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fragileheartbeats · 22 days

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⌗ AEGON II TARGARYEN HC ⁝ Him as your toxic boyfriend ( ♱ )

˚꒰♡꒱‧ Hi there! Before you read this, you should know that English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who stalks you everywhere you go, taking pictures and videos of you without your knowledge or consent. He keeps a detailed scrapbook of these memories, meticulously arranged and annotated with his twisted thoughts and desires.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a habit of showing up unannounced and uninvited, always finding a way to weasel his way into your life despite your best efforts to keep him at arm's length. He leaves gifts and notes for you, each one more disturbing and obsessive than the last.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who becomes violently jealous whenever you so much as glance at another man. He'll go to great lengths to eliminate the competition, including but not limited to threats, intimidation, and physical violence.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a habit of breaking into your home, often while you're sleeping. He'll watch you from the shadows, taking in every detail of your body and your movements. Sometimes, he'll even touch you while you sleep, leaving you feeling confused in the morning.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a dark and twisted past, filled with violence and trauma. He's been in and out of mental institutions for years, never quite able to shake the demons that haunt him. You try to help him, to be there for him, but it's never enough. He always spirals back into his old ways.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a strange fascination with blood and gore. He'll often cut himself, just to see the blood flow. Sometimes, he'll even cut you, just to see how you react. It's not malicious, he just can't help himself.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a morbid fascination with death. He'll often talk about dying, about how he wishes he could just end it all and be done with it. But then he'll turn around and tell you how much he loves you, how he could never live without you. It's a never-ending cycle of manipulation and control.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a history of harming himself, often in extreme and violent ways. He'll cut himself, burn himself, even break his own bones. And when you try to intervene, he'll push you away, telling you that it's none of your business.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a twisted sense of humor, often making jokes that are in poor taste and crossing the line. He'll laugh at tragedies, mock the suffering of others. You try to ignore it, to see the good in him, but it's hard to look past the darkness that consumes him.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a habit of pushing your boundaries, testing to see how far he can go before you break. He'll manipulate and coerce you into doing things you're not comfortable with, always justifying it by saying that he loves you and that he knows what's best for you.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a history of abuse, both physical and emotional. He's been on both sides of the coin, both the abuser and the abused. It's a vicious cycle that he can't seem to break, and it's starting to take its toll on you.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a habit of taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. He'll manipulate you into giving him what he wants, always using guilt and manipulation as his weapons. You try to stand up for yourself, but it's hard when he knows exactly which buttons to push.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a twisted and warped view of love and relationships. He believes that love is about ownership and control, that you belong to him and him alone. He can't understand why you would want anything else, why you would want to be with anyone else.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a habit of lashing out in violence and anger, often for no reason at all. He's quick to anger, quick to blame. You try to soothe him, to calm him down, but it's like trying to tame a wild beast.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a morbid fascination with the concept of possession. He believes that you belong to him, that you are his property to do with as he pleases. He'll often say things like 'you're mine' and 'I own you' with a chilling grin on his face.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a habit of invading your personal space, always standing too close, touching you too much. He can't seem to understand the concept of boundaries, and it's starting to make you feel uncomfortable.

𝓣𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷 who has a twisted and warped sense of entitlement. He believes that he deserves you, that he has a right to you. He'll often say things like 'I deserve to be happy' and 'you're the only one who can make me happy' with a self-righteous tone.

You sit in your room, staring blankly at the wall, when you hear the door slowly creak open. You don't even need to turn around to know who it is. He's the only one who ever enters your room without knocking.

'Hey, beautiful,' he says, his voice dripping with false sweetness. You don't respond. You've learned that it's better to just stay silent. He walks over to you, his footsteps heavy on the hardwood floor. He reaches out, running his fingers through your hair. You flinch at his touch, but he doesn't seem to notice.

'You know I love it when you're quiet,' he murmurs, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek. 'It makes it so much easier to do what I want.'

You feel a knot form in your stomach as he says those words. You know what's coming next. You've been through this before. But no matter how many times it happens, you can't seem to bring yourself to leave him.

Tears stream down your face, but you can't help the thrill that runs through you at his words. You belong to him, and there's nothing you can do about it.

You sob as he starts to tear at your clothes, not caring if he hurts you in the process. You're his, and he's going to take what he wants, regardless of your feelings or boundaries.

As he thrusts inside you, you cry out in pain, but he doesn't seem to notice. He's lost in his own darkness, and you're just a willing participant in his twisted games.

Afterwards, he rolls off of you and lights a cigarette, not even bothering to look at you. You sit up, wincing as you try to cover the bruises he's left on your body.

But even as you hate him, you can't help but feel a twisted sense of love for him. He's broken and damaged, and you can't help but want to fix him. But the more you try, the more you realize that he's beyond repair. You're trapped in a toxic and abusive relationship, and there's no escape in sight.

'Why do you do this to me?' you whisper, your voice hoarse from crying.

He looks at you, his eyes cold and empty. 'Because I can,' he says simply. 'Because I want to.'

And with that, he gets up and leaves, leaving you alone in your misery. You know that the cycle will continue, that this is your life now. You're a prisoner in your own relationship, and there's no way out.

But even as you despair, a small part of you still hopes that things will get better. That he'll change. That he'll see how much he's hurting you and stop.

But deep down, you know that's never going to happen.

MASTERLIST

@ 𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔 . 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑒, 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡, 𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑠 𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑏𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠.

