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charlieslowartsies · 6 months

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hellooo might i pester a director's cut of the dynamics about Suits of KGA? :>

Yeee ofc I shall do my best to explain this bc it is a weird concept but a fun one lmao

A few short comments to start: I had not quite hammered out the details and finalities of Suits until around Ghost Strings, and even that was near the end.

Nightmare's coveting of Fredbear pushed me to really cement the concept of Suits into place.

Fredbear is rare and an exception, he's incredibly powerful but burns through Souls and eats away at his Suit by accident. Even clever Marionette is unsure the specifics as to why Goldy is so devastatingly horrible without trying to be, but the lure of his abilities and powers draws many to wanting to have him for themselves, even if it will kill them. (Marion wonders if shards of Arthur and Henry are what changed Fredbear into what he is today.)

It became a 'thing' out of strange necessity when I asked myself 'what if Mike Schmidt made a "deal with the Devil"?' in that he agreed to protect the restaurant and Marion gave him Goldy. Mike Schmidt was always planned to hold onto Fredbear's spirit since the start of London Bridge.

The haunted, powerful and spooky powers of Suits was created to do two things for the kga plot: Explain the first game's cardinal rule of "no endos without an outer, protective casing" and explore further why Golden Freddy/Fredbear was more spirit/apparition than actual thing in the first game, and why he talked all jumbled up.

Mike Schmidt has been protecting/guarding the Remains of Fredbear's spirit as much as Goldy looks out for his Suit/the rest of the animatronics/the restaurant.

I had no plans to separate those two until around Last Shift/Security Breach was released...then Ideas Happened when I saw Glamrock Freddy >3

The baseline thing to remember with Suits in the KGA is: Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse.

OK now into deeper stuff:

In the diner, a 'suit' was originally just the straight forward idea of 'human wears animal mascot fur suit to entertain kiddos, and give the other Animatronic alongside them a guided force so their programming stayed on task.'

This carried into the Toy's restaurant, as they especially needed some human intervention to avoid wandering off during open hours. (The Toys were never haunted, never really given as much TLC by their coworkers, and developed differently than the older and possessed original four and the two original models.)

After the Crying Child started haunting the Marionette, William Afton noticed it and began trying to replicate what he called Reanimation. It didn't go as planned, obviously, as the Marionette was not human over night, and he didn't understand the concept and, of course, it was Wrong, to try and cheat death. His youngest was an angry, sad, and out of control spirit filled with anguish and wrath and unmoored. But he was powerful, and wanted his father's love even in death, and Marion's ability to Give Life started growing.

The Suit partnership involves one animatronic and one human soul. The easiest ones are, of course, a human dying and their Soul being anchored down into the Animatronic. It's both Blessing and Curse, sometimes leaning one way or the other depending on the two individuals fused together.

An Animatronic can survive after their human soul is allowed to move on to rest, but they retain the humanity they developed from their now lost Soul, even if they begin breaking down. The original four had AIs that were progressing along by the time Afton stuffed their children into them, small personalities that grew as the spirits of their kids took hold and clung to them for comfort/safety.

This is something I didn't explore/detail well and I wish I had back in Devil's Spine: Concerning the original four, they grew from Max's teachings but also grew due to the whims of their Souls.

Freddy's child was a little leader, wanting to protect and keep safe and be in charge. Chica's girl wanted comfort, wanted her mother, and Chica became very comforting, but fiercely protective and not afraid to show it. Bonnie's girl had her throat slit, she had no voice in death so Bonnie spoke for both of them, leading him to be chatty and pointed and animated.

Foxy had a teenager in him before the other 3 had their kids, and he tends to be the more independent thinker of the lot, often able to be more realistic and accept things out of his control, but prone to temper issues when he's hurting.

The deeper a bond that grows between the Animatronic and it's Soul, the stronger their powers. Sometimes the outer 'Suit' is the Animatronic, sometimes its the human. For example, Scraptrap is technically Max Afton's Suit, being the toughest and most protective outer shell. Mike Schmidt is Fredbear's Suit, as he's out more and Fredbear has no outer casing anymore to thrive in, as it rotted away years ago and was stripped for parts as mentioned in Lies Within.

But others in the story would call Max Scrap's 'Suit' as well, the term flip-flops as needed between the bond.

Mike and Goldy's bond is strong from power/force/intent on both their ends. Fredbear is old. And he's gotten Angry over the decades. Mike wanted nothing more than to Live, he didn't want his body and heart to give out on him before he was ready. He was so desperate to survive the nights, their bond kept him a walking dead man who passed for living so well, minus the two heartbeats.

Max and Scraptrap's bond is deep from years of Togetherness. Scraptrap had no personality programming, just a blank slate of an AI that was given to a dead kid who had lost his family, his home, and his life in one terrible year.

The Crying Child's flashlight can forcibly draw out Souls or even unravel Suits.

Suits develop in different ways that are unique to the bond, as seen by Mike and Gold being able to Switch, or Max and Scrap being able to both be functional at the same time with no issues to one another.

The Suits can be healthy or toxic partnerships, they're always codependent it just depends in what way, and what choices the Suits make.

Springtrap and William Afton being the biggest example of what goes wrong when a Suit's powers are used for evil/wrong-doing, obviously. Circus Baby and Henrietta being an example of an Animtronic swallowing a human Soul until nothing remains. Mike and Goldy being a case of "Everything's fine" and then it's discovered Mike has been dead for years. Max and Scrap being a showcase for attachment issues, Max willing to die (again) if he can't be with Scrap, and Scrap willing to murder without hesitancy if someone threatens Max (although thankfully by the time we meet him in Last Shift, he's clearly been taught otherwise.)

I think I've rambled enough ^^; its 1am and i gotta get some sleep lol

#kga #knight guard au #ask #answered #thank!#i hope this helped but im so tired so idk

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callmeahopelesscase · 8 months

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Thai BL Favourites Tag List Game

thank you @gaylittlepieceofsh1t for tagging me in this <33 (this was really fun to do, even if I overthought it and therefore took two weeks to finish it)

Favourite BL?

I’ll have to go with The Eclipse, no doubt. It’s honestly such a good show and also simply lives rent free in my head. It has such heart and such a caring approach to its story, themes and characters. It makes you genuinely think about the story it's telling and the characters you're following, about the situations they're in and the world and system that built them. + Its actors are doing fantastic work! (both main and side!!!!!)

The show is so worth it and if I could watch it for the first time again I would.

Favourite Pairing?

Right now it’s Kimchay!! (Porchay & Kim from Kinnporsche)

They’ve had my heart since they first met and they have not given it up yet (nor have they been gentle with it, though). They constantly make me wish we had seen more of them.

The bits we do get of their dynamic make them such a compelling duo, though! They’re fun and sweet and heartbreaking and at times, frustrating. They share a passion that easily connects them and in a way even pose as opposites to each other - with Chay’s openness doing its best to break down Kim’s walls. You could say they both don’t quite get what they expected from meeting each other (bc while Chay meets his idol he also learns that there is much more to Kim, not all of it good & Kim doesn’t really get the information he was looking for, but he does get his heart stolen) and sure, they don't have it easy considering their different motivations, their fallout and also the influence of the overall plot on them - but they just work together yk!! They’ll figure it out with enough time on their side!!!! (holding myself back from rambling on any more about them bc otherwise this would get waaaay too long)

Favourite (main) Character?

Akk Pipitphattana (The Eclipse)

Akk is many things - serious and scared being only two of them, perhaps the easiest to pick up on at the beginning of the show. Once you get to know him a bit more - he's genuine and kind of funny, warm-hearted and so determined, loyal to a fault too. First and foremost however, he's someone that's just learning himself - both again and for the very first time over the course of the story and through his interactions with Ayan and the world around him and through the confrontation with his own mistakes and fears. He meets himself and doesnt like what he sees at first - and that's something so so human.

Akk as a character touched me so much and in a way, it was too easy to understand him. His struggles, fears and doubts. His guilt and shame. His journey over the course of the show is so important to me on just a personal level and he as a person is someone I hold very dear. It's also relevant to mention that First really excels at his role.

(It did halfway kill me to pick a favourite by the way bc I'm really bad at it? But he's who I just keep coming back to.)

Favourite Side Character?

I'm going to have to give multiple answers for this, I just have to.

1. Porchay Kittisawat (Kinnporsche)

I just love him so much, ok. If I tried to explain all the reasons why we would be here for days & we don't have that kind of time, rn. So summed up? Chay as a character is so warm. He's passionate and compassionate. He cares deeply about the people in his life and he's a little bit no-nonsense - especially in his pursuit of things he wants (music, for Porsche to be safe & happy, Kim) - and appreciates honesty. He's quite smart, even if he can seem naive at first look. He's emotionally intelligent!! He's got a dream and he holds onto the things he wants as much as he can! With an overall rather positive attitude (not to be mistaken for simple naivety) he's a little bit like sunshine. He's a delight. I want only the best for him!! (he gets his heart broken 😔😐)

2. Manaow (Until we meet again/ Between Us)

My dearest girl!! She's such a lovely and supportive person!! She's quite funny and also just so genuine. Shy at times but also so bold about other things. I want her to achieve her dreams!! & honestly I would simply love to be her friend.

Favourite Scene?

I've overthought this so much bc it's just hard to decide, but I will settle on the hospital-hug scene in ep 10 of My School President bc there's just something about it yk. Gun is so relieved to see Tinn, who’s so fondly surprised by it. It makes my heart ache. (consider this gifset of the scene)

(secret second answer: episode 12 pool scene from The Eclipse of Ayan comforting Akk, it's so so important to me)

Favourite Line?

I'm not usually one to remember specific lines but one I do think about often is, as many things on this list, from The Eclipse.

“Once you say you care about other people's feelings, it means you are disregarding your own.” (Ayan to Akk, episode 6)

It's something both Akk and I really need to hear, bc as obvious as its message seems - it’s kind of hard to learn from experience. Prioritising other people's feelings has its place and time, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of yourself and getting caught up in attempting to live up to expectations will inevitably hurt you. (somebody should have cradled my face and told me that at 15 tbh but I didn't have an Ayan around, I'm glad Akk does.)

Underrated Actor?

I'm going to honestly say that I don't have good enough of a grasp on what's up to be able to give an opinion on that. Mainly bc I haven't seen that much and also bc I just tend to not involve myself much with actors.

Most anticipated QL?

Easy: 23. 5 Degrees!!! I'm so excited for this!!!!! It just looks so cute?? I’m more or less patiently waiting for this. Just look at them!! I love them already.

Healthiest relationship in a BL?

Going with Tinngun (My School President) , because from the ones I've seen, they just are. They give each other room and are so genuine and honest about their feelings and what's going on with them and are so so supportive of each other and I really appreciate that. I wish them all the best.

Most toxic?

I honestly haven’t seen enough to be able to make a choice for that? so I‘ll have to leave this free. But i'll proably stumble across an answer sometime soon.

Guilty Pleasure?

I don't have one mainly because I've just not seen enough, but I'd like to! because I think it's important to just enjoy things instead of always looking for them to be ‘good’.

_____

tagging @scattered-stardust if you feel like doing this!

#tag game #I absolutely overthought this but yk.#I do aspire to one day have answers for the stuff I had to leave open! It will happen

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funderberker-thefrog · 2 years

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It's almost 3am and I can't sleep so I have decided to give y'all an update of my Hollow Knight playthrough (please don't spoil anything to me or anything I'll cry). I've advanced a lot since the last time I posted (I think I was barely on False Knight/Hornet back then) but I still feel like there's a lot more to go oof.

I've got the dream nail and I am close to the first 100 essence the guy told me to collect! yay!

Myla is infected:( She didn't attack me last time I checked up on her, but I'll just leave her be. I hope you're better soon my friend.

I love the Mantis Lords. As in, I had a hard time (even though I didn't try them right after getting the mantis claw bc I couldn't get through the platforming – which i got quite easily later), specially when they threw the blade thingy at me with the lower pattern, but i like the guys a lot. Their theme was neat and idk i think they're pretty cool guys and I love that they've accepted me. I wish I could dream nail them, like I guess I technically could've done that during the fight but I was busy, uh, trying to not get killed and stuff.

Easiest (took me the least tries) bosses so far: Gruzzmother (fun fact, I actually beat her before the false knight! i as super lost since i didn't have the compass and ended up there by chance), Dung defender (funny guy. also, why does dung need to be defended? maybe I'll never know), Broken Vessel and the Fluke thingy.

I have rescued a little over half of the grubs! I love the happy noise they make when they see me coming to the rescue and also when I go visit them! My precious little things. Also, I have lots of charms now, according to Salubra there's only 15 more to go and I'll have her blessing. Additionally, I've upgraded my nail twice already:)

The deepnest was wild lmao. As in, I love creepy stuff so I loved it but like it also made my skin crawl i guess, specially the noises the bugs do when they "come back" to life thanks to the parasite stuff (I have the Hunter's diary btw!!). Really an interesting place and I saved Zote down there, too:D Oh and I met the Midwife?, except I never actually talked to her bc I reflex hit her and later had to google "hollow mask deepnest masked character from the walls".

As another fun fact, I found Nosk earlier today. Like, technically I just got to Kindom's Edge recently, but I went back bc I wanted to review certain areas and things I had marked on my map bc I found them funny (to see if I could investigate now that I have more abilities).

So, I find the breakable wall and I try to explore as much of the area. Eventually I reach the part in which I start seeing myself and I just kept going. It was definitely eerie (which I love) but as I was trying to find my way around, I was a bit afraid thinking something along the notes of "This other me scares me a little, I feel like at some point I will actually run into him and he's going to absolutely fucking wreck me". And I swear I had no idea if that was really where the whole thing was going (I've just played enough videogames to distrust shadow/clone selves) but yeah. that's exactly what happened😭 I didn't really try to beat him, though. I decided to just keep him in mind for later.

And, oh, I found the Godhome, too? But I just looked around a little (there where things marking the bosses I have defeated) and decided to go back bc I had a big big feeling I'm not supposed to be there yet.

At last, I finally rescued Bretta!! I had seen her from afar before but i didn't have the means to reach her yet. After some battling with the later section of the platforming, I finally got to meet her and I love her!!! And she's??? got a crush on me????? I'm. She's so cute. If I sit on the bench beside her at dirtmouth she blushes. blushes¡!!!!! And I read her thoughts and she's like oh my saviour besides me. And I go to her room and there's a plushie of me and and the written story. She's adorable I wanna hug her so bad:(

And I feel like that's all, perhaps? I woke up a dreamer at the distant village and the crossroad is infected now but that's it. anyways. I feel like i might be able to finally sleep after this:)

#hollow knight #greenpath #fungal wastes #city of tears #dung defender #mantis lords #hornet #Gruzzmother #salubra #bretta #deepnest #nosk #grubs #grubfather

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sithprincex · 2 months

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just fucking tried to have a conversation about the state of the world being awful and how it's really affecting my mental health with my mom

which was a mistake

she automatically went to her liberal fucking bullshit trying to not talk about the genocide in gaza and i wasn't even really trying to have a convo about the genocide in gaza in general. just how the state of the world is making me feel like dying. like suicidal thoughts shit.

and she focused on the fact that i brought it up, which i try not to bc she gets fucking shitty and i don't wanna deal with her stupid bullshit

but now she got stupid with me and now i just want to throw myself off the top of my apartment building.

she sent me a text saying 'i don't want a response please. i don't talk about politics with anyone anymore. so please don't anymore with me." and i literally couldn't decide if i wanted to cry or scream.

so i told her how i was reaching out bc i was suicidal. and her response was "oh well great. add that to the list of why i'm a horrible mother." and my response was "oh stfu and stop making me reaching out bc i'm SUICIDAL all about you being a horrible mother."

i'm so tired of her making everything about her when i'm fucking struggling. when i contemplate killing myself in the easiest way possible so i cause as little trouble as possible.

but i'm too fucking much a bitch to follow through for a third attempt.

sometimes i just wish i had a normal mom and normal brain.

