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shadeslayer · 11 months

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We never get Murtagh and Thorn pov in Inheritance and he only speaks once, and Eragon says his voice is "surprisingly deep" if I remember right and I'm over here like ;~; I can't remember if he was forced to hatch but I do know the moment he did hatch it made Murtagh and Thorn mutual hostages essentially and I love the idea of them bonding despite that but possibly still holding resentment for each other. And honestly I don't know how many people are going to be willing to talk to Murtagh atm

he's a pretty well known figure next to a now dead king so hopefully it'll be a lot about the two of them, but I don't want to get both of our hopes up too high

deep voiced.... thorn baby boy i love you. also YEAH. like.... smh i dont remember when galbatorix got his true name but i imagine he had to have by the time hes getting thorn to hatch right? like he wouldnt have taken the risk of making a new rider unless he knew he had total control over them. but yeah like murtagh is 100% already controlled and at this point aside from the memory of eragon and nasuada he has nothing in the world to stop him really from even just killing himself to help eragon. giving him thorn was like. wow. what a play

giving the "nothing left to lose" murtagh thorn was like ....

kept murtagh alive by giving murtagh a reason to live, in the cruelest way possible

kept murtagh under control by making thorn galbs hostage

gave galb a new rider to his team (the main point of it all)

gave galb a new *dragon* under his control, via both hostage murtagh and iirc he knew thorns true name because galb had forced him to hatch and grow and he knew murtaghs name

galb pushing murtagh further down his path to darkness by tying him closer and closer in to morzan by making him a rider (& his "right hand" to an extent) like morzan was and exploiting murtaghs trauma from his father at the same time

i dont think murtagh ever wouldve killed himself though - one of the interesting things to his character particularly that u see when hes at his like... comparatively healthiest when hes with the varden & just leaving them in the first book, is he has this very deep and unerring desire to live. he sees himself (and tbh! mostly truthfully!) as someone no one trusts or can bring themselves to trust, and he doesnt go "im an evil person forever i should die" he goes "its bullshit and im being judged on bullshit standards and its not fair on me esp considering he beat the shit out of me too and i have the right 2 hate him and i really fucking hate him too. but since no one will let me into their home ill fucking find my own." and he just chooses more to like.. just strike out on his own and do his own thing. he seems interested in travelling, it feels? hes like a loner and a wanderer and its not even purely out of emoboy angst but more like "i get it. people hate me. ill have a life that makes me the happiest i can be, then. and that means avoiding people/people who know who i am. so i will do that" and we stan

gd yeah though its gonna fuuuuuucking suck being STILL Morzan 2.0 to everyone in alagaesia despite everything but tbh.... its not even that different (externally) from what he had before. hes probably just recognized more. i kind of like the open ended feeling of post-canon where theyre just left to do their thing and find their own healing together so im Interested in what the book has to say but dont worry cuz ive already got my whole fixit planned in my head of how he and thorn go off and have therapy and travel the world and he meets some nice girl in some far off place and they have a cabin in the woods together and all sorts of domestic fluff h/c recovery shit is happening

#anompolili

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semi-imaginary-place · 1 year

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naruto blogging part 3.

naruto actually has a couple chapters where he introspects and reflects on his childhood. it also includes a fist fight against his persona 4 style shadow self. he is no less unhinged about sasuke for this. sasuke on the other hand oh yeah not a shred of reflection or lessons learned, he's running full throttle on emotions only not a single thought in that boys head. no thoughts head empty only angst and violence.

if the jinchuuriki seal weakens during pregnancy why do you keep sealing them in women.

make kakashi a part of anbu at like 12 and sends him of deadly assasinations. but no he cant fight the kyuubi at 15 like lol he's definitely seen worse at this point

538 kishimoto is so trying to make this a thing. he just thought of it and now is trying to retcon the series, again. because none of the spars or fights until now have had this finger thing.

