#me having those romantic heartaches: also because of her (and dad too this time) expecting me getting a partner

[theravennest]

Let’s Talk About Shang Chi...

I just got back from seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. I had a great time with it. Just a lovely experience.

The fights were dope. The music was rocking. The actors’ performances really sold me on everything. I loved all the Xianxia elements. Y’all know fantasy worlds are my JAM!

But it was the characters that really drew me in. Every one of them were pitch perfect for me. The final act got a little jumbled, imo, but the characters and their dynamics were so good that it was enough for me to completely forgive and overlook the somewhat messy final battle. 

The story had a lot of heart. It was so personal and so anchored in real emotions. I highkey fell in love with all the main characters. I love their journeys and their complex  and grounded relationships with each other. I really liked the movie’s examination of grief, loss, and pain and the lengths people will go to in the wake of being overwhelmed by those feelings.

Let’s dig into it! This is gonna be a whole discombobulated mess, I just know it. lmao

***Spoilers below the cut!***

I really felt for Shang Chi, Xialing, and Wenwu struggling to figure out how to be a family again after they were all broken in different ways by the loss of Mama Ying Li. And each one of them trying in their own way to heal from it, some to extremely destructive degrees. 

How Wenwu treated his kids after being consumed by grief and violence was so utterly messed up but in two completely different ways. 

He treated Xialing like she was anathema, like she was literally nothing. Even when they were older and she had grown into an adult, he barely spoke to her in the entirety of the movie, could hardly even look at her. Partially because she looked like her mom and he retreated utterly from the pain of that, and partially because he constantly underestimated her in favor of her brother. This, of course, seeded the resentful tension between Xialing and Shang Chi from the start.

I’m a real sucker for sibling dynamics, as you all know. They’re my favorite types of family-oriented stories. (Side note, I really love the way the MCU has dedicated several stories to sibling relationships. It’s like my favorite thing in the MCU as a whole.)

I completely ate up the harsh and tricky relationship between Xialing and Shang Chi. Shang Chi completely let her down when they were kids, for her POV. (Not really his fault, he was a scared and traumatized 15 year old. Totally understandable.) But there is something to be said about the fact that she was also a child. A child dealing with her mom’s death too AND her dad’s aloofness. Then she was utterly abandoned by her brother. It’s no wonder she never quite forgives him, even though they mostly team up in the movie. They still have a lot to work out between them.

I really loved that she took on leadership of the Ten Rings at the end. The moment Shang Chi said she was “dismantling” their dad’s empire, I knew what was up. Though, the softy in me does hope that eventually they can find true reconciliation between them. I’m excited to see what we’ll see from her in future movies as a potential enemy of Shang Chi. It’ll be really interesting to see how Shang Chi tackles having to go up against his little sister.

And Shang Chi!!! OMG! Let’s talk Shang Chi and Wenwu now. When Wenwu drop kicked him into the ground and started the blame game for Mama Ying Li’s death like bro!!! I was so heated. He was 7 years old. A whole baby! She died because your thousand years of violence and conquering shit finally came home to roost. 

But that one line when Wenwu said Shang Chi’s 7 year old self “just stood there and watched” while his mom was killed actually revealed so much about Wenwu’s character. (The cutting way Tony Leung, a literal legend, delivered that was masterful, btw.) 

I actually think that it was the first time Wenwu has ever verbalized that he blamed Shang Chi for Ying Li’s death. Like maybe he’s always felt that way and all this time he was partially punishing Shang Chi for what he thinks of as a failure to protect or help the woman who meant so much to them.

Like, yes, he was training Shang Chi to take his place with him in the Ten Rings as an assassin but maybe he also wanted Shang Chi to kill his mom’s murderer as penance for letting her die in the first place.

Of course, it’s clear to see that Wenwu was absolutely shifting his own feelings of conflicting guilt onto his kids. Guilt that his past as a warlord is what got her killed. But also guilt that he put down the Ten Rings in the first place when if he had stayed a warlord, this never would have happened. But also the bone deep knowledge that if he hadn’t put down the Rings, Ying Li might never have stayed with him and loved him in the first place.

When Shang Chi threw it back at him that Ying Li probably wouldn’t love the person Wenwu had returned to, Wenwu looked so shook up. Phew! Perfect emoting from Tony Leung in that moment.

Honestly, Wenwu was having a very tragic and confusing time of it in this movie. Which is probably how that creature from beyond was able to find a crack in his psychic defenses and lure him to the gate. I had a lot of empathy for him even though I disagree so much with what he did to his kids, emotionally.

I really respect the fact that the movie never lost that sense of compassion for all of their feelings including Wenwu. I also respect that the movie really gave them space to grieve not just the loss of Ying Li but also the resulting dissolution of their happy family.

It’s just too bad that Wenwu’s grief made him push his kids away instead of pulling them closer. He completely emotionally abandoned them. A thousand years of power and supremacy yet he was broken because he never in that time fully learned how to process his emotions in a healthier way and his kids paid the price. They could’ve leaned on each other and on the love they found with Ying Li to help them get through but alas that’s the tragedy of the movie. 

I really wanted somehow for Shang Chi to make it through to his dad before he went too far to come back again. I genuinely did not want to see Wenwu die at the end. I wanted him to live and see Shang Chi’s changing dynamic with his father continue. I wanted to see him finally acknowledge his daughter as his true heir and see her accomplishments (dark though they will likely become considering the “softer” version of her is the one that ran an illegal fight club in Macao lmao).

Though I am happy Shang Chi got through to him enough at the end for Wenwu to save Shang Chi’s life, willingly pass the rings onto his son, and somewhat accept his own death after a thousand years of life. That was such a poignant moment between them. And I wonder if in that instant, Wenwu had the thought that in dying he’d at least see Ying Li again.

(Side note: I really hope his soul and the souls of everyone that got eaten were freed when Shang Chi killed the monster. I really want them to be able to move on to the next phase of existence. I really hope they weren’t destroyed after being eaten. I want Wenwu to reunite with Ying Li even in the afterlife, gotdamnit! Sue me, I’m a romantic.)

Let’s talk Simu Liu’s performance here for one second. He was incredible throughout. I completely bought into this strange but so real feeling that while he has a lot of anger towards his father, so much hurt, he also felt a lot of heartache and love for who Shang Chi wanted him to be. And the strange desire to want to help a man who emotionally scarred him so badly.

Simu really brought both sides of Shang Chi’s journey to life. Like, he was tying to find his own path, reconcile with the mistakes he’s made in the past (his sister, killing his mom’s murderer), and facing up against his father’s ideals and expectations. But there was also a side of Shang Chi’s journey that was about finally understand both his sister and his father’s point of views, and of learning/embracing his mother’s history. 

That moment by the lake when he revealed to Katy that he had actually killed the man who killed his mother. Whew boy! The emotions were so poignant. Simu Liu played it like *chef’s kiss* beautiful.

Speaking of character choices, I really rate this decision to have him actually go through with the assassination. It puts Shang Chi in an interesting position emotionally and somewhat morally. Instead of having his breaking point be him unable to kill as his father wishes, it’s instead the feeling of guilt and shame that he actually did kill the man.

I wonder if he felt a sense of satisfaction before the disgust and shame settled in. Because Shang Chi literally watched his mom die, he probably initially wanted to help his father hunt down the man because of that bit of dark need for vengeance. Until he got it, and felt ashamed to fully face his mother’s memory afterwards.

I’m interested to see how future Shang Chi movies and Simu will dig into and unpack that little bit of darkness these events instilled in the character.

Let’s talk Ying Li for a second here. This woman was incredible. An incredible martial artist, for sure, a mystical guardian and warrior...but she was also just an incredible person in general. Mama Ying Li was so self-assured, so steadfast in her convictions. She struck me as someone who knows exactly what she wants and is never afraid to reach for it.

Fala Chen portrayed her with such grace, warmth, and strength of character. It was extremely easy to see why Wenwu fell in love with her. She met Wenwu, a literal thousand year old warlord, and through shear strength of character led him to put down his weapons and his empire to make a home with her.

This man threw away his entire shadow army of assassins, threw away his whole plan to literally demolish her village in the pursuit of power...in order to play Dance Dance Revolution with her and their kids. (The highlight of their romance and the family flashbacks, for me, tbh.) 

And I know it’s not necessarily...positive BUT there is something...hmmmm, crunchy in the fact that Ying Li so completely altered Wenwu’s life by simply loving him that when she died he was willing to raze the whole world to get her back, damn the consequences.

Trying to properly explore toxic and negative turns in previously loving family dynamics is such a difficult task to take on. I really liked the complexity of the Xu family. All the actors really sold the family side of things. It was an almost tangible thing how much you could see how the love they felt had turned bitter and painful over the years.

The final battle was epic and mind blowing (There was a fucking DRAGON flying around for gods’ sake!) but I do wish it had stayed a little more grounded for longer in the beginning of it when the Ten Rings were fighting the Ta Lo warriors. I wanted to see more of that fight before they had the turn to becoming temporary allies against the soul suckers. It became a little too much of a CGI mash, for me, in some parts of it.

Still, the emotional beats held and the core of the story of this grieving family trying to hold on to the tatters of their world stayed consistent even through the final battle. I can forgive a lot because of the strong sense of character and connection there.

Plus, it’s a comic book movie. Spectacle is the name of the game and at least this one had cool fantasy beasts and dope fight choreo. 

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. Let’s wrap it up here. Suffice it to say, I had a wonderful time with this movie. I’m ready for the next one!

#shang chi #shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #mcu #xu shang-chi #simu liu #tony leung #xu wenwu #meng'er zhang #xu xialing #ying li #fala chen #mcu spoilers #shang chi spoilers #liveblogging

[princessfbi]

Can you break down Bobby?

I would love to!

Best Buddy Bobby Nash coming right up!

How I feel about this character

I love Bobby! I was explaining to a friend who doesn't watch 911 that my love for the main characters is kind of like a pyramid. Bobby's on the lower level but without him the rest would crumble which I think speaks huge volumes of just how well done the characters are on this show. I love his humor and wish we saw more of it. I love how present he is in a scene even if he only says a few words. I love how we can go several episodes without having a real storyline with him but the moment we do, we're immediately right back into those feelings. I love his solution to all of the heartache is to offer ice cream. He's my Midwestern bean and I love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Athena all the way. I love that we get to see how comfortable they are with each other but I also love their storyline this season. I love how strong Athena is but I do love that we got to see the perspective of what it is like to be the partner to someone that fierce and independent without villainizing Athena in the process. Bobby didn't feel like he was a part of that partnership. This was another case of someone not feeling like they were heard but in this case, we got to see those feelings being validated, discussed, and processed. When a relationship hits a miscommunication bump, it doesn't automatically mean someone has to be the bad guy which is too often the case in writing. It was refreshing that it could be dealt with in a very authentic, human way.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

GOD! Everyone? I love me some Dad!Bobby feels with Buck. You all know this. But I also love Dad!Bobby feels with Eddie and Chimney too. I love how Hen can be straight up with Bobby and he actually listens to her. I love how Chimney can be open with Bobby in a way he isn't even able to be when he's with Hen. I love how Bobby, who in season one dealt with so much guilt that he thought he was worthless, was proven wrong by these idiots. I love how Bobby is a safe place for people to be open and vulnerable and supported. I think that's why Buck went to the extremes with the lawsuit because up until then he had full faith that Bobby was a completely safe person and space in his life. To be told otherwise just knocked down his confidence to sub level.

This is my problem I have with leader figures. They don't listen. They make executive decisions and fight you when you call them out about it (ie. Steve Rogers vs Tony Stark). The problem with authority figures in me hates watching leader figures just expect everyone to fall in line.

But Bobby, for the most part, doesn't do that. He accepts people for who they are. He anticipates that they'll fall and instead of trying to prevent it (most times because again he falters when it comes to Buck) he waits for them to need him to put them back together. That's why I love those scenes between him and Eddie so much. He doesn't push Eddie to come to him but when he does, he's there unconditionally. I said before that I think Bobby was a person Eddie desperately needed in his life (someone who would accept him for who he is and not judge him or try to change him) but I think this is the case for everyone on the team.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't really think it's unpopular (I know it's a popular opinion so it's more of a twist on a popular opinion) but I think Bobby really needs to work on how he handles his double standards with Buck.

BUT

I think those double standards stem from a deep rooted sense of guilt Bobby has in regards to Buck. I think Bobby didn't recognize how deeply rooted Buck's pain was until it was too late. Buck nearly died because of Bobby. And Buck keeps trying over and over to prove to Bobby that he's willing to take the risk of his own life and it stresses Bobby the hell out. Because I don't think Bobby knows how to tell Buck he doesn't need to throw himself on every grenade. But Bobby also doesn't know how to hear that Buck doesn't blame him for the truck bombing either.

I think their deepest disconnect has everything to do with Bobby's guilt and Buck's feeling of (lack there of) worthiness. They don't know how to address those with one another (I don't think Bobby fully understood Buck until Buck Begins and I still don't think Buck understands that Bobby's true frustrations aren't with his recklessness but rather his inability to see that he's someone who is deeply cared for) and until they do learn how to communicate that, I think it will remain a point of miscommunication.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish with all my heart that we get to see Bobby address the "You're an important person in my life, Bobby. One of the most important." Like that statement... is huge and you can tell Buck meant every word. But for that to be said to Bobby, a man who thought he failed not only the people he really mattered to (his wife and children and team) but total strangers as well... like... I want to see how Bobby processes that. I want to see Bobby 'Well Buck's not my kid so' Nash handles being told to his face just how much he means to someone. Bobby, albeit quietly, has struggled with feeling like he's important in people's lives. He knows he's important from a distance because when he feels important is when he's on the job. But Bobby struggles constantly to feel wanted and needed by the people in his life outside of the job (see the tension we have with Athena in season 4). I want to see how Bobby deals with Buck straight up saying to his face that he's wanted and needed. Because I think, like Buck, Bobby doesn't know how to hear that and believe it as well.

Give Me A Character and I’ll Break Them Down

#Bobby Nash #Evan 'Buck' Buckley #Hen Wilson #Eddie Diaz #Athena Grant #Bathena #character analysis #writing talk #911 on fox #clairatysabitch #ask #answered

[topsyturvy-dream]

Title: Temptation

Scene Explanation: This scene happened during the night you and Jiraiya reconnected with each other. Jiraiya was the one you’ve been crushing on during your childhood years, and eventually pining for as you both grew up, but due to a fall out, your life took a different turn than what you expected. Now that you’re face-to-face again after many years, will you both give in to the temptation and act on the ‘”what could have been”?  

