#most depressing day

[petscoboba]

I want Toby Fox three years after the last chapter to make a game where it's just the Fun Gang going on a road trip to the east coast to go fishing. They raid a gas station on the way to grabs snacks for the road (and the lobsters they catch). Happy April Fool's.

#deltarune #susie deltarune #noelle deltarune #noelle holiday #kris dreemurr #fishing momence #I have one more page I wanted to draw for this little idea #but i'll have to get to it at a later date when i've got more energy #in reality this idea started as a way for me to draw kris happy after highschool #i relate to kris' lethargy a lot-- so i wanted to see them still trying to make the most of it despite their depressive nature #(perhaps if kris can find a way out maybe i can too?) #it's hard. it's really hard when you feel like you've got really nothing to look towards to #but i hope they can find meaning anyways. i hope they smile one day and i hope it's a real one #pssstt! chronologically this post takes place after another comic i have planned in the midst. it'll take 10 years to complete but one day. #that comic. will not be a happy one #heeeheehoohoo

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags) #shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes) #i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized) #it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can. #we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

[nohoperadio]

There's a weirdly poignant sort of... metaphysical tragedy in the fact that pain, which evolved as a helpful signal to alert us when bad things might be happening to us, grew into becoming... well, basically the Bad Thing. To the point where by universal consensus the very worst thing you can do to a being like us is torture them (i.e. trigger the warning signal as strongly as possible while perhaps deliberately avoiding causing "actual" harm). And there are tons of illnesses and injuries and disabilities that massively impact people's quality of life, ranging from annoying to depressing to driving people to suicide, basically purely because they're very physically painful, while the underlying bodily dysfunction that the pain is supposedly "warning" of is either relatively minor or literally non-existent.

The capacity to feel pain is a good and important thing, some people lack it and that's generally awful for them, only in a universe unrecognizably different from ours could we ever do without it. But isn't it awful to think how if only there was somebody up there to adjust the settings for us, they'd probably only have to tweak them the tiniest bit to keep 99.99% of the benefits while saving us from all the most extreme miseries forever?

The mechanism didn't have to be perfect for natural selection's purposes, it had to be good enough that the average individual in the average situation would be motivated to stay more or less out of trouble. Measured by the metrics nature was working towards, she could afford to be a little slapdash with the exact implementation, and she was. In doing so she opened the door to infinities of evil and suffering that wouldn't otherwise be conceivable. All this only had one chance to happen, and it happened that way. There's nobody to be mad at--I'm mad about it, though.

#I should say for what it's worth #the pains I've had to deal with thus far in life fall into the annoying shading into slightly depressing category #and are intermittent in nature and don't bother me most days #although they have interfered with my ability to have a hobby more than once and make me concerned about other stuff sometimes #there are people I care about who have it much worse #this clarification is only to ensure nobody expends undue sympathy on me #uninteresting

[fish-daily]

fish 230 - king-of-the-salmon/t. altvelis, NOT a king salmon!

#fish #fish daily #king-of-the-salmon #king of the salmon #drawing #probably the most embarrassing thing to happen on this blog #im such a dumbass 😭 #also sorry for no fish the past two days ive been depressed

[delta-piscium]

When Steve and Eddie start dating Wayne pulls Steve aside and is like “I know this sounds odd but you’re gonna have to take him on walks every once in a while.”

And Steve is just like “?? Sir? He is not a dog?”

Wayne gives him a slightly haunted look, muttering “sometimes I wonder,” under his breath before clearing his throat and telling Steve to just trust him on this one. 

Steve thinks this is probably something Wayne had to do when Eddie was a child to get him out of the house but the man is a full-grown adult now, Steve is not gonna walk him.

He kind of forgets about it until one day. Eddie’s been staying at Steve’s for the week and he gets home from work only to find the kitchen absolutely wrecked. He finds Eddie in another room standing in a pile of books. He very slowly approaches him, putting his hands out and making his voice soft and as carefully as he can being like, “Hey, babe, what’s up?”

Eddie whips around, eyes big and wild, rambling almost too fast for Steve to understand. “I needed to make a cake but I didn’t have a recipe so I improvised and that did not work so I went to find a recipe and did you know there are like fifty-year-old medical books here? There are so many descriptions of gross stuff in them.” He waves one of Steve’s granddads old books around and Steve has to lean back to not get smacked by it. 

