#or frankly even a good person

[astriiformes]

Talked about this with the counselor I've been seeing at school earlier today but my intense, desperate need to leave a mark on the world (not even in a fame way, in like a "I need to leave this place better than I found it in a big, tangible way" one) and the fact that I only value myself when I feel like I'm adding good to it paired with the fact that I've been an insane perfectionist since I was a very young child and tear myself to shreds and lose all my confidence over tiny mistakes is literally going to kill me some day

#had been thinking about applying for a leadership position in our university ostem chapter for a while now #but psyched myself out of it last night before applications closed #because with everything that's gone wrong in the student group i was involved in this year i no longer trust myself to be a good leader #or frankly even a good person #i also had a slightly soul-crushing talk with a professor yesterday about my grade in her class #because even though she clearly thinks i'm brilliant (and basically said as much) i missed like two weeks of class #specifically because something happened with another student who i know i managed to make upset #(on accident. but it seems like she found my apology wanting) #and i feel so awful about it that i decided the only way to handle this was to avoid her so i didn't make her uncomfortable #so now my grade is suffering in a class i could've gotten an 'A' in #and it's just like. what am i even doing #i care so much about making the world a better place but i feel like such a bad person and trying makes it worse #and i know i'm under no obligation to put myself through this kind of stress but i don't know how to value myself if i don't #lately i feel like i'm beating myself up for being too fragile and unstable to even make a good martyr #and i know it's not healthy but if i try to step back i just get sad #like how now i feel awful about not sending in that application. and at least half dozen other similar things #i just want to make a real impact but it feels like the only thing i'm good for is making things worse #i'm not even fun to be around most days. i'm just.... sad

[ale-arro]

been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week

#replace this with any other type of significant relationship too #also! this book actually rules btw i really recommend it #i didnt read it when it first cane out bc i was like. well i am already pretty familiar with asexuality and not rly interested in 101 stuff #but it turns out it doesnt feel 101-y at all its a super awesome piece of queer theory and also chen has Good opinions #and not weird watered down ones that i am sometimes wary of in aspec communities (frankly especially ace ones) #i think maybe if more people approached asexuality the way chen does (including and maybe even especially ace people) #i would be more inclined to still ID as ace #but anyways! #aro #aromantic #<- tag selections that reflect how i personally engage with this quote #also #described in alt text #also also #j tag #:/ #aro media

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[yellowocaballero]

Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.

Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?

Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3

TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.

I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)

Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:

"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.

"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.

"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.

"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.

I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.

'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.

People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.

#my asks #thanks for enabling me lizzy if i didn't get this out i would have just vagued for the rest of time #even just beyond all of this on a more subtle lvl. HC people with SMI cowards. just do it. its good for you. #the two times me/a close friend have proposed on a fandom server "hey I read X as having a SUD/being on the schizophrenic spectrum' #there was actual fascinating pushback and rejection #people got MAD. #'blorbo wouldn't be an alcoholic he's not a bad person :(' fuck off #i dont use the word often but its ableism and you can be mentally ill and still ableist #if you dont feel educated enough on something to write it then do research #and while research wont give you everything it's a start #if you feel like you can only write people just like you then frankly? skill issue #i mentioned that the last fic was a bit of a spite fic - well #it was scientifically fascinating how the majority of a fandom wrote/acknowledged a character as depressed and anxious #but actively got incredibly defensive when someone suggested that the psychotic character may have had a psychotic disorder #it was so blatant. very annoying. anyway.

[yellowsubiesdance]

i think i’ve learned a lot when it comes to not applying my own values to the media i consume

for my script analysis class yesterday, we discussed two gentleman from verona, and nearly every classmate of mine was up in arms about how sexist the story is.

and i'm not saying it's not, or that it's not infuriating to read. but i'm also not putting my energy into getting upset about something written 500 or so years ago. and i'm not about to put my own beliefs onto these characters that are not me. i'm going to let their choices speak for themselves, and interpret it in the context of the story.

all that said, this now brings me to the point of alastor in episode 5, and how viscerally people are responding to it. those of you up in arms about the choices he’s making, and the violent threat he gave husk, you’re missing the entire point of his character, of this place they’re in, of the story being told. he’s an overlord, and he became an overlord by killing much bigger overlords and broadcasting their deaths over the radio.

HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON.

if you started this show with the belief that every character working the hotel is a good person, you’re in the wrong place. watch the good place if you’re looking for a good wholesome story about getting dead sinners into heaven, because that’s not what this show is about.

you’re more than welcome to hate him after seeing the way he exerted power over a being whose soul he owns, but you’re doing the media you’re watching a disservice by writing it off so quickly. if you don’t like to be uncomfortable watching media, watch something else. this is an uncomfortable show, it handles uncomfortable topics, and it’s going to be an uncomfortable ride, and if you’re not up for something like that, then you should take a break from it and pick up something else. you don’t have to get online and defend your own ideals while you watch a show that goes against your ideals.

#hazbin hotel spoilers #that’s not even touching on the fact that husk was an overlord too #he also owned souls that he used as currency to supply his gambling addiction #he’s also not a good person!! #the majority of these characters are in hell for a reason: they’re not good people #i quite frankly love the way this show blurs the lines between good and evil #our heroes are sinners and overlords and demons. while the enemies are angels. but that doesn’t mean our heroes are good people. #you HAAAVE to come to terms with that!! you have to stop seeing the world in black and white or you’re not going to survive this world #if you’re upset because alastor was cruel to husk fine! be upset! but explore why you’re taking yourself out of that world. #in this world sinners own other people. there’s no ifs ands or buts #‘oh alastor is a poc why would he own people’ he was a serial killer when he was alive do you really think you can apply your values to that #(and this is me speaking as a poc. specifically a mixed race poc.) #i cannot speak to who vivzie is as a person. but i’m interested in the message she’s writing and thus far i’m finding it compelling #it’s a similar story as the good place but it’s going the distance to explore even worse people than those in the good place #i don’t think it’s responsible to write something off just because unsavory things happen in it. #and she’s giving us so many different types of representation that don’t involve race (although we’re also getting a lot of hispanic rep) #just like cool your jets and maybe process some of the anger you’re feeling. and maybe nothing will change. #but if you act. instead of react. if you understand why you’re feeling some type of way and then make a choice. #that’s so much stronger and more responsible than reacting and not thinking anything through #hazbin hotel #alastor #husk #hazbin alastor #hazbin husk #anyway let me get off my soapbox #long post

[godblooded]

just an fyi, and it feels like it needs to be said here: your blog is your own space and you should be able to say whatever the fuck you want. if you’re sad? vent. get sad. maybe put it under a cut, definitely tag it, but get sad. if you feel like you need someone to talk to? drop a freaking message about how you’re feeling like you could use a buddy, or anything randomly engaging. if you’re having a hard time, you should feel safe and okay to talk about it in your own space. we’re writers and we’re people and while there’s a lot to be said for how engagement outside of oneself is necessary in rp (and really really needs to improve), i think there’s a lot that must be said about people reaching out to others. it’s become so solitary here — the whole ‘reblog from source’ thing when it comes to shit like about and musings is absurd. the whole refusing to like things is ridiculous. yes, curate your space, that’s important, but curating your space into a studio apartment only you live in doesn’t make this a community anymore, it makes it a studio apartment you live in.

just be yourself here. do whatever you want. but i’m always saying: remember you’re not alone, and don’t let yourself feel that way.

#ooc. o kaptain. #[this is illogically worded and after an argument I’m already upset but I just felt like this has to be put here. it’s been sitting on my #brain for so long and it’s something i just wanted to discuss. the way the rpc has become not even an echo chamber just… a shitty ny #apartment only one person lives in that can fit your fridge and your bedroom in the same room. the way literal fandoms have divided each #other through nothing but massive senses of entitlement and so much gatekeepy fucking language. it’s exhausting to watch this happen #literally all because i have no idea where interaction went and yes I’ve been virtually inactive for months now but. it absolutely isn’t for #lack of trying to come back. it’s hugely due to a lack of interaction whenever I reach out and then the feeling like I’m being either #entertained or dismissed. this is a social space and we’re people and everybody just needs to recognize that. like. last week my introverted #broski started discussing how as he’s older he feels loneliness more tangibly but he hates people and i looked right at him and said …yeah #dude. that’s natural. we’re humans. we need each other to live. we need spaces we create and communities we make. but like. there need to be #interactive people in those spaces. we’re social creatures. i love you guys and this is a ramble but… it’s been on my mind awhile. and #frankly? feels kinda good to finally speak my mind.]

[spacedustmantis]

tallulah and qcharlie are very special to me btw

#just #you have this grieving father #who frankly is not a good person #and you have a young child that was adopted and then immediately left behind for an indeterminate amount of time #and both are so so lonely #and both miss someone so badly that it defines their whole life #and they both see that person in each other #but the roles are reversed #it's the young girl who shows the grown man that he can be loved #and that life can be good even when you are missing someone #you know #like #outhhghg #sorry #qsmp #slimecicle #tallulah #buggy thoughts #silver screen

[altschmerzes]

it's just that sometimes you're so... impossibly happy and full of so much incredible joy that you gotta post about it on the internet otherwise you may get on the roof with a bullhorn yknow.

