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ketterdamskaelishprince · 1 month

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lenore and the yellow wallpaper (a ramble)

so this is all one entire big and large ramble session from me, so ignore if you want because this has no actual point, and i also haven't touched the yellow wallpaper since i handed it in with my coursework so i'm bound to get things wrong. this is no high-brow analysis, this is just be rambling. i've finally gotten the courage as well to go on the big scary tumblr and speak so be nice please :)

anyways, now we have that out of the way– i bring you my observation.

so i've been rereading nevermore (because i am deep in the trenches of my hyperfixation on it right now and have firmly planted myself there) and i noticed something in episode 21 that i remember noticing the first time.

just for a recap, episode 21 is when they're facing the dementophobia trial, and lenore has gotten herself sucked into a hallucination. through this, we (presumably along with her) are shown parts of her past, and the fallout of her brother dying. in a long scene, we basically see the attic which lenore is forced to 'rest' in.

sorry if this is like an obvious tell, but my little rat brain was vibrating out of my seat to say this.

well, first off, let me just give you a little summary of the yellow wallpaper. we have this nameless woman (who's married) who's also our narrator, her husband: john who's a doctor and we also have john's sister: jennie. jennie isn't too important in the summary but she exists and stuff and there's loads of journals out there probably that could tell you super interesting things about her role in the story.

anyways, i digress. the narrator has been diagnosed with slight nervous tendencies and is given the rest cure therapy as treatment. she ends up slowly going insane in the attic (?) which doubles as a nursery, and there's this fugly yellow wallpaper, which the narrator comments to be basically like a crime to art and to colour in general. anyways, the more she stares at this wallpaper and the longer she stays in the attic, she starts to see a woman behind the wallpaper– and the short story ends with her ripping the wallpaper off and freeing the woman but then also, the story ends essentially with her throwing herself out of the window of the attic and yeah, suicide. there's like allusions to the woman behind the wallpaper and her being one at the end, but WE AREN'T FOCUSSING ON THAT, i've rambled enough.

anyways, how does this all link to nevermore?

THIS PANEL RIGHT HERE.

idk, the act of ripping off the wallpaper just distinctly reminded me of the yellow wallpaper, and i have no idea if the creators drew inspo from the yellow wallpaper for this or if it was one of poe's works (i'm not heavily versed in all of his works, but i have a collection of his stuff i should probably sift through and read). but yeah, thought it was cute.

i know thematically they probably vary, but there is something to be said that both of them are in a situation where society wants so badly to silence them and punishes their defiance with the diagnosis 'madness'.

i dunno, just a nice little thought. there's also the whole rest cure therapy too, and the fact that they're both in the attics of their homes– and i presume lenore is in a secluded countryside place here like the narrator of the yellow wallpaper is. so, you know– other connections!

also, as a side note–

this bad boy right here? ether? well some ether smells sweet, so i thought maybe (as a very dumb end to this ramble) that maybe, lenore associates the sweet smelling scent of what she used to be knocked out with to the sweet scent of flowers– i have no idea if that's why she hates flowers but i thought that was a fun little mention. food for thought, you know?

anyways, if you disagree that is totally ok, i truly don't know what i'm talking about half the time, but this has been bouncing on my tiny brain for the past few days and i decided i needed to let it out before i start plaguing the people i know in real life with my obsession. and also, friends, feel free to correct me if i'm disgustingly wrong on anything– i love to learn <3

and... yeah, that's all folks. gonna go rot now :)

#nevermore webtoon #lenore nevermore #nevermore webcomic #lenore vandernacht #lenore is so mad woman luv her very much #the yellow wallpaper enthusiasts forgive me if i sinned with this one #nevermore #i love my little psycho sapphic comic i read every friday !

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angelsmist · 1 year

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HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

HBCU!SHURI X READER

prompt: shuri invited you to wakanda for the holidays, and you can’t help but feel homesick

warnings: cursing

note: IKK this is like two days after christmas but i’m posting it anyways LMFAOOO hopefully i’ll get part two out later today, if not then tmrw

this is not proofread so idk

“so, what are your plans for the break?” your classmate, natalie, asked, trying to make conversation

you frowned at her question. although shuri had never hinted at it, you truly did hope she would ask you to visit wakanda with her. you knew she wouldn’t do that, but a part of you wished she would.

the night syniah’s friends ditched you was a night that remained in your mind. although you couldn’t remember too much from it, shuri filled in the blanks for you. and waking up to tea and breakfast made you finally confront the feelings you had been trying to hide.

the feelings that made your stomach churn whenever shuri smiled at you, or the electricity you’d feel shoot throughout your body whenever you two made physical contact. you were falling for the princess, to simply put it.

you were an overthinker, so when you started to wonder if shuri could feel the same, you shut the whole idea down in fears of ruining the entire friendship with your thoughts.

tati told you about the phone call she exchanged with shuri the night she took you to her dorm, which got into your head for a while. tati had you seriously convinced that shuri felt the connection between you two as well.

you thought you were being delusional, though.

“i dunno,” you replied to the girl after some time. today was the last day before you were officially free, so most of your class was free. shuri didn’t come to class, and you assumed it was because she was packing. “probably visit family.”

“oh. i though you was going with the princess to wakanda, or sum.”

your eyebrows furrowed in response. “uhh…why would you think that?”

“everybody thinks y’all go together,” natalie informed, tapping her newly done nails on the table.

this was news to you. you thought it was just syniah’s ex friends who saw it that way. “really?”

“yeah,” she confirmed as if it were obvious. “that girl don’t really be hanging around nobody but you.”

“that’s not true.” you shook your head.

“i mean, yeah. she’s in groups sometimes, but she’s only ever been alone with you. at least, that’s what i see. don’t mind my nosy ass, though.”

natalie’s last sentence made you crack a smile. but, her words really did leave you wondering.

as if on cue, your phone began to vibrate rapidly. you pulled it out of your purse before someone could start a fuss about it, but you were a bit surprised to see shuri calling you. especially when she could’ve just come to class to ask you.

clearly, you weren’t going to answer it in the middle of class, so you excused yourself and stepped outside.

“hey, shuri. where have you been?”

“i’ve been packing. hey, (name), could you come by my dorm later? i need your help with something.”

shrugging off her vague reply, you spoke. “umm, sure. do you know how long it’ll take? i’m gonna have to start packing, too.”

“it won’t take long. hopefully.”

“okay,” you giggled breathily. “i’ll swing by after class, which, by the way, you should be in.”

“you know a princess always has her duties.”

shuri was pacing.

she had been for the past thirty minutes after you ended the call. she was extremely nervous.

she planned to ask you to go with her to wakanda. she wanted you to to as her girlfriend, but she felt that it would be pressure on you, which was the last thing she wanted to do.

a knock on her dorm made her jump, but stop going back and forth at once. after a quick glance in the mirror to make sure she was presentable, she twisted the knob and plastered a smile on her face.

the fake grin became real when she met your eyes and saw the beam that shone brightly on your face. you entered her dorm when she opened it even more, signaling that she wanted you to come in.

“hey, what’s up?” you greeted, walking past her to plop down on her bed as if were your own. “you said needed help with sum?”

the princess intertwined her fingers, evidently nervous, although you couldn’t see it due to the fact that you were working out your own nerves whenever you two made eye contact.

“yes, i do. but i need to ask you something first.”

you raised an eyebrow, remaining silent but egging shuri on too continue.

“you remember when you told me about your family wanting you to come with me to wakanda?”

you could’ve sworn that oxygen stopped going into your body the second you heard shuri’s words. “yeah, but, don’t worry about it. they’ll be upset, but they’ll get over it.”

“what if i told you i wanted you to come with me?” shuri would’ve stuck with that question, if it weren’t for her reading too much info your facials. “just for the sake of your family.”

you swallowed thickly. “well, um, if that were the case, i’d say yes.”

“well, then this is me asking you to come to wakanda with me. i understand if you wanna say no, since we don’t celebrate christmas-”

“no!” you interrupted her quickly. “i mean, i don’t mind at all. i’ve always wanted to see wakanda, so…”

naturally, you were nervous. after all, you were just a friend of shuri’s, and her taking you to such a private nation was a major deal. and for her to offer to fly you there as her plus one was a major deal to you. even if she said she was doing it for the sake of your family.

“good!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “you should start packing now, since we leave tomorrow.”

“hol on, what?”

“shit.” was all you could say as you took in the aircraft.

when you told you family that you couldn’t make it for christmas, they immediately knew why, and began to swarm you with demands and questions. you hung up, of course.

since you boarded the talon, the dora milaje hadn’t taken their eyes off you. of course, you couldn’t blame them, as you were a stranger, but, it didn’t exactly ease your nerves.

all they knew was that you had to have been special for shuri to invite you to wakanda so easily. maybe that’s why not a single one of them bought the act of you two being just friends.

shuri stood up from her seat next to you, noticing your uncomfortable manner. she walked over to the general, who was near the pilot of the talon, but she faced you. shuri stopped once she could get a clear view of where the pilot was going, and while she faced forwards, okoye faced backwards. “okoye, why so hostile? all of you have been eyeing her since she got on here.”

“i apologize, your majesty. but, you cannot expect us to remain unsuspicious.”

“she is not a threat,” shuri defended.”

“oh, i know,” okoye stated, a scoff releasing from her lips. “but she is not just a friend, either.”

“what are you suggesting, general?”

“you know what i’m suggesting, princess.”

with an annoyed sigh, shuri moved away from the doja milaje leader and back to the seat next to you.

to avoid tension, you cracked a joke. “so, do they approve?”

it took her a minute to understand your joke, but once she did, she offered a smile. “they’re a bit skeptical, but this is them being nice.”

“i’d hate to get on their bad side,” you joked once again.

“we are almost there,” one of the dora milaje you were told was named ayo announced. confusion washed over your features as you rose from your seat.

you walked to the front of the aircraft, looking at where you were headed.

it was just trees.

“i don’t understand,” you expressed your concern, turning to shuri for an explanation.

she wore a knowing smile, glancing at you momentarily. “i love this part.”

the ship was heading straight for the trees at full speed. you tried your best to trust shuri, but there was no sign of a thing for miles are your heart was already racing like you were running a marathon.

you instinctively gripped on shuri’s black coat to keep yourself from passing out.

just as you braved yourself for impact, the forest suddenly disappeared. you were rendered speechless as a large, beautiful, nation took its place. you released a breath that you unconsciously had been holding in for at least a minute.

once the panic had settled, you let the nation of wakanda sink in. it was…perfect.

as the talon zooms at full speed you get a clearer view of the city. there are trains surrounding towering skyscrapers that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

you let go of shuri’s jacket, not letting your eyes drift from the magnificent place once. “well, i see why y’all like to keep your country private.”

it’s when the jet finally comes to a stop that you officially realize where you are. not only that, but you also realize you are seconds away from meeting the queen.

