#so if you're wondering where yours is

[excalisi]

it's a fun hc of mine that during dick's robin days, he went through the "omg i wish i had a cool secret language so i can have secret conversations with my friends" phase all kids go through. but one of his closest friends at the time also happened to be the batman, a guy with possibly the most bizarrely diverse arsenal of skills in the world. bruce sees the merit in the entire idea of a coded language to communicate rudimentary information when they can hear but not see each other. so why not make a code built on bird vocalizations? it's pretty much incomprehensible to anyone without a trained ear or comprehensive knowledge of birding and impossible to even passably mimic without proper training, so while the chances of interception are high, the chances of someone understanding it enough to interrupt during the middle of a bird-convo and feed false information are not.

it also, batman and robin come to realize, feed into the "holy fuck our vigilantes are cryptids" idea. bird sounds that come from seemingly no determinable location (ventriloquism) come to mean batman and robin are nearby. to the goons of gotham, bird song becomes inextricably connected to getting your ass kicked by the dynamic duo. the real reason why criminals don't operate during the day is because they get skittish and jumpy about if the sounds of birds chirping are real birds or some masked vigilantes lying in wait to rock your shit, and it's just easier to commit crimes during the night when all the birds are asleep so you know for sure.

ornithologists have boards on their bedrooms dedicated to the bird-bats of gotham. they've written dissertations.

the bird language becomes a bit of a batfamily bonding connection. teaching each other how to do different clicks and whistles, making up slang so bruce and barbara can't complain of clogging up comms with non-mission relevant talk, searching up birds to associate them with different people, psychologically terrorizing the criminal populace of gotham by chirping at them...

how the bird code works is that there's a bird assigned to each one of gotham's major heavy hitter criminals and vigilantes, and a few assigned to heroes out of the city (by which i mean the ones the bats associate with often enough to have a sign to address by). the only birds i've got so far are the robin (for robin. self-explanatory) and the glistening-green tanager (for the joker). i only have one for the joker bc i wanted to reference this hc in one of my fics and so searched up green birds to find the most eye-searingly annoying-to-look-at green bird i could find, and the glistening-green tanager was the closest one to fit the bill.

#dc #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #dc robin #robin #batfam #batfamily #you're a goon in gotham wondering in terror where the hell those menaces are so that their chirping echoes from everywhere at once #and red robin is just snidely insulting your haircut while red hood laughs at you

[couldneverhurtusnow]

[chemistry] it's not a word that actors [use]. but you must endeavor a little bit to try and fall in love, in whatever that capacity is. and andrew is a very easy person to fall in love with. he's kind, generous, talented. we shot the film at the perfect junction in our friendship where there was a lot we didn't know about each other, but there was mutual admiration and respect. and a similar sense of humor. (...) yeah, it felt fizzy when we were acting. especially with that first scene at the door -- it's so well-written. you feel like you're dancing through the scene, you can go in loads of different ways, and if i went one way, andrew would go another. if that's what chemistry is, i was aware it was happening.

-- paul on chemistry and whether ‘they (andrew & paul) knew instantly that their onscreen relationship was working’ in all of us strangers, screendaily.com (1/31/24)

#i just find this whole acting thing & the process actors have to go through very fascinating. how so many of them have said that your -- #mind knows that it's not real; it's make-believe but your body doesn't & it gets blurred & your body gets tricked into thinking it's -- #actually experiencing all of that. no wonder sometimes actors need to take some time to recover from/get over a specific role they played. #i just recently saw claire foy talk about this & how 'you're falling in love with a person you're not in love with.' and there's a -- #psychological thing happening where you can either suspend belief or you can make real what's happening. and that it can get very confusing #& how when she was watching this movie her body would react -- tears & heart palpitations -- but not because of what she saw on screen -- #but because she (her body) was remembering it. it's wild & i don't think i'd ever be able to do it. #reminds me of what jessica chastain said about 'scenes from a marriage' & how her & oscar's years long friendship was changed after that #idk how these people do it; honestly; especially those actors who play really dark characters & put themselves in their minds (evan peters) #paul mescal #andrew scott #all of us strangers

