#now i have no idea if he was actually a nice dude or a hellion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wolf-zer0 · 3 years

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Ya want some WORLD-BUILDING????

Have some world-building!

*REMINDER* This is based on characters, not real people. I’m not going to be writing any shipping/smut content, especially involving minors. Please be respectful of content creators’ boundaries!

The Crystallos Empire (AKA the Antarctic Empire)

Largest the countries (takes up most of the southern half of the map) but agreed to stop expansion after a bloody battle with Valeriana

Centered on a large snowy mountain in the middle of the tundra

Mostly stays out of other countries’ business, but will step in as a last resort

Has some of the most well-known citizens in the world because… they’re pure chaos

Attack at your own peril

Has vast deposits of ores and gemstones, and the metalwork from Crystallos (mainly weaponry, armor, and jewelry) is highly sought after

The only known food export is potatoes. Wonder why…

Associated Colors: Royal blue, light blue, crimson, gold

Aesthetic/Vibes: gothic vibes, white stone and large stain glass windows, not particularly opulent or extravagant but still impressively royal looking, think catholic cathedral but brighter and with less Jesus (can you tell I’m a recovering catholic yet?), spires shooting into the sky that’s visible even during a blizzard, cavernous halls full of sunlight and echoes, snow that can comfort and kill in equal measure

Notable Members:

Philza Minecraft:

Angel

Visible wings look like a harpy eagle

Probably the most powerful person in the world

Didn’t mean to start an empire it kinda just happened

Also didn’t mean to adopt kids but his Dadza alarm went off

Usually kind but will not hesitate to use violence when necessary

Technoblade:

Is pig.

With braid.

At least 8 feet all

Extremely adept fighter, skilled in almost every form of combat.

Not a people pig, prefers his potato farm to being a prince

Hella protective of his family but will not hesitate to bully when given the opportunity

Wilbur Soot:

Muse who can influence people through song

Can’t totally control people (yet) but can subtly push them in a certain direction

The public face of the imperial family

Would rather insult than fight but can and will cut a bitch if he needs to

Because inspiration is fickle he’ll have some … strange episodes (see: the Sand Incident)

Tommy Innit:

Child.

Chaos incarnate.

Is he human? Is he not? No one’s sure yet.

But he’s a gremlin and a hellion and willing to throw down at any moment.

Has a surprisingly caring side, but no one outside his immediate circle has ever really seen it.

The Kingdom of Valeriana (aka Dream SMP)

Oldest of the countries

Located in the middle of a massive forest at the center of the main continent

Home of the Fae Courts

Ruled by a single king who is chosen by a tournament held every 100 years

Known for causing chaos in other countries, but after an Incident with Crystallos they have kept their meddling to annoyances rather than outright declarations of war

Considered the most magical of all the countries, and traditional enchantments almost all come from Valeriana

Associated Colors: neon green (duh), bright yellow, forest green, light brown, blood red (more saturated than Crystallos), rose gold

Aesthetic/Vibes: spooky art nouveau (idk what else to call it), lots of plants and nature but with an edge of danger, poison gardens and carnivorous plants, hedge mazes that lead everywhere and nowhere, laughter deep in the forest, deer with eyes just a hair too human, Alice in Wonderland on steroids

Notable Members:

Dream:

Current king of the Fae

As long as he’s touching the ground, he knows where everything and everyone is

Can terraform

Unlimited in the boundaries of his kingdom

Much more limited outside of his realm

No one has ever seen what he really looks like, even before he took the throne

Since people outside the kingdom don’t know who he is, he’ll wander the outside world and challenge random people to fights

Never says what happens to the losers

Only one person has ever beaten him: Technoblade

He might have a lil obsession around Techno, but it’s fine.

A little competition is healthy.

Sapnap:

High Lord of the Summer Court

Dream’s right hand man

Likes fire a little too much probably

George:

Human that Dream took a liking too and yoinked from the mortal world

Dream and Sapnap made him immortal but he hasn’t realized it yet.

Skeppy:

Changeling who started growing diamond-like scales across his body

Is vaguely allied with Dream simply because he’s Fae, but is more loyal to BBH

Like a lot of other Fae, likes to make challenges but he makes them less deadly. Not totally safe, just less deadly.

Badboyhalo:

Demon who was kicked out of hell because he was too nice

Found Skeppy in the Overworld and the rest is history

Cursed by the Demon King that the moment he says a swear word, the entire world would end, but can never tell anyone that he is cursed

The Merchant’s Guild

Not quite a country, more of a international power

Oversees the largest and most important businesses in the world

Makes sure that no laws are broken between different countries and everyone gets a fair shake

Has a very large reach, so some members have dabbled in espionage for various groups

From the outside it looks like the whole thing is kept together with duct tape and hope, but its actually pretty functional

The main members are just… a lot.

More concerned with keeping things working than influencing other nations (although there are still jokes about it)

The most valuable thing they trade in is information

They have a lot of fingers in a lot of pots, but are trusted with their information

Associated Colors: dark blue, teal, deep yellow, burnt orange, copper

Aesthetic/Vibes: art deco babie, angles and lines, very modern and streamlined, sleek suits instead of armor or robes, whiskey in a crystal glass, wars won by words not weapons, knowing when someone’s lying without them saying a word

Notable Members:

Schlatt:

Ram-man with a plan

Not that bad of a dude, but is in a position where he is constantly in possession of highly sensitive information and that does things to someone’s mental state

Drinks pretty regularly but not a full blown alcoholic

Trying his best

Can be a snarky asshole sometimes

Quackity:

Lucky duck. literally.

Duck man with an uncanny ability to absorb good luck from people (typically Fundy) and apply it to himself

No one knows when or why he joined the guild, but now he’s there

Pretty damn smart, but hides it behind humor

Fundy:

FOX!

With BEANS!

Trying his goddamn best but life (and Quackity) make it very difficult

Usually is stuck with the shit end of the stick when getting jobs/contracts/etc.

Wilbur being his dad is an inside joke that’s gotten a life of its own.

(No Fishfuckers Allowed!!!)

Puffy:

Badass sheep lady who captains a ship and commands her own armada

Schlatt’s sister

Also part of Storm’s Landing’s council and acts as the main liaison between them

Do not fuck with her she will kick your ass.

Storm’s Landing

Port city that became a country after becoming a safe-haven for seafarers

Led by a council of important people, with the head of the council known as the Admiral

Closest ties to Crystallos and the Merchant’s guild because:

1) Clingy supremacy!!!!

2) it’s a good idea for a guild to have good ties with a large sea power

3) all the dads for Tubbo

Associated Colors: navy blue, scarlet, white, brass

Aesthetic/Vibes: Nautical (obviously) with heavy “Age of Exploration” vibes, barnacles crusted on treasure chests, think tall ships and pirates and shit, respecting the ocean because holy shit she’s gonna smash your boat to pieces on a whim because she can, has an edge of darkness because when you go deep enough who knows what you’ll find down there (maybe mermaids???)

Notable Members:

CaptainSparklez:

elected to Admiral after the previous Admiral went missing on a routine voyage

(idk who it used to be, I just wanted to make him new at leading)

not 100% sure about the whole thing, but handling it pretty okay

still answers to “Captain” instead of “Admiral”.

Niki:

If Storm’s Landing had a queen, would be it unquestionably

Never gets robbed even though there’s a well known “underbelly” in town

Could probably end wars with her croissants

Has a significant history of empathic abilities in her family, so she can tell how people are feeling at all times

Eret:

Owns a magic store in town that really only shows itself to people who need it.

Having a bad mental health day?

He’s got a warm blanket and a cup of your favorite warm beverage waiting.

Dysphoric?

She’s got the perfect outfit and affirming words already prepared.

Trying to find that specific book but can’t remember the title or plot, only vaguely know the color of the cover?

