#maybe even a ‘send her a dick pic or make her cry and I’ll kill you’
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🥰
#just dreaming about my future love having a tumblr#and when our relationship becomes official#they instantly put on their bio#‘proud owner of @rosicheeks’#or some cute shit like that#maybe even a ‘send her a dick pic or make her cry and I’ll kill you’#or something extreme like that#I just want everyone to know when they come on their blog#that I’m theirs and they’re mine#and they’ll do anything for me#maybe throw in a ‘proud owner of the most beautiful girl’#bahhhhh#I just want to be worshipped pls 😤#shut up rosie
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(1) New Message from Unknown Number
main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part
Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.
A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)
Warnings: swearing, dumbassery
Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen
Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like
Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc
Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…
Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd
Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so
Unknown Number: Here u go
Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc
Unknown Number: also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like
Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya
Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move
Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?
Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?
Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt
Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him
Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space
Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty
Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam
Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go
Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u
Unknown Number: Bucky
Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky
Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???
Unknown Number: Sheit srry
Unknown Number: Is been A long night
Unknown Number: nd week
Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month
Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u
Unknown Number: It‘s cool
Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot
Bonky: Yeah
Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH
Bonky: U wanted me to lie?
Girl with asshole ex: Fair point
Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic
Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk
Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat
Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?
Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place
Girl with asshole ex: Girls night
Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH
Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject
Bonky: I don’t even know your name
Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd
Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me
Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe
Girl with asshole ex: Babe?
Girl with asshole ex: BABE?
Girl with asshole ex: Fine
Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv
Bonky: I’ll think about it
Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u
Girl with asshole ex: Not fair
Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?
Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove
Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda
Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn
Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe
Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers
Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky
Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao
Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute
Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name
Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?
Girl with asshole ex:
Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair
Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn
Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute
Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing
Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself
Girl with asshole ex: Babe
Girl with asshole ex: Babe?
Girl with asshole ex: BABE?
Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me
Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this
Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u
Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me
Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME
Girl with asshole ex: Babe?
Girl with asshole ex: Fine
Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N
Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?
Babe: fcuk u
Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all
Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?
Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours
Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up
Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho
Bonky: I gave up two hours ago
Babe: Quitter
Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe
Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon
Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow
Babe: Ok MOM
Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you
Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw
Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched
Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon
Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies
Bonky: Good night babe
*
Babe: What the shit
Bonky: I see you survived
Babe: Barely
Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime
Babe: TMI sorry
Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly
Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo
Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you
Babe: I am going to kill Wanda
Babe:Ugh I need coffee
Babe: I’ll talk to you later
Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe
*
Babe: So
Babe: BABE
Bonky: Yes baby?
Babe:
Bonky: Nah, you love it
Babe: Fine
Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do
Bonky: What do I get in return?
Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?
Bonky: Not enough
Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you
Bonky: Eh, you can do better
Babe: What do you WANT?
Bonky: A pic of you in return
Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv
Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry
Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look
Babe: That sounds reasonable
Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange
Babe: Fine, you first then
Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know
Bonky:
Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?
Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event
Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk
Bonky:
Bonky: Are you always this annoying?
Babe: …
Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me
Babe: Do you have one in a suit?
Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?
Bonky: Hold on
Bonky:
Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?
Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know
Bonky: Fine, I warned you
Babe: Shit sorry
Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha
Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?
Babe: Uhm how should I put this?
Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself
Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?
Babe: Oh yeah
Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”
Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now
Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her
Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”
Babe: Uh yeah so here
Babe: 1 Photo Attached
Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?
Babe: Sure
Babe: Hey
Bonky: Baby?
Babe: Yeah?
Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”
Babe: Oh God
Bonky: Stop being an idiot
Bonky: And listen to me
Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life
Babe:
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes oneshot#social media au#bucky barnes social media au#bucky barnes au#social media#bucky barnes texts
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I Found
Chapter 5
Sorry this is so long. But it made no sense to split it up. I promised @c-a-v-a-l-r-y som Ovi and I didn’t want to let her down ;) also tagging @alievans007 and @hemmyworthy
“I've got a bone to pick with you,” he says to Ovi three hours later. It was a conversation that would be best done in private, but with thousands of miles and countless hours separating them, face time was the next best thing. “A big fucking bone.”
The kid looks good. Taller. Muscled. More mature in the face. It is surprising how someone can change in the course of just a year.
“What did I do?” Ovi laments. “I didn't do anything.”
“Cut the shit, kid. You know what you did. What was the first thing I told you? When Esme gave you her email and her cell number?”
“To make sure that I didn't accidentally send her anything dirty off the internet. And to make sure none of my friends got my phone and sent her dick pics.”
“Okay. What was the second thing I told you then? Do you remember? The second and more important thing.”
His brow furrows as he strains to remember. Then his eyes widen when he realizes his mistake.
“Yeah, you got it now, don't you, mate. You figured it out. I specifically told you not to message her about serious shit. That if you got any chatter about bullshit going on over there that you were to get a hold of me. Not her. So why the fuck up?”
“I don't know,” Ovi laments. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it. I just did. I didn't mean to. It just happens.”
“That's the kind of bullshit excuse guys make when they fuck someone else or knock someone up.”
The kid frowns. “What?”
“Never mind. Point is, you opened a whole can of worms over here, mate. You really stirred the shit pot. Can you guess what happened? Can you just guess?”
“You got into a fight?”
“You're damn right we did. And this wasn't your normal fight about leaving the seat on the shitter up or leaving dirty socks on the bedroom floor or drinking the last of the milk straight out of the carton. This was the kind of shit show that happens when your girl asks you if she looks fat in what she's wearing and you say the wrong thing. This was almost months...if not years...of me sleeping on the couch, kid. And I'm sorry but I kind of like sharing a bed with my wife. You're lucky I can't reach through this thing and strangle the ever loving shit out of you.”
“I'm glad you can't. That ending would not be good.”
“No. It wouldn't. You really freaked her out, kid. She's fifty shades of fucked over here. And not fucked in the fun way. Her nerves are all over the bloody place now. She's freaking the hell out. And I'm the one that has to do battle against that demon. Not the particular hill I want to die on.”
“Die? Why would you die? She's going to kill you? I don't want her to kill you because of me. Let me talk to her. Let me...”
“It's a bloody saying, mate. But with the state of the things over here, she just may smother me in my sleep or poison my food. I know you didn't mean to do it, but fuck mate, what a goddamn mess.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just thought...I don't know...I just thought maybe it was better to talk to her. So you wouldn't get upset with me.”
“So I get upset with her instead? Well played, kid. Well played. Don't let it happen again, okay? You come to me. If it is shit like this. She doesn't need it. She's got enough shit to deal with. Don't add to her plate.”
“I'll call her. To apologize.”
“Just leave her alone for now. Let her come to grip with things. It's not a good time right now. She's not in a good place. So do me a favour and just hold off, okay?”
“Okay. I really am sorry, Tyler. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just thought maybe she could help so I wouldn't have to come to you. Please don't hate me.”
“I could never hate you, mate. You know that. So what's up? What's going on? I only got so much out of her before shit hit the fan.”
Ovi delves into a tale of increasingly suspicious and frightening behaviour. What started out as simple hang ups on his cell and home line had someone transformed into dead animals left at the front door, graphic images sent to his email of dead bodies blown apart by bullets, warnings to watch his back when he was out on the street; that he better have eyes on the back of his head. And within the last two days things had really stepped up: extremely vivid descriptions of how and where he would meet his untimely demise.
“Let me guess,” Tyler says. “The bridge.”
Ovi nods. He looks as if he may cry. Or throw up. Or both.
“Mother fuckers,” Tyler mutters, and rakes a hand through his hair. “Did you tell the guys watching you all this? What did they say?”
“They said to just ignore it. That it was probably just someone playing a sick joke.”
“Rookies. You always take this shit seriously. Did you call Nik?”
“She's the one who told me to call you. But I got scared and I called Esme instead.”
“Scared of me? Why?”
“You get so angry. You get so angry and you said the doctor said you're going through a lot of stuff and...”
“Yeah my brain's mighty fucked up but that doesn't mean you keep shit from me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, kid. You should know that by now. Outside of this, how are things going? How's school? What about the cute girl that you said you've been checking out for a while?”
Ovi is clearly relieved with the change in conversations. And he willingly and happily dives into tales of both his school exploits and his social life. The kid's become the hell of a story teller since coming out of his shell'; leaving no stone unturned, no details (even the most trivial out). And his face is content and his voice animated and it's almost enough for Tyler to forget about the shit the kid is dealing with. Alone, without the protection and the guidance of his father, with nothing more than servants, maids, and bodyguards to give him necessary human contact and care. It's a shit life. Sure, the money was great. And everything that came with having that kind of money. But how do you live day in and day out knowing what kind of prick your old man is? Knowing he's responsible for putting drugs out onto the streets and into the hands of vulnerable kids? Always having it on your mind that he was capable of killing another person?
That last part hits hard. He was that man. He was more than capable of taking a life. He'd shown it hundreds of times. And he wonders if he'll ever tell his daughter about that side of him. About his mercenary days. And how she would react to the news. It would suck coming from someone else, he supposed. Honesty was the policy. But how to tell your kids about something like that without totally fucking them up? Without them hating you?
That last part is a brutal kick in the nuts. The thought of his daughter hating of...thinking less of him...well it fucking kills him. And he briefly closes his eyes and struggles to get that thought of his mind.
“Tyler?” Ovi's voice. “Are you okay?”
He gives a reassuring smile. “I'm fine mate. Just a killer headache. It's been a long day. So there's nothing on the girl front? You haven't made your move yet? What's wrong with you?”
“I'm nervous,” he laments. “I don't know what to say to her.”
“I'm going to have to give you some pointers when I get there. Light a fire under your ass.”
“You're coming? Here?”
“Looks like it. But there's a lot to work out. I've got to get a hold of Nik and make some arrangements. It's going to take a few days at least. And my wife won't let me come alone...”
The kid's entire face lights up. “All three of you are coming? I get to meet the baby?”
“I'm not making any promises, okay? There's things that Esme and I need to talk about and work out. But she's pretty adamant about not letting me go alone and I've learned to pick my battles. Do me a favour, would you? Send me those pictures you got. Did you take any photos of the shit sent to the house?”
“Of course. I do remember some things you told me.”
“Send those to me too. What about the calls? You get any numbers?”
“All unknown numbers.”
Tyler knew it was too much to ask for things to be simple for once.
“I want you to send me anything and everything you have. And don't breathe a word of this to anyone around you, got it? Not a word. Not what's happening, not who you've been talking to. Don't even say my name. Less people know, the better. I'm still not sure if those fuckers know I'm alive or not. But let's just be on the safe side for now.”
They know, he thinks, as Ovi rambles some more about school and the girl he likes and how excited he is that he's going to be getting pointers from someone with experience. His friends know shit, after all. They're just as green and awkward as he is.
They know I'm alive. That's the only reason for this. They're trying to get me back there. And if they know I'm alive, they'll figure out my name. And once they know my name, nothing will be able to stop them from finding out where I am. Where I live. With my wife and my child.
And suddenly, it all becomes so much more serious than he initially thought.
*****
“What are you doing?” Esme asks later, as finds him at the kitchen table, the laptop open in front of him, a pen and a pad of paper off to the side. “Watching porn? Learning new moves? You have to write them down so you'll remember?”
“Smart ass,” he grins, and she stands behind his chair and rubs his shoulders before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He watches as she crosses the room; the way she has to stand on her tip toes to get a coffee mug down from its shelf. That simple movement and the stretch of her arm causing the bottom of her t-shirt to rise up. Not only revealing a slice of the tattoo that covers her entire left rib cage, but gives him a peek of that ass clad in a lacy pair of black boy shorts.
“Don't you have any clothes of your own?” he inquires, as she pours a mug of tea from the pot she'd prepared before heading for a shower. “I swear that's all your shit taking up the room in the closet but you're always wearing my things.”
“I like your shirts better,” she replies. “They smell like you.”
That sounds like a good enough reason as any, he supposed.
“Baby asleep?” he asks, as she slips into the chair across from him.
“Finally. She was hungry again. She is your daughter. A bottomless pit for a stomach”
“She's growing,” he reasons, a hint of sadness in his voice. “I see it every day. How much she's changing. She pays more attention now. She looks for us when we talk to her. She smiles.”
“And before long she'll be bringing her first boyfriend home and asking to go on birth control.”
His eyes narrow as he stares at her. Long and hard.
She smiles and innocently sips her tea.
“Did your father go gray at an early age? Did you give him wrinkles? Cause him to drink excessively?”
“He had five kids altogether. I'm the second last. So he was already a wrinkly, gray haired, borderline alcoholic before I came along. And you know why ? Because had three boys before me.”
“Yeah, I'm sure that is exactly what caused his issues. The three sons that came before the first daughter. “
“You don't know my brothers,” she reasons.
It's true. He doesn't. They've never actually come face to face. He's seen pictures and vice versa and he's briefly chatted with them on the phone, but he knows very little about them. Nor do they know much about him. All they really did know was that their sister went on a 'business trip', hooked up with some random Australian, and never went back to Colorado. He was a mystery to them; ex army, someone that travelled a lot for work, got mixed up in some bullshit that ended up with him in the hospital and needing months of recovery. They knew his name. What he looked like. His age and where he was from.
But that's where the details stopped. Their wedding was small and secretive. She didn't tell her family there was a baby on the way until the last month arrived. Or why she had to be 'laid off' from work. It was messy and complicated; a lot of little white lies gathering into one huge fib. But it was for their own good.
“They're bat shit insane,” she adds. “They're savages.”
“My kind of savage or...?”
“Baby, there is no one out there that is your kind of savage. They're normal savage. They're normal human beings that do normal human being things. And we're...well we're...”
“Fucked up?”
“Well I was going to say complex but you always have had a way with words.
Leaning back in her chair, she stretches her legs out and rests her feet in his lap. Quietly sipping her tea as his one hand disappears under the table; dragging his knuckles slowly up and down the top of her foot, then along the bottom. Slowly, methodically. His eyes focused on that pad of paper as his right hand mindlessly scribbles and doodles. He's hard to read; a million and one things going through that beautiful head of his. Memories of his previous life. The things he's seen. The things he's done. Replays of conversations that they'd had today on the beach, the argument that they'd found themselves embroiled in. And more than likely some thoughts of Ovi and what ever had happened during their behind closed doors face chat. It wasn't cause for concern when Tyler fell quiet; he was a man of few words, the strong and often silent type. It was when he grew quiet and he got THAT look. Where his brow furrowed and his eyes darkened and he'd absentmindedly (and repeatedly) dragged his top teeth along his bottom lip. That twas when you should worry.
“What's up?” she asks casually. This is a thin line to teeter upon. Like walking across thin ice that you can hear cracking under your feet.
“Just tired,” he replies with a small smile, tilting his head to the side and causing his hair to fall across his forehead.
His knuckles continue to brush against her foot; over each toe and down the instep before travelling onto the ankle and down onto her heel and over the bottom. In the past few months he'd become increasingly needy when it came to physical touch. Both seeking it and giving it. Not that that wasn't a welcome change. This is a man who'd had to learn what it was like to love again. And to be loved. “It's been a long day,” he adds. “Too much sun. Always make me tired, you know that.”
