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1kook · 3 years

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BORN SINNER III

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summary; Regardless of whether you are a liar or not, that didn’t make it okay for Jungkook to lie to you. warnings; virgin jungkook, timid jungkook, church boy jk, a LOT of religious themes/discussion, catholic guilt, fear of sinning, mentions of masturbation, heavy doubts, a little paranoia/fear of being outcasted, jk has a crush, confessions, making out, boob lover jk has his boobs touched, groping/petting, light praise, very brief/light choking, jk is horny like 75% of the time, positive character development <3 rating; m (18+) wc; 9.5k

banner; as always, by @jamaisjoons !! ty ty ty!! <3333

notes; i have to apologize for delaying this update for so long. truth is, it was difficult to write the next part bc i felt like i had trapped myself in pt2-- jk wasn't showing ANY progress & i started to really hate his character. LUCKILY, with the help of my amazing editor n wife @kigurumu *audience cheers* i was able to put him back on the right track towards redemption! (& even more painful angst in the future!) sadly, that means that this part doesn't include any explicit smut, you'll see why. still, I'm very proud of how much i was able to build his character in this part and i hope you enjoy it!!! lemme know what u think <3

in the future, i will try my best to make sure the chapters aren’t so spaced out. again, i am so so sorry about taking so long to update this series

He gets your text the following Tuesday morning.

Now, Jungkook has never been one to be overly invested in his cell phone; he uses it as much as he needs to, just checks his emails, takes some photos, and sends texts when necessary. But you had set up a particularly unique ringtone for yourself the other day, had sweetly asked for his phone as he laid against your chest. His skin had felt warm and the slightest bit sweaty, his body pressed so closely against you that he couldn’t tell where he ended and you began. “Did you have fun?” you asked, fingers combing back his hair. He had hummed, eyes fluttering shut to the faint tapping of your fingers across the keyboard. If he closes his eyes, he can still remember the soft beating of your heart beneath his ear, the leg you had hooked around his waist to pull him closer. The memory makes him shiver.

It’s a high-pitched bell sound that alerts him of your messages now, completely unlike the classic default tone he had set for everyone else.

From the other side of his room, Jungkook immediately pauses to look at it, the lit up screen glaring back at him from its idle place on his bedside table. He always leaves it there in the mornings, beside his rosary and the picture of his family, as he gets ready for work.

He knows exactly who it’s from— after all, that’s what you wanted when you stylized your ringtone —which is why his hand trembles in excitement as he unlocks his phone.

[❤️]: picnic tomorrow? 🥰

[❤️]: after my last class of course

Jungkook’s first thought is that this was a date, his first one with you since he had met you. His heartbeat hammers at the thought, at the mere suggestion that the two of you would be able to spend more time together this week outside of your usual weekend… acts. Additionally, if you’re asking him on a date, then surely it means you view Jungkook as a potential suitor, just as he does you? Do you want to maybe date Jungkook? Jungkook certainly wants to date you— in fact, if he starts gathering his courage now, he might be able to properly ask you out tomorrow.

Jungkook’s second thought is of that guilty, gross feeling that’s been gnawing at his insides for three days now, and how it was inevitably going to get worse when he saw you again.

He had lied to you, Jungkook recalls, sinking down against his mattress, shirt half buttoned, as he stares at the screen. He had lied to your face during a critical moment, had felt that seed of doubt in his chest blossom more than ever. And not only had Jungkook lied to you, but he had lied to you about his feelings toward you. How could he ever hope to hold you close, to date you, when he couldn’t even be honest with you?

The memory of your curious gaze presents itself at the forefront of his mind, the soft sound of your laughter ringing in his ears.

You had been so sweet to him despite his blunder, had cupped his face and kissed him on the lips when he dropped you off outside your apartment. “Not today,” you crooned, unbuckling yourself as Jungkook’s eyes trailed over your throat— ignoring your cross —and down your chest. “I have schoolwork to catch up on. But soon, okay?” Another sweet peck had left him trailing after your touch, your finger bopping the tip of his nose playfully. “Call me when you get home.”

And because he was so terribly, irrevocably smitten with you, Jungkook had done as you said and called you. He’d called you and then had whimpered against his sheets as you generously talked him through another sinful deed. You had softly sighed his name over the line, told him he was handsome and that you missed him. That you wanted him in your mouth—

And of course, he had felt… something afterwards.

This is where his dilemma begins: Jungkook had felt something afterwards, and he’s not sure if it had been entirely good or bad. The longer Jungkook stays around you, hangs out with you, does things with you— the more he can feel parts inside of himself change. Because after the phone call, Jungkook had felt two distinct emotions within himself, both of which were up for questioning.

First, there was that one feeling he was becoming all too familiar with, the crushing guilt that would consume him following any sexual interaction with you or himself for that matter. Why was he like this? Why did he indulge himself in such heinous pleasures when he knew, knew better than anyone, what committing such acts meant for the future of his soul? He was practically dooming himself the way he was now, but Jungkook just didn’t understand— why did something so bad feel so good?

But alongside that gnawing guilt was this tiny, weirdly pleasant satisfaction, a gratification that superseded the relief felt by an orgasm. It was this oddly serene feeling that settled over Jungkook in the moments following a climax, the soft brush of your hands through his hair, the low lilt of your voice. They made him feel like he was floating on the softest of clouds, kissed and pampered by its wispy tendrils. It made something inside of Jungkook feel different, new. Good.

(In the back of his mind, Jungkook realizes he’s always felt that way. At the height of his pleasure, at the faintest brush of your hands against his. It was a staple of your presence, one that made Jungkook feel like he was walking on air.)

From whatever angle he looked at it, it just didn’t make sense. They were contrasting emotions; while one made him feel godawful, the other one practically made him transcend. The fact they could coincide, exist all at once, had Jungkook’s brain folding in on itself as he tried to figure out why. They kept him up the last few nights, eyes blankly staring up at his ceiling following his evening prayers. Mulling over everything he’s ever learned and been told, always circling it back to your beautiful presence in his life.

He knows sex in itself is not bad— after all, that was how the beautiful process of life came to be —but years upon years of studying his religion, cultivating his faith, had all led him to the same conclusion: premarital sex was wrong. And for the past few weeks, well. That’s all Jungkook had been doing with you.

It seems like every time you meet, you’re dead set on pleasuring him, turning Jungkook into a shivering, teary-eyed mess while you grinned from above. That confused him too— as far as Jungkook knew, the whole point of sex was to chase after your own pleasure, something you admittedly did not do. It was always Jungkook’s pleasure, Jungkook’s enjoyment that you wanted, covering him in languid kisses and long caresses until he was inevitably shooting his hot cum all over your lap and into your hands.

You had told him it was okay, that he should never feel bad for enjoying himself. But, to return back to his original dilemma, he doesn’t quite know if he can trust your word.

You’re a liar, that much Jungkook can look past his rose-tinted glasses to admit. While you may not have lied to him (or at least, Jungkook wants to believe you haven’t), the fact still stands that you are quite willing to deceive others in order to get what you want. He already knows you aren’t the biggest believer of the Church yourself, that you frequently brush off your religious duties in order to fulfill your own desires— the aforementioned sexual cravings probably the biggest one —so, quite frankly, Jungkook is untrusting of the rest of your practices. Were you lying to him, telling him all was well, just for your own benefit? Just because you wanted to drag him along on your lustful adventures? He wasn’t sure, and as much as he wanted to trust you wouldn’t, there’s a shred of doubt that plagues him.

But still.

Regardless of whether you are a liar or not, that didn’t make it okay for Jungkook to lie to you.

He taps his phone against his chin, brain a frenzied mess.

If Jungkook really wanted to pursue this relationship with you, he needed to be honest with himself and with you. Did it bother him that you were so flippant with the Church, the one he himself feels so devoted to? Yes and no. Jungkook has never been one to impress his beliefs on others, and truthfully, he would not be the slightest bit bothered if you don’t believe in the same things he does. Would there be some awkwardness in your relationship? Certainly, but at least Jungkook would know the real you from the very beginning.

But to him, posing as an avid follower when you really aren’t rubs part of him the wrong way. He’s slightly put off by that aspect of you, and justifiably felt that anyone would feel such a way if someone were to use something they love as mere leverage for their own personal gain. And to make matters worse, now that he’s been made aware, it weighs down heavily on his conscience.

Part of Jungkook, as selfish as it may be, wishes you had never revealed your secrets to him. He may have been left in the dark a total fool, but at the very least he would have been a happy fool. Would he still feel guilt about all the sexual deeds he’s partaken in with you? Sure, but at least he would only have himself to blame. The way things are now, he’s unsure who really needs to be condemned.

Realistically, it is Jungkook’s fault. He knows how you are and even more, he knows you would never proposition him for any such sexual deed if he told you no, if he simply denied you. But he doesn’t tell you no, and that’s the problem: Jungkook really likes you as you are now, questionable behavior be damned. He likes you when you make him cry and when you pinch his cheeks and when you snake your hand down his pants.

He still thinks you’re amazing, gets this fluttery feeling when you look at him with that sparkling gaze of yours. Your laughter makes him smile, even if you’re not laughing at something he said, because the sound is just so comforting, warm and soothing, makes his entire body relax when you chuckle. You have this gentle touch, these delicate hands that carefully comb his hair back for him in the car sometimes, tracing the side of his face softly. Your smile makes him dizzy, makes him want to cup your face in his hands and kiss you breathless. And, of course, he can’t complain about your… other talents when he’s only been on the beneficial receiving end of said talents. That aforementioned satisfaction, as small as it may be and as difficult as it was to admit to, was something Jungkook has begun to look forward to on the occasions that you meet.

But his inability to overlook his own beliefs and your confusing nature brings about a great strife within Jungkook. It’s the reason he hesitates outside the church after dropping you off, his car running as he glares at his steering wheel. Everything in him says to go inside and confess to his sins, relieve himself of this overwhelming sense of guilt and shame to the closest person to his Lord.

But he’s scared.

Scared that, despite the oath of confidentiality, word will get out. His fellow brothers in faith will hear about what he’s done and call him out for his lecherousness. But even worse, he’s scared of what will happen to you. Would Jungkook’s life be over if he were thrown out of his beloved church? As dramatic as he may be, no. But he recognized that there were different standards to which men were held in this society, that an act of desire by him would not ruin his name the same way it would you.

And Jungkook didn’t want that. He wanted to keep you safe. Wanted you to be happy and smiling, regardless of how conflicted it made him, because he likes you. He likes you so much, despite the fact he has yet to uncover the true extent of your character.

But the cloud of mystery is partially what intrigues him, has him pondering over your very existence instead of getting ready for work as he is now. He’s terribly enamored, thinks about you and prays for you every night. So maybe Jungkook is still the fool, because he still daydreams about you when he knows he shouldn’t.

His phone buzzes in his hand—

[❤️]: i miss you bunny ☹️

—and his decision is made.

Tuesday passes by in a blur and before he knows it, it’s Wednesday afternoon and you’re texting him the location of one of the parks in the city. You had told him not to worry about the food because you would bring it. Jungkook’s only job was bringing the picnic blanket, a huge checkered thing he had spent all morning rifling through three stores for. He wants to impress you, desperately so, that he’s even wearing a nicer outfit today, darker tones unlike his normal warm palette because he had heard a woman at his job say men look cooler in dark colors.

Suffice to say, he sticks out like a sore thumb at the park, the stark black of his jeans contrasting with the vibrant green of the neatly cut grass. Jungkook has half the mind to feel self-conscious about it, but then you’re calling his name from a couple meters away and his breath leaves his lungs.

“Hi,” you greet, the handle of your wicker basket held tightly between two hands; Jungkook rushes to relieve you of the weight. “Did you wait long?” you ask, rewarding his gentlemanly behavior with a chaste kiss against the corner of his mouth that kick-starts his heart back into action and has his face burning up.

In all honesty, you have never dressed very modestly— not that you had to, nor that there was anything remotely wrong with that. Jungkook has spent many a mass service fighting the urge to glance down the front of your dresses and tops, ignoring the cleavage you liked to show off now and then. But apparently, what Jungkook had seen up until now was your version of dressing modestly. The dress you show up with today, an off day where there are no church ladies to impress and no unspoken dress codes to follow, makes his brain short circuit. The thin, thin, straps that hold it up giving him an all access view to the broad expanse of your shoulders and chest and collarbones and boobs—

“No!” Jungkook rushes to reassure you, fighting down the blush that threatens to travel further down his neck when you carefully straighten out the collar of his shirt for him. “I- I, um, just got here.”

You beam at the news. “I bought cheesecake,” you tell him, looping your arm through his as you tug him along. “I hope it hasn’t melted yet!”

By the time the two of you settle at a suitable spot near the lake, the cheesecake hasn’t melted. It’s still cold and solid, tastes like heaven on Jungkook’s tongue, and you laugh when his eyes light up. You look gorgeous like this, nestled against the checkered picnic blanket with a glass bottle of sparkling water in your hand, sandals just beside the edge of the blanket. There’s the faint chime of a bicycle bell somewhere to his left and the chatter of birds as they flock over the pond. Wonderful sights that would normally take his breath away and make him marvel at their beauty, but when you smile at him so gingerly like that, all Jungkook can think about is you.

He watches you slip a strawberry past your lips. “Tell me about yourself,” you hum, seemingly out of the blue, wiping the corner of your mouth with one careful finger. “Other than, like, church stuff,” you tease.

As you lean forward for another one, Jungkook’s brain stutters for a moment, eyes focused on the curves of your boobs as they naturally follow the movements of your upper body until he’s dizzy. “Huh?” he says, and you snort. “Oh— me, right, yes um—“

“Your favorite color?” you suggest, tugging the skirt of your dress tighter around your legs. It’s not cold, but there’s a slight breeze that keeps rolling over the two of you, pushing your floral scent over Jungkook and fluttering through his hair. “Right now, all I know is that you like cheesecake because you ate three slices at the bazaar the other week,” you chuckle.

It’s such a basic question, the bare minimum of knowing a person. But when you look at Jungkook like that, blinking those long lashes at him, it makes him forget his answer. “Um… Red,” he murmurs, watching you tug off the stem of the strawberry in your hands. “And white.”

You nod, and then you’re stretching a hand outward to offer him the aforementioned strawberry. When he doesn’t open his mouth right away, you silently demonstrate first, until Jungkook is slowly parting his lips and accepting your strawberry. The flavor bursts on his tongue, sweet and sticky, coating the very tips of your fingers when you don’t pull away fast enough. Jungkook averts his gaze when you pop them between your own lips and suck them clean.

“Red and white,” you repeat, unaware of the lustful images that flicker through Jungkook’s mind, the way his eyes unconsciously drop to the front of your dress, at the crevice between your breasts that he remembers oh so well, the tight suction around his cock as you— “They make pink, which is my favorite color.” He desperately clears his mind of the memories that flash before his eyes.

It’s a pretty color, fit for a pretty girl. Jungkook keeps the thought to himself as he watches you sift through the contents of your basket. It’s the perfect compliment to give you, he knows it’d make you happy, but his valor disappears when you throw him a soft grin and he’s transported back to a more recent memory, the memory in the car instead.

A bad influence, he had called you, had watched your eyes well up with an emotion he had never seen on you before. Sadness? Disappointment? Disgust? He wasn’t sure, all Jungkook could really remember was the acidity on your tongue when you had repeated the words back to him, the ghost of your touch when you had abruptly pulled away from him, shut him out. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you so closed off before, not even when he had first met you and you were parading around with that staged shyness.

And even when Jungkook had corrected himself afterwards (read: lied to you to cover his tracks), the emotion had lingered. Even when you had playfully brushed him off, he had caught your reflection in the window beside you as he drove to your place. The sullen look on your normally happy face, lips down-turned, eyes lowered. A look he had put there.

And now he’s watching you carefully rip apart bread to throw at the birds with a tender smile. A cloud moves and suddenly the sun is beating down on your little picnic again, casting a beautiful glow across your skin that renders him breathless for the shortest moment, trapped by the sheer beauty you exude. You’re absolutely ethereal, and yet he had questioned you. Your morals, your character, everything.

“__?” he says before he can stop himself.

You hum, “yes, bunny?” before pausing your little feeding task to glance back over at him. When you look at Jungkook like this, meet his gaze straight on, he doesn’t see an ounce of ingenuity in your eyes. It might be Jungkook’s lovesick heart speaking, but he can’t imagine you ever lying to him. He looks away first, frowning at the various fruits sprawled between the two of you.

You care about him, that much Jungkook wants to believe. And his beliefs are confirmed, when your voice drops an octave lower, becomes softer, as you murmur, “is everything alright?” The fruits are carefully set aside, breaking the wall between the two of you until you can shuffle forward, your knees bumping against his. Hands reach for his, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against his skin.

Before you can repeat your inquiry a second time, Jungkook finds himself asking, “do you like me?”

Jungkook’s sudden inquiry makes your cheeks heat up just the slightest, your startled inhale barely contained.

