “It could be the difference that makes you Eve's favorite. The earlier the interaction, the better.”
“She’s only a few months old. You might still have a chance, Nat,” Reuben chimes from the sideline.
“Don’t bet on it,” Bradley snorts. His sass is so expertly conveyed you’re shocked his tongue doesn’t stick out to accompany his words. 
You’d scold him if not for the fact that these two often enjoy ruffling each other’s feathers when the opportunity arises. It’s all in good fun, but sometimes, depending on the topic, the teasing aspect goes over their heads. 
You suppose it’s flattering that being your child’s favorite is enough to cause a bit of an upset, but it’s wasted energy. Jake will be Eve’s favorite. The Father and The Favorite are not mutually exclusive, and you know in a room full of the people she loves most in the world, Eve will never fail to run straight into her father’s arms.
Nat, however, does not consider that inevitability as she carefully slips her finger from Eve’s to face the six-foot-tall brunet head-on. 
Jake mutters a curse, fingers rubbing across his forehead.
With his hands raised, Javy takes a step forward as if to prevent a physical altercation. “Alright, everybody take a breath,” he says. The winning, cocky grin that has tempted a woman or two or thirty is spread across his face. Then he points to himself. “I'm going to be the favorite. I'm her father's best friend.”
“I don't think that guarantees anything,” Bob says, only to receive a scowl in return.
It’s then that Mickey throws his own name onto the ballot. “You know, if we base this on entertainment value, she’ll obviously like me best. I’m the funniest.”
“Also the most irresponsible,” Reuben adds.
“What’s that got to do with it?”
“Um, everything,” Nat clarifies as Bob nods in agreement. “For one, you’ll never be the babysitter.”
“If you were the babysitter you’d need a babysitter,” Bradley chuckles, patting Mickey on the back. 
Bob clears his throat and pushes his glasses up his nose. “That is very true; it would be chaos. What baby Eve here could use is a calming presence, and that’s me, so–”
“I’m calm,” Reuben interjects, pulling a scoff out of Javy.
“You also come up with insane ideas that make everyone miserable,” Javy says. “What are you going to do, have the baby compete in challenges only to suffer through two hundred push-ups if she loses?” he asks. “I think that’s grounds for immediate disqualification.”
Reuben’s response is drowned out by the additions of each pilot arguing their case for favorite aunt or uncle, and you’re too drained from the last hour to attempt untangling voices.
Jake sighs and shakes his head before taking your hand in his and leading you out of the living room, up the stairs to where Eve sleeps. You’re thankful that, at some point, despite the noise filling the room where your friends remain, your little girl managed to fall asleep. As you place her in her crib, you glance at Jake. 
He’s sitting on the loveseat on the opposite side of the room, one hand running down his face, the other reaching out for you. When you take that hand, he pulls you onto his lap, shifting around until you’re comfortable with your back leaning against the armrest. A palm draws a lazy line of warmth up and down your leg.
“You’re a trouper, Honey,” he says, eyes unmoving from your knee.
You chuckle. “It could’ve been worse.”
“We should’ve done it one at a time; single-file line. The last thing I wanted was for you to be overwhelmed.”
Sitting a little straighter, you reach up to cup Jake’s cheek and guide his face toward yours. “Jake, I wasn’t overwhelmed. I’m fine and so is Eve,” you promise him. “Besides, they’re my friends, too. I knew what we were getting into.”
Jake leans into your touch before turning his head to kiss your palm. “They’re all crazy,” he says.
“Yes, but they’re ours,” you reply. Then you nudge your head in the direction of the crib. “And now hers.”
---
tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @djs8891 @shakespeareanwannabe @sailor-aviator @penguin876 @tgmavericklover @athenabarnes @emilyoflanternhill @wretchedmo @shanimallina87 @crowsreadsarahjmaas @mamachasesmayhem @sky2nd @jessicab1991 @rosedurin @averyhotchner @horseshoegirl @roosteraloha @b-bradshaw @memeorydotcom @ryiamarie @ateliefloresdaprimavera
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AITA for purposely violating boundaries that weren't communicated in order to test a friend?
My friend (32F) has this habit of bottling things up until she can't take it anymore, then blows up. It's a complete disaster. Anyway, I (27F) didn't know that until it happened. We had been friends for half a year, and she blew up at me for, idk 🤷‍♀️ to this day, I have no idea what she was mad about because she spoke very vaguely about what bothered her because she didn't even remember it, from the bits I comprehended, I assumed she was upset about my sense of humor, and wrote a whole AITA about that because she didn't previously mind my jokes at all and engaged with them. The final verdict was ESH, but does it matter if it turned out she's mad about something else?
Anyway, we made up but we set boundaries between us. One of her boundaries was not to joke like that in front of coworkers, but she said it was okay to do it in private. And I made her promise that she stops bottling things up and tell me immediately when somethings bothers her, because in many cases, turned out most of the things that upset her were misunderstandings. And in case it's not a misunderstanding, I need her to let me know so I can stop these behaviors.
Anyway, I knew some certain jokes bothered her, so I didn't make them again even if it was just the two of us, despite her supposedly being okay with it. Instead, I changed my sense of humor completely. I made sure not to use insults as a joke. Thing like, "you're going to drink milk, aren't you?" "If you bring milk to my counter I won't bill it" because she's lactose intolerant and keeps drinking milk and regretting it later. And things like "wear your seatbelt because if I get a ticket for it you're the one who's gonna pay it" (we carpool in my car)
However, since it was a misunderstanding and that the jokes themselves aren't exactly what upset her, I ended up making her mad again simply by interacting with her normally. She broke her promise by not communicating with me, however, this time I was very attentive of her reactions and body language that I started seeing patterns. I knew exactly how she laughs things off and starts joking around when she's in fact, angry. and I made a mental note of the things that made her react that way. They were things like, telling her I care about her, reminding her of things she forgot (without joking about how forgetful she is), asking her questions to understand her more as a person and attempt small talk, mundane things like that that I assume she took the wrong way. This continued on for 2 months.
Personally if she wanted me to stop, I will, even if I find nothing wrong with it, but I continued on purpose because I wanted her to communicate like she promised she would.I could theoretically be the one to communicate, but I refrained this time since I was already questioning if this friendship was worth it. It's tiring being the only one to communicate all the time, so I tested her by violating those "boundaries" to see if she was going to say something. Her last straw was when I told her I care about her health and she need to rest instead of waiting for me to finish my work by standing behind me, which bothered her, even though she complains about back pain after a long shift. To make things clear, she wasn't even standing behind me to talk with me or anything, she just did it for no reason when she was supposed to wait for me by the exit which has seats she could rest on. Apparently she insisted she was just waiting for me, which had me confused since she never did that before, and I asked her "why?" and she blew up at me for making her "sit alone" when she wanted to "talk with the girls" even though she never said that. She said she was just waiting for me? She could've explained and I would understand instead of lying and blaming me for not understanding what she wanted to do.
She ended up blowing up at me again because she "told me to stop these sort of things" even though she literally didn't and I was waiting for her to explain why she doesn't accept these behaviors, she was angry to the point of not wearing her seat belt 10 minutes prior getting home and opening the door before the car stopped to get out. Lucky for us it was nearly 2 AM and the street was empty, otherwise she would've caused a serious accident. The area she lives in is very dangerous to drive in and she admits that.
She never spoke to me again and I thought good riddance.
(Additional information: this friend is too attached to me, despite what this post might indicate. She's more interested in making this friendship work than I am, but isn't taking the initiative to communicate and expects me to magically read her mind. She avoid communication like the plague and blames me when things aren't working between us. That's why I made her promise to communicate with me in the first place, she could have refused but she didn't because i would end the friendship otherwise.)
TDLR: My friend promised to let me know if certain behaviors bothered her, but she didn't keep her promise. I picked up on what behaviors bother her becauseI learned how she pretends something doesn't bother her. But because I wanted her communicate, I didn't stop in order to test her but instead she ended up endagering our lives in her anger. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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drawlody · 13 days
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My list of Adam ships♡ n my opinion bout them (also fics rec :D)
Adam x Luicfer (Adamsapple/Duitarduck) 10/10
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Need i say more:)))??!?! started out as a "haha funny slip-up ship" to "hey they got really good angst potential". The friends/lovers to enemies to lovers is STRONG with this one n i am eating up everything i could found on ao3. Smth bout this macho-ass man finally getting to stay back n not take charge for once feel nice, also princess Adam supermacy wooooo. Whoever came up with the ship name i applaud u cause that's like a 3 layers name(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
It's not an Adamsapple fic without Adam having at least 1 mental breakdown n Lucifer have his guilt eating him alive:)))
Very fucked up torture but i swear it worth the pain:D The dove is so dead it start to rot so plz read the tags properly (plz check out the AngeliaDark other works too they got good shit)
This one have a splits so check out both the fics (beware the author have a skrewed sense of what is considered wholesome:))))
I didnt think a smut scene could be this sad
Adam x Lute (Guitarspear/Guardrock) 10/10
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Litteraly my first Hazbin ship, assholes in love is an underrated dynamic we desperately need more off:))) That with a dash of evil dude x loyal subordinate (which i havent seen since the Deathglare days) n opposite attract (look they have one main thing in common is that their extreme bloodthirst, other than that she's stricter than ur mom n he's lazier than the Sloth ring itself but that the beauty of it no? He convince her to chill tf out n not to burst a blood vessel, she keep him on track n make sure Sera dont come on their asses)
They're just being silly enabling each other terrible behaviour n i love that for them (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) Litteral besties i tell ya
Heavy non-con shit involving Val but Lute will revenge our boi i promised u that
Cool idea n they r just made for each other damn
First hazbin fic i read which is a really cool smut:D
Adam x Micheal (we need a ship name people ) (update: it's Songbird/Guitarhero) 10/10
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I like how we dont even got a proper comfirmation of Micheal design/personality yet the ship is here already ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ( im using the Nakariiale's design as a base here love their design)
Hit me with that rebound love x "u look like my ex so im using u as a replacement but ill fall for the real u eventually" x co-workers in heaven. I'm thinking smth along the line of "after Lucifer fucked off with Lilith, Micheal became Adam guardian angel n they just hang out" ya feel me here? (✿◕‿◕✿)
Shout out to Bloog_b for dragging me into this ship:DDD also im on the Adam x the archangels ship as a "gotcha" to Lucifer of sort. Like bitch u stole my wives imma steal your brotherS
Look it's Adamsapple endgame but trust me u will be feed well on this ( u know how good u gotta be for people to ditch the main ship?)
I'm giving yall 4 fics here cause i can only found 4 rn(._. )
this one is uhh non-con so beware
Micheal is indeed Adam guardian angel in this one:D
Adam x Eve (Flowertunes) 8/10
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I dont care what yall said they love each other throughout Eden n Earth , might have a falling out in heaven but that doesnt change the fact that they were once IN LOVE. Honestly why cant we just have a couple that have the same bright-eyed innocence like one another.I refuse to believe Eve like willingly cheat on Adam with malicious intent n all, simply she was indeed ''tricked'' or just not fully understand the sistuation, n Adam love her way too much to think that she would do that to him like Lilith. Hell the dude was heartbroken after L left , starting the abandonment issues, so he would have cling to Eve, doing everything so that he aint alone again, even if that mean leaving Eden
Honestly it pisses me off that the Adam/Eve tag on ao3 most of the time is just 1 dialouge between them back when Eve bit the apple n thats it no elaboration on the couple whatsoever >:(((
Lots of switcharoos
sinner eve woooo
look its hard trynna find a fic focusing on them ok?
