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xx-slug-xx · 4 months

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I’m really not sure who to send this to, because there’s no “one blog” to talk to about this. However, with you being a proship discourse blog, I figured it would be.. alright? The best choice? Not sure. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to say this, or you don’t want me to send you this.

(I’d appreciate it if this was posted so more people can see it)

I would make this my own separate post, but I’d rather not deal with people telling me horrible things in my inbox.

So.. I was an anti. Keyword was. I like to think of myself as a generally open-minded person, and I’m okay with most things that the internet deems weird or unacceptable. The ONLY REASON I was an anti is because of how antis twisted the meaning of the word “proship”.

I want no association with the group of people that actively send horrible, horrible things to people, all because they enjoy their fandom. Because I want no association with the people that think it’s okay to doxx and harass people over fandom.

I thought that proshippers were people that supported and were okay with “problematic” ships such as incest. I thought that proshippers were people that were okay with those ships being carried over to real life, or people that might be influenced by those types of ships to do those things in real life. I thought that proshippers were people that wouldn’t mind seeing similar content of real people.

While yes, some proshippers do like to consume content of “problematic” ships, I now realize that that isn’t the real term. It was just antis making the term “proship” associated with the word “pedophile” or “pro- (real) incest”.

Just one half-hour long scroll on the proship tag has made me change my opinion. Just THIRTY MINUTES.

I am now a proshipper myself, and don’t mind being called such. Would I consume content that I’m uncomfortable with? No. But do I respect those that do and leave them be? Yes. Do I support the ORIGINAL, UNCHANGED intentions behind the word proship? Absolutely.

If you are an anti yourself reading this- first of all, why are you in these tags in the first place?- second of all. The original meaning of “proship” is the golden rule. Taught in elementary school. Treat people how you want to be treated. And if you don’t like something, don’t interact with it. It is ultimately your fault if you are actively seeking out content that makes you uncomfortable.

Yeah I used to be an anti for the same exact reasons, Anon. You aren’t alone in your experience! :) I don’t like “problematic” fiction, and I stay away from that. But it’s not really my business if others DO like that type of thing, for ANY reason. Fiction doesn’t hurt people, groomers and other abusers are the ones who hurt people. Sure, someone can see things through a fictional medium that effects them negatively, but ultimately, it’s the choice to act on thoughts that makes the difference.

I keep this blog private from my other corners of the internet, for good reason. Antis can be dangerous and I don’t want to deal with that. And I don’t blame you for feeling the same way! You still should have a voice though, and feel like you are making some sort of difference :)))

#proship #profic #anti anti #profiction #comship #anti censorship #anti harassment #fandom discourse

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itsaship-literally · 1 year

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My god, this is going to sound SO silly but I NEED to vent or I'm going to explode.

Do not misunderstand me, I don't want to sound like one of those Beetlebabes haters who use age to complain about the ship even if it's meaningless, but seeing people EXPLICITLY sexualize underage Lydia is TRAUMATING to say the least.

Like, I'm not here to complain about these people because it would be very naive of me to think that they're going to stop because of me or any nonsense like that but... How do you guys usually deal with that? Really, I don't know what to do or think about the situation, I just know that it's bothering me a LOT. I know, I know, it's silly to care about it because I absolutely can't do anything about it, but it still hurts.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to exaggerate or anything, I don't mean to upset people either, but god, I feel so gross seeing this and at the same time I feel guilty for worrying too much or whatever… I saw that in yours blog you mention that you support ship in a sexual way when Lydia is older (Or something like that, forgive my poor memory), so how do you usually react/deal with this type of content? Or does it just not bother you?

I apologize for the outburst, but I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to have a nice experience in the fandom because of this... I just arrived, I don't want to leave because of this, but it's making it IMPOSSIBLE to enjoy. I feel like a dirty pedophile just for shipping, so I think seeing posts like this only makes it worse.

Um, anyway, I appreciate the attention :)

You know what, you bring up a good topic here. Before we start. I don't kink shame people because it's just not me. However! I had moments when I was younger (early 20's) that freaked me out when it came to over-sexualizing things (in my case it was bellydancers because that was my hobby at the time) but after a while, I sorta just stopped worrying about it because like you said, it won't change how people feel about their proclivities. The same goes for fandom. I ick after things too. (Example: the Dora the Explorer stuff. holy shit) Today, I learn that the best way to go about it is to not look for it. Don't seek the stuff that ick's ya. I don't much care for baby toon Lyds in adult situations but I can separate the idea that Lydia is an actual real person. I can take a story as just that. A story. As for art, I do not like Loli stuff. It's an ick for me. But I also don't judge a person for enjoying it. I would prefer to avoid it and I set my boundaries with my friends accordingly.

Back to Lydia in the Beetlejuice fandom!

Let's say you are a Shipper

Age of consent is a big deal for most here, including myself, but we are also realistic in the sense that many don't think that people give teens enough credit for their own biological functions. Let's take a step back to reality for a moment. 100%, It's not right for a real-life person to act on things like taking advantage of youth and naivete. However, it can not be dismissed that many people in their youth made choices based on their overactive hormones. I recall being one such teen where I allowed myself to act out in ways that, as an adult, I CRINGE at. To have Lydia as a 16-18 year-old act out with an undead creep feels plausible. Does everyone here feel that's a comfortable read? No, not at all. Many, like me, prefer to have an older, more informed Lydia make choices that work for her. Now about Beetlejuice. First off. He's a creep. If it's got tits or whatever suits his fancy, he's gonna jump on it. He's always been that way in media. Except with Lydia. His respect for her, and his treatment of her have always been different from other people. He'll probably take any advantage given to him and if his death was during a plague-riddled time then his view of human women could easily be skewed. Again it comes to how comfortable you are with his characterization. Do you want him chasing a 12-year-old, a 16-year-old, or an adult? Do you think he would go for body type? Do you think he would choose feelings over physical desires? Your best bet in navigating the whole Betelyds/Beetlebabes dynamic comes from understanding yourself. Are you confident in separating your choices in romance from alternate depictions? Do you prefer a more Ace approach of no romance/sexuality? Do you like a soft romance with no raunch? Do you want sexuality and passion in a more adult setting? Check with tags. Look for underage warnings. Talk to writers and artists to see what they do. Skim over or remove yourself from places that ick ya. Ask questions of yourself and others. There is no harm in discovering your boundaries and respecting those who have set theirs.

Now let's say you are a Friendshipper only.

You want Beej and Lyds to be pals with a slight affection for each other that defies a normal buddy pal. Maybe they have something that can't be defined as a friend but also not a romantic relationship. I like to consider this Babes Adjacent. They are not romantically linked but they are bonded. Soul mates without being physical mates. We have plenty of Babes who love friendship just as much. Some prefer to be called non-shippers, and others don't really care. They just wanna vibe. Some of them like Kid Lyds and her ghostly Boo. They support and care and protect each other like there is no tomorrow. It's painfully sweet and heartbreakingly loving. So many of us need that in our lives. Unconditional support and protection from things that make us hurt. In this case search for the & and not the / if you can. If folks are willing to send me art and fics where this bond is emphasized, I'd appreciate it. I admit I have a fear of finding a fic of someone who is gonna freak when they see my screen name and go "Noooooooo not a Beetlebabe!". That's a stress I don't enjoy. I just wanna vibe and watch these two dorks be happy with each other. Now to address your last fear, that you feel like a dirty p-word. All you gotta do is know where you stand on your attraction. It comes down to knowing yourself. Personally, I like an older man and older lady (Bi-mama here) but I don't shy away from stories with younger characters. I don't squick because I know my preferences are not reflected in getting lost in a story. With all the love and support I can send ya through the blog. Please don't feel ashamed for enjoying a ship (friendship or relationship). Just set your preferences and find your inner confidence. Stay polite to those who have different levels of shippiness. You can navigate the ship. I believe in you.

#ask reply #real talk #preferences #beetlebabes #beetlejuice #fandom stuff #Once in a while we need the real talk #ship and let ship

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torturedpoetemotions · 1 year

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@valleyg0th Like I said, answering this in a separate post because it's too long-winded for a reply and sort of off the topic of the original post. My comments and yours from that post above for reference.

Also, I'd like to preface this by saying that the ethical and moral considerations around RPS/RPF are massively nuanced and complicated, and something that I'm still working through myself. That being said, I do have some pretty hard and fast ideas about what ISN'T okay, which inform a lot of what I'm getting into below.

But first, I'd like to clarify my statement as it seems from your reply that it did not come across the way I intended. When I say "something Taylor has made it clear she doesn't want to be super public about" I'm not talking about her sexuality. I'm talking about her relationships in general.

She has made it very clear, repeatedly, over the years that she does not appreciate uninvited intrusions into her personal life. That's not really debatable at this point. She wants to be the one to choose what and when and how her personal life is shared with the world. If she has ever asked for anything, anything at all, it's that.

That's part one of why I find the constant spreading and debate and speculation over these still-unconfirmed break-up rumors so distasteful, particularly from people who claim to love Taylor.

Part two of why I find it so distasteful is the way so many people are celebrating this breakup rumor because it validates their theories about Taylor's sexuality, rejoicing that she's "gotten rid of her beard" and such. That's gross regardless of what you think her sexuality is. If people were on here going "oh yay she broke up with Joe this is how Haylor can still win" I would find that despicable, too.