She nods slowly, both hands clasped around her mug, the rim pressed against her lips.
“I'm sorry,” he says. “About our fight earlier. For some of the things I said. I didn't mean them. I say shit when I get upset. I lash out when I'm pissed off. Always at the people who don't deserve it. And I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that.”
“I know. But to be honest, you were pretty tame. You've said a lot worse over a lot less.”
“Maybe. But I still hate myself for doing it. I shouldn't have snapped like I did. I just wasn't expecting it, you know? It caught me off guard.”
“It's okay,” she assures him, and rubs her toes against his stomach. “And I'm sorry too. It probably wasn't the best time or place to bring all that up.”
“To be fair, that's kind of our history. It's how we met. Letting things happen in the wrong place at the wrong time. Seems to be our go to.”
“Remind me to never tell our daughter that. We're going to have to come up with a really good story for when she asks where she came from. Do you really want to be telling her she was conceived in some flea bag motel in Dhaka while you were trying to rescue a drug dealer's son?”
“Not exactly something you want to tell your kids. We're definitely not a love story that someone would write home about.”
“I don't know. It's the thing movies are made of, don't you think? Two people falling in love in the midst of some crazy shit? Surviving things that would kill most mortals? I'd watch it.”
“Would there be nudity?” he teases. “I'd watch if if there was nudity.”
“If it's about us, there'd be tons of nudity,” she says with a wink, and he can't help but chuckle. Their sex life has always been epic. Right from the very beginning.
“And I'm sorry for bringing Austin up,” she adds, and he glances up at the mention of his son. “I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have stooped that low.”
“You didn't stoop low. You had a right to bring him up. I know I don't talk about him much. And you know I don't like to talk about him. But you were right. I do think that way. I do feel guilty at times. I feel like a shit father who is forgetting about him. Who doesn't love him anymore because I brought another kid into the world to take his place.”
“She isn't taking his place, Tyler. That isn't why she's here. She's here because two people fell in love and they made something so incredible together. There's no other reason. She's here because she's meant to be. And she's here as her own person. She isn't a replacement.”
“I know. I do. But I can't help but think that way some time. My brain is fucked up. All those fucking pills...” he jerks his head in the direction of the microwave stand. Where a wide variety of medications prescribed in his name take up residence in a locked drawer. Pills for the pain. Pills to help him sleep. Pills for anxiety. Pills for depression. Pills for every single fucking thing under the sun. “...they fuck with my head. Some days I can't even remember what day it is.”
“That's not the pills. That's old age.”
He smirks. “First a Viagra joke and now a crack at my age? Do you want a divorce?”
“Not particularly, no. I kind of like having you around. I think I'll keep you.”
“Yeah? Good. Because I kind of like hanging out here. The food's good. I get my laundry done. I get laid on a regular basis. Things could be a lot worse, I figure.”
“You mean like sleeping on the couch for the rest of your naturally born life?” she teases, and he nods in agreement. Once again they fall into a comfortable silence; no noise except for the tick of the kitchen clock, the slight drip of the tap, and the hum of the laptop's fan. “So?” she eventually asks. “What are you doing?”
Sighing heavily, he turns the laptop to face her. The screen displaying one of the photos that Ovi had sent him: a headless cat with its blood smeared on the front door.
She grimaces. “I won't lie. I wish it was porn you'd been watching.”
“Ovi sent me these. And a whole bunch of others. Just weird and creepy shit for the most part. But whoever is doing this isn't messing around. It's all very deliberate.”
“You don't think they're just trying to scare him.”
“This goes above and beyond just trying to scare someone. This is bonafide psychotic bullshit. Whoever is doing this, they're after him. They're sincere with their threats. They're too invested in this. It's not just some passing fancy or some kid doing shit because they think it makes them look cool. This is the real deal. This is scary shit.”
“So he's definitely in danger.”
“No doubt in my mind. Maybe if it just went as far as the hang ups and the pictures, I'd say it's just someone fucking around. But the dead animals? The threats? The letters? That shit is very real.”
“Someone attached to Asif? Or even someone pissed off at Ovi's father?”
“This is definitely someone that's pissed off that Ovi got away and Asif died. Don't get me wrong; Nik had every reason to shoot him in the fucking head. But it is coming back to bite us all in the ass.”
She nods slowly, considering his words. “What's this?” she inquires, as she leans forward and picks up the note pad.
“Just some research I've been doing. Names mostly.”
Her eyes study what he has scrawled, eyes narrowing at one particular name. “Farhad? That one sounds familiar.”
“It should. That's the little fucker that shot me in the neck and nearly killed me.”
“Hmmm...” she traces a finger over each letter, as if committing it to memory. “...no last name.”
“None that any of my contacts could come up with. I'm sure I'll be able to find him if I put some feelers out.”
“Why would you want to? To kill him?”
“To talk to him. He's probably behind this bullshit. Why would you say kill him right off the hop like that?”
“Well, I wouldn't exactly blame you if you wanted to kill him,” she reasons. “Or if you did kill him. I think it's a reasonable response considering he almost killed you.”
“I'm not out for revenge. I'm out to help Ovi. This isn't about me.”
“But revenge isn't always a bad thing,” she gently argues. “And I think in this case...in our case...it's the only natural response.”
Tyler frowns. “He's a kid.”
“That shot you in the neck.”
“He's still a kid.”
“Why does that matter? Look at what he did.”
“He was only doing it to impress some drug lord dick head. Now he's probably up to shit thinking he's big and bad because he did supposedly kill me. But he's still a kid. A fucked up kid. But still a kid.”
“A kid that tried to fucking kill you!” she snaps, and he blinks at the anger in her voice. It's the first time she's ever truly snapped at him. Not the little flip outs she has when she has to tell him twenty times to do something or when she's tired and he's getting on her last damn nerve. This was different. This was rage. Vehemence. And those were the eyes of a woman possessed.
A woman out for blood.
“Well he didn't succeed did he? I'm still here. It's water under the bridge.”
“The bridge. The fucking bridge! Always the fucking bridge!”
“The bridge? What the fuck...?”
“The bridge! The bridge where he shot you! The bridge where you almost fucking died! I was on that bridge too! I was the one that held you when you were dying. I was the one that had your blood all over me. I was on that fucking bridge too, Tyler!”
“I know,” he rubs and squeezes her foot in an attempt to settle her down. “I know you were. But just calm down and...”
“Don't you fucking tell me to calm down,” she snaps, and yanking her foot out of his lap, pushes her chair away and jumps up with so much force that it nearly topples over. “Don't you do that. Don't you act like my feelings aren't valid!”
“I wasn't. That's not what I was trying to do. I know you were there. I know what you saw. And I wish every day it never came down to that. That you never had to see that. But I can't go back and change it. Didn't you say that to me today? That I can't go back in the past and change how I did things? This is the same thing.”
“No. It's not. It's the same damn thing at all! Don't you dare try and downplay this.”
“Esme...settle down...just take a breath...take a breath and let's talk about this calmly. Reasonably. Please...” he reaches for her and she slaps his hands away. “I'm not the enemy here, love. I'm not the bad guy. Don't push me away. You've been trying to do that for almost a year now. And I haven't gone anywhere yet.”
“How can you just sit there and be so calm about this?” she snags the pad of paper. “How can you act like this doesn't matter any more? That this name...this fucking name!...doesn't mean anything to you.”
“Because it doesn't. He isn't the first person that has tried to kill me. And he probably won't be the last.”
“Jesus Christ, Tyler. Are you really trying to normalize this?”
“It's the nature of the beast. All part of the job. You knew that when Nik dragged you into this. You really think he's the first asshole to try and kill me?”
“He's the first asshole that's tried to kill you right in front of me!”
Sighing, he runs his hands over his hair and through his hair and then leads back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest. “Maybe you should stay behind. Maybe it's better if you and the baby stay here.”
She stares at him incredulously. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“If shit hits the fan, which it probably will, it's probably best if you're not there. You went through it once. You don't need to see something like that again.”
“So you just wander off like you're fucking John Rambo and I stay with our baby...your baby...while you get killed?”
“What is this obsession with me getting killed? Do you really have that little faith in me?”
“Oh don't you play that card with me. I'm the only one around here that has had faith in you.”
“Then what the fuck is going on? What is happening right now? Because I honestly have no idea.”
“You're not a stupid man, Tyler Rake.”
“Well I must be because I have no fucking clue what you're going on about.”
“You almost died. You're not just some random of the street. Not some guy I was just randomly fucking. You're my husband. The father of my child. And you have the gall to ask me why I'm so upset? Oh I don't know Tyler. Maybe I'm upset that I saw you get shot in the neck and you were bleeding out all over me. Maybe that has something to do with it, do you think?”
“Okay settle down. Just settle down. Before you say something totally stupid you'll regret. I get it. I do. But you've got to let it go.”
“I'm never going to let this go. Not until this piece of shit...” she tosses the pad down onto the table. “...is lying dead in the street. I want revenge. You deserve that.”
“I don't want that. We got revenge when Nik killed Asif. Isn't that enough?”
“No. It's not. It won't be enough until that little bastard is stone cold dead and in hell where he belongs.”
And with that, she storms out of the room.
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can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 10
pairing: dan howell/phil lester
rating: e
warnings: none
tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love
word count: 4,286 for this chapter (45,795 total)
summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.
read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!
read this chapter on ao3 or here!
"Daniel?"
Dan blinks. He blinks again, zoning back into the conversation he's supposed to be a part of.
"Er," he says, sheepish. "What was the question?"
"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Daniel?" the woman asks - the interviewer asks, fuck, this is like the sixth time he's asked her to repeat herself. "I heard you were ill yesterday, weren't you?"
He wasn't. But that is what Jaime and Patrick had sworn up and down to anyone who asked, because they're good partners in crime like that. They look like they regret it now.
"Yeah, Daniel," Jaime says, stressing his name in a way that makes Dan think she's one more fuckup from smacking him in the back of the head. He'd probably deserve it, at this point. He can't remember being this scatterbrained in his whole life, and that's saying something. "You sure you're okay being out of bed?"
The word 'bed' gets stressed too, just a bit, and Dan feels a flush creeping up his neck.
It's honestly unreasonable how he can't seem to focus on the task at hand, which is answering softball questions about the show he's worked on for three years, because his mind keeps drifting back to Phil.
Phil, who he'd left in bed with Thor, all sleepy noises and grumpiness at Dan needing to leave. Phil, who has the day off and might still be mostly naked and lazy while he waits for Dan to come back. Phil, who he only has three days left with.
Three more days in London. Two sleeps. And Dan has shit to do every single goddamn day of it.
This is a work trip, technically. They've got a handful of interviews the next two days that couldn't be scheduled for their first London stretch, and then they're going to France. That's exciting, it is, a mark of success that Dan never expected for himself, but right now he's frustrated by anything that cuts into the time he could be using to kiss Phil.
Dan is so busy remembering how Phil's mouth had felt against his that he forgets to answer the question. He can practically feel his eyes glaze over.
"Daniel," Patrick says, audibly exasperated.
It takes a lot to get Patrick to that point, so Dan ducks his head and mumbles another apology.
"He's fine," Jaime tells the very nice and concerned interviewer whose name Dan has long forgotten. "He's just got a lot on his mind right now and he's really shit at multitasking."
"Hey," says Dan. It's a weak protest.
The interviewer is a tall woman with kind eyes that crinkle into laughter lines when she smiles at him. She's dressed casually, has a denim jacket with patches and pins all over it, and Dan feels his eyes linger at the rainbow on her pocket.
What is that like? To be so certain and so confident that you can wear it on your sleeve even in a professional environment? Dan doesn't know that he'll be able to get there.
He wants to compliment her on it. It's the same urge he had in the restaurant with Phil's family, vocalizing that he wishes he could wear more nail polish. The same swirling anxiety of being judged for it follows quickly, but this time it's amplified by the recording device in the interviewer's hand, the knowledge that anything he says right now will be analyzed to death later.
Dan wants to live authentically, and he wants to get to a place where he doesn't need to hide, but he's frustrated by the reality of how much progress that's going to take. It's not going to be easy, it already hasn't been, and it's never going to stop.
Even with making a name for himself and having an audience, Dan knows that coming out publicly still won't stop strangers from making assumptions about him or demanding an explanation for the women he's been seen with. He'll have to come out over and over and - it's scary. It's really scary.
The compliment catches in his throat. He can't say it to someone recording him, no matter how kind her eyes are. He hasn't even told his grandma yet.
"I like your jacket," he says instead. He feels like a coward for it.
"Thanks," the woman says brightly, looking down at herself and tapping one of her bigger patches. "Customized it myself, obviously. It's a wee bit more colourful than you like to be seen in, right?"
The casual chirping helps Dan relax, reminds him that this is a laid-back interview with easy questions. Nobody is shining a heat lamp on him and asking for an expose on how he spent part of last night inside of another man.
He grins and shrugs. "Yeah, alright, I wear a lot of black. Sue me. I can still think colours look nice on some people."
Great. Now he's thinking about Phil again.
"Like Jaime," Patrick offers, tugging at one of Jaime's bubblegum braids. Dan still can't tell if it's a wig or not, but she smacks Patrick's hand away like it's her own hair.
"That's true," says Dan. "Jaime wears as much black as I do, though, I dunno that she's the best example."
Patrick nods, solemn. "At least her hair is interesting."
"Oi, fuck you. Sorry," Dan adds sheepishly. Even though this is an online print interview, he still feels a little bit of shame whenever he slips up and curses during an interview.
The woman - Cara? Catherine? Camilla? Ca-something? - just laughs and waves his apology off.
With an ease that Dan can't help but notice isn't quite as practised as Phil's, the interviewer moves on to questions about their other cast members. While they don't have any trouble making fun of each other, it's even more fun to exaggerate stories of people who aren't here to defend themselves.
Dan tries so hard to participate. He does. He laughs in all the right places and gives Jaime grief for not remembering something right, because he's given this poor interviewer nothing of substance. The thing is that Jaime is better at telling stories and Patrick is so dry and stoic with interrupting jokes that Dan knows he isn't needed for this. He lets them bicker over a story detail that he's long forgotten and feels himself start to zone back out.
He listens to Patrick's slow timbre, Jaime's trill of a laugh, and lets his mind drift back to where it wants to be.
--
Even though it's tempting, Dan isn't stupid enough to text Phil in the middle of doing his fucking job. He has to resort to checking his phone between interviews and pictures, getting more and more pouty about the lack of response to the things he's sending throughout the morning. Phil must be having a lie-in, because it takes him a couple of hours to even see Dan's texts.
ugh i should have just stayed in bed
pls send thor pics
and you pics but like give me a heads up if your dick is out im at work
i dropped my coffee on jaimes lap fml shes gonna kill me
im just so distracted lmaooo
canft believe youre just asleep thats so rude
Oh nooooooo. I always cry over spilt coffee :( you want me to bring you one? I can come hang out for lunch!