#gav gab #FEELING VERY GOOD ABOUT MANY THINGS RN....... #I LOVE MY WIFE. MY WIFE LOVES ME. WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT BELONGS TO US. #other option is like... dropping the lonely island 'i just had sex' song into my friends' dms lsdkjfs #and they don't need me to be doing that LMAOOOO #it's not just the sex itself that's not even really the point #(though it's. very very good. and i have now learned some ALARMING stats about straight women in relationships) #(ladies if your husband/bf/partner won't take direction that is a failure on his part frankly) #it's like... idk #intimacy. trust. fun. security. safety. etc. all these things i already had with this wonderful person in my life #and being able to decide together what we want to do and what we want it to mean #building something that's just ours. a life a home a relationship etc. #for all that there's no like. blueprint for marrying someone In A Friend Way #and that can be anxiety inducing #(i felt like my heart was gonna pound out of my chest the first time i brought up maybe kissing my fiancee lskdjfs) #it also means we get to make all the rules #we get to make all of our decisions together in whatever way we want to make them and it means what we want it to #and i think that's one of the really wonderful things about like. qprs and committed platonic relationships etc #and it's something romantic relationships could benefit from too tbh #sex ment in tags

[xxlovelynovaxx]

The point of vote blue no matter who at this point isn't even about getting our needs met, especially as minorities

It's about picking the less autocratic fascist option, the party that would rather neglect us to death rather than outright kill us, so that we're still ALIVE come next election cycle and can continue building community resources independent of our passively genocidal state!

Like, yeah I'm a profoundly disabled trans crip. My vote doesn't "not matter" because politicians will never, EVER give a shit about me. That much is true. It matters because I remember how suicidal I was when Trump wanted to pass legislation that would have made even people like me ineligible for SSI, and how the Biden administration just. Hasn't bothered with SSI. It matters when Republicans are openly trying to force queer people into hiding by way of military dictatorship, and democrats sometimes use lip service in favor of some of us for their platform.

Like. I get it. It's not much of a lesser evil to be left to die than to be murdered. But goddammit, when you ARE building community and organizing and doing the other things to survive as best you can...

Idk. I'd rather that than actively looking death in the eyes. I do in fact think that the preservation of life, no matter how thin the pretense which causes it, still fucking matters

#the epitome of leftist community btw #the person I'm vagueing tbh is one of the people I most admire in so many ways and on so many topics #but the outright doomerism on this. when EVERY POST is like 'its not about change its about buying time and not dying' #when they're usually so good about 'we can't wait for glorious revolution we gotta help people NOW' #but with voting we gotta wait until there's someone worth voting for rather than choosing the one that won't KILL us?? #like I don't hate this person and quite frankly I fucking empathize because I've been a screaming rat in a cage about these things for YEARS #but it just. annoys me. at the end of the day it's just super fucken annoying #and that's okay. I'm still gonna support them in every possible way bc no I don't think they're doing any real harm I'm just. pissed off #and that's my own business #(hence vagueing rather than replying since they don't even follow me lol)

[ryanxross]

Sorry but i do not think quiet on set is a good documentary like. At all

#even ignoring everything involving d**** b***. its just like what are you actually trying to say #it didn’t really uncover or expose anything. it was lazy and hastily thrown together and they tried too hard to force a very specific #narrative that quite frankly they didnt have enough facts to back up #like if instead of trying to pin everything on d** sc****** and make him out to be this ultimate unique evil #they actually like. tried to investigate the root of the problem then maybe they could have created something good #because one guy is not the root of all problems. he wasnt even the biggest problem #just crazy that that YOUTUBER made a more poignant video about everything covered in the doc #but whatever. #personal

[itwoodbeprefect]

sometimes a piece of queer media is very obviously cheap and also bad and outdated in ways that aren't even particularly interesting, but it's just so obviously from The Before Times that it's painfully difficult not to be charmed by it anyway

#now if i admit right here in the tags that in this particular instance i'm talking about something from 2017... on a scale from 1-10 #how dramatic does Before Times sound? because personally i think that in terms of queer media #seven years is like. at least one whole age. it's an eternity. tectonic plates have shifted #but also maybe together with me (the media in question) just reminds me a ridiculous amount of a 2008-ish german soap #it definitely somehow feels. older than it is. which is not good. but i repeat: it's charming to me!! #it's many flaws in a trenchcoat and i would never recommend this to anyone but i think i love it. very irrationally so. #(though i AM largely skipping over both the age gap AND the teacher/student romance subplots. yes those are two separate relationships) #(which. frankly. is a method of watching a thing that just reminds me even MORE of the german soap. so there's that) #*

[uncanny-tranny]

I think as we grow up, we have to be really conscious of romanticizing the world we grew up in in order to scorn how the next generations are growing up.

