#one of these days I’m gonna have to pay taxes and the way I’m hoping to deal with that is I do it with my dad

[mildangzz]

camboy!jungwon

au where your sweet and cute co-worker has a side to him no one knows!!

warnings (?) - profanity, nsfw

>> this is gonna suck so bad because i haven’t written in forever!! sorry

—

“And that concludes today’s meeting, now get out.”

Everyone chuckles as your team leader waves his hand towards the door, everyone standing from their seats and gathering their things to leave. You stay in your spot for a minute or two, looking over the notes you made on your laptop. As secretary of one of the largest companies, it’s crucial that you keep note of absolutely everything that was talked about in meetings, organizing the next one and letting your team leader know when the next meeting was. It was quite taxing work, but it was all worth it since you were paid good. You were able to pay for anything you wanted, not having to worry about anything.

After a few minutes you finally get up and gather your things, turning on your heel quickly when you suddenly bump into someone who was watching over you.

“Ah, I’m so sorr-“ Your breath hitched when you realized who it was. Yang Jungwon. He was an intern at the office, being there for a couple months. He’s only been there for such little time yet nearly everyone was interested in him.

—

The day Jungwon entered the office was like no other: You enter the elevator, greet some co-workers and press the button to head to the floor you worked at. As you were scrolling through your phone, you heard small whispers behind you, barely making out “Really?” “Yes! He’s so hot too!” until the elevator opened. You exited and started heading to the break room for coffee when you see a new figure sitting by the table, legs crossed reading documents with a coffee in hand. You eyed him for a second, gulping when you noticed he was staring at you. He put the papers down and stood up to greet you, a bright smile appearing on his face as he walked up to you. You both introduced yourselves to each other, telling him to ask you for help if he needed any and to not be nervous at all. He let out soft giggles as he nodded, making his way back to his seat. Well, he sure was cute.

—

“Miss Y/N?”

You flinched as you looked up at him, smiling. How long were you lost in your thoughts for you don’t know, but Jungwon was closer to you than you remember. “Ah- Sorry, I dozed off for a second there.” You quickly exited the room and head towards your office, sighing out loud. He watched you as you left, slightly frowning at how sudden you left.

If you were being truly honest, he was just your type: pretty, nice, cute men who didn’t try too hard to be something they were not. After your first encounter with him, you found yourself staring at him during meetings, peeking through the break room window in hopes that he was there so you could talk to him. Well, he might be a permanent employee and you need to get along with your co-workers to be able to get work done, right?

Wrong! What started out as the smallest bit of interest turned into full on desire. You would find yourself fantasizing about him during your lunch break, thinking about how nice it’d feel to dig your nails into those broad shoulders of his, scratching his back as he fucked you like there was no tomorrow, crying out his name for more and more-

*Ring! Ring!*

Refocusing, you whine at the wetness you feel in your panties, your pussy throbbing at whatever you were imagining just now. You grab your phone and answer as you leave the office, finally heading home to “relax.”

—

You throw your bag and shoes on the floor, heading straight to your room when you realize what time it was. You glance at your clock and start up your computer. 11:57pm. Cursing at yourself, you quickly go to your favorite website, exhaling when you see “Stream Starting Soon!” on the screen.

Fantasizing about Jungwon has made you hornier more often than you’d like to admit, needing something more, not just the dildo or vibrator you had shoved in your drawer. So one night, you decided to search up some porn to help relieve yourself at least a little bit when you came upon an… interesting website. You click on the link and see multiple people on live, some being fucked into senseless, others fucking themselves with their toys or massaging their bodies for the camera. It didn’t seem that interesting until you saw the thumbnail for one. His body seemed perfect to you, so you clicked on it to see what he was doing. You ended up watching the entire stream, fingering yourself and cumming a couple times to the random figure on the screen. You pant as you type in the chat That was fucking amazing, sending some money as a thank you. You heard him chuckle and blow a kiss to the mic, that beautiful smile of his showing. “Such a big tip for just jerking myself on cam? What a pathetic whore.” He leaned back into the chair, head leaned back to show his adam’s apple and impecable jawline.

That wasn’t the only time you visited his stream. It became a daily thing — rushing home to log on and wait for the live to start, heart beating quickly as the familiar figure appears on screen, speaking directly to you whenever you sent him a tip.

Today was no different, you being the first to join the stream and sending a tip right away, him smiling once he saw you. “My favorite slut is here already? You’re always the first to join, sending me the biggest tips out of everyone, always thanking me. You’ve got manners, I love well-behaved whores.” You get so so wet at his words, pulling up your skirt as you start rubbing small circles on your clothed pussy, bitting onto your shirt.

He leans towards the camera, whispering into the mic, “What if I showed you just how thankful I am, princess?” He leaned back again, rubbing himself over his joggers as he groans softly. You moan out loud, slipping one finger in as you put your free hand on the keyboard.

> Please fuck me. I’ll do anything you want me to do.

He scoffs, tilting his head to the side. “Anything? You’re so fucking desperate, you know that? Fucking begging for my cock like that, are you not ashamed of yourself? What a whore, letting everyone watching this know how desperate you are.” You whine at his words, inserting another finger as he pulls down his pants, his cock standing erect as pre-cum leaks from the tip. Your mouth waters at the sight, pussy clenching over nothing.

> I don’t care, please just fuck me. I’ll be good, I swear.

He groans slightly, fucking into his hand harder as he pants. “Oh yeah? You want me to fuck into that pretty little cunt of yours? Want me to use you like my personal toy? I’ll fuck you until you can’t form a single thought, until all you can do is moan my name. Pretty little thing like you would fucking love that, yeah?”

You whine and grab your dildo, inserting it into your pussy quickly, slightly bouncing on your chair as you lean towards the screen. “Yes yes yes yes-“ You drool as the sight of him tensing up and moaning to the camera, closing your eyes as you imagine him pushing you over your office desk, ripping your skirt off and sliding his pants and boxers down. Inserting himself into you quickly, not bothering to let you adjust to his size as he rails into you, holding your hips tightly with one hand and the other holding your neck, pushing you deeper into the desk. The whole idea was enough to push you over the edge, cumming over your hand with a loud whine.

You look at the screen just in time to see him cum as well, the white liquid covering his lower-half and his hands. You send him a big tip again, reaching for some napkins to clean yourself up.

“Ah, that felt so good. Thank you for the big tip again, princess.” He sent a flying kiss to the camera, panting as he cleaned himself up quickly.

It’s a bit late at this point, feeling relaxed and exhausted, being unable to think straight. So what did you decide to do? Text Yang Jungwon of course!!

You reach for your phone, opening a message for him and taking a picture of yourself to send to him. He has to be a least a little bit interested in you, right? With the way he touched you, stared at you, smiled at you… There’s nothing wrong in trying, right?

*Ding!*

You look up at the screen, seeing him grab his phone to see what notification he received when he groans. He chuckles and shows the camera a picture he received, making sure to hide your face and anything identifiable. He starts slowly stroking himself again, zooming into the picture. “She can’t be serious, sending me something like that… If she knew how badly I wanted to fucking ruin her, fuck into her ‘til she can’t walk the next day at work, have my cum dripping down her thighs…”

You stayed frozen the entire time, not fully processing that what he showed was your picture. The picture you sent to Yang Jungwon. Your brain short circuits as you see him type on his phone, whining as he puts his phone down.

Just then you get a notification. You check it quickly and see;

> Miss Y/N? Are you sure that was meant for me? Haha… ^^

You take a picture of your screen, making sure to show your username and send it to him.

> You said you’ll fuck into me until I can’t walk at work, no?

Your heartbeat fastens as you watch him pick up the phone again, smirking and facing the camera as he quickly ends the stream.

*Ding!*

> Send me your address. Be there in ten.

#enhypen smut #yang jungwon #jungwon smut #yang jungwon smut #camboy

[practicingsmut]

Saturday

gamer!jisung x reader, 2.6k words, spot the sequel bait

Saturdays were supposed to be your lazy days, the kind where you stay in your pajamas all day, eat leftovers for lunch and take out for dinner, and do nothing more mentally or emotionally taxing than play video games with your online friends.

This Saturday was different.

Sana, your childhood best friend and roommate, decided that she wanted to throw a party to celebrate the advent of summer. Of course, she had never thrown a party before despite having gone to so many, so your help was enlisted to make sure everything ran smoothly.

“I only invited, like, ten people, and each of them is only going to bring one or two of their friends,” she explained as she loaded bag after bag of chips into the shopping cart. You looked at her, eyebrows raised.

“Sana, you do realized that adds up to around thirty people coming over, right? Where are they all going to fit?”

“Our living room and kitchen are big enough to hang out in. Plus we’ve got the balcony!” She pulled the cart further down the aisle towards the pretzels, causing you to stumble as you had been leaning on it.

“What about the fact that we only have one bathroom?”

At this comment she paused. “Well, we’ll just hope for the best with that.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “This is going to be an expensive trip. We haven’t even grabbed any alcohol yet, plus you said you wanted to get some pizzas.”

“Mina said she’s gonna stand at the door and collect $10 from everyone as they walk in,” Sana explained. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to pay.”

“Gee, thanks.”

The rest of the morning and much of the afternoon passed in a blur as you helped her set everything up. At one point you recieved a plethora of Discord pings, your usual gaming friends SpearB, CB97, and J.ONE wondering where you were. You merely responded that you were busy, resolving to tell them all about the horrors of throwing a party later.

Then the guests began arriving. You knew a few of Sana’s friends - Mina, who did as promised and collected the entry fee from everyone, as well as a couple of others like Nayeon and Jeongyeon. For every person you recognized, however, there were at least three you didn’t. You were pretty certain more than thirty people showed up, but that was none of your business.

You hung back in the kitchen where only a bit of the party spilled over. Most of the people were only there to grab a second, third, or fourth drink from the coolers set up on the counter. You were still on your first, some cheap cider that you weren’t quite fond of, but it was better than the other stuff Sana had bought.

“Excuse me, can I grab a drink from behind you?” A voice pulled you from your thoughts. A familiar voice. You looked at the guy who had spoken to you as you shifted out of his way.

He was taller than you, though not by more than two or three inches. His messy hair was dyed a blueish grey and he had the kind of cheeks that grandmothers would love to pinch as they told their grandkids how much they’d grown. You’d never seen him before, and yet you knew that voice…

“J.ONE?” you said, voice raising as if it were a question though you knew with 99% certainty who you were talking to.

“Do I… know you?” he asked back, clearly confused.

“Of course you know me, I kicked your ass in TFT just last night,” you scoffed. Realization dawned on his face.

“Hiraeth? Oh my god, what are you doing here?” He called you by your gamertag the same way you did with him. You suddenly realized that despite knowing him for two years, you never exchanged your real names.

You told him what to call you before explaining that this was your apartment.

“This is your party?” He was right to be skeptical; if you were the kind of person who threw parties, chances were that you wouldn’t be online with him and your other friends every weekend and most of the weekdays, too. “I’m Jisung, by the way.”

“It’s my roommate’s party, technically. I’ve been helping her prep for it all day, which is why I couldn’t get on to play earlier.”

Jisung nodded. “That’s fair. My friend Hyunjin invited me to tag along, and since we didn’t have the full crew to do anything tonight I figured why not? Kinda regretting it though, since parties are totally not my scene. Though I did get to meet you in person, so that’s pretty cool.”

“Wanna take a break from this? We can go do something back in my room,” you offered. Jisung accepted gratefully.

Your room was what you liked to call an ‘organized mess’. Sure, there were piles of clothes all over the ground, but you knew which ones were clean and which ones needed to be washed, and there were only two empty cups on your desk. Jisung stepped into the room as you locked the door behind the two of you. The last thing you wanted was for a couple of drunk party goers to think they could use your room to hook up. It also provided you with a mental barrier, letting you pretend there was nothing going on outside of this space.

“You don’t have a bedframe,” Jisung commented. You followed his gaze over to where your mattress was on the ground.

“Yeah, my old one broke a few weeks ago when I threw myself onto it too hard, and I just haven’t gotten around to replacing it,” you explained.

“Right. Well, at least you’ve got a nice battlestation. Why don’t we boot something up?” He immediately made himself at home in your gaming chair, pulling up your library of games.

“Let me see if I can snag a chair from the living room.” Jisung caught your wrist as you went to move past.

“Oh, don’t bother. You can just sit on my lap. Probably more comfortable than those wooden things you’ve got out there.”

“If you insist,” you said with a chuckle.

Jisung was right - his lap was much more careful than the chairs you and Sana had pulled off the side of the road to furnish your apartment. Almost too comfortable, you thought as you settled against him so that his chest was flush with your back. You found it odd to be so comfortable with him so quickly. You had been friends for a couple of years, but this was still the first time you had met in person.

“Yo, is this that game that SpearB was talking about the other day? How’d you get early access?” The game in question was some experimental horror game that had originally been an indie project before being bought and redeveloped by a bigger company.

“Honestly, they just emailed me and asked if I wanted the early access in exchange for giving feedback. I guess they saw how many hours I have on their other titles and figured I’d be their target audience.”

“That is so cool.”

“You wanna play? You can start a fresh save. I’ve already got a couple hours on it so you won’t have to worry about spoiling me on the content.”

Jisung did not have to be told twice. A minute later his arms were wrapped around you in order to reach the controller, his head propped up on your shoulder. It would have been a cute, intimate moment if not for the fact that he was so engrossed in the game that he didn’t even seem to realize the two of you were technically cuddling.

You, on the other hand, were more than aware, especially thanks to the growing erection you could feel against your tailbone. It had to have been a reflex caused by the friction of how you were sitting, nothing more, but it still sent your mind racing. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t imagined what it’d be like to fool around with a few of your online friends, mostly Jisung thanks to his smooth honey-like voice, and now that you’ve seen just how attractive he was, well, there was nothing stopping you from pulling him over to your bed and fucking him right then and there.

Nothing except the video game, of course.

“Shit,” he cursed as he died again. The harshness of the sound and the way his breath caressed the shell of your ear sent a shiver down your spine.

“You want me to do this boss? It’s like, weirdly hard despite being the first one in the game. It took me like six tries to finally kill the thing,” you offered.

Jisung handed you the controller, his hands hovering in the air for a moment as he tried to figure out where to put them when your chair didn’t have armrests. You gently guided them to rest on your thighs and Jisung swallowed hard.

“This is what you gotta do…” you proceeded to walk him through the combos that you discovered worked best against the boss and in no time at all, you beat him. You looked over your shoulder at Jisung, waiting for him to react.

“Would it be out of place for me to say that it’s really fucking hot watching you kick ass at this game?” His voice was a little unsteady, and you figured it had something to do with the throbbing erection that still poked at your backside.

“Only if you don’t do anything about it,” you retorted.

A moment later you were shifted to be sitting perpendicular to Jisung so that he could get his mouth on yours, the lingering taste of the cheap beer flavoring the kiss. One hand ran gently up your spine and came to rest on the back of your neck while the other gripped your hip as if he were holding on for dear life. You smiled at the thought that you had riled him up so much.

Unable to hold yourself back any longer, you pushed his hand from your hip to your crotch, sliding it underneath the waistband of your leggings and hoping he’d get the hint. He hesitated briefly before pushing past your underwear as well until his fingertips came into contact with your already dripping cunt. You both moaned at the contact.

“Glad I’m not the only one insanely turned on right now.”

Your mouths stayed glued together the entire time as he pumped first one finger and then two in and out of your hole. He wasn’t able to pull out very far thanks to the restriction of your underwear, but that just meant he was incentivized to push his long fingers further in, making you whimper as they brushed against your g-spot. Then his thumb found your clit and you were cumming hard. Jisung slipped his fingers out of your pants as you came down from your high and popped his sticky fingers in his mouth.

“I’ve got condoms in the drawer of my nightstand,” you breathed out, chest heaving from the effort of your climax.

Without responding, Jisung stood with you in his arms and crossed the room to your bed. He placed you down gently, leaving you to strip yourself of your clothes while he did the same with his own. Your hand immediately found his cock as soon as it was free, pumping it a few times while he went in search of the condoms you mentioned.

“There’s, uh… there’s a lot more in here than just condoms,” he said, blushing at the contents of the drawer.

You rolled your eyes. “So I’ve got a few toys, big deal. Now, are you going to come down here and fuck me or am I going to have to use one of them while you watch?”

Jisung’s cock twitched in your hand. “We might have to circle back to that idea later,” he admitted.

You laid back on the bed as Jisung rolled the condom down his length and positioned himself at your entrance. His tip poked you a few times, but he didn’t move to go any further.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, reaching up to take his face in your hand and turn it so he was looking at you. A nervous blush crept across his cheeks.

“Um… would you mind being on top? At least for now. I think I’d feel more comfortable with that.”

Of course you wouldn’t deny his request. As he settled back where you had been laying, you reminded him that he could tell you to stop at any point. He made sure you knew the same applied to you.

Jisung’s cock was like his fingers - long and slim and hitting you in all the right places. From his place lying back he grabbed at your tits as you rode him, fingers grazing your nipples before they were out of reach again.

“Sit up,” you gasped. You wanted to kiss him when he did so, but his movement caused the angle of how he was inside you and you had to adjust to that first. Jisung whispered in your ear, though what he said was lost completely as your mind focused on the reverberation of his voice. It had your slick pooling out of you.

“Fuck, I’m close,” he growled as you clenched around him. “Can I flip us over?”

“Be my guest.” You weren’t even sure if your words came out the way they were supposed to, but Jisung got the message.

As soon as you were on your back he was thrusting harder and faster than you had been able to move when you were on top. You instructed Jisung to open his mouth and though he was confused, he did as you asked. His eyes widened as you slipped two fingers in to wet them with his spit before sliding them down your body to rub harsh circles on your clit.

It was the squeezing that resulted from your orgasm that finally sent Jisung over the edge. You felt the warmth of his cum even through the condom and it made you wonder what it would feel like spilling down the back of your throat. You were about to ask what he thought about round two when he interrupted you.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“What?” It was just about the only thing he could have said that would have shocked you as much as it did.

Jisung peeled himself off of you and moved to dispose of the used condom. “It’s just that, well, I’ve been saying for the better part of a year that if I ever met you in person that I’d ask you. I just never imagined the question would come after we did.”

You chuckled at his joke. “And what will the boys think of us dating?”

“Honestly? They’d say it’s about fucking time. I’ve been pining over you for ages and they’ve made it clear that they’d much rather deal with the two of us doing mushy couple things than hear me sigh wistfully after you leave the voice call again.”

“You’re such a dweeb,” you said with a smile, pulling him down for a kiss. “Luckily for you, dweebs are just my type.”

“Is that a yes?” he asked. You nodded and pressed closer to him, deepening the kiss. The two of you were now kneeling, you on the mattress and him on the floor, limbs tangling around each other.

“Why don’t you hop on now to tell them the great news? It is a Saturday night so chances are they’re on. It’ll be really funny for you to pop into chat under my name.”

“Hmm, I think it can wait a bit. I think my naked girlfriend deserves my attention more than they do.”

“What if I suck your dick from underneath the desk while you do it?”

#kpop smut #han jisung x reader #jisung x reader #han x reader #j.one x reader #stray kids x reader

[afterdarkprincess]

The Devil’s in the Details (But You got a Friend in Me)- Part 2

Samijey Fic- AU From the Royal Rumble

So just a heads up- I’ve changed a few things in this fic from when Part 1 was posted. Nothing major, but if you notice anything’s different that’s why :) Those updates and edits will show up on the full version of this fic when it goes up on AO3.

Thank you SO much to @elementaldoughnut12 for letting me use her chubby Sami prompt, I hope I’m doing it justice 🥰

And thank you to @feelschicken for always being my sounding board when I need it and letting me drag you into new fandoms!

