#the people who want to know will ask. everyone else boo hoo
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May I get your advice? Where do you find motivation to continue with your OCs when even your friends don’t seem interested? I think about them all the time I even joined discords to talk about my OCs. Whenever I bring them up my friends aren’t interested. They skip over my chats and don’t include me in conversations. It happening constantly and it’s hard to get excited about my OCs. Are my OCs not good enough or is it me? Sorry if this is too much you can just ignore.
OH BOY GOOD MORNING ANON.
Let me tell you what. My friends probably don’t know like.. 60% of my ocs as a collective. No hate on them either - I just don’t develop all of them at the same time; I may pre-dev some, or just spit em out and forget they exist til they become relevant later.
I had to learn to do things for myself. I’m still learning that, and some things are easier than others. Some things you should do just because they make you happy, just because you can play Barbies in the corner by yourself and do whatever you want. Your space, your rules.
It may be a skill issue with your friends honestly /lhj but seriously. Do not base your worth in doing fun things on whether or not your friends like them. Find new friends! Scream into the void! Eventually someone will answer.
(Also, this is now giving you full permission to blow up my ask box and DMs. I would like to see the babies and hear your stories!!!)
#cheeri inquires#anon literally you and me in the same boat#i learned how to scream at a wall regardless. believe me#my main server has no idea what swtor is and yet#i will drop 100+ deep lore messages in my swtor channel and explain nothing#the people who want to know will ask. everyone else boo hoo#im so glad you came to me omg 🥺🥺
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i think for me, the watcher situation comes down to this:
it's absolutely respectable that the watcher team wants to grow and produce better quality content. it's respectable that they don't want to stagnate and end up pushing the same content out over and over again. that's not satisfying for them creatively, i get that.
however, if higher quality, more heavily produced content is not what your fans are asking for, then you can't ask them to fund it.
this all-or-nothing method they've gone for is frankly bizarre. it feels like they leap-frogged all other alternatives to improving their finances and ended up here, alienating and frustrating the majority of their fanbase (the fanbase they thanked for getting them to where they are).
i think this could have gone a lot better if they:
Hadn't hyped up this video for a week.
Hadn't announced the worth it successor just beforehand.
Hadn't put out a wishy-washy, "boo hoo we're so sad about this", over-produced video.
Hadn't made it $6/month (more in a lot of countries given exchange rates).
Had considered that this means fans in specific countries literally cannot pay for the subscription due to geo/region-locking.
my ideas for improving their funds, aka things they could have tried before blowing their brand up: create their own website with two options - a free version with ads and a paid version without ads, OR make better use of their patreon/make their website extra content, not all their content, for example:
Put the ghost file debriefs on there.
Put shows like survival mode on there (or even shift that show from pre-recorded video to live-stream - live stream access to patrons and VOD access to everyone, maybe).
Put episode commentaries there.
Do reaction videos to their old buzzfeed content, talk about memories and BTS, and put that there.
Put one/two episodes of each show, per season on there (and ONLY there).
Put the episodes up there a few days early.
Make specific, website only content (that's not your main and most popular series aka ghost files and puppet history).
Record the live, in-person shows and put those VODs up there.
EDIT (thought of something else lmao): put extended or even uncut versions of ghost files on there. Paranormal Detour on Detune's twitch channel has shown that people will willingly sit through 6+ hours of a ghost investigation.
EDIT: idk, do livestreams once a week where you watch scary movies with fans on discord or twitch.
(side note: the fact that they're not taking down their patreon and instead shifting all of their podcast content on there, something the patreons who have been loyally giving them money for years didn't ask for, is ridiculous and greedy. add to this the fact that they don't even get a free sub to the new website, instead get 40% off - a measly 10% more than anyone else who subs before the official launch).
the thing for me is that they're claiming they want to make "television" and "television-grade content". that's completely fine. what's not completely fine is acting like your four episodes a month is equal to netflix's entire catalogue.
this really felt like it should have been something they told us they were progressing towards, not something they revealed to be on the imminent horizon. idk, it just feels out of nowhere. no, they don't owe us all of the info about their company. but something had to be better than this.
final thought - it's okay and valid to be upset at the team for this. for a lot of people, it's a complete betrayal (especially the comment that $6 a month is something "anyone and everyone can afford", i mean yikes). i do think some people's anger got the best of them, and some of the comments i've seen across youtube, twitter, and tumblr are plain bullying, racism, and harassment. until we have the whole story, we can't decide that one founder (aka steven in a lot of people's minds) is solely responsible. i know a lot of these awful things are only coming from a small minority of the fandom, but they still get seen.
at the end of the day, all three of them got up in front of a camera and made this video, together. that can only lead us to the conclusion that they made this decision together. acting like these men in their 30s couldn't stand up against it if they truly wanted to, is so strange and parasocial lmao.
tl;dr there were much better ways of going about this announcement, if it even needed to be made at all. however, that doesn't excuse the hateful shit being spewed at the team. for now, all we know is the three founders decided they were done with youtube, and done with their loyal youtube audience.
(i have so many more thoughts on this but i need to stop lmao. however i do wonder how different things could have been if 1. they had hired someone with actual business experience as their CEO from the jump, and 2. this video was more of a "hey we're broke! this is a last-ditch effort to save our company!". guess those questions will remain ... well ... you know ...).
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The "reblog, don't like. Liking hurts creators" stuff has always gotten on my nerves, who are you to tell me what to put on my blog? But I jsut saw this post, which put it in a different light.
https://mayahawkse.tumblr.com/post/691239174316097536/heres-a-little-comparison-for-people-who-say
I' got on Tumblr in 2013, quit around the porn ban, and only came back pretty recently. I didn't realise that people had actually stopped reblogging things from each other.
I guess the "likes hurt creators" thing might have some validity after all. I still really don't like the tone of entitlement or the idea that expressing your appreciation to OP with a like is an insult instead of an expression of appreciation.
The comment section probably cuts into the reblog counts; people have conversations there instead of in reblog chains, and don't have to reblog an entire post just to point out one quick thing or make the same joke as everyone else, but I don't think that comments account for the ratios in that post, especially since the screenshots don't show posts with hefty comments.
So yeah, guys, likes don't hurt creators, but Tumblr is for passing posts around. If you see something you like, you can just reblog it to be all "look at this cool thing I found". You don't have to worry about adding anything meaningful in a reblog, and if you and all your mutuals reblog the same post twelve times in a row, well, that's just how Tumblr works; if someone gets anoyed they can block the post through xkit.
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Eh. I'd beware of anecdata like that.
I used to get like 2 notes a post and no asks ever. On the rare occasions that I reblogged heavily in a hot fandom of the moment for a month or two, I got a lot of engagement once people realized I was a place to go for that fandom, and I particularly got a lot of reblogs because people wanted that content on their own tumblrs.
Currently, I get a decent number of reblogs, but I get a lot more other interaction because things here tend to be discussions and debates and people don't necessarily want them on their own tumblrs.
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In my case, I don't like the framing that it hurts creators because that's assuming that a person would have reblogged if they hadn't liked. In reality, they probably just wouldn't have interacted.
People pass posts around all kinds of ways, including pasting links to mine into various discord channels for fandom drama or sending me links to others' posts via chat messages here.
I also don't like the framing that it hurts creators because this only makes sense if you mean that it hurts the ability of visual artists to earn money.
Am I not a creator of a kind? Do I not write copious meta even if a lot of the content here comes from others? My ~engagement numbers~ are not harmed by failing to reblog. My engagement numbers don't matter full stop.
Or maybe, maybe, it's not about money, but it's about clout-chasing nonsense. Boo hoo, my gifset doesn't do numbers because it's not 2012 and I'm not in superwholock fandom now. Oh well. Chase the crowds to another site or chase the megafandoms. That's the only way to get those numbers back.
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I do think that some time after 2012, people became increasingly afraid of harassment and may have pulled back on interactions, particularly contentful ones, because of that.
But mostly, tumblr has cleared out. Fewer people are using it, and fewer of the ones remaining are using it actively in a way where it makes sense to fill their own blog with content.
Maybe part of the change is that you can't become a BNF of tasteful curation so easily now, so there's no point in reblogging unless it's for yourself?
Maybe it's gifsets that are out of fashion? I don't know.
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I never had much interest in "look at this cool thing" sans commentary back then, and I have little now. I have my activity page set to hide all that.
The changing phases of a site can be interesting, but we need a bit more than one person's top couple of posts to reach any conclusions.
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Flowey: If you're not dating nor are friends, you're acquaintances with a silent crush phase. Heehee, I know what you should say when someone asks what you are next time! You're blockheads.
That uh… that means you're not heartheads or smileyheads. *Flowey smiles innocently and snickers to himself as he tries to trick you into insulting yourselves.*
Anyway, got any root beer left for me?
(Kara) "Really? Blockhead."
(Dess) "What's so wrong about it? We're blockheads through and through. I'm sorry if you don't like the word for some weird reason."
(Kara) "*Slaps head* Should I tell her?"
(Dess) "Tell me what?"
(Kara) "I don't know. Hey, do you want to watch Peanuts?"
(Dess) "Sure. I don't know why you want me to watch it now."
*12 minutes into the story*
(Lucy) "Charlie you blockhead. This is what you call a tree?"
(Dess) "Oh! Flowey you trickster."
(Kara) "Oh also sure Flowey you can have it. *gives the rest to Flowey. After he finishes...*"
(Kara) "I appreciate the respectful gifts. You all are so much nicer than I thought you'd be. When I heard horror stories about you all I was scared. Granted not all of you are good. I mean my arm got cut off by someone that seems to be part of the wind. That's fun. I always wonder why me? People like you though show how not all Anons are bad. Hell besides that airspeaker, you're all fantastic. Now back to our original problem."
(Dess) "Now we need an actual title."
(Kara) "Perfect! Now that we've done something completely unimportant like naming ourselves we should probably go out and get to work."
(Dess) "On what?"
(Kara) "I didn't think that far ahead."
*John walks in looking like he hasn't seen the sun in 3 days*
(John) "Well that was difficult but I finally got Asgore's case. Does anyone want to talk with him again? I negotiated one more call."
(Dess) "I'll do it. *Grabs phone.* Hey Asgore how are you doing?"
(Asgore) "I want to say good but that'd be a lie. I've been burning from the heat and the work they make us do. These monster prisons are more brutal than I thought. Guards go up to you on occasion and beat you till you cry. It's a game they play and if you end up being last you get socked in the eye. If anyone tells anyone anything they get abused even further. It's scary and to say it's ignored would be too nice. They outright encourage it here. Anytime something goes wrong I get hit by their bats while everyone else laughs and throws whatever they want at me."