#shut up luna #cw sui thoughts

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iggysmice · 1 year

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Fun story! long though, so here's a readmore:

So on Saturday (3/11) I was woken up by my dad telling me I was going to the grocery store with him bc my dad is a fan of communal suffering and also doesn't always like shopping alone.

Why didn't he ask my brother? I don't know, i think its because i tend to be more okay with being woken up and taken somewhere. I can just roll out of bed, run my hand thru my hair so it sticks up in a more organized fashion, and go. its the PNW, nobody cares if you're at a store in pajamas, and in fact it makes sense to most of us bc like, why wouldn't you want to be comfy while running errands? We also tend to wear lounging clothes to travel for similar reasons.

along the way we pick up my buddy venus who lives down the road which is kind of hilarious because she also lived down the road from me when we were growing up. she has to get groceries too and does not have a car right now so my dad helps her out with rides because we live close.

why do i live with my parents at 25? the economy is in shambles and also it's more viable while I'm in school because i dont also have to try and work full time bc i live in a 4 person household so collectively we manage better than we might alone. I am also very autistic and need my mom a lot.

either way i wandered around the store for a while and then we drove back to venus's apartment. She lives on the 3rd floor and this is the kind of apartments that have homeless people smoking meth in the stairwells and sleeping in the halls to be out of the rain so there is not an elevator. actually, the easiest route to her specific apartment is currently blocked because they're doing construction on the walkway. the rumor is that the aforementioned homeless meth users started a fire that compromised the integrity of the wooden walkway. unclear if it happened on purpose and i could see it going either way- homeless people here often have camp stoves they light to keep warm at night because it's not warm here, if one was on meth or otherwise distracted one might knock over the camp stove on accident. one under the influence of substances may also just like, Decide to start a fire.

all this to say i had a long way and three flights of stairs to go to help my friend carry her groceries. at no point did i feel like i was overextending or hurting myself.

that evening my left boob started hurting. This happens sometimes, boob havers all know it to be true, but id just gotten a birth control shot on Thursday and i was late so my hormones were fucky and like, blood clots from messing with those hormones can hurt or kill even young boob havers, so i was a little concerned. i also get HS abscesses on my boobs once in a while which I am going to use as an argument as to why my insurance should cover top surgery someday. i say "boob haver" because its very funny and inclusive phrasing not everyone with them is a woman, even my gender is more "lesbian" than anything else.

so i took some tylenol and monitored the boob. the pain seemed manageable through sunday, but when i woke up on monday, oh boy...

i get abscesses a lot, and they're usually close to the surface and fast growing- very painful as it pushes aside all the structures in your skin and wrecks the tissue. i was once asked if there's any like, feeling of relief when one drains because the pressure is gone and i answered that it hurts too much for me to sense any pressure changes and mostly i just feel relieved that its draining the nasty stuff out because that means its going to start to heal, theres no physical sensation.

the pain and spasms in my boob on sunday were getting to be comparable to that. i figured id sleep and being still would help and id feel better in the morning.

monday morning it was worse. the spasms under my boob felt like i was being stabbed or the breast itself was being pulled violently off of me. it was bad when i sat down but it was intolerable when i stood or breathed deeply.

at this point you might think "kodi, hospital" and i did in fact decide to go to a walk in clinic. for people who arent sure what the differencr between a walk in clinic and a doctors clinic is, there are basically three levels of care, at least in my area of the US.

If you can wait a week, you should make an appointment with your doctor at their office or clinic. This is for things like a cough that isn't impeding you but it's weird it won't go away, or to get a flu shot. If you can wait several hours or even a full day, an urgent care or walk in clinic is ideal. These offer same day care and often large enough doctors offices will also have walk in hours so that even in a moderate emergency you can come to your regular office, which helps when you're hurt or sick. This is the level I sought. If you can't wait at all, like you are diabetic and can't control your blood sugar for some reason, go to the emergency room. ERs are 24hr and usually at large hospitals. you want to go there if you are having appendix pain or have broken a bone. If you won't survive long enough for the car ride to the ER, that's when you call an ambulance. You probably won't be the one who does this.

Anyway, i went to the urgent care at my doctors office. i called my grandma to take me because my dad was at work and i was not going to walk to a bus stop or get in an uber in the state i was in. plus, i just don't like taking ubers because as a tiny little woman, at least externally, you don't generally get into a car with a stranger, so it feels weird to do on purpose.

The reception said there was 9 people waiting ahead of me. i resigned to my fate (sitting in a waiting room in pain all day) and curled up in a chair, supporting my poor boob as much as i could to alleviate the pain. my best guess is that because my check in said i was there for "chest pain on the left side" they prioritized me a little in case i happened to be having a heart attack and they had to call 911 because i was only curled up there for like half an hour. maybe longer. i had not slept and so i sort of took advantage of my positional pain relief in the chair and had a catnap.

they took blood from me and did an ekg, to make sure it wasn't the heart. id been hurting for about three days now and told everyone "if it was my heart id probably just be dead after this long."

The doctor's best guess is that i sprained my pectoral muscle, probably when i was helping venus carry things, because sprains can have a delayed pain response like that. he did also say "since you didn't fall and you don't lift weights i'm not sure how you injured yourself that way" so put that in the pile of Times I Have Confused Medical Professionals With A Condition alongside all the completely asymptomatic sinus infections i got as a child and the extremely linger-y cough i had after a flu as a teenager.

anyway i got a bunch of medication to help me be able to sleep and while it makes me a little loopy, its better than the amount of pain i was in.

#iggy rambles nonsense #injury discussing cw #not that graphic tho i did not bleed im in pain bc of swelling not like grevious harm

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eggcats · 1 year

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one thing that gets me is that the more "high tech" ghost hunting equipment I see, the more "proof" I'm given, the more im positive it's almost entirely bullshit, I just become more of a shaniac the more "evidence" I see

which is an insane take from someone who's had legitimate experiences I can't explain (which isn't to say there ISN'T an explanation, but other than it being possible mental illness and occasional hallucinations, I don't know what it could be other than possibly paranormal)

I should be the easiest motherfucker to fool how did we even get to this point

And yet? Any time anyone tells ME anything I'm immediately like have you checked your carbon monoxide detector? Is the building structurally sound?, bc if it's not that also causes hallucinations. It's just a spec of dust or the house shifting or sleep paralysis or etc. I barely believe MY OWN experiences.

Ghosts aren't scary, y'know what is? Someone secretly living in your house. Any random who decides they wanna kill you. Living people. Ghosts are just invisible freeloaders who don't pay rent (assuming they even exist). They can't just stab me in the middle of the night like a human can.

(I've actually had some scary sleep paralysis experiences too but those I'm aware of what that is. Didn't make them any less scary tho.)

(long list of experiences after the readmore. I'm honestly making this post more so I can just talk about them tbh)

I've had:

moving shadows in my house

one was a full grown man shape, about 6+ feet tall running down the hallway that I could see from my bedroom. I just went "huh. Not my problem." And went back to listening to my radio

another was like, a huge tail-like shape just fucking swinging on the wall when I walked into the desk room at like 3am, and I even checked the light switch to make sure it wasn't causing a weird shadow, it wasn't, there wasn't anything that could have caused it (also the shadow was like, pitch black) so then I was like "huh. Not dealing with that" and turned out the light, turned around, walked down the hallway to my bedroom and climbed into my bed and went to sleep

saw literal floating orbs MORE THAN ONCE

one was on Halloween when my friends and I were hanging out at a graveyard (a moving floating orange one)

the other way me walking downstairs at night and hitting/walking into this huge bright blue blinding light that disappeared once I turned a real light on

had stuff constantly changing positions in my room

(that I explicitly asked my mom if she moved, the only person to enter my room other than me, and she was like "no? why would I do that?")

- one was a fucking nesting doll that KEPT TURNING AROUND TO FACE ME DESPITE ME FACING IT TO THE WALL WHENEVER I NOTICED IT MOVED...I kept it bc my aunt bought it for me from China so it was special even if it was possessed.

Sidenote: my brain HATES anything human-like with eyes, I will become CONVINCED it's following me I cannot handle the uncanny valley of it. That's only related bc that's the only reason I regularly turned it around, I didn't want it looking at me.

another memorable one was my huge cardboard dragon model that somehow got in my loft bed from my bookshelf, a feat it could absolutely not have gotten there without help

had some presence enter my college dorm room when I had a dorm to myself, and y'know how you can kind of feel when people walk behind you? I felt that as I was napping before class, and like I said, my roommate had moved out absolutely no one had keys to my room and it startled me enough it straight up woke me up. I think I had a few other experiences, but that was the most notable one

one time my cat woke me up bc he was chirping intently at the corner of a wall at like 2am. I looked. There was nothing there. So I sat down and looked at it and went "hey it's 2am can you stop bothering my cat so I can sleep?" and then suddenly my cat calmed down. So I went back to sleep.

more than once I'd turn off the kitchen light and I'd HEAR the light switch hit and it'd turn back on. likely faulty wiring but it was freaky to turn the lights off, sit down, and have them turn back on

I couldn't take a NAP on the beanbag chair under my bed without it feeling like something was grabbing me from my body

whenever I'd force myself back into myself (one time I straight up heard a voice go "you NEED to wake up" before I even could do so), and wake up FREAKED OUT, I'd be hit with this sense of "oh it was fine, you're So Tired go back to sleep" that just didn't feel natural, like it wasn't coming from me and was overpowering my actual reaction

Like, I'd suddenly feel exhausted (almost unnaturally so?) where if I didn't force myself to get up off the floor RIGHT THEN, I'd go right back to this half-asleep state and the feeling of being forced from by body would be much quicker this time

It felt like a kind of full-body tingle on the places I'd be yanked from by body, except it wasn't my arm going to sleep or anything bc it'd be on the side I Wasn't sleeping on, and would progressively get further down the more I was yanked

(if I was actually tired and fell legitimately asleep nothing happened, so I'd only sleep on the beanbag chair under my bed when I wanted to nap for a few hours, and not just doze)

Speaking of that spot - more than once I've heard a noise from there that I couldn't identify the cause of. It's possible I had some auditory hallucinations, but considering everything else it'd freak me out to hear a voice or a knock or something that like, was intentional and I couldn't identify what caused it.

I only had the "removed from my body" IN my bed once but it was way scarier

I was snoozing/relaxing during summer break late morning in bed, reading Shonen Jump, and got hit with such exhaustion that I suddenly couldn't stay awake - like, I Was fine a second ago, and now suddenly I'm almost passed out, can barely keep my eyes open

So I was like, okay I'll go back to sleep. And then???? I hear someone washing their hands in the bathroom down the hall??? And THEN I hear them walk down the hall towards my room, and the entire time I hear the approach I'm hit with an overwhelming sense of fear/dread - like I knew somehow it wasn't an intruder, but instead something paranormal? In a way I knew my only defense was to pretend I was still asleep

And suddenly I feel something grab me and lift me directly up into the air, and then forward, like incredibly fast?

(and listen, I was like an early teenager filled with indoctrination. I thought this was the second coming. I started praying, lmao. But! It seemed to have worked bc suddenly the thing dragging me moved SO MUCH MORE QUICKLY and I'm fucking DROPPED back into my body. Like, I legitimately think I moved when I re-entered it was so violent)

And I KNOW y'all are going to say I was asleep or something, but listen. I was absolutely awake. It was a CONSCIOUS EFFORT on my end to keep my eyes closed and PRETEND I was still asleep. I straight up waited a few minutes after I got back into my body before opening my eyes I was so freaked. I did NOT want to see whatever it was and I didn't want IT to know I was conscious.

I straight up agreed to go with my aunt and grandma to go swimming like they wanted me to. And I absolutely hated doing stuff like that. It just scared me so badly I didn't want to be home alone anymore.

and is, to THIS DAY, convinced my cat was possessed by something that I had to exorcise

listen. I know it sounds insane. Trust me. My cat's eyes were pitch black (not normal night cat eyes, like pure black), he glared at me in a "is THAT the best you can do" way when I flicked him on the nose for biting me, he bit me when I petted him (he does NOT bite unless you're handing him treats), and then when I "exorcised" it bc I was pissed it DARED to mess with my cat he was so exhausted he snuggled with me near my chest for about 10 minutes, and he HATES sleeping there (after he moved back to my feet where he normally sleeps)

If I had another explanation I'd give you one.

I should be susceptible to this shit, and yet you show me the ovilus and I'm like cool that's a scam

#in rambling but still #HOW DO I BARELY BELIEVE IN GHOSTS IM PRIME BELIEVER TERRITORY #long post #i feel like that comic relief character that's being haunted and there's so much evidence and they refuse to believe in ghosts #how did i see moving shadows and exorcised my cat and am still like yeah it's all bullshit #like ill agree that there's stuff i don't know #but at least 99% of evidence or experiences are bs #ill accept that 1% but honestly rather than ghosts its probably just science we dont understand yet #like all of human history

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femmefreddie · 4 years

Text

sometimes i get so tempted to just remake all my social medias tbh and just tell my close friends and no one else?? and idk where that urge even comes from, especially right now, because it’s not like i’m really trying to leave behind old versions of myself or something anymore?? it’s just !

#may 4th edit bc i made this draft a couple days ago(?): im the worst omg i just made a new tunglr for poetry and literature n positivity #even though i literally have a positivity blog! even though its kind of dead and a sideblog 🥺 aaaaa #chatter #i feel like i can be a person of extremes?? like i'm very hyper emotional and sensitive to things and changes in good and bad ways #but that also means with things like socials i get .. not bored necessarily but just it becomes so monotonous which #i mean that's the same as being bored but idk !! i chased that idea of reinventing myself so much to kind of kill off who i used to be #so now i'm wondering why i still want to do that when i'm pretty happy with who i am currently #hm !!!!!!! stuff to think about !#i'd never delete my accounts though tbh #i'll probably end up remaking my twitter that's the easiest one for me to start over with bc i was never super active to begin with #my yt channel is ??? EH it's there i'll probably unlist everything that isnt the queen crack but again i'd never delete anything #i regret deleting a lot of my old animation videos so much because i remember them but i can never see them again which is sad #but well i'm moving on and growing and idk what i'm growing FROM rn but!!!!!!!! rambleramble

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vermillioncrown · 3 years

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thoughts on reverse transmigration with dbd characters?

many thoughts.

usually the love interest is reverse-transmigrated so... who?

what age are you bringing these people over?

is zyx going back to their modern first life? or do they know zyx but this life's zyx doesn't know them?

is this crack or is this semi-serious?

are they coming full-on 'i got lost from dragon con' or 'i'm a classmate that woke up with a whole 'nother life that i just remembered'?

if there is any iteration that modern-day zyx has to house more than one motherfucker. ANon. my guy. good, dear anon

why? zyx (i) is a poor grad student, floating above poverty line but one incident away from eating shit at all times. zyx (i) could ask their parents to help but what the fuck no they'd kill me

how do you even begin explaining anything

modern-day zyx (okay it's fucking me) i am beholden to so many people, that if even one fucking dude shows up i will have to explain myself to a minimum of eight people within three hours of the transmigrator making contact.

there's no room in my apartment. even pre-quarantine, it's a tight 3.5 people (3 + cat + friend who really really liked roommate #2 and basically lived w us) and only 1.5 bathrooms.

i'm gonna have to feed them. i love feeding people but on my terms and on my schedule only

the main inside joke of that time, between my friends, was '____ okay, then; pay rent'. how are they gonna pay rent???

if you're making zyx transfer back to their life after going through even a bit of their second life, congrats that's it you broke 'em. no longer a functional being.

