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#since i loved creative writing in high school but the first year of college was just crazy insane busy (which is kind of the vibe for my

primehyuck · 8 months

Text

MOVES

aka good things take time (the happy ending version)

word count: 11.3k

i first started writing this because i’ve been listening to the song Moves by Suki Waterhouse on repeat, but it became much more than that

contents: long time best friend!haechan, slice of life, pining and yearning, chronological time jumps (mostly college and young adulthood), other members mentioned (Mark and Jeno!roommates), kissing, fluff, wet dreams, a good example of two people who seriously need to communicate, face sitting, morning sex, lots of pet names

“Do you think we’ll be friends for a long time?” Haechan’s soft voice distracts your attempt to focus on a blade of the blurry ceiling fan, unable to keep you cool despite it spinning so fast you think it might fly away.

“How do you mean?” the bed squeaks when Haechan sits up to lean over you.

“Growing up, I feel like my parents didn’t have many friends aside from each other. My mom told me that it’s because when you get older your priorities change and you realize who adds value to your life, and that’s who you decide to keep.” His eyes are glowing with sincerity, body blocking the flow of air from touching you at all “so when we’re older, and married with kids and other priorities, and we maybe live in different cities, do you think we’ll still be friends?”

You stare at him for a moment before shoving his face out of the way of the fans air stream.

“Definitely,” your confidence soothes him enough that he lays back down “if I ever muster up the creativity to come up with a reason to stop being your friend, you have to swear you’ll tell me how stupid I’m being, swear to me.” you smack his chest before he can even answer.

“I swear!” He smiles to himself, staring up at the ceiling with you, rubbing his hand over the warm spot where your hand made contact, melting into the mattress.

———

Growing up people always joked that Haechan and you would fall in love, that it was inevitable, practical even. Because, if you fall in love with your best friend you’ve already conquered one of the highest mountains - finding someone that you like, and who likes you back.

You had both seen the other in a relationship, an inevitability when you’ve been friends with someone since puberty. He’d cheered you on when you had your first kiss during a game of spin the bottle in high school, forced you to come out on double dates with him and a friend of his you didn’t even like just so he could take someone else out, and freshman year of college he’d even introduced you to the person you'd lost your virginity to.

The only time he cockblocked you was when you tried to get to know any of his friends more than platonically, so eventually you gave up and settled for real friendship with all of them.

“Trust me, you don’t want to touch him with a six foot pole.” He’d said freshman year when you had mentioned your attraction to his roommate, Mark.

“He seems so nice, though.” you pouted

“He is nice, but that doesn’t mean you want to be with him.”

“How would you know what I want?” you scoffed, and he looked at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Has the wind beneath my wings ever led you into the wrong arms?” He was highly animated, offended that you would question his judgment.

By the start of sophomore year it was obvious to everyone else that you were strictly off limits. All of his friends had decided unanimously that even if you did attempt anything with them they had no choice but to shut you down. The cold stare Haechan unknowingly serves them from across the room whenever they got too close was enough to keep them away. None of the boys ever minded the boundaries with you, there always was an ease in your friendship since they all knew it could never go further, but that didn’t mean they never thought about the possibility.

One night, at the end of junior year, Haechan is nowhere to be found at his own party and you graciously accept Jeno’s invitation upstairs when you complain of a headache, “we can play Mario Kart, and it won’t be all competitive like when Haechan plays with us.”

It starts like normal, and you're having fun when you realize that your tipsy brain can’t focus on the screen and the conversation simultaneously, opting for the latter as you relax into Jeno’s pillows. You don’t even notice him inching closer to you until his nose touches yours, tugging at a strand of your hair. This is the first time any of Haechan’s friends have shown interest in you, you’d never even been on the receiving end of a flirtatious stare from across the beer pong table, so you take the reins.

Kissing Jeno feels a little bit like winning, like you’ve finally made it past the invisible forcefield Haechan had put up around his friends. The kiss is lazy and hot, Jeno props himself up on one elbow and presses your back into the mattress with his chest. Your eager fingers run beneath his shirt, his abs tightening when you trail them over his sides. Your spine tingles when he groans into your mouth, the hand on your cheek moving to grip your knee and hike your leg over his hip. His hand holds strong around your thigh, and you sigh when he grinds into you.

Jeno pulls away too soon, stopping your hands reaching for the hem of his shirt with a pained sigh as he drops your leg to roll onto his back, flinging an arm over his eyes.

“Fuck, I should not be doing this with you.”

“Why, you don’t want to?” You want to curl into yourself, sitting up to stare down at his shaking head.

“No, definitely not that.” he pulls his arm away to meet your eyes, the alcohol in his veins making him brave enough to admit “Haechan would be pissed.”

“Haechan?” you question “did he say something to you?” Jeno groans, sitting up and hooking his elbows around his knees, staring at the mattress between his legs.

“No, no. He’s never actually said anything,” he knows he’s revealing too much, but he also knows he’s gone too far to stop “we just know he would never want us to cross that line with you.”

“We?” you can feel embarrassment bubbling in your chest at the idea of all of your friends talking about this.

“Yeah, you know, all the guys. We figured you were just off limits, I don’t know.” he grimaces, looking up at you with apologetic eyes when you don’t respond. You huff and climb off the bed, feeling rejected in more ways than one.

You’d crossed a boundary tonight, but Jeno was still a close friend, someone you’d spent a lot of time with since he met Haechan freshman year. He still knows you, so he grabs your wrist before you can leave, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed so he can stand you between his legs.

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad.” He envelops your hands in his and brings them to his chest.

“I’m not mad,” you mumble, avoiding his apologetic gaze “I’m embarrassed that all of my friends agreed not to touch me.”

“Did you really think not a single one of us was ever interested in you?” you shrug and he squeezes your hands tighter, heart tugging in his chest.

“When people don’t act interested, that’s usually a safe assumption.” you pout and Jeno’s laugh buzzes through your linked fingers "I gave up on all of you halfway through freshman year."

“Well, some of us are better actors than I remember.”

He has you laughing by the time you leave his room, sealing the night with one more self indulgent kiss and a pinky swear to never tell Haechan about what happened.

———

Halfway through the first semester of senior year Haechan bangs angrily on his roommates door before swinging it open and Jeno is genuinely shocked that it's taken this long for the gossip to hit his ears. The rest of the boys had clocked Jeno the next morning for being ‘too happy’ and he had to make them all swear not to tell, wanting to protect your pride and his own friendship with Haechan.

"You slut!" Haechan points an accusatory finger in Jeno's direction, dragging his feet slowly toward him until he's so close Jeno has to bat his hand out of his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Haechan's voice is low and angry, something new and unpleasant sparking in his gut at the idea of Jeno kissing you, touching you.

"No, I don't." Jeno can’t help but antagonize. Pleased with the perfect opportunity to trick Haechan into saying out loud what everyone else seems to have known for years.

"You kissed my best friend!" He shrieks, tossing his hands up in the air dramatically.

"So what, she's not allowed to kiss people?" Haechan squints his eyes at Jeno’s response, scrunching his nose in annoyance “how did you even find out?”

"She can kiss whoever she wants, it's all of you that aren't allowed to kiss her." Haechan waves his hand wildly toward the bedroom door, alluding to the large group of boys living in the house “you know Mark can’t keep a secret, he’s been bursting at the seams for months. All I had to do was ask.”

"It happened forever ago dude, why are you so pissed? You've never even given us a chance to get close to her in that way, maybe one of us could really like her." Jeno reasons, tugging at Haechan's strings, watching the gears in his brain turn as he tries to come up with a real argument.

"She has a boyfriend," Haechan finally says with a frown at the thought of the guy he’d only recently met, he doesn’t like him at all. From his stupid hair to the shoes he wears, there’s not a thing about your new boyfriend that Haechan thinks is good enough for you. He collapses into the gaming chair across from where Jeno is relaxed on the couch, not having moved at all since Haechan stormed in "plus, I think any of you would know by now, you've all known her for four years."

"I think, that it can take a lot longer than four years to realize how much you like someone." Jeno bites, "how long have you known her?"

"Since middle school." He picks at the hole in the knee of his black jeans, realizing what Jeno is alluding to, defensive exterior quickly crumbling.

"Right, I think that if you're blind enough then it can take ten years to realize how much you like someone."

"Well, maybe ten years is too long and that person missed their chance." Haechan turns his head to stare out the window, anxiously spinning the chair side to side.

"You know I'm talking about you, right?"

"God, yes, I know you're talking about me." Haechan glares at his friend, fidgeting stopping abruptly "and I know I've been a complete idiot about it, but like I said, I’m out of time."

———

Haechan can’t stop his free hand from clenching and unclenching as you sob into your pillow, his less angry hand rubbing over your back.

“He told me he saw us moving in together after graduation,” your voice shakes “how do you look someone in the eyes and say shit like that and then sleep with someone else?”

“I don’t know,” Haechan replies earnestly, feeling as helpful as flip flops in the snow from where he sits on the edge of your mattress “I’m so sorry.”

He takes your silence as an invitation, lying on his stomach, face turned toward you, fingers still drawing soothing circles over your shoulder blades. He waits patiently for you to calm down, unease swarming his stomach knowing that even after years of friendship he can’t truly comfort you in this moment.

“I’m so embarrassed.” you sniffle, smearing your face over your pillow before turning to look at him. He holds his breath, waiting for you to collect yourself enough to explain.

“I’m so gullible, he even told me he’s cheated in the past and for whatever reason I believed that he’d treat me differently, that he’d love me enough.” Haechan has to count to five in his head to stay calm before he speaks.

“You have no reason to be embarrassed. The most natural thing you can do is believe someone when they say they love you.” He murmurs, turning onto his side so he can pull you into a hug. When you curl into his body to bury your face in his chest he can only pray you can’t hear his heart pound against his ribs.

“He’s an idiot, and he didn’t deserve any of the love you gave him. I promise, you’re so much better off.”

Haechan hates the piece of himself that’s relieved your relationship has ended. The same piece that hated your ex the minute he met him, that feels heavy in your absence whenever you’re busy with anyone who isn’t him. The piece that crosses it’s fingers whenever you get this close in hopes that you’ll be the first one to cross the line, to finally do what he’s thought about doing for the last few months since he realized exactly how he felt about you.

“Thank you,” you mumble into his tear dampened shirt, lifting your leg over his to cuddle in even closer “thanks for always being my friend, even when I do dumb shit, like let boys be mean to me.”

He nuzzles his nose into your scalp, eyes fluttering shut at the smell of your shampoo “Thanks for letting me. Besides, even Beyoncé got cheated on, so you clearly aren’t that dumb.” the crowd in his brain cheers when you giggle into his chest.

“You’re so annoying.” He holds you even tighter.

———

“I can’t believe it,” your jaw drops and Haechan whips his head up nervously to look at you from across the couch

“What happened?”

“I got it, I got the job!” you shove his feet off your lap to jump up excitedly, bouncing on your toes as you read the email out loud. Haechan’s ears are ringing so loud he barely catches the first half, trying to shake off the dazed look he’s sure appears on his face.

“We were extremely impressed with your resume and even more so with the impression you left on the board during your interview, blah blah blah, excited to offer you this position, blah blah blah, and a relocation bonus to join us in in our new office!” the pitch of your voice rises a few octaves as you finish reading.

Haechan stares at you from his spot on the couch, eyes wide with shock that you’re too excited to notice, skimming your screen as you re-read the details in your offer letter.

His entire body is buzzing, torn between feeling excited at your accomplishment and sorry for himself.

He had a plan, a really good one, he thought. After your breakup you’d made it painfully clear that you wanted to be single for a while, and he knew if he could just be patient, it would all be worth it. So Haechan decided to bottle his feelings up, sitting patiently by your side where he had been for so many years, waiting for you to heal and hoping that when you were finally ready to start dating again he’d have mustered up the courage to make the first move.

“Lee Donghyuck, are you even listening to me!?” you drop your phone to pull him up off the couch, bouncing up and down with your fingers intertwined “I’m moving to my dream city, to start my dream job.” you reiterate and he snaps out of it, sweeping the imaginary shards of glass that his plan had been made out of under the rug and pulling you into a hug.

“That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you.”

“Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.” You deadpan, but squeeze him back just as tight.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to miss you is all.” He admits, "I'd follow you if my job didn't keep me here."