(Dess) "That sounds awful! Do you have any way to have them stop? Surely what they're doing is illegal."
(Asgore) "Those types of laws are barely enforced in normal prisons, let alone a species everyone hates."
(Kara) "Do you have air conditioning?"
*Dess and Asgore started laughing.*
(Asgore) "This is Britain! We're lucky to have air conditioning in our own homes. You really believe they care that much about monsters?"
(Dess) "Well, try to stay a low profile, okay?"
(Asgore) "Alright. *Hangs up.*"
*In the prison.*
Asgore walks back to his cell seeing the high amount of monsters entrapped. Some of them go into a room of complete white if they misbehave. Suddenly, while no one is watching Asgore, Chara burrows out of the ground.
(Chara) "So how do you feel? Don't worry you'll only get killed by the executioner, not me. I wonder if you'll ever crack?"
(Asgore) "Can you stop teasing me? You're the only reason I'm putting effort into stopping the death penalty."
(Chara) "You know it's funny. People think you are a great serious leader. The only smart ones are Papyrus and Alphys. They know who you are. I'm mostly here to make your situation worse and to observe what you do. I bet they give you food that tastes like poop."
(Asgore) "They gave us a bun for a meal. Two on special occasions. Help me please!"
(Chara) "WAH! Boo hoo. Oh, also one thing I want to do. *Slices his left thumb in half and watches it bleed.*"
(Asgore) "Why would you do that!!!"
(Chara) "So I can hurt you without killing you. Oh, people are coming. See you when you're fried!"
#undertale#the white soul#kara#flowey#ask flowey#Asgore#A lot of anons#Chara#Dess#When I do the court case I'll have it be impacted by you and if you choose wrong I will kill Asgore. If right he'll live.#I’ve seen one comment about this so I just want to clarify I know what friends with benefits are but Kara and Dess are too naive
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I’ll admit I was scared to talk to you, but it was less a factor of you being scary and more just I was afraid I’d get rejected. Publicly. Why? I have no idea, but the fear was real XD
You probably already do this, but my advice:
Ignore them. Delete asks that make you uncomfortable. Write in your bio that you will not answer political asks, or any asks that make you uncomfortable or upset. You’re here to have fun, people have NO business coming to you with their crap. They should be asking their close, irl friends. Not strangers on the internet who they don’t know. This is YOUR blog, this is YOUR good time. We all enjoy fandoms differently, and this blog allows you to share the way you enjoy the fandom. If people have issues with that, then they’re not molding their personal dashboard and blog to fit their interests, they’re trying to mold everyone else’s blogs and dashboards to fit their interests. And that isn’t how this works. Ignore the haters, and the idiots who send you weird asks. Do what makes you comfortable, do what you consider fun. If that’s taking a step back for awhile, do that. If that’s turning off asks/anons, do that. If that’s leaving the fandom/website to enjoy it privately, do it. Whatever it is, you have better things to be putting your time and energy into than an unappreciative and stressful fandom.
Seriously, the audacity people have these days. It’s one things when people ask for asks like that, but it’s another when you’re just a blog in a random fandom posting fan fiction. It’s got no place here, where you didn’t ask for it, where you don’t want it, where it literally has no effect on the asker’s life. If that hurts their feelings, boo hoo. They need to get a grip and reevaluate themselves because clearly they don’t know what’s happening if they’re so insecure in their argument that they need an internet stranger’s opinions.
Do you. Do what you like. Interact with your followers in whatever way makes you most comfortable on your blog. And if they don’t like it, they’re not obligated to stay.
- Pinkheart
Thanks Pinkheart. I already do a lot of what you said here, deleting asks I'm not comfortable with and all, and taking short breaks if I need them. Honestly it hasn't been too bad lately, I've just been in a weird mental place this week and today's been especially bad and it ended up coming out as a ranty thing earlier... sorry about that.
But yeah. Good advice here, thank you <3
#answers from the floor#pinkheart anon#weird reply but I've kinda run out of things to say on the subject heh#but I appreciate it a lot#just been in a weird place lately... again.#I wonder what it's like to go a few months without feeling bad/weird
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Sure go ahead let's hear THE KILLER here talk about how you should know people and har har har. You really know nothing. Rayquaza be damned. You really think that people stay the same for several years? Decades? Oh you were friends with GIOVANNI when you were kids so you should have known he was going to be the leader of TEAM ROCKET. And what were you going to tell that bitch of yours? Oh sorry! Your friends were all fake but don't worry you can toooootally trust me. The guy whi famously goes onto crazy murderous rampages at the slightest inconvenience. Boo hoo she hurt some random gal. Cry me a river. So what? Is everyone else that other teams have made suffer not worth your allmighty protection? Are you now the worlds vigilante? What a fucking joke. Oh sorry I tried to murder you! But you are bad now so it doesn't matter! You are just another fucking cop. Frankly fuck off forever.
You know what? No. I'm not the world's vigilante. No one else is worth my help or protection. No one except for the ones I care about. I couldn't give less of a fuck about the ones outside of my circle.
What do you take me for? Some wannabe child protagonist? Some peppy 12 year old gym challenger ready to take down the big bad? I tried to be that again, and look where it fucking got me. Permanently injured. Imprisoned. Down a loved one. I'm done with it.
I'm not your vigilante hero, I'm not even your vigilante. I'm just one fucked up guy. Willing to do fucked up things. To protect my people. I'm a danger to everyone around me in the process. Sure. Call me out on that. But I'm not out here cleaning the streets of grunts or taking down admins in big cinematic battles. Fuck, you know what? I'm not even asking for your trust. I'm not asking for anyone's trust! I'm going to ask the exact opposite, in fact: that you despise me and drive me away the moment you see me.
Because I am a dangerous person. I'm the worst kind of untrustworthy bastard: the kind who can't even trust itself. And do you want to know what the only thing worse than being the enemy of someone as psychotic, murderous, and unpredictable as me is?
It's being my friend. And inevitably having to watch everyone around you writhe and die. And eventually dying yourself. Because. At some point. I will hurt you.
It's not a matter of if. It's a matter of when and how.
I've already mentioned how I feel about the damn secret keeping. I've already said my piece on that. I'm not going to restate it for you. Go ahead. Continue to hate me. You should.
Do it for the right reasons.
#rayanswers#pokeblogging#pokeblr#pkmn irl#drama stakes pokereality#cw ableist language#((they are being self-hating with that btw.))
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Familial Strangers
cw: mentions of feeling othered, a bit of emotional angst i dont think much else
With the soft waves crashing on the beach the group could laugh themselves to tears. Ash still throwing the beach ball despite David’s warnings the wind is gonna send it flying. Angel and Babe comparing sea shells, holding them up to firelight. Milo stoking the fire and when necessary smacking the ball away so it doesn’t get close to the flames. Sam and Darlin taking up an entire log bench with how the wolf lounges.
Keep reading
“You act like I’m planning on finding a new apartment, my apartments fine. I like my apartment.”
Theres a pause before a brief laugh from the group, “Didn’t your neighbor throw a week long rager and cops literally wouldn’t come to stop it?” Asher points out, asking for an argument.
“Oh boo hoo you lose a bit of sleep.”
“Oh come on even me and David’s first apartment was better!”
Of course bringing him into bickering means he’ll side with neither, “That’s because I didn’t let you pick it.”
“Cold hearted man, I’ve got taste!”
“Says the one who wanted to paint his bedroom blue, the entire bedroom, in a rental.”
“Milo! I thought you’d be on my side!”
“And the one who thought our generation would live in a mansion all together.”
“Oh my god wait did we try to make a pack frat house?”
“You tried to make a pack frat house, I argued, Milo didn’t,” David points out.
“I ain’t going to be held accountable for what I said when I was ten, my memories barely go back that far I’m innocent.” Milo defends holding his hands up but distracted by Sweetheart stealing his stick to fix his fire.
“Ash was the one to suggest it anyways he’s at fault. You tried to get anyone to drive us around so we could househunt.”
“Right! I tried for weeks to convince them to let us bike around to find the best house.”
“Hey, wasn’t that when you biked into a wall and lost a tooth?” Milo peaks around to ask not listening to an answer. “Sweetheart no I swear to god the fire is fine!”
“Amanda found a wheelbarrow and we brought you to MIlo’s house cause you thought it was an adult tooth.” David explains, ever so slightly smiling at the memory.
“Shaw Pack Jr. my friends.” Milo jesters jabbing Ash with only a slightly charred fire stick.
Across the fire a weight sinks. Drops leaving a tsunami. No one notices. No one sees. Darlin sits up from where they had laid their head in Sam’s lap. They look to the waves, the sand, anywhere but the people around them.
It’s stupid of course, absolutely no reason for them to feel like this. Sure they popped up late but that doesn’t make them any less fami-pack. It doesn’t strip the fact they are apart of the pack. They don’t hear Sam at first, only notice when his hand cups their cheek. They see the question before his lips can even start forming syllables. “I’m fine. I’m gonna take a walk, need some air.”
They just hope only Sam can see, but they can tell it’s quieted, not completely. They try not to make it obvious.
Sam doesn’t hesitate to stand, slipping his fingers between theirs and leading them down the beach.
“I’m s-”
“Did I ever tell you I had to switch schools?” They shake their head at least glad they don’t have to explain yet. “I got into a fight sophomore year. Yes me, I got into a fight now set aside the shock for a moment. Someone was picking on someone and well, you know me. He got a concussion and a slap on the wrist for what he was doing. I got expelled. My parents supported me but I had to change schools. It was an hour away I think, but it was awful. Halfway through a school year everyone with friends. I found a group but, it was a group before me. There’s no way to get rid of that feeling, least far as I know. They’d talk about growing up together, or make plans on the weekend but it didn’t feel like I was apart of them, like I was just with them.”
“They don’t do it on purpose. They never did.” They immediately defend despite how obviously they just want to walk away again.
”Doesn’t matter the intent, point it they have memories together you don’t and it feels awful to remember that. It’s not selfish, it’s a shitty situation, don’t apologize. I can’t even begin to understand how that’s multiplied by the fact it’s your pack, by how big of a move it was for you. Washington ain’t far, but it’s far enough that you weren’t home anymore.”
“Thank you.” They glance back at the group, “I love them, and you. I’m just tired of being the other sometimes.”
