#sorry this was so long lmao I legit spent 2 hours on this

[tendercoretroglodyke]

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show. 

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment. 

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute. 

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

#sorry this was so long lmao I legit spent 2 hours on this #I have 2 modes: not doing the thing and overdoing the thing #hey anon if you actually see this I'd appreciate a quick message saying so lmao I'd hate to write all this only for you to miss it #I'll probably rb sometime tomorrow at least #also liz if you're reading this i was GONNA add a bit about francis' gay potential like you mentioned but I ran out of steam so remind me t #i think reese has the most gay potential tho #mitm #malcolm in the middle #anonymous #Anonymous

[klarolinedrabbles]

What are some of the tvd to fandoms greatest hits so to speak... I was only in it for a short time and then jumped out because I couldn't stand to

Oh, well allow me to be your guide. This will be under a read more because I already know, I’m gonna write a whole essay. Shout out to my ride or die @hellsbellschime.

I don’t think any overtly crazy happened during the good!TVD years. No wait, I’m lying.

The year the spin-off got announced, I believe it was tvguide, that posted an article with like info tidbits for currently airing shows. And one of them, was that Hayley was pregnant with Klaus’ kid. I remember this shit so clearly, man. Everyone was so confused. And then they were like SURPRISE, APRIL FOOLS. Because it was in fact April 1st. So ha-ha we all had a laugh, great. Fastforward to what, late April? Episode 4x20 airs, and it’s exactly what happened???

That whole day btw, the day the backdoor pilot for TO aired was just insanity. I’ll say that about a lot of days in this answer, but that day was really just something else. Like we were delirious, that’s the only way I can explain what happened on here. It was a nightmare but also one of the funniest night’s I’ve ever spent on here. I gotta go back for old time’s sake and reblog some of the shit from that night because we all snapped. And not in the good way. 

The TVD 100th. Now, we knew Joseph was coming back for that episode so they hype was real. Because up until that point, we’d gotten a huge load of nothing in regards to Klaroline. They released a trailer, a short one, that’s still in my favorites folder on youtube to this day. I rewatch it all the time because it’s iconic. And there was literally .002 seconds of Klaroline. It’s Caroline standing and then Klaus says “hello, caroline” and everyone lost their shit so much when it dropped that ‘hello caroline’ trended ww on twitter. 

THE DAY THE NETWORK THAT AIRED TVD IN AUSTRALIA AIRED A PROMO WITH THE KLAROLINE KISS IN 5X11. ICONIC. I literally woke up, logged on at around 11 AM my time, and my dashboard was on fire. It was the BEST. We didn’t know wtf to do, it was amazing. 

Paleyfest. Ohhhh buddy, lemme tell ya. So TVD/TO got chosen to have the CW panel’s at Paleyfest that year. Everyone was on a bit of edge because TO to that point was what, almost done with S1 and Klaroline had been given the mega cold-shoulder despite being the very thing other than the Mikaelson’s that got used to lure people in? After the pregnancy plot from hell, everyone was ready to peace tf out, but we got halted because it was a ‘ohh of course it’s gonna continue’ then they tried to nip Klaroline in the bud with 5x11 and no one was having it. So Paleyfest was where we were gonna get some ANSWERS, DAMMIT. I live on the east coast and the festival was held in the west coast so I wasn’t awake when it was happening. I remember making a post about how ‘going to sleep, and hoping when I woke up the answers were good.’. So I went to sleep, woke up a few hours later like 2-3 AM my time, and checked my blog and the first message I had was ‘don’t wake up stephanie, everything is a mess, stay asleep where everything’s fine’ I—

The gist of that was, they basically set JoMo up to be the bad-cop in shutting down Klaroline. He gave this long answer that made absolutely zero sense. The girl who asked the question about Klaroline, who was like 13 at the time, got called a bully for even asking a question at an event she paid to be at. A mess. And JP was like NO CROSSOVERS, ORGANIC, BLAH BLAH. And Paul was sitting next to her going “why can’t the show’s just intersect”, he was right and he said it. 

I can’t remember if this was S1 or S2, but somebody tweeted something and Carina replied ‘when you’re found dead in your basement with klaroline written on you this is why’ or something like that, that was a ~fun~ night. And then like half an hour later she was like “I’m sorry, I’ll never tweet about Klaroline again just leave me alone” if you’ve ever seen this fandom refer to ourselves as basement dwellers, this night is why. 

NARDUCCI. Can’t forget him. Talk about a man who just didn’t get it. And I don’t mean Klaroline, he just didn’t get anything, nothing in his head has ever clicked, I’m convinced. He used to pick fights on twitter repeatedly. Admitted once that he missed his flight because he was on twitter…arguing with a fan. AND ONE DAY, he decided to just—snap. Went on this hours long tirade against the Klaroline fandom, essentially calling everyone stupid because no one was appreciating the ‘art’ of the show. So when I say it lasted hours, I mean that. Now, you’d think, that he would be done, right? WELL, apparently that wasn’t enough, so the next day, he continued. I remember because I was in this gc on whatsapp, and I remember Erika sending a message to the gc going “omg, Narducci vs KCers round 2″ when I tell you I screamed. The man went on a two-day rampage against this fandom and it was insane. 

S6/S2 of TVD/TO was not a fun time. I can genuinely say it was borderline a chore to come on here during that time. It wasn’t fun, every day someone was in argument with someone from production on twitter. Truly the worst year of the fandom, imo. So S7/S3 rolls around and that’s where shit went nuclear. 

Hillary and I, are minding our own damn business, when someone come’s to us with information regarding the new seasons. This was post-SDCC, so it’s like the lull of September, waiting for the seasons to start in October. And we get approached with information, talkin bout how Caroline’s gonna be pregnant with Alaric’s twins in S7. When I tell you we didn’t know wtf to do. And we had to like wait on confirmation about it but then we found out it was legit and we were pissed. Literally ask us if we wanted to be in the spoiler game, the answer is no tf we did not. And she and I basically spent two days complaining. LIKE UGHHHH WE DON’T WANNA DO THIS, BUT ALSO THIS IS DISGUSTING, WE CAN’T JUST LET THEM SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE, BUT AGHH WHY US. So we chose collectively, as a duo, because das my other half yo, to blab. 

That went over as best as anyone could hope for it to go. Now, flashforward yet again, this time to around late Novemeber/December. I had been sent word that something was going down. TVD/TO lost their Thursday slots and got bumped to Friday’s, so a plan was going on, and they made one. We’d heard that they were rearranging something mid-season because they were gonna make a crossover work, publicly we found out it would be Paul and JoMo that crossover back-to-back. THEN ONE NIGHT—I call it black friday bc  that day was a fucking mess—, a friend of mine was friends with an SCer, I wanna say, and she was hearing word that the crossover did have Klaus and Caroline interact via phone call, but that it was very definitively an ending. Because they spoke about Camille and Stefan, etc, etc. Like a closing of the book type thing. So okay, we were like devastated, everyone on twitter was losing their shit. Everyone was pissed, and @-ing the writers all these crazy, sad things, we were a wreck. Ask Hillary about this night because she, I remember, describes it as ‘logging on and reading what everyone else had and not understanding why tf everyone was mad about it’. It was the first and last time that our roles were reversed, and bless her for it. 

SO WE’RE SITTING THERE, it’s Saturday, and we kept getting more information and we were like…something isn’t right here. So we did a bit of digging, spoke to a few people and waited it out. LO AND BEHOLD, everything we’d heard about the phone call was false. There was a phone call but the CKers and SCers were so mad about what was actually said in it, that a few of em, ring leaders of the feeble minded, made up a version and passed it around their fandoms as legit till it eventually worked it’s way over to us. So we all jumped the gun on fake information, lmfskdnknsks. Rumor has it, you can still hear Hillary yelling ‘I told you so’ at me through our group chat. 

So all was well, I couldn’t tell everyone why not to panic, just that they didn’t need to. Until, this account popped up called tvdspoiler or something on twitter, also saying false information about the phone call. Sending everyone into a panic yet again. I remember this because I was at  kmart with my mom, and the kmart by my house was in a basement so I had no cell service. I was able to send like a couple of messages, and was basically like ‘tell everyone to chill, I’ll clear it up when I get home’ did that in like a couple of hours cause then I had to leave to the midnight showing of the force awakens with my friends. So that day was chaotic, but fun. It was the first time I reached 99+ messages on my inbox, lmao. 

So that all happened like a good while before we actually saw the episode. But cut to a few weeks later. I woke up at 1 AM my time to drink water, was on tumblr trying to go back to sleep. I checked my inbox and there was this bizarre message talking about ‘got some scoop’ and they were like ‘Finn dies in 3x17, Aurora gets put into some weird sleeping spell in 3x18, Camille and Davina die in 3x19, Lucien dies in 3x20′ and I quite literally laughed??? Literally who wouldn’t. Like who tf would ever believe TO had the balls to do all of that when they never killed anyone off. AND, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST STOP BY, SHARE IT AND LEAVE. So I sent a screenshot to Hillary and was like ‘yo did you get this because wtf’. We often got duplicate messages. And we often got messages of people who were pissed about the two previous times we, from the klaroline fandom of all places, had legit info that wound up being true, that they were just waiting for us to fuck up. So we used to get messages of people pretending they were sharing info, and it was just antis trying to make us look stupid. 

SO, Hillary says ‘just answer it because it’s obviously fake’ top ten moments before disaster. I answer it and am like oh haha, and where did that info come from. And they came back like a minute later, saying ‘I have a source’ THEN THEY ELABORATED. They mentioned that Lucien drags Freya and Vincent to Mystic Falls to do this spell with some bullet and etc. So at that point we were like fUCK because that same day we’d found out was in 3x16, which ended with Lucien and this white-oak bullet, having kidnapped Freya. And that’s when we knew, that someone showed up in the middle of the night, spoiled the whole back-half of TO S3—and then left.

The back-half of S3 was so fun??? Every week the info just kept coming true. On the wikia everyone hated me, probably the most anti messages I ever had was during that time, honestly it was great, 10/10 would recommend. 

THEN, at some point in our blog history, Hillary had been getting quite a few messages about PT. And she had this fucking line in one of the messages about Phoebe’s pronunciation with her accent for the show, or lack thereof. And she said “weeches and woves will always have a place in my heart” SO THEM PHOEBE TWEETED IT. THAT EXACT LINE, and we were like was she...? So we shrugged off okay. A few days later, she tweeted “hellsbellschime enough, there’s plenty of other things to watch on tv, I hear mad men’s great.” And I—

THIS WAS ON SOME RANDOM ASS SUNDAY. Like I was lounging around, waiting for the new episode of game of thrones and then WHAM, chaos. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH, Leah joined in too. Putting a target on my friends back...about her blog that no one was making them read. You can’t make that shit up. And Jenn actually replied to Phoebe’s tweet and got a reply back, and she was all “you’re right, I’m sorry” and then deleted the original tweet, which I still have a screenshot of btw. And then Leah showed up in Hillary’s inbox with this ridiculous three part ask about how she shouldn’t criticize women in the acting industry because of how hard it is for women in that industry which is true, but it doesn’t make you exempt from criticism??? So not sure where she meant to go with that one.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT, our fandom’s greatest hits. I’m sure I can elaborate and insert more, but I’ve been typing for a good 40 minutes. 

Told ya, I wrote a whole dissertation, lmaooo.

#Stephanie talks fandom #klaroline #Anonymous

[guns-n-zeppelin]

Never Say Die - 1989-1997

@lauravic asked: Hey! I just binged Never Say Die and loved it and it’s really unfortunate that it’s discontinued. Could you maybe tie it up for me and everyone else and maybe tell us just key events of what was gonna happen? Like did Axl and Amy ever figure things out and end up together? Or what you meant in the beginning of the series when Axl said that “Amy died in 1997”. Just key points to rest our minds? If not, then it’s completely fine, I just had to try and ask. I love your stuff btw

Masterlist - Never Say Die

A/N: Sure thing, love. I’ve been meant to do this actually for a long time but lmao i’m lazy af. Also, sorry i took so long to answer haha. Hope i’ll let y’all out of your sufferings now. It would have been great to finish this honestly but i’m too unmotivated to do anything pfft. Also don’t have time but uhuh. ALSO i haven’t updated this legit in 2 years probably and still i get almost every day notes to this story and the chapters, i thought at this point this would have been long forgotten or something. Wild. I’m really glad and flattered how many of you have liked my story, it always brightens my day a lot to hear positive comments :’) But i think this has atleast some of the main / biggest key events that would happen. I’m not sure if i forgot couple of them or something, but here’s some atleast. I mean, 8 years is quite a long time but khgjlh. These are just like, the biggest probs. This is reallyy shortly explained but i hope you’ll get some kind of picture of the future events.  I’m rly bad at summarising (is that a word) things, but let me know what you think for the last time ahah. But thank you again, everyone, for reading my stories :’) I truly appreciate it! Hugs <3

Quick Summary

Dave and Amy weren’t dating and neither were Axl and Erin, even though some time later Axl would end up back together with Erin again for a while. Amy and Axl took distance to each other, though Amy still kept seeing with the other guys. Some weeks passed and Amy and Axl went back to being friends, both of them managing to pretend that nothing had happened.

Amy had done some studies about journalism for some time, also before her death in her ‘original life’, and in 1989 went all the way to London for one year to try to finish them. So she ended up moving there, saying it was just one year. They would still keep in touch somewhat regularly, although it was pretty hard. After her studies, Amy got an offer of a permanent job as a journalist in London, which she took and ended up staying there much longer.

In 1990 Amy started dating a man named Adam, a young police officer, who she would later marry and have a child with as well in 1994.

Also, in the beginning of 1991, Amy met Randy again, the same man who she had met a few years ago at the record store. Though now, he was in London with Amy’s mother. At that moment, she finally found out who her father was. Randy Castillo, who would die in 2002 while future Amy had just turned 5 years old.

The next time Steven, Izzy, Duff, Slash and Axl met Amy, was in 1991 at their gig in London. They spent all time together they possibly were able to during that short time, catching up and all that. Axl had met Stephanie and Amy told the five of them about Adam as well. Steven and Scarlet were still together and Steven told Amy, that he was planning to propose her, but hadn’t told anyone else yet.

Adam and Amy had a daughter in summer of 1994, but only after two months since their child Amber was born, Adam died – he was shot on his chest. After 3 months since they had kept his funeral, Amy decided to return back to the USA, not being able to stay in England any longer. Needing to get back to her friends.

Amy was still friends with Jon as well, even after the past years and their broke up. She met with him too and chatted together catching up, her introducing him to Amber too. Amy hadn’t informed anyone else except Scarlet, that she would be coming back there, so it was a surprise to all of them. But things had changed a lot since Amy left, new faces coming up and down the stages and couple of familiar ones missing. Izzy and Steven had been replaced already, so she wasn’t able to meet with Izzy again at that time atleast. Izzy would meet Amber as well later though of course.

Matt Sorum and Dizzy Reed had already heard a lot about Amy and were eager to meet her personally. Both of them had heard about Axl and Amy’s quick affair together, but decided not to mention it to either of them.

Amy and Axl were now both single and during time both of them felt old feelings getting back up again, but refused to confess them to even themselves. But they would still get back together eventually in the 1996, when Amy was ready to date anyone again after Adam had died and when it didn’t feel like cheating on him anymore.

And Axl knew, that he would propose Amy some day, and so he did after a year and they got married for a short moment in June 1997.

But everything changed in autumn 1997, right on the day of Amy’s birthday. Unfortunately Amy died from a heart attack. She wouldn’t be able to be alive at two different places at the same time and at that exact moment she would be born elsewhere to her parents, in a hospital just a few hour drive away. Scarlet, Amber’s aunt, raised Amber, who had just lost both her mother and father by the age of 3.

It took a long time for Axl to move on from Amy, but the last time he would ever see the girl he once loved, would be in 2013 when a 16 year old girl with a Led Zeppelin t-shirt on walked past him on the streets of Los Angeles with her friends Leo and Amelie.

(A/N2: I basically obviously ignored some parts how some of their lives went like idk Steven’s especially but doesn’t matter lmao spare me with that)

#guns n roses #guns n roses fanfiction #gnr #gnr imagine #guns n roses imagine #axl rose #duff mckagan #slash #steven adler #izzy stradlin #axl rose imagine #axl rose fanfiction

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

athenas or the new ign videos... hmmm

im gonna go for the ign videos (moze gameplay and sanctuary-iii, no guns yet, i have a reason for that) because athenas hasn’t gotten its sweet instagram video yet. once that’s released i’ll do a full post on it. by the time i got around to finishing this post, they had released the video. oh boy... gonna do the gun post then the athenas post, i think. alright, off we go.

tl;dr: we read the entire end user agreement DAHL thrusts upon us for using the ECHO device, talk about some stuff like how (spoilers) it seems like Lilith will be getting her powers back at the end of the game, and a voice line Lily says that sounds like “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like Tannis said: [inaudible] Siren” (altho im not 100% sure on the [inaudible] part because 1) it sounds weird and 2) there’s a drum beat and also the devs are talking over her, the Siren part seems fairly accurate because of the way her mouth moves). so you know. im gonna be agonizing over that until i can hear what she says. ive already spent an hour just repeating it over and over. i nearly fell asleep lol

we’re gonna start with the moze gameplay (the first 14 minutes of bl3) because chronologically it’s first in both timeline and release date

i love the license plates on the right there

also it looks like they added in claptrap’s old welcome sign from windshear waste! time to stand in front of it for 30 minutes to see if any messages pop up like bl2

fast travel station as well, definitely going to see if/where i can teleport and going there immediately. i imagine this is more for DLC stuff and grinding tho.

also! i do believe we saw Covenant Pass previously. good to know this is actually where it is!

