#showing the dangers of repressing grief

[inbarfink]

Okay, so when it comes to “What Remains of Edith Finch” I’m generally among those who subscribe to the reading that there is nothing supernatural about the ‘family curse’ - that it is nothing more than an unhealthy coping mechanism that became a self-fulfilling prophecy through a tradition of neglect and recklessness also maybe some slew of undiagnosed hereditary mental illnesses. But one aspect of this interpretation that I’m not really on-board with it is the idea that this makes the ending of the game, like, a totally unambiguously ‘bad’ tragic ending.

Well, either way it’s always a pretty sad ending, y’know. Everyone is dead. I mean in the sense that, like, if the ‘curse’ is nothing but the stories of the Finch family making them think they’re cursed - then Edith writing her little book and passing on these stories to her son is just perpetuating the Curse and probably dooming the poor boy. They would’ve both probably been better off if Edith did let those dangerous stories die with her. Right?

Well, that’s not really how I see it. I don’t really think this is a narrative is about how Edie and her outlook on death is, like, 100% totally wrong and dangerous and Dawn Finch was 100% totally in the right about trying to escape the family stories - as much as it is about Edie and Dawn both being flawed women and neither really handled their grief perfectly. Since Edie’s attitude kinda dominated the family and Edith herself kinda used to side with her great-grandma over her mother, the story focuses more on her realizing that, y’know, Dawn’s perspective might have a point. But just cause Dawn might’ve had a point doesn’t mean she was always right either. I think the point is more that Edith has to understand both her great-grandma’s and her mother’s side so she can strike a healthier balance between both of their attitudes.

Like, the thing is that the ‘Curse’ is mostly just generational trauma (and if there is a real supernatural Curse than it is still a metaphor for generational trauma), and the thing with trauma is that wallowing in it and letting it define you like Edie did is really not healthy - but neither is repressing it and trying to run away from it like Dawn tried to do. Edie might’ve been wrong about many things, but she was right about this:

The ‘Curse’ won’t leave Dawn and Edith just cause they left the House, or just cause they stopped listening to Edie’s stories. Because the Curse and their Trauma are the same, so it will follow them in some form wherever they go. The big thing I keep thinking about is Edith’s comment after Sam’s story.

This isn’t about Sam’s death being especially important for figuring out the ‘mystery’ of the Finch Curse, or it being an especially fascinating or beautiful story or whatever. It’s because it was an especially traumatic event for Dawn, that undoubtedly effected her for the rest of her life. But due to her fear of the effects of Edie’s Stories, she never really opened up about it with her daughter in any way. Seeing the pictures of Dawn and Sam’s last trip together, Edith feels she now has a greater understanding of what made her mother tick - and wishes she could’ve known about it when she was still alive.

And that does go farther down the family tree. Sam was the first Finch to show a real dislike to telling the Stories like Edie like. Although admittedly he wasn’t quite the rebel Dawn was:

And pretty much everything about how he acted around his children, especially the real shitty stuff, was informed by the trauma of Calvin’s death. 

And, like, obviously Edie’s idea of handling trauma did no favors to him, (She made him share a room with his dead twin for eleven years) but I think also his attempts to almost totally avoid and repress his Issues when he became an adult only made things worse and not better.

Now, you might be wondering how this relates to Edith and her son Christopher. Well, the first thing to remember is that Edith didn’t know for sure she was going to die when she started that journey. She wasn’t just planning on leaving that little book to her son in case she dies - she wanted to learn the stories too, and have a better understanding of the stories she knew already. Because these stories inform the trauma she grew around, and she wanted to understand it better before she became a mother. Dawn knew quite a lot about the danger of growing up in a household that wallows in and romanticizes trauma - and did her best to avoid repeating this mistake with Edith. Edith knew quite a lot about the danger of growing up in a household that repressed and runs away from trauma - and she doesn’t want to repeat it with her child as well.

And as for writing it down for Christopher in case she’s not around to share the stories with him. Well, the first thing to note is that I think that even if Christopher never had Edith’s book - he was already bound by the ‘Curse’ from the start. Like, yeah, he doesn’t have the experience of growing up with a traumatized parent raised by another traumatized parent raised by another traumatized parent - but growing up knowing his biomom died at childbirth can be a pretty traumatizing experience on it’s own. We don’t know much of his family situation outside of that, but the fact that there seem to be no one around to escort the Literal Child as he takes a ferry to go lay flowers at his birth mother’s grave doesn’t really bode well.

So I think, first things first, from that angle, Edith’s journal could be importantly therapeutic to him as well. You know, have some sort of connection to his mother and her side of the family that he’s otherwise can’t really have? Like, this book isn’t just some darn list of dead Finches. There’s a lot in here about Edith herself and her own thoughts and her life and family and that’s maybe connection Christopher would want with her? Something that might make him process his grief for her a bit better? Something to make him feel more connected with that side of his family?

Now, let’s also consider the fact the Finch Curse is at least somewhat public knowledge: the Odin Finch newsreel mentions it, Barbara’s death was very well-publicized at the time - and the ‘Tales of Terror’ comic calls it “another ghastly tale inspired by America's most unfortunate family” - implying that they expected their readership to be at least kinda familiar with the idea of the Finches being ‘cursed’. I think that’s pretty likely that, even without the journal, if Christopher dug even a little bit into who his birth mother was he would’ve found at least a mention of a rumor of a ‘Family Curse’ .

Or, hell, seeing how the Finches (and especially Edie) seem to have been local celebrities around Orcas Island - if Christopher lives anywhere near that area, really all it will take is him saying something like “hey, I’m Christopher Finch!” or “my mother’s name was Edith Finch” and then someone would say “oh yeah, like the famous Orcas Island Finches? That cursed family that keeps dying?” and seeing how he has no living relatives on his mother’s side - he would’ve probably believed it, or at least allowed the possibility to wriggle into his heart - and then… well, the Curse will just live on regardless of Edith. 

Note that Christopher is already wearing a cast before he even read the book (and is, again, a child taking a ferry to visit his mother’s grave all alone) - it seems like something of the ol’ Finch recklessness has already made it to him, whatever it’s in his genes somehow or just the rumors of the curse getting to him. But it is not entirely on Edith’s journal.

And like, one of the things I think made the Curse such a problematic mindset is the way it prevented the Finches from ever learning from their mistakes. You know, if every death is a result of a malevolent supernatural force haunting the family - then there’s no need for introspection of how what they could do better in the future. Challenging this mindset was probably one of the best things about Dawn’s mindset. But learning from past mistakes is equally impossible when you convince yourself it’s all the fault of a supernatural curse as it is when you straight-up have no context for what happened before. If nothing else, the stories in this journal can serve as a useful lesson about not clinging to the past, or not letting your grief define you, or how you shouldn’t try and make a perfect 360 degree spin on swingset or how you SHOULDN’T LEAVE A BABY ALONE IN A BATHTUB JESUS CHRIST

Because it’s not like this journal is just, like, a totally uncritical reiteration of Edie Finch’s stories for the next generation or something. I think the game makes it pretty clear that although Edith Sr. and Edith Jr. are meant to mirror each other on some level, their attitudes when it comes to the stories of the family are pretty different. 

Edie was characterized as someone who cared more for what makes for a good story over the truth, as someone prone to inventing or exaggerating tales, as someone who reveled in the romanticism of being Doomed, and memorialized the death of her loved ones more than their life. Like, one of the things that really crosses a line for me about the Edie Finch Method of Grief is just how much the circumstances of the death are prioritized over the life the person had before it. 

It’s not always so blatant cause the Finches tend to die in ways that poetically tie with their personality and hobbies (Molly loved animals and fantasy and she spent her last moments in a hallucination of transforming into various animals, Sam loved hunting and photography and he died taking a picture while hunting, Walter loved trains and ended up being run over by one) but… there’s certain areas where it’s actually kinda unclear if the connection is actually there or if Edie is kinda forcing it for the sake of a good story. 

Like, Barbara was a horror movie child star and her death reads like a cheesy horror story - but that’s because Edie chose a cheesy horror retelling to represent it. Maybe if we knew the real story of how she died, it wouldn’t be quite so on-the-nose. Did Gus actually love flying kites to the point it defines his entire personality or was that just something he did on the day he died? Either way, he’s defined by that one activity forever now. 

And Gregory… like I’m sure he enjoyed bath-time, but the fact he’s memorialized almost exclusively with bath toys and soap is kinda fucked-up. I’m sure he had other toys he loved to play with outside the tub as well, but all of his memorials are focused entirely on the thing that killed him.

Edith’s attitude, as can be seen through the game, is different. Edith can appreciate the beauty of Edie’s stories but also cares quite a bit about truth and accuracy. The difference is most obvious when it comes to their books. Both Ediths wrote a story about coming back to their old childhood home and discovering the family secrets - only Edie’s story, “The History of the Finches”, seems to be complete fiction and based on what she would’ve wanted to be true, while Edith did actually go to her old childhood home and tried to record it as accurately as possible. And while she’s limited in telling the death stories that Edie kept records of, she also notes the points when they seem ridiculous or inaccurate to her. 

She documents the tall-tale about how Sven was killed by a dragon, but also clarifies that he was killed while trying to construct a dragon-shaped sled. Rather than just perpetuating Edie’s joke for the sake of the fantasy. 

Plus, she doesn’t just focus on the Finches’ deaths, she does try and tell Christopher about their lives as well. It’s not always easy, since with the older generations Edith often doesn’t have much to go on outside of Edith’s memorialization, but she does try to get a General Vibe out of them from their room and other mementos they left behind (like Sam’s improvised darkroom in the wall-passegeways) rather than just the death story. And when it comes to the people Edith actually remembered well herself - Lewis, Dawn and Edie - she’s constantly telling little anecdotes and details of their life together. 

In a way, I kinda divide “What Remains of Edith Finch” into three main parts. The first third of the game, with Edie’s kids, is the one that centers on the mystery of whatever the ‘curse’ is real or not - and is also a character study of Edie herself via the lense of the people that she lost. The second part is basically that but for Dawn, it’s about Edith learning to understand her mother’s character via the loss of Sam, Gregory, Gus, Sanjay and Milton. The Lewis segment is a transition between that third and the last third - which is about Edith Finch herself. Even if Edith can paint a full picture of both life and death for all of her dead relatives, she can at least give Christopher a good insight to his mother, grandmother and great-great grandmother. 

And notably, the two people Edith ‘has’ to memorialize herself without Edie’s postmorten involvement, Edie herself and Dawn, get a very different treatment from every other Finch. They don’t get a ‘proper’ Death Story documenting or describing their last moments. The closest thing is Edith’s flashback of the day they moved out of the House, which is more of a Death Flashback for the Finch Family as a concept than to Edie and Dawn as individuals. We do know that Dawn died of some sort of illness, but it’s delivered to us at the end of a longer passage about the life they had together. And we really don’t know anything but how Edie died at the end. 

If Edith doesn’t know how Edie died, she’s shown no interest in trying to figure it out - if she does already know, she doesn’t think her spesific cause of death is important to write down for her son. The important thing is for him to learn what kind of person Edie was in life, and Edith has more than enough understanding of her great-grandma to memorialize her without defining her entirely through some sort of of romanticized tragic death. 

And, like the most important thing to remember is that Edith questions the concept of the Curse in her journal. Like, the game and the journal are one and the same. So, like all of these passages that are important for the ‘there’s no supernatural curse’ interpetation:

Christopher is reading these lines as well. If we are capable of playing “What Remains of Edith Finch” and understanding the ‘Curse’ as being a self-fulfilling prophecy - then Christopher is also capable of reading his mother’s journal and coming to the same conclusion. I mean, it’s not a certain thing. There’s plenty of players who read the Curse as a real supernatural force and that’s also a valid interpetation of the game’s text. And there’s like, actual grown-ass adults who played this game and decided it’s actually about a serial-killer granny. So maybe it’s asking a bit too much from a little grieving eight-years-old to immediately understand this as a story of unhealthy trauma coping mechanisms through the generations. 

