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flickering-chandelier · 14 days

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Will It Patch Your Broken Wings?

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel is feeling insecure one night and cheats on Reader. She is absolutely devastated and wants nothing to do with him, but he is determined to show her how much he loves her.

Inspired by the love triangle in Taylor Swift’s betty/august/cardigan

Based on this request! 🩷

Warnings: angst, cheating, swearing

Word Count: 6.3k

Betty, I know where it all went wrong

Your favorite song was playing

From the far side of the gym

I was nowhere to be found

I hate the crowds, you know that

Plus, I saw you dance with him

Azriel tucked his wing in tighter as you led him through Rita’s, your hand in his, a bounce in your step. You loved it here: the energy, the dancing, the music.

Azriel, on the other hand, really only went along because he loved you.

The music was pounding in Azriel’s mind, overwhelming his senses. He could normally block it out and will his body to be loose enough to attempt to dance with you, but today had been a particularly long day in which he had to… secure information from some traitors.

He didn’t let his memory go past that, not when he was with you. But it had been a day. A terrible day.

You were dancing now, like you were born to do it, like you didn’t care at all who was watching. You turned to him, a bright smile lighting up your face, and he couldn’t help but soften at the sight, feeling comforted by your effortless radiance.

He would never understand why you had chosen him. He was thankful of course, but he was willing to admit the two of you sometimes seemed like an unlikely pair. You were bright and bubbly, lighting up every room -- a direct juxtaposition to his shadows, his darkness, his tendency to be stoic and silent.

Watching him stay completely still in the middle of the crowd, your face fell, and you sidled up to him, craning your neck to look him in the eyes as you got closer, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Are you okay? We can go home if you want.”

Azriel smiled faintly at you, dipping his head to give you a quick kiss. “Long day. You can dance. I’m going for a drink.”

You nodded, but still eyed him warily for a moment, gaze lingering on his swirling shadows, before turning back to the dance floor.

By the time Azriel got his drink (the strongest they had), you were fully engrossed in a song that he realized was one of your favorites. He watched as you writhed on the middle of the dance floor, swaying your hips, a bright smile on your face.

A male came up to you then, taking your hand and twirling you under his arm. You laughed brightly before moving away from him, dancing on your own once again.

Azriel couldn’t stop his heart from plummeting. That’s the kind of male she should be with, he thought. The kind that goes to a normal job and comes home without shadows or demons to chase away in his mind. The kind that can dance and twirl and laugh with you without a care in the world.

He watched as you danced and danced, occasionally dancing with a random male for a moment before moving on.

She deserves better than you. She always has.

His breath was coming faster and faster now, the music pounding in his ears, through his skull, all that heat from so many bodies closing in on him. He had to get out, had to stretch his wings, had to get out.

Azriel shoved through the crowd and burst through the doors, out into the cool night, stretching out his wings and breathing deeply. He cursed himself. He was normally better than this, better at maintaining his emotions, his panic. By the Cauldron, he was the Night Court’s spymaster and he couldn’t handle an evening in a nightclub with his lover.

Pathetic. That’s what he was.

“Are you okay?” a light, sing-songy voice broke through his rumbling thoughts.

He turned to see a very pretty High Fae woman. She was dressed a bit like Mor, he couldn’t help thinking, wearing a thin red dress that showed off all her assets, her light brown hair cascading down past her shoulders.

She gave him a look that he hadn’t seen, or at least paid attention to, from a stranger in a very long time.

He blinked. “Honestly? I don’t think so.”

Her lips slowly curved up into a sultry smile. “Anything I would be able to help you with?”

No. No, you cannot help me. I don't think anybody can.

She watched him, her eyes sparkling with mischief, before she tilted her head for him to follow.

And Mother save him, he did.

---

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

August sipped away like a bottle of wine

'Cause you were never mine.

Your heart had been pounding, your body trembling, ever since you realized that Azriel was nowhere to be found.

Something must have happened to him. It was the only explanation. He wouldn’t just leave you without a word.

But, what could have possibly happened to the shadowsinger, in Velaris, of all places?

Your hand shook as you raised it to pound on the door of the river house.

Rhysand was the one who answered, shirtless, hair a mess. He looked very unhappy to see you.

“I need you to find Azriel,” you nearly shouted before he could scold you.

He sobered immediately, noticing your distress. “What do you mean?”

You explained to him what had happened, that he had seemed off at Rita's, that he told you he was going to get a drink, then vanished. You had assumed that he had been lingering on the outskirts of the dance floor, and didn't notice for quite some time that he had left completely.

“I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation,” he said soothingly. “Did you check your apartment?”

You nodded. He wasn't there, at the home he shared with you. “And the townhouse.”

Rhysand's violet eyes were contemplative. Hesitating.

“Can't you just…feel for him or whatever?”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Yeah. I can.”

“Then do it!”

Rhysand's eyes went unfocused after a beat, and when they widened again in surprise, you knew he had found him.

“What is it? Is he okay?”

“He's… at a random apartment. At least it's not one that I recognize.”

Your heart lurched. “What? Why?”

Rhys shrugged, his expression darkening. “Okay. Shit. Wait here, I'll go tell Feyre what's going on and take you to him.”

Rhysand came back a moment later, now in his normal black attire, and winnowed you in front of an apartment complex not far from Rita's. You had certainly never been here before. The silence was agony as you followed Rhys up the stairs, to the door.

He glanced back at you, a question in his eyes. You shook your head and he knocked, the sound rattling around in your skull.

You heard shuffling, giggling, and then.

Then.

A woman answered the door. A beautiful woman who was wearing Azriel's shirt.

A woman who was wearing your lover’s shirt and nothing else.

Your knees nearly buckled. You tasted bile in your mouth. You were going to be sick.

She cocked her head to the side. “Yes?”

Rhysand was deathly still, his power rippling from him, darkening the doorway. You remained behind him, but you had to know. Had to know for sure.

So you peeked around Rhysand's shoulder, further into the woman's apartment.

And saw Azriel, bare chested, lying in her bed, the sheets bunched up at his waist, his wings drooping on the ground, his hand tucked under his head, staring at the ceiling, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

You barely had time to spin around before you emptied your stomach in the hallway.

---

The worst thing that I ever did

was what I did to you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Az?” Rhysand's voice boomed from the door the woman had just answered.

Hearing such a familiar voice in such an unfamiliar setting was initially what shocked Azriel enough that he nearly fell out of bed.

Then it hit him.

Rhysand was here.

No no no no no no--

Azriel scrambled up out of the woman's bed, frantically searching for his pants and tugging them on.

“I-”

“Don't answer that.” Rhysand spat, and it was then that Azriel realized Rhys was holding you upright as both of you lingered in the doorway.

His heart stopped working. His mind stopped working.

He said your name, but it came out more like a croak.

You were trembling in Rhysand's arms, tears sliding down your cheeks.

What had he done what had he done what had he done--

Azriel took a step forward, but you recoiled, and he knew you would've fallen to the ground if Rhysand hadn't been holding you.

You looked… afraid of him. Not just hurt, not just disgusted, but actually afraid.

He said your name again, his voice and his heart breaking, but you turned to Rhysand and said in the smallest voice he'd ever heard, “Get me away from him.”

Rhysand shot you one last withering glance before he winnowed out of sight, taking you with him.

It was silent for a moment, until the woman said, “If I'd known you were such an asshole, I never would have done this.”

Azriel sank to his knees and wept.

---

You drew stars around my scars

But now I'm bleeding.

Back at the river house, Feyre was holding you as your body continued to shake, silent tears continued to fall, while Rhysand paced back and forth, rage radiating off of him.

“Azriel?” Feyre asked, wide eyed. “Our Azriel?”

“He's certainly not mine anymore,” you sniffed, and Feyre winced, shooting you an apologetic glance, holding you a little tighter.

“I can't believe it,” Rhys said, still pacing in the spare room where they had set you up for the night. “I cannot believe him.”

There was a knock on the door of the house and you froze. You all knew who it was.

You looked at Rhys, your eyes pleading.

“I won't let him in,” he said, his expression softening as he turned to you. “I'll ward the fucking house against him if I have to,” he growled, mostly to himself, as he retreated to send him away.

You leaned further into Feyre, grateful for your friends.

For his friends, you realized. His family.

They were on your side now, but you knew where their allegiance would ultimately lie.

In losing Azriel, you would lose your family, too.

Sobs racked your body then, and Feyre held on tight, settling her cheek on the top of your head.

You thought of all the walls Azriel had broken down around your heart, all the promises he had made about love and forever. All the broken pieces of you that you had let him see, that he had helped you heal.

But it was all a lie.

You couldn't stop seeing it -- the woman, naked except for his shirt; Azriel, naked in her bed.

You wept and wept until there was absolutely nothing left of you.

---

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one.

Azriel had come to the river house twice a day for the past three days.

Each time, Rhysand opened the door, molten hot rage in his eyes, and told him to leave, that you weren’t ready yet. Azriel couldn’t blame him.

He knew there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to make it better. To make you better. He could try to explain what he had been feeling that night, but it wouldn’t matter, not really. It was all excuses, and he knew it.

Azriel had destroyed everything. And now he just had to watch as his world burned down.

Letting out a shuddering sigh, he knocked on Rhysand’s door, expecting to see his pissed off brother again, but it was Feyre who appeared.

He had never seen his High Lady look so disappointed. He hated that it was directed at him.

“How could you do it?” she said, crossing her arms, leaning against the doorway.

Azriel felt tears prickling his eyes, and willed them not to fall. “I never felt like I deserved her,” he said quietly.

“Well you definitely don’t now.”

He winced. “I know. I just -- I want to see her. How is she?”

Feyre furrowed her brow, furious. “How is she? She hasn’t left her room since she got here. Elain’s been forcing water down her throat so she doesn’t shrivel up and die, that’s how she is.”

Azriel swallowed, trying to steady his shaking hands. He felt like he was drowning. He wished he would, if it meant that it would make you stop feeling like that. “Do you think she’ll talk to me?”

She studied him, her mouth a hard, thin line. Finally, she turned, heading inside and he followed her, his knees wobbling.

When they made it to your door, she knocked softly, saying through the door, “He’s here.”

Azriel held his breath until the door opened, slowly.

And when he saw you, he couldn’t breathe. You looked… devastating. Your eyes were red and swollen, you were pale, your hair was a mess.

It was his fault. He had done this to you. He felt sick.

Your eyes were hollow when you looked at him, like you didn’t feel anything at all.

“Do you want me to stay?” Feyre asked you quietly.

You shook your head, your eyes darting away from Azriel. Feyre shot him a warning glare before she reluctantly went down the hallway.

You turned, moving to sit on the bed that looked like it hadn’t been made in days, every movement you made looking wary, exhausted. Destroyed. Your eyes were fixed on your hands in your lap, unwilling to look at him.

Azriel lingered just inside the room, feeling uncomfortable in his skin. He longed to hold you in his arms, to kiss your pain away.

He said your name, willing you to look at him. You flinched.

It felt like a punch to the gut. Azriel wanted the earth to swallow him whole.

“I am so, so sorry,” he rasped.

You shook your head, not looking up. “How could you do this, Az? How could you do this to me?” Your voice cracked when you said his name.

Tears started to fall down his own cheeks as he said, “I… don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I saw you dancing with those males, looking so carefree, and I didn’t feel like I fit into that part of your life. I’ve always felt like you deserved someone better than me, someone… easier.”

Finally, you looked up at him, and he wished you hadn’t. Your eyes were full of fury. And hurt. He had never seen you like that before. “You cheated on me because I danced with some guys for two seconds?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Azriel tried.

“You think I wanted somebody like them? Somebody easier?”

Azriel opened his mouth, then closed it again. “I thought--”

“I wanted you,” you spat, and he recoiled at the hurt in your voice, at the pain in your eyes that he had put there. “All I ever wanted was you.”

He couldn't breathe. His voice came out weaker than he had ever heard it, “I'm sorry. It was a mistake, I'm a miserable, miserable fool. I want you. You're all I want.”

You laughed, but it was a hollow, bitter sound. “How can you even say that after what you did?”

“I know, you’re right,” he sighed, raking a scarred hand through his hair, his shadows dancing around his arms. “It doesn’t make sense, what I did. It was stupid and awful, and the worst thing that I’ve ever done, and I am so so sorry,” he said, taking a step forward, reaching his hand out to take yours.

“Don’t touch me,” you spat, wrenching your hand away.

He blinked, taking a step back, his heart in his throat.

“You said you loved me,” you said, your voice now barely a whisper, as if all your energy had been completely drained. “You said you wanted to be with me forever. Did you ever mean any of it?”

“Of course I did,” he said softly. “I still do. I love you. I want you.”

You sniffed, putting your head in your hands. “Well. You should’ve thought of that before you fucked her.”

He blanched at your tone, at your language. He didn’t think you’d ever said that word before, at least not around him.

“Please,” he said, his voice breaking, as he knelt down in front of you, trying to meet your eyes. “Please, what can I do? What can I do to fix this?”

Your eyes rose to meet his. You took in the sight, the shadowsinger kneeling before you, begging for your forgiveness. “You can’t fix it,” you said, seething. “You left me. You abandoned me at Rita’s. Do you have any idea how that felt? I thought something horrible had happened to you!”

Azriel tightened his jaw. He hadn’t known, hadn’t even thought about--

“And then to see you. With her. In her bed,” you broke off, looking at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from falling, he knew.

“I’m sorry.” It was all he could say. His tears were flowing down his cheeks now and he hastily wiped them away, not wanting to take his eyes off you for fear that you would vanish.

After a long moment, you leveled your gaze on him again. “Would you have told me? If I wasn’t worried sick, if I had just gone home, and waited for you to stumble on in, would you have told me? Or would you just keep acting like everything was fine, knowing that you had just betrayed me?”

Azriel swallowed hard. He thought about the guilt he had felt immediately, how he was contemplating what the hell he was going to tell you as he was staring at that ceiling before Rhysand had knocked. “I would’ve told you,” he said, his voice husky. “I was going to tell you.”

You scoffed, shaking your head, looking anywhere but him. “I don’t even know why I asked. How can I trust anything you say?”

“I don’t know. But it’s true,” he said, shifting on his knees, wishing he could reach for your hand.

Hiding your face in your hands, you said, barely audibly, “I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me and making me feel like this.”

Azriel’s heart finally shattered completely. He knew he would never be able to put the pieces back together, as long as he lived. He had done this to you, his beautiful, bubbly, happy love. Reduced to this. To hating him. And he couldn’t even blame you.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice barely above a whisper. “I love you.”

“Stop saying that,” you cried.

“It’s true. It’s all I’ve got. I won’t try to make excuses, I’m just … I’m sorry. And I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”

You sniffled, and took your hands away from your face, looking to the ceiling once again, like you were steeling yourself to say what you were about to. “I never want to see you again,” you said, weakly. “You can have the apartment. Elain and Nesta are packing my things right now.”

Azriel shook his head, his panic rising, “No, no, you don’t have to--”

“I do,” you cut him off. “It’s done, Az. We’re done,” you rose off the bed and went to the washroom, looking unsteady on your feet. “You can go now.”

You shut yourself in behind the closed door, and it was five hundred years of will and training that carried his legs out of the river house, and out of your life forever.

Azriel took to the sky, flying and flying, the wind biting at his skin, at his eyes. He kept picturing your heartbroken expression, the words you spoke to him.

He didn't stop flying until he made it to the depths of the Illyrian mountains, where he knew he would be well and truly alone.

Spotting a flat section nestled between several mountains, he landed in the snow, barely stopping long enough to punch the mountainside. It was stupid, he knew, he was more likely to break his hand than blow off any of this steam, but he had to do something to stop this pain, this panic, this despair that he could blame on nobody but himself.

He had lost you. He had lost the love of his life forever because he couldn't overcome his fears. He had been so scared that he wasn't good enough for you that he made sure that it was true.

Grunting, he punched the mountainside over and over again until his knuckles bled, and then he punched it some more. Tears froze on his cheeks, the wind chilling him to the bone.

Az was dimly aware of someone landing behind him, so hard it shook the ground beneath his feet. He kept punching.

“You're not going to solve your problems out here,” Cassian called to him.

Finally, Azriel halted, turning around to face his brother. “You know, we have better things to punch,” Cassian added.

Azriel scowled, sinking into the snow, exhausted.

Cassian strode over to him, plopping down a few feet away, hissing at the cold now sleeping through his pants. He studied Azriel, seemingly waiting for him to speak.

“She hates me,” Azriel whispered finally. “She said she never wants to see me again.”

Cassian sucked a breath in through his teeth. “Fuck.”

Azriel could only nod sadly.

“You know she didn't mean it. At least not the second part. She loves you.”

Sniffing, wiping at his eyes, Azriel groaned. “I don't know if she does anymore.”

“She does,” Cassian said quietly. “I know she does.”

After a beat of silence, Cassian asked, “What are you going to do?”

Azriel shrugged, watching his bloody hands start to heal. “Well. I could either hang around, keep apologizing, and piss her off more, or… leave her alone…”

“And piss her off more,” Cassian added.

A dry laugh escaped Azriel. “Exactly.”

Cassian was quiet for a moment, seemingly pondering how to help him.

“I’m not giving up on her,” Azriel finally said, with more conviction than he felt. “I just… I don't want to make it worse.”

“Az, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think it could get much worse,” Cassian said, grimacing.

Azriel just sighed, stretching out his wings behind him.

---

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasing shadows in the grocery line.

Seeing Azriel again, seeing him beg on his knees for your forgiveness, seeing how hollow his eyes looked, how his shadows were so unrelenting around him, had absolutely wrecked you.

It was another few days until you had the courage to leave the river house at all.

Azriel had come back to the river house several times, but you had your friends send him away. You couldn’t bear to see him again.

Feyre and Rhysand had checked on you frequently during your stay at their house, consoling you, cursing Azriel’s name right along with you. Rhys had even loaned you what you needed to get your own apartment, on the other side of Velaris from the one that you once shared with Azriel.

That part seemed to make it final, somehow. You could almost convince yourself it had all been a dream until you made your way to your new, empty apartment, without a trace of the love that used to be yours.

That empty apartment wrecked you all over again, and as you looked around it for the first time, your body folded in half, arms wrapping around your stomach as your body racked with sobs.

You had started to regret insisting that you do this part by yourself.

It was really over. Azriel really cheated on you and it was really done.

You knew it was time to start distancing yourself from Azriel’s family. They had undoubtedly been on your side this whole time, but even Rhysand and Feyre were starting to change their tune slightly. You know he loves you still. You know he’s a good male. You know he’s so sorry.

You understood where they were coming from, really, you did.

But that didn’t make it hurt less. What you needed was to hate him. It was the only way you could ever bring yourself to move on, to start living your life again.

You had been solemnly unpacking for a few hours when there was a knock on your door. You stiffened immediately. Rhysand and Feyre had said that they wouldn’t tell Azriel where you lived, but maybe he had figured it out?

“Relax sweetheart, it’s me,” Cassian said on the other side of the door, and you did relax, if only slightly. You hadn’t seen him since before this all started.

Reluctantly you let him in. He was sauntering, wearing that easy smirk he always donned. You couldn’t decide if it was comforting or annoying.

Cassian whistled as he looked around. “Nice place.”

You settled on the couch, tucking your feet underneath you. “What are you doing here?”

