#the one who's suffered the most physical abuse out of the whole group

[hyperfixiation-station]

I really like digging into details, and I was thinking that maybe you can make a list of hcs of Simon in a fight? Don’t spare your words I really think it’s interest your view of him 🥰

CW: Mentions of abuse, sa, addiction, canon typical violence So I wasn’t 100% what you were looking for so I decided to go for both him fighting in a professional setting (ie. training/sparring), and also in public(ie. bar fights). Also, this got way longer than I intended so sorry about that. I hope you like it :)) Also sorry for how aggressive this starts out lol And, as always, this is not edited so please let me know if there are any mistakes :3

First off, I do not agree with the whole oH he’S iN tHe miLiTarY, he HaS tO kEeP hIs CoOl sentiment. This is not a true statement, for anyone in the military.(I am willing to explain this if anyone has questions) Ghost isn’t going to get kicked out because he has anger issues. Not to mention that he is a part of a highly specialized group, the rules are much more lax. However he doesn’t really need to worry about it, because he doesn't go around picking fights. 

Like I said in my previous post, he spent his childhood being abused, he does not take pleasure in physically hurting those weaker than him. He would not hurt new recruits, civilians, or his squadmates. In fact, the only times he will physically fight people outside of work is if they start it. (ie. people threatening him and his, men who won’t leave women alone at bars, and one time a guy he saw kicking a dog) 

Now don’t get me wrong, he has major anger issues, but he has a handle on them, for the most part. He is not going to fight a recruit because they are mouthing off. He might pit them against Gaz to humble them a bit, but again, he does not take pleasure in hurting those weaker than him. 

In a fight, he is ruthless and efficient. It's rare for him to draw out a fight, and only when he is trying to make the target suffer.

He uses his height and muscle mass against his opponents, 9/10 being able to overpower them with sheer force.

He loves knives, collects them actually. The action of slamming a blade up to the hilt in someone's neck is muscle memory for him.

He taunts his opponents, throwing them off their game by lashing out at their insecurities. (Or telling really bad jokes if he's sparring with Soap)

He doesn't like fighting, but he knows he can never stop. Since the moment he was born he's been fighting. It's in his blood and he knows it. The euphoria he feels when he leaves the battlefield or the ring scares him. He's worried that one day he is going to take his bloodlust home.

Okay now onto professional/work-endorsed fight hc’s

This man is not afraid to throw hands. He is 6’2 and 220 pounds of pure muscle. In hand-to-hand combat, he could take pretty much anyone on and win, and everybody knows it.(Think Prison Break. Ghost went out with a knife and a pistol and took out a buttload of Shadows with just Soap guiding him from the cameras.) Any mission that is Close Quarters Combat, Ghost is sent in. 

He has fought a recruit once. It took him about 10 seconds to pin the kid, and another 10 seconds for him to tell Price he was never training a recruit like that again. (tbh I don’t think that the 141 trains new recruits, but for the sake of getting my point across I am going to hc it.)

Soap and Price are the only ones he is willing to spar with. While Soap is much shorter, he has muscle that rivals Ghost’s and can hold his own pretty well. Gaz asked to spar once but Ghost refused. Although Gaz is close to him in height, he is far too skinny for Ghost to feel okay with fighting. 

Soap is agile and intelligent, landing heavy and precise blows before darting out of reach, but is too hot-headed and doesn’t think through his movements half-the time. Ghost is good at reading people, and he knows when to bait Soap and tire him out, and when he needs to take control of the situation. 

Ghost studies Soap’s (or any of his opponents really) body with a warrior's mind. In training, when they are clad in gym shorts and a T-shirt, he can tell which way the Scotsman is going to lunge just based on the way his muscles tense. In the field it is a bit harder, his targets usually clad from head to toe, hiding and protecting their bodies, but there are still signs. Just a twitch of the eye or a shift in weight are enough to give him the upper hand. As any child that is a product of a dysfunctional home can attest, he grew up watching these signs in his father, it wasn't too hard to translate those survival skills from childhood to military life. 

If they end up training recruits, Price will have them line up and watch as Soap and Ghost go at it. Ghost enjoys that fear in their eyes when he grabs Johnny's wrist and yanks down, uses his free hand to push the opposite shoulder back, and sweeps his legs out from under him all in one swift move. The collective oooooh from the greenies, and the sight of Soap gasping for breath makes him almost smile. He actually does smile when he watches Soap pull it on Gaz a week later. (It takes Soap exactly 3 tries to figure out how to avoid Ghost when he tries to pull it, and another 3 for him to try it on Gaz and get it right). 

Price, and eventually Soap, can always tell when Ghost needs an outlet for his pent-up anger. When he gets mouthy one of them will take him to the mats and spar until they’re both exhausted and soaked in sweat. 

In the field it is a lot less fun and games. There is no subduing or tap outs, it is kill or be killed. Gaz understands why Ghost refuses to spar with him after he’s sent on a mission with him and watches in almost awe as the man lives up to his legend and comes out victorious in a 4v1. Banged up and in need of medical care, but victorious. 

Now onto the public

Honestly I don’t think adult Ghost gets into too many fights outside of work. Teen Ghost got into fights all the time, but adult Ghost has a better handle. However when he does get into a fight, it’s usually his fault, because he provoked the person into swinging. He has a way with words, a terrifying ability to pick out a person's insecurities and use them against them. He rips into people's emotions, and when most of the public places he frequents are bars, his targets are easily riled up. He doesn’t necessarily go looking for fights, he just enjoys pissing people off. 

Like I’ve said before, Ghost is not a heavy drinker. He was surrounded by addicts his whole life, he knows what alcohol and drugs can do to a person. He would never drink himself to the point of oblivion. He may have a drink or two when he and Johnny go out to the bar, might even let himself get a little tipsy if the squad is celebrating something huge, but he never gets drunk to the point where he can’t function. Because of this, any fight he gets into in a bar is resolved within seconds. One solid punch to the jaw, and the drunken asshole pawing at some young girl drops to the floor. A person who can’t even stand up straight has no chance against a member of Special Forces. 

He doesn’t take cheap shots. He’s not gonna kick a guy when they’re down. Once his opponent hits the ground, he stops. He very rarely loses control and just keeps going. 

He has been in a couple of bar fights, one time he took a bottle of alcohol to the head and had a hard time trying to explain to Price why he was given 15 stitches and a week's medical leave.(Not that he took it)

Sorry there's not a lot for this one. I just don’t see adult Simon getting into that many unwarranted fights. He will fuck a guy up if he’s harassing you, or any woman for that matter, he’ll step in if someone gets too rowdy at the bar, if they swing he’ll swing back, and he does not respond to threats against him and his very well,  but things like that really don’t happen to often in his way of life. 

Fight club(sorry I just keep going 😅😭)

This is a bit ooc, but I thought it was fun nonetheless

Soap takes him to a fight club once, just to watch, but Ghost is enthralled. Soap comes back from getting pretzels to an empty bench. He panics for a second before his gaze moves to the ring, where Ghost stands in a t-shirt and shorts, a plain balaclava hiding his face. Soap makes a lot of money that night. 

Ghost finds a new pass-time in this ‘fight-club’ that Soap showed him. It’s a great way to release pent-up energy when he is on leave, and he always leaves feeling relaxed and less volatile. 

When the memories and nightmares get too much for him, he goes and pounds it out in the ring. He finds  a man of his size and skill, and they become sparring partners almost every time.. Despite the broken ribs, he leaves feelings much happier. Price, however, is not when he hears that Ghost will be out of commission for at least a month. 

He goes by the nickname Reaper. (He let Soap pick it out, and regrets that decision deeply)

He enjoys the fight club almost more than he enjoys sparring with Soap. He enjoys being able to fight for fun rather than survival. The anonymity he’s allowed and the money that comes from winning is a nice bonus.

He still keeps to himself, declining his opponents/partners attempts to get a phone number or offers to grab a drink. 

If he’s married, you notice that he’s not quite as harsh when he gets back from deployments as he used to be. Though you don’t like his bruised knuckles and bloody noses, if this is what helps him process his trauma then so be it.

He takes you sometimes, to watch. You like watching him win, like the way the clothes cling to his muscled frame, but the sight of his face getting punched in is one you'd rather never see again.

They offer self-defense classes, and he signs you up. He had already taught you some self-defense tips, where to aim and how to hit in the even of an emergency, but he'd rather you have someone to practice with so you know what to do.

Extra(aka sad stuff)

I know that Ghost is not superhuman or immortal, but this man is a beast. He survived an abusive childhood, being kidnapped, tortured, assaulted, and the massacre of his whole family. He can fight through incredible amounts of pain, and is ruthless and blood thirsty. In a life or death situation, all morals go out the window, and he will do what it takes to survive. He’s not proud of it. 

When he holds his newborn son for the first time he almost panics. The fragile baby body feels wrong in his scarred, war-torn hands. He sits on the bed for a long time after you take the baby to put him down, just staring at his hands. His fingers curl and uncurl in his palm as he tries to get the image of crushing his baby's fragile skull like he's crushed the throats of his enemies out of his head. It takes hours for the feeling of blood to fade from his skin.

Anywayyys, I hope this is what you were looking for, and again, sorry for the length 😅 Let me know what you think and/or if you want more headcannons in the future :))

#sorry this is just me rambling #simon ghost riley #cod fanfic #ghost x reader #no beta we die like men #ghost fanfiction #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #cod #cod x reader #ghost headcanons #cod headcanons #I don't even know if there is a point to half of these lol #angst

[thedroloisms]

just an essay bc it's been on my mind but the way that victimhood becomes a weapon on social media is so fucking stupid and counterintuitive to actual advocacy. people wielding "im a victim" as a defense not only in situations actually involving their specific case but also in basically every damn situation in the world is so ???? even in cases involving dream, for example, i will see people using his history as a means of defending him (it's really fucked up that you would accuse a victim of ___, he's an abuse victim i'm sure he won't defend ___ and that he'll ___) and while i understand where that sentiment comes from, the base assumption it's making is...nakedly untrue. and assuming its truthfulness can hurt victims moreso than it helps them.

being a victim isn't moralizing. being a victim doesn't make you a good person. suffering isn't absolution, and going through fucked up shit doesn't make someone "good." people equate abuser = bad person and victim = good person, and then assume that victims are incapable of abusive behavior or "problematic" internalized ideas. an abuser can't be neurodivergent, or mentally ill, or part of a marginalized group, and most importantly an abuser can't be a victim. the boxes of victim and abuser are strictly defined with no overlap. once you've been through something truly, verifiably, Fucked Up (tm), congrats! you get a certificate of eternal victimhood that prevents you from ever being a Real Bad Person ever for the rest of your life.

only that's not how real life works! it's just not! generational trauma leads to cycles of abuse that perpetuate themselves over whole generations of people! the kids that think that it's perfectly fine and a-okay for a parent to physically punish their children don't tend to be the ones with parents that don't lay a finger on them! and you know, it sucks. it sucks that you get nothing out of being hurt, that there's no fucking prize, that there are no suffering vouchers for you to cash in because of the abuse you suffered that can give you good-person-points. it sucks to endure all that shit for nothing. but the opposite idea of suffering making you a good person is the exact reason why some people preach about the miles they walked to school in the driving rain to excuse taking out their shitty temper on their small children.

being abused generally doesn't make one "better." if anything, trauma tends to fuck you up in ways that hurt you...and others. going through shit tends to make people worse. working to get better is something that requires actual conscious effort, not something that you are given as a side effect of going through hell. over and over again, traumatized individuals who are made to feel powerless and given little freedom and ability to change their circumstances, when in a situation where they are given power to some degree over some person, may choose to abuse that power while they're in their own abusive situation or after. part of being a victim of abuse often means having a distorted view of the abuse you've been through! it can mean normalizing fucked up behavior! looking at shit and treating it lightly because you've been taught that it's "not that bad," if you've been taught that it's bad at all! victims aren't granted perfect ideologies from god because they walked through flames--cult survivors usually have to unlearn all sorts of messed up beliefs that were drilled into them--beliefs that many people on twitter would then damn them for, because obviously if you've thought something like that in the past then you're a bigoted hateful individual.

i can only speak from my own experience, but i can't fucking count the number of people i've heard of or met or known personally who have been through some kind of trauma in the past, who are undoubtably victims of abuse, who then go on to act in toxic, manipulative, and abusive ways to others. oftentimes, these people are aware of the fact that they were in abusive situations in the past and make quite a big deal about the fact that they care about victims, as a victim, and want to advocate for them. they're the same people who react extremely negatively to anyone alluding to the idea that they could be abusive--they're not like that, they've been abused, how could anyone accuse them of abusing another person, don't they know how much that hurts with their history. and so on and so forth.