It’s like a scene straight out of a teenage romcom— a confession in a park, your hearts bared for each other. But it’s a little awkward, you have to admit, unintentionally giving Jungkook’s soft hand a nervous squeeze as his question rolls over in your mind.

Duh, you want to say. But there’s something about the look in Jungkook’s eye— the eyes he very purposefully turns towards your hands, the hair he had let loose today providing him ample protection from your gaze —that has you pausing, carefully considering your next words.

You had hoped by now that it was obvious, that Jungkook understood how much he meant to you, and didn’t require some dorky confession in the park. Partially because, well. This wasn’t your usual role. Usually, it was the guy confessing to you, raving about all your redeeming qualities in an effort to win you over. But with Jungkook, all you know about relationships is flipped upside down, forcing you to play a position you’ve never played before.

Jungkook wasn’t like you; he was soft and sentimental, practically wore his heart on his sleeve for the whole world to see. And it was a massive heart, filled with so much love and adoration for the world around him, that you felt bad when he wore such sullen expressions on his face.

Expressions like the one he has now, lips pressed together tightly as he misreads your silence. He has honest eyes, a dark toffee color that sends tingles down your spine when he looks your way. They glimmer with a sort of innocence for the world, a thin sparkle that makes him look like a prince sometimes. He was devastatingly handsome, and now he was upset. “Um— it’s okay,” he stammers, trying to move the conversation along. But his eyes flicker around nervously, anxiously. Like your silence has left a burn mark on him, painful and delicate to the touch.

His comment isn’t completely unexpected. How very on-brand for big-hearted Jungkook to try to save you from an uncomfortable interaction, even if it was caused by him. “Um…” he murmurs, “it’s okay. If you don’t, uh. Like me?”

It sounds flimsy, even to you.

“No, no,” you rush to correct, your ability to speak slowly coming back to you only after the fact. “I do,” you admit, nerves on edge at this rather foreign situation. “I… like you a lot, Jungkook.”

You shouldn’t be surprised by his reaction. Jungkook blinks slowly, like his brain is still processing the information, and then, ever so artfully, goes up in metaphorical flames. “O- Oh,” he stutters, reaching a free hand up to press his knuckles against his face. The rosy hue that had first blossomed over his cheeks has now started crawling down his neck now, up his ears. It’s terribly endearing. “I— um. I didn’t know,” Jungkook rambles, and it’s so cute, so sweet, how a simple confession from you renders him this flustered.

His face emanates a warmth tangible even on your own skin, lips cutely quirking to the side as he fights off a bashful smile and the raging blush your words bring about. It certainly is a sight to see. His hair tickles his eyebrow, swept out of its usually neat style, but it makes him look all the more gorgeous. “Cute,” you chuckle, feeling the slightest bit shy at such a warm response from Jungkook. You sit back, giving him the space he needs, and turn your attention up at the big blue sky instead. “Really? I thought it was obvious,” you hum.

Part of you actually feels really awkward; as you said before, everything is so brand new with him. With Jungkook, he flips everything around for you, makes you actually admit to your emotions as opposed to simply going along with his. It’s a nice change of pace, as difficult as it may be, and the results are rather… cute as well. (He bites down a smile, but the action makes his normally soft cheeks look more pronounced than usual.)

“Because, I, um. Me too,” he says, voice wavering. He clears his throat and tries to meet your gaze under his fringe, but doesn’t last more than a second before he’s pointedly glancing at the picnic blanket beneath the two of you. “I’m— I like you too,” he admits, ears tinted a bright red. You figured as much but it was always nice to hear, especially from someone like Jungkook. “A lot.”

“Thanks,” you smile, placing a hand on his thigh.

His lips pull into a shy smile, aimed at your knees because he can never look you in the eye when you shower him in praise and other gooey, mushy feelings. It’s the same in the car or against your front door— he always manages to give your hand a tight squeeze, maybe even a kiss if he’s feeling brave. But the second you try to tell him you’ve had fun or that you’ll miss him, it’s like all his courage fades away, leaving him a blushing, smiley mess.

He was cute like that. Despite being so kind and caring, it was like Jungkook’s entire being stopped functioning when those types of gestures were aimed at him. So you relished those moments, looked forward to them with a fluttery feeling in your heart that couldn’t be tamed.

Today, he throws you for a loop. Just as that proud, giddy smile appears, cheeks and ears a pretty pink, it fades away. The excitement from your mutual confessions seems to remind Jungkook of something else, something less warm, that has him quietly mumbling, “I’m sorry.”

It’s confusing, to say the least. Just a moment prior, he had been pursing his lips in a silly attempt to hold back a smile. Now he’s staring at the ground with a rather pensive look, his apology sitting heavy in his throat. “What for?” you tentatively ask after one long beat. It had been so sudden. In your mind, there isn’t a single reason for Jungkook to be apologizing to you, especially so out of the blue. There is, however, an inkling of fear brought upon by what can only be classified as insecurity; you had just confessed your feelings for each other, why was he sorry about that?

Jungkook exhales, a quiet sound that is nearly lost among the bustling noises of the park. If you hadn’t been sitting so close, maybe you wouldn’t have heard it at all. “I just,” he huffs, pointedly glaring at some random spot of grass beside you. His features look sharper than ever now, jawline defined, brows narrowed together. It’s a rather misplaced realization, but Jungkook looks absolutely gorgeous with distress painting his face. “I was… being selfish before.”

In the few weeks you’ve known him, you’ve come to realize Jungkook was many things. First and foremost, he’s an absolute gentleman. Raised on manners and compassion, looking after others everywhere he went. He was caring and sweet, loved this world and the people in it so much. Soft-spoken but straightforward. He was dreamy, disgustingly so.

But selfish? It definitely sounds like something Jeon Jungkook is not.

Before you can interrogate him even further, it seems like Jungkook is dead set on getting through this alone. “I- I’m sorry,” he repeats, eyes downcast. Noticing his wavering confidence, you resign yourself to listening, hand giving him a reassuring squeeze. Finally, after a short moment, Jungkook murmurs, “...in the car.” You tilt your head to the side curiously, waiting for him to go on. “I said, um. Something rude.”

It takes a moment for the memory to load, and when it finally clicks into place and begins rolling, you find yourself muttering a faint, “ah.”

If it’s what you think it is, he’s talking about last weekend outside of the church. That terribly awkward encounter that had left a sour taste in your mouth afterwards. A bad influence, you recall him saying, the memory of his voice looped in your mind the entire drive to your place.

In all honesty, it had stung a little. While you were aware that Jungkook had an ongoing mental battle, you hadn’t realized your role was that big in it. It’s the reason you had sent him home that day, made up a lie about schoolwork just to give him some space. It’s nothing new, everyone’s had someone think badly of them before; gossipy classmates, rivals, maybe even random strangers on the street. But it felt different when it was coming from someone as sweet as Jungkook, so polite and righteous, who wouldn’t even hurt a fly. Like he was stating a fact, not an opinion.

It was a slip-up on Jungkook’s end, that much you could tell. Because he had been frantic to correct himself afterwards, had looked at you with these fearful eyes, like one wrong move and you’d slip from between his hands. Luckily, you weren’t that sensitive— definitely not as sensitive as him, at least —and such a comment had been practically meaningless moments later.

Still, in those few moments where it was meaningful (read: the short period it took for Jungkook to get home and call you, the words looping around your brain until the harsh ring of your cell phone finally interrupted), it had left you wondering. Have you been pushing him too far, asking for too much? The way you saw it, you always gave Jungkook room to object to any of your advances. You know he’s trapped in his thoughts more often than not, but you pay attention to him, you really do. You make sure to take his reactions into account, try to offer solutions where possible. But, for the briefest moment, all of those efforts had felt fruitless that day in the car.

What you say next is not a complete lie; sure, Jungkook’s comment had hurt for a bit, but here he was now apologizing for it. That was a good sign… right? “It’s okay,” you brush off, patting his cheek softly, hoping with every fiber in your being that it really was okay.

Your voice is gentle, soothing his doubts. Just moments prior, Jungkook had felt like he was asking for too much, especially when your feelings toward him were up in the air. But your earnest confession soothed the ache in his heart. It’s all he’s wanted these past few months, to belong in your heart like you do his.

But the guilt from before, the tumultuous feelings he’s been harboring towards you since the weekend, dampens his excitement. From your confession alone, it doesn’t seem like you questioned Jungkook. You weren’t put off by who he was, what he loved. So why couldn’t Jungkook be like you, think like you?

“I’m still sorry,” he says again, feeling like a broken record when he catches this sympathetic smile on your face. The scraps of eloquence he had gathered while originally apologizing seem to fade away, leave him a stuttering mess when he tries again. “That was— I shouldn’t have said—“

“Hey,” you cut off, placing a hand against his cheek. It stops his fidgeting, forces him to meet your gaze head on. There’s a smile on your face but something inside of Jungkook says it doesn’t feel real. “I like you, Jungkook.”

And it’s true and genuine, your words so honest it pains him to think he had ever thought otherwise. And you’re still smiling, even after being hit with the implication that Jungkook questioned your character and maybe that’s what hurts the most. That you still try to put on an easygoing expression for him after he’s said something hurtful. It’s the car all over again, that blank look in your eyes when he had spoken carelessly.

Before he can apologize for the umpteenth time, you’re shaking your head softly, smiling anew. But this time, he can’t tell if it’s real or not. “I brought orange juice,” you say, expertly moving the conversation along. And just as Jungkook has been thinking for weeks now, it’s like you know him so well. You know when things make him anxious or uncomfortable, know just how to help him out.

There’s a feeling of guilt that blossoms in his chest, but this time it’s different.

It’s not the usual sticky gross feeling of before, the one that has him staying up at night repenting for all his wrongdoings. It’s a personal kind of guilt that comes along with the frank realization that, while you have been learning and adapting to being around Jungkook, he has not been doing the same for you.

Though you may be a little playful at times, you don’t tease him for who he is, don’t stomp all over his beliefs as much as he deluded himself into thinking you do. (That whole, faux-believer thing was a different circumstance.) Like with the cross in his house the other day. As much as Jungkook wanted to believe what you had done was evil, he had, quite honestly, enjoyed himself afterwards. There wasn’t that heavy discomfort sitting on his chest anymore, that sense of shame lingering as you’d kissed his body and let him caress yours too, in the safety of your eyes only. It was enjoyable and fun, had felt exhilarating to be so intimate with you.

And instead of being thankful for your mindful efforts, he had questioned your sincerity.

The picnic goes by in a flash. Jungkook is sad he can’t enjoy it to the fullest, his brain filled with clamorous thoughts that circled around to torture him every few minutes. Still, the entire date feels like a dream, vibrant and beautiful, leaving him in a daze. He doesn’t want to wake up.

By the time you suggest wrapping up, the sun is setting over the horizon, the windows and lights of the buildings around you slowly flickering to life like a sea of tiny stars. He feels weak in the knees as he helps you pack everything back in your basket. “All set,” you smile, walking beside him, knuckles brushing against his until you fulfill Jungkook’s wordless wish and slip your hand into his.

Jungkook agrees, hoping his hand isn’t sweaty and that you mean what you say. “I- I liked the food,” he remembers to mention, the fact that you had so carefully and lovingly prepared all this not entirely lost on him. His compliment, as simple as it may be, has you beaming at him as you exit through the park’s front gates. His car is parked along the street, the sleek vehicle coming into view as you round the street corner, hands still fastened. “Um,” he mumbles, pausing beside it. You turn to face him, eyes clear and content.

All good things come to an end, he supposes, reluctantly letting go of your hand when you tug. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” you say, stepping up close, chest pressed against his. His breath hitched in his throat, eyes going wide when you nuzzle against his neck. Your hands slip around his waist. They wrap around him perfectly, make Jungkook feel like he was made for you.

By the time he’s springing into action, jerkily raising his free hand up to your back, you’re stepping away. “Call me when you get home,” you wink, sending shivers down his spine when he remembers what happened the last time you said that.

But Jungkook doesn’t think he can wait that long.

You’re slipping further and further away, fingertips just barely brushing against his forearm, when Jungkook jolts into action. “How are you, um—“ he stammers, feels too big for his shoes when you tilt your head curiously. And then, “d- do you need a ride?” he mumbles, cheeks warm.

It’s a feeble attempt at asking what he really wants. Offering you a ride home, while not a bad idea considering it was late and you had taken the bus here, is nowhere near what Jungkook really wants. What he wants is standing before him, thin spaghetti strap slipping down their shoulder, eyes sensually half-lidded and you know this too— because, again, you know Jungkook so well, know what he wants even if he can’t say it —as you step into his bubble again, peer up at him with your arms held behind your back.

“A ride home?” you ask, blinking your long lashes in a way that robs him of his breath. And he can see that switch flick on inside of you, watches that pure and innocent gleam in your eyes slowly become replaced with something mischievous. Jungkook nods dumbly. “I’d love that.”

Jungkook blinks. “Great,” he chokes out, neatly dropping the wicker basket in his hands. In a way, it brings him back down to reality, lets him snap away from your hypnotizing gaze as he reaches for the keys in his pocket. “Let me— I just have to— yeah,” he stammers, clicking the button on his car keys one too many times, has it perkily beeping. Your lips press together into an amused smile, the last thing Jungkook sees before ripping himself away from you and yanking the back door open.

He nearly throws the basket in like a madman, glassware be damned. It’s his last shred of rationality that tells him not to, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on edge as he steps up to the edge of the sidewalk and carefully places it on the floor behind the passenger’s seat.

When Jungkook rises back up, there is a hand that brushes against his forearm, a gentle touch that has him throwing a curious glance your way. He’s not expecting to be so entranced by the dreamy look in your eyes, feet glued to the ground as you trail your hand down, catching his wrist between your fingers. You’re standing so close, making Jungkook feel like he’s trapped between you and his own car. His entire body is on edge when you lean in, placing a soft kiss against the very corner of his mouth. It leaves a tingling sensation, and accompanied with the growing warmth beneath his skin, feels like he’s been burned. “I had fun,” you murmur, voice low. It sends a shock of electricity down his spine, a wave of exhilaration that has him fully turning to face you as you eventually step away, that same playful grin on your features again.

A surge of confidence and greed overcomes him, has him stepping forward into your space despite the nervousness that builds within him. There’s a hint of surprise in your eyes that you quickly mask, placating his bumbling nerves with a delicate hand placed over his heart. He can’t breathe when you lean in, softly humming, “kiss me?”

Jungkook’s lower lip wobbles. “O- Okay,” he concedes, voice but an airy whisper that is soon swallowed up. You taste like fruit and orange juice, remnants of your picnic clinging to your lips as you slowly consume Jungkook’s entire attention with this soft brush alone. It’s a rather short affair, one that ends all too soon when you pull away with a soft sigh against his lips.

Your smile is so pretty when you angle it at him, has him taking one jerky step backwards. His back hits the car, feels trapped. But he isn’t scared, doesn’t find himself anxiously awaiting your next move. “Good boy,” you purr, reaching one graceful hand forward, playfully tugging at his tie, wrapping it around your knuckles as you use it as leverage to pull him close again.

You’re just so pretty, Jungkook has always thought so. From the moment he first met you until now, there is something about you—a glint in your eyes, a quirk to your lips—that has had him under your spell for weeks now.

Had Jungkook seriously despised you and your ethics, perhaps this feeling would have gone away. But the fact of the matter is that you make Jungkook’s heart hammer dangerously in his chest, a shot of adrenaline through his veins when you look at him with those low-lidded eyes, touch him with those experienced hands. He wants you so bad, even after all he’s learned, all he’s seen. He wants you over him and under him, pressed against him from head to toe. He wants and he wants, and he knows it’s bad to want so much, to be so greedy. But with you around, Jungkook finds himself giving into that greed, clutching at it like a lifeline. “We can, um—,” he stammers, placing one uncertain hand against the top of the door frame beside him. You raise your brows, egging him on yet patiently waiting all at once.

Your gaze is so strong, and it’s in moments like these that Jungkook feels that feeling crawl up his throat. A serpentine gaze, a sticky sweet tongue. Everything he’s ever known says it’s wrong, but his heart and your confession says otherwise. He looks away, throws a bashful glance at the plush leather seats behind him. “In… inside?”

And the offer has you positively beaming before him, that same flirtatious shimmer in your irises doubling at the words that roll off his tongue. “Oh my,” you swoon playfully, stepping back to, Jungkook assumes, allow him to get in.

He plops down, feels like he would break out in a sweat if the evening temperature wasn’t so cool. The car’s interior blends into the shadows, his clothing practically indiscernible against the dark shade of the seats. A stark contrast to the pretty floral dress that suddenly spills itself over his lap when you climb in, the door tugged shut beside the two of you. All is silent, your thighs over his, hands on his shoulders. “Hi, bunny,” you murmur, lips pulled into a smirk, provocative yet playful, like you know something that Jungkook doesn’t.

Jungkook’s throat feels dry but he still manages to gulp. He’s drowning in your perfume and your body lotion, in the faint smell of the outdoors clinging to your clothes and your hair, the absolutely heavenly scent of just you in your entirety. “Hi,” he whispers back, voice lost beneath the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears. And his quiet greeting is rewarded with two soft hands that crawl up his neck, cupping his face in their palms.

