#my parents are a little idk... about it bc well i cant imagine any parents being like yes cannibalism (thumbs up emoji)
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hello. i wrote the winterbunny joke thing (idk i didnt title it) im not rlly well versed in tumblr but i kinda like the format of it
here i am to paint you a picture; sophomore bunny, with his bright, loud laughter. if he were sunshine, it would be the noon sort of rays -- the sort that leaves your skin red and blisters whenever you feel it bearing down on you. but for someone such as henry winter, who is naturally ice cold, perpetually winter, with all his years an ice age -- he finds that this heat of bunny's melts him. not enough to become a puddle on the floor of their shared room, but rather, the way a bartender shapes a block of ice to his will, and then offers it for one to drink it down, to burn their throat with the taste.
forgive my ranting. turn the page and i shall paint you another picture; bunny, hesitant, slightly unnerved, all the ways unlike the picture richard has painted. imagine him as human and not as a villain of the story, the scapegoat -- imagine him, six feet three glory, boyish manner, and frankly obvious hesitance that henry extends his good graces over him. it's said that henry does not hold people of high standing to, yknow, high regard, but seeing bunny be so low despite what his parents raised him to be invokes and elicits a sense of pity from henry, that he offers to buy the poor boy a drink. perhaps, a truce. perhaps to get him drunk enough so he will not hum to the radio or yap along while henry reads. perhaps he extends his coat to him, a simple kindness, which bunny sees in a magnified light, a wonderful grace.
perhaps bunny rejected catholicsm so much because he found grace, held it, was held in it, and yet was let go by it -- or more specifically, was pushed into the ravine by what he considered the god that elevated him. perhaps he was so disgusted, so betrayed that what he considered a walking deity on earth would have such contempt for him.
the darker pictures, i shall set aside; picture bunny, first year, drawing henry. in which he captures what is behind the glasses, draws his scar so meticulously, draws that dark gaze and that square jaw and presses his fingers to it, withdraws because he desires to touch more than the lead of his pencil etched on the vellum.
Nway..... if like if the shipname wasnt winterbunny would it be like hunny or smthn
BE QUIET YOU CANT JUST BREAK MY FUCKING HEART AND TRY TO BRUSH IT OFF WITH THAT FINISHER. (yes a lot of people called it hunny or winterhare before i joined tumblr? i just use winterbunny a lot on my blog bcs it makes me think of a fluffy little snow rabbit :3)
I HATEE YOUUU (joking. i actually love you). you are such a good author btw, if you ever write any fics for them pls tell me about them, ITS AMAZING!! and sad! :(! Bunny mistaking Henry's pity-kindness to be some grand gesture of friendship MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAAAM SHUYT UP!!!! and HIM DRAWING HENY and getting all hot and bothered 😔😔😔 my poor rabbit. fuck henry me and my homies hate henry
#i wish i was this concise and like#yknw#BIG BRAINED with my fics but i just end up vomiting words cuz IDK#this made me sad for a variety of reasons#the secret history#bunny corcoran#tsh#henry winter#tsh donna tartt#winterbunny
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so sorry ppl that cant read are sending you messages about those posts but i get it completely. rheumatologists and osteos and NP's want to hear more abt my decade old severe anxiety and depression and adhd and ~more~ diagnoses than chronic debilitating pain and just slap vitamin D pills on it and throw up their hands because "test results are weird idk what to tell u even tho i said it was this two weeks ago". abled friends and coworkers can have conversations about their mental health struggles but its looked at self pityingly if i bring up how my life is irreparably damaged by my physical disability because disabled people have to be strong and resilient to earn a place in their field and if you cant cut it just get on those snazzy disability benefits and let it get worse. i think a lot of abled ND people just cant accept that they do not experience the worst of life's struggles and that solidarity doesnt make us the same
I try to be understanding and answer peoples questions politely when I have the spoons and if they are genuinely confused bc I used to be ignorant as well about a lot of aspects of physical disability but it gets so tiring. Nowadays there are a ton of resources from physically disabled people talking about their experiences its actually quite easy to educate yourself on our struggles. Like sorry I get a little frustrated and rude when I'm constantly bombarded by ableism and rude ass people.
Also yeah that's exactly what I've been trying to say. Doctors can usually relate to people having mental health struggles and even some aspects of neurodivergencey. But they cannot understand someone looking completely fine and not being able to detect anything but complaining of horrible pain and constant tiredness outside of the lense of mental health. And if your mental health is managed or only suffering because you are in constant pain, they say you're faking, or OBVIOUSLY you just need to lose weight, or drink more water, or exercise more than any able bodied person does. People take one look at me and think the solution is obvious and I'm just too stupid or lazy to figure it out.
And me saying this isn't saying that mental illness is super easy to deal with. Its fucking awful as well and many doctors say this shit to neurodivergents as well. And this is especially true for poc and people with psychosis or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.
I went to my first therapist in my sophomore year of highschool and got medicated that same year. I started investigating my health issues in college freshman year and have JUST gotten actual results from treatment. SIX fucking years later. SIX fucking years of CONSTANT PAIN. And I have great insurance and a great dad who just wants me to feel better (my mom is a different story). My parents are sort of upper middle class and I live in a very privileged area. Of course that means I can't afford to move out even with an ok salary, but at least there are plenty of doctors around to choose from and plenty of appointments available. I can't imagine how long it takes someone without those advantages. And even still I had to fight to be listened to, I had to listen to so much bs from doctors and had to go from doctor to doctor begging for someone to listen.
Like they really don't get how unbelievably hard it is to get care for physical disabilities, visible and invisible. If you're visibly disabled you get treated like a child and a monster and you're isolated from society. If you're invisibly disabled you get laughed at by doctors and ignored. If it's hard for you guys imagine that difficulty increased by 100%.
I try to be really visible when I'm working in a position I know has my back. I really try to educate young people and children on what my disability looks like and I hope disabled kids and kids who eventually become disabled can see me and know that their lives are valuable and they are valuable. And it is possible to find joy in your life and reasons to keep living. And employers shouldn't be able to throw away our resumes and pay us less just cause we may need a little extra help. I know what everyone thinks when they see me in my wheelchair and using my walking sticks and when I tell them I need to take a break as I'm running out of spoons. I know their first thought is what the hell am I doing here if I'm in so much pain? When people see me by myself in my wheelchair they think I must have gotten lost and separated from my abled handler. I love my job, I love what I do, and I want to be able to keep doing it. But I can't work as long as an abled person, I can't do it without accommodations. Hell abled people shouldn't be working as long as they do either. I wish to live a life where I'm free to do the work I love without killing myself and still be able to live a comfortable life. Every disabled person, working or not, deserves to live a comfortable life.