But my point isn’t that there is 100% no possibillity of Christopher dooming himself like every other Finch before him, or that Edith made the objectively correct decision in writing this journal and basically saved her son from the ‘Curse’. It’s just that he’s not doomed... it can still go either way. Christopher might have read this and started to believe in the Curse and perpatured the cycle onwards, or he might have come to the same conclusion Edith did - that believing in these stories made them real - and decided to try and do better than those who came before him. Or maybe he came to one conclusion but will later change his mind. As long as he’s alive, there’s is at least the possbility that things will turn out better. 

“What Remains of Edith Finch” ends with the shot of the two things that ‘remained’ of the two Edith Finches of the game. The House is What Remained of Edith ‘Edie’ Finch Sr. A glorious and sad monument of mourning, now forever frozen in time as a memorium for the tragedy of the Finch Family. And Christopher is What Remained of Edith Finch Jr. An actual living human being with his whole life ahead of him, who still has the potential to doom or save himself. 

Good luck.

#what remains of edith finch #edith finch #wroef #christopher finch #edie finch #dawn finch

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Side B Round 1 Match 11

Propaganda:

Mikey -

"This is a headcanon that didn’t originally occur to me, but then I encountered it in the wild, and something in my brain kinda lit up like ‘!!!’. I couldn’t stop turning the idea over in my head, like a slow roasting marshmallow, getting dangerously close to an open flame. So, here we are. First of all, Mikey is the leader of a biker gang. He has an immense interest in motorcycles (including their parts and repairing/building them), something of which he is able to bond with other delinquents over. He is frequently commented on by others as showcasing ‘childish’ behavior, such as whining when he doesn’t get his way, taking naps on his vice-commander, Draken’s, back or getting upset when he receives a kid’s meal with no flag in it. He often relies on Draken in a caretaker sort of role, such as providing the aforementioned flags to avoid meltdowns, tying his hair up just the right way in the mornings, going to his house to wake him up (all these things appear frequent activities/rituals Mikey relies on), and being “his heart.” Mikey appears to have naturally low empathy. Pretty early on in the series, he and Draken pay a visit to a girl who was put in the hospital by a rival gang, for being affiliated with some of their members. Her parents encounter them and they are furious that anyone involved in gang activity would even dare show their faces, despite Mikey and Draken not being the ones to actually hurt her. He insists they shouldn't apologize to the parents, because it's not their fault and they personally didn't do anything, failing to comprehend the bigger picture, that the lifestyle of delinquency and crime in general and the violence it breeds, not just between those who partake, but innocents caught in the crossfire, is what led to their daughter's assault. And they are feeling grief and anger, thus acting irrationally and lashing out (which, while illogical to Mikey, is a typical emotional reaction to this sort of situation). But he eventually amends his opinion at Draken’s urging—reserving emotional consideration for when his friends are involved primarily. Difficulty regulating emotions, selective listening, and self-centeredness are also all traits that Mikey has exhibited. He often has atypical/repressed facial expressions. He has safe foods—preferring sweet things like dorayaki and taiyaki above all else. He has a comfort item in the form of an old, raggedy towel, which is, in his words “his whole life,” and refuses to give it up even when his family urges him to throw it out. “The tip of his towel” is canonically his “favorite spot”—He is seen stimming with it by rolling it up and kneading it with his hands and fingers. He also prefers to dress for comfort, in loose and baggy clothes whenever he is outside of his gang uniform, and he always wears the same flip-flops, even when it would seem inconvenient. Some other things that don’t necessarily point to autism, but maybe could be considered in the broader picture with everything else?

Routine night motorcycle rides with his brother and childhood friend, which he continues, same time and route, after their deaths, while talking like they are still there with him (though this is more him just honoring their memories and finding comfort in these old actions)

‘Dark impulse’ flare-ups could be interpreted as meltdowns that cross into violent territory? (Like after Sanzu allegedly broke his new toy as a child) But again, dark impulses are a whole other can of worms that could probably be likened to other things better than autism

He is canonically considered a martial arts genius/prodigy, which could be read as some sort of savantism, but also just typical shounen anime shenanigans Despite some of the shakier things to consider, I find myself really liking the idea of autistic Mikey, and I do think there’s a lot in the story in favor of that reading of him. I’d love to see him represented here!"

Yotasuke -

"He has terrible social skills and doesn't filter his words, and although he does not have bad intentions, he often comes off extremely cold or harsh, saying things like "Talking with you irritates me so can you please leave me alone?". He struggles to make friends, especially since he purposefully pushes people away. Yatora, the main character, brings the number of contacts on his phone to a grand total of three. His wardrobe consists of almost exactly the same shirt over and over again. He holds his pencil and chopsticks extremely weird. He loves animals and is often pictured with them, for example cats and rabbits. He was considered extremely talented at art when he was a child, and his art is still amazing but it has messed up the way he interacts with others. He feels as though art is all he has. This causes him to resent Yatora, who appears to have so many skills and career options, as well as a thriving social life. Yotasuke also has a very strained relationship with his mother, who can be quite manipulative at times. He is also very silly if that means anything to you. Everyone should go read Blue Period actually."

#tumblr polls #autistic anime boys poll #tokyo revengers #tokrev #tr #mikey #tokyo revengers mikey #mikey tokyo revengers #manjirou sano #sano manjirou #manjiro sano #sano manjiro #tokrev mikey #mikey tokrev #blue period #yotasuke takahashi #takahashi yotasuke #blue period yotasuke #yotasuke blue period

[inamindfarfaraway]

Team Chaotix in Sonic Prime

My headcanons for what Vector the Crocodile, Espio the Chameleon and Charmy Bee are like in the Shatterspaces.

New Yoke City

Vector’s variant is called Missile (a missile is a vector, having direction and magnitude). He embodies Vector’s responsibility, practicality and seriousness. He was trying to make a difference as a teenage detective when the dystopian city appeared around him four years ago and it became clear that, with the Chaos Council’s control of the new justice system and law enforcement, the person he aspired to be would never make it. Of course he wants to fight, but the Council is brutal and their absolute power seems impossible to overthrow. He soon ended up with two children in his care, one only a toddler. If he got arrested, killed or roboticized, what would happen to them? If the three of them had the Council’s protection, on the other hand, as per the contract of an exclusive, specialized detective agency who would do whatever dirty work they were ordered to… he knows that those tyrants are the reason his kids have nobody else. He knows that the vast majority of people he leads the robotic police to don’t deserve any punishment, and none of them could deserve the cruel horrors they get. He knows that he isn’t a hero - that he may even be the exact opposite. And he hates it. But any money that keeps his family alive is money worth having, he’s regretfully decided. Big concepts like good and evil are none of his concern. He’s just trying to pay the rent. It’s too late to back out now, anyway. Now that the people are rebelling en masse and the Council is busy exploring the Shatterverse, he’s desperately waiting for things to stabilize and daring to hope against hope that some positive change occurs. And that the citizens don’t recognize the collaborateurs in their midst and turn on them.

Espio’s variant is called Trace. He embodies Espio’s stoicism and pragmatism. His ninja training was cut short - and his village razed and everyone he knew killed or taken prisoner - when the Chaos Council remade the world in their image. But he’s gained plenty of experience in stealth, deception, infiltration, espionage and combat working in the Chaos Detective Agency. Dishonour means nothing to a ninja. That’s what he tells himself, at least. On the outside, he’s reserved and aloof, a cold, ruthless foe. He will only show his family the slightest show of emotion. Internally, however, his repressed grief for his old family, community, home and life; guilt, shame and self-loathing due to his service to the Council; and years of accumulated trauma are brewing into a storm that he barely keeps contained under the surface. He’s afraid of his feelings burdening his teammates and distracting them from what’s most important: survival.

Charmy’s variant is called Sting. He embodies Charmy’s eagerness to be helpful and fighting spirit. He can’t remember anything except New Yoke and doesn’t understand much of how his society works, but he knows that his family’s work is very important to them being alive and wants to be a part of it. He does notice their stress and the general unpleasantness everywhere and can infer that circumstances could be improved. But their work being dangerous is all the more reason he should help! Teamwork makes the dream work, right? Danger just adds to the fun of stopping ‘bad guys’. He’s also terrified that if they leave him behind, they might not come back. So he kept breaking out and running away when Missile and Trace went on missions until they agreed to train him and let him join them. He revels in the thrill of action and finds people getting hurt amusing the way a six-year-old boy can, not emotionally connecting to anyone he’s told they need to catch and earnestly believing that their enemies must be in the wrong. He often imitates Missile when trying to be tough and intimidating.

Boscage Maze

Vector’s variant is called Reed. He embodies Vector’s optimism, lightheartedness and musical side, and tends to have his coarser manners too. He, the other two and Cream and Vanilla’s variants are in a different small tribe to the Scavengers and haven’t yet met them, so Thorn Rose didn’t banish them to the emergent layer; they are nomadic and moving toward the Scavengers’ territory. He’s cheerful and generous, always ready to raise the tribe’s morale. He can be immature and irresponsible at times, more focused on enjoying life and entertaining his companions than applying maximum effort to practical tasks. He’s highly resourceful when it comes to instruments and has invented drums and a reed flute. He loves to play them and sing. He’s also bold enough to flirt with Vanilla and the casual first stage of a romance is budding between them.

Espio’s variant is called Berry. He embodies Espio’s caution, wisdom and love of art and culture. Yes, that’s in this dimension. The tribe took him in after they crossed paths when he was eight, him having previously had to survive on his own for as long as he can remember. He’s mature beyond his years, highly knowledgeable about the forest’s flora and fauna, wary and prepared to defend his tribe from any threat using his carved flint blades and hand-to-hand skills. He used to find it difficult to relax, but has learned to unwind through playing a shamisen-esque string instrument Reed built for him and painting with plant pigments. While acutely aware of nature’s hazards, he can still appreciate its wonder and majesty and respects it.

Charmy’s variant is called Honey. He embodies Charmy’s innocent kindness, friendliness and trusting nature. He and Cream’s variant are best friends and adoptive siblings, since his parents entrusted their friend Vanilla with him when they left on an exploratory expedition in his infancy. They didn’t return. But Honey doesn’t mind. He has everything he needs right here. The one thing he can think of that would make his life better is a friend who can fly like he can.

No Place

Vector’s variant is called Bullion (because of precious metal and a male crocodile is a bull). He embodies Vector’s sharp intelligence, charisma, greed and courage. He left his home island in a modest but sturdy vessel, dubbed the Treasure Trove, to seek his fortune and established himself as a travelling merchant. Cunning, socially savvy and theatrical, he is willing to (if you insist on using such accusatory language) ‘scam’ customers and has an endless supply of get-rich-quick schemes. He and his crew live in a fiercely competitive, unpredictable environment full of pirates! Material wealth is essential! That being said, he isn’t all talk. He will brave high seas and stormy weather, chart uncharted waters and do business with anyone to obtain the best goods and things no other merchant is selling, and the genuine quality and rarity of a lot of his stock keep people endeared to him despite his rough edges and occasional bad deal. He takes pride in his competence as a salesman and seafarer and part of him is more fulfilled by honest work. Not that he’ll admit that. He’s very attached to his swashbuckling rogue self-image.

Espio’s variant is called Fathom (a measure of water depth and a verb for contemplative thought and understanding). He embodies Espio’s firm sense of morality and diligence. He met Bullion when the crocodile docked at his home island and, struck with wanderlust and needing a job to get by, Fathom offered to manage his finances with his advanced mathematical ability and do some manual labour. Bullion agreed, but it didn’t take Fathom long to figure out that he was both running a con and a broke mess. A weirdly likeable broke mess. In the aftermath of Fathom exposing the con, the customers angrily demanding refunds and the Treasure Trove being hastily undocked, they made a deal to support and protect each other, with Fathom promising to follow his boss’s lead on the strict condition that Bullion stayed on the straight and narrow. He’s a dutiful hard worker, patient and polite. He tries to remain calm and be civil to everyone no matter how wild things get. He grounds his crewmates, restraining their more energetic, eccentric and, most frustratingly for him, selfish and amoral behaviour. He knows they can be better. And when they are, it’s extremely rewarding. But they certainly test him - though he won’t deny that the motley crew all truly care about each other and would stick together through anything.