[swordsonnet]

the most annoying thing about me/cfs is that it's more like 10 different illnesses in a trenchcoat. i'll wake up with a new symptom and be like "oh okay, guess that's what we're doing today"

#pretty much anything can be a symptom of me/cfs so you're constantly left wondering if the new bullshit you're going through #is a sign of some other illness or if its just your old pal me/cfs getting creative again #ive been having a really bad whole body itch these past few days and i have no idea where it's coming from or when it's going to go away #but i would like not to feel like theres an electric current running beneath my skin thanks #i think the constant fatigue brain fog and muscle pain is more than enough #maybe it's just a crash or something though idk #(briefly) left the house for the first time in over a month on friday and it was really nice but my body Did Not Like It #so now its punishing me for my hubris #ugh #chronic illness #actually chronically ill #me/cfs #myalgic encephalomyelitis #chronic fatigue syndrome #can someone please come up with a better name for this illness #chronic illness fuckery

[twisting-in-wonderland]

i really need to stop getting outfit envy from twst characters,,,

bonus-:

the stones probably wouldn’t break too easily-- but Jamil doesn’t want to take chances, considering who is holding them at the moment-

some progress pics::

shoesssss

!! a sudden Jamil appears!

(i.  i was so close to finishing this when the event was still running,,,, sobs wails)

#twst #twisted wonderland #floyd leech #jamil viper #camp vargas #art #ram's art #grabbing twst characters by their shoulders shaking shaking sh- #just give me your outfitss pls pls plsspslpslplsplpslpls #this jacket would be so damn comfy i wanna steal it #oh yea- #this was also a practice in a way of how twst bgs look-? #the shading of it all fascinates me-- as a human who hates drawing bgs- #also also rip to ace #he's been stolen(tm) so no fun for him- #if you're wondering where his cool hat visor thing is--- #listen i managed to force myself to do a bg in a way - i'm not suffering through the nightmare that is hats are you kidding me---

[nativehueofresolution]

for me personally i kind of like the idea that the only time louis and daniel before now was the night of the original interview.

to me the interesting thing about their dynamic (and part of what makes it romantic) is the weird way you can confide in a stranger things you can't tell people who are actually a part of your life - like the contrast between this person not knowing you and all yet somehow you're telling them your darkest secrets, and they're seeing through your bullshit in a way people who know you don't (or maybe do but won't vocalize). and yeah it's a combination of chance and luck, but there's also a genuine connection that makes this stranger the one you choose to talk to out all the other strangers you come across.

and the idea that maybe that moment, that bond, could be so strong it could pick right up many decades later compels me. there's an intimacy to like, a past relationship, obviously, but i think there's also an intimacy that comes from knowing 'i only spoke to this person once but i never stopped thinking about them and maybe they never stopped thinking about me?' but you hooked up once or only had one conversation and you talk yourself down say be realistic because it was so brief and so long ago you, how could you not be blowing this out of proportion, but then you meet again and it hits you all over again like a ton of bricks.

#kaitlin speaks #i love eternal sunshine type plots so i get the appeal #but to me the appeal of that is like a story about how you can't take back intimacy #and no matter how many times you leave it's never going to change the way being there shaped you. #but to me d/l is like... the way your mind returns to someone you never got to be with #and the mixture of longing and like wondering if you're just romanticizing bc it didn't happen and ships in the night of it all #so all that to say i am open to whatever (bc tbh i do think there is some daniel memory plot line and in a lot of ways that's exciting) #but i actually think there's something special about the idea of their one night maybe being it and yet still impacting him so deeply #and if/when that element goes i'll miss it. i'm only this sappy about fiction i swear lol #their dynamic is like inverse of le/a where they have this connection and they hate it but also play it up and define themselves by it #but d/l they're in denial and don't want to admit their experience was as intense as it was #iwtv #danlou #this might only make sense to me lol

[doverstar]

reading your posts about your time watching doctor who reminded me of the first time i discovered doctor who, mainly, the eleventh doctor. i was going through such a tough time, and one day i just decided to watch doctor who to see what all of the fuss was about and started 'the eleventh hour.' it was pure magic to me. everyone has their doctor, and matt smith will always be mine. he was great! i loved how eccentric and warm he could be. i loved how he was just so sweet and kind to all of his companions, and i loved that undercurrent of darkness that was always bubbling under the surface of his character. matt smith was brilliant and i really, really wish they'd bring him back as the doctor in some way. i miss him so.