“You aren’t an other to me, darlin’. You’re everything.” Despite the fond smile forcibly growing on their face tears still threaten to fall down their cheeks.
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The Whisperer: Part 11 (Wally Clark Fic)
A/N: I actually hard core ship Wally/Maddie I love Maddie. I do call Maddie a bitch in this but Mori’s emotions are running high. I don’t think that Maddie is actually a bitch.
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I honestly can’t believe they’re asking me to do what they just did. I stared around the circle at my ghosties and sure enough they were being completely serious. They really wanted me to scare the shit out of Maddie’s ex boyfriend, his side bitch, and her friends to figure out who had killed her. After I specifically said when I first met them this is why I ignore the spirits.
“So when I specifically said this is why I act like I can’t see you did that go over your heads? Maddie I’m sorry you don’t know how you died, and I hope you can figure it out. But I am not implying to anyone that I know you’re dead nor am I going around telling those 4 people I can see and talk to spirits and that your spirit has come to me asking for help.” I didn’t realize that I had gotten louder over the course of my speech and I was now nose to nose with the girl that was asking me to do the very thing I told everyone else I wasn’t going to do and she was acting like I was a villain for it.
“You’ve got this great gift where you could help people talk to their dead loved ones, you could help me solve a murder and you’re too fucking scared that someone’s gonna call you crazy to try to find out who killed me?” Bitch if you do not back the fuck up I swear to god I will punch you into next week. I don’t give a damn if you’re already dead or not I’m sure it will hurt. Wally got up and tried to step between the two of us but I just scoffed and stepped away.
“A gift? You think it’s a fucking gift? No a gift would have been I stayed dead and my parents lived, a gift would have been whatever power there is not sending me back because I was so fucking special, a gift would have been I could tell my siblings that my parents were at peace without them thinking I wasn’t crazy. It’s not a fucking gift Madison, and honestly I would trade it away just to be normal even if it meant I never saw any of you ever again.” I didn’t even leave anyone time to process what I said before I grabbed my bag and stormed off. When Wally had said he wanted to talk about something I thought maybe he wanted to talk about his death a little more, not try to sweet talk me into helping Maddie.
Wally wasn’t a flirt he was just a fucking playboy and he knew it. He came to check on me when I was sick yesterday so he could weasel his way in and he could ask me to talk to Maddie’s friends. I could see the way he was hanging onto her every word and how excited he was to try and help her. He wasn’t that fucking happy to try and help me.
“Morrigan, hey wait up!” And since when the fuck is my name Morrigan? I mean yes that’s always been my name but Wally has never called me that, none of the ghosts have ever called me that. Stupid fucking Maddie making everyone feel sorry for her because she doesn’t know how she died. Boo fucking hoo maybe it’s a good thing she doesn’t know.
“The fuck do you want Wally?” His steps faltered as he watched my angrily wipe my tears away. “What wanna come ask me to help precious Maddie some more now that I’m not screaming at everyone?” He didn’t say anything and just pulled me against him while rubbing his hands up and down my back.
“Mo. Hey Mo, no one meant to hurt you like that. Maddie feels like shit and so does everyone else. We wouldn’t have asked if we had known.” I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him.
“but you did know, I specifically said I wasn’t going to do that. And you didn’t even respect me enough to respect the fact that I didn’t want to do it.” His face looked heart broken and I wanted to make him feel better but I wasn’t the bad person here. Really none of us were but they deserved to feel like shit for awhile too.
“Why don’t you go home and just breathe? I’ll come visit you later.” I bit my lip and shook my head.
“I don’t know if I want you to come and visit tonight.” There was a moment of silence before he answered.
“I’ll be there tonight, and you can decide if we visit or not.”
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gonna be some pretty intense disability ranting under the cut so either buckle up or scroll past, I had a bad fucking day and need to get some shit out
I hate that pain is subjective. I hate that I developed this shit during academic hell and therefore have completely skewed standards on what’s normal to push through. I fucking hate my first ever boss who reinforced that. I hate that I know for a fact that I have to push through a certain number of migraines anyway because I just do not have enough sick leave.
I hate that there’s absolutely no external proof of what I’m going through. I hate that everyone just has to trust me about what I’m feeling and what I’m capable of, and that they don’t. I hate that I’m not even a reliable source of what I’m feeling because my pain scale is fucking broken.
Objectively I know that any amount of pain isn’t normal, but I do not have the fucking luxury of taking a break every time I hurt. I’ve had four days of migraines in the last two weeks alone, and that’s an improvement. That’s my brain on a LOT of drugs.
I hate that society has such a broken perspective on disabilities, specifically invisible illnesses and chronic pain. I hate that a lot of my life revolves around hiding that I’m in pain. I hate how much it relies on me being able to push through pain, and I hate that I’ve had to do that so much that I will keep going until I physically collapse or feel guilty about flaking. I hate how even collapsing in pain feels like a personal failing.
I hate that the two options when I tell people are either complete lack of understanding or full blown pity. I hate that since I’ve started my accommodations process at work people keep asking me how I’m feeling. I want people to accept my disability as a fact, trust me to know my limits, and move the fuck on. I’m the same person I’ve always been.
I hate that it feels like cheating to call myself disabled. I hate that it feels like gaming the system to get any level of the accommodations I need. I hate everything ableist I’ve internalized over the years.
I hate that this year is a countdown to me losing health insurance, because I turn 26 and lose my mom’s insurance. Without health insurance... my current drugs are over $700 a month. If it came to it, my parents would pay for my drugs. I hate that though, I hate that level of reliance and dependence. I hate that so many people don’t have that option. And I hate that my career since the age of seventeen has been a fight between what I want to do and my need for insurance by the end of this year.
I hate that I’m twenty-five years old and I’ve been disabled since I was seventeen. I hate that society does not understand disabled teens and young adults, that they cannot comprehend that young people aren’t always perfectly healthy just because they’re young. I hate that this month is the anniversary of my entire life going to fucking shit.
I hate that this takes up so much of my life. I hate that I spend my weekends recovering instead of getting to do anything fun. I hate that I can’t socialize the same way as everyone else and I have to bail on things with no notice.
I hate how this makes me an inconvenience to other people. I hate that my parents have to spend so much time taking care of me even though I’m 25 and in a different state. I hate every time a schedule has to be rearranged because I call out sick.
I hate that I feel so bad about this when so many people have it worse. Oh boo hoo, my parents have to take care of me and buy me meds. I’m never going to have to worry about the same dangers other people in my situation will face, do face. It’s not fucking fair. And I know this isn’t the oppression olympics but at the same time my brain won’t accept that.
I just want to be normal. I just want to not be in pain. I just want people to understand. I just want to be independent. I just want to not be pitied. I just want to do something.
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I've decided to make a side blog and just vent here instead of on my main. Anyways. I stood up to some people for the first time in a while and now they're all mad at me and idk what to do. One has B*P*D and the other just. Enables the shit out of them while forgetting that I may potentially have B*P*D (unfortunately lost my insurance while talking to a psych about an official diagnosis) but I also do have other mental illnesses. It's like they're completely forgotten until they want to rub it in my face, but THEIR mental illnesses are SOOOO important and the only ones that matter.
The last person just completely fucking victimized themselves while being the problem. And was basically rewarded for it. They basically pulled a "I need time because I hurt you", which feels completely unfair.
It feels like I lost all affection for these people in the last 3 days, but at the same time I'm mourning that. It's a very complicated feeling. I wanted us all to be friends, but I'm so tired of dealing with everyone else's mental illness when no one even asked if I was okay. I tried to set boundaries and then I'd get snapped at. And then they'd cross the boundaries anyways, and when I said they crossed a line, suddenly oh, boo hoo hoo. I'm mad at them and they don't know how to deal with it.
It's your own fault. You know my boundaries. I told you multiple times. What am I supposed to do?
People say that people are evil when they don't want to deal with someone's mental illness, but the thing is... that's so unfair. Why should I have to put up with everything and never get anything in return. I never get support, friendship, or anything like that. I just get rage and frustration and being told that they need time away from me, when I don't even know what I did. And often times, if I did do something, its hypocritical ("you can tell me if you're mad!" [Tells them I'm mad and they stop talking me for over a week]).
What am I supposed to do about that? What the fuck am I supposed to do?
All this shit has just made me give up. I don't want to say I'm s*icidal but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. Where do I go from here? Where CAN I go from here? I don't want to do this anymore. I just wanted people who cared about me and wanted to be around me. Is that so bad to want? To not be shoved away at every turn? I don't think so.
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this is just venting, so ignore it.
But about that last post. Some of the conversation about anti-racism recently has just been so confusing and upsetting.
First I'm told that im bad for reasons that I am unaware of and cannot help, then I'm told that I can't ignore the post or else im bad, but also I can't interact with the post or ask for clarification or else im bad because im expecting other people to do all the work for me.
And so instead I just put in the tags that I don't fully understand, so I don't mess up the post. And then the OP is like "Here's an example of that bad white person I was talking about" and another person who replies with some helpful advice but begins it by saying "You're bad and you should know better."
And I just don't know what Im supposed to do. I don't know how to find this stuff on my own, I don't know where it is. I don't understand what everyone wants me to do but everytime I ask people just get mad at me.
Do they think Im doing it on purpose? What am I doing wrong? I just want to know what Im supposed to do but everyone just expects me to already know or to find it myself. But I don't know how, and everyone is telling me that im not allowed to ask.
And I bet they'd get mad at me for this too because im whining about how I did bad things and boo hoo im the victim, but I don't know what else to do. Im alone and going to work in a few minutes and this is the only outlet I have.
I just don't understand
I don't know what Im supposed to do
Nobody wants to help me
I get it. I know why. I understand the situation
But what am I supposed to do?
Im not supposed to ignore it, but im not supposed to ask, so what do I do?
Im sorry that I have a fucked up brain but I can't help it, I can't change that, it's not my fault.
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Road to Cream 64 v1 Part 5: The Many Noises of Cream T. Rabbit
Man this has been a crazy month but finally found free time to get back to this project. Sure, changing models and stuff does add to it but really the sweet spot to a lot of people are the sounds that compliment it.
The benefits of the decomp is that all the sounds are easily accessible as .aiff files. With binary hacks, at least the method I'm familiar with, you have to use a tool called N64SoundTool to insert new sounds. And even then, you have to set your audio a certain way so it doesn't mess up the other audio tracks in-game.