#chronic disability#chronic pain#physical disability#cripplepunk#spoonie#disability#working while disabled#sorry this is all kinda jumbled and longn#as you all know i write long posts#wrenfea.ask
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heyy can we hear more about the hlvrai portal au?
well so mostly it was an excuse to design glados!tommy and get really silly with quote redraws but in my brain it has an actual plot.
the idea i had was mostly like .. . yknow how glados in the original game is like 'ooh your parents hate you they left you oooh' . that but in this it's tommy going 'wooow youre SUCH a bad dad.. wow u dont even know where your son is...' and gordon rolling his eyes because joshua is the name of like, idk. like a toy he had or something. like in this au joshua is not real, sorry. i half wanted to make him a real son because like. i love joshua. but like, i feel like it'd be cruel to make him real and then put his dad in a pseudo torture labyrinth where a big sexy robot dude flirts with him while hes like. dying out there. so he's like, a stuffed cowboy with a broken pullstring that exists on the surface somewhere.
ALSO gordon is selectively mute. hes not completely mute he just prefers not to speak if he can help it. he has a very healthy and strong internal monologue though, one he often forgets everyone cant hear and he will wait for others to respond to what he said to them inside his own head.
and then like. wheatley as bubby was a stroke of genius on my part i believe because they're both cowardly little idiots. ( said affectionately for bubby and derogatorily for wheatley ) i think bubby would totally let the power go to his head literally immediately much the same way wheatley did and it just.. oooh baby it fits.
i never drew it out but i always imagined that coomer plays the part of like, every single core. and they all share consciousness and shit bc i think that's swag and makes the final boss really interesting because im a fruit and i think it would be cool if bubby, instead of being 'corrupted' is like.. comforted by having coomer around. do you see the vision. and when they get blasted to space they get to be gay little balls in space for forever. its perfect, ok? dont worry about it.
also benrey is rattman. i think that would be so cool. i dont have like, a deep meaning for this i just think it'd be really cool and rattman benrey would have a cool design.
also forzen is atlas and darnold is p body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is so important do NOT separate them!!!!!!!!! they are best fucking FRIENDS!!!!
g-man is g-man. but also cave johnson? he's tommy's dad you know how it is.
mmmm. didnt mean to write that much. if you have any more questions i will answer them all i love this au so much.
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i said id answer the ask game in full so here we go in all my oversharing glory:
1 - who is/are your comfort character(s)?
oh there are a few lmao - rinwell (tales of arise), eleanor hume (tales of berseria), velvet crowe (also tales of berseria), oginome ringo (penguindrum), kagemori michiru (bna)
yes i am a fucking weeb how have you not figured that out yet
2 - lighter or matches?
im bad with matches but they feel so much more real so them
3 - do you leave the window open at night?
i only did that for about a month ever in my life since my freshman year dorm didnt have a/c, besides that no i love feeling warm and stuffy
4 - which cryptyd being do you believe in?
i mean none of them really, but not out of some principled skepticism
i dont have an emotional connection to any cryptids so i dont really care about them
actually that's not true
i believe in the insulindian phasmid, despite it being fictional as well as a fictional cryptid
5 - what color are your eyes?
standard brown tbh
ive been complimented on them multiple times by multiple different ppl, many of whom i had never met
but idk they dont really seem that special to me
6 - why did you do that?
i wanted to answer all of these (said as much in my reblog), but i didnt have the motivation to until i desperately needed something to distract me from my piercings itching
they feel pretty much fine now but well i started so i cant stop
7 - hair-ties or scrunchies?
both! hair ties are great for when i part my hair into two different things i forget the name or for when i (rarely) braid
scrunchies are great for just holding my hair together when i need to sleep or get my hair out of my face or go out lazymoding
8 - how many water bottles are in your room right now?
just my one reusable stainless steel bottle, which i really need to refill and drink from brb
okay thanks for the reminder i wont go to bed dehydrated today
9 - which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?
lol. lmao.
i have intentionally consumed a meaningful amount of caffeine on about 3 occasions in my life, and none of them were from coffee
also it smells like shit
10 - would you slaughter the rich?
<redacted> <redacted> <redacted> <redacted> <redacted>
of course they would be given all opportunity to become not-rich and thus escape <redacted> <redacted> <redacted>
11 - favorite extracurricular activity?
this is a weird question to comprehend! i'll just interpret it as 'what was your favorite club-type thing you did in school?'
and to that i would have to make it a tie between rock climbing and puzzlehunt-style puzzles
12 - what kind of day is it?
a good one! granted i didnt get nearly enough sleep last night but besides that we vibing
13 - when was the last time you ate?
like 3 hours ago
14 - do you love the smell of earth after it rains?
i love the smell of earth rainy or not, the smell of cities, and generally the smell of outside!
except of course for the smells of cut grass and vehicle exhausts, each of which put me into a blinding rage for a couple seconds
15 - are you a parent? (all answers qualify)
not even a little bit but if i can reach a point of stability in my life i would be happy to adopt if im not actively prevented from doing so
or in the massive pipe dream scenario where i can get a functional womb implant, i would totally go through a pregnancy
16 - can you drive?
yes and i need to in order to get to my job >.<
17 - are you farsighted or nearsighted?
well this is a false dichotomy
i did wear glasses at one point but that was mostly bc my left eye is weird and didnt actually have anything to being far- or near-sighted
18 - what hair products do you use?
i mean. shampoo and conditioner
im not very picky tbh
19 - imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?
if you asked me to absolutely
i mean i wouldnt touch you without your consent ofc
but i would almost never turn down a low-stakes opportunity to help anyone im in proximity to
20 - do you say soda or pop?
soda im a marylander (i also drink like. one can of sierra mist a year)
however every time i think about soda i remember how fanta exists bc coke couldnt resist nazi money and that feels much weirder than a minor linguistics quirk
21 - something you’ve kept since childhood?
i dont really have an answer to that (assuming im counting childhood as like. pre-age-13)
i mean sure theres a lot of stuff thats just been in this house with me since i was 4, but i never did that consciously
all of my most treasured possessions now (hello kitty velvet plush, pentagonal trapezohedron that my teacher made and friends signed when i was sick just before graduating high school, a few books, blåhaj, etc) have only been mine since i was at youngest 17
22 - what type of person are you?
im not answering this it's too vague
23 - how do you feel about chilly weather?
