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hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog · 2 months

Note

Tell me about Dean falling in love with a girl who has long covid - maybe they met when he saved her from a monster and they became friends, she occasionally helps him with research or patches him up if he gets hurt. He doesn’t hear from her for a while, and when he goes to check on her, he finds out she’s in the hospital with Covid - a monster he can’t save her from. He realizes he loves her, but may lose her. After she gets out he keeps coming to check on her because he knows she tires easily/has trouble breathing at times.

@deans-spinster-witch thank you for this ask. Actually thank you all that submit asks or sent me story prompts, I am going to get to them all, but I thought this one would be a good place to start.

First let me start off with my disclaimers:

1) I haven't see the last few seasons of SPN, so I don't know how they addressed COVID, if they did at all. So think of it as alternative timeline, not really canon.

2) My COVID representation is probably not 100% accurate, either by the reader symptoms or that I don't mention Dean wearing a mask or that he was able to be in the hospital with the reader.

3) I just POV and I think I may have jump from 2nd to 3rd person writing? I did my best to correct it, but sometimes I can't seem to correct it. Also did my best with editing, but I am sure I missed something. Flashbacks are bold italic and internal thoughts are just italic.

4) I am not sure if this is 100% what you were looking for. It does end on a cliffhanger, so I will be posting a second part. It was getting hella long coming in at 7,500 words. 😬 sorry.

5) swearing, hints of past trauma that we may get more in the second part. Self doubt/hate. Angst heavy!

Okay think that's it. It's a Y/N x Dean focus story with Sam making an appearance via phone. Characters are not mine but the work is. So please don't post as your own.

Feel free to like, reblog, send me feedback in the comments. And if you have a story idea, send it my way via asks or message. Or if you want me to tag you on my work let me know.

Okay think I have stalled long enough. Here it is, my first story back from 3 year break.

JUST BREATHE-

"Excuse me, sir, you can't be up here." A female voice, strong, laced with exhaustion, mixes with the sounds of the hospital. Doctors are being paged, staff are going in and out of rooms, and machines are monitoring patients. All of it, white noise, too, Dean. Because he can't look away or tear his eyes from what is in front of him. Y/N is lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a ventilator. What happened? How did it come on so strong and so fast? He had just seen you last week when he came through town on his way to his next hunt. Picking up research that you had done for him since Sam was working on another case in California. You were the best…no, are, you are the best researcher he knows…you have to get better; you can't…

"Sir! I will have to ask you to leave if you're not family. The ICU is only for families." The female voce, insistent on getting him to pay attention to her. Tired, she was just so damn tired of no one listing to her today; she had better things to do than police people about.

"How long has she been here?" Dean asks, his voice firm but slightly wavering. He can't look away, watching as the vent goes up and down, breathing for you. Y/N, come on, you have to pull through; I can't lose you, Dean thinks, trying his best not to break. He prayed to God if he thought it would help if he thought the ass would be listing.

"Sir, I can't give that information if you're not family." Dean looks away from you for a moment, noticing the nurse standing beside him. She is dressed in blue scrubs, her hair pulled back, and a mask on. He can tell she is on her last nerve with him, and he has to win her over. He can't leave you, not now. "So, are you family?" she asks again.

"Umm…" He knew he needed to lie. If he told her that you were just a friend, he would never get answers and would never get back to this floor again. It was dumb luck that he could get your room number out of the receptionist downstairs. He pulled himself together to give her his winning smile and wink. "She's my sister." Clearing his throat, he looked back to you.

The nurse looks down at the chart in her hand. "Miss. Moore didn't have a brother listed as next of kin, but then again, a neighbor brought her in." Looking back up to Dean, he doesn't respond. "How about we go somewhere a little more private to discuss your sister's condition?" She lightly grabs Dean by the shoulder and turns him away from the window and you.

********

Dean did his best to listen to the nurse, but all he really wanted to do was get back to you. It was driving him crazy that he couldn't do anything; this wasn't caused by a demon, monster, or anything in his wheelhouse. You were brought in about a day or two after he had seen you. Your neighbor had come over to borrow something and saw you in the window, passed out on the floor. COVID had hit you hard, and you just couldn't shake it; your lungs filled up so fast with fluids that you passed out.

That was a week ago; you had been in the hospital for a week and on a ventilator. The doctors feel that your body just needs time to fight off the infection.

"She seemed fine when I saw her last; how could this happen?" Dean questions, trying to be as respectful as possible without raising his voice and getting kicked out.

"COVID hits everyone differently; we really don't know why. Some people may never get it, and some…" Not finishing her statement, the nurse looks away from Dean.

"Can I go back and sit with her?" Dean asks, more like pleading with her. He just wants to ensure you're doing alright and stand watch until you wake up. He doesn't know what else to do.

"I am sorry, but no," the nurse replies as kindly as possible. Seeing that he will protest this, she quickly adds, "But, you can come back during visiting hours. You won't be able to go in the room; we have to keep it clean because of COVID, but you can see her from the window." Hoping this will be a compromise he can live with. She doesn't want him to get upset and have to call security and have him escorted out. She can tell he cares for her and is scared.

Dean will take it; he knows he has to. You're the strongest person he knows. You will get through this; you have to. "Alright, I guess I will come back then," Dean says, getting up from the table.

********

Walking out of the hospital, Dean calls Sam to tell him what is happening and that he wasn't leaving until you were back home. Screw the world, let the monsters run amuck, and let demons rain hell on earth; he had more important things to do. "I don't care, Sammy, I am not leaving again. This is the only number you can reach me at, and only you," he says, getting into the Impala and firing it up.

"Alright, Dean. I hear you. Do you want me to come? I am almost done here." Sam offers, knowing that Dean won't take him up on it.

"No, I am good, but thanks. You stay on the West Coast until the world calms itself down." Letting the engine run for a bit, Dean takes a second. This has been the longest they have been working apart. It's been hard on both of them, but at least Dean has you to talk to. He has been leaning on you more since Sam was in California. Could Dean have caused this? Was he asking too much of you?

"Dean, hey, you still there?" Sam breaks through his intrusive thoughts.

Clearing his voice, "Yeah."

"You know, she will get through this. She's going to be okay," Sam says, trying his best to reassure him and get him out of his head because even if they are miles apart, he knows his brother. Dean is blaming himself right now for something that he can't control.

“Yeah, I know… I just… what if I…..”

"No, don't think like that, and don't think you had anything to do with this happening." Sam quips back, knowing where his brother's thoughts are going, and he will not have him spiraling out.

"But I ask so much of her. You know she will never say no. Even when she has other things to do, she always drops everything when I ask for a favor. God, I am such a user…"

"No, you're not. Y/N is strong, and she said she would tell you if she didn't want to do something. She wants to help; she thrives on researching this stuff, and you know it." Sam states, "Come on, you know she would rather research lore or listen to one of your 'tales from the front lines,' as she likes to call them, any day of the week."

The thought of you saying these words to him as you patch him up, 'Alright, Dean, what tales to do we have this time?' or how your voice would be giddy when he called you about a case he found. "Yeah, you're right, Sam," Dean replies. Feeling a bit better after talking with Sam, he always knows how to keep him from spiraling too much.

"I know I am; now go get some rest. She's going to need you when she wakes up."

"Night brother"

After hanging up the phone, Dean didn't want to go to a hotel or bar, but he was now wired and needed to do something. Pulling out of the parking lot was second nature, and he found his way to your driveway.

Sitting there, looking at the modest, two-bedroom, two-bath house, he would consider a second home for as much time as he has spent there. It was odd to think about walking through that door and you not being there. When getting out of the car, the sound of the door opening and closing is the only noise that breaks up the silence of the night. Taking a few steps, Dean stops himself from knocking like he usually does. Habit, he thinks. Pulling his keys out, he flips until he finds the one for your house.

It was an argument you had won, not that he didn't want a key. Of course, he did, but he didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands should something happen.

"No, I don't need a key, Y/N," Dean protest, not wanting to have this conversation right now.

"Yes, you do; now take it." You say, holding out the key for him to take.

"I don't need it; you're always here. Why would I need to get into your place when you're not here?" he questions. Finishing off his beer, he gets up from the couch and heads toward the kitchen. "You want another one?" he asks, trying to change the subject.

You get up and follow him. "Don't change the subject, Winchester," you say, following him and sitting on a kitchen stool. What if I wasn't home tonight?"

Tossing the empty bottle in the recycle bin and turning to face her, he can tell by the severe look on your face that this is an argument that he won't win. But why make it easy on you. "But you were," giving you a smirk, he opens the fridge to pull out two more bottles. "Besides, where would you be on a Friday night? You have a hot date I don't know about?" he questions. Handing one of the bottles to you.

He struggles slightly to open the bottle with his left hand since his right is currently in a sling. After putting his shoulder back into place and stitching him up, you open the beer in your hand, hand it to him, and take the other one from him. "Maybe," you say cryptically, a twinkle in your eyes.

"Really? Didn't know you were dating anyone?" Dean is slightly put off by this. It's not that someone would want to date you; it's the opposite. You're beautiful, and he always wonders how you were still single after all this time. Intelligent and funny, any guy would be lucky to call you his. Heck, he would like to call you his.

"I am not," you say, putting him out of his misery and his slight spiral of another guy touching her, kissing her… But I could still be out. Do you want to be sitting out in your car waiting for me to get home?" you question, pushing the key towards him. "Just take the dam key. It's only a key. I am not asking you to move in with me."

If you asked him that, he would say yes in a heartbeat. But the reality of his life, what he and Sam do for a living, gives him pause to take the key. "I just don't want anyone else to get their hands on it."

"Who, like Sam? Of course, you can give a copy to Sam." You joke, knowing what he's getting at but trying your best to keep this conversation light.

"No, not Sam. I am thinking Crowley, another demon or monster, or worse, Lucifer. I would hate for anyone other than Sam or me to get their hands on this and come after you."

"Dean, that's not going to happen."

"But it could, you know it could."

Letting out a sigh, you decide to pull out the big guns to get him to take this damn key. "A key is not their first choice to get in. You have put up all the wards you could think of." You say, proving that you are as safe as possible. "Heck, you made me even get this thing." Snapping off your leather bracelet to show off the anti-possession tattoo. "and you know how much I hate needles." The black tattoo shows nicely against your light skin and hides the other barely visible scars.

"Yeah, I found out real quick that day. I think I still have scars on my arm from you digging your nails in," he jokes, bringing his hand up to his wrist to run his fingers around the tattoo and the scars he knows are there.

"Haha, that's real funny." You fake laugh. " Just take it, please. It will make me feel better if you have it." You do your best puppy dog eyes as you push the key closer to him.

Dean takes a moment before caving. "Alright, but I am only going to use it for emergencies." he conceits, taking his keys out and putting your house key on the ring with the rest.

Getting up from the stool, you smile at him, "Thank you, Dean," you say sweetly and hug him.

Dean shakes his head, trying to shake the thoughts from that night, as he shuts the door behind him. He stood in the entryway, just taking in the quietness of the house, holding his breath, waiting for you to come down the hallway, saying, ‘Dean, you look like shit; what were you up against this time? Let me get you patched up, and you can tell me all about it.’ Guiding him to the kitchen, you would pull the first aid kit and a beer from the fridge.

Watching these memories play out in front of him, it's not until he lets out a shaky breath that he had been holding that he feels the tears run down his face, "Fuck! Y/N, you got to get better, okay…." choking back, "I can't lose you." The thought of losing another important person in his life. Someone who should have a happy and long life and who, without them, Dean wouldn't be standing here today. He owes everything to you.

Dean can't bring himself to step past the entryway, feeling like an intruder. "I can't…" feeling pressure in his chest, he turns and walks out the door. Locking the door and making the short walk to his car, the pressure subsides once he is in the driving seat. Knowing he can't stay in the house. Too many memories of you and his dark thoughts will keep him up. He also can't put the car in drive and go to the motel just outside of town. It's like his body won't let him leave.

*******

Y/N POV

You were in the hospital for two weeks, and Dean was by your side, or somewhat outside your hospital room, every day, every hour he could be. At least that is what the nurse told you once you were awake. Your 'brother' Dean has been by your side. The first time they told you this, you looked confused, which caused concern from the staff.

"Your brother, Dean," the nurse says again, her voice laced with concern as she points to the window that looks into your room from the hallway.

You turn your head slightly, your body stiff from being in bed for so long, and the breathing tube just being taken out. There you see him, Dean Winchester, raising his hand to give you a short wave, and a look of relief washes over his face, which is covered with a slightly heavy five-clock shadow. You give him a smile and look back at the nurse. "Yeah, sorry, of course, he's my brother. Just didn't know anyone called him?" you reply, "Can I have some water?" you ask, you're throat feeling like sandpaper.

"Sure," the nurse says, filling a cup and handing it to you. "Well, the doctor will be in soon," she says, giving you a short smile and walking towards the door.

"Umm, can my brother come in?" you ask. Knowing that no matter what she says, Dean will make it in here one way or the other. The nurse hesitates. "It's just that I would like him to hear what the doctor says. I am still groggy, not sure I am going to remember everything he tells me," you add, hoping this will pull on her heartstrings just a bit.

Which does work, "Sure." she replies, giving you a smile and then walking out the door. She briefly talks to Dean before walking away, and Dean enters the room.

"Hey, sweetheart," Dean says, shutting the door behind him and walking towards you.

"Hey yourself," you reply. You try to sit up a bit more, but you struggle a bit.

Dean quickly gets to you. " Here, let me," he says, finding the remote for the bed, setting you upright, and then readjusting your pillows. "Good?" he asks once it looks like you're settled.

Feeling slightly embarrassed that he saw you like this, you’re sure you're a mess, bed hair, hospital gowns, and oh man…your breath has got to stink by now, right? Trying your best not to breathe out, "Yeah, thanks." you quickly reply. Dean sits in the chair next to your bed but doesn't say anything. Okay, guess you will start. "So brother, hum?" you quip.

He smiles at this and looks away from you to the bedding. "Yeah, I had to say something; otherwise, they would never let me back in." Then, looking back at you, a slight panic sets in that you might be mad at him for this small lie. " You're not mad, are you?" he asks.

"No, of course not," you reply, wanting to reassure him that everything is fine. This does, as relief washes over him a second time. You hold out your hand for him to take. "Just wonder what Sam will say about having a little sister, that's all. I am sure he will hate being the middle child," you joke.