Kishimoto is a master of asspull no jutsu and retcon no jutsu and sudden power up no jutsu but it usually its at least connected. Like with itachi/sasukes sharingan with the left and right eyes just like how amaterasu and tsukiyomi were born of izanagi washing his left and right eyes. And then susanoo finished out the trio of powers/gods. I guess also foreshadowing that izanagi is also a jutsu. Havent seen izanami yet tho.

oh im not done got about another 160 chapters but i've been skipping around and jumping back and forth between the anime and manga. the anime has filler but a lot of the filler is actually pretty decent (and the only time women get screentime) the anime also includes novel information and in some plaes the pacing and presentation of events is actually better. i also got nostalgic and reread some of og naruto

when i said i was talking about drawing naruto i wasn't saying the the series in general i mean the obnoxious hyperactive orange jumpsuit wearing idiot. idk how much you saw but mid 2000s had loads of fan art like this was just after shippuden released and when people drew naruto in his 20s it was always with longer hair which i think is interesting since kishimoto gave him short short hair for his 30s. there's also the changing artstyle from the first anime to the newest as well as in the manga and i find that all interesting so i was thinking of making a refernce sheet for naruto essentially detailing how his appearance changes over time filled with head canons of course.

oh when i say filler i dont just mean filler episodes. the episodes themselves are often paced slow to drag things out or have unnecessary flashbacks. so you have opening and sponsors 2min replay of last part of earlier ep 5min ed + preview + skit 3min +3 min of flashbacks and at a 23min run time theres only really about 10min of content per ep

i think i said this before but wow i feel bad for the ninetails and bijuu. confined and sometimes chained or speared to pin them in place, stripped of bodily autonomy. their chakara or even their body parts or physical form are controlled by another person. because people are jealous of their power, because they do not look human. i have much empathy for the Other, its quite reasonable they want to destroy konoha

Sasuke's hair after the manga ends sucks so like all of boruto im ignoring it. Thinking back a lot of 2010 boys had the cockatoo hair: sasuke, allen walker, noctis, riku?. Anyways long hair could look good one him, tied back like itachi but keeping the bangs. I can understand wanting to hide the rinnegan but sasuke already was THE emoboy of the 2000s he doesnt need to look more emo. But if he had long hair would it be flat like itachi or spikey like madara?

Back to the double suicide pact. I've mainly heard about double suicides in japan in the context of lovers' suicide (i think hxh references this too) where two lovers decide to simultaneously kill themselves because circumstances wont allow them to be together in this life in hopes they can be together in the next. And thats literally what naruto proposes. Ah where the quote... Its like if we die i will no longer be the jinchuriki and you'll no longer be an uchiha we will be free of our burdens. If i cant be with you in this life i'd rather die and wait to be reincarnated with you. Naruto chooses death with sasuke over life as hokage im not over this. I'll take all your hatred so that you are freed from it. Like, bruh, wow.

Another thing i dont like about boruto is that naruto and sasuke dont have matching arms anymore. Its important that they match

having the sharingan evolve into the rinnegan is classic kishimoto bullshit. he just wanted another power level up. the sharingan is so closely tied to the uchiha clan with shinto imagery and then the rinnegan… well its used to create cheap narrative tension to give naruto an op villian to fight via nagato. the rinnegan is associated with buddhist imagery and divinity in naruto-verse and gets like the most random mix of powers kishimoto was clearly scrapping the dregs of his brain for cool power ideas. the 6 paths worked for the pain aesthetic but does mesh at all with the rinnegan's status as ultimate eye. you get attraction/repulsion, mechs, soul extraction, big animal summon, chakra absorption, revive the dead, some other weird summon. basically its whatever kishimoto needed at the time to make pain threatening with his usual 0 thoughts given to the implication for the whole series.

#naruto

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kceast-blog · 5 years

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Introducing the main cemetery in Manhattan which I live across the street from... kinda spooky 👀 I’m really glad that everything on Insta is up and running again cuz yesterday sucked. ⠀⠀ - kceast 🧭 ⠀⠀ • • • • • #alternativestyle #alternativeboy #hipster #hipsterstyle #hipsterboy #inkedboys #tattoostyle #poetrycommunity #poemoftheday #poetsofinstagram #emoboy #altboy #igpoetry #micropoetry #nyc #nyclife #nyclifestyle #nyclifestyleblogger #bigapple #streetsofnewyork #urban #citylife #nyclifestylephotographer #nycityworld #nycblogger #nycgo #nycdotgram #ignyc #nyc_highlights #citypicz (at Manhattan, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu_p3uCgFas/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=m61015hdxznf

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captorcorp · 7 years

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I started ZTD! not sure what counts as spoilers since i just started but putting under the break anyway

i didn’t really like it at the start bc of how different it was and the artstyle but it’s kinda grown on me, especially with filling in gaps in other games, and learning about the new characters. heck, I can’t even decide a favorite team. i was surprised emoboy was Junpei, though, but emo Junpei is p cool although kind of a douche.

new virus thing is interesting, don’t remember the name since i’m so used to radical 6 lol. also we get to hear more about what happened to the 999 survivors, damn they took down the whole FtS HQ??? wait, have the myrmidons been established yet w/ dio and the other left clones? i kinda remember them not being the same as free the soul, but just a part of it right?