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the-common-cowgirl · 4 months

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Pairings: Modern Aemond Targaryen x (Third Person) AFAB Reader

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Major Character Death, Minor Character Death, Hurt/No Comfort, Angst, Longing, Fluff, Smut (Not Graphic), Some Swearing, Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics, Unhealthy Coping Methods, Depression

Word Count: 8266

Author’s Note: A modern Aemond smutty/fluffy One-Shot won the Valentine’s Day poll. I thought to myself, “what is more fluffy than a love that is only halted by death?” This fic is based on my favorite song “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” by George Jones.

“I’ll love you till I die.”

She turned to him, looking down and blushing. Sunlight danced through her lively hair as he gazed up at her from where his head rested on the blanket. “Is that so, Aemond Targaryen?”

He hummed, closing his eyes and smiling thoughtfully. The breeze was warm atop the hill they rested on. “You question my love?” His eye peeked open ever so slightly to see the silhouette of her face before the right shining sun, and because of this, he didn’t see her smile falter before feigning once more.

“We ought to get back. Mum will be looking for me-”

“She’ll never find us out here.” The tall prairie grass blew gently in the breeze. A sudden chill rode the wind and met them atop the hill above the town.

“It’s cold,” she stated plainly, looking around and rubbing her arms.

Aemond rose to a sitting position before encapsulating her in his arms and pulling her down atop him back onto the blanket. He felt her chest rise against his own, then exhaling a long sigh.

Something was wrong. Her demeanor was solemn today; like she wanted nothing more than to be alone; something Aemond could not comprehend now. He needed her like the late July crops needed rain. He couldn’t spend these last two weeks of summer vacation apart. He required her soft skin on his, her warm breath against his lips. His heart demanded to be fully enveloped in her until they separated; until that very last moment.

“I don’t want to leave.” His hand wove into her hair, brushing through the locks tenderly as he confessed to her his feelings; more often he felt: his sins. The long battles arguing with his mother and grandfather about his future had been futile but that didn’t sway Aemond from initiating them. Pleading with them to let him attend University closer to home so he didn’t have to leave her.

She moved to sit up but Aemond held her down gently against him with his arms holding tighter; not being able to bear the thought of her warmth leaving his chest.

“Aemond,” she warned, “I don’t want to talk about this. You’re leaving. It’s settled.” She laid back down with her cheek against his chest. He wondered silently for a moment if she could hear how his heart beat for her.

“I could stay,” he reasoned absentmindedly; knowing that there was no scenario in which he could keep his word to her and not be disowned by his family. “I could stay here with you.” The words leave his chest empty. Aemond knows it’s a desperate lie.

She doesn’t respond and for some reason, he’s grateful for that. The thought of giving her false hope makes him feel a deep guilt in his bones. He wished he never said it, yet, the words linger in the air, ignored.

“Give me your phone,” she says as she rises from his chest to look him in the eye. Her soft smile warms him against the cold front closing in. “I want to take a picture of us. Here and now. I want this memory to last.”

Aemond reaches into his pocket, extracting his phone and hands it to her with a sly smirk. She leans back against his chest and raises the phone with both hands. He sees her pretty smile on the screen of the phone and instinctively looks down at her resting against his chest to see her in real time. She clicks the picture button before he can look at the camera and they laugh as they look at the picture, her smiling with him looking at her. “I’ll delete it and we can take another one-”

“No,” he protests, grabbing his phone from her before she could erase the moment from history, “I love it.”

She turns around smiling at him, before her eyes advert to behind Aemond and her smile drops from her face. “We ought to go now. It looks like the front is coming in.”

Aemond turns around to see the dark clouds and what looks like a wall of rain closing in fast. The wind picks up against the grass upon their hill, almost flattening it. Their pink and red plaid blanket lifts up, threatening to fly away if it hadn’t been for their weight upon it holding it down. Aemond turns to her, offering his hand, “Let’s go.” A pain in his heart grows steadily as they descend the hill.

Their picture is the first thing Aemond unpacks in his dorm at Oldtown when he finally has everything moved in his room. The day is rainy as he calls her; she picks up on the first ring.

“Hello?”

He smiles and settles himself against the headboard of his bed, “Hey. I’m all settled in. How are things at home?”

He hears her sigh, “Mum’s angry that I picked up an extra shift tonight but I’m bored without you here.”

Her boredom makes his heart warm. Her boredom makes him feel wanted, loved. He feels selfish for smiling. “Well, countdown the days until fall break. That’s when your boredom will end and fun begins again.”

His new roommate enters the room, Aemond gives him a nod and his roommate makes an attempt to be quiet as he unpacks his suitcase. He suddenly feels as though he should get off the phone and introduce himself. “Hey, uh, I need to go but I’ll call you later. Okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure, Bye. Love you.” Her voice is uncertain.

“Love you, bye.”

Late summer turns into fall. The leaves turn from greens to vibrant reds and oranges, before falling and beginning their ceremonious rot. Aemond drives back for fall break and the first place he stops when he returns is her home. He knocks on her door with a rose in hand and it takes nearly a minute before her mother answers and Aemond politely asks for her with the rose still hidden behind.

“Oh, I’m sorry Aemond. She’s got a new job. Did she not tell you? She’s working during the day now.”

Disbelief races across Aemond’s mind, followed shortly by pain in his heart. “Uh no, he drops the hand holding the rose slightly, “she didn’t.”