“Yeah… my granddad was a doctor,” he says all while eyeing him warily. 

His hair is frizzier than usual and he’s about to turn around to grab more books and Steve does not know what this is or what to do? Should he do something? That’s when he remembers what Wayne said about walks and the way he had looked, a bit stressed and disbelieving. It’s about how Steve is feeling right now so he might as well try, right?

So he grabs Eddie, pulling him along towards the door, making up the first excuse he can think of. “Speaking of my granddad, he built a tree-house for me in the woods behind the house, let’s go look.” 

He walks into the woods at the wrong opening, leading them kind of far in before turning around to wander and pretending to look. He finally steers them back to where the tree-house actually is, all in its tiny rotten glory, and right at the edge of the lawn.

“Guess it was closer than I remember,” he says with a shrug as if dragging Eddie around for twenty minutes insisting it was further in is in any way a believable mistake. 

Eddie gives him a look like he’s acting insane, which, okay fair but Eddie did start it. And anyways he looks better now, judgmental as all hell but better.

“Cool,” He eventually says then stomps back inside. 

Eddie spends the rest of the day making fun of Steve for getting lost in the woods where he grew up but he’s not climbing the walls anymore so Steve counts it as a win.

After that he brings Eddie on regular walks, tells him it’s because he doesn’t do sports anymore and needs to move, doesn’t always feel like running and it’s boring going alone. Eddie accepts it easily but also says it’s so weird because Wayne will also drag him along on walks, and, like, what about him attracts these people who need to go on walks all the time and can’t do it alone?

Steve and Wayne have a pact to never tell Eddie, they do not even want to imagine how that would go because Eddie is a drama queen at heart and their system is working (until years later when Steve and Eddie live together hours away and Steve goes on a trip with Robin, he comes back to Eddie on his way to turn their living room into a greenhouse)

#not at all making this post because I have to take myself on walks to not start climbing the walls #or lay in a depressed cocoon whimpering to myself in the most pitiful way #that happens to Eddie too #once when Steve is busy with work and forgets to drag him outside and Eddie just gets a blanket and gets on the floor and his lip is #actually trembling and Steve is like alright lets go baby lets see nature and Eddie does not want to because he is sad #so instead they sit outside for a while slowly working their way to maybe going on a walk #I forget to take myself on walks all the time and then ill go stir-crazy and not connect the dots for way too long #it's time blindness and hyper focus- absolutely not understanding you haven't seen the outside in four days and that that's kinda bad #and I am putting that shit on eddie okay #Dels steddie thoughts #my post #steddie #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddie headcanon #steddie ficlet

[ritterdoodles]

Something I drew for the Celeste TAS Speedrun for the recent SGDQ run 🍓

Trans Rights!

#celeste #sgdq2023 #my art #ritte draws stuff #i don't know how to tag this sorry lol #also hiii :) #if you're wondering where i've been i'm too depressed most days to talk to people #oops

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

here have a Lights Out meme(?) before i go to bed <3 Wally is showing off a neat party trick to his newfriend <3

og:

#this has been in my mind for several days and im finally tired enough to execute it #this is... technically noncanon to the au i suppose... #wally Wouldn't touch fire again he learned his lesson #but also. at this point in the 'story' (said nebulously) Does He Really Care #wally: hey frank check this shit out *lights himself on fire* #frank - softly but with feeling: what the fuck... #home: *tired creak* #wallys had his Nothing In Life Matters (depressed) phase #now its time for Nothing In Life Matters (manic) phase #wh lights out au #scribble salad #theyre having so much fun i prommy (lying) #i really need to portray more of the au than just the Frank And Wally Alone In The Studio portion #even if it is the most fun. To Me. #they're entertaining... i feel like im playing with dolls...