Marcus saying “And Welcome to Pandora!” in the beginning confirms that, yes, they’re going to be on a bus!! i wonder if there will be a fight scene before that though. it’s interesting Clappy mentions that “those jerks who tried to murder you are the children of the vault!” so i mean... there’s gotta be... right?

im also convinced this intro is going to be a mirror of Borderlands 1. i stg if it starts out with the first few notes of Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked and then swaps songs I’m going to lose my mind

also also, the order is totally going to mimic the bl1 one. Fl4k = Mordecai, Amara = Lilith, Moze = Roland, Zane = Brick. We even have Lilith taking Angel’s spot as the mysterious voice in our heads, and probably Marcus driving, AND being dropped off at a bus stop.

bet the reason they changed it from ‘Moze as the Bot Jock’ to ‘Moze as the Gunner’ is because it fits under ‘Roland as the Soldier’ better. Also, ‘Zane Flynt as Himselfs’ would be a play off ‘Brick as Himself’. Amara as the Siren is obvious, and ‘Mordecai as the Hunter’ vs ‘Fl4k as the Beastmaster’ is pretty similar as well, given Fl4k has all those Hunter skills.

the 4 basic emotes im guessing. im so glad we have the option to boop our friends in the face with emotes.

also moze’s little bunny skin is adorable

the ECHOnet used to be called “Riftspace”, “the Spline”, and... “MercTel: A Cyber-Dahl Joint” lmfao

specifically calls out Pandora. also, “artificial megastructures”??? THAT’S SO COOL

AND FUCKING

SENTIENT MEGASTRUCTURES???? 

gearbox. please. i have never ever wanted anything more in my life. please. it’s probably my birthday. PLEASE GEARBOX

also interesting that the user agreement specifically notes ‘Respawns’. I assume this is a joke because New-U stations have been confirmed not canon

“Core law”. Core law? Core... daddy? ... ????

core as in like a core government somewhere that’s not the border worlds? that’s interesting...

“The Legion”, okay, acknowledging TPS, that’s dope

“Project Blackrakk” ... im interested

“Thresher Company” lmao

im curious if Axton was apart of any of the mentioned ones. i don’t think it’s been stated, but i could be wrong

“Chieftain Oort”. also ‘Recently Legless Gary’, lmfao poor dude.

oh yeah im sure this is fine. also holy shit did they google the synonyms for ‘change’ and just start listing them? lmfao

“implicit subscription to the Digby Vermouth ‘Dig’s Gigs’ secret concert subscription service” 

sorry, what?

if this doesn’t come up again in the future- if we don’t get a spam letter or 3 in our mailbox about this concert subscription thing i'm gonna be so disappointed

Dahl hates you if you’re not a fan of hyper-jazz, “you snob” lmfao

my brain hurts, they’re good at writing these 

damn phones exist? i thought everything was ECHO. aight, that’s good to know. i guess there just aren’t any phone networks around the border worlds

also “shared dreamspaces” sound really cool

hm. that’s no good lmfao. also i love that the buttons are ‘Agree’ and ‘OK’. there is no escape, once you agree, you can’t even leave because you’re agreeing that you’re trapped with these rules even if you cancel.

that’s fucked up, DAHL. can’t believe you treat your user base the same way you treat your employees. i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

anyway, shoutout to literally the only TOA I’ve ever fully read in my life.

also, clicking through this TOA too fast WILL end claptrap’s voice line early. so be careful if you want to hear what he has to say!!

oh shit lmao I gotta go edit that Fl4k post

ok im back ~time magic of being able to save things in drafts and post them at a later date~

sliding preserves momentum, so you can actually slide (nearly) the entire way down! i love this.

small, but claptrap bends his antennae when trying to be stealthy. i thought that was a pretty cool detail

“and some guns include an alternate shooting mode~! try it out!”

player: `immediately shoots claptrap in the face`

i died lol

a very nice look at this sign.

good to know that the twins really are tempting people to join with promises of food. i mean it makes sense, i imagine most of the cultists are desperate for stability and a reasonable life on pandora.

also, Shiv calls himself “holy influencer of the children of the vault” lol. i love that. gearbox really is going for the internet’s throat, isn’t it?

i do like that hovering over an NPC will give you their name only and not name/healthbar.

a better look at one of the signs referencing the Mother!!! i was waiting for this, the only real look we got at one was in that one scene with Moze and IB

“Behold the Mother strength surrender to the truth” 

yeah that’s not ominous...

i assume the mother and father are intended to be tyreen and troy? but idk how i feel about that implication...

i like the new little gear/spring effect for the magnet lol

new lilith! i know a lot of people don’t like it, but i do. she looks better than the bl2 vers. altho i think it’s weird they swapped both bl1 and bl2′s ‘AI’ effect to those dots and then didn’t bring it to BL3. the dots effect felt cleaner. curious why they’re not applying it to bl3 when they went thru all that effort in 1 and 2.

... back up please.

i like that there is a changing icon for long pressing now

“time to check out our slay of the day!” sounds like Tyreen but tbh i legit thought this was moze’s reaction to opening the chest at first lol 

you can hear someone start screaming in agony while she’s walking up the stairs, so i know it’s not moze, but im so used to the VHs talking when they see a new piece of loot my brain just assumed.

also THE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND IS A REMIX OF BANDIT SLAUGHTER!!! IM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS I WAS FREAKING OUT THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT

also, claptrap when dropping health yells “this could save your life! then, you’ll owe me a life debt!” bullshit im pretty sure you already decided we owed you a life debt the moment we stepped off that bus

“i see it... the great vault” - a line from a cultist you kill

i know i mentioned in this post that the Great Vault may be already opened, but it could also just be a Vault they’re planning on opening and using the propaganda to convince the cultists to help them find it. 

“if you help us get this vault open, you’ll be handsomely rewarded! you’ll get superpowers! you’ll get regular meals! you’ll get money and guns and dates!” you know, the usual stuff. 

either way, elevating the Vault to a higher state (god/heaven/whatever) makes sense if you’re running a cult.

btw there is a hidden chest in the scaffolding to the left of the door, if you’re interested in grabbing some better guns before shiv. personally, i’ll be using the toy guns.

also the TVs are actually playing propaganda now!!

this one is asking questions that i cant understand due to the sound effects of the chest and claptrap talking, but it says something about “... the dust? ... join the Children of the Vault!”

“hey shiiiiiv all your dumb friends are dead!!”

shiv be like

“all my friends are dead”

some cool level-up art! I notice these are the same pictures as used on the japanese site. i wonder if they change depending on which VH you’ve picked (If you’re playing Amara/Fl4k, do you get pics of Amara and Fl4k? the player is playing moze, afterall).

also also “it’s a KIA on the knife wielding maniac. suuuper dead.” 

it’s cool that the VHs have specific lines for the deaths of bosses. i hope that continues and it’s not just a ‘15 min of intro gameplay’ thing. you know, where everything is super detailed in the beginning and then slowly gets less and less as the game progresses? anyway, moze’s little chuckle is fuckin adorable lol

ah. the door closes now so you can’t even explore Shiv’s room before Lilith shows up. gearbox plS you know me too well, i was looking for a g l i m p s e

claptrap’s voice line for getting released is SUPER off time, he hits the ground before going “you did it! i’m sa-ahhhhhhhh!” it’s weird, wondering if that’s just a glitch.

also also we get a nice listen to the revive ally sound. i could’ve sworn it wasn’t in the first look at this mission we got, because i heard it for the first time during the coop Zane/Amara gameplay on Promethea. i might be wrong, tho.

im very curious what these symbols are claptrap is beaming up

i mean you know what im gonna say

they look eridian

and they do

so wtf clappy why u beaming up eridian letters to Lilith

i assume maybe Tannis gave clappy some weird upgrade or something so he could communicate with the crimson raiders without the CoV listening in? it could be that Tannis or someone is decoding this message since Tannis does know how to translate Eridian (as shown in her bl1 ECHOs)

... or at the very least she gave Lilith a translator

the darkening makes it so that you can see the crackening. also this COULD just be a beam that lilith can see from wherever she is, but i want to believe there’s more eridian stuff. bc eridian stuff is fun.

this is so fu cking crisp im dying i love it

lilith’s tattoos spreading down her fingers

same symbol as her chest tattoo. maybe the symbol denotes new powers? like how lily has one on her chest for phasewalking, and a new one on her hand for teleportation

i love how her wings look like actual fire. i fucking love this

lilith is looking so fucking good in the new engine

im glad they got rid of her super red eyes, tbh it looked a bit weird

i think they are really pushing her fire affinity, im sure we’ll see Maya has an elemental affinity as well (im calling corrosive) and im sure Tyreen will too (slag). Amara looks to be Shock because that’s her ‘default’, but who knows until (if) bl4 comes out. but corrosive wings on maya would look SOOO fucking cool. please. please please please.

god she looks so good compared to bl2. i love how the tattoos softly glow in the dark, too. i gotta play this mission late in the day...

“you’re... the voice in my head, right?” i love this so much, i really hope my shitpost comes true.

lilith gives you a grenade mod for completing her mission! im really glad they are PUSHING through the tutorial/intro so you can get right into the game. bl2′s ‘intro’ of all these tutorials was brutal. especially waiting to unlock your action skill.

in 3 you get your action skill automatically at level 2!!! which is insane, i love it! they’re jumping right into it, it’s great. and they seem to be pushing for you to get all the stuff you need right away. 

it’s curious to note that in bl3 we get our class mods at the end of the Promethea demo (after Gigamind), since in bl2 you get your first (usually?) after the hunting the firehawk mission and both seem to take place immediately after we get to the ‘base of operations’ of the game (Sanctuary vs Sanctuary-III).

yep that quest is 100% in line with the quest marker. 

i imagine From the Ground Up may be discovering where the Vault Map/Key actually is? maybe bringing people to the Recruitment Center (notably Tannis)

for this scene. i hope this takes place after the HBC, because i seriously... can’t imagine the twins showing up, taking the Vault Map, bringing it to the HBC, and then NOT taking Lilith’s powers/trying to kill Lily and accidentally taking her powers. it just doesn’t make sense, Vault Hunters be damned, we are level 2 they could melt us easy peasy. 

If anything, it feels like we COULD find the Vault Map in the Recruitment Center, Tannis tries to activate it/fix it, we find out it’s mega broke, and then the Sun Smashers show up and take it. but i seriously can’t imagine Lilith nor the new VHs allowing that to happen while they’re still there. maybe if Tannis sends us to do something while Lilith is gathering other CR members? then it could make sense if they attack while Tannis is alone with the Key...

OR

we end up finding something in Shiv’s room that shows/helps us realize the Sun Smashers bringing the Vault Map to the Calypsos. tho this would mean the quest From the Ground Up is SUPER short and I imagine it’s not. Maybe we raid a camp of theirs like the one in front of Sanc-III with the bridge/ramp? We need to be about level 6 before we go and we start From the Ground Up at 2 so there’s obviously something DEEP we’re missing here. maybe this is a mission where we go gather the other Crimson Raiders? HMMMMMMMM...

.... oh.

nevermind lmfao

she opens her ECHO immediately after this LOL i feel kinda dumb now

raiding their camp it is! the Droughts sounds like a fun location. Very much like the dust. you guys think there’s a Shade situation going on there? i’m excited to see it. Still think we’re going to use Shiv’s room to get that lead, though. i just really wanna watch tv lmfao. i hope this means the bandits run from the camp to the HBC, or we find info that the bandit warchief sent a party to the HBC with the Vault Map. either way, i just don’t want the twins showing up until after the HBC or i will have so many questions. “why didn’t you kill lilith?” being the first. “the god queen wants her head!” ur goddamn right she does, so why doesn’t she (try to) kill lilith???

85% already?! hot damn

also

that’s one badass description there, Moze

also also

while having gun slots locked is pretty normal, im surprised they’re locking class mods and relics, too! i wonder when we’ll be able to equip relics. maybe when we first go to eden-6 or smth. or maybe after we meet up with Rhys. shit maybe he’s just handing us an artifact (im gonna interchange these a lot, sorry!) in that Promethea video lmfao

“ready to chuck some boom and frag some maniacs” lol moze i love you

if you’re playing Zane... `equips grenade mod for checkmark` `immediately equips second action skill and never actually uses grenade mod`

“it’s the firehawk! the god queen wants her head!” 

like i alluded to before, i would not be surprised if Tyreen doesn’t know she can absorb Siren powers... when she goes to succ lilith in front of Sanctuary-III, it’s totally possible she actually was trying to kill her. That could explain why she looks so intrigued at her hand like “oh shit okay lets see what this can do”

might be why she was okay with sending her cultists after her instead of showing up herself.

“alright, we got a foothold. maybe things are turning our way. come on killer, you’re with me” we are going to explore the SHIT out of shiv’s room.

alright alright alright

let’s move on to the Sanctuary-III stuff

yessss

i love the quest objective thing, it looks like we will be able to swap through our quests with the push of a button! also im curious why exactly we’re going to promethea right away. i wonder if the twins say something about moving there after getting the vault map/lilith’s powers, or if we hear from rhys. im expecting something about the vault map, since our vh will admit they don’t know rhys at all when talking to lorelei. but for some reason we need to be within the city limits? since lily says ellie got us within the city limits. 

hmmmmmm. okay, okay, maybe the map was trying to lead us to promethea for vault reasons during that short amount of time that we had it and it was working. maybe promethea is what we see when tannis is activating the key during that one cutscene? ohhh shit how dope would it be if we got that fucking easter egg message? omg “Children of the Vault. Come to Promethea. We are not on Pandora anymore. Tannis is not what she seems. Do not open the Vaults.” and everyone is like ‘uh did that thing just mention Tannis by name??’ and now it’s REALLY important to get the map back just so we can figure out wtf it’s trying to tell us. 

i will question how ‘Tannis is not what she seems’ would affect character relationships, especially if it’s said so early in the game. so perhaps we only hear the first part of the message. maybe it’s corrupted because it was recently broken. iunno. just playing around with ideas. the canon of this game is like flarp putty until sept. 13th

anyway moving on because this is literally the first f r a m e of the video

i like that you can see pandora’s eridian scar. if the destroyer is speaking through eridium to people, it’s gonna bust outta the side of this planet like you wouldn’t fucking believe lmao. eridium is a window to the soul and if you stare long enough into its glossy, shining sides, the destroyer stares back

that or it’s just like a beacon, slowly spreading its influence across the universe. but i like the idea that the destroyer can waltz out of a big enough hunk of eridium. so it will bust out of pandora’s eridium scar. F in chat for pandora but also lmfao the amount of tentacles and rage would be unparalleled.

reality is that the twins are probably farming this scar for eridium to turn into slag for multiple purposes. like brainwashing their cultists, giving them powers, and ensuring their guns have their manufacturer’s quirk (im getting to this in my next post bc im just gonna compile all the ign gun videos into one big post)

the floor art is different from the actual sanc-iii demo. i mention this first in my behind closed doors panel analysis, but im gonna mention it again because this is ~official~. the floor list on the first walkthru of sanc-iii we got had the names of all the crimson raiders and lines leading to their shops. so we had the infirmary/tannis, marcus, moxxi, etc listed on the floor. i imagine this new sanc-iii will change as we get more people on board or if we do a sort of re-decoration of the ship.

also also, it’s cool to see that we have 4 rooms on the minimap, likely one for each of the VHs (and your coop buddies). ive seen speculation that the other, non-played VHs will hang out in their rooms when you’re not playing them, and tbh i really hope this is the case.

we also know this version of sanctuary-iii is after pandora, so there are no promethea citizens aboard yet. which makes me double certain the first sanc-iii video we got takes place either after endgame (explaining why Lily has her tattoos back) or right after Athenas (explaining why Maya is there). which... i mean... spoilers, guys. 

that’s one good lookin fast travel station, holy shit

im in tears over here because “Caution: no steppy”. this is so fucking funny to me

no steppy on me

okay moving on because i will cry laugh over this for forever im allowed

moze’s room is so much different than amara’s

also i notice she’s on the left of the two on the top, which makes me hope the other 4 are reserved for the other VHs (or your coop buddy).

compared to the official sanc-iii demo video

and amara’s room

moze’s is so barren oh my god

someone get this girl like... a colorful throw pillow or something

baaank. also doubles as the secret stash. kinda upsetting, because that is infinitely less loot i can store when i make a lot of characters. also if i upgrade the bank once, is it upgraded across all my other characters too? or are the guns i put in storage slot 11 locked up until i buy the upgrade?

either way, i am saddened because no more mule characters. and way less space the more characters you make and more gear you find, because all gear you put in here is there across all characters. i hope this means our backpacks will be a lot bigger this time around!

supamax mfg shows up again

ppm/04-02 matches up with the number behind the fast travel station. i wonder if this will come into play. if the number changes later in-game im going to freak the fuck out bc that means wherever we are isn’t actually sanctuary-iii

ppm/04-02. remember that 👀

also, the wall behind the golden chest changed from red to steel/greenish. can’t tell the actual color. same as the floor

you know. that color.

