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#soc!reader
2knightt · 11 months
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Hey love sorry to bother but I had an idea for a fic and I’m like DYING for someone to write it
So basically reader is Johnny’s gf and he takes her to meet the gang but they don’t really like her cause she’s a soc so they kick her out and tell Johnny that he should be w her ikr smth but THEN they find reader crying at the park when another soc comes hitting on her but she’s all like NO I HAVE A BF and then the gang realises she actually loves Johnny
SORRY I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY
it’s kinda specific so no worries if you don’t wanna do it ❤️
↳hit the road, jack!₊˚✧
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➬ johnny cade x soc!reader
a/n; i swear im done with the shit posting lol back on the grind frlz. i didnt proofread this…lolz.
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“i’m so nervous johnny, i-i can’t do it! what if they don’t like me?”
you said— half shouting, half asking.
johnny chuckled, obviously nervous.
he, himself, didn’t even know if they’d like you.
you were a soc, and the gang holds so many grudges against soc’s, johnny can’t even count em on his own two hands.
“they’ll love you, i swear.”
he said, grabbing your hands while giving you a reassuring smile.
you took a deep breath in and then a deep breath out as johnny knocked on the curtis door.
a big, tall, scary looking guy answered the door.
he looked you up and down, and you could just tell he didn’t like you.
but nonetheless, he welcomed you in.
he shook your hand, where he told you his name was darry.
lovely name, you thought as you walked in.
6 intimating dudes sat in the living room, staring at you as you walked in.
the tension was so thick you could cut it with the knife.
you thought you’d try to lift the mood by giving an awkward smile and a wave.
but that only seemed to thicken the tension.
“who’s this?”
“my uh—my girlfriend.”
johnny answered the dark haired boy, he appeared to be dallas winston—the grease everyone knew about.
“mh.”
he said back, turning his head to face the other direction.
johnny awkwardly chuckled and leaned into your ear.
he started pointing at each and every boy sitting there, telling you their names.
the smaller one was ponyboy—odd name, but who are you to judge?
sodapop—another weird name…are they all like this? you wondered.
two-bit, apparently it’s just a nickname.
steve and dallas.
you didn’t need to hear their names to know they don’t want you here.
steve got up and asked for johnny in the kitchen.
when your boyfriend left, you swear you could’ve heard a grain of sand drop.
darry, the nicest one out of them all to you so far, tried to ask you questions about yourself.
“so, what’s your name?”
“y/n. it’s uh—lovely to meet you!”
“likewise.”
and from then on, it was silent again.
you heard steve and johnny talking in the kitchen, it was hard to be quiet in a dead silent house.
“a soc, johnny? a goddamn soc?”
“yeah? so what?”
“have you forgotten what they did to you? or ANY of us?”
the gang smiled at the sentence—almost like they were proud of their friend for putting you down.
“no, of course i haven’t! but she wasn’t apart of that—she’s my girlfriend. not those soc’s that kicked the tar out of us!”
“well she might as well be. she looks the part—what if it’s a prank, johnny? ever thought of that?”
you heard steve ask johnny.
you wanted to cry, cry, cry.
your relationship was a joke to them and they hated you.
your tears started to get watery the more you thought about it.
“i uh, i gotta go. ‘m sorry—gotta go finish something. tell johnny i said bye.”
you announced, rushing out of the house.
the second you stepped out, the tears started to stream down your cheeks.
you started to run to the empty lot, you knew nobody goes there. it’d be safe, right?
well, that’s what you thought.
a bunch of greasers were already there and you didn’t want to humiliate yourself more, so you walked faster past the lot.
you sat in at a park bench near your house.
you always went there when you had nowhere else to go.
you couldn’t go home crying, your father would kill johnny. even if it wasn’t his fault.
“y/n? are you okay?”
you heard a voice ask.
you looked up and saw your friend who you haven’t spoken to in a long time.
“micheal? oh shi—i’m sorry.”
“no-no, it’s fine. what’s wrong?”
he asked, sitting beside you and placing a hand on your lower back for comfort.
“my boyfriend’s friends don’t like me, micheal! he said they’re like his family—so it ain’t never gonna work out!”
“well—i’m always here. i always thought you were a cute gal, ya know?”
your eyes went wide.
huh?
“what?”
you heard several footsteps but you pushed that detail aside to put your full attention on the situation at hand.
“i mean, if you were to end things..i AM right here. always liked you, ya know?”
“i still have a boyfriend, micheal. just because we hit a rough patch doesn’t mean we broke up.”
you spoke, your eyebrows furrowed.
what the hell was he on?
“are you INSANE, micheal?! ugh! and here i thought i could get some comfort from a FRIEND!”
you shouted, standing up and walking away.
you heard micheal kiss his teeth as you walked away.
you heard a pair of feet rush after you and you just prayed it wasn’t micheal.
“never thought i’d see you shout at someone like that, y/n!”
you heard johnny say from your left side as he caught up to you.
“johnny?! what’re you doin’? ain’t you supposed to be with your friends?”
“that’s actually why i’m HERE.”
he answered, exaggerating the last part while looking behind the two of you.
that only caused you to look behind yourself, to see your boyfriend’s friends—looking guilty.
everyone stopped walking. the gang exchanged awkward looks as everyone stood there.
“well?”
you heard your boyfriend ask the gang, with a little bit of sass in his voice.
the gang felt terrible.
they thought you were just playing a cruel prank on johnny—they just wanted to protect him.
when johnny heard that you left, he exploded on everyone.
he shouted about how if they treated you nicer, you wouldn’t have left. how if they would push their grudges away, you wouldn’t have thought johnny was a bitch.
they didn’t want to apologize, but they wanted johnny to be happy.
they still thought it was a prank until they seen you push an attractive soc away.
“we’re uh, we’re sorry y/n.”
“yeah, but you gotta understand—”
steve said, trying to defend himself until johnny interrupted him.
“she ain’t gon’ understand NOTHIN’! just tell her you’re sorry and that you’ll give ‘er a chance!”
they all sighed—with even more guilty looks.
they each apologized, one by one.
darry, the one who’s still the nicest to you, asked if you’d like to restart.
and you happily agreed!
when you got to the curtis house, you found out that you shared more in common with the greasers than you thought.
the more you and the gang got to talk, the more they liked you.
the more they began to like you, the wider johnny’s smile got.
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may 29th, 2023. 7:39PM
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concreteprints · 2 years
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With Love, <Johnny Cade/Soc!(F)Reader>
Description: Being a soc you never really cared about anyone's feelings. You were cold, uncaring, and quite honestly a bit of a bully too. It isn't until a certian mean joke goes wrong that you realize exactly how bad you were.
Word Count: 1337
Warnings: N/A
Note: I want to make a part 2 but I have absolutely no motivation rn so (also I do take requests so feel free to request everything you have in mind, I will proofread those)
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It started off as a joke, the whole thing did, really. And at first you thought it was funny too. Making fun of some poor, lonely greaser by leaving notes from a secret admirer in his locker. You had never really cared about a greaser’s feelings before – everyone had always told you they were mean, dirty, careless assholes who were just jealous of the socs – and your locker was only a few away from his so it was real easy to catch his reactions which only made it better. Being able to see exactly how flustered he got after reading them.
You especially had fun writing the letters. It was just exhilarating and you giggled the entire time. They were cheesy love notes written in blue ink on your college ruled notebook paper. You loved dotting your i’s and j’s with hearts and saying stuff that you’d normally never have had the confidence to say.
The problem with your perfect joke (which, now that you thought about it sounded more like blatant bullying than a funny joke) came a few weeks into this new hobby of yours. You found yourself glancing over to him every passing period, smiling when you thought about him, and even getting excited seeing him read the letters. It was then that you realized that it had gone too far.
Your friends started to pressure you into telling him it was a joke and breaking his heart, but you could no longer bring yourself to do it. It was what you had been planning to do in the first place. Yet you realized now that it was much too cruel to be funny. He was just too sweet, Johnny didn’t deserve it. He was just some poor kid who was actually quite cute, the more that you thought about it. You didn’t think that someone like Johnny deserved it. He’d done nothing wrong. If anything, you were the one who deserved it. You were the asshole, you were the one who had thought it’d be funny to play around with some guy’s feelings.
Eventually you decided that you needed to end it, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. You liked Johnny more than you’d originally thought and you didn’t want to stop writing him letters. After what felt like years of barely sleeping because you couldn’t decide, you finally figured out what you wanted to do.
The letter started off with, “Please act upset as you read this letter. I will explain why in a minute.” Just in case your friends had decided to watch for his reaction you didn’t want them to catch on to the fact that you actually weren’t breaking his heart in your letter.
You then wrote asking him to meet you in the back of the drive-in at eight in the evening and that you’d be wearing a dress with a bow tied in your hair, both in your favorite color. You didn’t want him to be scared off if you told him you were a soc right away but you also didn’t want him to think that you never arrived.
You snuck up to his locker and quickly pushed the letter in while your friends giggled almost hysterically. You didn’t like the fact that they were laughing at him but then again you were just like them only a few weeks ago. You weren’t any better. If anything, you were practically worse for being the one who wrote those letters in the first place.
Johnny did his best to act upset, his face dropping as he read further and further and then running away to go to the bathroom, but in reality he only left so that he could smile without anyone seeing. He had been crushing on his secret admirer ever since he found the first letter in his locker. He couldn’t believe that he would finally get to meet you.
He couldn’t help but be a bit anxious. He didn’t really trust girls, not after all that Dallas had told him, but he was still excited. You seemed to be nice and he really did want to trust you. Living life assuming that everyone was just going to hurt him wouldn’t get him anywhere.
He got there early and leaned against the fence, anxiously rubbing the letter you’d left him as he waited. He eventually saw you and smiled softly even though you were a soc. Johnny felt even more anxious now but he couldn’t let himself back down. He had gotten this far after all, and he didn’t want to be a weak kid afraid of doing anything forever. Leaving now wasn’t what Dally would do, he told himself as he shook his head.
You ran up to him with what was probably the sweetest smile he had ever seen, if he had to guess. “Hey Johnny!”
Johnny nodded his head towards you as you leaned against the fence, copying his position. He was already a little flustered but he pushed through. If it was Dally here with you he would’ve already started flirting. There was no reason for Johnny to just back out.
“Oh hey…” He looked down to hide his smile, “Y/n, right? We have English together.” He could recognize you from a mile away. Everything about you made him smile, and learning that you were the one who had been writing him those love notes all along only made him more happy.
“Yeah, it’s nice to see you out of school for once.” You put your head on his shoulder. You didn’t want to make an advance too quickly and scare him off, but this was also technically a date.
He quickly felt his face heat up. You were just so gorgeous and kind and he just couldn’t help it. You two watched the movie, but neither of you were really paying attention. You were too busy staring at him and he was too busy staring at you without you noticing.
At the end of the movie you suggested going back to your house. Usually you would have not offered, him being a greaser and all, but your parents were out on a business trip and they would have no clue. Johnny was obviously skeptical. He wasn’t so sure it would be a smart idea for him to willingly go into soc territory with some pretty girl. But he eventually agreed. If he was gonna die tonight he would rather it be while on a date with a pretty girl.
