#obsessed with john in this picture. no surprises there. but my god does he look lost. who allowed this 12 year old at the table!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skiesofthesketchy · 4 years

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Unsend {1}

JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You accidentally sent your nude to your friend lol.

AN: Hi! Ummm... I wrote this. Idk lemme know if you like it and if you’d like to read a part 2!! Me.. over here obsessed with JJ baby. Ok thanks for reading love you :)

Warnings: lots of swearing, somewhat explicit descriptions, a smidge of blackmail...

Word count: 2.9k

Part 2: Send It

***

It was one of those days where you weren’t feeling particularly great about yourself. Nothing specific was the cause of such feelings, but today you just felt... bleh.

Your rattiest pair of sweatpants adorned your legs and you wore an extra large shirt on top. Your hair was pulled into something that sort of resembled a bun, your face was covered in a mud mask, which looked and smelled gross, but the packaging said it would make your skin soft. You usually didn’t mind your appearance, especially when you’re just lounging around at home, but today you didn’t feel pretty.

Pretty is not the most important thing in the world. Still, it felt nice to feel pretty.

This led you to go through some of your old photos. It always made you happier to look back on some of the amazing memories you’d made. Scrolling through your camera roll on your phone, you found pictures from instances you had totally forgotten about. Your heart melted when you clicked on one of you and your friends.

It was the first day of summer, and your squad spent the entire day surfing before hanging out at the Chateau afterwards. John B. and JJ had grilled up some burgers while you helped Pope make a fire in the yard. Kiara had been the designated DJ of the night, which was her excuse for not helping with dinner. You all sat in camping chairs and hammocks as you ate and listened to music, talking and laughing about anything that came up.

It was a pure moment, and you smiled at the photo. You had insisted on taking a picture to commemorate the amazing day, the first day of a wild summer ahead of you. You had set your phone on the porch with a timer, and yelled at everyone to quickly pose. They were already standing in somewhat of a formation, and as you ran to them to get ready for the picture, JJ grabbed you by the waist and spun you around so that he was holding you with your back against his chest.

“Say pogues for life!” Kiara shouted, and you all huddled closer together in a group hug, JJ smooshing his cheek against yours with arms around your waist as you all screamed at the top of your lungs, “Pogues for life!”

You saved the photo to favorites, the sight of it making you feel better already. Before scrolling again, you zoomed in on your face, your cheek squished against JJ’s, and it made you blush. Any time he held you close, it made your skin heat up and your insides turn to mush.

Sighing, you kept scrolling, and were surprised to find a handful of scandalous pictures you had taken. You remember this day too, and you were feeling extra great about yourself then. So great that you had decided to snap a few nudes. You hadn’t sent them to anyone, but figured it was nice to have a few photos of you looking sexy. You blushed as you looked through these, wondering if you’d ever have the courage to actually send them to someone someday.

Your screen still displayed one of your nudes when you got a text from Kie. For some unknown reason, your phone spazzed out and the screen froze. “Come on,” you mumbled, pressing on the screen and the home button several times. You tapped repeatedly on the screen, annoyed that nothing was happening. Then it seemed to have started working again, because it lit up and you were suddenly watching your photo being sent to someone.

“Oh my fucking god.” Your eyes widened. “What the fuck did I just do!?”

Panic surged throughout your whole body. Your phone seemed to be working just fine now, but did you actually just send your nude to somebody?! You rushed to your messaging app, and the first name at the top of the screen was none other than JJ Maybank.

“No!” you yelled. You clicked on his name and sure enough, your naked body was in the chat, underneath it, the word, ‘Delivered.’

You threw your phone onto the bed. “This cannot be happening to me right now.” ‘Shit, shit, shit,’ was all that was running through your head on a loop as you tried to think of what to do.

‘Maybe he hasn’t seen it yet,’ you thought. You quickly picked up your phone again and called JJ, praying he would pick up. You needed to tell him NOT to open his messages. To delete the whole chat right now before he sees the picture.

He didn’t answer, and you huffed, dialing his number again. You had to get a hold of him. If there’s any chance he hasn’t seen it yet, you were going to make sure he never does. You don’t know how you’d live with the humiliation.

The call once again went to voicemail, and you were on your feet in seconds. You still had hope, thinking if he wasn’t answering your calls, he didn’t even have his phone on him, which means he couldn’t have seen the picture yet.

You slid on some shoes and grabbed your backpack, not even bothering to look in the mirror before running out of your house. You knew JJ would be at the Chateau, and it was only a fifteen minute walk from your house. You figured you could make it in five if you ran.

Then you were sprinting down the streets like a mad woman, your face still painted with the brown mud mask, which was starting to melt off as it mixed with your sweat. You didn’t even care. You just needed to get to JJ’s phone before he did.

“I’m gon’ take a shower,” John B. muttered to JJ. JJ didn’t respond as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. He found his phone resting on the couch as he sat down, taking a swig of Coors. He scrolled through the few notifications he had, the boy furrowing his brows when he saw two missed calls from you and a text.

He didn’t think anything of it when he clicked on your text message, but what he saw had him spitting out his beer all over his lap and the coffee table.

Your face wasn’t in the shot, but JJ knew it was you without a doubt. You were completely naked and laid across your bed. The frame showed from your collarbones down to your thighs, one of your legs propped up lazily, showing all of your most private parts.

JJ was stunned. He wasn’t thinking about why you had sent him this photo out of the blue. He was left ogling the picture in utter disbelief. Your tits were on full display, your nipples hardened into peaks, your skin looking flawless. JJ couldn’t help the grunt that escaped him when he zoomed in on your pussy. He had only dreamed of seeing you this way, but never in a million years thought that he actually would. Naughty thoughts started to swirl in his head when he heard the sound of rapid footsteps just outside.

It was you, panting wildly and your mind still racing. “JJ?” you yelled as you bounded up the porch steps. JJ quickly tucked his phone away on instinct, as if he already knew he shouldn’t have been looking at that photo.

You barged into the front door and stopped in your tracks when you found JJ standing in the living room. He chuckled as he looked you up and down. You were a complete mess, and it was plainly obvious that you had just been running for your life. “Y/N?” he asked.

“Where’s your phone?” You didn’t have time to explain, and you didn’t want to. You just needed to delete the photo without JJ knowing, and then you could forget this ever happened.

JJ decided to play dumb. He found the current state you were in more than amusing, and he thought about how his day has already gotten so much better. “Uh, I don’t know. Why?”

“Come on, J, where is it?”

“I said I don’t have it. What’s this about?” He had an idea of why you ran in demanding his phone, but he wanted to watch you squirm as you tried to explain it. He wasn’t going to let you know he had seen your nude just yet.

“Nothing, I just need it, okay?” You started frantically looking around, throwing pillows and blankets onto the floor. “Where is it?” you grumbled. You still looked like a crazy person, and JJ was enjoying the scene in front of him way too much.

“I’ll help you look if you tell me why you need it.” The man was smirking, which pissed you off but you were too busy panicking to care right now.

“I’ll just call it,” you said, before taking your phone out to call him. JJ took another swig of his beer as he watched you, totally unhinged. He knew he was about to be caught in his lie, but he was excited for it. This whole situation excited him.

His ringtone started blaring from his pocket and you looked at him in disbelief. “JJ, seriously? Gimme your damn phone.” You were now standing in front of him, still quivering with nerves but putting on an angry face for him.

“No,” he smiled, looking more like the devil than the JJ you know and love.

“I swear to god, JJ, I will murder you.” You reached for his pockets, but he had already slipped the phone out and held it above his head, out of your reach.

“Just tell me why you need it so badly!” He laughed as you jumped and yanked on his arm trying to get his phone. He easily kept it away from you, but you were putting in an admirable amount of effort.

“None of your business!” you yelled childishly, hitting him in the chest as you continued to reach for the phone.

“My phone, my business.” You shouted in anguish and jumped on him, making you both crash onto the couch with you practically laying on top of him. Being in this position with your friend would’ve made you embarrassed, but you had too much adrenaline pumping through your veins to care.

Your hands finally grabbed hold of the phone but he snatched it away from you and tucked it into the front of his pants. You looked at him again baffled. “Go on, take it,” he said. You wanted to slap the smirk right off his face.

“Don’t think I won't.”

“I hope you do, sweetheart.” His eyes burned into you in a challenging stare, his face only inches from yours. You knew he was just having the time of his life right now, teasing the shit out of you. You held his gaze, wishing you could burn a hole right through him.

“Fine. You win,” you sighed. It was a bluff. You weren’t going to actually stick your hand down his pants! You sat back in defeat, but that’s when you realized the position you were in. You were straddling JJ, your top half leaning over him and his stupid, cocky face right under you. Heat rose to your cheeks as you hurried to get off of him.

“Seriously JJ. I accidentally sent you something that you’re not supposed to see.” You decided to come clean, the embarrassment of the situation too much for you to handle any longer. You just needed to get this over with.

He sat up, deciding to come clean as well. “Oh, are you talking about the nudie?” he asked.

Your eyes widened until they were bulging out of your head. “You saw it?!” you screamed. This was your worst nightmare, accidentally sending a naked photo to someone. Of course it had to randomly be sent to JJ. You knew he would never let you live this down. You were right, this is utterly humiliating.

“Come on,” JJ laughed, still enjoying every second of this. “Don’t be embarrassed!”

“Of course I’m embarrassed, JJ!” you yelled at him. “You weren’t supposed to see that. It was an accident!”

“It’s nothing to get so worked up about. It’s a great picture, and I’ll cherish it forever.” The gleam in his eye had your stomach twisting in knots.

“Like hell you will. Fucking delete it.”

“You sent it to me. It’s mine now,” he smiled wickedly.

“JJ,” you warned, glaring at him. He didn’t take you seriously though, mud still on your face in patches.

“Y/N...” he teased.

The scolding approach wasn’t going to work, and you sighed. “Please JJ? Can’t you see how humiliating this is for me?”

“It shouldn't be. You’re hot as fuck and you should be flaunting it.” Your cheeks burned at his words and the butterflies you knew oh so well were set loose in your stomach. The butterflies that only seemed to appear when you’re with JJ.

“What? That-- that’s not the point,” you stuttered. “I don’t want a naked picture of me to be on your phone!”

“But I do,” he argued.

“JJ!” You didn’t let your mind drift to why he wanted the photo and only focused on getting the picture deleted. “You’re being a dick!”

“Fine, I’ll delete it,” he said after laughing at your pissed off expression, then standing up and retrieving the phone from his crotch. “On one condition.”

You hit him repeatedly in the chest, overrun by anger once again. “So you’re gonna blackmail me now? Are you fucking kidding me?”

He laughed, not affected at all by your assault. “I’m not above blackmail, sweetheart. Do you want to hear my condition or not?”

You crossed your arms over your chest with a huff. “Fine. What is it?”

He smirked, coming closer to you. As scary and seductive as he looked right now, you held your ground, eyes meeting his devilish stare.

“I’ll delete the pic if I get to see the real thing.”

“What?!” Your mind was spinning once again as heat rushed to your cheeks. “You-- You’re not serious!”

“Dead serious, Y/N.” He was shameless. Despite his attraction and feelings towards you, he knew you were off limits. No pogue on pogue macking was the rule. But today’s series of events had him thinking perhaps you weren’t as out of reach as he thought.

If you agreed to his condition, it would be the best day of his life. If not, he knew he’d have to deal with you hating him for a while until he finally made it up to you, but this was a risk he was willing to take.

You shook your head, turning away from him to hide your embarrassment. You didn’t understand why he would actually suggest such a thing. Was he really going to treat you like every other touron he picked up? Or did he like you? You couldn’t fathom the latter actually being true.

“That’ll never happen, JJ.”

He ignored the pain in his chest that was struck by your words. “Then I guess I’m the proud owner of one of your nudes,” he smiled.

“Come on, JJ. This isn’t funny.”

“I think it’s funny.”

“Well it’s not!” You eyed the phone in his hands and decided to take a chance. You pushed the man as hard as you could and when he crashed to the couch, you lunged for it.

“Ha!” you yelled, grinning ear to ear with his phone in your hands.

“Hey, give that back!” JJ got up, but you bolted out of the house, JJ running after you.

As you tried not to stumble over your own feet, you unlocked his phone and clicked on your message. “You better not delete it!” he yelled after you, catching up fast. Despite how serious you thought this situation was, it really wasn’t too big of a deal. He was laughing as he chased you, and you cheered in triumph when you finally managed to delete the photo.

‘Crisis averted,’ you thought. Except now you had to deal with the knowledge that JJ actually saw a naked photo of you. You were still embarrassed, but at least now there’s no evidence of this ever actually happening.

“Aw, come on,” JJ chuckled as he finally caught up to you. “I didn’t even have a chance to jerk off to it yet.”

“JJ!” You hit him in the chest. You didn’t think you could take much more of his teasing. Not today.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to get my hands on it again someday,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes and started stalking away, ready to just go home now. He only laughed as he watched you retreat.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You turned around to find him behind you, looking as handsome as ever. “What?”

“It was sexy,” he said bluntly, as if his words didn’t just light your insides on fire. “You’re sexy.” He winked at you, then casually sauntered off back to the house, leaving you in a confused daze.

“Fuck you!” you yelled after him before running off into the direction of your house. ‘At least that’s over with,’ you thought, but you knew JJ was only going to continue teasing and flirting with you now that he saw how riled up you had become. How you were going to handle that, you didn’t know, but for some crazy reason, you smiled at the thought.

---------------------------------------------------------------

part 2??

#jj maybank #outer banks #obx #rudy pankow #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic

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tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar · 4 years

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Oh No, I think I'm Catching Feelings.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x You

Summary: One day, during your stay in Outer Banks for your dad's business trip, you get inside of JJ's head. His friends are no help.

Word Count: 1367

Note: I dreamt about this last night so of course I had to write it as soon and fast as possible. The title is based on the song Sex by EDEN. I mention it during a scene so you should listen to the song when you read it. I might write a Part 2 that's inspired by the lyrics (giving me feedback will help me make up my mind).I hope you love it!

*not my gif. Credit to the owner!*

For the past two days, the only time your father talks to you is when he reminds you that this isn't a vacation, it's for work. You get stuck to go to brunch with his partner's daughter in the four star you're staying in.

Your mother is quick to judge your outfit. Your favorite and most used pair of shoes, shorts, and a t-shirt. "Y/N you must dress to impress." She pushes you back into the room and starts looking through your suitcase. "I told you to hang this all up."

You jump on the bed and shrug your shoulders. "We're just having breakfast- I mean bunch. I don't understand why this is necessary. Can't we just go to the beach and talk? Let her show me around?"

"Your father says they are one of the richest families on this island. We need them to like us." You roll your eyes, as she gives you a pointed look over her shoulder.

"Change into this and head down to the dinner room. The reservation is under your father's name."

You grab the white knee length dress from her to go change in the bathroom.

────

JJ does a double take when he sees Sarah sitting at a table. He fakes a smile and apologizes for overfilling a glass of water.

He quickly walks away and puts his hands on the back of the chair opposite side of her table and learns in. "You know, it took a big toll on my best friend's mood when you canceled on him."

"I'm meeting my dad's new business partner daughter. Trust me, I'm not happy about it either."

He hums to himself. "That's why you're so dressed up?"

She quotes her mother from earlier. "Dress to impress."

"Are you sure it's not a boy and you're just lying to me?"

Sarah crosses her arms around her chest. "You know I don't like liars, JJ." He nods, understanding how far and deep that means.

Taking a sip of her water, she changes the topic. "Will you get in trouble for talking to me instead of working?"

"I can do both and still get in trouble." He switches the salt and pepper shakers around. She laughs as he turns around quickly to do the same with the nearest table as another bus boy walks up with a girl wearing a white dress following behind him.

Sarah gets up to shake her hand but stops, "is that a mood ring? Oh, my god, I used to have like ten in middle school."

Sarah notices JJ looking over his shoulder when the girl laughs as she sits down.

"I had to buy it after I saw a tiktok about them. Brought back middle school memories for me too. I'm Y/N, by the way."

"Sarah."

"I'm JJ." Sarah gives him a look that says, 'are you serious?'

He smirks as he swings a tablecloth over his shoulder. "Do either of you beautiful ladies need a refill?" His grip on the glass water pitcher tightens when he notices they're both full.

Sarah laughs as she picks hers up and mumbles, "smooth."

You can't help to laugh before saying, "I think we're okay for now, thank you."

He smiles at you and doesn't give Sarah a second glance as he hurries off towards the kitchen's doors.

He kicks them open and gets yelled at for running towards the back room. When he reaches his locker, he grabs his phone and is surprised to see Sarah has already beat him to it. He reads the text.

"I invited her to the party at the boneyard."

Another one comes through.

"She asked if it's made of human or animal bones. I told her you'll more than glad to answer that ;)"

"I hate you. You're a great wingwoman."

───

You watch as the cute bus boy blondie walks away. Sarah catches your eye and you say, "there's no boys that look like that at home."

"You should see his best friend, my boyfriend. You bought up tiktok though, which is my new obsession."

"Mine too. Not to be rude or anything, but I really didn't want to do this stupid brunch idea. So thank you, for seeming to be really cool."

She smiles and says, "There's a party happening tonight at the Boneyard, you should come. Tell your dad I invited you, that should get a yes out of him, right?"

"Most definitely. Can you pick me up? I have no idea where that it is. Is it called the boneyard cause there's animal and human bones there's?"

"No, no. But JJ will be there."

You blush. "Are you his wingwoman?"

"This is the first time being it. How am I doing?"

"You're straight to the point, which is good."

"If you like that, just until later tonight. If JJ gets too much, no one will blame you for yelling at him to shut up. He's used to it. I'm kinda hoping you'll make the impossible happen and make him speechless."

She waves off the waiter. "Do you want hangout until then? Since you're dad payed for this, I can use some of my dad's money for a shopping trip?"

"Can we leave right now? I haven't really gone out and explore-"

"Say no more. Let me just text my friend Kiara, she can join us."

───

Kiara pops her elbow on JJ shoulder, smirking. "I had a lot of fun today, thank you for asking."

He passes her a red solo cup and uses a sweet little voice to ask, "What did you do today, sweetheart?"

"Walked around the town, did some shopping, talked about you with Sarah and Y/N."

Pope laughs as he listens and watches JJ face turn bright red. "Please tell me what you three talked about."

"Maybe later. I'm going to go dance with Y/N."

JJ asks, "Where's your girlfriend?" as soon as John B returns to the table with extra cups.

"Don't you mean Y/N?" He shoves him and mutters, "I hate you all."

Pope gives him a questionable look. "I haven't done anything."

"Yet," JJ adds, glaring at him.

───

"I love this song!" You yell over the music and Sarah has to stop dancing and stand in stillb to remember where it's from. "You mean you love the tiktok tend?"

"That too." Kiara notices you are trying to get the very last of your drink. She points at the refill table and you smile in thanks and tell them you'll be right back. They both share knowing looks as they see that JJ has already noticed you heading towards him.

He pushes his way to stand between and in front of John B and Pope and smirks, "Long time no see."

"I'll like that refill now, please."

Pope rolls his eyes when JJ says, "I'm not working." But isn't too surprised when he still grabs the cup from you. With how he's friend is smiling to himself and how you're looking at him, it finally clicks. "Ah! You most be Y/N. He hasn't stopped talking about you all day."

JJ tints the cup sideways towards Pope's shirt and says, "oops." as the rest of the beer spills over him.

You're still trying not to laugh too hard when JJ asks you if you want to come with him to look for a towel.

As you walk beside him towards the Chateau, JJ flips John B and Pope off when he hears whistling and one of them yelling, "there's beach towels everywhere!"

"I really like your friends."

"Yeah well someone has too. You've been with most of them all day today."

"Maybe you and I can to hangout tomorrow? If you don't have plans or work-"

"How long are you staying here?" He can't help to ask. He has been wondering about it all day.

"I'm surprised your wingwoman didn't tell you. Her dad wants mine to work on more stuff here. Probably will be here for the rest of the week."

"I'll tell her to make her dad change it to two more weeks." You smile at him and he watches as you intertwine your arms together.

"We still need to find a towel for Pope, remember?" You tease and he runs his hands through his hair. "Kiara told me about where you guys hang out. Is that where we're going?"

"Only if you tell me what my friends told you about me."

"Where's the fun in that, Maybank?"

He normally hates it when people call him by his last name. He guesses one of his friends told you that. It doesn't bother him. He normally only bring girls to the Chateau during a party to make out - sometimes to have sex in the guestroom. He notices that he doesn't really want to stop walking next to you and talking. As he guards you both to the longer way to get there, he notices that in one day you are ready friends with his friends. He normally doesn't even think adding someone else to the picture.

He barely hears himself saying, "You're not normal." But he laughs with you when you respond with,"Thank God for that."

"Oh no," he thinks to himself. "I think I'm catching feelings."

#jj imagine #jj one shot #jj outer banks imagine #jj obx #obx jj #jj outer banks #jj x y/n #jj x reader #jj x you #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank #rudy pankow #rudy pankow imagine #masterlist

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virtueangel · 4 years

Text

limitless.

chapter ten.

wc: 2,012. original publish date: october 20, 2020.

"John?" Vincent whispers, his forehead against the taller boy's and their noses nuzzled together.

"Yeah?"

"We should, um," Van Gogh swallows, his eyelashes fluttering against JFK's cheeks. "We should go back to the house. I'm hungry and I think some of the wetness of the marsh is seeping in through my boots."

Kennedy lets the boy down off of his toes, unwrapping his arm from around his waist and standing up straight. Van Gogh feels cool April mist dotting his forehead, taking a second to get used to the cold that John's closeness prevented.

"Right," JFK replies, cheeks still pink.

The two walk back to the car side by side, bumping shoulders and grasping fingers in bubbly silence. The time feels endless, yet so rushed. Van Gogh wishes it could last forever.

***

Back at the house, JFK empties a bag of chips into one of the largest salad bowls he could find in the cupboard.

"It's too early for all that salt!" Vincent protests, walking into the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around himself.

"Cold?" JFK asks, ignoring the boy's comment.

"Yeah, actually. It's freezing in here. You think they've got heat?"

"Who is 'they'? I told you, I really don't think anybody lives here."

"Look at me," Van Gogh says, changing the subject.

Kennedy crumples up the chip bag and drops it onto the counter before turning around. "I'm looking."

Vincent swallows. He needs to know what the kiss meant -- if it meant the same to JFK that it did to him. If the kissing is going to continue. But he can't ask that outright. Not with Kennedy; not with a boy who knows how to weasel his way out of any commitment.

Van Gogh steps forward boldly, dropping the blanket from around his shoulders to take John's face in his hand. His eyes flutter shut as he closes the gap between their mouths, leaving a soft kiss on the boy's lips. This one is different from the last two -- sweet and cottony, but there's something else behind it; something hard, as if to say, I'm here and I'm real and I want you.

"Will there be more of that?" Kennedy asks, his eyes grazing over the boy's figure.

Vincent shrugs coolly, even though the inside of him is red and searing with heat. "Only if you want there to be."

"I do-"

"But only if," Van Gogh interrupts. "Only if you're serious about it." He drops his voice so low it's almost a whisper.

"I don't kiss for free, Vincent."

"Yes, you do," Van Gogh interrupts in a low voice. "You always do."

"I'm trying to stop-"

"You're doing it to Cleo. And I'm not Cleo."

JFK kisses the boy's forehead, flipping some of his hair out of the way. "You're not Cleo," he agrees.

Vincent beams up at John with a satisfied smile. "Good. Now that that's out of the way... what are we going to do for the rest of the day?"

"We can explore," JFK suggests, taking a bite of a chip.

"But I'm all cozy now!" Van Gogh whines, the blanket draped over his shoulders once again.

"Okay, then, what do you want to do?" Kennedy asks, leaning against the counter behind him.

"In all seriousness?" Vincent asks, a sly smile curling around his lips. He already has an idea.

"Yes, in all seriousness, mio tesoro."

Van Gogh flashes him a pleasantly surprised smile. Since when does he know Italian? "I want to sit on the balcony, under the awning, and watch the rain with you."

"It's not raining, Minivan," JFK says, but his words are light.

"You said 'in all seriousness'. That was in all seriousness."

Kennedy smiles and can't help fussing up Vincent's hair with his palm, the tough skin of his hand snagging on the boy's bandages. Van Gogh slaps his hand away instinctively, brushing his hair with his fingers in an attempt to lay it back into its natural style.

"Can I ask you a question, Vinny?" John asks, his mouth full with another chip.

"I don't see why not," Van Gogh grumbles.

"Were you born with only one ear, or are the bandages just an homage to your father?"

Gogh blinks up at the boy, wondering how he doesn't already know the answer. More than a decade of friendship, and he's never asked until now? "I cut it off myself, actually," Vincent says, fixing his eyes on the speckled tile floor.

"What? No, you didn't," JFK smiles uneasily.

Van Gogh looks back up at Kennedy, urgent surprise warping his face. "Yes, I did."

"You took a knife to your own head and cut it off?"

Vincent nods feebly.

"Did it hurt?"

"Of course it hurt, dipshit," he rolls his eyes.

JFK raises his arms defensively. "So, what, you've eaten paint, too?"

Vincent clenches his jaw. "No, I did not eat paint. That shit's toxic. I could die."

John doesn't say what he's thinking. He knows words in the air are real, could make something come true. I thought you wanted to die.

"That question was insensitive, JFK," Van Gogh whispers, wrapping himself in his own arms.

"I'm sorry," Kennedy whispers back. He abandons the bowl of chips and crosses the kitchen, kneeling down in front of Vincent to look up into his eyes. John rests his hands on Van Gogh's arms and squeezes, the warmth from his palms transferring over to the smaller boy. He feels it snake through his whole body and he feels like he could melt, like he could sink to his knees and let JFK envelop him.