“golden keys are popular. you can get some in-game and also get them online”

in-game you say??? im interested! i wonder if there will be some sort of arena (like moxxi’s) where if you complete it you get a key as a reward. i saw people speculating about some sort of randomized boss rush, that could definitely be a way to get gold keys, as well.

oooo engine room! im excited to explore here.

original size is 16. so, we have 40 backpack slots! still... you know... only 1 above the max of bl2, but hey. at least that’s an upgrade. as small as it may be

on the bright side: bank upgrades increase capacity by 5. with a base of 10, and 8 upgrades, we have 50 slots to fill. which is a big leap from the original 24. it is still a shame we have to share these across characters, tho

offline cultist stream? makes me think the CoV really was trying to steal/take over sanc-iii from the crimson raiders and we went to go take it (back?) in Taking Flight. either the CoV found/ordered Sanc-III, or the crimson raiders were building it/fixing it up, their stronghold got taken over, and the CoV were prepping it for takeover.

the shooting range. and if you notice that little CoV symbol in the bottom left there? yeah pretty much backs up my previous theory

all those red bits are tied to ellie’s crew challenge. so we’ll be collecting things for her!

an altar for scooter 😢

“we’re gonna get those cultism sumbitches, believe you me”

where you get yeeted out of Sanc-III. im definitely going to try jumping in it to see if it kills me. doesn’t look like the drop pods are available yet

that’s not clappy, pretty sure he’s hanging out on the bridge right now

schematics for veronica

the thing i was most excited about in this video!

loooots of customizations! which excites me because i know eridium used to get useless late game when you’ve grinded all the raid bosses. it looks like eridum is going to be in ultra high demand. but u can bet ur ass im gonna be unlocking all those fucking customizations asap.

veteran rewards is also super super interesting

hgggggg i wanna know what the shields do!!! 

i like the vault symbol at the top of the item card as well, shows you its a special type of weapon/item. im honestly surprised we’re able to buy ‘veteran rewards’ so early in the game? i mean obvi we won’t have enough eridium (look at the costs!) but it’s wild it’s even accessible. im personally a fan of the first bonus ‘anointed: gain life steal on action skill end’

looks like these guns have been chosen

to give them those special bonuses

i do see that just anointed is not class specific, but the ones that say anointed gunner or maybe anointed siren will be (confirmed by the devs in video).

you pay with eridium, so maybe the vending machine has some way to confer the power of eridium to the guns. or some shit. iunno. it’s possible this won’t be available until the end of the game, hence veteran rewards, and is only being shown to us right now since this is a showcasing video.

pandoran civilian. no promethea civilians today folks! i am CONVINCED that the old sanc-iii demo takes place after the end of the game. at least after athenas.

it’s weird seeing moxxi hanging outside her bar.

is also cool to know that the 4 slot machines are actually available. seems like npcs can play them, but we can use all 4 if we want to. which is really nice

the one on the far left is called the ‘loot boxxer’ and it gives mostly guns lol. i see they are taking jabs. good for them

better pic of the leftmost machines

Zer0 seems to have a bounty board? not sure if this is like a physical bounty board or if they will contact you when they want something dead, but it is cool to note. this isn’t shown in video, just the devs speaking about it.

similarly hammerlock has ‘big game hunts’ where you find “rare, challenging creatures” and kill them for him

apparently we’ll be killing something known as a manvark

this book

i fucking recognize this book

HAMMERLOCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

in all seriousness tho

hammerlock probably isn’t in his room because we haven’t rescued him from eden-6 yet.

a cool thing about the crew challenges: as you progress through the game and do these challenges, sanc-iii will ‘grow and change to reflect the things you’ve accomplished’. altho another dev says “sometimes these are optional things, like challenges” 

so now im like oh shit we’re gonna change sanc-iii as we play the game. i wonder if that means we’ll be changing the hull, too. because you know. the blue paint job. we gotta go STEALTH. sneaky beaky into the calypsos fleety

tannis doesn’t have the saurian on her table. also, interesting note, she DOES have the eridian log in the corner. meaning she must have had that before eden-6. interesting... maybe we’ll find more on Pandora.

she is still covered in blood tho. idk i don’t have an explanation for that. don’t think i want to think of one, to be quite honest.

oh no. (those are skulls next to all the gurneys)

“tannis plays a much bigger role in bl3 than she has in past games”. bigger than borderlands 1? that is... impressive. she’ll be running the health vending machines (which is weird bc i could’ve sworn in the promethea demo, zed was still running them... hm.)

another angle of sanc-iii

clappy? you good there?

the devs said they’re using him to plug a hole. i assume the calypsos shot at the ship as we’re leaving or smth.

lily with no tattoos, who also looks significantly more pissed than her other sanc-iii demo counterpart

you know. because she got her tattoos.

also

fucking

lilith says something right here. all i can make out is “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like tannis said. ..... [inaudible] Siren.” maybe some weird word i haven’t heard before? i swear she’s saying ‘like tannis said: a ‘m...’ Siren” but i am not 100% sure. if someone could help me out, that’d be rad.

so its sounding like lilith rushed in with explicit warning from tannis about tyreen stealing her powers, and tannis knew tyreen was some sort of Siren and warned lily, but lily didn’t listen. it could also be that lily is saying something like “im not a siren” but i can’t really hear it if she is. it sounds like she saying a word that starts with m to me. if someone could help me with this i’d owe you my life

whew. i am. fucking TIRED.

im gonna sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up and make food before the fl4k streams start.

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3

[purplesurveys]

666

hi i’m a little drunk/hungover lmao so just a disclaimer if some of the answers sound a lil too out-there

What is your middle name? ‘Middle name’ is always a tricky term given the different naming customs in the Philippines. My second given name is Isabelle, but what means middle name here is basically my mom’s original surname before getting married, and I’m not giving that away haha. What was your first job? I haven’t had my first job but my first legit internship was at a PR firm. What is your favorite pizza topping? It’s not the most popular opinion out there, but barbecue chicken. I tried BBQ pizza once and never looked back. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? Katrina was the name of my first and only imaginary friend. I was annoyed it wouldn’t talk back to me, so I ditched her after like seven minutes. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Tobi, my rabbit. He was a sweet one.

How tall are you? Somewhere between 5′1′ and 5′2″ but definitely not 5′2″. List three celebrities that are your height. Lady Gaga and AJ Lee are sort of my height, but I can’t think of a third one. What was your first CD? Pretty sure it was the Camp Rock soundtrack. If not, it would be Beyoncé’s I Am... Sasha Fierce. Idk, they came out the same year. Does your zodiac sign fit your personality? I’m a Taurus, and I’d say most of the descriptions/habits attributed to Tauruses apply to me, but then again so do the descriptions for all the other signs. What is your zodiac sign? ^ What is your Chinese zodiac sign? Year of the tiger. Does your Chinese zodiac sign fit your personalIty? I never cared for Chinese beliefs, so I don’t know how Tiger babies are supposed to be like. What is your favorite color? Right now it’s pastel pink but I also like black, sky blue, and mustard yellow. What was your first favorite color? Purple, because it was my great-grandma’s favorite and all her stuff used to be purple. Which travel destination is top on your bucket list? Right now, it’s Thailand because of all the museums, temples, and street food. Plus I want to conquer Southeast Asia first before I head out to other continents, haha. Have you ever been on a missions trip? Never. Back in my old school they used to give out envelopes to each of us once a year so those who were willing could donate to fund the people going on such trips, but that’s pretty much my only experience with the whole thing. What's your shoe size? My feet can fit in either size 6.5 or 7 shoes. What grade were you in when you had your first crush? My first legit non-celebrity crush was embarrassingly my Grade 5 science teacher. But if we counted reality in the picture, it was Andi, in Grade 6. What color hair did your first crush have? Black. Does anyone know who your first crush was? Not really. It was a small crush and she’s since migrated and is hella straight, so it would be weird to bring up a crush I had ten years ago. It probably wouldn’t be as weird if we stayed close, but we have definitely drifted apart since then. Who was your first celebrity crush? Ashley Tisdale. And that crush was also the reason Ashley was my favorite girl’s name throughout my childhood and tween years haha. Do you keep a diary or journal and write in it frequently? This is essentially my diary. I wouldn’t say I post frequently, especially when I’m busy with school. I usually post during weekends when I have some free time. What was/were the best years of your life so far? The latter half of high school was great, and so was the second half of my time in college. The thing with me is that my adjustment periods in new experiences usually initially go down messily and miserably for me and it takes a while for me to warm up to the environment and the people. But once I do, I end up having the good time I had been envisioning and wishing for. Do you have regrets? I have one big one, but that’s it. I don’t like storing regrets in my head. What do you regret the most? I’ve always felt sorry for myself for having a hard time adjusting in new places. It something I could never help; my first years in high school were marred by failing marks and having no friends, and my first years in college were also spent having no friends, no place to stay in but my car during my breaks, and a lot of self-pity crying and self-harming in said car. I know it was something I felt and couldn’t get out of during the time, but I wish someone told me to just not be afraid and start doing stuff much earlier. There’s been a number of opportunities that I let fly by me just because I was depressed and moped around all day. While I’m grateful for the experiences I have now, I just regret the fact that I could have had more if I didn’t adjust so badly. Are you double-jointed? Nope. What are you allergic to? No allergies. Have you ever owned a designer purse? A couple, but tbh they are hand-me-downs from my mom. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses. I can’t imagine wearing contacts, I hate the idea of putting, dropping, or inserting anything in my eyes :/ Have you ever had to use an epi pen? I have not. Do you prefer online shopping or in-store shopping? In-store for clothes so I get to try them on or see their actual size; online shopping for literally everything else. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Like I said in a previous survey, I still question it to this day. I’ve been in one relationship so I don’t really have a grasp of what I want, but it’s never bothered me... it’s not something I feel pressured to know or discover. Demisexual seems to fit me best, so that’s what I go by most days. Did you ever dream of running away from home? I did, as most disgruntled, emo, puberty-stricken teenagers do. What color was your first phone? I think the phone itself was gray? but I got it with a red Winnie the Pooh case. Who do you know who is colorblind? I may know someone, but I’m probably not aware that they are. Do you know anyone with Down's syndrome? Yesssss, one of my aunt’s has Down’s and she is the sweetest, most adorable person. How much do you weigh (only answer if comfortable)? The only time this question has been asked politely lmao. I’m a little under 100 lbs. Have you ever been overweight? Never. I’ve always been either underweight or just...healthy weight lol. Name one friend you miss. [continued from yesterday, so I’m definitely not hungover anymore haha] Sofie. She used to be a best friend, so I miss her the most out of all my past friends. Have you ever made a huge mistake? I’d be surprised if anyone also aged 21 hasn’t made a big mistake in their lives. What pharmacy do you use? My family never really needs to go to pharmacies. Our go-to drugstore is Mercury Drug, if anything. Do you take a lot of prescription meds? Nope.

Do you take vitamins? I used to, but my mom stopped buying when I was like 15 or 16. How many pairs of Lularoe leggings do you own? Zero. Do you prefer skinny jeans or jeggings? Both sound uncomfortable, but I’d wear skinny jeans between the two. What color is your Christmas tree? Green. What color Christmas tree do you want to have in your hosuse someday? Just plain old traditional green would be fine. It makes everything feel Christmassy the most. What color house did you grow up in? It’s white with a red roof and a maroon gate. Have you ever been baptized? If so, how and where? Yep. I got a Catholic baptism and if I’m not mistaken it was in a church in Makati. Do you ever feel embarrased and think to yourself, "I'm so stupid"? Duh. Do you think you look better with long or short haIr? Short hair. I actually just got a haircut (my first in nearly two years) and finally got bangs like half an hour ago lmao. What type of wedding do you want? I don’t know about ‘types’ of weddings... but my dream wedding would be big but still traditional, held in a huge venue with lots of flowers with either an all-white or pastel motif (or a bit of both) and 200-300 guests with delicious food and an open bar and a great live band. Who is someone you wanted to be able to trust but just couldn't? An old friend back in Grade 5 who ultimately taught me how much trust is supposed to mean, Marielle. Do you read a devotional? No. What's your favorite devotional? Where did you go on your first plane ride? My family and I went to Boracay. Who is your favorite Disney princess? Rapunzel from Tangled. Are you taller or shorter or the same height as your mom? I’m a bit shorter. Do you wish you could afford expensive make-up? Nah, I never wear makeup so it wouldn’t make sense for me to buy them to begin with. Do you make some of the stupidest decisions? I make at least one every day. What country would you most like to visit? Morocco! Or Turkey. What is your heritage? Filipino. What was your first job? I haven’t had a job. Did you like your first job? What are all the jobs you've had? What are jobs you'd like to have? These days I look for money more than fulfillment, so I think I’d be happy with any job that makes me loaded at the end of the day lmao. Have you ever experienced something supernatural? I have not, but I’ve endlessly heard stories from family and friends who have. Do you believe in God? Absolutely not. Do you love God with all your heart? Who is your best friend? Gabie. Do you make your bed every day? Yeah I do. My mom requires me to and besides, it feels so much better coming home to a neat bed. How do you most commonly wear your hair? I usually wear it down. Which family member did you get your hair color from? All Filipinos have black hair. What is your natural hair color? ^

#survey #surveys

[ughthatimagineblog]

blush

cassian x (fem) reader

warnings; language, a very suggestive moment oml, acowar spoilers?, azriel and the reader were a thing for 2 seconds bc its canon azriel has had past lovers

prompt; reader is a princess at dawn but cass didn’t know lmao

requested; this prompt was an idea given to me by the lovely @sippy--sippy

word count; 5656

a/n; legit i spent two hours on this until 2 am and i got just a little carried away. 10 pages worth. love yall. sorry its so long also i have only read like the first two chapters of acofas that they offer at the end of acowar so bear with me

      Living without a wall was hard. Humans were still terrified of Fae. And to be fair, they had a good reason. Just not four months ago, Prythian had defeated Hybern. Feyre and Rhysand had defeated Hybern. Everyone had taken hits, Rhys the worst of all.        Rebuilding was hard as well. Even on the Fae side of things. Feyre was running non-stop meetings with other High Lords. Even some lesser fae to try and help volunteer for physical assistance. Hybern had destroyed a lot of land that needed physical rebuilding and she felt it was her task to help with that as well. Only occasionally Rhys would attend with her to help as well but he had his own High Lord things to do.        Cassian occupied himself with helping Feyre rebuild and sometimes accompanying her with more ‘official’ meetings. The ones that didn’t talk of reconstruction of people’s villages or homes, rather the reconstruction and editing of a certain treaty. She frequently went to meet at the Dawn Court as Feyre found Thesan the more neutral High Lord. Until today, she had gone alone, sometimes taking Mor. But today would be different.

      Today was a special meeting, Feyre would bring everyone with her, feeling their presence was needed. That included Rhys, Amren, Azriel, Mor and Cassian.           “Now, I think Thesan and I can come to an agreement we will share with other High Lords when we get the chance, but it may take a while to organize the logistics of my idea so we will be staying in Dawn Court for a few days. We arrive today, get rest and the meeting starts tomorrow.” Feyre instructed everyone who was gathered in the town house kitchen.          “What could be so important that you needed all of us there?” Amren spoke up, crunching on an apple. She winced a little. It appeared that regular food was still a very new concept to her.        “Amren, you’re coming because you are much wiser than I am. And older. I have a feeling your opinion one what’s best, what technicalities to look at will be highly valued. Rhys is coming as another consultant. He’s also High Lord and has been a High Lord of Prythian for longer than I have been. Azriel, I need you to scout the Dawn Court before we arrive.” He nodded and vanished leaving little more than a cloud of smoke to dissipate behind him.           “Cassian, you’re coming for protection. And Mor, you can work with Amren to help fact-check.” Feyre finished as everyone processed their new tasks.         “Why would you need protection?” Cassian piped up. “I thought you trusted Thesan?” He asked. It wasn’t like him to question orders. He wasn’t really, just curious. Although, he did have some plans. A night on the town. He hadn’t gotten a break and the next few days he had nothing planned. Up until now.       “Well, Thesan has told me Beron might arrive as well.” Everyone’s facial expressions changed. Everyone understood now. Feyre trusted Thesan. She was still wary of Beron. Mor was thankful she was given the task of ‘fact-checking’ with Amren. It would allow her to busy herself away from Beron or even Eris if he decided to show.        They left the moment Azriel had returned with news that the palace was safe. Bags packed, each winnowed into the palace, the beautiful court looking as stunning as it did when they had their meeting just months ago. Before Hybern.         Thesan greeted them. “Feyre. Good to see you again.” He smiled and welcomed her with a hug. He had grown warmer since the meeting. Feyre had seen a lot of Dawn Court in these past months, finding a new friend in Thesan, his Peregryn lover, his army and almost everyone residing at the palace.

