#since the covid situation is getting worse every day

[lw6-woso]

coping mechanism (Leah Williamson x reader)

OCD, it was something. when you first joined the Arsenal squad in 2018 the girls took notice quickly that you were some one of a clean an organising freak. the first time they really noticed was when they walked into your apartment for a team bonding night. everything was highly organised, you books you food and everything was perfectly clean like it was really impressive.

so when you and Leah moved in together, Leah got first hand of the struggles of our OCD and not just been organised and neat. the anxiety, the mood swings all the bad things Leah has witnessed.

it was a normal day and you both had just gotten back from training, you both showered and Leah went to do some work in the office whilst you were doing some organisation in the kitchen since it was getting on your last nerve. you were currently taking out everything from the cupboards and cleaning the cupboards, the things in the cupboards and then organising everything.

Leah had walked in half way through you being in your moment, and signed knowing that you were getting bad, that's what the girls like to call it it was stages, you would clean simple for example hoover and polish, you would clean excessively like lamps and do a real spring clean and then you would slowly get worse with organising closets, clothes and then going through the house and organising every part of the house over and over again. during these stages your wellbeing would get worse with your mood changes, sleep it would all get worse. worse was a key word in this situation.

Leah always struggled with this sort of things, never knowing the triggers as you didn't even know, it just happened.

"hey baby what you doing" she asked leaning on the door frame.

"this kitchen has been bothering me for a while" i said finishing off another cupboard.

"okay so what do you want for tea tonight" she said not knowing if the kitchen will be in cooking conditions tonight.

"takeout" you said almost instantly.

"okay what food you thinking" She said.

"i don't know I'm not that hungry you can choose love" you said to her and she nodded leaving you to it. Leah walked back into the office and ordered food and and asked Kim for some advise.

you were really getting along with the Kitchen finishing all the cupboards and sweeping and mopping before leaving the kitchen. you were walking towards the office still feeling awful you couldn't even describe the deep feeling you had within you. walking into the office you sat next to Leah fidgeting about.

"come on" Leah said getting up and grabbing your hand.

"what" you asked.

"we are going for a drive" she said as you walked out of the house. you didn't question what she was doing. you just let Leah drive off.

"what about food" you asked.

"we will pick it up" She said, and you did just that you picked up the food and continued to drive and drive hoping it'll clear your head. Leah parked up in front of the sunset, you sat there in silence not knowing what to say.

"what caused it" she said and you knew exactly what she was going on about and you knew the answer.

"my therapist suggested to change my prescription" you said.

"oh love, why didn't say anything" she said.

"i don't know i just thought id be fine" you said.

"so how do you feel about it all" she asked.

"in my gut i think its good idea like i haven't had to many slips and I'm progressing with everything but in my mind i think that if it change everything its just going to get worse and ill end up like i did after covid and i cant do that again" you said.

during and after covid was awful for you the germs and the news go to you and to summaries it all you refused to play football and when you did start to come back to training you went through a breakdown and you didn't come to training or play for almost a month.

"you won't because you have a strong support system and i think personally i think that you should try to change your dose so then if it doesn't work then you really know where you are and if you are improving and if it does work then your getting there its a long process as you know" she said.

"yeah" you said.

"one step at a time" she said and you looked at her and kissed her.

"i love you" you said to her.

"i love you more" she said back.

"not possible" you said to her kissing her again.

"right lets get home I'm shattered" Leah said and you agreed it had been a long day.

you both went home and straight to bed. over the next couple of weeks you agreed to change your dose and it had been the best decision you had made during the journey, you felt more free. you obviously had your moments with cleaning, that will never change as you were always a clean person before your diagnosis, but Leah was right with having a strong supportive system all the girls were rocks, and Leah especially having her to come home to made life so much easier.

#women football #woso community #woso imagine #engwnt #awfc #leah williamson #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson x you #leah williamson x reader #ocd #organisation #angst with a happy ending #fluff #woso fanfics #woso #woso x reader #arsenal women #arsenal #arsenal wfc #kim little #lionesses #england lionesses #england women

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

You might have seen me mentioning before the Palestinian Authority's "Pay for Slay" policy, where they pay Palestinian terrorists based on how deadly their attacks have been. Let me share something even worse: based on the Oslo peace accords from the 1990's, Israel collects the Palestinian tax money, and then passes it along to the PA. Which means, when Israel became aware of the "Pay for Slay" law (yes, turns out that it's a LAW, not just a program, that the Palestinian Authority pays terrorists... the same PA that now has the audacity to claim at the International court in Hague that Israel is committing a genocide, meaning the intentional destruction of, or a part of, a nation... I think a LAW that financially incentivizes terrorists to kill members of the Israeli nation fits), it also realized that Israeli authorities, paying with Israeli tax payer money for the work done by Israeli clerks tasked with doing this, has been collecting and passing along money that goes to pay Palestinian terrorists for having attacked, injured and murdered Israelis. In what world is that right? In what world is it moral to make a victim, through a "peace accord" participate in the payment to its victimizer? As part of the money collected by Israel and given to the PA, an annual 278 million dollars (!) are then passed by it to Palestinian terrorists for hurting and killing Israelis. The PA has already added Oct 7 terrorists, most of them Hamas members, to the list of those being paid thanks to the "Pay for Slay" law.

The annual payment was revealed thanks to a lawsuit by the parents of 26 years old Dalia Lemkus, who was stabbed to death in Nov 2014 by a Palestinian terrorist (he also injured 2 others. Dalia herself had survived a previous terrorist attack in 2006. On the day she was murdered, another Israeli was killed in a separate terrorist attack. I don't think most people realize just how intense Palestinian terrorism is). The lawsuit was filed against the PA, which has been paying him 3,300 dollars a month. This is Dalia, may her memory be a blessing:

I'm not gonna lie, I'm thinking about the fact that coincidentally, I've been at our Holocaust museum and education center since Nov 2014, with the purpose of helping to educate against antisemitism, racism, homophobia, every other type of generalized hatred that humans are capable of, and against genocide, which is the possible consequence of that type of hate. And a part of what's wrong with this world, is that even with me being a "veteran," I get paid less money a month than that Palestinian terrorist does for having murdered a Jewish woman based on that kind of generalized hatred. My income depends on how many tours, lectures or workshops I did that month, but in almost 10 years of working there, I have never had a month where I got a salary of 3,300 dollars, most months I don't make it to half of that, and I have had many months where my salary was zero (during Covid, and whenever the security situation is bad enough that no one comes to our museum). Don't get me wrong, I consciously made a choice to do this work, where my salary would be very low, because I wanted to do something meaningful, I'm not complaining, but I can't help thinking about the fact that a part of why antisemitism thrives, is because it IS socially and financially rewarded, clearly more so than fighting it. That was true before and during the Holocaust, and sadly has been true since as well.

I would love to understand how the evacuation of civilian Gazans out of the war zone is described as "ethnic cleansing" or worse, but not the evacuation of Ukrainian civilians out of those war zones, and not the evacuation of a Hamas-affiliated Al Jazeera "journalist" (who documented himself in southern Israel during Hamas' massacre), taken out of Gaza to Egypt, to be flown from there to Qatar, one of the two great financiers of Hamas (along with Iran). Qatar has not opened up its gates to wounded Gazan civilians. It's clear Ismail Abu Omar was given this special treatment precisely because he is a Hamas terrorist. What's scary about this possibility is that the IDF didn't know he was smuggled out of Gaza, begging the question, who else is Hamas smuggling out? Also, this is Hamas' middle finger to anyone claiming Gaza is closed off, and an open air prison or concentration camp...

Speaking of Qatar, it is currently hosting the swimming world championship. Israeli swimmer Anastasia Gorbenko won a silver medal, a huge Israeli achievement, but she got repeatedly booed by the crowd, including during the medals ceremony. Anastasia has a childhood classmate who is currently held hostage in Gaza. She dedicated her medal to him.

A TV report by an Israeli journalist (source in Hebrew) is about a Hamas document dated May 2023, which the IDF found, the summary of a Hamas leaders meeting. It details some of the considerations for the timing of "the big project," listing 4 Jewish holidays as possibilities for the massacre (including Yom Kippur, the holiest day in the Jewish year, and Simchat Torah, when the massacre actually took place), so it's clear Hamas was always going to use our holy days against us. Another thing mentioned is that Hamas must strike before Israel deploys Magen Or (literally: shield of light, but most publications in English refer to it as Iron Beam), the laser-based defense system meant to complement Iron Dome. The system has been making a lot of progress, enough that by Oct 2023 there have been reports on it becoming operational soon. The document mentions making Israel used to Hamas conducting large scale exercises close to the border, so that the commotion ahead of the massacre wouldn't look abnormal, and it also mentions making use of Palestinian Islamic Jihad, the second biggest Palestinian terrorist organization in Gaza. It wasn't included in the plans, but was being relied on. In recent years, all of Israel's operations in Gaza have been against PIJ, and Hamas chose not to join them, the document indicates that this was done in order to reinforce the idea in Israel that Hamas is more interested in the wellfare of Gazans, than in killing Israelis. At the same time, the document warns not to let PIJ fuck up Hamas' planned operation.