His eyes softened as he walked closer to you, then perched next to you on the couch, not quite relaxed. “I wanted to check on you.”

“You can report back to Azriel that I’m just as pissed as ever,” you grumbled.

“He doesn’t know I’m here,” Cassian said quietly.

Skeptically, you turned to face him. You were sure he would be the most likely to take Azriel’s side.

After a moment, Cassian said, “If it’s any consolation, he hates himself probably about as much as you hate him right now.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse,” you admitted.

Cassian sighed, leaning back into the couch. “Did you mean it? That you never wanted to see him again?”

You shifted, hugging your knees to your chest. “In the moment I did. Thinking about seeing him now… it breaks me apart. But, thinking about the rest of my life completely without him…”

“That breaks you apart too?” Cassian offered.

You nodded, tears stinging your eyes.

“Okay, look,” Cassian said, turning so he fully faced you. “I’m going to tell you something. You’re my friend and he’s my brother, and I love you both, so I need you to know I’m not trying to convince you of anything, I am merely giving you information. Okay?”

“O-kay…”

He took a deep breath, seemingly gathering his thoughts, before he continued. “Azriel has always felt like he was inferior. The way he was raised… he carries that around more than a lot of people think. He often thinks that he isn’t good enough for people, but especially you.”

“How do you know?” You knew that Az still dealt with a lot from his childhood, but he wouldn’t often voice those things to you. He had mentioned something about not feeling good enough when you saw him, but you weren’t sure what to make of it.

“He mentioned it to me a few times, that he didn’t feel like he was the kind of person you should be with. You’re so bright and bubbly, he felt like you deserved somebody who was the same.”

You rested your cheek on your knee, trying to digest the information. “But… he must have known I never actually felt like that, right?”

Cassian shrugged. “On a good day, maybe. But deep down I think he always had it in the back of his mind: that fear that he wasn’t right for you.”

“He should’ve told me,” you said quietly.

“I agree. And I’m not saying that it excuses what he did, but that day…it was a hard one for him. What he had to do in the Court of Nightmares.”

Your stomach dropped. You hadn’t even thought about that.

“Well, he should’ve told me that too.”

Cassian nodded. “Yes. He should have.”

You groaned. “I hate this.”

“I know,” he said quietly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him. “I’m sorry.”

Cassian let you cry on his chest for a long moment before he said, “hH wants to come see you, you know. He doesn't want to give up on you.”

When you didn't respond, he said softly, “Just think about it.”

Days later, all that Cassian had said was still ringing in your ears, even as you walked through the market when it was the busiest.

Despite everything, it hurt your heart to think that Azriel had ever felt like he wasn't enough for you. And you were still so hurt at what he had done and what you had seen, but it at least made more sense now.

You hated this feeling of loneliness that followed you around wherever you went now, rooted so deeply in you that you were scared it would never go away.

Azriel had been so good to you for so long. Was one mistake really worth throwing everything away?

Every time you had the thought though, you remembered the sight of him in her bed and wanted to scream or cry or kick something.

Suddenly, as you were nearing the edge of the market, you swore you saw the wisp of a curling shadow out of the corner of your eye and stiffened. This hadn't been the first time that you thought you glimpsed Azriel's shadows or wings in public since it happened.

But, no this time it was real. And he saw you too.

You willed your feet to move, but they wouldn't. You couldn't tear your eyes away from him, from this man who had loved and hurt you so completely.

Azriel approached you like you were an injured animal he was trying not to scare away. Your heart thundered in your chest.

“Hi,” he said in what you knew was his gentlest voice.

You couldn't bring yourself to speak. Still, after everything, you missed him. And seeing him now… it was too much to bear. Yet, too much to walk away.

“I'm sorry,” he said softly, his eyes swimming with pain and affection. His shadows were on full display, despite the fact that they usually shied away from the sun.

“You've already said that,” you murmured, still rooted to the spot.

“I know. And I'll keep saying it every chance I get. If I knew where you lived, I'd send you flowers or a book or dinner from that restaurant you love every day and I'd tell you I'm sorry and that I love you.” His voice was shaky in a way you had never heard from the shadowsinger.

“You would not,” you said, trying to sound angry but it just came out weak.

“Of course I would,” he said, risking a step closer to you. “I would do anything to take your pain away. You have to believe that.”

You did. You did believe that he meant it. But you didn't know if it would be enough.

For a moment you let yourself gaze at the man you once trusted with your whole heart. He looked thinner, like he hadn't been eating enough. His eyes were still hollow, dark bags beneath them. Even his wings drooped slightly. He might look even worse than you did.

And yet, you could still see the beautiful, sweet shadowsinger you had fallen in love with so long ago.

Finally you said quietly, “I'll tell Rhys he can give you my address.”

Those hazel eyes sparked with hope. And love. Definitely love.

---

The only thing I wanna do

Is make it up to you.

When you went out the next morning, there was a book left at your doorstep with a note attached.

It was the newest from one of your favorite authors. Your lips formed the tiniest smile.

The note read:

I couldn't start my groveling with something too cliche, so I went straight for your romance novels.

I've never told you this, but I always love when you tell me about the books you’re reading. Your entire face lights up when you do. And you know I love a fairytale ending.

I hope you have a good day today.

I'm so sorry for what I did. I'm so sorry for hurting you.

I love you so much. I always will.

-Az

You couldn't help but laugh a little by the time you got to the end. As if anybody else would be writing you this note.

The next morning when you stepped out your door, there was a pastry from your favorite cafe in a to-go bag. On the bag was a note:

I'm really hoping you'll find this in the morning so it's still good.

If not, you just come let me know and I'll drop everything to get you a fresh one.

I miss you.

My life is a nightmare without you.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

-Az

And so it went. Every morning, rain or shine, Azriel would leave something that he knew you would love, with a note, always ending in some version of I'm sorry. I love you.

It did warm your heart that had turned so cold. The dedication alone was enough to prove to you that he really was sorry for what he did.

Yet, every time a note would make you laugh or cry so much that you wanted to run to his arms, you were always stopped by that image that plagued your mind. By the fact that he did what he did and no amount of little gifts would change it.

Months passed, and to Azriel's credit, the gifts, and more importantly the notes, kept coming. Your bedside drawer was completely full of them. And there may have been a night or two when you missed him so desperately that you would read them over and over again until your eyes burned and you had no choice but to cry yourself to sleep.

You would sometimes lay awake at night, picturing him coming up to your door. Several times you wanted to wait up for him, to listen for his footsteps, to pull him into your apartment, forget everything that happened and just be happy again.

But you never had the nerve. You were terrified of going through it all again.

Until one day, there was no gift at your door. No note. No sign of him anywhere.

Your heart plummeted. Had something happened to him? Was he hurt? Injured on some mission Rhysand sent him on?

Or had he finally given up on you?

It wasn't until that moment that you were willing to admit to yourself how much you had been relying on those notes, those little pieces of him.

You went through your day in a daze, devastated all over again.

It was early in the evening when there was a knock on your door. For a moment, you hoped it would be Azriel. You hadn't actually seen him for months. But you quickly realized it was more likely to be one of your friends, who still came by, despite what you had initially thought.

So, the breath was knocked completely out of you when it was indeed the shadowsinger waiting on the other side of the door.

His handsome face, his soft expression, on his face made you want to weep. You missed him so much.

Azriel smiled somewhat shyly as he gazed down at you, holding a paper bag in his hand. “I'm sorry it's late. Rhys has got me scouting out some things, and I didn't get back here until now. I brought dinner,” he said, holding it out to you.

You recognized it from your favorite restaurant. With shaking hands, you took it from him, spotting the note attached to the outside.

I'm sorry. I love you.

Over and over again it was repeated, taking up the entire paper. You placed it on a table inside before your gaze flicked back to him. He was watching you closely, his wings tucked in tightly behind him.

“I thought you gave up on me,” you whispered.

His timid smile fell. “Never,” he said softly. “I'll never give up on you. I love you so much.”

Tears brimmed your eyes and all of a sudden, you knew you couldn't take it anymore. You didn't want to hate him, you didn't want to dwell on the one awful thing that he had done. You had a drawer full of wonderful things that he had done.

“I love you, too,” you murmured, the tears spilling freely down your cheeks now.

A sound that sounded distinctly like a sob escaped Azriel, and he wrapped his arms around you, crushing you into his chest. “I never thought I'd hear you say that again,” he sniffed, his hand cupping the back of your head, kissing your temple.

After a long moment, he took your face in his hands, gazing at you for a moment before he slowly kissed your tears away. You laughed lightly and he smiled, leaning in to kiss you so softly, like he was afraid you would break.

“I love you,” he murmured against your mouth. “I love you so much.”

You pulled back long enough to gently brush his tears away. “No more secrets. If you're struggling with something, you need to tell me.”

“I know. I'm sorry. No more secrets.”

“And nobody else. Ever.”

He winced. “I'm so sorry, love.”

“I know you are,” you said softly, cupping his cheek in your hand.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

You rose to your tiptoes to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

At last, you had found your way back home.

A/N: Want to see Azriel pay for his crimes instead? Go read the alternate angsty ending here!

#acotar fic #acotar one shot #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #acotar #azriel one shot #azriel #azriel acotar #azriel x you #azriel angst #acotar angst #acotar fanfic #angst #angst with a happy ending #request #azriel fanfic #acotar azriel

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kayesfanfics · 1 month

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Being Friends with Benefits with Gambit

Warnings: NSFW, AFAB reader, mentions of cheating, one sided love, love triangles around every corner, Morph lowkey has a crush on you

You and Gambit had always been flirty with each other, but nothing that got physical, at least until he came to you one day. He was sick of chasing after Rogue when she didn’t want him back, so he wanted to both make her jealous and let out some pent up energy. You decided to indulge him, admitting to yourself that you really did need a good lay, and you wanted to see Rogue get jealous because of you. So you agreed and let him lead you to his bedroom, which happened to be a couple doors down from Rogues’

After that first night, the two of you went to each other when you were either horny, frustrated, jealous, or all of the above. You didn’t explicitly tell the team but they all knew, having either heard you themselves or hearing it through the gossip that quickly spread through the Mansion. Rogue had shown she was a bit upset, but she also couldn’t blame Remy after making him chase after her and leading him on when she was still shacking it up with Magneto. Still, that didn’t stop the pang in her heart when she saw him whisper to you before you giggled and followed him upstairs. You and Gambit both knew you were hurting her, but Gambit was sort of okay with it and you egged him on, saying she deserved it for leading him on all these months

You watched with disdain as Gambit’s eyes were on Rogue across the table, whom was not paying him any attention. You longed for Gambit to look at you that way, but his heart was still set on the southern belle, yet his dick was set on you. You convinced yourself you were okay with that, thinking that at least he came to you for something, even if it was just sex. But truly deep down, you wished he came to you for so much more. For now though, you pined after him as he pined after Rogue.

“Meeting dismissed. Gambit, Y/N, Jubilee, don’t forget you’ve got the Danger Room with me in an hour. Good luck.” Scott grinned, before leaving the table to go tend to his pregnant wife.

“Looks like we’re gonna get our asses kicked together, chere.” You smiled at Gambit, using the nickname he used on him.

“Yeah, looks like.” He mumbled, watching Rogue leave the room, no doubt headed to Magnetos office. You glared at the back of her head, jealous that Remy was so focused on her that he couldn’t even see you throwing yourself at him right next to him. You glowered and left the table, crossing your arms, knowing he wasn’t watching you leave. You went towards the kitchen to get a drink, definitely needing a beer before fighting Wolverine soon.

“God, that’s gotta suck hard.” You heard a playful voice from somewhere behind you. You turned and saw Morph grinning at you like a creep from the hallway, before he jumped onto the counter you sat at.

“No shit, Morph.” You grumbled, taking a swig of beer as you wallowed in your self pity. “I just…I don’t get it! Why can’t he see I’m better for him? She doesn’t pay him any mind!”

“That’s what he’s thinking about her and Magneto,” he shrugged. “You can do better than him, y’know? You deserve someone who pines after you, Y/N.”

“Yeah? Like who?”

“I don’t know…maybe-“

“Oh, this is pathetic.” You both turned to see Wolverine watching you two from the fridge.

“What is?” You asked, looking at Morph in confusion.

“You two! Both of you! All of you! It’s ridiculous, really.” He grouched at you, grabbing a beer for himself.

“Aren’t YOU pining after Jean?” You teased, making him glare at you and Morph snicker.

“This ain’t about me, I’m talking about you! Morph after you, you after that southern weasel, him after Rogue, Rogue after magnet man!” Wolverine ranted before chugging some beer.

“What do you mean ‘Morph after me’?” You asked in confusion, looking up at Morph’s embarrassed face.

“Nothing! He means nothing!” Morph glared at Wolverine, who simply rolled his eyes and went back to his beer.

You grumbled in frustration, finishing your beer and tossing it before leaving. Everything was so confusing in this place, there were love triangles everywhere you looked and apparently, you were in a few of your own. You just wanted Remy to look at you how he looked at Rogue, why was that so hard?

*later that day…*

“Ya know jus’ how ta rile Gambit up, don’ ya chere?” Remy growled in your ear as he kicked shut his bedroom door behind him, your lips locked on his jawline, leaving large and dark hickies behind as your hands clawed at his trench coat. He moaned slightly at your actions, his hands feeling up your body that he carried in his arms, your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands grabbing handfuls of your ass and plush thighs as he walked the both of you over to his bed. His room was dark and smelled of his colonge, his sheets surprisingly soft as he laid you down on it, immediately climbing on top of you and letting his hands trail up your sides to your breasts, squeezing them and making you toss your head back and bite your lip as he played with them.

“Remy, please!” You whined, desperately needing to feel his touch without your suits blocking his skin. He raked his hands down your chest and abdomen before holding both your thighs in his hands, keeping them wrapped around him as he started to attack your neck with his soft lips. You moaned and grabbed a handful of his wild hair, pushing him closer to you as he sucked at that sweet spot behind your ear that sent shivers down your spine, making your back arch off the bed and press your clothed chests together.

“Why ya always gotta mess wit’ me durin trainin, dollface? Nearly fucked me right there in front’a ol Morph and Scott.” He said between kisses, his red and black eyes watching your face as you moaned and but your lip for him.

“I can’t…can’t resist you!” You pulled his hair so his lips would meet yours in a frantic kiss. “So handsome…so sexy…so wonderful…” you moaned between kisses, out of breath but not caring as you kissed him again and again.

“Aw, you charm Gambit, mon cherie~” he smiled and pulled away from the kiss, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it somewhere behind him. “How bout you show Gambit how sexy he is, huh?”

You smiled excitedly as he got off you so both of you could undress quickly, tossing clothes carelessly onto the floor, so focused on each others bodies you couldn’t care less about the mess. As soon as the both of you were undressed, you grabbed Remy by the shoulders and pushed him onto his back, climbing on top of him and straddling his waist, your pussy sitting atop his dick but not penetrating yourself just yet. You started with kissing his chest and teasing his nipples with your tongue as he folded his arms behind him to watch the show, his usual shit eating grin on his face as he watched you ravage his body. Your hands glided along his sculpted abs, following his happy trail down to his cock, one hand palming it while the other continued to feel up his body. After some more teasing, he bucked his hips up into your hand and raised an eyebrow at you, giving you the signal that he was getting tired of your teasing.

“So impatient~” you purred, trailing a finger down his chest as you crawled down the bed until your face was level with his cock. You grabbed it fully in your hand finally, making him sharply inhale as you started to move your hand slowly up and down his shaft. His arms moved to grip the sheets as you opened your lips to suck on his tip gently, swirling your tongue teasingly and watching him squirm below you. You smirked with a mouthful of his dick until his hand grabbed your hair and shoved you down, his cock quickly hitting the back of your throat, making you choke and gag around him. He heartily laughed at your reaction as he moved your head at the pace he pleased, eventually letting go once you found a good rhythm for him. You gripped his thighs when his hips bucked up into your face, warning you that he was about to cum. You braved yourself by squeezing his thighs until his semen sprayed down your throat, then rubbed his thighs as you swallowed everything he gave you.

“Fuck, chere!” Remy panted as he came down from your high, watching you sit up and wipe your mouth elegantly, your eyelashes batting at him sexily as he caught his breath. He suddenly sat up and pushed you face first into the bed so your ass was up and your face buried in the covers. You moaned as you felt his hand grab a handful of your ass and grope it, before smacking it hard enough to leave a red mark, making you yelp and grip the sheets beneath you. “Think ya can take Gambit now?”

“Yes! Please, Remy! I need you so badly!” You begged him, tilting your head to make eye contact with him behind you. He smirked and slapped your other cheek, chuckling when you squeaked and buried your face into the covers to hide your blushing face. You gasped when he tugged your hair harshly, before feeling the tip of his cock prod at your entrance. Your back arched impossibly more as he slowly entered you, whining as you felt every inch of him in detail slip into you.

He leaned down to press his chest to your back and place a few kisses on your bare shoulder, asking, “Ya alright, chere? Ready for Gambit?”

You nodded desperately and soon felt his cock pumping in and out of your pussy. You let out a choked out moan as he picked up his pace, hearing the smack of his hips against your ass as he thrusted harder and harder. You whimpered out his name pathetically like a prayer, before feeling his free hand slip beneath you and his fingers beginning to rub and pinch at your clit. You cried out at the feeling of all this stimulation at once, Remy’s skilled fingers and hips fucking you just right into his mattress.

“R-Remy, please! Fuck! Rem, I-I’m gonna…ah!” You screamed as he pistoned in and out of you, his hand pulling your hair harshly and his fingers playing with your clit expertly. “Please please please please please! Gambit! R-Rem!”

“Cum fer Gambit, mon ange! You can do it!” He huffed, out of breath from the workout of fucking you. You gripped the sheets so hard your knuckles turned pale as you shut your eyes, feeling the coil inside of you snap with one last harsh thrust of his hips into your pussy. Gambit slowly fucked you through your orgasm, pulling out and rubbing your pussy softly as he set your shaking body down on his bed, getting up and heading to his bathroom. You heard the sink run, before he returned with a washcloth to wipe down your inner thighs. Your chest heaved as you caught your breath, your abdomen spasming as you came down from your high.

Once clean, he tossed the wash cloth onto the floor with the rest of your clothes and got back into bed with you, tugging the covers over you as he pulled you to his chest. You cuddled into him, hands around his abdomen and face buried into his hairy chest. He mindlessly played with your hair as the both of you relaxed and rested together, holding the other in comfortable silence as your eyes began to feel heavy.

“Remy?” You shyly spoke up, finally breaking the silence.

“Yeah chere?” He asked, not moving his eyes from staring up at the ceiling.

“I um…what are we?”

You felt his hand stop playing with your hair and his breath hitch, before he let go of you and sat up, fidgeting with the covers as you slowly sat up with him, holding the covers up to your chest.

“What’s this about, mon chere?”

“You know what it’s about. I can’t…I can’t keep doing this if this is all we’ll ever lead to. I have too many strong feelings for you to do this to myself. I…I love you, Remy.”

He finally looked you in the eyes, and unreadable expression on his face, before he slowly dissolved into laughter. You glared at him and smacked his shoulder, pouring that he wasn’t taking this seriously.

“I’m, I’m sorry, Y/N! Gambits sorry, it’s just…why does this shit always gotta be so damn complicated?”

