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itsoutrageouss · 3 months

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Like a bellflower - chapter one

chapter one of like a bellflower, a Joel Miller x Fem!Oc fanfiction.

warnings: violence, death, blood, the word 'rape', general apocalyptic angst things yk

words: 2,6k

Story taglist

1. A stoic rescue

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“If we don’t find some more fucking ammo soon I swear i’m going to kill someone,” Kade grumbled as we all walked along a broad gravelly road. He bit into the last of his dried meat with anger, ripping the flesh apart aggressively with his teeth. His arm nearly hit me as it swung back. I always stayed behind the four of them. Kade, Ryan, Sarah and Cole. When they found me, and agreed to pick me up along with them I thought I could find solidarity in Sarah. A girl. Or a woman I should say, because she is a lot more woman than me.

Her shoulders were as broad as the mens, her figure sturdy and hardened like her face. No solidarity was to be found in those eyes. She met me like the men did; looking down at me with clenched jaws, demanding I fix us all food and making mean jokes when I try to brush and fix my hair.

“That ain’t going to fix nothing sweetheart- how about a trip to the salon instead? It’ll be on me,” Kade would say with a nasty grin and they would all belt out laughter while they tended to their guns like I tend to my hair, with the same kind of care. The kind you should never use on weapons.

“But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue,” I always quote, biting my tongue until metal melts in my mouth.

“You have to calm down, we’re almost at the next town. If there isn’t any ammo, we’ll butcher someone that has some.” Cole replies, walking with fast, tough steps. They were always so hard, so violent. I watched intensely as my feet kicked the gravel. My gun didn’t have a lot of ammo left either but I would rather not have to hurt someone to get more. I’d run if I had to, but I really didn’t.

The rest of the walk was silent, until old suburban houses started appearing. No one spoke to me. Wordlessly everyone divided to ransack the houses. Cole and Kade went together, so did Ryan and Sarah. Sarah, a dainty, feminine name for a woman with cold, rejecting eyes. No solace. I walked on my own, shoulders slumping.

The house was a pale blue, the door was off the hinges completely, and I stepped over the rotten wood. Dust swirled in the beams of light that were pushing through barred windows. Someone had stayed here for a while, it looked like. Empty cans of food were piled on the dirty kitchen tiles. When I glanced back at the broken down door, I noticed the beating it had taken. The blood stains that the wood had absorbed. Scratch marks. I didn’t want to think of what had happened here, and instead I filtered through the flashes of sunlight, the warmth pulsing on my cheek. The air smelled like rotten wood too, as well as flowers. They bloomed in the corners of the walls, through broken tapestry they unfolded like nothing had ever bothered them. Like the whole world wasn’t dying. Untouched by the destruction, pretty and blooming. I wished to be like the flower.

There was no ammo, but in the back cabinets I found old cans of beans that must’ve been forgotten in whatever hurry had happened here. Between the wooden beams that barred the window I saw the others gathering in the middle of the road. Soldiers, they looked like. Machines. They made my skin crawl and every soft thing inside me hardened. I solidified, when everything I fought for everyday was to be soft. Free, fresh and blooming like a flower. A war between me and the world to preserve the delicate human I was, but I felt like throwing it all up when Kade looked at me. He made me feel like he wanted to rape me. His eyes were wide like a drug addict, and his stare a direct look into the most damaged soul I had ever met in my life. I had no clue what his story was and I was terrified to find out. He wanted to hurt the world like it had hurt him and I didn’t want to be here to see it but I had nowhere else to go.

They talked aggressively to each other, heads bent close together even though there probably wasn't anyone around for miles. I still never got used to seeing people standing in the middle of the roads. The cars were supposed to be there. And now all the cars were flipped upside down and stripped for parts. Sarah crushed a spiring dandelion under her foot. Her black, greasy hair flipped around her head when she talked. The day was beautiful but the people were not.

We decided to camp there, in the house I found. I found a broken family photo in a bedroom upstairs. I was frozen, sitting on a four poster bed with a family full of strangers in my hand. This room was a memory in time. A photo in itself. If not for the barricaded window, where the sunlight slowly turned red, you wouldn’t be able to tell that life had died everywhere around it. So I stayed there all night. I went downstairs silently, like a child who’d awoken from a nightmare. But there were no parents downstairs, and I crept silently around them to grab a can of beans. Kades big hand squeezed my fragile wrist harshly and the can dropped from my hand. “You’re not taking all of that,” he spoke harshly before opening the can and pouring almost all of the content into an empty one. The rest he gave to me. “Sit down,” he stroked my wrist where he’d hurt me and I coiled away, sitting down reluctantly. I never joined their talk. Ryan was the nicest of them all, though the difference in their behaviors were minimal. They had been just them for so long that Sarah was Ryan and Ryan was Cole and all of them were Kade. Not one authentic trait that wasn’t given to them by the apocalypse. None of their own selves left from before. I pitied it, sort of. When they dozed off in their sleeping bags I snuck back up and crawled under the cold comforter in the bedroom with the photo on the pillow next to me. I tried to imagine living here. With my family, when they were still here. Sleeping next to my parents in their bed even though i probably was a bit too old for it. We wouldn’t tell anyone. Tomorrow we’d make breakfast together, maybe?

Those thoughts put me to sleep.

Bang. I woke with such a violent start that my hand flung the photo to the carpeted floor. It was already broken, but now the glass had fallen out of the frame in pieces completely. I had ruined the last memory of this family. Another bang. It was gunshots and the crashes that followed rumbled the old flooring beneath me. Impulsively I ripped the photo from the frame and stuck it in my pocket. I didn’t know how to move. We had never been in this situation. I had never been apart from the group when we were attacked. They were always there and always merciless. I had to fend for myself still, because they prioritized each other over me anytime. Sometimes it was as if they would purposefully let me fight on my own despite them being fully capable of helping me. I swung my backpack on, in case I had to run again. My hands trembled and the gun nearly slipped from my grasp. I creaked open the bedroom door, right at the top of the stairs. “Fucking get him!” I heard Ryan yell. More crashes, grunts. The stairs creaked as I took a step but another noise covered it. Blood sprayed on the wall next to the broken front door. Greasy black hair, fell with a thud to the ground. Blood started to pool around Sarah’s head, which was all of her I could see from this angle. I breathed in. It smelled like being on summer camp. Sunlight, fresh air but a metallic, wooden scent interfered with the peaceful memory. Kane roared and I heard him surge towards whoever the perpetrator was. I closed my eyes harshly until it hurt, then I opened them and ran down the stairs as the spots faded away from my sight. My gun was stretched in front of me. Everything after that happened so fast I barely caught it. An elbow to Ryan's face who stumbled backwards. To clean shots through Cole's stomach. Bang, bang, thud. Bile rose in my throat. My gun was still in front of me. I didn’t move. I didn’t know what I felt.

A loud grunt, a missed shot but a punch to the gut from Kade to the stranger. He was hardened too, but not in the cold, menacing way of the others. He looked human, I thought, right before he twisted Kades arm around in a nasty crack, pushing his back into the man's chest before firing a bullet right through his temples. Kade looked at me then, and for the first and only time I saw something else in his eyes. He looked scared. Like a little boy who’d been told off. Who’d been left alone and scolded and shown no love, who now pleaded for it for the last time ever. And then my eyes turned sympathetic. I did everything I could to give him that last piece of whatever feeling closest to affection I had for him and a peace fell over his eyes right as the bullet tore through him. My mouth was sour, and I leaned down, throwing up right next to Sarah’s body.

The stranger let Kade fall to his knees, discarded him and stalked towards me with a reaction time that seemed inhuman. I expected the harsh, calloused hands of a man piercing my skin. Like Kade’s used to. I dropped the gun. It landed in my own puke. The man stopped between me and the mess. We both looked down. Then we looked up. My eyes were filled with hot, stingy tears from throwing up. Maybe fear. He breathed harshly, quickly and his nostrils flared. His eyes were dark as he looked demandingly underneath his furrowed brows. He had a handsome face, salt and pepper scruff, a hooked nose and sloped lips. But he also was hardened from this world.

His shoulders fell, quickly aware that I probably wasn’t the biggest threat around. That irritated me, and I squared up, fisting my hands. “Get away or I'll punch you.” I said. There was volume in my voice that I didn't expect. He didn’t move, but looked down on my petty gun again. Then he turned around, and started searching the bodies of my old crew. He took their guns, searched them. I stood still. I was shaking like a leaf and tears rolled down my cheeks now silently. I wasn’t sad for these people. I was sad for the last time this happened. When it was the people I cared for that lay still while I stood up. I cried for them, tightly fisting the photo of the family I found in my pocket. The man stopped, and looked at me. “I’ll leave some stuff for you,” he said. His voice was gruff. And it hit me like bricks, so hard I nearly folded into two again. I was going to be left alone. The man was looking done, about to leave again. Then there would be silence, like when snow falls. Nothing.

“Take me with you,” I said, too desperate for my liking but suddenly he felt like the last thing I had in the world even though I didn't even know his name.

“No,” he said, and walked out the backdoor without looking back. I wiped my gun off in Sarah’s shirt, with a little regret but not so much that i felt guilty and followed the man out. He had a horse that was tied to a tree.

“You have to.” i stated, my breathing quick and shallow. I would not let him leave.

“I don’t, actually.”

Did he not feel any remorse? What if that was my family he just killed, and then left me for myself. Not even so merciful as to put me in the grave with them? But they weren’t my family and I would not go with them into death, but this man didn’t know.

“You just killed everything around me.” It wasn’t the first time that had happened and I felt like I was grasping at water, trying to hold it in my hand. I heaved in a gasp of shock and sorrow and it was what finally made him look at me. His brows furrowed even more, if possible. His face softened, and I swore I saw guilt flash across his still-new features. He was listening.

“I’m silent. You won’t even know i’m here. And as soon, I promise, as soon as we come across somewhere else I can stay, I'll leave. But you owe me a ride.” I wasn’t used to selling myself, to making me sound like someone you’d want along on your travels and even though my face heated with embarrassment and the words I spoke, it was all the hope I had not to curl up in that four poster bed until I withered into nothing.

He said nothing for a while, looking somewhere behind me in thought. I mustered my most desperate eyes. I tried baring my soul through them for him to see that I needed this. He already seemed ways better than any of the four people that had taken me upon since the tragic incident.

“As soon as we find something.. livable, you’re gone.” he grumbled. The relief made my knees weak, air seeped out of me uncontrollably and I had to hold onto the tree so as to not fall in on myself.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I whispered, tasting tears on my lips that I wiped profusely. I was not to be a burden to this man before I had even gotten onto his horse.

“Just follow me and stay quiet,” he said, pulling the horse along with him. We walked, and I didn't look back. The blue house I swore to leave forever behind me. The photo I held onto. The sun was only just rising, cold and bright as it stretched over the abandoned houses. We walked in the middle of the road, on each side of the horse. I felt warmth on my skin, on my hair and I combed it down with my fingers and braided it down my back. And no one laughed, or said anything. I realized this might have been my rescue as I looked up at the pine trees ahead, instead of down at the gravel. I looked anywhere I liked and made my hair look nice and I stroked the now curled up photo with my thumb, looking over at the man.

“What's your name?”

I had already broken one of three rules: stay silent, follow me, leave me alone as soon as possible.

He sighed, “you’re not very good at this.”

Even his scolding, and his glare was everything Kades wasn’t. There was no malice, no intention to hurt. I didn’t feel fear in my gut.

“I’m Belle. Like the princess” I peaked over the horse’s moving body.