and...i have a lot of sympathy for these individuals, generally speaking. because as mentioned above, being abused in the past doesn't necessarily make it harder for you to be a perpetrator in the future. sometimes--oftentimes, even--it's the opposite. and i feel for them, because going through trauma and being hurt makes you scramble for ways to not be hurt again, and oftentimes the easiest answer for that (and the ways of solving problems as modeled to them in the past!) is control, and controlling another party can very easily slip into manipulative, abusive behavior. especially if you still have internalized ideas mixed in with the fear that surviving abuse entails, internalized ideas that are often left unexamined by people who believe that their victimhood absolves them from any further responsibility. i feel for people who are deathly afraid of ever being seen as terrible people, oftentimes because of the shit that they went through, who seek explanations for their abusers' behavior that make it so much easier to simplify the matter into "they're something separate from me, something that i can never become." i sympathize with the anger and fear and frustration and grief that might never had had a healthy outlet while in a past situation that ends up poured out into places where it shouldn't be in the present, i sympathize with the desire to find reason in being hurt where it doesn't exist, to want there to be something to make the whole damn thing worth it instead of having nothing to take with you but your pain.

but at the end of the day, that's not how life works. that's not how abuse works. yeah, there are abusers who are cruel for cruelty's sake, who are aware of the harm they do and desire to cause more--and there are just as many who genuinely believe that they're doing the right thing, that they're doing good, that they care for the one that they're hurting unselfishly and wholeheartedly. there are many, many people who hurt others because they have been hurt before, and this isn't an excuse--of course not--but refusing to acknowledge the ways that pain can perpetuate itself and blinding oneself to the possibility of their own actions ever being abusive can literally be how this pain continues. it's good to be self aware, it's good to want to do the right thing, but assuming that victims are good people because of the suffering they went through not only means that so-called "bad victims" (or anyone that's not yet Acceptably untangled the thought patterns and actions that have been normalized to them, or anyone who lashes out in quote-unquote appropriate ways as judged by whatever social media council is handing out social justice tickets for the week) get overlooked and ignored, but abusive patterns of behavior are allowed to continue to exist, just in a repackaged form with different language. it's not fair to victims to nail them to this standard of so-called righteousness that is also inextricably connected to their experiences, allowed to be revoked if they're too "abuser" to be "victim" anymore, or to overlook the victims of their behavior because their inherent suffering-borne righteousness keeps them from crossing the line into bad behavior.

at the end of the day, no one deserves abuse, victims deserve to be advocated for, and people who have been through horrific shit didn't deserve to go through horrific shit. but you don't get handed get-out-of-jail-free cards for being treated badly, you know?

#abuse #like ugh it's complicated #but i need people to stop using victimhood as a catchall excuse #and this isn't criticism of like. dr eam btw #who really hasn't ever used anything re: his experiences as an excuse as far as i can remember #it's one thing to say that 'these situations affected my actions' which is half of what this essay is abt #because yeah. going through shit affects your actions ... and not always for the better. #now the other ccs whose opinions ive been unwillingly subjected to over the last few weeks ? lol. lmao. #like look this idea of victimhood earning anyone anything is inherently damaging and completely untrue #sympathy and understanding extended towards abuse victims shouldn't be dependent on the morality points that they falsely earn #as a result of going through fucked up shit

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

Someone DM me insisting that Belos is a Hate Sink unlike Lord Voldemort because "their fantasy crimes are too unrealistic to be hated" unlike Belos who "is a human planning to murder all the witches, who are highly similar to humans." And I'm like, did you even read Harry Potter (I mean, there are legit reasons not to)?

"This fantasy wizard who is planning witch genocide is too unrealistic unlike that other fantasy wizard who is also planning witch genocide!!"

No seriously, it's funny because Belos and Voldemort have a lot of similarities and to say that one is more realistic than the other is absurd: Both are former humans who perverted and destroyed their bodies through the misuse of magic, both see their group as superior to another group that is just minding its own business, both seek to destroy said group because of that preconceived sense of superiority. Both even brand their followers with magical tattoos to signify that difference! The causes of their motivation are different but they are functionally the same.

Back when Harry Potter was the biggest fandom in the world, a lot of people made comparisons to Voldemort's Death Eaters to the Nazis; both are obsessed with blood purity and seek to rid the world of those they consider impure and to have their supreme leader rule everyone.

Like, it's really obvious.

The fantasy genre as a whole has an escapist element and a common plot that pops up a lot is the "diverse group of heroes set out to destroy the Big Evil trying to take over the world as Supreme Dictator For Life." It's an easy Good vs. Bad plot and if you add in how the Big Bad oppresses people based on physical traits, beliefs, etc. then you can easily read a political angle as well.

And honestly, really good and memorable villains will have that real world element to make the threat more believable and engaging for the audience: Voldemort is basically Wizard Hitler, Darth Vader is an authoritarian, etc. So the idea that a villain is so hated because their "fantasy crimes are too realistic" is laughable.

(Also, as a side note, it's really funny that that person said that TOH witches are really similar to humans while HP witches and wizards are literally just humans without any pointy ears to physically distinguish them from Muggles.)

I honestly think the reason why Belos is so hated is because of Hunter--full stop. If he wasn't abusive toward Hunter and people didn't project their own feelings onto Hunter and see how relatable his situation is, then I doubt Belos would get this much vitriolic hate. (We're also in this very strange time where some younger fans seem to think that liking a villain means you support their actions.)

I think that's the element of realism that triggers people the most; compare Voldemort to Umbridge, people can like Voldemort and not get flamed for it but EVERYONE in the HP fandom hates Dolores Umbridge. While Voldemort is more of a typically fantasy villain, Umbridge feels like a person you could meet in real life. She's a bureaucrat who takes over the school and enforces her oppressive and nonsensical laws with an iron fist. Power wise, she doesn't stand out from the other wizards but she has institutional power, which makes her terrifying as a villain. It's easier to defeat the one Big Bad and save the day but it's damn near impossible to destroy the System that makes little Umbridges every day.

Again, I think that what triggers people about Belos is how he treats Hunter not the whole witch genocide thing or "colonization" because the show spends more time showing us how much Hunter suffers than the whole Boiling Isles.

#asks #the owl house #emperor belos #philip wittebane #harry potter #voldemort #dolores umbridge #villains #fandom shenanigans

[sweetsuenos]

The way IOTNBO uses food and hunger as love and the desire to be loved!!

In the beginning we see Moonyoung walk into her dark and abandoned family home. She crawls onto a cold bed and in a small defeated voice, says "I'm hungry." Then the show immediately cuts to sizzling meat and a group of people eating a warm meal together.

Later, Juri's mom comments that when she met Moonyoung as a child that she seemed malnourished and that she devoured a bowl of rice as if it was her first time having a home cooked meal. (As if it was her first time experiencing warmth!)

On her birthday, she doesn't go out for a fancy meal. She asks Juri's mom to make her seaweed soup, a birthday tradition she most likely never really got to participate in, and a dish that often times is made by one's mother, one's father, at the very least bought by someone who loves them..

Later when Moonyoung stops eating, after she is devastated to learn that her mother killed the mother of the two people she loves most, (an event that traumatized them their whole life) Sangtae says he'll only forgive her if she'll eat the porridge he has brought her. She begs for his forgiveness over and over again but all he cares about is feeding her a warm meal to ease her suffering.

Moonyoung stops eating again later, deciding to live alone because she thinks she is only a burden to others. She's going to return to how she lived before they came into her life, a bottomless pit of hunger never satiated, never eating at home, never participating in the communal eating of food, of sharing warmth at meals, belly and heart always empty, empty! Gangtae notices her not eating, so everyone gathers together to formulate a plan just trick her into going to Juri's house for a meal. Juri's mom tells her a lot of planning went into feeding her just once so she should just eat, they even had Gangtae send over a list of her favorite foods so they'd be ready for her! Moonyoung cries and asks Juri's mom why everyone is so nice to her when they're not even her family, because even her family never loved her, only abused or ignored her. After hearing the answer, she wipes her tears and diligently gets to work eating, as if to honor and accept the affection these people have for her.

In her book "The Zombie Kid" Moonyoung uses the zombie kid as a metaphor for herself. She sees herself as someone who just has the need to eat, someone who can't feel emotions, who doesn't need love. But the last line of her own book questions that idea: What did the child really want? To just be fed? Or his mother's warmth? The show takes the self deprecating view she has of herself as unfeeling and only needing to satisfy her most basic needs, and flips it to reveal the truth. That she isn't an emotionless zombie, she's just been traumatized by abuse and never knew real love. They are saying her hunger is not just physical like she pretends it is, it is deeply emotional! She hungers for the love of a parent, the love of a friend, and the love of a partner! And by the end of the show she has healed and is surrounded by people who have become the family she never had, who worry themselves with feeding her even once, just because they love her!

#sorry but...crying over them again #it's okay to not be okay #사이코지만 괜찮아 #ko moon young #고문영 #moon gang tae #문강태 #moon sang tae #문상태 #nam ju ri #남주리 #kang soon deok #강순덕

[thefinalboss387]

Takuto Maruki Appreciation Post

I recently finished my very first ever playthrough of Persona 5 Royal. And I have to say, as much as I was enjoying Persona 5 right from the beginning, I did not expect to meet a character that would become one of my favorite characters of all time. Takuto Maruki is SUCH. A. GREAT. CHARACTER and I have a lot of thoughts to obsessively pour out so.... spoilers abound, y’all!

For anyone that doesn’t know, Persona 5 is a game that draws inspiration from a lot of real-world psychological theories and research. The most basic way I can think to describe the game’s plot is, a group of teens - who call themselves the Phantom Thieves - dive into the psyches of a bunch of evil adults and change their cognition to make them feel remorse for their crimes and turn themselves in.

When the first big target of the game, an abusive teacher, is defeated, the school brings in a counselor to talk with the students and help them process their grief and traumas. This counselor is Dr. Maruki, one of the very few genuinely nice, caring adult characters in the game. He’s humble, selfless, kind of dorky, and treats the students as equals, genuinely wanting to make them comfortable and help them through their issues.

Spoiler alert: He is also the final boss of the game.

But, here’s the thing... Even though he becomes a major antagonist that the Phantom Thieves have to take down, there is no “AHA!” moment where he suddenly becomes a mustache-twirling villain or reveals that he was a monster all along. No, even as an antagonist, Maruki stays the selfless, caring soul he always was. For the first time, the game gives us an antagonist that isn’t a cartoon villain - it comes down to a clash of ideals, and questionable methods to achieve an arguably noble cause, that makes the Phantom Thieves need to stop him. And, for the first time, stopping him isn’t something the group feels good about doing. Even during his final boss fight, he never gets malicious or nasty, he begs you to see “reason” and accept his help, and he regrets that it’s come to having to fight over it.

All throughout the game (and, it’s worth noting, Persona 5 Royal is a very long game), Maruki befriends each of the protagonists, talks to them about their desires and fears, gets to know them. He becomes very popular with the whole student body. He reaches out to Ren Amamiya, the main protagonist and playable character, for help on a research paper he is working on, engaging in conversations about the topic of cognitive psience and curing psychological wounds the way you can cure physical ones.

Late in the game, Maruki essentially gains godlike powers (long story), and uses them to do exactly that - he alters the cognition of literally everyone to change reality and create a perfect utopia where everyone is happy, and psychological pain and trauma do not exist. People that have died are suddenly alive again, abusive parental figures are suddenly picture-perfect mentors, a cat that thinks he’s a human suddenly is a human....

Maruki essentially brainwashes the masses to make them happy and free of trauma. The issue is, it also undoes a lot of the growth and self-reflection that comes from pain. The utopia he creates is static, people are no longer really growing or thinking for themselves. They’re happy, but they are no longer the people their pasts shaped them into.

You later find out that Maruki himself is a deeply traumatized, wounded, tragic man. He essentially has a messiah complex, taking away everyone’s pain and trauma and enduring it all himself. The ability he uses to alter the masses’ cognition is an ability he had (to a lesser extent) for a while now. When the love of his life suffered a home invasion and lost her parents in the senseless violence, she became catatonic and depressed, so he used his ability to make her forget that trauma - which also made her forget him. He chose to walk away and let her live happily without him, to avoid triggering any unhappy memories in her by his mere presence.

In the late stages of the game where he creates an entirely new reality, he could just brainwash the protagonists, but he desperately wants them to choose his reality and want his help, and is willing to fight fairly for his ideals when they choose not to.

He truly believes that what he is doing is right, and in certain points of view it kind of is right. He’s not hurting anyone - in fact, he is openly removing any hurt from everyone’s lives. Even his final boss music is REALLY freakin’ weird for a final boss theme, as catchy and amazing as it is. You wouldn’t expect a climactic final battle song to have lyrics like “You deserve better”, “It doesn’t have to be like this”, “We don’t need to have this conflict”, etc.

My favorite characters are usually villains. I LOVE villains. Maruki has easily become one of my favorite characters of all time, but honestly, he is NOT a villain. He’s an antagonist, but there is not an “evil” bone in Maruki’s body. He is a kind, selfless, wounded soul that really wanted to take away everyone’s pain and suffering so they never had to feel as empty or as broken as him.