“You’re telling me.” You grumbled. “Well? What are we? Answer me.”

“We are…we are friends with benefits currently, no?” He grabbed one of your hands. “Y/N, Gambit loves ya very much, it’s just…he also loves Rogue still too. He couldn’t give ya the full attention ya wanted, not right now at least. It ain’t fair to ya, but I love ya both, at least for now.”

You looked at him sadly, despite already knowing he still loved Rogue. You thought about how Morph felt the same way you did about him, and how Gambit felt the same way about Rogue. It was a complicated love triangle…square? Whatever. It was complicated, full of strong feelings, but you knew what you all felt was real and valid for each other.

“I think I can live with that for now.” You sighed, giving him a sad smile before leaning in to kiss him.

#x men 97 #xmen x reader #gambit x reader #remy lebeau x reader #remy lebeau

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victoirey · 1 year

Note

Okay but imagine:

Neteyam and Lo’ak both falling in love with reader after seeing her threaten Tuk and Kiri’s bullies and seeing her become close friends with their sisters and them both pining over her from a distance but never actually talking to reader and driving Jake crazy until her smacks some sense into both of them

♡. "king(s) of your heart" —

synopsis / in which the sully brothers are head over heels for you.

gn!reader | this is basically headcanons on a polygamous relationship between the sully brothers. polygamy is where two or more people share one person and only one person. they dont love eachother romantically. it is 1:40 am and I'm tired. yes that is a taylor swift reference in the title. lotsa words

i am a firm believer that these boys like girls who, although kind, are still rough around the edges in some way. they see you cussing out aonung and his possé? instant attraction. instant. like *snap* instant. they see you playing with children and chasing them around? instant INSTANT infatuation. no joke. literally down bad seven seconds in.

thus, it starts the pining.

you start seeing little trinkets next to you, coincidentally left by the wind ( or by neteyam's tail swooping them into your vicinity ) — but still, you love them. you keep them. you cherish them. neteyam is ecstatic and lo'ak is NOT having that

lo'ak starts giving you a bunch of well thought out gifts. from afar. he steals the method his brother uses. his brother is pissed. jake sees this. is entertained at first. but then it just gets boring and he has to go all military dad on them.

"you two love them is what I'm seeing. you two love them so bad it's disgusting. am I correct?"

"yes sir."

"...good. you three remind me of me and your mother. but, if you keep on going like this, just pining over them without them knowing who you even are, then you'll never get them to be yours. your mother and I agree on polygamy being alright, but we also agreed on you two being cowards. ask them on a date. both of you. figure something out. I will not have cowards as sons. okay? okay. now go get 'em."

that half encouraging speech half scolding was EXACTLY what they needed. they settled everything aside, realized that love triangles were for white people, and instead settled on a polygamous relationship between you and them, based off of communication and shared love.

#bondingbrothers

the only problem was getting you to accept both of them... so let's go depending on your species,

if you're a human, you'd probably be more open to the idea which is obvious considering that humanity has always had polygamy in its history. so, it'd be easier for you to accept, and you do.

if you're a na'vi, a race that is canonically and strictly monogamous— you'd be conflicted. you wouldn't know whether or not this was right, except, you would follow your heart, in the end, wouldn't you? you'd be theirs as quick as a human would be. primarily because I know all of you are down bad for the sully brothers. it would be near impossible for a na'vi to enter a polygamous/amorous relationship canonically.

alright, im in the mood for a mini drabble, aren't you? ( featuring dreamwalker , aka , human reader !)

"...what???" you breathed, confused. you had been caught off guard, initially, with how you'd been receiving trinket after trinket both in your avatar and out— and honestly , you thought it just couldn't get anymore surprising.

it did.

somehow, the culprit, or rather, the culprits, were the sons of Jake Sully, who is ... alot of honorable things. so , naturally , you're confused.

"we know that we like you, y/n— and we heard that polygamy was practiced amongst humans... so, you know, we wanted to see if you were for it." neteyam started, and lo'ak continued. "but if ya aren't—"

"oh I'm for it. I'm for this." you interjected. "just.. why me??"

they looked relieved but also offended at how you judged their tastes. how dare you , how could you not be confident in yourself !?!? absolutely unacceptable.

they'll love you until you're able to love yourself, and after that.

"excuse me-uh!" lo'ak gasped, his offense shown. "I will have you know that you are not just you??? where do you get that from?!? you're someone whose struggled through so much stuff and you're so strong and—" "

"quiet, skxawng." neteyam shushed, and lo'ak glared but reluctantly obliged. neteyam awkwardly coughed into his hand, picking up the pieces his brother dropped. "what we're saying is that— you're ... pretty cool. so, be ours?"

"but only if you want to!" lo'ak interrupted once again, then his head snapped to neteyam— "what'd i do?!" he said, as his brother punched him ( gently. ) they bickered, and bickered - and bickered. that is until your snicker caught them both stilling.. they smiled, knowing that they had both made you smile— and you laughed.

"you're both idiots!"

they took that as a yes, and it was.

ALRIGHT IM TIRED OF BUILDING THE RELATIONSHIP ITS TIME TO ACTUALLY GIVE YOU A PEAK ON THE OFFICIAL RELATIONSHIP except we'll take it one step at a time <3

— early days

first things first, things get so awkward between you guys ! this is your first relationship. this is neteyams first relationship. this is also lo'aks first relationship. and it's a polygamous relationship! it would've been a lot of work to communicate in the earlier days, especially since lo'ak and neteyam butt heads constantly.

lo'ak and neteyam are constantly planning fancy dates to surprise you, which can also double as brotherly hang outs, yeah, but they're so focused on wooing you in their own ways they forget to compromise and find a way both of them can woo you.

of course, you see this, and reassure them that hey— you don't have to spend this much time to make me happy! you guys already do by merely existing (and it is definitely not because the "y/n" we are speaking about is a reader insert and every reader is down BAD bad for the sully brothers)!

naturally, that doesn't solve the problem.

what solves the problem is you sitting down with them to communicate. you all guide eachother to a compromise, something that suits all of you. the brothers agree on an alternating schedule. one day would be a day where you'd just chill with primarily lo'ak, and one day would be a day where you'd just chill with primarily neteyam. however, Sundays? Sundays are bonding time between the three of you it's like a date! neteyam and you, lo'ak and you, and then its like reconnecting and bonding between brothers when it comes to lo'ak and neteyam.

the schedule worked well for you guys! neteyam could do his own thing, so could lo'ak, and they'd only have to cooperate for one day, which would still strengthen their relationship! also, you'd be showered in love all day!

perfect !!!!

— getting to know eachother better

naturally, they were not born on earth. you weren't either, but nonetheless— as a human, you know more about humanity than they ever will. especially since you keep yourself updated on trends & history & human literature — so naturally, they feed you information while you feed them information.

you tell them stories of human mythology and they stand in awe at how complex humanity can be in many other ways besides weapons. there is more to humanity than what meets the eye, and you show them that. you bring them local human foods like fries because I am a firm believer that the lab has an artificial garden that grows potatoes. they are in awe. they love fries. I hope you love fries too, reader. personally fries are the only thing I can imagine eating besides noodles.

other than the difference in species and the fact they're curious about your differences— they're also curious about you in general.

what is your deal? what makes you tick? what makes you happy? what has you absolutely excited? they hope you indulge them, and you hope they indulge you.

— general headcanons

neteyam prefers to keep affection private— the most you'll get from him is a forehead touch or kiss, and maybe a tail wrapped around your waist.

loak however is the opposite. kiss him, hug him, climb him, he'll absorb everything like a sponge. he's for pda 100% he will take any chance to show people he loves you more than he could love anyone else.

neteyam and lo'ak, ever the competitive siblings, love to compete in things — racing eachother, sparring with eachother, you name it— they're doing it and all in the hope of impressing you.

they're also very protective of you, in and out of your avatar body. you fall off a branch? "LO'AK GET THE FIRST AID KIT—" "GOT IT!" "GUYS ITS JUST A BRUISE—"

naturally, Jake is supportive of your relationship. he's seen alot of polygamy and polyamory in his lifetime, and he's not against it. he's all for it actually!! Jake Sully Number 1 LGBTQ+ Ally on Pandora. he rolls with the lgbtqia+ plus , guys. every moment. like, not to call people out but have you seen max patel???? that man is MORE THAN JUST AN ALLY and also it's quite literally 2100s. come on now. you can't tell me he wouldn't be an ally.

the siblings are willing to learn more about polygamy and welcome you with open arms! kiri is basically your best friend — tuk is the one child you swore to protect like seven seconds into meeting her. spider and you, both being human, are also friends! you exchange stories with eachother and also bicker alot!!

you cant expect neytiris support to be more than just advice or knowing looks. personally, I think she's more open minded than people take for. I have no evidence. I'm just right. she mothers you in no time.

you, lo'ak and neteyam are new to polygamy, and although no one can promise a peaceful ride— you could care less.

you can get through anything with eachother.

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pedriscroquettes · 10 months

Text

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄. PEDRI

summary. you’d always claimed pedri as yours while he always found you as a disturbance to his life. here’s the timeline of your relationship.

warnings. angst, fluff, asshole!pedri, kind of annoying reader(?), virginity mentions, and a love triangle?

a/n. this goes out to all the delusional girlies like me. gif by pedripics

september 2007

the look of horror on your teacher’s face contrasted your calm demeanor. you thought she was overreacting when in truth she was not. you were too calm for what had just happened to you. doña rosy’s son had just cut off a huge chunk of your hair and was currently running around the class displaying it like a prize. the fact that you weren’t as upset as you should’ve been shocked your teacher.

the reality of it is that you thought pedro was cute and somehow instead of crying about your loss of hair you were rather flattered about it. you were quite literally insane for thinking that somehow this demonstrated that pedro liked you. at least that’s what your older cousin would say.

“boys are mean because they like you.” her words echoed in your mind.

soon the two of you along with your parents and pedro’s older brother fer were in the principals office. your mother was in shock and couldn’t believe that you’d have to start your hair growth process all over again. meanwhile, pedro’s mom was full of embarrassment and of course both father’s couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of them. after all you were both just kids who didn’t know better.

“well it seems your daughter isn’t too upset about the events that occurred therefore i have no reason to suspend pedro.” the principal decided.

“what? he cut off a chunk of my daughters hair! it will take months for it to grow back! surely there’s got to be some form of punishment for him?” your mother yelled.

“but mom i’m not mad at him.” you tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen to you.

“fine. pedro is designated table cleaner after lunch for the rest of the month and no recess for a week.” the principal sighed.

“but mrs. dominguez we play football during recess hour i can’t miss it!” pedro whined.

“you should’ve thought about that before chasing your classmate with scissors and almost leaving her hairless.” she scolded him.

on the way out of mrs. dominguez’s office pedro’s parents couldn’t stop apologizing for what he had done. meanwhile, all you could do was stare at him. he was the cutest boy you had ever seen, given that you were only six and didn’t know any better obviously. it didn’t take long for him to notice your glare and he began to approach you slowly. you lifted your shoulders thinking this was finally going to be the moment he declared his undying love for you like men did in the movies. you stood there stupidly with a smile plastered on your face.

“i should’ve cut off the other side of your hair if i knew you’d stop me from playing football. i hate you.” he told you before chasing after his older brother.

any other girl would’ve started crying, well more like any other smart girl. they would’ve realized he meant what he said but not you. you simply thought he was bluffing that he still wasn’t ready to confess his feelings. so, you simply brushed it off and picked up your book bag. you couldn’t wait for saturday, the day your family always went to his parents restaurant to have dinner. maybe he’d confess then.

october 2013

the humid hot air of the island almost made you turn around and go back home but your foolishness made you continue your walk. it took you almost fifteen minutes to make it to the local football field but alas you had arrived on time for kickoff. you sat next to fer, someone you had somehow gotten close with the last few years. it also helped that he was pedro’s brother and allowed for you to be close to him.

“why are you here?” fer turned around to face you.

“geez, didn’t know i was such a bother to you.” you joked.

“oh, come on! i like you my brother hates you which is why i’m so surprised as to why you’re here.” he looks back onto the field spotting his brother.

“pedro doesn’t hate me he’s just too scared to confess his feelings for me.” you playfully hit fer on the shoulder.

“yeah, okay. just don’t give him too many children i don’t want to take care of too many kids in the future.” he jokes.

the both of you chat for a bit catching up on your day to day when all of a sudden the ball hits the back of the net and the local crowd, which consists purely of parents and siblings, goes wild. you notice it’s pedro who has scored as he starts running towards the area you and fer are located and blows a kiss to the crowd. like the delusional girl you are you pretend it’s meant for you. no, you know it is because you’re still stuck on the idea that pedro is devotedly in love with you.

the referee blows the whistle and tegueste takes the win with a score of 4-1. you immediately follow fer onto the pitch to congratulate his younger brother and find him chatting with his teammates. pedro immediately goes up to his brother and starts thanking him for coming as their parents couldn’t since it was a busy night at the restaurant. you get ready to tell him how well he played but as soon as he sees you he walks away.

you’re supposed to be embarrassed but somehow you think he’s the one who is. you think that he’s too nervous to be around you and that’s why he left so suddenly. you’re about to walk back home when one of his teammates stops you.

“hey!” he seems excited to talk to you.

“hi.” you greet him back.

“i’m xabi, does your brother play here?” he asks curiously.

“uh no. my friend does. pedro.” you explain.

“oh! pedro! he’s great! he’s going to be good i think. do you go to-” he’s interrupted by pedro himself.

pedro is too quick and silent you don’t even notice that he’s been sneaking up on you until he’s standing right in front of you. he’s staring at you with a devious smile on his face and you wish you knew what he was thinking.

“you know what we usually do after a win?” pedro asks you.

“we grab the buck-” xabi is once again interrupted.

“shut up xabi.” pedro turns around to shut xabi up.

“we usually grab the bucket of water and pour it on all the scorers but today i proposed that we do something differently. i think you were our lucky charm and that’s why we should pour it on you.” his smile somehow grows wider.

you’re flattered at first but then realization hits you. the dress you’re wearing is too cute to end up drenched. most importantly you didn’t want to get sick. your smile falters when you see his teammates approaching you with the large bucket of ice cold water.

“no, pedro please.” you beg.

he tries to hold you still but your instincts kick in and you immediately kick his ankle. he lets go and you immediately start running. you don’t realize it but he starts chasing after you. you’re about to cross the street when he grabs you from behind and pushes you against the wall. he has a smirk on his face again. you panic not wanting to get soaked. you try to kick him again but this time he doesn’t budge and you’re about to give up when suddenly an idea pops up in your mind.

you grab his cheeks and kiss him.

“what?” he’s confused.

you can’t help but smile at the way his cheeks turn pink but you don’t have a lot of time so as soon as his grip on you loose a you take a run for it. you arrive home exhausted and out of breath. you dramatically fall on your bed with a smile on your face excited that at your wedding you’ll be able to tell all your guests about today.

november 2019

it had been around a year since pedri, as they now called him, left the island in pursuit of a football career. it had also been six months since you gave up on the relationship you had hoped to have with him and it had been approximately three weeks since you had started seeing xabi. something you would’ve only thought would happen if pedri had stopped existing. fer told you to be more optimistic about xabi and that he actually liked you because he would’ve never pranked called the local pizzeria and sent forty pizzas to your house.

the three of you were currently gathered at the beach alongside some of pedri’s friends patiently waiting for him. fer had told you that he would be staying for a week before going back to preseason with las palmas. being the kind person you were you had organized a welcome back party for him with the help of fer. you’d paid for the food, drinks, and the cake that would be delivered later that night.

fer watched you carefully decorate one of the wooden tables with all the snacks and drinks. it was so obvious you still cared about his brother and it somehow made him mad that his brother never reciprocated your feelings. even though pedri didn’t owe it to you to feel the same way it just made him mad that he had always treated you bad for no reason. you had never done anything wrong to pedri prior to his teasing so fer always wondered where his brother’s hatred for you came from.

fer doesn’t have much time to wonder about his brother because said person was already making his way towards him. he’s about to run towards him when he notices somebody else behind him, a girl. he quickly turns around to look for you but you’re too distracted with making sure everything looks nice that you don’t notice pedri or the girl with him. it’s not until everyone starts greeting him that you notice his presence. you don’t expect him to talk to you so you stay back with xabi and that’s when you notice the girl next to him.

you’re surprised at yourself for feeling jealous and hurt because you thought you had finally moved on from your stupid childhood crush. xabi’s arm wraps around your waist at the sight of pedri as if the midfielder’s presence threatened him. you turn around facing the beach not wanting to see pedri and his girlfriend, you assumed that’s who she was. you’re too entranced by the waves to see the look he sends your way and more specifically the way he glared at xabi’s arm around your waist.

who did he think he was? just because he was named after one of the greatest spanish players of all time he was some hotshot? pedri mentally scoffs at the fact that his old teammate had finally been able to ask you out. he had practically drooled over year since the first time you showed up to his games. he grabs alba’s hand in spite. alba was just his friend but felt the urge to rub her in front of your face. he didn’t know why he felt so mad at seeing you with xabi or why he was also upset that you weren’t looking at him in admiration anymore.

“xabi! it’s been so long.” he greets your boyfriend.

you can smell his cologne, the one fer had bought for him last minute when he had visited his younger brother in las palmas. it was intoxicating. you finally turn around to face him and it’s like primary school all over again. you mentally slap yourself for still feeling flustered around him especially after all the damage he’d done to you. the girl he brought offers you a smile and you can only giver her a weak one back not knowing how to feel. xabi treated you so well yet he wasn’t pedri.

as soon as he’s done speaking with your boyfriend he walks away as expected. you don’t feel embarrassed nor angry anymore but rather relieved you don’t have to face the feelings you thought you didn’t have anymore. you took a step back fixing your skirt and making sure your appearance was okay. xabi notices how you fidget. he always does. he notices the smallest things and you hate that you can’t reciprocate how he feels to the max.

“he’s an asshole.” he whispers making sure the two of you are the only ones who hear.

“xabi, come on.” you whine not wanting anything to break out tonight.

“what? it’s true! he’s treated you like shit since we were kids and he still does it now. he didn’t even say hi to you when you planned this whole thing.” your boyfriend claims.

he’s right but you’d never stop making up excuses for the man you’d probably love for the rest of your life.

“i mean i did annoy him every single day of his life until he left. he doesn’t owe me anything.” you replied.

“yeah, you were like 10 with a little girl crush on him so it doesn’t give him the right to act like that. he should just tell you that he doesn’t like you and leave it at that. he probably doesn’t even know that you help out doña rosy at the restaurant, or that you helped fer with his exams, or that you had convinced the principal to not take away his recess time to play football! it’s not fair to you!” xabi exclaims.

“you’re right but i just don’t want to fight him. not today. so promise me you won’t start anything?” you beg him.

he scoffs but then offers you a weak smile himself.

“yeah, okay but if he pulls some messed up shit tonight i can’t promise i won’t beat him up.” you both laugh at his words.

the two of you are unaware that you’re being watched by said asshole and that he’s gripping his cup to the point that the sofa starts dripping out of it. he starts looking for his brother leaving alba alone. in fact he completely forgets about alba when he can only notice how infatuated you are by xabi. what did xabi have that he didn’t? besides compassion and kindness since pedri clearly had the looks.

“when did they start dating?” is the first thing he asks his brother.