Artist’s Notes: I know that I said that this will be posted in December 2020, but then so many unexpected things happened and I only finished this art in early February this year. And then, more unexpected things happened once again, so it took so long for me to write the full background story (under read more). And so, here we are! 😂 Anyways, I’m so excited to get started on my next one, which will be about Minato! So stay tuned! 💕

OC Background Story:

You are a niece of Sarutobi Biwako, the Third’s Hokage’s wife, through your father’s side, and the cousin of Dan Kato through your mother’s side. When you were younger, you were placed in a promising team; however, because of a mission gone wrong, your sensei and one of your teammates were killed in action, and your third teammate decided to quit becoming a ninja. While trying to find a new team for you, Biwako insisted that Hiruzen take you in as a temporary member of his team, and thus, that was how you met and became fast friends with Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru.

 Growing up, you have always had a small crush on Jiraiya. His vibrant personality and unique looks caught your eye and your heart. When you reached your early adult years, your attraction to him was reciprocated, which resulted in a “friends with benefits” relationship. Late night pillow talks and increasing quality time spent together made you develop your feelings for him deeply. But even though Jiraiya is a frequent companion of yours whether in bed or in the streets, you know that his heart belongs to Tsunade. Unfortunately, you are not all kind. Seeing that Tsunade and Dan had an attraction to each other, you were the main reason that they ended up in a romantic relationship. After all, who better than to introduce your best friend to your cousin and fully support their relationship other than you. Maybe then, you can have Jiraiya; all is fair in love and war, they say.

 Your relationship with Jiraiya came into question during an important alliance mission. Visiting the foreign nobility’s court to discuss the alliance terms, one of the noble’s sons had a deep attraction for you. Throughout the mission, he would do everything in to woo you, send you beautiful flower arrangements, expensive jewelleries, and even try to accompany and show you around the country. As the time came for you, Jiraiya, and your team to go back to Konoha, the noble’s son decided to see you off the village, but not without inviting you to come back and stay so that he can properly court you.

 Back at the village, Jiraiya would frequently tease you about the noble’s son, especially when you’re both out with mutual friends. However, one day, you were having such a bad day and was in no mood for his antics, so you decided to walk out of the restaurant you were hanging out in and go back to your place to cool off. Jiraiya, who felt bad for making you more upset, decided to follow you to talk. Not being able to take keeping your feelings a secret anymore, you confessed your love for him at his instant, telling him that you don’t want to be his friends with benefit anymore because you love him and that you want to have a proper relationship with him. But like you feared when finally confessing, Jiraiya couldn’t return your love because he still has feelings for Tsunade. Hurt by this revelation of unrequited love, you ask Jiraiya whether you are just Tsunade’s replacement – a temporary fill in his bed to chase away the loneliness until Tsunade changes her mind and decides to love him instead – to which Jiraiya was speechless. Not being able to bear the sadness, you told Jiraiya “I thought as much” and left him alone.

 Needing time to process everything and because it was very awkward, you and Jiraiya would avoid each other. Very much heartbroken, you decided to be the chosen one to go back and reside in the foreign nobility’s court to lead the alliance efforts. Maybe that will help you forget about your heartache. So, you leave, and a few years later, the noble’s son proposes and you accept.

 Original Ending (Angst)

 Many years later, after losing most of his precious people from Konoha, Jiraiya decides to travel and work alone. He hates the quiet, because he would reminisce of days pasts, and he would often remember you and wonder what would have happened if he had given you a chance and moved on from Tsunade. It is during some of these musings that the regret will come, because deep down inside, Jiraiya does love you, too.

 It just so happens that fate or coincidence made him cross paths with you again. Somewhere at the edge of the country you’re in, Jiraiya foils a kidnapping attempt made at the youngest daughter of a noble family. Bringing her back to the village, he finds out that the child he saved is yours.

 Grateful for Jiraiya’s help in saving his favourite grandchild and also recognising him as one of the legendary ninjas, your father-in-law decided to host Jiraiya for dinner and let him stay the night in your home to rest before he continues on his travels. Since your husband is currently away from the village for some business matters, you were given the task of hosting him and keeping him company; after all, you did know Jiraiya from before you left Konoha. As the night falls, you and Jiraiya ended up having a drink together and reminisce about old times – laughing about some of your training antics and mission experiences together.

 Jiraiya suddenly turns serious; he asks you how you were and whether you’re happy. You were truthful with him. Your life has changed drastically. You’re a retired shinobi in a boring and loveless marriage with a womanising noble, which is definitely not what you pictured your future would have been, but here you are. Jiraiya, for once, doesn’t run away. He apologises to you for what happened that one fateful night many years ago. He apologises for not giving you a chance, even if he already had an inkling feeling that you have caught feelings for him. He says sorry for not realising sooner that cares so much about you too, that he does love you too. But as he was about to say those three words that you’ve always longed to hear, you placed your fingers on top of his lips to silence him, telling him that you don’t want to think about the what ifs. Jiraiya, understanding that you both can’t turn back time, kisses your fingers, your palms, looks into your eyes, and kisses you passionately on your lips. This led to the both of you making love throughout night, the first since years ago.

 Basking in the afterglow and lying in bed together, you decided to let Jiraiya know your real feelings. You told him that you waited so long for him. When the noble’s son wanted to marry you, you tried to put it off as much as possible. You waited, and waited, and waited for him to come get you; hoping of all hopes that maybe, he changed his mind and decided to move on from Tsunade and give you both a chance, because you know that deep inside, Jiraiya has feelings for you, too. You waited, until you can’t anymore. So, you said yes to the noble’s son, and the rest is history. You never did have closure. You were angry. You are angry, telling Jiraiya that “I hate that I still love you. I hate that I waited for you, but you never came.” So, you told him that this is the last time ever that he can come to this village, telling him that he’s not coming back to destroy your life anymore. After that, you had angry/hate sex together, and in the morning, Jiraiya is gone.

 You became pregnant with your last child that night, but no one really knows who the real dad is because your child’s hair colour and features are mostly the same as yours. The only thing that shows that the child’s father is Jiraiya is that they have his eyes, his smile, and his squarish jaw line. You never did tell anyone that it was Jiraiya’s kid; it was a secret that you kept till your grave. And Jiraiya? He never did find out that he had a kid, too.

 This ending is when Jiraiya eventually dies at Pein's hands. One of Jiraiya's unreleased books, which he kept somewhere safe before he left for the Pein mission, is based on what could have been if he hadn’t let you get away and the both of you had your happily ever after in each other’s arms.

Alternate Ending (Happy)

 Jiraiya, who decided to have some balls and confront his feelings, chooses to run after you, and asks you to wait a little bit more for him because he loves you, too. So, you decide to decline the marriage proposal from the noble’s son, and once the alliance was established, you go back home to Konoha and decide to travel with Jiraiya. During your travels, he really gets to know you on a deeper level, and he falls deeper in love with you.

 One day, you both came across Tsunade briefly in your travels. Knowing that Jiraiya and her need some time alone, you leave the two of them to catch up, thinking that Jiraiya might want to be alone with Tsunade; thus, preparing yourself to be let down and rejected by him. During Tsunade and Jiraiya's meal (with sake, of course), he realises that he has finally moved on from her.

 That night, as he went back to his and your hotel room, he couldn't sleep thinking about his realisation that Tsunade doesn't make his heart beat fast anymore. Then he looks at your sleeping face, and it's like a whole load of inspiration just exploded inside him and the epiphany that you are the woman that he wants to grow old with. He then immediately wakes you up in the wee hours of the morning, kissing you (and you almost punched him for waking you up from your sleep). Jiraiya's all giddy and happy telling you "I love you" repeatedly. You were a bit sceptical though, but Jiraiya promises to show you that he really loves you through his actions.

 He does - he tries to show his love and appreciation for you every day, and his main masterpiece is a book that he finishes - wherein the heroine is inspired by you - and he declares his love for you in that book he wrote (calling himself stupid for not looking inside his heart sooner or something along the lines). You both continue your travels, and eventually get married and have children (of course, he gets to make love to you all the time, which is a bonus). He also gets to watch Naruto grow old and become the Hokage he is like his father. All is well.  

#jiraiya #naruto fanart #jiraiya x oc #jiraiya x reader #naruto #naruto shippuden #my little artwork #my little writings #i initially wasn't going to include jiraiya in my naruto oc series #but then i suddenly came up with the angst idea and i was so excited to share it that i decided to create an oc for him #it was like a puzzle piece trying to connect the dots though so that the oc's background story makes sense with the angst scene hehehehe #i really loved designing the oc though #i was trying to look for inspirations and then i saw this really beautiful princess so i based it off that #i tried to use reverse image search but then the source of the image didn't come out which was super sad #ALSO i totally forgot to include the cloth underneath the obi #by the time i wanted to add it in it was too late and i just wanted to finish this art because it was taking to long to finish #oh well i still had such great fun drawing the oc and jiraiya though #my favourite was colouring them because aaaahhh they're so colourful together

[cuttoothed]

Second fic for @aspecmartinweek, this time for the prompt “Family”. Jon/Martin, because it’s me.

I have many feelings about marriage as a societal convention with a...difficult history, and just as many feelings about marriage as an expression of love and devotion between individuals and also what makes a family so yeah. 

Tags/warnings: Incidental asexuality, sex averse ace Martin, sex averse ace Jon, mention of past break-ups due to sexual incompatibility, Martin’s relationship with his mother, Martin’s self-esteem issues.

*

Martin goes to his first family wedding when he’s five years old. He doesn’t really know what a wedding is, except that they go to sit in a church, and everyone is dressed up fancy, and his cousin Sarah is wearing the prettiest dress he’s ever seen. He asks his dad about it, while the vicar drones on.

“They’re getting married,” his dad explains in a whisper. “Because they love each other, and we’re all going to have a big party to celebrate that.”

That sounds pretty nice to Martin, and at the reception later he informs several of his older relatives that when he gets married, he’s going to wear his triceratops t-shirt, and the cake will be chocolate. 

Stuffed animal weddings become a fixture of Martin’s playtime, after that. He officiates over the unions, wearing his dad’s black suit jacket so he can be the vicar and with his mum’s day planner as the holy book of choice. 

“You know your dad and I are married,” his mum tells him one day, as he’s recounting the wedding of Fred the rabbit and Speckles the giraffe. 

“Really?” Martin asks, wide eyed. She laughs, and takes a photo album from the high shelf, and sits Martin down in her lap to show him the pictures of their wedding day. His mum is in a cream colored dress with flowers in her hair, and his dad is in a fine suit, and they both look so happy. 

Martin thinks that getting married must be the best thing in the world.

*

By the time he’s an adult, Martin has come to terms with the fact that he’s not the kind of person who gets married. Oh, he’s the sort who’d like to. Despite his dad’s piss poor example, he’s always been a romantic at heart. But he isn’t the kind of person that other people marry . 

He’s had a handful of relationships, few of which have lasted past the “wait, you don’t have sex?” conversation. Those that did, eventually fell apart for other reasons; he’s too needy, or he’s too nervous, or he devotes too much time and heartache to his mum.  

He still gets the occasional invitation to a family wedding, checks the RSVP boxes on the card and sends it back:

Yes, I will gladly attend!

No, I will not be bringing a guest

He’s not even sure why he goes, other than familial obligation. He wears his best suit, and sits through the service, the reception, the first dance, an observer to other people’s happiness. He braces himself for the inevitable questions from aunts and uncles and cousins:

Yes, he’s here by himself

Yes, his mum is fine

Yes, he knows they’ve legalized gay marriage now, lovely for all those couples, a real step forward for the country

After each wedding he writes his mum a letter to tell her about the service, and the dress, and the cake, and all the relatives who said hello and wished her the best. His mum never responds, but that’s not surprising. It’s barely even upsetting anymore. 

*

And then there’s Jon, and it’s...well, Martin’s never imagined being quite this happy. 

It’s not perfect, or even easy. There are mistakes and misunderstandings, the raw edges of their personalities sometimes rubbing up against each other in ways that hurt. But they forgive each other, and try harder, and they’re getting better at it every day. 

(In fact, the sex conversation is one of the easiest Proper Relationship Talks they’ve had, and there’s something kind of funny and fitting about that.) 

Jon is also not the kind of person who gets married, Martin knows, though in his case it’s by choice. Jon is pragmatic, doesn’t see the point in a lot of societal conventions and cultural traditions. He understands them—well enough to expound for over an hour on the classist implications of soup spoons one day—but he’s not much inclined to bend to them himself. 

They’ve never actually...discussed it, certainly not in relation to themselves, but Martin is very confident that it isn’t something Jon would want. And that’s fine. Jon loves him—he tells Martin so at least a dozen times a day, and he could never tire of hearing it—and that’s enough. More than enough.  

*

Martin gets an invitation to his cousin Paul’s wedding. 

He deliberates for a full day over whether to attend. He knows Jon won’t want to, and Martin doesn’t want to put him in an awkward position. But...there’s that sense of familial obligation again, and even though Martin is quite sure Paul wouldn’t even notice his absence, he’d feel guilty if he didn’t. He tells Jon about it quite casually, over dinner, trying not to put any hint of expectation into it.

“Right,” says Jon. “Do you want me to come?”

“Oh, I mean, if you want to? You don’t have to, though.”

Jon shrugs. “I’d rather spend the time with you than not. And I’ve never been to a wedding.”

“You’ve never—really?”

“I only had my grandmother growing up, and it isn’t as if I have old friends beating down my door to invite me to theirs. I was expecting Georgie’s to be the first,” he grumbles, “But she and Melanie are really taking their time about it.”   

“Okay,” says Martin, “Great!” He checks the RSVP boxes on the card:

Yes, I will gladly attend!

Yes, I will be bringing a guest.

*

The wedding is almost two months later, but Jon still ends up rushing out to buy a suit at the last minute because he forgot. He looks very handsome, though, and Martin finds himself smitten all over again. 

They sit through the service, and Martin nudges Jon to stand at the appropriate times. He does, politely, and afterwards at the reception, he politely greets Martin’s aunts and uncles and cousins as they approach, introduces himself and—diplomatically—answers questions about how he and Martin met, how long they’ve been together, what he does for a living. 

After a while he starts to look a little wild eyed, and Martin finally rescues him from great-aunt Susannah, towing him off into a corner to recover. 

“How are you doing?” Martin asks. 

“Your family are certainly...inquisitive.”

