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georgiapeach30513 · 4 months

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The One to Sacrifice, Part 3

Summary: being here is getting to you.

Pairings: Raleigh Becket X Reader, Johnny Storm X Reader

Rating: mild

Warnings: language, mentions of cheating, mentions of secrets, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.3K

Series Masterlist

*Dividers created by @firefly-graphics

The moment your father had told you the pond had been scraped you were ready to get back on the ice, but you had responsibilities now, and they involved making sure your niece was taken care of. Everyone else’s lives got to go on living like they always did, but yours changed the moment that Mike had passed away. You became her sole caretaker. Her confidant. Her shoulder to cry on. Her everything.

“So I get to play hockey here?” She looks up at you sleepily. So far Tanzy had enjoyed being here. You had your doubts. Hopefully it would make taking care of yourself easier. As far as your personal life went, it was much more difficult. Small towns had the tendency to do that.

“Yes, darling, now go to sleep,” you whisper, giving a kiss to her forehead.

“Did my dad love hockey?”

“Your dad and uncle Frank loved hockey. Him, Frank, Johnny, and…”

“That man that brought us home?” She peeks up through her lashes at you with the most mischievous grin, and you just nod. “Did you ever kiss him?”

“Go to sleep,” your voice is a bit more animated, but it doesn’t raise. Playfully covering her eyes she starts giggling uncontrollably. “Tanzy!”

“What? He’s cute. You should kiss him,” you roll your eyes, and settle back on her bed. You need to go out on the ice, so whatever it took for her to settle down, you’d do. “He’s nice, too. He drove us home.”

“Uh huh,” you give a fake yawn that you know she doesn't believe, but you can’t help it. It was late, and you were emotionally exhausted, and only one thing helped. You can already feel the tingle of the chill on your cheeks.

“Did you love him?” Tanzy breaks your daydreaming of just moving on the ice. Giving you the softest and knowing smile as she looks up at you.

“Young love,” you agree. You loved Raleigh in your way, although you never loved him the way he loved you. You didn’t even understand what love was. And then some stupid boy with blue eyes that had the most beautiful bit green in them stole your heart, and you didn’t have the balls to break up with Raleigh.

“You should try again,” she lets out a little yawn, flipping over onto her side. “I don’t want you to be alone like daddy was,” she yawns again, waving her hand at you, “I’m good, go skate.”

This child. She knew that you needed to skate, “Love you, Tanz.”

“Love you, too,” she could very much be faking her sleepiness. She’s done it before. But she wasn’t a baby anymore. She was growing.

With a sigh, you run into the mud room, and grab your things. Putting your skates on sitting on the bench by the pond. Remembering a simpler time and skating with your brothers. Inhaling the frosty air with a smile. Skating on the pond brought back so many memories. A less complicated life. Joy. Laughter. Love.

Making a few rounds on the ice, you try to not think, just exist. Focus on your feet and legs as you launch into the air. Not think about everything that happened. Too much had happened. And even more was bubbling up to the surface, and there was more you hoped never would.

Spinning around, you let the world melt away. Let everything blur out in front of you, but then you feel Johnny’s hands on your body. Blurring into puppy love with Raleigh. Someone you didn’t have to hide. Mike would have killed you. He threatened to kill Johnny when he found out.

You come to a stop in the middle of the ice. Your chest heaving with frustration more than exertion. You really knew how to fuck up things. It’s why you prefer to push people away. Coming back home was smothering you. The only one you couldn’t run away from was Tanzy; because she needs you. Who else would take care of her?

On the one hand was this toxic love based on passion and your bodies. A fire that burned too brightly, leaving you with nothing left but ashes. On the other hand was someone you could make a life with. A life here in a small town in Maine. Things weren’t complicated with Raleigh until…Johnny.

You aren’t even sure you loved Johnny, you just wanted him. Wanted everything he had to offer, and he had big dreams and stars in his eyes that were the same as yours. But he made it. He didn’t sacrifice anything. Kept living his life, and pretending like Tanzy didn’t exist. Mike had counted on him, and he failed. Again.