You two got into your car and you started driving. Johnny did not talk much, so it was mostly you just carrying the conversation but you didn’t totally mind. Being a soc you could talk about absolutely nothing for hours on hours without messing up once, but there was one thing different about talking to Johnny. You quickly realized that you could tell him things that you would never normally tell anyone. It was comfortable and you felt safe and he was a greaser so he wasn’t nearly as judgemental as anyone else you had ever talked to.
Soon enough you pulled into your driveway. It was a nice white picket fence house with a freshly mown lawn, fairly boring if you really thought about it. He took note of how perfect it was. Not a single thing out of place. That was only a facade, but not a lot of greasers seemed to understand that. They all seemed to think your life was perfect, that every socs life was perfect and that they shouldn’t ever have the audacity to complain about it for even a second.
You two stayed up almost the entire night; drinking way too much soda, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company. It was genuinely the best date you had ever had and you were quickly grateful that you had taken that chance.
Maybe you didn’t need your social status as much as you had thought. At least, not when you had Johnny.
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Y'ALL
WE HAVE GOTTEN FEEDBACK FROM HBO MAX AND HAVE THEIR ATTENTION TO SAVE SHADOW AND BONE AND GIVE US OUR SIX OF CROWS SPIN OFF
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION TO SAVE SHADOW AND BONE AND OUR CROWS TO GET OUR SPIN OFFS AND MORE, THE SCRIPTS ARE COMPLETED ALREADY BEFORE NETFLIX CANCELLED THEM
SIGN THE PETITION TO HELP SAVE SHADOW AND BONE AND OUR BELOVED CROWS
Save Shadow And Bone
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why is everyone screaming about Kaz in the water? is it a book thing? i haven't read them yet, but im confused hahaha
Oh bestie...😬
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thesuntomyshadows · 2 months
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Y/N: *Sleepily*...Kaz?
Kaz: What?
Y/N: Are you awake?
Kaz: Who the fuck do you think just said ‘what’?
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captainreecejames · 1 month
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Wrong City - CL16 smau
in which you commit to the bit on Instagram
authors note : I hope you guys like this one! Originally it was going to be a different post every city and driver, but I didn't think that would really be enough so it became a short story on charles. Let me know if you want one on a different driver as I still have a few captions in the notes.
pairing : Charles Leclerc x FEM!reader
warnings : none
ynusername posted --------
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liked by bsfinstagram, yourmominsta and others
ynusername as the french say "soo la voo" or whatever
joris_trouche and who ate that second gelato? ↳ ynusername I had both duh 🙄🙄🙄 ↳ joris_trouche and that isn't Charles favorite flavor ↳ ynusername it's obviously my second favorite
pierregasly what??? ↳ ynusername isn't that what you say? I'm confused ↳ francisca.cgomes looks right to me ↳ ynusername thank you!
username22 quick flex in italy
username14 oh to kiss Charles leclerc in front of the trevi fountain in Rome, Italy
carlossainz55 I'm telling!!! ↳ charles_leclerc booo you whore ↳ charles_leclerc yn made me type that ↳ charles_leclerc but please don't tell
yourfriend1 did you try those gelato places I sent? ↳ ynusername yes, we agree they were so good! ↳ joris_trouche we??
username12 a woman in a white dress in italy will always have me going 🤨 ↳ username36 miss yn do you have anything you want to share with the class
username29 she's chronically on tiktok like me
landonorris get this off the tl ↳ charles_leclerc just cause youre chronically single doesn't mean we need to cater to your needs ↳ ynusername get him babe!
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liked by georgerussell63, lewishamilton and others
ynusername when in rome 🇮🇹🤪
pierregasly don't fucking piss me off ↳ ynusername oooh someone's even more sensitive than the monagasque
francisca.cgomes you are so pretty it actually hurts me ↳ ynusername babe look in a mirror ↳ francisca.cgomes our spot in 15 ↳ ynusername see you then babe
username27 oh she's committing to the bit huh ↳ charles_leclerc you have no idea ↳ username27 CHARLES HI
username83 when will it be my turn?? 😭😭
joris_trouche was the croissant good ↳ ynusername yep and I didn't share it ↳ charles_leclerc she tripped running away from me when I asked for some ↳ ynusername i thought we weren't sharing that info ↳ charles_leclerc sorry ma cherie
oscarpiastri you let that croissant touch the wall? ↳ ysusername of course not, what do you take me for? a loser
lorenzotl hope you had a good time ↳ ynusername we did <3
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liked by yukitsunoda0511, pierregasly and others
ynusername what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
username71 can't wait for the Vegas post now
username26 okay now she's teasing us about Vegas '19 ↳ username38 LER US KNOWWWWW
arthurleclerc bestie!!! ↳ ynusername little bro!!! ↳ arthurleclerc 😑🤧
username45 she really is feeding us with boyfriend charles content ↳ username28 I know, thank you yn. 🙏🏼🙏🏼
bsfinstagram she's everything, he's just there ↳ charles_leclerc accepting my role as trophy husband ↳ bsfinstagram husband 🤨🤨 ↳ charles_leclerc you know what I mean 😑
username74 now why are Arthur and BSF being weird ↳ username90 asking the right questions cause why are they being weird 🤨
alex_albon stop kissing on the tl, there are kids here ↳ ynusername weird to use third person but to each their own ↳ alex_albon im talking about logan
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liked by scuderiaferrari, lilymhe and others
ynusername you know I love a monaco boy 🇲🇨
load more comments
username82 HE LOOKS SO GOOD OMG ↳ username82 LIKE THAT POST RACE GLOW IS JUST 🧑🏼‍🍳💋 ↳ username82 WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE ↳ username82 WHY ARE YOU IN ALL WHITE MS. YN
username63 Ma'am, you simply cannot post this then disappear
charles_leclerc ma cherie 🤍 ↳ ynusername you called?
lewishamilton congrats! ↳ ynusername thank you sir lewis. ❤️❤️
sebastianvettel wishing you two all the best ↳ ynusername thanks seb, from both of us
scuderiaferrari can't wait to welcome mrs. leclerc to the paddock!
username20 that post race glow hit so hard they got married
username30 yn please tell us he didn't wear that to the chapel ↳ ynusername he looked very handsome at the chapel, don't worry ↳ username30 that somehow doesn't make me feel better. was he wearing a costume?
tomholland2013 congrats you two! ↳ zendaya i guess our invites got lost in the mail? ↳ ynusername reception soon!!
yourmominsta my beautiful girl and handsome son-in-law ↳ ynusername love you mama ↳ charles_leclerc love you maman
username93 when she goes from the g in wag to the w >>
olliebearman you look amazing yn! congrats ❤️ ↳ ynusername awww thank you ollie ❤️
maxverstappen1 congratulations, no inchidents hopefully? ↳ ynusername you just can't let it go, huh? 😭 ↳ maxverstappen1 nope, little leclercs will know this story from my point of view ↳ ysusername please slow down 😐
lilymhe party soon? ↳ ynusername yes! I need a proper bachelorette party
username29 wait this wasn't planned?? ↳ username22 girl, vegas weddings are not really ever planned ↳ username29 yeah but when did he propose to her? if they didn't even have time for the bach parties, then i don't think they thought about this at all, makes me sad. you don't get married on a whim ↳ username22 take a breath. this is not your relationship ↳ username94 also they've been together for years, so this really isn't something out of the blue. plus they've joked about getting married on twitter and insta before, so it's something they both wanted. not that any of this is really our business
bonus post
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liked by ynusername, andferrari007 and others
charles_leclerc and ynusername forever
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jacesvelaryons · 2 months
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wing woman.
social media au
tom blyth x fem!reader
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prompt: tom’s newly single and fresh off the success of tbosas, and now he’s at rachel’s mercy to set him up and give him a moment to talk to her best friend y/n.
masterlist (to be updated)
please continue to like, and follow and especially comment how much you like my work or anything you want to see from me! and most importantly please reblog so more get to see these.
seeing the feedback and responses from people motivates me to keep writing these. if you ever want to be part of my taglist, let me know!
send me request of soc med aus, blurbs, stories/writing for tom blyth and his characters!
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rachelzegler
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yourusername i love you so much twin
liked by yourusername and others
happy birthday to my best girl, my twin flame, my other half, the light of my life y/n! as you make another rotation on this earth and continue to bless us with your presence, I hope to remain a part of your life.
↪️ rachelzegler can’t imagine life without you 🫂🫂
taylorswift my babies ❤️
phoebebridgers cute!
sadiesink happy birthday angel!
indiaamarteifio happy birthday girlie!
tomblyth hbd!
↩️yourusername thank you bud!
↩️ user45 oh okay 🤭👀
↩️ random182 this is inch resting
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hunterschafer happy birthday my love!!! ❤️❤️❤️
liked by yourusername
↩️ yourusername tysm!
rachel’s messages:
yourusername
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liked by tomblyth and others
totally didn't expect it but what a party @/rachelzegler and crew organized for me! so thankful for every year of my life and the people who made it so good. had the time of my life (still trying to wash out glitter from my hair)
tomblyth
ellefanning had so much fun girlie!
↩️ yourusername it's way more fun whenever you're around babe
ayoedibiri party of the year, happy birthday love!
↩️ yourusername thank you boo
daisyedgarjones xoxo
paulmescal ❤️
↩️ user99 all hail ireland 🇮🇪
liked by yourusername
user17 wasn't tom here 🤭 the party pic he posed kinda looked like this
↩️ user9274 you're right omg maybe rach invited him
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joshandresgarcia slow down cowboy 🤠
liked by yourusername and others
partied till I lost track of time and woke up the next afternoon. I'd do it again.
↩️ tomblyth not anytime soon partner
yourusername
yourusername yeehaw
liked by tomblyth
↩️ tomblyth thanks for having me at your birthday party! 🥳
↩️ random274 aww this is cute
↩️ user163 glad they met r you got a vision girlie
↩️ rachelzelger ofc I do sweetie 🤭🤭😌trust me
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liked by haileybieber and others
❤️
rachelzegler GIRL
rachelzegler PICK UP YOUR PHONE RN?!?!??
rachelzelger OFC YOU GO ON SILENT NOW ANSWER ME RNNNNNN
username723 is that tom omg
↩️ random926 had to be him he's exactly her type
↩️ username534 he's my type too
↩️ user111 girl get in line yn bagged him good 😭😭
oliviarodrigo someone's booed up and hasn't told me 😤😤
↩️ conangray girl pick up! @/yourusername
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auroravictorium · 3 months
Text
anti-hero (k.b.)
i wake up screaming from dreaming. one day i'll watch as you're leaving, and life will lose all its meaning (for the last time).
Summary: reader is awake and heads outside for fresh air. kaz questions whether reader still wants to be with him, and reader begins to heal.
Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (established relationship) Word Count: ~4.3k (!!!) Warnings: allusions to reader's recent trauma (kidnapping, torture, severe injuries), mentions of injuries (scars, cuts, bruises), mentions of sibling & parent loss/death, mentions of blood, mentions of kaz's haphephobia, mentions of violence (kaz bashing heads and dangling people of rooftops) Genre: fluffier angst? brief angst then fluff? Author's Note: i really gotta stop with these disappearing acts. anyway, i promised you guys the next part, so here is the next part at a whopping 4.3k. pls enjoy <3 masterlist
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The next few days passed in a blur as you fought to recover from what you'd been through. Nothing aggravated you more than the stiffness of your muscles and the pain throbbing throughout your body; just a week ago, you'd been able to jump across rooftops and snatch a pouch of kruge from a man's pocket without any issue. Now, damn near everything ached, though the vertigo and throbbing in your head had eased thanks to Nina's work.