[agardenofideas]

i hope sunny gets a villain arc if tubbo wont get one fully

like i need her to lash out at every single adult around her for not carring for her pa or her (looking at phil who offered to care for pomme and dapper when he wouldnt for sunny on tubbos Confirmed death), for no one taking her pa seriously, for taking things from them, from her pa until there was nothing left of him.

i need her to lash out at the adults for never seeing her pa hurting and thinking it wasnt serious, i need her to lash out in peoples faces how she had said they were worried for her pa and the adults just said hes like that or he'll get better and he didn't

i want her to lash out and reveal that tubbo said to her he felt more seen and cared about by a fed worker who was learning to have emotions than from any islander around

i want her to burn things, even if not a house and just a wood she placed down to set fire, i want her to do that, i want her to blow things up and lash out and be heard

cuz if being a good girl for her pa ends with them unheard and him dead then she will be heard now and once this thing called Creation gets her pa back to her, she is not letting him go

if any of the adults who didnt do anything to get him back cared for him in life and cared just a bit in death, they dont deserve to see her pa back again, he is sunny's and sunny's alone

i want sunny to spew vitrol and fire and to lash out at everyone, she deserves to go on a murderous rampage too as a treat

#qsmp sunny #tubbo #mostly as a mention #qsmp #look- she went through a lot #being from purgatory #isolated from most eggs and the ones she did meet most rejected her (ik tallulah said give more time- but as an ND myself- rejection) #it feels like rejection- anyways- #she tried so hard to make friends or get along and any time she did it just- failed so bad #sure chayanne and ramon like her lots and such and she has em and pepi- but- #out of all the eggs she could meet who were new to her- only 2 she knew liked her- out of 6 eggs only 2 #(that she knew and it took a while to know too- as well as later meet more eggs that would like her too-) #and then her dad is on a depression spiral #and then he is taken from her against his will and on their final day before hes gone they get attacked #and then hes gone for *days* #he comes back and hes worse #no one takes this hurting seriously even when she reached out for fit but he just brushed it off or made light- #and then forever kidnapps the eggs to work and then dapper is taken and no one knows where #her dad gets a bit better btu then hes back to being bad #people keep messing with him too #and it just hurts in ways ya know #and then they are taken to prison #oh yea- and she had her mom as a corpse in her front yard basically #anyways- prison she finally meets her other dad after months of being on quesadilla #everyone presses button and then are in a library and the eggs are just on the prone bodies of their parents #(tubbo died in same position that he sleeps in) #(sunny deffinetly curled up in his dead arms as she did when he sleeps. hes just sleeping. please shes just sleeping and this is a dream) #i want her to finally go ape shit #she would still be kind but she would have no mercy or simpathy to give anymore #no one will trample on them anymore

[once-in-a-blood-moon]

Solomon who’s lived for so long he can’t remember most of the things he’s done so most things feel new to him 🤝 Me who has the worst memory known to man that things I’ve already done also feel brand new

#we’ll experience ‘new’ things together wow! #i know this man is generally forgetful too so it makes me feel some better #like it’s bad #the amount of times i’ve watched game grumps play wheel of fortune and play along to it knowing i’ve solved the puzzles before but can’t #remember so whoo! look i just solved that one! #the most simple of things as well are forgotten to the whirlwind that is my mind #three things i have planned to do for the day… only remembers one #i’m very thinky but won’t remember anything #thanks depression 👍 #sorry for the rambles in the tags 😗 #obey me #obey me solomon #jo’s thoughts

[13eyond13]

a headcanon I just realized I have is that Light often has a lot of trouble living in the present moment and L often has a lot of trouble NOT living in the present moment. Light is a huge planner and forward thinker and accustomed to grinding through unpleasant current circumstances in order to achieve optimal future results. L is very keen on living for today and whatever is currently tickling his fancy and giving him the most excitement and pleasure and challenge, and prefers not to dwell heavily on the future nor the past. And I think that both of them normally feel uncomfortable and resentful if they are forced to do the opposite of what they are normally accustomed to doing.