The sweet text is accompanied by a photo of Thor asleep on the sofa, his little head pillowed on Phil's knee. Phil is wearing Dan's pyjama pants and - it's hard to tell for sure, with the way the photo is angled, but Dan thinks he's got the Friends shirt on. Frankly, that should be gross. Dan wore that shirt for way too long for it not to smell like, well, his sweat, and that is objectively not sexy.
Dan feels gooey warmth spread from his stomach outwards, anyway. Maybe it is gross, but it makes him happy to think about Phil's shirt smelling like him the way that his own Yeezy shirt still faintly smells like Phil. He covers his mouth with a hand so nobody milling around will see him grinning like an idiot.
thats ok, Dan texts back one-handed. yall look comfy you should stay. i'll b back for dinner and snuggles ok?
Ok! ^_^
God, but Dan wants to be there now. He wants to be the one cuddled up with his head in Phil's lap. He recognises that it's very stupid to be jealous of a dog, but he isn't going to let that stop him.
"Hey, Howell." Patrick's voice interrupts the daydream of slender fingers carding through Dan's hair.
Dan blinks. He blinks again, looks up.
"I didn't even see you sit down," Dan tells him, bemused. They're sharing a bench in the building's lobby, not wanting to go too far in case they need to go back upstairs for more photos during the short break in their day.
"Yeah, you're on another planet," says Patrick. Dan wishes he could argue that fact. "Things went well with your whole Love Actually emergency, then?"
The reference pulls Dan up short. He feels his brow furrow as he walks through the entire film in his head. "What are you talking about? None of this happened in Love Actually."
"It's British, isn't it," Patrick says nonsensically.
"I don't," Dan starts, but then he gives up. He and Patrick are close as coworkers - friends, even - but Dan never quite understands the links that Patrick's brain makes. "It went well. It went really well. I don't know if Jaime told you everything I texted her, but I like... fully ended up meeting the family."
Patrick's eyebrows raise slightly. That's quite a reaction, from him. "You met the parents? Bro. You just started dating."
They're not in an overly crowded area, but people keep waking by them on their way in or out of the building, so Dan is pleasantly surprised to discover that Patrick can play the pronoun game, too.
"Yeah," says Dan. He doesn't want to get into the mix-up right now. He's sure that Patrick will have another incomprehensible reference when he hears about it. "But it just feels... I dunno. Right? In a way other people haven't? Maybe that's obvious."
"It's not obvious," says Patrick. He's snapping a hair elastic around his wrist idly, the gesture something Dan had thought was an expression of annoyance or frustration when they first met. Dan knows now that it means Patrick is tired, that he wants to shove his hair off his shoulders and stop it from tickling his neck. They're only halfway through their day, though, still a couple of photoshoots to get through, so he can't put his hair up just yet.
Dan knows so much about these people. He's learned it all from such close proximity for the past three years, but he also genuinely likes spending time with them. He feels, suddenly, very guilty for wishing cancellation on this thing they've all worked so hard for.
"Sorry," Dan says.
"For what?"
He doesn't really know how to voice it. He shrugs. "For being a shit coworker right now."
Patrick gives him an indecipherable look and shakes his head. "Daniel," he says, "you're not being a shit coworker."
"I kind of am, though," says Dan. "Like I can't focus at all, I'm missing interviews, and I... I don't know how much I want to go back to Atlanta. Is that bad?"
"Why would that be bad?" Patrick hums. "This is your home."
Home isn't an easy concept for Dan to wrap his head around. He hadn't had a happy one for most of his life, hadn't been able to find somewhere that felt quite right ever since he escaped that. So it's a little disconcerting when Patrick's words settle into his chest and feel like indisputable truth.
"London is home," Dan echoes, wondering it it feels just as right coming out of his own mouth. It does. His head is spinning, a bit.
"Yeah," Patrick says, like it's that easy.
Dan gives himself a little shake back into the present. He smiles, wry. "Still, I probably shouldn't be crossing my fingers under tables for the producers to shut us down."
For a moment, Patrick looks confused. Dan is all ready to apologise again, shove those feelings down, but Patrick just says, "So negotiate your contract. You know that you aren't required by law to see the show through to the end, right? You can just not come back for season four, or only come back for a couple episodes instead of a full season."
They're sat in a fairly public area, with other people walking about, but Dan could hear a pin drop in the shattering silence that rings in his ears at Patrick's use of logic.
"I," says Dan, "did not think of that."
Patrick nods. "You kind of tunnel-vision sometimes, has anyone ever told you that?"
--
By the time Dan returns to Phil's building, he's talked himself into and back out of quitting his job a dozen times. It's a dumb decision, but not much dumber than simply waiting for someone else to make the decision for him.
He decides to call Amy when he's in France and talk the options through with her. She's already looking for potential gigs in the UK for him, so hopefully the conversation isn't going to come as much of a surprise to her. The last thing he needs is for his agent to get upset with him over making changes in his life.
Dan's head is buzzing with it, loud enough to give him a headache. He texts Phil that he's outside and waits to be let in. He gets an intrusive domestic fantasy of letting himself in with his own key, and reminds himself to rein in this U-Haul bullshit.
"Hey!" Phil beams as he opens the door and steps back for Dan to come in. Other people live on the other floors, but Phil still leans in for a long kiss the moment the door closes behind Dan.
It sends sparks up Dan's spine and quiets some of the unending noise in his head. He sighs, leans into the kiss, wraps his arms around Phil's waist to pull him even closer.
He's cognizant of where they are, though, so he pulls back to rest their foreheads together after a moment. "Hey yourself."
"Did you have a good day?" Phil asks, his tri-coloured eyes bright and unguarded.
"Yeah, but it's better now," says Dan. He's parroting what Phil said to him yesterday, and he can tell that Phil recognises it from the little smile on his face. "You look nice. You showered just for me?"
Phil laughs and tugs at Dan's wrist, pulling him down the stairs. They've got four left feet between them, honestly, so it's a miracle nobody takes a nosedive.
"Yeah," he says as they narrowly avoid any number of broken bones. He presses Dan against the wall next to his front door and grins at him. "But it was also for the judgey moms at the dog park. You look nicer, you didn't take the makeup off?"
To be honest, Dan had forgotten it was even on his face. He settles his hands on Phil's hips and smiles. "They made me look like the best version of me, why would I erase all their hard work?"
"Mm, you do look pretty," Phil says, and Dan is lucky to have his back against a wall. His knees might have actually buckled at the praise if he was unsupported.
"Pretty, huh?" Dan asks. He tries to keep his tone dry, like it's a big joke, but Phil's big eyes just see too much.
"Very pretty," says Phil. Dan doesn't know how to handle being complimented by Phil's deep, sincere voice, but he isn't given much of a chance to react before Phil is speaking again. "But I don't know that I'd call this the best version of you. You looked really nice when you came, y'know."
"Fuck, Phil," Dan laughs, a little breathless. "I was literally gone for ten hours."
"Ten hours too many," Phil grumbles.
Dan laughs again, but he has to admit that Phil has a point. The day had absolutely dragged on with the knowledge that his probably-boyfriend was waiting for him.
"You wanna go inside, then?" Dan suggests, running his thumbs just under the hem of Phil's clean shirt. "I'll do a lot of things, but this floor is cement, mate. I'm not blowing you out here."
The giggle that's surprised out of Phil makes Dan smile so wide it hurts his cheeks. He smacks the center of Dan's chest lightly and steps back to let them both into his flat. "I was thinking we could, like, order dinner first or whatever, but I'm not going to complain if you want to switch up the itinerary."
"The itinerary," Dan mocks, looking around for a ball of fluff running directly at them as he struggles with his shoes. "Uh, where's Thor?"
"Uh," says Phil. There's colour high in his cheeks that he tries to hide by flopping onto the sofa. The sweats he stole off of Dan don't really leave much to the imagination at all, not when he's sitting like that, and Dan almost loses his balance when he stands up straight. The pink doesn't leave Phil's face, but a knowing smirk joins it. "He's in the bathroom."
Dan's heart skips like an old CD player and he laughs to mask just how fond he is. "Uh huh, and here you are acting like you were really ordering food first."
"Well," Phil says, his smirk growing, "we could still order first, it'd be at least twenty."
"Sounds like a challenge," Dan hums, coming around the sofa to sit on the other end and lean forward, kissing the sliver of skin where Phil's shirt is riding up. "Why don't you do that, and I'll go get a bloody condom."
Phil blushes, proper blushes, and pulls a packet out of his pocket. "Ta-da," he jokes, weakly. "For my next trick -"
"If you say you're going to make your penis disappear," Dan says, flat, "then I'm walking out."
They just look at each other for a long moment, like a staring contest neither of them initiated, and then Phil snorts. That sets them both off and soon enough they're laughing, Dan's nose tucked against Phil's hipbone and Phil's hand over his mouth.
"I wasn't going to say that," Phil insists, still giggling. "I wasn't."
"Sure you weren't." Dan grins up at him and slides up his body, a little less graceful than he'd imagined it in his head. He presses their smiles together and licks into Phil's mouth. A little noise passes between them when Phil's hands find their way into Dan's hair, but Dan isn't sure which of them it comes from.
The giddy feeling of laughter doesn't leave Dan's chest. He lets it make a home there as he trails kisses all over Phil's long, pale neck. He doesn't need to guess when Phil likes something - he squirms and makes these little huffs of noises, grip on Dan's curls tightening just a bit before it loosens again. It feels impossibly powerful to learn how to take Phil apart like this, like they're teenagers snogging on the sofa in their first relationship.
It's strange that this does feel like a first relationship for Dan, in a lot of ways. He loved his first girlfriend and cared about other women he's dated, but it's not the same at all.
Finally, Dan is allowed to feel all the things he's supposed to have felt when he was younger. He's allowed to let budding affection and lust and friendship all wrap up in one person.
"So, the piercings," Dan murmurs, letting his hand slide up Phil's shirt to toy with one of them.
"What about them?" Phil asks. He already sounds impatient and needy, like he had last night, and the sound of it goes straight to Dan's dick.
Dan laughs and sits up, helping Phil get his shirt off over his head. "I mean, do they do things for you? Do they feel good when I touch them? How do you want me to touch them to make them feel good?"
"Do you always ask this many questions during sex?" Phil asks, dry.
There's no point in lying. "Yeah, I tend to babble." Dan gives him a winning smile and taps at Phil's hips, a silent request for him to lift up. Phil does happily, arching up for Dan and letting his stolen sweats get tugged off. "Guess you'll have to shut me up somehow."
Phil laughs, muffling the sound of it with his palm, and shakes his head. He looks so fucking gorgeous like this, giggly and naked and starting to get hard against his thigh. Dan has no idea how he got this lucky.
"That's such a terrible line," Phil informs him, grinning wide. He doesn't seem bothered by Dan being dressed when he isn't. He just settles back against the cushions and wiggles a bit, either trying to get comfortable or just teasing Dan. Either is possible at this point.
"It's not a line," Dan protests, shrugging his jacket off and settling back between Phil's legs. He presses his mouth to Phil's soft tummy and, unable to help himself, blows a raspberry.
Phil kicks out at him, instinctive, and his tongue is trapped between his teeth as he tries to hold back giggles.
"My nipples aren't sensitive," Phil tells him, voice wavering with some combination of amusement and arousal. He drops a hand to wrap around his own cock, thumbing at the metal on the tip of it. "This is. It, like, tugs. It's nice."
Biting back a groan at the sight, Dan digs around for the condom. He impatiently knocks Phil's hand out of the way to get him hard enough that he can roll it on. The piercing just above his balls settles nicely at the bottom of the latex, almost like it's holding it in place. Dan rolls it between his fingers, watches Phil's eyes flutter closed. "And this one?"
"Not as much. Still good, though." Phil's tongue darts out to lick his lips, and Dan grins at the unconscious reminder of what he's meant to be doing.
It's not the most comfortable for them to be laid out on the sofa like this, lanky as they are, but Dan isn't nineteen anymore. His knees do not hold up the way they used to. He wraps his hand around the base of Phil's cock and lets the tips of his fingers idly play with the metal bar as he finally gets his mouth on Phil.
Dan isn't used to the taste of latex accompanying a blowjob, but it isn't unpleasant. He gives Phil a couple of long licks and then sucks lightly at the head, not sure how much pressure Phil likes yet.
That's something he thinks he'd love to learn. He wants to know everything about Phil's body, wants to make him tremble with it.
Dan is extremely offended when he glances up and sees that Phil is tapping something on his phone, but the offense settles when Phil huffs a laugh and says, "Put in for takeaway. All yours, now."
The phone gets put down and Dan tongues at the bump of Phil's Prince Albert ring through the condom. That makes Phil's breath hitch, his hips jerk just a bit.
It's been years since Dan has had a cock in his mouth, but he likes to think it's like riding a bike. He takes Phil deep, hollows out his cheeks, repeats any motion that makes Phil let out soft groans. He forgot how much he likes this, fuck.
Much like everything else, it's somehow impossibly better with Phil.
Phil keeps a hand in Dan's hair and braces the other on the back of the sofa, breathing hard, and Dan doesn't want to close his eyes and miss a fucking moment of this.
"Fuck," Phil breathes, and Dan responds with an answering moan around his dick. "Yeah, alright, that's - fuck, Dan, you feel so good, look so pretty like that."
The praise still makes Dan shudder. He sucks Phil harder, feeling the weight of Phil's cock on his tongue as he speeds up his movements.
Dan remembers blowjobs to be pretty fast. He also never gave one to a man older than twenty, though, and his jaw starts to ache once he realises that Phil isn't going to be pushed over the edge as quickly as he's used to.
He pulls off to give his jaw a break, stroking Phil and pressing his open mouth along the side of him.
"You think I feel nice?" Dan laughs, pleased by the way the gust of air makes Phil's cock twitch. "Fucking, forgot how good this feels."
"Yeah?" Phil prompts, his voice deep and breathy and so, so nice to listen to. No wonder he's so successful on the radio. "You like sucking cock?"
Dan shivers. "Yeah," he says. He's unashamed, because he feels safe here with Phil. He can admit to liking a cock in his mouth, a hand in his hair, being called pretty. "Yours specifically, though."
Phil laughs. "That's good. I like specifically your cock, too." He looks over at his kitchen for a moment and raises his eyebrows. "I'll get dressed and answer the door when the pizza gets here if you can make me come in the next five minutes."
Well. Never let it be said that Dan Howell backs down from a challenge.
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Guys My Age (5)
Pairing: Bucky X Reader
Words: 5187
Warnings: Angst. Then needy smut since y’all seemed to like that shit as much as I love writing it.
A/N: Use protection homies. Better safe than surprised. Also, I uploaded it to AO3 with gifs since I am not allowed to use gifs on this website anymore cause tumblr has a stick up their ass. And hopefully it’s as good as the other chapters.
Previous Part
You've accounted for everything when the day started. You've thought of the different ways Steve can find out about his birthday party. You've thought of so many excuses in case he figured out what you guys had planned. You've prepared everything for the surprise, even going as far as making sure Friday wouldn't give your plans away. You've made sure Tony wouldn't slip up by accident and mention something during your missions.
So yeah, you've definitely accounted for everything. Or so you thought. Too bad you didn't realize this until it was too late.