“You were so sweet today,” you purr, nose nudging against his when you finally lean in, pressing your breasts against Jungkook. A tiny gasp catches in his throat, his hands instinctively going to your waist. “Can I kiss you again?”

Jungkook has never wanted anything more. “Please,” he exhales, feeling like he’ll explode if you don’t kiss him soon. You take his request in stride, jut your face forward just the slightest bit until your mouth is pressed firmly against his, the movement of your lips a practiced rhythm that he just can’t seem to master. He still tries his best, puckers his lips when he feels it’s right, tilts his head when you urge him with a soft nudge. He tries his best and hopes it’s enough.

By now, Jungkook has come to understand that there is a pattern to your kisses. You always start off slow and relaxed, mouth languidly moving against his as you lure him across a tightrope of anticipation. They gradually become more intense, pulling out whimpers and sighs from Jungkook that he had never known were possible. It’s a carefully crafted art form, the tongue that slides out from between your pillowy lips, dips into his own mouth with a giggly pant. “Good boy,” you hum in between, hands burying themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck. “Always so good.”

Jungkook shudders when you eventually part, can’t catch his breath fast enough before you’re reaching for the buttons on the front of his shirt, easily undoing the casual tie too. “Relax,” you tell him, bypassing his lips for the warm expanse of skin just below. You kiss over his chin, down his neck, as your hands crawl beneath his shirt and around his naked waist.

He’s ticklish, and when you brush against his ribs, he unwillingly releases a sharp huff of laughter. It’s followed by a wide-eyed look of embarrassment, cheeks a warm hue when you lean back in surprise at this new bit of information. “I— sorry,” he blurts out, because he doesn’t know proper make-out etiquette, doesn’t know anything really, except what you’ve shown him.

But the sound makes you snort, looking at him with this gaze that drips with honey. “So cute,” you tell him, placing a chaste kiss against his lips, before disappearing back down to lavish his throat with filthier kisses. And with you laving your tongue across his skin, biting at every inch available, Jungkook is left to fuzzily stare over the crystal clear windshield. He’s struck with the faint realization that if someone were to look hard enough, they would see him through the tinted glass as he fell apart into the hands of a pretty girl.

The soft smack of your lips against his skin is sensual, makes every hair on his body stand stiff. Your lips trail down the column of his neck, placing a bruising kiss at the juncture where it meets the rest of his body. “Oh,” he sighs, eyelids fluttering when a hand squeezes at his chest, thumb against his nipple.

Another muffled giggle pressed against the base of his neck, and when Jungkook focuses his eyes again, he catches his own gaze in the rearview mirror.

The sight of him is… weird to say the least.

Even in the dark, his lips look thoroughly debauched, puffier and redder than usual, slick with saliva that isn’t entirely his. He doesn’t tell himself to, but his mirrored counterpart peeks his tongue out, runs it along his top lip sinfully. Startled by his own appearance, Jungkook jolts in place, feeling you shift in his lap with a soft little whine. “Bunny,” you frown, and Jungkook watches your side profile in the tiny mirror as you sit back up, press your lips against his ear. “Sit still for me,” you tell him, hand slithering up his chest, around his throat. Over his Adam’s apple, squeezing just the slightest. It’s not tight, but it knocks the air out of his lungs when he sees the action mirrored back at him on the reflective surface.

That familiar guilt sticks in his throat, evident when your hand slips away and he swallows harshly, the protrusion just beneath his skin bobbing up and down.

In the back of Jungkook’s mind, he can recall the religious story that surrounded this bodily feature; a sin and the consequence. A garden and a fruit, a beautiful woman by his side.

Your hand creeps down between your bodies, palming over his quickly fattening cock, and Jungkook swears he sees stars, a strained whimper escaping from his lips that you giggle at. “Oh my,” he huffs, clutching at the skirt of your dress. You nuzzle close again, pressing a tender kiss against the side of his neck.

Your hands are so soft and sweet, brushing over his cock like you’re simply caressing him out of adoration and not because you want him to cum, staining his seats and your dress. Either way, Jungkook can’t even begin to imagine what you must be thinking; before the date and his confession, he had been afraid that you would discard him. Maybe Jungkook wasn’t what you wanted, maybe he wasn’t what you needed. You were so confident in yourself and your actions, a stark contrast to Jungkook and his constant uncertainty, his fear of doing the wrong thing plaguing him at all hours of the day.

Even now, with your hands expertly tugging his zipper down, he finds himself going back to that story. That apple in the garden, the consequences it had hailed. Never mind the fact you’re on top of him, claiming to like him, with your hands touching every inch of his skin. He keeps looping back to that Biblical verse instead, thinks about it when your fingers meanly let the elastic band of his briefs snap against his skin. “Ouch,” he flinches, voice a soft whine. He turns too quickly and too suddenly, nose bumping against yours because you’re still so close.

You smile, puckering your lips for the lightest of kisses. It’s the little things like that that make Jungkook’s entire thought process stall, distantly aware of the fact that it’s, like always, you leading the majority of your encounters once again. Even during your picnic, it had been you who had practically held his hand as you navigated through basic information, asked for his favorite color and his favorite drink. Had it not been for your own proactive tendencies, Jungkook fears he would have never known your favorite color was pink or your favorite day of the week was Thursday.

It’s a fact that makes him pause, jaw tightening as he once again realizes how little effort he was putting into knowing you. For someone who claimed to like you a lot, he rarely did the work to prove it. Even now, he’s too unsure of who he is and who you are to indulge you properly, instead watching you lead the scene as usual. Before he can stop himself, a sigh is escaping his lips.

It must convey his emotions perfectly, because it’s enough to make your wandering hands pause by his waist. “Everything okay?” you ask, always knowing what he’s feeling. And it sucks that he couldn’t say the same for himself.

“N— Yes,” he rushes to say, looking up at you with round eyes, the moonlight painting half of your face a paler color than usual, the other side shrouded in darkness. It makes your eyes look darker, makes Jungkook gulp loudly when you turn those inquisitive eyes on him.

His answer doesn’t seem to convince you, and it’s with little to no hesitation that you sit back. It puts a distance between the two of you that Jungkook can’t say he’s a fan of. “Jungkook,” you say, voice stern yet warm, one hand reaching up to brush your knuckles against his cheek. “Tell me what’s bothering you?”

It makes Jungkook nervous. He knows he thinks too much. Part of him fears that oversharing with you will drive you away, put you even farther than you are now. Maybe next time it’ll be a room’s length away, a football field’s length away. And he doesn’t want that; he wants to hold you close, he really does. But there are traditions he carries and beliefs he holds dearly that make it hard for him to do so, as much as it pains him.

The only reason he knows he’s frowning is because you press your pointer finger against the corner of his mouth. You lean in close, nose bumping against his. It sends your scent billowing over him, makes him dizzy when he becomes aware of the hand he’s got on your bare thigh, the rumpled skirt of your dress pushed away. “Talk to me, bunny,” you murmur. You don’t make a move to kiss him, a fact that Jungkook feels both grateful and disheartened by. “Please?”

And he can’t deny you, not when you ask so nicely. You have this metaphorical grip on Jungkook, a tight hold around his throat that has made him act impulsively these past few weeks, desperate to be with you, to please you. Even now, despite how much he wants to withhold his thoughts, he finds himself quietly admitting them instead. “I want to know you,” he mumbles, unable to meet your eye. You don’t push him to. “I really, um. I like you, __. A lot.” It’s a repetition of his earlier confession. And still, it makes him nervous. A thumb brushes against his cheekbone, encouraging him to meet your solemn gaze even if it means being a blushing mess afterwards. “Before we, uh, do… things.”

His words may be choppy and incoherent, but you understand him all the same. “You want to go out some more,” you clarify, removing your hand from his cheek. The phantom trail of your fingertips on his skin remains, feels colder when you lean away to allow him some more space.

Jungkook nods quickly, hoping this rush of adrenaline might help him through this. He bites down on his lower lip, carefully analyzing your expression for any signs of disbelief or disgust. But all he sees is understanding, a cool expression that makes Jungkook’s heart thunder. “I…,” he says, glancing down at where he’s still got his hand on your naked skin. Something inside of him tells him to rub his thumb across it, an action he doesn’t think through until he hears a sharp inhale, watches goosebumps rise over the skin. “I’m sorry,” he rushes out, snatching his hand away before he can do something else of a similar sort. “I- I just—“ said hand now waves around wildly beside him “—I really like you, as a, um— uh. A person. And I—“ and this is where he becomes aware of his unbuttoned shirt and the way you’ve got your pretty pussy pressed against his thigh now “—I, um. I want to know me— I mean, you —better? More? Like—“

His embarrassing babbling is cut off with a gentle kiss to his lips. No tongue, no saliva. Just soft lips against his, a delicate hand against his shoulders. When you pull away, Jungkook unconsciously trails after the touch, eyes half-lidded and in a daze when you place a palm on his chest. “I got it,” you say, lips quirking into a tiny smile. “I want to know more about you too, bunny,” you admit, reaching for the front of his shirt. He watches on with flushed cheeks as you slowly button it up for him, finishing it off with a playful tap against the underside of his chin.

You glance out of the window thoughtfully. Jungkook is suddenly reminded of how pretty you are, your skin practically glimmering under the pale moonlight. It catches on your necklace, a thin chain with a cross on the end. If he focuses his eyes behind you, his own reflection stares back once more. Jungkook’s entire body threatens to lock up tightly, but a single kiss on the cheek from you interrupts the process. “Do you wanna date?” you ask, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Jungkook can’t agree fast enough. “I— yes,” he gasps, leaning forward too suddenly. It makes you flinch back in surprise, back pressing up against the driver’s seat behind you in surprise. You wouldn’t have fallen or anything, but Jungkook reacts like it was a serious possibility anyway, grasping at your waist and pulling you snug against him, soft thighs sandwiching his tiny waist. “Oh, God,” he frets, immediately moving to release you.

But you catch him with two arms thrown around his neck, pulling Jungkook close to you for another kiss. Deeper and… meaningful, your satiny lips carefully slotted against his. While it surprises him at first, Jungkook finds himself melting into it soon enough. This was okay, he tells himself, and for the first time in a few weeks, he finds himself believing it.

It was just kissing— intimate yet appropriate kissing —between two people who were seeing each other. Him, properly seeing you. His heart threatens to burst out of its cage for a second. It’s the first time since he’s met you that he can fully say he hadn’t felt nervous about his actions, hadn’t felt like he was committing some grave sin for chasing after your touch. It was just a kiss, simple and sweet, making both of you smile bashfully when you eventually pull away. There was no lying and no guilt, no tears and no stress.

It felt good.

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tsunonotarou · 3 years

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When it comes to writing, I completely understand that feeling of lacking something in comparison to others, but I'm glad that you have it in your mind to try and avoid comparing yourself—we all have our own uniquely wonderful writing style after all! But the feeling is inevitable, yet at the same time it somewhat helps us grow(?). Like, it drives you to push yourself and test the waters for new things, and expounding and further progressing the skill you already possess! But while doing so, please be sure to not over exert yourself!

The consistency of your posting does not matter that much so long as we're aware that you're doing well! Your well-being and personal enjoyment is the top priority! You go ahead and write whenever and whatever you're able to do so and feel like it, please never feel immense pressure to constantly appease your audience :((( (besides, just seeing you on my dashboard whether it's a new story you posted, an ask you answered, or just you screaming is more than enough for me :> maybe you can keep it in mind that there's someone there who appreciates even the most random things you post —aka me <33)

And I'm glad that my words were able to uplift you in a way! I also wanna say that seeing your responses also always makes me smile !!! I don't know what else to say but reading your responses never fails to bring a wide smile to my lips and I just...my mind just melts as I try to process the words, and then it goes blank (but in a very good way?? If that makes sense??).

I've also mentioned that I am your hype person, no? So that basically means that I'm now here to hype you up—whether that's with a certain lion or regarding your mood :>>

And to answer your question, I'm doing great. My day's going smoothly, though not much is happening, but it's how I wish it to be :D

I'm wishing you the very best as you work on those anniv requests! Always remember to take care <3333

-Ly <3

Seriously, what did I do to deserve you ☹️☹️☹️

Thank you so much for your words Ly 😭💛 I’ll be looking back to this the moment I start feeling bad about myself and remember that Ly will kick my ass if I keep moping like this 🥰 thank you for taking the time to write me all this, words cannot explain how grateful I am to have you 🥺 I love you <33 you honestly make me feel so loved 😭

PLEASKEOSJDS IM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE DAY YOU OFF ANON SO THAT I CAN SEND LOVE IN YOUR INBOX/PMS EVERY DAY SKXJSKFJDKF I just 😔💔 can’t wait to finally see you sweetheart hehehe

I’m so sorry for answering this late :( I didn’t have the time to and I had to think of a good reply to your wonderful message </3 but I’m glad you’re doing good! I will work hard on the anniv requests 😚 please take care of yourself as well~

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

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From oldest to newest ~ Erika answers asks ~

hailmary-yramliah said: Wait I’m really tripping out. I realized you were following me on Tumblr and I didn’t even know?!?!?!? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR FICS LIKE WTF IM SO SLOW BUT THANK YOU YOURE LIKE ACTUALLY AMAZING AND ME STANNING YOU RN MAKES ME EMBARRASSED BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT YOU ARE SO TALENTED!!! Ahhhhh I love your Arthur/Joker fics XD

Thank you so so much!!! <33333 This means so much to me! <3333 I hope you continue to enjoy the works that I work so hard on x

Anonymous said:Ngl I feel like it’s wrong to like Arthur & read fics about him only bc my sis thinks it’s weird af. Our interests are complete opposite & finds mine very weird and it kinda makes me sad. I wish she loved the movie as much as me & understood my “obsessions” as she calls them. Anyways, love your fics sm! You’ve gotten me into this fandom so quickly and I love it! 💕

Your sister sounds just like my, and others’, family. They don’t understand because the film wasn’t for them. It was for people like us who see Arthur and who understand him. If you find enjoyment in something, darling, most especially if it’s fictional (though very realistic), then there’s no shame in indulging in it. Thank you very much, that means a lot! <3

insfirebunny said: Ok As you might see rn I make myself comfortable in your blog. Hope you don't mind. I enjoy every single one story of yours. You write so beautifully that it's magical. Take care of yourself, sunshine ☀

I don’t mind at all, I’m flattered, thank you so, so much! <33333 take care of yourself too!!!!

Anonymous said: Would you rather date Arthur or Joker??

To me, Arthur never went insane and ‘became’ Joker. He’s not the insane one; the world is mad. So I would date Arthur and I would love him and protect him and help him (everything I write about is everything I would do for him; the things I write for others are very self-indulgent lmao I have no shame) and if, in his own time, he grew into himself (Joker), then I would still love and support him just the same. I don’t think he went mad - I think he just dropped everything holding him down, holding him back, and said “fuck the world”. And honestly? That’s a big fucking mood.

Anonymous said: Okay speaking of the multiverse theory, what is your view on it regarding fictional characters. I personally believe that not only do they exist, but with the right skills you could connect with them in some way.

Since I was a child, for as long as I could remember, I’ve had this super vivid made up, carefully crafted world inside my head with all my most loved characters. I have spent my life inside my head daydreaming. I’ve never needed real life friends because I have my imagination and though I tried to make friends. I tried so hard but I never got anywhere because I was a freak, I was this and that etc. etc. (I was bullied for like 15 years lmao fuck ‘em) and so I stayed inside my head and didn’t bother trying to cross that invisible glass wall between me and everyone else. I’m 22 and I still haven’t bothered to try; it’s cosy here so I’ll stay inside my head where I can make others happy with my daydreams. But I digress - I like to think that our loves know that we love them. Every thought, every tear, every daydream, every squeal, every pillow we’ve squeezed wanting to be them, every imagine, everything we have done or do because of them, for them, they know. They see it; they feel it. I like to believe that Arthur Fleck knows how deeply he is loved and cherished he is by all of us and more than that - he loves us all just as fiercely, and he’s so, so proud of all of us. (Also lowkey I know it’s your skin shifting due to temperature changes etc. but you know when you think you feel a hand on your shoulder or fingers in your hair when you’re like half asleep and just dozing??? Or when you have a dream of him? That’s Arthur reaching out to us in the only way he can to say he knows, he sees and he loves us too.)

Anonymous said: I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH! Like it’s crazy how good you write

Thank you so, so much!!! <3333333 I work .v. hard (one piece can take up to three hours, though the longest I’ve ever spent on a piece (Coming Home To You) was six hours. I still say that is the best thing I’ve ever written, so that means a lot! <3

Anonymous said: I love Joker from our dearly beloved 2019 Joker movie as well as Joker from The Dark Night. I can't choose which I love more so why not both! At the same time! ifyouknowwhatimsaying 👀👀👀

Sksksksksksk I believe @gothamslittlejester can help you out here lmao she’s written for poly!readerxJokerxJoker so go check out her works; they’re phenomenal! <3

Anonymous said: There's a tornado warning in my area. We NEVER get tornado warnings, like ever, so I'm kind of scared.