#this kinda goes along with my headcanon that L experiences some kind of time blindness #he's not good at keeping track of time because he's always getting lost in the sauce with his various interests #/ he doesn't usually have to worry about being on a regular person schedule anyway #Light on the other hand keeps a strictly regimented day with every second planned in advance and accounted for and gets very irritable #If it's not #doesn't usually know what to do with himself if he's just made to sit there and chill #Can't imagine not thinking ahead to the consequences of most choices whereas L finds that something he'll worry about later maybe #And can't imagine being so organized about things and finds it depressing/boring to plan that far ahead #they might bicker about it but also find things to admire and appreciate about each other's different outlooks on this #light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #headcanon #p

[decolonize-the-left]

Had a tik tok in my Facebook memories that said something about how with anti-maskers it ultimately comes down to them perceiving doing things for others as weakness since they grew up in a hyper-individulistic society. It's them exerting autonomy and refusing to stop under peer pressure, largely just for the sake of fighting something since that's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I can't be controlled"

Made me think that everyone else bought into the same type of individualistic rhetoric through pop psychology: having "good" boundaries means never needing others and always putting yourself before everyone else regardless of circumstance and especially if they make you feel any feeling you don't want to feel. ...Like guilty for not caring enough to keep wearing a mask in 2023. That's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I love myself"

The conclusion here being: being needed/needing others is a threat to your autonomy which is a Value to protect.

And when you really think about it applies to more than masking; supporting BIPOC, watching the news, showing up to protests, etc.

"I'm already depressed, I can't handle it. I'm watching out for my own mental health by not participating"

"it's all woke which makes me feel like a bad person cuz Im a bigot so I only watch what validates my bias"

And personally I get a little suspicious when two sides defined by their opposite social values come to the same social conclusion.

You should too. This rhetoric is holding us back. Individualism is holding us back. People need people. It's not toxic or abusive or manipulative to admit that, no matter how much society has tried to make you believe otherwise.

Oppressed people needing allies and your friends who need help moving aren't violating your boundaries or "bad for your mental health" just because You don't want to show up AND not feel bad about it.

Can the generation that grew up screaming "I don't know how to teach you that you should care about other people" at boomers please stand up and take a heaping tablespoon of your own medicine.

And then show gen z how to swallow it because growing up in the social climate we millennials curated online hasn't exactly inspired feelings of confidence in others or the future.

Both of which we still care about right? We still care about other people and the future? Not just ourselves?

Just want to confirm that we haven't gone Full Boomer as a collective yet cuz at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded saying that being expected to care about their friends is akin communist dictatorship

And could this be a Red Scare Psyop meant to discourage you from finding community, collectivism, and mutual aid in a time where your hyper-individulistic behavior and beliefs are being exploited for record breaking profits in the name of capitalism?

#remembering that thing I shared awhile ago where OP was talking about their friends calling it Traumadumping when OP talked- #about having a shitty few days. like?????? #sometimes friends are unhappy or even depressed and they shouldnt have to hide that from friends sry not sry #most times they way you feel when they're talking are just NORMAL feelings of empathy and sympathy and sad and mad for them #Yeah the ppl around you will have an affect on you-the answer for dealing with this is building your emotional IQ NOT isolation #they need you as much as you need them actually #liberals #self care #society #lgbt #mutual aid #capitalism #biden #covid #masking #healthcare #social justice #socializing #boundries #pop psychology #sometimes you will be uncomfortable and that's OKAY #THATS GOOD

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

everyone give it up for some of the best character writing i have ever SEEN

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #art #illustration #redacted vincent #vampire #look its definitely a sunk cost fallacy thing but COME ON look at him hes such a fantastic character #we've got teen angst at 21. we've got dad puns. we've got the most uncomfortably realistic portrayal of depression i have ever seen in media #what more could you want #at the end of the day #he's also just a girl #alexa play my dad is rich by danny gonzalez #which i refuse to add to my vincent playlist but by god if the song hasnt been irreversibly linked to him in my mind #i'd hang out with him #just to play uno or something

[cuubism]

It’s 3pm on a rainy Wednesday, and Hob is sleepily grading student papers, when Death of the Endless appears in his flat, lies quietly down on the couch, and rests her head in his lap.

Hob stares down at her for a long moment, hands aloft in indecision, because this is not... something they do. By now he can say he calls Death a friend, and they get drinks together sometimes and chat, but this...

“Everything alright, love?” he asks, finally resting a hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t mean to disturb your peace,” Death says quietly. The TV Hob’s left on as background noise—some silly cooking show—nearly drowns out her voice entirely.