“Like bellflowers,” he said, glancing at me for barely a second. Like a bellflower, blooming, delicate and untouched by the world. I wish it was so.

“Joel. My name is Joel”

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chapter two

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saltwaterburns · 4 months

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VERY EXPLICIT DETAILS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF MY FEELINGS AFTER FINISHING "THE EMPTY GRAVE"

I tabbed 5 pages: blue for 347, red for 354, green for 385, orange for 415 and yellow for the very last one

i. Lockwood tells Lucy about the blue sapphire necklace his dad got for his mum as a "symbol of his undying devotion".

I was listening to Radiohead for most of the book, and this scene in particular was very dear to me because "Weird Fishes/ Arpeggi" is almost most definitely Lockwood's song. Like. Everybody leaves when they get the chance to, but Lucy won't. Lucy is back here and he's with him and they're standing side by side and he nearly can't get the words out of his mouth that's gone incredibly dry but somehow he's telling her about the necklace in his palm and his mind is racing while thinking about how pretty it'd look against her supple skin. He's almost about to give it to her, his mouth is open but the words die in his throat because Kipps is leaning over the doorway and telling them that Winkman is here and now he might die and she might never really know about his feelings for her but it's okay, because she'll live. He'll make sure she'll live.

ii. "But, if anything, I had my eye on someone else."

"Good God, you don't mean George?"

"You must know there are other possibilities in this world."

Sweet, darling girl Holly and her unrecruited wlw crush. Sweet, darling Holly who was squealing on the inside whenever she caught a glance of Lucy, her glowing skin and twinkling eyes and bright hair. Sweet, darling girl Holly who couldn't help the mean words that sometimes spilled from her lips because God forbid anyone realised what actually might hide under those longing glances.

iii. Lucy and her pet Skully but Skully is being TAKEN AWAY and they're having an angsty goodbye.

I'm pretty sure I actually cried during this scene. As much as she hates to admit it, she's so fond of Skull and his company and she's so used to his vile, unannounced jokes and comments that when he's being taken away from her, her heart literally stops, even though she isn't in the living world anymore. We only realise what we have until we've lost it, and this quote fits here perfectly. Sure, she hates him and his comments are unneeded and he never helps her, but they can't just take him away, can they?

iv. "Marissa came by?" Lockwood asked. "Was she alone?"

"Hey, Lucy asks the questions around here," the youth said. "You can't just barge in and take over like you're the leader or something? Where's your respect?"

Bonus - Skull telling the Clapham Butcher Boy to "find his own human"

I GIGGLED SO LOUD. He's so emotionally dependent on her. Find your own goddamn human, fish face!! That's right!! He's my favourite character. Nothing intellectual to talk about here, it just made me smile really big.

v. She hung the symbol of Lockwood's father's undying devotion to his mother around. Her. Neck. Cause. Locky. Gave. It. To. Her.

CAN YOU HEAR MY SCREAMS AND SOBS? Oh my God, where do I even start? During the entirety of those 5 books, they've always ran and someone's been hunting them down and Penelope was always breathing over their shoulder but not anymore. They'll still take on dangerous jobs and get into little quarrels with Barnes but now Kipps and Flo are also part of their little 35 Portland Row agency. They'll still be in danger every day because that's just what their job requires but it's different because Lucy's got that little gemstone around her neck and it might not mean anything to simple onlookers but all the love and light that's ever been gathered in it is now shining upon her. It's casting a little golden halo around her head and it's all okay because even when death is looking them in the eye, they'll look at each other and nod and everything will be okay.

This is it! Thank you for reading my little rambles. I don't know how I'll ever recover, because 35 Portland Row will eternally be etched to my heart. As my favourite singer once sung, there'll always be a chamber in my heart dedicated to those three and all their little hooligan friends and the shenanigans they got into.

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wynnyfryd · 1 year

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“Steeeeeeeve!” Robin sings as she throws open the front passenger door, in a tone that sounds like she might actually burst if she doesn’t tell Steve whatever juicy news she’s procured in the single hour they’ve been apart while her parents forced her to attend church. “Wait,” she frowns, looking into the car. “Why are you sitting here?”

Steve shoots her a tired smile from the passenger seat and reaches out to squeeze her hand. Eddie waves from the driver’s side, Dustin chirps “Hi, Robin!” from behind Eddie’s head, and she nods a quick hello to them both before turning back to Steve. “Thought I was about to kick Eddie out of my seat,” she says, and okay, rude. “Is it your ear again?”

“Yeah, it’s doing the thing,” Steve says mildly as he climbs out of the car. Eddie scoffs. Pretty understated way of saying ‘I’m probably going deaf from all the head trauma and my ear aches and it’s not always safe for me to drive,’ but whatever.

Steve pauses to hug Robin — kinda squeezes the life out of her, lifts her up and shakes her like he’s trying to knock pennies loose from her frilly dress pockets — and then he hops into the back with Dustin.

“Dude,” Dustin says, sounding so disappointed. “You’re really gonna give up shotgun just like that?”

Steve smacks the back of his head. Dustin yelps “Ow!” and then mutters, “Jerkwad.”

“Shithead,” Steve thumps him again. They tussle for a second until Steve gets him in a headlock, ripping the kid’s hat off and ruffling his hair with a triumphant fist, and Dustin says, “Get off me! This is child abuse, I’m telling mom!”

“She’ll never believe you,” Steve grins, “but go ahead.”

“What the hell are you wearing?” Eddie asks Robin once everyone settles in, because she looks like she’s been forced to wear Nancy’s clothes again.

Robin and Steve mean-mug him in tandem, doing their freaky soulmate sync up shtick, and Robin sniffs, “First of all: Shut up.”

“Steve, control your wife,” and yeah, okay, he deserves the vicious flick to the funny bone he gets for that.

“Secondly, I am wearing the sexist garb of the good Christian girl that my parents like me to pretend to be once a week, and thirdly,” she whips around in her chair to look at Steve, eyes bright with unshared gossip, “you will. not. believe what I overheard today! It is truly, like, so scandalous, Steve, oh, my god!”

Her hands are going crazy with excitement as she speaks, reaching out to slap at the nearest forearm, which just so happens to be Eddie’s. “Watch it, Buckley, Jesus—!”

“—is our Lord and Savior,” Dustin supplies. “Would the two of you like to at least let us leave the church premises before you continue to take the Lord’s name in vain?”

“Aw, Dusty,” Eddie coos as he pulls out of the lot, “you saying you don’t want the big man upstairs to smite our ruin upon the mountainside?”

Another round of synchronized stink faces from the mean girl twins at that, and Dustin snipes “way to butcher the quote, idiot,” but at least someone in this car recognizes his good taste.

Eddie drives them back to Steve’s place as Robin launches into a sordid little tale of Sunday debauchery. Apparently, she excused herself from the sermon when it started getting a little too fire and brimstone for her liking, took to wandering the halls to kill time while she was pretending to be off using the ladies’ room, “and then,” she says in a hushed, slow rasp like she’s telling ghost stories around a campfire, “I heard…”

Steve and Dustin are on the edge of their seats. The leather squeaks as they lean in further.

“…the unmistakable sounds of lovemaking coming from the administrative office!”

“Oh, gross!” Dustin recoils like he’s been burned.

Steve’s brows pinch in offense. “Who fucks in a church?”

“I’d fuck you in a church, baby,” Eddie smirks at him in the rearview, hamming up the cartoonish leer just to piss everyone off. Dustin makes a retching noise and Robin flips him the bird.

Steve’s frown lines deepen. “We’re not fucking in a church,” he says. He looks so serious, all stern and grouchy like Hopper when he’s had to spend too much time around Mike, and Eddie’s having way too much fun riling everyone up so he sticks his bottom lip out and pouts, “Aw, Stevie, come on! Not even a quickie?”

“Gross!!” Dustin shouts again.

“So gross,” Robin concurs.

Eddie just laughs and turns the radio up.

#steddie #steddie drabble #steve harrington #eddie munson #platonic stobin #codependent stobin #they’re married your honor #robin buckley #dustin henderson #henderdads #just some slice of life shenanigans idk it made me laugh

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koravelliumavast · 2 years

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Kaladin aroace moments chronicalized by me, an ace

| TWOK | WOR | OB | ROW | KOWT |

TWOK ch 10: stories of surgeons

“Sani’s head rolled to the side, and she mumbled, drugged. She wore only a white cotton shift, her safehand exposed. Older boys in the town sniggered about the chances they’d had —or had claimed to have had— at seeing girls in their shifts, but Kal didn’t understand what the excitement was all about. He was worried about Sani, though. He always worried when someone was wounded.”

•••

TWOK ch 16: cocoons

“More and more, Kat found that he liked looking at Laral, Kat knew, logically what was happening to him. His father had explained the process of growing wich the precision of a surgeon. But there was so much feeling involved, emotions that his father's sterile descriptions hadn't explained. Some of those emotions were about Laral and the other girls of the town. Other emotions had to do with the strange blanket of melancholy that smothered him at times when he wasn't expecting.”

•••

“Kal found his eyes lingering on her again. That hair of hers was beautiful, with the two stark colors.” (Ok this reads as aesthetic attraction to me more than anything.)

•••

“Kal, if you go to war and find a Shardblade, then you’d be a lighteyes… I mean… Oh, this is useless.” She settled back, folding her arms even more tightly.

Kal scratched his head. She really was acting oddly. “I wouldn’t mind going to war, winning honor and all that. Mostly, I’d like to trace. See what other lands are like.”

•••

TWOK ch 17: A Bloody, Red Sunset

“Always keep a glowing sphere in your pocket,” Kaladin said. “It’s good luck.”

“You certain you don’t want a love potion?”

“If you get caught in the dark, you’ll have light,” Kaladin said tersely. “Besides, as you said, most people aren’t as trusting as you.”

•••

TWOK ch 25: The Butcher

Kal glanced up at the mansion again. “That’s why you encouraged me to play with Laral so much. You wanted to marry me off to her, didn’t you?”

“It was a possibility,” his mother said, returning to her work.

He honestly wasn’t certain how he felt about that

•••

How would he feel marrying someone like Laral? He’d never be her equal. Their children would have a chance of being lighteyed or darkeyed, so even his children might outrank him. He knew he’d feel terribly out of place. That was another aspect of becoming a surgeon. If he chose that path he would be choosing the life of his father. Choosing to set himself apart, to be isolated.

If he went to war, however, he would have a place. Maybe he could even do the nearly unthinkable, win a Shardblade and become a true lighteyes. Then he could marry Laral and not have to be her inferior. Was that why she’d always e chaired him to become a soldier? Had she been thinking about these kinds of things, even back then? Back then, these kinds of decisions—marriage, his future—had seemed impossibly far-off to Kal.

He felt so young. Did he really have to consider these questions?

•••

TWOK ch 37: Sides

Would he see Laral here? He was embarrassed by how infrequently he thought about her these days.

•••

So much had changed. It had been so long, and seeing her brought up old emotions. Shame, excitement. Did she know that his parents had been hoping to marry him to her? Merely seeing her again almost flustered him completely.

•••

TWOK ch 40: eyes of red and blue

Ok I don’t want to quote the whole thing because it’s like three pages. But the conversation between Kal and Sigzil at the end of the chapter where Sigzil says stuff about Kaladin being a leader and whatnot. Yeah.

•••

TWOK ch 44: the weeping

Some might find that dark hair sprinkled with foreigner blood to be unappealing for its indication of mixed blood, but to Kaladin it was alluring.