On one of the warmer days, where the snow had melted into the ground to form a muddy slush, you woke up feeling much better than when you'd been carried out of the warehouse. While the rest of the house slept, you slowly made your way out of the room you were staying in and down the stairs. You stuck to the edges, using the banister to support yourself as you avoided potential creaky spots. The house was in remarkably good condition, but you didn't want anyone questioning why you were up and about on your own. You needed to move, to feel the fresh air again.
To remind yourself that you were free, despite everything.
You slipped on your battered boots, your body aching as you hunched over to pull them onto your feet, then stepped onto the front porch, looking over the bleak, icy land sprawling before you. Crossing your arms to brace yourself against the cold, you stepped off the porch and stood in the snow. You let the muddy slush soak the material of your boots, chilling your skin even through your thick socks.
The air stung your lungs as you inhaled deeply, burned through your chest, and then you let it out slowly, the air fogging before you. To be standing outside felt like bliss; in the open air, you could forget the griminess of your captivity for a moment, the sensation of blood sliding down your fingers, the ringing of your ears as your friends had arrived in a flurry of action and chaos. 
You gulped down more air to chase away the prickling hairs on the back of your neck as you considered all that had happened. Not now. 
You realized then why it was easier to close off, to not think of the horrible things those mercenaries had done, that Rollins and his Dime Lions had done in Ketterdam over the years. Denial was easier than wading through the grief of what happened. Preferable, even.
Snow crunched behind you, but you didn't turn, your eyes still fixed on the empty, slush-covered fields before you. A gloved hand carefully wrapped a worn blanket around your shoulders and lingered for a moment before falling away. Kaz stepped beside you, his coat wrapped tightly around himself; there were dark shadows under his eyes, and his face was a touch paler from exhaustion. 
You frowned at him. "You haven't slept."
"Neither have you," he said quietly, sliding his free hand into his coat pocket and looking down at you. He was silent, his icy blue eyes roaming up and down your form as he surveyed you. The look made you shiver, and you turned your gaze away, a blush unrelated to the cold rising to your cheeks.
Out of your periphery, you saw Kaz slide his hand from his pocket, and you felt the brush of his fingers against your arm, loosely wrapping around your wrist. You glanced up at him, and you let him gently turn your arm so that your forearm was to the sky; he pushed your sleeve up carefully, tenderly, and his gaze lifted from the bandages around your arm to your face, waiting.
"Go ahead," you said softly. You didn't want to hide your pain and your scars from Kaz, even though instincts told you to shield it from him. You ached to hide your weakness like when you first arrived on Ketterdam's streets, to settle into denial and rage. But this was Kaz. You trusted him to catch you if you fell.
Kaz undid the bandages with practiced ease, and you wrinkled your nose as cold air hit your wounded tattoo. The flesh was nearly healed thanks to Nina's hard work, but most of the ink itself was destroyed, only a few dark remnants remaining at the edges of what had once been the crow perched on the cup. Shiny scar tissue lined your forearm, and Kaz ran a gloved finger over the skin. The gentlest of touches, but enough to make you hold your breath and look away.
"I'm sorry," Kaz said, breaking the silence with his raspy voice before you could speak. Though he deemed his investigation complete, he didn't release your arm. Instead, he carefully wrapped the bandages again and secured them in place, his leather touches nothing more than a whisper against broken skin. 
You shook your head. "It's not your fault," you said, looking up at him. You were startled to find his gaze already on you, and your breath caught as you saw the raw emotions flickering there. Concern, anguish, guilt. A raw mix of vulnerability he would never let anyone else see.
Kaz looked back down at your bandaged arm, still in his hold. Black leather gloves against pale white bandages, a stark contrast that he hated. He'd caused this. He was at fault, whether you would say it to him or not. The moment he'd crawled out of that harbor, determined to make the city pay for taking his brother, taking his name, taking his dreams, he'd set everyone around him on a path to harm.
"Kaz," you said, turning your arm in his grip so that you could grasp his. Your breath fogged in the cold air between the two of you, a warning of the winter storm brewing above that you elected not to heed. "Tell me what you're thinking. Please."
He let out a breath, and he wanted to turn away. Your gaze was intense, reaching deep into his soul and threatening to pull out every word he'd stashed away where nobody could ever find them. Most believed he didn't have a soul, and he liked it that way; it was his treasured hiding place of all the things he wanted to say but never would, because Dirtyhands wasn't tender. He wasn't kind or caring. He was ruthless, selfish, and brutal. He bashed skulls into stone floors and tortured men on rooftops.
Yet you seemed to break down his walls with only a look, stripping away the layers he'd created to become Kaz Brekker. You saw him, the boy who grew up on this farm, who fell asleep every night with the threadbare blanket currently wrapped around your shoulders, who believed in goodness in the world.
He struggled to reach into that hidden, tucked away part of himself, to find the words he longed to say to you. I love you. I'm sorry. I am not the man you should want. I love you. I thought I'd lost you. I am a liar. I love you.
I love you, and I thought I had lost the chance to say it.
"Do you still want this?" he managed to say, the words nothing more than a rasp, the sound of sandpaper against wood. Even as Kaz Brekker longed to take steps back, to fling up those walls and fall back into the comfort and safety of being ruthless and harsh, the ground beneath his feet had him rooted in place. The Rietveld farm, where the ghosts of his father and brother lurked in the house just feet away. They were watching, begging him to do better. To be better.
He could be.
"Yes," you said without hesitation, your grip on his arm steady and your gaze unwavering. "I made my decision a year ago. I stand by it." Your words were firm but not unkind, leaving no room for argument or misinterpretation.
A lot of horrible things had happened in the past week. Kidnapping, torture, interrogation, and scarring you hoped would one day heal. And despite the urge to collapse, to fall and give in, you wouldn't. Your friends wouldn't let you. Kaz wouldn't let you. And you wouldn't let Kaz wade into the guilt he was feeling. You'd haul him out by his coat collar if you had to. You wouldn't blame anyone for what had happened to you aside from those who deserved it; the guilt lay with the mercenaries and with Pekka, left behind in that warehouse.
Kaz was quiet for a few long moments. He let your words play over and over again in his mind, searching for any whisper of deceit, any hint of blame from you that would reinforce the guilt that pressed down hard enough on his lungs that he felt like they might be crushed beneath the weight. When he found none, he pushed a slow breath past his lips, trying to ease that pressure. "Alright," he said.
Because as much as he did blame himself, it was your choice. Your decision to stay with him, despite his belief that you would only get hurt again. And he wouldn't take that choice from you, even as everything he'd taught himself screamed at him to distance himself from you until you changed your mind.
He would be better.
Kaz swallowed, realizing he still held your arm in his grasp. He looked down at it again, his hand gently cradling your injured arm, and he slowly shifted his hold until your hand was held in both of his, his cane resting against his hip so it didn't fall into the slush. He could feel the coldness of your fingers through his gloves, and he trapped your fingers between his palms to try and warm them up. 
You stepped closer to him, realizing how cold you actually were, even with the tattered blanket around your shoulders. The heat radiated off him in waves, and soon you were nearly chest-to-chest with him. You tilted your head up to look at Kaz, your heart slamming in your chest as you dared to step into his personal space. He smelled like city smoke, like faint remnants of cologne. Home. Comfort.
"I thought I lost you," Kaz rasped, the words almost inaudible, even as you stood mere inches from him. He almost choked on the words, but he owed it to you to say that. To say so much more. "I thought Pekka had won."
"He didn't," you said quietly. 
"I killed him."
"I know."
His breathing turned ragged. "I should have done worse. I should have made him suffer more."
You shook your head, turning your hand in his palms so you could lace your fingers with his. "You did what needed to be done. Nothing more, nothing less. That's all that matters." You tilted your face up, taking in the emotions in his eyes.
"Before you left, you said..." Kaz's eyes slipped shut. Just say it, you fool. Say it. "You said you loved me."
The words didn't burn on his tongue like he thought they would and didn't taste like salty, bitter seawater. It didn't make his teeth chatter or his clothes feel stuck to his skin. It felt blissfully warm, burning in his chest like it might ignite him from the inside out.
You didn't answer, not wanting to interrupt him as he fought to speak. You had a feeling you knew what he wanted to say, why he looked like he was somewhere between keeling over and taking off across the property to disappear into the treeline. So, you gave his hand a gentle squeeze to encourage him, feeling your heart pound as he spoke again.
"I should have said it back," Kaz said. "I should have told you I..." The words stuck in his mouth like the sticky candy he'd shared with his brother on this very property, the sun beating down on their heads. "I should have..." He faltered again, his brows creasing as he grew increasingly frustrated with his inability to spit the damn words out.
Kaz sighed, the breath rushing out of his lungs and clouding in the air before he managed to force out, "I should have told you that I love you." As the words passed his lips, a feeling of peace came over him. The knot in his chest eased, and the heavy weight within his chest became easier to bear. Taking the chance, he continued, his voice quieter. "You could have died, and all I thought about on the ride here was how I didn't say it back. I just turned away like a fool and sent you into the lion's den."
He was grateful for that temporary moment of relief. At least if you stepped away and changed your mind about wanting this, wanting him, the last thing he would remember of the two of you would be this moment of respite with your hand in his and the knowledge that he'd finally told you what he felt. That would be some consolation before the bitter taste of pain rose.
You stepped closer, cutting off his train of thought by pressing his gloved hand against your racing heart, his palm resting just beneath your collarbone. The words he'd just spoken suddenly seemed far away, and his mind went completely blank as he felt the hammering of your heart against his palm. A stark reminder that you were still alive, and he didn't have to think of the 'what ifs' anymore. You had chosen him. You hadn't changed your mind, after everything.
"Don't torment yourself," you said quietly. Your gaze met his, a simultaneous fierceness and gentleness visible there that almost knocked the breath from Kaz's lungs. "Do you remember what I told you? Your pace?"
The words reminded you of an evening that felt long in the past. The two of you, sitting on Kaz's tiny bed in the Slat and working through his fear when you told him you love him and that he didn't have to say it back until he was ready. Your pace, Kaz.
"I remember," he said, his voice uncharacteristically shaky. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain control of his breathing as he dropped his hand from your heart and twined his gloved fingers with yours once more. Once he was sure he wouldn't hyperventilate or collapse into the icy mud like a fool, he opened his eyes again.
"I love you," you said softly, giving his hand the gentlest of squeezes. The words felt right, just like every time you'd said them, tasting like shots in the Crow Club and snow falling over the city, like a heady bliss you wanted to feel again and again, as though you might never get enough. Though the words felt right, you realized you started trembling after you said them. From the cold? From the vulnerability strung between the two of you? From the anticipation of his response?
Your fingers were cold between Kaz's, and before he realized what he was doing, he caught both of your hands in his this time, clasping them between his gloved palms to warm them up. Only a few inches separated your faces now, and your tangled hands were wedged between your chests. Selfishly, he wanted to close that distance completely, to remind himself of how your lips felt together. It had been six months, and though he thought about that moment in the alley outside the Crow Club every single day, he found that the feeling had begun to drift from his mind.
