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nagito-kissmaeda · 3 years

Text

Mr. Komaeda’s Lesson

THE FILTH ARRIVES

Summary: You should really proofread your assignments before submitting them... AKA: Professor Komaeda fucks you over his desk (literally my dream) Word count: 4258 Contains: she/her pronouns, explict sexual content, unsafe sex, professor/student relationships, gentle dom nagito (he’s very gentle i swear) Read on AO3 ミ☆ Please send me a DM or an ask if you’d like me to write something for you!

The soothing smell of camomile lemon tea wafts around the small office. The blinds are half open, casting the orange light of the setting sun across the smooth leaves of a peace lily that resides in a pot hanging in front of the heating unit. The warm air rocks it gently back and forth. The atmosphere in the room is light and pleasant, but it does nothing to ease your nerves.

“Do you want some?” Professor Komaeda asks as he pours himself a cup of the aforementioned camomile lemon tea. He has a little teapot sitting on his desk, it’s very cute.

You clear your throat, fidgeting in your seat, “No thank you, I’m fine.”

“Okay, let’s get started then, shall we?”

You’ve been dreading this meeting for weeks now. Your professor had been very insistent that this wouldn’t be a discussion about the quality of your work, but more about what he could do to help you maintain focus in lectures. There was also a brief mention about your most recent assignment, he said that he wasn’t concerned, but did want to run through a few things with you.

He was very polite about it, which makes the true nature of your distraction only more reprehensible.

“So, first I want to start with a simple question. How are you doing?”

“Uh, fine?”

He nods and takes a sip of his tea, “No problems outside of our classes? You don’t need to answer if you aren’t comfortable.”

“No i- uh. I’m fine outside of classes too.” You fidget again, twisting your hands in your lap, “I’ve been...tired? But that’s my fault, I stay up too late.”

He hums thoughtfully and rests his chin on the palm of his hand, “Could that be having an affect on your focus? I can see that you have been distracted in our most recent lectures and just want to make sure it isn’t a fault of myself or my material.” He laughs a little to himself, “I know I can be a little boring sometimes.”

Professor Komaeda is not boring. He’s probably the most engaging lecturer you’ve ever had, passionate about his subject matter and very enthusiastic about class participation. He also wears really tight trousers and has long dexterous fingers that you can't help imagining inside of your-

“I mean, being tired could be the problem?” A bold faced lie.

“Well in that case there isn’t much more I can suggest than a good night's rest.” He gives you a long look that makes you squirm in your seat, “I only graduated a few years ago myself, I understand the urge to make the most of your day, but you can’t keep burning the candle at both ends.” He takes another sip of his tea, a drop misses his mouth and rolls down his chin. He catches it with his thumb, which he then brings up to his lips and sucks. You swallow deeply, tearing your eyes from where his lips are meeting his skin. Your knee starts bouncing. Nerves.

“Would it help if you sat a little closer to the front of the lecture hall?”

It wouldn’t. Especially not on warm days when he loosens his tie and undoes the first three buttons on his shirt. You spent a whole lecture transfixed on the dip of his collarbones once. Not great for your note taking, “maybe I’ll give that a go next week” you say. Another lie.

“Okay, try that out and let me know if it helps.” He gently sets down his teacup and starts working his white hair up into a bun. His fingers are so delicate as he combs through the strands, pulling his hair up and away from his pale throat, exposing the length of it to your hungry eyes-

A noise escapes from your mouth. Almost a whine, but not quite. Professor Komaeda doesn't say anything, but his intense eyes meet yours for just a moment. You clench your thighs together.

“Are you ready to talk about your assignment now?” He asks, picking the teacup again. It’s decorated with sunflowers, almost criminally cute, “No reason to be nervous. I want to make it clear that this matter hasn't had any affect on your grade, just some advice for next time.”

You nod shakily. Despite all of his reassurances, you are still very nervous. Partially because you wanted a good grade, partially because you had worked on that essay day and night with the intention of impressing him. So stupid.

He gives you a pleasant smile and rifles through his desk for a moment, pulling out what you quickly recognise as a printed copy of your essay, “Take a look, i want to see if you can figure it out first.”

“Um...okay…” You skip past the title page and into the meat of the essay, reading through all of your points and making sure there weren't any obvious spelling mistakes. There wasn't anything that you could see, “Sorry...um...what page is it on?”

His teacup clinks when he sets it down again, leaning forward on his elbows and resting his chin on his hands. You can feel your heart fluttering in your chest, your palms are getting sweaty, “It’s on the title page actually. I’m surprised you didn't notice it.”

You shoot him a quizzical look and flip back to the first page. Your stomach plummets.

Titles have never been your thing, summing up an entire essay in just a few words isn’t easy, so you usually use a placeholder right up until you submit it. You remember changing it, you remember triple checking it was changed before you emailed it through. But something must have gone wrong because in big bold capital letters, the title of you assignment reads:

ESSAY SO GOOD PROFESSOR KOMAEDA WILL FUCK ME OVER HIS DESK

Your hands are shaking, the edges of the paper crinkling under your tight grip. You are going to fail...you are going to be expelled...you are going to-

“Ah. I see you’ve realised your mistake, hm?”

Your head shoots up, forgetting for a moment that he is still sitting across from you.

“Professor...I-I’m...obviously I’m…” you can’t get out a goddamn sentence, your mouth has all dried up, “I don’t even...I can’t…”

You are taken aback, when Professor Komaeda giggles. It’s a light little sound, he covers his mouth with a hand, “You are very bold, aren’t you?”

“I….”

“No need to worry, I’m not reporting this to the dean or anything like that. I see no reason to expel you over a silly little mistake like this one.”

“You...You dont want me to drop you class?”

He laughs again, you shrink under the intensity of his green eyes, “I’m not going to make you, no. If the situation isn’t going to make it even harder for you to focus during lectures, you can still come to class. I won't stop you, it is your choice.”

He is being remarkably cavalier about all of this, it’s almost unsettling, but you don't want to drop his class so you can't help being grateful, “Thank you so much, I...I promise i won't do this again.”

Professor Komaeda hums aloud, eyes half lidded as he looks at you from across the desk, “Won’t do what again?” he asks, though honestly its more of a purr, “Won’t think about me fucking you, or wont make the mistake of writing it down?”

Hearing the word fuck drop from that perfect mouth of his sends you into overdrive. Your thighs are clamped so tight together that your legs are shaking, you can feel yourself breathing hard, “I...uh...I....” you swallow, “I won't do...either?”

“There's no need to lie to me.” He breathes, standing up from his chair and rounding the desk. You can feel yourself quivering in his shadow, he towers over you. Your breath catches in your throat when one of his hands makes contact with your chin, slowly lifting your head up until you meet his eyes. His expression is positively hungry, “I want to make something very clear. This is your chance to leave, if you do we will never speak of this again. If you don’t, well…”

All you can do is stare at him, mouth going dry with realisation.

“Your essay was very good, by the way.” He leans down until his nose is almost pressed against yours, you can smell the tea on his breath. You can feel the warmth of his skin, you can count his eyelashes, “Good enough that i’ll fuck you over my desk if you still want me to.”

In a moment of hungry lucidity, you grab him by the tie and tug his lips down to yours. Colliding in a positively ferocious kiss. You feel him laugh against your mouth before he slips his tongue in between your lips and traces your upper row of teeth, his tongue is wet and warm, your thighs are rubbing together as you grow desperate for any sort of friction. Professor Komaeda must be in a similar state, because he grabs you by the waist and tugs you up to your feet. Pressed firmly against him like this, you can feel the evidence of his arousal through his slacks, a moan escapes you when you feel his hips buck.

He laughs again, pulling away from your mouth to press a hot kiss to the side of your throat. You feel his long fingers toying with the hemline of your skirt, slowly slipping up underneath it, “These pretty little things…” he whispers, tugging on the top of your thigh high stocking and releasing it with a snap, “do you wear them for me?”

There’s no point lying anymore. You can’t stop shaking, “I...yes…”

You feel him moan against your skin, sinking his teeth into the join between your neck and shoulder, “Did you really think I wouldn’t take notice? Of the way you undress me with your eyes in class, of these tiny little skirts you started wearing?” He grabs a handful of your ass and you squeal, “you’re so gorgeous. You could have anyone in that class if you wanted, but here you are with me-“ he grinds up against you, cock warm and hard through his slacks, “-I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve this.”

His voice is so soft and gentle, even while he’s palming your ass and grinding his hips against yours, he still talks like he’s giving a lecture on historical literature. It’s hot, how easily he is able to maintain his composure while you are little more than a quivering mess beneath him, but still...you want to see him come undone.

You hear more than feel your knees colliding with the wooden floorboards. Professor Komaeda is unable to give little more than a surprised look before you have his slacks and boxers shoved halfway down his thighs and his cock in your mouth. He lets out a shocked little moan, burying his long fingers into your hair as his hips stutter forward. Now that was the reaction you wanted.

“Oh...ohhhh-“ he whines, slowly moving himself in and out of your mouth as you tease his head with your tongue, “ahh...your mouth feels so good, angel.”

You were not expecting him to call you angel. It’s like a bolt of lightning to your cunt, your hands jump up the dig deep into the meat of his thighs as you moan downright salaciously around his cock.

“I can feel you moaning.” He whispers, “I can’t believe how much you’re enjoying this” you look up at him through your lashes and see his cheeks are red, his perfect lips are swollen from his biting them incessantly. You moan again just from the sight of him, he hisses and his hips cant forward deeper into your mouth, “wow. You...You really like doing this don’t you? Wrapping your perfect soft lips around my filthy cock?”

Filthy? That makes your eyebrows jump. You could always tell that your professor had some sort of inferiority complex, but you didn't realise it was...this intense.

“S’pretty.” You managed to slur around him, “Tastes good.”

He laughs again, it explodes from his mouth and shakes his shoulders. Unbridled, almost wild. He grins down at you, “I’m sure it doesn’t taste as good at you.” He purrs, tucking your hair behind your ear, “get up on the desk.”

Well, you weren’t going to say no to that. You give his cock one last long lick before standing back up from the floor, just before you hoist yourself up on the table, Professor Komaeda grabs you by the wrist, “Panties off, please.”

You feel yourself turn crimson, but dutifully shimmy out of your panties and let them drop to the floor. He smiles at you, hands curling around your waist as he leans into your ear, “that’s my girl.” He whispers, and lifts you up onto his desk. His hands are cold on the bare skin of your thighs peeking out from the top of your stockings, your stomach twists and curls as he slowly edges your legs open, and drops to his knees between them.

“Oh my god…” you squeak, he’s staring up at you with a look that is downright sinful and he doesn’t break eye contact, even when one of those perfect fingers slips inside you, “agh!”

He chuckles warmly, gently thrusting his finger in and out of you, “you’re so wet, angel...I can’t imagine why someone like me is making you so aroused, but I’m not complaining.”

His finger curls inside of you, and your hips jolt, “Mmph! Pro-Professor I-“

He smiles saccharinely as a second finger pushes its way inside you, “Nagito.” He corrects, pressing a hot kiss to the inside of your thigh, “We’re well beyond the need for formality. Don’t you think?” You cover your mouth to muffle a squeal as he adds a third finger. Your knees are wobbling and you can barely breathe, he’s just sitting between your legs and grinning at you, “Now let’s see if you taste as good as i imagine, hm?”

He pulls your clit in between his lips and sucks. You have to bite down on your hand to keep yourself from screaming, “F-Fuck...Nagito...I--hng!”

“It is after hours, you know.” He whispers, you can feel his breath on your cunt and you shiver, “There’s no reason for you to restrain yourself.” He licks your clit again and moans, “Haa...It may be selfish of me, but i want to hear you. If you’ll let me.”

“Oh god-” You hiss out when his tongue starts circling around you, “-keep doing that, and you’ll hear me alright.”

Nagito giggles and peers up at you, “Then I suppose I'll get back to work.” He hoists your thighs over his shoulders, and starts eating you out in earnest. You lean back on your elbows, and watch his soft white hair bob between your thighs as his tongue works it’s magic, he alternates between running the flat of his tongue up the length of you and focussing directly on your clit. Your toes are curling, mouth wide open with a constant stream of moans and whimpers that you have no hope of stopping. It feels so good, you had dreamt about this alone at night in your bed and even in those fantasies it hadn't felt this good.

His fingers slip out of you, but before you even have a chance to complain, they are replaced with his tongue. You moan so loudly that it rumbles through your chest, your hips rise up to meet his mouth and his hands curl around the soft flesh of your thighs, tugging you even closer. He groans. The wet muscle is slowly thrusting in and out of you when he presses down firm on your clit with his thumb, “I--mmph...Nagito m’gonna cum…” your hips are grinding relentlessly up against his face and you can feel your hair sticking to your forehead with sweat.

“Cum for me, angel.” He whispers, thumb rubbing your clit in brutal circles, “I want to feel you squeezing around my tongue.”

You throw your head back in a howl as his tongue slips back inside, the desk rattling with the force of your quivering hips. You can hear the slick sounds his mouth is making against your cunt, the way he is panting and moaning just from the taste of you. The tightness in your stomach grows unbearable, then he curls his tongue upward, and it snaps. You see whiteness behind your eyes, thighs shaking with the intensity of it. You can feel the vibration of Nagito’s moan inside of you and his fingers dig tight into the meat of your thighs. He’s enjoying your orgasm almost as much as you are.

When he finally pulls away from you, the lower half of his face is glistening with your wetness. He gives you a pleased smile, eyes half lidded as he brings his wet fingers up to his mouth and licks them clean, “I knew you would taste good.” He whispers, wiping the mouth with the back of his hand, “Think you can cum again, angel?”

Just watching him suck on his fingers is enough to get you going again, “Yeah, I definitely can.”

He laughs and stands up from the floor. His cock is flushed red and dripping, you suddenly realise he hadn't touched it that whole time, he must be painfully hard at this point. You lick your lips, you can't help it. He follows your line of sight and smiles, “Be a good girl and bend over the desk for me, please.”

You slide down off the desk, ready to follow his orders but quickly stop yourself, “Oh. One second.”

“Hm?”

You grab the teapot from the desk and quickly rest it on the windowsill, “Sorry. That was a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Ah, yes. You’re right.” His hand slips up to your cheek, thumb resting on your lips. He smiles when you pull it into your mouth and suck, “I’ll have to thank you for saving my carpet. Unless you see any other hazards, i would still like to fuck you.”

That word again. It sounds doubly filthy when he says it, the way his lips mold around it is downright sinful. A shaky moan drops from your mouth as you turn around and do as he asks, your breasts are squished up against the sturdy wood, and the desk is a little too tall for you, your feet are dangling just above the floor. You’re shaking with anticpation, and it grows even worse when you feel the warmth of Nagito’s palm caressing your ass, “For my own peace of mind…” he whispers, his other hand running a finger up the length of your sex, “When do you graduate?”

You laugh, “It’s a little late for that, isn't it, Professor?” you feel his hand still on your ass and you clear your throat, “Uh, this is my last semester. A few months.”

He sighs pleasantly, “Ah, that’s good. This has been very fun, though i'm not sure we should do it again.” You feel the head of his cock kiss your entrance and hiss through your teeth, “At least...not for a few months.” You can hear the smirk on his face.

“I’ve waited this long.” You say, grinding backwards into his cock, “I can wait again.”

He leans down until his mouth is right beside your ear, “Good girl.” He whispers, and finally thrusts inside of you. It feels so good, he fills you so well. Your cheek is pressed firmly against the hard wood of the desk and a pathetic little mewl escapes your mouth at the feeling. You cunt already dripping from your last orgasm, you take him so easily, so smoothly. It feels like he is meant to be inside you.

You feel a hand on your lower back, pushing you further down onto the desk and Nagito hisses through his teeth. Pumping slowly and deeply inside of you, like he is savoring it, “You’re doing so well, angel. I--fuck...You’re so warm.” his breathing is laboured, the rhythmic sound of his hips hitting your ass is echoing around the room, “I still can’t believe you’re letting me do this to you. I must be the luckiest man alive.”

“Please...more!” you whine, trying to force him deeper inside of you with the movement of your hips.

Nagito lets out a strangled moan and starts pounding faster, one of his hands slipping down between your legs to circle your clit, you cry out at the extra stimulation, toes curling inside of your shoes. The desk is shaking with the force of his thrusts now, there's a cute little statuette of a frog that falls down to the carpet with a clatter, but he doesn't stop.

“You feel so good, darling...I--I don't think i can-” a groan rips through him and you can feel his thrusts growing sloppier, “-you’re so good for...so perfect...I can't hold--ah ahh” he swallows, “Please, angel, i want to feel you cum again.”

You’re close, mouth raw from panting and moaning, legs going numb from behind suspended in the air. Then, the finger on your clit presses down firm and his cock grinds up against your g-spot. That is all you need, you come unraveling under him, the walls of your cunt clenching impossibly tight around him.

“Ah, yes!” He cries, grabbing your hips and pounding you desperately, relishing in the feeling of your hot, tight cunt. Milking him dry, “Good, girl. So good for me.” Then, he cums, you feel his cock throb deep inside of you as his hips stutter and slow.

It is only now that you are hit with the realisation. You just fucked Professor Komaeda. Holy hell.

All you can do is lay there while he slowly pulls himself out of you. Wincing a little at the wierd feeling of emptyness. You manage to roll yourself over, laying flat on your back with your legs still dangling from the desk. Nagito laughs and presses a kiss to your cheek, “Are you alright?”

You laugh weakly, “We’re going to get in so much trouble.”

“Not if no one finds out.” He tucks some of your hair behinf your ear, “Don’t worry about it, I’m very lucky with this sort of thing.”

“I just dont want you to get in trouble.”

He giggles, “That’s very kind of you, but this was as much my choice as it was yours.” he runs his fingers down your cheek and gives you a gentle kiss on your lips, “I meant what i said, about meeting up again.”

You manage to pull yourself up until you are sitting upright, you give him a sleepy smile, “Yeah, me too. I like you a lot.”

“How very sweet of you to say, angel.” He presses his forehead to yours and tangles your fingers together, “Let’s get you cleaned up now, hm? Can’t have you walking home like that”

To be honest, you aren’t sure you can walk at all.

____________________________

A few months later, you are sitting in the local cafe and applying for some jobs on your laptop. You did well on your final assessments and graduated with flying colours. It’s only a few more days before you need to officially move out of the dorms, and finding a new apartment (along with a job to pay for it) has not been easy so far.