They’ve got it.

Ranboo:

Not sure why he decided to move to a seaside city when he’s not chill with water, but now he’s here and he’s too anxious to leave

Known for teleporting around town randomly when nervous, and the people who find him are always willing to let a hand if he gets lost

Tubbo:

This boi! Has so many dads!

Epitome of “Kindness does not equal weakness.”

While a lot of people underestimate him, he’s not some fragile little flower

He hasn’t fully grown into his ability to speak to animals (he can only understand bees right now)

He’s just as much of a shit stirrer as Tommy.

When they meet up, look out. Something’s getting destroyed.

The Astral Academy

An independent university focused on advancing knowledge in the arcane arts and engineering

Not a country, but has the political power of one due to their vast resources and building prowess

People can’t enter unless they are invited or have been given entry as a student

There are a bunch of potential doors scattered around the continent that could lead to the Academy, but no one is sure where the real entrance is

Associated Colors: royal purple, lilac, sepia, sky blue, silver, bronze Aesthetic/Vibes: bright academia, massive libraries with bookshelves stuffed to bursting, workshop benches covered in scrap and prototypes, open air observatories, runes waiting to be translated, the crackling energy that comes from successful collaboration, falling down a research rabbit hole, bursting with pride after a project is a success

Notable Members:

Sam

Purpled

Ponk

Punz

Antfrost

Jack Manifold

I don’t know much about these characters, so if you have any ideas please let me know!

Zero’s OC Land - The North Haven

Smallest and newest country

Recently gained independence from under a cruel dictator (not schlatt lol)

Located in a pine forest at the base of a huge mountain range

Has pretty good relations with the other countries, but outsiders don’t know much about them

Main exports are wood carvings and leather goods

Associated Colors: Maroon, dark brown, black, pewter

Aesthetic/Vibes: medieval but with a modern twist, dark wood lit by a roaring fireplace, snow-covered woods without a living soul in sight, half timber houses and detailed wood carving, no outrageous ornamentation or extravagance

Notable Members:

Tyr:

Lord of the North Haven

trying to keep his people safe and protected

one of the few remaining Spirits (higher in power than the Fae, but lower than angels)

Spirit of Justice

lost a hand in the war for North Haven’s independence

didn’t want to become the leader but does a pretty good job at it

Adopted 5 kids and is trying his best

Bragi:

Heir Apparent

24 year old human

can influence the world by speaking (not singing) but has to be careful about which words he uses

has a book full of phrases that have proven effects (a spellbook of sorts)

has a friendly rivalry with Wilbur

Freya:

Spymaster

actually the oldest but abdicated because she feels she’s not the right person to lead a country

age unknown because she’s the last known [REDACTED] (it’ll be revealed, but I wanna build suspense)

has gyrfalcon wings and heightened senses

chronic insomniac

Forseti:

Official Librarian

20 years old

hybrid with an unknown entity

has black fingers with sharp claws

always wears gloves to hide them

can create portals to places he’s been or to people he knows (the second is much riskier, but not impossible)

knowledge sponge

wants to join the Astral Academy but is too nervous to apply

Odin:

Older Twin

The “Sensible One”

17 years old

Has an uncanny sense of direction

Can’t get lost no matter what

Can manipulate magnetic fields

Loki:

Younger Twin

The “Hot Headed One”

17 years old

can manipulate fire

idolizes his older siblings, particularly Freya

The Institute

Creeping around in the background

Up to bad things

Something’s going on in the world, but no one’s noticed yet

They will though… soon

Aesthetic/Vibes: minimalism (the worst kind of vibes imo), think laboratories or empty hospitals, harsh artificial lights and cold floors, labyrinths of monotonous hallways with no doors

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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thehollowprince said: And I also stand by the opinion that they could have just done a solo run of the O5 X-Men starting a new timeline with the information they got from the future.

thehollowprince said: Its not like Marvel doesn’t constantly do AUs and retcons

OMG Josh you have no idea how bad I wanted this. They could’ve done SO MUCH with that concept. Letting the 05 keep their foreknowledge and the world they could have created with that?

They could’ve averted the initial Krakoan mission and saved Darwin, Gabe, Petra and Sway in the first place. They could have all been X-Men from their Day One, Scott and Alex would have actually gotten to KNOW their brother and Gabe quite possibly would never have gone full Dark Side despite the writers apparently now seeming obsessed with the idea there’s just something innately bad within Gabe that’s always destined to bear fruit at some point, ugh, whatever, like who do you think you are, Kant?

They could’ve recruited the Giant Size X-Men lineup earlier, and saved John Proudstar, who side by side with his brother Jamie, are a force to be reckoned with.

They could have convinced Pietro and Wanda to join them instead of the Avengers and been like no but seriously that way lies nothing but shitty storylines and bad decisions that will be blamed on you by your teammates despite the fact that any and all of the bad decisions that were ACTUALLY yours could have been averted if any of your teammates were capable of functioning as an actual support system. Come join us. We have actual support systems, except for the times when we don’t, but we recruited Deadpool to break the fourth wall and he and Logan are currently cutting through the ranks of every writer who would write as hating and fighting each other instead of being a loving fucking family goddammit.

Jean could have faced the Phoenix head-on when the time for that came, using her knowledge of the future not to fear an inevitable death, but rather to know she had nothing TO fear, that the power to not control this force, but just be ONE with it, with no NEED to control it or be controlled by it, a symbiotic union, two beings in harmony deciding on courses of action together. The Phoenix’s innate powers and prerogative of rebirth and destruction tempered by Jean’s mercy, aimed and focused by Jean’s reason, the double-edged sword that is fire capable of warming homes or destroying them completely combined with Jean’s conscience guiding it to use its power for the former rather than the latter.

They could have stopped the Legacy Virus from getting out and killing millions as well as spared us from migraines induced by an AIDS metaphor so shitty at being a metaphor most people forget it was literally written to be an AIDS metaphor.

The body swap would never have happened and Kwannon could have joined the X-Men as a full member from the time she was introduced, rather than dragged along in the wake of Betsy’s tangled storylines for a couple decades.

They could have stopped Fitzroy from killing the Hellions. Hell, if they train Illyana early enough and have her mentored by Wanda who is perfectly fucking competent when left to her own devices, then like, maybe they can even take a jaunt to the future to save Fitzroy from dying in the first place and being resurrected with no soul. Not gonna lie, ever since then I’ve kinda been seriously interested in what the hell would a hero version of Trevor freaking Fitzroy even BE like, y’know? Call it morbid fascination, but like. I kinda want it, guys. LOL.

Add to that note, they could have taken another jaunt to the future and rescued Rachel from being made into a Hound by Ahab. Through the power of some convoluted plot tangle I just made up for convenience, Scott still ends up in a relationship with Maddy briefly, in one of those self-fulfilling prophecy type things where he went into it with the full intention of just averting the future and saving Maddy from her fate as the Goblyn Queen, but somehow ended up in a love triangle with a very alive Jean and Maddy who is fully informed of Sinister’s shenanigans and quite displeased with that asshole, and look, I don’t know how all of this goes exactly, but let’s cut to the chase, my only real endgame with this is making sure that Nate’s born properly, saved from Apocalypse and the techno-virus by the combined efforts of Scott, Maddy and Jean as well as Uncles Warren, Bobby and Hank, and Jean calls up the Phoenix through some psychic bond or whatever and is like hey girl, can I hit you up for a loan real quick? Got some losers that need toasting.

And in this AU the Phoenix totally has her back, and one brief cosmic power-up and gratuitous Sailor Moon transformation later, Jean glows and intones some epic one-liners with appropriate gravitas, and then just punts both Apocalypse and Sinister to the far side of the universe, never to be seen or heard from again. They like, hit a black hole on the way there I guess. It was very sad. Violin strings may commence with the requiem. Okay that’s enough, they can stop now.