      Once inside, Cassian overheard Feyre inquiring about a princess and Cassian found it odd he had never heard of a princess in Dawn before. What was more shocking is that Rhys, Azriel and Mor were also concerned about where this ‘princess’ was. How was he the only one to not know?       “Oh, she’s retired for the night. She’s spent all today preparing the palace for your visit and the day before, running around with our aerial legion helping out with citizens. She told me to inform you that she is terribly sorry she couldn’t greet you.” He informed them and Cassian noted Mor’s shoulders sagged a bit.       “Well, that’s alright. She sounds like she needs the rest. She will be attending the meeting tomorrow, yes?” Rhys asked and Thesan smiled. “Yes of course, though, my money is that if Beron does show, she starts a fight with him within the first five minutes.” Mor giggled at this.        “She does dislike the man greatly.” Feyre commented and Thesan laughed. “Yes, she is a handful. Amazing at being a princess for politics but when it comes to personal things, she tends to forget etiquette.” Thesan laughed and everyone else joined in.        Their talk of the princess didn’t last much longer and therefore it lost Cassian’s immediate interest. He trudged his way back to his room and stared at the ceiling for a good while before drifting to sleep. Princess of Dawn Court. The words ran around his head, confusing him to no end. Even Mor knew. How could she not tell him?

      He dreamt of her that night. He didn’t see her, though. She was always just out of his sight. Causing him to turn around just as she would run by and escape his peripheral. He was in the throne room of the palace. She hid behind one of the thrones. The one, Cass was sure, that belonged to her, only the faintest of a blush pink gown peeking out from behind the legs.        He smirked, thinking he had caught her and would finally meet this mystery, but just as he reached her, there was nothing but a cloud of light pink, orange and lavender in her wake. A sunrise.      He jolted when he heard laughing from the doorway. Azriel. Almost mocking him. This made Cassian even more annoyed.       His brother. Keeping a secret from him? Now Cassian was jealous of Azriel. Like an odd twist of fate. Cassian began walking towards the shadowsinger just as he noticed the similar gown poking out from behind the warrior. Cassian touched Azriel to move him but just as he did so Azriel turned to shadows and the princess turned to that cloud. They floated away and intertwined and circled Cassian.

      It made him spin as pink and black swirled around him. He remembered Bryaxis and his black and red cloud of nightmares. And of course, as the subconscious is the minds worse enemy, the cloud turned into just that, it’s darkness, Bryaxis’ evil, making an awful shushing noise.       Cassian began to crouch as the shadows engulfed him, his heartbeat reaching an alarming rate. It was then he realized it was not making a noise, but words. “You will find her. Today.” It said, over and over. “Foolish warrior.” The words slipped and swirled around him overlapping to make the horrid noise he first perceived it to be.      It was enough to make the war prince collapse to the floor, hands over his ears.

      He woke up in a sweat, his sheets tangled around his naked form. He had kicked the comforter off of the bed, seemingly a while ago as he felt that they were cold. Stark contrast to his soaking, nearly steaming thin sheets.       He shook his head, nearly ashamed to still have nightmares about Bryaxis. He was gone, no, he was on the loose, and clearly nowhere near this palace. But something inside him, something deep in his bones made him remember the thankful cries of the people in Velaris after the war had ended.       They had called him fearless. And that small, deep part of him, wished he truly was.

       Shaking his head, he strapped on his Illyrian leathers going for a little early morning training. It was nearly dawn. He decided now a better time than ever to get all worked up and sweaty. Well, more so than he already was. He just needed to blow off the nerves he had.        He found the gardens soon enough, not bothering to wake anyone up to ask where the training room was. He began to swing at nothing, practicing upper cuts, balance, stance, etc. A few kicks here and there, using his wings to balance them out.       Bryaxis, no, dream Bryaxis said he would meet her today. Which was nothing special. Of course he would, she was going to be at the meeting and so was he. He knew that already. He rationed this to himself in his mind, scoffing at how stupid he was to have been frightened by a dream.        It was just a dream after all. He soon came to the explanation that Cassian already knew he would see the princess later today and therefore his subconscious was telling him not to worry. “Crazy fucked way of telling me not to worry.” He muttered to himself as he prepared for another kick.      “I haven’t said a word, let alone tell you not to worry.” A voice came from behind him, surprising him enough to where his kick was botched, caused him to lose balance and fall flat on his back. He winced, trying to regain the air that just got knocked out of his lungs.      Light, airy chuckling that made Cassian’s stomach flip sounded out behind him and he groaned as a young girl came into line of view. If he had to estimate in human years, she looked a few years younger than him. She was wearing training clothes. Tight pants of a russet color with mesh stripes of merigold, boots that reached the top of her shins of a similar color. They had slits up the sides, most likely for stylistic purposes and under them he saw gold. Her top was form fitting with a neckline similar to a halter but did cut low enough to show her bare collar.          Well, it wasn’t exactly bare. There was a gold body chain that wrapped around her neck like a choker and ran down her midsection and separated in several sections. The top itself was that same gold, marigold color but this time it shone in the small light of the retreating moon and the sun that hadn’t even kissed the horizon yet. Similar plates lined her humerus in layers for protection.            A cape of sheer light gold and orange draped off of one shoulder, nearly touching Cassian’s chest as she leaned over to offer a golden wrapped hand for assistance. Her arms were snaked in more gold, similar to his tattoos but he could tell these were temporary. They were sharp enough to be weapons yet didn’t cut her skin.        “Y/N. You must be Cassian.” She laughed a small bit. He grinned, trying not to look so confused. His body’s reaction to her smile, that is what was confusing to him. It made his heart lunge and render his brain useless. She was stunning. Fae were supposed to be beautiful but she really was ethereal. He even noticed she was slightly sweaty. She was training.        “I am. Nice to meet you. You’re up this early to train?” He asked and she smiled. “Yes, it is Dawn Court. Everyone here is kind of a morning person.” She joked and he found himself letting out a breath in a way of chuckling.       She looked around, towards the East mainly. “We still have a few minutes before sunrise. Want to have a look around?” She offered and he nodded, feeling like a gentle giant next to her small form.

      She showed him the palace’s vast gardens, weaving through the bushes and flowers and weeping willows on a small pathway. She told him of how she was the commander of their army. Their grounded army. One of the Peregryn’s commanded the aerial legion. She spoke of how she was constantly around sadness and fighting and pain so the gardens were her favorite part of living at the palace. So she lived there? Maybe she knows the princess.        “Do you know the princess?” Cassian asked as sound of water in the distance reached his ears. She stopped smelling a flower to look at him, barely noticing the sun. A sliver of it was looking out beyond the horizon. “The princess?” She asked and he nodded. She smiled to herself.      “I know the princess.” His eyes lit up at Y/N’s words and he asked more of the Princess. “Well, she’s very beautiful. But she doesn’t think so sometimes.           Honestly, shes very smart but Thesan doesn’t see it. She can also be a little ditsy sometimes, kind of hating the role she has to play. I’m very close with her.” The young commander spoke.       Y/N thought that if she hadn’t been the princess, she would have been sad to see Cassian’s obvious interest. But nonetheless, she was the princess and he would see in just a few hours.      “Why are you so concerned?” Y/N decided to ask. She wanted to know if Cassian was more interested in title rather than personality.

     “Well I never knew there was a princess! I just found out yesterday and I have been racking my mind non stop to try and think if I ever saw or heard of a princess before. So far I’ve come up empty. No one has told me.” He told Y/N and she believed him. He seemed genuinely baffled.        “Well, you’re in luck,” She dove into the conversation again. “She has a type. She likes tall men with long hair and hazel eyes. You’re right up her alley.” She told Cassian and watched as his cheeks turned into the color the clouds were going to be in a few minutes.       “I’ll put in a word for you.” She said, turning to face Cassian, only this made her look at the sun beyond him. It was a quarter of the way up. Her eyes flared and she gasped, grabbing his hand and turning to run.

     “We have to go!” She shouted as Cassian found himself recovering from the whiplash of the moment. “You’ll miss it!” She shouted behind her to the big lug she was dragging by the hand. Cassian shouted back, chuckling. “Miss what?”         He asked, getting distracted by her hand around his. It was small compared to his hand. He felt something warm start to form in his heart when he found the source of the water.       It was like a giant pit in the ground except instead of dirt it was layers and layers of stones. Both rare and common. Water poured from the crevices in between each layer allowing the growth of the flora that nearly covered all of the rocks. Dozens of flowers that showed colors similar to a sunset were closed, waiting to bloom in the morning sun.        A stone path led all the way to the bottom where there was a circular walkway of clean granite surrounded by the water that spilled into the bottom.

The water ran off in three different directions, Y/N explaining an underground watering system that helped water the rest of the garden from underneath. She led him to the center which was small. The pathway was wide enough for two Dawn Court people side by side. Cassian was not of the Dawn Court. He was large and burly.  So he walked the circular path in awe at the waterfalls and flowers around him. He had not seen so many different kinds in his life. In the center of a circle there was a marble center that could only hold two at once. Y/N attempted to say something from the other side but Cassian couldn’t hear her. They silently worked out to meet in the middle. In theory it would work. In practice, they almost fell. Cassian caught Y/N just before she fell and chuckled as she held onto him seemingly for dear life. He smiled down at her, loving the way she seemed to smell of all of the flowers around him. As if their scent had all clung to her as she descended the path down and embedded itself into her skin, altering her natural scent to be that of those around her forever.

     “I was going to say,” She said as she noticed their proximity. He was so close she felt his breath on her face. She knew, as a princess, it was inappropriate to be this close to him. But he didn’t know, and for once she was allowed to be herself without any preconceived notions. “That I helped plant most of these myself, helped them grow.” She left out the part where she used her royalty given magic to literally make them grow, but she did explain some of the flowers there.        “Most of the green you see is Sedum. They are immune to heat and drought, but obviously they don’t have to worry about that here. They actually grow bigger each year on their own and require little care.         “While we tried to even out the amount of flowers, the most popular planted are Delphiniums, Daylily’s and Asiatic Lily’s.” She told him and he smiled to himself. She loved flowers. “Now, I know I sound like a major green thumb, but really I wasn’t always like this. My mother actually loved to plant flowers and she used to want me to help her. Growing up, I wasn’t a huge fan of the outdoors and therefore never wanted to help her. But now that shes,” Y/N took a moment and Cassian saw the look in her eyes change. She looked up shyly at him before continuing.       “Anyways, I keep this garden well cared for, for her and I’ve loved growing ever since. Some other flowers are Dianthus’, Bearded Iris’ and Peonies. They all bloom in the sunlight.” She told him with a large smile, gesturing around her. Cassian made a joke about her getting along with Elain. She explained she had not met Elain, even though she had, and how she had only heard of Feyre and Rhys. The sun was just fully above the horizon now, the bottom barely kissing the Earth, sending the sky into hues of blush, lavender and gold.         The water reflected off of the sky. Cassian realized the bottom of the pool was made of mirror and some broken bits of mirror were also embedded into the rock around them for this reason. It turned the water the color of the sky.        He understood why she loved it so much. They stood there and spoke for nearly another hour. She is beautiful. There is no one else more stunning than her. He thought to himself as they stood there. He thought that she should have been princess just on her personality and laugh and beauty alone. She spoke of palace guards and some of the other royals she knew, sometimes talking badly about them but this made her real to Cassian.        She wasn’t a friend to everyone and wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. He was just about to ask her if she was seeing anyone when they heard shouting in the distance. People calling her name.        “Shit!” She cursed and checked the sky. Cassian’s eyebrows raised but nonetheless he chuckled. It seemed she was late for something. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I would stay here forever if I could. Maybe I’ll see you later?” She offered, speaking frantically. “Will you be at the meeting later?” He asked and she smirked a little, seemingly less frantic for a moment. “Maybe.” Was the only answer she offered him before standing on her toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek and running off, ascending the way they came.         She got about half way up when she stopped, confusing Cassian, and she ran back down. “Oh, and don’t come after me. Wait until you think I’m far enough away from the gardens.” She instructed him, gave him another kiss, and ran all the way back, disappearing behind the ledge at the top. She heard her yell out, “Coming! I’m coming!” Before her voice faded completely.        Cassian’s hand touched his face where her lips had been, somehow mesmerised that he had spent an entire morning with this stranger. Not so much of a stranger anymore. After waiting for about five minutes in a trance, he ascended the walkway all the way back to his room, hoping he would see more of Y/N.

        Cassian got ready for the meeting alone. He spent the entire shower contemplating what he believed in. Was love at first sight real? He already knew he liked her. Wanted to court her. Would she feel the same? When would he tell her? Cassian brushed these thoughts out of his mind by running his hands through his hair and shut off his shower with a forceful push.           Cass arrived early, meeting up with Azriel, Feyre and Rhys right outside the meeting room. “Where were you this morning?” She asked. “I was out exploring the gardens with someone.” He smirked and Rhys looked nearly astonished. Azriel looked at him with a quizzical expression but said nothing.              “Really? Who is this mystery girl?” Rhys inquired. “She’s the commander here. Not of the aerial legion. The ground army. If she’s here I’ll introduce you.” Cassian gave an innocent smile.          Rhys gave Feyre a look and Azriel found it hard not to smirk himself. Cassian began to look puzzled which cued Feyre to shake the look off of her face. “I’m thrilled to meet her. She sounds like an interesting girl.” She took Cassians hand and patted it with her own. Rhys agreed and clapped Cassian on the back and Azriel just nodded. The trio prayed Y/N would play along as well, as she was approaching them now.           Cassian turned just to see her in time to notice she had changed out of her fighting armor, had showered and had light makeup on. A thick, gold choker that pointed to her sternum and reached her shoulders hung around her neck. Sleeves did not attach to her dress but instead occupied most of her arm, stopping just below her armpits as the skin tight sangria colored fabric faded into gold that swirled and faded up her arm.        That same dark purple-red color turned darker as it descended her forearm and stopped at her wrists. The dress itself was gorgeous. Strapless, that sangria color shone in the daylight and was tight and only reached her hips similar to a corset. The only odd part about it was right around her midsection there was a shield shaped opening that revealed the rest of the dress’ fabric. It was more of a neutral blush, slightly beige colored fabric that flowed and split down the sides.

      The slit was as high as her hip and was more suggestive than Cassian would have suspected. Her feet were adorned in heels that snaked up her calves like golden snakes. Her hair was done to fit the type of cut and on one ear was a gold feather, accented to the small gold stud in her other one. She smiled at everyone, winking at Cassian, who literally tripped on his way to greet her.       Azriel’s eyebrows shot up at his stumble as he brought Y/N over. “Hello, Cassian.” Y/N said, smiling up at him, her eyelids low. Cassian choked at the sound of his name on her sultry lips. She looked like a predator who’s prey was tripping in it’s own trap. Her eyes never left him even as his eyes could barely look at her without his cheeks turning red. Feyre and Rhys both had never seen Cassian so flustered.          “Everyone,” Cassian began after regaining himself, clearing his throat and fidgeting with his siphon. “This is Y/N.” Cassian introduced the young woman and finally her eyes tore from his face. God, she knew she wanted him.         When Y/N was sure Cassian wasn’t looking at her, she winked before ‘introducing’ herself to everyone. Feyre was willing to play along. “I am Feyre. High Lady of Night Court. This is my mate, Rhysand, High Lord of Night Court. This is Azriel,” Feyre introduced the shadowsinger Y/N had already met a thousand times and he smirked as he leaned forward and kissed her hand.              He smirked under the dorsal side of her hand, knowing he was going to get a couple bruises from her for that later. Y/N and Azriel were actually quite good friends and a long time ago, hundreds of years, had been lovers for a singular night. She had seen Az loved Mor, also one of Y/N’s closest friends, and settled for being Az’s best friend instead. In her eyes, she enjoyed his company more that way.