Ohmygoodness please stay safe, darling!!! I’ve never experienced any kind of natural phenomena like that so I can’t imagine how scary that must be! I hope everything turned out well x

Anonymous said: I read what happened to you at work and deeply sorry. I’m sure you are more than aware of this but their reaction is a reflection of themselves than of you. You have the full power to enjoy and like what you please. Also, it is okay to bite back when it is needed. It may be hard to, but sometimes it’s healthy to stand up for yourself at times. Of course it is easier said than done. Remember you’re a goddess! Take back your power ✨

Thank you so, so much!!!! I’m not really all that affected by what happened anymore; it was only a week ago but already I’ve reached that nice part of apathy where you still care but you’re like, aa fuck it, I don’t wanna be hurt by it anymore. Standing up for myself is very hard; I’m a lot like Arthur in that respect: I put my head down, bite my tongue and take it because I hate confrontation. I hate it so much so I’d rather stay quiet. My parents told me I need to be a bit less Arthur and a bit more Joker; maybe in time that bite will come to me xp thank you honey! Your words mean a lot; I’m always here if you ever wanna talk about anything!!!

Anonymous said: I just read what you said about your coworkers. Honestly that's so horrible and I hope you're feeling better soon. ♡ I feel you so much, things like that happened to me all the time while I was still in school. But please, don't hate yourself. You have such a beautiful mind, you have talent & creativity most of them couldn't even dream of. It's not your fault that they can't see how beautiful being an introvert & a daydreamer can be. You're wonderful the way you are. ♡ ( @buried-in-windy-meadows )

I’m so sorry that you had to experience that, too, it’s an awful feeling when you try to be yourself and people are mean. I hope you know that they are no reflection on you, as the previous anon says - it’s all on them! Thank you so much; your words mean a lot <3 I’ve always been this way, for as long as I can remember I’ve lived inside my head, so I see no reason to change; I’m happy in, not necessarily myself, but my imagination and my creativity is my favourite part of myself (even when I’m at war with the rest of me, I can find solace in my imagination and I’m very lucky to have that) and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Anonymous said: I’m pretty sure you’re on the opposite side of the world from me so I just wanted to let you know your words and your attitude are making someone on the other side of the planet smile. We are all so lucky to have you and to have this movie to connect us. It makes me feel really human 🧡

This film is without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me - we’ve all found a home, a place to go to vent and to write and to support each other and it’s so beautiful how such a tragic, grisly and dark film has brought light to so many of us. Arthur would adore it, I know he would. Thank you, darling, this means a lot to me! Please know I’m always here for you should you ever need anything or just wanna drop a line! <3

rafaelina-casillas said:Aw, I'm so so sorry that happened to you! People can be so nasty - especially to those who never deserved it! I hope you're feeling a lot better now! I can only say that in my country (where Halloween is not a tradition but more and more people are celebrating it) I saw at least 5 or 6 people in less than an hour who were doing the same makeup as you - and no one tried to mock them. I guess you had the worst luck with your colleagues but try to not mind them. They don't deserve your nerves! 💖

Exactly! I didn’t go out with my makeup, I just stayed home and enjoyed my private and personal display of love for Joker - I’m sure he’d have been flattered! And I dared to open up to my colleagues; it’s a mistake I won’t make twice, that’s for sure. Thank you, you’re always so kind to me and it means a lot - will have to DM you soon!

insfirebunny said: You look so cute and your writing is a pure gold. Stay strong

Thank you so, so much, you’re too kind!!! Take care of yourself, love! <3

Anonymous said: binge watching Batman: The Animated Series this weekend. Mark Hamil’s joker is amazing tbh

I’ll have to check that out; see if it’s on Netflix or Youtube. I hope you had a wonderful weekend! <3

theclownsqueen said: Hi! Im a new page, i love your page so much and your work is amazing! Sorry just thought I'd drop by. :)

Yeeeees ohmygoodness I gotta reply to your DM; I’ve got so many lmao <3333 thank you so much, you’re far too kind, I hope you continue to enjoy my works; I’m always here if you need anything x

Anonymous said: I relate to Arthur so bad. I’ve always been a loner and really shy, plus I’ve been helping out my mother a lot with financial problems. Once I saw the movie in theaters I just fell in love with it and it really brings me joy to read your fics. I just wish I wouldn’t get labeled a weirdo or freak for openly expressing that I like Arthur. Just makes me feel ashamed for liking something which sucks.

Thank you, darling - I’m glad my works can bring you joy; that’s really all I want to do with my writing is to help people in the moments they most need it. Even if all I manage to do is make your lips quirk upwards, that means I’ve done what I set out to do! I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time of it and I hope things start to look up for you soon! <3 The people who should feel ashamed are the ones labelling you for expressing yourself; truly, they’re the punchline of the joke Arthur was laughing at during the end of the film. Don’t let them take your sun from you, love - that means they’re winning. Please know I’m always here for you; don’t be afraid to drop me a line! <3

Anonymous said: I love your writing!

Thanks, honey! That means a lot <3

Anonymous said: Any tips for fic writers out there? Love your work btw!

There’s so much I could tell you but honestly, rules and guidelines don’t matter. Just have fun with it. Write what you wanna write in the way you wanna write it, when you wanna write it, and if anyone doesn’t like it, then who cares? Do it for you, even if you’re fulfilling requests for other people. Step back when you gotta, don’t be afraid to turn down writing requests if you don’t gel with them or you just don’t wanna or you’re not comfy with it, and really just have fun. If you have fun with the work you put in, then it’ll shine through and people’ll love it!

writings-of-a-gen-z said: hey love hope everythings going okay for you and the world isnt being too mean x

You’re too good to me, you always are. Thanks, love, and the same for you <3 sending hugs and love!

jibanyyan submitted:

I love your writing so so so so much you don’t even know it! I get excited each time I get notified that you posted again and I even take my time to read them in uni!!!

Just know that I love your blog and you can always reach out to me if you need someone to talk to even though we don’t know each other!

Much love goes out to you love xx

Thank you so, so much omgggggg you’re always so kind and supportive and it’s???? amazing ???? Please know the same for you; I’m almost always online when I’m not at work (even when I’m studying I have tumblr open in case people need me lmao) so I’ll reply .p. quickly! <3333 thank you so much omgggg sending you loads of love and hugs, I hope you’re well!

harlyquln said: when do you plan on opening requests again? 🥵

I’m not sure yet, love, but because I love to put myself under pressure lmao because nothing will make you work like an impending deadline, shall we say the beginning of December? That gives me just under 3 weeks to write almost 40 requests and honestly, that seems reasonable (ish). <3

Anonymous said: your comfort fics are always so beautiful 💕 i’ve never felt like i was actually IN an imagine before i read one of yours. you’re honestly one of my fav authors

Omggggg thank youuuuuu~ comfort fics are my favourite thing to write so that means so much! <3

kat-o-combs said: Good morning sunshine ☺️ I hope your day is going well. You deserve happiness, comfort, and contentment 💕 love ya!

Omgggg you’re always so good to me wtfffff <3333 thank youuu I hope the same for you too; you deserve all the best things in life! Love you too x

Anonymous said: Hope you're gonna feel better! I've discovered your blog... a week ago, I think, and your stories have helped me more than you'll ever know. I find a lot of comfort and support to keep me going when I read your stories and I'm so thankful for your blog. :)

Helping people with my writing is a literal dream so thank you for telling me this! When I write the softer comfort imagines, they’re very emotionally draining and I have to dig deep to write them so usually I come away feeling old wounds and pretty tired in myself; I take care of myself in the ways I know helps (funnily enough, writing is both the issue and the solution) and I come back out on top. Thank you very much for telling me this, I’m glad I’m able to help you! <3

Anonymous said: Awww I hope you feel better soon!!

I do, darling, thank you so much x

Anonymous said: Sneaking up to nuzzle Arthur, then blowing a raspberry on his neck and watching him grin and shy away with a giggle.

Yeeeees~ lmaooooo it’s what he deserves!!!!!! <33333

Anonymous said: I saw joker for the second time and I think I've finally accepted in myself what you had a while ago. Arthur feels like home, he feels like comfort. When he would be dancing or just even smile I felt like I was there and I felt like everything was okay. I've fallen in love with a fictional character, but I can accept that. Because escaping with him brings me so much joy and love, I cant imagine being without it

Neither can I, nonnie. I’ve felt love for characters before but never like this. Never. I never wanna be without him or without this community again. We found a home in Arthur Fleck and fuck he’d love that so much. I’m glad he’s able to to bring you joy and love, it’s all he’d want for you and he’d be so proud of you!!! <3

Anonymous said: I had a dream about arthur last night???? Like I got into a car crash and he came and got me and brought me home and cuddled me and gave me kisses and honestly the dream was super scattered but so nice wow

That sounds like such a lovely dream omg loving Arthur and being loved right back??? Where do we sign up?? <3

Anonymous said: wish i could make Arthur a flower crown right now god damn

A) he’d look so fucking cute and B) he’d wear it around the apartment all the time omgggggg ~ he’d never wear it outside bc he’s scared it’ll get lost or stolen or broken but at home he’d cherish it so much and he’d look adorable ohhhh~ ;33333

Anonymous said: Hey, Ily and all though I'm not the biggest fan of Joker fics I just want you to know I still support and care for you

Thank you honey, this means a lot!!!! If this isn’t your scene, you’re welcome to unfollow, I won’t be mad or anything at all. Thank you for your continued support if you decide to stay, though, it means so much x

rebs-doom said:reminder that u r my fave person bye

Come here and let me love you, you precious, beautiful soul. I love you so much.

Anonymous said: What do you get when you cross a sad, touch-starved man with a blog that cherishes him and treats him well? I'll tell you what you get, you get what you fucking deserve. *smooch*

Can you imagine:

“Hey, Arthur?”

Arthur made a soft noise of acknowledgement from where he was sleepily cuddled into your side.

“Wanna hear a joke?”

“Mm,” He chuckled, “What?” He blearily opened his eyes to gaze at you fondly.

*You tell him this joke but swap ‘blog’ for ‘person’ and kiss him before he can react*

And see how fast he gives you what you deserve ;) ;)

(high key it’d become a way for you to say ‘i love you’ without saying it. Like, “you’re always so good to me” // “it’s what you deserve”) <333 sweet boi deserves the world.

Anonymous said: Can I just say how much of a blessing you are to the Arthur Fleck/Joker fandom!

Istg I’m drowning in all this love omggggg you’re far too kind to me I’m just a simple girl pouring out her love for Arthur/Joker into her blog because it’s got nowhere else to go <333333333 thank you so much!!! <3333

Anonymous said: I feel so sad for Arthur; he pretty much had the world against him from day one. I could only imagine some of the stuff he'd gone through when he was small. I just see baby Arthur lying in a filthy crib, crying for his mother's comfort or from hunger, and Penny just not even noticing it or caring.

I know :( it’s so tragic and dark and there are thousands of Arthur Flecks in real life who are unseen and defeated and broken down but they can’t get help but they’re trying and they work so hard and they just. Keep. Going. I left the cinema each time crying really hard and got home and cried some more for Arthur and for all the people, including myself, who watched the film and saw pieces of themselves in Arthur. When I think of Penny, I find it oddly funny that she always called him ‘Happy’ when he was anything but and it was only until she died that he became what she always thought he was. It’s beautifully ironic, in a strange way.

Okay, so uh... I gotta not let asks build up like that again lmao this took me two hours wowowowow <3333 I’m aiming to get some writing done today, there’s three or four pieces I’ve started and not finished so I’ll work on those. Thanks, loves, you have no idea how much you all mean to me! <3

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beckzorz · 5 years

Text

Out of Nowhere (2/21)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OFC Summary: An offhand comment at work draws Jesse Kaplan into the orbit of Bucky Barnes. Bucky’s excited at the prospect of normalcy, but there’s nothing normal about falling in love with the Winter Soldier. Words: 3577 A/N: HELLO FROM PART 2!!! Enter Bucky! :D And enter some unconventional formatting... A lot of this is drawn from my personal experiences, and a lot of my personal experiences involve texting my friends about what’s going on a hundred times a day XD (Sorry @kentuckybarnes!) The song for this chapter is “Solitude” by Duke Ellington from In a Sentimental Mood. Hope you enjoy :3

PART 2: “SOLITUDE”

Today, 6:38 PM

itsadrian: ahhh you look great!!!!! jesse.kaplan: Thanks :3333 jesse.kaplan: I’d feel better about this if I had a cocktail dress newer than the 1950s itsadrian: lol itsadrian: that’s what you get for only buying vintage clothes jesse.kaplan: My jeans are brand new Adrian… it’s my soul that’s the Real Old™ around here jesse.kaplan: don’t judge itsadrian: can’t help it itsadrian: at least it’s a nice one tho! the 50s are back in itsadrian: and black is classic itsadrian: i think if you went in a dress from the 40s you’d raise some Actual Old But Also Young™ eyebrows itsadrian: 50s seem pretty safe in comparison jesse.kaplan: don’t judge… but I had that same thought process haha itsadrian: SMART itsadrian: that’s why i keep you around :P jesse.kaplan: Well thank god otherwise I’d be having a panic attack on the metro which is never a great look jesse.kaplan: my roommate said it looked ok but I trust you more haha jesse.kaplan: oh geez here we go ttyl!! itsadrian: take a selfie with pepper potts!!!! byeeee

—

Jesse stuffed her phone in her clutch and adjusted its long strap across her body as she ran up the stairs to street level. The benefit was at a fancy hotel in Midtown, a block and a half from the subway. She was grateful she hadn’t given in to the urge to wear her fanciest shoes; her low black heels weren’t debilitating. Not yet, anyway. Hopefully there wouldn’t be too much standing in place.

She hummed jazz to herself as she walked briskly along, not meeting anyone’s gaze. Was it obvious where she was going, dressed up as she was? The benefit wasn’t hugely publicized, or at least she hoped it wasn’t. Sure, there might be a few supers there, but not the whole Avengers squad.

As soon as she rounded the corner, she sighed in relief. Though guests trickled in, the photographers corded off from the entry ignored them. No doubt they were waiting for the famous people.

Jesse hurried to the door, fished out the invite on her phone, and flashed it to the security guard as she went in. She heard sudden calls from the street, but the doors closed before she could see who was arriving.

Inside was cool, fancy—art deco carpeting, gilded columns, a gleaming reception desk. The odd tourist gawked; Jesse ignored them as best she could as she followed the directions of the smiling tuxedoed butler to the ballroom. She steeled herself and went inside.

Alright, so the room was gorgeous. A snazzy bar hugged the left wall, not far from the door, and a small raised stage complete with a Stark Foundation podium was on the far wall. Numbered tables set for ten took up much of the room, but there was a small area for schmoozing by the bar. Jesse brightened when she spotted the quartet just about to play—and a dance floor! Maybe they’d play some jazz, or swing…

Jesse deflated. She didn’t know anyone here.

“Excuse me,” someone said behind her, and Jesse apologized and made her way over to the bar, a vague smile fixed on her face. All she got was a water; no way was she drinking alcohol when she had to talk to strangers. She stood a few steps away from the bar, watching the few couples swaying to the music with a critical eye.

“Jesse?”

Jesse jumped and turned. A fellow dancer! Someone loved her tonight. “Mike! What are you doing here?”

“My company is getting a nod,” Mike said, grinning back down at her. He was pale and very tall—well over six feet—and wonderfully dressed, considering she’d only ever seen him in t-shirt and jeans. “You?”

“My colleague’s in the hospital, so I’m a last-minute replacement. She’ll recover,” Jesse added when Mike’s face screwed up. “If you’re here, I’m not sorry to have to replace her anymore though! How are you?”

“Pretty good, you?”

“Same old. Tired, but what else is new. Anyway, this isn’t exactly perfect music, but wanna dance?”

“Of course,” Mike answered.

Jesse chugged her water and left her empty cup and clutch at her table before hurrying back to Mike as a new song was starting. It had a better beat than the first song, and they snagged a spot near the band.

As soon as they starting pulsing to the music, Jesse’s lingering anxiety completely melted away. There was something magical about dancing with a good lead. Nothing else seemed to matter, and it was so easy to close your eyes and let yourself be led. And Mike was a very good lead.

Once they started doing more complex moves, where Mike was alternatively at arm’s length and swinging her around him, Jesse opened her eyes to avoid collisions. The song was good, predictable—they both hit a break in the music and grinned at each other.

Then Jesse recognized a face in the little crowd that was gathering around to watch them, and she couldn’t help but stare.

Sergeant Barnes.

His expression was severe, intense; his hair was pulled back tightly. Combined with a high forehead and his sharp suit, he looked two steps shy of terrifying. After a moment, he met her gaze. Jesse forced a smile and looked away, heat rising to her cheeks. She kept her eyes on Mike, only daring to look as far up as the onlookers’ collars when she wasn’t facing her friend.