I did not write about the private initiative of family members to send medications through international mediators to Hamas, meant for the hostages, for the simple reason that I did not for a second believe Hamas would give the hostages these meds. I didn't wanna get my hopes up, when logically, I was sure such initiatives were futile. Now, thanks to the IDF's operation in the Nasser hospital in Khan Younis, we have confirmation that these meds were found in its pharmacy, with the names of the hostages on the unopened boxes, meaning the kidnapped Israelis never got them. We can assume the meds were kept in the hospital pharmacy, either to serve Hamas terrorists, or to be sold, with the money going to Hamas.

This is Matan ben Ari, the last Israeli injured on Oct 7 (out of thousands) to be discharged from the hospital on Dec 1, almost two full months after Hamas' massacre. People spontaneously gathered around to applaud him as he was making his way out:

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #israelunderattack #resources

[reasoningdaily]

Florida leads the nation in book bans.

It had more than double the bans of No. 2 Texas, according to a new report by national free speech group PEN America.

The report found 3,362 instances of books banned across the nation in the 2022-23 school year, up 33% from the previous one. Forty percent of those were courtesy of Florida school districts.

"Over two years, there's a pretty clear trend line of this getting worse, and this is becoming normalized," said Jonathan Friedman, PEN America's director of free expression and education programs. "I think the situation in Florida is really just escalating to a place that feels almost unimaginable to a year ago."

A year ago...

School districts across Florida have purged titles from their library shelves since DeSantis signed the Curriculum Transparency Act last year. It came as COVID-19 controversies brought more attention to what was happening in schools, especially from conservative activists and groups like Moms for Liberty. 

As local chapters spring up across the state and nation, Moms for Liberty has become one of the leading voices trying to remove “inappropriate” books from schools.

DeSantis touted the law as a way to increase parental involvement in education and prevent "indoctrination."  It requires districts to catalog every book they offer and put a formal review process in place for complaints

Then came House Bill 1069, which took effect July 1, further creating wildly-varyinginterpretations on what books should be removed from schools — and putting in question even more books. The law requires school districts to remove within five days any book challenged for including pornography or sexual conduct until the complaint is resolved.

Also coming into play over the last two years are state laws prohibiting instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity in school. School districts have removed books citing that law, though Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody recently said it doesn't apply to books.

A look at the books

The Florida Department of Education recently released a list that school districts removed 386 book removals from 1,218 total objections last year.

But those are just titles that school boards decided to remove after receiving objections. PEN America's report goes beyond that and says state school districts banned 1,406. That's up from 566 last year.

The group's definition of a school book ban: "Any action taken against a book based on its content and as a result of parent or community challenges, administrative decisions, or in response to direct or threatened action by lawmakers or other governmental officials, that leads to a previously accessible book being either completely removed from availability to students, or where access to a book is restricted or diminished."

The list included books that were removed following official objections as well as unofficial ones, such as from concerned emails. The biggest portion of listed banned books are ones school districts removed pending a review of its content.

More than three quarters of books banned across the nation were books meant for younger audiences, like young adult, middle grade and picture books.

Nearly half of banned books included instances of violence or physical abuse, according to the report. Books with topics on student health and wellbeing made up 42%, and a third depicted sexual experiences.

Books with characters of color and themes or race and racism made up 30%. So did titles with LGTBQ characters or themes.

"Hyperbolic and misleading rhetoric about 'porn in schools,' 'sexually explicit,' 'harmful,' and 'age inappropriate' materials led to the removal of thousands of books covering a range of topics and themes for young audiences," reads the report. "Overwhelmingly, book bans target books on race or racism or featuring characters of color, as well as books with LGBTQ+ characters."

Federal lawmakers bicker on book bans:U.S. Senate hearing takes on book bans; Democrats highlight DeSantis' Florida policies

How one group goes after school books:Rockin' and rollin' with book challenges: Internal emails show Moms for Liberty plans

Context on the culture wars

What books should be on school shelves has been not only a question but a pivotal battle in Florida — and national — culture wars.

It’s far from resolved. The two sides can't even agree on the term "book ban."

This was highlighted during a United States Senate Judiciary Committee hearing from earlier this month.

“To put it bluntly, books aren’t being banned,” said Max Eden, one of the Republicans' witnesses and a research fellow for the American Enterprise Institute. 

Eden, who has done research disputing book ban claims, pointed to how removed books could still be purchased on Amazon. He said that most of the books claimed to be banned by national book access advocates are still in school libraries. 

But, for books that are removed, he said communities have to draw a line somewhere. He went on to read an explicit passage from “All Boys Aren’t Blue,” a memoir and manifesto by George M. Johnson, who reflects on growing up Black and queer. It’s listed as one of the nation’s most banned books by PEN America.

DeSantis has taken a similar tack in responding to the controversy. 

He’s maintained that the idea of book bans across Florida, which have made many headlines, is a "hoax." Conversely, though, he’s bashed books that have been recently restricted in public schools as pornographic, violent or otherwise inappropriate.

“Exposing the ‘book ban’ hoax is important because it reveals that some are attempting to use our schools for indoctrination,” DeSantis said in a statement. “In Florida, pornographic and inappropriate materials that have been snuck into our classrooms and libraries to sexualize our students violate our state education standards."

#Florida is the nation's book banning leader #according to national free speech group #florida #education #Black History #Black Florida History #Black Books Matter #book banning #florida is the book banning haven of white supremacy #desantistan #white hate

[mydearzero]

can you pls do a pt 2 of last 3 sins it was rlly good 🤭

The Last Three Sins | Part II | E.M. x gn!Reader

MASTERLIST

Part 1 I have covid, it's 2 am & I didn't beta read so take that for what you want

Summary: You can't stop thinking about Eddie since last week, and Robin notices. Time to drive Dustin to Hellfire one more time and confront your desires.

A bit smuttier than the last, plus some best friend fluff with Robin

Gender Neutral Reader

The days were slowly getting longer, the sunshine lingering on your skin with a warmth you'd missed since last summer. As you enjoyed the sunlight with your eyes closed, Robin startled you. "Okay, we were out of lemonade, so I brought some water and soda because I didn't know what you wanted. I also brought some snacks, but- hey, are you even listening?" 

Your mind had been a jumbled mess since the... situation with Eddie. You had let your eyes wander to the metalhead one too many times in class. What once had been a mere fascination was slowly turning into infatuation. Your fingers absentmindedly made their way up to your neck.

"Honestly, what has gotten into you? You've been off all week, well, more than usual. I'm starting to wonder if I need to get Steve involved to talk some sense into you because you are OBVIOUSLY. NOT. LISTENING." A bag of chips hit your head. 

"I'm fine, Robin. Just got a lot on my mind." You sighed as you sank your sunglasses back down on your face. Maybe you should've told her, but she'd make a big deal about it. Or even worse, she'd make fun of you. You loved Robin but every now and then, she really knew how to get under your skin.

"Okay, freaky monster Upside Down, a lot? Or I'm in love with Eddie Munson, a lot? Because those are two very different problems that require two very different solutions. Unless you want to get freaky with Vecna to see if that'll kill him, then the solutions are actually quite similar. Hey, do you think he'd even have the abil- HEY!" Robin gasped as you threw the same bag of chips at her face that she'd thrown at yours. 

"What the hell are you insinuating?" You were absolutely not in love with Eddie. He was just... pretty. And funny. And sweet. Maybe a little crush, sure.

"You've looked at him like he was the second coming of Christ for the last few weeks now. Are you seriously still under the impression you hate him?" You hadn't realized you'd been that obvious. Besides, you didn't want to date him, did you? You just liked the physical bonus that would come with it. 

"Dustin told me, you know. Well, he told Steve and Steve told me, but that's basically the same as Dustin telling me. That you stayed behind after Hellfire last week, alone with Eddie." Robin raised her eyebrows in question. 

"Nothing happened! He just wanted to have a little... talk." 

"So you're saying if he'd wanted something else, something would've happened?" 

"Well, if he did, he wouldn't have left me hanging the way he did," You grumbled as you turned away to pluck at the grass. There was no use in hiding your true feelings from Robin. The girl could read you like you were her favourite magazine. 

Robin clapped as she let out a laugh. "Oh, this is amazing. What happened?" 