       Mor had walked into the hallway at this point and her eyes shone at the sight of Y/N the moment their gazes connected. Feyre must have sent her a message through her mind because Mor’s eyebrows went back down and she walked over, asking who this is.        “Y/N. Commander of the ground legion here at Dawn.” She introduced herself. Mor shook her hand skeptically and looked to Cassian. Quickly putting two and two together, Mor’s eyes seemed to say ‘Oh!’ before smirking and introducing herself. It was a wonder Cassian hadn’t caught on by now, but he didn’t have time to dwell.        Two guards emerged from the room chosen and informed everyone that the meeting would begin soon. Cassian had begun to filter into the room with everyone else but stopped when he noticed Y/N wasn’t following. “Y/N?” He asked, walking towards her, noticing more officials walk down the hallway. They were aways away and Y/N looked as though she was waiting for someone.       “Go inside, I’m alright. I’m supposed to, uh, be here when the princess arrives. She’s always the last to show.” She explained and kissed Cassian on the cheek before he nodded, worried, but relented and went into the room. Cassian could have sworn he heard her arguing with someone just before the doors closed and Cassian took his seat.        Cassian noted Beron and his sentries. No Eris. He was relieved. Mor didn’t need him to be here. The meeting began with Thesan. “As you all know, we are here to discuss a new idea for the treaty. Now there are many, many details to be worked out. We have brought Beron here because he is the closest to where the wall was before right next to Tamlin, who has declined to come.” Cassian saw Feyre fidget, just for a moment, in her seat.          “If we come to a conclusion, we will share it with the other High Lords. But of course, not everyone is here yet. Please rise and welcome my cousin, Princess of Dawn Court,” Cassian rose with everyone as the doors opened behind him. Thesan’s arm extended to point behind Cassian and Azriel. Harps begun to play as the royal entered the room. Cassian turned around just as Thesan finished speaking. “Y/N.”               Y/N entered the room, her fingers intertwined with each other as she walked through the room, her dress trailing behind her, as she took the empty seat next to Thesan. This time, her head was adorned with a small crown she had not been wearing moments before. Gold racing in between each other like vines, coming down to a point. No gems. Elegant but simple. Cassian swore he heard his jaw hit the floor. Seated not but three feet in front of him was the commander he met that morning, her hair sweaty in the dim light.    ‘I have to be with the princess when she gets here’ my ass. She is the princess!

         The meeting continued, charts splayed across the table sometimes finding new homes on the floor. Beron barely spoke and when he did, he wasn’t speaking from his ass but giving good advice. Cassian was too distracted to notice anyways. She had flirted with him. Opened up in front of him. Cursed in front of him. Kissed him and at one point, literally burped in front of him. Kissed him, albeit on the cheek, but kissed him nonetheless. Acted the opposite of a princess. Yet, here she was acting as poised as ever, as if she was a cut and press copy of a fairy tale.         He watched her seemingly delicate hands cross over the maps, the papers, rough drafts as though they were glass. Be he knew how hard they could grip. How sloppy they could move. He knew how her soft lips felt when they were chapped on his cheek. Azriel leaned over and explained everything when he felt the meeting was beginning to wrap up. No conclusion but ideas were flowing. A proposal was made that Cassian didn’t hear.        Azriel explained of him and the princess’ past and how it was over before it began. Cassian was angry at him for this but cooled a bit when Az explained she had never looked at him the way she did at Cassian. Azriel instructed him to go to her when it was over. She wasn’t untouchable and was single and could court people from other Courts. Cassian mulled this over that night, knowing now she would definitely be at dinner later.           He really liked this beautiful girl. She was an angel. She was funny. She was kind. She wasn’t afraid to be judgemental and real and truthful. She wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. How could she find a partner in Cassian? Runt-of-the-litter, grown-up-in-a-dirt-camp Cassian? She had grown up in the palace, learning how to keep her elbows off the table during her three meals every day while he learned how to hold a spoon to efficiently get enough soup into his mouth while he was still caked in mud and rain?

        At dinner, she had saved a spot especially for him next to her and Thesan had whispered his approval, making her blush. They talked again all night. She had felt no one else was at that dining table but them. At some point she had gotten food on her cheek and Cassian had reacted by instructing her to stop moving. This caused her to stop giggling, as well as the chatter of most of everyone else at the table.         Thesan, Thesan’s lover, Feyre, Rhys, Azriel, Mor and Amren all watched as Cassian leaned in extremely close to the princess, took his thumb and wiped a bit of sauce that had somehow ended up on the side of her cheek. She looked up at him, her heart rate increasing at the intimate touch he had just given her.       His thumb was still very close to her mouth. The whole world stopped around them as she carefully placed his thumb on the edge of her lips, closing her mouth around the finger tip and licking lightly.      Cassian felt a shiver go down his spin as her tongue lightly brushed the pad of his finger, forgetting they, in fact, were not alone. Her eyes were dark looking up into his hazel ones, but the moment her lips released his thumb, she gave him a bright innocent smile and said, “All better.” She then returned to her food, frantically trying to use her powers to keep the burning sensation from reaching her cheeks.       She had never been that bold. With anyone.     Rhys had coughed and muttered something about the two of them needing a room as Thesan continued to pick at his plate uncomfortably. She had known Y/N since she was merely a child and to see her do that, something very adult like, he had been whipped with the realization she was not that child anymore. It was a very difficult thing to grasp, yet, he was doing his best to do so.

    Cassian did not spend the night in his room. But in Y/N’s. They did not sleep together in a sexual sense, however they did spend most of the night talking about their lives. They shared their first real kiss that night and while they didn’t go all the way, Cassian woke up without a shirt the next morning. He remembered the last night as the princess, still in asleep in his arms, stirred.      He had revealed small parts of him even Feyre did not know yet, and wouldn’t unless she decided to raid his mind. She fell for him that night and Cassian brought up the idea of courting her. She had decided that would be an amazing idea and the next day, Y/N told Thesan she would be visiting the Night Court when Cassian and the others would leave. Not forever, she had clarified. Just for a visit.

     And visit she did. When in Velaris, Cassian flew her over the city at night. Showed her the House of Wind and the Rainbow of Velaris. He showed her what the sky looked like in the darkest part of the city and she had stared in awe at how beautiful it was. Cassian made a comment it wasn’t as stunning as her which caused her to cackle and eventually snort which in turn made Cassian burst out laughing.        Normally it was embarrassing for her, but with Cassian, it felt normal. She felt at home. Suddenly Y/N recalled how Feyre felt at home in Velaris as well and she wondered if that was just an effect the city had on her. One look at Cassian told her it wasn’t Velaris that made her feel like she was home, but Cassian. Cassian was her home.

#Cassian x reader #cassian acotar x reader #cassian acotar #azriel #rhysand #rhys #feyre #mor #amren #acowar #acomaf #acotar #acotar imagines #thesan

[scarheaded-ferret]

Drarry Highschool/Summer Au

Pt. 2 is here

So basically this is an American high school summer au where Harry and Draco are childhood friends with some added wolfstar dads lmao. This has legit no plot, it’s just some highschool meme dorks in luv

I’m still in school for three more days and all I want to do is go down to the shore. Enjoy some uhh meme boys?? (I added a link for the one vine reference

Draco and Harry are in Junior year rn

***

Harry groaned and buried his head in his arms on top of the desk. Why Mrs.Widlow wanted to continue to give them work on the last day of school was beyond him. He began to zone out and fall asleep as she droned on about biological ethics. Just as he neared falling into a deep sleep, someone began to poke at his right elbow insistently.

Harry huffed and turned his head to face Draco, who was glaring down at him.

“C’mon Potter, we need to answer these questions,” Draco shoved Harry’s arms out of the way so he could put the paper in between them.

“It’s the last day of school Draco, the last day!” Harry cried as he settled back down, this time with his head on his left arm instead of both. Draco flicked Harry’s forehead and chuckled lightly at his grimace.

Harry groaned and, with his head still rested on his left arm, picked up a pencil with his right. They went through the questions, which varied from Would you use hair from your dead pet to make a clone and have a second Rover, or let dead dogs stay dead? To- If you could pick which genes to give your child, would you make them perfect or let them be born naturally?

The bell rang and Harry scrambled to pack up his things. He caught Draco laughing at his hasteness and shoved him lightly as they made their way out of the classroom. He and Draco parted ways at the ramp on the 200 hallway, like they always did, as Draco had Algebra 2 and Harry had Spanish for 8th period.

Harry managed to get past the intersection of moving students and made it through the long hallway that lead to the 300’s. He huffed out a breath as he entered his Spanish classroom, it was always hotter in the 300 hallway and Senora Vernandes’ classroom was no exception.

After 40 grueling minutes Harry finally finished his classes for the day and met Draco in the front so they could take their bus home. They grabbed a seat towards the front, setting their bags down on their laps. Draco always sat on the window seat, and once the bus jostled into motion, Harry let his head fall on his best friend’s shoulder.

***

“Fucking finally!” Harry shouted as they stepped off their bus for the last time that year. He grinned at Draco who rolled his eyes in turn. They made their way up the cobbled hill to Remus and Sirius’ house. They had custody of Harry ever since his parent’s death, and took in Draco after Lucius kicked him out for being gay in freshman year.

Harry unlocked the door with his key and the pair made their way inside. Draco walked over to the couch and curled up at the end of it. He placed his head in his palm as he watched Harry call for Padfoot and Moony. Harry laughed as Padfoot all but tackled him, and he ran his hands through the dog’s soft fur. Moony soon followed, and pawed at Harry’s leg. Harry scratched the cat behind it’s ears, causing Moony to purr.

It was then that his Uncle Remus walked in, and he sat down on the armchair opposite to Draco’s couch.

“When are you two leaving?” Remus asked. Harry looked up from Moony and gaped at him dramatically.

“We barely got home, Remus, you don’t wanna spend time with your godson before he leaves for the whole summer?” Harry said. Remus smirked.

“I’ve spent almost every hour of your 17 years of life with you, I can go two months without,” Remus said, grinning as Harry grabbed the nearest throw pillow and chucked it at him.

“We’re leaving tonight at 6,” Draco told him. Moony then jumped up on the couch and curled into Draco’s lap. Draco idly petted the cat’s back as he watched Harry play with Padfoot.

“If you two fuck up my car I’ll fuck you up,” Remus warned. Harry snorted, causing Draco to chuckle.

“There’s the man I know and love,” Sirius said as he entered the room, he moved to sit on the arm of his husband’s chair. “Aren’t you two supposed to be at the house by now?” He murmured from where he had let his head rest on top of Remus’.

“Draco if I didn’t know better I’d say they wanted us to leave,” Harry gasped, mocking disbelief.

“Observant as always, Potter,” Draco replied flatly.

***

“What kind of Ramen should we get?” Draco held up the two packages of flavored Ramen for Harry to see. Harry was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the convenience store, scrolling through his phone as Draco looked through the shelves for food to pick up for their trip. It was a two hour drive down to the shore, and there was little food stocked at the summer house.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy,” he replied. Harry looked up at Draco and grinned, quickly snapping a photo of him. He had a pair of sunglasses atop his head and was clad in a soft-looking t-shirt and black jeans. Harry himself was in an oversized Aerosmith shirt and sweatpants. Draco sighed, and continued to hold them up for Harry to pick.

“I’m not even going to try to understand what that means,”

“It’s from that one video, you know- where the news anchor asks the kid and…” Harry trailed off when he realized Draco wasn’t listening and had started to put packages of chicken flavored ramen in their grocery cart. “Ugh, you never understand my references,” Harry groaned and let his head fall back against the shelves he was sitting against.

“Vine died last year Harry, let it go,” Draco said, but he was smiling softly.

“Never!” Harry laughed, he then held up the phone and began to record. “Look at this walking meme- Draco, show the people the stance!” Harry cried and Draco laughed. Draco slouched slightly, put his sunglasses over his eyes and did a peace sign.

“Boy” Draco said, enunciating the “y”, and soon Harry was overcome with fits of laughter. He saved the video and stowed his phone in his back pocket. He then stood and helped Draco stock their cart with food. After a five minute fight over adding another bag of Doritos, they bought the groceries and walked back to their car.

With all of their food, plus a copy of Homeward Bound on DVD, stowed in the trunk of Remus’ 2005 Honda Pilot, the two continued the drive down to the shore.

***

“Harry where did I put my headphones?” Draco asked, rifling around the bag in his lap from where he sat in the passenger seat.

“Uhh… glove compartment!” Harry shouted upon his realization. Draco set his bag down on the floor of the car and opened the small compartment. “You find it?” Harry asked. He turned and realized that Draco’s face had flushed a bright red stark against his pale face, Draco was stuttering and he quickly shut the glove compartment.

“Er… Draco?” Harry asked hesitantly, he pulled the car to the side of the road and parked it.

Draco stuttered again and made a sound that sounded like a half-laugh and a half-sob. Harry opened and reached into the glove compartment and pulled out the first thing his hand came in contact with. He held up the object and all but screeched. The condom had a ribbon tied around it with a note that read:

I’m sick of watching you two eye-fucking. Harry - Draco likes you, and Draco - Harry feels the same, so just fucking do it all ready Remus is being harsh but be safe!! We love and support you both :) - Love, Sirius and Remus.

Harry didn’t think he had ever blushed that hard in his entire life until that moment. Despite the humiliatingly awkward situation, Draco surprisingly burst out laughing. Harry’s mouth quirked up as he watched Draco’s eyes crinkle up slightly in a way they almost rarely did. Draco snorted and soon Harry was overcome with laughter too. The seemingly ridiculous situation was too much to bear.

Their laughter eventually died down and Harry held it up, eyeing the condom speculatively. He then turned to Draco and gave him a shit-eating grin.

“You like me! And Remus is never wrong, I learned that the hard way- aww Draco, you like-” Harry couldn’t finish the sentence as he was shoved harshly by Draco.

“Just for the record, you like me too, Potter,”

“Potter now is it? To think I was gonna ask you to be my boyfriend. God, Draco how you wound me” Harry pouted and Draco glared at him for a moment, before abruptly leaning in and kissing him briefly. Harry stuttered and collapsed back into the seat.

“J-j- you- oh my god,” Harry’s mouth was agape and he was blushing as violently as before as he stared in shock at Draco. Draco was smirking, but he was blushing as well.

“Did I just break you?”

Harry made a strange gurgling noise in response. He worked his lip between his teeth before turning and facing Draco again. He studied Draco for a moment, and Draco gave him a worried look. Without warning Harry reached up and grabbed the back of Draco’s neck before pulling him close and kissing him. The kiss was longer than the first, and more heartfelt. Harry pulled back slightly after several moments and smiled softly at Draco, who smiled in return. Draco lifted and arm and wrapped it around Harry’s shoulder, resting his forehead on Harry’s.

“Never thought we would get together like this,” Harry murmured.

“So you knew that this would happen inevitably, then?” Draco asked, smirking slightly.

“Yup,” Harry whispered, kissing Draco on the nose.

***

Might do a pt. 2 but idk, I gotta return my school laptop tm so it’ll be harder to write (ps but sorry for lack of content!!)

#lmao what is this #send help #i dont even know dkfkfm #harry x draco #drarry squad #drarry #draco malfoy #draco x harry #slight wolfstar #my writing #harry potter #drarry fluff #drarry fic #drarry oneshot...maybe???

[lunar-winterlude]

Answered all the questions on this post because @missingparentheses suggested it and why not. Under the cut, unless Tumblr decides to break it, in which case I apologize for the long post...............

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? Her name was Jessie and she was a year ahead of me in Sunday school. She had long dark hair that I thought was really pretty, and she always seemed happy and confident and outgoing. I used to write her name on stuff at home and imagine that we were best friends. We talked exactly one (1) time in the years that my family attended that church, but I remember being in awe of how cool she was. Of course, I didn’t realize that I’d had a crush on her until much, much later. At the time (first/second grade) I didn’t know queer crushes were a thing.

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life? I regret not speaking my mind more.

3. Which parent do you identify with the most? I’ve always identified more with my dad which is HORRIFYING. Growing up, he was marginally easier to talk to than my mom. Things have completely changed since then, now that I’ve begun to understand my mom and the reasons behind her actions.

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best? I make good crockpot meals lmao. Chicken alfredo, chili, mac n cheese, brownies...yeah, it’s great.

5. If you could change your first name what would it be? I like my name! I do go by Shay on some accounts though, so maybe that.

6. Can you hula hoop? Hell yes. I can swivel these hips for days.

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Crying in front of anyone. I cried while talking to my therapist once and just thinking about it squicks me out. Before that, the last time I cried in front of anyone was my parents in 2012 (holy shit), when I got home from teaching the day the principal yelled at me in front of my class. SO YEAH if I ever cry in front of you, it’s probably because something traumatizing has happened.

8. Have you considered running for president? Nope, never.

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Creating stuff! Making music, crafting stories, all that good stuff. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to that. Lots of insecurities get in the way.

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? I’m envious of creative queer women with long-term partners and financially stable lives. Ultimately, that’s where I want to be.

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why? Haven’t been to many places I’d consider beautiful, but the Cape Fear River is gorgeous!

12. Are ghosts real? Maybe?

13. Are aliens real? Probably! The universe is huge.

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? I just checked and nothing in there is expired. My sister and I don’t play when it comes to stuff like that, and this is why we’re great roommates.

15. What are your favorite style of underwear? Boxer briefs!

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Joji - Yeah Right. Perfectly encapsulates how it feels to know you’re being used.

17. How about the sweetest song? Shawn Wasabi - Spicy Boyfriend. YEAH I KNOW the lyrics are nothing. But the music itself?? That’s how sweetness sounds to me.

18. Do you know how to play dominoes? Yes! My mom showed us when we were kids. It was boring...

19. What’s under your bed? A replica Joker knife I got at my first con and a baseball bat. Don’t mess.

20. Have you ever prank called someone? Once when I was like five, I called my grandpop and hung up when he answered, does that count.

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths? What, to keep as pets? Neither. But if I had to choose which to hang out with for a bit??? I’m allergic to most cats but kittens are adorable.