The music was fun, her dancing was good, so why did the guy who had been so impressed by her work look so displeased with her now? Why couldn’t he smile like everyone else, and save her from being so worked up as to lose enjoyment in her one consolation tonight? She felt someone staring, cutting a line across her arms, her collarbone—she didn’t dare look to see if it was still him. She had to talk to him later.

The song finally ended, and Jesse thanked Mike with a customary hug. Some of the onlookers clapped, and Jesse warmed a little as she smiled shyly around at them. Barnes had vanished, thank god.

Jesse slipped away to get her cup, disturbed. She couldn’t think of Barnes like that; he’d done so much for BCEI. And Marilyn liked him. She took a breath to clear her head and arrived at her table.

Oh.

Well.

Sergeant Barnes was sitting next to her things. An old woman was chatting to him from his other side. Barnes glanced at her as she approached, but almost immediate turned his whole body to face her. His gaze was less severe than before; maybe the effect of his companion?

“Hello,” Jesse said, doing her best to maintain a genuine smile.

“Hey,” Barnes said. His voice was soft, a little melancholy, and not exactly friendly. Still, a big improvement.

Jesse slid into her seat and wrapped her hands nervously around her glass, which a waiter came by to refill. The tables were awfully crowded; there was no room to avoid Barnes' gaze without seeming rude. She took a steadying breath and looked back up at him as confidently as she could.

Okay, she knew he was ripped, but his face was oddly delicate. Maybe his sad eyes, or his mouth—Jesse cut herself off.

“I’m here for BCEI instead Marilyn,” she told him.

Barnes stiffened. His eyes narrowed as he leaned back a little to regard her with a suddenly terrifying demeanor. “Oh? What happened to Marilyn?”

“She broke her ankle,” Jesse blurted, her own eyes widening as his narrowed even further. “She’s alright though! Just a fall. A cat or… something. I’m sorry.”

“Bucky, contain yourself before you make this poor girl faint,” the old woman on Barnes' other side cut in. She leaned forward a bit and smiled, not unkindly, at Jesse. “You dance beautifully.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” Jesse said, cheeks hot. She stared into her water, trying to relax.

“I’m sorry,” Barnes said, low and repentant. “I was looking forward to seeing her.”

Jesse forced a little laugh. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too! She was looking forward to coming.”

“But you weren’t?” he asked. She looked up at that. He had his eyebrows raised a little, and she flushed anew. Was it so obvious?

“I only found out I was coming this morning,” she hedged. “I’ve never been to anything like this. I don’t think I’ll know if I should’ve looked forward to it until it’s over.”

He let out a rueful sigh. “Smart.”

Jesse sipped her water rather than agree with him. Far be it from her to tout her own intelligence. Though she couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking of. He had to be thinking of something specific. She wondered.

The old woman on Barnes' other side reclaimed his attention with what turned out to be a long-winded story. Jesse couldn’t help but admire his quiet attentiveness. Perhaps listening to other people was easier than talking for him? She often found it so among strangers.

Five minutes in, the band quieted. The rest of their table filled in as Pepper Potts mounted the stage, a hulking man in a suit close at her heels. Jesse tried to figure out who in the crowd was a donor and who, like her, was a beneficiary. It was easier with the women—the rich ones had nicer, blingier jewelry. The men… all wore suits.

Potts began her speech, silencing all other conversations. “Hi and welcome to Stark Industries’ annual benefit…”

Jesse listened, half attentive, as Potts introduced various people representing various organizations. Each one went on stage to applause and shook Potts’ hand (continued applause), made a short speech about their Good Works (followed by applause), and left the stage. Jesse began to tune it all out, but then she heard Barnes' name and perked up.

“—Sergeant James Barnes, for his work with the Brooklyn Children’s Education Initiative.”

A smattering of applause echoed through the room as Barnes stood. The couple across the table from Jesse paled as they stared at him in fresh realization. Had they really not recognized him? Jesse glanced around; the shock and whispers were poorly masked by polite clapping. Apparently he wasn’t as instantly recognizable as she’d assumed.

A sudden burst of panic flared in her gut. Would Barnes' checkered history color BCEI’s opportunities in the future? Had she made a mistake soliciting his help?

She stared anxiously around the crowd, then back to Barnes. He stepped nimbly between the tables and up the steps to the podium, shook Pepper Potts’ hand, and adjusted the mic to his six-foot frame.

“Thanks,” Barnes said. His voice was soft, round, and vaguely ironic, but he met her eyes from across the room and gave her a serious little nod. Surprised, Jesse nodded back, and Barnes looked up to the prompter. “The Brooklyn Children’s Education Initiative provides the opportunity for underprivileged kids in my hometown to be fully engaged with their education. Their after-school programs at schools around Brooklyn welcome students of all backgrounds. I was lucky enough to participate in a program about the Great Depression, and it was inspiring to watch the students take control of their own learning. BCEI is a great cause. Thanks, Pepper, and everyone else who enables them to continue their good work.”

Once he stepped back, Jesse relaxed. It was so obviously scripted that she felt no qualms in only clapping as long as most others. It wasn’t any skin off his back if she didn’t give a standing ovation for her own organization.

Best of all, the speech completely sidestepped his questionable past.

When Barnes made it back to the table, Jesse smiled up at him briefly, finally at ease about her attendance. She was done! BCEI had done its part. As soon as the rest of the speeches were done, she could leave, dance with Mike, make small talk—

Well, hopefully not small talk.

As the next speech went underway, Jesse looked through the crowd for Mike, finally spotting him a few tables away next to a middle-aged blond woman. Mike was busy watching the speech, but the woman eventually glanced Jesse’s way. Jesse gave a little smile and looked back to the stage, embarrassed.

Pepper Potts finished her closing statements and left the stage (to applause) as the band picked back up. Jesse turned at last to Barnes and cleared her throat.

Once he turned to her, she said, “Thank you for your speech.”

“You’re welcome,” he said. He took a sip of his drink; Jesse realized he too was just drinking water, and wondered why. Habit, or necessity?

“I don’t know your name,” Barnes said suddenly.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I’m Jesse.”

He studied her face. “You apologize a lot,” he said. “Why?”

“I dunno, Jewish guilt?”

“Ha.” Barnes said, but he was not smiling.

Of course—he’d worked for Nazis. Jesse winced.

“Alternatively, bad parenting?” she offered.

Barnes gave a tiny smile—his first all night. Jesse almost cheered.

“Hi, Jesse.”

Jesse spun in her seat. “Mike! Hi!” She smiled up at her friend. Mike glanced at Barnes with muted curiosity.

“Wanna dance?” he asked.

She smiled and jumped to her feet. Let Barnes be awkward at someone else. “Take a guess.”

–

Jesse danced with Mike for a single glorious song. When a stranger asked her to dance, she accepted, but instantly regretted it. She smiled tensely the whole time, using as much force as she dared to keep her shoulder from popping out of its socket. Once the song was over, she fled back to Mike with a relieved sigh.

While they were dancing, someone kicked the back of Jesse’s ankle. She stumbled with a wince; Mike gripped her elbow, steadying her.

“I’m sorry! Are you okay?” she asked automatically, turning to face whoever had stepped on her.

It was Barnes, dancing with the old woman from their table. His face was pinched, but as she spoke his expression grew incredulous.

“I kicked you,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Of course, it happens all the time,” Jesse said. She rolled her ankle, containing a wince. Barnes just stared at her. She smiled, hoping to diffuse—reassure him. “So I’ll have a bruise! It’s the cost of doing business. Not a big deal. You’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said, still looking at her as though she had two heads.

“Good,” Jesse said. She nodded with finality and turned back to Mike. As they finished out the song, she occasionally met Barnes' eyes. It was hard to look friendly under the force of his confusion, especially as she considered the necessity of asking after the well-being of someone who had not been hurt when that someone was a supersoldier.

Of course Barnes was fine. He was engineered to be fine.

Physically, anyway. Who knew what was going on in his head.

The song ended—Mike timed a dip perfectly—and Jesse hugged him and turned to get some water.

“Would you like to dance?”

Jesse blinked up at Barnes. He stood in her way, his gloved hand held out to her. She looked down at it, then back to him. Why was he asking? Out of politeness? He’d been more confounded by her than anything…

More importantly, did she actually want to dance with him? Would he hurt her? He didn’t seem to know how to express himself in public. Did that translate to dancing?

Well, the old woman had finished her dance with him in one piece, so she probably would too.

“Okay,” she said finally, and put her hand in his.

The corners of his mouth turned up, though she wouldn’t call it a smile exactly. He put his other arm—his flesh-and-bones arm—under hers and across her back, drawing her in so close that her nose brushed his jacket until she turned her head aside. She let out a shallow breath and tried to relax as the music started, simple and slow and gentle. His muscles shifted with his movements, and a sudden flush spread over her face as she realized how close they were. Jesse swallowed. Should she try to make conversation? Should she just bear the silence? What would they even talk about? They’d covered all the normal things back at the table…

“You dance real well,” Barnes said suddenly.

Jesse hummed her thanks and smiled despite herself. If someone who had lived through the actual swing era thought she was doing a good job even when she was so damn uncomfortable, she had to be good.

He moved them a little apart and studied her. “And you look… a little out of place.”

“What?!” Jesse laughed, too bewildered to be offended.

“Your dress is out of time. It’s, um…” Barnes frowned. His gloved hand clenched around hers, and her smile fell flat. Her heart twisted at his obvious confusion. God, no wonder he’d stared at her! He couldn’t place her. Captain America had missed everything for all the years he was missing, but the Winter Soldier… hadn’t.

Her face burned. How could she have been so self-centered? Every concern she’d had about Barnes had been all about her, not him. So what if he was awkward, or intimidating? Hadn’t he suffered enough? Hadn’t he earned the right to be free of her judgment?

“It’s from the fifties,” Jesse said at last, glancing at their clasped hands as his hold tightened again. He loosened his grip, chagrined.

“I thought so,” he said. “But—”

“My hair’s very much not fifties,” she added. “That might have thrown you off?”

Barnes tilted his head as he regarded her. She tried not to squirm, but being stared at by a man trying to piece her various incongruent parts together made her flesh crawl. It felt like an eternity before he was satisfied.

“Right,” he said. He let out a breath between his teeth and drew her back in, settling his arm securely around her. “Thank you.”

His mouth was by her ear, and the quiet warmth of his words sent a sudden shiver through her. Unable to speak, she just nodded.

How could such a strange, displaced man make her feel his presence with nothing more than a simple thank you? Dancing with him was so different from dancing with all the other leads she knew. With them, she had familiarity, comfort… There was comfort here too—he knew what he was doing, no question—but it was spiced with something dark. However awkward he was in conversation, they weren’t limited by that now. Behind that uncomfortable veneer, Barnes was dangerous. Somehow, that thrilled her.

Jesse sighed and closed her eyes, trying not to melt into Barnes’ solid hold. Her efforts must have been in vain, as he tightened his arm around her ever so slightly. She expected him to put her back to a safe distance, but… he didn’t.

Well, she’d take it. Whatever danger he posed to his enemies, right now he wasn’t hurting anyone.

The rest of the song passed in a pleasant blur. When it was over, Jesse hesitated before stepping back. Barnes had gone still, but he let her pull away without resistance.

“Thank you,” Jesse said. She smiled tentatively up at him.

Barnes didn’t answer; his eyes were dark and his shoulders tense. He stared down at her, unblinking. Jesse bit her lip, unable to look away. After a tense moment, he let out a quick breath, nodded sharply, and stalked away.

Jesse stood immobilized on the dance floor until Mike came by with his own water.

“You okay, Jesse?” he asked.

“I think so,” she said. She shook off the strange aftereffects of her dance with Barnes. “I think I’m going to head out. It was great seeing you! Will you be at the dance on Thursday?”

“I should be,” Mike said. He gave her a quick hug. “Bye.”

“See ya.”

Jesse made her way back to her table, still half in a daze as she gathered her clutch and wove her way back to the door. She was almost there when someone put a firm hand on her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

It was Barnes. His face was back to its normal solemnity, but Jesse flushed all the same at the sudden memory of being held against him.

“Where is Marilyn staying?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I can find out,” she offered reflexively, then frowned. “Although I don’t know how to get in touch with you.”

“Give me your phone,” he said. “Unlocked.”

Jesse blinked and did as he asked. There was no arguing with that tone of voice. Barnes started a new text, and Jesse raised her eyebrows. “Aren’t you worried I’d give your number to someone else?”

He gave her a dry look, but paused. “Are you going to?”

“No…”

“So I’m not worried.” He sent the text and passed her phone back to her. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Jesse tucked her phone away, bewildered. “You and Marilyn must have really hit it off.”

“She’s great. No nonsense, no judgment.”

Jesse bit the inside of her lip. “I suppose so.”

Barnes’ eyes narrowed at once. “What do you mean?”

“Oh—well, everyone’s judgmental. It’s just that Marilyn is usually right, so it’s not so obvious. Or annoying. At least for sensible folk. You know.”

Barnes smiled, his face transformed into something sweet and warm. Jesse couldn’t help but smile back.

#bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes fic #winter soldier x ofc #winter soldier fic #becca writes #the not for profit fic

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writinghq · 6 years

Note

how about 💓,🔥 and💃 for the ask thingy? love your blog

hi!!! thank you so much, love 😭we’re so glad to hear that!!

💓 - describe your ideal calm afternoon

darian: being alone in a nice, safe place with no noise but the pattering rain outside and my music playing in the background. with a blanket wrapped around me, i’d be writing on my laptop or reading a nice book that i haven’t gotten to read. i’d have a tub full of cookie dough ice cream resting on my lap. god i wish i was doing this right now.

hikari: A cool day, in a just the right kind of cold room, with either nice music playing or an anime episode on, with my family not being too noisy. The afternoon feels long so that I can do as much as I want with it, but there’s nothing that has to be done. So I can just pass the time doing what I like while still feeling productive. And it’ll be best if there was someone to talk to. Or just communicate with. 😂

🔥 - something you are passionate about?

darian: i’ve always been passionate when it comes to any type of art but more on the art of written word. i appreciate the work and passion that goes into them and they message they try to portray. i can’t draw for shit but the act of doing it seems interesting. i can’t act or dance well but performing on stage gives me a feeling of escape since i take on a different persona. writing is still something i’m trying to improve on, but it makes me happy.

hikari: My whole life has really been all about music. Singing, instruments, watching broadway shows. The dream was to be the voice actress of a Disney princess. Drawing was always just a pastime in the side, but once people showed me I can do so much more with it, it inspired me to press forward with it. It may only have been a recent discovery, but writing out scripts, scenarios, and directing stuff have been such a joy (Thank you, Darian). More so than it being a potential profession though, the passion is more in writing for all of you guys. So what I’m passionate about is music, drawing, writing, my friends, and my family (which includes all of you). 💖

💃- compliment some people you admire !

ALL OF OUR MUTUALS WHO ARE SO GREAT AT WRITING @haikyuuwriting @doki-doki-imagines @volleykyuu AND OTHERS WE CANT RMR RIGHT NOW BUT WE LOVE YOU

DARIAN! Thank you for working so hard writing everyday! I love reading each and every one and you were the one who inspired me to start this whole writing thing too. Keep moving forward, because you’ll be able to shine even in the darkest of places, I just know it! 💓 - hikari

HIKARI! you made me remember how good it is to be alive. without you, i’d be a mess of a person. thank you and i love you 💗 - darian

@haipain! Don’t worry about taking your time with your writing. Great things are always worth the wait! Don’t forget to rest and take care of yourself in the process! We’re always looking forward to your new works! 💖

@aaaghkaashi! You guys are like the kindest tumblr senpais ever and we love you guys and your writing so much! Everyday has been amazingly fun in this community and you guys have contributed to that very much! 💕

WRITINGHQ FAMILY! I LOVE YOU. Thank you for sending requests and for reading what we write. You guys make everyday enjoyable with your fantastic new ideas of what we should write next! 💗

#darian.txt #hikari.txt #ask meme #about the admins

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phantasticlizzy · 6 years

Text

Beetles Bath And Beyond

Summary: Phil just wanted a relaxing bath. Just wanted to soak in the warm water for an hour, listen to some music and read some Buffy comics. What he didn’t want, however, was to have his bath with a million beetles surrounding him from all sides, turning his relaxing time into an actual nightmare.

Lucky for him, he had a boyfriend who just knew how to make everything better.

Words: 4539

warnings: smut, rimming, anal sex

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12745041#main

this fic is dedicated to my friend @p-hantasticpheels who’s been having some real life things she needed to deal with. so eve, i hope you like it! <333 (also, go send her some love! she is the best person ever and deserves the whole world!<3333)

“Dan!”

Dan was sitting on the couch with his laptop when he heard a shriek of his name coming from the downstairs bathroom.

He was enjoying some relaxing time by himself, scrolling on tumblr and twitter and letting his brain have a night off from all the thinking and stressing and working he had been doing the last few weeks.