I'm not particularly invested in any of Taylor's relationships beyond being happy that she's happy, but I do participate and get invested heavily in RPS/RPF in other fandoms, and the keys to respectful RPS/RPF are pretty clear, whether the ship in question is het or queer.

1. You do not demonize, villainize, or harass the real life significant others of the people your ship concerns. (It's also generally considered distasteful to float or perpetuate rumors or conspiracy theories about the relationship being fake or forced, but the bare minimum is you don't make whatever you think about the relationship that SO's problem.)

2. You do not involve or bother the children of the people your ship concerns in any way, ever.

3. You do not ever, ever, EVER put your shipping or associated material (i.e. fics, fanart, theorizing, tinhatting) where the real people it concerns are likely to see it.

And that third one is where Swifties, Gaylors in particular, are really fucking failing right now. Now, if a famous person goes onto AO3 and searches for their name, that's one thing. Or they come into any fandom space where they aren't a known presence and start poking around...they went looking for it. But bringing it up at live events or putting it on social media platforms that said celebrity openly frequents in a way they're likely to see it (i.e. by @ing them or putting it under their name's hashtag) is crossing a line.

And yet what is the Taylor Swift tag FULL OF, on tumblr where we all know Taylor has had an account for years and lurks occasionally? People calling Joe an ex-beard, celebrating the end of their relationship, and analyzing her every move and facial expression and song choice in the context of these unconfirmed break-up rumors.

This shit is gross, full stop. And on top of everything else, far too many of the fans in the Gaylor camp are quick to call anyone who has a problem with their behavior in this regard a homophobe, trivializing the very real dangers and struggles faced by queer people to win their stupid little fandom arguments. That's disgusting. It disgusts me as a queer person.

Part three of why I find all the breakup rumor speculation so distasteful is that once again, Taylor is doing the absolute most and completely killing it at her career, but many of her so-called fans only want to focus on her relationship status with some guy. It's all "she's doing so great on tour in spite of the Joe breakup!" or "she's doing so great on tour because of the Joe breakup!" How about we stop attributing anything in this woman's career to the men she's involved with? Are we capable of that? Have we fucking evolved past 2015 yet?

As for Taylor's habit of leaving clues in her albums, I find it wild that people assume because she has left fairly obvious little puzzles and easter eggs for us throughout her career ABOUT her career, i.e. background info about the music on an album or foreshadowing around what's coming next, that means that she's constantly sending us secret coded messages about her private life.

Like...capitalized letters in liner notes that spell out a detail about that song or album that you wouldn't otherwise know, or a numerical code on her instagram that reveals the vault tracks on her next TV re-recording, or even easter eggs in a music video related to very public knowledge that inspired the song and album...are all a pretty far cry from "Taylor has been sending secret, unconfirmed signals that only we can see for over a decade to tell us that she's actually queer and being forced to stay in the closet and have PR relationships with men she doesn't care about."

And finally, I actually don't have a problem with interpreting Ivy or any of Taylor's music as queer. Interpreting art is not the same thing as speculating on the artist's sexuality, and it sure as hell isn't the same thing as celebrating a breakup rumor because it validates that speculation. I myself interpret a LOT of Taylor's music as queer. But I also understand that how I interpret art is just as much about me as it is about the art.

Me finding something in Taylor's music that I resonate with as a queer person doesn't necessarily mean Taylor herself is queer. And even if she is, she hasn't chosen to share that with us, so it's simply none of my goddamn business. "A lot of Taylor Swift's music resonates with me and my queer experiences" and "Taylor Swift's sexuality is none of my business" are ideas that can and should coexist.

As are "I think she might be" and "but that's none of my business" for that matter! Hell, I can even admit that based on my own experiences of being closeted and coming out, I wouldn't be surprised at all if one day Taylor comes out as bi. But that doesn't mean she OWES me or anyone else that disclosure, or that it's okay to be on the internet endlessly speculating on unsubstantiated rumors concerning something we know she specifically likes to be private about in a place we KNOW she's likely to see it! Especially when that speculation gives way to actively celebrating the end of her relationship without knowing a) if it has actually ended, and b) how she feels about it if it has.

#jaylor #jaylor breakup rumors #swifties #swiftie fandom

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lola-andheruniverse · 2 years

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Sharing this because maybe another fellow caryler feels the same way:

I allowed myself to read a Caryl fanfic (The Girl Next Door by That1VT on 9L) that was opened on my browser since the "caryl spin-off is now a ride with zombies spin-off" news broke all of our hearts. I tried to stay away from any caryl content, fanom or canon , because it hurt too much thinking how MMB got screwed over. But yesterday with the last SDCC and all I just said to myself "fuck this, I won't let AMC wrongdoings steal anymore of the love I have for this story". And so I stayed up to 2am reading my fanfic. And it was amazing, to say the least. I felt happy to be immersed on my caryl love again.

And I realized that (just like with Harry Potter and JK) Carol and Daryl are MINE. I've watched them for years, I suffered with them, I laughed with them, I hoped and prayed for their happiness for a decade. I don't care if they are fictional characters and are copyrighted to AMC, SG, whoever else. I love and cherish them as real people. All I feel about them is pretty real. So they're mine! As a fan, I'm entitled to them. I am allowed to enjoy them as I see fit and I don't want to miss them anymore or feel bad when I see a gifset or a fanvideo.

So I'll watch 11C because it's the last of their canon story being told and I don't want to miss it. I'll separate Daryl and NR on my mind because Daryl is so much bigger and important and who I really care about. I'll choose to see how MMB's love for Carol shines throught my screen and appreciate all she did for this character by watching her last scenes. Because I know for sure that saying goodbye to Carol will be horrible, but MMB is the one who is suffering the most here. As her fan and a Carol fan I want to support MMB the only way I really can, and that is saying goodbye to Carol with her.

Besides Carol and Daryl, I love TWD. I loved it for years. It's my comfort show. I love so many of the characters, althought most of my favourites are long gone. I still have Jerry and Eugene and Lydia and Aaron and Gabriel. They are also MINE. I want to say goodbye to them. I want to watch their final scenes and send them off to the forever fanfiction land.

I also respect the shit of Ross Marquand, Josh McDermitt, Christian Serratos and Seth Gilliam for staying on this shitty show when their characters were underutilized, ignored or wrongly vilified by the writing and/or the fandom. Like MMB, they never gave up on their characters or the show even though they probably should have a long time ago. I want to say goodbye to all of these marvelous actors and characters who deserved better.

So, yeah, I'll watch 11C. I won't give AMC no profit whatsoever because I'm not from USA/Canada/Europe so I've being using not legal ways to watch the show for years now. I don't own any official merchandise because they are extremely expensive where I live. I don't really generate any buzz online because Tumblr is the only social media I talk about the show. AMC won't get a fucking dime from me.

I'll do my best to enjoy 11C even thought I'm depressed and angry and sad. I deserve to say goodbye to TWD and to Caryl on my own terms. So that's what I'll do. I just hope I was happy and excited about it too. And then, fanfiction all the way. I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS FUCKING SHIP! CARYL FUCKING ON!

#twd #caryl #caryl positivity #kind of #i just love this fucking show too much #caryl on #melissa mcbride

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ovaryacted · 6 months

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I genuinely agree with you in your last post. We know that the power of fanfic is precisely to make any situation real, that's the magic of it.

However, there's a fine line between it being something from your imagination, however strange it may be to others, and between it being something that's not cool, and it's just plain disgusting.

I understand incest fanfics, I don't care much about one or the other, as long as it's two adults who agree to it, it's certainly morally wrong, ethically too, but it's just another fetish in the world of fanfic.

So, I think that if there's nothing that bad about it, I don't see it as such a problem, (I say that for myself, of course.) I understand that it can be weird, disgusting for some, but it's passable. But I completely understand the repulsion/dislike of it. For me it's just another scenario where it's 0 or 100, either someone likes it or they don't. And that's fine, as long as there are no minors or things like harassment, or something worse involved.

But talking about children, minors, rape, I'm sorry to say that this is no longer a silly fetish. It's crossed the line into dark content. I say that because not only in this fandom, but in others it's already quite common.

I've lost count of how many times I've seen things like, 'X perverted character' in the Cod fandom. A pov where it consists of X character being a complete idiot who harasses the reader. Frankly, where should that be appealing? Or good in any way? And I'm starting to see it on this fandom, too.

Not only that, but several other things that are directly harassment, grooming, or even rape. That it should be romanticized in any way, shape or form is out of the question.

Of course the Internet is free for everyone to express themselves, but I think common sense is good a lot of the time. I believe that there are things that should under no circumstances be treated as sexy or fetishistic, or be seen in any erotic way.

Anyway, here's my two cents on that. I'll stop here because it got bigger than I thoughtXD

But I hope everything's okay with you, fandom can be a bit crazy from time to time.

Hi idk who this came from but I really appreciate what you said. I agree with you, mostly everything you said, and I value your perspective.