“Nothing peaceful about trying to find nice ways to tell my students they can’t write for shit,” Hob says, pushing his papers away. He can’t see Death’s face well like this, but he doesn’t like the uneven sound of her voice, not when she’s usually so level. “Disturb away.”

After a long moment in which they both just listen to the TV program host blather on about crumpets, Death says, “I am not affected by deaths.”

“…Alright,” Hob says, though he’s not convinced.

“I am…” Death continues, but trails off on a breath like a whistle of cold wind. “May I... stay here awhile?”

“‘Course.” Hob carefully pets at her head, strokes her hair. Worry is building, but he doesn’t think Death needs him to pull her words out of her the way he sometimes has to with Dream. She will speak when she’s ready. “Do you want to hear some truly fascinating attempts at historical analysis? Or is peace and quiet what you’re looking for?”

“You can speak if you wish,” Death says, still in that quiet tone.

So Hob tells her about some of his students, the ones who truly seem to have some promise in the field, and the others who he’s pretty sure are just mangling their papers together from sentences out of one of those AI things, if the originality is anything to go by. It’s disappointing but does make for humorous reading. Though really, Hob’s not sure whether to laugh or despair when he has to read lines like War has negative effects on people in an actual university academic paper. Wow, you don’t say.

He does manage to get a few chuckles out of his friend, but none with her usual humor and enthusiasm, and eventually he trails off, and they listen quietly to the background noise of the TV.

“Is there anything I can do?” Hob asks quietly.

“Can you control the future, Hob?” Death asks, a rhetorical question without any of her usual lightheartedness.

“Can’t even control the present,” Hob says. He just keeps his hands on her, one on her shoulder, one on the top of her head. Grounding, he hopes. And he thinks on what she’d said.

Hob knows that Destiny is the only Endless that operates in the future, but he has wondered, now that he understands them a bit better, if Death may not have a foot in that direction as well. She must know, some way, how to be where she must when she must.

Death has never seemed overly burdened by the past, even though history is a tower of bones a hundred miles high. Hob had asked, once — do all those terrible things ever bother you? you were there for them all —and all she had said was, “It has already happened,” with neither pleasure nor pain, just acceptance.

The future is another matter entirely.

“Is something going to happen?” he asks.

“I will not burden you with knowledge that is not yours to carry,” Death says.

So, that’s a yes.

“Maybe I could do something about it,” Hob suggests, though he suspects where that query will lead.

“You could not.”

“What about you, then?”

“That is not my place,” she says, though she sounds less certain about it than she usually is when discussing her function.

“You sure?” Hob asks.

“Were I to change fates for some, what excuse would I have for not doing so for all? Unfair things happen hourly, and always will. If I upend the balance, there is no telling how things would tip out of control down the road.”

It must be hard, Hob thinks, to be so powerful and yet so powerless.

“You did spare me,” he points out.

Death huffs, almost a laugh. “In truth, I shouldn’t have done that. Although I suspect Destiny had it written in his book for other purposes entirely.”

Huh. Well, that’s probably something Hob shouldn’t think on too hard for the sake of his own sanity.

“Well, I’m certainly not complaining about it,” Hob says, and Death chuckles.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asks, when they’ve been sitting for another few minutes in silence.

“I… do not have many friends,” Death says. Common family trait, then, Hob thinks. Not that it’s really so surprising. Death is very personable, but most of her interactions with people are, well… fleeting. And it can’t be easy to make normal friends, when you’re as expansive a being as one of the Endless.

“Stay for a while then,” Hob says. He pulls a blanket over her and tucks it around her shoulders. “Until you have to go.”

“Thank you, Hob,” says Death, still sounding incredibly weighed down by her function, but given a slight reprieve, perhaps.

Hob rubs her shoulder and thinks about these endless creatures he’s chosen to love. Do they have anyone else to worry about them? He doesn’t think so. It’s just Hob, and he doesn’t think that’s anywhere close to enough, but he’ll just have to do his best.

“Any time, love,” he tells her, and means it.