“Sorry, I know they’re a lot. If it makes you feel any better, they’ve been asking me about when I’m going to settle down and get married for the last decade.”

“Well, it’s nice that they’re concerned about you.”

“Nosey, more like,” Martin snorts. “Anyway, this is what my family’s weddings are like—what do you think?”

“It’s, ahh…” Jon glances around the loud, busy room, pop hits blaring from the DJ booth and fluorescent strobes lighting up the darkness. “It’s certainly something. I’m not sure I’d want our wedding to be like this.”

“Sorry, our what?” says Martin. 

“Oh,” says Jon. “I didn’t—I mean, not to assume or anything—”

 “You want to get married?”

“Not right this second!” Jon says hastily. “Probably not for a—a while? But I have thought of it. Potentially. For the future.”

“Oh, right,” Martin says, too stunned for anything else. The idea that Jon might want to actually get married, to him, is...well. A very new concept. 

“If you don’t want to, of course, we don’t have to by any means—”

“I want to,” Martin blurts, then feels his face go hot. “Not—not right now, like you said, but...I do want to. I want to marry you someday.” 

The words sound incredibly daring, coming from his mouth. Jon’s expression is relieved and delighted, and he grasps Martin’s hand in his. 

“That’s wonderful,” he says. “Martin, that’s....” He kisses Martin’s knuckles, fiercely, and then squeezes his hand tight. “Maybe we could have a...slightly smaller wedding, though?”

“You, me, a couple of witnesses and a registrar?” Martin grins at him. Jon smiles. 

“We can have some guests,” he says. “Once I don’t have your entire family to contend with.” 

“I think I can agree to that,” Martin laughs, and pulls him close. He doesn’t care who else is there: as long as he has Jon, Martin will have his family with him. 

#the magnus archives #tma #jonmartin #my fic #aspec martin week

[absolutelynoct]

"You should be in bed"

“Why are you here right now?” Cor asked Prompto as he took aim at the target, tears in his eyes while his hand was shaking. “You should be in bed.”

“I’m practicing,” Prompto replied, his finger shakily hesitating on the trigger. He was trying to stay calm, trying to keep his breathing even.Remember your training, he told himself. Keep calm, take aim, and fire. That’s all he had to do. But he was on the verge of tears, and Cor standing behind him wasn’t helping. His heart was thudding painfully in his chest as he thought about what had happened just earlier that day.

Prompto had been talking to some kids at the high school, all of them not exactly his friends but not exactly his enemies either. They were the type of kids who wanted to be friends with Noctis so they were nice to him. While he wasn’t exactly super excited to talk to them, when they had approached him today he had been particularly excited.

“Noctis wanted to give you this,” one of the girl’s said as she handed him a typed letter in a sealed envelope. “He was too nervous to give it to you so he asked me to instead.”

Prompto had been confused when he looked at the envelope, but as he read it he felt his cheeks flush red and his heart beat erratically for another reason. The letter said that Noctis liked him. He wanted to date him. He wanted to meet with him after school to talk to him about everything. This was Prompto’s chance. He had liked Noctis for so long, and now he was going to be able to tell Noctis that he liked him too. It was mutual.

After school, Prompto excitedly waited under the giant tree in the school grounds like the letter said to. He stood there, looking everywhere for Noctis as the students left the grounds in droves, all of them absorbed in their own conversations. A few students said hello to him, and he waved back excitedly, but his eyes were searching for Noctis. He couldn’t wait. Noctis was going to tell him that he liked him too. They were going to be together. It was mutual.

Prompto waited until all the students left the school. He waited until he was the only one on the school grounds. He waited and waited, his excitement turning to anxiety. He waited and pulled out the letter, reading it over and over. Maybe he got the time or the location wrong? He read it while he waited, reassuring himself that he was following the directions perfectly. He waited until a teacher came out and asked him what he was waiting for. The school gates were about to close. He had to go home.

That’s when he heard it. The snickering. Prompto felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, uncomfortable and embarrassing, as he saw the girl who had given him the letter come out from behind the corner of the school building with her group of friends, laughing. Noctis hadn’t written him the letter. Of course he hadn’t. She had so she could laugh at him. So they all could. They were using him for a cruel joke. Noctis wasn’t coming because he didn’t really like Prompto like that. Of course he wouldn’t. Prompto was an orphan of Niflheim, a rejected clone taken in by Cor “The Immortal” Leonis. Noctis was a prince.

“I can’t believe he fell for it,” one of the students laughed while Prompto tearfully ran as far away from the school grounds as possible. His heart was achingly embarrassed, his cheeks bright pink, his eyes swimming in tears. People could be so cruel, but he never expected this.

He had been so stupid when he thought about it. Noctis would never like a person like him. Sure they were friends, but romantically? That was impossible. All he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die when he realized that he had to go to school the next day, the rumors sure to run rampant once they told everyone that Prompto had actually waited for Noctis to confess to him in person. And there was no mistaking that they would tell everyone. It would get back to Noctis. He was doomed.

Prompto spent the better part of the evening hiding from Noctis, Ignis, and Gladio after he found his way back to the palace. He had to stay with Cor until graduation. That was the agreement when he took Prompto in. Now Prompto had to figure out how to avoid the three of them when Noctis had come back to the palace for one of his weekly dinners with the king. It filled Prompto with dread, sure that Noctis was going to catch wind of the joke made at his expense. It only made the embarrassment worse.

At one point Prompto managed to escape to the target range, and he stayed there to hide his shame, get out his anger, and wallow in his sadness. Of course Cor had found him now. Cor always found him, the best and most protective guardian Prompto ever had. He wanted to hide when Cor asked him why he was still awake. Prompto had lost track of the time, but more than that, he didn’t want to tell Cor the truth.

“Put the gun down, son,” Cor said softly. It was easy to tell something was wrong. He had to be blind to not see that. “Talk to me.”

Prompto set the gun down on the counter in front of him, but not before he put the safety back on. He looked at his adoptive father tearfully, not sure where to start. Cor was the one person who wouldn’t judge him if he told him what happened, but he couldn’t find the words to tell him just how embarrassed and hurt he was.

“I-I-...” Prompto tried, his voice choked up. Before he could say anything else, Cor was hugging him, his hand on the back of his head while he gave Prompto the space to cry into his shirt. Prompto clung to Cor, sobbing into his chest, his sorrow and embarrassment spilling over.

“It’s okay,” Cor said even though he didn’t know what the problem was. “Whatever it is, it will be okay.”

Prompto could only cry, knowing that things would be far from okay. He was going to be teased and bullied without mercy tomorrow. Who knew how long it was going to last? Who knew what Noctis would say when he found out. Would he even still want to be friends with Prompto once he knew that he liked him romantically?

Prompto’s phone went off, the chime indicating that Noctis was texting him. He pulled away from Cor and looked at it with a sense of impending doom. Dread made his stomach churn uncomfortably as he read the text. We need to talk. So he knew.

“I have to go,” Prompto said as he looked at his phone. He sent a quick text to Noctis, letting him know that he was heading back to his room. “I will be in my room. I promise I will tell you what happened.”

“Okay,” Cor said uncertainly, but there was a trust between them. If Prompto needed to be up a little bit later to work through this, Cor wasn’t going to stop him. And Prompto wasn’t going to take advantage of his trust either. “I’ll be close by if you need me.”

“Thanks dad,” Prompto replied. He wasn’t going to rush as he made his way to his room, especially once he got the text that Noctis would meet him there. This was not a conversation he was looking forward to.

Prompto felt his heart sink into his stomach and his stomach sink into the floor once he saw that Noctis was waiting outside his room in the palace, leaning against the wall and looking so beautiful that it had to be illegal. He blushed bright red, knowing that Noctis knew as soon as he looked at him. Trying to be nonchalant, he went up to the door to unlock it.

“H-hey Noct,” Prompto said as he avoided eye contact in favor of trying to get his key in the door. It slipped out of his hand and clattered to the floor. “Whoops.”

When he bent down to grab it, he paused. Noctis had bent down too and their hands touched, a fire of electricity where their fingers grazed each other. Prompto looked up and saw Noctis’s face so close to his, both of them trying to reach the key first. His cheeks were bright pink beneath his freckles. This was so bad, and he knew that it was only going to be worse now that Noctis knew he had a crush on him.

“S-sorry,” Prompto said as he grabbed the key and stood up quickly. “Y-you are probably here to talk to me about what happened today, right?”

“Prompto-” Noctis began, but Prompto cut him off.

“I was pretty lame, right?” Prompto chatted as he successfully unlocked his door and opened it. “I guess th-there’s no way someone like you could l-like someone like me, huh?”

“Prompto-” Noctis began again. Tears came to Prompto’s eyes as he thought about what it would do to their friendship.

“I won’t treat you any differently,” Prompto tried. “I hope we can still be f-friends.”

“Prompto!” Noctis nearly shouted. Prompto turned and looked at him, his eyes widening in surprise as Noctis pressed his lips against his suddenly and quickly.

At first he didn’t know what to do. This was a trick, right? Was he in on the joke and just prolonging his heartache? But then Noctis’s tongue brushed against his lips, and he was kissing him back, their arms around each other as they let years of sexual tension release within their kisses. Noctis was kissing him and he was kissing Noctis. This wasn’t a joke or a trick. They liked each other. It really was mutual.

“I’m going to fucking kill those people who were so mean to you,” Noctis breathed as he pulled away from the kiss, still holding onto Prompto. “But I’m also glad that I can finally confess to you now that I know I wasn’t just imagining things. I like you Prompto. Will you be my boyfriend?”

Prompto’s heart did several flips, twists, and turns as he blushed bright red. This was the last thing he was expecting, and yet it was everything he ever wanted. “Yes,” he said excitedly. “Please.”

Noctis laughed at the politeness. “Then let me in your room. After all, you should be in bed.”

#ffxv #thanks for asking! #amitiel writes #ffxv fanfiction #ffxv fanfic #prompt #promptis #Noctis Lucis Caelum #prompto argentum #cor leonis #noctis #prompto #fanfic #oneshot #ffxv prompt #this was longer than i expected whoops #but i really enjoyed writing this

[imaconstantmess]

Until. Part 2/?

Part 2, criticism still needed and welcome, wanted to say thank you to everyone who reblogged/ noted because you gave me the confidence boost to write a part 2 ❤️

Is this too long? Please let me know 

part 1 here

Steve x gender neutral! Reader

Steve’s mind has been occupied for the past few weeks, and it’s got something to do with the recruit he’s been assigned to train.

Warnings: swearing

The ride home on the back of Steve’s bike was loud. You could feel the wind nipping at your skin and the engine roaring underneath you, and it was brilliant. You smiled wide as the blur of New York lights went past you, and almost felt like letting out a ridiculously loud laugh until you remembered who you were riding with. You thought it best not to embarrass yourself infront of your captain. As Steve got closer to his home, the sound of traffic grew quieter. The city never does really sleep.

He pulled up behind a large, fairly average looking apartment building and started to turn the keys to his bike. You let go of his waist and hopped off the bike before it got awkward, and started to fiddle with the strap of your- his- helmet. Steve looked at you with a slight smirk while he watched you struggle. He was about to do it for you when you found the little side clip preventing you from taking it off. You let out a little victory sound as Steve raised an eyebrow at you.

“What? It’s not like it was obvious” you smiled at him. The bike ride made you feel better than you should have felt, considering what had happened, however you found it hard to be upset in the prolonged presence of the dear old captain.

“Hey, I didn’t say anything.” He laughed with mock offence. You two made small talk while walking to the elavator, Steve letting you in first. He pressed the button and stood back, turning to you. “You can stay with me for as long as you need, you know. I wasn’t fond of Starks curfews either”

“Thank you, Steve. Really, you’ve got no idea how much I appreciate you doing this for me.” You sent him a warm, but tired smile which he returned. The lack of sleep was brought back to your attention with the yawn you had to stifle. You both got out of the elevator, and let Steve lead you to his apartment. You were both being quiet, considering your neighbours, as as you entered the apartment you took in how nice it was. It was modern, but still homey. Part of you expected it to be at least a little out-dated, but we’re pleasantly surprised.

“Nice place you got. Was almost expecting it to look like my grandmas living room” you joked. Steve cracked a smile and tried not to laugh. He loved it when you made backhanded compliments like that, it helped him find humour and a bit of normality in his strange situation. It also kept him sharp.

“If the pottery she keeps sending you is any indication, that woman’s got style” he hung his jacket up and motioned for you to do the same.

“She takes commissions you know. I’ll tell her to give you the friends and family discount” you sent him a mischievous smile as you both walked towards his kitchen. The warm neutral tones his lamps created made you feel sleepy, but for some reason you wanted to be awake.

“I’ll keep that in mind if I need a fruit bowl. Or a key bowl. Or a-“

“OK I get it, my grandma likes making me things.” You finished with a laugh. Steve smiled too, and you saw his eyes crinkle. But those crinkled eyes looked tired, which reminded you why you were here. You pulled out your phone from your back pocket to glance at the time. 3:47am. You hadn’t even realised.

Steve noticed something different when you pulled out your phone. He’d noticed the texts Tyler had sent you, and a few missed calls. He didn’t see what he wrote, he just saw the heart emoji still next to his name. He’d seen it pop up while you were training before. It also reminded him why you were here and not getting the rest you deserve. With that thought, he turned to go towards his room, leaving you a little bit confused on what to do.

“Wait here a sec, I’ll get you something to sleep in. There’s a washer- dryer- combo thing that stark gave me in the utility room “ he scrunched his eyebrows a little when trying to explain it “you can wash your clothes for in the morning” as he left, you took more time to admire the apartment. Warm tones and wooden furniture, with navy blue accents here and there. It was very... Steve. You couldn’t see any pictures on the walls, but the apartment felt lived in. There were a few books placed neatly here and there, and you smiled when you saw the record player in the corner. And then at the other side of the room, a stereo, which screamed ‘STARK’. Behind the stereo you saw lots of CDs, and wondered what kind of modern music Steve was into. You were friends enough to know that Bucky was Steve’s best friend, and friends enough to know that Steve trusted you with the embarrassing tales of his childhood and early 20s that you couldn’t find in the history books. He sometimes talked of his mother, Sarah when he was in a good mood, saying he wished she could see the world today. You told him about your current life, about what shows you were obsessed with, about times when you were not the witty shield agent he usually saw, but just a regular dumbass going about their day to day life. He’d scolded you for calling yourself that, but after tripping over your shoes and going nose first into your door that morning, you begged to differ. It’s not like you hid your past from him, but the subject never really came up. It was a pretty normal childhood in your opinion, although you rarely saw your dad as he worked abroad a lot. Your mother was a stressful person, but she could also be the most understanding mother in the world. You went to a normal school and had normal friends, and there wasn’t really much else too it. But for some reason, the idea of bringing justice to the world had stuck with you since you were a kid. Funnily enough, you’d wanted to be a superhero. You never thought you’d end up actually working with one.