Her mother offers him a soft, knowing smile before letting him know what time she’d be back from work. Aemond thanks her before descending down the front steps as the door closes behind him. November air swirls coldly around him as he walks back to his car.

The rose sits waiting in the passenger seat as Aemond sits in the driver’s side and waits the hours he feels he has until her eventual arrival, a total of four hours after she supposedly clocked out.

When she gets off the bus, Aemond bounds out of his car with a newfound vigor, excited to see her again despite the hours he’d waited. “Hey,” he says excitedly and she turns with a puzzled look on her face. His arms envelop her before she can register his presence and he squeezes her gently before releasing. On her face, a shocked expression remains as she offers an breathy smile.

“Aemond! I didn’t know you were coming back today,” her voice holds little animation as she fixes her hair.

He disregards her lack of excitement. “I wanted to surprise you,” he holds out the rose that waited for her all these hours; wilted slightly. “Your mom told me you were working a new job? When did you get a new job? You didn’t tell me about that.”

She shifts, the wind blows a lock of her hair free and it tickles across her face. Her hand comes up to remove the hair and tucks it behind her ear again. “I didn’t want to bother you with it. You’re pretty busy with your studies and all-”

Aemond shakes his head, silver hair blowing gently in the breeze. “I’m not so busy that I can’t be bothered with the updates of your life. You matter to me.” His hand reached for hers and she quickly pulled back and tucked her hands into the pockets of her coat.

“Sorry then, about that. I just assumed that I was a bother to you.”

His brows furrowed gently in confusion, “Why would you ever think that?”

She shook her head, “Nevermind. Anyway, let’s get inside. It’s cold.”

During Fall Break, the two saw much of each other, however, Aemond noticed a difference in her demeanor. The way she laughed held less mirth, her smile was softer now, less bright, her eyes didn’t crinkle the same way they used to when she smiled. Fall had made her colder.

Aemond felt as if he was doing the wrong thing leaving again, but she willed him to go; stating that everything was fine and this is what was best for their future.

Fall turned into Winter and soon, finals were over and Aemond returned home again. First, stopping at her house. As he ascended the stairs to her front porch, she opened the door greeting him in her fuzzy blue robe. His mood was ecstatic as she smiled and told him her mother and siblings were out and they had the house alone to themselves for a few hours.

His hands raced into her hair as they broke through her bedroom door in a hurried motion, desperate for the other’s touch as they fell upon the bed. His mouth fell upon her neck, her hands grasped the base of his head. “I love you,” fell from his lips as his hands found her breasts underneath her clothing and “I missed you,” tumbled from his chest as her hands found the buttons of his pants.

She only replied with breathy “I know” as he confessed to her amidst their needy coupling. He’d take what she offered him greedily and did not complain for he knew the distance put a strain on their relationship.

He entered her in one long, slow motion; reveling in the warmth of her he had missed so desperately. Her head fell back against the pillow as he seated himself deep within her, unmoving.

“Gods- Please, Aemond. Move!” She demanded so sweetly yet he denied her briefly to kiss her face and cupped it gently between his hands.

“I love you,” he said, expecting her to return the vow.

Her flushed face fell flat as she gazed at him. “Aemond-” her voice filled with regret, “I…love you too. Now please-” Her hips grinded against his own, causing his cock to rub against the velvety walls of her core and her to groan in satisfaction.

Aemond felt his heart shatter from the ingenuine enthusiasm. Surely the reason for it was desperation, not true, genuine, real feelings. Surely she was just needy, just wanting, just sexually frustrated. Of course, it had to be that he reasoned. Distance had put a strain on them both too. He recounted the nights he spilled into his hand while away, wishing it had been her. He assumed the same for her. She didn’t have the patience for words right now.

So he pleasured her, he angled himself to hit her spots the right way that had her clenching around him in white hot ecstasy in little time. Her body convulsed and squeezed him but his body didn’t respond; his mind too busy to complete.

“You didn’t?” She asked, pulling the covers around herself as he pulled from her and slipped his pants back on.

He shook his head, buttoning his jeans. “No but you did and that’s all that matters.”

He heard her sigh and returned to her bed, wrapping his arms around her and laying down. “I’m content just laying here with you, being in your presence-”

“I need to go get ready.” She stood from the bed and his embrace suddenly, his arms falling flat against the sheets with her floral scent lingering behind to comfort him.

“I thought you worked days? It’s nearly four in the evening. What do you have to do?” He sat up in her bed, studying her as she stripped down and grabbed some jeans and a sweater from her dresser.

“I’m gonna go out with some friends tonight.”

“Why?” He felt so lost and confused.

“I just-” she stopped, jaw fixed as she looked across the room and refused to make eye contact with him. “I just don’t want to be with you tonight. Y’know, I have a life outside of you. Just like you have one outside of me.”

Aemond shook his head, “You are my life. I don’t want to be anywhere except by your side.”

She scoffed before pulling on her sweater, still refusing to meet his eyes.

Hurt boiled inside him like putrid water. “I mean it. You mean everything to me.”

Her eyes finally met his, sharp and filled with hot tears. “Then why did you leave? Why did you leave me?”

His breathing stopped and his heart went stale. Shock absorbed him. “You-I…You know why I left. I had to. I went away for us. So we can have a better life.”

She scoffed again, “A better life? What about my life is so bad? You could have stayed here with me, gone to college here and chose me. But you didn’t, did you? You chose what your family wanted.”

“I don’t understand, you wanted me to go?”