Some warnings for this fic because it is Explicit and reminder as always that my blog is 18+

This part contains: Conversations about weight gain (zero shame involved) a small Panic Attack, Oral Sex, Body Worshipping, and Coming Untouched (mostly)

Part One Here

—-

That nights' Smackdown passes in a blur, a fight between him and Jimmy and the Alpha Academy that they easily win, taking Gable down with the 1D for the pin.

Roman hasn’t given them any explicit direction since they’re still riding on the momentum of Sami’s injury, which really doesn’t sit well with Jey.

After Smackdown, the rest of the weekend is booked up with House shows, and endless hours in the car with Jimmy and Solo driving between cities.

Despite being crammed into a car with the two people he’s supposed to be closest to, Jey feels more alone than ever.

He has another week and a half before a 3 day break when he can return to Sami. It can’t come soon enough.

---

This pattern continued for a few months, Jey going to the house in Florida whenever he has a break to see Sami. The visits are never as long as he wants them to be, and the time in between when he’s working and traveling seems like torture.

Jey ostensibly has a separate home, an apartment he keeps for mail and tax stuff. But the house where Sami stays rapidly replaces it as “home” to him.

Sami has put on some weight in the meantime, what with being so well fed from Chef Uce-ardee and not being able to do much in the gym other than bulk up his arms, but it makes Jey happy to see Sami so clearly well cared for. His pale skin glows with health, who cares if there’s more of him?

Sami moans about his shirts not fitting, so Jey makes sure on his last few trips to bring lots of merch oversized. He tries his best not to think about why it makes him so pleased to see Sami swimming in a 2XL shirt with his face on it.

Jey has a tight schedule with Wrestlemania coming up, their feud with the Brawling Brutes now heating up to a fever pitch. Jey’s gonna make those bastards pay for what they did to Sami, and he’s gonna do it on the biggest stage of them all.

But that means a solid 6 week stretch through March and April where he can’t make a trip home to Sami, between press and fan appearances and shows.

Jey’s miserable. They text and call each other of course, but it just isn’t the same. Jimmy gives him a hard time whenever he steps out of their hotel room to call Sami, with a teasing “Say hi to your girl for me, Uce!” to which he just rolls his eyes and grumbles for him to shut up.

It’s hard to argue with that logic though, when just hearing Sami’s voice over the phone is the only bright spot of his days.

Somewhere along the way Jey’s feelings for Sami have became more than just a brotherly bond that comes from fighting together. Sami understands him in ways that no one else does, makes him smile and laugh when he’s had a shitty day.

He’s the last person he wants to talk to before going to sleep, and in the dark of shared hotel rooms, Jey’s mind wanders to think about what it might be like to really share a home with Sami, to share a bed and a life together. To always have the other man in his corner.

The only thing that gives Jey pause is the ever looming presence of Roman.

There’s a reason he only calls Sami from the safety of hotel rooms and the cover of night. Roman’s used Jey’s devotion to his brother against him before, made it crystal clear that if Jey doesn’t follow orders, Jimmy would pay the price.

What would Roman do to Sami if he knows how Jey feels? If Jey puts a toe out of line or talks back, would it be Sami’s neck this time?

In his mind’s eye he can see Roman with his hands around Sami’s throat, choking the life out of him as he struggles and reaches for Jey, frozen and powerless to do anything.

Would it be worth it? To love Sami but never be able to keep him safe from his own family?

“You don’t have to do this alone anymore, you know,” Sami voice on the phone cuts through the doom and gloom of his thoughts. “Whatever’s on your mind, we can work through it together.”

Jey laughs ruefully, how does Sami always know?

“Jus’ really miss you, Sami. Things been real intense lately, dunno, worried over nothin’.” Jey rubs his face with his hands, trying to keep himself together.

“It’s not nothing if it’s botherin’ you like this, Jey. Is it Roman? Is he giving you a hard time?”

It really wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, being ordered to take out opponents during Roman’s fights, taking it like a good guard dog.

“The usual, jus’ tired of fightin’ his fights, you know? Got my own fight to deal with. Gotta kick Holland’s ass for even thinkin’ bout touchin’ you.” He tries for a light tone to brighten the mood, but he really didn’t meant to sound so possessive.

Sami is quiet for a moment, and Jey thinks maybe he’s fucked everything up.

“Wish I could be there to help, you don’t always have to fight my fights too. And I gotta teach that asshole a lesson for coming at you like that.” Sami laughs, but Jey can hear the frustration in his voice.

How can Jey tell him that it’s never a hardship to fight Sami’s fights? That he would volunteer to go to war with him before being commanded to do anything by Roman ever again?

Jey’s silent for too long, because Sami’s voice comes over the line again.

“Miss you too, Jey- Just a few more weeks, yeah?”

Jey blinks away the tears that threaten to fall, trying to push down the ache in his chest.

“You just miss my cookin’, I knew it.”

“I got plenty of your food in my freezer!! I’m gonna be up a few weight classes when I come back as it is.”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with that, Uce,” Jey can imagine Sami in the house, sitting up on the couch, big t-shirt barely covering his boxers and thighs, the picture of comfort and home. “M’coming home as soon as I can,” He can hear the naked longing in his own voice.

“I’ll be waiting here,” Sami might have meant that as a joke, but Jey hears the same longing in Sami’s voice and it makes the distance hurt all the more. “You should get some sleep, it’s late.”

“Yeah, you right…”

Jey trails off, but he really doesn’t want to end the conversation.

“Go to bed, Jey!!” Sami laughs, “And tell your brothers I said Hi.”

“Those clowns ain’t gettin’ nothin’ from me,” Jey grumbles. “Night, Sami.”

“Night, Jey.” Sami’s voice is soft, and there’s the sound of his breathing before finally the line goes dead.

It would be smarter for Jey to put some distance between them, to give this up to keep Sami safe and not give Roman another bargaining chip. It’s what he would have done a year ago, two years ago.

But Sami is right, he’s not alone in this anymore. And Sami isn’t a damsel to be saved. They can fight for this together.

He’s got weeks to decide how to do this, but the next time he sees Sami, he’s going to make sure Sami knows he’s in his corner too.

---

The week before Wrestlemania arrives before he knows it, and while Jey is thankful that his time without Sami is going quickly, he’ll really only feel better once the event is over and done with.

He calls Sami almost every night, and gets text messages throughout the day of little things happening back in Florida; the birds that hang out on the feeder out the window in the kitchen, little snippets of what’s happening on whatever show Sami’s decided to watch.

This time it’s a picture of Sami in the bathroom mirror, flexing his definitely bulked up arms, the stripes of stretch marks on his full soft belly visible and tantalizing.

Jey nearly chokes on his lunch.

He’s scheduled for a one on one match against Ridge Holland on Raw, and it’s an opportunity to make a big statement and set the tone for their tag match.

It’s also a chance for him to get some well earned payback for injuring Sami. The big show will be for Sofi, but if he can get some shots in he will.

Jimmy comes out with him of course, but Solo is nowhere to be found backstage, and of course Ridge brought that mangy dog partner of his so chances of interference are high.

Jey steels himself in the corner of the ring while Ridge eggs on the crowd that’s booing him.

Technically the Brawling Brutes are supposed to be good guys to the crowd, but Sami had endeared himself to more than just the bloodline over the last year, and the WWE universe was about as forgiving for Sami’s injury as Jey was.

As the ref comes in to start the match, Ridge took a few hulking steps toward him, and spit down at Jey’s feet.

“Make sure ya tell yer little boyfriend I said hullo, been a lot easier around here without ’im. Shoulda taken ’im out sooner.” The taller man sneers.

It’s clearly meant to rile him up and get him off his game, and he tries his best not to let the rage that boils in his blood overcome him, but he sees red as he goes for a super kick that immediately gets caught in Ridge’s giant hands, tugging him off his balance and starting the match in his opponent’s favor.

It’s an uphill battle from there, with Butch taking his opportunity to mess with his fingers, which always hurts like a bitch, but he’s knocked away pretty quickly by Jimmy and no lasting damage is done.

Jey finally gets the upper hand with a splash, but he takes the time to drag the man to the corner of the ring to get one Helluva kick in before making the pin.

The crowd goes wild, and the arena is filled with his entrance music, and the cover buys him a few moments to lean close to spit next to his face.

“Keep Sami’s name out yo’ damn mouth.” He grabs the back of Ridge’s shirt, raising his face up a few inches before slamming him back into the ring. “And if you ever so much as THINK ‘bout touchin’ him again, yo’ gon’ have a lot more than a busted knee!”

Jey stomps his foot down onto Holland’s knee, relishing in the howl it emits from the other man. It definitely crosses a line to do that unscripted, but Jey can’t find it in himself to care.

He stalks out of the ring, victorious, rejoining with Jimmy before they exit together.

It doesn’t take long for him to get cleared by medical and get back to the locker room to his phone, where he finds a slew of text messages from Sami.

I’ve got Raw turned on, kick his ass, Uce! 7:19pm

I don’t know what he said to you, but it’s not worth losing the match over- you can do this! 7:40pm

WOOOO-Way to go, Jey!! Hope you don’t get chewed out for that stomp though! 7:57pm

Just headed to bed but still awake- call me when you get to the hotel? Wanna tell you good job over the phone! 8:15pm

It’s almost midnight on the east coast, but knowing Sami he’s still awake waiting for him to call.

He shoots him a quick message, letting him know it’ll be about a half hour if he doesn’t want to wait up.

No worries- I can wait up for you :) 8:56pm

Jey doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve Sami, isn’t sure that he deserves him at all given his past and the things he’s done. He’s never known this kind of unconditional support before, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep it.

“What you smilin’ at, Uce?” Jimmy shoves a hand at Jey’s shoulder playfully, knocking him from his train of thought and alerting him to both of his brothers’ presence.

“Jus’ thinkin’ bout how that dick Holland sounded when I put my boot in his knee,” It’s a white lie, but it’s better than showing all his cards. He’d like to trust in his brothers not to run off and tell Roman his every move, but some days he’s not so sure.

Solo nods, arms cross and face unreadable, and Jimmy laughs as he gathers up his bag.

“Serves that douchebag right for takin’ out our dawg! Glad you got a shot in ‘fore Saturday anyway, Uce. Make takin’ them down that much easier.”

Jey shrugs his own bag over his shoulder, “Can’t wait to put ‘em down for good, tired of seein’ their ugly mugs.”

“No Joke! Especially Butch,” Jimmy shakes his head, as if trying to dispel the image from his head. “I think that dude bites, for real.”

They all pack up into their rental to head back to the hotel, and despite the chatter that streams out of Jimmy’s mouth and the occasional grunt from Solo, all he can think about is hearing Sami’s voice as soon as possible.

__

Jey wakes up early for Day One of Wrestlemania, determined to face the day head on.

He gets through a few hours at the gym before making himself a protein shake for breakfast and checking his phone. He generally tries to avoid social media before a big match other than the stuff he’s required to post, but there’s a few messages from Sami, just a good morning and encouragement for the show tonight.

Even with the time difference, it’s a bit early for a text from Sami, who’s been using his recovery time to get into the sleeping habits of a teenager on summer vacation, often not waking until 10 or 11, but Jey doesn’t pay it much mind.

The rest of the morning is taken up with interviews over the phone before he’s taken off for a photo shoot and press op with Jimmy before finally heading to the stadium.

They’d done some dry runs in Sofi yesterday, but the sheer size of the place is still overwhelming. It’s still hard for Jey to believe sometimes that he went from wrestling with his family in their living room to all this.

There’s a pang in his chest that tells him that Sami should be here too, that he would have had his own Wrestlemania moments under these lights if it hadn’t been for his knee.

But at least Sami was away from Roman and his schemes and the pressure to perform.

The Tribal Chief had been particularly demanding in the last few weeks as he made appearances on Raw and Smackdown, making Jey wonder if it wasn’t better when his cousin only deigned to show up for Live Events.

This feud with Cody Rhodes was sure to be ended after this weekend and hopefully they could all move on from the damn Royal Rumble, and Jey could enjoy some breathing room from his family.

It would be another two weeks before he could go home to see Sami, but after enduring the last four, two weeks seems like nothing.

He just has to get through the match tonight, get rid of the Brawling Brutes and deal with everything else after.

---

The bell rings, signaling the end of the match.

Jey stares up at the lights above, the chorus of boos from the crowd is deafening. He rolls out of the ring to join his brother, grasping his hand like they were children again hiding from a thunderstorm.

They’d lost.

Sheamus had interfered, delivering a painful brogue kick to Jimmy’s chest and taking him out of the equation 30 minutes into the match, when Jey was exhausted and well past ready for a tag after a brutal bout with Butch. Holland made the tag when his back was turned and plowed into him like a truck.

Jey could barely tell which way was up, but he could hear the other man spitting words into his ear.

“Ya couldn’t protect ‘im then, and ya can’t now. Stay down, ya piece o’ shit.”

In his delirium, Holland’s thick accent turned to Roman’s smooth tones and his heart is frozen in fear, watching as his cousin gave the order for Solo to hit Sami with the spike. The scene twisted to his new recurring nightmare, Roman choking Sami as he cries and reaches for Jey, who is stuck, immobile, a failure again.

He felt the cover, felt his leg in the air and the count, but he was frozen and numb until he rolled out and felt the contact of Jimmy’s hand.

They failed.

He failed.

The walk backstage is long and painful, his lungs protesting with each step. There will be hell to pay for losing the tag titles, and his mind is already racing with thoughts of how this conversation with Roman will go.

Jey gets cleared pretty quickly, his ribs were a bit bruised but otherwise fine. Jimmy’s taken back to get his shoulder checked out, so Jey returned to their locker room alone.

But when he arrives, the Tribal Chief and the Wiseman are nowhere to be found.

Solo is unwrapping the tape on his hand slowly, he’d taken Sheamus out, but it was too little too late.

Solo nods at him, “Sami’s here,”

Wait, what?

He stares at his younger brother blankly, “What you say, Uce?”

“Sami’s here,” Solo nods again, and Jey twists to look behind him.

Like a mirage in the desert, Sami stands there, knee in a thick brace still but without the scooter contraption that helped him around the house. His face is drawn with worry and he stares at the hand Jey has braced against his ribs.

“Jey-“ He starts, taking a step forward, but Jey closes the distance, holding Sami’s shoulders like a lifeline and using every ounce of restraint not to wrap his arms around him.

“You’re here,” Jey hears the words tumble out of his mouth.

Sami laughs softly, “Yeah, Uce. I’m here.”

So many emotions are tearing through him, the relief and feeling of home at seeing Sami again, the exhaustion and frustrations from the match, combined with the leftover terror at Holland’s words, that Sami wasn’t safe and never could be as long as he’s by his side.

Sami gently removes his hands from his shoulders, gingerly stepping around him and pushing Jey to sit on the couch.

“Solo, can you take Jey’s papers to management for me? And tell Jimmy we’ll meet up back at the hotel?”

The enforcer gives Sami a raised eyebrow but nods, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him without another word.

They’re alone, no prying eyes. No brothers, no Roman, no Paul Heyman.

Sami turns back to him, approaching slowly and sitting down on the couch next to him, so similar to the nights back in Florida, watching trash TV until late at night.

“I’d really hoped to surprise you, think I still did, but I thought it’d be in better spirits,” Sami gently puts his hand on Jey’s where it rests in his lap. “Still glad I’m here though.”

Jey can’t think through the fog in his head, caught up in the swirl of emotions and the leftover adrenaline from the match, and his eyes fall from Sami’s worried brow to the plush of his lips.

Before he knows what he’s even doing his lips are pressed to Sami’s, hands cupping Sami’s cheeks in an effort to keep him close.

It lasts just for a few moments before Jey’s brain comes back online and he realized what he’d done.

Panicked, he pulls away, casting his head down, staring holes into the floor and wishing they would swallow him.

“Fuck, Sorry, uce- SHIT, M’sorry,” Jey feels like he’d been dosed in freezing water, the urge to vomit rising in his mouth.

Another fuckup, another way he’s failed tonight. He’s hit with the need to get away, get some air and distance from whatever he just did.

He starts to stand, but is stopped by a firm hand at his elbow.

“Jey, don’t be sorry,” There’s the touch of warm fingers at his chin, so soft and gentle as they guide his head up to meet Sami’s eyes once more.

Sami opens his mouth to speak again, but closes it instead and leans in slowly to connect their lips again, running his fingers along Jey’s jaw before tangling in his hair.

It’s slow, unhurried, and so heartbreakingly sweet. It’s everything Jey’s secretly wished for on the lonely nights on the road, dreaming of when he could return home to Sami.

When they finally part, Sami rests his forehead against his own, sighing out a long breath.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” He giggles, like a child caught with their hand in a candy jar.

“Why didn’t you?” Jey asks, absent-mindedly smoothing Sami’s hair with his fingers.

Sami gently shakes his head back and forth, and Jey relishes in the feeling, the intoxicating closeness.

“Was scared, I think. Didn’t know how you’d react really,”

That Jey could understand, honestly. He doesn’t know how to respond, other than that he really just wants to kiss Sami again, so he pulled their lips together desperately, groaning at the feeling when Sami deepens the motion.

“Seems like I was worried over nothing,” Sami laughs pressing a quick peck to the tip of Jey’s nose.

Jey buckles under the weight of his emotions, burying his face into Sami’s shoulder and wrapping him in a desperate embrace.

“Sorry-M’sorry, Sami,” Jey mumbles the words into the other man’s skin, tears falling and wetting the hoodie Sami has on.

Sami’s hands gently rub circles on his back, “You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s alright.”

“Couldn’t protect you, can’t do anythin’ right,” Jey’s chest heaves with a sob, shoulders shaking as Sami just holds him.

Jey couldn’t remember the last time anyone consoled him like this, aside from his twin, and even then Jimmy usually told him just to get his shit together.

After a few minutes, Jey could finally breathe and gently released Sami from the koala hold he’d had him in, Sami’s hands coming to wipe the remaining tears from his cheeks.

“Feeling better?” Sami asks gently, with no judgement.

Jey nods, feeling the exhaustion of the day settle into his bones.

“Jey, listen-“ Sami starts, keeping his warm hands on the side of Jey’s face so he can’t look away or hide. “You have nothing to apologize for, okay? I appreciate that you want to protect me, but remember when I told you we’re in this together? You don’t have to bear all that on your shoulders. I can protect myself and help you too.”

“But Roman-“

“I’m not blind, Jey. I saw what Roman did to Jimmy before, and I know how that eats at you. But you don’t have to be scared, okay? I’m not gonna let him use me against you or vice versa.”

Sami’s thumb strokes against his cheek, and he wants to believe so badly. “Still, we gotta be careful. Maybe we jus’ keep us between us for a while?”

There’s a frown on Sami’s face, “I gotta be honest here, Jey, I don’t wanna keep you a secret forever. I wanna treat you right.” He sighs, heavily. “But I understand this probably isn’t the best time.”

Jey blinks, trying to keep himself in check.

“Can’t have you payin’ for my mistakes tonight, Sami. I can’t-“ He feels panic rising in his throat again.

He’s cut off by the sensation of Sami’s lips at his forehead, right between his brows.

“Let’s not think about that now, huh?” Sami’s voice is low and soothing. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

Jey feels a rush of heat to his stomach at the implication, and it fuels him to press their lips together, grasping at Sami’s neck to pull him closer, closer. Jey opens his mouth in a sigh, inviting the other man in further and relishing in the feeling of Sami’s tongue tasting along his bottom lip before diving in further to explore his mouth.

Jey angles his head a little, rubbing their noses together and pulls back just a bit, taking Sami’s lip in between his teeth and biting it playfully.

The noise the ginger makes in response goes straight to Jey’s pants, where his dick is quickly getting invested in the situation.

Jey runs his hands down to Sami’s chest, to the zipper of the hoodie he’s wearing, taking the zip in one hand and unzipping it while pushing the material off Sami’s shoulders and down his arms.