“I don’t really have anything smaller, but I think these should fit?” He handed you a pair of grey gym shorts and a light grey t-shirt. They were too big for you, but with the mans super soldier size it was understandable.

“I’m just surprised you own a pair of shorts” Steve rolled his eyes “it’s like you live for joggers and jeans”

“I mean if you don’t want them-“

“No no, these are fine. Thank you.” Steve smiled, he knew he’d won. Your relationship with him was built on free flowing jokes, sarcasm rooted deeply within you both. Steve was usually just a bit more reserved, keeping his comments to himself. He felt comfortable enough not hold back infront of you.

“Good news though” Steve said with an easy grin.

“And what would that be?” You really hoped he wasn’t being sarcastic.

“I’m giving you- well us- the day off tomorrow. There’s no way in hell I’m training recruits when I’m this tired.” He ran a hand through his hair and rested his hand on his neck as he let out a small sigh.

“Does somebody get cranky?” You laughed at him while he rolled his eyes. “Because honestly, I’d be cranky too. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m not setting an alarm”

“Trust me, I’m not either. Been dying to get a decent nights rest for a while now. Your rooms just down the hall, want a cup of coffee or anything?” You couldn’t read the look on his face, putting it down to you just being tired after over 24 hours of being awake. Steve was hoping you’d stay up for a while longer. He knew it was selfish, but talking to you, with no distractions or interruptions was addictive. He’d been savouring every moment he could get with you, never crossing the platonic line you had created. He wouldn’t make a move on you, but by god did he wish he could. At first glance, he knew you were attractive. Not just in your looks, but the way you held yourself and the personality that seemed to shine through when you spoke. You were reserved, yet confident in whatever short sentences you had to say. And that was just the beginning. The reason Steve had been losing sleep was because of you. He’d be worried when you came to training irritated or angry, but not unloading your problems or talking to anyone- to him - about them. He kept himself up at night, debating whether or not his feelings had begun to border romantic or of it was just a crush that would go away. He never dared think of you in a sexual way, feeling as if it was a boundary, that if crossed would change his behaviour towards you. Change his behaviour enough to push you away, when all he wanted to do was hold you tight and tell you everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t his place. Before, that was Tyler’s job. He was the one who was supposed to comfort you, because he was the one you chose to give your world to. And he took it and he threw it away, and he hurt you. And Steve was willing to bet he hurt you more than you’d let on and he was angry. You didn’t deserve heartache at all, and seeing you with tears in your eyes, in such a vulnerable place made his heart hurt too. Before he could think about it any longer, you spoke.

“Nah I’m alright. I think I’d better head to bed. Not everyone has super-soldier-stamina like you” you held the clothes Steve had given you a little closer to your chest. He gave you an understanding smile, and gestured you to go down the hall.

“There should be a couple of spare toothbrushes in the cabinet. Take your pick.” Steve stepped back a little as he gestured, not realising how close you were. You made your way to walk past him, peeking down the hall.

“Goodnight Steve” you placed your hand on his arm “and thank you. For- well for everything” Steve’s heart swelled at the contact.

“You’re welcome y/n. Go get a good nights rest. I’ll be here in the morning.” With one last smile you made your way to the room at the end of the hall, while Steve entered his own. The room had a standard double in the middle, a set of drawers and 2 night stands on either side of the bed. You found the lamp that was on the drawers, and as you turned it on you could see the room clearly. The walls were white, but the carpet was a nice, dark grey. The curtains that outlined the window looked more for decoration, a simple line pattern going across brought a little colour into the room with different shades of blue. There was a grey black out blind, which you were grateful for, and not much else. The furniture was wooden. Painted white. The lamps and the bedding were a simple blue, which matched the curtains well. You could tell it was a guest bedroom. It wasn’t lived in at all. To your left you saw a door, which you assumed would be the en suite. As you thought of a shower, you remembered how gross you must look and decided the first thing you were going to do was shower. The bathroom was nice, but small. It had a decent mirror, and as you looked at it you wondered if Steve noticed the bit of ketchup on your face from earlier. You found a toothbrush in the cabinet, and what looked to be toothpaste. You set them aside as you turned the water on. As you got in the hot shower, your muscles relaxed and you were left alone with your thoughts. Which, as you would find out, was a bad idea. You thought of Tyler, and the life you had made together just suddenly gone. You remembered how you’d both laughed and cried at the same movies, and how many times you’d had dinner with your mother. All of it just... gone. A flood of emotions went through you as your face felt hot and your eyed stung.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry...”you whispered as you felt the tears escape “...fuck” you were in the shower a few minutes longer than you would have been, having cried out all the pent up emotion. You got out and dried your hair with a towel, and changed into Steve’s clothes. You felt a strange sense of calm, when you put them on. The smell of Steve was usually clean, like fresh linen, and something just distinctly... him. You crawled into bed after turning the light off, and let sleep consume you.

——————————————————-

When you woke up, you felt a whole lot lighter. You checked your phone, which was on 17%, and the time read 10:30. You didn’t sleep for as long as you would have liked, but your stomach rumbled and compelled you to get up and have breakfast. You washed your face with cold water to wake you up a little and headed towards the kitchen.

——————————————————

It was 7 am when Sam and Bucky met up for their usual daily run. The sun was starting to come out and they were ready to go, except they were missing someone.

“You heard from Steve? He’s usually on my ass about being late” sam said as he was doing a little stretching before the run.

“Was about to ask you the same thing. He did leave late last night after your trainee decided to try play a power move. Could hear Fury giving the speech to the trainees about how you must ‘treat each mentor how you would treat your own’” Bucky replied, doing a half-assed impression of the Director. Sam let out a chuckle.

“Old mans probably catching up on his beauty sleep. I’ll go over after we’re done. Coming with?” Sam finished his stretching and limbered up a little.

“Sure thing.” Bucky was a little concerned about Steve. Usually he’d call or text if he couldn’t come on a run, but he had been tired lately.

They both settled in to a comfortable pace, Bucky going slower than usual to keep Sam company. It was around 9:45 when they’d finished. Sam was sweaty, but used a towel to dry off and after some deodorant, put on a new shirt.

“You always keep a change of clothes in your car?” Bucky asked, only half sarcastic.

“With the situations y’all put me in, it’s nice to be prepared” Sam’s tone was light, showing that he was joking. Bucky was getting used to the dry humour Sam had, and although he’d never admit it he usually found him quite funny.

They got in the car and after about 5 minutes of having a drink and catching their breath, they started making their way to Steves apartment.

———————————————-

Steve had woken up just before 10. He had a quick shower before exiting his room, now in some comfy jeans and a T-shirt he found in his wardrobe. He wasn’t really planning on going anywhere today, but he was going to ask what you wanted to do. He was about to look in the fridge before he heard a knocking at his door. He went to answer it, as it was getting louder and louder by the minute. He already knew who it was. He opened the door with a blank expression as Bucky and Sam strolled into the apartment.

“Where were you man? Didn’t feel like leaving me in the dust today?” Sam asked as he looked in the fridge, frowning once he saw it was empty. “You got anything to eat? I’m starving.” And as if on cue his stomach rumbles.

“Please say you do, he’s been complaining all the way here” Bucky added with a smirk. Sam was about to retort when Steve spoke.

“Could you guys keep it down a little?” And from the looks on their faces he knew he just said the wrong thing.

Sam spoke up first, putting 2 + 2 together.

“Why? Who else is here?” He said much quieter, but Steve heard it. He knew he wasn’t going to hear the end of this.

“Wait, you actually brought someone over?” Bucky couldn’t believe it. Steve finally had the guts to pick up a date. The faint sound of water running confirmed their theories.

“Are they hot?” Sam asked with anticipation on his face.

“Are they nice?” Bucky asked, a bit more protective of his friend. Steve had little luck/ experience in the dating department and he didn’t want his friend hurt. Before Steve could answer, the door to the spare room opened. They heard footsteps coming down the hall and waited for who it could possibly be.

—————————————————

You stepped out of the hall into the kitchen, phone in your pocket as you were debating to go knock on Steve’s bedroom door. You jumped as you saw 3 men in the kitchen, but calming down when you recognised the familiar faces.

“Morning” you greeted them with a tired smile. Bucky and Sam just stared at you. “What’s up?” You asked with caution. They didn’t seem to blink.

“...is this what it looks like?” Sam asked, gesturing to your attire. Tired from just waking up, you didn’t get the meaning behind his words.

“Is what what it looks like?” You asked as you his a yawn.

“Did you two...?” Bucky made a more obvious gesture between you and Steve. You glanced down, momentarily forgetting what you were wearing. You supposed it did look a bit suspicious.

“Oh! Uh, no. We didn’t- we didn’t do anything like that.” You had blushed a little, the situation being a little more than embarrassing. Steve spoke up then, saving you from the questions that were bound to be fired at you.

“Y/n needed a place to stay last night. It was a little last minute, so I let y/n borrow some clothes” Steve didn’t want to tell them what happened, he didn’t feel as if it was his place. Bucky saw the worried look on Steves face and decided to speak.

“What happened?” He asked softly “how come you didn’t go home?” You and Bucky were friends. You weren’t as close to him as you were to Steve, but you two talked often enough around the compound to consider each other friends.

Steve looked at you then, worried about of you actually wanted to tell them. You caught his look and gave him a small smile that seemed to say ‘it’s ok’.

“Well, long story short, I did go home, but me and Tyler had a bad fight. I couldn’t stay there, and Steve found me and offered me a place to sleep.” Bucky looked a lot more understanding to the situation while Sam looked angry.

“What an asshole.” Sam muttered under his breath. You let out a little laugh at that and it lightened the mood.

“You and him still together?” Bucky asked, still speaking softly. He met Tyler once, you two passed him on the street and you stopped to say hi. Tyler didn’t look interested in what you were saying at all, and Bucky had caught him staring at a woman walking past. He didn’t say anything to you then, not wanting to cause an argument when you looked happy. He’d told Steve of course, and Steve nearly knocked another punching bag off it’s hook.

“No, we aren’t. And Im not planning on being with him again. Ever.” You said with a bit of anger in your voice. You figured it wouldn’t hurt to tell them what caused you to leave. “He tried to get physical. Threw something at my head. Not putting up with that bullshit... so I wandered around for a while and found Steve. That’s it.” You looked directly at Sam as you finished your little speech, feeling as if he would have something to add. He kept quiet at your look. Everyone seemed to almost look down, unsure what to say. You decided to lighten the mood. “Is there anything for breakfast? I’m starving.”

“No, there isn’t, because SOMEBODY doesn’t want to keep his fridge full.” Sam gave a pointed look at Steve, and Steve seemed a little offended.

“I’ve been busy! And you two eat most of the food I buy.” Bringing Bucky back into the conversation. Sam and Steve carried on with the friendly banter and you were laughing at them along with Bucky.

“You’re both like an old married couple” you said to them both, which made Steve shut up and Sam act mock offended.

“Old? You’re calling me OLD? I have never in my LIFE been more insulted. I thought we were friends y/n” you couldn’t keep a straight face as you both burst in to laughter. Steve was happy. You were here, you were laughing with his friends. He could get used to it.

“How about we go out for breakfast? It’s not even 11 yet” Bucky suggested , looking at his watch. Steve remembered your attire, and thought it’s probably best you didn’t go out like that- you’d be uncomfortable being in a busy place in your pjs. Before he could step in for you, you answered.

“As much as I’d love that, I don’t have any clothes. I forgot to wash mine yester- well, this morning “ Sam had a thoughtful look on his face.

“Do you have the key to your apartment?”

“Yeah, why?” You didn’t know where this was going.

“I can go pick up some stuff if you’d like.” Sam asked you, and Steve cursed himself for not offering to do that sooner.

“I’ll go too. Help carry some things” Bucky was being a gentleman, but he was really going to make sure none of your things had been broken. People do weird things when they’re angry. And also, to stop Sam from ‘throwing hands’ as the spider boy called it. It would give you and Steve some time to talk at least.

“Really? You two are life savers.” You looked at everyone.”I’ll go find my keys” you turned around and headed for your room. You came back, gave them the keys and they were off. You turned to Steve with a smile, he’d been quiet.

“You ok? If you’re still tired you should get some rest” your brows creased a little bit in concern. You didn’t know if he got much sleep.

“I’m fine n/n, I’m more worried about how YOU’RE doing” he mirrored your concerned stance. He’d never called you n/n before, it was nice. You told him that you were fine, that you were better than you thought you’d be. He listened to your every word, making you feel as if what you had to say was actually important. It was nice having someone listen to your problems for a change. Sam and Bucky called, they didn’t actually know where your apartment was. They FaceTimed using Steve’s phone, pointing out which things were yours. You and Steve were on the couch at this point, sat quite close so you both could be on camera. Neither of you mentioned it, but you weren’t complaining. After getting some things like your laptop, phone charger, a rucksack full of clothes and your safe box from under the bed (you kept your gun and money in it, easier to grab in difficult situations. Every trainee had one) they were on their way back. Bucky accidentally turned the camera around, and was walking around with it pointed to the floor. As he stepped around the broken pottery from last night, Steve saw how many broken pieces there were. He knew it was thrown hard.

“Bucky, we can’t see you” you said to him. Bucky pointed the phone at his face but the camera was still turned around. There was a hole in the wall, and it looked big. Steve almost went white, that could have been your skull. He kept quiet as Bucky turned the camera around.

“We’ve got most of your stuff, but I think you might have to come find the rest” he said as he gave a quick glance round.

“Yeah that’s fine. Don’t forget to lock up, see you two later”

“Later”

Bucky ended the call and left you and Steve alone on the couch. He looked at you and asked if you were alright. His arm was along the top of the sofa, behind your back. You leaned back into his arm and let out a sigh. This was the most intimate position you two had ever been in outside of training, but it felt natural. Nice, even. You told him how you would be a lot better after you had food, and laughed it off.

You’d never had support like this before. You’d never had friends who were willing to take you in without even being asked, to drop everything. That was until you met the avengers. Until you met him.

Until you met Steve Rogers.