Anyway, Mario's sounds are actually in two folders: one dedicated just for him and another that's shared with Peach's. We're just looking at the solo one here. In older builds of the decomp, their sounds were never labeled like shown in the first pic. Can make figuring out how to edit them trickier down the line.
Later builds, or refreshes, do have this issued addressed, as shown with the second pic, but you know what I mean. Still, you play enough SM64 and you just know instantly where each sound goes.
Along with Mario and Peach's, there was also changing Bowser's. So overall I needed a bunch of Cream and Eggman clips and to get someone to record brand new clips for Vanilla.
For Cream, it was a matter of figuring out which game had the most I can use. Not like I had a lot of options so Heroes it was. Turns out I would eventually remember that Free Riders exists and actually has a decent amount but I had to go with the former for reasons. So slowly but surely, I'm combing through the voice lines trying to find what I can and can't use. By the end of it all I'm left with half the clips filled. So then, what to do for the rest.
So the clips I'm obviously missing are the ones that sound the closest to Mario, so stuff like WAHOO or HOO or WAH. Ya know, the bing bing wahoos. For a lot of stuff I've done at the time, I've usually just asked my closest friends and god bless them for helping me. In this case, @magicalpoptarts was the one who helped me get these last few Cream voice clips. Sure, it destroyed her throat but damn she did a good job that even to this day, people think those are official clips.
Generally speaking, I personally have grown to enjoy the newer Cream voice used in the games, as sparce as those have been lately. But given how Michelle Ruff does the voices, my friend here can't exactly get that close to a pitch to replicate it. Not really a problem in the long run since what we have works just as fine.
For Eggman, I had a bit of an easier time. For the specific clips I wanted, I just stuck to Sonic Unleashed. Bowser only has a handful of clips to really replace and for him I couldn't just swap them in since they're pitch shifted from the same clip as the boo. Just a bit more work but he was done in no time.
Eventually I would figure out I can avoid the second part all together thanks to editing some code in the sound_player in the decomp, but for now, I'm at the mercy at whatever the game's presets are.
Vanilla's a special case. She would be one of the first things the player hears and one of the last things. Course, there's only one official voice and that was from Sonic X. And for that, 4kids decided to give her kind of an old lady voice and I'm like naaaaaaaah. Thankfully, poptarts told me about her friend, NicoStephN, and she gave me a pretty good, and what I consider appropriate, Nilly voice.
She also had a bit of extra work since I was rewriting Peach's dialog to suit the little story I put together for this hack. The way the dialog goes by in the ending made sure I had to keep what she said almost the same length as Peach's original text, so that it didn't overlap one another. Still, she did a great job and I couldn't be happier with the final result.
Did take a little while to get all the custom voice lines, which lead to something else in the wait, but I'm really happy with everyone's performance here. Few years later and I know other people who can do the lines, but it would just feel weird now to swap them out.
For the sake of keeping things organized, I've gone ahead and move the soundtrack talk to its own part. Cause man, there's a lot of video I need to embed.
#super cream 64#sc64#rom hack#super mario 64#road to cream 64#cream the rabbit#dr eggman#vanilla the rabbit#voice acting
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what the hell pt. 4
pairing: euphoria characters x black!fem!reader
warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of drugs and slight violence.
a/n: yall finna be mad as hell because i’m not making a sequel until season three :/ i am planning on doing a backstory though. possibly a few other things, but what the hell is completed babies.
words: 2.5k + not proofread
part one | part two | part three | how she came to be
all my life i’ve been good, but now i’m thinking, “what the hell?”
“andddd done.” you mumbled before spraying setting spray onto Lexi’s face. the play started in an hour and you had spent a lot of your time trying to calm Lexi down and texting Fez.
y/n: bro why the fuck i came in and first thing i saw was Ethan playing with his titties and him screaming it wasn’t what it looked like
fez: who is he supposed to be?
y/n: Lexi mama 😪
fez: IM DONE 😭😭
“are you sure your okay with this? i mean i had you upset at first so what about Cass-“ you stopped her rambling when you put your phone down and clapped your hands together.
“i was upset you had my break down a power moment for you. we fixed that up, but Cassie? Cassie can go to hell.” you told the girls sister. her eyes were wide with fear at the thought of her sister being mad at her.
“you’re showing them us…nobody told her to go and fuck Nate. boo hoo.” you shrugged.
“i just don’t want anyone to be mad at me or offended.” she said as she shrunk in her chair. you giggled at her worrying before getting up to leave. the girls were waiting for you outside of the auditorium.
“she’s been trying to gain sympathy for herself this entire time. maybe this will wake her up and guess what? sometimes the truth hurts.”
you walked towards the door, waving at Bobbi and Ethan on your way out.
“oh!” you called out causing Lexi to look back at you along with Ethan and a few other people.
“this is the part where i say break a leg. obviously don’t actually do that, but you better eat these bitches up.” you stated before leaving again, your platforms clicking away.
you resisted the urge to scream and punch Cassie and Nate in their jaws on your way to your seat.
“cunts!” BB called to the two.
you sighed sitting down in your seat beside Maddy. you were overly nervous. you knew Lexi was about to show her experiences with everyone and then some, that being said you were praying she didn’t reveal too much about you specifically.
Kat placed a hand on yours as the curtains pulled back and the first act started.
y/n: show time
fez: i’m coming don’t worry
you were so intrigued by how everyone was behind closed doors and apparently everyone else was too. you loved how Ethan played her mother and how he played Nate.
it wasn’t until an actress resembling you walked out did you mumble “she casted us perfectly.”. with that Maddy and BB pieced everything together.
“wait this fucking play is about us?!” she screeched before laughing at some of the portrayals.
you snorted and nodded before glancing behind you. Rue was smiling and even though you still felt some kind of slight resentment still, it felt nice to know she could find humor in this after all she’s been through.
Elliot’s facial expressions weren’t changing too much, but then again…his goofy ass wasn’t in the play.
Jules was into it and don’t even get me started on Suze. the entire room knew she was loving it.
it wasn’t until Cassie and Nate had both waltzed out of the theater for a moment after Ethan’s number that shit hit the fan. you turned around right in time to see Cassie fog up the auditorium doors glass.
“oh shit.” you and Rue mumbled to yourselves on opposite rows before roughly facing back forward.
Cassie walked up to the stage clapping and cursing at Lexi. Ethan tried to intervene and Suze tried to stop her daughter.
“is this apart of the play?” Micheal asked from across the room.
“how about the part where she fucked Martha’s boyfriend?” Maddy yelled out inciting a gasp from the crowd.
“they weren’t together!” Cassie cried as Maddy snickered. she kept going on and on before the crowd started screaming.
“racist!” somebody called from the crowd.
you did see some of Cassie’s points because yeah she did just literally expose you alls most vulnerable moments in front of everyone.
but honestly?
fuck Cassie.
the bitch was annoying and needed this moment.
and no matter what, Lexi’s truth would be Lexi’s truth.
and sometimes the truth hurts.
y/n: fez i don’t know where you are, but Cassie’s literally giving herself away right now. the bitch is breaking.
you put your phone down and enjoyed Cassie’s hollering on stage and pity monologue she created until she found out her sister knew what she had going on at the fair. literally everyone knew, but that set her off. the second she put her hands on her decoy you had had enough.
“ayo bitch!” you yelled standing up, Maddy standing too when Cassie’s head snapped towards you.
“rock her in her shit Mads.” you laughed.
Jules screamed out in laughter as Maddy ran up on Cassie, you in tow. phones recorded the mini fight before you, Kat, and BB followed Cassie and Maddy into the back, Lexi screaming behind you.
“nonono! Maddy no!” Kat screamed as you all chased Cassie to the back.
Maddy slammed Cassie’s head into the wall and you heard Lexi stop running and start sniffling behind you, you stopped chasing after that.
you let Kat and BB run on as you went to comfort Lexi.
“everything’s literally ruined. i fucked up.” she cried into your shoulder. you could faintly hear everyone cheering Lexi’s name from behind the walls.
“listen…” you said lifting her head. she quizzically looked at you before she sighed in recognition. they loved it. she laughed and wiped her tears away.
“they think it’s apart of the show and the shows gotta go on. go address your people. i gotta go fix “Cassie’s” makeup.” you snorted before going into the dressing room to assess the mauled actress.
you walked into the frantic backstage area. Ethan was pacing, Bobbi was reading over the script in confusion, the light people were reading a light manual, and the actors were huddled together.
“okay people get your shit together! we have a play to finish!” you yelled at them while making your way to the extra makeup kit.
“chair. now.” you said pointing at the blonde with smeared lip gloss and a loose lash.
“now get your ass on that carousel.” you mumbled before walking off back into the auditorium and hearing the last of Lexi’s words on stage.
“so even though he couldn’t be here with us tonight…this one’s for you.” she finished before disappearing.
“y/n!” some guy said making your presence known as you sat in your seat now alone. you felt a pat on your back and heard a few chants before someone came and sat right beside you.
you knew that smell. you smelt it everyday up until a few weeks ago. it kind of irked you, but you were trying.
“are you okay?” Elliot asked you.
now i know what your thinking.
why aren’t you pushing Elliot away? why aren’t you making a scene. you let Rue off the hook with a mini beating, but your cool now? so Elliot gets the same treatment?
well.
your dad had talked to you and honestly? moving on and forgiving, but not forgetting was way more peaceful than dwelling on it.
“you can hate them.” Ali told you. “you’re allowed to, but from here on out? what else you do is gonna determine your situation.”
you accepted their actions for what it was and forgiving wasn’t like you, but you were 18. you couldn’t cry then punch people forever.
when your dad told you Jules and Elliot both told Leslie about Rue using and her running away you felt your heartstrings pull.
you couldn’t imagine what it was like.
but that explained why a few weeks after you fought her at Fez’s house she told you she was clean. she was trying to get better. you wanted to be better too.
so you forgave her.
and if you could forgive her that meant you had to at least face Elliot.
“y/n please just wait!” he called out to as you stormed from Hayes’s office after Cassie’s impromptu attack with tears running down your face.
although Cal was long gone, his name ran long and his son still was able to pull strings. you had to promise to not press charges on Cassie and to never mention it again to get out of suspension.
she kept getting coddled and you hated it.
“Elliot please.” you tiredly mumbled. he stopped at your expression and the tears staining your face. the last time he saw you cry you had exposed him.
he didn’t like that expression on you.