"Let's just say he noticed me watching and decided to give me a closer look and feel. But he didn't kiss me or do anything of note whatsoever, so don't get your panties twisted."

A comfortable silence surrounded you as you both took a sip of your sodas. You turned back to look at Robin, unable to gauge her reaction without seeing. She picked at the grass as a tiny smirk made its way onto her face. 

"It's his hands, right?" 

"Jesus, Robin. I told you that in confidence!" You smacked her as she squealed. You'd indulged about your.. thing for hands one drunken night. It was the same night Robin had come out to you, however, so you'd kind of assumed she'd overlooked your silly confession. 

"But it is, right? With the rings and all?" The question lingered in the air as a slow smile crept on your lips to match hers. 

"Yeah, Robin, it's his hands." You finally divulged. 

"What are you gonna do?" Robin finally asked. That was the age-old question. What were you gonna do? 

"He obviously expects me to be at Hellfire tonight after what happened last week, so I guess I'm still driving Dustin after dinner and seeing what happens." 

"Do let me know, will you? Or don't, depending on the whole 'Is-Getting-Freaky-The-Solution' kind of thing. Just... tell me if something happens but not what, because that's disgusting." 

"You are a peculiar person, Robin Buckley. But I will." 

_________________________________________________________

When Dustin got in your car, you knew he was dying to ask. You didn't indulge, that's a whole ass child. 

You didn't want to get out of the car. You didn't want to give Eddie the satisfaction of knowing you'd returned. Came back to see him.

You sucked it up and slammed the car door shut. You walked into the school and followed Dustin to the theatre classroom in silence. Your eyes met Eddie's in an instant, and you immediately noticed the sparkle of mischief in them. 

You didn't want to glance down at his hands, but he ran them through his hair expertly, diverting your attention from his eyes. He was wearing more rings than usual, his nails freshly painted black. He knew you'd noticed when your lips parted slightly. 

Two could play that game, however. You took off your jacket and adjusted your clothes and everything else, so your neck and collarbones were now on full display. He'd seemed to like them, after all. You sat down on a chair to the side, making sure to be in his eye line at all times. 

He played like usual, only sparing you a glance once or twice. Did he enjoy knowing you'd be forced to look at him while he could not give you the light of day? Did he relish in you observing his every move? 

The game felt like it went on forever, yet was over in the blink of an eye. You didn't know whether he'd make you stay behind again or if he had some other wicked plan to make you suffer. 

Your question was answered as Dustin walked off with Jeff without turning back or questioning anything. You felt Eddie's hands rest on your shoulders, turning you to face him. They slowly but steadily made their way to your hips, pulling them closer. 

"You drive me fucking insane, sweetheart. Looking at me all week with those pleading eyes. Begging me to do something." He whispered in your ear as he moved to let his lips trail against your neck. He took your chin in his hand and turned your face to whisper in your other ear. 

"Is this what you wanted, hmm?" He didn't kiss your neck or nip at it. Just the ghostly touch of his lips leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

"Please." 

He tutted at the plead. "I thought we talked about this, darling. Impatience. Greed. Lust. Very blasphemous, don't you think?" He took your earlobe between his teeth before allowing his hands to roam to find your own. He took them in his and set them against his chest before making them trail down. "I guess that makes us two sinners. Do you feel what you do to me?" 

Feel you did. Your hands seemingly moved on their own, pulling him closer to find any friction. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he pushed you up against the table. That same table. This time you felt him lift you to sit back, pushing your legs open to stand between them. 

"If you want something, all you need to do is ask," Eddie smirked. You let your gaze move down to his neck and the exposed end of a tattoo which was on his chest. 

"Kiss me." 

"Hmm, I think you can do better than that." You gaped at his comment. Was he being serious? Did he not want this as much as you? 

He placed his hands on your thighs and leaned in close. "Beg for me." 

His fingers stroked up and down your thighs now, making sure to never go up too high, but enough to drive you crazy. 

"Unless you don't want to, of course. You can leave if that's what you want. But you don't want that, do you?" Your head shook 'no' frivolously. You cursed at your desperation.

 "Then beg." 

"Please, Eddie." You leaned forward, almost falling off the table if it weren't for Eddie standing between your legs. 

"Please what?" 

You all but whined. "Please, kiss me, Eddie. Please." You felt yourself swallow your pride once more. Funny, as you'd accused him of being Mr Pride only a week prior. 

"Ask, and you shall receive." His left hand located your cheek, while his right found its home on your neck once again. The rings might not be cold, as they'd long been heated by his hands, but that didn't make them any less prominent against your skin. "This is what you wanted, right? My hand around your pretty little neck while I kiss you?" 

You nodded and pressed your lips against his, desperate for something to finally happen. Eddie kissed back with a vigour you hadn't anticipated. He desired this just as much as you did. 

Your hand found its way under his shirt, slowly making its way up to his chest. You felt the uneven skin of his scars. He moved to kiss your neck, surely leaving an abundance of marks for you to discover in the morning. His fingers caressed in tandem with his mouth, leaving you gasping and breathless. 

You whined as he suddenly stepped back to marvel at his work. He grinned as he took you in, desperate for him, marks adorning your neck, chest heaving. 

"A masterpiece, if I do say so myself. Now, c'mon. I'm pretty sure security will be coming in any moment now to check if we're gone. Can't have them find you here like this, now can I?" 

You'd survived the Upside Down. Dealt with a Demogorgon. But Eddie? Eddie Munson was going to be the death of you. 

"Wipe that stupid smile off your face, Munson." 

_______________________

Taglist: @alicefallsintotherabbithole

#eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x gender neutral reader #eddie munson x gn!reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things s4 #stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut

[scarletspider-lily]

this is going to be a pretty long rant.

so my family is church of Christ (so like, babtist lite). I am a closeted agnostic. unfortunately, it's getting pretty obvious because my younger sister got babtized a few years ago, and I still haven't. I basically told my mom that since covid I've been disassociating, and can't "feel god".

she has freaked out and is using every chance to push religion on me. it's getting rough. what makes it worse is that our church hasn't had a permanent preacher since April. there's also this guy named C. C's family is very entrenched in our church. C has been both song leader and college group leader (our church is very close with a local college) for several years. C's sons run AV and events. C's dad was a preacher, and is now an elder. now, C wants to be preacher.

my mom is starting to think C is subconciously hungry for power in the church and is considering moving to a different church. however, she hates all the other surrounding churches of Christ. so she told me that we'd visit around and find whatever church helped me "feel god" best.

now I could totally reinvent myself at a new church, get babtized just to please her, and all would be well. except she wants me to do Bible studies on her Bible app and do family devotionals and watch her terrible preachy Zionist leaning YouTube channels. I'm exhausted. no matter what I do she'll keep badgering me because she believes it's her duty to make sure I get to heaven. I can't even ignore her, recently we went on a road trip and she got started on the topic again, and because I refused to talk to her about it, she pulled the car over and wouldn't move again until I talked. she begged me, said that the silent treatment was worse than anything I could throw at her, but I know how terrible my life will be if she finds out the truth. on top of that, I'm gay and hiding the fact that I'm dating one of my best friends.

she's even trying to find a church for me in a different city for when I move away for college. at least I only have 8 more months in this house.

my 18th birthday is in a few days, but I know that me being an adult won't change things. she's the parent, so she has the power. she'll never be happy until I'm under her control.

I know you probably don't have any advice, I just had to say it somewhere. I'm so tired.

hey, sorry for seeing this so late. to be honest, i dont have advice but i hope your situation improves, i can relate to some of it, like the finding a church when you move for college thing. once again i'm sorry for the late reply but i hope you know that youre in my thoughts, and i sincerely wish everything goes well and yeah, being 18 but still under your parents is rough, but not uncommon. it is good you're moving out though, i hope you can somehow find a way to lie that you're attending church or something, or just attend a few services- either way i hope it will be better than you staying at home now!

#asks #exvangelical

[chickalupe]

Feeling very down right now, just want to vent...

(Treating this like my old Livejournal since I don't really have anywhere else I can complain LMAO)

I've been out of work since August after completely running out of FMLA.

Between getting severe COVID in February and being out recovering for 6 weeks -- and then with Long COVID making the chronic fatigue and migraines I already had even worse -- I ended up missing so much work that I used all the time FMLA allowed before the year was even half over.

I'm living with my parents now and don't really have income except my savings; honestly most days I don't have the physical or mental spoons to even contemplate applying for even a part-time remote position yet. Thankfully I also have a retirement fund I am slowly cashing in, even if that also isn't really sustainable long-term. (But me losing my insurance will definitely be an issue soon when I run out of refills for my prescription meds...)