Nostalgia isn't inherently bad, but especially in political spaces, be very wary of this idea that there is an Ideal Past we must Harken Back To.

It sucks to feel left behind, but such is the human condition. It isn't bad to feel nostalgic, but that doesn't mean that these new generations are inherently "lost" and "need to be saved (by you)", and I think that is very important to remember and try to be conscious of.

#politics #'the world you grew up in no longer exists' frankly... GOOD! #the world i personally grew up in was scary and lonely and traumatizing. no kid today should STILL be growing up like that #the whole 'nostalgia as a poltical means' is rooted in this idea that... #1) we all grew up in a hegemony 2) we all turned out the same 3) the way we grew up had more privileges afforded to us #and i personally like nostalgia! i like watching videocamera videos from 2005 and looking up super specific shit #but nostalgia does not a good world make #INSERT UMBERTO ECO'S FOURTEEN POINTS ON FASCISM #(though i don't always think nostalgia can lead to this in a political sense there is a fine line) #be very mindful of what motivates nostalgiaposting #is it because people miss childhood and how 'simple' it felt? or is there a different reason that motivates this type of posting? #are you romanticizing childhood to the point you are not remembering your childhood /at all/ but the *idea* of it? #and honestly it is SO jarring when my peers are nostalgic because it's like... we aren't even that old!! #it comes across like... the world is hard and it's getting harder and so we cannot chnage and must wistfully think of the past... #...and to me it comes across as almost... doomerist in how end-stage feelings of nostalgia and hopelessness seen #i feel compassion for the impulse to feel like your old life is over and you need to grieve it... #...but certainly that isn't the younger generations fault? especially because WE are now the ones rasing them and we still yet live #(even at our completely decrepit age of not even close to a mid-life crisis (sarcasm and lighthearted))

[drinkingbitterboy]

note to self: post more alex closet cosplays when i need a pick me up/ego boost.

thank you to everyone for being so nice to me 🥹

#this wasn't even the planned photoshoot for later! #anyway some things i wanted to say #1) i'm not single sorry folks #also fun fact like right when i got back on tumblr after a break for my wedding was when we had the surprise miles 505 in london #2) i cannot take credit for anything about matching al's body language bc i really do just stand like that ksdjflsk #3) for real my posture is Not Good and there are frankly some hilarious candids of me that are just the exact same mannerisms #4) i personally think it helps with the resemblence with that i'm short and have a very uh androgynous body shape? similar proportions #which was not on purpose i assure you #there's a really funny couple pics i sent to blacktrickle the other day just like IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE FROM THE BACK? bc it was Him #5) gonna do like a bunch of eycte outfits in one post one day

[carmineline]

me: *does not stop complaining about the aos movies*

also me:

#LISTEN #it’s legit like some of my favorite casting choices ever #i cant help it #i can and will eat up any version that gives my man’s sulu a bigger role okay #even tho I do bitch about the unecessary Spock uhura romance the entire time #HES GAY #and so is she #and she’s too good for him anyways sorry not sorry #also the personality changes kinda make my eye twitch it’s by far the least of the crimes #spirk #like frankly it’s ridiculous how obvious the attempt was to squash all shipping stuff #with that weird romance #especially because it would have made more sense for Kirk and uhura given the ending of the original show #but they chose Spock deliberately #and yet the chemistry between pine and quinto was still too strong lmaooooo #Spock and Jim are just like that #you cant change the homoeroticism without completely ruining their dynamic #but boy they sure tried it! #star trek aos

[just-aro]

y'all have no idea how much effort goes into trying to interpret and respond to some of the questions we get about aromanticism lol.

like kee does so much tonal phrasing to be nice about this, but. please. "what is aromantic?" i am not google. "i don't know if i feel romantic attraction." cool, i'm not gonna be able to tell you what it feels like either. "hi, what if I am a person and not one of the major aro stereotypes?" then you are a person who is aro and doesn't fit that stereotype.