#hob death friendship my beloved #couple days later hob's got /two/ endless sitting depressed on his couch cuz lbr whatever unspecified mass casualty event happens is going #to fuck up death and dream both #rip #hob gadling #death of the endless #deathling #i mean it's not intended as shippy but that's my tag for the two of them right now #my writing #FINALLY one ongoing wip finished. thank you nano. it's a short one but still #sandman fic #just post the most random ficlet and then go back to work XD #me: i won't post anything during nano i'll just focus on writing. also me:

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Bojack Horseman is the last piece of media that I would have expected to have a consistently enduring fandom. It's pretty much non-existent on an average day on Tumblr, but it's obnoxiously popular on other forms of media daily, and it kind of feels like tumblr is dying out in most content anyway, and even on here there's still a decent amount of content that's posted daily that is decent enough for a piece of media that was canceled years ago and wasn't super popular or mainstream even when I was out. It impresses me daily, it's a good thing, since BoJack is the love of my life anyway and is boring as it is, really all that I need for the rest of my sad, lonely, pathetic life.

#I keep trying to cling on to Rick as a comfort character too but honestly it's just not the same #whenever I just cling on to Bojack 100% I fall into this weird headspace where it just feels right #it's perfect for someone that loves niche bright colorful but at the same time depressing medium #with BoJack being my perfect type as a partner #as a mentally ill fanfic maladaptive daydreamer #and a someone who struggles severely with alcoholism and suicide and is looking for validation with that struggle daily #ans ALSO #has been looking for a sense of online community for years that doesn't just randomly die out #I've been checking Bojack culture everyday for literally 3 years straight without missing a single day and there's always something going on #granted the fandom does not care about me but actively despisees me and has made me suicidal more times I can bother to remember at this #point but considering how bleak and resourceless my life has become it's still a pretty good deal #it's much more preferable to that dead inside #utterly empty neurotypical feeling that comes with most media fandoms

[dailydegurechaff]

I wanted to know how do you interpret Tanya's gender. After reading chapter 58 of the manga i got the impression that she is definitely trans coded, but maybe thats just me

Very good question.

To be honest, when I think too hard about Tanya’s gender (and sexuality, for that matter) it gives me brain worms. Fun brain worms, but brain worms nonetheless. I can’t explain it. Everything she’s got going on is complicated as shit there’s way too much to think about.

Like, she was a man, but now she's a girl. But at some points she says she still sees herself as a man internally so is this MtFtM? How does that work. And if she accepts she's a woman now, is that just MtF or do we add more letters. More importantly: Was Being X being Transphobic or being the Greatest Trans Ally of All Time with the free divinely issued sex change.

Ok ok, jokes aside. Confession: I actually do not keep up with the manga, so I had to go find the chapter and read it first. Having read it now though, I see what you mean.

The conversation she has with the Salaryman/herself in that chapter really does read as essentially saying “I’ve accepted who I am now.” It’s a far cry from a much earlier part of the manga I remember where she has a breakdown about being a man/people seeing her as a girl.

A friend of mine was actually showing me stuff from more recent chapters of the manga (don’t know which chapter tragically, but I know it’s not currently translated to English) and from what I gathered of it, Being X was showing Tanya a dream of being back in her past life and in response she basically demanded to go back to being Tanya immediately. It is definitely not just you, I 100% see the trans-coding you’re talking about.

As for my personal interpretation of her gender, I touched very briefly on it once before, but I honestly think she wouldn’t want to label herself as anything. At first, this is out of hesitance and not wanting to acknowledge that anything might be ““wrong”” or ““different”” about her. Later on it turns into character growth, more along the lines of, “I don’t need the label to define me, I just am what I am/like what I like. I don’t care about it any more than that.” Yes this is 100% projection on my part. No, I won’t apologize for it lmao.

Of course, that's entirely my own headcanon. I definitely am not saying it’s the only way to interpret her, it’s just my personal thoughts. Especially since my opinion is subject to change on a dime depending on what I’m reading/working on myself. The Tanya gender is, in fact, transient, shifting like water.

Like. A transfem Tanya fic that focuses on her adapting to life in her new world and coming to discover she doesn’t actually hate her new body? I’d totally read that. I’ve seen a few fics that include that as a part of the narrative and those scenes of acceptance were among my favorite parts.

I get the feeling this is the route that the manga is going as well. It’s a bit of a shame that we don't have those aforementioned scenes in the light novel (or at least, I don't remember them), but I don’t think that Carlo Zen really intended that to be the focus/narrative in the first place. And honestly, I also think that’s a good thing because it allows for so much more room for interpretation and headcanon around Tanya’s character.