"We should go inside," he rasped, despite the thoughts warring in his head. You were freezing; that much was obvious. The old blanket he'd brought to you hadn't done much to keep you warm in this bitter weather, especially as a fresh flurry of snow prepared to blanket the ground.
"I'm fine," you responded, though the growing numbness of your nose and ears said otherwise. You were caught in his gaze, trapped by the heated look in his eyes. You'd seen him angry, distant, and vulnerable at times, but the look he wore now was one you hardly recognized. It was one you'd only seen once before, moments before he'd kissed you outside the Crow Club like he'd die if he didn't get the chance.
"That's what most say before dying of exposure," Kaz deadpanned, but even his response couldn't tamp down the burning in his chest. He didn't recognize it, the looseness in his muscles and the burning in his chest. For once, no terror rose in response to your closeness, ready to shove him away with cold, invisible hands.
You rolled your eyes at him. "I can assure you, the cold won't take me out that easily." Still, you shivered just a bit as a slight breeze kicked up to remind you both of the incoming storm, making your words much less reassuring than you wanted them to be. Traitorous nature. But Kaz (and the wind) was right, the two of you should head inside, even if you wanted to bask in the vulnerability and simmering feel of his gaze for a little bit longer.
Taking a step back, you moved as if you might disentangle your hands from his and head back toward the house. Once again acting before he could stop himself, Kaz caught you, his fingers gentle as they wrapped around your wrist. "Wait," he said, his voice almost inaudible. He took a shaky breath as terror sunk its fingers into his flesh again, making his words come out more unsteadily than he intended. "Can I?"
He could win against his fear again, could push himself past the newfound comfort of holding hands with you. He'd done it once, even though it had kicked an unfortunate series of events into motion. But maybe... maybe that wouldn't happen again. It was just the two of you and the cold. No witnesses, no traitors amongst you except the bone-deep terror that threatened to rear its head every time he dared to challenge it.
Confusion briefly flashed across your face, and then your mind went blank with recognition. The memory of the alleyway, a kiss tasting like bitter liquor and snow, flashed through your mind.
Oh. Oh.
You nodded, just as you had before, feeling your cheeks heat up despite the cold.
As he stepped closer, closing the last few inches of distance, you wanted to ask him whether he was sure. He'd opened up to you so much already; you didn't want him to feel obligated to do so further. But he'd initiated it, and you trusted him and his newfound confidence in his ability to heal. 
You were proud of him.
His lips met yours, tentatively at first. They were cold, chapped slightly from the weather, and he waited for the icy terror to yank him to the ground and drown him right there on land. While his legs felt unsteady, pushed and pulled at by his own fear in its twisted form of pale, dead hands in the harbor, he felt like he could keep standing as long as he focused on you.
It no longer felt like the midst of a Kerch winter. As snow fell down and started to kiss your cheeks, you could imagine it was a morning drizzle on a summer day, before the sweltering heat kicked in and was compounded by the smoky air of the city. You felt warm, maybe too warm, and you freed one of your hands to move up and grasp the back of his neck, standing up on your tiptoes to keep the distance between you closed.
Kaz startled at the touch, his hand moving to grab your arm out of instinct as his heartbeat picked up at the feel of your hand on his skin. The touch was foreign, soft, and hesitant, but not unwelcome as he steeled himself against letting his fear take over. He wanted to be able to kiss you, to accept your touch and affection without feeling like he might collapse. 
His determination fueled him to press even closer, his hand releasing your arm in favor of cupping your cheek. He brushed his thumb over your cheekbone, pretending he could feel the softness of your skin beneath his touch. You shivered, and a surge of warmth ran down his spine, making goosebumps rise beneath your hand on his neck.
Distantly, he felt his cane fall from where it had been propped against his hip, thumping against the frozen ground. But his focus was on you. You, your lips, your nose bumping against his as you settled into this still-new feeling, your hand on his neck, your other moving up as if to join the other before chancing it, sliding into the mussed strands of his hair that he hadn't bothered to slick back before joining you out here.
You fought the heat running throughout your body and forced yourself to pull back, gasping a bit and looking up at him. "I'm-" you began, already starting to retract your hands. What if you'd pushed him too far? You'd felt how he tensed beneath your touch for a moment, felt him go somewhere else for just a moment. What were you thinking, Y/N? His pace, remember?
"Don't," Kaz said roughly, knowing precisely what you were thinking. He kissed you again, chasing the euphoria of your lips against his. He surprised himself with how hungrily he kissed you. The feel of your lips was better than any liquor. Better than any drug, or high in the aftermath of a successful heist. He liked the feeling of kruge passing into his hands, but this feeling had quickly surpassed that.
You made a noise of surprise but didn't protest or pull away, sliding your hands back into his hair and through the dark, silky strands. There was a bubble of something in your chest, the urge to chase this and press further, but the burning in your lungs and throbbing of your wounds in response to the worsening cold forced you to pull back far sooner than you wanted to. 
You opened your mouth to speak, ready to ask if he was okay, or what he was thinking. A million emotions were flickering through his eyes, and you were having trouble pinpointing any of them. Just as you recognized one of them as longing, Kaz's face went neutral, the emotions disappearing before you could blink as the front door to the house creaked open. Your head turned, and you saw Nina, who had just woken up judging by the wayward hair framing her face.
"If you two are done frolicking, I figure I should tell you the storm is about to hit," Nina called from the porch, leaning against the doorway with a smugness on her face that made you blush and take several steps back from Kaz. 
Tightening the old blanket around your shoulders, you glanced at Kaz as he grabbed his cane off the ground. His cheekbones were flushed pink, and there was a purse to his lips that gave away his embarrassment at being caught. But as he straightened up, his cane firmly in his hand again, there was a sparkle in his eye as he met your gaze and offered you an elbow to help you back inside.
"Not a word, witch," Kaz said to Nina, eyeing the wicked grin on her face as he tapped his boots against the steps to free the snow and mud from them. He kept his arm extended for you to hold onto as you did the same, noting the winces of pain as the impact sent shocks of pain through the bruises and scrapes on your legs.
Nina gave Kaz an innocent smile. "Of course not." She reached up to pinch his cheek, and he batted her hand away with a sharp glare. "Can't ruin your terrifying reputation, can I?" 
"No bickering before breakfast," Jesper groaned from the couch, pushing the blanket away from his face and yawning. "I can't add any witty commentary on an empty stomach." He sat up and rubbed his eyes before grimacing and hunching his shoulders. "Now, will you please close the damn door? It's freezing out there."
You suppressed another smile, stepping into the house and setting your shoes to the side. As Nina and Jesper bickered, you pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders, sharing a brief glance with Kaz as you settled next to the fireplace to warm up. A flicker of something soft passed through his eyes before disappearing as he carefully leaned down to add another log to stoke the flames. 
Inej padded down the stairs, putting the finishing touches on her braid as she investigated the commotion. If she noticed the faint blush on your cheeks or Kaz looking anywhere but you, she didn't say anything. Instead, she pushed Jesper's legs off the couch to make room to sit, ignoring his groggy protests.
Though you weren't sure anything other than time could heal what happened, being surrounded by your chosen family was a good start. A warmth unrelated to the fire settled over you, a comfort and security that eased the tension that hadn't lifted since your capture. You would heal. Wounds would scar and fade, memories would become less vivid, and the ink along your arm could be replaced one day. 
In the meantime, you'd bask in that warmth, even when your return to Ketterdam inevitably tried to chase it away. 
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undiscovered-horizon · 11 months
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"Four Crows Investigation" - Kaz Brekker x Reader
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[vulgar language]
[Part 2 - Lovebirds' Outfox]
☽ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ☾
Enjoying my work? You can leave me a tip on Ko-Fi
SUMMARY: After Nina makes a passing comment about Brekker’s heartbeat, three crows join her in an investigation to uncover the true nature of your relationship with Kaz.
WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.4k
>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist&lt;<
Sitting around the table, leaning forward in a secretive manner, the four Crows look nothing short of a conspiracy. Their appearance is in no way deceptive - that’s exactly the reason for their meeting. Nina looks between Jesper’s and Wylan’s shoulders, checking whether you and Kaz are in any way suspicious of their gathering. For now, you look a little too preoccupied with each other. Time for the final conference.
The Heartrender leans even further towards her friends, looking between them with a questioning gaze. She seems to be the most excited about this ‘secretive investigation’, as she called it a week ago, but that should not come as a surprise - all of this has been her idea from start to finish. The moment she noticed Kaz’s heartbeat significantly pick up when you showed up in a ball gown in an attempt to mix in with the immorally wealthy crowd at the banquet, Nina simply had to know more. Her friends, although reluctant at first, joined the scheme out of their own meddling.
“So, what did you manage to find out?” She’s trying to keep her voice quiet but the sheer excitement makes it difficult.
“I still don’t understand why we’re doing this,” Wylan stutters out while shaking his head gently. He may be part of a crime syndicate now but spying on his friends, and his boss, just seems too far.
“Because we care about them?” Jesper asks with fake worry in his voice. Then, a devious smile appears on his face. “And we’re morbidly curious.”
“Can’t we just ask them, then?”
“As if either of them is going to say something,” Inej grunts. Knowing both of you fairly well, she never expected a straightforward question to get anything outside of a snarky comment or a side-eye.
Nina impatiently taps her hand on the table. “Alright, who goes first?”
╚ Jesper’s Evidence  ╝
He knows Kaz is going to get angry the moment he walks through the door but, at the same time, Jesper’s kind of out of options. As much as he hates to admit it to himself and definitely will not do it aloud, he’s facing an impasse.
The moment he pushes the door open, your and Kaz’s eyes snap towards him. He makes a note of your shoulders - brushing against one another as you’re standing over scattered papers, a little too close for practicality or for the closeness to be accredited to accident. You’re definitely giving the impression that he walked in at an inconvenient moment.
But Jesper is good at bluffing, never giving away that he noticed the thought-provoking lack of space between you. “Carliogne won’t talk unless he sees the contract you signed with Bruglione,” he informs. “His reasoning is that we’re probably trying to fuck him over.”
Kaz stares at him for a moment with an unreadable expression. “We are,” he finally answers.
“Well, he doesn’t need to know that for now, does he?”
“It makes sense,” you speak up. Pondering, you nod to yourself. “If he sees the contract, he’ll become less cautious and playing him should be even easier. Just wait a second,” you wave your hand at Jesper, “I think I put it in the bottom drawer.”
The moment you crouch behind the desk, Jesper’s eyes catch movement - Kaz is covering the edge of the table over your head with his hand. Considering that he’s looking at papers in the opposite direction, he might not even be aware of this little habit. The gunslinger stifles a smile. Nina is going to love this.
Soon, you stand back up at the protective hand reaches to flip through a wad of documents as though nothing has happened. Extending your arm towards Jesper, you offer him the folded contract between your two fingers.
“Please, don’t get it stained.”
“Can’t make promises,” he says with a cheeky smile as he snatches the paper from you.
Jesper hears your groan right before he closes the door behind himself.
╚ Wylan’s Evidence  ╝
Wylan rarely got ‘field work’ aside from setting up explosives. The out-of-ordinary occasions were stake-outs, when he’d sit in one place for hours on end waiting for something to happen, having only Jesper’s company to pass the time - not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, that’s the only part that makes those ‘patrol duties’ bearable.