Charmy’s variant is called Dodger. He embodies Charmy’s mischievous, irreverent side. He was born to pirates and left at an orphanage on one of the larger islands, but could never follow rules or be satisfied with a simple, mundane life in one place. He wanted excitement, and usually made his own by causing trouble and playing tricks. He totally wasn’t lonely. One day he stowed away on a ship. His plan was to steal all the stuff he could carry on him and fly off. Bullion and Fathom, the sailors who caught him, took a liking to him and were hesitant to send him back to his boring, miserable old home once he explained his life before. They were nice and cool and made him feel wanted and like he belonged more than anyone else ever had, so he hung around. Bullion makes him do chores, but respects his pranking prowess and nerve. Fathom is a great listener and playmate, albeit sometimes a killjoy.

#thought process for new yoke: #what if i made their ‘just trying to pay the rent’ motivation and vector’s apparent guardianship of two kids really dark and tragic #in an examination of how good people can be twisted by factors beyond their control? #thought process for boscage maze: #what if they were all fine and happy and chill actually? #thought process for no place: workplace/domestic sitcom hijinks ON THE HIGH SEAS #the nyc trio’s contract definitely has fine print that the council can roboticize them if they disobey any order or something #so that’s hanging over missile’s head! #them finally rebelling is going to be EPIC though #sting really wants to call missions ‘sting operations’ after himself without understanding what that means #bullion has big stan pines energy #like stan pines in his twenties career (with fathom exasperatedly shutting down the dishonest elements) #combined with his dream of sailing around going on adventures #fathom: business offer. i receive: FAIRLY earned wages. you receive: help getting your shit together #berry and fathom are the voices of reason in their trios like canon espio #but trace is NOT #firstly because missile is reasonable enough #but more importantly because trace is one more emotional straw away from a complete breakdown #which could be either sobbing himself into dehydration or a no-holds-barred rampage against the council #like. he’s ‘the calm one’ the way kit the fucking fennec is ‘the calm one’: NOT CALM #i could have just made a vector variant greedy to the point of evil #but i choose to believe that every part of vector fundamentally cares about his whatever versions of espio and charmy are present #they’re a three-pack - do not separate #plus that’s been done with knuckles the dread #and especially since they’re in the same dimension i wanted bullion and dread to be different #sonic prime #team chaotix #vector the crocodile #espio the chameleon #charmy bee

[unclejackworthing]

A LOW ACTIVITY RP BLOG FOR

UNCLE JACK

FROM WE HAPPY FEW

[ABOUT] [RULES] [VERSES]

written by rose, 28.

Do you do crossovers and au verses?

Absolutely! I'm very open to helping anyone make a We Happy Few verse for their muse, and I'm very open to making AU verses for Jack to fit him into your muse's setting. I also have a modern verse for him to easily fit him into the world of any muses who exist in more of a real world, modern day, setting.

What is We Happy Few?

We Happy Few is a game of paranoia and survival in the dystopian town of Wellington Wells, set in a retrofuturistic 1964 England. In an alternate version of WWII, the Germans agreed to pull their troops out of Wellington Wells on the agreement that all children be sent away to Germany on a train. In the aftermath, the town essentially went insane desperately trying to forget about their collective grief at the loss of their children.

It became mandated to take a drug, Joy, that induces happiness and euphoria, while also dampening the users' memories, along with wearing creepy masks that make it look like you're always smiling. In recent years, the supply of Joy (and of food!) has been growing dangerously low. The residents of Wellington Wells are reaching the end of their time, though they're too high to notice or do anything to prevent it.

Who is Uncle Jack?

Uncle Jack is the face of Wellington Wells, and all of its injustices and dystopian laws. Which, isn't to say that he believes in any of it- he isn't an authority figure himself. He's the man on every television and radio station, airing multiple propaganda laced shows every day. He's a man reading a teleprompter. In reality, he doesn't agree with the majority of what he's saying, but he also doesn't have the morals to prioritize anything but his own self interests. Until his Joy stops working.

Without the drugs to repress the trauma of his daughter's death and the realities of living in a war torn dystopia, he turns to serial killing and ritualistic cannibalism by night fall.

Affiliated with @illsuiteddowner

#indie rp #horror rp #sci fi rp

[girl4music]

Comment by @LaineyBug2020: “You keep saying that's not Willow, but that she's actually thinking the things she's saying. You're right on both counts. This is Dark Willow. She is a part of Willow as a whole. We all have that Darkness inside of us, no matter how good we try to be. This was illustrated by how easy it was for Willow to let the magic take over. She repressed a lot of herself when we first met her. Joss is showing us why we shouldn't do that. Remember how easily she was led to the demon that got released into the computer?

Remember how she never dealt with her feelings with Xander and let herself get involved in an adulterous relationship? Until now, she kept herself so repressed that anytime she tapped into more power, you would see her eyes turn black.

Then, when tragedy strikes, she’s so used to repressing that she just represses the part of herself that feels anything but vengeance. Vengeance is a powerful place to exist, much more powerful than grief. Grief is powerless. She has let herself be powerless for too long.

When we deny parts of ourselves, all we do is create imbalances and extreme dichotomies. Two extremes can't share the same place, so that's when dissociation occurs. Dark Willow is completely dissociated from her humanity, so there is nothing to temper the base impulses or intrusive thoughts.

Which is why she says what she says to Dawn.

Eventually (without spoiling too much) we get to see White Willow, the other end of the spectrum. But we don't get to see it until Willow learns how to honor, balance and thus control every part of her.

Joss uses this theme with Oz's arc when he has to leave to connect with his wolf so he can control it.

He also uses it with Spike vs Angel. Angel is a represser and a brooder. He shuns the 'Angelus' part of him when he is cursed with a soul, to the point where Angelus is able to keep secrets from him and be a constant threat. Spike accepted his Demon nature and learned to be good with it instead of in spite of it when his ability to harm people was taken away. He fought for a soul with his Demon nature fully participating so there was never a danger of him losing his soul. There was a blip he faced with The First, but he faced it right away and became stronger for it.

Even Buffy has to do this. Faith is an example of what can happen if we repress. Buff struggles throughout the show's run with honoring every part of herself to stay balanced and powerful. Especially after she's brought back.

That's what we can take away from this theme. Feel and honour every part of yourself. We are complex, but when in balance, we are POWERFUL.”

👏👏👏👏👏

Wonderfully fucking said. Wow!

One of Willow’s most repressed traits is sadism. Vampire Willow expresses and exhibits it with abandon. But there’s a reason why she’s one of the most sadistic vampires that we ever get to see in the Buffyverse.

It’s not because of the demon who took over Willow’s body. It’s because of Willow. Willow’s repressed sadism is something I love talking about because it’s such a fascinating subject when it comes to her characterisation.

You witness tidbits of it every now and again but it’s used for light humour. To break the tension in the narrative. We never think much of it until it’s used for a different purpose such as here.

Iconic Willow one-liners like “Occasionally, I’m callous and strange.” And “If you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel.” and “He deserves a torturous and slow death by spider bites.”

Innocent funny one-liners or repressed sadism? Yes.

She was never as innocent or pure as she seemed. There was very much a storm brewing inside of this one and Season 6 said let it rain!

And it’s probably the best fucking payoff of all the built-up character representation and development in the entire show. I adore it.

#buffy the vampire slayer #two to go #willow rosenberg #dark willow #alyson hannigan #repressed sadism #balance #power #control #dominance #power corruption #magic addiction #vengeance #commentator #laineybug2020 #buffy reaction #sofiereacts #Youtube

[glitterarygetsit]

Further 911 observations, about halfway through s4:

- hello everyone who followed me because of my post at from the start of s3. you are all very lovely and the number of times that post has been tagged with “you’ve got a big storm coming” strikes fear into my heart

- i like that you call it the weewoo show, that’s adorable

- with most shows only a week or two passes in-universe between episodes at most, but 911 will timeskip from one trauma to another one months later so you don’t have to waste time on any of that “healing” and “having a normal time” nonsense. excellent choice, no notes.

- shoutout to the little kid playing christopher because he’s genuinely great

- sad dad bobby has captivated me. i am very biased because six feet under was deeply formative for me, but i love how he looks like the dullest man alive but is actually deeply weird. stress baking. hall monitor vibes while lying to conceal his secret past. guilt-ridden and making dark jokes to his priest. SO damaged. no. 1 wife guy to athena. former child figure skating champion. i love him.

- you know what? shannon did nothing wrong. past eddie sucks and left her literally holding the baby with next to no support. justice4shannon.

- i don’t think these people should all be going to the same therapist, but okay

- chim and maddie!! chim and maddieeeee!! god i love that maddie just locked onto chim like a short king-seeking missile. they are extremely hashtag goals.

- also really appreciate that buck didn’t no homo at josh suggesting that maddie might be trying to set them up (“if he didn’t know better” c’mon josh you were hoping. unfortunately you’re like three seasons too early.) he’s very good at being bi but not knowing it yet :)

- eddie was SO desperate to get in that hole. makes you think.

- the guy playing buck is SO good at looking devastated. men, what’s stopping you from looking like this? *holds up a picture of buck clawing at the sodden ground with his bare hands while out of his mind with grief and panic*

- feeling v smug because i guessed the buckley family secret like an episode and a half before the reveal with only the hint “everyone knows except for him”

- samba schutte!?!

- to reiterate: *holds up a picture of evan buckley in emotional agony* you may not like it but is what peak male performance looks like

- top five dangers of being a firefighter ranked in descending order: 5) fire, 4) hostage situations, 3) Getting Crushed By Stuff, 2) tsunamis and other water-based peril, 1) repressed homosexuality

#911 abc

[distort-opia]

You probably already talked about something like this, but do you think that if joker died, would batman be able to move on? ive seen in Batman Damned and in Arkham Knights (i think) were its mentioned that batman mourns joker and is kinda lost. We already know that joker cant functionally live without batman (many comics show that explicitly), but do you think it would be the same with batman? Do you think his death would impact his entire life?

Don't think I've talked about this specifically, no. It's a question I've wondered about myself. In the end, I do think Bruce would be just as heavily affected as Joker -- but he'd deal with it differently. Joker embraces his own emotions (to an extent) and does not fear acting on them. He's not someone you'd describe as repressed. But Bruce... well. We all know how he deals with his feelings.

If Joker died, I think he'd be in grief and mourning for a long time, the way Arkham Knight and the Injustice comics hinted at. He'd retreat from his other relationships for a while, because part of it all would be self-hatred and shame and guilt at feeling this way about Joker, when everyone else is rejoicing his absence. He'd slowly get back into acting like himself, but there'd always be a void; he'll always be thrown out of balance. Joker fulfills an important function for him, and without him there to pour all of his darkness into, to make him feel as if he's not alone in his own fucked-up mind, he'd become more unhinged and more violent. He'd find it harder to control himself, and he'd be closer to snapping than ever. After all, what's order without chaos to force itself onto?

Btw, there's a great fic exploring the idea of a Bruce seeing Joker killed and living with it: Thursday In The Danger Room by Merixcil. I'm also a sucker for pain and have written a one-shot about Bruce living with Joker's disappearance (no actual confirmation of death, to make it even angstier), so might as well add it: this knife, like silence. If you do read them, hope you enjoy!

#...and by 'enjoy' I mean 'like having your heart ripped out' by the Merixcil one especially #thank you for the ask! #asks #batman #batjokes #batjokes fic rec

[thingummies-and-whatsits]

Lewis Fic Recs: From the Outside

Stories told from an outsider point of view. As usual, please feel free to add fics to the list!