I so enjoy your blog and I was delighted to get this in my inbox. I loved reading this and picturing how you discovered the show; if anyone else wants to share their own DW experience with me, please take this as a sign! Commiserating over loving and missing the Doctor, feeling like he really is your friend (silly but true), is very cathartic to me. Nine was my first, and so was Rose. I didn't know anything about the show at all when I started in that basement bedroom, went in completely blind. I know what you mean by pure magic! I thought Christopher Eccleston would be the Doctor forever, and I was totally in love with him. I thought he was the reason everyone loved the show (I hadn't even seen Matt Smith's face yet, that's how in the dark I was at the time!). When he changed into David Tennant, I'll never forget how strong my feelings were. The revulsion and despair were huge. I was a lil teenager wrapped up in a zebra-patterned blanket downstairs, outraged that the 40-something with the big ears had transformed into hot young hair man. When Harriet Jones pleaded for the Doctor's help and Rose started crying in the kitchen, I was a mess. No television show that I can recall inspired in me such realistic emotions before Doctor Who, not like that! It took me so long to get used to Ten, and even now I still look at him and remember how hard it was to get used to him. Felt like someone had forced me to move homes or something. And when I finally got caught up to the show on live television, Matt Smith was finishing off his first season, and oh, he was so easy to love. Even as an adult now, his variation feels so safe. I love everything about him, the childish energy, the old man movement, the rhyming way he talks, and when he's angry, he reminds me of Eccleston. I'm like, That's him! That's the Doctor! I rewatch that era for Matt alone. When Clara looks at him regenerating and whispers "Please don't change," I cry every time. She's right. We were all saying it. Also reading your I miss him so totally made me stop and actually get emotional too - that says it all about the Doctor, about that time in my life (yours too, sounds like!) Eccleston to Smith. I miss him so.

#got a little dramatic there #but that era of my life is so comforting and good to look back on and your words opened the freaking floodgates #it's fiction but it's such a good story and it means so much to people and has so many true themes in it #good versus evil. all life has value. do what's right even when everyone else just runs away COME ON- #if you're reading this I want you to tell me how you discovered the show and who was your doctor and what it was like. let's be nostalgic #let's give credit where credit is due for a really wonderful story spanning 60 years! #doctor who #dw #asked #answered #wiitzend #ask doverstar #bbc #david tennant #christopher eccleston #rose tyler #timepetals #eleventh doctor #eleven #rose #matt smith #ten #nine #chris eccleston #billie piper #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #11 #10 #9

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is telling all ur friends to break up with their s.o when they talk about their relationship problems

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #aro relationship wheel: communicate or break up #or as i personally frame it: communicate / set enforceable boundaries / break up #in that order #if ur wondering what i mean by enforceable boundaries: #there's a tendency to refer to statements like 'don't treat me like xyz' as boundaries #but when you create a boundary you need to consider how you'll respond if it is respected vs if it isn't #and an enforceable boundary tends to look like 'i feel upset that you keep calling me dumb to your friends. if you keep doing it #i will (not go to events where those friends are present) / (need to reevaluate our relationship)' #(can really depend on how likely you feel they are to respect / understand that as to what sort of follow-through is needed) #so like. communicate with 'i feel xyz when you abc' / 'i think xyz when you abc' types of statements #set boundaries with clear follow-through and FOLLOW THROUGH #and if that's not working? GET OUT. LEAVE. if you're concerned they'll be terrible about you leaving that is a MAJOR RED FLAG of abuse fyi #like it is a *classic* indicator of emotional abuse #if that's the case: work on (re-)establishing relationships outside of that one. get a support network. think about realistic responses - #if u share finances - can someone help u out while you separate your finances? ie can you work with ur bank to (re?)create a personal acct? #and can a friend of yours or family or anyone help with moving? things like that #not to mention just being able to handle the emotions about it #uh. all this to say: this is my formula for this type of convo #and this can be applied TO ANY RELATIONSHIP