Adam x St. Peter (Guitargreeter (bet ya didnt see that coming:))) 7/10
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Base on this fanfic alone Joe my dude u r on the path of becoming THE Adam crack-ship writer n i am here for this:)))) just so u wait this dude gonna whip out a AdamxNifty , AdamxHusk fic later on ( •̀ ω •́ )✧
From within the fic itself the ship its 2 bros in love with homophobia standing in the way >:( also when did we have a name?!?!?!?
I just like Adam x anyone in heaven alright:D like bro famous n he got that ancient rizz, u telling mr he cant bag a hottie or 2-100+ hmm?
Adam x Alastor (Angelicradio) 8/10
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I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ABOUT THEM THAT I SHIP I JUST DO φ(゜▽゜*)♪ i blame YOU honestly rn this ship is either Adam found Al after the fight n they make a deal or they're in heaven n they chillin this ship is confusing:D
They're angels on heaven
Adam gone back into eden n do shit differently
This is both Adam/Eve n Adam/Alastor kinda
Adam x Alastor x Lucifer (Angelicradioapple/ Charlie's dads (only me call them that lol)) 9/10
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''Hey Charlie u know how u r sad that your mother left? Wellllllll i got you 2 new dads suprise:DDDD''
Look 3 miserable men who hate each other + hell's greatest dad + my love for Dadam = Messy ass old men yaoi :DDDD n it work perfectly with Alastor Asexuality too!!! Like Adam n Lucifer could fuck each other brains out before Al joining in for the cuddles lol
Chaos ensue
Not exactly a love triangle but a love corner but hey we barely got food here :D
I cant believe how hot this shit is lol
Adam x Eve x Lilith x Lucifer (Eden poly/ applecore?) 8/10
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They could have been all married to each other(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ But as much as i go "OooOooo Poly yay'' i just cant vibe with EvexLucifer, like the cheating vibes is wayyyyyyyyy too much i just cant man . I mean with the interpetation that Lucifer came to Eden to hang out with the humans they all know eachother, they're a throuple yes but BUT when Eve came into the picture it was only with Adam n him only so the other 2 is ehhhh. Im fine with EvexLilith cause im seeing it happening later, not hidden from Adam while LuciferxEve got that deception going on .So uhhh in this ship they're more like bestie than lovers to me¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also AdamxLilith is an underrated pairing like everytime i saw this applecore thing going on these 2 r at most tolerate each other like cmonnnnn we already twist this to hell n back, why cant we make it so their arguement was a petty non-malicious one n they still cares for each other hmm???
They're one happy family
IDK what to tell u bittersweet reunion n loving family is the only typa fic u get with this ship
Not that im complaining i need this wholesomeness
Adam x Mammon (Adammon/Madam/Greedyguitar/ 1st chirstmas.... hasnt had an offical name yet) 10/10
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They r litteraly same person different font idk what to tell u. More insults thrown around than Guitarspear but they're pretty similar. Adam is just " sinners suck ass but this dude is the worst in the best way". Also they're both big bois (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ , they love towering over others
I'm sorry but there r barely BARELY
any fics of them :(
The art side is more plentiful tho :D
Adam x Angel Dust (Holydust/guitardust) 5/10
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THEY ARE BESTIES YOUR HONOUR n that the exact reason why i cant see them be together as a couple 100%, like the shit-talking bff vibes r wayyyy too strong XD Angel finally got someone who have the same vulgar humour as him n if Adam got married in hell Angel would 100% be his best bitch of honour (≧∀≦)ゞq(≧▽≦q)
They're best friends who have casual no-string attached sex that is ACTUALLY no-string attached:)))
I came to ship them due to those "What if they're co-workers under Val' scenarios ive been seeing on Tumblr
I got like 1 fic on ao3 i mean if u r looking for just platonic friendship between them then rest asure most Adam's redemption fics have that
I got 1 fic on tumblr
Adam x Charlie (Charadam/Guitarprincess) 5/10
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U know this ship give me a pretty bad first impression since a good chunk of the fics r either heavy non-con shit or lean wayyyyy to much into the daddy kink, ya know how Charlie got suppose daddy issues n all that jazz?:))) yeah that... that
But after seeing the art side of this ship im chillin with them now, since the art r pretty wholesome, usually having them decked out in punk-rock clothings hanging out. It's a big "Fuck you" to Lucifer n i live for these mf argueing ╰(*°▽°*)╯
So uhhh stay away from the fics if ya want an actual functional couple instead of wtv messed up shit we got there:))) But here's a fic anyway, the only one where it feel bearable n actual trynna go into said messed up relationship i already warn you
We got cracks like Guitarmaid (AdamxNifty), Valadam (AdamxVal) which i dont have enough materials to decied, Classicalrock (AdamxSera) sound interesting but also havent found anything , Guitarhalo (AdamxEmily) is an unexpected find, find i deem them to be more familial than romantic so we'll see if there's a fic good enough to convince me
Edit:i forgot to add Blitzo like Mammon already there why did i forgot
Adam x Blitzo (i dont think anyone even ship this but me:)) 7/10
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I cant find a single fic where they has anything more than a 1 nightstand n 1 interaction where they hit it off , i live off imagination alone (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) but like fr fr they would match so well, like their bloodlust n general jerkiness would make them the 3rd asshole x asshole ship on this list :DDDD
Tho as much as i wanna see them go further i feel like an on-n-off relationship/friends with benefits fit em more ya know ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰) If ya have any fic but the 2 here that have them interact lemme know cause a bitch need food :)
This is a lot of tag(._. )
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thethingswedotomorrow · 5 months
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Aziraphale and Crowley are both idiots, with a severe lack of common sense on any given day.
But these idiots were both tasked with watching and guiding the new humans God had created, for better or for worse. What they didn't realize was just how unprepared they both were for this task.
Before being sent out to Eden, they were BOTH given a crash course on the newest creatures, (humans??) roaming around the garden. Just the essentials, don't poke here, this does that, avoid this bit, this part leaks, etc.
Aziraphale's lesson was much more formal, only highlighting the parts of the humans that were deemed 'essential' by the Archangels
Having to sit through Gabriel explaining the purpose of a tongue for hours was enough to make anyone zone out, let alone a principality who had just been told that the place he was being sent to would be full of creatures that were filled with an odd combination of liquid at all times. Good Lord, how was he meant to protect these humans when they could explode at any time?
Aziraphale had checked out mentally by the time they started covering exactly what the eyebrows were for
Hell decided to take a more hands-on approach.
By hands-on, they meant having Dagon draw what they assumed a human might vaguely look like, and then explaining the best ways to torture the squiggly bits
Crowley spent most of the class trying to decide whether the drawing looked more like a horse or a soggy blanket crumpled into a pile
(Crowley had only recently learned about the 'horse' idea, and he was decidedly not impressed by them.)
(He could get behind this blanket idea, however. He'd have to check that one out in a few years.)
So once they'd both reached the Garden, and checked the place out for themselves, they both came to the same conclusion.
They had some SERIOUS questions about what was going on here
Naturally (and reluctantly for one of them), they gravitated towards each other. They both knew asking either of their sides would imply that they didn't pay attention to the classes. And neither of them wanted to have a repeat lesson, thank you.
"Ah, yes, hello, Crawley was it?"
"Obviously, still me. Be odd for me to be someone else, wouldn't it?"
"Yes, well. I was wondering..if you had..perhaps....noticed anything about these humans?"
"Noticed what? They're awfully boring. Told me 'get up there and make some trouble', but all they do is sleep and eat things and walk around. Made 'em trip a few times, but it got old by the 5th time around honestly."
"Well I don't think they're meant to do much more. If they were, then they would have. As is God's plan. Oh there is no need for dramatics Crawley."
It was at that point Crawley sighed VERY aggressively, flopped down onto a rather soft looking patch of grass, and looked up at Aziraphale.
"Was there a point here, Angel, or have you just come to preach?"
"I do wonder, however, if God was perhaps made aware of the issues in the hardware, as it were."
"What are you on about?"
"Yesterday, I saw Eve walking around, admiring all the plants and such. They really are truly beautiful, you know. Have you seen them yet?"
"Nah, haven't gotten over there yet. Mostly been hanging around on the rocks, very warm there. Why? What'd she do?"
"Well, she walked up to the flowers, and..then she just..sort of...." Aziraphale trails off, very hesitant about how to describe the situation.
"Sort of what?" Now Crowley is curious. Always been his downfall, that sort of thing.
"She just... she stuck her face into them."
"She WHAT?"
"Exactly! Stuck her face into them, no warning or anything. That poor, poor woman could have been killed. Who knows what those flowers will do to her tongue."
"HER WHAT?"
It was at this point that they both realized that they may not have gotten the same education on the humans and their anatomy.
"So, they aren't actually going to explode? Oh thank God."
"Well, I mean they could, I suppose. If you poked them enough, or shook them up really hard. Y'think we should try that?"
"Crawley, no."
Between both of them, they gathered enough information about the humans to have a general idea of what they should and shouldn't do to help them survive
(Crowley might enjoy watching them trip, but he's a Demon, not a monster. There'd be no point going and killing them right after they launch the whole program.)
It turned out that what they had gathered between Heaven and Hell was quite literally the bare minimum of human physiology.
They stuck together from then on, determined to find out everything they could about the humans.
The first time Eve sneezed after smelling the flowers, Aziraphale jumped up so quickly that he broke the rock he was using as a seat clean in half
Crawley and Aziraphale stood perfectly still on the wall, waiting for something else to happen.
All Eve did was sniff a bit and walk away.
Aziraphale turned to Crowley, eyes wide and full of terror. They both stared at each other for a few minutes before they both silently sat down, contemplating what they had assumed was a very near-miss explosion.
The next day, when Adam stepped into the pool of water at the edge of the Garden, the angel and demon watched with the utmost attention.
"D'ya think they can breathe in there?"
"In the water?"
"Yeah, those slimy things at the bottom seem to be doin' just fine without coming up top. Maybe the humans can do that too."
"Crawley, those are fish. The humans need the air to live. I think."
"Fiiiiiish? Fsh. Fiisssshhh. Nah, don't like that. Slimy things works better, who names these things? Was it you?"
"I'm afraid that was not my department, unfortunately. I like to think I would have gone with a different choice than 'fish', if I had any say in the names."
"Mm. He's been down there for a bit, yeah?"
"Who? Oh, him. Has he? Oh. Oh Lord, he has. Adam? Adam?"
One small miracle later, the humans and the non-humans had both learned that they did need the air to live.
The day Eve and Adam laughed together was a good day.
'What're they even laughin' at?" Crowley wiggles/walks* his way over to where Aziraphale is sat on the edge of the wall, watching the humans.
*He's still figuring out the whole leg thing, far too complicated if you ask him
"If I had to guess, I'd say they're laughing at the state of Adam."
"How'd he even get like that? Last I saw, he was running around near that pond, how's that happen? They were on your watch, Angel."
"Ah, while you went to look at the plants, he fell. Apparently when dirt and water mix, it becomes very sticky. Mud, I believe it's called."
"Blegh. Way to go Angel, I left for five minutes and you let him get all mud-ed. Looks awful, don't see why they're laughin'. They've always got somethin' stuck to em."
Despite his words, Crowley couldn't help but smile at the humans. Something so ridiculous and they stood there laughing at it, having all the time in the world to explore and find out new things.
Aziraphale noticed this, and smiled as well. Mostly because of the humans and how fond he was already of them
But also, at Crowley and a new type fondness for him, as well.
(Though it would take many, many years for him to admit that)
Crowley and Aziraphale sat and laughed, watching these new humans bumble around and laugh, being happy to just exist and discover everything there was to discover. If Crowley snuck glances at the angel while he was laughing, he'd never admit it.
Maybe tomorrow, Crowley thought, he'd see what the deal was with that big apple tree.
