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nandostateofmind · 1 year

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I wanted to Lose Alone………..

Being Afraid of Competing………..

I wrote a goal list for 2023. On that list was competing twice for this calendar year. I was so fucking afraid. Mostly afraid because I got my ass handed to me the first tournament I attended and I was really down about it. There’s this thing about me, however, that I hate to be afraid of anything. So, when I’m afraid most of the time I just run directly at it because I would rather go out on my shield, on my own terms. It’s like if you were going to get jumped and have your ass beat anyway, why comply with the ones looking to hurt you? You going to get your ass beat anyway, might as well start swinging and fuck it. You wont win but they not going home saying boy that was easy either. So, with that logic I signed up for the tournament at the last minute. Thursday night I signed up for Saturday.

My wife and daughter wanted to go. I asked them not to. I didn’t want the additional pressure since I felt I was going to lose like and I felt like my victory was in deciding to go at all. So, I asked her if she wouldn’t go. I was going to allow my son to go because, first and foremost he does jiujitsu so he has a better understanding of what he is actually seeing on the mats. Secondly, for my son, I wanted him to understand that doing things despite being afraid is a good thing. I wanted him to understand losing with grace. During the car ride he paused for a moment and asked me, “hey dad are you afraid?” I said to him absolutely I am terrified and my stomach has been hurting for two days thinking about it. I said but I don’t like being afraid ever so I like to go at it head on and win or lose know that I went out there and tried my best regard of the outcome I could be proud of myself for trying my best.

Then there was my friend and sometimes teacher and (apparently as of now) my tournament coach. I didn’t want him to come with me because I lost so poorly the first time out. He came with me to my first tournament and thankfully another of his students came as well. So, with the other student there it took some pressure off of me because even if I lost and he won at least it wasn’t a wasted trip for my friend. This time however, it was only me competing. God bless him because he is definitely going to heaven but this man insisted he would come coach me and went as far as to take a bus to Philadelphia to come coach me through this ordeal. I just didn’t want the pressure of disappointing him twice. I hold him in super high esteem as a human but as a jiujitsu person it really gets crazy. See black belts in jiujitsu are magicians, especially at my academy. Its hard sometimes to even feel like we are practicing the same martial art when you experience what they are doing to perfectly. All of this added to the pressure. I wanted to lose alone.

I have an extremely supportive friend who trains with me assists me on techniques and generally encourages me to continuously improve. He was a recent brown belt recipient and he was feeling the nerves of competition at his new rank. He encouraged me to go out there and try my best. I’m grateful he said that because that what I ultimately did I went out there and tried my best. First match, I went out there and I was so nervous and I zero game plan except to try and score early and give myself a cushion to work for a submission. I told myself just listen to my coach and allow him to be my remote control whatever he says I will attempt to do. I ran, did jumping jacks, and pushups before the match to make sure I could get some of the nerves out. Than the match began, he pulled guard I passed got to side control position scored, went to mount scored, but then I began overthinking. I was swept out of position ended up playing bottom closed guard. Then he passed my guard and I spent the remainder of the minutes remaining making sure he couldn’t score on me since I felt extremely confident he couldn’t submit me. I won on points.

Second match came. Before it began I told my coach I’m just happy I came to compete getting a win in the first match was just a little whipped cream on this situation. He said you know you could win this whole thing, right? We didn’t come here not to lose we came here to win! For the first time since even considering competing I felt like, oh shit I could win this motherfucker! So that’s when the confidence began I stepped on the mats a new man. My coach’s game plan worked magically. I won by submission an Americana from the mount. I rolled off with the fist pump of victory. High fived my son. Hugged my coach. Texted my wife. In the grand scheme of things, it meant nothing. But for my it was a sign that I was getting better and that I conquered that fear even if only for the day. I also got my second stripe on the belt awesome moment for me.