Underneath the hoodie, Sami is wearing a ribbed white tank top, one he’s had for a while based on how tight it is over the softness that’s settled on his chest and belly.

Sami’s never been a 6 pack abs kind of guy, but something about how the weight gain has settled on his frame drives Jey absolutely wild. The swell of his round little tits, kept perky by strong pectoral muscles underneath, and how they just kiss the fullness of his belly.

Jey gets up from the couch and kneels down in front of Sami, boxing him in with his arms as he swoops in to kiss the other man again.

“Missed you so much, Sami, you don’ even know,” He mumbles in between kisses. “Thought ‘bout you all the time, every night.” Jey moves to Sami’s neck, pressing little kisses to each faint freckle he finds.

Sami arches his back and neck, letting out a long sigh. “Couldn’t wait two more weeks, I bought the ticket as soon as the docs said I could.”

“M’glad,” Jey’s lips lingered at Sami’s collarbone, nipping the soft skin as he ran his hands along the bottom hem of Sami’s shirt. “Gonna take this off,”

Sami’s hands come down to his to stop him, “Jey-“

“Wanna see you, baby,” Jey moves up to Sami’s face, brushing his lips over each of Sami’s cheeks, then just ghosting over his lips.

Sami’s hands relaxed, and Jey guided both their hands in pulling the shirt off.

Jey’s mouth watered at the sight laid out before him, Sami’s round little nipples kissing the soft squish of his stomach, with a dusting of light soft hair covering all of it.

He zeroed in one nipple, taking it in his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tip, moaning around it as Sami threads his fingers into the hair on his neck. His dick is aching in his shorts, but this is about Sami now and making him feel good.

He drags his nose and licks a stripe across the mounds of Sami’s tits to pay attention to the other nipple as he smooths his hands around the sweet love handles that are a perfect size for each handful.

Sami looked so well loved and cared for and it was intoxicating knowing he’d taken of Sami this good for the last few months.

Jey’s hands travel back down to the edge of the joggers Sami wore, tugging on the elastic.

Sami’s hand stilled in Jey’s hair. “Baby, you don’t have to,”

“Wanna make you feel good,,”

Jey looks up at Sami through his thick eyelashes, rubbing his thumbs into the soft give of belly. Sami’s face is nearly red with blush and there are tears shining in his eyes as he nods, fingers tightening their grip on Jey’s hair. He tugs Jey up for another melting kiss.

Sami lifts his hips up, pushing the joggers down with one hand, taking his boxers in one motion halfway down his thighs and freeing his very hard dick.

Jey sinks back on the balls of his feet to come to eye level with Sami’s waist, touching the ginger’s hips and nudging them forward a touch, mindful of the knee injury. He dips down to press an open wide kiss to the head of Sami’s cock, eating up the loud groan that escapes his mouth.

“Gonna have to stay a lil’ quieter than that, Sami,” Jey laughed before peppering kisses down the length of his shaft, and licking back up with the full breadth of his tongue in one smooth glide.

The chances of anyone overhearing were minimal, but it was enough to send a thrill down Jey’s spine.

He takes his time, dragging his tongue around the head of Sami’s cock and learning all the places that elicit those sweet gasps and whines from the other man.

Sami’s fast breaths turn to pleas for more, and Jey obliges, taking the full length of his cock into his mouth. It’s length is just enough to stretch into his throat and the full weight of it on Jey’s tongue is intoxicating.

He swallows around Sami’s cock and takes a few slow breaths through his nose, moaning to send vibrations through the ginger’s body.

Sami’s grip on his hair is tight, just this side of painful, and it makes Jey’s dick ache. He feels precum leaking out and creating a wet spot in his underwear, and he’s hit with the thought that he might just cum from pleasuring Sami alone.

Jey sucks in and hollows his cheeks, reaching back to put his hand on Sami’s in his hair, pressing their hands and his head down further on Sami’s length, hoping that the other man gets the picture. Which he does, based on the groan he lets out and the tug on his curls that drags him back up to wrap his lips around the full pink head of Sami’s cock.

He lets Sami control his movements, setting a slow deliberate rhythm with Jey’s mouth and tongue, as Jey lets his hands wander again, dragging up over the curve of Sami’s belly and rubbing his thumbs in circles over those sweet puffy nipples.

Sami’s body hair is softer than Jey ever would have imagined, like he could curl up and take a nap right on the man’s chest and never move again.

“So fuckin’ good, Jey- feels so good,” Sami’s words spur Jey’s movements, lightly pinching on his nipples before rubbing his thumbs along the meat of his tits, watching up from below as they jiggle.

Sami’s hips are shaking, and Jey thinks maybe the other man’s knee is aching from sitting in one place for so long, but when there’s movement it’s Sami’s good leg that moves forward to the tent in his shorts, gently putting pressure against the head of his dick.

Jey’s vision whites for a moment at the sudden contact.

“Take what you need, baby, M’not gonna last long,” Sami says, and it’s all the permission Jey needs to rut his hips forward, groaning at the friction of his cock against Sami’s shin.

It’s dirty and desperate, but Jey can’t find it within himself to care.

He’s bobbing faster on Sami’s dick now, bringing his hands back down to steady Sami’s still shaking hips. It’s a heady power trip, feeling how much pleasure he’s bringing to this man that he loves so much.

That’s what this is, what his feelings have become. He loves Sami with everything he has, and there’s no going back after this.

“Jey,” Sami’s nearly whimpering, “Jey, baby- stop m’gonna-“ His fingers tug to pull Jey off of his dick, but Jey’s never been one to see something halfway through.

He takes a breath through his nose instead, pushing forward to bury his nose in Sami’s soft pubic hair, taking the full length of him into his mouth and throat.

Sami cries and its the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard, feels the twitch of his dick on his tongue and in his throat as Sami cums.

He bucks his own hips twice more and his cock spurts all over the inside of his shorts, and he’s moaning again, wringing the last drops of pleasure out of Sami before his hands push him off.

“Too much,” Sami’s breath is heavy but he’s smiling, “You’re too much babe.”

Jey licks his lips, savoring the last of the taste of Sami’s skin as he pulls the joggers back up over the man’s hips.

Sami looks down at Jey’s very much no longer tented shorts, eyes wide.

“Did you-?”

He laughs, “Like a damn high schooler, yeah.”

“Lucky for you, I got some extra pants in my bag,”

Jey stands, his knees protesting, especially doing all that after a fight. Probably not the smartest thing he’s ever done, but he can’t find it in himself to regret it.

Sami stands too, bringing him in for another kiss. He can’t believe he gets to do this now, can really have this.

Reality creeps in though as their lips part, Sami reaching back to the couch for his discarded hoodie.

“We’re gonna have to head back to the hotel soon, they’re gonna wonder where we are.”

Jey drops his head to rest on Sami’s shoulder, groaning defeatedly.

“Please tell me you got a separate room from those fools?” He asks, but he knows the answer. There’s no way he could sneak away from his brothers for a whole night. Especially not tonight.

Sami shakes his head and laughs. “Sorry, babe. Had to plan with Paul to even get in here.”

“And when do you leave?” The question hurts to ask.

“Tomorrow afternoon. I’ve got a follow up appointment I need to get to Monday morning, or you know I’d stay.”

“I know,” Their bubble of happiness is about to burst way sooner than he anticipated. “Just wish I could hold you tonight, s’all.”

He feels a warm kiss press to the top of his head, “I know- at least we can get some breakfast in the morning, huh? Some waffles? And it’s two weeks until you get a whole week off.”

The two weeks might as well be two months for all that it helps Jey right now. He pulls his head back up, stopping to give Sami one quick press of lips, that turns to two, then three. Just brushing their lips together.

“We gonna spend every single day in bed, you know that?”

Sami laughs, “I think we can make that happen.” He turns to rummage in his bag, tossing Jey a pair of shorts.

Jey grumbles, “Time to face the music I guess.”

The anxiety of losing the fight, what Roman’s reaction will be to them losing the belts, creeps back in. He can feel his shoulders tensing up already.

“Hey now, none of that.”

As Jey tugs the new shorts on, Sami is there when he gets to full height, dropping another kiss on his forehead. “I told you before, we’re in this together. No shouldering this on your own this time.”

Jey swallows, nodding his head. “Okay, Sami.”

They leave together, taking a rental back to the hotel, Jey wishing each minute were longer as he enjoys the feeling of Sami’s fingers in his own.

Two weeks. Two weeks and he can take his time with Sami. Love him the way that he deserves.

At least he’ll be away from whatever wrath Roman is about to throw at them.

----

Thinking 1 more part to deal with the fallout of Wrestlemania and let Jey worship his man the way he wants to :)

Thank you to everyone reading- it means the world to me 🤍

Happy Smackdown Night!

#samijey #jeysami #sami x jey #jey uso #sami zayn #devils in the details

[limeade-l3sbian]

How do you cope with recovering from depression? It’s an odd question, no doubt, “why would I need to recover from getting better?”…

I’ve noticed when I’m not struggling with depression, the rare months or sometimes even a thankful year, I tend to have much higher suicidal tendencies. It’s like my energy and ability to look at life more rationally makes me less inclined to live. It’s probably a dumb thing to say, but when I’m going through depression, i’m too numb to make a plan for killing myself, but when I’m out of that suddenly I have all energy back and it seems possible, perhaps even easy.

I’m obviously trying to get out of this and I wonder if I’m alone in this experience. If this is something you or your followers deal with, what do you do in this situation?

Simply overcoming depression does at least not for me make me any more enthusiastic about life or the future. I want to reach a place where when the period of apathy passes i instead get lots of love for life.

You feel that way likely because the truth is there isn't any good reason to live. Greed and violence consume society. Women remain oppressed. Racism is still rampant. Death comes too quickly for those who cherish it and too slowly for those burdened by it. We could spend all night talking about how terrible the world is and I would agree with you because implying that the world is an inherently good place is bullshit.

However, implying that it is inherently a bad place is bullshit too.

I fully understand what you mean when you say it's almost worse when you're better because you can't even blame how you're feeling on the depression. I'm thinking clearly and I still want to die. Maybe this is just the truth. That's something I deal with every single day, anon. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about dying. I've told many professionals the exact same thing you're telling me and they all gave me half baked responses that I'd heard a million times and didn't want to hear one more time. The world is a very annoying and shitty place to me and, apparently, to you.

My greatest solace is two things. One: I know as little about what my future looks like as I do what comes after you die. But one suggests hope while the other ends my entire story. Regardless of what comes after death, you don't get a say in what happens now. Yeah, you could kill yourself tonight and you'd say "I don't care about what happens after I die" but of course you do. You're human. That's why your heart rate picks up when you REALLY think about killing yourself. It's not excitement. It's raw fear and your body goes into fight or flight against itself. What a terrible state to be in. What a terrible last feeling. You die, afraid.

But moving forward, despite all the bullshit is also scary too! Fuck. Paying taxes and bills? Finding love? What if I fuck it all up? Fuck, what if something terrible happens to me like I get assaulted or I get in a car accident at some point? Why would I stick around to let all this happen? From the ages of 10-12 I had a hard time sleeping because I was CERTAIN my family's home would be burglarized and I would be kidnapped, raped, and killed horrifically. That's a whole thing but just know that I thought that was a very real and very inevitable thing. And none of those things has ever happened to me, thankfully. Ever, anon. We never even got solicitors at our door, let alone a criminal through the window.

And you know what that was? Me not knowing jackshit about the future but predicating my disposition of life on my greatest fears. I thought I was gonna kill myself at 16 and then I didn't. I thought I was gonna kill myself at 18 and I didn't. You don't know shit, I don't know shit. None of us know SHIT. The future has far more to offer you than death, anon. In death, you die swallowed by your darkness. You push on, and you give yourself a chance.

Plus you're gonna die anyway. It's not like if you don't kill yourself now you'll live forever. If that was true, I would literally tell you to kill yourself because gross, no one (sane) wants to live forever.

Second thing! You're gonna die anyway (kinda spoiled that at the last bit but whatever). I truly take solace in the fact that I'm gonna die anyway. You might die tomorrow! You don't know! You could kill yourself (however you might plan that) and go through inevitable pain and fear. Or, you ride it out and get hit so fast and so hard by a bus next week that you never even register pain or fear. And you could argue that the more inhibited you live life (travel, try new things, meet new people, etc.) betters your chances of dying since staying inside only promises another day. So you might as well live freely and give the universe all the opportunities it has to kill you.

That's how I get on, anon, No bullshit.

There's no good reason to live because there is "no reason" to live. There's no reason to die either, so you might as well choose the one where you can eat honey buns and go on Tumblr and talk to awesome women like meeee. 💜💜💜

#ask

[stardustdiiving]

From the ship ask! What's a pairing most people seem to like in Genshin that you don't?

(ship asks prompt)

MAN OKAY I honestly could answer this with a good third of popular Genshin ships…but none of these are really solid dislikes, it’s just me feeling specific about how I like to see it executed & finding the way the fandom handles it is either unsatisfying, or generates an environment that kinda stresses me out NJDNCNC

To narrow it down to one I feel matches the question best I think I’m gonna go with Kokomi/Sara. It’s not really an active dislike or anything I promise I’m genuinely chilling. *insane person voice* but see I am just very stressed out with the in universe geo-politics happening in the background of this Genshin impact ship

I MEAN THAT IN A VERY SILLY WAY. but also I do have a genuine elaboration on what i mean which is like…how do I say this.

I really like Watasumi Island and find their existence + circumstances as a nation really interesting, especially regarding their dynamic with the Shogunate—it’s like the one part of inazuman politics that really catches my interest. But see the way I took the way the Shogunate + Watasumi dynamic was being written was specifically that Watasumi is/was suffering from colonization/imperialism at the hands of the Shogunate. I don’t see them as equal enemies on opposing sides of a conflict I’m just kind of like. Oh my god the Shogunate tries to control their primary food sources + military and after the war u see like, Gorou helping smuggle medicine and food supplies to treat their wounded war veterans bc the Shogunate is imposing high taxes on them they can’t afford to pay. The Raiden Shogun slaughtered their deity who was kind of backed into a corner on trying to secure vital resources for his people and to this day his corpse is just sitting on her territory getting ravaged and mined for weapons !! That’s crazy! I like thinking Abt that!

While I think Inazuma suffered from the writers dropping the ball with a lot of things I am generally happy this dynamic is explored/acknowledged repeatedly and Watasumi at least to me doesn’t feel like it’s constantly written in a really meanspirited and shitty way you know. Like, in the medicine supply smuggling thing i mentioned — that’s a route in Heizhou’s hangout that ends in a conclusion that something may have severely hurt the vitality of Watasumi’s land and it’s ability to provide, but that doesn’t mean they won’t survive or all hope is lost, because theres people within Watasumi who care and embody that hope and vitality within themselves and are working hard to build stability and provide for everyone. Like idk that’s really cool and I genuinely found it a really nice narrative that really makes me root for Watasumi

But then we get to Sara & Kokomi and ppl just do not talk about this dynamic between both nations at all from what I see, despite it being really relevant to the characters and in theory the appeal of the ship? And I jusurjfucn I guess it confuses me a lot bc I remember, most recently for example on the TCG event, I was so confused seeing everyone post about their interactions for days about how it was cute they were engaging in card matches together and Sara wanted to be friends…and then I played the event myself and we get this scene where Kokomi is standing off starring out at sea alone, and she talks about how she doesn’t like how she can’t see Watasumi from here, and how that was especially agonizing to experience during the war, and then gets caught up in her memories of the war and talks about how a lot of her people are still recovering from the trauma of it, and how she’s participating in this event bc she’s anxious about wanting to build good relations between the Shogunate and Watasumi so her nation doesn’t suffer more in the future AND IM JUST…MAN

Like I do think I can see Sara & Kokomi being friends, Sara’s character feels like it’s the concept of “individual with genuinely good morals working in an oppressive system doesnt stop the damage the system causes” kind of deal BUT IDK…I get fandom experiences can very anecdotal and I’m sure there are shippers who handle this aspect of the ship but when at large it just feels like it’s filed down to a vague enemies to lovers + contrasting aesthetic girlfriends ship I guess it def leans more towards being one I’m not really into. I think it doesn’t help it strikes the specific fandom pet peeve I have where I sometimes feel ppl water down a lot of wlw ships down to just being surface level cute and I am a lesbian who likes very nuanced and complicated character dynamic exploration so I’m personally just like. Yeah idk I guess this seems rlly widely accepted fanon wise but I don’t rlly click with it at all djjcnfj while I could be interested in this dynamic being explored, just if I were doing my own take on it ik adding romantic tones wouldnt feel super necessary to make it feel more interesting to me personally yk x__x

I just feel very excitable about a lot of genshin things and Watasumi vs Shogunate related things hits that mark of interest for me…definitely not implying the shippers r doing something wrong by making silly lighthearted posts and being less interested in types of analysis I enjoy but I guess that’s the most popular ship I feel the least interested in I can think of?

#fern.txt #asks #ask game #I tried to pick a more specific ship to discuss vs smthng I feel is more standard or expected #in terms of ‘popular ship u habe unpopular opinion Abt’ for genshin #ppl rag on ships like xv and zc a lot in these kinds of contexts n while I get what ppl mean when #they gripe about mischaracterizations but that happens with every ship and I don’t get ppl being hostile Abt either pairings #bc there’s plenty of cases I feel they can be fun and am down/open to interpretations of it….everyone has their own take on their Guys you k #maybe that’s bc anyone ik who likes it on my feed is just rlly nice and chill n I like their posts Abt it #like I 110% know how polarizing fandom can be and how u can get sour Abt things if u run into the wrong ppl enough #but sometimes ppl r so mean #Abt the ppl who like popular Genshin ships in general when i think like all of them r generally fine n maybe it’s me being very #specific in how I think of fandom but all their popularities make sense even with the one I talked Abt here #this one is just the one I guess I would feel i get the least but that doesn’t mean I don’t get it st all JDJNCNC

[haruharuz]

So. You have mentioned that you knew you wanted to be a stripper since 17 but waited until you were 20 currently I am 18 in the Bay Area and I do want to strip not because of tiktok I do have a job (I am a server while I’m school for nursing). I have watched some videos on YouTube. I am also planning on visiting some clubs. what would be your advice to me? What would be some things I should look out for?

I don’t know if dancing is a good idea right now. I know you’re gonna hate me for saying that but there’s a reason we tell you NOT to dance that early. Because at 18-19 you’re so much more likely to be trapped in the industry. I highly recommending waiting until you’re 20 to dance. But I totally understand if you still want to.

If you ARE going to try it no matter what, I want you to take in everything I say and keep it in your head.

Don’t do coke. Don’t even look at it. Stay away from all drugs or you will pay a price for it. Don’t drink. Just trust me. It’s a slippery slope and you will never get out of the industry. And I mean that.

When you get your money, you’re going to do a few things.

Avoid buying luxury and random stuff. Just avoid it.

Open a Roth IRA and max it out every year you dance

Do a savings challenge and have one at all times you’re doing

SAVE part of your money for taxes !

Make weekly goals not daily

I also highly suggest you KEEP your day job while dancing. Don’t do what I did, I started dancing and haven’t had a normal job in 2+ years.

Dancing will make you never want a normal job again. So keep your normal job, dance on the side.

If you’re going to the clubs you’re going to want to watch for family mentality. Stay away from any club that says they’re a family. They are not, you will end up pimped out.

Watch out for the girls. They’re not all your friend they will fuck you over for their bag. Look at the stages and see if it’s more money from stage or if it’s more girls hustling lap dances.