———————————————————-

A/n: am I making these too long? Or rambling? Idk I’ve never written before so sorry if it’s not great 🥺

#steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers #marvel #captain america #bucky barnes #sam wilson

[sourwolfstories]

Hey! Can you rec some sterek soulmate! Fics pls? Thank you so much

Marked by Verya

The name of a person’s soulmate appears on their skin, in that person’s handwriting, at the age of twenty. Derek has been wondering for the past several years, what kind of name is Mieczyslaw?

Body Language by LadyMerlin

In an alternate universe, soulmates exist, and they can communicate with each other by writing on their own skin.

The catch? No one knows their soulmates’ name. It could literally be anyone under the sun, and Stiles just doesn’t have that kind of patience.

Ink Me by AsagiStilinski

Derek is never going to find his soulmate, because there’s no way in hell there exists a man named Mieczyslaw in Beacon Hills

Then Erica hires Stiles

Beat by Kalira

Derek’s heartsong isn’t quite normal, but he’s always loved the drumming beat that winds through his dreams. He didn’t expect to find that its origin, his other half, has been waiting right in front of him.

Accidents Happen by pyrrhical (anoyo)

Settling a soul bond was exactly as romantic as the movies made it seem: a simple kiss.

As it so happened, CPR worked, too.

Fate Thinks It’s Funny by AsagiStilinski

In a world where everyone has their soulmate’s first words to them printed on their wrists, Derek and Stiles end up with some of the worst: “Oh God please help” and “Derek” respectively

To be fair, their first meeting is almost as ridiculous as it sounds like it would be

Take My Mind, Take My Pain by LessonsFromMoths

Soulmate AU where you have a black stain where your soulmate is supposed to touch you for the first time and it turns to millions of colors once they do.Stiles was born with a very visible black palm on his cheek.

Three Marks by sanam

“And then there was pain again, but this time it was in only three places—his arm, below his clavicle, and next to his heart, all on the left side. It felt like the skin was being sliced apart, ripped open, flayed off—And suddenly it was done.Derek looked across the room and saw the boy on the floor, looking about as bad as Derek felt.”

Derek and Stiles learn that bonding is probably best done with ridiculous amounts of video games and maybe a little bit of time.

In Name Only by Cobrilee

In a world where no one finds out who their soulmate is until after they get married, Stiles concocts the perfect scheme: marry his long-time client, Derek Hale…

You know. Just to find out who he should be marrying.

There’s no way this could go wrong.

Yeah, Pass The Salt, Stiles by CallieB

Yeah, pass the salt, Stiles.

They’re not particularly inspiring words. Not like the long stream of goo spilling over Scotty’s arm. But somewhere, Stiles’ soulmate is out there, waiting to say them to him.

If only he could stop thinking about the mysterious hot stranger he met in the woods.

A Second Chance at First Impressions by Cobrilee

Derek grew up with the world’s most embarrassing soulmark, which is honestly not the best first impression his soulmate could make. Then he meets the guy, and all of a sudden the soulmark doesn’t matter quite so much after all.

spice up your life! by callunavulgari

“I said,” the girl drawls, setting her elbow down in a saucer of ketchup and grimacing. “That this whole soulmate thing is fucking stupid. You’re supposed to find someone based off of the music they’re listening to? How would you even know what was really stuck in your head and what was in theirs? It’s complete shit.”

Derek, who has had everything from Dancing Queen to the Barney theme song stuck in his head all night, winces, and says abruptly, “I think my soulmate is in middle school.”

Secondhand Soulmate by AnnoyinglyCute, Inell

Not always, not even most of the time, but sometimes – 24% of the time, statistically speaking – people meet their soulmates and live happily ever after.

THIS isn’t that story.

This is the story of Stiles Stilinski, whose soulmate died before he was born. This is the story of all the sorrows and heartache Stiles experienced, all the bullying and oppression from those who should know better but didn’t. This is also the story of the friendships Stiles made along the way, of the battles he fought – and won – and the love that endured through it all.

I Was Present While You Were Unconscious by CharWright5

Stiles had often thought about how he’d meet his soul mate, the literal muscular man of his dreams. He just didn’t ever imagine finding him on Facebook where a friend had shared a news article about a werewolf John Doe in a coma after a car wreck four hours out of town. And he also didn’t expect to bond and fall in love with the guy’s family before ever saying two words to him out loud.

Written in the Stars by Quixoticity

Derek Hale is a lucky guy. He’s got a great family, good friends, and a fulfilling job as a tattoo artist.

He’s also one of the twenty-five per cent of the population born with a soul mark.

He likes his life, but he’s waiting for his soul-match. The odds of meeting them aren’t great but hey, Derek’s a lucky guy. He has faith.

He can’t believe how good his luck really is when one day his soul-match wanders right into his studio, all long limbs and copper eyes. There’s just one problem: Stiles is there to get his soul mark covered up. Permanently.

94%, Dude by eeyore9990

The guy was really too young for the leather daddy aesthetic, but with the leather and the more-beard-than stubble and the eyebrows… Yeah, he was kinda working the hot grumpy leather daddy biker gang leader look.

And Stiles liked it.

***

For the prompt: Sterek soul mark fic wherein marks never match, they just line up perfectly to be a shape.

Marks and Mics by DLanaDHZ

Hale siblings Derek and Laura have been hired to run security for Stiles Stilinski’s music tour. Business as usual, except someone is trying really hard to prove they’re incapable and hurt Stiles. Derek finds himself curious about Stiles’ bitter attitude and a strange illness that plagues the singer. And on top of that, Derek’s soulmate remains elusive.

Worth Waiting For by yodasyoyo

Stiles slumps further in his desk chair, and stares disconsolately out of his bedroom window. Perhaps he should be celebrating. After all, this afternoon a soulmark appeared on his wrist revealing the name of his soulmate.

He has a soulmate.

Fuck. He scrubs one hand across his face.

This is a disaster.

Covered in Fur and (Your) Words by OverMyFreckledBody

People that said that the words on your skin - the first ones from your soulmate - didn’t matter or affect your life were big fat liars. Stiles is one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t have started creating costumes if it weren’t for the words What the hell kind of costume is that? on his arm. He’s also sure that if he never got into the hobby, he would never have met the man who said them.

Model Material by dobrien

Prompt: Soulmates AU where any tattoos one half of the soulmate pairing get show up on the other person’s body. Can be taken in any direction the author wants but no suicide etc.Model/Soulmate AU: Stiles finds out who his soulmate is and he’s willing to do what it takes to meet them, even if that means becoming a model for Alpha Fashion Magazine.

The Possibility of Silence and the Reality of Sound by crossroadswrite

Derek grew up knowing that soulmates are something to be cherished, so when he got a voice in his head, childish thoughts and flashes of color and objects, he’d excitedly jumped on his mother’s bed to tell her. She had smiled, ruffled his hair and told him how she was proud of him, even though Derek hadn’t really done anything.

I’m Lost In You by matildajones

He knows he should move but a part of him still feels paralyzed. He has clear feelings of not being able to move his body, of not being able to even blink.

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, and he clambers to his feet, feeling dizzy. He easily finds a mirror in the room and then the most gorgeous eyes stare back at him. They’re a sea-green instead of the normal brown that he’s used to.

He’s looking at his soulmate.

–

Stiles wakes up in his soulmate’s body, on his twenty-second birthday, with blurry memories of the past year. Derek doesn’t wake up at all.

There’s a cup with his name on it by hellodickspeight

The sight before him is breathtaking. Wide opened whiskey eyes searching above his head, pink lips slightly parted, tongue wetting them as he considers his choice, messy brown hair sticking in every direction, moles dotting a pale skin, Derek can’t wait to ask for his name.

A soulmate AU where people have the first name of their soulmates written on their body.

Of Soulmates, Pseudonyms and Misunderstandings by halcyon1993

Ever since he asked his mother one evening why she had his dad’s name tattooed on the inside of her left wrist, Derek has dreamed of finding his soulmate. There’s only one problem—the name that appears on his wrist on his eighteenth birthday is something he can’t even read.

Soul-Mark by PaigeRhiann

His wolf purrs happily because it has taken eighteen years and getting his family killed to finally discover the name of his promised. The person he’s destined to be with. Or, as Werewolves call it – Mate.

“Genim S.” He repeats

“That’s a really fucking weird name” Laura snorts, turning back to the movie.

“Yeah, it is” he nods.

Connected by readridinghood

After the death of his wife, Stiles finds himself left alone with their three children, struggling to keep from being sucked into a void of grief and despair that her death left him with. Knowing his children are safe in the pack’s arms under Derek’s watchful eyes, he struggles to regain his footing. What do you do when the world keeps tumbling over you and what you’ve thought of as fact no longer holds true? As the world comes back into focus, so does the love for Derek he thought he’d long since conquered and now with his eyes open, what he thought was the end of him, is only a new beginning.A decade after he fell in love with Stiles, countless days of keeping himself restrained while building a friendship with him, Derek finds out with absolute certainty that Stiles is his mate. You only mate once in your life, so how is it that Stiles was mated to Sophia, his wife and mother of his three children, the woman he is grieving the loss of at the same moment that Derek makes his discovery.

An Unpredictable Amount of Turtles by skoosiepants

Stiles says, “I have a five year plan. A five year plan to popularity that will tank the minute I meet this guy.”

“I feel like you’re exaggerating,” Scott says, but Scott has a katana-wielding badass waiting for him at the other end of the rainbow, and Stiles has terrariums.

Or—

A soulmate au with turtles and angst.

Soul McMates by distortedreality

The black script magically inked onto Stiles’ skin at birth declares that the first thing he’ll say to his soulmate is “welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you”.

Stiles’ life was clearly destined to be a fucking joke from the start.

Who’s the Loser Now? by Scavenger

Stiles just expects to run and swim, hopefully come at least third place, and then go home. The universe has other plans.

To Leave A Mark by Fanfiction_is_Literature

Stiles Stilinski was born with a strange mark on his skin that resembled a paw print. No one thought much about it since birthmarks weren’t rare, but Stiles started to notice it change as he got older.

Derek Hale was a rare werewolf: the kind with a soulmark on his skin. But as tragedy struck both him and his mate, his interest dwindled in finding him or her. That is, until he started to notice similar changes from his mark in a certain teenaged boy with an alarming amount of moles.

Or: The Soulmate AU where soulmates are rare and get tattoo-looking marks on their skins that describe their mate.

Sparks (Your Touch) by stilesanderek (minxxx)

Stiles has always dreamed of imprinting. Of touching someone for the first time and feeling his world changing right then and there. Of knowing that that person would love you and be with you until the day you die. And yet nothing could have prepared him for with whom he finally imprints.

Or in which when Stiles gets promoted to detective, he gets a new partner, Laura Hale, with whom he instantly becomes best friend and who he thinks is the most perfect person to step into his life, the only problem being that her brother Derek hates his guts.

Countdown by actingup

0000d 00h 00m 37s

He always imagined meeting his soul mate would take forever; that time would slow down and he would see them walking towards him, he would know without a doubt who it was. It might have been someone he’s seen before but never talked to, or it might be a complete stranger that he never would have guessed. He didn’t imagine it in front of about a hundred people, maybe two-hundred, at a Dolphin show.

soulmates tbh by bleep0bleep

“It’s been five months,” Derek says darkly. “Why am I still getting these proposals? You know these are probably all fake marks.”

Five months since the paparazzi had snapped that photo of him with the overzealous fan tugging at his shirt, five months since millions of people on the Internet realized that the birthmark revealed was in fact, the mark, five months Derek was inundated by claims from people who desperately wanted him to believe that they were his soul-mate.

Soulseeker by alisvolatpropiis

Sighing, Stiles reaches for Derek’s big hands, cradled in his broad lap, his skin lighting up even more at Derek’s touch. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, preparing himself to look for Derek’s soulmate. Whoever you are, he thinks, you better be worth him.

#answered #anonymous #sterek #sterek fic rec #sterek fanfic #sterek fanfiction #soulmates au

[iliketowrite1996]

Tying Shoelaces and New Places chapter 9

    TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES- MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR, OPPORTUNISTIC BEHAVIOR, USING PEOPLE FOR MONEY AND STATUS, HEARTACHE, SINGLE PARENTHOOD

T’Challa Udaku does not now that his parents worry about his safety  lot. They hope that he is safe and that Autumn is safe. They check in after Sunday dinner to make sure that they made it home.

He does not know now, that, as he spends time with you, they are up and discussing him.

‘’He has not dated anyone in months. I think that me setting him up with a nice girl would do the trick.’’

‘’Ah, no! T’Challa uas a handsome and smart and kind man. He is capable of finding love on his own. Besides, you only want someone like Nakia for him.’’ Ramonda teasingly scolds her husband.

‘’There’s nothing wrong with me setting him up with someone,’’ T’Chaka defends.

‘’I know, but you know how he is. Just as stubborn as the summer day is long. He gets that from you. Now, we will let our son find love in his own way and in his own timing. Agreed?’’

T'Challa Udaku sighs heavily. There is no point in arguing with his wife tonight, so he nods his head.

Deep down, he wants someone that will respect T’Challa. SOmeone that will love him and love Autumn and respect his culture and traditions and Wakanda.

That’s all he wants for his son.

He doesn't know when, but he feels like T’Challa will find it very soon.

Autumn Elizabeth Udaku is very sharp for her age. For one thing, she's observant. She notices things and points them out to you or t T’Challa, and it takes you by surprise.

    One time, she noticed that the Santa Clause at the mall had changed to a different person without even being in line for it.

    Another time, she was the one that informed you that there was a cat sitting on the window ledge.

    She sees. She watches. She gains knowledge and she understands.

    It’s the Monday before Thanksgiving. You and T’Challa have officially been a couple since last Monday, and it’s been one of the best weeks of your life. T’Challa is fun, flirty, serious and sweet. Out of the two of you, he is definitely the more romantic one. Although hands have stayed on top of clothes and nothing has been shared physically except for a few make out sessions, he emanates passion for you and for intimacy in every movie.

    He loves the fact that you love Autumn, that you love your job, that you love being yourself. Okay, and, yeah he really loves your eyes. They’re beautiful.

    You admire his strong family values, his dedication to Autumn, his work ethic and, okay, those eyes are pretty magnificent, too.

    So it’s mutual adoration between the two of you.

    Another thing that you have in common is that you both know how observant Autumn is for her age.

    So why T’Challa Udaku, her baba, who knows all of this and thought that he could keep your relationship a secret from her is beyond you.

    You’d only stop by to drop off some homework that Autumn had left on her table in your classroom.

    It’s eight, so she’s been asleep for an hour.