So then through the plot contrivances of fuck you, I said so, Scott and Maddy ultimately part amicably and Scott and Jean get back together and the three of them civilly co-parent both baby Nate and Rachel, as Maddy keeps the healing powers she gained as Anodine and stays with the X-Men for her own reasons.

The telepaths are all better trained by the expertise Jean gained in her powers while in the future, so the next time the Shadow King comes bumming around looking to cause chaos, Betsy, Emma and Jean just look at each other and laugh and say nuh-uh before psychically squishing him into a marble.

Warren never becomes Archangel. Onslaught isn’t a thing. They make nice with Magneto and say okay you may have a couple points, let’s discuss. Bishop arrives in the past for reasons totally unrelated to his original story, has no traitor to seek out among the X-Men, and thus he and Gambit end up besties in complete defiance of that stupid fucking story and because I just think they’re neat together. Yes I said neat. Gambit and Bishop are just neat. Deal with it.

Bishop still hates that Fitzroy guy though, he’s like, I don’t even know what it is about that guy, he just rubs me the wrong way, even though Fitzroy is not evil here and has always done good with his powers, which are channeled through a device Forge made him that lets him just absorb life force from a wide range around him, spread out and diluted enough that its like, the grass feels weird for a second, like whoa what even was that, and then its over. Actually, y’know what, scratch that. Fitzroy’s powers are stupid and unnecessary the way they are now anyway, so fuck it, this Fitzroy doesn’t need life force or whatever, he’s just a dude who makes time portals. He’s like Illyana with green hair and that ugly goatee. Hey I said this Fitzroy was non-evil, not that he was perfect.

Bobby’s out and proud since he was sixteen, and with actual competence and proficiency with his powers, which make him a Literal Unkillable Gay Icon, he’s an inspiration to LGBTQ+ teens everywhere and inspires other gay, bi and trans heroes to come out. He’s a big brother figure to all the baby gays that later join the X-Men, like, Rictor comes to him for advice back during the time equivalent to early X-Factor, when Rictor’s a trying-too-hard sixteen year old who thought college age Bobby was like the coolest, which is valid, because X-Factor Bobby was like A+ Bobby characterization and deserves more reads.

So Rictor comes out earlier as well, and by the time they even meet Shatterstar, instead of a slow burn friends to roommates to lovers scenario, Rictor takes one look at the love of his life and wastes no time coming out swinging with an absolutely terrible pick up line. Look, I said his big brother figure Bobby was out and proud in this AU, not that he magically had a better sense of humor. Some things just don’t change, y’know? Luckily, Shatterstar is a weirdo, and thus he finds terrible pick-up lines charming. At least when its Rictor saying them. They walk off for a first date, already practically hand in hand, voices fading into the distance as Rictor asks “By the way, have you met Dazzler yet? According to Bobby, apparently she’s your mom. That Longshot dude with the mullet over there is your dad I guess. We should go say hi.”

Hank gets an assistant hand-picked by the rest of the original X-Men, and who has one job and one job only. To follow him around and observe all his experiments, and he has veto power over experiments that People With IQs As High As Yours Should Know Better But I Guess You’ve Got Reed Richards Syndrome.

Hank’s like, “Hmm, if I built a time machine I could go back to the Jurassic Period and observe whether my theory of - “

Hank’s assistant: “Veto.”

“Damn. Okay I was also thinking of making a deep space communicator that can reach into the farthest reaches of space beyond any known civilization and just say hi, y’know? See if anyone’s out there.”

“Veto.”

“If I combine these genetically modified antibodies here with this strain of of DNA from - “

“Veto.”

“Well Forge built this device that does this to mutant powers but I think I can make it do - “

“Veto.”

“These nanobots I - “

“VETO,”

“Honestly, at this point I think you’re just saying that just because you like saying it.”

“Dr. McCoy, I promise you, I’m really, really not.”

Logan finds out about his future clan of stabby children, and seeks them out. He rescues Daken from Romulus, somebody stabs that loser with the immortal-killing sword, I don’t even care who, and after a few tense months of Logan trying too hard, he and Daken eventually bond over how hockey just isn’t violent enough. If you’re going to make a sport all about hitting each other, just really go for it or don’t even bother, y’know? Logan claps him on the shoulder and sniffs. That’s my boy. Then they find and rescue Laura and Gabby and take a road trip to Earth 1610 to pick up Jimmy. They have a house on campus, and new students walking by it are used to hearing loud growling and even howls. They were assured during orientation that that’s nothing to worry about, it just means the House of Snikt are watching a game and are rooting for opposing sides.

Emma’s recruited practically the day they get back. She’s only just started at the Hellfire Club and has only done a tiny bit of Evil when Warren schedules an appointment with her, and then he, Scott and Jean make a better pitch than Shaw and his ilk could ever match. They’ve been to the future. Come join with us and we’ll give you an all access pass to memories detailing exactly what’s going to happen in these particular areas and many more. All you have to do is ask. Oh and also please don’t seduce any married teammates. Its bad form. To be honest, I don’t think it’ll be an issue because Deadpool assures us Morrison has been taken care of, and don’t worry if that makes no sense to you, its a head-scratcher for us to. Just roll with it.

Nate ages normally here so its not like he ends up besties with forty year old Wade, but the latter having his own plot-contrived knowledge of the future because He’s Just Like That, decides that he won’t be denied at least SOME kind of bond with The Bestie That Wasn’t. He becomes Nate’s official babysitter. Well, not official, seeing as how Scott, Jean and Maddy don’t hire him and are very clear that their son is not to be left alone with this man at any time, he is a terrible influence and he keeps giving our kid guns. But then Wade just shows up anytime they’re out because he just has a sixth sense for Making Trouble, and he terrifies away whatever babysitter’s there and greets the returning and exasperated parents with a cheery wave.

“I know what you’re going to say, but don’t worry, we didn’t do anything dangerous or against the law. All we did today was I taught him to make bombs, but we were very careful, we wore safety goggles and really, they were very little bombs. Not even anything atomic. I honestly don’t think any of them could have even blown up this whole house, and I’ve been meaning to say, I’m not impressed with the structural integrity of this place. Couldn’t you have picked something with a sturdier foundation? Its like you don’t even expect random space mercenaries to attack your place out of the blue every other month. Have any of you even read a single issue of your own comics?”

Scott’s jaw twitches Ominously. Wade starts gathering up his things. Jean rubs her forehead wearily.

“Wade, what do you even think ‘dangerous’ means?”

Wade pauses and cocks his head. Gives it a solid twenty seconds of thought. Then he shrugs.

“I don’t know actually. Don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it. I always figured it was just one of those things people just say. Like, ‘oh, it looks like rain today,’ even if they’re not a forecaster and have no real meteorological credentials to speak of. ‘Oh, this mission will be dangerous,’ and I don’t even have to use up all my ammo and I only get shot twice. Y’know?”

“Leave,” Scott says. More like intones. House shakes a little bit but that might just be Wade’s imagination. Its very active.

“Leaving!” He says hastily. He jumps through the closed window and then teleports away amid the falling shower of broken glass. Why didn’t he do that while he was still inside the room? No one knows. Not even Wade knows. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who the fuck cares, now is it Original Recipe or Crispy?

Scott, Jean and Maddy search the house while Nate angelically claims they won’t find anything, Wade doesn’t even bring him cool stuff anymore cuz he knows you’ll just take it.

Maddy finds a high-tech laser space gun under a floorboard in the closet. She holds it up with one eyebrow raised pointedly. Scott and Jean flank her and their own eyebrows raise in solidarity. Well Jean’s does. Scott’s probably does but its hard to tell sometimes. Depends on what glasses or visor he’s wearing.