You huff and push your hair back from your face. Your phone pings, and you ignore it. It’s been pinging for the past few minutes and you are not in the mood to check it. The job you are currently applying for made you retype all of the information in your resume even though you just uploaded it, and you are not happy.

The phone pings again and you groan, grabbing it and flipping it over. It looks like it’s just the group chat, as loud as always. As you go to close the message notifications though, you see one from about ten minutes ago that isn't from your group chat. Your heart is racing.

Hello!

I still have your number from when you asked for an assignment extension at the beginning of last semester. I hope you don't mind me using it. It’s been a few months, I'd like to see you again, if you wouldn't mind.

-Nagito

Oh shit. Your heart is beating a rapid tattoo in your chest. You had been so caught up in the job hunt and apartment hunt that you had all but forgotten about...this. You swallow and manage to force your shaky hands to type.

Oh hey!

It’s nice to hear from you. I’m free this weekend if you want to meet up, I still live in the dorms though, so it’ll have to be your place.

It's only about a minute before you get a reply.

Lol! I was thinking we could start with coffee, but I'm not going to lie and say i wasn’t hoping it would end up in my bedroom.

This weekend works for me. I can pick you up around 11?

You smile at your phone, cheeks turning crimson.

Sounds good. I’ll see you then.

You quickly update his contact details in your phone from Professor Komaeda, to Nagito <3.

#komaeda x reader #nagito x reader #komaeda nagito #nagito komaeda #danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa fanfiction #sdr2 #super danganronpa goodbye despair #FILTH

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imagine-that-one-thing · 3 years

Text

Styles. || 15

Authors Note: Hey everyone!! I know it has been a while since I have updated, but I wanted to pop in and say hi, I am back. I intend to do my best to start writing again and to start where I left off at. I have missed Elise and Harry’s story so much, but I needed the break. With that being said, I am back and doing my best to get back to writing their story. Bare with me as it has always been hard for me to end stories, hence why this one is still kicking. I have a strong connection with the story and I just want to keep writing, so here I am. I hope you all love their story as much as I do. Anyway, I hope you are all well and continue to read my work. xx

For previous chapters, click HERE.

First. Book : Styles and Co

Second Book : Styles’ Towers.

Third Book : The Rise Of Glory.

Styles & Co. || Extras.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Wouldn’t It Be nice.

My apartment is quiet as I type away at my laptop, attempting to stay focused on my essay with a pounding headache. I have hardly slept the last few nights, and I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Balancing school and work have proven to be extremely troublesome, but I do not regret my decision one bit to take up Jamie’s proposal. I am incredibly appreciative of the opportunity, even if I manage to get an hour or so of sleep a night.

I landed Jamie the clients and completed the meetings as requested, and successfully redesigned one of the portfolios— it has all been worth it. It will one day pay off to only sleep a few hours.

I massage my temples before the sound of my apartment door opening takes my attention. I turn around immediately, almost plummeting to my feet before nonchalantly recognising it’s Elise and not my worst nightmare. Ever since my father appeared at my apartment that one night, I have been on edge, not to mention I also don’t want Logan coming to my apartment. “Hey,” I half-smile towards her as she closes the door behind her and propels me the apartment keys.

I catch the keys in my hands, “Good to know you’re alive, Harry,” Elise’s commentary takes me by surprise as I kiss her cheek, and she moves away from me.

She’s exasperated.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” I immediately challenge, “What’s with handing me the keys?” I dangle the keys in my hand.

Elise raises her brow and crosses her arms over her chest, “What’s wrong?” Elise scoffs, “Harry, you haven’t spoken to me in two weeks, not sure if we are even together.”

“What? Sweetheart, I called you the other night before I fell asleep.”

Elise shakes her head, “You haven’t called. I got a text from you, but it said my name, and that was all,” Elise responds, showing me her phone, proving that she is, in fact, correct.

Fuckity-fuck-fuck.

“Oh,” I trail off, feeling like a horrible person… “I’m so sorry.”

And the award for worst boyfriend, once again, goes to me. How wonderful. At this point, I may as well keep an honorary speech on hand. Damnit.

“Harry… if you don’t want to be with me—“

“Darling,” I begin, “I thought I called you the other night… I swear I even texted you today when I woke up,” I assure her, clutching my phone from my table and clicking her messages.

The messages are somewhere here. I know there’s some sort of logical explanation. I remember distinctly. I texted her.

My heart drops, and I shake my head, dissatisfied with myself, “I uh… I never hit send… I never realised that the texts I did send never delivered,” I show her my screen of undelivered text messages and a message from this morning I never sent. “I look like an ass.”

Elise snickers and nods her head, “What else is new?” She jokes, and I can’t help but playfully roll my eyes and grin at her. However, she may be joking; deep down, she and I both know that there’s some truth to the joking matter. I’m an ass, and I can openly admit it.

“I know it is no excuse, but I’m dead tired and busy. I wasn’t trying to blow you off or forget you. I genuinely thought I had called and texted you… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“You still want to be with me?”

“I’m sorry you even doubt my intentions. Of course, I do. Not sure you feel the same about me.”

It has never been my intentions for her to have to doubt whether I want to be with her. I want to be with her, one-hundred and ten per cent. She’s the woman I aspire to spend my time with. It’s too early to say this, but I want to spend my life with her. We aren’t ready for marriage, but she is the one I want to come home to every night. She’s the one with who I want to grow and build a life.

“I know you’re tired and swamped, but I did feel like you didn’t want to be with me,” Elise confesses.

I nod my head, considering her feelings and how I may have made it seem like I don’t give a damn. “That’s me just being an ass who is struggling to get everything done. Can I make it up to you?”

“How?” Elise demands.

I can imagine she is tired of hearing whether I can make it up to her. I’m tired of hearing it, too. I sound like a broken record, which isn’t my intent, but I am doing my best. My best isn’t good enough, and I know this, but I will do better. I will do what it takes to make her feel valued. I don’t want her ever to have to question my intentions or love for her.

“Stay the night with me. I’ll go to work and come back at around eight before you have to be up. I’ll bring coffee and breakfast… if you like?” I suggest, unsure of how to make things up to her. Dinner and flowers are too cliche, and I have already promised her that. Right now, all I can do is breakfast, and I physically don’t have time for anything else until the weekend.

Elise nods her head and agrees, “Can you maybe try to remember that I’d like a text or a call, so I know you’re alive?”

“I’ll do my best. I’m sorry, baby, I am,” I step closer and kiss her cheek before giving her a warm hug.

I need to make it up to her, and I need to show her I care and want to be with her. She deserves better than a boyfriend who forgets to press send on a text message. It may not be a big deal to some, it was a genuine mistake, but I feel horrible for not realising I hadn’t spoken to Elise. I feel as though I neglected my duties as a boyfriend to make sure she is okay and feel valued and wanted. It is the small things that can make a difference in a relationship.

Elise hasn’t asked for much; she wants my time and effort, which I will give her to the best of my ability.

❈ ❈ ❈

I feel a tender touch to my shoulders, and I draw myself away from my sleeping state. I open my eyes and groggily glance around. Fuck, I fell asleep on my laptop. “You fell asleep,” Elle informs me, her hand massaging soothing circles on my back.

I nod my head and sigh. I touch my fingers to my temple and rub them slowly, “I have the worst headache, and this is due in an hour,” I gesture towards my computer screen that is only making my headache graver.

“Would you like me to finish it for you?” Elise kindly offers.

“Do you even know what I am writing about?” The words leave my lips without me thinking twice about how they sound.

“Don’t be a condescending ass, Harry,” Elise mutters.

I heavily sigh and nod my head, “I’m sorry. Do you know about this,” I motion towards my laptop that has my composition mostly completed? I am not sure if I am nearly finished or not.

“Harry, I can use the literature as a framework to sum up your essay, unless you don’t trust I have the intelligence to do so?” Elise answers, annoyed with me still.

I do not blame her for being irritated with me, After all, I have unintentionally blown her off, and now I am making her believe she is not intelligent, which was not my purposes. I know she is brilliant. She may not be as into the business world as I am, but she is one hell of a writer. Elise is excellent with essays and literature. “And don’t forget, I have to take business, so I do know the basics,” Elise notifies me, and I bow my head.

“Again, I am sorry, Elle,” I apologise, “Be my guest, have at it,” I move my chair, and Elise rests beside me, immediately beginning to read what I have written.

“For someone who is great at business, you have a lot of errors,” Elisse chuckles, nudging me lightly. I nod my head and hum.

“Business major, not an English major, also wrote that with a headache and no sleep,” I mumble before I rest my arms on the desk and place my head to lean in my arms, closing my eyes and falling in and out of sleep while Elise types away. “Harry,” Elise taps me.

I hum my acknowledgement, “Hey, what is the main conclusion you want to be emphasised?”

“Baby, I don’t care,” I murmur tiredly, “Just write whatever sounds good, just don’t fail me,” I continue.

“Great, so I will conclude on valuation and whether to rely on an algorithm or on an ad-hoc analysis,” Elise confirms.

“Sounds good,” I admit, grappling with concentrating, my eyes stinging and my head spinning. “I trust you, darling,” I drowsily mumble, prompting to rest my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes again and drifting off to sleep.

❈

It isn’t long before I am woken, and it feels like only moments have passed where I was put at ease and managed to get a few moments of relaxation. “Hey, Harry, hey, sweetheart,” Elise gradually and benevolently tears me from my sleep, and I lift my head off her shoulder, brushing my eyes as I attempt to focus on her. “It’s done; you need to just go to bed.”

I groggily come to terms with my surroundings, regarding that Elise has finished my paper, “What time is it? I still have work to do,” I shake my head, remembering the collection of work I need to finish. I need to establish a fundamental algorithm for one of my clients, and I still need to figure out a way to balance Elise’s sister’s portfolio that was due the weekend of her wedding. Still, Jamie put it on hold due to her antics and marriage. With Elouise getting married, there is a chance she could venture to combine assets with her husband, but if he is intelligent, he won’t let her encounter any of his assets. I would not combine anything with her. There is a time and a place to consolidate things, and a new marriage is not the time. They have not established boundaries, nor have they demonstrated the true meaning behind the wedding. I think Elouisa married for money, point-blank.

“It’s one, and we are going to bed. You’re not working yourself to death,” Elise informs me, closing down my emails and shutting my laptop.

“Elle, I have to send it and —“

“I already sent it. You owe me, by the way,” Elise smiles, standing up from her position and taking my hand, dragging me with her.

Elise and I wander towards the hallway, “Add it to my tab,” I chuckle, “Tell ya what… I’ll get breakfast in the morning, and this weekend I’ll take you to a nice dinner,” I inform Elise, aware that she deserves more than what I’ve given her lately. I’m not sure how she hasn’t thrown in the towel and told me to go fuck myself.

“That would be nice,” Elise accepts as we step into my bedroom, and I waste no time taking my shirt off and launching it to the corner. This is the earliest I have managed to crawl into bed, and if it weren’t for Elise, I’d still be awake, perching at my computer and making my headache ten times worse.

“Thank you for finishing my paper,” I grasp a t-shirt from my drawer while Elise draws back the covers of my bed, “I appreciate it,” I assure Elise, handing her a t-shirt for her to wear to bed.

“Ignore me again for a week or two, and I won’t be so nice,” Elise responds, taking the shirt from my hands. I nod my head, and I don’t expect her to be friendly and forgiving when I fuck up and act like an arse. I need to be held accountable. Elise leans up and kisses my cheek before caressing her hands to my chest, “You’re hot.”

“Thanks, but I’m not in the mood for compliments.”

“Moron,” Elise rolls her eyes, “You’re warm,” she caresses her hands to my cheeks, “Your cheeks are flushed.”

“Mhm,” I hum, “I get migraines after a long period with little sleep,” I shrug my shoulders, not too concerned about things, “It happens like once every few months.”

“Has it ever occurred to you to sleep?” Elise challenges with a touch of sass to her tone of voice.

Sleep would be delightful, but I have too much on my plate.

“It has,” I laugh, “But I don’t have enough time for that.”

“How are you not miserable right now?”

“I am,” I respond, “I just know I have to deal with it. Are we going to continue talking about my lack of sleep and terrible migraine, or are we going to sleep for a few hours?” I question, moving to my side of the bed and crawling between my sheets.

In all fairness, I am miserable. I feel like utter shit, my head is pounding, any sort of light burns my eyes, and it feels like I’m just being clobbered with a club.

“A few hours?” Elise seems surprised at my comment.

I only have a few hours to spare, nothing more, nothing less.

I nod my head, “I have work at six, so yes, a few hours.”

“Surely you’re not getting up?”

“I have to, Elle,” I sigh, “I can’t afford not to.”

In all honesty, I don’t want to get up in a few hours, I’d love nothing more than to sleep in and allow my migraine time to dwindle off, but I can’t. The world doesn’t stop because I’m unwell or for any reason. My mother’s bills still necessitate to be paid, meetings still need to take session, and my school work still needs attending. I don’t get sick days. I don’t get to sleep in. It’s nothing against Elise, but I’m not lucky enough to get to have a few additional hours of sleep as she can.

“You’re wearing yourself too thin.”

“I have to.”

“Can’t I help?”

“You have; you finished my paper for me. That’s more than enough.” I smile towards Elise, kissing her, sweetly, “Thank you for your help.” I kiss her again before stepping away and moving to my side of the bed.

It is not Elise’s responsibility to help my situations. These are my problems to deal with, and she has enough to worry about on her own. I do not wish to burden her with my issues, nor do I wish for her to have to deal with anything more than she already needs to. I don’t want to scare her away, and I don’t want to risk letting her help me and then leaving me because it is too much to handle. I can handle things on my own… I think.

❈ ❈ ❈

The drive to Elise’s parent’s house has been nothing but full of anxiety. I have no reason to be anxious, but I am. I haven’t stepped foot back in the house since the weekend I met her parents. Ever since, I have kept all meetings with the parents in public places. The gates to the private estate open, and I drive up the driveway, parking next to Elise’s car before turning my car off. I sit in the driver’s seat, taking a deep breath as I take in my surroundings. One day I will be able to afford such an extravagant house like this, but for now, I will settle with my tiny apartment and non-glamorous lifestyle.

I get out of my car and close the door. I make the short walk along the perfect cobble pathway towards the door. Everything about the estate is immaculate, from the gardens to how the Autumn door wreath sits flawlessly aligned. Although the leaves are shifting to magma-reds, hot-oranges and fever-yellows, not a single leaf is on the ground— the groundskeeper but be astonishing at his job. The barbecue-red leaves hang soundlessly on the trees, and I can't help but glance up and watch in awe, curious as to whether one will fall and wreck the pure aesthetic the Cartier’s have going on. I shake my head and chuckle to myself before walking up the steps. I stand before the double doors and adjust my shirt, making sure my collar is suitable, and my shirt is not creased. I take a breath and knock on the door.

After a few moments, the door opens, “Well, it’s about time you show up,” Conrad, Elise’s dad, comments with a grin, “I thought you were bringing the liquor?” Conrad questions as he opens the door wider and allows me to step into the house.

I shake his hand, “Hello, and no sir, I did not bring the liquor. Next time I will bring you a bottle,” I respond as we shake hands.

I was unaware that it was now customary for me to bring liquor. I shall be prepared for next time. Hopefully, this time, I will not feel as though I do not belong here or that I am not good enough for Elise. Although our last gathering at the house was far from what I had hoped, ever since that day, her parent’s and I have gotten closer and gotten along. Conrad has realised I am not here for the money, and I do not want any special treatment in the business world. I want to make it on my own with my name, not theirs.

“Elise is at the kitchen table, finishing another essay.”

“She has had quite a few to do,” I nod my head.

“While she finishes, care to have a drink with me?”

“Uh, sure,” I agree, following Conrad into the living room and standing by him as he picks up his decanter set and begins to pour a glass.

“Question for you… Would you consider working for me?”

I shake my head, “All due respect, no. You’re my girlfriend's father, and I do not want to make things awkward. I am also quite happy at Jamie’s company.”

“Damnit, Jamie got a good one. Okay, fair… Well, I would like to have lunch with you and talk business one day this week, just to get to know you more.”

“I can do Thursday?” I suggest, “I leave Thursday night to travel with Jamie.”

“I guess that will do,” Conrad nods his head, “Where are you going?”

“We are going to LA.”

“My brother and I need to talk more. I am leaving for LA next week. We could have tag-teamed clients.”

I chuckle and shrug, “That is between the two of you. Do you not worry about competing with each other for clients?”

“No, we have boundaries.” Conrad shakes his head just as Elise wanders in and welcomes me.

She kisses my cheek and beams towards her father, taking a prompt sip of my drink before asking us about our conversation, and of course, rolling her eyes at me when she is told we are discussing business.

❈ ❈ ❈

After a brief moment at Elise’s parent’s house, I was enlightened that we would be setting sail on the River Thames. I had no idea that today's adventures entailed such a journey. I was under the impression it would be a relaxing day at the house— I was mistaken. I did not anticipate spending part of the day on a yacht. I did not know Conrad owned a yacht.

I knew Elise’s family was wealthy, but I did not think they were this prosperous. Elise doesn’t show nor act that she has a very elite lifestyle. She never once mentioned that her father had a yacht. It makes me wonder what the fuck else they have that I have no clue about. After all, Elise has an investment that is almost worth a million dollars— and somehow, she is still asking me for investment help and assistance with the stock market.

“Harry,” Conrad begins as he hands me a glass of some sort of alcohol, “I believe I owe you an apology,” Elise’s Dad begins, taking me by surprise.

I look at him and nod, waiting for him to give me some sort of explanation. I am not sure what he owes me an apology on, but I am willing to listen to him. “I didn’t give you a fair chance when I first met you months ago. I thought you were hanging around for a business opportunity. I know that way of thinking was wrong. I should not have assumed.”

I don’t blame Conrad for not being open to his daughter dating someone who does not come from the same upbringing as she did. I didn’t have a gorgeous house with perfect gardens. I didn’t have the luxuries she had and still has; I grew up with everything I needed and not much more. My mother couldn’t afford luxuries, and she still can’t. One day, I do hope to give my mother the amenities she deserves. I want to be able to fix her house up the way she wants it and buy her a nice car that she doesn’t need to worry about, whether it will break down on her drive to the grocery store. I didn’t grow up anywhere near close to the same lifestyle as Elise, so I understand the judgement on Conrads end. Every father wants the best for their daughter, and I might not have much money or much to offer her materialistically, but I can give her my time and love— I personally think that is better than anything anyone could buy her. One day, I will buy Elise the things she deserves. One day I will buy her the bracelets and the necklaces, all the things women love to receive. But for now, all I can offer Elise is my devoted time and love.