“I’ll make sure you don’t miss me too much, don’t worry.” you plant your cheek on his chest, surprised at the relief you feel in hearing him say it first.

———

This feeling was still a little unfamiliar, nerves. Haechan had never made you nervous growing up; excited, annoyed, passionate maybe, but never nervous.

The nerves began last summer, when he’d come out to visit you for the first time to celebrate his birthday. It was the longest you’d gone without seeing each other since you’d met, almost ten full months and the anticipation was palpable.

When he steps through the airport doors you think that it’s the relief of finally being near him again that knocks the wind out of you. Running into his open arms and being squeezed so tightly in them that you tap his shoulder to let you breathe. Ruffling his hair when he steps back and ignoring the fact that he had grown so much since you’d seen him last.

But as the night goes on, the slight changes to the person you have memorized become glaringly obvious. The way his cheeks have lost some of their cushion, revealing a sharp jaw and pointed cheekbones. The natural wave in his once unruly hair now falling perfectly over his brow bone, he had dyed it a little darker which made his tan skin glow even in dim lighting. Even his smell seemed to draw you into a trance, a much more expensive version of the Haechan you know.

“You know, that group of girls has been staring over at you since we walked in.” You raise your eyebrows playfully, pointing your glass toward the pretty gaggle that keeps walking past the booth you and Haechan occupy.

He doesn’t break eye contact with you before shrugging, “I didn’t come here to see them, I came to see you.” he smiles, punctuating his thought by reaching over the table and tapping your nose.

“I know, I know,” you laugh, batting him away “It never hurts to know when people are staring, though”

His face is unreadable as he rests his arm lazily up over the bench of the booth, body sinking into the seat while he lifts his glass to swirl his drink, biting the words that have been resting on the tip of his tongue the entire trip, and at the end of every phone call since you started your new job.

“How are you, seriously.” You push. In the time since you moved he’d started and ended a relationship with a girl that you’d never met. Your new job kept you so busy that you hadn’t even learned about the breakup until a week later, when you finally had the time to call him back. The guilt of your absence weighs you down, resenting your inability to be there for him the way he had been for you in the past.

“I’m over it, seriously.” You know he’s telling the truth, but it’s in your nature to pry.

“You never really talked about, why, you know.”

“Do I have to?”

“No, I’m sorry, I just feel so behind on your life.” You sigh and push your empty glass to the side, swirling your finger in the ring of cold water it leaves behind.

“It’s okay, really. You’ve been busy, I understand.” He reaches across the table to stop your anxious fingers “I didn’t love her the way I knew I should, that’s all. It’s a good thing that it ended, and I’m happy that it did.”

“That’s all that matters, then.” and he’s grateful that you drop the subject.

You eventually get back to your apartment, both giggly and flush from the alcohol still fogging your brain despite the long walk you'd hoped would lessen it. Haechan holds your hand the whole way back, even when he stops suddenly to pet a dog, dragging you down to the ground with him. He can’t help himself, grateful that at this point you'd touched one another in every way other than what he dreams about most, and you seem oblivious to his need to be so close to you.

As you get ready for bed he lets himself watch you undress facing the wall away from him, unaware of his gaze burning into your backside and the way his fingers tingle at the thought of pulling at the meat of your hips. He scolds his heart for thudding so loud when you squeeze your eyes into a smile at his reflection standing next to yours at the sink while you brush your teeth, the domestication of your friendship that he used to appreciate now suffocating him.

You put on a movie and invite him to rest his head on the pillow in your lap, wishing he could bury his nose into the skin of your thighs beneath it. Halfway through the movie he has to sit up to hide the way his cock is hardening at the feeling of your nails combing through his hair and down his shoulder, occasionally thrumming over his chest. He pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and tosses it over his legs as casually as possible, pulling you into his side by your shoulder, the other arm stretched across the back of the couch.

"Are you cold for the first time in your life?" Haechan never wants to use a blanket, but you’re grateful for the position giving you access to bury your face into his chest, gripping his shirt.

"No, just want to be warmer." he presses a blushing cheek onto the top of your head, trying to think of anything except the way your hair smells, or the feeling of the side of your breast brushing his wrist through your shirt. Haechan feels eighteen again and like he's discovering the connection between romantic and sexual feelings for the first time in his life. He tries to match his breathing to yours, holding his breath whenever you shift in his hold and reconnecting his stomach with your back as quickly as possible. The temptation to pour his heart out is overwhelming, but when he feels your body completely relax into his and your breathing slow down, the words become trapped in his throat, so he lets you sleep.

Haechan had never experienced a shorter 48 hours than that weekend he spent following you around the city you now call home.

You’re shining in your new space, and he happily trails behind you to all the places you’ve discovered in the almost year since you moved. His stomach does somersaults whenever you point something out that reminds you of him.

“I’ve been waiting to come here until you could come with me!” you're so excited to take him to the video game themed coffee shop that your co-workers had recommended “I thought about coming to see if it was even worth it, but I only want to play these kinds of games with you anyway.”

Sometimes he can forget about his feelings for you, when things are just as they always have been. You talk with and touch him the same, laugh at his jokes the same. He thinks that if he were to ever say out loud what he’s been feeling, that the two of you would still be the same but with a little More, ‘you guys’ but on steroids. So when everything is normal he can pretend like it‘a not. He can act like the More is there when you hold his hand to drag him around to the different machines, play games he wants to play even if you don’t want to, you even wipe ice cream off of his chin when his cone starts to melt because he’s talking too much to eat and he wonders why it took him so long to see it this way, and if you could too.

He keeps thinking the moment will come, when he’ll know spilling his guts to you is the right thing to do. But between you gushing over how much you love your new life and your willingness to point out every girl who has blinked at him this weekend, he completely loses the steam he’d gained during his flight, regardless of how his imagination runs wild with the More.

He curses himself the entire weekend for his lack of bravery, hoping that keeping his feelings in is the right decision. After his recent relationship crashed and burned because of his feelings for you he thought he had no choice but to come clean. But watching you, being with you in your new life makes him realize that his role in it hasn’t changed even if his feelings for you have.

The lump in his throat as he stands outside the departure doors is more than just sadness at the thought of leaving you, it’s the realization that he has to let the romantic idea of you go.

“How come you never cry when we have to leave each other,” you hiccup into his chest, and he coos your name lovingly.

“Don’t worry, you know I save my tears for the plane to make everyone in my row uncomfortable.” He knows that you hate that he’s making you laugh at a time like this, pulling away so you can swat his chest and he raises his hands in surrender.

“When will we be able to see each other again?”

“As soon as possible.” He nods reassuringly, wiping your tears with his thumb, heart pounding as he stares into your watering eyes “hey, you’re my best friend in the world, you annoy me every day, and I love you.”

“Whatever, I love you too.” you laugh, but his heart speeds up at the words that you’ve said to him thousands of times. You sweep your arms around him one last time before pushing him toward the airport doors “you better go, if you miss your flight I can’t guarantee I’ll let you leave at all.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He walks backwards slowly, staring at you with a ‘kicked puppy’ kind of face he mastered years ago and you wave enthusiastically, blowing loud kisses into the air that he catches and clutches to his heart.

“This is it,” he thinks, “this has to be it.”

———

Haechan is dreaming about you. He has been nightly ever since he got back from his birthday weekend. He’s grateful the dreams have variety, since some of them overwhelm him to the point of waking up and not being able to fall back asleep.

Sometimes, you’re young again and whenever anyone says “You know, it’s just a matter of time until one of you has a crush on the other.” you both theatrically gag, laughing at each other as if it were the most insane idea in the world. Or, you're sitting on his childhood couch watching your guys' favorite movie for the hundredth weekend in a row, vocalizing the parts of the two main characters and recreating all the best scenes.

Sometimes you’re at his apartment just hanging out together, which are dreams that feel so real he almost expects to see you in his kitchen when he wakes up. Most of these dreams spark a deja vu laced flame in his gut so deep he finds himself confusing them with memories. The ache of missing you wakes him up before his alarm some mornings, and he finds himself face timing you once he knows you're awake just to watch you make coffee and wash your face.

But sometimes, he has dreams that make him feel so ashamed he can barely text you back in the morning. Dreams where he reaches to touch you and you let him, where you tug at his hair and moan his name while he does all the things that he can only do to you in his sleep. He hates to say that these are his favorite, but it's the one dream he knows he'll never actually achieve and he goes to bed every night praying for them.

That’s the kind of dream he’s having when his phone buzzes him awake. He answers without looking because there are only a handful of people who can reach him when he’s on ‘do not disturb’, and you’re one of them. He hums a sleepy greeting into his phone, putting it on speaker next to his pillow and nearly drifting right back into the dream and between your thighs.

“Donghyuck” his eyes shoot open at the sound of your voice “did i wake you up?”

He can practically hear the pout in your voice, squinting at the time on his phone, “Yes, it’s three in the morning,” he stares down to where he’s half hard, running an embarrassed hand over his face even though there’s no possible way for you to know “are you okay?”

“No, well technically yes but I miss you which means things could be better.” you slur your words and Haechan smiles, somehow he's never annoyed that you call him pretty much every time you drink. He thinks it's because he's familiar with this version of you, though he definitely hasn't seen it often since college graduation. This version of you loves him hard, and is never afraid to say it.

"I miss you too," he takes a beat before adding "I was dreaming about you just now."

You gasp excitedly "Really! What were we doing." He smirks at the thought of telling you that you had been sitting on his face, hand reaching back for his cock while he guides your cunt over his tongue until you were shaking above him.

"Just, hanging out." he shrugs. It's his second time this week alone dreaming of your clit bumping his nose, and the thought makes his mouth water.

"I don't believe you." You say accusingly "that's way too boring for a mind like yours to dream up."

"What exactly is my mind like?" He yawns, throwing his forearm over his eyes.

"Oh, you know," you hum "your mind is a galaxy, with at least a billion planets and twice as many stars. I wish I could fly into your head and explore it, but NASA doesn't have the funds."

Haechan holds his breath at your compliment, the smile on his face so wide he can hear it in his own voice "That sounds like an episode of Magic School Bus."

"Your brain is definitely cooler than some cartoon, it's pretty much my favorite place on Earth."

"How would you know, you've never actually been inside?" He shakes his head, teasing you gently. Hearing words like these come out of your mouth breaks his heart and glues it back together at the same time.

"Are you saying you never think about me?" you ask him, not an ounce of sarcasm in your voice.

"I think about you all the time, I promise, all the planets in my brain are shaped like you." You hum, pleased with his response. He shuts his eyes and waits for your answer.

"Yeah, all the planets in mine are shaped like you, too." you pause for a second and add "plus all the stars, I win, I think about you more."

———

This time when Haechan comes to visit you, you know the nerves are more than just excitement at seeing your best friend. It’s a feeling that is nestled so deep in your stomach it makes you a little nauseous. You haven't seen him since you went home for the holidays and he only has one night in the city. You find yourself grueling over your reflection in the mirror, not used to being self conscious in front of him. You’re only going out for happy hour, but you put yourself together to last all night.

When Haechan finally arrives he whistles lowly, making you blush when he pulls out of your hug and requests a spin.

“I appreciate that you got so dressed up for me.” He teases, hoping you don’t catch his eyes sweeping over your legs, wanting to commit you in this dress to memory.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you roll your eyes as if you hadn’t spent the last two hours making sure you looked as perfect as possible. Hoping he doesn’t see the pile of clothes shoved into your closet from all the failed attempts.

“Never,” he grabs your purse off of the counter and opens the door, sweeping his arm out in front of him dramatically “after you. There are some strangers outside who are waiting to catch a glimpse of you, they just don’t know it yet.”

“You are so dramatic.” You lock the door behind you, using the moment facing away from him to collect yourself. Lately you catch yourself wondering if he'd always been so flirtatious, or if you're just forcing meaning behind his words because of how badly you want him to be.

“What, a guy can’t compliment his best friend?”

You smile widely at him and grab your bag out of his grasp, popping your key inside and walking toward the entrance of your building. Praying your fingers stop shaking when you finally get a drink in you. Haechan throws his arm around your shoulders while you walk down the street to your favorite cocktail bar and you're grateful for his usual chatter, talking to you about work and his slow climb up the ladder.

“They put me in a hotel this time, so you don’t have to worry about making me breakfast in the morning.” He smiles at you, sipping his drink gingerly.