“wow, not even a i missed you or how have you been?” his brother scoffs.

“i missed you so much.” pedri pretends to care. “now answer my question.”

“why does it matter? you hate her?” fer continues to pour himself a drink oblivious to the fact that his younger brother is completely losing it.

“so? doesn’t mean i can’t ask about her?” pedri scoffs. “plus, look at him he’s such a loser. she could do better i guess.”

“better like who? you? please, don’t make me laugh. you’ve treated her like shit your entire life just because you knew how madly in love she is with you and now you’re interested? now, that’s she moved on with someone who cares about her? she is doing better. now go attend the guest you brought. it’s bad manners to leave her alone.” fer taunts his younger brother.

“fuck you.” pedri was always determined on having the last word.

on the way back towards alba an idea forms in his mind. it doesn’t take long for him to get everyone together. he brings an empty bottle and places it in the middle of the circle everyone had formed. the midfielder had decided to play spin the bottle with his old friends.

“so, here are the rules!” he speaks up. “when it’s your turn you spin the bottle and you get to ask them truth or dare. but if you ask a stupid question for truth i’ll skip your turn. now, who wants to go first?”

the game starts out light and fun but as the game goes on it becomes more intense and interesting. fer had somehow ended up skinny dipping with the girl next to him and an old friend of yours had confessed that she was the one who gave your old principal food poisoning with the cupcakes she had made. before you know it, it’s pedri’s turn. you stare at the bottle intently hoping it doesn’t land on you but as if the universe heard you it lands on you. the smirk he has on his face reminds you of the one who always had when he was about to do something to you.

“truth or dare?” he asks.

“truth.” you decided to go for the lighter option.

“is it true that you lost your virginity to xabi?” his first question takes you by surprise.

“what the fuck pedri?” xabi yells at him.

“shut up xabi and let her answer.” pedri glares at him.

“i don’t understand why that’s any of your concern-” you start.

“just answer the question and we’ll move on.” he urges.

“no.” you reply simply wanting to get this over with and go home.

fer is about to spin the bottle before pedri stops him. he looks back at you with a sly grin. your stomach churns and you start getting a bad feeling.

“wait, i’m not done. is it also true that you’ve had a crush on me since you were five and thought we would end up together even though i find you repulsive?” pedri started ranting.

you feel everyone’s eyes on you and soon you feel your eyes brim with tears. you don’t know why he’s suddenly putting you on the spot when you hadn’t spoken to him in a year. you’d thought he would’ve left you alone now that you were with xabi.

“well, don’t be shy now. come on? do you think about me when xabi kisses you or touc-” you don’t let him finish because you slap him, hard.

“maybe i was a pathetic little girl then who had no self respect but i do now so don’t ever talk to me like that again. i don’t care if you’re a future football star or the future prince of spain you have no right to speak to me like that. go to hell pedro.” you pick up your things getting ready to leave.

you take out thirty euros and hand them to fer.

“for the cake delivery. he should be here at 9.” is the last thing you say before you walk away with xabi closely following behind.

“what the fuck is your problem? did you just come back here to say all that bullshit to her?” fer confronts his younger brother.

“she shouldn’t have been here in the first place. she’s like a parasite.” pedri scoffs.

“without her i wouldn’t have planned this! she paid for everything and spent the whole day decorating this for you! she helps mom and dad out at the restaurant now that we get tourists there almost everyday. she helped me pass my exams and most importantly all those gifts i gave you when i visited where picked out by her. so, go to hell. i don’t wanna see you for the rest of the night so go home.” fer let’s him know.

pedri stands there in shock not knowing what to say. suddenly he feels horrible but he doesn’t want everyone else to notice so he picks up his shoulders ready to go home.

“oh and stay away from her. she finally found someone who cares about her and i don’t need your jealousy ruining that. xabi is going to play for girona next year and he’ll take care of her. i don’t need you fucking up anything else.” is the last thing his brother tells him.

you wake up to loud knocks on your door. you notice xabi isn’t next to you anymore meaning he’d probably left for training already. you yawn before slowly making your way towards the door. you don’t even check before opening the door something you regret when you see who’s on the other side. it’s pedri but now he’s rocking a black eye.

“your boyfriend paid me a visit last night.” is the first thing he says to you.

“shame.” you reply.

“huh?” he questions

“shame he didn’t get the other one as well.” you cross your arms.

“okay, i deserve that.”

“look pedri you have five minutes to tell me why you’re here before i call your parents and tell them you’re harassing me.” you say.

“i came to apologize. i was out of line last night and i fucked up. in truth i think i realized that i was jealo-”

“don’t pedri. you’ve had twelve years to tell me that you liked me or had a crush on me and instead you spent every single one of those humiliating me. maybe i was annoying but i have never disrespected you. now, leave. i’m happy with xabi and you’re not going to ruin that.” you interrupt him.

“but-”

“leave. we were never meant to happen. xabi is my person and i hope you find yours. hopefully someone nice and not full of hatred like you.” you slammed the door closed in front of him.

that day you call in sick for work and the day after that and so on until you heard news that pedri had gone back. his parents didn’t even question your absence after fer had told them what happened. you cried the first two days and then spent the next few days with xabi. in the span of those days he had asked you to move with him to girona and you didn’t even hesitate before accepting. maybe if you moved you’d loose all memories of the brown eyed boy you had once worshipped.

present day

the adjustment to barcelona wasn’t hard. the few years you were in girona were enough to learn catalan easily so you could communicate with almost anyone. the only problem was getting used to your new job at fc barcelona as a physical therapist. most of the players at girona barely stopped by opting to have surgery and recovering with their own staff. but at barça it was different, you were always busy with injured players as well as recovering players.

xabi and you had parted ways roughly six months ago when he transferred to roma. you couldn’t make the move not wanting to be too far from your home and you were surprised that he understood and took it likely. it was a rough breakup but not because he treated you bad or anything but because he had cared so much and now you felt alone. like you were missing your best friend.

you had stopped keeping up with pedri so you had no idea where he was now and had even stopped talking to fer to which he understood why. he wasn’t mad but he was upset that your friendship had failed because of his asshole brother. alas you shake your thoughts away when a knock on your office door interrupts you.

“come in!” you pick up the file that had been dropped off earlier about the player you’d be seeing today.

the door opens but you’re too engrossed by the files to notice who it is. you’re halfway into the summary of his injury until you notice you don’t even know who you’re treating. when you see the name up top your mind goes blank. you almost walk out the door at the sight of pedro’s name. you spend a few minutes panicking before remembering you’re being paid to be a professional so you gently get back into that mindset and set the file down.

“so the process of your recovery will include-”

“so, you’re just going to pretend that we don’t know each other?” pedri asks you.

“for the remainder of the time that i will work here? yes. now shut up and let me explain how your recovery process will go if you want to play again this season.” you scold him.

he just scoffs and shuts up.

“i assume the medical staff has already told you that you need to apply ice packs to the injured area several times a day as well as taking pain medicine?” you ask him.

“yeah.” he replies staring at the roof wanting to avoid your glare.

“okay so, as part of the healing process i’ll advise you certain gentle hamstring stretches to strengthen you and when the pain begins to subside we’ll move on to harder strengthening exercises. we’ll start working on them on tuesday. i believe that’s all so unless you have any other muscular issues or problems please let me know now.” you reply as stiffly as possible.

“are you and xabi still dating? i mean i assume you’re not or else you’d be in roma. unless you’re doing long distance but i doubt it, it never works out. he’s probably cheated on you by now.” pedri simply starts blabbering nonsense.

“don’t really understand why any of that concerns you.” you turn around to type up his file to the database.

“because you’re too good for him and quite frankly i don’t think you should be with him.” he stands near your desk.

“who should i be with? the asshole that let everyone back home know i was a virgin? don’t make me laugh pedro.” you look up at him to meet that same mischievous smirk from twelve years ago.

“i’ve changed.” he admits.

“good for you pedro. there are plenty of other people in the sea that you could go after. unfortunately for you i’m not one of them. so please be professional and leave me alone. i have to see gavi in an hour so i have to get ready for that.” you urge him to leave.

“please, gavi isn’t even in need of physical therapy he just thinks you’re cute.” pedri laughs.

“like you? at least he’s professional and doesn’t throw soup all over me when i approach him for lunch.” you give him a smile.

pedri steps back realizing how much of a bad person he had been to you. he couldn’t even remember all the things you were accusing him of. he suddenly feels bad for that night at the beach where he had humiliated you in front of everyone just because he thought you were too good for xabi. when in reality he was perfect for you.

“look i’m really sorry for what i did to you. for all of it. i’m not the same person i was at the beach four years ago. and you don’t owe me anything but i’d really like to take you out to dinner and make it up to you.” he begs.

“pedri, you constantly made me feel insecure about myself, humiliated me, made me wear a bob cut so short i might as well have gone bald, and bullied me for my whole childhood so a simple i’m sorry isn’t going to cut it. now, get out of my office please.” you point towards the door.

pedri simply sighs in defeat before making his way out of your office. but he doesn’t give up because as soon as your sessions with him start you’re met with flowers on your desk, links to random memes he finds on the internet, and invitations to all the fancy and expensive restaurants in the vicinity. although what finally makes you give in are the coldplay tickets he offers you.

“what the fuck, pedri?” you jump up at the envelope on your desk. “i can’t possibly accept these? they’re like the best seats as well? oh my god.”

“yes, you can and you will. my recovering process is going much faster than expected because of you and you always mentioned how much you loved the band growing up. please take them.” he urges you.

you don’t know what comes over but you’re suddenly that little girl trying to cross the street and you grab him by the cheeks. you kiss him without a second thought but this time he kisses you back. it’s a short but meaningful kiss.

“i should buy you coldplay tickets more often, huh?” he teases you.

“oh, shut up.” you blush.

he slowly creeps up next to you and wraps his arms around you before removing a strand of hair from your ear.

“in five years when we get married i’ll tell our guests about this.” he whispers into your ears.

a sudden rush of heat is felt near your cheeks and you can’t believe that six year old girl inside of you has won. you stare in awe at the midfielder, not the one you hate and despise but the one you’ve learned to love. the one who will cherish you for the rest of his life. he kisses you with so much fervor and passion you forget to breathe. his hatred for you the hatred that had never existed is now replaced by adoration and love. and you smile once again at the thought of telling this lifelong story to your wedding guests.

#pedri imagine #pedri x reader #pedri fic #pedri fanfic #football imagine #football fic #football fanfic #ash writes

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planet-dusk · 6 months

Note

Hard thought about pervy bff Han. I was rereading raspberry sour and the concept is just so 😚🤌

So you're snuggled up with him in bed for movie night, but fall asleep & spend the night like many times before. You're wearing a cute halter & skirt because you hadn't planned come clothes ahead to sleep over. He turns the volume down on the movie, but he can still make out your cute form in the soft glow from the TV. You're splayed out comically, totally derpy but knowing you're in a safe place. He gets distracted by your open legs. He caresses your soft thighs and slides your skirt up to get a closer look at what panties you chose today. He's grown quite bold on your movie nights, taking the chance to squeeze your tits once he knows you're out. On nights when you wear his clothes to sleep he slides his hand underneath his own T-shirt to give your little nubs the attention they've been begging for, poking out and staring at him loose and free from your bra. He keeps it a little chilly when you're over, silently hoping you'll stay and he can touch you again. You wiggle and moan, but don't wake up then so why would you now? He settles down close enough to see your black thong and physically can't restrain himself from giving your pussy a kiss right through the little fabric. He goes to pull back, but the your expected wiggle and moan pushes your thighs right up against either side of his head. He's trapped for a second and moves forward so that his movements don't jostle you too much, but it forces his nose to press harder on your clit. Your thighs tense again, but then relax at the nice sensation. He nuzzles you again, and again. Once he starts to feel how sticky you are he pulls the tiny triangle of fabric out of the way and eagerly laps up the evidence. Your mouth falls open and your brow furrows in pleasure, but he doesn't let up. He slides his boxers down just enough to grab his dick and take the edge off, but alternating between sucking your clit and tonguing your folds voraciously brings both of obvious pleasure. You quiver around his tongue with a sigh and flood his mouth for the final time. He cleans you as thoroughly as he can, squeezing himself and leaking on the sheets in ecstasy at your sweet taste and feeling like the best bff in the world for taking such good care of you in his bed. But his heart is racing, he looks up to that sleepy O face that started as just parted lips and suddenly he has to cum, and his strokes never falter because it's happening right now. He scoots up just in time to aim for your tongue. Not a single drop spilling down your pretty face. He closes his eyes and bites his lip, refusing to make a sound as his creamy spurts fill your mouth. His eyes snap open when he feels the tiniest bit of pressure thinking you've reflexively closed your lips at the sensation in your sleep, but no. You're staring up at him with your lips around his sensitive head. You squint in bleary-eyed awareness of what's happening before swallowing the salty surprise in your mouth. With eyes locked in with yours, he holds his breath for the fallout. You have absolutely no idea what to say in this situation, so instead you snake your tongue chasing the flavor and licking the still perfectly positioned head of his cock as you think of what you do next.

gahh i need desperate pervy bff sungie so so bad <33 you'd tease him for being so needy, sinking down on his overstimulated cock and forcing orgasm after orgasm out of his spent body as punishment for his impatience. spit and tears stain his face while you mock him for being such a dirty, pathetic boy. if he wanted your cunt so badly he'll get it; but you won't stop until you're satisfied.

#answered #anonymous #tw: noncon #;skz headcanons

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grapejuicestyless · 2 months

Text

Linger Like A Tattoo Kiss

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: After running away from a long term relationship to chase after a summer fling, JJ is left with the pieces of what once was. He can try to get it back, but at the end of the day JJ always fucks up.(Inspired by the folklore love triangle and Normal People.)

“I really hated you for a while.”

Crickets fill the void of silence, a puff of smoke dancing from the old pot beside her, a cigarette squished out in her wilting daffodils. Her hands fist at the hems of her sweater, pulling it impossibly closer to her body, stretching out the stitching and crossing her arms to keep it in place.

“I saw a girl walk by hand in hand with this boy. He had lipstick all over his face, and I felt bad for the girl, I really did, and I had no reason to. They seemed happy enough to have each other, no wandering eyes or anything like that. I guess they just reminded me of us y’know? With the kissing and all that. Figured if we were once like that, who’s to say he won’t go and hurt her too? It’s a real cruel thing to assume, I suppose. To think love is damned just because it was for us.”

“Don’t say that.” She says it so casually that I almost miss the tears in her eyes she blinks at rapidly.

“Well we were.” She laughs bitterly.

“You always did have a wandering eye. Thought it was just people watching because I thought I knew you. It’s probably for the best that I don’t, you and your reckless thinking but you know, strangers don’t kiss like that. Almost makes me feel bad for you that in our entire life together I knew nothing about you, but then I remember what you did and I feel better for it.”

She looks up from her feet which have been crossed underneath her this whole time, shoulders pressed against the old doorframe of her even older house.

“So why are you here, JJ?” She finally asks, cardigan falling from under her arms and her fists pulling down her jean pockets.

“Why’d you answer?”

Nodding slowly, she thinks about it, smiling to herself before scooting over the threshold and swinging the door by its rusting handle.

My hand spreads flat against the chipped yellow paint, an old mark left behind from where the mail box used to be before people stopped sending letters and the metal rusted right off of the wood.

“P-please! Please, Y/n/n.”

Looking at her watching me, I see that she doesn’t hate me like she said she did, not anymore. But she doesn’t love me and I can see that too. It’s like I’m nonexistent to her, neither good nor bad.

“I know I hurt you, believe me I do. I just need you to hear me now so I can explain myself.”

“I’ll never love you again, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t expect you to. I just hope you’ll hear me and understand that I still do.” The screen door that separated the wooden one and the humid outdoors shook the whole frame of the house when it slammed shut again, her bare feet padding across the splintering wood to lead me away from her front steps.

“I haven’t seen you in months, JJ. You had all summer to make me see you and you wait until August is over? Did you enjoy spending July a bachelor too much or did you forget about me when you were six shots deep at the boneyard?” She tries to spin her anger like it’s a joke, but when she turns her head I can still see the twitching of her bottom lip. She pulls the soft flesh between her teeth to keep it still.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” She laughs.

“You were right.” I smile back at her, but it’s strained.

“Would it be wrong of me to blame it on my father?” I ask only half serious, hands stuffed in my front pockets and feet dragging in the dirt next to hers.

“I don’t think it would be wrong. Manipulative, maybe, but not wrong.”

“Well it’s true.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes away from me.

“You don’t believe me?” I ask, eyebrows furrowed.

“I think it can be half true. Maybe, if what you claim is the reason, your father did influence you to do what you did, but he did not make you do it. You did.”

Looking at her, though she sounded like she was smiling, I find that she was not. She even looked distant, detached from the conversation and uninterested at best.

“I don’t need to tell you how he gets, but I owe it to you to explain it to you now.” She stops just short of the old hammock strung from a big oak tree and a weaker dead one. It reminds me of the one back at the chateau, only more well loved and faded than John B’s.

“You don’t owe me shit.” She acts tough but she doesn’t move either and it tells me that she really does want to listen. At least part of her, anyway.

“Usually I don’t believe the shit he says. He’s a bitter drunk, he won’t even remember what he was thinking in an hour. But when he brought up your name, I don’t know, I couldn’t not buy it a little bit.” I scratch my arm and she says nothing.

“I mean, what would he know about young love? Abusive fuck with an absent wife, no love in his bitter old heart for his only blood but damn it beats when he’s beating on me. Guess I saw myself in him, to be honest. I’m always angry, and I’ve gotten better at hiding it but I’m furious just the same. I’m afraid I’ll inherit more than his temper, I’m already halfway to being knee deep in my own shit.”

She rolls her lips between her teeth, breathing out calmly.

“I don’t feel bad for you, JJ. I wish I did, I really do, but I just can’t. You’re a nice boy, you have decent morals and a good group of friends. It’s evident in you, no matter where you get it from. You are a bad person, I won’t lie to you and tell you, you aren’t because you are. Maybe I do feel bad for you then, but not because of what you’ve done but because you’re just now realizing it.”

“Y/n/n.”

“Look, you told me to listen and I have. You told me your half but I don’t owe you any of mine. You broke it, you don’t get the privilege of fixing it.”

When she turns on her heals I can see the dirt caked onto the bottom of her feet and I can feel it too. The same feeling of running wild when you’re still so young and naive to the real world and all its issues. I can feel the dirt between my own toes even if it’s not there.

“I won’t stop trying, you know.” I call out flatly.

“I already told you, I’ll never love you again JJ. I meant it.” She sighs heavily, spinning to walk backwards.

“I don’t need you to love me, I just need you to like me again. And I won’t stop it until we laugh like we used to.”

She doesn’t talk, but I catch her smile. It looks like shes not with the way her face scrunches in the fading sunlight but her lips are too upturned for her to not be.

“You came back.”

“I told you I would.” I smile with half my teeth, a toothpick dangling from my bottom lip and a new cut caked in dried blood evening it out on the top half.

“You were never one to keep your promises.” She talks from the windowsill by the kitchen. I can see her knees just under her chest and her socks scrunched up. She’s got her bottom on the counter and some baby carrots between her fingers drenched in ranch. Crunching away at them and double dipping.