I accept Conrad's apology, “Sir, I want nothing more than to give her all the great things she is used to, but for now… All I have is myself. I can’t give her expensive dinners and diamonds. I can barely get her flowers, I will be honest, but I can give her my time, effort, and love. I care for your daughter a lot… To be honest, I am in love with her,” I begin to speak sentences before thinking about them. Part of me wants to stop sounding so soft, but the other part knows that Conrad needs to know my true intentions with Elise, “I may never be able to afford a yacht like this,” I gesture to the space around us, “And I may be dirt poor, but I will never be the man my father was, and believe me, that means more to me than anything materialistic I could give her. She will never have to worry about whether I love her. She will never have to worry about where her next meal will come from or whether she will be alone… I will put her first, I will put her before myself, and I will treat her the way a lady should be treated.”

Being a man and being the complete opposite of my father is what I strive for in life, aside from being a CEO. I have learnt what a man is and what a man is not. I have learnt the difference between a deadbeat husband and a real husband. I will not be the man my father was; I will worship the ground Elise walks on, and I will do everything in my power to make sure she is taken care of in every way. Like I have said, I might not ever get to give her mansion with the most beautiful art hung on the walls she could imagine, but she will know that every time I walk through that door, that I am coming home to her. Elise knows that I am the one she can call at any hour with any problem, I will always be there for her, and I will support her in all her decisions. I am aware that we may fight and argue over stupid shit. Hell, we will even fight over things that aren’t stupid, but I wouldn’t want to fight with anyone else at the end of the day. We will have our moments where we want to strangle each other. I know the time is coming, and I know there will be times she won’t want to speak to me or times where I have fucked up, but that is the beauty of a relationship— you grow together, and you learn.

I don’t plan to give up when the going is tough. I will not leave her in the dark and call it quits because things might not get any easier for us financially. I may run from many things when it gets tough, I may bury myself in work in school when I don’t want to deal with personal issues, but I will do my best not to run from her— from us.

“You don’t speak of your father. May I ask why?”

I grow withdrawn for a moment, unsure of what to say. I have managed to avoid my father’s issue for most of the relationship with Elise, but I know at some point I will have to tell her a few things. I would much prefer to discuss how Conrad succeeded in his business to the point he owns a yacht and can sail on the River Thames with a skipper and crew. I wonder if he even bought the dock as well that he docks at. I shake my thoughts away, remembering I have been asked a question about my father. “He isn’t in my life.”

“You mentioned that,” Conrad nods.

“My father is not what I would call a man. He is just someone who is a waste of space in society.”

“That’s a bit harsh, Harry.”

I lift my shoulders into a shrug, “All due respect, but that is nothing compared to the things he has done and said to my sister and myself,” I respond, not trying to sound like a prick. I don’t like having conversations about my Father. He is not worth my time or energy. I should have just told them the has is dead. In all fairness, he is dead to me. “He was an alcoholic. I don’t like to get in detail about him.”

Conrad nods his head and respects my decision of not wanting to speak much of my father. Conrad takes a sip of his drink, and I finally do the same, allowing the whiskey to give me a sense of ease. “Elise told me that you had been the one paying to keep your mother’s house?”

I nod my head, “Yes, sir… Mum lost her job and my sister…. Well, she is going through an emotional breakdown and struggling herself,” I admit, unsure of how much detail Elise has told her parents.

“I have a lot of respect for you, Harry.”

“Why?” I curiously ask.

Conrad leans forward and places his drink down at the table, “You are helping your mother and working night and day plus doing your masters, and you have not complained once.”

“I think I have complained,” I shake my head.

“Elise has said otherwise. You’re a genuine and modest gentleman, and you seem to put others first… I respect a man who can do his best to provide and not make excuses.”

I am not sure what to say. If I didn’t go to work and do what I do, my mother and sister would be on the streets. Someone had to step up and do what needed to be done. I would never forgive myself if my mother lost her house. The house may be small in comparison to what Conrad has, but it is still a home. It is the place my sister and I grew up in. It is the place my mother worked hard to maintain to the best of her ability. “I’d do it all over again if I had to,” I shrug, not really in the mindset that this is something that I should be praised for. I don’t need praise for stepping up. I just want my family to be happy and healthy.

“You’re a good man. I see that,” Conrad nods, finally cracking a small smile, “I don’t think I would want my daughter dating anyone else.”

I stifle a laugh and shake my head, “Give it time. I am sure Elise will tell you I am an asshole.”

“We all are assholes at some point. It’s more so common with people like us.”

“People like us?”

“We are businessmen, and we are born to lead and be assertive. Sometimes that crosses over into being an asshole. Do you know how many times my wife has called me every name under the sun? Or how many times she has told me I am being a CEO and need to walk out of the house and adjust my tone before walking back in?” Conrad questions in all seriousness, and I can’t help but chuckle. I can see Elise doing the same thing in the future. “Cathleen does not take my shit, and I don’t think Elise will take it either. She will call you an asshole, and all you can do is learn where the line is drawn between CEO and boyfriend or husband.”

“Elise has already called me an asshole,” I confess, “I deserved it.”

“Half the time, we do deserve it. It’s in our nature, but again, we learn to control it. We better get back to the ladies before they think I have killed you,” Conrad stands to his feet.

I stare at him and raise a brow, “Was that your initial plan, sir?”

“No, but it will be if you call me sir one more time,” Conrad laughs, “My name is Conrad,” Elise’s Dad corrects me, not wanting me to be as formal. I nod my head and stand up, taking my drink with me before we climb the stairs, leaving the cabin area and stepping back out into the crisp air, Conrad and I parting ways and walking to opposite ends of the yacht.

I make my way around the yacht, amazed by how big the fucking thing is. I know this thing had to have cost more than I can imagine. I smile to myself when I see Elise sitting on a blanket at the yacht’s foredeck with a book in her hand. I watch her for a moment as she is clueless to the world around her, her hair is blowing in the breeze of the slow sails, and her eyes are cast on a book with no intentions of looking away. Most people would be taking pictures or drinking on their father’s yacht. Instead, she is content, reading a book on her own and paying no attention to the rest of the world.

I step closer to where she rests, “Elle,” I call her name from her behind, not wanting to startle her as I walk closer. Elise turns to look at me over her shoulder and smiles that gorgeous smiles of hers.

“I see you made it out alive,” Elise chuckles, keeping her finger in place on her book.

“I did,” I nod, “I see you have your nose in a book.”

“I do,” Elise shows me the cover of the book.

I cock my head to the side and look at the title, “Haven’t you read that before?”

Elise nods and hums her response, “And you are rereading it?” I question.

“It is a good book, Harry. Do you have something against the Great Gatsby?” Elise asks, sounding shocked, almost as if I have insulted her but asking if she is rereading it.

I am not the kind of person to read books twice. I read them the first time, watch the movie and then call it a day. I have never been interested in reading something over and over again, just for the fun of it. I know the ending. I know the plot. Why reread it?

I sit down beside her and drape my arm around her as I kiss the top of her head, “Eh, I won’t lie. I found the book boring.”

“How so?”

“It’s a story about elite society.”

“Is that what you got out of the whole book, Harry?” My response does not amuse Elise.

“No, I don’t like how the book was portrayed. Not one of the characters were good. It isn’t like To Kill a Mockingbird where the book manages to display both the good and the evil inside people.”

“It’s the writing style that makes the book so great. It’s the pros.”

“Yeah, not a literary person, love,” I shake my head, “Anyway,” I trail off, “I have to go to LA for work on Thursday,” I finally tell Elise that I have a business meeting in LA that will take most of my time next week.

“Damn it, Harry,” Elise huffs.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Now, who is going to help me study?” Elise chuckles, causing me to roll my eyes at her.

This woman is something else, that is for sure. “Do you keep me around just to help you study?”

Elise shrugs her shoulders and closes her book, “Also for your good looks, but seriously, I need some help with my China and globalism course.”

“I assume you have a test?”

“Indeed,” Elise nods, “Can I get some help?”

“Sure, we can before I leave, or if you want, we can facetime while I am in LA to help?” I offer, unsure of when the best time will be for her to study. “China Globalism is a blast. You will love it,” I sarcastically add, very aware of the fact that Elise will hate the course. She may be knowledgeable,, but this will be the course that tests her in every way. The fucking course broke me at one point, it was a horrible experience, but it has come in handy with Jamie’s clients. However, I do not foresee this course helping Elise. She doesn’t want to get into this side of the business. She doesn’t even want to be in the business world. Elise has a true passion for English. I know she wants to do something with writing and is only pursuing business for her father.

“I already hate it,” Elise mutters, “So, you will be able to help?”

“Of course,” I agree, “I don’t know why you think I won’t help,” I kiss her cheek as she places her book down on the blanket.

Elise looks at me and pushes her hair behind her ear, “I know you’re busy; that’s why.”

“Mhm,” I hum, “I am going to have to go up to my mother’s sometime soon. Would you like to come with me?” I softly offer, not wanting to make the dreaded drive to Chesire on my own. I don’t want to go up there, but I have to. My mother deserves to see me, even if it is for a few moments.

Elise rests her head on my shoulder, “I would love to,” Elise responds cheerfully, far too cheery to be going to Cheshire. I wish I had her happy demeanour about Cheshire, but I cannot. I can’t even attempt to fake it.

My phone goes off, and I reach into my pocket and grab it. I look down at the screen and bite the inside of my cheek when I see ‘Logan’ pop up on my screen.

I don’t want to deal with him, and I thought I made it quite clear that I want nothing to do with the spawn of satan. My hatred for Logan will probably never subside, so we should have minimal contact, but for some reason, like my father, Logan is determined to cause havoc on my life in every single way possible.

I quickly read the text message, much to my bitter distaste, “Harry, I know you didn’t want to hear from me so soon, but if it’s a 999 situation. — Logan”

I place my phone back in my pocket and stare out at the water in an attempt to find my thoughts. A 999 situation with Logan can only really mean one thing. Blood. The last time it was a 999 situation, I had to swallow my hatred towards him and give him blood. I am not sure why he doesn’t just go to our father for it— but I can’t be petty and scoop to the level of declining him what I believe is primary care. I may hate him, and he may be what I consider the worst thing to happen to my life, but I can’t sit back and not help him with this. Ever since his mother passed away, I have been the one to donate blood to him when he needs it. I don’t remember our ages well, but I know that at around sixteen, his mother died, and up until that point, she was the one who would help him when his health got too poor. Now it is up to me. I could be an asshole and refuse to help him. I could tell him to fuck off and go to our father… But what kind of man would I be to deny someone essential health? What kind of man would I be if I didn’t help someone in need? Most of all, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t put my anger and resentment to the side to benefit someone else?

To answer my questions, I would be a selfish prick like my father, and I refuse to be anything like him.

I pull myself back to reality and remind myself that today was meant to be a day of not stressing about things I cannot change or fix. I cannot change the predicaments that happen. I am not in control of them. I am only in control of what I do. When I am done with Elise and her family, I will see what needs to happen with Logan and do what needs to be done.

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inessencedevided · 3 years

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Ah, but what scenes in particular did you enjoy? The wangxian ones in general? Or were there any particular ones that stuck with you?

-the axe cultivator

Oh, ac, I missed some of your question last time didn't I? So sorry. My head is kinda in the clouds these days

There are so many scenes that stuck with me, so I'll make a bullet list and probably still miss some ^^

It's such a small thing but in ep 1 the transition from the tale of how wei wuxian was killed transitions to the tea house via a shit from within sizhui's trea cup as he's pouring tea "onto the camera". It's nothing special but remember loving that shot so much the first time I watched that it was one of the things that kept me watching

Wangxian-wise in the first two episodes, I'd be remiss not to mention that handgrip when wei wuxian plays wangxian to calm wen ning down. Because it goes on ... and on ... and on. When I watched it for the first time I was like "ooohhhh so it's gonna be this kind of gay". You know the endless-longing-stares kind. And now when I rewatch it's just devastating. The last time they saw each other before this scene, they also held onto each others wrists but wei wuxian let go and fell to his death. And here lan zhan is, holding on for minutes and only let's go once jiang cheng threatens wei wuxian. Just ... 💔

i started shipping xiyao from their very furst sxebe together. Those two actors (i try to remeber their names but i always forget them again. My memory is shit when it comes to names :/) really just did want some of that sweet sweet homoerotic tension. Also, their first interaction stand out to me as the moment i really started to like lan xichen. In a setting that was shown early on to be highly hierarchical, he exhibited in the very forst scenes that he is willing to disregard someone's standing and look at their character and abilities instead. I just really love xichen ❤

Okay, i can't name one scene per episode, so let’s sum them up a little

I adore this progression during the cloud recesses and the yin iron arc from a flirtratious rivalry to genuine deep freindship and love. There are so many little moments that stand out because of the subtle acting joices made my wang yibo and xiao zhan, as well as the script, The lantern scene, when Wei Wuxian doesn’t betray the yin iron secret to huaisang and lan wangji goes “hu, so your bullshitting has reasons”, when they are in the market and lan zhan actually communicates that he doesn’t like crowds and wei wuxian pulls him closer but not into the crowd and so many others. When you watch closely, you see them realising little details about each other and I’m honestly so impressed with how amazingly the process of their falling in love was portrayed

fast forward a bit: obviously, the freaking montage quasi-fan vid in the middle of the cave scene set to their freaking love song. I remeber when I first watched this scene I actually, literally screamed. I could not believe it because their was no fucking way that this could be read as anything but romantic and I was not used to that much blatant queer romance!

A little less happy (okay a lot). The entire destruction of the jiang clan with a special mention to the scene when Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian just saw the bodies and run into fields where they fight and Jiang Cheng chokes Wei Wuxian and then they just fall back in exhaustion and sleep right there under the open sky. Everything about that scene was brilliantly done and also soul-crushing. The loss of innosence in that moment devastated me. It was so obvious that in the moment of deepest despair, all of these children’s traumas and deep-seated fears reared their ugly heads. So Jiang Cheng directs all his grief at the easiest target for his anger and Wei Wuxian just takes it because that is what he thinks is his job. And the real tragedy? This dynamic will not be broken until Wei Wuxian’s literal death. These children need therapy so goddamn badly and all they get is more trauma on top of their excisting trauma.

“The single log bridge” scene. I. Am. A. Sucker for the found family trope, especially for characters who cronically think they have to do everything on their own. So there Wei Wuxian is saying he will walk his dark path alone, but instead he finds lit lanterns and a humble feast prepared for him by people who love him. That juxtaposition kils. me. every. time. YOU ARE LOVED WEI WUXIAN! FOR YOURSELF!

(Shout out to the second time his word are refuted, this time by lan wangji and *gasp* verbally. Because there is NO better love declaration than that scene in front of basically every leader of cultivation world who politely wait for their turn to attack them)

Luo Qingyang removing herself from the narrative. I literally cry every time.

Talking about women: jiang yanli defending wei wuxian and calling him her brother. That moment is the "three things all wise men fear" quite incarnat, only it's the anger of a gentle woman

“Let me go” So ... I have SUCH a thing for couple who grapple with questions of when it is time to let go and when it is time to hold on. So Wangxian hits all my buttons. I will go further into this in my last bullet point (about the very last scene)

Oh god, this list is gonna get so long and i’m still going to forget things

In the present timeline:

Again, to sum it up, all the gentle wangxian moment where they look at each other and their entire face grows soft. Every almost-smile lan wangji sends wei wuxian, every "oh. He really loves me huh?"-look from wei wuxian. Especially in the Jingshi just after lan Xichen's loredrop. These two intensly guarded people (yes, wei wuxian is guarded,he just hides behind smiles) are so open with each other. I only have to see a guf of lan wangji with his heir down and I go feral!

Talking about that episode, the lan family backstory as a scene does things to me. And I remember watching that the first time and so much of lan wangji's behaviour suddenly making sense. Especially little lan zhan kneeling in front of his mother’s house and that being how he showed his grief really drove home just how this man exhibits emotion. I'm pretty sure that that was the moment he really became my favourite character.

Same episode and a start juxtaposition to the domestic scene between wangxian before: the talk between lan xichen and Jin Guangyao just afterwards. You could probably write an essay of meta about the parallels and differences between those two scenes and I think that's deliberate because they're back to back. The lan brother's share tea with the person closest to their hearts. One is finally able to open himself fully, the other closes up more than he ever has before with this person. The framing in that scene alone drives that message home, never mind its content. It's heart-wrenching and so well done!

Talking about xiyao: jin guangyao's death for similar reasons. Just ... arrrgh

I'm sure I've missed a ton but thus is already so long so I'll close with my favourite overall: the last scene. The parting and subsequent reunion on the mountaintop. I've stated before why this means so much to me. It is such a reassuring message to me: to have two intensely different people learn to understand and love each other exactly as they are. Being who they are, the occasionally walk different paths. But they don't limit each other. They learn to improve each other by just being there when they are and therefore know and trust that their love will return.

This was mostly cql because you asked for "scenes", but have some honorary novel mentions:

Lan Wangji: "The face says nothing. Listen to the heart-beat." 😭😭😭

The moment when wei wuxian collapses after the second siege and lan sizhui expresses surprise over this, lan wangji says something like "We are all human." I love that moment for many reasons. 1) it's one of the rare direct insights into lan wangji's thoughts. No matter how brief he is here, you don't say something like that just because. 2) and it's significant that he is the one saying it because he, too, is placed on a pedestal. In fact, I think a lot about mdzs boils down to the conflict between the inner self and outer perception and how that dichotomy can be both a deliberate shield (lan zhan being the perfect example) and a curse

I hope you and your axe are having a wonderful day 🥰

#mdzsnetcc #ask #ask game #the untamed #cql #mdzs #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lan xichen #jin guangyao #wangxian #xiyao

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lunasilvermorny · 4 years

Text

So let’s talk about Luna and Liz...

@nikyiscreepy sent me an ask following this post and I thought it’s a good opportunity to finally post about what happened between Luna and Liz.

(Also, thank you for enjoying Luna x Rath content. It’s one of my favorite ships and I love that people feel the same way!)

Anyway, don’t worry, the whole Liz situation has plenty of angst in it too.

So I wrote some dialogues a while back and it sums everything up pretty well.

But before we go there, I want to point something out.