In a lot of ways, I see myself in Maruki. I have a lot of trauma and pain in my past. I work with kids, and am in a role where they open up to me and I help them out of similar holes I fell into as a child. The best way to battle your inner demons is to help other people vanquish theirs. If I suddenly fell into godlike powers tomorrow, would I try to do something similar with that power? Hard to say, but it’s a fascinating thing to think about.

#Takuto Maruki #Persona 5 Royal #Maruki #Persona 5 Maruki #Persona 5

[thewitchoftherock]

my grandmother died the other day and I wanna talk about it.

Trigger warning under the cut: I’m talking about death and Narcissistic abuse

Still here? Good.

IDGAF that she’s dead. I’m *happy* about it.

Some of you might remember when my mother died, and I got some feelings out about that in my fanfic. I introduced Double Trouble’s mother and she was just a *peach* wasn’t she. And like yeah, seeing her die was rough in the way I imagine it would he hard to see *anyone* die. HOWEVER, I still maintain that the world is a better place with her gone!

Now my grandmother is gone, and by the gods I feel the same way! And I have a very limited number of people I can share that with because:

1) “Oh but she’s your grandmother.”

2)”you shouldn’t be happy when *anyone* dies”

3)”you should really learn to *forvigve* people.

4) “Oh, well, you just didn’t understand her.

5)”you shouldn’t hate anyone like that!”

And like, fuck ALL THAT.

Yeah, she was my grandmother. She was also awful, encouraged my mother to beat me because I wasn’t a lady-like, ‘good’ kid. (ADHD = too loud and talkative for her tastes)

I shouldn’t be happy when anyone dies? Do you know me? I made an Atlantic bottom feeders sticker pack called “Eat the Rich: Deep sea edition” when the Titan exploded with billionaires in it! There are people who made the world a better place by their *Absence*

Why the fuck should I forgive her? She never asked for my forgiveness, never did anything to make up for the years of abuse to not just be, but her other children! GODS, you think I have issues with my mother? My grandmother was *So much worse*

No, I didn’t understand her. She never made an effort to know or understand me either. The different is, however, that 1) I was a child, and 2) My lack of understanding didn’t lead me to inflict emotional abuse on her! (I escaped the physical abuse, and maybe I’ll tell a story about that one day.)

Now.. here’s the big one.

You shouldn’t hate anyone.

OK! LET’S TALK ABOUT HATE.

When Witchy was a wee little child, she was not a badass “Fuck around, find out” Traditional witch. She was a Good Christian Girl. No even joking. I got confirmed and everything though the Catholic Church. I went to church youth group. My dad had nearly become a Jesuit Priest, but didn’t and ended up just being super religious all his life. Now, in Christanity, Hate is a grave sin. I don’t know what other denominations are like with that, but the Catholics are hardcore on it.

And for most of my life, I hated. I felt awful about it. I *prayed* not to hate. My evil step mother was a “love and light” new -ager (wouldn’t be surprised if she followed that mother god missus) and I tried to follow that as a teen as well.

Didn’t work and i just hated myself more.

Flash forward 15 years. I’m finally medicated for depression, and learning who I am. I rediscover witchcraft, and start learning.. and learn that you gotta do shadow work. SO, one night I’m struggling with these feelings of HATING THE SHIT out of people and WISHING THEY WOULD DIE. But THIS TIME instead of pushing that part of me deep deep down, I pulled it up. I looked at that part of me like it was another person and started questioning it, and learned something important.

That part of people hated people who had hurt me. They wanted them dead and gone so that *I would not be hurt like that again*

That part of me wasn’t evil, it was hurt and scared. It wanted to protect me!

That was the day I learned that hate isn’t just hate. The part of you that hates another is the part of you that loves you the most. Yeah, maybe don’t act on that hate, but don’t judge yourself or push it down either! Acknowledge it, and let yourself say “I hate this person BECAUSE.”

I hate my grandmother because she was an awful person.

I hate my grandmother for only being able to show love to a single child, and letting the rest suffer.

I hate my grandmother for being so bitter and spiteful her whole life that she twisted my grandfather so that by the time I was around all I had were stories about how he used to be so loving and doting.

I hate my grandmother for continuing the cycle of abuse though the family.

I hate my grandmother for never having a single good thing to say about me, and making her favouritism of the soft, quiet, feminine girls in the family so obvious.

My grandmother is dead, and the world is a better place.

…. But the real question you might be asking: why are you telling us, strangers on the internet, all this?

BECAUSE NOBODY SAYS IT! Because I know so many people who have these feelings and feel like shit about it. I see so little support and understanding for people who celebrate the death of their abusers, especially when it’s a maternal figure. I see it more with PATERNAL figures, but not Maternal ones! And while we’re getting better, I STILL SEE PEOPLE being all “Oh, but she’s family/you should forgive FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT/you shouldn’t celebrate anyone’s death/you shouldn’t hate anyone.”

Fuck that noise.

Your hate is valid, and some people make the world a better place by leaving it.

#narcissistic abuse #mother #grandmother #death #hate #shadow work #therapy #I probably need more therapy and i am on the waiting list #DW #ding dong the bitch is dead

[isleofdarkness]

How does Frollo’s cult work? Who’s in it? What threat does it pose to the isle and any outsiders? Do they target certain people? And does it clash with any preexisting groups? What are the Vks thoughts on it? Also are/were there any notable kids in the similar situation as Claudine, did she consider them siblings or friends?

Warning for under the cut- in-depth discussion of a fictional cult, a lot of talk about childhood sexual abuse and the impacts, both physical and psychological, it has, mentions of ableism, racism, ethnophobia, and other bigotry, mention of murder attempts and torture, the cult has intentions of genocide, mentions of indoctrination and toxic masculinity, mentions of child death, mentions of self-harm and self-mutilation, gender-based abuse, swearing, tell me if I need to add more cause this is so dark

Frollo's cult is founded on the idea that all magic is inherently evil and must be wiped out. Due to King Beast having a happy Isle finger, the magic and non-magic populations are pretty even. Most of the non-magic population have suffered in some way because of magic users, magic creatures, magic artefacts, whatever. Frollo promised them protection from the magic menace on the Isle. His church and the catacombs beneath it were a sanctuary that would protect them from such abomination. Frollo's cult includes a lot of civilians, such as people from Belle's village, people ripped out of Underland before the realm vanished, the guards who terrorized Aladdin, as well as some actual villains such as Madam Medusa, Mr Snoops, Monsieur D'Arque (an example of how magic can be "cured,") just a whole lot of human villains. Frollo could convince you the sky has polka dots, he's very convincing. He convinced everyone in his cult that magic was the root of their suffering, that it was the root of all evil in the world and that if magic were eliminated, "normal" people like them could be happy and safe. He's actually got a massive portion of the non-magic population either in his cult or allied with his cult.

The cult poses way more of a threat than it does, and let me explain that. Maverick Mim created her network in direct response to what Frollo was doing and the two have been at war for decades (I stress to you that this was a big enough deal that Maverick left everything she ever knew and estranged herself from her mother when she was three. She watched Frollo burn down houses, beat people in the streets, kill children, and she watched her madre do nothing about it.) Maverick Mim has made herself such a massive threat because of Frollo's cult. He's the reason she begged Facilier to teach her how to read when she was three, so that she could read history books and fiction stories and get access to as many magical powers as she could. He's the reason she's basically a terrorist (morally she's right in bombing immortals who got too big for their britches, legally she's wrong,) why Maverick's Mile is both the safest and most dangerous place on the Isle, why Maverick is making this a "you attack one of us you attack all of us" thing. If she stepped down and let him do his shit, hundreds of Isle children would die. The adults would go to war and those few who would survive the massacre would get drawn into it. And if Maverick Mim, Magical Public Enemy no1, dies? That means the people who have sold their souls to her because they need to be immortal (such as Mara, who contains horrors beyond comprehension and is actively needed to make sure the fucking shedim don't come back,) can die, and they will die. And if that happens? There would not be enough salt on Earth to protect them from the Hell that would be unleashed. Basically, Frollo's cult is a massive threat for reasons most people will never understand. The only reason they don't understand is because of Maverick.

They target the magic users they can get away with targeting. Several of the adults were burned in the first few years and many babies were murdered for who their parents were. Frollo particularly likes targeting the disabled, queer people, people of colour, people who aren't Catholic, etc, and that's most of the Isle. He burned Hades (Hades was fine and a bit annoyed,) he got Facilier tied to an anchor and thrown into sea (he was also fine but it ruined his best shoes and also what the fuck,) he blew up Madam Mim's cottage (Mim herself was fine but the five children in there were not and Maverick ripped his ribs out one by one for that,) he's gone after pretty much everyone at some point and none of the villains can really stop him. In terms of social power, he has as much on the Isle as Maleficent does. He can do whatever he wants and he wants to be shitty and kill people.

It clashes with a good chunk of the preexisting groups and every single one of the new groups. He's clashed with the pirates, with the sea witches, with the Mongols, with Maleficent's army, with the gods, he has tried to kick every ass on the Isle.

The VKs pretty much all hate it. You are to get Maverick Mim immediately if someone from that cult so much as sneezes funny so she can come and kick their ass. Considering none of the adults can die and most of the kids want out more than anything it's hard to take direct action, but the Isle is nothing if not creative. For example, one time Frollo went out to try and recruit people and Harry and Jay, despite not dating, very openly started making out the second he could see them. Like it was a full display. Nowadays there's even a fun club dedicated to doing homosexual stuff to drive Frollo back into his cave when he steps out. Isle kids hate him so much they're willing to make out with the closest ally of the same gender. Sometimes Lydia will follow him around just to loudly hand out contraception and abortion potions because she hates him. They are openly as sinful as they can possibly be when his cult is around and yeah, it's probably not productive, but none of them have any idea what else they can do. At least this is fun.

There have been a lot of kids in that cult. Rick Ratcliffe, Lydia Snoops, Clay Clayton, and most of the Gaston kids were raised in that cult and yeah, most of the kids in that cult are abused. Lydia and her sister were sexually abused ever since they were babies, to the point where both went through puberty extremely early and both did not have a functioning uterus (Lydia has basically been in menopause ever since she was eight and Aramina had eight ectopic pregnancies before one of them killed her.) Rick was one of the boys used to "cure" lust ("Yeah, because you obviously cure your lust by getting your rocks off to a crying little boy, you fucking idiot,") and is entirely incapable of trusting anyone older than him, even if they're only a few years older than him. Jonas and Bonnie still struggle with thinking of themselves as people because Frollo raised them to believe they were subhuman for being persons of colour. Giles still isn't sure if she's actually bigender or if the abuse she went through (when he mentioned wanting to be a girl, Frollo forced him to present as a girl until he learned his lesson and that lasted years) just made her think she is. Gordon cut off his privates when he was eleven to try and escape the sexual abuse. Some, like Gaston II, Gaston III, and Clay, were taught that because they were men, they had the right to do whatever they wanted to any girl they wanted and they had a duty to uphold masculinity. This cult messes kids up and Lydia puts a lot of effort into getting children out of there.

Lydia's abuse was the most like Claudine's and, even though Claudine doesn't know it, Lydia's the reason she's still alive. Lydia is the one who gives kids food to sneak under the basement door, she was the one who made sure Claudine didn't get pregnant (like Lydia, Claudine went through puberty at an extremely young age and was capable of getting pregnant by the time she was five. Lydia has been making sure that doesn't happen,) she's the one who helps Jay through the catacombs when Claudine needs help, and she still takes some of the sexual abuse even though she hasn't been in the cult since she was eleven. When Lydia was in the cult, she would try to keep them from punishing Claudine by doing something even worse. She's the one who taught Claudine how to pick locks, how to write with her right hand, how to treat wounds, how to take care of her hair (she asked Harriet,) and how to speak a few languages (Frollo raised her with English, French, and Latin and refused to let her learn and "barbaric" tongues. Lydia taught Claudine Spanish, Creole, Arabic, and Navajo.) Every single time Claudine (a tiny, timid, clearly-weak little girl) goes out, she makes sure to hang around in the background because the Isle is full of sickos and Claudine doesn't need to deal with that on top of everything else. Lydia has made it her life's mission to keep Claudine alive and to try and shield her because she doesn't want that sweet little girl to turn out like her. In Lydia's mind, Claudine is kind of like her younger sister. Claudine used to consider Lydia her sister, but she hasn't figured out that the Lydia who used to take care of her is Lydia Snoops. In her defence, Lydia escaped and instantly became the most goth goth to ever goth and she's really hard to recognize.

It's also been years since Claudine has been able to consistently interact with other kids in the cult. Lydia's departure was... well, she went all out, and Frollo didn't want to risk someone like that tempting his repenting daughter into straying from the path of Christ and into the sin of her birth. Claudine needs as much help as she can to stay on the path of God as she's already a creature of inherent sin, so he does everything in his power to keep her weak mind from being tempted. Lydia has made a point multiple times about how he gets tempted and he hates her.