"How old were you when you did it? I don't remember you without the bandages."

"At first it was an homage to my father," Vincent explains, avoiding eye contact. "My foster parents cared about me before I turned four... they wanted me to look like him, to feel like him. They didn't want me to get lost in his shadow. So they arranged my bedroom to look just like the one he had in Arles and dressed me up in his clothes. They wrapped bandages around my head every night, my dad tying them under my chin and my mom holding me steady. I hated it, you know. I didn't know what it meant, why it was so important to them for me to put on his face.

"But eventually, they stopped caring about me. It was one of my routines, putting on the bandages, and I felt empty without them. I got used to the way they felt around my head, with just enough pressure to remind me that they were there. I liked the muscle memory once I started tying them myself. I need my routines, you know? So I continued to put them on , and I even started sleeping in them because once my parents started leaving, I needed the comfort and security that came with repeating the same thing every day. And I guess part of it was that it reminded me of my foster parents, of the closeness that we had for those two minutes when I was getting the bandages on.

"And then I got older. I grew up and realised that the world isn't all cotton candy and sugarplums and rainbows. I started reading books about the real Van Gogh -- not picture books, like actual novels -- and I wanted to be him so badly. I wanted to paint like him. I wanted to pour my life into something that other people could enjoy. I know he had his own share of problems, and I guess that transferred over to me or something once I started thinking like him, I don't know. But right before eighth grade ended, it was all too much. The pressure to be like him and the worry that I never could be... it all got to me.

"So I don't know why I cut my ear off. It could've been because I wanted to be closer to him, to look like him and feel like him. Or it could've been because I was so severely mentally ill, even back then, and I wanted the pain or maybe I thought it could be an outlet or something. I really don't know. But to answer your question... I was fourteen when I cut my own ear off," he laughs nervously. "It hurt like a bitch, but at least it justified having the bandages, you know?"

"Oh, Vincent," Kennedy mutters, reaching up to cup the boy's cheek. He turns Van Gogh's head gently, silently pleading for Vincent to look at him. "You're just as good as him, in every way."

"I don't know if that's a good thing, JFK."

"He went off the rails, Minivan. You don't have to."

Van Gogh looks down at John, but there's a dead look in his eyes. It shoots right through Kennedy's skin, cutting into his bones like a laser.

"I can feel myself going off the rails already," he replies. "I'm going to do something terrible, I can feel it."

John slides his grip down from Van Gogh's arm to squeeze his hand. "I'm right here, okay? I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very good at this. I don't know what it's like to feel the way you feel, to be the clone of someone who was so plagued by mental illness. But I'm here. I can listen," he sighs. "God, I really know how to listen."

A moment of silence passes before Vincent says, "Are you sure you can put up with someone so obsessive-compulsive? So sad, so... confused?"

"Yes," JFK breathes. "We've been together our whole lives. Nothing's going to change just because we're..."

"God, I hope something changes," Vincent smiles warily, trying to make a joke.

Kennedy smiles back and lets out a shaky breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Okay, maybe a few things will change..."

"I still wanna watch the rain," Vincent says with a relieved laugh.

"Vinny! There's no rain to watch!"

"Okay, and? That doesn't stop me from wanting to see it!"

JFK stands up off the floor to kiss the boy on the temple. "You've always loved the rain."

"I have."

Kennedy kisses Vincent again, on the nose this time. "Come on. Let's see if they've got cable in this hellhole."

Van Gogh takes a deep breath, resting his cheek against the softness of the taller boy's sweater. He can smell the detergent and the fabric softener, fresh and clean inside his nostrils. He grips John's hand dependently as they make their way through the kitchen and into the living room, just as side-by-side as always. They sit down on the couch together, JFK in the corner with one arm on the armrest and the other pulling Van Gogh close. He kisses the top of the boy's fiery red hair, more aware of the bandage than ever.

***

"Maybe it'll rain tonight," Vincent says when their Netflix movie is over. He's still wrapped in JFK's arm, pressed tightly to the boy's body.

"I'd like that."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"Because your room would be too cold to sleep in and you'd climb into my bed and fall asleep with me," Kennedy grins at the thought.

Van Gogh kisses the boy's jaw. "I was planning on doing that anyway, dipshit."

"Why are you so smiley?" Vincent asks a moment later, hardly containing his own grin.

"Because," JFK replies, gazing down at the boy affectionately.

"Because why?" Vincent prompts.

"Because I don't date, but I think that's going to change soon, all because of you."

"Can I tell you something, Jack?" Vincent stares straight ahead, suddenly nervous about using an old nickname.

John doesn't comment on it. "Anything, Minivan."

"I think the real reason you decided to take this trip all of a sudden, was to get closer to me."

Kennedy kisses the top of Van Gogh's head -- right on the bandage, his favourite spot -- and laughs into the boy's hair. "That is almost definitely, partially true."

#clone high #clone high jfk #clone high van gogh #jfgogh #limitless

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years

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Homesquared Chapter 3

So i have seen smidgens of this on tumblr but just havent had time to do anything about it

and jesus christ Callie Jade is so horrifyingly creepy, and you know the things she’s narrating the characters can also hear which is also hilarious, it just reminds me of that comic about how “yeah sure there’s a giant ominous red floating eyeball in your kitchen, constantly staring, constantly judging, but can you be sure that’s a bad thing?”

and then someone tries to talk to it, but it doesn’t answer and the person goes “fine be an asshole i dont give a fuck”

thats exactly the dynamic happening with Callie Jade right now

Grumpy DaveKat is hilarious

and Hey! we finally get to see how people look, I really dig Roxy’s look

“ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"”

This line from Roxy makes sense, as a person wholly ensconced in the idea of their own self and always being in control of themselves and their own mind and faculties they would hate anything at all that causes that iron mental grip to slip

That’s probably why Dirk avoided sleep even when his dreamself was awake, even sleeping and dreaming was considered a form of himself losing control over himself that he couldn’t integrate the idea himself and his dreamself were the same person rather than two identical people and also I remember that the Jujupop didn’t affect him either

Later on Dirk in the narrative will say something about his own trauma, but not really go into what it is, but if I had to hazard a guess (and really it’s not much of a guess at this point)

Dirk probably has memories of a version of himself being under the mental influence of another, Lil Cal, LE, Doc Scratch etc what have you, So Narrative Dirk may actually be a version of Dirk who’s not quite yet poisoned into being a version of those 3, but his words also hinted that just because he’s aware of a certain way that he’s acting doesn’t make him more likely to stop it

Like he’s equating that you can be aware of the influence something else is having on you and in the exact ways it is influencing you without being able to stop, the exact thing he is traumatized and afraid of being most likely

So his one driving fear, is he does not want to lose control of his own soul, his own being, his own way of life and existing, to something else, something other. Even though he most likely is fully aware of the things and mannerisms of the other that have slipped into himself? Like he’s probably fully aware of the similarities between himself and those mentioned above, but maybe the thing that he’s hinging on is that instead of those guys poisoning him into being like them, instead perhaps he can convince himself that it’s his own self influencing others to act like himself instead. His influence reaching out and expanding instead of shrinking as he fears it

Anyway, Dave and Kanaya have a cute moment, I really like that

We get a nice shot of them in shadows against a backdrop of stars and Kanaya starts talking about a story Rose would once tell so that’s story is already gonna be dripping in metaphorical potential

“ A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost”

Though that’s a story I’m actually familiar with

KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

So obviously Dirk and Rose

Dirk has Rose with him, discovers an actual genuine connection with her, likely because he already viewed her as an equal, despite his manipulations of her, and chapter 4 spoilers but he genuinely wants to play a game with her when there really isn’t any reason for it, so he is actually curious to see who comes out on top of it, Him or Her, so Dirk is probably in some way desperate to have an actual equal partner in some way instead of drowning in himself all the time, not surprising. But Rose, obviously, will leave and reject him, likely when the manipulation comes around and is revealed/Kanaya and all them reach her/that part of the story

But then the story tinges onto a romantic nature and is framing Dirk trying to get her back as a romantic quest to save his partner/friend something something love and friendship, “no distance can separate them” yeah that doesn’t sound like obsession with the first person you’ve ever truly seen as an equal/a real person,

yeah “A Garden calling to Mind an engagement once declared there” definitely sounds like the garden of eden/adam and eve paradise fantasy that Dirk has been trying for some reason, to setup on the new planet

Really begs the question for why Dirk cares at all to do all of this? Except we now the answer is already its not the thing itself he cares about, its the value hes putting into the story as something that generates interest in the audience

He doesn’t care about actually making a society or being gods or whatever, he just knows thats what the audience wants to see and cares about so therefore he does it

and the reason he does all of THAT is because is ties into his trauma of his sense of self eroding away becoming a person he’s unfamiliar with

I wonder how he’s going to handle how much he’s going to change in order to fit the role of the story he’s writing when all is said and done

the Dirk at the end of this is going to be very different than the Dirk that started in Homestuck, despite all of his fears and intentions, and that he could not say all of it wasnt his own doing because of the iron control he made sure to have from the very beginning, I honestly think that will be kind of a shock for him if a meeting like that ever one day happened

Specifically for the fact that he seems to be aware of the romantic in nature tropes hes writing himself and Rose into and for now still seems to be avoiding them, not having gone that far, but, well

Maybe this is where we’ll start to see where Doc Scratch’s odd tendencies starting coming from

You know he was always really weird with Rose and Vriska (Maybe because he sees Light players all as extensions of Rose herself?)

Anyway yeah this is def the story metaphor I think we’re going to see in this, but Kanaya doesn’t fully get it, she thinks the story refers to herself and Rose

DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

Which is cool because it makes this opposing connection between Dirk and Kanaya as opposites, which I like because it solidifies a tiny bit more the idea of Sylph being Passive Create to A Prince’s Active destroy.

Oh yeah, there was a tiny hint of Mind metaphor as well, can’t forget Terezi is with them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

Basically the idea that your experiences of a person and your memories of them shape who they become as well, the boundary between you and I is controlled by both of us, so each has an effect of the personality Heart of the other through our own decisions and Mind

like the way people tend to mimic those they like and want to be close to, or the way they actively try to distance themselves and what they are like from those they hate

But that at all seems to be more about Mind in general than referring to anything specifically Terezi

though it is exactly that understanding of Mind versus Heart and how one affects the other that could make Dirk realize that in the question of the self he’s only had half the picture the whole time, he’s only had the understanding of Heart and has thus far not been able to understand how Mind plays a role in the sustaining of the self, how what other people do to help you to be you, which is his entire philosophical conundrum

“DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain

DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit“

oh, that makes me sad, this is def bringing up some bad trains of thought for Dave ):

“ KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

OH RIGHT, I forgot Calliope is actually WITH them on their journey, despite seeming to want absolutely fuck all with Jade Callie, I totally thought she was gonna stay back on Earth C but I guess not!

It’s so odd to see them so terrified of their alternate self like this when they’ve interacted mildly before. I still don’t know what to think of that much, other than they seem to be doing that weird thing that the other kids went through, like how John scribbled clowns on the walls unknown to himself for the longest time due to Gamzee’s unseen mental influence

that’s exactly the type of shit Dirk would be afraid of, so I wonder if that’s what Callie was afraid of as well? Maybe its Jade Callie that’s influencing them this way not Gamzee, to scribble strange things on the walls and not come out, but it’s the same fear of the other regardless manifesting and changing the self.

It is a very oddly non social thing for Our Calliope to do, when the point of different between the two Callie’s was how social Calliope was versus how antisocial Jade Callie is. Worries me ): but at least they’re here I guess

KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

ROXY: fucked up if tru

Karkat is really popular as a character in the fandom lol

and that’s that one, time to get to Chapter 4, which has a lot more juicy exposition

With all the Garden of Eden metaphors though I can’t help but think of the Apple of the Garden of Eden when I think of “story exposition” now

The juicy tantalizing forbidden red fruit that when you bit into it you suddenly understand and know things you did not before and you’re eyes are opened, I wonder if that’s enough to just make Apples a solid Symbol of Light in Homestuck’s context? Most of it’s association with knowledge is external to Homestuck, just referenced symbolically, it’s not actually used in any cirumstances pertaining to knowledge, but more as the metaphor of it being the gate to leave the garden of eden, more like a teleporter, Rapture and Revelation in general rather than just Knowledge itself

aka my new headcanon is that one thing needed to Alchemize a Transportalizer is inexplicably going to be an Apple, if that ever comes up at all

#Homesquared #Homestuck^2 #Dirk Strider #Rose Lalonde #Terezi Pyrope #Apples are the essence of Portal Technology #long post

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mid0nz-archive · 4 years

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The Cannibal & the Consulting Criminal: How Silence and Sherlock Taught Me to Read

(I’m writing a series of autobiographical essays. This meta is a messy. messy warm up…)

PART I: TSotL The Odd Flash of Contextual Intelligence

Know your intertexts (and the limits of their influence)

I’ve spent a LOT of time writing about the influence of Harris on Mark Gatiss in particular. We have Harris to thank for Sherlock’s mind palace for starters. Moriarty and Dr. Lecter share many traits. Then again so do the psychiatrist and Sherlock. I’ll come back to these obvious connections between Sherlock and TSotL in a later part of this meta. (The connections are actually quite superficial.) For now I want to return to my first obsession: the genius cannibal who taught me how to read and the fandom that saved me from him.

Do your research.

Thomas Harris, author of The Silence of the Lambs, choses every word with great care. How many people, for example, do you know called Hannibal? Clarice is more common I suppose, but it’s certainly not a run-of-the-mill monicker. While starlings are the most common of birds have you ever met someone with that surname? Have you ever met a Lecter? What if I told you there is an extremely obscure historical figure called Hannibal the Starling? (You’ll find the reference in Smith’s Dictionary of Greek and Roman Biography and Mythology if you seek.) Would you think that Harris must have heard of that man? Possibly. Possibly. If I told you that Harris makes most of his characters’ names up– that they sound plausible enough, but unless you’re an everyman like a Jack Crawford or a Will Graham you’re a Francis Dolarhyde or an Ardelia Mapp.

Ardelia Mapp? In the novel Ardelia is Clarice Starling’s roommate at the FBI academy. When exams roll around and Clarice has been too busy hunting Buffalo Bill to read her textbooks, it’s Ardelia who makes sure that Clarice knows all about search and seizures. Adelia Mapp. Ardeila Mapp. What kind of name is that? It helps if we cram along with Clarice:

Mapp v. Ohio, 367 U.S. 643 (1961), was a landmark case in criminal procedure, in which the United States Supreme Court decided that evidence obtained in violation of the Fourth Amendment, which protects against “unreasonable searches and seizures”, may not be used in criminal prosecutions in state [or] federal courts. (x)

Hey Thomas Harris!

Recognize when there’s a joke and you’re not getting it.

Thomas Harris amuses himself with language. Clarice comes from the Latin root clar and the words related to pertain to brilliance and light and the illustrative. And Lecter? So many people have tried to trace its origins but all becomes clear when you think about its etymology. In Latin lector means reader.

Clarice’s boss, Jack Crawford, likes to quote impressive sounding things out of context. Dr. Lecter mocks him for picking and choosing passages of the Meditations of the Roman Emperor, Stoic philosopher, and persecutor of Christians, Marcus Aurelius.

“I’ve read the cases, Clarice, have you? Everything you need to know to find him is right there [in the case files], if you’re paying attention. Even Inspector Emeritus, Crawford should have figured it out. Incidentally, did you read Crawford’s stupefying speech last year to the National Police academy? Spouting Marcus Aurelius on duty and honor and fortitude— we’ll see what kind of a Stoic Crawford is when Bella [his wife] bites the big one. He copies his philosophy out of Bartlett’s Familiar, I think. If he understood Marcus Aurelius, he might solve this case.” “Tell me how.” “When you show the odd flash of contextual intelligence, I forget your generation can’t read, Clarice. The Emperor councils simplicity. First principles. Of each particular thing, ask: What is it in itself, in its own constitution? What is its causal nature?” “That doesn’t mean anything to me.” “What does he do, the man you want?”

I could go on and on about how Harris allows Dr. Lecter to reference Stoicism and all kinds of other ideas for his own amusement. I say amusement because the reader need not understand Dr. Lecter’s jokes to enjoy Harris’ books. Clarice doesn’t and she doesn’t pretend to. Oh how Dr. Lecter fancies his student! I could go on and on because the entire fucking book is a compendium of in-jokes. That in itself is Stoic food for thought. Diogenes Laertius recounts a Stoic idea that Harris likes to chew on.

“Some appearances are expert (technikai), others are inexpert; at any rate a picture is observed differently by an expert and the inexpert person.”

Julia Annas explains:

A non-expert will just see figures; the expert will see figures that represent gods. The expert is right— there really is that significance- and the non-expert is missing something. What is more surprising to us is the claim that the appearance is itself “expert.” The expert is not seeing anything that is not there for the ignoramus to see. It is the fault of the ignoramus that he fails to see what is to be seen, because he fails to understand the content of what is presents to him. (82) - Hellenistic Philosophy of Mind by Julia Annas

Lecter, the consummate reader, is the expert. Clarice, who’s not more than one generation from the mines, is the ignoramus. Yet she shows the odd flash of contextual intelligence.

Discern clues from NOISE.

Though their relationship was weird, close, and lasting Clarice would never realize that Dr. Lecter gave her everything she needed to know to catch Buffalo Bill the first time they met!

On that fateful day, with instructions from Jack Crawford to note anything and everything she sees, Clarice shows enough intelligence to asks Dr. Lecter about the drawings in his cell. Dr. Lecter replies:

It’s Florence. That’s the Palazzo Vecchio and the Duomo, seen from the Belvedere. Do you know Florence?“

If Clarice were prepared "to read” Dr. Lecter’s work, she might have understood the significance of the image. She’s the very model of the Stoic ignoramus.

Clarice finds Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb by recognizing his personal acquaintance with the first victim he skinned, Fredrica Bimmel. They both lived in Belvedere, Ohio where Clarice finds Gumb while Crawford’s teams go all SWAT on John Grant’s last known address. We find out later in the novel that Dr. Lecter knew Gumb lived in Belvedere, Ohio. Perhaps he was musing on the facts of the case while composing his sketches.

Jack Crawford, of all people, should have noticed the name “Belvedere” and made the connection. His dying wife’s name is Phyllis but he’s called her Bella for most of their entire relationship. Phyllis and Jack were both stationed in Italy and during one of their outings, a man called Phyllis “Bella,” or beauty. Bella is the feminine form; “bel” is the masculine form, as in bel vedere, or beautiful view. We learn later that Clarice has to work hard to trick herself into seeing any beauty in Belvedere, Ohio.

Now you’ve got the facts. Theorize with them.

There is another explanation as to why Crawford might have missed the clue in Dr. Lecter’s drawing from Clarice’s notes. Clarice does not know Italian. How would she have written the sketch’s title in her report? Dr. Lecter does not say, when she asks about the sketch, that is is the Old Plaza and the Dome seen from the Belvedere (pronounced in English, be-vuh-deer as in Belvedere, Ohio). Dr. Lecter says all the proper names in Italian except “Florence.” Florence is the English name for the city Italians call Firenze. Clarice’s ear would catch “Florence” and it may be that her report stated that the sketch was of Florence, but no further details. She doesn’t, after all, ask Dr. Lecter how to spell the names of the places with which she is unfamiliar. Crawford, reading a reasonably detailed report from Clarice, might have only noted that Dr. Lecter was sketching Florence– enough detail for a report if you don’t know what you’re looking at. Clarice, while an ignoramus in the Stoic sense, shows potential. Dr. Lecter is polite when he surmises that she is “innocent of the Gospel of St. John.” He calls her innocent, not ignorant. She’s simply not an expert in iconography. She sees all she can see in the image. Crawford, however, is experienced enough with Dr. Lecter to know how important images are to him. Will Graham captured Dr. Lecter in Red Dragon by recognizing that one of his victims was posed in a tableau of a Wound Man in one of Dr. Lecter’s books. Graham was an expert. We can’t be sure from simply reading the text that Dr. Lecter isn’t making the epiphany of “Belvedere” especially difficult to decode even if Clarice were to have written a verbatim transcript of their discussion. In speech Dr. Lecter may be pronouncing the proper names as an American would, or, alternately, with an Italian accent. He could be pronouncing the incidental proper names (Palazzo Vecchio and the Duomo) in an Italian accent and “Belvedere” in an American accent to dare Clarice and Jack to take notice. Or, he could be pronouncing all the names in an Italian accent, a fact could be lost in translation between Clarice, innocent of Italian, and Crawford, who knows just enough to have had an epiphany. Each scenario is possible and each reveals a slightly different interpretation of Dr. Lecter’s motives. If we take Thomas Harris himself as the final authority, in the audiobook Harris reads Dr. Lecter’s part. Harris says all proper nouns including “Belvedere” with an Italian accent (albeit with a Mississippi drawl.)

Yeah ok SO WHAT?! And what about Sherlock?!

In Part II I’ll talk about TSotL as an intertext to Sherlock and the limits of this influence. I’ll compare Dr. Lecter’s method of reading to James Moriarty’s. I’ll talk about why & how I crawled out of the cannibal’s skull and into the consulting criminal’s and where I am going next… Or I just might try to revamp this to make more sense. I dunno…

#Repost of an old meta I deleted but need for a new project.#The Silence of the Lambs

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multifandomaddictedfangirl · 4 years

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The Vampire Diaries Thoughts & Opinions (rewatch)

S1 :

OMG I completely forgot how cheap was this show! The dialogues in s1 feels so forced and fake 🤮 Not to blame the actors, but sometimes it feels really unnatural, like you know you’re in a fantasy young adult tv show. It doesn’t feel like real life, like what real people would do/say. It’s too obnoxious and dramatic and... overly intense ?? 😕 Rewatching it, it might be the biggest flaw of the early seasons 🤷‍♀️

They all look SO YOUNG tough 😳

Mmmm... Stefan acts like a total creep in s1, it’s really giving me Twilight vibes 😅 like if I was Elena/Bella, I would be terrified of Stefan/Edward ! 😰 They’re creepy and stalky and weirdly intense / edgy about ordinary stuff... Their entire personality screams : “I AM A VAMPIRE AND I CANNOT CONTROL MYSELF AROUND YOU” which... #yikes 🤔

Caroline Forbes is my favorite character of the entire show, I love her SO much ❤️ “I’m never the one” is still one of the most powerful lines, for me, and I loved her characterisation throughout the show

Matt has been irrelevant since s1 🙄, honestly he was maybe funny/quirky in the double-date episode and regarding his relationship with Caroline (while not having moved on from Elena)...? But that was like a couple of episodes and apart from that he was just useless. I do not understand why he stayed alive that long

Jeremy.... oh Jeremy 😔 He was... such a cliché! He was what adults see as the “typical” rebellious edgy teenager who does nothing of his life except smoking weed. And no, I don’t like that caricature. His relationship with Vicky... 🤷‍♀️ I mean, sure, it was sweet that he cared for her that way and that he saw more in her than just the “stoned-ass trashy girl” 💁🏻‍♀️ that she was supposed to embody. But Jeremy really acted like “The Nice Guy”and it seemed like he was expecting something for being nice with Vicky. He acted like if Vicky owed him something, while she never asked for him to interfere in her problems 🙅‍♀️ I don’t know, I guess he was just supposed to be a lost teen, damaged by trauma, and I get that.

OK, so if I was Elena, seeing Katherine’s picture would FREAK. ME. OUT 😱 I would run away. So far away. I would tell everyone I love to run away 👀 I would just completely shut down. I would never want to see the guy ever again (who clearly has a fetish and an unhealthy obsession!!). I mean, talk about being clinched to your ex

Damon and Caroline’s relationship was SO TOXIC in s1 !! 💥 And the show never really acknowledged that!! I mean, sure, they did, but I don’t think Damon realised the pain he caused her: he manipulated her, fed on her, hurt her, compelled her, used her to get what he wanted, abused her, put her life in danger, over and over again 🤢🤬😡

LEXIIIIIIIIII 💖💖💖 Finally! I remember I liked her a lot, but she’s just one of the best, purest character! I’m so happy Stefan can AT LEAST count on her 💕

WHAT?! 😱 SHE DIED SO SOON IN THE SHOW??!?? 💔😭 I didn’t remember that at all! I think my mind erased that fact from my mind because it hurt too much!

Ugh, Logan 😑

I hate what they did with Bonnie 😡 In s1 she’s this incredibly judgy character who ruins every single plan by having ridiculously high moral standards (for this fictional universe, at least), ugh. I love her but they used her to create unnecessary conflict in the show and she didn’t deserve that. Also she didn’t deserve all the pain, the deaths & the misery. She’s one of the (many) characters who have suffered SO MUCH throughout the seasons and they really did her dirty and i’m so mad about that !!

The flashbacks from 1864 were quite well done. I always found it interesting to learn more about Katherine’s past and the Salvatore brothers’ tragic origin story.

*sighs* John Gilbert... urrffffgh 🙄

Isobel being Elena’s biological mother AND Alaric’s ex wife was... so weird 🤨

Overall, I don’t have a lot of opinions for that season because I was bored half of the time 🤷‍♀️ I just really wasn’t interested about the plot and/or the characters because it was all so cliché and cheap. This season was really bad. It’s not working at all, for me at least.

S2 :

Katherine is a GREAT character and you can’t fight me on that 💁🏻‍♀️👠👑

The addition of the werewolves was quite a good idea, though it was predictable so far. Werewolves and vampires often come together in fantasy 🤷‍♀️ Tyler’s storyline was interesting though 🤔 The whole idea of a curse that you activate when you become responsible for someone’s death, no matter your intentions, was good.