Initiation Rite by divingforstones

1,454 Words, James/Robbie, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Gurdip pov. Gurdip warns off a new recruit from an ill-advised prank, and considers the loyalty and protectiveness between DI and bagman. This fic gives Gurdip such a strong voice of his own, and his thoughtful observations add so much poignancy to each small moment between the other two.

Band Practice by Hekate1308

1,521 Words, James/Robbie, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Outsider POV. James' band members observe their guitar player over the years, and notice a thing or two when his DI starts to show up at concerts. The quiet, observant affection that they show for James is quite heartwarming, as is the affectionate banter amongst themselves.

Friendship by Barcardivodka

1,194 Words, Gen, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Laura pov. While she and Robbie help James through quitting smoking, Laura muses on their friendship. There's just so much understated care in this fic, and it's interesting to see the ways in which Laura's impressions of the other two have changed over time.

Chaperone by wendymr

100 Words, James/Robbie, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Laura pov. It's obvious to her, even if they still haven't figured it out yet. In which Laura is all of us.

His Other Half by greenapricot

3,119 Words, James/Robbie, background Laura/Jean, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply Laura pov. Five times Laura suspected there was something going on between Robbie and James. A mix of lighthearted and more serious moments, all of which are more revealing than either detective realizes. Laura has a sharp eye for the nuances of their body language, and a delightful talent for throwing them off balance. Plus her relationship with Jean is an extra treat.

Innocent Fun by wendymr

1,506 Words, James/Robbie, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Laura & Jean pov. Part 2 of a series, but can be read as a standalone. Laura and Jean go out for drinks and Jean collects on a bet. The banter and friendship between them is just delicious—and dangerous once they start plotting. Robbie and James have no idea what they're in for.

Complicity by divingforstones

4,127 Words, James/Robbie, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Laura & Jean pov. Angst with a happy ending. When noble intentions and self-doubt get in the way of Robbie and James' mutual feelings for each other, Laura and Jean conspire to force some sense into them. The repressed pain and emotional divide between the two detectives is heartbreaking, but all too believable.

Filling In the Blanks by wendymr

3,439 Words, Gen, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Lyn pov. Lyn asks to meet with James, alone, to talk about Monkford, and begins to understand what exactly went into making his arrest. Lyn is as sharply observant as her father, and this fic does a great job adding depth to her character and exploring how she deals with her own grief at her mother's death.

Never Dull For Long by loves_books

2,288 Words, unrequited James/Robbie, Laura/Robbie, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply Lizzie pov. During a stakeout, Lizzie contemplates the life of a detective, and worries about her DI. Lizzie's protectiveness, and the growing friendship between her and James, are a balm against the heartbreak of watching a pining James agree to act as Robbie's best man when he marries Laura.

Unexpected Evidence by grenapricot

941 Words, James/Robbie, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Lizzie pov. Lizzie overhears a quiet moment between her bosses and suddenly a great many things makes sense. Lizzie is so perceptive and observant in this, and it's heartwarming to see the level of quiet understanding and communication that has developed between her and James.

I Really Don't Understand People Sometimes by Somniare

3,338 Words, James/Robbie, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply Monty pov. A worried Monty has had enough. Robbie is increasingly out of sorts and working late, and James hasn’t spent an evening there in ages. But what can a cat do to fix things? Monty's voice is a perfectly catlike combination of affection and selfishness.

Cat's-Eye by Hyarrowen

1,714 Words, James/Robbie, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply Monty pov. Monty could never understand why James went home in the evening, when even a dog could figure out that both men wanted him to stay. Eventually, he decides to give them some encouragement. Unsurprisingly, Monty shows more emotional intelligence than his pair of oblivious humans in this fic.

#inspector lewis #itv lewis #james hathaway #robbie lewis #laura hobson #jean innocent #gurdip sohal #lewis/hathaway #LewisFicRecs

[nomsfaultau]

SBI SCP AU character playlists

Tommy:

Rose by The Oh Hellos (I mean I'm doing an entire animatic wip, it fits and I have essays to prove it. Anyway violence, the power of names/narratives, truth, hypocrisy, how sacrifice and love tie together.)

Sunken City by David Wirsig (Tubbo associations, mostly symbolic/vibes past the prison break. The euphoria of escaping and how the world beyond is confusing and unrecognizable. The idea of journeying with a friend to the ruins of what was once your life. 6th verse as finding a new home in found family. 'God free me from the burden of my thoughts')

Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives (Tubbo, and how Tommy tries to distance himself to protect them/is the only reason Tubbo stays in a group with people they abhor. Touch starvation, hands as dangerous, seeing himself as a monster/burden. Again. Did an animatic for this one.)

Wilbur (yes they're all by Will Wood for the bit):

Misanthrapologist by Will Wood (Philza, for their light/dark dynamic and untangling of Wilbur's loathing of society and himself. WHiT Constellations interlude. I imagine 'can't keep a straight face while I'm praying' as Phil trying to get Wil to meditate but they end up laughing + 'don't you revolve around someone else' as a chide to Philza post Anderson's death)

Love Me, Normally (If he were honest with himself. Wilbur is wracked with jealousy for humanity that he disguises as hatred. Die young mentality, insomnia, bridge 2 addressed to the void, 'Is it courageous or escapist to leave the quarantine when you’re contagious?' as a comment on the danger of anomalies and if they should be contained)

BlackBoxWarrior (An entire life spent running from the Foundation and their experiments + trauma, repressing the past, general void madness, 'a map to every victim of his love' as the scars the void has left)

The Blade:

Red Water Dreams by Aviators (The sea motif of the voices, being a vessel for The Blood God, finding blame in those who unleashed his apocalyptic revenge. The entire chorus fits so well. 'Vicious thoughts are stirring/And I hunger for their power')

Paralyzed by Aviators (He's just an Aviators boy, what can I say, it's the violence and upbeat tempos man. Really this is The Blood God's song. His challengers as a duty to cull, as he's forced to hunt down every last foe that laid a hand upon his vessel. The thrill of battle, impending doom, 'I will give you one fair chance' because he really does seek a good fight. The Blade is the one paralyzed, unable to do anything but watch as his body is used for destruction)

Turn Out the Lights by The Crane Wives (Because The Blade does actually handle The Blood God/voices pretty well. I feel this song captures the way he just sorta rolls his eyes and shrugs off the intrusive thoughts most of the time)

Philza:

Rule #9 - Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage (Wilbur as a wanderer, but works for any Collected for fostering their growth. Father vibes. Philza raising his children to be strong, independent people. A gentle expectation of greatness, because he picks out the exceptional among humanity)

Hot Tea by Half Alive (His sheer adoration of his Collected, also fun to swap the roles so that it is the god showing devotion. The pure warmth and sweetness matches Philza. In retrospect I need a song about protective violence but eh I set a 3 song limit.)

Time Machine by Miracle Musical (Amnestic arc. Particularly with loneliness and the vehemence in 'look at what you've done now to me', as well as 'I'm leaving today, today' with his confused insistence that he leaves at the end of the week. The way Philza is dragged in and out of grief at the whims of the Foundation, left free floating and disorientated)

Tubbo:

Soap by The Oh Hellos (Actual perfect Tubbo song. WHiT Croplands interlude. Themes of pacifism, how Tubbo is made of pieces, the separation between humans and anomalies and how the Hivemind can cross that barrier. Learning when to let go/hold on with the Tommy, Hive members, Willow. The 2nd chorus as Rhodes trying to convince Tubbo to leave Tommy in Jasper, with the response of 'I think that you’re worth (keeping around/holding onto)' to both Rhodes and Tommy's Never Love an Anchor. And imagining Tubbo saying the last stanza to Tommy makes me so soft)

Escapism by Rebecca Sugar (Dissociation. Grey chapter in general, specifically Pewter for being firm in convictions: 'shouldn't show a trace of doubt' and telling Rosalind the sacrifice won't hurt them, as well as trying to force a dissociative episode when their hand is sawed off)

Saint Bernard by Lincoln (ok this is a troll but also fits well for Cinnabar and Old Gauze. The guilt of failing one's morals. Technically Tubbo is in Indiana satanic and chained up, but I'll let it slide. The Saint Calvin verse is so good for the Rhodes-Tommy tension + Foundation destroying families. Also the way Tubbo blames their self-loathing on Rosalind, making the chorus apt for the Hivemind mess) (but also its funny to give Tubbo the classic edgy character song)

(Bonus) Dr. Blake:

Take Me to War by The Crane Wives (She sees herself as forced to be ruthless to survive against powerful anomalies. 'And I'll rankle the beasts with words' for her manipulation. Also epithets in the dehumanizing way the Foundation avoids names. Verse 3 is Tubbo 'corrupting' the guards when they saved humans from Philza)

Solaria, Kevin / End-World Normopathy by GHOST (Tommy, with religious themes and verse 5/Kevin understood as The Blood God. The cold cruelty of the Foundation, sentience as a failure/flaw in a tool (Tommy), Dr. Blake completely separating her personal and professional selves because to have humanity is only a weakness anomalies will exploit. 'Though you’ll never die, you’ve found that/All eyes are staring at your hands' is an absolutely perfect line for summoning sessions)

#did I actually put an npc named david wirsig in Fault and have Wilbur eat his arm. Yes. It's called admiration. #moving on. #using never love an anchor feels so over done but i mean #would've been hilarious to use exclusively wilbur soot songs for Wil but frankly i don't listen to him enough to over analyze song lyrics #balancing the blade's edgy fight songs with a sweet upbeat song abt mental health was fun #was thinking both sugar pills and razzmatazz (idkhbtfm) for Phil #but time machine was better for amnestics even if it missed the obsession aspect #and. idk man i can hella read razzmatazz for the hallway but its also fundamentally about fame #also didn't include Ribs for Wil bc the lonely + accepting darkness worked well but it felt too connected to femininity #felt like it took the teeth out of the song to give to a male character #also i had enough crane wives songs already. They just make good character songs #tubbo was an utter pain to find songs for until I realized I was looking at the wrong artists #I keep saying rhodes-tommy tension like its obvious that Rhodes is behind the morals that try to hold Tubbo back from their friend #still snickering at giving tub- 'moral heart of the group' -bo the DARK EDGY IM SO EVIL song #yeah i over analyze everything way too much wahoo im so normal #fault au #sbi scp au #scp philza #scp tommyinnit #scp wilbur #scp technoblade #scp tubbo #scp oc #character playlist #technoblade #tommyinnit #philza #wilbur soot #tubbo #sleepy bois inc

[inkedmyths]

S2: E4 "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things"

Brought to you by I FINISHED THE QUARTER I'M ALIVE THANK GOD

This episode featuring: Don't cry and drive, interrogating the grieving, stupid men making bad decisions, and lessons that I'm SURE will be taken to heart

Ohhh this chick having a breakup or a death or something and this guy gets her alcohol and chocolate and emo rock. Thats so nice

Whshsgsg did she climb out the window

DONT TEXT AND DRIVE

Or call and drive and yeaaaah thats what I thought

[ Kayla inquires about this, and I amend it to being a sobbing mess while at the wheel. Kayla then goes on a continuous tangent about how much she's cried while driving. Friends, if you're reading this, please be aware that Kayla is not a model for any behavior you should be exhibiting. ]

Oh their dad's necklace on their mom's grave. Ah :(

Ohhh its a dead tree so spooky. What are you looking at Dean

Ooookay the dead grass circle is actually spooky. Uh?

Sam neither you or Dean are doing any kind of coping

[ Kayla says that if they were, we wouldn't have a show. ]

NOOOO GOD NOT THE HARASSING PEOPLE WHO JUST HAD SOMEBODY DIE

I get its for the job but :(

GOD THIS POOR DUDE IS LIKE. HES SO SO SAD BC HIS DAUGHTER DIED and then Dean's like "Yeah yeah so do you ever feel like she's still ~present~ orrrr" and Sam's clearly glaring at him to STFU

Traumedy at its finest

[ Theres some discussion now on Dean and how he handles things, due to how he was raised and his position as the Older Brother. Basically, he handles things badly, for a variety of fucked up reasons. This isn't news. ]

Sam is, in this case, right. But Dean is going to continue repressing!