Luna was “the bad guy” in this situation, but she wasn’t malicious. Remember that at the time she was only 14 and still trying to figure out how to handle her polyamorous nature. Writing about a 14 y.o. that has everything figured out is unrealistic, especially when she has so little life experience regarding her love-life at this point.

So... don’t hate Luna for this, that’s the bottom line. Yes, she’s an arse, but she got better.

Anyway, it’s a really long one, so prepare yourself:

------------------------------------------------------------

Year 4.

*Liz caught Luna staring*

Luna: I'm sorry, I swear I'm not a creep. I'm just… I'm sorry.

Liz: You're Penny's friend, right? The one that likes Bowtruckles.

Luna: To be fair, Billywigs were a close second.

Liz: *laughed* Wait, aren't you also-?

Luna: The cursed-vaults girl? Yes.

Liz: -the one that calls Professor Kettleburn "Papa"?

Luna: That's me.

Liz: Why Papa?

Luna: Because he is, that's just an indisputable law of nature.

Liz: *laughed again*

Luna: You have a really cute laugh.

Liz: *blushing* Um, okay. Thanks?

Luna: You don’t really like compliments, do you?

Liz: I'm just not used to it.

Luna: Are you hungry by any chance?

Liz: I was actually planning to go to the library first.

Luna: Come on, I'll go there with you after we grab something to eat.

Luna: So what do you do for fun?

Liz: *shrugged* Scare people away by talking about magical creatures all the time?

Luna: Girl, don't toy with me. I can literally – and yes, I mean literally – talk about creatures for hours.

Liz: Even you'd get bored eventually.

Luna: Seriously, just ask Charlie.

Liz: Oh, I've talked to him earlier. I love his dragons facts.

Luna: We once stayed up all night talking about dragons.

Liz: Really? Hmm... let’s see. What do you think about the mistreatment of fairies?

Luna: Oh, Lizard. You better clear your entire schedule for today, because this is going to take a while.

*A few months later*

Luna: Jeez, you're so damn cute, I can’t take my eyes off of you.

*Liz blushed, frozen in her seat*

Luna: I'm sorry, I did it again, didn’t I? It just slipped.

Liz: No, no. *she cleared her throat* It's fine.

Luna: I don't have a filter when it comes to people I like, yet.

*Liz froze again*

Luna: Just like now. Wow, I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Liz: It's not that…

Luna: Are you sure? Because your face radiates heat more than a burning cooker.

Liz: *cleared her throat again* I'm just…

Luna: Let's just drop it, then. Do you think Papa would be impressed if I prepared an essay about Chimaeras?

Liz: …

Luna: I mean, I already made one about Bowtruckles, so I’m trying to up my game.

Liz: …

Luna: Look, you don’t have to worry. I know we're just friends. I'd never cross the line, I promise.

Liz: *with cracked voice* Maybe… a quiet place…

Luna: Okay. Let's go.

*In the artifact room*

Luna: What's wrong?

Liz: It's just… I never told anyone…

Luna: Oh my god, you were the Chimaera all along!

*This caught Liz off guard and she burst out laughing*

Luna: I know, I'm hilarious.

*Luna stopped smiling when she saw tears coming out of Liz's eyes*

Luna: Hey, hey *she wrapped her arms around her* Liz, what's wrong?

*It took Liz a few minutes to calm down*

Liz: I don't know how to say it.

Luna: Whatever it is, you can tell me.

Liz: I- I know.

Luna: Whenever you're ready. Although, I will resort to stupid jokes in case of a long awkward silence.

*Liz let out a faint laugh and crossed her arms, avoiding Luna's gaze*

Liz: I'm gay.

Luna: …

Liz: I… I'm already weird enough-

Luna: What are you talking about? You're the coolest girl I know. After me, of course.

Liz: I’m serious-

Luna: Me too.

Liz: *looked a bit irritated* Well, not everyone shares your view of me.

Luna: Then they’re morons.

Liz: *shook her head* You don’t know what it’s like.

Luna: I mean… I am bi and I’ve experienced-

Liz: It’s not the same.

Luna: It doesn’t have to be the exact same experience for me to relate.

Liz: You're that cute bi-girl that will probably end up with a guy anyway…

Luna: Rude!

Liz: And even if you don’t, you’re popular enough that people wouldn’t mind. I’m not like that. I’m a freak.

Luna: You’re just feeling a bit self conscious-

Liz: Luna, stop.

Luna: But I don’t care-

Liz: Luna.

Luna: …

Liz: I like you, a lot.

Luna: *smiled* That’s a good thing, Lizard.

*Liz shook her head*

Luna: You know how I feel, why are you acting like it’s a bad thing?

Liz: Because it won’t last. For you, I'm just that nerdy girl that is an easy conquest-

Luna: Lizard!

Liz: That you’d get bored of once you find the right guy-

Luna: LIZARD!

*Liz fell silence*

*Luna looked at her angrily*

Luna: First of all, I'm not just bi for fun. I know exactly how it is to be confused and out of place. At least people will see your sexuality as something valid.

Liz: I didn't mean to offend-

Luna: Second, I don't know if you think I'm that shallow or you're just extremely insecure, but you're not a bloody conquest.

Liz: …

Luna: *in a calmer tone* I get that you’re afraid, but I genuinely like you for who you are.

Liz: I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to attack you. You just wouldn’t understand. I’m getting bullied enough as it is, if people knew I’m gay-

Luna: Then I’d have to curse anyone who gives you a hard time.

Liz: I’m being serious.

Luna: So am I.

Liz: Thanks you, but… for now, it’s enough for me that you’re the only one who knows.

Luna: Fine by me, Lizard.

---

Luna: You know, nothing’s changed.

Liz: Even after everything I’ve said?

Luna: Come on, I can't stay mad at you.

*Luna got closer and stopped only a few cm away from Liz's face*

Luna: I really like you.

*Liz swallowed loudly*

*Luna kissed her softly and after a few seconds, Liz kissed her back*

Barnaby: Luna?

*Liz pulled away in panic*

Barnaby: Liz?

Luna: Puppy, what are you doing here?

Barnaby: We were supposed to study in the library.

Luna: Oh shit, I totally forgot.

Barnaby: Were you two-?

Liz: No!

Luna: Puppy, let's talk outside. *she turned to Liz* I'll be right back.

*Barnaby and Luna left the room*

Barnaby: I thought-

Luna: Puppy, you can't tell anyone, okay? I’m serious. She's still in the closet.

Barnaby: Really? I was sure I saw her sitting on the desk.

Luna: …

Luna: I meant, no one knows she's… you know.

Barnaby: So you were kissing.

Luna: Well, yeah.

*He looked hurt*

Barnaby: Oh.

Luna: What's wrong, Angel?

Barnaby: I was hoping that we…

Luna: Oh, Puppy, it doesn't change anything.

Barnaby: What do you mean?

Luna: I still like you.

Barnaby: But you like Liz too.

Luna: I can like more than one person.

Barnaby: Really? Because I don't like anyone else.

Luna: Come on, girls hit on you all the time.

Barnaby: Yes, but they're not you.

Luna: *sighed* I thought we were on the same page.

Barnaby: I'm not sure, I left my books in the library.

Luna: Look, can we talk about it later? Meet me in Jacob's room after dinner.

Barnaby: Okay.

*They hugged and then he left. When Luna turned to go back to the empty classroom, she saw Liz looking at her*

Liz: I'm sorry, I couldn’t resist... I've heard what you said.

Luna: Sorry about that, everything happened so fast, I didn't have the time to let him know.

Liz: So that's why you're meeting him later?

Luna: Yes, of course. He deserves an explanation.

*Liz looked relieved*

*They kissed again*

Liz: I'm so glad you said that, I thought for a second that you'll choose him over me.

Luna: What?

Liz: I know, I know. My insecurities.

Luna: Why would I choose either of you over the other?

Liz: *her smile faded away* Because we're… I thought…

Luna: What?

Liz: *taking a few steps back* Call me naive, but I thought you kissed me because you wanted to be my girlfriend.

Luna: Oh. Lizard, I thought you knew. I thought everyone knows by now. I'm not interested in a relationship.

Liz: So why did you… why always tell me how much you like me and…?

Luna: Because I do like you.

Liz: But not enough to be my girlfriend.

Luna: No, no. You got it all wrong. It doesn't change the way I feel about you, I just… really like Barnaby too. I was sure that piece of gossip reached everyone by now.

Liz: I'm not really into gossip.

Luna: Damn, I'm sorry. I feel like a total arsehole.

Liz: I knew it… How is this not a conquest?!

Luna: I have real feelings for you.

Liz: I don't think you do.

Luna: Look, I get it, my bad. I should have told you about Barnaby. Lesson learned. Can we just talk about it?

Liz: I think we talked enough.

Luna: Liz, come on.

Liz: Leave me alone. *she ran away*

Luna: Liz! Dammit, Lizard!

--------------------------------------

Okay, there’s a whole lot more to it, but this post is already very long, so if you want to keep going, it’ll be after the “read more” bar.

If you had enough - hope you enjoyed the angst. And remember, Luna got better.

----------------------------------------

Luna: Is it just me or are people giving me weirder looks than usual?

Penny: …

Luna: Hello?

Penny: …

Luna: Who am I talking to, myself?

Penny: You know, I'm not that close with Liz, but everyone can agree she's a very sweet girl.

Luna: I agree.

Penny: That’s why people thought it was weird when she came back to her dorms last night, sobbing.

Luna: Oh, no.

Penny: Oh, yes. Luna Katerina Silver, what did you do?

Luna: That not how you pronounce- never mind.

Penny: Well?

Luna: Well what?

Penny: What did you do?

Luna: I didn't think… I wasn't… How is she now?

Penny: She's fine.

Luna: …

Penny: So?

Luna: I'm not going to tell you, you'll tell it to everyone in the castle.

Penny: Maybe you should tell me, because there are a lot of rumors floating around. Some of them are really nasty.

Luna: I wonder who started them.

Penny: I would never do that to Liz.

Luna: Oh, please.

Penny: Trust me, you want me to spread the truth as fast as possible.

Luna: I can't!

Penny: Why not?

Luna: Because it's not my secret to share!

Penny: You mean that she's gay?

Luna: How did you-?

Penny: You know how.

Luna: But I'm the only one she's told!

Penny: People think you-

Luna: What? Did what? We just kissed! Is that a crime?

Penny: What?! You kissed?!

Luna: Yeah, obviously. That’s why people were being nasty about it, because we’re both girls… Right?

Penny: Who said anything about that?

Luna: It was implied!

Penny: No, people just assumed you made her uncomfortable with your flirting.

Luna: Jesus Christ, Penny. That was a freaking trap!

Penny: I mean, I know she's gay, but most people don't. So you two really kissed?

Luna: You're such a snake!

Penny: Yeah, yeah. So if it was just an innocent kiss, how come it ended up in tears?

Luna: Because… because she might have got the impression that.. we are a couple.

Penny: Oh my god, Luna.

Luna: And then Barnaby walked in and one thing led to another and I told her that I'm interested in both of them.

Penny: Seriously, how can you be so smart yet so dumb at the same time?

Luna: Who doesn't know by now that Barnaby and I are a thing?

Penny: A loner, maybe?

Luna: Jesus, I feel so guilty.

Penny: You should.

Luna: Wow, I must have really screwed up, if you're acting all high and mighty.

Penny: It's bad, Luna. You really hurt her.

Luna: Thank you for reminding me.

Penny: I know you're still figuring it out, but it's not okay to just play with other people's emotions-

Luna: I heard you! Can you stop lecturing me? I told you already that I feel bad!

Penny: Well, you deserve it.

Luna: …

Penny: Maybe this would teach you a lesson.

Luna: Who the fuck are you to talk? You basically did the same thing to me a year ago.

Penny: It was completely different. I wanted a fake kiss, I didn't pretend I'm interested in a relationship with you.

Luna: I wasn't pretending! I really like her!

Penny: Also, you’re emotionally crippled. You must know she deserves better than you.

Luna: I'm not-!

Penny: You are.

Luna: Fuck off.

Penny: Yeah, yeah.

Luna: I mean, it's not my fault, right?

Charlie: …

Luna: Right?

Charlie: I don't think you hurt her on purpose.

Luna: Oh god, not you too.

Charlie: It's Liz, Luna. How could you do this to her?

Luna: Everyone knows about my thing with Barnaby! How was I supposed to know she had no idea?

Charlie: You should have mentioned it, at least.

Luna: Fine, you're right. But why does everyone act like I'm a monster? I wasn't trying to mess this up.

Charlie: Like I've said, I don't think you hurt her on purpose.

Luna: But you think I'm still the arsehole in this situation.

Charlie: You words, not mine… but yes.

Luna: Well? You're not going to say anything? I know you want to.

Rowan: What are you talking about?

Luna: The Liz situation.

Rowan: What Liz situation?

Luna: Really, that's how you want to play it? Fine then, there's nothing to say.

Rowan: Exactly.

Luna: Good.

Rowan: Although-

Luna: Here we go.

Rowan: *sighed* What were you thinking, Luna?

Luna: Thanks for having my back.

Rowan: You made her cry.

Luna: It wasn't intentional!

Rowan: Are you sure?

Luna: What the hell are you implying?

Rowan: I mean, you dumped Bill-

Luna: Because of you, you prick!

Rowan: I never asked you to.

Luna: …

Rowan: Then you string Barnaby along.

Luna: I'm not-!

Rowan: Then you kiss Liz behind Barnaby's back?

Luna: What do you mean behind his back? We're not together!

Rowan: I'm just saying, you're acting like the victim, but you’re the one who created these situations to begin with.

Luna: How can you say that?

Rowan: Just look at the facts.

Luna: Your facts are wrong!

Rowan: My facts are-

Luna: Your facts are wrong!

Rowan: -not wrong. They are not. I always rely on logic-

Luna: You're full of shit.

Rowan: -and reason. Look, you can get mad at me all you want, but you wouldn't have been this emotional if you didn’t think I, at the very least, have a point.

Luna: …

Luna: God, I feel so guilty.

Rowan: See? I'm right.

Luna: What can I do to fix it?

Rowan: Just leave her alone for now.

Luna: But-

Rowan: Seriously, Luna. Leave her alone.

Bill: Hey, what's wrong?

Luna: Haven't you heard the news? Apparently, I'm Satan.

Bill: …

Luna: I'm evil.

Bill: Why?

Luna: You really haven’t heard about what happened with Liz?

Bill: I might have heard something, but I prefer not to listen to rumors.

Luna: Well, you're the only one.

Bill: At least you feel remorse, that means you can’t be that bad.

Luna: Oh, Jesus… Thank you, mate. I really needed to hear that-

Bill: Even if you're not coming off as the best person, either.

Luna: I thought you don't listen to rumors.

Bill: I don’t.

Luna: Fine, let's just change to subject.

*About a week later*

Liz: Hi…

Luna: *surprised* Hi! How are you?

Liz: I'm fine… Mind if I sit here?

Luna: Please!

*Liz sat next to her*

Liz: I know you had a pretty rough week.

Luna: Don't worry about it.

Liz: I didn't say anything, I swear.

Luna: Lizard, seriously. You have nothing to apologize for.

Liz: So I guess my secret is out.

Luna: Fuck, I'm so sorry.

Liz: It's okay. Weirdly enough, people weren't that horrible about it.

Luna: …

Liz: Some girls were mean, but the general approach was surprisingly accepting.

Luna: Who? Was it Merula? Do you want me to punch her?

Liz: *laughed* No, no. She was weirdly supportive. Well, maybe supportive is an exaggeration, but she hasn't made fun of me about it even once and I'm her favorite punching bag.

Luna: Who, then?

Liz: It doesn't matter.

Luna: …

Liz: We're okay. I don't hold anything against you.

Luna: You should. Liz, I feel like such a prick. I should've told you about Barnaby from the start.

Liz: Well… yes.

Luna: So, are we still friends?

Liz: It was starting to get a bit boring in CoMC.

Luna: Right? Even Papa noticed!

Liz: He and I actually had a really good talk.

Luna: Did you, now?

Liz: Don't be jealous.

Luna: Me, jealous? Don’t be ridiculous… But did he mention me or..?

Liz: *laughed* I just wanted to tell you that we're cool. You don't have to hide from me anymore.

Luna: Are you sure?

Liz: Yep. We’re better off as friends, anyway.

Luna: Fair enough.

--------------------------------------------

And now you know.

But their friendship healed and they because very good friends afterward, so at least it ended well.

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #headcanon #luna x liz #luna silver #luna kateřina silver #liz tuttle #hphm year 4

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samiralula01 · 5 years

Text

There’s No Place Like Home

“Go home. Go to your family. Forget what you saw here today.”

Sigh....I don’t even know where to start with this. If you’ve been reading my previous thoughts/theories, you know I was sort of on the loyal!Shibisaki train but I guess I was wrong there. He’s been loyal towards “Master” Yuuta all along. Not the Blood King. But, he is sympathetic towards the other side as we saw this episode.『Ep • 117』

It was nice getting the Shibisaki & Daisuke friendship right though when I said that the quote Katsu spoke to the General was referring to Daisuke.

“Yes, but at what cost? He was your closest ally, Shibisaki. And even after his death, you could’ve easily pardoned yourself from this servitude.” 『Ep • 51』

Shibisaki does not like a lot of people. Heck, he doesn’t like most people. But he did care about Daisuke and I think that’s important. It’s weird that he would have a thing for his younger sister later but I’m just going to ignore that for a moment here.

Shibisaki didn’t even want to harm Daisuke, forget killing him. He told him five times in the space of one episode to go home to his family. Not once or twice, but five times. He knew that all Daisuke ever wanted was to go home since he replaced his father as a decoy when he was young, so this was something that Daisuke would’ve confided in him it seems.

Daisuke has always struck me as a person who valued family above all, but the way the General puts it seems as though Daisuke was homesick. Sure, he put his heart and soul into his duty and country but he wanted nothing more than to just return to his family since he was separated from them. Not only was he close with his sister (we have no knowledge of the relationship he had with his younger brother) but he was quite close to his father as well. The Kihara’s sure are tight-knit, hm? Cute.

By the way, little side thought: How old was Daisuke when he was turned into a decoy?! Mei wasn’t even born yet; although she would probably be born soon since Aiko does look heavily pregnant at this point; and Daisuke couldn’t be that much of an age gap sibling to her, could he? I mean, he looks around 13 in this scene but I didn’t think he was that much older...but Ozuru did mention that he ‘wasn’t of age yet,’ whatever that means. Although coming-of-age ceremonies in Japan [Genpuku 元服] used to be celebrated when boys were 15, girls 13. (Modern times have changed this to 20 years of age for both genders.) So I’ll just roll with that idea for now.