Phil had walked into the lounge half an hour ago, announcing he was going to make himself a relaxing bath, asking Dan not to disturb him.

“Are you not inviting me to join you?” Dan asked with a pout, mostly joking. He knew Phil was at his limit in the last few days. He was constantly worrying and overthinking his and Dan’s decisions and feeling bad for missing on his family vacation and just generally feeling stressed.

They had a lot on their minds. With the approaching tour and new merch and regular video schedule they felt like they might have taken on a bit more than they can chew.

So knowing Phil as well as he did, Dan had no doubt that what he needed right now was some relaxing time by himself, not worrying about anyone or anything other than his own enjoyment.

“Nope. You are not allowed in there, so don’t even try.” Phil said determinedly, crossing his arms on his chest.

Dan feigned offense, just to humor Phil a little. “Oh, I see how it is.”

He turned away from Phil, a bit dramatically just for the effect. “Fine, go have your fantastic bath by yourself, see if I care.” he turned his attention back to his laptop, but couldn’t hold in his smile when he heard Phil’s small giggle, and felt him approaching the couch just to drop a kiss to Dan’s head before heading off to the bathroom.

Dan was glad to finally have some time to relax and unwind. Time to turn off his brain a little and let himself think about nothing and anything.

But even more so, he was glad that Phil was taking the time to do the same.

Because sometime Phil was really bad at taking some time off. He was just a worrier, always had been. Needed to do everything by himself, be involved in every step of every process even when it was someone else’s responsibility. To get him to relax and take a break when things were cerotic like they were now was near impossible sometimes.

He did get better at this over the years, Dan had to admit. They both came a long way in terms of self-care. Both made changes to benefit their mental health and nerves and productivity and their relationship with each other, professional and personal.

But still, usually he needed a gentle push from Dan in the right direction, needed someone to remind him to take a break and breathe deeply and maybe let someone else take charge for a change.

The fact that Phil came to the conclusion that he needed some time off from all that’s been going on all by himself meant that he was probably even more stressed than Dan had originally thought.

That’s why it came as such a surprise when Phil started calling Dan’s name from the downstairs bathroom with a voice that was as far from relaxed as it gets.

The loud shriek made Dan almost drop his laptop from his lap, quickly catching it before a real disaster happened.

“What’s wrong?” he called back, already getting up and heading towards Phil’s distressed voice.

He went down the stairs quickly, a little concerned with the lack of response from Phil. When he got there, he couldn’t help but stare at the peculiar sight in front of him, blinking at it in confusion.

Phil stood with his back to him, appearing to be completely naked, peering inside the bathroom from the door frame, still dripping wet.

“Phil?” Dan asked carefully.

Phil jumped from the noise, turning around to look at Dan with round, horrified eyes. That was when Dan noticed that Phil was holding a very small hand towel, trying to cover his crotch, not really succeeding even at that.

He had to contain his laughter. Whatever it was, Phil seemed pretty shaken up by it and probably wouldn’t appreciate Dan laughing at him.

“Beetles.” Phil said suddenly, sounding mortified.

“Excuse me?”

“Beetles. Beetles everywhere.” He said again, and Dan started to connect the dots.

“Are there beetles in the bathroom?” he asked, a little amused.

“Yes! A million beetles all over the bathroom!” Phil squeaked.

Dan went past him to look in the bathroom, leaving Phil to stand by the doorframe.

Like Phil said, there were small, black bugs all over the walls and tiles. Even though not as many as Phil’s reaction would suggest.

He got out of the room and closed the door behind him, looking at Phil and by this point allowing himself to laugh a little.

“Man, this is just your luck.” He said, patting Phil’s shoulder sympathetically.

To his surprise, Phil didn’t laugh with him, didn’t even smile a little. He was usually the first one to make a joke about those incidents, the first one to call himself a living flop and move on. But this time he looked genuinely upset by the situation.

He dropped his towel on the floor, leaving himself completely naked and covered his face with his hands, groaning loudly.

Dan thought he might actually start crying.

“Hey, Phil, it’s okay. Loosen up!” Dan tried, rubbing Phil’s shoulder some more.

Phil’s head shot up then, glaring at Dan with pink eyes.

“I can’t loosen up! That’s what the bath was for. And now I’m stressed, traumatized and can’t ever take another bath in my life!” he dropped his head to his hands again, shaking it from side to side.

“I’m so tired but I can’t really sleep because my mind is going a thousand miles an hour and I just wanted to soak in a warm bath for an hour and listen to some music and read Buffy comics and then go to sleep. Why is this too much to ask for?”

His voice was small and whiny and Dan felt a little guilty for letting this go on for so long without noticing how much it was effecting Phil.

“Aw Philly come here,” he said, pulling on Phil’s hands to make him show his face and then pulled him closer to his chest for a hug.

It was a little strange hugging a wet, naked, Phil when he was completely clothed and dry, but he didn’t think too much about it.

Phil melted a little against him, not fighting Dan’s hold on him at all. Dan let his hands rub Phil’s damp back with wide, circular motions, trying to calm him down.

Phil slumped just a little to fit his head under Dan’s chin, fisting the front of his shirt and groaning a little again in frustration.

“What can I do to make you feel better baby?” Dan asked.

They didn’t use terms of endearment often, both found it a little awkward and forced at times. But sometimes, in the right mood, it just came natural. Especially since Dan knew that secretly, Phil was very cheesy. Loved sappy words and nicknames when the situation called for it.

And Dan was definitely weak for sad blue eyes and pouty pink lips, willing to do anything to make his boyfriend feel better.

“What will make you relax?” he continued, moving one hand to Phil’s hair, scratching his scalp, feeling Phil move a little towards the touch.

“I don’t know,” Phil grumbled, letting go of Dan’s shirt and wrapping his arms lazily around his waist, leaning all his weight on him.

“Do you want me to make you something tasty to eat?” he asked.

Phil shook his head. “Not hungry.”

“Not hungry? Must be a real crisis then,” he teased gently, pinching Phil’s side a little just to emphasize he was joking.

“Shut up,” Phil said, but to Dan’s relief he could hear a smile creeping up to the corner of Phil’s lips.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” he tried something else, only to feel Phil’s head move from side to side again against his neck.

“Do you want to go to bed and try reading a book?”

“Can’t concentrate, too many thoughts.” Phil said and Dan tightened his hold on his body, kissing the side of his head.

He could feel the curves of Phil’s body against him, could feel the smooth skin of his back beneath his fingertips, could feel Phil’s soft cock pressing against his thigh.

“How about...Me helping you feel good? Taking your mind off of everything?” he said, bending a little to kiss Phil’s exposed shoulder. Phil shivered a little under his lips, but didn’t answer.

“Mm? Would you like that? I’ll do whatever you want.” He continued, his lips still pressed to Phil’s shoulder.

Phil kept quiet for a while, and Dan was about to suggest something else when Phil finally spoke in a small, timid voice.

“Only if you want to,” he said.

And it was so much like Phil to worry about something like this in that moment. To worry that Dan was only doing this because Phil was upset and not because he wanted to.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t want to, now, would I?” He said, but got no response from Phil.

Dan drew back from him a little, cupping Phil’s face with his hands and leaning in to leave a lingering kiss against Phil’s lips.

“I wouldn’t,” he said, smiling at him reassuringly and moving his thumb to press against Phil’s bottom lip, making him smile as well.

“Okay.”

Phil pressed close to him again and hid his face in Dan’s neck, making Dan almost coo.

Dan let him hide for a moment, let him cling and nuzzle Dan’s neck before pulling back from him.

“How about you go to the bedroom and lie down for a few minutes? I’ll be right there.” He instructed, kissed Phil’s temple before pushing him gently away from him and towards the stairs.

Phil went willingly, smiling at him one last time before making his way up the stairs, still completely naked.

When Phil was out of sight, Dan opened the bathroom door and stepped inside.

He hated bags, usually more that Phil (even though he could understand how distressing it must have been for Phil to see them everywhere during his relaxing bath).

But still, he ignored the uneasy feeling he had and made his way to the tub, pulling out the plug and emptying it, making sure Phil didn’t forget to close the tap in his rush to get out. The last thing they needed right now was a leak or a flood.

He got out and closed the door (as if it would stop the bugs from getting out from the room to the rest of the house) and made a mental note to take care of it later. He could spray them, or call the exterminator tomorrow.

Right now he had more important matters to attend to.

He made his way up the stairs and to the bedroom, finding Phil lying on the bed, like he told him to do.

He was lying on his front, his exposed pale body on display for Dan to admire. His arms were tacked under his face and his long legs and back were spread out on the grey covers in a way that made Dan feel his chest tightening and his cock twitching.

Phil barely acknowledged Dan’s presences in the room, only wiggling his toes a little at him.

Dan walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching out to massage Phil’s back a little, earning a content sigh.

He bent down, kissing between Phil’s shoulder blades and letting his head rest there for a moment, cheek pressing to Phil’s damp skin.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, still rubbing Phil’s tense muscles as best as he could from this position.

“What will make you feel the best right now? Help you relax?”

He knew Phil didn’t like asking for things in the bedroom. Got flustered and embarrassed way too easily. Which in Dan’s opinion was silly, because Dan was probably willing to do anything Phil would ask him (to an extent of course).

Phil moved a little under him, and Dan leaned back to let him turn around to his back and face Dan, head turning to the side, blinking at him with tired, blue eyes. Dan settled comfortably by his side, lifting his feet up from the floor to the bed, knees touching Phil’s.

Phil’s cheeks were pink and his lips a little parted and his eyes glossy and tired. He reached out and traced Dan’s cheeks and nose and eyebrows, still not saying a word.

“Do you have anything in mind?” Dan asked again, letting his fingers wonder to Phil’s soft belly and draw patterns on it. Phil only shrugged in response.

Dan pushed himself a little up then, moving to hover over Phil’s body, one leg going in between Phil’s.

He leaned down and kissed Phil on the lips, slow and deep, just like Phil liked it the most. Lazy, lingering movements with just little bit of tongue.

Phil was pliant under him, soft and willing, letting Dan take the lead with this one.

Dan broke the kiss and moved his lips down from Phil’s cheek to his jaw.

“Do you want me to blow you?” he asked, his lips brushing Phil’s skin.

Phil shrugged again, and Dan could feel his skin heating up under him. Phil wrapped his arms loosely around Dan’s back, moving them up and down a little, and Dan took it as encouragement to keep asking.

“Do you want me to ride you?” he tried something else, trailing his lips down to Phil’s neck, feeling him craning it to give Dan more room to work, but shrugged again.

Dan sucked a little on Phil’s warm neck, careful not to leave a mark. No matter how pliant and willing Phil was at the moment, he would certainly give Dan hell about it tomorrow when he’s out of this mood if Dan would leave a mark.

“Do you want me to rim you?” He asked, and could feel Phil’s body shiver a little, arms tightening their hold on Dan’s back. No shrug.

Dan chuckled a little, kissing down to Phil’s collarbone before lifting his head up to look at Phil’s pink face.

“Ding ding ding, he have a winner,” he said jokingly, delighted by the way Phil’s face managed to get even pinker.

It wasn’t something they did often, at least not that way. Phil got really anxious and nerves sometimes, and when he got like that he couldn’t even properly enjoy himself.

But other times…well, Dan knew for a fact that Phil really, really loved the feeling of his tongue inside of him.

And now, Phil looked a little shy, a little sheepish, but so so turned on.

He looked absolutely delicious under Dan’s body. His hair was still damp and he was flushed down to his chest and his pupils were so dilated and Dan just wanted to eat him up.

Lucky for him, that was just what he was about to do.

He leaned down again to take Phil’s bottom lip in between his own, sucking on it and earning a quiet moan from Phil.

He started moving his hips then, slowly rocking them against Phil’s, pushing his thigh more firmly between Phil’s legs and feeling Phil gasp into his mouth.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” he said lowly, right against Phil’s lips, and Phil whined a little, lifting up his hips from the bed and starting to push himself against Dan’s thigh in the search of more friction.

Dan let him keep doing it for a few minutes, wanting Phil to be as gone as he could so he wouldn’t overthink anything. But when he could feel Phil’s movement starting to get faster, could feel his own cock painfully hard in his tight jeans, he pulled back a little, ignoring Phil’s protest.

“Turn around,” he instructed, getting off of Phil’s body completely to let him do what he asked and to get his own jeans and shirt off, automatically letting his hand press against his hard cock for some relief.

Phil wasted no time following Dan’s request, settling on his front again.

Dan got back to the bed, sitting on his knees behind Phil, reaching Down to trace a line from Phil’s neck down his back and stopping at his bum, squeezing it for good measure.

“Bend your knees for me?” he asked, helping Phil push up his butt and bend his knees under his body, leaving Dan with the lovely sight of Phil’s hole.

Dan could feel that Phil was a little tense in the new position, could see his back and leg muscles straining. He knew Phil didn’t really like to feel so much on display, especially when he couldn’t see Dan’s face. But Dan was definitely going to make this worth his while.

“You look so pretty like this,” Dan praised, leaning down to kiss one of Phil’s butt cheeks, and then biting it with no warning, earning a yelp from Phil.

“Relax baby,” he whispered, rubbing Phil’s sides for comfort when Phil’s body remained tense.

“I just want to make you feel as best as I can, yeah? We can do something else if you want, everything you want.”

Phil took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.

“No, I’m fine, sorry. I want this, if it’s okay.” His voice was soft and warm and a little shy and Dan felt his chest so full of love he was afraid it might actually explode from the feeling.

“Of course it’s okay, whatever you want.” He said again, kissing Phil’s butt cheek one more time before reaching for their nightstand, opening it and taking out a bottle of flavored lube they had bought for occasions like this.

He lubed up his fingers, rubbing them to heat them up a little, before pressing them to Phil’s hole, circling it a few times to let Phil get ready for his actions before pushing one finger in slowly.

Phil’s body was used to this part, didn’t even resist to the intrusion of one finger.

“You good?” Dan asked, just in case, moving his finger in and out of Phil’s hole slowly. Phil pushed back on his finger a little to make it go deeper, humming in response.

Dan took it as a cue to push in a second finger, slowly and not too deep at first. At this point Dan could feel some resistance, stopping his movements to let Phil get used to the feeling.

Phil took a deep breath, wiggling his bum a little. “it’s okay, keep going,” he said, relaxing around Dan’s fingers.

Dan resumed his movements, pushing his fingers deeper now and with purpose. He curved his fingers, in search of Phil’s sweet spot, knowing immediately when he found it.

Phil’s whole body spasmed and he let out his first real loud moan of the night.

“There you go,” Dan said softly, a little cockily, pleased with himself.

He kept it up for a while, wanting Phil to get desperate. Pushing his fingers in an increasing pace right into the spot that drove Phil wild.

Phil was whining and moaning and pushing back on Dan’s fingers. But when Dan bent down, this time letting his tongue circle around his fingers and Phil’s rim, Phil’s whole body shuddered, and he let out a noise that even took Dan by surprise, making him retrieve his tongue and stop the movement of his fingers.

“No no no don’t stop,” Phil was chanting, whining, pushing against his fingers to get Dan to keep going.

And Dan was so incredibly turned on, he felt like he could have climaxed only from the noises Phil was making, from the sight of him so desperate and pleading for Dan.

He wanted to say something. Tease or praise, anything really, but he couldn’t find his voice. So instead, he took pity on Phil, starting to move his fingers again and leaning down to lick against Phil’s hole.

He scissored his fingers, trying to loosen Phil’s hole as much as he could before pushing his tongue inside beside them, licking against Phil’s walls.

Phil all but screamed at the feeling. His hand found its way to his cock and he was moving it desperately while pushing against Dan’s face with force.

Dan tried to keep up. Tried to push his tongue as deep and he could while pushing his fingers right against Phil’s prostate, letting them massage it for a few seconds a time instead of pushing them in and out, knowing that the feeling was really intense, but one that Phil absolutely loved.

He let his tongue alternate between licking persistently inside of Phil and pushing it in and out of his hole.

Phil was getting really close now, Dan could tell. His breathing was erratic and his hand on his cock was losing its rhythm and all his mouth could form was pleads and cries of Dan’s name.

So with one last effort, Dan grabbed Phil’s hip with his unoccupied hand and pushed himself as deep as he could inside of Phil, working his tongue and fingers as fast and as purposeful as he could.

Phil came with a shout, releasing all over his hand and the sheets under him.

Dan worked him through it, slowing down his actions gradually until Phil was done, slowly pulling out of him, and letting Phil collapse on his front.

Phil was breathing heavily, and Dan was so desperate for his own release he let his hand go straight to his own cock, pushing it inside his pants and feeling an overwhelming feeling if relief.

He let out a loud moan, moving his hand up and down himself, feeling already close to the edge.

Phil perked up at the noise, craning his neck to look behind him, looking at Dan with sleepy eyes and making a small noise of disapproval.

He got up then, suddenly, pushing Dan’s hand away from his pants.