If life works out even close to the way I would like, one day I will be a black belt one day. I will be the new brown belt worried about competing at my new rank. I will be the black belt helping a student at a tournament who is shitting himself. I will be on those mats helping out the new kid feel comfortable and one of the family in the gym like it was done for me by my coach. I hope he’s there the day I get promoted to black belt because some percentage of that was earned by him too. And all the guys and professors at the gym beating my ass all the time making me better with each roll. So maybe I was looking at it wrong I was never going to lose alone even if I had gone by myself I had the whole crew behind me. Like my coach said to me, there’s no losing you either or you learn. But that day I happened to win, I’m grateful.

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douglasdelgrande · 2 years

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IᗪOᒪO ᗪᗴ ᗩᑎTᗩᑎ̃O Y ᗴᒪ ᑭᖇᗴᔕᗴᑎTᗴ ᗪᗩᗪᗪY YᗩᑎKᗴᗴ - ᒪIᗰᗩ 🇵🇪 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • • • • • #boricua #bayamon #puertoricolohacemejor #puertorican #ponce #sanjuanpr #puertorico #viejosanjuan #oldsanjuan #raggaeton #aguadilla #bellezalatina #borinquen #bellezzeitaliane #newyorican #barcellona #sanjuan #latinas #mujeres #alwaysfollowback #latina #tagstagramers #venecia #latino• • • • • (en Estadio Nacional Del Perú) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cj4TakAsecO/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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angelramirezjr · 1 year

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#ny #yankees #elboydelbarrio #lyrico #tenor #booyah #aramiboi #angelramirezjr #angelito #el #bueno #malo #feo #cazel #wear #les #pr #boricua #newyorican #elbarrio #paz #por #elmundo 🙏🏽 O;)~ (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmseoXHD3F6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#ny #yankees #elboydelbarrio #lyrico #tenor #booyah #aramiboi #angelramirezjr #angelito #el #bueno #malo #feo #cazel #wear #les #pr #boricua #newyorican #elbarrio #paz #por #elmundo

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casually-slips-into-coma · 9 months

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still mad percy isnt latino :/

#percy jackson #pjo #newyorican percy is my truth

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error707-thatdude · 2 years

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I thiiiink I've sorta come up with a human Leo design?? Kinda? 💙 (with lil bit of Raph and Mikey)

#his ninja outfit is based on the drummers in japanese festivals!#not fully proud of this design like Mikeys hut tbh not a bad start #might make some changes 🤨#also that comic is based on the fact whenever i go to my best friends house her dad does that call #he goes (la vaca) and on instict everybody in the room goes (moo)#holding leo gently dressing him up as a jibarito feeding him mofongo etc etc #saw on his wiki page his spanish came from newyoricans so obviously as a puertorican #i RAN with it hes mine im taking him to the family gatherings #my art #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #i think mikey and raph are there just enough to be tagged #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey #hehehe nobody can stoo me from making my favs latino

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xxoxobree · 10 months

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I screamed at that tik tok 🤣 Miles 42 is definitely a waistline warrior, that’s the newyorican genes

I’m 💀 not waistline warrior, but he definitely can dance

#neteyamsmunch #e42 miles headcannons

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ixa193 · 10 months

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Have Anya and Miles ever met? Like these are two Newyorican spider people where is their solo???? I would eat that up

#NEVER read an anya comic in my life 😬

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preshtagonist · 9 months

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Me when tumblr mobile crashes while responding to an ask,,,, like ok damn!!!!

Anyway hi miles is so lucky hes a newyorican or w/e bc living on the mainland sucks like yall if one more outage happens… im gonna start throwing rocks @ luma

#pstrlg #for legal reasons this is a joke #but also. (screaming in the heat)

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stars-obsessed · 2 years

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Human!ROTTMNT

This is based off of the outfits from "The Clothes Don't Make the Turtle" and some canon/ headcanon snippets about my favorite disaster teens.

I also want to add that these are mystic disguise pins/medallions like Sunita's...they're handsome and good as they are, this is just for them to blend in.