CAROLINE BECOMING A VAMPIRE WAS ONE OF THE BEST THING HAPPENING TO THIS SHOW : YES ! 👏 She was such a better person as a vampire. She was arguably the best vampire of them all, the one who truly succeeded the most at adapting at her new life 💕

I DO NOT understand WHY Damon would ask for troubles to Mason, a werewolf, whose bite is DEADLY to him 🙄

Elijah was so different in s2 than I remembered. So uptight, and yet so evil ?? I remembered him as the nice brother in the Michaelson family. But the way he relentlessly targets Rose and her family and friends... yikes 😣🥺

Klaus was so HYPED by the show. Even Katherine herself was terrified of him 😱 And when you think about it, he might be one of the most dangerous creature of TVD’s lore... 🧐 But compared to other vilains, he was quite friendly.

Bonnie and Jeremy... mmm.... sure. You know what, it doesn’t scream “soulmate” but it doesn’t have to be. It can be just a messy, complicated, unexplainable crush. It can just be two people liking each other and enjoying each other’s company without trying to look for a deeper thing. Plus the situation is so awkward, with Jeremy being Bonnie’s best friend’s little baby brother, that it was fun to watch! 😄

My heart still feels for Jenna 💔 She had just learnt the truth about vampires and she had JUST figured out why everyone in her life was acting so weird... and then she died. And idk she was a lovely, messy, funny, pure heartface, completely lost gardian... 💕 and I’m gonna miss her. I would have liked to see her react to what happened next on the show (and how she could have supported Elena & Jeremy through all of this, etc.) 🥺

OF COURSE STEFAN WOULD MAKE A DEAL WITH KLAUS TO GET A CURE FOR HIS BROTHER! Is this Supernatural?

So, yeah, same thing here: most of the storylines developed in this season didn’t interest me whatsoever. So I don’t have a lot of things to say about this season, but just bear with me pls 🐻

S3 :

I absolutely adore Stefan as a ripper in s3. Especially regarding his complicated relationship with Klaus... I think his dependency / addiction to blood is really interesting 🤔 Stefan can’t be a regular vampire, drinking blood from humans then erasing their memories / drinking from blood blags. He can’t because he feels so guilty for the lives he takes / the pain he inflicts on other. So he’s like all or nothing 🤷‍♀️ A human blood-free diet guy. Or a merciless killer.

Regarding of the whole delena / stelena ship war... *sighs* 😔 I honestly don’t know 🤷‍♀️ Both relationships seem hella toxic (for different reasons, but still). I do believe Elena loved them both (maybe not at the same time, though). So, I don’t know who she should have ended up with... I remember shipping her with Damon on my first watch, but now I realise that was purely for the bad boy vibes (i.e bad boy, who, deep down, isn’t so bad because turns out he can change and blah blah blah... ugh what a cliché i know 🙄). So anyway, I’m not gonna defend Delena, it’s as messed up as Stelena if you ask me. But that’s where my heart went on the first watch and that’s who she canonically ends up with, so I’m not gonna fight it and try to make a case of whether she should have ended up with another person (or alone?). In my head, she’s with Damon 🙃 Just cause’ it’s easier, more convinient, and I’m lazy that way 😅 But I understand people who ship/prefer Stelena over Delena. I’m just not THAT invested in this freaking love triangle anymore ✋

The show really took off when they introduced the original vampires if you ask me 🧛‍♂️ Their backstory is so tragic, and after that, it makes more sense why Elijah, Rebekah and Klaus are so close, trust each other so much and manage to forgive the worst of each other💖

Rebekah, that poor girl who only ever wanted to have a human normal life and to BOND with people (whether they were family, friends or more than friends...) 💕has been betrayed by EVERYONE 🔪She was daggered more times than I can even count, and I’m surprised she hasn’t killed everyone out of pure revenge yet!

Yeeeeep. Still ships Klaroline. ❤️

My God, what would I give to see Caroline explore this world and enjoy the perks of her vampire life with Klaus...🥰 She wanted that. She secretly dreamed of that. And frankly, she deserved that. She deserved to feel happy and fulfilled and excited about her future! She deserved more than the life she got in Mystic Falls ✨ More than Tyler! More than Jessy. More than Damon. And more than Stefan too, even if she did seem happy with him in the end. I think I liked Klaus as a romantic option for the same reasons I liked Damon back then. For the challenge. For the way they always push their girlfriends further, and make them want more of life than what they’ve got. For the way they make them ambitious.

I think the reason this season feels so useless is because they try to find a way to eliminate the Original family... only to find out that if they do that, EVERY VAMPIRE EVER WILL ALSO DIE 👏

I despised the whole evil alter ego trope that they did with Alaric 😪😴 I liked the idea of the ring having real bad consequences. But here, Alaric can’t take responsibility for wanting to cheat on death precisely because he has a second personality that he cannot control. The blame is just put on somebody else, an entire other person that just cohabits in Alaric’s body. I never really liked the whole Dr Jekill & Mr Hide trope 🤷‍♀️ And I don’t think it was bringing anything to the table, honestly. It’s boring (because SO obvious and predictable) and it takes forever to deal with (ugh) 😑

NOOOOOOOOOO RICK 😭💔 He was one of my favorite character. I really loved his relationship with Elena and Jeremy + his friendship with Damon. I’m gonna miss him really hard. The scene with Damon on his grave was really sweet 🥺

S4:

Elena being a vampire : YES! 👏 We’ve been waiting for this for so long, the show really needed this to go on (realistically the show would have had trouble to move on if Elena would have stayed human for a lot longer). So I’m really glad about that being the premise for s4 ☺️ Plus her transition is well handled, with her memories coming back + her emotions being heightened (the scene where she bursts into laugh and cannot stop was really funny and somehow relatable 😂).

The scene in the car with Stefan, Matt & Elena VS Stefan, Elena & her father was really well done! 👏 I loved the parallel where she wants Stefan to save Matt first, just like her father wanted him to save Elena first. So touching 💕 It’s a tough choice and Stefan will have to live with both consequences for the rest of his life, which will NOT be easy with Damon blaming him for Elena’s death. But, really, Damon kinda has a point : "in what world are you [Matt] the one that gets to live?”. Matt has been saved so many times on the show and it’s legit to ask yourself : WHY? Why him? 🤷‍♀️He’s so irrelevant and useless. But I get that’s the whole point. Human life is irrelevant and useless (in the great scheme of things). And yet, we fight for it ✊ Because somehow it matters.

S4 helped me remember what I didn’t like about Stefan, regarding his relationship with Elena. He really had a big problem with her being a vampire, and he spent half of his time trying to “control” / “fix” her 🙄 He’s got such high standards for Elena when she turns into a vampire. It’s like he expects her to not make the same mistakes as he - or any other vampire in the history of vampirism - did. He desperately wants her to be a “good” vampire right away and avoid the “killer without humanity” phase 🤔 Which is understandable. He doesn’t want her to become a bad vampire who doesn’t care about human life, as he was during his ripper phase (or like Damon).

Damon truly accepted her, the new her, vampire! Elena 👐 You can argue that it’s because he’s selfish and he wants people to act as bad and carelessly as him (that’s why he tried to manipulate Stefan into drinking human blood again in s1 : he doesn’t want to be alone and he needs someone else to party with)... But he isn’t selfish when it comes to Elena 🤷‍♀️ The show proved us that. He wanted her to have a human normal life, to be happy, to grow old and have children. He wanted to give her that, and that’s why he would have saved her over Matt on the bridge. He’s not happy that she is a vampire. That’s not what he wanted. Never. But now that she is, and that there’s nothing they can do about it (that they know of), Damon tries to make the best out of it

Anyway, Caroline is such a better teacher then Damon or Stefan 😅 Drop the Salvatore brothers and get educated on the vampire life with your bff, Elena !

Elena being sired by Damon, OMMGG! 😮😮😮 So much drama, I really loved it. It was smart to use that as a way to postpone Delena for a little bit - playing on the general doubt that Elena might not truly love Damon and she might just be under the influence of the sire bond. Which, let’s be honest, was a legit consideration to have. So, yeah... REALLY GLAD that, in the end, the sire bond didn’t create those feelings out of nowhere, it only heightened and amplified what was already there beforehand. Otherwise, it would have been really problematic, especially regarding consent issues 😕

I love that Damon makes the right choice again with Elena and “sets her free”. He doesn’t want their relationship to be fake. And so he uses the sire bond to send her away, to be herself, to live her life without worrying about what makes him happy. You can say everything you want about Damon, at least he gets it right by her ☝️Just like when he confessed his feelings to her, but compelled her to forget because she’s in love with Stefan and he doesn’t want to mess it up. He was not selfish when it came to her.

It was really heartbreaking to see Jeremy becoming a hunter and having the sudden urges to kill his own sister and basically everybody else in his life 😢

Poor Carol Lockwood! 💔 She didn’t deserve to die. She tried so hard to help for Tyler, even when she learnt he was a werewolf, she cared so much for him...😭

Their inability to communicate with each other is INSANE. At some point in s4, they all know Shane is practicing a magic called “Expression”. Damon and Stefan also know that kind of magic is incredibly dark and dangerous (from their little trip to New Orleans when they tried to find a way to deactivate the sire bond and the witch there told them she wasn’t practicing this kind of magic). But NO ONE has still put two and two together. And so, Bonnie keeps blindly trusting Shane and hanging out with him 🤦‍♀️

The whole search for the cure was quite interesting and entertaining to watch! Each one of them wanted it for a different reason : destroy it, use it, share it, give it away, save it for later... Which really well portrayed how people can react to the idea of mortality. The fact that there’s only one dose was really genius! That makes it even more interesting to see who’s gonna fight for it (i.e. Rebekah, Stefan), who’s gonna just drop it because turns out they didn’t really want it to begin with (i.e. Damon, Caroline), who’s gonna exchange/bargain it and for what (i.e Katherine, maybe), who’s gonna get it the end and what will they do with it. Will it all be worth it? 🧐

Jeremyyyyy 💔😭 R.I.P 💀

Honestly, even though I still think Matt is irrelevant to the show, let’s remember he also has lost every single person in his life (his dad and his mom are basically gone, Vicky is dead, Tyler left town again, his goddamn history teacher died too) - and now he can add Jeremy, his best friend, to the list 😭 He’s handling it all WAY better than anyone else. I mean you don’t see him burning down the house he grew up in for instance! However, I agree that Elena have lost more people in her family than him (her adoptive parents, Jenna, Alaric, Jeremy, even John... and Isobel is basically gone too). But it’s not like you can compare their lost, anyway. They boty suffered a lot, but I just wanted to say... I liked that the show acknowledged Matt lost someone important for him too 💕

No humanity! Elena, OOMMMGGG!! 🤯 I was so mad when it happened, because Damon could have just used the sire bond to make her deal with her brother’s death, he could have just helped through the grief and tell her it was going to be okay. He didn’t need to make her turn off her humanity 🙄 Real dumb move here!

I kinda liked the friendship between Elena without humanity and Rebecca! Their little trip starting off in NY was fun!

Katherine is, and will always be, the baddest bitch in town! ❤️ I was quite surprised to see her kill Jeremy so heartlessly, but I guess it fits the character. She’ll always be looking out for herself and the opportunity to take the cure and be one step ahead of everyone was obviously too good to leave out. She always had to fight for her own survival, in a world that’s always been dangerous and ruthless against her, so it makes sense she became who she is 🤷‍♀️

Of all the things that could have triggered Elena’s humanity flip switch, really? Matt Donovan? 🤨😑 I mean, it makes sense since Elena seems to value his life over everything else, including her own. But from what we’ve seen so far, she wasn’t really happy when she was dating Matt 😕 They used to fight a lot, they didn’t want the same thing out of life, they just were really different people. And that’s fine, they didn’t work out as a couple, but they can stay friend... Except you don’t really see them interract THAT much as friends. I mean it’s a lot of "say" and not enough "show", for me 🧐 You don’t feel the bond that two best friends should have... between them. You don’t see inside jokes, common interests, similar hobbies, laughters and tears, serious conversations that last for hours, or small talks over the phone... Anyway, from what we were shown so far, she shouldn’t feel that close to Matt. Not more than, idk, Bonnie, Caroline, Damon or Stefan for instance! So the fact that she cares SO MUCH about him is kinda strange 🤔

“He was your first love, I intend to be your last. However long that takes” LOOK WHO’S BAAAACK 👀 My favorite hybrid! Awww of course he was gonna come back for Caroline ❤️

Btw the ceremony was very cute 💕 It’s the end of high school! The end of an era! And they all graduated 🍾🎊🎉

Awwwwww, when Bonnie dropped the veil and everyone got to see their dead friends and family again! Stefan & Lexi, Damon and Alaric, Elena & Jeremy 💖

BONNIIIIIE, OH NOOOO, WHYYY 😭💔 oh no no no no no no no, she wants to keep her death a secret from everyone, that is such a bad idea!!! 😣

OMG SILAS IS A DOPPELGÄNGER OF STEFAN !!! 🤯 POOR STEFAN IS STUCK IN THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE AND NO ONE KNOWS, NOOOOOO 💔😭

S5 :

The whole college experience with Caroline and Elena was so fun to rewatch😁 I wish Bonnie could have been there though, even if she kinda was.

It feels good to watch Elena and Damon being happily in love together and enjoying the summer ❤️☀️ But when you think about Stefan drowning over and over in that lake... it feels so bad :(

Katherine as a human is devastatingly entertaining! "I’m the freaking moonstone" 🤣 So iconic that she, of all people, took the cure! I loved that twist.

I loved the complicated and messy love triangle between Quetsiya, Amara and Silas. I want to empathise with Quetsiya and support her, because Silas screwed her over in such a supernatural, mystical way... he cheated on her and tricked her. He manipulated her to get what he wanted. So yeah, I’m all team Quetsiya ✊ but then again, she is sort of over-paranoid and obssesive? 🤷‍♀️ And being screwed over by a guy doesn’t exactly justify her quest for vengeance. So... I guess the only one who’s okay is Amara?? We don’t see a lot of her but I respect her wish to die after thousands of year in pain, as the anchor of the other side (which, btw, was BRILLIANT! 🤯 Quetsiya’s a genius! o.O)

"You are my life" ❤️ GOD, Damon always finding the right words!

I hate the travelers storyline 🙅‍♀️ I find it incredibly boring and I’m not that attached to Nadia. The only thing I liked about her was her relationship with her mom, Katherine. But apart from that, I don’t really like them as villains, nor as their storyline with Silas 😑😕

Stefan loosing his memory is okay-ish. It’s such a cliché as a trope, but it sort of works because Paul Wesley does such a great work at portraying different Stefans 👍 and it’s always entertaining to watch. And even though I usually ship Delena, I have to admit Elena recreating some moments with Stefan was very cute! 💕So it works but I’m not a big fan.

What I am a big fan of is the evolving relationship between Damon and Jeremy! 🥰 I mean, you can see that he didn’t really care about him, that he was mostly protecting him as a way to please Elena... But then, something changed 🤔He started caring for him for real, kinda like a big brother would:)

"You’re Katherine Pierce. Suck it up" hell yes 💪 keep fightingt, love !

Awwwwwww Bonnie 💔 Why do you always have to sacrifice yourself and put everyone else’s happiness before your own?? It’s really sad to see her becoming the anchor of the other side, feeling literally every single death of all the supernatural beings out there :’(

The Augustine vampire storyline!! 😮I’ve had completely forgotten about that! I love how they connected Damon with that institution, and how they introduced Enzo as Damon’s old mate. Well done👍

Katherine in Elena’s body: OMG! Love it! She’s such a survivor ❤️ That’s gonna mess things up so bad xD (btw the fact NO ONE notices anything is kinda weird and if I was Elena, I would be offended)

Nooooooo, don’t break up with Damon as Elena !!! 😱😱 Uuuughhh!!! Whyyy 😭

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG CAROLINE SLEPT WITH KLAUS !!! ❤️HELL YAS B**CH!!! SHE FINALLY ADMITTED HER FEELINGS FOR HIM !!! THEY KISSED !!! IT’S OFFICIAL !!! (i know klaus will never come back to TVD ever again buuuut... i’m still so so SO happy about that Klaroline reunion!)

Awwwww my baby Liv ❤️ I’ve missed her, she was so precious in season 5 !

Katherine AGRESSIVELY flirting with Stefan, while pretending to be Elena, was... both fun and hard to watch 😅Katherine was soooo pushy! And the fact that Stefan still doesn’t see she’s not Elena was infuriating! Like there’s just no way Elena would ever act like that!

"You’re never gonna as interesting as the next guy she wants to sleep with” poor Nadia 😭 that’s so true though :/ she didn’t deserve to die, I was really sad for her. She deserved a better life than the one she’s got 💔💔💔

FINALLY! 🙌 Finally they put two and two together and figured out Katherine is inside Elena’s body! Thank God 🙏 Caroline made me laugh so much with her "it’s Elena, we would have noticed something" speech. I was like YES. MY POINT EXACTLY 👏 I loved when they figured out all the little details that have been wrong ever since the beginning of this whole mess, like : Katherine was the reason that Tyler knew Caroline slept with Klaus. And Caroline’s like : oooohhh it all makes sense now. Wow. Congrats for figuring this out just now! 🙄

R.I.P Katherine ❤️ Weirdly, she will be missed. She did deserve better.

Jeremy was kind of a jerk with Bonnie in s5 ? I mean he was okay in the first few episodes i guess but then he completely ignored her... not cool bro, not cool 👎

The whole "Why do people seem to expect more of me?" speech of Caroline felt very relatable 👏 Just because she’s kind, because she’s trying to do good, doesn’t mean it’s easier for her! 😤 Plus, why do people keep slut-shaming her for having sex with Klaus when she’s not the first, nor the last, to have had one night stands with - arguably - bad people! ✋

Damon and Elena breaking up : lol 😆 As if. We know they’re endgame. Please. It’s only a matter of episodes until they find their way back to each other, which is why they are kinda cute as a couple.

Ugh 😑 Markos 🤦‍♀️ I just can’t ✋

Bonniiiiiiiiiiie !! Stop lying to everybody!! I hated how she was pretending she had a spell to escape the Other Side collapsing! Haven’t you learnt anything by now? Talk to your friend, figure out a plan together and if not, at leat say your goodbyes and enjoy your last moments with them!

Did I already say I hate the travelers storyline? Well, I do. I hate it 🤬

Season 5 finale was PEFRECT, I loved it. Bonnie resurrecting everyone, Liv doing the spell, Silas helping them just to be destroyed in the end (a fitting ending), Damon and Elena driving through the Grill to kill all the travelers, Alaric coming back, Markos dying... BUT. But, but, but, I was so upset about Damon!! It was just a matter of time and if they would have just kept going with the spell for a few seconds (damn you, Luke!), he would have been able to come through! And Lexi, omg 😭 at least she found peace❤️

Btw, that’s exactly what I meant about Bonnie’s character. Throughout the seasons she never stops sacrificing herself for other people (sometimes those people don’t even deserve it). She keeps lying to everyone. She lied when she died the day of graduation. She didn’t say how much it hurt her to be the anchor. She lied when she said they had a way to bring her back from the Other Side when it was collapsing. She kept minimising her (big-ass) problems. She kept putting other people before herself. And she’s one of the characters who suffered the most. Her storyline revolves around pain. The show doesn’t allow her to be fully happy. And btw, no one truly cares about her happiness (except maybe Jeremy and then Enzo), at least not when somebody else’s safety or comfort is at play. She’s never number 1 on the priority list. If somebody needs her to do a spell or whatever, they will use her. No matter how much danger she puts herself in 🤬

"Please don’t leave me” 😭😭😭 I felt that... It crushed my heart 💔

S6 :

I loved the way everybody coped with Bonnie and Damon’s deaths 💕 Elena got addicted to some magical herbs that made her hallucinate Damon again because she couldn’t deal with his death. Jeremy left a tone of angry voicemails to Bonnie’s old phone - which he paid for. Caroline got dragged into work and research in order to find a way to get back in Mystical Falls. Stefan moved on completely and started off a new life. It’s just... a nice way to show grief 😊

Ooohh I smell some Steroline moments!! Poor Caroline. To me, she deserved better than Stefan! He was such a jerk to her, especially in the beginning 😤😡

NOOOOOOOOOOOO 💔 ELENA DON’T ERASE YOUR MEMORIES! WHAT! WILL! YOU! DO! WHEN! DAMON! INEVITABLY! COMES! BACK! Elenaaaaa 😤 You have to learn how to deal with grief for real !

The fact she trusts Rick completely to do that was so beautiful though... They’re family and it was nice to see their bond.

Bonnie and Damon were kinda cute ! Like I don’t ship them, per say. But I get why some people do 🤷‍♀️ They had chemistry and they worked as an enemies to lovers trope. Anyway, I personally liked their friendship, how they both learnt how to support each other, how to function as a team, how they helped each other through the worst! In the end, Damon truly cared about her, and that’s why he was ready to do anything in order to save her 💪

Kaaaaaaiiiiii 🙈 i’m so conflicted about ya

I totally ship Jalaric ! ❤️ I loved how Elena tried to fix them up together! They’re really cute together. They both have complicated pasts and a messy family. They understand each other :) And Jo is such a confident woman! She knows what she wants, she’s not afraid of speaking her mind, she’s kinda fierce!

The fact that Elena wanted her memories back JUST when Alaric became human again was just... aaarrghh 🤬

"I think I deserve better than that” YES 👏 YOU 👏 DO 👏 CAROLINE! Stefan treated you like shit and you’re right to protect yourself, sweatheart 💕 I really didn’t like how he tried so hard to make amends... without acknowledging how much he hurt her, how he abandoned everyone, how he behaved like a jerk. I liked that Caroline took some distances for her own good 💖 #SelfRespectIsReal

The Gemini coven was really interesting. This idea of such a dysfunctional family, with a psychopath brother who killed half his siblings to merge with his twin sister in order to get leadership for the coven... it was all very compelling! Loved it ❤️

I think I have a thing for storylines about supernatural families in TVD : the Salvatores, the Mikealsons, the Parkers !

Liv and Tyler... mmm... don’t care 🤷‍♀️

You’re telling me that Damon got out of the prison world, even KAI got out, and BONNIE still gets stuck over there!! 🤬 Wtf ?? Why does this show hate this character so much? Why is she always the one who gets screwed in the end?? I just hate the way they treated her!! 😱

There was literally no good outcome to that whole twin-merging-together mess. If Liv merged with Luke, one of them would die and that’s not an option! If Kai merged with Jo, there was a huge chance he would win, which is simply not acceptable at all. Anyway, what a mess!

Kai literally sucking all the magic from the travelers’ spell, finally breaking it, allowing vampires to come back to Mystic Falls, was just... wOw! o.O

Luke merging with Kai 😭 R.I.P 💔

The ONLY good thing about that merge was watching Kai trying to deal with his feelings like ??? what’s going on??? 🧐🧐Why do i... feel??... stuff ?? 🤨🤨

"So I googled how to process emotional pain", i mean i hear you my boy, let’s not pretend that’s not my usual monday 👩🏻‍💻 "so i start writing and this water literally started pouring in my eyes ?? does that ever happen to you ??”, again same 😂

Jeremy going to art school... meh, it was okay. Clearly they didn’t know what to do with him anymore, so yeah, why not art school? 🤷‍♀️ The going-away party was nice :) Damon giving a joint to Jeremy was sort of sweet, Elena smoking it with him was also cool and quite funny!

Ugh 😑 Enzo & Sarah Salvatore... 🙄 this storyline was so boring, i just didn’t care

First Steroline kiss! 😳😮 Okay, that was kinda cute, I have to admit. But still, I don’t like the fondation of this ship, I think that Stefan hurt her too bad and, most importantly, didn’t respect her enough to get to come back and kiss her.

Sheriff Forbes being sick was KILLING me 😭😭😭 She didn’t deserve that at all, she was the sweatest, kindest, purest, most compassionate woman on this show... and she passed it on to Caroline...

The scene with the bike and little Caroline was so touching ❤️❤️😭 RIP Liz’!

OMGOMGOMG!!! Caroline flipped her humanity switch! 😱 "I just need the pain to be gone" 😭 I get why she did it, and I also thought Elena was being a little bit condescending with her. She had the right to turn it all out. Everyone else did. I get why she thought it was unfair :/

BONNIE’S BACK Y’ALL ❤️❤️❤️

I do not understand why people on this show just won’t accept people turning off their humanity switch 🤷‍♀️ I mean, Stefan, Damon, Elena,... they all did it! And every single time, the others tried really hard to fix that. And I’m like : why? I’m not sure it’s the smartest move here 🧐 Because they usually end up making things worse 😑 Look at Elena : she just wanted to not feel the pain of her brother’s death for a while. She even tried to make a deal with Stefan and Damon : leave me alone, let me do my things and I’ll behave. But of course, they refused 🙄🤦‍♀️ Because they couldn’t accept the fact that their precious Elena would ever be bad and do bad thing 😒🙄 And then Elena became ruthless! Who would have thought? 🙄 Same for Caroline! The poor girl lost her mother. She just wanted to get waisted, sing some karaoke songs, and live her vampire life without any care in the world. She even erased Liam’s memories when she fed on him. Her first instinct was to buy new clothes to start over and come back to her dorm to keep leaving her old college life! She kinda had it under control 🤷‍♀️ And then, she suggested a deal, kind of like the one Elena tried to make with Stefan and Damon :☝️ one year without humanity, and she behaves and doesn’t kill anyone. That’s a good deal if you ask me 🤷‍♀️ Why not let her have that? Why not agree with that deal? Caroline without humanity is still Caroline (sort of) : she’s functional, and to quote Caroline herself : she is not an idiot. She doesn’t want to feel so she’s ready to do anything to not be bothered. I think she would have respected her end of the deal. If you take a good look at it, in both cases, it’s when other people tried to bring them back, when they broke the deal, that Elena/Caroline became killers.