Oh hey is this the best friend guy?

Or the bf?

OH THAT PLANT JUST DIED

Boi you're so dead

Ohhh spooky reflection

Oh he deeaaaad shooocker

Dean. What are you doing.

IDIOT

Dean has now ended up with a sad crying girl and he's sitting there with the clear expression of someone SO not equipped with what's happening

This is why you don't break and enter. You end up being faced with emotions.

Dean being such a brat but when is he not

COLLEGE EMPLOYED GRIEF COUNCILORS

Every new thing they impersonate is funnier than the last

Except maybe the priests. Idk if anything will top that

[ Kayla says it will. I am delighted by this. ]

Ok I was right the guy was her bf and was cheating

Grave digging. Of course. I get it but also Why

[ Kayla says something in spoiler text, and Aspen says to stop posting easy to click spoilers. Kayla says to stop clicking the spoilers. How do you think I feel? You people will have paragraphs of spoiler discussion. Right in front of my salad. ]

EMPTY COFFIN??

Oh shit there she is

Wh

I mean. Ok. Make out with a dead girl. Yeah. I mean I guess I would assume I'm dreaming but also man doesn't that raise any red flags my dude.

Also Sam yelling at Dean so true

Zombie??

Dude? Red flags?

OHHH

OHHHHHH THIS MOTHERFUCKER

I seeeeeeeee I seeeeeeee

He resurrected her bc he wanted her back

[ Kayla and Melon discuss the existence of zombies in SPN. I mostly ignore it. ]

Ohhhh oh the roommate

Uh oh girl!!

UH OH GIIIIRL

Ohhh thats scary as shit but epic

"Damn that dead chick can run"

[ Melon asks if I'm going to watch another episode, even though I'm in the middle of this one. Heathen. ]

[ Mom then interrupts to try and get me to try some foundation. I protest. Kayla says the phrase "dolled up for Dean", and Melon follows it up with "dressed up for daddy", and I immediately begin planning on ways to send them both to an early grave. Why am I friends with these people. ]

WHATS IN THE BAG BITCH

Ooooh bitch you did this you resurrected her

Ohhh you're so dead you're so stupid

OHHH SHE JUST STRAIGHT UP SNAPPED HIS NECK

Luring her in I see

Not a vengeful spirit but something turned angry and dangerous because someone decided to fuck around and find out

WHSHSHS something a little funny about Sam running from some chick in a nightgown

What's dead should stay dead! Correct Dean! Hope you all take that to heart

Don't tell me anything bc I'm already so sure they don't

There's 15 seasons and these guys love to fuck around and find out. What's a little necromancy

Pulling over? Whatcha doing. Getting out to yell at the void

Oh shit is Dean Winchester APOLOGIZING? (gasp)

[ Kayla says he actually does that quite frequently, due to generally being apologetic for committing the crime of existing. This is a fair assessment. ]

Its not your fault buddy... you couldn't have controlled what your dad did. You never could.

Oh my god men crying

---

Dean continues to do bad at feelings. Sam is only marginally better because at least he's addressing that there are feeling being had. Anyways, don't resurrect people, they come back Wrong, and I'm suuuure this is so totally a lesson that the Winchesters are taking to heart and therefore will definitely not be attempting any necromancy at all in the future.

#on the highway to superhell #spn #supernatural #men crying! men crying!

[stormbabylore]

Job Transitions: Lancer -> Dragoon

Continuing the topic of whether or not I follow game canon for the transition from Aeryn's starter classes into her specialized roles with lancer/dragoon! (Dragoon was Aeryn's rage class for a while, so there's a lot to unpack here...)

I have tagged copiously, so hopefully you're not even SEEING this if you're avoiding spoilers, but disclaimer just in case:

Many very big spoilers below for both the dragoon class quests and MSQ from ARR, HW, and post-HW!

D R A G O O N

Just as in the canon story, Aeryn reached the peak of what Ywain felt she could learn from him in Gridania, such that he sent her off in search of Alberic in Coerthas. She met with Alberic and briefly trained with him, but I imagine that training was stunted by her status as an outsider: the other dragoons didn't really teach her anything, despite commending her ability to somehow hold her own in their "tests." She still had that first encounter with Estinien and felt the pulse of power from Nidhogg's eye, but she would not have met with him again, nor forged any kind of partnership with him until it happens later in MSQ. (Estinien, for his part, might have kept a peripheral eye on her after that initial meeting, curious about her progress and her odd connection to the eye - but no more than that.)

Realizing her studies weren't getting her anywhere, she gave up on training with Alberic circa late ARR, when the story would have been pulling her every which way across Eorzea and, eventually, shattering her emotions with the events just prior to Heavensward. She would certainly have visited Alberic to check in from time to time after seeking refuge in Ishgard - may even have seen in him a safe, familial sort of company similar to what she shares with Cid - but she did not further her training with him at that time, preferring, instead, to continue working with the bow.

The build-up of so much internally repressed pain and loss (her own vague past losses, Moenbryda, Wilred, Nanamo, the Scions, and the recently learned horrible truth about the dragonsong war) was already too much for her by the time Haurchefant died, and his death served as a true breaking point. She feared further loss, feared failing those that yet remained so much it cracked her resolve; and from that broken place stemmed the notion that her timidity in battle was to blame. If she could get better at close combat, as Ywain had always encouraged her, perhaps she would be strong enough and close enough to protect her allies. She briefly gave up the bow and sought out Alberic again. Her struggles to connect to magic on the Source didn't impact her ability to channel the power of the dragon once she really tried. She easily felt it (and its rage) churning within and used that to power through her grief - albeit in an unhealthy way.

Because the stronger she grew with her spear, the angrier she became, and the less she held back - to the point that she showed far less mercy in battle, especially when truly provoked. She also strove, to a fault, to keep others out of harm's way, often to her own detriment. On the surface, she convinced herself she was honoring Haurchefant's memory by fighting in the ancient manner of his countrymen while striving more fiercely to protect those who remained.

Deep within, though, she was more discontent than ever.

As far as the existing class story with Alberic and Estinien, I deviate to suit my timeline. She and Estinien had already formed a tenuous bond of sorts (or at least shared a mutual respect as fellow warriors) by the time of Haurchefant's death, so when Aeryn took up the lance again, it was at Estinien's side as they continued their pursuit of Thordan. He was able to contribute to her training just as much as, if not more than, Alberic; and he, more than anyone, recognized the danger of her self-detrimental wrath. So along with teaching her to better utilize her strength in battle, he taught her methods of embracing and channeling her emotions - of calming her rage - under the pretense that it would help prevent the power of the dragon from ever claiming her. As such, he was one of the few to genuinely help her cope with her grief and begin to heal, though she didn't realize it until much, much later.

Urianger also played a big part in her healing. Once they were properly reunited alongside the events of rescuing Raubahn and waking Nanamo, she resumed studying the stars under his guidance (by which means Aeryn learns astro lore even outside my astro AU). There's a line in the astro class quests about the spear that she would hear from Urianger, instead of from Leveva - likely when he comes to Ishgard before their venture to Azys Lla:

"The spear fills us not only with the power to overcome our enemies, but also the compassion that is necessary to grant those same enemies mercy."

Hearing this opened her eyes to her need to grow through her own grief and anger. That realization, combined with the techniques learned from Estinien and the patience of her friends and allies who remained ever supportive, helped her eventually regain a sense of balance in both herself and her fight: knowing when to choose the bow and when to choose the spear.

After Estinien lost himself to Nidhogg's shade, Aeryn found she could sense his presence through her own connection to the eye(s) and sought Alberic's guidance, thinking she might use that ability to find and save him, as she promised Alphinaud. She reasoned that if she could get close enough to draw some of the eye's power into herself, it might divide Nidhogg's strength just enough for Estinien to regain control and be rid of the eyes once and for all. But she worried that the connection might work in reverse - that Nidhogg might see her coming. Alberic then offered himself as bait, revealing to Aeryn the truth of his past - and of Estinien's.

The finale of the class quest is close to canon - just much later in the MSQ. Aeryn battled Estinien, tainted by Nidhogg's shade and lured by the knowledge of Alberic's betrayal that had been festering alongside his rage for many, many years. Aeryn managed to fend him off and withstood drawing enough of the power of the eye into herself to briefly overpower him in the fight, but it ultimately proved not enough to defeat Nidhogg, who escaped while still in control of Estinien, allowing post-Heavensward events to happen as they do in canon.

Though the plan ultimately failed, the fight pushed Aeryn to achieve her full potential as an azure dragoon, able to draw on the power of the dragons without succumbing to their ancient rage - a balance that proved essential for her in the post-HW story. Her journey to that point gave her a unique perspective that earned her the trust and regard of Hraesvelgr as well as the strength to bear the brunt (with a little supernatural assistance) of severing Estinien's connection with Nidhogg's eyes. She could not still be owned by either her grief or her anger at that point, or she would herself have been forfeit to the otherwise consuming power of both dragons' eyes.

Well... that was a lot! I had more work to do to fit dragoon into Aeryn's canon than I realized, especially with the odd timing of those class quests alongside the MSQ timeline. Hopefully it all makes sense!

/beam

#aeryn stormwater #ffxiv oc #ffxiv wol #ffxiv #ffxiv gpose #ffxiv screenshots #wol lore #wol oc #my wol #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #arr spoilers #a realm reborn spoilers #hw spoilers #heavensward spoilers #ffxiv lancer #ffxiv dragoon #ffxiv class quests #i miss her pigtail braids so much #wol questions #haurchefant greystone #estinien wyrmblood #alberic bale #urianger augurelt #urianger #ffxiv rage class #ffxiv death #ffxiv character death #this was my baby's rage class

[juniperhillpatient]

The Siege of the North Part 1 Re-Watch

I tried to talk myself out of watching more episodes tonight but I couldn't because I was so excited for the 2-part finale & that's how you know it's good TV. The fact that Sokka knows right away what the ash falling from the sky means is so heartbreaking. Also, pairing that with the later revelation that he doesn't even remember his own mother's face just makes it hurt even more. Sokka's trauma is so fascinating to explore because while characters like Aang, Katara, & Zuko are loud about the things that hurt them - they yell, they cry, they have outbursts - Sokka's trauma is quiet. He downplays it. He's loud & obnoxious when he's acting goofy or petty, but his more serious trauma is touched on in ways that he doesn't make a big deal out of - like the quiet moment of recognition he has with the ash raining from the sky. I think it says a lot about Sokka's practical nature & tendency to bury & repress his grief that he remembers the ash but not his mother.

Hahn is just as obnoxious as I remember him. His main traits are arrogance & entitlement. He prioritizes his own self-accolades over the good of his people by refusing to truly listen to Sokka's advice & knowledge about the Fire Nation. Hahn's screentime may be limited, but my loathing for him is real.

This line from Aang stands out a lot:

I wasn't there when the Fire Nation attacked my people. [Determined.] I'm going to make a difference this time.

This moment & Aang's determination to help showcase his character development - & there's been a lot. It's not enough to help the Northern Water Tribe though. Aang comes back, defeated, because no matter how many Fire Nation ships he takes out - they just keep coming.

We really see the burden that's on Aang's shoulders when Yue insists that he has to fight them - he's the Avatar. They need him, & it doesn't matter if he's tired & doesn't have a plan. This is definitely the most high-stakes & intense the show has ever been. We've been building to a showdown like this for a long time, & it's a fittingly intense setup for a season finale.

We also get a moment that's been a long time coming between the show's more sympathetic villains. I never fail to get emotional when Iroh says he thinks of Zuko as his own, and proceeds to yell advice after Zuko as Zuko sets off on his mission to capture the Avatar.