HATE
okay that's a little harsh it's pretty fine once my body's used to it, but the first real chill of autumn fucks my body up
24 - if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?
idk probably just talking about random stuff
maybe playing cards or something since im much better at life when i have something not-directly-social to concentrate on
oh definitely looking at the sky and pointing out the clouds/birds/stars/moon to each other that one's mandatory
25 - perfume/body spray or lotion?
i put a moisturizer on my body after i shower so my eczema doesnt flare up and make my life hell but that's about it
i dont really care how i smell beyond just using deodorant
26 - a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?
oh god.
media:
various trans shouma and shouma x ringo and trans shouma x ringo scenes
other ships but that's really the important one by an order of magnitude
not media:
when i was younger i used to imagine my crush being my gf and kissing me or w/e
then after a certain point it was getting rejected / being alone with the hopes that it would convince me that i could be okay like that since i had reason to believe that my crush followed the imagining and not the other way around
i dont do either very much anymore
now it's just media or being a teacher trying to convince transphobic adults not to hate crime me or their children
i may or may not have issues
27 - about how many hours of sleep did you get?
depends very much on the day, i need about 9 hours on average but i am extremely flexible in where those hours are allocated over a 4-5 day period
28 - do you wear a mask?
i absolutely wear a kn95 almost all of the time that im indoors, and some of the time outdoors (like if im cold)
speaking of i need to get a good warm cloth mask so i can go biking in the winter without freezing my lungs
29 - how do you like your shower water?
warm but not quite scalding
30 - is there dishes in your room?
there are some wrappers but no my room is on the 2nd floor why would i bring dishes up here that sounds like a big hassle
31 - what type of music keeps you grounded?
flare by clark powell
there are a few other songs, some are homestuck and some aren't, but it really depends on how im feeling in the moment
flare doesnt
32 - do you have a favorite towel?
no i just wanna get dry
33 - the last adventure you’ve been on?
???
i have not been on adventures
my life is quite boring, which is why it's good that im equally boring so i can enjoy it
34 - is there a song you know every word to by heart?
bad apple!! i think (jp obviously have i mentioned being a weeb)
a few other jp songs and some crane wives songs i also have a solid grasp on the lyrics to, but i couldnt recite them the same way i could for bad apple, at least a couple years ago
35 - what’s your timezone?
est (eastern summer time)
(what do you mean thats not what est means and that its not est right now)
36 - how many times have you changed your url?
i dont think i have, but my tumblr acct is fairly new so thats pretty expected
ive been considering moving away from the 'shill' branding, but ill probably do that when/if i change my name for real
37 - someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?
if youve gotten this far youve probably already read my answer to the actual ask for this
suffice it to say i have a friend from elementary school ive stayed in contact with up to and including now and i love him
38 - a soap bar that smells good?
soap bars dry my skin out so i dont use them
39 - do you use lip balm?
when i remember to (almost never)
40 - did you have any snacks today?
girl i would not be myself if i wasnt grabbing a cookie every time i remember that they exist
41 - how do you take your coffee?
this is bullying
42 - an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?
twitter (T_T)
discord
i just got on the cracking the cryptic app bc sudokus are fun
i also have a crossword app
i also have bandori on my phone but i havent opened it in a month and im scared to bc of the downloads
43 - what’s your take on spicy foods?
spicy foods are generally good bc the ppl who make them know how to make food
im neutral on spice though
like i have a decent spice tolerance but it doesnt really taste better or worse when a food is spicy hot
similar feelings to garlic, like garlicky foods taste good but so do non-garlic versions of those same foods
44 - you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?
im not answering that cop
45 - can you remember what happened yesterday?
yeah i went to work, got some b day congratulations, and ate dalbati + cake with my parents it was good
46 - favorite holiday film?
i watched knives out during that period of time in 2019 so im counting it and i dont care that its not a holiday film at all i dont care about christian holidays beyond decorating the tree bc my family's done it since i was a baby
47 - what was the last message you sent?
"okay here's a promise for yxll: im gonna stream tomorrow (tomorrow being wednesday, im not allowed to claim that it being past midnight means shit)"
my twitch is twitch.tv/its_a_shill if you care i stream tales games
48 - when did you first try an alcohol beverage?
summer solstice party 2021 (i was 3 months out from being 21 so like. not exactly transgressive)
it was just a bottle of apple cider and since then i really havent drank anything more than that
49 - can you skip rocks?
not to the point that i could get 4-5 skips in a row, and it has been a while, but i know the general mechanics and ive gotten a couple good skips
50 - can i tag you in random stuff?
id prefer if you dm'd me but sure
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Would u consider telling us about that evil PE teacher
ok im putting it under a read more bc its long + cw for mention of child harm
so. ok. some important context for how much this guy should not ever have been a teacher at all. he was originally a pe teacher at my old elementary school (i got lucky and never had him personally but he was known for being Mean) but he lost that job after an incident w a student. i dont actually know the exact details of what happened bc the media coverage obviously didnt give out any details that could identify anyone involved + i was in middle school at that point so u can imagine the amount of different stories that was being passed around (the one i heard the most was that he had hung a kid on a clothing hook by their collar and left them there after class but again i cant say if thats true or not). all i know for sure is there was Some sort of physical punishment that had happened and a lot of parents got involved and stuff it was a pretty big deal especially for such a small town. anyway this alone should tell u how much he sucked and u would THINK that this guy would get barred from ever working with kids again but no, for some reason he had invincible job security and he just ended up at my middle school instead.
as for my first hand experience w him. well. he was just straight up a bully. he blatantly played favorites w the more athletic kids while actively bullying those of us who couldnt keep up to his standards - like he would single out kids to mock in front of the whole class if they didnt perform well and after tests he would read out all the lowest scores with names for everyone to hear. i was told he also made comments in the boys locker rooms a lot too that led to a lot of kids skipping showers. and he was Ruthless, pretty much every class with him ended with at least one person in tears and we would all end up having little therapy sessions in the locker rooms afterwards. and on top of all this we all Knew about the thing at his old school so everyone was just kind of scared of him in general.
and like of course we all spoke up (including the kids who he played favorites with, everyone stood up for each other) but it didnt do much bc. obviosuly this guy didnt respect any of us to begin with lol. i think our homeroom teacher did try to step in at some point but that didnt help either. towards the end of the semester our class representative said enough was enough and wrote a petition detailing all the shit hed been doing and the whole class happily signed it and it was given to the principal. we all also agreed to just not show up to the next gym class that week as protest. this all finally got the point across (or maybe the school was just worried about backlash since this guy already had history idk) and he was removed as our teacher the next semester but for some ungodly reason stayed at our school as the religion teacher of all things?? we never had him again but i felt bad for the other classes that got stuck w him instead
i have no idea if hes still a teacher but man. i sure hope not.
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Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX)
There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:
A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((
a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5 when it was rlly out of place and there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.
a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy
OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write
also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.
ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.
Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.
Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme
Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-
#tgcf#🐌.txt#long post#text heavy#god its 1am im queuing this for the daytime bc i need yall to read this and scream with me bc these wouldve been such better extra chapters#oh fuck this is 1.3k words ajfaskjfklasfjksd#i should just write my own extras at this point now.. fuck mxtx
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Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored
Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality
I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-
When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)
Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.
now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-
Jam out!