You were now dealing with the consequences of your, arguably good intentioned, actions.
Rewind to about 4 hours ago, you were on your way to the 50th floor with Steve, telling him that something was some debriefing with other agents that were not up to date with some protocols. When he kept on complaining about how these new agents should've done their jobs instead of being hand-fed the rules, you told him to deal with it and it was probably the last time.
As soon as he opened the door, screams erupted from everyone waiting for him, the look on his face priceless because it was totally worth it to yell at each person that almost told him by accident.
Quickly finding your spot next to Bucky, you kissed his cheek before wrapping your arm around him, his own keeping you as close to him as possible. Soon after, the party began, with Tony giving a stupid speech about the ups and downs of life, and teasing Steve about his suits while Steve retaliated and reminded him of the one time he had to help him out when his suit was stuck in the elevator of Buckingham Palace.
You've stayed next to Bucky the entire night, occasionally excusing yourself to get the two of you drinks or mingle with other people you knew. And whenever you took a little longer than usual, Bucky would shoot you a text asking where you were, replying to not take too long and return to him after you're done.
Smiling at the text, you sent him a quick kissy face emoji before returning to the bar and ordering drinks for you and Natasha. Grabbing the drinks, you turned around and crashed into someone immediately, the drinks spilling all over you and making you step back.
"Shit I'm so sorry I didn't see you there at all. Did anything c-" You froze as soon as you saw who it was, face contorting before you turned around and ordered the same drinks again, apologizing to the bartender and helping him clean up the mess.
"Now now, is that anyway to look at your favorite boyfriend?" You couldn't have snorted any louder at his comment, thanking the bartender before walking around this excuse of a man. Not bothering to reply, you continued walking, trying to look for Natasha.
"Come on Y/N, you can't expect me to believe you've forgotten about me." You remained silent, setting down the drinks at a table before texting her real quick. When he grabbed your arm to get your attention, you stopped moving and stared at him, your death stare making him smile at you.
"Now that I have your attention-"
"If you want to keep your arm, I suggest you let go of mine."
"Baby I specifically remember you liking it when I get a little rough." He chuckled, hands still on your arm and beginning to grip it tighter.
"You have about 10 more seconds before I break it so don't say I didn't warn you."
"Do you really think I'm going to believe those little charades with that dick face. I know you miss me sweetheart. I know what you like and what you don't like. I can play your body like a fucking violin and make you cum with one look-" You cut him off once again.
"Please did you really think I ever came when we had sex? That was me trying not to make you feel bad about your tiny dick, which I assume your new girl toy figured was useless since you couldn't even fucking use it."
That seemed to do the trick, but as soon as he let go of your arm, his fingers wrapped around your neck, slamming you hard against the wall before staring at you.
"Listen here you cock slut, I can make a scene or we can go back to my place quietly. If you don’t, I'll send your brain-washed boyfriend the sweet little pics you sent me when we were together…maybe you'll come back to me then when he breaks up with you." You were about to kick him when someone grabbed him by his hair and pulled him away.
"Listen here sweetheart," Natasha imitated him, whispering something in his ear that you couldn't hear but when he looked like he'd seen a ghost, you knew it wasn't something friendly. He walked away without turning back, leaving you and Natasha exchanging a silent conversation before returning to your group.
The problem was, even when you tried to brush the little exchange aside, smiling and laughing like you always do, Bucky sensed something was off. He didn't want to press you on it, knowing you'll probably just tell him later. As the party went into full swing, Bucky asked you to dance with him, his arms wrapped around your form the entire time and keeping you flush to him. He whispered many things in your ears, from the funniest jokes he heard to the filthiest lines that made you squirm in his arms.
But even though you laughed and sighed against him, he knew whatever happened must've been a little worse than he thought.
"Wanna get some air for a bit?" He asked, taking your hands when you nodded quietly before looking everywhere else but him. When he finally had you for himself, he stepped a little closer, arms cornering you against the railing when you kept on staring out to the city and not at him.
"Baby what's wrong?" Bucky truly didn't want to ask but he had a feeling that you might not tell him as he thought.
"N-nothing." Shit, you loved his sense of intuition so much but right at this moment, it was a curse.
"It's not nothing darling I know you. Somethin' happened. Please, let me help you. What happened?" Bucky cooed against your shoulder, kissing your neck before resting his hands on your stomach. Knowing you weren't going to talk like this, he did the only thing he knew would get you to open up. At times like this, getting a little handsy with you was what did it.
Reaching with his metal fingers, he was about to wrap them lightly against your neck when you flinched and let out a sob.
Something changed in the atmosphere at this moment.
Bucky stepped away in an instant, fear washing over him as he took in what just happened. You turned around as soon as you didn't feel his heat any longer, looking up at him and breath hitching when you saw the way he was gazing at you.
"James wait-" Before you could say anything, Bucky was sprinting back into the room, completely ignoring you. By the time you came back to yourself, you were running around trying to find him when you were grabbed and thrown into a room.
"Didn't I say you should come with me quietly?" Your asshole of an ex was about to kick you when you got out the knife in your holster and stabbed his shoulder, his agonizing scream making you just a little happier.
"Son of a bitch. Look what you made me do! Now he thinks I'm afraid of him." He was about to ask you what you meant when you sank the knife deeper in his muscles, his pleas bringing Steve and Sam rushing into the room.
"What the hell is going on here?" Sam asked before looking down and seeing the man crying on the floor. You told them what happened earlier quickly, telling them you needed to find Bucky as soon as possible.
"Y/N just calm down-"
"I'm not going to fucking calm down Rogers. He thinks I'm afraid of him. Do you know how fucking hard it was to get him to finally trust himself. A long ass time. And now this asshat ruined everything." You started heaving, afraid it was all over with Bucky.
"Buck WAIT-" Those two words were the only warning you got right before you heard the familiar sound of metal plates shifting followed by an even louder scream. You turned around and saw Bucky holding your ex against the wall by his neck, his other hand grabbing the knife and violently taking it out before holding his other hand against the wound.
"Give me one good fucking reason why I shouldn’t snap your neck right now." The man looked like he'd seen the devil in front of him, begging Bucky to not kill him and apologizing to you. You knew Bucky would never kill him but the look in his eyes made you doubt yourself a bit.
"James sweetheart listen to me. He's not worth it. Please. Baby he's nothing. Let's just leave. Come with me Bucky please…please." He still wasn't listening to you, wanting nothing more than to hurt the man in front of him.
"Buck listen to her." Steve stepped through and placed his hand on his shoulder, the action calming him down and making him retract his hold on the man before turning around and looking at you.
For the second time that night, Bucky wished he didn't see you looking at him like this. As if he was an unhinged animal.
And for the second time that night, you had to watch him walk away without so much as a word to you. Turning to Steve, you told him you were going to deal with him before running after Bucky. By the time you caught up to him, he was already in the elevator, not bothering to hold it open for you and hissing when you made it just in time.
"What the hell was that?" You didn't mean to sound angry but you were afraid it would have gone further. When Bucky said nothing, you pushed his shoulder, heart rate increasing when he didn't bother trying to tell you to stop. His back hit the wall, hands grasping the railing so hard it bent under him. When he finally did look at you, your heart broke, the defeated expression he held making you wish you let him have his way with your ex.
"You…why didn't you tell me? I, fuck this was a bad idea…I knew this would happen." He whispered to himself, looking to the increasing numbers on the elevator and wishing it would just let him out already. "You knew what would happen? How many times do I have to tell you, I am not afraid of you. I never was and I never will be." You sounded hurt, trying to see if there was any way you could get this message across.
"Oh yeah, well why did you pull away?" Bucky knew the answer but he didn't want to believe it. Some part of him thought he was the guilty one.
"BECAUSE THAT ASSHOLE ALMOST KILLED ME MINUTES BEFORE! IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! I WAS JUST REACTING TO THE MOTION JAMES NOT TO YOU. I mean for fuck’s sake, I told you I know you’d never hurt me." Your anger seeped through, arms pushing him again before continuing your attack on his shoulders. Bucky didn't bother to try and stop you, almost crying along with you.
"You- you're lying." He sounded broken and you wished you could take back the last hour.
"I would never lie to you James and you fucking know this. And if we're talking about shit that I knew would happen, what was that? Every single time we see him, you manage to keep it together. What the fuck was that huh? Do you have any idea what he's going to say now? They…they might take you from me. I- shit, James I don't know what I'd do if he pressed charges." Panic was evident in your voice, making Bucky scrunch his face and yell back.
"I DID THAT BECAUSE HE SHOULDN’T HAVE LAID A FINGER ON YOU. I DID THAT BECAUSE I PROMISED YOU I WOULD NEVER LET ANYONE HURT YOU AND I COULDN'T KEEP THAT FUCKING PROMISE." The elevator dinged, Bucky watching you walk out first before letting out a laugh.
"Oh yeah because you have to be James Barnes, the man who saves the damsel in distress whenever he could. Unfuckingbelievable." You headed towards the stairs, throwing your bag on the couch and beginning your ascent to your room when you felt a pair of hands wrapping around your waist and pushing your face against the wall.
"Do you wanna say that again to my face sweetheart? Cause the last time I checked, you had no fucking problem with me doing just that every time he pissed you off. Or are you forgetting now?" Bucky whispered in your ear, stopping your oncoming remark with a bite to your neck. You hated the effect he had on you but you couldn't hold back the groan bubbling its way through your lips. “Isn’t that right doll? You fucking love it when I show him who you belong to don’t you? In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that turned you on.” When you whimpered in his arms, he laughed, his hands roaming your body before grabbing you roughly just like you wanted.
“There she is. My pretty doll loves it when I mark her...you live for it Y/N and don’t fucking deny it cause I know. I know how you like it...how you love it when I make you mine every fuckin’ night. You love it when I fuck this tight cunt, makes you wet every time I fuck you with these.” He made sure you knew what he was referring to, grasping you through your clothes with his metal fingers and rubbing your pussy as hard as he could until you melted in his arms.
“B-bucky…” You sighed when he kissed your neck, moaning when you didn’t feel him against you anymore. You turned around in time to see him taking his clothes off and you tried to face him but he combed his hands through your hair before pulling harshly on it and pushing you down against the table near the stairs. You swore from how angry he was and he mocked you again right before spanking your ass.
“Baby I told you...can’t fucking lie to me. Your body speaks for you dollface,” He practically ripped the jacket off of you, not bothering to unzip your pants before pulling them as aggressively as he could down your legs. “Fuck me…” You tried to look back at him but he didn’t give you a chance, his hands going through your panties before pulling on them, the sound of fabric snapping once again turning you on more than it should.
“That’s right baby, you’re fucking mine. Mine. I own this pussy. I own this fucking body...your soul is mine Y/N.” You knew he was saying those things out loud more for himself than to you. His insecurities were shedding off of him like hair from a dog and you wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him he has nothing to worry about. But he needed this. You both needed this. He needed to know he was in charge and he needed to understand you weren’t going anywhere.
So when you heard him unzipping his pants, you braced yourself for the onslaught that was to come. His cock went in with ease and you laughed because he wasn’t wrong. You loved seeing him asserting his dominance, some weird part of you loving it when he made it clear you were his and he was yours. Like the two of you were a pair of fucking animals that bonded for life. “Fuck babygirl, always so tight for me...so hot and wet squeezin the shit outta my cock doll fuck-” He rested his head against your back, sighing and telling you he could die in between your legs.
You held him onto him, hands scratching the arms around your waist and telling him you loved him. “Harder Buck...fuck me, god yes yes wanna feel your cock for days baby harder, fuck me harder please...let me feel you James shit shit.” He bit your shoulder again and you screamed from the pleasure you felt through the pain, biting your lips and telling him you loved it when he was rough.
“Take what you want James...take everything you want, I fucking love it. Love you so much baby fuck you’re so hard yes. Yes!” You continued to encourage him, knowing he needed to hear you now more than ever. You held back the tears waiting to roll down your cheeks, a part of you feeling he might misunderstand and stop, which was the last thing you’d want. His hands moved every second all over your body, wanting to touch you everywhere all at once and keep you as close to him as possible. He knew he should stop and just talk through this but he could do that later. Right now, all he wished was to bury himself so deep inside you until he couldn’t think of anything else other than your pussy clenching hard around him.
You managed to turn your face, wanting to look at his wrecked face as he fucked inside of you over and over again. He wrapped an arm around your chest, pinching and cupping your nipples until you were screaming his name alone. He switched to Romanian and you managed to understand a few words, ones he happened to whisper on your skin every night he fucked you. You told him you loved it when he dirty talked in other languages even though you understood nothing. But there was something special about the Romanian that made your skin flush.
But no matter how much you told him, he didn’t go near your neck. You grabbed for his metal hand and tried to place it around your neck but he refused and pushed your face down further, silently telling you to not ask him again.
“Love you so much doll face, so fucking much. Shit baby you’re always so good for me, your cunt was made for me darlin’, made for my cock. Wanna worship you every minute of every fucking day sweetheart Jesus ffffuck-” He grabbed your forehead and pulled it back, licking and biting the juncture between your neck and shoulder, and leaving wet kisses on every inch of your exposed skin.
“That’s it Y/N, so good for me dollface. Gonna make you cum so hard you only think of me and no one else. No man else. God you’re so good to me tonight...I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry baby I love you.” You were suddenly aware of how scared he was, and cried as soon as you heard his apologies.
“I love you James, love you so much. I- you’re everything to me. Shit ‘m close baby, don’t stop Buck please. Need your cum baby...cum for me, cum inside me James please. Fuck please yes yes,” you went almost hysterical with every second you felt his cock dragging against your wet pussy, legs giving out on you and holding onto his arm so you didn’t fall. “Who do you belong to pretty baby? Who fucking owns this pussy? Hmm, shit baby I’m gonna cum fuck fuck r-right there fffffuck-” He screamed his release against your back, biting down on the flesh until he felt your walls fluttering around his hard cock. When you cried out with him, he immediately lowered his hand, rubbing your clit so hard you felt the blood rushing to every vein in your body.
You tried to hold his hand to make him stop but he didn’t care, slapping your pussy as he came in hot spurts inside you, continuing to fuck you through your orgasm and telling you he’s not even close to finishing with you yet.
You fell on the table in front of you, nails digging into his arms until you felt his cock slip out and you squirting all over his pants. He continued to rub your wet pussy, chuckling against your shoulder when you actually started crying from how sensitive you were.
“Such a pretty sight, all for me. So fucking wet for me baby girl shit. So pretty.” He finally stopped when he felt you slipping down against him, unable to keep yourself standing any longer. The two of you were heaving, and Bucky wrapped his arms around you, carrying you up the stairs to your room before laying you on the bed as slowly as possible. He saw your legs still shaking from the intense orgasms he, quite literally, forced out of you. He should’ve felt bad for how wrecked you looked but he was proud that he was the only one that could make you feel this way.
Pulling down his pants, he threw his clothes away and stepped between your legs, stripping you of your clothes and apologizing when his hands touched your thighs. You’ve never come this hard in your life and were hyper-aware of every small touch on your heated skin. Laying next to you, he pulled the covers over the two of you and sighed when you scooted as close to him as possible. He kissed your forehead and apologized one more time before drifting off to sleep.