Dean gives a short laugh: "Oh, Sammy will be all right with it. He will be happy to hear you're awake, is all." Dean's fingers rubbing your hand back and forth are nice.

"How did you know I was here?" you ask, trying to remember the day before you were brought in, but it's all a blur. Was he coming to see you? Was he working on a case?

"I was coming back through, and you had helped me with the case in North Carolina…" lowering his voice, even though you're in a private room," that Dinji." Dean recounts, seeing you not remember. He continues, "I stopped by your place, and your neighbor was out and said you were in the hospital."

None of that is registering at all, like last month, which is a blank slate. Fuck, what else are you not remembering? "And you have been here this whole time?" you ask, wondering what the state of the world must be like if he has taken himself out of saving the world for two weeks! Is Sam okay?

Dean's eyes, bright green, lock with yours, cocking his head slightly to the side, with slight confusion at your shock that he was here the whole time. "Of course, where else would I be? I wasn't going to leave you alone here," he says, a matter of fact.

You're about to reply to this, ask more questions, ask how Sam is, but before you can, the doctor enters the room. "Miss. Moore, welcome back," he says, looking at your chart and then at you and Dean. And this must be your brother?" he asks, holding his hand for Dean to shake.

Dean does, letting go of yours, the loss of him, his touch is apparent. "Hey, doc, when can I take my sister home?" Dean asks.

The doctor starts to talk, but you're not listening; your mind drifts to Dean. He put his life on pause for you? Wow, that's something, but you're sure he would do it for Charlie, Jody, Claire, or Alex, right? Yeah, of course. Dean sees you as family, which is what you are to him; that's what you will always be. Yes, you were close. He and Sam saved you from the vampire nest, explained everything about their world, and gave you a purpose.

You feel a slight pressure in your chest. Now that you're awake, how long will he stay before he leaves again?

"So I will get the nurse to start the discharge paperwork, and you guys should be out of there in a few hours," the doctor says. Giving you a smile.

Not hearing anything but that, you just smile back and look towards the window. You hear Dean thank the doctor, and he leaves the room. "nice guy," Dean says, filling up the silence.

"Yeah," you reply. You’re not sure what you are feeling; it's almost like a weight on your chest, pressure. Maybe it is COVID; it will be better once you get home. It has to, right?

******

You didn't know Dean could fuss over you more if he tried. He insisted that he be the one to wheel you out of the hospital, only after he made sure the car was pulled up as close to the door as possible so you didn't have to walk too far. Then, when he pulled into your driveway, he insisted he carry you the short walk to the front door.

"No, Dean, I can walk. My legs aren't broken; I had COVID, that's all." you quip back as he comes over to your side of the car to pick you up.

"The doctor said you shouldn’t over-exaggerate yourself, that's all," he replies, trying again to wrap his arms around your waist and pick you up from standing against the closed car door.

You block his hands again. As much as you would like his arms around you, have him cradle you; where is this coming from? You also don't want him to hurt himself, or God forbid the neighbors see him carrying you bridle style. "Yeah, walking the three feet to my front door is not going to kill me." This comment is like a punch in the gut for Dean; it's written on his face. Shit, was my COVID scare that much of an effect on him? But why? Trying to write your wrong, you try to play it off. "Come on, man, I have been on my back for two weeks and must move a little bit." You quip back. Playfully pushing him aside and walking towards the door.

You get to the door but realize you don't have your keys, you didn't have those, or your phone when you were brought into the hospital. You wait for Dean to come up behind you. He doesn't say anything, pulling out his keys; he opens the door and lets you walk in first. You shuck off your jacket and shoes and go to the living room. Sitting on the couch, you try to hide the sigh of exhaustions that you feel from the small activities you just did; but it slips past your lips and is not lost on Dean.

"Want me to make you some tea? You hungry?" Dean asks.

"No, I want you to tell me what's happened since I was in the hospital. Did all the evil in the world decide to take a break while I was out, and that's how you got to have some time off?" you question, motioning him to sit next to you on the couch.

Dean shrugs at this, "No. I just told Sam I was taking myself off the board, is all." he says casually.

"Taking yourself off the board? Hum, I didn't know you guys could do that," you ask, Giving him an intuitive look.

Dean is giving you nothing back, shaking his head, looking around the room, and clapping his hands together. He points towards the kitchen, "I am going to make that tea for you." He walks away before you can stop him, leaving you to your thoughts. Something else is happening, and you know who to call to get the truth out.

******

Making that call seem more complicated than usual since Dean didn't leave your side for anything. Three days, three days of hovering and mothering you, and as much as you care for Dean, and possibly secretly loved him. Let's face it, those chest tightening pains at the hospital, the loss of his touch was not COVID symptoms, it was your heart telling you what you already knew. You were in love with Dean Winchester, and the fact that he dropped everything for you made your head spin and feel like the most important girl in the world. But you are a realist, and Dean Winchester is out of your league. He sees you as the little sister he got settled with, not the girl he wants to kiss and do other things with.

On top of that, you are sure his opinions of you drop a few points since you found out really quick that to pass the time while he waited for you to wake up, he decided to clean your house from top to bottom. The sheer embarrassment when you found out had you want the couch to swallow you up right there. "Excuse me, you did what?" you ask, thinking you didn't hear him right when you ask; the following day, a book you usually had on your coffee table was now on the bookshelf that it was never on.

"I did some cleaning while you were…" Dean says, not finishing that statement while he grabs the few dishes off the coffee table and heads towards the kitchen. He never finishes that statement. Whenever he says it, he never says 'when you were in the hospital' or 'when you were sick.' After three days of the hanging statement, you get frustrated over that.

But knowing he cleaned your house, how clean is clean? Did he do your laundry? Yep! Did he clean under your bed and put stuff away on your nightstand? God forbid he did a deep clean in your closet—oh, the embarrassment. "Why?" you ask, now following him, waiting for an answer that you sure won't come.

Dean has his back to you, rinsing off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. "What? It's not a big deal. I had time, plus the nurse thought it was a good idea for you to come home to a clean hose." He says while wiping down the counter.

You try your best to breathe and calm down. Yes, all that is true, a clean house to come home too make sense. But having him go through your personal and private things, fuck, him cleaning your underwear. He will never look at you as desirable again, not like he did before. You look up from the floor to see him watching you, waiting for a reply. "thanks, I guess," you say, defeated. "I am going to go take a shower." You say, needing just a few minutes by yourself, shake off this feeling of rejection you know he doesn't realize he caused.

"You need some help?" he asks, approaching you and walking a step behind you.

You take a second, knowing again that he just wants to help, but God treats you like an old woman. Because you know that his offer of 'helping you out' in the shower does not imply sexy times; it's he saying he thinks you are weak and that you're going to get tired, fall, and hurt yourself. You get to the bathroom door. "No, I got it, thanks," you say, opening the door and shutting it before he can say anything.

*****

Dean POV

I know I am being overprotective, maybe even going overboard with not letting her do anything, and perhaps the deep clean was an overreach. But in my defense, I thought I could lose her, and if she was going to, no, when she was going to come home, I wanted it to be in a clean, COVID-free house.

I turn away from the bathroom door and walk towards the living room. I start to clean up, picking up the discarded blanket from my makeshift bed; even though she has a spare room, it's on the second floor away from her, and I want to be close in case she needs me in the night.

The rigging of my phone pulls me from my thoughts of her. Picking up, I see it's Sam. "Hey, what's up?" I ask, dropping the blanket and myself onto the couch.

"Just checking in, how's Y/N?"

"Good, still low energy, but I am just happy she’s walking and talking, even if I am annoying her."

"You, annoying her, I can't believe it," Sam says, with fake shock. "You know she can take care of herself; she has been doing that for some time now." Sam reminds me. Knowing that my hovering is coming for a place of love for Y/N, but it could be doing more damage than good.

"I know, it's just…" I pause briefly, looking back to see the closed bathroom door. "Sam, she just looked so helpless there lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to those machines…and there was nothing I could do…nothing that could save her…I just had to wait."

Sam knows that's not my strong suit, "I know, I get it, but maybe just ease off a little. I am sure it's making her feel like a burden, you doing everything for her."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I will try."

"I know I am." He clears his throat and paused briefly before asking what he knew I would not want to answer: "So when are you heading back to the bunker?"

I pause momentarily; the idea of leaving you hadn't crossed his mind. "Umm…" Hearing the door open, he looks to see you walking out of the bathroom and down the hallway to your room, wrapped in your navy-blue plaid robe, hair slightly damp from the shower. "Not sure yet, but I will keep you posted. I got to go." I say quickly, hanging up the phone. I know that she can take care of herself, but at the same time, I don't want to leave her again; what if I do and something happens, and there is no one here to save her again. Sam's right, though; I have to back off, or I am liable to smother her.

*****

Y/N POV (about a week later)

Something seems to have changed in Dean in the last few days. It was like the old carefree Dean was back. He hovered less, not watching my every move, and even went on a quick day trip to the bunker to pick up more books for me to read since I had read everything in my place twice, and if I was going to be stuck inside I wanted to do something productive. Granted, I had to ride shotgun on this trip, so although we got out of the house, I was still under his protective eye. But he wasn't babying me anymore; he cracked jokes, smiled, and even complained when I made him watch the same movie repeatedly.

Dean was going on a food run, and this was one outing he didn't let me go on. Too many people, could possibly get sick again, so he didn't want to risk it. But he also hated doing it, leaving you alone. "You're sure you're going to be fine," he asks again, standing in the doorway, you on the other side, trying your best not to push him out and lock the door.

"Yes, Dean, you'll be gone for an hour. I think I can survive." you quip, pushing him playfully, "Go, I promise, no running around the house with scissors or jumping on the bed. I will keep my butt on the couch until you get back."

Dean's worried face slightly softens, knowing that you will be fine, but that pit in his stomach—the thought of him walking out that door again and not having you in his sight—will never go away. "Okay, but call me if you feel off," he reminds you again.

"Yes, now go." You reply with a smile. Yes, he was getting on your nerves slightly, but you still loved the guy for it.

You watch as he pulls out of the driveway and down the road before you head inside. Walking to your room, you find your cell phone charging, and you quickly make the call you've been waiting to make since you got home.

He picked up on the second ring: "Y/N, everything alright? Dean texted me to say he was going on a food run. Do you need him? Are you not feeling well?…" Sam blurts out, a lengthy, run-on statement that has you slightly spinning.

Trying your best not to laugh at him. "Sam, calm down; I am good. I just wanted to talk to my friend. How are you?" you ask, wanting to ease into this discussion. Plus, you really did want to know how he was doing; ever since you came home, you only talked to Sam when Dean would call him and have him on speakerphone. Even then, Sam was instructed not to speak about cases he was working on. Dean had a theory that possibly COVID was stress-induced, but you know it wasn't.

"I am good, making my way back to the bunker. I have a case in Wisconsin, so I'm in your area. I was thinking of seeing you guys once it's done."

"Oh yes, please do, Sam. It's been ages since we've hung out together. I feel like a movie marathon is needed."

"Yeah, if you're up for it. Dean tells me you get tired easily. Is anything else not the same?"

"Umm…brain fog for sure; I lost all memory of the week before I went into the hospital. Some things don't taste the same. But honestly, Sam, can we not talk about me for a bit. Tell me about the case in Wisconsin; what are you hunting this time." You inquire, done talking about yourself, need a distraction, and avoid asking Sam what you want to know.

Sam, being the best friend, a girl could ask for, knew that a distraction from your symptoms was what you needed, and although it would be breaking his promise to Dean, he could hear it in your voice, the need for some kind of normalcy, at least what normal is considered for us. Giving you all the details, you can come to the same conclusion that it was a vengeful spirit and a simple salt and burn job is in order.

Once Sam is done talking about Wisconsin, a lull in the conversation forms, and you look at the clock to see Dean should be home soon. "Sam, can I ask you something?" You feel slightly nervous and try to figure out how to phrase your question.

"Of course, you can ask me anything."

Taking a breath, you wait a second before asking, "How was Dean when he found out I was sick? He said he 'took himself off the board' and has been hovering since I got home. He's gotten better, but those first few days, it was like he was a different person."

Sam can tell by the last statement that you're trying to bring some levity to an otherwise heavy question, a question that he is surprised you have to ask. taking a breath, he thinks about how to say, ‘You idiot, he loves you! and you love him!'

"I am glad to hear that he's lost up the reins a bit," giving a chuckle, "but honestly, Y/N, he was devastated. I know he's my big brother, and he tries his best to hide his emotions, but I could tell that night when he called to tell me what happened, he was scared. Scared that he was going to lose you, scared that he might have caused this to happen to you."

"How could he have caused COVID? I mean, I get he sometimes can have a big ego, but, come on, he can't cause an infection."

"No, but he thinks he has been asking too much of you, wearing you down. I can't say whether he's right or wrong. You and I know you occasionally burn the candle at both ends."

"Yeah, I am trying to get better at that. But Sam, he was treating me like I was 90 years old. He wouldn't let me do a thing around here. And did he tell you he cleaned my house—my whole house—before I got home? I mean everything."

"Oh man, I am sure you were not happy to hear about that."

"Your damn right. I wasn't."

"Look, it's not my place to say, but I will tell you this, remember that night when you and I got a little tipsy, and you might have let slip your feelings for a certain green eye hunter?"

Fuck, of course, he remembers that night; that was right after you had helped him and Dean take down a wraith, and Dean was out on a beer run. "Yeah, you asked me why I never seem to be dating anyone, and I said I can't be with the one guy I want, so why be with the wrong guy at all."

Sam waits for you to connect the dots, and although you're not sitting in front of him, Sam has a feeling you're making the connections: "Let's just say Dean has the same idea, and he has his eye on a hazel eye researcher that he thinks he can't have."

You're about to protest Sam's statement that Dean has no feelings for you other than sibling love, but before you can, you hear the front door open and Dean yelling, "Honey, I am home," sweetly.

"I've Got to go, Sam. Talk soon," you say, and hang up before he can reply.

*********

Sam's words kept rolling around in your mind all night, distracting you from Dean. During dinner, you were quiet, letting him lead the conversation and not making it known when he mentioned Sam might be stopping by in a day or two that you two had talked earlier. "Oh, okay, sounds good." you responded, still thinking, 'He has his eye on a hazel-eye researcher that he thinks he can't have.'