Stefan shutting off his humanity was so dumb 🤦‍♀️🙄 Elena was going to find Sarah, he still had time! And even if she didn’t, and Liam killed Sarah, it’d be one ☝️ dead body. But by turning off his humanity, Stefan practically ensured that there’d be more dead bodies after that!

Damon’s mom... urf, yeah? sure. I guess I should care? 🤷‍♀️ Honestly, even when I first watched the show, I found that storyline super boring. She didn’t inspire me anything whatsoever. Anyway, using her as Stefan’s emotional trigger was sort of smart, but kinda reckless. I mean, they had no idea if it was gonna work or not, and still they still risked it, I-... urf 🤦‍♀️

I liked Stefan’s little revenge 😈😈 He’s like : no, no, no, Caroline, you don’t get to have an elaborate system that protects you from feeling guilt whenever you’ll decide to turn your humanity back on. I’m gonna make your life a living-hell. I’m gonna break you. You don’t get to ruin MY life and keep being the same control-freak, organised, college girl 💁‍♀️

Alaric&Jo thinking about baby names 🥰

The cure is BACK??? Hell no 😤 I mean, sure, it was interesting the first time, don’t get me wrong. But we’ve already watched that storyline. So 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I hate how suddenly, everybody’s like "omg poor Elena will NEVER get the life that she truly wants, she’s condamned to an eternity as a vampire, without ever having the possibility of settling down and starting a family" 😱 like i don’t know Elena’s been FINE about her vampirism for like 4 seasons. She seems happy, she seems to have found a way to make the best out of it. But sure, NOW that the cure is back, she feels like her life is unbearable - how convenient🙄

"For the first time, I’m putting ME first" HELL YES, BONNIE ✊🏿 I wish she could do that more often though.

Awwww Caroline getting her humanity back was really sad and emotional 💕💕The LETTER 😭 The fucking letter 😭 "I’m sorry Stefan, I ruined everything" 😭

Are we gonna address Matt, Tyler and Alaric’s alcoholism or are we simply gonna pretend they don’t have a drinking problem and their behaviour is totally socially-acceptable ?? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I know it was her choice and it was probably for the best, but I think Elena taking the cure was a big mistake 😕 The show was way more entertaining when she was a vampire, and they basically erased every possibility of a "happy" ending for my favorite characters 💔 Elena will loose everyone she ever cared about, including Stefan and Caroline. She will have to move out of Mystic Falls and isolate herself from all her former friends. Damon is taking the cure with her so he will have to say goodbye to his own brother, the only family he has left. All of that... for a human life ?? A meaningless job?? Bills to pay?? School?? Money issues?? A house to maintain?? Misery and despair?? Children?? In that messed up world?? With that economy??? And the environment crisis we’re living?? Nope, I don’t get it 🤷‍♀️ I just don’t.

Secretly, I had always dreamed of Elena, Stefan, Damon and Caroline all being vampires and spending eternity together. And double date forever, I guess 😅

NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭 R.I.P Jo 💔

LIV !!!! 💔 NO, NO, NO, NO! Whyyyy 😭

AND THAT BASTARD GETS TO LIVE!!! What did do you do Lily? Oh my freaking God, why would you turn Kai into an heretic? He was already such a pain in the ass and now he’s even more powerful! Thanks to you, he has killed his entire family and he gets to live!! 🤬🤬

I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHAT THEY DID WITH BONNIE AND ELENA!! That whole "I linked your life with Elena’s" 😡 Cause it’s like : OF COURSE, we want to pick the main character. Of course we want Elena to come back to life. Of course we would be ready to sacrifice Bonnie if it means that Elena gets to live in the present with her friends and family. BUT BONNIE DOESN’T DESERVE THAT! She deserves to be the one, as Caroline used to say, to be picked upon everybody else. She deserves to live as much as Elena, even more (after everything she has done, everything she has sacrificed for her friends). She deserves to be happy! But now, everyone resents her for being alive, because if she’s alive then that means she is taking "Elena’s place". Now she feels guilty for being alive and breathing. For. Fucking. Being. Alive. Think about that. Again, I’m sorry if I repeat myself but : WHY THE HELL DID THIS SHOW HATE BONNIE’S CHARACTER SO MUCH?? 🤬🤬🤬

I’m just gonna say it once : The show is just not the same without Elena 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I KNOW Kai specifically said not to try anything to undo the spell he casted - otherwise Elena and Bonnie would BOTH die... But I’m surprised they didn’t even try to search for a loophole 🤔 I mean, let’s be real, when has Damon ever listened to anyone trying to reason with him? When did any of them? 🤷‍♀️ Bonnie would NEVER stop looking for a magical loophole to save her best friend. Caroline would read an entire library of mystical books to find a clue. Stefan and Damon would travelled the whole world to meet with different witches, trying to find some kind of magic that could undo the spell. No one would ever listen to Kai and just do nothing! I mean, he could be bluffing for all they know 😵 He could be saying that in order to mess with them. Were they really gonna take his word for granted? 🤔 I’m not saying "try the first anti-spell you find and roll the dices", but at least try and look for something!

S7 :

Anyway, AT LEAST, we get to see some good sweet Bamon scenes ! I love how Damon seemed to genuinely care about Bonnie. He didn’t want her to die, even if it meant he would see Elena again 💕

"You’re my best friend" awwwwww ❤️

I... liked the Heretics!😳 They were a fun new, even if they reminded me of Pearl and her vampire friends (in the "we are trying to coexist with humans but some of us don’t want to" trope). And again, I kinda have a thing for supernatural dysfunctional family, so... 🤷‍♀️ Valerie was very relatable as a depressed immortal being, Beau was so loyal it was really sweet, Malcom was boring but he died pretty quickly so he wasn’t in the show for long, Mary Louise and Nora were... the absolute cutest couple ❤️

How many times can they evacuate Mystic Falls without people realizing something’s wrong? 🤔 How many stories about gaz leak can they come up with?? 🤦‍♀️ Where are all the humans going? They’re moving away because they’re all compelled, sure, but to go where? like how can that many people find new homes in new cities, especially considering this crappy housing market? It just seems pretty unlikely that these people would just start over so easily, find new jobs, new homes for their families🧐

Stefan & Valerie was basically Steferine all over again 🤷‍♀️ I don’t have anything against Valerie herself. I think she’s probably the nicest one amongst the heretics. I even liked her chemistry with Stefan but it’s the same storyline recycled all over again, so I don’t really care much. Plus, I liked the idea that Katherine was Stefan’s first love (💕). First of all, Katherine being Stefan’s first love makes their story... EPIC. We, as an audience, care deeply about Katherine (whether we like her or not). She’s a regular and important character. We want her to have a compelling story, one that fits the legend that was Katherine Pierce. Valerie, as nice and interesting as she can be, only appears in the two last season. Plus, if Stefan had already been in love with Valerie and had already had his heart broken BEFORE knowing Katherine, then he should have acted differently when he met her 💡 He should have been way more suspiciously towards her 🧐 he wouldn’t have so easily trusted another woman, coming at his door with a pity story... if he had already been betrayed and abandoned by THE FIRST WOMAN he ever loved, the one who took his "v-card", his first love.

Hello Oscar... Goodbye Oscar 👋

Are you kidding me ? Bonnie is in pain yet again, because of some mystical element AGAIN, and nobody cares AGAIN. People keep using her, lying to her, manipulating her to get what they want and I- 🤬 Btw HOW is she okay with this? How would Bonnie ever agree to help raise people from the dead? What about her values and morals? What about everything she believes in??

These "Three Years from Now" scenes were just TERRIBLE 🤦‍♀️ Epic failure. I simply don’t care about whatever happens in the "future”. I’ll make my own headcanons, thank you ✋

JULIAN... UGH 🤢🤮 Could you be even more despicable?? Beating up a pregnant woman to the point of loosing her baby?? Poor Valerie, she didn’t feel like she could tell her own mother about that cause’ she knew Lily wouldn’t believe her 😢

Awwwwwww Ric bringing ""Jo"" back from the dead 😭💖 I felt bad for that poor vampire who just woke up in somebody else’s body, after years being trapped in some hell... And It was really heartbreaking to watch him get his hopes up and then realise she wasn’t his wife :’(

OMG CAROLINE’S PREGNANT??? 🤰WITH RIC’S BABIES??? 😱 I... I don’t even know what to think of that. I don’t really know how to react... Good for the twins? I guess? Yay, they’re alive? But... I don’t know, seems kinda rapy to put someone else’s babies inside a woman’s body without her consent ?? 🧐

The fact that Valerie HAD to confess her very traumatic story, to multiple people, MULTIPLE TIMES... because it was convenient to the plot was disgusting! 🤮🤬 She was merely used as a reason to try to kill Julian... Valerie was beaten by Julian to the point she lost her baby! She never said anything because she was afraid no one would believe her/people would judge her/people would hurt her - which is completely understandable considering how traumatic this must have been for her! But then she comes back to MF and Stefan keeps asking her to justify herself like she owes him a goddamn explanation for not having returned earlier as she had promised... um? I get that Stefan had his heart broken back then, but aren’t you mature enough NOW to understand something wrong must have happened?? And that maybe she just doesn’t want to talk about it because it still hurts?? It’s HER life and she is entitled to live it however the hell she wants?? EVEN if she just changed her mind and decided not to come back for an entirely different reason, it’s her choice! Having sex with someone ONCE doesn’t mean you OWE them anything! 🤦‍♀️🤬 Promises were made, sure, but they were both very young and things can change! ANYWAY... And when they need allies to kill Julian, she is almost forced to tell her story again, just to make people feel pity and sympathy... She’s not a damn tool, for God’s sake, respect the poor girl! 😤

While rewatching the show, I kind of like that they addressed Lily’s romantic patterns and how she had a tendency to chose violent, controlling, abusing husbands (first Giuseppe, and then Julian...) 🧐 It was touching to hear her story, and to understand that she only stayed with Giuseppe back then to protect her sons, Damon & Stefan. She had a plan to run away, she wanted to escape because she knew she was in danger with him, she was well aware he wasn’t treating her right. But sometimes you can’t just go away. Sometimes things are more complicated. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I liked that she realised her own pattern and that she tried to stand up for herself against Julian after that... even though it didn’t end well (which... seriously? 🤦‍♀️ She killed herself? Is that the message you wanna send to all the people stuck in abusive/violent relationship? 🤮)

Poor Lily 😭😭😭 R.I.P. 💔

Damon burning Elena’s coffin... 🔥🔥 Yeah. Sure. As if 🙄 Honestly, even on my first watch, I wasn’t believing it. The show without Elena is such a catastrophic mess! If she had died in her sleep, it would have been devastating. I don’t think the show would have survived that. I think it would have been cancelled before s8, or something like that.

Stefan was... surprisingly not reacting a lot to Caroline being PREGNANT🤰?? I mean... I don’t know... I was expecting some kind of big talk about it. Like "hey Caroline, how are you feeling about all this? What are your thoughts about having Ric’s babies? Do you even want to pursue the pregnancy (cause you DON’T have to carry someone else’s babies!)? What does this pregnancy mean to you? What will happen once the babies are born? Would you consider having shared custody with Ric? Or if you don’t want to be involved at all, would you like the twins not to know you were the one who carried them? Did you ever or would you ever want to be a mom? Would you want to have children of your own in the future? Do you ever think of that?” 🤷‍♀️ And those are just EXAMPLES. He didn’t have to ask all of these questions all at once! But you know, I wish they could have at least discussed some of these points together. Instead, he just let her "handle her things", because good old organised Caroline has every figured it out, of course! 🙄🙄 sure, she can take care of everything on her own 🤦‍♀️

I didn’t like the idea of putting Damon & Stefan in the Phoenix Stone... if it was all JUST to do THAT in the end. They tried to add some PTSD, pain and remorse but failed at making it compelling to the audience. Wooow, Stefan must let go of his toxic relationship with his brother in order to save himself... How obnoxious can you be, TVD? And oooohh, Damon must get rid off his toxic masculinity to face the fact that he loved and misses his mother... how original!! 🙄 I just feel like TVD was trying hard to be deeper than they were, and it didn’t work (for me)

FINALLY JULIAN IS DEAD 🙌🙏🎉

The Huntress was, like, a JOKE, okay? She’s supposed to have killed a thousands of vampires. Even heretics feared her. Stefan & Damon should already have been dead by now! What is she doing? How are we supposed to be afraid of her? She’s not doing anything, she is barely a threat 🤦‍♀️

Am I the only one who kinda saw great chemistry between Nora and Bonnie?💕

I LOVE how Klaus just IMMEDIATELY understood that Caroline was NEVER gonna let go of these kids 😍 I just love how he ultimately gets her, how he’s able to predict exactly what’s she’s going to do because he just knows her that well. Their phone talk was VERY cute ❤️ I love how he teased her with her own words : how she said she couldn’t possibly allow herself to be with him because she was "in college, building a life for herself” and he just wasn’t in the picture... and then turns out... she had kids! 😅 He sounded surprised but not completely shocked and I love how he was very understanding and sweet with her, she needed that 💕

Btw this season is just desperately LONG!

Awwww... Caroline... 😬 I understand why she wanted to stay in Dallas, and why she asked Stefan to consider moving here... but she should have been honest with him right away, the minute he picked up the phone. She should have told him she wanted to be involved in these kids’ life. I know that she was afraid Stefan wouldn’t want to “settle down" with her and take care of the twins... but she could have asked him. Directly. Clearly. Maybe he wouldn’t have minded living with her and raising the twins in some kind of shared custody 🤷‍♀️ Family comes in all shapes and sizes (💖), and as long as they told the truth to the twins, it wouldn’t have been a problem. And if Stefan didn’t want that at all, or wasn’t ready, or whatever, then they could have ended their relationship in a healthy way. By acknowledging they both wanted different things and that it just didn’t work out, as it often happens in life. But here, they’re just stuck in the middle... and it’s awkward 😳😐 Clearly, Caroline wants to live near the girls. She wants to be their mom, and clearly Stefan doesn’t seem THAT into it. But no one is saying anything and it’s just weird! 😤

I understand why Damon would make the choice of dessiccating in a coffin until Elena came back 🙂 He didn’t do it just for love. Not just because he missed her. Not because life was unbearable without her. That would have been really lame btw 😒 He did it because he didn’t want to directly or indirectly hurt people around him. And you know what, for once that was kind of the best, most reasonable - and most noble - decision to make. I was proud of him. The letter he gave Alaric was pretty sweet, but I’m glad Bonnie got to catch him before he left 💕

Bonnie saying "I’m not okay with that”😭 I was soooo glad that FOR ONCE she said what she was really thinking ! 👐Damon is her best friend, and I truly believe learning he left in a letter would have been devastating for her 😞 His choice means she will most likely NEVER see him again, ever, in her entire life 💔 I can totally understand her asking sincerly "are we friends?" cause if one my friends dared to do that, I would be pretty upset. I liked that she asked him to be honest. No joke. No deflecting mecanism. No sarcasm. No insults. Just the truth. ❤️

I REALLY REALLY don’t care about what happens "three years from now" 🤷‍♀️ Ugh I hate this season, things are so slow and boring, the storyline isn’t interesting at all, and frankly... i wanna die💀

NOOOOO MARY-LOUISE AND NORA DIDN’T DESERVE THAT 💔😭😭

Ugh 😑 The whole idea of the vampire souls trapped in the Phoenix’s stone being reunited with the wrong bodies was just lame and boring 😒

I genuinely felt bad for Valerie 😞 you can see she truly loved Stefan and it must have hurt to see he didn’t feel the same, despite having spent basically three years together :/ Again, that’s kind of my general problem with Stefan: he’s so afraid he’s gonna hurt people that he’s never fully honest with anyone! 🙄 Same shit with Caroline. He just abandoned her because he couldn’t deal with this situation. What Stefan fails to realise is that he does hurt people by keeping things from them, by always running away. I’m sorry but women around him deserve better 🤷‍♀️

Bonenzo... I remember shipping it back then, but now, I just don’t feel it 🤷‍♀️ i get why people do, sure they both care deeply about each other and you can clearly see that (the guitar scenes were very cute 💕)... but it’s mostly flashbacks and that doesn’t have the same effect on me. Because I wasn’t there to see them developing a special bond over time. I still think they’re cute and I’m happy to see Bonnie finally fall in love with someone who truly loves her back ❤️

OF COURSE BONNIE IS THREATENED BY SOME MAGICAL ELEMENT THAT IS SORT OF CONVENIENT FOR THE STORY. OF COURSE. 🤬😡 I’m so mad, I’m so fucking mad at the show for treating her this way. She’s always the one in danger. She can never be happy for more than two episodes!!

Ooooohhh nooooo Bonnie’s the new Huntress 😭😭😭 She’s gonna want to kill everyone: Damon, Stefan, Caroline, even Enzo!! Nooooo 💔

OH THANK GOD, SHE DIDN’T KILL ENZO 🙏🙏🙏 I was so afraid. For Enzo but most of all for Bonnie! She would have been devastated if she’d killed him!

“You changed my life” awwww I feel bad for Ric, the same way I felt really sad for Valerie... They both hoped the moments of pure happiness they shared with their partner would turn out to be something more. They both dreamed of starting new with their loved one, to have their own perfect little happy life... 💕 even though they knew deep down the other one didn’t love them back. Not the way they wanted to be loved. And that’s sad 😭

Damon & Enzo being manipulated and brainwashed by that thing in that vault, at the end of s7 🙄 seriously? Who would have seen that coming ? 🙋‍♀️

Ugh, s7 was PAINFUL to watch 😑

S8 :

Yiiiiikes 🤢🥴 whatever that thing is, it’s not friendly! That scene where Damon and Enzo feed it was kinda freaky!

Ric running the armory makes sense actually! I’m quite happy about that :) he’s been wanting real hard to get back to his Indiana-Jones type of life ✊ He would have never been happy with a perfect little family life... even with Jo, I believe 🤷‍♀️ He truly loved her but at the end of the day, he has just seen too much. He knows too much to just stop fighting at all. That’s what makes him Ric.

A SIREN !!!! Cool ! Now we’re talking 😎

I understand why Damon would submit completely to Sybil : he has always hated himself for all the terrible things he’d done, he has always thought he wasn’t worthy of redemption, and now Sybil provided him a proof of that, a vision of literal Hell, of eternal torture... 👺😈 plus she erased all memories of Elena 😭 he has no reason not to work for Sybil. She’s the only one who can provide a way out of Hell. Who wouldn’t take that deal? If I suddenly found out no matter what you do, you’re damned to an eternity of pain and misery and loneliness, and the only way to escape that is to work for Satan, aka Cade, I would probably do it too 🤷‍♀️

The way Enzo resisted Sybil’s mind control for Bonnie was really sweet 💕 I felt bad when he had to shut down his humanity to save her life 😭

Honestly, I know I should care about Tyler’s death but he was never my favorite character and he’s been so... in and out of the show that I kinda stopped caring about him at all (since he wasn’t exactly a regular character) 😕 But he surely didn’t deserve to be collateral damage in that mess :( Also, I thought Caroline would react a bit strongly. I mean, Tyler was important for her and she barely said something? Weird 🤷‍♀️

CAROLINE AND STEFAN ARE GONNA GET MARRIED !! 💍 She said YES! OMG! Tbh I might not ship them (because I think Stefan got away with the pain he caused her a little bit too fast) but I’m happy for Caroline: she finally got to have her June Wedding!! 💛🎉 (though I’d prefer she married Klaus of course!)

I really liked the whole mythology of the sirens 🧜‍♀️ the story about the village girl and the island girl becoming sisters, having to kill and eat people in order to survive, was heartbreaking! But I was so sure Sybil was the “nice” one 🥺 Poor girl

Noooooo, poor Georgie 😭💔 knowing she is going straight to Hell is horrible, considering she’s seen and experienced it before and she knows what awaits her :(

Sebine played her game very well, no one suspected her to be Sybil’s sister 🤔 she’s really creepy and I’m so so so afraid for the girls 😱 she clearly has an evil plan for them and I’m so anxious 😱

"I’m your brother and I love you. Please come home with me” awww Stefan ❤️

Awwwwww Enzo and Bonnie ❤️ “I’m never leaving you” okay now I remember why I shipped them! They’re adorable! She chose him over her own best friend. She picked Enzo because no one else did. Ever. And she thought he deserved a chance, because deep down he is such a sweet, loving, caring person. He might not look like it, but he’s maybe the one who cares the most and who’s actually ready to do anything for his loved ones. I think Enzo might be the big love of her life. And I’m so happy she got to have that. I’m so happy she got to meet him, to enjoy his company for a little while, to appreciate every happy moments ❤️

AAAAAH SELINE TOOK THE GIRLS!! 😱

Caroline finally doing the healthy thing and prioritising her daughters over everything else 💖💖💖 Take that ring back, Stefan. At least for now. Caroline took the right decision. She cannot make compromises when it comes to the girls. She cannot allow herself to add any more variables to this already messy situation. Yes, it’s selfish but she has to be.

WHAT? I seriously hope you’re kidding Ric! HOW DARE YOU telling Caroline she isn’t the girls’ mother? 🤬😡 She carried them, she agreed to pursue the pregnancy and give birth to kids who weren’t even “her own”, she raised them, she put food on their table, she tucked them in at night, she loved and cared for them more than anyone could have ever askef her, she basically had to let go of her entire life in order to live with them as a family... She IS their mother. She will ALWAYS be ❤️

Damon and Stefan’s deal with Cade to take the twins’ place !! 😱😱🔥 I really hope they find a way to get out of this one, but I don’t see how, right now... And Stefan is heading to a dark place :/ I hope Damon will be able to bring him back!✊

Speaking of Damon, I am SO glad he got to free himself from Sybil’s influence! 🙏 Stefan, on the other hand... meh? 😒 I’m not so sure I’m a fan of the old ripper storyline, I mean we already watched it once and we KNOW it’s not gonna last for long cause they have to wrap it up eventually, and I feel like this is just here as a cheap way to create drama between him and Caroline and idk that was kinda unnecessary 🤷‍♀️

ENZOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭💔 NONONONONONONONONOOOOOO!!!!! Poor Bonnie 😭 She was finally gonna get the happiness she deserved! RIP Enzo ☠️

OMGGG STEFAN’S HUMAN 🤯🤯🤯 Wow I wonder how he’s gonna take it, I mean on one hand being a vampire brought him a lot of pain, but on the other, it’s all he has known for centuries... rethinking your entire life, the basis of your existence, after all that time... ouch!

Kai is BACK ? Seriously ? Again ? I mean I like him, but let’s just say there are other people I would like to see again (#enzo❤️)

Btw I’m really conflicted about Bonnie trying to bring Enzo back : I want her to do it, of course, I want Enzo back, but I don’t want her to loose herself in the process 😱😭 I’m so scared for her :(

Stefan literally killing the Devil like 😎😎 “oh yeah bitch, bet you weren’t expecting that uh” ☝️ I am so so PROUD of my babyface :) also I’m really glad they got rid off Cade (ugh, I was so done with him)

Ahah, Kai’s in another prison world 🤣

OF 👏 COURSE 👏 KATHERINE 👏 IS 👏 THE 👏 QUEEN 👏 OF 👏 HELL 👏

Aaawwww I really really loved when Damon gave Elena’s necklace to Caroline 💕 their little chat was very cute: he knew she was quite sad because her wedding was being rushed and used as an excuse to drag out Katherine; she was going to walk down the aisle without her mother; Bonnie wasn’t gonna come; Elena wouldn’t be there; Alaric didn’t want to come... the MOST important day of her life was basically ruined 👰 and... idk he was being very sweet and compassionate with her :)

OOOOHH THEY’RE ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED FOR REAL THOUGH! And Bonnie’s here!! Soooo cute 💖 I love how Damon insisted on the “does anybody want to object against this wedding?” part, like “really? No one?”

NOOOOOOOO THE GIRLS 😱😱🔥🤬

Omg they’re fine, I’m so relieved 🙏

Awww Bonnie saying goodbye to Enzo for real... that was so... bittersweet 😭 But he’s right: she’s gotta live her life. She cannot spend her entire life thinking about the people she could have spent more time with: Enzo, Elena, for instance. She has to focus on herself. On being happy. And I’m really glad for her ❤️

Katherine is literally gonna blow up the WHOLE TOWN !! Seems a bit extreme but I’m really not surprised xD such a Katherin-y thing to do, if you think about it

OMG FINAL EPISODE 😱😱😱

Okay, first I was like “I don’t understand why is everybody so obsessed with the idea of saving Mystic Falls”. 🤷‍♀️ Sure it’s their home, their childhood town, full of memories and all... but since Matt helped evacuate the entire town, there was no immediate danger for the population of MF. And at the end of the day, it’s JUST a town 🏙 It’s just buildings and roads and objects that can be replaced. It can be rebuilt over time. So Bonnie, Caroline, Damon, Stefan... they could have all just run far way from MF and then everything would have been just FINE 👍

But THEN Katherine captured Elena and trapped her in the high school 😈 NO WAY the Salvatore brothers would have just sacrificed Elena in hellfire 🔥🙅‍♀️

NOOOOOO I don’t want Damon to die 😭 But I also don’t want Stefan to die! Why do their plans always include one of them dying? Sounds like Supernatural 😅

THANK GOD 🙏 Bonnie’s here to save the day 💖 Damn, what would they ever do without her?? I liked how she fought for herself till the very end :) “it’s not my time” YOU BET YOUR ASS IT’S NOT 👏

OOOOMMMMGGG STEFAN’S DEAD 💀😱🔥 HE CAME BACK!!! HE CAME BACK FOR HIS BROTHER!! HE SAVED DAMON!! HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF!!! HE LEGIT DESTROYED HELL!! AND HE KILLED KATHERINE WITH IT!! 🤯

AND DAMON IS HUMAN!!! 🤯🤯🤯

AWWWWW LEXI IS THERE!! 🥰 I’m so happy to see her! I’ve missed her! Awww he found peace with his best friend 💕 I’m so glad for him! He deserves that!