... I don't even know what to say to this
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animorphs!!!
ok I read animorphs when I was 10 or 11 I think? and I only read it once, along w/the spinoffs and stuff, and I've always meant to revisit it...SO HERE I AM....
and oh MAN I forgot how good this series is. like I knew it was good but some things from your childhood don't hold up yknow? especially books aimed at younger audiences
but oh boy does animorphs hold up. they're easy to read and perfectly balance the line between dark/adult topics and more kid-friendly lessons. excellent
so yeah I'm loving it so far. I forgot how fast some stuff happens lmao, like I forgot that tobias gets trapped as a bird in the FIRST BOOK
also I just adore how realistically disorganized/confused the animorphs are. like, they got the elevator pitch version of the conflict from elfangor before my mans got eaten, and also they're middle schoolers. of course they’re always just like ‘wtf do we even do’
so like...their plans mostly don't work. and even when planning they run into tons of logistical issues w/morphing, traveling, communicating etc.
and I love how they clearly need to maintain their normal lives as well in order not to raise any suspicion
and I like the little details like them not spending all their time together at school because they didn’t before so that would be suspicious
oh man and I love the different family dynamics in the series. you have jake, whose family seems pretty normal until we find out that tom is a controller, and rachel, whose parents are divorced, and who has to deal w/the complications of that. and then cassie, who is an only child (I like that we have a mix, with rachel and jake having siblings), and of course marco...
iirc marco was one of my favs (if not my fav, but its hard to choose) back in the day, and I forgot how reluctant he was to participate in the animorphs thing...and the fact that he was about to quit the team and then runs into visser 1.....
another fucked up little moment I liked - when they morphed dolphin and marco had to morph back to human bc he gets injured and he was like ‘I cant swim, and my mom drowned, I don't want to die like she did’ I was like oooof
also on that topic I adore how little the animorphs know about how anything works. like they once wondered if there's a limit to how many morphs they can acquire and they were basically like ‘idk guess we’ll find out’
and then when marco got injured as a dolphin and they were like ‘morph back I guess and hopefully you'll be okay?’ like damn luckily that worked
basically these books do The Most Excellent Job showing that these are just kids. like they're literally in jr high which is 90s speak for middle school....they're like 13???? at most???
and the narrative reflects that perfectly!! all of them, even rachel who is pretty much the most gung-ho about fighting and stuff, have nightmares and all these terrible experiences bc they don't have basically any guidance
and even with ax, it’s immediately obvious that he’s also just a kid, even though he’s this deadly alien....
also oh mannnn I love so much how we’re introduced to the andalites as this heroic race and how that slowly changes over the course of the story
like, when elfangor introduces himself as ‘prince’ you assume he’s part of the andalite monarchy - but later we find out that ‘prince’ is a military rank, and the andalites are a lot more militaristic than we would assume at the beginning
its so fantastic how it starts off as a fairly black and white conflict of andalites = good guy aliens and yeerks = bad guy aliens
and you even have some background stuff going on w/the taxxons being controllers by choice, and the hork-bajir being enslaved
but as the story goes on, all of those lines get blurred in different ways...
also ooof the poor hork-bajir. I always felt so bad for them. it’s crazy that even in the first book, the animorphs are killing their enemies - at least I inferred that in book 1, but it becomes way more overt later on...the tough situation of them knowing that the hork-bajir are unwilling hosts but that they’re so dangerous that not killing them could be fatal to the good guys
and ngl this time around I have a lot more sympathy for the yeerks, even tho they don't really deserve it (at least in the early parts of the story where I am rn)
like...they're just these blind helpless slug creatures, but they're also fully sentient and intelligent? like, that's so fucked up. imagine yourself as you are now, but you're just a sensory deprived slug swimming in a pool. that's pretty fucked. and then the fact that the yeerks are biologically made to be parasites...its kinda no wonder that they ended up the way they are (and it also makes stuff like the yeerk peace movement really compelling)
also wow I kinda forgot about all the body horror w/the morphing. like ik that's one of the things that animorphs is known for but like. I forgot how much it happens and how creative the horrifying descriptions are. I love it
and omfg so when I first read this series the ellimist stuff confused me a lot bc I didn't read the books That closely (I mostly wanted to see what would happen next) but I loooove time travel bullshit so I’m really enjoying it so far
even tho tbh I think even if I had paid more attention as a 10 yr old I still would've been confused bc the ellimist stuff is kinda just inherently confusing lmao
ok and I just love the characters,,,I love that the books switch perspectives, and KAA did such a masterful job of portraying differing and realistic reactions to their situation....like, all the animorphs react so differently to their circumstances, but their reactions are all so grounded in realism and also their personalities
like man I love rachel. she was one of my favs as a kid too bc I always loved female characters and she was just so cool. and she still is, and so excellently written too
liiiike the fact that even though she’s so tough and brave, she’s still a kid and has plenty of moments when she’s scared or uncertain...
and I just really like the fact that she out of all of them is the one who’s tough and loves to fight...and the fact that she also unapologetically loves shopping and stuff like that...its about the multifaced characters
just like how marco is the ‘funny guy’ but they make it very clear from the beginning that this is his way of coping w/shit like his family falling apart, and then alien BS
and also marco is really smart? I kinda forgot abt that (sorry marco) but I like that bc that's uncommon to see with ‘funny’ characters
oh mannnn and ax. I love ax. I forgot a whole bunch about the early stuff w/him and how conflicted he was w/keeping secrets from the other animorphs
KAA did such a fantastic job w/ax - he really comes across as the perfect mix of ‘fish out of water alien’ and ‘young teen/tween’ and ‘alien from a strict militaristic society who is in training to become a soldier like his famous older brother’
n that was so sad n fucked up when he called the andalite home world and had to tell everyone (including his parents) that elfangor died, and then the elders or w/e forced ax to take blame for elfangor breaking their laws in order to preserve elfangor’s postmortem reputation, even at the cost of ax’s career/life :(
and man I loved the part where ax is like ‘well, we didn't help the hork-bajir even tho we could have and now they're all enslaved. I'm not letting that happen to the humans’ and the council or w/e is like ‘well you should let it happen, don't interfere’ and ax basically realizes oh shit sometimes adults are wrong
basically I love the conflict there, where the andalites are the ones who gave the yeerks the technology that led to them spreading across the galaxy like a disease, and now fight to stop them due to their guilt, but also refuse to directly help the less advanced species who are being invaded by the yeerks for fear of making a similar mistake like w/the yeerks....