If you do decide to dance fry a book bag or a duffel bag, put these items in it: a lock, baby wipes, first aid kit, tooth care mini travel set, alcohol in a small spray bottle (spray sanitizer works great), hair care tools, a money bag 💰 (emoji is because this is what they typically look like) you want a bag that can hold a lot and one that’s smaller as well. You’ll also need a pair of pleasers, if you get boots that are closed toed size up. Outfits you can find on shein are great and so is Adam and Eve. The one near me gives me a discount as a dancer and I build points. Also put a snack and a small bottle of water + a liquid IV (electrolyte supplement) in there.

Look up some floorwork videos. You’ll want to learn how to move fluidly and sensually, as well as twerk. Stretch every single day! Before you audition there’s a few things that would be great for you to learn just so you feel way more confident! If you can get a pole, those can be amazing for learning and such. But if not, when you get there DONT try to jump on the pole! Walk with the pole in hand up high, body away. Watch a few videos on that like pole stuff without it being obnoxiously difficult because pole HURTS and it’s gonna bruise you.

Show up to any audition dressed nice. You want social security and ID ready. Confidence plays a huge part. Like a simple bodycon dress will do.

Stay safe ! I hope this helped :)

#sunny rambles #return to sender

[ivymarquis]

Apex Predator Ch 1

Pairing; Jacob Seed x F!Rook

P:P; All plot for this chapter

Word Count; 5653

Tags; Character Death (and subsequent revival each time), Kidnapping, Character Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Use, Canon-Typical Violence, Knife Use

Summary;  The Deputy has a secret, and Jacob makes it his mission to bring her to heel.

Remember how I said I’m writing some dark stuff and I don’t want to hear any complaining about it? Yeah, this is it. There is no redemption arc to be found here, nor are healthy dynamics. This will be a match made in hell :)

Placed under the cut because I am a menace, but I am a considerate menace.

CC, or Rook as she was called around the station, wasn’t actually all that great at her job.

Now, yes she’d been perfectly serviceable in her position of Junior Deputy of the Hope County Police Department.

When the mantle of Hope County’s Savior had been foisted upon her, however? Not gonna lie- she sucked at it. 

 It was the hidden truth only she knew about; as far as anyone else knew she always got the results she set out for when she went to blow the Seed’s shit sky high.

The first time she died hadn’t been that long after Dutch had turned her loose- a trio of peggies got the jump on her because she wasn’t paying attention while scavenging a ranger station. Next thing she knew she was coming to with a blinding headache and blood splatter on the wall behind her that definitely wasn’t there when she’d first entered the room.

Not-dying was surreal; She could remember clear as day turning to see the trio who’d been standing behind her, one with their pistol pulled out. There was no monologuing- only a brief exchange before they pulled the trigger, CC seeing the flash of the muzzle bright against the starlight, and then it was dawn and her goddamn head was threatening to split in half.

CC didn’t realize what had happened at first- why would she? The only absolutes in life were death and taxes. She was very much not-dead, so she must not have died that night in the ranger station.

And then somewhere between her blowing up John’s silos and burning Faith’s Bliss fields to the damn ground a fire fight broke out and a bullet found its way between CC’s ribs.

Able to kill her attackers but unable to call for help, she staggered to the road clutching the bleeding wound. Her vision blurred, numbness creeping up as a chill settled deep in her gut. At a certain point she realized her time was up and she was going to bleed out on the side of the road.

Unable to fight the inevitable she slumped against a tree, staring down the roadway hoping some do-gooder on an ATV would pick that exact moment to cover that stretch of road.

No one came.

Hell, at that point Jacob Seed himself could be the one to stumble across her and she’d have no complaints. 

The chill creeped further up her bones and CC was tired. Her clothes were soaked in her own blood and her fingers were frozen and her eyes were so damn heavy. Every time she blinked it took more effort to open her eyes than the last.

Her eyes slipped shut and CC wasn’t cold anymore.

Once again the next thing she knew the sun was rising and there were two Cougars in front of her, inquiring what happened and if she needed help.

Confusion overwhelmed her (there was an intense disquiet in her gut screaming at her something was wrong) and she offered up no fight as they dragged her to an intern who couldn’t find a scratch on her despite her being soaked in her own blood.

So calling it not-dying wasn’t entirely accurate. There were no witnesses thus far so CC had no idea what happened to her body between death and reanimation, but one thing was for certain- she didn’t stay dead.

The knowledge that she somehow was able to resurrect herself did not lead CC to be bold or foolish in her endeavors- She might not stay dead, but she was still capable of dying which was incredibly painful the two times she’d done it.

At the very least, CC may not have been all that great at being the Savior of Hope County, but she learned from her mistakes and the intervals in which she died became less and less frequent. 

She’d also effectively turned herself into the fucking cryptid of Hope County.

The chatter on the Peggie radios was always fun to listen to; more than once she’d heard broadcasts made about her death, the hope that the resistance would crumble without her to spearhead their efforts. That chatter devolved into absolute chaos when she was spotted blowing up another outpost the next day.

The Heralds all wanted her head, wanted her squashed like a bug under their boot.

Joseph wanted her brought into the fold, and the three Heralds might acquiesce to that, but CC knew the desire was still there. 

John would happily carve her up like a Thanksgiving turkey given half a chance- he’d nearly drowned her in the Henbane and likely would have if not for Joseph’s intervention. 

Faith couldn’t stand CC. Claimed she was spoiled and petulant like a bratty child fighting the guiding hand of a parent who only wanted the best for her.

Jacob- well, CC hadn’t gotten into much trouble with him yet, but surely her number was coming up on that one.

At the moment, she was taking a breather from the mayhem she’d been causing to fish. Keeping an eye peeled as she cast her line, CC leaned against a tree near the shoreline as she watched the lure bob in the water.

Fighting a holy war was not for the faint of heart- a task she’d never thought herself capable of attaining, and yet finding herself rising up to meet it anyway. Not that she had much of a choice.

It was hard to let others go off on the suicide mission that was tackling the Seeds. No one else knew her little secret but CC did. The guilt would eat her alive.

CC couldn’t save everyone, but by God she would do what she could.

The lure lurched under the water, the exhausted deputy wrestling with a decently sized fish who was destined to become her lunch.

Unseasoned fish was not exactly the best thing she’d ever eaten, but it was food and sated the hunger gnawing at her. Finishing her meal and cleaning up after herself, CC contemplated her next move.

She’d been so busy harassing John and Faith, leaving the Whitetails alone- Trying to gather up the scattered pieces of a Resistance.

Eli, if she could find him, had been drumming up his own in the Mountains and giving Jacob hell all the while.

That was what she needed. But he was elusive- the location of the Wolf’s Den was the biggest kept secret of the Whitetail Militia, and something she needed to find if she was going to get a hold of the man. Being public enemy #1 on Jacob’s shit list (though CC no doubt would soon be competing for that spot) meant he was as reclusive as Dutch. He wasn’t going to tell her over the radio where to find him.

Maybe she’d luck out and find some Whitetails while exploring the mountains. She’d definitely be able to piss off the eldest Seed brother while she looked.

As much as CC tried to not let the whole not-dying thing go to her head and not take stupid risks, it was hard to ignore that little voice in the back of her head that told her ”Fuck it, what’s the worse that could happen?” Dying was an agonizing endeavor, but ultimately one she could bounce back from.

The second CC stepped foot over the boundary dividing the Whitetail Mountains, her mistake was in thinking that Jacob would be content to let her cause a certain amount of mayhem before trying to capture her like his siblings had.

No sooner than she was evaluating her options on how best to earn Eli’s attention, CC was completely unaware that she held the Soldier’s full and undivided attention.

At least until an arrow embedded itself in a tree 6 inches to her left.

Heart lurching in her throat, CC startled like a deer, bounding forward blindly. With no idea where she was running to and only an inkling of what she was running away from, the panic washed over her with the realization that she’d made a horrible mistake. 

Jacob wasn’t waiting for her to get under his skin like John or Faith. He was going to nip the problem that was Deputy Carlotta Crawford right in the bud before she got the chance to cause him problems.

Well, She thought to herself, He’s certainly welcome to try at least.

The sound of another arrow being released from a crossbow whistled through the air, CC grunting with exertion as she begged her legs to keep going. Her hip was on fire, struggling to keep her footing steady on the uneven terrain.

The voices of the hunters rang out behind her- bickering amongst themselves, unable to distinguish what they were saying but able to hear the tones of their words.

One more shot rang out, pain exploding in her thigh. 

Staggering to a halt, CC’s world spun and turned green as her gaze dropped to her legs. Much to her surprise, there wasn’t one arrow but two embedded in her. The one she’d felt land in her thigh, and the other in the opposite calf. The nerve damage from an accident years ago paired with adrenaline meant she hadn’t even felt the first one.

The exposure in Faith’s region had increased CC’s tolerance for Bliss- the reason she was able to keep going with the first arrow. Two Bliss arrows though? That would be enough to bring anyone to their knees.

CC’s legs gave out from under her, the ground rushing up to meet her.

Rolling to her back, everything was green, sparkles dancing off the corners of her vision.

“I told you I didn’t miss that second shot.”

“How the hell was she able to go that far with a Bliss arrow in her leg?”

“You’ve heard the stories. Woman doesn’t know how to lay down and die; Figure we’re just lucky she went down with the second arrow in her. Now come on, Jacob’s waiting.” 

Her stomach rolled as her vision swam, helpless to do anything as one of the men hoisted her up over his shoulder.

Hallucinating that a jackalope was following them, there wasn’t much CC could do other than watch her bunny friend as they trekked through the woods, CC deposited into the back of a truck parked on the edge of the road.

Staring blankly at the ceiling, she’d swear she could feel the weight of the jackalope pressing on her chest.

More chatter from the hunters reached her ears, CC’s head rolling on reflex to look at the man who spoke. The red balaclavas hid any distinguishing details from them, not that she was going to be remembering anything of the trek.

“Jacob’s at the Grand View getting ready to prep the next group of prospects for the Trials, we’ll take her there.”

A wave of nausea rolled through her gut and CC wished she’d vomited on his jacket when he’d been carrying her.

Eventually the truck slowed to a stop, CC once again hoisted over a shoulder as they pulled her out of it.

It felt like a pyrrhic victory when her stomach rolled again, and her upper body held upside down over his shoulder made it no hardship to get her previous wish. Preening at his sound of protest, CC’s eyes pressed closed to try and stop her head spinning as he grumbled and started walking on.

“Jacob, sir- we have her.”

“Is that so? Place her in the chair.”

Once again her world spun as they placed her where instructed, settling limply with her head lolling back. The arrow in her thigh was down closer to her knee, the pain dulled but still present as she shifted to find a spot where the arrow wasn’t pressing against the edge of the chair. 

Eyes opening, CC couldn’t help but giggle on nervous impulse when she forced her head up. Jacob fucking Seed had sparkles around him.

“Leave,” the order was short and left no room for argument, his gaze leveled on CC as the two Chosen left. “I’ll admit, Deputy, I was expecting more than you from all the trouble you caused my siblings.” 

Were CC in her right mind, she’d be offended that he was insulting her size and fire off some quip right back at him. However, considering she was currently high out of her mind, her focus shifted to the jackalope grooming itself in the corner until Jacob moved again and she looked at him.

His eyes drifted down, and even as disoriented as CC currently was, she felt like a rabbit caught under his predatory gaze. “Must have caused quite the ruckus for you to need to be hit twice with the Bliss arrows. You’re not going to turn into an angel on me now, are you?”

Her heart had kicked into overdrive the second he’d looked at her like something to devour and showed no signs of stopping. It took every ounce of will power to focus on him as he spoke and not her horned companion who was currently sitting in a corner grooming itself.

“No, you’re not going to do that. You’re going to sit right here and be a good girl while they bring the others in.”

The room was spinning again, CC’s pulse racing as he crooned at her.

“We’ll start simple, how about that?”

Despite having no idea what the fuck he was rambling about, CC heard the implied cue and nodded her head in agreement.

“Good, deputy- that’s real good. What do you say to getting those arrows out of your legs and you sit there and let the Bliss work its way out of your system. Think you can handle that?” 

She nodded again, not entirely processing his words. The jackalope was moving around the room, CC’s gaze flicking from the predator in front of her to the creature behind him. His gaze was intense- too much for her to be dealing with in her current state. She was just glad he was content to do all the talking. She was entirely too out of it to string a sentence together, anything she’d attempt was likely just a garbled collection of noises. Maybe he wasn’t just cracking jokes about the Angel thing- this was an incredibly shitty amount of Bliss to be under.

He took another step forward and her heart lurched into her throat again, the fear palpable in her eyes. 

“I’m gonna step out for a second and find a medkit so we can fix up your legs. You’re going to sit here and not do anything stupid. We clear?”

He could have been saying anything and CC still would have nodded. 

He pulled away from her space, turned on his heel and took two strides before turning back to her. 

“You’re pretty bright eyed for two Bliss arrows; how about we keep you honest, hm?”

CC sure as shit didn’t feel bright eyed- disoriented and nauseous, but not bright eyed. Still she nodded along with him like “keeping her honest” was the best idea he’d ever had. 

As it turned out, that entailed binding her wrists and ankles with the rope that was secured to each arm and the front legs of the chair. Not that she’d be going anywhere. The room had only barely stopped spinning and even as out of it as she was, CC knew she’d probably collapse into a heap on the floor. She already had two arrows embedded in her legs- she didn’t need to add to her current injuries. 

Staring blankly at the wall ahead of her with Only You scrawled across it, CC had no idea how much time had passed before the door opened again. It could have been minutes or hours. She was just starting to feel herself calm down under the influence of the Bliss when the hinges on the door squeaked.

Her heart started racing again, discomfort and anxiety twisting in her gut as Jacob reappeared. 

Her jeans, she knew, were soaked in her own blood from the weeping wounds.

“Let’s see what we can do about those arrows,” his tone was too  helpful- damn near chipper. 

Or maybe her apprehension had more to do with the way once he set the medkit on the table holding the projector, his hand drifting to his thigh to pull his Bowie knife out of its sheath.

Jacob Seed with a knife in hand was not something that screamed “Good news!” to CC. The anxiety shifted to panic; being captured, restrained, drugged and alone with the cult’s beloved Soldier was quite possibly the worst scenario to come to fruition.

She’d had her run ins with John and Joseph even before Eden’s Gate completely lost it and started their holy war- Jacob had never been involved in those (Also how the fuck he managed that before all this started, because there was no way he’d gotten this many Chosen after the Reaping started, which meant he’d been operating completely under everyone’s noses the entire time), keeping to himself in the mountains. She’d only ever had a scant handful of interactions with him. No one had paid much attention to the old soldier who spent his time in the abandoned Saint Francis Veteran’s Hospital.

That CC was quickly realizing, had been a major mistake on everybody’s end. The rumor mill had been running wild with Jacob’s methods of conditioning recruits to be loyal to the Project, and she was starting to realize that there was a decent chance no one had embellished anything.

The full gravity of the situation couldn’t quite settle, the sheer volume of Bliss in her system keeping most of it at bay, but enough of it crept in for CC to struggle and whimper in a hopeless attempt to free herself before he got any closer to her.

The only thing she succeeded in doing was rattling the chair, the legs scooting slightly against the flooring underneath him.

Jacob chuckled, a low sound that made her stomach flit in a manner she absolutely decided to blame on the Bliss.

“Now what are you struggling like that for? I haven’t done anything,” yet was the unsaid word that seemed to hang in the air, CC’s brain wheeling like a car struck in the mud- spinning in place and unable to gain traction no matter how hard she tried.

“You need those arrows pulled and your legs treated, and the first thing we’re going to have to do is get those pants off of you.”

Yeah that did not help the panic screaming at her to do something to free herself.

Her wrists were tender, the rough material of the rope abrasive on her skin. For all her struggling and thrashing they held fast, keeping her tethered to the chair.

He was standing in front of her now, hand reaching out to grab her by her jaw, thumb on one side and forefinger on the other- the slight squeeze was all she needed to freeze in her tracks.

“You need to sit still, or I’m going to cut you. You’d be amazed at how sharp this knife is.”

The term fear based aggression came to mind as CC tucked her jaw to catch Jacob’s thumb between her teeth. It was the only thing her rational mind could come up with to explain why she’d attempt to do something so fucking stupid while trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and completely helpless.

The taste of blood filled her mouth about the same time as her ear started ringing, vision distorted even further than it had been with the Bliss.

The blood in her mouth was hers. Her reflexes were sluggish from the Bliss. Mentally, CC was able to more or less keep pace with what was going on around her. Physically? Everything was like moving through water.

Jacob had had plenty of time to snatch his free hand away only to wind it up and backhand her. 

“You’re going to learn very quickly, Pup, that I am not my brother. You will behave, or there will be consequences. Got it?”

CC’s head stayed turned to the side where it had landed from the force of him striking her, eyes on the jackalope in the corner. She couldn’t even find it in herself to be annoyed at the stupid nickname he’d designated her with.

One of his feet struck out, knocking into the chair and threatening to overturn her. “You with it enough to try and bite me, Pup, you’re with it enough to answer me.”

She nodded on reflex, flinching violently when his hand traced her jaw again. Her thigh was throbbing from all the jostling, kept at bay from the Bliss but still nagging at the corners of her awareness.

“I won’t hold it against ya, Pup. John did say you were a stubborn little shit. You play by the rules, you don’t get punished. You fuck up? I address it and we move on. Now hold still, you’re agitating the hell out of that arrow in your thigh.”

Again with the nickname.

The Bliss was still strong in her system, the drug making it incredibly appealing to just… check out. Nothing good was going to happen from Jacob dressing her wounds and she didn’t want to be here. She’d been fighting to keep her head above the proverbial water but there was nothing she could do to rectify the situation. If she couldn’t remove herself physically, allowing herself to go mentally seemed about as good an option as any.

 He kneeled before her, CC trying her damndest to keep her heart from lurching out of her throat. Fingers tracing lightly across her thigh, she could feel them gauging at the wound near her knee. I hope he washed his hands, the thought idly crossed her mind. It’d be a miracle if she got out of this without her injuries becoming infected.

The sound of his voice reached her, far away and hazy. Soothing her as his free hand moved from her thigh to the opposite calf. Her squirming stopped as he did- she knew that he was touching her, but couldn’t feel it. He was talking to her about her injuries- gauging where the arrows were embedded in relationship to bone, arteries, tendons and ligaments.

“Think you lucked out, Pup. Given they’re both bullet points, we’ll be alright to pull them out- neither one is lodged where anything major should be.”

She didn’t check back in until he brought the knife up to her abdomen. That got her attention even through the Bliss.

“I meant what I said- Sit still so you don’t accidentally get nicked. But these are coming off so we can treat your injuries once the arrows are pulled.”

Even if Jacob genuinely thought cutting her pants to expose the skin around the arrows was the best option, CC distantly noted that there was nothing stopping him from starting at the hemline of each leg and working his way up to where the arrow was, rather than starting with the waistband and working down.

He’d warned her not to jump, but it was difficult to sit still with the sheer efficiency at which he went to work. He wasn’t rushed, wasn’t in a hurry- this was a man intimately familiar with his weapon, knowing just the right angle and pressure needed to make the fabric rend underneath his blade- and he wasn’t going to slow himself down for her comfort.

But it still scared the hell out of CC. The only outlier in the equation, she jumped at the sensation of fabric giving over her thigh. She almost didn’t feel the way the edge of the blade bit her. It wasn’t deep, the blood welling softly. He backed the blade up enough to not let it cut her anymore, sliding in a smooth motion down her calf. Going back to where the arrow was, he then severed the thin piece of fabric on one side encircling the arrow, effectively freeing her right leg.

“You’re going to have to do a better job of listening to me, Pup. When I tell you something, it’s for a reason.” His tone was lighthearted, an air of Well that’s what you get about him. Not gloating, but not remorseful either. He had, after all, warned her.

The second attempt was smoother. CC shut her eyes, struggling and failing to keep herself from flinching at the pressure of the knife against her left thigh. It didn’t cut this time, a more restrained response. Much like with the previous leg he placed the knife, tested the amount of tension needed to make it work, and the blade slipped through the fabric like butter.