new zero sucks. kinda. from what i know about them so far

the only newbie i trust is Q. eric has some issues with strangling people it looks like. his gf who i can’t remember atm is super shady with taking that radical 6 vial, I have a theory about what she’ll do with it but won’t post it atm. diana is really nice atm, but i kinda read what i think is a spoiler about how she might have helped release the radical-6 and is *maybe* connected w FtS somehow? dunno. anyway Q reminds me of K for obvious reasons. also amnesia for the 3rd GAME IN A ROW??? BOI oh yeah i forgot carlos. he’s just uninteresting. and also the dog who will probably be a plot point later

timeline is really confusing but i’ll figure it out eventually

supposedly the ending is disappointing but HEY I’M NOT THERE YET SO ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

OH YEAH I also heard there was a character named Delta I think somewhere in the game??? that’s probably a spoiler. but they’ve came up more than once so it’s hard to ignore like I do with most spoilers.

still kinda annoyed w the models since they look choppy on 3ds and kinda off in general, but at least there’s no glitches like w clover’s smile in VLR

#cerulean plays zero escape #kcat talks

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mcrmadness · 6 years

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Rant about how I can’t draw anymore... it shouldn’t have got this long but as it did anyway, I’m gonna put a read more link there eh...

Asdfdeghawbfk I’ve been reading some webcomics on Tumblr and the more I see the pics the more I want to draw too! I just don’t know what to draw. I lost my inspiration years ago. I guess I just became this boring adult or something. Not really as I’m still very child-like by my mind but I think all my energy and imagination is rented by my mental illness as it loves to make up weird scenarios and false alarms 24/7 so there’s none left for my own use...

So far only things I can came up with is drawings related to my mental stuff and it makes me angry because it’s just lots of text along with badly drawn pictures of nothing interesting. I already write way too much of my nonsense no one is interested in and it’s spreading to my art too.

It’s sad because drawing had been my hobby since I could handle a pen. I guess it ended few years ago when I used to do lots of portraits. Just fanart basically but those were never good enough. For me as I’m a huge perfectionist. I was good at the mechanics but not so good at making them look original. I think the major breakdown was when my friend told me that she doesn’t understand people who draw portraits because it’s just basically a copy of a photo and is lacking the soul or story of the drawing itself. She got the point and I was and still am not angry at her, but it made me realize that they were just not-even-perfect copies of photos.

I also was bullied at school and made feel like I was worth nothing and everyone just hated (on) me and I felt pretty shit and I was lonely as hell (I had no friends at school for almst 2 years in straight), I drew a lot and that was my way of getting the attention and approval I couldn’t get. And it was never enough. I did not draw because it was fun but because I wanted it finished, uploaded to Deviantart and to see if I could get comments and I was ALWAYS disappointed and felt like the world is against me and it’s my destiny that no one will ever see me no matter what I do. I was grateful for everyone leaving a like or comment but it was not enough... so maybe they lacked the soul because y only intention with them was to get attention. So I slowly stopped drawing.

I also can’t draw anything just like that. I’m terrible and it also made me even more depressed and angry because everytime I tried drawing something that was no copying, they turned out 57825792 times worse. And I just felt like I actually couldn’t even draw shit so I was just lying to myself, I was pretending to be good at drawing when in reality I sucked so bad and just was faking for myself because I knew how to mechanically draw, but not how to draw with just my mind as the reference pic. I don’t know if they looked so horrible for everyone or just for me, but it made me so damn angry. And I’m not an angry person but when I tried to draw it just made me so stressed out and I wanted to break everything and throw stuff out of the window so I stopped.

AND YET I still feel the urge to draw but I don’t know WHAT to draw. Okay since the first Deadpool movie I’ve been wanting to draw this once scene from it but I’ve never started because it’s too much work to go and find that scene on the bluray and actually get that paused so you can see the lines well enough. So I’ve been thinking about that scene for over 2 years and have done nothing. Also it would just be one stupid-ass piece of fanart portrait which lack the soul and it’d be just for me to do something DP related for couple of hours as that’s probably only way to do something lasting that long. Unless I watch the movie or play the game 24/7 but... maybe not :DD (Also still can’t beat the last boss in the game because they really did not think about players using keyboard so it’s pissing me off too. I really want to know how the damn game ends!)