I'm aware that I've been pretty isolated since August; I've gotten maybe like two texts from former co-workers. I'm mostly asleep during the daytime and don't drive, so going out is hard. The person I consider my BFF is out of state and is busy with their own life. The only people I talk to most days are my Mom and Dad. (Admittedly, I am also pretty terrible about calling or texting people!) Tumblr has thus been the majority of my social interaction, for good or ill.

On top of all that, my birthday is this Friday and I always find myself depressed anyway this time of year. Like, it's probably half Seasonal Affective Disorder, and half a reminder that I'm a year older and having mixed feelings about where I am in life, IDK... But the current situation of *gestures vaguely at everything* isn't helping. So I am very blergh in general.

My parents and I had made vague plans a couple weeks ago that we could all go out for dinner on my actual birthday; nothing fancy, maybe the nearest sit-down Mexican restaurant. I was kinda looking forward to it. Mom just informed me that she is now unavailable after 5pm on my b-day itself since she offered to babysit kids for someone in their church that evening and night. We can't do it tomorrow night either, because Mom & Dad will be at a craft show from 4pm to 10pm.

And... it's fine, I guess. I'm disappointed but I'm an adult. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum or yell and cry or try to guilt her about it. She brought me flowers from the grocery store as a sort of peace offering and says we can still have cake or whatever. We'll probably do something on Saturday instead.

But EVERY YEAR, it's something. Last year, it was the cheesecake I asked for as a birthday cake getting dropped on the way into the house from the car; over half of it was smushed and then Dad stole the best remaining slice for himself. The two years before that, it was during the worst of the pandemic so I just had mediocre delivery food. I literally cannot remember the last birthday I really enjoyed in over a decade and half.

Another big source of anxiety right now -- we found out have 60 days to move since the leasing company is selling this house. So we have to find a new place, be packed and then move by January. Meanwhile home inspectors, realty agents and potential buyers are walking through while we're still living here, and it's super stressful. Words can't express how much I hate strangers being here any and all days of the week.

I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm not trying to be whiny or woe-is-me, but my mental health right now is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Not Great (tm) 😅. I do try hard to be positive but it just takes so much energy and I'm stressed and a little numb.

Not really sure how to end this. I just really needed to put it all in writing as a journal-type situation so that I don't end up crying in real life LOL.

Current Mood: burnt-out 😑

Current Music: HGTV playing in the background

#personal #don't reblog #personal don't reblog #vent post #life update

[aethesfaelibrarae]

Are You Normal about Furries, Bronies and Neopronouns? And More Social Justice Litmus Tests You're Probably Failing

Listen—

I'm not saying that you have to like Furries. I'm not even saying that they're not cringe.

What I am saying is, this: just like any other fandom, there's what people find the most accessible part of the fandom (ie, the Loud part) and then there's what people find solace in. The first hurdle, at it's core, is asking the question: are you okay with weirdos that you personally don't like, understand or associate with? Are you okay with seeing a furry on TikTok, on Twitter, in real life existing? There are some people who really can't be. And that's how we get to the point where a librarian is bullied off the Internet, armchair headcanonned as autistic and no doubt traumatized. Because, at the end of the day, this question isn't so much "are you OK with Furries?" but have you grown up past the need to have your worldview palatable to you—or do you still need to have easily digestable weirdos to treat them as humans?

Bronies is that next step—mental image the Internet has instilled in a lot of us aside, the question becomes that of nuance. Can you acknowledge that two things can be true?

1) In this day and age, it is not only unfair but illogical to expect and demand that adult fans of a particular media not engage with that media in the ways that they would engage with other types of media. I'm talking about Bronies, yes but also Avatar the Last Airbender fans, Steven Universe, Adventure Time, Bluey and countless others.

There's this rise in black and white purity and pearl-clutching type of thinking that ends up like a worse version of every dystopia.

2) Should the adults in these spaces understand that any new additions to that media is not for them and that these spaces that they are apart of are, more likely than not, predominantly occupied by minors? Yes, of course!

The problem and stumbling point for this is... Too many people view this as a one or the other situation. I've seen minors proudly disregard 18+ warnings, I've seen adults arguing with, doxxing and being creeps. I find pro-shippers confusing and abhorrent. I don't have any easy fix for how to approach this. All I can do is put warnings, block/ban any minor engaging in unsafe behavior on my blog(s) [especially if they're brazenly foolhardy enough to announce it] and not be a creep myself. I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to ignore whatever the Internet calls the new "old age" and do my own thing.

Neopronouns—what really is the final boss for some people but not the final boss here.

After being an unpaid gender and sexuality 111 professor for two years, I say with extreme prejudice and exhaustion, ask me for my cashapp before you ask me questions or get to Googling*. Neopronouns have been around since Shakespeare. Singular They predates Singular You as a pronoun. Please go update your resume and do something worthwhile, find a hobby, grow a garden, something, anything else other than being mad at the person using fae/faer, frog, star or bun/bunself pronouns. You don't have to understand it, just respect it. And if you don't want to, maybe just don't engage with them??

Moving on to some newer ones. The major questions are—do you rock with Hawaii and Palestine? The Congo and Sudan? Do you support these places being free? Are you boycotting Starbucks and McDonald's? Are you watching Gaza and Rafah? Are you using your phone and other tech for as long as you can? Avoiding blood diamonds even more now? What are your thoughts about Covid? Are you still masking in public?

As we wind down, I also have to throw in the very basics, the ones that I always base my morals on—do you put the grocery store cart back? How do you treat waitstaff and people that you perceive as having some power over? If you see someone stealing groceries, especially baby formula, what do you do?

Answer these questions in your heart of hearts and sit with it. More than anything, this is specifically trying to call out the Vote Blue No Matter Who crowd and the brand of I'm a Good Person because I'm Better than You Liberal/left-facing centrist.

To be frank with you, I genuinely think that you fail some of the questions spectacularly and that's why you struggle with dismantling capitalism, white supremacy or anything else you claim to be so very against.

Because at the end of the day, when the revolution comes, you will be holding hands with at least one disabled Brony Furry with a name you can't say, neopronouns and dyed hair. Or when it's already too late and the voice of the people has gone deep underground, you will be face to face with the worst of survivors and no gentle voice to guide you through your moral quandary, just bitter, tired activists or people who waffle in the face of what needs to be done.

Your cognitive reasoning will shut down the moment you get offended. You should answer these questions and then sit with why you're offended.

And then if you still have the forethought to type, go donate, go click on the Arab site that's under 90% of activist accounts or bios. I promise you that the energy will be better used for them.

**Googling has become a skill especially in this Age of Misinformation and algorithms—there are always alternatives if you know where to look and again, request how you can compensate for the time and effort it'll take me to find you sources and then we'll talk.

—Aethe the Librarywyrm

#writing #creative writing #free palestine #free gaza #palestine #introspection #kind of journalism #social justice

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

So I'm a therapist right? I mostly work with teens and adults these days, but I have a few young kids on my caseload, and I've been a case worker for foster youth before with mostly under-12s on my caseload, so school aged kids are an area of special focus for me.

Which is how I found myself trawling my union's school-age-kids current events newsletter this week and stumbling across this little gem of an article.

The article is rightly critical of the school administrators responsible for the sudden spike in kids being barred from school until they're cleared by a licensed clinician. They rightly connect this suddenly flourishing policy as an extension of the history of isolating disabled and high needs kids in rooms that range from horrific to an offensive caricature of a safe space. I actually really appreciate how careful the author was to address the impacts/motovations across the board of these kinds of policies, and think they did a decent job of holding space for the many horrors of how this came about.

I've worked with a lot of other mental health providers, and have even done crisis work like that which districts are proposing parents use to get their kids cleared for return. I've also worked with a lot of school staff and understand just how difficult it can be to meet kids' needs in many schools. There is something so emotionally devastating to me to realize that this is yet another sign of our fracturing education system post-COVID. I've been watching most of the institutions involved in the care and wellbeing of communities (esp children) limp along the road in a desperate effort to keep providing services to the millions who rely on them. I've been marking each critical failure that becomes the new normal in these systems as the confluence of factors that makes up The COVID-19 Pandemic steadily degrades our ability to do our jobs. I've been screaming as loudly as I can in every advocacy setting I am permitted in that we are watching these systems collapse in real time and we absolutely cannot allow it to continue.

It is admittedly extremely hard to do that day in and out while maintaining a sense of optimism but I'm doing my best. We all are.