“Better,” was all the commentary he made.

Her pants hanging in shreds underneath her, she decided it was easier to simply keep her eyes shut. Small mercies, at least she’d scrounged more conservative underwear, the black boy shorts hiding more than what she’d been wearing the last time she’d had the luxury of changing her clothes.

Jesus, she had to be high out of her mind to even have the bandwidth to worry about her underwear in this situation.

She could hear him stand, a sound that she could only assume was him resheathing the knife, and rummaging- through the medkit, maybe?

This whole situation was becoming too much for her to deal with (Deranged cult leaders cutting off her clothes while under the influence of home-made drugs was not a subject covered in the police academy, thank you very much), and the appeal of just letting the Bliss take her was mounting by the second.

Which was all well and good until one of his hands gripped her thigh, encircling the area just above the arrow. That got her fighting through the Bliss enough to force her eyes open, realizing his other hand was gripped around the shaft of the arrow underneath her leg. It would be easier to not be cognizant of what was about to happen to her, and yet like someone realizing they were about to crash a car with nothing they could do to stop it, she couldn’t pry her eyes away.

“You know, we’re going to have a talk about how you’re as awake as you are later. You should be staring in a corner at nothing right now.” 

She certainly wanted to, but for whatever reason she reacted funny to Bliss. It wouldn’t hit as hard as it should. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest from the stress, and she was certainly sluggish, but she still knew enough of what was going on.

Mumbling something completely incoherant (in her head she wanted to tell him to go fuck himself), his only answer was an amused chuckle.

“Sit still; I’ll make this quick,” he instructed, the grip on her knee tightening to ensure her leg stayed still.

It was odd, watching something happen to her that she knew should be painful, but being unable to process the pain. The Bliss kept her out of it enough to not feel the arrow being pulled back out the way it had entered her. She jolted more out of apprehension of pain than anything she actually felt, the movement stabilized by the iron grip on her thigh. The blood had clotted enough she wasn’t dripping it everywhere, eyes unfocused as he moved to doctoring and dressing her injury. 

After her thigh was bandaged he moved to the opposite calf. Once again, she did a better job of listening the second time. Equal parts from now knowing the Bliss was taking care of the vast majority of the pain, and the nerve damage to her lower left leg ensuring she didn’t feel a single thing as he removed the second one.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he spoke as he finished wrapping her calf. CC jolted, unaware she’d zoned out and as far as her brain processed Jacob had gone from being knelt before her to immediately standing and reaching out to grasp her face. “Easy, easy-” he soothed her like a spooked animal, ignoring how she flinched when his fingers brushed his face. “Don’t worry, Pup- you’ll learn the rules soon enough. But for now we need to get started,” he turned his head, clearly looking at something or someone else but CC couldn’t find the energy to track where he was looking. “Peaches! Bring in the others.”

CC felt like no sooner had she blinked then she was suddenly no longer the only captive in the room. She’d hoped now that the Bliss-soaked arrows were out of her system she’d finally start to sober up but luck was not on her side today. 

She could only half focus on Jacob as he gave his speech over his powerpoint presentation. The Bliss made her feel awful; the room was spinning again, her vision glassy and unfocused when he strolled over to her and dragged her chair forward a few inches towards him. If that was supposed to intimidate her into paying more attention, she didn’t know what to tell him- it felt like all she could do to just keep breathing her heart racing. Her chest hurt, she was breaking into an off and on cold sweat, her left arm was-

Suddenly CC felt more sober than she had for the last…. However long she’d been here.

A heart attack at 32 was unlikely, but given the stress and the sheer amount of Bliss in her system- Oh fucking hell.

CC thrashed against her restraints, the motion far more sluggish in real life opposed to what she thought she was accomplishing. Other than further abrading the skin on her wrists, all she earned was a glower from Jacob.

Her vision distorted in a way that had nothing to do with the Bliss, Jacob a blur as he grabbed at her chair again. “You want your freedom? You’re about to have to show me how badly you want to live.”

She couldn’t string a sentence together, reaching out to kick at him. Something- anything- to make him realize she needed help. Were she in her right mind she’d realize that he wouldn’t give a shit, but even having died twice previously her brain was still hardwired to not let that happen, even if it meant trying to solicit Jacob fucking Seed of all people for help.

“We’ll have to work on that attitude of yours, honey. You certainly refuse to just lay there, don’t you? You were doing so good there for a second but you keep interrupting me and we’re going to have a problem.”

He just thought she was finding the energy to protest- of fucking course.

CC’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and she slumped back against the chair as he continued on with his speech.

By the time he pulled out the music box, CC was gone. It wasn’t until he realized that the captured whitetails were thrashing against their bonds as expected but the deputy was deathly still that he went back over to her chair, eyes focused on her chest waiting to see the rise and fall of her ribcage. Seeing there was no movement, his hand reached for her neck, two fingers pressed against her throat to feel for a pulse that was no longer there.

“Fuck!” he cursed in frustration, knocking over her chair in a last bid to get a response from her. 

She was too loose in how she landed, neck rolling like a ragdoll with no resistance to it.

Joseph was not going to be happy about that. This was a headache the eldest Seed didn’t need, leaving the room with no concern for the two thrashing Whitetails. 

 - - - - -

CC should have figured that eventually, with her luck, she’d find herself in such a shit situation. 

Reviving from the dead was all fun and games until she revived with her wrists still bound and her two companions from earlier dead. 

Assuming at some point that someone would enter the room, if for no reason other than to clean up the corpses, the dread twisted tighter and tighter in her gut when no one ever came. As the sun set and raised again, CC tried once again to thrash against her bonds. God damn did Seed know how to tie a knot. They didn’t budge an inch. She couldn’t leverage herself to break the chair either, topped over on her side. 

Holy shit- what was she supposed to do? She didn’t know how any of this worked; the whole dying and coming back thing. People could live, more or less, about 3 days without water. Was she going to just be stuck in a perpetual loop of reviving only to die from dehydration and do it all again? The same 72 hour cycle playing over and over and over-

Day 2 post-revival and CC was barely conscious when the door finally opened. The room positively reeked but she’d grown desensitized to the stench yesterday. Glazed eyes tracking the three Whitetails, she barely had the energy to muster a groan of protest when the one who’d picked up her chair toppled her over again in shock at the realization she was still alive

Fuck it, what was one more concussion at this point?

The words spoken to her went in one ear and out the other. Her brain registered the phrase You’re with the Whitetails and that was all she needed to know. They weren’t Peggies on clean up duty- she was going to manage to escape to give hell another day. 

She was essentially dead weight as the two men dragged her out, despite her grand plan to blow up every wolf beacon she could find once she’d recuperated.

Fuck Jacob Seed.

#My writing #Apex Predator #far cry 5 fanfiction #jacob seed x deputy #dark!fic

[hyunverse]

ik it’s so embarrassing 💔💔 i remember that week being not the best so maybe i was just emotional in general ?? idek 😭. i also cry over fluff more than angst. i read angst when i’m like at a rly low point bc it’s almost kinda comforting ……. idk dw bae i sound insane rn too ! we pretty much have the same favorite cereal bc if i had to choose i’d get the chocolate rice crispy ones (or honey nut cheerios) and i LOVEEEE milo. my nana from australia always sends it over and it’s delishhhh. so nostalgic. YES spanakopita is life, it is so so so so good. lmk what you and your mom end up getting ^_^ that sounds so fun i love eating w ppl

ITS THE HYUNE BODY ROLLING SO TRUE. i like when he dances with short sleeves or sleeveless tops bc the arm muscles just make me 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 insane !!! i’ve been wanting to watch a new movie so maybe i’ll watch howl now ^_^ i’ve heard a TON about it and i think you just fully convinced me hehe. do you have any other movie or show recs ?? i’m not a big movie or show person but im tryingggg to watch more stuff so tell me any of your faves

oh yea i could slander america as a professional job. like don’t get me wrong i’m extremely grateful to live somewhere where i can get a good education and just like survive but at the same time … i’m barely surviving ?? all our money goes to stuff that doesn’t even benefit us ??? idk man i’ll keep going if i don’t stop myself BUT YES PLS all the mcflurries 🙏🏼. possible unpopular opinion but oreo mcflurry dipped in fries = chefs kiss. it’s an underrated combo fr

i would pay MONEYYYY to experience one skz dance practice but hyunjins alone oh my oh my oh myyyyy. i don’t think i’d survive, his clinging would be ineffective bc i’d just be 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠. smth about the way he dances just GAHHH. YES CONFIDENT MISCHIEVOUS LITTLE YONGBOK he’s so cute 😭😭😭😭 i love his korean name it’s adorable

i watched the live when i woke up this am and it was the cutest thing ever <///3. felix looked so bf and i swear the There music video made it WORSEE. the parasocial vibes rly smacked me in the face and said grace u need to wake up and accept you can’t have these men 😔

spamming once again gahhhh can u tell i’m bored <///3. im stuck inside for another day bc nyc is having a rly bad snow storm rn and it’s torturous lol. as much as i love being in my bed all day, it gives me a raging headache every timeeeee

- 🐈‍⬛ kisses 4 uuuuu i hope ur sleeping well ^_^

i've never tried honey nut cheerios but now i kinda want to?? lets see lets see. going back to my campus this saturday so i gotta stock up on my food stock 🫡 i'm gonna try honey nut cheerios hehe. milo is good but i can't drink it that much bcs its best mixed with milk and im lactose intolerant </3 i mean i do consume dairy anyway but milo and milk is a deadly combination. one sip and you're gonna end up with diarrhea. even worse when u have lactose intolerance. god lactose intolerance sucks so bad, especially when i love dairy </3 life is a war game and the toilet is my battle field. </3 aaa me and mumsies ended up not getting breakfast bcs we didnt wake up on time LOLL love that 4 us 🤞

sleeveless tops on hyune always look so good. his arms are so nice, the type that isn't frail nor too muscular, he's just nice. dont get me started on his hands yo his hands are pretty big too and his fingers?? majestic. slender and pretty. makes me dizzy just watching it 😵‍💫howl is incredibly good, u reaaaaaally need to watch it <3!! mmm for tv shows, i really like gilmore girls and jujutsu kaisen. or if you like romance, u shud try out horimiya!!

I UNDERSTAND ABT THE MONEY THING... malaysian road taxes r no joke. youngsters going broke frm paying taxes is CRAAAZY. fries dipped in vanilla ice cream is so good so i get u!!!!! it's the mixture of sweet and salty 🤌

when hyunjin does a lil smirk while dancing... im frothing drooling melting. like bae stop i will get through this phone screen and kiss u 😭 so pretty. YONGBOK IS SO CUTE AND YES HIS NAME!! I LOVE WRITING HIM AS YONGBOK BCS I LOVE HIS NAME SM... i also love jeongin's name. it's cute and suiting for him.

the live c hdbhs i was fixated on seungmin the whole time... was just staring at him dreamily like... 💭 he made a mess but i's ok bcs it's seungmo!!

THE THERE MV OH MY GOD GRACEEEEEE. I'LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT. HYUNJIN AND SEUNGMIN'S PART GOT ME GIGGLING!!1 also can i just say that the settings suit them so much? it feels like it's actually their ideal date. jeongin with the shopping for clothes, hyunjin with the camera and channie in the studio... it makes so much sense. omg what if it IS their ideal date? bye im gonna combust. why are they parasocializing with us!! its making the delusions worse!!!

talking abt parasocializing, felix needs to calm down. bro was wiping at his mouth and stuff r u indicating that we just made out?!?! not very pg13 of him. i heard he spams om bubble too 😭 he needs to find a gf his bitchless behavior is getting worse 😟

ur spam is always entertaining so dw!! i take my time with it always cs i wanna put thought in my words hehe. sorry to hear abt the storm :(( i hope ure staying warm <3

#rin’s lovemail! #🐈‍⬛ anon 💌

[anchoeritic]

i'm the youngest and with a big age gap with all of them (the shorter one it's like a 7 years age gap). always the eldest child raise the younger one/s and it's kinda frustrating because they lost their teen years or childhood but i guess it's also relieving see them as good kids thanks to them.

I'M DOWN BAD FOR PEOPLE WHO TAKES CARE OF KIDS, SHH. my nephew it's absolutely like my child and i love him so much (he's really the reason of my baby fever), your nieces and nephews are kinda neglected? sadly it's really hard for parents not neglect their kids in some type of way. the marker one would absolutely hurt me (i literally paint my walls to decore them). i love when they have like 5 months and they look like little sausages, god. some kids are cute, others are little demons who sometimes even say bad words with 6 years (completely the parents fault) and with teens, don't get me started, some of them are... wild, A FEW WEEKS AGO A 13 YEAR OLD KID TRIED TO FLIRT WITH ME??? i'm gonna cry, i'm not gonna be your mother figure, love. i swear i already had breakfast, but i don't mind if you wanna feed me, also i hope you went to bed early. ALSO, IDK IF I'M SPEAKING TO MUCH, SORRY.

(at this point i don't know if i wanna you to degrade or praise me.)

— ⚰️

nah, i get that. i was like a child taking care of my sister bcs my parents were workaholics and wouldn’t catch a break. that shit is reaaaaal older sibling trauma pls. i was playing parent with a dollar in my pocket so i ended up working a part-time job at age 15 since my parents refused to pay attention to us. but it shaped me well, so i don’t give a shit anymore.

I’M DOWN BAD FOR YOU !!! your nephew sounds so cute pls. a literal cute living egg. i feel like it’s becoming more and more common to neglect your kid and it’s so sad to see. with taxes rising & shit just going up, parents work their asses off so i understand them in a way. just acknowledge your kids, ya know??? kinda wish they could stay as babies :( i hate toddlers and everything above that. eugh, they’re so annoying. my other niece called me a bitch the other day and i gasped… WHO’S TEACHING HER THIS LIKE? and.. not the 13 year old.. flirting with you.. lemme side eye…

you’re not talking too much!! i love talking to you. i feel like i’m saying too much heldpdjsojdkejd sorry 🤲🏼

(why not do both? ;)

#cw neglect #tw neglect #⚰️ baby !! #જ⁀➴ mail: received #cw trauma #!

[darnellbebop]

Absolutely disgusted with this Zionist girl I used to talk to still posting pro-Israel stuff. Literally how is she still defending this and playing the fucking victim?

I talked to her way back in October when I had no idea what was going on and thought she was like a decent human being so a lot of my early info on the Palestine genocide was coming from her. So it was obviously painting Israel as the victims. Thankfully I have enough informed friends and people I follow on social media to come across the actual facts.

It’s just insane to me because she’ll always point back to the October 6th incident to play victim and act like everything else that’s happened since then is somehow a lesser crime. Israel is literally committing war crimes and genocide. How can you support it and argue “They shouldn’t have started a war. That’s just the price you pay”. It’s not a war. I did say back when I talked to her that civilians shouldn’t be targeted in this type of situation and she “agreed” with me then but I’m sure it was in a “Israel civilians shouldn’t be targeted” way.

The only reason I haven’t unfollowed/blocked her is because I need to see her acknowledge that she is an absolute piece of shit for this one day. I’m just especially disgusted at her now. How are you playing victim still? Our tax dollars are fucking funding this shit. The only thing she can justifiable claim to be a victim of in all of this is antisemitism but she’s weaponizing it half the time to justify the actions of Israel.

A different Jewish girl I follow on Twitter and TikTok (@Hawkworld on Twitter, @Hawkw0rld on TikTok) who is literally an angel has been able to address the antisemitism that’s coming out of this while also showing tremendous support and concern for Palestine. As any decent human being would. She’s very on top of spreading awareness and played a big role in pointing out what was going on for me when I was confused early on. She’s talked about a lot of it at length. She is so intelligent and kind and the world needs more people like her and less people like that dumbass who’s always playing the victim.

This rant is kind of all over the place but I just remembered one more thing about that Zionist girl. When one of her favorite drag queens posted Free Palestine, she had a breakdown. It was pretty pathetic. Made a bunch of posts about how she no longer “felt safe” attending their events and acted like the drag queen actually said something bad. Then she was like “I’m gonna sell all of my merch of this drag queen and donate the funds to Israel like a good Zionist” and she bought the domain name for like “FuckDragQueensName.com” and it’s such a stupid idea. Like, who would buy her from her that way? I feel like using Trump would be an easy comparison for this. If someone decided they hate Trump after previously supporting him and wanted to sell all their MAGA shit so they could donate it to like Planned Parenthood or something and started selling it on “FuckDonaldTrump.com” who would be buying it? People that support Trump would be turned off by the site name and even if they investigate, they’ll probably read the part that says the money is gonna go to Planned Parenthood and realize they should probably not buy it. She’s dumb and I hope she realizes she’s a piece of shit soon cuz she should’ve months ago.

#rant #free palestine

[breakersmansh]

My day was decent. Got rejected from Marquette Law School today. It was my safety school. I was gonna try to make marijuana laws here better. I guess there’s always 2 more years that my LSAT is good for. Still have one other school I might get into—and if I get in, will I go? Interesting question.

It was refreshing and chill to do Catholic Sabbath last night. I was arguing with a rabbi about the idea that the Sabbath never ends in one variant of progressive Jewish thought. Switched over to Cath Sab for Reaper’s and my sakes, so played around with this Sabbath not ending either. It was interesting. I think my theory’s right. I’m glad I did it, and I’ll probably do it again next Sunday.

Smiles on smiles s :)

Stretch goal tonight would be Wings Over for dinner. More likely ramen. Woot woot! :)

This summer should be pretty awesome. Hope summer’s rad for everyone else too, and if your today wasn’t fun hope tomorrow will be better.

Played Weedopoly a bit, amid everything else. Between CrossFit and the hemp market, that’s two really fun alternative healthcare spaces. When I was exploring how government programs work a bit earlier today, I had an interesting chat about like the 08 elections talking about death panels and stuff if we got universal healthcare. I was curious what the call center agent thought about that idea, like 15 years later. It was an interesting chat. I like the Bernie space, and whatever was going on discursively in the 2008 election was interesting stuff.

I’m sick, so, doing the usual rigamarole.

I’m learning weird but cool stuff about like traditional stereotypes about Jews. Jews have horns. The expression "Jew me down." It’s just interesting to inhabit this space. I think like any stereotype, it’s just an interesting space. Chrismukkah this year will be interesting after the kind of year I’m having. Chrismukkah 2021 (2564 EB) was devoted to warmth and tenderness (וורמטה &טנדרנסס). 2022 was tender cause of Reap and the other TMN ppl. 2023–almost wanna start planning for December now. Really, really, really early. And St. Patty’s Day next year.

As far as my health journey, I started reading the International Journal of Law and Psychiatry. It’s kind of a fun stuff to browse through, in a nerdy way. It’s kind of a cool space where Reap and my ideas about law and psychiatry kind of meet.

Doesn’t matter how pro- or anti-psychiatry one is, from one perspective. From the perspective of this law journal. Read a bit about my condition. I’m kind of stoked and looking forward to some cool anniversaries. October 1, kind of the anniversary of the day we met, Nov 19, anniversary of Harvard vs. Yale, May 2023–feast day.

Hoping everyone over at TMN is chill and hope stuff gets better for you all if not. And hi to everyone here too. 👋🙂

Looking forward to paying my Rhode Island taxes and federal taxes soon. Tax Day, one of my favorite holidays right now lol. :)

nNov

v mental health

or L Jouenak I

m I’m having

[w-ht-w]

Philosophy Tube on effective altruism, longtermism.

EAs tend to be young - in their twenties and thirties - male, white and university educated. They're people who want to make the world better obviously, often people who are dissatisfied with politics. Most describe themselves as left wing or centre left and atheist or agnostic. It might also be fair to say that the movement attracts a certain kind of personality: somebody who enjoys intellectual challenge and rigorous debate, maybe people who have a little bit of a contrarian streak. 