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boo8008 · 8 months
Text
Three Months - Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Fem!Reader Chapter 01: Quadriller
Prologue | Chapter 01: Quadriller | Chapter 02: Mince
Series Summery: Its been one year since The Bear's soft open, and with everything running smoothly, Carmen's lost in his thoughts, until the final table of the night is seated.
Warnings: angst | fluff | ghosting mention | mentions of suicide | language | mental health | pining | unrequited love????? | substances (alc & weed) | overdose | yelling | grief | descriptions of panic attacks | eventual smut | new writer trying to write good
Chapter Summery: Carmen arrives in New York, happy to get away from the disaster of one Berzatto Family Christmas. You and carmen however both seem to be too nervous to talk to each other…for now. 
Quadriller (v.) to make criss-cross lines on the surface of food, as part of food presentation
Word Count: 2,821
My Notes bb: I’m sorry its so late tonight but I kept going down rabbit holes on information about actual food journalism and I also noticed I have a habit of explaining a lot and putting in random details that I think are important or cool but again this is my first Fanfiction I'm actually sharing so feedback is welcome. I will tell you now that nothing much happens this chapter save for reader and Carmy being introduced, but I do have a plan on that front its just again I'm overthinking stuff lol. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!
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2019 (January) 
Carmen:
It was peaceful in the kitchen as Donna cooked over the stove, flipping pancakes and frying bacon as she smoked. Carmen, Natalie, and Mikey were sitting at the table as they all joked and talked about something or another. Donna placed the food on the table and they all dug in, each getting a small stack of pancakes and some bacon. Carmen was looking up at Mikey as he poured the syrup, laughing at whatever he was saying. 
As he looked down he was confused, written in syrup, “Fuck You Carmen” was on top of the pancakes. 
Carmen looked up feeling panicked, only to see the fork stuck atop the plate of cannoli. He looked around to see the far end of the table flipped over and a car that had crashed through the front room. Mikey was yelling at his mom and a horn was blaring, not loud enough to cover the infinite sounds of a million timers going off behind him, along with a smoke alarm. When he turned around to make them stop all he saw was black billowing smoke coming from the kitchen. 
Carmen jumped back to reality as the stewardess lightly shook him. Almost as soon as the plane lifted off the tarmac at Chicago O’Hare International Airport he was out like a light. He spent every second sense Christmas Eve beyond stressed and anxious. He was thankful Michelle and Stevie had agreed to let him come stay with them in New York after the new year. 
He hoped they hadn't changed their mind as he crossed into the baggage claim area, only to be greeted by Michelle and Stevie, who was holding a sign saying “BEAR-zatto” with a poorly done drawing of what Carmen thinks is a bear. He chuckled at the gaudy neon pink and glittery sign, happy they went so far as to let him come, let alone pick him up and make a sign.
“Oh there he is, Carmen!” Michelle called, waving him over after finally seeing him. “We were starting to think you bailed on us. How are you? How was your flight? Everything go okay?” She asked, now hugging him before pulling back to look at his face.
“Good, yea, fine, the flight was-the flight was good I slept through most of it,” Carmen said, still hazy with sleep as he rubbed the side of his face. 
“Glad to hear it! Beats our flight back. It felt like it was just crying babies and turbulence; couldn't sleep once,” Stevie chimed in, pulling Carm into an awkward side hug thanks to the just-barely-too-big-to-be-comfortable sign and Carmen’s duffle bag and backpack. An affirmative ‘hm’ was all Carmen could manage, unsure how to respond. Lucky for him, Michelle loves to talk and knew how to keep the conversation going.
“So which of these bags is yours?” she asked as the carousel began spinning and (somewhat violently) ejecting bags. “And how do you like your sign? Stevie’s friend made it; she's kinda like his family's Richie but a bit more-”
“Normal?” Stevie finished. 
“Exactly, yea, she thinks of that type of shit a lot,” Michelle continued. “She thought it would be a cute thing I guess, said something about how helpful it would be to find us sense we’d stick out and more welcoming than that one.” She gestured in the direction Carmy came from, where he passed a sign with standard corporate text that read ‘WELCOME TO NEW YORK’ and a flat drawing of the city. 
Carm was only half listening as Michelle raved on about how the girl did cutesy homemade things all the time and began to ponder why with Stevie, the two knowing the chatter didn’t really interest Carmy as more than background noise. He was on the lookout for his bag which held his prized knifes and chefs whites, just about everything else fit in his beat up duffle and backpack. He would have preferred to keep them with him at all times in an airport just to know they didn't get ruined or damaged in anyway during their transport. But he could also understand why the TSA would say to not bring knifes on a crowded, compact tube that floats in the sky. As soon as he spotted the black metallic cased bag carmen stepped and forward and grabbed it, checking the lock on the side as he stood next to his cousin. 
“Jesus Carmen what do you have in there, fucking launch codes?” Michelle asked, seeing the overprotective suitcase. 
“My knifes,” was all Carmen mumbled in response hoping it would do. Michelle just shook her head while Stevie nodded, both in disbelief at how weird he was about his tools.
“Anyways, as I was saying,” Michelle began, turning to lead the trio out to their car. “She's nice, and she's making us dinner tonight so don't be a dick. She's not a chef but god damn does she make a good baked chicken parm.”
You: 
Waking up already today felt nervous. You only had work and dinner with Stevie and Michelle and whoever-the-fuck that you couldn’t remember the name of right now but the thought of work was mixing with it. Having to meet new people was one thing that you saw as dreadful and anxiety inducing; who else could you need to talk to outside of work besides Stevie and Michelle? And having to schedule and deal with interviews with busy high end chefs was another thing. A thing where the problem mostly came when you tried to get things explained in simpler terms than the hoity-toity French or Italian words they chose. Sure you knew what quadriller was but not everyone knew what it meant. 
You could understand where they were coming from though in some cases. Mainly the Michelin star worthy ones who put so much pressure on themselves and the chefs under them to deliver perfection for an expensive dish made with the best ingredients. From what you could tell they mainly did it for the people that truly and deeply loved and enjoyed food and would save up to eat at such high end restaurants. It all led to them feeling drained at the end of the day, when the last thing they wanted to do was to explain something they knew so well they’d forgotten it was a name for something. 
Luckily today all you had to do was schedule and write a few more paragraphs on your Top Food Trends of 2018 article for your editor to see. You were still working on it and it needed a better name but that wasn't a priority right now, it was mainly getting the bulk of it done and written in words that were more than bullet points and shortened words. And you got off early enough that you had time to run home and hop through the shower before headed to the grocery store on your way to Stevie and Michelle’s. It was the first meal for the new year of your bi-weekly dinners and you knew they probably didn't have much to cook with sense getting back from their Chicago Christmas Trip. Normally Michelle would have stories about someone named Donna doing something crazy and while it was a little funny, when you gave it a seconds thought it made you sad for her family and her that she ended up the way she did. It was something you gotten drunk and emotional talking about with her and she could see your point but that's as much as you could remember of that conversation, besides asking her what the fuck seven fishes had to do with Christmas. 
You picked up all the ingredients you would need for chicken parmesan, garlic bread and a tub of gelato, Michelle always had some wine that would go perfectly with whatever pasta so you didn't worry about that. Hopefully the sign you made had gotten Michelle’s cousin’s attention and gotten them out of the airport in a timely manner before traffic hit so you could get a start on dinner as soon as you got there. They had given you a key a year ago so you could get in and start on dinner on days when they were running late, which was often, but you didn't mind as long as you got your fill on non-work related human interaction for the next two weeks. 
As you brought in your load of groceries, you saw you were right as far as the low-stocked kitchen. You connected to their bluetooth speakers and started a podcast you'd been meaning to catch up on and got to work. You'd comment on some parts to yourself and got lost in thought on the topic they were discussing and in no time you were putting almost everything in the oven, the bread could wait until 8 minuets before so it was al ready at the same time and the gelato was already in the freezer. 
It all seemed perfectly timed as your podcast ended and you were about to start another episode as you heard the front door open.
“God it smells so good!” you could hear Michelle call from the front door. You heard Stevie talking to someone and the sound of suitcase wheels and baggage moving through the front door. Michelle rounded the corner still in her coat and pulled you into a hug. “How are you? How was your week?”
“Fine, not a lot happening in the office so…” you trailed off as you hugged her back. “Got off early enough to shower before I got here.” She pulled back, finally taking off her coat as she headed towards the wine cabinet and Stevie rounded the corner with a beat up duffle bag slung over his shoulder and the neon pink sign you made. 
“Hey,” he greeted happily, followed by your name and as best a wave he could manage with a heavy duffle bag on him. “Let me put these down in the guest room and we’ll come actually say hi.” He jet pass the kitchen eager to get the bag off his shoulder and get his coat off and was quickly followed by the third person you still couldn't remember the name of. Cameron? Cory? Conner? Either way he gave you a vague nod of acknowledgement as he rushed pass you seemingly faster than Stevie. He had on a thick wool coat and a baseball cap, but besides that you didn't get a good look at him.
“So should we do the chianti or the pinot noir?” Michelle asked using her mocking tone on the fancy words, bringing your attention back to her as she held up the two bottles. 
“Chianti,” you chose. “I like the label more, its prettier.”
“That's one way to choose wine.” she said. She came back over to your side and pulled out the bottle opener as you grabbed the glasses. “Also I'm apologizing now if Carmen’s an asshole about dinner but it runs in the family.”
“Its cool, can’t be worse than Stephen…or you.”
“Oh fuck off,” she said with a smile, pouring the wine. “Who was he again?”
“The guy who wanted to be a ‘chef’ and narrated the whole time I made dinner and couldn't tell me what was wrong with the food besides ‘you just didn't do it right’,” you mocked his dumb voice as you remembered the date. “I mean I know I’m no Gordon Ramsey but I know what I’m doing in general.”
“Right that guy, Jesus your taste in people sucks,” she smiled as she slid the glass to you. 
“Yea yea,” you said, taking a sip of your wine as you looked at the timer on the oven and went to put the bread in the oven. “I’d rather have actual input from someone than that shit though.”
“What shit?” Stevie asked walking back into the kitchen, finally relieved of the duffle.
“Vague shit,” Michelle said, vaguely. 
“The best kind of shit,” Stevie pulled you into a hug as he finally said a proper hello to you. He turned some to the guy who entered earlier, Carmen you now knew. “This is Carmen, he's a chef, the one I was telling you about with the Noma and stuff.”
“Right, yea, hi,” you greeted, introducing yourself even though Stevie just did it for you, you'd cringe about it later. This is why you don't like meeting new people.
“Hi, your-your the journalist right?” Carmen stuck his hand out to shake yours, and now that he was right in front of you you got a good look at him. Crystalline blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that was all mess and curls, he looked tired and anxious. Even his clothing said so; a long sleeve white shirt pushed up to his elbows and jeans both of which seemed rumpled from the flight. You did take note of his tattoos, a snail on his forearm, and a Pyrex measuring cup with the world on the other, you saw on the hand shaking yours the SOU on his fingers.
“Yea food and stuff,” you said, bringing your attention back to his face. All around he was handsome but you could sense the same nerves you had on him. It was a relief when Stevie came back from putting his coat away asking how your Christmas was, saving you both from an awkward conversation. 
“Not bad,” you responded. “My parents went to Arkansas for family or whatever and said their sending me some stuff and I got to buy myself a nice dress and no one bothered me over the holiday, an all round a success in my book.”
Just then the oven went off, and you took up Carmen's mumbled offer to get the heavier pan with the chicken and pasta while you grabbed the bread and plates, deciding to come back for the utensils and cheese. Michelle took charge of hers and Carmen's glasses sitting them across from each other as Stevie took his own and the bottle. You had to admit, it felt nice with everyone helping. You came back to the table before realizing you left you own glass, and that you would be sitting next to Carmen and would definitely need it to talk to the stranger. 