Hours later, you woke up to something soft and wet around your nipples, eyes opening slowly and looking down only to see Bucky licking and cupping your breasts, a devilish smile gracing his handsome features before he bit down hard and continued to tease you.
“Ahh god yes sir…” You sighed, voice hoarse both screaming and sleeping.
“Naughty little girl, waking me up with this cute little ass of yours rubbing my dick...you having a sex dream about me baby?” Bucky asked, once again rubbing his beard against your nipples and making you arch your back against him. You combed your fingers through his hair, pulling on it until he growled against your skin. You couldn’t take it any longer, begging him to stop teasing and finish off what he started.
“But you’ve been a bad girl doll face...god damn you’re soft,” he drew circles around them, watching each one pebble and harden between his fingers. “Your body’s so ready for me isn’t it darlin?” Bucky looked up and saw you staring right at him, lips lower lip between your teeth and eyes begging him to do something more.
“Always,” you whispered, hoping he’d know what you’ve been trying to tell him all night long. He laughed and shook his head, descending down your body and mapping your exposed skin with as many kisses as possible. As soon as he tapped on your thighs, you opened them for him, goosebumps slowly making an appearance on your skin because of the way he was looking at your pussy.
“Fuck Y/N...your cunt looks so pretty, just wanna devour you baby,” he didn’t waste any more time, raising one leg high above his head before licking a long stripe across your pussy. Your hips bucked involuntarily and he slapped your inner thigh, telling you to behave so he didn’t have to punish you.
“Yes sir..sorry sir,” you sighed, telling him to keep rubbing his beard against your thigh. “So fucking responsive from the smallest touches. Shit baby you’re my world, my fucking universe,” he took your clit between his lips, sucking so hard on the bundle of nerves until you couldn’t hold back anymore. Your orgasm hit you without a warning and you came on his face, gushing and trying to push him away from you. Bucky didn’t give you a chance to pull away from him, metal hand ascending your body until it grabbed hold on one of your breasts and squeezing it tightly while holding your thighs near his face.
He didn’t stop for a second, wanting to make you cum one last time before giving you some time to rest. When your back arched until you sat up and ceased breathing, Bucky slowed down but not before giving you a quick kiss. You fell back down, grabbing your stomach and your neck to try and calm your heart rate. Bucky kissed his way up your body until he faced you. His eyes betrayed his thoughts, focusing on your throat and making you feel like shit all over again.
“I’m sorry.” You apologized, hands reaching behind his neck and lowering him down until his lips met yours. “You know I’d never be scared of you right?” You asked, hoping he’d give you the answer you were hoping for.
When he said nothing, you shut your eyes and covered them, not wanting to ruin the moment but knowing there was no holding back the tears. “Buck I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I swear on my life it was because of that dickhead. Not you. Never you!” You hid behind your elbows, letting go of him and attempting to get out of bed.
He kept you between his arms and refused to let you go, pulling your arms down and holding you against him until you stopped crying.
“Okay.” He whispered into your ears and although it was such a small word, it meant the world to you.
“Please stop crying Y/N I can’t stand seeing you crying. Especially when it’s because of me. Please darling.” He took hold of your cheeks and placed your head against his chest. “Hear that sweetheart. I ain’t lying. I trust that you’re telling me the truth. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”
“No it’s not your fault. You don’t apologize Bucky. You never have to apologize to anyone.” You got a little angry when he tried to turn the tables and he laughed at how serious you became all of a sudden.
“I trust your love baby. I trust your love.” He pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead, finally gaining some courage to wrap his metal fingers around your throat and massage the red bruises forming all around. He loved seeing the discoloration that formed on your skin but only when the two of you fucked the breath out of each other. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone else touching you and marking you. Leaning down, he left a small kiss on every inch of your neck, apologizing that he wasn’t there to stop him from grabbing you and wishing he was the one hurt instead.
You sighed with every pass of his soft lips over your flushed skin, pulling on his hair and wrapping your arms around him to bring him closer to you. When he took hold of your waist and turned you around so your back was against his chest, you threw your head back, hands slowly pumping his cock before raising your leg and resting it on his thigh.
He thrust in with ease, his hips bucking in and out of you before he wrapped his palm around your neck again. You looked into each other’s eyes, silently conveying your feelings before your mouths came together for a dizzying kiss.
You could feel his hold tighten around you and you loved it, holding onto the back of his neck to keep his as close to you as possible. No matter how many times he pleasured you, it always felt like the first time for the two of you.
Bucky moaned against you, wanting to say so many things but refusing to pull away from your lips. He told you on several occasions if he could spend the rest of his life kissing you, he would die a happy man. He held you against him, finding peace in feeling your skin sliding against him as he pleasured you. When he felt your nails digging into his back, he snapped his hips harshly, causing you to pull away from him and scream his name against his neck.
“Fuck James...that’s it baby, no one fucks me like you James, ahhhh ff-uck, this pussy is all yours fuck fuck all yours.” As soon as he lowered his hand and flicked your clit, your legs started shaking against him, cunt squeezing him so hard he couldn’t hold back anymore. Sitting up, he turned you until you were on your stomach, raising your hips and holding onto your waist before setting an ruthless pace. You could feel every thing that touched you, biting your pillow as you heard the sounds of his grunts and his skin slapping yours over and over again. This was the first time he said nothing. Instead, he just prayed your name and moaned, looking down and biting his lips as he saw you completely at his mercy.
“Love you...fuck fuck I love you so much doll, so much. My heart is yours baby, my fucking soul has your name written on it. Shit gaaahd fuck ‘m gonna cum darlin your cunt is so hot for me yes….sshit!” He fell on top of you, growling when you milked his cock of every last drop of his cum. You shuddered when you felt him spazzing inside you, loving the way his cock was never soft even after he took his pleasure numerous times during the night.
He didn’t bother to pull out, falling to the side and pulling you towards him. He kissed your shoulder and wrapped his arms around you, telling you to rest because he was definitely going to wake you up again.
A distant ringing made you groan before attempting to stand up and look for the source of noise to stop it. You couldn’t move however, tapping on Bucky’s arm so he could let you go and laughing when he only tightened his arms around you.
“Noo.” He whined, making you laugh at how childish he was sometimes. When you told him you were just grabbing your phone, he managed to let go for a few seconds but kept his arms around some part of you. You unlocked it and saw a million messages from everyone on the team.
“Steve is asking if we’re okay.” You said it more like a question than a comment, wanting to make sure the two of you made up before you got out of your room. When he sleepily told you to tell Steve to ‘kindly fuck off with his righteous shield,’ you laughed and texted him that everything was fine.
#bucky smut#guys my age#guys my age 5#hey violet#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky#bucky barnes#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader
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14x08 Commentary
Zeta and Giuls scream together, and then die.
Me & Zeta will watch together season 14′s episodes as they come out and we’ll do our commentary while watching.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
14x08 Byzantium
Guys I don’t know if I can be funny this episode.
-....HER?! WHAT. ....oooooh they are gonna do something stupid aren’t they?
Zeta: can I not see Jack like this please?
- “please don’t be sad”
Zeta : Sam? Not sad? ..lol
-is Dean there to choose an album ? wth ...also damn son can you all stop looking like pain in the flesh?
- the oxygen tank?....naaah fam I’m good, bye I can’t. Zee give me the strength to keep going because I’m gonna throw myself out the window
- oh shit...the scene....the promo scene that killed us all.
Zeta : Cas doesn’t know who to worry about anymore.
- Everyone but himself that’s for sure
-Oh my god SAM, omg Jared you and your eyes are gonna kill me this season.
Zeta : “what happens next?”
-oh shit I didn’t think about it.
both: we are gonna die too
- “an adventure”
Zeta : is he serious?!?!
-Oh Dean really doesn’t want to be there.
Zeta : LOOK AT ALL THE HURT
- D: “I can’t..” bitch me too the fuck
- ..pAiN
- C:” He NEEDS you “
- S:”He’s gone”
-asgajsvdaksdasdh WHAT
- I can almost taste the guilt seasoned with pain right there.
Zeta : the fuck?!
- THAT WAS FAST . U KIDDIN’ , WHAAAAAAT THEEEEE FUUUUCK
Zeta : I’m speechless. I can’t even focus on the bowlegs.
- Dean talking about the hunter’s funeral and Sam can’t fucking take it
-OH I love Sam’s stance, beautiful.....aaaaand he’s gone.
-My soul and whole being is hurting but boy that was an amazing Destiel moment and that’s the shit I wanna see.
- Damn, Cas is spiriling
Zeta : Cas is obliterated
-.... OF COURSE THERE IS A VOICEMAIL. Dean’s annoyed af face at his mom’s voicemail is giving me life, and look....my skin is already clearer.
Zeta : Like the bitch cares
- Castiel clutching Kelly’s pic , probably thinking he failed yet again. lol I wanna die....it would hurt less.
- SAM NO
Zeta : where is he going??
-I hope not doing anything stupid
Zeta : I can’t watch them like that bitch
-CASS IS DRIVING!, CASS IS DRIVING , WHAT. HOW. WHAT. I love that is Cass who is driving
Zeta : Dean’s not driving??
- FUCK YEAH
- Probably Sam took Baby and Dean was like....listen babe I’m not even gonna touch that suburban mom’s steering wheel I don’t wanna feel dirty. Baby could smell it and you know how jealous she is.
-”Why did you let him leave?” WELL HE DID AS U ASKED BITCH
- AND HE’S WEARING THE SEAT BELT!! my European's ass is singing ( is it true that y’all americans don’t have to use it? because....wild and also why. Here if they catch you without the seat-belt they skin your ass)
- kill me with that axe
Zeta : something’s wrong here.
-Yeah...they are hurting so much, I hate it. What the fuck is it with everybody’s eyes, fuck me.
Zeta : I think n.1 dad was Sam
-Nah....Cass is #1 Dad , Sam related to Jack. Dean is the step dad who didn’t think could love the kid and now he’s fucked because he love him too.
Zeta : “Taken before me”
Zeta : We get loaded
- omg do we get to see them drunk? omg yes.
Zeta : Please call help
- Is THat NOugAt?
-OMFG
Zeta : bitch
-AAAAAAAAAAAH CAS SMILE AND LAUGH THAT IS JUST SO MISHA OMFG.
- But Castiel entering the room a bit unsteady and with two bottle ? FUCKING MOOD.
Zeta : I love drunk Dean
-WHAT
.
.WHAT WAS THAT LOOK BETWEEN THEM . WHAT.
my soul....hurts stop it.
-Awe Sam....lol weak.
- Cause of death : Dean slurred drunk sad voice, “We did everything we could right?”
Zeta : HIS VOICE
-”I’m gonna teach you how to read a map”
I can’t deal bitch
-THe DoubLE StRaws
-someone needs to change that lightbulb.
Zeta : Heaven
- THe fuck
Zeta :...Hell..?
- what’s up with shining there
- Dean’s dying groan in the morning: MOOD, SAME.
Zeta : you got old
- Cass and Sam looking fresh and stylish as always .
[enters Dean] the trashcan is heeeeere
- rebooting Dean.exe
Zeta : he can’t even english
-shhh
- oh....no
both: PASS
- but what is the priiiiceeee
Zeta : simple as that
- ...well I mean...fair. I guess she wants to meet her daughter and shit
Zeta : seriously?
-Well we already saw Osiris.
Zeta : Major Dick
-When god left - sorry long story- .
-Oh...no who ARE YOU
Zeta :he does that thing with the eyes.
-WHATSAHFDBF
Zeta : What the hell
- I wanna cry. I am crying
Zeta : thanks, the last part of my heart just withered and died
- Oh no wait until she realize he’s dead
Zeta : aaaaaand
- ...here it comes
- Boi this season is painful
Zeta : Peach, it rhymes with bitch
-oh he really doesn’t like her
- S: “ Taking risks , making crappy deals. The family business “
-”AWESOME”
- “ MORE AWESOME”
Zeta : Was that black goo Lucifer?
- I can’t tell honestly, maybe him and the Empty made a path or something IDK.
-I don’t like when Castiel leaves alone. Bad things happen .
-Sam head tilt lol.
Zeta : forced smile much.
Zeta :look at him ( Dean)
- AH TOLD YA
-Heaven looking nice as always
- I do like seeing Castiel in heaven
Zeta : natural habit and I do love angels clothes
- yeah....50 shades of gray
Zeta : hello Bitch
- *gritted teeth* Naomi
Zeta : He was THAT annoying
- THAT ACCENT THO
- Naomi : Give it what it wants
Cas:
- Cass: “ NO”
-no bitch , Jack he’s everything wtf.
- So Nick woke up the Empty then? *dean’s voice* AWESOME
So now there are 2 big baddies ?
*dean’s voice* MORE AWESOME
- SNAPPY
Zeta : pushing pencils , damning souls
-MY KIND OF WORK
-oh u going down that’s what
Zeta : I’d prefer the scale and the feather
- but the abacus has more sense tho...like....counting good deeds and bad ones, like in the good place right? Can we see the Winchesters using that? I bet the thing would explode.
Zeta : that went well
- Sorry bitch what did u expect
- oooooh what was that little chuckle Castiel stop killing me this season. It burned
Zeta : it stung
- “I failed you”
K: “ you didn’t....Jack...he’s wonderful “
*bawling* YES HE IS
- Misha need to control that eyebrow or so help me god.
Zeta : he needs to control his whole face bitch
- I fucking hate where the angels goes when they die ok
Zeta : fuck
- OH BITCH. *dramatic zoom*
- “He’S OuR KiD”
KIIIIID
*bawling*
Zeta : look at Dean
-MY GOD
both: don’t do this to us
- Empty : “SToP iNteRrupTinG!” Damn bitch, pipe the fuck down
Zeta : crazy ass bitch
I LOVE HER
- I love how she’s doing the Empty. like....*slow clapping*
Empty: “Where I’m taking you is worse than Hell”
oh well you are definitely selling the place
- Empty:” Oh god they look scared. Does that hurt you?”
- *Cass brandishing his angel blade* ....
me already knowing where this is going: oh honey...no
-Puppy Winchesters eyes always wins
Zeta : He can’t hear you.....oh he can
- .... Is that how he is every time Dean pray to him?
When Dean prays:
SAME
me seeing Castiel getting up :
Castiel: TAKE ME
Zeta : take me instead
- he’s so.....snarly....
Zeta : I bet you are drooling
- I am.
A dumb fucking angel: “You want me”
me: I do
A dumb fucking angel: “I would go now and I would go willingly “
me: no u don’t
-NO , NO DEAL, FUCK YOU, FUCK U.
Empty: “ oh “ creepy chuckle “but not now” sharps intakes of breath “ no no no, you see ...what I meant....I want you to suffer . I want you to go back to your own life and forget about this and forget about me and when you finally give yourself permission to be happy...and let the sun shine on your face ...that’s....when I’ll come. That’s when I’ll come to drag you to nothing”
Zeta :She’s goooood
- Castiel: “I accept”
oh look it’s me when I’ll meet Misha ^
and now for an out of context gif:
-She’s so good. I love her BUT FUCK THE EMPTY
- “Because I love you Jack” CRYING CRYING.