I'm aware that to many it may not seem like much. And I definitely grant that this mechanism of informal removal/segregation for students isn't new. But the frequency with which it's used definitely is. And sure, it's easy to say things like "see, virtual home destroyed kids mental health they're doing so much worse now" or "schools are so understaffed and overwhelmed that they're no longer capable of managing students' needs" or "well, maybe this wouldn't be as big a problem if it weren't for the fact that 47 out of 40 US states fail to meet the well-being standards of 1 school social worker for every 250 kids" (I need you to understand that this bar is so fucking low that it makes me physically sick, being responsible for 250 students as 1 social worker is absurd to the point of cruelty to the kids and the adults in that situation, and 47 states have WORSE ratios) or even "well, of course it's awful but what are the schools supposed to DO, they can't put other students at risk even if the risk is the result of a systemic and catastrophic failure".

I don't think I have answers on my own honestly, but I do know of at least a few points of intersection that are definitely making this worse.

At least 2.6 million educators have quit their jobs since the start of the pandemic.

Child care workers died during the pandemic at a rate of about 38 per 100,000, educators died at a rate of about 15 per 100,000, and I actually cannot find rates of death among my own profession (within the US at least, I have found statistics for the UK, Canada, Spain, and a bunch of other countries and the fact that mine appears to have simply neglected to track the deaths of my colleagues and friends is sometbing I scream about into my pillow at night) but can tell you anecdotally that my graduating MSW class was down several dozengraduate students to COVID-19 deaths by the time I finished the program. These elevated death rates appear throughout healthcare, education, and essential & service workers broadly.

For many care professions there are quite literally not enough new workers-in-training to replace those lost to death, retirement, or career change related to the pandemic.

Surveys are showing that the mass exodus isn't even over yet, as some report that nearly half of remaining healthcare workers intend to leave their jobs by 2025. If we already don't have enough people coming into the field to replace who we've lost over the past 3 years, I cannot even fathom how we are supposed to replace so many more over the next 3.

A recent policy review from the Economic Policy Institute found that even in times of economic and social comfort, schools are receiving an inadequate amount of funding across the board, meaning they are unable to spare the resources to prepare for periods of economic and social hardship when funding often gets cut back even further.

Care professions are notoriously underpaid, even before the pandemic, and often rife with labor protection exemptions and workplace abuse.

I'm genuinely not trying to be alarmist, but I need people to understand that my colleagues and I are desperately trying to steer a sinking ship. There weren't enough of us to meet demand (and we ran ourselves ragged to only sort of manage it anyway) even before the pandemic massively expanded the need for our services. We died en masse. We got sick en masse. We sacrificed everything until there was nothing left of us en masse. Our systems are collapsing and we can't do anything to stop it unless people start supporting and advocating for us (and by extension for yourselves).

Many workers are considered essential by legal and social definition, and while I always love a good debate about whether and how to overhaul that, the reality is our essential systems are disintegrating under the weight of decades of popicy failure and 3 years of psychological (and physical) torture. If we don't DO something, these systems will fail altogether.

I'm not in the business of trying to predict exactly how long that will take but. Looking around myself? I think it'll be sooner than any of us would like. I'm tired. And I'm a relative infant in my career at only 7 years of service. I don't even qualify for profession-based student loan forgiveness yet (yet another factor making this worse: many of us are tens of thousands if jot hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for our undergraduate and professional/technical degrees). I help mentor and supervise the interns at my practice, and I can't tell you how many zoom calls I've sat through comforting someone sobbing their way through a breakdown and on the verge of walking away forever. I can't bear it, reassuring these kind, wonderful people that they CAN do this, that it gets easier with time, that "we all hit a wall around this time in school and you've been through so much, I'm so proud of you". I can't keep telling these newbies that they can and should put themselves through this because we need them so desperately, they deserve better.

I've lost the plot of my own post and am just drowning in grief now. Grief for my colleagues, grief for my patients and clients and everyone who needs our services. Grief for the work that I love and how it is changing in ways that threaten all the progress so many of us spend every day fighting for.

I have sat in rooms with congress people and demanded to know where the funding was on all their fucking bullshit legislation creating commities and implementing new demands on workers when we already can't meet the existing ones. I have screamed at union meetings about caseload/care ratios and the constant overtime shifts. I have stared wealthy CEOs in the face and informed them that they either need to hire more staff, up our pay, or refine our job descriptions because the current status quo is killing their staff.

I need people to see that we are hurtling towards a point of no return and help us. All of us. Every new report about services cutting corners and riding the grey space of legal versus ethical is a canary in the coal mine, and pretty soon the air is going to be too toxic to breathe.

Anyway, if you have no idea where to start learning about/advocating around these issues, most professional oversight organizations have a policy and advocacy section on thejr websites where they talk about that. Mine, NASW, can be found here. Most of our professions also have industry-specific unions, and they'll have similar pages on their sites. If you have the bandwidth and inclination, please please PLEASE, start familiarizing yourself with the work being done to protect us and you and all of our access to essential services and care. And if you have someone in your life who's an educator, a direct care worker, a healthcare worker, etc, maybe give them a hug and tell them you love them and find out if there is any daily life busy work you could take care of for them so they can have just a little more time to rest in their day.

[nnnnooooaaaa]

@duelist-of-fire

With the Covid lockdown Seto found himself with more time on his hands without going to and from his office, across town to meet with other departments and retailers, to press events, and to business conferences across the world and everything else that normally kept him busy all day every day.

When he was busy he didn’t have time to think about the past. Now though he worked remotely for the most part, with his meetings limited to Zoom.

It was nice in the beginning. The first week was delightful; he could stay in bed longer. He could eat breakfast with Nova. He could even go back to sleep after catching up on answering emails. He could play games with his wife and with Atem and catch up on tv shows he liked but was always behind on.

The joy in the games were fading, especially as the worldwide situation was getting grimmer. Atem started isolating better instead of coming over.

It was fine really. He had his other best friend, his wife. It was fine until it wasn’t. Until this house was getting to him. He wasn’t busy enough to keep himself from thinking about where he was and where they had been.

He knew he was relapsing into old food avoidant behavior he thought he had moved past. But there were calories in alcohol right? He wasn’t going to die.

It really wasn’t like him to be drinking whiskey concealed by a coffee mug at a morning department meeting over zoom. Did he even like whiskey? Sometimes it was wine. Much better.

How many times had he lied to Nova that he either wasn’t hungry or has already eaten?

Pegasus and Taylor wanted them to visit for a while. Yes. Maybe that’s all he needed was time away from the house. Nova had had the same idea, telling him they were going.

Pegasus and Taylor were hardly affected by the lockdown. They loved being home. Taylor loved that he was there more often, but not much had changed for them. Max had already been working partly at his home office, and he wasn’t one to volunteer to wake up early even under normal work circumstances. They were having fun with this.

So why did Seto feel like trash instead of being more fun for Nova? (Definitely not because he had never engaged with his trauma in any meaningful, restorative way.) He would give her more attention tonight. After rejecting Atem’s pleas for playing on Duel Links following his last zoom meeting of the evening.

A shared bath helped to clear his head and to focus on Nova. None of his stress mattered in this moment with her in his arms. But god he was tired. Still, by the time they got to bed, he was able to continue worshipping her a while longer, indulging on her breasts, filling her again…

Then his mood faltered afterward, guilt clawing into his mind and shredding apart short lived joy.

(Atem texted Nova: something is wrong with him if he won’t duel me 😠)

He woke to darkness in the early morning, horror dawning on him at the realization the dreams that had been plaguing him ever since his mental health took a turn (a generous word— more of a spiral) were not dreams at all.

It had been much worse with Gozaburo than he thought.

He got dressed and moved quietly to try to avoid waking Nova, slowly closing the balcony door and pouring himself another drink, hands shaking.

When he heard the door open some time later he tried to calm his erratic breaths but couldn’t bear to be seen like this, covering his face although his back was to her.

“I can’t go back to that house.”

[beardedmrbean]

The GOP-led House on Thursday passed its first major border security bill since gaining control of the lower chamber, timed to coincide with the end of a pandemic-era policy tightening border control.

The bill passed 219-213 almost entirely along party lines – all but two Republicans voted in favor and every Democrat against. Two Democrats and one Republican did not vote.

The bill faces strong headwinds in the Senate, where due to Democrats' narrow majority it is not likely to pass.

How it works: The GOP's Secure the Border Act would restore construction on a southwest border wall and hinder asylum access. It would also cut a program that lets U.S. officials quickly accept or turn back some migrants from Venezuela, Haiti, Cuba and Nicaragua, who can apply to come to the U.S. for two years legally and work. Ukrainian refugees could also be impacted, in theory, since they are in the U.S. under the same type of agreement.

Why now?: The vote comes as Title 42 is set to end at 11:59 p.m. Thursday when the pandemic public health emergency is terminated.  The policy allowed Customs and Border Protection to turn migrants away in an effort to prevent COVID-19 from spreading in holding facilities. 