“what’s wrong?” he asked in that caring tone he always had when you first started dating. you sighed before laying on the cold wall behind you and sliding down it.
you chuckled looking up at him as he looked down at your defeated frame.
“i exposed the truth and i’m still tired. i still can barely take it.” you let out a humorless laugh. “i should feel better.” you said looking at his cheek tattoo.
he crouched down and wiped the tears from your cheeks. you resisted the urge to lean in and push him away at the same time.
“i know me saying sorry doesn’t fix anything.” he softly said. “but i truly am sorry. when i say i loved you and i still do i mean it. i truly do. i treated you horribly and i’m sorry.” he sincerely said.
you took one big sniffle before nodding your head at him.
“…i know…and i forgive you.” a small smile broke onto his face before he grabbed your hand and squeezed.
you felt some warmth and had to force your small smile to go down. shaking your head and pulling your hand back to speak to him.
“i’m not ever going to forget what happened. i don’t have that luxury.” you stated. “that being said our relationship will never be the same. i don’t hate you, but i don’t think we’re ever going to be be close again.” you said struggling to stand with numb legs. you were ready to take a nap.
Elliot nodded at your words before he helped you up.
“at least i have something.” he smiled. you rolled your eyes before waving goodbye to him.
“Elliot.” you said in acknowledgment of the boy beside you as an actress that resembled you walked on to the stage again.
“Jade, Star, and i met the first day of preschool. i already knew Jade, but Star was new and gravitated towards us immediately. we were three very different people, but we were one.” Lexi narrated.
“there was once a time Star didn’t show up to school for around two weeks.” she added.
“she’s probably like, dead or something.” Jade said licking at her ice cream. Lexi smacked her shoulder and Jade quickly went to cradle her aching arm.
“don’t say that! she’s probably just sick. you know that orange chicken was green last week.” the audience laughed at her words. Jade let her arm go, nodded, and proceeded to eat her food. Lexi turns to the audience with a solemn look.
“the truth was Star’s mom had up and left her and there was no warning or reasoning why. Star hadn’t been to school because she had no ride. her food at home was running low, and there was not that much money left.” Lexi announced to the engaged crowd. your own eyes were watering as you were forced to live your truth again.
“Star never knew her father, but by a miracle the day before everything in her home was to be shut off, she was able to call him. he heard her voice and despite never knowing of her, he came running.” Lexi said walking into the darkness as the lights panned to another area.
Star was off to the side of the stage crying into a phone before Ethan appeared as her dad and took her away.
Star and Lexi laid on the ground staring up into the sky.
“she left me Lex…she fucking left me to die and he was right there, but she never admitted it.” Star cried into her chest. Lexi ran her hand over Star’s head.
“turns out her dad was close, but yet so far her entire life. her mom had her in the same town as her father, but never took her to him. little Star had so much to figure out. a new home, a new normal, once no dad and a mom to now, no mom and a dad.” Lexi sighed before continuing.
“Jade also had to figure things out too. a bit over a year later, Jade had to bury her father.” the curtain closed as they got ready for the last act.
the audience clapped as you sobbed into Elliot’s jacket. he patted your back and rubbed your head as you let everything out on him. you head was starting to hurt from the tears, but the show was starting back up.
“i was in the hall when you died…” Jade’s voice sucked you in.
you paid attention you looked at every little thing, including slightly laughing at the picture of you all at Rue’s father’s funeral. you stood up clapping and shouting as the cast bowed before the curtains closed for the final time in farewell.
Maddy and Cassie still weren’t back. Neither were BB and Kat. you felt bad they had to miss the rest of something so beautiful. you and Elliot walked past Jules who nodded at your and ignored Elliot, moving to go speak with Rue.
you went outside and waited for her. once she returned with no Jules you came to talk to her. Elliot was a yard away smoking a cigarette and watching you two.
“how are you feeling?” you asked her. she smiled and did a small squeal.
“i don’t feel…i don’t feel like a monster anymore. that play made me feel more human than I’ve ever felt these last five years.” she said smiling at you.
“i felt kind of exposed and overwhelmed, but it honestly was so freeing.” you said agreeing with her. you wish Fez could’ve experienced it.
little did you know the boy you knew who only wanted protect Fez and to make his money was laying on the cold floor, his entire life gone.
the same hall Fez first saw Ash was the same hall he saw Ash leave from.
“hey!” Lexi yelled running up to you two and giving you both a hug. Rue broke apart first.
“you’re a fucking genius!” Rue shouted.
“Julliard is needed now!” you shouted too.
she laughed at you two before gif and Rue joined in.
“you guys wanna go out and eat with me and my mom?” Lexi asked. She agreed, but you grimaced and sighed shaking your head.
“i’m going to Fez’s.” you explained. you needed to see what was up because you knew he wouldn’t miss this for anything minor.
“oh! tell him i’m not mad? i know something must have came up.” she rushed out as Suze called her name loudly.
“bye y/n!” Rue said as you started to leave.
“will do. i’ll see you later!” you called behind your shoulder.
y/n: i’m coming over :p
taglist: @jeyramarie @lainjupi @whitejuliana1204 @theeblackbarbiesworld @leawxlker @babadowie @xxloveralways14 @colbysbrocks @euphoruya @lselnerys @thecraziestcrayon
#euphoria#euphoria imagine#elliot euphoria#euphoria x reader#rue bennett#fezco euphoria#elliot imagine#maddy perez#jules vaughn#fezco x reader#rue bennet x reader#elliot x reader#fezco imagine#kat hernandez#bb euphoria#ashtray euphoria#bobbi euphoria#nate jacobs#cassie howard#lexi howard#nate x cassie
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I’m going to be so annoying for awhile with all the top tier Remus content we just got I need to make a list.
First off I just want to say the emblem totally should have been pointing at his asshole like an arrow. I will not be taking criticism on this.
Still love it tho <3
I’m glad he’s “forbidden creativity” and not “dark” bc it’s just a lot better. Doesn’t imply he’s bad and wrong, just that his ideas are considered taboo and weird as fuck.
Also him not being labeled “intrusive thoughts” like everyone tries to label him like NO HE IS CREATIVITY NOT JUST INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS
Everything about the line “Open your fucking mind, bro!!!” Was gold lmao. I’m so glad I’m writing him correctly with being so casual and sweary.
Him being so bitter and dismissive about only being in three episodes so far.
Him being so vague and evil with his evil little prayer hands. Also implying he’s gonna be apart of the big storm coming like… he’s gonna have a big ROLE soon guys I’m dying.
Anti Spoiler Spray. Enough said.
He hates soap SO FUCKING MUCH yet asking Janus to stab him instead is fine. Honestly, I think it would be ten times funnier if Janus just fucking stabbed him to shut him up lmao.
“Boo hoo let me play you a song on the world’s tiniest violin :(( bitch you guys are boring.” FUCKING LOVE HIM
I so badly want to see what he did to the mindpalace. I mean I know they use that space to record for green screening, but please Thomas I want to see what he did to that room. I want to see the graffiti of butts and dicks.
Idk who was saying what when they were dashing away to not get caught playing Patton’s ddr, BUT the fact that Remus was worse at the game than Janus is so fucking funny to me.
(Remus was on the right).
Also the fact that they regularly break into the other sides’ rooms to mess with their shit is the best thing to come out of this episode I’m so fucking happy about that.
Him getting so excited about Thomas putting his nicknames in….. *sobs*
He gets all scrunchy and stimmy GOD I’m going to crush his stupid head in my hands he’s precious.
The “Pissy” joke PLEASE I love how he just wants to annoy the shit outta his brother.
AND THOMAS DOING IT IS SOME HOW FUNNIER IM SO UPSET THAT WE DIDNT GET TO SEE HIS REACTION TO THOMAS DOING IT
Roman actually calling him his brother makes me happy for some reason <3
Remus regularly hides in the walls and I’m okay with this fact. Man, how many times do you think he’s gotten stuck in there??? You can make some fun claustrophobia angst with that lol.
He was probably hidden in the walls when he whispered bubba gump shrimp to Roman tbh
WHY DID WE NOT GET TO SEE REMUS’ (and Janus’ ig) THOUGHTS ON NICO?? IS THIS GONNA BE A PLOT POINT OR SOMETHING I JUST WANT REMUS TO MAKE A DIRTY JOKE ABOUT HIM
Y’all already heard most of my thoughts on the “regrets??” bit but I will say the fact that he does canonically get a rash and swollen throat is very good to me :)
Also how many times has he done the “soap in your mouth as punishment for swearing” joke and then ends up getting a bad allergic reaction?? I wanna know Thomas please bring it up later in the future.
The most sobered up and calm I’ve ever seen Remus is him saying he’d be the fresh outta jail uncle if they were doing a family role thing.
Also speaking of sober, Remus did not have one sip of wine or alcohol in general this whole video and idk if it’s just he wouldn’t drink wine and would go straight to vodka or I can fuel more of my alcoholic Janus hcs.
The question was “what do you think is gonna happen next” and Remus was talking about what was gonna happen with him while everyone else kept it pretty general. Does this bitch have a plan?? How much has he thought about this??
And ik it ended up being a joke, but I am seeing it as him making it a joke because the topic was too serious and he didn’t like it bc I want to.
I need to look up what a cystic surgery is hang on
Alright go off some people are into that.
His little smile tho <33
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What if Mc was a person who don't take shit from anyone, demon human or Angel, and just was this small sassy piece of dynamite? How’d everyone react?
MC who takes no shit - brothers + undateables
Satans pact and chapter 16 spoilers
Lucifer:
So you've chosen death
This man can't even handle the smallest sign of defiance
an actual bitch boy
"You are here because you were picked to attend, you were listed to be under my care, this is MY house! You follow MY rules-"
"hold that for a second, I'm calling Dia."
He's so easy to rile up
You feed off his quick temper, he makes it too easy
But he deserves it
Too many times he thinks he can just control you and his brothers
You've cut Mammon down from the ceiling, when faced to Lucifer you just handed him the rope
"If you want someone to hang so much, do it yourself, old man, it is your fault after all - if you didn't leave your cursed valuables lying around Mammon would of never tried to steal them and get himself cursed."
Mammon:
He both scared of you and in awe of you
He's surprise you're still alive at this point
Of course you're alive, the great Mammon is looking after you
You have definitely called him out for being a tsundere
"So, you wanna make out or do you wanna keep yammering on?"
"I- You can't just be saying that to demons!! Why would I wanna kiss some human-"
"Kay, I'm going to go see if Levi wants to-"
"WAIT! DON'T DO THAT!"