“You know I never cook you breakfast.” He feels so far away across the table and you wish that you were sitting next to him instead, shoulders cold without the weight of his arm around them. It feels so good to have him touch you, to feel like you're his. There's a small part of you that feels guilty for using his knack for physical affection to your advantage, he has no idea what the heat of his skin on yours does.

“I know, but all the meetings are in the hotel anyway so it’s easier this time to just stay there.”

You try not to let yourself visibly deflate at the news, wanting to keep him for yourself the whole time he’s in town. His knee presses against yours under the table and you focus all your energy into acting the way you would have before, but you can’t focus on anything else and cross your legs to pull away from him as casually as possible. As badly as you want to touch him, sometimes you can’t.

“What time do you have to be up?”

He groans, leaning back enough that his knee now slides against your shin, “too early,” and glances down at his now empty glass, motioning to the bartender for another “which means you need to drink faster, so I can stop at a reasonable hour.”

You smile, downing the rest of your drink in one gulp, when his foot taps against yours you know it's going to be a long night.

The end of the night finds you together on your couch with a shared bottle of wine sitting empty on the coffee table, his early meetings temporarily forgotten. You and Haechan have been in this position plenty of times, drunk, slap happy and overly touchy in a way that you had always been comfortable being with one another. The difference now is you, this version of you who wants your best friend in an entirely different way.

Every time he pulls you closer you feel electricity shoot straight to your heart so intensely that you have to duck out of his grasp. You don’t know what to do with the feelings that have been growing gradually from your toes up, now practically sprouting out of your scalp with a neon sign blinking “I’m in love with you” over and over.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Haechan whines when you all but flinch away from his hand reaching for his phone near your arm. He’d been aware of it all night, the space you left between the two of you while you walked back from the bar, your sudden inability to maintain the eye contact that he craved. The complete lack of physical touch makes him feel dejected.

“Doing what?” You give him a panicked look, practically sober at the thought of being found out, of what it would feel like to be rejected by him.

“You’re not letting me touch you,” he frowns, and the alcohol buzzes through your veins again “not that you need to let me, but you only avoid it like this when you’re upset. Did I do something?” he pouts, tired eyes low when he flops his head onto his bicep resting on the back of the couch. You forget to breathe for a second when he looks up at you under dark lashes.

“I’m not upset. I wasn’t doing it on purpose.” you’re lying through your teeth, but scoot an inch closer to him to make your point. He doesn’t look convinced, and if you’d had less to drink you may have noticed the mischievous glint in his eye before he grabs you by your arm, knocking you off balance and into his chest.

“See,” he sighs happily, wrapping his arms around your body and you can feel his chest buzz when he hums, cheek pressed to the top of your head. You have no choice but to ungracefully shift your lower body closer to him, making yourself a sponge and soaking in his familiar touch “isn’t that better?”

You nod, “Yes, it is better.” and you really wish he didn’t know you so well, that even in his fifth hour of being drunk he can read your mind. He pulls your ear off his heart to grab your cheeks, smushing them together and whispering your name with a shake of his head.

“What is it?” he urges, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist to loosen his grip. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and count to three in your head before you can talk yourself out of leaning forward and pressing your lips to his.

You feel him falter for a half second before he’s kissing you back, pulling your face closer and pushing his body toward yours. You can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in your ears when his tongue touches yours, and then suddenly his mouth is gone. He moves so quick you have to put your arms out to stop yourself from face planting into the cushion he had just been sitting on.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” you gasp “i shouldn’t have done that, Haechan, I’m so sorry.”

It takes everything in you to look up to where he’s now standing with his arms crossed over his chest protectively. You have no idea what he’s thinking, staring down at you with wide eyes. Insecurity sweeps through you under his intense gaze, and you almost beg him to say something.

“I’m seeing someone,” the way the confession rings in your ears would have you believing that he screamed the words, but his voice was barely above a whisper “shit, I’m sorry.”

You aren’t sure if it’s your life that flashes before your eyes, or your years of friendship with him, at this point the two tend to blur together.

“That’s-” you sit back on your calves and inhale shakily, knowing it’s not even worth it to attempt to fake any sort of excitement for him “why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugs, swallowing thickly and pulling his eyes away from your face to stare at the ceiling “It’s new and I didn’t know how. It just never came up.”

“Well then, I’m sorry that it didn’t. I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me.” grateful that he’s finally the one avoiding eye contact with you so he doesn’t see your legs wobble when you stand “probably best to pretend that never happened. I’m just drunk and I missed you-”

Your name sounds so pathetic when he says it this time and you think it’s the eighth wonder of the natural world that you haven’t started crying yet. You shake your head instead, wishing so desperately that you had changed out of the dress you were wearing as you pull the slinky material down your thighs.

“Honestly, Haechan,” You regret your next words before they even hit the air “you should probably go. You have an early morning.”

The shock on his face pains you, but you can’t stand to see what you can only assume is pity growing in his eyes for another second.

“I don’t want to go, I want to talk about this.”

“I’m sorry.” you say again and his shoulders slump in defeat, recognizing that you’d made up your mind.

“It’s okay.” He means it, shuffling forward and the look on your face is nearly enough to bring him to his knees. His breath catches when you shift away the inch he moved toward you, eyes locked on his and he can see the desperation in them before he hears it in your voice.

“Text me when you get to the hotel?” your voice cracks with a heavy mix of exhaustion and embarrassment that makes him nods once, grabbing his things and walking slowly toward your door. He turns to look at you, but his words catch in his throat when he sees your eyes begin to water, mustering up all his energy to offer what he prays is a reassuring smile before letting himself out.

You sink back into the couch when the door clicks shut, head hanging in your hands as the tears finally start to flow. You cry so hard you feel like you could throw up, replaying his rejection over and over in your mind, shame and regret coursing through your veins. Pure embarrassment heats your body at the look on his face when he told you he was seeing someone, and you’re not sure if it was disgust or pity in his eyes.

On top of the rejection, knowing that he didn’t feel like he could share something as big as meeting someone with you was a dagger to the heart, up until recently you had never kept a secret from him, and even this one you clearly couldn’t keep in for long.

You force yourself into the shower, scrubbing angrily at your skin under the scalding water. You get out once your fingers have pruned and your skin feels raw, avoiding the mirror on your way to your bedroom. You kick angrily at the dress you'd left on the floor, watching it land near the pile of outfits you had discarded while getting ready.

Haechan had texted you nearly thirty minutes earlier

“made it back”

you give it a thumbs up before turning your phone off, setting an alarm with the clock on your side table and letting the emotional exhaustion lull you to sleep.

------

Haechan is realizing that there is no way in hell that you need space more than he needs to talk to you. He tries to call you multiple times the first week after you kissed him but you never answered, and Haechan doesn’t want to push you to the point of no return. What he really wants is to go back in time and not leave you that night, but the pain in your eyes was so pronounced he couldn't bare to make it any worse. The only physical proof that you had kissed him at all being the stupid blue thumbs up on the text he had sent you that night. It's followed by a slew of reassuring texts, saying that he broke up with his girlfriend and if you would please just talk to him, that he's not mad.

This is the feeling he carries with him nearly two weeks later on the flight to you, when he’s sure that another minute of silence from you will kill him. By the time he gets to your apartment it’s almost midnight, so he knocks loud enough to wake you up.

When you open the door in a shirt he thinks might be his, Haechan knows he has no choice. He's speaking before you can say anything, before he can change his mind.

"I came here to tell you that I think you're being really stupid." He curses internally for the obvious nerves in his voice, your tired eyes widen with shock at his words.

"Excuse me?"

"Years ago you made me swear that I would tell you if you ever came up with a reason not to be my friend anymore. So I'm telling you now, I think you're being really fucking stupid."

"I'm not doing that" You defend yourself, tearing up at the sight of him. He pushes into your apartment, shutting the door behind him and standing close enough to touch. He’s staring you down with pleading eyes, and you bury your face in your hands so you don’t have to look at him.

“Then why are you ignoring me? Why won’t you let me fix this?”

“I don’t know I just,” you inhale shakily “I don't know how to do it right now, not like this."

"Like what?" He hopes he already knows the answer, but needs to hear you say it, to know that you’re as serious as he is. Your mouth feels full of cotton when he forces you to look at him by whispering your name, pulling your hands from your face and his heart pinches tightly at the tears welling in your eyes "please tell me, please. Like what?"

"You already know," your bottom lip betrays you, voice weak beneath heavy emotion when you speak "I love you, Haechan. I'm in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I fucked everything up, but I can’t undo it."

He feels his lungs fill with relief. Haechan steps forward to close the small gap between your bodies, grabbing your jaw to rest his forehead against yours. You falter, but his hand on the small of your back keeps you from going anywhere, he's practically panting and you can barely stand, dizzy with the feeling of him. You want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming when he whispers "You didn't fuck anything up."

He ghosts his lips over yours for a moment until he's sure you're not going to stop him. When he finally kisses you it's with years of pent up adoration, directing your arms around his neck and pressing his thumb firmly into your jaw, long fingers wrapping around the side of your throat. He practically whines when your fingers tighten in his hair and your lips part for his warm tongue. His arm wraps around your waist so tightly you have to hinge backward to keep your mouths connected, gasping at the strength you didn't know he had.

He keeps your stomach flush to his own and kisses you until you're practically limp in his arms, pulling away to breathe. His eyes are shut as he rubs his nose over yours

"I love you, too. I've been meaning to tell you for a while." All the blood rushes into your ears at his words and you can't stop your biggest worry from spilling into the air.

“What if you change your mind?”

“I made up my mind a long time ago, there's nothing you could do to change it." He blinks his eyes open, pulling his face away from yours just enough to see you, the trepidation in your eyes makes him say your name quietly.

"It's only me, you know me," he assures you in a hushed tone "you have to know by now that you are my entire world."

You could laugh, only him, as if he hasn’t been one of the most important people in your life since the day you met. As if he isn’t someone who has seen you at every stage of it so far. It’s Haechan, who has always been funny, who has witnessed the worst sides of you and never made you feel bad, who has never left your side.

You kiss him again, fingers wrapping in tight fists around his shirt to keep yourself grounded. Haechan’s heart pounds happily in his chest and he hopes you can feel it this time, both hands nestling into your hair. He kisses you gently in an effort to slow down your urgent movements, moaning at the taste of your mouth. You fall into his rhythm easily, the way his tongue rolls gently over yours makes your body go up in flames. You move your hands to slide beneath his shirt, landing on the strong muscles in his back and teasing your fingers up his sides.

When you finally come up for air he stares at you for a minute before laughing, stomach tightening beneath your fingers when he does.

"What's funny?" you shut your eyes, leaning your forehead into his chest, letting the pretty sound ring in your ears.

"Nothing, I'm just-" he cuts himself off with a shrug, nuzzling his nose into the crown of your head "I love you, and you love me back. That's all, that's how easy it is."

"It hasn't been easy at all, in fact my life has been very very hard since your birthday last year.” He pulls away from your head to ogle at you.

"My birthday last year?" You nod, feeling your cheeks flush under his intense gaze, it had really been that long "God, I'm sorry I'm such a fucking idiot."

He's kissing you again before you can ask him to elaborate, grabbing hold of both wrists in one hand while he walks you backward and guides you up onto the counter as slowly as he has to in order to keep his lips on yours. His hips are the perfect height for you to wrap your legs around, gasping in surprise when he slides his hands around your ass and presses your core tightly against the growing bulge in his jeans.

You feel shy when you pull away to ask if he wants to go to your bedroom, feeling frozen in place when he stares at you with half lidded eyes, his plump lips swollen and red.

"Tonight, I'm just kissing you." Every cell in his body is screaming in protest at his own words. He can't express how badly he wants to do everything else, to recreate his dreams, to learn the parts of your body he'd never seen before. But he can't imagine doing anything but this tonight, just this; his lips on yours, your breath in his lungs and your body melting into his.

"Why?” your eyebrows pull together in confusion. You practically shiver with need, tucking your arms between your stomachs and burying your nose in his throat. His laugh buzzes against your face, rubbing his hands gently over your shoulders and trying to control his own breathing as your lips brush over his skin.

All he can say is, “Because I’ve been needing to for a long time.”

“How long?” You pull away from his chest, leaning back onto your hands and closing your eyes when he runs his own down your sternum and over your waist, groping at the flesh of your hips and trying not to regret his romantic side.