ooooof and the part where ax is like ‘guess I have to go fight visser 3 and die’ :( he’s just a babyyyy
and augh when alloran asks them to kill him....geeeez there’s so much fucked up stuff already and I'm not even in the double digits yet
oh my god and the brutally awful fact that any freed controller will just get tracked down by the yeerks and murdered so the secret invasion stays secret...and the animorphs think that by destroying the kandrona they've freed a bunch of controllers but really they just signed their death warrants - what a catch 22
oh and I love how even early on the yeerks aren't a completely unified force - we have the obvious rivalry w/visser 1 and visser 3, with visser 1 even arranging the animorphs release from visser 3′s prison bc of this, and that yeerk who told ax where to find visser 3 because he was pissed that his yeerk gf got killed by visser 3 - even though the reason she was killed was due to kandrona rationing, which was caused by the animorphs...i love the layers
ok what else. oh yeah I love tobias sm, he was one of my favs as a kid too, his whole story is so deeply tragic but also interesting and we haven't even gotten into all the stuff w/his parents yet
the part where he’s freaking out as a hawk and he’s gonna fly into the windows even tho he knows it’ll probably kill him...christttt
also tobias and rachel are so romance aughhhh
ok also jake - he was never my favorite when I was younger bc I felt like he had Basic Protag Man Syndrome but now I can appreciate his character a lot more. like, he basically got elected the leader and he’s kinda like ‘guess I have to do this now.’ and that of course ends up fucking him up majorly in the long run bc even tho he’s more serious and responsible, he’s still just a kid too
and I loooove the horror of finding out that tom is a controller, and jake having to contend w/the fact that it’s very likely that he’ll have to fight and/or kill his brother someday
also the book where jake gets infested w/a yeerk was one of my favs and still is. so fucked up and interesting. the fact that that yeerk was previously tom’s made it even more fucked, w/the yeerk taunting jake the whole time
and then the yeerk dying in jakes head...so messed up
omg and cassie too. I love cassie. I didn't appreciate her as much when I was younger bc I was a straightforward kid who liked action, and cassie is all about pacifism when possible and compassion, which I love a lot now that I Get it more.
cassie being such a gentle person but still fighting in this fucked up war bc doing nothing would be worse is super compelling. plus the conflicts with her having to figure out where she and humanity fit in the circle of life and whatnot is great
I loved the contrast of her being very aware of how nature works bc of working w/her parents and all these injured animals, but also being so compassionate that it still bothers her to see death and especially participate in it
like her feeling awful about killing the termite queen even tho its ‘just a bug’ and stuff
basically what makes the series great isn't that it’s got all these fucked up moments and horror elements and is overall quite dark - it’s that all of it comes together to make the point that war is hell, and child soldiers are gonna end up traumatized pretty much no matter what happens
it’s a very strong message, and the story never feels like it’s being dark just for the sake of being dark, but rather never letting the reader forget how awful things are
TL;DR: anirmorphs is to the YA genre what hunter x hunter is to the shounen genre
in animorphs, the heroes of the story are kids who get cool powers and get to fight aliens - in any other YA story they would have a bunch of fun adventures and come out on top most/all the time - things might get darker towards the end, but good would prevail. the evil yeerks would be stopped, and the main couples would get married and have kids and live happily ever after.
however, war isn't like that, especially when the soldiers are kids. so instead we get animorphs, and it’s brutally realistic. they barely ever get to enjoy their powers - on the rare occasion that they get to, something usually goes horribly wrong
compare to hxh - it seems like a regular shounen story about kids participating in a fantastical mostly-adult world and being able to match the adults bc they're Special - but as the story wears on it becomes clear that the kids are just very traumatized. this all leads to gon’s berserker collapse in the chimera ant arc, which is led up to masterfully w/a bunch of adults treating gon as an adult even though he’s a child.
essentially the same thing happens in animorphs - with jake being shoved into the leader role and becoming a military general as a kid, which leads to him committing horrific war crimes because he’s been put in a position no child should ever have to be in
similarly, kurapika has what would be a very straightforward revenge plotline in any other story - but this is hxh, so the bad guys aren't just 2-dimensional evil caricatures, and the road to revenge just leads kurapika to ruin. we root for kurapika to win bc they’re a character we like, but it becomes clearer and clearer as the story goes on that getting revenge is not the path kurapika should be taking
nothing is ever as straightforward as we want it to be, basically. and the same applies to animorphs. so many times they're faced with conflicts that seem to have an obvious answer, only for it to be revealed later that the choices they made led to other unforeseen awful consequences
ok i need to stop rambling this is already super long. basically: animorphs good. I’ll probably do another post like this semi-soon as I continue reading (I'm partway thru book 10 now)
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Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101
Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL
Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)
Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.
Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is
Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like
The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet
Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK
There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)
Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.
Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.
I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.
Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)
I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.
Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!
#history 4: close to you#history 4#a thot#god my anxiety was thru the roof turns out i needed to eat
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god okay this is horrible and depressing but like...
im absolutely terrified of the future of this world??
I've tried to talk to my parents about it but they just keep saying it'll be fine and the world has been bad before and things are actually much better than they have been in the past.
that might be true SOCIALLY but politically this is a nightmare, and environmentally??? our world is crashing and burning and it's too late to turn any of it back. it's just going to keep going downhill from here. and STILL no one is listening.
people are outraged over banning plastic straws, over having to wear masks, over acknowledging that ppl's lives fucking MATTER. i don't even want to imagine what would happen if we told them that they have to do Bigger and Harder things than these little steps!
and it's not ENOUGH. none of these tiny things are enough bc bigger and more powerful groups of people won't listen and won't acknowledge the harm they're doing.
this world is crumbling around us and the ppl in charge only care abt their personal well-being. not their descendants, not their neighbours, not even their family sometimes. just their own self.
I'm noticing effects of climate change in my own town, the way the weather is strange and has changed since we moved here in Big Ways. It's terrifying. and all i can do and laugh humourlessly and say "ah, climate change!" while the terror gnaws at me and slowly grows bigger.
it's almost impossible to afford living in decent comfort. capitalism is killing people. no one cares about anyone else, especially if they're homeless or addicts. we cant even agree on if everyone deserves basic human rights or not. thats absolutely insane.
if the earth gets irreversibly fucked up, we're all very well going to die. and that inevitable ending is hurtling towards us faster and faster. it's terrifying to see, especially as i learn more and more about nature and my own local ecosystem. I'm watching it play it out right in front of my eyes!
anyways. I'm very tired. I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it out of this household w my family ties intact. Idk how im going to have a life that i can feel good about. im just tired.
#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#idk what to even begin tagging this with im very sorry#pls let me know if u need smth tagged#negative /
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mdzs read diary part IV, the end
It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF
dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math
chicken
he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....
IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point
this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE
This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”
ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems
it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to
I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off
doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!
ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.
I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!