“I wanted you to go because I thought I was being selfless but Aemond…I can’t do this. I can’t be selfless with you. I wanted you here, with me. I wanted you to choose me! But I see this is the way it’ll always be with you, won’t it? You’ll choose your family, money and power and I’ll always come after, won’t I?” Hot tears spilled down her cheeks, soaking the collar of her sweater.

He had to fix this, had to make it right, so in the moment…Aemond came up with a solution he believed was right. “Marry me. Marry me and move to Oldtown. We can get an apartment near campus and-”

“And leave my mom?” Her voice was full of disbelief at his simple solution. “Aemond, the world isn’t always black and white. I can’t just leave my mom and my siblings-”

“I can help pay for them too,” he offered, “ I can send money every week and-”

“Aemond!” Her eyes were bloodshot and sharp, “Money is not the answer to everything. I need to stay here and look after them when she’s not here. I- ugh” He heard her mumble, “There is no use in arguing with you about this,” as she grabbed her floral perfume and sprayed her neck.

He stood from the bed and tried to grab her hand, make her turn and talk to him. “Please-”

“No, Aemond,” she cried, “we are from two opposite worlds. This isn’t bound to last.”

“Please, I love you, I’ll try. I want to be with you. I can’t imagine my life without you.” He pleaded, nearly falling to his knees as he grasped her hands desperately. Tears formed in his remaining eye. “I love you,” his voice spoke with defeat and finality.

A shaky sigh escaped her lungs. “You’ll forget in time.” Pulling her hands from him, he felt the chill of her absence in the room. She was resigned to her decision.

“I don’t-” he looked up to her, eye blurred with the veil of tears. “Are we- what is this?”

“We’re done.” Her voice was ice. “Please leave.”

Winter break came and went. Aemond felt like there was a hole in his heart that would never be able to heal and when he returned from break, he saw their picture on his dorm room wall. The memory pained him, ripping more pieces from his heart. How warm their picnic had started; how beautiful the day. He remembers her gentle smile, the crinkles around her eyes as she laughed deep from her belly. He remembers holding her hands in his as he thrusted into her on that soft pink and red plaid blanket and how they breathily held each other as they came down from their respective highs. He remembers the chill picking up just before this picture was taken and the clouds afterward. But most of all, he remembered how he had lied to her and offered the false hope of staying; how he regretted that comment now.

He plucked their frame from the wall and extracted the picture from its casing. Folding himself out of view so it was just her, he put the picture back into the frame and hung it on the wall. He’d let her haunt him. He’d let her memory haunt him. She’d tear at the hole, desperately trying to escape his heart but as long as he kept her memory fresh, he’d never let her out. He had to hold something in place of the destruction their love caused and that had to be the memory of her.

Valentine’s Day was fast approaching and Helaena had made the trip to visit Aemond at University so he didn’t have to spend the day alone for the first time in two years. They met at a small cafe on campus at midday and once small talk ceased, Helaena had asked the question that had been gnawing at her mind. “How have you been?”

Aemond shrugged before sipping his coffee and looking down to the left of her eyesight, “Fine, I suppose.”

“Fine?” She repeated softly, making sure she understood the definition of his ‘fine.’

Aemond nodded, “Yeah, fine. I figured-” He wanted to trail off, stop there but he felt he could open up to Helaena. “I figured once I get this year done here, I’ll transfer to a college closer to home and maybe, I don’t know-” the words felt like glass in his throat, “maybe I can try to get her back.”

Helaena sighed, her hand reached across the table and rested upon Aemond’s. “Aem, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe just put her to rest-”

“No,” he cut, slightly offended, “I love her. I still love her. We can make this work if I am closer, I can be better, do better.”

“Aemond, she’s engaged.”

A strange pain stung in his chest, he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. His eye looked to his sister’s, trying to find any semblance of a lie; he found genuine pain as well. “What?”

Helaena nodded, rubbing her thumb across Aemond’s gently, trying to soothe him. “She’s engaged. She brought back the things you had left at her house and I saw the ring and I asked.”

“When?”

“Two weeks after you two broke up.”

Aemond was in such a state of shock he didn’t remember rising from his seat or abandoning Helaena in the cafe. He didn’t remember getting back to his dorm nor dialing the number he hadn’t dialed in over a month.

She answered with, “Aemond. You shouldn’t be calling,” breaking him from his trance.

“I-uh…I need to know if it’s true.” His voice now shook. Aemond couldn’t remember the last time his voice shook.

“If what’s true?” Her usual honeyed voice was full of venom.

“Are you engaged?”

Silence met him at the other end of the line and it stayed that way for so long, Aemond worried he had lost the call. That was, until he heard her sigh, “Yes.”

In his haze, his words spilled from his lips before he could speak. “Were you cheating on me?”

He hears her scoff. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“It matters, it matters to me.” His voice cracks with the weight of yearning, he needs a reason to be angry with her, to hate her. Maybe that would help him heal.

He hears a shaking sigh come from within the phone, “No. I mean- emotionally maybe. But not physically. I couldn’t- I still can’t.” He thinks she trails off because the line goes silent but he hears muffled sobs and the pain in his heart stings for her.

“I still-” his throat is choked with the words he knows he shouldn’t say, “I still love you.”

He hears her sniffling before the line goes dead. He tries calling again but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries a second time and a third before the line quits ringing all together. His phone goes flying across the room, hitting the wall and bouncing onto his bed along with her picture in its frame. He picks up the picture, barely visible behind his tears and grasps it against his chest as he lulls himself to sleep with deep sobs that winter evening.

