#that’s ok! if she would be happier moving on or just doesnt and we go on as friends that’s fine! I am happy to become a new me or bring an
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I guess what should be considered with Marie is whether your character starts a relationship with her because of their shared past drawing him back to her, or because he just feels bad for what part of him did to her. I don't know about Marie, but the idea of someone hooking up with me purely out of pity would be awful, worse than a rejection. No one is obligated to start a romance they don't want to soothe someone else's pain. Of course it's all up to you and how you're playing him, godspeed
TuT everyone seems to hear my quandary as “Am I responsible for this girl’s suffering and thus indebted to get with her to make her better.”
That’s really not it at all. I’m not responsible. I didn’t do that shit. And none of this has ever been based on pity. There’s certainly a level of justice to it and what’s right vs wrong in motivation, but fairness and pity ain’t the same at all.
It’s not “Do I have a responsibility to get with Marie?” (Read: do I owe it to her to romance her to make up for what a part of me did?) — its “Do I have a responsibility to get with Marie?” (Read: is this my dead wife?)
There’s a lot to consider. But. Idk why everyone seems to hear my distress as “Should I pretend to be in love with this girl so I can right a cosmic wrong and heal her, because I’m sort of a part of what did it to her and I feel bad?” and it distress me
I’m not a bad person TuT I don’t just think that way.
It’s “If this is a part of me’s dead wife, who he destroyed and abandoned, am I to me Izanagi? And am I Izanagi to her? Because if so, that means she’s my wife. It means I’m a part of the person who abandoned her, but more than that it means I have a chance to be a better me. It means I have a ‘for better or worse’ and even if I don’t remember the me who made that vow, we are the same person, and that matters to me. I take it serious. I wouldn’t abandon my wife. If we are Izanagi and Izanami to each other, that is more important to me than my character’s preferences or former plans. That’s my wife. I have a responsibility to her, and to myself. I have a chance to end the cycle of abuse. I have a chance to save someone. And even if I don’t remember her, and don’t remember making that promise, if we are to each other those two, it doesn’t matter, and it’s my wife memory or no. And I would put everything else aside for that. That isn’t pity. It’s responsibility sure but not in a begrudging way. In a desperately important choice of love. I would chose the spouse a part of me vowed to love over everything, because they’re me even if I can’t remember, and even if I never do. I would love and become who I need to be, because if that’s my wife, it matters, and it will always matter. The question is if I have that responsibility, if I have that bond. Because I don’t know if I am Izanagi to her. And I know my thoughts and my answers, but you can’t tell someone they love you. And I don’t know if I am to her, and if she does, and I don’t know how to know. So I don’t know what to do. It’s about what I want and who I am being tied to a determinate framework, and not having the other half of the equation, and if I have to guess, trying to figure out what the right thing is to do.
#and I feel like this will still somehow be misinterpreted as something it’s not#but idk how else to say it at this point#ask#anonymous#r’s p4 run#why does everyone think this is about guilt and pity. it’s about right and wrong and loyalty and partnership and values and identity#‘you can’t tell someone they love you’ but isn’t that what you’re doing to yourself?’ — NO. it’s not!!! I love her regardless. not#maybe in the specifically amorous way but deeply. and I will regardless. but I can’t be her husband if she doesn’t view me that way. and#that’s ok! if she would be happier moving on or just doesnt and we go on as friends that’s fine! I am happy to become a new me or bring an#old me back to life and reinhabit him. I don’t like ‘want’ to date her and don’t know if that’s ok. I want to know what she wants#because that impacts what I do. I’m a third of a person in this game. and I can’t make myself be the friend or the husband to her. I can’t#choose if people see me as the whole or the fragment or which fragment. I can only live the best I can as whatever I am#but regardless I want to do right by those a part of me is bound to. just what that means changes and it changes based on a framework I hold#only minimal control over. and that makes ot all so complicated. but it matters so much.#I would be just as happy as Ryung-gu the gay single guy into Kanji as I would Ryung-gu Izanagi the part god trying to love his wife gently.#but I don’t know what I am so I don’t know what to do. which to be which is right. which I am to anyone else. and I can’t control what I am#and am not. so I’m under enormous stress
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ok my dndads queer hc post randomly gets notes but i disagree w many of the takes now so im updating it . spoiler warning theres a WHOLE lot of lezzies . just doing the dads kiddads and teens HOWEVER i will say that mark likely is for sure a lezzer
darryl: bisexual and probably the most cisgender one here but he's actually SO cis that it becomes almost gnc . he/him
ron: transhet guy but he thinks his transition is like very unique to him and everyone else is doing it the exact same as each other so he doesnt really get that hes Transgender bc he thinks everyone else is doing it in a really different way than him all together . not in an angsty way hes perfectly okay w that . he/him
henry: trans bi guy we know this to be true . he/him but if you called him they/them prns he would be like well yknow ive never thought about that before but you know what go right ahead (: he doesnt exactly enjoy it but he appreciates just how gosh-darn nonbinary positive you are that he'd still encourage it
glenn: bisexual and like .... hes cis he doesnt really care abt gender much but when nick came out as trans he definitely said something about like . "dude if i was trans? id totally use they/them pronouns thats sick as fuck" and then moved on and this sort of haunted nick for a while . he/him but again he doesnt really care
jodie: cis and bisexual but in such a boring way that he might as well be straight
sparrow: tgirl lesbian who was out at one point but is not now for Normalcy Reasons . she/her in theory
lark: transneu nonbinary and aroace . not out about either of these things but not really as a like Actively Closeted thing they just dont really think abt it . they/he in theory
terry jr: tgirl lesbian also but this time out AND butch . she/he
grant: gay of course . and like .... he is cis and this wont change but he'd be a good deal happier if he was more gnc i think
nick: tguy butch lesbian . he mostly but he doesnt really care that much
link: kinda-stealth tboy (not really intentionally or anything he just doesnt really see it as relevant that often so most people dk) and gay . he/him but he doesnt really care that much
taylor: honestly idk what i think is going on w his gender but i DO know hes aro and bi . give me some time to think on that ok
scary: out nonbinary tfem lesbian!!!!! we know this!!!!!! she/it and when she writes her pronouns down she always writes the it in VERY BIG AGGRESSIVE HANDWRITING to make it clear that its SUBVERSIVE AND WEIRD
normal: bisexual tgirl . currently in a like . Questioning Phase in s2 i feel like ..... her turmoil abt being a Normal Son is tied to that . any pronouns but she primarily
hermie: bigender (girl + boy) gaybian :3 was an open bisexual tguy originally but around the poison ivy era had some Gender Complexity . he/she but certain Method Personas have diff pronoun leans whereas normal herm is pretty 50/50
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a little life update :-)
(pls help i need advice)
so
i have this friend. two friends actually. i went to visit them recently (june)
friend 1, lets call her cat had asked friend two, lets call her bee, to move down with her. bee agreed. issues immediately started. bee was off her meds and didnt want to get back on them, and started picking fights with cat, treating her badly and etc bc thats what bee used to do when she still lived with her mom. pick fights when her mood dropped and get into screaming matches (tho its not like her mom didnt also pick fights with her)
cats telling me abt this at this time and i feel bad bc i feel like i wasnt being a good friend mostly bc i didnt have the energy to hear abt how terrible it was going for her. i was going thru a lot when it started which isnt her fault or my fault, but i feel bad for not being more supportive. so cat stopped telling me abt it, bc i didnt know what to do or how to fix things. i thought stuff resolved itself but i went and visited and it hasnt. really.
so i arrive. bee doesnt come with cat to pick me up, which, ok disappointing but i understood she was tired. she didnt come to eat with us either. which also sad
next day cat asks for some rent money to get herself lunch, bc she forgot to make smth to eat before leaving and cat couldnt and wouldnt give their rent money so she could get lunch. so she asked us to bring her lunch from mcdonalds if she ordered somthing bc she had points on the app, and we had to decide tht if we are driving tht far out to where she works we might as well do something over there. cat asks if we should invite her partner with us and i agreed bc i wanted to meet him. we go to pick up her lunch, she asks me to buy her something rather than ordering smth off the app, which, feels :/ to assume ill just buy it for her. i would have if she asked but she just sent me her order. mybe an asshole move of my to say 'uhhh sure if ur able to order it off the app???'
get the food, fight thru traffic to get to her, have to fight thru parking traffic to get out of where she works. we end up visiting this old military fort and hang out for a few hours and when we come back we think bee is asleep. its like. 7:30? 8:00?
so i try to inflate the blow up bed i got for them to use for when they have other guests sleep over and me and cats bf wake her up while im trying to figure out how to work it so she comes out and snaps at us. i apologize for being loud, promise to be quieter but im inflating the air mattress so i might be loud for a few minutes. the ENTIRE time im inflating it shes standing there arms crossed glaring at us and clearing her throat the entire time. and maybe its just me but??? i find that to be a little fucking rude tbqh. me and the bf are guests and its making me feel unwelcome and regretting the money i spent to come visit her. anyways cat comes out from the bathroom bc bee is still there clearing her throat with her arms crossed even after i finished fixing up the air mattress, and its quiet as hell bc me and bf are both uncomfy. cat gets mad and upset bc were guests in their home and she shouldnt be treating her like tht. shes upset we woke her up but surprise surprise shes even MORE upset i met cats partner before hers bc she wanted it to all be 'together' even tho i agreed to meet bf bc i did! want to meet him! and that we went to the fort without her.
anyways.
i apologize to her abt that bc i wanted to meet him but shes like 'no cat knew i wanted to do this thing' which fair.
the rest of the week goes ok. i get to meet her partner and theyre so nice and funny and i was super excited to meet them. we hit off great. we get lunch with one of cats friends, bee remarks abt 'oh i used to get so upset abt ppl being happier than me, enjoyed making ppl unhappy and would go out of my way to do so, bc i didnt like that they were happy and i wasnt' i buy bee a present for her birthday and u kno week ends i go home, and turns out bees partner comes out to her abt some things and bee freaks out, gets super upset and reacts really poorly. starts crying and going off abt being betrayed and etc.