A challenge that's often posed to effective altruism classic as well. It goes like this! Suppose a homeless person asks you for money and you've got three pounds in your pocket, but you're a dedicated effective altruist. So you say no 'cause you don't know what they're gonna spend that money on; you don't know the consequences of that action. Instead, you put that money towards buying malaria nets for somebody 3,000 miles away. A critic might say that you've missed the point of morality. A human being asked you for help and you ignored them. You could have given them that money. You could have given them something more valuable by looking them in the eye and saying, "I'm sorry, it's all I've got on me right now, but I hope things turn around for you." You could have given them your respect even if it wouldn't have the optimum consequences. Isn't morality about human beings and the way that we treat each other? I mean, what about justice? What about generosity? What about kindness? I mean yes, you might say there's arbitrary emotional attachments, but isn't having arbitrary emotional attachments what being human is all about?! I mean, we might as well let the computers take over if you're just gonna make all your decisions like frikkin Spock! - Finally, someone agrees with me! - And what this amounts to is rejecting the idea that consequences are the main thing that matters when it comes to charity.

[MacAskill and Ord said] technology can lock in bad values long term.

Effective altruism + its proponents are pretty a-political, and therefore palatable to market-driven status quos.

in his book, "Winners Take All," the journalist Anand Girihadaras says that modern philanthropy was invented in the late 19th century when the USA was very unequal. Men like Andrew Carnegie and JD Rockefeller got very rich and faced a lot of criticism for it. So they invented a new way to donate money: the private foundation. And these days private foundations are everywhere! In exchange for their charity, these men expected not to get criticised for how they made their money. If they engaged in unsafe working practices or union busting or they didn't pay their taxes, well, that's just a temporary blip on the road to a better world. And here we can see that the effective altruist idea of earn to give is really nothing new. It's just a restatement of this old idea that the best way to help people is through the free market and business. Through giving money away, yes, but never changing the system that makes the money. And from the 19th century to the present day, this idea has remained pretty much unaltered.

I think that effective altruism is very well suited to that world, MacAskill's book in particular. There's almost no politics in here. It's very win-win, very business friendly because it's a fusion of those 19th century ideas about poverty with modern development economics and some ethical philosophy.

I'm sure MacAskill would come back and say that effective altruism is about following the evidence. If it turned out that the best way to help the poor was through socialist revolution, well, then he'd be all for it. But remember, measurability bias: the evidence only takes you part of the way. And when there are gaps, it's that world of business clout that rushes in to fill them.

If you randomly asked one of the people who themselves live in abject poverty, there is no chance that they will mention one of EA's supported effective charities as having impacted their lives more than the work of traditional global antipoverty agencies."

The real question we're bumping up against here is how do we change the world? Do we work within the system or try to dismantle it? Do we talk to bankers or try and shut them down? If a movement is trying to do good, how do we deal with the bad things that it also does? These aren't questions that I can answer for you. They're questions that we all live inside of. I would never tell you to either join or not join the effective altruist movement. My job is to tell you what the theory says and why people believe it, so that whatever you decide to do, you do it with your eyes open. (1)

Comment:

There's also a human brain reward element to imagining your altruism affects future generations that I think is also driving a lot of the pro life movement. You are, by definition, helping people who don't exist. And those people who don't exist don't have immediate needs that you are only partially meeting, and you can imagine them as grateful as you please and your dollars as effective as you want without any proof to the contrary. It seems to make the whole endeavor a lot more rewarding. (1)

1. Philosophy Tube: The Rich Have Their Own Ethics: Effective Altruism & the Crypto Crash

#effective altruism

[extreme-investor-network]

Cruel to Be Kind

Let us begin with this post from an individual over in the land of wallstreetbets who is bemoaning the fact his $340,000 trading account has been beaten down to $88,000 (a 75% drop) due to picking up such gems as TSLA and ROKU. As you will see, he wants to know how other fellow "traders" deal with such sad feelings. Take a minute to read this: Now, a true act of tough love would basically say, "I'm sorry you had those losses. Please extract that $88,000, stop trading, and know you've got tons of time left to put your life in order. Focus on good mental health and stop harming yourself with trading." Of course, since this is reddit's WSB forum - - a venue for hopeless gambling addicts and self-imagined trading geniuses, no such advice was forthcoming. Instead, you had the likes of this.......... Yes, you read that right. The respondent just said two of the stupidest, most cliché things imaginable: - It isn't a loss until you sell; - The market will eventually come back. That second item is just plain insanity. Nowhere is in written, either on heaven or Earth, that all prices return to their point of origin at some point. Some people paid $1,243/share for Tesla only months ago. Can they rest assured that at some point, a year from now, or a decade, or even a hundred years from now, that it'll get there again? No! Is it possible? Yes. It is assured? No, no, no! As for the first point, that there's no loss until you sell. On this, I absolutely agree. If you're a tax authority. But otherwise, good GOD, people, the asset has DROPPED in price. You have a loss. Mark-to-market is a reality with every passing second of the day. Of course, that wasn't the only "advice" offered........ OK, so in this instance, perhaps to help this poor chap feel better about his $200,000+ loss, these two guys stated they've lost over TEN TIMES that amount and are still hanging in there like good bag holders. Let's examine a few of the elements of this interaction: - ".......the more numb you are to it": This sounds like an excerpt from a Gamblers Anonymous meeting - "Stocks are cheap now" - No, they're not! Their prices have dropped, yes, but that doesn't make them "cheap". They are still exceptionally expensive by any objective measure. - "The spring is coiling" - Nice metaphor, but it doesn't change the reality. There's no spring, and even if there was, it isn't "coiling." It makes for a nice visual image to seduce yourself into anticipating the orgiastic release of tension, but it ain't gonna happen. Ask the shareholders of Virgin Galactic how their coiled springs are doing. - "Hope the companies I own have their heads down and are working hard" - I can assure you, the personnel at these companies do have their heads down, but not for the reasons you hope. The rank-and-file employees there are completely bummed that their equity has lost so much value. They were counting on it to buy a house, have a nice retirement, or do any of the other things that fat employee stock options and RSUs can provide. As it is, that terrific incentive has vanished, and instead of "working hard", the personnel at the given firm are probably leaving the office at 5:00 p.m. with atomic clock accuracy. One more......... Okay, let's pluck through these final three: - "If I liked prices at the top, I like them more now" - That makes absolutely no sense. You aren't dealing with a commodity that has a fixed value. In other words, if you were purchasing jet fuel for your airline at a given price, and the price dropped by half, it makes all the sense in the world to cheerfully buy more fuel at the cheaper price. You get the same benefit, but you're paying less. In the case of paying for an asset like corporate equity, there's no such comparison. In fact, the old saying "don't throw good money after bad" is based on the precept that something whose price is plunging is certainly acting that way for a reason. - "Inflation already peaked" - says who? Biden? Paul Krugman? God almighty? - "Dollar cost average. Have patience." - This is amateur hour, bush league type stuff. Buying more of stock XYZ at cheaper and cheaper prices, simply to assuage the pain you've felt by screwing up and buying it earlier at higher prices, is unworthy of an investor older than, say, an elementary school student. For equity bears, the psychological zeitgeist of the dialog above is tremendously helpful, because it helps create the slow, grinding, bounces-now-and-then stock market which makes for a fantastic shorting environment. For people like the original poster, however, who is coming to his peers, hat in hand, hoping to get some sage wisdom on how to deal with his financial woes, the counsel they are offering here will merely be a psychic salve as his 75% loss metastasizes into a 95% one. Original Article Original Article Here: Read the full article

[figofswords]

sick of seeing something something gamestop something stock market something reddit something something capitalism. you think I know how money works? I’m on tumblr for cool art not economics stop making me look at numbers

#to be clear I Am Kidding it’s fine I’m not actually upset #that said. half of my dash is completely incomprehensible #don’t try to explain it to me I won’t read it I’m illiterate #money makes no sense to me. I have been given the rundown of things like interest many many times and I never remember. never. #in one ear out the other #one of these days I’m gonna have to pay taxes and the way I’m hoping to deal with that is I do it with my dad #until the point where I’ve successfully married someone who understands math

[btssunnyboy]

Target Locked - Jeon Jungkook part 1

Who would have thought that love at first sight would make the prince go wild.

Word Count - 3,032

Warnings - profanity, yandere, and blackmail. There will probably be more as the series goes on.

Royal au and Yandere au! And request are open!

____________________________________________

The hatred that was pumping through your veins was powerful. It filled your whole body with anger and overtook your senses. If you didn’t have a little self control you would’ve thrown a stone underneath the golden crusted wheels and made the whole contraption crumble to the ground. Ever since the royal family forced your parents to work in horrendous conditions at the castle, your grudge has always been strong. And the fact that your parents were no longer here only made your hatred grow stronger.

The royal Jeon family should’ve been dethroned years ago, but by god’s grace somehow this unfit family has managed to stay within the top ranks. Many believe they’ve had professional assassins deal with the competition; others say they’ve stolen gold and other precious materials from neighboring kingdoms. Whatever the actual reason, you’ve stayed content with your decision to hold immense hatred in your body for them. You were just a little baby the day your parents got called away for duty, leaving you with your aunt.

Both of you worked at a small flower shop a bit ways down the main road. Since it was so far past the usual spots people often forget there’s a lot more adventures to try down the road. It was a simple job and you liked that, but simple didn't pay the taxes required to keep your small cottage. That you and your aunt occupied. A small hiss was delivered from your lips the moment a sharp thorn pierced the soft skin of your thumb.

Although, the sharp thorns weren’t the only things piercing you. You felt the gentle tug of your aunt's hand around your upper arm as well. A small smudge of dirt started to cake the white sleeve of your old dress. Taking a nearby rag and beginning to scrub lightly, before your actions were halted all together. Your eyes creased in confusion when your aunt continued to tug upon your arm, her grip slowly getting tighter. When in a sudden motion your arm was thrown into the sharp thorns of the nearby flowers.

You wiped away the splotches of blood that were already building within the small scrap. Your mood was already destroyed the moment you smeared a small drop of ruby along the baby blue of the forget me nots. You could already feel the time you put into the bouquet being wasted as you knew it was gonna have to be thrown out.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you. It is very early in the morning.” A silvery voice echoed softly through your ears. The small click of their shoes against the old wood made you more alert the closer they got. “I was wondering if you beautiful women would provide me with many bewitched bouquets for my coronation this week?”

Before you could even open your mouth or protest. Mary has already accepted the offer with grace. “Of course your highness, how many were you expecting?”

The highness tapped his chin in concentration and looked around aimlessly at the abundance of different sets of flowers. A small smile danced across his lips as he took in the scenery that was before him. “As you know, my castle is not lacking in size. I’ll most likely need over a few hundred if that is possible.”

Your throat went dry and your hands clenched. You wanted absolutely nothing to do with royals whatsoever. The thought of then even touching one of your precious flowers was enough to send your body into a pulsing wave of nausea. “Sorry- “

Mary stomped her foot forcefully into yours and gave you a side glance. She gave another forceful smile to the highness as she answered his question in a better way. “Of course! It will not be a problem, but the price will be a bit much.”

“Nonsense no price is too high. I will pay top dollar to have your delightful flowers grace everyone with their present.” He smiled warmly and placed a brown sag upon the old wood desk. “There'll be plenty more than that.”

The sudden urge to release the saliva that was being produced in your mouth was overwhelming. You could smell the slimy facade on this man from a mile away and you’ll be damned if you even help with this. On the other hand Mary was jumping for joy the moment the door closed.

“Jeon Jungkook, our prince, just asked to design for his coronation! Do you know how big this is!” Mary spoke as she dug her hands around the coins that occupied the small bag. She was over the moon. “I even heard that they’ve gonna be picking his wife as well!”

The disgust bubbled within your body at the mere thought of being engaged to the prick of a man. Talking down upon royals is very frowned upon, but with Jeon’s you could care less. Had you been given the chance to spit in his face and tell him to get the hell out of your shop you would have. Mary would’ve dropped to her knee and praised him like the gods those people think they are.

“I refuse to play a helping hand in something that involves that dreadful family.” You sassed, and started working on the small sunflowers that were beginning to wilt. These flowers deserve a front row seat in the sunlight, not to be shoved into a dimly lit corner were no one would appreciate them.

“Oh come on! Think of the money we could get and besides they say he’s visiting commoners to see who suits his fancy.”

The fake gag that left your throat was immediately led by a small hit against your shoulder. A shutter of disgusted shot through your body, you pity the poor woman who has to take his hand in marriage. “Oh god Mary, don’t tell me you’re excited about that?”

“Oh dear, I’m more excited! I’m gonna do everything in my power to make myself the perfect woman for him and he’ll just have to choose me!” She boasted as he twirled around in her old ratty green dress. Her eyes were twinkling bright no doubt holding her imagination of being part of the Jeon family.

You only shook your head as you looked out into the morning sky and awe at the beautiful oranges and pinks that were beginning to mix together. “I’m gonna go uptown and get us some breakfast.”

Without thinking she tossed the whole bag to your small hands. Her eyebrows were raised in concentration. “You don’t have to settle for some three day old bread, we’re eating like queens for at least a day.”

You nodded your head in understanding. Mayhaps, the money these people throw around is actually good for something. You set off on the small rocky path that led to the pastry shop a few blocks down. The quite handsome shop owners, Min Yoongi and his partner in crime Jung Hoseok were always so nice to you no matter what. They would always offer their best new creation for free, but you knew they needed the money just as much as you did. Opening the door and letting the heavenly smell take up your nose was a blessing.

“Well I can’t believe it, it is our favorite customer.” A gruff voice chirped out from behind the polished counter. A big smile gracing his face in your presence. “I’m sorry it’s another day of bread.”

A quick shake of your head made the man even more interested in you. You lifted up the heavy bag and his eyes practically bulged from his head. “Yoongi- Hyung!”

A few seconds later a grumpy looking man rounded the corner before his eyes widened as well. His steps soon became accelerated. “Oh shit!”

“I know. The highness paid a visit and this is just the down payment we have much more coming in. I may not enjoy the royals, but god I do love their money sometimes.” Their eyes widened in shock and little gaps would leave their mouths, but no full sentence was able to form. They gawked for another minute as you eyes the puff pastry that were on display. The mere thought of filling your belly was much more exciting than talking about the royals. “Oh my, is that the new apple and honey!”

“Twenty-five. And don’t think we’re just gonna let you speed right past that sack of gold in your grip.”

“My ass, it says five on the card.” You motioned to the small white paper that was taped to the side of the glass. The dollars sign and the beautiful number five adorned the small paper.

“You’re packing now, sorry princess but the price goes up!” Yoongi shrugged and carefully took the pastry from his original position. A playful smile tugged on his lips as he tried his best to refrain from chuckling as your shocked expression.

You eyed Hoseok in the back as he only shook his head and held up five fingers. You quickly fished the five gold coins that were needed and then deposited another set of five into the tip chair. An offened scoff left Yoongi's lips as he watched it unfold. You huffed and made your eyebrows crease before adding another set of five to the once vacant jar.

“Don’t forget the banana nut bread for Mary!” You called out and they processewalked back. A small yeah was heard from the kitchen as they found a piece and tried to deliver it quickly to you.

“Good luck with the highness later on!”

—

Usually Jeon Jungkook wouldn’t give a second thought to a commoner who gave him a rude response. He’d replay the statement his mother told him over and over again. In this business it’s better to have people hate you. It means you’ve got something they’re intimidated by. Even though that probably isn’t true on some scale, he still listens to it to keep himself calm. The last thing he needed was another scandal about him raising his hand towards the commoner, but she was different. The small remakes that passed through her delicate lips didn’t set him up in flames, if anything they cooled him down like the ice cold waters of the Crystal Falls beyond the kingdom's forest.

His leg bounded anxiously as the carriage rattled. His eyes were fixated on the plant that grew not so peacefully on the sides of the road. Due to them being trampled by the horses or simply stepped on by the people who wandered the roads. Each small and frail plant he crossed made his mind wander back to her and his chest swelled up in worry at the thought of you being trampled or crushed into anything that could hurt you. You needed to be protect and he knew the exact way to do it. All he had to do was approach his parents about his idea and everything is set in stone.

He still can’t wrap his head around the fact, he met you less than five minutes ago and now he is almost infatuated. This has only happened once before and he knew It was a dangerous game he was gonna have to play. He knew you weren’t gonna be on board with his plan the first time you heard it, but everyone needs a bit of coaxing. He tried to coax the other one into listening and it worked for a while until he lost interest and that’s when things became deadly. He knew he wasn’t gonna lose interest in you, you were so...different. A refreshing take on what he’s used to. This was a rare occurrence and he knew this was one chance to make you his.

The excitement that was building up was almost too much for him. When the carriage came to a halt he bursted through the small door before the coachman could even settle down his horses properly. He took long strides and started sprinting towards his mother. The coronation was days away and he already had his wife picked out. Oh, how lucky you were gonna be.

“Mother, Father, I've come to a decision.” He spoke formally while approaching his curious family. He took note of the pride in their eyes and his stance grew even more. Oh he jusy knew they were going to adore you. “I’ve grown quite fond of someone already! And we met just a moment ago, and you would have felt the sparks in the air! .”

His mother cocked her head to the side and pressed she’d freshly manicured nails to her red lips to stifle her laugh. Out of all her years, she’s never seen her son exude so much joy in his lifetime. It was honestly a refreshing change from his otherwise sorrowful state. “Honey, that's wonderful! But I must remind you, princesses from around the nation are coming to your coronation, don’t you think it’s fair to give them a chance too?”

As much as he hated to admit it, he understood where his mother was coming from. People from around the nation's greatest kingdoms were coming to see him. They were coming to show them just how great of a partner, lover and maybe future Queen they would make. This was a huge honor not only to him, but to his entire royal bloodline. How dare he even think of messing up such a tradition.

“Son, that’s truly wonderful, but it’s probably just a small crush. You don’t get out of the castle much, maybe seeing her was just a simple fluke.” His father tried to suggest it. But Jungkook knew what kind of facade his father was trying to cover up. He knew his father wanted nothing to put a blemish on his royal bloodline. He’d kill to make sure his son only married the wealthiest and beautiful princess there is.

Jungkook had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He had to resist the urge to spit in his parents' faces, because they were so judgemental. They’ve always told him to be open with his feelings, and the one moment he is they crush them beneath their leather bound shoes.

“I can see you’re beginning to get upset with us, but we’re only saying these things to try and get your mind back on track. Because there are many wonderful women who are coming to see you!” His mothers pearly whites dazzled in the sunlight. They were a great contrast to her twisted soul. Those bright whites shined brightly, and you could almost for a second think she’d be a kind soul. But just as you were about to pull away she’d pull you right back into her twisted ways.

“I understand, mother but -“ Jungkook gritted his teeth and his mother held up her hand. A silent signal showcasing that this topic was becoming a burden to her. That her son was becoming a problem at this moment, and she wanted him to leave before things went too far. “Really, mother, are you seriously giving me the hand?”

His statement hung in the air as he watched his mother harshly pinch the bridge of her nose. Short and huffed breaths passed through her ruby red lips as she slammed her book shut. “We’ve given you everything, and you think eyeing a commoner is gonna do us any good? You're only thinking about yourself.”

“Oh I’m the one who’s only thinking of themselves? Says the two who only want me to marry someone who would break their back to please you. The mere thought of not being in control of something is sending you two into a spiral!” His tone was slightly elevated and they noticed. The small vein in his forehead was slightly bulging out.

“You simply met this woman today, this has nothing to do with control. But everything to do with that fact that you are not thinking straight. And if this continues we’ll make sure you never get that crown.” Spit was slightly forming on the corners of the Queen’s mouth. The agitation was shown clearly in her voice as her sharp eyes shot bullets into her son.