(Dictionary definition of Alluring: powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating)

•••

TWOK ch 46: child of tanavast

“Your face has strong lines. Square and firm, with a proud chin. We would call it a leaders face among my people.” [Sigzil]

“I’m no lighteyes” Kaladin said, spitting to the side.

•••

TWOK ch 62: Three Glyphs

“I tried to rescue, Tarah…” He hadn’t thought of her in some time. His failure with her had been different from the others, but a failure it was nonetheless.

•••

I dont remember what chapter this is from but holy fuck that’s the gayest thing I’ve heard Moash say and Kaladin following it up with a cool thanks bro can you go help those two? KALADIN

#kaladin stormblessed #lists #long post #stormlight archives #stormlight archives spoilers #cosmere #brandon sanderson #stormlight archive #kaladin is bi aroace and i will die on this hill #if you think there are any other moments that deserve to be here lmk this is just what I saw #aroace kal proof #the way of kings spoilers #the way of kings #irritating to me to say this but it’s obviously all just my opinions

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tibby · 6 months

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Tibby idk if we are mutuals but to me you are the one whose article about how men in movies and tv are the same as teen girls in other tv and movies I would read and trust.

I hope I am conveying this ok! I mean I feel like the way you draw connections between various media and like depictions of girlhood and fraught connections between girls in media is really interesting!!!

OH LMAO thank you!!! i take some issue with the way twitter and tumblr and tiktok try to present "girlhood" as this unifying thing every woman on earth can relate to, as if every single woman (or woman adjacent, given that i personally do not identify as such but that is how i was raised and how i am perceived. but i digress!) have had the exact same experiences across the board. and a lot of it results in tenuous links between various characters in media who have nothing in common except...being women. maybe sharing a genre.

and it's funny to me, because the same links can be made between just about any character if you try hard enough, and the idea of writing off middle aged men as teen girl coded is entertaining. i don't think there's enough there to ever explore it outside of joke posts, but also if there's one truth i know, it's that peter strahm is betty cooper coded. but betty cooper is not necessarily peter strahm coded. SHE is the blueprint and he is the copy, and she actually outsmarted the killer who had a psychosexual obsession with her, so.

and maybe that is making a mockery of quote unquote girlhood but also the idea of ""girlhood"" as presented on tumblr is so empty and hollow and reinforces gender roles and acts like a universal concept when it really isn't.

like. jason blossom fulfils the role of laura palmer and lawrence gordon is a quinn fabray kinnie and eduardo from the social network would relate to the melodrama alsbum. does any of this fucking mean anything? not necesarily! but neither do "womanhood is [specific experience of the op who doesn't realise not everyone lives in suburban ohio]" posts.

anyway this sounds like me being a hater and also now i'm concerned i misinterpreted what you were trying to say, as i sometimes do. but much love anyway and never forget that in a world where the term has been butchered to mean "any woman in a horror movie," matias o'brien IS a final girl <3

#ask #anonymous

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totallysora · 2 months

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Mean Girls Part 2 (Movie)

Ok so this is my overall opinions on stuff such as the cut songs and the actors etc 😭 (Once again I haven’t actually watched it, I’ve only ever listened to the soundtrack [once 💀] and seen a few clips!)

Let me start with cut songs! It roars (yes I am counting this) - Realistically I don’t really see why they cut it, and honestly I imagine it would’ve fit within the movie better Also, Ik Renee was on broadway as Regina, and Ik she can sing/write, but never let this girl pick up a pen like ever again that song sas horrific 😭 There’s definitely worst songs out there don’t get me wrong but this was absolutely not a good replacement for it roars Where do you belong? - Ok honestly cutting this makes sense, I can see how this would be difficult to translate from the stage, and they’re so theatre that making them pop would be horrible 😭 doesn’t mean I’m not upset abt it tho 😕 Meet the Plastics (also counting this) - Literally what was the point man 😭 if you’re gonna get rid of all of the best parts get rid of the whole song like this was utter bs - sure, I haven’t seen if it worked well in the movie but Idc, there was literally no need 💀 The reprises (all of them excluding someone gets hurt) - I guess I see why they cut these, as the movie would’ve just been made a lot longer with them, kinda wish we could’ve heard aaron sing tho Fearless - Kinda sad they cut this cuz I actually rlly like the song 😕 also completely butchering gretchen and her songs like damn 😨 not yall acting like she’s one of the best singers on that soundtrack 💀Stop - Much like where do you belong, I can actually understand why they cut this one, although I absolutely wanna hear Jaquel sing it (and on his live the other day I’m pretty sure he said he’s planning on releasing a cover) also doesn’t mean I’m gonna be happy abt it tho 😔 WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS - THIS WHOLE SOUNTRACK IS LITERALLY KEVIN G ERASURE BRO 😭 LIKE WDYM WE DONT GET TO HEAR HIM RAP?? YALL R GONNA TELL ME THAT THE ENTIRE PARTY WAS JUST SPOKEN ☹️ More is better - Also kinda like this song, once again wish we could’ve heard aaron sing but it is what it is Ig 🤷‍♀️ Someone gets hurt (reprise) - Ok so this wasn’t in the soundtrack, and seeing clips of it I see why 💀 It was barely even singing?? She was legit just yelling/screaming it was so bad 😨 DO THIS THING - AS I SAID BEFORE KEVIN G ERASURE LIKE THERE IS NO WAY THEY HAD THE MATHLETES CHAMPIONSHIP WITHOUT SINGING 😭

About the actors

Don’t Quote me on this but am pretty sure only 2 of them are actually theatre actors?? Ik both Jaquel and Renee have been on Broadway but before the movie cast was announced I had no clue who the others were? And I tried to find theatre credits but there were literally none 😭

I saw a clip the other day of Tina Fey telling us all to stop complaining abt it, cuz she got a killer cast, and sure yea they were a good cast but if you’re gonna make a musical movie, especially based on such an iconic musical, actually make it a good musical?? Actually whilst I’m on this topic I just wanna say the advertising for this movie was so shit, like they didn’t even advertise it as a musical?? And so many people went without knowing it was 💀

Tbh although I’m not trying to say the cast was bad, I just wish they casted actual broadway actors, cuz it would’ve been sm better (for example, WSS 2021 - most of the cast were bway/theatre actors n it is one of the best musical movies I have ever watched)

At this point I would’ve preferred the og bway cast 💀 Like Idc that they’re all 30 or whatever 😭 Personally, I prefer proshots to movie musicals anyways, due to the fact that we get to see it on stage, so ee don’t have to miss anything, and if they really wanted to do this properly they should’ve just gone for a proshot 🤷‍♀️ But that’s just my opinion based on what I’ve seen!

#mean girls musical movie #mean girls 2024 #mean girls soundtrack #mean girls #mean girls musical #broadway #musical movies #musical theatre #musicals #renee rapp #jaquel spivey #tina fey #theatre #I’m just sad that they didn’t just make it a proshot like cmon man 😕

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jvstheworld · 9 months

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The Buffy Re-watch: S1E12 (part 1)

Prophecy Girl

The last episode of season 1. I ended up writing 9 pages (A5 Pages, I don't like writing on A4, A5 is just easier to hold and rest on my lap as I write), so this might be another 3 parter. Here goes:

First thing I noticed was that the sign for the Bronze changed after the last episode still had the fumigation sign on it.

Xander practicing asking Buffy out and using Willow is his practice person. Oh boy.

Buffy is off fighting, and she lands on her back/butt, then she pulls out a stake from the back of her waistband. How did she not get stabbed by it when she fell?

Giles really does put in some serious overtime as a Watcher. The man needs more of a life. But I get the importance of why he's putting in the extra the time.

Earthquake. According to The Master, a possible 5.1. Can someone explain to me how earthquakes are measured? We don't get them here in the UK, except for that one time in 2008? where we had a small one. I slept through it though.

Giles looks like shit, after finding out some very troubling news. As we saw in Episode 10, Giles' biggest fear is losing Buffy so her will try to do anything he can to prevent that from happening. He definitely has a father's love for her by this point.

Okay, here we go, Xander is asking out Buffy. He was direct and to the point, that's good, get's the message across.

THEN HERE IS WHERE HE RUINS!!! Buffy turns him down because she sees him as just a friend only. Her friendship is more important, more valuable than the possibility of starting an ill-fated with him that could ruin their friendship. He likes her ad asking her out was brave, don't have a problem with that. The problem is how he reacts to it. Buffy doesn't feel that same so it wouldn't make sense for her to say yes, that would be leading him on and would be wrong. She also has feelings for Angel and would cause problems there. Turning Xander down was the right thing to do in this situation. However, Xander's snipe 'I guess a guy's gotta be dead undead to make time with you?' was fucking uncalled for and cruel. You can't help who you fall for, but you do not get to punish someone because it's not you. When faced with rejection you accept what the person has said and move on. You don't ever act like an entitled asshole because they said no. And while Xander may have apologised for his little comment after Buffy rightfully calls him out for it, he doesn't mean it. He hates Angel and takes any opportunity to disparage him in front of whoever will listen. He says sorry to placate Buffy, but he doesn't actually regret saying it because he believes what he said. Rejection fucking sucks. Whether it's by friends, partners, jobs or university, it hurts. But it happens. It's a part of life and you need to get used to it, because if you always take it so hard and personally it will eat away at you and leave you bitter and angry at the world. If left like this your mental will be in tatters. Learn to accept rejection and move on. In Xander's case, he can either accept that Buffy's friendship is enough for him, or he can walk away if he can't accept it. To quote Billy Butcher from 'The Boys' (I love this show) 'Don't be a cunt.'

I'm going to leave it there for this part. I will have more to say about Xander in the next part, but it will mostly centre on Buffy. Part 2 tomorrow.

#buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #rupert giles #willow rosenberg #xander harris #buffy rewatch #tv show thoughts #prophecy girl #btvs s1

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quintupleaaaaabattery · 11 months

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I’m mad at the live action HTTYD. I know it’s simple don’t watch it. That’s probably what y’all gonna say. But this is for many reasons

1. CGI - I don’t see them not butchering this. It’s like you are starting from scratch making dragons try to look realistic and yet diverse. Like there are so many different types of dragons, ranging from terrifying to cute (or in Toothless’s case both). Also the RED DEATH that’s gotta be major scary so it looking really bad CGI takes away the scare factor. It has a very high probability of taking away from the film if the CGI is bad, and also lessens the impact of how we see the dragons.

2. Now onto the casting. (Just making a note, in no way am I doubting the acting talent of those cast, I know that they will kill it.)

First off I couldn’t give a fuck, about Nico Parker playing Astrid.

Oh that takes away blonde Scandinavian representation, it’s historically inaccurate. The whole plot is Vikings riding dragons. It’s not supposed to be historically accurate it is a fantasy world.

Also what Scandinavian representation. The vikings characters either have Scottish accents, whilst all the young dragon riders have American accents. Yes I know Vikings were in America, but they still wouldn’t have an American accent or speaking English. Scandinavian characters does not equal Scottish. They are two different cultures.

The Vikings are also not represented right in the first place, ie it’s a loose representation. They didn’t have the horns on the Helmets, the names are wrong. Astrid’s last name would be Hofferdottir (daughter of Hoffer), for example and Hiccups would be Stoickson (Son of Stoick). There is a paternal naming system with a clear divide on the gender binary (I hope that makes sense, I’m no expert when it comes to Viking naming and I don’t know how to explain it with the correct terms.