He pushed Dan back, turning his body and trying to make him lie down against the headboard, pushing his pants off his body completely. Dan went willingly, thinking that Phil probably wanted to give him a hand job himself, or maybe even a blow job if he was lucky. But was really surprise when Phil straddled his thighs instead, moving up a bit so that he hovered over Dan’s hard, red cock, reaching behind himself and holding it against his entrance.

“What are you-“ Dan’s sentence was cut off when Phil pushed down on him without warning, both of them moaning at the feeling.

Dan’s hands shot automatically to Phil’s hips, steadying him on top of himself. Phil’s hands were on Dan’s shoulder, and he used that leverage to start pushing himself up and down Dan’s cock, setting a fast pace right from the start.

Dan was in heaven. Phil’s hole was swallowing him, taking him so well and all he could do was lie down and enjoy it. He knew Phil must be really overstimulated. Knew how sensitive he got after an orgasm, but something about Phil pushing his own boundaries, even a little, to make Dan feel good, was incredibly hot in his eyes.

He was so close. Was close already from the second his tongue touched Phil’s hole. But when Phil leaned down, resting his body on top of his and kissing his shoulder and neck and cheek, whispering “let go,” in his ear, Dan couldn’t stop himself anymore, coming buried inside of Phil.

Phil was chanting in his ear, but he couldn’t really hear it. His blood was pumping in his head and his heart was racing and he felt like his orgasm was spreading through his entire body.

When he finally felt like he could focus again, at least a little, he could hear Phil’s voice saying “I love you I love you I love you,” again and again and again in his ear, kissing his cheek and jaw and neck.

He wrapped his own arms around Phil as tight as he could, holding his to his chest and kissing his shoulder and head and every part of his body he could reach.

“I love you so much, that was amazing.” He finally said when he found his voice again.

“Have to live up to the branding,” Phil answered cheekily. And it was little bit silly, but such a Phil thing to say and Dan just wanted to hold him closer, to hug him tighter, even though it wasn’t really possible.

Phil pulled back then, lifting himself up from Dan’s softening cock, whimpering a little before flopping down again beside Dan.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked, turning to his side to face Phil, tracing his face with his fingers.

Phil took a hold of Dan’s hand against his face, bringing it to his lips and kissing every finger before nuzzling his cheek against it and smiling at Dan with sleepy eyes.

“Are you kidding? Just had the best orgasm ever. You’re like, the best person in the world.” He said, inching closer to Dan and burying his face in his neck.

“You deserve a medal or something,” he added, hugging Dan by the middle and kissing his neck a few times.

Dan chuckled.

“Is that so?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Phil and pulling him closer, kissing his forehead, sweet and lingering.

“Mnm.” Phil hummed in response.

They were silent for a few moments, letting themselves soak in the closeness and content.

“I need a shower, I have cum leaking out of my ass.” Phil said suddenly, and Dan chuckled in response.

Phil was only this relaxed, this unfiltered, after a really great orgasm. And Dan couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself.

“But I’m too comfortable,” Phil added, a slight whine to his voice. “Don’t want to move.” He rubbed his head against Dan’s neck and chest, tightening his hold on Dan’s body.

“Well,” Dan said, staring to draw patterns on Phil’s back. “You can always go take a bath.”

And Dan couldn’t even be mad at himself when Phil pushed harshly on his chest, telling him to piss off and turning to face the other side. He couldn’t, because it was funny and it wouldn’t be them if they didn’t laugh at each other’s misfortunes, lightheartedly of course.

And besides, he was pretty sure Phil found it funny as well. At the very least he wasn’t too upset, because when Dan moved closer to him, spooning him from behind and laughing into the back of his neck, he didn’t push him away. He just called Dan a jerk and shuffled to be closer to him, mumbling under his breath about filling Dan’s pants with a million beetles in the morning.

Notes:

ha...ha...ha... yeah... i wrote smut again whoops :3

hope you liked it! comments = life

you can still send me prompts if you want :)

#phan #phanfiction #smut #fluffy smut #bottom phil #rimmimg #phantasticlizzyfics

337 notes · View notes

woebound · 6 years

Photo

so since i’ve been busy out of character lately, with the most horrific of situations, i haven’t really been paying the utmost amount of attention to anything on here, let alone my followers, and to check it today and see that i’m not far off 650 followers ? i almost screamed, and then proceeded to cry for about fifteen minutes. i honestly can’t thank you all enough, especially for sticking around when i disappear for weeks on end when life just becomes too hard for me to deal with --- i know this blog is anything BUT consistent and half the time i wonder why people continue to follow me because of my lack of activity on times, or maybe my own insecurities about my writing are a huge part of the blame for my questioning of it, but i am beyond grateful that people have followed me. this blog is like my baby, it’s an escape for me to just get away from life for just that short amount of time while my head feels like it’s going to explode. it’s that place where i can bring my ideas to life ? the plots that probably wouldn’t have ever been canon or the ones we were all going to explode. it’s everything to me, and i’m glad people have liked me and my writing enough to stick with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH, from the bottom of my heart <3333 so without further ado, this is just a post where i gush about the ones who have captured my heart by being close friends with me and also about the ones i’ve watched from afar and admired for their talent ??? and also fan girled over !!! thank you guys again, i love you all so much.

FIRST OFF --- here are the babes who i’m close to, who i spend time talking to in real life, who i’m extremely good friends with or who mean a lot to me ( in no particular order unless stated ) ---

@myricd/ @stilesism / @crownbeanie --- BECKS my loveeeeeee, my bestfriend, mY OTHER HALF AND ACTUAL EVERYTHING, is it even a surprise that you’re right at the top of the list ??? did you expect anything less because if you did umm ???? nope. most of the shit i’m about to say to you you’ve probably heard me say a million times because i’m nothing if not repetitive??? but screw it. you are honestly ONE in a million, it kills me when you don’t realize just how much of a star you are, or just how talented you are ??? because you deserve to know it. REAL talk okay, without you i wouldn’t still be here. you have talked me down from so many horrific ordeals in real life, you have been there to speak words of wisdom when you yourself are having a horrible time, you’ve put aside everything for me, and i’m just beyond grateful. in fact, just last night you helped me out of a horrible moment where i was falling apart. you’re my best friend, and i’ve never been as lucky as i am now to meet a friend who truly has my best interests at heart, a friend who ( i hope ) won’t desert me, or turn on me like past friends have. i have the utmost respect for you. it’s truly lucky too because what are the odds that we met in real life and then found out that we both have the same hobbies of roleplaying ? it’s like fate. as much as we don’t get to write often, when we do it’s fucking brilliant, and i don’t think there’s anyone i enjoy writing with more??? look at all our ships !!!, all of our babies and their incredibly complicated but intense relationships, and how we cry over them all the time. LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT HOW WE HAVE A MASSIVE LIST OF LOVES !!! ceffy being one, or stidney !! each of them having a massive range of ideas or head canons, i love how you capture each character with such ??? clarity, such talent. you are beyond brilliant, i have told you countless times i love your writing. i miss seeing you almost every day like we did in coll, and shouting over the endless possibilities of plots, it’s actually quite sad how much i value our friendship. until you i kinda lost hope in having best friends, because lets just be fair here, i’ve had a list of shitty friends who have completely fucked me over and made me feel like i was the reason, and then you came into my life and became the best god damn friend i’ve ever had and i honestly can’t ever begin to thank you enough. you actually made me feel valued, and like i was doing something right and i don’t have to worry that i’m going to lose you because i’m the worst ( i mean it doesn’t mean that i don’t worry because i do , that’s just me though . ) i’m blessed to have you by my side, you’re my other half practically, and i honestly can’t thank you enough for embracing me as a best friend, and a writing partner, it’s the best of both worlds. you have been there with me through so much in our friendship already, i don’t ever wanna imagine a day without you by my side which is why i treasure you so so much. we’ve been friends almost three years, and you are one of the best human beings i’ve met in my entire life. we’ve pulled each other through so much with both hands, and it’s great having a friend who understands me, who can communicate with me, by JUST a look, or who can listen when things are terrible. --- i love you becks, you keep being you because you’re fucking amazing !!!! thank you for being a god damn inspiration to me <3333