“Maybe all this heartbreak has you losing your mind. I never broke any promises, I can promise you that Y/n/n.”

“You promised to always love me.” My confidence falters, she’s got a winning smirk and her knees beneath her now. Her elbows sit on the wooden frame and her head leans over the window to talk to me more clearly.

“Who said I stopped?”

I had her, I could see it in her eyes that I had her.

Y/n was never the strongest willed person I knew, but she had dignity and lots of loyalty that made her tough to crack. Even then, years of friendship built as a foundation for a long term relationship and a steady heartbeat in her chest made it hard to stop contact all together, even if she knew it was for the best. Which is why I knew I could crack her eventually, just not this quickly.

“Well,” she sighs, throwing her legs off of the counter to rinse her dishes in the sink. Her shorts are wet on the hems from the pooling water she sat on and her shirt is faded from the sun and the quick dry cycle on her dryer, “I guess I’m the one who couldn’t keep that promise then.”

“You don’t love me?”

“J,” she breathes heavy through her nose, “I loved you for so long, even before you knew. God, I think if you weren’t so blind you could have seen it too. You might as well have hung the stars and the moon for me. I loved so hard for so long. What we had, JJ, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.” She sighs, hopping back up into her previous spot and leaning in just a little closer so she can rest her head on the windows frame. Her leg dangles outside of the house and her arms wrap around the knee of the other tightly. She looks smaller like this and I can see the darkness in her eyes clearer now.

“What if I never move on?”

The question lingers in the air like the cigarette smoke that danced in the sky last night.

“I can’t make you feel something you don’t. I guess that’s the scary part. I can keep reminding you of what you did and you’ll never quit, will you?”

I shake my head.

“You know I love you.” My elbows rest against the wooden plank underneath the bend of her knee. If I lean too close my thumb would brush against her skin and she’d surely run.

“And I know it’s hypocritical for me to say when all is done is done, but there is no girl, no person that will ever make me feel the same way as I do for you.”

It falls silent between us and I can see now that her sad smile has turned into a frown, like some guilt has started to eat at her when she has nothing to feel sorry for.

“I’ll stay.” I hum softly, a quiet promise just between us, “And I’ll never leave again. You don’t have to love me like you once did, but I do think you make me a better person.”

“And if I go?” She mumbles back, eyebrows relaxing into her sunken face and slouched posture. She looks tired, a whirlwind of a spring leading into the fall taking all her old charm from her aching bones.

“Then I’ll follow you. Wherever you go, I’ll be there and we’ll be okay.”

She looks at me unsure, unbelieving and she’s smart for it. There’s not a thing I’ve proven to her that shows her I’m reliable, not a bone in my body has the ability to be that for her all the time. But I’d like to be if she’d let me again. And I would fuck it up this time.

“It’s over now, anyway. I guess it’s a stupid question to have asked when there no point to it. Guess I just wanted to know the answer. Make me feel better.”

That was the thing about Y/n, she always spoke her mind full and true no matter what. She doesn’t need to tell me why she’s said something but she always does. Even if she hasn’t done anything like she’s done now. When we were dating I thought it was because she could never stop talking, but looking back on it I guess she was never really loud. Only at parties and when she was scared. She rambles when she’s nervous I’ve realized, and I think it’s funny because it also means she can’t lie because either way the truth will come out.

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be.”

Silence fills the space between us again, her body fidgeting at how close we’ve gotten, breaking her unwritten rule of keeping me at an arms length.

I can see her fingertips searching for her old lighter and her pack of cigarettes. She was never really a smoker, only doing what everyone else had done but I assumed she had picked up the habit while I was away. It made me sad in a sense, not because they were being used, but because she had always been that girl in middle school who would keep them away from all of us. Weed? Sure! But she was smarter than me and most of the other kids who were broke and just wanted some relief, so I guess my heart just hurts seeing how she doesn’t really care anymore.

“Do you want one?” I shake my head no.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“Since when do you care?” The paper is between her lips, balancing on the sticky pink lipgloss she’s coated on her lips.

I shrug, looking at her manicured hands, delicate and smooth cupping around the end where the flame lights just below the end of the cigarette to keep the wind from blowing it out.

“Just didn’t read you as someone who would.” She laughs.

“Yeah, I was kind of stuck up when we were younger, huh?”

“I don’t think thats the right word.” She looks at me, taking the stick away from her mouth and tipping her head back to blow the smoke out.

“What word would you use then?” She smiles down at her hand, rubbing her wrists down her legs and her cheek against her knees.

“Careful, probably.”

She sticks out her tongue, groaning and sitting back against the window frame.

“Might as well call me boring then, right? Can see why you would want to run away with someone so much more…exciting.” She rolls her eyes playfully, lifting the cigarette back to her lips.

“How many more times are you going to say it?” My fingers wrap around the stick, lifting it to my own lips and covering the mark her own had made before putting it out against the back of my hand.

“Me saying it less won’t make it any less true.”

Maybe a smart ass would be the right word to call her. Heartbreak be damned, she was always quick on her tongue only now she had motivation to shoot for the kill.

“Have a nice night, JJ.” Her legs swing over to the cool counter tops where she scoots herself down and back onto the floor. I can see she’s wearing a baby blue bra when she bends over to shut the window, not that I was looking, and she smiles unenthusiastically until she’s turned the corner out of my sight.

“You’d think after a month of this you’d be bored.” She laughs, mittens covering her fingers and a soft cardigan over her heavy sweatshirt. Her nose is numbing from the cold and the grass is crunching underneath the winter frost.

“I could never be bored of you, Y/n/n.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but bites her tongue with a gentle smile. Her cheeks glow and her eyes avoid looking into mine. The plants by her feet are long gone, only weeds that have frozen left behind among the cigarette stubs from all of our small talk by her windows and on her porch. Even with the constant sweeping, we’ve both picked up on the habit and we burn through them each meeting.

“Well, I’m not so sure about that.” She laughs more to herself than to me, hands crossed under her arms and shoulder pressed against the door.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know, I suppose I’m just not all that interesting of a person. Not much about me that makes me special.”

Theres a bitter windchill that weaves its way between us and a relentless shiver that travels up my spine and down to my fingertips.

“Well I think you’re plenty interesting.” I smile proudly, almost foolishly at her and wait for her reaction.

She only hums with a puff through her nose and nods, and when her eyes flicker back up to mine they seem a little bit more focused in on me than before.

“I think you’re very pretty too, by the way.”

She laughs again, holding her index under her nose and crinkling her eyes.

“Don’t.” She braces herself further into the doorway and lulls her head back for a moment before coming back.

“Well it’s true!”

“I would hope so, I mean we were together for, how long?”

I fake offense that she doesn’t have the days counted down like I do. Years to months to days to hours to seconds, I have it all calculated in my head.

“You’re relentless, do you know that JJ?”

“I’ve been told a few times, yes.” It’s my turn to laugh, shifting from the heals of my feet to the balls of my toes. I shove my hands deep into my pockets and pray she doesn’t see the blue of my lips and send me home.

It goes quiet for a brief moment, our breathing pausing in our throats and the cold air releasing foggy puffs through the parts of our lips. It doesn’t get as cold as it would up in New England here, but the frost still nips away at the thin skin I’ve grown and bites at the tips of my fingers and the bottoms of my toes.

“How’s Pope doing?” Her breathing has gone heavy again.

I know she’s specifically asked for Pope because he’s the only one who truly saw my faults. John B and Sarah far too woven into their own web of unfaithfulness and Kiara too unbothered to care. Pope was always the most sensible out of us, so when I came home after nearly half a decade unfazed and claiming to have ended things without solid grounds to stand on, he let me have it. In his dad’s truck, specifically.

Driving downtown to the rich side of the island with bags of groceries slung over each shoulder and the bumps in the road shaking the plastic outrageously loud. I told him first, and part of me knew he would see my mistakes and call them out, but I hadn’t and I didn’t want to. I’d never seen him so mad, threatening to pull over if I didn’t make things right.

You can’t force a person to love someone forever, and you can’t force a person to change their behavior if they can’t see it’s broken. Pope couldn’t have done anything to make me go back. If I had, I would have faced her teary eyes and sad smile telling me that she was alright as long as I was well. She believed me when I said we were better for it, and sometimes I wished that I had picked a girl who could fight.

“He’s well. His dad too, actually. Started making deliveries to the far side of the island to make more money. By this time next year hopefully he’ll be on his way to college.”

“Well, he always was the smart one.”

She smiles underneath her mitten clad hand, looking at her feet.

“We all got lucky, you know? Having someone like him around. It’ll be weird without him around so often anymore.” My thumbs press harder into the bottoms of my pockets to savor the warmth radiating from my thighs.

“I like Pope, he always was my favorite.”

I nod, smiling into the silence again.

“Is he still your best friend, then?” She asks plainly, not really looking for much of an answer.

“No.”

She cocks her head, leaning all of her weight into the wooden door frame.

“Why’s that then? Has John B finally made you lose your mind?”

She never really did like John B. He was loyal and she respected him for it, but he was just like me. He was good but he wasn’t a good person.

“No.” I answer again, trying to hide my growing smile, “You are.”

“That’s funny.”

“It wasn’t a joke.”

She laughs through her nose.

“Yeah well, we barely talk so, I don’t think I can be your best friend.”

“Well you are.”

“Well then thats sad.” She looks at me sympathetically, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.

“I don’t get to do this with anyone else.”

“Do what?”

“This.” I motion with my hands. “Just sit and talk, even if it’s only for a moment. I guess I just feel better around you, I can’t explain it.”

She’s nodding her head thoughtfully at my words, pulling her mittens off and holding them in one hand carefully.

“JJ.”

I hum, looking up from where I’ve began to stare a hole into my boots.

“You should come in.”

“Okay.”

It’s been too long since I’ve smelled the warmth of the inside of her home. Soft vanilla mixed with the citrus and salt that can only be found in places surrounded by ocean. Yet, I can’t find this smell in any other place. Her perfume lingers beneath the surface of the smell but I can’t quite recall the name of it anymore. It drives me crazy when everything smells like her and I go mad wondering why I would have chased after another girl when I already had her.

“Sorry for the mess.” Her house is small, maybe just a bit smaller than mine but it’s nicer than mine.

She kicks a blanket that has fallen off of the arm of her plush couch into the corner, and I pick it up.

“No, it’s perfect.”

She laughs, opening the door to her room and situating herself underneath her worn in white bed sheets. I hesitate, unsure if she’s welcoming me in with her, though I wouldn’t mind just laying on the floor. She has this soft carpet by the side of her bed that would be comfortable enough for a short time. But to my surprise she does open the bedsheets, scooting over and letting me sit underneath the thick layers.

“I still don’t forgive you, by the way.” She mumbles as I climb in beside her, crossing her arms to prove something.

“I don’t expect you to.” I smile at her, and I catch her vaguely smiling back.

Sitting waist pressed to waist, the heavy comforter weighed down by her stack of blankets piled on top shifts into a tent as she crosses her legs. She pulls it up to her chest so she can hold it under her arms and I wonder how she’s not hot even in the winter chill. I can feel my own sweat sticking to my skin underneath my clothes. Her lighter flickers beside me, a ball of smoke tumbling past her lips before she passes it to me. She lights another for herself.

I laugh at a thought I have, but it comes out stiffed with the paper caught in my mouth.

“I bet you’d pretend not to know me if we bumped into each other.”

The smoke from the blunt I dangled between my fingers disperses into the air leaving a faint smell of weed behind in its wake. I can feel it on my teeth too when I smile.

She doesn’t say anything, staring at me with a gentle smile and serious eyes. Her watchful expression makes me realize how depressing my words were and how true they could be. I swallow, looking down at where the blankets have pooled in my lap.

“Sorry.”

“I would never pretend to not know you, JJ.” She looks at me honest.

“I don’t deserve that.” I confess to no one in particular. I just say it out loud as it comes to my mind and let the reality behind it sink in like a knife to the heart.

“You did bad things.” She swallows, “But you still stuck around after. You promised to make it right and you are. I guess what you’ve done doesn’t seem so bad to me now, even if it is, is what I’m trying to say. Compared to most people, you were actually pretty nice to me.” She smiles sadly and all I want to do is to wrap her in my arms and press soft kisses along the top of her head, but it’s no longer my place to do that and I’ve made it so.

“I wish it were different.”

“How?” She looks at me pitifully, water collecting on her lower lashes. I’m not sure where she’s put the burning paper, if it died between her manicured fingers or if she rubbed it out on one of the books beside her bed, but it’s no longer in her hands when her arms fall heavy against her duvet in defeat.

“I wish we never dated, at least not so soon.” It’s my turn to swallow now. “We would have been better for it. If we had grown up a little first.”

She shakes her head, looking back down at her covered lap.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“I think we’d grow, but not by much. Growth doesn’t fully change a person and by facing adulthood I don’t think it would have made us end any differently. At the end of the day I’ll still turn to my cigarettes and you’ll still be drunk in the boneyard talking to some pretty tourist.”

“Well I like to think so.”

“And I think you’re naive for it.”

By now the smoke has dwindled down to fog around the room and the old blunt has died out between my index and my thumb.

“I would have done it differently.”

She hums, tell me more, it says.

“I would have bought you flowers. Not only on the special days but just because I love you. Wouldn’t need a reason to show it to you and I wouldn’t be stupid enough to run away from you either.”

I could list everything I could have done better for her endlessly but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been done.

“We’re still so young, it’s hard to know where things start to go wrong.” She tries to reason, and our eyes avoid the others wearily.

Neither of us talk, listening to the whistling wind banging on the large windows and feeling the faint chill seeping through the walls.

“I don’t drink anymore.” She looks at me.

“Good for you.”

“I do stupid things when I get drunk, I get sloppy I suppose. Talk to people I shouldn’t, hate the wrong people and make everyone feel bad. I don’t really like that feeling. I don’t like being a bad person.” I confess, looking at her and remembering how she’s confirmed my deepest fears without knowing.

“You can be intense but eventually you mellow out and you’re okay again.” She shrugs.

“I know, and I know everybody knows I don’t mean it but if I can prevent it I will.”

She nods again, eyebrows furrowing and her teeth catching her bottom lip. She looks to me with a serious expression.

“What about you. Would you love me if you met me now?” She asks.

“I’ll always love you.”

“But if you didn’t know me, if you didn’t love me. If I was just some girl you’d seen on the beach or in town. Would you be able to love me then?”

“Eventually, yes.” I admit. “I like to think that in some fucked up way you were made for me.”

She smiles at that, picking at her nails shyly.

“Yeah?” She looks up at me with shy eyes.

“Yeah.”

The grass under my feet is soggy, but the warm sun beating down on our shoulders slowly dries it and the dripping leaves above us too. It wasn’t a long winter, but it never really is here. Spring had rolled around just a few months ago with endless showers and relentless sunshine following behind it. Pollen dances in the air in a heavy dusting and the bees have begun picking out the prettiest flowers and the early summer air hangs humid around us.

“You disappeared for a while.” Her hands fold underneath her elbows. She’s swapped out her heavy cardigans for graphic baby tees and faded jeans. Her hair is lighter now than it was in the winter, and she has more freckles on her face.

“It’s only been a few weeks.” She looks at me and I swear I can’t read her so I clear my throat.

“I picked up some shifts with Pope. Trying to save up some money so I can finally do something with myself I guess. You know, I was never really the smartest with my money.” She laughs.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be annoying. Just…missed you is all.” She smiles up at me with a look I haven’t seen in some time.

“You could never be annoying.”

“It’s funny because I was over here thinking that you probably hate me. It’s kind of pathetic because you weren’t really gone for long, but you’re really the only person who still talks to me.”

She leans back against the old wood of her house, her face finding shade underneath the small overhang of her porch.

“I never hated you. I could never hate you. I think you’re really awesome.” I confess and it makes me feel a rush when I say it.

Y/n swallows hard and I can see her smile falter when she looks back up.

“Well…I like you.”

“I like you too.”

She smiles at me and I can’t tell if it’s the birth of exclusivity or friendship blossoming between us.

“I wish I could read your mind.” She mumbles out, stepping closer.

“Why?”

“You’re confusing.”

“Well, I don’t think I am. Maybe you’re confusing yourself.”

“No, it’s definitely you.” She smiles.

“I saw Kiara last week, while you were away. I thought about asking about you but then I figured it might have been weird because it wasn’t really my business. But then I noticed she was wearing my old shirt. I knew it was mine because I used to leave it at your house when we would fall asleep before I could crawl out the window. I never took it back and she was wearing it.” She breathed through her nose, “I guess I was just confused why you kept it. I mean, we agreed that we were better for it, you were so convinced that if we saw other people we would be so much happier. You saw another girl all summer, so I guess it just confused me why you wouldn’t have tossed it.”

“Maybe I wanted an excuse to see you again.”

“See, you’re confusing.”

“I don’t get your point.”

She huffs, hanging her shoulders and rolling her eyes.

“Someone who falls in love with someone else doesn’t keep their ex girlfriend’s shirt, they don’t worry about the next time they’ll run into each other.”

“Maybe I was just being a good friend.” I shrug, smiling as I stuff my hands into my pockets.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what!” I throw my arms up playfully and I can see how hard she’s fighting against a smile.

“Well were you? Being a good friend, that is?”

I shrug.

“Maybe, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess I never really thought about throwing it out because I was so used to you being there. You never said you wanted it back so, I never asked you. It’s funny too because when Kiara found it, she told me the same thing. She said it was stupid of me to keep something that wasn’t mine and took it. But I guess she didn’t have the heart to give it back to you either.” I find myself rambling.

“What if I wanted it back now?”

“Well do you?”

She shakes her head and all of our words seem to die on our tongues.

“She never stayed the night, by the way.”

“What?”

“The girl, the one I saw this summer.”

“Oh.” I see her cringing at the mere mention of the girl, Amanda, I think was her name but the whole summer was a drunken blur and the only times I ever saw her was after I was six shots deep and in need of a distraction.

After a five day bender and the hard reality of sobriety I came to my senses, she was nothing more than sex. Still, explaining that to Y/n wouldn’t have helped my case. It would have only made both of us feel bad. I left her for another girl who I didn’t even really like and nobody knew why.

“I don’t think it’s important, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“I’m not mad anymore, about her.”

“Well are you still hurt?” She looks at me through her lashes, index fingers picking at the skin around her thumbs.

“Sorry, stupid question.”

“It doesn’t hurt as much anymore.”

“But I still hurt you?”

“JJ.” She sighs, hands finding their way around her stomach.

“I still feel like kicking myself every time I think about it. You were always so good to me, you are. You let me into your house and you give me all these chances even after I fucked it all up. I don’t know why I did it, and I hate myself for it everyday.”

It goes silent for what feels like the millionth time today.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” She looks at me carefully, fingers pulling at the fabric around her waist like it’s suffocating her.

“I don’t expect you to say anything.”

She nods, “Okay.”

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

Theres a pause, and her eyes move back like she’s thinking really hard for her answer.

“I already have.”

Her words don’t give me the clarity I hoped they would. In fact, they make me feel worse. Even after I hurt her, left her alone for something not even half as good. I played two girls in the span of three months and I paid little to no consequences. She let me show her how sorry I was when she shouldn’t have and now all I can picture is her sorry face when I told her it was over for the first time.

“Do you think I’m naive for it?” She asks quietly.