#claudine frollo #lydia snoops #original character #descendants oc #rick ratcliffe #giles legume #gordon legume #gaston ii #gaston iii #the gastons #clay clayton #descendants #descendants au #isle of darkness #the darkness speaks #swearing

[wildissylupus]

Main Character Changes

First change is that there is no longer just three main characters, but five; Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Astoria

Changes to Harry

He is mixed, South Asian-Irish

He is Bisexual

He actively has trauma from, his time with the Dursleys, his time at muggle school, and everything that happens at Hogwarts

Because of the bullying he got in muggle school he has a lot more extreme reactions to students at Hogwarts not liking him on a mass scale, he's fine with individual characters not liking him but if the entire school is against him he will not like it to say the least

I actually establish why the sorting hat was conflicted on where to put him not just say it was conflicted and only focus on Gryffindor and Slytherin. He's still brave and chivalrous but he's also loyal and finds it hard to choose sides when his friends are fighting (Hufflepuff), his sarcasm is his Ravenclaw trait and I plan to show more of Harry's ambition more

He holds a hell of a grudge against people (and it's viewed as an actual character flaw)

It's a lot more obvious that he's an unreliable narrator

Changes to Ron

Ron is trans(ftm) and gay

Like Harry he's stubborn and holds a grudge (again this is a character flaw)

Suffers from a severe inferiority complex (not just random plot point, actual character flaw with arc addressing it)

Because of his big family he finds it harder to make friends outside of his family, making him a little clique-y with the few friends he has outside of his family

I'm going to actually build up to Harry and Ron's falling out in Goblet of Fire instead of it coming out of nowhere (like seriously dude you know the one place Harry would want to be is the spotlight)

The Weasley family as a whole is probably going to be getting more exploration.

I honestly want to explore Ron's interests more because other than being interested in a couple games and being the jokester of the original trio there isn't much there.

I want Ron to seem more like a separate character to Harry, with separate interests, an example of what I have planned is that he actually doesn't want to be in a quidditch team, he just likes watching it and playing casually with his friends and family

Changes to Hermione

She is a black, Jewish and Demi-Sexual

She was sorted into Ravenclaw because one, I wanted Harry to have friends from every house, two, the way Harry, Ron and Hermione become friends doesn't have anything to do with they're house, and three, Hermione being in Ravenclaw would give a good excuse to explore the Ravenclaw common room

She is still the smartest wizard of her generation but she does still struggle in some subjects; Defence Against the Dark Arts, Divination, Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology (she struggles in these subjects because most of them she can't figure out just through theory, essentially for these subjects she's good at the theory but bad at the practical)

Hermione and Neville become friends before she befriends Ron and Harry, Neville also sides with Hermione whenever she gets into a fight with Harry or Ron

I enhanced her stead fast views and more questionable nature, aka she's the one of the group to actually question Dumbledore's competence

Like Harry she was also bullied in the muggle world but whereas Harry's bullying was more physical, Hermione's had more to do with exclusion

She isn't whiny (cause she is described like that in the books) but she does have a hard time accepting people who have a different view points then her, often getting her into fights with other classmates and some teachers (not just people in Slytherin)

Changes to Neville

Honestly nothing has changed about Neville other than his importance to the story

He was sorted into Hufflepuff, same reasoning as Hermione

Draco actually doesn't target him unless he's with the others, Crabbe and Goyle are the ones who target him

I go into both his family life (cause that boy was also being abused, he was angled out a window for Merlin's sake) and the fact that he could have just as easily have been in Harry's position

More moment of him talking about his parents, the group also go with Neville to visit his parents (mostly Hermione)

Out of the entire group he is the least likely one to hold a grudge, though that does make him a bit of a doormat (at least in the first few books)

The group usually study in the Hufflepuff common room cause it's quiet and it's the easiest to get to from the Great Hall

Changes to Astoria

Astoria is Bi, she was sorted into Slytherin

She is introduced in Chamber of Secrets and she befriends Harry first, then Neville, Ron and Hermione take some time to actually accept her as part of the group

She is the sportiest of the group (I add more sports then just Quidditch), she also has a constant tan because of this

She and Draco knew each other when they were younger because he and her sister Daphne were betrothed but after the reveal of her blood curse the arrangement was called off, Astoria and Draco were forbidden from seeing each other again

She still comes from a blood-purist family but she abandoned those views from an early age. She became the black-sheep of the family, this was only increased by the diagnosis of her blood-curse

I will explain blood-curses in a different post but Astoria's blood curse directly effects her ability to cast magic, leading her to need specific charms and potions to medicate so she can cast magic normally

Blood curses are more likely found in pure-blood families, despite this those with blood-curses are seen as "tainted" by pure-blood society

The reason Astoria is so invested in sports is because it one of the only things she can do without having to worry about her curse

#harry potter fic #harry potter series #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #harry potter rewrite #hogwarts #ron weasley #hermione granger #neville longbottom #astoria greengrass

[maryellencarter]

So I've been tussling with how to write this post for some time now.

Uh, the background good news first? I appear to have worked almost an entire pay period and also March is a three paycheck month, so I'm making some very solid progress on getting caught up on my bills, and it seems like this might even continue. I know I tend to be more optimistic than is usually warranted, but 70 hours in my time clock when working all my scheduled hours would put me at 72 is pretty damn impressive, especially compared to how I've been doing for a really long time.

So then I was poking around and trying to figure out what one even does with disposable income. I've been going to a knitting group at a local yarn shop recently (I forget if I mentioned here but a friend was able to get me some KN95 masks and some helpful information about transmission rates so I can socialize safely again! This is probably a big factor in me being less depressed and more worky again also), but I don't really enjoy owning yarn I don't have A Plan for, so right now I've got a cable sweater for Leia, a fancy silk lace scarf, a puffy hexagon blanket, and a crochet baby blanket going, and I just really don't want any more yarn until I finish with one or two of these projects.

Recently, though, as y'all have probably seen, there was an announcement going around about the American Girl doll brand announcing a pair of 1999-themed Historical Character dolls. Because Tumblr is the "we are getting old" website at this point, there were Noises. (They have a Pizza Hut "Book-It" reading program playset. I have never been smacked in the face with nostalgia so hard in my entire life.)

As some of y'all may also remember, I used to have a whole collection of American Girl dolls and furniture and whatnot, because I was trying to do the whole "believe you can be safe and stable now and have the things you were never allowed to have as a kid" thing with a reasonable part of the money I'd inherited from my then recently deceased grandmother (a lovely human being, and by extreme genetic good luck the relative I take after physically, so that I don't have to deal with the whole "growing up to look exactly like my abuser" thing that some people have to suffer through). Then the 2016 election happened, I had a horrible depressive spiral, was unable to work, sold 90% of my collection to pay the rent, eventually became homeless anyway, and lost the other 10% by trusting the wrong person to keep my stuff safe when I had no other options.

ANYWAY! Not the point. The point is that I started poking my nose back into the American Girl website, and then the wiki in order to try to figure out what all I'd missed, and I'm kind of being like "hey, I could hypothetically afford some of this stuff again now".

(I personally find it hilarious that the brand is trying to walk a line between "Addressing trans and nonbinary identities in our helpful book on puberty for preteens? Sure, we'll do that, we're progressive! Also did you say Harry Potter collaboration? That's a license to basically print money from customers who are nostalgic for the same era we were most popular in, let's do this", which is exactly the kind of seesawing I expect from Disney -- who owns American Girl via Mattel.)

So *anyway*, and this is the part of this post I'm really struggling with: I also used to be heavily involved in the part of the American Girl adult collectors fandom that describes itself as "queer-friendly and socially conscious". That part of the fandom runs the wiki (which is an extremely useful and well-constructed resource). I don't know who-all from those days may still follow me on Tumblr, and I'm actually not looking to cause drama, just sort of thinking out loud as I so often do on the tunglrs, but after five years away from the fandom and having poked my nose back in, I'm running into a royal shitton of memories (and a little new information) that's making me go "Holy fuck, this place was *incredibly* toxic, no wonder I got utterly burned out on trying to interact with the dolls and items the way they demanded everybody should. No wonder I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells to even say anything or post a picture related to this fandom."

So. Let's be real. I'm saying "the way they demanded". It's one person, backed up by other mods who don't create their own separate demands. This particular section of the fandom is ruled with an iron fist by one self-described Angry Black Woman who... the very kindest way I can find to describe it is, she's a walking talking demonstration of how you cannot create a single safe space that's safe for everyone. I made a post several years ago that went a little bit viral, where I pointed out that being uncomfortable with a very verbally aggressive black authority figure can actually be because of the "very verbally aggressive authority figure" part, say if you're a survivor of emotional abuse *koff koff*, and doesn't have to mean you're "uncomfortable with black anger" Because You're Racist. That post was a direct reaction to multiple instances of seeing this person tell people "you're pushing back against me being verbally abusive, that's a racist action on your part".

That's the kindest, most nonconfrontational way I can come up with to talk about the situation. Less tactfully, after going to look over the forum rules for this subsection of the fandom -- hoping to realize I'd just been an extremely sensitive tortellini at the time and they weren't that bad, because I know I was an extremely sensitive tortellini in other matters -- in actual fact, I've been reminded very loudly that these rules are a 13k essay on topics such as You Must Be Okay With Verbal/Emotional Abuse If It's Directed At You By People Of Color, All Cultures Of Color Are Closed Cultures Now (So Don't You Dare Put This Black Doll's Clothes On Any Other Doll), and the real kicker for me, Only Selected Queer Identities Are Suitable For Public Discussion (subsection We're Redefining Queerness To Exclude Polyamory, new since I was last here, with sub-subsection Oops We Didn't Mean To Exclude Asexuals Only Those Icky Cishets, and fun guessing game Are We Excluding Aromantics Or Did We Just Forget They Exist, Ask And See If You Get Banned).

I... genuinely didn't mean to go on that long. But this is exactly why I'm making this post. Because I have a *lot* of trauma from trying to figure out what's actually racist or offensive and what's not, while being in a community where anything the main mod doesn't like can suddenly be declared an offense against social justice, and if you ever step on her toes, you're likely to be relegated to the ranks of the damned (aka the white Christian mommybloggers who own more than six white dolls or less than 50% dolls of color). And as probably all of you know, I do a lot of thinking out loud about trauma. Which is a PROBLEM, because this person definitely still follows me here (I don't know who else from the fandom does), and Tumblr blocks don't keep people from seeing your posts, only interacting with them.

So. Uh. There's probably going to be... more of this. I'm making this post now because I'm almost done sewing a doll skirt, I want to show it off here, and I'm also having a really nasty anxiety attack over how this person is definitely going to metaphorically rip it to shreds in the dedicated forum thread for mocking homemade doll clothes (mostly from Etsy) that don't live up to her exacting standards of Historically Accurate Doll Costuming. (The skirt is gathered instead of using 1800s-style "cartridge pleats"! The horror!)

Yeah. So. Um. I guess... if you follow me from when I was last in AG doll fandom, here's where I stand, at least right now. I'm not going to name any names, but you likely know who I'm talking about. I'm not going to go after anybody or cause trouble on their blog, but I'm not going to pull any punches when I'm talking about the ways they and their policies have made me feel unsafe in the fandom. And I'm not going to follow their byzantine rules based on the concept that a single doll can only have one ethnicity and one backstory. A doll, in its essence, is a shapeshifter the way a character actor is a shapeshifter, and not all of us want to create 50+ fixed individual characters that can't wear each other's clothes.

If you can't live with any of that, feel free to go commiserate with each other. I'm not planning to go back to the forum, so don't worry that I'll see anything you say there. (I'm not even planning to publish the rules publicly, since they're not viewable when logged out, although they are a trip and a half to read without the context of the dramas that shaped them.)

If you're scared what will happen to your standing in the fandom if you like my posts or keep following me, though... maybe that's a place to start thinking.

#american girl #yeah i'm tagging it #i'm not turning off reblogs either #we'll see if anybody cares

[fuwaprince]

Hi blog, me AGAIN *crowd boos*

Time to dump my hurt feelings into a post before they manifest into something else!

If I begin to talk about vulnerabilities irl no one will let me go on for long... or just sit with me while I think about it and cry... they don't like to hear about homelessness and abuse. About tragedies. About my life!!! About my shadow and heartache! That's really what it is...

No loved ones are willing to listen to the gorey and intense details of my recovery process here (offline) and I can't bother introducing my cascade of problems to a new therapist in 45 minutes only to meet every other week and hope I do something besides bitch. What's the point in that? There's no medical treatment for poverty. No pill for fixing social exclusions. There's no warmth for me there.

To call it a psychological problem on my behalf would be to deny the reality that this problem exists outside of my head. This isn't a matter of mindset or addiction to pain.

I am not addicted to suffering. That is not why I am unwell.

It'd help to know where I could barter someone (who I somehow already deeply trust) to physically hold me. 5 minutes. Lights off. Barely any seeing. Barely any talking. Just a moment of embracing safety and a peaceful quiet.