(y'know, i always held a morbid curiosity of what happens after to the teens that become heroes; when they finish the hero's journey and need to come back to society. it must feel like living in a parallel dimension, like a ghost.)

also you're bringing the new love interest transmigrator along. into a place where i already have emotional ties, a partner, and a life we're building. like those romcom films where old quirky love interest breaks up long-time couple, it sucks for the collateral.

transmigrator lover-boy/girl, even if zyx has gotten as far as getting together with them in xianxia hell, if zyx wants to keep their mind intact: no more love.

the only way this won't be painful is if dbd zyx doesn't come over, but transmigrator does. they need to find the zyx equivalent and survive/whatever quest for a duration before they can return.

upon meeting zyx irl, zyx receives untraceable bank transfers that cover boarding this mf. they need to convince zyx (and her bf, and her roommates, and her friends, and her cat) to let them stay.

(dude, what the hell i'm fucking almost 30 i don't want to deal with no fucking teenybopper i got shit to do)

(i cannot imagine a dbd character around my age transmigrating that's happy, unless it's post-dbd if dbd isn't too bittersweet; thus i keep imagining teen/young adult transmigrator(s))

(or dbd zyx co-piloting modern zyx body to help, and will eventually leave)

OH FUCK THE LANGUAGE BARRIER

bro. 我的普通话很普通 okay??? even worse than that.

we'd be google translating shit this whole fucking time

is this a reverse-transmigration where mdzs will exist for them to see? that's ultra-messy. vetoed.

pre-quarantine i was at the lab for most of the day... and still taking classes. they can't tag along for work bc it's personnel-controlled based on clearance, and i can't protect them from being called on in a grad-level lecture. where do i put them??? Do they play video games at home?

do i have to work from home earlier than 2020?

you know, the easiest person to put up with is mianmian. and/or wen qing.

they'll really cut into my gym time

(in a very far-off extra post-possible-wangxian-ot3, this is a temporary scenario via the dream incense.

you know how the first incense extra was about lwj opening up to wwx, humanizing him, assuaging his deepest desires/worst fears?)

Her nose wrinkles and expression turns disdainful, as it always does when something was perceived odious. The scent?

Wei Ying discreetly sniffs the incense burner. Perhaps due to it not being the customary sandalwood they both have grown used to, within the Jingshi?

Zhu Lin is oddly sensitive to things as such.

"Unfortunately, this one has some records to peruse," she said, grabbing Lan Zhan's zhongyi and waiyi to quickly cover up and head towards the library. No one would bother stopping either of Hanguang-Jun's special guests. "Enjoy the night," she adds, fingers dance across Wei Ying's jaw, an appreciative stare over Lan Zhan's form and a small uptick of the mouth, before leaving.

Still so modest, Wei Ying smiles and briefly holds where she touched, who could have imagined? He turns his attention from the door to Lan Zhan, whose eyes' gleam intensify with the light of the rising moon. Wei Ying sets the incense burner down and saunters over to his half-dressed lover, letting his red hair ribbon fall like a caress down his body.

Despite their third being absent, it does not preclude the remaining pair from activities.

When they wake, it is to discover that they fell asleep between further disrobing and settling on the bed while kissing. There is nothing to lament - both Wei Ying and Lan Zhan were thoroughly undone within their shared dream, satisfied in all ways. It is a first that both he and Lan Zhan awaken at the same time - at the hour of compromise between their usual habits.

Lan Zhan's eyes blink, and Wei Ying can see his mind rubbed raw and tender. He grabs his hands with reassurance, and Lan Zhan slowly tightens the grip in security and affection.

Zhu Lin is still reading her records in the library, annotating in another notebook simultaneously. She makes a noise of acknowledgment when Wei Ying announces that a late breakfast (or early lunch) will be in the Jingshi.

"Almost done," she mumbles, her speech turning casual in midst of concentration, "I will likely take a nap after. In a bit, A-Ying."

"Don't let it get cold, okay?"

"Mhhm." A glare at the book. "Fuckin - ..." her mumbles become incomprehensible.

Both he and Lan Zhan have appointments, and it is not until the sun is halfway to the horizon that they have an opportunity to check on Zhu Lin in the Jingshi.

She lays not on the bed, but on the floor in front of the table and curled under the borrowed robes of last night. Lunch has been picked clean. Lan Zhan hurries to their third's side, driven by the sight and the immensity of his sentiment.

"Ah, don't move her - you know she's comfortable there," Wei Ying laughs. He settles down next to her form, legs stretching out.

Lan Zhan sighs and pulls the thickest layer higher on Zhu Lin's shoulder. "I know." And then he freezes while looking around the room. "The incense burner -"

It was still burning. Rather, likely the disciple delivering their meal saw the incense reached its end, and decided to replace it.

What an opportunity! Wei Ying catches Lan Zhan's eyes, and their thoughts are as one, as always.

Wei Ying sees Lan Zhan before anything else. There is nothing else to see.

"As Zhu Lin has said, many years ago, 'those who tell tales usually have no actions to speak for them'," he starts with relish.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan admonishes without true reproach.

"Passion hides within the admired but secretive Zhu-gongzi," Wei Ying continues, "like my Lan-er-gege. Shall we wager to what depths?"

Lan Zhan does not respond, but Wei Ying can feel the heat radiating from him. His earlobes have flushed as though they were plucked until bruised. "She..."

The dreamscape materializes in front of them.

It... is an alien one. Gray, smooth expanse - stone-like yet shaped unlike stone. It paves the surrounding land. Neat buildings of wood and translucent glass sit before them, imposing in their regularity. Beyond that, the dreamscape is unformed.

No one is around, but it was the same with Wei Ying's dreams - until they found their counterparts.

A single door opens.

Lan Zhan turns a glance at him, and Wei Ying answers the silent question by following barely a step behind.

The inside of the building is no less puzzling. Dim from the curtains, but not derelict. Compact, packed, and Wei Ying can start to guess at the furnishings. Some of them, he amends, seeing an obsidian-black slab that reflects a warped image of the two in the entranceway.

"A dwelling," Lan Zhan says. "A residence."

"We barely saw Shuangfeng that discussion conference, didn't we?" Wei Ying thinks out loud. "And Zhu Lin has never mentioned her clan's estate."

They both mull it over, and while there is not an answer more probable -

It is a curious place. Still devoid of others as they wander its modest space. A room takes on an odd violet glow, and when they peek inside it is a room of porcelain and small potted plants.

A mirror, polished crystal and glass, shows their wide-eyed stares directed right back.

It starts to become unsettling. There is another landing in this dwelling, and they walk up the floors with woolen texture, hearing wood creak below. Another violet room, larger and a recessed basin - some sort of washroom, then.

Two doors stand closed on either side of them.

One door is locked, no matter how Wei Ying tries to coax it. The second one gives with a gentle push. It is a personal suite. Shadows dance from the sunlight streaming in.

"It's a bit cramped, isn't it?" Wei Ying comments, looking around.

"Workspace," Lan Zhan points out. "Not unlike Wei Ying's."

It holds truth. The room is packed with shelves along most of the walls, furnished densely. Bits of clothing draped for airing, bursting full wardrobes, and tables seated with strange black chairs that cannot be anything but workspaces. One table holds a plethora of little figurines, the details on them intricate and their coloring done so finely. Another obsidian-like slab on the table. Brushes more fine than the most delicate of calligraphy brushes, small pots of pigment haphazardly arranged.

The second table, which Wei Ying nearly missed but Lan Zhan inspects first, is covered with the same reflective slabs. Small ornaments litter the tiered surface of this table, all variety of implements and tools. The lower tier is stacked with papers precariously, impressive in their snow-white color and sharp, crisp forms. Upon them, there is writing and diagrams so esoteric that Wei Ying cannot begin to guess at their contents.

"... looks familiar, despite -" Lan Zhan picks up one of the papers. "If this residence is Zhu Lin's, then this must be her work."

"So diligent!" He can see the same pattern with how her strokes linger and drag, but the emphasis is on utility and speed. "Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan - did you pick up more than naughty words from our Zhu Lin?"

"Ridiculous," Lan Zhan responds, but again there is no heat and the earlobes reveal all. He sets the paper back down neatly.

"She's always been like this, then?" Wei Ying laughs fondly.

They turn their attention to the final section of the room. An opaque canopy flutters from the window breeze, shielding whatever is behind it from view.

"Shall you? Or shall I?" Wei Ying drawls, his heart beating with anticipation. Likely, the fun will begin here.

Lan Zhan is no less eager than he, and reaches one hand to sweep aside the curtain.

A woman lies on the bed behind the curtains. Lan Zhan nearly flinches back from the immodest state of dress, and Wei Ying himself has to steady his breathing and hold the apology on his tongue.

Fabric so thin, wrapped around flesh so obscenely, even walking out with one's inner robes would be more polite. He averts his gaze. Short trousers, barely a loincloth at this point, cover this woman's lower half. Healthy in form, well-proportioned, skin the color of diluted honey.

She is alive. She breathes. She is part of the dream.

She is asleep. Her hair - long and unruly, vibrantly colored like everything else in this dreamscape, black blending to a flushed pink like blossoms on a branch - obscures her features. Slim hands, slender fingers tangle in the pink strands like another curtain pulled shut for privacy.

Wei Ying can make out the glint of precious metal on the one exposed ear, and near her mouth.

Through these observations, she continues to sleep, languid and curled like a large tiger.

"You two."

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan turn, the surprise of someone living in this almost-unmoving dream jolting them into awareness.

Zhu Lin stands before them, dressed in Lan Zhan's robes like last night. Wei Ying is about to call out a greeting, but -

Her expression is blank. No warmth, no sly smile. Eyes watchful, posture yielding the pretense of being casual while leaning against the doorframe.

He can feel Lan Zhan tense next to him. Lan Zhan has always been more perceptive of the nuances in Zhu Lin's moods.

"This one must ask you two to step away from that woman."

Because Lan Zhan's hold on his wrist grows taut, Wei Ying does not argue and moves with Lan Zhan.

Given space in the cramped room, Zhu Lin walks over towards the bed. The few steps she takes are measured, restrained, but in a way that Wei Ying cannot help thinking she wants nothing more than to dart over.

She reaches the bed. They cannot see her expression from behind, as she stares down at the woman for a while.

Finally, she pulls the curtains shut.

"... who is she?" Lan Zhan dares to ask in the heavy silence.

"Lan-er-gongzi, is it not obvious?" Zhu Lin turns around. Her face holds the terrible smile she only puts on when forced into a fight she must desperately win.

"That is me."

#zyx au's #mdzyx #RT au #on mrts #on dbd #Anonymous #inquiry #dbd what if #my defining trait is getting stressed about things that aren't even happening #i'm too practical for reverse-transmigration #you can go feed a bunch of teenagers on a shit salary and get back to me on that #if i had to house zhou le i'd be twisting that mf's ear #wait can i claim them as dependents for my tax refund???#enjoy the whatever this is #zyx will have to be dragged kicking and screaming into being known

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mira--mira · 3 years

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Hi! I was wondering

How do you think Hashirama and Madara would be in a Road to Ninja version?

I remember once reading a Hashimada fic (which I never finished RIP) that was about Madara appearing in the RTN universe and the 3 things that stucked with me were:

1.- Madara was the first Hokage (something that Madara thought was horrible when he saw his sculpted face on the Hokage mountain 🤣)

And personally I think that it would not have been like that even in the RTN universe because we didn't see his face along with the other faces of Hokages in the movie (Yeah, apparently I'm basing myself on a movie which I'm not even sure if it's canon or not, even though Kishimoto wrote it) and the RTN characters didn't seem to even know who Madara is.

2.- Hashirama having his bowlcut as an adult

And I agree with the Madara from that fanfic, it looks awful on him. Hashirama, babe, I'm sorry but the only ones who can rock that style are Guy Sensei and Rock Lee, I know you just were trying to be cool but it doesn't suite you.

3.- Tobirama was a porn writer

Instead of being a fan of forbidden jutsu and creating justus, he wrote porn novels a la Jiraiya. And I'll hold that headcanon with my dead hands.

The only other fanfic that places the founders in the RTN universe is one where the protagonist is Mito (it's an interesting one-shot that pairs her with Itama 🤔)

She was kind of a shy person 🤔? And so it was Tobirama 🤣 which I found fun.

Hashirama, as the first fanfic I mentioned, was the Tobirama of the place (saddenly Madara wasn't in this fic).

So I would like to know what are your versions of the founders (or only Hashirama and Madara if it is too much) in the RTN universe! And how do you think things would be

Hmm, RTN is an interesting concept to me but, to be honest, I don't think Konoha would exist if a lot of personalities got flipped 😂 I haven't read any RTN fics with the founders, but if you, or anyone else, have links at hand I'd love to check them out 👀

1. Madara

Here's the big one and the crux of why I don't think the village would exist. Typically I characterize Madara as an extremely responsible man who internalizes things when he shouldn't, takes himself way too seriously, is aggressive and abrasive even to people he loves sometimes, but genuinely loves the people closest too him. Reversing this would make a character that slacks off, takes no responsibility, and is completely passive in life and has fleeting attachments to others around him. Assuming he wouldn't die on the battlefield, I could see the RTN "alternate" personality coming about of Madara's being so overpowered and competent that he loses interest and distances himself from things before he can get attached and lose them.

It makes building a village very hard though. (At first I was tempted to go RTN Sasuke route and maybe RTN!Madara is a little more openly flirty than canon!Madara, but the passivity and refusal to take responsibility would be the "core" qualities for me.)

2. Hashirama

Hashirama is a bit weird because he has a lot of surface-level "conflicting" traits in canon. He is optimistic but he pushes beyond his natural attitude and uses it as a mask to hide instead of addressing his feelings. He's mischievous, likes jokes and games, and can be a bit hedonistic with his pleasure but can equally be serious when necessary and will willingly sacrifice for others around him. And simultaneously, Hashirama and Madara are connected by a shared sense of idealism but also anger. Hashirama is a very kind, but extremely angry, man. I think a RTN!Hashirama would share a kind of apathy of RTN!Madara but instead of passivity his lack of anger would manifest as cruelty. Because canon!Hashirama is angry but his anger is usually a righteous kind. I don't think RTN!Hashirama would go out of his way to be cruel, but he doesn't have the empathy of canon!Hashirama, especially to others' suffering. He enjoys fighting just a bit too much and has no qualms about killing. In his mind, he should always come first in any situation and prioritizing (or even considering) others' is effort and him going out of his way to be "nice" and the other should be thankful. Similarly if he feels any negative emotion, he won't bottle it up and swallow it down, he'll immediately address it, usually confrontationally. RTN!Hashirama is as intelligent as his canon counterpart but he doesn't suffer fools and he hates it when people underestimate him. He's pretty proud and vain, tbh.