“For forgiving me?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “For falling in love with you again.” I don’t know how to answer her when she consistently leaves me speechless.

“I don’t know.” I look her, hoping to find an answer. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know, thats my issue. I can look back on something and think I know what I felt at the time but, I don’t know. When it’s actually happening, I guess I have no idea how I feel or how to think.”

“Then how do you know you love me?”

“I don’t know. I never have a clue. I guess I just feel different around you than most people. But it’s not as obvious as other people make it sound, it’s the little things.” She confesses.

“I can tell you how I feel, if that would help.”

“Okay.” She nods.

I take a second to gather what I have to say in an effort to avoid some sort of word vomit from spewing out, but it’s to no avail.

“I thought you were shy when I first met you. Normally for me, I wouldn’t stick around for long because even with talkative people I find myself annoying. I hate the sound of my voice after some time. I figured I’d grow tired of my own voice quickly with you.”

Y/n looks at me, trying to figure me out.

“But you’re really not all that shy, you’re just careful. You think before you speak and maybe that’s why you don’t do a lot of it. Because you know what and when to say things and what sounds bad before you say it. You never know how you feel, but you know what you think and I think thats twice as important. Our conversations were different because of that. I could talk for hours and because I was talking to you I never focused on the sound of my voice or how tired I was of hearing it, I only thought of you. I guess that’s the scary part of it all, falling in love, that is. You don’t know you’ve done it until you try to think of something else and you realize you haven’t even tried to think of anything else without everything leading back to that one person.”

“That’s kind of scary to think about.” She laughs half heartedly.

“Because it is. That’s the fucked up thing about it all, nobody tells you that falling in love is more of developing an obsession to another person. It’s wanting to be around them all the time and praying every second you’re away from them that they’ll come around again soon. It’s the inability to let go after you swore to yourself you were done and it’s why I keep coming back to you.”

Theres a pause. I don’t realize how red my face has gotten until I stop talking.

“I think we’re probably just sick.” She smiles with her teeth, pushing my shoulder back to walk past me. We’ve left her front lawn so many times before. I’ve chased her across her lawn and rolled with her in the weeds, but I’ve grown so used to the faint glowing of her front porch lights and the flickering of the fairy lights strung across the door that it always catches me off guard when she moves away from the doorway.

“I think you’re probably right.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be together, then. Maybe you were right. We were better for it.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s true.”

“How could you not? You said it so you must believe in it.”

Shes playing with me and she knows it. Even though Y/n claims she’s hurting less and less the more we open up, I can tell theres still a wound bleeding somewhere deep, someplace within her that likes to see me frantic.

“Maybe I did then, but I don’t now.”

“Why?”

“Well, then you were just my girlfriend.”

“And I’m your ex now, so I guess it’s probably worse.”

It’s my turn to laugh now.

“No. I think it’s different now because I’m not only in love with you, but I love you.” I feel like I’m seven again, running around the blacktop and chasing around Y/n and tugging her by her pigtails. I feel like I’ve just confessed my school crush to her and it’s thrilling but horrifying all at once.

“Do you love me enough to be honest with me?” She smiles wider.

“I love you enough to do just about anything for you.”

“Did you ever see me in her?”

Somehow every time it gets good I am reminded of my past. It’s my karma. I’ve hurt her so it only makes sense for her to want to know everything before I earn her heart again.

“All the time.”

For the first time in forever, she steps closer, her hands resting on my waist gently and her breathing shallow against my neck.

“How?” Our noses practically touch when I look down at her.

“She was quiet, careful. She was never as smart as you but if I was drunk enough I could have made up anything. You guys would have been best friends, I’m convinced, if it were a different lifetime. Same jokes, same hobbies. The only difference was her heart.”

I find my hands threading themselves between the stray hairs by her neck, and I can see how her eyes relax the closer I inch towards her.

“You were much softer than she was, and I realized then that I only really ever wanted her because she reminded me so much of you. And it’s weird because I already had you.”

For a second I think she’s going to kiss me, and for a second I know she thinks so too. But her hands slip away from mine and her head ducks beneath my hands to unthread them from her hair to get away. She’s clearing her throat and mumbling soft apologies as she makes her way back up to the porch.

I feel angry, and I know it’s not my right to. I had her and I lost her through my own actions. I have no one else to blame. Yet, I find myself feeling vulnerable in a way I’ve never felt it before. It makes me feel sick knowing how close we got to fixing things and how quickly it was stripped away. I feel useless, and I figure it must be how Y/n felt when I left her and told her it was for the best.

“So that’s it then? What, we just tell each other we love each other and we pretend it never happened?”

“JJ, please.”

I can tell shes tired, conflicted over her own actions, but I can’t wait any longer to figure it out.

“I know it’s my fault but I’m trying to fix it, fix us! I miss you, more than anything and I can’t talk to anyone like I talk to you. I don’t know what else to say, Y/n. I love you, I love you so much it drives me crazy and I fucking miss what we had.”

She doesn’t say anything.

“JJ, I told you when you first came around. You knew this. I won’t fight for us, I can’t do that again.”

“So then why do you let me stick around?”

“Someone ought to hold you to your words. If you’re going to stay, then stay but I won’t fight for you if you leave.”

“Well I wish you would.” I can feel myself growing angry. I wish I didn’t get that from my father, his temper. I wish I was more like Y/n, more level headed and calm. But I was born angry and I am because I remember the way I ended things and I remember how quickly she accepted it.

“You lost that privilege when you left me for her.”

“Don’t throw that at me, we both know you couldn’t even argue with me then!”

“How could I, JJ? You’d made up your mind, why should I stick around if you’ve gotten eyes for someone else?” Her throat is scratchy, she doesn’t even have to look at me for me to know she’s trying not to cry. I want to beg her not to, because I know I won’t be able to withstand her wet doe eyes, but I’ve done it to myself.

“You know that’s not what happened, I told you what happened!” I feel the way we’re both growing tired. We get good and we fall apart.

“If you want to talk, we can talk but I can’t give you what you want. I can’t fight for someone who’s not even mine.”

“So then you want to see other people?”

“I never said that.”

“Well you implied it.”

She doesn’t say anything, shoulders shaking over the old railings of her porch. Her breathing is heavy but she doesn’t speak.

“So I guess if you want to see other people, then we should see other people.”

“Do what you want JJ, but just don’t come back here.”

She doesn’t mean it, we both know she doesn’t. She told me months ago she would never love me again, and though she has grown to find room in her heart for me, she’ll never let me see her vulnerable again.

I can feel the dirt coating my socks as it kicks up behind me. I’m not walking fast, but it feels like it with how dizzy I’m getting. Her door shuts with a slam and I swear I can hear a faint cry echo through her kitchen. But I’ll never know because I was too careless to try and knock.

It’s a different girl every time, but they’re all the same. John B gave me shit for it last summer when it first ended. I claimed to be chasing something better but they were all just different versions of the same girl.

There was always something off, the hair, the smile, the laugh. But if I drank enough and squinted hard enough I could almost see Y/n again and it would help convince myself that I was fine with her absence.

I find the fog of the early summer bonfires to be suffocating now, even with the solo cup in my hand and consistent pats on my back from classmates and old friends. I’ve flirted with half the island by now, I’m sure of it, and I probably look a mess but the tourist in front of me doesn’t seem to mind.

She looks like my Y/n too, they both like the same music. I wonder if I’ll accidentally call her the wrong name later tonight.

I told Y/n I stopped drinking, but I never promised it to her. So I suppose that’s how I ended up back where I started, trying to drown out my own issues with a warm beverage and a random girl.

I haven’t really been listening to what she has to say, I can only wonder what Y/n would think about her and if she would approve. It makes me feel sick knowing how many people I hurt in the process of healing, and I wonder if you can even consider it healing at this point.

“JJ!” A soft voice breaks through a loud crowd, dashing through the center of a bonfire to find me hanging back along the outskirts.

The girl in front of me shoots both of us a dirty look and walks away without saying a word.

“Y/n?” My vision is blurry and I wonder if it’s really her or if I’ve drank far too much.

“You’re drunk.”

“What?” The cup in my hand finds its way into the hot sand and over the intense stench of alcohol I can smell the welcoming scent of her perfume.

“Do you take me as a joke?” Her eyes are watering, shaky fingers wrapped around my wrists. I can see the faint flickering of the bonfire illuminating the side of her face. She looks so pretty like this, so tired.

“What the fuck are you on about, Y/n?”

“I let you into my home, into my bed; my bed!” She restlessly pokes her finger into her chest, clammy hands gripping onto my skin harder than ever.

“Well I didn’t make you!”

“You didn’t make it easy either!” She shoots daggers in my direction, stray looks from passersby’s tell us to quiet down.

“Yeah whatever.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She all but begs.

“You could have any boyfriend you want, you know. Boy’s are consistently falling in love with you, from what I’ve heard.” I slur, my right foot falling in front of my left and still Y/n holds me in place.

“Stop that, stop it now JJ I don’t like it.” She pleads through her gritted teeth.

“Right.” I roll my eyes.

“You don’t hate me. You told me so when I asked you, you even told me you liked me so stop being mean.”

“Maybe I’m just immune to you.” I try and joke through foggy memories and a sloppy smile, “Because I knew you before, in school when you still wore pigtails.”

“Right, when I was ugly and pathetic? You obviously don’t know me now JJ if you’re acting this way.” I ignore her insults, I couldn’t even process them if I tried.

“No, you were never ugly or pathetic.”

She looked at me, confused, not sure where this fight is leading us and unsure if we’d ever bounce back from it. Even sober our conversation is unclear, weaving between different topics and creating sore spots that’ll surely kill us soon.

“I know I’d be a shit boyfriend if I were yours. I’d rather anyone else, even the guys on figure eight who spit on me when I walk by.”

“JJ, you’re drunk, let me take you home, we can figure it all out soon.” My hands rip themselves from her grip, stumbling back into the sand.

“Why do you care so much JJ? Let me take you home, we can talk in the morning.”

“Because I’m selfish and even though I know you’d be happier without me I can’t even stand the thought of you being happy with anyone else but me.” Looking at my feet, I feel the tears falling from my eyes onto my feet buried in the sand. “Y/n I need to know if you love me or not.”

Neither of us can speak, and it feels like everyone around us can’t seem to find the words to explain out situation either.

“JJ.” She pleads softly.

“I probably should have mentioned this before, but I was seeing someone.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

Y/n doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t even breathe, and the quiet is so loud that I can’t help the drunken rambling that leaves my mouth. “That girl, I can’t remember her name now, but the one I had last summer, I saw her up until the fall. I asked her out too. Should have mentioned that before but then again, I feel like you hardly ever let me in anymore so.” I shrug, and because of the way my eyes so heavily avoided her’s I almost missed the way she looked at me like I was poison.

“I called her by your name, that’s why she said no.”

The world seems to fall quiet around us, stray smoke from the nearby fire weaving between us and sticking in our hair and on our clothes.

“Why are you telling me this? Is it because you’re trying to be such a good friend, is that it, JJ?”

“No—yes, I don’t know, I just needed to tell you.”

Her sniffles are deafening, I feel sicker than before hearing her fighting her tears.

“Oh god, oh my god!” Her hands cover her face, pulling down until her hands clasp tightly over her quivering mouth.

“I’m sorry, I want to fix things, I thought if I told you, you would like me better!” I try to rationalize but she only shakes her head.

“I thought it would be different, you know? I really did believe you when you said we were better for it, having taken a break to grow and learn. But I’m just as naive as I was when I was yours and I’m just as stupid for taking you back!” She spits it like venom, still backing away.

“You said it yourself, I’m not a good person.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t believe you could be one.”

It’s quiet again between us, and her touch on my skin lingers like a tattooed kiss, her words replaying in my mind.

Y/n believed we could work it out, but she was smarter than I was and more careful too. She knew better than to chase after something that was never meant to work out.

“I do love you, I really do. What we had, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.”

“No, no.” I try to follow her, but my feet fail me. I fan barely walk straight, let alone chase her.

“You know I love you, Y/n, you have to. I’m never going to feel the same way I feel for you for anybody else.”

She looks at me and it tells me everything I need to know.

I can promise her all my love and all my heart but it’ll never make us right, not ever again.

When she leaves, it’s quietly, the frame of her body losing its color in the darkness of the early summer night. It reminds me a lot of how this all started, and I feel sick.

I could stay as long as I wanted, but the truth was my devotion did not matter anymore, because she was always destined to go.

#jj maybank x y/n #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x you #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jjmaybankangst

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jeonwonoow · 4 months

Text

Chapter 3. A love triangle

warnings: just kissing lol

taglist: @miraes-world @viewvuu

—

"Where do you think are you taking me?" You ask Wonwoo as he drags you out of the building, to the parking lot. He stops but he doesn't let you go, tightening his grip on you even. "Let go of me or I'll scream."

Your threat didn't make him budge a bit. Wonwoo only looked at you, eyebrows a little furrowed. "If I proved to you that I never cheated and I didn't get Yubin pregnant, does it even matter anymore? You seem like you wanna live without knowing the whole truth at this point, Y/N. I'm trying. I still am. You weren't the only one in pain. I never planned - hell, I never even thought about losing you."

You looked down and he slowly let go of your wrist. That action made your heart ache a thousand times more. You wanted him to let go of you but you also wanted him to hold you, and he did the first one. "I chose her because I thought I got her pregnant too. I never chose her because I wanted her. I had you. I only wanted to be with you. But remember? Neither of us didn't want to take away that child's chance to grow up with a family.

"Y/N, I still love you. I never stopped." It's true. He would always ask Soonyoung for help although he never showed up until now because Wonwoo knew you still felt this way, that you'd still react like how you did the first couple of his attempts to apologize. "Tell me, do you still...do you still want me?"

"I don't wanna be a homewrecker, Wonwoo." You gulp, still looking on the ground.

"You didn't answer my question," he says, voice lower. "Say it. To my face." You kept your mouth shut and turned away from him. "Y/N," Wonwoo calls again. "Are you gonna shut me out again?"

"I don't-" your voice cracks and your eyes find the comforting gaze of Myungho who's approaching with Mingyu. "I don't wanna ruin a relationship."

"He wasn't mine. The child. I didn't marry Yubin." You don't know how many times you've heard it from Soonyoung and Hayoon, but hearing it from him squeezed your heart so hard. But you were selfish, too prideful to accept it no matter how sincere Wonwoo sounded. You walked into Myungho's arms as if what Wonwoo said did not matter.

"Why?" Myungho asks softly as he strokes the back of your head, while Mingyu walks up to his friend, giving him a man hug before dragging him away but Wonwoo's eyes don't leave you, taking in the pain seeing you hugging that man whom he thinks owns your heart now.

—

You put Myungho's dress shirt on his desk and sat down with pursed lips. He told you he'll just take it home after you stained it when you cried on his chest but you insisted on washing it yourself.

"Do you feel better, Ma'am?" He asks and you only chuckle at the name.

"Yes, Sir," you answer. "Are we...are we still partnering with ONETech?"

Myungho let out a deep sigh and nodded. "Don't worry. If you're not comfortable, I'll let someone else cover you for our meetings." You respond by shaking your head 'no'. It's a personal problem you have with Wonwoo which you shouldn't take to work.

Myungho gets up and walks to you, taking your hand and making you stand up with him. He puts both hands on your waist and he pulls you closer. If you said you don't get flustered over Myungho, that'd be a lie. "Okay. But if there's anything wrong, tell me." He inches even closer until you both could feel the hotness of each other's breaths. "If it gets heavy for you, then carry it with me. I don't want you getting hurt."

Before you know it, your lips are pressed on his, moving along with his rhythm. And your hands find their way to the back of his head, fingers entangling with his hair. Myungho couldn't stop himself. You couldn't either. The last time you made out with someone, it was Wonwoo. Of course you've fooled around a few times after you two ended but you never let any man kiss you on the lips. You couldn't. But why Myungho?

When Myungho pulled away, you wanted to chase him. Maybe you felt needy. But you came to your senses and stepped back, giving him doe eyes, almost asking what just happened without saying a word. Myungho gave back just the same look and tilted his head before laughing it off when he noticed that you didn't get mad nor were you gonna protest at all. "I'm sorry! I've moved on. I swear."

"We're friends, right?"

"Of course, ma'am."

—

You accidentally push the door close too hard, making your heart pound at the sound. You had to check on the door knob to make sure you didn't damage it, then you turned to rest your back on the door. You just kissed your boss.

Before that scene completely floods your mind, you notice a bouquet of tulips on your desk. But you both just reminded yourselves you're just friends (who just kissed). "Ah! Seo Myungho!"

J. WW

You hated how easy you get overwhelmed by things. It's starting again. Just after kissing your boss-slash-friend, you receive a bouquet from your ex.

—

"Hayoon, I can't," you cry that night, sitting at the porch of Hayoon and Soonyoung's house. "I can't do this. No. I-"

"Calm down," Hayoon gives your thigh a gentle slap. "I thought we'd be too old for boy problems," she laughs. "So, Wonwoo's back in the scene and you're confused about Myungho? I thought you rejected him before?"

"I did. Like, twice, I don't know." You were touching your lips as you spoke, remembering how his soft lips glided with them. "I know we're friends, he knows we're friends. Friends don't kiss on the lips. And- and I feel bad that friends don't."

Hayoon gasps, her other hand covering her mouth and the other pointing at you. "You feel bad because you want more?" You kick the air continuously while covering your face. "You may just be touch-deprived. Don't overthink. You don't like him. I'm team Wonwoo."

"Shut up." You sulk again. "That too. I pushed him away for nothing. I was wrong all this time."

"We've been telling you, Y/N. Wonwoo would never hurt you like that. Yubin was crazy, you should've known she tricked all of us."

All this time, you believed what you first heard. Then you became selfish and prideful. So much that nothing would change your mind and how you feel.

"If...if you were me, would you forgive him? Would you tell him it's all good now? Would you have the guts to face him and say it to his face after shutting him out for so long?" You ask Hayoon and she scoots closer, hugging you from your side.

Hayoon rests her cheek on your shoulder and you feel her nodding. "I'd be so ashamed but knowing Wonwoo, especially if it's you, he'd understand. But it's all up to you. You decide your own pace. Wonwoo is willing to wait until you're ready for him again. Even if it takes three more years, five, ten."

"We'd be old and gray then," you start crying again at the thought. "I hate myself!"

You didn't notice the footsteps approaching as you cried in Hayoon's embrace. Wonwoo leans on a wooden post on the porch with his arms crossed as he watches you. Hayoon only chuckles as she shoo him away with a hand, telling him to get inside. She rolls her eyes when Wonwoo sticks his tongue out and smirks after.

When you open your eyes, the first thing you see are his pair of shoes and the ends of his slacks. You immediately look up and just as fast, you look away while wiping your tears. His smirk morphs into a gentle smile and he walks closer to ruffle your hair before leaving you with Hayoon. It only made you stain the cheeks you just wiped with your tears again.

Wonwoo helped Soonyoung get the table ready while Hayoon walked you into the house, Hyungjun greeted you with a smile while chewing the tail of his stuffed dinosaur which Hayoon immediately took. "Honey, don't bite that."

"Oi!" Soonyoung's loud voice made you turn your head to the dining area.

"You-" you hiss at him. "You're setting us up again, are you?"

"Excuse me? You didn't even give us prior notice!"