Anyway, I’m not sure where I was headed with that above point(s), it was more just writing out my thoughts on the episode. I’m pretty sure most of y’all follow me for my ridiculous theories and suspicions so I’ll deliver:

Daisuke’s playing a different game from the rest of the cast. In short, that’s my theory summed up nicely in a single sentence.

If Ryusaki had a grudge against Kôzuke that’s one thing and explains why he would be so gosh-darn obsessed with tracking him down. But Shibisaki says this:

“Daisuke was obsessed with tracking him down since Ryusaki had a grudge to settle.” 『Ep • 117』

I know Ryusaki has mentioned on more than once occasion that he looked up to Daisuke as both a mentor and brother-figure and maybe they both felt that way towards each other, but Daisuke had known Ryu for, what? A year or two now? It just feels odd to me that Daisuke would be so obsessed (as well) just for Ryu’s sake.

Originally I thought, okay, maybe this is because Daisuke also had some personal grudges in this himself, what with finding Yuuta and his sister kissing that day and then dragging him off back to the then reigning Blood King...but, it doesn’t seem like that to me anymore.

What’s Daisuke’s beef about anyway? 🤔 I mean Ryusaki’s was originally because he thought Shiori was ‘taken’ by Kôzuke but when he learnt that wasn’t the case, his anger focused on Daisuke’s murder whom he thought Kôzuke was responsible for. And he was out for blood for that.

Daisuke, however. It seemed personal for him too in some way. Or it could have just been his feeling betrayed that one of his closest allies was playing them this whole time?

“I could never forget! I will not let him live!” 『Ep • 117』

I’m not sure why, but I’ve always laughed to myself about that old semi-popular “the Kiharas are royals,” theory that was always sorta floating around this fandom, and I’m not saying I believe it now! But in episode 108 I had this nagging feeling about that conversation between Sanjirou and Ozuru, particularly about his final words:

“--If you dare betray me, I will take much more than just your life...and your legacy.” 『Ep • 108』

The word “Legacy,” has been thrown around a lot in quotations also containing or referring to the Kihara family. The first time I read that chapter, I didn’t think too much into it. I thought that he was referring to Sanjirou’s children as his “legacy,” which would make sense since he took Daisuke and threatened to take Aiko, who was at the time, carrying Mei.

Do any of you remember when I mentioned a while back about when somethings important to the plot, you’ll usually see a ‘shine’ in character’s eyes?

I guess he could be referring to the legacy of the decoy as well, since Ryusaki refers to the role as a “legacy,” as well.

“…and the daughter of a man who unknowingly gave me a legacy.”『Ep • 64』

But that doesn’t quite sit well with me as a final answer. Being a decoy wasn’t solely the Kihara’s legacy, as there were others unrelated who filled the role both before, between and after the father and son respectively.

Maybe we’ll get more information in later chapters for me to build more upon this suspicion since I'm really stuck here. Sanjirou’s no help either since all he speaks on his own pre-decoy life is the one line:

“...I wasn’t always a farmer. When I was a young teen, I was drafted into the Blood King’s army.”『Ep • 107』

But then again, Sanjirou was noted as being a man of “secrets”『Ep • 55』so maybe there’s something else he hasn’t spoken of but who knows?

Anyway, guess Daisuke’s alive now and was the scarred man who helped Ryu, and was also collaborating with Shiori to get Mei back to the palace. Is Daisuke still trying to undermine the Hebi gang? Or is he doing something completely different?

I just realized that Shibisaki was cut off by Mei while he was still explaining.

“...I never meant for any harm to befall him. But...then...”『Ep • 107』

But then, what?! I’m thinking it was Shibisaki who got Daisuke out of that fire, but that would mean he knows that Daisue’s still alive when no one else does. Was he going to tell Mei that?

Siiiiggggggghhhhhhh, I should be studying right now. What am I doing writing this ridiculously long, pointless essay?

#mdcbk #my dear cold-blooded king #mdcbk musings

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inkskinned · 6 years

Text

i have this plan. now, it’s a scientific situation, i think. we have teachers telling people “i don’t want to be armed, that’s a major hazard in a classroom, i want no guns” and people telling teachers “you’d be able to shoot before you got shot.” so i figure - here’s the situation. a little summer camp, or reality show. I genuinely believe people who say that stuff just have no idea how to teach, what it's like in an emergency, or the way that kids respond to surprises. Movies show a lot of cool-in-the-moment heroism that people emulate because they can shoot a can at 20 feet. that’s understandable. the universe makes more sense if we have control over it.

But we get these people, who haven't taught, who don't understand, and we make them teach for a month. at the end of it, if they “win”, they get a big ol’ lump sum. but if these kids don't pass a standardized test, you will be punished with less money. You are in charge of the safety and well-being of these children, which means playing chef, counselor, case worker, and teacher. failure to notice any small situation will also take away money from your winnings.

and i give you a paintgun and i say - at some point, you will have someone break in and “kill” your students. If you do what you said and neutralize the threat, you get money and prove you were right. shoot the wrong person, no money. get shot, no money. plain and simple. you can get fired, the money isn’t guaranteed. you’re expected to act like a real teacher.

And then we let our student actors take over. We let all those small every day emergencies take place: the cliques and the fights and the refusal to listen and realizing your voice can’t be raised any louder and oh, great, he stapled himself to his paper and is that child showing signs of abuse and neglect or is he just going through a phase of not taking showers and having to use your own money to pay for basic things kids need and the after-school meetings and the chaperoning and the staff meeting that ran late again and the papers you haven’t graded yet and you forgot to make lunch and they take it out of your paycheck if you eat there and that one kid who like, always asks to go the bathroom? all the time? but you’re not legally allowed to tell him no and he knows that? and that one student who is flagging behind that you know needs help but remains super distant from you and that other student who you know needs a challenge but is shy about being pressured and that student who writes an essay which is super dark and even though you’ve written tons of dark shit you gotta have “the talk” with them and when six kids get food poisoning at the same time and when half of them seem to erupt in tiny emergencies simultaneously even though you have one body on top of also having to teach and getting help for that student who confesses she gets hit or is pregnant or steals things and you’re now in charge of this, for a month, knowing: at any point, someone is going to start shooting. either outside or in the classroom. at any time.

and i wonder - could you really do it? like, in your dream, in your fantasy, you have this magical situation where everyone is calm, where you know who is coming through the door, where you aren’t distracted by a student throwing up or presenting or asking an inappropriate question. in your hero complex, you aren’t stretched thin, you’re not living off of scraps, and you raise your eyes to somebody and you kill them. it works. i’ll admit that it works in your head, where everything is perfect, your aim is steady, and you never make a mistake.

but in the real life, when you’re living with the stress of any moment it could happen: would you accidentally shoot someone who’s just showing up to class late and dresses in black? when the gloomy scary-paper-writing kid reaches into his backpack, do you shoot him for pulling out his stuffed animal? do you shoot the police officer who is coming to check in on you? do you shoot the principal who likes to do “surprise visits”? do you shoot the kid who likes to prank and was just waiting to surprise you behind the desk? when children are running around and you don’t know who is doing the killing, who do you kill? who do you shoot in the .003 seconds it takes for a bullet to reach you? when kids are sobbing and begging you to throw a chair through the window so they can jump the 3 floors to safety, when they’re laughing as a fear response, when they really need to go to the bathroom in a lockdown, when it’s actually a fire drill not a lockdown but you’re not sure the shooter isn’t outside, when the shouting is actually a class 2 doors down just having a good time, when someone screams bloody murder because a spider!, when kids are fascinated by weapons and are totally okay with taking it from you, when that door opens and it’s that kid you love (you should, you know, love all of them, that’s part of the job too) and your brain is telling you shoot but your heart is too busy thinking why would you - when you’re in the break room and it happens and there’s just running and bullets when you’re not positioned perfectly facing the door because a kid dropped his earring, when you have to watch kids die - could you do it? could you save the day? you’re in charge of getting all 22 of your students quiet into a corner or closet, you’re in charge of making sure they don’t take their things and they don’t try and call 911 too many times and they don’t try and call their parents to say “i’m sorry, i love you, i love you,” because that confession will tell the shooter we’re alive in the classroom, and oh my god you just remembered that one kid who always goes to the bathroom is trapped outside, do you open the door and let him in -- try and aim a gun while doing that. just try it.

and you can, maybe, if you’re navy-seal-trained or police-trained (if we had wanted those professions we would have chosen them, just like we don’t ask cops to be teachers). and maybe, if you’re the right kind of person, if you manage the emergency perfectly: but are you sure you also took perfect care of your students? because the truth is, you can’t constantly be perfectly on your guard. your attention will have to, at some point, be split. in this scenario, you’d know the attack is, at some point, coming. that there is no real danger, that the kids are actors and the guns are paintguns and that this is all for a paycheck, at the end of the day, a little summer fun activity. but you have to do all of this.

and if you think, okay, it doesn’t sound hard. i can do that and pick up a month of easy work, okay! sounds great. we’ll take volunteers in the fall.

but good teachers know. we know there isn’t going to be a perfect, peaceful calm. that students won’t duck out of the way, that you’re probably going to be the furthest person from the door, that you can’t just shoot every person who enters the room. that the stress of it makes you break, because we aren’t trained to survive a war zone. we know.

but hey, for you, it would just be a little reality tv show.

#to be deleted #i feel strongly this will Get Me Into Trouble #i just feel like.... ppl telling teachers ''just learn to be a cop''....#if that's what we would have wanted we would have not wasted money on our masters u idiots

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nothing-personal-my-dear · 6 years

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Spartacus : Vengeance Rewatch - Episode 7: Sacramentum

Sex Scene: there’s like 4 whole scenes in a whorehouse, all the sex is happening here.

“Cock”: 5

“Cunt”: 1

“Kill Them All”:

“Fucking Gaul”: 1

Slow motion Face Punch: 2

Episode Name Dropped by: Glaber

Memorable Death: MARCIA (for my heart), Sedullus (because brains).

Favourite Line: “I rival any fucking man, in all things.”

- I have basically one clear memory of this episode. AGRON IN THAT HOODED CLOAK IN THE RAIN SMIRKING FOR ALL HE’S WORTH! Hot damn, I am excited for that scene!

- Holy shit, Agron is even hotter in this scene than I remembered!!!

- Ahh! Donar helping to free the Germans! I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, you can pry German Donar from my cold dead hands!

- I love me some silent killing.

- GERMAN SPEAKING AGRON GIVES ME SO MANY DAMN FEELS!!!! Seriously, when was the last time he spoke his native language? Does he do it with Donar? Was the last time with Duro? According to history slaves weren’t allowed to speak their native language, so maybe it’s been longer than his captivity. SO MANY FEELS.

- The way Sedullus looks when telling Agron the other guard also speaks German, it almost looks like a test, like he wants Agron to prove himself first.

- SAXA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Lucius kills someone, I’m oddly proud!

- That face slice though.

- Sedullus is just …. He’s the reason Germans are given a bad name, you can see it already.

- LUGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH DAMN, HES SO PRECIOUS! I forgot he spoke English (though really, I’m assuming their speaking latin) in Vengeance, I thought he was mainly all German until WotD.

- “Cock” in German, still counts!

- AGRON’S SMILE! CALLING THE GERMAN’S BROTHER! HE IS SO HAPPY! FUCK!

- OH THIS, THIS I REMEMEBR, AND I FUCKING HATE IT! By “this” I mean Sparty and his jealous suspicions of Agron. Sparty has such a double standard with Crixus and Agron. Crixus is allowed to be the leader of the Gauls with Sparty having basically no say in the matter, but the second Agron wants the same fucking treatment Sparty throws a hissy fit! I’m not trying to be biased, I can see there could be legitimate concers for Sparty with the Germans, as in Agron might separate from the cause and do his own thing with the Germans. BUT, the reason I have such an issue with this whole thing is that Crixus gets to do the same fucking thing BUT HE STILL GETS SPARTACUS’ RESPECT AND LOYALTY! Agron gets none of that, ever. I could write a fucking essay on this subject. To sum up, fuck you Sparty.

- That Eagle is fucking majestic!

- Okay, I have always liked Gallienus, he’s kinda adorable.

- I wonder if Ashur feels a little sorry for what happened to Seppius when he sees Seppia crying. I mean she’s basically still a kid and she has no one, it’s hard not to feel for that.

- Does Gannicus believe Glaber’s speech or does he recognise the propaganda for what it is? In other words, a load of shit.

- Love how all the women around Glaber look empty, depressed, absolutely crushed.

- Poor Thessela, you can see the betrayal in her eyes when Ilithyia lies. Poor baby.

- That crucifixion is pretty intense.

- Okay I’ve been doing a hell of a lot of research on Spartacus (and Ancient Rome in general) but I now know the names of some background characters. Hey there Lydon patrolling the wall ;)

- Crixus looks so damn attractive when sparring with Naevia, I think it’s because he doesn’t look angry when he’s fighting her. He looks calm and focused, it’s very sexy.

- LOOK AT THAT LITTLE SMILE!!!!! CRIXUS IS SO PROUD OF NAEVIA!!!!!

- NASIR AND MIRA FRIENDSHIP!!!! We were robbed!!

- Oh, you can see Mira’s heart breaking. She’s not a fool, she knows Spartacus doesn’t love her.

- Oenomaus and Nasir shaking hands……..WHEN THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO ACTUALLY MET?!?!?!

- Oenomaus should smile more though, it’s so damn beautiful.

- I wanna cry!!!!! Every one is so happy to see Oenomaus, and he’s looking all proud of his children!!!! I NEED SOME TISSUES!

- I seriously cannot get over the amount of love I have for Agron kissing Nasir in front of his kin without any hesitation!!! All the feels man.

- I like that Mira keeps on smiling genuinely when the Germans are brought in. She doesn’t care that she can’t understand them, there is no suspicion in her eyes, she accepts them. Unlike Crixus and Oenomaus.

- Nemetes (you fuck) looks at Sedullus with heart eyes.

- Agron introducing Nasir to the Germans, Nasir smiling and shaking hands with all of them!!! MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS! Nasir feeling more comfortable with the Germans for the simple fact that they are Agron’s kin, it’s fucking beautiful. I just wanna stay in this happy little family without all the drama.

- LUGO PICKS UP NASIR IN A HUGE BEAR HUG WITH SAXA SMILING AT THEM BOTH!!!!! THIS IS THE DAMN FRIENDSHIP I ALWAYS WANTED!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! There was like a split second hint of this threesome in WotD, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WE GOT IT RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!

- “Who will they follow?” SERIOUSLY CRIXUS ALL THE GAULS FOLLOW YOU NOT SPARTY AND YOU KNOW IT. fuck this whole jealously shit.

- “Yes Dominus.” Oh fuck. Oh fuck. That is the most heart breaking, soul shattering thing Lucretia could ever say. fuck. Ashur needs to die all the time.

- Talking about yourself in third person isn’t a sign of sanity Ashur (I will vehemently ignore Lugo’s desire to refer to himself as such, he’s my baby).

- Oh the wig, poor Lucretia. But the red colour had nothing to do with Quintus, it was all about Gaia right?

- How deluded is Ashur, how can he think Lucretia is falling for him, how can he think this is real? He is raping her.

- Holy crap, Ilithyia is actually lying on that chair!! We hardly ever see the Roman’s lying on the chairs in the way they are historically supposed to!

- I may not really like Seppia, but hot damn she is so SO attractive and especially in black. She should always wear her hair down, she’s gorgeous.

- Does Ilithyia at least suspect that Glaber had a hand in Seppius’ murder?

- Glaber has wanted Seppius’ men for fucking ages, but they don’t look like much….

- I killed your leader, I forced you to come here, I conscripted you, I basically fucking own you….now swear your loyalty. -___- Do Romans not understand how to earn loyalty?

- I really love it when Ilithyia isn’t playing games with Lucretia, like she genuinely really cares for her. That little smile, her soft voice. Shipper heart is sailing. (I just wish that Lucretia felt the same dammit)

- Is Lucretia wearing the same dress she wore last episode? Or does she suddenly have 2 navy blue dresses when she’s never worn that colour ever before.

- Seppia’s body slave is an older woman, I really like this idea.

- “I seek vengeance.” –Get in line Seppia.

- The Seppia / Glaber stuff is gross.

- “I now gaze into his eyes and tremble at lurks behind them.”

- Oh gods, Ilithyia and Lucretia talking about the cliff….yikes! But also, I mean it’s basically canon that these two are together right? They basically confess their love every chance they get (in their own fucked up way).

- No one should look that happy with their hand inside an animal carcass pulling out organs. That’s just weird Agron.

- OMG I WANNA CRY HE IS SO HAPPY TO BE SURROUNDED BY KIN!

- Oh fuck shit. You can see the moment Agron gets it, when he realises that Crixus will always be above him in Spartacus’ eyes. He could offer Spartacus Glaber’s head and Sparty would find fault with it. This is the moment when I feel so much for Agron. All he’s ever wanted was for Sparty to trust and respect him, as he trusts and respects Spartacus, but it’s never going to happen.

- “I give you my word.” –THE LOOK ON SPARTACUS’ FACE WHEN AGRON SAYS THIS. FUCK YOU SPARTY!

- Dude I really ship Gannicus and Marcia!

- OMG GANNI ASKED MARCIA TO JOIN HIM!!!!!!!!!!AHH!!!

- Fucking Ashur.

- OMG look at how they clutch at each other, I SHIP IT SO DAMN MUCH! Actually might be the only woman I ship Ganni with!

- Ganni insulting Ashur is a beautiful thing.

- “Gannicus has always been a man of few words.” LUCRETIA LOOKS SO FUCKING AMUSED, I LOVE IT.

- Comparing Ganni to a Phoenix, I can dig it.

- Can I just say that Craig Parker is a phenomenal actor. His voice and his movements are so much darker and slower than they were in s1, it’s like his whole body has switched with Glaber’s darkness. It’s truly amazing. Kudos!

- “Ashur’s talents are of the shadows.”

- Ganni don’t lie, you never stop craving the roar of the crowd.

- Mummy and Daddy talking about the kids, it’s so sweet.

- I’m confused though, now suddenly Sparty is on Agron’s side?!

- “Absent choice,” –those words get to me every time.

- Please stop talking about hypothetical Agron death!