“shuri.” you turned away from the view and to the princess who seemed to already be looking at you. “am i supposed to, like, bow to the queen, or…?”

“no, don’t bow,” she answered, although you weren’t sure if you entirely believed her since she was grinning from ear to ear.

one of the doras switched a lever, which opened the exit ramp and lowered it onto the ground.

despite it being below zero in atlanta, wakanda seemed to be the opposite. it isn’t too hot, but it certainly isn’t freezing cold.

the first thing you noticed as you step off the ship alongside shuri is how different the air is.

it was much purer, and felt a whole lot fresher. the next thing you noticed were the dora milaje lined up on both sides of the talon. as shuri came out of it, they did a salute that you weren’t familiar with. shuri acknowledged them, offering a polite nod.

you could see the queen open her hands so she could engulf her daughter in an affectionate embrace. their hug was filled with warmth that anybody could feel for miles.

the queen definitely got lonely occasionally since she had nobody in the family since shuri had gone off to college. the queen exhaled as she held onto her child tightly. “oh, how i’ve missed you, shuri.”

you couldn’t see shuri’s face, but you just knew her expression had to have mirrored her mother’s. “i have missed you, too, mother.”

once the hug was broken, shuri turned to you, grabbing your wrist to bring you closer so you stood in front of the queen. “mother, this is my friend, (name). this was the one i told you about.”

the queen had a suggestive look on her face. “ah, this friend. it’s lovely to meet you, (name).”

you wanted to be as respectful as possible. the last thing you wanted to do was offend the queen within the two minutes of you being there. “and it is an absolute honor to meet you, your majesty. wakanda is a beautiful nation, and i’m so grateful that you’re okay with me being here.”

“you are very special to my daughter, and she seems to really-”

“okay, that’s enough,” the princess interrupted, narrowing her eyes. “i need to talk to my mother, but aneka here will show you to your room. i’ll see you soon.”

wakanda certainly knew how to make their guests feel welcome.

your room was in the palace, to your surprise. you weren’t sure where you thought you’d be staying, but you certainly didn’t think it’d be in a guest room across from the princess.

you didn’t actually know anyone except for shuri there, so you stayed in your temporary room while you waited for her to come.

“it’s beautiful, right?”

you looked away from the window and left your own mind to see aneka, who had not left since you arrived in the room. you never asked her to leave, to be fair.

“yeah, it’s amazing,” you agreed with aneka, moving away from the gorgeous view to approach her. “this whole thing y’all got going on here…no wonder y’all didn’t want the world to know.”

aneka’s lips twitched upwards slightly at your interest in her home.

“so how much of this place is vibranium? like the trains? or maybe the floors?”

she blinked. “everything.”

“oh, shit,” you cursed. “you mean this whole place is running on vibranium?” a nod from aneka made you raise your eyebrows in shock. “that is sick.”

the sound of three knocks at the door was enough to grab both you and aneka’s attention.

“it’s shuri!”

the dora strode to the door and opened it with ease. she greeted the princess and you waited patiently as she entered your line of sight.

“hey,” the princess greeted, sitting at the window next to you. “so, how are you liking wakanda so far?”

“it’s breathtaking,” you spoke truthfully. “your home is straight up art.”

she chuckled, giving you that annoying feeling of butterflies in your stomach. “it really is. but are you sure you’re not feeling homesick? you always talked about how much you loved christmas and since we don’t celebrate it here, i thought-”

you waved your hands dismissively. “i don’t mind at all. i think of it as a christmas present, actually. getting to explore a place as magical as wakanda.”

you weren’t entirely lying. you did feel homesick. it was almost christmas, yet there weren’t any decorations that gave you the christmasy feel you’d get every year. and as much as you hated to admit, you missed your annoying ass family too. you didn’t want to appear ungrateful, though. you really were enjoying your stay so far.

“are you sure?”

“shuri, let it go,” you giggled. “i’m happy to be here. one christmas away from my family isn’t going to be the end of the world.”

“okay, i’ll let it go,” she acknowledged. “maybe we can go explore the city now. i think you’ll love everyone.”

“i’d love that. but, i need to use the bathroom first.”

with that, you got up from the seat and entered the bathroom. once aneka was sure you were no longer listening, she turned to shuri.

“you’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“you know i won’t.”

#shuri x reader #black panther fic #fanfic #shuri udaku #shuri x f!reader #shuri x you #shuri x black!reader #shuri x fem!reader #hbcu!shuri #aesthetic

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b1as1an-souya · 2 years

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“You’re like me because im the best! Duhh!

Baji x younger brother reader

[Name] took after his older brother alot, yup Keisuke Baji was his older bro. So basically Keisuke+Mini Keisuke= literal chaos.

You see, [Name] and Keisuke were always together no matter what. It could be school, a fight, toman meetings etc. They were always together. Also

They never argued.

And when I say never I mean never.

Those two always made ends meet surprisingly.

That also means that there were always fuckers who always tried to bring the Baji twins down, but it never worked… well until Tetta Kisski joined toman…

“THATS IT I’M DONE WITH YOU KEISUKE!” [Name] yelled at his younger brother. “Fine! I don’t need you, you’re worthless in my eyes anyways!” Keisuke yelled back. “Oh, FINE!” [Name] yelled back as he tried not to cry. “I’m leaving…” he said.

Kisaki’s plan was going into action. He was gonna tear the Baji brother apart and then use [Name] to become the top delinquent in japan. Simple right?

The two stormed off super pissed off at each other. After that they didn’t see each other until Monday. “Yo [Name]! How ya doin where’s Baji?” Chifuyu asked. “I dunno, I don’t care.” [Name] replied back coldly. “What happened between you two?” Chifuyu asked worriedly.

[Name] not caring where his big bro is? Thats crazy! He always follows Baji around? Chifuyu thought. [Name] explained what happened between him and his big bro and how they haven’t Seen each other since. “Oh shit! Baji fucked up big time!” Chifuyu yelled. “That’s exactly why we’re avoiding one another!” [Name] remarked. I’ll fix this. Chifuyu thought.

After that Chifuyu walked up to Baji and said “Look here, you have to apologize to [Name]! You can’t let dumb gossip get between your relationship with him! So after school you have to apologize to him!” “Tch! Mind your business Chifuyu.” Keisuke said back coldly. “Mhm!” Chifuyu said back in response.

While Keisuke was walking back home he took Chifuyu’s words into consideration. “I’m a horrible older brother…” Baji mumbled obliviously.

WAIT WHAT?! He thought back. “If [Name] and I continue this we won’t get anywhere!” Keisuke said as he connected the dots. “ SHIT! I GOTTA APOLOGIZE TO HIM!” Keisuke yelled as he ran home.

Just as expected he saw [Name] in front of the apartment complex. “Listen here [Name]/Kei…” The two of them said at the same time. “Go first Keisuke.” [Name] said. “I wanna apologize for calling you worthless! Thats not actually true! YOURE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME [NAME]!” Keisuke yelled as he hugged him. “I’m sorry for avoiding you, the truth is I was scared shitless without you around Kei…” [Name] said.

“WELL THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WAITING FOR?” Keisuke yelled. “WE’RE BACK IN ACTION!” [Name] replied back. “Wanna go set some cars on fire?!” Keisuke whisper-yelled. “Fuck yeah!” [Name] whisper-yelled back.

“You’re so similar and cool to me lil bro!” Keisuke yelled. “Well it’s only obvious! I got the best big bro in the entire universe!” [Name] shouted back.

As the two brothers went on their way to go light cars on fire and other illegal activities.

#tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers x male reader #tok rev #tokyo revengers manga #x male reader #anime #male reader #tok rev fluff #tok rev x male reader #anime / manga #baji keisuke #tokyo revengers baji #keisuke baji #baji x reader #baji x male reader

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itsame-ariana · 3 months

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(kinda sorta)

Life SMP Hadestown AU

//Life SMP Hadestown AU//

Master post for something no one may see.

Idk if this is anything but enjoy

I dunno- this and into the woods is my favorite musicals and I’ve had traffic brain rot for AGESSS and I was finally re-listening to Hadestown and this absolute fever dream of an idea dawned on me during hey little song bird

So yeah. Enjoy?

Here’s the original post when I got this idea

And obvious disclaimer this are all the character versions of these people not the actual people thank you very much for you patience.

ANYWAY

//Life series Hadestown AU//

Eurydice- Jimmy Solidarity ✨the canary✨ you see the vision. This (joke?) is what started this whole thing so.

Orpheus- Still deciding between Scott and Tango

Tango pros:

- They are soulmates

- the goat horns are kinda vaguely like music/an instrument 👀

- ranchers duo is SO SWEET always

- their lives are tethered which in a way fits the story of the show and the myth.

- idk i just like this idea

- why are you still here? It’s over. Go home.

- c!jimmy seems to be on better terms with c!tango than c!scott soooo

Scott pros:

- they were husbands, Jimmy died first tragically (very accurate to original myth)

- THE FLOWER MOTIF- specifically a red flower. It’s just so perfect

- they saw each other in the afterlife

- Scott is always attached to flower husbands which seems fitting

- he likes to sing? Empires musical? I don’t know but it seems like it works

-flower husbands and desert duo have connections (you will see why this is important)

So yeah leaning towards tango for the vibes but leaning towards Scott for actual similarities in plot and such.

(If someone wants to say Joel or someone I will happily hear you out lol)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hades and Persephone- c!Grian and c!Scar/desert duo. The characters were once in love and then it grew into a a more bitter relationship. There are lots of potential parallels with Hadestown older lovers and desert duo. Grian and scar also have flower/plant motifs.

Grian as hades- He is a watcher, which seems fitting. Creator of the games seems fitting for god of death and also the industrial foreman Hadestown has. Original winner.

Scar as Persephone- Now that he is a winner, I personally love the idea of him being the earth, which is perfect for the god(dess) of spring. I also think his secret life skins going from green to black is an accidental parallel.

The only real issue with this is I want to incorporate Grian being the sun but that’s contradictory;-;

Hermes- My main idea atm is Martyn. This is mostly because storytelling and lore is very connected to him and his character. Who doesn’t love some eyes and ears AU/lore

I am also considering pearl just because I like that idea, her being the moon and being connected to g and s, etc

And Ren because he is such a storyteller/theater kid

The Fates- I have several ideas for this

-the watchers(and secret keeper.) Obvious reasons

- the other winners

-clethubs because they are a fun/good trio lol

- ren, pearl, Scott (in case I don’t have them as Hermes/orpheus)

- the remaining Evo members: bigb (also he was so creechur in third life ), pearl, and if he’s not Hermes, Martyn (also good since pearl and martyn have won)

__________________________________________

Based on a lot of the plant motifs imagine if instead of a carnation it was a poppy.