This is like my first time seeing this type of stuff which is why it’s kind of jarring. I’ve been in anime fandoms before which are a whole separate monster, and I never had to really deal with the incest or pedo stuff so I never saw it. I mostly dealt with a lot of ship wars and things, which is what I avoid the most in every fandom because people will genuinely go crazy and stand ten toes down behind who they think should be together and I don’t think it’s worth it. But now that I’m seeing it in real time on this site obviously my first instinct will be disgust, not at the person but like the actual thing itself.

The step-incest thing I sorta understand because that is taboo even if it’s morally wrong, and esp when it’s the “mother’s boyfriend/husband” stuff I get that too. But I draw a very hard line at literal rape and pedophilia. Idk how you’re capable of just writing that stuff out or making it seem like it’s just some regular degular thing.

It’s not cool. And it’s not okay, at all.

#ovaryacted asks

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bisluthq · 6 months

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ugh nat i need help. i totally cant get over swiftwyn, like ever since they broke up I’ve been more heartbroken ab it than I think they themselves are lol. Idk I think it’s just that they were such a perf couple and they seemed like such soulmates. like all the music she wrote for and with him, the way they looked so good together, and just the fact that they seemed so emotionally connected on so many levels. like they’re still my couple goals if I’m being honest lmao. idk I just can’t get myself to be happy over TK bc I’m missing swiftwyn. Like it’s literally just so sad. their relationship is literally my Roman Empire lmfao

honestly i think i need to separate myself from tay but like i love her music too much and it doesn’t help that i know the lore behind all of her songs. they were just the dream couple and i soooo wish they were still together

not to be one of those “love isn’t real” bitches but like that’s how I’ve gen been feeling for the past 6 months

idk i think it’s all the fact that I don’t know these people and will never receive closure because I’ll never know what happened. but idk it just hurts me on such a deep level for some reason lmao

pls help, even if you can provide any advice or closure would be appreciated like i feel crazy and don’t know what to do lmao

Okay SO I think you've analysed it very correctly - you're mourning something that existed in your head and it's difficult to get closure on something that's not yk real. For Taylor and Joe, breaking up was the result of falling out of love (which is normal but sad). For you, you're having to break up with Swiftwyn without ever falling out of love with them because, as you rightfully point out, you don't know them and weren't involved. You loved the concept (that's all other people's relationships can ever be if we're not somehow caught up in the middle of it). You don't have to stop loving the concept. It's not that different from idk The Doctor and Rose together or Meredith and McDreamy or idk that gay Supernatural ship.

So my advice is take a deep breath and allow yourself to still like them as a ship from when they're together. Them being broken up in 2023 doesn't mean you can't imagine 2016 them when Delicate comes on (if that's what pops into your head), same as you can picture Jake and Taylor when ATW plays and same as you can rewatch episodes of your favourite ships even when the couple later breaks up or idk the show ends.

Because we're operating with the concept, not with real life.

Now here's where it gets tricky though. We are liking concepts but dealing with real people - that's where liking celeb couples gets weird. So while it's perfectly okay to listen to Delicate and imagine the dive bar or look at the potato quality pap shots of them or whatever, what's not okay is harassing them or the recurrent "DAD COME BACK" jokes (which mostly stopped now that TK is around, which goes back to how this is concept not real life). Because like... they're real people who just got over each other and that's sad and I can't imagine dealing with my own issues and having strangers "mourning" it for me or telling me who I should date next. People are mad weird.

As for "love isn't real" - well, Hollywood love isn't really. The Notebook doesn't happen irl. I mean read this interview from Goldie about Kurt. Kurt and Goldie broke up/took separations in both 2000 and 2004. Then they realised that even though they pissed each other the fuck off, they're better off staying together, and here they still are now. One day, maybe they'll take another separation and stay apart after that. Who knows!?!?! NOT THEM. So certainly not us. Love is incredible and magical but it's also going to have ups and downs and require work and compromise and if the bad starts outweighing the good then it's time to find something else.

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its-tea-time-darling · 2 years

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Hey. I saw you recommended newtmas tumblr blogs for someone & i want to ask if you know any good Thominho people ?? Thank you very much <333. (& tbh i don't like newtmas myself, there was nothing interesting about them in canon & i still dont get why tmr fandom likes this boring newt when the only good scene with him was his death).

oh. you got a lot going on in this ask anon 😅

while you are absolutely entitled to your opinion about each and every character, we in the maze runner family are a very small, tight-knit, sweet and respectful corner of the internet. i find that wonderful, and a common sense of appreciation and friendliness honestly just increases the fun everyone can have while coming together in their love for maze runner. 🌺🤍

this was a long text to say that it really goes a long way to be friendly. if you‘ve got an interest in parttaking in a friendly fandom culture (and in turn experience that same friendliness applied to you), you could look into not dumping on a character that means a lot to many people, and from whom many people derive a great sense of happiness.

saying something like ‚the only good scene with him was his death‘ is very uncalled for.

it‘ll make people upset and sad, and yes while one might say that‘s an extreme reaction when he‘s only a fictional character, i think fandom is exactly the place you‘re at when fictional characters mean a lot to you sjdjsjjsjsjs.

if you‘re genuinely interested in why people like newt as a character or newtmas as a ship, you can send a separate ask about that. i don’t think you are interested in that though, —and you note that don’t need to be either! i‘m just trying to say that fandom to a lot of people is their ‚happy place‘, and there‘s no need to exhibit negative comments such as the one you did.

i do know a lot of cool thominho people and blogs, but i‘m not sure i feel super inclined to make a list of them right now.

idk if you know the concept, but „ship and let ship“ is this really cool idea that everyone can like the ship they like, and no one needs to be dismissive of each other‘s ships.

honestly it goes for characters as well. ships and characters mean a lot to people for very different and often deeply personal reasons, and it takes zero effort and gives a lot of reward if we are gentle, appreciative and respectful to each other ❤️

this maybe was some nice food for thought?

— remember that while fictional characters aren’t real, the people in fandom are in fact very real people with very real feelings <3

#ask #tea answers #fandom culture

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redcorvid · 1 year

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Hello! I’m Goro Akechi! (or Crow, or Prince) (he/him)

———

Please read before following!

— Is this a roleplay blog?

No. It’s a personal blog, where I post my thoughts and reblog things which interest me. If you come here expecting me to be rigorously “in character” you’ll be disappointed.

— How can you possibly be Goro Akechi?

I am what’s called an “alter” in a multiple system, AKA (in our case) an occurrence of OSDD-1b (Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder). One feature of this is that the brain may use a work of fiction to base a new alter on - this is what happened in my case.

I would note that despite my neutrality on the word “alter” and my acknowledgement of the disorder aspect of this existence, not everyone in our system appreciates being referred to that way. I use the term “headmate” as well. Also, because it unfortunately has to be said out loud these days: I support all systems, not just those caused by trauma. If you disagree, fuck off ❤️

—So you’re a copy of a fictional character?

Don’t get me wrong - I acknowledge the medical/mental health aspect of this situation, but I also believe wholeheartedly that somehow, through some means inaccessible to me now, I was plucked from another world and I am now here. It happened for mental health reasons in this world, but I am real, and I will not accept being treated otherwise.

— There are two versions of Persona 5 (at least). Which one are you from?

I arrived here in 2017 from the original version of Persona 5, so it’s that version’s events that I remember. As much as I appreciate the extent to which Royal improves the writing significantly especially in regards to myself, it’s sadly not the “me” which exists here and now. I do appreciate it however, and I enjoy projecting myself onto it.

—Do you still act like Goro Akechi?

Of course! I act like myself.

If you want a better answer than that, however: keep in mind that I have existed in this world for at least 5 years. A lot has changed in my life - for better and for worse. Just as well, I think I probably am a bit ‘sweeter’ than how I used to be... but perhaps I’m simply less stressed out now.

That’s not to say I’m always an amicable “pleasant boy”. If I sill had the powers I had in the world I come from it would be over for you all for some people who are assholes ❤️

I simply contain multitudes. The me who is kind and charming and the me who is angry and vicious are both me. And while I exist in a plural system on an overall level, these aspects of me are not separate selves... they're all me. Take it or leave it.

—Can I talk to you about Persona 5? Can I talk to you about (ship things)?

Sure. I like discussing my memories and the world I come from. I just ask that you respect that while I am Goro Akechi, I am not an empty doll for you to project things onto. Treat me like a person, and I'll be happy to take your questions.

And yes; I am gay. I like Joker.

—How do you feel about talking to others from your source or with "doubles"?

No problem at all. If you're fine with me, then I'm fine with you. Let's do our best to get along.

—Interests:

Persona 5

Pokemon

Chainsaw Man

Kingdom Hearts

Kamen Rider

...And other things as well.

—Blog Warnings:

I often post about sex, trauma, and mental illness. I am a sexual person (and an adult) and I don't need to justify myself to you. I suggest leaving now if that's offputting.

I try, but I do not always post content warnings.

I cannot care less about whatever discourse is happening. Especially fandom discourse. I will not debate you.

———

( sources: x/x/x )

—Favorite Pokemon ❤️ Mimikyu // Cubone // Rowlet // Corviknight Zorua // Rockruff // Bisharp // Silvally // Scorbunny

—Other: Call them "kintypes" or whatever you might, but I have some level of connection to: Silver (Pokemon G/S) // Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts) // Angel (Chainsaw Man) // Chara (Undertale) Crows/corvids // hares // dolls/machines // armor // haunted things // tengu // cockatrices ...and perhaps others if I ever feel like listing them in detail.