Late Winter turns into early Spring, which turns to late Spring and Aemond’s first year of college is complete. He packs his belongings in boxes, her picture packed safely at the top of the final box. Moving back home for the Summer was something he dreaded since the middle of Winter but as the months went by, he looked forward to the warm breeze he had once shared with the woman he loved; the woman he still loves.

His first week back in his home was a discomfort he was not used to yet expected all the same. To aid this discomfort, Aemond spent most of his days out of the house, on the beach or on the sea. Somewhere where he could feel the wind dancing within his hair in solitude and appreciate the loneliness for once; his appreciation was never long lived.

On one particular day, Aemond passed by a little church, her church. He hadn’t meant to but old habits die hard and before he knew it, his hands were making a right turn when he really meant for a left. Outside, he saw people decorating with pink and red flowers. Some of those people he knew, then, he saw her mom and his heart sunk. Pulling his car into the parking lot of the little white church, jumped out of his car in a haste without care or concern for how he may appear. Her mother saw him approaching and nearly dropped the flowers she was fastening to the railing.

“Aemond,” she warned loudly as he approached, making the other ladies that were helping turn their heads, “She doesn’t want to see you, Aemond.”

‘She doesn’t want to see you’ meant she was here and by the way some of the younger ladies were forming a barrier on the steps meant she was inside. He kept approaching.

“I just want to talk to her,” he reasoned.

“You need to leave,” a woman standing on the steps of the church told him.

He stopped before the blockade of women, not wanting to push through but deciding he would if he had to. “Please just let me-”

Then, he saw her emerge from the doors behind the women. Their eyes locked and he swore he felt a divine joy he had never felt in his life. He looked up to her and pleaded, using her full name.

She sighed and told him to come inside. The pack of ladies parted with no less judgment and sorrow on their faces than before. He followed quickly behind her to a secluded little room in the back of the church that looked like an office mixed with a library.

She crossed her arms, a small sheen of sweat beat down her brow. Her hair was tied back and a bandana was worn across her crown. She stood in jean shorts, old ratty running shoes and a tank top - just as she was the day they met four years ago.

“If you’re here to talk me out of it-”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, but I know at this point, it would be a futile attempt.” Her stance softened slightly, taken aback by his confession. “Yet I suppose, I am a fool and despite knowing I will most likely fail, I need you to know that I still love you. That has never changed nor will it ever. I meant it when I said it. I will love you till I die.”

She scoffed, her arms crossing tighter around her chest, “And I meant it when I said that you’ll forget in time. Aemond, stop dragging this out.”

“Why? Why are you marrying him?”

Her eyes narrowed, offended with the question, “I don’t owe you an answer.”

“No you don’t but an answer might be all I need to get over this heartbreak I feel everyday of this goddamn life. I love you. You loved me once. You’ve never given me a good answer for any of this and I exist here, in the same world as you do, everyday, holding you in my heart as I have no other. Yet, you’ve offered me no explanation as to why I was plucked from your own. What have I done other than try my best? I made a mistake by leaving but I promise, if you allow me to try again, I will never make that mistake again. Or any, I will be perfect, I can be perfect for you. Just please,” a sob threatened in his chest. “I feel as though I will never recover. I worry I will take this pain and this love with me to the grave if you do not allow me to retry or tell me why. Kill me now and be done with it.”

Tears brimmed her eyes as she walked past him and escaped the room they shared. He had poured his heart out all for naught and the emptiness chilled his bones. He had done everything he could and hoped that somehow, it had made a difference. Maybe tonight, as she laid in her floral scented bed, she’d think of his words and change her mind. Choose him or finally cut the string. Realizing he had sunk to his knees, Aemond arose and walked out of that church alone and defeated yet with a new smaller hope growing deep in his belly.

The next day, he sat in the parking lot of the church with his belongings in the back of his car, waiting for her to emerge; waiting for an answer. When she walked out of the church with her husband locked in her arm, a floral bouquet in her hand and that beautiful white dress on, surrounded by people celebrating her union to another man, Aemond left his hometown and never returned.

Years went by and she still preyed upon his mind. He searched for her in other women but nothing felt the same. How could anything compare to her? Their scent was never sweet enough. Their skin was never soft enough. Their moans were never as desperate and needy as her own and his name on their lips never sounded quite right. After some time, Aemond halted his pursuit of pleasures of the flesh for the flesh he yearned for was promised to another.

He felt his grip on reality slip from time to time. He began seeing her in the corner of his eye while seated at home, alone on his couch. Sometimes he’d even hear her voice calling to him from his dreams. And when he dreamt? He dreamt of Summer, warmth, the sun burning their skin as they rolled along the grassy hill entangled in each other's arms. Waking would be his nightmare.

Years had passed and some hair atop his head had thinned somewhat. He had just watched his youngest nephew, Maelor, graduate from University and that’s when he saw her. Standing for a photo beside a boy with the same hair color as her own. He towered above her in his graduation gown, her in a white blouse and yellow skirt. Subtle lines appeared where her smile creased and her eyes held a gentle age that made Aemond jealous of those who were able to witness time mature her.