“That was already there,” Nate tries. Most powerful telepath and telekinetic in the world, but the kid can’t lie for shit. There’s not much point in trying when one of your moms is the freaking Phoenix, and that’s a skill that takes practice he just doesn’t have.

The three sets of parental eyebrows make a V, judgingly.

“One month of no video games or TV?” Okay, so terrible liar but quick on his feet. At least he knows when he’s beat and jumps straight to trying to shape his own punishment proactively.

“Two months. And no flying lessons either,” Jean says. “And don’t pout at me, young man. You know the rules. No weapons inside the house unless your grandpa Corsair is visitng and we’re too tired to fight him on keeping knives under his pillow. This is a Do As We Say, Not As We Do house. Deal with it. Now, this is going with the others and you can have it back when you’re eighteen.”

It would have been three months, but Jean and Maddy caught a telepathic sniff from Scott. He’s just so proud of his kid thinking so tactically. He’s growing up so fast. Both women mentally roll their eyes. Why is he like this.

“I don’t see what the big deal is anyway,” Nate sulks. “Its just a stupid laser gun. I mean, Uncle Gabe blew up our last house with his brain.”

“Yes and it was an accident and he feels absolutely terrible about that which is why we’re not going to bring it up when he and Armando come visit this weekend, right?”

“You can have my full compliance for two weeks off my sentence.”

“Or we can have your full compliance or two weeks will be added to your sentence,” Maddy says.

“You guys suck,” declares the ten year old vessel of near unlimited psychic might. He goes to his room, stomping all the way up the stairs so his grievances can be heard even by the House of Snikt next door. Course, they’ve already been listening to the whole thing with their enhanced hearing. There was nothing good on TV. Jimmy made popcorn and chewed with his mouth open just to piss off Daken.

‘The second Father leaves the room, I am going to stab you in such a slow healing place you’ll still be bleeding at bed time.’ Daken mouths at his little brother from another universe. Jimmy scrunches his face in confusion.

‘What?’ He mouths back. He’s terrible at reading lips. Or anything that isn’t skateboarding, really. And yet Father’s so happy that ‘at least one of my kids is content with stupid normal stuff and doesn’t go around drawing cover fire just because a mission is going so well its boring and they haven’t even gotten to pop their claws out yet.’

“That’s only because you’ve coddled him. He’s barely ever even been shot at. Just the one time on vacation in Majipoor and he wasn’t even the target, the assassin was aiming for me. If you would just let me take him on a proper outing to gain some real experience - “

“Not gonna happen.” Logan shuts that down real quick.

“Really Father, just look at him. He has zero situational awareness. I’ve been glaring a hole in the back of his head for a full minute now and he has no idea. That could just as easily be an actual laser scope, you know. He’s a disgrace to the whole family.”

“Daken, we’ve been over this,” Logan says firmly. “You have your sisters to bond with over gratuitous violence. Leave your brother alone. I don’t want anyone traumatizing him until trauma finds him all on its own. It’ll happen sooner or later, he’s as much a part of this family as anyone and that means its as good as done already, so there’s no need to hurry it along. If later on he decides he’s got a taste for it, you can take him on all the outings to get shot at that you want. But he’s gotta figure it out for himself first, and he doesn’t need his big brother being the one who introduces him to all that. He idolizes you, you know.”

Daken scoffs. He can’t even get the brat to chew with his mouth closed.

“He cut his hair from that style he liked so much, just because you hated it so much,” Logan says obliviously. Daken nods like he’s conceding the argument and hastens from the room while he can still keep his mouth shut. It won’t benefit anyone at this point to tell their father that Jimmy really only cut his hair because Daken told him he would set it on fire if he didn’t.

Ugh, families are the worst. Don’t even get him started on Laura stealing some of his clothes to wear without asking. And then has the gall to yell back at him when he yells “Silk! Its the finest cut of silk! Does that mean nothing to you?” at her.

“Oh get over it. Its not like I asked for killer robots to interrupt my date.”

“Of course they were going to interrupt your date with that Julian boy. I keep telling you, he’s a magnet for trouble. I can tell. I’m one too, remember?”

“Fine, whatever, you’re right and I should just expect every date with Julian from now until the end of time to end with fire and disaster.”

“Well now you’re being melodramatic. There’s no way that boy makes it past twenty five. He doesn’t even have a healing factor.”

“Why do you hate him so much anyway? If you’d just give him a chance - “

“What are you talking about? I give him a chance every single time he’s here and I don’t kill him.”

“Ugh, I can’t even talk to you when you’re like this. You always do this, you just decide on something and then you commit to that like the fate of the world depends on you standing firm on what’s usually a completely arbitrary decision in the first place!”

Daken sniffs. “I can assure you, there’s absolutely nothing arbitrary about my disdain for the Keller boy.”

“His name is Julian,” Laura enunciates with a glare.

“I don’t care,” Daken enunciates with an expression of lofty superiority.

“You two are so dumb,” Gabby says from the end of the hallway. They both turn identical glares on her. They’d noticed her arrive several minutes ago but they weren’t about to be distracted from their battle of wills. “Laura, you know Daken isn’t actually going to kill Julian. He doesn’t do that anymore except for really bad people sometimes and he just talks about stabbing people or killing them cuz he thinks he’s funny and then he gets all pissy because nobody ever gets that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t even hate Julian and he used to be fine with him before he started dating you, its just he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you.”

Daken frowns at the petite would-be peacemaker. Meddlesome toddler. “What are you even babbling about? None of that is remotely true.”

Gabby rolls her eyes up at her brother from her much lower height. She taps the side of her nose with emphasis. “You do know we all have the same abilities to smell and analyze scents as you do, right? And you know everything you can tell from peoples’ scent, right? Of course I’m right, I can smell it as clear as anything and so can Jimmy and Dad and we actually all know this and talk about it all the time, and its why Dad never actually gets mad at you for talking about killing people because he can smell you’re saying it just cuz you’re used to saying it but really you’re too marshmallowy on the inside now to do half the stuff you claim you’re gonna do. Hate to break it to you bro, but you’re a closet softie and you’ve been made. The nose doesn’t lie. Only reason Laura doesn’t know it is because you piss her off like its your favorite hobby and its probably impossible for her to smell anything beyond her own scent of Royally Pissed Off.”

Ugh. Meddlesome insightful toddler. Who asked for her intervention anyway? Daken crosses his arms in a way that’s decidedly aloof and not at all sulking.

Laura’s staring at their sister assessingly. “That’s really what you think is going on? And Jimmy and Dad think so too? You’re not just saying all that?”

Gabby bats her eyes up at them. “Would I lie to you?”

“Yes,” Laura says without missing a beat.

“Without a shadow of a doubt,” Daken says dryly, right on her heels.

“For the sake of a candy bar,” Laura adds, because that really did happen.

“Or just boredom, because god forbid you pick up another hobby that isn’t just Chaos.”

“This from the guy who only has fun when there’s blood and bullets flying about,” Gabby fires back from a position of petite petulance.

Daken smirks down at her. “Didn’t you just say I don’t really mean it when I say all of that?”

Gabby narrows her eyes. “Touché. My own words thrown back at me. I am undone.”

“Yes, well - “

Daken’s cut off as Jimmy chooses that moment to walk past them down the hallway to the bathroom. He’s laughing and shaking his head.

“You guys are both so dumb. She plays you like this all the time, and you never see it.”

“Silence, mortal!” Gabby thunders at their brother menacingly. The effect is somewhat diminished by the fact that she can’t hit a baritone note to save her life.

“No, I’m interested in hearing what he has to say,” Daken says coolly. “For once. This is a moment without precedent and one unlikely to occur again, so let’s explore it a bit.”

Jimmy sighs and shakes his head without ever losing that amused smirk. “Had to tack on that last part, didn’t you. Just couldn’t help yourself.”

“I am a faithful student of the Truth,” Daken says, matching his brother smirk for smirk.