Whenever he steals something from you or the others, you go on a man hunt
"Sell your own stuff! You always have something new in there! or are you that scummy and bad with money you need to steal off others ?"
Please have some mercy with him
In general, finds your sassy attitude interesting, always wonders what the new comment or roast will be
Levithan:
Scared and in awe but times it by 10
Is mostly terrified because you make him upset
Didn't expect to be called a guilt tripping bitch
"You're busy? I get it, I mean - why would you ever want to spend time with someone like me? I'm just some nobody, a yucky otaku who no one wants to be around-"
"I get having a low self esteem but shitting on yourself at EVERY given chance and then go on to be about how yucky and worthless you are when I just wanna spend time with someone else?! You can fuck right off!"
He thinks you're a delinquent, has gotten you a cool jacket so you can put it over your shoulders
You can pat him on the back for at least being able to stand up for himself, he's always ready to brawl and never shys away from calling his brothers out
Always lets you wear his headset and just watches as you cuss and sass any petty player
Satan:
It seems you keep choosing death
You wanna get sassy and back talk the literal embodiment of wrath????!
So - do you want be buried or cremated?
You take none of his shit
He respects it just as much as he hates It
We all know he has good control over his anger but there's a limit on how much of your attitude he can stand
"You're so petty, do you have to be a smart-ass about everything?"
"that's rich coming from the guy who threatened to cut off my limbs because I wouldn't make a pact wth him."
When he doesn't respond you just nod to yourself, checking your nails
"Yeah that's what I thought."
If he needs to come up with a good come back he always asks you
Sits back and watches you argue with Lucifer
Asmodeus:
He loves it until you call him out
Didn't expect to get psychologically profiled
"At first I thought you were just a narcissist but now I see you're just a Insecure man who placed his value on his looks and how people perceive him-"
" You can't seem to handle any type of bad press about you-"
"Oh? Did you make yourself look bad then blame it on someone else because they just wanted to do what they please? Oh boo hoo!"
You could end this man's career with a single word
But, if you're 'no shit' attitude is targeted to someone else? He's all over it
Will sigh dreamily and watch you chew Someone out
Unless you get super roasty and rude - he encourages you to talk to him with an attitude
"You're so hot when you talk like that~"
Knows you aren't all sass, he definitely enjoys your more softer side
Will invite you to a sleep over so you two can gossip and rant over a bottle of wine and do a mini spar
Beezlebub:
What prompted you to be this sassy? He's baby!
I mean, he did throw a fit when you ate his custard and destroyed your room
Sure, constant hunger is painful but he can survive without one custard
Yeah- he can be up for roasting and being chased out
"You've told me you literally want to eat me! How is that comforting?! You're hunger tantrums are already bad enough but now I know I could be on the menu?"
"No thanks! Do the hokey pokey and turn your goofy ass around!"
Has a habit of being your stool, he doesn't mind really, finds it pretty adorable actually
You're so small compared to demons so when a gym jock is being rude about you or Beel
You just snap your fingers and he'll sit down, hunch over and put his hands over his head
You'll just step on his palms (you take off your shoes angrily whilst telling the jock demon to not move an inch) and just go off
He understands where alot of your cusses come from, he agrees with you and feels guilty on his behaviour
Really likes it when you stand up for him; normally no one does that because he's such a big guy
Belphie does it but things can be abit disheartening when your twin Is the only one rushing to help you
Belphegor:
You know what? Understandable, please, fire away
Just keep making jokes and references to all the bad things he's done
He needs to be put in his place
The dude has literally killed you! If you weren't going to give him an earful when you recovered then what was the point?!
This man is one of many bastards in this school
Either watches you go off on people or sleeps mid arguement to stop hearing you call him out
"I'm innocent, I haven't done a single thing wrong in my life."
"wELL-"
He will always respect you for looking out for his twin, when he can't do anything he always looks to you to step in
Has held things out of your reach just to watch you get mad
UNDATEABLES↓
Diavolo:
You've chosen a fate worse than death at the cost of sassing a pure man
He gets upset but is very understanding, it's his companions who will handle your fate
I honestly, CANNOT, think of a reason you'd want to be sassy or rude to him
If it's just in general and not meant to offend him; he thinks it's very attractive
You've got a silver tongue and able to make a comment without much thought
Very impressive
His type is Lucifer very simple
You'd call him out for letting dangerous behaviour happen at the school and putting loads of faith into Lucifer
Perhaps point out how reckless inviting humans to a demon realm - who could easily be killed if they don't have an escort with them at all times
But other than that? He's safe
Barbatos:
He is your executioner
He can handle a jab
But he will remind you he was the one who saved you if you get too out spoken with him
that only gets him more cussed out though
"So you're aware of pretty much every event that happens, Right?"
"You could say that."
"Then shouldn't you use those abilities to then help anyone and stop all sorts of tragedies?"
"My Lord has stopped me from using my powers freely."
OKAY THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN CUSS DIA OUT ON
In general, you just make comments about how vague he is
He's too mysterious that it's just ridiculous
You want to get to know him but he just gives you that smug look and amused laughter
Solomon:
Can you really be blamed for being Sus of him?
He's so suspicious, for what?! For what reason?!
He doesn't like being called old? Depending how disrepectful you wanna be, you like to use the nickname "Grandpa Solo"
"I'm surprised you aren't actually some evil Wizard trying to get the brothers pacts so you can be the most powerful human alive and take over the Devildom."
"Who says I'm not?"
He's witty and smug
You're sassy and explosive
You're a duo that should be feared
The two powerful humans banding together? I'm sure there's a website on the two of you with theories of your evil plans
Simeon:
Finds your attitude delightful!
Didn't want his kindness to annoy you but it did, sometimes it is a crime to be Too nice
His favoured company are all sassy bastards so it only makes sense he likes you very much
"You gave them bangles that made them into SAINTS! that's fucking weird! And you had them turn into angels despite the fact they have truama from heaven!"
as mischievous as Simeon can be
His angelic nature really does pop out alot
"aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you want to go ape-shit?"
"Of course not, there's no need but thank you for worrying about me, I know I can seem force and strange to you but I really do enjoy being kind to others."
"disgusting."
Almost fought him during the TSL event; you didn't expect him to do a 360 and become super strict
Despite your hard shell you care alot about the people you're close with and can't stand to see them upset
Luke:
It appears you're trying to throw hands with a 10 year old
He does seem demonphobic
Why are you always denying your true feeling??!! Just admit you like demons!
You try not to swear and be outwardly rude Infront of him
But sometimes this little boy really tests your patience
"Okay species-ist."
Is your main response when he's being a tsundere
He's the one who's the safest from your attitude
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me shitpost#gamingclubpresident#obey me mammon#aracadejohn217 9#obey me mc#obey me asmodeus#obey me beezlebub#obey me satan#obey me luke#obey me leviathan#obey me luficer#diavolo obey me#obey me diavolo#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me belphegor#obey me barbatos#obey me imagine#obey me headcanon#obey me mc imagine#demon brother's#obey me undateables#cw: swearing#crude language#chapter 16 spoilers obey me#obey me chapter 16#obey me spoilers
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”This essay has been kicking around in my head for years now and I’ve never felt confident enough to write it. It’s a time in my life I’m ashamed of. It’s a time that I hurt people and, through inaction, allowed others to be hurt. It’s a time that I acted as a violent agent of capitalism and white supremacy. Under the guise of public safety, I personally ruined people’s lives but in so doing, made the public no safer… so did the family members and close friends of mine who also bore the badge alongside me.
But enough is enough.
The reforms aren’t working. Incrementalism isn’t happening. Unarmed Black, indigenous, and people of color are being killed by cops in the streets and the police are savagely attacking the people protesting these murders.
American policing is a thick blue tumor strangling the life from our communities and if you don’t believe it when the poor and the marginalized say it, if you don’t believe it when you see cops across the country shooting journalists with less-lethal bullets and caustic chemicals, maybe you’ll believe it when you hear it straight from the pig’s mouth.”
>>Copied here in case anyone gets paywalled when they click the above. The full article is...a lot.<<
WHY AM I WRITING THIS
As someone who went through the training, hiring, and socialization of a career in law enforcement, I wanted to give a first-hand account of why I believe police officers are the way they are. Not to excuse their behavior, but to explain it and to indict the structures that perpetuate it.
I believe that if everyone understood how we’re trained and brought up in the profession, it would inform the demands our communities should be making of a new way of community safety. If I tell you how we were made, I hope it will empower you to unmake us.
One of the other reasons I’ve struggled to write this essay is that I don’t want to center the conversation on myself and my big salty boo-hoo feelings about my bad choices. It’s a toxic white impulse to see atrocities and think “How can I make this about me?” So, I hope you’ll take me at my word that this account isn’t meant to highlight me, but rather the hundred thousand of me in every city in the country. It’s about the structure that made me (that I chose to pollute myself with) and it’s my meager contribution to the cause of radical justice.
YES, ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS
I was a police officer in a major metropolitan area in California with a predominantly poor, non-white population (with a large proportion of first-generation immigrants). One night during briefing, our watch commander told us that the city council had requested a new zero tolerance policy. Against murderers, drug dealers, or child predators?
No, against homeless people collecting cans from recycling bins.
See, the city had some kickback deal with the waste management company where waste management got paid by the government for our expected tonnage of recycling. When homeless people “stole” that recycling from the waste management company, they were putting that cheaper contract in peril. So, we were to arrest as many recyclers as we could find.
Even for me, this was a stupid policy and I promptly blew Sarge off. But a few hours later, Sarge called me over to assist him. He was detaining a 70 year old immigrant who spoke no English, who he’d seen picking a coke can out of a trash bin. He ordered me to arrest her for stealing trash. I said, “Sarge, c’mon, she’s an old lady.” He said, “I don’t give a shit. Hook her up, that’s an order.” And… I did. She cried the entire way to the station and all through the booking process. I couldn’t even comfort her because I didn’t speak Spanish. I felt disgusting but I was ordered to make this arrest and I wasn’t willing to lose my job for her.
If you’re tempted to feel sympathy for me, don’t. I used to happily hassle the homeless under other circumstances. I researched obscure penal codes so I could arrest people in homeless encampments for lesser known crimes like “remaining too close to railroad property” (369i of the California Penal Code). I used to call it “planting warrant seeds” since I knew they wouldn’t make their court dates and we could arrest them again and again for warrant violations.