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? No.

23. Why or why not? I’m still hung up on past rejections. Fixating on “what if,” and wondering if things would have turned out differently if only I’d been funnier, hotter, more clever, interesting, assertive, outgoing, etc...yeah this is a bad road and I ain’t going down it tonight.

24. How many bones have you broken? NONE

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small? I won a spot in the NJ all-state wind ensemble on my first time auditioning after playing bassoon for a little over a year. It was a big deal because bassoon isn’t an instrument that people learn very quickly. But I spent an obscene amount of time practicing it in high school, and most of the other bassoons hardly practiced at all. That counts, right?

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be? A custom-built gaming PC. I want to play the Witcher 3 goddammit

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood? Hmmm, maybe “Honey we shrunk the kids.” My sister and I watched it again recently and it's still hilarious.

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Anything I’m allergic to. Keep peanut butter far away from me. Other than that, I’ll try anything once.

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day? Just check in on me, ask me questions, let me ramble, say something affirming, maybe give me a hug if I ask?

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? When I was a teenager, I liked to say that music saved my life because everyone I knew said that. But honestly? I don’t know..

31. Would you ever adopt a child? Nope, no kids here. I don’t have the emotional capacity for raising children.

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? I’m drawing a blank here...am I supposed to say sex stuff? I’m legit curious to try pegging a guy once, but I also have zero interest in sleeping with guys right now, so that may never happen.

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be? Molten chocolate cake. I know that “molten” isn’t referring to the temperature BUT I’m black and sometimes SOMETIMES I’d like to believe that I’m hot and oh god that was a terrible answer but I can’t think of anything better whoopssss

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why? Definitely my car. Without it, I’m screwed.

35. What is the most important memory you have and why? I’m only coming up with memories of disappointment, so I’m gonna pass on this one.

36. When was the last time you cried? I cried while watching Into the Spiderverse. I’m like Rhett when it comes to crying in movies. But only if I’m alone! Crying in front of other people is a huge nope, as I said earlier.

37. How old was your mother when she had you? She was 33

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Janelle Monae!!!

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? I can’t think of anything. There are definitely things I wish I hadn’t apologized for, though.

40. Have you been on your first date? If so, how did it go? Sort of?? I met up with a girl I was talking to online. No one called it a date, so maybe this doesn’t count. We hung out at this little bar that had board games. She was nice, but it was so awkward. We talked for two minutes, realized we had very little in common, but valiantly tried to play a board game or two anyway. Trouble is, most games are meant for more than two people, and my clumsy attempts at keeping the conversation going weren’t working. So after a miserable hour, (miserable for me, at least) we parted ways and haven’t spoken since.

She correctly guessed my reasons for coming out when I did, so that was amusing, I guess.

Heartbreak was the one thing we had in common.

#ask meme #about me #enjoy

[sunshinetoshi]

OKAY I AM AWAKE, DECENTLY RESTED AND MOSTLY DONE WITH MY OBLIGATIONS FOR THE DAY LET'S GO

ngl i reread the entire series before i went to sleep but by then i was most definitely not coherent enough to write a response so (part 2 and the last bit of the letter in part 3 just break my heart ahskljhg) plus the entire time i was reading i was thinking about how you said once that you thought your writing improved as it went on so just know that i'm proud of you

but! okay so was i expecting that he was still in love? yes i was. did i still get sad and go "oh no" when he said it? absoutely i did. and again when reader said it back?? YES??? did i cry when he started crying?? YES OFC?????? the audacity

i thought i knew what was going to happen bc i feel like fanfic normally wraps things up nicely even if its unrealistic (.. obviously, it's fanfic) but this was not only realistic but SO WELL WRITTEN. i also love how you tied it all back at the end. and in general, the callbacks to earlier parts that i probably wouldn't have noticed if i didn't just reread them. i considered writing out lines that struck me but that would be.. too long. and i wouldn't even have anything new to say for them it would just be me repeating "THIS HURT"

i've never dated someone seriously enough for any of this to be even a potential issue but i'm here like YES READER. YESS and then it would up being such a nice, mature conversation that was still sad af but addressed so much and it was such a good surprise. i'm hurt and happy and sad AMAYA YOU GENIUS

this is like my hq tumblr origin story. if i didn't read this back in february, would i have sent that first ask and then eventually make a new blog and be lowkey harassing you with asks all the time? probably not???? it's wild but i kind of owe my existence on here (and the many hours i've since spent here) to you and this fic

-🍁

this ask made me cry and laugh and my heart is so full rn 🤧🤧💖💖 ty for rereading ahh that's so cool to me. also not me getting flustered when you said you're proud of me ajdhjsjd 🥺🥺

BAHAHA the audacity lmao sorry bb but same

tysm!! the call backs to earlier parts!! yesss i reread the earlier parts so many times while writing the final part HAHA. there were 4 ish points i remember really wanting to put in there. AHH i am in love with some of the lines in part 5 i was so proud of myself akdhjsjd and trust me i was screaming 'THIS HURT' AT MYSELF. i legit had to take a break when reader is listing the things they missed about oikawa i-

you're just so kind omg 😩😩💓💓

ALSO THIS LAST PARAGRAPH MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD PLS. like it's so sweet but i'm also so sorry HAHA i've roped you in and bestie i don't think there's a way out for us anymore 👁👁 HQ TUMBLR ORIGIN STORY TOOK ME OUT BAHAHA but omg you do not harass me at all i look forward to our lil chats they're so cute <33 but in all seriousness me and this fic are so so glad you're here friend

#ty for this i will hold this close to my heart ahh #i love hearing everyone's thoughts heheh #you're so sweet this was such a nice message to read #<- aka i reread this a couple times to fill my soul #amaya chitter chatters #amaya and 🍁anon

[cherryjirachi]

Ugh why can’t I talk to people like.  Give them advice or comfort them??  I’m trying so hard to just.  WORD ANYTHING.  Even in text.  But like I’m fukcing shaking right now I’m trying.  SO HARD not to cry.  I can’t get anything out that’s more than very casually worded shit that’s shallow as fuck and basically joking sounding.  And those things don’t help anyone.  Or make them feel remotely better??  It’s like sorry emotion machine broke lmao please hold for the next operator (He will not help you either.)  Last time I told somebody how I actually felt about something it took like legit 4 days and multiple drafts and it still didn’t encompass what I wanted to say.  And you’re probably like damn that musta been a long ass letter.  But like it was not??  It was maybe 2 paragraphs TOPS.  I just spent 5 hours each time trying to get my brain to form coherent strings of words and crying.

#personal

[writers-leir]

soulmate!non-idol!wonwoo

it’s been like 1287461872467124 years but i finally have an update!!!

idea credits to this post here

soulmate!non-idol!wonwoo where you’re born with a tattoo of your soulmate’s name in their handwriting on your skin

honestly you’ve checked over your entire body probably like a hundred times by the time you were ten

because your parents kept asking if you knew what your soulmate’s name was

but you????couldn’t find anything that resembled a name

you just had a really oddly shaped birthmark on your wrist where your soulmate’s name was supposed to be

and you swear that it could be their name

but even your friends are like lmao,,,,,,,,,not even a doctor’s handwriting could be that bad

so you basically went on with your life believing that you didn’t have a soulmate

your friends have tried to comfort you they really have

your best friend baked you an entire cake one time even though you knew they weren’t the best chef

and you were so,,,,,,,,,,,,touched?? it made you feel instantly better (even if the icing wasn’t spread evenly and the cake tasted saltier than necessary)

you go through high school without worrying about the whole soulmate thing because all your friends are just as alone as you (lowkey sounds mean but i say this in the most loving way)

it’s not until you enter university that things start to kinda go,,,,,downhill?

your friends start finding their soulmates and eventually they start going on like double dates and even triple dates

and you’re stuck sitting on the couch waiting for your friend and roommate to return so you two can binge watch some tv shows or something

(unfortunately they normally get back super late ):)

after your first year of university when you start looking for an apartment you decide to find someone who hasn’t found their soulmate yet (also because your roommate and their soulmate once put a sock on the door handle and you were stuck outside the dorm for the rest of the night,,,,,,,,)

your best friend though is like noOOOoO!!!!! i’ll be your roommate :)))))))))))))) and you’re like oNly if you don’t diTCH me for your soulmate and they’re like lMAo who do you think i am of cOURse not (maybe, may be  n o t)

so you and your best friend rent an apartment together and everything goes suPER smoothly for you two

wonwoo on the other hand

he’s known the name of his soulmate (you) since forever because your name is printed sO neatly onto his wrist that he swears you must have somehow typed it

when he was little he was always worried and self-conscious about his handwriting because his teachers kept trying to “correct” it

his best friend (mingyu) was always like nOooO YOU can be a doctor with that handwriting!!!! it’s a known fact that doctors have the worst handwriting

and wonwoo’s like k,,,,,,for once you actually said the right thing at the right time congrats

but wonwoo still feels bad because he knOWs his handwriting is bad so he knows that his soulmate’s gonna have a hard time deciphering it

mingyu lowkey makes it his job to find anyone with the name on wonwoo’s wrist (yours!!!)

first year university is busy so neither of them really have the time to try and find you and you don’t either

so when second year comes mingyu’s like “hey wonwoo remember in fourth grade when i promised to help you find your soulmate. yeah i’m gonna start again”

you’re actually friends with chinaline (aka xu minghao and wen junhui)

you told them about how you didn’t know the name of your soulmate because you couldn’t find it

but they were like lmao you definitely have one their handwriting just sucks

so apparently that weirdly shaped thing you thought was a birthmark was actually the name of your soulmate

the three of you spent hours trying to figure it out lmao you felt like an idiot sitting in the library holding your left arm out with two of your friends squished next to you staring intently at it

you arm was sore for the next few days from being stretched out for such a long time

but on the bright side!!!!!!!!!!you actually deciphered parts of the name (maybe, maybe not)

minghao and jun suggested that their last name could be 권 (kwon) ((my friend says that if the handwriting is rEAllY bad then jeon mIght be confused with kwon so i’m gonna go with that,,,,,,,,,,))

but like you guys aren’t 100% sure because the handwriting is just,,,,,,,,,so messy

(jun and minghao even asked their friends from the dance team aka the other 1/2 of performance team for help but not even they could help much) ((soonyoung even joked about it being him if the last name was kwon but minghao gave him the Look™))

soonyoung also joked that you should probably start wearing a shirt that has your name on it so that your soulmate will be able to find you easier but minghao was like don’t. don’t do that. that’s a BAD IDEA. and soonyoung was just like wHY are all my ideas being SHOT DOWN

tbh though rather than actually finding your soulmate you really want to find the person whose handwriting is so bad that none of your friends could decipher it

and wonwoo really wants to find you to apologize for his terrible handwriting,,,,,,,,more times than he could count he’s had teachers and friends asking him for confirmation on certain characters

and it’s not that he’s not neat, he just has too many ideas to write down to actually take time and make it eligible (as long as he can read it, it’s fine right?)

mingyu and dokyeom have talked to him a few times about making his handwriting neater so that his soulmate can actually read his name

he tried to (but then decided that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen)

and it seems like all hope is lost until!!!!!!!!!!! mingyu literally slams into him one day screaming something about seungcheol saying something about a kid named jihoon who was in one of his classes who knows a kid named soonyoung who happens to know someone (or someones) who happen to be bffs with a person with the name of his soulmate

long story short mingyu found you

and even better apparently mingyu managed to get seungcheol to ask jihoon to tell soonyoung to tell your friends to get you to the fountain in the center of the campus at noon

if minghao and jun are 100% honest with you though,,,,,they lowkey didn’t want to take you because the entire plan just smells sketchy,,,,,,,

they agreed only because 1: it was at noon and 2: they could stay with you

and you guys get there a little bit early so you just sit there drinking coffee,,,

and wonwoo’s running late because mingyu decided to last minute ask seungcheol to ask jihoon to ask soonyoung what the plan was

everything turned out well though they ended up just barely ten minutes late

and tbh wonwoo saw you and went wow,,,,,,an ANGEL,,,, and he felt all fuzzy inside

and honestly he thought that you were just a friend of his soulmate there to tell him that his soulmate didn't want to meet him or something because???? how could you be the soulmate of someone like him

and you saw him and thought the exact same thing like HOW do i get a soulmate like that that’s impossible

but then mingyu went like “this is your soulmate!!!” and it finally sunk in for both of you like okay,,,,,i don’t know what i did in my past life but thank you,,,,,

minghao and jun leave when they notice you and wonwoo kinda in your own world

you hold up your arm and ask him if his handwriting is that bad and he’s like unfortunately,,,,,,,,,,,,,yes,,,,,,,,,i’m sorry,,,,,,,,,,,,

IT’S OKAY THOUGH because he invites you to go to a bookstore/cafe and it’s cute because you get to watch him get super excited when you ask him for book suggestions

as a significant other he probably prefers to sit on the couch reading a book with you but if you wanted to go to an amusement park he wouldn’t complain

book recommendations every week!!! and he probably acts super offended if you don’t finish that book during the week

he once gave you a list of 20 books that he liked the most and you were like wonwoo i love you but THIS IS SO MUCH

probably takes pictures of you sleeping cause he thinks you’re the cutest person alive ever but doesn't set it as his lockscreen cause he doesn't want anyone to see

probably has a folder dedicated to pictures of you sleeping

he doesn’t tell you he loves you often

like i sincerely believe that he prefers to show his affection

and in the smallest, cutest ways too

he probably puts all your misplaced things back in their places

like if you left your keys on your bedside table he’d probably move it back to the little bowl next to the door so that you don’t start freaking out right before you leave

he prefers to listen over talking so normally he sits on the couch listening to you talk about your day

and he’ll give you legit advice

like it sounds harsh at first but it works?????

“mingyu put all the cups on the top shelf today, so i had to use a stool”

“kick him in the shin next time”

(it works trust me)

he likes to joke a lot too so if you play along he’ll love you for the rest of his life (he already does but it doESn’t hUrt for some more love)

#wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo au #jeon wonwoo #jeon wonwoo scenarios #jeon wonwoo au #jeon wonwoo fluff #jeon wonwoo imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen drabbles #seventeen au #seventeen #kpop scenarios #kpop #kpop au #kpop imagines #kpop fluff

[elementalheroneos]

Why do u care so much about killing stalking if u don't like it tho? Why don't u just ignore it? Not being mean just wondering

Ok so this is going to be long bc the whole “Don’t like it? Ignore it.” shtick has annoyed and frustrated me for months and I’m just going to vent it out now. I’m sorry anon if this comes off as angry bc it’s not directed at you, but again, this has bothered me for months now and I feel like more people are just going to say this until I put all this out there.

Also if this ends up in the main tag bc tumblr is a broken website: I don’t care what any of you nasties think and I don’t want to interact with you, so why don’t you all help me ignore it by blocking me and moving on.

TLDR tho: Ki////ing Sta///king makes me extremely uncomfortable and seeing people support it and the abuse in it scares me. I’d love more than anything to be able to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist, but because of its popularity, it is impossible to avoid unless I completely change my life. So because I have to be exposed to it against my will, I’m going to grit my teeth and express discomfort with vent posts on the internet and involve myself with people who also dislike it.

If I were to try and ignore it tho, I would pretty much have to delete all social media and avoid most of the internet.  Tumblr has recommended blogs about it to me, the main tag trends when it updates, i’ve gone into tags completely unrelated to the manhwa and seen crossover stuff, when it came out I had to unfollow 15 people who posted it, just a week ago someone who posted it followed me (despite me having it in my byf to not follow me if you enjoy it), people have interacted with my posts with icons of the characters, and so on and so forth.  As far as I remember I’ve only directly gone looking at the main fandom/character tags on tumblr/instagram about 6 or 7 times since it became popular.  One was when I first heard about it and was looking through the tag to see wtf it was. 2 or 3 were because I got into such a distressed state that I was trying to block as many people who supported it as I could so that they would never interact with me. 1 or 2 were to actually know what was going on to have an informed opinion. And the last one was bc y00bum-in//drag was saying that no one said anything like my vent post so I searched keywords to get screenshots. Beside that the only time I willingly look at it is also if someone’s blog pops up on a post on my dash who is a fan I might look at it for a moment because it’s already there in my face.

I really don’t actively look for that shit tbh it’s more it finds me. And the same goes for instagram and facebook and even I think I saw someone with a character dragon/icon on flight rising??? And uhh instagram allows you to block zero tags so guess how many times it’s come up there with cosplayers (and guess how many had self harm sfx makeup that freaked me out :) ) I’ve also had people message me/my friends about cosplay advice and commissions and saw posts about it on their blogs. 