“The point, Jimmy?” Laura prods aggressively before that can erupt into a wholly separate thing she wants no part of.

“Oh, right.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Its kinda her thing with you two when you get like this. You pick a fight with Laura, Laura gets pissed off and succumbs to the family curse of Tunnel Vision at the Worst Possible Time, and you both go back and forth endlessly and like you have all the time in the world for your stupid tete a tete, because on account of you both being practically unkillable and immortal, you kinda do and you know it. And then whenever she gets bored of listening to you two, Gabby swoops in and draws both of your attention until you’re both so focused on being annoyed with her you don’t even realize you’re actually side by side agreeing with each other, and she keeps it up just long enough til she’s sure she can just say she’s bored now and just leave the room, leaving you both annoyed and frustrated by a fight you can’t even claim to have won because she really just kinda...left, in the middle of it, and you’re so focused on that, you’ve totally forgotten to be pissed at each other. And by the time you do remember, like, the moment has passed and peace has been returned to the kingdom. Or at least as peaceful as this place ever gets.”

Daken stares at his mistake of a brother in the hopes that if he stalled long enough, his senses would arrive at a different conclusion. But nope. Scents don’t lie, unlike baby sis, apparently. He’s telling the truth. And Daken really does not....care for that conclusion.

Gabby stamps her foot and glares up at their brother.

“You are such a tattletale. I am providing a service, by keeping this family free of these two constantly at each others throats, and how is that service repaid? With betrayal! I hate you, you’re dead to me. Never speak to me again or at least not until I’ve stopped being mad at you, but that could be like ten years or something, I don’t even know right now.”

She draws up to her full height and squares her shoulders as she thunders this Mighty Mouse style at the still laughing Jimmy. Then, seeing she’d yet to make a dent in his armor of amusement and he was failing to take her pronouncement seriously, she punctuated her declaration by spitting on their brother’s shoe. Daken’s eyebrows shoot up again, this time in amusement of his own. Gabby then spins around on her heel and stalks off down the hallway, muttering more dire threats under her breath as she goes, the sound of them nonetheless carrying clearly to three siblings with enhanced hearing of their own. And apparently, little sis could be quite creative. Who knew she’d been hiding such talent?

Jimmy barely even notices; he’s still staring down at his shoe.

“Dude, you spit on me! That’s so not cool.”

“Some things need to be expressed so strongly, mere words will not suffice,” Daken says loftily, savoring a slightly renewed sense of superiority.

One quickly dashed, of course, because apparently he just can’t have anything.

“Bold words from the seventy year old who needed the sixteen year old to clue him in he’s being regularly manipulated by the twelve year old,” Jimmy fires back. As a return volley, its obnoxiously effective, and Daken’s still grinding his teeth and searching for an adequate rejoinder as Jimmy just grins even wider and then strolls off down the hallway as well. Whistling either an absolutely hideous song or else proof that he’s absolutely hideous at whistling. Tough call. With him it could be either.

Daken and Laura both stare after him in silence as he rounds the corner and disappears, leaving only the lingering scent of smugness in his wake. Daken hates the scent of smugness. It has a particularly....cloying feel to it. Well not his of course. But everyone else’s, especially little brothers? Acrid is the only word adequate for that.

“Sometimes I really do want to stab him. Just a little bit. And I’m not even lying,” Daken says. Laura just nods, her own nose scrunched up in distaste as well.

“Honestly? Me too.”

Brother and sister enjoy the rare moment of solidarity.

“You know what’s really bugging me?” Laura says suddenly, still staring off down the hallway. Daken turns an inquiring eye on her, prompting elucidation. She frowns.

“Where the hell did he learn a phrase like tete a tete? I mean. Its Jimmy.”

Daken does know what she means, and frowns as the nagging awareness of that leaps from his sister to himself like memetic chain lightning.

“And he used it correctly. That’s....unexpected.”

“Sometimes I wonder if maybe he’s not as completely airheaded as he pretends, and the fact that he’s got everyone so convinced of that actually means he’s running circles around the rest of us,” Laura says. She shrugs. “Of course, then I have to question everything and who has that kind of time and also the very idea of genius mastermind Jimmy disturbs me on a deeply visceral level. So then I just. Stop doing that.”

Daken nods and sighs. “Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”

“Okay, this is annoying. I kinda still want to fight, but now fighting with you feels kinda anticlimactic. Ugh, siblings are the worst,” Laura declares with a glower. “They ruin everything.”

“On that, we can agree. With allowances for temporary occasions of some of them being bearable,” Daken says. “Some.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve never said to me, big brother,” Laura says lightly. Daken swiftly scowls but she holds up a hand to forestall any rebuttal. “Sorry, don’t mean to ruin the moment. I’m thinking about how else we can put all that frustrated energy to good use. Wanna go pick a fight with the Summers’ kids?”

A slow smile spreads across Daken’s face. “Well now. Finally, a family outing I can get behind. I believe that’s precisely what we need right now. Care to lead the way?”

He still hates her boyfriend, of course, but he supposes he can let that be.

For now, at least.

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words-and-fangirling-wonder · 6 years

Text

The Babysitter

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Rating: General Audience

Prompt From @bobalongbill: Bakugo Babysits

Author: Fangirl Wonder (WordsandWonder on AO3)

“I’m sorry … I must have heard you wrong. I could have sworn you just said you go Bakugo to babysit our child while we go out. And that cannot possibly be correct. Because you love our child and would never do that to him. Right?”

Izuku gulped at his husband’s fierce expression. “He heard me asking Uraraka and offered to do it when she said she couldn’t! What was I supposed to say? Kaachan never offers to do nice things for people! I didn’t want to turn him down and discourage him.”

“You tell him that we prefer everyone to be alive when we come home from date night, so you have to politely decline!” Shoto growled, running a hand through his two-toned hair in frustration.

“I think you might be overreacting just a little, Shoto.”

Shoto pierces the other man with a searing glare. “Oh, I don’t think so. You seriously think he can handle it? No. This is the worst idea you’ve ever had, and you have had some truly terrible ideas in the past. Call him and cancel, Izuku, I mean it.”

“I would, but-“ An aggressive knock at the door cut off Izuku’s explanation.

“That’s him. Isn’t it?” Shoto asked defeatedly.

“I’m pretty sure it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, it fucking is “him” and “he” can hear everything you’re saying, assholes. Open the damn door!”

“It’s gonna be fine,” Izuku whispered reassuringly, patting his partner on the shoulder before pasting on a smile and opening the door. “Kaachan! Thanks so much for coming!”

“Didn’t clear it with the ball and chain, huh?” Bakugo scoffed, shooting an amused look Shoto’s way.

“It’s fine, Bakugo. We appreciate the help,” Shoto lied, his expression so forced it almost looked painful.

Bakugo shoved his hands in his pockets with a petulant look. “Tsk. Whatever. Not like it’s a big deal. Where is he, anyway?”

“Ah, he’s just playing in his room right now, Kaachan! Let me go get him!”

As Izuku rushed off to fetch his son, Shoto crossed his arms and gave Bakugo an appraising once-over. “So, Bakugo. What kind of experience do you have with children? You babysit often?”

“Psh, what do I fucking look like? I never babysat before in my life. Can’t be that hard, though, right? You guys do it.”

It took a great deal of restraint for Shoto to keep his voice calm. “We aren’t babysitting, we’re parents.”

The blonde shrugged. “Basically the same thing, innit?”

“No-“

“Here he is! Say hello.”

Izuku gently guided a small, freckled child with wild auburn curls and deep emerald eyes to stand in front of him. Rather than saying hello, the boy simply stared, wide-eyed, at Bakugo.