#intro post #crow thoughts #I figured I should make one of these for once.

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sunspira · 2 years

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I get you trying to give the benefit of the doubt to teacupballerina, but unfortunately I must tell you that they’ve been around for years, and they most certainly are old enough to understand why it’s wrong, they just don’t think it is. Also aging up minors is still pedophilic behavior so it really doesn’t give them a pass just bc Blossom is “older”, the fact that the thought even crossed their mind to ship goddamn Aku with the around-preschool-age Blossom is disturbing.

I kinda agree with you on that. For me it is more upsetting the older the user is.

I admit when checking their art I assumed they saw the episodes with the grown up PPG characters, got attached to them as sort of new separate characters of their own and kind of ran with it. I also assumed the artist was younger and transitioning out of their childhood media stage. Those two things combined I guess I don’t love it or hate it! Just a “for my comfort let’s not interact please” sort of deal. But I’m realizing the circumstances are or could be lot different from that. And suddenly it’s all colored in a more sinister way. I don’t know the person and I don’t really want to. But I definitely find the way you’re describing it upsetting and would be passing more “fuck this person” hard judgement if I knew it was for sure

The reason the artists age matters for me. And I’m sorry if this is just a me thing. But when teens who are 17, 18, 19 ish and age up a cartoon character I think that has much more to do with the artist coming to terms with their own adolescence and aging. making a character (especially one from their childhood) who was a kid in the canon media now match their own current age. A lot of that whole thing seems very personal and self-reflective and not pedophilic because the character is just an extension of the artist. Tho I .. wouldnt want to see them making sexual content with that aged up character tho. :C I’ve just never felt good about porn of that age up even when I was like 19, 20 myself and the PPG would be especially bad for me.

But yea When older people do it into their more mentally developed 20s it does feel a lot more pedophilic in nature to me. Especially when that’s an age where you now have so many other characters in media who are already adults to choose from. There’s no need.

But that’s my bias and my perspective may be limited. I’m sure anyone who was abused by an 18 year old when they were a kid would Not see that art as innocent and that’s fine. But it doesn’t come off as suspect or upsetting to me when a late teens person does it. Early 20s can be fine too or have good intentions where the whole aged up thing is so normalized on the Internet in some circles and therefore seems normal to them and seems detached from anything child-like in their mind. i would just encourage that person that yea it’s a time to start moving away from that. Especially for those adult themes. The world of adult media is really good anyway.

Also a lot of my eh response was just thinking they got attached to the idea of older blossom from the show and started building an a whole new character and au around her (again especially as like a self insert type thing). Idk if it’s harmless or not but these are not evil intentions and I can appreciate the importance of intent

But yea you’re right. there like a real possibility where they may have just decided to take . Baby blossom and then just immediately turn that into older blossom for sexual reasons. Which is so disturbing and i didn’t even think of that. It’s a lot more shallow and transparent as like a pedophilic thing. Rather than a freshly turned adult creative project with good intentions based on their fave show as a kid when being a kid was a year or so ago.

Does that make sense? Feels like there could be so many reasons for that behavior, some sinister and some just a stage of maturity thing. So I only have torn feelings, not total condemnation but definitely general discomfort. And regardless at my age Im not a fan of it and just want to avoid anything like that and anyone making it lol so. I deleted the reblog from that user and reblogged it from someone else.

Maybe I’m making this is overly complicated but I really really try to be fair and give everybody the benefit of the doubt with matters of reputation and accusation. it means a lot to me. If it helps to understand, a lot of trauma in my childhood revolves around harassment and constant allegation and dishonesty and a prevailing feeling of being monitored or watched to slip up, feeling judged and labeled (always in the least charitable ways possible), jumped conclusions, explosive fighting, alienation trauma and the like. I have zero CSA trauma so it’s not raw and personal to me. But if you do, I do sympathize and I respect you for having a hard stance on these things! That makes sense and you should stick to your guns and boundaries. I have trauma around family relationships disintegrating into … just stuff I don’t want to think about enough to get the words for. But it’s the escalating back and forth that upsettingly enough resembles the kind of fall out people can have on both sides in these really serious issues or discourse or debate, for total lack of a better word. So I just try really hard to see where everyone might be coming from and try not to get involved, beyond presenting some different possibilities from different sides. It’s the place I feel safest and happiest and most saved from those times as a kid I wish had never happened and I wish I could have disappeared from. Sorry about that :(

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free--therapy · 1 year

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Thank you so much for the beautiful reply! I'm always grateful.

I agree, just a few years ago, I wouldn't ever take things like ships and stuff seriously especially when it was just an anime or any series really since it's fictional. I knew to separate my boundaries and regardless of what i thought about a show or it's characters, i never let any of it define me or never questioned my morals over it. Because no matter what i thought about a fictional series, it rarely reflects my thoughts about that topic in real life. So i just never took it seriously and it's only recently when i started actively being into the fandoms that i started questioning myself and my values over every. single. thing. I seriously question even the smallest things and even if i don't really like something that others think is weird, i still overthink and get scared wondering "omg even if i don't like it now, what if i end up liking it in the future?" "What if even if i don't like it...aren't i also supposed to be grossed out by it like other people are? Then why do i not feel like that?"

But honestly, on the flip side i could think of this as me being less judgemental about stuff than other people are and that's a good thing!

If i see a fanart of some characters from a series and i see all comments going "eww aren't they (xyz relationship)? something's wrong with you for shipping them etc." But for me, i almost never think about the "relationship" of the characters tbh. For me, it's just "art" so when I see a fanart, all i go is "wow this is so pretty" and i just don't focus on what ship or whatever it shows because for me, the "art" itself and how it's done is more important so i don't mind anything.

And that's the thing, almost all the time, as long as it's something i see on the internet or on just on any virtual platform and not in real life, then i mostly don't mind. As in, if it's something made for entertainment purposes and stuff, then i don't take it seriously and usually never think about what it represents tbh unless that content is such that is meant for representation like a documentary.

I remember seeing this one fanart of siblings from a game (they're literally twins) but i guess the artist showed them in a romantic setting. The art wasn't anything bold but it sure wasn't meant to be platonic. It was different at first because since they're clearly siblings, i never thought of them like that. So to see a fanart of them in that sort of setting was different but again, after the initial surprise where i went "oh so people ship these two?", i realized i was just admiring the art for how pretty it was. The artstyle, the colors and just the entire picture was beautiful and i was appreciating the author but the thought of it being weird didn't even cross my mind once. But then i looked at the comments section and ofc almost all the comments were filled with hate and disgust and stuff because the art showed them like that.

And i get it, i get why people would feel like that. But what i don't understand is why don't i feel weird or grossed out or anything of that sort? I can easily think of it as "maybe the artist just sees them differently" and move on. I don't judge the artist or wonder if "something is wrong with the artist" like the comments said. I can appreciate the art without the judgement and accept their opinions, i don't mind. But these days, i just feel weird for being this way. I mean, is this normal? Is this okay?

This habit of me to not mind anything or be non-judgemental and okay with almost everything fictional is a blessing in certain ways. I mean, as long as i don't overthink it, it's a good thing i guess? To see someone's art or creation and appreciate it for the art itself instead of judging and criticising the themes and opinions they've presented is good and i used to think of it as one of my positive triats tbh but recently that has changed. Instead of thinking of it as positive, it ends up making me feel "is there something wrong with me?" But I'm trying my best to not let it affect me.

Because in the end, whether i ship someone or not, whether i like a certain character or not, for me, it doesn't represent me or my values because i don't think of it that way. So I'm learning to believe again that it's okay either way and it doesn't make me weird for it.

There's one thing i realised after all this overthinking. Yes, I'm afraid of people judging me too much or I'm terrified of being cancelled or being hated. I want to belong in communities i love too and the idea of people hating me from those communities makes me feel scared and lonely too.

Just like you mentioned, I'm also a very big people pleaser and when I'm out in public, I'm usually always trying to make sure that i don't offend anyone in anyway and make sure that everyone likes me and in doing so, i end up somehow creating a fake image of myself of being a nice, perfect person which i know I'm really not. I'm just as imperfect as anyone else really. But trying to impress everyone and make sure everyone loves and accepts me and doing this for so many years has led to me being unable to accept the idea that some people may not accept me but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. It just means they're different and that doesn't have anything to do with me, it's not my fault if someone dislikes me or can't accept it. I'm okay the way i am. I've just been overwhelmed by all the overthinking.

But in all this overthinking what i didn't realise earlier was the person that needed to accept me the most was me myself. Through all this scary assumptions and jumping to conclusions, i didn't realise that all this time i was judging myself more than anyone else and doubting myself and hating myself in a way.

I suppose this is where i need to realise my worth? I mean, i could use this overthinking in a more "positive" way and decide to make it the reason why i start to accept myself and my thoughts and beliefs and emotions no matter how difficult they seem or how different they seem. Just by thinking of it as "weird" I'm making it seem so bad in my head when in reality it doesn't have to be a "weird" emotion or a "weird" way of thinking.