I cannot avoid it at all on the internet, and to an extent the same thing goes for irl. I enjoy cosplaying and want to use as a springboard for my dream career in costume design and construction. I also work for an anime vendor booth and go to almost every con in my state and even some out of states.  My boss knows zero about k////s and tbh he wouldn’t care about what it was/if me and my friends who also work for him were made uncomfortable by it.  So when cosplayers show up to our booth, we can’t just leave to avoid them. We can’t tell them to leave because were extremely uncomfortable either. It’s basically a retail job so we have to smile and help sell things to them. One con for 2 days straight a pair of sang///woo and yoon////bum couple cosplayers kept coming back to our booth every 2-3 hours and hanging out for 20 minutes straight because we were the only booth at that convention selling yoi merchandise. Our boss even encouraged us to keep trying to get them to come back and buy more since they spent so much money. It was honest to god awful??? Like all three of us just kept praying they’d leave and not come back every time they showed up cause we did not want to see them. Esp when they would also loiter by our booth to talk to friends and do shippy things and joke about the abuse in the comic. 

I also was talking to a really popular cosplayer once who also is uncomfortable with k////s and he told me that a yoon//////bum cosplayer ran and tackled him at a con and damaged his cosplay. Or I had the scare of my life when I was going under a table to sort through the boxes and I came up to a yoon////bum cosplayer right there with wrist bandages and felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

And also umm going off that and onto a semi tangent: do you have any idea how many k/////s cosplayers love using self harm as a prop????? Ever since the chapter with self harm came out I have yet to see a yoon////bum cosplayer without wrist bandages (bloody or not) including that one that kept coming back for 2 days which is god awful. Esp considering one of my friends who works at the booth is extremely triggered by that stuff.  Anytime we see yoon////bum cosplayers now we have to go out of our ways to avoid our friend seeing it by either getting them to switch tables or trying to distract them all while WORKING and helping customers. And ofc one with bloody wrist bandages went right up to their booth one time when they weren’t looking and when my friend looked back bc they realized a customer was there they had to sit and help them purchase something before going to the bathroom because they were having a panic attack and needed to get away from that. And ofc the rest of us had to cover for them and pretend to our boss they were just taking a bathroom break. So uh yeah not fond and if you think I can ignore that….. what world do you live in???? It’s in my face on the internet and at cons I attend to enjoy and at my job.

Even though this has gotten super long I’m going to say this one thing before someone jumps on my dick for it: “But Ceili, why do you follow/interact with anti k////s blogs???? Lmao you secretly enjoy it/want to see it” Bc like I’ve said above, I have zero way to completely ignore it. If I’m going to be forced to see it against my will, I want to see it through people who also hate it bc its a huge comfort to know that some people don’t get off to the abuse and torture of a gay man and think its disgusting as well. I’m not going to just internalize and try to pretend I’m not disgusted and uncomfortable for the sake of protecting poor k//////s fans’ feelings. I’m going to vent about it and I’m going to talk to other people about why I hate it because it helps make me feel safer and allows me to get shit out. Anti blogs also talk about the contents of the manwha so that I can stay informed without reading it/having to see posts about it because if you dare try to criticize it and say you dislike it without reading it every fan jumps down your throat with “Youre making assumptions!!!!! You don’t actually know anything!!!!! Stop lying about my favs!!!!!” I also sometimes like reading anti’s posts bc there are times where I have problems articulating my feeling so seeing someone else write it out more cohesively than I can helps me sort things out so that I’m not thinking as much about how I feel and what I’m trying to say about this garbage bc someone already said it. And also if a fan is saying something extremely nasty, yes I’m going to sometimes jump in bc I’m at that point already upset and angry.

So yeah again: I legit cannot ignore it and once I see it I can’t stop thinking about it until my discomfort passes which can either be for a few minutes or a few hours depending on the situation. Unless all fans go and keep their content super private and dont put it out there which yall will never do, we’re at a stand still and if you want me to not continue to talk about this block me and dont interact bc I want to move on with this and be done already.

#ceili speaks #killing stalking // #self harm // #long post #sorry if anything is unclear/confusing I wrote this mostly rushing

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 6:Sorry hosts and viewers but we're keeping the inactivish girl. -Ryan M

My new tribe kinda slaps? It’s just nice playing with people who have the fight to win. We fucking S L A Y E D Jeopardy. Ken Jennings who? It felt so good helping my tribe win. For this reward comp I’m a little worried because we have a good system but if someone doesn’t show up, we’ll all hit 5 and be screwed. Also poor Glo, she’s just out here doing her best. She’s cute, but I don’t want that to carry her to the end like it did in Mongolia.

Finally have my computer back, so I can start writing confessionals as I think about the game. It sucks that Chloe was voted out. She was definitely my #1 ally in the game, so seeing her leave just sucks. And now I am on a tribe with 4 Royals who would be happy to vote me out the second we get to tribal council. I doubt my social game will let me leave here alive if we go to tribal. Instead, I just have to make sure we don't go to tribal. I need to put in all my effort in the next immunity challenge lest I want to be in the VL watching the rest of this season.

* a little later*

I've been socially active with Seamus and Amanda today. I hope I can grow a tight bond with them in order to keep myself safe for tribals to come. Especially if I manage to get to merge with a tight three. I'm praying that things work out because I need this for my own sanity.

It’s truly like babysitting this tribe lmao Like I know this is reward but how fucking hard is it to post on time. I worked a 9 hour shift today and still posted on time when I said I would. We have the lead, like why squander it. Also, I’m hoping we win out to til merge because I really don’t want to go into a tribal at swap in the minority. I feel like I might be making myself a target bc I’m being a little aggressive with this comp BUT I regret nothing.

I feel like I’ve been too MIA I’m kind of just ready for a tribal so I can get a little blood on my hands! Sorry I am the most boring player ever I’ll post something juicy tomorrow

I'm glad that we won the reward challenge. It must be a good omen for the next one, but I have to put in twice as much effort! I'm not planning on being the next one booted, so this tribe needs to pull its weight and get to winning!

Well I don;t know if I am coming or going or who is with me and who is not. I was lost on reward challenge and posted few times but they all offered to help me lol So how is my game ok I guess but I feel lost in a wilderness cause I think lots of these players know each other very well and I am lost

I feel so bad for Chloe. I stopped talking to her after Seamus told me she was debating between voting for me or Amanda. I feel like we all felt like we liked Chloe but we've spent so much time together. And also maybe a pagoning or w/e would be a little fun!!!! She's so sweet I wish she started off a royal.

Well I just BOMBED that challenge.  I love to read but suddenly my mind went blank and I could only think of books with long titles! HAHA.  I majored in art in college for a year and suddenly I forgot every color in existence! Hopefully the other tribes blanked so we'll be safe. 0:-) If not... maybe the royals will stay together but no lie, I've been talking to John and Lachie more than Pippa and Ryan.

I'm happy two tribes are going to tribal. Because I really want to see them vote ugly people out!!! But also if we go to tribal nbd Raffy goes. He's completely okay! But I love Seamus and Amanda and I think I can also get Anabel to trust me come merge time. xo

I am praying to god all-mighty that we win

WE LITERALLY COULD'VE WON IF ANABEL DID EVEN HALF THE CHALLENGE!!!!! I was so down to get rid of Raffy... still could... I like Anabel. But... I already feel bad about voting out Chloe and this time it's like... obvi Ana deserves to be voted out... ugh 

I hope the 5 movies Glo could muster up in 60 seconds were all of the Twilight franchise movies

*Dan comes back ten minutes later*

Okay but real talk, 5 movies??? Glo you could only name 5 movies in 60 seconds? If she had done as well as Asya and gotten 28 we wouldn’t have gone to tribal. I really pray I can get Dane or Linus to team up with Asya and I. I mean if it comes down to it and I have to vote out Asya, I guess she better get those bags packed!

I am so pissed that we lost. We easily could have won this competition if Anabel had participated, but she's evidently bad at time management. If you knew you were going to be busy the next day, why wouldn't you do the challenge the night it was posted? I'm so over it! For once, I didn't want to have to go to tribal, but now I can't even have that. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that I am the target since I am not a Royal which is utter bullshit. Hopefully my social game has paid off and I have bonded enough with these people, but I am not too sure about that. I'll just have to put it all my effort into saving myself, or my game is sunk. Pray for me.

* a little later*

I think I can get Seamus. He and I have talked a lot during the limited amount of time we've had together. I want to consider him an ally, but I'm not sure if he hasn't been doing this with everyone else. My target is going to be Anabel for three reasons: 1. She is a winner (literally won last season) which makes a threat going into merge 2. She singlehandedly lost us the challenge 3. I haven't personally talked to her a lot so she's the easiest to target for me I want to get everyone on board, but I need to not pester them. However, I cannot just let the vote casually go towards me either. I'm not going out without a fight

OK SO. glo sucks at challenges. like it’s real bad. which is good for me. cause linus is like he doesn’t have any allegiances or whatever to old arioi and just wants to succeed so like. let’s cut the dead weight. obviously dan is down and that’s all we need. i’d like to get dane on board too but it’s not necessary. like really, i just wanna keep my no vote streak. which means if dane and glo vote for a manahune, it’s dan and not me.

Seamus brought up Anabel's name to me which is a good sign. He also told me that I shouldn't worry about being the only Rebel, and he is open to keeping/working with me. I hope he's telling the truth. Apparently, he's only talked to me about the vote, so I am hoping that's a good sign. Now I need to approach Amanda and Ryan. If one just votes for Ryan, then I should be good.

*he talks a lot*

Amanda seems open, but reserved. She's acting noncommittal which is worrying for me. I have to speak with Ryan later and get him on board. Keeping this tribe together will help me going into a merge. I'm just hoping Amanda joins my side and not Anabel's, in the end. There is still time to save myself.

So tribal council is coming up soon and I legit have no idea what I'm doing. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get voted out tonight since I'm spreading myself too thin. I have a couple ideas going on through my head and I can't decipher which plan will be the best to project me moving forward. The first plan I have is to stay royal strong and vote out Asya. I have Glo and Linus as fellow Royals to make the majority. If I do successfully blindside Dan and Asya tonight then we have the majority going into the last pre-merge stage. However, Glo isn't the strongest in challenges and this could result in us going back to tribal council. If we do go back to tribal council then there is the chance that Dan can pull out an idol and take me out. If we don't even go to tribal then there's no chance of me rebuilding the burnt bridge with Dan prior to going to the merge, resulting in another person coming after me. Also continuing into merge, I imagine I'm at the bottom of the royals tribe. People can "like" me but that doesn't necessarily mean that they want to work with me. I'd be continuing this trend of saving people that don't want to work with me. The other plan in place is for Linus and I to team up with Dan and Asya to vote out Glo. If we are possibly merging after tonight then voting out Glo in my opinion is one of the smartest decisions. She is very well liked and she's a very loyal player, I don't think she will ever be targeted and it'll be an easy flow for her to get to the end of the game. Also, Linus was telling me that Anabel talks to Glo A LOT, and that lowkey just reinforces this idea that I created of an all-winners alliance existing. If we have another tribal stage I don't imagine that it will be a double trial again so getting rid of Glo (the weakest competitor on our tribe) might be the best decision for the tribe. Also with getting rid of Glo, this helps solidify some sort of allegiance with Dan + Asya. Going into the merge with Linus, Dan, Asya would open up so many doors. Dan and Asya are very close with the rest of the Rebels plus, Dan and Amanda are high school friends. I spoke to Dan and I think we'd possibly team up to take out Ryan M. Ryan M. always plays these games personally and votes out Dan, and now that him and I are not on great terms Ryan will target me. I explained that to Dan that neither of us would win with Ryan M. still in the game so we need to pull strength and get him out together. Plus we matched on Tinder one time so that'll help build some trust with Dan. Right now I think the benefits of voting out Glo outweighs voting out Asya so I think that's how we'll go. You can't predict the future but I can outweigh the pros and cons and keeping Dan + Asya on my side while pissing off the Royals majority might benefit me more than being a sheep led to slaughter

I lied to Raffy about not voting him... I mean he's not dumb he probably has a string inkling. I just feel bad . Like Anabel deserves to go home but I think she'll save me in the future. Plus she has beef with Lachie we can feed off of. I'm sorry Chloe and Im sorry Raffy. Sorry hosts and viewers but we're keeping the inactivish girl.

So Um the votes landed on Glo? Super easily? So I’m assuming I’m getting blindsided

I think I should be good for this tribal. Everyone has given me their word that they are voting Anabel, and Seamus seems trustworthy. I just hope my trust his well-placed.

[purplesurveys]

483

Is there a bus stop near your house?: No, buses don’t stop around my area and I only ever see them on EDSA, which is like the main highway of Metro Manila.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine?: I hate the shit out of wine but if I absolutely had to drink some, it has to be red. And it has to be more sweet than bitter.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there?: NAIA. I’m literally at the Starbucks right across the airport right now because my mom is arriving from Hong Kong in an hour and I have to pick her up. 

Who do you live with?: I live with my family. That’s a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, a cat, and a dog.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like?: Yessssss all the time. I always browse through the Popular filter since it already compiles the best recent posts, but I’m a huge fan of the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit. People who turn out to be the assholes are hilaaaaarious.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend?: No. I ‘broke up’ with Aya as a friend when she was being abusive to Jo, but she’s since started working on getting better and has apologized to our friend group, so she’s back on my good side.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside?: It’s 29ºC. I’m glad we’re not in the 30s, but I don’t appreciate how warm it still is.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently?: As far as I know, no.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down?: [continued from earlier because I had to pick my mom up lmao] Yes, I used a pen today. It was to write my name on a requirement that I needed to submit to complete my class.

What does your last text message say and who is it from?: "Can I call?” from my girlfriend.

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film?: Must be near a hundred. I talked about this in a recent survey but there was a time I watched Two for the Road everyday for like 2-3 months. I still make it a point to watch it several times a year. 

When was the last time you ate marshmallows?: I have no idea. I don’t like marshmallows; I’ve always hated the texture.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them?: Uhhh no, not really. If I REALLY REALLY like the guest, I’ll sometimes listen to Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling or Chris Jericho’s Talk is Jericho. But other than that, I’d rather watch YouTube videos.

How old will you be in the year 2030?: 32.

How often does the kettle in your house get used?: My mom never got one.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from?: Yep, super. I don’t have a bruise right now but I do have a mysterious cut below my right knee. Have absolutely no idea where it came from, but apparently whatever cut it cut it deep and it hurts.

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on?: I’ve never spent that amount of money on anything.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions?: Open-ended. If I sense that a survey is becoming too yes-or-no I usually quit it halfway; it’s too boring.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy?: My mom buys the toiletries so I’m not aware of what brands she gets.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed?: Yes. I just got home and haven’t changed out of my jumpsuit.

Why did you leave your last job?: Never had one.

What colour were the last socks you wore?: It’s like a faded green.

Are you studying currently? What level of education and what do you study?: Yep! I’m an incoming senior in my BA in Journalism.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying?: No, that’s terrible.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?: Probably something from Buzzfeed Unsolved cause I’ve been rewatching it lately.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener?: Meh, I prefer the natural car smell. Scents make me dizzy.

How many weddings have you ever been to?: Four, I think. All of those when I was a kid; I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007.

Do you know anyone named Nora?: I don’t think so.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? My fingernails can be trimmed, but it’s not like a mess or anything. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play?: We played a math version of Scrabble when we stayed over at Laurice’s house. I’ve never seen a game like it before lmfaaaaao it was so intense.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol?: Nope. I don’t think that would be my kind of scene, either.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls?: I don’t have a record player so I don’t have vinyls.

When was the last time you went out for drinks?: Third week of May. Have you ever been to a strip club?: NO I really want to go to one though.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie?: I don’t take smoothies.

Do you know anyone with a ‘virtue name’? (Google it): Hmm I don’t think so, but I know someone who wants to name their kid Prudence.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather?: Never.

Have you taken out the trash today?: Nope, I don’t do that around the house. How often do you wear make-up?: Very seldom. I had my face made up several times over the last few months because Kate sometimes gets bored and she’d want to give me a makeover, but other than that, I rarely get my face done for events.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons?: I have a very soft spot for that episode where Homer sits on the hood of his car and looks at the stars after he separated from his mom. I don’t keep track of the rest of the show.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes?: Horizontal. I don’t think I’ve ever worn vertical ones before.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant?: I don’t have a favorite.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce?: No. We don’t have divorce in the Philippines. So it’s not because all the couples I know are staying strong – it’s literally because no one is allowed to divorce by law.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving?: No, taxi drivers can be creepy. I’d rather drive by myself.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse?: Nope. I don’t need it.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not?: HAHAHAHAHA WTF, that’s so messed up and such a shitty thing to do. Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out?: It’s always clean. My mom doesn’t let any spot in the house go messy for long.

When was the last time you washed the dishes?: This morning before I left the house.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis?: Nope, I haven’t read one in months.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in?: No, not in Antipolo. That’s why I love it here. Once I get to the city though we do have to pay for everything, yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache?: Take a Biogesic. Takes it out immediately.

Tell me about your responsibilities at work.: I don’t have a legit job yet, but at my latest internship I did news monitoring, press releases, research, and made briefing forms for the media.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you?: No. I live in a gated subdivision so it is very quiet here. Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese?: I have never tried poutine, what a damn shame. I wish I can encounter a restaurant that serves it cause it looks SO GOOD. Canadian cuisine is not very prominent here though so idk when I can ever get an authentic serving of poutine :(

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers?: My dad is very techy, more so than me. My mom uses her phone for her Facebook and camera and nothing else. She still asks me to Google stuff for her even if her Chrome app is right beside Facebook.