I’m very slow with drawing and have never written any kind of fic before but if people like this idea I’d love suggestions for the AU and I’ll definitely make some character designs :)

Character designs/descriptions:

Jimmy coming soon to a theater near you

Other posts for the AU:

Full circle lol

Potential name

How to include both Scott and Tango

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light-lanterne · 9 months

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Angel you're a real one for bringing up the Nancy issue in your post. For the longest I really couldn't stand how the writers just gave up on the Wheeler sibs while making the Byers, Sinclairs, Steve and Dustin, even Willel have better chemistry than Nancy and Mike.

Maybe it's cuz I have a really awesome older sister so comparing her to Nancy, Nancy falls entirely short. I want her to have an Over the Garden Wall moment (a cool cartoon I watch every autumn season) where another character points out how un-older sibling like she's being to Mike so she can do better cuz maybe she's truly unaware that this is an issue.

Cuz I don't think Nancy’s going to get it unless someone else on the outside openly talks to her about how she's just not there for Mike in the way she thinks she is. We've never seen Nancy be observant to Mike like how the Byers notice something's off about Will so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she can't see what's in front of her cuz the Wheelers only cared when danger was right at their doorstep (Ted and Karen when the government showed up, at the town meeting when Jason started the manhunt)

Nancy's following the theme of being her parents in recognizing something is wrong too late like in s1 when she worried about Mike and never even thought that he could be in danger when his literal best friend Will is missing, along with Barb.

So I dunno, I see Nancy reflecting her parents in that way of never knowing that Mike is also in the pathway of danger nearly constantly AKA a target of the same entity/mysterious bad guy that took Will twice (physically and possession wise)

Anyways sorry for the long ask but I just hate how they write Nancy and Mike's dynamic with no progression in 4 whole seasons. She has survivors guilt from losing Barb and protects everyone else but she leaves Mike in the dust

hi lex ~! please never apologise for long asks, i love to analyse characters (even if i don't do it often).

yes to all you said !! i don't know if the writers chose to completely ignore the wheeler siblings on purpose so there can be a cool storyline with them in s5 (or if they simply don't think their connection is important in the slightest -_- ), but i think it's factual at this point that nancy needs someone or something to knock some sense into her. it's been four seasons without her altering her behaviour in the slightest, so someone (potentially jonathan, seeing as he constantly blames himself for not being there for will) has to reach her lest something terrible happens to mike and she can't avoid caring any longer.

more than that, though, i think the crux of the problem is nancy's need for revenge. ever since s1 it's been well established that she feels entirely responsible for what happened to barb and, being unable to bring her back, has chosen to focus her energy into harming those she feels are also at fault.

so in s1 this translated to ditching the kids to go kill the demogorgon, later pretending that it was to help joyce and hopper in the upside down when it was clearly just an attempt to avenge barb. in s2, she missed out on most of what happened because she was off with jonathan and murray trying to figure out a way to make the lab pay. in s3, she's the first to get the gun ready to attack biIly and, in s4, she's the one who concocts a plan to try to kill vecna.

and while all these plans are ultimately cemented in her desire to keep the party safe, she constantly overlooks obvious flaws to her approach because a) she's only a human girl and there's not much else she can really do against their supernatural foes, and b) even if it's on a subconscious level, she has a strong bias towards violence because she's still trying to punish those who took barb from her (in lieu of punishing herself further because, as previously mentioned, she's the one she blames the most).

so, until she rids herself of this need for vengeance and starts thinking more logically, she will continue to ignore basic problems to her plans and, more importantly, the emotional needs of those around her. particularly mike, who she's grown up ignoring because that's the example her parents have set for her and who, in her mind, doesn't need to be cared for emotionally because what's there for him to be sad or traumatised about ? he got will back (twice), el back (also twice, if we consider the break-up), and he's had the least amount of near-death-experiences out of all the kids (as far as she knows).

in nancy's mind, since mike didn't lose his loved ones, there's no way he could possibly be struggling and so, anything she might actually notice, any signs she might see that defy this idea, she pushes down to keep up this self-imposed illusion. and, when she recognises her brother's behaviour in others, or sees that someone else is in danger, she chooses to hyperfocus on them so that she can continue to ignore mike's pain (or the fact that he's in danger).

,,,anyway,,, there's another half-baked analysis x.x thanks again for the ask lex !! hopefully my rambling is somewhat coherent u.u

#💕#🍬#📝#💡#🧸#nancy wheeler #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler analysis #mike wheeler analysis #wheeler family

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chipped-chimera · 7 months

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So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡🤍💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

#kerytalk #lesbian #lgbtq+#sorry this got real long and kind of spiritual at the end but yeah #this is I guess the culmination of 30 years of my life and a lot of pain #uh yeah that spn tattoo I provided was taken directly from that idea bank for my own tatt because I felt it fit #and it's a good message to carry I think

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agent-cupcake · 1 year

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Felix doesn't get enough love! Could do cypress, peony, hydrangea, and/or magnolia for him?👀

Big fan btw dunno if I ever mentioned it

The things you find while looking through your drafts....

Cypress - How does this yandere comfort their upset darling?

Before considering this question as it applies to a darker version of Felix, I am of the opinion that while he is an incredibly caring and loving individual, he isn’t an empathic person. He's not going to necessarily read or understand your emotions the way you might hope. That’s not to say he wouldn’t want to listen to your problems, understand why things bother you, and comfort you when you’re in need, just that he doesn’t naturally connect in that way and it would be really easy to suffer miscommunications as a result. He favors action over emotion, changing what can be directly controlled rather than ruminating on the intangible. If you have a problem, there must be a solution.

This gets very messy very quickly in a toxic relationship where it’s in his best interest to remain blind to your feelings even when confronted with them. I think the most likely reason to be upset in a situation like this would be because you’re in love with an aggressively obsessive man who’s endlessly paranoid about losing you. And Felix is self aware, he knows full well what he’s doing by keeping you in a controlling, domineering relationship. The obvious lie he tells himself is that his actions, destructive as they might be emotionally, are necessary. Prioritizing action over emotion. Your feelings cannot be controlled (you would be just as likely to be unhappy without him than with, right?), but your physical safety and well being can be managed. By him. Only him. So, if you were to express that you’re upset with your relationship or his behavior, it would be treated very coldly and negatively—possibly combatively. The worst case scenario for how he would “comfort” you is a full on fight where he meticulously points out why he’s right to be so possessive, that you can’t survive without him, and how weak and childish you seem. For what it’s worth, I do think this would always be followed by a period of genuine remorse where he tries to make you forget everything and prove his love and adoration. Notably, Felix would never out and out try to justify himself to you. His excuses are all his own, he knows that they’re paper thin, but he also doesn’t feel like he should have to explain them to you. He will apologize when he goes too far, but not for the underlying reason you’re actually upset.

More often, he’ll probably try and find another cause for your unhappiness, something that can be fixed or at least something more manageable. If necessary, he’ll try his best to fix your problems materially. You know, the type to beat a man half to death because he made you cry and then caress your face with bloodied hands, telling you that he took care of it (nevermind what “it” is). Despite everything, Felix is still a caring and loving person. He doesn’t have you entrapped in a disastrously unhealthy relationship for nothing. He does listen and as long as you’re not upset about anything sensitive, he definitely cares and is willing to hear you out, hold you while you cry, and do things to distract you. Felix trying to comfort you would be cute on the side of clueless, especially when it comes to gifts. "I'm sorry you're unhappy, here is a new sword." As much as he can, Felix wants a normal, healthy, loving relationship.

Peony - How shameless is this yandere? Do they care about their public image and or private image, and how does that affect how they treat their darling?

Felix knows that there's, generally, a way he should act as Duke Fraldarius and he follows that. Public displays of affection would be very uncomfortable for him anyway. Physically, I can't see Felix doing anything more scandalous than putting a hand on your back or holding your hand/arm. Verbally, there's definitely less impropriety. He is a snarky bastard. If somebody is flirting with you (although, let's be honest, flirting can mean somebody even looking at you the wrong way) he'll loudly point it out even if it means embarrassing you. If he feels you're wandering too much, he'll demand you come stand by him, or order you around like a child. Or a dog. It's not about humiliating you or even for his own pleasure, from his standpoint it's necessary. There are few people more vulnerable than the loved ones of important political figures, if you're not acting with proper care, he'll exert his control over you to ensure your safety. It's all perfectly reasonable and has nothing to do with jealousy. If it happens to make him feel a little flash of satisfaction at how easily you obey him, that's incidental.

Hydrangea - How would this yandere react if their darling gave them affection? What is their internal thought process like?

It begins with Felix freaking out at the unfamiliar discomfort of being vulnerable to somebody. Stiff, uneasy, uncertain of himself. It wouldn’t really take long for him to get hooked on affection. Hugs, hand holding, and cheek kisses—the holy trinity of weakness for an emotionally and physically repressed tsundere with trauma relating to neglect. Obviously Felix tries to play it cool, acting like it doesn’t melt him whenever you bury your face in his chest or entwine your fingers with his, but internally he’s trying to commit every detail of it to memory just in case. He grumbles when you throw yourself at him for a hug, but he’ll squeeze you so tight you can’t breathe. Sure he won’t look you in the eye when he tells you how much you mean to him, but when you say it back, the love he feels for you is overwhelming, even suffocating. That’s why he’s doing all of this in the first place. Unlike many other yanderes, there is no artifice to Felix’s interactions with affection, even as the relationship degrades into something very twisted. He never uses it or interprets it as anything less or more than it is. He doesn’t even use it against you in arguments, or hold it over your head when you say that you’re unhappy. Your affection is sacred to him.

Magnolia - Would there ever be any time that the yandere would reflect on their actions and wonder if they should stop/change their ways? Or do they always believe themselves to be in the right?

Felix constantly reflects on his behavior, but he buries that pretty deep. Since his main justification for keeping you as a glorified prisoner is your safety, and that you could not possibly be safe in any other circumstance, it would be pretty hypocritical for him to let you go. It’s not that he thinks he’s right, although he does for the most part, it’s that Felix is an absolutist for the ends justifying the means when it comes to your safety. It’s not like his perspective is without merit. Even if you were to leave him, you already have a target painted on your back and could be used by any of his political enemies. You are, genuinely, in too deep to just leave him. Worse, if you died because of that, it would be his fault. But then, all of that justification is meaningless compared to the very fundamental driving force of his actions: Felix can not and will not consider a world without you in it. He’s a traumatized, vulnerable man who has lived for so long simply trying to be recognized as his own person and when you say his name, he feels seen. When he lays his head on your chest and hears your heart beating, feels the warmth of your skin, listens to the sound of your voice, he feels a profound sense of purpose that’s utterly unlike his loyalty to the crown or dedication to becoming stronger. No matter how terrible things can be, his need for that feeling, for you, is too devastating to reconsider the path he’s taken.