turns out partner breaks up with her the next day bc they were uncomfortable with the reaction and then she starts crying and going off again abt feeling betrayed and upset and wanting to kill herself and tht they told her they loved her and would never leave and etc etc etc amongst other 'its not faiiiir' reactions. i still hold the opinion she was upset bc they broke up with her first.
cat calls her out for her behavior and that shes saying some very inappropriate things and tht ex isnt an awful person. bee ends up demanding all the gifts she gave ex back and wanted to know what ex would be doing with special gifts they got her before they both broke up.
i honestly end up quite. disgusted? with her behavior bc any time she broke up with someone while she lived separately from cat, shed ghost us and wed only get her side of the story. cat all but ends up moving in with her partner bc bee refuses to clean up after herself and keeps making a mess of things and its just a bad living situation.
cat tells bee tht shes not thinking of renewing their lease at the end of the year bc she cant handle living like this and bee lashes out. ends up making a mess of their kitchen and breaking some of cats things.
she also uses special non stick stuff of cats and uses metal on it (which ur not supposed to do) and keeps using cats own dishes and dishes she got from her grandma and doesnt clean them or anything.
my thing is. i dont know what to do. i kinda wanna stop our friendship bc im upset at how shes treating our other mutual friend. but i dont know if i should talk to her bc ive asked cat if i should try and talk to her to get her to see tht shes not being a good friend and cats told me not to, mostly bc she refuses to see shes wrong. im leaning towards wanting to follow her advice bc she has been living with bee but also it feels so scummy not to say anything esp when i know shes going to be going thru a difficult time in the next few months. however if i talk to her, i dont want to cause her to lash out at bee or have any of her things that are still at their apartment broken bc bees already proven to lash out and break other peoples things when shes upset at them, and i dont want to make it any worse for her.
bee would tend to ghost us when she was stll living with her mother, so much so tht we wouldnt hear from her for weeks or months, esp when she was feeling bad. i would try to reach out to her just to make sure she was fucking alive lmao. im worried if i were to reach out and ask abt all this and end with our friendship splitting off, shed do something drastic like hurt herself. i want to reach out and try to salvage what i feel is a dissolving friendship but i also dont want to be friends with this type of person unless shes worked on herself. i still love and care for her but like i know who i would stick by if i had to which... feels bad to say and sucks but th fact is i am closer with cat, mostly bc when bee would ghost us me and cat would still talk and we have more in common.
i want to talk and ask her why she would do and say these things and treat ppl she loves like this but ive been told not to but it would feel wrong not to at least. reach out. i dont know what to do.
AITA?
#cara speaks#the aita at the end is a joke but genuinely#i dont know what to do here#pls dont feel. obligated to respond to this or give advice i just do not know what to do
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Silly little Greystar AU i made a while ago but i wish to share it here :33
Yeen rambles #8
ok so grey is friends with fire in this au, Redtail is grey's mentor. Red gets killed, grey is sad, but he moves on. then Lionheart dies and grey is very sad about this, somehow tho, he is able to pick himself up again. THEN HE ACCIDENTALLY KILLS WHITECLAW and he blames himself. he can't possibly recover from this, and hes kinda just there as a depressed blob. fire is sympathetic to his friend, but he reminds grey that this has happened before and he can still do stuff to help the clan out. grey does so reluctantly and then meets Silverstream and that kinda makes him so much happier. he helps out a little more around the clan while also hunting for silver, etc. he becomes much friendlier and sociable. him and fire have their argument, and they fall out and they stop talking for a while. in this period, Silverstream dies and grey is absolutely destroyed. he ignores almost everyone ESPECIALLY fireheart since fire isn't exactly sympathetic towards him since he told Grey it was a bad idea to be seeing silver so greystripe hates him for that. he decides to keep his kits in tc, starting things up with rc. he's particularly nasty to fire for getting away with things that grey would never. he says that bluestar was picking favourites, and actually becomes friends with Longtail. He does the little things, like snitch on fire for meeting with princess, etc. when cloudkit was accepted into the clan, greystripe is fuming. his kits were belittled and everyone resented him for it but cloudkit gets it easyy and everyones ok when fireheart does it?? hes also mad about the fact that fire tells bluestar when his own apprentice was ready to become a warrior.
when the whole thing with tigerclaw being exiled happens, fire is made deputy and grey is beyond pissed. so when cloudtail gets his name and the other apprentices dont, since grey is very close with longtail, he's understandably mad. so HE organises the thing with brightpaw, longtail and swiftpaw. with longs permission ofc, they all go to fight the dogs, but realise that they're severely outnumbered. grey and longtail manage to climb a tree in time but swiftpaw and brightpaw go for the same tree, leaving bright to the dogs. immediately, greystripe and longtail try to help, they all survive, but bright is scarred the same, longtail loses his tail (get it im so funny) swiftpaw has horrible scars on his flank, and is missing some of his ear, and greystripe has scars around his muzzle and a long one on his back. they returned to camp where they were treated in the medicine den. fireheart insists the apps be given warrior names since their injuries were the worse and they were pretty sure they both weren't gonna make it. so bluestar gives bright paw the name lost face and swiftpaw the name stolenpelt. AND after grey and long have healed, she changes their names too. greystripe is now scarredstripe, and longtail is stubtail (we love our ablist qween bluestar!!!!) undertandably, grey and long are super pissed. grey fights fire over this, telling him to knock some sense into bluestar and change their names. fire says he cant do anything but grey doesnt belive him and is super annoyed. scarredstripe and stubtail now, really push for lostface and stolenpelt to become full warriors, not left to rot in the elders den. scarredstripe takes lostface to train with instead of cloudtail, because he resents cloud for being firehearts kin, and being literally the reason they are all horribly scarred.
so bluestar still has that thing going on with rc since grey decided to keep his kits in tc, which are now apps, featherpaw is mentored by fireheart, which grey hates. stormpaw is mentored by whitestorm. (He menored two at a time cuz y not) bluestar is convinced that it was a rc patrol that attacked them, so she planns the ambush on rc instead of wc. fireheart goes and tells them about the ambush, and how he wants peace, etc. but is CAUGHT by scarredstripe fire however, is unaware of this. so scarred goes straight to bluestar and snitches on fireheart. blue is obviously pissed bc she has her whole "everyone is a traitor" thing going on. she says shes still gonna ambush rc at fourtrees, fire doesnt know this tho, he thinks his plan is still working. so when ravenpaw comes to deliver the message, blue says she'll think about it (jk!!!! she's lying!!!!!) she brings a hefty amount of warriors to fourtrees and as soon as she arrives she orders everyone to attack. fireheart is extremely distraught about this and tells bluestar to think about their offer. bluestar snaps at him and says she knows he planned this meeting with rc. everyone is fighting, lostface and stolenpelt included since grey insisted that they could hold themselves in battle. instead the scene that bluestar has in the border skirmish happens now, but its scarredstripe who breaks up misty, stone and bluestar. hes about to fight them off, but fireheart steps in and tells them how bluestar is their mother. IN FRONT OF FUCKING EVERYONE. so anyways now literally all of rc and tc know. the battle was gonna escalate horribly but all of a sudden rc retreats. tc think they have won but NOPE. they retreated bc the dogs came and crashed the party. tc scrambles back to their clan immediately, where fire is demoted as deputy for tellin rc about the ambush and actually making things worse. she says that scarredstripe was right about a lot of things. lostface and stolenpelt can fight as warriors, dogs attacked him and stubtail, not an rc patrol like she thought, (even tho fire already said they were dogs she dont care) and she admits that fireheart did get special treatment, bc she trusted him, but she says that he cant just waltz around doing whatever he wants. SO THEN SHE MAKES SCARREDSTRIPE THE DEPUTY. now that he's deputy, he orders multiple patrols to go out and scan the territory. the scene where fireheart find the prey trail happens, and he goes to tell bluestar about it but scarred is liek "nuh uh gotta tell me buddy" so fire tells him his whole theory about how darkstripe told tigerstar aboout the rc battle and thats when he made the trail. so scarredstripe tells bluestar, but obviously takes all the credit. (absolute goofer) so bluestars like "what r we gonna do then?" and fire pushes himself in and tells her about his plan to lure the dogs off the gorge. so blue is like "ok if ur plan works u can be deputy again." so the same thing happens as it does in the books, fire jumps to save her bc he wants her to survive, (SPOILER ALERT: SHE DOESNT!!!!) so fire carries her body back to camp with misty and stone. since grey is lead now, he firstly exiles darkstripe for all he did yk. he also changes lostface, stolenpelt and stubtail's names to brightheart, swiftclaw, and longleap. silly cant change his name tho since hes literally leader L. he also makes longleap the deputy, god knows he deserves it. so he goes to the moonstone with cinderpelt and gets his silly little lives from bluestar, redtail, lionheart, whiteclaw, oakheart, yellowfang, spottedleaf, brindleface and silverstream so that whole thing happens.
wow that was long. this is literally only part one, and coming from someone who has only read the first arc, ill add more to it but this is the basic premise of it. oh also longleap and scarredstripe r mates bc i said so yea.
#yeenrambles#this took ages#i hope u like it#silly little au#i thought of this a while ago#ill flesh it out later#thought this would be a silly thing to share#:3#hehe
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Ok, detailed oc questions, here we go!!!!
6 Masa, Quem'e
10 Remy, Finch, Kikki
14 Frey, Kikki
27 Kikki & Finch
29 Frey, Masa, Berro
33 Frey, Kikki, Remy
35 Frey, Finch
42 Finch
49 Masa
I always feel a bit bad because I'm not sure if the long asks are a bother or not.....
for eel im the one who feels bad, i barely remember any of your ocs- ALSO i love answering thesw questions i dont mind if there are a lot :]
6 Headcanon VA:
u h u h h uh h uh m u hm /. well for q i would have to say. amethyst su imnsorry
masarath i dont know how to describe but it's a mix between yola (specificially when she hits higher notes) and this specific mikuo i guess... no specific va i dont have one yet :(
10 Do they have any markings, piercings or scars?:
rem gets some pretty sick ear piercings after he gets. fucking elf ears-
finch is too young to have piercings but he has a lot of scars from fucking up can opener :(
and kikki has a massive scar on the back of her head from when she fell into primp. ow
14 Can they cook? Can they bake?:
frey doesnt know how to cook ramen but she can make amazing cakes & cook 3 course meals. she just cant do anything so Simple
kikki can cook pretty okay-ish. she likes making pancakes!