Dean went for girls that were the complete opposite of you, blonde, curves in all the right places without an ounce of fat to be seen, the girl that guys walk across fire for, not the girl that they run into fire to get away from. Not the girl who is socially awkward around strangers, who can put her foot in her mouth easier than anyone, and who has more of a backstory than is worth mentioning. No, Dean goes for simple, noncomplex girls, which makes sense, given his life is entirely of danger and complexity. Why go for a girl to add to it.

Dean can tell your mind is elsewhere, and he is slightly worried that you're lost in your head or that this might be another symptom. "Hey, space cadet, you with me? Because if you're not watching the movie, I will gladly turn it to something we haven't seen twice this week," he jokes, hoping to make fun of the situation.

His voice shakes you from your thoughts, and you look over at him; his eyes have just a hint of worry to them. The blanket across both of you, him in a simple white t-shirt and sleep bottoms, you in gray leggings, tank top, and open cardigan. Perfection, you and Dean cozy up on the couch, not a care in the world, him teasing you about your love of disaster movies, and you forcing him to watch the same one repeatedly, and he does; why? Because he loves you. He loves you like a sister, a friend, someone he cares for, just not someone he’s IN love with.

"yeah, sorry, I think I am just going to go to bed." You shake off that last statement: he's not IN love with you. God, you really know how to cut yourself deep, don't you? Getting up from the couch, you grab your water glass and head towards your room.

Dean gets up with you, "here, let me help you," he says, walking around the couch and placing a hand on your lower back.

This is the last straw, the final statement of his wanting to help you, again treating you like you're helpless. "Stop! Just stop!" you yell, feeling yourself boil with rage you knew you had been keeping at bay. You know his hovering is with the best intentions, but for you, it's blurring the lines between what you want from him and what you know he can give you. Your mind won't let it be accurate even after what Sam told you today.

Dean stops his hands from touching you, standing still like he is frozen in time. "Y/N, hey, I just want to help. You look tired, is all." His voice is soft and sweet.

He’s trying to placate you, like he would a child or grandparent, "Dean, I am fine; I can walk ten feet to my room on my own and not get lost or fall down, okay!" You lock eyes with him and see his face fall, and in that moment, you know that he's hurt; you've only ever yelled at him when you were injured and need him to find you. But that was screaming for him, not at him. You know that you should feel bad for your outburst, you do, but you know that this is not real, that this ideal version of him and you playing house can't last.

"What is wrong? Is this another symptom? Did something happen while I was out?" he asks, wanting to understand your sudden change since this morning. You start walking away from him, wanting to get into your room and away from him, knowing he will get the truth out of you. You don't want to hear his excuses or him placate you even more about why he and you will never be a thing.

You turn halfway down the hall to look back at him, standing there watching you. "No! It's not! I am a capable woman who can take care of herself. Stop treating me like I am dying, Dean! You saved me once; that should be enough for you." Turning back, you reach your door, hand on the handle to open it, when you hear Dean.

"What does that mean?" Dean questions, his footsteps pad against the hardwood floors, standing right behind you; you can feel his breath on your neck, "I know you are capable; you are the strongest woman I know." his voice low, sending shivers down your body, you feel his hand on your arm, turning you around to face him. He sees your tear-stain cheek, "Fuck, Y/N, talk to me; what is going on? Why would you say saving you once was enough?"

Your eyes, trying and failing to hold back the tears, are now on the brink of spilling out. He needs to just let you go. You lean back against the door, knowing he took that little movement as exhaustion, and you are. You are exhausted by talking about this repeatedly, tired that he just can't let you leave, won't give up, and will go back to seeing you only when he needs something. He needs to go back to his life and let you put him back into the box of things that you don't let yourself have. Taking a breath, you run your hands over your face, wiping the tears and pushing them back inside. Putting on your brave face, "You know, Sam will be here in two days. I think you should go back with him. Go back to the bunker, and 'put yourself back on the board.'"

Throwing his line back at him, telling him he needed to return to work and that you would be fine without him. Will you, though? In time, maybe? You turned the door handle and stepped into the room, never breaking your eye contact with him. He shut the door in his face and flipped the lock, not giving him a chance to speak, knowing that he would not force his way in.

To be continued

#supernatural #fanfic #fanfiction #dean winchester #writing prompt #fandom #supernatural fanfiction #dean fan fiction #dean x curvy!reader #dean x chubby reader #dean x reader angst #dean x y/n #dean winchester angst

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gayhuckleberryinatrenchcoat · 6 months

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I can’t believe it took me so long to watch “The Winchesters” but now that I did I am NOT OKAY😭 I only started watching cause I wanted to hear Dean’s voice one more time, in a new situation and I immediately fell in love with every single character🥺

But also there are so many things that scramble my brain PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME ANOUT THIS!!

1. They SERIOUSLY used a watergun filled with holy water?! Jensen knows THE POST TM!

2. They made a HOLY WATER HAIRFLIP?!😭

3. They made a main character VERY CANONICALLY BI!!!

4. I did SO NOT expect any actors from spn to have an appearance and I literally squealed with joy every time someone new appeared I mean first the trickster, then Rowena and then Dean actually has a bigger scene and BOBBY and ofc Jack?!😭

5. They literally gave spn a new spin on that HORRIBLE end and I love that they mention that Jack has all that power and used it to give earth free will and restore everything again.

6. The “it’s time to get to the ‘there’ll be peace when you are done’” comment?!😭😭😭 I am so not okay cause YES DEAN GET SOME PEACE but also how Jensen used EVERY opportunity to reference meaningful spn things😭😭😭

7. I am not okay with Cas not being mentioned, obviously Jack must have gotten him back, why not throw in a tiny half sentence that says he’s back and they’re still besties (yeah we all know they’re husbands but if that’s too difficult to get in there cause of stupid networks or whatevs at least don’t erase him!!)💚💙😭

8. I am SO NOT OKAY with the show being canceled can we please just get it back?! I mean besides needing closure and a happy ending for Dean AND Cas, it’s so comforting to watch adventures out of this world again, even without the original characters. I will never feel as strong about the new characters cause NOTHING could ever come close to what Dean and Cas make me feel but I really love the new cast🥺

9. Also seeing baby again🥺

10. The fact that they changed the whole story of how John became a hunter but did make it still work and fit into the supernatural universe cause it’s just a different world. (Also I really like this version of John)

11. How John and Mary literally act like Dean and Cas like the parallels😭💙💚

12. Also the fact that this show made me ONCE AGAIN log into this hellhole after like 2 years of being out of here. All just because I cannot cope with spn and I need to talk to people who have experienced and feel this same insanity😭

#spn #dean winchester #destiel #supernatural #castiel winchester #deancas #supernaturalfreewill #the winchesters #supernatural family

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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 2 months

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@kimberleyjean ok, you asked for this, its cursed and I'm sorry.

So first off I'm NOT going to try to explain what Supernatural is. Its a garbage fire, and I am unfortunate enough to be one of the feral, touch-starved gays to live in said garbage fire. Its the best show ever but all of its accidental, its the worst show ever in terms of anything that was done on purpose, etc etc. You're on tumblr you know the drill

Anyway, before GOs2's "Final Fifteen", the ONLY connections between GO and SPN were:

A demon in spn is named Crowley, in an homage to GO Crowley. They are alike, but they are NOT the same character and I don't think it can be argued that they're the same person in different forms (bc with demons that would be possible). They are however both Scottish, greasy and have a deep disrespect for authority. I do HAVE a theory/hc connecting the two Crowleys but that's another post for another day. Weirdly, SPN!Crowley (who I'm going to call Fergus from here on out, bc even though nobody in spn or the fandom calls him that, it is his canonical first name) has very little to do with anything I'm about to say. Just fyi, he exists.

Secondly, The Hillywood show did a Supernatural parody back in 2014-ish. I will link it below if you're curious, but again not much in this video is ACTUALLY RELEVANT to what I'm about to say (however, Fergus is there. He's the Scottish guy)

youtube

However, the specific arcs of Supernatural that SURROUND the season/topic this parody is centered on (Mark of Cain arc, ~s9-10) are where the coincidences get weird, and ok now I do have to talk about Supernatural a bit.

mmmfffff. Okay so the Metatron is a greasy, annoying, manipulative, power-hungry bastard who lies every time he speaks, wants full rule over Heaven and will control anyone and wreck anything he can to get there....

...and I'm talking about the version of the Metatron from Supernatural. LONG tldr, Dean (buzz cut, older brother, guy who's in love with an angel, the guy who says the news headlines in the Destiel meme) takes this thing/curse/whole other mess called the "Mark of Cain" to kill this kinda super-powerful arch-demon called Abaddon (more on her later), and blah blah blah Supernatural Happens For A Bit, and due to the Mark's curse making Dean act like a total psycho (and also, its implied, slowly turning him into a demon) they try to get help from the Metatron, who had been locked up after... well.

-when God was no longer contacting heaven, Metatron ran away from Heaven and hid on earth because he thought that the angels would use the Word of God (which the Metatron holds) "wrong" or something

-later, took advantage of strife & power vacuums in Heaven to manipulate Cas (angel, deeply autistic, the guy who says "I love you" in the destiel meme, in love with Dean) into doing a spell that CAUSED ALL OF THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN TO FALL, for no reason other than the Metatron is an actual pissbaby.

anyway, Metatron claims he can help Dean, that was a lie (shocking, I know), Metatron pulls some bs including basically stealing Cas' life-force (a second time. the first time was when he was ALREADY fucking w Cas as mentioned above) and runs off back to heaven... along with Gadreel, who he has manipulated/convinced to help him take power in Heaven.

who's Gadreel?

well. he's the angel who let the Serpent (or in this canon, just Lucifer) into the Garden of Eden, and he was cast into Hell to be tortured forever or something as punishment. However, after Metatron's earlier all-the-angels-falling scheme, Gadreel (for reasons I'm not too sure of tbh) took the name/identity of a VERY highly-regarded and powerful angel named Ezekiel, who died of his injuries during the fall

^this last part is a detail I try hard not to think about. this is because the names and roles are JUST similar enough to GO's Ineffable Husbands for the implications make me very, very sad.

Anyway, Gadreel had been around spn canon before, posing as Ezekiel, possessing Sam blah blah blah shit happened

Anyway this is a whole lot of words to say that the season/s of SPN that The Hillywood Show was parodying were the seasons where the Metatron was a main villain, and attempted/temporarily succeeded in taking power in Heaven BY MANIPULATING THE GUY WHO LET THE DEVIL INTO THE GARDEN OF EDEN

and then The Hillywood Show (who tbh I almost feel bad for lmao like BRUH) got signed to produce the parody/teaser/release date announcement for GOs2. Where the Metatron...

yeah.

yeahhhhhh

I would have LOVED to see the Hillywood Show team's live and immediate reaction to the Final Fifteen because I can't even imagine what must have been going through their heads.

ah yes. the FUCKING Metatron

oh also in spn, the Metatron (its complicated but basically)severely/fatally wounds Cas, and straight-up KILLS Dean, but Dean resurrects as a demon (for a few eps at least), meaning that Metatron DID technically try, and almost succeeded in, killing both members of an angel/demon gay couple, if only bc timing lined up so that Metatron was an antagonist in the arcs where Dean was turning into a demon.

so yeah

anyway I mentioned we'd get back to Abaddon so here's those major spoilers I mentioned. I'm fairly sure these are real spoilers and not theories, since my source is wikipedia

that's the whole article, there's not much else on her on wiki (though I should really do more research on Muriel). I think I heard Neil say somewhere that he created Muriel because "he wanted an angel character, from Heaven, who was 'just nice'" but idk if anything specific has ever been said about her name.

anyway that's why the Metatron gave Muriel that book "The Crow Road" in the Final 15, why he likes her so much, and why he's having her stay on earth

"The Crow Road" is a book about the nature of Death, and Metatron is, for lack of a better/less problematic word, grooming Muriel for the role of angel of Death in the apocalypse (Abaddon being a VERY prominent figure in revelations, for those who weren't aware)

...so on top of all the other Supernatural/Hillywood-Specific coincidences, sure, let's have Abaddon too.

uhhhhh

yeah

#I also found a canon-adjacent “Explanation” for the Coffee Theory if you're interested in that as well.#its not canon and its never gonna be canon but imho it explains it just believably enough to make for some VERY good fic/hc inspo #hint: its nothing to do with the almonds (afaik)#longpost #supernatural #YIKES #the metatron #gomens #good omens season 2 #GOs2 #final fifteen #hillywood show #Youtube

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prairiedust · 6 months

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one thousand days of destiel, or cas: fuckerupper of endings

Idk why I’m crawling out from under my woodpile to write this, except that it occurred to me that in three years I’ve not rewatched a single episode of Supernatural and have at least two dozen tags yet blacklisted on tumblr, and that I am still not okay about this stupid show.

I never tried to tie up the folklore/author themes I’d been geeking out about through the last seasons, neither as the show was ending nor afterwards. I’ve been simmering now for over a thousand days. I could not even write a complete sentence about spn for all this time, and so I just left that pot on the back burner and did other things. Finished my Master’s degree. Started a new job. Saw my oldest child graduate from high school and move off to college, and helped my younger child move on to sixth grade. Watched some other shows, got a new blorbo, saw some movies, started painting again, picked up a couple of new hobbies as I am wont to do.

Today is the 5th of November, 2023. (ETA i sat on this for a bit.)

November 5th, 2020, was exactly one thousand and ninety-five days ago.

I see gifs from the show from time to time and I think to myself, wow, that scene/episode/series is completely irrelevant to my life now. I am fine and normal about everything. But if it really was, if I really was, it would not hurt so much to see the gifs and the lyric posts and the amvs when they aren’t caught in my tag filters. So maybe it’s time to get some things out of my head and onto paper.

I genuinely, nearsightedly, naively thought that since Dabb et al had been the ones writing the whole folk v author themes, and thus posing as someone we could count as being on “our side,” the folk-side of the postmodern audience, they’d honor that conceit, even to the very last shot.

They did not.

And yet… they absolutely did.

Which hurts and is fucked up, but also it’s fine. It’s fine.

In the end, the only “folk hero” (by which I mean the only force in the spn universe capable of warping the threads of the story with any permanence) was Castiel. When Castiel left the story (of his own volition, if you can find a comfortable layer of this meta pie for that concept to rest in,) the writers reverted to God Mode. Because Castiel had been their freedom, their mouthpiece, their avenue for improvisation, and so at the end of the series…

well, we got You changed me/I love you

•

and then we got “Cas helped.”