“Way too long.”

“Your birthday?” you ask, tugging gently at his shirt. He plants his hands outside of your legs to lean in close, one corner of his mouth pulling up.

“Much longer.” Your eyes widen in shock, and he interrupts you before you can question him “can we talk about it later? I have something really important to do tonight.”

———

He tells you that he's had feelings for you since senior year of college, when you kissed Jeno. He tells you about his plan to admit everything when he had seen you on his birthday, but that he was too scared. He assures you he ended his relationship the moment he got back home the previous week “because everyone has felt like a matter of 'when' it will end, not 'if',” He tells you that just two weeks of your silence hurt worse than any previous heartbreak, and you agree. And before you fell asleep next to him he tells you again, ‘I'm so in love with you.’ and shimmies excitedly when you say it back before kissing you until you can barely keep your eyes open. He holds your cheeks in his hands and practically lulls you to sleep with his tongue, plush lips pressing to yours so gently you can hardly feel them dotting around the rest of your face. He thinks he could do this forever before sleep finally catches up with him, his arm slung over your side to hold your face to his chest.

You wake up curled into a familiar side, your first emotion being giddy as the night floods back to you. Despite your obvious willingness to go further, Haechan had meant it when he said he'd only be kissing you. It made you crazy at first, but when the two of you were staring at each other in the mirror with shy eyes while moving through a nighttime routine you had gotten familiar with years before, you were happy he had the self control you clearly lack. The idea of him actually seeing and touching you in ways he never had before, of doing all the things you'd found yourself imagining him doing over the last year; it was overwhelming. Kissing until your jaw was sore and your lips were swollen felt easy.

You’re startled by Haechan’s hand reaching for yours, holding your palm and bringing your fingers to his lips to press a kiss to each one, “good morning.” his voice is deep and tired, mouth landing on the crown of your head.

"Good morning." You press your nose into his chest happily, gripping his hand in yours and resisting the urge to squeal with delight.

"What are you so excited about, me?" He teases, hand falling on your thigh to guide your leg up the front of his, stopping just below his crotch and you hope he's going to give you what you'd been wanting all night, for the last year.

"You, I just can't believe how happy I am." You admit, lifting your head off of his chest to smile at him. He pulls you right back down, kissing your lips once before rolling you both over so he's on top of you. He presses a hand over your collarbone and drags his lips down your chin and over your throat.

"You know, this means you're all mine now." he smirks against your neck when you nod, gasping when he sucks gently at the base. He has one forearm on the mattress, the other hand too gentle on your ribs. You can feel that he's hard and you immediately roll your hips up.

"Does this mean you're gonna do more than just kiss me now?" you intend to sound confident, but it comes out as a whimper. His nose brushes over your jaw before he presses lingering kisses to your chin and cheek.

"Yes, baby, if you'll let me." You nod eagerly, shifting your face so your lips are beneath his and sighing happily when he lowers his weight onto your torso, licking into your mouth. You shiver with anticipation when he pushes at your shirt, long fingers tickling up your side before landing on your breast. You gasp into his mouth when his thumb brushes over your already hard nipple.

Your impatience is overwhelming, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it up to his shoulders. He pulls away reluctantly, reaching one hand toward his back and pulling his shirt over his head. You gnaw at your lip, running your hands over his stomach and hooking your knees around his hips as much as you can while stretching your arms over your head.

“Cute.” he murmurs, pulling your shirt up and tossing it to the side. He gropes at your chest, tongue wetting his lips before he leans down to wrap them around one of your nipples. He’s trying to act without thinking, to let the dreams he’s had pave the path down your body because he knows the second he acknowledges his nerves he won’t be able to shake them off. His heart thrums when you gasp above him, arching your chest into his mouth. He’s greedy for your sounds, his hands squeezing your breasts together and licking between them to get to the other nipple. When your hips buck up into his he groans, pulling away from your chest and staring down at you with wondering eyes.

“Can I?” He feels unnaturally shy, leaning back on his calves and watching his fingers press dimples into the flesh of your hips above your underwear, tugging at the hem.

“You don’t need to ask.” He smiles, forcing you to sit by grabbing the back of your neck for a kiss. His fingers press into your clothed core and your hips roll into his hand. He sighs into your mouth at your desperation, torn between teasing you and touching you everywhere.

You can’t keep your legs from shutting around his arm when he pushes your panties to the side and slides his middle and ring finger up your wet center, circling over your clit.

You pull away from the kiss, blinking up at him and your mouth falls open when he presses firmly on your clit, rubbing in slow circles. His head hangs as he lets out a quiet “fuck” at your reaction, moving his hand off your neck to stroke over your stomach and without it behind your head you have to lie back, he presses your legs open. Haechan stares at your chest while he settles between your knees, pushing two fingers inside your dripping core. His jaw hangs open, watching his knuckles disappear inside of you.

“So soft,” he breathes, staring down to where his fingers glisten when he pulls them out to rub over your clit again, palming over his cock getting harder in his sweats “want to be everywhere at once.”

“Want you everywhere.” you whine when his fingers pull away to hook into your underwear, tugging them down your legs. Haechan stands to strip and you hold your breath and soak in the soft swell of his hip that leads to where his cock hangs heavy between his legs. It’s pretty like the rest of him, and thicker than you'd expected with a leaking tip that matches the color of his tongue, he strokes himself once and you don’t get the chance to reach for him before he lays back on the bed, rolling you to sit on top of him. You shudder when your pulsing clit rubs over his stomach, inner thigh squeezing into his ribs. He runs his hands up your waist, scooting you an inch higher and grabbing onto your tits.

“Do you remember a few months ago, when you called me drunk and I told you I was dreaming about hanging out with you?” He shivers when you grind down in response, wet pussy sliding easily over his skin “I lied.”

Your hands press into his chest, tilting your head “what were we doing?” you can barely speak above a whisper when he pinches gently at your nipple with one hand, the other rubbing over your ribs when he smirks up at you.

“You were about a foot higher than you are right now,” you gasp and reach out to grab the headboard when he jolts his hips to move you up his chest, staring down at him with wide eyes as he shifts to wrap his arms under your legs, fingers pressing into your thighs.

“You dreamt about this?” you let him bring your hips to hover over his face, hands falling into his hair when he brushes his nose over your clit as he nods.

“All the time,” he moans and drags you down onto his face, lips wrapping around your clit. You shudder above him, letting some of your weight collapse into your heels and he groans happily at the pressure of you on his chin, pressing you harder onto his mouth to fuck his tongue into you. He wants to devour you, every sound you make goes straight to his cock which is already rock hard at the taste and smell of you. Even just thinking about the fact that it's your hips grinding over his face right now is enough to make him moan into your pussy.

You slur out praise, one of your hands shooting up to grip the headboard. His hands wander gently up your sides, eyes opening to stare up to where he plays with your tits, hard cock pulsing at the sight of your head thrown back, hips moving in gentle circles over his face. Haechan’s hand tugs yours down to his hair, trying to restrain himself from thrusting into the empty air at the feeling of you all over him. He hums happily into your pussy when you start to grind over his mouth, flattening his tongue for you to ride until your legs are shaking.

He lets out a deep “mmhmm” when you warn him that you’re going to cum, suckling hard on your clit until you’re practically begging him to let you go, body crumpling forward with both hands tangled in his hair. He's grateful you didn't touch his cock, just the thought of your fingers wrapped around him is enough to make him cum and he has other plans.

You can’t speak when you collapse onto the mattress beside him, immediately warmed by the weight of his body on top of yours as he slots himself between your thighs, sucking a hickey onto the front of your throat.

“Taste too fucking good,” he hums, mouthing over your chin and cheek “been dreaming of eating your sweet pussy for so long.” you practically swoon when he kisses you, pre-cum wetting the inside of your thigh when he relaxes his stomach onto yours.

“Hyuck, want you in me, please” Your vision is blurry, whining into his swollen lips. He works them over your cheek before pulling away from you, bringing one of your legs up to his shoulder and you rest the other knee on his hip. He can feel himself pant when he taps the head of his cock on your swollen clit, practically drooling when he sticks barely the tip inside before pulling back and repeating the tantalizing motion.

“Been waiting for too long to be teased,” you pout, trying to encourage his hips toward yours with the ankle he’s not pressing his cheek into. He smirks and circles his leaking tip over you again, watching his cock spread your arousal around before he pushes into you a little further.

“I’m taking my time with you, feels so fucking good.” He can’t look away from between your thighs, messy hair hanging over his forehead while his fingers grip your ankle tightly. You whimper when he pulls all the way out again, one more hard tap against your pulsing clit before he pushes himself halfway into your leaking pussy. You rise onto your elbows, trying to reach one hand to grab for his hip but he releases the base of his cock to stop you by lacing your fingers together. When Haechan finally looks into your eyes he bottoms out, stretching your leg toward your chest so he can lean in. His hips stutter, a choked groan rumbling deep in his chest.

“Oh my god, Hyuck please.” you beg him to move with a gasp. His forehead presses to your chin, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Fuck, baby, been needing you," he thrusts into you slowly, lifting his head to look down at you glowing beneath him with your eyes shut. He pulls out all the way before thrusting back inside, quickening his hips when your eyes flutter open, the look on your face enough to make his balls tighten slightly, shutting his eyes to regain self control "knew you'd feel so fucking good."

"M’so full, Haechan." you moan at his words and the rapid slap of his hips on the back of your thighs, forcing your eyes to stay open so you can see his face. The way his nose scrunches with focus when he pulls away from your chest, both his hands wrapping firmly around your hips while he watches his cock sink into you. Brown, shaggy hair sticks to his damp forehead, full lower lip taken between his teeth. He’s pure, unadulterated boyish beauty, and he’s all yours.

You squeak when he lets your leg drop off his shoulder, pressing your thigh as far open as it will go with your heel digging into his backside. He fans his fingers over your lower stomach, thumb reaching down to push your clit side to side and your hips tuck up for more pressure, Haechan moans loudly when the movement causes you to clamp around his cock, "Perfect fucking pussy, can't believe it's mine now. Like my fingers on your pretty clit?”

You nod enthusiastically, letting go of your breasts to hold the backs of your thighs, Haechan's eyes move up your body to stare at your chest move beneath him, nipples looking sweet as candy. He’s dying to sink his fingers into the softest part of your stomach, the way you’re moving for him makes his mind turn to sand. You stare down to where his thumb is making circles over your clit, perfectly timed with the head of his cock bruising your g-spot. You feel a second orgasm build and the corner of his mouth pulls up proudly when your legs shake. Your head hangs back as you gasp for air, "yes, please, Haechan feels so fucking good."

"Make the prettiest noises for me, want you cumming all over my cock." he leans forward just enough to trap your throat beneath the weight of his palms, other hand still moving over your swollen clit. You smile at the pressure of his body on yours, eyes fluttering shut while you moan. You nod desperately when he asks if you can do that, "if you can let me make you feel that good, please, my pretty girl."

He takes his hand off your throat when you cum, wanting to hear every sound you could possibly make. You repeat his name like a blessing that has him cumming with you, moaning and breathless as his hips start to slow, milking you both through your orgasms.

You wrap your arms around him when he pulls out of you, reveling in the feeling of him when he lowers himself down, burrowing his face into your neck and warming your skin with his breath. You hold him there for a minute until he pulls his head up, dopey smile lighting up his eyes and making you laugh.

“What?” you scrunch your nose at him “better than your dreams?”

He nods, “so much better, best I ever had, my body belongs to you now.” he smirks at his own words, but his tone is so gentle he can’t even call it a joke.

“Just your body?” you tease, and he leans his nose onto your lips for a kiss that you carry onto the mole under his eye.

“Body, mind, heart, soul,” he sighs happily when you cup his cheeks in your hands, kissing him gently “all the planets in my head.”

"All the planets in my head too."

————

masterlist

authors note // this ended up being much longer than i anticipated, maybe the longest one shot i’ve ever actually written! i appreciate everyone who voted for happy ending because when i was originally thinking of a sad ending it was too hard lol. this feels forever unfinished because there is so much good to this version of haechan, i adore him.