    T’Challa has you pressed gently against the front door, lips moving with yours as you indulge your only alone time until this weekend. Utsa sweet and slow kiss, something you never have time for during the week.

    Autumn is asleep, and so you have nothing to worry about.

    Or so you thought.

    ‘’Baba?’’

    T’Challa’s lips go still against yours as both of your eyes widen.

    You both look to see Autumn, curls all over her head as she rubs her sleepy little eyes.

    ‘’Yes, intomba?’’

    ‘’What are you doing? Why is my teacher here?’’   

    Well. This just got awkward.

    And it looks like you and T’Challa have a lot of explaining to do.

        ‘’I’m confused,’’ Autumn yawns, head on her baba’s shoulder as the three of you sit at the kitchen table, having just explained the situation to the four-year-old.

    ‘’I am dating your teacher. He is my girlfriend,’’ he states.

    Even under the circumstances, he can’t help but to smile when you he says it.

    ‘’So does this mean you’re my new mommy?,’’ Autumn asks innocently.

    The air is heavy with guilt on both your and T'Challa's part, feeling like you rushed into an explanation and now the poor baby is even more confused than she was when she saw you making out about ten minutes ago.

    ‘’I would never, ever try to replace your mother, Autumn,’’ you tell her gently, speaking truthfully.

    ‘’Okay,’’ she nods with another yawn, ‘’Because you're nice and pretty but she’s my mommy.’’

    It says so much and so little at the same time- she accepts you but only if you know that she still adores her mother.

    You’ve known that from the beginning and would not dream of altering that reality in anyway,

    ‘’Do you have any other questions, intomba,’’ T’Challa questions his young daughter only to be greeted by her soft snores as she drifts off to sleep.   

    He chuckles lightly pressing a kiss to her ebony, coily hair before excusing himself to tuck her back into bed.

    You can see trees of his love for Autumn all over the apartment. There are pictures of her and her other relatives, her drawings, her crafts. He loves her with so much commitment. It is clear that Autumn Udaku is the best part of his life.

    But that does not mean he doesn't have room for you.

    He proves that as he includes Autumn in your Friday evening bonding sessions. Every other week for the past two weeks, you’ve been spending their weekly movie night. T'Challa has made it clear to Autumn that she still must treat you like her sister at school. So she does.

    Right now, though, she is in your lap, leaning back against you as she watches one of her favorite movies and absentmindedly plays with her ebony curls.

    You’re laughing along with her, and T’Challa is watching two of us favorite women spend time with each other, watching television.   

    This is not love, but he recognizes it as the beginning stages of such a feeling. He told himself not to fall and here he is, falling head over heels for you.

    T’Challa has been burned a couple of times in the past. Who hasn’t?

    It’s no secret that the Udaku family is every well off. T'Challa prefers working and having his own money, but his family does like to help him from time to time.

    Oh, and Ramonda and T’Chaka LOVE to spoil Autumn.

    Women see the shiny cars and the fancy clothes and the money and they don't’ see him. So, as soon as they realize he’s not emptying his pockets for a woman who can’t fill her heart with love for him and Autumn, he finds himself right back at the start…

    And apologizing to his heart for putting himself through this again.

    Then there were the woman that truly saw a future with him after only a month or two together.  They imagined a lavish lifestyle, but also holding hands and kissing and spending time with him…

    Sans Autumn.

    So they had to go, too. T’Challa and Autumn are a package deal/ She’s his daughter, his baby girl, his pride and joy. If a woman does not at her, then they don’t want the real T’Challa Udaku.

    Because, first and foremost, he is Autumn’s baba.

    How can you separate him from her, separate his identity as a dad, a very important aspect of him, and claim to still want all of him?

    You can’t , in his opinion.

    So, yeah. T’Challa’s been through his fair share of women trying to sue him and women not respecting his commitment to his daughter and women that just flat out were not right for him.    Now you are here. He loves you but he’s not in love with you. Yet. He is not in love with you yet, but he knows that it’s coming. Because even though he despises how fast he falls, he loves it. It lets him know if the woman is for him or not,and you might just be.

    You love Autumn.

    You care for him.

    You’ve never once mentioned his clothes his money in a way that made it seem like you were truthfully looking for something else.

    You're you, and he has never felt romantic affection like this outside of his love for Nakia.

    So he tries to slow down but keep the relationship going on a certain path. He spends time with you twice a week- on Wednesday’s you grocery shop for your respective apartments, adn you have date nights on Saturday.

    Maybe he’s coming on too strong and he needs to slow down.   

    He’ll try to do that. If not for the sake of you and this relationship, or even for his own, for Autumn’s.

    She’s attached to you already. Had she not found you two kissing, he would’ve waited at least five months to tell her about his relationship with you. She found out when she did though, and he does not lie to her. it was awkard,but he expects her not to lie, so he figures out how to explain him dating you to a sleepy four-year-old and he tells the truth. Also, Autumn is very emotional and analytical. It’s been three weeks since you told her that you’re dating, and she’s become pretty accustomed to seeing you outside of school only once a week.

    He has to limit this to protect her.

    Okay, yeah. Maybe part of him doesn’t want to get his heartbroken again. He has tried to have casual relationships. He really did. It’s just that one night stands are not his cup of tea, and the women that don’t even respect Autumn or him can hit the road and not look back.

    He’s terrified but this is worth the risk.

    He’ just hoping that you don’t break his heart.

    Most importantly, he hopes you don’t break Autumn’s heart.

    Because that’s what’s more important to him right now.

Next- meeting the family 

@ashanti-notthesinger​ @destinio1​ @afraiddreamingandloving​ @starsshines-blog​ @airis-paris14​ @syreanne​ @chaneajoyyy​ @90sinspiredgirl​ @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx

DISCLAIMER- I DO NOT OWN ANY MARVEL CHARACTERS OR THEIR FICTIONAL WORLDS, UNIVERSES, COUNTRIES OR CITIES.

#black panther imagine #black panther x you #reader insert #t'challa x reader #reader #tchalla x reader #reader insert imagines #black panther reader insert #reader insert imagine #black panther fanfiction #t'challa fanfiction #marvel fanfic #black panther #t'challa x you #t'challa udaku x you #single dad t’challa #teacher reader #au t'challa

[sueboohscorner]

The Vampire Diaries 815 Recap “We’re Planning a June Wedding” #TVD

Episode grade: 10.

We’re down to the final weeks of this wonderful series, and I am going to miss spending time with these characters! Thank goodness for the modern age, with Blu-ray box sets and Netflix-CW deals, allowing us to watch the best shows over and over again for all time. Remember when we had to make our own tapes of shows, with the VCR, and they’d either preserve the commercials, or you’d have to carefully hit pause on the recording and restart it at just the right time? Just me? All right, never mind.

In the final season’s blast from the past parade, we start by welcoming Matt’s crappy mom back to Mystic Falls. Remember Kelly Donovan? Drunk and embarrassing, neither providing a good example for her kids nor watching over them? Yeah, she hasn’t been exactly missed. Including by Matt, who reacts to his long lost mom in about the same way you might react to running into your high school bully at a chain restaurant. She’s apparently here with Peter, because contemplating hell makes one want to reach out to the wives they abandoned and make some amends, I guess.

Our heroes are hatching a plan to deal with the imminent return of Katherine, and it’s Damon who suggests that Katherine would be helpless to resist ruining Stefan’s wedding. I think there’s a little more to this, of course, that Damon is determined to see Stefan get a happy ending, and he knows that in their lives, the longer you wait to start your happy ending, the less likely you are to get there at all. So he chooses a Katherine plan that conveniently also lets him celebrate his little brother’s humanity and happiness. Notably, though, Caroline is not quite as sure about this plan. She says it’s because she wanted a big, beautiful wedding with time to plan (and no super-villain waiting in the wings), but it’s hard not to read a little uncertainty into her reluctance.

Stefan overhears Bonnie and Caroline in a moment of girl talk, and while the text is clearly about why Bonnie won’t be there as maid-of-honor (no offense, bestie, but you’re marrying the man who murdered my true love a couple of weeks ago), the subtext is unmistakably that Caroline isn’t really sure about this pairing. I think there’s a chance she’d back out if she actually believed the wedding was going to occur; she’s kind of rolling with this, because she’s pretty sure the ceremony won’t be completed. From the look on Stefan’s face, I think he’s reading her the same way I am. 

Also instrumental to the Katherine plan? An actual instrument with which to bring about her bitter end. Taking their inspiration from the Cade blade, they note that luck is on their side for once–Katherine’s body was burned here in Mystic Falls, so her bones are still around to turn into weapons. Peter Maxwell finally gets to be useful, because he’s a legacy metalworker, so he’s given the crucial task of forging the weapon. Don’t screw this up, bad dad.

Bad dad’s task leaves Matt alone with his crappy mom, giving us a chance to see her cough up some black goo and kill the hell out of a random chick, because Kelly Donovan is actually back…from hell!

Back at the mansion, Caroline finds a gift that is 100% obviously from Katherine, but she won’t realize that, because plot and stuff. I mean, seriously, it’s a printed card, not written, so there’s no handwriting to recognize, it’s addressed simply “To the Bride,” which is ominous AF, and inside the card, the typed message of “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue,” has the first phrase circled. Get a clue, Caroline. But hey, she’s got stuff on her mind. 

Here comes Damon, a very drunk Stefan in tow…no vampire metabolism anymore means rediscovering the experience of drinking yourself into a stupor and waking up hungover. Um…yay humanity? While Stefan is passed out, Damon and Caroline share a lovely moment. He puts her through a series of no doubt hilarious practice toasts for the reception, but we only see the last of them; he gets real and toasts to his dear friend Liz Forbes, who raised this strong, wonderful woman he is now honored to call his family. This is the truest smile from Caroline yet–even if she’s not 100% sure about Stefan, she can’t deny that being Damon’s sister-in-law is a-okay.

Damon puts Elena’s necklace on Caroline’s wrist, adding the “something borrowed,” and ensuring her friend is part of her day in some way. Damon, I’ll miss you most of all.

Caroline is getting ready for the wedding, and she opens a gift from Bonnie–here’s the something new! It’s a gorgeous tiara, because Bonnie’s a good friend who knows this isn’t the wedding Caroline has dreamed of…but that doesn’t mean she can’t still be a princess.

As another surprise gift to Caroline, Lizzie and Josie come running in, all dressed up for the big day! Alaric explains that Katherine would smell a rat if Caroline’s own daughters weren’t at the wedding, so Valerie did a protection spell to keep them safe that day. 

He, on the other hand, will not be there…Alaric was, after all, engaged to Caroline a few years ago himself. And just last week, before Stefan again showed up to screw him over, Alaric had been reaching out to Caroline about building a future together, centered around their kids…while it wasn’t overtly romantic, you could see the light in his eyes when he looked at her. I should note that I’m not often a fan of a storyline about a wistful love triangle and marrying the wrong person, but this really works for me. Alaric is such the better man! And while it made some sense that she had unfinished business with Stefan because of his having to go on the run, and it made some sense for vampires to be together…those aren’t factors anymore. She could have been free of her obligation to Stefan, but he came back and begged her to marry him anyway, and Caroline’s defining characteristic has always been steadfastness. She is being fairly railroaded into this wedding ceremony, and Alaric’s heartache is reasonable, not to mention beautifully acted.

Guests are arriving, starting with Matt’s lousy parents. Kelly Donovan greets her ex, Peter Maxwell, then instantly pries for details on the weapon he’s been forging to kill Katherine. When he acknowledges he’s already delivered it to Stefan, he is rendered useless to this hellcat, and she slashes his throat.

Bonnie again proves what an amazing person she is, showing up to the wedding to support Caroline. Enzo’s been the angel on her shoulder, begging her to put aside her anger toward a version of Stefan that no longer even exists. Aside: Enzo and Damon are both really good at compartmentalizing Ripper vs. Stefan, and that’s really because they are not like Stefan. Being a Ripper puts Stefan in a completely different category of vampire. Enzo and Damon can flip their switches and be legitimately different people than they were a moment before. Stefan is a Ripper, so his evil is a more ingrained part of his personality, not just a position on his humanity lever. But bless them, they don’t have his weakness, so they give him the benefit of the doubt.

Because Matt Davis is a truly spectacular actor, one of the best scenes in the episode is Alaric’s monologue to Dorian, remembering the long and winding road that brought him into these people’s overly complicated lives. I’m so grateful TVD made time for this quiet moment with one of my all-time favorite characters.

The wedding is getting started, and Caroline looks gorgeous walking down the aisle, of course! But when she takes her place beside Stefan, he recognizes the cameo necklace she’s wearing, and just as the audience knew, it was totally sent to her by Katherine. She freaks out, but Stefan says to leave it on, because Katherine will hate seeing it on her.

Sitting out in the crowd, Matt whispers to his lousy mom about how his dad should be there by now. Hilariously, she makes a well, isn’t that just like your dad? face, which is recognizable to any child of divorce.

Damon, acting as the officiant, loudly invites anyone to voice their objections to this union. When Katherine fails to show, Caroline’s moment of panic is evident–she really didn’t expect to have to go through with this wedding. But it’s too late now! 

Because they expected this to be interrupted by now, and perhaps because neither of them really believed the wedding was a great idea, the bride and groom have failed to prepare vows. Oops. Credit to Stefan for coming up with something charming enough to win Caroline over in the moment. By the time he kisses the bride, it seems like they’re both in the spirit of the event again, despite all the craziness.

There’s a little timeline weirdness here, in that Kelly Donovan runs out before the daytime wedding is over, yet it’s full dark out and well into the reception before Matt is seriously looking for her. Fortunately for Peter, she didn’t strike too deeply with her scary knife; Matt finds him alive and learns the truth about mom.

No one else knows yet, so we’re treated to a drunken toast from Kelly Donovan in the reception tent. She rants about how this crappy town never gave her a chance, and she reminds Damon of that time they made out (ha!). Then she brings up what he did to Vicki, who “never hurt anyone” (this is important). Finally, she gets in Matt’s face about how he cared for her so little that he didn’t even know she was dead. And the penny drops.

Confronted with the question of what Katherine is up to, Kelly honestly says she has no idea; she was too busy starting a gas leak in the house. Caroline knows that Bonnie just took Lizzie and Josie in to use the bathroom, so they’re all in a house about to explode…which it does.

Inside the blazing mansion, Bonnie and the girls are standing in a bubble of safety. The girls are magic siphons, after all, and holding Bonnie’s hands gives them access to her latent magic. Enzo appears to her to say his goodbyes; letting her magic get siphoned will save her life and the girls’, but it will also sever her connection to his pocket dimension. She doesn’t want to give him up, but the alternative is death, and he talks her into living. It’s heartbreaking. Enzo, you were the best vampire.