27 What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?:
well as of rigt now their parents, their only direct family members other than each other, are sorta....UH gone. but before and after being gone they were incredibly loving, caring and considerate. they all managed to work through their problems together, and they were very happy!
after their parents disappeared, they were sorta adopted by the entire village, especially one spector...
after kikki's whisked away by ace, finch is taken care of mainly by spector
29: What was childhood like?
frey and masa shared a childhood, so pretty similar for them. they lived in a small town with lots of Farms and a very small school, outside the city.
berro's childhood was a happy one, even if masa was sorta struggling when she first Acquired him. he wasnt quite spoiled, but he sure got a lot of gifts on his birthday, got every dress he asked for, could go to all kinds of places during vacation, etc.
33: How have they changed over time?
well remy definitely was a lOOOT more rude when he first got to primp. he was still very awkward, stuttered a lot, etc. but he was also just mean. the only limit he had was that he wouldnt make fun of people for wearing dresses and that's sort of it. he's a lot nicer now, and a LOT happier
kikki used to be a lot more happy-go-lucky before she was teleported into primp. while in primp, the only thing that could make her feel anthing other than totally hopeless was ajax. gay [queerplatonic
i dont know how much frey has changed yet.......
35: What are they like as a friend?
frey's a pretty good friend. she'll give you music you like on your birthday (if she can remember...) and she tries to be there whenever she can. if she forgets you exist, she might go years without talking to you, but once she remembers you again she'll treat you with the same care she did initially
finch is small and loud and will show you VEERY SINGLE PUZZLE he solved. he'll force you to play layton on his beat-up modded ds until you've memorized the lore and then he'll make you play that Room game too. you will never escape
42. What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?
ate a screw
49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?
really, REALLY not wanting to grow up, desperately trying to keep things the same or just normal while they keep moving forward. having to take on responsibilities you've been trying to avoid, help people you hate, and learn to be kind even when you really really just want to kill people (and learning when it's okay to just. kill people. mmmetaphorically of course)
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risa im so sad :(
so i like this guy right (when i eventually reveal myself i’ll show you the texts) but he’s so hard to read and idk if i have a chance with him… he doesn’t like ldr’s and i’m in a different state than him (and rn i’m in a completely different continent) but the way he talks to me makes me feel so <333
we’ve been friends for a while now like almost 3 years and he’s been so supportive of me through surgery and also one of our mutual friends was being really disrespectful (and when i unfriended her and she tried talking shit about me to him, he shut her down immediately)
AND TODAY HE MESSAGED ME and he was teasing me about my spam acc’s username (because it’s related to suna) and then he replied to my message about not adding him on the switch and he was like “i was so excited when i got a friend request but then i saw it wasn’t you” and then he was like “but no it’s ok me and my switch can wait” and it was so cute :(
AND WHENEVER I HAVE DRAMA WITH SOMEONE, or someone disrespects me and i tell him he’s like “i don’t like them” or like “i will join you in not liking them” and he’s just so :((((( and he brought up the idea of us playing uno in the club together because we both don’t drink but we’d still wanna go to the club with our friends. and when i had a falling out with our ex mutual friend and his best friend, i asked if he could still come visit me someday so i can show him around where i live and the stores and THEN he can cut me off forever and then he was like “IM NOT GONNA CUT YOU OFF AFTER YOU SHOW ME STORES IN ___” AND I WAS JUST SO 😔😔😔😩😩😩
AND WHEN I WAS HAVING A HUGE DILEMMA I WAS LIKE “SOS I NEED HELP ASAP” and usually he takes weeks to reply but whenever i say like sos or i need help he replies straight away and he was like “hello (my name) i am here to help as requested” AND THEN HE GAVE ME SUCH GOOD ADVICE AND HE ALWAYS MATCHES MY ENERGY AND HAS THE SAME OVER-EMOJI-USAGE TENDENCY THAT I HAVE. but i’m literally convinced he does not like me back and that he’s just really friendly and only sees me platonically 🙁
also he’s pulling a cfm! suna rn because he had this on and off thing with this girl in 2020 and it kind of continued into 2021 (they’d always go into the talking stage and then something would happen and he’d leave but then she’d convince him to come back blah blah blah) and my friends are saying stuff like that never lasts and it’s better to just confess and get it over with and if he doesn’t like me i can move on. BUT I DONT WANNA DEAL WITH THE REJECTION ABD I ALREADY KNOW HE DOESNT LIKE ME BACK, I DONT GET THE “i have feelings for you” VIBES FROM HIM🙃🙃
- so sorry for the long rant and pls let me know if i made you uncomfy, a very distressed AYC anon. 😔😔🫂🫂
YOU DIDNT MAKE ME UNCOMFY AT ALL BUT I TOOK FOREVER TO REPLY TO THIS IM SORRY 😭😭😭 how do i say this.. i've had kindaaa similar experiences with someone (not on my current bf but someone else from 2 years(?) back i think) and literally i just confessed HSJSHWKHWJW idk he def didn't like me then and he rejected me too so i was like ok but we should still be friends and he was like yea ofc but the thing is, since he alr knew how i felt about him, it was much easier for me to just playfully flirt and joke around with him and like a month later he was like I LIKE YOU TOO 😭😭😭 GDIWHKWHEKE he said he liked the confidence and hes weak against someone confessing bc then it makes him see them in a different light??? so idk you think about it. WHAT IF THIS HAPPENS TO U RIGHT honestly, if you believe just keeping it in would make u happier then dont do it but if something in u keeps nagging about the what-ifs then DO IT BABE 🙏 if hes as sweet as you make him out then hes not gonna cut u off bc of it ITS GONNA BE OK AND U GOT ME SO DONT WORRY ilysm dont be sad 😡
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Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)
The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~
-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):
I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.
-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!
By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::
1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.
I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.
I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.
I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.
2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!
I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going! Very powerful!.
I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~
I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!
I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”. he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T
-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):
Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!
-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.
-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”
-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.
-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~
-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well” while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~
Side Notes:
Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.
Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.
Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!
No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.
Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school.
Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!
Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD
Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.
I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).
I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~
Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~
Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.
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TOP 10 MANHWAs
if anything good came out of 2020, it’s my discovery of manhwas.
well, it’s not like i’ve never read a single manhwa in the past 15+ years but tbh, the ratio of manhwa:manga i consume on a weekly basis has jumped exponentially this year. previously it was like 1:99 and now it’s like 90:10 LMAO.
so, just to remind myself that the world is still full of good things, i had to make this list. which i will probably edit in the future, if i can be bothered to. :)
anyhow, this list was not made in any particular order, just whichever came into mind. it’s loooong so be prepared! (I’ve read way more titles than mentioned but just included the ones worth checking out)
for whoever stumbles across this list, i hope some of these resonate with you and i hope they make you as happy as they made me.
pic credits: https://geekculture.co/geeks-guide-to-transmigration-novels-avoid-death-at-all-costs/
1. Ebony
https://mangadex.org/title/41838/ebony
Bahahah omg he looks evil there! But our dearest archduke is hardly that aww. Soz, I just ripped off the covers of the manhwa cos I can’t find a panel I liked more than another. I mean, this manhwa is a GEM. I can’t even begin to describe this because everything about it blew me away. This is not something you read when you are craving for fluff, or just wanna have something brainless after a hard day at work or if you just wanna have some eye candy lol. This is something you pick up on a weekend, when you have time, because you need those hours to digest, appreciate, clutch your chest, tear a little because you find yourself falling in love with these characters. It doesn’t have any of that cliche isekai, romance, revenge themes going on. It has a solid plot, backed by incredible characters, beautifully woven by the authors and artist with incredible pacing that keeps you on your toes and keeps you looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe I would have been happier if I found it after it was completed lol. HAVE I CONVINCED YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANNA READ IT?! like, idk, just go. JUST GO READ IT GDI.
p.s. it says there romance but naaaaaaah, dont go in with that expectation. :) this story is so much more than that.
2. Bring the love
https://mangadex.org/title/44472/bring-the-love
This...this!!! THIS MANHWA NEEDS MORE LOVE. If you need a lot of fluff, a little, ok maybe quite a bit of sadness and tragedy, sweet sweet romance, cutie pies, please, look no further!!! Again, pacing, character development are so important to me and this manhwa aces it. I love the 2 MCs very much. And the side characters too. :)
3. A Stepmother's Märchen
https://mangadex.org/title/39474/a-stepmother-s-m-rchen
When I first read this, i fucking cried. like please don’t ask me why. it’s not like its an absolute tragedy but I was just rooting for the MC so much and I really want for everything to go her way. That’s how much I adore this MC!!! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO NORA! HAHAHHA. okay soz. I need to keep this spoiler-free.
Anyhoo, there is nothing typical about this time travel plot. Sure, she goes back to try to undo the stuff that went wrong but phew, she certainly changed things so much everything that comes her way have made it so her previous experiences can hardly help aaaaaaand that’s what makes it fun! I sometimes wish the pacing could be a little more consistent, and there could be more characters I could love a little more wholeheartedly (so i wont have to be in so much despair when i read this sometimes lol) but omg the art, isn’t it pretty?! I’ve re-read this soooooo many times but the art blows me away all the time. And have I already mentioned how much I love her?! I LOVE YOU SHULI! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!
4. Lady Baby
https://mangadex.org/title/34691/lady-baby
I literally LOL-ed when I saw this cover. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY. WHAT LADY BABY?! ehehehe. okay anyway, uhm, this is already incredibly popular. im not sure if i need to elaborate but yes, it’s adorbs!!! i dont think i like the MC as much as i love her family lol. and everyone else who adores her. im looking forward to when they get older. :) actually not really. please stay cute for as long as yall can! but yeah, i do wish the plot can move a lil faster. i want to see more character development in the other kids too COME ON!
5. Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess
https://mangadex.org/title/47754/death-is-the-only-ending-for-the-villainess
am i allowed to reveal how shallow i am rn? like the previous choices were all like ‘wow-deep-plot’, ‘wow-character-development’ and this one i just included cos of AESTHETICS ALONE?! the novel covers are breathtaking!!! the manhwa art is amazing as well. and the harem is great! LOL. as for plot... uhm... it’s alright. it’s pretty engaging and i quite like the MC, she’s smart and independent and i love how she views them all antagonistically at all times HAHAHHA. her past is kinda... weird though and i do wish they’d stop referencing it. cos... girl why do you wanna go back to reality!!! stay here! it’s way more exciting!
i love the whole isekai/reincarnate/transmigration theme and this is honestly one of the better, not-so-cliche or cheesy ones HA.
6. Beware of the Villainess!
https://mangadex.org/title/47286/beware-of-the-villainess
do you already see the whole villainess theme?! am i suppose to start feeling embarrassed about my choices?! NO! cos this one is AWESOME!
again, another wildly popular title. for good reasons. it’s hilarious, our MC is as real and candid as it gets and LOOK AT THAT BLUE HAIRED BEAUTY. DO YOU SEE HIM?! IMPLANT HIM INTO YOUR MEMORY NOW!
it’s highly entertaining and breaks all isekai-reincarnation-villainess plot stereotypes. definitely one of the titles i look forward to every week.
7. Who Made Me a Princess
https://mangadex.org/title/32506/who-made-me-a-princess
what? why did i choose this?
BECAUSE OF CLAUDE OF COURSE. ahahaha. okay aside from the amaaaaaaazing art and the beautiful people, the plot is not too bad. a little extreme at times but it’s interesting enough to keep me going. it’s currently on hiatus though and i was highly annoyed by how the first season ended. (YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.)
i hope the plot can move faster in the next season! and that our dearest MC athanasia can you know, finally be a little more useful... like omg just tell lucas already!!! and tbh girl, no matter which guy you choose, i approve. :D
8. The Flower That Was Bloomed by a Cloud
https://mangadex.org/title/37648/the-flower-that-was-bloomed-by-a-cloud
i featured this before, mostly out of frustration HAHAHA. do you see why i chose this cover?! yeah, i support this (unpopular) pairing okay! the other one is doomed!!! no matter what the author is trying to do now!! I DONT SUPPORT IT!!! lol.
anyway, i had to feature this cos the art is unique! and the story is great. :) and i looooooove listening to the ost while i read it. it starts out kinda slow but as the pace picks up, you won’t be able to stop. and you find yourself conflicted at various points. it did win an award for a reason.
no matter what, i still think dowun is best for her okay. it’s dowun or nothing. he’s devoted to her, we all know that! he just needs to ditch that annoying female guard!!! ok yknw what, maybe nothing is better. :/ *cries*
9. Solo Leveling
https://mangadex.org/title/31477/solo-leveling
why do i even bother? this manhwa is popular enough.
the art is great. the MC is great. i use him and his gang as my wallpaper.
im just not sure i like how this season’s plot is progressing. :/ but i guess it brings us nearer to solving the mystery in the first leg of the manhwa. i just enjoyed the whole part of him leveling up and now that he isn’t really leveling up anymore... idk. am i hoping for more plot shit like bleach (oh wow now u quincy?)... idk man. anywho, no regrets starting on this series and marathon-ing it to death.
cross fingers the plot picks up and doesnt get too complicated for its own good.
10. The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion
https://mangadex.org/title/31606/the-reason-why-raeliana-ended-up-at-the-duke-s-mansion
okay, tbh, by the time i reached 10, i still have like 15 other series i was considering LMAO. i even considered lengthening this top 10 to top 15. but that would just be more of me and my nonsense. so... why did i choose this?
COS I LOVE THE 2 MCs!!! they’re adorable. the plot is again, kinda far-fetched at times (i literally laugh my head off at some parts) but it’s isekai-reincarnation okay! anything is possible in whatever magical crap country you end up in! lol. and i like how straightforward it is... in the sense there’s no 2nd lead. like okay i mean they are there but we all know they have no chance. oops. sorry!
and cos i can’t give up on the other titles i have, imma just list them down, without pictures... cos im tired. HA.
11. Doctor Elise
https://mangadex.org/title/29474/doctor-elise
Kudos to the huge improvement in art style lmao. The good... lovable MCs, engaging plot. The bad... sometimes lengthy, incredulous medical moments (i work in the medical field so i... idk. sometimes this borders on iryu LMAO and i need to remind myself this is romance) otherwise, this is a highly highly entertaining read.
12. Seduce the Villain's Father
https://mangadex.org/title/46775/seduce-the-villain-s-father
This is another of my ‘father-love’ whims. MC is adorable and ML is handsome. enough said.
13. The Villainess Lives Twice
https://mangadex.org/title/49644/the-villainess-lives-twice
This is like a lesser version of Ebony and Bring the Love combined HAHAHA. The plot and premise is great and it’s awesome to marathon! I don’t find myself loving the MC as much as I should but the ML is a darling! I just find her a little toooooooo gloomy. Like come on girl, be more spunky!
14. The Stereotypical Life of a Reincarnated Lady
https://mangadex.org/title/46790/the-stereotypical-life-of-a-reincarnated-lady
I dont know why I like this so much HAHAHAHA. It hardly has a plot. I just find the MC and ML amusing i guess lol.
15. I'm Stanning the Prince
https://mangadex.org/title/45586/i-m-stanning-the-prince
Sometimes I wonder if I should be ranking this higher but I kinda feel this manhwa is trying to achieve too much with an underpowered MC. I love her... but I just don’t like how she’s just a pawn of everyone else and I dont know how she can change this situation of hers. It’s cute though. the MC and ML. and the ML reminds me so much of american/jap Mackenyu.
16. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass
I HAD TO. the art is so pretty! but girl, dont use the hour glass so much! you look a little too old! i would appreciate it if MC stops basing too much of her moves on the “past” tho like idk you are gonna sound unoriginal soooooon like develop your own thoughts soon okay? <3
17. Inso's Law
ANOTHER ONE. omg. im a lil on the fence regarding this but i like MC too much. and her harem LOL. i dont see where the plot is going either but i just hope for a happy end... ):
18. Why Are You Doing This, Duke?
HAHAHA. this is sooooo sooooooo cute, i would have ranked it top 15 if it wasnt licensed by tapas tho cos they are a joke. WHY NOT TAPPY GDI.
19. Miss Not-So Sidekick
Uh-oh. Is this a top-20 list now? anyway, the MC for this series is GOLD. im not liking where it’s currently heading tho thus the lower ranking.
20. IRIS - Lady with a Smartphone
omg IVE NEGLECTED THIS FOR TOO LONG. lemme go buy more chapters hahahaha. it’s a tad too lengthy... otherwise i like the MC and yummy ML!
still not enough?
Special Mentions - Okay, these will be unranked cos I don’t think these are that good but probably still worth a read.
I've Become the Villainous Empress of a Novel - this is new, im looking forward to how it progresses wheeeee.
Lady to Queen - It’s a ruthless manhwa. There was a point i started reading all sorts of sadistic content (i was running out of content i swear) and this was one of the better ones. I appreciate the MC very much. the plot now is a little weird and im a bit wary of the MC’s sister... hopefully the ML can be more useful. he’s pitiful though. but dude come on, dont rely on the wrong gal.
Goodbye, In-law - I’m not sure if i like the current progress buuuuuuut MC and ML are cute so who cares.
The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes - plot is still engaging. MC and ML are cute. i dont know where the plot is heading towards though.
A Falling Cohabitation - this is interesting and fun but a lil lengthy.
Light and Shadow - the sequel is out!!! i highly enjoyed this entire series!!! i would have probably ranked it a lil higher if i did this post earlier but too many series have overtaken this in my heart lol.
This Girl Is a Little Wild - is the hiatus ending yet? i would add it back to top 20 if it came back LOL. it’s highly entertaining tho. ML is adorable.
The Duchess With an Empty Soul - pretty nice. MC and ML are a little boring. i think it can end soon. LMAO.
A Capable Maid - it’s amusing how she gets her powers for all sorts of situations lol. the prince is creepy tbh. and im secretly rooting for the other king hehe.
Beware of the Brothers! - it’s cute and heart-wrenching at the same time! not too sure im digging the latest plot development but okay... i’ll take it. they’re all cuties.
Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister - hehehe. it’s cute. duke is kinda silly but the latest chapter made me squeal!!!
The Evil Lady's Hero - idk where the plot is going but MC and ML are adorable!!!
The Dragon Next Door - HAHAHA. it’s hilarious.
The Youngest Princess - she’s growing uppppp noooooooooooo
Virtues of the Villainess - ginger is hilarious. i dont see where the plot is going tho... and cant say i like the ML yet. i dont even get to see him much, hello?!
The Justice of Villainous Woman - pretty wholesome... i like the MC! (the ML is fine. no one else to contend with so...) can u end already?! lol.
Amina of the Lamp - hey, what happened to this? it’s pretty inconsistent but i do like the MC and ML... and the art...
The Villain's Savior - this is some sadistic shit. i reserve it for when i feel sadistic. i pretty much wanna see MC happy but idk if she’s making the right choices. :/
I Don't Want to Be Empress! - HAHAHAHA uhm it’s getting interesting. i just want ML to step up more...
La dolce vita di Adelaide - I FINISHED THIS! and it’s wholesome, feel-good and cute. some parts felt a lil extra but ah whatever.
The Black Haired Princess - plot. move. faster!!! otherwise the MC and ML are pretty cute.
The Abandoned Empress - im a lil on the fence but i know how popular this series is. it started out HORRIBLE. i hated the ML so much. and then i found the green hair boy creepy. like MC, you need better taste in boys. it’s certainly getting more interesting now though. so please, continue to make my money’s worth!!!