Iroh's intent here is iffy though. Not his intent to protect Zuko or his thinking of Zuko as his own son - that's crystal clear & obviously sincere. What I mean is, I'm confused about Iroh's actual loyalties. Maybe it will make sense once I finish my re-watch because I don't remember the details about the White Lotus, but I feel very unsure if Iroh actually wants Zuko to capture the Avatar & if not why he doesn't outright try to change Zuko's mind. Maybe he knows that Zuko will just get angry? I feel like I haven't had a firm grasp on Iroh's intentions & motivations (other than that he cares about Zuko) throughout this re-watch.

Anyway, Aang is about to enter the spirit world, & we're introduced to the Spirit Oasis a beautiful & serene location that we just know is in danger of destruction now 🙂

Also, Sokka gets a special assignment from Arnook to protect Yue. I'm sure this is going to be super fun & lead to nothing but good times!

Okay, maybe I just wanted an excuse to put a picture of Yue in my post because she's pretty.

In this episode, we get to see Zuko Vs. Katara & that's a pretty epic battle. Plus it gives us the iconic "you rise with the moon, I rise with the sun" line.

The last thing I have to say about this episode is that there's another thing I'm confused about & I can't tell if I'm just stupid or if I'm missing something or what - but why didn't the water-benders attack the Fire Nation ships at night? Yue seems to understand that water-benders are stronger at night. The Fire Nation army - even Zhao - admits as much. Is there a reason the water-benders in the Northern Water Tribe don't go on the offensive at night while the Fire Nation ships are waiting for daybreak to attack? I guess they prefer to fight on the defensive? It just seems like that would've been a good strategy, but maybe I'm missing something. Or maybe this gets brought up in part 2 & I don't remember.

Finally, this episode ends on a pretty bleak cliffhanger. Zuko has finally succeeded in capturing Aang. This is really the only way to set up the Book 1 finale, & I'm very excited to watch that intense roller coaster of an episode!

#the siege of the north part 1 #the siege of the north #atla book 1 #atla #atla re watch #image ids in alt text

[godkilller]

headcanon. I think this doesn't really need saying because I've been putting it into my writing for years now, but the main thing I wanted to tackle in terms of Gin's motivations was the whole argument the fandom tended to have about him 'throwing his life away for a piece of a soul/revenge' because it's deeper than that. At the core, behind that anger and bloodlust, there's grief. Grief that it even happened in the first place, grief because he's mourning her loss, yes -- but he's also grieving his own loss. His loss of his childhood, his loss of his self, the things he thought he was so ready to throw away for this goal ---- and how he now can't ever find it again, or believes that to be true at least. And at the very bottom, at that very very center, there's guilt because he blames himself for it happening in the first place. I've tackled the idea of 'survivor's guilt' and that concept with Gin witnessing, at a very young age, a traumatic thing -- and then caring for the victim of that traumatic thing all while internalizing the trauma she's now repressed. Rangiku, by all means, is conveyed as a person who has to some extent forgotten what happened that day. But Gin hasn't. Gin is rooted there, remembering always. He's trapped. He's trapped himself. He feels guilt because Gin thinks it should have been him, he should have gotten some of his soul taken because ---- and this is in retrospect, too ---- he's a captain now, he had power to spare all coiled up and locked inside of himself, surely they should have taken from him instead of her. It's the bargaining stage of grief that gets Gin the most, the whole 'if they had just taken me instead, then it would've been okay' -- and then the anger at himself for being so powerless, for being too slow and not arriving sooner, not finding her there before those men picked at her like vultures. Gin wishes he could've protected her, which also fuels and explains why he became so incredibly strong and blasted through the Academy with a reputation for Shinso to match. Discovered and mastered his Shikai within a single year, and likely shot to lieutenant ranking right after Shinji and co. were exiled. That's motivation -- but it's the sort that also explains why he didn't take on Hollowfication like Tousen did. Gin wanted to do this within his own power, he wanted it to be by his own hand, which touches back on the whole vengeance thing, making it 'personal' but more importantly, it's Gin trying to right a wrong he feels directly responsible for.

Gin's restricted by the narrative of Bleach an awful lot because he's meant to be a side character and his betrayal of Aizen and subsequent death were meant to be a shock-value twist to reveal at the edge of the arc's final climax between Ichigo and Aizen, so of course he couldn't conventionally protect his loved one(s) like other protagonists can. I don't resent Tite for throwing Rangiku into dangerous scenarios, like Ayon's attack, and not showing us even a glimpse of a reaction from Gin because he was trying to not foreshadow (or simply didn't think that much about it) but I think it'd be a disservice to say Gin didn't care with all of his heart he claims he doesn't have anymore just because he didn't leap through Yamamoto's flames to come to her rescue.

But anyways, I digress. He carries guilt with him, and he weaponizes it too -- he grew up internalizing this trauma and coiling in on himself to hide his feelings so that they weren't used against him. He saw these adult figures, like Shinji, try and then harshly fail (while also getting their loved ones hurt/nearly killed) while trying to stop Aizen. That also adds to his resentment, his grief; if I wasn't strong enough, why didn't someone else help? Why didn't someone else save her, why didn't someone else notice where things were going, what Aizen was doing? Where were you when children were getting drained into dust? That's another way Gin lashes out whilst internalizing his guilt; I was there, I was there and I watched them turn to dust before, and now I'm standing here beside the man who's making it happen, the one responsible, and I'm once again powerless and helpless to stop it. Contributing to the issue that began his entire descent, not by wicked sadism, but because he couldn't exactly make a quick grab for Kyoka Suigetsu and hope Aizen wouldn't obliterate him on the spot. There's a helplessness and doomedness that I try to give Gin without downright victimizing him --- because he isn't the victim. He is a victim, he is arguably groomed and molded into a deadly weapon because Aizen wanted him to be the one to challenge and perhaps downright kill him all to succeed in his transcendental evolutionary process. He's a victim of not having a childhood, of becoming a child soldier and having a kill count before he even broke puberty. Gin is a victim to his own isolation, he's internalized so much and hasn't felt safe for even a moment's worth to ever convey that weakness -- in one part because he just generally doesn't feel it's safe to open up about this, but on the other part it's specifically the nature of Aizen being able to eavesdrop on any conversation (which he's canonly shown doing back with Shinji, too, and the other ways he monitored Ichigo and the Hollow he experimented on). Gin made a huge life-altering decision in a blizzard one day as a kid, after murdering three men, because he wanted to right a wrong. Gin now can't turn back, the moment he killed the Third Seat of the Fifth Division in front of Aizen -- he was past the point of no return. You cannot gain the interest and curiosity -- not to mention eventual trust -- of Aizen Sousuke without getting tied down to that life.

He's helpless because he made himself helpless, Gin made himself doomed, and the worst part of it all is that Gin acknowledges that in his poem, acknowledges that he's turned himself into this wicked and irredeemable thing, a monster, that is supposedly not worthy of love, not worthy of uttering the idea of love at someone else because he'll taint it, and in my writing Gin acknowledges that he believes he deserves that doomedness.

#[ headcanon ] fresh snowfall; fading footprints mark his path #woop.

[blackcanary567]

I just had a bunch of thoughts about The Wheeler siblings and how they are written in regards to both each other and their parents. Particularly when it comes to their romantic relationships.

(This is a pretty rambling and unstructured but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

(Also; none of this is hate against any of the characters, they all have their reasons for their behaviour, this is just focusing on Mike and Nancy’s perspectives and feelings.)

Mike and Nancy are incredibly similar people, both by personality traits and emotional temperament. They are both proactive, brave, protective, determined, logical, hot-headed, insecure, stubborn and natural leaders. They’re both willing to take command of a situation and lead their friends against the monsters of the Upside-Down. They’ve repeatedly shown a willingness to not only fight for love ones but to die for them to. They both suffer from emotional repression and repeatedly mishand their grief and trauma due to a lack of support system, lashing out at those around them. They both snap and bite back at any perceived slight, even bordering on cruel in their retorts, but are willing to apologise.

Mike and Nancy have limited interactions with each other, most of which are them bickering with one another, and they have little supportive or comforting scenes just like their parents. Often, as dislayed particularly in the first season, their interactions mirror their parents. In the first episode, Nancy leaves the table after bickering with Mike, with Karen leaving the table shortly after her kids while bickering with Ted. In the seventh episode, Ted and Karen support each other while the Dr. Brenner’s people search their house but Karen holds out information to protect her kids, while Nancy is concerned for Mike safety as the lab searches for him they reunite show support for one another through their best friends disappearances, promising not to keep secrets but immediately lie about they romantic interests.

Despite their limited interaction, their storylines each season directly parallel each other’s:

• In season 1, they both seek to find their best friend and gain a romantic interest that helps them, which puts them on the outs with another relationship (Mike looks for Will, finds El and is arguing with Lucas while Nancy looks for Barb, teams up with Jonathan and is struggling with Steve).

• In season 2, they both push aside everything else to help that same best friend (Mike by supporting Will as he’s possessed and leaving his friend group do so, and Nancy by getting her Barb’s parent closure while leaving her relationship with Steve).

• In season 3, they both struggle with finding balance between their needs and their partners, put their relationships in jeopardy (Mike becomes over-protective of El and Nancy gets Jonathan fired trying to prove herself to her sexist bosses), are both ultimately right about the larger danger (Mike is right about the group relying to much on El’s powers and Nancy is right about the rats dangerous) but still apologise to their partners for their behaviour and make amends.

• In season 4, they both find themselves on opposite ends of the same problems; a lack of communication in their relationships which leads to divide but they are both willing to do what it takes to protect their partners and loved one. Mike’s insecurities makes El think he doesn’t love her without her powers, partially driving her to get them back, he seeks her out wishes to aid her and is able to overcomes his fears to help her fight Vecna. Nancy is left on the outs with Jonathan due to his fears of the future, causing her to have tension with a now grown-up Steve, she pushes through her trauma and seeks to kill Vecna but is still left in the dark on her problems with Jonathan.

In regards to their parents, they aren’t just opposites in personality as a result of being raised that way, but are actively choosing and striving to be their (gender respective) opposites.

Ted is laid back, simple, oblivious, and unemotional. He’s completely disconnected from his wife and kids, seemingly unaware of how unhappy his wife is and doesn’t even know where his kids are on most occasions. He has only two one-on-one scenes with his children, with Mike as he ties his tie and with Holly asleep on his La-Z-Boy recliner, seeming to have no relationship with his eldest. He lacks parental instinct and relies of his wife’s intuition, rarely parenting beyond scolding curse words. He makes comments that are the complete opposite of what the plot is detailing (doubting Nancy and Mike being involved in something together, stating that the government can be trusted, asking if Mike would jump off a cliff if his friends did). Ted is completely oblivious to the Upside-Down and doesn’t suspect anything be wrong in his children’s lives.

Mike is extremely loyal, optimistic, passionate and trusting. He’s brave and willing to put himself in danger to protect his friends (fighting Troy to defend Will’s name, jumping of the quarry to protect Dustin, standing up to the people from the lab to protect El, going to the lab with Will and Joyce, standing up to Hopper, going into the tunnels to help El close the gate, hitting flayed Billy to protect El, grabbing El during the Mind-Flayer’s attack). Throughout the show, he is thrust it to the dangers of the Upside-Down, not by seeking it out, but through his loyalty and need to protect his friends. In season 1, he goes searching for Will and finds El, who is already has knowledge of the Upside-Down and is able to (somewhat) explain it to him. In seasons 2 and 3, his concern for Will is what drives him back into fray. In season 4, his concern for El and his loved ones in Hawkins causes him to go searching for the NINA Project. This is also how he processes his grief, he’s reactive and becomes more and more protective of his friends, willing to lash out any perceived harm done to them, particularly when it comes to El.