How old are your parents, anyway?: My mom and dad are both 1971 babies so they are turning 48 this year.

Are you allergic to anything? What do you have to do to prevent them?: No. My skin can get very allergic to the environment (especially if it’s humid), but it’s not an allergy or anything.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment?: I haven’t been thinking of a song.

Do you hate it when people try really hard, or do you kinda like it?: Idk how to feel about them...like sometimes I’d think it’s hilarious but other times I’d feel sorry and just cringe. But I’m certain I don’t hate it.

What’s your boss’ first name? Do you call him/her by that name?: My boss at internship is named Dessa. I call her that but I address her with Ms. before her name too so that it’s respectful.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? I wore my old school uniform last year for funsies because I spotted it in our storage closet and felt a little nostalgic. No reason to wear it, just wanted to mess around. The blouse ws white, the necktie and skirt are plaid.

Do you complete a survey before taking this one? Will you take one after?: No. After this, I’m torn among a) getting a midnight snack, b) taking another survey, and c) watching RuPaul’s Drag Race since I started getting into it last night, hahaha. Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size?: I probably have, except I wasn’t actively trying to achieve that.

What’s your favourite kind of bread?: White and brioche.

When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get?: Last Thursday. We got a cheese pizza and a barbecue chicken pizza.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version?: We don’t. I don’t know how to play Monopoly haha it always seemed just so boring to me.

What was the last thing you said out loud?: "Whatcha doing?”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs?: Dogs.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person affect you dating them?: It probably would. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants to own a cat with me. I love cats but I would never want them as a pet.

How do you travel to and from work?: I drive myself always. I don’t work yet, though.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why?: Cash, because I don’t have a card.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert?: I’ve been to arena concerts, if they mean the same thing lmao.

#survey #surveys

[disparais]

above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim

eventful first week back at college. trying not to list anything in exceedingly great detail like i was previously wont to do, so-

monday:

first day of school! skipped last lecture to go kayaking with l, h and a. we didn’t end up doing much kayaking + just talked a lot, but being around people i’m genuinely comfortable with was so relaxing it was liberating.

quite proud of myself for having the willpower to stay up and craft l a decent card. i’d feel bad calligraphing her something because it smacks of no effort.

tuesday:

a came in the day to crash a lecture, and she loved the penyet wuhu.

highlight of the day: cf. well, more specifically, running into s at hv (where she proceeded to spectacularly embarrass me by yelling my name across the street), running into s and c at daily scoop, having to sit beside them because the place was ridiculously crowded, and the ensuing invigorating conversation on the panopticon + gender + capitalism + predestination + moral subjectivism with p, s and c.

(nearly burst out laughing when p told j “give me 10 minutes” HAHA)

wednesday:

skipped my first lecture of the year (abnormal bleeding) for an emergency fc meeting.

got stressed af at night when jp arrived at my suite because i hadn’t responded to a’s texts (hey i’d really been busy with ifg training and all). i hate having my personal space invaded by people i’m not close to (i.e. if i didn’t invite you in, you shouldn’t be here) and i was especially rankled by the fact that jp himself was clearly colossally stressed (and i uncharacteristically mirrored him). he’d spent the week speaking in this annoying as fuck hushed tone which made him supremely hard to hear, and he oscillated between sounding exasperated and exhausted which made things difficult because i was torn between frustration (with him, and with the situation) and sympathy/guilt (because he really did have a lot on his plate and the stress, while poorly-managed, was understandable).

i’m ashamed to admit i got snappish and chased g away (as nicely as i was able to, under the circumstances) to protect her from my immediate ire. i wish i’d had better control over my emotions - i seldom melt down this severely under stress, but the pressure that day was somehow overwhelming and her attentions made me feel suffocated and distracted (i mostly needed her to go away so that i could focus on my work). felt so bad thinking these thoughts because she’s so genuine and sweet and sincere and deserved better than what she got from me that night.

g whipped out her strawberry paper and wrote me a card + got kt to write as well. so grateful for them both.

thursday:

lunched with l at bv - my paleo buddy hehe. g gave us some strange butterfly pea-blue cake from chalk farm (sobs mad throwback to london).

fc, d-day.

was mildly triggered when g texted me about it raining because i was in lectures and i’d honestly have preferred it if she hadn’t, but i’m also frankly amazed that i was on her mind and that she was filled with dismay on my behalf - that is moving, and so very selfless.

was bitter and angry about the rain at first, but the bitterness quickly gave way to a sincere desire to understand His will for me.

i was no closer to finding answers/peace by the time the event came round, but i soldiered through with the wet-weather plan i’d firmed up the night before (grateful that jp convinced me to bother with a matrix). was livid with m and jp though, because they failed to keep their promise about letting me call the shots re wet/dry weather, but when it came to the crunch, they opposed me. foolish optimists.

closing ceremony was beyond excellent. electric atmosphere, heard the event heads cried and DO loved it...ahh so fulfilled. and l came! l told me about how the rain’d prevented her from exploring lab park and how all her friends just so happened to be unavailable, resulting in her hanging out with her last resort - her sister. i was so touched by her story, and was more than a little grateful (both towards her and God) for having a reason to be joyful even given the circumstances.

came back completely wiped (my parents gave jp and m a lift back to utown at midnight), and shared my day with g and kt. (took a lotta courage to invite kt, because g and i both agree kt seems to be feelin’ the suite thing less and less these days) was frankly surprised kt acquiesced. i miss how easy things were between the 3 of us last sem; y1s2 feels like an eternity ago now, and kt feels so much more distant all of a sudden.

anyway, things were almost strained, which was beyond heartbreaking - i tried drawing her in/engaging her, but she didn’t really want to take the bait, and eventually she left midway through the conversation. it’s hard to believe there isn’t something inherently broken within me, socially, whenever things like these happen (okay, the rational part of me knows that this is my full-blown shame trigger, but still. i’ll keep this thought here, because it’s frightening that it even crossed my mind.) (it’s not like she offered a “i gotta sleep soon, sorry” or anything. and i think i saw her light on? even close to 3.). i felt really bad because i think the topic of conversation was too moralistic and religiously-tinted, which made it by nature exclusive.

i don’t know how to achieve the same kind of balance that suitefam had last semester. right now, things have just been distilled into me + g. but then again there was the card that came just last night. idk what’s up la sigh don’t overthink this girl this is just gonna go the cupcake route.

got mad abdominal colic after that (can’t tell it if it was a drawn-out sympathetic response to the social anxiety) and excused myself for a while before returning to a half-asleep g. /end convo

friday:

s ahhh i can’t help but admit i feel like he gets me better than j does these days and that makes me so so sad + filled with helplessness

he’s so demanding and i always somehow find it in myself to indulge it sometimes; i can’t believe myself. i always did have a thing for 霸道 people and indulging their whims though - and j used to bother, i think. maybe he still does. i hope he still does - i love him first and foremost, and i really hope he understands where i’m coming from (more on that later).

logically this isn’t going anywhere, s isn’t able to do this and i’m still hoping against hope that j+i can work out somehow, but there’s a tiny traitorous portion of my heart that’s like nope i don’t think so. a much larger portion of my heart is like yas this is the elder brother i never had ;___; the thing i have with s is super precious and all la i really hope we last long friendship-wise haha

anyway. s walked me to nuh the staff way - it was super cool haha and i totally noticed he walked me far further than he originally said he would. was xiao touched la all the words of affirmation and encouragement and sdgl;kgetnrv that day he really read me shockingly well (i guess i trust him to the extent that i don’t throw up (m)any barriers - my occlumency is pretty legit ok) and bolstered my confidence + determination a whole lot.

arrived at nuh only to discover j talking to b and nearly chickened out of telling him a single thing but thankfully b wised up and left. (b is with sb omg) was lowkey annoyed by j settling cgl stuff during dinner (though at least he apologized, not that that makes it acceptable), and was extremely miffed by him cutting me off mid-sentence to deal with more things on his phone. really?

s told me to get up and walk away HAHA but i’d never had a flair for the dramatic, and i certainly wasn’t about to start then.

walked all the way to acjc + ticket saga which mercifully got resolved. he wanted to study gs for the extra hour we had before the concert began and that was when something inside me snapped - seriously, we hardly get to meet and you want to use our one precious hour of free time to study?

/c i’m too tired to go into my discussion with j now (i grade his performance at a solid B- though. and s gave me my first A of medsku wuhu)

came back and called s (see he’s like my de facto bf. ok just kidding he’s a very good friend who is somehow very invested in making sure my relationship works since it involves his near&dear sorta-childhood friend + his “counsellee”) for like 1.5h (mostly post-mortem-ing the discussion) + suppered with j and j.

saturday:

overslept so i didn’t go for commserv in the end haha.

party at js’ house-

i think s was oblivious re the contact (!! wholly initiated by him) but he broke that barrier like 10 times or something haha. as someone who’s fairly sensitive to touch i was kinda shocked but it was nice - touch is the most reserved and special of love languages for me with exceptional close friends/+ and s somehow qualifies. (but of course it would be Inappropriate of me to initiate HAHA)

also s is fucking fantastic at floating. literally the best i have ever played against, m included. don’t think anyone can top m as my best contract partner, though.

+ s told me something and ahh let’s just say i’m certain we won’t get entangled in the near future so it’s all fine for now; my conscience is clear.

also qx --> s. he literally hates me lmao s noted how he actively avoided talking to me at all costs. rip. and c is a parrot

 so yeah, as i said, eventful week. week 2 hmu!!! ok 3.17am i really need to sleep because 9am haem tutorial tomorrow (today) sigh. s is coming over for dinner + berries and that’s all i have to be excited about apart from breakfast with g s i g h long day ahead go sleep you silly creature you

#ramble #updates

[nanjingmakyu-blog]

Today is 28th January..

..which means I officially left the UK 5 months ago today. So yeah, my plan of writing everyday hasn’t exactly gone to plan.. in my defence, when we first arrived it was a fucking bitch trying to get VPN sorted on my Macbook so I didn’t end up using it for like a month. And then when it was sorted, I was like maybe it’s too late now..

But fuck that I wanna write so I will write!! But first, a runthrough, month by month, of what has happened so far:

August/September:

Me and Ella arrived 29th August and me being me decided after travelling for 26+ hours to get trashed in Talking with Heli, James, Nick and Lawrence and then ended up not even staying in my own room on my first night here lmao. And finding out all the drama that happened between Em, James and Abbie, I should have realised that these events were probably going to foreshadow the general vibe of the year hahahaha. DRAMA.

Arriving at Shanghai after a 12 hour flight from Heathrow and it then taking 9 hours to get from Shanghai to Nanjing. And being 累死了 and everything being hot and stressful. And having a random man on the street get us a taxi cos we had no idea what we were doing lol. And NONE of the taxi drivers at 南京南站 taking us cos we had too much luggage like FUCK YOU 操你妈. BITCH. My fucking 50kg+ of luggage has now essentially doubled and I’m wondering how much I can pay to hire someone for the day to carry it all for me on the way home lol.

Broke up with Adam. Long time coming. Didn’t go well. Proceeded to remove him from every social media and block his number. Overreacted slightly.. but whatever. Just hope he can find someone new and TREAT THEM BETTER. Lovely lovely man but so clueless maximum.. thanks for teaching me all the Singlish though babe hahahah. Wish him all the best.

Met Adrian and Cassie. Proceeded to have my first experience of fucking in the same room as someone else. So pleased to have shared this experience with Ella <3

Started class and quickly realised that starting class at 8am is HARD, UNPLEASANT and IRRITATING. Class fucking sucks and it’s boring, Kouyu is bearable because our 70-year-old teacher essentially just talked and 对不对’d the entire time. And also grilled Knarik at every possible opportunity about Armenia and it’s people and it’s GENOCIDE. Fucking Chinese have zero tact whatsoever lmao. Zonghe can fuck off and die, the content is dull and although 陈老师 is cute and pretty and looks like SinB from GFriend, she’s a shit teacher. Tingli is the absolute fucking worst because it’s SO FUCKING BORING. The only thing I can remember is legit “孙儿”, and 安然 is mouthy little bitch with an attitude problem like fuck off don’t fucking patronise me you’re like 24. Cunt. The only positive thing to note is that we essentially did zero work and attended like 50% of class and still got wonderful grades because we all cheated on our exams. Sorry bout it :)

Aron was here for like 3 weeks and then left to go back to Korea which was the fucking best thing ever because I got my big ass room all to maself yeeeeeee. And he was nice don’t get me wrong!! But boring as fuck lol and never left the room and I swear for like the whole time I never stayed in the room for like the entire weekend.. cos we were going out Friday and Saturday night every weekend and I just always ended up staying with Em or Ella (and Sophie, sorry forgot you existed you judgemental bore <3).. but then I remember when we went to Shanghai in October I was expecting him to be home when I was back cos it had been like a month after he left and he said he was only going for a month.. but then weeks and weeks went on and he never returned!!!! And well let’s hope it stays that way because I’m very accustomed to living alone now :) this is my room, my pictures are on the walls, my Twice poster is on the wall, get out :) don’t come back Aron :) ever :) 

It was HOTTTTTT. Everyday was so so so hot. On one of the first days here, I remember we went to ICBC to sort our bank accounts, and I was wearing my white Vans top. And I was still fake tanning. And I sweated.. and my top fucking turned ORANGE. So I had to walk in like 35 degrees heat with my backpack on my front to cover up the fact that I was essentially melting. I stopped tanning soon afterwards.

Dyed my hair for the first time ever!! First was like ugly brown/red then just got darker and darker until was black and now I decided black suits me best so will continue to dye black. black black black black.

Got iPhone 7 because I am 小公主 spoiled little bitch maximum. :)

October

We went to Shanghaiiiiiiiiii for the first time!! It was soooo fun. Girls weekend Girls DAY PARTY~~~!! The airbnb we stayed at was beautiful but expensive. And then we went out on the Friday night and Em got fucking slapped in the face by some Chinese guy like wtf. Screaming “Angela.. ANGELA!!!” as it happened lmao. And then trying to defuse the situation and the guys started trying it on with me lmao bye. Other highlights include me and Heli being so drunk that we cried in the street cos no one would have sex with us :(

Halloween was fun.... was it? I can’t really remember. I looked good though lol, and I started wearing circle lens again.. now wear everyday and feel v ugly without lol, the struggle.

Heartache with Adrian and decided around this time that I don’t like men and don’t want a boyfriend for a long while now..

November

November was a weird month.. probably the lowest month I’ve had here and probably will have here. Hopefully. Started to really miss home and just felt frustration of class, mundane life and being tired all the time. Lowest point crying to Em in my room cos my power was off. Glad to be out of the dip though now.

November was like actually really boring, like I can’t remember much of what happened. A lot of drinking. A lot of 1912 several times a week lol. I’d kill for 煎饼 right nowwww~~

December

Exams started and everyone panicked but we ended up cheating anyway and getting great results lmao, so it’s led me to believe that I’ll put in even less effort next semester.

Fucking off the class meal after exams had finished and being questioned why we (Me, Ella, Em, Junyoung) didn’t attend and having to skirt around the obvious answer of “you’re all a bunch of cunts”.

We went to Shanghai again, this time Me, Ella, Nick, Em and James. Getting James to come was like pulling teeth as per usual but then when he did he seemed to have a good time. 

Christmas in China wasn’t too enjoyable because I had the FUCKING FLU. Seriously it was like the worst I’ve felt in years, never will complain about others being sick again lol. Went for the worst Christmas dinner of my entire life at the Australian restaurant and then the bitch wanted us to pay 220块 for the dinner each. Needless to say wasn’t having it and argued it down to 180 lol, and then went to bed and slept and couldn’t go to Maxim’s party :(

ME AND EM WENT TO KOREA. It was like a dream come true wtf. My 6 year long dream of being a KPOP star was realised and it was perfect and wonderful and COLD but still amazing and I wish I was there right now.. I spent so much fucking money though but whatever, the shopping and the food was all sooooo gooooood. And Junyoung was a great tour guide too. Went to all the sights and met Heejeong, Nahyun and Jaechui on one day. I miss them all so much but especially you, Park Junyoung :( But I will go back definitely, and take everyone else with us next time.

January

Coming back from Korea was a NIGHTMARE. Went outside the airport in 西安 for a cig and then not being allowed back in for 2 1/2 hours. Had to wait in a fucking bus terminal, freezing cold, no phone charge. Flight then delayed even further. Came back to Nanjing with the feel of death v apparent :) and also suffocating on the air because of 5 days in clean, beautiful Seoul~~

Stayed in Nanjing for about a week until me and Ella decided that we couldn’t cope with the cold and the boredom so we booked a holiday to Sanya in 5* hotel and flights for £350!!! Then we we arrived we got fucking upgraded to a suite and it was beautiful. We spent the week just chilling out and the weather was so perfect. So sad to come home but so happy to be reunited with Em, Nick and Heli again :3

And that’s the T!!!