Finally returning and looking to the table before sitting down you did one last check that everything was there; napkins, plates, forks all checked. The other three were already digging in as Michelle whispered something to carmen that sounded a lot like ‘don't be a dick’. You took one last second and turned on a relaxing playlist for the meal on a low volume and sat down.
“So,” you started. “How was your guys’s Christmas?”
“Shitty.”
“Awful.” 
Stevie just frowned and shook his head in response as the other two responded in unison.
“That bad, huh?” you asked, finally serving yourself. Michelle avoided by chugging her wine and Carmen did the same by stuffing his mouth. 
“I think its better if we don't talk about it,” Stevie said breaking the silence.
The rest of the meal passed well enough though and everyone seemed to like the gelato with the meal. Carmen didn't talk much, too stuck in his own head thinking about how he had to start looking for a job ASAP. What didn't help were the thoughts of how pretty you looked when he walked in, and especially now that he was closer seated next to you. Your hair and dress styled perfectly with some better suited shoes for the slippery winter weather outside. He quickly talked himself out of pursuing anything with you though, having the small bit of sense to not bring you into his fucked up personal life full of anxiety and stress and pepto. He didn't even know what to say to you now. How would he know what to say on a date? He knew you knew something about food but wasn't sure what exactly it was you knew. What if it was just something to pay the bills and you didn't actually like being a journalist on food? There were too many unknowns for him to be comfortable with anything other than small agreements and answers that were as short as possible whenever he was asked something, and he noticed you doing the same thing. 
You did your best to not be awkward with Carmen but you both had a wall put up to keep the newcomer out. If it weren't for Stevie and Michelle talking about their plane rides and new years eve stories your pretty sure it would be silent between the two of you. They tried to get you both involved but it was clear enough that wasn't going to happen… not tonight at least.
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hlficlibrary · 1 year
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HL FIC LIBRARY ✤ AUTHOR REC
AO3: we_are_the_same
Tumblr: @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed
STATS:
✤ Number of fics: 81
✤ Posting Since: 2012
TOP 5 FICS:
1️⃣ you've set my soul to dreaming (T, 9k)
At first, when Harry wakes up on Christmas Morning with a warm body in his bed he wonders if he pulled someone last night. He’d met some friends at the pub, none of them really having anyone to spend Christmas Eve with, and he knows he might’ve had a few drinks to numb the loneliness for a while, but he didn’t think he got that drunk that he’d ended up pulling someone and forgetting all about it.
Or: Thirty year old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall.
2️⃣ room for your love underneath this tree (T, 11k)
“IwannameetHarryStyles,” Daisy mumbles, and Louis blinks.
“What?”
“She says she wants to meet Harry Styles.” Phoebe pipes up, and Louis blinks again, absently switches the camera to himself because he knows that his followers will want to catch his baffled expression.
“You-” he starts, and then stops himself, because he did tell her she could ask for anything she wanted, and how can he go back on his word and tell her that he doesn’t actually have the power to make that happen?
Because Harry Styles is -- he’s next level kind of famous. Louis has two million subscribers on his YouTube, but Harry has eighteen times as many followers on his Twitter alone. He’s had three number one hits in the last year, and his last album had charted at the top spot for a record breaking 27 weeks. He’s a singer, actor and philanthropist, and there is no way in hell that Louis can get him to come meet Daisy for Christmas.
So of course he laughs, even if it’s a little bit breathless, and nods at her. “One Harry Styles for Christmas, coming right up.”
3️⃣ some things fade (some never do) (T, 25k)
Matching tattoos. He’d never thought he’d be the type for tattoos to begin with, let alone matching or magical ones, but once Harry had put the idea in his mind it had never quite managed to disappear. And it had made sense. With their relationship a long distance one, this was simply another way of feeling close to one another. Of knowing where the other was, how they felt. It had made so much sense.
Back then.
Three years after their break up, Harry calls.
4️⃣ with no way out and a long way down (T, 31k)
Prince Harry is ten when he receives his soulmark.
5️⃣ In a sky full of stars, be my Northern lights (T, 13k)
It's one of those nights there's nothing on the telly that Louis absently scrolls through Tinder. After swiping left on a bunch of profiles he comes face to face with a picture that stops him in his tracks. The picture is..almost sweet. It’s a boy with brown curly hair, wearing a very low cut yellow blouse, paired with a black jacket. He’s got a smile on his face and his tongue sticking out, but it’s not in any way lewd or suggestive. He just looks like he’s having a good time, and something about the innocence of it has him swiping right rather than left.
He’s barely checked the other pictures on the boy's profile before Tinder confirms that he’s got a match. The shots are so different from the pictures Louis is used to on Tinder - half naked boys who are smoldering at the camera - that he can’t help but smile.
It quickly turns into a frown when he opens up the message he’s just received.
Harry: Hello! Harry: Thank you for swiping right Harry: I have a proposition for you
HIDDEN GEM:
💎 it's time to find your wings again (T, 12k)
The first reports are dismissed, as tall tales or folklore. As mental illness, poor Bathilda, she’d gone loopy. As people simply getting scared in the dark woods and seeing things, making things up. Magic isn’t real. Mythological creatures aren't real.
But then the first one is caught. A faun, that little Meg from around the corner swears has attacked her in the woods, and everyone comes to the marketplace to see the faun be hanged for its crimes. Louis doesn’t want to go, but at the same time, he finds himself unable to stay away. Not when this proves what he’s wanted to believe all along, that magic is real.
Louis is twenty when he starts working at the prison. His fascination for supernatural creatures had turned into something most closely resembling loathing over the years, due to the many stories of their evildoing, and although he still doesn’t believe in hanging them for their crimes, he does believe in keeping the town safe. In making sure that his siblings get to grow up without fear of being kidnapped or hurt. As the oldest son, it feels like his duty to make sure that no creature in the wide area will ever pose a threat to anyone.
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divinekangaroo · 5 months
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Love your fics so much. How do you think Tommy would have felt having sex with Lizzie for the first time as his wife in Arrow house?
They are so complex, and I have so many questions ☺️ Thank you.
Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate it!
It's a question I've thought about. I reckon he does that fateful 'first time under that roof where Grace once lived' without any particular fanfare, maybe even slightly absent-mindedly with their familiarity, and only realises after, oh, that was the first time. It's just a thing that happens. There's no sense of Lizzie taking Grace's place, they are two totally separate people and he doesn't have a hangup about that. I just don't see him thinking of them as overlapping in any way. (Lizzie probably has slightly more of a concern moving into Arrow, but it's more class and role based than Grace-focused.)
There are those tics he has around rooms/spaces: I do think he sets up a new master bedroom that's not the room he shared with Grace, nor is it the room he slept in alone after Grace.
Over time, I think the sex gets worse; this building cynical bitterness being in that house less to do with Lizzie and more to do with himself and the world he's now moving in. To try to maintain his mental state (his PTSD is sigificant at this point in time), I see him developing an almost compulsive mode of pushing himself to do these supposedly ordinary actions, like having a wife, and fucking a wife on a dutifully regular routine no matter how he feels about it, so life goes on and he doesn't sink, but it becomes so compulsive it's kinda obvious things are not normal.
The cynical bitterness in/for the house is not only about Grace, but the loss of that ~legitimate~ future he thought he (and she) might one day have; I think the events of S3 and that whole 'they'll never let us in' crushed any possible optimism of ever actually living in that house as he thought he might one day do, and the loss of Grace is part of that but not that in its entirety. He's bringing in his full armoury, and people were murdered on his property, his current wife keeps a gun in her bedside table, and he literally killed a man himself in his lower kitchen on Christmas Eve, and had to touch his own child minutes after. This act of now bringing in a once-prostitute as a wife is almost like this, cynical frame, but of course that's what a gangster would do, of course that's what I do in this house. These acts by which he will never live up to what that house was supposed to represent.
I kinda think during the sex itself, even when it starts getting bad for him, he just feels some mindless sort of familiarity and comfort from it being Lizzie and not someone random, this at least it's Lizzie because she knows me so I don't have to try so hard, and increasingly over time, can't get himself to put any interesting energy into it because that might expose other feelings or spiral into another uncontrolled PTSD breakdown.
I have a half-thought out fic for this move into Arrow/early post-marriage period, because Tommy was Not Well during the entire build up to the marriage that I wrote, but Lizzie's POV was completely engrossed in motherhood, casting Tommy as Saviour again, and Tommy himself was masking desperately around her (and to himself as well; forcing himself onwards with this sense of 'as long as I can keep moving and doing things it'll be all right'); Lizzie missed the cues. She only realises how bad he really is when she moves in to Arrow, and part of that is what happens to their sex life.
All of which is a long arc setup for his mental state at the start of S5.
I feel like, even when he's hallucinating Grace in S5, it's not about Lizzie, it's about his own impotence and just a massive sense of dread; threat and guilt and failure combining to suggest suicide (Grace-as-siren) is the most desirable choice right now. Sometimes the Grace hallucination is triggered by threat directed at/around Lizzie (Mosley in Tommy's office and their conversation about Mosley fucking Lizzie), but that seems more triggered by Tommy's impotence again, his inability to protect his wife or act as he woudl want to, rather than specifically any relationship/overlap in his mind between Grace and Lizzie. So a lot of this has informed my take that I just don't think he is overly concerned/bothered by what it might represent by bringing Lizzie into Arrow.
I also see Lizzie as this absolutely real-world grounded figure in his life. So Tommy is this symbolic thinker and sees his dead, has visions, walks through tunnels that may or may not exist; Lizzie is not, she has zero mystery or mysticism to her, so similarly this act of having sex with her at Arrow, bringing her into the house, all of it, never becomes the complex symbolic, heavy thing that, for example, having sex with Tatiana did.
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jawritter · 2 years
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Opposites Attract
Chapter 9
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Summary: Jensen’s held up his ‘family/good guy’ image for a long time. When that image is gone or threaten, then he’s forced to do something he really doesn’t want to do. Can he learn to love her before it’s too late, and can she forgive him for the way he’s treated her since the beginning?
Chapter Warnings:  Angst, Things are discussed, Could it be we find some common ground? 
Word Count: 3240
A/N: This fic is completely unbeta, so all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! Enjoy!
My Masterlist     Series Masterlist  
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The first thing that made sense to Y/N as she started to wake with the light of the morning filtering through the window, was the pounding headache probably brought on by the amount of wine she’d drank at the restaurant last night. Second was the fact that her mouth was so dry it felt as if it had somehow turned into the Sahara Desert overnight, again, most likely the wine. Last, but not least, was that she was alone in the bed. 
Now that she thought about it, she wasn’t sure that Jensen ever came to bed last night at all. He was the one that suggested that they share a bed after all, but it seemed he had chickened out. In fact, after their little fight at the restaurant, if you could call it that, they had had much more spectacular fights in their short time together, he’d barely said a word to her at all. He just changed silently into his pj’s after his shower, and then made his way to the living room area of the little home, and sat down alone in the dark on the couch. 
Y/N was so mentally and physically exhausted that she didn’t care much last night whether or not he came to bed. She just showered once he’d finished and fell face first on the side of the bed she’d designated as ‘her side’, and fell asleep hard. She didn’t remember feeling him ever join her in the bed last night at all now that she thought of it
She rolled herself over slowly, cracking one of her eyes as she pulled the covers far enough away from her face to look around the room, no Jensen, but he wasn’t far, the open door revealed him sitting on the same couch she’d left him on last night, a glass of what looked like whiskey in his hand, and his hair a mess. The clock on the wall told her that it wasn’t even ten in the morning yet and he was already drinking, great.