“I was feeling epic” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Honestly, it felt kinda cheap and too easy that Bonnie would just suddenly realise she had enough power to do ANYTHING, including breaking the spell that she wasn’t supposed to interfere with in ANY way, because she would be risking Elena’s life (and probably her own). Like, ok, she destroyed hell and that boosted her confidence enough that she decided she would just try it ? 🤷‍♀️ mmm... seems too easy... like why didn’t she do that earlier then ? Why did this entire season even happen then ? What was the point? What was the point of Bonnie realising she was worth living her life and that she didn’t have to feel guilty about Elena? Why would the show erase that wonderful character growth??? I- 🤷‍♀️

“We’ll see him again” ❤️ awwww I really love how they decide to develop Damon and Caroline’s relationship in the end... They both really acted like brother / sister in law. And that was genuinely cute. They both lost someone they loved and cared about deeply. I like that they know they can count on each other.

Awwwww Stefan got Caroline’s message, that’s really cute :) I hope it will help her move on, knowing he heard her, and he will love her forever too 💕

BONNIE’S HAPPY!!! SHE’S ALONE BUT SHE IS FINE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T NEED SOMEBODY ELSE TO BE HAPPY! SHE LOVES HERSELF AND SHE LOVES LIFE AND SHE’S GONNA ENJOY HER LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND TRAVEL THE WORLD!! YAY! 🌈🎊🎉

The Salvatore boarding school : so it’s basically Hogwarts? Okay why not 🤷‍♀️ It’s not the big ending I was expecting for Caroline and tbh I’m a bit disappointed (but I guess her story doesn’t stop there and it’s more of a To Be Continued kind of ending) but it makes perfect sense for Alaric 🤔 Jo seing her daughters 💖 And Jeremy is a teacher there LMAO 😆

Awwwwww my Klaroline feels ❤️❤️❤️ “however long it takes” I CANNOT BELIEVE THE SHOW GAVE US A “MAYBE” FOR THAT SHIP. Honestly it’s more than I ever wished I would get! I’ll make my own headcanons, it’s perfect!

“I owe it all to Stefan” awww, true :’)

So what I got from Elena’s monologue: she had a great life, she was happy, she became a doctor, she grew old in Mystic Falls, she married Damon (funny how she doesn’t mention having kids? It was one of her biggest dreams, so idk 🤷‍♀️), then I guess SHE died before Damon did (-> what makes me think that is the scene where she holds his hands and says something along the lines of “I know peace exists and I know he will find it someday even though he doubts it” and then he disappears and she finds herself in the after life), and then she found peace and got reunited with her family in death 🧐 So bittersweet, I liked it! 💕 Even if I think it would have deserved to be a bit longer, a bit more explained, a bit more developed than just a “here’s what happened” 🤷‍♀️ It did feel rushed :/

“Hello brother” WAS THE LAST LINE OF THE SHOW! HOW. EPIC. IS. THAT.

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rebelminxy · 4 years

Text

Save the Apologies Part 2

Pairing: John Winchester x Reader (post)

Warning: None really except some angst.

A/N: Since many asked for this, FINALLY here is part 2 of Save the Apologies. I hope you enjoy it!! And yes, I am sort of ending this with the possibility of there being a final part three BUT that will only happen if you guys want it to happen. So let me know!

Seven Years Later

“Darlings, it’s time to go! We don’t want to be late on the first day of school!”

“Coming Mommy!”

(Y/N) turned at the sound of running footsteps coming down the stairs. She smiled when she saw her adorable twin girls standing at the end of the stairs, ready in their uniforms and backpack in hand. The surprised look on their face left her chuckling as she handed them a cupcake each.

“Did you really think I would send you to school without a happy birthday cuppy cake?”

“Thank you Mommy!” they both exclaimed in joy in unison.

“Let’s blow out the candle now, girls,” (Y/N) giggled as she guided the girls to the kitchen island, both girls climbing up on the high stools.

“Happy birthday to you,” (Y/N) began to sing while clapping along. “ Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday Mary and Karen, happy birthday to you!”

The twins blew out their candles and cheered along with their mom, grabbing their cupcakes and chowing down on them. (Y/N) felt the joy in her heart that her precious girls were turning seven. Seven years of dedication and struggle, making sure her girls would never fall into the dark life of monsters and ghouls like she had. Seven years of bliss to know that her girls were happy and safe. As the girls finished their cupcakes, the doorbell rang. (Y/N) went on high alert, not expecting company. She shushed the girls and went over to the door, noticing that it was just Bobby standing outside.

“Wasn’t expecting you so early today,” (Y/N) greeted him as she opened the door.

“And miss the girls' birthday, no can do sweetheart,” he replied with a big smile.

Bobby kissed (Y/N) on the forehead before getting attacked by the twins. He picked both of them up and wished them a happy birthday. Before (Y/N) could rush them out the door to catch the school bus, Bobby gave both girls a gold pendant necklace with their names inscribed into it. They happily wore their gold chains and ran off, screaming with excitement. (Y/N) and Bobby watched as the girls caught up to their bus and climbed on, a normal school day like always.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t see the anti possession mark on the back of those chains?”

(Y/N) turned and glared at Bobby before stepping back inside the house, Bobby shutting the door behind him.

“I want to protect these girls just as much as you do, and this is my way of doing it,” Bobby explained.

“Cough it up, old man,” (Y/N) demanded. “You always arrive for dinner on their birthday, never early and this is the first time you even bring that type of stuff into my home. Just because I now live a normal, quiet life doesn’t mean I haven’t forgotten my past.”

“Like I said I only want to protect…”

“Bobby, I love you like a father and I know when you’re covering up for something, so what is it?”

Bobby sighed heavily, his gaze dropping down to his feet.

“John knows.”

“How?” (Y/N) whispered, the fear etched in her voice.

“Some demon henchmen John was dealing with, he told him how they had been watching you these past two years and were debating on how to kill you and the girls.”

“Fuck me,” (Y/N) groaned out, rubbing her face with her hands. “Fucking demons! What did you say to John?”

“I couldn’t lie to the man when he came demanding to know the truth, (Y/N/N), you know how he gets when he’s angry.”

(Y/N) turned around and moved to sit on the stairs, her emotions running wild.

“He wants to meet them,” Bobby continued. “He wants to meet his little…”

“They aren’t his and never will be!” (Y/N) exclaimed in anger. “They are mine and mine alone! He will never be their father because all he does is run away! I won’t have them get emotionally attached to then see him walk out that door and never come back, all because he got issues!”

“I know, (Y/N), you think I didn’t explain to him about that? I told him it would be best he never got to see them, but…”

“But what Bobby?”

“He is coming this way, should arrive in a couple of hours since he is parting ways with Dean from a hunt they just finished up North.”

“Fuck this shit, Bobby why?” (Y/N) begged. “Why now?”

“Told him I would come first to warn you, and that it would be best he gets here before the girls get home from school.”

(Y/N) got up from the stairs, pacing back and forth as her mind reeled over the fact that the man she tried to get over, the man that held her heart and broke it into a million pieces, was coming that same day to meet his daughters. Anger rose through her, causing her to grab one of the flower vases she had on a side table. She threw the vase at the wall, the porcelain item breaking into shards, each piece dropping onto the floor. (Y/N) breathed heavily, trying her best to control her rage. She looked over at Bobby and shook her head.

“His ass better get here soon because I got a few rules to lay down before he meets MY girls.”

==========

The loud knock at the door startled (Y/N), but she quickly got hold of her nerves as she walked over towards the door. She opened the door to see John standing there, a little older than she remembered but still the man she fell in love with. She stood her ground as he looked her up and down.

“Didn’t peg you for a dress type,” he muttered.

(Y/N) looked down at herself, forgetting that she was wearing a casual white and navy blue striped sleeveless dress with an A-line neck cut. The dress reached right below her knees and she wore tan suede laced up heels. She curled her hair that morning into loose waves, a style she loved ever since she decided to grow her hair out.

“Couldn’t wear dresses hunting, and I had to go to work today but called in sick. Haven’t had a chance to get changed.”

“Look nice on ya,” John commented. “So, gonna let me in and see them?”

“First off, they are not here, they are in school. And second, you come into my house you go by my rules, understand Winchester?”

“Damn, haven’t had a woman talk to me that way in a long time, makes me miss those old days,” John chuckled as he pushed (Y/N) aside, entering her home.

“We aren’t here to reminisce about old times, Winchester. We are here to make a few things clear now that YOUR past is following MY girls.”

“They are mine to ya know, does take two to tango.”

“They will never be yours, you got that old man!”

(Y/N) stalked over to John, standing in front of him seething with anger. John faced her, his eyes demanding to be in charge but (Y/N) stood her ground.

“I have protected them for the past seven years. I gave them the life they deserve, away from the blood and gore. I made sure they would never know the nightmares we lived. And not once have I needed their father. Bobby has been the stable man in their lives and they don’t need a man like you that runs away the moment things get out of control. They need stability and they have it here, without you.”

“You never even gave me the chance to be their father,” John began, his voice rising.

“I didn’t need to because you made it clear the last time we saw each other that you didn’t have room in your heart for me. So why would you make it for them? Your obsession with that demon is what’s got us in this mess and so help me God if one of my girls get hurt because of you, I will hunt you down and make sure you suffer!”

(Y/N)’s face was red by the time she finished, staring up at John who had her locked in a gaze. After what felt like minutes, John backed off, clearly admitting defeat.

“I know I’m not father of the year, but I could have at least come by and make sure you were doing alright with them. I imagine you had a lot of struggles being they’re twins.”

“I did what I could,” you replied back cautiously.

“So, suburban home with a front yard garden. Couldn’t help noticing the minivan.”

“I carpool the soccer team every other weekend.”

“Soccer team, eh,” John chuckled as he looked over to the glass cabinet that held all the girls' awards. “Smart girls. Honor roll, most books read, straight-A students. They are basically Sam in a nutshell when it comes to education.”

“I want to make sure they don’t end up a drop out like their mother.”

“Well, so far you doing good. Whats this picture here?”

(Y/N) got closer and noticed the picture he was pointing at. It made her smile with the memory.

“Their first recital. Mary was quick for the piano and after a few tries, Karen fell in love with the violin. Their teacher admires how quick they were to pick up the instruments and so far thinks if they continue with it, they could get a full ride to Julliard when they graduate high school.”

“Wait, you named one Mary?”

(Y/N) looked up to see John looking down at her, his eyes watering up.

“John, after everything we’ve been through, no matter how I feel about you, these girls were a gift. They were the ones that kept me going, and I remember how you would always say that the memory of Mary is what kept you going, kept you fighting for her and your boys. So, I thought it would be appropriate to name one after her. Mary came first, then her sister.”

“And then she named the second one after my wife, even after I told her not to,” Bobby added as he strolled into the room.

“I told you, it was either Karen or Billie and you didn’t want me naming my daughter what you considered a boy’s name. It’s gender-neutral.”

“And I still stick to what I said,” Bobby chuckled as he greeted John. “Good to see you, how’s Dean?”

“That boy is gonna get me in more trouble than it’s worth, but he’s fine, left to Mississippi for a hunt.”

“Gonna call him up later, see if he needs any help down there.”

“So,” (Y/N) interjected. “Everything set around the house?”

“Yeah, the house should be sealed so no demons can come in. With the necklaces I gave the girls, that should keep them safe while they’re in school.”

“What about (Y/N)? She needs protection,” John added.

“Way ahead of you,” (Y/N) stated as she lifted her dress up.

Right on her thigh was an anti possession tattoo inked into her skin, she dropped the hem of her dress and smiled at John.

“Got this a little after having the girls. I might have thought they were safe but still didn’t want to risk my body just in case. Sucks though since I can’t wear anything short now, but would rather show cleavage than some leg.”

Bobby laughed at her statement, his laughter grew even more as John growled.

“Calm down mister,” (Y/N) poked at John. “You don’t own me and trust me, I don’t show skin on a first date.”

“You’ve dated?!”

“Oh lord, you are going to kill this man from pure jealousy, (Y/N/N),” Bobby cackled, turning around towards the kitchen. “Gonna need some water.”

(Y/N) smiled at John before following Bobby, swaying her hips at the manas she walked away.

“Yes, I have had a couple of dates, but nothing serious. Can’t just bring anyone into my daughter's lives knowing it might not work out in the end.”

“Good, because I don’t want some random guy raising my girls.”

“I repeat, John, they aren’t yours. And I don’t want you telling them you’re their father.”

“I have the right to…” John bellowed but was interrupted.

“John, don’t you dare yell at her!” Bobby yelled. “She has gone tooth and nail to raise these girls right and yes, I understand you are their father. But put yourself in their shoes, coming home to meet a man saying that he is their father. And if you don’t plan on sticking around, then its best they don’t get their hearts broken.”

John grunted, kicking the stool next to him. But he mumbled in agreement.

“I can introduce you as a friend,” (Y/N) began. “And yes, you can come and see them when you have the time. I won’t stop you there, but no hunting talk, no introducing them to this life and no taking them with you.” John began to say something but (Y/N) stopped him, lifting a hand up to his mouth. “I want you to grow a relationship with them now that you are here, but like Bobby said, I don’t want you to come around to then disappear. I would rather they stay with me at all times. You are welcome to stay here however long you want just to be with them. But it will happen here, only here, where they are safe.”

“Fine, but at least let me put more protection around the house and at least leave you with a few weapons just in case.”

“You think this girl hasn’t been ready?” Bobby asked with a chuckle.

Bobby pressed a small button on the side of the kitchen island and a side door opened. There were various guns and knives hidden inside and a few things that only hunters kept depending on the monster. John’s eyes went wide as he looked between Bobby and (Y/N).

“You can take the girl out of hunting but you can’t take the hunting out the girl,” (Y/N) chuckled, shutting the small door.

========

(Y/N) watched the wall clock, waiting for the girls to walk through the door. John had gone off with Bobby to move his truck from the front of the house. As the seconds ticked by, (Y/N) became a little more impatient. Earlier, she had planned on going to get the girls from school, but Bobby thought it best not to scare them with the sudden check out. The knocking on the door made (Y/N) jump from her chair in the kitchen and walked briskly over to the front door. She thought it might have been Bobby and John but instead saw Mary and Karen standing there with their old neighbor, Mister Arnold. He smiled at (Y/N) holding the girls by the shoulders.

“How’s it going (Y/N)? I was walking by when I saw the girls walking alone. Thought it was weird you didn’t go and pick them up from the school bus.”

(Y/N) smiled back, the hairs on the back of her neck standing in alert. She looked down at her daughters, who were looking up at her with a slight fear in their eyes. Mary mouthed ‘Not him’, causing (Y/N)’s hunter flags jump high.

“Yeah, was a bit busy getting everything ready for the girls' birthday dinner. Family coming over to celebrate later. Mr. Arnold, didn’t you say last week you were moving with your kid and their family to Michigan?”

“Oh, I was but we decided to hold the move off and wait another week until my son and his wife gets settled into their new home. You know how couples get when moving, everything needs to be perfect.”

“Yeah, about that,” (Y/N) smirked at the old man. She grabbed her daughter's arms and pulled them into the house roughly, moving them to stand behind her. “Last I checked you had a daughter and her husband died recently in an accident, causing you to move in with her, a month ago.”

The old man’s face lost its smile and he looked at her with pure anger.

“Nice try whoever you are.”

“You BITCH!” the old man roared, running at the door and instead of going through, he bounced off like an invisible shield was blocking the entrance. The old man got up and looked around the house, his eyes turning black.

“Demon,” (Y/N) whispered. She turned to her daughters and got down on her knees. “Mary, I need you to take Karen to your room and lock the door, ok. Promise me you won’t open it to anyone, you understand. Remember our secret knock?”

Mary shook her head quickly as she grabbed Karen by the hand, who was already crying.

“Ok good, now go and you only open when I do the secret knock ok, only then. NOW RUN!”

As Mary dragged her sister behind her up the stairs to their room, the old man screeched out in anger, black smoke rising from his gaping mouth. (Y/N) watched as the demon took its smoky form and hit the house repeatedly in different areas, finding a crack in the invisible shield. (Y/N) ran to the kitchen and opened her secret cabinet, pulling out the things she needed to handle demons. Once she was back at the front door, the demon was crawling back into Mr. Arnold’s body, the smoke disappearing as the old man got back up from where he tumbled down. Black eyes stared at (Y/N) and a cackle broke from the old man’s mouth.

“Looks like the little girl kept a few tricks up her sleeve.”

“What do you want?” (Y/N) yelled, holy water in hand. “I stopped hunting and have nothing to do with whatever you are looking for!”

“Oh, but you do! You have two little girls that Azazel wants.”

“I made no deal with a demon!”

“Don’t need to make one when they carry Winchester blood.”

“Get the fuck out of here we got nothing to do with Winchester!”

“Johnny boy won’t leave my master alone, so Azazel wants to even the playing field. Johnny stops following him and we will leave you and the girls alone. Now, be a good little girl and go get them so we don’t have to do this the hard way.”

“Fuck you!”

(Y/N) ran to the back door suddenly, the demon following. Right when she reached the door, the demon appeared out of nowhere in front of her. She backed away quickly, staring at the possessed man. He laughed loudly as he raised his hands up, but nothing happened. He stopped laughing and looked around, confused by the lack of powers. When he finally looked at (Y/N), she stood there with a smirk.

“Told you to fuck off but you just wouldn’t listen.”

Suddenly, John’s voice broke the silence, speaking in Latin as he chanted an exorcism. (Y/N) pointed above the door, causing the demon to look up at the porch ceiling to see a devil’s trap painted right above him. He looked terrified and in pain as John chanted.

“Next time you see Azazel, tell him my girls are off the Winchester menu. And if he tries to come near them, he is going to deal with one angry Momma Bear.”

The demon screamed as the smoke began to pull out of Mr. Arnold’s body, going down into the ground and straight to Hell. Once it was over, Mr. Arnold slumped forward onto the back door. Bobby quickly ran over and picked up the old man. He said he would take the old man to the hospital and left. John came over and pulled (Y/N) into a tight hug, leaving her in shock.

“Where are the girls?” he asked.

“Upstairs, they are waiting for me,” (Y/N) muttered, moving from John’s embrace.

She quickly ran up the stairs, John not far behind, and stood in front of the girls' bedroom door.

“Hey sweethearts, Mommy’s here. Are you in there?”

Silence was her response, quickly remembering the rule she gave them. (Y/N) closed her hand into a fist and knocked on the door, twice then a pause, three more times then another pause, then five knocks and then moved the doorknob three times. After a few more seconds, (Y/N) could hear the lock switch and the door open a bit. Mary peeked through and looked up at (Y/N).

“Mommy?”

“Yes, baby, it’s me.”

Mary swung the door open and ran into her mother’s embrace, Karen joining right behind. (Y/N) hugged her girls, thankful they were alright. She did her best not to cry but couldn’t help the smile etched on her face. They were safe and sound, just like they should be. The sound of John clearing his throat broke through the moment and (Y/N) looked over at him. He was standing there, hands in his pocket, nervously looking at the girls. The twins looked at him and smiled widely, breaking from (Y/N)’s arms and running towards him.

“Daddy!” they both screamed, hugging his legs.

(Y/N) was shocked to hear the girls call him that, the shock reverberated in John’s face. He got down to his knees and pulled both girls into his arms, hugging them for the first time. He smiled as one tear broke free, falling down his cheek.

======

“Wait, so how do you girls know about him?” Bobby asked while everyone ate.

“Turns out the girls really got their Momma’s smart brain,” John chuckled as he poured more apple juice in Karen’s cup.

Bobby looked at (Y/N) and John, confused by the response. As if Mary understood, she climbed down from her chair and went over to the kitchen island, pressing the button to reveal the secret cabinet. She looked at Bobby and smiled.

“Wait, she knew?” Bobby asked surprised.

“We were playing in the kitchen and sissy accidentally pressed the button. Once we found this, we started looking around the house for other secret doors,” Mary explained as she walked back to her chair.

“Yeah, then we found Mommy’s old diaries and inside one was a picture of her and Daddy,” Karen continued. “She had on the picture his name and after reading the diaries, sis figured that John might be our Daddy. Plus we kind of look like him.”

Bobby burst out laughing at the explanation, causing (Y/N) to throw a napkin at his head.

“Sorry, but your girls are too smart for their own good.”

“At least they are smart!” (Y/N) exclaimed in annoyance.

“Don’t worry Mommy, we know you only did it to protect us. But we do have questions.”

“Well, we can answer those questions later, Mary, because right now, it’s time for cake!”

The girls screamed out in joy, climbing in their chairs to stand up, John moving to stand behind them as (Y/N) went to the kitchen to get the cake she had gone out to buy while John got to know the girls. It was a huge Minnie Mouse cake with two sevens on top so they could both blow out the candles. John, Bobby and (Y/N) sang them Happy Birthday, laughing and smiling as John dipped his finger at the edge of the cake and put frosting on both the girls' faces. It was one of the best nights of (Y/N)’s life, to see her girls happy with their father and uncle. Maybe things would work out well with John finally in their lives.

John spent about a week with the girls after their birthday, enjoying his time with them. They were sad when he had to go, but he promised he would be back soon, keeping that promise thankfully. Each time he left, the girls would cry and beg for him not to leave, but as always, he would take a picture with them and promise them to be back soon so they could take another. Their bedroom wall grew with pictures of them with John, some of him leaving and some of him back with them.

For the next three years, John would never miss a holiday, a birthday, even important school events. He would tell the girls how one day, he hoped to introduce them to his sons, Sam and Dean, and how much they reminded him of his boys. The girls would beg their Mommy to get back with their Daddy, so the four of them could live together and even their brothers would join the family. But (Y/N) couldn’t, not after the heartbreak she went through.

Yes, she loved John dearly, but even still, her heart had never really healed from the pain he caused. And thankfully John respected her choice. He never pressured nor did he try to convince her to go back to him. He simply made it clear that he wanted a sort of friendship between them, for the girl’s sake, which was enough for (Y/N) to accept him in her heart as a friend and the father of her precious babies.

It had been three weeks since John last left, calling in to just say that he was with his sons and they had found a way to finally kill Azazel. Thankfully, no demons had come looking for (Y/N) and the girls, but that didn’t stop John on his vengeance hunt.

“I promise to be back in time for their recital, even if I have to put this on pause,” he said when they spoke on the phone.

“Good, and remember, suit and tie. This is their entry for the private school next year for their scholarship and we have to look presentable.”

“Don’t worry, already got the suit at Bobby’s. See you in a few days.”

“See ya, John.”

“BYE DADDY WE MISS YOU!” the girls yelled out from the living room where they were watching tv.

“Tell them I miss them too,” John chuckled before hanging up.

It was the day of the recital and (Y/N) was in panic mode because John never showed up. The girls had done their presentation and received a standing ovation. They were still backstage when (Y/N) walked out into the hall, mentally slapping herself for trusting John. He had done so well for the past three years, it broke her heart again that he failed all because of an obsession. She was pacing in the hall, mumbling in anger under her breath when she heard someone say her name. She looked up to see Bobby, dressed in a suit and two bouquets in hand. But the look on his face wasn’t of a happy man.

“Bobby, what are you doing here? If John sent you as a replacement, I swear…”

“John’s not coming, sweetheart,” he replied somberly.

“Why?” (Y/N) asked her breath hitching. “Did something happen? Did he find the demon? Are the boys ok?”

(Y/N) rambled question after question, hoping Bobby would say something. Instead, he looked down to his feet, silent. (Y/N) stepped back, searching for the wall, imaging things she shouldn’t, hoping it was just one of John’s failed attempt of arrival and that she would see him in a few days, begging her and the girls forgiveness. But when Bobby looked back up at her, seeing how he fought to hold the tears, she knew what he was going to say. Before he could say a word, the one thing she thought of was how was she going to tell the girls.

“(Y/N), John’s dead.”