#haechan #haechan fanfiction #haechan smut #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct dream fanfiction #nct dream smut #nct 127 fanfiction #nct 127 smut #nct fanfiction #nct smut

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calltocupid · 1 month

Text

some of my tim laughlin headcanons

he is incredibly good at art. (i know this is touched on in the book, but let me be.) he has cheap little journals that he can afford filled with various sketches of hawk. the tips of his ears and his cheeks always turn a dark crimson color when hawk catches him.

after meeting hawk, he has difficulty sleeping alone. he has to be at the brink of exhaustion in order for him to fall asleep without hawk curled around him.

he’s been wearing glasses since he was 6 years old. at first, he was embarrassed about it, especially with how mean kids can be. sometimes he still gets self-conscious about it, even in his older years.

he’s a morning person!! he wakes up every morning and either goes on runs or walks, especially in the summer time. he’s also a bit of an earth worm granola boy. in the nicer weather, he’s always finding little places to explore: hiking/biking trails, new parts of d.c./san fran that he hasn’t seen yet, etc,.

adhd tim!! it’s something he’s struggled with all of his life.

he loves to collect things. trinkets, pins, magnets, mugs. whatever it may be, he tends to keep it, as he’s hard time letting go of things that perhaps have a story to them.

he keeps every single card and letter he’s ever received from loved ones. it gets increasingly worse as he meets hawk, though. he holds onto everything hawk has given him.

all of the scrapbooks he has of his family are ones he’s made himself. one afternoon at fordham, he got really overwhelmed with studying, so he took a break to make some out of the pictures he’d kept in a box in his closet.

he was incredibly shy all throughout college. it was easy for him to make friends, but he was typically the one who had to be approached, otherwise he’d tend to keep to himself.

he loves the fall time. growing up in new york, him and his family would always do an immense amount of activities together as soon as september rolled around and the leaves changed. apple picking, hayrides, trips to salem, visits to the pumpkin patch where he’d always pick the most neglected pumpkin because he felt bad for it.

he’s been sensitive his entire life. he’s very in tune with other peoples emotions too, and he can very easily pick up on shifts in people’s behavior/moods.

he’d always tried to play sports growing up—baseball, soccer, even swimming—but he’s always been more creative than athletic. once his parents quit hounding him about it, most of his time was consumed with writing, reading, and art of various kinds.

he began to grow fascinated with history and government work when he was in 7th grade. he’d spend afternoons after classes in the town library reading anything and everything he could get his hands on if it was about those subjects.

the cross necklace he wears was a birthday gift when he turned 16. it holds immense sentimental value.

his first crush on a boy was when he was in kindergarten, back before anyone really realizes it’s a crush. but the one he really remembers was high school. it was a boy on the football team, about a year older than him, and tim can remember growing distracted in class from doodling him in the margins of his notes.

okay. i have so many more, but i don’t want this to be ridiculous. let me know if i should share more.

#fellow travelers #hawk x tim #tim laughlin #hawk and tim #hawktim

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essektheylyss · 5 months

Text

Ten Books to Know Me

@aboxthecolourofheartache reblogged her version of this from ages ago but she'd tagged whoever saw it and it sounds very fun and difficult so let's do it!

Tris's Book by Tamora Pierce - I had a habit as a kid of always picking up the second book in a series, so this was the first of Tamora Pierce's books I read. Emelan had an effect on me on a microcosmic level, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, the protag of a whole world of mine is named Tris now, in homage to Trisana Chandler, so. the particulate is still kicking around in my brain.

Ptolemy's Gate by Jonathan Stroud - Another childhood FAVE. This series as a whole started fucking with what I understood a book to be. Also the ending of it has a vice grip on me to this day, and it is probably why so much of my writing is very vibey and favors ambiguous endings.

Cyrano de Bergerac - This was the first assigned reading I had in high school that I utterly LOVED. I love this play so much, I love the tragedy, I love the quiet sorrow. This was also the first proper tragedy that I remember really loving.

The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan - This is a book of poetry and short stories by a Yale creative writing student who was killed in a car crash very soon after graduating, compiled by her professor after her death. I read it repeatedly in college; it is really quite lovely.

Underland by Robert Macfarlane - Apologies to Box who wanted reading recommendations, but she is who introduced me to this book if I remember correctly, and I have spent the two years since I read it habitually picking up Macfarlane's writing without even realizing it. Absolutely phenomenal writing.

Staying with the Trouble by Donna Haraway - @ professor Haraway I know you are a semi-retired scholar and also in the most expensive college town on earth but are you looking for research assistants cuz uh

The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Tsing - I actually read both Staying with the Trouble and this book on the same weekend in the start of 2021. I compromised on not including Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake, which I felt was very cliche of me, by including this book, which had as much of an effect. Read those three and Pantheologies by Mary-Jane Rubenstein and you will have some semblance of an idea of what the spiritual portion of my brain looks like. In the interest of not writing the same blurb four times I left the latter two off but know they make up a little microcosm of 'you could make a religion out of this' for me.

The Cat Who Saved Books by Sosuke Natskukawa - A Japanese novel about a cat who appears to a teenager after the death of his grandfather, a bookseller. I read it when I was very frustrated with trying to read contemporary fiction and it was a bright spot among that. (I am still very frustrated with the state of contemporary fiction and this book remains a light.)

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer - Okay I read this one most recently out of this list (over the summer) but it had been on my list for a long time and it really does live up to the hype because it is just so luminous in every sense.

Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer - I had to put this one last simply because HOLY HELL. Rewired my brain. This is the goal I aspire to, this is the dream I dream, this is the highest peak among the mountain range of writing aspirations that I climb. If I can one day write anything even akin to the Southern Reach trilogy I will be ready to die, but that is an utterly unachievable goal so God's just gonna have to let me live forever, I guess.

#this was SO difficult I'm ngl #I had several more that I agonized over #the fact that there is no le guin on this? insanity. but regardless #also there were some that I didn't include cuz I read them too recently and didn't want to go too hard with the recency bias but #if anyone has read both underland and braiding sweetgrass 'the language of trees' features both authors and is STUNNING #megs is reading #also everyone read the alan dean foster novelization of star trek (2009). that was the other one from my childhood that hit so hard

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fingerless-glovez · 5 months

Text

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA COLLEGE AU WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE

Here's what I've got so far

Toa

• Majoring in political science and government

• Works at a library

• Absolutely hates his major and would rather be in a music course, but he isn't going to defy Gilbert's wish for him to become a politician

• Gilbert and Roc have a political rivalry and are constantly spying on each other, so when Gilbert found out Guy was being raised to succeed Roc, he felt there was no other choice than to do the same with Toa

• Keep in mind, both Guy and Toa were both extremely young when this was decided

• Adopted Knight and brought him to college with him

• He found Knight during his freshman year knocked out in an alley next to a cat that had unfortunately passed away. Toa took him to the hospital and visited him when he woke up, only to discover he was homeless and has no memory. When Knight recovered, Toa snuck him into his house to live in his closet and receive basic education until college

Fenn

• Majoring in creative writing

• Got disowned, kicked out, and cut off immediately after turning 18

• Joke's on Louis, Fenn set up his own bank accounts and has been saving money since he started his first job at 14

• Throws the best parties

• Regular at Lance and Jasper's bar

Lynt

• Majoring in psychology

• Empath that just wants everyone to be happy

• As his course goes on, he starts to notice the signs that his friends have some serious problems

• Resident peacekeeper

• Cuddles with everyone

Roy

• Majoring in liberal arts

• Wants to be a college professor

• Helps Guy with whatever he needs

• Put on a perfect facade every day

• Klaus works for Roc and Roy is terrified of ruining their working relationship and embarrassing his father, so he basically does everything Guy tells him to

• Sherry, Grayson, MC and Lynt are very concerned

Rio

• Majoring in culinary arts

• Works at his family's restaurant, Voleri Gold Eatery

• Wants to own his own restaurant

• Is the academy's support animal

• Probably got shoved into his locker in high school

• That's what he gets for trying to be a decent person in a fucking high school

Lance

• Majoring in animal sciences

• Works at the same bar as Jasper

• Wants to be a wildlife biologist

• Addis wanted him to go into politics, but y'know what, fuck Addis

• Almost didn't get in because of his shitty permanent record from school, but his test scores were actually really good

• Plus, Lou seemed to sense his potential and passion for animals, so he let him in

• He got a dorm all to himself so he could sneak Christoph in with him. He allows Christoph the top bunk

• Takes care of Nox when Grayson is busy

Knight

• Majoring in animal health

• Toa paid for the bulk of his course, but Knight is working to pay him back

• Works at an animal shelter

• Wants to be a vet

• Secretly lived in Toa's closet before moving out with him to attend the academy

• Has post traumatic amnesia from his past head injury, but neither he nor Toa can afford actual treatment

• Buuuut he starts remembering bits and pieces of his life from constant nightmares and hallucinations

Grayson

• Majoring in criminal justice and police science

• Wants to be a detective

• Wants to investigate his uncle and bring him to justice

• Loves his horse, Nox

• Traumatized by that one scene in The Godfather

• More scared of you than you are of him

• Unless you wanna talk about horses, Nox specifically

(That’s all I got. Still figuring everyone else's antics out)

#court of darkness #toa qelsum #fenn luxure #lynt akedia #roy invidia #rio voleri #lance ira #court of darkness knight #grayson hotz #i don't know anything about college

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dancingtotuyo · 9 months

Text

The Life We Built (Joel Miller)

Part 5 of Build You The World Joel X Reader Rating: PG-13 (Language) Warnings: fluff, that's it. Tags: no outbreak, fluff, craftsman!Joel, Time jump, it's 2023 folks, no mentions of COVID, you decide if it happened Notes: So we've reached the end of this little adventure that was only supposed to be a one shot, but never fear! I have another Joel Miller idea in the works. Check out my Masterlist for some Javier Peña works as well! Thank you everyone for your support! Words: 1998

Series Master List | Author Master list

Joel eased into the chair next to you under the pergola he built 25 years ago. It was still sturdy and spoke to Joel’s craftsmanship. The sun was beginning to set, granting some relief to the spring heat as you watched your three grown children clean up the backyard. They’d insisted the two of you relax.

Emma graduated from Duke last weekend with honors in Pre-med. Which meant traveling to North Carolina for the ceremony. Joel has insisted on driving up. He hated flying. With a 20-hour car ride one way, you caught up on a lot of reading and almost booked yourself a plane ticket home. The two of you had been gone for almost a week. So her graduation party took place this weekend at home. She’d been accepted into UNC-Chapel Hill’s School of Medicine and would be going back to Durham in a couple of weeks. She was officially moving out, boxes already stacked high in her room. You and Joel both chose not to think about your baby leaving the nest for good.

Emma laughed at something Asher said. You couldn’t see Sarah roll her eyes, but you knew by her body language. Joel chuckled next to you. He sensed it too, both in tune with your children.

Asher graduated with a Bachelor's in Engineering from UT-Austin a few years ago, choosing to stay close to home. He had a small apartment in town working at Miller Construction since graduation. Joel joked that if he didn’t put his degree to use soon, he was gonna have to rebrand as Miller and Son. You had a sneaking suspicion that’s what Asher wanted. He and Joel shared the same love of building things with their hands.

“Grandpa!” Sarah’s 3-year-old daughter, Jessie bounded across the yard, dark curls bouncing like springs behind her. You could see the brightly colored book in her grasp.

She panted heavily as she reached the two of you. Her small hands rested on Joel’s knees. She looked up through dark lashes. “Will you read this to me?”

Joel smiled. She reminded you so much of Sarah at her age. “Don’t you want grandma to do it? She’s a much better reader than me.”

“No, you!”

“Okay, Okay.” Joel chuckled, pulling the child onto his lap. You closed your eyes as you listened to Joel read. His drawl had only deepened with age but it still flowed like honey. It soothed your weary bones and often brought you through time, making you feel 25 again.

Sarah had started college at the University of Georgia but transferred to UT-Austin after her freshman year. She loved Georgia, but she missed being close to her family more. She’d earned her Bachelor's in Journalism and Creative Writing (also with Honors). Working across all aspects of journalism, she went back to get her MFA several years later. She worked freelance for several publications and taught a creative writing class at the community college in town. She’d married Mike 6 years ago. They’d been together since senior year of college aside from a one-year gap. They’d bought a house just down the street from you and Joel soon after their wedding. Jessie’s 4th birthday was next week, and aside from her husband, you were the only other person to know that Sarah was 8 weeks pregnant. They were planning to reveal it next on Father’s Day.