#felix hugo fraldarius #fe felix #fe3h #felix hugo fraldarius x reader #felix hugo fraldarius headcanons #fe felix x reader #fe felix headcanons #fire emblem three houses #headcanons #yandere #yandere headcanons

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heretherebedork · 11 months

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Okay, I went back to episode one to try and figure out more about this disorder and what it means and when it develops. I did not get much help, honestly. But I am still trying to figure this out.

Because the biggest question I have is when does this disorder typically start? Is this something that just happens randomly and at any time? Is it something you're born with? Maybe it's Maybelline? Because we need that info for what's going on with Lomfon.

Although honestly rewatching this at this point in the show... this is screaming 'metaphor for being visibly queer and homophobia' and it's only become more obvious in retrospect. Because so much of this is about the idea that the disorder can be good or bad depending on your point of view and how people seeing others with this disorder will make assumptions about them and who they love and honestly it's really interesting in that regard, especially with Patts being pan and/or bi while Tai feels much like a gay man (Patts sought a relationship outside of the disorder while Tai never did, waiting despite his own loss of faith in the idea and isn't that just fascinating when you consider the ideas of love and loss and fear of coming out but also fear of losing love to society and just the layers are all there.)

Also, this is fascinating when you consider how private the rainverse seems but whether or not it is... well, that's a big question the show is asking now, isn't it?

The isolation of it all, the idea that this silence even when people are around you puts you completely in a different place than everyone else despite seeing around him how many people are deeply connected despite their rain deafness. Honestly, the main isolation we see during these times are either because the people around them forget they're deaf or because they choose that isolation (Patts staring at Tai out of the car window, Tai locking himself in his room after his parents break up) but we also see the very loving date of the non-soulmates who aren't isolated or struggling at all even as the rest of the world judges them and again the queer vibes of it all.

TAI. TAI. Don't just say that I need more answers, damnit. GIVE ME ALL THE DETAILS PLEASE. When does it develop? How? Is it something you're born with, is it contagious, is it just something that randomly happens? What is it?!

Again. The queer vibes. The metaphor. The very real face of queerness in the face of a homophobic society no matter how queer people represent themselves.

(The straight couple that aren't soulmates in the restaurant, the assumptions of the workers that he had to have a soulmate even though we later find out that only a fraction of people with hearing loss have one... the assumptions that because he has one visible difference that lends itself to a conclusion that their conclusion is correct. Dying.)

I feel like this implies that the disorder typically starts before twenty and the beginning of hearing their soulmate happens at 20 but Lomfon was obviously able to hear Tien in the rain right before he started hearing their voices. What does it all mean, damnit? He's had a crush on Tai this whole time so it isn't about queer realization and it's not the first time he's been with Tai and Patts in the rain (remember when he told Tai he didn't believe in soulmates? The was in the rain and he definitely didn't hear them both in that moment... or at least I assume he didn't from how they showed the scene in the last episode) so what is going on!!!

It's so fascinating because it really is a great metaphor for queerness, particularly the visible type, and honestly the break up between Patts and Nara when faced through the lens of how so many people approach bi/pansexuality as a whole but Lomfon is just the wrench in everything. Is he polyamory? Is he about falling in love with the wrong person or at the wrong time? Is he about how realizations and choices can be contagious? I don't know!

Anyway.

... I dunno, I love this show and I am fascinated by trying to figure this out but I am most heartbroken thinking about how Tien is now the only one in this group without a soulmate based in the idea of destiny when he's the one who believes in the idea the most and has never doubted the Tai's soulmate would be the love of his life despite watching his parents divorce despite being soulmates and I just... I just want him to be happy, okay?

#la pluie #la pluie the series #la pluie series #bl series #thai bl #thai drama #thai series #thaibl #asian lgbtq dramas #thai bl series #asianlgbtqdramas #bl drama #thai bl drama #thai bl meta #in which i think deeply but maybe not deeply enough

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tf2fansderogatory · 1 year

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muppets team fortress two. whos who

okokok hi i'm awake from my slumber did someone say muppets. i have some thoughts

scout is rizzo the rat because small weird man with a lot of siblings. what else do you want me to say. i'm right

medic is miss piggy because, and i'm quoting bungus here, "that bitch is glamorous"

demo is rowlf the dog because you can't tell me that rowlf wouldn't be the ultimate drinking buddy, also the fact that they both play piano is just too perfect, this was one of my two immediate thoughts when i first saw this ask. other one was rizzo scout obviously

PYRO IS BEAKER. pyro is beaker. i don't need to explain this one

on that same thought track of pyro as beaker, engie is dr. bunsen honeydew, the concept of pyro being his lab buddy is something i've always loved and this plays directly into that concept. also honeydew would 100% do something like removing his own arm to give himself a mechanical prosthetic. they're both madlads is what i'm saying

i originally thought of sam eagle when considering soldier because america but no, aside from the america thing he's nothing like soldier. soldier is animal. what are you gonna do about it

look i dunno how to articulate how well sniper matches up with gonzo. they both dress like weird uncles, they're both lanky motherfuckers, they're both widely accepted by the transmasc community as "goals," they're just. you cannot fight me on this because i am not listening

i originally thought spy might be hard to place but then i remembered pepe the king prawn and i was like oh this is easy. scheming little bitch with a propensity for making innuendos. the only thing that doesn't match up here is that pepe has a really casual style of dress but if you put him in a suit then he's literally spy

oh shit i'm already at the last merc. uhm. man i'm honestly having trouble placing heavy, i think...just based on vibes alone i'd probably go with fozzie bear for him, he was my first thought because Obvious Bear Joke but then i thought more about it and i was like. yknow. fozzie's struggles to write jokes and just communicate in general kinda connects well with heavy's struggles to communicate in english as opposed to his native tongue of russian, like i feel like they're both guys who'd be understood a lot better if they just knew the right way to say something if that makes sense? i'm looking too deep into this though i'm sure most people will just be satisfied that i'm fulfilling the Obvious Bear Joke requirement lol

okay last one. i was originally frustrated that i couldn't pin anybody down as being kermit but then i had the brain blast that miss pauling would absolutely be kermit. they both serve the role of kinda being like the straight-man mediator that's also willing to participate in the shenanigans from time to time, like go listen to miss pauling's contract voice lines and tell me she doesn't fit that description

anyway thank you for this ask!! i haven't had this much of an urge to write about the funny teufort people in a hot minute so this was nice heehee

#answered by nimbus #anon #tf2 whole team #whole team #miss pauling tf2 #im tagging her cuz i dunno if she's technically under the ''team'' umbrella

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the-anime-man · 9 months

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What if Sig got to the Tome of Sealing first? AKA Tomo AU

hi again tumblr, please dont expect a whole lot from this blog, once again, but, i wanted to post like a little basic thing about this au i've had since 2021 now that i'm back into puyo again,

this is an au that Heavily relies on bits of fanon and headcanon to make it work cuz canon is puyo puyo is very fucking wishy washy but essentially, what if sig had checked out the tome of sealing from the library before klug was able to? (sorry if this is a bit scatterbrained, im not good at organizing my thoughts much,,)

(also please dont mind some of the art, im like an ok artist at best and some of this shit is from 2 years ago as well)

so like, as the absolute fucking nerd i am, i made like an initial google doc on this thing outlining most of the shit im about to summarize here (that i might link if someone asks at some point i guess idk) as well as a fanfic, didnt finish that though, i got like through barely a chapter before i stopped and then i got into sam and max but that's unrelated to now

ANYWAYS, the au is as it sounds, sig goes to precise museum and, guided by the voice of the crimson soul, finds the tome of sealing and checks it out (much to akuma's chargin,,) and then he checks out the book again,,, and again,,,, and a gain,,,, (you see where this is going)

but uh, why is it called tomo au? see im being a little shitter here and i thought maybe the crimson soul's memory would be a little shot after spending ages in a book so they might not remember their name and sig is like "you're my friend now so i'm gonna call you friend/tomodachi" but then he's like "that's too long i'm gonna call you tomo instead" so they just go along with it, for future reference, anytime i mention the crimson soul i'm gonna be calling it Tomo

wow that's really fucking big sorry,

sig has an immense attachment to tomo from the get go btw, he's like, i wanna say like 8 or so when he first gets to the book, so besides the obvious literal halvsies soul connection there's that childhood connection as well,

side note: they can speak to each other cuz of that soul connection btw, it's my personal headcanon that after slug (canon strange klug/the crimson soul) can speak to anybody who they've possessed before as well as their other half, so in canon klug and sig can hear the book talk but in this au only sig can hear them

also, the reason why tomo doesn't attempt to take over sig right from the outset is A) they dunno where the unsealing objects are and B) sig is a child and uh, another part that i'm still trying to work the kinks through of is whether tomo decides to hold off on doing the fusion dance of their own volition or if because the cyan soul (which can speak to tomo, but only when sig is asleep cuz when sig is awake the cyan soul IS sig, nother headcanon sorry) decides it's too soon, they probably have memories of previous incarnations stored in there and know that eventually sig will start showing more demonic traits but not when he's baby

wow this is getting to be a lot but we're not even done cuz now i gotta talk about what this means about shit like fever 2 and such (y'know canon things and all)

boy tumblr just hates making images smaller nowadays huh,

so when sig starts showing signs of his heritage (i.e., a bit before fever 2 happens) tomo and sig start to hatch a plan to get tomo a body back! of course, tomo is omitting some things about how they're actually going to go into sig's body cuz at this point they've been together for a few years now and sig trusts tomo as like, a best friend i guess? something like that,

so sig is under the impression tomo is gonna be released and get their old body back and tomo is under the impression that as soon as the seal releases they'll enter sig's body, join back up with the cyan soul, and return to their original form,

so sig transfers over to amitie and klug's class, (tomo) overhears that lemres is coming into town with the items they need, and they steal the shit and head to the ruins to perform the unsealing

SPOILERS! shit goes wrong

ignore how shitty the ms paint art from a couple of years ago is, might change the hair to be more red in future art

for reasons (that i also need to workshop because to be honest originally it was a "whoever unseals it gets their soul swapped with whoever is trapped in the book" but like??? idk if that's how it should work when it comes to these two specifically), sig and tomo swap places instead of a fusion happening,

sucks balls for both of them cuz this is like the Last thing either of them wanted out of this tbh, sig obviously because well, trust got broken and ended up trapped til the artifacts are stolen (klug either swaps roles with amitie or sig, haven't figured that one out yet either) and tomo most certainly doesn't want sig trapped, as they wouldn't want anyone to experience the loneliness of being sealed away like they were (except klug, fuck klug specifically) (also the chronicles drama cd mentions that part of tomo's character in it so it works for my purposes)

this image wasn't necessarily specific to tomo au but i thought it would fit anyways, sorry it's a bit blurry my phone wouldnt focus on the damn thing properly

and after fever 2,,, i kind of dont have as clear of a story? or a plan? there's some tension between sig and tomo for at least a little while but sig eventually forgives them, as well i don't know how i would tackle something like sig's secret if at all?? but yeah that's the main shit to this au, sorry it's all so very long! this has been on my mind for a few weeks now and it was on my mind for months back in 2021, so i just have a lot i'm throwing out here into the wind, if you got this far: thanks so much for reading!