"Hey, hey," Wonwoo covers Soonyoung's mouth, stopping him from being too loud while laughing. The scene looked almost like a flashback to whenever you guys gathered at Soonyoung's apartment when you were in college. "Nobody told me you're coming, Y/N. But if you're not comfortable, I can le-"

"No, I- it's okay, Wonu." Everyone turned to you with round eyes and as if on cue, Hyungjun lets out the purest giggle. "Come on! It's just his nickname!"

Only Soonyoung was blabbering stuff during the dinner. Not even Hayoon was talking a lot to support her husband due to the awkwardness.

"How old is Junnie again?" Wonwoo asks, eyes gently fixed at the kid who's been playing with his baby food. "Looks like a mini Soonyoung."

"He's one year old," Soonyoung happily answers but his smile falls when a spoonful of Hyungjun's food comes flying onto his cheek, making all of you laugh except him. "Right, right. Laugh at me, especially you two," the dad squints eyes at you and Wonwoo who are sitting next to each other. "Just wait till you get a baby." Hayoon was quick to kick her husband under the table.

"Crazy," Wonwoo comments and laughs it off awkwardly while looking at you, your lips pursed while you poke on your food with your chopsticks. "Just eat."

—

The end of an episode of the TV show you were watching in their living room after dinner signals you that it's already almost ten in the evening. Soonyoung already went inside their room earlier to put their son to sleep, while Hayoon stayed with you and Wonwoo, talking about stuff from college and what you're busy with at the moment. You just got to know that Wonwoo just came back two months ago from Japan.

"I think I should get going," you lean forward, getting ready to stand up from the couch. The two also get up and walk to the door with you.

"Are you gonna ride the taxi?" Hayoon worriedly asks because you didn't bring your car today. Wonwoo looks at you with worried eyes too. You just nod.

"I'll take care of her then. Thank you for the dinner, Yoonie."

"Mm, you two, send me a message when you're home, okay?"

You walk to the side of the road as soon as Hayoon closes the door. Wonwoo was fast to block you from going any further. "I'll drive you home. It's late, Y/N."

"Why did you send me a bouquet?"

"Just because...? I can't?" Wonwoo raises an eyebrow and your words get stuck on your throat. "Mingyu told me Myungho isn't your boyfriend. So, can I? May I? Y/N?"

"Don't." You frown. Wonwoo gulps and you could almost hear it due to the silence of the night.

—

"Why were you in Japan?" You ask when he started his engine. Wonwoo's surprised you're initiating a conversation.

"Work? What else?"

"Family?" There you go again. You look outside the window and Wonwoo opens it for you. He still remembers how you'd always ask for it whenever you two went on road trips. There was something about the wind whenever you rode as his passenger. It always felt cold yet warm.

He chuckles in disbelief at your question though. "Y/N, I already told you, that kid wasn't mine. Yubin actually got married to the real father of her son." You furrow your eyebrows but you don't look at him. "She was so obsessed with your boyfriend back then that she tricked everyone even though she knew the truth. And your boyfriend was stupid."

After that, the ride went quiet. You're getting eaten by guilt and shame, but Wonwoo seemed okay over all. It didn't matter to him that you did or did not believe him. What matters was that you're with him.

"Where do I drive you to? Did you move out of the flat we shared?" He asks and you nod. Understandable. You had all sorts of memories there.

You lean onto his dashboard, opening his gps on the infotainment system. The map shows he's been driving in the opposite direction and you didn't even tell him until now. "You're trying to spend more time with me now, I see."

"I'm just wasting your gas, dummy."

#wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo smut #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo angst #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #xu minghao #minghao #kim mingyu #the8 #jeonwonoow : works

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bellezaycafe · 4 months

Text

Get Your Shit Together - Chapter 7

genre: 2024 and onwards AU, with the 2024 starting grid.

pairing: Romantic!oc x that triangle y’all voted on. Platonic!oc x the whole grid.

warnings: swearing, mentions of physical crimes, discussions about gangs, mentions of bars and alcohol. Besties arguing. talk about the accident in chapter 4.

context: Part 1 and Masterlist…

comments: here’s the Max and Sadie content I promised. I like to reveal details slowly, as you can tell. Also, I’m writing Oscar like he’s a genius because I can see him putting the pieces together before anyone else.

Also, I'm not referring to AlphaTauri as Visa Cash App Racing Bulls or whatever their rumoured name is.

The three time World Driver Champion grumbled as his phone buzzed. He was tired of people texting him. He wanted one day of peace.

Lando: you should have told me

Max: Told you what?

Lando: why sadie disappeared

Max froze and knew his peaceful day was gone. Either Lewis had spilled, which was unlikely, or Lando had found the Australian girl.

Max: Who told you?

Lando: she did

Lando: you should have told me

“Goddamn it, Lando,” he muttered and pulled himself off of his couch.

Max: I take it you found her

Lando: by accident

Lando: but yeah we found her

Max sighed and tapped the call icon. This would go so much faster if he wasn’t wasting time typing.

Lando picked up in two rings.

“Witness fucking protection, Max,” he greeted.

“Is she with you now?” It was the first thing on Max’s mind.

“No.“

He couldn’t see Lando’s face but Max could hear him pacing.

“Lando-“

“Witness protection, Max. Gangs! Attempted assault!” The boy was raging.

But Max picked up the details Sadie had never told him.

“She’s told you more than she did me. What attempted assault?”

Lando didn’t reply as another voice, faint from distance, interrupted them.

“No, I’m not giving you the phone. Go ta- Hey!”

There was a scuffle and Max Fewtrell’s came over the line.

“Max, mate. Can you stop this dumb fuck from doing something stupid?”

“It’s Lando Norris,” the Dutchman commented.

“Yeah, that’s the fucking problem.”

There was more background arguments which had Max impatiently tapping his foot.

“Right, I’ve got the phone now,” came Oscar’s accent. “And you’re on speaker. Do you want me to explain?”

Max grunted an affirmative.

“Right. Sadie works a bar at a restaurant about 45 minutes drive from here. Lando and Max went there for dinner because Daniel said it was good and low key. Lando recognised her, she recognised him. She drove him back to my mums house and apparently ‘explained what she could’ on the way.”

Max could hear irritation in the young Australian’s voice and wondered why he was riled up.

“Okay, and now she’s gone again?”

“Yes,” Lando whined.

“And she left without giving you a way to contact her,” the Dutchman guessed.

“Yes,” Lando grumbled.

“Sadie has our numbers,” Oscar added. “Lando’s and mine.”

“She’ll text you if she wants to.” Max tried to reassure.

“Will she?” Oscar asked.

“I don’t know,” the Dutchman admitted.

“She unpredictable,” Lando observed.

“No shit,” came Max Fewtrell’s voice. “She took your fucking car to the leg for you. If anything is unpredictable, that’s it!”

“Right, I’m going. You three can argue amongst yourselves, but trust me on one thing. Don’t chase her. Sadie is scared and she would rather hurt you than risk herself.”

“I don’t believe that,” Lando stated. “She risked herself for me once. She did it without thinking, she-”

“Lando, she was doing her job.” Max cut him off and he flinched at the harshness of his own voice. “I’m going. Don’t do anything stupid.”

And he hung up.

Then pulled up a contact he hadn’t touched since the beginning of November.

She answered faster than Lando had.

“He called you, didn’t he?” Sadie’s voice was a little distant and Max could hear the road noise. He knew her car had bluetooth and wasn’t concerned.

“Yeah,” Max sighed out the confirmation.

“Did you give him my number?”

The distrust stung.

“I swore that I wouldn’t. Kid, I haven’t even given it to Lewis.”

He heard Sadie sigh.

“Just checking,” she grumbled.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” A lie.

“Kid-“

“Max, I’m 21.”

“Don’t care. You keep lying to me and I’m gonna keep calling you kid.”

Kelly walked into the kitchen, still in her pyjamas despite the late morning. She immediately knew who he was talking to. She raised an eyebrow at him and poured herself a cup of coffee.

Max flicked the phone onto speaker.

“I’m fine, dumbass.”

“You’re not.” But he wouldn’t push, he’d learnt not to.

“I will be.” It was always the same answer, again and again.

“Alright well, check in with me like usual okay?”

Sadie muttered a confirmation but Max knew that she was debating a disappearing act.

“Sadie,” -he hoped using her name would connect with her heart, rather than her fear- “just the check in. You know you don’t have to do more.”

“I know that I don’t have to do anything,” she quipped. It wasn’t a snap, she’d never snapped at Max. “But okay, I’ll text you in December.”

“Thank you.”

“Have a good day, Max.”

Max rolled his eyes. Of course she had already worked out the timezones.

“Have a good night, kid.”

To be fair, he had too.

The call disconnected and Kelly placed her hand on Max’s. It was a silent reassurance that Max appreciated.

“Penelope will finish her TV time soon,” Kelly said as she kissed his cheek.

He snaked a hand around his girlfriend’s waist and drew her close.

“We should go out for lunch,” she added.

“Thank you,” Max said into her lips.

It was a grateful sentiment that held far too many layers for his tired mind.

——$——

December landed while Max was battling it out in Qatar. Oscar had taken Saturday's sprint, again, and fought hard during Sunday's race. The Dutchman had defended through the final four laps, fending off both Australians in cars that shouldn’t have been outperforming the Ferrari’s or Mercedes’.

But Oscar had pulled an impressive P2 for a second year in a row, and Daniel had been all smiles as he'd pulled his AlphaTauri into P3.

But as Max hauled himself out of his hotel bed on Monday morning, thoroughly hungover, he found a text from Sadie.

She'd set her own contact name in his phone.

Ego Crusher: All safe and okay here. I know that Qatar was this weekend, saw that you won. Congrats on another win. Congrats to Oscar for beating your slow ass in the sprint. He's good at keeping you on your toes.

Ego Crusher: I didn't tell you until now because I wanted you to focus on Qatar, but the trial started last Wednesday. Should finish Monday my time. I'll let you know what the result is. This is the last four.

Max hissed out a breath, both at his aching skull and her news. He checked his time in Qatar, 9:30am, and did the mental maths for Melbourne time. Sadie would just starting work, 5:30pm, if she had shifts during the trial.

The Crushed: Thanks for letting me know you're okay. I hope the trial is going well.

The Crushed: I know you said you don't want to leave Australia but if any of those dicks are acquitted I'm sending someone to get you.

He left his phone on the kitchen counter, poured himself a glass of water and contemplated his capacity for the energy of Daniel Ricciardo that day.

Max's phone chimed. He cursed at the sound's affect on his headache and flipped it over.

*new message from Ego Crusher*

So Sadie wasn't at work.

Ego Crusher: Yeah, yeah. You said that already. Tell Kelly I say hi and give P a hug for me when you next see her.

The Crushed: Will do.

The Crushed: Update me.

Ego Crusher: Will do :)

Max flicked his phone onto silent, texted an update to Kelly and went to put it back on the countertop. Before he let it go, it vibrated again.

*new message from Oscar Piastri*

He cursed in Dutch.

Oscar Piastri: I know you're in contact with Sadie. She told Lando and I about the trial back in Melbourne. We haven't heard from her and we're worried.

He swore again.

Max Verstappen: She'd kill me if she knew I told you.

Oscar Piastri: You just confirmed it but okay

Max Verstappen: If I said nothing Lando would try to find her again and then we'd all be worried.

Oscar Piastri: You're not wrong

Max Verstappen: She updated me overnight. Trial is still going but so far so good.

Max Verstappen: How long have you known?

Oscar Piastri: Figured it out after you hung up on Lando in Melbourne. You spoke about her like you knew her.

Oscar Piastri: And thank you.

Max finally set the phone down, sighed and cursed, again. His life had never been simple but he didn't know if it had ever been as complicated as it was since Sadie had appeared.

He had siblings. He had Victoria. He had quite a few of them amongst his father's numerous marriages. And he was familiar with the protectiveness that came with being an older brother, and essentially a step-dad.

But he wasn't quite sure how to protect someone who didn't want his protection. Or wasn't actually his sister.

----$----

I did promise some Sadie and Max. I didn't promise it was going to be sunshine and joy though.

@snubug @cmleitora @izzy-marvel @aquangxl

a few came up with “no blog found” so i hope they worked

#f1 #f1 fic #formula 1 #formula one #f1 imagine #lando norris #f1 x oc #f1 fanfic #get your shit together #max verstappen #oscar piastri

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ciaonicole85 · 23 days

Text

ESCAPING INTO A SHIP

So what exactly made me latch onto the Sydcarmy ship like a leech on a water buffalo?

It was unexpected (for me)! Yes, the very first meeting between Syd and Carm did make an impact. I thought "Oooh, what's this?!" However, Carmy was/is such a mess that I quickly dismissed it. And Sydney just seemed to want his professional approval and a partner in making something great after the soul-crushing failure of Sheridan. So, the first season I personally didn't feel a mutual sexual/romantic tension, more like an automatic respect and shared goals/passions. Sydney nor Carm were obviously trying to flirt. Most slow burns on TV are 100% obvious like a Jeanine and Gregory (Abbott Elementary), Nick and Jess (New Girl), Jake and Amy (Brooklyn 99), Jim and Pam (The Office)...Until Braciole Ep. 8 that is.

S. 1 Episode 8- I won't get into everything but Carmy was desolate. Yes, he became a psycho chef and two people quit in Ep.7. However, he mourned Sydney more than Marcus. She was in his flashback/nightmare (?), then the way he told Tina that she looked like Syd (the poor pup), him texting her before opening the note from Mikey, and finally the most gorgeous locked gaze scene since Pride and Prejudice (2005). The soft lighting, the music, the colors, the mind-reading...magical. I still didn't get it initially. Silly, blind me.

Mentorship where??? Season 2 Carm and Syd's "mentorship" dynamic is pretty much over. They are true partners and spending more time together. They're dressing alike even when not in uniform, finishing each other's sentences or talking in unison. Sydney is opening up more of herself and Carm is asking to know more. They use the ASL sign for sorry with each other and no one else until ep 10. Then there's that locker scene in ep. 1 or 2, when they almost hang out just cause. However, Carmy misses the moment and there's the return of the kicked pup face. Before being on the ship I was delighted with all of their scenes and was looking forward to the food tour. They just ROCK together on screen.

Classic Love Triangle- Who's Claire? She's "Claire Bear", the prototypical "cool girl", who is willing to chase an socially awkward, wrong-number-giving man, despite being a pretty ER resident with no shortage of options. Did a CW writer get hired? Anyways, why was her presence used almost exclusively to put strain on Carmy and Sydney's relationship instead of The Bear generally? We could have had scenes with Nat, Richie, and Marcus arguing with Carmy about him being distracted due to Claire. They saved 99% of that for Sydney. They CHOSE to insert her in between or just after scenes with him and Claire. Showing Sydney's tattoos and her getting dressed with the stained chef's coat juxtaposed with them was WILD.

I LOVE that both believe their interpersonal problems are solely about The Bear/business partnership. In most "slowburns" the characters are far more conscious and actively work to keep things platonic. Jeremy might be a smidge aware that Sydney means more to him after the panic attack, but I bet he's shoved it down. All he knows afterward is that being with Claire feels wrong hence ignoring her call and recommitting to SYDNEY. He could of said "You all/This/The Bear deserve my full focus etc..." He was also nagged into greeting Claire at Friends and Family, seemed anxious when Fak brought her up right before The Table scene, and also while explaining that "she's great" to Sydney. He was at peace when focused on Sydney in the moment below.

The actors: Jeremy and Ayo's real life friendship is warms my soul and their chemistry onscreen is amazing. DON'T WASTE IT!!!

Jeremy smolders on screen. I want to see Carmy continue to stare, yearn, fall, then eventually confess and for Sydney to reciprocate his feelings. Anyhoo, does anyone else melt when Carm means business?! They do this twice in season one and it's not good for me. Whew, I need to clean my whole house or run a few miles.

Finally, there's so many other parallels between these two. They are fearful avoidants, have a missing or dead parent, jacked up stomachs, use sarcasm, but are generally very earnest, they struggle with anxiety, are compassionate, are perfectionists, peace-makers, give people multiple chances, are workaholics...so much more. A lot of that is also ME, lol.

Sydcarmy is my Roman Empire. I love them as much as you can fictional characters and they deserve the most tender, angsty, triumphant, romantic best-friends to more love story.

#get the straight jacket #I gotta clean my house now #the bear #sydcarmy #sydney x carmy #carmy x sydney #sydney adamu #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #syd adamu #friends to lovers #slow burn #love story #word vomit #thoughts #roman empire

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lanadelnegan · 8 months

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My Past, My Future - Part 2

Negan x Reader x Daryl (love triangle)

Read part one here

Read part 3 here

Warnings: angst (I hurt my own feelings while writing this, ouch), short and not-so-sweet chapter, love triangle, no smut in this part but maybe in part 3!

Are you guys #TeamNegan or #TeamDaryl ?!

"Hey, Carol. You seen Daryl?" You ask, jumping off your porch steps.

Carol nods towards the church and you're sure she's upset with you and probably just as confused as everyone else. But there's only one person you care about making amends with right now, so you head towards the church to see him.

You enter to find Daryl sitting in a pew three rows from the back, leaning his head against the bench in front of him. You clear your throat as you approach him, making him sit up.

"I know you're upset with me." You begin as you sit next to him. "I didn't mean for this to happen, with Negan.. it jus-"

"How?" He cuts you off, looking to you and your heart breaks seeing the puffiness around his saddened eyes.

"I don't - I dunno. It just kinda happened. He's changed, Daryl. I wish you could see that."

Daryl chuckles sarcastically. "You think he's changed? Wow." He shakes his head. "Don't even know you."

"Daryl.. don't say that." You reach for his hand but he pulls his away, standing up quickly.

You try calling out for him but he's already gone, shoving the church doors open as he leaves you. You rush after him as he heads for the front gates.

"Daryl!" You call after him, trying not to cause a bigger scene that you already have. "Where the hell are you going? It's dark. You can't go out there." You whisper yell, pacing after him.

He ignores you as the gates open for him and he leaves without another word. You stop and watch the gates close until he's out of your sight.

You turn around defeatedly, instantly meeting Carol's glare as she stops pulling the weeds near the garden by your house. She walks up to you, brushing her hands off and smiling sympathetically.

"I didn't know he'd be this upset." You admit to her as you both stare at the closed gate.

"Y/n, there's something you should know." Carol says, crossing her arms next to you. "When the Saviors showed up, Daryl offered to go with Negan back to the sanctuary."

Your brows scrunch with confusion as you look to her. "What do you mean he offered?"

"Negan wanted you." She continues. "He was going to take you back instead.. force you to become one of his wives. Daryl begged him not to take you. He told Negan how much he cared for you, and the only way Negan agreed to let you stay was if he could take Daryl instead."

Your eyes widen with tears at Carol's words as she continues.

"Negan told him... if I can't have her, neither can you."

Your heart aches in your chest at the realization. You know Carol wouldn't lie to you... but you wish she was.

"Wh- why didn't Daryl tell me? Why didn't he say anything?!"

"He didn't want you to feel guilty for him going and not you."

Your mind races, flustered and confused. "I - I need to talk to him. I gotta go find him." You turn to run towards the gate but the sight of Negan standing on your porch a few feet away stops you.

"Negan.."

He smiles sadly, and the look on his face tells you that he just heard everything.