I really don't think the above would make him the "Tobirama" of RTN verse. To me Hashirama and Tobirama have different core values and perspectives and inverting Hashirama's doesn't make it become Tobirama's, if that makes sense. This one is also wordy bc I immediately knew how RTN!Madara would be RTN!Hashirama is a bit harder to pin down. But I hope it's clear why I have doubts about the village existing...maybe if RTN!Hashirama got it in his mind as a pet project for the hell of it, that he'd be a better leader for the country and not just the Senju alone, and RTN!Madara liked the idea of no responsibility and being able to detach even further than he already was? But that's still kind of grasping for a reason.

3. Hashimada

Equally I think any Hashirama/Madara relationship would be ehhh. They definitely wouldn't have the overwhelming bond of their canon counterparts, and it could be a relationship ripe for unhappiness. The closest I can think of to making the ship work is RTN!Madara would be drawn to Hashirama's absurd level of self-confidence and able to let the casual cruelty slide off instead of getting worked up about it. In a way RTN!Hashirama is stable and predictable. If he's pretty overpowered, there's less of a chance RTN!Madara would lose him, so their relationship isn't deep but it's more or less dependable and Madara knows exactly what he's going to get. In contrast RTN!Hashirama has an audience in the form of RTN!Madara and a partner that's not going to push back against his ideas. RTN!Madara doesn't ask for much and he doesn't complain when RTN!Hashirama puts himself first. He doesn't want, or might not be capable of, the deep emotional bond their canon counterparts have. RTN!Madara wouldn't leave Konoha (if it existed) in the AU, because he doesn't really care. If someone upset RTN!Hashirama and he decided to leave to 'do it right' RTN!Madara would probably follow, maybe out of some loyalty for RTN!Hashirama but mostly because it's what's easiest.

4. Tobirama

The core of Tobirama's character to me is prioritizing logic over emotion and both a conscious and unconscious failure to realize he can't completely eliminate emotion. Tobirama loves his brother, he's curious and has a desire to find out what makes things work and is willing to bend morality to get results if it'll serve a greater good. He's very aware of the unfairness of the world but believes it's an unspoken truth of humanity and can only be mitigated through logical means, but never completely erased. He'll be the sacrificial lamb, the one that works in shadows so his brother can have his utopian dream. Despite everything, he loves his genin, the strongest bonds he has aside from Hashirama, and does try to instill in them lessons he think will help them and lead to peace and stability in the village. He's still influenced by the prejudices of his time and can never find it in him to truly forgive the Uchiha.

A RTN!Tobirama would be a man ruled by emotion. Him writing erotica all day definitely could be one way this manifests lol. But overall he's sensitive and spiritual and can't stand the idea of killing. He and RTN!Hashirama don't get along and he actively tries to avoid his brother. RTN!Tobirama has equally strong principles as canon!Tobirama, but they're pacifist in nature and while he likes his studies, he prefers to be out talking to people and learning from them first hand. He's very naive and can be easily taken advantage of and he has trouble focusing on any one thing for too long. No matter how many times this happens, he never can harden his heart or be overly suspicious of others. RTN!Tobirama would most likely be the one support peace in this AU. He embraces the Uchiha and all the Senjus past enemies with open arms, almost to a foolish degree. It'd be a bad idea if he became hokage in this AU because he's a terrible negotiator and has a bad people-pleasing streak and struggles with long-term tactics. With the exception of RTN!Hashirama, who he considers an aberration who doesn't have a soul, humans at their core all have good intentions at heart.

5. Mito

I characterize Mito as a very level-headed woman. Her marriage to Hashirama is political in nature but they grow to be good friends and she never expected to fall in love and she's glad Hashirama didn't want a traditional wife. Mito is devoted to her community work (she works hands-on with people in the village), she seeks out connections with others and, despite the distance, remains close with her family in Uzushio, constantly writing them letters. She's spiritual and follows the Uzumakis' beliefs (not gonna list this OoT spoiler lol) and studies fuinjutsu in her spare time, something she's done since she was a child. She is willing to sacrifice if it meant protecting something she considered greater than herself, much to her own personal detriment. She loves and is proud of her children and grandchildren, but if she had a choice, she would have chosen to remain childless, she finds her true calling elsewhere.

RTN!Mito, similarly to RTN!Tobirama, is ruled by emotions. She dreams of one day making a good marriage for herself and centers romance and being a mother as her ideal life, but she's extremely picky when it comes picking the perfect husband. RTN!Mito knows how much she's worth and she refuses to settle and will not even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. She has a hard time forming long-lasting, deep bonds with other people and views starting her own family as the solution to this problem. At times she can be a bit absent-minded and unintentionally selfish, but she's not actively malicious. She blusters a lot and depending on the situation can come off as cold and uncaring, but it's only to hide the depth of her true feelings and loneliness. In this AU she would absolutely refuse to marriage RTN!Hashirama. Nothing on hell or earth, could make her change her mind.

Mito is such a blank-slate character it feels like writing an oc more than a canon character, tbh. And this is something I don't see brought up a lot but a "heart full of love" to combat the kyuubi's hatred to me has never been exclusive to romantic or familial (to children) love. *cough* I want a complex female character who's not vilified for not wanting to have children and/or regretting having them *cough* Mito's "love" was for the people of Konoha and Uzushio. My personal headcanon regarding her and Hashirama's child (I don't think she had more than one) was that she was dedicated to her son, but quickly realized being a mother wasn't her dream or something she even actively liked. The kid was well-cared for and she was dutiful towards him, but Hashirama was the parent that loved and embraced him with his whole heart and it led to some tension between Mito and her son as the kid could tell the difference and neither of them were "wrong" to feel the way they did. This is why Tsunade was shown with Hashirama instead of Mito, he was a lot more present in her life when she was young (instead of Kishi just not having made Mito as a character yet). But after Hashirama and Tsunade's dad died (and then Nawaki), she and Mito grew close but it was definitely more of a friendship or student/mentor relationship rather than a traditional grandmother/granddaughter relationship but both were satisfied with it and loved eachother. Likewise I didn't want RTN!Mito's characterization to be shallow and hit misogynistic undertones with her being an "opposite" to Mito's calm, level-headed, focused on her work/passions characterization.

6. Closing thoughts

#1: Wow this got long #2: I feel conflicted about RTN because it seemed to flip surface-level characteristics instead of deep characterizations, and ignored flaws altogether. The ones above, esp. Hashirama and Madara's, are kind of dark in a way? But that's the only way it makes sense to me...Gai and Lee caring about style and being stylish is a funny joke but if you were to actually poke and prod and say their personalities were inverted, neither of them would be top-notch ninja as we know...unless I'm just completely misremembering RTN because I realize it's been years since I saw it lol. Anyway, hope this was entertaining!

#naruto #hashimada #hashirama senju #madara uchiha #mito uzumaki #tobirama senju #asks #al-stuffy #rtn au #long post

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certifiedceraunophile · 3 years

Note

Hi! A fan of your writing here. I just love the way you write Caroline. An Avoidable Heart is my comfort fic and I am constantly in awe with the way you write and craft the dynamics in that story. Caroline's inner monologue is just priceless and God! I just love that intro scene where Caroline is walking into the Mikaelson compound with vampires and hybrids in the surrounding ready to pounce on her.

I would love to hear how you would have visualized Caroline crossing over into TO or not? Like in what season and why? How it would have likely gone?

Thank you!

First of all lovely anon gimme a moment to breathe, asdfghjkl why are people so lovely 😭😭🥺✨ It means sooo much to me that you’d take the time to jump into my inbox and send these kind words, like please I’m not worthyyyyy, But you make me smile and feel really freaking warm so *handcuffs your hand to mine* you aint leaving 💖✨💞🙃

But OK ALSO oh my god dude THAT CAROLINE WALTZS INTO THE COMPOUND AND TAKES ON A COUPLE HUNDRED VAMPIRES BY HERSELF SCENE???? Ughhhhh I’m sorry but I have SUCH a boner for Caroline in that, like my badass -I admit kinda op- QUEEN IS HERE and she’s fucking shit up, I’m sorry but I love that scene so much it’s so dear to me I was killing myself over how self-indulgent and grossly Over powered Caroline is but like idgaf man it’s such a hot scene and Caroline is practically invincible and we just love to see that, so seriously lovely anon, you telling me you LOVE that scene??? Puts the biggest smile on my face and reassures me a LOT bc I was whining and cribbing over how absolutely unbalanced that scene is to literally everyone BUT LIKE YOU JUMPING OUT OF NOWHERE and pointing that exact scene UGHH…...meant to fucking be the both of us 💖💞✨

And ALSO Caroline’s monologue is quite honestly the easiest inner monologue out of the three voices I wrote for that work, Klaus’s is the real pain in the ass tbvh like it is NOT easy writing pretentious besotted losers with a Kardashian complex especially when you need to make them sound cool when they’re the lamest OP dude bros to ever exist - and no I don’t hate Klaus although I seem to try my darndest to convince ppl I do- I just personally believe that a feral fucker like that with a thousand years of existence under his belt can grow a pair and graduate from his kindergarten level of emotional maturity to adult sometime soon, But then on the flipside he’s so grossly adorkably smitten and feral for Caroline plus hella horny for her all the time that its usually easy to write the trashed and devoted idiot he is into something pretentious and powerful and potent when relating to his unflappable arrogance and his narcissism, but sometimes I also need him to be *deep* and ffs profound for the sake of the plot and jfc my muse just wont work with me on that, she’s like I’m sorry I’m not about to bust my ass to make this mongrel intelligible like no sir all I wanna do is make him uncomfortably horny for Caroline and leave him like that.

So smh yeah the struggle is real….but lmao Caroline is just so precious and fiercely protective and just so achingly lonely in that story, so desperate for connection and trust and intimacy yet so guarded and impervious to everyone like it hurts me to write her like that but it really challenges me as an author to balance out her inherent light with the “void” I create in her and through her, so yeah it’s a very fulfilling task and I wouldnt change it one bit, and also I had to balance out her physical op-ness w half a millennium of the ugliest emotional trauma lol so I guess that figures, but the point being….once again I am overjoyed knowing that you liked a facet of the story that I tried so hard to make as authentically Caroline and achingly real and moving as I can and I cannot possibly feel more accomplished than rn for it so ty ty ty ty for reaching out to me and telling me *tackle hugs* It makes me GIDDY knowing that you enjoyed that particular part of the story like ugh stab me please you're too sweet.

And ok NOW, coming to The Originals part of the ask, (also please note that when I say TO headcanon; Hope does not exist, Hayley is a dead in a ditch and ofc Klaus will stop being that lil bitch they tried to pawn off as Klaus in TO)

HEADCANON 1

Honestly my biggest headcanon when it comes to TO crossovers somehow always include non-humanity!Caroline like it’s just so perfect to me?? The opportunity to make shit BLOW UP b/w them like imagine the DEBAUCHERY, the heat, the SEXUAL TENSION, the repression of one Klaus Mikaelson, the EXPLORATIONS, and omg the role reversal when Klaus has to be the voice of moral reason between them and not bc he believes Caroline would not be able to stand herself if she does something heinous and monstrous but bc he wants her to be completely and utterly herself, and yk *aware*, when she DECIMATES ppl to the ground and is in full-on predator mode, like he wants her monster to come out and play with him when no part of Caroline is locked away or suppressed, so obviously when she is w/o her humanity KLAUS exercises restraint on her behalf, like can you imagine that, Klaus restraining himself and being the vague, extremely broken and just largely inaccurate moral compass between the two of them for ALL the wrong reasons- and the entirety of NOLA just standing there watching him herd this baby vampire who seems to be intent on riling him up and angering him when all she is doing is giving him a massive hybrid hard on, like IMAGINE THE GOODNESS of non-humanity Caroline wrecking NOLA and Klaus letting her wreck it bc he is helpless in the face of Caroline Forbes and also bc he is quite honestly *enjoying* the debauchery himself so why put a damper on the festivities.

-I might wanna add that I favour this headcanon a lot bc I genuinely do not even remotely *like* the idea of NOLA as Klaus's chosen place to set his roots so like I would love Caroline going to NOLA and destroying everything there just bc I detest NOLA and the storyline behind it in TO. (yes is it petty? Obvi, but like I am a petty soul and I make no apologies ma’am)

HEADCANON 2

So yeah that’s my main TO headcanon, but my other one being, one I talk about very frequently, scream about in tag rants to an obsessive level, and like this is a cracky one but still very valid, where Caroline rolls up to NOLA humanity intact and all, finds Hayley preggo and is just laughing her fucking ass off bc anybody ANYBODY, with half a brain and a two minute convo w klaus would know how UTTERLY stupid the entire baby shit is especially when it’s with an immemorable one night stand, and Caroline’s just losing her shit about how like an entire city is obssessed w this baby and she just straight up tells Klaus he’d SUCK as a dad (which he really does tho like he was a shitty fucking dad canonically too) and Klaus is just like *sigh* girl tell me about it. I mean basically he’s finally relieved that someone is on his side about the whole baby thing and how he definitely does not want his entire millennium of life to finally sum up to this one squalling leaking stinky infant/unicorn Hayley is apparently baking in her oven, and I say this headcanon is cracky bc klaus would never have put up w this mess long enough for Caroline to come in and sort it out, there’s this preferred method of disposal of his called heart ripping that would've been employed quite early on and honestly saved us all a lot of brain cells and minused years of life, bc let’s be real any Klaus who’s NOT a lil snivelling bitch wearing a Klaus skinsuit would’ve yeeted the baby and the mama first chance he got, and that’s just how I see it.

Lmao I really hope I didnt scare you away w my *strong* opinions Ik they can be a bit much but I enjoy having them so theyre not going anywhere, anyways this ask answer got WAYYYY too long but I’m hoping I answered your question well with this or atleast left you slightly confused and bemused over my feral screaming....either ways I’m really really really happy to have got your ask and the chance to rant so much bs, Twas cathartic and honestly I had nothing to do today so I was more than happy to dish this baby out for you. Thank you so much sweet anon for putting a smile on my face today I am absolutely HONOURED by your words you’sa cutie 💖💞✨🗣🗣

#first of all #LONG POST #second #I did rant a LOTTTT more than what was prolly expected but lmao am I sorry?#no #anyway so those are my general drivel-tastic thoughts straight from glitter graveyard brain #hope you enjo navigating through so much bs anon #and I hope someone puts a smile on your face that's as large and bright as the one you've put on mine today #anon asks #ask certified ceraunophile #anti the orginals #tvd headcanons #tvd #klaroline #anon youre the sweetest #shakes hand cuffed hand #you stuck w me lovely #💞💞

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mythiccheroacademia · 4 years

Text

Beach Waves and Happiness

a little self-indulgent something i was hoarding in my documents and decided to share. maybe or maybe not bc i felt bad bc of all the angst i was posting. i hope you all enjoy it :)

A/N: In my mind, I imagine that Bakugo and his spouse would certainly have a bumpy marriage. I headcanon that his spouse is as headstrong as he is, if not stronger. They need to be in order to handle all that is Bakugo Katsuki lmao. But they grow with each day and are their strongest together. He’s also matured by then, so it’ll always work out in the end.

A little context. You and Katsuki have been married for a couple of years and have kids. Koji and Eva. Twins. Not much else to say but enjoy this sweet, sugary, domestic fic.