Instead of labelling it as weird or bad or disgusting or creepy, I can just label it as different and accept it and move on. That different way of thinking doesn't have to affect my opinion of myself, it doesn't have to make me love myself any less. Instead of thinking, "Am i weird? Will they dislike me?" It's okay to think "It's fine, it's just different. It doesn't have to affect how i deserve to be treated anywhere in any community. I still deserve go be loved and respected as much as anyone else no matter how different the opinion." Reminding myself of this seems much more healthy and self accepting.

Is it okay to do that? I mean, being so apologetically myself without any self doubt feels scary...is it okay to be like that?

No problem, Anon!

There's a lot of nuance with everything. I know exactly what you mean by appreciating the art for the art itself and not necessarily the content/context. I'm sure I've done the same in the past. I personally think there's nothing wrong with admiring the artist and their style, but you can also not agree with how it may be perceived. I think you should probably stay away from the comment sections for a little bit and just be okay with not knowing what other people think. I wouldn't always base your idea of how you thinking of yourself for accepting what you see be so negatively influenced by how others may see it. Like I said before, there are probably so many other people who agree with you and don't say anything about it. Most of the time, people are commenting outrage, no different than how a lot of people leave reviews on websites when they have a bad experience as opposed to a regular or exceptional one. It's easy to cry in outrage about something for these people so that's why it may seem like they're the majority.

There's nothing wrong with you being open-minded. Not everyone will agree with you and that's okay. I know how easy it can be to slip into thinking something's wrong because you think differently, but you should continue to focus on how it can be a blessing.

It's a fear of rejection you're battling with and I know what that's like. You just have to remember that there are people out there who think like you and they are the ones worth keeping around who will love and support you. You also have to be okay with the fact that you'll never get everyone to like you, no matter how likable you try to become. It becomes exhausting to try and please everyone so you seem liked.

But trying to impress everyone and make sure everyone loves and accepts me and doing this for so many years has led to me being unable to accept the idea that some people may not accept me but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. It just means they're different and that doesn't have anything to do with me, it's not my fault if someone dislikes me or can't accept it. I'm okay the way i am. I've just been overwhelmed by all the overthinking.

I've been through the same thought processes as you, so I know how hard it can be to accept the reality of the truth…you won't be for everyone, but that's okay! You are definitely okay the way that you are and eventually you'll come to accept it the more you tell yourself.

There it is!! I'm glad you got it. You are the only person in this world that matters when it comes to caring about who likes you. You should always like and love yourself first, that way when people try and tell you "you're this" or "you're that", you can laugh in their face and say, "nah, you don't know me :P" It definitely has everything to do with recognizing your own self-worth. When you know your worth, then you don't care what other people think. You only let what other people say about you affect you when you don't know yourself, so get to know you and love you and nothing anyone else say can even touch that.

I still deserve go be loved and respected as much as anyone else no matter how different the opinion.

You sure do! And don't you forget it :) You're on the right path, Anon. Keep going 💖

#ask #answered #anon #fear of rejection #anxiety #overthinking #self doubt #self worth #self love #self awareness

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nightswithkookmin · 2 years

Text

My thoughts on it is as everyone's dear.

Jikook are two different personalities as much as they may have a lot in common and say they are the same.

One is very quiet gentle and a bit introverted one is loud and care free. I'd say Jk is a closeted extrovert while JM is a closeted introvert. I don't think Tae has a closeted personality. How we see him on screen is how he is in real life I presume. Bare in mind I'm a bit hungover so whatever.

I've always thought of myself as more like JK than JM and frankly their time out at the concert confirmed that for me.

It was fascinating to see that distinction between their personalities amplified by their environment and I hope the intellectual shippers would have a conversation on who influences who in their dynamic.

I think they were a bit too intimate in their interactions to pass as just friends. Was actually worried JK was drinking cos gay +alcohol+ JK equals to catastrophe.

So I applaud them for being so well behaved around eachother. If I were at a Harry Styles concert and falling was playing really I'd be groping people. My butt was shivering watching that moment like oh lawd is Jk about to grab Jm and grope him I can't 😭

Turns out there are not so ghetto afterall

I love Tae and Kooks personality like I said. They know how to live life please Jihope looked like they went to escort them🤣

You know that Tae meme when he was watching Jihope cross arms drink from their bottles like lovers?

I'm leaving their ass at home and taking Tae Kook with me next time.

Not exactly surprised though because their interactions in soop 2 had similar vibes... I'm talking about Kook dancing his ass off while JM just lies in a chair watching him.... what a boring ass couple 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's fascinating the things they do for fun together. Drinking together, carrying eachother around, spinning, giving em hickeys, breaking mosquito nets, playing football at dawn, water gun, playing with their baby bam....

And it's fascinating how they spend their time together... a lot of the times I'm on the bed tapping away at my phone while my gf is either working on her laptop, looking at recipes watching TV or something- we might just be the most boring couple omg🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭

And I laughed when kookhope were separated from them while vmin hang out with Lizzo🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

They pimped out Vmin🤣

If it's never happened to you at the club when some of your friends are called to hang with the rappers at the vip bcos they is lightskin you won't know how it feels 🤣🤣🤣

They probably were like since she ships you two why don't you two go hangout with her. Yet people act like BTS hate shippers

Imma need a famous person who ships jikook to come out and let them know. print a tshirt and everything 🤧

And I hear Tuktukkers were calling Jimin a tuktukker again????????

Are they nuts?

He's nasty if he's a Tuktukkers 🤣🤣🤣🤣

They will put so much faith in him as their ship captain and throw tantrums when they see him drooling over Jk🤣💀

It's their shook pikachu faces when jikook start talking bout waking up together naked and leaving hickeys on eachothers bodies for me.

If Tae Kook is real, Vmin is real, Jikook is real and those three are in a polyamory with me.

Jihope looked cool together. I loved their outfits and their laid back vibes. It was a stark contrast against Tae Kook.

V is versatile. He can match people's energies in a way I feel JK can't. Jimin is like that too. He can match energies if he wants to. I'm seeing the similarities and subtle differences here and there.

There are other things I want to talk about but can't for personal reasons. But i can say I've learned a lot about their personalities and I appreciate their dynamics even more now.

GOLDY

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forestwater87 · 3 years

Text

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to [email protected]. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

#campcamp #camp camp #cc david #roosterteeth #rooster teeth #miles luna #this isn't content #it's more like a public service #also i threw the gwenvid in like the trash goblin I am

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Suicidal Misunderstanding AU Part V (SW Time Travel AU #27)

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV

After a meandering walk through what felt like every path the hanging gardens and marsh pools had to offer, Obi-Wan stopped to lean against a stone wall.

“Obi-Wan? Are you ready to stop and eat something? As nice as this has been, I’m getting hungry and I’m guessing you are too.”

Anakin was only being a little sarcastic. It had genuinely been nice to peacefully spend the day with Obi-Wan like this- they hadn’t been to the marsh habitats since the war started. He had resigned himself to watching Obi-Wan enthusiastically greet every wandering knight, master, and elder who they passed.

It was actually starting to become impressive- Anakin never realized how many members of the Order his Master was friendly with- no wonder he was given a seat on the high council! But after the last heartfelt clasping of hands with a completely unfamiliar Bothan (thankfully for Anakin’s petty jealousy, Obi-Wan wasn’t hugging everyone), Anakin had asked who the knight was.

Obi Wan frowned. “No idea. But I suppose I must have seen him somewhere.”

Anakin was no longer feeling impressed.

When a group of crechelings wandered by, Obi-Wan appeared briefly overwhelmed with emotion. His shields (apparently even better drunken than sober) didn’t let anything specific slip. But he knew Obi-Wan was feeling something intensely. Bizarrely, instead of saying hello, Obi-Wan hurried out and away with Anakin dragged behind, bringing them back to the stone wall and their skipped breakfast.

“Not yet.” Obi-Wan responded hoarsely. “I want to visit the Room of A Thousand Fountains first, and say a few more goodbyes.”

“Goodbyes?” Anakin asked, a slight chill running down his back. “We’re not shipping back out until the end of the week. Do you always say goodbye to everyone this thoroughly before redeployment?”

“No. Do you think I should have?” Obi-Wan frowned. “I feel like that would have been more upsetting than anything else.”

“Ok then, why are you saying goodbye now? To the whole order?”

Obi-Wan didn’t reply, he just pushed off the wall to continue on his quest to apparently visit every corner of the temple.

“Master, please, you’re worrying me. If you won’t eat, then let me take you to the Healing Halls so they can check you over for drugs. We can visit the fountains after.”

Obi-Wan finally paused, thinking that over. “I would like to see Bant. She should be there, right?”

Bant did end up being there, and was more touched than disturbed by Obi-Wan’s sincere joy to see her. While Obi-Wan wandered the halls greeting injured Knights, she ran several tests.

“As far as I can tell, all you had last night was human-appropriate alcohol. No force-user specific drug interactions, and no traces of Spice. It’s possible there’s something I missed, but your force presence doesn’t feel off balance in the manner I specifically associate with drug-induced altered perception. Your blood sugar is a little low and you’re somewhat dehydrated, especially considering you’re in the temple, not out on a mission.”