Additionally they even present the God’s wrong. If you are actively apart of the fandom re. watched all the content in the franchise not just the movies (no I’m not counting nine realms or rescue riders rest assured), season 1 episode 8, Portrait of Hiccup as a Buff Man, of ROB, mentions Freya as the goddess of fire. In Norse mythology she’s not the goddess of fire, that’s Logi (well he’s the god, and no I don’t mean Loki, I had to do I quick google search as my mythology knowledge is somewhat limited to the Riordan books). Freya is the goddess of love and beauty, and that kind of stuff.

I also have to add if this were era appropriate, and culturally accurate Astrid and Ruffnut and Heather, they wouldn’t be part of the action. Don’t get me wrong Viking women were some feminist queens who lived in a society that was more progressive. They were allowed to divorce their husbands, for mistreating them may it be that they were abusing them. However they still were not expected to fight, their lives and chores were still housebound. If this franchise cared about the ‘culture’ or the ‘historical accuracy’ we would not see these three queens grace our screens being badass and menaces to their adversaries in battle.

Instead it gives POC representation. (And no I am not a POC myself, I’m White so I can’t speak for the experiences of a POC woman because I don’t face the same type discrimination, feel free to add your input if you are POC.) Astrid being a love interest, and a character who is seen as others as a symbol of beauty. So it’s not Eurocentric beauty (blonde hair, blue eyes), but that makes it more impactful. Astrid is this three dimensional warrior goddess who is determined and strong and her being blonde never drove the plot or her character’s actions. Her biggest insecurity is that people view her as less tough because she is pretty not because she is blonde.

Quote, “Just because she's beautiful, people think she's not tough. But you should never underestimate me.”

It doesn’t matter she’s not blonde because she is still beautiful. This allows POC girls to be better represented (I do know that she is still light skinned).

I do think she is a bit too old for the role. Like she’s 18, you haven’t started filming and she just looks older, I mean 21 she doesn’t look 15. So I’m a bit iffy on that, but otherwise let’s get to why I am really boycotting this movie.

I don’t see anyone complaining about the casting of Hiccup, it’s all Astrid. Yet the casting of Mason Thames as Hiccup is problematic.

The main reason as to why I wasn’t looking forward to a live-action adaptation was that I knew that they would butcher it to be an ableist mess. Why isn’t anyone talking about how this movie is taking away disabled - amputee representation. Hiccup, a amputee, is being played by a abled bodied actor.

Now I’m disabled. I’m not physically disabled like Hiccup, so my experiences, limitations and how I am discriminated against are different as I am Autistic (also have ADHD to be mentioned). Let’s be honest though that boy definitely is AuDHD, but that’s not the point. So hopefully you can see why I am upset. (Feel free to add your input if you are physically disabled/an amputee)

By doing this they are taking away one of the only protagonist who is an amputee- and don’t say what about Luke Skywalker - because his disability was magically replaced with a lifelike copy, as if he never lost a hand in the first place, which is problematic in its own right.

Hiccup Haddock clearly is an amputee and is permanently affected by it, their is no cure, but this doesn’t make him any less of a person and whilst he does have limitations, he can still live out a happy fulfilling life. This is a defining aspect of his character and is essential to the plot and moving the story forward.

Now I know your counter argument, but Hiccup only lost his leg at the end of the movie. I know they can CGI it off for that little bit of time and find a way to show a prosthetic leg, but it is still takes away representation. You’re claiming you want these characters to be portrayed accurately but you don’t care if disabled representation is being taken away.

It isn’t authentic representation when a person who doesn’t live as an amputee to play an amputee. They don’t share those experiences. Thus this casting is ableism at it’s finest.

I know Hiccup is a abled bodied for most of the film so that’s why you think it would be more practical for an abled bodied actor, but when they make the sequel what are they gonna do for that? Hiccup is disabled for the rest of the franchise, so it’s counterintuitive in away. They might as well have casted an amputee actor from the beginning.

You might argue that how would they do that as Hiccup loosing is foot is less impactful if he is an amputee from the beginning of the film but have you considered that they just put a boot over it/ cover with clothing. I’m not to sure with the mechanisms but I’m sure they could have figured something out.

And if you are going to argue that it would harder to do and film action/practical scenes, whilst it might be harder (I’m not denying that and might being the key word) but friendly reminder about a certain character who is an amputee from the MCU being Echo (whose currently in line of getting her own series).

I’m honestly wondering why they are doing this in live action in the first point, and I am disappointed in not only the casting but the reactions to the casting, mostly how people aren’t even acknowledging the ableism of the casting and focusing on slamming the casting that was more inclusive and forward thinking. But no, clearly people are to focused on race, (being that all characters in the Viking times have to be white, the least oppressed group and the most represented, which I do include myself as I am aware of the privileges I get because of it) instead of focusing on the erasure of amputee representation.

So that’s it sorry for the long rant/post.

#httyd movies #httyd franchise #httyd hiccup #httyd astrid #how to train your dragon #hiccup how to train your dragon #hiccuphorrendoushaddockiii #hiccup haddock #astrid hofferson #astrid httyd

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bklynmusicnerd · 1 year

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"He makes me feel like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him"

It took forever but someone finally got an honest answer out of Trina about how Spencer makes her feel. Setting aside how beautifully Tabyana delivered that (the passion, the relief!), I loved hearing Trina discuss her feelings for Spencer because usually it's the other way around.

It's interesting to me that Trina likes how much Spencer cherishes her and needs her because I think there's been evidence that Trina has a tendency to underestimate herself. Yeah, part of this is unsurprising as a girl who likes to save is gonna be touched by the idea of being someone's life raft.

However, the way Spencer expresses his love for her makes Trina see herself in a different light, which is ironically the light that most people see her in but she doesn't really see herself for some reason.

I hope this means that as things deepen between Trina and Spencer, that she'll grow into her confidence and recognize her value rather than make herself small. To butcher a Toni Morrison quote, it would be cool to see Trina rise in love and not just fall in it.

#general hospital #trina robinson #trina in love and aware of it is gonna be interesting #spencer cassadine

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mesillusionssousecstasy · 9 months

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Shadow & Bone 2x04 - “Every Monstrous Thing”: Quotes

“- Why must you always play the diplomat, Nikolai? Grisha dining beside true Ravkan soldiers is a bit much for all our stomachs. (Vasily) - We are all Ravkan here. (Nikolai) - Doesn’t need to be us versus them. (Alina) - That said, absent their Darkling, the Grisha are rather easy to manage. (Vasily) - By “manage”, do you mean “execute”, moi tsarevich? (Alina) - That fate is reserved for traitors to the Crown, Miss Starkov. Why should I believe you have any loyalty to my family? (Vasily) - Today marks the start of a new era of cooperation between Lantsovs and the Grisha. I’m delighted to announce my engagement to Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner and new leader of the Second Army. Together, we will build a better future for Ravka. (Nikolai) - That was a bit much. (Alina) - Understatement is overrated. (Nikolai) - But is this best for your long-term positioning? (Tatiana) - This is what’s best for me and for Ravka, Madraya. Your other son is working hard to send this country to civil war. I aim to stand in his way. (Nikolai) - I’d better plan some sort of official celebration. (Tatiana) - Now’s not the time for parties. Such an affaire risks exposure, Kirigan’s threat is unyielding. (Nikolai) - You are a Lantsov heir. If we don’t commemorate it, it’ll look like we have something to hide. I’ll keep it small, extended family only.” (Tatiana)

“- Suffering is as cheap as clay and twice as common. What matters is what you make of it.” (Baghra)

“- She served you loyally since she was a child, endured years of abuse on your orders, and you reduce her to an example? Oh, Aleksander, where does this stop? (Baghra) - It stops once Ravka is mine, and Alina is at my side. (Aleksander) - So slaughtering civilians, maiming Grisha, butchering your own kin? (Baghra) - Everything I know, I learned at your knee. (Aleksander) - I was a fool to think I could steer you to redemption. (Baghra) - Spare me your quaint ideas, Mother. It’s too late.” (Aleksander)

“- No mourners. No funerals.” (all together) - Why do you guys say that? Why isn’t it just “good luck” or “be safe”? (Nina) - We like to keep our expectations low.” (Inej)

“- As leader of the Second Army, I need more. I need to learn the Cut. (Alina) - That was Kirigan’s way, to lead with fear. You can lead with your heart. The Second Army will be better for it. (Nadia) - You make a good point. (Alina) - But I wouldn’t completely reject fear. Can’t tell you how many have taken one look at my girls and reconsidered. I don’t know how the Cut works, that’s a hop-shelf Etherialki move, but I do know how to direct power. It’s all about intention. I like to picture the face of the person I want to crush. Try it. Well, it’s not the Cut, but it’s effective.” (Tamar)

“- They are nichevo’ya. Nothing.” (David)

“- Or I can do something right now, an alternative to boost my power. (Alina) - Alternative? He created soldiers of shadow. (Mal) - Maybe... I can tear down the Fold by creating soldiers of light. (Alina) - With what? Merzost? The Darkling messed with it and we got the Fold for 400 years. Now he has monsters who walk with him. (Nadia) - Give me time to track the Firebird. (Mal) - There’s always a cost to merzost. It’s not worth the risk. (David) - If you have no loyalty to Kirigan, then help me find a way to bring him down. (Alina) - The journal omits the most consequential detail, the cost. You’re asking the wrong questions. Although, there is something you should know. I didn’t want to mention it in frond of the others. Even now, something may extend between you two. A shared bond that persists beyond what happened in the Fold. (David) - I share no bond with Kirigan. (Alina) - I wouldn’t be so sure. The fragment is out of his hand, but there is still residue of the Stag. He asked me about a link. You may still be connected in some way.” (David)

“- Any chance is better than no chance. (Alina) - That’s a very Sturmhond thing to say. Were he here, he would surely commend you. (Nikolai) - It’s unsettling how you talk about him like he’s someone else.” (Mal)

“- I will kill everything you love, Brekker. (Pekka Rollins) - The trick is not to love anything. Your mistake was that you let someone get in. Someone you’d sacrifice everything for and it makes you weak. (Kaz) - Then I’ll just kill you. (Pekka) - Do that and you’ll never find your son in time. (Kaz) - What did you do? (Pekka) - I buried him. Six feet deep. He went into that box so easily. Didn’t even cry, until I took this from him. (Kaz) - What the hell do you want? (Pekka) - I want you to remember. (Kaz) - Remember what? (Pekka) - A con you ran... on two farm boys. Orphans. (Wake up, Jordie!) A promise to replace the family that they’d lost. And then you duped them out of everything. They ended up on the streets and they both died. But one of us was reborn. Too many pigeons to remember? Let me help you. Jakob Hertzoon. (Kaz) - I don’t remember his name!” (Pekka)

“- I could use a hand with these laces. While I admit it’s a skill I’ve perfected, I’m not sure it would be appropriate. (Vasily) - What can I do for you, moi tsarevich? (Alina) - You call my brother by his given name. (Vasily) - We met under different circumstances. (Alina) - Yes, I’ve heard some find his whole corsair act rather charming. He must realize, no matter his aims, he will always be a second son. Only I can make you a queen. (Vasily) - I can assure you I have no such ambition. (Alina) - Is that so? (Vasily) - You’ve made no secret of your opinions on Grisha. Why propose an alliance with me? (Alina) - I stand by my previous statements. The Ravkan people are fed up of being held hostage by Grisha tyrants. Odds are some Grisha are good people. You could help me sort that out. (Vasily) - Where would you find the time? Rumor has it you find yourself quite preoccupied at Caryeva, between the horse races and the brothels. (Alina) - How many true allies do you really have, Miss Starkov? Grisha scraps. As leader of the Second Army, I imagine the Commander of the First would be a good one to keep. You’re a smart girl, consider your options.” (Vasily)