“This is Kaachan, buddy. Think you can be good for him while Dad and I are gone?” The little redhead nodded and Izuku grinned warmly at him. “Great! Kaachan, emergency numbers are on the counter, and there’s food in the fridge for dinner. You can either have leftovers or make something else, but he’s kinda picky so leftovers might be best. Any questions before we go?”

“Uh …” Bakugo stared back at the kid, barely even listening to Izuku’s information. “Nah, I think we’re good.”

“Good! Well, have fun guys!” And with that, Izuku pulled Shoto, who looked very much like he had several protests to share, out the door. Leaving Bakugo alone with their kid.

“Okay, so... Whaddaya wanna do?” the man finally asked after several minutes of silence.

The boy said nothing.

“Oi, kid! I asked what you wanna fucking do.”

Silence.

“Fine then, let’s go watch TV.”

Bakugo led the way into the living room and flopped down on the couch, flicking on the flatscreen tv. “Pretty nice digs ya got here, huh?” he questioned casually, glancing at the small human who had dutifully followed after him.

The boy still did not respond.

“Okay, enough with this shit. You’re a kid! Aren’t you supposed to be loud and ask too many questions and shit? Aren’t parents always whining they never get any peace and quiet. The fuck is your deal?”

When the tiny redhead still didn’t answer Bakugo growled in frustration and yanked out his phone, punching the number in so hard it was a miracle he didn’t crack the screen.

“Yo, Bakugo! What’s up? Thought you were babysitting today,” Kirishima greeted cheerfully.

“I am, dude, but I think it’s broken.”

“Huh? What’s broken?”

“The fucking kid, man. I think it’s broken.”

“Shit, well why are you calling me if he’s hurt? Call Izuku!” Kirishima demanded, his voice laced with slight panic.

“No, no, it’s not hurt or anything, it’s just … sitting there.”

Kirishima took a calming breath. At least it was a relief to know the child wasn’t injured. “Well, first off it is a he. Second, what makes you think he’s “broken” or whatever? What is he doing?”

Bakugo glanced down to make sure the kid was still there. Yup, he was, still just observing the blonde unwaveringly. “Just fucking sitting there staring at me! I tried talking to it, but it just stares.”

“Okay, well, he’s probably scared of you. Trying smiling at him and being nice to him and not swearing so much. Ask him what he likes. Get him to show you his room. Kids love showing off their stuff.”

“Yeah, okay, I can try that,” Bakugo agreed with a nod. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Call again if that doesn’t work.”

Feeling confident in his ability to get the kid to open up now, Bakugo hung up the phone and turned to the boy, forcing his mouth to curl up in a smile.

He started to cry.

“Ah! Hey, stop that, what the fuck?! Stop crying! I was smiling at you, smiles are happy, damnit, so be happy!” As he reached out to attempt to soothe the child, Bakugo lost his balance and fell off the couch, bouncing off the coffee table and landing on his face.

Just as suddenly as it began, the wailing stopped, replaced by peals of pure, childish laughter.

“Think that’s funny, huh?” The man grumbled, rubbing his chin. “Guess it probably did look kinda stupid. Okay, well at least you’re not crying anymore. Hey kid, where’s your room?”

The boy cocked his head to the side, considering for a moment, but then slowly stood up and led Bakugo to the third door on the left side of the hall.

“Here?”

The boy nodded and opened the door, eyeing Bakugo carefully for his reaction.

“Dude. This is … actually kinda awesome. You like heroes, huh?”

“Like” probably wasn’t a strong enough word to describe the level of fandom showcased in this room. The walls were hung with countless posters of the top heroes, both from their time and the generation before theirs, paired with what looked like handwritten notes about each, tacked next to the appropriate pictures.

“Aren’t you too young to write? Oh, no wait, I see. These are Deku’s notes. Huh. Guess you’re a little nerd just like he was.” Captivated as he was by the amount of hero paraphernalia in the room, Bakugo had failed to notice that the boy had disappeared from his side. But he was made instantly aware of it when a piercing shriek, almost like a war cry, filled the small space and something soft but large collided with his back. “What the fuck?!” he sputtered, whirling around to find the source of the attack.

It was the kid, standing on a dresser shrouded in an impressive three-year-old ferocity as he picked up another stuffed animal and whipped it at Bakugo.

“Daddy give me his books, but I not a nerd! You wanna fight? I tear you apart!” And with that promise the child launched himself at the shocked man, colliding with his chest and sending them both sprawling across the carpet.

“Hey, stop! Quit hittin’ me, damnit!” Bakugo yelled, struggling to catch the rapidly moving fists as the boy rained blows on him.

“You make funna my Daddy?! I send you to the NORTH POLE!” The child screamed, aiming a solid blow at Bakugo’s shoulder.

It didn’t take long for Bakugo to get his bearings and subdue the kid with a bear-hug hold that kept his still flailing arms pinned to his sides.

“Oooookay, then,” he whistled. “Who woulda thought those two would raise such a little hellion! You got fire, boy, I like you.”

“Lemme go! I fight you!”

“Tsk. With those measly punches? You’re not doing any damage with those. If you promise not to hit me anymore I’ll let you go and teach you how to really fight someone.”

Huge emerald eyes turned to him in awe. “Like a hero?”

“Yeah, just like a hero,” Bakugo promised.

They spent the next three hours working on basic fighting techniques (including the art of intimidating trash talking), completely forgetting about dinner. It wasn’t until the boy started nodding off mid-punch that Bakugo realized how late it was.

“Ah shit, you gotta go to bed, kid.”

“NEVEEEERRRR!!!” Somehow completely re-energized, the child jumped up and raced out of the bedroom, evading Bakugo at every turn as the temporary caregiver chased him around the house.

“Come back here, you little shit! You were dead on your feet a second ago, damnit!”

“You never catch me alive! Hahahahaha!!”

In the end, Bakugo didn’t catch him. He just gave up and collapsed, exhausted, on the couch, shouting an admission of defeat and hoping the little guy heard it from wherever he was hiding. He yawned so widely it made his jaw pop and realized with some surprise that he hadn’t had such an intense workout in a long time. He was completely drained, and his head barely hit the armrest of the couch before he was fast asleep.

Shoto and Izuku found both their son and their babysitter passed out on the couch when they walked in the door about half an hour later, both scowling and muttering in their sleep.

“See?” Izuku prompted, nudging his husband and pointing to the pair of sleepers. “I knew they’d be fine.”

“Let’s hold off on that judgment until we see how much they damaged the house. Those two are much too alike to have gotten out of this unscathed.”

Izuku grudgingly had to agree. Who would have thought that he’d end up with a son so similar to his long-time rival? “Let’s save the inspection for tomorrow. C’mon, you put him to bed and I’ll see Kaachan out.”

Bakugo left surprisingly easily, with little more than a grumbled “took you assholes long enough” and a flippant wave of his hand as he offered to come back sometime. An offer Izuku was more than happy to take him up on.

That is, until his son, who for all his aggressive tendencies had never used foul language, awoke the next morning and asked where his fucking breakfast was.

#Holiday fanfic extravaganza #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #katsuki bakugou #kirishima eijiro #OC child #todoroki x midoriya #babysitting

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leisurelypanda · 7 years

Text

Life is Good chapter 17

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11676360/chapters/27588132

There was one thing that Craig wanted to do before Amanda went back to college to finish out her semester and since she was obligated to return on Sunday, that meant that they had to do it on Saturday if they wanted to do it as a family. Craig, of course, was talking about getting a Christmas tree. Not that he told Andrew and Amanda. He wanted to surprise them.

“Why are we driving out to the middle of nowhere?” Amanda said. “If we get lost and have no service, I’m not up for doing any of that survivalist stuff in Long Haul Ice Road Paranormal Ghost Truckers.”

“Relax,” Andrew said. “If we have to do any of that stuff, my bro and I can start a fire.”

“Getting lucky one time when you had camping supplies and dry wood doesn’t count, Pops,” she said. “That was spring time. Have you seen the snow on the ground?”