“I’ll take care of my physical needs after I visit the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Just because a vision isn’t purely induced by the force doesn’t mean I can’t draw meaning from it. I do appreciate how you always looked out for me though, Bant. I’ve missed your fussing.” Obi-Wan smiled, clasping one of her hands in his.

Bant sighed, “If Master Yoda wasn’t off world I’d urge you to talk to him. I haven’t seen you this shaken by a vision since we were younglings. Even if you do seem to be handling it fairly... calmly.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “I’ll tell him you said that someday. I might be wrong, but I think he’ll be happy to learn about-” Obi-Wan gestured around vaguely, “all this. I’ll talk to him at some point. I’m sure of it.”

She glanced over at Anakin, who had been a quietly looming shadow the whole visit. He seemed both relieved by the diagnosis as well as bewildered. “Can I speak to you privately?”

Obi-Wan nodded and Anakin stalked out of the test room.

She scrutinized him, worry more obvious now, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you slipping tenses this whole time. You’re still not sure where your vision ends and reality begins, are you? Do you even know when you are?”

Obi-Wan looked down. “I know what’s real and what’s not. I’m just...enjoying not fully living in the moment. I have every intention of waking up.”

“Yeah, that’s a BIG red flag, Obi-Wan. Force.” She tilted her head back and forth, examining him with obvious concern. “I am scheduling an appointment for a soul healer and you are going to go, understand?” She demanded.

Obi-Wan agreed far too easily. She reluctantly let him leave with an earnest promise to eat something real.

Obi-Wan came outside to find Anakin pacing.

“I’m glad you’re still here,” he told his former Padawan, ignoring the ache in his chest.

“Of course Ori’vod,” Anakin said, ducking his head with a shy smile. “What did Bant say?”

“She wants me to eat something real and visit a soul healer.” Obi-Wan sighed. “Well, I can do at least one of those things.”

“A soul healer! She thinks you’re crazy?” Anakin asked offended.

“First of all, you don’t have to be unstable to visit a soul healer. I’ve seen them in the past, when there wasn’t as much wrong with me. I’m sorry if I led you to believe you couldn’t seek out help for your problems.” Obi-Wan said. Another mistake.

“I-I know that. I just thought, you know, Jedi can be judgmental of that sort of thing. A good Jedi is supposed to be able to just, meditate stuff away.” Anakin said bitterly.

Obi-Wan thought furiously. Was this why he had been so blindsided by Anakin’s fall? Had his padawan been so afraid of judgement that he hid all of the warning sides of his struggles with darkness? Maybe he could ask Owen for some sort of petty assistance when he brought over bantha milk next time, to demonstrate to young Luke that it was ok to ask for help. No, he was probably still too young for those sorts of lessons to have much meaning. The insight would require meditation, when he was more sober.

Unsure how ‘Anakin’ would respond, Obi-Wan tentatively said, “You’re right, that some Jedi might judge for seeking such aid. But I think in the last years of the war, that sort of opinion became less and less common. After all, an ideal Jedi shouldn’t be leading an army. I don’t know if anyone can be perfect during war, let alone a peacekeeper.”

When that failed to garner positive or negative reply, Obi-Wan let out a breath. “It hardly matters, since I can’t exactly visit a therapist, let alone a soul healer, given my present living conditions.”

Anakin seemed to process that, giving Obi-Wan a long, searching look. “What’s your next point?”

“Hmm?”

“You said first of all, and I think that was all one thing, so what’s your second point?”

“Not exactly being able to visit a soul healer regularly doesn’t count as a separate retort?”

“I guess? I’m just trying to understand what you’re trying to tell me” A twinge of frustration crept into Anakin’s otherwise level tone.

"I appreciate that, truly, and I regret the number of hurtful miscommunications that sprung up from me failing to do just that. Well, I suppose, by most reasonable standards, I am ‘crazy.’ Getting some help with unraveling my mind would probably be best, if it were an option, but it isn’t so...” Obi-Wan shrugged.

Before any followup questions could be asked, they finally arrived at the main entrance to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The archway was stunning, water flowing upwards along the stone in intricate, shifting tessellations. When they stepped through, Obi-Wan was delighted to see Mace Windu sitting on a bench by the entrance.

“Mace! I was hoping to see you.”

Mace looked at him. He seemed at first, to be utterly unsurprised by the duo’s arrival. But the longer he stared, the more visible shock overtook his features. “Master Koon recommended I look for you...force what happened.”

Obi-Wan just chuckled. “Oh you know. What didn’t happen.”

“What’s wrong?” Anakin asked urgently. “What do you see, Master Windu?”

Obi-Wan tried to wave them both off, laugh a little more forced. “Please, I came here to relax. I’m sure it would be easier to say what’s not wrong with-”

“Kark it, Obi-Wan this isn’t a joking matter.” Master Windu’s voice was calm, but insistent. He slowly started approaching Obi-Wan as though the fellow council member were a feral loth-cat.

“You look as if...nearly every shatter point around you has broken open. Force, I think you’ve been carrying some of these with you since you were a child. Usually when things that deep break...And some of these- some of these are too big to have just affected you.” Mace hesitantly reached forward, brushing against something invisible.

A chill ran down Anakin’s spine, again. What the kriff did Obi-Wan see in his vision? Last night he mentioned the temple burning, their rooms turned to ash, and Anakin had just...let that go in favor of greedily spending time with this addictively affectionate version of Obi-Wan.

“Mace...” Obi-Wan groaned. “I had been wondering what you might say to me but this is...please, can’t you just give me a hug and let me enjoy the peace for one more hour.”

“Master Kenobi,” Mace said, seeming to revert to an even more serious version of himself. “What I see cracked open around you is bigger than the reemergence of the Sith on Naboo, bigger than the first battle of Genosis. Whatever has happened, you cannot possibly keep it to yourself, practically or morally.”

To the shock of both Windu and Skywalker, Obi-Wan actually rolled his eyes at that. “Mace. You are not telling me anything I do not already know. And I am choosing to spend a little longer enjoying the unique joys of the Temple before dealing with the harshness of reality. Haven’t I earned a small break? I’m not abandoning my duty, but if I don’t take care of myself where I can I’ll go madder than I already have.”

At no point did Obi-Wan’s voice get whiny or upset, he just calmly dropped a series of bombshells like he was repeating an argument.

Mace and Anakin exchanged glances, but if Mace was trying to communicate something, it was utterly lost on Anakin.

“Alright, Master Kenobi. I trust your judgement.”

And, to Anakin’s shock, Mace pulled Obi-Wan for a tight hug. “And I care about you, Obi-Wan.”

For a brief, hysterical moment, Anakin Skywalker wondered if he was about to witness his Master break down crying on the shoulder of Mace Windu the Master of the Jedi Order.

But Obi-Wan just let out a slow breath and returned the embrace before bowing deeply in Respect. Windu returned the bow with a placid expression.

“If you’ll excuse me...I think I’d like to stand by the waterfall alone for a moment.” He paused, turning to address Anakin. “If you’re willing to wait for me, I’ll happily rejoin you by the glowing mushrooms.” Anakin nodded silently and Obi-Wan beamed before leaving the two alone together.

Mace turned to the young knight in a silent demand for answers, and, for once, Anakin was eager to share what he was dealing with. “He came back drunk last night, talking about the temple burning down, and being well-”

“Unusually emotionally expressive?” Mace offered.

Anakin nodded. “Took a blood sample to analyze in the morning. He woke determined to hug every sentient being in the temple. I actually managed to get him to the halls just before we came here; Master Eerin said there was nothing in his system and...I just don’t know. He’s been off today, but not in a bad way, exactly. Could a vision have caused the shattering you saw?

Mace furrowed his brow. “Not any vision like I’ve ever seen but...these are dark times. And Master Kenobi has had historically bad luck. If some new cataclysm is coming for us- I absolutely believe he’d be the first of us to stumble into it. Something terrible and extraordinary must have happened in the 24 hours since I last saw him in person.”

A beat passed.

“I should go to the mushrooms before I lose track of him,” Anakin said quietly.

Mace nodded. “Skywalker, if you need assistance dragging him back to the healers for whatever reason, comm me, understood?”

“Understood. Master Koon said the same.” the Knight replied, heart pounding.

The Windu clasped him on the shoulder firmly, "I’m going to check in with Master Eerin. It’s possible she has some suspicions that my observations will help her confirm. Until then...”

“I’ll look out for him.” Anakin promised.

Part VI

#star wars #suicidal misunderstanding au #star wars au no 27 #my au #sw #time travel #obi wan kenobi needs a hug #oh boy we are BUILDING towards the #angst #it 1am #lol im supposed to work tomorrow but ive said that before #thank you everyone for being supportive im glad youre all hyperventilating with me over this sad boy

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ruewrites · 3 years

Note

If your requests are open, may I request a dialuci fic where Dia gets extra lonely and since Luci has known him for so long that he notices pretty quickly so shows up at the castle after work to talk to him and make him feel less alone? 👉👈

Meanings Carried in Silence

AO3

Ship: Diavolo/Lucifer

Word Count: 1090

Warnings: None

A/N: Hey Anon! Sorry this was super late! I’m hoping to finish up my requests soon!I hope that you like this!

“Sulking isn’t fit for a future king.”