Lucia - i. am. not. guilty. of. anything. *smut warning* anyway go read the novel. it’s better. hehehe.
What's Wrong with Secretary Kim - i do not need to elaborate any further.
Past loves
I created this section just to remind myself, that what i could like one day, i could hate the next LOL.
The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - I know this is wildly popular. but i lost interest in it once she grew up. i dont think she’s particularly lovable. soz.
Survive as the Hero's Wife - another popular choice. I find the plot kinda boring now. MC and ML are cute though.
Sincerely: I Became a Duke's Maid - another popular one. again, boring plot. like cant it end yet? oh you mean we need to wait for the real female lead to show up? dont need luh.
I Am a Child of This House - wow. the plot is shit now. and i do not support the MC and her guard. soz. she’s OVERPOWERED tbh.
This Is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage - idk what happened but my enthusiasm for this died.
Charlotte and Her 5 Disciples - i don’t get it. i dont get their obsession for her.
#manhwa#fav manhwa#ebony#bring the love#a stepmother's marchen#lady baby#death is the only ending for the villainess#beware of the villainess#who made me a princess#the flower that was bloomed by a cloud#solo leveling#the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion
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Thoughts on shadamy? Or how you see the potential behind their dynamic? 🥺👉👈
gosh i havent thought that much about shadamy in awhile!! i was REALLLLY into it tho, just as much as i was into sonamy, like i honestly couldnt decide which i liked more.
(under read more cause once again i am Just Talk Talk Talk)
obviously now sonshadamy is the way
but ok well, i think i ship them more platonically firstofall (tho im not against romantically, we just haven't seen them together that many times? i would LOOOVE more interaction with them) and she'd be really good for helping him open up more about his thoughts and feelings, encourage him to be kind and thoughtful. people like to say that Sonic is a lot like Maria, and maybe they are similar!- Maria never got the chance to be adventurous or active though, and in SA2, Amy clearly reminded Shadow of Maria just as he was about to watch Earth be destroyed. She reminded and showed Shadow the actual meaning in Maria's words, what she wanted for Shadow and thats how he was able to save the world.
Amy's a really 'get into her feelings' kind of person and i can see her and Shadow having a few arguements and disagreements and lack of communication and understanding between them. It would def be really rocky at first (while Sonic on the other hand, just *understands* Shadow and leaves him be if needed, or confronts him directly and straight to the point). It would take a long time for Amy to really understand Shadow who's a closed door, and Amy's a open book and maybe that scares Shadow. He doesnt understand someone like her, who is so selfless and kind and lends a helping hand to anyone in need, and maybe he hates being on the other hand of that dynamic- he sees it as being weak, and Amy could teach him that theres bravery in kindness.
On a happier note tho, some activities i can see them enjoying together. Clearly Amy cant keep up with him in combat or speed, but she has a good endurance, and i can see her taking him out shopping or to local game arcades, or maybe help him with gardening. he grumbles and complains at the thought of being around people and doesnt like the center of attention but i think he'd think the experience is worth it
In battle, he'd be pretty annoyingly worried about Amy, she's not as strong or skilled as him and Sonic, or as elusive and cunning as Rouge- and you know, he wouldnt wanna lose someone close to him a second time, so he'd prob jump in front of Amy all the time and Amy would get soooo pissed off at him and theyd just get into a yelling match in the middle of the battlefield and everyone else is just face palming and its sooo awkward for everyone.
Finally, sonic who's known amy like his whole life, assures Shadow that shes more than capable of taking care of herself. Yes she was the damsel in distress in the past, but she's gotten stronger, not only for her friends but for herself and he's seen the improvement. it takes a lot of convincing to calm Shadow and so maybe he tries to work together more as a team with her. He's not used to that, so he'll still mess up and still try to get the most enemies defeated, but thats because he wants all the glory. it's still kinda annoying to Amy but he's trying i suppose!
Or maybe I'm giving Shadow too much credit, maybe he leaves Amy by herself TOO much, leaves her to fend for himself, refuses to work as a coordinated team. He's always worked alone, and when he doesn't its with Rouge, and its more like theyre fighting alone but together- if that makes sense. This irritates Amy cause 'arent we friends? friends look out for each other' and he'd be like, ive always been able to look out for myself' and she'll say 'yes but not all of us are Ultimate Lifeforms like you. What's all your power and strength for if not used to protect those who need you?' and once again she reminds him of Maria's promise. She's really good at humbling him and gently or harshly putting him back in his place depending on whats going on.
Amy of course finds herself stumped from time to time and goes to Rouge a lot for advice, to which Rouge is happy to help but says sometimes its best to leave things alone as she's learned to do when it comes to Shadow. Rouge is kinda relived too, now that Amy's trying to take over as some sort of caretaker for Shadow. Takes some of the stress out of the older girl's hair. Amy can't leave things alone though and just pushes and pushes Shadow until he snaps at her and lets her have it. It sucks but at least he's communicating. Again, Amys not one to back down and tells him that what he does hurts her and his friends. Shadow grumbles that he doesnt care but he doooes when it comes to Rouge and Amy, and eventually learns that to have the girls stop pestering him is to just *tell them* what hes thinking or feeling. He learns its just easier to do that than have them bothering him for days and days.
this is a lot of "amy makes shadow a better guy" so let me think of how Shadow helps Amy for once, okay so obvs i think he'd be up to sparring with her on a lower level to help her advance her skills. She becomes a much stronger fighter. Since she doesnt have the speed he or Sonic does, he teacher her to put all she has into her Piko Hammer, helps her go through rigorous training to better wield the weapon in a more convenient manner rather than just swinging her hammer around and wasting energy when it doesnt hit. He'll even rope Omega in who's more than happy to shoot a moving target. Amy will have to skillfully weave and dodge through it all, or use her hammer to block or deflect the projectiles.
I guess he'd tried to teach her to be more careful of the people she trusted, not to trust so easily and openly. But I think she'd be pretty adamant about it, after all, she trusted him pretty much as soon as she met Shadow, and when she met Omega (E 123 Gamma? sorry cant remember if theyre the same character), along with a bunch of other baddies. She's not afraid of getting hurt or being wrong or trying to be the try hard good guy, she cares more about giving second chances to those who want it. Shadow and Amy agree to disagree but its brought up when its relevant.
hopefully this is good enough?? idk the shadamy fanfics i read back in the day, Shadow was either a really emo guy in highschool or some guy in a gang or mafia, and along came amy this really preppy girl who'd bring him out of his shell and into the sunshine, until one day her life was in danger and he'd have to save her, and sonic was either the villian or some asshole jock kid who get jealous now that amy wasnt always on him, or it was shadow's dad LOL that was THE formula for shadamy fics back then.
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Poor Little Anxious Crybaby (Pt.13)
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Virgil seemed to be spending more and more time with Remus and Roman, not that anyone involved minded this change. But it wasnt the only thing that seemed to be changing.
This was the third week in a row in which Virgil seemed to be kept up for most of the night by dreams he couldnt understand. Sometimes he could make out the shapes of rabbits cats or mice, but rarely could he understand them.
"Maybe you just wanna be a mountain lion, I mean mountain lions could literally get away with ripping someone limb from limb, I'd wanna be a mountain lion," Remus said, running his fingers through Virgil's hair as Virgil lay across the couch.
"What I don't understand is why it would be waking you up, I mean, it's not like being a mountain lion is generally upsetting, right?" Roman said, pulling the hem of his sweater over his knees.
"Yeah. . . ." Virgil said, burying his face in Remus' stomach.
"Careful there bud, I gotta use that to digest stuff," Remus said, letting out a cackle as Virgil blew a raspberry against the skin.
"Well we dont need to focus on dreams now, anyone up for a game?" Roman said, shaking a controller.
"Ooohhh! I'll order pizza!" Remus said, bolting up off the couch. Virgil let out a whine at the loss of contact as his head landed on the couch pillows.
"Aaaawwweee, sorry Vivi, I'll come back in a little, but can you give me your order, Ro? You're usual?" Remus said, looking at both boys in turn.
"Cheese,,," Virgil mumbled.
"I'm not hungry," Roman said, bringing his legs closer to his chest. Remus seemed slightly upset by the response, but simply nodded and went to call the pizza place. Virgil moved closer to Roman, who draped an arm around him.
"Roro?. . ." Virgil said quietly.
"Hm?" Roman leaned his head on Virgil's.
"When we get back to school are you still gonna have to be friends with 'You-know-who' are you?" Virgil said, he hadnt thought about the kids at school for most of the summer, but it was nearly September, so the memory was slowly creeping back in.
Roman sat there for a few seconds, rubbing circle's into Virgil's back.
"I dont know Vivi. . . He's not exactly easy to get away from y'know?" Roman said sadly, Virgil buried his head in Roman's shoulder.
Virgil had known Inigo since they were kids, and they had never been friendly. But since becoming friends with Roman, Virgil had learned of even more reasons to despise the boy.
"I hope he and Brennan get together," Virgil muttered, casting a distinct glance at the sewing kit on the coffee table. Roman let out a soft chuckle, burying his head in Virgil's hair.
"That can be arranged," Remus said, sitting down next to the pair and draping himself across Virgil's back.
"Guuuyyyssss- you're crushing meeeeee," Virgil said, pouting.
"Not my fault you're so tiny," Remus said, resting his head in the crook of Virgil's neck.
"I'm only 4'8!" Virgil whined.
"Tinyyyyyy~" the twins chimed in unison.
Virgil had to admit that the feeling was nice, he was warm and happy, and for once in his life, he felt safe.
He and the twins spent a good portion of the day beating the crap out of fictional characters in a video game and stuffing their faces with pizza, Remus had taught Virgil how to make a volcano out of melted metal and an ant hill, much to Roman's distress.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow ok?" Virgil said as he stepped out the door to go home.
"Did you have fun kiddo?" Patton said as Virgil walked into the kitchen.
"Mhm," Virgil smiled as he rested his head on the kitchen counter.
"Dont forget to take your medication before dinner Virgil, I'm hoping the doctor will be right about it helping you sleep easier," Emile said, setting the bottle down next to Virgil.