So much has been written about that pivot point, but genuinely I don’t give a rat’s ass about rewrites, producers, the cutting room floor, or COVID. It exhausts me, and I’m not beholden to writing about spn for grades or notes or any kind of other bullshit that would oblige me to do research.

I feel like… we got what we got.

So let’s criticize some media.

The Paradox:

Cas imploded— went from flexing the narrative from within to being narrated by a force from without. And I couldn’t bear to wrap my head around that for a long time. It seemed that this “twist” was beyond cruel. That’s what he got. Vanished and nerfed. For saying ily. That was what happened when he was finally in focus, fully revealed. He lost. He was relegated, along with Jack, to become heaven’s Two Men and a Truck.

It was a trick, the whole “Chuck is a writer” plotline. The Author regained control of the character that had previously been acting independently. Very Pirandellesque, very frustrating, ultimately even tragic.

So, yes, thematically and critically, having Castiel give up his Agency for Characterhood– giving up his ability to create plot for a role as a character in a plot— was ‘literary’ brilliance. It cemented his status as a grand fucker-upper of the show in a way that any show writer “authoring” a requited destiel ending would not and could not have done. Even Jack, I believe, had been “manipulated” into god-hood from within the narrative. Jack was Dabb’s grand metaphor, he was a product of Author. Castiel was… well, he was a chaos engine from the moment he walked through those barn doors.

To seal the metaphor, the writers ended up living that truth.

I really don’t know if I’m being cogent about this. I’ve been struggling to turn this idea into words for, like, ONE THOUSAND DAYS.

The folk-vs-Author themes becoming A Thing in The Supernatural Show was like a chemical reaction: once the ions had bonded, the resultant compound could not be separated back into the different materials. What on that screen was Author, what was “author,” ie show writer, and what was text-experiencer-as-author? Where did the Sam-as-magician arc go, what were we supposed to do with the semi-metatextual moments that Mary had, having been brought back into the narrative by Amara, not Chuck? Everything got so out of control. Add in a smidgen of secret-sauce-TPTB possibly superseding the author/Author, and what you get is that ridiculous mess of a final two episodes.

It’s not about the rusty trombone or the butt hole pleasures. It’s about love. And kids.

Thank you, hon. It really is. (The above line was left in this doc by my spouse. It is a quote from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I’ll allow it.)

Anyway. It was hard to see past the sound and the fury of it all.

*****

I was feeling nostalgic several months ago and took a swim in my old meta tags; I found a gem from season…10? Idk and idc, but it was from “The Things We Left Behind.”

I compared Claire to Sleeping Beauty (a tale that got a lot of use in later seasons) and wrote: “I tend to think that Castiel’s entire arc is about desperate and unintentionally misguided attempts to Change The Ending of whatever story he’s shown up in” and reading that again really kind of sucker-punched me.

‘We’re making it up as we go’ was the crux of Cas’ existence. Remember that half-related story in Baby wherein Cas got himself hitched to the Djinn queen? Remember when Jack died and the Empty came to claim him in Heaven and Cas made that terrible bargain? The last-minute attempt to gank Lucifer that actually got him killed and sent to The Empty?

Time and time again, Castiel’s go-to for “changing the narrative,” for advancing his plot, is self-sacrifice. In Chuck’s house against the archangel. The Leviathan disaster. Saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer. The Bargain for Jack in Heaven. And those times it worked out. Not without great pain for both the other characters and for the viewers, but he always came back.

And with each return, his motivation became clearer. (Picture your favorite screencap of Dean here.)

Cas’ love grew, crystalized, and then disappeared, like frost on the windowpane of a house on fire.

If they had continued the CasDean storyline, it would have ultimately been The Author IRL writing/creating/manifesting/materializing ‘destiel.’ And so by putting a torch to all of that architecture, they essentially gave everything to us. Unspoilt. Fingerprints wiped. Serial numbers scratched away. Jailbroken. Whatever floats your boat.

The confession was both affirmation and abnegation. Symbolically, The AuthorTM had washed his hands of it, but with destiel out of the picture, The Author also got his ending.

This is why “Cas helped” felt like a ‘fuck you.’ If Cas was out of the narrative, why did he come back as one of Heaven’s real estate developers? It did not fit.

And yet. It did. Because Chuck won. Chuck, or everything that an Author represents in television land– TPTB, showrunner legacies, multiple producers, a chaotic and treacherous and politically messy writer’s room, multiple incompatible or unresolvable MOs and visions— all that ends up being packaged and presented as a single unerring vision.

So I have to admit, although I don’t have to do it with any ion of grace, that in the end it was pretty fucking smart.

Destiel is ours. Destiel is the folk ending. The Author never got to touch it, never so much as breathed on it, was so far divorced from the concept that the absence thereof going forward hit us like a truck full of bricks.

Yes, it hurts that Dean was just left on the floor until the credits rolled, that there were no final words, no ensuing acknowledgement.

I’ll go so far outside the Text as to address the ‘Dean can’t reciprocate’ direction from one of the scripts:

If Dean had made a single move onscreen. Uttered a word. In Despair or either of the other two episodes.

Destiel would have been claimed by The Author.

Anyway. I’ve been collecting posts now and again under the tag ‘the endless folklore of supernatural.’ For three years, the fandom has continued to loot, to ransack, to graffiti, to create and re-create, to burn, to mix, and to distill.

There’s all kinds of things in that tag, it’s sort of a kitchen sink of everything that I thought was even tangentially relevant to folk-Destiel and the postmodern experience of creating text as a reader/viewer etc.

We turned a literary story based on an urban folktale back into folklore.

And so it goes.

I doubt I will do much more analysis of this show, even if it comes back, and I unfortunately can’t touch The Winchesters. But I can’t say I never will. I just thought three years, one thousand days, was a pretty good place to leave a marker on the trail.

—

Epilogue: About The Winchesters:

I did not finish watching The Winchesters because of something wildly, randomly, but highly personally triggering that was built into one of the episodes; however I am very sorry that it was canceled or possibly ironically lost to the WGA-SAGAFTRA strike of 2023.

“What is the maddest thing a man can do? Let himself die.” That’s the clue that leads Castiel to his hidden grace in a copy of The Man of LaMancha in 10.18 ‘The Book of the Damned,’ written by one Robbie Thompson.

I noticed from the get-go that Thompson gave Carlos the last name Cervantez. He was nodding to the self-immolation of the last cadre of writers of Supernatural and stating clearly that he was holding a pen, not a match.

Want some very fun and amusing and wildly pertinent facts about the Don Quixote books?

The narrative conceit of Don Quixote IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL is that Cervantes claims to have found a manuscript by a historian named Cide Hamete Benegeli and Cervantes thought the story was pretty neat, if a little rough; Cervantes retells the story for us from what he’d read by that author, distilling the “original” into the book we experience as Don Quixote the Man of La Mancha.

The final words of Cervantes’ Part One are “perhaps another will sing with a better pick.”

Later, someone publishing under the pseudonym Alonso Fernandez de Avellaneda wrote their own part two, feeling that the original author was taking too long to get their ass in gear (or judging by their own preface they felt that Cervantes had not even done the original story justice in the first place. Which is A Mood.)

So when someone actually did have the audacity to run off with his characters and commit word crimes with them, Cervantes absolutely obliterated the dude in his own Part Two.

Thompson left Spn after season eleven. But, lest someone think this is a commentary about fan fic, he also wrote the episode Fan Fiction. So anyway all the Cervantez-Cervantes business was certainly something.

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ananke-xiii · 4 months

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My ranking of SPN seasons (based only on their PLOT) pt. 2

In my previous post I'v covered the following:

15: Season 14

14: Season 15

13: season 7

12: season 3

11: season 6

Let's continue!

10. Season 13: this season was a HUGE disappointment to me. The first 6 episodes are brilliant, the writing is excellent, the actors gave their best performances, the scenes were well thought out, the pacing is slow but keeps the audience interested. The plot is intriguing: the heroes are mouring the death of Castiel while trying to both find a way to find their mother and to take care of Jack. In the meantime, the audience comes to understand that there's a new player in town: The Empty. It's mysterious, it seems evil, it seems total. I'm hooked. However, after episode 6 the plot sort of changes, it's like the first 6 episodes were a completely different season. By the end of season 12 we were already introduced to the existence of a parallel world and after episode 6 of season 13 we kind of explore more of it. The plot goes in that direction: the heroes must go to the alternate universe to save their mother. However, frankly, it's all very messy and overly complicated. I'm usually super pro AU, different timelines, same characters but from parallel realities and the like, but this time I was not engaged. I felt quite let down by this season (which also ends in a ridiculous battle that, once again, undermines everything that was said&done in season 5 but OKAY!).

9. Season 12: this season is a bit of a mystery to me. The main plot is: find Lucifer, consequently find Kelly Kleine and ultimately find Lucifer's son. So far so good. I like it. Clear, linear yet stimulating. The subplot is Mary Winchester and the British Men of Letters. Now, while I enjoyed Mary's character I utterly hated the whole BML arc. Just hated it. That Ketch? I hate him. I have no rational reason to explain why but I really hoped he would be killed off by the end of the season but surprise! He'll stick with us until season 15. Not amused. To be fair, the BML is not really a subplot, more of a parallel plot in that it has no correlation whatsover to the main plot. Also, some crazy shit happens in this season like Dean and Sam get caught by a super special police force, are imprisoned for like 3 months or something? unalive themselves, come back to life by making a reckless deal with Billie the reaper, and then go back to normal and no mention of it all is ever made. Well, okay writers' room. All in all, I gotta say that I place this season here in my ranking because it has some amazing episodes and the ending is a bomb. So I gotta give credit where credit's due.

8. Season 1: hear me out, I know that for some this is an iconic season and, honestly, fair enough. But, as any other season 1 of the majority of TV shows, the plot is not exactly exciting? Sure, we get to know our heroes and their backstories, but there are no allies, no other interesting characters, the 2 heroes seem to be living in a vacuum. The plot is simple, clean and intriguing enough to keep you watching, but it doesn't exactly keep you on your toes.

7. Season 10: oh my, oh my. Season 10. WELL. I have to confess that I hated this season with a passion. This is where I was tempted to stop watching Supernatural. I'll tell you why but first, the plot: Sam and Cas try to save Dean from the Mark of Cain. The subplots? Cas trying to bring angels back to Heaven (?), then the whole Castiel/Claire arc, then again Castiel vs Metatron, the mini and insignificant arc centered on Cole... Many, too many for my taste. The effect is that all these subplots are smoke in the eyes to cover for the total absence of creativity to solve the Mark of Cain plot. HOWEVER, however. Since I hated it with a passion, I've decided to watch some episodes again and to read some meta about it. And I gotta say, I was not paying attention. Sure, the plot is what it is and I won't change my mind about it, but ACTUALLY what happens in this season is that the REAL plot is characters' development, specifically Dean's and, to a lesser degree, Cas's. It also makes more sense if you understand that the whole season is about the Dean-Crowley-Cas love triangle. If you get that, you will enjoy the season. I didn't and, as a result, I didn't quite like it. But I gotta be honest and say that the writing for this season was pretty good. Finally, like season 7, this is a connecting season, it prepares us for season 11 where the real prize is. So, in retrospective, I think it deserves ranking number 7 because it didn't give us anything substantial in terms of events but the characters grow a lot after this season so good for them (and for us).

#supernatural meta #spn analysis #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #crowley #spn season 10 #spn season 13 #spn season 12 #tv series #ranking #supernatural

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wigglebox · 1 year

Text

Thoughts on the SPNWIN Finale

Okay so I’m gonna divide this into two parts: Implications for the future of where this show will go, and then implications for a potential continuation.

**This is me writing after only seeing the episode once and then popping through here and there to try and remember things, but I may mis-remember or misinterpret but I wanna get these first thoughts out of the way!**

First off, just to quickly summarize my thoughts at the top: I really loved it.

They had a hard hand dealt with this show, which is, only 13 episodes and no promise of a season 2. Because of that, they had to write it in a way that both closed this season but kept the door cracked open for more season. It’s a very very hard balance to do, but I think they still did it.

To me, I have a lot of questions, but I LIKE having questions because that draws me back for season 2. And, if done properly, it can also lure people into the continuation.

Implications for the future of SPNWIN

This episode was a whirlwind so I apologize if I mis-remember anything!

I think the key thing that I took away from this in terms of future potential was the journal. They have Dean’s journal in the sense that Dean and Sam had John’s journal.

John and Mary take off in the end but I have no doubt in my mind Lata, Carlos, and Ada will all come back and play a part some how as well.

Which, by the way, the fact that this Carlos was THEE Carlos that was referenced in a Robbie episode a million years ago is so amazing, idk why. Robbie you madman!

But, now we more or less have the confirmation that this isn’t truly our world, however we are going to be sticking with these characters in the future. Therefore, I don’t know if that means they’ll be universe hopping too, I don’t know if it means they’ll uncover more mysteries from Dean’s journal? I think that’s likely. I also think that will be fun.

I also ALSO think that will provide more world building for the continuation, like this season already did.

There is the obvious issue in the room of that being there were only 13 episodes and this may have felt more like a mid-season finale rather than a finale, however not being promised a season 2 has had to have been thee most annoying thing to write around.

But, for a first season, it set up some solid base foundation work for them to continue to explore more stories while also not screwing around with canon.

There are still questions I want answered and who knows when or if they’ll ever be answered. The biggest one, however, is what on earth is in that journal?

I have more questions but I need to rewatch the show to form them so they’ll be in a follow up post most likely.

Another question I have is: Was that really Dean from start to finish? The hair is the biggest thing for me bc J finished filming Big Sky and there was no reason not to cut it, or use a wig of some kind [lol]. But also in general it felt different a little bit. Like it’s still him but also it didn’t feel like him from the pilot and from the photos we were seeing. But it really may well be him all along! I imagine that’s part of the mystery.

I don’t think we’ll see him again, or if we do, it’s not going to be the same version. I think he served as a launching point. Several friends have made this point already but basically he laid the foundation for all this multi-verse stuff and now the kiddos are on their own and there’s a lottttt to explore.

Again, I have to rewatch in order to fully form my thoughts on the future for the show.

My question is gonna be basically are they going to explore different universes? And, how, if Chuck kinda offed all of them? But I’m okay with my questions for now because I like to go with the flow of the show. I don’t want to figure everything out right now.