Some notes:

I've been dying to draw Raph with long braids forever. It's canon that Leo speaks basic Spanish because of NewYoricans so it follows that he'd be Peurto Rican (I learned this after the physical notes were made, so I changed it because it's a brilliant fact and I gots to). Freckles are non-negotiable on Mikey in every incarnation, and his hair is so fun to draw. And lastly, you cannot convince me that Donnie would sit still for a haircut (fellow autistic can confirm).

#rotttmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #human!tmnt #the clothes don't make the turtle #fanart #neurodiversesquad #i love them #this is how i cope #with the trauma of watching the movie

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vivabonaonet · 2 days

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Marc Anthony estrena 'Ale Ale' en los Latin AMAs 2024

El astro newyorican demostró una vez más por qué es uno de los reyes de la salsa moderna. ¡Ale, ale, ale! Marc Anthony presentó el estreno mundial de su nuevo sencillo “Ale Ale” en los Latin American Music Awards 2024, antes del lanzamiento de su esperado álbum. Y con el estribillo “ale, ale, ale”, ¡ya suena como un himno de verano! Sin duda, el neoyorquino de origen boricua demostró una vez…

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#Ale Ale #estrena #Latin AMAs 2024 #Marc Anthony

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nandostateofmind · 2 years

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Return of the Jedi

Xavier Catches Up….

Sometimes as a parent we take for granted the achievements of our children that once meant everything to us. The first words. The first steps. Learning to ride a bike. All the little moments that were milestones in their development that meant the world to us one minute became nothing as they got older and the commonplace feeling of the moment makes it mean less in the grand scheme your child’s life. There magic in those moments. We pretend that that’s not the magic of life the important shit, but it is it really really is.

I never made it a secret of my son’s anxiety issues. His difficulties with school. His performance anxiety. It has been a constant worry of mine if that would follow him into his teenage years. I want to make him tough enough to overcome and guide him enough to make him wise. I also don’t want to baby him to the point that he can’t be the man he should be, there is a balance I’m trying to achieve there.

As he has gotten older he has suddenly began wanting independence. Asking to walk the dog alone. No longer wanting assistance with homework. With regards to the homework I thought the worst of him thinking he is using independence as a means of being able to slack on his work. Using wanting to test himself as a means of getting out of having to answer the questions correctly. Then the magic happened. You see, my son has an IEP, an Individualized Education Plan, and he is in a dual education classroom. A dual education classroom is half special education and half regular education in the same classroom taught with two teachers in the room. He also gets therapy services, additional math time, and resource room/speech. Upon starting fourth grade he was about second grade level approaching third grade level.

Annually there is a review of his progress and an evaluation of where he is now in terms of his progress. Today I got to speak to his teachers with regards to his progress. They said that they love what a kind hearted young man he is and that he is funny and a good boy. Then they told me that they not feel he needs the school counseling any longer. He expressed to me the same and hasn’t mentioned being anxious to me in a long time. That was a beautiful thing. Then they said that they feel he has graduated out of the resource room. That during this school year he has been able to catch you and is at grade level across the board. It was glorious everything I prayed for in a simple meeting. My boy is okay. All the prayers all the hoping, and all that work we put in worked. My boy is okay. Im grateful, very very grateful.

There are many things that this could be attributed to. The maturity of him getting older, his mother and I working tirelessly to get him there, the confidence jiujitsu has given him, the relentless work his teachers put in day and night, covid and after. Whatever it was I don’t deserve how happy this made me. But, him, he deserves it all. My little Jedi is back.

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spanishfemalerappers · 7 months

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#Repost @shopboriken with @let.repost

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🇵🇷WEPPAAA!🇵🇷

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📽️@djperly 👈Follow her❤️

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↗️Share in your stories

✅Follow us @shopboriken👈👈👈

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#nuyorican #nuyoricanpoetscafe #nuyoricansoul #prparade #prparadenyc #prparade2023 #newyorican #boricuasennewyork #chirican #phillyrican #liveboricua #lastofthemoricans

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mrw82 · 7 months

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This is what being Boricua is all about to us, it doesn’t matter if you where born in la Isla o en la Diáspora, aun asi corre sangre Boricua por nuestras venas. ¡Por eso somos Boricuas hasta en la luna!