You and Sarah were convinced Joel didn’t have a clue. The two of you were desperate to surprise him. Other than his 45th birthday party, you and Sarah hadn’t been able to surprise Joel in the 31 years you’d loved him. He’d even figured out Sarah’s first pregnancy before they’d told anyone.

Joel continued to read. The world drifted further away only anchored by the sound of his voice. Sometimes a bird’s song drifted in and out. The warm breeze floated across your skin. Joel’s voice stayed constant.

“Grandpa… Shhhhh, grandma is sleepin.”

Joel looked up from the book. He smiled. The wrinkles around his eyes were well-defined now. “I think she’s just restin her eyes, kiddo.”

“That’s what you say when you’re sleeping!” Jessie giggled.

“Keep reading,” you said, keeping your eyes closed. “The story was just getting good.”

He looked at Jessie who nodded her head, and he continued.

The construction business had been good to Joel. Miller Construction kept its outstanding reputation throughout the years, something Joel worried about as the number of crews grew and his ability to check up on every job decreased. Joel spent most of his days on job sites in a supervisory capacity. He trained the new hires to meet his rigid standards, and his body took less wear and tear. He was able to spend more quiet morning moments with you. At 56 years old, he was still the best pitcher in the men’s rec softball league. He took every Thursday morning off to hang out with Jessie while Sarah taught her class at the Community College. He piddled in the garage on weekends, working on the next project. He’d just redone the kitchen cabinets. Tommy joked that Joel lived in partial retirement, but there was some truth to it. You liked seeing him take time

Joel finished the book as Sarah and Mike walked over. You slowly opened your eyes, letting the world envelope you once again.

“It’s time for us to go home, Bear,” Mike said.

Before Jessie could issue a complaint, Joel pulled her into a back-breaking squeeze. She laughed. He tickled her sides. “Grandpa!”

“I gotta make sure you meet your tickle quota.”

“I have! I have!” Jessie laughed, her cheeks turning red.

“Okay,” Joel let out a deep breath. “I think that’s enough for today.”

Jessie wrapped her arms around Joel’s neck, kissing his cheek. “Love you, Grandpa!”

“I love you too.” He kissed her cheek, patting her back. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

Jessie slid off his lap, rushing to you. A chorus of goodbyes between parties rose in the corner of your backyard in hugs and handshakes. Jessie nestled into her father’s arms, eyes already beginning to droop.

Joel wrapped his arms around you. You leaned into him. His hands traveled down your back, lips finding yours. You grinned feeling warm and giddy. Even after all these years, he still had the same effect on you.

Gagging noises interrupted your moment. Asher and Emma stood on the porch directing said sounds at you.

“Get a room!”

“We don’t want to see that!”

Joel flipped them off before firmly grabbing your ass making a show of the steamy kiss he planted on you. You laughed. He kissed your neck softly.

“You’re gonna traumatize the kids.”

“They’re grown adults. They can leave.” He nuzzled into your neck. “I want to kiss my wife in our backyard.”

“Y’all are gross.” Asher chided.

“If it weren’t for us, you two wouldn’t be here,” Joel shouted back.

“You say that like it’s a good thing!” Emma responded. “Have you seen the world?”

“Hey,” You laughed. “You’re the saving grace of this family, Miss I’m going to be a doctor.”

Asher scowled. “Don’t say that. Her head will get bigger than it already is.” He ruffled Emma’s hair.

Emma rolled her eyes. “We’re done cleaning up. We’ll leave you two to do… that.” She motioned toward you and Joel. “Asher’s gonna take me out on the town.”

“Make smart decisions,” Joel called.

“Always!” Emma smiled.

The duo filed out of the backyard leaving you and Joel alone. Joel kissed your forehead as you swayed to a nonexistent tune.

When you finally stopped, you and Joel sought the respite of AC inside. Joel prepared a plate of leftovers for the two of you to share on the couch. You read as Joel watched the Baseball game on low volume. You propped your feet on his lap. His thumbs found the soles of your feet applying pressure. You hummed.

You had stepped down from your position at Miller Construction after Emma started high school. As much as you loved working with Joel and helping him build and expand the business, desires drew you elsewhere. You started working part-time at the public library. When their head librarian announced plans to retire, the city had offered to pay for you to get your Masters in Library Science providing you could give them a 10-year commitment. Daunting at first, you’d managed to complete the courses in 2 years via an online program. You work at the library full-time now. Joel often brought Jessie in on Thursday mornings along with a coffee for you. You tended to the garden on weekends. Joel replaced your raised beds a few years ago. You had the kids over for dinner once a week. You and Sarah walked the block on pleasant evenings. You spent lazy evenings on the couch with Joel, something that had rarely been a part of your marriage until the past few years.

“I’ve been thinking…”

You looked up from your book. “Uh oh, that’s never good.”

He tickled the bottom of your foot earning a squeal. Everyone talked about growing out of being ticklish. That had never happened to you. “I think it’s probably time to refinish the book nook.”

You glanced behind you, eyes trailing over the bookshelves Joel had built you more than 25 years ago. They’d been through it. The finish was peeling in a few places. The cabinet doors that lined the bottom were dented and scratched from a number of things bumping and running into it while raising 3 kids. You glanced at the farthest one, still stained with faint marks from Emma taking Sharpies to it when she was 3. Residue from stickers marked other areas.

“Sounds like a big project.”

“I’ve got the time.” Joel smiled.

He reached down beside him, revealing a gift bag. A simple brown paper bag with a gold ribbon neatly tied and curled. Sarah’s trademark. He handed it to you with a smile.

“This from you or Sarah?”

“Me.” Joel crinkled his nose. “Just asked Sarah to wrap it for you.”

You lifted the bag up and down. It felt like it was probably a book. It rarely wasn’t. “And what is this for?” You smiled at him.

“Just fulfilling my husbandly duties.”

You laughed as you untied the ribbon. Joel had taken your first line to him like an oath over the course of your relationship. He’d surprised you with a new book at random times. Sometimes you came home to one on the kitchen counter or your nightstand. Other times, wrapped or handed to you, each with an inscription detailing something he loved about you and how “Pretty” didn’t cut it.

You smiled at him, pulling a hardcover book out of the bag. You opened the front cover. A piece of paper slipped out. Before you could investigate, Joel’s handwriting caught your attention.

I don’t know if you’ve been counting, darling, but this is the 100th book I’ve given you. When I met you in that bar, I knew if I had the chance to give you just one, I’d be the luckiest man alive.

We always talked about going on a big trip for our 25th wedding anniversary. I know it’s a little bit late, but I booked us on that trip to Italy you were eying last year.

I’m sure it’ll be beautiful, but I still think the best view is you.

I love you, Darling.

You picked up the slip of paper: the booking confirmation set for mid-September. You looked up at Joel, tears blurring your vision.

He chuckled. “Surprise.”

You set the book carefully on the end table, moving onto Joel’s lap. “You hate flying.”

“But I love new places.” He kissed your nose. He still looked at you like you hung the galaxy. You imagined you looked at him the same. “And you.”

You kissed him, the words whispered for just the two of you. “I love you too.”

#joel miller #tlou #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #build you the world

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sweatermuppet · 9 months

Note

sorry if you've been asked this before but have you gone to college or are you interested? a lot of my fav writers went to pretty prestigious places and have masters or phds etc and i was the type of person who never thought i'd be able to go to school for writing (or anything really) but i'm gonna try this upcoming school year. would love any insight you have if any <3

my feelings on further education for writing are complicated, but to put it out there at the top: i did not go to college & do not consider it necessary to be published

i did not apply to college in high school, which was highly controversial according to teachers, who insisted i need to at least look. i had some poor grades (almost failed creative writing, almost failed sophomore english) & did not attend many after school programs. i skipped class, had a suspension on record for fighting, & i was deeply deeply clinically depressed. i was in therapy, on medication, & could not see that another few years of school would suit me, especially because i was trying to come out as trans in a small school & that exhausted & despaired me. i did not have savings, scholarship offers, & my parents had told me since childhood that any secondary education would be my responsibility

i would like to go to college now i think, or at least attend more workshops & small classes for poetry & fiction, but i still feel it is very unlikely. education costs are too high for me to consider it an agreeable sacrifice for those experiences & connections. if i had the chance to go somewhere for writing, it would have to be within a financial margin that seemingly does not exist for current college costs & i refuse to take out loans, especially when i would rather work a day job & further my transition

i think it is very possible to educate yourself. there are lots of online resources available that can provide you with lessons, prompts, readings, & "homework". one key element, that ive discussed with other published friends, is that doing it alone... means you are that: alone. there is a lot of value in being taught by someone or someones who can answer your questions & give you a uniquely human perspective. i have taught myself a lot privately, but it does come with a sometimes crushing distance that can feel downright alienating, if not discouraging. there is a thrill in discussing poetry in a group that cannot be replicated in solitude

on the other hand, i think experiences cannot be taught in a classroom. to write, you must live first. you have to have material & it is difficult to craft material when you are entirely occupied with study. heartbreak, loss, love, wonder, can all happen during college, & even college is its own experience, but i do think there is a lot of overlooked value in people who just do... people things without wondering if it'll make a good poem

when i went to a writing retreat last year, i was the only man to attend (or ever apply!) & the only person in the group to not have gone to, or actively be in, college. i was torn between thinking i was an outsider, because everyone around me was "better educated" & feeling like id accomplished something all on my own

so... at the end of the day, i think it is entirely personal whether someone goes to college for writing. i know people who have gone & loved it & others who did not find it useful. i think these depend upon yourself, the school, your style, what you're hoping to achieve, etc. i think most of all it's deeply important to learn with other people when you can, to talk to people about poetry, to go to readings & subscribe to journals & visit libraries & take notes. how that is done is up to you

#devotedbunny #sorry that this is six million pages long. i just have a lot of thoughts about it

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pocketsizedowls · 1 year

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The first time I read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, I was in my second year of college.

At the time, despite going to a university that was a 12-hour drive away, I faithfully returned home during every break, every holiday, and every long weekend. Much like Gregor Samsa, the protagonist of The Metamorphosis and breadwinner of the Samsa household, I thought my family needed me. They couldn't function without me. Texts and calls flooded in every day from my siblings, my mother, my father, so at the end of my second year of college, I wrote a creative nonfiction essay about The Metamophosis. My family is not like Samsa's, I claimed. Even if I get transformed into a bug like Samsa did, they would never faint at the sight of me. They accepted me each and every time I returned home from college, slightly changed from the last but still human at my core. They loved me, I said. They always will.

The recent release of Teniwoha's "Zamuza" via Project Sekai's N25 brought me back to that essay, and upon rereading it for the first time since I wrote it four years ago, I... pity myself. At 19, I had not yet come to terms with my family's dysfunction, my mother's narcissism, and my father's neglect. Being parentified growing up often means that you're the last of your siblings to realize you were cheated of a proper childhood, and that growing up too quickly has detrimental consequences on your health. Cortisol, the steroid hormone released into your body during long periods of stress, is only good for your body in smaller doses. Today, I am writing this post at 6am after rolling around in bed for hours, stuck in the limbo of waking and sleeping. Unfortunately, insomnia is only one of the issues that arise in adulthood after living in fight-or-flight mode your entire life. I would love to tell you more, but that would make this post way too long, so let's move on to the interesting stuff:

I see a lot of my younger self in Mafuyu Asahina, who puts on a "good girl" facade her entire life in order to meet the expectations of her demanding parents. By that I mean, she sacrifices her happiness and her identity to secure love and empathy from her mother, and boy do I know helpless that feeling can be. I only wish that when I was in high school, I also had good friends like Kanade, Mizuki, and Ena. That it didn't take me so long to realize that I am not responsible for my parents' emotions and that I did not need to take on adult responsibilities at a young age to be loved. Because love, as most people learn at a young age and I learned when I was a little older, is supposed to be unconditional.

Gregor Samsa, who transformed into a bug at the beginning of the story, died at the end of The Metamorphosis due to familial neglect. After sacrificing his entire life and identity to serve his family, they moved on quickly without him once he was no longer useful as their golden child. This would have been my fate, had I not pivoted my priorities later on during college to focus on myself. This would have been Mafuyu's fate, if not for her good friends who are unconditionally invested in her well-being. The song "Zamuza" is inspired by The Metamorphosis, and the song is often called "Samsa" when referred to in English. A tribute to Samsa, I think this song is not only Kanade's attempt to save Mafuyu, but also her way of making sure that Samsa, despite being forgotten by his family, will continue to be remembered by her audience.