here's some bonus shit for getting to the end of the main shit:

tomo calls sig "little blue" sometimes, since he's yknow, younger than them and blue but calls the cyan soul their "other half"

if you couldn't tell from the first image, since sig has his bookbag, he carries tomo around in that, but if he's stopped somewhere he'll leave the book open next to him so tomo can see around (hard to see with the covers in the way)

sig was already probably ostricized for yknow, his autistic tendencies, the book did not help with that, but it gave him a trusted confidant :)

sig actually starts developing his demonic traits earlier than in canon due to his proximity to tomo, but not by much

klug has stolen the book before, both demon halves were not pleased with this and klug has not attempted to steal the book again

sig can supplement his own magic power with tomo's for an incredibly large boost, and tomo doesn't mind doing so, this gives sig almost the exact same amount of power as the full demon used to have and also changes his right eye to red

OH, both relevant to this au and my own interpretation: the full demon's name was wisteria, but neither sig nor tomo remember it until either are reminded of that

ok that's it go home now bye bye

#sig puyo puyo #strange klug #puyo puyo #puyo puyo au #long post #under the cut i mean #tomo au #Get me an art tag the thrilling saga #WAIT YOU CAN EDIT TAGS ON TUMBLR NOW WHEN WAS THIS A THING #tldr i have a lot of thoughts about this dumbass au i've made enjoy my scattered ramblings 👍

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luv-assangiebatch · 5 months

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Mendax Undercover - Chapter 8: Charged Gazes and Dropped Hearts

As the friends met the next day for lunch at their favorite Indian restaurant, Kat decided to surprise them with her interesting news.

“So I slept at Julian’s last night,” she nonchalantly blurted out.

Marilu had just taken a drink of water and immediately spit it out after hearing Kat’s words. The others reacted with dropped jaws, gasps, and exclamations. Kat laughed as she waved her hand to clear the mist from Marilu’s reaction.

“I thought you might like that…” she chuckled. “Honestly though, nothing happened. We just worked really late, and I ended up falling asleep in his lap at one point. Then the trams weren’t running anymore so he offered for me to stay in a guest room. It was quite sweet, actually…”

“In his LAP?!” Juniper echoed with wide eyes.

“Yeah…you sure nothing happened?” Astrid giggled with a raised eyebrow.

Kat shook her head adamantly. “No, no, no… I mean, yes I dozed off and collapsed and my head landed in his lap somehow…and he just…let me sleep I guess? When I woke up I was beyond embarrassed—but he seemed to find it amusing…”

“I dunno about this…you two seem to have some peculiar connection…” Marilu mused.

“Yes, I keep saying he doesn’t talk to anyone else the way he talks to her,” Juniper confirmed.

“Well, I think it’s sweet he offered up his guestroom to you to stay in because it was late. It’s a bit romantic, isn’t it?” Bethany added, beaming with optimism.

“He also let me wear some of his clothes to sleep in, you know, just like a t-shirt and comfy pants…”

“Oh that’s so sweet!” Bethany exclaimed, bringing her hand to her heart. “What a gentleman!”

“Yes, that is a bit familiar, isn’t it?” Marilu pondered. “Intimate…”

“By the way, do any of you know what ‘The Pirate Bay’ is?” Kat asked.

“It’s a BitTorrent website where people can go to download media, like movies and songs, for free.” Marilu answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh well, that’s what was on the shirt he let me borrow…I was just curious what it was…” Kat blushed, feeling a little foolish for having to ask the question.

“So how did this morning go? Did you come to work together?” Bethany asked before taking a bite of her paneer tikka masala.

“Oh…well…” Kat began while she tore her naan into a few single bite pieces. “I haven’t seen him yet today…I left this morning before he woke up…” she lowered her head a little, as if she were ashamed.

The four friends gasped almost in unison. Kat responded with a flustered shrug.

“Well I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do! I had to get home so I could get ready for work…and I still felt a little embarrassed over the whole thing…I wasn’t sure if I could face him…and have him see me all a mess in the morning…”

“Awe, I don’t think he would have minded any of that one bit! You worry way too much,” Bethany responded, hoping to reassure her friend.

“Yes, maybe he would have cooked you breakfast or something!” Astrid added, reaching for more rice.

“Oh I dunno…maybe…” Kat shook her head a little.

“I don’t know how you don’t see it—he likes you! Why else would he let you sleep in his lap and stay at his place overnight? It’s so obvious!” Juniper exclaimed with bright eyes and a hopeful smile. “You guys would be really cute together!”

Kat couldn’t conceal her beaming as her face flushed with a little heat, which was not caused by the spices in her delicious meal.

“That is definitely a thought that lives rent free in my head quite often…but ugh, I just don’t know… I think it might be easier if we didn’t work together and he wasn’t in such a high position…” Kat sighed as she paused for a moment. “Anyway enough about me and Mr. VP…what else have you all been up to for the past week?

“Oooh, well something I haven’t told you guys yet…is I have recently started archery lessons…” Juniper shared, reaching for their mango lassi and giving it a stir.

The table directed their attention to Juniper with enthusiastic surprise.

“Archery?! That is so cool!” Bethany exclaimed.

“Yeah definitely!” Kat confirmed. “How did I not hear about this sooner?”

“How is that, is it difficult?” Marilu asked.

Juniper nodded and smiled, acknowledging all of the reactions. “Well, you know my affinity for all things outdoorsy and adventurous, and, well, I just thought this sounded like fun—like a new adventure. It is difficult, a little awkward, but the instructor seems to think I have a bit of a natural knack for it…” Juniper began to blush a little when they mentioned the instructor.

The friends were intrigued and wanted to know more about the archery in general, but also picked up on Juniper’s reserved giddiness over this instructor.

“So this instructor…” Astrid began. “What are they like?”

Juniper smiled as their eyelashes fluttered for a moment. “Well, the instructor is very skilled, I mean I guess that is why he is the instructor…”

“He?” Astrid raised an eyebrow.

Juniper fidgeted a bit, feeling a little shy at first but eventually obliged the questions and told their friends all about the instructor. He was an Irishman with long, thick, and wavy brown hair with some lightly tamed scruff about his face. His eyes were also of a dark chestnut color, but they were kind and warm. His name was Killian, fitting of his Irish background, but most people called him Kili for short. He was brawny like a lumberjack but also had a grace about him, as if he were a descendant of Mother Nature herself. Juniper found themselves to be quite taken by Kili’s talent and kind-hearted soul. He was soft-spoken and quite playful at times, which made his class quite popular. Juniper often wondered what it might be like to go on a camping adventure with him in the Swiss mountains sometime.

“Well this is exciting…you should invite him out sometime so we can meet him!” Bethany cheered.

“Yeah maybe…” Juniper began. “Or you could come and observe a class, too. See him in action. He is really something!”

“Does someone have a bit of a crush?” Astrid inquired with a smirk.

Juniper shook their head. “Agh, I dunno…m-maybe a little…but I’m just really enjoying the class right now and learning from him. Besides, I don’t really know what his story is, if he is single or any of that…”

“Well there is always time to figure that out…how many more classes do you have with him?” Kat asked.

Juniper took a sip of water as they finished up their lunch before responding. “This class is a 12 week class, twice a week, and I just started a couple weeks ago. I think he teaches more advanced classes as well. He also competes in those axe throwing competitions…”

“Oh yeah, those are really popular right now!” Marilu noted.

“Yeah! So I suppose that is my news for now,” Juniper concluded.

“I think it’s cool you just signed up for archery…I mean how random! But also exciting. I’d like to see you do that sometime,” Kat added.

The rest of the table responded in kind, and Juniper really appreciated the support.

“What about you, Astrid? You always have intriguing tales for us,” Bethany inquired.

“Ah yes, you know…the rich doctors and businessmen…they are all the same. Although last night, I did meet a somewhat peculiar man…”

Marilu tilted their head inquisitively. “Peculiar—howso?”

“Well…” Astrid smiled as she gestured with her hand dramatically. “He was a bit of a wallflower at the bar, you know…just gawking in the shadows. He had a typical upper-crusty look due to his attire but there was something about his face…something that seemed a little….dark.”

“Ermm…sounds like a serial killer…” Bethany giggled.

“Yes…he was dark and mysterious, but I didn’t get this sense that he was harmful in any way…” Astrid continued.

“Well did you talk to him?” Kat asked.

“I did. He had a very refined British accent, soft-spoken. He is a doctor, of course…but quite different than the other doctors I’ve met. He’s a forensic pathologist by training.”

The table gasped. “Forensic pathologist? How cool! I wonder if he has a skull in his office…” Juniper smiled as they folded their hands and tapped their fingertips together just under their chin.

“Yes…so, it takes a special type of person to do that sort of work, no? A dark and twisted soul, “ Astrid mused, finishing up her drink.

“I dunno, “ Kat shrugged. “I mean, I’ve worked with pathologists and assisted on autopsies, and they are pretty normal. Family men and such. However that was just surgical pathology, not forensic.”

“Yeah, think of all the heinous crimes he may have seen throughout training, “ Juniper added. “But the crime might be worse in the US or England, rather than here in Basel?”

“I definitely think he has seen some stuff, probably when he trained in London,” Astrid theorized. “We didn’t talk too much about that though. He was charming, he bought me drinks and treated me like a lady…”

“And did you dominate him later, put him in his place?” Marilu asked. The rest of the table giggled.

Astrid shook her head though. “Nope, not this time. I offered, but he declined.”

“Has that actually ever happened to you before?” Bethany asked with genuine surprise.

“No—and this is what intrigues me. He did however, ask for my phone number, so I gave that to him. I think there is an interesting man in there—something deeper, more profound than these others who are so easily toyed with it’s sickening…” Astrid sighed.

“Did you get his name?” Kat asked.

“What does he look like?” Bethany followed.

Astrid shared that the man’s name was Alister and he was a man of medium height and build with pale skin, freckles, and ginger hair that was tied back in a low ponytail.

“Hey, ginger…!” Juniper raised their glass in a humorous manner which gained a round of chuckles from the table.

By this time, the friends had finished their lunch and needed to make their way back to the office.