- Seriously Ilithyia totally thought Lucretia was talking about double suicide, AND SHE WAS ALL FOR IT. shit man.

- Also, I super don’t find Lucretia slitting her wrist at all traumatic. Is that what all the blood and gore in this show does to you? I don’t actually mind.

- FUCK. YOU. ASHUR!

- I actually don’t like Oenomaus and Sparty being buddy buddy…and like, just beucase his wife cheated on him suddenly Oenomaus is all for Sparty’s cause?!?! I just feel like there were some conversations missing.

- Oh look how quickly Agron loses his smile when Sparty comes around!

- “I’m glad I risked my life for this lot,” – I love salty Lucius.

- “I tire of hiding like frightened rabbits.” –why is it always the rabbits?

- CRIXUS CALLING AGRON PUP HURTS MY FUCKING SOUL BECAUSE HE USED TO CALL DURO PUP!!!!!!!HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!! AND THEN HE TALKS ABOUT WILD DOGS, WHEN THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE CALL NASIR!!!!!! FUUUUUUCCKKKK!!!! This brings a whole new meaning to hitting below the belt.

- You can really see how hurt Agron is by all this, and I know the leaving early was on purpose and he was being petty but shit man, after all he’s put up with he deserves a moment to act like an idiot. the thing is, is that no one seems to see that he’s grown. He’s not the angry boy he was when he was GRIEVING HIS FUCKING BROTHER WHO WAS HIS FUCKING HEART. He’s healing and growing and genuinely wants to see their people safe and free, but everyone is stuck on him being angry and impulsive when drowning in grief. Give the boy a fucking break.

- Seriously the amount of shit I can spew about Agron is endless.

- MARCIA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- “What would you have me do? Take up offer and turn on those I once called brother?”

- “The whole world has slipped from reason.” –and it just keeps slipping and slipping.

- I love that Lucretia’s plan give all the info for Ganni’s own plan.

- LUGO TAKING ON SEDULLUS! I LOVE IT!

- Fuck me, every time Agron looks so happy at his Germans I get all warm and fuzzy. LET AGRON BE HAPPY!

- OMG NASIR IS SO HAPPY TO SEE AGRON HAPPY! I LOVE IT!

- The wrestling is fucking beautiful, and everyone happy and smiling is beautiful.

- Seriously what is going on with Crixus? He’s super fucking depressed and not even Naevia’s smile is helping. He has his heart back and she is fighting to regain herself, but he had more life in him when she was gone. What gives?

- Lugo is fucking tragic. I love him.

- Lugo making friends with Oenomaus, it’s precious.

- WHY CAN’T THESE PEOPLE JUST GIVE THE GERMANS A FUCKING CHANCE!

- “Would that we were never parted.” – my heart is fluttering.

- Oh my scheming wives.

- It’s like, for one second you actually like Sedullus and it seems like he just wants everyone to get along, BUT THEN THE FUCKER TOUCHES NAEVIA! YOU DEAD BOY!

- Naevia’s fighting face is beautiful.

- I FUCKING LOVE THAT AGRON IS THE ONE TO RUN UP THE SECOND HE NOTICES NAEVIA IS IN TROUBLE!!!!!!

- “Now I fuck the other side of you pretty little face.” –I dunno if I’m just being dumb, but I don’t understand this….like she one has one face, and there’s only one hole of someone’s face you can fuck……I’m so confused.

- Fuck you Crixus for finding it funny that Agron is getting beat up.

- Also, can no one tell that this isn’t a fight for fun??

- I’m sorry but everytime Lugo is on screen I shout “LUGO” in my mind.

- OH WHAT, Nasir has on this super intense (and fucking gorgeous) face when Lugo starts fighting.

- HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM ACTUALLY SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE GOT A FUCKING HISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Okay but in all this tumbling and fighting, what the fuck happened to Agron. One minute he was on the ground under Sedullus, now he disappeared?!

- I love this huge brawl more than anything. BUT I have issue with pairing Mira and Saxa together. They do it because they are both females and it’s a huge feminist thing right? (I ain’t hating on feminism at all here) but Saxa is a fighter with immense skill and Mira is not, at all. She is just learning how to fight, she’s nowhere near the level that Saxa is. It seems stupid to pair them together just because they are both girls. It’s almost an insult to Saxa, she should be fighting someone as skilled as she is.

- Sparty and Oenomaus taking shit down with one hit is everything!

- Despite everything I said about Saxa and Mira fighting, seeing Mira kicking ass is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen! QUEEN MIRA!

- Agron has suddenly materialized from nowhere to fight Sedullus again, okay sure.

- Oh shit, dude right over the fire.

- There is the briefest of seconds were I’m worried for Agron’s life, and clearly so is he!

- Seriously, I get so annoyed with the editing sometimes. One clip, Agron is on his back, next clip he’s on all fours, clip after that he’s on his back again. C’mon people!

- Where is Nasir though? Who did he end up fighting? Did he win? Did he aggravate his wounds?

- That face slicing though is fucking brutal. Holy shit. I remember when I first saw it I had a few moments of “oh that’s gross”, then it was “shit that’s kinds cool”, to “super fake but I appreciate the shot”. Now all I can think is that it’s so fucking extra. SERIOUSLY, Spartacus has no idea why the fight broke out, he honestly has no reason to kill Sedullus but he does it anyways……. I don’t think that’s a good leader, even if it does work in Sparty’s favour.

- Also that brain is a little stupid.

- OH I SEE NASIR, I have no idea who he was fighting though.

- I fucking hate the look Sparty gives Agron. He’s so clearly telling Agron that he is not in charge of the Germans….WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO CRIXUS TOO!!!!

- Aww, Nasir’s all bloody. I’m weirdly proud!

- Also, Sparty’s speech about animals and being brothers ….. the rebels were fighting the German’s too, so is he calling the rebels animals too?

- Fuck, Agron’s speech. I’m not ready for the feels…. THE LOOK OF UTTER SURPIRISE ON SPARTACUS’ FACE WHEN AGRON DECLARES HIS LOYALTY MAKES ME KINDA MAD, Agron has never not been loyal to Sparty, fuck you Sparty.

- Agron basically renouncing his kin for Sparty….it honestly breaks my heart, and not in the good way. CAN’T AGRON JUST HAVE SOME HAPPINESS FOR ONCE!

- Ooohhh I love the way Lugo says “Sedullus”.

- “Lugo follow.” –guys, I seriously love Lugo.

- OH OH IT’S THE BEATING OF WEAPONS THING!!!!! SHIT MAN THE BROTHERHOOD DID THIS TO DURO WHEN HE PROVED HIMSELF AGAINST CRIXUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME SO MANY DURO FEELS! WTF!!!!! I’M SO EMOTIONAL!

- Agron beating his chest, what a sweetie.

- Oooohhhhhh I see you Nemetes! Shit, I never saw him being so hesitant and wary and not actually giving a shit about Spartacus and his cause….i thought this whole Nemetes being a dick was a WotD thing, BUT IT STARTS FROM THE FUCKIGN BEGINNING. Shit man, I feel like there’s so much of this show that I missed.

- Why is Ganni always at a whorehouse.

- Seriously what is with all these blue dresses lately?! BUT LUCRETIA IS A FUCKING GODDESS WALKING THE HALLS WITH THE FLOWY DRESS!

- I don’t even have words for Seppia and Glaber sex.

- I’m smiling so much at how brutal everything is, and seeing Ganni fight always makes me smile.

- “Gannicus has made his decision.” –and in such a beautiful way. I love how he killed Ashur’s guy, it was beautiful and him giving up the Rudis is also beautiful and in this one moment in time I really like Ganni.

- I have the urge to watch GotA now.

- Lucretia should stop scheming with anyone but Ilithyia. All these men she tries to persuade do the exact opposite of what she wants.

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porkchop-ao3 · 6 years

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Hi hi. I've been feeling down lately. Like I'm no ones favorite. Can I have a clingy obsessed Rick?

Thank you for your patience with this! Hope this is okay. I didn’t want to go too far with the obsessive thing in case it got out of character, but I hope you like it! I was inspired by my recent uni work... But this fic by no means reflects the way I work xD

Just over 3k words!

My eyes skimmed across the words on my computer screen as I took a sip of tea, the only break I would allow myself because hey, I needed to stay hydrated. As soon as the mug was out of my hands though, my fingers were back on the keyboard, tapping away and filling the screen with more text. Of course, at this point it was all laughable bullshit; as are most essays when they’re started four hours before the deadline. Every point was being dragged out to entire paragraphs, my evidence was being stretched as much as was acceptable to back me up, I’m pretty sure I’d questioned the meaning of life somewhere three paragraphs ago but I’d made it work. I couldn’t afford to go back and change it now anyway, at least whoever had the pleasure of marking the damn thing would have a good laugh. My lecturers had said that technically there were no right or wrong answers for this particular essay, as long as I could back up what I was saying… Well, there was some kind of evidence for everything I’d said so could they really dispute me?

It was all my fault, though. I’d been drifting off to a peaceful slumber, under the sweet illusion that I was completely done for the semester, when suddenly that five thousand word essay I’d forgotten about drifted into mind and jolted me awake. That was two hours ago, and it was currently four in the morning; just two hours away from the six o'clock deadline for the online submission. I was getting there though, just another two thousand words would do it.

With a stressed sigh, I flicked through the book in front of me, searching the index for keywords, absolutely anything I could use. I just needed a scrap of evidence, a slightly relevant quote, and I’d be good for at least two paragraphs. I laughed aloud when I found something, it was bordering on delerium at this point. I was back on the keyboard then, bashing out my next point, just letting the bullshit part of my brain run with it, barely registering what I was typing. I barely even flinched when the darkened room lit up with green light, I just sighed again, my fingers never pausing.

“Not now, Rick.” I said, narrowing my eyes at the screen, my concentration lapsing momentarily, making me forget my flow.

“Oh, oh wow, th-thanks, that’s really -urrghhh- nice.” Rick slurred behind me, and I knew straight away that he was hammered. I rolled my eyes and read through my last few sentences as I tried to tune him out. “I thought you said you were done, on- on the phone you said y-you were fin-ugh-shed.”

“Yeah, then I remembered this entire essay I had to do.” I murmured, what little I had left of my concentration shattering as I felt the warmth of his presence lean over me to look at the screen. His chest brushed my shoulder and he reached an arm out to lean on the desk, shrouding me in his presence.

“Uhhh, are you high? A-are you even reading what you’re writing right now?” He commented after a moment.

“No. To both of those questions.” I told him, carrying on with the essay despite his quips.

“I thought, urp, you were studying art, not ph-philosophy. That’s some deep shit you’re playing with there, what is your essay even supposed to be on?”

“Please Rick, just let me get on with this. If you’re here to get laid then come back tomorrow. Or in two hours, whatever, I don’t care. Just after this is done.” I grumbled. Rick made a sound of irritation, then straightened up, distancing himself from me. I heard him stumbling around the room, fiddling with stuff I couldn’t see. Then I heard the telltale trickle of liquid on metal as he took a drink from his flask.

“Just wanted to see you, s-sorry I’m such a- such a fucking inconvenience.” He said under his breath. I felt a spark of guilt, then brushed it off just as fast. My work had to come first on this occasion.

“I’ll be done soon.” I said, discarding the book in front of me and replacing it with a different one. Fresh book, fresh evidence.

Rick came back over to my desk, picking up a piece of paper, which I knew to be the essay brief. He then proceeded to flick through some of the other papers on my desk, notes, pictures, plans; all hastily done and probably illegible to anyone but me… and even I struggled to read it.

“S-so you gotta compare these two photographs?” He asked. I nodded, not looking up at the images he was showing me. “You talked about how one was taken by a woman and one was taken by a man? Y-you could, urp, could make somethin’ out of that, right?”

“Probably, toss the idea of feminism around and I could get about six hundred words done. Thanks.” I said, making a quick note of the idea in pencil on the closest piece of paper; the textbook. Rick grabbed a chair from the other side of the room and took a seat next to me, slinging an arm over the back of my chair.

“You wrote the word ‘interesting’ three times in the same sentence, there.” He told me, pointing to the screen. “You could change the third one to impactful, think that’d work.” He murmured, disinterestedly yet focused.

“You’re helping me?” I asked, finally looking at him for the first time since he’d arrived.

“Two heads are better than one.” He shrugged. “Would it help you finish faster?”

“I think so. Hell, I might even pass.” I snorted.

“Alright. Let’s get this done, then we can make out, how’s that sound?” He said distractedly, fiddling with a strand of my hair. I raised a brow at him.

“You’re acting strangely.” I noted. “You’re being… nice.”

“Wh-ugh-at, and I’m a cunt for the other three-hundred-and-sixty-whatever days of the year?” He slurred.

“No! You’re just nicer than usual.” I shrugged, turning back to the screen.

“I miss you.” He told me, his voice so quiet I barely heard it. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder more tightly and pulled me into his side. My eyes widened and I sat there, rigid under the unexpected contact. With the proximity, I could smell the alcohol on him, and was convinced that it was to blame. “I’ve barely seen you for two weeks.” He added, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“All my deadlines…” I trailed off. I didn’t need to explain, he knew.

“Still think you should drop out. School is bad enough, but art school?” He scoffed.

“Hey, it’s another three years I don’t have to worry about starting a proper career.” I told him, twisting to nestle into his chest, essay momentarily forgotten.

“Sure, but is it worth the thousands of dollars?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I sighed and closed my eyes, the fact that it was past four in the morning hit me in the form of sudden fatigue. “Let’s not talk about it.”

Rick’s hand stroked up and down my upper arm, his other hand feeding more alcohol into his mouth. He placed his flask down on my desk then reached for my chin, tilting my head up and kissing me, I responded for a while, leaning into him and enjoying the sensations. I knew I had to stop eventually though, and with a groan I turned my head towards to screen, breaking the kiss. Rick didn’t stop, spreading his kisses over my cheek and temple, down to the side of my neck. I sighed at the attention, but pulled away, turning to face the computer and attempting to get back to work. Rick’s arms encircled my waist, his kisses moving to the back of my neck and the curve of my shoulder, my body tingled and I longed to give him my undivided attention, but the clock was ticking.

“Okay, next point. Feminism.” I said under my breath, trying my very best to ignore what was going on behind me, but Rick wasn’t making it easy for me. His hands found their way to my breasts, squeezing them through my long nightshirt. My nipples hardened against his palms, and I chewed on my bottom lip.

“Remember, there are words other than 'interesting’.” He mumbled into my shoulder, and I snorted, backspacing on the keyboard as he caught me red handed.

“Thank you.” I said, my tone strained. Rick was quiet for another paragraph, silently distracting me with his touch, his persistent kisses egging me on, lighting a fire under me to get this shitty essay done so that I could be with him. I flicked through the book, finding a vague quote about female photographers. Perfect.

“S-sit on my lap, come on.” He whispered to me.

“What? No, I thought you wanted me to finish this quickly.” I laughed, gasping as he slid his hands under my shirt, resting his cool hands on my stomach.

“Come on.” He repeated, pulling me towards him. I gave in, sliding onto his lap, appreciating his little hum of approval as I did. I leaned back against his chest, and surprisingly I found that the rise and fall of his chest helped to focus me, and before I knew it I had another paragraph. I was close to the end; I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and all I needed to do was conclude. I saved the document, just in case, then skim read the entire essay. Sure, it was a fucking trainwreck from start to finish, but it would suffice. I made a mental note of the points I’d made, then made a start on my conclusion.

“Almost there.” I said, biting on my lip as I summed up my essay, pulling it all together to create what I hoped would be a convincing conclusion. A few hundred words later, and it was done, with an hour to spare before the deadline. I was on the low end of the word count guideline, but it would have to do. I checked my references, made sure my bibliography was in order, and loaded up the essay submission page.

“Aren’t you gonna read it back?” Rick asked me, his hands sliding down to my thighs.

“I don’t think it’ll make much difference at this point.” I said, uploading the file. “It’s better than nothing, right? At least I’ve produced an essay.”

“Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He chuckled. I rolled my eyes and clicked 'submit’, immediately closing down the page along with all my other windows, putting the whole ordeal to the back of my mind as I shut the computer down.

“Whatever, it’s done now.” I said, feeling the weight lifting from my shoulders with those words.

“Finally.” Rick said, standing up and forcing me to do the same. He dragged me over to my bed by my wrist and pulled me on top of him as he threw himself down. He kissed me, pushing his tongue past the easily broken seal of my lips, moaning into me. His hands explored my body, feeling me all over like they were starved. “Mm, missed this.” He broke away to tell me, but not for long. He rolled onto his side, grabbing my thigh and hooking it over his hip, putting our groins close together. He ground into me, and I felt his growing erection against my core.

“Rick.” I protested. “This is all you’ve been waiting for?” I asked, irritation clear in my voice. Rick didn’t stop his grinding, groaning quietly.

“Please.” He sounded unusually desperate, and I raised a brow. When I didn’t respond, he slid his hand into my underwear, rolling my clit beneath his fingers in lazy circles. “It’s been so long…”

“It’s been two weeks. I’m tired. I just want to cuddle.” I whined, but that didn’t stop me from effectively riding his hand, tilting my hips into his touch. His fingers moved down, sliding between my slick folds and entering me. I cursed under my breath and clung to his lab coat.

“I want you. Fuck, you’re wet.” He whispered to me, thrusting his fingers, groaning when I tightened around him, my breath catching. “Let me…” he trailed off, his other hand going to his fly, freeing himself from the confines of his pants, he stroked himself as he pleasured me. I gave my approval by pushing his coat from his shoulders and lifting his shirt over his head. He kicked his pants off onto the floor then came close to me, pulling my panties aside.

“Woah, slow down.” I laughed, bracing a hand on his chest. I pulled my nightshirt over my head and tossed it behind me, meanwhile, Rick was pulling my panties down my legs.

“I need to- oh, fuck.” He sighed, staring at my body. He leaned in to kiss me again, a hand on the back of my neck. “How did I go so long without this? Y-you’re like fuckin’… Crack. C’mere.” He urged me closer, thrusting his cock between my legs, letting it slide across my pussy. I wrapped my leg around his hips and nestled closer.

“Do it.” I told him, my words little more than an exhale. I didn’t have to ask him twice, he sunk into me slowly, inch by sweet inch he filled me up. “Oh yes…” I sighed, my eyes falling closed. There was a slight sting, having been a while since we’d done this, but it mingled with the pleasure so nicely.

“Have you touched yourself these last two weeks?” He asked me.