Take a listen, if you haven't yet:

youtube

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handyowlet · 19 days

Text

I’ve seen a lot of discourse lately about the newer parts of this (and other) fandoms. Some of it is just calling out people for bad behavior, but some of it seems downright hostile to people just for being new, and that seems unfair to me. Anyone who is being a dick to others should ABSOLUTELY be dragged for that, whether they’ve been around for 6 months or 6 years. Common decency should be the baseline.

But we can’t control when we became aware of a fandom, or when a new world was opened up to us. And trying to lock people out, devalue their opinions, or refuse to engage with them at all simply because you were here first is just mean.

For example, I was obsessed with My Little Pony back when I watched The Glass Princess (1986) on VHS multiple times a day. But it’s been a long time since then, and while Friendship is Magic is not the same, I don’t begrudge anyone loving it and I don’t think I would be a more important fan or that my opinions would be more valid just because cause I loved it before a newer fan did, especially because I am (probably much) older than a lot of those fans. I only got there first because I was born first and my mom bought that tape. This isn’t exactly the same as some of you because I’m not into MLP any more, but my daughter’s starting to love it, and I’m not going to keep her from watching the new stuff just because it isn’t the old stuff.

I was only 5 when GO was published, so of course there are people who read it and fell in love with it before I did, because I was a child and didn’t know it existed. I didn’t know about a lot of things- I didn’t know anything about Star Wars, Star Trek, LOTR, etc. until college because my parents didn’t let me. I only learned about Rocky Horror, Eddie Izzard, RENT, Queer as Folk, etc. because of the people I met in Creative Writing and drama club in high school, because they had been given access to those things and shared them with me. Drag Race was several years old before someone introduced me to that.

I am relatively new to this fandom, even though I did read the book many years before the show came out. I didn’t even know there was going to be a show until suddenly there was, and I loved S1, but circumstances in my life kept me from becoming obsessed. I also had no idea S2 was coming until right before it came out, and by then I was in a place where the brain rot was able to take hold. I thought Tumblr was like Tindr until around then as well, and I had no idea AO3 even existed. No one else I known IRL knows what these things are either, except for what I’ve told them. I don’t think my participation in this fandom should be any less valid just because I didn’t have access to it before now.

I have dived into this fandom headfirst and unabashedly. I still don’t understand all of how Tumblr and AO3 work, but now that I’m here, I participate as much as I can (sometimes I don’t respond to those tagging posts because I haven’t figured it out yet). I post on Tumblr when I think I have something to say, and try to boost others who say things I think might enrich someone else’s life too. I devour fanfic on a daily basis, leaving kudos and comments and recommending anything I’ve liked to anyone who will listen because I want to support the amazing artists in this community and spread the happiness they’ve brought to me. I try to engage with anyone who engages with me, and I’d like to think I’ve been respectful to you all (but I know I can be blunt too, so if ever I am a twat waffle, feel free to drag my ass for that).

I guess my bottom line is, while I’ve mostly felt very safe, loved, and accepted jn this fandom, the anti-newbie discourse is disheartening. I will absolutely join you in blasting anyone who chooses to be an asshole, but I’m never going to support the unnecessary gatekeeping. I don’t think Aziraphale, Crowley, Michael, David, Terry, or Neil would either.

Thank you to all of you who have shown love and acceptance to me. I’ll strive to return it and pay it forward to every chance I get.

#good omens #good omens fanfic #good omens fandom #leave the gates open #love you all

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swearphil · 10 months

Note

hi renee, do you still read schitts creek fanfic? do you have any recs? :)

anon, I love the timing of getting this ask on monday and then ao3 was down and I thought it would be awhile until I could effectively answer this ask but ao3 is back! yay!!! and then it took me three days to answer this because I couldn't make decisions!

yes, I still read schitt's creek fanfic! when I started compiling a list for this ask, I was going to do 10 fics but I've decided to rec 20: 10 multi-chapter fics and 10 one shots/single chapter fics. this way I get to include more fics and hopefully you find something you'd like to read! I also recommend checking out my sc fic recs tag and I also have this my recs tag where I made recs for the @farm-witches-fic-recs this or that challenge! I also recommend the witches' posts for more recs!

here are 20 fics from 20 authors but please know there are so many incredible authors in this fandom and I love them all and I hate that I can't include all of them!!!

Multi-Chapter Fics

On the Outside Looking Through by @smblmn

A pride & prejudice AU

Red White and Blue Jays by @grapehyasynth

Red White and Royal Blue AU. David Rose, First Son of the United States, hates Patrick Brewer, First Son of Canada. That gets him into some trouble - and then a lot of trouble. (I mean we're about to get the movie sooooooooo)

my heart was broke, my head was sore by @blueink3

The morning after Grad Night goes somewhat differently when Patrick gets a call from home.

Crossing Out the Good Years by @nontoxic-writes

One thing, David didn’t do one thing, and moved them to New York and let their marriage fall apart. But that wasn't supposed to happen. So Fate intervenes. aka the divorce-ish fic

The Rosebud Diamond by @vivianblakesunrisebay

Patrick is a detective. David is his mysterious client. There’s a priceless diamond, a masquerade ball, murder, thievery, blackmail, secrets, betrayal, gangsters, smoking, whiskey, and angst galore. (And a happy ending.) It’s a film noir AU.

you never shined so brightly by @rosedavid

A La La Land AU in which Patrick is the aspiring actor and David is the struggling musician.

Home at Last by @januarium

When Stevie Budd took on the role of Sally Bowles she could never have known how much she would gain from it. From the prompt: An alternate universe where Ted does not choose Alexis at the end of Season Four and Stevie and Alexis get close during Cabaret rehearsals

You Happened by @lilythesilly

David Rose is many things: talented, creative, fashion-forward, well read—the list can go on, but at the very top of that list is Extremely Rich. So he doesn’t understand why his father is making him work at Rose Video—or why Patrick Brewer, a boy he's had virtually no interaction with since they were twelve, is suddenly always around. An enemies-to-coworkers-to-friends-to-lovers high school au.

Pull The Shot. Steam The Milk. Repeat. by @treluna4

Right at the beginning of David’s junior year of college, his dad’s business partner literally took the money and ran, and the Roses were left with nothing...He moved in with his friend Stevie and got a job at the Schitt Family Coffee Roasters south campus location. David was less than thrilled by this job prospect, but no one else was hiring and rent was a thing now, so he gathered what little self-respect he had left and prepared to meet his new manager, Patrick. But as it turned out, David had met him once before. Under very, very different circumstances. Or; the hookup-to-friends-to-lovers college coffee shop AU that no one asked for.

How Easy It Could Be by @maxbegone

A story about sweet caffeine, starting new, and falling in love slowly.

Single Chapter Fics

life ain't passing you by by @dinnfameron

Stevie has breakfast at the cottage before a business trip. David and Patrick have some thoughts regarding her feelings for her new coworker.

like glass from sandy ground by @middyblue

Five times Alexis ran from grief, and one time she didn't.

Pretty Follies by @treepyful

Alexis and Twyla team up to play matchmaker for Stevie and Ruth. Unfortunately, the course of true love never did run smooth.

I INDEX/MATCH You by @sarahlevys

Ruth maintains a lot of spreadsheets. Some of them feature Stevie.

are there still beautiful things? by @mymariahcarey

“Look what I got Stevie!” Twyla calls as she runs through the waist-high grass towards the line of trees where Stevie’s waiting for her. By the time Twyla reaches her, her cheeks pink and her breath labored, her french braids are coming undone and there’s a twig stuck in one of them. Or, Stevie and Twyla were childhood best friends.

falling into place like dominos by @petalwritesx

David and Patrick hold a second housewarming party, this time at their newly-renovated cottage. For old times' sake, they decide to play spin the bottle. Meanwhile, Stevie has been wrestling with her feelings for Alexis since she left for New York... and it never occurred to her that those feelings could flow both ways.

you light me up like starlight by @stereopticons

Patrick and his indie band head back to their hometown to perform for the annual holiday charity concert, and David tags along, even though they are still keeping their relationship a secret.

Live By Love Though The Stars Walk Backwards by @chelle-68

Stevie returns from a work trip to discover an exhausted Patrick who has trouble sleeping without David, who has been in LA visiting his family. Stevie's offer to spend the night to keep Patrick company, hoping it will help him sleep, turns into a night of heartfelt conversation about love, friendship, fate, and taking chances.

One Single Thread of Gold by @swiftlythebest

Patrick has a baseball viewing party, and David has a lot of feelings.

as we dream by the fire by @blackandwhiteandrose

The fire is just the right amount of warm -- enough to keep David toasty but not sweaty -- so he can enjoy lying against his husband’s chest, happy and content in his embrace. Patrick brings a hand up, slipping his fingers through David’s hair. “This is a great way to spend an evening,” he says, his voice soft. “We should do this more often.”

#asks #anon #my recs #i hope this helps anon!#please let me know if any links are incorrect #and if I forgot or tagged anyone incorrectly!

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magicalgirlmascot · 7 months

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Continuing to think about KNPS Inika bc I love them

Jaller is both student council president and on the boy's floor hockey team. Not captain, he doesn't have time for that. He has college applications to prepare for, and homework, and his part time job at Kini Nui's only grocery store, and keeping Takua out of trouble. Chronically single. Does not still have feelings for Hahli and no one can prove he does. Trying to unionize his workplace despite being 17. Wants to be a firefighter.

Hahli is assistant captain on the girl's lacrosse team (Macku is captain). She always feels like she's at the edge of her friend group and never really knows what to say. Often feels like she's behind with regards to trends and stuff because she gets crap internet out at the farm. Has dated a few different guys over the years. Does not still have feelings for Jaller and no one can prove she does. Has no idea what she wants to do after high school and is sick of people asking.

Kongu spends almost every lunch hour in the gym's weight room working out. He's not on any sports teams, he just likes working out and doesn't want to dedicate time to going to a gym after school. Will still throw hands for Tamaru without a second thought. Plays the clarinet in band class and wants to learn the drums. Gay and loud about it. Wants to be a pilot.

Hewkii is hands down the most popular kid in their grade. He's the guy who's on every sports team and gets along with everyone. Took drama as his obligatory arts credit in grade 9 and loved it so much he's taken it every year since. Joined at the hip with Macku. Likes going to escape rooms and axe throwing with friends or on dates. Wants to go away to university, but is worried about what that will mean for his relationship.

Nuparu is the star of shop class and has won awards at every science fair he's ever entered. Has like four friends who are all just as geeky as he is. They hang out under the stairs by the tech hall like it's their own little clubhouse. Built like a brick shithouse. On the school's tech crew for theater and other shows. Has been waffling between getting a degree in engineering or going straight into a trade after high school, and is stressed about the fact that he's going to have to make a decision about that soon.

Matoro keeps to himself, gets good grades, and tries to fly under the radar as much as possible. Took vocal music as an arts credit in grade 9 and loved it but refuses to take any other classes that involve getting onstage, no matter how much Hewkii begs him to try out for the school musical. Spends most of his time in the library with Kopeke, had a rough first year of school. Neither closeted nor out but a secret third thing (acts like everyone has always known he's gay and they're the weird ones for not remembering). Wants to be a sign language interpreter and a wildlife conservationist and also run away to live in the woods.

Takua has become the undisputed champion of hallway gossip. They know everything there is to know about everyone in the school, and if you ever need anything ever, they definitely know a guy. Still terrified of the dark. Goes to a lot of parties. In the anime club, GSA, and game club. Writes a lot of short stories and has put together a compilation zine to sell. Works part time for the same cleaning company as their mom. Wants to get a creative writing degree.

#bionicle #ficblogging #knps #yes takua uses they/them pronouns now #i figure they started using them sometime in the middle of high school

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literally-online · 1 year

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Hello! Today marks the release of a new musical project I've been working on for the past month or so: Sleep Buddy! Ambient music to help you focus or just get some sleep.

Available now on Spotify and Apple Music!

You can read more about where the project came from below:

After dropping out of college, joining a band, moving in with the band, watching the band fall apart, and then subsequently finding myself with an increasing amount of pent-up musically creative energy, I decided I wanted to make something of my own.