"I wish they made this stuff in liquid form more often- how do you take all your stuff so easily?" Virgil said, raising an eyebrow at Emile.
"Its hard for me to, but usually if I take the water first and slip the medicine in after it's easier because it's already floating," Emile said, shrugging.
Virgil thought on this for a moment before nodding slightly. Virgil liked Emile a lot more than he'd first expected, of course sometimes he was a little different, but usually he and Virgil could just sit on the couch and talk about cartoons, and Virgil could even tell him about his nightmares without getting scared.
Of course there were some things he still didnt know about Emile, but if Patton or Emile didnt want to tell him things, he wasnt about to ask for information he shouldnt need.
Settling down for bed that night still felt bad, but Virgil didnt mention it, he didnt want to bother anyone.
Virgil awoke in a patch of soft grass, which upon closer inspection, seemed to be more of a dull teal color than the green it ought to have been.
"There you are! We've been looking everywhere for you!" Said a voice, Virgil looked up to see what looked to be a girl with white rabbit ears, wearing a waist coat and khaki shorts, a boy with a hat, a tux, and hair that varied from shades of brown and blonde on one side, and various other colors on the other, between the two was a girl with brown bunny ears, her outfit seemed to be an attempt at formality which only ended in the tattered remains of what could have once been a met gala dress.
"Who are you?-" Virgil said, sitting up and shaking his head slightly in confusion.
"Aaawww, you dont recognize us?" Said the brown bunny.
"Well of course he doesnt! When's the last time you saw him at the tea party! I mean look at his clothes! Hardly appropriate for such a special event." Said the man with the hat. Virgil looked down at his clothes, he was still in his pajamas.
"Come on- we have to get you dressed first, I cant imagine what would happen if we brought you to the king dressed like that!" Said the white rabbit, dragging Virgil off the ground and marching toward a small house on a hill.
It seemed like hours before the mission the three people seemed so set on completing was finished, and by the end of it Virgil found himself in a dusty purple dress with white sleeves, a black bow and buttons on the chest, white lace on the skirt hem, white stockings, and black boots. If he was being honest with himself, he'd never been happier to look at his reflection.
"Well come on then! The king is waiting for you!" Said the boy with the hate.
"Now hold on a second- I dont even know your names, how am I supposed to trust that you'll take me to the right place?" Virgil said.
The three figures in front of him exchanged glances.
"Hes right you know, I'd never trust someone without a name,"
"I made friends with a nameless person once, they stole my cat,"
"But if we give him our names outright then it's no fun!"
Virgil looked between the three of them in confusion, waiting for the conversation to end.
"Ok, we wont tell you our names, but you can guess them," said the boy with the hat.
The white rabbit stepped up first, she mimicked placing a crown on her head, and then mimicked a sword being pulled from something and swinging it around.
"Well- it cant be Arthur, you dont strike me as an Arthur- so is it. . . Gwenivere?" Virgil said, the girl shook her head but made a motion of begging him on.
"Gwendolyn?" Virgil said.
"You got it!" Gwendolyn said excitedly, clasping her hands together and bouncing from foot to foot. She stepped back and allowed the second rabbit to take her place.
This one held out two fingers first, dropped one, and began to imitate what seemed to be waves.
"Waverly?" Virgil said, the girl nodded and held up two fingers again, proceeding to drop them and hold up a full hand, pointing to calendar that had floated down from the ceiling.
"Waverly-Mae?" Virgil said, the girl nodded and spun on her heel to walk back next to Gwendolyn.
"And that leaves me for last I suppose," said the boy with the hat, making a sort of disappointed face to the girls as he walked up to Virgil. He mimicked both a face that Virgil would describe as angry, and one he would describe as having a few screws out of place.
"Mad?" Virgil said, the boy nodded and kept going, placing one finger on either side of his head and digging his foot into the ground.
"Maddox?" Virgil said, tilting his head. Maddox smiled and nodded.
"Well now that you know our names, you'll have to meet our king!" Gwendolyn said, grabbing Virgil by the arm and rushing off.
It took ages for them to reach what Virgil believed to be the palace. It was large and black with red and green accents along the sides, this left a sinking feeling in Virgil's chest.
"I present to you, his most gracious majesty, King Rhea!" Gwendolyn said, backing into a line with several guards dressed in red and white. Maddox and Waverly-Mae fell in line with the knights in black and green.
Virgil looked forward, in front of him and sitting on a throne was a man who shared much to many similarities with the twins to be comforting.
Though one eye was green and one eye was red, and rather than red or dark brown hair, his was black and white, but he still had the same smirk, the same demeanor Remus and Roman had when out on the town.
"So glad you could finally make it, your excellency," said Rhea, now turning his head to look at Virgil.
"I-" Rhea held his hand up, Virgil's mouth closed almost immediately.
"I know what you're going to say, and you are absolutely correct, you are not royalty, you are something much more important,"
Virgil woke up in a cold sweat, and it wasnt until he looked at himself in the mirror that he realized, he was still wearing the very same dress as before.
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Magnum P.I. S02xE18-20 spoilers and tidbits
I thought i’ll give a prologue first 😅
Remember i pet project where i was trying to decipher the episode names? yea i didn’t get very far on that.. but i have come to a conclusion, that each title is a convention for what the clients in that episode, and/or our P.I. is going through. Eg.
S02xE16 : Farewell To Love
Episode starts with Gladys and Bert who had given up on love but eventually found it in one another. The fact that Gladys narrated this part makes it poetic in a sense that she was the one who had to say bid farewell to Bert.Then TC and Teresa, they found the one that they always loved. The one who made them happier, but TC had to let her go go, he bid farewell to his love, instead of ruining 3 lives.In the beginning of the episode, we see magnum all in for online dating, but after what happened with Dylan, we see him coming to an abrupt conclusion that online dating is just isn’t the thing for him, also adding to the fact, the girl who met through an app (Abby) had just recently broken off with him. So magnum kind of bid a metaphorical farewell to finding love online.
Spoilers for S02x18, S02x19 and S02x20 under the cut if you wish to continue.
Warning: My rant got hella long, longer than i planned and there are lots of pics and links below. Thanks @maggiesoa and @lizzysfavs for providing some food for my thoughts 😊
So.. lets begin with S02x18 : A world of trouble
I’m just grouping together the pics that I’ve found so far which seem to be related to episode 18:
Perdy and Bobby discussed about having a scene together ignore jay’s comment here, I’m all for #TeamJin and I will riot if they ever kill him.
I believe the episode starts with Jin, showing up at Robin’s nest, where he ends up in a situation where he has to change in magnum’s clothes (note the t-shirt magnum is ironing... (Edit: DIDN'T HAPPEN!!?? I MEAN!! This could have been cute.. didn't have to be a total BTS for once!!) Where we get this scene, All i can guess right now is that is a tab in Jin’s had, and he’s being a fair judge for miggy while they prepare for their visa interview, or he could be here with today’s case
Which takes us to to the primary promo for 2x18, where they solve the case at hand. Now my guess is that the case doesnt take up entire 47 minutes, because this promo also exists.
What this secondary promo also shows is them at a office(?) guessing visa or may be its a school where the current client works? where magnum/higgy blurts out that they’re marrying and some lady says that they don’t look like a couple. We also see Katsumoto warning Higgy about the consequences of marrying their business partner. (Edit: this did happen and fueled Higgy’s resolve to back out.. nothing wrong there..but as Jin said.. may it be with Magnum or TC, u’re still breaking the law Mrs. I can figure out how pretending with TC is going to get good results? if anything.. it only comes out of nowhere)
I’m sensing a connection here again with the title of the episode: A world of trouble:
- The current client, the case was definitely given to them by some one else because they approach the lady coz Higgy says “You’re in trouble, we just want to help you.”, which means she might have refused help at one point.
- Literally 2 people in a 2 min worth promo have commented on their wedding, does this not sound like trouble to you?
When magnum is possibly heading out to go to La Mariana, (Edit: DING! DING! DING! This was indeed before the bar scene.. which kinda broke my heart.. but we’ll talk about that in detail later) she tells him that she’s reconsidered her decision that she will be marrying TC instead (which is weird, but for the sake of it, OK). Which also implies that she’s going to have a heart to heart with TC how she had one with Rick before in 2x13. (Edit: Umm.. i would have liked to hear the entire convo here.. but i guess its going to come back a flashback some day?)
Magnum than heads to the bar, with Jin where he meets up with his friends and we get this, going by past experiences, this is going to be the last scene where he’s with his friends.
Now what leaves me confused is this guy below, the one that magnum rescued and now has a food truck (Rem S1x01, they got him all the way from there now). He’s not listed for 2x18, but the actors caption says 2x18? So is he like the caterer for the wedding? (i thought kamekona was doing that?) or he’s there for entirely other reason?
Now this all leads up to S02x19 : May The Best One Win
Again the title is the synopsis here,
Magnum and Higgins are each hired by a different spouse who are in the middle of a contentious divorce to dig up dirt on the other, and Thomas and Higgins soon find themselves competing over resources.
But i don’t think them competing again each other is the only thing here, remember this gem from TV guide magazine?
- Jay mentions there being an odd jealousy there, and there is something percolating between the duo which magnum doesn’t want to address just yet. I think the competition is not just between Magnum and Higgy, for magnum it is also between him and TC. May be he’ll be still trying to show her that he is the one she should be marrying, even if that’s fake.
- And for the implied element we also have this garage fight, where they’re up against “just one guy, but a very big guy”.
This again i don’t think takes forever to solve since, there’s an upcoming wedding everyone has to attend, we’ve all seen the famous pics, but this:
Him again!! And looks like he is in fact catering the event. Now since S02x19 and S02x20 are to be merged into one mega episode, lets slip into:
S02x20 : A Leopard on the Prowl
Magnum and Higgins help Rick when his father figure, Icepick , just out of prison and battling terminal cancer, gets double crossed on one last score. Also, Magnum makes one last bold move to help Higgins stay in the country.