“There’s not that much,” he protested. “And you have so little faith in your father, Amanda.”

Craig turned onto a little road with a sign with a Christmas tree on it. They were getting close. The girls and he had gotten their trees from this farm for years. And this early in the season, they would have the best choices, unless they were all taken in the Black Friday rush. Which was doubtful. As soon as he saw the place he turned and parked in the small parking lot.

“We’re cutting a Christmas tree?” Amanda asked with festive cheer. “Like, an actual Christmas tree, not a fake one?”

“An actual Christmas tree, dude,” he said. “We’ll cut it down and everything. Get a picture, even.”

Andrew took his hand and laced their fingers together. “You’re the best, bro.”

“I just figured you’d like for us all to do this together, bro,” he said, touching their foreheads together. “You deserve it. Both of you.”

“Bro, stop, you’re gonna make me cry and then we’ll just run into something cause I can’t see,” he replied, blushing. Because of the cold. Obviously.

“Don’t worry,” Craig said. “I got you bro.”

The girls were already running through the rows and rows of trees looking for the perfect tree. Amanda found one that was beautiful, but Craig said was too tall for his living room. They found another one that was short enough, but had a huge hole on one side. Hazel found one that was also short enough, but the branches were a bit bare. They went through this in quick succession. Trees that were too tall, some that were too short, some that were too thin, some that had really prickly needles. Finally they found one that was short enough to get into the house and put a star on top of that was also fat enough to fit all the ornaments on. Amanda set up her camera on the tripod and got them a few family pictures until she was satisfied, then demanded the pleasure of taking the handsaw to the base of the tree and shouting “timber” as it fell to the ground.

They got home and set it up near the window across from one of the couches in the living room.

“Gotta say Pops,” Amanda said. “It’s nice to have an actual Christmas tree. Too bad I gotta leave tomorrow.”

“Don’t say that, we’re decorating it tonight and getting a picture of it before you go back to college,” Andrew said. “And stop bringing up that you’re leaving, let me live in denial until tomorrow.”

“Sure thing, Pops,” she said, giving him a hug. “Now let’s make this thing pretty!”

Thus followed an evening of finding the boxes of Christmas ornaments and arranging them on the tree. Some were broken, as per usual. They figured out pretty quickly that keeping Carl Jr (and more importantly his tail, which was prone to wagging) away from the tree was essential and placing non-breakable ornaments on the lower levels while they were gone. First up were all four “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments, Craig and Andrew gushing over their memories of those precious first Christmases with their daughters rolling their eyes over their cheesiness. Once all those ornaments were safely on the tree, they got started on the rest.

There were stars and horrible child crafted ornaments made of foam and classic colorful glass ornaments. Amanda broke some (accidentally, she claimed). None that were of sentimental value, though. They hung candy canes and strung golden lights through its branches and when that was all done, they covered the tree in tinsel. Finally Craig (because he was the tallest) got up on a step stool and placed a star on the tree and it was done. It was a beautiful sight.

“It’s gonna be a great Christmas this year,” Amanda declared. “I can already tell.”

“I think you’re right, Manda Panda,” Andrew said. ***********************************************************************************************************

The house wasn’t the same without Amanda. The most obvious way, of course, was that Andrew was very obviously in a funk, despite the cheerful Christmas tree. It was like this the first time she left for college a couple months ago. It was a little less pronounced this time by the knowledge that she would be back in a couple weeks for a month long winter break, but he was still a little less responsive, animated, and upbeat.

Craig understood. Sort of. His girls were all pretty young, after all. Even his twins were still in elementary school. They didn’t go away for months on end. Usually just for a weekend. But still, Craig knew that his bro missed his girl. There was nothing to be done but wait for his bro to get it out of his system. It wasn’t easy. How do you get used to someone who’s been your only family being away most of the time?

The weekend after Amanda went back to college, the girls went to Smashley’s house for the weekend. Craig decided to try and help his bro take his mind off of his woes. Through retail therapy. And since the girls were away for the weekend, it was the perfect opportunity to get their Christmas shopping done.

They walked through the doors of the mall and Andrew was suddenly hit with the realization that he had no idea how to shop for a family of athletes. Amanda was more artistic and creative. Most years she was happy with arts and crafts supplies (until she started focusing on photography, that is) or a video game or tv series. Hazel and Briar, however, liked sports. They liked running around outside in sports jerseys and baseball hats and cleats.

This is why I ask people what they want before I go shopping, he thought. Though surprise gifts can be better than the stuff you knew you wanted.

That being said, Andrew had lived with them for a few months, so it was easier to think of something than it would have been if he had been trying to think of something just seeing them a few times a week. Hazel was more bold, adventurous, mischievous, and a bit of a hellion. Briar was more shy, thoughtful, got better grades, and a thinker. Both of them had a competitive streak nurtured through years of playing sports. He might not know how to shop for athletes, but he could work with competitive stuff. They walked into a store lined with toys and games and Andrew walked right to the board game section and picked up a game that he played with his family when he visited.

“What’s that, bro?” Craig asked, looking over his shoulder. He was holding a couple of Nerf guns, the kind with the suction cups that stuck to walls. Or people.

“This, bro, is probably one of the best board games ever devised,” Andrew said.

“You think they’ll like it?” he asked.

“I think they’ll become addicted to it,” Andrew said. He also grabbed an expansion so that the five of them could all play the game together. “The question is, are you prepared to deal with your daughters shooting each other with Nerf guns?”

“I might regret this, but they’ll love it. I just hope they don’t break anything,” he said.

“Good luck with that,” Andrew teased.

They went to a digital supply store next and got some new lenses and filters for Amanda, who had wanted to do some experimenting with her photography once the semester was over. Craig looked around at the smart technology, like washers, refrigerators, and such. Andrew grinned. “In case you were hoping to get one for Christmas,” he teased, “I don’t think I can quite afford a new fridge, bro.”

Craig side-eyed him, but grinned back. “Nah bro, I just think it’s crazy that people actually need to buy stuff like this. I mean, I could barely figure out my smartphone when I first got it.”

“I hear you, bro,” he replied.

On the way out, he spotted the Lord of the Rings extended edition box set for Blu-ray complete with commentaries and cast interviews. Andrew eyed it enviously. He’d never been able to find it when he actually had the money to afford it. Taking care of his daughter was always his first priority. He turned away from it hesitantly and went with Craig to purchase their gifts and head home.

#craig cahn x dadsona #amanda ann #hazel cahn #briar cahn #Christmas #Christmas trees #Life Is Good #fanfic #dream daddy #ddadds

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redjayson · 7 years

Note

Okay so in Batman Beyond there's an episode where Bruce and Terry go see a 'Batman Musical', just imagine that goes on in Gotham and Jason finds out and asks(forces/tricks) the batfam to go.

i’m finally answering this! i had a really rough week, which is why this took a while, but i kept thinking about this prompt and laughing, so thank you for that.

and on that note: are you serious, that’s amazing. i vaguely remember watching batman beyond but i don’t actually remember all that much about it. i’ll need to look this up.

but yes. yes. i want this to be a Thing.

i want to imagine it as something between holy musical b@man! and the ember island players. like. just picture the kind of crazy misinformed shit that these people are tossing into the mix because what’s the truth and what’s the lie, no one knows, they’re going to make a musical about batman and his however many kids/sidekicks anyway

(they people putting on this play are probably college students)

(stephanie has probably dropped by to help with set designs and laughed herself sick in the process)

getting back on track, how does jason find out about it?

there are two ways i think it could happen. one: jason loves lit. we know this. he collected first editions with alfred and bruce when he was a kid. in my personal experience, if you like lit, you almost definitely like theater in some sense as well. at the very least you’ve read plays.

jason holds his goddamn red hood helmet like he’s hamlet and it’s yorick.

trust me, he likes plays.

so maybe he pays attention to the kinds of plays that are being shown around gotham. he likes going to some of the matinee performances on saturday and sunday afternoons – he can’t go in the evening because he has to patrol. sometimes alfred goes with him. it’s…nice. and yeah, going to performances means that sometimes he goes to the gotham university performances as well. they actually have pretty good ones. a couple years ago they put on the importance of being earnest and then twelfth night the next semester. he was too busy when they were putting on godspell and west side story to be able to go see them, which he’s still disappointed about.

anyway. it’s not like whoever’s putting on this ridiculous play is keeping secret about the fact that they’re making it about batman and co.