You take off quickly just wanting to get in the air, and get your mind off — them. You didn’t want either of them quite frankly, and yet they were still both here. What were the odds that Johnny was being forced to be a coach to a girls’ hockey team? And you sigh as your body spins around because there’s a part of you that is lying. You did want something. Honesty, possibly.

You have to think of anything but them. Think about what would have happened if you decided to have a partner. The only one you had ever skated with was Raleigh. You’d giggle as he’d lift you up in the air, and twirl you around. You should have kept things simple, despite his push to turn romantic. No, it was his ability to make you laugh and feel comfortable. Raleigh should have had all your firsts.

You try to imagine a life where things didn’t get fucked up. Where Raleigh came with you to Minnesota. Mike could have still been alive. Tanzy would have had her father, and you would have had your big brother.

You imagine him as your partner. Practically could feel his hands back in yours as you skate around the pond. Life could have been different. Maybe you wouldn’t be thinking about these constant what if’s in your head.

“You…”

“Ahh,” you fall down on the ice, and glare up at Raleigh who stops so abruptly he falls over as well. “What are you doing?”

He sits up, placing both arms on his knees as he gives you that quintessential Raleigh Becket smile, “I came to apologize,” he tilts his head to the side as he looks at you. “I spent all this time feeling like I didn’t get any closure, and…dammit, Pix, I should have been there for you.”

”What?” Your head turns to look at him quickly. Confusion doesn’t even explain what you’re feeling. Or the secrets you were hiding. How did they fit in with Raleigh?

“When Mike died. I shouldn’t have offered my help, I should have just been there. You quit your dream to raise a child that wasn’t your own.”

“It was the right thing to do.”

“Would you stop,” you look at him confused. What exactly did he mean with that? “You don’t have to be a martyr. You don’t have to do this all alone. You shouldn’t have done it alone. Tanzy…you’ve done a good job on her. You should have had a support system.”

A silence looms between the two of you. Never even getting off the ice. You look up at the stars, and whisper out a thanks to him. Starting to lean into his body a bit before your head lays over on his shoulder. The best thing about Raleigh is the comfort.

“You don’t have to do it alone anymore.”

“Is that an invitation?” He can feel the smile that creeps up on your mouth, and you feel the chuckle building up in his chest that he doesn’t want to release. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Is this a Storm thing?” You groan, starting to lift off his shoulder, but he pulls you back down. “Did he mean anything to you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Did I?”

You’re unsure how to answer. Because he did mean a lot to you. Johnny is complicated for various reasons. And you have told yourself he meant nothing to you for a long time, but you fear it is to protect yourself the most. Because at the end of the day, you felt like a conquest to Johnny. An easy lay. A virgin.

Raleigh whispers your name, lifting you up to look at him, “Did I mean anything to you?”

“Yes,” you answer with the utmost sincerity. He smiles with glassy eyes, and you hate yourself for the pain you caused him. Not just the lack of closure but the fact he found out about his girlfriend cheating on him. “I loved you. You were my best friend.”

“Why did you do it?” You shrug your shoulders, removing your gaze from his heavy stare. It is too intense, and you can’t fully handle the way he is looking at you. Clinging to any hope you can offer him. “Don’t look away.”

“I don’t know. I told you…it was…”

“You,” he takes a deep breath, trying to choose his words carefully. It was years ago, and the pain is still there. Wedged deep inside of him because he didn’t doubt the way he felt. He was completely in love with you then, and nothing had changed. “Because of a school girl crush. He was your first.”

“He was my only,” that didn’t offer much comfort, but you see his face relax a bit. His hands cup your cheeks, leaning his forehead into yours. “Raleigh, I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” you didn’t deserve him, his forgiveness, or any of his kindness. But you melt into it. It was the first time in so long you have felt comforted. No one ever bothered to check on you, and even if they did, Raleigh just knew. The the need to run away from everything seems to have stopped. You didn’t want to run anymore. You are tired. “Can we start over?”

“I don’t know what that means, Raleigh,” his eyes flick down to your lips, and you know without him saying anything. “Clarify.”