This is the rick centric episode the viewers were promised, Adding pics of Zac coz he looks great here:
But do you see anything missing here? My sleep deprived brain does. Icepick seems to be have fallen pray to something on the run, nothing pre-planned, the guy has terminal cancer, he’s dying any day now, why would someone spend any time to plan something against him? (He’s probably going to die in this epi..he only had few months.. the article says “reluctantly try to help him” seriously guys why do you have to be reluctant?
And below pic is probably of the same related fight scene Jay talked about in the TV guide snippet:
And if the video Jay uploaded is even close to the actual scene, it could be because the guy hit Rick/Higgy and Magnum picked up another fight with him.. or that’s just for insta.. I’ll leave it open. There’s a fight scene with TC as well i suppose.
Now what does the title have to do with the episode? Here’s my theory:
- Remember Dr. Kim i already mentioned twice above. He’s gotta be here for more than just “catering the wedding”, magnum said he was a code breaker, he was mentioned in one of Robin’s books, he instantly identified the co-ordinates which Nuzzo left for Magnum, (which is duh! u’re telling me that magnum was a navy SEAL and can read waves but cant piece together actual co-ordinates?!!).
Magnum was kidnapped by Ivan’s people coz he needed something from him which was in the books, later Ivan had magnum delivered to himself on a secret mission of retrieving Hayek, who was a weapons dealer but he got away with drones instead.. I think this is all related somehow, there has to be something in this episode that points to this.. I thought may be its in Robin’s books.. but they have never mentioned the same book twice.. I’m still looking for answers though..
But going ahead, see this ,
“ Magnum makes one last bold move to help Higgins stay in the country.”
“You see Higgins in a unexpected position, which magnum is very uncomfortable with and where he is not sure about his place”
Soo.. the wedding didn’t happen? So that’s not helping her stay in the country?
It didn’t bother me much before.. but think about this, what if since the wedding plan backfired, she has to go back to London until her visa is renewed/reapplied for : an unexpected position since she has found something in Hawaii she doesn’t want to loose. Which leaves magnum as the in-charge of Robin’s nest and Zeus and Apollo and part of the deal [I can almost see my HC at the horizon]. An uncomfortable position where he has to manage the estate and the hounds of hell without his “professional better half”.
I think there is a beach good-bye scene on this day, may be an actual hug between miggy? Supporting evidence as follows:
Now the last attempt Magnum makes, does he offer her a job? Does he confess? But that wouldn’t automatically land her in an unexpected situation , that would be magnum putting her in that situation while being full aware of his position. I bet lenkov has got pretty good plan for this to play out.
Now this doesn’t back up my crack where Higgins leaves, because
This story was posted along with the one where magnum is boating.. so they’re probably from the same episode.. where the last ditch effort has paid off but Magnum and Higgins roles have now been shifted a little and lenkov’s quote makes sense “Nothing really changes”.. has anyone ne noticed that there are no Juliet pics from 2x20 yet?
I cant wait to see that though.. and for a 100% i know there is a season 3, its a gut feeling i have.
Thank you for stopping by.. sorry it was too long 😘
#magnum pi spoilers#magnum pi#my crack#deductions#miggy#lenkov-verse#thomas magnum#uliet higgins#orville wright#theodore calvin#the ohana thread
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it is my dream to unlock all of the cs & discourse mods backstories. why is juice box filled with hatred? why does phe hint vaguely at a sad angst backstory? ( legit tho phe, you ok? ) why do rando anons dislike cinna for super petty reasons? why did I think phe and peach were the same mod? why does raey suck so much? actually, why do all the rp mods suck so much? these are some of the questions I hope will be answered by the unlocking of the mods backstories.
fjjvhdhhche honestly, if you really wanna know, sit tight for a second. Youve unlocked my sad anime backstory by asking 😔😔😔😜 But yeah tw for abuse and suicide ig.
So to keep this as short as I can, my mom yeeted basically as soon as I was born, my dad went off to war and when he came back he couldnt hold any jobs so me and him lived w my grandparents (who were taking care of me when he was gone too). My grandmother (bitchma from now on) hates him (and i hated him for a while, but now I see why she did and I love him) and kicked him out bc he had no job and major ptsd.
So I lived with gparents up until I was 18. In that time I was basically subjected to gaslighting, manipulation, all types of mental and physical abuse, mostly by bitchma. They believed in spanking (ofc. which is fucking horrble. do not spank your child) and I would legit have panic attacks??? anxiety attacks? (not sure which. i bever figured it out) where I couldnt breathe and I hyperventilated and sobbed and it was horrible, and bitchma would just tell me to “Stop that, you can breathe” while im sobbing and gasping for air. She’ll get mad at anything and everything, screamed constantly, blamed me for everything. Always said “Well (insert other child) didnt do this” or “I bet your friend (only friend i talked about) gets good grades”. Would scream at me about clothes I would wear, even if she backhandedly approved them earlier. Would hurt my feelings and when I would cry or feel the courage to tell her she hurt me she would just say “the world doesnt revolve around you”. Never apologized. Got mad at me for bad grades when I was in such a bad mind state because I had to live there with her. Said “I’ve never had a child that’s failed before, even your dad got good grades. But it seems like the only thing you can do.” That hurt me a lot. I remember it so clearly. I tried to kill myself that day, and other days, but by then I had friends I cared for. And I loved my friends as my family. If I did it, they would hurt and I never wanted to do that to them.
But coming back to my dad hate, she hates him because she couldn’t mold him into a perfect little child and was realizing she couldn’t mold me into a perfect child either. My dad and I have such similar personalities and likes it’s insane. Most likely because we were raised by the same tyrant with the same mindset of “I hate her”. He’s told me that even though he’s literally been deployed in war, some of the shit she’s done has given him more ptsd than it. I moved in with him when I turned 18. This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life, escaping that hellhole. There’s so much more she’s done, but honestly I don’t have the willpower and don’t want to drone on, this is very long.
But yeah. She’s the only person that I’ve ever had no mercy for. When I heard she may have cancer, I was so fucking happy. But she didn’t, sadly. With the shit bitchma subjected me to, I honestly wish her the worst with her growing age. That’s how much fucking pain she’s caused me. Sorry to dump, but 1: you did ask and 2: it feels nice to vent
.phe
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You probably thought we were both the same because I tend to keep to myself and both mod names start with P and I was signing as MP for a while when I started typoing Peach a lot and wanted to save myself the trouble.
Also, here’s my backstory LOL.. o<-<
I was born with a tumor disorder called infantile myofibromatosis and all that means is that I had self-resolving tumors all over my body at about age 3. As a result of the tumors going away, I spent a lot of years 8-12 in the hospital getting spinal transfusion work and checkups due to a destroyed vertebra, which would have resulted in paralysis from the waist down if untreated. I’ve got some pretty neat scars from all of this and I kinda want to get them turned into tattoos but I can’t because of MRIs scheduled for every 10 years.
Thankfully, the surgeries worked and I could resume “normal” activity approved by my surgeon at about 16. I have pictures of my before and after spinal x-rays if anyone wants to see. I think they’re kinda cool.
I tend to be a shut book about everything unless we’re friends and usually when I tell people everything they’re like D: I’m so sorry. So I just skip the guilt of sharing and don’t.
I’ve got a lot of nostalgic interests because I feel like I’m always trying to make up for lost time but I’m working on letting some things go.
My family tries to be supportive most of the time but my father is manipulative and tries to gaslight everyone. He kinda treats everyone in the house like we exist to serve him like a king and my brother’s frustrations often wind up being exploded all over my mother and I. It’s very a toxic household situation and I was happier before COVID when I could party and club and avoid my family with my college friends but I think that ship has sailed.
I’m currently in the process of trying to save money for future rent and new clothing, take my GRE again to raise my score above 160 and then fly the coop for good. It’ll probably take a year for all of this at least, if not longer. We’ll see. // Mod Peach
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First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist
K first song let’s do this
White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic
Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan
Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???
Not Perfect-Tim Minchin
TIM MINCHIN
Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist
#deep
Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????
Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao
I take back my take back it is sad
So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow
Streaks-ANIMA!
Cool instrumental
Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor
Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad
OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH
Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊
"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN
The Elements-Tom Lehrer
Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class
Something you would listen to in science class
Bop
Medicine-STRFCKR
A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes
Lmao nvm
Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb
A sad bop
Philosophy cool
Human-Tank And The Bangas
Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this
WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS
LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG
GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY
Last???? Relationship???
Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton
Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out
This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you
Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay
Fittet Happier-Radiohead
K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go
Employees? Or maybe…other sides?
Minor key ok
SELF HARM ISNT OKAY
"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO
So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-
The Watchtower-The Dø
I paused it cause I need a second after the last one
Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating
Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions
Y'all just trust me in this one
Coming for the TØP brand I see
K ready to start again here we go
Fire beat I'm vibing with it
Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???
This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing
I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction
"No one in particular" hon who hurt you
City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??
I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo
Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham
BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT
We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D
This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning
Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it
In My Mind-Amanda Palmer
Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D
Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing
I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it
I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either
Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok
Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!
At least there's a happy ending
Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist
Algorythym-Childish Gambino
K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes
Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER
Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit
The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off
Nvm no it doesn't
GO OFF
ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT
Adlibs are everything
Letter C-Zach Sherwin
This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth
Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this
I don't really see why this is related but sure
Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog
Nostalgiaaaaaa
Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it
I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???
Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works
K next song
The Breach-clipping.
OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS
Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???
LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES
Sound effects
Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh
What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot
Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas
Erase Me-Ben Folds Five
Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one
Wait have I listened to this before????
I've listened to this before!
Okay I need to stop being distracted
NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!
Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he
Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying
I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…
Just throwing it out there
One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor
Oh no it's Regina Spektor
Oh no I'm gonna cry
Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????
Did I get that???
Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!
Awww he just wants love and recognition
Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing
Galaxy Song-Monty Python
Ooh Monty Python
I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context
Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we
Can't really blame him tho
Very scientific
"Yeau~"
Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.
Equation-Hans Zimmer
Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD
Sunrise-In The Heights
!!!!!!
WHO???!!!!!
K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out
Also because WHO??!!
Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like
OR MAYBE JANUS???