Warnings: Mentions of intimacy, cursing

Beach Waves and Happiness (Bakugo X Reader)

When the twins were old enough to walk and (mostly) potty-trained, that’s when you started taking trips. You were so excited to spend time as a family apart from dinner and bath time. Katsuki was excited to see you in a swimsuit again.

And family time as well!

Their first international trip was to Hawaii. Your husband had been a couple times and thought it would be a good and family-friendly vacation spot. You grew up on the beach so being on the island was perfect for you. Katsuki saw how you flourished under the sun, with the salty wind tousling your braids and the white sand on your feet. As you took your children to the waves, smiling like the sun as they squealed from the water, he felt heart swell with pride.

He never wanted to take for granted what he had been given.

“It tickles!” Eva, the eldest twin, giggled.

Koji was a bit hesitant to touch the water but gained confidence when he felt his sister grab his hand. When the waves began to roll in, they screamed with excitement and ran the other way. They continued their game of chase whiles their mother watched them with a smile.

Feeling eyes on yourself, you caught your husband’s adoring gaze and goofily posed. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” you joked.

And moment ruined. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he walked by your side. Katsuki placed his hand on your waist, inviting you to lean on his shoulder. You two stood there for a moment, letting the sound of your children’s laughter and waves settle between them.

“Don’t you wish we could just stay here forever?” you suddenly said.

“All the time, but money doesn’t grow on trees. You actually have to work for stuff.”

“Imagine that.” You raised your head catching Katsuki’s eyes. He hummed for your thoughts. “Nothing. Just kind of taking in everything. I feel at peace. More than I have in a long time.”

It was meant to be happy words, but it made the blonde hero deflate just a bit. A thought had been gnawing at his heart for a while and he found he could no longer hold in his question.

“[Y/N], are you happy?”

That got you to pause. You turned to hold his waist with your arms. “The short answer is yes, but what do you mean?” you said, eyeing how contemplative he looked.

Katsuki felt himself absent-mindedly play with your hair as he stared where the sand met the waves. He was never good with his words but damn it. He needed to know. Even if it could hurt him.

“It’s just…I know being with me isn’t the easiest.”

“Katsuki, if this is about our fight, I told you—”

“No. I mean yes, but not entirely. Let me just get this out.” You sighed but nodded. “When I asked you to move in with me, I half expected you to say no. But you did. And I know being thousands of miles away from your friends and family is shitty. Especially in Japan where you might feel alone. I mean, I know you made friends with Deku, Cheeks, Pinky, and all those idiots but it’s different. It’s not your home. But you never complain. You always adjust. Even after we got married and had children, and you felt like you were suffocating under all the responsibility when I was being a shit ass husband and father, you never said anything until you were at your breaking point.”

It pained him to remember how he didn’t know you were going through postpartum depression until it got so bad, he’d wake up to find you sobbing in the living room by yourself. Or when your mother called him five months into the marriage and nearly cussed him dead for her daughter feeling like she couldn’t even tell him she was going through a hard time. Sternly reminding him that you dropped everything to move to Japan for his career. That’s when she accidentally slipped that you were pregnant.

He was still young at the time and in the midst of a stressful time in his career. When he confronted you about it, he admitted he did more yelling than he should have. You took your ring off and he felt his heartbreak for the first time. You said you’d stay at a hotel, but he begged you to stay in the house and he left for his parent’s house. It was a tough week. One of the toughest weeks in your relationship. However, you preserved. As always.

Although, Katsuki still saw how exhausted you were. Even when he gave more than 100%, you were still tired, and he had a feeling it wasn’t physical exhaustion.

Your husband tucked a braid behind your ear and the look he gave you made your chest pinch. “I just don’t want you to get to your breaking point with me and before I can help it, lose you and the twins,” he said, voice barely above the sound of the sea.

There was only a small amount of times you’d see him so open about his feelings. Sometimes you’d admit you didn’t handle it well. Thus, the fights. You and your husband weren’t good at expressing your emotions properly and learning to do so was a journey. However, you always appreciated his willingness to grow—whether it was before or after the matter.

“Baby,” you cooed, softly kissing the corner of his lips. “Let’s get one thing straight. I’d have to be the coldest, most heartless, bitch on the planet to keep you away from Eva and Koji. No matter what happens to us, you’re still their father. A good one at that, and I would never separate you three. Besides, my mom and yours would hang me before I could.”

He chuckled. He knew you were only half-joking. Your parents were alike in more ways than one. It was kind of scary, but good for family gatherings.

“And, if I’m going to be honest, it was really hard at first. Sometimes, I thought I made the wrong decision, but then you’d come home, and we’d spend hours talking and every day I was reminded why I did it. The way your eyes would light up every time you’d talk about work made my heart flutter. Then you’d turn around, look at me, and tell me how being at your side made everything better. When I couldn’t tell you how useless I felt, you’d just know and make me feel on top of the world. When I’m hard on myself, you’re there to bully the insecurities out. I see the little things you do like buy more tampons and pads, without me having to ask, when I run low, wash the dishes as soon as you come home because you know I hate doing them, or turn the fan off in the middle of the night when I shiver, even when you’re hot.

We butt heads. We fight for sure. And we kind of suck ass at dealing with our feelings. But not for one moment did I stop loving you any less. Maybe I didn’t like you all the time,” she snickered and Katsuki snorted. “But I loved you. I love you. And I know you love me all the same.”

Katsuki didn’t know why he had been blessed, especially since he wasn’t the best person in his past. However, he never questioned it. He just cherished.

With no other way to properly express his gratitude, he pulled you closer and he pressed a heart-stopping kiss to your lips. You moaned, gripping his bicep, as he tilted your head, one hand under your chin and the other on the small of your back. Katsuki pulled back, your bottom lip between his teeth, to gaze at you in a way that warmed your body.

“Till death do us part, huh?” he smiled.

“You’re kinda stuck with me even after that.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Who knew you could be so corny?” you chuckled.

A hand came down on your ass and you gasped, laughing at his antics. “Don’t ruin the moment, dumbass.”

You continued your kissing, smirking between them. “You’re lucky you have a big dic—”

A tug at your skirt brought you two out of your…conversation.

It was Koji.

“Momma! We build castle!” he cheerfully smiled. Then he dropped his smile in 0.3 seconds and frowned at his father. “N’ you! Daddy no eat momma. We talk about dis.”

You snickered behind your hands as Katsuki’s eye twitched. Your son was at the age where he was forming an Oedipus complex. He and Katsuki had a thirty-minute conversation about him trying to “eat you” and “killing you” at night. It was endearing for you and annoying for him.

“Fine, you little brat. We’re watching your dumb castle,” he grumbled.

“You dumb!” Eva retaliated for her brother. Koji hmphed in agreement before running back to his sister.

You were openly cracking up and Katsuki was steaming.

“I’m glad you find this funny, jerk,” he mumbled.

“Hilarious actually.”

There was a moment of comforting silence.

“What was that about my big—”

“Koji! Your daddy’s tryna kill me again!”

“What the—? No I’m not!”

“DADDY!”

#bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugou x reader #bnha #mha #mha scenarios #mha fanfiction #mha x poc!reader #mha x black reader #katsuki x black!reader #mha domestic #katsuki domestic #he's domestic af #mha children #one-shot

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pxedpiper · 4 years

Text

Horizon (16)

Plot Summary: Once a princess of a kingdom you loathed to call yours, you have somehow found yourself aboard a pirate ship, stuck on the ocean waves. Now you try to figure out how to escape them, but as you continue to journey with them, you find yourself wondering if you even want to.

Pairings: Ateez x Reader (Kim Hongjoong x Reader)

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and sexual implications throughout the fic, nothing ever specified in detail

Previous / Masterlist / Next

A/N: Out of the frying pan and into the fire with this one, we are ending the second arc and going right on into the third one! This chapter is l o n g and rightfully so bc it took a while to get through but eventually we made it! We made it to the part i’m looking forward to the most so :D let the fun begin

The fighting didn’t last too much longer after that. Once the two of you made it out of the room you had been fighting Sweet in, Hongjoong had basically shouted of Sweet’s death loud enough to be heard on both ships, and with their captain gone, his crew wasn’t exactly eager to continue fighting a losing battle. It wasn’t long until they had all been fought off of The Utopia, and you were soon reunited with the crew you’ve come to love so dearly.

“Wow, look at you,” Wooyoung whistled, referring to you being covered in blood still, “Definitely look like you’ve had a hard time of it, that’s for sure.”

“Most of this is because of you, you know,” You pointed out, “You were the one who kept killing people to clear the way. I think for my first battle I did alright!”

“You’re alive, that’s more than alright,” San said, smiling at you as he gripped onto your shoulders, “I’m very proud of you, going after Sweet like that was very brave, and the fact you held your own against him as a beginner? Very impressive, I must say.” You beamed at his words, glad to know your actions were praise worthy.

“Yes, you did well, but that still doesn’t change the fact that was dangerous,” Hongjoong frowned, “If I hadn’t gotten there in time…”

“But you did,” Seonghwa waved off Hongjoong’s statement, “And that’s all that matters. The question is, now what? You won the battle, which means you get his ship. What do you want to do with it?”

Hongjoong was silent for a bit, thinking before he said, “Leave it. Sweet is dead, and the ship is in poor condition now anyway. Who’s to say if it’ll even last to shore? With luck, it’ll sink and take those cursed souls down with them.” You almost thought that was a bit too harsh of Hongjoong, then remembered that that crew was responsible for your kidnapping, and quickly changed your mind. Taking a deep breath, you look around the ship, smiling to yourself as you saw every member made it out fairly decently, no major casualties to be seen.

“(Y/N)!” You heard Yeosang call you over, turning to the medic, “Come here! I’ll inspect your wounds, make sure none of them get infected.” Nodding, you made your way over to him, not noticing the stare of a certain pirate king staying on you all the while.

“We’re going back to Tortuga again?” You asked, “We were just there, weren’t we? Before the battle with Sweet?”

“Well, it’s not like The Utopia got out unscathed, (Y/N),” Seonghwa smiled wryly at you, “Better to get repairs done sooner rather than later. Besides, you just survived your first battle! I’d say that’s more than enough reason to take a slight break and rest while we’re there. You’ve more than earned it.”

“Sounds perfect to me!” Wooyoung grinned, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, “After all the training and preparations, a break sounds like exactly what we need!”

“Your alcohol ban’s still in place, Wooyoung,” Seonghwa reminded.

Wooyoung pouted, “Do you need to remind me every time?”

“Yes.”

“I am being bullied!” The gunner cried out, purposefully acting over dramatic to get a laugh out of everyone. It worked, because the deck with filled with the laughter of the crew, yourself included, giggling softly at the sight of your ridiculous friend.

“(Y/N),” Seonghwa called you over, handing you a plate of food, “Can you take this over to Hongjoong for me? He didn’t eat much earlier, and I don’t feel comfortable letting him wait for dinner. Is that alright?”

“Fine by me,” You easily agreed, taking the plate with a smile, “I’ll give it to him right away.” Seonghwa shot you a grateful smile, thanking you quickly before you set off to the captain’s quarters. Knocking on the door, you spoke up, “Hongjoong? It’s me, (Y/N), Seonghwa thought you didn’t eat enough so he made you more food. Can I come in?”

“Go ahead,” You heard the voice of your captain answer back, slightly muffled due to the door, “I’m not doing anything important right now anyway.” Stepping inside the door, you spotted your captain sitting at his desk, not too far away from his bed, turning to you with a smile.

“Here you go,” You handed him the plate, “Maybe next time you shouldn’t eat so little so Seonghwa wouldn’t worry about you.” While your words were serious, you couldn’t help but add a teasing lilt to them, making Hongjoong chuckle as he took the plate from you.

“I hadn’t even noticed, if I’m being honest,” He admitted, “Ever since the battle with Sweet, my mind’s been racing from one thought to another, and I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts and losing awareness in my surroundings.”

“What kind of thoughts?” You frowned, sitting down on his bed as close to him as possible, “Maybe talking about it will help.”

“Your parents, mostly,” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “While they may not know you’re with us, they’re undoubtedly still looking for you. I want to keep you safe, but if the Royal Navy come after us, we may end up in over our heads. And I know you, don’t you start blaming yourself,” He added, seeing the look on your face, “I’ll gladly face them if it meant you didn’t have to go back to them. But it won’t be easy, facing an entire kingdom’s navy, especially if it’s true your father himself is joining the search.”

“I still don’t understand it,” You murmured, almost to yourself, “All my life my parents made it clear they preferred my brother to me, and yet they’re going through all this trouble to find me again, it doesn’t make sense. Why care now?”

“You mentioned before that they would’ve married you off eventually, did they already have a suitor chosen?” He asked, looking at you with a slightly worried look.

“Not that I’m aware of,” You frowned, “Though I supposed it wouldn’t surprise me if they did and never told me. But even then, it feels off. I doubt they care about me now, maybe it’s the status. Can’t look good if you have a daughter currently captured by pirates and you never even attempted to look for her.”

“Wouldn’t it make them look more sympathetic?” Hongjoong brought up, “I imagine they could use it to their example if they made it look like you were already dead.”

“I don’t know, my parents have never made any sort of sense.” You sighed, “Their response to me making a scene in town was to never let me out again unless it was important, so you can imagine what we’re dealing with.”

“I don’t understand how anyone could ever lock you away,” It was Hongjoong’s turn to frown, “Look at you, you’ve flourished in the amount of time you’ve been here. I may not have known you back before that auction- or rather, remember knowing you, but based off what you’ve said, it seems you’ve been much happier here than stuck in that castle of yours.”

“I am, truly,” You agreed, nodding your head, “It’s funny, but it wouldn’t be wrong to say that by purchasing me, you really set me free.”

“Please, stop reminding me that I had to buy you,” He grimaced, “It may have been the easiest way to set you free without any issues, but I’d rather you consider yourself a free person than something I purchased. You’re my crew member, not an object.”

“I know,” You reassured him, “I just don’t think I could ever thank you enough, especially with how I treated you at first.”

“If you really want to thank me, then you’ll have to stay on my ship,” He grinned, looking at you with a playful look in his eyes, “You’re not allowed to leave ever, got it? That’s an order from your captain!”

Giggling, you responded, giving a playful salute, “Sir, yes, sir!” Giving you a playful nudge, the two of you burst out laughing at your ridiculous antics, before you calmed down, seriously replying, “Trust me, Hongjoong, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than on this ship. I think I’ve made that pretty clear, don’t you?”

“You have, you have,” He relented, “Now, why don’t you stay with me until I finish eating, then we can go out and see what needs to be done around the ship, sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” You grinned, waiting for him to begin eating. The rest of your time was spent making small talk as you passed the time, before rejoining the others on the deck and making sure everything was working as it was supposed to.

Tortuga, you noticed, never really changed no matter how much time passed between visits. Granted, you had been only a couple weeks before, but you were too focused on preparing for the battle with Sweet to pay much attention to anything else. Now, however, it was much like your first visit where you found yourself free to explore to as much as your heart contented, and you were making good of your time there. It wasn’t long until Yunho had led everyone to the pub from before, even managing to sit at the same table. Remembering what happened the last time you were there, you took a look to where you first saw Maddox, but unlike before, his spot was empty, no sign of the ocean deity anywhere.

“It’s odd, isn’t it?” Hongjoong whispered to you, “As long as I’ve been a pirate, he’s always been in that same spot, waiting. I guess now that you’ve joined us he doesn’t need to wait anymore.”