 Although he feels uneasy creepily watching, he’s supposed to wait for an agreed-on sign to carry out his part in the plan. And with Jesper gone to the bathroom, the responsibility of staying vigilant is his only. Sitting on the carriage bench, he has a good view of the street but most of his attention surrounds a certain table at a boulangerie near the junction. You and Kaz are doing a great job at looking common - just drinking coffee, chatting, completely run-of-the-mill people and definitely not hardened criminals ready to call their companions to action when their prey is in sight.
Wylan suddenly sits up, hardly believing the scene unfolding before his eyes: you offer Kaz your bagel and he just… bites it. No glares, no scowls, he just takes a bite and you continue the conversation. Maybe Nina was right and something is up.
The carriage shakes slightly as Jesper gets back on it. “What did I miss?” he asks in an upbeat voice.
╚ Inej’s Evidence ╝
It’s the middle of the night but Inej rarely works at other times. Only one thing stands between her and the comfort of her bed - Kaz. She’s well-aware that he’s still going to be working at this hour, making her wonder once more: when does he rest?
Kaz seems to be expecting her as he doesn’t even flinch when she barges into his office. He just looks up at her for a moment, only to return to writing something. Inej is about to tell him what Lorenzzo Carliogne had been up to during the day, when her eyes focus on a surprising singularity: the daybed standing in the corner of the office, used as an additional shelf or a desk most of the time, is occupied. First, she realizes that it’s you sleeping on it but then another, a much more interesting detail, catches her eye in the dim candlelight of the room - you’re covered with a coat that undoubtedly looks like it belongs to Kaz.
“I take it there’s a reason you’re here at this hour?” Brekker brings her attention back to himself.
“Yes,” she starts, sparing you one last glance before looking at Kaz, “Carliogne lives with his wife and three children. Staff comes in through a separate pair of doors, only the main chef and butler have keys to it. There’s a rotation in guards during lunch.”
“Good,” he answers. Kaz looks up at Inej but again, it’s just for a moment - his focus is soon directed at the papers in front of him.
A silence falls. The thought to inquire about you, the daybed and his coat passes her thoughts but an instinct dissuades her from doing so. Because realistically, what sort of answer would Kaz give her anyway? It’s better to spare herself the snark and just go to bed.
The four friends look between each other, curious whether all of them came to the same conclusion. Tense excitement hangs in the air. There is a certain aspect of juvenile nosyness that entices them, making this whole over-the-top operation fun and not just a gossip convention.
A pout twists Nina’s face. It would have looked sad if it wasn’t for her raised eyebrows, making her expression more compassionate than woeful. “They’re so in love it’s kind of embarrassing,” she announces.
Three pairs of eyes follow her pitiful gaze to the faraway table where you’re sitting with Kaz, oblivious to the interest the Crows have in you. It looks like you’re retelling him a story, gesturing wildly with one of your hands, while the other is kept on the table, underneath his gloved fingers. Kaz is just nodding along, answering something shortly from time to time. 
“Just look at them,” Jesper says with a sense of misguided pride as though he had some contribution in the makings of the couple. He’s shaking his head with amusement. “How could we ever had any doubts?”
“Do you think they know that we know?” Wylan asks quietly.
Inej shrugs. “I don’t think they care.”
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rorygilmoreclown · 1 year
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Gonna include this in the Cunk on Ketterdam series. (Although i know this won't be Cunk on Ketterdam exactly)
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cammys-imagines24 · 1 year
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• Kaz Brekker Being Jealous •
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It should come as no surprise that jealousy with Kaz is a common occurrence. The green eyed monster making it's presence known almost daily.
Even towards others who Kaz knows aren't a threat to your relationship.
It rears it's ugly head whenever he sees others touching you in ways that he cannot.
Such as when Nina kisses your cheeks in greeting or when she takes you on a day of shopping, her being able to see or touch your form as she forces you to try on fancy gowns.
And when Jesper casually drapes an arm around your shoulders or picks you up into a bone crushing hug, twirling you all around.
The envy is prominent then, when Kaz witnesses his own Crows giving you simple intimacies without a second thought. Ones he should effortlessly be giving you and more.
But with Nina and Jesper, Dirtyhands is never resentful towards them for long and can move on as soon as he sees you smile at him.
Or when you show how comfortable you are around him, like after a long day when he sees you relax on the settee in his office or when you carelessly throw your over-clothes around your quarters with him there.
When he sees you so content being in his company he can almost feel slightly grateful to the sharpshooter and heartrender for being there for you in ways he is unable (almost).
Now, let's say you're recieving unwanted attention from a mere Pigeon at the Crow Club? Or even another member of the Dregs? That's where the problem starts.
If anyone, anyone, lays a hand on you without your consent then that's where, as Mathias is apt to call him, the real Demjin shows himself.
See Kaz is very good at threatening people. And when it comes to protecting you, when it comes to the little green eyed monster inside his head, he even gets great satisfaction out of torture if necessary.
For instance, say some seedy bloke is staring at you too much for too long, well Kaz might just have to gouge out his eyes so he can never look again.
A hand finds it's way to grope your hips, ass or chest? Kaz deems it appropriate that the offender should just have said hand cut off.
There is a reason why you feel safe walking even the shadiest of alleys or going into the worst of pleasure houses on your own after all.
It being a well known fear told throughout the streets in hushed tones of just who is protecting you and what happens to any that disturb you.
Kaz would sooner lose the Crow Club itself than admit whenever he's jealous but you can always tell.
After all, despite his sharp expression, his eyes are a dead giveaway to how he's really feeling.
And though you cannot touch him as freely as most couples can with each other, you have your own ways of subtly reassuring him that he has nothing to worry about.
You are his and he is yours and no hug from a friend or grope from a creep will ever change that.
Your relationship isn't lacking, despite his fears. Despite the lack of physical intimacy.
Because in your heart you know how much the bastard of the barrel loves you.
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byeol-ssi · 1 year
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nothing more, nothing less
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Kaz Brekker was acquainted with different monsters. Those wrapped in expensive silk and bathed in sickening perfume. Those who spouted beautiful lies, enticing unwitting men into their dens. Those with hands stained crimson, preying on children and fools alike. His reflection on a mirror.
But the green-eyed beast proved to be a terrifying match.
Or, Kaz gets jealous.
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✦ kaz brekker x gn!reader | grishaverse
✦ tags: jealous kaz, lieutenant!reader, (kind of?) enemies to lovers, set sometime after the events of crooked kingdom
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"Brekker."
"Darling," KAZ drawled without looking up at your arrival, his tone more mocking than affectionate. "You're two bells late. Do you have the—"
A roll of parchment zipped through the air, landing in the middle of his desk with startling accuracy and ruining the neatly arranged blueprints spread atop it.
"I told you to quit calling me that," you muttered darkly. "One of these days, I'll really cut off your tongue."
He huffed, concealing his amusement. He enjoyed calling you all sorts of endearments after discovering how easily they riled you up.
There are times when Kaz allowed himself to feel, to act, like a boy again. Reconcile with a distant past, one that echoed Jordie's voice and carried the smell of fresh grass.
This was one of them. Similar to a child, Kaz reveled in your attention. Regardless if they came as threats, insults, or downright disdain.
He'd swallow a bullet first than ever admit it, though.
"How terrifying," he said, unfazed, and made swift work of straightening out the floor plan you brought him.
Silence fell, interrupted only by the soft shuffling of papers. From the corner of his eye, he noticed you shifting your weight from one foot to the other.
Normally, Kaz would come up with some sort of excuse to make you stay, but it seemed that something was on your mind.
And so, he waited.
You cleared your throat. "Do you need anything else?"
No, but thank you. You did well. Please, get some rest, his thoughts supplied. He ignored them. Instead, he simply settled on, "No."
His movements stilled. The question was unusual, especially coming from you.
"Nothing more, nothing less," you had once told him, seated on the ledge of a stadwatch tower that overlooked Ketterdam's shores. He'd nodded in agreement back then, mesmerized by the early sunlight that caressed your face.
You lived by the old saying for as long as Kaz has known you. After all, when you grew up in the Barrel, you'd learned early on that acting out of the goodness of one's heart only left a person broken. Penniless. Or worse, dead.
As such, you weren't the type to seek additional assignments without an offer beforehand. The fact that you had gone out of your way to ask was... suspicious.
His eyes finally flicked to yours. He could never afford to look at you for too long, as it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to stop once he started.
He cocked his head to the side and searched your gaze. "Why?"
You blinked, clearly caught off guard. He rarely indulged you in idle conversation or pried into your affairs.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Because despite everything you've been through together, this was the nature of your relationship too. Neither of you tried to change it, even after every scar he unraveled and laid at your feet.
Even after numerous nights spent confined in his office, shoulders almost, but never brushing one another as you pored over schemes for hours.
Even after repeatedly saving each other's necks and during the intimate silences that followed when the adrenaline wore off. Moments taut with charged tension, heaving breaths, and unspoken truths.
"I've got plans," you explained rather cryptically.
"Plans? Has someone else hired you for a job? I hope you don't forget that you belong to—"
"No, someone asked me out on a date."
Me, insisted the voice in his head, rich with desperation. You belong to me.
Kaz scoffed in disbelief. "A date? In Ketterdam?"
Fear clawed its way up his throat, determined to make itself known. It warred with another emotion he was too proud to name.
This... feeling was absurd. Sentimental. Kaz was no stranger to loss.
The seas granted Inej her freedom. A new chapter awaited Jesper and Wylan. Nina stumbled upon a second chance at love. Matthias found peace.
Yet, deep down, each farewell left him a little more empty than the last.
You were bound to Ketterdam only by virtue of being the Dreg's sole lieutenant. In truth, nothing else was preventing you from leaving.
Leaving him.
After promoting you, a tiny seed of guilt buried itself in his cold, wretched heart when he realized he held you back. That he never gave you the opportunity to pursue your dreams. Your position forced you to assume several roles, to fill in the shoes the others had given up.
But his greed outweighed his guilt and Kaz was a selfish man indeed.
The mere idea that someone could whisk you away from him brought forth a hateful bitterness from within.
"Where is the unfortunate fellow taking you?" he asked, keeping his voice deceptively calm.
You narrowed your eyes, ignoring the jibe. "It's a quaint little bar called 'none of your business.'"
Nothing more, nothing less. The phrase taunted him now. The green-eyed monster inside him rattled his ribcage ferociously, driving him to boast.
He curled his fingers around the desk's edge tightly. "Funny. I run the entirety of the Barrel, and I don't recall an establishment operating under that name."
"I'll have you know that he actually owns the place he's bringing me to," you snapped defensively.
Good, good. More information.
"And how long have you known each other?"
You shrugged. "A few weeks."
The answer relieved him somewhat. His possessiveness ebbs, its rhythm steady, before it swelled again, rising with the current of his emotions. One should always be more sure of everything. He'd learned that the hard way.
"And he's aware of who you truly are?" Kaz pressed on. "Of what you do?"
There were only a handful of possibilities. The person could have ulterior motives for approaching you. It wasn't unlikely, considering your power was only second to his.
Perhaps it was a spiteful soul he'd wronged, plotting to take advantage of you and get revenge on him.