“I’m sorry?” I exclaimed, confused and taken aback by the question.

“I wanna know if- how many times you came without me since the last time we did this.” He said, and I flushed, involuntarily rocking my hips.

“Not even once.” I told him truthfully.

“Mmm, bet you’re sensitive, hmm?” He asked, his fingers returning to my clit as he started moving, rocking into me at a moderate pace that showed little patience. I was grateful for it.

“Yes. I want you to make me cum.” I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck and threading one hand through his hair. He thrust harder, quickening his pace early on and groaning throatily.

“Fuck.” He spat, his free hand clinging to my thigh. I pulsed my muscles around him, feeling shockwaves of pleasure each time, I let my head roll back as I bucked my hips to meet his thrusts, trapping his hand between our bodies. “Ohh god, you’re so gorgeous. So fuckin’ perfect, fuck.”

It turned into desperate, unrefined rutting, but neither of us had the intention of drawing this out. This was needy. Desperate. Purely lust-fueld. I needed release, and I needed to feel Rick cum inside me. I hadn’t realised how much I had needed this, and now that I was getting it, I couldn’t get it fast enough. Rick kissed my throat, leaving sloppy wet marks across the column of my neck, then he bit down on my shoulder. He sucked and licked at me, tasting the salt of my perspiration. His fingers moved purposefully over my clit, rubbing it tight, quick circles that wrung the pleasure out of me effortlessly.

“Cum. I want you to squeeze my- squeeze the cum out of my balls, baby.” He growled, and his words alone sent waves through my body, dizzyingly intense pleasure that pushed me to the edge. “Mmm, feel how wet you are for me, did you miss this?”

“Yes, Rick.” I nodded wildy, hanging off the edge, ready to plummet. With one particularly rough thrust of his hips, I was gone. “Rick!” I called his name loudly, completely forgetting about the thin walls of my dorm room. My pussy throbbed around him, contracting with an orgasm that I could only describe as perfect. It felt like it would go on forever, building with an intensity that made my eyes squeeze shut. I wasn’t even finished when Rick joined me, and I drew his climax into me, welcoming it with a satisfied groan.

We came down together, slowing to a stop and letting our bodies slump against the bed. Rick pulled out of me and proceeded to stroke his softening cock against my opening, smearing his seed in a display of vulgar pride. I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Mmm, look at that.” He commented quietly, spreading my lips with his fingers and watching the mess he was making with interest. I left him to it, closing my eyes and letting the sleepless nights from the previous week catch up with me. Rick pressed a couple of kisses to my forehead, letting out a satisfied sigh. The bed shifted as he got up to leave, and I was momentarily offended, until I heard the bathroom door opening. He returned a moment later with a washcloth, and gently cleaned us up. I hummed appreciatively, pulling him back over to me, he dragged the duvet with him and covered us up.

“So you missed me, hmm?” I said tiredly, a little smile on my face.

“Don’t get any ideas.” He warned, but wrapped his arms around me regardless.

“You love me.” I smirked. The only response I got was an exasperated sigh. I laughed to myself, and tucked my head under his chin. “Goodnight.”

“It’s half past five in the morning.” He commented in amusement. “We might as well start the day at this point.”

“Fuck that. I’m sleeping through till next week.” I said. He grunted, then pecked the top of my head.

“Well done, for getting all your shit finished.” He said, though it sounded like it pained him to say it. I smiled regardless. “Glad to have you back.” He added, punctuating his words with a squeeze of his arms.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez x reader #fanfiction

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #5 (1978)

It seems improbable that this comic book would run for 300 issues.

The United Kingdom has way too much history for such a small island. And being American, I know about 3% of it. I know there were some kings and queens, some named Elizabeth and others named George and then some guy named Oliver who fit in there somehow despite not being a king or queen. I know there are four nationalities that make up the country: Scottish, Irish, Welsh, and the boring one. I know there's a dragon on the Welsh flag and their language has too many consonants, probably because they spent so much time in mines. I know the Scottish only eat deep fried Mars bars. I know the Irish had some troubles because some of the Irish aren't British or something. And I know all the stupid political crap the American Republican party are going to do because they simply follow the Tory playbook a few months to a year after the Tories have pulled some racist bullshit. And it's not just the Tories! Seeing what the centrist Labour party members did to sabotage their own party is simply a window into what our centrist Democrats would love to do to the Leftists (and may have done! But they just haven't been exposed yet like the jerks in the Labour party). Also, and this might not seem like British History so much as a personal experience, I once fist bumped Jimmy Carr after he made a joke about me fucking pigeons. That was only one of the many times he took the piss out of me at the show. But I knew what I was getting into when I purchased front row tickets for Jimmy Carr. All that being said (terribly summed up and horribly accounted), I knew even less when I first read this story at 21. I didn't know the "Pigts" were a pun on "Picts." I just thought it was a stupid name for a loin cloth wearing tribe of people named after breakfast foods. That was good enough for me! But maybe this issue will be even funnier if I read the Wikipedia entry on Picts! Or scan the entry, at least. Or, at the very least and the most probable option, click on the link, read a few sentences, and realize I don't really care that much. I should probably read more non-fiction so that I actually know things about the world rather than reading another Lando Calrissian book until I know all the rules to Sabacc. In "A Note from the Publisher," Deni Loubert explains how this issue of Cerebus caused a lot of stress between the publisher and the artist due to money concerns. But in the end, Deni put in a lot of her money and solved the problem. I guess one of the few things Dave found possible to believe before breakfast was that his spouse would support him both financially and emotionally while he pursued his dreams. Dave's Swords of Cerebus essay went on for more than one page in its original printing and whoever reprinted it here forgot that there were a few extra paragraphs. So it's reprinted incomplete. That's okay because the bulk of it is about all the shortcuts he takes in drawing rain and shadows and how it's evident, as you progress through the story, how much sloppier and lazier his art becomes. But at the end, Dave Sim supplies a Gil Kane quote which made him think long and hard about how he was developing the story of Cerebus. I'd like to scan the quote but it's cut off halfway through because, as I said, somebody forgot the second page of the essay. Luckily I just happen to own the second volume of Swords of Cerebus, so I'll just type it out in a block quote.

"The difference between a comic book and a novel is not labor, not effort, it's the values. In other words, there are no meaningful values in a comic book. The people in comic books are two dimensional people going through the most elementary kind of situations, not enough to sustain anybody's interest beyond an adolescent. A novel has characterization, it has suspense, it has a structured situation full of substantial values that will hold the interest of an intelligent person. That's what I mean. Those values, if they're properly translated — Harvey Kurtzman translated them into comics. His comics were literate, they were intelligent, they were humane, they were interesting, they were funny, they were everything."

There's a second paragraph to the quote but it just brings up more inaccurate things that can be debated ad nauseam. I could argue with a lot of what Gil Kane says but he sort of argues my point at the end anyway with his discussion of Harvey Kurtzman. Basically, it depends on the author and what the author wants to bring to the comic book. Sure, characterization of a character that isn't really supposed to change much because the fans want what the fans have been getting (Batman, for instance) can be tough to pull off. But Gil Kane gets at my main problem with comic book fans who follow characters, buying any story their favorite is a part of: the characterization and story are entirely dependent on the current writer. And some writers just don't fucking care about anything except shitting out another script so they get paid. You'll find a lot of good examples of those kinds of writers in the beginning years of DC's The New 52 as they pretty much hired all of the worst writers from Marvel to launch some of their New 52 titles. Comic books make it easy for writers to write two dimensional characters and be satisfied with the garbage they produce. Fans just want another Batman story. Just stick Harley Quinn in there and it'll sell fifty thousand copies easy. Who cares who writes it as long as they always make their deadline. But that's not a flaw of the medium of comic books! That's a flaw of the writers and/or fans! The main takeaway with the Gil Kane quote is that it was nice that Dave Sim read it and thought about it and applied it to Cerebus. Maybe, at later points, he applies it too much! But if it got Dave to thinking about a larger story and a greater world chock full of characters with different ideologies and beliefs and motivations, I'll allow it to exist without being too hard on it. That's a lot of words. I need to shove a picture in here already.

This is what Page One of a Cerebus comic book looked like before Gerhard. "Pretty fucking awesome," you curse like a sailor. Later, by page four when the horizon has disappeared and the rain is simply ruler-straight vertical lines, you'll be thinking, "When the fuck does Dave hire Gerhard?"

Cerebus has found himself in the Red Marches where he's about to learn a little something about Cerebus from a bunch of long haired shirtless dudes. It's almost like when I was 17 at my first Iron Maiden show surrounded by sweaty shirtless men while I listened to Iron Maiden sing "Sun and Steel" and I thought, "Is this history?" Then later they sang "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" and I was all, "I am learning!" I'm so glad I'm writing on the Internet so I don't have to hear anybody say, "What are you talking about? How are those two things alike, you moron?!" Besides, I said it was "almost" like, imaginary jerkos! The nearly naked men convince Cerebus to follow them back to their underground kingdom so he can meet Bran Mak Mufin, the greatest military leader in all of Estarcion. Plus he has an aardvark fetish so he's really going to want to meet Cerebus, no matter how badly Cerebus smells. See, the joke in this issue (which Dave mentions at the beginning of the essay I didn't scan) is that Cerebus' fur smells terrible when it gets wet. It's pretty funny if you think about how bad that could be! Like, really bad! Ha ha!

If he's so fucking great, why is he only the penultimate swordsman? My guess is because of Cerebus!

Look at that rain! That's the rain of an artist who doesn't fucking give a shit! When the fuck does Dave hire Gerhard? Bran Mak Mufin takes one look at Cerebus and has the kind of orgasm you have when you realize the prophecy has finally been fulfilled. Man, those are the best orgasms.

We could use a few good Pigts these days.

I'd forgotten this aspect of the Pigts. One thing I do remember is that Bran Mak Mufin was my favorite member of Cerebus's cabinet as Prime Minister. Wasn't he the only one to ever try to do the right thing? And doesn't he eventually walk away because of how terrible they're all acting? Or does he only finally leave when he believes they're going to be defeated, thus exposing the weakness of his own faith? Bran mentions the Black Tower Empire which, I'm assuming, is an empire which first caused the Black Tower to ascend, something Cerebus will manage later. We learn Cerebus is 26 which probably made me feel good when I first read this in that way you feel youthfully immortal when the protagonist of the story is older than you. Now I'm twenty years older than that and I can tell you the feeling is best described as enervating. Bran Mak Mufin offers to let Cerebus rest so they can talk refreshed in the morning. While trying to sleep, Cerebus hears some strange noises and heads off to investigate.

Notice the Cerebus-shaped heads on the walls. The Chosen One is about to discover he's the protagonist of this story.

I know there's a shot of a huge aadvark statue coming up that I could have scanned instead. I'm working my way up to that revelation! Cerebus spies on a large gathering of Pigts (no more than fifty since that's the size of Bran's army) to learn that he's the reincarnation of some ancient God-King worshiped by the Pigts. The prophecy even says that he will come to them in his 26th year! Holy smokes! You couldn't write this kind of prophecy! For a moment, Cerebus is tempted to assume the role of the Pigts' Redeemer God. I guess this is his "last temptation" moment. But his narcissism wins out over his greed. He would rather be Cerebus the Unique than Cerebus the Guy Who's Just Another Version of that Other Long Dead Guy. He smashes the statue that I forgot to mention and flees the Pigts' nonsense, heading towards Iest. Nothing to say about Aardvark Comment. Just some aardvark lovers getting their aardvark love on. It was embarrassing. Cerebus #5 Rating: B+. This issue is the first to give an inkling of something bigger happening across a longer story. It's still before Dave Sim decided he was going for 300 issues dedicated to the growth of the titular beast. But any time you can make the scope of the protagonist's world bigger, it makes for a more compelling story. I'm definitely more compelled after this issue!

#Dave Sim #Cerebus

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itsjulissamtz-blog · 6 years

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Moment Of Impact Essay

Julissa Martinez

Ms. Janel Spencer

Writing 101S

19 February 2018

Moments of Impact

“Moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is, each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced, with all the people we’ve ever known. It is these moments that become our history, like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our mind, over and over again. A moment of total, physical, mental and every other kind of love. So that is my theory, that these moments of impact define who we are”.- The Vow

My moment of impact was when my grandfather suddenly passed away the summer before my junior year of high school. Growing up I was always very close to my grandfather and grandmother although they lived in Mexico; every single summer my siblings and I would go to Mexico as soon as school was over and spent it with them those were without a doubt some of the best days of my life. For as long as I can remember my grandfather had always been sick diabetes and it’s complications made him terribly ill, as I grew older I started helping take care of him by making sure he took his medication, insulin shot and was eating right. I found that I enjoyed caring for him as well as others; when he had to be hospitalized I was often the one who stayed with him I remember him and his nurses would joke that I was trying to take their job, I even had a nurse say to me that it seemed I was born to care for others, a “natural’, she called me. It was then that I became serious about the idea of having a career in the medical field, I had spent enough time in the hospital to know that I liked its environment and being a nurse sounded right to me.

My sophomore year is when I heard about JTED a program that gives you a headstart in your career. You could choose from healthcare, law, cosmetology, culinary and many other careers, I decided to apply for the healthcare program hoping it would help me figure out what exactly I was getting myself into. Once I got accepted, I remember laying down with my grandpa in his room and running my hand through his soft gray hair, one of his favorite things and telling him all about it. He told me how proud of me he was, how excited he was to see me go after my dreams and that there was no doubt I would succeed being a nurse, and I remember saying, “It's all because and for you”.

Once in JTED I met amazing instructors, many who had been nurses prior to teaching. I remember the passion and emotion they used when they talked about nursing and that was all I needed to decide that that’s what I wanted to do forever. I remember becoming obsessed with the idea of saving lives; I mean, I had helped nurse my grandfather back to health I couldn't wait to help other people. My moment of impact was on it’s way the summer before my junior year, things took a turn for the worst; my grandfather was once again in the hospital but this time it was more serious. We discovered that his organs, his heart especially, were starting to shut down and there wasn’t anything that we could do that wouldn’t risk his life.

But after talking with doctors it was decided that he would undergo surgery, Although this may sound naive, I had never thought of him passing away, Even the idea of it sounded crazy. I saw him in the morning the day he passed I went to say goodbye because it was my cousins sweet 16; the plan was to return after the party to see him after his surgery. His voice I remember was a whisper, his big blue eyes looked sad, but he seemed to have this peaceful expression. I remember telling him my grandma was ok and we would all be waiting for him he nodded his head a little. He grabbed my hand, gave it a squeeze, and said, “I’ll always be here” while pointing at his heart, a ritual we would do when my siblings and I would have to leave him and my grandma in Mexico to come back to school. And then I left not knowing until later that he was saying goodbye to me and this time it would be forever.

When I found out he passed away I was still at my cousin’s sweet 16, that whole night replays in my mind over and over again a family friend invited me to dance to try to cheer me up. While dancing we were talking about my grandfather I told him things weren't looking good I remember him saying “ It’s sad Julissa but that's life, it might be time to let go” I didn't even get the chance to respond when I was suddenly pulled from him I came face to face with my aunt and she kept repeating the words “Your grandpa got sick”. I remember looking for my parents when I didn’t find them I ran outside where I saw my dad, mom, and sister hugging and crying no words were needed I knew he was gone.

I felt as though I had been lied to because here I was going for a career in which I thought I’d be able to save people and the one person I’m doing it for is no longer here. The nurses and doctors couldn’t save him. It was hard to get over and in reality I’m still not completely over it. It made me rethink if I even wanted to continue pursuing nursing because I couldn’t imagine losing someone who I cared about again. It wasn’t until a year later I met a heart surgeon named Dominic; one of my classmates asked him how it felt to be able to save lives. I’ll never forget; he looked around the room at all of us and said, “We don’t save lives, we help people get to the next step, and sometimes that’s all you can do”. He told us how we need to be able to compartilize our emotions and understand that just how some people live, other people die, and sometimes you can’t do anything about it; it’s the way of life.

I remember feeling a huge relief because I didn't want to carry the burden of not being able to save somebody’s loved ones and now I know that’s not what being a nurse is about, You help people get to the next step and whatever that step is you do it with love, dedication, and passion,and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. His passing away helped me define who I am I still have that little bit of I want to save the world in me; and I know it’s okay if I only save one person and it’s okay if that person is me.

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vinyloftheyear-blog · 7 years

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Vinyl of the Year 2016

It’s finally here! And because I basically had to do one mega-review of every album I listened to in 2016, it’s very long too, culminating in a top-10 album countdown. This post is gonna start with an essay-style discussion of every album that isn’t in my top 10, followed by the countdown (number 1 of course also being the VotY). So, without further introduction, here’s a huge review of the music I listened to in 2016.

The image above is in order of release date. Unfortunately, 26 isn’t a great number for an even grid, and tumblr might mess with the image quality, so you can see a bigger, better version of the list here.

There are a few things to note about the discussion’s formatting before I actually get into it: 1) The albums aren’t in any particular order, just what made sense to write about next, but 2) the album titles are in bold so you can skip to them easier if you just care about some of them, and 3) they’re all links you can click to listen to the album via YouTube, or Google Play Music if there wasn’t a good YT link.

Here we go.

There were a few albums that came out early in the year that were good, but didn’t blow me away. Daughter’s sophomore LP Not to Disappear was great, bringing with it all the dark ambience I love from their music as expected, there just wasn’t much about it that stood out. A few songs sound in line with the quality that If You Leave has more of (Numbers, Mothers, and Made of Stone off the top of my head), but the rest was just forgettable. I tried to jump on the Animal Collective hype train as well once their album Painting With got released, but as I probably should have expected after disliking Merriweather Post Pavilion for the most part I just didn’t enjoy listening to it much. (That being said, FloriDada is fun and beachy and catchy as hell.) I gave the group’s style one more try with Deakin’s solo record Sleep Cycle, which has its pretty moments—namely the Pink Floyd-esque tune Golden Chords—but now I’m certain that they aren’t my style. The same went for James Blake’s record The Colour In Anything: I see the appeal in Blake’s lovely voice and the simple-yet-moving production, but the album just doesn’t vibe with me.