We used to have informal contests for who could cite or arrest someone for the weirdest law. DUI on a bicycle, non-regulation number of brooms on your tow truck (27700(a)(1) of the California Vehicle Code)… shit like that. For me, police work was a logic puzzle for arresting people, regardless of their actual threat to the community. As ashamed as I am to admit it, it needs to be said: stripping people of their freedom felt like a game to me for many years.
I know what you’re going to ask: did I ever plant drugs? Did I ever plant a gun on someone? Did I ever make a false arrest or file a false report? Believe it or not, the answer is no. Cheating was no fun, I liked to get my stats the “legitimate” way. But I knew officers who kept a little baggie of whatever or maybe a pocket knife that was a little too big in their war bags (yeah, we called our dufflebags “war bags”…). Did I ever tell anybody about it? No I did not. Did I ever confess my suspicions when cocaine suddenly showed up in a gang member’s jacket? No I did not.
In fact, let me tell you about an extremely formative experience: in my police academy class, we had a clique of around six trainees who routinely bullied and harassed other students: intentionally scuffing another trainee’s shoes to get them in trouble during inspection, sexually harassing female trainees, cracking racist jokes, and so on. Every quarter, we were to write anonymous evaluations of our squadmates. I wrote scathing accounts of their behavior, thinking I was helping keep bad apples out of law enforcement and believing I would be protected. Instead, the academy staff read my complaints to them out loud and outed me to them and never punished them, causing me to get harassed for the rest of my academy class. That’s how I learned that even police leadership hates rats. That’s why no one is “changing things from the inside.” They can’t, the structure won’t allow it.
And that’s the point of what I’m telling you. Whether you were my sergeant, legally harassing an old woman, me, legally harassing our residents, my fellow trainees bullying the rest of us, or “the bad apples” illegally harassing “shitbags”, we were all in it together. I knew cops that pulled women over to flirt with them. I knew cops who would pepper spray sleeping bags so that homeless people would have to throw them away. I knew cops that intentionally provoked anger in suspects so they could claim they were assaulted. I was particularly good at winding people up verbally until they lashed out so I could fight them. Nobody spoke out. Nobody stood up. Nobody betrayed the code.
None of us protected the people (you) from bad cops.
This is why “All cops are bastards.” Even your uncle, even your cousin, even your mom, even your brother, even your best friend, even your spouse, even me. Because even if they wouldn’t Do The Thing themselves, they will almost never rat out another officer who Does The Thing, much less stop it from happening.
BASTARD 101
I could write an entire book of the awful things I’ve done, seen done, and heard others bragging about doing. But, to me, the bigger question is “How did it get this way?”. While I was a police officer in a city 30 miles from where I lived, many of my fellow officers were from the community and treated their neighbors just as badly as I did. While every cop’s individual biases come into play, it’s the profession itself that is toxic, and it starts from day 1 of training.
Every police academy is different but all of them share certain features: taught by old cops, run like a paramilitary bootcamp, strong emphasis on protecting yourself more than anyone else. The majority of my time in the academy was spent doing aggressive physical training and watching video after video after video of police officers being murdered on duty.
I want to highlight this: nearly everyone coming into law enforcement is bombarded with dash cam footage of police officers being ambushed and killed. Over and over and over. Colorless VHS mortality plays, cops screaming for help over their radios, their bodies going limp as a pair of tail lights speed away into a grainy black horizon. In my case, with commentary from an old racist cop who used to brag about assaulting Black Panthers.
To understand why all cops are bastards, you need to understand one of the things almost every training officer told me when it came to using force:
“I’d rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6.”
Meaning, “I’ll take my chances in court rather than risk getting hurt”. We’re able to think that way because police unions are extremely overpowered and because of the generous concept of Qualified Immunity, a legal theory which says a cop generally can’t be held personally liable for mistakes they make doing their job in an official capacity.
When you look at the actions of the officers who killed George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, David McAtee, Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, Eric Garner, or Freddie Gray, remember that they, like me, were trained to recite “I’d rather be judged by 12” as a mantra. Even if Mistakes Were Made™, the city (meaning the taxpayers, meaning you) pays the settlement, not the officer.
Once police training has - through repetition, indoctrination, and violent spectacle - promised officers that everyone in the world is out to kill them, the next lesson is that your partners are the only people protecting you. Occasionally, this is even true: I’ve had encounters turn on me rapidly to the point I legitimately thought I was going to die, only to have other officers come and turn the tables.
One of the most important thought leaders in law enforcement is Col. Dave Grossman, a “killologist” who wrote an essay called “Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs”. Cops are the sheepdogs, bad guys are the wolves, and the citizens are the sheep (!). Col. Grossman makes sure to mention that to a stupid sheep, sheepdogs look more like wolves than sheep, and that’s why they dislike you.
This “they hate you for protecting them and only I love you, only I can protect you” tactic is familiar to students of abuse. It’s what abusers do to coerce their victims into isolation, pulling them away from friends and family and ensnaring them in the abuser’s toxic web. Law enforcement does this too, pitting the officer against civilians. “They don’t understand what you do, they don’t respect your sacrifice, they just want to get away with crimes. You’re only safe with us.”
I think the Wolves vs. Sheepdogs dynamic is one of the most important elements as to why officers behave the way they do. Every single second of my training, I was told that criminals were not a legitimate part of their community, that they were individual bad actors, and that their bad actions were solely the result of their inherent criminality. Any concept of systemic trauma, generational poverty, or white supremacist oppression was either never mentioned or simply dismissed. After all, most people don’t steal, so anyone who does isn’t “most people,” right? To us, anyone committing a crime deserved anything that happened to them because they broke the “social contract.” And yet, it was never even a question as to whether the power structure above them was honoring any sort of contract back.
Understand: Police officers are part of the state monopoly on violence and all police training reinforces this monopoly as a cornerstone of police work, a source of honor and pride. Many cops fantasize about getting to kill someone in the line of duty, egged on by others that have. One of my training officers told me about the time he shot and killed a mentally ill homeless man wielding a big stick. He bragged that he “slept like a baby” that night. Official training teaches you how to be violent effectively and when you’re legally allowed to deploy that violence, but “unofficial training” teaches you to desire violence, to expand the breadth of your violence without getting caught, and to erode your own compassion for desperate people so you can justify punitive violence against them.
HOW TO BE A BASTARD
I have participated in some of these activities personally, others are ones I either witnessed personally or heard officers brag about openly. Very, very occasionally, I knew an officer who was disciplined or fired for one of these things.
Police officers will lie about the law, about what’s illegal, or about what they can legally do to you in order to manipulate you into doing what they want.
Police officers will lie about feeling afraid for their life to justify a use of force after the fact.
Police officers will lie and tell you they’ll file a police report just to get you off their back.
Police officers will lie that your cooperation will “look good for you” in court, or that they will “put in a good word for you with the DA.” The police will never help you look good in court.
Police officers will lie about what they see and hear to access private property to conduct unlawful searches.
Police officers will lie and say your friend already ratted you out, so you might as well rat them back out. This is almost never true.
Police officers will lie and say you’re not in trouble in order to get you to exit a location or otherwise make an arrest more convenient for them.
Police officers will lie and say that they won’t arrest you if you’ll just “be honest with them” so they know what really happened.
Police officers will lie about their ability to seize the property of friends and family members to coerce a confession.
Police officers will write obviously bullshit tickets so that they get time-and-a-half overtime fighting them in court.
Police officers will search places and containers you didn’t consent to and later claim they were open or “smelled like marijuana”.
Police officers will threaten you with a more serious crime they can’t prove in order to convince you to confess to the lesser crime they really want you for.
Police officers will employ zero tolerance on races and ethnicities they dislike and show favor and lenience to members of their own group.
Police officers will use intentionally extra-painful maneuvers and holds during an arrest to provoke “resistance” so they can further assault the suspect.
Some police officers will plant drugs and weapons on you, sometimes to teach you a lesson, sometimes if they kill you somewhere away from public view.
Some police officers will assault you to intimidate you and threaten to arrest you if you tell anyone.
A non-trivial number of police officers will steal from your house or vehicle during a search.
A non-trivial number of police officers commit intimate partner violence and use their status to get away with it.
A non-trivial number of police officers use their position to entice, coerce, or force sexual favors from vulnerable people.
If you take nothing else away from this essay, I want you to tattoo this onto your brain forever: if a police officer is telling you something, it is probably a lie designed to gain your compliance.
Do not talk to cops and never, ever believe them. Do not “try to be helpful” with cops. Do not assume they are trying to catch someone else instead of you. Do not assume what they are doing is “important” or even legal. Under no circumstances assume any police officer is acting in good faith.
Also, and this is important, do not talk to cops.
I just remembered something, do not talk to cops.
Checking my notes real quick, something jumped out at me:
Do
not
fucking
talk
to
cops.
Ever.
Say, “I don’t answer questions,” and ask if you’re free to leave; if so, leave. If not, tell them you want your lawyer and that, per the Supreme Court, they must terminate questioning. If they don’t, file a complaint and collect some badges for your mantle.
DO THE BASTARDS EVER HELP?
Reading the above, you may be tempted to ask whether cops ever do anything good. And the answer is, sure, sometimes. In fact, most officers I worked with thought they were usually helping the helpless and protecting the safety of innocent people.
During my tenure in law enforcement, I protected women from domestic abusers, arrested cold-blooded murderers and child molesters, and comforted families who lost children to car accidents and other tragedies. I helped connect struggling people in my community with local resources for food, shelter, and counseling. I deescalated situations that could have turned violent and talked a lot of people down from making the biggest mistake of their lives. I worked with plenty of officers who were individually kind, bought food for homeless residents, or otherwise showed care for their community.
The question is this: did I need a gun and sweeping police powers to help the average person on the average night? The answer is no. When I was doing my best work as a cop, I was doing mediocre work as a therapist or a social worker. My good deeds were listening to people failed by the system and trying to unite them with any crumbs of resources the structure was currently denying them.
It’s also important to note that well over 90% of the calls for service I handled were reactive, showing up well after a crime had taken place. We would arrive, take a statement, collect evidence (if any), file the report, and onto the next caper. Most “active” crimes we stopped were someone harmless possessing or selling a small amount of drugs. Very, very rarely would we stop something dangerous in progress or stop something from happening entirely. The closest we could usually get was seeing someone running away from the scene of a crime, but the damage was still done.