Because a wave of migrants seeking to enter the U.S. are expected at the southwest border with the policy's end, the Pentagon is deploying 1,500 active-duty troops to help U.S. Customs and Border Patrol manage the expected surge.

What the Senate wants: The Senate is proposing its own bill, which has bipartisan support and is led by Sens. Thom Tillis, R-N.C., and Kyrsten Sinema, I-Ariz. Their bill, which is co-sponsored by Sens. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va., and John Cornyn, R-Texas, would give the Biden administration a two-year extension on the functions of Title 42. It would allow the administration to expel migrants, but it would not be tied to a public health emergency like Title 42.

Why this matters: Members of Congress, including some in the president's Democratic Party, have complained the Biden administration has no real plan for addressing the end of Title 42 and ongoing border crisis. They say their plans offer a solution in the absence of strong leadership.

What McCarthy is saying: "More than 11,000 migrants were caught yesterday crossing the border illegally, the highest single day total ever," House Speaker Kevin McCarthy said on the chamber floor Wednesday. "This is President Biden's record on the border. Record crossings. Record carelessness. Record chaos."

Senate Democrats respond: Sen. Bob Menendez, D-N.J., criticized the administration for sending 1,500 troops to the border.

"The Administration has had over two years to plan for the eventual end of this Trump-era policy in a way that does not compromise our values as a country," he said in a statement. "I have offered them a strategic and comprehensive plan, which they have largely ignored. Trying to score political points or intimidate migrants by sending the military to the border caters to the Republican Party’s xenophobic attacks on our asylum system.”

Manchin, a Democrat up for reelection in a red state, said: "It is truly a shame we continue to govern from crisis to crisis. Despite ample notice about the pending expiration of Title 42, the Administration has failed to properly secure our southern border. The immigration crisis is only getting worse and our broken immigration system is ill-equipped to handle it."

What Biden said: Biden on Tuesday said the border situation will be "chaotic for a while." In New York on Wednesday, he said there has been "chaos at the border for a number of years."

Part of the solution is to "fully fund the border security effort," he said.

"The purpose of what we're doing now is making legal immigration more streamlined, illegal immigration shorter term and moved -- and moving in a direction that people know that there's a legal way to get here and not legal way. That is what’s underway now."

What can the bill expect in the Senate?: Following the bill's passage by a narrow Republican majority, it is headed to the Senate where it faces an uphill battle thanks to Democrats' narrow majority. If the bill makes it to President Joe Biden's desk, he will veto it.

“While we welcome Congress’ engagement on meaningful steps to address immigration and the challenges at the border, this (House) bill would make things worse, not better,” reads a Monday statement from the White House Office of Management and Budget. “Because this bill does very little to actually increase border security while doing a great deal to trample on the nation’s core values and international obligations, it should be rejected.”

#nunyas news

[photorose11]

***This is going to be all over the place so just a warning cause knowing me it will be long af**

Some days I just can’t comprehend shit. Let me explain. I love my job, I love working in mental health but some of the things I hear stick with me. So many conversations with people that have been through horribly traumatic events. For instance, earlier today I spoke to a lady who had just gone through something… just downright horrible and unfair. An she was alone, has no one. The pain in her voice made me want to cry. And there was nothing I could say to make her situation better. I don’t do well with the feeling of not being able to do anything or help someone; and it’s worse when it’s someone I personally know that I deeply care about.

Working in mental health really changed my life, and has helped me grow up in a lot of ways. I’ve become more realistic since working in health care, definitely since the pandemic. Working in health care in 2020 felt like a never ending nightmare. Except my actual nightmares never had that much death. 2020 was so much worse then a nightmare. Then my best friend almost dying from COVID was a million times worse. Something I can’t even put into words to fully express that level of fear. Sometimes when thinking back on it, I still feel that fear. My worry for the people I love is never ending. I get easily paranoid now, and I’m almost always scared. I can’t just switch it off. I wish I could.

I’m sure it’s annoying, putting up with my constant worry and paranoia. I’m sure it’s draining and exhausting. I exhaust myself with how I am. But I can’t change that part of me. I’ve tried. I can’t. And at the end of every day I’m alone with these thoughts and there’s a fucking ache in my chest that won’t leave and there’s a lump in my throat I can’t fucking get out and I think the only way it will ever come out is if I’m held and held without cruel intentions; held in a way I don’t think I’ve ever actually been held before because every person I ever let hold me in the past were always the ones that mentally and physically hurt me.

Each night is the same. Same thoughts, same ache, same fears and same frustrations. Same restlessness. Same need. Same growing urge to run, run as fast as I can until the pain in my chest and feet overwhelm me but I don’t stop. I don’t stop until I’m forced to cause my lungs may explode if I don’t stop to breathe. Maybe then, maybe then I can actually get it all out. It would be a terrible thing to witness, but it’d be so painful to feel. I’ve held so much in for so long now. In the last year I’ve learned to speak up more though. I say what I feel and I say what I feel I need to say to people. Because life is short and not only do I deserve to say what’s on my mind and what I feel, but people deserve to hear what I have to say and deserve to know how I feel.

I can’t go through life making any more regrets. I won’t have any more regrets. I changed my life with all the regrets I made in the past. So I say what I want and need to now and how other people take that is their own business, not mine. Life is so short and this world is terrifying. An being a parent in the year 2023? Absolutely fucking terrifying. Im terrified for my babies every day. My friends kids. My nieces and my nephews and cousins. Because this world is fucking scary. The future is so uncertain, every day. So I make the best of it, day by day. I speak my mind, I show kindness, I set my boundaries, I focus on my recovery and my sobriety, I try my best to be there for my loved ones, I try my best to be there for myself. I cry when I can. I take in the sunset, every day. I look at the moon every night. I love deeply; and I embrace the feeling of being in love because it’s beautiful and it’s made my life so much brighter and has made me brighter too. Bright enough for me to spread sunshine in others peoples lives and help as many people as I can.

Maybe one day I’ll be held again, by someone who won’t hurt me. For now I just write until my body and brain let me sleep.

#personal #photorose11 #journal entry #journal post #rant #writing #my writing #life #tw trauma #tw depression #tw loss #tw covid #tw pandemic #2020

[chaosworthy]

I know this blog is already technically low activity but this is the official heads up that it's going to get even lower in the coming weeks and months.

There's more of an explanation under the cut but, long story short, I work in the hell that is retail and with the holidays/prep coming up that really just speaks for itself. So yeah, be patient with me reply-wise just about everywhere since I'll likely be sticking everything in the queue for a while and it will still only post twice a day.

The long story is that work is fucking awful. Corporate no longer believes in giving overtime, we're stuck with only two full timers in my warehouse (yes, I'm one of them) and only three other ‘regular’ people. There's rumors we won't get any seasonal hires for the warehouse, and yet they still expect us to be able to put away four (soon to be five if we're following the tread of last year) trucks a week with no overtime, no help from the sales floor or managers, all while doing the rest of our duties.

And, of course, the cherry on top is that my lease is up in December and me and my husband legitimately can't afford to stay here anymore (we already have to ask for money every month just to make rent, not even counting our other bills) and there's no way our landlord is going to keep us at this rate even if we wanted to renew. Winter is, of course in the West, like the worse bloody time to move and we don't even know where we're going to go.

Out of state is our only real option (it's red af here and going anywhere where people have a lick of sense is our only choice as an interracial couple and that only leaves like three super expensive towns in this state) but, again, in winter that's like a death sentence with the roads and other drivers. Even then, we'd still need to go to the other state in question to see apartments or rental houses and that's not doable with our current financial situation.

And I'm definitely not staying with my family because blood will be spilled, and his drives us both up the wall. Especially after we caught Covid and found out some of them are irresponsible and just don't give a shit about others.

So, basically, I have no clue what we're going to do and between that and work making my feet bleed, I'm stressed y'all :)

Writing gives me some relief, and so does drawing when I can manage, but it's just a band-aid on a festering wound right now and can't be my first priority.

#give a little time to me | queue #out of touch | ooc

[dragonnan]

This is very difficult for me.

I am not someone who easily, if ever, asks for help. However I am in that position and have been since 2020. I realize it is not a unique situation - so many of us are in the same boat that to even ask for help feels galling. To clarify, I'm not asking for charity. And I'm not asking for help if you are someone also struggling. What I'm hoping, is that I can share my story, and if you feel moved, you'll help share my post.

In the spring of 2020, my father had a fall. He was 85 and had developed pain in his legs and knees after decades of hard work as a carpet installer. That day, in February, he stumbled over a bunched up rug and landed hard. The fall ended up fracturing his hip. I immediately was the one to take point - getting dad to the hospital for X-Rays as well as other procedures. I still remember the many hours sitting in that cold hospital room - acting as interpreter between Dad and the hospital staff due to his partial deafness.