- C: “ They don’t need to know what happened”
Zeta : of course they don’t.
- Jack: “ I won’t tell them”
OH so now Jack drove the Impala, snacked on burgers, has hunted, has died and now he has to lie and keeps secret?
CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE NOW A
- ...
NO
FUCK , CASS YOU DAMN SELFLESS BITCH.
IMMA SMACK HIM.
hold me back bitch because imma smack his face
Zeta : control yourself bitch
-NO IMMA SMACK HIS ASS
Zeta : I can’t wait for the gag reel of this part.
Omg Kelly babe . I’m so glad they met .
-WHAT WAS THAT FACE AGAIN CASTIEL
Zeta : dEAD
- J:”Good, I feel good”
WELL I DON’T *hiss*
-oh that hug. omg my heart
- oh well....uh look at dat I fucking bet that the sacrifice got her heaven watch that.
HI LOOK HOW FUCKING HAPPY HE IS TO BRING HOME SO MUCH WIN ?!?!
friendly reminder that he just like...sold his” soul” to the Empty, tell me again that Castiel doesn’t care.
-...Naomi you bitch why couldn’t you tell that before?
Zeta : because she’s a bitch
- D: “ And we know where Michael is, not sure how you pulled that one off “ *side eyeing Cas*
me: *HISS*
- don’t make me think about the fact that Dean cooked those burghers ( as you can see from the counter) while he looked happily at his family reunited . lol *sobs*
- There is a warm happy feeling in my chest right now. I don’t like it, can’t wait for the writers to rip it off my chest pretty soon.
Zeta : is he wearing the dead man’s robe?
. ....yep
Zeta : I’m dead inside
- Dead with a slither of happiness that will get choked out of us, just you wait.
...
...
WAIT A MINUTE
*goes back*
wHAT IS THIS SHIT OMFG DEAN
IT’S FINE
.
.
.
If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.
TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc
#supernatural ep 14x08#supernatural season 14#spn season 14#season 14 spoilers#supernatural 14x08#14x08#14x08 byzantium#spn episode commentary#Episode commentary#spn commentary#season 14#season 14 commentary#spn gifs
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fortunate part 7
masterlist
part 7: so very wrong
“Anna Marie.” Bucky repeated with a smile. “How in the world did you end up all the way here?”
Bucky was now seated at a booth with his waitress from earlier, finishing off his milkshake.
“Born and raised in Mississippi and just got tired of it all. Moved out here with my friend, Raven. Everything was going great for a while and then I was on my own.” She said with a shrug.
Bucky's phone vibrated in his pocket and he read the message with a chuckle and sent back a quick reply.
“Was that your girlfriend, charmer?”
“No, just a friend that likes to send me stupid jokes.”
“Oh. Okay. But that doesn't explain why your face lit up like a Christmas tree but I'll play along.” She flashed him a sparkling grin.
“Look Anna, I would love to take you out sometime but I'm-”
“Gay.” She interjected with a sweet southern twang.
“Tired. I didn't get much sleep last night.”
“Oh. Oh I just thought maybe your friend... Never mind. Would you mind if I gave you my number?”
Bucky passed his phone across the table and Anna Marie added her information. She slid the phone back and Bucky tapped a quick message to her.
Hey this is Bucky. Dinner tomorrow?
Anna Marie's phone buzzed in her apron and she pulled it out.
“So your not one of those 'three days' guys. I like it. Dinner sounds great.”
“Cool. I'm gonna go crash for a couple of hours. Talk to you later.”
“Count on it, James.” She winked at him as he stood and left the diner.
At the same time Bucky was finally asleep on his bed you were pacing the floor of your apartment trying to find the right words to say to him when he made his way over. You had showered and gotten dressed again to try to calm your nerves. You had done your hair and make up in an attempt to pull some confidence from the ritual but you still felt the nerves from your head to your toes. You thought about chickening out more than once but your traitor mind kept going back to Steve's words.
You ran through the possibilities in your head a few times but nothing prepared you for how your heart rate sped when you heard the door knob turn. You glanced at the clock and saw that you had been pacing for more than two hours. It was crazy how time passed when your mind was playing against you.
“Honey, I'm home.” Bucky called jokingly from the doorway. “Wow. You look... great.”
“Thanks Buccaneer.” You looked down at your hands, trying to decide how to start.
Bucky hopped over the back of your couch and waited for you to sit down. “Come on darlin' What's eating you?”
“Darlin'? Where in the fresh hell did you pick that up from?” You asked chuckling as you sat down next to him.
“I met this sweet little waitress at Harry's this afternoon. We're going out tomorrow.” Your heart dropped to your stomach as the words left his mouth and you felt the sting of rejection in your chest. Shit
“But what did you call me over for?” He asked, a care free smile plastered on his stupid, perfect face.
Abort mission. The alarms were clanging at full volume in your head. You wanted to cry and scream at the same time.
“I... I uh was thinking about what you said the other night. Maybe it's time that I put myself out there, find someone I mean.”
“That's...” Bucky's smile faltered for a second before lighting up his face again. “a great idea. Maybe I can help you set up a dating profile or something.”
“I was actually thinking of going out with that friend Sam keeps trying to set me up with.”
“Clint? Really?”
“Yeah. He seems like a nice guy.”
“You've met him like once.”
“Twice and it's better than random dick pics and hate speech.”
“You're right. I'm taking Anna Marie to dinner tomorrow night, maybe Clint wouldn't mind doubling so I can keep an eye on you two.”
“Bucky. He's come to your poker nights for the last few months. If he was a creep, you'd already know. A first date isn't the best time to do the group thing.”
“You're right. Clint's not a bad guy,”
Your heart had never felt so heavy as it did in the moment Bucky offered to help. Honestly you weren't all that interested in just any relationship, it was the kiss with Bucky that had even made you consider it. So you weren't entirely sure why you had said anything about dating after hearing about his new fling. Maybe you were hoping to make him jealous. Either way you had no real plans to go out with Clint or anyone really. You just had to buy yourself some time to swallow the lump in your throat.
“Well if that's it... Want to order some pizza or something?” Bucky asked.
“Um. Not tonight. I have dinner plans with Wanda.” You lied.
“Oh. Okay.” Bucky said, disappointment coloring his tone. “I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Sure.” You answered, not looking up from your hands as Bucky made his way through the door.
When he left you moved to lock the door. Pressing your back against the cool wood you slid to the floor. The stinging feeling in your eyes and the hard to swallow lump made it all too clear what was going to happen next. You pulled out your phone and sent a text to Steve. It was short but somehow held all of the sadness you felt in your body.
You were wrong.
You slid your phone across the floor, not waiting on his reply, and let the flood gates open.
You hadn't move much when the knock came at your door. You didn't move to unlock the door but some how it popped open a few seconds later. Natasha stepped around the door with a set of hair pins in her hand.
“That seemed a little dramatic, Nat.” Steve's voice called from the hall way.
“You're not seeing what I am.” She responded leaning down to stroke your hair. “She wasn't going to open the door. And I'm going to kill that friend of yours.”
“Oh sweetheart. What happened?” He asked leaning down next to Natasha.
“You were wrong Steve. So so so very wrong. There is no way he felt the same way.”
“How do you know that? What did he say when you told him?”
“I didn't tell him.” You have a hard time choking out the words around your sobs. “He is going out with some girl tomorrow night.”
“I'm going to kick his ass,”
“Just leave it, Steve. I'll recover. It just hurts right now.” You tried to put on your best brave face and smile at your friends. Their concern was heart warming but they quickly saw passed the mask you had put on.
Natasha pulled you until you were huddled in to her lap. “We're going out.”
“I can't I've got work tomorrow and I need to wash my face and clear my head.”
“Fine. But Friday night. No excuses.” She drug he fingers lightly through your hair as you finally calmed.
“I think I need a little time alone.” You said quietly. As much as you appreciated them being there for you , You needed some time to work this out of your system.
“You sure?” Steve asked, worried as usual.
You nodded and stood up to lock the door again. You briefly wondered how long Natasha had been able to pick a lock but the distraction was fleeting and it wasn't long until your heart was aching again. You wished that you had never explored this idea. You could have saved yourself from feeling like this.
Down the street Steve was knocking on the door to Bucky's apartment. He had pacified Natasha enough for her to be willing to sit in the car while he confronted his best friend.
Bucky opened the door, a smile plastered on his face with his phone against his ear. He held a finger up to Steve's face, letting his friend know that he'd just be a moment.
“Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow night. 6:30? Sounds perfect. Bye, Doll.” Bucky hung up and looked to Steve who was turning more red by the second.
“What the fuck, dude?” Steve blurted out while trying to keep his tone reasonable.
“What do you mean?”
“You've been pinning after our best friend since you were a teenager and you throw away your shot?” He all but screamed at him. Bucky's face crumpled in confusion.
“What are you talking about?”
“Shut it, you idiot. She told me about the kiss.” Bucky's face went pale.
“Yeah. She took off. I'm not going to chase her away.” Bucky responded. “Plus she is thinking about going out with Clint so it must not have meant much to her anyways.”
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath to calm the anger in his chest. “You are both idiots you know that?”
Bucky was a little more than lost at what Steve was saying. “Wha-”
“No, I'm out. Let me know when you sort your shit Barnes.”
Steve let himself out of Bucky's apartment and down to his fiancee who was waiting impatiently in the car. “So what happened?” She asked him, smoothing a piece of his hair.
“They are most definitely the biggest idiots that I have ever met. Let's go. They are going to have to figure this out on their own.”
tags:
ayeputita
Just-add-butter
nomadicpixel
jayattemptstoruletheworld
attorneyl
@ghostietoastiee
@geeksareunique
@izzy10718
@anamcg317
@redgillan
#bucky x reader#Bucky Barnes#james buchanan barnes#Bucky angst#maiseswritingchallenge#winter soldier x reader#Winter Soldier#the winter soldier#Sebastian Stan#james barnes fanfiction#fortune teller AU!#best friends to lovers#friends to lovers#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes x reader#james barnes#sargent james barnes#james bucky barnes
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how to return home ch7 (Jalton, M)
Over here at AO3
Summary/Notes: Here we go!! Sorry for the delay! Updates may be a little slower...baby is very mobile which leaves me with little time and little energy! Haha. But I promise, I'm still writing!
The aftermath of crossing the line. This chapter is T.
In the morning, Jaz wakes up to find him still on the line, his steady, even breathing calming and familiar. Reassuring. There’s still an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach, knowing they’ve obliterated whatever hint of a line still existed between them. She doesn’t want to say that they can’t come back from this, but it’ll take work. If he wants to come back from it. If she does.
God.
Suddenly, all she can think about is his voice and how he’d sounded saying her name. Her cheeks warm at the thought, and the rest of her body isn’t far behind. She disconnects the call and slips out of bed. Regardless of the heat or humidity, this morning definitely calls for a run.
The sound of the dirt under her feet is familiar now. It’s different from the sand back in Turkey, but this place has wormed its way into the fabric of her soul the same way the quonset hut had. The birds, the breeze, the rattle of truck tires on the road, it all settles her, like looking down the scope of her rifle. Maybe moreso. And she has to wonder at that.
Nothing has ever made her feel more whole than lining up her shot and taking it. The black and white of it had appealed so strongly to the younger version of her, the one who grew up in a world of grey. The one who grew up powerless and lost. Jaz isn’t that girl anymore, and she hasn’t been for a long time, but the distance seems more tangible now, between the past and the present. She’s not lost anymore. And she’s definitely not powerless.
After this last deployment, she can admit that the reason for that is Adam. He’s the reason she’s still here, in more ways than one.
Her phone rings and Jaz drops the damn thing. It clatters against the cracked pavement of the track and skids a bit, but stays remarkably intact. Muttering curses under her breath, she bends to pick it up, finding Gavin’s name on the display.
“So first of all, you need to tell me how your night went. Connie says you have a gentleman caller, which I can only assume is one Mr. Adam Dalton. And secondly, guess who has a hot date on Friday?”
“That was quick,” Jaz says, choosing to ignore the first part. “Who is he? Send me his picture. He’d better be hot enough for you.”
“You come back to the house, I’ll tell you all about him. Lord knows how you run in this heat, Jazzy. I broke a sweat just walking from the car to the porch.”
“It’s not that bad,” she scoffs. “I’ll be back in 20. Think you can handle that?” There are still laps to run, her head’s still not entirely clear, and there’s energy coiled in her muscles that needs releasing..
“You’re lucky I love you. Iced tea’ll be cold by the time you get back.”
“You’re the best.”
“I know,” Gavin says and Jaz laughs as she hangs up and starts off along the track again.
Jaz’s thoughts drift back to Adam, to their conversation by the fire after Tehran. The darkness creeps up on her too, not that she’d told him that. She wonders, though, if that’s why he’d confessed to her. Still, her darkness isn’t the same as his. Killing isn’t her poison. That’s just a side effect. No, control is her thing and always has been. And Jaz has been wondering lately, whether her darkness looks like too much control or none at all. She’s not sure which one is scarier.
Coming to a stop by the bleachers, lungs burning, sweat pouring off of her, Jaz pauses and looks across the track at the low brick buildings of the high school. She tries to imagine, like in Elijah’s kitchen the other day, what it would be like to have grown up here. Maybe she’d be married now, have a family, a normal job. The thought makes her laugh a little and Jaz shakes her head to clear it before heading back toward home.
**
As promised, Gavin is waiting for her with fresh iced tea and pancakes and Jaz doesn’t even consider a shower before joining him at the kitchen table and digging in.
“Show me,” she says around her first mouthful, beckoning with her free hand.
“Slow down there, cave girl,” he teases, but hands over the phone with a photo already on the display.
“Damn,” she says once she swallows her food. “He’s like...a bodybuilder model or something. Nice catch.”
“Right? He’s delicious.”
“Where are you going?”
“A club in Huntsville.”
Jaz almost asks why but the look in Gavin’s eye tells her and she suddenly remembers where they are, in rural Alabama. The city is safer.
“Text me when you get up there,” she murmurs. “If you need me, I’ll be there.”
“You sound just like Connie,” Gavin laughs. “I promise I’ll be extra careful. Just for you. But, girl, I have to get laid and he is...a fine, fine choice.”
“Can’t argue with that,” Jaz agrees, laughing.
“And don’t you dare think I didn’t realize you dodged the Adam question. Which definitely means there’s something to tell, so spill it, Jasmine. I’m waiting.” He lifts his brows and grins expectantly.
Jaz stares down at her plate of half-eaten pancakes, blushing faintly. Her phone buzzes and she takes the opportunity for a distraction.
Adam: Saw these and almost bought a box out of habit.
A picture of a box of poptarts accompanies the text and Jaz actually laughs out loud.
“Uh huh.” Gavin smirks knowingly. “What’d he send you? A dick pic?”
“What?! Ew, no.” She makes a face and swats at his hand when he reaches for the phone. “And if I was laughing at that, we’d have a problem.”
“Alright, alright, calm down. I’m just asking is all.”