On the other hand, there was also a chance that they weren't privy to your true identity. He couldn't blame anyone for wanting you but it was common knowledge whispered in the streets that Kaz Brekker was a man unwilling to share.
Anyone who didn't heed that advice and went against it anyway was just recklessly bold. Or stupid. The Barrel never seemed to run out of those.
This time, you broke away from his gaze. "It doesn't matter." You sniffed, feigning indifference.
The person didn't know then, he surmised. You probably met him during one of your undercover assignments, disguised and masquerading around with an alias.
Sensing his disapproval, you attempted to defend your date-to-be by adding, "He's kind. Sweet. Honest."
Everything he was not. The words, sharp as glass, ripped him apart. Crushed him with an overwhelming weight of sorrow.
"It seems naive of you to form an impression of him in such a short amount of time," he said through gritted teeth.
Pretending as if he didn't care should have been easy for him. Right now, all his years of experience in perfecting that charade were useless.
You rolled your eyes. "Not everyone is cynical and distrusting of the world like you. People can be good, Brekker."
And you deserved everything good and more. Better people could love you, he knew.
Someone who would not flinch every time you drew near. Someone who would freely kiss away your every fear.
Kaz had survived gunshots. Knife wounds. Sickness, nightmares, and grief. But the very thought of someone else soaking in your warmth was an ache he could not bear.
He felt the words scorching his tongue, his demons voicing them with unbridled cruelty. "There is a difference between being cautious and acting like a love-sick fool!"
Your eyes widened in shock, hardening in anger a second later; then they softened with disappointment, and all Kaz could see was the reflection of himself, a frenzied animal. A blown fuse. Inhumanely hollow.
He opened his mouth to speak, beg for your forgiveness, but you had already turned and walked away.
"I'll come back when you aren't hissing at me like a wet cat," you said, slamming the door behind you.
Kaz clenched his gloved hands into aching fists and hung his head, trying not to think of how jealous the idea of another man made him.
He wasn't too late. Dealing with his emotions was uncharted territory for him but scheming came as effortlessly as he breathed.
Kaz never lost a fight and he wasn't about to start now. Even if he needed to play dirty. His greed outweighed his guilt and he wasn't called Dirtyhands for nothing.
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"Brekker!"
Kaz had just finished speaking with another gang member, Roeder, when he heard the heavy stomp of your footsteps, followed by the frustrated yell of his name. You appeared on the stairway landing soon after, rage thundering in your wake.
"You're dismissed." Kaz waved to Roeder. His eyes shifted to you momentarily and cast Kaz a wary glance. Not wanting to get caught in the crossfire, he scurried off, slipping past the both of you.
Kaz began to ascend the stairs, you trailing behind him. He could sense that you were shooting daggers at the back of his head, probably cursing him out silently.
"You're back early," he finally said once you entered his office. He circled back to the same place you'd left him hours earlier and sat in his chair. "How'd the date go?"
You stormed closer, wedging yourself between him and the desk, stopping him from hiding behind the pretense of work.
"You know exactly how it went," you snarled.
In spite of your anger, you remembered to maintain your distance. Not once have you commented on his aversion to skin-to-skin contact, though he was certain you harbored your own questions.
"I'm afraid I don't, darling." He raised his chin to hold your gaze, his expression carefully blank. A tailored mask. "I wasn't there."
"You had him taken by the Dregs." The hurt on your face was unmistakable, enough for Kaz to feel a tad remorseful.
It was hardly sufficient, though. Screw righteousness, old habits die hard. "Ah, I had no idea he was your date," he lied again.
"Bullshit."
"But, what I do know is that he laundered money from our coffers and forced children into building the same tavern you were just in."
Kaz went over records of the jobs you'd accomplished in the last two months. After connecting the dots, he successfully identified your date and paid Roeder to look into his background. It was pure luck that the man was a merchant who managed to con Kaz's old boss.
Pulling the strings for his capture was practically child's play. Not that he'd ever tell you that.
Your fury dissipated, replaced by defeat that slumped your shoulders. "You were right," you said quietly, avoiding his eye once more. "I'm sorry."
Kaz rose from his chair and stepped forward. Taken by surprise, you backed away instinctively, only to find yourself trapped by the desk now digging into your hip.
"Let me make it up to you," he spoke with an unfamiliar softness. It almost sounded wrong.
You furrowed your brows in confusion. "What?"
"I ruined your evening. I could have ordered the others to seize him after you finished dinner."
But I didn't want him to walk you home. Wrap his coat around your shoulders. Kiss you goodnight at the Slat's doorstep. Kaz would've probably loaded his pistol at the sight. Broken every limb that touched you with his cane.
You snorted. "Okay. Are you going to give me whatever we steal next? Increase my cut?"
"No, although we can discuss it another time. I'm inviting you out on a date."
You blinked once. Twice. Slowly, you said, "Brekker, you ask someone out when you like them."
His lips pulled into the slightest frown, mildly impatient. "I know."
"You don't like me."
"Whoever put that silly idea in your head?"
"You did. You don't like anyone."
"I may not be the best at showing it, but you know that there are exceptions to that rule," he argued. "Especially when it comes to you."
He continued to lean over you, ignoring the pressure of panic beating against the walls of his chest from the proximity.
"You called me an idiot," you countered. You refused to move a muscle, most likely out of consideration for him, but he closed the distance himself.
He dipped his head further. "Again, I never said that."
"Fine," you conceded, sounding fond. "You implied that I was an idiot."
"I'll be kinder from now on," he promised. "I can try to be sweet, if you give me time and chance to learn. And I'm being honest right now."
Nothing he could do would ever atone for his sins. But although he was renowned as the Bastard of the Barrel, he was prepared to do it right by you.
Hesitantly, you raised a hand. Every inch of his flesh wanted to turn itself inside out, but every bone in his body yearned for your touch.
A quivering sigh escaped his throat as you reached for his cheek, your fingers warm and gentle on his skin.
He braced himself for the familiar scent of death. The ocean. He willed himself to focus on the details that made your face. The line of your jaw to your ear. The slope of your nose. The curve of your lips, hanging onto them as if his life depended on it.
It did, in a way.
"Your answer?" he rasped, suppressing a shiver.
You dragged your thumb against his skin in a delicate but paralyzingly manner and whispered, "I accept."
He had never been held with such tenderness before. Your touch made him feel like he was somewhere else, far from the memories that haunted him.
Growing concerned, you attempted to withdraw your hand but Kaz grasped your wrist before you fully could. He steadied himself with your pulse, each beat, each hymn, anchoring him to the present.
He was here. With you. In his office. Nothing in the world could hurt him.
Eventually, he slid his own gloved hand so that your palms pressed together. Your lashes fluttered and you asked, "Is this really happening? Are we really going on a date?"
He hummed in affirmation. "And I'll do it properly."
Seriously, who in their right mind would bring you to that side of Ketterdam? He took the sealed envelope containing your dinner reservation from inside his coat and handed it to you.
"Thank you." Your mouth curved into a shy smile. "And for the record... you don't have to be anything else other than yourself."
"Ruthless, callous, and dishonest cheat?" His voice held a hint of insecurity, betraying his attempted nonchalance. It was a question hauled from the inner depths of his soul, the boy inside him who wondered if he could ever be worthy of love.
"You forgot insufferable," you teased, although your earnest gaze belied the lightness of your tone. He knew you could see right through him. "But, yes. Just you, Kaz. Nothing more. Nothing less."
At that moment, Kaz knew you would be his salvation and destruction. You could shatter his heart and every single piece would still cry out for your name.
He squeezed your hand. Soon, he'll make you, and everyone else in the Barrel, realize that he had no intentions of ever letting you go.
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✦ byeol’s notes: new year, new fandom ?!
✦ reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated! thank you so, so much in advance! <3
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3K notes · View notes
stray-kaz · 1 year
Text
Memento Mori : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader oneshot
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A/N: A request! Thank you for this idea!
Summary: Reader is poisoned by a rival gang leader hoping to force Kaz to his knees by taking you down. Kaz is afraid and murderous, a fatal combination.
Reader’s nickname, because of her profession, is Bee. (And it’s just easier sometimes to allow use of some kind of name instead of being constantly vague).
Memento mori: remember you must die.
Warnings: Violence, blood, near death. Poisoning. Kaz near breaking point.
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Inej flew up the stairs in the Slat to Kaz’s quiet office, Jesper tearing after her, coattails flying out behind him. Matthias waited at the bottom of the flight, your limp, still form in his arms. Nina stood next to him, sweat beading on her forehead as she pressed both hands hard down against your heart.
“I am not a healer, I am not a healer, I am not a healer” she kept muttering.
“You’re all she has” Matthias reminded her gently. “Just keep going.”
Kaz looked up from the ledger he was filling in, irritation written all over his features, when Inej and Jesper burst in, panting. They had run all the way from the bottom of the Barrel.
“What is it?” he demanded.
“It’s Bee” Jesper managed to gasp out. “Talyss stung back.”
Kaz stood with such force his chair skidded away and toppled over. He grabbed his cane from its position leaning against his desk and pushed between Jesper and Inej, making his way down the stairs faster than they’d seen before.
He didn’t make a misstep and he didn’t stumble or fall, but when he saw you, Kaz wondered briefly if this was what death felt like. His hands shivered inside his gloves as he raised a hand to remove an errant curl from your forehead. Nina stared; it was the tenderest thing she had ever seen him do. He loved you.
“My room” Kaz rasped, and stepped aside so that Matthias could carry you upstairs, Nina edging along the banister so she could keep your heart going.
Inej was just finishing preparing Kaz’s bed when you were laid down gently on top of it. She covered up to your waist with a heavy blanket and Nina sank down beside you, her skirts rustling around her.
Kaz hovered like a ghost in the doorway of his own bedroom, watching your face, wan and lax. Your eyes rolled beneath their lids, and just as he was about to bite his tongue, come closer and hold your hand, Wylan skidded into the room and did just that. His knees slammed onto the wooden floorboards and, bright eyes wild, fluffy hair in disarray. He squeezed your hand and you whimpered, still unconscious.
Kaz took a threatening step into the room, but Jesper moved to block him, shaking his head firmly. Kaz glared at him, but for once, Jesper didn’t flinch.
“He’s her friend” he said quietly.
It was true, and Kaz knew it. Wylan was his chemist, bombmaker, demo man. And you were his poison maker, his sting, and the love of his abominable life. You worked with Wylan most days and were more now like brother and sister. He loved you, too.
Wylan looked up at Jesper then, an idea sparking in his eyes. 
“You can take the poison” he said, looking suddenly a little feverish himself.
Jesper glanced uneasily around the room as he suddenly felt all eyes on him. He rocked back on his heels, met Kaz’s implacable gaze.
“I’ve never done it” he beseeched, spreading his hands out wide. “This is what killed my mother, Kaz.”
He felt a tug on his hand and glanced down at Wylan.
“You wouldn’t need to take all of it, Jesper. She practices with poisons every day, taking small amounts to build up immunity, always with an antidote to hand. Tonight, you are the antidote. She just needs enough gone for her system to start fighting on its own” he told him.