* * *

After lunch, Kat settled back into her desk and unlocked her computer as she prepared to finish the second half of the workday. Just as she had opened a case and began reviewing all of the detected variants listed, a mysterious black chat window popped up on her adjacent monitor. It was like the one she received from Julian just the day before.

<jjj>: Kitty-Kat

Kat’s heart dropped into her stomach as she saw this message, both excited to receive another message from Julian but also worried she may have upset him by leaving without seeing him earlier. As she pondered a response, she noted in the lower left hand corner of the screen she could update the chat handle that appeared for herself. She smirked as she took a subtly flirtatious step, wondering if Julian would pick up on it.

<kkk>: Hi Julian!

<jjj>: Can you drop by my office?

<kkk>: Of course! On my way now…

Kat sighed as she locked her computer again, feeling her face flush with warmth and her palms starting to glisten. She took a quick sip of water to help calm her excitement before standing up and heading toward Julian’s office. Once she arrived, she knocked on the door lightly before popping her head inside.

“Hey, Julian…?”

Julian looked up from the monitors at his desk and grinned once he saw Kat, and motioned for her to enter. She nodded and walked inside, shutting the door behind her.

“Hi Kitty…” he said softly with a smile as she sat down in one of the chairs on the other side of his desk. “So you must have left early this morning, I was surprised to see you were gone already when I got up. Did you sleep okay?”

“Oh, yes I did—very well in fact! I just had to get up so early so I could get home and get ready before work.”

Julian nodded, his blue zircon eyes shining warmly. “I understand. I should have given you the number to the driving service to come get you…”

Kat smiled, trying not to blush or fidget too much. “Oh it’s okay, thank you though—and thank you again for letting me stay there last night. I still can’t believe I just fell asleep on you like that!”

Julian nodded with an amused smile. “It’s quite alright…I had a nice time.” His eyes gazed at her before he blinked softly. This look made her heart race a little faster.

Kat lightly batted her eyelashes before responding. “I—I had a nice time too…”

They continued to share a charged gaze before Kat spoke again.

“By the way…I meant to ask you about the driver…and while we’re at it, the mysterious chat window…?”

Julian chuckled with another nod. “Well I can’t give away all my secrets now, can I?”

Kat giggled, very much enjoying the flirtatious banter. “Something tells me you have more…”

Julian returned a smile but then seemed to pause and tense up for a moment. He did have a lot of secrets, especially one big serious one, so he thought it might be best to try and change the subject. He pursed his lips and sighed briefly before delivering his next response.

“The driving service is just a company benefit. The chat window, well…” Julian bit his bottom lip for a second before continuing. “Let’s just say I like my privacy and because I know my way around computer networks I found a way to create an instant chat that is not monitored by our IT department…”

Kat blinked a few times, intrigued. “You really worry about IT looking at your chats? They’re so harmless…”

“Yes, you’re probably right… call it an old hacker habit. Sometimes it’s just fun to do it because you can.”

“Hacker, huh…?” Julian’s mystique and dreamy good looks were driving Kat mad inside. Every time she talked to him the attraction got stronger.

Julian internally scolded himself for letting out another juicy secret, but he did feel comfortable around Kat and believed her to be trustworthy. However, he still wanted to remain cautious.

“Yes, well…you know—all ten year old gamers think of themselves as hackers,” he chuckled, diffusing the disclosure. “Anyway, I asked you in here because I have some good news regarding our project. I think I’ll have a better idea toward the end of the week, but I think we are almost ready to start validation!”

“Oh, that’s such exciting news, really?” Kat was ecstatic.

Julian nodded with a wide grin, then swooped his hair behind his ears.

“Yeah…I will need to spend the rest of this week helping out with the pipeline issues the blood assay has been having, but I may have some time by Friday afternoon to put the final touches on this and take it for a test spin. Think you’ll be available then?”

“Oh definitely, Friday is perfect. I can’t wait to see how this turns out! What time works best for you?”

Julian rolled his chair back toward his monitors to look at his calendar.

“Hmm…probably 4 or 5…”

“How about 430 then?” Kat suggested.

Julian leaned back toward her and flashed another one of his charming grins. “Perfect. I’ll see you then. Thanks Kitty-Kat.”

Kat felt as if she were going to melt right there in his chair. His smiles, those mysterious zircon eyes, his velvety-caramel voice—they all gave her the warmest shivers throughout her body and she was addicted. The chemistry was so strong she pondered that he must have felt it too, and started to believe that maybe her friends were right after all, that he might have feelings for her as well. The chemistry would not be so strong otherwise.

“Thank you, Julian…so much! I will see you Friday!”

“Yes…if things go the way I think they will, we may have a reason to celebrate.”

Kat tried to control her giddiness as she stood up from the chair and prepared to exit his office.

“I certainly hope so, wouldn’t that be something?”

“Yes…” Julian mumbled quietly as Kat made her way toward his office door. “Oh hey Kitty—” he added quickly.

“Yes?” She turned around as she held the doorknob in her hand.

“Nice chat handle…it suits you,” he quipped along with another charming grin.

Kat’s heart dropped into her stomach again before it was picked up by a swarm of butterflies. She chucked nonchalantly, looking away shyly before meeting his eyes once again.

“I’m glad you think so,” she whispered.

They both stared at each other for another charged moment before Kat finally broke the gaze and quietly walked out of the door.

#mendax undercover #kassangie #my shitty writing #the fifth estate #fanfic #my f/o #self-ship bullshit #precisionmed!au

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tamelee · 2 years

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Do you think sarada was a test tube baby or was her conception just shady? Sasuke and especially Sakura's behaviour make them look so weirdly guilty

There is no answer to that I believe?

I think Kishimoto used Gaiden as a last attempt stab at ‘Boruto’ with more questions than they can answer that they’re now trying to “fix”.. hence the shitload of marketing attempts.

I think she is the result of “things not always going as planned” during that time skip without Naruto.

What fueled Sasuke during the time skip anyway? Who wasn't there?

I noticed something else about Sasuke.

Sarada screams the word “papa” idk how many times, but Sasuke has only referred to her as ‘his child’ once at Orochimaru’s hideout. Any other time he includes Chocho and says “the kids.”

Same with Sakura. He never refers to Sakura or uses her name, (or show concern when she gets taken away by the enemy for that matter.. although neither does Naruto)- however he calls her his “wife”, right? I dunno about you, but I noticed he did this twice.. and ONLY to Orochimaru and ONLY when necessary. Think about that one, because I’m telling you that’s deliberate. Why wouldn’t he use their names around him specifically and why did Kishimoto choose to let Sakura and Sarada spout “papa” and “husband” over and over again while Sasuke avoids it? Food for thought.

Sarada questions about the relationship between her parents are never answered despite the “happy ending”. (Not fully anyway.)

The story will do everything in its power to raise suspicion and make you believe that Sarada might be one of those ‘Uchiha Shin’ clone children or perhaps a clone related to Sasuke with his genes made by Orochimaru in a ‘this is WAY too obvious, so of course in the end she wouldn’t be’-manner. Which is interesting, because in that so-called “happy ending” too many details are left unsolved.

Whatever you suspect, in the end it was all a misunderstanding.

So.. case closed. We went full circle, all is good.

Except, I’m still not convinced completely.

And Kishimoto is very careful in that regard. For example when Naruto talks to Sarada he makes sure to mention Sarada’s connection to “her mother and her father”, but not mention anything about the connection between Sasuke and Sakura. When he starts to console Sarada he speaks very highly of Sasuke, but he never mentioned Sakura.. at all. (Good qualities.)

Then we have Shizune.

We know there is nothing about Sarada’s birth documented in the hospitals of Konoha. Which is strange, because even if Sarada was born in Orochimaru’s hideout, you’d think Sakura, our great medic ninja, would’ve made sure she would be AT LEAST properly identified/documented in Konoha as Karin for sure has that.. alongside the umbilical cord for some reason. Even worse.. Shizune has no counterargument and looks distraught. Is “you were born outside of the village” such a secret? Is there literally nothing Shizune could’ve said?

Then we have the big question: “what was Sasuke going to say?”

Sakura arrives during the battle with ‘Uchiha Shin’ and Sasuke’s first reaction to that is: “What are you doing here?” To which she apologizes to Sarada “I meant to tell you properly”.

I think because leaving the village to find her dad because Sakura refused to tell her anything is dangerous and with that I’m guessing Kishimoto refers to some of the questions Sarada launched at Sasuke when she met him:

“Why won’t you be with mom?”

“Do you think it’s okay to forget the face of your child?” (Why won’t you be with me?/us?)

“Who is the girl with the glasses?” (Karin)

+ Mom won’t say anything, I don’t believe your relationship, you’re never around and yes, we have a lot of problems.

But Sasuke says Sakura doesn’t have to apologize, because no matter what “it’s his fault” as if Sarada was some sort of mistake. Sakura staying silent for so long/lying causing Sarada despair, is her fault since Sasuke… wasn’t around lol. So.. I’m thinking, just the fact that Sarada exists at all he believes “is his fault”. He agreed to something (Sakura ever-too-willing) and looks regretful since “no matter how we look at it”, he abandoned the aftermath of that decision up until that point.

But why? He isn’t connected to Sakura directly, because Sarada is in between, “because we have you.. Sarada.”

Since ‘Boruto’ had to happen anyway, why did Kishimoto choose to go this route for Sasuke’s future in Gaiden? He obviously went back to the War Arc.. so.. I did too.

So.. let’s take a look a Naruto’s reaction:

This is a “simple memory” of him thinking about Sasuke explaining his hypothesis about these Uchiha Shin clones and how it could connect to the white Zetsu being a byproduct of Madara using Hashirama’s flesh for that statue (to create that army) if I’m not mistaken. Uchiha Shin daddy ended up being Orochimaru’s old experiment. (Interestingly, Sakura brought him up before he did.. in her mind clone = Orochimaru.. also food for thought, but it could be because of Mitsuki, don’t know.)

But anyway, look at Naruto’s expression. Here he looks at a crying Sarada after she’s been told “this has nothing to do with you” by Sasuke in response to all the questions she shot at him. Which part of this is making him look so sullen?

Naruto has shown zero concern for Sakura or the “connection” between Sasuke and Sakura throughout Gaiden even when it was implied that Karin is possibly Sarada’s mom. The concern is seeing Sarada being in pain because of it/being lied to.

.. and left out.

Because indeed, the mission has nothing to do with Sarada as it is “top-secret”.

“A bright future is always better..

.. don’t you think?”

Am I the only one who’s not feeling that one from Sasuke?

“You stay in the village and protect it, Hokage..” “You deal with the things you have to do. And I’ll do what I have to do. Isn’t this the ‘cooperation’ that you wanted?"

Is it, Naruto? I highly doubt it. (Indicating that something isn't right here + Sakura's eyes.)