Implications for a SPN Continuation

I’ll talk about this first since I have some frens who were disappointed that 1) Cas wasn’t with Jack and Bobby and 2) Cas wasn’t mentioned.

If you’re new around here, then I’ll cut to the chase now: I am a full on “Cas Is Not In Heaven” believer. There are several reasons why. I am also a “Chuck Won” and “Jack is Chuck” believer. Also several reasons why.

I don’t believe Cas is in Heaven because they never showed him getting there. “Well Jack got him out of The Empty,” is one of those things that I’ll believe it when I see it, because otherwise, it’s too shady for me. Cas was last taken, alive, to an Empty where everything else was awake and alive and taken on behalf of a deal, not because he died. The Empty has wanted Cas for a while, and has been pissed that he’s gotten out. Cas is a PRIZE for The Empty so I don’t really see it giving up Cas any time soon for any particular reason.

Especially if that reason is Jack.

I don’t believe The Empty likes Jack either, especially after their last interaction being so bad (Jack exploding in The Empty, waking everything up). I don’t feel like The Empty is willing to do any favors for him.

God isn’t supposed to be able to influence The Empty but I think, since Lilith and Lucifer were brought down, that Chuck and The Empty had an arrangement. And from 15x18 to 15x20 I had literally no reason to believe that Cas, a threat to Chuck, would have been let go for any reason, even if Jack was “God” now.

It would have been sloppy story telling, in my opinon, if they tried to explain how Cas got into Heaven in such a short amount of time, and would have extremely taken away from the emotional magnitude of 15x18.

And that’s how I felt with 1x13 of The Winchesters.

If we had seen Cas I would have been upset, I think. Because again, there’s no explanation for him being there. If it wasn’t going to be a *wink wink nudge nudge* thing like “We’ll explain it in the continuation” then I didn’t want it.

The reason why I feel so passionate about this is beacuse of the Chuck Won theory. And because of that theory, and how Cas’ role evolved over time in Supernatural, I don’t believe Chuck can “recreate” Cas. Because Cas exists outside of Chuck’s narrative, and isn’t beholdened to Chuck, that means Chuck can’t reproduce Cas. It’s just never going to happen.

And I feel strongly about Chuck not being able to do that SPECIFICALLY because when all is said and done, I don’t EVER want Dean to look at Cas and wonder if he’s real or not (throwback to 15x02 anyone?).

Therefore, I did not want to see Cas in The Winchesters except for very very very specific ways that I knew deep down wouldn’t happen because this isn’t the show for that.

And I’m sorry I wish I could go along with the Cas in Heaven memes because they do make me laugh — but also the thought of him being there with no explanation and still not showing up makes me more sad than not.

And that’s another thing—

With 15x20, and no Cas, there had been conspiracy after conspiracy for the last two and a half years as to why, everywhere between network censorship to Misha secretly filming and then them not showing anything. I’m personally more inclined to believe a mixture of: Censorship (Dean can’t reciprocate so what’s the point) and a deliberate choice on behalf of Dabb. But that’s for a different post because this is already very very long.

But, him not being in the finale — while it fed into the Chuck Won theory — it also didn’t have enough stability to truly land on one theory or another because COVID restrictions were also blamed (in whatever manner people saw fit to blame it).

However, NOW — with Cas NOT showing up next to Jack and Bobby — even tho in 15x20 Bobby said that Cas helped Jack — was very LOUD to me.

So what does that imply, to me?

1) No Cas until they have the time and space to put the story and emotions into it that it deserves. AKA — since I’m a Cas Is In The Empty believer — A rescue, by Dean. Even Jackles at JIB11 said that he’d want to explore that. Both of them have expressed an interest in exploring a follow up to 15x18. They can’t do that in the season finale of a spin off show that hadn’t mentioned them virtually at all (apart from parallels) all season.

2) No Cas because Cas isn’t there. I’ll get into my “Jack isn’t Jack” thing in a second, but because there was also this choice not to have Cas there — once is a mistake, but twice? Now it’s starting something. Especially since this time, they DID have Jack there. It’s like they’re showing us a Cas-shaped puzzle piece missing. The piece may be missing but you can clearly see the hole and know what’s supposed to be there (kinda like Dean’s reciprocation!).

To me these are interesting storytelling tactics. And that’s what this is, storytelling.

I feel like maybe we lost the plot a little bit, we being The Fandom, in terms of long-term storytelling efforts.

Cas being in The Empty still really does open up a TON of plot ideas for a continuation. Is it sad he’s not with Dean right now? Absolutely. But I’d rather have them apart than have a flimsy, unexplained reunion just to have a reunion.

“They didn’t even mention Cas,” and yeah, maybe they could have, but as friends in Discord servers have pointed out, that also locks them into a story that they may not be able to tell so it’s better to keep it like how it was in 15x20 where Dean never spoke his name. That is, it adds to the uncanny valley of it all.

Jack isn’t Jack

Look at this lovely post. This reminds me of the first time I was ever exposed to Chuck Won, Chuck is Jack theory way back in ... I want to say December 2020. Someone had compared Jack’s clothes to Chuck’s, and here we are again.

Also these tags from @clarkenting

Jack didn’t feel like Jack. He hasn’t felt like Jack since 15x19.

I already freak out and ramble a lot about Chuck Won when it comes to Becky’s Notes in 15x04 about “no one even mentions Cas” and the line about rock music and the like. But another note she made was regarding the villain’s monologue at the end and how it kinda sucked. Jack had a monologue at the end. Jenny, in 15x20, said 8 words.

So Jack post-15x19 has always been suspicious to me! And last night was no different, especially since it’s the most Chuck Like he’s looked.

Also, another thing that got me, was the reference to Carry On (the Kansas song). It felt super duper pointed and not just an Easter Egg but like — hey this IMMEDIATELY reminds me of 15x20 and how Dean was like, weirdly, “I love this song!” a little too out of character in heaven as he began to drive off.

Dean’s favorite band isn’t Kansas, it’s Led Zeppelin.

Also, the reference felt like a fourth wall break, something that Chuck would do.

So no, I don’t believe that Jack was Jack last night. I’m sure if I go through the dialogue, which I plan to do lol, I’ll find even more reason to believe that.

Another thing that confused me was Bobby being there. Dean drove off, alone, and was continuously shown alone, throughout his drive. But BOBBY was there last night? Confused I am. But in the good way.

We know now that Baby can hope planes of existence so I really really hope she can hop into The Empty.

I’m someone who believes that Dean’s “Heaven” is in reality just The Empty. Or, as sometimes my friends will hear me call it, Chuck’s toy shelf. I am also someone who believes we DID see Chuck in 1x08 as part of the band and it wasn’t just a Rob cameo. Rob’s character has too much implication to just casually toss him in as a background character.

This is super duper long, and I apologize but also not really!

Some final thoughts (for now) (any follow up posts I make also will be under #spnwin thots):

I think this finale set up things for both a season 2 AND a continuation. I’ve been a contination believer since literally the SPN finale finished airing. At first it was a way to cope, but then it became a full blown belief for me the more and more first Jackles talked about it, and then the rest of the cast.

I’m really excited for season 2 of The Winchesters should it happen. I really hope it does. I personally believe it has a high chance of migrating to HBO Max for a home — and if that’s the case that’ll be awesome bc I also believe that’s where a continuation will go.

All of our favorites of the season will be in season 2 as well. We will see Carlos, Lata, Ada, Millie, Betty, Tony, etc. back. There are still questions about their characters too that we need answering. I’m still suspicious of Betty!

I liked that they contained this just enough for the finale just in case they don’t get a season 2, but still left dangling plot threads to catch for a season 2 (which felt very season 15 of SPN to me. In my eyes, they really did leave some things dangling for a continuation.)

What kind of potential world building will we get now that we know space and time is but an illusion, lol. I like the prequel being used to expand worlds more and expand the canon more, especially when it comes to hopping planes of existence.

Is The Empty really the big villain, or Chuck? I personally think so, and I personally think that this will help funnel some stuff into a continuation.

“What about Destiel” yes what about Destiel? That’s a continuation problem but one that I know Jackles and Dee and whoever else will be involved will ultimately tackle as well. I may have more faith and optimism than others, but that’s because I know from past experiences from SPN that I won’t be burned no matter what happens — so if you need me to clown for you, I can!

What about the Akrida? Do they just stop at this place? Why this particular storyline? What’s going on? We already have alternates to our own timeline that is the Akrida did not finish off our Men of Letters, Baby got into John’s hands via a car dealership (well, according to Chuck anyway), John didn’t know about hunting in our world, etc etc.

So what else is different? Will they see OUR world? Who is dead, who is alive? Is Chuck gonna send them to other places too?

Only time will tell I guess!

Time to light those manifestation candles for season 2 and a continuation!

#long post #very long post i'm so so SO. fucking sorry #spn #spnwin #spnwin spoilers #spnwin thots #spnwin finale #i wrote this all in a frenzy and before i could grab starbucks #and i'm running on 3 hours of sleep #so i apologize if i missed anything #again anything additional i wanna talk about will be under spnwin thots #walejaflwkejfw #time to go on areblog spree

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ltleflrt · 10 months

Note

can i ask - what are you thoughts on the current anti-shipping phenomenon in fandom? I've recently gotten into SPN fandom and fallen in love with your fics, but the state of the fandom puzzles me a bit.

Anti-shipping is not a SPN fandom phenomenon, and maybe it seems to be a bigger deal to you because it's a bigger fandom? Wincest and Destiel shippers have been at war since episode 04x01 aired lol...we even have derogatory names for each other: Wincels and Hellers.

(Jokes on the Wincels, because Heller is a fucking awesome name.)

(Wincestiel shippers are fandom unicorns, and they deserve love and respect.)

I've only been involved in fandom since 2011, so most of what I know about anti-shippers comes from piles and piles of posts talking about fandom history, but the gist of it is that this is not current, it is ongoing since the dawn of fandoms, we just have names for it now. Think about Spirk back in the 60s...there were lots of rabid fangirls who saw nothing romantic between them too. We just don't hear as much about them, because they lost their fandom war lol

It's just really loud right now with the rise of conservatism, fascism, and terfs. And social media amplifies all of the above.

Anyway, my thoughts on anti-shippers is that they need to grow up and mind their own business. I am a pro-shipper, which means I believe that anyone has the right to love any ship, no matter how problematic, no matter how much it squicks me out. I believe everyone should be allowed to read whatever vile smut they want, because thought crimes are not real.

Unless a real person is being hurt, have fun.

Antis claim that problematic ships and kinks hurt people, but I think it's important to understand that there's a big difference between accidental and deliberate harm. And harm mitigation is highly important in a world with 7+ billion people and 7+ billion different lived experiences.

If an anti-shipper is hurt by a ship they don't like, they need to learn how to block and filter content so they don't see it, and on the opposite side of that, the vile shippers/kinksters need to tag their nonsense so that they're not accidentally burning someone's eyes out. Which most people ARE kind enough to do. They sit around in their little ficcing circles and cackle over the evil things they're putting their blorbos through, and they put up warning signs, but the antis come barging in to bug them anyway.

In my opinion, many antis are big fucking bullies and do a lot more harm than they claim to try and prevent, and they can all go fuck themselves with something hard and sandpapery.

So uh... yeah, that's how I feel about it 😁

(okay actually I'm not done, there's a lot of anti-shipping discourse about age gaps and what counts as incest that are just... really fucking stupid, and I honestly believe that shit started out because people were grasping for straws to justify why their ship is better than the ship they don't like. unfortunately, the youngins have been soaking up that moral purity language as Objective Truth because they're little sponges. i hope they outgrow that bullshit eventually. i will forgive and forget if they leave behind their purity police badges.)

#ltleramblings #reply #anonymous #purity police #anti shipping #pro shipping #yes i do enjoy the 'problematic' stuff myself #i don't like wincest at all #but i respect people's rights to ship it #i mean i ship cas/jimmy as twins soooooo #pot kettle blah blah blah #someday i want to write a darkfic that alienates my reader base #oh the darkfics that live in my head #i just can't seem to get them out of my imagination and into a fic #the two times i've tried they turned oddly romantic #HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?#THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DIRTYBADWRONG #sigh oh well

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bexism · 8 days

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Hi! This is going to come 100% out of nowhere and going to be super long and maybe a bit awkward but I just felt like I should tell you this lol. I feel like we never really get to know with the internet how we effect other people...so here we are.

So I can't remember how I first found your videos like 12 years ago on Youtube but I was absolutely obsessed. I think I watched pretty much anything you posted for Sherlock/Supernatural and followed you on Tumblr. I was going through a really tough time, and your videos/posts helped me! It was around then that you started to post about something called Roosterteeth. I didn't care too much, but noticed it. Then at some point in like 2013, I remember thinking 'I'm going to look into this thing. If the person I follow that also likes SPN/Sherlock/Your Beautiful/etc also likes this...maybe I'll like it.' Thats not something I do, like ever. But since I was so into your videos, I decided to give this thing I had no idea about a chance. I didn't play video games, didn't even know what Minecraft is, so I took such a big chance and started from the beginning. I went down that rabbit hole fast.

Flash forward next summer, I'm a Guardian at RTX in Austin for the first time. My first time ever travelling 100% alone, and to another country! I had the absolute best time. I continued to be a Guardian from 2014-2019, made amazing memories, tired things I never thought I was capable of and made lifetime friends. I also, to bring it all around, was drunk in Austin after RTX and wandered into Jensen Ackles lol. I would have thought it was a hallucination except others saw him too.

When I first started as a Guardian at RTX I was a VERY shy nerd lol, but RTX really helped pull me out of my shell, to the point that I became a manager of sorts there with entire teams working under me. This confidence stuck with me until now, where I am comfortable doing things I never would of been before. I'm comfortable in crowds, in parties, on stage, etc. I like video games now, which I didn't really before. It's completely changed my life. Not just that, but being a Guardian at RTX helped me pull through a severely traumatic few years of my life.

I don't know what would have happened without RTX. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't decide to follow you on tumblr like 12 years ago. I don't know what would have happened if I didnt take a random chance on your interests being similar to mine. But, my life would be very different.