Jaz: You shoulda bought some. Maybe i’d come eat them. She hits ‘send’ before she can overthink it. At least he texted her first.
“We...maybe escalated a little last night,” she admits to Gavin, who makes some ridiculous high-pitched screaming sound that nearly has her covering her ears.
“You had phone sex with Commander Adam?” His head drops back dramatically and he throws his hand over his eyes for good measure.
“Could you maybe not call him that?” she groans, instantly regretting her decision.
“I’m sorry, but that’s just hot, okay?”
“Yeah.” Jaz grins at her fork. “Yeah it was.”
A: I’ll pick some up next time. ;)
“I’m going to take a shower. And then we’re going out on the boat. With lots of alcohol.”
“Yes ma’am,” Gavin agrees, saluting her. “Go, go. I’ll clean up.”
In the shower, Jaz wonders if Adam really means it. She’s not sure if she’s ready to find out. But the thought is there. It’s a start.
**
Texts for the rest of the day are sporadic, mostly because her phone overheats in the sun after a while and the battery drains from searching for a spotty signal. But it’s enough to reassure her that things are okay. Adam’s acting normal. Maybe a little flirtier than usual, but normal.
Jaz spends the day in and out of the water with Gavin, talking more about his new potential boytoy, and about Adam. They talk about maybe a day trip somewhere, or even spending a weekend on the coast. She doesn’t talk about Pennsylvania. She’s not ready for it yet.
But the sun and the soft lapping of the water at the sides of the boat make that seem okay. Jaz doesn’t have to have all of that figured out right now. It’s enough to just be here and think about the possibilities of the future and know that, right now, she has control over all of them. That feels pretty damn good.
**
It’s around dinner time before things get weird. She texts him when they get back in the truck to drive home, her phone charging on the cable in the console while Gavin cranks the radio, rolls the windows down, and navigates the dirt back roads with enviable precision.
All she says is, I kind of can’t wait to hear your voice tonight with her own winkie face. And the read receipt goes on almost immediately, but he doesn’t reply. No pesky little ellipse, nothing.
Pushing aside her unease, Jaz watches the dust kick up from the tires in the sideview as the sun sinks below the trees, casting an orange glow over everything. It doesn’t calm her at all.
**
Dinner is over before she caves and texts Adam twice more. Again, the read receipts pop up instantly, but no reply. Growling in frustration, Jaz shoves the phone onto the nightstand and stares at the stars on the ceiling. There’s no way she’ll sleep tonight. Instead, her mind turns over every last possibility.
He hates her. That’s where it starts. He hates that she pushed him, that they crossed a line they could never ucross. He resents her for putting his career on the line. He resents her for putting her career on the line.
Then it shifts into, he was just pitying her, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings and now he doesn’t know what to say about it. She’s been reading things into their relationship for months and it’s all in her head. He’s her CO and there’s no way he could ever feel that way about her.
Then it’s, he met someone else. He’s on leave, he’s allowed to have a little fun. And he’s attractive and sweet and kind and thoughtful and smart and funny and...The problem is, he’s all of those things, and any reasonable girl would be attracted to him. So maybe he’s out with her. Spending the night in her bed. Making her beg. Whispering her name.
The thought makes her feel sick to her stomach and a little like crying. Pushing it away, she grabs her phone and stalks outside, huffing as she climbs into the bed of Elijah’s truck with a blanket.
“Going a little crazy here, Vallins. I could really use your help,” she mutters. It’s been a while since she’s talked to him. Out loud, anyway. Strangely, it makes her feel a little better, even with no response.
It takes a while, but exhaustion eventually wins out and Jaz falls asleep out under the sky, willing herself to believe that the last option isn’t an option at all. Because thinking of him with someone else is awful, but thinking about him dead is a million times worse.
**
It’s Dale’s truck pulling out of the driveway that wakes her the next morning. The sun’s just barely over the horizon and everything is covered in a faint haze. She’s covered in dew and her phone is still clutched in her hand. No new messages. Her stomach lurches.
Before she really registers what she’s doing, she texts McG and demands he call Adam immediately. And then she calls Amir.
“Hello?” the voice that answers is decidedly not Amir, but it’s familiar.
“Have you talked to Top?”
“Not in a couple days?” There’s rummaging in the background and Hannah’s murmuring to Amir, asking the same. “No, not since earlier in the week. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Probably nothing. He’s just...not answering.” It sounds so damn stupid when she says it like that. She’s showing too many cards. But the ache in her chest is worsening with every passing second and Jaz can’t think straight.
“We’ll try. Amir says he probably went camping.”
“He would’ve told me,” Jaz replies. The distress is apparent in her own ears and she makes herself take a breath.
“Hey, we’re here. We’ll figure it out, okay?” Hannah’s tone is soothing and warm and it reminds her she’s not alone in this.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Give us ten minutes and we’ll get back to you.”
Jaz nods even though Hannah can’t hear her and hangs up the phone. McG’s response isn’t anymore helpful.
“Phone’s dead,” he says. “Or at least it’s going straight to voicemail. He probably went camping.”
“That’s what Amir said.”
“Do you think something’s wrong?” he asks. McG trusts her instincts. Normally, Jaz does too. But that’s the job. This isn’t that.
“I don’t know,” she admits, hugging her knees and exhaling shakily. “I don’t know.”
“Hey, Jazzy, I got you, okay? Whatever you need. You know that.”
“I know.” The small bit of relief she’d felt at Hannah’s reassurance returns now and she tries to hold onto it.
“You could always go up there, you know,” McG says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
“Yeah.”
Connie appears in the porch doorway then, and even from here, Jaz can tell she’s worried.
“Listen, I’m gonna go. Call me if you hear anything?” she asks.
“I got you,” he repeats.
Jaz hangs up and climbs out of the truck bed, walking back toward the house. Her muscles ache and she knows that means she slept like crap. She hates not being on top of her game.
The porch steps creak under her feet and the smell of fresh coffee greets her before she’s even reached the top step.
“Talk to me, sweetheart,” Connie murmurs, reaching out for her.
After a moment’s hesitation, she lets herself be gathered into Connie’s arms, and it’s the strangest thing, because somehow, that’s more comforting than Hannah and McG combined.
“Adam’s missing...or at least he's not answering? I don't...it's not like him. He doesn't owe me anything and maybe he's just camping but--” She draws a shaky breath as Connie kisses her hair.
“Now, I’d never tell you what to do. But if it were me? If I truly thought something might be wrong? I'd go see for myself, just to be sure.”
“Yeah?” Jaz lifts her head to look at the older woman. Her eyes are just like Elijah’s and she can imagine him telling her exactly the same thing.
“Let’s go book you a flight to Pennsylvania.”
It feels good to have a course of action.
**
Gavin drives her to the airport two hours later. The trip is mostly silent until they’re pulling up to the curb. There’s too much nervous energy thrumming through her for mindless chatter.
“You’d better kiss him,” he says, and Jaz lets out a startled laugh. “Cuz you’re gonna go there and he’s gonna be just fine. So yell at him for being an idiot and falling off the grid without telling you, and then kiss the hell out of him.”
“He’ll be lucky if I still want to kiss him after this,” she counters, shouldering her bag.
“Oh, you’ll want to kiss him alright.” Gavin leans across the console and kisses her cheek. “Don’t disappear on me, okay? Come back. He gets you the other nine months of the year.”
“I’ll be back,” she vows, hugging him before getting out of the car. This is home, after all. She has nowhere else to go. And she wouldn’t want to anyway.
**
On the plane, Jaz realizes two things. First, she hadn’t mentioned anything to Gavin about his date. And second, Hannah had answered Amir’s phone. At 6am. Both of these things are enough to distract her for the duration of the flight, a welcome reprieve from worrying nonstop about what kind of horrors await her in Pennsylvania.
When she closes her eyes now, she can see that doctored picture of Adam, the one Arthur had shown her. So she doesn’t close her eyes. Instead, she crafts her conversation with Amir, calling him out for not telling her sooner. And the subsequent discussion with McG about all the ways they could tease Amir about his new girlfriend. The one he’s apparently sleeping with. At least someone is getting laid.
And then she thinks about Gavin and his bodybuilder model boytoy, and whether those two have anything in common at all. About whether that even matters, if he knows it’s just a rebound anyway. And whether it counts as a rebound, really, when the one you’re rebounding from isn’t really gone so much as dead.
The morbidity of that makes her chest ache, but the plane is descending now and Jaz turns her attention to the ground, watching the details come into focus from above. It’s easier to focus on concrete things.
Her phone goes off almost as soon as she turns it back on. Texts from Amir and McG and Dale and a voicemail from Patricia. That one, she deals with first, skipping the message entirely in favor of speaking to the Deputy Director directly.
“They found him. He’s going to be okay.”
Patricia must keep talking after that, but Jaz doesn’t hear a word of it. She watches the other passengers disembark in a trance, the words repeating in her head.
They found him.
Trembling in her seat, clutching the armrests until her knuckles turn white, Jaz fights a losing battle with her emotions.
He’s going to be okay.
When the tears start, she doesn’t even try to stop them.
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Snapchat- Day 18
Long distance - Part II
Rated: M
“It’s really annoying sometimes Hina.”
Hinata was trying to put her hair up in a bun while listening to her boyfriend rent, she had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing. She was rude, really, but she couldn’t help but find him adorable in times like this.
“Well Sasuke, I think that’s what she’s trying to achieve…”
Finally having her hair up she laid on her stomach on the bed in front of the open laptop. She couldn’t really blame him. She wished they were together always. Hearing his voice through her laptop and seeing him only while Skyping was killing her too. After she came back from the 2 weeks she spent at Sasuke last month, Ino made it her duty to snapchat her boyfriend every day a picture of Hinata making him jealous.
Of course, Sasuke didn’t have anything to worry, sure Ino was bi and beautiful and Hinata loved her dearly as a best friend but she wouldn’t cheat on him. She told him that a couple of times and he knew it’s the truth. Still seeing Ino with her every day while he hadn’t seen her since last month hurt him. It also didn’t help that he usually send a picture back with him looking mad telling Ino to fuck off, which amused the blonde dearly.
“I can’t wait for it to be summer holiday. I’m flying there as soon as my last class is over”
Summer was only a few days away and Sasuke planned on spending all 3 months with her and of course, she approved of the plan. But what she didn’t know yet was that Sasuke got his files out from school and intended to switch Universities so he could move in the same city as her.
“I can’t wait either. Ino is freaking out too. She wants to meet you so bad. I’m sure you’ll get along fine”
Hinata rose a bit and the camera was pointed at the cleavage her tank top was showing, she was about to go to bed so no bra. His boxers suddenly felt too tight and summer holiday too far away. In the 2 weeks they spent together they didn’t really go all the way, he wanted to, but she was hesitant. He could understand that and of course, he didn’t push her. After ending the call he’d have to take a shower.
“I have a surprise for you.”
Hinata said vaguely still showing off her chest, her laptop was on her bed and she was looking/doing something on the desk in front of her. Sure during the month after seeing each other they did…some stuff while video chatting but that wasn’t really what he wanted. He wanted to touch her, not only in a sexual way but to caress her hair and hold her hand.
Finally settling down he was met with her rosy cheeks, she was holding some kind of brochure. She bit her lip and he almost groaned.
“Sorry about that.”
She knew what she did, he moved a bit to get a little more comfortable. He nodded and she smiled at him.
“Ok, maybe not really surprise. I was just thinking…”
She was stalling. Sasuke told her to go on.
“Ok I don’t want you to think I’m telling you to do this. But I walked around and we have a really good Med School here and I asked around about transfers and you can do that during summer…”
She wasn’t looking at him but at something to her left, her ears were pink. She was asking him to move. His heart hurt, sure he was planning to do that, but the fact that she was thinking of the same thing made him wanna cry and hug her. If the tables were the other way around he wasn’t sure he could tell her to move. Hinata must have thought about that for some time now to built up so much courage.
“Hina—“
“You don’t want to move. T-that’s fine. It wouldn’t make sense to transfer during the middle of Uni. I get is Sasuke it’s fine. Good night”
“Wait. Don’t. You know better than to cut me off.”
She was crying, she did say she didn’t want to make him do anything but she was crying because she thought he didn’t want to move with her.
Sasuke got up and with his phone took a picture and sent it to her on snapchat. Her phone dinged and Hinata looked at him puzzled. He sat back down.
“Look at the picture”
She was wondering if he was trying to change the subject. During the weeks there she saw him. All of him and he saw her but they didn’t do it. They did do a lot of things…thinking about that now...heat started to gathering between her legs and in her stomach, she shifted a bit. She saw him take the picture but the bed covered his lower half. She was half praying it to be his…ahem, the other half was curious what else it could be.
Finally clicking on the photo, there were a bunch of papers and she couldn’t help feeling disappointed. A small ‘oh’ escaped her lips and she frowned. She read his name on some of them and the school name as well.
“What is this?”
“My file and a transfer slip. I…meant to tell you when I was there but since you brought it up. I already transferred. When school starts I won’t be returning. I sold the house with everything in it and for the first semester I’ll stay at the dorms until I find an apartment”
”…oh” she felt silly now because she thought he sent her a dick-pic. “You don’t have to stay in the dorms. If you want…you can stay here.”
He rose a brow “You sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to offer Hina”
She shook her head. “I don’t feel like I need to, but I want to…I’d love if you lived here”
He nodded and the seriousness of the moment passed. Hinata was staring at her phone despite the fact that the picture expired. Her heart was beating faster, her mouth was dry, the realization that he would be there forever was starting to hit her and she wanted to cry tears of happiness. With shaky hands she texted Ino the news, she needed someone else to know. Sasuke was watching her reactions.
“When you saw the pic. Before I explained what it was, you seemed…disappointed” he smirked. “What did you think it was?”
Hinata rose her head from looking at her phone and her face was red. She opened her mouth and closed it a few times. Finally, she breathed in and licked her lips and looked at the wall to her left. In a small voice, she told him.
“I..i umm..thought it was a d…dick-pic”
She covered her face with her hands as his laugh filled the room, even changed from the laptop loudspeaker the vibration of it shook her to her core.
“Do you want one?”
Her eyes were wide as the moon.
“Don’t be shy. It wouldn’t be the first one I sent”
He was right. He once sent her one randomly and she was on the street drinking coffee, when she opened it her plastic cup fell and she turned every shade of red there was. She called him that second and told him what happened in a low yet rushed voice and he laughed at her.
She covered her face again “Yes please.”
His eye twitched. “What?”
“S-send one. Please…”
Hinata let her hands fall and she was looking at him, her eyes were darker and despite the fact that her face was red all he could see was lust.
“Fuck, fuck. Ok wait, wait.”
She nodded and watched him move around and then the sound of a picture being taken was heard he just turned to her, he looked turned on and she wanted to cry. Why wasn’t he there yet? Her phone made a small sound and she unlocked it and breathed heavy, he was watching her. She opened the picture and bit her lip for a moment before kissing the screen. She heard him shift and curse under his breath.
“Hina. Baby, let’s turn to face time. Ok?”