And consider this: my job as a police officer required me to be a marriage counselor, a mental health crisis professional, a conflict negotiator, a social worker, a child advocate, a traffic safety expert, a sexual assault specialist, and, every once in awhile, a public safety officer authorized to use force, all after only a 1000 hours of training at a police academy. Does the person we send to catch a robber also need to be the person we send to interview a rape victim or document a fender bender? Should one profession be expected to do all that important community care (with very little training) all at the same time?
To put this another way: I made double the salary most social workers made to do a fraction of what they could do to mitigate the causes of crimes and desperation. I can count very few times my monopoly on state violence actually made our citizens safer, and even then, it’s hard to say better-funded social safety nets and dozens of other community care specialists wouldn’t have prevented a problem before it started.
Armed, indoctrinated (and dare I say, traumatized) cops do not make you safer; community mutual aid networks who can unite other people with the resources they need to stay fed, clothed, and housed make you safer. I really want to hammer this home: every cop in your neighborhood is damaged by their training, emboldened by their immunity, and they have a gun and the ability to take your life with near-impunity. This does not make you safer, even if you’re white.
HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE A BASTARD?
So what do we do about it? Even though I’m an expert on bastardism, I am not a public policy expert nor an expert in organizing a post-police society. So, before I give some suggestions, let me tell you what probably won’t solve the problem of bastard cops:
Increased “bias” training. A quarterly or even monthly training session is not capable of covering over years of trauma-based camaraderie in police forces. I can tell you from experience, we don’t take it seriously, the proctors let us cheat on whatever “tests” there are, and we all made fun of it later over coffee.
Tougher laws. I hope you understand by now, cops do not follow the law and will not hold each other accountable to the law. Tougher laws are all the more reason to circle the wagons and protect your brothers and sisters.
More community policing programs. Yes, there is a marginal effect when a few cops get to know members of the community, but look at the protests of 2020: many of the cops pepper-spraying journalists were probably the nice school cop a month ago.
Police officers do not protect and serve people, they protect and serve the status quo, “polite society”, and private property. Using the incremental mechanisms of the status quo will never reform the police because the status quo relies on police violence to exist. Capitalism requires a permanent underclass to exploit for cheap labor and it requires the cops to bring that underclass to heel.
Instead of wasting time with minor tweaks, I recommend exploring the following ideas:
No more qualified immunity. Police officers should be personally liable for all decisions they make in the line of duty.
No more civil asset forfeiture. Did you know that every year, citizens like you lose more cash and property to unaccountable civil asset forfeiture than to all burglaries combined? The police can steal your stuff without charging you with a crime and it makes some police departments very rich.
Break the power of police unions. Police unions make it nearly impossible to fire bad cops and incentivize protecting them to protect the power of the union. A police union is not a labor union; police officers are powerful state agents, not exploited workers.
Require malpractice insurance. Doctors must pay for insurance in case they botch a surgery, police officers should do the same for botching a police raid or other use of force. If human decency won’t motivate police to respect human life, perhaps hitting their wallet might.
Defund, demilitarize, and disarm cops. Thousands of police departments own assault rifles, armored personnel carriers, and stuff you’d see in a warzone. Police officers have grants and huge budgets to spend on guns, ammo, body armor, and combat training. 99% of calls for service require no armed response, yet when all you have is a gun, every problem feels like target practice. Cities are not safer when unaccountable bullies have a monopoly on state violence and the equipment to execute that monopoly.
One final idea: consider abolishing the police.
I know what you’re thinking, “What? We need the police! They protect us!” As someone who did it for nearly a decade, I need you to understand that by and large, police protection is marginal, incidental. It’s an illusion created by decades of copaganda designed to fool you into thinking these brave men and women are holding back the barbarians at the gates.
I alluded to this above: the vast majority of calls for service I handled were theft reports, burglary reports, domestic arguments that hadn’t escalated into violence, loud parties, (houseless) people loitering, traffic collisions, very minor drug possession, and arguments between neighbors. Mostly the mundane ups and downs of life in the community, with little inherent danger. And, like I mentioned, the vast majority of crimes I responded to (even violent ones) had already happened; my unaccountable license to kill was irrelevant.
What I mainly provided was an “objective” third party with the authority to document property damage, ask people to chill out or disperse, or counsel people not to beat each other up. A trained counselor or conflict resolution specialist would be ten times more effective than someone with a gun strapped to his hip wondering if anyone would try to kill him when he showed up. There are many models for community safety that can be explored if we get away from the idea that the only way to be safe is to have a man with a M4 rifle prowling your neighborhood ready at a moment’s notice to write down your name and birthday after you’ve been robbed and beaten.
You might be asking, “What about the armed robbers, the gangsters, the drug dealers, the serial killers?” And yes, in the city I worked, I regularly broke up gang parties, found gang members carrying guns, and handled homicides. I’ve seen some tragic things, from a reformed gangster shot in the head with his brains oozing out to a fifteen year old boy taking his last breath in his screaming mother’s arms thanks to a gang member’s bullet. I know the wages of violence.
This is where we have to have the courage to ask: why do people rob? Why do they join gangs? Why do they get addicted to drugs or sell them? It’s not because they are inherently evil. I submit to you that these are the results of living in a capitalist system that grinds people down and denies them housing, medical care, human dignity, and a say in their government. These are the results of white supremacy pushing people to the margins, excluding them, disrespecting them, and treating their bodies as disposable.
Equally important to remember: disabled and mentally ill people are frequently killed by police officers not trained to recognize and react to disabilities or mental health crises. Some of the people we picture as “violent offenders” are often people struggling with untreated mental illness, often due to economic hardships. Very frequently, the officers sent to “protect the community” escalate this crisis and ultimately wound or kill the person. Your community was not made safer by police violence; a sick member of your community was killed because it was cheaper than treating them. Are you extremely confident you’ll never get sick one day too?
Wrestle with this for a minute: if all of someone’s material needs were met and all the members of their community were fed, clothed, housed, and dignified, why would they need to join a gang? Why would they need to risk their lives selling drugs or breaking into buildings? If mental healthcare was free and was not stigmatized, how many lives would that save?
Would there still be a few bad actors in the world? Sure, probably. What’s my solution for them, you’re no doubt asking. I’ll tell you what: generational poverty, food insecurity, houselessness, and for-profit medical care are all problems that can be solved in our lifetimes by rejecting the dehumanizing meat grinder of capitalism and white supremacy. Once that’s done, we can work on the edge cases together, with clearer hearts not clouded by a corrupt system.
Police abolition is closely related to the idea of prison abolition and the entire concept of banishing the carceral state, meaning, creating a society focused on reconciliation and restorative justice instead of punishment, pain, and suffering — a system that sees people in crisis as humans, not monsters. People who want to abolish the police typically also want to abolish prisons, and the same questions get asked: “What about the bad guys? Where do we put them?” I bring this up because abolitionists don’t want to simply replace cops with armed social workers or prisons with casual detention centers full of puffy leather couches and Playstations. We imagine a world not divided into good guys and bad guys, but rather a world where people’s needs are met and those in crisis receive care, not dehumanization.
Here’s legendary activist and thinker Angela Y. Davis putting it better than I ever could:
“An abolitionist approach that seeks to answer questions such as these would require us to imagine a constellation of alternative strategies and institutions, with the ultimate aim of removing the prison from the social and ideological landscapes of our society. In other words, we would not be looking for prisonlike substitutes for the prison, such as house arrest safeguarded by electronic surveillance bracelets. Rather, positing decarceration as our overarching strategy, we would try to envision a continuum of alternatives to imprisonment-demilitarization of schools, revitalization of education at all levels, a health system that provides free physical and mental care to all, and a justice system based on reparation and reconciliation rather than retribution and vengeance.”
(Are Prisons Obsolete, pg. 107)
I’m not telling you I have the blueprint for a beautiful new world. What I’m telling you is that the system we have right now is broken beyond repair and that it’s time to consider new ways of doing community together. Those new ways need to be negotiated by members of those communities, particularly Black, indigenous, disabled, houseless, and citizens of color historically shoved into the margins of society. Instead of letting Fox News fill your head with nightmares about Hispanic gangs, ask the Hispanic community what they need to thrive. Instead of letting racist politicians scaremonger about pro-Black demonstrators, ask the Black community what they need to meet the needs of the most vulnerable. If you truly desire safety, ask not what your most vulnerable can do for the community, ask what the community can do for the most vulnerable.
A WORLD WITH FEWER BASTARDS IS POSSIBLE
If you take only one thing away from this essay, I hope it’s this: do not talk to cops. But if you only take two things away, I hope the second one is that it’s possible to imagine a different world where unarmed black people, indigenous people, poor people, disabled people, and people of color are not routinely gunned down by unaccountable police officers. It doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, this requires a leap of faith into community models that might feel unfamiliar, but I ask you:
When you see a man dying in the street begging for breath, don’t you want to leap away from that world?
When you see a mother or a daughter shot to death sleeping in their beds, don’t you want to leap away from that world?
When you see a twelve year old boy executed in a public park for the crime of playing with a toy, jesus fucking christ, can you really just stand there and think “This is normal”?
And to any cops who made it this far down, is this really the world you want to live in? Aren’t you tired of the trauma? Aren’t you tired of the soul sickness inherent to the badge? Aren’t you tired of looking the other way when your partners break the law? Are you really willing to kill the next George Floyd, the next Breonna Taylor, the next Tamir Rice? How confident are you that your next use of force will be something you’re proud of? I’m writing this for you too: it’s wrong what our training did to us, it’s wrong that they hardened our hearts to our communities, and it’s wrong to pretend this is normal.
Look, I wouldn’t have been able to hear any of this for much of my life. You reading this now may not be able to hear this yet either. But do me this one favor: just think about it. Just turn it over in your mind for a couple minutes. “Yes, And” me for a minute. Look around you and think about the kind of world you want to live in. Is it one where an all-powerful stranger with a gun keeps you and your neighbors in line with the fear of death, or can you picture a world where, as a community, we embrace our most vulnerable, meet their needs, heal their wounds, honor their dignity, and make them family instead of desperate outsiders?
If you take only three things away from this essay, I hope the third is this: you and your community don’t need bastards to thrive.
RESOURCES TO YES-AND WITH
Achele Mbembe — Necropolitics
Angela Y. Davis — Are Prisons Obsolete?
CriticalResistance.org — Abolition Toolkit
Joe Macaré, Maya Schenwar, and Alana Yu-lan Price — Who Do You Serve, Who Do You Protect?
Ruth Wilson Gilmore — COVID-19, Decarceration, Abolition [video]
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