“I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to feel happy or sad about that,” You responded with a slightly nervous chuckle, “Having some of his advice on how to deal with my parents wouldn’t hurt.”

“He’d probably just say we aren’t meant to know yet,” He laughed dryly, “And we’d be no better off than we are right now. Let’s just relax for now; your parents can’t get you here.” Nodding, you agreed and rejoined the other’s conversation, which seemed to be Wooyoung trying to convince Seonghwa to let him drink, which he was promptly losing.

Hours passed, and you could certainly say that with the exception of San and Wooyoung, the whole crew was feeling a bit tipsy, though not to the point they didn’t have any sense about them, much to your relief. However, the light mood you all were feeling was quickly smothered when you noticed a man, come to your table and specifically, lean in close to you.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” The strange man asked, making you lean back at his close proximity, “You look familiar.”

“I’m afraid not, sir,” You tried to answer back politely, “I haven’t been to Tortuga very many times, and I’ve never met you before, so I find it unlikely we know each other.” Subtly, you could feel Hongjoong wrap his arm around your shoulder protectively, as if to keep the stranger away from you, which you appreciated.

“No, I swear I’ve seen you somewhere before,” The man mused, trying to think before he snapped his fingers, “Now I got it! Ain’t you that princess from that kingdom the Navy’s been looking for? They’ve been promising a pretty penny for anyone who can manage to bring you back.” Feeling your blood run cold at his words, you could only watch as he rustled through his bag, pulling out a wanted poster that had a clear portrait of you printed on it, with an alarmingly large sum of money right below it.

Trying to remain calm, you responded with as clear a voice as you could muster, “I-I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong person, sir. While I won’t deny she looks similar, I’m clearly not a princess, otherwise I would be dead by now, wouldn’t I? There’s no way a princess would last on a pirate ship.”

“Right,” He replied plainly, clearly unbelieving in your excuse, “Well, you’d better hope you’re not the princess, anyway. Many a pirate be willing to do anything to make sure they get that reward money, miss. Best be careful.” With his thinly veiled threat in the air, he left you feeling as though you were suffocating, the pub dead silent as every single other person in the room had their eyes on you.

Speaking lowly so only the crew could hear, Hongjoong ordered, “We need to leave, now. On my mark, we all get up to leave, slowly, alright? Make it seem like we’re just leaving as usual, and if you see any sign of trouble, we take off running, got it? We can’t afford to stay here any longer.”

“But The Utopia hasn’t been repaired yet,” You whispered back, trying not to let show how much you were panicking on the inside, sipping your drink as a distraction.

“That’s the least of our worries right now,” He responded, “Your safety is more important. Remember, on my mark, we go.” With that, the crew slipped into silence, trying to seem like a normal group just trying to enjoy your time. The minute Hongjoong laid his drink down and gave a subtle nod, the entire crew got up and made their way to the door, crowding around you subtly as though to give you more protection against anyone trying to attack. You had almost made it to the door when someone stood up quickly, clearly having ill intentions on his mind as he made his own way to you.

Wasting no time, Wooyoung shouted, “RUN!” at the top of his lungs, causing Hongjoong to take your hand and take off running, the others not far behind you as you tried to get away from the pub. You could hear it erupt into chaos behind you, no doubt full of pirates fighting to have the chance to run after you, but you didn’t dare look back, only focusing on making it back to the ship without any issues.

You weren’t sure if you had ever run so fast in your life, but you didn’t care when you all made it back on the ship, trying to set sail as soon as possible to escape the hoard of pirates that were no doubt after you. Sure enough, you saw them begin to reach the port, but it was too late as The Utopia had already started to sail away. Breathing in a sigh of relief, you had sunk down to the floor of the deck, trying to calm your racing heart down as you gathered your thoughts.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” Hongjoong asked, kneeling down and holding your shoulders in his hands, concern evident on his face.

“What are we going to do, Hongjoong?” You answered back with your own question, “I have a bounty on me, that’s how badly they’re trying to find me. We escaped this time, but we can’t always expect to be able to do so.”

“Don’t worry, (Y/N),” Yunho spoke up, giving you an encouraging smile, “All of us have bounties on us, and clearly we haven’t been caught yet. It’s not as big a deal as you think, it really just means you’ve truly become one of us.”

“He’s right!” Wooyoung cheered, “You’re officially a pirate now! It’s like a rite of passage!”

“Besides, we’ve already sworn how many times that we won’t let them get their hands on you?” Yeosang also spoke, “We’ll make sure you stay with us, as long as you want to be here, you will be.”

“Right, right,” You nodded, trying to calm down again, “Besides, they don’t know I’m with you yet, though I’m sure those pirates won’t hesitate to spill if it meant getting a piece of that reward.”

“They can’t get you if they can’t find us,” Hongjoong declared, “We’ll go back to Jongho’s family, or maybe to Maddox’s island, somewhere they don’t know about. We can hide out for a bit before going back out in public, let things calm down first.”

“I’m sure my parents would love to see you again, (Y/N),” Jongho added, “My siblings, too. They all seemed to really like you.”

“That sounds wonderful,” You gave a grateful smile to everyone, “I just hope that-!” Just then, out of nowhere, a giant booming noise was heard, followed quickly by the ship shaking violently, catching everyone off guard.

“What’s going on?!” Hongjoong demanded, “Are we under attack?”

“There!” You pointed at a ship sailing nearby, somehow gone unnoticed due to the conversation at hand, “It’s a Royal Navy ship!” From beside you, you could feel as though the air had gone unnaturally cold, and you turned to see San and Wooyoung, staring at the ship with as much hatred as they could muster. Hearing Yeosang swear colorfully, you turned to him only to find him frozen to the spot, fear clearly shown upon the medic’s face, making you wonder exactly what it was you were dealing with.

“That’s no ordinary navy ship,” Hongjoong muttered, shooting his own dark glare at the ship, “We can’t afford to fight now, the ship still has damage from Sweet and we weren’t able to get the proper repairs. We have to parlay and see what they want from us, otherwise they’ll keep attacking. We have to let the captain on the ship.”

“Let him on the ship, then I can blow his rotten brains out the minute he steps on board,” Wooyoung darkly spoke, his voice low enough to terrify you even though it wasn’t you who it was directed towards. Beside him, you could see San subtly grip his dagger, clearly in his ‘other’ mindset at the sight of the ship.

“Wooyoung!” Hongjoong spoke sharply, “Do not do anything of the sort, do you hear me? We can’t afford another fight right now. I know you despise him, I do as well, but the situation calls for peace.”

“Peace be damned, you know what he did to us!” Wooyoung snarled, gesturing to him, San, and Yeosang, “You saw it firsthand. How can you ask us to stand aside?!”

“Jung Wooyoung,” Hongjoong straightened up, using his authority, “I am your captain, you will listen to what I say. I’m not saying you have to play nice, I’m saying you can’t attack him without knowing what he wants. If we break the rules of parlay, they’ll have all our heads, and then what? Are you willing to die so easily a fool’s death just to be able to exact revenge? You’ll get your chance, my friend, I promise, but not now. Not when we have something important to protect.” All eyes turned to you, making you feel slightly small as you realized that you’d be discovered very soon.

“Should I go hide?” You asked, wondering if it would help any to avoid conflict.

“No, as much as I would like you to, I’m afraid it might not do any good,” Hongjoong grimaced, “Better to have you up here where we can protect you.”

“Alright…” You trailed off, uncertain with how the situation was going to play out.

Eventually, you found yourself standing with the crew, watching as you watched the captain of the ship walk on board, much more pristine and sophisticated than your last enemy. It was then you realized with a gasp you knew who this was, “Captain Aldrich Reeves!”

Turning to you, he gave you a surprised look before smiling, “Well, well, lucky day indeed! I had no idea the lost princess herself was onboard the Pirate King’s ship the whole time. Hello, Your Royal Highness, I hope you haven’t had too hard of a time on this ship. I merely wished to end the reign of the Pirate King once and for all, if I had any idea you were on board I never would’ve fired that canon.”

“You know him?” San spoke, his voice completely devoid of emotion other than anger as he glared at Reeves.

“He’s a captain under my father’s navy, we’d only met a few times, but it’s enough to recognize him,” You responded, still uneasy and confused on how they all seemed to know Reeves.

“Ah, this is a treat~!” Reeves clapped his hands together once, almost as if in joy, “So, you three stuck with him then? I have been thinking it’d be nice to get my lovely toys back…”

“We’re not your toys!” Wooyoung growled, needed to be held back by Yunho and Mingi, “We escaped from your hell long ago, you have no power over us anymore!”

“Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we?” Reeves smirked, a taunting look in his eye as he turned back to Hongjoong, “Well, Pirate King, it seems you have more things of importance than I expected. So much so, in fact, that I’m willing to make a deal.”

“What sort of deal?” Hongjoong asked, clearly hesitant in negotiating anything.

Reeves started walking around, saying, “I am willing to let everyone on board this ship go free, with no worries about me chasing after them. But,” He paused then, turning to face you and placing a hand under your chin to tilt your head towards him, “Only if the princess comes with me. Her parents have offered quite the reward for her return, you see. If anyone in the Royal Navy is to find her, they are to be betrothed to her immediately.”

“What?!” You stood back, shock showing on your face, “I’m not marrying anybody!”

“I refuse your deal, Captain,” Hongjoong ground out, clearly not happy with the terms, “She’s not up for trade.”

“I’m afraid this part is non-negotiable,” Reeves smirked, before pulling you towards him and pointing a gun to your head, “Now, not that I’d expect a pirate to care whether or not a princess lives or dies, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to deal with the repercussions of that, now would you?”

“Let go of her!” San immediately rushed at Reeves, only to be caught off guard by one of his men, who had tackled him to the ground at the first sign of movement.

“You think I didn’t prepare for the possibility that you were still on board?” Reeves rolled his eyes, giving San a cruel smirk, “Don’t forget, it was me who made you what you are now.”

“No good bastard, why don’t you just die?!” Wooyoung snarled again, trying his best to aim at Reeves, but unfortunately he was too slow and was disarmed and pinned to the ground as well, another one of Reeves’s men making himself known.

“San, Wooyoung!” Yeosang made to help his friends, but Wooyoung’s voiced stopped him in his tracks.

“No, Yeosang, stay with Hongjoong!” Wooyoung managed to get out, “Don’t worry about us, just keep yourself safe!”

“I’m afraid, Pirate King, you made the wrong choice,” Reeves mockingly spoke, “Now you get to watch as your crew members die one by one.” With that, he turned the gun towards Wooyoung’s head, and in that moment, you felt a sense of déjà vu.

“Stop!” You cried out, letting yourself out of Reeves’s hold.

“Your Highness, is there a problem?” He asked you, seeming genuinely confused on why you stopped him from killing Wooyoung.

“If I go with you,” You spoke shakily, trying to keep your breathing evenly, “You’ll let them go? You’ll spare their lives?”

“(Y/N), no!” Hongjoong shouted, trying to stop you, but you just looked at him, telling him to stand down with your stare.

Turning back to Reeves, you said calmly, “Take me with you. I’ll go back if it means everyone else lives. Just don’t hurt them.”

“(Y/N)!”

“(Y/N), stop, what are you doing?!” You could hear the cries of the other crew members, but you ignored them as you kept staring towards Reeves.

“This is my deal, will you take it?” You stood your ground, letting him know you meant business.

Reeves thought about it, then laughed, “Your good heart will surely be the death of you, Your Highness, but very well. I agree to your deal, but on one condition.” He kneeled down between where San and Wooyoung were pinned and lifted their heads roughly by their hair, making them both shout out in pain, “These two come with me as well. I won’t kill them, they have more use to me alive than dead. But I’m afraid they’ll be in less comfortable accommodations. They are still pirates, after all.”

“That’s not the deal!” You yelled back, outraged at how Reeves kept manipulating everything to get his way.

He replied smoothly, “It’s either that or they both die, make your choice.”

Looking at your two friends’ face, you could only wish them a silent apology as you replied, “Fine. But you have to promise they’ll stay alive, and that you’ll leave everyone else on this ship alone.”

“Of course, Your Highness, you have my word. After all, I wouldn’t want to make my future wife upset, now would I?” He smirked once again, making you sick to your stomach as he turned to his men, “Put them in the dungeon. Let them rot there for a bit before being put back to work, see if they learn their lesson. Come along now, Your Highness, we have a long way to go.” Silently, you turned to Hongjoong one last time, tearing up at the look of pure distraught on his face. You mouthed the words, “I’m sorry,” to him, before once again putting on your cold façade and boarding the other ship, letting yourself be led to your room on the ship, hearing the door lock from behind you. You sighed, now doomed to return to your parents and a marriage you didn’t want while being separated from your only friends on board, and you couldn’t even leave your room. You laid down on the bed, much nicer than the one you had on The Utopia, and closed your eyes, wanting nothing more than to block the world out.

Once again, you had chosen to sacrifice yourself in order to save the others, but this time, you felt more regret at your decision than you had ever felt before.

#ateez pirate au #ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfiction #ateez imagines #hongjoong fanfic #seonghwa fanfic #yunho fanfic #yeosang fanfic #san fanfic #mingi fanfic #wooyoung fanfic #Jongho fanfic

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random-mha-thoughts · 4 years

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Bully Part 2 (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Genre: Crack, fluff, slight angst, Baku-having-feelings-and-being-soft (bc that's totally a genre)

Sequel to Bully (part 1)

Word count: 2,319

Tags: @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog

a/n: This ended up being longer and slightly more emotional than I expected. Seems like I’m following the trend of getting the BNHA boys to say what’s really on their minds (I’ve already done this for Todoroki in case you were wondering), so Baku will be ooc and soft here.

This came out later than I intended because...let’s just say I was having a mental breakdown over a really long and really naughty Todo fic here and I ended up calling my little cousin and crying and laugh-crying and shaking and losing my collective mind because none of my friends would know what I was going through. And I was in no headspace to write fluff afterwards, she had to force fluff headcanons into me to go back to normal. Yall should thank her. Enjoy~

None of us had any idea how or why Bakugou suddenly started acting this way. Apparently, he was completely normal until I walked in. All I did was open the door to the classroom, my gaze just so happened to land on Bakugou, and suddenly I heard loud stomps towards me.

I held out a defensive hand, ready to shoot out branches at him if he got too close. "Bakugou-" I threatened. And he did the unthinkable. He gripped me in a choke hold around my shoulders and neck.

Actually, no. He...hugged me?

My clenched fists and the hush that fell over the rest of the students told me this is the first time all day he's done something out of character, something I definitely wasn't expecting. We hadn't talked since I almost jumped out of a window last week. This entire week, he was ignoring me. I was preparing for the day he would finally confront me, and I pictured it would be an aggressive encounter.

This is far from anything I'd imagined.

I never ever thought this porcupine-head could even show affection, that he even has a single gene of softness in him. Yet he was embracing me tightly, nuzzling his face in my neck. The shock of it all made me freeze up and cast a sideways glance at Midoriya, who was just as freaked and confused.

"Get off, Bakugou, what are you-"

The boy lifted his head up, his scarlet eyes softened into fondness and a gentle smile on his lips made the rest of my words catch in my throat. This entire expression was foreign to all of us. His face can look like that?

"I missed you over the weekend."

My jaw dropped. HIS VOICE CAN SOUND LIKE THAT?? The smooth and sweet honey tone was way out of character for him.