A dark laugh passed through Jungkook’s lips as he stared daggers at his mothers. He stepped towards his mother as his frame towered over her. “If you even think of taking this crown from me I’ll make sure every kingdom and every royal knows the real reason as why to why Father was crowned king so early on.”

“You wouldn’t dare, Jungkook.” This time it was his father speaking up. A sharp tone was slipping off his tongue, but Jungkook saw a slight hint of fear in his fathers eyes. And he knew at that moment his fate was set. The couple knew just how cruel their son could be, ever since his first girlfriend. And if he wanted to bring down the kingdom they knew he wouldn’t stop till it was nothing but dust and ash.

“Take this crown away from me, take her away from me. And I’ll make sure every little secret that has been hidden behind these walls for long, see the light of day.” His eyes were stone as he stared at the two of them and waited for a response. But nothing was slipping past those dreadful lips of theirs. “Now we’re on the same page, and while we’re at it I need my coronation date pushed back. I’m going to see her again, and she will be the new queen whether you like it or not.”

They could only stare dumbfounded at their son. The words were on the tip of their tongue, but they truly didn’t have the guts to talk back right now. Usually it was them calling the shots, usually it was them telling their son how to handle things. But now the tables have turned and their son was on the opposite side of the problems, and they were at his mercy. And it was looking as if the only answer to this problem was letting him have full control, and they knew only chaos would come from it.

#kpop x reader #bts x reader #Jungkook x reader #Jungkook imagine #yandere Jungkook #Jeon Jungkook #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #kim taehyung #bts #imagines #bts imagines #bts scenarios #kpop scenarios #bts x you #kpop x you #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #royal au #you x bts #you x kpop #kpop yandere #yandere fanfiction #Jungkook x you

[baepsaesbae]

Love Isn’t a Science

Pairing— Kim Taehyung x female reader   Genre— Smut, angst, college au, enemies to lovers au, laboratory au (? I’m sorry there’s gonna be some lab stuff), some comedy and fluff if you squint maybe Warnings— Taehyung being a dick, fingering, oral (fem receiving), sex in general, some name calling (but like baby and babygirl), light spanking, some alcohol intake, swearing   Word Count— ~8k Summary— Working in a lab was going smoothly until a cocky upperclassman decided to show up 

A/N— I hope you guys enjoy this! I wish something like this happened to me during my undergrad lab days. The super cool banner was made by @kimtaehyunq! As always, don’t be afraid to leave any comments or feedback!

Finding an undergraduate research position at a top tier research University is no easy feat. However, you managed to find one that was perfect for you, plus the PI offered to pay you. That’s basically like finding a needle in a haystack. You were beyond ecstatic to begin working your first lab job, especially since you weren’t sure if research was for you. This was the perfect opportunity to weed out possible careers for after graduation. 

That was a year ago. Now, you’re the most trusted undergraduate student in the lab. You’re often given your own samples to work with, on top of helping out the graduate students and postdocs. Taking pride in the high expectations placed upon you, you worked diligently every day to prove yourself to your older coworkers. Over the course of the past year, the lab director had given you at least four other undergraduates to mentor. They were told to follow you around as you showed them the ropes. Initially you were happy with the new responsibility. You did your best to answer any questions they had, and always showed them how to do everything step by step. 

Unfortunately, your patience began wearing thin. The younger undergraduates started to become an annoyance as you realized that you weren’t able to get your own work done efficiently. All their questions were slowing you down, and they were getting in the way of your tasks (literally, they were always in the way). Yeah, you would let them practice with your samples, but they always took so much time. It practically took them years to accomplish a simple staining technique, and it felt like an eternity had passed by the time they finished mounting their slides properly. Of course, it wasn’t their fault, and you knew you were the same way starting out. That didn’t make them any less annoying.

You concocted a devious plan to overload and stress them out, hopefully to the point of quitting. You had become rather protective of your lab. This was your turf, you found it first, fair and square. Of course, your plan had worked, and each undergrad that had come under your wing shortly left. They told the lab director that the stress was too much and was interfering with their schoolwork. It had been a relaxing few weeks since you had to mentor the last undergrad that came in.

“I never realized how taxing the work here could be on full time students. You guys aren’t even really doing the super hard stuff. But don’t get me wrong, we really appreciate all the help from you, ___. We wouldn’t be nearly this productive without you,” your lab director, Jaehyun, said before taking a bite of his sandwich. 

“It’s really not that bad. First years are probably just overstressed because they also have to adapt to a new university setting,” you reasoned, sitting across from Jaehyun at the breakroom table.

“I guess you were a special first year when you started! Our boss told me that we’re going to stop hiring undergraduates soon. He’s tired of having them quit after only a few weeks. He said they aren’t worth all the paperwork,” Jaehyun replied. Your ears perked up.

“So I’m going to be the only undergraduate in the lab?” you asked, trying to conceal your excitement. Finally, no more pesky kids to mentor (even though technically you were one of those kids). 

“Yeah, pretty much! Sorry, you’re going to be surrounded by boring old people for the rest of your time here at the lab,” Jaehyun smiled.

“It’s not a problem! You guys aren’t that old,” you teased, “I’m gonna head to class. See you next week!” you said as Jaehyun waved back at you.

After leaving the breakroom, you couldn’t contain the huge grin on your face. The lab is finally all yours. Is that a little selfish of you? Absolutely. Do you feel bad about it? Absolutely not. All your hard work has paid off. You can finally work in peace without worrying about Jaehyun plopping another doe eyed first year in your lap. Or so you thought. 

You happily headed to work after your last class of the day. Once in the lab, Jaehyun gave you new samples to section (meaning to cut up tissue samples so that you can put it on a slide). Sitting in front of the Microtone, (the machine that sections) you got straight to work. You found your groove and everything was going smoothly, which was rare because cutting samples was your least favorite part of the job. You had gotten a lot better over time, but it was still a demanding task. You were happily humming along to the music playing in your earbuds, when you got tapped on the shoulder. The unexpected touch caused you to jump, bumping the table. You straightened up quickly and turned around.

“Sorry for scaring you,” Jaehyun chuckled.

“No, it’s fine! What can I help you with?” you smiled sweetly, trying to conceal your embarrassment.

“I know that I told you we were probably not going to hire any more undergraduates, but we have an exception here,” he gestured to the tall boy standing behind him, “This is Kim Taehyung. He’s actually a year ahead of you, so hopefully he’ll be able to keep up with you. Taehyung, this is ___. She’s our most trusted undergrad student and she’ll show you the ropes. Shadow her for the next few weeks and we’ll evaluate how you feel by the end of the month,” Jaehyun shot you a smile before leaving the two of you to get acquainted. 

Your eyes followed Jaehyun until he was out of sight, and your gaze drifted back to your new mentee. You were annoyed to say the least. You thought you were done with this bullshit. You took note of how Jaehyun called him an “exception”. Maybe if you broke him in too, he really would be the last undergrad you’d ever have to mentor. You studied the boy standing before you. His dark hair was messy but in an impossibly perfect way. His gaze was piercing, as his dark brown eyes were distractingly intense. The more you studied his face, the more irritated you got by how perfect he looked. Most girls would have fallen for him on the spot (and they do), but to you, this handsome specimen was nothing more than competition.

“So uh, hi. I’m Kim Taehyung, as she told you. I’m looking forward to working with you,” Taehyung gave you a sincere bow, and you felt your cheeks start to flush.

“Hi Taehyung, I’m ___. You don’t have to be so formal with me. I’m younger than you after all. I guess the mentoring starts now,” you swiveled your chair back to the Microtone. 

Taehyung stood closely next to you, keenly observing your every move. He opened his mouth, presumably to pose a question, before you interrupted him with an in depth explanation of what you were doing. You had gone through this spiel countless times, so there were hints of apathy in your voice. Taehyung listened quietly but intently. 

“Well, that was a long winded explanation for a simple task,” Taehyung responded after you were done, “I was gonna say that water is leaking out of it, and you can fix that by doing this,” he fiddled with the machine, exchanging the positions of various tubing.

You looked at him dumbfounded. You felt disrespected and anger was starting to swell within you. 

“I would have realized that if I wasn’t interrupted by you,” you snapped.

“Really? The puddle was there when I got here. That was the first thing I noticed. Are you sure you’re the best undergrad here? Actually, nevermind I guess it makes sense since you’re the only undergrad in the lab,” Taehyung leaned in and smirked.

“Correct. I am the only undergrad here. All the others quit. And yet here I am, still standing--or sitting. Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I am still here and they appreciate my help. Hopefully by the end of the month, you’ll quit too,” you practically spat back in his face. Who did this guy think he was? Mr. Tall and Gorgeous just strolling in, telling you how to do your job.

“Oh you think I’ll quit? I don’t think so, little girl. Getting a lab job at this University is tough as shit, and now that I have the chance, I intend to take it. So get used to seeing a lot of me, honey,” Taehyung winked at you. 

You didn’t know what to do. All your prior mentees were clueless little freshmen. It was easy to overwhelm them. Now you have to put up with this somewhat competent jerk. You scoffed in response and got back to work. Taehyung stood wordlessly beside you until you finished all your blocks. 

“Finally,” he said as you stood up from the bench. You shot him an intense death glare. 

“I’m taking my lunch break. We have to wait for these slides to dry. But I’m sure you already knew that,” you said with as much hostility as you could muster. Taehyung just smiled and nodded in response, which only added more fuel to your annoyance. 

“Why are you here?” you asked, pulling out your lunch.

“I was instructed to shadow you so here I am,” Taehyung said as a matter-of-factly.

“Oh so if I need to pee you’re gonna follow me to the bathroom too? You can go get your own lunch. Just come back to the lab afterwards. Or don’t. I would prefer it if I never saw you again,” you said coldly.

“Ouch, why so mean? Is it because no one has ever even compared to little Miss Perfect?” Taehyung teased. 

You didn’t acknowledge him. He didn’t deserve a response from you. Never in your life had anyone made such a bad impression so quickly. You sighed and sadly realized that the next few weeks were going to be tough. The fact that he was probably the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen made him even more agonizing to deal with. 

Back in the lab, Taehyung tried to spark a conversation with you. Multiple times. He tried to ask you for your major, where you’re from, and what your favorite TV show was. You remained mute at every attempt. You tried your best to simply focus on your job. 

“What are you doing now?” Taehyung asked from the corner of the staining room. When you guys entered the room about half an hour ago, you simply pointed at a corner while glaring at him, indicating that that was where you wanted him to be.

“Oh, Mr. Know-It-All doesn’t know what I’m doing? It’s such a simple staining protocol,” you rolled your eyes in response. 

“I feel like we got off on the wrong foot,” you heard Taehyung say.

“Yeah no shit Sherlock,” you grumbled. 

You suddenly felt a slight pressure on your back. Taehyung moved from his corner and stood directly behind you, leaving no room for Jesus. A chill ran down your spine.

“W-what are you doing?” you asked in a panicked tone, your voice becoming high pitched.

“I’m going to observe you closely and listen to your every boring explanation. Like a good little mentee. That’s what you wanted right? Is that why all the others quit? Because of how boring you were?” before you could react, Taehyung chuckled, “I’m just kidding ___. It’s actually quite respectable that you still have a position here. I’m impressed that you’ve kept it,” he was so close that his breath was practically tickling your ear. You could smell his cologne, and the situation as a whole was starting to distract you. 

“That sounded like a back handed compliment to me. Yes, I would absolutely love it if you would just shut up and watch me do my work. You’d get in the way less. Also, you don’t have to be so close to me,” you were at your limit. 

You hated to admit it, but Taehyung’s presence was overwhelming. You had no problem spewing retorts at him when he was on the other side of the room. But with the space between you two literally gone, you were at a loss for words. He made you nervous for reasons not yet known. Was it because a gorgeous man was literally pressed up against your back? His scent surrounding you, blocking out the other chemicals in the hood? Was it because the man who is seemingly your rival is practically breathing down your back? His deep voice buzzing in your ear caused your heart to race. 

Taehyung took a step back and gave you the distance you requested. A wave of relief rushed through your body. If Taehyung was trying to intimidate you, he was going to have to try harder than that. You made a mental note to not ever give into his charms and wiles. 

The rest of the day went on in silence. After a few more feeble attempts at trying to converse with you, Taehyung finally gave up. The small victory had you smirking to yourself as you added primary antibodies to your slides. 

“This is all I needed to do for today. So unless you’re gonna follow me home too, you’re free from being my shadow,” you finally broke the silence.

“Fuckin’ finally. You’re such a stick in the mud. Unfortunately, I have been instructed to be your shadow for the next few weeks. So I’m actually not free from your clutches,” he responded nonchalantly. 

“Quite a tragedy for the both of us,” you left with the final word. 

“Yes I know I said he’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life. But it sucks because he’s also the biggest dick I’ve ever met. What? No I’m not imagining if he has the biggest dick I’ll ever see! You’re missing the bigger picture here Momo! He’s gonna be the bane of my existence, I can feel it,” you were on the phone with your best friend, recounting the events that had transpired that day.

“Maybe he has that cool boy asshole attitude at first, but once you get to know him, he’s actually a sweetheart! At the very least, maybe you can get in his pants. God knows you haven’t done that in a while,” Momo teased on the other side of the line.

“Oh shut up. I don’t want to get to know this guy--”

“Maybe you should. If not for dating purposes, then at least for a friendly working environment?”

“I hate when you make good points. Fine. I’ll try to be nicer tomorrow. But just for the record, I was nice initially. He was the jerk first.”

The day had been emotionally draining, so you were ready to hit the hay. But once you were finally in bed, you couldn’t fall asleep. All you could think about was Taehyung. At first it was anger that filled your mind. You hated being disrespected like that. Then the hatred turned into something else. By picturing his stupid face, you couldn’t help but admire his chisled features. Then you remembered his scent. Something about it made you want more. Remembering the sensation of his breath against your skin from when he was trying to intimidate you set something off. Was it lust? Disgusting. Shaking your head, you forced yourself to finally go to sleep. 

You were ready to face Kim Taehyung today. Only this time, you’d do it with a smile. Momo was right. There was no use in making your workplace a battlefield. It was a sad realization, but Taehyung was probably not going to quit, meaning you’d be stuck with his stupid ass for god knows how long. 

When you got to the lab, you found Taehyung at your desk, swiveling in circles on your chair.

“Someone finally decided to show up,” he said when he saw you, still swiveling.

“Yeah, some of us have classes to go to. I come at this time every day,” you abruptly stopped his spinning with your foot, causing Taehyung to nearly fall out of the chair. 

“C’mon pretty boy, we have a lot of work to do today,” you said impatiently.

“Oh you think I’m pretty? I’m flattered, ___, but we should probably keep this professional,” Taehyung responded, following closely behind you.

The day went on surprisingly smoothly. There were no snide remarks from Taehyung that made your blood boil. You showed him the proper techniques for preparing commonly used solutions. After that, you showed him the proper way to add secondary antibodies. You also showed him how to mount different types of stained slides properly. 

“You do all of this by yourself?” he asked. 

“Yeah, every week. With the samples I’m given plus whatever anyone else needs help with. Being an undergrad basically means doing all the bitchwork,” you glared at him before he could say anything, “But that does not mean that I’m not doing anything important.” 

“Whoa calm down, I wasn’t going to say anything like that. Again, I’m impressed you’re doing so much. You’re pretty good with your hands,” Taehyung smirked.

“Thanks, you have to have steady hands when dealing with these things--”

“It’s too bad that you’re still shit at mounting slides.”

“Excuse me?” you were aghast. You thought everything was going well. 

“Look at this. You have extra mounting solution oozing out from the sides. Talk about wasteful. Also you smudged the top of the cover slip. Jesus christ you’re sloppy,” Taehyung picked up one of your slides to examine it. 

“Oh fuck off! You try to do it better then. I can’t focus properly when someone is breathing down my back,” you angrily thrust a slide at him. 

“Happily. Lemme show you how it’s done,” Taehyung cockily took the slide and mimicked what you did. 

Much to your dismay, he did it perfectly. His slide had none of the flaws that yours had. 

“Hopefully they don’t fire you by the end of the month,” Taehyung winked as he handed his slide back to you. 

You felt utterly defeated. Not only was he a cocky piece of shit, he had every right to be. He perfected every technique you showed him. His skills surpassed yours with ease. The lab that once brought you joy plus a sense of purpose now left you feeling dejected. This went on for the next two weeks. You gave up on trying to one up Taehyung. Instead, you quietly did your work and bit your tongue when he ridiculed you. 

One day, Jaehyun came up to you with the slides that Taehyung did. You figured he didn’t need guidance, so you gave him his own set of things to handle. 

“These are probably the best slides you’ve ever done!” Jaehyun praised.

“Oh. I didn’t do them. Those are all Taehyung’s--”

“___ helped me a lot with those! She practically did everything for me. She’s so helpful,” Taehyung chimed in, materializing out of the blue. 

“Aw, and she was trying to give all the credit to you? She’s so modest. Great work, both of you,” Jaehyun smiled before disappearing into the microscope room.

“Why did you do that?” you questioned Taehyung. You couldn’t figure out what his motive was. 

“You’re the star undergrad of the lab. I didn’t wanna ruin that for you. It’s rewarding enough to know that my work is better than yours anyway. That’s all I need. I don’t need recognition from these goons,” Taehyung shrugged. 

“You can never say anything nice, can you? You’re such a fucking dick. These goons are all incredibly nice, and you might even ask them for a rec letter one day.”

“You don’t think me letting you take credit for my work is nice?”

“I don’t want to take credit for your work.”

“Ah, I forgot you’re one of those goody two shoes who wants to do everything for themselves--”

“Is that a problem?” you were beyond irritated. 

“No, it’s not a problem at all. I think it’s rather cute,” Taehyung chuckled before booping your nose.

“Don’t touch me,” you scowled. 

“That’s the first time a girl has ever said that to me,” Taehyung said with a sly grin.

“I’m glad I’m the first. You’re such a prick.”

“That is not the first time a girl has said that to me. Try harder,” Taehyung was still amused. 

During your argument, you didn’t realize Taehyung was creeping closer until you two were face to face, just a few inches apart. His cologne once again enveloped you, and your cheeks started to flush. God damn he smelled amazing.

“I”ll admit, I’m digging the hard to get strategy. Some girls have tried it before, but they always cave in. I’m surprised you haven’t yet,” Taehyung whispered to you. His deep voice coupled with the sensation of his breath on your ear caused you to whimper involuntarily. It was a quiet whimper, but Taehyung heard it nonetheless. 

“It’s not an act. I despise you. How dare you walk into my lab and act like you own the place? Unfortunately, we both know that you’re not going to leave or get fired any time soon. It has only been two weeks, and you already turned my sanctuary into a living hell,” you responded with every ounce of hatred in your body.

“Why don’t we have a truce then?” Taehyung offered.

“Sounds great. Never talk to me again,” you said curtly.

“Not what I had in mind. How about I stop calling out your mistakes and take you to dinner?”

“Yeah I’d love it if you’d shut the fuck--wait what? Dinner? Like, as friends?” you were shocked.

“Yes and no. I’d like to take you out to dinner, to apologize for my behavior. But I’d like to take you out as a colleague. After all, we are the only undergrads here, we might as well stick together,” Taehyung gave you a genuine smile, one that made your heart skip a beat.

“Oh...well...I guess if your apology is sincere, I can accept that. Fine. I agree. Wait, what is my part of the truce?” you realized you didn’t offer anything.

“I honestly didn’t think you’d agree to the dinner so I’m more than satisfied. Are you free Friday?” Taehyung inquired. 

“Yeah, after work.”

“Perfect! Text me your address and I’ll come pick you up.”

“We could go right after work.”

“Nah, I wanna go home and get ready. I don’t wanna go out smelling like weird chemicals.”