@caelestiigne --- BRIANNA MY SWEET BABE !!! THE LOML ??? i honestly have no words to ever express my love for you ?? it honestly wouldn’t even come close. you’re just pure as fuck and the sweetest person i’ve ever met. i can’t begin to thank you for purely embracing me, my overbearing attitude on times, and my portrayal of characters, you are honestly one of my best friends in the roleplay community. you are so encouraging about ships, and you’re also one of my mains for skins, and also my exclusive for jace / izzy. i love how when we first spoke about jace and izzy we said we weren’t shippers of them that much ? and NOW look @ us, loving life and crying over their relationship ? i don’t regret a fucking thing i swear because they are adorable. i honestly love writing with you so much, it’s threads with you that i look forward to , i end up losing my mind when i see you’ve replied or that you’ve tagged me in a starter because i just know the thread is gonna end with me crying like a baby. what i love most about us is that you pretty much get me out of character too, you’re so understanding if i’m flaking a little when real life gets too much. or even if i’m just not feeling it ? even going as far as to be there for me and to speak to me, when i feel like tearing my hair out because i’m struggling to cope. i can’t thank you enough for your kind nature, your endless amount of ideas, the overflowing amount of feels and just for being you. i am blessed to have found such an amazing friend within the community like you, and i am astounded by how talented you are every time. you’re the freddie to my effy, the effy to my cook, the jace to my izzy and so many more muses ! i honestly almost cried because i found out you’d seen skins because of the endless possibilities, and i think it’s honestly damn hard for us to do a thread and not ship our muses ? because we just have chemistry as writers and i think it’s because i just fully respect you as an individual, but also because you mean a hell of a lot to me. i find it hard to trust people anyway, but you became a friend when i needed it the most, and i’m so thankful to you, you’re just ??? there aren’t words. you’re amazing ! i think because we have such a good friendship, writing with you isn’t a chore? it’s so enjoyable --- so much so that i’ve made a zillion ideas up in my head, or i’ve made us a pinterest board, or i’ve thrown my characters at you. you capture all your characters so perfectly, building on each of their weaknesses and all the aspects of their personalities. there are no words for me to even come close to expressing how talented you are, i wish you’d see how brilliant a writer you are ! you are beyond eloquent with your words, it’s another reason i can add to the zillion i have for why i love to write with you. we also never lose contact with each other which i’m grateful for, because we are constantly talking on discord, or writing there even if we haven’t replied over tumblr. but above all, you’re one of the best friends i’ve had in this community, you’re a sweet angel who deserves the world and i love you to absolute pieces. thank you for being there when i’m falling apart and for understanding if i take forever. you are so appreciated by me, and i’m so glad we found each other and have this amazing friendship. THANK YOU BBY !!! <3 @voidworn --- CHELS MY BABE !!! is there even a way of me expressing how i feel about you and our friendship ? i honestly love you to pieces. first off, i spent like so long being frightened to even approach you as i died over you on my dash and your talent. i love how you capture stiles, i always have done and besides that you’re the sweetest person i think i’ve met. you make it so easy to just approach you and be over excited about ships, or yell at you about ideas of crossovers or the multiple possibilities of canon ships ? like lets just cry over stizzy, that ship is a damn masterpiece --- i just love how you capture each and every aspect of stiles’ personality, the vulnerabilities, the things that hurt him the most from his past. i just think you should know how brilliantly you capture him, you have been one of those blogs i’ve fan girled over --- you capture him that well that i constantly hear his voice in your writing and that’s something i don’t have with an overly large amount of people. i value you as a person because of your kindness, and how willing you are to help people, you send me psds because i couldn’t afford to buy them and that in itself is something i appreciate so much, you have such a kind heart --- thank you for continuously being there for me, it’s honestly so sweet of you. our ships kill me of all the time, stizzy as i’ve already mentioned and now stook ? if that works, brooke/stiles are beyond perfect and already have me crying every time i reply to you or look at my pinboard ? they even have their own playlist i’ve made. i wanna thank you for being so happy to embrace me, and my own interpretations of characters, for being so accepting of me and how i bug you ! also ??? for wanting to writing with me, it always makes me feel overwhelmed in a good way when i find someone whom i admire a heck of a lot wanting to write with me, so thank you because it means a lot. i wanna thank you for blessing me with your talent ! for allowing me to create two amazing ships with you, because not only do i love them beyond words, but i love writing with you, and the amount of chemistry we have as writers is great. i’ve also made a friend for life in you and i’m beyond blessed to say that ? i constantly look forward to your replies, and when you do reply i literally scream !!! everyone should follow you because you’re brilliant, a true sweetheart and an astoundingly amazing friend. thank you for sticking by me, throwing feels my way and being a darling ! you’re amazing. i love you lots <3 @coyoteache / @guiltache --- TAYLOR MY LOOOOVE !!! ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I’VE EVER FUCKING HAD !! you know what ? i’m beyond shocked at how it’s been almost three years since we met, since i wept over you on my dash and had the guts to message you and cry over your perfection ! i want to first off thank you for actually NOT getting sick of me and sticking by me this long, especially when i’m annoying as fuck. you’ve been there when i’ve had some of the hardest moments of my life ? i can’t begin to thank you enough for being there because i’ve messaged you when i’m sobbing over things i can’t change and you’ve been there, like the angel you are, presented me with advice when you, yourself are having a hard time and there is nothing more selfless than that. if there was one word i could describe you, it is definitely selfless because you constantly do things for other people even when you are struggling and that in itself makes you an amazing friend. i’ve constantly gushed over how blessed i am to call you a friend, especially after all this time, if i ever had to go into detail about our threads, i’d be here FOREVER because we’ve had so many threads ??? that i could never talk about all of them. there are a few that kill me off though, such as STANNA ! stanna are my babies. the multiple layers you bring to stiles, even things that aren’t mentioned in teen wolf, you have such an astoundingly intelligent mind that you think of things i’ve never even thought of that i am always shocked ! i am always happy to write with you, you know that, and i cherish every thread we do, no matter what the context, or the ship because you are truly talented. you bring such depth to every character you play, whether it be a teen wolf babe of yours or someone else from your multi ! i love our chats out of character too, you always make time to check in with me, and you also tell me about your ooc life and i’m so happy that you’re happy too because you deserve no less !!! i am so happy that we’re still friends after all this time, i can’t believe it’s been three years !!! but i’m so beyond grateful for those years. i love each muse post you’ve sent over that time, how you’ve showered me with feels, how you’ve helped build my trust in people when it comes to friendships especially since i’ve had it hard making friends in the past, you’ve been a damn fucking good friend and i can’t thank you enough. i love you endlessly ! you’re a true star, and i wish you of all people could see how truly talented you are !!! you are so eloquent in your writing, the way you capture a character with your words will always astound me. KEEP being you because you’re fucking magnificent. and i love you to pieces <3 @donutshirt --- SEB MA BOI MY NERD --- okay so this isn’t your permanent blog home because you’re currently taking a little break from fully writing indie but there was NO way in hell i was writing a follow forever and not including you because i honestly love you to pieces and you mean too much to me. in all honesty, you’re damn important to me ??? let me first express my love for you by screaming about how fucking brilliant a friend you truly are !!! if it wasn’t for you, i’d never have applied for uni this year, you kept me calm, you helped me write my personal statement, i honestly owe so much to you and i don’t take this shit lightly. you are so good to me ? i can’t thank you enough. you have helped me through so much shit, you don’t even realize, you’ve been one of the best friends i’ve ever had in a matter of almost a year ? you’ve trusted me with some pretty personal shit and that means the world to me that you’d be so open with me, and i can’t thank you enough. our friendship is so special to me, because i hardly spend a day without talking to you unless things are hectic or very bad. i’ve cried to you over skype before now because things are so rubbish, and you’ve kept your composure and just been a class A friend and for that i will never be able to find enough words to thank you. through the shit going on right now, my grampa being ill, you’ve been there, no matter what even if you have other stuff to deal with. THANK YOU !!! from the bottom of my heart. LET ME CRY OVER OUR SHIPS NOW, and your talent !!! first off, you’re the scott to my allison, my other half of scallison !!! and also the spencer to my aria !!! sparia and scallison are our babies, we love them so much , and i love being able to develop them with you, because you are never short on ideas, you constantly astound me with your love for them too. you bring such depth to both of your characters, but also depth to their relationship with head canons, and little quirks each relationship has, like the nitty gritty ideas we’ve had, where spencer and aria clash over how spencer uses her for the anti anxiety meds. i can’t even describe the chemistry we have as writers or how talented and eloquent you write, and i can’t ever thank you for how amazing you truly are to me ! for how you check in on me when things are falling apart, how you’ve talked to me when you have stuff going on yourself !!! i love you to absolute pieces ! i am so glad i met you because not only am i inspired by your strength, but i just couldn’t even imagine my life without you ! i don’t EVER want to !!!! thank you for being an absolute babe, a cheerful light, and a true friend, because they are hard to find, but once again i have been blessed to meet one through writing !!! I LOVE YOU MA BOI !!! never change, because you’re a fucking masterpiece and inspiration to me, and i will never be able to thank you for how much you’ve helped me !!! <33333 @snakeworn ---- MIA MY LOVE !!!!! THANK GOD THIS ISN’T IN ANY PARTICULAR ORDER !!! because let me be frank here, you would be much higher, but i started writing this before i found out you were still around on tumblr because i didn’t know if you were still writing ! LET me just cry over how much of a phenomenal friend you seriously are, you deserve all the awards because not only are you consistently there when i need you which i am eternally grateful for, but you manage to be this ??? radiant light who is able to put aside her own issues, or troubles to give this outstanding advice, and i love you for that firstly, because it’s so selfless of you !!! I WISH i could scream on about how amazing you truly are, you deserve all the love, because you don’t realize how great you are and it breaks my heart !!! as we speak, you are typing up calming words to ease my mind of the recent heartbreak that is about to rock my family, and i can’t thank you enough. i am blessed to have found a friend like you !!! in fact, you’re not only a best friend of mine, you’re like a sister i’ve never had !!! a sister i’ll always want !!! i can’t wait until you come to the UK so we can meet and scream over all the shows we adore, and so i can personally thank you for being a diamond and give you a god damn massive hug. LET ME SHOWER YOU WITH SOME COMPLIMENTS. not only are you a fucking amazing human being but you have the most astounding way with words, especially when it comes to writing and being a friend. you’re able to bring so many characters to life, in such a unique way, but you give your characters so much love and i admire it so much because i’d kill for that talent. i hear the voices of cheryl when you play her, and toni especially !!! what i love is your characters become your kids, and you are able to delve into them with such depth and that in itself makes a writer truly brilliant !!! we’ve had so many brotp’s and ships, let me just cry over our layden because aw, they were so so so sweet !!! i can’t even begin to express how much i loved them, i loved how you were patient with me when i was finding my feet as liam, even when i felt like he was rubbish ! you gave me constant reassurance, ( another amazing thing about you !!! reason 1085837397839 why you’re the best friend ever !!! ) you threw headcanons my way, or we talked in detail about them and that’s something i love !! i love how we can just talk about characters, or shows so freely --- THE BEST kind of conversations because there’s no stress whatsoever, or me talking about my turbulent life. i also can’t express how much i loved sydette !!! our babies, the best sisters ever. they were so adorable !!! we had such freedom with them, but they brought tears to my eyes on so many occasions ! the good old days of OUROBOROS !!! i can’t thank you enough for convincing me to make this account, or for being an absolute sweetheart of a friend !! i wouldn’t be enjoying my writing so much if you didn’t play a hand in shaping me as a person, shaping how i write, or just being there to catch me when life knocks me down. i will continue to be a friend whom you can lean on, while you continue to keep me up from where you’re standing. i love you bb !!! thank you for being you. <3333 @lionkinged / @notapackanimal --- JELLIIIII MY SWEET ANGEL !!! okay, so first off, is there a sweeter person than you ???? nope. definitely NOT. you’re such an angel when it comes to understanding why i disappear for weeks on end, i’ve been a shitty friend to you honestly, but i love that you’re so nice about it, because you know how much i’m going through and i will never be able to even come close to thanking you for that, but THANK YOU. it’s not even close to how much i wanna shower you with love, but let me express my love through this mention. i am first off, so happy i met you because i was blessed to become friends with a girl with such a kind heart, but also with such a selfless nature. you take your time to message me every so often, to see how i’m doing and that in itself means so much especially when i disappear, life itself gets hard, but having friends who are fucking treasures like you are makes it a little more bearable. i wish you knew how loved you actually are because honestly you are !!! BEYOND TREASURED !!! it’s heartbreaking seeing you upset, because you mean a lot to me, honestly the absolute world, or when you think bad of yourself !!! I WANNA slap you silly because you should see yourself through my mind, you’re such a babe !!! BEYOND TALENTED and honestly ??? just amazing. your writing astounds me, i know we haven’t written in a long time because i’m the W O R S T ?? but i love how you capture theo and marek. while i have had more experience with your theo, i have to commend you for creating your own character and bringing him to life, with his own little quirks and your own interesting ideas, it takes some doing but you’re brave enough to put your amazing characters out there !!! i think marek is amazing and i can’t wait to write with him when i get back on my feet properly with the community !!! LET ME JUST CRY OVER YOUR THEO ??? honestly i can’t even come close to expressing my love for him. I LOVE how you capture both the vulnerability of him, and then the darker sides of him, his ticks, or his anger toward the pack on times ??? i think that is amazing. i love our threads, maleo have killed me off more times than i can count because they are heartbreaking and great at the same time --- the fEELS tho ?? they have messed me up i swear, i don’t write maleo with anyone really but you ? because i enjoy it with you. i love how you think of things to do with them, or how they act around each other, it’s brilliant. I WISH EVERYONE could see how amazing you are, how talented you are because i honestly hear theo’s voice in your threads it’s crazy !!! our maleo is special and i love them, the au’s have brilliant potential and dynamics that i love it --- especially when we did the h2O verse ?? how amazing !!! you thought that up and it was crazy good. i don’t remember how we even started talking, but i’m beyond glad that we did !!! you’ve made my life a million times better just by being there, i am grateful for you and being your friend and how you still wanna be mine makes my heart melt. i PROMISE to be a better friend. i will probably ALWAYS be awol, but having someone who understands, who is patient, and still amazing to me means everything. THANK you for BEING you !!!! we will write more, promise. i love you jelli, so so so much. <3 @hopelesswxnderers --- VICKSIIII BABEEEEE !!! MY GAL !!!! how has it been seven fucking years since we became friends ???? since we met through a skins roleplay we have remained a constant in each other’s life, don’t get me wrong i am terrible at continuing threads ? but life !!!!! life fucks me up a lot, but what i love is that you still want to write with me, and that means everything to me because i truly treasure writing with you. first off, we have had so many amazing threads over these years, we’ve actually had too many to count. but let me just name a few that i’ve personally loved so much !!! the first being liv / nick from skins and their dynamic and how our lil group with ashley and jennie was amazing !!! it was beyond dramatic, but i loved how we had this close knit group, i actually remember getting excited to get on and do some writing with you guys. then i joined your mmfd rp after watching it because you screamed about how it was brilliant and let me just commend you on how fucking astoundingly amazing you are at writing finn, you’ve not only captured his essence from the show, but you have built him as if ??? you created him. i can’t even remember a time where you haven’t played him. i love him best out of all of the characters you play especially when we have ships, alexinn was brilliant and even though i BUG the hell out of you about them !!! i have to say though !!! RECENTLY i loved fini and chlook ??? because they are beyond brilliant, the dynamics and how they care for each other always warms my heart. i know i don’t stick around to ever finish a thread with you but just know that writing with you means everything to me, because you are damn talented. i love you to pieces honestly. we’ve grown up together over the years, and i can’t wait for many many more threads, or when we finally get to meet because it will be amazing to finally cry over every single thread we’ve done, or the shows we love. i wanna thank you for putting up with me, because that in itself deserves a fucking award, i love our friendship. you’re like an older sister to me, you’ve been there for so long, i don’t ever want to be without you, E V E R. i don’t remember NOT writing with you, so therefore, i don’t want to ever NOT write with you. we’ll still be writing in years to come, i’m so very sure of it. you’re such a sweet person, with a heart of gold, and there are NO words to express my love for you babe. i am always here for you if you wanna write, because we are able to just throw ideas at each other and be like DO THIS W/ ME ??? and i love that we’re that comfortable in our friendship to do that. our friendship is the longest of mine on this list, and that is truly a testament --- because you’re a damn diamond. i can’t ever thank you for being the best friend ever, but i love you beyond words, thank you for being there, for remaining a friend, and a brilliant writing partner. <3333 @heartsofvalor ---- BRODIE BABE !!! okay lets just start off by saying, i don’t remember how we even became friends, but i’m so grateful to have met you ?? i just remember following you and fangirling not only over your portrayal, but how incredibly sweet you are in real life. let me start this by thanking you for listening to me rant and rave over things that have hurt me, over life being a twat, or anything else i have cried over ? you’ve surpassed being a great friend because you listen, you take time to speak to me, to embrace me as a writer, and i’m so glad i met you. you also take time to make sure to cheer me up with ideas, words, pinterest boards, or just headcanons??? you’re such a sweetheart honestly and more people should recognize that because you’re one of the greatest friends i’ve ever had. can we just cry together over the perfection that is fiona / sam ??? like i can’t even begin to scream ENOUGH about how much i love their dynamic, about how incredibly compatible they are, about how much i enjoy exploring the relationship. i never even thought of them as a pairing before but honestly they are such an incredible match ??? i think they’re my favorite AU i’ve written ever by far because it just makes me damn excited to reply to ?? i mean i know i forget to reply because life constantly fucks me over, but i just love how sam protects fiona so fiercely, and how it’s like a forbidden fruit relationship because he’s having something he shouldn’t since he’s lips friend. i can’t wait to delve further into their relationship ? thank you for gracing me with your talent, i love how you bring EACH character to life in an incredible and unique way, especially sam. SAM is my son. i love when we cry over head canons, or send each other ideas, or anything to do with our ship !!! i am beyond blessed to have met you and be able to create such a monumentally amazing ship with you. i am grateful for our friendship, for you being there to offer advice when needed, or for you being there and making me feel appreciated, because that truly makes my day ?? and it’s so needed sometimes, i have had a hard time lately, and just by having conversations with you, it does take my mind off things so thank you. you’re truly a diamond, and i appreciate you so much. MORE people need to see just how incredibly talented you are because you honestly bring such a light to your characters. I LOVE how you have thought up to much background to sam, and how he’s involved with fiona, or the southside in our au because it shows how much you love your characters, but it also shows how brilliant of a writer you seriously are. here’s to many many many more threads together, and much more years of friendship, thank you for being there. i love you so so so much !!! and i appreciate you morre than words could ever express. you’re a fucking diamond, NEVER change, because you’re too precious. <3333 @perfectevil ---- KAZ ??? ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED HUMAN BEINGS I’VE EVER MET !!!! okay, first off, yeah we’ve not written in so long !!! but that’s because i’m the worst, i disappear and forget to reply but let me just express my love for you and for our threads that we have done whether it be indie, or ouroboros !!! so this year, it’s almost three years since we were in ouroboros together, and i was blessed to meet you !! you were so welcoming to me, when i played allison and then later, my daughter sydney !!! what i love the most about you is that you don’t realize just how incredible you are at writing theo. it’s like you’re ACTUALLY him !!! you bring such a depth to him, such life and you capture him in a way that is really commemorating to how he was written in teen wolf but you also develop the little that the show gave us, and make him your own --- the darkness in him that you touch upon a lot is something i love so much, or his motives for things, i just love how much you understand him or how you thoroughly look into him. IN FACT it’s like he’s YOUR character, and not created by jeff davis, that’s how truly amazing you are at him, and i’m proud to have said i have written with you ? i am in awe at your depth, your talent, and of you as a person. you are so sweet too ?? i love talking to you, i love knowing i can message you out of the blue and be like ??? OMG THIS IS SYDNEO. talking of sydneo, OUR BABIES, i miss them but i am still grateful for the heart we threw into their friendship, to the endless list of headcanons --- such as how theo protected syd from bullies when they were young, or especially when he came back to check on her in coyote form when he became a chimera !!! those things both warm but break my heart ?? we’ve explored so many dynamics of them ? them as kids, friends, teens, lovers, and even enemies !!! i can’t thank you enough for your kindness,acceptance of my writing, because it means everything to me. we’ve had other gems when it comes to threads, such as mona/theo, or kat/theo, they were so much fun to do, to see our characters in different settings, and their reactions to other characters ? it’s honestly a pleasure to write with you. you’re a sweetheart, and one of the most talented writers in the community !!! i can’t wait to write with you again because i constantly miss writing with you but also miss the feels, the chemistry the characters have, or just the excitement i have to get stuck into nitty gritty threads with someone as talented as you are. i LOOK forward to writing with you again soon !!! hopefully, hmu after you read this and we can cry over possible ideas? but lets just say you’re a fucking credit, like i said theo is so eloquently written by you, so loved, and he’s truly like he’s your character, when i think of him, i think of you. you are so close to canon, but you also have delved from it, and made it your own, but also made sure to keep him in character !!! even when he’s breaking !!! you’re so special to me, thank you for embracing me as a person, embracing my characters and my portrayal, and for allowing me to send you ideas, shipping things or even to check in. you surpassed being a great writer ages ago. i LOVE love love you loads !!! thank you for blessing me with your talent. <333 @battleincarnate / @63l3 --- MADELEINE ??? MY BABE. i remember how much i’ve fangirled over your blog since i started this tumblr, i don’t remember a time where i didn’t follow you ??? we’ve had a few threads over the time i’ve known you and they all meant a lot but the one that truly meant the world was bensler ?? BENSLER were my babies, and while we didn’t complete a thread, it did mean a lot to write them with you for that short time, because no one else in the community writes them !!! while i was devastated not to write them with you, i’m glad i got to at least once because the thread idea was so great !!! but i love how you bring elliot to life in such an incredible way, you are able to capture his anger over things, or his attitude toward olivia, or to his job, or even his kids. you put so much thought into it that it’s fucking admirable ??? you deserve so much recognition for how incredible you are ? i love how you delve into elliot’s dynamic with olivia, and how we’ve cried and screamed over discord countless times over the svu eps we love, or the moments between them we love, or how we’ve talked in depth about how much we love them and their backgrounds !!! i love that you take the time to think everything out, or give elliot the love that he truly deserves ! i’m glad i get to see you portray him and bring him to life in a way with such love that he didn’t get enough of when he was on svu, you love him so much and i love that !! i also love your creativity with ideas, you’re just beyond fucking talented and you are the best portrayal of elliot !!! i admire you as an individual, and a writer so much. you’re so talented, and i’m so glad you’re bringing such an underrated character to life because it’s honestly needed !!! i love bensler so much so it’s nice to see them on the dash, or to have played them because i personally love them heaps. thank you for blessing me briefly with your portrayal of elliot, and allowing me to pick up olivia in hopes of exploring them with you, it meant the world. i also love how brilliantly you bring alison dilaurentis to life, you capture both the soft side of her, but also the badass af side of her and it’s almost like every character you write ???? is ACTUALLY them. i can’t wait to hopefully delve into more ideas with you for future threads, for ideas of ships or aus !! i love writing with you because you’re so down to earth and incredibly sweet and i’m glad to have a friend like that. MORE people should follow you to see how amazing you truly are because it’s needed ??? you deserve all the love. thank you for being there, for allowing me to write w/ you and for being a sweet babe. i’m grateful for our friendship and that you’ve graced me with your incredible writing !!! i love you a lot ! never change because you’re amazing <3333

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THOSE I ADMIRE FROM AFAR, WHOM I HAVE POSSIBLY HAD FEW THREADS WITH OR WHOM I CRY OVER BECAUSE OF THEIR TALENT. I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN PEOPLE BC I’M THE WORST BUT ILY ALL !! i just have a scattered brain ! if you’re mentioned, come @ me bc i’m happy to write w/ all of you ok !!! <3 ---- @gibins ; @runegiven ; @starhaze ; @brutaely ; @mkvch ; @disregardsorders ; @helmot ; @millicnreasons ; @awesomegaydar ; @learnedskill ; @frdie ; @joneshead ; @petrovanity ; @petroeva ; @lodgeds ; @blsms ; @bittenrage ; @valicnt ; @mieczlw ; @deathrepeated ; @deathwritten ; @griefdefined ; @griefbuilt ; @umbraevenatores ; @russethued ; @stuartwcmbly ; @ldges ; @gngrdrews ; @bittenrage ; @drowngrief ; @drownrot ; @snitchsought ; @olympiclion ; @olympiclamb ; @gllaghrs ; @softlykept ; @aspiredlights ; @asphalted ; @chosenforthis ; @knifefate ; @softlykept ; @thorndroses ; @alwaysbleed ; @steeledwill ; @cruelety ; @wearsheadbands ; @bcckmarked ; @warsraging ; @govtdna ; @mysrybled ; @serpentfamily ; @serpenthand ; @vixenwidowed ; @corruptedgood ; @corruptbadge ; @corruptlines ; @kolhearted ; @ponytaled ; @wantsbest ; @callmefp ; @cryoconquer ; @lockwoodspecial ; @lovesjello ; @anchorled ; @mcplastics ; @soulhcart ; @souldragger ; @hellbitched ; @tobeblamed ; @andrewsnco ; @seesgood ; @benevolf ; @roseguided ; @breedsmisery ; @objectivelyhot ; @tragedyveined ; @kingkeeper ; @brightspells ; @traitorize ; @magicrot ; @ptrvas ; @troubledharts ; @southsideleader ; @southraised ; @fatalles ; @roseguided @roseswrit ; @orgnlptrva ; @assassinsgirl ; @knowntragedy ; @stormedchaos ‘ @divinedeaths ; @divineardour !!

#* FOLLOW FOREVER. ( THOSE WHO TRULY DESERVE EVERY BIT OF LOVE. )

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