But like hell I trusted any of this.

I wiggled my arms up to push his weight off me. "I don't know how you managed to become such a great actor," I succeeded in separating from his vice grip, "But if you think disorienting me like this can be some sort of revenge, you're sorely mistaken."

Bakugou tilted his head, resembling a sad puppy. "What do you mean?"

I straightened my uniform. "Nice try, I know you're just acting so you can, like, throw me off the building or something."

That seemed to hurt him, his jaw gaping open before holding my face in his calloused hands. "I'd never do that to you."

I quickly swatted his hands away, wary that he was about to blow my face off. "Don't. Touch. Me."

The boy froze in place, then rubbed the back of his neck. Regret seeped through his eyes as he stared at the ground. "I'm sorry, about everything."

A strange warmth rushed through me. Something about how genuinely vulnerable he looked shook my entire being.

"I just...really wanted you to give me a chance all this time, but I went about it the wrong way." He encased me into another bone-crushing hug. "But I want to make up for it."

I felt a thud in my chest, probably from fear that he might hurt me.

At that moment, the teacher walked in. "Alright everyone, take your seats." He noticed Bakugou's position, gawked for a second, and cleared his throat. "Uh, Bakugou, let go of (L/n) and take your seat."

"I dare any of you extras to yank me off, I'll blast you into next week!"

He's back, kind of?

Nobody made a move to do anything, they were all frozen by the sight of Bakugou clamped onto me like a koala.

"I'll survive...somehow," I assured them, unsure myself how exactly I would do that.

For the entire rest of class, the boy clung onto me. He had taken over the seat of the person who normally sat on my left and scooted the chair over so he can stay attached to me. Though I reasoned for him to hold onto just my arm (since he wouldn't let go no matter how many times I asked), he hugged my waist with both of his arms, face buried in my neck. I was just glad he left one arm for me to write notes with.

If this was just an act, he did a splendid job of keeping it up. I thought he would've given up after an hour or two, but he stayed like that even after lunch until the end of the day. Anytime anyone would even walk past us, he would glare at them until they scurried off.

It was super weird at first, but I got used to the arrangement somehow. I hate to admit it, but I even felt comfort by his warmth. His breath tickled my neck as his solid arms held me in a vice grip. I found myself hoping this wasn't acting, and thanking whatever miracle made this happen. This was never going to happen again, I might as well enjoy it for now.

"Back off, you damn Deku!" He bares his teeth at the cowering Midoriya, still attached to me at the hip.

I sigh, finally fed up with this whole ordeal. "Midoriya, I'll handle this, I'll call later."

The poor broccoli boy nods and scampers away from us. Bakugou insists on not letting go until I'm home safe, even when I repeated that I live in the opposite direction as him. He won't even let Midoriya near me.

I lead us both over to a bench outside of school. I'm still not convinced that this isn't an act, but I might as well try to talk to him after the incident last week. "Get off," I order, scooting over to one side of the bench. When he doesn't obey, I add, "I wanna talk, so I need to see your face."

After a brief moment of hesitation, he eases off my body, rolling up to sit facing me with a leg propped up on the seat. A dumb smile is on his face.

God, that still freaks me out. I stare at him calculatingly. He hasn't said a word to me the whole day, only barking at other students as he holds onto me. I want answers. "You're sure this isn't some stupid revenge plot to get back at me?"

He shakes his head, propping his arm up on the seat and resting his head there. His wordless, lovestruck stare probing me.

I sputter, "Why are you acting this way then?"

"I like you."

I almost choke at his quick response, my chest throbbing again. "S-Stop looking at me that way, I can't take you seriously! I admit, it's freaking me out!"

"My feelings freak you out?" he says sweetly, brushing the side of my face softly.

I slap his hand away, "You don't have feelings for me, just drop the act already!"

His smile disappears. "It's not an act, I'm being serious." Hurt laces his voice.

I cross my arms over my chest. "Yeah, well, it's very hard to take you seriously when you've been a heartless, pompous, mean jerk for all of middle school."

Bakugou's eyes downcast and his arm falls into his lap. "I...I don't know how else to show how I feel." Raw emotion drips from his eyes as he bites his lip, almost like he's gathering his thoughts. "I act like a jerk because... I just feel so pressured. Everyone expects so much of me just because my quirk is so strong." A dark chuckle emits from him, "Even my mom has ingrained it in me that I need to be strong so I don't burden anyone with being weak. So I've been projecting my frustrations onto everyone else. Deku is just the easiest person to pick on because he's the weakest person, he has no quirk! And I'm just self-centered because I have to tell myself that I'm strong or else...I might slip. Call it an inferiority complex, I guess."

I won't lie, I didn't go into this expecting a therapy session. Part of me does sympathize with him, but the rational side of me is still skeptical of this entire monologue being an act. I wouldn't put it past him for thinking up such an elaborate plan in a week. And none of it excuses him for telling Midoriya to kill himself. "Not that I don't believe you, but so what?" I blurt out.

He grabs my hand in both of his, eyes fully emotional and staring into mine. "I like you, (Y/n). I see how kind you are to everyone else, how you've stayed by Deku and supported him this entire time. I admire you. You're the kind of person who I know would become a great hero because you always know just what to say to people to make them feel better, not to mention you're so badass too. And...in a way, there's something in me that wants you to care about an idiot like me, too."

Tightness tugs in my chest. Damn it, he needs to stop being so emotional, I can't handle it. "I want to help you, Katsuki, but what you said to Midoriya crossed a line. I can't overlook that."

His head drops onto our joined hands and his body starts shaking. "Damnit!" he grits out, "I can't believe I've done so much wrong that the person I like can't even forgive me."

I shut my eyes, not wanting to see him cry. "Katsuki-"

Bakugou's head snaps up and takes my head between his hands. "Do you even have the smallest feeling for me?" His red orbs swim in tears.

A soft spot in my heart persuades me to gently rub the wet trails off his cheeks. "I'm...not sure." I won't lead him on, I really don't know how I feel anymore. It's that I hate him, I don't like the things he says or does.

"Help me, (Y/n)," he practically begs, "I'll become a better person, I promise, but I need you to guide me, please."

This sudden magnitude of emotion other than anger disorients me. Is this something he's kept locked away somewhere in the recesses of his mind? I absently nod in agreement against some of my better judgement.

His shaking form steadies as he stares me down quietly. "Can I...kiss you?" he whispers out of the blue.

My lips slightly part and my eyes widen as he leans into me, softly pressing his mouth against mine. Our kiss is innocent, as if time just stood still and washed a warm glow on us. My stomach flips weightlessly, and I gently grip one of his wrists to ground me. He pulls away just for a moment, letting us linger in the moment and sensation of one another.

His eyes flutter open, facing me with the same loveliness he's showed me all day, before confusion suddenly dawns on him, and then his cheeks color red and he pulls away, almost retreating to the other edge of the bench.

I blink, not sure what just happened, but the tumbling in my abdomen still present. "Uh...Bakugou...?"

The boy doesn't even want to face me. "Did I really just do that?" he mutters to himself, the raspy growl that's more characteristic of him returning.

My heart sinks. "Do you-?"

"Hey, don't look so upset," he glares at me before flushing again. "I...somehow...know everything I did... It was me...but it wasn't...really me."

"But everything you said-"

He growls and crosses his arms over his chest, looking away from me. "Everything I said was true! I just... I'm surprised I did it, and I was such a pansy about it."

I roll my eyes. He's back, for real this time. "Well, if that's the case, I won't hold you accountable-"

"Wait," Bakugou sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I stand by everything I said, even the whole...thing...about you helping me." It almost hurts him to say it.

I fold my arms over my chest and stand up. "You don't have to force yourself to be good if you don't want to. Things can go back to the way they were."

"I don't want it to!" he yells. "I'll work at being less of an idiot if it means...that you'll...go out with me."

I examine him, all red-faced and uncomfortable, unable to look me in the eyes. "I'm not gonna go easy on you."

He stands up and finally garners the courage to look at me again. "I'm willing. I'll try hard, I promise."

After thinking it over a moment, I relax my figure and place a kiss on his cheek. "That's your reward for consciously admitting that you have a problem."

Bakugou's eyes bulge out of his head and I have to suppress my chuckles. "Will there be more rewards?" he mumbles.

"Only if you really try." I lean forward, catching him off guard and finally letting out a small fit of laughter. "You know for most of the day, you were hanging onto me like I was you handbag, now you're shying away from me."

He scratches his burning neck. "Hey, that wasn't me."

"It was a you that probably showed your deepest darkest wants," I tease, a smirk playing on my lips.

"Sh-Shut up, don't be so smug about it!" He lightly shoves me away, digging his hands into his uniform pants pocket. "You're the one asking for it because you liked it, stupid."

"Ah-ah," I hold up a finger like a teacher reprimanding a kindergardener. "First thing is for you to stop calling people names."

He groans. "Fine. (Y-Y/n)." His cheeks color all over again.

I slip my hand in his and his blush intensifies. "Was that so hard to do?"

"Shut up," he mumbles softer this time.

He's a fixer-upper, he's still got a lot to learn, but hopefully, he'll get there eventually.

#Bakugou x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugou fluff #bakugou katsuki #angst #crack #bakugou imagine #bakugou scenario #gender neutral reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction

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slapshot-to-the-heart · 4 years

Text

Death by a Thousand Cuts - j. debrusk

Trying to venture into some new territory, let me know what you think! Title’s from the Taylor Swift song. 4.8k of post-breakup Jake DeBrusk angst, as always, I love hearing feedback! I read all the tags, so feel free to reblog, pop into my inbox, anything!

Wine pairing from someone with zero authority on the subject: a full-bodied Syrah - smooth, fruity, the kind of wine I’d want to drink if I was sad.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love/Trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch

Shadi threw back another shot, wincing as the vodka burned down her throat. Clara rubbed her back sympathetically. “Better?” She shrugged. Alcohol was great for forgetting things, but there were some wounds too fresh and too deep for even a Sazerac to cure. And her wounds were named Jake DeBrusk.

Jake had been her everything, still was her everything, and the idea that she was somehow now in charge of forgetting everything they had shared was more than she could bear. Breakups weren’t something Shadi took lightly, and especially when she had spent the past year falling more in love with him with each breath she took. Forgetting more than a year’s worth of early-morning conversations in his bed, Jake’s hand gently brushing back her hair before kissing her temple and going out to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. Shadi couldn’t start her day without coffee. A year’s worth of games, up in the box with the other WAGs and down in the tunnel, their lips crashing together in the euphoria of a post-win high. A year’s worth of vacations, to Edmonton to visit his family and Dallas to see hers, laying on the white sand beaches of Tahiti in the summer. A year’s worth of falling asleep to him tracing lines between the freckles on her bare back in the glow of the post-sex fog. It wasn’t like she was going to forget any of it anytime soon. And if Shadi was being honest with herself, it wasn’t like she wanted to.

---

Shadi met Jake just after moving into her new apartment with Clara, her best friend from BC, when they decided to celebrate their newfound jobs and independence with a bar crawl. As luck would have it, they never actually made it past the first one. Clara had just finished up her first week as a tenth grade English teacher, and Shadi had the weekend to relax before her marketing analytics post started on Monday.

She wasn't going out to meet someone, not really, but if there was someone attractive enough and charming enough she wasn’t absolutely opposed to spending the night in a bed that wasn’t her own. Shadi sat at the bar, responding to a few texts and sipping her drink as she waited for Clara to return from the bathroom. She wasn’t paying enough attention to her surroundings to notice someone sidle up next to her, getting a little too close for comfort. “Hey,” he said loudly, startling her. Shadi looked up — way up, he was at least six or seven inches taller than her 5’5 — to the stranger’s face, flashing a tight smile. She didn’t know any women who particularly liked to be accosted in the middle of a drink.

“Hey,” she said.

He inched closer. “I’m Darren, nice to meet you.”

As much as she’d really just like to be able to tell the guy to fuck all the way off, Shadi hated that it was a far better decision for her safety and security to just try and tacitly go along with it. Let him down easy.

“Shadi,” she responded.

He whistled, and she internally cringed, trying as subtly as she could to look towards the bathrooms and trying to spot Clara. More than once, they had pretended to be a couple at bars to get each other out of situations exactly like this one. “Shadi,” he said, testing out the name. “What is that? Arabic? Indian?”

Now she visibly cringed, raising her eyebrows. Great, he’s racist as well as a creep. “Neither. I’m Persian.”

“Cool, super cool,” he said, nodding. “So, Shadi, what brings you here?”

“Starting a new job next week,” she said, looking back down at her phone, trying to give him just enough information to keep him from being pissed at her.

Darren finished his drink. “That’s cool, yeah. Good for you. I work in finance. High-level account managing and stuff. It’s a lot of responsibility, but I like the challenge.” Great, add finance bro to the list of reasons why I’ll never go home with this guy, Shadi thought.

“Nice,” Shadi said, looking away and taking a sip of her drink and trying her damndest to make it clear she wasn’t interested.

Darren moved even closer, his hand now resting on her waist as Shadi leaned as far away from him as she could while still staying on her seat, looking frantically around for Clara, or anyone, to bail her out. “You come here with anyone?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shadi said nervously, eyes still sweeping the room. “My boyfriend should be around here somewhere.” Darren didn’t need to know she didn’t have a boyfriend, and as much as she hated that men like him were more likely to leave her alone if they thought she was spoken for than if she told him herself she wasn’t interested, it was the best thing she could do in the moment.

Darren took a cursory glance around the room. “I don’t see anyone coming,” he noted. “You sure about that, Shadi?

“Yes,” she squeaked, as his hand tightened around her waist and she froze like a deer in headlights, too stiff to flag down the bartender.

“It’s polite to look at people when they’re talking to you, or did they not teach that where you’re from?”

Shaking, she turned back to look at him. “I’m from Texas,” she spat.

“I think we could really have some fun together, if you’d just stop being so uptight we could really—” Darren didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, his arm being forcefully removed from her waist. She swung around, meeting the eyes of her unknown savior, who was too busy glaring at the man across from her to even meet her eyes.

“Seems like you’re having a hard time taking no for an answer,” he said.

Darren looked up, rubbing his wrist from where it had been in a vice grip only moments before. “You the boyfriend?”

The other man didn’t even flinch. “Yeah, I’m the boyfriend. Even if I wasn’t, she clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you, but she’s just too polite to tell you to fuck off. Luckily,” he smirked. “I’m not.”

Darren rolled his eyes, grabbing his half-empty glass and inching away from the bar. “Whatever. Wouldn’t have been worth it anyways.”

Shadi collapsed into her hands as soon as he was out of earshot, breathing shakily. The stranger reached out tentatively, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her. “You okay?”

She leaned back, taking another drink and nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be okay, it’s not like it’s the first time this has happened. He just really didn’t want to leave me alone and I couldn’t find my friend and he didn’t seem to be getting the message that I wasn’t interested.”

He grimaced. “On behalf of my entire gender, I apologize for all the shitty men you have ever had to encounter.”

“Thank you,” she said, laughing slightly and setting her glass back down on the bar. “And thanks for stepping in, you really didn’t have to.”

He shook his head. “I just did what any decent guy would do. I’ve got a sister, girls deserve to feel safe in bars.”

“Regardless,” she added, “I appreciated it. And just so you know,” she said, pausing, “you don’t have to worry about an actual boyfriend coming around. I’ve just found it’s the easiest way for guys to leave me alone.” Shadi surprised herself; she wasn’t normally this bold.

