#the death of my mom

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[bizarrelittlemew]

Our Flag Means Death 2x8 | Zheng Yi Sao & Auntie <3

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #ofmdedit #ofmdsource #ofmd gifs #ida.stuff #ofmd 2x8 #zheng yi sao #this scene made me cry but i think it's because my mom is sick

[cardanality]

i love him so much you dont understand

#a date with death #i have like 300 screenshots of my gameplay #i love him #mom its true love #my art

[chaos-bringer-13]

I just told mom about some bits of Danny Phantom lore and it basically went like this:

Me: So, this kid goes into his mad scientists parents' portal, activates it, sorta dies and instantly resurrects as a half ghost.

Mom, terrified: Poor mother.

Me: Nah, his parents didn't actually notice, they're kinda negligent, too invested into their work.

Mom, more terrified: Poor children.

#danny phantom #this is how you react to being exposed to dp lore #she looked so ready to adopt danny and jazz that instant #kinda wanna write fanfiction with mom #she would write the best angst #and also amazing crack #she's good at death jokes and dark humour #how do i get my mother into phanfiction

[startreklesbian]

MONKEY MAN 2024, dir. Dev Patel

#monkeymanedit #filmedit #movieedit #filmgifs #devpateledit #monkey man #dev patel #mine #* #violence tw #gore tw #death tw #my mom looking away vs me watching this scene wide eyed

[bigfatbreak]

So! Which would Gabriel/Cockmoth prefer to deal with, between the two parents?

(My bet is 100% on Trauer Mantel)

they're sort of different problems tbh

#sabine is holding the vanily rings and nathalie's glasses btw #dad villain au #mom villain au #trauermantel #viceroy #my art #tom dupain cheng #sabine dupain cheng #would you rather be beaten to death by a truck with a hundred eyes #or watch your loved ones be kidnapped one by one by someone who talks like jigsaw

[anna-scribbles]

if the agrestes weren't rich i think that gabriel would be the normal one. like gabe's problem is that he stopped running into natural limits due to absurd wealth and his obsessive nature led him to develop some kind of god complex where he won't accept that anything is out of his control. I think that if gabe was broke again and just simply couldn't afford to go on an international goose chase for ancient magic artifacts of untold power, if he had to work a 9-5 to live and couldn't just disappear into his basement lair to commit domestic terrorism and say evil monologues to himself, then he would be way more normal. he'd just be some guy. he might even let himself have a mowhawk again. but I think that emilie would be way LESS normal if they weren't rich. like emilie needs so many people to be obsessed with her so much all the time in order for her to function. and gabe would still have his toxic codependent obsession with her, sure, but that wouldn't be nearly enough. emilie has to be at the center of the world's spotlight at all times because she doesn't know how to exist if she's not performing. anyway all this to say I am so certain that if the agrestes were not disgustingly wealthy, emilie agreste would one million percent be running a massive family vlogger youtube channel

#this post is sponsored by the version of emilie agreste who lives in my mind #in this scenario adrien still exists so maybe he's a normal baby somehow. but the important thing is that he's still exploited #this is just an exercise for me in thinking about how much of the agreste family dynamic you could preserve if they were middle class #how much wealth is an enabler of the terrible things happening in that house #but yeah agreste family vloggers au. I guess. #where adrien shows up at school and everybody knows him because his mom posted his potty training videos online and everything since #he has no secrets every milestone he's ever had has been packaged up and sold to the public #until he becomes chat noir of course. etc #oh god emilie would vlog her own death😭 help #get ready with me to die and haunt the narrative🤩 #ml #anna rambles #I wrote this because im not finishing my homework:(

[oldmanffucker]

Hey so wanna hear something devastating.

The costumer just causally dropped that the ring around Izzy’s cravat is his mother’s.

“He’s very sentimental, like he carries his mother’s ring around his scarf.” (X)

I’m on my friends porch in tears rn. Are you kidding me. Ms. Taylor was talking about Izzy’s drag look and just dropped that fact as if that wouldn’t rewire my entire brain chemistry.