“- Well, I left because I assumed that’s what you were going to do. I just thought that someone like you wouldn’t want anything more. Especially after just one night, so I thought it was easier to cut my losses. (Wylan) - Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I mean, my reputation isn’t entirely unfounded. I like the chaos. The gamble of Barrel life. Never knowing what comes next. I might very well have left you first. But that... was before I got to know you. I can’t make you any promises. Or predict what might happen between us. But I can tell you that... I’d like to find out.” (Jesper)

“- You may have gathered this about me, but silences, they really aren’t my favorite thing. (Inej) - You chose strangers over your crew. (Kaz) - I got the note to the driver. Nina said everything worked out. (Inej) - I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know if Pekka hired another assassin to kill you. I didn’t know if you would.... (Kaz) - I’m fine. Your face... I’m sorry I wasn’t there. (Inej) - I can’t have a weak link in my crew. (Kaz) - I do one thing without consulting you and I’m a weak link? You can’t be serious. (Inej) - I need to know I can count on my Crows. If we can’t rely on each other, we have nothing. (Kaz) - So just like that... I’m out? (Inej) - You’re free. Now all the indentures in Kerch have a Wraith.” (Kaz)

“- You look magnificent. Like sunshine on the first day of spring. (Nikolai) - Thank you. Some of your Grisha were kind enough to help me put this together instead of... (Alina) - I think I have just the flourish to complete the look. A gift. The Lantsov Emerald. (Nikolai) - “Understatement is overrated.” (Alina) - I love it when you quote me. Console yourself knowing that, should you ever punch me while wearing it, you’ll probably take my eye out. And I’d very much like you to. Wear it, that is. Not punch me. (Nikolai) - Your mother will not be pleased you gave this to a commoner. (Alina) - If my mother was as put off by commoners as she claims, I wouldn’t be here, now would I? If you lead an army, you must get better at hiding what you’re thinking. (Nikolai) - I wasn’t sure. I’ve heard the whispers since I was a child. (Alina) - I’ll deny it if you repeat it, but the truth is, I couldn’t care less if I have Lantsov blood. Given all the royal inbreeding, I think being a bastard is probably a point in my favour. (Nikolai) - It’s nice when you drop the act, when you’re just yourself. (Alina) - I’m a prince, Alina. Being myself is a luxury I can’t often indulge. The throne is just a prize to Vasily, like some favorite toy. (Nikolai) - You actually care about Ravka. You’d make a good king. (Alina) - Coming from you, that means a lot. (Nikolai) - You’re going to be insufferable now, aren’t you? (Alina) - Well, I’m already insufferable. (Nikolai) - This is your family’s idea of a small gathering? (Alina) - I did not expect this. (Nikolai) - Where’s Mal? (Alina) - I know my company doesn’t account for much, but at least pretend to enjoy yourself. After all, that gelatin deer gave its life for your entertainment. (Nikolai) - It’s just... It’s not like him, you know? (Alina) - You can’t fault him for being a little late. This must be a sort of torture for him. I’m sure he’ll be here soon. (Nikolai) - Perhaps your loyal tracker doesn’t share your enthusiasm for the festivities. (Vasily) - If you’ll excuse me, moi tsarevich. (Alina) - I provided her with my personal seamstress and got not a word of gratitude. You know, milen’kiy, it’s not too late to reconsider. (Tatiana) - We agreed on an intimate affair. How many guests did you invite? (Nikolai) - Vasily got a little overzealous with the invites. Now I don’t entirely approve of your Caryeva set, but I admit, that sort lend a certain air of festivity. (Tatiana) - You revealed our location to the gamblers and freeloaders you call friends? (Nikolai) - That’s rich coming from a pirate. (Vasily) - You make yourself ridiculous. The Darkling lives. We’re at great risk if our location is compromised. You’d sacrifice us all for your pride and stupidity. (Nikolai) - You overreach, you little bastard.” (Vasily)

“- It’s good to see you, Alina. (Aleksander) - You’re not real. (Alina) - The Sea Whip has made you stronger. I always told you, you were meant for more. Power suits you. (Aleksander) - Stay away from me. (Alina) - I’m trying to protect you from the fighting. (Aleksander) - You lured me away from my friends. (Alina) - To keep you safe. (Aleksander) - To kill them. (Alina) - Only the Lantsovs. But my creations are somewhat unpredictable. Not unlike you. (Aleksander) - Get out of my head. (Alina) - Why must you be so difficult? I’m only doing this because I care about you. Let me help you. I’ll be back for you. I have no intention of hurting you. You must know that by now. (Aleksander) - Forgive me if I don’t take you at your word. (Alina) - I was honest about what mattered. (Aleksander) - Like creating the Fold? (Alina) - Your obsession with the Fold is naive. Destroying it won’t solve Ravka’s problems. They’ve hated us and hunted us long before the Fold existed. I was there. Now stop this, please. And come with me. We’ll rule together side by side. I promised that you and I would change the world. And I intend to keep that promise. (Aleksander) - That is never going to happen. (Alina) - How do you see this playing out? You and your Lantsov Prince happily ever after? Your faithful tracker curled up at the foot of your throne. I have seen what you truly are, and I have never turned away. I never will. Can they say the same? (Aleksander) - They’re not the ones obsessed with power and control. (Alina) - Power must be controlled. And you are playing a very dangerous game with it. (Aleksander) - You don’t want me to tear down the Fold, because if I do, I’ll destroy the only thing you have left. (Alina) - Have it your way.” (Aleksander)

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone 2 #shadow and bone season two #shadow and bone quotes #alina starkov #nikolai lantsov #the darkling #aleksander morozova

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welcometomy20s · 1 year

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March 26, 2023

Onimai should be right up my alley, but I kind of hesitated at first. I’m not a big fan of forced reversed hierarchy type of stuff, but when I actually read the premise, I was satiated, because it was a much more familiar trope. Yeah, it seems odd, but this isn’t the first.

My first encounter was from a webcomic, terrible don’t read it, called The Wotch, where the older brother of the main character voluntarily turns into a little girl because it helps him relax. Again, it might sound strange, but his explanation explains the appeal of Onimai.

At least in Japan, apparently it’s the #1 new anime for the season there, compared to the West where it had a more mixed reception. I think part of that is Western audience tends to lean more towards realism, and this is more of an allegorical story. Let me backup for a bit.

I’m not sure if I talked about Harenchi Gakuen before, but this manga is probably one of the most important mangas out there and it shows the countercultural roots of manga and anime. The manga is an outrageous one where everyone sexually harrasses everyone, but it was originally made as an expose of the physical and sexual harassment of faculty to their students.

As the battle between people who were uncomfortable with sexual depictions of Harenchi Gakuen and mangaka Go Nagai increased, the erotic level of the comic increased as well, to further expose the harassment in schools and ensure the freedom of expression.

All of this culminates with Harenchi Daisouku, the end of what was to be the first part of manga, where the government fed up with all the shenanigans the school was having basically invades the school and massacres most of the students and adults.

I mean along with truly graphic depiction of violence (for example, the protagonist's parents try to sell dead children shredded to pieces to the butcher shop but get killed by their son in the dark, who later comments the corpse looked like a pig), there are some choice words here.

Head of ‘Japan Education Committee’ - Ha ha, I can finally murder. After WWII, I can finally kill people. If there is a reason, you can always kill people!

Ayu (pretty popular character) - S, save me. No, I don’t want to die. I still want to do lots of things. I don’t want to die, why… Why did this get so big? Why are we fighting a war? Who… who did this? Who made a war out of nothing? Why kill me and all the others, why do you have to destroy Harenchi Gakuen? Free! I just wanted to be free!

Ayu’s word rings true in the days where twitter beefs leads to laws that harms millions of people, where some use a fake persecution of a popular author as a pretense for an invasion.

So, yeah, the countercultural root of the manga and anime, this spirit is best demonstrated in the modern era in the focus and depiction of young girls in the media. Manga and anime flips the patriarchal and paternal hegemony upside down by glorifying the people who would be at the bottom of that hierarchy, which would be young girls.

By depicting young girls in ‘adult’ situation, not just in the western parlance of ‘adult’ but also more generally dealing with more mature topics, a kind of the basis for Cute Girls Doing Cute Things, CGDCT for short, mangakas and anime producer tried to envision a more gentle and fair society, an alternative to the toxic masculinity of the current hegemony. To quote a comment, ‘I have more fond memories of high school from an anime girl than of myself’.

This explains the connection between CGDCT and Isekai, as both are depictions of alternatives to our current society and perhaps commentary of the hegemony. The balance between the two might come from economic factors. The modern exploration of bishoujo kicked off in the mid-90s, just after the huge asset bubble crash, and the epitome of CGDCT, K-On, came out in 2009, just after the Great Recession. And the recent success of shows like Lycoris Recoil, Bocchi the Rock, and Onimai might pertain to the recent downturn due to COVID as well.

I sometimes call the world of anime and manga Fake Japan compared to Real Japan, and frequently admit that I like Fake Japan and hate Real Japan. Fake Japan’s goal is to reimagine the country with a fairer lens, with freedom of sexuality and expression, where people are able to pursue their heart rather than submit to a relentless capitalistic grist mill.

So with that explanation, some would like to posit transgender allegory to be unfounded, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think for many trans people, this alternative to hegemony is a great appeal to pursue transition beyond some biological need, which some would posit is an antiquated way of thinking about transgender. It would be imprudent to simply dismiss the relation many transgender feel to Mahiro’s journey of finding oneself, which is why show truly is an allegory, in the definition that allegory is an wayward metaphorical illustration of the concept rather than a straight analysis of the topic. It doesn’t matter what gender Mahiro prefers in the end, what matters is the resonance transgendered people sense when viewing Mahiro’s plight and how its resonance connects the general need for alternatives in the declining economy.

Yeah, so I like the show, I guess. I should also mention that the show is done by Studio Bind, whose flagship project is Mushouku Tensai, another controversial series, and both do a great job in terms of design and animation, which really makes the show a standout.

#onimai #anime #feminism?#society #hierarchy

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uncircumcisedgirlboss · 1 year

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My favorite episode of Adventure Time was the one with the creepy black-eyed girls. I love how there's no explanation for them. It's an episode that truly captures what it would be like to live in the fantastical and always puzzling Land Of Ooo. Bizarre things would just happen and you'd just never get closure on it.

It makes me think about that quote from Jacob Gellar about the surreal marble game: "This means something, and it means something significant, but you, a non-marble, can't understand it."

(I almost definitely butchered that, but I think I managed to get the gist across)

#adventure time #my posts #jacob geller

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spnae · 2 years

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Chapter 13 Home Again

****** ******* *******

Spike pulled the car up in front of the castle and the two of them got out. “Doesn’t look like the girls are back yet,” he observed.

Buffy nodded as she finished up her conversation on her cell phone. “Thanks again Wil, let me know ASAP. I’d like to get started this week. Talk later, bye!” Buffy had called Willow and Dawn on the way home to fill them in on Giles’ accident and explain that it would be delaying their trip.

“That went better than expected…” Buffy said as she looked at her phone after hanging up and then up at the dark castle. “Wil said she’d get right on the mapping thing and let me know when she had something. They both seem oddly cool with the idea of us staying longer. Willow says Xander is planning on visiting them really soon.” She grabbed a flashlight from under her seat and the two of them made their way over to the duplex.