She laid back down into the cocoon of pillows and blankets around her with a huff, not ready to get out of bed and face him just yet. 
She really didn’t understand why he’d had the reaction he’d had last night to their little spat.  Maybe she’d gone too far when she’d threatened to leave him and go back to California, but honestly, who in their right mind would tolerate being treated the way he’d treated her? What did he expect from her? She’d gone a hell of a lot easier on him than he deserved, that was for sure, and she just wasn’t ready to accept his apology yet and sooth his ego, because honestly, he was going to have to prove just how sorry he was to her. Words at this point meant nothing. 
She was just about to give up on her stewing and drag herself out of bed to face the music when his phone rang, and she froze in place. 
Jensen signed heavily, apparently not very happy to see the person’s name on the other end of the screen, and swore under his breath, which made her chest tighten with fear of just what could be on the other line. 
“Hello,” his deep, whisky rough voice answered, Y/N strained to hear who was on the other end of the line, literally holding her breath. 
“Hey mom… Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”
Suddenly Y/N felt horrible for listening in on his conversation, and started to get up and out of bed, but she was afraid he’d see her and think she was Eve's dropping on purpose. Damn him for renting such a small house!!
“No,” he said after a pause. “We’re in Hawaii.”
Y/N remembered Jensen telling her that even his parents didn’t know where he was taking her, she guessed he wasn’t as big of a lair as she tagged him to be after all. 
“I don’t think so mom,” he said after a long moment. “I really have messed this up from the beginning. I don’t think there’s a way of fixing it.”
“Yeah, Yeah, I know that…”
Y/N didn’t want to lift the covers to check for sure, but she was almost sure she could hear his voice crack as if he were crying? Maybe it was just the fact that it was so early and he was already drinking that made his voice rough. Maybe she was overthinking things. Fuck she really did not want to invade his privacy this way, she felt like she’d already done that enough when she was forced on him the way she was, but she felt more and more trapped the longer the conversation went on. 
After a long pause of what Y/N was sure was Jensen’s mother lecturing him for whatever, good or bad because she could not hear to be certain, Jensen let out a long, deep breath, and cleared his throat. 
“I know, I’m going to try, but I can’t make anyone any promises… No, we haven’t, but an annulment is going to be completely up to her. I’m not going to make her stay with someone like me, but I’m not going to ask her to leave either. Maybe that’s a little bit of a dick move, but our choice has been taken away from us so much in this whole situation that I’m going to let her have this one.”
The lump that gathered in Y/N’s throat was so impressive that she almost had to cough before she could swallow again. 
He sounded so done, so defeated. She’d not heard this side of him before, even when he came home completely waisted and was so hung over the next day he spent most of the day hanging over the toilet. 
“If she decides to stay with me I’ll talk to her about it when we get home… Sure, I’ll let you know… Love you too.”
Y/N heard the phone drop to the table and Jensen sighed again as he sat back on the small loveseat. She knew she couldn’t hide away in the bed forever, so she waited a beat to make it look as if she wasn’t listening in on his phone call, and sat up slowly in the bed, with the movement his red rimmed eyes shot to her and back down to his lap as he started to chew on his lower lip and twisting his glass in his hand as if he were nervous. 
It took all the will power in her to stand up from that bed and make her way into the small living space where he was sitting. Not because she was afraid of him, not really, it was because she was afraid of the conversation that was surely coming. It was going to be a make or break, because if she decided to stay with him, then there was no going back for her, this was it, she was in it for life, especially if he held true to what he told his mother and didn’t file for the annulment himself. 
Looking at the man as she walked into the room and sat down in the small chair across from him, the glass coffee table sitting in between them like a battle line drawn, ready for one of them to look up and cross it, she was almost certain that if she walked out of her right now and never looked back, it would distroy him, or he would do something really stupid and distroy himself. Either way there was no good outcome for him. It was just something her gut was telling her. The man was ready to end it all if she left him. It was just something she just knew. Mentally, he wasn’t well. 
“We need to talk,” he said after a moment of silence passed between them, keeping his eyes low and twisting the empty crystal glass between his fingers. 
“Yeah, we do,” she agreed, “and this time let’s try to do it like adults and not like petty children or yelling at one another.”
Jensen nodded, but didn’t look up. Instead he just continued to speak mostly to his knees. It made him look so much smaller than she’d ever thought possible with such a tall, thick, brooding of a man. 
“I’m not going to apologize to you again for how I’ve acted, because every time I try to apologize to you we end up in another fight,” he stated as if he’d given this a lot of long thought. “I understand why you don’t want to forgive me, not that I ever really asked you too, and I understand why you don’t believe me. There’s nothing I can say or do to change that.” 
Y/N sat silently and watched as a range of emotions passed over his face before he looked out of the window, and ran a hand down his face before looking her in the eyes for the first time since she’d sat down. Then there it was again. That dark, soulless, shell of a person staring back at her just like it had the first day she’d met him in Mr. Carter’s office. 
“If you want to leave, I’ll book your flight back to LA and I’ll pay for the annulment once you’ve filed it,” he continued. “I’m not going to try and do anything to take you down or hurt your reputation. I’ll make sure that Mr. Carter gives you your job back, and I’ll pay for whatever collateral damage having been with me probably has caused. It’s solely my fault that we are even in this mess to begin with, so I’m the one that should take responsibility for it.” 
“And, if I choose to stay,” she asked in a small voice, and she was taken aback by the tears that formed in his eyes that he refused to let fall. It was the first real emotion that he’d shown since she’d met the man, even if he wasn’t looking at her again.
“I don’t understand why you would,” Jensen stated matter of factly with a confused expression on his face, “but I’m not going to twist your arm to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Okay,” Y/N nodded, taking the approach to this conversation that was probably more appropriate for a child than a grown man, but talking to Jensen this way always felt like a ticking time bomb, and if you stepped wrong or said somethting to set him off this conversation was going to go no where. “Well, my next question is, do you want me to stay?” 
“Why does it matter what I want?” Jensen inquired, turning his head slightly as he looked at her like she was nuts. 
“Just, humor me,” she said, face as stoney as his own. “Tell me the truth, do you want me to stay here, or do you want me to go back to California and file for an annulment?”
Jensen swallowed thickly, his eyes shifting nervously. She could tell by the look on his tired face this was not the direction he anticipated the conversation going when he started it. 
“I… I don’t really want you to leave,” he admitted reluctantly after a moment. 
Y/N nodded again, watching him as if he could explode at any moment. 
“And is that becau-”
“It’s not because I’d lose my career if that’s what you’re about to say,” Jensen interrupted, looking down and scratching at his hair harshly with his free hand. 
Y/N could tell he was getting irritated, and she didn’t want him to turn this into a fight, but she was really curious now as to why he wanted her to stay. It was certainly not the answer she’d been expecting. 
“Then, can you enlighten me? Because so far all I’ve got from you since I walked into Mr. Carter’s office is that you don’t want anything to do with me.”
Jensen nodded, a grim look on his face and just shook his head, clearly he was not done with this conversation already, but they kept dancing around one another and didn’t get things straight between them, then things were just going to get worse and worse between them, she knew that. So like it or not, if he wanted her to stay, he needed to level with her. 
“Did Mr. Carter tell you how you ended up with me?” Jensen questioned, searching her face as she sat there silently across from him. 
“Because you got caught with two randoms in a motel room,” she retorted, turning her head thoughtfully, “possibly ruining your reputation and your career.”
“Yeah, that’s what I did, but did he tell you why he chose you to marry me, and not any of the other fifty women in the office working that day?”
Y/N blinked in confusion, and Jensen snorted, shaking his head in disgust as he stood and made his way over to the small island that separated the living area from the kitchen where the whiskey bottle he’d been drinking from sat. Y/N wanted to call him out on the fact that it wasn’t even noon yet, but she knew better than to push him that far. 
“He said that the industry wanted me to marry, and these are his words, not mine, ‘under my league.’ Literally the girl next door makes the handsome actor fall for her, some Cinderella bullshit or something like that, and I promise you, I'm softening the blow here, he was not near as nice as I just said it,” Jensen said as he flopped back down on the small couch. 
Y/N swallowed thickly, blinking back the tears that suddenly wanted to spring forth without her permission. She had trusted and respected Mr. Carter. Learning this hurt, it hurt a lot, and she could tell by the look on Jensen’s face he wasn’t lying, not that he had a reason too. 
“Why are you telling me this?” Y/N asked, “What? Kick the dog while she’s down? What does that have to do with the reason you’d want me to stay?”
“I never said you were a dog,” Jensen corrected her. “He literally gave me no other choice. PR marriages are a thing in Hollywood, everyone knows it. Usually they pair you with another actor or someone else in the industry, but he said they literally wanted to ‘shake the Hollywood off of me’. It– made me so angry. They took my choice away. Our choice. They forced us into something that just…”
Jensen let his sentence trail off and closed his eyes as he tried to pull back his own emotions but failed miserably as a stray tear started to leak down his face before he looked her in the eye again. 
“I don’t really know why I want you to stay, and that’s the truth. But you did have a right to know what happened the day you walked into that office.”
Jensen reached up to run his hand down his face again, and this time she was paying attention as his shirt lifted slightly, revealing thin cuts along his inner bicep, and she instinctively reached for his arm for a better look, he jumped back as if she had tried to burn him, and she dropped her hand into her lap, pulling his shirt back down quickly. 
“Jensen, if this is even going to work at all, you’re going to have to start treating me like a human. You said it yourself, what I would really have to go back to in California if I did leave isn’t much better than what I have here. So I’m not going to go anywhere, but if you ever, and I mean EVER raise a hand to me again, I’m gone.”
Jensen nodded, before sitting his glass down on the coffee table between them with a shaky hand. 
“Have you slept at all?” she asked, watching his movements. 
“I laid down on the floor for a while, but I didn’t sleep really,” he admitted, his hand ideally going to up to rub his arm where she’d seen the cuts. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know how they got there, and for the first time she didn’t see him as a monster, but she saw him as someone who was hurting, and had been hurt, really REALLY bad. That didn’t excuse the way he’d treated her, but it did make her worry about just how deep this rabbit whole really went, or just how mentally he might be, and to scared to too stubborn to ask for help. 
“Jensen, you didn’t have to lay on the floor, you said we could share the bed, but if you didn’t want to sleep next to me then I probably could have made the couch work –”
“That’s not it,” Jensen said, “I just knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep and I didn’t see the point of keeping you awake and miserable with me.”
Y/N reached for him again, and Jensen flinched away before mumbling something that sounded like ‘sorry’, before standing to his feet. 
“Maybe I should try to go and lay down for a little while and get at least an hour of sleep, then if you want we can go for a walk down by the water just to get out of this little house for a little bit.”
Y/N nodded, and let him get up and make his way over to the only bed in the room. 
She didn’t want to feel sorry for him, she wanted to be mad at him, make him suffer, but maybe he was already suffering enough on his own without her help, and the scary part about it is she didn’t think there was a chance in hell he was going to let her pull him out. He’d gladly just drown. 
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andysorbit · 9 months
Note
I wanna ask, from a parents perspective is having kids young worth it?? I turn 25 soon and have been thinking about having kids before 30, it started recently as all my friends have kids already and it feels like I'm missing out on something. I have a great partner and a few cats but we both still feel that....void i guess?? Do you wish you had your daughter at an older age??
okay baby listen everyone is different and parenthood might work for you and it might not but I'm gonna talk to you right now about all of the reasons why I regret not waiting. this will be kinda long.