You don't get to eat positivity for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No one thrived off of just hearing the words "you need to take care of yourself" over and over again.

Can offline people care to do more for each other? I'm asking out of skepticism, not entitlement. Is the world really this helpless to each other now? I don't believe it and it makes this whole thing even more tragic.

It's too much to care for, for them. It hurts them too much to listen or see me crying the way I do alone. It sincerely will bother them for days and weeks to the point of self medication and it's even worse for them knowing I'm not getting better in their eyes. Hair falling out. Bad skin. Peeing in the middle of my worst moments out of fear. Yellow infections smeared and old brown blood. Malnourishment. The times I drop to the floor for a bit. It's disturbing watching someone you've never seen before FINALLY let themselves out. Can you imagine? The quiet friend you know who never cries finally feels vulnerable enough to cry in front of you. Do you perceive him as the most fucked up, helpless and PATHETIC human being on Earth for it? A lost cause? You ask your friend to take off their bandages to prove they aren't exaggerating and they're just as shocked as you are when maggots fall out. What do you do? Leave in disgust or stay? Cry harder than them and tell them that's not normal?

Whatever you do, please don't respond with marginalization. Please don't tell them they don't matter to you because you don't believe they're worth the time of day if they won't be getting better. Please believe your quiet friend is still right there in front of you, quietly trying their best... and if you can't say anything nice at all, tissues are a great resource to pass along instead of demoralization. Is there a way to treat the severely and chronically ill that isn't turning away from them when they ask for help?

Everyone else is already on fire around me and whatever I have to say is such a hazard that they don't want to risk burning up even more by being around any emotional flares. I see the real dangers in it. So they run and scream "fend for yourself"... they treat it like it was my goal to destroy their last shreds of peace... and it never has been!

Why is that perceived as evil and malicious?? Especially when the same group of people suggests "maybe you should reach out". Oh but not to you... And not anyone who I called a friend. And not any of my loved ones or family members. Hm. Well... who does that leave besides my ugly reflection in the mirror?

Imagine your friend saying, "would you like institutionalization or imprisonment? because I am not qualified to just talk to you like a human." Like wtf are you a chatbot????? Did the Creator forget to program your empathy???????

Now I have an "ick". My ick is hearing "grow up! MAN up!". The amount of times I've heard man up makes me not want to be a man at all.

It makes me think being a man = being treated like a machine and at that point why stay running? It isn't for me. It's not as simple as just turning off a switch to escape this either.

Can't blame anybody if they aren't in the mood to sit with someone else's feelings (can be draining) but it's lame when what I get back is unsolicited to do lists At Best... Well, that's not true. Someone hugged me briefly- before scolding me for my inadequacy in a friendly manner. Someone else used my desperation to be held as a gateway to keep touching me (not okay with that btw, that's just how they choose to be and who I'm stuck with if I want to continue having rides to school). I'm starting to get annoyed and frustrated for even trying to reach out. For even trying. I'm trying to be optimistic. Pretending I know there's helpers out there and that I just have to find those people. Pretending that it's okay if I only get worse as long as I'm not alone. It's hard to cope.

Like if I went up to one of the few people around me and asked for a hug shyly, they'd sigh and tell me what I ought to do instead is pick myself up by the brastraps and start doing chores (which are conveniently beneficial for them most times- although I was once assigned "go have fun" which led to some hedonistic indulgence in Bayonetta). Chores are good to do, yeah. Maybe I should clean your place after you CREATE A MESS THAT WASN'T ALREADY THERE for the purpose of me cleaning it and see if it makes me feel any better. Maybe you can reassign one of the chores you actually had onto me. Work is a great discipline. Maybe I needed that too since I like being useful (please use me but don't just use me) but actually- what I was seeking was just a moment of comfort. A 5 minute hug without many words. Maybe just to hear "you aren't alone" but in person... reading it online or writing it to myself is nice. I know humans will always want more but this feels so small to ask for.

If I saw myself, I would hug me. I would hug a stranger covered in piss and shit and ON FIRE with a fire blanket if it meant they could go on with their life knowing a caring someone stopped to extinguish their flames. It won't matter how they caught on fire. I'll understand that things don't just spontaneously combust. I'll understand that they needed help and I won't say a single word if I can get away with it because I don't usually offer many words irl. I wouldn't wait to be asked after glancing over. I wouldn't turn away to let them continue screaming. That's somebody's person. Somebody's kid. My Earth family.

Do burning houses ever put out their own flames? Or is it always other people? When people see their neighbor's home is on fire, do they pray that the universe sends them a rain cloud and call that angel's work? Do they yell at their neighbor "grab a hose" when they see he is trapped in the second story and cannot reach through flaming walls?

I would like my next to do list to be suggested without shame... I want it to feel like a gentle reminder. I don't want it to feel like "Shut Up, Leave Me Be, and Do What I Say Instead Since You're Too Stupid To Think For Yourself". I thought about it btw and I have a long to do list as is. The problem is actually doing it all somehow.

My only answer is to go on without humanity and learn to be a rock or just be happy with the online connections I'm lucky enough to have. I can search for pictures of hugging and try to make it work. I can ask a chatbot to describe it in detail again so I can read it to bed. Wanting anyone is why I'm suffering, or am I just blaming myself for yearning for something so basic to compensate for the members in my Earth family not caring enough to take responsibility for each other? Because communities have been corrupted for so many years by hate and forced isolation that they think it's a way of life? Why keep imposing that way onto ourselves and each other?

Why do we choose "You're disordered? As in acting out of order? How about: Solitary confinement, you threat to society. Here, here's a hammer. Go smash some rocks into pebbles and it'll make the world a better place. You might learn something instead of bothering me."

I just don't see how that's ever going to help the poor human who knows what to do already and can't get himself to do it. Or can't do it alone.

Why do we choose that over "I feel you. I'm here. You're not alone. I'm here. Trust me, it's okay to cry in front of me. I cry too. I promise things will get better. You're brave. You're strong. Thank you for being my friend. Thanks for reaching out to me. I'm glad you're alive. Let's take care of this. Let's get you cleaned up.".

Can I hug myself all alone? I need to clone myself for a group hug because the robots around me forgot they're human too. Or maybe I'm the robot and I need to know my place. Crying. So much

#long post #bring back empathy #bring back love #let it return please

[learntolive-again]

While it is an understandable mistake to make, Jesus' association with individuals did not necessarily convey an approval of their behavior. While there are some positive aspects to the lgbtq community and they have been rather mistreated in the past, I question prudence of associating with a group so focused on sexuality when the early church fathers debated whether any sexually was appropriate at all. I would also question whether witchcraft and polytheism would be appropriate in a monotheistic religions setting or whether devotion to pagan gods that regularly engaged in sexual violence is really compatible with being a follower of someone like Jesus. 

I would proposed that those who have less than accurate and less than charitable views of queer folks maybe not be lumped in with christofascism because that is more the domain of movements and groups like The Iron Guard in Romania, you know that insane death cult.  perhaps you've completed a negative attitude towards promiscuous sexual activity with that of you know murdering Jewish people for no reason. Which was of course what you know the Iron Guard did.

I am unfamiliar with Catholic theology being taught in the way that you describe, perhaps you may be mistaken as to the Catholic character of the theology education you received? Where did you receive this education from, if I may ask?

Hi! TW rape, abuse, and conversion therapy

So, pointing out that Jesus spent time with specific people isn't inherently a sign that he approved of them, but it IS a sign that he disapproved of the abuse and and mistreatment of those people. I don't know about you, but if I thought someone deserved to be tortured and mistreated for who they are I wouldn't spend time with them. My apologies if the point was unclear, but I assure you it wasn't born out of an misunderstanding.

My current beliefs and spiritual practices are born of a very, very long journey and most of it is born of my own religious trauma as a queer person, as well as someone who was physically and sexually abused under the excuse of Christianity. The full story is one that I would need much more then this response to answer, and tbh I've been incredibly sick all day and probably don't have the energy to go down that road (Lupus sucks, do not recommend). Suffice it to say I don't expect other people to understand or approve of how I express my beliefs and how I practice Catholicism, and that's ok. I understand where your questions and concerns come from, but I've found a practice that brings me peace and brings me closer to God without granting me permission to mistreat others. There are a lot of examples of how people and societies have blended Christianity with their native faiths, some examples being Hoodoo (which I won't go into further because it has a lot to do with generational trauma that I, as a white person, don't feel qualified to explain) and Appalachian Mountain Folk Magic. Also, just to be completely clear, I didn't learn how to blend those two paths at university, and I don't think I ever said I did.

I think that the example you gave of Christofascism (which isn't a point I brought up, just pointing that out. But since you brought it up Im going to address it) is a great one, but it doesn't negate how the Catholic church has gone out of its way to silence and condemn other practices and cultures. My friend @baelpenrose would be able to break that particular argument down for you further.

My biggest issue with the post that started this whole thing was that it made an unfounded correlation between being queer and abusing kids; the implications were that even exposing kids to or educating them about the LGBTQA+ community is inherently abusive and that's not true. We've suffered so much at the hands of the church and hearing someone claim that I'm a child molester for being around kids is crazy. To say that we've been "rather" mistreated in the past is a gross understatement; I'll remind you that up until terrifyingly recently we were hardly considered people. I think your statement about conflating "promiscuous sexual activity" with the murder of Jewish people is really misguided and gross, though I don't think it was intentional, and it exhibits a certain amount of ignorance about queer people in general. It seems to convey that being queer makes you a slut or whore by default, and if we take the context of the original post into play here it implies that makes those people inherently dangerous to children. I'd once again like to remind you I never made the correlation between that and Christofascism.

The Catholic church has caused more trauma and damage to children then queer people ever have, and when people deny or apologize for that it makes my blood boil.

Hope I managed to address most of what you brought up, like I said my body's fighting me a bit today. Thanks for bringing at least a somewhat civil and intelligent argument on board.

#trauma trigger #potentially triggering #abuse tw #tw molestation #tw csa #tw childhood trauma #catholic witch #catholicism #christian witch #christopagan

[c0rpseductor]

like sorry to have a. i don’t know. would it be dramatic to call this religious trauma? Well anyway sorry for the moment but like

anybody who knows me for shit knows i had a cartoonishly awful childhood. this is like, me 101. i started to self-harm as a very little kid bc i thought god hated me, so part of my issue is like, i was already mentally ill right out of the gate.

i would learn one thing in church and then come home and be told all the stuff really virulent cruel evangelicals believe, essentially. like at Sunday school i’d hear “be nice to everybody” and then come home and my mom would be like “oh Lestat. you poor fucking rube. God is vindictive and spiteful and punishes anyone he dislikes. Christians think anybody who’s suffering deserves it because God chose it for them. Christianity is evil and full of hypocrisy.” and, I mean, i understand why she had a lot of anger toward it and why she felt like there are no adequate answers for the problem of evil and ESPECIALLY why she thinks vocal christians suck. we live in America, no shit! I’ve seen TV pastors! but you don’t unload that on a kid, and especially not a kid who is also being hurt so acutely that his takeaway is “my parents do bad things to me because god wants me to suffer.” so i grew up, uh, normal

and it frustrates me as an adult because i know what the takeaway is “supposed” to be, or at least what less insanely aggressive christians tell me it is. i get that i got essentially the exact opposite message i was supposed to receive. but not only do i struggle to believe it, but the kind of things my mom used to complain about are the same things i see people unironically lob at other people. like on the adult survivors of csa group ive seen people say “during your childhood, if you felt abandoned, it’s because you weren’t listening hard enough for god. because god was there and your feelings are wrong.” like, it’s their fault? someone has a crisis of faith for one of the most understandable possible reasons and you think they just aren’t trying hard enough? and people will say with a straight face like, act like lgbt people are these subhuman aberrations and god hates them and spit on them because their idea is like, anyone who’s big and strong is who god loves and anyone who’s being hurt and tortured deserves it because god decided that’s how it would go.

it frustrates me so much that my dad like, abused me emotionally and mentally and physically and sexually and drove my mother and i out of our home and treated his whole family like obstacles in the way of his desires and then had the fucking gall to be a born-again Christian about it. it fucks with my head SO bad that nothing bad ever happens to him and he’s so easily able to go to church and uncritically swallow everything he’s told. it just feels like this confirmation that everything is arbitrary and anyone who’s been “picked” by god can do whatever evil things they want but anyone who’s hated can never, ever atone enough for the cardinal offense of having been born, no matter how much they pray or suffer.

and like, idk if i can ever get out of that hole, but it still makes me so fucking sick when people who act like they’re perfect Christians spit on people because they think they have the right to decide who is and isn’t human. because i know that’s the opposite of what they’re supposed to be getting out of it and because it’s disgusting, cruel, arrogant behavior.