He dipped his head. “Good to know. Probably should properly introduce myself, then. Jake DeBrusk,” he said, sticking his hand out.

“Shadi Azizi.” She shook it, smirking slightly as she took a sip of her drink. “I know.”

He smiled bashfully, scratching his head. “Hockey fan?”

She nodded. “I’ll go to Bruins games when I can make it, but I’m from Dallas, so…” she shrugged.

“You’ve already sold your soul to the Stars,” Jake finished.

Shadi laughed. “Yep. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the girl.”

Jake eyed her glass, seeing that she was nearly finished. “Can I get you another?” Shadi nodded after a moment. “Sure.” He caught the bartender’s eye. “What are you drinking?” “Whiskey on the rocks.” Jake leaned back on his stool, clutching his hands over his chest. “A woman after my own heart.”

---

Three months later, it was November, and Shadi was in Jake’s kitchen, doling out Chinese takeout onto two plates. “Beer?” she asked over the counter, to where Jake was flopped on the couch, flipping through channels in hopes of finding something mildly interesting to watch.

“Yes please,” he shot back. He had just gotten back from a road trip that afternoon, eleven days in the Midwest, and there were few things he wanted more than to be back in Shadi’s arms. They had started a sort of unspoken tradition; Shadi had taken to spending the night whenever Jake came back from a road trip, and he wasn’t about to start complaining. He loved his job and he loved his team, but after a week or two of being around them practically 24/7, he didn’t want to waste any time getting back to her.

Shadi padded back towards the living room, sliding a plate of lo mein and fried rice over to Jake, who leaned in and kissed her shoulder. “Thanks, babe,” he said, putting the remote down. “Parks and Rec good with you?”

She nodded, mouth full. “Doesn’t take much to convince me. I’d kill a man for Leslie Knope.”

Jake laughed. Shadi looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. “You think I’m joking?”

He held his free hand up in mock surrender, the other balancing his plate on the arm of the couch. “I should have known better. Will you ever forgive me?”

“Maybe,” Shadi said, scrunching up her nose. “I think I can find it somewhere deep in the recesses of my cold, dead heart.”

Things between Jake and Shadi had gotten pretty serious pretty quickly, certainly more quickly than Jake was expecting. But, as he was realizing, that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. The scene was definitely more domestic than he was used to; it wasn’t unusual for him and Shadi to join some of their friends or the team for a night out at the bars or clubs, but it was just as common to have an evening in. It was nice, being together like this. Domesticity was never something that was quite his style, but as he thought, looking over at Shadi, who was entirely engrossed in Leslie’s valiant attempts to control a town hall meeting, maybe it could become his style.

You said it was a great love, one for the ages/But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

It was the end of January, and Shadi was in Edmonton. Jake had told her about Boston’s bye week about two months earlier, the plan having originally been to drive up to New Hampshire for a week of camping in White Mountain. But then Jake had been selected for the All-Star Team, much to his surprise — not Shadi’s, who had been convinced he’d be picked practically since the season started — and their schedule had been turned on its head. He had decided that it would make more sense to visit his family. Shadi didn’t complain; she had just started to get used to Boston winters, and wasn’t confident in her ability to go a week in a tent in the middle of January.

What surprised her, though, was when he invited her to come with him. She had never met his parents in person before. Over FaceTime, sure, but it wasn’t the same. Jake was initially very shy about extending the invitation, almost as if he wasn’t sure if that was something she wanted or was ready for. His concern was sweet, but Shadi was more touched that he had asked her to come in the first place, and put in her request for vacation time that night.

The flight wasn’t much over six hours, a short layover in Montréal and one connection later and they landed in Edmonton. Shadi met up with Jake just outside of passport control, pulling her pea coat tightly around herself. “Ooh,” she said, breathing out shakily. “Bit chilly here, no?”

Jake laughed. Oh, if only she knew. “Wait till you get outside, babe. It’s January in the middle of Alberta.”

“How bad can it get?” Shadi asked naively. Pretty bad, as she found out the moment they stepped outside the terminal into the freezing air. She was suddenly very grateful her parka was in her bag, a Patagonia jacket that had been one of her first big purchases when she moved to Boston. Jake was having a very good fun time poking fun at her in the three minutes it took for his parents to pull up.

“Aww, is my Texas girl cold? Is she having trouble dealing with real weather?”

Shadi glared at him. “Shut up.”

His parents were incredible, kind and welcoming from the moment they picked them up at the airport. They drove them back to Jake’s childhood home, where his sister greeted her with a hug. She had visited Boston a few weeks prior, her and Shadi immediately getting along thanks to their shared taste in coffee orders and music. They had swapped Spotify playlists more than one time since her visit.

The week she spent in Edmonton was amazing. Even though she may have been a little bit apprehensive from the start, all of her worries were just distant memories by the time they had to get back on the plane. She had always been good with parents; whether it was her best friend or her boyfriend, they had always liked her. Making a good impression and being unfailingly respectful, especially to her elders, was a value that had been instilled in her from a young age. She had brought a tin of qurabiya on the plane as a gift for them, after a half-dozen Google searches to make sure she could bring them across the border and a twenty minute long phone call with her mom to make sure she was using the right type of almonds. They loved them, and seeing the tin already empty on the third day of her trip filled her heart.

“She’s really good for you, you know,” his mom said, as he was packing his suitcase for the flight back. “You’re still you, fun and spontaneous and caring. But you’re a more mature, thoughtful version of yourself. And I think that’s thanks to Shadi.”

Jake blushed, shoving his toothbrush in his toiletry bag. “She is. She’s great, Mom. We have so much fun together, and she really does bring out the best in me.” He paused for a moment. “I think I’m in love with her.”

His mom raised her eyebrows, not surprised and certainly not disappointed, but a little astonished that he had realized himself what she saw from the moment they had landed in Canada. She had just been waiting for him to admit it. “You do?” she asked, a hint of a smile on her face.

He nodded, more sure this time. “I’m in love with her, Mom.”

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand/Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

“You doing okay, babe?” Clara asked gently, one hand on Shadi’s back as she nursed her third beer of the night. Shadi reached up to try and wipe away her tears. Thank God she hadn’t worn any mascara. She nodded, trying to flash her best friend a smile, but it didn’t meet her eyes.

Shadi hadn’t ever been the kind of person to put up walls. That was Jake’s thing. But she was a great actress, and if Clara hadn’t known her as well as she did, she wouldn’t have been able to call her on it.

“Bullshit, Shadi. You’re not fine and I know it. You know it.” God, Clara could read her like a book. It wasn’t okay, she wasn’t okay, and she sure as hell wasn’t over him. She didn’t know when she would be over him. If ever.

They said that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it burned in one. If Rome was a metaphor for their relationship, Shadi would say there’s never been a more accurate phrase. All it took was five minutes for Jake to break her heart, for the world they had built together to come crumbling apart around her. As much as she hated it, there was still a part of her that couldn’t help but try to look back on that night. Shadi almost called bullshit on him the moment he said he was breaking up with her, because he had never even brought it up before, and that’s not something you just drop on someone like he did, right? But she didn’t, she hadn’t gotten closure and hadn’t gotten a reason, an actual reason, and so any curly hair she saw out of the corner of her eye that night she kept hoping was Jake’s, and any cocky smile from some guy trying to buy her a drink — she’d let them, for the free alcohol, but they never got a conversation out of her — she kept wishing was his.

---

It was September, and Shadi felt like she was walking on air. She and Jake had celebrated their one year anniversary a month ago, and things couldn’t be going better. Training camp for the new season had started, which had begun to take up more of his time than she maybe would have liked, but she was dealing with it. They both were. It was like Shadi had told him two months into their relationship, and countless times since: she knew what she was signing up for, knew that sometimes she would have to take a backseat to hockey, and she was okay with that. Having Jake some of the time was better than not having him at all.

So when Jake had texted her that morning, asking if she was free to come over that night, she thought nothing of it. Well, scratch that, she thought a lot of it. It had been about two weeks since they had had a proper date night; while she loved him sneaking into her apartment to sleep for a few hours before he had to get up or meeting in the mornings for coffee and bagels, they were in desperate need of some alone time. Jake hadn’t exactly been distant since their anniversary, but it had definitely seemed like something was on his mind. And when she asked Clara, or her older sister Yasmin, or Hannah, her best friend in Houston, they all said the same thing. If nothing seemed like it was going wrong, but he was seeming distant, but they were still communicating, then there was really only one possibility, at least according to them. He was going to propose.

So Shadi took a little longer in front of the mirror, put on her good jeans instead of just a pair of sweats, ran a comb through her hair. She grabbed her car keys, locking the door to her apartment and nervously pressing on the elevator button. Why was she nervous? She was in love with Jake. She saw a future with him, a future together. If tonight was going to be the start of forever, there was nothing to be afraid of. I wonder what Jake’s doing now, Shadi thought. Was he waiting for her on the couch? Trying to cook pasta, the only dinner he could reliably make without burning? Pacing back and forth in his room, turning over the ring box in his hand? The ring. What did it look like? Did he buy it new, or was it a family heirloom? Did he ask any of the guys on the team for tips, or did — Stop it, Shadi reminded herself. He doesn’t have to be proposing. We do nights in almost every week. Maybe he just wants to watch a movie. But in the back of her mind, as she pulled out of the parking garage, was the possibility that she was about to walk into one of the most important nights of her life. And it was, but not in the way she thought. Not in the way she wanted.

Jake’s place was only ten minutes away from hers; before she even knew it, she was killing the engine and walking up the stairs to his door. She tapped her knuckles against the wood. It was barely ten seconds before Jake opened it up, smiling at her. “Hey, thanks for coming over,” he said, leading her into the living room and pressing a kiss against her cheek, lingering a little longer than usual

Shadi knew something was off even as they sat on the couch thirty minutes later, Star Wars playing on the screen in front of them. If she was being honest, she knew something was wrong from the moment she got there. Jake was acting stuff, not distant, but almost confused. LIke he had something on his mind that he couldn’t quite spit out. And it didn’t seem like a proposal. “Alright,” Shadi said, huffing and propping herself up on one arm to face Jake. “What’s up.”

To his credit, he didn’t mince words, didn’t play dumb. He knew better than to insult her intelligence like that, and she knew better than to believe him. “You noticed, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “I love you for a lot of reasons, J, but you really do have a terrible poker face.”

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair, leaving a piece hanging in front of his eye. “Alright,” he said, in that kind of I-know-what-I-need-to-say-but-I-don’t-want-to-say-it tone, the one that she wasn’t expecting. The one that never means good news. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on my life, our lives over the past thirteen months we’ve been together, and I’ve loved every minute of the time that we’ve spent together.” Okay, Shadi furrowed her brows, where’s he going with this? “I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities in life, where they are right now and where I think they should be. And I’ve realized that,” he swallowed, “I’m at a place in my life where I need to be focusing on hockey.” Oh no. “And I don’t think I’m in a position where I can have a relationship and be as invested in my career as I need to be.” Oh God.

Shadi sat up, stunned. “Are you...Are you breaking up with me?”

Jake nodded his head jerkily. “And I want you to know that I don’t regret anything about our relationship. I don’t have anything bad to say about you, or the time we’ve spent together, or anything. I just don’t think I’m able to give you, or our relationship, the attention it deserves. You deserve someone who’s going to be able to dedicate a hundred percent to you, and as much as I wish I could, I don’t think I’m that person.”

“So, you’re saying I’m a distraction?” Shadi asked slowly, her eyes shiny with unshed tears.

Jake ran a hand through his hair, tangling his fingers in his curls. “Fuck. No. That’s not it. I just don’t know if I’m in a place where I’m able to juggle two things that are so important, and that I want to dedicate this much time to.”

She scoffed. “Are you really trying to pull the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line with me, DeBrusk?” That stung. She never called him by his last name, not even when they started dating. It was J, or babe, or even Jake if she was particularly annoyed, but never just DeBrusk.

“Would it make you feel better if I was?”

Shadi shook her head. “It’s worse. Don’t you know that it’s worse? Because then there’s not anything I feel like I could have done differently. Nothing I could have done to change your mind.” Her eyes drifted down to her right hand, where the gorgeous pearl ring Jake had gotten her for their anniversary just a month prior sat on her ring finger. “You said you were going to marry me one day,” Shadi said, sliding her fingertips down to the band and gently twisting it off. Her hand felt bare, even though it had only been there for a month. Jake’s breath caught in his throat. Never make a promise you can’t keep.

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

God, sometimes Shadi just felt so fucking stupid. She almost felt naive, shortsighted from not listening to her friends in Boston, or people back home who warned her about Jake.“You know his reputation. You know how hockey players are” Shadi couldn’t count the number of times people had told her that, and the number of times she hadn’t listened. “He doesn’t stick with any one girl.” “I know you like him, but he’s only going to break your heart.” But the thing was, he hadn’t. Jake had made it clear, straight from the start of their relationship, that they were exclusive, and he backed it up. She wore his jersey to games, went as his date to all the Bruins fundraisers, and took the week off to come with him when he was selected for the All-Star Game. Jake knew his reputation better than anyone, and that’s why he was so committed to making sure she knew that he wasn’t the kind of guy everyone kept trying to peg him as. And Shadi had never felt so much pride then when she was able to turn around, prove them wrong, and say: “You see? He’s never done anything to hurt me, and he’s not about to start now.”

But she couldn’t, not anymore. She couldn’t, because they all had been right and he had broken his promises and her heart and now she was crying in a bar with her best friend on a Friday night and had no clue how to get a grip of her feelings. She pounded back another beer, barely even stopping to swallow before ordering a fourth round. Or was it a fifth? She didn’t know, and at that point, she really didn’t care.

I get drunk, but it's not enough/’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

Sometime past one but before her next door neighbor’s chihuahua always started barking at two, Shadi stumbled into her apartment. She unstrapped her heels and placed them haphazardly by the door as she walked down to the bathroom, reaching around the cupboard for her toothpaste. Teeth were brushed and flossed, and she had shed nearly all of her clothes by the time she reached her bed. She grabbed the nearest sweatshirt to pull over her body as makeshift pajamas, only half paying attention. Shadi was too tired to look too closely; if she had, she would have noticed that it was a Bruins hoodie, the very first one Jake had ever given to her, a month and a half into their relationship.

It seemed like Shadi had barely drifted off to sleep when she was woken up by the sound of frantic knocks on her door. Her first thought was something was wrong with Clara, who lived down the hall, that she wasn’t feeling well or needed to be talked out of texting her ex-girlfriend. It had happened before. But then she realized that Clara would have called first. Then her thought was a fire somewhere, but she didn’t smell smoke and her alarm hadn’t gone off. The knocking persisted. “Okay, okay, I’m coming. You’re going to wake up the whole building,” Shadi grumbled, throwing back the covers and padding out to the living room, pants be damned.

She tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes, the harsh light of the hallway fluorescents the first thing she noticed as the door swung open. The second thing was the person standing in front of it. It was Jake. His hand was frozen in the air, like he was about to knock for a fourth time if she hadn’t answered. “What are you doing here?” she whispered, her voice small. She didn’t trust it to speak any louder.

Jake’s breath hitched as he noticed what she was wearing. His sweatshirt. He stuffed his hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out her pearl ring. The same one she had taken off the day he left, the same one he had given her when his thoughts of the future were filled with big houses and weddings and kids’ birthday parties. He held it out to her. “I had to see you.”

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