[andromerot]

i find the 'oh isnt it ironic that jews were victims of a genocide and now are perpetrating one' bit so tiring though. well no its not ironic because jews aren't essentially victims and any group that obtains state power over others will become the oppressor. because it is a colonial state. how is it funny it's literally what happens

#i get it when its like. from us from diaspora jews wondering why our family and institutions stand behind this while still in morning #like youre still wrong about how power works but i can see emotionally where you're coming from #but its repeated constantly by everyone so

[seraphlin]

If you rlly think abt it, I'm pretty sure the neighbors are well aware there are dopplegangers of themselves roaming around

#I mean- I think it'd be kinda silly if they had this whole security measure for it and not know the reason why #verification for your identity. making sure you're the right person. seems like it'll be obvious there are ppl (tho in this case- monsters)- #-that are trying to replicate your identity and steal it #there's also this one clip I saw where the doorman lets in the long neck angus doppel. and soon after- the real alf arrrives #when the doorman tries questioning alf abt his documents via the checklist- alf starts scolding the doorman/player for letting in a doppel #getting mad if they were blind or smth and stuff like that #which confirms to me that the neighbors are well aware there are copies of them walking around #but they try to live their life normally still even if that was the case #(gonna try the vid I found the clip in as well just to show y'all proof) #on another note- I actually also saw... the actual clip of the francis doppel begging #yeah there's. an actual dialogue in game where he begs for his life @ the player. #it. it rewired my brain in a way. I won't lie to u HRJEHFSJHRDJFHS #IT JUST. GODDAMNNN MANN... 🧍‍♂️ I wonder if there are other doppels who beg for their lives in game #or is it just the francis doppel? the clip I saw showed it wad the francis doppel begging... #reminds me. also heard there's this situation where francis' dialogue changes when u call him? #i'm not sure on how to trigger it but HRKEHFJSHF ITS THE REASON WHY I CALLED HIM 3 TIMES IN THAT ONE VIDEO I POSTED #I WANTED TO SEE THAT DIALOGUE CHANGE BC I HEARD THERE IS ONE #haven't seen it but. one day I Will Okay #trust in me #also speaking of this game- this is why I was double checking dialogue sometimes #depending on the circumstances or situation- it can change. and it's usually hard to come by unless u do specific choices #and considering the doppels and neighbors are probably rng on who comes in. it gets harder to come by #unless u play this game a lot. which. might be the reason why there's a 100 playthrough achievement LMAO #see. can u see how normal I am rn abt this game. it's got me in a chokehold it's just so interesting to me #a feather from an angel's wing (talk)

[ratuszarsenal]

Lachlan loyal bloodhound MacMartin

#do you ever love your brother so much you kill everyone about it. including yourself #I know he's just a one-note character. but I get him. I see him. #it's his tragedy just as much as it's keith's #I always imprint on characters with a dog/loyalty motif. lachlan I hope I'll some day write a fic where your brother mourns you properly #I draw a lot of dogs btw and sight hounds are So Beautiful #eelart #foth #the flight of the heron #flight of the heron #lachlan macmartin #if you're wondering where his beard is. keep wondering

[mattodore]

"show off your music" tag 🎧 using this spotify app

this looks so sexy... anyway thank you for the little tag @machinegrl

tagging @wldestluv-rs @fizzytoo @rottengurlz @lucidicer @woohooincoffin @omgkayplays @void-imp @helltrait @raiiny-bay if any of you want to do it as well <3 no pressure tho obv!! also if you've already done this pretend i didn't tag you dkjnhk haven't scrolled very far back on my dash yet