I also love comics and I started drawing comics when I was 9-10 years old. Or first I started with just series of pictures. Acually have to tell this one here: always the same story tho about a dino riding another dino like a horse in a competition, and then falling over this water hurdle that was deeper than swim pools what the fuck - and it ended with him watching the competition from tv with his family and he was in a wheel chair with an overall plaster cats what was wrong with me??? But I also did draw on coloring books, once I draw with a red crayon on some sort of swan, I drew wounds and blood everywhere and kept telling a story of how lion had attacked it and my aunt was there listening to me horrified :DDD I also remember how I once drew a cat family that apparently turned out to be so dangerous they had chains and all and eventually I ended up drawing lines over the whole paper because they were also behind a ighly securited fence. Okay, I know this sounds pretty creepy, but actually I’ve always liked animals over people so I have no clue why I drew things like these when in the end I could never hurt animals. Maybe Jurassic Park and other movies, as well as documents about animals, had something to do with this? Who knows...

(I also have traumas for the movie “Homeward Bound”, the scene where the cat’s in the basket in the middle of the river and the dog is trying to rescue it. I was very young at the time when my mom caught me in front of that movie crying like a... baby? because of that cat. I haven’t been able to watch that film ever again. So that probably tells you how much I love animals and especially cats as I’ve always lived with cats and we had three when I was born. But I did adopt this to my plays as a kid, I loved so much to play when someone or even better if it was a GROUP OF KIDS that were in a huge danger and they needed to be rescued. I did this with every single play I played back then. Still love it when x rescues y but nowadays more like on an emotional level as I was always alone against the people hating me and I could only dream about someone standing for me.)

BUT TO THE COMICS. At first they were just stream of consciousness without any plot, I created new characters all the time and never finished their stories as they had no plot ever. Also loved drawing “biographies”, usually it was some female anthropomorphic animal or insect that used clothes and had hair because I loved drawing different styles, make up and hair/hairdos to them. And often it started with couple of panels telling about her story from the beginning, then jumped to some age and next thing was panel per age at the same time telling about her in tht age. The idea was just to draw lots or hair and clothes, and then it ended with some age I considered “adult enough” and then their teenage/adult life started with boyfriends and stuff. Usually it was pretty much an ugly duckling kind of story where they were different and maybe bullied because of something (this one bunny had floppy ears so they did everything to get them pointy because she was bullied I guess? At least she hated her ears. Btw this was my first real comic ever!). But you can see why I still love playin The Sims games! :D

After these endless stories about nothing particular I came up with the idea of actually writing a plot and then drawing. Ended up with plenty of short comics that actually had a plot and some idea in them. The characters did change tho and I probably had couple of stories of each different characters. They were also always animals but no more antropomorphic but just animals that had speech bubbles.

My last comics ever (so far) have been two originals and one that I drew as a fanart. The two originals were called Micro - The Insane Murdered, and Little Emo Bird.

Micro was this dino-like creature, yet another anthropomorphic character because I did not know how to draw people without copying anyone’s style and I just never came up with humans as characters. So the header tells it, Micro is a murderer. This one I actually liked a lot! I was 15-17 when I drew him, but it was also much gore as, well, he’s a murderer. Or just a killer as he’s pretty much insane and doesn’t plan but just acts out of blue. I think I drew 3 different short stories for him and I had the last one written down. It was pretty interesting as I didn’t draw him for a while and when I remembered those plans and came back, I had had my identity crisis and EVERYTHING had changed. Original plan was to get him a girlfriend - after he was caught for his crimes and snet to prison,m he later was sent to an asylum for prisoners. This story should have taken place in there, introducing fellow inmates and Micro just felt like he was not in the right place as he was not ill. And then he would have met this girl and they’d have fallen in love and so on. But when I later checked that out I was so... confused :D Like, this is not me? This is what I hate now? Romance, ew, heteronormativity, ew, JUST THE CLICHÉS, BIG EW. So I just wrote these this very deep wall of text about his personality but it never turned into a comic. But I remember how proud I was about it as Micro was meant to be partly me but also something I could never be and never will be and what not, just some pretty cheesy blabber that felt good back then but right now would feel just as stupid as the first plan :D

The second one, Little Emo Bird, was an interesting one as well. I created it as a joke because I was a huge My Chemical Romance fan and there was this never-ending debate over if they’re emo or not (and as a fan I believed them so they were not emo) and created LEB. It was this bird and you usually saw just his head and occassionally wings too and he was very stereotypical emo with black hair and he was very suicidal and angry 24/7. Also others called him gay when he insisted that he was not. But actually I always imagined him with a girl emo bird instead of another boy bird but it was just the another stereotype that emoboys are gays. So it was not meant to be mean but just fun. I also liked him very much because he talked with me - the drawer/writer. Like he knew he can’t kill himself because I won’t let him and it pissed him off very. much. And he hated how the panels he was in had frames looking like scars. Oh my bad, the panels were not scars but the arrows pointing the next panel :D I’m not sure if he was actually suicidal but at least he acted like one because he was desperate for attention and tried to get attention to show no one gives a fuck about him and the would get angry for stupid reasons. So basically just a very moody teenager.