“Fair point.”

“Yeah I agreed to go to dinner with him. No, it’s not a date!” you called Momo as soon as you got home.

“Aw, it’s not? That’s too bad. I stalked this guy on social media and bitch! He looks like a god! The things I would let that guy do to me…” Momo sighed.

“Gross. He’s attractive but his personality brings him from a 10 to a 0. He drives me insane.”

“That’s how love works! Or is that lust?” Momo teased.

“Shut up. I’m not lusting after Kim Taehyung. He himself said that he’s taking me out as a colleague. I took him up on his offer because he agreed to stop calling my shit out at work. Plus, I’m tired of making those microwave dinners,” you reasoned, mostly to yourself. 

Taehyung had been uncharacteristically quiet after he asked you to dinner. The rest of the week had been peaceful for you. He ceased his snide remarks about every little thing you did. You saw him open his mouth a couple times while you were mounting slides, but he decided against saying anything each time. Instead of snarky comments, Taehyung kept the conversation light. The change in his demeanor was welcomed, but made you uneasy. You didn’t know what to expect from him. It was time to clock out when Taehyung called out to you.

“I know I asked you to text me your address, but I realized we don’t have each other’s number,” Taehyung said as you guys walked to the elevator together. 

“Oh yeah. I was gonna give it to you on Wednesday but you left too soon. Good thing you remembered or else that would’ve been a problem,” you handed your phone over to him.

“I could never forget about you, ___,” he gave you a playful wink before pulling you into him.

“What the fuck--”

“Cheese!” you heard a shutter click. Taehyung showed you the picture he took from his high angle. He was hardcore cheesing as his mouth turned into a boxy smile, and there was a mixture of confusion and anger on your face as you were pressed up against his chest.

“I just set that as my profile pic. You’re adorable,” Taehyung gave back your phone. His playfulness caused you to blush. He would always tease you in the lab, but it was never in a flirty way. 

“Thanks, I know I am,” you tried to keep your cool, “I’ll text you my address! I still don’t know where we’re going.”

“Cool, I’ll keep it as a surprise then. Wear something cute. But like cute in an adult way, if you know what I mean. I’ll pick you up at 7!” Taehyung flashed you a smile before you parted ways.

You smiled and waved in return. Once he was out of sight, a wave of panic crashed in your mind. You did not know what Taehyung meant. Cute? But in an adult way? Yeah you’re in your second year at University, but you never regarded yourself as an adult. 

Once home, you showered. A plethora of potential outfits danced across your mind, but none of them seemed to fit the occasion. You thought about calling Momo, but figured she would be no help. She would probably only focus on the fact that you were going on a potential date with THE Kim Taehyung. Wait no. Not a date. Just a dinner as colleagues. 

‘So it really shouldn’t matter what I’m wearing,’ you thought to yourself as you opened your closet. You finally settled on wearing a red dress. It was a tad bit more on the flirty side, as the neckline plunged to reveal some cleavage. For some reason, you decided to wear your only lingerie set underneath. It made you feel more confident. Plus, no one was gonna see it, so why not? You kept your makeup on the more conservative side. Even with only mascara, winged eyeliner, and a red lipstick that matched your dress, you felt pretty. It had been a while since you got even remotely dressed up. Suddenly, there was a knock on your front door that caused you to jump. You grab your purse and sprayed on perfume (you never do that) before scrambling to the door.

“Hey Taehyung!” you tried to say as casually as you could. Taehyung looked at you in disbelief, his mouth agape. 

“Wow ___. You look absolutely breathtaking. I know I said look cute but fuck, you’re somehow cute and hot at the same time,” Taehyung lowly chuckled.

“Thank you for the flattery. It’s highly appreciated. You don’t look too bad yourself,” you paused to look him up and down.

In casual clothes he looked amazing. But now, with his slightly opened button up shirt tucked into his black jeans coupled with a Gucci belt, he looked like a god. Taehyung took your hand in his as he walked you back to his car.

“What are you--”

“Can I not hold hands with my date?”

“D-Date? I thought you said--”

“Yeah I lied. You know you would’ve said no if I told you I wanted to take you on a date. Although I think part of you wanted that,” Taehyung shrugged, glancing at your outfit.

“Well maybe I don’t want to go out with you at all now. I hate liars,” you stopped abruptly. 

“I’ll walk you back to your apartment if you don’t want to go. That’s completely fine and I’ll respect your choice. Hell, I’ll even stop hitting on you. But I want you to know that this will be the last time I will ever lie to you,” Taehyung said to you in all seriousness, gazing deep into your eyes. 

“Well, I didn’t get dressed up for nothing. So, I guess I’ll still accompany you. On this uh...date,” you stuttered, “Wait you were hitting on me?”

“Of course I was, I thought that was obvious,” Taehyung shook his head as he opened the car door for you.

After a twenty minute drive in awkward silence, Taehyung pulled up to a fancy restaurant. This was the kind of place you couldn’t get in without a reservation months in advance. After being seated, you looked around, eyes wide.

“Is this what you meant by cute but like adult cute?” you questioned.

“Yeah, what did you think I meant?” Taehyung raised his eyebrows at you in amusement. 

“I honestly had no clue. You should’ve said fancy. That would have been more helpful.”

“Sorry, next time I’ll be more picky with my words,” Taehyung responded sarcastically. Even though it was sarcastic, the hostility that was once there had vanished.

You nearly spat out your water once you looked at the menu. Everything was so expensive, and you didn’t know what any of the dishes were. What the hell was Taehyung thinking? One meal was equal to one full day at work.

“You good?” Taehyung asked when he saw you struggling to pick something.

“Uh no actually. I, unfortunately, am not sophisticated enough to know what anything on this menu is. What would you recommend? Preferably one of the cheaper options,” you swallowed your pride.

“Everything here is amazing. The lobster spaghetti is the best thing I’ve ever had. It’ll pair well with the wine I’m ordering for us. And don’t worry about the pricing, I’m paying,” Taehyung smiled.

“What? No, I can pay for my own food, thank you though,” you tried to be polite, although part of you was secretly hoping he would insist on paying. Call it what you want, but the lab doesn’t pay you well enough to afford this. 

“Alright then,” Taehyung shrugged. You felt your heart (and your bank account) sink.

“Nah I’m playing. Of course I’ll pay, silly. This is a date, and I asked you out. Do you really not think I’m a gentleman?” Taehyung chuckled.

“Okay you jerk. Thanks. Yeah I’ll go with the lobster spaghetti then,” you shot him a playful glare.

“Ouch, that’s one of the most expensive things here.”

“Taehyung!”

“I’m kidding! Well, not really. It really is one of the more expensive things on here. But you’re worth it so it’s fine,” Taehyung smiled.

After ordering, Taehyung started asking you more personal questions. He really wanted to get to know everything about you. From your first pet to your favorite anime. Each question he asked sparked a conversation that kept you both entertained. He was much wittier than you gave him credit for, and you were more outgoing than he gave you credit for. The night was already exceeding all expectations, but it got even better when the food and the wine were brought out. A tall handsome man with dark hair came to your table after the food was delivered.

“Oh ___! This is the owner of this fine establishment, Kim Seokjin,” Taehyung introduced you.

“Hi ___, I hope you enjoy the food! Any friend of Taehyung is a friend of mine. You can call me Jin, or Worldwide Handsome. Both are appropriate,” Jin blew you a kiss, and you couldn’t help but laugh. Were all of Taehyung’s friends as gorgeous as he was?

“Sorry Jin, ___ is my date for tonight. Try your cute antics on her another time,” Taehyung said playfully to the older man.

“A date? But how? She’s so beautiful, and you’re so...not,” Jin laughed at himself, “Joking! You two lovebirds enjoy your evening. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you,” Jin gave you a thumbs up before excusing himself.

“He is certainly quite the charmer,” you laughed before digging into your meal. Taehyung wasn’t joking. This was the best lobster spaghetti you’ve ever had (not that you’ve had many). 

“Jin and I go way back. He followed his dreams to own a restaurant and now here he is. I admire him a ton for that. I’m so proud of him,” Taehyung said as he poured you a glass of wine.

“Oh? And what about you? Are you following your dream of being a lab assistant with a shit wage?” you teased. Taehyung’s expression dropped and you realized you must have hit a nerve.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung. I didn’t mean to--”

“You’re fine. I actually wanted to tell you. That was part of the reason why I asked you out tonight. Whew, here goes,” Taehyung took a deep breath, “I was actually fired from my last lab position. And also from the one before that. I was extremely lucky, I got involved with a lab during the summer before my freshman year. I didn’t have to worry about scouting out a lab and jumping through hoops for the PI to be let in. But the transition during freshman year was harder than I thought so I neglected my duties at that lab. Needless to say, I was fired. The second lab completely hoed me. They let me conduct my own experiments--which was dope--but when they actually worked, everyone was surprised. I thought I was going to be praised, and I was going to get my own publication. As a second year, mind you. That would’ve been insane. But instead the PI fired me and credited my research as his own. So that shit sucked. I tried to fight it, but who was going to listen to a second year undergrad student?”

“Taehyung, I'm so sorry. That’s awful,” you didn’t know what to say.

“It was awfully awful. But all that doesn’t excuse how I was treating you. The reason why I seemed to pick everything up so easily was because I’ve done all of that before in my other labs. It was frustrating to me to see how hardworking you were, because you just reminded me of myself. I promise, as your mentee, to stop being a dick about everything,” Taehyung held out his pinky.

You took it in yours and said, “Don’t break your promise, or else.”

“Or else what?” 

“Or else...I’ll be sad,” you couldn’t think of anything, and the wine was starting to give you a little buzz.

“You’ll be sad? Okay, you got me there, we can’t have that happening,” Taehyung laughed. 

You tried to pout, but it made Taehyung laugh even harder. Hearing him made you break into a smile, and eventually you joined in his laughter. Taehyung decided to put the conversation to a lighter topic, so he asked you about traveling. You love traveling, so you immediately started telling him about all your past endeavors. You talked for what felt like an eternity, but Taehyung didn’t seem to mind. He loved the way your eyes lit up when you were passionate. In the midst of you telling him about Seattle, your waiter brought another wine bottle.

“We didn’t order this,” Taehyung told the waiter.

“Compliments from Mr. Kim, Mr. Kim,” the waiter said, gesturing over to the kitchen.

You both look over to see Jin with a huge grin on his face, holding two thumbs up. You both smiled and bowed your heads to show your gratitude.

“Well, you up for another bottle?” Taehyung asked.

“I can never say no to free alcohol, especially not when it’s this expensive. And especially not when my company is this delightful,” you winked at Taehyung, giving him your glass.

Now it was Taehyung’s turn to be blushing. You never complimented him, so this was serendipitous. Truth be told, you were a lot friendlier when buzzed, and you were a lot hornier when you were past tipsy. Taehyung will find that out soon enough.

Taehyung drove you home after you both finished the last bottle. At that point, you were slightly more than tipsy, but not yet flat out drunk. Taehyung played jazz on the way home, and you happily swayed along to the music. Something about Chet Baker’s voice made you want to kiss Taehyung. Or maybe it wasn’t Chet Baker’s voice at all. Maybe you just wanted to kiss Taehyung. 

Taehyung, being the gentleman that he was, walked you back to your apartment. 

“You good, ___?” he asked as you stood in front of your door. 

“Yeah I’m great!” you cheerily exclaimed as you wrapped your arms around him.

“Aw, okay. I hope you had a good night. I should get going now--”

“No!” you pouted.

“What?” Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh. He would have never pictured you like this.

“I don’t want you to leave yet. Come inside?” you asked, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. How could he say no to that? 

“Alright. I can stay for a little bit,” Taehyung kissed you on the forehead, it was too hard not to. You let out a happy squeak and led him into your apartment. 

“Where is your water?” he asked.

“In the fridge! And cups are over there,” you pointed to a cabinet. 

“Okay, I’ll get you some water,” Taehyung helped you sit down on the couch.

“You get some water too! You gotta hydrate, or else you’ll diedrate,” you warned him. Taehyung chuckled to himself as he got water for the both of you. You were too adorable for him to handle. At least, that’s what he thought. He returned to you with a big glass of water. You latched onto him as soon as he sat down next to you.

“Now that I have you, I’m not gonna let go,” you said, snuggling yourself into his chest. 

“How am I supposed to go home then?” 

“Wait for me to fall asleep, then move me to my bed. Then you can go,” you smiled up at him. That logical answer amused Taehyung. He was thinking you were going to say something cute. 

“Fall asleep then. I’m getting tired,” Taehyung said, patting your head. That was partly true. He was tired, but he was also thrilled to be with you like this. 

“What if I’m not sleepy? Would you stay up with me?” the look in your eyes changed. You were no longer acting sweetly. The innocence in your eyes was replaced with desire.

“What would we be doing then, little girl?” Taehyung decided to play along.

“We could do this,” your lips locked with Taehyung’s. Soft lips intertwined as hands started to wander. Taehyung pulled you onto his lap as you started to unbutton his shirt.

“Are you sure about this?” Taehyung pulled back to ask.

“I haven’t been this sure about anything in awhile. And don’t worry, I’m not drunk. Just feeling a little bold,” you smirked as you planted a series of kisses along Taehyung’s neck. That elicited a low growl from him as he tossed his head back.

“What if I’m feeling bolder?” Taehyung whispered into your ear as he unzipped the back of your dress.

“I’ll happily help you out,” you said before kissing his supple lips again. Tongues began to shyly introduce themselves when Taehyung picked you up, his hands grabbing you by the ass.

“Room?” 

“That way,” you used your head to show him the direction. 

Once in your room, he tossed you onto the bed. You stripped off your dress, throwing it aside. You forgot you were wearing lingerie, but you thanked the lord that you were. Taehyung was staring at you, and licked his lips before smirking.

“Were you planning this?” he asked while taking off his shirt.

“Actually, no. This was a pleasant surprise for me.”

“For both of us. C’mere,” Taehyung jumped on top of you before smothering you with kisses. Starting from your mouth, he made his way to your neck as his hands worked their way up to your breasts. You lightly moaned at the sensation, it felt as though he was everywhere at once. He was gentle yet sensual at the same time. He licked up your neck, causing you to gasp. He chuckled and kissed his way down to your breasts. He looked at you, asking for permission to take off your bra.

“Yes, please. Take it all off,” you replied eagerly.

“All in due time, my dear,” Taehyung took off your bra and started to suck on one nipple, while the other was being pinched and played with. You’ve never gotten this horny off of second base alone. You felt yourself getting wetter by the minute. You couldn’t take it any longer.

“Taehyung…” you said softly.

“Yes baby?” Taehyung looked up at you, “What do you want me to do? I need you to say it.”

“Please touch me. Your tongue, fingers, dick. Anything. Everything. I need something, please,” you whined.

“You beg so nicely baby. You’ll get all three tonight. How does that sound?” Taehyung cooed, placing himself between your thighs.

“Oh that sounds lovely--oh fuck!” you cried out when Taehyung plunged his tongue into you without warning. As his tongue explored the more intimate parts of you, his thumb applied pressure on your clit. You weren’t able to control your moans anymore, and they only got louder as he started to circle his thumb around your clit. You buried your hands in his hair, bringing your hips closer to him.

“Relax baby, I’ll take care of you,” he assured as he drove two fingers into you, causing you to let out a long moan. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet. Taking in two fingers so easily. Do you think you can handle my cock?” he asked as his pace quickened in you. His fingers curled with every thrust, hitting the perfect spot each time. Your legs began to shake, and all you could do was moan and sprinkle little ‘yes pleases’ between them. 

“If you cum for me, I’ll fuck you with my cock. Can you do that baby?”

“Mmhmm, I’m so close,” you cried out. 

Taehyung started to lick your clit in tune with the pace of his fingers. The heat rose in your body until you were suddenly hit by a wave of euphoria. You violently came all over Taehyung as he helped you ride out your high.

“Good fucking girl,” he growled as he lapped you up, “you taste so fucking good.”

You were panting hard when you pulled Taehyung into you. You gave him a deep kiss, despite your juices still covering his mouth.

“How do you taste?” he asked when you pulled apart.

“Pretty fuckin good, if I do say so myself,” you smirked.

“Oh trust me I know. I’d eat you out all day if I had the chance. But that’ll be for another time,” he kissed you again.

“Now it’s your turn,” you said, tugging at his pants, “why are these still on?”

“Oh that can also be for another day, babygirl. Right now, I’m just gonna fuck your brains out until you cum again all over my cock,” Taehyung stated, flipping you over.

As he took off his jeans and underwear, he asked you if he needed a condom. You replied that you were on birth control and were clean, so if he was also clean and wanted to go in raw, he definitely could. You hear him let out a low moan in response. You felt him rub his dick along your pussy, getting it slick with your juices.

“Can you hurry up and fuck me already?” you pleaded.

You jolted forward as Taehyung slammed into you. The sudden stretch was alarming, but soon became nothing but pure pleasure as Taehyung roughly had his way with you. His long dick repeatedly hit your sweet spot. No one has ever been this deep before. Your long moans turned into high pitched whimpers with every thrust. 

“I was going to ease in nice and slowly then build up to this. But you’re such a little brat that you just wanted the entire thing right away, huh? So fucking naughty,” Taehyung grunted out between thrusts. 

He slapped your ass, and the initial shock turned into pain mixed with pleasure. You tried to stifle your noises in an attempt to hear Taehyung’s moans of pleasure. They were low, but sexy nonetheless. Just hearing him made you wetter. 

Taehyung flipped you on your back, slowing his pace. Now he started to tease you, thrusting roughly into you, but taking his sweet time coming out. He loved seeing the way your face would contort from a pout to sheer pleasure. He could’ve done this for eternity, but his dick said otherwise. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” he said, bending over to give you a quick kiss.

The tenderness of the kiss did not match the rest of the scenario. You didn’t have time to process the compliment because Taehyung started drilling into you immediately after. He changed his angle slightly by lifting your leg over his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper. 

“Are you close, babygirl?” he asked, nearly out of breath.

“Yes Tae, oh my fuck,” you whimpered.

“Cum with me baby, yeah?” Taehyung didn’t have to ask twice. 

You felt your orgasm take control as you cried out. Taehyung pulled out and came all over your chest. Afterwards, he collapsed beside you.

“You think I’m beautiful?” you asked, looking over at Taehyung.

“Of course I do. Other than the puddle by the Microtone, you were the first thing I noticed when I walked into that lab. Not to be that guy, but I think you’re even more beautiful with my cum all over your titties,” Taehyung giggled and kissed your cheek, “Lemme go get something to clean you up.”

In his absence, you found yourself immediately missing his warmth. You were never one for casual sex, but something was different about Taehyung. You now knew that he liked you, but did he like you enough to date you? Or did he only see you as a fling? All of these questions started to race in your mind when he came back. 

He pulled you into his chest after he cleaned you up. Even after all that, he still smelled amazing. Your naked bodies were intertwined as you cuddled into him. Gazing into his eyes, you leaned in to give him another tender kiss. This kiss wasn’t driven by lust like the others prior; instead, this one was filled with pure affection. 

“I hope this doesn’t make things in the lab awkward,” Taehyung chuckled.

“What? That the undergrads slept together? I’m sure that’s not the first time that’s happened,” you rolled your eyes.

“That, but also that the mentee has a huge crush on the mentor.”

“Oh no. What are you gonna do about it?”

“I think I’m gonna ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. ___, I’m so sorry for being a jerk before. It was my insecurities getting to me. It won’t happen again. Will you be my girlfriend?” Taehyung pressed his forehead against yours. 

“How can I say no to you? Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend,” you leaned in to kiss Taehyung again.

He squeezed you tighter, and the two of you drifted off to sleep. Maybe being a mentor wasn’t too bad after all. 

Published June 18, 2021. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2021 Baepsaesbae.

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