At the time, we assumed Dad would slowly recover and eventually be able to get back to doing the things he enjoyed. 85 wasn't that old, after all.

But it was not to be.

Over the months, he steadily grew worse. Oh, the fracture healed - but his ability to be mobile grew less and less. I became his full time caretaker. I don't think I slept more than a few hours a night for the next 9 months. I didn't have work - due to Covid, my full time freelance job had vanished along with many of the opportunities I had cultivated. I'm honestly not sure how I managed to get by at all, financially. I made enough - and sometimes that's the absolute best outcome one can have.

In May, my maternal grandmother, and the last grandparent I had remaining, died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 101.

We mourned, and we pressed onward. I won't detail out every single moment/event of the months that followed. We did the best we could until it became impossible to do more. And then, finally, the horrible day came when I had to tell my Dad that he no longer could be in his home. We had to send him away so that he could receive a level of care beyond my abilities. To this day I feel tremendous guilt for that. That somehow I should have tried harder - done more. I suppose that's a very human thing, though.

Dad lingered at the nursing home for several more months. One blessing was that it was across the street. One hardship was that this was during the height on Covid - making visiting complex. But we did the best we could (a refrain that became an unpleasant mantra over time).

On December 8th, at around 3am, my Dad passed away. It happened quickly - I wasn't able to be there but my two brothers had been contacted and were able to be by his side. Stubbornly Norwegian to the last, Dad clung to life until finally my younger brother, held his hand, and told him it was okay to let go. He took two more breaths, and he was gone.

Going back, towards the start of this same year, one other event took place that has profoundly impacted us all. My mother was diagnosed with dementia. Even with Dad's decline, I was finding myself with two parents to care for. After Dad's passing, for a few years, Mom was mostly okay. I was able to take a job with the same printing company I'd worked for several years ago. It was very part time, but it was enough income to keep the lights on, so to speak.

And then I got Covid - and Mom got Covid too. And, while it was mild, and we recovered in about a week, something changed with Mom's dementia after that. She could no longer safely be alone. A week after I called in sick, I was forced to call my boss to officially quit. This was sometime around July or August I think? In any event, I've had no steady income since that time. My saving grace was a freelance job to illustrate a book (actually I had 2 jobs like that about the same time) so I was able to get a bit of income to carry me forward a few months. But it won't last and I'm finding myself, at last, coming to social media for help.

I feel the weight of stress so profoundly.

That is the primary reason I chose to share what I did. In the last few month's of Dad's life, I even hit such a dark and horrid place that I began contemplating the logistics of suicide. No, I wasn't to a point of making it actionable - but I was incredibly close. It was that point that actually help motivate me to talk with a mental health professional about medication. Its been helping.

So do I actually have a point after all of this massive and unsolicited sharing?

It is to ask that you do a small thing. Help share my site. And, if you feel you can afford it, maybe purchase some of my products.

Nothing I sell is expensive. My sets of clipart are $3.99 for 10 (I also have larger sets at different price points). I also offer stickers for $4.99 and a variety of other digital and physical wares.

My shop is now my only semi-steady source of income. It gets a lot of great reviews but not a lot of visitors despite it being live since 2013.

I'm not looking for wealth. I simply need enough - to lift that blanket of uncertainty and fear about what the next week - next month will bring.

I'm sorry, this is really sounding like one of those "For just a Dollar a day - help feed a starving artist down on their luck" commercials...

If you've made it this far, I appreciate you traveling through my ramblings. If you are able to visit my shop - share - even buy one of my wares, thank you tremendously!

I also can create any freelance design you'd like - everything I create is digital so when it's completed you'll get it instantly. You can send me a private message for rates.

TL:DR - I'm struggling financially and its been a really tough few years and I could really use some help.

#long post #looking for help #my etsy shop #parent death mention #dementia #dealing with grief #financial stress

[coochiequeens]

Abortion access is only one issue impacting women that we need to raise awareness about

KEY POINTS

As food insecurity becomes an increasingly global concern, a new report suggests that of the 828 million people affected by hunger in 2021, two-thirds were women.

The gap between men’s and women’s food security has grown 8.4 times since 2018. With the onset of Russia’s war in Ukraine, the situation looks set to deteriorate further.

“Everything that we’re seeing is telling us that it’s going to get worse,” Emily Janoch, Care’s senior director of thought leadership, told CNBC.

For 33-year-old Rouaya raising five children in a small village in Akkar, north Lebanon, times are hard.

Following the dual crises of the Covid-19 pandemic and Lebanon’s economic collapse, she has had to double her workload, “working in the fields and in the house.” But still, she struggles to earn enough money to eat. Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and its impact on food supplies has only made matters worse.

“Often I don’t have enough money to purchase food to cook, so I give the children bread sprinkled with thyme. Sometimes, too, we only eat twice a day. Times have never been so bad,” she said.

Rouaya is not alone. She is one of tens of millions of women worldwide who find themselves eating last and eating least as a worsening food crisis exacerbates existing gender inequality issues.

A growing gender disparity in food access

Of the estimated 828 million people globally who were affected by hunger in 2021, around three-in-five (59%) were women, according to a report released earlier this month by humanitarian organization Care.

That’s equivalent to 150 million more women facing food insecurity than men.

And the gap is widening.

Since 2018, the disparity between men’s and women’s food security has grown 8.4 times, accelerated in part by the coronavirus pandemic. Now, with the onset of Russia’s war in Ukraine and accompanying food shortages, alongside wider inflationary factors, the situation looks set to deteriorate further.

The implications are astronomical ... we know they’re going to fall heavily on women and girls.

Emily Janoch

SENIOR DIRECTOR OF THOUGHT LEADERSHIP AT CARE

“Not only is that a stark gap, it is a gap compared to 2018 that is growing rapidly,” Emily Janoch, Care’s senior director of thought leadership and one of the report’s authors told CNBC.

The findings, which draw on data from the United Nations and World Bank, report the state of play up to Dec. 2021. The fallout from the crises of 2022 will not be known until next year, but the forecast looks bleak.

“Everything that we’re seeing is telling us that it’s going to get worse,” Janoch said.

“If you look at the impact on agriculture following the Russian fertilizer crisis, the implications are astronomical. We don’t know exactly what they will look like, but we know they’re going to fall heavily on women and girls,” she said.

Food insecurity rises as gender equality falls

According to the U.N.‘s 2022 ‘The state of food security and nutrition in the world’ report, women have poorer food security than men in every region in the world. That disparity is especially pronounced in developing countries and specifically in the Global South.

Care’s report also found that as gender inequality increased across 109 countries, so too did food insecurity. In Sudan, for instance — which the World Bank scored a 2.5 out of 6 for gender equality —almost two-thirds of women (65%) reported being food insecure versus nearly half (49%) of men.

That as girls and women are responsible for 85-90% of household food preparation globally and most food shopping, according to the U.N.’s Food and Agriculture Organization.

“Women are very heavily socialized to pull that burden on themselves. And everyone around them is socialized to assume that they will,” Janoch said.

Indeed, even when both men and women are technically food insecure, women still tend to bear the bigger burden.

In Somalia, for example, men reported eating smaller meals while women reported skipping meals altogether.

In Lebanon, at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, 85% of people reported reducing the number of meals they ate, but more women (85%) than men (57%) reported eating smaller portions too.

Meantime, in Bangladesh, one in five (21%) women reported experiencing increased violence at home as a result of higher food prices.

‘A dollar in the hands of a woman’

Such gendered food security gaps have major implications not only for women and the families for whom they may be responsible but also for the wider economy.

Often, large portions of women’s economic contributions go unrecognized or are hard to calculate — at least in economic data. Indeed, the IMF estimates that the economic value of unpaid work, which it says is mostly done by women, accounts for between 10% and 60% of gross domestic product.

Rebecca Burgess, country director at The Hunger Project U.K., said that further enabling women’s economic participation and decision-making — both at a household and legislative level — would go a long way to reducing poverty and improving nutritional outcomes across the board.

[Women] routinely invest significant portions of their income in food, health care and education for their families.

Rebecca Burgess

COUNTRY DIRECTOR AT THE HUNGER PROJECT U.K.

“A proven way to overcome many systematic barriers to a woman’s success has been increased participation by women in local, regional and national legislation as empowered change agents,” Burgess told CNBC.

“Time and time again studies have demonstrated that when women are given the opportunity to generate and control an income, they routinely invest significant portions of their income in food, health care and education for their families,” she said.

Indeed, a 2021 Care study from Burundi found that investing in gender equality in agriculture brought a $5 return for every $1 invested, compared to a $2 return for every $1 invested in agriculture programs that ignored gender equality.