Her familiar eyes meet his, as if drawn by some magnetic force that binds the two whenever the other is near enough to feel the pull. Then, as suddenly as it happened, her eyes dart away, grabbing the boy in the graduation gown’s arm and telling him something. A person passed before Aemond’s vision in the crowded hall and when he spotted her and the boy again, their backs turned as they were walking away; heading for an exit. Aemond sped up, pushing a girl in a graduation gown aside, nearly knocking her over. He heard people yelling behind him as he pursued his love blindly. He didn’t know what he’d say to her but he knew, simply hearing her voice again would be all he needed to set the world right.

A body knocked into him from the side, causing him to lose him balance and fall sideways to the ground. “Oh man, I’m sorry sir,” a younger boy in a wrinkled dress shirt apologized as he reached a hand down to help Aemond up. He swatted the boy’s hand away as he stood, looking toward the exit where she had disappeared. Many people were filing out of the crowded graduation hall and none of them were her. Without dropping his pursuit, he pushes past the people in line to leave and out the doors. Once outside, he searches for her; her hair, her voice, her laugh…any trace of her.

He finds people taking pictures with their grown children, he finds smiles and laughter, he finds happiness.

He doesn’t find her.

His heart sinks from the elevation of the mere prospect of hearing her voice again to the depths of anguish when he’s deprived of the life held behind her saccharine smile. The sun shines down on the people around him but Aemond feels cold, like a dark cloud lingering only above him and preventing the warmth from touching his skin.

That night, after Aemond leaves the graduation party for his nephew, he parks his car in the driveway of his quaint home. The car beeps as he rounds the corner to his front door, freezing in the pale moonlight.

She was sitting on his front steps. Her eyes looked up and met his one and the moonlight glimmered against her eyes, highlighting the soft tears she held.

His heart hammered a cold thrum. “What are you doing here? How did you-”

She looks down, playing with the rings on her hands: three of them and not residing on the fourth of her left.

“My uh- son is friends with your nephew, he texted him and got your address.” Age had touched her voice, deepened it slightly, less breathy. Like she had finally stopped running and filled her lungs.

A faint breeze blew between them, reminding Aemond that he was still standing; hovering above her like a hawk. Suddenly aware of this (and never wanting to come across as a predator to her) he moved to sit beside her at a respectable distance on the stoop. She kept turning the rings on her fingers and did not look at him.

“I want to apologize for not speaking to you today…” she begins with trepidation and he knew she’d give him an excuse that he’d accept regardless of how weak because despite these years of pain and yearning, he had never stopped loving her with the fault of forgiveness akin to an abused beast who had only ever known love by the same hand that taught him pain. “I just couldn’t do that in front of him.” Aemond nodded, understanding that ‘him’ meant the boy in the graduation gown, her son. And by ‘do that’ she meant ‘I couldn't revive a conversation with the man I’d once loved,’ or so Aemond hoped that is what she meant.

“I understand.” In truth, he didn’t. If the cards were flipped, Aemond would have sought out her in that crowded hall and held her taut in front of all those present; regardless of if his child or children were present. But that was the difference between them, their paths divided due to a reason not robust enough for Aemond’s understanding and she got married, had at least one child. She did all the things Aemond had reserved for only her and in doing so, ripped Aemond from those chances at more; this was the only transgression he’d ever hold her to.

“I’m sorry-” she says this as abruptly as she stands, wiping her tear duct carefully with a single finger as to not smudge her makeup, “I don’t know why I even came-”

Aemond stands and takes her hand in his without permission or consent, as if he still had a claim to her skin as he did all those years ago. “No, stay. Please.” His eye pleads with her alongside his tongue. He wants to say more but he is worried to sound too eager. Worried she’d spook and fly away like a lost dove.

Her head shakes but her eyes tell another truth: she wants to stay too. “Aemond, I can’t. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be here disturbing your peace-”

“I haven’t known peace since the day you decided to walk out of my life.” His mouth moves before his brain does and he regrets the truth as it tumbles from his heart yet he can’t find it in himself to apologize.

Her face is shocked as her eyes well up with hot tears. “You can’t blame me for ending our relationship. Aemond,” she pleads and grasps his other hand to look up at him with wide eyes, “we were not compatible.”

He grasps both of her hands tightly in his own. “Compatibility is a farce. I could've changed to have been anything you wanted, anything you needed me to be. You didn’t allow me to do that. You gave me no warning.”

She pulls her hands from his grip. “Aemond,” her voice raising in defiance, “that line of thinking is exactly why I knew I had to end our fling!” The word ‘fling’ stung his heart more than it should have. “You moved to college and I grew up while you were gone! I would have never asked you to change yourself for me Aemond. Do you know how childish that line of thinking is? Did you ever grow up in the years that have passed or have you always been the same boy I loved back when?”

Hurt and confused, “I’m childish because I believe in love?” His pain blinded him, “Maybe if you believed in love you’d still have a husband!”

It was a low-blow, he knew it. His apology started tumbling from his lips as soon as he said it and saw the stinging pain and shocked expression on her face. She held a hand up, halting his words. “How did you know that?”

“What?”

“How did you know I’m getting a divorce?”

In truth, he didn’t. But she had always been fond of jewelry. Even when he’d get her cheap necklaces out of the coin operated vending machines on their dates together, she’d wear them proudly until they broke.

“You aren't wearing a ring on that finger.”

She looks down to her hands, a choked laugh spills from her lips as she plays with the indented skin of where a ring had been. “You were always so perceptive.”

“I’m sorry-” he begins to apologize again but she looks up at him with a face full of defeat.