While he starts off focusing on his friends, as he gets older, he slowly becomes more and more focused on his romantic relationship with El while drifting from his friends (similarly to Nancy with Steve in the first season). In particular, he’s trying to figure out exactly what kind of partner he needs to be for her, trying to be the opposite kind of partner that his father is to his mother. His biggest enemy isn’t the Upside-Down or Vecna but his own fears and emotions.

During season 3, knowing all she’s been through and having lost her once before, he becomes over-protective and borderline possessive of El. His behaviour is called by Max, Nancy and (very poorly) by Hopper, but he doesn’t realise or change until El herself is telling him this and asking him to trust her. And while he does end up being right up the group relying to heavily on El’s powers, he doesn’t say “I told so”, but rather supports El through her fears and tries to reassure her that they’ll come back (inadvertently creating a problem in regards to her self doubt).

During season 4, Mike’s struggling with his own insecurities about his role in their relationship, and as a result, pushes El away and deeper into her own insecurities. Their insecurities are aligned and are a result of her powers. El feels as though she can’t be loved without them, while Mike is scared that he isn’t good enough to loved by someone with them. He voices that he feel unworthy of El’s love and affection, believing her to be better than him (a “superhero”), and that he is scared that by confessing his feelings, it will hurt more if she realise she deserves someone better than him. More specifically, he makes a comparison of his and El’s relationship to that of Superman and Lois Lane’s (El being Superman and him being Lois), stating that “at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter”, implying that she is worthy of such a person and thus, an equal to Superman. This both highlights his respect for his sister (herself an aspiring reporter), and by their similarities, his mother, while he’s comparing himself to his father, an insignificant man unworthy of a “superhero’s” love. A guy who just got lucky. A luck he fears will run out when El realises just how average he is.

But, as Will points out, he is the heart of the party. Even though he has struggled with his own emotions and fears, Mike has constantly stood up for his friends against bullies and monsters, he’s willing to apologise and learn from his mistakes and behaviour. At El’s side as her partner, he is constantly providing her support and comfort when she needs it. He adapts to her needs and is willing to put his own heart on the line for her, confessing his love in spite of fear to help her fight Vecna. Because, unlike his father, he is a good partner, he just has to stop letting his fears control him and be honest with her. The problems, is that by focusing so much on being the best partner he can be, he’s not only neglecting his friends but his own wants and needs. It’s hard to say what exactly those are, as the show tends to focus on what he gives over what he gains, but it could spell trouble in the future.

Karen is a shown as an unhappy housewife in a loveless marriage, who was once rebellious and adventurous, but had been beaten down into that role by sexism and societal pressure. She cares deeply for her children, constantly trying to connect with them but is often (not always) unsuccessful, and is fiercely protective of them, yelling at government officials and dismissing her husband in favour of defending them. She teeters on the edge of discovering the Upside Down and all the tragedes in her kids lives but is always left in the dark through her own reluctance to follow through. She pieces together that Nancy slept with Steve but is shut down, investigates when Mike is behaving oddly and discovers El’s fort in the basement but caves to Dr. Brenner, she tries to figure Mike and Nancy’s involvement with Eddie Munson and the murders but is left without answers. In season 3, she’s presented with temptation, a passionate younger man interested in her, but refuses once she sees her husband and Holly, reminded of her family and her place in both their lives and society.

Nancy is studious, kind, rebellious and approval-seeking, many of her traits contradicting themselves. She’s willing to stand-up for herself and seeks to make an impact wherever she is. Like her brother, she’s brave and constantly fighting to protect her friends (crawling into the Upside-Down, fighting the Demogorgen, releasing top-secret government information to the public, drawing Bruce away from Jonathan, standing off against Billy in his car, diving into the Upside-Down after Steve, trying to kill Vecna). Throughout the show, she isn’t thrown into to danger by association or by someone else telling her, she actively seeks it out through investigation (searching for Barb, looking for Mike and Will with Jonathan, investigating into the rats, investigating Chrissy’s murder at the trailer park). Opposite to Mike, Nancy’s grief reaction is preventive, keeping guns in her room, trying to investigate everything so she can be one step ahead. She doesn’t want to be caught off guard and lose someone else as she did Barb and Fred. She isn’t the opposite of her mother in personality. In fact, she is actually quite like her mother, but she is actively seeks a life that’s the opposite of Karen’s, possessing an unwavering determination to be more than just a woman in people’s eyes. Her insecurities stem from the idea that she isn’t as intelligent as she thinks she is and is destined for an unfulfilling life. Like Mike, her biggest enemy isn’t Upside-Down related but society and it’s expectations for her. Nancy is highly aware of her parents marriage and has no desire to end up as her mother did, so much so that she practically fears it. Both her love interests have similar traits, being caring, compassionate, and, as she has pointed out for both of them, protective (just because she is capable of protecting herself and other doesn’t mean she can’t have someone willing to do the same). This is the complete opposite of her indifferent father, she needs someone proative to keep up with her and support her through her ideas and adventures. More importantly, wants someone to give her emotional support and attentiveness, instead of being completely ignorant to her needs as her father is with her mother.

In season 1 and the start of season 2, she’s dating Steve, who is reluctant to believe her about what she saw in his yard, is rather uncaring towards Barb’s disappearance and subsequent death, and thinks he is doing what best for her by trying to distract her from her grief when what she needs is a solution to help Barb’s parents. Meanwhile, Jonathan presents himself as a far better partner, he understands her trauma, he listens to her, challenges her, comforts her, and is more than willing to fight alongside her (be it against the demogorgen or the lab). Instead of resisting temptation like her mother and going for the path society expects from her, Nancy goes for it and seeks her own happiness.

In season 3, her and Jonathan’s relationship becomes tense due their workplace creating societal resentment on both their parts. She is in environment that doesn’t value her ideas, routinely humiliates her and shows her what her future workplace may hold for her simply on the basis of her gender, where as her boyfriend is able to seamlessly fit into that environment. She is right about the rats, but Jonathan doesn’t believe her until Will is brought into things. They make amends, Nancy apologising for her behaviour towards his struggles as well, and work together again before Jonathan moves away. There’s clearly an impact left on her in season 4 by his doubts.

By season 4, Jonthan and Steve’s roles in their relationship with Nancy are reversed. Jonathan has become distant while he believes he is doing what’s best for her, a distance which Nancy notices and is unsure of the cause, wondering if it’s just them being a thousand mile away or if he’d meet someone else. Suddenly, Steve shows up at Fred’s crime scene and is exactly what she needed when Barb went missing. He doesn’t stop her from going to the library to investigate out of doubt merely stops her from going alone for her safety. He actively seeks to be her partner to question Victor Creel, he’s voluntarily become the big brother figure of a bunch of kids he has no family relations to, he throws himself into danger first so no one else has to, and he’s there for her after she is confronted by Vecna. His doubts about her theories come from a lack of solid evidence, but he’s still quick to cave and trust her her intuition. He openly shares his dreams and future plans with her, seeking her approval instead of making a decision for her. Steve’s grown up and become someone she could have a future with.

Nancy is stuck between a rock and a hard place, with two men trying to be what’s best for her and both of whom can potentially fulfill what she needs in a partner. Optimistically, Jonathan is seeking to ensure her dreams come true while Steve is asking whether both their dreams could become reality. Pessimistically, Jonathan is making a decision regarding both their futures without her input or knowledge and Steve’s desire for a large family could shatter her career plans.

On the other hand, she has also found a non-romantic partner in Robin, who is able to not just keep up with her, but actively help her similarly to Jonathan in season 1. However, as opposed to Jonathan seeking to help his brother, Robin’s involvement is purely based on coincidence and her own drive. There’s no shared trauma bonding them, rather their intelligence and opposite personalities clashing together, yet complimenting the other’s. Where as Nancy is logical and has rigid structure to her thinking, Robin’s creative and knows to think outside the box. Where as Nancy is able to use her the structures of femininity to her advantage, Robin is able to break free and warp the structures of masculinity to her advantage. Robin is willing to give Nancy control as a leader and support her through that while still being on equal footing. They’re learning to work around each other and concede where the other excells. In Robin, she’s found someone who can understand her struggles in society and doesn’t wish to be confined by it’s standards, for one reason or another.

Holly represents both sides of her family due her young age. She sees the Demogorgen in the wall and the Mind-Flayer in the trees, but can’t properly voice this and is lulled into ignorance by her mother’s comfort. She’s present for Nancy, Max and Dustin’s conversation about Vecna and the Creel house but his distracted by her Lite Brite and comforted by her sister and Dustin when frightened by the idea of Freddy Kreuger. She is simply too young to take a stance on the dangers of Hawkins and could very well continue of blissfully unaware like her parents or become involved like her siblings.

#anyway i love this family and their dysfunctional selves #which is pretty funny considering my family's dynamic is more like that of the Byers #there's probably so much more i could add but i got tired of typing #the wheelers #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #karen wheeler #ted wheeler #holly wheeler #eleven x mike #nancy x jonathan #nancy x steve #stranger things

[whimsicaldragonette]

ARC Review: Leeward by Katie Daysh

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Publication Date: May 11, 2023

Synopsis:

For whatever we lose, it is our self we find in the sea. 1800. HMS Ulysses mutinies off Trinidad and vanishes into the Caribbean. No one knows how many of the crew are left alive or what the mutineers plan to do with the vessel. Captain Hiram Nightingale is a veteran of the wars which have raged throughout Europe and the Americas for the last decades. But a grand victory at the Battle of the Nile comes at a devastating cost. Plagued by wounds both physical and mental, he attempts to recover by accepting command of HMS Scylla. His task is to hunt down the mutineers and bring the ship and crew to justice. However, it soon becomes clear that the Ulysses is just one danger in an immense web. Nightingale finds himself in the middle of a network of secrets that will affect everyone onboard the Scylla. He has to battle against the perils of the war-torn seas, a crew who he fears does not accept him, and meddling, powerful figures from the past. And in the centre of all this, his new lieutenant, the popular Arthur Courtney, stirs up long repressed feelings. On his journey, Nightingale must confront his own demons. For it seems, during his dangerous adventure, Nightingale's greatest enemy might be himself. A deeply poignant tale of naval warfare, political intrigue and a love that stands tall in an unaccepting world. Perfect for fans of Hornblower, Sharpe and Outlander.

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review below the cut.

My Review:

I have always, always loved a good tale of adventure at sea. Pirate ship, naval ship, I don't care - If a part of it takes place on a sailing ship I'm sold. Unsurprisingly, I loved this. Captain Nightingale is at the start a troubled man, ravaged by grief and loss and beset on all sides by meddling superiors. I really felt for him from the beginning, and especially as he showed his bravery and kindness on board the Scylla. This book was an outward journey, yes, chasing the mutinied Ulysses, but also an inward journey to self-acceptance and peace. And it was an absolute joy to read. I really felt like I was there, at sea along with Captain Nightingale. The setting of ships and sea is drawn so well that I was tasting salt in the air, breathing the adventure. I never questioned any aspect of the setting or the historical details. I love how Nightingale's and Louisa's relationship and sexuality are handled, and how his relationship with Courtney develops. It's slow and built on so much trust and understanding that it just feels right. There's nothing physical until the very end and even that is much tamer than a typical romance novel, but I liked that about it. I found the warmth and intimacy and trust between Courtney and Nightingale was much closer to my own idea of romance than more typical overly physical relationships built more on lust. I was delighted to see that there are more adventures of Nightingale and Courtney planned. I look forward to reading them as soon as I can get my hands on them. *Thanks to NetGalley and Canelo for providing an early copy for review.

#leeward #katie daysh #lgbt+ books #queer books #maritime fiction #nautical fiction #historical fiction #age of sail #netgalley #arc review #shilo reads

[mizumiii]

I will kill you - Third attempt

First part - Previous part - Table of contents

Desha x Fem!Reader

Credit : .

Hello ! I don't remember if I have said it before, but this story will have seven parts! Here is the third ;)

“Report to the king”, the spy claimed.

Desha was sitting behind his desk, in his private study, where he knew nobody could snoop on what he was doing. 