Jesper looked at Kaz again; he said nothing. Jesper sighed quietly and gently nudged Inej out of the way so he could sit opposite Nina and clasp your other hand. He closed his eyes and concentrated, feeling his way along the channels of your veins, almost able to taste the metals in your blood.  Fine dark veins rose on the back of your hand and your eyes flew open to stare at Jesper. You tried to pull your hand away, but he held fast, swallowing hard against the pain.
Kaz’s jaw clenched so tight he thought he felt a tooth crack when your first cry rent the air. Tears spilled over your lashes and onto your cheeks, and you tried again and again to pull away from Jesper, but he was stronger than you and could sense the end of it.
Wylan held tightly to your other hand and Matthias stood sentinel behind him, a stony set to his jaw, though his eyes were worried. Kaz had never seen you cry tears of pain. He had never heard the animal sounds wailing out of you, howling at the walls and the window. He had never seen you break.
He tightened his grip on his cane. He was going to find Talyss and his band of thugs, beat him nearly to his grave and then pour his poison down his throat to send him the rest of the way.
As he turned to leave, he felt a hand lightly brush his sleeve and looked to see Nina. He raised his eyebrows impatiently, waiting.
“Bee is strong enough” Nina said steadily. “There is hope for her, Kaz.”
He merely shook off her hand and spoke over his shoulder as he walked away.
“Hope is dangerous, Nina.”
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As Dirtyhands made his way to the bottom of the Barrel, gutter dwellers avoided eye contact and leapt out of his way, edging back into the shadows. He heard the whispers as he passed, cold fury and determination disguising his limp. There were those nearby him who knew why he was there and those who had no idea and were terrified to see him. Either way, both types of people hid their faces and did their best to remain undetected.
The door to Talyss Novak’s converted warehouse was locked, which didn’t surprise or deter Kaz. Normally, he’d go quiet and careful, but tonight he didn’t care for quiet or careful. He didn’t reach for his lockpicks, he simply hefted his cane in both hands and swung it at the door handle. It crunched under the weight of the crow’s head and the inner lock clattered onto the floor on the other side.
Kaz pushed the door out of his way with the toes of one shoe and stepped across the dark threshold, cane still gripped tightly in one fist. His other hand had slipped into his pocket, gloved fingers tightening slightly around the vial of poison he had picked up from the workshop you shared with Wylan along the way. He had no idea if it was the same poison or what it did, but judging by the thick red “!!!” on the white label, it would hurt.
A hand landed on his shoulder and he twisted out from under it, wrenching slightly but not caring. He swung the cane like a truncheon and felt something give wetly under his strength. There was a strangled scream and then they all came out of nowhere, trying their best to take down the bastard of the Barrel. But Kaz would not be taken anywhere tonight. He could smell blood, and he wanted it all, the sounds of your pain still ringing in his ears.
When there were bodies heaped around his feet, some still and noiseless, some groaning pitifully, he reached down and grabbed the coat collar of the most alive one. He moved in nice and close, face blood stained and dripping.
“Your boss” he hissed, teeth bared. “Now.”
A weak hand pointed towards a twisting stair shaped shadow and Kaz dropped him back to the hard concrete floor and stepped away, the men already forgotten.
The staircase was quiet and he could hear the soft sound of blood on his glove slipping on his heavy cane. He reached the top and moved silently along the landing, again reaching for the poison in his trouser pocket. A door at the furthest end of the hallway stood ajar. His instincts screamed that the worst of Novak’s men would be behind that door, but he could not bring himself to care. They would all die.
As he approached the dark side of the door, he heard his name spoken.
“Brekker.”
The door swung open and a single lone man appeared, backlit by the interior. With a flick of his thumb, Kaz released the tiny vial stopper and circled finger and thumb around the glass neck.
“How’s your girlfriend? Still breathing? Or dead as a dormouse?”
Kaz walked forward slowly, clenching his teeth against the pain of hiding his limp. Peripheral room checks told him he was alone with Talyss. The man was a maniac, or stupid. Kaz was betting on the latter.
“Did you really think you could take me down by removing my sting? Novak, I don’t need anyone. You made a mistake thinking that I do.”
“Then why’re you here, Dirtyhands?”
“To make you pay for that mistake.”
Kaz decided to temporarily forgo use of his cane; instead he struck with his other hand, shoving the vial with its contents into Novak’s mouth, swallowing hard against the bitter bile that rose in his throat as his gloved hand forced the man’s jaw up and shut and he heard the splintering of glass plink against his teeth. 
Novak screamed through closed lids, Kaz’s hand tightening even harder. Thirty seconds dripped past and Novak finally wrenched himself away, opening his mouth to spit glass and a damp pinkish mist. He coughed, choking, and Kaz realised enough glass had been inhaled to perforate his lungs. Talyss Novak was drowning in his own blood, before the poison even did its work.
Kaz helped him along a little; he lifted his cane and lightly prodded the older man in the centre of his chest with the solid flat end. It didn’t take much prodding before he was flat on his back on the cold rough concrete, rasping blood soaked air in through piecemeal lungs.
Kaz stepped closer and leaned over him, watching until his eyes started to stare and his chest stopped spasming. Then he turned and walked out the way he came, blood and fear pounding in his ears.
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When Kaz finally staggered back in through the doorway of his bedroom in the Slat, he saw you sitting up in his bed, leaning heavily against Jesper’s chest but rosy cheeked, damp hair sticking to your forehead. Your eyes were opioid bright, glossy and damp looking, but they focused on him with the ferocity he was used to, and something loosened inside his chest. He opened his mouth, and what came out surprised all of them, but most of all him.
“Please.”
Nina held you up while Jesper eased out from behind you, then plumped several pillows up behind your back and shoulders. Inej briefly touched your shoulder and Wylan blew you a kiss. Nina leaned hard on Matthias as they walked out of the room, followed by the other three.
Alone finally, Kaz shed his cane and coat and almost collapsed onto the bed next to you. He retained his gloves, which you understood; in your current state, sweating and clammy, the touch of your skin on his would remind him too much of Jordie. But he wrapped his arms around you, drawing you down onto his chest, and held on as tightly as he thought you could cope with. 
You sighed.
“Is the problem dealt with?” you asked quietly, your voice sounding uncomfortable and hoarse.
Kaz scoffed a chuckle and nodded.
“Yes. The problem is dealt with. No more stinging the stinger.”
“Good. ‘Cause it pretty much sucks.”
Kaz tipped your chin up slightly so he could see your eyes, his expression serious.
“You will improve your immunity” he said, a statement and not a question. “I do not want to do that again.”
What he meant was: I will not survive your near death again. If you die, I will also.
You gazed back at him and nodded.
“I will” you promised. “Never again, Kaz.”
He nodded back, leaned his head on the wall of pillows and closed his eyes, settled for now with the knowledge of you safe in his arms.
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Tagging: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r​ 
1K notes · View notes
redamancyys · 1 year
Text
Three Moments - Kaz Brekker
SUMMARY ◆ Three moments in which Kaz shows his love for you.
WARNING(S) ◆ fluff, implied smut, unedited, me word vomiting.
WORDS ◆ 2k
»»————- ✼ ————-««
You were certain that you were always meant to burn together. To love him was to love the hot embers of a forest fire, pressing your hands farther and farther into the flames no matter how much your body screamed to let go. It was all consuming, a love that suffocated you like smoke and left you burning for days. He was always burning, and sometimes you wondered if you just got caught up in the flames. Heartstrings woven together, not sure if you were the anchor or he was . . . Saints, who were you kidding? He definitely was not the anchor. 
It took him a long time to understand that he needed you. 
He was the bastard of the Barrel, unafraid of getting his hands dirty because he hid under a pair of gloves. On his worst days when he came home, they were caked with dirt, dust, and blood. It wasn’t his blood, he rarely had a cut on him. Most of the times when you stayed up until he returned, he would glance in your direction, give you a small nod, and make his way up to his room at the tallest point in the Slat. The next morning he never acknowledged it. His hair was slicked back, porcelain skin perfectly clean on his face and his gloves were as well. Fine, black leather worn down on the fingertips in the same places he gripped his cane. You wondered why he never let even those closest to him see him in any way disheveled. You didn’t understand the danger of looking weak the way he did. It wasn’t your fault, no one had ever understood what he had been through. Not that they ever could know anyway.
One night you were awake once again, making an excuse that you couldn’t sleep and had to make tea, though many knew that you stayed up until all members of the Crows were back home. You sat in the corner, a favorite book in hand and sipping on some mix of tea when you heard the door open and you thought for a moment your eyes were playing tricks on you. Because there he stood, cuts on his face and parts of his shirt ripped off at the arms. He was beaten, bloody, unlike anything you had ever seen before. He stood there, looking at you, watching as you took another sip and waited for him to go up the stairs like he always did. But this time he kept standing there, watching, as if he was waiting for your attention. He glanced over at the box on the table where you all kept bandages, and then back at you. 
Soon enough you were both sitting at the table, you were reaching for the tiny bottle of alcohol and white wrap up bandages. 
“Who was it this time?” You asked, dumping a cloth in a water bowl to clean his wounds. He looked at you, as if to say, it doesn’t matter. Though you kept pressing on, your eyes peered into his coffee brown ones, eyebrow popping up in question. “I waited up for you, which means you can’t keep any secrets from me, Kaz Brekker.” 
His name seemed to pop him out of his thoughts, pushing him back to reality in which he was there, sitting with you, rather than in the future thinking about plans or in the past pondering about the people he’s lost. Kaz glanced down at his gloved hands and then turned his attention back to you, watching your face carefully. 
“Someone didn’t pay me back for a favor,” He said. “It wasn’t an easy confrontation but it’s over now.” 
That was all you needed. You knew it was all you would get right now. Empty words were his forte that no matter how long you spent trying to read in between the lines of his metaphors and hyperboles, you were left feeling more confused than how you began. It took you so long to understand that it wasn’t about what he said, it was what he did. He never told any of the members of his crew how much they mattered to him, how important it was that they stuck around. In fact, sometimes you wondered if anyone mattered to Kaz Brekker, or if he was destined to keep himself alone, closed off, coldhearted. 
Your hand with the towel came up to his face and he flinched, making you falter for a single second. You waited for him to say something, but it never did, and you finished your motion by slowly wiping away the dried blood from the cut on his face. It wasn’t deep, it wouldn’t scar, and for some reason that made you glad. He would still look pristine in the morning, with a little help from you. You wondered if this is what he did alone in his room when he came back, healed wounds that never saw the light of day. Some part of you wished that he would show this side of him more often, the one that was vulnerable. Both of you stayed silent while you wiped the blood away and bandaged up your arm, though soon enough he was on his way back to his room, leaving you downstairs. 
~
You two took care of each other. It took until a heist went wrong that you saw that for sure. Too many things were against the group that day. Jesper’s guns stopped working when he had to take a critical shot, Nina was almost taken hostage . . . You yourself had suffered a striking blow to the stomach, becoming winded and almost passing out from lack of oxygen. Everyone ran away, knowing to meet up later at the Crow Club when they got the opportunity. You ran into an alley, head spinning, gasping for air as you leaned against a wall. Men ran past, most likely looking for you and your partners, though were not smart enough to look down the dark alley to their right. You could barely walk, knowing that several of your ribs had to be broken. 
“You need to keep moving,” A voice spoke from behind, startling you enough to grab the gun from your belt and aim it in the direction of the voice. Your eyes caught up with your target and realized it was Kaz, able to sneak up on you because he was without his cane for the blown heist. “Guards are looking all over for us.” 