“It’s been in the works for a while now, y’know? He wanted to wait until our son graduated.”

Aemond nods, now feeling uncomfortable. He shifts slightly before deciding to sit back on the stoop, hoping his retreat will make her feel less threatened.

She sits on the stoop again, this time, closer but somehow the air between them feels colder.

“Was he good to you?”

She nods. “He never gave me reason to be upset. He was a good husband, provided for us when I had to stay home with the kids. He was kind, a good listener. He made me feel valued and when we had enough money, he bought us a big house with two bathrooms. We were happy.”

‘Were.’

“What changed?” He dared ask it but he had to know.

She looked down to her hands again, fiddling with the skin at the base of her fourth finger. “Our daughter died.” She said it so plainly, as if it were a simple fact and not a soul crushing thing for her to have gone through. He feels a pain in his chest, not for the girl he never knew, but for the woman he loved to have gone through something so traumatic.

“After she died, our connection seemed to wither and crumble. I don’t know if it was him or I that initiated the loss in communication, I just knew the night our son moved to college and we were alone in that big house for the first time ever, that our marriage wasn’t going to last much longer.” She reached up and wiped a tear that threatened to slide down her face. “Our daughter was supposed to be there with us. We weren’t supposed to be ‘empty-nesters’ yet. I realized that our marriage was built upon our children and having lost a pillar, we weren’t stable. There was nothing between us connecting our lives. We existed in that house together with the ghost of our daughter and the memory of our son as the only ties that bound us. And when you think hard about it, how long can a ghost and a memory tie someone to another?”

Too long, Aemond thought selfishly of himself.

“So now that he’s leaving the house for good, we are finally calling it quits.” She adds as if she’s reading the newspaper.

“What are you going to do?” He sneaks a look over to her, a bubble of hope in his chest.

She’s aware of his view but she doesn’t reciprocate. “I’m not getting into something again. I’ve built my home upon pillars of sand and out of straw. I think it’s time to find a strong foundation and a sturdy home. I suppose the only way to do that is through myself.”

“Are you reserved to building your sturdy home so small that only you’re allowed in?”

She nods unapologetically. “I’m not here for you, Aemond. I’m not letting you in. I'm here for me. I never got to say good-bye in that church, never allowed myself to and I’m here to say-”

“Don’t.”

“Why? Wouldn’t it be easier if we finally say goodbye? For good?”

He sighs, “I’d rather spend my whole life loving you without a goodbye than for you to say it and crush my hope.”

“You shouldn’t have hope for what can’t be, Aemond.”

“That’s what hope is.”

Her eyes met his and they lingered with an understanding that whatever once existed between them was still there, even if it lingered on hospice, something was still alive.

The next seconds are a blur. Her hand fell into his, his mouth invaded her own, his other hand skimmed into her hair and pulled her closer. His front door is unlocked and he pushes her through it, down the hall to his bed. When she falls into the soft mattress, he descends upon her without giving her time to think. Wound up in passion and need, they fell into a vicious game, one where the only wounds here that bleed are on the inside, long since scarred over but never healed properly. The two push their carnal desire toward the front of their thoughts to drown out the objections of clarity. Maybe this once, they’d allow themselves to give into what they once were before the pain, before the rejection, before the betrayal. Maybe they can be how they were before love had come between them. Maybe this once, they can just be two bodies in the night that feel so right against one another. Push aside their feelings and simply feel; if only for this once.

The pale moonlight shone throughout the house as Aemond rose to get a glass of water. Barefeet padded gently out of the bedroom, afraid to wake her from her exhaustion induced slumber. The cabinet opened and shut with the faintest creek and the water sloshed gently into the cup and when Aemond turned around, she spooked him standing in the archway to his kitchen, clothing back on.

“Did I wake you?” His voice was hoarse and did not hide his fear well.

“Yeah,” she looked behind her toward the front door, “I needed to be gone a long time ago though.” She glanced back toward the door.

“Don’t leave yet. It’s the middle of the night. Stay here till morning.”

She shook her head. “This was a mistake. I need to be home before anyone notices I didn’t come home last night-”

“Stay,” Aemond pleaded as he set the full glass down, “please.”

Even in the shadows, moonlight not quite reaching her features, Aemond saw her eyes, downcast and defeated. “Sure.”

Without another word, Aemond scooped her into his arms and returned her back to his bed where he held her tightly, afraid she’d slip through his grasp yet again. Aemond had never prayed much as an adult, however, that night…he prayed silently with her in his arms.

When he awoke, he knew it was for naught. His bed was void of warmth in the heat of the sun rays dancing through his windows.

He never saw her again.

In his sixty-eighth year of life, on a warm morning in late September, Aemond Targaryen awoke for the last time. He pulled some old letters from a box beside his bed, as he did nearly every week or so in his growing age, and read each one, pausing to smile every time he came across the phrase “I love you” that he had underlined in red ink many decades ago. Aemond was content with memories now. When he finished reading and reminiscing, he touched her picture one last time the way he did every morning; the one that hung on his bedroom wall and had followed him to every bedroom since college. Then, went onto his back patio with a cool glass of water to watch sunlight bathe the landscape in warm light and the plants awaken. At twelve past eight, the glass fell from his hands, shattering on the patio. His body would be found by his elder sister Helaena who was coming to visit him later that day from her home halfway across the continent. She was to attend a cardiologist appointment with him the next day; a rather hurried appointment amidst rapidly growing concerns for his failing heart.