I have all these on my DeviantArt if someone’s interested, but I want to link here one of the... memes? What the shit these DA fill-this-thing were actually called memes? I wonder if they still are o.O Anyway, I want to link this one because I think it’s still the best one and I really like the outcome here :D

Here’s also the link to my dA as this empty meme was done by someone else and I wanna give credits. Oops, apparently it’s a deactivated account so nevermind, but here’s the link anyway.

The latter and so far the latest comic was about Die Ärzte, or more about the slash pairing (still my OTP) and I drew couple of comics about them, as well did write fanfiction too. These comics were my first to have human characters as I was tired of drawing everyone always in the form of animals (horses usually) just because I didn’t know how to draw people, and many people found their animal forms really disturbing to view so I changed to people.

After those I just haven’t drawn anything really. Comics would be nice, once I actually thought it would be interesting as a career but then again, I can’t work under pressure and I couldn’t live from art because you never know when the artblock hits you. Right now it’s been on for couple of years and basically only way to create something atm is to play The Sims 3 and write my TS3 blog. At least it’s something, pics with text so... I still would love to draw but I just have NO IDEA of any concept or anything.

Also just want to say here that after thinking about my Micro and LEB it’s weird how there’s certain things that actually are just the things that made me start liking Deadpool. (I’d have written ‘fall in love’ but as much as he is a fictional character, he’s still a human being and I don’t/can’t love humans...) It just shows that I’ve always like that kind of things with comics but didn’t know they existed outside of my comics until I found out about DP. Have to admit tho, that I haven’t read any DP comics... But I have an excuse: I don’t know if there’s a way to get those in Finland. ANYWAY, I just feel like someone would think these were affected by DP but actually they were not. Micro and LEB both were created in 2008 and I did not find out about Deadpool until in... 2013-2014 I think? And even then it was just occassional browsing in the internet before the movie trailers came out and that’s when I really got interested and started reading about him a lot and bought the game and here I am now. Acually not sure if it was in 2013 when we were just rewatching the X-Men movies and a friend of mine probably mentioned Deadpool at some point and told some things about him that got my attention. But really I got interested bit later anyway.

I really feel like I should do some sort of comparison between me drawing from photos vs. me drawing from my head to show how huge the difference is. And this annoys me a lot because I feel like I’ve been using these photos to LEARN to draw better but it just feels like my skills are at the maximum no matter how much I’d practice, and I’m not happy with the result as I feel like I should learn even more but how do you learn if your skill is stuck??? People always say that you just need to draw every day and a lot and they don’t understand that’s what I did and never could cross a certain point. I probably was also very jealous at my siblings because they were 5732850 times better than me who had been drawing longer than them (as I’m 3½ years older), just seeing them to improve made me so angry because I did not seem to improve at all. With copy drawings I did tho! But not with the ones I wanted to.

Now, I also know that lots of artists use lots of reference photos and that’s actually great and made me feel better as I always assumed everyone is naturally that awesome and I can’t even learn more; so it made me feel better because I also have permission? I’m not fake for using photos? But I’m just this... all or nothing so I very easily feel like I’ve betrayed myself if I don’t draw all by myself and then I need to point out that hey I’m not this good in reality I used a photo heh don’t think I’m a naturally gifted as I’M NOT asddd. So yeah, my need to constantly explain myself is on the way with this one too :))) But I don’t think this would be so bad anymore if I now started drawing again, but the biggest problem still is, that I still have that artblock and I haven’t had inspirations in years. Apart from that DP fanart idea which I don’t know if I should carry out or not... sigh.

...I want teh comics!!! I once even wanted to start this webcomic diary because I used to read lots of them but even that idea was dead from the beginning because my life is so boring there’s nothing to draw about. I also have drawn couple of comics of our cats but again it’s the thing I can’t (or I make myself believe that I can’t...) draw the way it’d look nice and appealing, now they’re just black and white mess.

#me #personal #drawing #artblock #all my inspiration died out and idk why asdddddd

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