#river dipping #playlist #gold guns girls is a song olly sent me bc it reminded him of matthias <3 so i spent hours listening to it #if it weren't for the repeated lines mentioning women i'd put it in his playlist but alas............... he is a gay man fdkjndjf #on my knees asking ppl to send me more music that reminds them of my ocs btw. i'm so normal abt it... :) #also........... god......................................... #listening to futile devices and thinking abt theo is enough to kill a person where they stand #i would know. typing this from the grave if you were wondering #famous last words / i'm a liar / silver / lemon eyes are all songs that if i'm listening to them i have to sing along. like i have to. #like it bursts out of me and then i'm banging my fist on the floor. like. literally. like actually. #ESPECIALLY i'm a liar. it makes me want to die and it's in the echthroi story playlist. god. #PLEASE TAKE ME HOME . BAM . WRAP ME IN A TOWEL . BAM . THE MARKS ARE ALL GONE AND I'M FEELING MYSELF AGAIN . BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM #CRAZY . IT'S JUST SO FUCKING CRAZY #lemon eyes turns my brain to mush too because it's SOOOOOOOO matthias coded. #like especially early on in mattodore's little situationship when theo was just. so jealous. like caustically so. #hush now baby there's no need to cry let me wipe away those lemon eyes...... #all your worries such a waste of time... you can't even see how much you're Mine. . .... #I BET YOU WANNA WALK AWAY RUN AWAY LOOK AWAY TURN AWAY HONEY YOU CAN'T HIIIIIIIIDE #LEMON EYES YOU'RE MINE. YELLOW EYES ALL MINE. #YELLOW I WILL HAVE TO BITE YOUR TONGUE. . . SONGS THAT MAKE ME CLAW AT MY OWN SKIN

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30? #idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do. #i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count? #I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post. #why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags* #it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows. #where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one. #this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can. #which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone. #thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really... #...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

[assassinregrets]

god.

#im so fucking done with ppl being like ohhh it's the algorithm not meee that's why i see hateful shit all the time ohhh it's not my fault #bro. dude. where do you think the algo is getting that info from. do you think it is acting on its own #like for real? you can't figure out why your whole youtube sidebar is full racist hateful nonsense? bc i sure can #'oh it happens to everyone they promote that shit to everyone' buddy. you're wrong. #my sidebar is stevie wonder singing superstition on sesame street! we are not alike!

[bangcakes]

.

#i think im so wacko nuts about him bc he literally came out of nowhere #like what are the chances we met in the first place.... #like ..... its one thing to meet in university right after high school ok but.... its extra weird when its both your 2nd career #and you're at community college #then find out you went to the same university at the same time but 2 years apart #then worked for a bit.. only to realize AT THE SAME TIME that maybe this career isnt for you and that maybe comp sci is It instead #then we end up taking the same electives. and we tend to sit in the same areas of the classroom #and we're both always early and end up alone before class and end up talking #or we both park in a similar place in the parking lot and end up walking together after class #and o ya getting the same grades. having the same gpa. LIKE WHERE DID HE COME FROM?????? #and then its like .... he reciprocates. like we're friends. im just. what the FUCK JDJDJJDJDJD #ya im just....... idk. idk. who is this guy JDJDJDJDJDJDM #i wonder too if he has the same like. 'what the fuck' feelings about me. bc idk its all so weird #if hes The Guy .... hes both different than i thought and yet exactly what i wanted. ya make sense of that HDNDJDNFJFNFNJFJF #god help me #personal

[rivalsilveryuri]