His funeral was a grand affair, as expected of a Targaryen, and despite the grandiose of the visitation, the attendance was picked thin. Aegon, Aemond’s eldest brother, stood furthest from the casket, refusing to look anywhere near where his brother lay. Helaena, stood diligently by his side even in death and strangely offered her condolences to the few people that ventured their way to the casket to say their goodbyes. Daeron, the youngest, sat next to their mother, Alicent, who rested in a wheelchair in the front row, refusing to take her eyes away from her third child’s final bed.

Helaena hand’s were just unclasping from one of Aemond’s former work colleagues when Aegon approached the casket for the first time and spoke in a hurried tone into his sister’s ear. “She’s here.”

“Who?” Helaena looked around as she tried to find who Aegon was talking about but his eyes remained glued on the corpse of his younger brother, seeing him lying peacefully in the casket for the first time today. He felt a wave of shock, guilt and fear course through him. “Who, Aegon,” Helaena asked again but Aegon needed not to answer because Helaena’s eyes landed on the woman who caused Aegon to finally approach their brother’s body. “Oh,” was all she said and her eyes drifted to Aegon who was taking in the presence of Aemond for the first time without his brother truly being with them. Helaena grabbed his shoulder, “Aeg, you alright?”

A strange smile crossed his profile as he looked on, “He looks like he’s smiling almost.”

Helaena glanced over, Aemond’s lips did seem to have an upwards lilt that she only previously attributed to the moritician’s work of making him look younger, more angelic. She nodded, “Yeah, I suppose so.”

Aegon finally looked sideways to Helaena, his blue wrinkled eyes brimmed with tears. He had something to say yet the words never came.

They’re broken from their unspoken conversation when they feel her presence approach. Helaena’s eyes drift to her; oh how time has changed her. Her once vibrant hair is now graying, her skin dull and wrinkled. She dresses more conservatively now, hiding how her body has aged. Helaena felt a rare strike of anger flood through her body; vexed that the only woman Aemond had ever loved had deprived him of coddling her in his arms as time aged them together.

“Hi,” she gave a curt nod, not taking her eyes off the man in the casket whom she had loved once. “I um,” she reached up and wiped her nose with a tissue that was nearly completely soiled by now, “came to see him this one last time.”

Helaena nodded toward the casket, “go see him then.”

As she approached with Helaena’s permission, Aegon leaned into her ear. “I wondered if she would come.”

Helaena watched as the only woman Aemond had ever loved placed a hand on his body and a kiss on his cheek. “We all did.”

Just before the funeral was about to begin, Helaena stepped outside, wanting to find some relief in solitude and a cigarette. Lighting it up, she got a single puff before she was joined by Aemond’s old lover. They stood in silence for sometime, Helaena had no wish to talk to the woman, still angry at how she had left her brother all those decades ago and how he tortured himself.

“I feel bad,” she heard the shaky voice beside her but did not turn, “I feel like I’ve wasted my life now that he’s gone. And the worst part about it is I feel like I killed him yet, I only feel sympathy for myself.”

“Death is not something we mourn for those who exist in it; it’s something we mourn for ourselves. Lost opportunities for things unsaid and missed experiences. Human nature is inherently selfish.”

The early fall air was thick between the two as they stood outside the funeral home. Helaena knew she made her uncomfortable but she couldn’t find it in her to care, not anymore.

“I’d like to think I was selfless.”

Helaena smirked, dropping her cigarette and twisting it into the pavement with the toe of her boot.

“Old habits die hard.” Her mouth twisted at the sour words. Helaena knew she shouldn’t hate this woman for the decisions she made nearly a lifetime ago. So, despite her gut feeling, Helaena offered her own version of words of encouragement. “You know, my brother never blamed you for what you did.”

She smiled a sad smile and dropped her head, “I wish he did…that would have made today easier.”

Some leaves fell from a tree, landing between them. “He loved you through it all. There wasn’t a day that went by that he stopped. Y’know, when we started going through his house yesterday. Terrible job for a sibling to do by the way…it should be a kid’s job to go through their parent’s house. Learn things about them they never knew while they clean up the evidence of their parent’s past to make room for new life in the home once occupied. But I digress, Aemond never had kids, never had anyone…anyone but the ghost of you.”

The soiled napkin rose to her face again, wiping away the evidence of tears and snot.

“But today,” Helaena nearly laughed at the irony, “he stopped loving you today. They’ll place a wreath upon his door, carry him away and place him into the ground. He’ll be over you for good this time. Nothing awaits him in the soil. Not pain or longing. He’ll stop this senseless romance when he’s buried. And to me, that makes me feel better. No more torment, no more love. Just death. Just peace; for once.”

She looked up at the sky, trying to blink away tears. “I told him he’d forget in time.” The confession was a whisper on her lips, perhaps to the Gods, Helaena or herself. “Time…” she repeated to herself quietly.

Aegon stepped out of the funeral home, shouting for Helaena that they were ready to start. Helaena nodded and turned to Aemond’s only love, “Are you coming?”

She closed her eyes, head still tilted toward the sky. “No, I think I overstayed my welcome.”

Aegon gave the eulogy, co-workers and a few old friends carried his casket with a wreath of white flowers sitting upon it to the hearse. In the cemetery, they lowered the body of Aemond Targaryen into the ground. Not a soul noticed the woman in black who lingered on the outskirts of the crowd; for the first time since she was a young woman, no one thought of her.

The world felt lonely.

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