“Women are huge players in economic supply chains that are not always seen,” Janoch said. “A dollar in the hands of a woman goes further to increase food security.”

#women and food security #Women and hunger

[gingerbravecookie]

it sure has been a year: cursor's kind of retrospective (or resume idk) on 2022

happy new years everybody,, or new years eve depending on where you live at the time of reading this

I'll go straight to the point 2022 has been one of the most mixed bag of a year I've had since i have the memory

The start of the year was kinda cool honestly,, the weather in my country was great and i was starting to get new interests,, of course also expecting you know what games near the end of it,, going back to normal class was weird and tiring but i got to make new friends and recconect with old ones i hadn't talked to since the start of the pandemic,, i got to see the coolest fucking movie at the start of april and i loved it,, i had also met kit and joined pocket home and i met good people in there shout out to everyone,, the start of the year seemed pretty good

and then things started going downhill

for starters right at my birthday i started feeling kinda weird,, specially my nose felt funny,, the next day at school i was barely on my feet,, with my entire respiratory system in shambles,, with an awful fatigue and trembling every single moment,, i wanted to go to the nurse's office but i persisted due to having to show a cosplay i worked hard on that same day

long story short the next day arrived and i got positive for covid,, i spent two weeks at home

it didn't help that i missed multiple tests due to quarantine and had to do 5 the same day,, my stress level was on the god damn clouds

in that next month i caught colds and stuff way more easily but hey,, it was june!!! pride month!!! Gay month!!!! also i had finally decided to get into artfight and was ready to make refs for my oc's

Also i had made my very own server and got to meet cool people!!! shout out to kino,, harp and jaz

and then right before winter break started and got time to work on them and the event itself my knee snapped off

yes it did hurt like hell,, i went to the hospital and luckily i didn't need surgery but it was still awful,, i got out of the thing at 3 am and i couldn't even move

I spent the first few days of july on bed,, when i finally was able to barely walk again i got to do a few art fight attacks but then my family from the capital arrived and i couldn't access my laptop for two weeks,, i was pretty bummed out i barely got to do attacks AND that i had to be almost every single day to the doctor in order to heal my leg

also i joined ballcord and then maincord as my cookie run interest started coming back to me

anyways september came along and of course it was independence day for chile,, cool date tbh,, and i decided one of the most drastic meassures i took on my irl image,, i cut my hair

"what's the great deal with that" thing is i've had my hair pretty long and i didn't like cutting it at all,, but as i grew i pretty much realized i was growing out of it and it also became more tiring after it getting tangled everywhere,, best desicion of my life tbh it felt great

I got the funni squid game 3 as well

well i also continued getting sick as a downside of things,, which was weird as fuck since years prior i only got sick at least once a year

my school situation became worse every day,, my grades started lowering and to top that. i started getting bullied. again

i had been on that school since 10 fucking years and they still fucking bullied me,, none of the teachers did shit about it

my mom got an interview at school where they took account of my anger issues and fucking guess what happened there

after years and years of asking i finally got therapy

proper therapy as i had a meeting with one of them before and he just said i was a spoiled child lmao

so news!! I'm pretty much part of the autistic spectrum,, with very minor traits according to my therapist but yeah pretty much that

she's a cool person,, she really helps me and i mean that in a genuine way

my family. well,, they're trying,, our relationship has gone two sides and sometimes made me feel kinda shitty tbh,, anyways back to topic

even if my teacher knew about the bullying it still got worse and worse from heavy verbal abuse to almost physical attacks

the school said they would talk to the bullies and me to get to an agreement and then. never talked to me again

it would all come to a close in early november,, after i snapped in front of the whole class about it

i had a massive panic attack

i had to ask my mom to come get me early and i had to talk to the teachers where it turns out. they talked to the bitches but never to me.

if i had known that then i could have told them so they would actually stop

and then they started twisting the blame onto me for staying quiet when they didn't fucking tell me shit to start

anyways,, my mom decided i wouldn't go to that school again,, i have been home ever since,, we are hoping another school accepts me in the meantime

As of social media well. i have gotten into a few projects i want to really get through,, i still need to do owed art and i apologize for making it so late. i really really do

my first comic project,, a game (RPG maker Is a bitch sometimes btw) and of course my askblogs and au's,, I'll try to get them fully moving in 2023,, i really want for everyone to see what i have to tell storywise

also i hope i stop getting sicker lmao

i guess this Is going nowhere tbh,, kind of a long resume of the shit that happened to me this year and an excuse for why i barely post decent art and ideas here nowdays (sorry),, but hey at least i met cool people

thanks for sticking around Is pretty much what i have to say

2022 has been kind of a bitch,, here's to hoping 2023 Is at least a little bit better

happy new years everyone,, happy to still be here

-cursor

#sonic speaks

[chateautae]

hi sammy. i hope it’s alright for me to send you this, ive just been feeling really down today and wanted to ask advise from someone who doesn’t know me but who also brings me comfort.

my family moved to a big city this summer and i was supposed to move there around now-ish after finishing my degree. but i haven’t been able to secure a job/internship because of lack of experience due to covid these past 3 years and today my family told me i couldn’t move there until i secure a job because it’s really expensive. which i understand but today is the first time they told me this clearly and i just feel abandoned and useless. i feel so useless and shitty about myself because i worked my ass off to get a good degree and im incapable of securing a job, it’s just rejection after rejection and im starting to question everything including my worth.

i feel abandoned because my sister is going to this expensive international school and they go out every day almost and im just like..all i wanted was to join you guys. i thought it would be easier to look for a job once im actually there instead of looking online but they let me know that it would just be additional costs for nothing and i don’t wanna push. i understand that im older and i need to be able to support myself as well, but it’s just a shitty feeling, seeing how much fun they’re having there while im over here really struggling. im not a sentimental person and i can’t remember the last time i cried but ever since they told me this today i can’t stop crying anytime i think about it because i can’t believe how useless i am.

it gets even worse when i think about the boys. i see them and i see how successful they are at such a young age and i feel so proud of them and want nothing more but to be like them, be strong and successful because they inspire me so much, but when i keep on getting rejected i feel ashamed and bad about myself. im not comparing myself to them, i just really look up to them and not being able to achieve what i wanted to the way they did makes me wanna cry myself to sleep. being in my current situation, i get overwhelmed by an intense feeling of shame when i think about them.

idk what to do, how do i not loose hope? how do i keep on looking for jobs and stay motivated when all i get back in return is rejection? how do i get rid of this feeling of worthlessness? ive been trying to manifest good things for myself for so long but it just doesn’t seem to be working.

im sorry for dumping this on you, you don’t even have to reply i just felt like ranting because im not familiar with these feelings and im just lost and sad and confused and i hate this feeling, i just want to be able to feel proud of myself for once

first of all loves, i am so sorry for getting to this message so late, and i genuinely hope things are better for you by the time you see this!! if they're not, then i hope my words can bring you comfort, and i'm so happy you do see me as someone who can offer you that, it truly means a lot that you chose to confide in me <33

and honestly loves? what you feel is valid; i don't think it's fair for you to be iced out like this simply because circumstances aren't lining up for you. and i want you to know that that is exactly what this is, misaligned circumstance. this says nothing about your capability or that you're worth any less than your sibling's love. i promise you, there are numerous fully competent, brilliant people who also struggle to find anything in this cutthroat world, and i can tell you that this also happened to me! not that i'm saying i'm brilliant, i hoenstly believe myself the opposite, but what I'm saying is that there was a time where i genuinely was trapped at a horrible job that was destroying my mental health and me as a person, and i believed I would never find my way out. i continuously would apply to jobs and get nothing in return for months, and it got to a point where i honestly did give up. but i found my motivation again when i realized that nothing can happen if I don't at least keep trying to wedge my foot into the door, and so i decided fuck it, i'm gonna knock on doors searching for opportunity, praying that someone will hear me and guess what? right when i least expected it, someone heard my knock and opened the door, which even lead to another door opening for me and now i'm exactly where i wanted to see myself.

this isn't meant to put you down at all my love, but i just wanted to tell you that motivation really is hard to keep and find, but just because you keep receiving rejections does not make you worth any less than what you are. it simply means your time has yet to come, and while it sounds cliche, it's true, because there's no way you'll find that out if you don't keep trying, okay? i promise one step you take today could lead you down the path you're meant to take, or open a door that leads to success. feeling lonely and abandoned is also valid, because family is important and they mean everything to us, and i genuinely believe you should not have been cast aside like that, but i hope the motivation to also show your family that you're worth more than being iced out can push you to keep going. you're so strong and capable of fucking anything loves, remember that!

#anon #sammy's advice #sammy's inbox