With the girls and Bonnie safe from the fire, it’s time to get back to squeezing Kelly Donovan for information. She took a deal from Katherine in exchange for a true death, returning to oblivion rather than more torture in hell. She reveals what else she knows of the master plan: Katherine is using the Maxwell hell bell! 

But wait, it can only be rung by someone in the Maxwell family line…and Kelly reveals that Vicki has also come back from hell for this assignment. And here’s where I again question the bizarrely selective quality of hell. Vicki died as a vampire, and she died long before the Other Side was destroyed. It makes sense that Katherine was so bad she was sucked into hell, but Vicki really wasn’t a bad person! Her mom just made a point of that in her drunken toast. I mean, I’ll take it–nice to see you again, Vicki–but I’m not sure it makes total sense. (Granted, I do recall Jeremy’s visits from ghost-Vicki who begged for help because she was in pain, and that fits with hell…but I’d still like an explanation of how she wound up there.)

Ah, TVD, I’m going to miss you. One more week of this gloriously well-written and well-acted series. Thanks to The CW for giving us The Vampire Diaries, and for letting it end with a plan, honoring the show as it deserves.

Who will you miss most of all? Comment with your favorite character!

#The Vampire Diaries #The CW #Michael Malarkey #Matt Davis #Ian Somerhalder #Candice King #Kat Graham #Paul Wesley #Damon Salvatore #Stefan Salvatore #Caroline Forbes #Bonnie Bennett #Enzo #Alaric Saltzman #Matt Donovan #Zach Roerig

[gracewithducks]

Why are you weeping? (John 20:1-2, 11-18) - Sunday School Stories #9, preached 11/3/19

Let me begin by saying: I am not ready for Christmas. I’m not ready for the Christmas songs on the radio, not ready for the Christmas movies on TV, I’m not ready to go shopping, not ready to wrap presents, not ready to put up the tree. But I also want to say: if you are ready, if holiday songs and movies and decorations bring you joy, you do you. We could all use a little more joy in our lives.

 Last year, when it was properly holiday movie season, we had fun introducing and reintroducing our kids to some of our old favorite movies: Frosty and Rudolph, White Christmas and Holiday Inn, Home Alone and The Santa Clause. And we also watched my husband’s favorite not-safe-for-kids Christmas movie, Die Hard – and I finally, finally got him to watch my favorite not-safe-for-kids Christmas movie, Love Actually.

 And I cannot stress this enough: it was marketed as a romantic comedy, but Love Actually absolutely is not a family friendly movie. It’s rated R, and if you don’t like movies that are rated R, where people swear and kiss and do naughty things, then you definitely should not watch this movie.

 But it is a beautifully real movie, a movie that goes beyond the romantic comedy stereotypes to show love that’s actually messy, painful, and imperfect. The movie begins with – almost simultaneously – a couple of meet-cutes, a wedding, and a funeral. It follows the stories of a whole group of people whose lives intersect, showing the excitement of new love, the ache of broken hearts, the power of temptation, and the weight of love turned into grief. It explores love between friends, love between dating couples, unrequited love, forbidden love, love in marriage, love between people who worry the spark is gone, love that requires forgiveness and repentance, love between siblings, parents, children – love that is full of possibilities, and love that makes mistakes, and love that has to say goodbye. It’s one of those rare movies that still, sixteen years after I first watched it, still makes me laugh but also makes me cry, every single time.

 It’s surprisingly raw and complicated for a holiday season romantic comedy, but it’s also very much a product of its time; the movie was released in the fall of 2003, just a couple of years after the world was shaken by the events of 9/11, after we were confronted with the realities of terror and death. And the movie opens in, of all places, an airport, with scenes of people greeting one another – I later learned that these were real scenes, captured by hidden cameras, of real people, hugging, running to each other, kissing, laughing, full of this honest and beautiful joy.

 And over these scenes of reunions, a voice begins to speak:

 “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”[1]

 November begins what is for many of us is a season of travel and reunions, a time for joyful arrivals as well as disappointment and heartache and grief-filled empty chairs. But as I’ve spent this week holding space between the Easter story and the saints we celebrate on this All Saints Sunday, the image that’s been with me is that image of an arrivals gate: some are waiting with hopeful eagerness, with their hearts in their hands, scanning every face, yearning expectantly to see a loved one standing there at last – and there are those who are still making their way through the tangle and confusion of corridors and gates, still travelling, not yet arrived – and then there is this gloriously beautiful and undignified moment when they first see each other, and run to each other, and with laughter and tears, embrace.

 That, to me, is as good an image as any of what it is we look forward to, when we try to imagine eternity. We look forward to joyful reunions, to an end of our waiting, to that moment when the stress and anxiety and grief fades away; we look forward to being embraced by and surrounded by love.

 Because we’ve been reading through the bible with our children this fall, our scripture for today is the Easter story, a story we don’t associate with this time of year. We usually read the Easter story in the spring, and it’s easy to talk about new life in that season when the days are getting longer, the ice is melting, the breezes are getting warmer, and the sun shines down on new buds, new growth, and new birth.

 It’s easy to talk about Easter in the springtime. But the good news is for every season: even when the days are growing shorter and the darkness is growing, when the chill seeps into our hearts and into our bones, and the rain washes our plans away – this is when we really need to be reassured, and to believe that the story isn’t over yet.

 We heard today the story of Mary on that first Easter Sunday. Mary didn’t know that it was Easter Sunday; she didn’t show up at the garden tomb expecting to find it empty; she wasn’t at the arrivals gate, looking for Jesus’ face, ready to greet him with open arms after his business trip was done. No, Mary was distraught and grieving; if it was a beautiful spring morning, she didn’t see it; she was just looking for Jesus’ body, so she could properly say good-bye. She isn’t expecting a joyful reunion; in fact, she doesn’t even recognize Jesus when he’s standing right in front of her.

 This is where the resurrection meets us: in those moments when we aren’t looking for it, in those moments when we don’t even begin to imagine that joy is possible, when all our hope is gone – that’s when new life shows up, and the impossible happens.

 There is this remarkable moment when Mary recognizes Jesus. And everything changes: the grief washes away, she sheds her heartache like dead weight, and from that first joyful reunion, the story is forever changed.

 Why does the story of the resurrection have power? Why did the good news of Jesus spread throughout the world, and why does it continue to be shared still today? Why are we so foolish to hold onto hope, when it seems like all hope is gone? It’s because of the resurrection. It’s because Jesus didn’t just tell us but showed us that grace is stronger than violence, stronger than oppression, and love is stronger even than death. The resurrection shapes how we live – we do not live as people driven by fear – but the resurrection also changes our ideas of what happens when we die. We do not live by fear, and we don’t die by fear, either. When we depart, we believe that, in that moment, we also arrive: and the word we use depends on the perspective we take.

 One of my colleagues recently was talking about the resurrection, and he said, “I don’t know what it will be like, exactly, but I like to imagine it’s like a big family meal – like a holiday, when the work is done, and everyone we love is at the table together at last.”[2] It’s like Thanksgiving, in those impossibly rare moments when everyone is there, when the travelling is done, the preparations are over, the frustration and waiting are finished, and all that’s left is to feast – to share laughter and love and gratitude with the people we love the best.

 In my first year of ministry, I served at a retreat weekend, and one evening, everyone was encouraged to go sit, to be silent and still, and to recognize God’s presence, and let the Spirit do in our hearts whatever it is we needed the Spirit to do. And friends, we aren’t very good at that – we don’t know how to be silent and still. But I encourage you to try it sometime: be still, and know that God is with you; be still, and let the stress and the to-do lists and the worries and the fears fade away, until all that’s left is you, and God, and love.

 I remember sitting still that day, when an image came to me – I’ve often called it the only vision I’ve ever had, because it was that vivid and that powerful an image. In my heart, in my soul, I envisioned myself sitting at a table, a great big long table, stretching off into eternity. And my new husband was there. And my mom was there. And my dad was there, too – my dad, who’d missed our wedding, because he died when I was in high school – my dad was there. And my kids were at the table; I couldn’t see their faces, I didn’t know their names, but I knew: my kids, kids who hadn’t yet been born, who weren’t even a twinkle in our eyes – my kids were sitting there, together with the grandfather they would never know. And it was such a lovely, joyful, peaceful moment: when I realized the people I love the most are sitting at the same table, something that could never happen this side of eternity… and that image, that vision, gave me hope: that love really does transcend time, that love is stronger than death, and somehow, love holds us together.

 That’s what we celebrate today. That’s the promise of the resurrection. That’s the promise of All Saints Day: it’s the promise that, when we gather at the table, we don’t come alone, and the ones we’ve loved aren’t really gone at all. They are with us still, and one day, like the arrivals gate, we will run to each other and embrace, we will sit together and feast; one day, the tears will be gone, the wait will be over, the work will be done – until only joy, only gratitude, only love remains.

   O God, you know the people we long to wrap our arms around today. You know the seats that are empty at our tables; you know the grief we carry with us every day. But we give you thanks for meeting us, even in our grief; we thank you for surprising us with impossible joy; and we thank you for the promise that death is not where the story ends. Give us strength to keep going, to keep loving, to keep working, until that day arrives at last when only love is left. In the name of Christ, who conquered death, we pray; amen.

[1] http://www.monologuedb.com/dramatic-male-monologues/love-actually-david/

[2] Thank you, Rev. Rodney Gasaway, for this image!

[benefits1986]

Still, Your Heartaches Bend

Research shows that the Christmas season is the same season where hearts break and relationships come to an end. For some weird reasons, I have been in contact with 7 people who have ended their relationships which are considered to be long-term. Of course, I exert much effort to hear out their heartbreak stories that usually end up in monologues wherein they are often too caught up with the pain --whether it be real or the phantom kind of pain. 

Ang daming reasons why. Both walang kwenta at magagandang kwentong ang sarap gawing katha. But, the thing is, there are more heartbreaking stories that make my resting bitch face move. The past months, I made a pact to go beyond the screens I have been trying to marry into my routine thinking I’m all green and go on this battlefield. Mali pala all the while. I ache for real things that allow me to see beyond what is always quantified. That said, here are the things that to me, put any “oh-gosh-my-relationship-with-so-and-so-came-to-an-end” stories to shame, shame, shame:  ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 01 At the ever-kainis Multi stoplight at the area of C-5 extension, I handed over a carrot muffin to a random beggar. I was extremely hungry but decided to give it away because I found it too sweet plus the fact that sabi nga, when it hurts (as in ang sakit ng tiyan ko because I had to rush to QC before rush hour that time), that’s the time when giving is real kahit ang babaw lang. The beggar got it and she took out a bottle of water and immediately ate the muffin. Medyo nagalangan pa ako that time kasi I had two bites na sa muffin. Inisip ko pa sana hindi siya laway-conscious kasi nakakahiya. Though I can barely see her facial expression because she shielded her face with a shirt due to the bipolar weather, I froze on the spot. ‘Yung simpleng dahilan na super sweet lang ng carrot muffin na halagang Php 13.00 sa hypermarket, ang layo ng tinawid. Random things can lead you to see things that you often overlook or choose not to look at. 

ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 02 In a world where using a landline causes neck strain and that “ang-init-na-ng-pakiramdam-ng-ears-ko” feeling, had to talk to an elderly lady to update her regarding something involving an emergency. After giving her a rundown of the things she wants to know and the things she needs to know, she shared how sad it is to be regarded as a pabigat and a villain in a complicated story. She kept on saying that she feels like contrary to people who’d want to live and see their old age, here she is, being attacked because she’s not as strong, not as lucrative and not as sharp as before. Beshiekeyk, napatigil ako pero hindi ako sumuko, so I joked her, “’Nay, akin na lang lupa mo para tapos ang usapan. Walang gulo. Everybody happy?” She laughed out loud and told me na loko raw talaga ako. And I replied naman that at least I made her laugh the laugh that made me swallow a little harder than usual. She told me she missed having me around. 

ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 03 It was 9:30 AM in an island in Siargao and while my tummy grumbled while waiting for brunch that took forever to arrive, Red Horse Litro muna and rum Coke on the side. I was talking to a local there and he shared that Manila made him leave the best place on earth thinking that there’s something better than this paradise. He talked about his expectation and how those expectations burn to ground as soon as his plane landed in Manila. To many, this may seem so petty, but when you look at him really well, beshiekeyk, seryoso talaga siya. He thought he’d finally have the big leap in the city, instead, he found himself questioning how city dwellers are able to live in such kind of situations and conditions. Nausog naman ‘yung ego at puso ko sa remark niya na ‘yun. I asked him what his goal is now that he’s back and he smiled, stretched out his arms and legs, chugged another glass of Red Horse and said that he wants to see the best reviews of his work in TripAdvisor. I told him that he won’t be able to get decent sleep if that’s his goal. He laughed and said, oo nga raw. He checks it every single day before he sleeps kaya ‘dina siya makatulog. 

ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 04 “I want to go home because I can’t afford to see my kids living this kind of life,” he said. I asked, “Are you sure you won’t walk out again?”. He replied,”Kung pride, marami ako niyan, pero sasairin ko na. Hindi ko kaya pala talaga.” And they lived happily ever after...not. He had to start from nothing because he basically had nothing. I reminded him that while family stories can go really dark, crazy and hazy, it will come through. The dad gave him a really, really tough time. Daig pa HIIT bootcamp in all levels, literally and figuratively. At first, he almost walked out again, but he’s no longer the kid. He realized that there’s something way bigger than his ego pala much to his surprise and the rest of the world.  It was and still is a struggle, but I guess, the best ever part is that just a few months ago, his dad commended him. Proud father daw siya sa anak niya. Nadapa. Natuto. At bumabangon. Lumalaban. For a dad who is too stern to the point that his definition of “gabi na” is the moment the sun is literally out, this is a legit achievement unlocked. 

ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 05 “'Nak, masama ba ako?”, the dad asked out of the blue. “Dad, Netflix and chill day tayo. Ano ‘yan?”, the daughter replied. She can clearly see that his father misses his wife who passed away six years ago. The daughter who loves sarcasm to bits tried to save the ball as she teased him, “Pakasal ka lang ulit. Wala na e. Finish na.” The dad said,”Hindi naman kasi ganun ‘yun.” The kid who is to grow up replied,”Touch move na kasi, dad. We have to move forward otherwise, ano na lang tayo?” The daughter made a beeline to the restroom and breathed heavily. The dad stared into the TV. The end of antoher Big Bang rerun came. 

ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 06 “Wala naman kasi akong pupuntahan after nito. Ang tagal ko na ring nag-invest dito hindi lang ng oras pati ‘yung pagkatao ko,” sabi niya. Hearing this from someone who has made an obvious stride career-wise, beshiekeyks, parang napapatid ‘yung hearstrings ko. I cannot imagine how one job title can actually strip someone off their confidence and worse, their self-concept. Naging alipin na lang sila hindi ng pangarap nila, pero ng kung ano mang na-absorb nilang toxicity sa workspace nila. Having the wrong career choice is much like having a toxic romantic relationship. You can always choose to stay in it, but you find yourself drowning and feeling so dead inside it. You can always say that you have someone, that you belong to something you’ve worked so hard for, but you also know that you’ve been punishing yourself too much. You’re often caught in between thinling if you’re too entitled or that you’re simply being human. 

These kinds of heartaches are the most toxic, I think because truth be told, you waste your time most in going after whatever that you define as a success in your career. Kakaloka these kinds of stories and sharings talaga. Everytime I go to Makati van terminal or BGC bus stop area, I can’t help but see a sea of walking dead people instead of the lifeblood of the economy. Chararat lang talaga e. 

ARAY NA ‘KO STORY 07 “Bakit single ka pa rin?” I asked over a dinner featuring Vietnamese food in Maginhawa. My friend replied, “Magulang ko nga ‘di ako tanggap e, aasa pa ba ako sa iba?”. I was taken aback so I followed up with, “Ha? Alam na nila? Paano? Kelan? Saan?”. Naloka ako, beshiekeyks because the parents are super legit devout of a church-I-would-not-choose-to-name. “Ang hirap-hirap. Hindi ko naman kasi ito ginusto tapos sabi sa akin, bakit hindi ko raw kasi pinigalan. Bakit daw ‘yung iba, kaya namang itama ‘yung pagkatao nila,” he shared as fat tears fell down his puffy cheeks. I joked, “Nakakaiyak ba ‘yung pagka-miss natin sa Hanoi pati sa food trip doon? ‘Di ba legit ‘yung resto na ito, kaya ka ganyan?”. He smiled and said, “Kaya ikaw gusto ko sinasabihan ng ganito, gago ka lang lagi.” I told him that naiiyak kasi ako so I had to skidaddle my way out. He retorted na obvious naman and that he can see my tears which are welling up na in my eye. 

I was fighting back the tears because I felt so bad for him PLUS it also hit me that I am extremely lucky to have friends and family who don’t force me to be straight as hell. While I get the ocassional lines saying that I should be this and not that, they’re pretty much very accepting of who I am which is way, way more than my gender preference. Grabe lang talaga makakita ng mga tao na rejected mismo ng pamilya nila lalo na ‘pag kitang-kita mong mahal na mahal nila ‘yung pamilya nila. 

After a long pause, he told me, “Kaya ako single ng ganito katagal, dahil sa kanila. Ayoko silang ma-disappoint na naman sa akin. I tried naman talgang pigilan. Desenteng tao ako, alam mo ‘yan. I don’t fuck around. Pero ‘yung mga ganitong bagay, ‘di talaga napipigilan e.” 

Shucks. My hypothalamus is off to the heartbreak ER. I need Greys Anatomy level of care because I died inside at that very moment.  

To be continued...

[datingadviceonreddit]

I've found myself almost fully engaged in a “friends with benefits” type deal, but heartache and confusion are changing the way it’s heading. I’m really in need of some serious advice. Little bit of backstory, I'm 19, 5'4" and before I met this person I never had a girlfriend, never had any sort of physical romantic/sexual experience with anyone, never even had my first kiss (and never came even close.) I treaded my whole life thinking there was something wrong with me, and since rejection always burned me harder than anything else. The smallest advances I made toward girls I found attractive and so on always ended with me getting my heart broken. Loneliness is something all too familiar and painful to me, I was raised by a single mother and I'm an only child. My childhood wasn't really that great. I spent a lot of time alone, I witnessed huge family fights and I used to get bullied when I was much younger (problems I’m sure everyone to some degree has endured). I feel like a generally very broken and unloved person, and I understand that love for yourself should come before loving someone else, but I've been trying for so long and sometimes I just wish I had someone to spend time with. I have lots of friends, all generally close to me but not enough for me to trust them with some of my deepest sorrows. Day after day went by where I felt lonely, yet surrounded by people I do care about. It was too much for me to live with forever. Eventually I started using apps like Tinder, Hot or Not and Skout to just look through and see if I could find anyone I could have been compatible with, but for the most part never had any hope. I tried looking for a FWB type deal, I tried to find someone who wanted to date but every single time I got very bored with the other person and stopped talking to them very quickly. I just can't approach people in person either, I'm horrible at it. I feel like I’m very awkward and I have no chance with every person I see out in public.After all that time spent alone just searching, I met this girl August of last year. She's 24, 5'7" had three sexual partners and among those three, two were her boyfriends. (Which she met through Skout) She recently (at the time) re-opened her Skout account when we first started talking because her boyfriend of nearly three years cheated on her for a very long time with her only having suspicions about it until it came true. She was seriously in love with this guy, and he contemplated marriage with her because they just clicked so well. They had a future, and a plan but he messed it all up by sleeping and ultimately dating a girl he constantly told her not to be concerned about. (And now, these two are ENGAGED.) The point of her getting Skout was to find at the very least a friend to talk to and hopefully find a friends with benefits because she felt like relationships were now pointless. I understood it completely, and started talking to her and helping her out with getting over him whenever we spoke. We added each other on Snapchat and started to talk every day (and it’s been that way since). She eventually broke the news to me that she really thought I was cute, to the point where she thought I was fake on the app. I couldn't believe it, because in my opinion she was just way out of my league and so much more attractive to even glance at someone like me. I agreed, because at the time it seemed like a fun idea. We talked on the phone for hours and hours. We built a lot of trust over time. She knows more about me than all of my friends and I know more about her than all of her friends. She even went as far as telling me her ex didn't even know as much as I do. The sexual things we have been doing have been nothing but fun, and I’ve enjoyed all of it and she has too. Even went as far as making me comparable to her previous boyfriends in a good way. Now, on some level I began to feel like this was becoming more of some kind of a relationship in my head. We’ve kissed and held hands privately and a few times in public. She even introduced me to her sisters and her parents. Her parents really like me, and I’ve spent the night at her house numerous times already and I’ve become somewhat close to her parents. We don't get bored of talking, not even close. We share absolutely everything with each other, and she's cried on the phone with me about her problems, and I've cried about mine with her too. She was even there for me when my friend's dad died. So, after all this I started to get a bit confused. At the very beginning when we were just friends, she was a little sad because she said I was "friend-zoning" her, and in a sense I knew I was subconsciously. When I initially found out she was recovering from a big breakup, I knew I had to back off. I told her I just didn't want to scare her off if I said I liked her because she was still recovering from her boyfriend. She eventually said it was okay, and from then we started talking about more sexual things leading to how we became FWB. Afterward, in December she dropped the L word. She said she loved me numerous times in snapchat, on the phone, with her friends and so on. It scared me a little, because I just didn't know what she meant by that. I said it back of course, because that's honestly how I felt at that moment.So as time went on she said that I have become her best friend, and I went on to say the same about her. She said I'm not un-dateable, and really cute and if her situation was different she wouldn't consider something else. Even in the FWB situation, she says she's not the type to "sleep around" and doesn't plan on having sex or even really talking with anyone else while doing the FWB thing. She said I do have to tell her if I choose to sleep with someone else during that situation. Now, I'm just not sure if things are the same. During the 7 months I’ve been talking to her, I’ve done many things with her outside of what I believe “friends with benefits” really do. I single handedly helped her sign up for college all the way. She was there for me every time something shitty happened at school or with my mom and was there for me every step of the way during school and learning to drive. This was starting to feel like more than a “just friends” situation. I eventually spoke up about how I felt I said that ultimately, I wanted her to know that me catching feelings is something I felt like would be inevitable. She literally said in response: "I think we're meant to be really good friends, like not to date. I think the friends thing is good enough for me. Besides we're both picking up the pieces, except I feel more shattered." She said that this was her turn to be selfish, she was too attached to her phone for three years (with her ex) and that this time she wanted to just stay out of a relationship because she thinks relationships are pointless now. She said she doesn't know when she'll feel better and she'll feel pressure knowing someone is "waiting" for her. Before me, she was talking to another guy who came off “too strong” and after a couple months talking to him she completely cut him off because of that. I know she’s still upset about her ex too. The level of damage he did to her is still there. This was the first time I brought up the idea of dating.The other day, she messaged me on Snapchat saying "I'm feeling nervous. I think I'm starting to get too attached." I told her it was okay, and if she needed me to back off, I would. She said that I shouldn't. She said that she felt like she was leading me on and felt like a “jackass.” This only messed with my emotions even more if anything. Things are changing now, and we are hanging out a lot more than before. Recently, (since I am still young) my mom actually grounded me over a small fight we had over one of our cars. She took my phone and all my other technology. That day, my friend got really worried had an anxiety attack and struggled looking for me. Eventually when I got my stuff back I called her up and she let me know she didn’t want me to ever leave. She later, said this to me: “The only reason why I don’t do anything in public like you’re your hand or kiss or whatever is because I don’t want to—because it becomes real. Like you’re not my friend anymore, you’re like a thing thing and that scares me. ‘Cause I’m not even close to being there. And I wanna be your friend…like forever. You can’t ever leave me.” I’m becoming attached to her, I just know it. I would even go as far as saying that at this point I do in fact have strong feelings for her. She has all the features and personality that I would really like to see in a girlfriend. Recently, a couple of her friends asked about how she and I were doing. She stated that both of us were not looking to date and that she just planned on being FWB and that's all. One of her friends suggested that she should date me because I am going to be crushed if she goes on to find another guy, and the other said basically that it was unrealistic to expect me to be a good friend of hers when she dates another guy and because she was my first "everything." This bothered her a lot and so she told me about it. I acted like it didn't bother me and just said that I was okay. Most recently, I hung out with her family and her for three days straight and even went on a small road trip with her and her parents. We still did sexual things during my time over there but also did family oriented things as well like watching movies and eating together. Something seemed off on the last day. After the two of us got done watching a movie, she said she was still being bugged by what her friends said and started crying. She said she was freaking out because I'm super affectionate (which I really didn't realize until she said it) with the way I rub her and touch her, and she said it sucks because she's gone cold to all of that. She said she just can't trust anyone, and it’s not just a "me thing" but that she is still not ready to even think about dating someone. I already knew this. She still cries and deeply misses her ex, even after he did her wrong. She did however, state clearly that she would never take him back. I knew she wasn't ready, and I knew that I was starting to get major feelings for her. I finally let her know, and I couldn't help myself but cry with her when we talked about the whole thing. I just wanted to know for sure I was never the reason she didn't want to date. She said all this time, hanging out with me she never once looked at me like a boyfriend, and I'll admit it hurt to know that. I told her that all this time I've been secretly wondering and hurting myself trying to avoid telling her how much I liked her because I didn't want to ruin anything. She told me once again that she didn't want to ever lose me as a friend and she doesn't know when she'll be ready to date again or if it will ever happen. She said that everyone waiting on her will be waiting a very long time. She decided we should take a break from talking for a day for me to figure out things. This didn’t last long and she ended up messaging me shortly after, the next day asking if I was okay. At this point I was feeling like I needed answers. She said that she never should have kissed me, or held hands because she had no idea how I was interpreting it. She said straight up to me “I love you as a friend (blank), but that’s all you’ll ever be.” I was a little upset by this, and so I asked her more that if that’s the truth then it must not JUST be the fact that she claims she’s “not ready for a relationship.” I told her to stop sugar coating it and to tell me what else was bothering her about me. She got a little mad, and asked me to stop getting her to unintentionally hurting me. I said I needed to know the truth. She said back “The age difference, the fact that you don’t present yourself in an assertive manner and your level of confidence you have for yourself…I just don’t see it. I really just wanted a friend. I basically dealt with a death and I’m not over him. He still has my heart. You helped me through so much, but it’s like for you to sit there and secretly wonder and hoping I was going to date you eventually is not okay. As for the benefits part of our friendship, we can’t do that anymore. I still want you around me and my family, but this image you have of us needs to die or it will drive you crazy because WE will never be.” This killed me, and I acted like it didn’t. I realize now that my confidence is an issue, but I only told her about it because I deeply trusted her. I didn’t mind feeling self-conscious in front of her because I thought she was accepting of that. I said I was happy to have my answer (which was partially true). We hung out again the next day, and even though she said we’d stop doing the “benefits” I continued with her, and she has as well completely. I talked to her about it and said that I was glad to know the truth, and that she was rejecting me and she went on to say “But, I never rejected you!” I asked how that could be and she said “Because a rejection is a flat-out no.” What the hell does she mean? It sounds like a rejection to me. I began to open my old dating apps again and she re-opened her Skout and says she’s just looking for “friends” again because her boyfriend made her cut off all her old guy friends that she used to have. She said she’s still not looking to date anyone, and yet she’s on the app again. She said she’s not looking for a “new FWB” either. This is all just very confusing. I’ve continued so far to stay by her side, but I need advice. I still have feelings, but I’m controlling them for now. I want to at least have more of the “benefits” part before I call a quits on this whole thing. I’m thinking in June, when she goes off to school and has a job to balance as well for 5 out of 7 days of the week, I’ll go no-contact with her. She claims she wants me to be here forever and that I’m her best friend, but can’t date me and then says she’s not rejecting me either. If I go no contact, I’m going to calmly let her know that this is to give her space and let her plan before I get hurt again. I’m hoping deep down that it’s not going to be goodbye forever, but if she can’t see me as anything more I cannot do any of this forever. I won’t. I seriously need advice, if I’m making a bad decision I need to know. I just can’t hurt myself forever. I wouldn’t mind waiting for her on some level, but in the meantime I will be looking around for other girls now at the same time. tl;dr A girl who I was originally planning to be friends with benefits is clearly becoming more than that, and I'm the only one who is getting hurt by it. We've been "talking" for about 7 months. I really like her, and I finally told her but she kept saying she just can't date right now. When I finally asked her to stop sugar coating her answer, she basically rejected me but claims she didn’t. She says she's not ready over and over and then tells me she never wants me to leave her side as a "best friend." I need help, desperately. via /r/dating_advice

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