The voice startled him. Diavolo hadn’t been expecting anyone. Why should anyone come follow him? It wasn’t like he had wanted anyone to follow him. He just needed to get away for a bit, to forget why he was feeling the way he was in the first place. Well, maybe forget wasn’t the right word. He knew what made him upset. Diavolo knew he would constantly be surrounded by people who were surrounded by other people.

He was an outside observer.

There would always be something separating him from everyone. The sooner he accepted that the better off he’d be. It wasn’t forgetting that was the issue, it was accepting.

He was the Devildom’s prince, people were intimidated by that, and therefore he would remain alone.

“I wasn’t sulking,” his voice came out a little more deflated than he would have liked, “I just wanted to enjoy the fresh air is all. It’s a lovely night out.”

Lucifer’s silhouette darkened his doorway in silence. Dia could feel it closing in on him, and the next thing he knew, Lucifer was by his side.

“You could have fooled me,” Diavolo couldn’t help but take note of how beautiful he looked. The Devildom’s moon gleamed off of his porcelain skin, his eyelashes were so delicate, and those red eyes were brighter than the most precious of rubies within his treasury. If only Diavolo could capture his beauty. Even his voice was wonderful, “You’ve been acting odd ever since you invited my brothers and I to come over for dinner two evenings ago."

Of course Lucifer caught on. There was very little that managed to slide past him, and that was one of the countless things that Diavolo admired and adored. However, in this moment, he wished that he could've slipped into the blind spot of those wonderful ruby eyes.

"Have I now?"

"Diavolo."

He could fly away. He could leave. He could keep running from his problems. He could tell Lucifer to leave him to dwell on his loneliness.

But the petulant child within him started to stomp his feet. He screamed about his loneliness and cried out about wanting to stay especially when the object of his affections was so close.

What would life have been like if he hadn’t been born a prince?

Lucifer moved closer so that their elbows were touching. The small amount of contact was nice, and he knew it was rare coming from Lucifer making it ever more sweeter. “I think I shall stay out here with you for a while,” Lucifer sighed, “It’s nice, and much quieter. It gives me time to think and reflect.”

“I would have thought that you’d be accustomed to loud noisy places.”

“Perhaps. But that doesn’t mean I don’t long for times when I can hear myself think.”

“And you feel like that is with me?”

Lucifer chuckled, and in a moment of comfort leaned against the prince, “Not all the time no, but you certainly do allow me to sometimes. But you also worry me when you’re not talking. It’s not like you.”

Lucifer knew him well. They’d been together for so long now, even when they hadn’t been together together. Diavolo wasn’t sure when his head rested on top of Lucifer’s or when raven black wings wrapped securely around him, but he appreciated it. He’d never felt more secure than when he was with Lucifer, and for a few moments he didn’t feel so incredibly alone. He allowed himself to believe that he could have a future with someone else, a moment with someone else.

And that gave him something to look forward to.

“You’re tired,” Lucifer noted, “You feel heavy.”

“I’ve been getting enough sleep.”

“It’s a different type of heaviness Diavolo.”

Slowly they slipped down to the floor, Lucifer’s feathers carefully cradling him as he was guided down. It was hard to read Lucifer’s expressions. Diavolo knew that deep down that was part of the reason he enjoyed seeing him flustered. When those alabaster cheeks were bright red, Diavolo didn’t feel so lost with what he was doing. But the more he’d learned about Lucifer, the more confident he felt about knowing what was most likely going on in that pretty head of his. The slightest of smiles, the small crinkle of his brow, it was all easy for Diavolo to read now. His hand flowy reached up to caress the cold skin of his cheek, just to make sure the man before him was real. It was an action he repeated more and more when he was in moods like this one. It was the only reassurance he had that Lucifer was still there.

Either he had pulled Lucifer in, or Lucifer had started moving on his own, but their foreheads pressed together and Diavolo’s true form slowly started to slip. Wings and horns tangled together, trying to find somewhere comfortable to rest. Soft feathers found Diavolo’s fingers and a shudder ran through Lucifer, but he wasn’t told to stop. He removed a few of the loose ones, it was a mild and gentle grooming but it helped the prince alleviate any sense of lingering loneliness. Lucifer’s lips met his nose as they lingered there on the floor, and Diavolo lifted his head to meet his eyes.

“You aren’t alone.”

He knew.

Of course he knew.

Diavolo was like an open book and Lucifer only needed to thumb through his pages to find any little detail about him that he needed. It was comforting and made his heart a little lighter. He could have said that he knew, that he was confident that the people around him were really there and that they’d stay. That he knew they’d stay with him forever and that he could be at peace. Instead his words came out in a whisper, “Thank you.”

The prince’s head moved to Lucifer’s chest as long and delicate fingers ran through deep red locks. Larger hands ran alongside Lucifer’s back, carefully touching along his wings. No words flew between them, they weren’t needed.

All Diavolo needed was the soft thud of Lucifer’s heartbeat and both of their arms wrapped around each other.

This was all Diavolo needed in all of the three realms, and he’d give up everything and anything for this and only this. Nothing could compare to the feelings Lucifer awoke within him and the comfort he provided through love. Through being a prince he had everything, but all he really needed was this.

#anon #anon request #request #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #ruewrites #diavolo x lucifer #dialuci

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annecoulmanross · 3 years

Text

Top Ten Historical Figures Done Dirty by The Terror (2018)

So, we all know and love Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh’s beautiful show, right? Of course. But it’s important to set the historical record straight, especially when there are real people’s life-stories and legacies on the line.

(NOTE: this list is biased heavily toward upper-class individuals because the historical record does a better job preserving those voices for us. Was the real Cornelius Hickey as nasty a person in real life as he was in the show? Almost certainly not – which is why we’re given “E.C.” as a nod to the fact that we shouldn’t assume these characters represent real historical villains, even when the narrative makes them antagonists; HOWEVER, not everyone in the show was given the same courtesy as the OG “Cornelius Hickey.” Which is why this post exists – to show you the best sides of some people you might not otherwise appreciate for their full humanity. That being said, keep in mind the sources used – and, for instance, who has surviving portraits and who doesn’t.)

Thus, below the cut, I give you this list, (mostly) in order from #10 (honorable mention, only somewhat slandered) to #1 (most hideously maligned) – my list of characters from The Terror who deserved better.

(Please don’t take this too seriously – I know there are reasons why choices had to be made in order to make this show work on television, and I do very much love the end product. But I also genuinely think it’s a good idea to remember the real people behind these characters, and think critically about how we depict them ourselves.)

Bottom Tier – The Overlooked Men of the Franklin Expedition

#10. Richard Wall – & – John Diggle

We’re combining these two because they had a lot in common, historically speaking! Both were polar veterans, having served as a Cook (Wall) and an AB-then-Quartermaster (Diggle) on HMS Erebus under the command of Sir James Clark Ross in the Antarctic expedition of 1839-1843. Certainly we do get some good scenes with them in the show, but there was plenty more to explore there – for instance, Captain Ross was apparently so taken with Richard Wall that he hired him on as a private cook after the Antarctic expedition. (One imagines that Sir James may have regretted letting his friends of the Franklin expedition steal Wall out from under him.)

(If you want some more information on Diggle, the brilliant @handfuloftime found this excellent article on him – fun facts include the detail that Diggle’s only daughter bore the name Mary Ann Erebus Diggle.)

#9. John Smart Peddie

Now, I don’t think we should go as far as the Doctor Who Audio Drama adaptation of the Franklin Expedition, which makes Peddie into Francis Crozier’s oldest friend, someone “almost like a brother” to Crozier (no evidence of ANY prior relationship between the two existed, contrary to whatever the Doctor Who Audio Dramas would have you believe!) but Peddie probably earned his place as chief surgeon, however fond we may all be of the beautiful Alex “Macca” MacDonald, who was, in fact, the Assistant Surgeon, historically speaking. It’s hard to find information about Peddie, but someone should go looking! I want to know about this man!

(If you want to know more about the historical Alexander MacDonald, there’s a short biographical article on him from Arctic that you can read here.)

#8 James Walter Fairholme

The only one of the expedition’s lieutenants who doesn’t really get any characterization in the show, which is a travesty! The historical Fairholme (pronounced “Fairem”) was, as they say, a himbo, and the letters that he wrote home to his father are positively precious. He loved the expedition pets (lots of kisses for Neptune!), and he needed two kayaks because he couldn’t fit into just one with his beefy thighs. Fitzjames loaned him a coat when all the Erebus officers had their portraits taken, and then called him a “smart, agreeable companion, and a well informed man,” and Goodsir singled Fairholme out as “very much interested” in the work of naturalist observations. Just a lovely young man who could have gotten some screen time, you know?

(Also, as @transblanky discovered, four separate members of the Fairholme family gave money to Thomas Blanky’s widow when she was struggling financially in the 1850s, making them, combined, the most generous contributor to her subscription.)

Middle Tier – Franklin’s Men Who Didn’t Deserve That

#7. William Gibson

Alright, I want to talk about how uniquely horrible the show’s William Gibson is: this is a character willing to lie and accuse his partner of sexual assault that didn’t happen. I get there were extenuating circumstances, but if I were a historical figure who died in some famous disaster and someone depicted me doing something like that? Let’s just say I’m deeply offended on the real Gibson’s behalf.