You huffed, shaking your head. You couldn’t do it. All you wanted to do was lay there until you got better, not caring about the dirt and grime on the ground. When you tried to walk it felt like someone was stabbing you in the lungs, you stumbled a little and would’ve fallen if Kaz’s hands hadn’t grabbed you and kept you upright. 
Your vision was spotty as you both stumbled out of the alley, slowly making your way back. “I can’t do this,” You said, tears welling up in your eyes. “It hurts so much, Kaz, it hurts.” You were rarely this emotive, you were the glue of the group, keeping everyone together even through the toughest of times. Everyone always came to you, you’re the strongest one of them all. Every single second you wondered if your caved in ribs would puncture one of your organs and this would be your last day. Your last time with the people you cared so much about. The world was spinning, but Kaz’s arms and touch brought you back to reality, and soon enough you were within feet of the Crow Club and you collapsed, letting the darkness consume your mind. 
It was a few hours before you woke up in your room, opening your eyes to the soft glow of a candle near your bed. The softness of your blanket gave comfort, though the moment of relief that you were alive seemed to wash away as the pain came back to reality, a bandage wrapped around your torso that impeded your motion. 
For the next couple of days you were in and out of consciousness, Inej came to visit you a lot in order to give you food and some company, sometimes Jesper would tell you about his day and about Wylan. But still no sign of Kaz. You hadn’t seen him since he had brought you back to safety. At first you thought nothing of it, though the idea that he was avoiding you began to boil and fester, leading you to question Jesper the next time he arrived in your room with tea in hand. 
“I understand that comfort isn’t his thing, but I thought that Kaz would at least come and visit once,” You stated to Jesper, sucking in your bottom lip whilst moving to sit up, minding the tiny pain in your chest. 
Jesper’s eyes widened, shaking his head a tiny bit in a way that made you think he was hiding something from you. You gave him a puzzled look, urging him to speak his thoughts to you. 
“He’s been sitting outside of your door every chance he gets. I thought you knew.”
~
His kisses were soft despite his tough exterior, but they were not without intention. Every time his lips made contact with a piece of your skin you could feel his want, his desire, like he couldn’t get enough of you no matter how hard he tried. It was like you were his church and he was on his knees, praying for forgiveness for his sins, praying to your body that he worshipped unlike all the faceless saints in the world. Your hands collided with his hair, intertwining the soft locks of dark brown and pulling on it, pulling him closer. 
He would only kiss you in the confines of the Crow Club, where others couldn’t see. It bothered you at first, wondering if he didn’t want others to see that underneath all the cold and hard exterior he put towards the world: Dirtyhands could love. But that was just the thing, he didn’t want any of his enemies to come for you like he knew that they would. He didn’t want to put you in the face of danger anymore than you already did for him on a daily basis. To love him was to have a target on your back. 
At this point you knew of his aversion to touch, how his brother died, how it pained him to feel the skin of another upon his own. Instead of pulling away from his scars like he thought you would, you brought him closer, vowing that you understood, that you were sorry, that you would do whatever you could to make him feel better. Kaz thought for so long that he was a monster, and that may be true, but you weren’t a child, you weren’t afraid of the darkness that he had enveloped himself in for so long. You were willing to love him for who he was, no matter how much he tried to hide you from his truths. 
He could handle your kisses, finding solace in your mouth, the way it tasted like warm tea and the softness of your lips. And he accepted your small touches, starting slowly with tracing your fingers across his skin. You felt along his veins, taking extra care with his scars, pressing a kiss on the ones that looked particularly new. His gloves would come off and he would do the same to you. Eventually more clothes came off, more skin against skin. He found solace again in your tiny sighs and moans that left your lips when he kissed there and there . . . and especially there. Neither of you had ever surrendered yourself to another person in this way, it was intimate and sent you both over the moon. It was just you both, alone in either of your rooms, loving each other no matter what. 
After both of you would lay in one another's arms, the glow of the candlelight enveloping both of your bodies. There wasn’t much talking, maybe some if there was something particularly on either of your minds. You idly traced patterns on his skin, comforting him when he flinched, reminding him that you were there. He would be okay. 
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alpurrtwhizkersss · 1 year
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Omg you're taking six of crows requests?!?
Can I get a Kaz x fem!reader where the two of them are a couple (or trying to be) like Kaz is less snappy towards her, they're working on his touch aversion and everything.
But then on a heist gone wrong reader is hurt/stabbed/shot and falls into the Harbour, and Kaz is terrified because of the water but he's more terrified of losing his girl and he realizes that none of the other crows will reach her in time so he dives into the water to save her and when he drags her back onto the dock they just hug each other and the reader is apologizing for ruining the heist, Kaz is just holding her tightly and telling her it's ok, she's safe and that's how the rest of the crows find them, curled up at the end of the dock. Maybe some soft kisses?
Kaz trying to deal with his trauma in ways like this makes me happy
His Star
Requested By:  anonymous!
Warnings: Drowning, reader gets stabbed in the arm, Kaz deals with some trauma flashbacks/anxiety, possibly OOC Kaz.
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Prompt: None
She/Her pronouns used to refer to reader.
Author’s Note:
hey!! sorry this one took so long, I haven't written for Kaz for a WHILE so I hope this meets your request!
Word Count: 1321
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Kaz loved you.
Or, at least, you thought he did. He had never told you explicitly, but then, the ruthless young man had never told many people of his affections for them, choosing instead to close himself off to the world instead of facing his feelings.
Despite the mask he put over his emotions every day, you could still tell he loved you through the way he treated you, how he didn’t snap at you like he snapped at the other crows, and the way he looked at you.
Oh, how he looked at you.
Kaz Brekker looked at you as though he was a tired man, bound to the ground of the earth, weak and broken, and you were a star in the dark, endless sky waiting to lead him home, your brightness and your beauty incomparable to anything else.
There were many times Kaz had wanted to touch you, to reach his gloved hand out and graze it against your cheek, or to squeeze your thigh for comfort as you sat beside him, but he couldn’t. He feared that if he did, it would bring everything back. Bring Jordie’s death back. And the possibility was too painful to try.
You understood, of course, you would never push him to do anything he didn’t want to, so you left it alone. You never asked, you barely even thought, because even the idea of making Kaz uncomfortable or upset made guilt squeeze your heart sharply. You would listen if he brought up the idea, but you’d never do it yourself. You’d never put that burden on him over something he couldn’t control.
So you made do with what you had, you loved him in other ways, helping him with planning heists, gathering information to make his job easier, making sure he ate, checking up on him every so often (despite his protests), giving him small smiles across the Crow Club when you could see he was getting frustrated. Little things that made your presence known, but that didn’t intrude too much on his life, and you were happy that way.
“Y/N!” Jesper’s voice broke your thoughts as you slid down the rain-soaked tiles of the building you were scaling, landing gracefully on your feet as you shot along the gutter at the bottom and leaped onto the next one.
“What?” You yelled, hoping he would catch it over the raging wind, but all you heard in response was silence, and you realised you could no longer hear the cracking of his boots against the tile. 
Risking a look behind you, you caught your gaze on Jesper’s long figure clambering back up the roof, two others, Inej and Wylan, caught your eye as well, though, where Kaz was you had no idea, and you skidded to a halt, stopping for a moment as you watched the security of the bank you’d just attempted to rob begin gaining on you, their yells rising far above the torrential weather, you watched the other Crows running along the top of the roof, you only caught on to why they were doing this as you turned back, and felt a swift, violent pain crash through your upper arm, you let out an ear piercing scream as the shock and pain overwhelmed you, making your vision blur and your knees buckle underneath you. Almost as soon as you made a noise, you heard Jasper’s pistols shoot rounds into your attacker’s body, quickly able to take out some other guards from his high-up position, yet nobody came to save you as your body tumbled into the freezing harbour water that cascaded against the walls of the bank.
Kaz yelled your name as he watched you disappear off the side of the roof and into the waters below. He had already chosen to stay behind when he realised that you had not heard Jesper’s call to retreat upwards, and he thanked the Saints that he did when he began racing towards the edge of the roof, still screaming your name as he searched for your body in the blackness beneath him.
For the first time in a while, Kaz took a sharp, relieved inhale at the sight of your head poking above the water, and soon your arms came thrashing with it.
As you caught sight of Kaz, you began yelling, mostly unintelligible words, but he heard his name ring in his ears, and he swore he felt his heart tear itself out of his chest when he recognised the fear in your voice.
The fear in your voice that brought him back to that night. With Jordie. Jordie and the boat. And the eerie silence only broken every so often by the groans of the wood and the shifting of clothes against the bodies of the victims that the plague had so cruelly taken.
No. Kaz scolded himself. Stop. Stop, you have to help Y/N. She’ll die if you don’t help her.
He didn’t give himself time to think again before throwing himself into the freeze after you, and almost immediately he felt the same horrible effect that he felt that night with Jordie begin to take hold.
He pushed through it as he kept his mind on you. He couldn’t let you die.
If you died, he didn’t know what he would do with himself, he likes to tell himself that he could get through anything. That grief didn’t affect him anymore.
But with you? You were his star, and if you weren’t there anymore, his sky would go dark.
Kaz could hear your sobs echoing through the night air as he pulled himself through the current and closer to you. Almost as soon as he touched your skin with his gloved hands, he had to stop himself from letting the panic take over, soon becoming grounded once again by your whimpers and pleas for help.
“C-come here, Y/N.” He stammered out, the temperature of the water mixed with the adrenaline coursing through his veins making his speech slurred and awkward as he pulled you towards his chest.
You soon found yourself approaching the harbour, and Kaz made it his first priority to hoist your body up onto the wooden decking, quickly pulling himself up after.
As soon as you were safely out of the water, you backed yourself up against a wall, leaning to the side to cough up what you’d managed to inhale during your panic. Kaz soon made his way over to you, rubbing your back gently as you grasped the wall for support, before falling back against it, still shaking with the sobs that left your lips. You soon felt Kaz move his hand hesitantly to the back of your neck, before taking a deep breath and pulling you in closer to him, holding you tightly.
“I’m sorry…” You cried, taking the collar of his soaked jacket into your hands as he shushed you. “I’m so, so sorry, Kaz, I- I ruined everything. I’m so useless-” You buried your head in his jacket as he shook his head, staring down at you with as serious a stare as he could manage, despite his heart rate going at 30 miles per hour.
“No, no, Y/N, stop it. You didn’t ruin the heist. It was doomed from the start, it was a stupid idea anyway. All that matters is that you’re safe, do you understand me? You’re alright, and you’re with me, and nothing’s going to happen to you.” Kaz’s voice managed to soothe your racing heart and mind, and your gentle nods soothed his own as he dared to press a gentle kiss to your lips.
That was how the Crows found you both that night. Kaz wrapped protectively around you, every so often placing gentle kisses to your hair, and you, his star, encased safely in his arms, having never felt so much love from anybody in your life.
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thesuntomyshadows · 3 months
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Y/N: Kaz has about twenty different ways of rolling his eyes that all mean something different.
Kaz: *Rolls his eyes*
Y/N: See that was disgruntled agreement.
Kaz: *Rolls his eyes again but with a slight smile*
Wylan: And that?
Y/N: He's mildly impressed.
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