“You know, I’m really starting to wonder about them. Almost seems like there’s something going on doesn’t it?”

Buffy chewed her lip, “I’m glad Xander is going to be there, he would let me know if it’s something serious.”

“What are you thinking, Buff?”

She shrugged, “I’m thinking I’m probably paranoid.”

“To quote a new favorite book of mine, ‘Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face’.”

“God that’s a cheerful thought, what the hell have you been reading?”

“The Dresden Files by an American bloke called Butcher, they’re about a wise-ass professional wizard in Chicago. Only thing is that the vampires are nothing like the real thing, but still. The bloke is pretty brilliant. I’ve read the first five. I can’t wait for the next one to come out next month.”

“Oh my God, you actually are a geek!”

“Hey now!”

“It’s actually kinda cute- hot, I definitely meant hot.”

Spike narrowed his eyes at her, “Not sure how to take that one, Pet.”

“It’s a good thing, it means you have layers. Just accept it,” she grinned as she opened the door to the entryway, “Here we are!”

“Right, let’s test this out, ladies first,” he gestured towards the door. Buffy went in and stood waiting.

As expected, Spike was able to step right in, “Alright then, let’s see it.”

“We’ll be over here on the right,” Buffy opened the door stepping into the dining area, “Can’t you just see it?” She grinned.

“Didn’t expect this.”

“I know right? I think most of the crown molding is in good condition and the wainscoting in the kitchen is alright. The breakfast nook is going to need some help…”

“Should look into that Nacro-tempered glass Wolfram and Hart loves so much. Got to say, that stuff is bloody brilliant. I found out it’s actually a spell on the glass, bet Willow could pull it off.”

“That’s a good idea, Honey. Ready to check out the upstairs?” She asked as she pulled out a stake. Spike nodded as he did the same.

The two of them went up to the bedrooms, “What’s with the hotel setup up here? Are these rooms the same?”

“I know right? But still, that means Dawn gets her own bathroom over here and you and I get our own-“ she walked over to the second bedroom, “I figured this would be our room,” she continued walking through the spacious bedroom and into a little hallway of sorts that separated the dual closets and lead into the large bathroom.

“Privacy is the key here.”

Spike gave her a wolfish grin, “A new bathtub would be good in here.”

“See, now we’re on the same page,” she smiled.

“Out of curiosity, what would be the first thing you would do to really claim this place as ‘home’?” He asked her.

“Oh, that’s easy, I’d get rid of the dead critters. Then I’d get the leaky fireplace and the water damage fixed. And the bathrooms, then I would rip up the carpeting in the bedrooms. But first,” Buffy pressed Spike to the wall and started to unfasten his pants, “I’d give my boyfriend a good shag in our own private bathroom because the carpeting in the bedroom is seriously nasty.”

“Picking up on the lingo now are you?” he murmured as he kissed her neck and pulled her shirt off, “You know I’m always up for a good shag.”

In a matter of seconds half their clothing was littered around the dank and dirty bathroom but neither of them cared. They were too engrossed in each other. Buffy screamed as Spike held her pinned her to the wall, he held both of her hands with one of his. She relaxed as she wrapped her legs around him and allowed him to drive into her, sending her over the edge. Spike released her hands as he felt her shudder. Buffy grabbed his shoulders and tore at his back as he continued on. She kissed his neck and found his earlobe taking it in her mouth. Spike let out a moan that was more of a growl as Buffy spurred him on to completion with a gasp and another little scream of pleasure.

Spike kissed her tenderly as he released Buffy from the wall. She slid down still holding onto him as she found her feet. She kissed him again, “We still have a house to explore,” she teased.

“Should I bother with clothes or are you planning on claiming every room like that?” He grinned as he reluctantly let her pass him.

Buffy smirked and slipped on her jeans and underwear, “It was just an idea, don’t know if it worked,” she looked around at the bathroom, “In spite of the ugly tile, it does feel more like home,” she laughed.

“Hey, whatever it takes, Love. I’d be happy to repeat as often as necessary.”

They dressed quickly and continued on through the house as she had with Giles just that morning. As they walked through they discussed all the work that would need to be done and the things they would like to do. They spent some more time in the kitchen and living room going over ideas. Spike had some surprisingly good ones Buffy liked.

“I think when Callum comes to look at the elevator I’m going to ask him to come take a look over here.”

“Good idea, you can always call Xander to come take a look too. At least he’s going to be on this side of the pond now.”

“Oh I was already planning on doing that,” She said as she opened the basement door, “Ready?”

“Lead on, Slayer.”

However, the basement was empty this time. Buffy shrugged her arms, swinging them around her, “Well it’s not like we didn’t get a vamp tonight.”

“More ways than one for you, Love.”

“Rolling in the laughter here. So what do you think about the basement?”

“Let’s see this passage.”

Buffy went over to the lever, “Here we go,” she said as she flipped it.

“Sweet little addition, too bad it’s not a wardrobe.”

Buffy smirked, “We could always replace the shelves.”

“What do you want to do down here?”

“I was thinking it could be your ‘Spike-Space’. You know, a day time hangout complete with tunnel access.”

Spike made a circuit around the large space including the bathroom and utility/laundry room, “Needs some work, some comfy furniture, TV, put a fridge down here. Be almost like my crypt in Sunnydale.”

“Except with a bathroom and laundry!”

“Yeah what’s with that anyway?”

“Oh come on, laundry in the basement isn’t that weird.”

“I’m used to that. Bloody hell, I slept in close proximity to your little Fluff-n’-Fold for weeks. I’m talking about the full bath. Other side the same?”

“Pretty close, it’s arranged a little differently because of the tunnel but it’s basically the same.”

“Wonder if they put it in because of the tunnel. You know, kill a baddie, get all nasty and have a shower waiting right here next to the laundry.”

“Makes sense. Then they just did the same thing over there for symmetry? Then why isn’t it symmetrical?” Buffy shook her head and shrugged, you know what, it doesn’t matter. It’s awesome and had I known what it looked like in here to begin with, I’m not sure I would have ever gone to Rome.”

“Now she says,” Spike rolled his eyes.

“So are you in?”

“Course I am. Clearly you love it and I couldn’t hope for anything better. We’re going to be here longer than expected now so we might as well get started on it.”

Buffy beamed at him.

“God I love that smile, I’d do anything to make you happy,” he said softly as he cupped her cheek in his hand.

“You deserve to be happy too.”

“I really don’t, but thanks for saying it, Love.”

***** ****** *****

When Spike and Buffy returned to the castle that night, only Faith hadn’t returned yet. Most of the girls had already turned in for the night but a few, all four of the Level 4 girls that is, were still up.

“Uhh oh, what’s going on here?” Buffy asked when she saw them huddled in a corner.

“Everything alright?” Spike asked.

“Hey, Buffy, Spike…” Zari hedged, “We just wanted to touch base with you. How’s Mr. Giles doing?”

“He’s going to be fine, he should be home tomorrow, depending on some test results. Faith and I will go get him.”

She nodded, “Glad to hear it.”

“How did it go tonight? I didn’t get any calls so I’m guessing it went ok,” Buffy said as she and Spike sat down on the couch together. Buffy absentmindedly rested her arm on his leg as she leaned over in her seat. Spike sat back relaxed and placed a hand on the small of her back.

“Yeah, kinda slow actually. My group got two,” Zari offered.

“Three,” Wendy said, holding up three fingers for emphasis.

“Two for us,” said Addison.

“Two for us too,” Ursula added.

“See, including the one Spike and I got at the hospital that makes ten, total.”

“Not such a slow night after all,” Spike drawled.

“We’ll have to see how things went for Faith.”

“You got one at the hospital? While you were there with Mr. Giles?” Zari asked.

“Down in the morgue, it happens,” she rolled her shoulder tensely and Spike moved his hand to start massaging it for her, “Any injuries or anything weird to report?”

“Nothing any of us haven’t all had in training,” said Ursula.

“And your thoughts on team building?”

All four girls looked around at each other, “It was alright,” Ursula said.

“The girls are so— headstrong,” Wendy blurted out.

“I didn’t have any issues with Ava, Cora, or Aretta,” Addison countered.

“That’s good, I’m glad things went well for you tonight, but you don’t learn from smooth sailing. I’m planning on continued group sessions like this. We’ve been teaching you how to be individuals, the way we were taught. But I think this is important too. According to the records, I was the first Slayer to really have a group of friends working by my side. I can honestly tell you that I would have been dead a long time ago if it weren’t for my friends.”

“Would have, Love?”

“Spike is right. In fact I have died, twice. Both times my friends brought me back. The first time with CPR, the second time— well that was more—-“

“Devastating? Heart wrenching?” Spike offered.

“I was going with ‘complicated’.”

“Well yeah, it was that.”

“You were there?” Addison asked Spike.

“Tried to be, wasn’t.”

“You were there when it counted,” she patted the inside of his knee, “The point is, that without my friends, I would have just been one more dead Slayer. I wouldn’t have gotten to the point I am now in my life. You girls wouldn’t have gotten your power if I didn’t have these amazing people by my side.”

“So what’s next in our training?”

Buffy glanced at Spike, “It’s sort of a project. I have our witch working on the safety angle now and we’ll let you know soon.”

“In the meantime, you should probably work on getting to know your teammates a little better. What do you think, Pet, a little community service project?” Spike suggested.

Buffy smiled, “I like the way you think. Smart and sexy.”

“Dunno about smart, Love.”

Wendy and Zari snickered.

Buffy rolled her eyes, “Anyway we have a few things we could use help with, and I think this might be a good non-slayer way for you to get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and how to control your power in everyday situations.”

“What are you going to have us do?”

Buffy grinned as she straightened herself up, pressing into Spike as she did so, “You’re going to help us start our home renovation project.”

All four of the girls looked at them like, “What?” They said at once with very different inflections.

Addison and Zari both looked as though Christmas had come early. Ursula seemed utterly disinterested until she caught sight of her girlfriend’s face beaming back at her, “Oh all right, she mumbled.”

Wendy on the other hand, “You must be joking. You’re going to have us do physical labor? Slaying is one thing but labor…” she scoffed.

“No, I’m not and yes, I am. Slayers often find themselves in unfamiliar situations. Either on the job or helping out a friend. It’s important for you guys to get outside of your comfort zones and create these lasting relationships. Spike and I have friends around the world. If one of them calls needing help we would be there, no questions asked, because we know that they would be there for us too.”

Spike coughed dramatically, “LA!”

Buffy glared at him, “That was different, I thought Angel had gone all dark-side and I didn’t even know you were alive.”

“Peaches was playing it pretty close to the vest on that one.”

“I would have answered the phone for you, you know.”

“Paris…”

Buffy sighed, “Vacation… I was screening calls… and you’re not helping,” she glared at him. Spike ignored her. “Ok so yeah sometimes people have stuff going on and sometimes you have to make a judgement call, and it’s not always the right one. That’s also why it’s important to have a seriously long contact list. When you leave here, I want you to know you have people here you can rely on when things get tough, like apocalypse tough. Because we’ve seen a few. I really want you guys to still think of this castle as someplace you guys can come back to for help or to continue training. So yes I am going to have you doing a variety of things in your groups starting with cleaning up the house on the edge of the property.”

“When are we going to start this?” Wendy asked.

“Tomorrow morning. I think we’ll split you up. Two groups in the house and two in the training rooms. That way you’re all set when Faith and I have to go get Giles. Spike will be around but you know, sunlight is kind of a problem. So he won’t be making any outside trips.”