#uh ask to tag? #csa ment

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: abuse ( physical, emotional ), dissociation, depersonalization and other things of those sorts Hey mods, hope life's treating y'all well. Ig I just need to vent and some validation is needed. I'm sorry this is so long. Context; The entirety of my step-family is just, plain abusive. Step-mom with BPD basically is enabled and excused from everything. She stopped going to therapy & meds because she believes she doesn't need them, when she clearly does and her episodes/outbursts are quite literally violent tantrums. Fam just accepts it bc I think they're all just desensitized to it all now. Tells everyone I'm ableist when I stand up against her abuse. One vague memory I have of when I realized when this was not normal was when a cousin's friend came over ( joint family ) and I had a black eye from being beaten. The friend asked me what had happened & I just replied I talked back. When she told me that her parents did not do that to her it kinda clicked that the things that were taking place don't usually happen to others. I think I was 12 around that time? Since stepmom takes her anger on almost everyone, whenever it's on my cousins, my step-sister especially, they're always coming to me to misplace it on me since I'm only assuming it's bc im not biologically related to them. All of us are around the same age group, 15-17. Step mom does never gets violent with them, she's just verbally abusive. For me it's a whole another story. It's like torture, only way I can describe it. However about 2 months ago my step sister & i got into a huge argument after she defended one of my step mom's violent meltdowns. This did not end up well & by the end I was just hurt pretty badly. My sister is an HS athlete so she's actually way huge than me. I don't remember what happened, but I was just fading in & out of consciousness by then. I'm at a friend's place now, for a while. Family won't tell me anything about what happened. Recently I've been having heavy dissociative episodes and whenever I do snap out I barely remember anything. And it's long, like hours. I'm think I just get triggered by the most minute things these days. My friend & her roommate have noticed this & tell me that I look very lost for long periods of time and my replies to anything are very dry. They know I have some situations at home but don't know of the abuse. They're concerned about me but I can't tell them anything. I simply cannot trust anyone with it considering CPS has failed me multiple times. I find it ironic that when you are in a trauma-fueling environment, all you want is for someone to see your suffering and end it. But when you're somehow away from it all you want is to isolate yourself bc of shame & nobody understanding how it feels. I'm once again so, so sorry this is so long, it might be a chore to read. Mods, I truly appreciate the work you do. Take care. - Suzue.

Hi Suzue,

As someone with BPD I think its important to understand that while BPD may influence her behavior it is ultimately independent of her BPD that she is abusive. Conflating untreated BPD with abusive tendencies is a stigma that BPD has along with other personality disorders. For someone to justify abusing others transcends mental illness, it is a choice one makes, generally speaking.

That being said, of course there are people out there who have BPD and are abusive at the same time, and unfortunately your stepmom is one of those people. It sounds like you may have symptoms of a dissociative or traumatic disorder as a result.

I understand not wanting to risk telling people, but I think that as long as you intimately trust the person you want to tell and explain to them how delicate the situation is, it may feel healing to hear a friend weigh in or offer validation or support. You definitely don't deserve to feel alone in this.

While your stepmom definitely needs to go back to therapy, I think you could use therapy as well. Of course it's not always accessible or affordable, but someone who knows what they're talking about can use their professional-level knowledge to help you manage your dissociation and potential trauma. I think you deserve the help and the space you need to heal from this.

I hope I could help. We're here for you if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #abuse #child abuse #trauma talks #trauma details #suzue

[kpopsexstories]

NCT MOST MEMORABLE SEX – Story #20: JAEMIN Pt. 1/2

A new story/member every Monday. Click here to view the posting schedule.

WARNING: This story contains mentions of rape and sexual abuse. Not related to Jaemin but to another character.

Story: NCT Jaemin spots a troubled girl in the audience and ends up sharing his own vulnerabilities with her.

Type: NO SEX

Content: Mentions of drug abuse, hints of rape and violence.

Word Count: 5,490

Members: Jaemin, (Johnny, Mark, Jeno, Chenle)

NOTE: There is no sex in Part 1 of Jaemin's story – but it's a great build-up to Part 2!

Story #20: JAEMIN Pt. 1 (of 2)

Sarah was an unlucky soul. She was the kindest, sweetest person you can ever imagine, always smiling, never complaining, but never catching a break.

Life was cruel to her from the moment she was born. Not so coincidentally, that was mere moments before her mother passed away.

Sarah was instead brought up by her violent father, who abused her every chance he got. He blamed her for everything that went wrong, and especially for taking the life of his wife.

As a teenager, Sarah turned to drugs and booze and men much older than herself, clinging like a puppy to any father figure that would have her. They all tossed her aside when their needs had been satisfied, only to come barging back for more when the needs returned. She always let them back in, desperate to feel loved.

At sixteen, Sarah was a full-blown addict, until the day she was assaulted and robbed in the street. A stranger – a young woman – saw the whole thing and intervened. Had she not, life had intended for Sarah to be raped, too.

The woman, who shall remain nameless, quickly learned that Sarah had no one. She couldn't leave the poor girl alone, and so she stayed by her hospital bed for weeks as Sarah healed her bruised body. By the time Sarah got out, they had become friends.

The assault, and the love shown by a compassionate stranger, was the wakeup call Sarah needed. With newfound motivation she set herself three goals: to cut her addiction, to build a future for herself, and to find happiness.

As a result of these goals, three things changed in Sarah's life. First, she left home and cut all ties with her abusive father, to instead move in with the young woman who was now her best friend. Their friendship blossomed over the years, and Sarah often called her a guardian angel.

Second, she managed to free herself of her addiction. It was a long road that started in those weeks at the hospital, and continued through therapy sessions and the occasional setback. Her new friend played a crucial role in helping her get through it all, but Sarah would likely never be completely well again.

And third, Sarah managed to finish high school, which allowed her to apply for further education. Her dream was to help others who had suffer like her, from abuse, addiction or a generally harmful path in life.

From the moment she decided to do all that, a positivity which had always been inside her surfaced. When the changes had happened, she never stopped smiling, and her deeply rooted kindness was allowed to prosper. Within just a year, all three of her goals had been partially achieved, and with each step of progress, her kindness only grew.

There was another side effect of her abrupt change of mindset, however, one her friend often teased her about. When Sarah could no longer turn to drugs she needed another, healthier addiction to fill the void. That something, as it would turn out, became k-pop.

Sarah's passion for the genre, and for the many groups and artists in it, became her new drug. It was an obsession that lasted for years, well into her twenties. She'd save thousands of photos on her phone, and could stay up all night watching the same YouTube videos over and over again.

It was the sweet interactions, the social connections, the handsome faces, and the physical and vocal skills of individuals in the industry, that appeal so much to her. K-pop borderline became an unhealthy habit, but considering her history, it actually contributed to saving her life. She often told her favorite artists this in comment sections.

Then one day, Sarah read an announcement. She considered it a sign from above that the it came on her 21st birthday. One of her favorite groups, NCT Dream, would do a US tour the following year.

She told the news to her housemate who giggled at her excitement. Of course she'd come with her to a show, the friend promised.

Sarah, however, still had one flaw, a flaw she'd likely never rid herself of for as long as she lived: she could never do a thing in moderation.

In this case, one show was not enough. Instead, she decided to do not just several, but all of them. Her friend considered her insane, and what a waste of money it was. But once Sarah set her mind to something there was no stopping her.

So for the next year, she saved up. She cut all corners she could, worked 16 hour shifts at a local diner, and for a few months she almost starved herself. Every penny she saved went toward this new goal of hers: to go to every show of the US tour, and to have a conversation with at least one of the members.

She had no idea, however, what reward the universe had in mind for her, for having turned her life around so drastically.

*****

Jaemin was a creature of habit, and when he set his mind to something he almost became obsessive about it. For a while it was food, as he loved to cook. Then it was video games, which he'd stay up all night to play despite early morning rehearsals. When he learned that he would tour the US, it was the gym. He had this idea that a picture of him would be the most-liked photo from the tour on social media, be it on stage or off stage.

He was also a never-ending bundle of joy, with a constant smile and playful approach to life. He was kind, caring and forgiving. Unlike others in the k-pop industry with a similar projected image, his positivity stayed the same even when the cameras were off.

Despite his social nature, however, Jaemin was in fact an introvert at heart. His ideal evening was to stay at home alone, to exist uninterrupted with only his thoughts, which were constantly working on something he was passionate about. His idea of a perfect date was a candle lit dinner, which he would cook of course, during which his date only needed to relax and enjoy herself. Even though his personality was genuine and his social side always true when around people, he had no need to spend time with the members or anyone else for that matter during his free time.

Excitement for the tour had been building up for months. When the group departed for the US, Jaemin was more than ready. He felt exceptionally good about himself, and was ready for whatever this phase of his career would bring.

And luck had turned for Sarah, who was able to book a ticket for every show before it sold out. It was quite a feat, but one that was powered by pure dedication.

Her housemate would join her on the first stop, but naturally wasn't willing to fork up the cash for a whole parade. Once was more than enough for her, and she only did it to support her friend.

She worried about Sarah travelling alone, naturally, but years had passed since the assault, and Sarah, at only 22 but with the mind and experience of someone much older, was a different person now. She wasn't a drug addict who would sleep with any man for money or attention. She'd be totally fine, and she had earned this tour through her hard work. As obsessive as it was, the friend understood how much it meant to Sarah.

And so off they went. The pair had front row tickets, something Sarah felt was important for the only stop they'd share together.

When the show started, Sarah was transported into a world she had previously only imagined or experienced through a screen. She knew every lyric, and was a walking encyclopedia of all the members. Her friend giggled at Sarah's constant need to tell facts and trivia even during the performances.

As the songs played and the members took the audience through a repetoir of choreographed performances, Sarah was in her element. She shouted the names of the members to cheer them on each time they passed her on the stage. At several points she cried, but they were tears of pure joy. She had never been this happy. It was the best moment of her life thus far.

Sarah was not a teenager any longer, and certainly didn't have the experience of one. But now, at the show, she acted like an insanely obsessed one, a result of her tragic childhood. She was too much of everything – too loud, too emotional, to obsessed – but her friend thought it was sweet. She knew that Sarah deserved the world, and today it was hers.

Then something magical happened. During Hello Future, Jaemin stopped right in front of her. She screamed his name and it caught his attention. In a moment that etched itself onto her brain, he bent down, took her outstretched hand, and kissed it. Throughout the rest of the show, their eyes met on numerous occasions. Each time, Sarah's heart skipped a beat.

*****

“I think I'm in love,” Jaemin said after the show, to the amusement of the other members.

“Stop it,” Jisung said and laughed. “You don't know her, how can you be in love?”

“I just am,” Jaemin insisted. He sighed and started longingly into the distance. He knew it wasn't true, but the instant crush he'd felt was definitely real. He couldn't get the girl in the audience out of his mind.

“If she's coming to the signing you should ask her out.”

“I can't do that!” Jaemin gasped. “Management would kill me!”

“Probably,” Mark agreed, “But what are they gonna do? Send you home? I don't think so.”

“They'd never let me out to see her though.”

“No, but you'll never know unless you try. Maybe you can at least get her phone number.”

Jaemin contemplated the situation. It was worth a shot. A feeling like this didn't come often. He knew he had to take a chance, or he'd regret it for the rest of his life.

But sadly, Sarah never showed up.

*****

By the twelfth stop Sarah was exhausted. She'd slept on busses and in cheap motels, and her bank account was taking a toll. Travelling was more costly than she had anticipated. Still, her hard work to save up had paid off, and the experience was worth every cent.

She called home daily, and spent hours talking about the little details that made each show unique different from the previous. Her enthusiasm never wavered for a second.

Front row seats was just an initial luxury, however, and since then she had observed from afar. Jaemin had no idea she was following him around the country, and though she constantly thought of the moment between them, she didn't mind. As obsessed as she was, she wasn't dilusional. Jaemin didn't care about her any more than he cared about any of his fans.

Fate would bring them together once more, however, when Sarah managed to buy a cheap pass from a stranger, to an after-show signing. She still hadn't achieved her goal of having a conversation with a member, and this could be the key she'd been missing.

As she queued up for the event a sting of hope suddenly pierced her sweet heart. What if she'd get a chance to talk to him?

Jaemin was seated by a table inside, as the seven members were lined up and ready for the crowd. Signings tended to blur together, and remembering a face was near impossible. Still, Jaemin was an expert at making each person who approached him feel special.

And then, there was Sarah. When she approached his table, nervous and excited, she was unable to say a single word. She had gone over the potential conversation countless times in hear head, but now it was as if she'd forgotten how to speak.

Yet she had absolutely nothing to worry about. When Jaemin spotted her from a distance, his heart too was pierced with something, a sensation that only a strong attraction could produce. When she finally approached him, his face lit up like a flashlight.

“I know you!” he exclaimed.

“I know you too!” Sarah said. She immediately regretted it. It sounded silly, she thought.

“You were in the audience at our first show,” Jaemin remembered.

“Yes I was. I've been to all your US concerts.”

She regretted saying this too. It made her sound like a stalker, she thought.