and like, whatever, we deal with those fine. but the worst. the absolute worst. is the ones where the ask is more or less requesting me to speak for aromantic people as a whole, or - worse and more commonly - a specific subset of aro people who i may not identify with, and almost always insist they aren't trying to be bad, but have such a questionable mindset behind it that i feel like i need to start with "how to identify that you haven't unlearned shit, you just realized you have an identity and stuck your tongue out at the people who taught you that shit"

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #i am trying. so hard. to answer things nicely #but also i am not google i am not representing every aro person and sometimes... you should research something #sometimes. if you listen to the group you have questions about and research questions via searches or asking for simple resources. #you will find out information without our system struggling with feeling obligated to respond nicely because we know the avg user is young #and we want to model that asking questions is good and that you can kindly say 'i'm not part of this group but here's what they've said' #and things like that #but. sometimes i get asks that make me want to delete aro-culture-is or archive it and just never open it again #and they're not even the bigots or anything #it's just that we're plural but one disabled body #and it's fucking exhausting. #but also we don't really want to go through the process of vetting new mods or anything like that #it sounds exhausting and frankly we've had enough experiences while running that blog to know #that people will find a way to be terrible and demanding #oh this is alexander btw #if you see salty takes it's probs me. protective fuckery is phoenix or axel tho #just... like bro please. please consider that i'm not hear to guide you through the baby steps of realizing you aren't actually #the anti-fascist rebel you think you are ur just queer and online. i am here because i wanted a space for aro people to be silly. #and everyone looked at my silly 'haha this is meant to be claiming silly things like games as ours' page #and was like 'oh! time to seriously discuss every experience of aromanticism i have :)' #but especially the ones against the rules :)

[aeide-thea]

still thinking abt the tumblrinx i encountered a while back whose pinned post said they were transmasc… and also demanded that men dni

like—i’m not confused by the convoluted not-like-the-other-boys doublethink that gets you there, i can follow the chain of illogic just fine, but i sure am deeply wearily depressed by it!

#i know plenty of good men—good cis men even! gasp! #and i just think like. if we can’t move away from‚ like‚ cold gender war how the fuck do we move forward #fundamentally like. 100% block people who have behaved towards you in ways you didn't like. #but like. this whole thing where ~afabs~ preemptively self-victimize by conjuring up the creepiest cishet man they can imagine #and self-harm by worrying abt that imaginary guy jacking off to them #is just like. i understand how it happens but it’s like. you’re actively doing negative visualization #and‚ like‚ preemptively self-victimizing #ime it feels a lot better to move through the world unworried‚ in the knowledge that if someone says sth gross to you: you can block them! #anyway ultimately i’m pretty clearly making this post bc i'm overdue to unfollow the tirfiest blogger i’m currently following #like. yeah loads of cishet men are shitheads but ~misandry~ is so last decade #and frankly i don’t have a lot more time for the cishet women who have bought into the same system—like i have some sympathy but. #these people all get warped by the system into complementary fucked-up cogs whose teeth bite into one another #and i’m just not interested in biting back—i want to leave all the biting behind in the dust of the junkyard that birthed it #and like. i don’t want to dismiss the oppression that births this sort of rhetoric. it's super real and it's toxic and it fucks people up. #but it’s like. when people have bad dads and then are like Dads R Always Bad!!! #and i’m just over here like. i don’t know how to say this without sounding like i’m invalidating you but my dad was a fucking saint tbh #not perfect dgmw but like. a sweet gentle encouraging man who got ground down by my mother’s toxic heel along with the rest of us #so like. actually not only are you closing yr eyes to a better future‚ yr closing yr eyes to other ppl’s lived realities #like i personally managed to have a totally life-ruining mother without deciding Mothers Are Ontologically Evil Actually! #idk. obviously women remain *enormously* systemically oppressed! but surely we can acknowledge and decry that without #implicitly rhetorically closing off any possibility of a gentler queerer gender dynamic? #anyway none of this is revolutionary i’m just like. i KNOW the fascists want to cut off my toes and force me into the glass slipper #of viciously constrained femininity #that in turn makes itself feel better by sneering at men‚ critiquing other women who Do It Wrong‚ and exerting control over children #so i have strong personal cause to care about misogyny even if i didn’t care about it in the abstract #but i just think like. acting like traditional gender roles and dynamics are a fixed truth we can only bruise ourselves on #instead of a human construction that we can undermine and work to topple #is not actually the path to a healed world in the long run! #anyway. beta edition post (thumbtyped & not reread): may contain bugs.