#puerrorican #newyorican #puertoriqueño #puerorico #laisladelencanto #puertorricandiaspora #weareallboricuas #callingallboricuas #pfknr

🇵🇷 ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿❤️‍🔥

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error707-thatdude · 2 years

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Why am I having such a difficult time figuring out a human design for Donnie 🗿 he should NOT be this hard to design wth

#struggling #is his hair dyed or natural is it dark in color is it flat or curly does he have braids?? locs??? is his hair long or short?????#are his markings birthmarks or vitiligo or did he paint them on?#i had ideas for his brothers when i started which made them easy #newyorican leo mikey with fluffy hair ajd freckles braids/butterfly locs for raph #but i am blue screening when ir comes to donnie WAH #i will.. eventually figure something out #after lots of suffering #bee buzzes #screaming into the void

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dream-wrecker-blog · 1 year

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My Official Military Christmas.

First and for most. Happy holidays to all of those who reads this and who practice a difference faith than I do. I also have to say I'm not a Christian but! A Santero and spiritualist.

In these spaces I occupy, I have to take whats familiar to me. And well Christmas is witchy in nature. With all that being said. I have to say that my experience with this group of men are so different from what I am use to. That leadership does make a whole difference as to how you live in these environments and grow as a soldier.

The idea of putting up of the Christmas tree was one of the Air men's idea. Which I thought was pretty cool and very sweet. It did build moral as he knew that it would. When I saw it, It made me think of the pleasant times I had with my own family and the joys associated with Christmas.

It's ghetto as it'll ever be! But I have to say that I really do like it's creative nature. Since I work in the kitchen someone asked me to save the disposable table clothes. They're going to cut them up and make ribbons or bow ties out of them and add it to the tree dressed with Ripit energy drinks.

Now, myself, I don’t drink these. But the other guys do, and a lot. And they love them. I'll stick to my NewyoRican ways of drinking coffee and dying of dehydration because that's all I'll choose to put into my body. lol And yes, I'm joking!!!!!! Here I cannot do that. I think I would literally die! It's sooo dame hot here! I know Africa is suppose to be hot. But! I have to say, the thought of something. being in your head. Vers the experience is something else and actually doing it. man! I have to say I need to live a lot more than I have.

I'm just happy to see the tree. people are doing secret santa. my platoon isn’t doing it. and I'm not too sure how we can anyway.I mean were here! and we don't go any where and there are no stores. I'm just happy because well my family home will be happy. I also now that I'm not missing anything. We video chat quite often. I'm going to do my best to get the most out of this deployment. But the tree has definitely sparked some feelings in me I thought I have forgotten about. Which I have to say is a very good thing. I like when these good feelings and memories come back. Flooding my heart and head.

Over all, I know I made the decision thats best for me. I questioned myself about being a soldier. about being a military member. These question arise because my contract is coming to an end. And it's about that time to renew it. Or! Leave. I have thought bout leaving. Because of the horrendous leadership. People who are out for themselves and do not care about the people who follow them. But! thats another Blog post to be made.

However, I have to say that I titled this my first official Christmas because. The fist time I had one. The world around me way dying. It was 2020 and Covid was at an all time high. Christmas was jot on my mind although it was on everyone else’s. This year I’m I’m good spirits and have another ancestors to add to my alter. My first deployment was my uncle billy and now it’s my aunt Carolyn. I’m using this moral booster to cover up my pain. I’m not ready to be this exposed. Especially with a good group that I’m with.

#Military Christmas #christmas #Santero #Santeria #witches #holiday #deardiary #Vlogger #blogging #homemade #eleggua #yemaya #ochun #Army #air force #flight deck #Deployment #National Guard

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rockopolys · 2 years

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Lo importante es llegar al gym lo demás es fácil…Hoddie NewYorican disponible clickea el link en el bio (at Planet Fitness) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLPZu7uvxY/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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