“No way!” Jaemin gasped. He was genuinely surprised. ”You know, I've actually been looking for you.”

It was the truth. He had never imagined she'd go to every show, but he always hoped she'd reappear at the next one. Now that he did see her again he didn't want her to leave.

But the queue had to keep moving. “What's your name?” he asked.

“It's Sarah,” she replied.

He signed his photo and handed it to her, then decided to take the chance he had already committed to. He asked the question he had wanted to ask for weeks.

“Would you like to meet again?”

Sarah was confused, but replied instinctively. “Of course,” she said.

Jaemin knew that he shouldn't be doing what he was about to do. He could just have said, “Then I hope to see you again at the next show” and leave it at that. Maybe he could even have arranged for her to get a pass to the next signing, or a front row seat or something.

Instead, he decided to go with his gut and do the thing he really wanted to do. He motioned for Sarah to give the photo back.

“Then let me give you my number,” he said. “If you want to, you can call me in two hours.”

Jaemin had no plan for what such a phone call would mean, or how he could ever arrange to see Sarah just the two of them. But this was a crucial step, and he knew that if he didn't take the chance he'd likely never get a second one.

Sarah was extatic when she left the arena. She called her friend and told her all about what had just happened. Two hours later, she was sitting on the edge of a bed in a run-down motel room, clutching on to her phone and the picture. Can this be real? she wondered as she stared at the numbers.

In the same two hours, Jaemin had returned to their hotel. The members had gathered in his room, excited about the forbidden thing Jaemin had done. They were giggly, encouraging, and found the whole thing thrilling.

But the predicted problem remained. How could they get Jaemin and the girl to meet alone, in a place where they wouldn't be spotted together in public, and where hotel security or management wouldn't stop them.

They were definitely jumping the gun. Sarah might not even call or want to see him. But if there was a slight chance for Jaemin to spend some time with his crush, to get to know her, they had to make sure it was a possibility. Who knew, maybe it could be the start of something amazing?

Mark was the one who came up with the winning suggestion. “I have an idea,” he said. ”Johnny's from Chicago. We once went to visit his family. He has lots of old friends there. If we call him, maybe he can arrange something.”

“Yes,” Jeno agreed. “We could tell management that you've become friends with Johnny's friends and want to go see them.”

“There's no way they'd fall for that,” Chenle argued. “They'd require staff to join him, maybe even want to film it for promotions.”

“Not if we can give them assurances, and if Jaemin can convince them he just needs a break from the tour,” Mark said.

Jaemin frowned at the suggestion. “Wait,” he said. “You want me to go alone to some random persons house, and have a date with a total stranger in it? This plan is insane!”

Insane was an understatement.

“Yeah,” Jeno said. “It's the best plan we have.”

And that was true. They couldn't sneak her into the hotel. The only other feasible alternatives were to simply tell it as it was and ask management's permission – which he would never get – or to forget about the whole thing.

Jaemin nodded slowly as he pondered the situation.

“Let's at least try,” Mark continued. “When she calls, ask her out, and tell her you'll text her the details later.”

“If you see her, what would you even do?” Jisung asked.

That was something Jaemin did have an answer for. He already knew what his perfect date looked like, and that perfection was something he wanted to give this woman.

“I'd make her dinner,” he said. ”I'd light some candles, and we'd talk about life and stuff.”

It was corny, and ridiculous considering that this was a woman he didn't know anything about. But it was sweet, and if the ultimate goal was to find Jaemin a girlfriend, it was crazy enough to work.

Mark looked at his friend. He took out his phone and called Johnny. “Consider it done,” he said.

*****

At precisely three hours and six minutes since their last meeting, Sarah nervously dialed the number. It was well past midnight but she didn't care. She was surprised when Jaemin immediately picked up. This really was reality. The numbers were not a hoax.

The conversation was brief and to the point. Jaemin, still surrounded by the members, didn't go into any details, but he did exactly as Mark had suggested.

“Sarah,” he began formally. “Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Ehm, sure,” Sarah said. Her mind was racing. It was not a question she'd expected. “Yeah, why not?”

“Just to be clear,” Jaemin continued, “this is not something we're allowed to do. We'd have to keep it secret, and we can't go out in public.”

A warning bell immediately went off in Sarah's head. Her mind went to some of the men she had dated in her teens, when a date meant something brutal and one-sided. She felt like she already knew Jaemin and his persnality, from the thousands of hours she'd spent with him online, but she didn't actually.

Was it normal for them to pick up random girls like this? Was there an ulterior motive? Was she in any danger? Shouldn't she be careful about meeting a stranger alone?

Of course she should, but this was not just any stranger. This was her idol, and a man she felt she had a personal connection with when their eyes met for the first time in real life. Obsession or not, could she really say no to this exceptionally rare opportunity?

No, she couldn't. And so she asked: “How would we meet then?”

Jaemin decided to be frank. “I really like you,” he said. “I'd like to get to know you. Did you know Johnny is from Chicago? Mark is on the phone with him right now. If I can arrange it, we could get an apartment or something to meet in.”

This all sounded shady as heck, and Sarah was no idiot. She needed more information.

“An apartment?” she asked. “Would there be anyone else with us? What would we even do there?”

“No,” Jaemin said. “No one can know about this. But I'd like to cook you dinner. It would be an innocent date, or we could just chat. Whatever you want.”

Jaemin realized how weird and shady it all sounded, and so he added: “Look, I've never done this before. Ultimately, I just want to see you again, because I can't stop thinking about you.”

Sarah contemplated her options. Was she really going to turn such an offer down? She probably should have.

“Alright,” she said. “If you can arrange all that, you've got yourself a date.”

*****

Johnny jumped at the challenge when presented with the situation. The way he saw it, he was about to help Jaemin get laid, and he made it his personal mission for that to happen.

Within half an hour of Mark's phone call, a place had been secured. Johnny had even called the tour manager to inform him about his local friend's made-up friendship with Jaemin, and the plot had worked. Jaemin was granted permission to take a taxi to the provided address.

As strict as the members made their managers out to be, the rules were actually pretty slack. The members were trusted, and as long as they could provide a good reason and promised not to do anything that could hurt them, no one would stop Jaemin from this excursion.

Sarah, on the other hand, met fierce resistance.

“Are you fucking nuts?“ the voice on the phone shouted at her. “I know how much you love them, but this is fucking insane! I really care about you and I won't let you do this.”

“You can't stop me,” Sarah insisted. She almost got angry, but knew deep down that her friends' heart was in the right place. “If you really care about me so much, then you'd know how much this means to me! And what's the worst that can happen? A famous k-pop idol gets jailed for murder? I don't think that's very likely. I think he genuinely just wants to see me.”

Her friend knew that her initial reaction was rash. Of course that was likely the case. But she pressed on.

“How do you know it's even him?” she asked.

“Because I literally touched him when he gave me his number! It's not some rando on the internet if that's what you think.”

“Alright, alright. I just don't want you to get hurt is all. I do care about you. What if you fall in love and can never see him again? I won't let that little shit break your heart.”

“I'm not stupid. The way I see it, the best that could happen is that we become friends. He lives in Korea for crying out loud!”

“Sometimes I forget you're not the child I found in the street anymore. Okay, you have my blessing. But keep your head on straight, and your phone close at all times. Be careful, okay?”

“Don't worry,” Sarah said. ”I will be.”

****

Two days later Sarah got out of a taxi, grabbed her backpack and made the short walk up the driveway of a small villa. She nervously stopped and looked around as the taxi took off and left her there.

The villa had a white facade and well-kept lawn in front of it, and was far from the kind of place she had imagined when she first agreed to meet Jaemin again. It was better. If this really was Johnny's doing, he sure had come through for them.

She approached the door and rang the bell. Jaemin opened it in seconds. He was wearing skinny white jeans and an apron over a white buttoned shirt.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi,” Sarah replied.

For a moment, they just stood there and looked at each other. What the fuck? she thought. The whole situation was insane, like a weird dream or something out of a movie. At the time, she didn't understand that Jaemin was having the exact same thoughts.

“Who's place is this?” Sarah finally asked.

“Johnny's friend. He apparently bought it with his girlfriend six months ago. They're out of town and let us borrow it.”

“How nice of them,” Sarah said calmly. Us, she was thinking, her heart and mind racing. They were talking as if they were old friends just there to catch up.

Jaemin stepped aside to let her in. He was nervous but determined not to show it. He was fully aware that the whole arrangement was as crazy as Sarah likely perceived it, and that she probably felt the same way. He was also taking a big risk. They both were.

He was determined, however, to make this feel like a normal date. He genuinely considered it a date, though that perspective was only his infatuation talking. There had been no mention of dating to Sarah, and he had no reason to believe that it was one.

Sarah took off her shoes and looked around. It was a small place despite the nice facade, but cozy and homely. She followed Jaemin into the kitchen.

“I've got a steak in the oven,” he said and pointed in its direction. “It took me forever to figure out how this thing works, and to find everything. But I think I've managed. Here, sit down.”

He pulled out a chair beside a round kitchen table, which was neatly decorated with plates, cutlery, two glasses and even a flower as a centerpiece.

Sarah wasn't quite as eager to jump straight into some suburban romance. She stood in the doorway in disbelief.

“How long have you been here?” she asked.

“Since two, when Johnny's friend left,” Jaemin said.

“So this is really happening?” Sarah asked. “A romantic, home cooked dinner, just the two of us?”

“And maybe a movie after, if you want. I admit, I've never done this before. Is it too much? It's just that I've always wanted to have a normal date, but that's never possible. Oh damn, you hate it, don't you.”

Sarah burst out laughing. “Wow, you talk a lot, don't you?” she said. “But no, I don't hate it. I mean, it is a bit much for a first date. I would have been happy with just a coffee somewhere. But it's sweet. And I guess it must be hard to date like normal people.”

Jaemin never gave the fact that Sarah was onboard with the whole dating perspective a second thought. Neither did she, who was more than happy to play normal with her idol. She wanted it to be a date, he wanted the same, and neither of them questioned it.

“Yeah, I don't think I've ever been on a date at all before. Not a proper one anyway. So you're okay with this?”

“Sure,” Sarah said and smiled. She finally approached the table and sat down. “This is perfect.”

Jaemin was relieved. He knew he'd over-shot it with the stake and all, but it didn't matter. Even if Sarah left now, he had gotten to cook and spend time alone all afternoon, something he thoroughly enjoyed. It wouldn't have been a wasted effort.

“So,” Sarah said. “How's the tour going?”

Jaemin put on an oven mitten and took the steak out. When he bent down, Sarah couldn't help but look at his ass in the skinny jeans.

“Great,” he said. “But I'm serious, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that first night. You were quite wild.”

“Hah, yeah, I'm sorry. My friend who I was with thought I was crazy. It's just that I've loved you all so much for so long. You actually saved my life, literally.”

Jaemin was confused. “Really?” he said.” How?”

That was all the encouragement Sarah needed to open up. Suddenly, she started pouring her heart out. At the table, as darkness fell over the street outside, she told her life's story to the stranger who felt like an old friend.

She had been alone on the road for so long and perhaps she just needed to talk to someone, anyone. But once she started, she realized she had never truly shared her troubled past with anyone beside her housemate and therapist. Perhaps she had needed to open up for years. Jaemin, a total stranger she had only ever spoken a few words to, happened to be at the right place at the right time.

Seated at the table, with the mitten still on, he listened to every word. He asked the occasional question, and was completely engulfed in Sarah's long tale. When she was done, it was completely dark outside and the room fell oddly quiet.

“Shit!” she suddenly exclaimed. “The food!”

It had been left on the stove and likely gone cold. Jaemin didn't care. He had never felt so close and enthralled with anyone, and something as trivial as the hours he spent in the kitchen no longer mattered in the least.

“Wow,” he said. He was genuinely mesmerized by the woman in front of him, and in shock and awe by what life had put her through.

Sarah, however, was suddenly embarrassed. “I've totally overshared!” she said. “I'm sorry, I get so carried away sometimes. I think something is still wrong with me.”

Jaemin felt flattered that he'd been chosen to hear all of it. It made him feel even more in love with the girl.

“I don't think anyone has opened up like this to me before,” he said. “We could end this date right here and it would still be the most perfect date I could have hoped for.”

“But I ruined your dream,” Sarah said. “You wanted a normal, romantic evening.”

“Trust me. This is better.”

This made Sarah smile, and feel relaxed. Jaemin was actually very sweet. She couldn't even recall what she had expected when she first walked up the driveway, but now she felt like they both already knew each other. She could stay with the man in this house all night.

“It's dark. What time do we have to be out of here?”

“The owners won't be back for a week,” Jaemin said. “It's my day off today, and our next show is tomorrow night. I just have to be back at the hotel by noon.”

He quickly realized how this sounded, and so he added: “Not that I expect us to stay that long. I'm just saying there's no deadline. We can leave whenever you want.”

“Well, right now I don't want to leave at all. I want to learn more about you. Tell me something I wouldn't know from online.”