Anyways, I'm done now. I don't know if you'll ever read this, and thats okay! I just saw you again on Tumblr and wanted to let you know that even though it was completely unintentional, and maybe a bit coincidental, you have changed some random girls life :) For that, I really hope you have an amazing life too!

holy crap i just woke up and i'm really emotional, thank you so so much for telling me this. i never knew making silly little vids on the internet could have such an impact, i'm so proud of you for getting out there, doing RTX and growing from it and i'm SO glad my videos led you to that journey. roosterteeth helped me a lot back in the day and to think i'm the reason someone else found them and they helped them too. thank you for taking the time out of your day to tell me this, you've made me feel incredibly special 🥹 ❤️ (also BUMPED INTO JENSEN ACKLES?? that's absolutely wild)

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sunshinereddie · 1 year

Text

8 shows to get to know me

thanks for the tag @jwilliambyers !! <3 sorry it took a little while for me to reply heheh but now that i’m back from my tumblr break let me answer!!

1) supernatural. i feel like this one is pretty obvious LOL this show…….. permanently changed my brain chemistry- for better or for worse who can truly tell,,, but seriously, i had SUCH an attachment to this show as a 13/14/15 year old and at the time it was like,, the only important thing in my life lmao. it was the best show in the world and i lived and breathed spn for many of my teenage years…. and even though now i do recognize that it’s not the best i still love rewatching spn, it brings me a sort of comfort that’s hard to explain! and when i was struggling with things as a young teenager, spn was what i always turned to to make me feel better :’) plus,,, it was my introduction to tumblr fandoms lmao so. you’ve all got spn to thank for this account i guess!!!

2) derry girls. i finally watched this show a few weeks ago and i binged it all in just a few days because everything about it was AMAZING!!! i loved all the characters so much and i loved how this show really embraced its silliness. i feel like we don’t have enough “silly” shows and derry girls is just the perfect example of an amazing silly show!!! i highly recommend it to everyone!!

3) how to get away with murder. this show was SO GOOD and so so intense,, like i was stressed out every single episode lmao. but in a good way! i loved all (well, most) of the characters and this show does such a good job of getting you very attached to certain characters……. and then breaking your heart bc of them :’) the amount of times i cried aahh!!! also, all the plot twists are super well done in my opinion!! such an insane show i was literally watching like 😨😨😨 90% of the time lmao. also, queer rep!!!!

4) gilmore girls. okay. i am both a gilmore girls lover AND a gilmore girls hater. there are certain parts of this show that i absolutely adore and that make it such a comfort show for me, but other parts (and characters…) that annoyed me so much that it actually made me stop watching the show for the while lmao. but overall i do really like gilmore girls, it’s both a comfort show and a hatewatching show to me hehehe. the vibes of season 1 in stars hollow is unmatched though!!!

5) great pretender. i think great pretender is probably my favourite anime! i love a good found family heist story so this really just hit all the marks for me hehehe and in case you couldn’t tell,,, im a very character-driven person with my media, so if there are good characters in a show, there is a 99% chance that i will just love that show regardless of the plot lmao. i love laurent and makoto and abby and cynthia so much ;-; i also just loved all the twists and turns that this anime took, it’s unlike any other anime i’ve watched and agh!!!!! it’s incredible :’)

6) mob psycho 100. mp100 is like the perfect mix of shounen with action and fighting and stuff (and all the fight scenes are AMAZING like the animation ???? it’s so good oh my god and im not even the biggest shounen fan) with like. just slice of life and it’s so perfect :’) it’s so fun to watch, but it’s such a well written and exciting story and of course. AMAZING CHARACTERS!!!!!

7) haikyuu. haikyuu was one of the first animes i ever watched back in like 2014! so again, it has a very special place in my heart :’) i never thought i could care this much about a volleyball team but i do!! also, the rewatchability of haikyuu is UNMATCHED,, i think i’ve rewatched season 2 at least 10 times because it just brings me so much joy!! and again, i don’t know if i’ve watched a show with characters i care as much about as the haikyuu characters!! each and every one of them are so well-written like it’s insane to me- they’re all so good i can’t even pick a favourite!! also fun fact: haikyuu is the fandom that i’ve written the most fanfiction for! i’ve never posted any of it, but i’ve got a LOT of little haikyuu drabbles and one shots and planned-out fics in my google docs lmao- more than all my reddie fics actually! maybe i’ll post some if anyone is interested :’)

8) our flag means death. last but certainly not least,, ofmd is such a special show to me!!! i always had a little interest in pirates growing up, so when i first heard about 1. this new pirate show and 2. this new QUEER pirate show, i knew that i had to watch it!!!! and im so glad that i did because it is spectacular :’) again i feel like this is a show that embraced its silliness, but also the serious moments and plot points were so well written and such an amazing contrast to the silliness. i love this show so much and i’m so excited for season 2!!!

thank you again anita for this tag!!! im going to tag @edskasbpraks @lemonleafloser @scrunchi @reddieswift and @transkasp and anyone else who wants to do it !!!! no pressure though :)

#doing this made me realize…… i don’t watch many tv shows lmaoo #i watch lots of anime! but not a lot of like real shows haha #ask game #tag game

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eisforeidolon · 8 months

Note

What do you think of j2 not even seemingly signing on for cons together anymore

Are you really gonna keep beating this dead horse into dust until it rises again as a bloodthirsty zombie equine of doom? Like, okay, sure I get it, trolls gonna troll, but man, I'm bored. This is the last time I'm going to bother:

J2 aren't booking ALL cons together. To reiterate, as I pointed out the first time, this is not the same thing as booking NO cons together [X]. (Current count between now and end of 2023 is 24 events: 11 with a solo J, 8 with both Js, 5 with no Js announced.) As one of my anons pointed out [X], joint M&G events have been relatively recently added as a regular thing at the cons they do have booked together. And as I and another anon pointed out [X], it would have been very easy for them to ask for at least one of the regular panels to be split to solos when Creation changed the branding/format post-SPN.

Yes, there have been multiple recent Creation cons where Jensen has announced before or without Jared also doing so now in addition to the overseas ones where cost is a major factor. But those 8 cons that they do have booked together aren't some holdover from years ago before this fallout supposedly happened, they were announced relatively recently. So I guess Jared can put up with Jensen (right up directly in person in all those joint panels, ops, and M&Gs) if it's Hawaii. Or Jibcon. Or Chicago. Or. But not the other ones just recently booked in this last wave of announcements, those are different, because ... ??? Get back to me when they literally stop doing cons together instead of people on the internet pretending only the ones they do apart count as significant because reasons.

So why is Jared not booking all the same Creation cons Jensen is specifically in this last set of announcements? Short of him saying something about it, we don't know. There could be event(s) or circumstances he's trying to plan around. Including some reason why committing to additional specific weekends just isn't being done right now - the change is a matter of recent announcements rather than being tied to the chronology of the cons themselves. He could want to just do fewer Creation cons while Jensen doesn't (they are, after all, *gasp* separate people). He's obviously wanting to do more overseas cons and he could be trying to book more of those first or instead. He could be wanting to spend more of his promotional/con time on events that promote him as a solo entity/the star of Walker as a calculated imaging/business move (especially considering what the new CW is like). There could be all kinds of other potentially overlapping reasons we're not privy to that have sweet fuckall to do with Jensen and make that much more sense because of it.

This fandom froths itself into a tizzy over its own damn shadow on any given Thursday. So it's very easy for somebody to pop on anon, stir the pot, and then skulk off until the next anthill they can try to turn into a mountain. The beauty of doing it anon is there's never any accountability whatsoever when the facts of one of these extended conspiracy speculation wank sessions eventually do come to light and it turns out fandom was just being fandom again.

#askboxery #anonymous #Jvorce conspiracy

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canonicallysoulmates · 2 years

Text

Jared made his third appearance on Michael Rosenbaum’s podcast.

The interview was done through Zoom and filmed on March 17th. More of a general conversation if you’re looking for something like info about what’s coming up in what’s left of this season of Walker you won’t find it but it did have some interesting and important tidbits so I do suggest checking it out. As always a link is provided at the end of this post.

Also as always, Rosenbaum going forward will be referred to as MR.

They jump right into conversation with MR asking Jared about how far away from home he films. Jared says they go all over the place but usually he’s only around 20mins to an hour away. Asked if it’s easier to have his whole life there or if there’s more distractions, Jared says it’s so much harder because when he would wrap up SPN and get home tired he could just get a beer and head to bed but now when he gets home he has the kids all wanting his attention. x

He once again shares the story about how Walker came to be, and how the idea came to him when he read an anonymous op ed about a law enforcement official who handed in his badge. And he went to Anna Fricke, who he knew as a friend through her marriage to Jeremy Carver, and asked if she’d be available. x

He says that when he was originally thinking about Walker- when it was in the early stages of development his pitch, unbeknownst to Jensen, was that Jensen would be Walker. Because he (Jared) was on his way out of acting; he thought he would be on as an EP but didn’t really want to be on camera. And that actually, he doesn’t want to be on camera, that he sort of wants to retire, he doesn’t want to do fittings or have pictures taken of him. *thinking about G’s instagram* Jared, hon, if you wanna stop feeling like a showpony you should think more about divorce than retirement.

And he tried to almost negotiate himself out of a deal; when he pitched the idea, Pedowitz told him that if he wanted to come back in the fold let him know and Jared said it would have to be in Austin, and he would need creative involvement, and a day or two off every episode and Pedowitz ended up being okay with all of it. But he says, he’s now so proud of his show and he’s all in. x

MR mentions he saw Katherine McNamara is gonna be involved in the prequel, and says she's gonna be on the podcast. In case anyone doesn’t know she’s gonna be playing Abby Walker, and is gonna be one of the leads of the show. Jared mentions he doesn’t know her well yet but that they did their research and background checks to see if the people they were considering were decent and Katherine has a great reputation so he looks forward to getting to know her better. x

What made him decide Walker was the thing for him after SPN? Did he have offers to lead on other shows? Jared says, no that he’s sure he had auditions available but what he loved about SPN is that they were the little engine that could. It was more a word of mouth fandom rather than billboards everywhere, and with Walker it became sort of like ‘let’s give it a shot’. And his initial motivation for filming was that he wanted his fellow Texans to be able to pay their mortgage because they started filming amidst the pandemic at a time where a lot of the world wasn’t shooting yet because of it; they didn’t know where the world was going, he compares it to when in the Titanic the band keeps playing even though the ship is sinking. So they were working not knowing if they were gonna get phone calls shutting them down, which they did get, but they wanted to provide entertainment and tell stories and provide joy and they created a season that he couldn’t be more proud of; says he’s his biggest critic but he’s so proud of Walker.

A small thing but he and MR think his first appearance on the podcast was being the one he did in 2020 when he was in quarantine before wrapping up SPN but that’s incorrect; his first appearance was actually in 2019. It’s not on Youtube because at the time this podcast was not on video but it is on Spotify. x

MR knows how overwhelming a first season can be so, did Jared cater to his needs so he wouldn’t feel overworked on set? Is that a conversation that was had? It was. Jared says they take great care of him, that his line producer and set producer fight to make sure his days are condensed so he won’t be first up and last up and having to spend his whole day in a trailer. That he’s being treated like a king (as he should be 🥰) and he’s so grateful. And I’m grateful too because this is the kind of respect and support that he deserves, and it makes me so happy that he has a crew that appreciates him❤️

The number of script pages he has to learn vary by day. He goes on a sort of ramble about how he bristles when people assume he’s a great liar because he’s an actor, and I swear for a second I thought he was gonna talk about himself as in his personal life because he starts to say “I’m not lying, I’m going through some-” and then redirects and says his job as an actor is to tell his characters truth so he does a lot of work outside of the set. That he wants to read his scripts over and over again until he gets to the point that when he gets on set he’s telling the truth. I don’t know if what he meant to say before he cut himself off is that he’s not lying when he’s acting because the brain can’t tell the difference between real and fake when you’re let’s say acting like you’re in pain, or if he was actually going to go in another direction and then his brain caught up and swerved. x

MR mentions he saw an article on twitter about the time that Jared almost missed a day of work on Gilmore Girls. For those that don’t know the story, what happened is that he was not scheduled to film for several days but Lauren Graham got sick and they had to do a last minute schedule change that Jared was not aware of; so he and his friends had stayed up late playing video games and filling up on beer and pizza, and Sadie who was a puppy at the time, he with the help of his dad had made her a little pee place on his balcony cause he lived on the third floor so he just left his balcony door open and crashed. He was woken up at like 8am by his friend telling him that his (Jared’s) manager had called him because Jared was needed on the set and he couldn’t reach him, and that’s when Jared looks at his phone and sees that he has a ton of missed calls and messages.

He says that it was more than uncomfortable, he found it scarring and it stays with him to this day. Because even though everyone on set was very nice and gracious he felt like an asshole, like he let everyone down for wasting their valuable time. And it formed who he is now, it’s part of why he goes over scripts again and again and again; the way he sees it is that if he doesn’t do a good job or he messes up a scene it’s not because he hasn’t done the work it’s because he doesn’t have the talent.

MR asks if he’s not the kind of actor that can just walk on set and learn lines in the trailer and Jared replies he’s never tried. When he walks on a set, he knows everybody else’s lines. And he shares about how when he was in highschool he used to take pride in just reading the cliffnotes and still getting a good grade but then at one point realized he was only hurting himself in the long run by trying to shortcut his way to an A, that he was just taking away from his experience and that’s the same way he thinks about learning his scenes; he’s sure he could go on set, read his scene for the first time and do a decent job but he’d just be stealing from himself. And he likes to go on set and have a good time, so he puts in the work so when he gets to set he’s ready to play and have a good time.

Sidenote: When Jared mentioned Sadie he also mentioned that Koda had surgery. Don’t know what for but I hope the doggy is okay. x

He doesn’t run lines with anyone. Says he’s a loner, that he always says that if he weren’t an actor he’d wanna be like a wildlife photographer or something in Africa (is that something you always say?🤨). That he doesn’t go out (I guess UFC fights don’t count), he doesn’t like people but he loves good people, doesn’t like being in crowds that he’s wired to be alone and beat himself up a little bit- Jared baby are you okay?

Says he’s competitive with himself - he compares himself to other versions of himself, and if he feels he hasn’t done his best, he dwells on it. x

MR: Can you/do you watch yourself and can you appreciate it or are you too critical? He answers that he didn't watch the new SPN eps when they were airing live unless he was on set with Jensen and they’d go to his trailer and live tweet or something but with Walker he does because of his capacity as EP. He has to give notes so when he watches it it's very mathematical. And he mentions he watches it with his kids which is great because he couldn’t show SPN to his kids. x

MR mentions how Jensen is the type to just go on set and learns his lines in the trailer, and Jared goes to say they have opposite methods but he pauses as he tries to remember the word method so MR says work ethics and I love Jared’s instant reaction of “no,no,no, he works hard af”; a little peak of protective Jared not allowing the implication that Jensen doesn’t work hard.