Tags:

@marihernanadez @midnightdream83 @1000roughdrafts @bobasheebaby

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #john winchester #john winchester x reader #john x reader

46 notes · View notes

thecursedhellblazer · 4 years

Text

(( I had told myself not to write anything about this, but I kinda have a lot of feelings on the matter and I’ve seen several posts around, so I thought I could share my opinion too. This are just some random thoughts, so forgive me if they are all a bit all over the place. ))

(( Under the cut because the post got a bit long. ))

(( I’ve recently caught up with Legends, after having missed the two latest episodes, and I’m absolutely torn over the kind of twist some of the sub plots are taking. Behrad’s death was kinda expected, but I was still hoping that they would have kept him around for a bit longer. Of course, there is still the chance that he gets back, considering that we don’t really know how the whole Loom of Fate ordeal will end, but tbh I wished we had had more bonding between him and Zari before he was taken out of the picture. I understand that his death, together with meeting her older self, is important to Zari’s character development, but I still feel like it was a bit rushed. ))

(( One thing I really liked, even if maybe is a cliched, was Charlie choosing the Legends as her family and breaking away from the conditioning that her sisters have tried to force on her, even after all that time. And the fact that it was during the episode with the Spn setting...The whole “family doesn’t end with blood” trope was quite fitting. I love that she has found her place with them, after millennia spent on the run from a her “biological” family, which was obviously abusive. ))

(( Another nice surprise was Astra choosing to team up with Ava & Co, choosing to trust John, other than giving into Lachesis’s siren call. I’m really excited to see how they will deal with her character. In the comics, John eventually manages to free her from Hell, but we aren’t given much closure, especially not after how deeply John’s whole storyline is affected by the Newcastle clusterfuck. It seems that the show is trying to take another route to deal with it and I’m really curious and hopeful for what concerns it. Also, I do like the idea of her having a more active role in changing her destine. Quite literally. And Ava sharing her backstory with her, trying to convince her to be her own person? That was really good. Also because it shows the growth of Ava’s character too. ))

(( Now, the thing that has been bothering me the most. The turn in Constantine and Zari 2.0′s relationship. Personally, I don’t like it. I wasn’t a fan of Nate & Zari either, but pushing her towards just makes me straight out uncomfortable. I found myself looking away in the scenes where they were getting romantically physical and I’m not sure what I’m going to do if they will make them an official couple. I really don’t see the chemistry between them. Don’t get me wrong, they are funny, they have a good dynamic, the way their characters clashes because of the differences is interesting. They do have chemistry but as friends. I don’t really see how a romance could work out, and let’s not forget the whole Nate factor. I’m going a bit more in depth with this, even if no one really cares about my meta xD But since I’m at it, I don’t see why not. ))

(( Zari 1.0 and John had some very nice moments. Their relationship was different, also because they had more common ground. They had both known tragedy, they had both made bad choices and paid for them. Zari 1.0 could relate better to John, because, while she was a good person too, she knew what it meant having to do the wrong thing for the right reasons, and that something that John does a lot. I didn’t ship them, but I really loved their dynamics and I will always treasure that scene when she gives him the picture of his mother she had taken. There was a connection there and it was a really good friendship, not so different from the one John has with Charlie. ))

(( Now, Zari 2.0 is a completely different person. She has a completely different backstory and, as such, a different personality. I didn’t like her at first, but she has grown a lot recently and matured too during her time with the Legends and she has got back being a great character, relatable too. However, she still lacks all the common ground that Zari 1.0 had with John. This isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. The fact that they come from completely different worlds is one of the elements that makes their dynamic interesting, but it also underlines the fact that Zari has no idea of who John is and of how his world truly works and she probably will never understand it. She kinda reminds me of Kit (one of John’s lovers in the comics, perhaps his most important relationship together with Zatanna) under some point of view, even if the two characters have some very profound differences. Kit and John were very close, he was head over heels for her, but it didn’t work out because, while she knew him, she couldn’t grasp or accept his world. The magic, the darkness, the bad things he does because it’s what he is. And so it ended very, very badly between them. Honestly? That’s the only kind of dynamic I can picture in a romance between John and Zari. And it’s already a stretch, because Kit’s character had some traits that made her compatible with John, traits that Zari doesn’t have. Not to mention that Kit had a lot of history with John before they got together romantically, and that was what made them work, for a while. Zari doesn’t. So, it might be a way to make it sort of work (still forced for how I see it), unless they break his character...and I would HATE that. He is my favourite from LoT and I’ve waited a long time to see him brought back after his show was cancelled, so...please, don’t ruin it for me. ))

(( Also, their “romantic” connection really felt shoved in out of the blue. They have never really interacted much before and sure, being forced to team up can bring two people close, the timing is awful. Let’s not forget that Zari had just decided to blame John for Behrad’s death. She was supposed to have a grudge against him. Moreover, she is grieving the brother she was finally starting to properly connect with and she is struggling with a quest to rebuild her identity after she has found out about her other self. She is looking for her place in the world and a person who is dealing with that realistically doesn’t go and fall for someone just because they have shared an adventure. It feels forced and rushed. Maybe in another context I could have tolerated it or given it the benefit of the doubt, but not in this moment of the storyline. It’s out of plance to say the least. I had expected them to work out their differences in that episode, but instead all they do is bickering (which is fun) and then they fight together (which was great, tbh, because it shows them both that they can be a good team). However, there’s not a real moment when they properly talk about what has happened, about their conflict . We just see them being shoved together and forced to touch and then there’s that almost kiss moment and it’s just...bad timing. It feels awkward and yeah, forced too. ))

(( Also, let’s not forget that in the previous episode, Zari sleep-walked in Nate’s bedroom and half of the crew, including John, found them in the middle of a somewhat compromising position in the middle of the corridor. John joked and teased them as everyone else and wasn’t upset in the least. On the contrary, he was basically rooting for them. And this was perhaps the day, or a few days at most, before the whole romantic innuendos got thrown in the mix. Yet another reason why I feel this was forced and rushed and brought up out of nowhere. ))

(( As for John, his current focus is on getting the Loom back together and keeping his promise to Astra. We have seen him being reckless and single-minded about it, to the point that he almost got himself, Charlie and Sara killed. And did get Behrad killed, because he didn’t think his shit through. It doesn’t make sense to me that he suddenly finds the time to notice that he might or might not have feelings for Zari. It’s almost out of character. And it clashes with how he has been behaving so far. You don’t stop obsessing about the one thing that would allow you to FINALLY make amends for the greatest regret of your entire life just because you realise that one of your teammates is actually a nice company, all considered. Plus, he too has already too much on his plate in general to have the space for a romance. And, personal preference, John is good on his own. He needs friends that can help him picking up the pieces, not a relationship that will eventually just bring him more harm and complications. God, I miss Chas. ))

(( Someone could argue that they shared a moment during the Romeo vs Juliette episode, but I disagree with that too. That episode was all about Nate and Ray. The dialogue between Romeo and Juliette was not about John and Zari, it was all about Nate and Ray. They are the star-crossed couple of friends (lovers in the play), not John and Zari. That kiss was a symbol of Ray and Nate reconnecting with each other before taking different paths and it had nothing to do with John and Zari. At least, that’s the feeling I had from how the whole episode was built and I think that I’m not completely misled in that regard. ))

(( Last thing, I don’t want the whole thing between Zari and John to be a source of drama. Because that’s what we’ll get, because Nate is still very much in love with Zari, both Zaris. He has started to chase after Zari 2.0 thinking that she was his Zari, but he came to like her for what she is too. And maybe, yes, perhaps he needs to move on from her as some people have pointed out. It could be one way to go around it, but that wouldn’t spare us the classic love triangle crap we get at some point in every damn show and I’m starting to be a bit bored with it. And it wouldn’t really change my view on John and Zari’s relationship. ))

#lot spoilers #legends of tomorrow #lot 5x10 #lot 5x09 #john constantine #nate heywood #ray palmer #ava sharpe #zari tarazi #zari tomaz

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unordinary-analysis · 4 years

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Episode 156

I’m back guys :))

I’ll probably answer something from my inbox tomorrow, too

Honorable mentions:

I just want to know how they got John to go to the office. Like… not that he wouldn’t go, but were they just like ‘hey John, come to the office, we got stuff to talk to you about’? I guess, but… either that means John went back into the school right after beating up all of the royals and heard the announcement or they waited a day to talk to the kid that almost killed like three of the most powerful students… idk this isn’t that important lol

It’s nice to see the continuity of Keene’s love of eating apples

Nothing to talk about with that very last scene of Arlo and Isen because I mean they’re just visiting like probably Remi. Their conversation in the next episode, however… that’s gonna be juicy. ;)

Well, I’m excited. I can’t believe after how long it’s been, this is only the start of the second season…

God, I love this comic

John vs. the School

Okay so, we start off in the school office, and honestly, thank god. Like…? Hello teachers, your student is beating up other students so bad that he’s sending them to hospitals and you know who the kid is, which is proved by the fact that John’s in the office now, so why did you guys wait this long to bust him? Apparently, the answer is that the principal was okay with John bleating up a bunch of low-tiers, but draws the line when he turns his attention towards the royals? I mean, I know that the school obviously is going to prioritize the hierarchy, but for them to just look the other way when John was beating seemingly undeserving low-tiers.

Then the fact that John keeps playing the victim card… like? These people have known who you are, have known what you’ve done from the beginning. I really am in disbelief that John really thinks people are going to believe him, are going to side with him. You are not the victim here, John, and everyone knows it. You might have not deserved some of the things that have happened to you in the past few months, but John hasn’t been the victim in any situation for a long time.

So, I’m glad Vaughn called John out on that by saying, “Spin it however you want, John.” I like him. I’ve talked about him before, I know. There’s just something… off about his. Something suspicious in the way he talks about and acts with the authorities and the things he does sometimes lead me to believe he knows a lot more about, well, everything than he should be able to… I’m definitely keeping my eye on him. I have no doubt that He is going to be heavily involved with the endgame plot of UnOrdinary (the underlying story of UnOrdinary [ex. EMBER]). Anyway, I was really interested by the conversation after John leaves the office between Keene and Vaughn. Keene actually kind of calls out Vaughn in a way for what I was talking about earlier, his ignoring John when he beat up students, and, honestly, thank god. Keene has brain cells. I’m not exactly taking sides, because I always feel that Vaughn is very aware of what to do to get a certain outcome and I kind of want to see where he’s going with this, But it is nice to know that someone is able to think logically too. So, Keene says, “I understand you want to give every student a chance to think for themselves, but John’s behavior is getting increasingly concerning.” AND tHEN, Keene make my day by reminding Vaughn that John’s a late bloomer, and I always like reminders of things like that. But then Vaughn gets all vague again and says that that was why Wellston needs him, which honestly...?? I don’t get.

Anyway, I’m more excited about what happens next. Sorry if this was pretty vague and short (it was, I know)

John and Sera

The most anticipated and talked about thing during the hiatus, ugh. I’m so overwhelmed. We left off with Seraphina seeing Joker when he defeated Arlo and realizing it was her best friend who supposedly didn’t have any powers… yeah… must’ve been quite a shock, huh. Anyway, I was really surprised with the way that Uru-chan decided to handle this in this episode, the premiere of season two. John is clueless to what Sera knows and keeps trying to contact her, playing the same clueless, yet kind friend and Sera is just ignoring him.

What I was expecting was Sera to confront John pretty damn fast. I- I wasn’t really thinking she’d hide the fact that she knew who he was, what he was. But, she doesn’t even say anything to him when he’s standing right there. I’m- I’m just in shock I guess…

The previous buildup of season one that led up to the big reveal and the finale of the season lasted for basically half the season and it wasn’t even some short season. It was over 150 episodes… And I thought that there was no way that something big wasn’t going to happen because this was probably the most anticipated moment in the comic, and it was spectacular, but then… it just… loses its momentum, By avoiding any sudden blow ups in the story, the hype around the season one finale falls flat…

But, I’m thinking that that has to be intentional. I’ve mentioned this before many, many times, but Uru-chan is literally such a great storyteller and I refuse to believe that this happened for no reason. It’s obvious this kind of standstill in the comic between John’s and Seraphina’s characters is some sort of plot device, some way to transition into the next plotline between the two. I mean, if Seraphina had blown up, like I was expecting, their story would’ve been practically predictable and would end soon. Because, I’m positive that Seraphina doesn’t want to be friends with John anymore after learning his secret. We see clear evidence of that in this episode. The second she lets him know she knows, it’s over for the two of them, and we can’t be having that. They are the two main characters of UnOrdinary. Theirs has been the story that has been promoted as a main plot since the beginning. So: a big blow up would ruin John’s and Seraphina’s friendship. Which is why we don’t have it, or at least, not the instant she finds out. By pausing the story in a way, we are holding their relationship together, because once she lets him know, everything is going to change between them. But the pause, while it does hold the possibility that what I’ve described happening above will happen, it leaves some new windows open.

Maybe Sera is going to let him know she knows soon, but this prolonged standstill will undoubtedly bring her some new insight or knowledge or something that she didn’t have before. Maybe she’ll talk to Arlo first or idk. Something like what happened between her and Elaine at the end of the chapter. She’s getting more insight on what was really going on and as she learns more and more, her picture of the real John will get clearer and clearer, if this is what is going to happen.

Anyway, what this could mean, what any growth on this situation could mean is that Seraphina could decide to do a whole bunch of cool things :DD. Here are some of my favorites that I’m really enjoying thinking about:

Sera becoming obsessed with uncovering everything she can about john, kind of like Arlo/Isen did at the beginning of the comic, but much more insistent and erratic because she has to know how he did all this. John- he had managed to hide this from her, from mostly everyone for so long. And for one of the first times in her life, Sera hadn’t been one of the people in on the joke. She had been lied to and while she had already lost her powers, Sera couldn’t lose her mind, her wits. She was all she had left… and she couldn’t stand the thought that it wasn’t enough (kind of confusing but eh)

Plans an elaborate plot of her own to manipulate John into thinking she knows nothing, but she secretly is working on a way to unmask him and reveal his secret to the whole school. In this, Sera wouldn’t really know much about John’s background or else I think she’d be more cautious

Meets and talks with Cecile oh my god please I forgot about Cecile no please I actually need this

Gets her powers back somehow and doesn’t tell him and then one day boom showdown lol

So uh, yeah. There are some things that I would very much enjoy to see. Maybe. Kind of. If they were explained better maybe. ANyway, my point is that there is so many more possibilities for the plot and all because Sera didn’t blow up right after she learned John’s secret. Of course she could like next episode, and I talked about this, but even that would impact the story. Maybe we wouldn’t get some cool scenario like I was thinking, but it would develop the plot/Sera a bit more or at least give the reader time to reflect on how much Sera really was deceived.

#webtoon #unordinary #unordinary webtoon #uruchan #uru-chan #line webtoon #webcomic #john doe #seraphina #episode 156 #episode review #episode analysis #not my best #official

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freddie-mercurial · 4 years

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Hi! I'm a sucker for young Maycury and still innocent and shy Freddie (pictures of him in smile/very early Queen era always made me want to hug him so much, he looks so insecure and shy). Could you write Frian's first time, where Freddie is an anal virgin?

thank you anon i LOVE this, i love first time 😍😍 also sorry because this got a bit long so i’ve thrown it under a read more!!

They’re both strangely nervous. It’s weird because it’s just them, there’s nothing to be nervous about, except there is because tonight is the night. John’s staying with his parents for the weekend and Roger is out with his girlfriend; they have the place to themselves and they’ve been wanting to try this for ages, waiting for the right time. And this is definitely it but it’s a bit daunting.

“How much lube do you have?” Freddie asks, breathless because Brian’s been kissing him non-stop for the past few minutes, his hands eagerly exploring every inch of him he can reach.

“So much,” Brian breaks away long enough to reply. “Plenty.”

“Are you sure?”

Brian pulls away properly then and opens his bedside table drawer to show Freddie, who leans over and snorts as he sees at least half a dozen bottles and tubes of different lubricants.

“Oh my God!” he laughs.

“Should be enough,” Brian grins at him, pushing Freddie back down to start kissing him again.

Freddie lets him, widening his legs as Brian settles comfortably between his thighs, letting himself get slowly worked up by Brian’s tongue in his mouth and the deliberate way he’s stroking Freddie’s skin, his hands getting lower and lower until they’re at his waistband and pushing his trousers down.

Freddie groans, wriggling so Brian can get them off, already hard. They’ve done this before, made out and jerked each other off and sucked each other a few times, but Freddie’s been desperate for more, wants Brian inside him.

Brian closes his fist around Freddie’s cock and strokes him a few times, humming happily into Freddie’s mouth. “You okay?” he asks, pulling back. “You still want to…” He thrusts his crotch into Freddie a bit to indicate what he means.

Freddie nods, grinning shyly. “Let’s do it,” he says boldly, reaching behind him to re-open the drawer and dig out the first lube that meets his hand, passing it to Brian.

Brian upcaps it and squeezes a generous amount into his palm, working his own trousers off and lubing his cock up with it for a few seconds before Freddie realises what he’s doing.

“Whoa! Hold on, darling!” he says quickly, half sitting up. “I’m not prepped at all yet! You can’t just go shoving that in there!”

Brian blinks at him for a moment and gives his head a little shake. “Right, fuck, sorry!” He laughs and picks the lube back up, coating his fingers. His hands are shaking a tiny bit, from a healthy dose of both nerves and excitement, and he spills quite a lot on the sheets.

Freddie tries to take the bottle from him. “Shall I do it?” he asks, but Brian snatches it away.

“No!” he says quickly. “I want to do it.” They’ve never done this before, not even with a finger, though Brian’s done something similar with girls in the past. He’s been fantasising about doing this with Freddie for so long now, it feels like a dream to actually be here between his legs about to do it, his brain isn’t really engaging properly.

Freddie’s got his own hand down there, watching Brian with his lip between his teeth, and Brian gently smacks his hand away. “I want to do it,” he repeats firmly, finding a good position to start off so he can see what he’s doing. He hesitates for a moment, trying not to let himself over-think things, before he presses his index finger just gently between Freddie’s cheeks.

Freddie lets out a quick breath, putting his head back, and Brian stops.

Freddie looks back up at him, frowning.

“Do you think...should I start with my little finger?” Brian asks, looking down at his own hand. His fingers have never seemed quite so big to him before, very long, and he hopes Freddie doesn’t mind.

“Uh...maybe,” Freddie breathes, just watching him. “Please just do it, darling, before I lose my nerve!”

Brian hastily rubs lube all over his little finger, reaching back between Freddie’s legs. “Tell me if it hurts,” he says sternly, and Freddie nods vigorously, gasping when Brian finally pushes his finger inside.

He squeezes around him without meaning to and Brian looks at him intently. “Okay?” he checks, looking back down at his own hand. It had slipped in more easily than he’d expected, though Freddie’s surprisingly tight around him now, far tighter than a girl.

“I’m okay,” Freddie assures him quickly, putting his head back again. “Was that...is that your little finger?”

“Yeah,” Brian tells him, trying to move it gently. “Try to relax a bit, Fred.”

“Christ.” Freddie focuses on relaxing but there’s definitely a part of his mind that’s unhelpfully comparing the size of Brian’s little finger to how big he knows his cock is. It’s not painful right now but it’s definitely...something. He can definitely feel it.

Thankfully Brian isn’t prone to rushing and doesn’t try to move on just yet, he just leans over Freddie and starts kissing him again, keeping his hand where it is and only occasionally moving his finger just a little, letting Freddie get used to the sensation.

Eventually he pulls it out and he continues kissing Freddie but Freddie can feel him fumbling around, can hear the cap on the lube, and then he can suddenly feel something at his entrance again. It’s immediately bigger, noticeably bigger, and Freddie breaks their kiss for a moment so he can breathe.

“Ooh, fuck, Bri,” he moans, trying not to do what his body instinctively wants to do and squeeze so it can’t go in any further, trying to keep himself relaxed. “Is that your cock?”

Brian laughs. “It’s my other finger,” he tells him, and Freddie swallows hard.

“Oh Christ! How the fuck will your cock ever fucking fit?”

“Ssh, don’t worry,” Brian soothes him, kissing him again. “We’ll go slow. If it’s too much we’ll stop, okay?” His only major concern is that he might come long before then and ruin this whole thing; he’s always been ridiculously attracted to Freddie, his cock very enthusiastic whenever Freddie is concerned, but he’s still surprised by just how arousing he finds it to see and feel Freddie like this.

He does go slow, savouring it, taking his time. It feels so different to touching a girl he’s a bit obsessed with the new sensation of it, and with all the delightful new sounds Freddie makes while he’s being touched.

Freddie relaxes slowly, his kisses turning from distracted and slightly tense back to sensual as he adjusts to the feeling of one and then two of Brian’s fingers, so slowly it gets fully dark outside their window while Brian’s still just gently prepping him.

Freddie starts getting impatient after that, wriggling restlessly. “Oh, Bri, come on,” he begs, breathing hard. “Surely you’re done by now, please.”

“Ssh, it’s better to be safe than sorry,” Brian tells him, quietening him with more kisses. He does want to be safe and make sure Freddie’s fully prepared, but also he’s relishing just this, having his fingers inside him, being able to really feel him, watching Freddie under him. He knows he’s not going to last long once he’s fucking him properly so he wants to draw this out, enjoy it for as long as he can.

Or as long as Freddie will let him.

“Brian!” he groans desperately, squeezing around him—three fingers by this point, and occasionally the very tip of Brian’s thumb. “Please just do it, I’ve been waiting for this for months!”

“So’ve I,” Brian retorts, running his tongue along Freddie’s lip. “Impatient.”

“Brian!” He’s loud this time, grabbing Brian’s shoulders almost painfully hard. “Please. Don’t you...don’t you want to?” he asks, suddenly sounding insecure, and Brian hates that.

“Of course I want to,” he reassures him at once, stroking his thigh. “I love you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t, I trust you, please!”

And Brian can’t hold out after that. He pulls his fingers out and Freddie lets out a little gasp, pushing against him, missing the closeness.

“Oh fuck, where’d the lube go?” Brian asks breathlessly, staring around the rumpled covers looking for it.

Freddie groans, feeling quite tortured as Brian pats around the bed trying to find it, eventually locating it with a triumphant, “Aha!” and pouring a generous amount over his cock, carefully rubbing it in. Carefully because he’s on the edge of coming everywhere as it is and he doesn’t want to waste this.

“Ready?” he whispers, lying down and positioning himself over Freddie, his cock trailing along his thigh until Brian manages to find a good position, nudging in between his cheeks and waiting there for a moment, trying to catch his breath.

“Yeah, do it,” Freddie breathes, gazing up at him.

Brian meets his gaze, feeling like his heart’s in his throat with just how goddamn in love he is, and slowly starts to push in.

Freddie’s face changes at once, his eyes and mouth going round, and Brian cups his face with one hand. “Okay?” he checks quickly.

Freddie can only nod, and Brian carries on pushing into him, ever so slowly, until Freddie gasps and grits his teeth.

Brian stops at once, pausing where he is. “Freddie,” he says, kissing him gently. “Are you alright, is this okay?”

Freddie presses his teeth together. “Just...give me a moment,” he says stiltedly, very slowly adjusting his hips a little to try and ease the pressure.

“Does it hurt? Should I stop?”

Freddie shakes his head. “No! No, darling. It’s not painful it’s just...different.” Brian’s not exactly small down there and it’s a lot to get used to despite Brian’s what felt like hours of prepping him. “You can keep going now.”

Brian does so, easing in as slowly as he can manage, his entire focus on being gentle and not just giving into the urge to thrust.

“There you go,” he whispers as he’s finally fully seated, pressed all the way inside Freddie. It’s like nothing he’s ever felt before, so tight and perfect and Freddie, Brian wants to spend every single hour he has left just like this.

Freddie sighs in contentment, wrapping his arms around Brian’s shoulders as Brian spends a few minutes just laying there buried inside him, letting Freddie feel him.

“I love you,” Brian tells him sincerely, nuzzling into his neck as he very slowly starts to pull out and ease back in again. “Love you so much.”

“Love you too,” Freddie tells him, hot all over and glowing. He does, he loves Brian so much, can’t quite believe that they’re finally here, Brian above him and smiling the way he does, feeling so perfect inside him. There’s nobody else in the world Freddie would have preferred to do this with.

#maycury #frian #replies #prompts

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soveryanon · 5 years

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Reviewing time for MAG159, shortly before I’m Eradicated I Guess. TT___TT

- Hhhh over the quietness compared to last episode: less characters, less urgency, less twists and things happening on every side. Just the slowness, the repetitions of the waves, the footsteps, the echoes (down to the structure of the exchanges: Jon-Peter, Jon-Martin, Jon-Peter, Jon-Martin). Peter’s voice was really cool with earphones, because:

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] He doesn’t~ want~ to see you~ ARCHIVIST: Where are you? PETER: [DISTORTED, END OF SENTENCES ECHOING] I’m not here, Archivist – no one is. It’s only you.

Given how his voice was circling (sometimes far, closer, on the right, on the left), it really felt that indeed: he was nowhere at all, and everywhere at the same time. Everything felt more intimate, more personal, more intrusive: Peter’s personal story, Jon’s own sense of losses (the friends or people he cared for lost over his journey, the threat that Martin would meet the same fate), The Lonely feeding Martin with a false sense of security… everything was really fitting, for our first inside experience of The Lonely?

- I’m going to miss Peter’s own static, because it really felt to me, every time, that the tape recorders were just plain hissing at him for being there, “we do not like you, hhhh go away go away go away!!”. Though: Peter is dead (exploded/was ripped from existence), but Martin is still around (for now ;;), has been trained to be dual-Lonely, managed to disappear on Georgie in MAG149, has admitted that he was “getting there”, so… if Martin survives the end of season 4 and is not sealed or stuck somewhere afterwards, or at the very least, if we still hear him from time to time, we could still get some trademark Lonely static. This time from him. Sob.

- “If Peter loses, it won’t be (all) that bad” Simon and Elias said.

(MAG151) SIMON: I think… [INHALE] I think Peter is taking a rather large, but calculated gamble. Not just on you, but on a lot of things. If it works, he’ll be in a very strong position. And if he fails… it won’t be all that bad. MARTIN: You don’t think it will be the end of the world? SIMON: Oh! It very well might be, but…

(MAG158) PETER: … Fine. MARTIN: Great. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING] Now, perhaps if one of you, then, can tell me what– [SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION REACHING A PEAK, BEFORE DECREASING] ELIAS: It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or…

Cue Peter being disintegrated. “won’t be that bad”.

(In Elias’s case, it was probably about The Watcher’s Crown happening and Peter having to live under The Eye, since it was before Peter announced that no, he would stick around to make it hard on Jon? But ouft.)