What do we know about the historical William Gibson? Not much – but we know a little. Gibson’s younger brother served on an overland exploratory venture across Australia in the 1870s… from which he never returned. (God, the Gibson family had the worst luck?) This description of a conversation that young Alf Gibson had with expedition leader Ernest Giles only days before his death is VERY eerie:

[Gibson] said, “Oh! I had a brother who died with Franklin at the North Pole, and my father had a deal of trouble to get his pay from government.” He seemed in a very jocular vein this morning, which was not often the case, for he was usually rather sulky, sometimes for days together, and he said, “How is it, that in all these exploring expeditions a lot of people go and die?”

I said, “I don't know, Gibson, how it is, but there are many dangers in exploring, besides accidents and attacks from the natives, that may at any time cause the death of some of the people engaged in it; but I believe want of judgment, or knowledge, or courage in individuals, often brought about their deaths. Death, however, is a thing that must occur to every one sooner or later.”

To this he replied, “Well, I shouldn't like to die in this part of the country, anyhow.” In this sentiment I quite agreed with him, and the subject dropped.

(From Giles’s Australia Twice Traversed which you can read here)

Beyond that, one thing we do know is that William Gibson was probably friends with Henry Peglar – they had served on ships together before, and Gibson may possibly have been the poor fellow found cradling the Peglar Papers, according to researcher Glenn Stein. So we might imagine the historical Gibson as a much kinder man than the show’s depiction of him – this was someone who befriended the clever, playful Peglar we all know and love from the transcriptions of his papers, so full of poetry and linguistic jokes. It’s a shame we didn’t get a chance to meet this real Gibson, who actually knew the Henry Peglar whom we love so well.

#6. Stephen Stanley

Look. There’s that one famous line in James Fitzjames’s letters to the Coninghams about how Stanley went about with his “shirt sleeves tucked up, giving one unpleasant ideas that he would not mind cutting one’s leg off immediately – ‘if not sooner.’” And certainly Harry Goodsir had some mixed opinions of the man, saying was “a would be great man who as I first supposed would not make any effort at work after a time,” and that he “knows nothing whatever about subject & is ignorant enough of all other subjects,” whatever…. that means….

But Fitzjames also had some rather nicer things to say about him, that he was “thoroughly good natured and obliging and very attentive to our mess.” Also, the amputation comment? Very likely had a quite positive underlying joke to it – Stanley may not have been much of a naturalist, but he was actually an accomplished anatomist, who won a prize for dissection in 1836, on account of his “bend of the elbow,” which was “a picture of dissection,” according to Henry Lonsdale, who also called Stanley his “facetious friend” and “a fine fellow” (Lonsdale 1870, pg. 159). So, the real Stanley probably was rather droll, but the perpetually cruel Stanley of the show misses some of the real man’s major historical virtues and replaces them with historically unlikely mass-mercy-murder.

#5. John Irving

Now we’re getting into the territory of characters who did get some good development, but are missing a bit of historical nuance. As I’m sure many of you know, the historical Irving was indeed very religious, but the flashes of anger (i.e. against Manson) we see from Irving in the show don’t seem terribly consistent with the Irving depicted in this memorial volume, where John seems more like a quiet, bookish, mathematically inclined young man, with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a gentle sweetness. It’s really not at all far off from the version of Irving we see with Kooveyook in the show – I just wish we could have seen more of that side of Irving.

Top Tier – The Triumvirate of Polar Friends

So, these three DO have many good things to recommend them in the show, but because I’ve done such deep research on them, it can be quite jarring to watch certain scenes in which they behave contrary to their historical personalities, and I find myself pausing when watching the show with friends or family to explain that NO, they wouldn’t do that!

#4. Sir James Clark Ross

First thing – we LOVE Richard Sutton. He did a beautiful job with the material given to him. (This is true of all the actors on the list, frankly, but it’s doubly true here.) But that scene at the Admiralty where Sir James tells Lady Franklin “I have many friends on those ships, as you know,” to shut down her argument for search missions? At that time (aka 1847), historically, Sir James Clark Ross was actively campaigning for search missions, planning routes and volunteering his services in command of any vessel the Admiralty even vaguely contemplated sending out. You could see this real-life desperation in Sir James’s morose attention to his whiskey glass in that scene if you’re really trying, but I think the more historically responsible thing would have been to make vividly clear that James Ross risked life and limb, as soon as he possibly could, to try to rescue Franklin and Crozier and Blanky, men he’d known and cared about and bitterly missed – and, in the case of Crozier, “truly loved.”

#3. Sir John Franklin

The historical Franklin had plenty of flaws – his contributions to British colonial rule certainly harmed no small number of people, and we should question the way that heroic statues of Franklin are some of the only memorials that serve to honor the lives lost on Franklin’s expeditions – especially considering the steep body count of not only Franklin’s final voyage, but his previous missions in Arctic regions as well. (DM me and I’ll scream at you about counter-monuments! Is this a promise or a threat? Who knows!) With that said, most contemporary accounts agree that Sir John Franklin treated his friends, his family, and those within his social orbit with kindness, and his cruelties were systemic, not personal. In this light, the image of Sir John viciously tearing into Francis Crozier’s vulnerabilities in the show feels very off. Though there was certainly some friction over Crozier’s two proposals to Sophia Cracroft, historically speaking, there’s no evidence at all that Sir John discouraged her from marrying Francis – Sophia may have had many reasons of her own (*clears throat meaningfully in a lesbian sort of way*) for not accepting any of the several marriage proposals offered to her (from Crozier as well as from others), and we ought to keep in mind that she remained unmarried all her life. The notion that the real Sir John would have considered Crozier too low-born or too Irish to be part of the Franklin family isn’t grounded in historical fact.

#2. Lady Jane Franklin

Again disclaimer: the real Lady Franklin left behind a legacy with much to critique. Those who rightfully point out the racism of her treatment of the young indigenous Tasmanian girl Mathinna should be fully heard out. Observations of her own contributions to imperialism are important and valid. Though I tend to see her feud with Dr. John Rae as somewhat understandable – given that Lady Franklin didn’t have the benefit of our hindsight knowing Rae was correct – the levels of prejudice that she enabled and even encouraged in the writing of Charles Dickens when he attempted to discredit Inuit accounts of Franklin’s fate are inarguably deplorable. These things being said, everything noted for Sir John re: Sophia Cracroft goes for Lady Franklin as well – there’s no reason to imagine a scene where Jane would bully Francis Crozier within an inch of his life, seconds after a failed second proposal, when, historically, Lady Franklin felt the situation was so delicate that it required the quiet and compassionate intervention of Sir James Clark Ross, a dearly loved mutual friend to all parties. Tension does not imply aggression; conflict is not abuse. We know this can’t have been an easy experience for the historical Francis Crozier, but the picture is a lot more complicated than what can be shown in one small subplot of a ten-episode television show. Because of this complexity, however, Lady Franklin’s social deftness suffers in the show. (I could also write an entire essay about Jane Franklin’s last shot in the show, at the beginning of Episode 9: The C the C the Open C – TL;DR is that framing is very important, and, at the very last moment, the show reframes Lady Franklin as a mutilated corpse, a speaking mouth without a brain, which is….. a choice.)

And, at number 1, the person done most dirty by The Terror (2018) is….

#1. Charles Frederick “Freddy” Des Voeux

Look. I’m biased here because I am fed daily information about the historical Freddy Des Voeux from @frederickdesvoeux so I’ve become, I think understandably, a bit attached.

But this is very plainly the clearest cruelty the show does to a historical figure – the historical Des Voeux was a very young man (only around 20 when the ships set sail) known always as “Frederick or Freddy” to his family, and described by all parties as bright and sweet – Fitzjames said that he was “a most unexceptionable, clever, agreeable, light-hearted, obliging young fellow, and a great favourite of Hodgson’s, which is much in his favour besides,” and described him cheerfully helping to catch specimens for Goodsir. Des Voeux is named “dear” by Captain Osborn in Erasmus Henry Brodie’s 1866 poem on the Franklin Expedition (43) and Leo McClintock reported the young man’s well-known “intelligence, gallantry, and zeal” in his 1869 update to his account of the Franklin Expedition’s fate (xlii). None of this is consistent with Des Voeux’s behaviour in the show, especially in the later episodes.

To reduce Des Voeux to an easily-detested figure, over whose death one might cheer, is not a kindness – the creation of a narrative where his death is satisfying does damage to the memory of a real person, a barely-more-than-teenager who died in the cold of the Arctic and left behind only scraps of a shirt and a spidery signature in the bottom margin of a fragmentary document.

Television shows may need their villains, but it’s important to remember that real life isn’t like that. Surely the historical Frederick Des Voeux was most likely not a perfect person, and, as an upper class officer contributing to a British imperial project, he does bear some responsibility for the harm done by the Franklin expedition, but it’s not accurate to assume he was any less worthy of sympathy than the other officers who considered him a friend – those men whom we now venerate, like James Fitzjames. So as far as I’m concerned, Freddy Des Voeux deserves at least as much consideration, care, and compassion from us.

#franklin expedition #franklin expedition fictions #the terror #the terror amc #terrorposting #long post

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