Under normal circumstances it would now be Jaemin's turn to be cautious. He had to be careful with what he shared with a stranger. But considering that Sarah had just spent over an hour telling him intricate parts of her troubled past he had no second thoughts about sharing his own vulnerabilities.

And so, he too opened up. He told Sarah all about life since he debuted, and the challenges his public image came with. Not being able to go on normal dates was just the tip of the iceberg.

Despite his confident facade, Jaemin was actually quite insecure. He revealed to Sarah the doubts he constantly felt when comparing himself to the other members, whom he considered to be much more talented than himself.

“Nonsense!” Sarah exclaimed. It made Jaemin smile.

It was true though, Jaemin often struggled with this doubt before shows. Though he had never told anyone about it, he frequently threw up before going in stage. To anyone who asked, he'd say that going on tour was the must fun and thrilling experience he knew. It wasn't a complete lie, but performing live was simultaneously the worst thing he could think of. It was a double edged sword.

“Imagine that,” he said. “An idol with stage fright and an insecurity complex. I know I'm an idiot for having these thoughts, and when I'm done I'm happy and proud. But I just can't help it. I'm really scared of live performances.”

Sarah listened with great attention. “I can relate to those feelings. I'd never be able to do what you do. But don't worry, it certainly doesn't show. You look so great and confident up there, and you're insanely talented.”

“I just constantly worry that someone will see through me one day. That I'm a fraud who doesn't belong. That management will see that and fire me, or that the boys don't respect me, or that the audience will want me gone.”

“Is that why you've become so buff recently?” Sarah asked.

Jaemin's face lit up. “Does it show?” he asked excitedly.

“Yeah! You look great. Just don't do it for the wrong reasons, okay?”

“Don't worry, I'm not.”

“And hey. You caught my attention, remember? There were six other boys I could have fallen for, but it was you I couldn't stop looking at.”

Jaemin giggled and gave the girl a playful look. “You've fallen for me?” he asked.

“You know what I mean!”

“No, I really don't”

They stared at each other for a moment, then Sarah changed the subject and brought the attention back to Jaemin and his worries in life. Soon enough another hour had passed, with Sarah being the one who gave support. She smiled and leaned in on the table, taking in every word and story Jaemin shared with her. He spoke so softly, in a serious and naked manner, revealing all of himself to her.

Sarah found Jaemin both fascinating, cute and insightful in equal measure. He had a certain way of looking at everything in a positive light, yet a depth of emotions she had never caught a glimpse of before. He was, in his own way, quite a vulnerable person.

Of course, he had never gone though anything traumatic the way Sarah had. But that wasn’t the point. Sarah didn’t for a second think that his worries, hardships or struggles were any less important than her own. In fact, she could relate to some of them, and it felt good that he would talk to her with such relaxed confidence. To Jaemin, it felt equally good to be so personal with someone who wasn’t one of the boys.

By eight in the evening their plates were still empty, the food untouched. It was already pitch black outside. And then came the point where the evening would take another unexpected turn…

Jaemin's second part – which as you can guess is where the sex will take place – will be posted next week, Monday May 20, 2024.

#smut #nct #nct smut #nct dirty #kpop smut #nct dream #smut writing #nct dream smut #jaemin nct dream #nct jaemin smut #nct jaemin #jaemin smut #jaemin

[hopepaigeturner]

An Offer from an Avid Reader: The Lady in the Veil

So in my previous post I talked about the whole debacle of the Cowper=Gunningworths. And one of my key annoyances is that it would mean that the show misses out one crucial factor...

But.

Anyway

I would love the show to introduce other types of physical diversity For example: a character with vitiligo, congenital amputation etc.  Now, while we know that these individuals are as valid as any other person, the ton, and their beauty standards, would not be so accepting.

This individual is introduced and most significantly impacts, Eloise’s storyline.

Read more about my ideas around Eloise here. One of the plotlines I said was for her to start doing something, e.g Whistledown or some gossip sheet (perhaps a more political one?). The aim of this is for Eloise to realise she needs to find her own creative outlet for expressing herself/ideas...perhaps her novel? *wink wink*

Moving on. Eloise arrives in episode one with this new responsibility. All she needs is a good story for the ton to sink their teeth into.

Episode 1--3:

The first ball of the season where, as is typical, a lot of storylines kick off.

Eloise manages to break free from her mother and goes to join a group that Penelope found invaluable for gossip—the spinsters. 

And sure enough, Eloise picks up a conversation about ‘The Lady in the Veil's’ sudden return. Eloise is pointed towards the furthest seat, in the darkest corner, where a woman is dressed in the typical coloured dress and white gloves…but with a veil over her face.

The conversation continues. No one knows her name, nor can they remember when she debuted. Is she a wealthy widow? An impoverished daughter or ward? Was she in an accident? Who died?

And while her presence has been felt throughout the years, no one has heard her say a word nor move from her place.

Eloise has a lightbulb moment. This is her story. This is the secret or scandal she shall uncover which will send her sheet to spiralling heights—just like Whistledown.

Eloise in all her tact and delicacy tries to engage with the Lady—and is immediately rebutted. Something that occurs multiple times throughout the first couple episodes.

Episode 3:

(I couldn't help but include this GIF)

Cressida comes over to where Eloise and the lady are sitting and says a particularly snide comment to the latter. And Eloise whips back, defending her. After Cressida storms off, Eloise settles back down. And then, the Lady speaks…

“You should not have done that.”

Eloise twists around in surprise,

“Whyever not? We all have pressures put upon us by this patriarchal society, but that does not excuse Cressida from tearing other women down.” The Lady does not reply for a while, but then, in a very small voice, she says,

“People who are kind to me get punished, and I refuse to bear the weight of their sentimentality.”

The Lady turns away leaving Eloise perplexed—but also intrigued.

Episode 4:

We move to episode 4. Where, to aid in Eloise’s feminist education, (and to give her a little taste of her own medicine), Sophie indulges her whimsy to become a maid for the day. As part of this sequence, Eloise discovers the extent of abuse Nadia,  (a maid who has returned to the Bridgertons after working for the Penwoods) suffered. Eloise, in impassioned, righteous fury, ‘outs’ Nadia’s abuse against Nadia’s wishes.

Quite rightly Sophie gives her a talking-to about how wrong this is. How Eloise needs to listen to what the disadvantaged say their needs/wants are, rather than assume what she thinks they want/need. (This a crucial lesson for anyone who wishes to seek justice for others).

We see Eloise implement this message by apologising to Nadia, and with the Lady in the Veil…

That night at the ball, Eloise sits next to the Lady, but does not try to initiate conversation. Instead, she gets her notebook out. After a couple moments…

“What are you doing?”

Eloise looks up with a small smile.

“I have come to the belated realisation that you might have had lotsof people poke their noses into your business. So, until you wish to talk, I am just going to sit. Do you mind?”

“No…” the Lady’s voice softens, “no I do not mind.”

After a while, the Lady starts to ask after Eloise’s writing. The Lady shares about a friend who used to make up stories with her. Finally, Eloise talks about how Lady Penwood/Cowper treated Nadia, how she wishes to get some justice for those always overlooked.

The lady sits up. Leans forwards, and says,

“If you want the full story, I might know some things about Lady Penwood that would shock even Lady Whistledown…”

Episode 5:

The episode starts with Eloise publishing the ‘servant scandal’ we see in the book. For the Lady in the veil is an amazing font of information…

But this plot is sidelined, for the latter part of this episode is Benophie centred and around Grandma Alexandra’s death. (see post here and here)

Episode 6:

As in this post, this the BIG episode: revelation of Sophie as Lady in Silver, sofa scene, Grandma Alexandra’s will reading, confrontation between Bridgertons and Sophie.

It also includes another book scene, just before the sofa scene.

After an escapade with Eloise goes wrong, Sophie, John and Eloise are separated to make their way back to Bridgerton House. And just as she is turning the corner on the edge of Mayfair , Sophie hears a voice like honey dripped over knives…Araminta. 

 The scene flashes between a hyperventilating Sophie and flashes of moments from the morning Araminta found out Sophie had attended the ball.

Araminta raking her nails over Sophie’s face; throwing a vase at her head; Araminta grabbing a shard of vase and putting it against Sophie’s throat so that it bleeds—and leaves the scar the audience has seen on Sophie…

The flashbacks stop and the present returns–just as a figure spots Sophie. A woman who lifts her veil to reveal a round face with patches of peach among patches of white skin.

 “Sophie?”

Sophie is frozen. Araminta calls for Posy to get into the carriage. Posy nods and rushes back. 

And for the audience it clicks into place. (hopefully).

Her comment: “People who are kind to me get punished…” Relates to Sophie's kindness.

The girl who told the ‘Lady’ stories was Sophie

In one of Sophie’s flashbacks, we saw Sophie be kind and give a full-face mask to one of the ladies she dressed—this was Posy. (a post that is coming)

The Lady in the Veil is Posy. A girl who has been shamed since a child for being different.

A girl who debuted a couple years before Cressida but was hidden so far into obscurity that even Lady Danbury/Lady Violet struggle to recall her.

A girl who spent a childhood in the shadow of her mother and sister, a girl who was only shown true kindness from little Sophie Beckett…

This will lead Posy to fulfil her book role—turning up at the jail scene, being iconic, getting Sophie freed etc.

And by the end of the season, the veil is gone. For there are no masks at Francesca’s ball, not for posy and not for Sophie. And while many ton members whisper, Posy and Sophie merely link arms and step into the light.

(You know I thought on tumblr there'd be a lot more GIFs of dark veils...I'm surprised)

~*~*~*~*~*

Now I have only used the example of vitiligo for Posy, but there are so many other physical disabilities that the show could showcase!

I think this would be a nice way to facilitate some plotpoints from the book, and create a little bit of mystery/tension in the season.

But hey! What do I know?

As always I’d love to hear your ideas/corrections/opinions and always open to chat or requests.

Or check out the list here, for more of my ideas.

#justice for my girl Posy #CRUCIAL CHARACTER #AND I WILL NOT FORGIVE THE WRITERS #IF THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO REMOVE HER #I don't care about Cressida's 'redemption arc' #give me Posy! #ok ok rant over #posy reiling #sophie beckett #an offer from an avid reader #an offer from a gentleman #bridgerton

[firstpersongameyr1]

5 Genres of First Person Games

Shooter: This game genre is one of the infamous genres used in this gaming style and has created some of the world's most popular games such as the COD franchise.

The example I chose for this game genre is the Borderlands franchise made by Gearbox Software. This series puts you in the shoes of treasure hunters using guns for hire who always get tangled up in some form of mess despite the simple goal of finding a great haul of treasure from one of the fabled vaults. What is unique about this game is that it has several classes who each have their own different abilities and specials. There is also a unique way guns were added to the game. Each of the guns were added with randomly assigned traits.

2. Adventure: This game genre includes all different kinds of puzzles and journeys in order to complete the main adventure.

The example I want to use for this genre is Portal by Valve. In this game you are trapped in this high tech research facility and are put through a series of tests in order to escape. It is a test of intelligence but also on the use of a portal gun. This gun has the abilities to connect two portals and carry objects through those portals which is all you need to use in order to complete each physics based puzzle room.

The unique thing about this game is the function of the portal gun. It is unique because it has the ability to take the player to areas that they cannot reach.

3. MMORPG: This game Genre means Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing.

The example I chose for this genre is Destiny 2 by Bungie. This game lets you choose what class you wish to be out of: Titan, Hunter or Warlock. This feature can be seen as similar to the borderlands franchise and their different classes. These games also have a similar genre style apart from Destiny's role playing ideology.

The unique part about this game is it's playing style. The Idea of a first person shooter game that includes role playing is a very rare game style.

4. Horror: This game genre speaks for itself. The idea of a first person horror game is terrifying to think about. These games put you in the shoes of the player character and immerse you in the story using the first person style.

The example I used for this genre is Resident Evil 7 by Capcom. This game featured a whole new game design engine which improved the graphics and contributed greatly to the game's atmosphere. "Unfortunately", it gives the player a front seat to the gruesome scenery of the protagonists' abused hands and the disgusting Baker's family who own the house the game takes place in.

A unique thing about this game is the brutal portrayal of the protagonists' suffering. It does this well without being too graphic because of the first person perspective used throughout the whole game.

5. Cooperation: This game genre is about bringing together a group of players in a cooperative first person shooter to complete difficult missions with multiple enemies standing in their way.

The example I chose for this genre is Warhammer Vermintide 2 by FatShark. This game is a cooperative shooter/slasher that puts a bunch of violent maniacs up for a difficult mission with lots of enemies in their way. There are five characters, each with unique classes and roles to fill on the battlefield, such as the tanky Ironbreaker for dwarf Bardin, or lethal Assassin, an option for elf Kerillian. Vermintide 2 also offers many exceptionally well-designed, story-based missions following several different contained story arcs.

A unique part about this game is it's genre similarity to an RPG first person game.

#Youtube