“Start from the beginning. Forget anything happened.”

“You’re suggesting we’re more than friends?”

“I’m suggesting I want you in my life. I’ve missed you, and my feelings haven’t changed,” if you made friends with girls, maybe they would have told you that he was a man that had never moved on, and that should be a red flag. But you didn’t move on either. You had no desire to make a choice. And at the time there was only one choice you could make. So you ran. You pushed everything into your career, and didn’t let any of those emotions bubble up to the surface. No one knew, and you repressed everything. You didn’t want them to know. You didn’t want to know.

“At your pace.”

“Remind me?” Your mouth tips up in a smile, hoping he didn’t forget what it meant. With a smile that matches your own, his eyes flutter close, and he presses his lips against yours. No one moves, and the kiss is warm and lingering. You still aren’t sure if you ever loved him the way he loved you. Or the way he deserved, but you hope you find it.

You settle into his arms, snuggling closer, and feeling at least comfort. It wasn’t much, and it wasn’t love, but it was…something.

“Tanzy, why are you still awake?” Tanzy looks back at her uncle, shushing him before her eyes go back to the ice. “Oh…they didn’t waste time,” he rolls his eyes as he sits down beside his niece. Giving you and his best friend an eye roll. The two of you embrace in a hug before you stand up, and start skating around the ice.

Laughter fills the winter air with a lightness that he hasn’t seen in his friend in a long time. The two of you fall in sync, partnering up, and going with the flow. He sighs as Tanzy flips around in her bed. “They kissed.”

“It wasn’t their first time.”

“But it was like a real kiss,” Frank chuckles, reaching over to pull the covers over both him and Tanzy. “She never kissed anyone back home. I never saw a boy.”

“Don’t make sense out of your aunt.”

“She deserves to have fun. She’s a good aunt. She worked a lot. I never saw her on the ice. And now we’re here, and she’s laughing, and — they were in love, huh?” Frank shrugs his shoulders, retching while Tanzy watches her uncle curiously. “What?”

“Thinking about Raleigh and my sister is weird. He’s a good guy, but it’s…gross. But I know he’s never looked at a woman like he does Pixie.”

“Be happy for her. She didn’t smile a lot. She’s always thinking.”

“About what?” Tanzy yawns, and starts to snuggle into his body, just like she used to with her dad. She didn’t ever want to forget him. But most of what she remembered was through someone else’s memory. “Your dad?”

“No. She has secrets, Frank. Secrets that make her sad.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I’m just a kid. Her and dad whispered a lot. She cried a lot, and then she had to take care of me,” she yawns again, and her words get softer. Quieter. “Let her be happy.”

“Go to sleep, and I’ll try,” he gives another quick glance outside, but looks away quickly. You weren’t so much skating as holding onto each other. That weird thing the two of you did when you just touched foreheads together and looked at one another.

Secrets. You had secrets that made you sad. You did leave, and not tell Raleigh goodbye. Wouldn’t return his calls. You didn’t like the idea of “Johnny,” Frank groans. Johnny did something. He always did.

“You and the mechanic,” Tanzy starts to tease you, but you turn around to look at her shaking your head. She was supposed to be getting her gear ready for hockey practice. “Uh huh, I saw you.”

“Skating together is nothing to get too excited about,” after a bit of sleep, you realize that even just a slight peck of a kiss was a horrible idea. Raleigh clearly is still in the zone of everything is perfect, and he can be perfect just for you. It isn’t that you doubt that. But you have only just arrived and there are still so many things swirling in your head, and you are drowning in thoughts. You need to skate, and every time you did there was a man.

“Yeah, but you didn’t just skate. I saw you,” she gives you the sweet mischievous grin that makes you think of Mike, and you can’t even be mad at her. She had this attitude just like Mike and Johnny, always into something, and always ready for a good time.

“I remember now why I hated your dad’s room right there.”

“Why because he watched you kiss that man, too?” Wrapping a hand around her stomach she lets a wave of giggles rush over her. Head leaning back, and you try — try not to laugh with her, but you can’t. She already seems happier here than she did. Being around family is good for her, and a bit suffocating for you.