There were also a couple of rap albums that I appreciated more than I liked. Atrocity Exhibition, for one, was my first taste of Danny Brown on his own, and I thought it was good but not amazing. Amid some real bangers like Really Doe and Ain’t It Funny were songs I wasn’t sure what to make of, and not yet being totally used to Danny’s voice didn’t help much. This was my first listen to Danny Brown on his own, so I can’t really speak much for how much he or his music has evolved from previous albums, but if other music critics are trustworthy then it’s a solid improvement, and I respect that. I also respect A Tribe Called Quest for coming back with their last album as a full group, We Got It From Here… Thank You 4 Your Service, in the wake of Phife Dawg’s unfortunate passing. Their style stays true as ever, the album has tons of modern and classic features, from Busta Rhymes to Kendrick Lamar to Jack White of all people, and the subject matter is tied strongly to the current events of the past year, and for all of that I think it’s a great album—I’m just way too new to Tribe and the time their music was steeped in, so their album wasn’t a personal favorite.

Of course, there were other big 2016 hip-hop releases that I liked more. I’ll talk about most of them a bit later, but one particular album made waves even several weeks prior to its release (when, fittingly, Waves was its working title): How could I not mention Kanye West’s The Life of Pablo? The hip-hop legend dropped this mishmosh of a record to critical acclaim, and I try not to use that term too negatively: West himself said the album is “a living, breathing, changing creative expression,” so I don’t fault him for leaving some breathing room in terms of production. There are some real standalone hits that stand out, of course; Ultralight Beam, No More Parties in LA, and the hilariously self-aware I Love Kanye are all fantastic in their own right. However, there are also many clear areas across the record that sound like they belong on the cutting room floor from one of Kanye’s previous albums—but that’s just what makes this album great. Whereas most notable albums these days are more cohesive, this album knits itself together more like a quilt: Very far from seamless, but that makes the effort and care that went into making it much more visible. Because of that, the album was a tough contender to the number 10 spot on my list.

Another close contender to the top ten this year was Glass Animals’ groovy album How to Be a Human Being. In previous albums they sounded samey to me, each song not deviating too much from the last one, but the band definitely seems to have fixed that with this record. Songs are backed with everything from video game sound effects to dreamy ambient synths to heavily distorted drums, and they’re all mixed really well with the trademark breathy vocals and wide scope of sounds. My favorite example of this on the album by far has got to be The Other Side Of Paradise, with stop-start synths that stick in your skull till sunrise—alliteration aside, I can’t listen to this song and not move to it, and it’s definitely one of my favorite tracks to come out this year. A good few of the tracks on How to Be a Human Being still sound way too similar though, and there’s lots of repetition within songs—for most of the tracks, you’ve heard it all after the first minute or so—but I commend Glass Animals for making their music more dynamic and hope that trend continues.

In the more EDM-influenced pop world, we saw two EP releases from the duo Lemaitre this year, 1749 and Afterglow. Both EPs show a huge improvement in Lemaitre’s mixing and composition talents from their Relativity EP series, but Afterglow was a bit less interesting than 1749 in terms of song diversity and uniqueness. Not Too Late remains my favorite track by this group, and with it Lemaitre really made themselves worth following as more than just nightclub fodder, but Afterglow seems to slip back into that mold a bit—albeit still being wonderfully composed and a delight to listen to, whether dancing in the club or sitting in bed.

On the flip side of the pop releases this year, there were a couple groups that decided to get funkier in 2016, as most pop seems to be doing these days (I blame Daft Punk and Bruno Mars): Namely, I’m thinking of Two Door Cinema Club’s Gameshow and STRFKR’s Being No One, Going Nowhere. These albums are far from bad, but the shift in sound they went with didn’t improve them much, and actually made them slightly worse just by sacrificing some of their uniqueness as a group to pursue the mainstream sound. Both records were interesting blends of funk elements with each group’s signature style, Two Door bringing their quick-guitar-riff driven rock and STRFKR using various catchy synth rhythms. While Gameshow sounds more like a watering-down of Two Door’s punchier sound to make room for a groove, STRFKR’s album is still an improvement from 2013’s Miracle Mile, when the group first started to experiment with adding a groove to their music. Being No One is certainly more seamless and even harkens back to their much earlier work in its tone, even using voice samples like they used to. If Gameshow becomes Two Door Cinema Club’s Miracle Mile, insofar as being a transition to a cleaner, more characteristic funky album later, then I understand its necessity and welcome their fourth record with open ears.

A few new names also appeared on my radar this year, these two with albums that are rock-oriented, and have well-written themes about growing up. Car Seat Headrest and their album Teens of Denial rocketed the small bandcamp group to stardom this past year, with dense, meaningful lyrics about the transition into adulthood and an accessible garage-rock style. I’ll admit that if I listened to this album more it very well may have ended up on the top ten, but unfortunately I didn’t get around to reading more into it. I fell into a similar situation with Mitski’s record Puberty 2, which had to do more with the teenage years themselves, lyrically focusing on the angst and anxiety that riddle them. This album was also a highly acclaimed one with many layers of meaning and depth, and one I also thought was just okay because I hadn’t listened to it more. I certainly won’t make the same mistake the next time either of these artists release an album (or with any album of note in 2017, for that matter).

Looking back, there were a lot of albums released this year that were incredibly relevant to the events of 2016 that were praised for being beautiful artistic expressions of a year that not a lot of people liked. As well as the aforementioned A Tribe Called Quest album, Solange’s A Seat at the Table was one of the most critically acclaimed examples of this, and I can hear why—the messages of black pride come through the pleasant and well-composed R&B songs on the album and the candid spoken intermissions between them, and playing the two off of each other really makes this album a unique take on what it means to be a black woman in today’s society (which is a phrase you may be tired of hearing verbatim by now if you’ve been reading about this album, but there isn’t a much better way to put it). 2016 will also be remembered for its numerous unfortunate celebrity deaths, beginning in earnest with David Bowie just two days after his swan-song of an album, Blackstar. He knew he wasn’t long for this world at the time, and you can hear that throughout the record (you don’t need much more proof of this than “Look up here, I’m in heaven”), and sad though it is, it shows Bowie’s amazing creative potential one last time. Last January I saw someone I don’t know on Twitter sum this up perfectly by saying “Bowie stared death in the face and thought ‘I can use this’”. In that way this album also seems to represent 2016 as the forced transition away from old times, saying goodbye to the classic, groundbreaking, and nostalgic works and their artists—in any medium—that brought us to this point, in favor of looking to the future and making a mark for this generation.

And now, onto the top 10!

10. JANK - Versace Summer

The best way I’ve found to describe JANK to someone in an X-meets-Y style is that they’ve got the lyrics and tone of an emo garage band, but with the intricate guitar work and immense overall talent of an early Modest Mouse. The more I listen to this album, the more little instrumental details I catch: every little guitar or drum fill, and just how much the tempo and dynamics change within and between songs is so impressive that you’d think that the songs would be about something more complicated than, say, a bicycle named Ralph—but it doesn’t even matter, because JANK pulls you into their mood until you’re singing every word regardless. And even still, a good number of their songs can really hit heavy—like that song about a bicycle named Ralph. Even Gucci Spring, the one out-of-place song on the album, is a chill tune with great composition. I really hope JANK keeps dropping albums—hell, as long as they keep releasing music, I’ll never feel older than sixteen and love it.

Favorite Tracks: Chunks (kool enuff), This is a Song About my Bike “Ralph” and it’s Called “Ralph”, #freesam

9. Noname - Telefone

Noname first made a name for herself through features on Chance the Rapper’s albums, but this mixtape marks her first solo venture, and it is one hell of an album. Telefone has got to be the calmest and kindest-sounding rap album I’ve ever heard, if only because of the lovely, smooth keyboard backs, but there’s so much more. All the singing is so well-mixed and pretty, and the rap verses aren’t too loud or aggressive; in a way, in lends them even more honesty—which makes the realer, darker songs about Noname’s life in the Chicago hood even more deep-cutting. Even still the album holds its optimism: the laments of the album are surrounded by a resoundingly positive attitude, smiling in the face of any obstacle. On top of that, the lyrics flow well with the music and have universal meaning behind them in just about every song, covering all the ups and downs that connect Noname and her Chi-town community. A hip-hop/R&B album like this is as pleasant as a surprise phone call from a loved one, and I can’t wait to hear another one from Noname.

Favorite Tracks: Diddy Bop, Reality Check, Forever

8. Kendrick Lamar - untitled unmastered.

“EVEN THE B-SIDES!” cried the Kendrick fans in praise on all the hip-hop messageboards online circa March, and boy were they right. This is an album purely of live-only tracks, scraps, and B-sides from Kendrick’s previous masterpiece To Pimp A Butterfly, and it’s still just as genius and fantastic as anything he’s done before. What continues to blow me away with Kendrick’s work is his sound design: he uses so many different sounds, tones, voices, and effects in every single track he makes, and still puts it all together masterfully. Even within one song, Kendrick throws three different inflections on his own voice and uses each one to manipulate his flow—and that’s about average for this record. Don’t let the fact escape you that these songs were rejected from being published until now; one of the best rap albums to come out this year was picked up and dusted off from the studio floor. That alone should tell you what kind of talent Kendrick has, and why he’s considered one of the greatest rappers of this generation.

Favorite Tracks: untitled 02, untitled 03, untitled 07

7. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

If Noname is the girl keeping her block optimistic with Telefone, Chance is the older brother that takes that to the entire city. It means a lot to be the second-biggest name in Chicago rap and Chance knows that, counting his blessings very explicitly on this record and letting everyone hear. Even this album has its down moments, mostly more somber tunes about Chance and his friends growing up and changing, but he uses a gospel choir and religious themes to keep the smile on his and any listeners’ faces. There have been some critiques of the mixing on this record, and I won’t deny that it’s a bit out of wack, but it’s nothing that makes the album even remotely unlistenable or dilutes its messages (and sure, All We Got is a bit of a shitshow, but I blame Kanye for that). All of the features are great too, and they run the gamut from gospel artist and choir director Kirk Franklin to Lil fucking Yachty. Overall in Coloring Book, Chance’s optimism and pride for himself and his city are contagious, and it makes me smile every time I listen to this record.

Favorite Tracks: Same Drugs, Angels, How Great

6. Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels 3

It’s a Christmas fucking miracle! RTJ dropped this album early online for the holiday, and at the last minute it made my top ten. Run the Jewels 2 was damn fantastic, and this awesome dynamic duo of hip-hop just keep getting better. El-P and Killer Mike bring even more trademark establishment-hatred and adrenaline-pumping arrogance with their latest installment, and they really sound like they’ve found their groove with this record. The proof is everywhere, from the production from El that’s more vivid and diverse than anything he’s made before, to the opinions of a pissed-off generation of millenials that fuel their lyrics, even down to the dynamics in their tone of voice. And as if it weren’t enough to improve on their style, RTJ even included a few tracks that are strong shifts in tone: Instead of their usual middle-fingers-up attitude to society, they rap some verses that sound just like shock and disbelief for how events turned out, even getting sentimental with the surprisingly personal Thursday in the Danger Room, which is equal parts banger and mournful tribute that cuts deep. I think that’s a feeling we all shared in 2016, a year where we needed voices like El’s and Mike’s to keep us strong and angry enough to do something about it—and they couldn’t have delivered more perfectly.

Favorite Tracks: Talk to Me, Hey Kids (Bumaye), Thursday in the Danger Room

5. clipping. - Splendor & Misery

Four words: Experimental space rap opera. Still interested? I didn’t think I was when this album first came around. As mentioned in this album’s Pitchfork review, I was surprised that clipping, now much closer to the spotlight after Daveed Diggs’s famous role as Lafayette/Jefferson in the hip-hop musical Hamilton, would use this opportunity to push something so bold and unique instead of an album full of experimental bangers like their last album CLPPNG was. But the more I listened, the more I thought it was the right move. Diggs and his crew bring their creativity to somewhere no artist has ventured before—an epic tale of a slave mutineer taking over a spaceship and flying it past war-torn planets in search of a new home. And while this album doesn’t have as many standalone hits (as it really shouldn’t), the incredible talent Diggs has for storytelling is brought to new frontiers in character development and worldbuilding (seriously, I get chills when he transitions from African world-shaping mythos to the human idols that moonwalk). From the cold, spacey production to the delightfully abstract storytelling this album brings, Splendor & Misery is my favorite narrative album since The Antlers’ Hospice, and a welcome twist to contemporary rap.

Favorite Tracks: All Black, True Believer, Air ‘Em Out

4. Childish Gambino - “Awaken, My Love!”

Speaking of twists in rap, how could you go much further than not rapping at all? Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino has gone from internet sketch comedy to writing for TV to acting on TV to doing stand-up comedy to dropping hip-hop albums to making his own (now Golden Globe-winning) TV show, and this album marks yet another sharp turn in his career to releasing an album of pure funk and R&B—and while other critics (and a few of my friends) aren’t so sure about this one, I enjoy every song on it. Across the record Gambino runs the full gamut of classic funk and soul styles, and on each one he distorts his voice differently to fit the song—belting passionate cries in one tune and pitched-up soulful melodies in another. Even California, the most-debated song on this record, lends itself some praise for being a catchy abstraction of Jawaiian reggae. If there’s any way to compare this with his previous records, it’s with production and instrumentation, and both seem vastly improved and expanded upon—really, my only gripe with this album is how poorly it’s mixed in some areas. If Gambino sticks with this funky pursuit for at least another album to iron out its few problems, though, we could see a real masterpiece in the future. Other artists that dabbled in funk this year should take note: sometimes it’s better to dive in headfirst.

Favorite Tracks: Me and Your Mama, Zombies, Redbone

3. Bon Iver - 22, A Million

Bon Iver has made a name for themselves over the past decade or so with their ambient, snowy-cabin music (including the hit Skinny Love) and features on Kanye West songs, and the three records they released before this one are all beautifully gentle explorations of abstractly-mixed soundscapes—but this record transcends that in favor of something almost completely different. Inspired in part by group founder Justin Vernon’s battles with personal and existential loneliness while recording it, 22, A Million shifts gears suddenly to a dirty, sample-based, electronic sound that is disorienting at first to say the least. It ranges from uncanny-valley distortions of otherwise mellow acoustic songs to broken percussion-heavy tracks, with lyrics full of half-phrases and made-up words—and while the details are incoherent, the way they’re put together results in a strange electronic recreation of Vernon’s signature calm, somber tone. The devil is in the details on this record, so to speak, and just how much there is worth discussing is impressive—like the amazing voice layering in 8 (circle), or the psalm sample in 33 “GOD”, or those chilling few seconds near the end of 29 #Strafford APTS. It’s a very postmodern album, all told, opting for the expression of raw stream-of-consciousness instead of being more explicit, and like many postmodern works, it can be analyzed from so many different angles and parsed to convey so many different ideas. 22, A Million is the kind of album that belongs in an art museum, and I’m so glad a record so unique, deep, and beautiful exists.

Favorite Tracks: 715 - CRΣΣKS, 29 #Strafford APTS, 8 (circle)

2. Anderson .Paak - Malibu

This album was the first I’d heard of Anderson .Paak like many other people this year, but after listening to this album I feel like I know him like a family member. On this album, Anderson celebrates himself and overcoming his difficult past with contagious honesty and confidence on top of beautifully-produced tracks that range from soulful R&B beats to dance-floor grooves. The wide range of instruments, effects, and beats applied on this record are all mixed seamlessly, and even the samples from old surfing movies between most songs carry the album’s tone beautifully while holding up the songs’ themes. It’d be good enough if it was just pretty, but it’s also by far the most personal and intimate album of 2016. In addition to offering his signature take on more classic R&B, taking after his own inspirations and revamping them for the present, Anderson sings and raps verses about his childhood, family, career, and relationships that are all equal parts candid autobiography and inspiring motivation. In a way, the combination goes so far as to put you into Anderson’s life story and create a potent sort of nostalgia for it: you’re where he was decades ago, letting the music on the record player push you to rise above the not-so-good situation you might have at home. And in that way, Anderson celebrates you, too, and you just can’t stop grinning.

Favorite Tracks: The Waters, The Season | Carry Me, Come Down

1, and the 2016 Vinyl of the Year:

The Avalanches - Wildflower

I’m not even sure where to begin with this freaking fantastic album. When I first listened to Wildflower, it was being raved about online, so I figured I’d see what the hype was about, in bed, with my laptop speakers. I didn’t want to leave that spot for the next hour as I listened—I even delayed plans I had made just to finish it. In a single word, this album is immersive, and there has been no other record that pulls me into the environment and atmosphere that it creates like Wildflower does. The hundreds, maybe thousands, of 1960’s samples that The Avalanches mixed together brilliantly instill an indirect but pure nostalgia for America in a unique and strange era, with a fantastic demonstration of show-don’t-tell and utilizing tone and instruments more than words—more blatantly, it’s at number one because it does artificial nostalgia better than Malibu and conveying raw feeling better than 22, A Million. Even the several excellent rap features don’t ruin the immersion, despite rap not being a thing back then: it’s almost like being at an alternate Woodstock with a more modern lineup of acts. The sheer amount of detail in the sound design is the key to how captivating Wildflower is: all of the samples that are used as background noise and sound effects take you to a different place and time for practically each song. That also makes this album excellent travel music: regardless of where you’re going or what you’re doing, you feel like you’re on summer break from school, having fun in the sun and enjoying the psychedelic era to its fullest. In several ways the current time parallels that one—a silent majority resulted in a publicly-disfavored president and a young counter-establishment attitude, and civil rights movements and vinyl record sales are making a nationwide resurgence, to name a couple—and whether by design or coincidence this album runs with that perfectly. It’s both here and there, in 2016 and 1966, within and without, a celebration of the moment as much as it can be an escape from it, and there’s just no other music quite like it. For all of these reasons, Wildflower is my Vinyl of the Year for 2016.

Favorite Tracks: Because I’m Me, Frankie Sinatra, Kaleidoscopic Lovers

A quick post-script

In a little while I’ll update the blog theme from Currents to Wildflower. Looking back, I’m surprised how much hip-hop showed up in the top 10. It wasn’t really until this year that I began to follow it more actively, and it’s quickly become one of my favorite genres--if I can even put the music I like into genres these days, anyway.

2016 has been a great year for music, but 2017 could easily top it: we’ve got anticipated/potential albums from The xx (who already released theirs), Fleet Foxes, The Shins, Portugal. The Man, The National, Arcade Fire, and many more brand-new artists to discover. I’ll be reviewing albums as I listen to them this year, so future VotY posts won’t be this huge, and you can keep up with VotY more regularly. I hope 2016 was a great year in music for you, too, and that 2017 proves to be even better!

Thanks for reading, and happy listening!

#vinyloftheyear #VotY2016

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