I was 23 when I got pregnant, 24 when my daughter was born. it was not planned and I barely knew the guy. like he was literally just a sneaky link and we both have a breeding kink so 1+1 = 3 in this case. I was already knocked up by our 3rd date (yes it's that bad but hey I fucked around and found out)
I was in a bad place when I met him (sad girl with daddy issues whose daddy just died that's a whole different side story tbh it never ends) and I deserved better but I was honestly just happy that someone was giving me attention. plus his dick was huge and he knew how to use it so it was like "maybe I can change him. maybe he'll realize I'm worth loving." again daddy issues.
now you're probably wondering why I'm oversharing all of this but it's gonna make sense by the time we come back full circle. I promise.
things went south after i got pregnant and in order to protect myself and my wee lil dew drop, I ghosted his ass.
so now pregnancy alone is its own little monster. my body changed a lot. I gained so much fkn weight that I didn't realize that I wasn't as big as i thought I was. my face shape is different (lowkey to the point where I don't even look at old photos because it will ruin my entire day and I will cry) my bladder is fucked. I went from a c cup to a triple d cup so bra shopping is hell, my back hurts most days from the sheer weight of having big tiddies and I truly hate them
now as far everything else, your time will never be yours again. any parent worth their salt is gonna catch some hell. I have anxiety so a lot of my time is spent wondering if I'm going to outlive her. my dad used to say that even when your kids grow up, you'll be wondering if something bad might happen to them that you could've prevented.
now I have a daughter and men are scary enough so like... yeah.
now I had my daughter in the middle of the pandemic. that paired with my anxiety, trauma from what her father put us both through, and my poor decision to use her as comfort instead of going to therapy made her clingy.
your mental health matters so much and of course none of us are perfect and mental health shouldn't completely dictate whether or not you become a parent but you need to be self aware and honest with yourself or you'll fuck that kid up and fuck yourself over. my daughter is clingy as fuck and even now, if I can get a half hour alone, I'm lucky.
I have adhd and I'm bad with time and organization so keeping on top of the house and getting to places on time is hard as hell. I also lost my social skills during the pandemic so if you struggle around people, remember you're gonna have to socialize your kid and for me, that's hard. don't like doctors appointments? You're gonna have to deal with it. don't like going out? get used to it. even down to small talk with random fkn people who think your kid is cute- get ready. I literally had a whole ass chat with some random lady on the train the other day because she thought my daughter was cute so we chatted about her grandkids. random chats with random people are inevitable and will happen sometimes multiple times a fkn day.
now as far as having a second parent, I can't tell you about that. I absolutely do wish I had her father around but I also wish I could trust him enough to share this beautiful chaos. since I can't, I have to do it alone. I have my village but a village can only do so much and the village can't ever truly fill that void.
now I think communication is important for you and your partner. you both need to do it for you. if you have family pressuring you, ignore them. don't let them pressure you into making such a big and final decision. you're bringing a life into the world, not putting up a Christmas tree.
out of my friend group, only one of my friends has a child and she felt like she was missing out because picture of my daughter gave her baby fever. she also has some regrets.
you and your partner need to really talk about that void you feel because a baby will not fill it. figure out where that emptiness is coming from and work on fixing it because a baby is going to feel great and make you proud and all of that but at the end of the day, that baby is a shitting, burping, farting, helpless little human that has their own destiny. their job isn't to fill that void. their job is to grow and thrive while you pour into them. you'll never fill a void when you're pouring into that child's life.
parenthood is beautiful. hearing my daughter tell me she loves me, cuddling her, hearing her pronounce words wrong, watching her eyes light up over things she likes- the list is infinite. the love is infinite but before you both take that leap, you need make sure you're happy with yourselves, happy with the changes that will come, and ultimately happy with the chaos because even with this long ass tangent I'm going on, there's still so much more beauty and madness and hard times. some days I love being a mom and I couldn't imagine being anything else. some days, I wish I wasn't a mom and I envy parents who just walk out and never look back.
I think I'm learning to just be in each moment but if you need any more help or someone to talk to, I'm here for you. I'm a huge believer that not everyone deserves children and a lot of the time I think I'm one of those people because I'll never be able to look my daughter in her face and honestly tell her that she was planned and that those were happy tears when I found out my pregnancy test was positive. I think I've redeemed myself? who knows maybe not but I feel like Gru and she's my little Agnes.
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brown-little-robin · 4 months
Note
OC asks:
Merx: 🐺 - How does this oc deal with solitude? AND 🌈 - Do you associate any colors with them?
Hestia: 🔅 - How does this oc deal with physical pain? AND 💭 - How is their mental health? Do they struggle with guilt or shame?
Rhea: ❗- What are the highest priorities to this oc (at a point in their life of your choosing)?
Malware: 🌕 - If this oc was an animal, what kind would they be?
Eve: 💛 - Are they ‘good with children’, or more awkward?
Shiva: 🐸 - What’s this oc’s sense of humor like? AND 🐰 - How huggable is this oc?
Grief: 🌨️ - If this oc had a day free from all their responsibilities, how would they spend it? AND 📓 - Do you associate any quotes or lyrics with this oc?
hiiii thanks!! good questions!
Merx: 🐺 - How does this oc deal with solitude? AND 🌈 - Do you associate any colors with them?
Solitude? In the short term, fairly well. As long as there's a set time when he can look forward to being with Hestia, he's okay. He needs time alone to recharge anyway. Dealing well with alone time is a requirement for becoming a spaceship! AND 🌈 I associate red-and-black with Merx, specifically because that's the color combination which on koi fish symbolizes feminine AND masculine qualities. Also I associate him with dark blue, but that's about his spaceship body.
Hestia: 🔅 - How does this oc deal with physical pain? AND 💭 - How is their mental health? Do they struggle with guilt or shame?
🔅 Hestia doesn't like physical pain. It sucks. She holds it together when she's doing anything public or she's in front of strangers, but once she's in private she pampers herself about it. Hestia rarely whines or complains, but Merx (and her bodyguards and friends) can tell when she's in pain because she starts, like, carrying around heat packs and taking long baths and drinking specialty tea and taking medication EXACTLY as often as recommended. AND 💭 Hestia's mental health is pretty good overall. Taking care of Merx does take its toll on her—his depressive episodes can be difficult. But she's got a lot of resilience! And she doesn't really have any issues with guilt or shame. She has done nothing wrong in her life <3 (this is not true, she just chooses not to dwell on her failings <3)
Rhea: ❗- What are the highest priorities to this oc (at a point in their life of your choosing)?
Empress Rhea's highest priority, in her old age, is to think of herself as a good person. Her first priority is to provide for her friends and family, and secondarily she cares for managing the empire in a way that keeps it running without breakdowns. She believes that goodness can only be achieved at an individual level, so she spends a lot of energy trying to be a good person rather than a good empress.
Malware: 🌕 - If this oc was an animal, what kind would they be?
Hmmm, maybe a weasel!! Too smart for its own good, random quick movements all the time, thievery, competitiveness, and an affectionate but sharp-toothed nature? YESSS okay that's Malware. A digital weasel. <333
Eve: 💛 - Are they ‘good with children’, or more awkward?
Mmm, the old-woman version of Eve who's with the spaceship crew is good with children! The other version of Eve, who is a disembodied mind in control of 1/4 of the military's robots, cringes away from children because she hardly has any positive interactions with ANYONE and if she sees a child that's probably bad. For the child.
Shiva: 🐸 - What’s this oc’s sense of humor like? AND 🐰 - How huggable is this oc?
Shiva will laugh at anything. His attitude toward life is one of humor; he doesn't take too many things seriously. He's easily impressed by puns and jokes. You can get a real belly laugh out of him for really good witticisms. He doesn't like mean-spirited humor, though :((( AND 🐰 hmmmmmm. in spirit, Shiva is the MOST huggable. however, in practice, he's constantly shapeshifting himself into spiky metal and back again, so it would be a big risk. and it gets worse when people touch him, so the most you can probably do is hold his hand for a while before his concentration slips and you get lightly stabbed.
Grief: 🌨️ - If this oc had a day free from all their responsibilities, how would they spend it? AND 📓 - Do you associate any quotes or lyrics with this oc?
He'd probably find something very relaxing and alone to do for the morning, like hanging out in a garden if he's on a planet. And then he'd hang out with his (mostly long-distance) friends in the afternoon/evening! He misses them so badly. AND 📓 yeah! "There's change coming once and for all / you makes the front page and then you is major news / tomorrow they'll see what we are / and sure as a star / we ain't come this far / to lose", the first lines of Once and for All, a song from Newsies! the Broadway Musical!
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erigold13261 · 1 year
Note
Anon who can’t draw here. Why do you think NSR and Psyconauts characters all look so queer(affectionate) and attractive? (Attractive as in top tier character design) i would like an opinion of an artist
Love you!
Well it all depends on the person looking I would say. Someone who is a bigot and likes these games would deny that any of them look queer. Others might say a character is horribly drawn if they aren't sexualized. And then some people sees a "bad" character design (one that seems to be universally hated) and still love it to bits.
However, I do think that a large portion of the eccentric-ism of each game, in both design form and storytelling form, is a huge factor of why "less normal" people like these games (so people who aren't cishet or neurotypical). Both games really play with shapes and colors along with darker topics (even if it's just implied). So already there will be a disproportionate amount of "not normal" people already in these fandom spaces.
That alone counts for a large portion of people seeing these characters as queer, which can affect the media as a whole as people who look up fanart/fic of these games are now seeing more queer headcanons or art that shows off things they didn't realize were subtly implied or referenced to in the game.
But also, with in-game reasons, I would say Psychonauts having a canonically gay couple does help make other characters look queer, or at least accepting of queerness (which helps people see those characters as some flavor of queer even if it's not fully implied or something). Then there's the fact that those games talk about mental illness, healing, getting support from your family, love, all things that a lot of queer and neurodivergent people want in media without it being made a joke or villainized. (Plus the added angst is something that really helps people connect and possibly project onto characters).
Similar reasons for NSR, where the game kinda promotes shipping in the sense of Sayu talking about love and May with 1010 (and all the retweets and shares from Metronomik being cool with ships) so already there will be people who ship queer relationships, which then get promoted by the game company, leading people to see this as a soft canon. And even though I think Eve is the only confirmed queer person (She's demisexual, but correct me if i'm wrong about the others being or not confirmed) there are still a lot of queer coding in these characters (one being Neon afraid to dance/not liking his body and wanting to make 1010 look more masculine, which can be seen as trans-coded, at least to me).
The story itself of NSR is also something that resonates with queer and neurodivergent people. It is about overcoming an oppressor, making amends with friends and family, learning how to communicate, dealing with mental illness as well. The story itself is a big factor of people liking this game, since gameplay can be lacking at times. The characters have depth but also allow for a LOT of manipulation in their story and behavior as they are not as fleshed out compared to like Psychonaut characters.
I am starting to lose focus. I probably have more to say about NSR but I'm gonna go into the design/visuals for now.
Design wise, the characters are unique. Psychonauts plays around with shapes really well, especially when constructing hair and facial proportions. And NSR, though a bit standard in how it presents bodies, still has unique silhouettes and character designs (especially with DJ and Mama), not to mention the colors are vibrant and not natural (psychonauts tries to stick in a more "realistic" color palette at least in the real world but still plays around with their colors).
So like, the attractiveness/top teir character design, comes from strong and unique proportions along with cohesive color design. Shape theory is also a really good thing that goes into character design. Like my favorite thing about NSR is how physically different Eve is, even though she is a human (supposedly) she is built differently to show how she feels like an outcast. And then you have characters like Helmut who, even though still fits in with the rest of the cast, is extremely big but still shows off how soft he can be instead of being intimidating with his size (also love the fact that he's probably the biggest extrovert and still has anxiety/panic attacks).