(i’ve made up my mind: it’s definitely the university kids that are putting it on. they’re the team starkid of gotham city. i bet a bunch of them said, “hey, we should do this, and also i bet it could count as our senior thesis” and they all went along with it and now they can’t turn back. they don’t want to turn back. this is going to amazing or they’re going to be arrested by batman, but god, what a way to go.)

so jason finds out, and, like steph, he busts a gut laughing about it before deciding that this is awesome and he’s definitely going to bully the rest of the family into seeing it with him. every time he thinks about bruce’s face he just starts laughing all over again. oh man. it’s going to be amazing.

the other way that jason finds out, though:

campus isn’t his usual haunt, but he’s been following some jackass with a connection to one of his open cases. spoiler has too much homework to help him, but she’s already given him the go-ahead to work on campus, which is nominally her space to patrol/operate in.

and this dude – it doesn’t really matter what he did. he’s connected to drugs or he’s friends with the wrong person or he’s done something else. jason’s going to get everything he needs from the guy and then drop him off at the precinct. with a bullet to the leg if he really annoys jason.

the thing is, the dude’s a member of the make-up crew for the batman musical. they’re doing dress rehearsals tonight. jason’s in full armor because he just wants to get this done and get back to his regular patrol routes as soon as possible. (like the rest of gotham, the campus is easy to grapple around. jason doesn’t have to touch the ground and shadows his target from the rooftops.)

the guy goes into the theater building. jason needs to make sure that he’s not meeting with anyone before jason grabs him. that’s why he didn’t take him out during any of the time that it took for the guy to cross campus to the theater building. meeting at the theater would be a good cover; there’s so much happening when rehearsing, so many people coming in and out, in all sorts of costumes and make up – if you needed to meet someone clandestinely, there are worse places that civilians have thought were secret.

jason slides through a window, makes his way up into the balcony seats so he can spy (gotham university has a very nice theater. in the past, the waynes have donated generously to it), and –

“oh my god,” jason says, staring at the stage.

he ducks down so that none of the actors can see him if they look up from their acting and past the lights to the balcony. jason tries to keep his laughter quiet, but it’s so fucking funny.

when he’s finally regained control of himself, he decides to just go for it. he feels a little bad about interrupting their rehearsal, but hey. gotham is all about unexpected surprises, and really, what else were they expecting when they decided to make a play about batman?

“can anyone point me to where brad merritt is?” jason calls as he strolls into the auditorium. his shit-eating grin is hidden beneath the helmet.

the actors all grind to a sudden stop.

“um,” says an actor who’s probably meant to be the replacement. he looks at actor-nightwing. actor-nightwing turns to actor-batman.

“he’s in the back with the rest of the make-up crew,” actor-batman says.

“cool,” jason says, hopping up onto the stage and walking past them. he shoots them friendly finger guns. “you’ll need to replace him. he’s going to be in jail opening week.”

behind the stage, jason catches a glimpse of brad before he takes in red hood stalking towards him and bolts.

“you get the assholes on campus next time, spoiler,” jason grumbles, and then he’s taking off after his target.

so jason knows and he is all about that. he is going to see that shit opening night. he’s so damn ready.

“stephanie,” he complains, sprawled out on her couch and finishing off the leftover lo mein that was in her fridge. “why didn’t you tell me what the university kids were doing?”

“what university kids?” steph asks, head still bent over her chemistry textbook.

“the theater kids,” jason says. “the batman play.”

stephanie looks up, already laughing. “i know, right?” she says. “i’ve been helping out with some of the sets in my spare time and i’ve heard bits of it and it’s going to be a thing of wonder.” she grins. “they’ve even got spoiler in it!”

“hell yeah,” jason says, getting up to throw away the lo mein carton and high-fiving steph as he passes. he sits next to her at the table. “you think we can convince the rest of the family to go?”

“i can get cass and tim,” steph says.

“i can definitely get alfred,” jason says. “probably also dick.”

they look at each other.

“he’s your dad,” steph says.

“he’s not my–” jason starts, then shakes his head. “goddammit. fine. if i get bruce to go, he’ll make damian go, as a…family bonding thing or something. two for one.”

“awesome,” steph says. “i didn’t want to try to convince the little hellion to go, anyway.”

“you’re in charge of babs,” jason says.

“sure,” steph says.

they fall into an easy silence. steph turns back to her chemistry work.

“you did that last problem wrong,” jason says, craning his head to look at her work.

steph throws her pencil at his head.

it takes two bribes, a guilt trip, and five minutes for dick to stop laughing (which jason will tolerate, because he did the exact same thing), but the entire wayne family, stephanie brown, and barbara gordon show up to the gotham university theater the opening night of The Batman Musical.

the actual name of the musical is something else, but to their family, it’s just The Batman Musical.

jason’s still horrendously disappointed he didn’t get to surprise bruce with the news of there being a play about their family. he was treasuring the idea of what bruce’s face was going to do.

“i pay attention to the theater scene, jason,” bruce said when jason brought it up. “as does alfred.”

yes, jason knew.

“and i pay attention to anything to do with batman,” bruce added. in case they get anywhere too close to the truth, he didn’t say out loud, but jason could hear the subtext just fine. paranoia, thy name is bat.

“but you’ll go see it with us, right?” jason asked.

bruce turned back to his computer.

cue the guilt trip and bruce’s eventual acquiescence. if jason didn’t get to see bruce’s face at the whole idea of it, then at the very least he was going to make absolutely sure that bruce would be at the performance.

damian’s look of disgust at the whole idea of it nearly made up for the disappointment with bruce, anyway.

they show their tickets at the door and are shown to their seats. they take up a good portion of an entire row. jason makes sure to place himself between steph and alfred. there’s a brief scuffle when tim almost ends up sitting next to damian, before bruce sighs, pushes them apart, and sits between the two of them. cass leans her head against steph’s shoulder, half-asleep; she’d had a long night, apparently. barbara catches jason’s eye and looks reluctantly amused at this whole thing. dick is flipping through the playbill on damian’s other side and laughing very, very quietly.

the musical starts and it is, indeed, a thing of wonder.

highlights of the play, since i’m not going to actually figure out what the plot of it would be:

batman dealing with villains and every so often just picking up a child and handing them a domino mask. congratulations you are now my vigilante sidekick.

in the audience, in reaction to one scene in the play jason and stephanie say, perfectly in sync: “did robin just die?”

cass, her head still leaning against steph’s shoulder: “you know...it was really unclear.”

jason and stephanie burst into raucous laughter

people don’t know much about about oracle, but she’s been active for a while, and some information must have spread. still. the general public has no idea what oracle looks like or what gender they are, so i present to you that the role of oracle in The Batman Musical is played by someone who wanders around in a bright green morphsuit and occasionally disseminates information when the batfam needs it

so many wonderful songs. jason and stephanie are already making plans to ask if the university is going to put out an album afterwards. if not, they’re pretty sure that they can convince dick and/or bruce to let them help fund one

damian is So Offended at first, but he gradually gets into it, because there’s some poking fun at batman and the idea of vigilantes in general, etc., but at the core of it the love that gotham feels for batman and his family really seeps through.

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