“Too right.”

“I thought vampires were supposed to sleep during the day.”

“Sleep when I can get the bloody kip.”

Buffy patted Spike’s leg, “Speaking of, time for bed, all of you.”

***** ****** ******

Soon the girls were upstairs and Spike and Buffy were alone. Buffy leaned back against Spike getting comfortable, “Spike?”

“Humm?”

“Think we should wait up for Faith?”

“Could watch some telly.”

Buffy reached for the remote, “Here, you pick.”

“Tired, Pet?”

“Long day.”

“Come here, Love,” he murmured as he readjusted on the couch so they could both lay more comfortably.

“Don’t mind if I do,” she said, curling up close to him. He turned on the TV and started searching for something to watch.

“Thank you.”

“What for, Love?” He asked absentmindedly.

“Being here, with me.”

He stroked the hair from her forehead, “No place I’d rather be, Pet. Now get some sleep, I’ll wait up for Faith.”

It was almost two hours later before Faith returned to the castle. Spike was watching an old horror film when she walked into the living room.

“Spike? You in here?”

Spike pulled himself up a little on the couch trying not to disturb Buffy, “Yeah, how was your night?” He asked in a hushed tone.

Faith came around the back of the couch they were on to sit down on the other couch. “Oh hey man, I didn’t realize Buffy was down here.”

“No worries, she was doing a mother-hen when the day caught up to her.”

“Figures.”

“Bag any monsters?”

“Two, you?”

“One. Makes a round dozen for team Slayer tonight.”

“Girls did good huh?”

“Yup. Went so well Buffy is keeping them in their groups for other stuff too.”

“Nice,” Faith looked around the room and glanced at the TV, “What’s this one?”

“What, this? ‘Horror of Dracula’, stumbled onto a Christopher Lee marathon.”

“So what, is this like nostalgia for you or more like a cooking show?”

“Sort of lost the thrill for the kill… mostly. More like a reminder of how much I hate that wanker Dracula, but yeah I am getting a wee bit peckish now you mention it.”

Faith gestured towards Buffy laying practically on top of him, “Looks like she’s got you pretty well pinned down.”

“Except she weighs about nothing,” Spike nudged her awake, “Up you get, sweetheart. Faith’s home safe and sound.”

Buffy mumbled “Oh good…”

“Hey there sleepyhead,” Faith chuckled, “Probably going to be another long one tomorrow.”

Buffy shook her head sleepily, “Got it covered, got a set-it-and-forget-it plan for the girls tomorrow.”

“Crock-pot teaching?”

Buffy yawned, “Ahh huhh…”

“That’s enough of that, let’s get you upstairs, Love.” Buffy groaned in protest as Spike gently pushed her up to stand. “You’ll thank me in the morning, Goldilocks.”

“I know…” she groaned again.

“I’m down for some serious sack time for sure,” Faith said standing up, “but I need food.”

“You hungry, Love?”

“Need…sleep…” Buffy said in a zombie impression.

Spike chuckled, “Bed it is for you then.”

“I can find our room all on my own, you stay. Eat.”

“Yeah alright, night, Beautiful,” he kissed her, “I’ll be up in a bit.”

“Night,” she replied, yawning.

The three of them walked together as far as the entryway, Buffy broke away from them and went upstairs while Spike and Faith went into the kitchen.

“She ok?” Faith asked as she dug around in the fridge for some leftovers. She set a couple of beers and a container of blood down on the work table in the kitchen.

“Ta, love,” he said, pouring some blood into a big mug. He popped it into the microwave for a few seconds and cracked open the beer Faith had set out for him. “Yeah, she’s just… she says she’s all healed up but I think the ribs are still a little sore. You know slayers. She just isn’t quite back to full strength yet.”

“Sure you didn’t knock her up, screwing like bunnies since you got back.”

Spike sipped his beer, “You off your trolley? Hello, vampire. Dead man walking. Blanks only. Not going to happen.”

“We’ve seen stranger things.”

“Not that, can’t happen,” He said, taking a drink of blood.

“It’s happened before,” Faith shrugged, “Course that was one vampire knocking up another, not a slayer,” she said, taking a drink of her beer.

“What are you on about?”

“Thought you knew. You mean you don’t know?”

“Clearly not.”

“Shit… I just thought...”

Spike finished the blood in the mug and set it down, “What’s this bollocks you’re on about, out with it…”

Faith took a deep breath, “Angel, has a kid…”

“Bollocks- If Angel had a kid I’d know about it.”

“Kid’s only about two or something but he looks like a teenager.”

“I just left him in LA…hang on…” Spike took a long drink switching back to the beer. Thinking, he shook his head, “That just can’t be right… how the hell could that even happen?”

Faith shrugged, “All I know is what Wes told me just before I came back to Sunny-D. Some kind of prophecy BS I guess.”

“Who the hell was the mum?”

“Some vamp, name a Darla.”

“Oh I know Darla alright. Angel’s sire. My great-grand-sire if you will. We all ran together when I was young… Angel staked her once. They brought her back as human and got Drusilla to re-vamp her.”

“Yeah we’ll apparently after that she and Angel got busy and then she staked herself so Connor could live.”

“Connor… Connor… I know that name… there was something about a kid at Wolfram and Hart… what was it?” He paused thinking, “I wasn’t really around much for that, but I did overhear something. I didn’t understand what it was all about at the time, but now… I bet that’s what they were talking about. Does this have to do with the soul? What is he anyway?”

“Near as I can tell… Well I don’t really know what the hell he is.”

“Human?”

“Ish… seems so. Definitely alive. Kid can fight, track like a vamp, seriously strong. Don’t know much else about him.”

“And just because Mr. Forehead knocked up Darla, you think- no, no, no… Not possible… I don’t know how the bloody hell he has a kid, but no. It’s not… I’m not… I can’t… Buffy— Oh hell. Does Buffy know about this?”

“Hell if I know. Willow met the kid so I assume Buffy probably does. But then if you didn’t… Dude, I didn’t mean to cause trouble in paradise.”

“Bloody hell.”

Faith shook her head, “Not like it makes much difference does it? I mean you two got the mutual crazies going on. If you’re worried, talk to her.”

Spike grunted non-committedly.

“So run me through this training plan you two got going on?”

Spike proceeded to fill Faith in on the last minute training plan Buffy came up with.

That night after finishing his conversation with Faith, they each went up to their respective bedrooms. Spike stood for a long moment watching Buffy sleep. His head hurt from the earlier conversation with Faith. He went over to the roll top desk and poured himself a drink. Then sat down on one of the chairs in front of the fire facing towards the bed and Buffy.

He was having trouble getting his head around the idea that Angel, his grand-sire and the only other vampire with a soul, had a kid… what if somehow having a soul made it possible… but how? What if it had something to do with their vampiric bloodline? That thought really hurt his head.

It was insane to even consider, he was dead after all. But so was Angel and Darla… and that hurt his head even more, especially Darla. Whereas Buffy was right in front of him, full of breath and life. Did that make it more or less possible? He didn’t know.

He finished his drink and got up to pour another. The other thing that was bothering him was the idea that Buffy might have known but hadn’t said anything to him about it. He needed some air.

Spike grabbed his long leather jacket and the new MP3 player Buffy had got him and headed out into the orchard for a smoke. It was a clear warm night, the stars were out. Spike laid down in the grass and took a long drag of his cigarette taking the time to clear his head. He put the earphones in and cranked up the volume on Sid Vicious singing ‘Pretty Vacant’.

The fact was that vampires couldn’t reproduce, not like humans. How many years had Angel been with Darla and nothing of the sort ever happened. Because it simply isn’t possible. Same with him and Dru… something that had continued to twist Drusilla’s mind long after she had been turned. Clearly something, or maybe a lot of somethings, must have been going on to make Angel’s son even remotely possible. He laid there in the grass listening to song after song letting the words and music roll over in his mind.

The Ramones, ‘I Wanna Be Sedated’ came on as he took another drag of his cigarette. That had to be it, there had to be other factors involved, he thought. Surely it couldn’t just ‘happen’, that was just crazy. Then again… what if? He rolled his eyes at the thought, “Bloody hell, what am I doing?” he swore to himself as he got up.

Spike continued walking around the orchard and the large area they used for training grounds. ‘Are Everything’ by the Buzzcocks came on next. He lit up another cigarette as he continued to listen. The song ended and he dropped the cigarette butt, stomping it into the ground under his boot. “Oh sod this rot,” he said as he made his way back into the castle and upstairs to their bedroom. He stood in the doorway watching her. Buffy was still curled up on her side, fast asleep.

Spike sighed as he shoved the MP3 player into his jacket pocket and threw his jacket down on the back of the chair he had sat in earlier. He walked around to his side of the bed and stripped down to his boxers as usual before he climbed in. Pressing in close to Buffy, he wrapped an arm around her holding her to him. Chances were that he was just getting worked up over nothing.

***** ***** *****

In the morning Buffy gingerly slipped out from under Spike’s arm. She felt like crap as she started getting dressed for the day. She made her way into the bathroom and took a couple of pain relievers for her pounding head. Maybe breakfast would help.

Buffy went downstairs to grab something to eat and was surprised when Faith came in shortly after her.

“Morning,” Buffy yawned just as the coffee pot made a beeping sound.

Faith only waved sleepily and staggered over to the coffee pot. She poured them each a cup, threw some bread in the toaster and sat down across from Buffy and her bowl of cereal. They sat in silence for several minutes. Buffy finished her cereal and turned her attention to her own cup of coffee, drinking it slowly. After a few sips she broke the silence, “One of us should stick close to a phone today. I already told the older girls the general plan.”

“Spike filled me in last night. He came back down after you went to bed.”

Buffy nodded and sipped her coffee.

Faith eyed her, “How you feeling?”

“Me? Fine now, little rough getting up this morning. Stupid headache. Think I hit my head harder than I thought I did last night when that vamp knocked me down.”

Faith nodded, “Been there.”

There was a wave of commotion coming from the main staircase. Buffy stood up, “For the love of all things holy, here come the locust.”

Faith chuckled, “Damn B, you’re savage this morning.”

“Nothing another cup of coffee can’t fix.”

Shortly after breakfast, Faith and Buffy ushered the girls out the back door off of the kitchen into the training grounds behind the castle. It was a nicer day than either one of them had expected so instead of starting out in the training rooms they decided to complete morning exercises on the grounds before splitting the girls up into their teams as Buffy had originally planned. This way at least they were able to leave the kitchen door open so they could hear the phone ringing in case Giles or his doctor called from the hospital.

After the morning exercises Buffy took Addison and Wendy’s groups over to the duplex. Buffy was eager to get the girls started on getting the place cleaned out. First she had a couple of the girls go into the small stone garden-shed just off of the castle where the lawn equipment such as the tractor and other supplies were kept. She was really hoping they would find some extra cleaning supplies in there. Fortunately she was not disappointed. The girls came back with two large buckets, a couple of brooms, a pair of dust pans and a large paper grocery bag full of rags. It was enough to get them started at least.

Buffy gave the girls a cursory tour of the building, going over what she expected and set a team up on each side of the house. She had planned on having them start in the attic and work their way down, thus getting them started on cleaning out the worst of the dirt and debris. There were some complaints at first from some of the younger girls but Buffy shut them down quickly.

Buffy, for her part, split her time between the two sides keeping tabs on what was going on while simultaneously checking to see if Faith was still outside with the girls. Faith had her two groups , headed by Ursula and Zari, in the training ground splitting off into pairs practising moves. After several minutes of that she had the girls practice fighting in different configurations to get them accustomed to taking on multiple opponents at the same time.