IM SO CONFUSED
But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh
Okay moving on
Lifeboat-Heathers
WHAT
NO
NO
CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH
IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???
IM NOT OKAY
Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly
Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist
Eeecccchhhhhoooo
Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????
Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???
Vibing with it but also are you okay
Nvm I know the answer already
Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown
Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted
Self validation??? Who's she???
Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you
Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much
But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more
Oh
That took a turn
Breathin'-Thomas Sanders
Good move
Don't really have much to say on this
The Bidding
Spoopy
Alchoholic!Logan
New idea for us fan writers
The pronunciation of beurgoise
Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas
A Better Version
OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS
But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it
Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???
I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty
Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)
Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist
Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.
Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)
Oh No! ~ MARINA
Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown
Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly
Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark
Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe
The Bidding ~ *idk who*
I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA
Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda
Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA
Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes
Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)
#sander sides#ts sanders sides#sanders sides#thomas sanders#tss#logan sander angst#logan sanders#ts logan#logan’s playlist#first reaction#self harm mention#tw self harm
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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear
ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.
ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.
so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.
then, on august 9th i got this ask.
and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.
anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:
and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.
then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.
okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.
—————
ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:
and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:
i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over
—————
ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion
but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.
anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.
another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!
#mine#l#answered#dont rb#i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out#i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post
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crimes of grindelwald thoughts
alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie
first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy
but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!
good things:
- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this
- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!!
- i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense
- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing
- i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here
- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!!
okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:
- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb
1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im
2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!
3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so
4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh
5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.
- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh
- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(
- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand.
- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm..
(psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!!
actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)
- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again
1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF
2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO
3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet
4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help.......
i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart.
did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry
#feel free to disagree w me tho#im completely open to hear other opinions#and mine are subject to change anyway#i used so much !!!!! in this sorry#crimes of grindelwald#harry potter#hp#fbawtft#fantastic beasts#tcog#tcog spoilers#crimes of grindelwald spoilers#spoilers#hp spoilers#fantastic beasts spoilers#tcog opinions#crimes of grindelwald opinions
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ok and i know yr on break so dont feel pressured to answer or anything!! and im sorry for writing a whole novel in yr inbox, i was trying to figure out how they might build up to actual penetrative sex and i got rlly invested 😳
omg do you know how much i love you!!!!!! I hope EVERYONE clicks on the read more because you are the best anon!!!!! I bolded and underlined my favorite bits and wrote a tiny thing at the end because you’re the BEST. I haven’t felt this rush-inspired in such a long time!!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!
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becky i was thinking ab yr nj humiliation drafts ([one] [two] [three] [four] [five] [six]) and how they might progress and i started thinking ab rope bondage and how at first she was too nervous to touch him but once she gets more comfortable its all she wants to do!! but hes worried bc of how restrained/repressed shes been in the past and to keep her from jumping the gun he starts tieing her up?? (1/5)
and its small things at first like restraining her hands behind her back so she wont touch him or herself while he makes himself cum (and then maybe if shes good and doesnt complain he’ll let her ride his fingers to get off, hers still tied behind her back. or if hes feeling mean he makes her grind herself against a pillow or the arm of his couch while he watches) (2/5)
and some mornings he’ll have her come over and strip so he can tie her up and then redress over the knots and spend the rest of the day like that under her clothes (esp patterns where the ropes pull straight up between her legs) and when he takes them off at the end of the day and hes rubbing her down where the skin mightve chaffed shes way more affected than she thought she’d be and comes untouched? (3/5)
and then one day when they both have a free day he spiral ties her legs and restrains her arms behind her and then after he makes sure shes comfortable and knows her limits he just- leans back on the bed and starts reading his book like she isnt tied up and at his mercy right next to him? (4/5)
and when he finally puts down his book after what feels like forever instead of doing anything right away he throws back to how this all started and tells her if she wants him to touch her tonight shes going to have to tell him exactly what she wants from him in excruciating detail. and before she can even think about it, this barely coherent, desperate plea for him to just fuck her escapes. and then after shes calmed down and can speak properly he does exactly as she asks. (5/5)
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You’re nearly in tears when Namjoon puts his book down - finally, fucking finally. You hate crying in front of anyone because there’s always so much snot that goes into production. It’s the furthest thing from pretty or ladylike or decent. You don’t want to show Namjoon that side of you just yet.
There is an ache that’s been building at your core for quite some time that’s exacerbated by the numbness you feel at your legs and hands. It’s not the most uncomfortable thing in the world, but people have a tendency to overlook the importance of fidgeting in every day life. You know that you certainly didn’t know how much you missed simple movement until Namjoon tied you up and allowed you to “relax” for a hot second.
At first it felt fine - good even. He asked you a million questions about your comfort, and it just felt like you were laying down. And you might have been able sleep were it not for the itch on your nose that bloomed unexpectedly.
It’s the small things in life that set you off, and fixation over a small itch made you desire free hands like nothing else. The only way you could get over it was to focus on Namjoon reading silently at his desk, feet propped up as he concentrated on the book before him.
He looked so good, so perfect - all long limbs and careless expression of height for no reason. His fingers turned a page and your mouth went dry. You had never been jealous of paper before in your life.
You could have begged him to scratch your nose for you, but it seemed like such a silly reason to interrupt his reading. And it wasn’t until he made eye contact that you were pushed into some weird territory of desire. But Namjoon didn’t stop reading. You knew he was actively absorbing whatever it was he was reading because he had his literature face on - scrunched eyebrows that moved expressively as he took in the text.
Your boyfriend is a pervert, but so are you. By the time your mind has sent you to and from four different fantasy trips, each involving Namjoon’s pretty cock, your lips are dry from sucking in too much air. It’s a sharp contrast to the way your panties feel.
He puts his book down, and your heart races.
“You’re so obvious,” he says, eyes dripping with fondness.
“I’m not hiding anything,” you tell him, sincere and horny. “I want you so bad.”
And Namjoon is overjoyed really, and so, so proud that you’ve come this far. You admit things to him, but more importantly, to yourself without shame. You’re the same woman he met, but he’s pretty sure you’re a bit happier.
Namjoon pushes because that’s what he’s good at.
“I can tell,” he replies, undoing a few buttons of his shirt. He’s about ninety-nine percent sure he’s going to make you cum tonight. “But I’m not going to touch you until you’re more specific.”
You moan, biting your lip as your arousal grinds a heavy ax on your core.
“You need to tell me every, little detail,” Namjoon orders, “or I’m not doing anything.”
It’s excruciating the way you open your lips for nothing to come out. Speak, your mind begs. You’ve just had four delicious fantasies for material, and yet there’s a disconnect between your mind and your mouth. All you can think about is the lump in his pants covering his cock, and the way that cock felt in your dreams.
And you’ve done everything with him except actual, vaginal, penetrative sex. Namjoon makes your jaw hurt and your throat raw whenever you suck at him, and not a day goes by when you don’t think about how sore your vagina would feel with him stretching you out. Just two of his fingers feel like the end of the world for you.
Despite your reservations about penetration, you want to experience it. You want Namjoon to experience it. You’ve watched so much porn together - you seated on his lap with one of his long fingers shoved up your pussy while the two of you viewed some girl getting pounded by a well-endowed man. Every time you pictured Namjoon would one day try fucking you just like that.
A whine escapes your throat as the images are too clear in your mind. Namjoon has you face down on the bed in your fantasy, spreading apart your asscheeks with two hands to scrutinize your holes. He’s picking one to fuck and settles on rubbing his cock against your filthy slit weeping with arousal.
Namjoon in real life is patient as he sees you working up the courage. You waited for him as he read, and he could most certainly wait for you.
“Fuck me,” you whisper, and the expletive sounds like a gunshot even though your tone is softer than feathers. You close your eyes. “F-fuck me… ngh.” And in your head, the fantasy of Namjoon sinking in and using you until he’s satisfied play out again and again until the only things that come out of your mouth are sad little begs.
Namjoon still waits, taking in the show you’re putting on for him because it’s not every day you fantasize about him right in front of his eyes. He likes to watch you think things through.
You take long, shuttering gasps of air to calm the fuck down because you need to talk if any of this had a snowball’s chance in hell of coming true. And after some tens of seconds go by where the only thing you do is think of absolutely nothing, you are finally able to open your eyes and dislodge the stopper between brain and mouth.
“I wish you would untie me first,” you start. It’s not a question or a request. “Then undress me. Undress yourself. Touch me.”
“Slow down,” Namjoon chuckles. “You’re skipping all the good stuff.”
“All I want is for you to spread me open with those big hands of yours and shove your cock in whatever hole you want,” you continue as if he never said anything. You didn’t care about going through what he wanted because this is your fantasy, and he’s just here for the ride.
“Keep going.”
Good, you think. Namjoon is playing along.
“You’re going to choose my pussy.”
“Interesting that I have no say in my own choice.”
“Shut up.”
Namjoon’s heart seems to stutter in its beating, and he can tell you’re also surprised by your own outburst. He’s almost scared that you’re going to backtrack and take it back, because you were doing so good so far.
“Um,” you pause, “yeah… shut up.”
He can’t help but to smile when you forge ahead, and he zips his lips like the obedient boyfriend he wants to be for you.
“You go in slow just to test me. First the tip to see if I can take it at all. And then you push right in even though it feels like I’m going to spit you out.”
This is exhilarating. Your mind provides words for you easily, as if you’re lying down in bed with your phone in hand typing out something naughty for Namjoon. It feels just like that moment of freedom, and you relish it.
“You don’t go slow,” you say with a laugh. “You’re fucking me for you.”
“Stop right there,” Namjoon interrupts. “I’m going to untie you.”
“Thank you.”
It doesn’t take long for Namjoon to remove the ties and toss them off the bed. He massages your arms and legs to help with the circulation and holds you as you shake from the pins and needles shooting its unpleasantness up and down your body.
“Is it going to be tonight?” Namjoon asks. “Because we don’t have to.”
You smile, a little teary because the pain was real after the ties were loosened. “I really want it to be tonight.”
Namjoon kisses your forehead.
“Okay.”
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