I was also about five years deep into a stint of severe insomnia — from my first year of high school onward I generally only slept about an hour or two each night. After my friends would fall asleep and there was nobody left awake to play games with or text or talk to on the phone, I'd spend the quietest hours of my evenings teaching myself how to produce music.

The blend of these two issues manifested itself into a love of producing and listening to ambient music, and I set out with the goal of creating an album that would help me fall asleep each night. It was freeing to break away from the verse-chorus song structure I'd become so acclimated to, allowing myself to let long droning synths reverberate for hours into the night or searching for field recordings of windy plains or rainy farmhouses to see how I could incorporate the sounds of nature into my compositions. I'd write a song, load it onto my iPod, hop into my car, and cruise around empty New Jersey streets to hear how it worked as a soundtrack for the drive. In the span of about three weeks, I'd finished and released my first solo album under the artist name Boqeh: Halcyon.

Halcyon saw the beginning of a new habit: Almost every single day I'd open up my laptop and throw some nice sounding synths and chords together and let them loop endlessly while I worked on other tasks. Usually these project files would get deleted at the end of the day, but every once in a while they'd be saved and fleshed out into a full track for a hypothetical future album release. My next few ambient albums as Boqeh all followed that same songwriting process, but I eventually got more into the habit of deleting files than saving them. Slowly but surely, I stopped releasing music altogether as my career and other creative endeavors took center stage in my life.

Although I grew into the habit of deleting my daily project files, I never kicked the habit of starting a new one almost every morning. In 2018 while discussing the rise of ten-hour relaxation YouTube videos and 24/7 lofi hip-hop beats streams with a friend, I wondered aloud why I wasn't using the huge volume of music I was creating and disposing of daily to do something similar.

It's taken ten years since the release of Halcyon for me to feel confident enough to make it happen, but I'm finally done erasing the work I create.

Enter Sleep Buddy.

youtube

Sleep Buddy is both a new project and revitalization of the intention behind Halcyon — albums of carefully crafted and original ambient music with the goal of helping listeners fall asleep or relax while working on other tasks. Today marks the release of the first album: Intro.

Intro is a thesis statement. Available as a ten hour YouTube video (of course), on Bandcamp, or through your favorite streaming service like Apple Music or Spotify, it contains just under two hours of original ambient music covering a wide variety of ideas I plan on drilling further into for future releases. Almost the entirety of the album was written and produced over three weeks in January of this year, and in the time it has taken to distribute Intro to music platforms, I have already finished a followup for release sometime next month. If all goes well, expect a new Sleep Buddy release monthly in 2023.

In the meantime I hope you'll give this first album a listen, and if you do I hope it helps you relax.

You deserve it.

Head to sleepbuddy.online for more. <3

#ambient music #music production #ambiance #ambient #sleep #sleep music #relaxing music #calming music #Bandcamp #Youtube

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haunted-glassesgurl · 9 months

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Klance writers AU

Both Keith and Lance are college students, their mayor is literature and creative writing. Lance drives Keith crazy, he started this fake rivalry and Keith, for the life of his, can't seem to be able to put an end to it. Whenever it seems like Lance is dropping the whole "rivalry" thing, Keith finds a way to make it come back. He doesn't know why he does it but something about having Lance constantly around him, bothering, talking or simply paying a little bit of attention to Keith makes him more productive. He doesn't really know if it's because he likes Lance or simply wants to be friends with him, but now, after 2 years of all this, a friendship without competition seems a bit dull and boring if you ask him.

Lance on the other hand knew from the beginning that Keith was a competitive guy, so his plan to becoming friends simply included that competition that Lance knew was difficult to get at a literature career.

Now, it's been a year since their friendship officially turned into one, and it's been a year since Keith started to try and convince Lance to read this book that he completely fell in love with when he was 17. He found it once at a library that was promoting new books from new authors, and at that time, he wasn't really sure what to do with his life after high school

Etc etc etc.

Keith is super in love with a saga of books since he was like 17, which were the once that inspired him to pursue writing as a career, not only because he liked it, but because he wanted to meet the author of the books. Nobody knows who they are, apparently they were very young when they wrote the first book, it gained popularity and was published by an editorial under the pseudonym

(The young writer is Lance)

Keith is in love with the writer even if he doesn't know who they are.

So, Keith is an amateur writer who is still trying to finish college, his mayor is literature and creative writing, perfect to explore and explode his natural talent when it comes to writing. He is a very creative writer

Keith keeps trying to convince Lance to read the saga of books that he loves

Book fair

Keith wants to go with Lance but he says no because he Will be there signing his book and officially making his first appearance as the author.

____________________________________________________

I wrote this back in January and was like, I do have to add things to it to make a little bit more sense, but if I didn't post it now then I would never do it. So there.

#voltron #keith voltron #klance #vld lance #keith kogane #lance mcclain #voltron headcanons #lance voltron #fandom #literature #i just think that Lance would be a great writer #and Keith is totally a bookworm

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fawna12 · 11 months

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this is literally just a rant about how fucking incredible genloss is and how much it's inspiring me so don't feel obliged to read this if it comes up on your dashboard or whatever

I'm a theater kid, I've been a theater kid since second grade, and I've had no clue what I want to do with my life because I love doing so many things, art and writing and teaching people things and so much and my favorite part of acting is improv

and watching genloss like

I want this to become something that people can do

I want to share the stories that I create I want to be able to do stuff like this this is so cool

generation loss has made me realize that not only do I like forms of horror that I've literally written horror before and I want to be able to share it in a way that makes me feel good

If people want to get into film and acting and stuff there's articles and things about what to study in college and high school and whatever but what the fuck type of classes do I take to make my stories able to be told in ways like this this is SO COOL

I'm having a creative boost due to genloss being a new hyperfixation and I've already done multiple art things, planned a cosplay, planned an animatic and bought merch

I ordered a stylus so I can actually try to animate my plan and god I hope that my ADHD stays attached to this long enough for me to finish the animation

Even though most of generation loss won't be livestreamed like The Social Experiments, this one was so much improv and it's my favorite type of thing and I just want to be able to do stuff like this

its amazing

I wasn't going to watch genloss, despite watching Ranboo's content for the past 2 and a half years because I'm "not a horror person" but my friend convinced me to watch it and now it's all I can think about it's so so good the improv, the acting, the storyline. I can't wait to see the rest of the storylines and everything

If you've read this far, you're probably also obsessed with generation loss, and if you want to listen to something similar, the Limetown Podcast is a similar style of horror (I haven't listened to the second season but the first one was really good)

#generation loss #genloss #ranboo #infodump #this is amazing #improv #adhd hyperfixation #ranboolive #this is what I want to do with my life how the fuck do I get to a point where I can do this

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duckprintspress · 5 months

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DPP Contributor Interview: A. L. Heard

A. L. Heard is one of the founding members of Duck Prints Press and has been a part of our planning team since before our official inception, offering her advice and expertise to the Press since mid-2019, and she’s been an editor on our anthologies Add Magic to Taste, And Seek (Not) to Alter Me, He Bears the Cape of Stars, She Wears the Midnight Crown, and Aim For The Heart. She’s also a prolific author of stories of all lengths and in all genres, and one of the most active authors involved with the Press.

Pre-orders of the revised edition of A. L. Heard’s debut novel Hockey Bois open on December 1st, 2023!

Want to meet A. L. Heard and ask her YOUR questions? YOU CAN! Join us TOMORROW, Thursday, November 30th, at 8 p.m. Eastern time (converter) on our Book Lover’s Discord server for a very special Ask Me Anything session with the author of Hockey Bois!

Author Biography: Ashley, pen name A. L. Heard, fandom name jhoom, is a 35-year-old teacher, writer, and mother of two little boys. She’s been writing fanworks since she discovered fanfiction.net back in her middle school days; the platform has changed and the writing’s improved, but Ashley ultimately still spends her free time writing about characters she adores in worlds she’d like to explore. Her first novel, Hockey Bois, was published in 2021. In between writing projects, she works as a language teacher in the Pittsburgh area, plays hockey, and plays trains with her sons.

Links: Bluesky | Instagram

How did you pick the name you create under?

It’s a combination of my [real life] name and family names, making it unique but also still connected to me.

When and why did you begin creating?

I started writing fic during middle school and went through phases where I’d write fic and original work and then long periods with no writing. I’m happy to be settled into writing on a regular basis 🙂

What’s your favorite part of the creation process?

The brainstorming and playing around with a new story and characters, where everything is still possible and I haven’t had to commit to any particular plot point.

Describe your ideal creation space.

An office that’s well lit with an endless supply of tea or coffee or snacks, with no distractions or extra noises except birds. Either that or a brewery or cafe with background noise.

What are your favorite snacks and/or drinks to consume while creating?

Tea, coffee, and baked goods (cookies, scones, that sort of thing)

What’s one thing (style, genre, etc.) that you think you’ll never do, and why not?

Epic fantasy – they’re awesome stories but I don’t have the creativity/brain for a large scale world and magic system like that.

Short Stories A. L. has published with Duck Prints Press:

Brady Jensen vs. Haunted Houses (modern high school Hockey Bois au, m/m, getting together)

Brambles, Pollen, and Other Natural Disasters (modern college Hockey Bois au, explicit, m/m, sex pollen)

In Which James Willoby Enjoys a Ball Far More Than One Should (victorian, explicit, m/m, secret relationship)

Masquerade at Melchor (in the anthology He Bears the Cape of Stars) (science fiction, m/m/m, heist rivals to lovers)

The Musketeer’s Daughter: The Tale of Jacques Toussaint (in the anthology Aim For The Heart: Queer Fanworks Inspired by Alexandre Dumas’s “The Three Musketeers” – coming to our webstore in January, 2024) (historical, f/m, trans musketeer, getting together)

The Offered Ones (fantasy, no ship, found family, children lost in the woods)

The Princess and the Maze (fantasy, no ship, fairy-tale vibe)

Princess Antonia del Montari aka The Accidental Barista (modern, f/f, coffee shop fluff)

Snowbound and Love Sick (modern college Hockey Bois au, explicit, m/m, snowed-in together)

The Tasty Crumpet (in the anthology Add Magic to Taste) (modern with magic, m/m, idiots to lovers)

#duck prints press #a. l. heard #ask me anything #discord #discord event #discord server #hockey bois

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annie-manga · 11 months

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OC infodump: Forest

So Forest is an OC I created fairly recently; I first came up with him back in April 2020.

He had only a few specific characteristics at that point(green hair & freckles, trans & gender non-conforming) and those stayed consistent as I ended up developing him more as the years went by.

Around 2021, I made an AU of with him & other OCs, and that gave me the chance to flesh him out a bit more.

I made him Black & Iranian(his dad is Afro-Latino & his mom is Iranian), I gave him more curlier hair & let his roots show a bit, and I expanded more on his interpersonal traits to try & expand his backstory a bit.

Short backstory summary: he was someone who had struggled with his identity growing up & had a hard time making friends(in part due to undiagnosed autism), so he ended up keeping to himself at times. In 7th grade, he met Liana, who instantly befriended him & she was his first best friend. Over time, his friend group grew & so did his confidence in himself. During high school, he started to dress in a more alternative/punk-ish fashion, since he didn't feel comfortable wearing "typical" feminine clothes; this was also when he started dying his hair.

After high school & entering college, he realized a couple things about himself:

He's transgender(once he became aware of that, he felt a bit more comfortable dressing femininely, now that he understands the distinction between gender identity & gender presentation)

He's demisexual; he's had a few FWBs in college, but only with people he's felt comfortable with & close to(prior to this, he thought he was just bisexual, but biromantic is more fitting for him now)

He's in love with Liana; this one was a bit difficult to accept cause some of his insecurities about relationships & himself made him feel unsure about taking his relationship with her to that level. Eventually he does tell her how he feels....about a year or two after graduating college.

Forest has become a very precious OC for me since I first made him; I got to explore some of my thoughts & feelings on sexuality, gender identity & presentation through him.

I also feel more confident with his design over the years, I like how I've given him some of my own personal traits & have that reflected within him. And I've made a bunch of AUs with him to for fun & I've got so many already!

He's been a big creative inspiration for me for my art & writing, and I'm really glad this character I made on a whim became very important to my craft & my life!!