I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:
I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.
god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug
HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think
aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please
- CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.
- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS
- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow
- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them
- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME
- I want to Draw
- ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably
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Breaking Dawn could've been "Bella Swan and her adventures as a newborn" but ig that's too much to ask for
Hear me out, this post is a little long and mostly ranting but if you can make sense of it, please read lol.
Lmfao there is no way in hell Edward and Bella could ever fucking raise a child on their own. They can barely even function on their own without making terrible ass decisions. The brain cells they share amount to maybe 1. They're just that couple, yk. Like, they would seem like people who'd be the Fun Parents but still, it's just not for them. It's not even a bad thing. Nah. That forever will be the worst decision.
(As I refuse to use that god awful name, I will just refer to them as "child" or "baby")
Bella is still a child really, 17/18/19 years old is still too young for any of those life altering decisions. Bella never thought about/wanted kids. She was not ready to be a mother. And Edward? Sure hes old but like..idk man, I cant see either of them as parents.
It just shouldn't have ever happened.
They could've lived the life everyone at 17/18/19 would dream of. Travel the world, learn new languages, get degrees (without worrying about debt bc you're a Cullen now so take advantage of that shit lol). Like, there are literally so many amazing things Bella could do now. Immortal and oodles of money??? Smh (idk maybe that's my dream lmao)
However, if having a child was that crucial to the story, it could've been done so much better. Like removing that pedophilia type shit for starters and not creating a baby for the sake of being some man's future gf. Also, a couple does NOT need children to live a happy and fulfilling life. Bella KNEW that from day one so everything that followed makes no sense-
Anywayy!
Ok, so imagine- these 2 dumbasses getting pregnant on their honeymoon.
Maybe Edward isnt so much of a dick and maybe ok, bella is thinking she can do this. She wants this.
She almost dies for her baby, shes turned and Jacob has no gross tie to a literal newborn. And instead of Irina and the volturi, they just raise the goddamn kid. All the while, though, Bella is freaking out bc this is hard and scary and not what she thought.
Vampirism is amazing and great and so is Edward but like I've said a bunch already, she never wanted kids. She's young, barely even knows who she is and panics.
So despite her excruciating love for Edward we have a story about Bella running away. She loves her child but now maybe she made the wrong decision. Maybe Edward was right.
So then we have a story of Bella adventuring off and learning how to vampire mostly on her own- as well as Bella learning who she is. Shes young and never even started to learn who she is and what she really really wants as an individual. Bc it is in fact Bella, she doesn't wanna be away from Edward but she knows the baby needs a parent there so it works out and she can learn to be her own person.
She runs into other vampires, sometimes its friends and sometimes not so much.
But we get this new perspective of not only a nomadic vampire but its Bella. Shes about 8 months then maybe? But super control works out in her favor so it's ok. She learns how to work with her shield mostly alone, maybe she almost slips but she doesn't.
We can see Peter and Charlotte and learn more about what life is like for past newborn soldiers. And other types across the world, even. The Egyptian coven, Irish coven- it'd be super cool to see different vampires and how they live. They give Bella advise and shit too.
She talks to the baby eventually, and then it's an every night thing. She starts to send post cards and gifts as time goes on. She aches to see her baby and Edward but shes still so scared.
Maybe it's just a year but Bella comes back and gushes about it all but also desperately apologizes and loves the crap out of her daughter and husband. Things get better, baby is bigger bc of creepy half vampire shit and then the three of them get close and then go off and adventure forever.
Bella knows she shouldn't have just run from her responsibilities but she was a panicking teenage mother who is also a vampire. She needed to figure out her own shit.
Shes still the mother but Bella and her child don't have a typical relationship. Its weird but not bad bc the baby had a better upbringing and shit. They're relationship is strong and so is hers with Edward and everyone else.
Idk how you could add Jacob and everyone else into the story, including Charlie, but this isnt about them. It's not a romance or anything, it's just a story of a young girl thrust into an unfamiliar life and she tries her best to cope.
(Yeahh, I wrote most of this stoned and I edited it after it was in my drafts but still. It's an interesting thought. Idk you could take this however, even add to it lmao)
#twilight#twilight headcanon#bella swan#edward cullen#bella cullen#that baby was an actual mistake lmfao#let Bella learn to be herself#have her figure out what life is and what she wants#you dont need children to be happy#COUPLES DONT NEED KIDS TO HAVE A FULFILLED LIFE#women dont need babies to be happy#my fucking pet peeve#pet peeve#shitty writing#my headcanons#twilight but better plz#please lmao#vampires#twilight vampires#resume cullen#racist sexist POS st*phenie m*yer#rantings#sorry for the rant#rant
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university!au: day6 sungjin
i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again
name: park sungjin
major: practical music and arts
other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club
park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership
i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight
and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended
anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk
but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold
you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect
dad jokes are fucking funny fight me
you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club
......he’s currently considering it
oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.
he joined cooking club for a reason okay
no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks
uh we love a man with manners
so, who is sungjin for you exactly?
he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche
can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying
you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy
you still depend on him even after you two have grown up
you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of
this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao
that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu
the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application
reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument
you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen
brat
"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”
“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”
“fuck you”
“i don’t accept offers”
anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band
you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party
the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat
sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you
and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party
failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party
dowoon what the heck?????
yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister
thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating
they’re glad thats the case
because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST
they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi
you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him
sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”
“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”
“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”
little did you know that sungjin had the same problem
some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”
this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff
“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”
you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do
sungjin: do you like him tho
you: not really idk him yet
sungjin: just tell him your mom said no
you: damn nice
but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him
so you two went together and it was pretty fun
sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul
he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”
“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”
but you always told him everything
sungjin never speaks about it again
you go on another date with sandeul the week after
you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went
hes just “oh”
idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts
he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often
have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???
you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after
weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence
but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin
you shouldve known dowoon cant help much
“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”
“but what if wonpil told sungjin”
“told sungjin what?”
“that i asked about him”
“asked him what?”
“...nevermind”
you asked younghyun
younghyun doesnt help either
“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man
okay fine lets ask jae
“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”
“dude im broke”
“then deal with it yourself”
you had no choice but to ask wonpil
“he’s just tired”
you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything
“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”
why do you befriend them in the first place smh
oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind
sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”
“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”
skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person
youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”
you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him
“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"
you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"
"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"
drama much ryn
"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"
"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"
and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched
jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"
lame jae lame
dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"
you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"
you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"
"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"
the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,
because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin
but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there
sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you
sap
you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why
tender love baby chICKEN TENDER
mydayexol follow me
andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.
wow ur so popular i cant Relate
you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come
sungjin, replying to you: hmm
you: ???
sungjin: i think its up to you
for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says
right?
right???
but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go
you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say
sungjin: tell him you already have a date
you: nice
sungjin: with me
you: ayyeee
you: wait what
sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion
sungjin: which you can accept
sungin: or reject
for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle
so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner
it was really nice
so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.
ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”
“lol sry i changed my mind”
“fuck you”
“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”
“is he ur mom”
“basically yeah”
this sucks real bad but who cares
not me obviously
ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE
#day6#sungjin#park sungjin#day6 imagines#day6 scenarios#day6 fanfic#day6 reactions#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop reactions#im sorry sungjin#ive put this on hold for too long i already forgot what i wanted to write in the first place#bye
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Star Tear AU - Momo ver.
This is an AU I wrote on the todomomo discord server eons ago. Anything posted to this blog will be transcripts of old original work and not really edited, save for formatting. I have no guarantees if I will ever finish these AUs either so these will only be kept as an archive.
Original transcript posted to tdmm discord: Aug 2020
Momo ver.
Alternate timeline: Todo ver. Part 1 || Todo ver. Part 2 || Todo ver. Part 3
ALRIGHT YALL NEW TROPE ALERT ➡ STAR TEAR DISEASE
Basically the cousin of Hanahaki Disease. Unrequited love causes a person to cry star tears accompanied by the sound of twinkling and if the feelings are not returned said person goes colour blind
And I just !!!!
tdmm AU where Momo gets star tear disease and the first time she cries in front of Todo after the exam with Aizawa she cries star tears???
And she doesn’t know what it means and neither does Todo but maybe Aizawa does and recognizes what it means but idk
So Momo goes on this whole literary quest to research what it means. And Todo volunteers to help bc umm?? Even the pressure point in her foot doesnt stop this phenomenon so he wants to figure it out too
And along the way they dig through the UA library on study dates and dig through the bookstores and dig through the interwebs together
Spending more and more time together, Momo starts to realize she’s feeling something. that is until one night she finds it on the web what star tears mean
Its her unrequited love for Todoroki
And her realizing this just makes it w or s e
Bc the consequence of not having her feelings returned means she goes colour blind
Or you know what, im just gonna alter it and make it more angst. She goes fully blind, ya lets do that.
SO MOMO
Poor bby is grappling with this realization and coming to terms with it all on her own; recognizing that if she doesnt let Todo know after all this time spent together she’s come to love him....... she'll go blind
But ofc its Momo... poor bby selfless Momo....
Her feelings and her own and not a responsibility of Todo to like her back and cure her of this disease so there is NO WAY she’s gonna burden him with that
Plus they’re both too busy tryna be heroes and shouldn’t have this as a distraction
So ofc Momo's not gonna tell Todo
And she cries and cries even more star tears that twinkle in fill her room in the dark like galaxies in the sky.
Its really beautiful.
She'll accept that she'll go blind never to see the face of her loved ones again. Her parents. Her friends....... Todoroki.
And that potentially she might have to give up her dream of being a hero if the blindness compromises it.
But she'll accept that.
The next day she wakes up and cant see a colour
And slowly it begins.......
She loses green first. Its hard to distinguish green from yellow
Then yellow goes
Then orange
Then one by one colour fades over weeks and weeks
Ofc shes not telling anyone.
She fakes it in class, during hero training, during her internship
That when Ochako and Hagakure asks "isnt the colour dress cute?" holding up a lovely chartreus and gold dress, she lies and says yes even though she sees gray
Which breaks her even more
And so she cries alone at night some more star tears
And it keeps going
All the while Todo noticing from beside his desk......
something is off...
But he doesnt ask her. Not yet.
Because after weeks of spending time with her researching, he believes they’re close enough that she'll share with him what’s going on
He didnt question it when she told him "its ok Todoroki san, we can stop researching"
"Did you figure it out?"
"Yes. Its nothing to be concerned about anymore"
He doesnt question it when he notices her in the morning at breakfast,,, the little speckles of star dust glimmering at the corner of her eyes
And he doesnt question himself either when he starts to think the twinkling tears she cries when she thinks she is alone,, makes her look really beautiful
Its those some odd moments when he passes the classrooms on the way back to the dorms at sunset that he sees her alone by the window,, looking out,, as the sun paints the sky reds pinks yellows and oranges,,, that she stares out and star tears fall from her eyes, twinkling in the setting light
And he thinks to himself that she is really beautiful,, a shadow against the setting sun
So he watches and thinks some more
That shes beautiful even without the sunset. Beautiful in class answering the hardest question. Beautiful in battle when her tactics win over her opponent. Beautiful studying when he notices her little motions when shes concentrating.
But while Todo thinks that to himself, Momo cries. Little star tears in her eyes.
She cant see the sunset anymore.
.
.
.
He doesnt think its serious when she tells him to disregard the matter
But when he happens to run into her when visiting his mom at the hospital, and she’s on her way out from the optometry & ophthamology department to get this whole eye thing checked out, thats when he realizes
Oh. This is serious.
And he starts trying to get her to talk but she’s being all avoidy and tight lipped
Cuz from Momo’s doctors’ appointment, the doc told her there’s no cure unless she gets over the feelings herself or her feelings are returned
And really now, she still thinks its her burden to bare not his
So logically the only thing she thinks she can do to slow down the blindness from the tears is to shut down her feelings for him. Put them in a box. And become cold.
Todoroki hates that.
That she’s being avoidant and cold when he knows something is wrong and wants to help her but she is being so not Momo anymore
He wants the kind, loving, selfless, pure hearted, strong Momo he's grown to learn and respect and know back
And that’s when he realizes he really cares for her
Not just admiring her beauty. Or respecting her battle instincts and leadership
That he realizes he really likes her
Perhaps even loves her.
So thats that.
Until its mission time.
Cuz its not angst until someone gets hurt and the other realizes they’ve been keeping a secret all this time sooooooooo
Smth smth UA kids vs a new baddie or minor villian or idk it could be dabi for all i want bc i put dabi in everything lmaooo
But who they’re fighting is not important
The important part is tdmm are on the same team
Maybe deployed as partners even
And theyre fighting back to back against some grunts
And at this point Todo is frustrated he’s not getting through to Momo just after he shook his own world realizing he likes her
And Momo's being all cold but civil and she is completely colour blind.
Theres no undoing the damage in her eyes. She can see in muted muddy tones and grayscale.