MR has to clarify that he's not saying Jensen doesn’t work hard but that Jared just talked about how he dissects everything and the work he puts in at home. Jared replies that what he and Jensen have is polar opposite methods but Jensen’s work ethic is legendary, he works as hard as somebody can on something, he just does it in a different way. Jensen would say he likes to get there and be fresh and Jared guesses that something he figured out through his own hundreds of episodes of tv is that he feels he’s giving his best when he keeps it fresh. That frankly he wishes he had more Jensen in him (*snort* I’m sure you do) because he’s setting his alarm at 4:30am getting out of bed to get on his treadmill and read, and he wishes he could find a better way to go about it. x

When Jared was talking about how him and Jensen have different methods he brought up the saying ‘don’t yuck my yum’ which means what it sounds like basically if somebody has something they like or that they’re good at don’t ruin it aka don’t yuck their yum and the reason I’m mentioning it is because MR makes the joke “I’m sure a lot of fans would like to yuck your yum” which makes Jared laugh and reach for his kombucha. He says he started drinking it because he heard about the health benefits and how it's supposed to be good for you. That the first time he tasted it, he found it disgusting but powered through it and now he kinda likes it.

Birthdays come up, MR says he’s turning 50 this year not gonna lie that caught me by surprise. x

MR asks him about a comment Jared had made where he said SPN almost didn’t cast him because he felt they thought he was too stupid. This is a storyJared told in the spn podcast for anyone who’s curious where it comes from; in the early 2000’s what casting directors were looking for were brooding, James Dean types so the name of the game was that if you went to auditions and acted like that you were likely to get the role so that’s what he did but that’s not what Kripke was looking for and the feedback they gave to Jared’s manager is that they were looking for an intellectual; so his manager proceeded to tell them about his academic achievement and they decided to give him a second chance. So the second time he goes in and proceeds to talk about literature.

He also mentions how he was in a holding deal with WB. What a holding deal is that when they liked somebody they’d get them for one show but they’d want the right to have them at their disposal for their next series of Pilots and he’d have a pre negotiated episodic pay for the next year on that show. And both him and Jensen had holding deals.

One of the academic achievements his manager mentioned is that Jared only missed one math question on his SAT’s. His SAT score was around 1490 which leaves MR very impressed but Jared’s really humble about it and says he just does well on tests but that the smartest, most interesting people he knows don’t do well in tests because their brains work on a different angle.

His SAT scores are something to be proud of and I love how humble he is about it but what I love even more is his acknowledgement that the smartest people sometimes don’t do well in tests. Because it’s true. A test is not an accurate representation of how smart someone is there are people who can cram an entire textbook into their head for an exam but the moment they put their pencil down they’ve forgotten all of it just like there are people who freeze and go blank at exam time but at any other moment could give a dissertation on a subject. x

Asked how he’s dealing with his mental health, he says he’s in maintenance right now; shares that he went to see a psychiatrist in Costa Mesa in November who did some brain scans and found his brain only has around 60% of the oxygen that it should. That his brain looked like swiss cheese and it scared him, and he broke down into tears but the doctor calmed him down told him he’s not dying, and this is something fixable, he can get better and that if he’s doing everything he’s doing now with only 60% then when he gets better the sky’s the limit.

So he’s been doing treatments in a hyperbaric chamber. For those that don’t know a hyperbaric chamber is a medical device, a more commonly known use of them is as a treatment for compression sickness which is what you get when you rise too fast when scuba diving or deep diving. And it’s a pressurized environment where you breathe in pure oxygen.

MR asks him if it actually works and Jared is honest and says he has no idea. MR asks how often he has done it, Jared replies that he had done it everyday that week, confesses he has one in his house, and it’s not cheap. He looks so cute when MR asks him about the hyperbaric chamber, he’s so reluctant to admit he has one and how expensive it is.

He’s the only one that uses the chamber because G has a thing that makes it less than ideal. For some reason, he also randomly throws in there that G’s brain is beautiful with blood going everywhere and perfect. Sure.

I can’t imagine how scary finding that out was for him, our brains are arguably the most important organ we have and I’m just glad this is something he can heal from 💛

For anyone who wants more details about hyperbaric oxygen therapy you can find more info about what it can help with and how it works here and here.

This took place on the birthday of Jared’s old stand in Matt who passed away a couple years ago due to suicide. MR asks if there’s anything he wants to say or insight he wants to share; Jared says you gotta be open. That Matt was the best dude, the smiliest guy who was going through a lot of stuff; that if you got something going on just be open. He’s goine through tough times where he’s thought if he just pushes it down further it’ll go away but it didn’t, and that he’s had a few friends who are no longer around due to suicide. That it’s tough cause it’s never the person who’s telling you how bummed they are, it’s the person who's acting normal and asking how you are, and then the next day you get the call or text that they’re no longer here.

MR: So usually the signs are tough because there are no signs a lot of times.

Jared says a lot of people who are going through really difficult times have been to places in their head that they don’t want others to go to so they just hide it. x

Does he still have Baby? Yes, she’s in his garage. He drives it but it has a leak right now. Says he has one and so does Jensen. Baby 1 went to Jensen which is the one with the big block engine that makes a lot of noise but he got Baby number 2 which is the one they used more because it’s quiet and they wouldn’t get noise complaints. x

MR asks about Jensen directing Walker. Man probably just expected a simple answer instead he got Jared talking for 5mins about how much he loves him.

Jared says that since he wasn’t in every scene he had two days off of principal production and he purposely scheduled them so they would be the first two days. Because he wanted his cast and crew to know that Jensen wasn’t there because he’s Jared’s friend, he was there because he’s a savvy and talented director. That he’s their director, not for them to think of him as Jared’s buddy tagging along to direct an episode. And because I can feel it in my soul that somebody is gonna try to twist this, this was done to ensure that the crew and cast gave Jensen the respect he deserved as the director.

So Jensen did the first two days without him on set and then he showed up on the 3rd day which was Jensen’s birthday and he was able to tell the crew that this wouldn't have existed without the work that he and Jensen put forth on Supernatural. I know I’ve talked about how much I love that he gave a whole speech but the fact that he purposely scheduled things out to be this way- that’s love people, that’s love.

Then Jared says that he doesn’t think there’s anybody on the planet that believes in Jensen to the degree he believes in Jensen 😭❤️

Which is beautiful but also may I point out how funny MR’s reaction to this is because he literally just goes ‘wow’.

But Jared doesn’t stop there, he continues saying that he has no doubt that there’s people in Jensen’s life who know he walks on water the difference is he’s seen him walk on water. Day in and day out for 15 and a half years he’s seen him with a cold, getting bad news and going back to set, a pipe bursting at their house and going back to set (and yes he said their house [“our house”] don’t believe me listen to it yourself). That he loves him dearly, always will and it’s one thing to know somebody you like is a hero, it’s another to see them and know why they’re a hero.

At which point MR says again, wow; I don’t think he expected Jared to speak with such devotion.

He continues saying that on Walker a lot of their crew say friends of theirs from other show will call and ask how's Disneyland; they have a great set but as EP and lead he has a heavy hand in setting that tone and he had the chance to tell everybody, with Jensen there, that that wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the blood, sweet and tears of Jensen for 15 and a half years as well; and for his crew to kinda honor him as well because they hadn’t had the chance to meet him yet.

And then it sounds like he says that if it wasn’t for covid Jensen would have gone by the set many times but it’s not too clear because MR interrupts him. Goddangit, Rosenbaum I get you gotta keep it moving and you gotta be feeling like you’re a third wheel in a two person conversation but just let the man gush about his husband for 20 mins.

MR says it’s amazing cause usually the last person you wanna see is the one you saw every day for 15yrs. Jared says Jensen’s a phenomenal director, actor, everything, he can do whatever he wants and do it with ease. x

For an extra punch in the feels let me go ahead and remind y’all about Jensen’s birthday message to Jared last year where he said Jared can walk on water ❤️

There’s a weird transition with MR asking about any new fights. Guess he had to come up with something to change the tone after Jared just gushed about Jensen.

Rapid fire questions from Patreon:

How was it with Jensen directing, any tricks or pranks played? It was awesome. Being able to show off his buddy, his partner in crime, his brother of many years; they had a bunch of pranks planned, some had to get kinda shelved because of covid restrictions, but they had different chair back names for each of his days. x

Fav thing about doing conventions? His favorite thing is catching up with people he’s known for a long time and some brand new people about something he’s really passionate about; it’s like walking into a restaurant and finding out someone is a fan of your fav football team or band- it’s a connection and it’s like catching up with old friends.That as he’s getting older it’s those small connections between people that really excite him. What excites him the most about cons is a. seeing a lot of the fandom, some new, some long standing and b. seeing people he’s worked with and talking about a scene they filmed back in 2008. x

Would he go back and do another Gilmore Girls show like Netflix did a few years ago? He says yes. And also shows off his gray beard hairs 😍

MR mentions he’s thinking of lightening his hair, and Jared shares the story about how one day it was just him and O in the hottub, and she was giving him a hug and she likes to scratch at his beard and he was thinking this is the most amazing thing until she pointed out the white hair patch on his beard and mentally he just went ‘ah fuck’ 😂

Advice he would give his younger self? Live life as if life is long. Meaning enjoy it, let relationships grow, let yourself grow. x

Both j2 keep talking about how the book isn’t closed on spn, how unclosed is it?

The book is not closed on SPN, obviously there’s a prequel coming up but beyond that as far as Jared playing Sam and Jensen playing Dean, if a new book is released he thinks he would be excited to help tell that story. x

There is talk about the prequel. MR asks if the dust has settled about it. Did they talk and have a laugh about it?

Jared says they had a laugh and a cry. They linked up and talked on the phone. That he loves Jensen and he has no doubt Jensen loves him back. They both rather things had gone down a different way but they didn’t and it’s not productive to say whose to blame and what happened that when you’re in a relationship with somebody it’s once you go through a hardship and your instinct goes I want to make this right or I wanna say goodbye to this and they both figured the former, they wanted to make it right. x

This is pretty much the same thing Jared said at a con a couple years ago, and it’s advice he gives to couples, that when your relationship is tested that’s when you find out if it’s worth it or not.

Jared also wants to be really abundantly clear, because he sees the twitter trolls, that nobody believes in Jensen more than he does. x

I know some people aren’t going to listen but Jared is sending a very clear message there.

To wrap it up MR asks what’s next? Jared replies: a nap. Those were his plans after this call finished to take a nap. Small conversation ensues about preferred napping clothing he says he naps in like the under armour sweats, the ones that are alleged to help with circulation. He likes being cozy so he doesn’t sleep or nap naked, he wants his shell. x

And that is the conclusion of Jared’s third appearance on Rosenbaum’s podcast! I love all the j2 content it provided 🥰

This post is really long. If you made it this far, go get yourself something to eat, drink some water, stretch, I’m gonna do all three. And if you wanna check out the podcast yourself, which I recommend, you can do so through the link below; it’s also available on Spotify and Apple podcasts if you prefer an audio only version.

Jared on Inside of You May 24th, 2022.

#j2 tinhat #this was a monster of a post to do #anti genevieve #anti jared x genevieve #because i make the divorce comment #but y'all know i'm right #mine

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mittensmorgul · 1 year

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Your posts about The Winchesters is making me consider getting involved in the community again. I'll be honest, SPN's finale hurt bad, and I haven't engaged in or even re-watched an episode of Supernatural in two years. It took a long time to appreciate the experience and not feel like i'd wasted YEARS being so invested in something that felt like a slap in the face at the end. I miss the community; I miss talking about it, being excited, etc. But I got in the SPN tags for the first time in two years today, and seeing Dean, Sam, and Cas's faces on my screen again felt like seeing old friends:'-)

Aw, heck, well... welcome back :')

I still haven't rewatched 15.20, and I don't know that I ever will. But for the first time since it aired, watching The Winchesters 1.13 actually... let me feel even a little bit okay about it.

When The Winchesters was first announced and we learned the premise of Dean telling the story to us, I was wary. If it had started off with "so I'm dead and in Heaven and learned this stuff..." I probably wouldn't have watched, just because of that. I do NOT wanna hear about Dead Dean. I still cannot reconcile the Dean in 15.20 with the Dean from the entire rest of the original series. 40 minutes of just completely erasing all character growth and then pinning him on a rusty receipt spike was NOT the culmination of 15 years of him struggling to be free, you know? I would've noped so hard on watching him tell stories from Heaven... I really didn't want to engage with more canon that insisted that travesty actually happened.

Many of us cling to our Chuck Won theories-- that Chuck's power transferring into Jack transformed Our Jack into some weird God-Chuck-The Sequel. That Chuck The Guy was just a puppet for the actual Cosmic Power and it still had its own agenda but now there was nothing for Dean to fight back against he just... gave in to its demands and played out the story Chuck had always wanted him to.

Detour time: I've spent the last few days (while being stupidly sick and not particularly coherent as a result... hooray cold medicine brain) trying to assemble all the times Chuck talked about his writing process, what he wanted from his story, and giving up quickly because it's just so much... but I recall him saying something to the effect of "that's where I went wrong, when I tried to write myself into the story." And I think that was his failsafe-- he spent all of s15 waiting for Jack to turn himself into The Perfect Receptacle for his power, to put on that little show on the beach and take on all his power so Sam and Dean would believe they'd actually won. Making everything that happened afterward just... them thinking they were making their own choices or whatever, when they'd completely dropped their guard and all Chuck had to do was throw the Random Bad Vampires at them that Becky complained about way back in 15.04. And they'd never see it coming.

So... Dean telling the story here? I still held out hope that it would take place BEFORE the events of 15.20, when he was alive, and that the goal was to tell a DIFFERENT story from the one Chuck wanted to tell.

But the way it was all set up in The Winchesters left us open to question everything we saw, everything we were being told by Dean as the story unfolded. We had to think about it week to week, and the payoff to that? That Dean has been dead and running out of Heaven specifically in search of a world where maybe his family actually had a chance to be happy? When he was supposedly in HEAVEN, also known as PARADISE, where everyone is supposed to finally find peace and happiness? Well, that right there SCREAMS "hey, so maybe paradise isn't what it's cracked up to be... maybe something is really, really wrong in Heaven, with "Jack," with the whole concept of "peace when we are done."