“Raleigh did watch me skate a lot.”

“Did Johnny?”

“Now what kind of question is that?” Tanzy shrugs her shoulders as she lifts up a duffle bag. “Why would you ask about Johnny?”

“Why are you getting so defensive about Johnny? It was first the mechanic, and now him. Did you kiss Johnny, too? Like the Johnny Storm, did you kiss him?” You stepped right into that. You couldn’t blame her for being curious, but your relationship with Johnny was for nobody’s ears. You buried that and the memories a long time ago.

“Go on, get into the car. Gimma is waiting for us,” you car still hasn't been fixed. You didn’t doubt that Raleigh could, but he of course had other cars ahead of you. With a deep sigh, you watch Tanzy jump into the car with your mom, and you look around the kitchen. Nothing had changed. It brought you a bit of comfort, and still there was that tad of unease that always lingered in places where memories of your brother were the strongest.

Nothing is ever easy here because some things just never change, despite how much is always changing. Just take a deep breath, and go.

Trudging out to your mom’s car makes you feel like a child again, especially going to the rink. You fasten your seatbelt, and look in the rear view mirror, and the sly smile on Tanzy’s face lets you know she’s not letting this go.

“You should invite Raleigh for dinner.”

“Tanzy!”

“He was most likely going to come anyway. I have to make sure all my boys are fed. Him and Frank mosey on in. It would be nice for…” Tanzy starts laughing uncontrollably as your mom rattles on.

“It would be nice if you guys wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Raleigh and I…”

“Yes, yes,” your mom looks at you with an exasperated look. It isn’t the first time that she’s had this conversation with you. “You and Raleigh have always skated together. And skating together always leads to him crawling into your bedroom and watching movies until you pass out, and I tell him to please use the front door instead.”

You glance towards her looking ashamed. You had no idea she actually knew about that. “I allowed him to stay because he made my ice princess happy. I could hear you guys laughing, and you almost never stopped talking, so I didn’t think anything was going on. And then when you actually were dating — honey, nothing ever happened?”

“Tanzy is in the car.”

“I know about kissing!”

“What I mean is you shouldn’t have to stay in your head. Raleigh gave you something more to talk about than skating. He opened up your cold heart. I heard you laugh, and weren’t repeating your routine obnoxiously over and over again. Raleigh made you human, and I hate to think that someone who was your best friend,” starting to interrupt, she covers your mouth with her hand, “I know he and Frank are close, but those two didn’t have what you two had.”

“It would be really weird if they did. I’m glad to know that everyone thinks I’m…”

“Icy,” you shoot a playful glance back at Tanzy, but try to laugh. You weren’t the most personable human in the world, and you never had been. But there is a part of what your mom is saying is right. You did feel differently around Raleigh. He was able to bring out the best of you.

“Well there he is,” your mom smiles and gives Johnny a wave as she pulls into the rink. No one was here. “Tell Johnny I said hey, and he should come by for dinner tonight, and…”

“No!” She looks taken aback as you shout at her. “Just — not yet. We don’t even know how he’s going to be with his goddaughter,” you take a deep breath, and hold your head up high as you get out of the car. Giving a wave to your mom as you give Johnny a terse nod. He’s so full of himself, his smile just gets larger.

He gives your mom a friendly wave, and his hand presses on Tanzy’s back, “Why don’t you go ahead and dress out, there’s some things I’d like to discuss with your aunt.”

“Are you wanting to kiss her, too? Aunt Pixie, you’ve got all the boys,” she gives a little giggle as she runs into the rink, and you follow right behind her.

“Let me guess, you were kissing that Neanderthal Raleigh?” You don’t answer, just walk right into the rink, and have a deep need to skate on its smooth surface. “Wow, okay. So, you won’t give me the time of day even though I know what you taste like, but you’ll let that man kiss you in front of Tanzy.”

Spinning around you glare at him, “That got your attention, ice princess. What does Raleigh have that I don’t? I got the bigger bank account.”

“And you got the bigger head.”