Anyway, the other direction is also compelling to me. A transmasc Tanya fic where, after feeling uncomfortable and hating how feminine he looks for years and years, he finally goes ‘Fuck this, I’m gonna go back to being a man’? I would read the fuck out of that too.

Could also be paired with him finally choosing to defect, where they think about it like, ‘Well there’s nothing to hold me back now, right? I don’t have to maintain appearances anymore. Also, since I’m defecting this would be a great way to hide myself. They’d all be looking for the wrong person. Two birds with one stone, how efficient.’ …Now we’re getting to fic ideas I won’t ever get to so it’s time to move on I think.

Semi-related to the Trans Tanya Concept, this actually brings me to a bit of a lore/headcanon/idea/question I want to present to the public for opinions. In Norden, during the inciting battle of the war, Tanya uses magic to “dope up” so she could enhance her strength and reaction time and kill pain. I took this to mean she used a formula to synthesize the narcotics/adrenaline hormone/whatever else directly into herself, right?

Can you see where I’m going with this? As long as you know which hormones to make, how they’re made up, and what quantities you need… Well, don’t you think magic HRT is completely possible? Of course, as I'm not sure it makes sense for Salaryman to have known the detailed specifics about it from the modern world, it would require a lot of in-universe research/science advancement for someone to actually do that, but theoretically...

The magic system in this universe has so much potential to be explored, I’m fascinated by what you can theoretically do with it. Although, this is long and off-topic already I think this should be the end, lol.

I think I talked too much? I’m sorry, you were probably not expecting such an answer. I told you, Tanya gives me brain worms (mental illness).

I guess the TL;DR is this: that kid definitely ain’t cishet.

#marathehomosexual #ask #not a daily post #you could ask me a simple yes or no question and i would STILL find a way to make the answer multi-paragraph #i STILL have things to talk about. im just choosing to throw it in the tags now #LIKE. if synthesizing hormones is something completely possible in universe #is birth control possible as well? how about anti-depressants? #how far can we go with this? can you get addicted to these magic-synthetic chemicals/hormones/whatever? #say you need a little pick me up in the day. you give yourself a little boost in the happy-brain-chemicals (dopamine or whatever) #(im not a biologist or knowledgeable about most biology-related things honestly. please just go with it) #would a mages body start to rely on magic to produce it and stop creating it naturally anymore? #could this create a dependency? would you start to need to make more? #its insane. i feel insane #you ask me a simple question and i refuse to stop elaborating #rimu be quiet now

[queer-apocalypse]

I don't see people talk nearly enough about what having your bending taken from you must entail.

Your bending is not just a weapon: it's the tangible manifestation of your energy, it's a big part of how you interact with the world and a vital, organic function of your body.

And I'm sure this was especially true for Ozai, if Iroh's description of his aptitude towards firebending from the cradle in Legacy of the Fire Nation is anything to go by.

I can't help but think about how losing it must've affected the rest of his bodily functions.

Ozai struggling to regulate his body temperature in his cold, humid cell, hugging his own shivering body tight enough to leave fingers imprints on his arms and still not finding any comfort because the cold is coming from within.

Ozai suddenly finding himself breathless after the mildest physical effort because a lot of his breath regulation was based around fire control as well, and his lungs still try to steal more oxygen than he now has need for.

Ozai losing sensitivity in his limbs some days, and being so overly sensitive his rough clothes feel like sandpaper on his skin some others, because his nerves' endings are raw and burned with the trauma of deprivation.

Ozai's body being incapable of holding onto much food because his whole metabolism was partially relying on the fire inside him.

Ozai's mind floating aimlessly every so often, unable to focus with the decreased temperature of his brain, unable to keep track of time and faces and to discern the muddy blur of his emotions, if he's still able to feel any at all.

Ozai slowly flickering and fading away like a flame trapped under a glass, with no oxygen and nothing to hold onto.

#atla #ozai #firebending #energybending #aang #angst #depression? #yeah depression #I've been sick these days and maybe I'm projecting but yeah #are we sure this was the most merciful option aang?