Dean... is still looking for something. Something is desperately missing. His whole family is supposedly in Heaven with him, and yet why is he running through the multiverse looking for something? What could be missing?

We were *told* in 15.20 that Cas was there in Heaven, but *we never saw him there.* We were *told* that Heaven was "fixed" and all was well there, but *we did not see any of that.*

What if something very much larger is very much not right, and Dean is still looking for something? He looked so dang sad in the Winchesters finale. SO dang sad. And he was very pointedly behaving very carefully toward Jack. Like he knows he's breaking rules, or possibly even testing boundaries a little bit here... and I like the wide open possibilities of what that could mean.

I really think Dean's role in The Winchesters is effectively wrapped up. I would love to see a continuation of the series just for the characters we've grown to love there. But I do firmly see it as its own thing, adjacent to Supernatural and built from it, but with the potential to be whatever it wants to be in the future, and I love the possibilities inherent in that.

But for Dean himself? He absolutely built a high dive platform for himself to dive back into his own story from here, and I would LOVE to watch that unfold, as well. And to me, that feels like Jensen's intent behind all of this.

Will it ever happen? Golly I sure hope so...

#the winchesters #spnwin s1 spoilers #spnwin 1.13

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mlobsters · 1 year

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supernatural s4e11 family reunions

DEAN And what am I running from?

SAM From what you told me. Or are we pretending that never happened?

you fucking tell him, sam.

i'm not sure what i know her from really, she's been in a lot of things. could be old old supergirl, or even her uncredited role in a seinfeld episode because those have all been seared into my brain. maybe city slickers!!

seinfeld s3e19 the good samaritan - helen slater as becky gelke (uncredited)

helen slater in city slickers (1991) and supergirl (1984)

and me just realizing in my head city slickers and when harry met sally take place in the same universe because of billy crystal and the dude the with mustache are in both.

the magicians s2e1 knight of crowns - karin konoval as the kitchen witch

AND I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT

i did not watch this season because it was post-the Very Bad Thing involving quentin coldwater, but they in fact DID NOTHING with the candy (kitchen) witch. NOTHING HAPPENED. she had quentin's blood. no nothing. the end. fuck you. *bitterness intensifies* maybe that was their little joke. i've let go a lot of my feelings about sera and how she was involved with the magicians fuck up, it sure seems like a lot of it is on the other showrunner john mcnamara (and honestly realizing how young she was when she started writing on spn had something to do with it, hell she's younger than i am), but she was involved and things like this get my back up all over again. deep breaths.

okay karin konoval has also been in 3 episodes of the xfiles - two iconic ones and one.. i don't remember at all.

the xfiles s3e4 clyde bruckman's final repose / s4e2 home (it was her 😩)

the xfiles s11e3 (2018) plus one

me: that looks like the 13 reasons why kid, but i bet it isn't, i would have noticed when i looked up the rest of the cast. oh. it is.

for something i actually enjoyed (the docudrama about elizabeth holmes, it's really well done),

the dropout (2022) s1e6 iron sisters - dylan minnette as tyler shulz

why are we getting to know this family and their issues. emotional music swelling, what are we doing on a farm, talking about zucchini.

this, i think, was a much better spooky implementation of climbing inside the walls vs that episode with jo.

ok.

now this feels like an actual homage that landed for the x-files home episode. nice little circle getting one of the actors from it too.

doesn't dean already carry enough guilt, did they really need to put 10 years of enjoying torturing souls on top of it. edgelord shit.

sometimes media crosses this line with me where i feel like it's emotional manipulation and i get pissy. like if a show is engineered to make you cry a minimum once an episode (looking at you this is us), it really puts me off and i'll lose interest. in this case, i'm heavily invested in the characters, but the angst despair anxiety etc.. at some point, i get mad about it. walking a fine line right now.

#supernatural #sera gamble #the magicians #the xfiles #hiky #spnhiky #spn 4x11 #karin konoval #helen slater #txf #the dropout #dylan minnette #spnwatch

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sakarrie-creates · 4 months

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2023 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Got an early start this year! I technically was shooting to get it done before the new year but I feel like I’m still within a reasonable window, so I’ll take it! Here’s my 2023 Writing Summary! Overall, I think I actually did okay! As usual, my rambly reflection stuff is under the cut. Happy 2024 people!

2023 Stats:

Fics Started: 12 Fics Fully Written: 12 Fics Posted: 5 New WIPs: 0 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 53,686 (55,598 if including fic outlines that haven’t been turned fic) Words Posted: 34,805 Fandoms Written For: 3 (+1 for Merlin FTH outline) Events: 4 (+3)

Posted Fics:

Supernatural (Gen): 2

When it Rains, it Pours (13,779): As part of Chuck's "reliving of his greatest hits," Sam starts having his painful visions again. He doesn’t want to believe it, but the nightmares keep coming true and now, he's beginning to worry it’s not just visions. During their last hunt, Sam could have sworn that the machete he was reaching for threw itself. Dean didn’t seem to notice anything but later that night, Sam finds a small trail of blood coming from his nose.

He needs to tell Dean—he knows that. But Dean’s been struggling a lot between Chuck and losing... well, most everyone. He's just barely beginning to bounce back, and Sam was his only constant right now. He’ll just have to keep a handle on it until they can take care of Chuck. Set around s15e4 Atomic Monsters.

Whatever it Takes (1,875): Gadreel's possession of Sam has more serious side-effects than Dean ever imagined. Now, his brother is sick, hurting, and close to giving up. But Dean is determined to make this right.

The Owl House (Gen and Implied/Background Ship - Huntlow): 2

What Doesn't Kill You (Gives You Trauma) (1,737): With the reconstruction of Hexside finally complete, a sense of normality has been restored. Fortunately, that includes Grom. Unfortunately one of their own has been declared King. Hunter doesn’t even know which fear he'll have to face. He certainly has enough painful memories for Grom to take its pick. With a bit of luck and support from his friends, though, he might just make it through the night.

Frenemies (1,737): Hunter gets a mysterious message telling him to meet them at the night market. He really should have realized Luz would be behind this. Or: Post-ASIAS, Luz doesn't like the idea of Hunter suddenly showing up at Hexside and almost kidnapping her friends.

Code Lyoko (Gen): 1

No One’s an Island (7,612): Yumi is tired. XANA's attacks have been relentless and it's wearing her down. Between school, home life, and Lyoko, she's not sure how much more she can handle. After all, there's only so much weight one person can take. Except, it's not just Yumi's burden to carry, and her friends are going to do whatever they can to remind her of that.

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen (Fic), Player Appreciation Week (Art), Weird People MEP (Edit), Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), SPN Gencest Bang (Fic), Fandom Trumps Hate (Art/Fic), Mirage and Mischief Zine (Fic), and LOTS of zine apps (Fic, Art, Mod).

Best/worst title?

Best title: None of them super jump out at me, but Whatever it Takes and Between the Lines of Fear and Blame both come from songs where the song vibe/lyrics match the fic PERFECTLY. The latter is a bit long for my tastes, but it’s grown on me. What Doesn’t Kill You (Gives you Trauma) makes me chuckle too, but it’s got the same length issue as well as trying out a new style from my norm which I had mixed feelings on.

Worst title: Oof, well as usual, I didn’t particularly like most of my titles this year. I think Frenemies has to take the cake though. It started as a working title but then I got lazy and just left it when I posted. It feels so generic and not... aesthetic enough? Poetic enough? Literally no idea why it bothers me so much but it does.

General Questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I honestly can’t remember what I was expecting this year (and it’s tradition that I can’t look back at my goals ‘til I answer these questions, so it will remain unknown). I certainly hoped to be able to do more since last year was a fairly barren year creativity-wise, but I’ve also been quite aware for a while that being in school sucks out my soul makes it difficult to create. With that, I think I probably was in the ballpark of what I was expecting. I might have predicted it being more spread out, though, which is a rookie move considering that my classes are clustered haha. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I think I’d just barely gotten into TOH at the start of the year, so that wasn’t COMPLETELY unpredictable, but I did write some Huntlow (aka, romance) fics, which is abnormal for me! Additionally, I can’t remember if I discovered The Sentinel this year or last, but that definitely wasn’t expected. Just got the DVDs so I can finish watching the series! Oh, also writing Code Lyoko was a new experience (not counting my random 6th grade fanfiction I wrote in notebooks lol).

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I’m split quite a bit on this one. On one hand, I really like my Grom fic (so far) so I’m hoping that will continue to flow as I wrap it up. I also like my unposted fic about Willow dealing with Hunter’s near-death and Camila comforting her. Of those that are currently posted, though, I think I might go with No One is an Island. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to write Yumi and the other Code Lyoko characters, and considering the small size of the fandom, it was fairly well-received too!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Same as the last two years! Fragmentation’s views are hard to really predict since view counts have been down since September, but the total views has officially surpassed the overall word count at 21.4k views (vs 20.7k word count). Which is AMAZING. It’s always a bit wild to me to consider, but I’m so great people are enjoying my fic. Next is still The Problem With Good Intentions at 12.6k, which surprises me less now that I’ve seen just how alive and well the Once and Future Fandom is haha. From the fics I posted this year, it would be When it Rains, it Pours at 1.5k.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net never really got any traction, but I think I’m over it by now. As for more current underappreciated fic... I think I might actually go with When it Rains, it Pours again. Even though it had the most views, it’s a fairly long, multi-chap story and didn’t get many reviews in between chapters. That’s part of the challenge with bangs and posting dates, though, so nothing too shocking there.

Hardest story to write?

It’s really hard to say! I was struggling with burnout a lot during my zine app timeframes, but most of those fics haven’t been posted yet. It might be Whatever it Takes just cause I had such a hard time coming up with something that matched the prompts as well as my preferences. When it Rains, it Pours was also a challenge at times, but mostly in trying to find motivation to write anything.

Most overdue story?

It’s Only Natural is still very very overdue, but it’s not super popular (and is on FF.net), so it’s not one I’m stressed about. I think about A Long Ways Home a lot, though. I wanted to work on it recently, but unfortunately my writing energy needed to go towards FTH so that continued to be put off. People have left some very supportive comments on it recently, though, which I majorly appreciate!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

It hasn’t been a very writer-heavy year, which means less opportunities for writing risks. Writing for Code Lyoko was something of a risk in that I had no idea how it would turn out, but it wasn’t actually that adventurous. I also explored different types of grief in an unposted zine app piece, but I think in the end it turned out solid! My biggest risk was probably a different ficlet I wrote for a zine app. It was of young Eda and Grudgy, so both about characters I’m less invested in and in the sports genre, which is totally new for me. Unfortunately, that risk didn’t pay off. I actually felt pretty good about it, but when I sent it for feedback from a mod friend, they really didn’t like it. Everything’s subjective so it’s possible that it would still be enjoyable for some people, but suffice to say, I didn’t use it for any apps in the end.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Okie here we go! I think my goals were fairly reasonable last year if I remember correctly so I’m tentatively optimistic I’ll have some stuff to check off!

Oof last year had a bunch of paragraphs of reflection here. I think I’m gonna focus more on bullets this year haha.

Goals from 2022:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December.

-A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen-At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days-Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics?-One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

Oof, okay so apparently I was not crazy inspired this year lol. To be fair, I did do a bit more exploration in art and lots more in merch, so it wasn’t a totally uncreative year. And I doubled my word count overall from last year! Plus I did apply to a LOT of zines this year... I just unfortunately didn’t get in to nearly any of them. Next time maybe though! I’m a pinch hitter for a couple so that’s something at least!

It’s also been a year with lots of burnout and anhedonia for me, so brainstorming has been completely unachievable for most of the year. It’s been sad and I feel a little bad for my poor friends who love to brainstorm with me, but thankfully they have other sources. I’m scared to say anything, but I’ve felt more recently like maybe some interest is returning, so I’m crossing my fingers that it will still be there by the time FTH/Mirage&Mischief stuff is finished and school starts.

I actually met my goals this year too! In fact, my stretch goal had 25k posted, which I doubled in total and surpassed in written too, which is really impressive for me! Not to mention, I finished EVERY SINGLE fic I wrote this year!! That’s WILD for me. To be honest, it’s probably more a sad reflection on how I was writing purely for external deadlines rather than myself, but hey! Still got them all done and wrote a lot of words. Overall, thank you last year Sakarrie for keeping things achievable cause I actually did meet/exceed my goals!

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Well, I was a little relieved to find that I’d met them this year, so I think I’m going to try to keep things not too high again. Overall, though, I think I want to have a little more room for creative freedom in what I’m writing this year. For how little creative work I was doing, I did a TON of events, and at many times, those obligations stopped me from working on something I was feeling more inspired by. My fandom interests jumped all over this year (main focuses include: TOH, Merlin, Code Lyoko, The Sentinel, Dragon Prince, She-ra, Handplates (Undertale), and Centaurworld). Honorable mentions to Amphibia, SPN, and Miraculous Ladybug too... and that’s all just the stuff I’ve had long hyperfixations on this year. There’s tons of fandoms outside of those that also grabbed my attention on and off this year.)

Anyway, my hope is that I’ll be able to write similarly or more this year, but based on my own fickle inspiration, rather than only writing when I hate to for events. With that, I think I’m going to just stick with the Gencest Bang and zine obligations as the only writing events I’m planning on this year. I also hope to do Player Appreciation Week and Summergen again, but both of those could be art if needed.

I also 100% failed in my comments goal from last year, but my mindset is slowly getting healthier I think. I do leave comments occasionally, but they still feel like way bigger deals than they should be. I’m getting better at letting old tabs go, though! I’m also fairly behind on responding to comments of my fics, but that one’s a lot more manageable.

Additionally, I want to have a pinned post on my tumblr page and ao3 profile page where people who are interested can see my current status on projects. I don’t expect it would be updated all the time, but it might help me keep track of everything.

Okay so! Goals for next year: -Have a solid zine portfolio -Make pinned update post -Post at least 4 stories -Embrace/follow the inspiration -Finish first draft A Long Ways Home -Gencest Bang -Summergen Exchange -Code:Swap -Player Appreciation Week -Apply to more zines

So, finally work counts goals are...

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school agAIN): 60k (at least 30k posted)

Ultimate 2021 Word Count Goal: 38k

#sakarrie's fic #the owl house #supernatural #code lyoko #gen #huntlow #ao3 #fic list #2023 fics #end of year reflection #fic roundup

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