“Go on”, he simply ordered, lifting his head from his papers.

“The Queen”, the title made Desha’s eyes twitch, “spends her days looking in the library. She has not been seen interacting with other people than the Castle’s servants.” 

“It’s like that then”, the king mumbled, “good work, keep following her and reporting me.”

The spy bowed and left the room, letting Desha pounder for a moment. The attack on the both of you had made him worry about your safety, and lowered his suspicion on your account. But, he was still wary since you were still Lian’s daughter and a tiefling. The worst part was that every private moment he shared with you was making him softer, and he did not like it. He was still hurting from Ouken’s imprisonment, and he could not count on Despa who was still dealing with his own grief. He also had a good idea about what you were looking for. 

He suddenly stood up and went to look in his own private library. Obviously, he would not let any book wander in the Castle, free for everyone's eyes. Some had dangerous information, like the two he carefully selected. They were old and a bit dusty, but he knew their texts very well. He deliberated for a while, one in each hand. Could he really trust you with that? Obviously, there was a good chance that you already knew what was inside… He finally took both of them and put them in his pocket. And since it was already late, he decided to go get dinner.

Meanwhile, you were still in the Castle’s library. Since you had become the king’s wife, you were feeling more comfortable here. The servants were kind and carefree, but you were not. However, you have already understood that you will not find anything. It made your heart feel heavy, and at the same time, you did not have the luxury to just mop around. Each day spent far from Lian’s mansion could mean that something terrible had happened. But at the same time, what could you do? Even if you already knew that you would not spend the rest of your days here, you did not want to just throw yourself under the carriage’s wheels. 

A discrete sound, maybe you look toward the entrance, a man-servant came in, looking gloomy. You felt your body tense, and a thrill seized you. You remembered the attack clearly, and now you were really wary. 

“Your tea is cold”, he said to you without carrying any cup.

“I don’t care”, you barked back. “I’m brewing perfectly well, you are the one who is not putting enough effort.”

“Be careful”, he threatened you angrily. “My master is not pleased… And you know what will happen if you do not show any results…”

You clenched your fists, but you could do nothing against him, he was just a messenger, and the fear of the consequences was preventing you from risking anything. 

“Do you have what is needed?” He pressured you.

You repressed the sudden urge to tell him to fuck off and unhappily gave him a paper. He took it without looking at what was on it and simply left, letting you shiver with anger and fear. You felt tears burning your eyes and hated to be so powerless. You were only a pawn, and you had no future for yourself. 

“At least, it is easy to find you”, a deep voice noted with a scoff. 

Your body jumped out of surprise, and Desha looked a bit sorry to have frightened you to that extreme, he did not even dare to come any closer. 

“You were not in the dining room, so I went looking for you”, he justified himself.

Damn it was hard for him to deal with you. He never knew on which feet he should stand, as your relationship was so strange. What should have been only for convenience was too intense, and the distance you both put between the two of you was always changing from one minute to another. However, he had not expected to find you like that, looking frightened and… on the verge of crying? 

“Are you doing fine?” He asked you awkwardly. 

He prayed for you to say yes because he had no idea what to do in case you needed any kind of comfort.

“Everything is fine, King Desha”, you quietly answered, getting back control of your nerves, “you are too kind to look for me like this, can I be of any help for you?”

Could you do something now? You already knew you could never win against a demigod without any help. But, if you did nothing, you were risking the consequences. But, he had saved you against the mercenaries. They would have killed you without hesitation without him. Your head was a terrible mess, you felt so sick. 

“What book are you looking for?” He unexpectedly asked you.

“What? I mean…”, you hesitated. 

You were torn between what you had to do, and what you wanted. It was so childish and selfish of you… 

“I wanted to learn more about… my kind”, you finally confessed.

Even if you were hesitating, you looked at Desha directly in his eyes, watching how he would react to it. Could he keep pretending ignorance? Would he be a hypocrite to the point of trying to confront you about it? 

“You will not find anything here”, he taught you. “Here, those are from my own collection.”

He gave you two little old book notes from before. You stared at them, nothing on their front pages was giving away what it was about, but as soon as you opened them, you stumbled upon your kind’s writing and own alphabet. A new emotion surfaced in you, flourishing from your heart to the rest of your body. It was soft and bitter, but so warm.

“Why… would you give me this?” You wondered, your tears even harder to hold in. 

It would have been so much easier for you if he had just kept playing ignorant. But that… It was too unexpected coming from him. Making you wonder what exactly had been his part in that terrible event, ten years ago. 

“It was just taking dust in my library, it will be better cared for in your hands”, Desha just waved with his hand.

You scoffed, half smiling, so typical. You knew him only for a couple of months, however, you already knew his bad habit to disguise his good deeds behind indifference. Still, there was something more around all this. And it was disturbing to see him behave as if he knew nothing of it. But… for now, you were happy about what you found. It made you feel like your folk was still alive as if you were not already a dying species. And maybe… Just maybe… Your husband was really ignorant. 

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, let’s go eat now”, Desha scratched his neck, feeling embarrassed in front of your first genuine smile. 

*

You spent the next few days in an unrested state of mind. You did not know when the next attack against your husband would occur, and you were strangely scared about it. Those thoughts made you feel hypocritical and dirty. The worst was that you felt only better in Desha’s warm embrace. 

Each evening you were grateful to see him come in bed with you, and each new morning the heavy weight in your chest grew even heavier. Sometimes you were that close to preventing him from going to his king’s duty. However, you already knew that even if he was aware of it, he would never turn away from his obligations to his people and kingdom. 

That morning was the worst, you felt sick and queasy. 

“Let’s stay in bed today”, you shamelessly and desperately pleaded to Desha, while holding him in your arms from behind.

You squeezed your head in his back as if you could really prevent him from going away. A part of you was scared that he would turn angry at you, even hate you for being lazy and annoying, but he succeeded in surprising you once again.

“Do you not feel well?” He wondered about turning to touch your front head with his.

Seeing him from that close made you feel embarrassed and hot, but you had nowhere to flee.

“Hmm, you’re quite hot, you should stay in bed, I will send someone to look after you”, he decided, looking bothered.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine!” You tried to convince him, suddenly scared that he was hating you.

“Do not joke with your health, wife”, he insisted. “I would look after you myself if I could, but I have an important meeting in town this morning.”

You lowered your head, defeated. It was too late now. With your doubts and fluctuating attitude, you had succeeded in disgusting the only person who had been genuinely nice toward you in ten long years. A hand gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up again. You noticed Desha’s worried face, a strange smile on his large lips.

“Do not fret, I will come to take care of you as soon as I have finished that task”, he reassured you. “Meanwhile, try to catch up on your reading.”

Your mouth widened in front of that unsuspected turn of events. A warm heat spread in your cheeks and chest, and you back for another second in Desha’s embrace before realising him.

“I will wait for you then, husband.”

He scoffed, his ears as red as your cheeks and finally left the bed. You did not miss a bit of his beautiful naked body while he was going to wash before leaving once he had finished dressing up himself. 

Meanwhile, you sense a bit of remorse as if you had no right to stay lazy like that. But you were not good, your body was heavy, and your belly felt sick. Thankfully, not long after, a nurse came to check on you. Like most of the servants in the castle, he was really kind and soft. He thoughtfully did his job before giving you his conclusion.

“You need to rest, your body is responding to your stress. It’s not too severe for now, but if you keep going on like this your health could really deteriorate.”

“I see…”

What more could you say? That you were stuck between two terrible deaths? That you had to choose between what you had been talking to for ten years, and what you were experiencing for a couple of months? That two young lives were counting on you when you had to sacrifice the one person you unexpectedly fell in love with? That you felt sick simply thinking about the time spent with the one that had wiped out your kind and family?

“I will try my best to rest then”, you finally said with a fake smile.

“Very well, do not hesitate to call me again if you need anything else.”

You silently nodded before seeing him respectfully bowing to you, then leaving the room. Once you were alone again, you tried to relax, but you quickly understood that it would be impossible. At that time, you remembered your husband's command and grabbed the first notebook to start reading it. 

Like that you did not see the time elapsed, stopping only to get a little bit of food until a sudden commotion outside the room drew your attention. You rushed outside the bed and after you had dressed yourself up, you stormed out to catch the first person you could put your hand on.

“What’s going on?” You asked, your worry growing.

“The king had been attacked again!” The servant answered you shakily. 

“Where is he?” You pressed him without a bit of concern for the poor man who looked scared by your attitude. 

“I-In the throne’s room!”

You roughly let go of him to run in the learned direction. On your way, you saw a couple of injured guards heading toward the infirmary supported by others. They looked gloomy and shocked, making you worry even more. 

“How could this happen?” One of the advisors wondered when you entered the throne room.

There were three of them gathered in the middle of the place, their faces were concerned while they were talking.

“It’s as if they knew perfectly well our king’s schedule…”, another guessed. 

“But how could this be possible? We are the only ones to know with the king”, the last one said.

“There’s someone else…”

The implication was enough for them to understand each other, and when they saw you walking beside them, they quickly changed their subject and looked away. You clenched your fists, it was better to ignore them and above all, you were way worried about your husband’s health. 

“Desha?” 

The king was sitting on his throne, playing with his sceptre and a bad look on his face. There was blood on his clothes and his face, but you were too far to see if it was his or not. You froze in front of the stairs, not knowing what you should do. You were sincerely worried about him, but at the same time, you felt so wrong. The advisors were right, it was your fault. You had no right to feel like that…

“Surprised to see me alive?” Desha inquired with a nasty smile.

“Yes”, you fearlessly admitted, “and relieved.” 

When you said the last part, you felt the weight on your chest reduce a bit. Desha easily noticed it,  and as far as you could have been faking it, your face matched your words. It would have been way easier for him to just be convinced of your felony, however, he could feel and see how much you were affected by the situation, and your worry for him was genuine. Nonetheless, it was not the only reason why he was so eager to trust you: it was because of him that you were in that situation. 

“Is that so”, he simply commented before switching to a more playful smile. “Then why don’t you kiss your husband who had to fight to stay alive and come back to his faithful wife?”

You knew that he was playing with you but it did not prevent you from blushing hard. You tried to stay composed, while your pride kicked in, you did not want to give him the pleasure to make a joke of you. 

“Gladly.”

You quickly climbed the stairs with a focused expression to try and ignore the tempest of emotions in your mind. Desha’s glare was daring you to go as far as you could, and you were determined to show him. You stopped for a second in front of him, before sitting down on his knees and kissing his left cheek in front of all the advisors. They all gasped and you noticed your husband’s ears going as red as your skin. You felt a prideful satisfaction that helped ignore your own embarrassment. 

“King Desha-” one of the advisors tried to say something before being interrupted.

“Go out”, the king ordered rashly.

“But-”

A deadly glare was enough to scare them away, and you were both finally left alone in the huge room. Your husband was hiding his face in his right hand since his left one was on your hips. From that place, you could only see his profile, and you noticed some blood on his cheek. 

“What are you doing?” He grumbled when feeling something wiping his face. 

“I was afraid you were injured”, you justified yourself while using your dress sleeve to clean him. 

"I'm not injured, there's no need to ruin your clothes."

"I do not like seeing you injured, even if it's not true", the words slept out of your mouth before you could stop them. And now that you had started, you tried to justify yourself, "I know you have no reason to trust my words…"

You lowered your head, your hand slowly falling down too. But you felt it being caught by Desha's. You gazed at him, his dark eyes were so intense that you found yourself breathless. He took your fingers to his large mouth and softly kissed it before asking in a low voice:

“Do you trust me?”

Your lips shook on a failed attempt at a sentence, however, you could not say a word. The pain in your husband’s eyes took you by surprise, and you wondered for a second when you both had started to matter too much to each other. You quickly buried your head in his neck, avoiding his gaze, fearing that you could not withstand it any longer before giving up everything.

“One day, I hope I will”, you whispered.

Next part

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