You walk up to him hesitantly, standing on the step below him as you look up into his eyes, searching for the man you fell in love with. "Is it true? Is that why you took Daryl back with you?"

He looks down between the two of you, biting his bottom lip with regret and wordlessly answering you.

You nod disappointedly as a tear falls from your cheek.

"I need to go find Daryl." You choke out, not able to look at him. You grab your backpack off the porch, slinging it over your shoulder as you walk past Negan.

"Baby, wait. Please." He pleads, walking after you. "I'm not letting you leave. It's fuckin' dark, it's dangerous."

You ignore him as you continue walking quickly.

"So that's it then?!" He stops chasing you, calling after you angrily instead. "You're choosing him?!"

You stop but don't turn around, staring at the ground in front of you.

You love Negan. You meant it when you said it. You understand him in a way no one else does. You'd do anything in the world for him.

But Daryl sacrificed himself for you. Suffered and went through hell just so you wouldn't have to. He's been there with you since the beginning, saving you more times that you can count. He showed his love for you time after time.

You put Negan's needs before your own, bringing him what he needed.. Giving him what he wanted. Being there for him when he needed you.

But Daryl put you first every time.. Holding you when you cried. Being there for you through the highs and lows. Saving you every time you needed saving.

"Don't come looking for me." Is all you say to Negan without turning around. You eventually reach the gates, heading off into the night to find him.

Daryl chose you every time... It's your turn to choose him.

Part 3

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corriganatheart · 1 year

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if he was MINE final/ João Félix x reader x Kylian Mbappé

Synopsis: Your best friend just got out of a toxic relationship and wants to date you.

Pairings: João Felix x fem!reader x Mbappé

Genre: Love triangle

Breaking News: Breaking news: Kylian Mbappé and Y/N officially call it quits after only a few weeks of dating. Many fans were suspicious of their relationship and suspected they were only short-term. Mbappé is now only focusing on his career and has no interest in starting a new relationship, whereas Y/N has reconciled her friendship with João Félix, and many fans think that might be the reason for the breakup.

1 months and 5 days later

“You good, bro?” Neymar asked, causing his teammate to shut his phone immediately. Even though Neymar pretended he didn’t see the screen, he did. Mbappé was staring at the picture of you wearing his uniform months ago, and even though it was unhealthy, he always found himself reaching for you when he needed motivation.

“Look, I’m not one to get into people’s business, but you don’t deserve this,” Neymar says as he squeezes his friend’s shoulder. “She made her choice, and it’s time to make yours.” Mbappé buried his face in his hands and groaned. “I’ll be fine, thanks.”

It has been over a month since you left him on the balcony without answers. He was disappointed, of course, but more disappointed in you than anything. You could’ve had your chance of freedom from João, but instead, you went back to the same place. "Ayo! it's time!" Hakimi barges in and shouts. Mbappé softly smiles and follows his teammates out of the locker room. Neymar and Hakimi glance at one another before patting their friend on the back.

The Golden Boy: You up for a late night walk?

Y/N: ...... dude its midnight. Why are you still up?

The Golden Boy: can't sleep, I keep thinking about u. ��

Y/N: well arent you a smooth talker?

The Golden Boy: I’m on my way to ur place.

Y/N: don’t you have an early interview tmr?

The Golden Boy: IDC I want to see you for a bit🥺

Y/N: FINE!

After hearing a beep outside, you grab your jacket and rush down from your apartment. You and João had reconciled your friendship almost immediately after you flew back from France. He apologized and expressed how much he appreciated you. And since he was your best friend of several years, you couldn’t just ignore him forever, so you forgive him. You didn’t expect anything different from him besides friendship, but João has made it obvious that he wanted to further your relationship. And as promised, he has not been in contact with Magui and has been doing fine. But lately, everyone has been on your case for dumping Mbappé to be friends with João again. All his fans have criticized you and have made up numerous rumors, but you were ok with taking the heat because you got him involved in shit he shouldn’t have been in. If things were any different, you would’ve continued your friendship with Mbappé, but that would only complicate things. You guys were bound to be short-term, and the time has expired.

“Took you long enough,” João sarcastically says as soon as you get into his car. “I thought we were going on a walk?” You asked. João playfully rolls his eyes, “and be chased by creeps? Noway.” You chuckled and put on your seatbelt as he drove off. It has become customary for João to spend time with you after practice or after a long day of interviews. He has been trying to prove that he can make time for you and that you guys could be more than just friends. If this were before the scandal, you would’ve said yes within a heartbeat, but this was too early, and you aren’t sure if this was a good scenario. For all people know, you’re a villain for breaking Kylian Mbappé’s heart, and you’re sure people suspect that you’re the reason João and Magui broke up too. It was too early to jump into a new relationship, especially one you aren’t sure about.

“How was work today?” You asked. João shrugs, obviously not wanting to talk about the fact that he was asked about you during one of his interviews. Everyone was dying to know the gossip, but he didn’t want to put you in an awkward position. “Did you get to do anything fun?” You asked. João pretends to think, and then he grins, “yeah, actually, Kai was having a hungover during his interview, so that was interesting to watch.” You laughed and can only imagine the team dying from laughter because of Kai. “What about you?” He asked. “Did you do anything fun at home?” Your smile fades, and you look out of the window. You switched your job electronically after the news that you and Mbappé were over. It turns out, people can get through you in many ways, including harassing you at work and via emails.

“You know I’ll do anything to help you, right?” João asked while placing his hands on yours while the other steered the wheel. “Yes, and I’m thankful for that,” you mumbled. João smiles and pulls up to an empty parking lot of a park with a city and river view. “Remember the time when we used to play in the river like it was a pool? We were drowning ourselves in people’s shit,” he said while laughing. You groan, not wanting to remember that part of your childhood. “That’s so grosssss!” João turns his body, so he can face you as you do the same and lay the side of your head on the leather seat. “I like this,” he whispers. “Just us two with no one against us.” You smile and nod your head.

“I miss us,” you said. “We used to be drama free, but now look at us.” João places his hands on yours and rubs his thumb on your knuckles as he closes his eyes. “Close your eyes. I want to tell you something,” he mumbles. You do as he says and closes your eyes. “This is how I picture our future. You and me living in a big house in a field with gardens and flowers. We would have two boys while you’re pregnant with a girl. I would teach the boys how to play soccer as you watch us from a swing, with a book in your hand. By then, Portugal would at least win 1 World Cup, and I might be close to retirement. Our family would forever grow, and we would have two more kids until we decided that was enough. There would be no drama, just you, me, and our kids. Forever.”

You smile, liking the image popping into your head, but as you imagine your husband, your heart stops. The image of Mbappé smiling at you on the balcony pops up, completely erasing João from the picture. You immediately open your eyes and stare at João, who still has his eyes closed and smiling sweetly. “Wouldn’t that be perfect, Y/N?” He asked. You didn’t respond because you were lost for words. João is definitely your dream boy, but your heart was confusing you by remembering how Mbappé made you feel. You’ve known him briefly, but he was so sweet and everything you wanted a boyfriend to be. But he was too good for you and deserved someone that knows their feelings, and you couldn’t give him that.

“Has Hakimi contacted you?” João asked while tucking your hair behind your ears, and once again, you remembered how Mbappé tucked your hair. “I played his best friend. There’s no way he could forgive me,” you said sadly. João looks at you guiltily before he kisses your forehead. “He’ll come around, don’t worry.” You smile and nod, liking the way João is giving you attention. "Still, I can't imagine how awkward it is for him. He was basically the one that set us up. You know Hakimi has been my friend for a long time too, and his wife is a dear friend of mine also. They both love Mbappe and me, and I feel guilty doing this to him. If anything, Mbappe deserves better than me because he was such a sweetheart and gentleman. I do feel really bad for bringing him into this mess and-" you stop talking after realizing how uncomfortable this must be for João. He seems to also hate the idea of you feeling guilty or any sort of feelings for Mbappe. His ultimate goal is to have you by his side forever, but it was difficult because you won't let go of the two weeks' worth of fling. "Do you still like him?" João asked while staring at you intensely. You didn't answer immediately, so he was uncomfortable shifting in his seat and looking ahead of him. "I have been with you since we were a child Y/N. He's been with you for weeks. Think about it before you do anything risky."

News: PSG loses 3-0 to Bayern, even though they have top players in the team. Fans also noticed that PSG captain Kylian Mbappé was off during the game and wasn't thinking straight. Mbappé, who had proven many times that he could score several goals during the game, seemed unmotivated and showed a lack of spirit. This might also come with the fact that a month ago, he and his ex-girlfriend Y/N L/N called it quit and were under the heat for several weeks. Many fans hope the team gets it together and wins their next game against Chelsea.

Hakimi: Fix him.

Y/N: huh?

Hakimi: I said fix him.

Y/N: u are going to have to be more specific than that.

Hakimi: Kylian. He hasn't been the same since you deliberately dump him like trash.

Y/N: We were never together, so how can I dump him like trash?

Hakimi: Why did I ever think you were smart?

Y/N: 🖕🏼

Hakimi: just talk to him pls. He hasn’t been the same since y’all left ur fake relationship. I think you broke his pride and heart.

Y/N: wow u actually have a heart.

Hakimi: u ass my heart is more pure than urs for sure

Y/N: fine I’ll talk to him. But don’t expect anything else.

Hakimi: got it😏

“If we play like how we played last week, we’re fucked. So let’s get it together,” Hakimi says, mainly staring at Mbappé. He was a bit nervous for his friend because you’re in the crowd, and the opponent was Chelsea. They’ve been preparing daily to ensure they win the match, and Mbappé especially wanted to take the win. But right now, he is a bit concerned because his friend is too quiet. “We win and move on to the next match. Opponents are opponents,” Messi said casually, not understanding the love triangle between you, João, and Mbappé. “And control your emotions. We don’t need any of us to get a red,” Neymar warns while looking at Mbappé. “Speak for yourself, asshole,” Hakimi growls, causing Neymar to laugh. “Hey! I’ll score before you even know!”

“Fuck!” Neymar groans as he stares at the red card in his face. The referee decided he had had enough of the constant argument between Mason Mount and Neymar, so they both were given a red. “Not even one goal,” Hakimi shakes his head as the Brazilian player walks past him. He then looks over at Mbappé, who was awkwardly looking around the stadium, noticing the way people were whispering and taking videos of him. Mbappé had spotted you when they lined up, and for some obvious reasons, he was happy that you weren’t sporting João Félix’s shirt. He was also impressed that you felt confident enough to show yourself in public instead of hiding in the VIP lounge. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” Sergio Ramos whispers in Mbappé's ears, causing the captain to smirk. “Sexy as hell. She needs to know that.” Sergio Ramos laughs and pats Mbappé on the back, “Kylian, you need to get that girl. Just tell her how you feel. You never know.”

Your heart races from the intense game displayed in front of you. Both teams did not want to give up, and it was one goal after another. Kylian Mbappé had scored a hat trick already, whereas João Félix scored two goals. You swear this game gets as many views as the World Cup because everyone wanted to watch the drama. A couple of PSG fans had already tried to get a reaction out of you but but you wore a sun glasses and stay very stern. Hakimi’s wife also tried not to show any type of reaction, but the other players wives and girlfriends were very invested.

“Are you going to talk to him after the game?” Hiba asked while staring at your emotionless face. “Hakimi requested I do, but we’ll see how the game goes,” you shrugged. Hiba gives you a wary look before she turns her focus back to the game. You’re sure she’s judging you; everyone that knows the whole story is judging you. To choose a guy that repeatedly disrespected himself is absurd, but no one knows how it feels. You can’t just abandon a long term friendship for a brief fake romance….not without some reassurance.

João glares at the other team as they hug one another and do their celebration dance. He did not miss the smirk that some PSG players threw at him. Kai and Mason go up to him, both swinging their arms around his shoulders, comforting their teammates. “We lost by one. One fucking goal,” Kai murmurs. João clenches his jaw as he sees Mbappé throws a glance at you, and what makes things worse is you’re looking at him too. “If I lose, I will look like a fool again. I’m going to make sure she’s mine by tonight.”

The Golden Boy: Where are you we need to talk?

Y/N: I’m with Hiba and her kids. We are waiting on Hakimi.

The Golden Boy: it’s important. I need to see u now.

Y/N: What is it? I promised Hakimi I would spend time with them….

The Golden Boy: I’ll come to u.

You look around the VIP lounge, wondering if João knew you’re supposed to have a conversation with Mbappé. He was your best friend, but you don’t owe him an explanation. You left things unanswered with Mbappé, and you’ll regret it one day if you don’t speak your mind.

“Hey, you good?” Hakimi asked when he saw how nervous you were. You just shrugged because you weren’t sure yourself. He was leading you to the private room where Mbappé is. Apparently, Mbappé is supposed to fly out to another country for work, and he’ll be busy for a while, so this was your only chance. “You know you’re supposed to follow what your gut tells you, right?” Hakimi asked when he stopped in front of a secluded area. “Yes, Achraf, thank you,” you said and hugged him. He returns the hug, whispering that everything will be ok.

Your phone rings as soon as you enter the room. Mbappé was already seated, his duffel bag next to him as he scrolled through his phone. He glanced at your phone and the back to your face. “Félix?” He says, already knowing who was trying to take you away. “Yeah,” you mumbled. Mbappé waits for you to pick up the phone, but to his surprise, you turn it off.

You chew on your lower lips as you wait for him to do something, anything, to get rid of the tension. He wasn’t making things easier as he stared at you with an emotionless eye. Your eyes wander to the little bar on the right side of the room, filled and untouched. As you take in your surrounding, Mbappé stands up and make his way toward you. You gulped, stepping a couple of steps back, and in no time, your back hit the wall, and Mbappé was standing a couple of inches from you. He was a lot taller than you and more prominent, and you aren’t sure if you were turned on by the way he was hatefully looking at you. “Say something,” you whispered, wanting to eliminate the strange tension. Mbappé continues to stare you down, his fingertips tracing your curves. “I should hate you. I should ruin you and never feel sorry. I should make you beg for my attention, for my touch, but I missed you too much,” he said, his French accent stronger than usual. “And I’m going to fucking regret doing this, but just remember you were the one that came to me,” he growls, and the next thing you know, his lips are on yours.

It took you nearly a minute to realize that Mbappé was kissing you, and it wasn’t an innocent kiss; it was a passionate kiss. Your heart started beating fast, but your body was reacting to him, and you were fully aware that your arms looped around his neck, bringing him closer. “I should’ve just done this, so you didn’t have to leave me,” he groans. You moan in return, and Mbappé takes that as a cue to kiss your neck. “tu me tue,” he whispers as he kisses your neck, and you don’t have the energy to ask what he is saying. “Kylian,” you whisper when you realize this is getting slightly out of hand. “I know, bébé, I know…” he groans and lays his head on your shoulder, trying to control himself.

After calming down, the both of you sat down, and you glanced at his bag. “I don’t have much time. I got a flight to catch,” he says. You softly smile and look into his eyes; they are still the same. “Hakimi said you are going to be busy for the next couple of months,” you said. Mbappé nodded, smiling lazily as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ears. “Yeah. A lot of offers and interviews and a lot of traveling.” You nod and wait for him to continue, but he waits for you to speak. You sighed, ready to talk about the situation. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, and he smiled. “It’s ok.” You shake your head, “no, it’s not. I acted selfishly and left you with no answer, no closure. Even though we were pretending, we were still friends. I shouldn’t have ditched you like that. Gosh, I felt so bad; Kylian and I have regretted it ever since.” Mbappé glances at an empty wall before he looks back at you, wondering what he should say. “Is that what you see us? Friends?” He asked. You shyly look away and shake your head. “I like you. I concluded after seeing you today and realizing how much I missed you. But I still have unsolved problems that I need to work out.”

Mbappé smiles, his eyes holding hope and a future. He likes you, and you want to know when that all started, but that was a different story. Maybe one day, he’ll share it with you. “Is three months enough?” He asked, and you realize he means that’s how long it’ll take for him to settle back to a regular schedule finally. “Will you still have the same feeling?” You asked because three months is more extended than people think. “I should be the one asking that,” he says, causing you to stare down at your hands. You weren’t going to make promises you can’t make because João is still around. Mbappé can see your unwary eyes, and he tilts your chin so you can look at him. “How about I text you in three months, maybe five days and 2 hours? You still own me the rest of the movie night” He jokes, and you chuckle. “That sounds very specific,” you said, causing him to laugh. “What can I say? I’m very persistent,” he winks.

After talking, Mbappé had to leave to catch his flight, and although he secretly suggested you go with him, you knew you couldn’t run away from your problems. João also needed answers, and you were finally ready to give them to him. “Where have you been?” João asked as soon as you walked into the apartment. He was frustrated with you and annoyed that you turned off your phone. “I was catching up with friends,” you mumbled and placed your bag on the kitchen counter. You look at the dining table that has candles and food laid out. João rented an apartment for you to stay and he had to choose the most expensive one to impress you. “Who are the friends?” He glared at you while asking. You narrow your eyes, annoyed by the way his tone sounded. “That’s none of your business,” you spat, causing him to clench his jaws. He then looks at your neck, and his eyes shift from anger to disgust. “Who the fuck give you a hickey?” He demanded as he moved closer to you. Your eyes widen, and you touch your neck. João grabbed hold of your arm and stared down at the hickey. “You fucked someone” He accused without hesitation. This causes you to frustratedly pull your arms away, “what is wrong with you?” You asked. João ignores your question and walks to the dining table. He then swings his hands across the table, causing plates, vases, flowers, and everything to shatter on the floor. “I’m losing you! Why am I losing you!” He yells. This causes you to step backward, nearly tripping on your way. “You said you were in love with me, Y/N! What happened now? Why do I keep losing!”

You stand there, surprised, annoyed, confused, and angry at the sight before you. João is emotionally not stable right now, and you know there is much more than what he is saying. “João you…what are you saying?” You asked while moving closer to his sulking form. He was now on the ground, his hands bleeding as he cried. “First Magui and now you. I keep losing the people I love to others.” Your heart breaks for him as you rush towards his side and pull him into a hug, ignoring the sting on your knees due to the glass pieces. “You’re going to be fine,” you whispered, soothing him. “I can’t fucking lose you, too,” he mumbles. “Gosh, I loved her so much.” And for the first time, your heart didn’t shatter at the mention of João loving someone else; you’re just here as his best friend, comforting him through the pain. João was still moving on, and you would be the key, but now you realize he was still in pain, still insecure. And you were here as a best friend, not someone with a crush on him. “Y/N, please stay by my side forever. I can’t lose you too.” You smiled because you finally knew what needed to be done, and even though it would break your heart, it had to be done.

1 month later

Breaking News: Portugal and Chelsea player João Félix is spotted on a date with his on-and-off girlfriend, Magui Corceiro. This happens only a month after he and his former best friend Y/N L/N unfollow one another, and him confirming that they’re no longer friends, and it’s a mutual decision. Y/N, on the other hand, decided to go private on her social media and has been staying quiet. Many fans are disappointed in Felix’s decision to return to Magui, but many think this has to happen so Y/N can finally leave the friendship. As for Y/N’s former fling, Kylian Mbappé, many fans hope there is a reconciliation because they still follow one another.

3 months, 5 days, and 2 hours later

Kylian: Hey bébé, wanna finish up that movie? ✈️🇫🇷

Y/N: ……..pick me up ❤️

The End

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