She nodded over and over and pressed to call him before even ending the Skype call. When he answered instead of seeing his face there was his manhood and she moaned and closed her eyes trying to imagine him inside of her. He had to come here soon, all of this was pure torture.
This is the kind of pic Ino sends Sasuke every day, usually, he sends back a selfie looking annoyed and saying things like ‘You mean MY girl, not yours.”
Part I
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Chapter Three: Her Whole Heart
Set in the present, this is a fairytale about a girl making her own way in the world whose work leads her to the man she’d cast as her Prince Charming. Will she try on those glass slippers or will she find out she’s met The Beast? Can two people from different realms risk everything to make it across The Bifrost? Can endings ever be happy? Join me on this adventure, send me a message or a poisoned apple and enjoy!
Jamie excused herself to wash her face. Her cats peered at her, then went to greet the stranger in their home. When she came out, he stood from the lone barstool, petting one cat. His jacket was hung neatly over the back of the stool.
“I told them who I am, so we're friends now. They were just surprised.”
“That makes three of us.”
“Four, actually. I certainly didn't plan to impose in your home. And I just realized that I don't know if your boyfriend or husband lives here and what trouble my being here will cause you.”
She smiled at him. “Just me and the cats. I'm officially a crazy cat lady at 33.”
“You’re lovely. I'm sure there's someone.”
“No. I'm not great at relationships. I have my own space and I do what I want. Like a certain Frost Giant.”
“You should know better than anyone that Loki didn't want to be alone and that was one of his biggest lies,” he said pointedly.
“Well, Loki didn't have two needy cats.” The smaller one was now circling between his long legs. “Bobby is going to know you were stepping out on him.” She paused. “I'm sorry that I recognized your dog. I know that's part of your personal life that you try to keep private.”
“Bobby has cat friends at my sister’s house where he stays sometimes. He'll be jealous he didn't get to come over as well. And thank you for the apology. The information is out there. It's part of life, good and bad. Assuming that you didn't overhear me yell it at the dog park because you were hiding in the bushes, you're forgiven. So. Pizza?”
Jamie pulled out her phone, scrolled a bit and handed it to him.
“Russell's. They're in the shops right behind us. They'll make something fast for me. Just pick out what you want.”
“Whatever you normally get is good,” he said, handing her phone back to her.
“Ham and pineapple, then!”
He wrinkled his nose.
“Please tell me that you know that I don't like pineapple on pizza.”
“Yes, I know. How about pepperoni and mushrooms?”
“Yes, perfect.”
Jamie dialed from her contacts.
“Russell! It's Jamie. Yes, I know I usually have ordered by now on Friday. No, not Hawaiian tonight. Can I get a large pepperoni and mushrooms? And a large Greek salad.” She paused, listening. “Did your wife make them? Okay, we'll take brownies. Can I walk by in like…twenty minutes?”
She looked at Tom, who shook his head and mouthed ‘Bruce’ and pointed downstairs.
“Actually, my friend Bruce will come get it. Now, listen Rus, don't give him any grief. You know my heart belongs to you. He'll bring my card to sign.”
She started getting it out of her wallet but Tom stopped her, raising his eyebrows.
“Heck, I'll make Bruce pay. Yeah, about twenty minutes. You're a dream.” She hung up.
“It's nice that you have somewhere close by,” he said, giving the larger cat a belly rub.
“Yeah, makes it feel like a neighborhood. Do you want me to walk down and tell Bruce where to go?”
“I'll text him in a few minutes.” He looked at her, appreciating how she was relaxing around him. “So. Do you want to geek out?”
“Ah, I'm not sure you're ready for that,” she said playfully, shoving his wide shoulder.
“You saw the pictures from last weekend. The artwork and the costumes people make and the things they say and write. It is amazing how talented people are and how they express that through Loki.”
“Alexa, please resume the previous playlist.”
Tom heard his own voice singing through the speaker, as Hank Williams.
“Not just Loki,” she said, shaking her head. She sat on the stool. “I mean don't get me wrong. I love Loki. He’s my king, the true king of Asgard and Jotunheim. We're not even going to talk about Infinity War. Ever. But I love your Hank Williams and your King Henry and your voice lent to Bond. You've learned combat and horseback riding and sorcery and giant gorilla fighting. And you've done it all happily. With passion. With a smile and a feminist attitude. I geek out to your geeking out at your whole beautiful life. It's something I struggle with naturally. Just being excited about my life, even the best parts of it.”
He wasn't sure why he did it. She'd looked happy talking about him but now sadness clouded into the corners of her eyes, talking about herself. Slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She softly touched his chest and closed her eyes.
“You are so real and so clever and you have a tremendous brightness to you. Maybe you can't see it and maybe others can't either, but I can. I see you.” He said it low, still leaning over her.
She took a deep breath. “Thank you. Now, text Bruce. I have some beer in the fridge. I'm not sure what you drink. I have plenty of soda and juice. There's a drugstore on the corner if we need anything else.”
Tom stepped back, feeling her need for space. He pretended not to see her wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. He'd been here less than an hour and made her cry twice. He dutifully walked to the fridge and opened it.
“You're well stocked for someone who lives alone,” he said, pulling out a beer. “What can I get you?”
“Diet Coke and can you grab the rum from above the fridge, please. It's almost too high for me.”
He did as she asked and then pulled his phone out of his front pocket to text Bruce.
“Any other instructions for Bruce or anything we need while he's out?”
Jamie did a quick inventory in her head of the apartment.
“Nope, just the food.” She rattled off the directions and Tom sent the message. He then walked to her and handed her a drink.
“Rum and Diet, with ice and a straw, darling.”
“How the heck did you do that so fast? And how did you make it how I like it?”
“Sorcery.” He winked. Swigging his own beer, he motioned to the couch.
“Shall we sit while we wait for the food?”
Calling it a couch was generous. It was barely a love seat. She only had that, a papasan chair and the barstool.
“Yeah, sure. Actually, do you mind if I change clothes? Scrubs just feel like work clothes.”
“Of course. Take your time.”
“Make yourself comfortable. Take off your shoes if you want.” He’d already taken off his hat and it sat with his sunglasses and wallet on the small table next to her door.
She closed her bedroom door and took a deep breath. This was going okay! Yes, she’d cried twice. But he was being so sweet. Could he actually maybe like her? She shook her head. She didn’t know why he was here, but it wasn’t for that. He was just stir crazy in the hotel. This was just killing time for him. She stripped off her scrubs and surveyed her closet. Nodding to herself, she dressed quickly and went back to him.
He stood from the couch as she came around the corner. Did he alway stand when she entered the room? He smiled, and she recognized it as the smile he usually gave when he was caught off guard.
“You look beautiful.” She’d chosen a loose cotton t-shirt dress in pale gold and paired it with black leggings and bare feet. She nodded.
“Just something comfortable.”
He’d taken off his shoes and his sweater was over his jacket on the barstool, leaving him in just his dark jeans and thin t shirt.
She sat with one leg under her to put slightly more space between them. He casually rested his long arm behind her on the top of the couch.
“So, what would you normally be doing tonight if I wasn't here?” he asked, consciously having to stop himself from running his fingers along the edge of her ear.
She pressed her lips together as she thought.
“Hmm well it’s Friday. So I usually get a ham and pineapple calzone from Russel’s and pick it up on the way home. It’s the first Friday of the month, so usually Chris Evans comes over and brings his Captain America costume. I texted him during the drive back and cancelled. He sent like a hundred sad face emojis. Then a bunch of dick pics. Pretty embarrassing, really.”
His eyes sharpened in unmistakable jealousy but he quickly covered it with a smirk.
She sipped her drink.
“You made this strong. Are you sure it isn’t that thousand year old Asgardian liquor Thor brings sometimes?”
He began to lean towards her like a sleek predator.
“I’m kidding. There were no dick pics.”
“Don’t make me text Chris and tell him to treat you like a lady,” Tom growled, his hand now firmly gripping her shoulder.
“Please. That’s the last thing I want to be treated like.”
The short knock at the door broke their loaded stare. A nervous giggle burst out of Jamie and Tom hopped up and peeped through the peephole.
“Is it okay if Bruce comes in?” he asked her.
She nodded and Tom opened the door. Bruce walked in with a big, square box and a couple of bags.
Jamie asked him to set them on the stove and started pulling down plates and napkins.
“Bruce, what are you drinking?” she asked him.
“I’m fine, Miss Birch.”
She looked at Tom.
“You’d better do what she says, Bruce.” Tom said. “She’s pretty bossy.”
“Do you have regular Coke?”
She pulled a bottle from the door and handed it to him, with a plate.
“I’m not hungry.”
She glared at him.
“I’ll take a couple of slices. And did I hear about brownies?”
“I only have two dining chairs, so I’ll use the barstool since I’ll still be shorter than the two of you,” she said, gesturing at her tiny dining table.
Bruce glanced at Tom and an unspoken cue passed between them.
“You know what? It’s a beautiful night. I think I’ll eat this on the porch.”
“Fine. But don’t give the cats any pepperoni. They get heartburn.”
She gave him a napkin and the cats followed him onto the screened porch.
Tom had fixed his own plate, as well as hers, while she was ordering Bruce around.
“I’m not really bossy. I just like things a certain way,” she said as they sat down. He’d gotten their drinks from the coffee table as well. “And just because he’s just a driver doesn’t mean he can’t eat with us.”
Tom rolled his eyes. “Bruce isn’t just my driver. He’s my copper. Transplanted from Atlanta to England. He usually travels with me if I leave London. He has a bedroom in my house. His kids call me Uncle. I thought you’d bloody recognize him too. He’s making himself scarce because, well, he likes you and, well, you know.” Slight embarrassment played over his face.
She raised her eyebrows in question. “Do you guys have this routine in every town?” she asked, only half joking.
“Certainly. I pretend to chip my tooth and request the most lovely dental laboratory technician in all the land to come tend to me. Then, I seduce them, murder them and Bruce gets rid of the body. It’s quite efficient.”
“Do all the victims--I mean dates--offer Bruce pizza?”
He laughed loudly.
“No, actually you’re the first. He liked you at once. He’d texted ahead to tell Luke that you were friendly and he was confident you’d be fine.”
“To murder?”
“Well, first to do the dental work without fangirl hysterics. Then murder.”
“Ah well at least I’m a professional. How’s the pizza?”
“Really, really good.”
They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Tom got up and got another beer and made her another drink.
“Hiddleston, you’re not trying to get me drunk, are you?” she asked, looking up at him. “Your buddy Cumberbatch brought me a very nice tequila when he visited last and all he got was a handy.”
“A ‘handy’?” Tom asked, eyebrows raised.
Jamie mimed giving a hand job.
“Ohhh. Well, the way he tells it, you went all the way,” he replied with a laugh.
“Course he does. Boys always brag.”
Tom cleared the plates from the table, rinsing them in the sink despite her protest. He put two brownies on a plate and carried their drinks back to the couch.
“Will you show me the rest of the apartment?” he asked.
“Well, you saw the porch and the kitchen and the dining room and the living room.”
He’d spied snapshots and ticket stubs displayed on open wire frames. She turned on the hall light. There were a couple of him, making silly faces, some with what must be her family that he recognized from her office, including a small baby and a few pets. Stubs from concerts and museums showed her classical and pop tastes.
“There’s a bathroom here. Litter box in the tub so please don’t shower in it. My guest bedroom is mostly storage and crafts.”
She flicked on the lamp on the desk. Lots of totes and assorted crafting materials were spread around. Clearly, this was a work space. There was also a twin bed pushed up against the window.
“I make my lovers sleep in here after I’m done with them.”
“Ah yes, Ben and Chris did mention that.”
At the end of the hall was her bedroom. It was large and open, her queen bed centered under the window. She had white wood furniture and lots of books. One wall next to her bed had two posters. The small one had his face in black and white, grinning widely and looking off camera. The other said “Love your life because your life is what you have to give.” -Tom Hiddleston. The opposite wall had a small green and white framed print that said “Keep calm and kneel” with a silhouette of Loki’s helmet.
“See? No nude portraits! And I just renovated your shrine back into a closet. I needed the space. Sorry.”
A walk in closet and another small bathroom completed the room.
“It’s a great apartment,” he said, smiling at her. “I like that picture of me. I don’t remember what was so funny, but I was definitely amused.”
“I can usually tell a fake smile from a real one. Sometimes your eyes are sad.”
He brushed back a piece of hair that had come loose from her braid.
“Are they sad now?” he murmured, putting his large hands on her hips and pulling her closer.
She shook her head slightly, knowing her voice would be useless.
Slowly, painfully slowly, he put his thumb under her chin, gazing into her eyes.
He kept his eyes on hers until their lips met. She stood up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck, opening her mouth and inviting his tongue to explore. He slid his other hand to her butt, keeping her tight up against him. After what felt like a lifetime of slow kisses, she gently pulled away.
“I’m gonna need to get working on that shrine again,” she murmured into his chest.
She felt the deepness of his chuckle.
“How about those brownies?” he asked, taking her hand and walking her to the living room.
They sat back down on the couch and shared the plate. They stole glances at each other and tried not to giggle.
“Well, it’s getting late. I had my promised pizza. I should get going.”
“Oh. Yeah. Of course,” she replied, not able to hide her disappointment.
Neither of them moved.
“See, here’s the thing.” He rubbed his hands on his jeans. “I don’t fuck around. I don’t fuck girls that I don’t plan on seeing further. I mean, I have given in to the occasional temptation. I’m not perfect. There are an abundance of letters and tweets suggesting doing things to me that I would have to Google how to do. I didn’t come here to fuck you. I didn’t come here because you know my publicist and my dog and you smell like vanilla cookies and Valhalla.”
“Then why did you?” The tightness in her throat betrayed the longing in the question.
“Because this whole day you’ve treated me like a regular guy. Once you got over your initial surprise, you’ve sort of been giving me crap. You climbed in my lap, opened my car door and told me about getting stung by jellyfish in the bay. You tried to pay for dinner and you fed Bruce. You've been bossy and teasing and stubborn. You haven’t asked how I became injured or why I’m clean shaven. You haven’t taken a photograph, except of the inside of my mouth. You handed me your unlocked mobile without a second thought. You said that you’re no good at relationships but you’ve trusted me and not because of the guy you see at the cinema. I came here because I wanted--I needed to find out if I was right.”
“Right about what?” she whispered.
“Right about my gut. About needing to get to know you better. There’s no way for me to meet someone in a conventional way. I’m here to find out if I’m right about trying to take a risk.”
“You think this isn’t risky for me?” she fired back. “This is my whole fucking heart. For all of my bossy bitch attitude, you’re literally the guy of my dreams. I don’t win here. Either I say goodnight and hate myself for not taking the risk or I fuck you and it’s amazing and I spend the rest of my life missing that. There’s no throne. There’s no version of this where I come out on top.”
With tremendous ease, he pulled her into his lap.
“I think,” he said, gently kissing her neck, “That you’d made up your mind before we’d left the hotel. You’re smart and strong and decisive as hell. Your whole heart is exactly what you’re willing to risk because it’s what you have to give. There’s an option that has you winning. Both of us winning. And taking turns on top.”
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