- I do love how Peter’s own statement didn’t even try to portray him in a good light (filthy rich, not doing much with his life or to create money on his own, only spending it? And utterly unrepentant about sacrificing people), but also showed how… pathetic he actually was? It really feels like he was broken since his childhood, and I was especially !! over this bit:

(MAG159) PETER: Gertrude was the one that scared me. She seemed to have no interest in meeting me whatsoever, something… I appreciated, but there was something in her eyes when she looked at me, as though she was making a calculation and I was an unwanted integer she was deciding whether to remove. It wasn’t until much later that I realised exactly how true that was. Still, it seems I was never a pressing enough concern for her to sail out after me, or even wait until I’d made port and waylay me. I suppose even she couldn’t have predicted how it would all turn out.

… He described her as a child would. How this big, undecipherable, scary adult could harm him, and how he would have been unable to do anything against that. It was also there in the way he seemed to constantly miss the point, although he had claimed to Martin that he was “focusing on the big picture” (MAG126):

* The Daedalus project. The Dark went full-force into it, created a device they would use for their ritual (and which had survived the failed attempt until Jon destroyed it in MAG143); it contributed to Simon’s research for his own next ritual attempt (MAG151: “Oh goodness no, that’s the future my boy! […] Honestly, I’m pinning most of my long-term hopes on space – but that’s at least a hundred years away.”); meanwhile, Peter:

(MAG159) PETER: I started it, shortly before Simon convinced me to join him with his little space experiment. It was interesting, of course! But in the end, a tremendous waste of money, just to scare a single astronaut. But I had it in my mind that it might distract from my true attempt.

Peter “focusing on the big picture” Lukas only spilled all that cash for an experiment on one person without… even… thinking… that maybe… it could serve… bigger/greater plans…

* The fact that a few details from his ritual attempts were personal biases – the only description we have of Peter is that he’s “white” and “very pale” for a sailor, so, big surprise that he would only pick white people for his project. (And he was obsessed with so many details in his description of the building? I mean, on the one hand, he got a good reading of how modern people’s fears worked (although he got help to nail it); on the other hand, it also read as an accumulation of small silly little details meant to casually make people’s lives worse… but not a Grand Plan or something. It was fairly efficient, it fits The Lonely, but still. The Dark and The Stranger plotted their ritual for years with an accumulation of esoteric symbols and dedication and The Lonely had to be an attempt coming from One Guy, and one of the evilnesses of said plan relied on cutting off people’s Internet. And he got defeated by a headline in the newspaper.)

(I’m not even sure that it was Gertrude who was responsible for the headline because, to be fair, that could as well have been Elias’s doing.)

* Still rezudisjnezd that he named the ritual “The Silence” only because he thought they had to have a name. It’s just. Lacking so much love and Conviction.

* Peter was ultimately played by everyone: Elias staged his encounter with Martin in MAG108, ensuring that Peter would pick him (was it because of Melanie&Basira’s conversation in MAG106, about the fact that Martin had a crush on Jon? Did Elias think that it would work as a safeguard to ensure that Martin would choose Jon over The Lonely?), and riled him up enough to go wait for Jon in The Lonely although it wasn’t part of their deal. Martin waited his time before dropping Peter at the last moment in the Panopticon. Even in this episode, Jon… lured him out:

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. I suppose you did. [FOOTSTEPS] … Where are your friends, Archivist? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Tim and Sasha are dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Daisy and Basira are… probably dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Because – of – you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Georgie and Melanie have left me. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] And? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Martin’s gone. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] You’re alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you can’t hurt anyone in here. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Yes… [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] … Or perhaps you could answer some questions. PETER: [DISTORTED] … What? ARCHIVIST: [STATIC INCREASES] I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can See you now. I can find you wherever you go.

(J–Jon, that does count as “honey-trap”.)

* Feeding the pitiful vibes (not sympathetic ones): the fact that Peter was aware of his fatal flaw and the fact that he was predictable, not a big enough threat for anyone? And there was the casual awareness, too, that he wouldn’t come back, or at least wouldn’t come back to what he loved:

(MAG159) PETER: Some of my most peaceful memories were on the Tundra. I had gathered a small group of trusted souls, who I knew were loyal and dedicated – to… my money. They had no qualms or morals about what we did on that boat, and at my request, each signed to the ship under a false name, so I would never have to know who they were. Those Lonely nights of sacrifice, and waiting, hearing the dreadful sound of my ancestors’ whistle drift over the dark and brooding waters, knowing another soul was leaving this world… God, I wish I was there now…! Locked in my cabin, staring over the quiet emptiness of the open ocean. But it’s moored now, and I came on land, at Elias’s request. My crew is out there waiting for a call I think I am now unlikely ever to give them. […] Thinking about it now, perhaps one of the reasons I lasted as long as I did was that I was, at the end of the day, predictable. A “known quantity”. I had my little patch, sending my poor lost sailors to their Forsaken end, but I rarely stepped outside of it. When I think of all those I met who travelled in this secret world we found ourselves in – Gertrude, Simon, Mikaele, even Rayner… there are plenty whose lives might well have been easier with my death, but it was rare that I strayed outside my habits. […] Maybe that’s why, when I crossed paths with Adelard Dekker, we ended up talking, and he told me his theory of The Extinction – something that stayed with me even after he died pursuing it.

(* The way Adelard Dekker just casually chatted to Peter about his theory was revealing: we saw Adelard binding the Not!Them to the Web table, following an End avatar to neutralise him for some time and prevent further victims, confronting John Amherst at the cost of his own life… but Peter Lukas? Adelard chatted with him about his convictions and theories regarding a new Fear emerging.)

* The way Peter was obliterated on all accounts?? He got played by everyone, learned that Martin was not loyal to him, lost his bet with Elias, Jon tore his statement from his sore mouth (and DANG was Alasdair’s voice acting incredible, with Peter’s voice getting hoarser and hoarser as his story was dragged down from his throat; Peter wasn’t used to talking that much, clearly), then obliterated him in his own territory – The Lonely, with the sound of the waves reminiscent of the sea Peter loved. And Jon managed to get Martin and to get him back to himself, and is now ready to leave The Lonely. And nail into the coffin:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Martin…! He’s gone, Martin. He is gone. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] His only wish was to die alone. ARCHIVIST: Tough…!

… he didn’t even get to get his last wish respected. (That “Tough…!”, jON… Jon was acting like Tim in MAG118, when Jon was complaining about cobwebs.)

- I’m surprised we never saw a Eye-Vast-Lonely collaboration at work because??? Perfect trinity, they’ve all pointed out how close they were to each of the other two?

(MAG091) MIKE: A little bit of privacy. Is that really so much to ask? I suppose it is, isn’t it? From you and yours at least. We have a lot in common, really. After all, what, what good’s the height, the terrifying draw of gravity, unless you, unless you really know the scale of what you’re facing?

(MAG151) SIMON: I mean, yes, if you want to get technical, he serves The-One-Alone, and I serve The-Falling-Titan, but – those two are a lot closer than you might imagine. After all: the larger the space you find yourself alone in, the more isolated you feel. MARTIN: [RECITING] And being aware of how lonely you are can make anywhere feel more empty. SIMON: Exactly. I’ve actually been toying with the idea of trying to do something with the scale of humanity itself; you know, emphasise all that “overpopulation” nonsense, but… honestly, it just… doesn’t ring true for me. We’re all just so tiny and pointless, you see; it’s hard to really get past it.

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] Just go. [RUMBLING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Make me. … Unless you can’t. The Lonely and The Eye aren’t too far apart, are they? Not really. What good’s being alone if you don’t know how alone you truly are.

Though yeah, The Eye sounds compatible with a lot of things – especially given how it just fed on Peter’s misery, indiscriminately (even to the point that, you got messed up by The Dark? Well, telling your story will still feed Beholding).

- I’m not sure I understood well what Peter meant, chronology-wise, regarding his ritual:

(MAG159) PETER: My instinct was much like the others: I thought that if I could complete my ritual first, then the potential birth of the Dreadful Change would be meaningless. I started it, shortly before Simon convinced me to join him with his little space experiment. It was interesting, of course! But in the end, a tremendous waste of money, just to scare a single astronaut. But I had it in my mind that it might distract from my true attempt.

If it’s how I think it went: Adelard talked to Peter about his theory of The Extinction, so Peter began to think about his ritual, but Simon distracted him with the Daedalus project first, Peter got involved with the Daedalus, then began to get invested in his Lonely ritual for real? If so:

* Adelard’s oldest letter regarding The Extinction was from January 2006 (MAG134). He probably talked about it with Peter around that time, since…

* “Stratosphere group” launched the Daedalus in early 2007 (MAG057).

* Peter brought Gertrude and Michael Shelly towards The Great Twisting (MAG101), some time after October 2009 (as it was coming close in MAG126).

* Sean Kelly was sacrificed on the Tundra in/shortly after October 2010 (MAG033).

So the big question is whether Gertrude had already thwarted Peter’s ritual attempt by The Great Twisting, or if she did it afterwards. Peter mentioned that he was a mess right after:

(MAG159) PETER: It really knocked me back. Took me years to find myself again. I returned to the Tundra, tried to forget.

And it could fit Carlita’s description of him in MAG033? (It would mean that Peter was actually MOPING when she saw him, which could match and explain why he had felt so different from the Peter Lukas who later started looming around the Institute.)

Another question is whether “[C/K]onrad Lukas” was actually Peter under an alias, or another Lukas:

(MAG057, Carter Chilcott) “I remember the man in charge of my particular project, Conrad Lukas, made a face of rather overstated disgust when he told me I wouldn’t be up there entirely on my own. I got the distinct impression he was one of those people who feel that ethical restrictions do nothing but bind the hands of the true scientist, and leave them at the mercy of their subjects’ limitations. […] Mission Control had also supplied me with a lot of books and films and other entertainment as, like Conrad had told me at the first briefing, the experiment was into isolation – not boredom.”

But given Peter’s own stance towards fiction:

(MAG159) PETER: I had no time for… books, or television, or any of the escapes and artificial friendships of fiction. No; I was myself, and that was enough.

I’m leaning towards the idea that it was another Lukas there. So: Peter being indeed the “favoured son”, official heir, in control of the family money, and sending other Lukases to do this or that.

- Re: Adelard’s email from MAG157:

(MAG159) PETER: Maybe that’s why, when I crossed paths with Adelard Dekker, we ended up talking, and he told me his theory of The Extinction – something that stayed with me even after he died pursuing it.

It doesn’t mean that Peter was the one who put it on Jon’s desk, but at the very least, he did indeed know that Adelard was dead. (I was strongly suspecting it since Peter had never mentioned to Martin the possibility of finding Adelard or working with him, so yeah, that checks out!)

- So…

(MAG111) GERARD: Families are just useful ‘cause they can push you in the right direction. And the Lukases are very good at that. ARCHIVIST: And I imagine they’re not… reluctant to remove any members that might put that legacy at risk. GERARD: Right. You know, for a group that worships a power of Loneliness, they never seem to have any problems breeding, or finding spooky singles to marry them. Just one of those things, I guess. But most times you try to put your descendants on the path to worship, it doesn’t go great. Just takes one stubborn heir to freak out about the truth, and the whole thing comes crashing down.

(MAG159) PETER: I suppose to call myself an “only child” is, technically, untrue. Two of my sisters still live, though they disavowed the family and moved far, far away. Still… to be cut off from one’s family is its own… very special sort of loneliness, isn’t it? So we all serve, in our own ways. The other two – my brother, Aaron, and sister, Judith – well… they weren’t considerate enough to quietly grow to adulthood and disappear. They simply didn’t have the temperament to thrive in a Lukas household, always trying to… instigate games… make friends… connect with people… As far as I’m aware, they were sent away, to live their lives with very distant relatives, never to return. I’m sure it’s possible my mother resolved the matter in a less pleasant manner, but in my limited interaction with her, she never struck me as a cruel woman, and I would imagine for children that age, the fear and isolation of being uprooted, and sent away, is just as strong as that of meeting a more… grisly fate.

I’m still not sure what happened with Evan Lukas, but this episode pointed out that, actually, Lukases that do not embrace The Lonely… are the norm. Out of the five children, Peter was the only one to willingly take that path, although growing up in such a family was, yeah, enough to mess up the others and make their lives casually miserable just because they had been born in the wrong family. On the one hand, funerals seemed to be a regular thing in the family (“When I returned, I was met by my mother and a small group of stern-faced relatives that I had never seen before – except at funerals. […] I left the house again shortly after, and took to the sea, and never saw my mother again – except, of course, at funerals.”); on the other hand, I think Peter would have mentioned it, if being a Lukas but straying away from the family god had a known tendency to kill you very soon, very fast…?

So what happened with Evan Lukas exactly…? Since ~having a heart~ was actually not that uncommon, since choosing not to partake in the family faith happened to almost all Lukases, what happened for him to suddenly die and for the family to try to feed Naomi to The Lonely…?

(- The mention of funerals was so awful and funny at the same time because, yes, you understand why in this family, funerals would constitute the ideal family gathering instead of getting everyone together over birthdays or life-oriented celebrations.

… at the same time, oops, it’s exactly Like That in my extended family too.

But still: Peter’s delivery was so… Peter. I’m love him, I’m gonna miss this awful man.)

- So, we got our ~Beach episode~ with the waves in the background, complete with a murder and a hug /o/ But the atmosphere was exceptionally fitting since, when Carter Chilcott was losing it in the Daedalus, he had dreamed about graveyards and the sea (MAG057: “I’d be sleeping, strapped into my bed in the middle of the void, or at the same time floating through ancient graveyards or the open, empty sea. They weren’t hallucinations though, they were dreams – even if the cold seem to seep out of them, and into the bones of me.”). In MAG159, we had waves, but also the sound of Jon walking on gravel, which was reminiscent of a graveyard? So, the two places Peter was associated with: the sea (and the Tundra), and the graveyards (from the funerals).

- I love how the (potential) Lonely Eyes was brushed upon with subtle touch / was “maybe there” behind what what Peter wasn’t saying:

(MAG159) PETER: My mother had five children over her life, before my father finally drifted away. She was a Lukas to the core, though not born into the family, while my father, for all he believed himself keen on a life… without… obligation, gradually withered away to nothing, as she cultivated the space between them. […] It was the sort of childhood that would not be allowed if we didn’t have money, but we’re an old family with, shall we say, a… [CHUCKLE] remarkably direct line of inheritance. […] I, of course, was the favoured son, being quiet and reserved and, at all points, deeply engaged with my own loneliness.

Not surprising for a Lonely avatar? But still noticeable that Peter never mentioned the concept of producing children of his own, when he was the “favoured son” in a family with a “remarkably direct line of inheritance” (you don’t have to be gay to not want children, but.). Same with his meeting with James-Elias-Jonah:

(MAG159) PETER: But it’s moored now, and I came on land, at Elias’s request. My crew is out there waiting for a call I think I am now unlikely ever to give them. … I will call him “Elias”, for that’s how I’ve known him for most of our… acquaintance, though I originally met him when he was still “James Wright, Head of the Magnus Institute”. I considered him a dull little man at first, so keen to watch other people’s misery, to lose himself in second-hand pain and drama – exactly the sort of thing I’d always been so keen to avoid. […] I suppose that’s why I was so keen when Elias contacted me. We kept in touch, of course: my family helped fund the Institute, and he’d always been good about tipping me off to potential victims. Going through something horrific can leave you feeling very isolated indeed, especially if you know no one else will believe you. And of course… he knew I find it hard to resist a wager.

Peter “considered him a dull little man at first”, and that “at first” is saying a lot on its own, uh? (I’m screaming a bit less dignifiedly over that hesitation before “acquaintance”, because that one really felt like a way to circumvent The Eye’s compulsion, to not lie but not go into TMI territory.)

As Peter mentioned, he was a creature of habit – so, it’s almost sweet, in its own way, that he stuck to “Elias”, since it was the body he was mainly accustomed to (… well. “host-body”.)

(- SCREAMING over the concept of Elias “tipping off” Peter to victims as potential Lonely sacrifices: OF COURSE, he would, and that’s??? So horrible??? And yeah, really putting back in mind that the Institute has never been a “good” place, or even that passive: getting stories from people, feeding their trauma to The Eye, trapping them in the Archivist’s nightmares if they gave their statements live, never helping you to deal with the things that were going after you… and even ensuring that you could be snatched up by other Fears. I thought that sending Brian to the Lonely in MAG100 was a power display (snatching a victim in The Eye’s own temple under Elias’s nose), and maybe it was; but it was… also linked to the fact that anyway, Peter was used to get statement-givers after the Institute was done with them.

… come to think of it, that’s almost “sweet”/blasphemy from Elias, to throw potential victims in Peter’s direction, since it means they wouldn’t feed The Eye anymore?)

- … Peter’s statement also highlighted that Peter was (assumingly) pretty young compared to Elias-Jonah? I’m a bit sad about how ouuuuuuuuuuuuuft, in the end, Peter and Elias’s relationship doesn’t feel like two terrible people casually annoying each other and their plans, after all, but… mostly Elias indulging/toying with Peter, from start to finish? The way Peter described it, they were absolutely not on equal ground:

(MAG159) PETER: And of course… he knew I find it hard to resist a wager. If I could convince one of his staff to willingly pledge themselves to The Lonely, it was all mine. He even let me pick the victim. He was so sure the prize of the Institute, the Panopticon, and a willing vessel to use it, would be just too much for me to resist. And… he was right. Just didn’t go quite as I’d hoped. … You know, this is one of the first bets I ever made with him that I’ve actually lost. But I guess that’s how hustlers work, isn’t it? They lose, and lose, until you’re willing to put it all on the line, and then… the trap shuts. So I suppose that’s probably why I reacted so rashly, trying to rip his victory away. Keep you here. But it looks like I might have underestimated my opponent, once again.

Elias absolutely manipulated Peter from the start? He pushed him in Martin’s direction (MAG108) so the pick was rigged from the start. He lost previous bets, assumedly on purpose, just to give Peter a false sense of security. Elias got what he needed from Peter, which was at the bare minimum getting Jon to willingly experience The Lonely, and a potential few petty bonuses (making Martin’s life miserable for a few months after Martin plotted his arrest; ensuring that the Archives team would drift apart with The Lonely’s presence in the Institute; pushing Basira to leave Jon alone with the coffin, then encouraging her to take Jon to Svalbard so Jon would both face The Buried and The Dark)… meanwhile, Peter didn’t manage to get anything at all except for a few researchers? It seems that Peter was the only one to think that Elias and him were on kinda equal footing?

(I’m not excluding the possibility that Elias will be surprised/upset to learn that Jon absolutely butchered Peter, and that Elias was assuming that Peter would get out damaged but not dead, but… not banking on it. From the letters we saw, Jonah Magnus wasn’t really into attachments, and given Elias’s cackle when Peter went off to wait for Jon in The Lonely? Yeah no, all according to plan.)

- ;; Martin got back this time, but I’m not sure that his involvement with The Lonely won’t have long-lasting (well. First assuming he survives.) effects on him? His description of the comfort he found in it didn’t come out of nowhere – it’s how he had described it to the tape recorders before:

(MAG142) MARTIN: [SIGH] Th–the worst part is I don’t even want to talk to him about it. I’m just… [SIGH] I suppose I’m just getting comfortable with the distance. [SIGH] Cut off. [DRY CHUCKLE] “Lonely”. [INHALE] Mind you, Peter’s not wrong. It really is easier than actually just trying to communicate with people.

(MAG149) MARTIN: Sort of… surprised Peter hasn’t rocked up with some more… “insights”? Haven’t seen him around for a while, actually. I mean… eh, it’s not like I miss him [CHUCKLING] but, at least he was someone to– [PAUSE] … Ah. [HUFF] [PAPER RUSTLING] Yeah, that makes sense. [EXHALE] A’ight, fine. Just… me on my lonesome for a while, then. … Could be worse. … Peaceful, at least. … I don’t miss all the shouting. [CHUCKLE] Even if it w–

(MAG156) MARTIN: Mm. “Emptiness or maggots”…! It’s kinda the shape of things around here, isn’t it? Still, kind of nice to talk to some… thing. [INHALE] It’s always… quiet, these days. For me, at least. I guess I technically have the power to make it not quiet, to… to talk to people, but like… You know, I–I also have the power to clean out the fridge, and it’s still a mess. It’s not that I don’t want to clean the fridge, it’s just… Some things are just hard…! Anyway. I know he’s been listening to the tapes so, [INHALE] I guess that’ll have to do. I think I still care that he hears my voice. It’s hard to tell, sometimes. How much do I actually care; how much is just feeling that I should care. I’m on my own so much these days, I… just wish I didn’t like it so much.

(MAG159) MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] N–No. No, I don’t think so. ARCHIVIST: … Why? MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] This is where I should be. It feels right. ARCHIVIST: Martin, don’t say that. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] Nothing hurts here. It’s just quiet. Even the fear is gentle here. ARCHIVIST: This isn’t right, this isn’t you! MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] It is, though. [CHUCKLE] I really loved you, you know? […] ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] No, you don’t. Not really…! Everyone’s alone, but we all survive. ARCHIVIST: I don’t just want to survive! MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] I’m sorry.

Some of the things Martin said over season 4 might have been in case Peter would hear them, but there was still some bits of truth, eh? And it’s absolutely nasty from The Lonely to sell him promises of distance – not losing anymore, not being hurt ever again – when Martin had indeed lost and lost and lost.

(And ouft, the shared bits regarding how Jon and Martin experienced The Lonely and/or Peter’s influence… Peter reminded Martin of Tim and Sasha’s death right at the start of MAG158, simply by mentioning Tim and freeing Not!Sasha; Jon had to once again acknowledge whom he had lost, so Tim and Sasha, while walking in The Lonely. Martin got promised to not be hurt again; Jon got encouraged to give in because he couldn’t hurt anyone again.)

* Cries in season 4 trailer:

(S4 trailer) MARTIN: We really need you, Jon. Everything’s… It’s bad. I–I don’t know how much longer we can do this. We– … I need you. A–and… I know that you’re not… [PAUSE] I–I know th–there’s no way to… [PAUSE] But we need you. Jon. Jon, please, just… Please. If–if there’s anything left in you that can still… see us, or–or some power that you’ve still got, or–or, or something, anything – please! … Please… [SHAKY BREATHING, STRANGLED VOICE] I… I can’t…

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] No, you don’t. Not really…! Everyone’s alone, but we all survive.

Because!!! Gnn, Martin could deflect Jon like this since he had already tried to beg for help, for Jon to come back, down to the correction of “We – I need you”, and it hadn’t worked back then.

And that’s the thing with Martin, I think? He highlighted in MAG158 that he wasn’t a “chosen” one and, given his life, it indeed feels like a long string of never being chosen or favoured or saved. His father dumped him along with his mother when he was a kid (MAG118: “How old were you when your father left? Eight? Nine? When you mother began to sicken and he decided he was done with you both.”), his mother had grown to hate him although he had sacrificed his life for her well-being, quitting school to find work (MAG118: “Your mother… simply hates you. You just don’t know why! It’s not your fault. Though I know that isn’t any consolation, it’s just bad luck, really.”). Tim… had favoured him a lot, at first (still following him when Martin wanted to check on Jon at the end of season 2, warning him over what it meant to read statements during season 3) but ultimately followed his own path to avenge his brother without considering Martin a reason to stay (MAG114: “You know how long that thing pretended to be Sasha? […] And I had no idea? I knew Sasha for years, we… I don’t know Martin as well as I knew her; I barely know what Melanie and Basira look like, or that weird murder-cop.”). It has been the case with a lot of characters (Martin did that to Tim by favouring Jon over him, too?), but Basira and Daisy had each other, Georgie and Melanie found each other, and given his backstory, it’s… not really a surprise that a weak spot would be the fact that, although he’s trying to be the caretaker and the caregiver, Martin mostly wanted to be cared for by someone…? (And it wasn’t anyone’s responsibility or duty to provide that, except for his parents, and that part had been screwed for most of his life already.) (Well, tho. Technically, Martin has been “chosen” thrice recently: by Elias when he pushed Peter in his direction, by Peter when he picked Martin for their bet – and now by Jon.)

So tl;dr SOMEONE CAME FOR MARTIN, and independently from the fact that it was Jon, I’m so glad for him? ;w; Especially with the contrast between the two times Martin was made to experience Eye powers:

(MAG118) ELIAS: The resemblance is quite uncanny: the face of the man she hates, who destroyed her life, watching over her; feeding her; cleaning her; looking down on her with such pity– MARTIN: [RAGGED] Shut! Up! ELIAS: Do you want to know what she sees when she looks a you? [STATIC INTENSIFIES] MARTIN: [STRANGLED BREATHING AND CRIES] [FOR LONG] [LONG] [STRANGLED SOBS] [STATIC FADES OUT] ELIAS: Don’t. burn. any more. statements.

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Martin… Martin, look at me. Look at me, and tell me what you see. [STATIC RISES] MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] I see… [INHALE] I see you, Jon. [BREATHLESS CHUCKLE] [PRESENT, ECHO FADES] I see you…! ARCHIVIST: Oh, Martin… [CLOTHES RUSTLING] MARTIN: [FRANTIC BREATHING] I w–I was on my own…! I was all on my own… ARCHIVIST: Not anymore. Come on – let’s go home…

In both cases: showing, seeing… but in order to hurt him (thx Elias), and in order to comfort/love him (jON!!). Souring and taking vs. … giving?

And it felt like such a completion for Jon, too! Because Sasha had died in a blind spot, unnoticed until Jon could pick up on and puzzle together what had happened to her. Tim died “thanks” to Jon giving him the means to fight against The Unknowing’s effects, through the compulsion.