#his mothers ring #his monrhwrs ring #my mom died less than 4 years ago so anything about mothers and sentimentality sends me to my knees #mommy kink truthers are about to feel so vindicated #ofmd #text post #izzy hands #I’m sick!!!! #our flag means death

[houseswife]

wilson saying “I need to do this. for you.” is fucking insane actually. in the same episode where house is deciding whether or not he should commit suicide as a result of wilson’s dying. They are each other’s lines between life and death. humans have a biological instinct to preserve their survival at all costs; house has an addiction that governs his life. but they were willing to forgo all of it for one another, because they couldn’t fathom it being any other way. IM SICK

#I know it’s fictional but there is nothing more meaningful and real than the desire to be loved by someone else more than anything #and it’s killing me #I was out by lac leman one day when I was seven when my mom told me that swans fly as high as possible #and fall to their deaths when their partner dies #and whether or not that’s true. it fundamentally changed my view of love tbh #my grandmother survived breast cancer for 10 years as well as covid #but died ONE DAY after losing the person she cared about most in this world #love transcends nature #and this show is a beautiful example of that #house md #greg house #gregory house #hatecrimes md #hilson #james wilson #house/wilson

[germultiple]

my take on the wifeys (and the malewife)

#they are so color coded to me #dungeons and daddies #dndads #carol wilson #samantha stampler #mercedes oak garcia #dndads morgan freeman #marco li wilson #veronica stampler #rebecca swallows #cassandra swift #less so my take and more so an amalgamation of everything ive seen ngl ngl #i wanted the s2 spouses to have a darker version of their respective family color but sorta swapped it for morgan and cassandra #as a nod to morgans death #also this post is dedicated to the one person that commented about carols white mom swagger on my last post #my art

[jaypentaghast]

we're getting the new Jim outfit on thursday and i may not survive

#the way that neckline opens sideways #please tell my mom i love her #they have a cool sword ok?? i would commit atrocities for them #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death s2 spoilers #vico ortiz #jim jimenez #mine

[roadstostray]

I don't know how insurance works and neither does he

#roadstostray #my art #Danny phantom #danny fenton #dp fanart #phan art #phanart #dp art #dp #hes gonna cash in good probably #or his parents will #btw mom and dad I'm dead #hope you got good insurance #congratulations you died here's a shitty little death certificate

[carlarte]

Oh, Hazel, look! The field! It’s covered with blood!’

Fiver is my favorite character in Watership Down, he's just like me fr. I was afraid this wouldn't read especifically as Fiver, but alas... i liked my initial sketch a lot so i kept it as it was.

#my art #digital art #artists on tumblr #watership down #so just to make this absolutely clear.. this is fiver XD not an attempt of a book cover #even tho it looks so much like many watership down covers tbh #i didnt even realize until i was actually googling images for reference that i found a lot of wd covers have a rabbits profile and the fiel #what a bummer #but i still like this a lot #everyone and their moms thought about the same thing i guess #me included #anyway FIVER MY BOY #I LOVE HIM HES JUST LIKE ME #IDK WHY EXACTLY BUT I RELATE TO HIM SO MUCH #its like 'yeah i also have visions of chaos and death and despair its called having anxiety and depression' #ok no forget that

[agentcricket-art]

finally watched the gay sk8 anime

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #skate the infinity #matcha blossom #matchablossom #sk8 joe #sk8 cherry #joe sk8 #cherry sk8 #sk8 kojiro #sk8 kaoru #i will never be over them referring to adam smashing people to death with a skateboard #a technique #peak comedy #also shout out to my mom #when i showed her this she assumed cherry was a woman #anime #my art #comic

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.

#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family #after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay #like girl you don’t understand it’s so bad #Jason wasn’t even fired as Robin #He’s not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce #He’s not trying to prove himself at all he’s just looking for his mom #The reason Bruce didn’t go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole #Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3 #Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less?? #He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette #Bruce literally went ‘wait here I’ll be right back’ and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store #and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him #Like besties I don’t know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have #Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma #Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens #That’s the tragedy. The drama. #Bruce couldn’t have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones #It was inevitable #Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind #batfam #batman #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #damian wayne #bruce wayne

[femmeconomics]

hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.

#i think we are very pleased with the idea of female shame #even among people who genuinely do not believe women are at fault for being assaulted #you are still meant to pay the penance of suffering and self destruction #god fucking knows why #“i got mugged” “aww don’t blame yourself for walking around with those fancy shoes and visible wallet okay? it’s not your fault” #you’d be like girl what. i didn’t fucking say it was my fault but your mind sure jumped there fast 🤨 #“my mom died” “wow. do you feel terrible crippling shame for everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life? #up to and including causing your mom’s death? because that would be totally wrong if you did” #like how could that possibly be an appropriate response #genuinely i think the feeling that i was going completely insane post-being raped because no one would believe i didn’t blame myself #was like. solidly half as traumatic as the actual event #like. it is okay not to feel guilty and shameful. it’s great actually. you’re not having the wrong response.