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you,” you shove his shoulder. This is what always irritated you about him; his ease at getting under your skin. “You didn’t even give me the time of day, but you let that man kiss you?”

“Why do you care? It’s not like you couldn’t have any girl that you wanted. And you have. Raleigh is…”

“Hung up on you. We both know it. Did you tell him about us? About how I couldn’t keep my hands off you, and you were just as needy for me?”

“I thought you needed to talk to me about something. Where is everyone?” You did not need to go down this road again. You just wanted for Tanzy to practice, and you to eventually go home, and away from him. He is your kryptonite.

“That’s what I thought,” he whispers before he starts walking towards the ice. “Has Tanzy ever played?” You shake your head no, sitting down on a bench, and he joins you. Too close. Just to prove you don’t like the closeness, you scoot away. “Her dad was Mike Weiss, and you didn’t put her in hockey?”

“I was struggling to feed us both, and you wanted me to put her in an expensive sport that I couldn’t afford?”

“You could have told me,” see this is the reason you easily fall for Johnny. There’s something in the way he looks at you, actually concerned. “That’s why you’re back, money?”

“Kids are expensive, even more so when you’re on their own. Her godfather didn’t reach out, so I just made do. And now I’m back in. Back here wallowing in the past, and…”

“You always were so melodramatic. It’s not that serious. You’re here getting help and support. Who fucking cares?” You cared. Your pride cared, and he called you melodramatic. “Keep the drama for the ice. It’s what I do, baby. You don’t have to have all that shit swirling in your head while you try to make sense out of everything. We had fun, right? So you cheated on some chump that was obsessed with you. How come you never had sex with him? Am I the only one? You look better when you keep your issues on the ice, and let me do the thinking for you.”

“That doesn’t fix everything.”

“Does constantly worrying about it?” You still. If there was anything you always admired about Johnny was his ability to not care. “Pix, can I be honest with you?”

“You always are. Even if I don’t want you to.”

“You’re wound too tight. You always have been. That’s why we…well, you wanted me to teach you. I did, and for a few months you relaxed. You skated better than you ever had before, and then you just — poof. I wasn’t heartbroken, but that man you are kissing was. So if you want me to relax you, get rid of him. Or use him to relax you. Either way, get laid,” you stutter a moment, as you hear the locker room door slam shut.

“Unless you want to tell me what really happened. Because believe me when I say this, Pix, something happened. Between you and me, and you’re hiding from it. You don’t have to tell me, but if it’s something that keeps you this stressed, and made my best friend yell and cuss at me, well…that’s your call since Mike can’t explain shit.”

You start to say something. Anything. But Johnny stands up, and gives a nod to Tanzy. “I know I’m an asshole. But while I’m here, I could be your asshole. And I’d like to get to know the squirt. And offer coaching. One on one. Pix, I’m not the evil monster you want me to be. I’m just a prick,” he reaches down to pick up his skates, leaving you wondering what exactly was going on inside your head, and if you made a bigger deal than things. Just like you always did.

Take out the men. And think about just you. You have to take responsibility for your actions. No one can but you. You may be sticking your foot in your mouth, but Johnny deserved to know Tanzy. “You should come by for supper sometime. You and Tanzy can skate on the pond.”

“I haven’t skated on that pond in years. What do you say, squirt, want me to start giving private lessons?”

“What about practice?” She asks, looking around to see everything is still empty. He set you up, but this will make her so happy.

“Practice doesn’t actually start until tomorrow, but we can get some skating in. Pix? Care to join us?” You shake your head no, wanting more than ever to just see Johnny with her. Watching as he actually laughs at things she says, enjoying her. It’s a shame he had all this time without her, and she with him. It just works.

You feel a slight ping in your heart as you watch them, giving your mom a text that there wasn’t actually practice today and she could pick you up.

I knew. Johnny said he could bring you two home.

Of course he did. Of course she knew. It’s fine. It was okay. Get out of your head. That was years ago. Raleigh would have to get used to Johnny being in your life. For Tanzy. And that’s how you wanted to keep it. For Tanzy.

Masterlist

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