If you’d ask Kishimoto if Sarada truly is 100% a human child his answer would be: “Yea, sure :)”

You will get a straight up answer, enough to get the shippers gloating on socials with “proof”, but it’s as convincing as Sakura saying “..I’m sure our feelings are mutual…”

Regardless.. why does Sasuke feel like Sarada’s existence is his “fault”?

If you go back to the War Arc (as Kishimoto did too) Sasuke observes the conversation between Madara and Hashirama who talk about leaving the future to the next generation and “Madara’s dream coming to an end”. Both Naruto and Sasuke were willing to give up their goals for each other. Goals that ARE NOT JUST THEIR OWN. As Sasuke had said, “it’s especially true when it comes to bigger things.” Also meaning that.. even though Naruto said he was going to be a “Ninja in his own way” instead of just becoming Konoha’s “tool”, whatever future he had planned for Kohona.. if he even had one, he was willing to give that up too.

Think about it.

For whatever generations after them, whatever “bright future” they had planned, it was never more important than each other. If Naruto wanted a better life for all the children of Konoha and was determined to make that happen, then not even that was more important than Sasuke.

Naruto’s goal to become ‘Hokage’ and wanting the Shinobi’s to work together theory-wise was kind of vague, but he wanted to do it with Sasuke if they were going to be alive anyway.

And these dumbasses who love each other so much were reduced to these miserable looking fellas and I just think Kishimoto took the opportunity to make use of that as much as possible. Mocking the situation as obvious as he could without straight up saying it like only he can.

“Sasuke and Sakura have a child? Lol, I’ll make the reader as suspicious as possible without actually truly revealing anything.. as always hihi.”

Bastard.

“And then in ‘Boruto’ they can try and clean up my mess, but the damage is already kind of done, no?”

I love him.

In the famous words of Uchiha, Madara:

“Then it might have been impossible from me from the start. I hated having someone follow me from behind.”

But in the end Naruto and Sasuke are equals. Only Naruto can understand Sasuke on an emotional level and vice versa. Only they can balance each other out, everyone else..

Perhaps.. Sasuke saying

"A bright future is always better...

.. don't you think?"

In that almost sarcastic way.. was about Sarada (being a parent/family with Sakura) which only Naruto and Sakura understood and not so much about the mission, because that pause right there? Is not convincing and if Sasuke was truly speaking to better a future for the Shinobi world he would be much more determined.

But no one looks happy even though Sarada has her happy ending so leaving those questions open I think is just deliberate mockery.

#asktamelee #gaiden #gaiden manga #sns #gaiden analysis #naruto rant #kishimoto

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pheonyxian · 21 days

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Personal post

So, I've been quietly identifying as asexual for the past five or so years. Quietly, because the only people I've told are my online friends. And even then, I rarely bring it up in conversation or lean into it through icons and symbolism and stuff, even though many of my friends are very proudly pan/bi/ace/trans/non-binary. Part of it was because I just... didn't like being ace. It's kind of an isolating identity, but also because no matter where I looked, I felt like my experience was completely different than every ace community (tumblr, reddit, aven, etc.) Asexual felt right on paper, but talking about it beyond just the broad strokes made it obvious just how different I and most other aces actually understood sexual identity.

Same as aromantic. I didn't ever fully identify as aro but I was aware that it was a possibility, but same problems as above.

Separately, and a few years later, I also came to the conclusion that I have alexithymia. This was because when I get really upset, it feels like there's this physical disconnect between the part of my brain that feels the feels and the part that makes the words. Like, a literal 404 Page Not Found.

Recently though, I had a breakthrough that 1) my alexithymia is probably a lot worse than I originally realized, and 2) that my asexual-ness was related, if not completely stemming, from the alexithymia. I should point out that alexithymia (at least the version I have) is not having no emotions, but not being able to identify, speak, or connect with them. I usually won't realize that I feel sad, or angry, or even happy until I stop to think a bit. And even then, I usually recognize emotions through mental patterns rather than physical ones. It's always "wow I'm arguing with an imaginary person in my head, I must be angry" not "wow my heart's racing and I'm feeling hot, I must be angry."

A part of all that is that I also don't feel compelled to act on my emotions. Maybe this was caused by a coping mechanism for typical life bullshit (feel sad/angry/anxious? Too bad go to school and act normal or else you'll draw unwanted attention.) But that goes for positive emotions too. How am I supposed to recognize desire if the physical sensations that drive it only register as a weird, annoying feeling?

Once I realized this, things clicked into place much more than they did when I first identified as asexual. Identifying as ace made me feel worse, and I only continued to do it because I knew that there was something fundamentally different between what I was feeling and "normal." Restructuring my feelings as alexithymic feels so much better.

Also I feel like this gives me a little more permission to be horny on main. Not that I couldn't while being ace, but... I don't know, it just felt weird to say I was ace and then have my third most popular post in recent history being hornyposting about Warframe.

I'm not entirely sure whether I want to keep identifying as ace. Personally, I think it's valid to have your sexual/gender identity stem from neurodivergence, but whether that's what I want for me is... I dunno. Something to think about in the future. I'll admit though, I don't want to give up our cool flag.

Anyway, thanks to my friends, who are always there for me even though I rarely talk about my feelings out in the open. And anyone who's following me for funny posts who happened to read to the end as well.

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thorneytowers333 · 1 month

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okay i need to ramble about sheegor also. im just stating the obviouses here anyway. i like how she somewhat resembles mr pokeylope (and also hunched back, which i think could also resemble a turtle?)

also in her concept art as well it feels like they based her off a turtle if so! just me noticing the obvious (duh) theres also about her connections to thorney towers i think compared to crispin i think shes a lot more related to the whole thing. her hair is actually fairly similar /to/ houston thorny, three spikes and all. maybe it wasnt intentional but that kinda leads to the idea that before Everything sheegor was related to houston, or even his daughter so maybe that makes her and lobotos dynamic a bit more fucked ?? dunno but for all i know considering how fred became a patient after Napoleon i wouldnt be surprised after houstons suicide she mightve been committed in as well

#i need more love for sheegor..... wipes a tear

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irisviel101 · 10 months

Note

Question for Beyblade Metal: if you could have given the Star Fragments to previous characters instead making new characters, who would it been and why?

Hi!

Good question. I've never considered this before but it's a really neat idea. Thanks for the ask!

Edit: This ended up being a loooong since I decided that some of the story beats didn't work with the character changed so I basically rewrote Metal Fury. Sorry for the long response and for straying so much from the topic, but I felt that it was relevant sicne I can't just change the major characters without it affecting the plot at least a little.

I would keep Gingka, Kyoya and Ryuuga/Kenta's Star Fragments the same since their arcs played out well enough that I can't imagine anyone taking their places.

For the winter Star Fragment, the two main candidates I can think of are Masamune and Benkei (Monoceros and Taurus). I am tempted to say Masamune but I think it would be great for Benkei's arc too, and Masamune will be the red herring just like he was in canon. It would give Benkei a way to compete with the main crew of Metal Fury and show how far he's come since his introduction in the first season.

Another reason is that all the seasonal bladers have their constellations best seen in the second months of their respective seasons, except for Kenta which is third. This symbolizes that they are the second generation of legendary bladers — the first being the ones from history — and Kenta is a third generation since he received his Star Fragment from Ryuuga. Similarly, Taurus is also best seen in January, same as Orion, while Monoceros is best seen in Februrary. Masamune would be a better pick from a meta perspective if there was a third generation of legendary bladers.

Anyway, it would be the last Star Fragment to be awakened in the season; I would play up Benkei's insecurities starting from the Tag Team Tournament arc and that would be the thing to hold him back for the majority of the season, despite all his efforts, until the Better Island Tournament. I dunno who I would choose to be his opponent in the finals — maybe Kenta for old times' sake or Masamune since either would boil down to who is the legendary blader amongst them. The one I'm leaning towards the most, though, is Kyoya. It would be so thematically appropriate, since Benkei has always been Kyoya's number one supporter and he's the one Benkei feels the need to prove himself to the most. I don't remember if Kyoya is there in canon or not, but if he isn't, I would just place his return earlier. But more on that later.

Regardless, this would be the time for Benkei to overcome his feelings of having fallen behind the rest of the group and that would help him awaken the Star Fragment.

Since King won't exist in this AU, Masakune can have his breakdown moment with someone from Team Dungeon or Gingka.

As for the solar system bladers, well, that's a less obvious choice. Also, most of the new characters have a reference to their planet in their beys. Jupiter and Saturn are the Roman names of Zeus and Kronos in mythology which are also the names of Dynamis and Aguma's beys respectively. Mars is the Roman name of the Greek god of war, Ares, and King's Bey is called Variares and is also called the "Sword of the Gods" in canon myths. Not to mention their personalities but I'll talk about them separately.

Since Yuki wouldn't exist in this AU, there needs to be a different way for everyone to learn about Johannes, but honestly, the start isn't that much different. Pegasus and Leone evolve the same way, Madoka and Benkei recall the night they got their Start Fragments and Gingka and Ryo make the connection to the Koma Village legend. At first, they don't really take any action on it but they do keep an eye out for any strange occurrences in the news and tell everyone they know to do the same.

(Because of this delay, Yuu and Tsubasa are able to leave on their training journey together with only words of caution from Ryo and Hikaru)

Then, Johannes attacks Gingka to try and steal Pegasus. He fails but manages to escape, and the gang decide that he could be a danger to other people as well so they search for him. They eventually find him and overhead him talking to Pluto and discover the Nemesis cult through that instead.

Then they discover the island where they find Ryuuga and things play out similar to canon except there's no Yuuki, so they only discover one legendary instead of two. Kenta begins to consider leaving the group but he stops because he isn't sure if following Ryuuga is a wise option since he could probably leave him to die somewhere and succeed.

Fast forward to the Tag Team tournament and since Yuuki isn't here to be Gingka's partner, Kenta gets to do that instead. Except Gingka does pretty much all the work with his new bey, further reinforcing Kenya's feeling of uselessness, much like Benkei. Their first battle is Da Shan and Chi Yun instead of Chao Xin and Mei Mei.

Instead of the Beylin Fist not existing at all, I decided to make them antagonists for this one arc. So Aguma still exists and is still insanely powerful, so he eventually gets to the semifinals where he has to fight Chao Xin and Mei Mei. This battle helps Chao Xin awaken his Star Fragment and become the legendary blader of Saturn.

The reason I chose Chao Xin is because in astrology Saturn is associated with obligation, structure, rules and ambition to name a few (according to Google, correct me if I'm wrong). These values define Aguma's character in Metal Fury but in Chao Xin's case, it would be less about him learning these things and more about reinforcing the lessons he has learned in the previous season and showing how much he has grown since them.