Even just the color of the characters is important. 1010 have super bright and saturated colors to them, but only one color each and black and white covers most of their body to give breathing room to their designs. As Sayu's phases progress, more and more colors appear, but all the colors are complimenting each other instead of fighting for dominance.
Looking just at Helmut, both mental world and character design. Lots of colors and shapes are being used, but nothing is fighting for dominance a lot of the time. You are still able to see where you need to go most of the time in the game, and Helmut's design has a breathing room for the eyes to rest on (such as the black of his coat and his face area).
So yeah, the combination of character design (visual and vocal) and the story really are the main contributing factors for a lot of these characters being well liked and either queer-coded or canonically queer. Hopefully this made sense, I basically just woke up so yeah lol.
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writersblockedx · 2 years
Text
Protector of the Party: Chapter 10
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Chapter Ten: A Sense of Normality 
PAIRING - Steve Harrington x Reader BASED OFF - 1x09 WARNINGS - Mentions of mental illness, suicide and death WORDS - 2.4K
Read on AO3 / Wattpad
Series Masterlist Masterlist
Y/n was nervous.
She didn't think she would get nervous anymore. It was as if defeating the Demogorgon and saving Will had sucked all the anxiety that fled through her body. But as she sat waiting outside an office of the lab, she was certain in the nerves she felt. Because, unlike most, this was how she was meant to be spending her Christmas Eve.
Her hands were gripping the files that were requested so hard that she thought she might break them if she weren't too careful. Alas, as the elevator door pinged and Chief Jim Hopper walked out, she relaxed. She stood from her chair and practically sprinted to the man. "You're late." Y/n stated rather sternly.
Hopper dragged the cig from his lips, "No I'm not." He looked to the office that was awaiting them, the name Sam Owens starring back at him. "It hasn't started yet." Y/n wanted to make the point that she had been waiting here alone for almost twenty minutes now, instead, Hopper was passing over an envelope. "You're welcome, by the way." He added.
The letter was addressed to her, with the Hawkins Police stamp in the bottom corner. Her brows became knitted as she glanced back up at the man. "What is it?"
"Open it and you'll see, won't you?" He answered.
Y/n did so, ripping the envelope open and scanning the letter.
Here at the Hawkins Police Station would like to offer you a internship....
Y/n felt her eyes light up as they jolted back up to Hopper. "You actually got me an internship?" She just had to check.
"Well, it's more of a contract. While you're working, you have to keep out of actually getting arrested. Alright, kid?" He explained. And while, yes, Y/n wasn't happy that maybe she wasn't able to get that extra cash anymore, this was what she asked for, what she had wanted to do.
She smiled, and held out her hand for him to take, shoving the letter in with the other files, "Alright." Hopper too grinned before shaking the hand of the girl.
That was when the office door, finally, opened and Owens dipped his head out into the hallway, hiding the dread behind his eyes. "You all ready?" And the nerves returned. Hopper noted the way the girl suddenly stiffened and the way her smile completely fell.
The man pressed a gentle palm to her back, "Yeah, let's get this over with." And so the two entered the office of doom.
Owens sat behind his desk, chest puffed out as his smug smile felt dripped in pride. Y/n was awkwardly seated next to Hopper, never seeming to meet the scientist's eyes. "I've constructed a sort of agreement, we can read over it. Then once it's signed, we'll hopefully never have to see each other again." He started with a forced grin that made Y/n feel like she might be sick.
"And what if we don't agree?" Questioned Hopper before taking another drag from his cig, stern in his eyes.
Owens shrugged, "Well, then we'll need to talk some more until we finally come to some sort of, deal, I guess." Y/n knew the lab had the power here. They always did. They had been sweeping things under the rug for years now; if they really wanted to, they could do the same to Y/n.
"I just want to know what happened to my mother. All of it." Y/n stated as her leg bounced in time with her anxious heart beat.
"And that is all here..." Owens patted a collection of files before meeting the girl's gaze. "And you can read these as much as you want, after this is signed."
The man pushed over two letters, two contracts. Hopper practically snatched it from the desk as he started reading, Y/n followed suit a little more calmly. She read over the words carefully, feeling as her gut sank letter by letter. From next to her, various scoffs and grunts were sounded from Hopper as he read on. He pushed the letter back down. "No."
Owens sighed, "These are our terms."
"I won't let you make this women out to be crazy." Hopper demanded as if that wasn't what most people already claimed her to be.
"Why don't we let the girl decide whether to sign or not, hm?" And then Y/n felt both pair of pupils turn to her. "Everything about your mother's abilities and all the tests outcomes are right here, and they're yours, if you want them to be." Y/n knew the way in which he was certainly twisting his words, but she'd be lying if she wasn't just slightly tempted.
Hopped scoffed once more from Y/n's side, "You want her, a teenager, to declare that her mother was un-fit in taking care of herself, and her child. And that you, the lab that killed her, was in fact the best thing for her." The man reiterated the letter as if it were a joke. "Oh, and to affirm that she committed suicide." He laughed.
Y/n felt water prick at her eyes as the air suddenly became thin. "Look, we just want to keep everything-"
Y/n cut Owens off as she led forward, grasped a pen and signed the contract. She let out an exhale that she didn't know she had been holding, leaning back in her chair. "Y/n-" Hopper was about to lecture her, but he barely even got another word out.
"She wouldn't want me wasting days or weeks or months trying to get you idiots to admit what you've done." Y/n started as she leant over the desk, taking the files that were hers before standing from her seat. "You are a selfish person who has no idea what your doing to people's lives."
Hopper didn't know what to do. But, at the end of the day, whether he agreed with it or not, this was her choice. So he too quickly signed his name and stood.
Y/n went to turn for the door, feeling the tears finally escape as she sought out the exit. Yet, still, she felt a pull to continue her piece. She debated leaving, but, for whatever reason, she glanced back at Owens. "You killed her!" The girl snapped. "And still you sit there with a smile and ask me to just, to sign the life she had away like she was just some nut case." Exactly like what they had done to Terry Ives. "I do hope now we never have to see each other again."
And with that, she made her escape.
Y/n felt like she was running as she made her way towards the elevator, hitting the button as Hopper joined her side. "You didn't have to sign, you know?" He told her.
The girl sniffled, attempting to hide the water that stained her cheeks. "I just want to forget about this, alright?" Maybe the idea of the Upside Down and the Demogorgon would always haunt her, but at least there was a certain comfort it that it was over now. In a few years, she hoped it would just become a passing thought. But, for now, she would do all in her power to push it as far away as she was able.
Hopper nodded as the elevator doors pinged and they entered, pressing for the ground floor. "Okay, kid." He glanced down at her, "You need a ride now?"
A small, yet certain, smile tugged at her lips as she met Hopper's eyes. "I do actually, yeah."
And that was how Hopper got roped into packing presents into the back seat of his truck, heading for the Wheeler's house.
He put on a front that he wasn't happy about such, but, in honesty, it was good to see a sense of normality surface once more. To celebrate Christmas without the fear of questioning where Will was, or what had happened to Y/n's mother. And, she supposed, things were some-what back to the way they had been before. I mean there were a few changes, she acquired an internship, an odd friendship with Nancy Wheeler and, well, shared trauma.
As Hopper pulled into the Wheeler's driveway, he was adamant that he dropped her off only. Of which, Y/n respected before scooping up all the presents and wondering to the front door.
The girl knocked, a sigh of relief following in that she hadn't dropped anything. And soon enough, the door opened and Nancy started back at her with an assumed expression. "Oh, God." She giggled as Y/n entered the home, dropping the bags of wrapping paper by her feet. "Really didn't expect you to be the holiday type."
Y/n shrugged as she glanced back at Nancy, "I thought we could probably boost morale after you know...almost dying." Holiday cheer just happened to be the way to do such. "I've actually got you something..." The girl trailed off as she rummaged through the bags before pulling out a small little square.
"You didn't have to." Nancy insisted as she took the gift, inspecting it a little.
"It's really more of a sentiment." Y/n said before watching as the girl unwrapped it, a velvet box starring back at her.
Nancy's brows her narrowed before flipping it open. Then she giggled. "Lovely sentiment, really." The girl picked at the bullet and held it up as it met the light.
"Just, maybe, don't show your parents." Y/n winked.
Just then, footsteps came rushing through the hallway from the basement: Johnathan Byers and his little brother Will. The young boy had a smile written into his expression which Y/n had yearned to seen again ever since they found his 'body' at Lover's Lake. "Hey, Y/n." Greeted Johnathan. "What are you doing here?"
Y/n gestured down to the serval gifts by her feet before glancing back up at him. "Spreading the Christmas cheer, obviously." The girl joked. "Which reminds me, Will." The young boy beamed as he knew what was to soon follow as Y/n shuffled through her bag. "As promise. Well, as Dustin promised you."
She pulled out a comic. Her X-men 134.
At that point, Will was practically glowing. "Really?" He gleamed with the brightest grin. Y/n nodded and passed it to the boy who was almost jumping on his feet.
Then Y/n looked to her best friend and handed him too a wrapped gift. "As always." She smiled as she passed him the familiar shaped rectangle.
The boy didn't even have to open it. Their Christmas gift was a tradition of great importance. Before Johnathan opened it, he rummaged from his jacket pocket, and pulled out a similar gift. "I got Will to pick some out as well." Said boy smiled next to his older brother, urging them as they unwrapped their gifts.
A mixtape. Both of them titled: Johnathan and Y/n's 1983 mix.
After saying thanks to one another, Y/n said her goodbyes to the brothers and Nancy as she went in search of her cousin - who was still bickering and playing with the rest of the party in Mike Wheeler's basement. Y/n didn't even dare venture downstairs. Instead, she lurked in the doorway and yelled, "Dustin!".
She didn't have to be down there to know his eyes had rolled, "Coming!" He shouted back, but it still took him at least 5 minutes before the boy wondered back upstairs.
"Took your time." Y/n commented as they made their way towards the front door.
"You would too if you had just beat Mike's campaign." He defended.
Y/n smiled just slightly, "So you won now, did you?" Dustin grinned a toothless grin that gave Y/n her answer.
"Henderson!" Called a voice as the two cousins lingered by the front door. Both of them, sharing a last name turned, but when they were faced with King Steve, Dustin knew it was certainly not for him.
Y/n felt her brow raise as she stepped towards him, meeting in the middle of the corridor. "Harrington." She greeted.
He started rushing around, searching his pockets for something and Y/n was quick to question where this was going. "I erm- I wanted to give you something." He returned with a photograph, glancing at it as if checking it was the right one and passed it over to Y/n. "It was in my room, tucked a way with a load of other childhood stuff. I was going to give it to you at the funeral, but I thought, I don't know..."
Y/n's mother started back at her. It was a photo around 8 years ago to the dot. A Christmas photo of herself, her mum and Steve after just sharing gifts which each other's family. She had completely forgotten about it.
As she glanced back up at Steve, she felt a pull like maybe the boy in front of her did, in fact, have a heart stuffed away somewhere. The pull was so strong that Y/n just so happened to throw her arms around the boy. Steve stood for a second. He certainly hadn't expected such reaction. But as the moment passed, he tucked his arms around her waist and let her hold on tightly. "Thanks, Stevie." She whispered against his neck.
"Of course." He replied before the two returned from one another.
Y/n took a step back and glanced to Steve, now a flicker of the boy she used to know from middle school. "I'll see you around." She said before coming back to Dustin's side.
"Yeah, have a good Christmas." Steve wished.
And with that, two cousins left the Wheeler house for their own. "What the hell was that about?" Asked a rather confused Dustin.
"None of your business."