So for plot convenience lets say the villain has some kinda colour distortion quirk that mixes up the perception of colour from the true colour in a form of illusion or smth idk
So when the grunts in all black uniform end up attacking them, to Todo and Momo, one looks dressed in red, another in green, others in blues yellows purples
tdmm do pretty well fending them off until Todo notices 3 of them in blue green and purple about to attack Momo at once
And she’s ready to fend them off but doesnt notice a 4th one in red coming in for a swift sneak atttack right behind the green one
But Todo does notice
And he shouts
"YAOYOROZU THE RED ONE"
But she cant tell
And the knife lands deep in her shoulder
And Todo burns the rest to a crisp
You can imagine what the conversation is in the aftermath, when Momo has her shoulder bandaged up and Todo tending his own wounds
"Yaoyorozu.. please be honest with me. Why didnt you avoid the red one when I shouted?"
Because, he knows, that the heroine Creati he's trained along side with for so long would have been able to anticipate the grunts assault
That she would have expected a sneak attack amidst a simultaneous attack
But the fact that she didnt. Couldnt. Avoid it definitely means shes been handicapped
And Momo, upon being asked, hurt and tired from their battle finally relents
She cant lie to him any longer.
"It was because... i couldnt tell. I couldnt distinguish their colours. I havent been able to for a few weeks now.... I've..."
A star tear falls from her eyes.
"I've lost my colour vision Todoroki-san"
Tiny galaxies fall from her eyes as she finally explains to him what these tears are
And Todo is speechless as she talks, only able to hear the twinkles against her words broken against sniffles and hiccups
And when sh’es said all she knows - that this is a disease that will turn her blind, that there is no cure and it comes as a consequence of loving someone who doesnt love you back, that she doesnt want to burden the person she loves with her responsibility, that she has been trying bury her feelings to save herself ...
He finally asks: "Who is it. Tell me who it is that you love Yaoyorozu"
.
.
.
.
"You. Its you Todoroki-san"
And his heart broke.
He pulls her into a hug,, so tight she thinks she might be crushed
And its his turn to cry against her
Because all this time she was doing this for him
"Im sorry Momo. Im so sorry. You dont have to suffer alone anymore. Because we're partners, long before I even realized it"
"Eh?"
He looks into her eyes, unwavering
"Im in love you too."
The tears that fall from her next are no long starlight.
Epilogue/trivia:
Momo loses her colour vision following the colour wheel starting with green ➡ yellow, orange, red, etc until blue is last to go
Shes most heartbroken about losing red and blue cuz those are the colours she associates with Todo (when she cant see the sunset anymore its when she realizes she lost red and that’s why she’s crying)
Since the damage of the disease cant be restored, she has to deal with greyscale vision for some years
Eventually Eri rewinds it for her once Eri can control her power
but for those some years Momo is so busy!! cuz she goes into genius mode and starts creating (and probably working with Hatsume) vision impairment accessibility tools? Yes
and bc I have an unhealthy obsession with the todofam, Natsuo probably ends up getting a case of the disease for some odd reason if he ever broke up with his gf and Todo upon hearing it is like NO GO TELL HER PLS
He’s not gonna let anyone else on the other end feel the guilt that he did for Momo
> archives masterpost
#todomomo#todoroki shouto#momo yaoyorozu#tdmm star tear au#ruiyukis unfinished aus#sorry not sorry#for spamming the tag#this ones my baby#im so attached to it#much like tdmm learning to love#angst with a happy ending#oops heres a bandaid for your heart
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homestuck recap
i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there
anyways here it is
also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)
also that this is long
you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance
ive been coping with humor to get me through it
neato.
have fun with what i suffered through:
why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?
like did i miss a page???
OH its the beta version of HS thats why
damn its like 5 pages and thats it
mmh
well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.
do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”
thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.
god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did
i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now
cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz
flashbacks are starting up already
yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl
that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.
OH W A IT SHIT
i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place
my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.
oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that
little did rose know where that would get her right now
oh yeah
there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.
still think shes some weird spy or secret agent
i kinda love her ngl
anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?
oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf
and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red
huh, how times change
i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again
yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?
OH that makes also much more sense
bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.
i gotcha
man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat
are you
telling me
the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?
THE EGG
THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”
of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this
man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt
damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet
okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig
man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow
the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?
we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks
oh yeah that reveal
god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh
bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog
who lowkey
is doing better than bro
who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao
dreambot = terminator. im telling you.
sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”
why is the entire game session highlighted
i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY
okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout
which is honestly cool
idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.
yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching
yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.
especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION
pls can this be the halfway point to the recap
AT LEAST
so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.
speaking of jack
man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl
OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN
and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.
also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..
she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far
oh yeah okay
but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?
anyways
exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.
noice
i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.
yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute
fuck yeah the dick head
hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them
anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”
UH WHAT
WHAT
OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO
THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!
so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.
which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.
and jade is space. witch of space.
nice
i have no idea what that means ngl
okay finally
we’re at the trolls
maybe this recap will end soon
i remember when i thought they were internet bullies
yesss
someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke
it be like that, i annoy many
then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse
imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens
ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that
nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background
i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes
but theyre trying
OH MY GOD
I GET IT
FUCK
DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??
AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS
GOD D A M N
wow
i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”
flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans
anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really
he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song
i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh
trolling strategies
anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.
i wonder why it explodes
more importantly
....
terminator time?
this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.
absolutely gold.
all except AT’s rap.
GC was the only smart one with the linear shit
anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so
that will be fun for the future
john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there
yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things
OH and the white queen was the cursive
damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk
oHHH
i fucking SEE
thats why he said DNA
to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean
fucking neat wow
man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log
so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.
derse is very pretty, ngl
and wow shit
“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just
do that, awake in both places at once
i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow
ah yes, around the time things got confusing
okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao
the more you know i guess *twinkle*
i find that a neat concept tho
like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit
yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future
no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend
fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say
i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm
and then everything else just made me sad again
i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?
we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk
fucking DAVESPRITE
damn idk how that works
will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?
“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?
okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box
bc i thought he used his knife?
im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew
alright okay..
god that was a lot
i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE
#homestuck#homestuck liveblog#hs65#hs65 end#act4#pg1674#THANK FUCK FUCKING CHRIST#THIS TOOK ME A SOLID 4 HOURS IN TOTAL TO DO#INCLUDING PROCRASTINATION THO#LIKE I DID SNIPPETS WHILE I WAS AT WORK#AND THE MAJORITY LAST NIGHT#GOD#NEVER AGAIN#anyways#i learned some new stuff but then again this isnt even worth it for you all#like i didnt even say anything witty enough for it to be at least entertaining#just 'man that was cool'#and other synonyms of that sentence#im so sorry this took so long#and was tedious to read
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6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?
6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.
22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)
2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it
3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.
4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.
Pros-
(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.
(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.
(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself
Cons-
(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.
(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah
(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.
7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.
8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.
10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.
12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.
(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)
15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either
16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops
18- introverted?
19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.
20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.
21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.
23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.
While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol
24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.
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