Because Aguma wouldn't have a Star Fragment, the Beylin Fist would lose, but Chao Xin would extend an olive branch to dissolve this centuries long feud anyway, saying that they aren't their ancestors and they don't deserve to be ostracized for something they personally didn't do, to show how much he has grown and matured since his introduction in Metal Masters.

Virgo would becomes Scythe Virgo since, you know, Saturn is the Roman name of Kronos and Kronos usually has a scythe. (Totally not me being lazy with the bey designs, definitely not.)

Moving on to the Destroyer Dome arc. Since there's no King, the legend of Variares would be just used to explain Destroyer's origins since it was modeled after Variares. Also, in this version, Julian would also be participating in the Destoryer Dome as he would be among the people who aided financially for the stadium's construction. And instead of first going to Italy or wherever else they went, and they go straight to America.

(Sadly for Gingka, they still don't get to participate).

So we get to re-meet Team Dungeon, Tsubasa and Yuu — who is sulking because he didn't get a last minute free pass from the WBBA since he's not their employee and using him to find a legendary blader would technically be child exploitation and why would they bother with that when Tsubasa is right there with his already great past record as their special agent? — the Eonis guy still exists, King does not (I feel the worst for this one) and Team Lovushka and Team Garcia are there too.

The first round goes pretty much the same, except Julian is there to contrast how the Garcias didn't change from the second season, although it is acknowledged that their poverty is an actual issue and they're not being evil for the sake of being evil. They're trying to survive; it's just that they're trying to screw everyone else over in the process. Maybe Julian even decides to take a chance on them and gives Argo a job — the only Garcia he can legally hire since the rest are below 18 imo. I chose Julian for this since they worked together in the past so Julian should know why they do what they do and after he almost lost all his wealth, he should be able to at least sympathise with them. Anyway, the Garcias need a better conclusion than canon.

Onto rounds two. Since King doesn't exist and Jigsaw is not interested in fighting at all, Masamune and Lera throw hands instead since they missed their chance to battle in the World Championships in Metal Masters (also so that the tiny rivalry they were beginning to form actually goes somewhere, even if it isn't in this season). Julian realizes that they're not just competing but also trying to find the Star Fragment, so he remains neutral for a whole, further spurring on Lera and Masamune's fight since they just want something done already. That is, until they decide that Jigsaw is being way too smug and decide to team up to take him down a peg. Similar to canon, Jigsaw obliterates everyone except Julian and Masamune.

The final round is where it gets interesting. Jigsaw eliminates Zeo and Toby, and goes into hiding. This annoys Julian since he believes that a battle needs to be fought valiantly with one's full strength, regardless of who your opponent is. We get a few flashbacks to Julian's battle with Da Shan in Metal Masters to show that this is where those feelings originate from. These strong feelings awaken his Star Fragment and Julian pretty much destroys Jigsaw easily.

Sicne Variares is modeled after the mythology Ares, with, you know, attack and defense modes symbolizing a sword and shield, Destroyer's new design would be similar to Variares. The Fusion Wheel would have a different name though, idk, maybe something like Paladin Destroyer or Knight Destroyer to fit with Julian's emperor theme.

Then, Tsubasa, Masamune and Julian have a battle royale. Masamune gets defeated, the stadium breaks and we get the hamster wheel scene with Tsubasa ans Julian instead. Instead of an exposition about Julian's past, we get a flashback to their first meeting aka the Dark Power shenanigans, and they talk about how far they've come since then and that they finally got to battle all out in a tournament after all, bringing closure to that arc as well.

The reason I chose Julian this time is because the planet Mars is associated with strength, passion, valor, energy, etc which are qualities Julian shows as well even if they aren't always apparent. His arc, much like Chao Xin, is more about reinforcing his previous growth than changing anything about him now.

Planet Jupiter is associated with protection (I'm saying this based on Google, correct me if I'm wrong). In Roman Mythology, Jupiter was considered a protective deity as well. We see this with Dynamis being the guardian of his temple and I think it parallels Hyoma being the guardian of Koma Village. In my version, Koma Village would play an important role in the protagonists learning what the hell is even going on since that's considered to be the origin of beyblade itself. Not to mention, it would help flesh out the location a bit more, since we only saw the areas surround the village in Metal Fusion but not the actual village itself.

I picture it starting with Mist Mountain, even though there is no Dynamis. Similar to canon, there would be various traps in the mountain to prevent intruders from reaching the temple at the top and it would essentially be a race between the protagonists and the antagonists to reach the top. Once they do get to the top, they find ancient scripts in a language so archaic that it's almost impossible to decipher. Johannes's group steal the tablet and get away with it, but Madoka manages to snap a picture of it before. Gingka finds the script a bit familiar and makes the connection to Koma Village, so the gang heads there while giving Hyoma and Hokuto a heads up to start looking for clues.

Once they gets there, we get a brief reintroduction to Hyoma since it's been ages, and then the characters would start searching for clues in Koma Village's library. We would also see the village more populated since the people decided that it's safe to return now that Ryuuga and Doji have been defeated and a whole year has passed without any similar incidence.

Meanwhile, Doji — without showing his face on-screen — would make the connection to Koma Village sicne he invaded that place twice and probably did extensive research beforehand. So Johannes, Pluto and Cygnus would make their way to the village as well and start attacking the place, demanding that they give him the information or he would destroy the place. The gang tries to stop him while Hokuto continues to search for information, but they aren't powerful enoguh to defeat Pluto just yet.

Eventually, seeing the place he's worked so hard to protect being threatened and attacked like this again makes Hyoma snap and his desire to protect everyone makes the Star Fragment awaken and he manages to defeat Pluto with his newly evolved Aries.

I decided to just give Aries Jupiter's Fusion Wheel since the four metal balls in the Jade Fusion Wheel are supposed to represent the rings of planet Jupiter, which have four components. So Rock Aries turns into Jade Aries.

After this, Hyoma decides that they need more information on how the legend went down to see if they can learn anything else, but Hokuto tells Hyoma to leave that to him and to train with his new bey instead sicne he believes that the enemy will only get stronger and stronger from here on out.

(Alos, since there's no magical vision of their ancestors, they have no clue what the planetary legendary bladers are supposed to look like.)

For the next one, the candidate I have in mind is a bit out of the way, but hear me out. Mercury is associated with communication, rationality, adaptability, variability and thinking. It's no wonder that Yuki is the legendary blader of Mercury in canon, even without considering that Mercury in Roman mythology is the messenger of the gods and guess what is Yuki's main role in Metal Fury?

Anyway, the person I chose to replace Yuki with is Sora. I imagine that he would appear in Beyster Island as a competitor. He would eventually get to fight Kenta in the tournament and we would see flashbacks of Kenta teaching Sora way back in Meral Fusion. Sora would defeat Kenta, showing how far he has come since then.

While preparing to leave, Kenta would run into Gingka and they would have a conversation about why Kenta left, similar to canon. I feel bad about removing the Gingka vs Kenta fight sicne it was such a good battle, but I think they're close enough friends that they can come to an understanding even without that. Besides, it's been a long time since we've seen Sora so this fight would serve to not only show his growth but also to reintroduce him as a character.

Then, Sora would fight Gingka. Finally, after all this time, he would get to fight his role model. Sora would way more analytical and adaptable now, having built up on the foundation Kenta gave him in Metal Fusion. So, while it wouldn't be as apparent as Yuki, he would still fit the values mentioned above.

I think Gingka would win this fight since showing up out of nowhere and defeating Kenta and Gingka would be a bit much. Not to mention, it would show Sora that no matter how far he has come, he still has something higher to strive towards. However, he would awaken his Star Fragment during this fight.

Since Anubis's Fusion Wheel is modeled after Vulcan, which was a planet proposed to exist in Mercury and the Sun but was later disproved, I would make Sora's Pegasus evolve into Mercury Pegasus. I would get rid of the stripes in the design since they remind me of Anubis, and I would make the shape less like a feather give it a bit more rounder and flowy design as a nod to the element mercury which is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature.

Lastly, for Venus, I would choose Yuu. Venus is often associated with love (platonic or romantic) , relationships, harmony, beauty and the urge to sympathize with and unite with others. In canon, the themes of friendships and relationships were explored with Tithi well enough, but I feel like they could just as easily be explored with Yuu. Not only is he someone who sees something wonderful in almost anything but he is also able to easily sympathize with and befriend others, even managing to befriend Doji to a certain extent.

I have no clue how he would awaken his Star Fragment though. I think that Doji would take a more proactive role this time around, mostly because it's Yuu and he wants to mess with his head almost as much as he wants to mess with Ryuuga. Doji would probably be searching for the last fragment too, since they have literally only one and that is the one Nemesis got, so finding that last fragment is doubly important. He would run into Yuu and Tsubasa by chance and decide to mess with Yuu a bit because Fiji's thw actual worst. Tsubasa tries to fight him off while Yuu recovers from the whiplash of seeing him alive, but Doji's gotten much stronger since then and Tsubasa is struggling. I think Doji mocking what little understanding they used to have back in Metal Fusion would be enough to snap the Star Fragment into action. Flame Libra becomes Death Libra, because I think the complicated bey design suits Yuu since we all know how tactical he can be when he wants. (Seriously, just look at the wiki page. That Fusion Wheel is way more complex than I thought.)

Doji would eventually retreat once Yuu becaomes the legendary blader of Venus, because he knows that he has ruined aby chances he might have had of recruiting Yuu to their side, not that Yuu is stupid enough to fall for that a second time nor would he just abandon his friends for a guy like Doji.

I imagine that, since none of the legendary bladers side with the Nemesis cult this time, they would have some time to actually plan things since the cult wouldn't have the other Star Fragments to accelerate Nemesis's revival. They would, however, make the legendary balders fight the fodder enemies to gather energy for Nemesis once the protagonists do decide to attack their fortress. There would only be one battle since they would have had the time to actually plan stuff instead of speed running the preparation phase of the invasion. Ryuuga dies, Kenta gets the Star Fragment and they all play a role in the final battle instead of it being just Gingka eith the power of the whole world on his side.

Damn, this turned out longer than I thought it would. Sorry for basically writing out a fanfiction, but I figured that I should go forward with how things would change if I did change the main characters. Sorry!

#mfb #metal fight beyblade #beyblade metal fight #ask #i ain't tagging all these characters #i was thinking of choosing Hikaru for a position #but i like that she chose to do something else with her life and is actually content with it #plus she would probably be rusty after all this time #practice could fix that but still #she would play a more important role in organizing the search efforts #since everyone knows that she has more brain cells than Ryo #and would be more likely to believe her about an oncoming threat predicted based on legends and stories #anyway #thanks for the ask #I really enjoyed typing all this #but sorry about how long it got #so yeah #Metal Fury would be a lot less about bringing new characters and themes #and more about bringing a closure to the ones built up in the past two seasons #which i hope would give it a more “finale” feel

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