But when Y/n came back home, entering her room, she instantly stuck Steve's photo by her mirror. She knew that every morning, everyday, she'd look to it and be reminded of the pull that she felt with Steve. Maybe it was a one off. Or maybe, it really was trying to tell her something.
The rest of that Christmas eve night was spent reading every paper in her mother's file. Every word, every test, ever observation. The girl read about all the abilities of her mother. From telepathy of entering and, what they called, constructing the mind, to the slight ability o foresight.
But what stood out to Y/n was one of the last statements of an observation:
Abilities may be passed through genetics, more testing to be done to confirm.
--
Taglist - @fanficfanatic204 @neverylee @myheartonthemove @satsuri3su @gobringmemyfood @yourpalheapass @andraimeide @notanordinaryprincess95 (Let me know whether you would like to be added or removed)
Chapter Eleven (Small Town News) to be published  Wednesday 8pm BST
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Rewriting Balan Wonderworld, part 1 of ???
Starting off I'd change that title immediately.
Balan Wonderland.
Main characters: Balan(im gonna call him Adam in the story randomly, no I cant tell you why yet), Emma and Leo.
Inhabitants: Iben Bia, Yuri, Cal and Cass. (I cherry picked them, I think we should have less folks clogging the story.)
Antagonist: Lance (duh) they'd be less human shaped more spooky smog.
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Plot line(starting scene): Balan has created two children to train so they may take his place one day. Two peices of his heart so that they will have the strength and show manship he has. Coincidently Emma had most of the fight in her and Leo had the showmanship.
He names his apprentices Emma and Leo because it's rare a creature has a true name in wonderland and it's a gift that gives them a true self.
Plotline(after start): Lance during a training session sneaks in the safe bounds of each guests isle, and begins filling the people with doubt and starts stealing them away one by one.
Emma was the first to sense something was wrong, she always had a keen sense for when something was wrong. One by one they all travel to find clues on what happened, along with balan taking in the reasons the people were here. Balan never tried to pry too hard into peoples stories, but today he had to so he could better sense them, a special talent. The downside to balan taking in the stories is it started draining him mentally.
One story of a child seeing their kitten get run over, another bullied in school, a young bride to be losing her parents on Christmas eve, and lastly a man torn up from grief having lost his wife to cancer.
The two young maestros work to finally figure out where to find the guests, they also learn about Lance. From the way lance sounded they sounded like a real evil man, they would even say as much to Balan.
Balan would simply state,
"They aren't evil, they don't have that sort of thinking. They aren't a person, they are not even a man. Lance is a concept they dont have a heart like people do."
Emma and Leo were confused by this and boldly state that balan isnt a human and neither are they, what made them different. Balan would pause then state,
"I'm not from here. I'm human, I was bound here to control Lance, my name is Adam. I'm a human and your a part of me, you are my family in a way... no you are family, your my siblings. We are humans that are magically infused."
This rattled the two children, they were really humans, a peice of one that was by chance blessed with life. They were even more shocked seeing balans true face, a dark skinned man with thick long dreads and those amber eyes like pools of honey.
After this realization they got down to business to save the humans- to save their kind.
When the battle was raged against lance it was seemingly hopeless, what could contain such depressive energy? Who could handle and contain all this pain this beast absorbed?
Balan- no, Adam stepped forth and embraced this beast and absorbed all this negativity, letting it all taint his pure heart. Lance held so much pain, eons and eons of human suffering all festering like a disease. Adam took it all inside him finally containing this scared animalistic thing. He looked back at his brother and sister and smiled, hed speak finally,
"I've been neglecting my duty... I think it's time I stop holding all these demons here alone huh?"
Adam would teach the children how to turn this horrible amalgam into something nice again. All the pain was turned to small Negatis and Tim's, sweet creatures for eating your pain and cheering you up. In a strange way these were Adam's babies there had to be hundreds forming from his body.
In the end lance way gone, and Adam was gone. But in a way they lived on in new roles they sorely missed the good of. Emma and Leo got given roles of Maestro and Maestra and sent the healed people home.
Ending: they story would then pan out of a book where Balan would be reading from it to two babies that were clearly Emma and Leo.
The End...
Comment below to tell me your thoughts on this rough draft.
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IN REGARDS TO BEAUTY & SEX APPEAL…
– Generally speaking, Rosaria doesn’t feel pretty. In her early childhood, she was told by her mother that she was as cute as a Disney princess, but Rosaria feels like everything changed when she hit puberty. When she looks in the mirror she feels like she has an awful face. There’s these outrageous big eyes, an enormous nose, and overly thick eyebrows.  She tries to shave and wax, but she really finds the process stressful and tedious. In her forties, Rosaria still doesn’t believe she has an attractive face: she just deals with it. And if someone happens to find her attractive? That’s wonderful.
– When Rosaria hit puberty Stefani unknowingly provided her youngest daughter with a lot of stress by telling her how to dress, how to style her hair, and how to get attention from boys. It was the exact same shit Stefani did with Sonia. It seemed to Rosaria that femininity equaled sex. This correlation was validated when Rosaria recognized her mother (and Sonia) were VERY sexual people which meant, to her, that SHE had to become a very sexual person at some point in her life. The idea overwhelmed her and made her nauseous because unlike Sonia who can play roles well, Rosaria can’t.
She tried to go to Sonia for sex-related questions as a teenager but Sonia would be very gross and humorous telling Rosie about her experiences. It further made Rosie want to stay abstinent. Sonia didn’t start having mature conversations about romance and sex with her younger sister until she was in college because that’s when actual boy problems began.
– Rosaria doesn’t own lingerie. All of her underwear is basic and fairly plain. She doesn’t own lingerie largely because she views lingerie as something to make women more attractive and sexy, and she’s not attractive so it would just be silly (and pointless) for her to own a pair or wear it underneath her clothes. She’s afraid of being questioned for wearing it or laughed at. This is a big contrast to someone like Eve who, upon living alone, wears lingerie (and cute underwear) for herself, because she likes the materials and feels pretty.
IN REGARDS TO SEX…
– Sex is a bit like food to Rosaria, if she had to make a comparison. Both things are enjoyable, both things are good for you (food gives you energy, and masturbation has health benefits) but Rosaria gets so wrapped up in doing other things that she can postpone eating just as she can postpone sex. It reflects how she has an intense focus and one-track mind to other things she finds important.  She’s the sort of person who would feel guilt having sex with a college boyfriend because it took time away from her studying.
– With that being said, she masturbates almost daily and actually owns a vibrator. Usually, after a stressful, nerve-wracking, or upsetting day, she does it before bed.
– She doesn’t instantly feel sexual attraction towards other people the ways others might. She acknowledges people are handsome or beautiful, yeah! But sexual attraction is something wholly different for her. Technically she’s a demisexual, and her attraction towards others always begins off mentally and is based on a combination of things: their look, their personality, and their intelligence on a topic of some sort. Intelligence doesn’t have to mean conventional or scholarly intellect, because a person like Ben could teach her everything he knows about stop-motion animation and she finds it sexy af because they’re so passionate about the topic. On the darker side, Rosaria is also attracted to people who are smarter than her in a scholarly sense. If they’re pretentious and rude that’s hot, too. Arguing/debating is a weird turn-on for her. She use to think she was furious at the person she was debating if their stances were totally different until she went to the bathroom and discovered she was wet. It was a horrifying experience.
– It turns her on when people she’s into tell her how beautiful she is, although it makes her embarrassed too. In the bedroom, Rosaria will convey her embarrassment through the following physical reactions: ‘blushing. covering her face/hiding her face in your neck while you’re inside of her. covering her own mouth if she feels like she’s moaning too loud.’
– She eventually finds that sending sexy text messages is fun if she’s at work. sure, she thinks, ‘what if this gets leaked? what if i accidentally send this to someone? what if a message goes off when I’m in a meeting??’ but that’s part of the fun. Not against sneaking away from work to have sex with her partner, but she is paranoid afterwards.
–Likes being edged, ate out, fingered, having her vibrator used on her. The most ‘humiliating’ thing Rosie is into is masturbating in front of her partner and being praised for it. This is easy for her to do since masturbation was already something she regularly did.
–Dislikes positions that require her on her knees because it makes her self-conscious. Abhors the idea of hair pulling and porn-level rough sex.
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raspberrygyus · 2 years
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❛❛ 𝗛𝗢𝗟𝗗 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗛 ❜❜ 22 Faint cradling of Christmas lights
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(don't forget to read the text portion at the bottom!)
Turned out one of the violinists had called in sick—was that even possible, Sunoo wasn’t sure. They knew that it was off-season for him, at least, and wanted to ask for a favour.
Just one performance, nothing more, they begged. We’ll even pay you handsomely, they added.
For a gifted violinist like Sunoo, it was never really about that money, but bills still need to be paid, and food still need to be bought.
He stared back at Y/N—who was still sitting on the bed—and made his way over to her so he could share the news with her. He wasn’t keen on leaving her behind in the apartment, and with the new development that he learned, he was more hesitant to accept the offer than before.
He wasn’t sure how she would take it, especially in such a fragile state.
“The local orchestral hall wants me to do a performance tomorrow,” he started, “because one of the original performers called in sick.”
Y/N didn’t look too persuaded on that matter.
“Oh…”
She knew she shouldn’t be too selfish, but there were parts of her that screamed that she should take her mental health into consideration and if that meant keeping the one good thing in her life close to her, perhaps she should.
On the other hand, she really didn’t feel like tying him down like this. Especially when he was so world-renowned and showing his face anywhere would garner him more exposure. Not to mention the amount of love he had for music, there was no reason for him not to accept.
“Does it…have to be you?”
Damn selfish self. She couldn’t help but lower her head as she spoke, hoping that she wouldn’t have to see the expression he had on his face.
When she looked back up at him, she was slightly shocked to see such a genuinely concerned look on his face. It was such a soft stare, and she wanted to cry.
“It doesn’t have to be me, I’m sure they’ll find someone else if I end up rejecting them,” he contemplated. “But…”
Maybe the decision had already been made in his head, she thought.
“It’s okay,” Y/N said, finally, “you should go, you’ll do wonderfully. Don’t let me stop you.”
She was caught off guard when he pulled her into his arms, and to her. However, regardless of her surprise, she wrapped her arms around him and fully buried herself into his embrace.
“I really don’t want to leave you alone, Y/N,” he said, wistfully, “I really do want to spend every waking moment with you.”
She leaned further into him, “I won’t go anywhere.”
“You promise?”
He felt her nod her head.
“I have no plans, and…I really don’t feel like going anywhere, so you don’t have to worry,” she said, after much thought.
When they finally pulled apart, she gave him a contented smile.
“It will be ok, I’ll get to watch you when they preview the show online, right? Most orchestras do, don’t they?”
He thought for a moment, then nodded. “Usually…”
The smile on her face only widened with his answer. “I won’t go anywhere, I’ll keep the doors and windows locked, I’ll stay here, and I won’t go anywhere. And then, when you come back, we can celebrate Christmas eve together with some hot cocoa, and spend the rest of the Christmas morning together.”
She leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his cheek.
“How does that sound?”
Damn, he really loved her so much.
“I love you, Y/N, so much, did you know that?”
She only smiled more.
Yes, everything will be ok.
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(The first two screenshots are in sunoo’s POV, the third one is in yn’s POV.)
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▾ SYNOPSIS y/n is a girl who lives a mundane life as a university student. however, things started to deviate from her sense of normalcy—gifts start arriving at her door, creepy messages bombard her phone, and the constant feeling that she's being watched. she enlists the help of her best friend, jake, and as time passes, both of them realize that this is the work of an obsessive stalker with a motive. time is running out and things are spiring out of control—will y/n be able to take back the life she once had?
Note: OHOHOHO. Please be prepared for the next chapter, it will pull at your heartstrings.
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