It wasn’t until after 11:00am when Giles called. His doctor had been in to discuss his test results. He was sending him home that afternoon with a prescription for blood pressure medication. As well as strict instructions to rest with his leg elevated as much as possible. With the phone call, Faith called the girls and Buffy in for an early lunch break and to get the groups switched. Addison and Wendy’s groups were now practicing taking on multiple opponents and Ursula and Zari’s groups picked up where the first groups had left off in the duplex.

Before they left for the hospital Buffy went upstairs to wake Spike and let him know they were going. She was surprised to find he wasn’t in bed. Buffy opened the bathroom door, the shower was running.

“Spike?”

“Who else would be in here?” He grumbled.

“No need to get all pissy, just letting you know Faith and I are heading out to go get Giles.”

“Yeah alright, Love.”

“What’s up with you? Did you sleep okay?”

“Not particularly, Pet.”

“That sucks.”

Spike pulled the shower curtain aside to look at her, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, you?”

Spike turned off the water, grabbed this towel, stepped out of the shower and glared at her but didn’t argue. He shrugged one shoulder as he started drying his hair with the towel, “Sure you’re feeling alright?”

“If I had the time I would be…” Buffy mumbled as she watched him. Spike looked up into the bathroom mirror to see her staring at the blank spot where his reflection should have been. He grinned as she shook her head, “What was the question?”

He let out a low chuckle, “I was just asking if you were feeling alright, nothing out of the usual?”

“I woke up with a headache and starting to get a little crampy if you must know, but other than that I feel great, why?”

He looked at her, “Forget it, Pet, I’m alright.”

“Get some clothes on. The girls are all either outside or in the house so really not much you can do. Just go downstairs, stay close in case anybody hollers,” she shrugged.

“Yeah, alright. Doubt they’ll be much trouble though. Probably just watch some Telly.”

“Laundry is a good option too, you know. Could seriously use some clean underwear.”

Spike grinned, “I don’t mind the alternative.”

She swatted him playfully, “Gross. Now come on, it’s not like you don’t know how.”

“Yeah, yeah. No worries I’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you.” She gave him a quick kiss, “You better.”

***** ***** ******

Spike was lying on the couch watching ‘The Comedy of Terrors’, starring Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone, and Boris Karloff, when they got Giles home from the hospital. Spike paused the movie and helped gather some pillows while Buffy set him down on the second couch. Giles gritted his teeth as Buffy stacked some of the throw pillows Spike handed her and tried to help him get comfortable. “Is that better?” She asked.

“Yes, thank you,” he said with a pained sigh.

Faith stood off to the side reading a paper from the hospital, “The nurse did say he’d be due for his pain meds when we got home. How ya feeling G?”

“I believe the young lady was quite correct.”

“I’ll get you some water,” Faith said, exiting the room.

“I do wish I were in my own bed,” Giles said a little grumpily.

Buffy sat down at the end of the couch by Giles’ feet, “It’s not going to be for long. We’ll get the elevator fixed. It won’t eliminate the stairs for you but it will cut them down and make things a little easier. So for now, you are just going to have to stay right here.”

Faith came back in with a glass of water and a little bell she found in the kitchen, “Here ya go, in case you needed anything. We’ll make sure someone is around. We were planning on taking the girls out, Wednesday but we can reschedule, it’s not like it’s a big deal.”

Giles laughed weakly as he accepted the bell from her, “I’m not an invalid you know. I can give Zara a call, her daughter often watches the store for her so there’s a good chance she can come over if needed.”

“I’d feel a lot better having someone here, since I’m going to be out too,” Faith reassured him. She handed him his medication and a glass of water, “Take those.”

“Now you get some rest, watch the movie with Spike. That’s an order. We have to go to check on the girls to see how they’re doing,” Buffy said as she patted him on the knee.

“Aww but mom!” Spike moaned mockingly as Buffy passed him.

She rolled her eyes, “Play nice with the other Englishman. If you’re a good vampire maybe you’ll get a cookie.”

Spike grinned and laughed, “We’ll be fine, Pet. Although I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to that cookie.”

“No clean socks, no cookies.”

“Load in the dryer and one in the wash.”

“Cookies it is.”

“Please let that not be a euphemism,” Giles said, removing his glasses.

“You’ve been through enough lately, we’ll spare you the naughty talk, this is seriously just about laundry.”

“Thank goodness,” Giles mumbled.

“Play nice you two,” Buffy said before heading out of the room with Faith.

Giles turned to the TV for the first time, “What monstrosity are you watching anyway?” He asked, “Good lord, is that Basil Rathbone? I loved him as Sherlock Holmes.”

“This ‘monstrosity’ as you put it, is a classic. Are you seriously telling me you’ve never seen this?” Spike asked incredulously.

“I— I might have years ago.”

“That’s it, I'm starting it over! I’m not that far in any way. And you call yourself an educated man,” Spike said, shaking his head.

***** ***** *****

Buffy and Faith made their way out to the training grounds. The girls were still hard at work.

“Addison, Wendy, front and centre,” Faith called. The two girls broke away as the mock fight they were currently conducting ended.

“What do ya need?” Wendy asked.

“Has everybody gone through all the fight configurations?”

“We have two more left,” Addison answered.

“Okay good, you guys finish up those two configurations and then hit the showers. Call it a day.”

The two Level 4 girls ran back to their groups and got back to work.

Faith turned to face Buffy, “They’re looking good. I think splitting them up in groups like this was a good idea. I had my doubts at first but it seems to be working out alright.”

Buffy put her hands on her hips and turned towards the duplex, “I guess you’re the only one that hasn’t seen it yet, huhh?”

“Guess so.”

“Alright let’s go fix that. I wanna see how far they got anyway.”

As they walked over to the duplex Buffy continued talking, “So what do you think about having Callum take a look at this project while he’s here tomorrow?”

Faith nodded, “I kind of figured you would. I’ll give Callum a call and see what he says. It might depend on how long the elevator takes but if it’s just a walk-through it should be okay.”

“Thanks, tell him I’d appreciate it.”

“Will do,” Faith hesitated a moment, “About Callum…”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He knows… about us, Slayers…”

“He knows? You mean you’ve barely started dating the guy and you told him?”

“It sounds a whole lot worse than it is.”

Buffy stopped walking and looked at Faith aghast “Get explainy then.”

Faith went on to explain about Callum’s Aunt and how his mom overheard the conversation at the store.

Buffy’s jaw dropped a little, “You’re kidding me.”

“Nope, I'm afraid not. Guess we need to be more careful talking in shops. Who knew the acoustics were that good?”

Buffy let out a little whistle, “I guess it could’ve been worse, could’ve been a bad guy.”

“Yeah I think we lucked out on that one. From the sound of it Callum‘s mom has protected her sister’s secret all these years, even from his dad.”

“We might need to go back to her shop.”

“I was kind of thinking the same thing, but probably not for a while.”

Buffy started walking again, “How are things going with you and Callum anyway? You never said how your date was.”

“We made plans for tomorrow after they finish with the elevator.”

“Nice.”

“If he screws half as good as he kisses we might be there all week.”

Buffy looked at her again, “Surprised you haven’t done it already. Thought that was kinda your thing.”

“It is, for both of us… but we kind of decided we want to go slower with this one,” Faith added a little sheepishly.

Buffy grinned, “Yeah?”

“Third date rules.”

“So here’s the question, is this date number two or three?”

Faith couldn’t suppress her grin and bit her lip uncharacteristically, “Oh, we’re definitely calling tomorrow night date number three. I am going over to his place. As long as you and Spike are going to be okay with Giles. Are you still planning on taking the girls into the tunnels?”

“Yeah that’s the plan. Wil should have something for me by tonight and as long as Giles is comfortably squared away it should be alright but I think I’ll call his maybe-girlfriend Zara and see if she can check on him while we’re gone. Are you spending the whole day over there?”

“He has to work in the afternoon.”

“Playing on a school night, better not keep him up too late, he might have to call in sick.” Buffy teased.

Faith grinned, “Pretty damn sure he’s going to need to anyway,” she laughed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve locked lips with a lot of guys, a lot… but damn, that boy…”

“That good huh?”

“I can’t even describe it B, it was super intense, like-“

“Electric?”

“You and Spike?”

“Oh yeah, big time. Not our first time around though… I think a soul is kind of a prerequisite for that kind of connection. First time we kissed post-ensoulment was…”

“Electric?”

“Still is.”

“Are you talking like soulmate type stuff here?”

“I dunno, maybe… I guess it would sort of make a kind of sense. I’m not really sure… I know I didn’t feel like this until after he got his soul, so yeah maybe that’s exactly what it is,” she jerked a shoulder.

“So you think this ‘electric’ thing means Callum and I are soulmates?” She asked doubtfully.

“It’s gotta mean something right? I mean in my case I’ve been in two VERY different relationships with basically the same guy. The first time was seriously toxic for both of us; this time… if I had to call it something; ‘soulmate’ would definitely be high on the short list. Spike says we’re ‘bound to each other’, I can see that too.”

“I’m just not sure if I believe in that kind of stuff. It just seems so—”

“Just give it a chance. If you two are anything like Spike and I, you’ll know pretty damn quick. I knew less than two days after we ahh, ‘reconnected’ in Sunnydale, but by then he was already gone and the dust had settled. That’s why things moved so fast between us in Paris after he came back.”

“Whatcha do, jump his bones the minute you saw him?”

“We talked first…” Buffy said, opening the door.

Faith walked inside, “Smart ass.” The entry had been swept out and the cobwebs were gone. It was already starting to look more like a home.

“If you think the electric kiss thing is good, just wait for the sex. I mean, seriously.”

“Well yeah, have you seen him? Can’t wait to see the rest of him, see what he’s hiding underneath it all. Kinda like this place, damn this is nice.”

“I’m serious. I have the benefit of a before and after comparison with Spike. Sex with soulless-Spike was… insane, super intense and seriously addictive. We’d go for hours, but it still doesn’t come close to what we have now. Now we have this… it’s like a visceral connection.”

“Don’t tell me that, I’m hanging on by a thread as it is. I haven’t been freaky with anyone since Robin. Then there’s you two going at it like animals in heat. I’m dying over here. Which side first?”

Buffy went to the left side she and Spike had already claimed as theirs, “Yeah, well pace yourself.”

“I think I know my way around a guy, thanks.”

“I’m not just talking about sex, not the physical. It’s way more than that. It’s emotional too. Not the same thing, but I guess you’ll find out the hard way.”

“Thanks for the concern and the sex lecture but I think I got this, B.”

“Fine, you do what you want. I just don’t want you freaking out when you figure out what it’s like when you go beyond just sex.”

“Can we just drop it? Let’s look at this love shack of yours.”

Buffy shrugged, “Here we go.”

The two of them spent almost an hour talking, discussing the house and the projects that would need professional help and the ones they might be able to do themselves. They checked on the girls and their progress. The initial cleaning was coming along really quickly. If the girls kept up this pace Buffy might be able to have them rip out the old carpeting before the end of the week. Faith found the tunnel in the basement just as fascinating as Buffy had. The tour of the other side went much faster and by the time they were finished Buffy was ready to call it a day. She sent all the girls to get cleaned up. The day seemed to fly by and by the time they had all showered and ate dinner, Buffy was ready for patrol with Spike that night.

#buffy the vampire slayer #bound #buffy fanfic #buffy x spike #fanfic #spuffy #spike x buffy

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