gives him to u

thank you ... i am putting him in a small nest of hay

#VOICEMAIL #also about the 'turned to stone thing' #dude i think about it SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. like. theres jusr so much going on with it #like. 1. silver is maybe the only one aware that WHOLE FUCKING TIME ? #2. dude they. rhey didnt tell Green's parents ????? so they likely didnt tell yellows uncle either . #but then that makes me wonder. cause you see who they all call immediately . so 3. do crys and gold only find out.. #when they're literally going on this . 'only one shot' mission ??? #they dont even get like. time 2 process the fact that their seniors AND silver are. basically fuckin dead ???? #like. your friend who often just kind of vanishes sometimes isnt picking up your calls and nobodies seen him for a bit #but he's just like that ! #but then. none of your seniors respond either. #AND . AND . YKNOW WHATS LIKE. SUPER FUCKED ? DUDE. THERES THIS LIKE. MINI CHAPTER RIGHT B4 FRLG ? WHERE GOLD N RED ARE HANGING OUT. #and red leaves through the door 2 go see professor oak. (FOR FRLG.) and like. he says 2 gold he'll see him later. #thats.. SUPER FUCKED ??? #dude. but anyways. you dont hear from them for a few days #and your OTHER friend is starting to get worried . (because you contacted her to make sure she hadn't disappeared) but you're sure its fine #then you get a call. telling you all of them just got. turned into statues. in a different region . and now you're being shipped off to #start work on the only chance of bringing them back. #OKAY . #that period of time is soo fucked 2 me. i think about it so much. crystal was working constantly .. recruiting another child to get involve #in this mess because its the only plan they have.. #and gold keeps failing the training that they NEED for it to work. and its framed like a joke but. they only had so much time. #like. i wonder how silver felt just. being aware in that statue for. months. especially after.. ALL of the shit he learned in frlg #and crystal and gold only had each other durign that time. #they scraped their money 2gether to buy a suit for the plan.. had to train 2gether under ultima.. #also im likr. really normal and not crazy about the weird little ways crys n particularly gold interact with the statues ?? #all the touching n the eyeing i mean... and how guile taunts them about silver ? calling him a broken tool and how no matter how much care #and work and time you pour into someone.. it doesnt change the fact that theyre broken. n crys n gold get so pissed about this ? #LIKE. UNDERSTANDABLY SO BUT. AUUUGGGJHH. i have so many more thoughts on this. #i wrote so many tags it broke the post and ate half of them (twice) so i wont write them ALL here. BUT IM STILL SORRY ABOUT THE ESSAY

[ilikeyoshi]

not to get really deep and personal on tumblr dot com but i think today's therapy session may have been the first ever time i actually felt my mind and my body connect. like. it felt fucking cosmic? the revelation that they were always meant to work in tandem, and that they speak two different languages, thoughts and senses, and that i am their mediator, i am the one who makes sure they both get what they need.

i think this is why it's so common for mentally ill people to "know" their anxiety or depression aren't true to life, that what they're afraid of isn't really happening, and yet the pain persists. because the pain is your body. and your body does not understand words and logic like your brain does. your body needs to have its hand held or its back stroked. your body needs to cry. your body needs to feel and hear the physical sensation of you saying the reassurances out loud, because the words don't translate, but the sensations do. the movement of your mouth, the vibration of your voice.

and if we do not give our body this, then it doesn't matter how much we heal our minds. we have to heal the body too. we have to feel and acknowledge the pain and ask it, "what do you need?" maybe that's a bath. maybe that's lying down and squeezing a pillow really tight. maybe that's screaming at the top of your lungs. maybe that's walking around the block for an hour. whatever it is, it is the body's version of the anxiety and depression and illness. and like the mind's version, it needs to be helped, gently and consistently, until someday it knows that the fear and guilt isn't real.

#sorry im. going to be thinking about this forever. #i really do not think i have ever felt my mind and my body at the same time. #as a child the body is i think all your can feel. and when you become a teenager or young adult it makes sense to reject your body. #after all. your body's way of communication—crying and screaming and throwing things—probably got you scolded by a lot of adults. #it wasn't 'the correct' way to communicate your pain. so you rely only on your mind. your ability to think complicated and critical things #and solve them therein and make the pain in the mind go away. but the thing is the body is still there. the body is still in pain. #they are connected and can not be unconnected; to learn how to heal one but not the other leaves 50% of you in excruciating agony. #it's no wonder we can 'know' it's okay and still be struggling so much. we have to know AND feel it's okay. #and when you listen to your mind and body in tandem you realize they need different kinds of help. and you maybe even realize you're capabl #of providing both those kinds of help. you just need to know what kind applies to where. and it takes practice and patience. you probably #know all this from treating your mental health for years. but i wonder how many of us forget we have to do that for our physical health too #yoshi talks