(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: Tim!! [STATIC] What do you see? TIM: I see my asshole boss! W– wait… wait… SARAH: Spoil-sport. NIKOLA: Tim… TIM: … Grimaldi. NIKOLA: Once, a long time ago, before Orsinov made me. And sometimes, even now, on special occasions. Like your brother! DISTORTED MALE VOICE: Shall I? ARCHIVIST: Tim! [STATIC] What’s in your hand? TIM: It’s… I don’t… the– the– … the detonator…

And we got a glimpse of how the people Jon had lost, permanently or spiritually, were still impacting him:

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED, END OF SENTENCES ECHOING] I tried to tell you. He’s gone. He made his choice. And it wasn’t you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: … It was for me, though. I’m the reason he…! … I did this to him as much as you. PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. I suppose you did. [FOOTSTEPS] … Where are your friends, Archivist? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Tim and Sasha are dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Daisy and Basira are… probably dead. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Because – of – you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Georgie and Melanie have left me. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] And? [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Martin’s gone. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] You’re alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you can’t hurt anyone in here.

Jon, who had failed to save anyone… finally managed to get Martin (/an assistant) back. Regardless of Jon’s personal feelings for Martin, it’s still so much…! Peter was right to point out that they don’t know each other that much (and I’m glad that someone finally addressed it), but it’s not that much relevant when there is still a desire to reach the other, like we saw? I’m glad for that this small bubble of hug and comfort was found…

(;; But. He did save Martin. Thanks to The Eye’s powers. It was a mix of himself as a human and of supernatural means, but… It’s not the kind of series where using these powers is ever a positive thing in the medium to long run.)

(I’m still not sure what I want Jon to have done there!! If it was to focus and anchor Martin, or to Show His Inner Self to him. Whatever Martin saw, it pleased him; it might not be a Good Thing given that Jon had just murdered someone but!! Still. Martin was happy?? Relieved??? In my TMA??? I’m so worried over what the next episode will do to shatter that orz)

- edcnjxerfd Peter please.

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] You’ve still got time, Archivist. Turn around, and leave. You’ve played your part; now, go. ARCHIVIST: What’s wrong, Lukas? Afraid of talking face to face? PETER: [DISTORTED] [LAUGH] Of course! Or haven’t you been paying attention? ARCHIVIST: [GRUNT] [FOOTSTEPS] Mar–tin!

Glad that it was acknowledged that yeah, Peter had been avoiding him for the entirety of season 4; extra-glad that Jon is receiving that as a slow burn.

- Re: Jon => he was incredibly scary, I’m Very Worried because, despite the hug, despite the comfort, despite Martin being found/chosen and Jon finally managing to save someone, it was still Jon’s powers who saved him… and it had been a good thing when it had happened with the coffin according to Elias.

And Jon was incredibly predatory in this episode: he didn’t need Peter’s statement! He crushed him to extort it, like with Breekon and Manuela! He still pushed to get more afterwards, leading to Peter’s annihilation! … and yeah, One Less Avatar Doing Harm, but it had nothing to do with that or saving Martin. It was pure Eye hunger; and we saw with Daisy and the Section 31 officers that this kind of violence is not written to be perceived as positive (it’s cruelty and violence for the sake of violence, it has nothing to do with fairness or justice). As much as I prefer to see Jon being like this to other avatars rather than to innocents… I’m afraid that it could also mean that he’s going to fall back into hunting people, if Elias’s immediate plans don’t incapacitate him? Who would make sure that he doesn’t? Melanie has left; Daisy is lost; Basira is… we don’t know yet. (And Martin but ;; Martin was too happy, there has to be a trick and he’ll be either stuck back in The Lonely or in the Panopticon or serve as a new body for Jonah, or get killed and trapped in the End book, uh.)

- Something that gets me is how heavily Jon’s journey to The Lonely sounds like his descent into the coffin?

(MAG128, Breekon) “It was waiting. I fed her to it. She took him from me. Made us a me, and she doesn’t get to die for that. She gets to live, trapped, and helpless, and entombed forever. No prey, no hunt, no movement. We failed, but I have at least that comfort. I am without him, now. I. am. I can feel myself fading. Weak. No reason to move. Nothing to deliver. But I am no longer tied to the casket; so you can have it. You can stare at it, knowing how your feral friend suffers, knowing how powerless you are to help. And when you can’t bear it any longer, knowing that you can climb in and join her…”

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I have her voice. I think that should be enough to find her, and I’m leaving my– … I’ll leave it with the tape. I should be able to find my way back to it… I think. Wish me luck…! … Although I suppose if you’re hearing this, then I… I didn’t have any. I don’t know. I’m… I’m scared. [SHORT CHUCKLE] When does the fear go away…? […] It’s okay… I’ve… I’ve got a plan. DAISY: I–is this like all your other plans? ARCHIVIST: It’s fine, I just… I just need to… to find it. DAISY: What? ARCHIVIST: Come on… Come on, where I… DAISY: Jon? ARCHIVIST: … Come on… [STATIC] [SHAKY BREATHING] DAISY: Jon? ARCHIVIST: I know… DAISY: Th–the way out? ARCHIVIST: No… I know where we are! There isn’t no out, not here. This is… this is forever deep below creation. Where the weight of existence bears down… This is The Buried, and we are alive… There isn’t even an up. … Oh god… What have I done! What have I done… […] [STATIC RISING] D–Daisy… DAISY: Uh, I’m, I’m here. ARCHIVIST: I I can… I–It… it’s closer. DAISY: What is? ARCHIVIST: M–my, my… my anchor? My… A–a rib, I can f–, I can fee– … I know the way! [DIGGING SOUNDS] DAISY: Wh–what? H–how– ARCHIVIST: I don’t… It’s like… My mindlink is… it’s stronger…

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from.

(MAG135) ELIAS: I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait. BASIRA: Then you messed up. Way he tells it, he doesn’t know how he got out of there. ELIAS: But he did. And his powers were no small part of it. Even if he required some assistance, they were what saved him. And he’s still achieved what no one – mortal, monster, or anything in-between – has ever been able to. He climbed out of The Buried.

(MAG136) DAISY: Jon… when you went into the coffin. Was it you choosing to do that? Did you actually think you could save me, or was… that something telling you to do it? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: It was me. I was… drawn to it, I’ll admit, but it was my decision. [PAUSE] It wasn’t entirely about you, though. […] If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [DRY CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster. DAISY: That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST: [LOW SELF-DEPRECATIVE DRY LAUGHTER] … Yeah. I suppose it is. DAISY: Did you know the coffin wouldn’t kill you? ARCHIVIST: I– guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t… wouldn’t be as bad as it was. DAISY: [SHAKY SIGH] ARCHIVIST: And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually… endure the result. You might have noticed when I was in there with you, I… I had regrets.

So: warned about the danger of going inside the coffin, fearing it when he was on the verge of doing it, suffering from it once inside; a main motivation to still try was that it was a way to save Daisy; was initially trapped/made to experience what The Buried is about… until Jon’s powers kicked in and he managed to get back to the surface.

Rinse and repeat with The Lonely:

(MAG158) ELIAS: Peter. [PAUSE] It’s time. [SILENCE] PETER: … Fine. MARTIN: Great. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING] Now, perhaps if one of you, then, can tell me what– [SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION REACHING A PEAK, BEFORE DECREASING] ELIAS: It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or… PETER: Oh no. No. I’m not gonna make it easy on him. You haven’t won yet. ELIAS: Your choice. Just make sure to leave the door open. […] ARCHIVIST: … You want me to follow him. ELIAS: No, Jon. You want you to follow him. I simply want you to know that if you do so, you are almost certainly not coming back. To go into The Lonely willingly is as good as death. ARCHIVIST: … How do I do it? ELIAS: [INHALE] Wasn’t too long ago. And I’m sure traces of their passage still remain. Just open your mind. Drink it all in. Know their route, [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION, INCREASING] and simply… follow it. ARCHIVIST: [LOUDER BREATHING] ELIAS: Very good. Are you scared, Jon? ARCHIVIST: Yes… ELIAS: Perfect.

(MAG159) PETER: [DISTORTED] You’ve still got time, Archivist. Turn around, and leave. You’ve played your part; now, go. […] You’re alone, Archivist. The last one standing. I did warn you, I did want you to leave but… perhaps it would be better if you stayed a while. After all, you can’t hurt anyone in here. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: Yes… [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] … Or perhaps you could answer some questions. PETER: [DISTORTED] … What? ARCHIVIST: [STATIC INCREASES] I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can See you now. I can find you wherever you go. […] MARTIN: [FRANTIC BREATHING] I w–I was on my own…! I was all on my own… ARCHIVIST: Not anymore. Come on – let’s go home… MARTIN: How? ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Don’t worry. I know the way.

In both cases, Jon went in to save someone despite his own fears (or because of them), got initially stuck (Buried and made to understand he couldn’t leave it; haunted by Peter who was trying to goad him to stay in the Lonely because of everything he had lost) until… his powers kicked back to the surface, fighting resistances until he could get out of here – in both cases, “I know the way”.

Still unsure over what was his anchor or the thing that actually pulled him out of there – was it his connection to The Eye, through the statements…? Was it truly his rib, though it needed a bit of amplification? Was it specifically his connection to the audio recordings, Web stuff, the lighter? Martin was used to do something, back with the coffin, and given that 1°) Peter and Elias had an ongoing bet relying on Elias’s non-interference, 2°) Peter accused Elias of having interfered in MAG158, so it was a possibility (and put in another perspective the way he asked if Martin had been “compelled” to help Jon in MAG134: he may have suspected it was Elias’s doing), 3°) … Elias apparently can “call” Jon indeed (MAG158: “Ah, Jon. I was almost worried…! You found your way all right.” “Yes. … Ye–yes, I did… How?” “Suffice it to say I called you.”), it’s also possible that it is just Elias calling him back right now… we’ll see, I guess. Are Martin and Jon going to come out surrounded by tape recorders…? …………… or past statement-givers who have been “called” here too…?

- Another point of worry when comparing the coffin and The Lonely trip: what happened after Jon… got out from the coffin.

(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Jess Tyrell, the woman on the tape… [SIGH] She was the fourth. I–I just tried to… I was weak, r–ravenous, I–I didn’t feel… … The first was a supermarket cleaner. Em, ended up lost for a week in an endless warehouse. I didn’t even…! I–I just went in for some shopping, and he was there, and I–I just… asked. The second was, uh, it was after I got… stabbed by Melanie. MELANIE: You are not putting this on me! ARCHIVIST: No, that’s not what I meant! [SIGH] I was walking the streets, I–I thought I was trying to clear my head– DAISY: [DELIBERATE] But you were hunting. ARCHIVIST: … Apparently. I found a woman who… every year on her birthday, wakes up in a fresh grave. Just for her. DAISY: And the third was after the coffin. ARCHIVIST: A man rejected by all who knew him, searching ever-darker places for love. When he told me his story, he started… weeping maggots.

On the one hand: Jon gave in and took Peter’s statement – it should count as “feeding”. On the other hand: he used his powers on him right after (to the point of Peter’s… destruction), used them again with Martin, and may be relying on them again to leave The Lonely. The situation mirrors what happened with the trip against The Dark – taking Manuela’s statement, then using his powers to destroy the Dark Sun – and that one had not left Jon in an amazing state (MAG145: “We’ve been back in London for just over a week, now. I’m… more or less recovered physically.”).

Right when he left, Trevor and Julia had been wrecking havoc in the Institute, Hunting staff members; Basira had pointed out that cases happening in the Institute meant an automatic Section 31, which means there could be Section’d officers full of stories heading there… Which… is extra bad given Jon’s current state…?

- ;; Martin was at his softest and I still can’t believe the sheer relief in his voice, the fact he was getting One Nice Thing… But aouch, the context in itself hurts so much?

Jon taking Peter’s statement had nothing to do with saving Martin, and it was clearly an Eye monster getting what it wanted here:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Yes… [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: [DISTORTED] Yes. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] … Or perhaps you could answer some questions. PETER: [DISTORTED] … What? ARCHIVIST: [STATIC INCREASES] I wouldn’t try to leave if I were you. I can See you now. I can find you wherever you go. [STRONG STATIC] PETER: Fine! It was just a thought. [STATIC DECREASES] So leave. ARCHIVIST: Not before I get some answers. PETER: That’s not going to happen. ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] Tell me your story, Peter Lukas. [STATIC INCREASES] PETER: No…! ARCHIVIST: Tell me! PETER: [GROANING, STRUGGLING] Fine! Fine. […] I’m. Not saying. Another. Word. [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: Tell me, or I will rip it out of you! [STATIC INCREASES] PETER: [STRUGGLING] No…! ARCHIVIST: Answer. My question! PETER: NO! Leave – me – ALONE! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: TELL ME! PETER: [GROANING SCREAM] [RIPPING, EXPLODING SOUND] [STATIC FADES] ARCHIVIST: … Stubborn fool…

Peter was not an innocent, was horrible; although he was indeed born in a bad family, we clearly saw that that doesn’t necessarily mean turning into a monster (his brothers and sisters either didn’t have the personality, or cut ties as soon as they became adults). This is still a lifestyle he chose to embrace, relying on sacrificing innocents?

But even then, it really doesn’t make Jon’s actions heroic and “right” at all: forcing Peter to spill his story, destroying someone who couldn’t do much more damage to him or Martin and whose last words were “Leave me alone” (ffs), and almost shruggingly putting the blame on Peter afterwards. In this episode, although Peter tried to ~seduce~ Jon into The Lonely, the monster clearly was Jon: Jon, who fed The Eye through Peter and got himself fed through Peter’s misery and revealed secrets, and who used Eye powers to destroy Peter. Even if he did some good (?) to Martin, it was still by using the same powers, granted by that Fear god, in the same episode during which Jon broke his hunger strike (“only” three months, from Manuela on the 16th of June, to Peter on the 25th of September)… and that really can’t be good, uh.

(- ;; Also ;; That association of the archives/the institute as Jon’s “home”…

(MAG143) HELEN: Go find your Basira. Then, let’s get you both home. (MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Not anymore. Come on – let’s go home…

Not good ;; Maybe it will turn out that Jon was planning to get Martin out of the institute in that last one, but I doubt it ;;)

(But that switch, with Jon going from “I killed a man because he didn’t want to answer my questions” to “Martin!”:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: … Stubborn fool… [FOOTSTEPS] Martin…! He’s gone, Martin. He is gone. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] His only wish was to die alone. ARCHIVIST: Tough…! Now, listen to me, Martin. Li–listen… MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] Oh, hello, Jon. ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you.

Jon confirmed as a cat, going from murderous to uwu in a few seconds.)

- There were a few things in Peter’s statement which put me in mind of Robert Smirke’s letter:

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I have been blessed with a long life, something few who crossed paths with the Dread Powers can boast, but now… at the end of it, my true fear is that I have wasted it, chasing an impossible dream. […] So many have abandoned us, casting about for rituals that I helped design. In my excited discussions with Mr. Rayner, I… perhaps extrapolated too much from his talk of a “Grand Ritual” of darkness. The Dark, I thought, was simply one of the Powers so, it stands to reason that each of them should have its own ritual. Perhaps they already did, even before I put pen to paper. They certainly do now, and I shudder to think how Lukas, Scott and the others may use this conception.”

(MAG159) PETER: Thinking about it now, perhaps one of the reasons I lasted as long as I did was that I was, at the end of the day, predictable. A “known quantity”. I had my little patch, sending my poor lost sailors to their Forsaken end, but I rarely stepped outside of it. When I think of all those I met who travelled in this secret world we found ourselves in – Gertrude, Simon, Mikaele, even Rayner… there are plenty whose lives might well have been easier with my death, but it was rare that I strayed outside my habits.

It was mostly the overall tone of someone who knows they’re going to die soon, with the statement feeling more like a testament at that moment? But, in Smirke’s case, he was still seeing people (although corrupted) still going on, which quite contrasts with Peter since…

Season 4 really feels like a season clearing up and “concluding” a lot of stories which had been ongoing until now? We learned about so many rituals, and how they weren’t a pressing concern or an ongoing issue for the next decades (Gertrude took care of The Spiral, The Buried, The Flesh, The Lonely; The Slaughter and The Vast have wasted their chance recently, same for (Jon thinks) The Corruption; both Elias and Gertrude had understood that The Dark wouldn’t succeed in 2015; Agnes’s doubts prevented The Desolation’s from happening; team Archives handled The Stranger at the end of season 3; The Hunt, The End and The Web can’t complete their rituals or don’t have any interest in doing so). And at the same time, we also got so many confirmations over reccurring characters’ fates and the circumstances in which they died and got neutralised, at least officially: The Stranger’s minions exploded at the end of season 3 (only leaving Breekon, who was Known by Jon rather forcefully); Gertrude’s hypothesis regarding Tom Haan in MAG130 revealed that we had probably witnessed his ending in MAG030 already (fading away, following his failed ritual); there wasn’t any trick and Maxwell Rayner seemed to have indeed been taken care of in the events related in MAG073 (MAG135, MAG140, MAG143), [Vardan Darvish] had indeed been killed in the events described in MAG109, and Manuela Dominguez, one of the last cultist, was swallowed by Helen’s doors in MAG143; we witnessed a (?) Web avatar’s last moment in MAG136; Agnes Montague indeed organised her assisted suicide in MAG067 (MAG139, MAG145); though still shrouded in mystery, Mikaele Salesa has been (at least officially) dead for years (MAG141); Eric Delano had indeed been dead since the 90s (MAG154); Adelard Dekker died shortly before Gertrude (MAG157), ensuring John Amherst’s confinement and neutralisation for a long time at least. We already knew about Gertrude’s death (we heard her getting shot live in season 4, tho); we heard Leitner’s murder; Gerry Keay stopped living and then actually died when Jon burned his page; Mary Keay had been dead for a few years and Gertrude had burned her page; Jane Prentiss died at the end of season 1; Arthur Nolan’s death was described in MAG055; Diego Molina in MAG012; Raymond Fielding had been taken care of by Agnes in the 70s; Mike Crew was murdered/Buried in MAG091; “Michael” was replaced in MAG102… and now, we can add Peter Lukas to the list of avatars/monsters who are not current concerns anymore.

Who are the recurring figures left and still kicking, at this point? Amongst the old or middle-aged ones: Jared Hopworth (Flesh, turned avatar in 1996, manhandled by Helen at the end of MAG131 but set free), Jude Perry (Desolation, turned avatar in 1991, still kicking though their ritual was neutralised), Trevor Herbert (Hunt, old as balls), Daisy (Hunt, began to deal with the supernatural as a child and formally starting 2002; Trevor and Daisy might be currently destroying each other), “Elias Bouchard” (Beholding, Jonah being more than 200 years old), Simon Fairchild (Vast, a few centuries old, having a blast).

We have a few recent avatars around: Oliver Banks (End, turned in or after 2015), Annabelle Cane (Web, turned in 2010), Helen-the-Distortion (Spiral, took over in 2017), Julia Montauk (embraced The Hunt in Summer 2010), Jon (Beholding, gradually groomed into avatarhood from late 2015 to early 2018), potentially Martin (Beholding-touched Lonely, late 2017 and 2018).

… it really feels like a clean slate? What can there be afterwards, an expansion of that new generation of avatars, or nothing at all…? (We still have The Extinction, and Hill Top Road, and most likely Beholding happening or trying to happen right now… but it really feels like a current cycle has been reaching its end…?

- WorriedAboutElias™ T____T

(MAG135) BASIRA: [DRY SIGH] What was the point? You won’t be getting your ritual off from in here so, what do you need him for? What’s so important you need him stronger?

(MAG158) ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it. […] Peter. [PAUSE] It’s time. […] It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or… PETER: Oh no. No. I’m not gonna make it easy on him. You haven’t won yet. ELIAS: Your choice. Just make sure to leave the door open. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING, REACHING A PEAK, THEN DECREASING AND STOPPING] ELIAS: [LONG, ECHOING, DELIGHTED LAUGHTER] [SELF-CONTENDED SIGH]

(MAG159) PETER: So I suppose that’s probably why I reacted so rashly, trying to rip his victory away. Keep you here. But it looks like I might have underestimated my opponent, once again. ARCHIVIST: … What was his prize? What did he get, if you lost? PETER: Oh, he got you. ARCHIVIST: … I, I don’t understand. PETER: And you won’t. Not from me. I’m done.

… I do love and hate equally both meaning behind that “he got you”: as in, “he fooled you” and “his prize was you”.

Question still open as to what Elias wanted Jon to do exactly, and how he’s now planning to use it. For the second part, given his questions about Jon’s fear, I’d say it was about Jon’s experiencing The Lonely as a fear and/or getting an experience of it through first-hand experience (Jon being afraid of it, Jon picking it apart once inside of it and knowing it intimately); could still be about collecting the statement of a Lonely-worshipper, too, since Elias had been… delighted… right after Peter had decided to make it harder for Jon although his presence wasn’t part of their deal (given how Peter had been played by everyone until now… he could have been fooled about that part too. Elias did mention that “Your choice~”, and the bastard is all about rubbing your own mistakes in your face, even when he engineered everything for you to make that decision).

And now, Jon has known all the Fourteen Fears, got to “to experience them, whether first-hand or through the eyes of others” (MAG092): he has done both, completing the set of getting statements, live or written, from people serving through the sacrifices of innocents or overtaken by a Power, and experiencing direct manifestations:

* Everything about The Eye.

* The Web: Annabelle Cane’s insight into The Web (MAG147) / being controlled by A Guest For Mr. Spider (MAG080).

* The Corruption: Jane Prentiss’s being contaminated by The Hive (MAG032) / The Hive’s worms burrowing themselves into him (MAG039).

* The Spiral: Michael-The-Distortion’s statement (MAG102) / Michael’s and Helen’s corridors (MAG078, MAG079 and MAG143).

* The Desolation: Jude Perry’s statement / his hand burned to a crisp (MAG089).

* The Vast: Mike Crew’s statement / enjoy sky blue from your chair (MAG091).

* The Hunt: Daisy’s statement (MAG061), Trevor&Julia’s statement (MAG109) / hunted by Daisy (MAG091) and Julia (MAG107) (“Do I miss being chased…?”).

* The Stranger: Breekon’s “extracted” statement (MAG128) / got to learn the feeling through the Not!Them in season 2, got to “See” Nikolas (MAG119), the overall Unknowing experience.

* The End: Oliver Banks’s statement (MAG121), bonus Tova McHugh (MAG155) / the whole refusing to die and becoming something else post-explosion (MAG120, MAG121).

* The Slaughter: Melanie’s account (MAG117) (?) / Melanie’s murderous attempts in the second half of season 3 and beginning of season 4, culminating with getting stabbed at the end of MAG125.

* The Flesh: Jared Hopworth’s statement / body twisted and two ribs being taken (MAG131).

* The Buried: Hezekiah Wakely’s statement (MAG152) / going into the coffin and learning what is Too-Close-I-Cannot-Breathe (MAG132).

* The Dark: Manuela Dominguez’s written (MAG135) and live (MAG143) statements / killing the Dark Sun by sight (MAG143).

* The Lonely: Peter Lukas’s statement / going into The Lonely (MAG159).

=> idk if it was misleading, or if yeah, completing the set was the point all along, but if the latter: I hope that Elias minimising The Extinction and not initially factoring it in could bite him in the arse (MAG138: “In my case, while Peter has talked of it before, it is only very recently that I’ve been forced to admit The Extinction is real.”)

Other actors who could do something in MAG160:

* Helen, who’s probably been eating popcorn and enjoying the chaos but… could still do something else to make things a bit worse.

* Annabelle: we know that she has plans for Jon and needed him alive for something (MAG147: “I’ve simply been… watching. I’m sure you understand that. Maybe I’ve occasionally been nudging something here and there to keep you safe, to keep everything on track.” + Oliver went to push Jon to wake up at the request of someone from The Web), and we still don’t know what that is… She could be collaborating with Elias, or she could be planning to stab him last moment, I guess?

* Baaaaaaaaasiiiiiiraaaa: she had left the chaos by the end of MAG158, I don’t think she has many other options than trying to reach the Panopticon herself…? And all season has been about her getting misled and manipulated by Elias, making bad decisions and/or not managing to get any “win”… (=> on the one hand, there is still a knife in the Panopticon near Jonah’s original body and his current one; on the other hand, Basira had also been associated to her search for Annabelle Cane in this second half, insisting to go to Hill Top Road, being told by Elias to drop it, explaining to Jon that she was still trying to find her… So if anything regarding Annabelle happens, I’m kinda expecting it to be through or with Basira.)

(Oooooooorrrr… plain timeskip and we don’t know what happened exactly / only get glimpses and clues thanks to MAG160? MAG158’s summary felt a bit more canon/relevant than usual: “#0182509-A – Original recording of events leading to the disappearances of Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood, Alice Tonner and Peter Lukas.” and we got a B-side with MAG159. That leaves Basira and Elias as people who aren’t perceived as having ~disappeared~ by the time of that summary, so… either dead, or in plain sight.)

MAG160’s title is [REDACTED] and that’s a 16th Fear on its own. Idk. Straightforward “Watcher’s Crown”, terrible Eye Pun, “Anniversary”, “Mr Blackwood-Sims”, surprise!Web title (“Mother”)?? I have no idea, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrg ;; (I wanna hope for a kinda soft, bittersweet ending for this season, allowing us to breathe a bit and enjoy the hiatus before everything ends terribly in season 5? But realistically: it’s prob Watcher’s Crown Time or Extinction emergence time or Web hijacking time and we’ll spend the next months in agony and dread and worry and mourning, uh.)

(Had a dream last night that the episode was delayed and released when I was on my way to get another friend back to my home, so I only came home to witness the early chaos of Aza and other people listening: title was “If I stay long enough to live” (???), and it was mostly dealing with Tessa Winters and Extinction (???). Fun times

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #the magnus archives #tma season 4 #tma liveblog #mag159 #done in time and now it's coming so soon and i'm not reaaaadyyy aaaarrggg #long post/

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